#so tell me why these ones don’t fit

[ratskool]

I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it

#House of leaves #im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go #Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious #I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections #Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it #Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything #People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in #Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join #Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger #Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing? #Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know? #The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad #Not seeing them everyday #I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary #I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not #Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that #Maybe I’m just not worth it.

[the-ragbros-are-okay]

i actually feel as though i am going insane bc i need to do TOMORROWS commissions to get the last story key for kaeya’s story quest because i was an IDIOT and and DIDNT

and now i feel like i’m full of BEES

PLUS. IM GOING ON A TRIP.TOMORROW

so i’m waking up early and doing my commissions and then a story quest bc i’ll be damned if i have to wait three more fucking days to see my favorite traumatized blue haired man

#my sister saw me yesterday when his story quest came out #and i realized i didn’t have enough keys #and i was fucking FUMING #and she was like “(name) you need to calm down” and i was like #“oh im SO FUCKING CALM RN you don’t even KNOW” while grinding my teeth and doing my commissions #i’m actually so upset why tf did i just ASSUME i would have enough story keys #i’m inconsolable #if i get spoilers i’m gonna be putting Diluc In Snezhnaya as the first thing on my kin list (that doesn’t exist) #but at the same time. i want to know so bad #my sister and i were arriving back at home and i was telling her how ME of all people is gonna wake up early #and do my commissions and the quests #and she was like “yeah i was on the hoyolab website earlier and saw a screenshot that i thought you might like” #and i was like “hokyfuckisng SHIT did it. okay answer me one questions. did he talk about—“ #“yes he said The D Word” and i literally said YIPPEE and jumped for joy #we were arriving home at the time and i fucking. skipped across our driveway #and i’ve been in a haze ever since #i feel like i’m. like my blood has been replaced by pure electrolytes. and like im #gonna explode if i don’t DO SOMETHING to occupy my time #was doing my commissions earlier and kaeya’s always on my team (ofc) but i heard one of his idle lines and i #went into such a fit of despair bc it reminded me of how i couldn’t do his story quest yet #DUE TO MY OWN DUMBASS CHOICES #that i. had to take him off my team for the day #AND THEN TWO KF MY COMMISSIONS WERE RIGHT BY DAWN WINERY #LIKE. GENSHIN JS REALKY FUCKING ME OVER HUH #why don’t they just spit in my face and stomp me into the ground i think it would feel better than THIS

[mizukiko-kun]

Productions of Hamlet where Hamlet downs Horatio’s poisoned wine himself, my beloved. Drinking the poison meant for your best friend to save their life must have felt so intimate…

#bonus points if horatio realises how decisive hamlet is being and just watches him do it with a very broken-hearted look on his face #i prefer that to the struggling and very visibly sobbing horatio. he’s more suited for silent tears. to me. #the rational stoic guy breaks down on the inside and you can see it #ALRIGHT ILL CONFESS that’s just my fav production of hamlet #it’s a musical and it’s in japanese so i don’t think the shakespeare girlies know about it but one day ill write up a post #and in that post ill be so obsessed with it. as i constantly am. #hamlet #also hamlet drinking the poisoned wine also means to me that he gets to kill himself even if he’s going to die from the poisoned blade first #and that makes him as many times killed as claudius. i haven’t thought deep enough about this part #on the other hand it also enables him to die for the purpose of saving someone instead of the purpose of avenging the already dead #(if someone’s trying to produce hamlet with the main message being it’s better to die to save someone than to die for revenge #this would be the chance) #(although why on earth would you want to undermine hamlet’s grief… don’t make his entire story pointless c’mon #if anyone has a better way to fit this point into the story than i do pls tell me) #the amount of times i think about the final scene of hamlet is just the amount of times normal teenage girls do the ending of r&j i guess #also look at this bitch describing what happens in hamlet like it's a real historical event

[bennettvaldez]

leo “make me love myself so that i might love you” valdez and jason “don’t make me a liar ‘cause i swear to god when i said it i thought it was true” grace

#they make me so sad it’s unreal #this entire song just fits them so well #like. y’all. #‘there’s really just one thing that we’re have in common neither of us will be missed’ #literally them. leo didn’t think anyone would miss him when he died which is probably why he was just willing to do it and why he thought #he was doing the best thing for his friends by not telling them. #jason… i haven’t read his death scene but from what i know #of the jason in my head #his and leo’s self worth is entirely based on how useful they are to other people #and both of them felt useless and worthless so again. no reason for anyone to miss them right? #and then ‘you always said how you loved dogs i don’t know if i count but #i’m trying my best when i’m howling and barking these songs’ #literally jason hoping he’ll be good enough for leo and not believing it #even though leo tells him all the time AND GAVE HIS LIFE FOR JASON TOO #MY CRINGEFAIL GAY LOSERS I LOVE THEM #valgrace #leo valdez #jason grace

[pawtistictails]

I was in the shower thinking about @caffeine-clouds fic when the song popped into my head and put me in a chokehold; I couldn’t even read the next part until this was done. It’s even funnier because when I looked up the lyrics it turns out this is a One Direction song (relevant to the fic in terms of funnies).

(Sorry about the placement of words on that second part I didn’t realize where the tree was overlapping until it was too late)

[ID: Three panels of a lyric comic on a blank sketchbook page. The first panel is of Shadow the Hedgehog's reflection as he stares at the mirror, confused. He’s wearing a loose, long sleeved white shirt, a black corset, small gold earrings, and sparkly red eyeshadow. The lyrics are written in metallic purple: “Everything that you’ve ever dreamed of/ Disappearing when you wake up”

The next two panels are of a scene in a park, where Sonic and Shadow were dancing. There’s a shaded tree on the left, and in the upper-right a fountain. In the middle, a wide winding brown path. The first panel, where two tiny figures are dancing in the middle of the path, is shaded with red-violet and reads, “Does it ever drive you crazy,” while the second panel follows with “Just how fast the night changes?” and is shaded with a much more blue-violet as Shadow stalks away from Sonic. Sonic’s eyes are intentionally scribbled out and he stands with his hand behind his head as he looks away from Shadow. End ID]

#shadow the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog #my art #the sketch for this was pretty good but i think i messed up the color a little oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #the id was too long for alt so i put it at the bottom #drives me nuts actually bc so many of the lyrics fit the fic but i don’t have the inspiration for all of them i WISH #also it’s hard to tell but i DID try to smudge the eyeshadow on his right eye bc that’s where i figure he was sleeping #i did try to fix the second panel lyrics bc i hate that it doesn’t show well n didn’t mean to do that #but the best i got was that it shows up in direct light bc i tried to cover it in silver #only works so well #medium: colored pencil #mostly. there’s a bit of gel pen and highlighter in the first panel #anyway. IM FREE NOW I CAN GO READ THE NEXT PART #trying so hard not to be nervous bc i don’t post my art often and for some reason it’s scarier than usual with this one idk why

[oglegoggle]

Went to nonbinary support group earlier this evening. A fun and silly question was asked, “What’s your non-traditional gender?”. The person asking described their gender as some cigarette butts floating in a gross puddle, another person describing themself as a cigarette butt with lipstick stains on it, my love described themself as a bunny rabbit, and when it came around for me to answer I said I’m a dirty hippy. The person asking then spent ten minutes going off on me about how #problematic hippy culture is, ignoring multiple bids from me to say yeah there are things wrong with it I know full well but they did not relent, eventually remarking that punks look mean but are actually nice and hippies look nice but are actually mean and telling me my gender is pretty much folk punk anyway?? My love stopped the convo by asking the others in the group who didn’t get a chance to answer to do so but the vibe was not great after. This is such a strange and petty encounter but something about it still rubbed me the wrong way in such a way that continues to linger in my mind. What the fuck?

#this is goggles #me sitting there in my purple tie dye breezy skirt and multiple pieces of ☮️ jewelry #😐 #like comrade I know full well that hippy culture is rife with weird appropriation #but there’s a certain irony about derailing a group discussion to tell me all the reasons why my aesthetic is shit #and then turn around and say people of your aesthetic are nice and mine aren’t??? #like I know full well that the people around this community really don’t like hippies #I’m certain in part because of a specific hippy who used to go to these support group meetings until they started threatening people #but like holy fuck????? #second time somebody who frequents queer hangouts has been fucking weird to me about being a hippy #I miss my burning man friends #I miss being a dirty hippy with other dirty hippies #they are…. a lot different while still being just as gnc #more open towards older folks and more masc presentation of gender fuckery #It’s always been hard for me to integrate with social groups #but the burning man community is one I immediately fit into with absolute love and belonging #I won’t pretend it’s perfect by any means but it is forgiving with imperfection #I miss it I haven’t been to a Burn in a couple of years now #I want to go get fucked up in the woods with a bunch of weirdos and artists again #I want to go back to the farm where I work up in Washington already #I can’t sleep and I wish I were back in my cozy little van #I wish I had the comfort of being somewhere I feel like I belong again #I hate city living so much

[bo0zey]

when gerard way said “when i grow up i want to be nothing at all” i felt those words in my gdamn soul bro

#cried alone in my car parked in my driveway for like 17 minutes #i feel so hopeless and useless and stupid so so so stupid i’ll never be smart enough like the other nurses #i can’t fucking think im too slow i don’t know anything #it’s the emergency room and god for fucking bid i have an emergent patient i don’t know wtf to do ever #i don’t know how to initiate protocols or contact interdisciplinary or put in complex orders i don’t know anything i’m so useless #everyone thinks i’m stupid i’ve been on orientation for like 2 months know and i’m still the same useless stupid novice airhead new grad #i just get so frazzled i feel like everyone expects so much out of me and i have to be perfect to meet their standards #but im stupid im subpar im not good enough like them like #ever if they’ve been nurses for years and i’ve only been working as one for legit 2 months it’s just i still don’t know how to do anything #it’s like i can’t think i don’t do things how they want me to do them and then i look stupid im the attending doctor thinks i’m so dumb but #she wouldn’t even hear me out like i know you want both fluids running i know it’s important but he only has.1 IV and they aren’t compatible #we’re trying to start a second IV and he had difficult veins like why are you trying to tell me i’m stupid i know why you ordered it thatway #it’s like nobody gets my dumbass brain but that’s not their fault bc they can think clearly and convey their thoughts to people without #sounding like a fucking dumbass i have no critical thinking skills im just useless i hate this so much i don’t want to be here it sucks #i never wanted to be a nurse i never wanted to be anything i was 12 years old hoping i’d be dead by 18 #and now i’m 23 and i’m still fucking here but it’s clear i shouldn’t be i don’t fit in im not fit for society #i should be euthanized like an unwanted dog that’s been at the shelter for too long that’s exactly what i am #20min later still crying can’t stop being a fucking crybaby pitypartying myself i’m the worst oh my god grow the fuck up already #why is everything so difficult for me why can’t i just fit in literally everyone knows i don’t belong #i’m the dumbest most useless new grad orientee and EVERYONE knows it even management it’s so embarrassing #i’m so embarrassed to be alive and take up space that could be filled by someone so much better smarter prepared someone meant to be there #i don’t want this i don’t want any of this i never wanted to grow up im just a kid in my head i’m so pathetic #i wish i was smart and good at something i wish people looked at me and thought o wow i respect her bc she’s also a good nurse #nobody likes me i’m such a burden to everyone the doctors my preceptors other nurses who deserve to be there #i’m leaking snot everywhere today wasn’t even that bad but i think it’s all just hitting me now how helpless i am #i’m so tired of myself and waking up and making a fool of myself every shift fucking stupid loser i hate myself i try so hard and it’s not #it’s not enough it’s never enough im not enough im an imposter i’ll never be as good as the other nurses even tho i’m really really trying #i seriously don’t want to do this anymore i don’t want to be here i can’t do it everyone knows i’m not cut out for this they all talk shit #ramblings

[pinkspiraling]

i hate my septum piercing :/

#not like the piercing itself but the jewelry and it’s crooked lmao #i picked jewelry with a little gem…idk why…it’s a snug fit so you don’t see the ring just the gem and the gem catches the light too much #i don’t like attention being brought to my face so i think i’d like a normal ring but i fucking hate this one #and no one at work said anything which made me feel really awkward #and i could tell that the one girl who did comment on it hated the jewelry too. i fucking hate myself more than ever #pink never shuts up

[munamania]

this post had to turn off reblogs and stuff bc of all the people calling this biphobic. we’re literally in the worst timeline

#let’s talk thru that thought shall we. when we’re speaking of a phobia in terms of oppression that means one group must hold power #over another in ways that are reinforced by institutions. correct? so the way bi ppl experience oppression Is through homosexuality #but let’s ignore that. truly. let’s not even go there #if we’re speaking of biphobia as the phenomenon of not believing or manipulating someone’s identity to fit some gross opinion you have of #them and bigoted ideas ppl have. if we’re speaking of invalidation #WHERE does it say bi women. and also. how much power does a post like this for real have over your life and emotions #are we seriously not allowed to make fun of lame ass boyfriends. you all suck #ppl got fucking weird in the notes too like i hope you can physically feel these two fucking each other relentlessly #girl go outside. over two not real specified people in a tumblr post. good lord… #abby talks #i complain abt this bc i feel like we need to be serious. look at the shit going on in the world and tell me why we need genuine infighting #we don’t have time for that. peoples lives are at risk. jesus christ.

[1800bugaboo]

Every time I get addicted to twitter again I’m reminded why I left in the first place

#Tell me why #niggas on atsv twitter are pressed asf #Over people saying they want spider byte and Miles to be together #LMDOAOAOAOAO #like a black creator literally got sent a picture of a black man hanging on a tree because they said they prefer seeing Miles with a black #Or poc woman. #Like are you fucking nuts? #First off all #It’s valid #like yeah that’s valid to want more black couples instead of interracial ones bc we don’t see a lot of black couples in the media as we #Should. #Like no offense but I’m tired of the interracial couples #Second of all #why are you so pressed over this? Like why are you so heated? #Niggas on twitter be like: these bitches are so sensitive #Then throw a fit over a ship and making it a big deal. #They saying shit like #“Oh you guys hate seeing a interracial couple” #“You guys only ship her with him because she’s black” #BROOOOOOO #WHY ARE YOU SO MAD #Like dudes on twitter are such bums fr

[goldensunset]

as an underclassman early morning classes and boring classes were what i detested and feared most of all. now it’s difficult classes and evening classes. my evening class last semester actively made me want to become the joker with how disruptive it was to my schedule. i sure would have never wanted to switch into a 9am yawnnnn history lecture class but at this point that sounds like a dream compared to all the tons of active work outside of class with every single professor trying to scare us to death on the first day. i would rather wake up early every day than suffer the hell that i’m currently slated for. last semester brutalized me so badly it’s not even funny i can’t do the same workload again yet worse i need a relative mental break. i do not have that dog in me. i will be going to my advisor screaming and crying tomorrow asking her to make some changes

#like i will take almost anything i can get into at this point #if it fits into my schedule contributes to my actual credit requirements and does not actively make me upset #sounds perfect #and like i am a night owl. it is known i am a night owl #but i can suffer the pain of waking up early for the greater good #i cannot suffer the pain of multiple classes at once in which the professor acts like we don’t have other work to do #like genuinely the workload hasn’t even started yet this semester we’ve had one day of each class so far #and i am like already in absolute dread and depression. just from how they’re making me feel right off the bat #i need out #i need to fix this i thought it would be ok back in november but i don’t know if the pain of last semester really sunk in until afterwards #during winter break i was like oh yay break :] #now that i’m back at school i’m like Huh. so there’s something i never actually recovered from i guess #like now that i’m here i’m like you’re telling me .. i have to do it again. even worse. #and like i was off for 3.5 weeks. but now i understand no amount of time would have ever been enough to prepare me for this #i don’t care if it means i have more work later i’m ahead on credits #this course i wanna drop isn’t strictly required anyway so like. #why kill myself. especially now of all times #sounds like a problem for a future me who isn’t having a mental episode #peach rambles

[zaddyazula]

something i think some people don’t understand is that everyone has different things that happen to them in their life!!! just because something isn’t emotional to you doesn’t mean you should try and tell people who did find it emotional it’s not!!!! people have lived beyond who you know in person!!!!!

#i saw a barbie post and it reminded me of this #like this is so fucking simple and some people do not get it #i bawled my eyes out at the end of the barbie movie because it took me back when i was younger and i really connected with it #but my friends (who i went to see it with) didn’t cry at it or find it emotional and have since tried to convince me it wasn’t sad #you don’t know why i cried at it!! you don’t get it! #and when i try to tell them “you don’t get it because we’ve had different lives” they say there’s nothing to get because it’s not sad #they don’t get it because they haven’t had my particular experience - the same way i haven’t had theirs #i don’t know how difficult it is to not discredit someone’s emotions but it can’t be that hard #the barbie movie is really important and special to me as someone who struggles with identity #my friends don’t know this so i can’t blame them for that but the point still stands #the age old thing you are taught when you are literally a young child is that you don’t know what people are going through so be respectful #but they and other people don’t seem to understand that despite being well older than a young child #you have no idea why i find it sad. let me find it sad and move on with your life. #particularly two of them seem to try and cement this point that the film and the billie eilish song (which i literally cannot listen to) #aren’t sad #it really does irritate me because any possibility i get to say something’s sadness can be entirely subjective in some cases i am dismissed #these people are girls. they played with barbies. and still i can bet every one of us associates different things to when they played with #barbies. they do not get that. #i can’t really describe my relationship with the barbie movie properly and maybe it’s just me having a fit about it but it is so so persona #to me. #sorry for the rant. #barbie movie #barbie 2023 #zad talks

[ghoul--doodle]

I love winning!!

I’ll dump the full story in the tags

#art tag #just over a year ago my nanna offered me this leather jacket she’s had for ages- she’s been unable to get rid of it so #she asked me to try it on. I did! and I loved it!! it was comfy and it had enough room to layer up if it got cold- but it wasn’t oversized #i said I wanted the jacket and my dad agreed it looked good but nanna being herself thought it was too big on me despite me insisting it’s- #fine and comfortable. I don’t take clothes that don’t fit me. if it was too big I would’ve said so. either way she wouldn’t let me take #the jacket home and she shoves it in her wardrobe and insists that she’s going to get it adjusted for me and she’ll let me know when it’s- #done. yeah she didn’t do that. what she DID do was wait until I forgot about it. #fast foward a few years and my family in canada can finally afford to visit (safely) #my cousins come too! my older cousin and 3 younger ones #we had a great time! they stay for roughly 3 weeks and fast forward again to when they’re getting ready to leave #my older cousin is packing her bag and she asks me to find a shirt from her bag while she sorts her makeup out- she wanted the shirt for #travel the next day! so I sort out the top she wants and I notice a leather jacket in her bag! and we start talking about it offhandedly #I don’t recognise it as the same jacket at first we’re sorta just talking about it and she mentions she didn’t even want the jacket in the #first place. she was just taking it from nanna to be polite- it did fit her fine (she’s the same size as me believe it or not) but it’s not #her style at all. she’s got very feminine pretty clothes. lots of crop tops and jeans and skirts. the jacket doesn’t really fit that #so! she says ‘hey why don’t you try it? if you like it you can have it!’ so I do! and it dawns on me. this is the SAME jacket #that my nanna offered me from before. and it clicks that she was trying to get rid of it without me knowing about it. and i tell my cousin! #she was pissed off on my behalf and helped me hide the jacket in a bag so I could take it home without nanna knowing #a few days later my family are back off to Canada! #a few weeks later I come around to nanna’s house wearing the jacket and she is royally pissed to say the least #I personally was ecstatic #it is 100% mine now so she can’t do shit anymore and I will wear it like a badge of honour because I’m petty like that #I love my cousins so fucking much actually. we’re all in mutual agreement that nanna is horrible #a lot happened on their trip but this is one of my favourite things

[vanivanvanilla]

among us lifesteal au (explodes)

idk if i’ll do anything with this but i really like the idea of it 👍 here’s what i have atm

spoke: imposter (idk if he’d have a specific role yet)

mapicc: imposter & linked with ro

ro: crewmate & linked with mapicc

leo: the executioner

ash: the glitch

cube: the engineer

zam: the detective

clown: the jackal (no sidekick)

jaron: the jester

bacon: the swapper

planet: the shifter (maybe)

rek: crewmate with flash modifier

mid: altruist

clutch: crewmate with button barry modifier

red: crewmate (not sure if he’d have any modifiers)

#van speaks #i really like the thought process for a lot of these #like mapicc & ro have the lovers role (although im hesitant to call it that since i don’t want ppl taking it the wrong way) #but if you’re unfamiliar w modded among us basically they’re linked & if one dies they both die at the same time #so nothing romantic 👍 #leo’s the executioner and his target would be red (s3 ref woghh) #<- also why i made mid altruist; leo gets killed by one of the imposters and mid finds his body & revives him only for leo to go after red #which isn’t exactly what happened in s3 but the imposters r the bad guys yknow #detective zam bc ofc yayyy #clown’s the jackal which is a neutral role but works by themselves #and can kill anyone #u can’t tell me that jaron wouldn’t love being the jester #he’s such a little shit /aff please get this guy in a modded among us lobby and get him to be jester #i think bacon would fit swapper well since he’d want to switch people’s votes around either bc he thinks they’re wrong or j to be silly #rek w the flash modifier helps him escape situations faster #i feel like clutch would try to abuse the shit out of button barry to the point everyone gets pissed and votes him off #red would have to be a crewmate since he’s leo’s target but idk if he’d have a modifier #if anyone has any suggestions 4 this i’d love 2 hear them <3 #or if there’s any questions abt the roles i feel like i know them decently well <- has watched too much among us

[the-trans-dragon]

It’s fucking annoying that upper management won’t let me off light duty, but being forbidden to do my old duties and being scolded for doing any extra work sure has forced me to stop being a hardworking dedicated diligent employee.

Yesterday I made a cute little paper chain, using long strips I cut from a torn paper bag, and using some techniques I invented to hold it together without any additional materials (I’m sure my techniques are old and very simple compared to more advanced stuff, but I’m having so much fun trying to reinvent things purely by experimenting around). I threw it away in a specific place to guarantee it won’t be seen by The Manager Who Deadpan Threatens To Kill Me For Small Mistakes I Make Because I Wasn’t Ever Trained For This Job Position.

This morning I was getting ready for work and my chronic illness flared up, and I was in so much pain that I couldn’t stop my throat from trying to scream. Normally I just ignore it and go to work, even though it means risking my health and creating a small but serious possibility of ending up in emergency surgery, but today? I called in sick.

I should write my manager a thank you letter. “Thank you for saying you’d kill me if I ran out of quarters again. And for always assuring me that I’m doing everything wrong. It’s good to know I’ll never be adequate for you, because I’m finally learning to prioritize myself over everything else. I still get scolded for it, but at least I benefit from caring about myself, unlike when I care about my job and put all of my effort into doing as much work as possible.

And thank you for teaching me how to ignore the opinions of others. I never did figure out how to handle being treated worthless—I always stood up for myself, even when it meant risking my life. But I finally figured out how to say “Yes” and “Okay.” The trick is: I don’t have to mean it, just say it. It’s okay to lie to people. You taught me that if have to pick between arguing and lying, I should just lie. You always think I’m lying anyways, so I know you don’t believe it, but I guess it imitates respect enough to be satisfactory.

I realize this lesson is one that many people learn during childhood, so I hope you’ll forgive me for not knowing it in advance. Thank you for the miraculous opportunity to make up for my messy childhood.”

#sorenhoots #I’m dying #the most frustrating thing is that I have done the work necessary to understand her logic and her reasoning and to understand why she is #correct according to her logic. and I agree! she is using logic that makes her life much easier and more efficient. it’s even #something I think is smart and that I respect and that I want to change my behavior to fit with #but it takes SO MUCH effort to do that. and I can’t do it with EVERYTHING she says because half the time I don’t even know what she’s saying #telling me I’m not allowed to use the computer and then getting mad that I called for a manager instead of using the computer #I’m not allowed to ask for help but I’m not allowed to help myself. #I’m not allowed to open MSpaint while I clean lotion off the touchscreen but I’m not allowed to disable the touchscreen to clean it. #‘​you’re not allowed to look things up in the computer’ one day but the next day it’s ‘why didn’t you just look it up?’ #‘you should know what products we have’ but also ‘you can’t be in the isles on breaks. #you have to be in the break room.’ girl what. #and I am LEARNING that there isn’t a way to be a good employee for her. which I hate because I want to be good. even at silly tasks like #work. and I love following arbitrary rules even! I do nuzlocke because it’s fun to make things harder for myself for no reason. #but I can’t even do that—there isn’t a way to follow contradictory rules and I can’t keep feeling bad for that #the lesson is: just say Okay. if you want to keep doing it then learn to do it sneaky. if it’s not worth it then find something else to do. #but my brain isn’t wired for that. my brain wants to solve it like a puzzle. I want to learn and grow. but this isn’t the place to grow. #no growing allowed. youre expected to learn but you can’t learn invalid lessons that contradict each other. you’re just supposed to learn to #SEEM like you learned. you’re not allowed to ask for help or clarification. that’s disrespectful. #she is easy to respect. she’s easy to need. she does so much to make our lives better and safer. but she also just fucking #lashes. the lesson is: step away from the person lashing out. you can’t become worthy. #I am still learning the lesson.

[pebblezone]

Feeling like a Yuma morii Pokémon card

#talkingcore #got my little book prize and tell me why books are heavy I was surprised with the hellsing manga and now this why are books heavy #don’t get me wrong it’s cool but this thing barely fit into my backpack twas intimidating #oh yeah so excited for next week when everything goes to shit! yay strikes! not good that they have to be striking #but no discussion sections means more brain silly time. we love brain silly time :) #also every day I get more pissed about March madness I am not emotionally invested in basketball but they’re letting the wrong teams win #like last night I’m sorry but you let Michigan state get fucked so another willie the wildcat could win??? fuck Kansas state #msu has like one of the only bearable mascots in the big10 and you let them lose? in overtime too??? #Xavier’s still in though I’m holding out for Xavier I love the blue blob I love stupid looking mascots #Western Kentucky? W. Syracuse? W. Pepperdine? W. Mizzou? W. Ohio State? MASSIVE W. #okay like Akron? they got zippy!! he looks a lil stupid but where else do you have a kangaroo!!! #either you’re intimidating ugly cute or silly like I think Arizona state is intimidating silly because it has a sleek sharp design #but also the dude looks a lil dumb #or like penn state is just ugly but berkeley is ugly cute (actually I really don’t like oski but other people do so I shall be less hostile) #and like all those blobs? Xavier western Kentucky Syracuse? cute silly!! #I need to do my little charts again because I got distracted at like Arkansas and frankly a lot of my knowledge is limited geographically #like my state and where I’m at school I’m pretty good with as well as places I know people have gone #but like not many people where I’m at are going to say Tennessee so I’m not as familiar with a bunch of schools there #which I need to fix because there must be so many epic mascots there that I’m clueless about!!! #okay some states like Wyoming I know have like Two Colleges so it’s easier to know things there but like Mississippi? no clue what’s there!!