#so obviously that has more bad effects

[weaselishmcdiesel]

pokemon rant ahead bc im a born hater what can i say <3

playing scarlet and i just caught chien pao which i wanted on my team before id started playing and was just picking which pokemon i like best. the fucking?? running animation?? is fucked up?? there SEEMS to be a walking animation like it exists and i get a glimpse of it every now and then but it seems like it refuses to use anything but the running animation. so you cant reasonably walk beside the pokemon because its animation is freaking the fuck out, angles get fucky, the thing runs ahead of you, just bad. it's just i really wish that the follow mechanic wasn't dogshit, i want to stroll around with my pokemon not lagging behind. how come every other game can figure out a follow mechanic. how come modders can figure it out (there's maybe a chance the pokemon is stuck running because i caught it at a higher level than my current badges give me control over but idk if that's how the game works)

and another thing i noticed (that everyone else probably noticed bc this game has been out for a while lmfao but-) the entire world feels like it was MADE for exploration on koraidon. if we compare it to botw/totk, the terrain in those games doesnt feel like they were made for horseback exploration. there are so many huge wide expanses in scarlet that, the moment you get off your ride, you feel small and out of place. like there's absolutely no incentive to walk around on your own because everything is too far away to comfortably explore on your own (and also there's hardly anything TO explore. everywhere is empty and boring and repeating). botw does not suffer from this at all, all the environments feel realistic in scale. and i wish if the game were more focused on the horseback (pokemonback?) exploration that there was more fidelity to koraidon's animations and mechanics. I believe it's called procedural animation, the ability for a model to react to the environment it's in (ei, when link is on a slope, his leg will bend and his foot will rest realistically on an incline, same goes for horses in botw when theyre on inclines. these are calculations the game makes in the moment of execution, not rendered out during development accounting for every possible position a player could be on a slope). i feel like this should happen with koraidon at the least, if you're going to be on it for the majority of the game.

and don't get me STARTED on how absolutely stupid it is for so many pokemon to be as small as they are. constantly tripping on a 2 centimeter tall pokemon that i didn't see and initiating a battle gets really fucking old. from purely a game design standpoint, for one of the first games in the series to feature pokemon walking around in the overworld, youd THINK they'd somehow incorporate more accessibility for being able to SEE these fucking things, but no. the camera is far from the player (i play with the camera as close as possible, i know it's adjustable) and the grass that's fucking everywhere is taller than a lot of pokemon. also the shiny issue. how the pokemon from this gen have a lot of MINUTE differences in their shiny palette that make shiny hunting more of an eye-strain simulator than anything.

and i know that there are a lot of pokemon in these games meaning a lot of assets meaning a lot of space thats dedicated just to make creatures appear. i know all of that takes away from the space needed to make animations or appealing scenery or really just a substantial game. but remember when they said theyd limit the pokedex so that they could make sure the pokemon they DO include have higher quality models and animations? and remember how they never actually did any of that. (changing the rendering engine and the textures is NOT higher quality anything. and if you think it is, how come the textures on hills FUCKING SHIFT AS YOU WALK PAST THEM? THATS A LOWER QUALITY ENGINE!!! THAN WHATEVER THEY USED BEFORE!!!)

i'm just saying that i really wouldnt mind if they HUGELY limited the pokedex IF IT MEANT that we could get cutscenes with unique animations and effects. get rid of a few hundred pokemon if it means the overworld is decorated with more than a dozen repeating assets that make it difficult to tell where the hell i am without looking at the map. maybe i want to see big wind turbines in the background move at more than 2 frames per second! why is the largest landmark in the area moving at 2 frames per second?! bad!!! ugh.

i think all the issues i have with this game are reasonable grievances for a game that costs 60 fucking dollars. i dont want to hear a single "it's just a kids game!" it was 60 fucking dollars. +dlc +online subscription

theres lots more i can say but this is just what's really bothering me right now hahasdfk

#i know gamefreak or whoever the development team was was rushed i know i know #my frustration is with the fact that pokemon is the largest media franchise in the world and their products are of abysmal quality #they should obviously have the funds to take more time on their products while also paying their devs enough #also i personally believe so many designs from this gen look like hot garbage. #the designers should learn to limit their color palette fucking hell #take a course in character design. some of these fuckers are UNREADABLE #the charcadet line has so much visual nonsense going on. such bad design #also how come the fire effects on these pokemon look bad. the fire looks like goop. not like fire #it's bad #like it's really bad #whatever #weasel speaks #weasel games #pkmn

[devilsskettle]

whenever i hear a song that i would like if it weren’t for the fact that it was too long, i think about this:

like you can afford to write tangentially if you/your music is already popular and you know that people are going to listen to you no matter what and in fact laud your longer pieces as being genius etc but can you really be releasing 5+ minute long songs without a built-in audience?

#idk. thinking about this because of the new lana album and i think i’d like a lot of these songs better if they were shorter lol #some of these songs drag so much especially when she includes these long sections of like one repeated line over and over again #or like when taylor swift releases the extended version of all too well and everyone freaked out #that’s all good and well but she HAD to release the shorter version first #and she knows she has this huge fanbase that will eat that shit up no matter what she does really #part of it is nostalgia admittedly but i also think the shorter version is just a better song #that song is on the longer side to begin with but 10 minutes???? why #(i did listen to both songs back to back to make sure my opinion was still the same as when the 10 minute version was released & it is lol) #idk! obviously i’m bad at this myself because i write so fucking much to express a simple point but it is more skillful to be able #to say things as effectively and precisely in a more concise way #not saying this ONLY applies to mitski because she’s the one this article is about but she is a good example of it #like being able to express a feeling in just a couple lines that would probably take a less skilled writer like a novel to express #it also reminds me of how my high school latin teacher described how in college he took a class about museum design or something like that #and their first assignment was to write a description of an artifact to tell museum visitors what it was #and every time he submitted a draft the professor would tell him to make it shorter while still communicating the necessary information #until he literally could not make it any shorter than it already was #because you have to assume that people are not gonna read all that! because they won’t unless they have some kind of external motivation to #idk there IS something to be said for including ‘unnecessary’ parts of writing etc obviously there’s nuance #but a lot of the time i think if there isn’t a reason to include something then why include it!

[snekdood]

here's the thing about writing villains-

you're never going to get ppl to stop writing villains who want to control everything, who are evil for evils sake, who are manipulative and liars or whatever. who are just bad people who seem irredeemable- most peoples idea of a villain is whatever they fear most.

and just because there might be stereotypes about certain demographics surrounding these ideas doesnt mean they are inherently bad to have in your writing in general. the reason those stereotypes exist is because people wrongfully assume that a certain demographic is a certain way either through their own fears or from propaganda/conspiracy theories they're cooking up or have consumed-- which are all built around fear.

its normal to fear someone who wants to control everything. the problem comes in on whom you're projecting that on to and whom you think wants to do that. it's prolly not a good idea to make a villain- who wants to control the world and all of its money- jewish. its probably not a good idea to make a villain- whos a controlling manipulative abusive liar who will do everything to get their way in spite of who they hurt- someone with npd. it's probably not a good idea to make a terrorist-y type villain a muslim or of middle eastern decent. it would probably be a good idea to try to avoid adding stereotypes surrounding whichever demographic you're concerned about your character being misread as to your villain if you're already worried they're gonna be misinterpreted by uncharitable people online.

in my case, im making a vampire villain who wants to control everything. it would probably be really fuckin dumb of me if i added a bunch of jewish stereotypes to him along with that, considering theres a lot of antisemitism in how a lot of vampires in different forms of media were conceptualized and a whole ass conspiracy theory that jewish people already do control everything.

i dont think "wants to control the world" or even "secretly does control the world" is necessarily a bad place to start when creating a villain, it's all about what you do after that point. and its also all about keeping in mind different stereotypes/conspiracy theories/tropes/etc. around that idea that have harmed different people. it only becomes antisemitic if you draw the character the way antisemites draw jewish people, or add a bunch of conspiracy theory fueled ideas to the character, or add a bunch of jewish iconography around the character, or just make him in some way readibly jewish or just straight up make him jewish. the more you educate yourself on stereotypes/conspiracy theories/harmful tropes/etc. surrounding whichever demographic you're trying to avoid making your villain be misread as and actually avoid trying to make that character that way, i think the better off you'll be.

remember that those stereotypes/conspiracy theories/tropes/etc. all exist because someone wanted to make whichever demographic into a villain. those fears already exist in peoples minds, they just want a place to put them, and a lot of people will find a scapegoat to place them on to. it's not that those fears at their basic level are wrong or bad to have or wrong to use as a jumping point in your writing, it's that people sometimes project those fears on to other people, typically marginalized people, and again, for propaganda's sake or bc of their own fears of other people or whatever. if you avoid projecting those fears on to demographics targeted by said fears and thus avoid making your villain of said demographic in every way that you possibly can, the better off you'll be.

people will be uncharitable and read things in bad faith no matter what you do. if you're a creative, you already know the internet spends no time (and hardly any actual critical thought) in dismantling something they've deemed problematic, likely because they dont even like the thing they're critiquing but need to make it seem like its somehow a Moral dislike of the thing. ya gotta ignore it and have faith in at least some of the people viewing what you create to actually hear what you're trying to say. you also gotta take into consideration actual constructive criticism of what you create, because you might have a blind spot in this regard. try to avoid listening to people who seem off the bat antagonistic and demanding bc they likely dont even have a justified reason to be mad at you over if they're acting that way. if they have something they want to say to you bc they actually wanna change your mind, they're not gonna approach you apathetically, dismissively, passive aggressively, as if they know everything and are above you and are the most moral person in the room- people like that dont actually care if you change whatever it is you're doing and just want a self-justified reason to be mad at you that makes them look good for critiquing you, if they did want to change your mind they would try to approach you in the least confrontational way that that particular individual can manage.

ultimately, listen to people actually effected by these things so you know what to avoid and figure out how to not hurt them.

#i am by no means an expert on islamaphobia or antisemitism or anything. i dont think anyone is but the closer you are to being #effected by whichever -isms i think the closer u are to being an expert. so if anyone effected by said -isms more than I am thinks #im wrong about this i'd like to know. if im doing something harmful I want to know. so- unironically- please tell me if you #think something about what ive said here is wrong. i want to avoid hurting people and can only do so if ppl tell me how im doing it. #otherwise- if no one has any real genuine concerns of what im saying here-- i said what i said. #tldr; villain who wants to control the world? probably fine to make. #villain thats readibly jewish in many if not most ways and you made his motive controlling the world? most definitely *not* fine to make #whether that 'readibly jewish' means he's stereotypically jewish. he seems like someone who is plausibly jewish. or that his jewish-ness #is informed by a shit ton of conspiracy theories- doesnt make a difference. dont make a villain thats read as jewish in any capacity #with that motive. i'd only trust someone whos jewish + a good writer to be able to execute that in a productive & harmless way. #writing #the question isnt 'is writing a villain whos horrible in these ways bad' necessarily. its more like. whomst are you ascribing those motives #i mean obviously if you make a villain thats indistinguishable from how an antisemite might but just say hes not jewish... theres prolly #a problem. but thats why i say you need to actually EDUCATE YOURSELF on the shit surrounding x demographic so you know what to #avoid. the difference is you actually care enough to try to avoid it. shitty ppl are trying to find a way to do it w/o getting caught.

[lucalicatteart]

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 13: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should just start crying whilst being robbed in the abandoned barn ...

~

(----- tw for mild violence (he gets into sort of a fight) until after the next orange text section in parentheses -----)

Not sure what else to even do, The Adventurer simply collapses into a ball on the floor and starts sobbing, screaming, and rolling about. The hooded figure pauses in confusion at first, but.. apparently is not very sympathetic to his plight.

They rush over, grappling with him as he cries, fighting to pry the backpack out of his hands. The Adventurer continues screeching frantically, and during some of his flailing accidentally swings his arm up, elbowing the hooded figure in the face. They let out an exasperated sigh, knocking him against the wall then firmly yanking him up by the hair, securing their arm around his throat to restrain him as they grab for the backpack. He kicks a few times, struggling, clawing at the hooded figure's arms, but just isn't strong enough to free himself.. There's a thwack and a sudden sharpness in the side of his head, the backpack pulling away from his shoulders, cold ground, and then… nothing at all..…

(------------------- mild violence tw over -----------------) ...............

The Adventurer slowly opens his eyes to a quiet foggy morning.. Tiny particles in the dusty barn air gently flutter to and fro, dancing around in the streams of early sunlight trickling through the slight crack of the front doors. With a groan, he rolls over, suddenly feeling every ache in his body. His head, his wrist, his leg injury from crashing the raft.. He spends a while just laying on his back, watching the dust and gazing hopelessly at the moldy boards of the roof, mustering the strength to sit upright… What can he even do next? He's failed.. His first EVER actual quest of his adventuring career, and he can't even keep a stupid egg safe for more than a few days! What type of adventurer is that?? Maybe he should just give up.. Go back home and do nothing with his life, just as he was meant to... He sighs, turning back onto his side and curling into a ball to sulk even more dramatically. The cat trots over to him to interrupt his swirling thoughts, pawing at his face, then directing him towards a small stack of hay in the corner where... there it is! His backpack!! He scrambles over, immediately digging through to check for his belongings.. To his surprise, everything it still in it's place. His food, his money, all of the cool shiny rocks he's collected so far.. And tucked away in the very bottom, the Mysterious Egg box remains, completely undamaged.. somehow with the egg still inside! And... a note? He shakily unfolds a crisp sheet of pale yellow paper dotted with a few scribbly letters: "I took care of her for you. Be more careful next time. Just get where you have to go."

Well...... He supposes that if there's apparently going to be weirdos following him around anyway, maybe he's lucky at least one of them seems nice. Better than trying to ROB him, at least.. Even if it is a bit creepy. He realizes now that his injuries have been bandaged as well, and that when he woke up, he was wrapped in a blanket, and.. where is the hooded figure? What does the stranger mean that they "took care" of her?? He turns to the cat for answers, as if they'd be able to clear up his confusions, but they simply make a "mrrp!" noise and stare blankly in response. Figuring that it's all far too much to think about first thing in the morning (especially with the headache that he has), he just decides to be thankful he at least still has the egg, and thus can continue on his grand adventure!! He will NOT let himself fail again! Sore and limping but full of renewed motivation, he leaps up (at least as best he can) and continues back onto the road. After walking only a few hours, he comes to a clearing at the top of a large hill, overlooking the next stop on his journey (then double checks the map just to make sure it actually IS the next stop). This is a much bigger area than the previous villages he's been to, possibly large enough to even count as a small city. With a wider variation of shops and attractions available to him than usual, he wonders if he should just take a break and relax the rest of the day.

He's too tired to walk much today anyway, soo.. maybe it'd be good for him to spend some time in a safe public space, doing something to help take his mind off of this morning's drama… But, what should he do?

-

-

Additional Information

the adventurer's current main quest: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has

#paventure posting #poll #polls #choose your own adventure #ERM.. okay I didn't mean to take a 2 week break from doing these. I just got really really busy with Life Things #had various appointments in a row and stuff to sort out. I kept thinking like 'oh I need to get back to that!' and then would be doing #other stuff all day and then at the end of the day just realize that I.. hadn't.. BUT i AM DOING IT NOW!! #I think it's more effective if it's at least once every 1-3 days so that people don't forget the entire story before the next one is out lo #*lol.. but.. alas #Sorry I had to have something bad happen to him. I know I could have made it silly instead like the hooded figure was just like #secretly very sensitive and thinking 'AWW sowwy ur crying #do you want a donut? :(' or something but.. I had to be realistic lol #If some obviously threatening person is coming after you because they want to steal and extremely valuable item from you #for their boss or to sell themselves or whatever. you being vulnerable is just going to give them a chance to take it from you #there are very few instances where realistically that WOULDN'T happen. gbhjb.. #Also note: I did not make up the mysterious person who ''saves'' him as a cop out from giving him actual consequences t #o his actions or something. I know it's convenient - but it does make sense. There have always been multiple people following him ever #since he was at the Inn. Even though the Inkeeper tried to hide it very fast and keep hush hush about it. there were people there #who were alerted to the fact that he has the egg. Mostly two specifically. One of them has always been more benevolent because #they have a different end goal. Which is like.. not extremely benevolent actually ghhjbhbj.. but it makes sense for them to act #benevolent at the moment because they have an interest in seeing that the egg is taken to it's ''proper place''. #The two people following him were not directly connected or working for the same people or anything. But the one who just helped him #obviously was very aware of the other. and the other didn't know about the helpful one. ANYWAY #A stumbling block in the beginning of his grand adventuring journey. hopefully things go better for him from here lol #His injuries are pretty minor but he still feels bad since he's not used to fighting. I think he deserves a relax day #he was already 5 seconds away from crying at any given time. now on top of that he's got bruises and a sprained wrist and a headache #and he's not used to having ever been injured or ''fought'' anyone before so he WILL be being very dramatic about it in his head and #finding every possible chance to mention to anyone who will listen about how he was so so brave and got in such a wild fight #and also feels so so bad and please tell him everything will be okay and oh he is so so so injured *big wet seal eyes* #he IS going to feel sorry for himself for weeks gghbjhb..

[beepmon]

i’m panicking about my health, my car, school, my future, my relationships with ppl, about my entire life rn p much

#bumbles (bee mumbles) #as much as i hated my dad i did feel a certain amount of security when i could rely on him for the few things i could #he was like a car necromancer #it would function but just kinda barely zombie like vers #and now that he’s passed almost all at once all the cars and things he’s fixed up are breaking #like he infused his soul into them and they no longer has his ecto goop to hold it together #i’ve been ignoring my health problems bc i really hate going to the dr #idk maybe it’s bc i’m fat but they always dismiss my problems and i really am not mentally strong enough to advocate for myself #i tell them i’m in pain and something is wrong and they do maybe two tests and say we can’t find anything bye #and so i just feel like an idiot for going #bc obviously i’m just making a big deal out of nothing #i don’t want to be doing school this semester after last semester i ended up in urgent care twice bc my stress got to my body so hard #i’m taking less classes/more classes i’m actually interested in #but i feel like i’m gonna fall apart horribly again and i just transferred and feel so aimless #but i also feel extremely obligated to go bc that was the last thing my dad wanted from me before he passed #i feel so fucking stupid his death has effected me so bad he was an abusive monster #i feel so disconnected from my sisters that i was super close with #i fee like i’m talking to a wall of past interactions and neither of us can see who we currently are #i feel like i can’t connect to the ppl around me #i’ve been disassociating too often i accidentally keep checking out which is pissing ppl off #i’m so tired and fatigued and depressed that ppl can’t really rely on my and i fee useless and like a drain #plus i just feel so scared all the time recently like all the worst case scenarios are plaguing me #like scared my car is going to explode or my cat is going to have a heart attack or ppl died while traveling or some freak accident

[pub-lius]

my biggest problem with a people’s history of the french revolution by eric hazan is that he keeps like. implying that lafayette defected to the enemy (meaning Austria and Prussia), but like. mf was immediately arrested bc he was seen as the cause of the revolution. the only people who saw him as a conservative were in france

#marquis de lafayette #lafayette #lowkey feel like the french revolution has so many figures who are misrepresented by people bc they were more conservative/liberal #like robespierre got the same treatment as lafayette but like reversed #i feel like the american revolution wasn’t so controversial as to have the same effect #and on top of that people have been working since it happened to counter balance whenever that happened #obviously some figures are still glorified but like there’s always been a lot of historians treating them as less one dimensional #but based off the books i’ve read about the frev at least one party is portrayed as one dimensional #and they’re always the villain too #like no one in the frev is overglorified GWKWBWKWN #they’re either a complex person or a one dimensional villain #like hazan shows different elements of robespierre’s character but doesn’t do the same to lafayette #the last author i read (forgor her name lol) showed all parts of marie antoinette and king louis’ characters #she did touch on robespierre a little bit showing his qualities but she didn’t go in depth on any of the revolutionaries really #but like brissot and co were portrayed as just bad guys who never did anything good ever #idk im just kinda used to authors at least attempting to show good and bad #even if its just ‘one time he helped an old lady cross the street and then he slaughtered someone’s entire family’ #no hate to hazan tho this book is awesome #i just wish it wasn’t trying to push such a black and white narrative in this particular instance #for the most part he doesn’t do it with anything else #but tbf i did start reading this bc i needed a more leftist sympathetic book to counteract the strongly royalist one i read before #imma tag this as #books #and #resources #in case anyone wants my thoughts on this book #this rant was longer than anticipated HEKWHWJ

[unopenablebox]

cw abuse cw popular relationship thinkpieces

completely unconvinced by the ~normal marital hatred article apologia people are circulating. like, idk, people seem to be successfully projecting their own circumstances and thoughts on conflict resolution onto it and then arguing that therefore it’s good? maybe there is a secret good book the article is poorly excerpted from or whatever. but

the actual content of the article is:

you should unlearn the boundary-setting and self-assertion skills you currently have when talking to your spouse. i’ll imply that all i mean by this is "use a non-oppositional tone when making your point, don’t bring up unrelated topics during a disagreement, and try to keep your spouse’s interests in mind”, but i never actually specify what the limits of “forgetting about boundaries” are supposed to be, so it does still come across like you’re supposed to martyr yourself on the cross of not revealing that you feel anger or distress ever. half of the article is about extremely basic obvious communication skills, and the other half is about being filled with hatred at your spouse in conditions and contexts that are never described, and how that’s fine and you shouldn’t respond to it in any way. these are linked only by a sort of broad gesture at the idea that feeling hatred (?) toward your spouse comes from being bad at arguing and if you just fixed your speech patterns and stopped asserting yourself you wouldn’t have any problems.

oh unless it’s an abuse situation, tee hee! then you should still have boundaries obviously. you know how easy it is for a person to tell the difference between normal, healthy suppression of all efforts to defend yourself in a fight with your spouse and abuse. you’d know if you were being abused, silly, they would put up the neon sign that says “it’s abuse” on it! that’s how you know you’re allowed to leave! otherwise you’d better hang in there because it’s normal marital hatred

#fuck's sake #people really projecting wildly onto the article so they can be like 'fucked up that tumblr doesn't know about *conflict resolution*' #no it's a bad article. the article is poorly written #fails to define its terms or relate one paragraph to another effectively #as K has pointed out these are all more or less trad anti-divorce propaganda #which explains why they're both abruptly resurfacing and also make me want to claw the author's face off #but somehow the pathetic little ''well obviously none of this applies if it's ABUSIVE'' fig leaves are the most infuriating part of them #''oh i would never tell an ABUSED woman that she should submit to her husband's judgment at all times'' go fuck yourself #box opener

[dihalect]

just finished death note

#txt #edit. i don't think i liked the ending #spoilers ahoy. nesting nesting nesting nesting nesting nesting nesting nesting nesting nestiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnng #ok. ngl i was kinda rooting for light for the entire series. OBVIOUSLY murder is bad #but in the context of this work of fiction. the world is so much more interesting with kira #and after everything the world just. goes back to normal? after all that? come on #i understand the point they're making about the futility of everything light did. but that doesn't mean i like it #i would have been much more satisfied if everyone else in the task force/spk had died and light got to keep kira'ing #also. i havent read the manga but i did read about the differences between its ending and the anime's ending. #in the manga light starts groveling and mikami renounces him bc of it. and then light begs ryuk to kill him. #ryuk writes light's name in his death note (full circle) and light panics and spends the next 40 seconds saying he doesn't want to die #in the anime‚ light gets shot‚ but mikami slip'n'slides himself and light runs away. #as he starts to run out of strength‚ ryuk writes his name in the death note (again‚ full circle) #i think having him run away is a bit more pathetic. so it might be more effective at communicating how light is ultimately just some guy #some guy who fucked up and played god and paid for it #BUT him running away removes him from the rest of the story #in a way that i feel detracts from his journey #idk i feel like it'd have been more poetic for him to die there in the warehouse #also. the thing about all the fake notebooks was confusing #apparently the manga has an epilogue where matsuda explains his theory that near controlled mikami with the death note #and that the 'yeah we copied his entire death note down to the molecule overnight' thing was just a lie #idk i feel like that loose end was just. presented to us and never tied up #not quite a loose end. frayed. whatever #EDIT edit. light hallucinated seeing l as the last of the life drained out of him. BITCH

[oflgtfol]

everyones all like wah i have wrist problems bc im an #Artist yeah well waht about ganglion cysts. Wheres my ganglion cyst gang at

#brot posts #i think this is the first time i puvlicly said whats wrong with me. lmao #and even then i have a weird version of it that like nobody else has 😔 #everybody else can get a diagnosis instantly bc the cysts are very obviously visible outside #but not me baby it took me four doctors appointments and an MRI in both wrists to get a diagnosis #bc mine are so small and embedded deep inside #which also means that they tore my ligaments and caused so much more pain than normal ganglion cysts should (: #i was essentially walking around with chronically sprained wrists for like four years #i say was cuz i think the cysts have finally disappeared since i dont have flareups nearly as much/as bad as i used to #so whenever my wrists act up nowadays i think its probably just the. yknow. longterm side effects of having 4 year long sprains #i cant know for sure without another MRI and its been years since i last got one (for the initial diagnosis) so like. lol. whatever #wait i also had x rays done before the MRI. they obviously did not find anything in the x rays but i think i should mention that #they also had me get bloodwork done to test if i had LUPUS like #it took fucking forever to get a diagnosis it was wild 😭

[gauntletqueen]

Hi Zoey. Asking from a place of ignorance, could you please explain why Threads is dogshit?

Threads is the Hot New Garbagedump by Certified Scum Of The Earth and Facebook/Meta owner Zuckerburg. It is like if twitter was even worse.

There is ONLY a For You page, meaning you can never just see the posts from your followed accounts who, yknow, you followed for the purpose of seeing their posts.You can't see those. you have to see the algorithm's posts ONLY. You also require an instagram to get full access to all the features like Posting Images. You need a separate social media account to properly access this new social media. And once you've done so, the only way to delete your Threads account, is to delete you instagram account. The Whole Thing. For Some Fucking Reason. Not to mention, obviously since it's zuckerburg, the thing syphons your personal information like crazy, worse still than twitter.

Like ALL your data. as much as it can get. (Love that it says "Other Data" btw. Nice subtle way of saying "whatever else we want") ALSO wouldn't you know it? It's fucking banned in the EU because it violates a bunch of fucking privacy laws!! So it's DEFINITELY not safe to use!

It is as predatory and exploitative as can be, created by someone that we collectively agreed Sucks Shit and Has No Empathy For Human Life and Individuality, and nobody should be touching it with a ten foot pole let alone sign up for it. Not even to test the waters or because it's where everyone is heading, or to see how bad it is for yourself. It doesn't matter if you're joining to get an account ready in case the platform ends up the new big thing. You're feeding the statistics. Even if you're not using that account, Zuckerburg can show the number of signups to shareholders and investors to prove to them that it's viable. Instead of jumping on the bandwagon in case it succeeds, inform people why they shouldn't join, to reduce its chance of success! It's like strikes and protests; The more of us get the word out, the more effective it'll be!

#threads #meta #social media #twitter

[crabcrabcrabmeat]

The style of this narration is killing me bc it bounces between "here's X character's truth" and dry sections of lore super arbitrarily. Tomino I just need to know if you know which ideologies n pop sci are total junk. Pls.

#more recent chapters have framed 'overpopulation' as an ecofash rhetoric as it should lol #but iirc early on the concept was taken at face value in a drier section like 'yeah forced space immigration fixed overpopulation guys' #this translation has formatting errors lol so maybe its a case of not having scare quotes where they should be #but given how poor the pacing is and how the sci fi is so much better at physics than biology i still blame him tho lol #its a shame too bc i think expermention w format is warranted wrt newtype scenes #breaking the formatting to get across the immediacy of a change in consiousness #but having angle brackets AND free indirect narraration or whatever the POV is too much lol #pick one and do it well! i want the narrative equivalent of a cut in SO bad #itd make the numerous hypocrisies of the characters such more effective drama too #get clear cut dramatic irony instead of conflicting info that reads more like continuity errors #actually ig the 'amuro was still a virgin' punchline works well but thats the only obviously intentional example i can think of #literacy attempt

[theroundbartable]

Love the headcanon that magic is legal in Queen Annis' kingdom.

One day, Arthur is invited, but he doesn't KNOW magic is legal there, so he obviously freaks out at first.

Arthur: aren't your crime rates skyrocketing when magic is legal?

Annis: *laughing* what? No. When magic is legal, it's not a crime that people commit, so it's much less, silly boy.

Arthur: but ... Doesn't it do harm?

Annis: more good than harm. Killing people is still illegal, so is theft. But you can't steal magic and when you have magic, it's unlikely for your crops to go bad, so people don't starve, which means less people get jealous or vengeful. The harm with magic is of course worse, but the protection is also more effective and crimes done BY magic get punished worse. So... We're regulating it kinda well.

Arthur is, needless to say... Amazed.

Not as amazed, however, as Merlin is. Merlin looks like he's absolutely thriving. Arthur has never seen Merlin smile as much or be as relaxed and he kind of looks like he belongs here. He seems to have a good sense for the quality of magical objects, seems to enjoy people using it for fun and entertainment.

And Arthur... Arthur's not sure what to do with that. He hates it, but...

Arthur: Merlin... I would understand if you wished to stay here. You seem... Happier than you do at home

Merlin: *laughs*, *realises Arthur is serious* i'm not going to leave you

Arthur: but you like it here! You... I've never seen you like this! You belong here! You just -

Merlin: I belong at your side. I just... Admire their lifestyle

Arthur: they are using magic.

Merlin: I know

Arthur: ... If... If magic were legal in camelot, would that make you happy?

Merlin: *freezes*

Arthur: I never thought it could be this peaceful. I feel like if it were legal... Things would change for the better. And you seem to have a good sense for these magic things, so maybe you could help me establish- holy shit, you're on fire

Merlin: *magic burst into literal flames*

#bbc merlin #merlin #merthur #merlin bbc #arthur #concept #queen annis #Magic

[thelikesoffinn]

„Astarion ending as the Vampire Ascendant is the correct ending for him, because it is what he wants.”

That is a claim I’ve been seeing pop up more and more often these days. And I think it’s both a very bold and a very odd claim to make.

But first things first: Hello, I’m a licensed social worker! So far, I’ve worked with children, refugees and youths with behavioural issues stemming from bullying and or abuse.

Please be aware that I will be mentioning different kinds of abuse, coping mechanisms, and victim/abuser relationships. If any of this is difficult for you, don’t force yourself through it. My jabbering about a traumatised vampire is not worth your wellbeing, not ever.

I will, however try to stick to Astarion and not use other examples. If, in any case, I do use a non-Astarion example, I’ll add a warning beforehand so that you can skip the part. And I’ll make it clear what will be discussed in the next bit, so that you have a chance to skip it entirely.

This is an effort to make this as accessible as possible for everyone that wants to indulge on a mad woman’s rambling – and I know there’s a few people that like this sort of stuff!

And, uh, there's obviously spoilers for all three acts. Serious spoilers, even.

Before I can get into the whole ‘why Astarion didn’t really want to ascend,’ we need to understand him a little more. And to understand this pretty boy’s brain, we first need to understand the gist of what we’re talking about when we throw around the word ‘abuse.’

“Abuse” is when someone is treated with cruelty, violence, or neglect – often to bad effect – on a regular basis. Repetitively. Check’s out for Astarion, I’d say, but we all knew that already. I mean, if one thing was obvious, it was this.

1. Astarions Abuse

Next we need to look at what kind of abuse Astarion faced over his long years of torment, seeing as different types of abuse will have different effects on the victim.

Not that that is anything we have to worry about with him – Astarion won the abuse lottery, to put it bluntly. In a horrible game of fate, he got everything. He himself indirectly mentions all the types of abuse he faced, albeit never using the correct terms.

The first we properly notice – fitting, seeing as it is often the most obvious form of abuse – is the physical abuse. Astarions scars are probably the biggest tell Larian could shove down our throats, only underlined by Astarion’s tale about the night itself. About how Cazador ‘misspelled something’ every time he flinched or screamed and had to do ‘many corrections. On top of this, Cazador locked Astarion up for months on end and tortured him – or had him tortured – on a regular basis both as a rite and as a punishment.

Next up, we have the fact that Astarion was forced to basically prostitute himself repeatedly. This is what we call sexual exploitation.

“I spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master.” – Act 2

Two hundred years is a long time, filled with great many people. Now, we don’t know how many of those people actually tapped into the sexual exploitation and how many he could just lure back with other means, but the fact that it happened a lot is undeniable.

Next we have a form of abuse that we often disregard in adults: Neglect. It sounds odd, I know, saying that a fully grown adult was neglected. They can care for themselves, can they not?

Well. Yes and no.

Adult neglect is proceeded by the condition that one adult has to lean on another adult to fulfil their needs for whatever reason. This could be anything, from disability to income-based issues.  

Seeing as Astarion had absolutely nothing, while Cazador had everything, we can assume this was the case. Cazador had the house, the money, the power. Astarion owns but one pair of clothes, assumedly, that he has fixes over and over again. Fair to say, that’s pretty neglectful. (And it’s one more reason to shower the guy in pretty armour and camp clothes. Go ham, people.)

Last we have the form of abuse we actually get to witness later in the game – emotional abuse.

Once again, it’s undeniable that this happened. Especially since we’re all seeing it in the flesh upon meeting Cazador in his crypt.

“Have you no respect for yourself?”

“I strove for perfection in all things. Even those as imperfect as you.”

“A pity you amounted to so little, despite my efforts.”

“A pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything.”

All Act 3, Crypt

Here we have just a few examples of things Cazador throws in his face. It’s like reading a textbook on emotional abuse, this one (and it’s definitely a reason to throw hands).

Blaming the victim, keeping their sense of self and their self-worth as tiny as possible to make them cower and flee. A true classic.

This pretty much shows that Astarion suffered all forms of abuse we commonly see and it is implied – once again by Astarion himself – that at least a few of those instances were ritualistic.

Now, what does that mean exactly? Well, I fear I need to use a real example here, so please skip the next paragraph.

Ritualistic doesn’t refer to a proper ritual – it can, but that’s mostly a thing for those in a cult. So, we’re not necessarily talking about a ‘Vampire Ascendent Ritual’. A husband, beating his wife every evening after his third bottle of beer is also called ritual abuse. It happens regularly. It is part of a routine. Both parties know what will happen.

I can’t find the exact quote, so I’m working of my memory here, but at one point he said that when Cazador invited him to eat and he said yes, he would be served a putrid rat. If he said no, he’d be beaten.

The way it was phrased made it clear that it happened more than once and that Astarion clearly knew what would happen. So, this can be classified as ritualistic abuse.

2. A Note on Conditioning and Compliance

By default, abuse victims are conditioned to behave a certain way or in a certain fashion. This is a natural response to avoid further abuse.

In Astarion, the thing we see most often is his inherent need to please. Not literally, he doesn’t mind being an arsehole. But he initially feels the need to follow Tav’s orders, even if they go against his own wishes.

This can be clearly seen in the conversation with Araj Oblodra. Astarion very clearly doesn’t want to bite her. He doesn’t. But he will do so, if Tav tells him to. This behaviour is not conscious – he doesn’t know why he does it, he just does – and it is to be expected. This is how he kept himself save for two centuries, so of course he will fall back into his usual pattern when the pressure is high.

This goes hand in hand with the fact that most abuse victims don’t fight. Maybe initially, but not after long term abuse. Especially not after two fucking centuries.

This is true in Astarion – offered by his ‘siblings’ during act 3 and unhappily acquiesced by the man himself. Astarion stopped fighting and, once again implied, cowered, and did as he was told in order to survive.

3. The Astarion we know and love

Obviously, all that abuse does have an impact on our vampire boyfriend. He shows various common signs of abuse and just like with the forms of abuse, Astarion raked every coping mechanism he could find. (Not really, but it feels like it.) It’s also important to note that nearly all of the following things happen inwardly. Astarion is not one of the victims, that tries to rationalise and minimise the actions of his abuser. Quite the opposite, actually.

I’ll note from the beginning, that rationalisation will not be covered in this bit, as most examples will be important later on. But he definitely does it.

One of his biggest skills is to hide every ounce of fear or hurt behind sarcasm and snarky theatrics. He doesn’t seem to hide his anger much, though, so that’s something! Our boy is cool with anger, not so much with being afraid.

“Ahahaha, now that you mention it….I might have done…that.” – Act 3, regarding the Gur children

“The thing that will decide my fate forever more? Yeees, it’s been on my miiiind. Why?” – Act 2, regarding the Ritual

And there’s many more instances that prove this. Honestly, half his dialogue is sarcasm, so it would really be too long to get into and we all know what I mean, right? We have alltalked to the guy before. It’s obvious that he’s sarcastic to a fault.

This goes hand in hand with his penchant for defensiveness. I would personally state that he’s simply not really good with guilt. When talking about fear, he usually just opts for sarcasm or avoids the topic completely, but guilt especially has his defences going up. This is also when he’s most likely to shove all the blame off to Cazador.

“Don’t look at me like that. Cazadors orders.” – Act 3, Crypt

“I just did what I had to!” – Act 3, Crypt

And don’t get me wrong, he does that anyway. And with good reason. Astarion didn’t have a choice for the most part, but he’s still easy to shove things off.

This kind of connects to his penchant for denial.

Astarion doesn’t really like to talk about most things. He firmly believes he is an ‘action’ sort of person that just does instead of plans, which invertedly just means he’s great at pushing the thinking stuff away. He also likes to get rid of stuff, so that he doesn’t need to face it ever again.

“I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn’t need to know my shame.” – Act 3, about the children

And yes, this partly rings true. He’s probably ashamed and doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s done. But it’s also very clear that he himself simply doesn’t want to face his own actions, something that is just  underlined by his extreme willingness to red rid of the other spawn.

As mentioned by Astarion himself, he’s big on manipulation. I mean, I don’t think there is much explaining necessary. The guy is willing to do a whole lot in order to get what he desires – which mostly revolves around safety and survival, to be honest – and he’s not really shy about it either. And that’s despite the fact that he doesn’t really like intimacy – especially in form of sex.

It’s not a secret that Astarion is not big on sex and anything surrounding it. This goes far enough for people to consider him either ace or ace coded.

A claim that, personally, I’m not super in line with.

Now, it’s not entirely wrong and if this is your head cannon I’m surely not going to stand in your way – but on a larger spectrum, I think he’s more traumatised than ace. And while those go hand in hand sometimes, it’s a bit difficult for the ace community if you attach traumatised characters to them because it can fuel a whole lot of stigma that is honestly neither needed nor wanted. But I digress!

If it comes to his own behaviour, he’s great at minimising his mistakes. Honestly, he’s a master of minimisation. A very obvious and famous example would be:

“’Killed’ feels like a…strong word. Not many corpses have your vigour.” – Act 1, after killing Tav

Astarion. You literally sucked poor Tav dry and left them flopping around, cold, and dead. Killed is exactly the right word and we all know it.

“Quite the deviation from my usual routine. Capture, not lure. I didn’t bring them in with sweet rolls or anything.” – Act 3, Gur Children

This is another attempt at minimising what he did, if a bit less obvious because at this point there isn’t much he can say. But at least he didn’t sexualise the gur children, right? They’re still spawn but whoo, at least that didn’t happen.  

The next point would be dissociation, which is extremely common in abuse victims – of all forms of abuse.

Astarion himself mentioned certain moments that could be classified as dissociation over course of the story, which is probably the coping mechanism I personally expected the most.

The pale elf has a penchant for violence, but he’s not entirely shameless or abhorrently vile, which gets clearer the more the story progresses. So, two hundred years of forced prostitution, torture and doing whatever other horrible things? Yeah, I’d be more surprised if he didn’t dissociate.

Examples of that would be:

“A moment of disgust to push myself through and then I could’ve carried on, just like before.” – Act 2, after Araj

“I felt nothing the moment I handed them over.” – Act 3, Gur Children

“Did you enjoy it? It felt like you weren’t fully there.” – Act 1, Tav after Sex

The latter is generally more of an assumption than actual prove, but with context it does make sense.

The last common sign of abuse we find in our boyfriend would be his low self-worth. It’s a consistent trait that stays over the course of all three acts, noticeable in many different conversations.

We can see it in his reaction to wanting to break up before finishing his story. We can see it in his genuine surprise when Tav picks him over any of the other characters. We see it in his insecurity whenever Tav asks to sleep with another character. He’s fine with it, but he still worries their decision to sleep with someone else is based on something he did.

It eases up ever so slightly after Cazador is dead, but even then he’s still struggling which is once again perfectly illustrated if you try to break up with him.

“Oh shit. I- Did I do something wrong?”

That is the first thing he asks and I think it speaks for itself. He genuinely doesn’t believe he has much to offer and for Astarion, it’s likely that Astarion will always be the problem.

4. "Oh, I tried them all none of them answered.”

Another big thing that’s important to note, is that Astarion was never saved. No one came to save him from Cazador. There was no darling boy on a white steed riding into that castle to rescue him and princess carry him away. Not even the gods answered his desperate calls.

So, he never received any kindness or luck. To him, the world seems as cruel and horrid as before because he didn’t have the chance to experience goodness in two centuries.

But worse than that, he didn’t even get to save himself. Astarion didn’t stand up to Cazador, he didn’t run out of his own might.

He was beaten to near death and ‘saved’ by Cazador, who would become his abuser.

He tried to save someone and, in turn, was locked up and starved for an entire year.

He was abducted by mind flayers, i.e., saved from Cazador, only to end up tadpoled and on the cusp of getting a fancy, squiddy beard.

Anything that’s good, any kindness, any selfless action…it all came with a ginormous price tag.

5. Over the Course of the Story

Astarions behaviour changes a whole lot over the course of three acts – which is important once we talk about his quests climax – so let’s review what we’re working with!

Act 1 Astarion is guarded as fuck. The man has walls around him that are so high, even the gods can touch them.

A lot of his behaviour in act 1 revolves around staying save and staying liked. He lies, manipulates, and flutters his lashes in order to get what he wants and needs. Instead of asking, like Wyll, Karlach and Gale do, Astarion uses all he has to offer to get by. He is still very much in survival mode and tries to weasel his way through an unfamiliar situation with familiar methods.

On top of that, and most notably, he’s absolutely not fond of kindness or selflessness.

#I saved a child and now my boyfriend is mad

Here, we are most likely to gain disapproval for doing the decent thing – unless you sent him outside for a minute whenever you’re being a good person.

And I’d assume that this is because of two things.

First: The very traditional ‘Why not me?’

As I mentioned before, Astarion wasn’t saved. He hasn’t experienced kindness in a very long time so seeing that the world is literally filled with kind people is hurtful. Why didn’t anyone save him? Why was he left to his own devices for so long? Why should he care about others when it’s so clear that no one ever cared about him? No, dead to all of them. If he didn’t get it, neither will they.

“And what am I owed? What about the injustices I suffered? Am I not entitled to anything?” – Act 3, Crypt

“I was in the prime of my life when I was turned. Everything was taken from me too.” – Act 3, Crypt

And secondly is the fact that, as I mentioned, goodness always has a price. And it’s one most people won’t be willing to pay. That’s how his life has been, so why would theirs be different?

This is precisely why Astarion may disapprove of kind actions, but he mostly neither approves nor disapproves if Tav asks for payment. That’s just how the world works.

Once you venture out into act 2, after getting to know him a whole lot more, he starts to mellow a bit – if only towards Tav.

“He’s afraid, so afraid, of everyone but you, who she should fear the most.” – Sceleritas about Astarion

His approval is a lot easier to gain – or at least keep! – and he tends to approve of some more proper actions. He doesn’t throw a fit if you promise to find Mol, he approves of Tav being kind to His Majesty, of saving Aylin and he even approves of Durge apologising to Isobel after threatening to rip her to pieces.

He's slowly starting to open up, allowing Tav to see some parts of him he previously kept hidden. He accepts their offer to help, if hesitantly and, by god, the man starts experimenting with boundaries.

The social worker in me is shedding tears at this. It’s my favourite thing to see in my clients and it’s no different here. Yay to saying no!

Of course, it’s still a bit hit or miss. If Tav urges him to bite Araj, for example, he will only to later notice that he didn’t fucking have to. He recognises this on his own and he calls Tav out on it. Just like he calls them out on not helping him with his Orthon quest.

Good job, chap. Good fucking job.

And the growth-train won’t stop going even as we reach act 3.

In act 3, there’s not many things he disapproves as of right now – those he does, mostly have to do with how Tav treats him and not with anyone else. In fact, he’s more likely to approve good behaviour now, like giving Yenna food or money.

And yes, we need to consider that this could simply be because he gets used to Tav’s behaviour and just learns to roll with it. But it’s also highly likely that he notices that there’s truly good people around. At least one person. And that person is not only good, no, they’re in the process of helping him break free once and for all.

They’re helping him save himself.

By act 3, he has learned that he can absolutely say his piece where Tav is concerned and he’s more likely to disagree with them on certain things. It’s seen during a lot of small dialogue that he’s no longer terribly afraid to be honest with them, willing to listen and talk and he’ll ask for help if he needs it.

“I can do this. But I need your help.” – Act 3, Crypt

Something that can be viewed both positively and negatively is that he’s definitely loyal to a fault. He will stick by Tav’s side, no matter what.

“I really hoped we could avoid being pawns for a dark god, but here we are, I suppose. I’m with you, my dear, wherever this might lead.” – Act 3, After Jaheira confronts durge

As I said, this can be both positive and negative. On one count, it’s a recipe for disaster, seeing as he could be waltzing into a really bad situation for Tav alone.

But on the other side…this is a man who only cared about himself because that is the only person he could afford to care about. He needed to survive. He now has enough room to breathe and the capacity to care for someone else and I’d be inclined to count that as a good thing.

6. The Crypt

All the progress he made in act 2 and 3 is nearly tossed into the wind as soon as the crew enters Cazadors castle.

It’s not an immediate thing, of course.

At first, Astarion tries to stay light and simple and he hides behind flippant tones and relaxed faces. The way he recounts this is almost comically disinterested and the façade is actually quite good.

It’s start’s cracking after we meet Godie, one of the people who tortured him on more than one account, but he mostly manages to remain as upbeat as one can honestly expect for the first half of the journey.

All that, however, is done for the very moment we meet Sebastian. His mask not only slips, no, it full on shatters and there’s none of his apparent lightness left.

Which, of course it does.

The man is suddenly faced with years and years and years of victims. Innocent, unlucky people he lured back to his master over two centuries. People he liked, people he pitied.

“It’s sickening, seeing them again.”

It’s basically a room filled with guilt, exclusively for Astarion. And, as we mentioned before…Astarion is not great with guilt.

The guilt, however, is not where it ends.

No, he’s also faced with reflections of his own past. The spawn pose as reminders of what he did, sure, but also as reminders of what he was.

Weak, desperate, hungry.

There’s an abundance of images of his worst moments, reflected back at him in the thousands. It’s probably like staring into a funhouse mirror, but instead of seeing yourself in a funky way he just sees everything he so desperately doesn’t want to be.

“It should be [who I am]! I don’t want to be like them. They’re pathetic, horrible…”

He’s forcefully made aware of how darn weak he can be, which claws at all the wounds he’s barely had time to close. Something, he of course won’t admit if asked.

“THEY DO NOT [remind me of myself]. That weakness in me is dead, IT’S DEAD. I have a higher purpose.”

The high pressure of the moment brings out all of his act 1 traits in but a few moments. You can pretty much watch how he starts to shut down mid conversation, one of his old walls snapping back into place to remove himself from the situation.

Thing is though, walls usually become a bit brittle after disuse. Especially when talking to a person you don’t usually want to wall out.

Or, in his case, when talking to Tav.

After meeting Sebastian, Astarion shows extreme reactions to Tav nudging any of his weak spots. His reaction varies on whatever choice you make, but it ranges from aggression to defensiveness, to denial and even to downright begging Tav.

“Don’t hate me. I just did what I had to. I swear I did what I had to.”

This probably the most shocking out of all of them, since that is not something we got to witness before. The begging is likely a mixture of intense fear of losing Tav, his low self-esteem and pre-Tav behaviour, since we can assume that Cazador made him beg more than once.

Another old coat he puts back on would also be the least surprising of them all.

Manipulation.

He falls right back into it, using Tav’s affection to get what he want if we trigger the right action.

“If they die and I ascend, I won't have to rely on the parasite to walk in the sun. I'll be free. Truly completely free. Isn't that what you want?”

This, to me, was probably the biggest tell that Astarion was back in survival mode. He’s panicking, for fucks sake, and who can blame the guy? He’s back. He’s about to face down his abuser.

Of course he’s fucking panicking.

Panic leads to an increased craving for safety and, in his case, power. This is why he clings to Tav, why he begs them to love him still. And this is why he jumps head first into the rationalisation pool.

“I will need to sacrifice them all if I want to perform the ritual. - [You can save them.] – What’s the point? They're as good as dead! I thought they were dead. If they are unleashed, they will cause incredible carnage. […] They must die. Better they serve a purpose.”

Another textbook example.

They must die anyway. They’re basically dead. No need to save them now. They’re dangerous, I’m doing the right thing by sacrificing them. I already thought they were dead, so it’s not changing anything for me. They’re a lost cause and I deserve  all this power. I deserve it, because I suffered and nothing will change if they die.

So, seeing as we already spoke about his usual behaviour in act 3 – behaviour he showed after we allowed him to breathe and be himself for a while – I think we can fairly easily conclude he’s not thinking straight.

Astarion is right back in survival mode, where all that matters is he himself. If it weren’t for the seven thousand spawns, he might have moved through this more gracefully, but seeing those tipped the scales and Astarion is absolutely losing it.

Remember that for the last section, per favore.

7. The Ascension

“Astarion wants to ascend and Tav manipulates him into doing what they want.”

That is basically the essence of what people often claim and I can’t help but shake my head at such a blatant disregard of everything he has become. This is completely ignoring the change and growth he has gone through over the course of their journey.

Astarion wants to be free. He wants to be safe. That does not mean he wants to ascend.

And the claim that Tav manipulates him into doing anything is even more baffling. We are all aware that Tav is not manipulative by nature, yes? That is entirely on you. You decide who your Tav is.

And then let’s remember: Astarion is panicked. He’s afraid and he’s not thinking straight. His abuser is on his knees before him and he still feels so weak. And there’s seven thousand spawns that need handling.

Astarion is very much not okay right now.

In fact, reading his thoughts just proves this theory.

“You can see the fear in his eyes but also the hunger. The thick smell of blood in the air and the promise of power being so close is intoxicating to him. All he can see is the power of the ritual and the freedom that power brings. The freedom to do anything. To be anything.”

Tav, however, has none of those problems. They can actually see beyond the current situation and they are fully aware what the consequences are. Astarion is not. As we previously established, Astarion is a doer. Not a thinker. He didn’t think this through, not at all.

The only thing Tav is doing – the persuasion roll – is reminding him of the very real consequences he is facing. The consequences he hasn’t thought about before.

"I know you think this will set you free, but it won't. This power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador."

And that is the kindest thing Tav could do in this situation. They’re not bodily dragging him away from Cazador. They’re not even telling him to not do it. They’re just offering him the truth. He can do with that information whatever he desires.

“Astarion cries when he doesn’t ascend, that just shows that it was the wrong choice.”

A hare-brained point that I thankfully have only seen once so far.

That crying? That is healthy crying.

That is him, crumbling under the stress that suddenly dissipates. That is him mourning two hundred years of torment. That’s him letting out feelings he hasn’t been able to for centuries.

And, for the love of god, try to put yourself in his shoes.

Two hundred years of torment, ended in but a moment.

Astarion was abused and tortured for so long, afraid for so long only to see his tormentor die just like that.

Cazador died within a moment and all Astarion needed was a darn blade. Of course he fucking cries.

Seeing how pathetic a being the very core of your life’s misery actually is hurts. It hurts like hell because not only are you finally free – free! – no, you’re faced with the fact that this pile of nothing, the thing that’s bleeding out right in front of you…this was what tortured for so long.

This thing hurt you so much. That guy took everything from you, everything you once were, and broke it again and again and again over years.

You were so scared of this thing.

And yet he has the gall and the gumption to die just like that.

It was so easy.

And yet you suffered for so long.

8. Evil Playthrough?

An evil playthrough is really a different setting altogether.

All of this, as you can probably tell, is really only applicable on a good playthrough. Realistically speaking. I’m not sure how the game mechanics handle it.

On an evil path, Astarion never really gets to experience kindness and goodness. Evil Tav will just prove him right in his believe that the world is a vile and cold place, meaning that he realistically would be more inclined to actually want to ascend.

9. Final Conclusion

I think all of this should be enough to make it clear that no, ascended Astarion is not the best ending for the guy. In fact, it is probably the worst. Because it’s just him, running away. He’s running into a lonely and cold state of being, where cruelty and power lord over everything else and he’s running because he’s terrified of being hurt again. He’s running despite desperately wanting to stop running.

“I'll spend the rest of my life running watching the shadows, never feeling safe…no, this has to happen. Here and now.”

And, the worst part is: Nothing about Astarion is left after he ascends. Even his tone of speaking gradually changes, his theatrics fading. He’s slowly losing himself, until there’s nothing but an evil caricature left.

So, in the end, ascension will have proven him right.

That version of him is dead.

#baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate #baldurs gate #bg3 #astarion #the dark urge #tav #astarion romance #astarion ancunin #astarion and tav #bg3 act 1 #bg3 act 2 #bg3 act 3 #act 3 #act 2 #act 1 #araj oblodra

[collaredkittyboy]

Well it's come up multiple times today so I'll make a post about it.

I think the popularization of the word "twink" has ultimately been really bad for people in general.

I know it's hard to track the positive and negative effects of language but I don't think it's hard to see how creating a word for a group of people wherein the most consistent qualifying trait is "being skinny" is healthy for people's self image. Obviously people have lots of ideas about what it means to be a twink- gay, lacking body hair, feminine, beautiful, young, white- but the most consistent descriptor I've seen is "skinny." Hell, it's even a body type on Grindr; the size below "average."

So it kind of functions as a code word in the gay community: anyone can say that they're only interested in twinks and they don't have to look shallow by saying they only like skinny guys. It's such an accepted attitude that no one really bats an eye when they hear it.

I'm not even going to get into how it's become part of the larger issue of people turning "top" and "bottom" into gender roles 2.0, but that is closely related, because people with any internalized homophobia can look at a skinny, feminine man and turn off their fag alarms by viewing him as a woman or not a "real" man, and it makes twinks more acceptable to society at large.

No, ignoring all of that, one of the biggest issues is that gay men are taught by society that they are only attractive while they are skinny. Just having the label "twink" reminds a boy that people are looking at his body and judging it. There were countless times when I was growing up that people would tell me, "You're such a twink," or argue about whether or not I qualified as a twink because I had body hair. People around you, unpromted, judge your body and give you a label based on it, and that label has a large influence on whether or not you're seen as objectively attractive. I know many other gay people who say they wish they were a twink so they could be more attractive to guys.

So think, you have all these kids growing up being told whether or not they qualify as a twink, and then we have the gay community as a whole where it's completely acceptable to say you're only attracted to twinks. I think its because of all of this pressure to be a twink (in other words, to have a below average weight) that many of the gay people that I interact with struggle with a negative body image or eating disorders.

I mean, people talk about "twink death" like it's an actual event that makes a gay man much less attractive, and no one thinks that, maybe, it's harmful to tell a guy that the very day he stops being young and thin and pretty, he will stop being attractive and celebrated?

I'm not qualified to speak on fatphobia in physical queer spaces because I don't have the ability to frequent them where I live, but I can't imagine that these aren't issues at social gatherings as well. I also can't speak on my own experiences with weight discrimination because so far in my life I have had a naturally thin body, but I have experienced a lot of outside pressure to be thin that have caused me to pick up unhealthy eating habits to reduce my weight in fear that I could become fat later on. Thankfully that is something that I've mostly been able to work past. I'm not an expert, but idk, I just wanted to rant on my silly tumblr blog.

Obviously it's impossible for a word to be inherently bad. I'm not trying to imply that saying "twink" is a magic word with evil powers. Obviously the real issues at play here are fatphobia and harmful beauty standards and body shaming. But in my opinion, the popular use of the word twink has made it much easier and acceptable to express fatphobia, etc, in the gay community by turning "skinny person" into a "type of guy that you should try to be so you can be attractive."

#i know i sound annoying and woke but this is my blog and i can post whatever i want :3 #theres so much more to say but this is long enough as it is #no ones gonna read this anyway #gay #queer issues #fatphobia #cw ed mention

[adoresol]

Can you make a reaction of how RIIZE would react when you are sitting on his lap and/or you start moving a lot? I love your profile!

shotaro — he'd try to be so oblivious to it, not wanting to come to the conclusion that he's getting hard. he'd gently rest a hand on your waist and tap your shoulder, a smile making its way onto his lips when you make eye contact. “baby, sorry, but can you stop moving so much? it's... i'm getting hard.“ mumbling the last part with such shame because shotaro doesn't want to make you think he's some freak who can't control his dick. butttt, when you respond with getting off his lap and wrapping your mouth around his cock as an apology... he is not complaining.

eunseok — he'd be very blunt. he loves whenever you sit on his lap so it's your designated seat majority of the time. which is why when there was no space in shotaro's car with the rest of the members, you ended up sitting on your boyfriend's lap. but the bumps in the road and your constant movement made things harder for him. eunseok's eyes would be staring directly at your ass, his cock only getting harder by the second. he'd grip your waist with a bit of strength, wanting to elevate the feeling of your ass rubbing against his cock. “baby, if you don't stop moving, i'm afraid i'm just gonna have to fuck you with everybody watching.”

sungchan — he loves whenever you sit on his lap but you wore a skirt so you were consistently fixing and readjust your outfit. “i love you, princess.” he'd try to give hints as to the fact that he's slowly getting hard by being more touchy, kissing your shoulder and complimenting you. “are you hard?” you whispered, turning around to face sungchan. he clenched his jaw to suppress a groan, nodding his head. “let's go to the bathroom.” immediately walks out with you in front of him just so he can fuck you in the bathroom.

wonbin — he would be soooo whiny, hiding his face behind your back or in the crook of your neck. you're aware of what you're doing, and you love the effect that it has on him. “baby, stop..” wonbin mumbled, his hands tightening around your waist. “stop what?” you asked him, innocently. he can't help but start trying to grind against your ass, his chest heaving up and down as he tries to get it over with before the members came back to the car, not wanting to get caught at the sight of wonbin pathetically humping you from behind.

seunghan — he hates whenever you tease him but he also loves it so much. but the feeling began getting too much and all he wanted to do was pull your underwear to the side and fuck you. obviously you weren't going to give in, considering you were trying to press his buttons. but seunghan can play that game too. “you want me to stop? thought you wanted to play around, hm?” soon enough, it's you begging for him to stop. his hand was hovering over your pussy, his thumb rubbing around the clit through your underwear.

sohee — you weren't doing it on purpose, he knew that much. you were simply laughing at whatever jokes his members were making or singing along to the songs that played through the radio. but his cock just seemed to forget that. the constant rubbing of your ass against his cock felt too much. he'd tap your shoulder with a nervous smile. “i... please stop moving.” and at that moment, it hits you as to what you've been doing. you feel so bad that you calm down and kiss sohee on the cheek, and he thinks you're the most precious person he's ever met.

anton — his big hands would be kept firm on your waist, the more you grind your ass against his cock the stronger his grip becomes. “is everything okay?” you asked your boyfriend, turning around to see his face paler than ever. “just... dehydrated. i'm okay.” he'd reassure you with a shy smile, kissing the corner of your lips. he'd feel so embarrassed having to tell you that he got hard because you were sitting on his lap, and the fact that you didn't seem to notice made him not want to air himself out like that.

#adoresol ✮ #riize imagines #riize smut #osaki shotaro smut #osaki shotaro imagines #shotaro imagines #shotaro smut #jung sungchan imagines #jung sungchan smut #sungchan smut #sungchan imagines #song eunseok imagines #song eunseok smut #eunseok imagines #eunseok smut #park wonbin imagines #park wonbin smut #wonbin imagines #wonbin smut #hong seunghan imagines #hong seunghan smut #seunghan imagines #seunghan smut #lee sohee imagines #lee sohee smut #sohee imagines #sohee smut #lee anton imagines #lee anton smut #anton smut

[hey-must-be-a-devilbetween-us]

Just been thinking about how when Aziraphale said that 'Nothing Lasts Forever' and Crowley immediately took that in a totally different way than Aziraphale intended.

The look of surprise and confusion that quickly becomes desperation that takes over Aziraphale face as Crowley walks away, he calls out to him, begs him to come back to him, and quickly covers it up with 'to heaven.'

he didn't mean them, he would never mean them.

(a lot more under the cut)

the places would change, the circumstances would change, the people and the play and the drama would change, they have always had different seasons of their relationship.

but them, together, as always been as constant as the tides and the phases of the moon, even if they get separated for a month or a decade or a century, they always come back together.

Also been thinking about how Crowley doesn't have faith in a lot of things (for obvious reasons), but the most heart breaking is how he has no faith that underneath it all, no matter what, Aziraphale loves him and wants to be with him, even though he has a mountain of evidence of it.

Its been pointed out that Aziraphale this whole season has seemed to be trying to get closer emotionally to Crowley, 'shooting his shot.'

'Its our car, its our bookshop, its our plan to save Gabriel, take my hand lets dance while you tell me what's wrong my dear boy.'

More than just an arrangement, more than fraternizing, more then just friendly banter over drinks and food, it always was more, but now they can act like it, Aziraphale is going for it in his own way.

and Aziraphale is so obviously frustrated during the fight that Crowley doesn't see that.

but come on, you can't blame Crowley at this point, Aziraphale is effectively asking Crowley to change literally everything about themselves and forget a millennia of trauma and anger and guilt and self-loathing.

It sure makes it seem like Aziraphales love is now suddenly conditional on them changing.

I don't think Aziraphale sees it that way though right?

He doesn't see it as 'I will love Crowley more if they are an angel.' he sees it as 'Crowley will be happier as an angel surely? They will also be safer with that designation.' and 'any sacrifice will be worth it if it means we'll finally be able to be safe and together.'

See, I don't think Aziraphale even wants Crowley to be an angel again.

I think he's trying to convince himself that he wants that, which is what makes the Metatron offering that in the first place so damn insidious.

I think in his heart of hearts, appointing Crowley to be an angel again is just as much of a sacrifice to him as leaving his beloved bookshop, leaving earth with all its wonderful music and color and life and stories and people, but what does that say about him as an angel?

Everyone can sneer and look down on him for having affections for a demon but there is some plausible deniability that its just bad circumstances, Crowley just happens to be a demon but he's really very lovely once you get to know him, in spite of it all.

But like...giving Aziraphale the opportunity to make Crowley an angel again and he doesn't want to take it because...he loves Crowley exactly the way he is? That he may have had a crush on the angel he was, but it was truly The Demon Crowley that he fell in love with.

I think Aziraphale is gonna need some time to get brave enough to say that with his whole chest (but dear lord will it be wonderful when he does.)

And the Metatron knows this, and he knows Crowley is exactly who he is supposed to be, and so The Metatron knows that Crowley could never ever say yes to going back, it goes against his very nature, he knew that Crowley would take it exactly the way he did.

(Ergo more evidence that splitting them up is the whole goal because they're just too powerful together.)

So, Aziraphale is stuck in the worst way I can imagine.

He's given the opportunity to have everything he should want, so he's trying to make the best of it even though it decidedly isn't what he wants, because its evident that the meddling from Heaven and Hell isn't going away, the Metatron is giving him the path of least resistance, isn't that going along with Heaven as far as he can?

Every word he says to Crowley about how wonderful it will be and how this is an amazing opportunity and we'll be together and we'll make better choices, we'll make a difference.

Its trying to convince himself just as much.

I think Aziraphale is terrified of going back to heaven by himself, but what other choice does he have? He's terrified about what will happen if he doesn't, and not because of any explicit threat by the Metatron, but what it would imply about him, if they knew exactly how he felt about Crowley, what might they do to them both?

and that's why the Kiss™ is so horrible and beautiful at the same time, its harsh and it looks like it hurts when their teeth bump together and it is so desperate, but Aziraphale still clings to Crowley, trembling and whimpering (jesus christ sheen...)

More than an expression of romantic love (because by God herself have they expressed it in so many ways for thousands of years,) its a plea to stay, choose this, choose us.

And Aziraphale wants to, but he can't, and its agony, but how could he explain that to Crowley when he barely understands it himself, he doesn't recognize what the Metatron has done.

That's why Aziraphale seems just as angry at the kiss as he is fucking devastated, its not a 'how dare you kiss me,' its an 'how dare you kiss me right now, in this moment, when if it had came earlier everything might have been different."

"How dare you kiss me now to just let me know everything I'm giving up, and not just because you wanted to."

"How dare you make this our first kiss."

Aziraphale doesn't see the Kiss™ as the Hail Mary that it is, he sees it as a spiteful bitter thing, something that he has been yearning for forever being twisted into something to hurt him, but I think he can see the sadness and fear in it too, so he forgives Crowley for it.

And of course, Crowley takes that to mean, "I forgive you for kissing me when you know that's not how I feel, for trying to manipulate me." or something to that effect, either way its enough for him to leave the conversation, nothing more to say.

I think Aziraphales next arc is going to be all about being open and honest and brave, which is in exact juxtaposition to the traits that made him grow closer to Crowley in the first place and that's what really fucking gets me.

From giving away the flaming sword, the entire damn arrangement, trying to thwart the apocalypse, to the very fact that he loves Crowley.

"I'm a fallen angel! I lied! To thwart the will of God!"

"Yeah, ya did, but I'm not gonna tell anybody, are you?"

"Then nothing has to change."

Except it did, and it does, if they are to get their happy ending in their cottage in the south downs.

anyway, yeah that's all i wanted to say i think, how was your guys week so far?

gif credit:

@starklystar @raggedy-spaceman @spooks-ez

(if i missed anyone or miscredited pls lmk!)

cont in reply (i like what i wrote here so i'm trying to keep track lol)

#good omens 2 #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #crowley #aziraphale #neil gaiman #good omens meta #good omens 2 analysis #haha #i've been coming back and adding to this for days now #don't flop please haha #its alright my 7 mutuals will like it and thats enough for me :) #i'm really normal #so normal right now