#so on the day my mum was away my grandparents came over for lunch which is fine. its all very fussy n i was basically a host | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

causeiwanttoandican · 3 years

Text

The Times

Prince William’s close friends on what makes him tick — and why he’s not trapped

March 20 2021, 6:00pm

As the world devours the Harry and Meghan interview, what’s going on with the brother who was left behind? He’s embracing his destiny, William’s close friends tell the Sunday Times royal correspondent, Roya Nikkhah

Next month Prince William will celebrate his tenth wedding anniversary — the day he became a duke and embarked on the most formative decade of his life. Back then, the tentative 28-year-old newlywed was not ready to devote himself entirely to royal duties. A decade on, he is in a very different position.

The job of being the heir to the heir to the throne, of finding a balance between life and duty, is difficult at the best of times. These are not the best of times. In their bombshell interview with Oprah Winfrey this month the Duke and Duchess of Sussex accused the royal family and the institution around it of racism and callous disregard for a suicidal newcomer, among many other damning charges. Harry the spare also declared that William was trapped within “the system … My brother can’t leave that system, but I have.”

In the immediate aftermath of the interview William was “reeling”, a source close to the duke says. “His head is all over the place on it.” Four days after the Sussexes had their say, he hit back during an engagement with the Duchess of Cambridge at a school in east London. Asked about accusations of racism, William retorted with restrained fury: “We’re very much not a racist family.” He also confirmed that he hadn’t spoken to Harry yet, “but will do”. By the weekend it emerged they had “been in contact”.

William is thought to have been less than thrilled a few days later when that conversation made global headlines after the American presenter Gayle King, a close friend of the Sussexes, revealed live on air that it had not been an easy chat: “I did actually call them to see how they were feeling,” she told viewers. “Harry has talked to his brother and he had talked to his father too. The word I was given was that those conversations were not productive.” The intervention prompted a senior royal source to say that “none of the households will be giving a running commentary on private conversations”.

A close friend of both brothers says Harry’s “trapped” comment was “way off the mark”, insisting that William does not see it that way. “He has a path set for him and he’s completely accepting of his role. He is very much his grandmother’s grandson in that respect of duty and service.”

When the Queen turned 90 nearly five years ago William admitted “the challenge” that “occupies a lot of thinking space” is how to “modernise and develop” the royal family, and make it “relevant in the next 20 years’ time”. Twenty years now seems like a very long time. In the hours and days after the Oprah broadcast, William was at the heart of all discussions with the Queen and the Prince of Wales about how to respond to the Sussexes. He was keen that the issue of race should be acknowledged in the Queen’s statement as an area of particular concern that “will be addressed”.

William has always railed against being a “ribbon-cutter royal” and the issues he champions — mental health, battling racism in football, homelessness and his ramped-up eco-warrior role — are a window into where the future King William V will take the House of Windsor. A friend says: “He’s a small-c conservative. He values tradition and the need to go around the country, but he realises he can make a difference beyond traditional royal duties.”

Today royal popularity is, to put it mildly, in a state of flux, but William’s strategy has been working. Post-Oprah, he ranks just below the Queen at the top of a YouGov poll of royals. Not so long ago such a position looked like a long shot, when the “workshy Wills” and “reluctant royal” tags plagued him and he was clocking up fewer days of royal work than his nonagenarian grandparents. Pictures of him hitting the ski slopes and clubs of Swiss resort Verbier in March 2017, missing a Commonwealth service that even the Duke of York flew back for, didn’t help.

After the lasting PR gold dust of the Cambridges’ 2011 wedding and the births of Prince George and Princess Charlotte, it was the first public nosedive for William, who was still working as an air ambulance pilot. “That pissed him off,” a friend says. “He was leaving home at 5.30am, getting home after dark and saving lives in between, but people were still being critical of his commitment to his [other] job.” William was based at Cambridge airport with East Anglian Air Ambulance for two years, where he was on call for “some very sad, dark moments”, often working “on very traumatic jobs involving children”. He later acknowledged that “after I had my own children … the relation between the job and the personal life was what really took me over the edge, and I started feeling things that I have never felt before”. But it was a job he loved, because of “working in a team … that’s something that my other job doesn’t necessarily do. You are more out there on your own.”

A former royal aide says: “Immediately after their wedding he had a very clear idea of the pace at which he wanted to take things.” William was adamant he wouldn’t curtail his day jobs, first as an RAF search and rescue helicopter pilot in Anglesey and then with the air ambulance. “If you’re not careful, duty can weigh you down an awful lot at an early age,” he said, insisting he didn’t “lie awake waiting or hoping” to be king. He delayed full-time royal duties until the autumn of 2017, when, acknowledging the Cambridges’ future required more time at “monarchy HQ”, they moved from Norfolk to London and George started school.

He’d had to fight his corner for the air ambulance role. A source close to William reveals “there were lots of raised eyebrows in the Palace when he wanted to do that. While the Queen and his father backed him, some senior courtiers questioned whether it was becoming of a future king to be doing a middle-class role, hanging out with ordinary people. They thought he wouldn’t stick it out, he’d find it boring, or was doing it out of stubbornness to put off royal duties. He was pretty bloody-minded about it, and determined that other people’s expectations in the media or the system shouldn’t get in the way of his own values.” In the wake of Harry and Meghan’s interview much has been speculated about the extent to which royal life is dictated by Palace officials, but it is clear that William has managed to forge his own path. Who knows how high those senior courtiers’ eyebrows rose in 2019, when William spent three weeks shadowing the spooks of MI5, MI6 and GCHQ to learn how they combat terrorism. He insisted on being called “Will” and lunching in the canteen every day.

Those closest to the duke say his resistance to the idea of full-time royal duties stemmed not only from a desire to achieve something for himself but also from a fear of the impact on his family life. Miguel Head worked alongside the prince for ten years until 2018, as William, Kate and Harry’s communications secretary and later as William’s private secretary. “In his role everyone’s going to tell you you’re marvellous,” Head says. “The RAF and air ambulance jobs were about knowing what his abilities were, what he was good at in his own right. Without that he’d still be hankering for something that was his own.” After children came along he says William developed a “visceral determination to give them a life of consistency and privacy that were missing for large parts of his own childhood”.

Another close aide says the plan enabling the Cambridges to have a few years of “normal” married life, away from the full-time glare of the royal spotlight, paid dividends: “For years, the battles around privacy and paparazzi intrusion were all-consuming. He wanted to know, could we build them a credible plan allowing them a family life while slowly increasing the profile of official life? It took years to get there, but the success of that plan allowed him to be confident and content in his role. He’s not worried about his kids’ privacy any more and he has been able to be the kind of dad he wants to be.”

“Marriage maketh the man,” a friend says. “Catherine’s groundedness has been the critical anchor. And where his relationship with the media was once all fury and frustration, he now understands using the power of modern media, so the public feel they’re getting enough access.”

The children’s birthdays are marked with photographs — often taken by the Duchess of Cambridge — and there has been a noticeable increase in their public appearances of late. While not “officially” staged, William was happy to let George and Charlotte be photographed at their first Aston Villa match with Mum and Dad in 2019. Pandemic set pieces have shown the family clapping for the NHS on the steps of Anmer Hall, their Norfolk home, and, before Christmas, their first red-carpet appearance together for an evening at the panto with key workers and their children.

As they celebrate their anniversary on April 29, friends who joined the Cambridges on their wedding day tell me the partnership’s equal footing is key to its success. “They’ve got a solid relationship and she gives him confidence,” one says. “There is no jealousy, no friction, they are happy for each other’s successes.” In private William talks as passionately about Kate’s work as his own campaigns, and takes pride in her growing confidence on the public stage.

William has said his grandmother’s approach to being head of state is to take “more of a passive role. She’s above politics and is very much away from it.” He doesn’t plan to meddle in party politics, but he was not happy about the unenviable position the government put the Queen in with the 2019 proroguing of parliament, which was later ruled to be unlawful and forced an apology from Boris Johnson to the monarch. Constitutionally the Queen had no alternative other than to act on the advice of her government, but in William’s reign there will be “more private, robust challenging of advice”. His last three private secretaries — Christian Jones, Simon Case, now the cabinet secretary, and Head — had all worked in government departments, helping William to keep his finger on the political pulse. The new incumbent, the Whitehall heavyweight Jean-Christophe Gray, who served as David Cameron’s spokesman, continues in that vein.

The former Conservative leader Lord Hague of Richmond was last year appointed as chairman of the Royal Foundation to develop William’s work on mental health, the environment and a raft of new support programmes for key workers. “People internationally and nationally respect his credibility and knowledge on these issues,” Hague says. “He’s very persuasive. You only see that behind the scenes. He knows what he wants and he goes out to get it.”

Charlie Mayhew, chief executive of the conservation charity Tusk, has known William since he was 20. In 2005 Tusk and Centrepoint, the homelessness charity championed by Princess Diana, were the first patronages William took on. “In those early years I kept having to pinch myself to remember how young he was,” Mayhew says. “He was much more mature than his age and very aware of his destiny coming down the track. He had a sincerity, but never without wicked humour. His teasing is merciless.”

William knows some people see his passion for conservation as a posh man’s part-time hobby, but Mayhew says the duke’s “genuine and huge knowledge” undermines that view. “He’ll call and WhatsApp to flag up something that I haven’t even seen in the conservation space. He can be impatient to get things done.” Last year William launched the Earthshot prize, a £50 million Nobel-style environmental award to galvanise solutions to global problems over the next decade. He believes “conservation and the environment … shouldn’t be a luxury, it’s a necessity”, Mayhew says. “That’s the drum he wants to beat. He’s got a megaphone and wants to use it in the most constructive way. He speaks for that next generation and I think they can relate to it.”

A turning point for William was his 2015 official visit to China, one of the world’s largest consumers of ivory, where he met President Xi and condemned the illegal wildlife trade as a “vicious form of criminality”. Unlike his father, who has refused to visit the People’s Republic over its human rights record and treatment of Tibet, William’s view was that despite the UK’s fractious relationship with China, “we’ve got to engage”.

“It was very political, raising the illegal wildlife trade in China. I’m sure the diplomats were having all sort of nightmares in advance,” says Mayhew, who joined the duke in China. “But he was gathering greater confidence that he had the ability to be a mouthpiece for the issue.” Mayhew reveals that while William was visiting Japan before China, he still hadn’t secured a meeting with Xi. “But when the Chinese saw all the high-level meetings he was having in Japan, they changed their minds and Xi made time for him.” Later that year, as Xi began a UK state visit, William appeared on Chinese television condemning the ivory trade. Two years later China banned the trade.

In 2018 he spent months prepping for his most high-stakes overseas visit yet, to Israel and the occupied Palestinian territories that summer. Navigating the diplomatic tightrope walk between Jerusalem and the West Bank, he visited a Palestinian refugee camp in Ramallah. As he travelled back to Jerusalem, he changed his speech for a reception with young Israelis and Palestinians to strengthen his solidarity with the latter: “My message tonight is that you have not been forgotten … The United Kingdom stands with you.” It was a bold move, but both sides hailed his visit a success and the officials breathed a sigh of relief. To the delight of the travelling press pack, William’s engagements on the final day were brought forward, allowing the diplomat duke and president of the Football Association to land back in the UK in time to watch England’s World Cup tie.

Ask him if he’s a peacemaker and William will laugh, saying Kate is the mediator. But according to a source close to William and Harry, his bridge-building skills were deployed in the lead-up to Harry and Meghan’s wedding in 2018, when tensions in the Kensington Palace household, then still shared by the brothers, were running high: “Every time there was a drama, or a member of staff on the verge of quitting, William would personally try and sort it out.”

As the brothers clashed more over the substance and style of their work, and the family hierarchy that William is a stickler for but Harry is less keen on, a split was inevitable. When they finally divided their households in March 2019, it had been a long time coming. But he never thought that a year later his brother would up sticks for America.

The pair went for a long walk to clear the air after the “Sandringham summit” when the Megxit deal was hammered out, but did not part shores as friends. What upset William the most was Harry and Meghan’s surprise launch of their “Sussex Royal” website before the summit, which featured their blueprint wish list of a part-time, commercial royal future. Later, when the Queen decreed they could no longer use “royal” in their future ventures, their website hit back with this bold statement: “While there is not any jurisdiction by The Monarchy … over the use of the word ‘Royal’ overseas, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex do not intend to use ‘Sussex Royal’ … or … ‘Royal’ …” Both “the content and that it’s still online is staggering”, a senior royal source says. “That was it for William, he felt they’d blindsided the Queen in such an insulting and disrespectful way,” says a source close to him, who reveals it was still at the forefront of William’s mind at the Commonwealth Day service one year ago. It was the Sussexes’ final engagement as working royals, and the froideur between them and the rest of the family was unmistakable.

It is a year since the Sussexes left for California and William misses Harry. “Once he got over the anger of how things happened, he was left with the absence of his brother,” an aide says. “They shared everything about their lives, an office, a foundation, meetings together most days and there was a lot of fun along the way. He’ll miss it for ever.” A close friend says William “definitely feels the pressure now it’s all on him — his future looks different because of his brother’s choices, it’s not easy.” Another friend says: “It’s still raw. He’s very upset by what’s happened, though absolutely intent that he and Harry’s relationship will heal in time.”

After lobbing bombs in his Oprah interview, Harry said: “I love William to bits … We’ve been through hell together … we have a shared experience … The relationship is space at the moment, and time heals all things, hopefully.” Harry would be wise not to set his stopwatch.

The first test will come this summer, when the brothers could be reunited for a series of family engagements including the Duke of Edinburgh’s 100th birthday and the Queen’s birthday parade in June. In July they are scheduled to unveil a statue of their mother at Kensington Palace, marking what would have been Diana’s 60th birthday, an emotionally charged occasion with the world watching.

While a chasm has opened up between the brothers, William has grown closer to the Queen and Prince Charles. He has helped them to navigate their way through Megxit, Prince Andrew’s removal from public life following the Jeffrey Epstein scandal and, now, the Oprah controversy. “That has changed the way the Queen sees him and values his input,” a courtier says. William also feels his relationship with his grandmother has “massively improved” in recent years and their views are “more aligned than ever”.

Friends say there has also been a “renaissance” in William and Charles’s relationship. “As the years passed there were strains imposed by the system — money, work, competition, Diana,” one says. “Part of William’s evolution is that as he has become closer to his father, he sees their similarities. At William’s wedding there was a gag in one of the speeches that he was more like his father than he’d ever admit, which made a lot of us laugh. As their respective destinies get closer, it weighs more heavily on them and strengthens the bond. The rift with Harry has also brought them closer.”

William is said to hate “flummery”, though the role of future king comes with plenty of bowing and scraping. But in 2017, for the first time publicly, he didn’t get his way. As a new parent worried about rising teenage suicide rates, he had spent a year convening a Cyberbullying Taskforce with big cheeses from tech and social media giants including Facebook, Snapchat, Apple, Google and Twitter. He wanted them to adopt industry-wide guidelines creating safer online spaces for children. According to William the meetings at Kensington Palace got “fruity” and the tech giants didn’t come close to the change he wanted. He was furious.

Tessy Ojo, chief executive of the Diana Award youth charity, sat on the taskforce. “He was deeply disappointed,” she says. “He didn’t come into it as ‘the duke’, he gave emotional pleas as a father.” William has since publicly condemned social media giants for their “false choice of profits over values” and privately offered support to the family of Molly Russell, who took her life at 14 after viewing images of self-harm online. Ojo believes it is William’s “lived experience of the fragility of life that guides the work he does”.

It also shapes the way he and Kate are raising their family. William has said he is determined that the grandchildren Diana never knew should “know who she was and that she existed”. He “constantly” talks to his children “about Granny Diana” at bedtime, so that they know “there are two grandmothers in their lives”. Earlier this month on Mother’s Day, Kensington Palace’s social media feeds published George, Charlotte and Louis’s cards paying tribute to “Granny Diana”, revealing it is an annual ritual for the Cambridge children. After a difficult few weeks for William, a line in Charlotte’s card provided poignant insight into how he is feeling: “Papa is missing you.”

He is on course to be a more modern monarch than any before him, but William is still a creature of habit at heart. He has the same tight circle of friends from his schooldays, one of whom says that, with William, “it’s all about trust and loyalty”. He plays five-a-side football in his Villa socks when he can, goes to the Chelsea Harbour Club gym he went to as a child with his mother and has a “smart casual” public uniform of chinos, jacket, blue shirt and no tie.

“William’s not trying to be down with the kids,” a friend says. “He never wants to be painted as irrelevant or dull, though he’s allergic to being compared to celebrities. The public doesn’t always get to see his funny side, but otherwise he’s the same in private as in public. He once said, ‘I’ll be in the public eye all my life. I can’t hide who I am because I’ll be found out.’ ”

In 2019, during a visit to a youth homelessness charity supporting LGBT people, William was asked how he would feel if one of his children was gay. “Absolutely fine,” he replied. “I fully support whatever decision they make, but it does worry me from a parent’s point of view how many barriers, hateful words, persecution and discrimination might come.” Such a personal exchange was a radical departure from royal engagement small talk. But William, the first in his family to be photographed for the cover of a gay magazine, had personally put the issue on the agenda.

As president of Bafta he gave the academy a diplomatic dressing down in his speech at last year’s ceremony, expressing his “frustration” over the lack of diversity: “In 2020, and not for the first time in the last few years, we find ourselves talking again about the need to do more to ensure diversity in the sector and in the awards process — that simply cannot be right in this day and age.” The 2021 nominees announced this month suggest his words hit home.

William “thinks the public look to him to keep royal work looking modern”, a confidante says. “The Queen and Prince of Wales are providing continuity and stability. He’s carving out his own relationship with diverse communities. He sees it all as a way of doing things now that will help a smooth transition when the time comes.”

Since the start of the coronavirus pandemic, as a former frontline worker himself, William has led the royal charge supporting key workers. “Now, more than ever, he knows what his role in public life is, and he sees the value in it,” a close aide says. Chatting to NHS workers in January, William said: “Something that I noticed from my brief spell flying the air ambulance … is that when you see so much death and so much bereavement, it does impact how you see the world … as a … darker, blacker place.” Soon after the first lockdown was announced, the Cambridges’ Royal Foundation launched Our Frontline, a round-the-clock mental health and bereavement service for key workers.

Miguel Head says the future King William will continue to campaign on his big issues: “I can’t see him backing away from causes he’s passionate about. And while he’s not someone who loves ceremony, he knows the importance of it. When he gets the top job he won’t do away with it all. He’s mindful the monarchy represents something timeless that’s above all of us, and many people like the magic and theatre of it.”

Roya Nikkhah

Roya is royal correspondent at The Sunday Times. Over more than a decade she has covered royal events for the BBC, interviewed the Prince of Wales and Prince Harry and presented the films Prince William, Monarch in the Making and Meghan and Harry: The Baby Years.

#William #TeamQueen #TeamWilliam #TeamCambridge

166 notes · View notes

blankdblank · 3 years

Text

Brother Dearest Pt 71

“Wow,” Howard said in his lean forward in his seat taking in the manor that came into view after having followed the Twins’ points to guide the car down the proper pathway on your land. And through the drive inside the wall the car pulled up to the front door where they saw Victor in the doorway. His smile spread as Jarvis parked and him, Howard, Peggy and Daniel climbed out to look around at the Howlett Manor.

Daniel lowly muttered, “Oh ya, not after perks of the title at all.”

Victor in their walk over chuckled and said, “More for the size for the babies than anything. Our old cabin had seven bedrooms. Have to reshuffle some room for the babies.”

Daniel, “Shouldn’t the walking through the big place be contradicting to her need to rest?”

Victor, “Not really, Bunny has been pacing. The room is helpful for that.” His head nodded to the side, “Come on in she’s fixed up a snack.”

Every room along the way was detailed until Peggy smiled and crossed the spacious kitchen to give you a hug and then take a moment to take in the growth in size you had taken on since the last time you had seen her. “You look fantastic.”

“I feel like I’ve doubled in size, but we’re coming up on the end of the worst of it. Because if I grow any more they can just roll me around the place.”

Howard was next for a hug and said, “Now now, you are not being rolled anywhere. You look perfectly plump as you should.”

When he pulled back Sousa said, “Hell of a house.”

“Well it’s been in James and Victor’s family. Just finished off the major repairs and fix up jobs around the place and spent all our paint and stocked up papers for the walls.”

James smirked loading up the wheeled cart to guide everyone to the sitting room outside the kitchen to enjoy the snacks. After which another tour was to be had crossed by the path of the excited puppies and the babies in their being gathered up to head to their grandparent’s again.

Norma and Leanora, the former with a wide smile and the girl on her hip took her husband’s side for the rest of the tour as talk of the film took over and from another stop to a sitting room they got to business while Peggy and Daniel strolled with you through the Manor and out to the lake.

Daniel said, “You are sure you are fine? We can barely see the house.”

In a smirk at him as James’ hand smoothed over your lower back after you’d stepped over a known bunny hole in the tall grass you had marked with a rock. “I am perfectly fine. Go fishing daily. Helps to bring more food in for supper and helps to knock down the fish population. They’ve seemingly doubled since last summer. River must have froze over early preventing the bears time to fish later in the season.”

Daniel, “Bears? You have bears?”

You giggled and James said, “They’re not ours, but they’ve grown up on our land. They keep their space and are fairly docile when we cross in the forest.”

“I have a picture of some of the cubs we crossed by on our honeymoon. Heavier than they look but they are friendly and curious.”

Peggy said, “I thought it was key to not touch the cubs to prevent angering their Mum.”

“Normally, but they know our scents and we haven’t hunted any of the bears in years actually. We have a sort of deal with the zoo to loan out our males to help breed with their own bears when they need it. And they don’t seem too bothered when they are brought back. Or at least they tell us they aren’t.” James said and that had the confused Chief look at him making you giggle.

“James and Victor can talk to animals and trees. Helps to keep the land. Ooh,” you said lowering your gaze to a large porcupine that jumped at the sound of your approach and in its planned twist to flare out its barbs you could see its three baby porcupines who scurried across the path. With a fourth that was tangled in a small bunch of clover and wild flowers with wound up stalks who let out panicked cries at being left alone.

“Hey little guy,” the Chief watched as James’ hands clenched into fists and his iron laced claws with patchy spots of polished metal extended to be used in his crouch to slide between its now locked up legs while he panted and the plants trapping it there. In just a few careful motions the puffed up mother watched him scoop up the worried baby porcupine between both sets of claws he used like salad tongs to let the baby down a couple feet from her. Gently he released it and stepped back to your side with his claws receding and a smile that spread back across his lips. “She’ll calm down,” he said in the eager trot of the freed baby to his siblings’ sides.

Daniels said, “What was that? With your hands?”

James said, “Bone claws.” He said lifting his arm flat to show the still exposed nubs that eased back between his knuckles and bones in the back of his hand. “Though Jaqi helped to leech iron from our blood into the claws so they won’t break as easily back in the war.”

“How is that helpful?” Daniel asked.

Peggy, “Wouldn’t that make your arms heavier?”

James said, “It’s not a lot of iron, and it’s all from our own blood so there isn’t much difference beyond the fact that it took more effort for the other guys to break our bones. Not that they’d be broken very long.”

Daniel, “So you have fast healing like in the comics too?”

“Oh ya, makes war fun when you get to be shot left and right and pop right back up.” He mumbled with his voice fading off in your stroll past the grouped up porcupine family who took his murmured word as true that they could go back to berry picking when you had passed by in safety.

Peggy said, “Bunny, didn’t you have special healing as well in the comics?”

“Yes, although unlike them I turn metal after I heal.”

Daniel asked, “Actual metal?”

You nodded and raised a hand to lift the sleeve on your t shirt to show a small bruise on your shoulder you had been whacked by a trick door in your closet wardrobe that had him and Peggy tap your skin and the metal patch. “It fades to peachy again in time. Still getting used to the built in wardrobe in my closet. Some of the doors hate me.”

James said, “Vic is oiling the hinges for you now. Shouldn’t spring out anymore.”

You eased the sleeve down and you said, “So this birth should be interesting to watch unfold. But my Doctor is prepared for anything. Says the girls are healthy and it shouldn’t be too rough a birth on me outside of nerves for how many there are.”

Peggy, “They do have gas now. I have a cousin, she just gave birth and they gave her this gas that helps with the pain.”

“My Doc says that won’t work. Pain medicine dissolves in my bloodstream within seconds thanks to my healing powers,” parting their lips, “But he says he has a pair of medicines, one like laughing gas and another to make me sleep if it gets too bad. Sort of strong enough to kill a rhino medical grade pain meds.”

Daniel’s eyes shifted to James and he said, “How are you even standing right now? My brother in law just about collapsed hearing my sister might need stitches after her last birth?”

James smirked, “We’ll get through it. Can’t pass out I’m supposed to be there to hold one of the girls when they come out.”

Peggy, “You’re going to be there?”

He nodded and you said, “Victor and Eddie have been there for their daughters’ births, I was there for Teddy but they wouldn’t miss the girls since the nuns won’t be there to bar them.”

James, “As many people as Jaqi wants in the room will be there. Tons of space now for them all to do that.”

Daniel said in a turn of his head and view of the dock where Eddie was there already with fishing pole in hand, “Looks like your spot is taken.”

You grinned and said, “That’s my cousin Erik. His mom shouldn’t be far away.” You turned your head and waved to her in her stroll from an apple tree she’d gathered a group of apples to hand out to her son and your group who joined Erik on the dock to catch a couple more fish to go with his five he’d already caught.

“You should stay the night if you like. It’s a long drive back to Alberta and can get confusing in the dark.” You said as you caught Jarvis’ eyes drop to the inked numbers tattooed into the forearms of your aunt and cousin that Howard had stolen a glimpse at as well.

Howard with a wide smile said, “Sounds like a wonderful plan. Who would turn down a night in this place?”

The Twins and Herc came in with small tarps with metal handles on bundles of chopped firewood they split between the kitchen and a couple fire log stations nearby at fireplaces. When they came back to join you all as Victor and James got to start on lunch with Edie’s help Jeff said, “I think we got enough logs to stave off the storm.”

Daniel, “Storm?”

You said, “There’s a storm rolling in the week I’m due. Just prepping, it’ll be sunny tomorrow for your drive back.”

Herc asked in his lower to sit beside you with a nudge of a foot stool to lift your feet onto, “Still restless?”

You nodded and said, “No troubles yet. Nice and calm as usual like the day before my next Hicks blows in. Should be just fine for the Berry Festival tonight.”

“Berry Festival?” Howard asked with a smile and added that for the schedule. After lunch a round of desserts were gathered up to be taken in to town that had the group was excited to follow you in to the festival the town was readying. Excited buzz came from the people who gladly met your visiting friends and helped to warmly fold them into the activities as they took turns checking in on you.

Nestled under James’ arm sweet kisses were stolen between stops at your favorite spots and snack stands before you took up your seat at the dessert for a dance raffle. Gladly exempt you remained off of your feet beside Herc and your unseen parents with Leanora napping in the pram beside you that your hand kept rolling a couple inches back and forth to help her stay asleep.

Across the way you saw Teddy and his sister asleep by their grandparents and aunts and uncles while James took up the dance the woman who won his dessert grinned through hearing the plans ahead for his brewing family. Sharp and clear in a squeeze of Herc’s hand you inhaled deeply and brought his free hand to stroke your back in his hushed guidance through yet another painful Hicks contraction. “You’re doing good. Just a couple weeks yet.”

“Easy for everyone else to say,” you said in a reach for your drink Beau moved closer to you when the wave of pain washed away. Again you stroked a hand over your belly as the girls got to squirming around to show their return to ease.

Sight of the group of your guests who took up more of the un-partnered females onto the dance floor brought out your grin to Peggy and Daniel in a timid try for a dance that showed a few pauses to avoid trouble with his cane while his body still required use of it. In all the time he had been adjusting to the new leg his posture had grown better and a few strolls across rooms were simpler without use of the cane until he had to turn or step aside. Signs that he was close to a more natural ease of motion were made clear as Peggy’s hushed suggestion had the dance simplified and had her move in closer for a slow dance that coaxed his grin wider.

From home you subtly called your camera and snapped a picture of the groups. A kiss could have been stolen yet wasn’t, not even through the beautiful sunset and firework display. But with hands still interlocked when time came to drive home again the near to blushing duo accepted their guest rooms that were side by side. Spare pajamas already in the closets were found in their sizes and the peaceful dark everyone eased into nightly rituals to coax them off to sleep.

Changed and on your way to bed again as you sat on the end of your bed with a leg curled underneath you to the sound of James changing into his pajama pants you marveled at this new magnificent room. And from the edge on planted hands you eased back farther onto the bed to tuck your legs in and close your eyes to take in the gradual changes in your body. Still without change to your hips to show signs of labor your eyes opened to another stroke of your hands underneath James’ t shirt you brushed up exposing the giant shiny bubble your stomach had grown into. “You grow more beautiful by the day.” He hummed lifting your gaze to him on his approach of the bed.

“I wish I could be more affectionate in return.”

He chuckled and lowered onto the bed to nestle up against your side with arms around you in the release of the shirt that wrinkled under his arms, with a press of his lips to your cheek he hummed sweetly, “You are more than affectionate. The greatest thing you could do to show me affection is tend to the whims of our wandering girls.”

Softly you sighed and leaned in to claim a kiss on his lips he melted into and smirked in the rest of your forehead to his afterwards, “I just keep wandering around. I don’t get it. Trips to the lake, strolls around outside, in the house, I can’t just sit and read like I used to. Even my translations are behind.”

“It’ll be over soon, my incredible Darling.” He said accenting it with another kiss on your lips that had him hunch into an awkward position to keep you from being into an awkward position at the rest of your hands onto his neck and cheek. Sweet kisses and a round of cuddling that broke for a yawn ended in his help for you into the nest of pillows he followed you to wrap around you when the lights were out to get ample rest.

Two weeks seemed to roll by and with each day levels of exhaustion waxed and waned to the clear radio coverage on the odd storm brewing over your chunk of Canada. Now with this since a trip of a reporter Howard brought who was covering the upcoming film along with an interview for Norma through him you were confirmed to be alive still and not missing. Yet when the reporter arrived back in New York word spread and now your doomed status took a new height at this freak storm out of nowhere. Amusement from that story however faded in the latest shift of your mood. Only inside you wandered between bouts of your having to sit upright and hunched forward that you took the chance to try and translate a bit of your documents until you had to eat or go to take another nap.

Even plans of Teddy’s second birthday or tries to plan more for your first set of lessons to arrive in the mail in the next week focus was fleeting. And now daily to this evident change on the tail end of Elliot’s arrival had you checked by Herc and given promises that Elliot would help to double check your latest flawed translation. Just notice of a mistranslated word had you shoving the papers away to keep from tearing them all up as you fought off frustrated tears your parents coaxed you through in a snuggling pile and distracting stories to calm you. After a sniffle you wiped your cheek again, “I don’t get it. First my socks didn’t match now I’m mad at a word.”

“Perfectly on schedule. All from the storm, my Dazzling Queen of the Cosmos.” Your father rumbled and pressed a kiss onto your forehead guiding you to lean into his chest.

“I would get furious when I carried you,” your mother said in her own brush of a tear from your cheek, “And I broke two of our mugs. Shoving a bit of paper is not much to balk at.”

Back in the kitchen James sighed and used the can opener to open another can of baby corn, “She threw socks at me.”

Victor chuckled, “Norma prefers pillows.” James sighed and looked at his brother making him chuckle and say, “One week, Herc says we’re near the end. First the gravity change and stair trouble, now this storm is rolling in.”

“If I may?” Elliot said in his ease into the kitchen while the Twins had been readying some tea for you to go with the snacks. The brothers nodded and Elliot said, “It’s not truly a rage, or anger, it is a bout of confusion. One of the final stages, helps to irritate mothers in the end stage. We don’t truly understand the purpose yet, however it is a good sign and will pass by morning.”

James sighed and said, “She could hurl a wall at me I wouldn’t care. I know it’s not under her control right now, but she cried for such a long time at throwing socks at me.”

Victor rubbed his upper back, sighing, “Nobody wants to see her cry. I hated those waves with Norma and the same when Dawn would be lost to tears. It’ll pass and then we get to have a calmer post baby sea of hormones.”

Elliot said, “She is strong, and will pass through this brilliantly. We are all here to see her and you through it.”

James nodded and the closer he got back to your side he felt that electric wave of nerves spike at the hints that you had been upset again. Internally his mother hen switch had been flipped so much so that Teddy had taken to cuddling with him to calm the trouble the boy didn’t understand to be brewing between his aunt and uncle. All day you bounced back and forth tossed about by the whims of your hormones.

And the day after the slow ease into your seat for breakfast had Erik and the Beserkers with the ability to feel your babies and their heartbeats in heart racing stares your way. Eddie however broke the silence asking, “What are you staring at?” His eyes switching between them and you in your groggy reach for some toast to strangely bite into unbuttered.

Herc said before James could repeat the question, “The girls are turned down now.”

Dawn said, “So, she’s near to labor?”

Herc nodded, “Yes,” and his eyes scanned over you in a glance over the tray of butter James brought over you used to spread across the piece of toast you took another bite of for a more satisfying bite. “Either later today or tomorrow. When we are through eating I will give her another exam.”

Sharp inhales and squirms in your chair at the end of the meal had you helped up and guided to your bedroom where a series of checks on both blood, scans with the girdle and physical presses of your belly confirmed the unmistakable.

A clap of thunder came and as the signs showed the storm was descending you were heard muttering in the hall as you paced through a break after your first contraction, “What about the bears?”

James smirked with hold of your hand he wrapped around his arm, “The bears will be perfectly fine.”

“But the rain, and the flowers! Jeanie worked so hard on the gardens!”

Your father said on your free side, “We have a barrier to protect the gardens.”

“The house flooded before, if it keeps raining-,”

Victor said on his chair along the wall you slowly walked past, “We built up the stone drainage walls to divert rainwater. We won’t flood again. We’re prepared for the rains, Pipsqueak.”

You nodded and remained fixed in the wait for the next contraction. Slow didn’t come close to the progress of this labor. More than half a day and still by Eddie’s watch the contractions were still over an hour apart while you felt more restless than ever showing signs that something was going to happen.

“Your Highness, how are things in England?” Victor said with another glance down the hall at Edie returning to your room with a tray of food to keep up your strength.

“Very well. However we have been warned of this storm and I simply had to check if your family was safe.”

“Oh ya, we’ve seen this storm coming and are plenty prepared for however long it takes.”

“That is very good.” The line began to go static and he was heard saying, “Well I will let you dig in and please do call us if you need anything.”

“We will, Your Highness.”

“And do give our love to Bunny,”

Victor chuckled, “I will, and we are sending you the best as well.” He managed to say before the line went dead and he hung up to go and see what else he could do to help you.

Out of the bathroom when you had been helped from a bath now in a fresh pair of pajamas and your hair twisted up into a new braid he entered your bedroom. Sight of Victor mid exhale had him grin at your mildly irritated tone saying, “Don’t tell me to breathe, tell someone else to breathe. I am breathing fine.”

“That you are, Pipsqueak.”

“Come sit down, come eat.” Your mother said ushering you to the table set up beside your armchair coated by towels that helped you to hunch forward between painful contractions as your hips and pelvis refused to separate as it should to make room for the girls who were checked hourly for progress.

Food bled into a stolen nap, one of dozens where you would tuck up in your chair only to groggily awake to the next wave of pain that only worsened the struggle of those who had been on watch as you rested. Small stolen naps only seemed to worsen things as the pain grew more intense in the shrink of those time gaps.

One day bled into another supposed to be sunrise and while your father went to fetch some ice for you to chew on James took hold of your hands and eased them around his neck while you felt the next contraction coming on. Low and soft you squeaked out a whimper in a press of your forehead into his chest his hands rubbed your back in the mock slow dance pattern of steps to help ease this. Tired and simply aching to let this get over with your arms eased down and his hands planted again on your sides to follow behind you on the continued means to continue moving to not be stuck in one spot on a bed to suffer through this there.

“Shake,” Victor said in an offer of a glass and with ease his free arm moved out to let you take a grip on his bicep to drink a good few gulps of the shake he claimed hold of until your next lap when he would offer it to you again. Meals in one place now were out of the question and the few bathroom breaks you had were near unbearable at the pressure building in your hips. The tremble of your hands had him just about in tears and had him need a turn of his head away for a few steady breaths.

While Dawn and Norma rested the Twins watched the children in Eddie’s wing to let them be out of earshot if you did begin to get loud if things ever did pick up. And to the next loud explosion of thunder and shot of lightning across the sky the barely audible hum of the generators powering the lights were heard between the switch of records your mother was changing on the record player. Music was hoped to help calm things and give you something to focus on and even hum to as she had gotten you to do earlier in a failed try to get labor to quicken.

Eleven chimes of the clock sounded and fresh from another bath you walked to the foot of your bed to take a pausing moment with grip of the wooden frame to breathe after having faced another contraction in your closet Eddie and Victor in the hall asked Herc, “Two days?”

Herc wet his lips and said to another wailing wind that whipped around the walls outside on the other side of the shuttered windows at the end of the hall. “It shouldn’t be long now. Half an hour apart now.”

His head turned however to your mumble to James, who looked like he was in need of being knocked out to get some sleep at his reluctance to do so since you had been unable to get more than an hour long nap for two days. “Soon as these girls get out they’re grounded till I say so.”

Into your back his head tapped a moment and his hand moved to stroke your still hardened belly. “No arguments here, Darling.”

To the next tick of the clock however your eyes opened and your head turned to your dad who walked closer, “Another pain?” Your hand extended in the well of tears in your eyes and his rose to be claimed to plant on your stomach, a move that brought Herc and the guys back into the room. “Herc,”

Herc asked in his cross of the room, “Are the girls giving a signal?”

James, “Jaqi?”

Tearfully you whispered, “Their hearts, are slowing, down.” The last word was painfully squeaked and had his breath quicken with worry.

Your father said in a cup of your cheek with his free hand, “We mentioned a sign the girls could give. They know you’re tired, too tired to keep going. They’re ready to let us get them out now.”

Herc said in the plant of his own hand on your belly to check for himself, “Jaqi we’re going to move you to the bed and get these girls out.”

Elliot from the doorway said, “I have the tea,” fresh from your kitchen with tea cup in hand he added the ground herbal medicine into and brought it over to your reach as you were moved to be lifted onto and laid back on the bed. “Slow sips and you will start to gradually go numb to prepare for this.”

You nodded and accepted the cup while Herc readied the table and lined up Victor, James and your father to take hold of the babies while Eddie climbed to settle on the bed at your side to hold you up steady and to keep hold of your hand through this. From mental warning of the birth the Twins went to fetch Norma and Dawn from their own calming break in another sitting room at their own lack of sleep. Edie and Erik readied the bathing bowl your mother brought some warm water for it in a pitcher so they could clean the girls off nearer to you for the warned moment of panic after the birth was over and your body had healed.

James was the one to ease up your shirt through a stolen press of his lips on your brow as Herc with middle finger held by his thumb gave your belly a few gentle flicks. “Can you feel this?”

“Feel what?” you asked between sips and looked his way from James’ supportive grin that came into focus in his step back. “My, um, my hand is tingling.”

Elliot said, “Ooh, that is enough then,” careflly claiming your cup to not let you drop it on yourself and Eddie eased you back to lay down so Herc could feel around your belly.

Herc said in his catch of your eye, “Just a few moments now Jaqi and your girls will be here,” he said in a muffled voice tearing you from focus of the still slowing heartbeats in your belly. Into his hand a scalpel was produced after he had added his gloves. Firm and easy a single cut was made underneath your belly that was followed by another.

Just pressure alone in place of pain came in the feel of blood pooling to Eddie’s hands folding around yours tucked up near your shoulders in his hold in his slump beside your side. All of the bleeding was fully under the control of Herc. Who kept a stop on the incision that he kept open mentally to scoop out the first girl in a section of the conjoined sack that separated and over a towel on his lap he split open causing her umbilical chord to snap free from the other two parts of the joint sack holding her sisters. In the aftermath of that splash she was laid in the towel in James’ arms with a sharp cry that split his smile out widely as tears filled his eyes. Another splash followed in her sister being eased out with chord snapped off on its own as well for teary Victor to have hold of the wriggling girl who let out a shrill cry of her own then went quieter in his step back.

“One more,” Eddie murmured beside your ear after another kiss on your temple and a third cry had the final girl nestled in her grandfather’s arms while Herc finished the steps of the procedure and let the wound meet up again to instantly seal in a spreading silver ripple of skin. Venom meanwhile in his rest above your head through your mental link caught the same static feeling for when you had neared the end of your tether.

“Um,” you managed to murmur to a ring in your ears to the shallow shift of your breath signaled the reaction you had hoped to not face. Just as when you had lost your finger the very first time and again when you had seen the new hand to replace the one you had fed Venom to see three babies being pulled out of your belly sent a wave of panic through the others when your eyes rolled back and your head slumped to the side. Above your head Venom pressed his cheek to your scalp having felt the hazy blip that was your birth. And without the wound having healed yet still he was unable to ease into your body and help you through this to be conscious for your girls and family.

“Jaqi!” James said and Herc raised a hand to sense for any internal wound he’d have missed after tearing his glove off to sense what was wrong.

Eddie couldn’t help but chuckle and said, “I think she fainted,” relaxing the others who came to sit around you at Herc’s reminder.

“Don��t go too far, have to keep the girls close,” they nodded and with his glove free hands he felt around your now fully silver belly that under your mother’s watch he folded down your waistband halfway to see the silver had spread lower. And in a shift back he eased up one of your pant legs he watched the silver spread down to a ring beneath your knees.

The line made her ask, “Is this normal?”

Herc replied, “For long labors, yes,” his hands shifted to the silver soles of your feet showing just where more of the stress of the past couple days had put on your body. “Ample meals, rest and massages should help her to recover. And we have the breast pump ready for if she is tired to nurse all three in a row after her first lessons on that.”

She nodded and asked, “How long would she be unconscious?”

Eddie, “Ten, twenty minutes. Jaqi hoped she’d not have passed out with the surgery if she had it when Herc first mentioned it.” He chuckled again seeing Norma and Dawn come over to see the girls the guys one at a time eased into the bathing bowl that was changed after each girl was clean and fixed into a diaper and a clean blanket from the pile Edie brought over. All in differing colors they were draped lovingly and as he sat down by your shoulder Erik drew attention to your belly that as the third girl was wrapped in her blanket began to shrink.

Inch by inch from your large belly as if pushed back in time from 48 weeks to your former figure now with a more toned layer of muscle visible in place of the dissolved fat and water weight absorbed back into your system. Careful presses of fingers showed proof that the muscle was healthy and had been built up to carry the weight of the three babies.

The Twins after having taken respectful pictures and filmed the baths used the body scanner to confirm the healing process when completed had you back to your original 89 pound self from after the war that had the baggy sleeping clothes and underwear you had on lay loosely over your slumbering body. To the clear need to change again Norma and Dawn went to your closet to bring out an old set of underwear and a nice set of your favorite two piece pajamas with a sleeveless buttoned silk top that would aid in nursing and being checked for progress on your healing. Your face and hands were the last to seemingly deflate and had Erik happily bring over the open jewelry box that held your original wedding ring and band laid in it to be swapped for the now oversized pair slumped sideways on your ring finger.

Twenty minutes later to the hushed question of if they could go ahead and assign the three names between the girls a deep breath from you had everyone ease in again with James, Victor and your father come to sit down at your side. From a view of the wall of shuttered windows your eyes turned to the top of Eddie’s head that had you tilt yours back to groggily grin up at him. “Hey Sis.”

Venom’s head from his neck smiled and said, “Hello, Sister.”

From them your head turned and the grin on your face fell taking notice of the lack of the giant belly that had your pulse kick up. “Darling,” James’ voice split through your moment of panic in his lean into your view with the girl he brought closer to you. “Our girls are right here.” On his knees he came closer and he moved over your legs to settle at Eddie’s bent legs and into reach of your chest over your folded arms she was eased luring focus of your loose rings on your raised hand.

“Hey, little one,” you said and turned your head in the ease of the other two closer as her curled fingers came out of the blanket to slide around your finger. All three girls cooed and shifted into your touch and gentle pecks on the tops of their heads.

Herc out of your sight said, “Just be careful on sitting up.”

Edie asked, “Are you hungry? It has been hours since you have eaten.”

“I could eat,” you said and smiles spread to that tired statement she hurried off to answer to that problem and grab the serving of stew and rolls from the kitchen in your wing. Erik at the nightstand over the girls’ heads reached for your loose rings and smiled in a shared lock of eyes and handed James your original rings he eased back onto your ring finger and sweetly kissed your lips.

“Have you settled the names yet?”

James shook his head and said, “Waiting for you. This angel was first.”

You nodded and said with a smile, “Aurora Nyx,” she answered with a coo followed by her sister to, “Belinda Rhea,” and lastly joined by, “Nova Carina.” All of the names that Herc had printed on their birth records with Pear Howlett and their title of The Honorable to the birth records and in the presentation of food Eddie helped to guide you up a bit to sit up against pillows while the girls were measured and had their hands and foot prints taken. Along that were given anklets that would grow with them that bore their initials to help differentiate between the three of them that they would be unable to be harmed by or remove.

To the other end of the room the group moved when your dirty dishes were taken so Sarah and James could help change you into your older layers which gave you a tear stirring view of the widespread bruises all over from the lower ribs to just below the knee. And when you were settled back she asked, “Did you want to try a breastfeeding lesson before you sleep? They shouldn’t be hungry but we can let you get some practice?”

You nodded and Aurora was brought over as your shirt was opened and nursing bra undone to have her guide you on your first nursing lesson, “Just ease her head, just like that,” she smiled in a nestle closer to your side as James stroked the top of your daughter’s head in the groggy droop of her silvery lilac eyes. The same shade all three had with the same white hair in tiny tufts of curls across the tops of their heads with a matching seven and a half pound weight to boast on.

When her few suckles had the infant drift off to sleep the two other girls were brought over for their own brief snacks that drifted them off to a deep sleep that by the droop of your eyes was welcome to give you a chance to be helped off the comforter they eased over you when you were redressed again. Soft and sweet she urged James to remain with you and the family would watch the babies while he nestled up with you and proudly he eased you on your side against is chest with gentle kisses given until he drifted off. Every second of his consciousness through this excruciatingly drawn out labor his only thoughts through his pain being how impossibly beautiful his wife was to have suffered so long to bring three girls into this world. Every second more beautiful than the last.

Exhausted from the process Victor took Norma to their bed to curl up around her as Eddie did the same with Dawn after Venom had seen the babies one more time and nestled his head into their foreheads wishing them a good night and promised to see them in the morning. Edie and Erik were last to head off to rest in the decided early breakfast they hoped you would rest until it was made. Just leaving the Beserker group awake to comment on the unbelievable birth process their dearest of friend had faced so adamantly to see it through no matter how long it took.

Silent relief and chimes of midnight echoed through the house to the roll of more protective thunder inside the cone of the storm channeled around your property that waned to softer drizzle over the distant town. Loud and boldly bells in the abandoned Beserker lands in Asgard woke every single creature there who knew as those within earshot of other Beserker outposts on other planets in other universes heard the message of Mother’s successful birth. Three little girls yet unknown across this planet were named throughout several Universes and Dimensions to swell pride in the chests of those who knew just how long the return and expansion of the ruling clan had been awaited.

Pt 72

All –

@sherala007, @mariannetora, @jesgisborne, @knitastically, @catthefearless, @theincaprincess, ggbbhehe4455, @lilith15000, @alishlieb,

Not nsfw(smut) - @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore

X Marvel-Cast - @himoverflowers, @theincaprincess, @changlingkhat

Brother Dearest - @thorinanddwalinsdwarrowdam, @swoopswishsward

#Storm is coming #Labor #Phone Calls from and to the Palace #Two Days #James Howlett x OC #Victor Creed x Norma Jeane #Eddie Brock x OC #Venom #Erik and Edie Lehnsherr

9 notes · View notes

tams-writeblr · 3 years

Text

Once I’m gone

Rating: M(ature)

Warnings: major character death

Category: F/M (main couple), Multi (side characters)

Fandom: Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin

Relationship: Mikasa Ackermann / Eren Jaeger | various side couples

Characters: Eren Jaeger, Mikasa Ackermann, Armin Arlelt, Zeke Jaeger, Hange Zoe, Floch Forster, Ymir, Reiner Braun, Pieck Finger, Historia Reiss, several others will make a cameo

Additional Tags: Modern AU | established relationship | toxic behaviour | Eren suffers from Huntington’s disease and tries to settle his matters before he dies | suicial blockhead Eren | aged up characters (by ten years) | suicide tw | depression tw | mental diseases tw | deathly diseases tw | this is clearly not write what you know, but I’m giving my very best to representate the topics as good as I can | this all basically came to me as a fever dream | you remember Thirteen from House, M.D.? I still have a huge crush on her so this version of Eren is greatly inspired by her <3

Language: English (not native, I’m trying my best you guys)

Stats: ongoing - Chapter 1/15 - Part 2/4 - 1507 of 3652 words

Summary: Eren Jaeger knew for years that he inherited Huntington’s disease from his late mother. When he first notices symptoms on him, his long protected plan, to end his life before reaching the critical state of his illness, awakes. But there is still Mikasa, his girlfriend and the only person in the world he cares about more than about himself, and he can’t leave her alone and grieving. It’s time to find a substitute for when Eren is gone. With the help of a new friend Eren tries to scare away Mikasa while driving her into the arms of someone new.

__________________________________________________

Charlatans and Pills - Part 2/4

<<previous

“Hey Mama”, the small, dark haired boy said and pulled his hand towards the woman that sat sunk down on an uncomfortable looking chair.

She didn’t directly look at him, only giving his pulled out hand a small, arbitrary glance and looked up towards the man, standing behind Eren.

“But Carla, Dear”, Eren's father said with a cheerful tone. “Shake at least our Eren’s hand. Aren’t you happy that we are visiting you?”

A thin lipped smile crawled over Carla’s face and her light brown eyes finally found Eren’s glance. “Eren”, she sighed recognizing and rather than just taking his hand, she slipped down her chair and tightly hugged him.

Tighter than Eren would have liked it. He looked up to his father, seeking help, insecure how to behave. She still was his mother, the one that always loved him and guessed every wish from his eyes.

Eren had found out that she was sick, three years ago. Back then they also told him, he eventually would get the same sickness. She often dropped things and so she did on his eleventh birthday with a knife to cut his cake. It fell right on her foot and she had to go to the hospital. After this incident, she never returned to her old self. She behaved strangely ever so often, screaming at his dad for obviously no reason.

But the strangest was when Eren came home from school one day. His father was still at work, he had a small practice in the middle of town, and usually a delicious lunch was waiting for him when he returned home from school. But on this day nothing smelled nice through the house, on the contrary it stank horribly of burned food and everything was full with smoke. Eren found his mother in the upstairs bathroom, her hands were dripping with blood, he had found shards in the kitchen.

“What do you want?”, his mother screamed and held her blood stained hands in front of her face. “Get out! I have to hide from the smoke!”

Puzzled Eren neared his mother. “But Mama, you have to turn off the oven or else whatever's on there will burn even more. Did you cut yourself? Do you need a bandaid?”

“Get our!”, Carla yelled again. “Who the hell are you, how did you get into my house?”

Helpless tears wobbled out of big, green child’s eyes. “Mama”, he whined and ducked away under a roll of toilet paper his mother threw at him. Desperately the boy backed out of the bathroom and ran back to the kitchen where he pulled all knobs of the oven until the red control light went off, then he remembered what his father always had hammered inside his little head: to call him at work, when something was wrong with Mum.

“The number is pinned on the fridge”, he had told him again and again. “I’ll be with you within 15 minutes.” If not at this moment, when should he bother his father at work? Quickly the boy looked for the phone around the smoke filled house, luckily he found it in the living room and not like so often in his parents bedroom. He wouldn’t have dared to walk past the upper bathroom in which he still suspected his mother.

His father indeed arrived within minutes. He found Carla beneath the toilet, sunk down and asleep and immediately called an ambulance. “I’m so sorry”, he murmured again and again while pressing the sobbing and crying Eren against him. “You’ll never have to be alone with her again. Everything will be alright.”

His mother didn’t return home after this incident. His father explained to him that she would now live somewhere, where people could look after her more appropriately. There no knife would fall on her food ever again and she wouldn’t burn any more pans.

But Eren found the place where they brought her simply terrifying. There were only old people. Not old people like his father but really old, probably older than his grandparents. It always smelled strangely and scary sounds came from some chambers.

Eren curled out of his mother’s embrace and his father came to help him.

“There, there Carla, not so fiercely”, he laughed and directed her gently back towards her chair. Then he took place across from her and placed a hand on her knee. “Well my Dear, how are you feeling today?”

Carla looked at him for a long time with a stoic face. At that her left arm twitched permanently. It hit against her thigh and the seating of the chair.

Eren watched the movement hypnotized and flinched when his mother took a deep, loud breath.

“Grisha”, she said with unmistakable joy in her voice. her twitching arm raised and her hand landed accurately on her husband’s. A smile crept towards her lips. “My Dear…” Suddenly she was once again his mother, the pretty woman with light brown eyes and dark hair, sun kissed skin and the most beautiful smile in the world.

Eren felt lighter than before and placed his small child’s hand above his mother’s. She only looked at him briefly, out of the corner of her eyes, before taxing Grisha again. The three of them stayed like this for a while in total silence. Only a far away, old and male voice asked when it was finally time for dinner.

The clearing of a throat crushed the family idly and Eren and his mother heavily flinched.

Carla’s head shot high to look at the creator of the noice’s face. Her own one suddenly started to twitch wildly.

“Mr. Jäger, can I please talk to you for a moment?”, a man in a white coat said. From his father Eren knew that doctors dressed like that.

Grisha got up and agreed with a dark look on his face. “Eren, sit down for so long. I’ll be right back.”

“You are a doctor?”, Eren heard the other man ask when he walked away with his father. The latter didn’t answer, maybe he had only nodded. “Then you must know about the condition your wife is in.”

Eren couldn’t hear more from the conversation. But from the look on his mother’s face, he could tell that her glance followed them.

He didn’t want to turn out like her. What was that for a life? Eren still couldn’t quite understand what was wrong with his mother, but he knew she always forgot things, sometimes even him or his father and that she always flapped around her arms. He didn’t want that, especially not the thing with forgetting. Carefully he took her hand between both of his. “I’m not gonna forget you, Mama”, he said tenderly and patted her hand that was gaunt and wiry. “I promise.”

Carla looked at her boy dumbfounded before pulling her eyebrows into a painful grimace. “Oh Eren, my little baby,” she cried and thick tears wobbled out of her eyes. Fragile and smaller as he remembered her she sat on that horribly uncomfortable chair, her hand between the small palms of her son.

Scared by her sudden burst of emotion Eren pulled his hands away. Two faces, so similar to each other that everyone would see their connection, looked at each other with a mixture of horror and hurt.

When his father returned, Eren asked him to leave.

“Come back soon!”, he heard his mother say softly when Grisha leaned down to her and kissed her.

He promised they would, of course he did. And of course they kept their promise. Eren couldn’t say how many hours of his youth he had spent in that foster home that cared for his mother. The doctors and nurses there did a wonderful job, they deeply cared for his mother, who visibly crumpled infront of her small family’s eyes. She got thinner and thinner and ever more erratic. Until she neither recognized Grisha nor Eren. Sometimes she remembered to have a son called Eren but in her memory he was still a ten-years-old that had broken his arm while wrestling with his friends. That the handsome young man infront of her was her small Eren, she wouldn’t get the idea despite their striking resemblance.

Finally her spasticies became so bad that it became too dangerous to let her eat solid food and she got a feeding tube. From this moment on, things went continuously down hill for Carla Jäger, whose husband was a doctor himself who slowly broke down by looking at her.

Almost exactly ten years after moving to the foster home and a little over 13 years after her diagnosis Carla died on a stormy fall evening. She hadn’t seen her son in four month, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

But losing his mother had broken something deep inside of Eren. Now a full grown man, he knew which fate his mother had handed down to him. But he also knew back than, how he would be reacting towards it, when his time came.

>>next

__________________________________________________

Author’s Note: Hey, thank you for coming back to me! I hope you don’t mind when long flashbacks like this are all in Italics, I know they can be hard to read. Just for Context: Carla was 30 when she had Eren in this story and she dies at 51. Can’t have a main character without a tragic family backstory, can we? See you for the next part!

#attack on titan fanfiction #aot ff #eremika #eren jaeger #carla jaeger #grisha jaeger #once i'm gone #once i'm gone chap 1 #once i'm gone chap 1 part 2 #eren jaeger x mikasa ackerman #grisha jaeger x carla jaeger #writers on tumblr #fanfiction on tumblr #fanfiction #fanfic #writing

15 notes · View notes

petersasteria · 4 years

Text

Oof - Harry Holland (2)

Pairing: Harry Holland x Model!Reader

Based on my Harry Holland one shot of the same title.

Harry Holland Masterlist || Ultimate Masterlist || Oof Materlist

DISCLAIMER: *This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.*

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: He liked her for a long time, but she didn’t know he existed.

Year 7

“It’s kind of weird without Katie here.” Lawrence sighs as he, Harry and Sam walk alongside each other at school’s hallway. Katie moved to a different city during summer and it made the boys sad. However, Katie promised that she’d visit and call so that made it all somehow better.

“I agree.” Harry nods. Sam adds, “She’s like a sister I never had.”

“We’ll see her soon, won’t we?” Lawrence asks. The twins reassures him that Katie will come back and see them, even though they, themselves, aren’t sure.

Just then, Y/N walks by. She’s on her own. Everything suddenly went in slow motion.

She glances at them and gives them and gives them a tight-lipped smile. Sam smiles back, Lawrence gives a little wave, and Harry... Harry thought he could’ve died. Harry smiles back too. Or at least tried to. He looked constipated.

In a span of a few seconds, Y/N unknowingly made Harry tongue-tied. She looks away and walks ahead. She didn’t know them, after all. It’d be weird.

Sam and Lawrence continue the conversation, making them walk a few steps ahead of Harry. Harry snaps out of it and accidentally steps on his shoelaces and trips on the floor. Luckily, no one saw.

“Whoa, are you okay?!” Lawrence asks as he and Sam help him stand. Harry just nods. The fall made him get out of cloud nine. While Lawrence is helping and brushing off the dirt on Harry’s clothes, Sam just looks at his twin with a sudden realization.

‘He likes Y/N.’ Sam thinks to himself. ‘Maybe.’ Sam shakes off the thought and focuses on his twin. He’ll keep it to himself first and just wait until Harry says something.

‘Yeah, that’s good.’ Sam mutters to himself.

“Did you say anything, Sam?” Harry asks.

“I’m hungry. Let’s go to the cafeteria!” Sam exclaims as he walks to the cafeteria with Harry and Lawrence trailing behind.

Year 8

Harry walks by Y/N’s table at the cafeteria and he quickly walks to go to his table with Lawrence and Sam. Their table is near Y/N’s table so, he can kind of hear what Y/N and her friends are talking about. Harry sits down and asks, “What’s up?”

“James is having a birthday party this weekend.” Sam says, eating a healthy sandwich Nikki packed for them this morning. “We’re invited.”

“That’s cool!” Harry grins. “How old is he anyway?”

“He’s turning 13 this Saturday.” Lawrence says with his mouth full. Something he’s never done before, but he thought nothing of it. After all, he’s a growing boy and he’s not at home. “That makes him older than us.”

“That’s cool. He’s like an older brother.” Sam chuckles. “Like Tom.”

“I wish I have an older brother. I’m the eldest.” Lawrence rolls his eyes.

“Yikes.” Harry shakes his head. “We have a younger brother named Paddy. He’s fun to be with.”

“My little sister is spoiled rotten!” Lawrence cries out. “She’s annoying!”

Lawrence starts his rant and Sam pipes in some comments here and there. Harry wishes he could pay attention to his friend, but he hears Y/N’s voice from a table away.

“My family and I went to Maldives during summer break. It was fun! Your sister will enjoy it, Hanna.” Y/N says softly.

‘Maldives?? Where is that??’ Harry thinks. ‘Never heard of that before.’

“You have to show me pictures tomorrow!” Hanna exclaims.

“Sure!” Y/N shrugs. “I enjoyed Maldives, but I really loved our vacation at Los Angeles.”

“What? She’s been there? How lucky.” Harry says softly. Unfortunately, Lawrence and Sam hears him.

“Who’s lucky?” Sam asks.

“Yeah, and where’s she been?” Lawrence questions.

“Y/N is lucky, because she’s been to Los Angeles.” Harry says.

“Oh, well yeah.” Lawrence shrugs. “She’s really rich.”

“I heard from Elouise that her parents come from rich families. So, she was literally born into a rich family.” Sam shrugs. “Elouise and I share a lot of classes and she likes to gossip. It’s quite interesting, if I’m being honest.”

Year 9

“My mum owns a clothing shop in town. You can drop by sometimes. I’m always there during the weekends after polo practice. I don’t go there after school, because I have private ballet lessons at home.” Harry hears from Y/N as he listens to her conversation with her friends. He knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but it was really interesting.

It’s their last class of the day and they’re all just waiting for the teacher to come in. Thankfully, they didn’t have to wait long, because the teacher quickly comes in and apologizes for being a few minutes late.

After school, Sam and Harry decided to walk home, because it was still early and they have to do their projects. It was a quiet walk and it wasn’t awkward at all. It was peaceful.

“I have something to tell you.” Harry opens up and clears his throat. Sam looks at him and nods, “What is it? Did you flunk in-”

“I have a crush on Y/N.” Harry quickly blurts out. The twins stop walking and they look at each other.

“I freaking knew it! I was right all along.” Sam chuckles as he walks again. Not wanting to be left behind, Harry catches up, “What? You knew I liked her?!”

“Yeah since year 7.” Sam shrugs. “Ask her out or something.”

“Nah.” Harry shakes his head. “I’m not sure if I want to.”

“Well, you should at least let her know you exist.” Sam chuckles.

Year 10

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Sam asks as he and Harry arrive at school. There were cameras and a lot of people. It’s like the whole school decided to go out and stay out. The twins couldn’t find Lawrence and they couldn’t find any familiar face. They look at each other and nod. They push through the crowd together until they reach the front.

Harry looks around and sees Y/N sitting down on the bench while getting her make up done. He smiles at the sight. ‘She doesn’t even need the make up.’ he thinks.

“Isn’t she pretty?” a voice asks next to him on his right. Harry snaps out of his trance and looks at the person next to him.

“Hey Angelica!” he greets. “Yeah, she’s really pretty.”

Angelica chuckles, “You didn’t have any idea what’s going on, do you?”

Harry shakes his head, “Nope.” Angelica playfully rolls her eyes and says, “Y/N was asked to model for the school’s website and stuff. They’ll do a photo shoot and film a video for the whole day.”

“What about her classes?” Harry asks. Angelica shrugs, “She’s excused for the whole day. The only same schedule she has with all of us is lunch.”

Harry just nods and thanks her. He turns to Sam and fills him in on the information he found out. Sam’s eyes widen, “I didn’t know our school had a website.”

“I mean... same here, but that’s not the point. Y/N will be the face of the school.” Harry grins. “I think I might visit the school’s website often.”

“Well, that sounds gross and creepy.” Sam says, trying not to laugh. “It’s also pretty sad.”

Later that day when the twins came home, Harry told Tom about Y/N, his big crush on her, and her modeling thing that morning... and visiting the school’s website often.

“That’s gross, creepy, and sad.” Tom says with his arms crossed as he looks at Harry from the couch. “Not to mention, weird. It’s fucking weird, mate.”

“Sam said the same thing.” Harry groans. “Except the weird part.”

“Well, Sam and I are right.” Tom laughs. Sam joins them in the living room, “What’s funny?”

Tom smirks and looks at Sam, “Lover boy over here is being weird, sad, creepy, and gross at the same time. I’m laughing, because we’re right and he doesn’t like it one bit.”

“That is pretty funny.” Sam laughs. Harry frowns and rolls his eyes, “I hate you all.”

Year 11

“My mum is finally allowing me to model her clothes!” Y/N squeals as she tells her friends the big news. Her friends squeal with her and is excited for her. “The shoot is tomorrow which means I won’t be going to school.”

“That’s okay!” Sophie beams. “You’ve always wanted to become a model and now’s your chance!”

“I still don’t get why you won’t ask your dad for help. He’s a big shot, isn’t he?” Phia wonders. Y/N chuvkles, “Yeah, he’s a big shot in the medical field. He’s an anesthesiologist and his parents are also big shots.”

“I really want to be like my mum. She was a model and she was a contestant for Miss Universe back in the day.” Y/N smiles proudly. She’s really close with her mum.

Harry looks at her, clearly giving all of his attention to Y/N and not the people on his table. Sam sees this and sighs, “He’s being creepy again.”

“Relax, he’s just having a big crush on her. It’s a phase and it’ll pass.” Lawrence shrugs.

“What will pass?”

Harry snaps out of his trance and looks up to see the owner of the voice. Lawrence and Sam do the same thing and as if on cue, they exclaim, “Katie!!!”

Katie smiles and sits down with them, “I moved back here and I live with my grandparents. I really missed you all! What’s new?”

They tell her what happened throughout the years and they told her about Harry’s crush on Y/N. Katie smirks, “We once went to summer camp together and it was great. She was really nice and surprisingly smart!”

“Harry ‘whipped for Y/N’ Holland over here thinks she could do no wrong.” Lawrence laughs.

“A lot of guys here seem to be lining up to date her.” Katie mentions. Harry groans, “Ew, don’t mention it here.”

“You’re just jealous, because they’re brave enough to do something you couldn’t.” Sam wisely says. Lawrence and Katie just nod in agreement. Harry frowns, “Yeah, you’re right.”

Sam sighs, “Hey, if it makes you feel better, she’s rejecting them.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“Do you think I have a chance?” Harry quietly asks.

“You need to find out for yourself, mate.” Sam chuckles. “You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

Harry just nods. Maybe he’ll try it. Maybe he won’t.

“Don’t worry.” Katie comforts. “Everything will work out in the end.”

Katie isn’t a fortune teller, but she’s right. Harry and the rest just didn’t know it yet.

* * * *

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell

𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟

#harry holland #harry holland imagines #harry holland one shots #harry holland fanfiction #harry holland blurbs #harry holland x reader #harry holland x y/n #in-a-lot-of-fanfoms-tbh

27 notes · View notes

wolfpawn · 4 years

Text

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 152

Chapter Summary - Danielle says goodbye to her grandmother and Tom learns more about her from the experience

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

A concertina is like a small accordion.

The Willie Clancy is a huge deal in Irish traditional music and takes place every year in Miltown Malbay, Co Clare.

Bangor is in County Down and contrary to the belief that the Troubles are based solely on religion, they are far more complex than that and are more predominantly based on political beliefs, those who see themselves as part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland (Unionists) and those who see themselves as Irish (Nationalists). Bangor is 72%, Unionist.

The Falls (in Belfast) and the Bogside (Armagh) are staunchly Nationalist, and I mean 100% nationalist. You would not be harmed these days going to them if you are British or Unionist, you would just not feel in any way welcome.

The Parting Glass, as explained, is a traditional song recently covered by Ed Sheeran.

As an Irish person in Britain, I have to say I have experienced some acts of racism, but I live in a depressed town with high unemployment and little understanding, so it is par for the course.

As D-day for Brexit approaches, a "no deal" scenario keeps cropping up and with no idea what that means for non-national people in Britain, fears like those Danielle references are becoming more worrisome.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1 @black-ninja-blade

Tom sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. He inhaled deeply and looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He was tired but he knew he had to be there for Danielle who was far more tired than he was.

Danielle had flown back from the US from an important meeting with the rest of the Safeguard group and had gone for a shower when her phone rang. Seeing it was an Irish number, Tom answered in case it was important. He took in everything the woman on the phone said on him revealing after that Danielle was in the shower. When she came back downstairs, slightly tired but in good humour, she noted Tom's face immediately and waited worriedly for him to tell her what was to be worried about.

“Tom?”

“When you were in the shower, a hospital called. It's your grandmother.”

That led to them being in the city of Cork where Danielle and a few of her family were waiting for the inevitable. There was little hope for Sheila, she was very much deteriorating in health.

Danielle was exhausted but she continued to be there for whatever member of her mother's family needed her. Tom tried to help but to be honest, there was little he understood of what her aunts said with their strong accents and their tendency to use Irish thrown in a lot of the time.

“Elle, love, you need to get some sleep.” Tom urged, seeing Danielle lean back against the wall, clearly exhausted.

“I will, in a bit.” She sighed.

“Elle, you have not even eaten today.”

“I am fine.”

“You need to eat. I am going to be the stubborn partner and insist you get something to eat.” He smiled.

Danielle huffed a small laugh. “Yes, boss.” She pushed off from the wall to go to the shopping centre across the road to get something to eat when a beeping came from the intensive care unit and a crash team rushed through the halls. Danielle looked at her aunt who walked out of the room looking worried. “She…Danielle, what's this?”

Danielle looked at the paper in her hand. “It's a DNR, a 'do not resuscitate' form. it translates as to leave her to pass away rather than prolong the situation really.” She explained. "It means when she goes downhill, just to make sure she is comfortable and allow her to go peacefully."

Her cousin, a nurse at the hospital walked over to her mother. “Mam…it's really for the best.”

Danielle's aunt inhaled deeply before nodding her head. “Okay.” As the eldest, she had the greatest say, so she signed the page.

Danielle gave a slight nod in agreement with the decision before going to her aunt. “We are just going to get something in the shop, do you need anything?” She smiled.

“You're grand, Danielle, Pet. We'll call you if anything changes.” Her aunt gave a tired smile. “Have you even had some time away from here?”

“Plenty of time for that at a later date. If it's alright, I may go back to the hotel for a shower.”

“Alright, we'll see you later so.” Catherine stated before going to find a doctor to give the form to.

Danielle could barely recall the journey back to the hotel and crashed as soon as she hit the bed. Tom ordered some food and urged her to eat after a while. With a shower to attempt to wake her again, Danielle ate and made her way back to the hospital, deciding to walk the short distance in the nice weather, Tom, who felt she needed more rest walking beside her.

“Are you okay?” He asked as they walked.

“Yeah, I mean, I'm not stupid. She's been going downhill for a while, I just... it's sad. I don't really know my Mam's side of the family so with Nan about to leave us, I feel like I have even less of a tie to home now.” She explained. “I suppose in one respect it's okay because I am building my life in England, but…”

“Home is home.” Tom added. “A lot of actors have left Britain and indeed Ireland and other countries to go to the States for work and they say it too. You build a life elsewhere, but you are from where you're from and holding onto home is a big thing. I feel it when I am away but it's the reason I love living in London, I am from England and I am fortunate enough to live there.”

“Do you remember when we met Lucas for lunch and he asked about Brexit?” Tom nodded that yes, he recalled such. “Do you ever think about it? I mean, I get occasional racist comments about being Irish, if they get worse or if the government decide to fuck out all non-nationals, I am not sure where that leaves anything.”

“Is that why you have not been willing to go look at houses recently?” Tom asked, noting of late that Danielle was not the least bit interested in continuing their house hunt.

“Well, it's scary investing in a second home there if all that is going to happen is I will be forced to sell soon.”

“You're in England with nearly a decade, I cannot see this going that badly, but if it does, you're so long in Britain, you could not possibly be forced to leave.”

“It's just worrying. I want us to know that if we do this together, it is not going to be a waste of our time. I want whatever we get to be the house we want, the one we still love in a decade.” She looked at him and smiled.

Tom smiled back at her and took her hand in his before kissing it. When he went to leave go again, she gently tightened her grip, telling him she wanted to keep the contact. Both enjoying the anonymity of the city none would expect to see them in.

It was the next day when the DNR form Catherine signed became relevant. After a goodbye and a kiss on the cheek to her grandmother, Danielle said goodbye to Sheila for the last time. She stood stoically next to Tom as the doctors walked out of the ICU with Catherine and Margaret, another of Danielle's aunts and gave their condolences to the family. Tom stayed beside Danielle, letting her know he was there for her. He had sadly lost his grandparents, so he knew the sensation, but the words she said on the road from the hotel resonated with him, she was losing her ties to Ireland and in many respects, Tom felt saddened for her, for very obvious reasons but part of him also hoped that Brexit would not chase her way as it was doing other Irish people.

The funeral was small, they went to West Cork to the small parish that her grandmother was from for the funeral, which he noticed was all done in Irish, Danielle reading a piece from the altar for part of it, Tom fascinated by the manner in which she spoke, her voice sounding entirely different in Irish. The whole affair was quiet, until after the meal in the hotel close by, after that, he was slightly startled by the show of music that took place. He looked to Danielle for an explanation.

“Nan was mad into music, so naturally, we remember her this way.” She smiled sadly.

“What's that little accordion?” He pointed to the instrument he had seen a few occasions before in lock-ins but did not know the name of.

“A concertina.”

“How old is that girl?” He asked in shock at the young child playing the instrument diligently.

“She is nine, she's been reared with music in the house and been taking lessons since she was four, her father is a huge trad man, goes to the Willie Clancy in Clare every year.” Tom gave her a confused look. “It's a trad festival, a week-long, with trad groups from all over Ireland go and just play together in one town in Clare, it's a big deal.” She smiled. “Mam would make sure we were there every year without fail, it was one way to guarantee she'd see her lot for a few days, Dad would just be happy in a corner with his whiskey and a good song.”

Tom smiled at the fondness Danielle had for her old family occasions. She clearly spent time with her cousins as a child as he had his, but again, the words she had regarding not having much by way of family ties to Ireland came to him.

For the most part of the evening, they sat in a corner, listening to the music and occasionally talking to family or old friends of her grandmother and grandfather that recognised “Bridget's girl”. Many got curious as to the English fellow she had and more than one checked was there Scottish in him, to Tom's surprise, that seemed acceptable to the majority of them and apparently negated a lot of his English-ness.

One man made it very clear he was less than fond of Sheila and Daniel O'Brien's granddaughter being with a British man. But Catherine shooed him off and informed him Sheila had met and adored Tom, talking fondly of the lovely man her Danielle had brought over to meet her from England, informing one and all Sheila's thoughts of him. It was the only time Tom really felt a moment of uncertainty and a tad unwelcome in the whole situation, he wondered if Danielle ever felt similar; the manner in which she rubbed his hand when Catherine defended him made him think it was something she knew something of.

When the evening turned to night and the celebration of the life of Sheila began to come to a close, Tom was startled when the final song was requested of Danielle, who to his utter shock, sung a song he had heard before but listening to the words, he realised were sadly poignant to the saying of goodbyes.

They were staying in the hotel the afters of the funeral were in, so with goodbyes to her family, he and Danielle went upstairs to their room. Inside, Danielle sighed and took off the clothes she had borrowed from a cousin for the funeral. Tom had hired a suit from a tailor not too far away, so he tidied it into the wardrobe for the night for them to return before their flight the next day.

“I am sorry about Sean Daly.”

“Who?”

“The fella that was not quiet of his dislike of Brits.”

“I was in Bangor for a while, I think it is safe to say, I have been in more hostile company.”

Danielle laughed. “Tom, Love, I hate to break it to you, but Bangor is fairly Unionist and Protestant, so you were under little to no threat there. If you said it was the Falls or the Bogside, I'd sympathise, but Bangor is fairly safe. So is Cork, but still. I know it's never pleasant to have people be so averse to you for no reason. I know I joke and comment on the whole Irish and British thing, but still, it's not nice when people say so aggressively.”

“Do you get it often?” Tom asked curiously.

“Not in London, it is more tolerant and multicultural but on some sets in more remote areas, comments occur, yes.”

Tom said nothing for a short time before getting into the bed, Danielle quickly following after and curling up against him. “Elle?”

“Mmhmm?”

“I didn't know you could sing.”

“I'd hardly call it singing.”

“But what was that tonight?”

“Mam and Nan loved me singing that song as a child and there is no way you decline a wish of the deceased. I sang it at Mam and Dad's funerals and she told me to sing it at hers, I couldn't decline.” She explained.

“Well, I have to say, I am somewhat startled, I never knew it. What is that song?”

“The Parting Glass, an old folk song, made more famous by being in an Assassin's Creed game and I am fairly sure Ed Sheeran covered it.”

“You sound different when you speak Irish and sing, your accent is stronger.”

“You're making me self conscious now.” She admonished before toying with some of his chest hair. “Thank you, Tom. For being here for all of this.”

Tom frowned at her. “Elle, I would be nowhere else, you silly woman.” He dismissed. “I am here for you Elle, no matter what.” He kissed her head. “I love you.” She just continued to lean against him and say nothing as she processed the act of burying her grandmother, a woman she always loved dearly and admired.

#i hate you i love you #chapter 152 #wolfpawn #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

13 notes · View notes

australiancarisi · 4 years

Text

Secrets, Sonny Carisi ~ Part 5

You are the newest detective at SVU, things are great until things from your past come back to haunt you. Look at me starting a new story when I have a million stories to be written… oh well. Also, I know my stories are very dialogue-heavy, I’m working on it Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Also posted on ao3 Words: 2032

“Ra-Rafael... what are you doing here?” Liv stuttered. The squad hadn’t seen him since his trial, he looked the same besides the small beard he had grown. Silence fell over the precinct as you stared at him.

“Why... how...” you turned to Nick “you called him too?” You didn’t yell, you didn’t even look mad, you were just over it.

“You weren’t returning my calls, I was afraid you were hurt. I figured he’d know” Nick sighed “y/n-“

“- I can’t do this” you shook your head and quickly walked out of the squad room. You just had to get out of there, you couldn’t deal with them all staring at you.

“I’ll go” Rafael and Nick both said at the same time.

“No, I will. I think the two of you have done enough... whatever you’ve done” Sonny held his hands up stopping anyone from following you before slowly going after you.

“Right now I’m really confused” Fin spoke breaking the silence.

“You think your confused” Kat mumbled

“Can someone please explain?” Amanda asked looking between Nick and Rafael. “How the hell are you involved in all this?

“Y/n is my little sister” Rafael sighed

“Since when? I thought you were an only child?” Fin asked

“Since my mother birthed her” Rafael snapped before taking a breath to calm down. “She moved to LA when she was 19 and joined the academy”

“She’s a Diaz though” Amanda said

“She was born a Barba, she legally changed her name to our abuela’s when she was 15. When she found out the type of man our father was... She wanted me to change mine too but I told her it was stupid, it’s just a name. She didn’t see it that way” Rafael looked at Nick “thank you for calling”

“I don’t care what she says, I will always keep her safe, it’s my job” Nick nodded

“You do it better than me” he mumbled

“Why isn’t she safe?” Kat asked, asking the question that was on Amanda and Fin’s minds as well.

“She didn’t move to New York by choice, I sent her” Declan said making his presence known “needed to get her out of LA, send her home to New York and I saw there was an opening here at SVU, I knew she’d be safe here” Declan said

“You still haven’t answered the question, why isn’t she safe?” Amanda demanded.

“She moved to LA with her boyfriend Tate...” Rafael began

You paced around the crib trying to calm down. You felt your anxiety levels rise more and more as you paced around the beds. You wanted to scream, but screaming in a police station is not the best idea. You scrunched your eyes as you heard the door open.

“Go away Rafael”

“It’s not Rafael” Sonny said quietly coming into the room and shutting the door. You turned to him. “Y/n what is going on? Why haven’t you said any-“ Sonny stopped as you ran to him and wrapped your arms around his chest. You held onto him tight “hey, hey doll it’s okay, don’t cry” you hadn’t even realised you were crying.

“I’m sorry”

“What are you sorry for?” Sonny said Into your hair

“For causing drama, for not telling you about Murphy or Nick... or Rafael” you sighed collecting yourself “for not telling you a lot of things”

“Its fine Doll, you’ll tell me when your ready”

“I don’t deserve you. I know everything about you. I know about your ex-girlfriends and about you jumping around as a detective and going to law school. I’ve met your parents, your sisters, nieces and nephews, your grandparents and your cousins and you haven’t even met my mum or knew that I had a brother let alone him being your old ADA-“

“None of that matters. You know what I know?” Sonny asked

“What?”

“I know that I love you. I know that you can’t sleep with pants on but have to have a blanket. I know that you would eat ice cream and pancakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner if it was socially acceptable. I know that you care so much about our victims and will go above and beyond to give them the justice they deserve. I know that you could sleep for 12 hours and still be tired” Sonny put his fingers under your chin and lifted it to make to look up at him. You looked into his baby blues. You could see in his eyes that he meant everything that he was saying “And most importantly I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up and go to bed with you as long as you’ll have me. I want to be the person you come to when you need someone. I want you on your best days and on your worst, I know enough”

“Even when I’m being annoying?” you whispered

“Especially when your annoying” Sonny smiled before he kissed you. You felt all the tension in your body just melt away. “Better?” You nodded and kissed him again.

“Is he still out there?”

“I don’t think he’s gonna leave without seeing you... any of them” Sonny said “Doll... I know I said you’d tell me when your ready but... is something wrong? You’ve been acting strange for a while”

“I’m always strange”

“Stranger then usual then” Sonny smiled “I just wanna make sure you're safe”

“Come sit” you took his hand and sat down on one of the beds. It was time, it was finally time to come clean. You couldn’t handle this on your own anymore “So you know I moved from New York to LA when I was 19 and I joined the academy but what you don’t know is I moved with my boyfriend Tate... we met in school started dating when we were 16. Mami and Rafael hated him... I left them... I left my Abuelita to follow him. He was the one that wanted to move. He didn’t want me to become a cop but I knew I had to. I don’t know what Rafael told you about our dad... if he told you anything...”

“Not a lot just that he wasn’t a great guy” Sonny softly spoke. Your dad was a sore spot for you and Rafael so I didn’t surprise you that Rafael didn’t speak about him.

“Not a great guy is putting it lightly” you chuckled bitterly “I idolised Rafi growing up, the age gap is bigger than most but it didn’t matter, Rafi never made me feel like the stupid little sister. I wanted to be just like him when I was little but I quickly realised I wasn’t smart enough to be a lawyer so here I am a cop instead”

“So it was your dad and Rafael that made you want to be a cop?”

“Yep” you nodded “Tate was so against it. Said that girls shouldn’t be cops, that I wouldn’t be strong enough to do it”

“Clearly he didn’t know you” you smiled sadly at him

“He didn’t come to my academy graduation. He was too busy... apparently sitting on the couch at home is really time-consuming”

“I’m not going to like where this is going am I?”

“Probably not... I got partnered with Nick straight out of the academy. He told about his time here and we bonded over how annoying Rafi can be” you giggled “he was unofficial big brother, taught me everything about being a good cop. Tate didn’t like that I was partnered with a man... I don’t know what he thought because he didn’t like women police officers. Tate couldn’t have cared when I made detective, he didn’t care about anything I did. Nick knew... Nick knew early on that the relationship was bad, he tried to tell me and I didn’t listen”

“Y/n-“

“Nick noticed the bruises, he tried to get me out... he tried to scare Tate but it didn’t work. And he was my emergency contact so every time I wound up at the hospital he’d get called”

“How often did you go to hospital?” Sonny asked, his hands played with yours in your lap.

“I lost count... the worst he did was dislocating my shoulder before Murphy got a restraining order put out for me. It took him 2 weeks to violate it... he found me at the grocery store, threw me around... he broke 3 ribs, dislocated my shoulder again, black eye, a bunch of bruises... you know” you shrugged. “I’d convinced Nick and Murphy not to arrest him but they weren’t going to let him get away this time”

“Good. They should have arrested him the moment he laid a hand on you. He doesn’t get to do that” Sonny was getting mad, you could see him trying to stay calm but it was hard.

“I begged them not to, he was my boyfriend. It didn’t matter that my mum, my brother, my abuela didn’t like him. I didn’t care about that because he was my first ever boyfriend my first love... my first everything”

“He didn’t... please tell me he didn’t-“

“No, no he never did anything sexually, it was just physical” Sonny breathed a sigh of relief “he got 2 years with parole in a year with good behaviour, which then got lowered to 10 months”

“2 years? Are you kidding me?”

“You know as well as I do that the justice system is not always fair... when I was healed Murphy told me he got me a transfer here. Nick had always told me how much he loved SVU so I was excited to come home. Murphy promised me that he didn’t tell anyone that he was getting me the job and that no one knew anything about what happened with Tate”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of Doll”

“I know... and I came here and everything was great, everything is great, amazing even until about a month... maybe a month and a half ago”

“What happened a month ago?”

“Tate made parole. I was notified, Nick and Murphy would have been too. I was asked to speak but I declined. They granted him parole and a week later he was gone... I was notified again and then the next thing I know I got it...”

“Got what?” Sonny frowned

“The first note... it was sent to the precinct. I knew straight away it was from Tate but I couldn’t prove it. There was no fingerprints, no DNA, no stamp not even any footage of anyone dropping it off”

“You said first... how many have you gotten?”

“I don’t know a dozen?”

“And they’ve all come to the station? Just notes?”

“Well... actually I’ve gotten some at home and some photos...”

“Y/n! Are you kidding me?! He knows where you live?! And you didn’t tell anyone?! He could have seriously hurt you! What were you thinking?!” Sonny’s outburst made you jump slightly. He stood up from the bed and started pacing.

“I didn’t want to believe it! I thought I could handle by myself its not like he’s a criminal mastermind, everyone is so busy... I didn’t want everyone fussing!”

“Clearly you can’t handle this” Sonny fired at you. You stared at the floor, not knowing what to say. You knew deep down he was right, you just didn’t want to believe it “You should have come to me” his voice was softer, quieter.

“I know and I’m sorry. This effects you too” Sonny took your hands and made you stand up. He wrapped his arms around you again.

“Did you at least keep everything?”

“Of course, it’s in the bottom drawer of my desk”

“You know you have to tell them right?” Sonny sighed

“They are gonna be mad”

“I’ll be there to protect you”

“Promise?”

“Promise” he nodded, you held up your pinky

“Pinky swear?” Sonny chuckled and linked his finger around yours

“Pinky swear” he kissed your hand “Come on Doll, let's go talk to everyone, let's find this son of a bitch”

#law and order svu #law and order svu fanfic #law and order svu imagines #sonny carisi #sonny carisi fanfic #sonny carisi imagines #sonny carisi x reader

63 notes · View notes

abundanceofsoph · 4 years

Text

SkyFire 1: Chapter 2

The Late Show with David Letterman: August 2013

Word count: 2.1k

SkyFire 1 MASTERLIST

Rori walked onto the set, shaking hands with the crew members before approaching the two seats set up in the middle of the room under the spotlights. David Letterman stepped forward once she reached the seats, offering his hand to her and a warm smile.

“Nervous?” he asked as they both sat down facing each other. Aurora gave a quick nod and a small smile in response, tucking a lose strand of hair behind her ear. “Don’t be,” Letterman added, “we’ll only talk about what you’re comfortable with and if you don’t want to answer any of my questions just say so and we’ll skip to the next one. This isn’t live so we can just take our time.”

Aurora took a shaky breath to calm her nerves, smiling more genuinely in response to his assurances. “Thank you,” she replied. “This is all just really strange to me still. Dad’s made a lot of effort to try to keep me out of the spotlight since people found out who I am last summer.”

“And unfortunately, that’s made people even more curious about you,” the older man said sympathetically.

“That’s why I knew I had to do an interview,” she explained. “If I keep hiding, then people will just prod and poke until they find out what they want to know. At least this way I can be in control of how the story gets told.”

“A very cleaver way of looking at it,” Letterman replied. “Thank you for asking me to be the one to help you do that.”

“Of course. Dad’s always said you were his favourite interviewer so when I had to decide, you seemed like the best option.”

“That’s very kind of you, and him. Are you ready to start?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Rori replied. There was a brief pause while the crew finished their final checks on the camera’s and other equipment before signalling for Letterman to begin his introduction.

“Here at the Late Show we are no stranger to billionaire Tony Stark, who has appeared on the show countless times in our 20 years on the air. In recent years we have come to know him as Iron Man and last year, in the wake of the tragic Battle of New York, he shocked fans when the tabloids broke the story that he had a 17 year old daughter. Since then the Stark family have remained tight lipped about the mysterious young woman, but tonight I am joined by Miss Aurora Stark in her first public interview. Aurora thank you for joining me this evening.”

“Thank you for having me, David,” Aurora replied.

“Now Aurora,” David continued, “There’s not much we know about you so why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself? How is that the world was unaware of you for 17 years?”

“I grew up in south London and the reason the world didn’t know about me is because for most of my life I’ve been no one,” Rori began, chuckling nervously before continuing. “I lived with my mum until I was 15 and I didn’t know that Tony Stark was my dad and he didn’t know I existed until I was 16 and I moved to New York.”

“I’m guessing the fame and fortune of being a Stark has taken some adjusting too…?”

“More than you can possibly imagine. I grew up really poor, so this is still very overwhelming. My mum was 19 when she fell pregnant with me and her parents kicked her out of home when she told them. She was living in her car and desperately trying to convince anyone to give her a job and she got really lucky that she met the right people when she needed them most.” She paused in her story, but after a quick nod of assurance from Letterman she continued the tale. “She walked into a bar in Wimbledon called the Golden Stag, explained her situation and asked if they had any waitressing or kitchen jobs going and the owners Helen and Greg pretty much adopted her straight away. Within a couple of days, not only did they give her a job, but they converted the office space above the bar into a tiny little one bedroom apartment and let her live there rent free. I honestly don’t know whether we would have survived without them over the years. They became the only family that we had, and I grew up thinking of them as my grandparents.”

“They sound like wonderful people,” Letterman added.

“They’re the best,” Rori grinned, finally shaking off her nerves as she talked about her family. “They were always spoiling me. When I was 6, they brought me my first art set for Christmas and always proudly hung my paintings and sketches in the bar and then when I was 7, I came home from school raving about how I’d got to play on the piano in music class. My music teacher had been talking about how the school would be running a private lesson program and I begged my mum to let me take lessons. I was pretty obnoxious about it now that I look back on it, but of course my mum said we couldn’t afford it and she apologized to me over and over again, but the next day not only had Helen paid for my lessons but one of the regulars at the bar that had heard my pleading brought in an old second hand piano that he said was taking up space in his house. I was allowed to play for an hour every day after school before the crowds started to roll in for happy hour and I could play for as long as I wanted in the mornings on the weekend before the lunch rush.”

“They were the first to encourage your art?”

“Absolutely. Between them and my mum I was always encouraged to explore art. I became obsessed with the piano. By the time I was 11 I’d gotten good enough that I was allowed to play during happy hour and every Sunday the regular patrons would make their song requests and I would spend all week learning them and then play them on Thursday and Friday evenings. It was around then that I started singing and I guess I never really stopped after that.”

“So, it sounds like you had a quite a happy childhood despite not having much to your name,” Letterman said, steering the conversation slowly around to the topic Rori knew she needed to address.

“I did,” she agreed sadly. “My mum was my best friend and she made sure that I always felt loved and safe. Even though we had very little, she taught me that it was so important to be grateful for what we did have and value the people in our lives more than material possessions.”

“Do you feel comfortable talking about what happened to her?” David asked gently. “How is it that you finally met your father and moved here to New York?”

“It was Christmas Eve 2010,” Aurora explained. “Every year we would go get waffles after her shift. It was one of my favourite things, and we’d walk home, full to bursting, looking at all the Christmas lights and singing carols the whole way back to the pub, but that year when we were almost home…” Her voice faded out, her eyes starting to gloss over with tears as her memories pulled her back to that night. “There was a drunk driver,” she continued, before David could ask if she needed a break. “He drove straight through the red light while we were crossing the street. It happened so fast. One minute we were laughing and then the next thing I knew I was flying up over the hood of the car and there was breaking glass and my mother screamed out my name. By the time I woke up in the hospital the next day she was already gone, and Child Protective Services was there.”

“And you were placed into foster care after you left the hospital?” David asked.

“I was,” Rori answered. “Helen and Greg wanted to take me in, but CPS said they couldn’t because a bar was no place for a teenager. We were all so angry over that. I’d spent my entire life living in that bar and now more than ever I needed to stay with the only people I had left but it wasn’t my decision, so I spent the next few months getting bounced from one foster family to the next. Some were good, some… weren’t so good. They did make sure I stayed in the Wimbledon area, so I got to stay at the same school, which I’m grateful for. I’m not sure I would have made it without my friends. My mum and my best friend Ella’s mum had been good friends, so she stepped in a lot and made sure I was doing ok. Depending on which family I was living with I was sometimes allowed to go to the pub after school to see Helen and Greg and play my piano. I know it could have been so much worse if I didn’t have people looking out for me, but it was still such an awful time of my life. I was grieving my mum and trying to figure out what I was going to do with myself now that I was alone. I turned 16 a little over a week after the accident and within about a month of living in foster care, I filed for emancipation and I had planned on moving back into the apartment above the pub, but the judge denied my application given that my father was listed on my birth certificate but had not officially relinquished his parental rights. So, I decided to find him and make him sign the papers so that I could move back home and get just a little part of my life back.”

“You knew then that Tony Stark was your father?”

“I knew that a man named Anthony Stark was my father,” Aurora corrected, “but I never thought that it was that Anthony Stark. My mother had never liked to talk about him so all I had to go on was that she’d been waitressing at a fancy party in the city and that she’d ended up going back to a hotel with one of the guests. Combining that with the name, I started researching. I eliminated those that would have been too young or too old or couldn’t have been in London in 1994 and then I just started emailing them or calling or visiting them. Eventually I started running out of possible Anthony Starks and I thought I might as well cross the famous one off the list. I emailed his assistant and explained who I was and why I was contacting her. I even attached a copy of the forms for him to relinquish his rights because I didn’t want him to think I was trying to get his money or something. Weeks went by and I never heard anything so I figured I never would and by then it was May and I had exams at school, so I got distracted and I just focused on that. A few weeks into my summer break I got a reply. His assistant, Ms Potts, confirmed that Tony had been in London around that time and had attended multiple parties that could have fit the description and she asked me if I would be willing to take a DNA test to confirm my story.”

“And the test came back confirming you are his daughter,” David concluded after Rori paused in her story.

She nodded in reply, a small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth as she remembered. “He was shocked by the news, as I’m sure anyone would be to learn that they had a 16 year old kid. He got straight on a plane and flew to London to meet me. I think my foster dad nearly had a stroke when he answered the door. We had dinner together and he asked me all about my life and I told him about my mum and living at the pub and the accident. It was awkward at first but within a few hours we’d just hit it off and then when I asked him about signing the forms he refused. He invited me to come live with him in New York instead, at least until I was 18 and then if I didn’t want to stay, he said I could move wherever I wanted. I agreed and we flew out a week later after the courts signed off on it.”

“And this was two years ago?” Letterman questioned.

“Yeah,” Rori confirmed, “in the summer before my Junior year of high school.”

NEXT CHAPTER

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

#skyfire #skyfire fic #aurora stark #dad!tony #iron dad #step dad steve rogers #stony #stony fic #boyfriend harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #superfamily #harry styles #tony stark

6 notes · View notes

dramallamadingdang · 4 years

Text

I was going to do this with "in-line" replies, but it just got unwieldy and doing the mentions in a multi-reply reply is a PITA. So we do it this way. A really long (sorry!) post of replies for @taylors-simblr, @niamh-sims, @hugelunatic, @mustluvcatz-reloaded, @simaddicted-sue, @dunne-ias, @pensblr, @mdpthatsme, and @yuichen about kids and stuff...

taylors-simblr replied to your post “OMG, I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER!”

I am very happy that Christmas is over, we went to my mums. I had decided it would be lovely, and it was to an extent, but we were there for 5 days and there were too many people and kids and by day 3, I was peopled out and just wanted to get home. Daughter had her 3rd birthday on Friday too and was a horrible mess of over excitement ��, but that’s all over and things are getting back to normal. Except for the piles of toys people bought us, that I have no where to put...

I always feel bad for kids with Xmas-time birthdays. Their special day gets lost in the madness. That’s part of the reason why I always made more fuss over birthdays than Xmas, since my son’s birthday is December 17. Mini-Taylor is young enough not to be resentful, but I hope she'll be OK as she gets older. :)

But yeah, for me, the main problem is that everyone was at my house and stayed here because lodging in this area is scarce and the affordable options have to be booked months or sometimes even years in advance. My son is in the Army and he’s only just home after a long deployment, and the timing of his going home was always in question. When they knew (more or less) for sure when they’d be coming, all of the lodging in the area had long been booked. (This is why we have frequent (adult) houseguests, which I'm perfectly fine with.) The original plan was for my son and his family to stay with his wife's family, which is literally next door because my son married the literal girl next door. That would have been better. Theirs is an enormous family -- 14 kids, 3 bio ones and the rest fosters that were taken in and adopted, most of them still teens and younger -- so they have a huge house and they're well used to little-kid chaos and sort of revel in it. But right before people were scheduled to arrive, their house came down with some severe plumbing problems, and stuffing it with 30+ people was just a no-go. So, they ended up here, at more or less the last minute.

The kids are 4, just past 2, and 7 months old, all in the age range that I can't tolerate. I'm OK with tiny, non-mobile babies, but after they're mobile, I do not want until they're about 8-to-10 or so. So, since they were here, if I wanted peace, I was the one who had to leave my own house. Which isn't terrible or anything in the grand scheme of things, but it is annoying. Plus, the 7-month-old had an ear infection, and flying cross-country didn't help it. They almost cancelled coming out because of it, but the 4-year-old had been promised learning how to snowboard and would have been totally crushed. So then daughter-in-law was going to stay back with 7-month-old, but that seemed unfair to DIL to be deprived of her family, and I and the other grandparents hadn't even seen the younger two kids in person. So, they drugged 7-month-old up to his eyeballs, and did the thing. So 7-month-old was just crabby and awful and had trouble nursing the whole time, which only added to the crabby awfulness, which in turn made 2-year-old awful. (Four-year-old was actually pretty OK the whole time, did learn to snowboard, and sort of fell in love with my husband. Which, you know, I understand. *laugh* They both cried when she left. :) ) I understood that the baby didn’t feel well and the 2-year-old was upset by it, of course, but that doesn't make it any less annoying when they're both screaming more or less 24/7. Gave me terrible flashbacks to my daughter's preemie-baby/toddlerhood. *sigh*

But yeah, I survived to rant about it. :)

niamh-sims replied to your post “OMG, I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER!”

I am a woman who doesn't want my own children (much to the chagrin of many people I speak with), and I struggle with other people's kids. In saying that though, I absolutely adore my 5 year old nephew, he is a dude, and my 9 year old step-son is an old soul and extremely mature with a wicked sense of humour. They're all I need!

I hate the presents aspect of it!

See, 9-year-olds I'm (usually) fine with. My window of intolerance is from about 6 months through the little-kid years. It seems like when a kid hits 8 or 10 or so that a switch flips in them and their behavior changes from little-kid to big-kid. Sometimes that happens earlier, often with girls; I've known 5-or-6-year-old girls (and a few boys, too) that I've been just fine with. I’ll probably be fine with my son’s eldest when she’s 5 or 6 because she was pretty OK even at 4 under trying circumstances. But mostly it seems to happen in the 8-to-10 window. It's the start of "tweenhood," I guess. I'm fine with "big kids" even if their chronological age is a little younger than normal to be a "big kid." I'm also perfectly fine with teens, even when they're really surly. I'll take a super-surly 14-year-old over a "cute," bouncy, loud 2-year-old, even if well-behaved, any day. Which is weird, I guess, but there it is. Someone has to deal with the teens. :)

And yeah, the presents thing. In my own, nuclear family, starting when it was just me and my little kids, we don't do presents other than small hand-made gifts if someone feels like making them. We just did stockings on the morning of Xmas Eve. They were filled with little things, small toys and candy and as they got older some more practical things, like makeup/nail polish or small bits of sports equipment and stuff. When they hit tweenhood, we'd each fill each other's stockings, not just me filling theirs. We developed a tradition of exchanging goofy toothbrushes that way, of all things. :) It wasn't that we couldn't afford to do big gifts; I just didn't want to instill that kind of mindset in them. Our tradition from the time my youngest was about 8 was to spend Xmas Day at the local shelter/kitchen for homeless/transient people, which did both Xmas breakfast and dinner. We'd be there, kids included, from pre-dawn until after midnight, prepping, cooking, serving, eating with the people the kitchen served, and cleaning up. It was actually really fun (the kids even looked forward to it) and really fulfilling and, to me, that's what Xmas ought to be about. Not the consumer frenzy. I have no interest in feeding and perpetuating that frenzy and while it caused some problems as the kids grew up when they found that their peers got showered with extravagant gifts, they also realized that they’d get gift-showered for their birthdays, and they've both said that they prefer the more low-key way we did Xmas as a family as well as the more service-oriented mindset, which they both have continued. Aside from this Xmas just past, which we did more "traditionally," but still without extravagant gifts.

hugelunatic replied to your post “OMG, I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER!”

I love my granddaughter to pieces! But I can only stand being around her without her parents around. LoL

And hello my fellow Grinch! *loves*

They are definitely better without their parents! :) We took 4-year-old to the slopes on the day after Xmas without her parents, and it was a ton of fun. Spent the whole morning teaching her how to snowboard, had lunch in town, boarded bunny slopes/courses with her, would have done dinner out, too, but she was crashing by that point, etc., and it was all great. None of us, including the 4-year-old, wanted to go home to the screaming baby and toddler. *laugh*

I will be fine when the kids are older. I'm fine with my other set of three grandkids -- the kids of my firstborn, whom I don't call "my son" because he was adopted at birth, so I don't feel that I am his parent for all that he's my bio-son -- the youngest of whom is 8 and the eldest almost 15 (and a Simmer, along with his next-younger sibling :) ). They live in Botswana, but they come over to the states fairly often and will be here this coming fall for a month and will stay with us, and I'm perfectly fine with that. The problem is, my son and his wife want a large family -- She comes from one, they're conservative Christians, etc. -- so by the time they're done having/adopting them, it'll be a long time -- probably longer than I'll live -- that they'll all be older. So then I'm put in the position of wanting to be around some of them but not all of them, which is not fair to them, but...yeah. In some ways, it's good that they live far away. I'm good with visiting with all of them via Skype. :) But they might not always be far. When my son retires from the Army after he puts in his 20 years, they plan to move back out here. But I might not be alive by then or at least I might no longer be able to live at altitude, so there's that. :)

And...GRINCHES UNITE! *high five*

mustluvcatz-reloaded replied to your post “OMG, I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER!”

And there I was.. Happy as hell to see my grands and sad to see them leave. But I rarely see them so.. *back to being a Scroogy Grinch*

I think most people are happy to see their grands and sad to see them leave. I'm an outlier, I know. I've never actually liked little kids, despite raising two of my own. In truth, my husband and I were pressured into it, he more so than me, but I was trying to be a "good, obedient Christian wife." It's not surprising that I struggled and that it all contributed to the end of that marriage. I did not enjoy my kids when they were little. I gave up my career because I felt that I had to (Husband didn’t want me to, actually, but I couldn’t imagine living the life we lived dragging a kid around, which was another nail in the marriage’s coffin), and there’s a part of me that will always regret that. And I resented that my husband didn’t have to give up his career, that of course it fell to me to do so. I mean, I loved my kids, of course, but that's a different thing from wanting to be around them all the time and always enjoying their company. It was a huge struggle for me, and I'm glad it’s over. Teen/adult kids are great, though, and I'm thankful they both turned out well. Because, yeah, I’m a mom who doesn’t like kids, and worse I was a single mom who didn’t like kids, which could’ve been utterly disastrous, but I muddled through, living for the day when they’d be grown-ups.

And more for the Grinch Club, woo! :) (Also, I am only just now reading about what you're going through. I am so, so sorry. :( )

simaddicted-sue replied to your post “OMG, I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER!”

I feel your pain and raise you 14 grandkids I love them dearly especially when they are not here lol

*sigh* Should I live long enough, I'll have at least 14 grandkids. My firstborn and his wife are done. They only wanted two, especially because there were problems with the second pregnancy. The third was an IUD fail, and then both got surgically sterilized in the aftermath, just to be safe. But my son and his wife....They want 8, minimum. They're planning on 4 bio kids (and will gladly accept more if they happen), and then they want to adopt, just as her family did. And then there's my daughter and her partner. They will marry in a few years and they're both anti-kid right now...but they're also only in their early 20s and when their mutual female biological clocks kick in, who knows what might happen? They might be like me and remain uninterested in kids for life or they might not. In any case, my health is not the best and will only get worse as time goes on, so I will have that as an excuse not to have littles around much, at least. There are silver linings to chronic conditions! :)

dunne-ias replied to your post “OMG, I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER!”

meh, stay healthy and you'll live to have a relationship you might even enjoy when they're older. Not everyone has to like kids, even it they're related to you. I had my nephews visiting for a few days, which meant 4 days of almost non-stop Zelda-playing, but they're in just the right age for a visit, as in mature enough to handle their basic needs on their own.

Yeah, older kids can be a lot of fun, and I have no -- or at least a lot fewer -- problems with them. My firstborn's two eldest kids play Sims (The eldest plays TS4, but the 13-year-old prefers TS3. :) ), so sometimes we'll be on Skype together, all playing our games and yakking at each other about it, for hours, and we have a lot of fun that way. The TS3-playing kid and I are playing Dragon Valley concurrently, cycling through the premade households and doing different things with them, which is fun. And my son's four-year-old sat on my lap while I played TS2 a bit to chill out this past week, and she was fascinated and “helped” me a little, so now I plan to "groom" her as best I can going forward. ;) Video games are a good way to bond with kids. :) And when the firstborn's family is here, I'm sure we'll be doing plenty of that, as a group, since all of us love video games of various types. The Mortal Kombat tournament will be vicious and I will undoubtedly lose, but I will have fun while I am repeatedly, violently killed. :)

We'll just have to see what happens with my son and his planned never-ending parade of children who aren't allowed a lot of screen time and "educational" video games are only allowed in very limited doses. *sigh* I have to come up with a sales pitch that makes TS2 “educational.” Well, it did make my daughter interested in the Middle Ages, since she played a medieval game, and she is now working on a graduate degree in Medieval Studies and has a talent for writing well-researched historical fiction as well as interesting narrative non-fiction, so....

pensblr replied to your post “OMG, I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER!”

My husband and I really chuckle quite a bit (as we continue to happily enjoy our child-free lives) when we are judged for not doing the whole kid thing by people who always seem stressed-out trying to juggle everything. I'm like 'I don't judge you for wanting children. So don't judge me for not wanting them.' Recently had a male colleague tell me that God put men and women here to have children, and if we didn't "What's the whole purpose of life then?"

Yeah, child-free is a great way to live! Especially if you're double income/no kids, I'd imagine. IF you can deal with the constant judgment and the pressure from people who want grandkids or nieces/nephews and the accusations of being selfish and pressures from one's religion, if that's a factor, and all that crap, of course. :\

Since my husband is almost 20 years younger than me, has no children, and I'm past menopause, I get a lot of side-eyes not just for our age difference (though with my gray hair dyed and a general lack of wrinkles because I’ve never been able to expose myself to much sunlight, I look (and act) younger than I am, so at least that helps with that) but also for our inability to procreate. I get a lot of "But what about when he wants kids? It's not fair to him to be married to someone who can't have kids!" (Which is a lovely argument to lob at anyone! I mean, I guess involuntarily infertile young people shouldn't marry fertile people then? *eyeroll* ) But he doesn't want kids. His own father died suddenly at 39 of a massive coronary, and when it happened his mom checked out for a bit, leaving him to deal with his grief and mostly raise his three younger siblings -- the youngest of whom was only 2 -- until she got her shit together, which took her years to do because she got addicted to the tranquilizers the dumbass doctors prescribed and had to do rehab, etc.. He did his time parenting starting when he was 14 until he was about 22. He has zero interest in having his own kids and can’t imagine that changing, though he loves being around other people's kids that he can give back to their parents. He absolutely loves being a step-grandparent of 6 at the age of 37, in addition to being an uncle to his siblings' kids. :) Even if he does eventually want his own kids, it'll probably be after I'm gone and then he'll be free to find someone to procreate with, if he and that partner want to spawn. So, I tell those people to just fuck right off.

And ugh, that "God put men and women on Earth to be fruitful and multiply and if you don't do it you're just selfish -- and having “sinful” sex -- and going against God's will and there's no point to your life" thing. That's why I had kids. That's NOT the right reason to have kids, but I was so brainwashed at the time that I didn't think that way. Or at all, really, at least not about that subject. Ugh. Ugh ugh UGH! I wish I'd responded with a polite-but-mighty "fuck off," too...but I DO like my kids and am thankful that they exist, so...yeah.

Rant! Sorry! :)

mdpthatsme replied to your post “OMG, I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER!”

28 years old, don't like children, don't want to have children because I know this about myself and I'm ok with it. People tell me it's a phase and I'll want children soon enough. I'm like, uh, no. Family and friends get aggravated with me when I don't hold their babies or don't want to watch their children. Like has the point not come across yet?

Yeah, everyone tells under-30 women who don't want kids that they'll change their mind. So many women want to be sterilized but doctors won't do it because "they might change their mind." Some have the nerve to get them to get permission from their husband, if they're married. My daughter suffers from terrible endometriosis is in almost constant pain from it. Over the years she's gone through all the treatments short of hysterectomy and nothing has worked, at least not permanently. She badly wants that hysterectomy but to date has found no doctor -- at least here in the States; I’m thinking she might have better luck in Europe -- who will do one because she's only 22 and unmarried. They think she'll marry a man (which she won't do; she's pretty firmly declared herself a femme lesbian) and then magically want kids. They even have the balls to tell her that if she goes ahead and births a kid, that might cure her condition because GOD FORBID they just do the relatively easy procedure that will likely cure her. Instead, they'd rather saddle her with a kid or at best make her go through a pregnancy and then have the kid adopted. At which point the endo might just come back again.

I really can't believe how misogynistic gynecologists can be, even the female ones. Maybe their brains are warped by the women who desperately want kids but can't have them. I have enormous sympathy for those women, truly I do, but their plight should not prevent women who don't want kids from taking more drastic steps to not have them and certainly shouldn't force women to suffer through medical conditions that would be cured or at least made better by being completely sterile.

And yeah, the family constantly pushing babies at you and wanting you to babysit, just because you happen to have a pair of boobs. Nope. I'm thankful that my gay brother and his husband are not interested in kids and wouldn’t have cared if I didn’t have any, and that my mother is indifferent to the concept of grandchildren, but I DO have a lot of kid-crazy cousins that I did my best to avoid like the plague but when I couldn't were constantly trying to "convert" me by shoving their "adorable" babies in my face. They don't do it anymore with our advanced age and all, but when they were actively popping them out before I had any, as an older teen/young adult saying I had no interest in kids, it was like they were on a freakin' crusade, complete with forced conversion. *eye roll* Even though at that point I HAD birthed a kid not at all by choice and had given him up for adoption. Nope, not good enough. I had to have one that I wanted, I guess. And when I did have kids, they were all smug and, “See, we knew you’d change your mind!” Even though I really hadn’t. It's sick. Not every woman loves babies/kids.

MOAR RANT! More sorry. :)

yuichen

replied to your post

“OMG, I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER!”

36, no kids. I like my brother's but probably because they're older and I missed most of their early lives. My cousins' kids, however? Fuck no. I avoid the whole massive family gathering because they weren't taught to have respect for people's things, or how to not act like little psychos. I'm talking jumping on the furniture and running around screaming while their parents do absolutely nothing. In a small house. Fuck. That.

Oh yeah. In my experience, the most adamant baby-pushers were the ones who had the worst-behaved kids. They "loved" them so much that they never established/enforced boundaries and thought that any kind of discipline would damage them somehow. *eye roll* One of my cousins never made her kids sit down to eat. They just wandered around the table grabbing food (with their hands!) from serving dishes or, worse, from other people's plates. They let them do that in restaurants, even. It was disgusting. Or, the most adamant baby-pushers were the ones who were also complaining about how stressful their life/marriage was and who could be heard pining for the pre-kid years of their relationships. And I'd just give them a meaningful look. But if you point out that you just don't want to complicate your relationship/life by adding spawn to it, well then you're just “selfish.”

Yup. I was at some point, at least in that regard. Being a more fundamentalist-type Christian in my 20s/30s warped my brain on the subject, but down in my heart-of-hearts...I would've been perfectly happy being that kind of "selfish." No, I wouldn’t give up my kids now, but if I’d never had them, I would’ve been perfectly OK, too.

#yuichen #mdpthatsme #pensblr #dunne-ias #simaddicted-sue #mustluvcatz-reloaded #hugelunatic #niamh-sims #taylors-simblr #replies #non sims

14 notes · View notes

multi-fandom-dreams · 5 years

Text

Always With You - Father Dean Imagine

Status: Not Requested

Warnings: parent death, drunk driving, social services, parent losing custody of a child

Word Count: 1,778

Music Suggestion: Safe & Sound (From the Hunger Games) - Taylor Swift, The Civil Wars

After your mother had died in a horrid hit and run, your father Dean and uncle Sam did everything that they possibly could to keep you in their custody. They were unprepared for the wrath of your mothers parents back in Italy.

You were six years old and the light of your fathers life. You helped to keep his head in line and you were the final thread of his sanity. Even your uncle Sam benefited from the love you shared. You were their hope and everything more.

It was not to last.

---

Your dad knew your mother well, besides the one night stand. She had kept him in your life from the moment that she was made aware of her pregnancy. He’d always told himself he’d be unable to be a father but the second he laid his eyes on you, he experienced a love like no other.

Your uncle Sam was primarily angry about the whole situation. Being the former black sheep of the family, he recognised the draw backs of having a hunter for a parent and didn’t want you to feel left behind or forgotten, even if it meant never having a father. Yet, when Dean brought you home for the first time, Sam’s only instinct was to hold you close and kiss your rosey cheeks.

Of course, when your mother became aware of the Winchester lifestyle, she wanted to place your under her wing and you protect you from whatever was out there until your final breath. But, as she recognised the fact that monsters weren’t the only dangers in life and that a threat could be a person walking by in the street, she reluctantly opened up to the idea of occasional weekend visits.

They were not to be forever.

---

Years had now passed since your first ‘sleepover at daddy’s house’ when you were eight months, and now you were dropped off every Friday that your dad could take you and picked up on the Sunday night. It was in most cases, the light of your week.

“Daddy!” You squealed, running into the arms of your bear of a father.

“(Y/N)” He squealed back in the same tone, spinning you round.

Once he placed you down you tackled Sam’s leg, still not being able to reach his waist. “How are you still so tiny at six?” Sam would joke, ruffling your hair.

“You’re too big.” You’d cutely defend yourself, poking him in the knee.

Cas was an odd one to you. You knew he wasn’t the same as your mum, dad or uncle but you strongly aware of the fact that he was the same as family.

“Hello Cassie.” You’d say in his voice, mimicking the gravel sound he made.

“Hello (Y/N)” Cas would say in a formal voice, oblivious to the fact that you were six and your manners came from your father (so they were non-existent).

A majority of your weekend consisted of playing hide and seek with your dad and uncle, confusing Castiel with board games your mum had packed in your suitcase, cooking with Sam and dancing to rock music with your dad.

It was the most fun you had. Yes, your mother made you laugh and giggle with her tickle attacks but to you, nothing beat at weekend at Dad’s.

That was until your mothers death.

---

You were playing in your bedroom while your mother watched reality TV in the living room. She yawned and stretched her stiff bones; working three jobs often wore her out and brought her to her tether but seeing you waiting at the school gates to be picked up and talk about your day made everything worth it.

That day, she planed on finally buying you the purple trainers you’d wanted for god knows how long. When your mothers best friend came round to watch you for a couple of hours, your mum came into your bunny-decorated room and placed a kiss on your forehead.

“Be good.” She said, before tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“You too.” You responded, sharing a toothy grin at the sight of her smile.

That would be the last ever moment you shared with your mother.

---

She’d been crossing the road when the local drunk decided to swerve to the other side of the road to avoid the traffic lights, knocking your mother off her path.

When Dean received the call from your mother’s best friend to rush to the hospital, he felt a weight of guilt as he was unable to as he was on the other side of the country, following up on a case.

Sadly, your mother’s best friend had to explain that your mum had passed and it wasn’t until two nights after that you became wrapped up in your father’s arms.

“I’m so sorry baby.” Your dad said softly, tucking you as close as he could into his chest as he laid down in your bed in the bunker. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“It’s ok daddy.” You whispered out through tears and snuggling into your dad, not truly understanding why your dad was apologising. Your innocence often warmed your fathers soul, but tonight, it only layered the guilt.

He’d let you down, and not for the last time.

---

When it came to custody, your uncle and father thought that there was no doubt about it and that even though their lifestyle was dangerous, they’d have no worries about having to suffer the loss of you been taking away. They could not have been more wrong.

When your grandparents came from Italy to attend the funeral of your mother, the looks and comments they gave your father and uncle set out the path for a bitter battle for you.

It began withe small acts - asking who you preferred staying with (grandma and grandad or dad and Sam), questioning you on what time dad put you to bed or what he put in your school lunches. It quickly escalated to your grandmother keeping a record of when your dad was late to pick you up or when your uncle lost track of you as you played in the park.

After a while, you father and uncle were told by social services that you could no longer stay in the bunker and that you had to stay with your grandparents for five out of the seven days of the week as Dean’s parenting style was deemed unsuitable ‘during a period of grief for a child’.

“But she’s mine.” Your father would growl every time your grandfather came to pick you up on the Sunday night.

“No, she was our daughters.” Your grandfather would always respond, luring you out of the bunker.

Like normal, your father would bite back his words and tears as his hugged you goodbye, the separation hurting him more and more with each end to each visit. However, one day, an argument broke out and compared to normal, Sam was not able to prevent Dean from lashing out and pushing your grandfather, thus causing his hip to give out and the police to be called.

Then, the four were summoned for the court date.

---

During the wait, you’d being staying with your grandparents for over a month and when you saw your father and uncle, you attempted to run towards them and be picked up and span round as you usually would be when they saw you. Sadly, your grandmother pulled you back and into the court room, your fathers smile fading from his face.

The court trial dragged on for several hours as each guardian involved recited their reasons to have custody over you. When it was your turn to recite what it was like staying at your dads on a podium which was far to high for you, you glanced at your dad and uncle and sent them the biggest smile you could. They responded with even larger ones.

“So, (Y/N), what’s it like staying at daddy’s?” Your grandparents lawyer asked you as sweetly as possible. You didn’t like her.

“Awesome.” You simply responded, earning a chuckle on your uncle’s behalf.

“I mean, what do you guys do to have fun?” That question would lead to the ban on your father and uncle ever seeing you again.

All you had done was answer honestly.

---

“I don’t understand why I can’t see my daddy!” You cried, pushing your grandmother away from you.

“You know why my sweetie! Taking you out shooting, making up all the nonsense about Castiel being an angel and the moving around - oh my goodness - what kind of parent does that!” She’d cry in answer to your question, throwing up her arms to be dramatic.

The final time in which your father was given permission to see you was at the airport before your flight to your new life in Italy. You didn’t quite comprehend the fact that you were never going to see them again and as far as you were concerned, you were simply going on holiday.

So, when your grandmother and grandfather watched like hawks as your father and uncle approached you, tears dwelling in their eyes, you only wanted to comfort them.

Sam gave you the best and biggest hug he could manage, never wanting to let you go. You returned it as well as you could, anything to make them feel better. “It’s only a holiday Sammy.” You sweetly explained, playing with the ends of his hair as he brought himself down to your level, hands running over your cheeks. “I know. Promise you’ll be good and wont forget me?” Sam asked. “Of course I wont silly!” You stated. He returned with an emotional but weak smile.

When your father kneeled down, you could recognise the pain in his eyes. “What’s wrong daddy?” You asked, becoming upset at the sight of his tears. “Nothing baby, I just don’t like it when you go away.” He barely managed to choke out, running his fingers through your short locks as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “I’m always with you.” You comforted him, placing a kiss to his cheek.

Just like the first time he met you, he placed a kiss to your forehead. “I love you.” He uttered, sitting up as your grandmother moved forward to take you away.

“Right back at you!” You yelled out through a laugh as your grandmother took your hand and pulled you towards the terminal.

As you waved and turned around, not realising that you’d never see your father or uncle again, Dean replayed the words in his head as much as he could.

“I’m always with you.”

363 notes · View notes

timelock97 · 5 years

Text

Love Without A Name

Chapter Eleven: Impending Panic

Word Count: 3031

Masterlist

Warnings: Fluff, Language, Anxiety, PANIC ATTACK AT END OF THE CHAPTER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Counting down the days yet?" Tom's voice comes from the speaker of my phone.

I smile, brushing my fingers through my damp hair. "Less than seventy-two hours, then I can have you back in my arms again."

"I miss you; miss the apartment, miss Tess and Phoebe. Just want'o be home."

"Well, at least the last leg will be shot in London. You get to come home to your own bed."

"And my girls, don't forget that," He hums, shifting on his side of the phone. "Anything new happening? I feel like I just rambled for the last hour while you were getting ready for bed."

"But I miss you, so hearing you ramble is second best to you being here. Um," I roll over in bed and wedge the phone into the pillow so I can shut my tired eyes while I talk. "Nothing new, work is work. Your mom came and had lunch with me today. Which was nice 'cause she wanted to do dinner tonight but I wasn't going to get home till late. What else-" I rub my hand over my face before letting out a soft 'oh'. "I get out early tomorrow, so I am going to run to the mall and pick up some stuff 'cause my favorite pair of jeans decided to rip, so they are unwearable now."

Tom chuckles gently, "I'm glad my mum came and kept you company. Haz said that he's been to the flat a few times in the past few weeks."

"Yeah, he came over to have dinner 'cause I was lonely," I giggle, thinking about the first time I called Harrison after Tom had left.

After Paddy had gone back home, going back to the empty apartment was hard, especially after a bad day. I had had a shit day at work. Not one thing had gone to plan, I was tired, and all I wanted was someone to sit and watch a movie with me. So while walking home, I called Tom's family. His brothers had already had plans for the evening and his folks were at his grandparents. I pout at the reactions, but tell them not to worry and order take-out anyways. When the food arrived, I realized I ordered way too much. On the way up to my floor, I take a last-minute glance at the floors and press the fifth. The doors open quickly, and my feet carried me down the hall to the old apartment. I hadn't realized I had knocked until I heard Haz call a quick 'one minute!' When he opens the door, he looks surprised, seeing me dressed in a pair of baggy sweatpants and one of Tom's sweatshirts.

"You okay?"

"I got way to much take-out," I lift the bag in defense before avoiding his gaze. "Was hoping you hadn't eaten yet? It's okay, if you have, just, honestly really lonely and didn't realize I had ordered so much."

Haz had let out a small laugh before reaching for his keys, "Let me grab my phone, then we can go upstairs and throw on a movie, I'm sure Phoebes and Tess would prefer we were up there since you've been gone all day."

I nod, and let out a small laugh while I wait for him. When we walk back to the elevator, I smile at him before bumping his shoulder with mine. "Thanks, I hope I wasn't interrupting anything-"

"No, was just about to throw something in the oven, wasn't really in the mood for cooking either so it's cool. And, hey," he nudges my shoulder back, "don't feel bad for coming to bother me if you're lonely. We all get that way, and I can only imagine how hard it is since Tom is gone; especially since it's the first time."

"Thanks, Haz."

"I'm just glad he lets me come and bug him, it's helped, and I might as well bug him since he's in the same building." I let out a small yawn, trying to disguise it but am unsuccessful.

"It's late, I know. You should head to bed-"

"No..." I whine, rolling back onto my back. "Wanna keep talking to you."

"You have to get rest, love. I'll call you tomorrow, promise."

"Wish you were here; sleep better when you're here." I whisper, the darkness of the room making it that much harder to stay awake.

"I know, my love, I'll be home soon."

I smile as I let out another yawn. "I love you, Tommy, so so much."

"I love you too, (Y/N). Go to sleep, only two more sleeps till I'll be able to sleep beside you."

"Can't wait." I murmur, cuddling closer to my pillows. "Goodnight, handsome."

"Goodnight, darling."

It was like the universe was telling me that I should have stayed home that morning. I should have called in sick, went to visit with Tom's family, spent the day at the apartment and clean. Anything but go into town.

I wake up to Phoebe kneading the comforter that rests over my shoulders. My eyes pealing open, blinking a few times confused at the amount of light that was seeping into the room from behind the blinds. I slowly lift my hand from under the pillow and reach for my phone, going wide-eyed as I notice the time was twenty minutes until I had to be at the clinic. "SHIT!" I spring out of bed, Tess jumping and barking at me as I scramble to change out of my pjs and into my work clothes, thankful I could wear jeans and a solid colored tee-shirt since it was Friday. I slip inside the bathroom, brush my hair, pin it away from my face, and brush my teeth before running to the kitchen and fill the cat bowl. I start to list the things that need to be done while I rush Tessa to the elevator to wee, only to rush back inside and dial Haz's number.

"'Ello?" Haz's sleepy voice comes from the speaker.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, my alarm never went off and I'm going to be late for work if I walk and-"

"I'll meet you in the lobby."

"Thank you!" I practically sing into the receiver before hanging up and slipping on a pair of shoes. "Bye babies, be good!" I call as I lock the door and run to the elevator. Once in the lobby, I throw my arms around Haz's neck and whisper a quick thank you again before the two of us make our way out to his car.

Harrison hands me an apple, smiling softly. "Figured you didn't grab breakfast."

"I didn't, thanks again."

He shakes his head, his hair sticking straight up, pointing every which direction.

When he pulls up to the clinic, I have two minutes until my first patient will be ready to come back and see me. "I owe ya one!" I call as I get out, grabbing my bag from the floor.

"Nah, don't worry about it, (Y/N). Have a good day!"

I run inside, smiling at Wilma as I pass to toss my stuff at my desk and log in. Take a breath, you're fine.

As the day went on, one of my regular kids comes in the building frazzled, and upset. "You okay there, Johnny?" I coo, kneeling on the carpet floor to get to his level.

His mom scoffs, obviously annoyed. "There are two men at the back of the parking lot, Johnny believes that they are secret agents and is afraid. Do you happen to know why they might be out there?"

I lift my gaze to meet her eyes, my eyebrows pulling together. "No, I don't know why they would be out there; let me check the front office." I stand from my crouched position and walk over to Wilma, leaning against her desk. "Hey, Wil?" I hear her hum, so I continue. "Do you happen to know why there is a van in our parking lot that isn't a patient?"

Her head snaps up, confusion and annoyance crossing her features. "Again?"

"Again? This has happened before?"

"Yeah, and it looked like they were taking pictures." She leans forward and goes to grab the phone, "I think I am going to call the main clinic and have them send one of their security guys over to take care of it."

I nod at her, my eyebrows pulling together as I fidget with my wedding ring. Taking pictures...? I force a smile as I make my way back to the little boy in front of me, "C'mon lil man, let's go play, yeah?"

"No scary men?"

"Nope, no scary men." I smile as he takes my hand and allows me to take him down the hall, my mind still wandering back to the van.

Once my session was done, I walk the boy to the door before popping in to check with Wilma, only to see that Jeff, the main security guard from the main office sitting in there as well. "Hey, Jeff, Wilma. Everything get cleared up?"

Jeff nods his head, "Yup, thankfully they left without us having to call the police."

"Did they happen to say why they were here?" My fingers tighten around my wrist nervously.

"Said they were trying to get pictures for their magazine, wouldn't say of what."

I nod, muttering a quick 'okay' before smiling at my last patient that walks in the door. They could be here for the clinic, right? That's a possibility.

As the clock finally ticked over to two o'clock, I finished my last report. I sign my name at the bottom before logging out of the account and walking to the main office to tell my supervisor that I was leaving for the day, and I would see him tomorrow.

"Have a great day, (Y/N)!" He called as I walked out of view, fishing my phone out of my bag to text Harrison that I was leaving and that I was headed to the mall to go shopping then would be back at the apartment. My feet carry me up the street, pausing at the post office to drop off a letter to my parents.

Once inside the mall, I wander around to get a look at what stores I might want to look at. After about twenty minutes I end up at a general clothing store. My eyes scan the racks until I find the section I am looking for, looking for my jeans size before placing a few over my arm and leave to find a dressing room. Where those girls looking at me? My eyes glance to the side, a small group of girls looking at clothes, but occasionally look over at me. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear before walking the rest of the way to the dressing room.

The jeans I try on don't fit as well as I hope, slumping in places they shouldn't and just all together, not fitting. I exit the dressing room, noticing more people had started to gather inside and out. It's still summer, maybe people are getting a head start on a school wardrobe?

I stroll back to the section and filter through the jeans again before finding a few more pairs and make my way back to the dressing room. On the way back, I notice a powder blue sundress. I smile as I add it to my pile. I return to the dressing room and try on a few more jeans, deciding on two that fit the best. My eyes lift to look at myself in the mirror, moving to the side to see the dress hung up behind me. I turn back to the dress, pulling it from the hanger and smile at it as I tug my tee shirt over my head and letting it fall to the floor. I pull the dress over my head and let out a little giggle at how beautiful I look. I turn and let the dress flow up slightly at the movement. I smile wider, grabbing my phone and taking a few pictures before shooting them to Tom.

-----

Spooderman<3

You look positively beautiful

I'm so damn lucky

My Princess

So I should buy this?

Wear it for when you get home?

-----

As I send the message, I flinch at the noise of a bang hitting my stall door. "Uh, occupied!" When there is no other noise, I shrug and pull the dress over my head, gather my discarded clothes on the floor, and get dressed. I rehang the dress and jeans, making sure to place the ones I wasn't planning on buying in another pile. As I walk out to hang up the unwanted jeans, a voice catches my attention.

"Miss? Can I ask you a question?" She has her phone in hand, as I give her a short, yet nervous nod. "Are you the girl from the picture?"

I take a small step forward, but not enough to get too close. The girl is maybe sixteen, but that still doesn't settle the nerves in my stomach and the little voice in my head telling me to 'just say no and walk away.' My eyes focus on the photo, and my breath hitches at the image. It's of Tom and I, he has his arm around my shoulder as we walk Tessa through the park and from the looks of it, it was the day before he had left. I shake my head gently, taking a cautious step back. "Uh, nope, sorry, it's-" I swallow, "it's not me."

The girl's eyebrows pull together as she looks back at the photo, "But it has to be you, you look just like her."

I shake my head one more time as I walk back into my dressing room to grab my clothes, but when I walk back out, my heartrate picks up. Outside the door is a small group of girls, with a few more adding on directly in front of the exit. I swallow, taking a small step toward the exit, toward them. "Excuse me, I just want to get past you, the room is open though-"

The girl who had stopped me gives me a funny look, "You lied."

"What?"

"You lied," she moves her phone to show that she had more pictures of me, some were with Harrison, others were of me with any of the Hollands.

My heart tightens in my chest, and its suddenly really hard to breathe. "I'm friends with the Hollands, but-"

"So why didn't you just say that?" Another step toward me, another step I take backwards. I begin to notice that other girls were walking in, none with clothes in hand.

"You aren't exactly being friendly, and it's easier to say no." Another step backwards, my fingers feel like they are growing numb.

The girl lets out a laugh, "So you aren't his girlfriend?" I don't answer, my phone buzzes in my pocket. Her eyes dart down as my hand tightens around the clothing in my hands. "Or are you lying about that too?"

It's a blur, but suddenly I am back inside the dressing room, the lock shaking in my hand as I latch it shut. The girls on the other side are banging their hands on the door. There is yelling, a mixture of people telling me I should tell the truth, that I am not good enough for him, and people yelling at them to back off turn into a jumble of noise as my body betrays me.

You're dying.

You're having a heart attack.

My eyes cloud with tears as faces begin poking under the door, voices coming at me as if I was underwater.

"Just tell the truth!-"

"What does he see in you?"

"Leave her alone!"

"Ugly skank-"

My body hits the back wall, sliding until my butt hits the ground. My mouth is dry as I try and to get air into my lungs. You need to breathe-

The girls continue to yell, and I feel suddenly feel like I am going to pass out- no, I'm going to die- I let out a loud sob as my stomach rolls, the room spinning as my ears ring.

"If you need anything call Haz-"

I reach into my pocket as the pounding on the door becomes distant, dialing Harrison's number from my speed dial, praying he'll answer.

"Hey, (Y/N)-"

"Haz, I need- I need-"

"Woah, hey what's wrong?"

"Can't breathe-"

"You need to breathe with me-" Someone bangs on the door, causing a sob to leave my mouth; I can hear Harrison curse on the other side of the phone. "Where are you, can you remember the store name?" I must have told him, my mouth processing it before my mind. Harrison yells to someone on the other end, but I can't tell what he says. "Harry is calling the store, I'm on my way, I'm going to stay on the phone with you, okay-"

The phone is yanked from my hand, voices drowning me.

I'm going to die-

It's so loud-

My vision begins to get spotty, my body growing cold as my hands tremble.

Suddenly, hands are on my shoulders, someone else is yelling, but it carries something else in its tone. People are being pulled out of the room, the person in front of me squeezes my shoulders as she speaks. "Miss, you are having a panic attack, you need to breathe-"

"I can't-" I choke out.

"You're going to pass out if you don't," I think I'd rather that right now- "In and out with me, okay?"

Breathe-

You need to breathe-

You're panicking

Breathe-

A breathe finally fills my lungs, a familiar voice filling my ears, "I'm her husband's best friend, move mate." My eyes lift and Harrison is suddenly kneeling beside the woman in front of me, grabbing my hands as the security guard moves his head to the side to speak into his radio. "You're safe, you're okay." He moves to sit closer to me, "Breathe, (Y/N)." Another sob shakes my body as I attempt to take in a breath. "That's it, you're okay."

You need to breathe-

You're safe

Just breathe-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! Reblog and comment! Hope today was amazing, and if not, than I hope tomorrow is <3.

#cg writes #love without a name #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #strangers to lovers #arranged marriage #husband!tomholland #tw: panic attack

32 notes · View notes

leah-halliwell92 · 5 years

Text

Doesn’t Really Matter

Summary: Taylor Mae Miller has been friends with Adam since they were in high school and a musician in he own right and has known Queen for just about the same time he’s been touring with them. Their bond strong and growing ever stronger, Mae decides to move across the pond not only to be closer to her new found friends but to get away from her volatile and toxic relationship thrust on her by her mother. Will her new found family be enough to reassure her that she is loved?

Chapter 2

“Are you joking?” Roger asked incredulously.

Adam couldn’t hold it anymore and broke into a fit of laughter.

Taylor gave the men a knowing look hand to her mouth to keep from laughing, and nodded.

“Like I said,” she said trying to hold back her laughter, “My grandparents are hippies and music junkies!”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Roger asked still not getting it.

“It means they were going to name me something out of the cosmos or after one or more of their favorite singers or bands,” she said as she couldn’t hold bacon her laughing anymore.

Brian nodded in understanding before shaking his head with a warm laugh of his own.

“She was names after her grandmother’s favorites Roger,” Adam as he came to.

That’s when the penny fell and Roger’s eyes widened in realization.

“She named you after your favorites, huh,” he said boyish grin appearing on his face.

“And there’s the ego boost,” Brian says jokingly.

“Well I never,” Roger said faking outrage.

You all share a laugh and continue eating your food when Adam stands with a quiet ‘excuse me’ when his phone goes off.

“Why so glum Liz Taylor?” Mae asked noticing the serious look on Roger’s face.

“Your mother...”

“Is not here,” she says voice going hard, “And as Adam told me on the way here...she is not here to tell me what or who to do.”

“NO boys,” Brian and Roger said in unison causing the wives to laugh and Mae to shrug and then a chuckle when Brian added, “Or girls.”

“Still,” she said voice somber., “It isn’t like she’s a mum mum to me, she’s my mother she birthed but that is as far as the connection goes. She was all for my brothers but when it came to her only daughter she saw a bargaining chip.”

“Jesse and Jonah tried,” she said with a shrug, “Sometimes it would work and other times it would blow up in our faces.”

“Sounds like a traditionalist in the worst possible way,” Roger said as he tossed the now empty plates into the food bag to be disposed of later.

Taylor nodded and sighed.

Adam stepped back into the room an annoyed look on his face.

“Everything ok?” Taylor asked.

“Yea,” he said with a roll of his eyes making his sarcasm more than a little evident, “Manager needs me to go back to go over scheduling to make sure my tour and our tour don’t over lap.”

You nodded and rolled your eyes. Those schedules had been done for ages. And have been checked and double checked that everything was where it’s suppose to be.

“I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about,” Brian said with a grin.

“Same, but dude’s wanting to check makes me think that he thinks he did something wrong,” he said annoyed before going to Taylor and pulling her into a hug, “I’ll see you at breakfast.”

Taylor nodded and went to get the mattress when and incredulous Roger said, “Wait...she’s spending the nigh here? Alone?”

“I was going to come back after my meeting,” Adam said before he reached the front door.

“You know as well as we do that scheduling revision is going to take most if not all night,” Roger said knowingly, “She’ll be staying with me.”

“Um...you have a thing in London remember?” Sarina said withholding a laugh after sharing a look with Anita the younger woman knowing very well that Rog had a couple of errands to run in London.

“And I have to study for a play will be showing in two weeks,” Anita said gently.

“I can give you the keys to my place Mae,” Adam said about to take said keys out.

“And stay there alone?” Roger said not liking the sound of that one bit.

Taylor rolled her eyes and said, “I feel like a rope...”

Sarina and Anita laughed at that and nodded.

“Why not a hotel?” Taylor said with a shrug.

“You have a home here little Mae,” Roger said with approaching her, “Not one but a few if Brian and Anita have anything to say about it.”

“It’s settled then,” Brian said beamingly.

“What?” Roger said clearly confused.

“Mae will be staying with me,” Brian said trying to not look smug at the suggestion, “You and Adam will be busy in London, the girls will be preparing for their performances leaving me to my lonesome.”

Roger looked at Brian in disbelief.

“My best mate just swindled me out of time with my namesake,” Roger said in disbelief.

“You forget thought Roger,” Mae said with a smirk, “I am Little Mae.”

“Hush you,” he said ruffling her hair causing her to laugh.

“I’ll put her stuff in your car then,” Adam said and left to do just that.

Taylor made her way to Brian who pulled her into a warm hug.

“You maybe Little Mae–” Roger began in a sure sign of that famous Taylor tempter.

“She’s got two daddies to take care of her,” Sarina cut in as she laughed at her husband’s antics, “Which means, she’s got family here.”

“More family than I ever thought I would,” Taylor said eyes glued to the ground.

Brian gave her a reassuring squeeze and said, “But family none the less.”

Taylor smiled at that and nodded. It was going take a bit to get used to being a a part of a stable family. But she was sure it was going to be a hell of a lot better than being on her own.

That settled, Adam said his goodbyes to everyone and left to kick his manager in the pants and see what the issues where with the schedule, Sarina left to get her bag from the trunk of their car and head to the airport to her own filming destination and Anita opted to take a cab to the theater to do her study.

“I will probably be back late but I will see you both in the morning,” Anita said bidding Taylor and Brian good bye with a hug and kiss.

“And you...” she said giving Roger a hug, “Behave.”

“I always behave!” He huffed indignantly.

Taylor and Brian laughed at that before Brian said, “Well since lunch is over and done with let’s go get you settled in.”

Taylor nodded and followed after the men.

“Before we head in why not go for tea?” Roger said a grin on his face.

“You really want to treat me to something don’t you,” Taylor asked rhetorically.

“Well...what is a mother supposed to do?” He said a cheeky grin.

Brian shook his head at them but offered Taylor his arm, ever the gentleman.

Together the trio took a stroll around the area until the found a quaint little tea shop walking distance away from her flat.

And as promised, Roger treated her to tea. The fact that Brian was there to also enjoy the fruits of his labor is another thing entirely.

“How are things with Jonah?” Brian asks as he serves the tea.

“Things with him have always been good,” Taylor said with a grin, “But better now that he mentioned settling down.”

“Oh?”

“Yea, he applied to be honorably discharged. Said something about making an honest woman out of Clair once and for all,” Taylor laughed at that and said, “I think he’s finally going to propose!”

The men gave a quiet cheer at the news.

“About time too! Clair’s been waiting for him to propose since she met him his senior year in school,” Taylor said with a laugh remember the day her best friend met her oldest brother.

“And him?” Roger asked curiously.

“He needed time to grow and mature away from our mother. I think the army did that for him,” she said with a sigh and a gentle grin, “Jesse’s another story though...he’s always been my mother’s baby. The one to always kiss her ass when she decided something needed to go one way or another, the one to back her up when she decided I needed to follow what she said because and I quote, ‘I am your mother. I birthed you raised and am raising you so the least you could do is acknowledge the fact that I know what is best for you’.”

The men bristled at that as they pieced together more of the puzzle that is Taylor’s life and the people within it.

“And you're dad?” Roger asked carefully.

Taylor grinned sadly and said, “Dad passed away a little over two months ago.”

The men gapped at that.

“Pancreatic cancer,” she said as she played with the teacup that is on the table, “And before you say anything about not having told you earlier...I didn’t do it out of spite. I really didn't know how to say it, how to say he’s...he’s...”

Brian pulled her on his side as she breaks down.

“We cremated him as per his request, service is next week in my gran’s Irish home,” she said when she calmed down some.

Roger sat in shock at the information and downed what was left in his cup no wishing it had something bit stronger in it.

“I think it’s time to take her home,” Brian said as he stood and helped her stand up as well.

Roger nodded and stood going to pay for their tea.

Brian walked her to the bathroom hall where she went to the laddie’s and make herself presentable. It wouldn’t do for the paparazzi to see her looking like they kicked her puppy.

Now looking more presentable, they trio made their way to the flat where they Roger left them with warm hugs and a kiss to Taylor’s forehead.

Brian helped her into the car and made his way into town making a bee line to Save Me.

“Wait here dear,” Brian said as he got out of the car and went into the facility.

Taylor waited brow furrowed in curiosity and confusion as to what the man could possibly be planning.

A little bit later Brian came back a satisfied smile on his face.

“Tomorrow you and I are going to be busy,” he said as he drove out.

“Do I want to know?” She asked with a small smile.

“Nope,” he said with a grin, “You’ll just have to wait and find out.”

~//~

If you wanna be tagged to my Queen/Borhap forever list tell me! Feedback is appreciated!!

Tag List: @queenattheopera, @brianandthemays, @theborhapboysawakenedmywhatever, @ramibaby, @captain--americanna, @awkwardangelshezza, @avengerraven1023, @danamaleksworld, @pastywhiteperson, @readinghorn, @i-was-born-like-this, @redspecialstardust, @reedusteinrambles, @rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives, @readinghorn, @subbysharkbabe, @capan-devereaux, @bowieandqueen11, @bellamy1998, @reedusteinrambles, @mazzello-lee-jones-malek, @sincereleygmg, @bleu-jean-baby, @brian-mayonnaise, @0hour9am, @toomuchtellyneck, @kimanne723, @kyleetheeditor, @glamrockmonarch, @rawyld, @queensdivas

#brian may #roger taylor #adam lambert #sarina taylor #anita dobson

33 notes · View notes

dkwpthsm · 5 years

Text

It's cold outside. And dark too. I should have brought a jacket.

Is this it? Am I finally doing it? Is this really the end?

The view from here is amazing. There is something magical about rooftops. Everything is so tiny, you get a whole new perspective on life.

I put my hands on top of the wall to jump so I can sit on it and I keep my hands there in order to mantain my balance. I guess I want to savour every moment I have left.

I'm facing the door that led me here, kind of waiting for it to burst open. However, my hopes fade after a few minutes of no one opening it. Of no one coming to help me. Of no one caring.

I should be used to it by now. But the pain never really stops, does it?

A coping technique I was taught to ease my anxiety attacks comes to mind right now although I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe my brain is trying to avoid what I'm about to do?

I'm afraid it's too late. But I'll give it a shot anyway. Not that it has ever worked or even helped the slightest, I just don't have anything to lose anymore.

So here we go again.

5 things I can see.

The door.

That stupid door. It's made of a dark brown wood. And it's closed.

The walls.

They used to be white before all the kids painted graffiti on them. They're full of drawings and words I can't understand.

Uh... The ground?

It's just grey. A dark grey. A few fading drawings made with chalk still there.

I turned my head to my right looking for something else.

The lights.

The chandeliers on top of the other buildings. They are bright and their light is yellowish. I always prefered those to the white ones.

Should I really do this? This is a waste of time, it won't change a thing.

A heavy sigh leaves my lips as I rest my hands behind me so I can let my head fall back and look up more comfortably.

The sky.

A blue so dark it could swallow me. And I wish it did. How can it be so bright at the same time? All those little dots, so far away, staring at me. I've always found it pretty. However, it recently gained a deeper meaning in my eyes, not longer being just a pretty sky.

Well, let's move on to the next step.

4 things I can touch.

The wall.

It's cold against my body. And it keeps me from falling too soon.

The wind.

It's more like a breeze, though. It's so light I could even fail to notice it if I wasn't paying enough attention. It has a cold touch against my skin as well.

My shirt.

It moves with the breeze that has gotten stronger now, hitting me ever so gently. It's as if it wants to fly away but can't because it's stuck with me.

I undertand that.

One more thing I can touch...

My thoughts.

Definitely my thoughts.

And my feelings too, or the lack of them.

My emptiness is certainly touchable.

I can't see them, it's true, but oh... Do I feel them.

My thoughts and my emptiness. They're sat here with me on this wall underneath this sky, I'm sure of that. Both hugging me so tight I'm going to suffocate. And this thightness hurts.

They're ready to push me off this building, but I'm still fighting. I want to hold on a bit longer, perhaps that door can still open.

Next one.

3 things I can hear.

I like to close my eyes for this one. It's soothing, I'll give it that.

The cars.

They're rushing to their destinies. Even though they're 20 flats below me, I can hear them clearly as they're quite noisy. But I don't hate it, actually I like the sound pretty much. It calms me, it's just there, it's constant, it doesn't stop. It hasn't left me since I came here.

People.

Laughing, walking, talking, crying, screaming. Every sound they make is distant, though. I can barely hear them but they're definitely there.

The voices.

And these are not distant, these are way too close. They're in my head, screaming, whispering, yelling at each other. They've been with me for quite a long time now. I'm so used to their presence already, I don't think I could even live without them. It's not that I like them or anything, I don't. They're not what you call kind or healthy or good. But they're there, and they're basically the only thing that has come and hasn't gone. And I appreciate that.

Moving on.

2 things you can smell.

Food.

Meat. Fried chicken to be more precise. I would recognise this one everwhere, it used to smell so good years ago. What happened? Why does it make me so sick now? Why do I want throw up so bad even thought I have nothing on my stomach? What happened?

Memories.

Yes, I can smell memories. They kind of smell like fried chicken too, back in the days I used to love it. Every now and then my parents would buy it at a fast food restaurant and head to my grandparent's house. We used to spend the whole day there, it was awesome, I remember loving it so much. After lunch, with greasy hands, I would make an airplane, which never flew too far because I never made them properly, the rush caused by the excitement being too big for me to ignore. Then I would just run around the garden. Ah... It feels so good to smile after so long. I used to hold the plane on my hand as high as I could, and I believe it was higher than I could ever reach today.

I would run towards my family, who would still be sat at the table chatting about what they so liked to call "adult things". The smile on my face was the biggest when I would yell "Mum! Mum! Look at me! I'm flying mum!" but no matter how big it was, my mother always had the power to take it off my face with words capable of destroying even the purest joy.

She was always able to take my excitement away but never my dreams. I would simply walk away from her and go to the terrace, where I could be the closest to the planes that kept on crossing the sky. Despite being sad at the time, now I don't think she really meant to hurt me or anything, she was probably just tired.

Tired of me. It happens a lot. People tend to get fed up with the sad girl who never wants to do anything very easily. But I'm used to that too.

Anyway, there was something about flying, something magical. Something so pure that only a child could see. It was liberating in some way. I lived for the day I could finally fly. If someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the word "pilot" would be rolling off my tongue before I knew it.

I honestly feel like that says a lot. I used to have dreams, so what am I doing here?

The last one now. The end is getting closer and I don't really feel sad about it. I don't feel happy either.

One thing I can taste.

This is an easy one.

Sour, without a doubt.

Sour because of the people who left. Sour because of the ones who will never open that door even if I screamed for help. Sour because life stopped being sweet to me when I was still a kid. Sour because I'm tired of living, tired of myself. Sour because I've been suffering for way longer than I could ever deal with. Sour because I'm about to end it all for good.

Well, I guess that sour never tasted that bad, after all.

And it's over now. It didn't really help. But then again, I'm used to things that don't work. I wasn't expecting anything from this stupid coping mechanism. But I kind of was. I was kind of hoping something in my mind would change. I'm not surprised, just disappointed.

Oh well, what was I waiting for? I'm broken. And it's way too late for trying to fix me. I don't really have the energy for that anyway so why should I bother?

I bring my knees to my chest and for a minute I want to stay here like this. I don't want to move. It's peaceful up here. I don't want to live, but I don't want to die either. However, I do want to end the suffering.

So I slowly stand on my feet using my arms to balance myself and turn my head to look down.

Wow, I'm so far from the ground. And this doesn't scare me, no, not at all, it actually makes me happy for the first time in a while. This feeling inside me is great, I'm finally doing it.

I look at my surroundings to see people in their homes through the windows. Some are watching TV alone, others are playing with their kids and a few are still having dinner. All of them look happy, laughing and having a good time with people who love them, with people who chose to stay.

A smile appears on my lips for the second time in the night.

They have found hapiness and I'm going to find mine.

I turn myself in order to face the door I grew to hate. Hoping again. I'm not even sure what for anymore.

It's closed as I expected. No one there to keep me in this world and I think I'm glad for being able to finally go.

It's now. I can't believe this. It's really now.

I raise my arms and straighten them on my sides, ready to fall back at any moment. My eyes are closed and my cheeks are wet, but a subtle smile is still on my face.

The wind is stronger and colder than it was before, however, I'm not cold anymore. The cars are still passing, I can hear them. The voices are still there as well, but fading fastly.

I take a deep breath as it feels like I'm running out of air. Another anxiety attack trying to win me over again. But I won't let it. No, not a chance.

Without giving it a second thought I allow myself to let go. And it feels so good letting go. The relief is priceless.

I'm falling.

I'm falling. I'm falling. I'm falling.

But am I really? I don't think so.

I think I'm doing something way more magical. Because if this doesn't feel like magic then I don't know what does.

"Look, mum, I'm flying."

#quotes #anxiety #depression #suicidal thoughts #suicide #feelings #self harm #crying #cutting #depressing quotes #sadness #anorexia #binge eating #bulimiia #dialogue #maladaptive daydreaming #dermatillomania

224 notes · View notes

awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce · 4 years

Text

And that, as they say, is history...

This is awful but I found it on my phone and I don’t think that I’ve posted it. I wrote it years ago but edited it to try and make it sound a bit more...sophisticated but it’s still awful.

Anyway, enjoy!

Y/N - your name. Y/I/H - your ideal hair. Y/H - your hair. Y/S/T - your skin type. Y/F/N - your full name. Y/M/N - your mother’s name.

You watched as he was driven away to a far away place. "I love you", you whispered to yourself as you best friend was taken away from you.

4 years later

You were walking down the familiar road. Past the familiar house that you hadn’t been inside for 4 years. You missed him.

Dean was your best friend. He was so good to you and you were really close. His mum was always happy to see you when you came round and you used to play with his brother or on his video games. It was around 3 in the afternoon on a hot, August day, and you had just been to see a film with your friends (who you hadn’t seen in a while) and had just got home, showered and dressed in your favourite pair of comfy clothes when you heard a van drive up the road.

It was a removal van. You really shouldn't have got your hopes up that it may have been Dean because you didn't want to feel your heart break when it turned out it wasn't him. You were curious so you looked out of the door way and sure enough getting out of a car that was parked on that familiar drive way was your (very good-looking) best friend, Dean.

You stood there staring. You couldn't believe it was him. He was back. He must have caught you staring because he shouted your name and was waving. You started waving too and called back to him before you walked up the road. Even though you were over-the-moon that he was back, you didn't want to seem too eager and run over to him. He ran down the road to meet me so you ran the rest of the way. He embraced you in a hug that you hadn't felt in what seemed like a lifetime. "So, I see you're back for good then", you said, whilst staring into those gorgeous green eyes that you remember so well. "Yeah," he replied. "My dad's contract ended so we decided to come back home since the house was only being rented out." "Well I'm glad you're back. I've missed you!” You wanted to say more but decided against it. “I've missed you too. You look different. Great even,” he told you. "Thanks. You look great too,” you replied fiddling awkwardly with the friendship bracelet he gave you all those years ago when you first became friends. He must have noticed because he said: "You still have it?" "Yeah why?" You replied thinking he didn't have his anymore but you looked down and sure enough that woven threaded blue, black and red bracelet was still there on his tanned, slender wrist. "I just thought you may have not kept it or lost it or something," he replied awkwardly. "Best friends forever remember?" You said laughing. "Of course I remember. I wouldn't forget the day I became friends with you!” He replied sticking his tongue out at you.

*Flashback* 6 years old

You were running down the road, eager to get home, when you suddenly tripped and went flying. You fell flat on you face and started crying when a boy around your age came up to you and held out his hand. "Let me take to you to my mummy to put bandages on you," he said kindly, with a smile on his face and concern in his bright, emerald green eyes. "Okay", you replied, still sniffling and wiping you eyes, and you took his hand. It felt nice, easy and comfortable, your hand in his.

After that you were inseparable. You did everything together. Go to school together, have lunch together, have sleepovers at each others houses (with parental supervision of course), go in his tree house, play on your trampoline, make funny videos and he never left your side.

One day when you came home from school, Dean was sat outside his house, waiting for you, crying. You rushed up to him and asked what was wrong. "My granddad died", he replied, shakily. You just held him whilst he cried into you shoulder. All too soon it was time for tea but Dean wanted you to stay. So after persuading his parents, you stayed with him. You didn't go to the funeral, much to Dean’s disappointment, which was a week later, but you promised him you would see him when he got back. When he got home, he rang your doorbell and you held him once again whilst he cried.

Some weeks later, you were playing out with him and his brother, Sam, and you were trying to ride their skateboard. You let go of the lamppost and went flying because the skateboard rolled down the hill too quickly. You started crying so Dean ran to get your mum whilst Sam was making ambulance sounds. You were still crying but laughing at Sam. Your mum came and took you inside and you sat on an ice pack because you now had a big bruise on your bum. Soon Dean called round to see how you were. You said you were fine and went back outside to watch the boys skateboard whilst you sat on the wall.

You were still best friends even though your went to different high schools and you still did stuff together like go to the movies, have sleepovers, do homework together and you were always round each others houses. Your friends at school were always asking why you weren't dating since they knew you liked him and you always told them either it was complicated or he only likes you as a friend or you don't want to ruin you friendship. They always replied with whatever, or chicken, or some other smart remark.

When you were 13, your whole world collapsed. You found out Dean that was leaving because his dad got a job in in another country. You were so upset the day he left that all of your friends came round and you all had a sleepover with movies, popcorn and lots of junk food. You found out a few months later from one of his friends from school that he would probably be coming back in 4 years time as that was how long his dad’s work contract was for. You were so happy as that would be the year you would be a senior and would get a whole new look that you would like and hopefully Dean would too.

*1 month before Dean returned* 17 years old

You sat in a hairdressers waiting anxiously for your new hair to finish colouring and drying. You were having it (Y/I/H) instead of (Y/H) that you hated. When it was finished it was gorgeous. You payed with your birthday money and turned around so your friends could see it. They screamed with excitement and shouted things like "it's gorgeous!" and "so you!” The next thing that you did was go get your skin sorted. You hated your skin. It was (Y/S). You went to a dermatologist in town to get your skin sorted. You payed and then left. You practically ran into the department store so you could get your eyebrows threaded and tinted to match your new hair. They, too, looked perfect. You then went to some clothes shops and you bought some really nice clothes that were really you. You also got some really cool shoes. As a thank you to you friends for helping, you bought everyone lunch and then went home. You put on a fashion show for your friends, showing them every single combination of the clothes you bought. They clapped and cheered and loved all of the clothes.

Everything was great. Your skin was great, your eyebrows were perfect, your clothes were awesome and most of all, you loved your new hair. It was so soft and shiny that you couldn't stop stroking it.

*Back to the present*

"So how have you been?" You asked curiously. "Okay I suppose. Kinda bored without you but otherwise okay. How about you?" He replied "Hmmm where to start? Well I missed you, haven't talked to my one of my other best friends in ages, all of my grandparents died, one year after each other, I’m becoming a senior at a new school so I’m leaving all my friends behind and I’m really nervous about it and errr yeah that's about it," you said kind of harshly. "Wow. I'm sorry," he said and gave you one of his loving hugs. "Would you like to come in?" You asked "Yeah. I'd love to," he replied as if there was another meaning in his words. "Make yourself at home," you said laughing as he raided my fridge, freezer and cupboards, then laughed even harder when he pulled out a bag of your favourite frozen mini pizzas. "What?" He asked defensively. “I haven't had them in ages!” He said, waiting impatiently for them to cook. You sat down cross-legged on the sofa, facing each other when he noticed the little drawing on your ankle. "Is that a tattoo?" He asked curiously. "No it's just a drawing. I thought you knew me! I hate needles remember," you said faking a hurt expression. He laughed, replying with "You never know you may have gotten over your fear. Who knows?" About 5 minutes later of silence and the pizzas were ready. He had cooked the whole bag so there was enough for both of you and some left over for him to take home. "So,” you said to break the silence. "Will you be going back to your old school since your back?" "No. I don’t think it was a great fit for me so I’ll be switching to another school,” he replied. "Where will you be going?" You asked, with a little hope that you would be going to the same school. “Hotchkins High”, he said "I went and had a look round whilst I was visiting last year and I really liked it. I think it will be a better fit for me", as he said all of this, you just stared at him, open mouthed. "What?" He questioned whilst you still stared at him. "You... you... your going to Hotchkins High?" You stuttered "Yeah. That's what I said. Why?" He said. "I... I'm going there too!" You practically screamed at him. "Oh my god! This is going to be great!" He shouted. You both started jumping up and down like little kids hugging each other. You sat back down and started to eat again. "So", he started. "Who is this lucky guy that has captured my best friend's heart?", he asked. "Huh?" You replied confused at what he was saying. "The letter 'D' on your ankle. It has to be someone you love or else you wouldn't have drawn it there with an 'x' (kiss) next to it because I heard it's one of the most painful places to have a tattoo", he replied. "Well that is for me to know and you to find out," you told him, sticking your tongue out at him and touching his nose with you index finger. A mischievous smile appeared on his lips. Oh those lips that you wanted to kiss so much. "Please tell me", he begged putting on that puppy-dog face he knew you couldn't resist. "Nope!", you simply said, popping the "p" and going back to focusing on your food and not that adorable face you couldn't resist. Then he did the thing that he knew would break you. He started whimpering like a little lost puppy. 'You mustn't give in', you told myself. 'If you do it might ruin your friendship' But that was getting harder and harder by the minute - second even. "Okay", you said, not giving in all the way though. "It's this boy I like." "I knew it!", he said as if he had cracked you. "Tell me everything!" He yelled at you like he was one of your friends from your old school eager for you to spill. It reminded you of the day you told your friends that you were in love with Dean. "Hello? Earth to (Y/N). Are you there? I want to know the details. NOW!" He yelled which made snap out of your daydream and come back to the present. "Oh sorry," you replied awkwardly. "Yeah anyway, I like this boy but I don't know if he likes me." "What? Who wouldn't like you? You're smart, funny, great to be around. Who is he? I need to know so that if he hurts you I can hurt him!" You started laughing. "What?", he said in that defensive tone. "Nothing. You just sound like an overprotective older brother," you replied still laughing. "Nah. More like the overprotective best friend", he said joining in with your laughter. You loved the sound of his laugh. It usually cheers you up if your down. "Well. Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to ask one of your other friends to tell me?" He asked, still curious. "Okay, okay. I'll tell you," you said looking straight into his gorgeous green eyes to show him that you was telling the truth. "Well go on then. Tell me", he said looking straight back at me into your eyes. As he looked at you, you thought you saw something in his eyes. Hope was it? Was he hoping that he was the lucky guy that you liked? Well love is more the correct term but he couldn't like you, could he? No. He liked you as a best friend and treated you almost as a younger sister, always looking out for you and protecting you if you fell or tripped like that first day. He couldn't like you as more than a best friend let alone love you more than a best friend or younger sister. Sometimes you wished he was your older brother, not just because he sometimes acted like one but because your wouldn't be in love with him and it would be easy. Just brotherly sisterly love and, even though you would probably argue a lot, you would also be best friends without having other feelings for each other. Dean started waving his hand in front of your face to see if you were still in the present because your must have had that blank expression on your face that you always have when you are deep in thought (mainly thinking about him). "Well," you started. You then reached for the ketchup at the same time as Dean and felt that little electric shock that you haven't felt in what seemed like forever. You both gasped and you heartbeat sped up. You were sure he could hear it but he didn't say anything. Dean took the ketchup then passed it over to you. He seemed careful as though he didn't want your hands to touch again. At that thought, you were sad. You must have had a sad expression on you face because Dean suddenly asked: "What's wrong?". There was so much concern filling his beautiful eyes which made you want to cry. You just replied with a simple: "Nothing". The house was quiet. Your parents were away visiting family and wouldn’t be back for a few days. The only sound was you heartbeats, you breathing and the boiler making that odd but familiar noise. "You still haven't told me about this guy. Are you avoiding telling me about him because you think I will be mad? Is it someone I know? Is it Sam?" He asked accusingly. "Sort of. Kind of. No", you answered. "Well then tell me about him. What is he like? What does he look like? Why do you like him? That kind of stuff.", he replied. "He is the kindest, most caring and loving guy I know and he is very good-looking", you said, smiling whilst looking at him. He had a sad expression on his face. Did he wish that you loved him? Which you did but he didn't know that. "Wh... What else?", he stuttered, still looking sad. You told him everything about himself but he didn't it was about him. "I... I...", you stuttered. "I love him." At that, his face dropped. You wanted to tell him but you were afraid. Afraid that your friendship wouldn't last any longer. But at that moment you had to tell him that the guy you loved, was him. When his expression dropped it looked as if he wanted to die right there and then. For the floor to open up and swallow him whole. "W...wh...", he stuttered, then took in a deep breath and said "What is his name?" This time you were the one who took in a deep breath and said: "Dean. Dean Winchester." You replied with a huge smile on you face which mirrored his facial expression. "(Y/N),", he said still smiling "I love you too. I have loved you for a long time maybe since the first day I met you. I didn't want to tell you in case you didn’t feel same and I didn't want to ruin our friendship." "I have always loved you maybe since the first day I met you too. I was always worried that you wouldn't love me back so I didn't tell you. My friends always told me that you did love me but I didn't believe them because I thought 'who would love me?' but obviously they were right and you love me," you told him still smiling. You looked into his eyes and saw nothing but love and compassion for you. You were in love and you loved it. It filled you to your core. You didn't know if your heart could take all of this love but it could and it did. You were then embraced into a hug. Not like one of your best friend hugs but a hug filled with love and compassion. You pulled apart and your eyes flickered between his eyes, which were filled with love, and his lips which you wanted to kiss. You noticed he was doing the same so you both leaned in for a kiss. It was slow, gentle and loving. It then got deeper and a little less gentle. Your hands slid into his hair and his went around you waist, sliding up your back. You gasped and Dean took this opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. It felt nice. It felt easy and right. It felt as though you belonged together as your mouths moulded together. Soon you broke apart, gasping and trying to catch your breath. You heard a noise by the door and looked to the door to find you friends there watching. They came over and enveloped you in a hug saying things like 'aww so cute', 'finally you guys are together' and 'I'm so happy for you'. They left shortly afterwards and you promised them they could come over later that night for a sleepover. You turned back to Dean and just smiled. "I love you so much, Dean", you said as he came over and hugged you. "I love you too, (Y/N)", he replied as he lent his cheek on your hair. You felt safe as you inhaled his familiar smell. It was so good, you couldn't describe it. You just sat on the sofa and just lay there in each others embrace. Soon after, Dean left to help put some boxes away but promised to be back tomorrow. You were alone for a while so you just lay on the couch, thinking about everything. A couple of hours later the doorbell rang and all your friends rushed in as soon as you opened the door. They bombarded you with questions so you got the popcorn out and started to answer them. They had their own sleeping bags so you just sat on them for a few hours whilst they asked you question after question and you just answered them willingly. "What number did you get up to?" One friend asked eagerly. "I'm not quite sure," you started. "It was a mixture of 4, 5 & 6. It was like in the movies with fireworks and stuff." "Wow!" They all gasped. "I know. It was so amazing I can't describe it!" You replied, remembering the moment of your very first kiss with the love of your life. You all just talked for ages, watched a few films, ate loads of food and then, around 3 in the morning, you fell asleep.

*4 years later*

You were 20 and still together with Dean. You were so deeply in love that your decided to get an apartment together. It was close enough to both of your parents so that you could go round whenever but far enough away so that you didn't have to see them all of the time - the ideal place. After you had left high school you both got jobs as neither of you wanted to go to college, at least not yet. You were working in advertising because Dean had a friend who was a manager of an advertising company so he gave you an interview and said you were right for the job. Dean was working as a chef as he was a brilliant cook and could cook anything you asked him to and it would be perfect. On the night of my 21st birthday, you had a night out with your friends from your old high school. You went to a club and got a bit drunk and fell asleep at one of their houses. You quickly drove home the next day as you were worried that Dean would be mad at you for being out all night. Luckily the friend whose house that you crashed at, called Dean and told him where you were, that you were safe and would be home in the morning. That night you had our own birthday celebration. He took you to a lovely restaurant in town for a romantic meal and then came home to have a glass or 2 of champagne and to give you your presents. One was a picture of the two of you, the day after you confessed your love to each other in a frame that said 'I will always love you'. The second was a beautiful heart necklace that said 'I love you, (Y/N)' in French. The last was the best present ever. It was a small box neatly wrapped and as you opened it, you found that the box was empty. He took you hand, lifted you off of the sofa and stood you up. Suddenly he was down on one knee in front of you. You gasped.

"(YFN). I promise to love you forever. Would you do me the extraordinary honour of marrying me?" he asked. Love and hope filled his deep, emerald eyes. "Yes," you said simply. He swooped you up into an enormous love filled hug.

*1 year later*

Today was the day that you would become Dean's wife. You had dreamt about this day for a long time and it has actually arrived. You sat in your friends' bathroom as your hair and make-up were done. You had still kept in touch with all of your close friends from high school and they were all here at your wedding. You had 4 bridesmaids because you just couldn't choose 2 out of you 4 best friends. Dean just said 'whatever makes you happy' so that wasn't a problem. All too soon your hair and make-up was done and it was time to put on the dress. It was a plain, simple, creamy-white dress which flowed to the floor with a simple, white vail that covered your beautiful (Y/H). Your make-up was natural but you could tell that you had some on, which was just the way that you liked it. Once your dress was on, everything sped up. You were suddenly at the church and the music had already begun whilst your bridesmaids were walking down the isle. All that was left was for the traditional wedding march to start playing and for your dad to walk you to your future. The march started and you were now walking through the church doors, down the isle and on your dad's arm. When you got to the front with Dean, your dad squeezed your hand and put it into Dean's. Suddenly the church doors flew open and there stood your best friend from many years ago. 'I couldn't miss it' she mouthed at you and you smiled back as she sat down. The priest said his words. Dean repeated them and said 'I do'. The priest said his words again and you repeated them and said 'I do'. You did the giving and receiving of the rings and the priest finished with: "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." With that Dean lifted your vail and kissed you with as much love as our first kiss. Your family and friends erupted with a loud applause and you walked back down the isle the other way holding hands as you were showered by confetti. You got into the car that would take you to the reception and kissed passionately. "I love you", you told him once again. "I love you too", he replied. There were many people at the reception. People congratulated you and you went to find your friends to show them your wedding ring while Dean went to find his brother and friends. Your friends gushed over the ring and told you that they were very happy for you. You found your best friend in a corner talking to one of Dean's good friends. "Thank you for coming", you told her. "I couldn't miss my best friend’s wedding to the guy she has been in love with for years," she replied, laughing. You joined in with the laughter. You then cut the cake and everyone dug into the delicious buffet. You opened a bottle of champagne and had a few glasses whilst you went around chatting to people again. You had your first dance together as husband and wife and it was magical. You also had a dance with your dad, which was more of just stepping side to side than anything else really. You danced with all of you friends whilst Dean ‘danced’ with his. Your best friend was back in a corner talking to Dean's friend from earlier. You walked up to Dean and said: "Hey they might be next" pointing at the two in the corner. Just before you left for your honeymoon, you threw the bouquet right into your best friend’s surprised hands. You winked at her and left but not before saying goodbye to everyone.

*9 months later*

You couldn't believe your luck. You were a virgin and the first time you had sex you got pregnant! With twins! All of yours and Dean’s friends along with his brother would be godparents because neither of you could decide who to pick You were in the kitchen eating some fruit when suddenly you heard a splash. "Dean!" you cried. He came rushing in. "What is it, (Y/N)?" he asked, worriedly. "My waters have just broken", you said smiling. Dean got your hospital bag from the lounge and you got into the car and zoomed away. On the way you rang both of your families and friends to tell them it was time. They met you at the hospital and time started passing so slowly.

*14 hours later*

14 hours later, and with your mum and Dean by your side the whole time, you had your two precious babies. Everyone came in to see them but left so you could rest. When you woke up, Dean was asleep in the chair next to you. He looked so peaceful but then woke up confused. "Hi," you said smiling at him. "Hello my beautiful wife," he replied. The nurse came in and asked if you wanted to try breast feeding. You gave it a go and it felt weird but also wonderful. Both babies did it without any fuss. "Have you thought of any names yet?" the nurse asked. "Yes", you replied looking at Dean. "I want to name the boy baby John after your dad, Dean." "He will be over the moon about that", he replied. "What about the girl baby?" she asked. "Yes," Dean replied looking at your. "I want to name her (Y/M/N) after your mum." "She will love that", you told him. Later everyone came in eager to know the names of the babies. "John", you said, turning to Dean’s dad. "Meet your grandson, John." He started crying and hugged all 4 of you and thanked you for the name. "Mum", you said, turning to your mum. "Meet you granddaughter, (Y/M/N)." She too started crying, hugged all 4 of you and again thanked you for the name. Everyone had turns holding the twins but all too soon visiting hours were over although Dean was allowed to stay.

*2 days later*

You were home at last and just getting the twins up when Dean walked through the bedroom door, smiling. "Hello gorgeous," he said to all 3 of you. "Hello," you replied, kissing him softly. You all went downstairs so you could feed the twins. When they were full, you all sat on the sofa cuddling and slowly falling asleep. "I love you," you whispered. "I love you too," Dean replied whilst kissing all 3 of you. Then you kissed him and the twins as well. You had never been so happy in your entire life than right at that moment. You were loved by the man you had loved your entire life. And that, as they say, is history...

1 note · View note