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weebsinstash · 30 days

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Now don't get me wrong, I like how... calm and unbothered Alastor is, or at least tries to pass himself off as being

but like.... we know he's a drinker.... and we know certain details about him having an alcoholic abusive father who was cruel to his mother which heavily influenced his whole Dexter serial killer morality bs... and I can't help but think of a fic idea where Reader and Alastor are together and, suddenly without warning you break up with him BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON HIM. you're like, legitimately heartbroken and missing him but you broke up for a good reason and, time passes and you dont see or hear from him, you're basically just going on with your life, and, MEANWHILE HE'S JUST SLOWLY DEVOLVING IN A PATHETIC LITTLE MEOW MEOW

His radio show comes on and he's SLURRING and people are aghast. Alastor is usually such a classy gentleman, so careful with his image??? Meanwhile he's in his radio station with several glasses of whiskey and staring at a wall lined with your photos while he's broadcasting, "ohhhh hEeeEy LiSteNers!! How-how are you all doing this.... 😡LOVELY😤 evening. Isnt..... isn't it... so nice to... spend time with loved ones when you need them? 🥴 WELL I WOULDNT KNOW HA HAH HA" *cue 30 straight uninterrupted seconds of unhinged laughing from a man clearly having an emotional crisis* "so on tonightsssshow I was-i wasszzz hoping to-to discussss-"

Like imagine tuning into his show after avoiding it because it broke your heart and it turns from him like, having an actual topic and planned structure of his show, to then, one day you overhear a broadcast and he's just occasionally slurring, saying really really vague shit about how "real men are supposed to be strong enough to protect and hold onto those they hold dear" and you can occasionally hear the THUNK of his whiskey glass hitting the table meaning he's already drunk but still drinking WHILE broadcasting and, oh honey you already sound so wasted you don't need more--

You guys don't understand. I want this man having a very PUBLIC very MESSY mental breakdown because he was CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU and you sat him down and told him you love him deeply but you need sex and you've cheated on him REPEATEDLY and EVEN THEN he was HARDCORE COPING, "w well as long as you promise it won't happen again-" "I cant and i won't. I love you but i cant repress this part of myself" LIKE YOU DECIMATE THIS MAN. Alastor's just beside himself because like, not without valid feelings but you're basically dumping him to fuck strangers. Like. I just. What if he literally had a ring box or was starting to realize he's demisexual on the ace spectrum and was starting to have Those Feelings for you and you're just. Breaking up with him, and all he hears is "sorry but having these disgusting men I don't even know hunch over on me grunting like disgusting animals and defiling me who is definitely way too good for them is way better than being with you my respectful funny classy charming totally-not-husband"

I want you to be walking down the streets of Hell and Vox suddenly comes on their equivalent of a jumbotron and he's visibly beside himself with excitement, "BREAKING NEWS, THE RADIO DEMON IS PISS DRUNK IN THE GUTTER LIKE A FUCKING LOSER, MORE NEWS ON THE SCENE" and it just snap cuts to him facedown in the street somewhere. Have you ever seen Intervention. You can have grown ass adults with successful careers and loving communities and when they find something that breaks them you'll be seeing shit like, children finding their mothers literally passed out in the yard because they were too drunk to get into the house or even WALK properly. So. You just. See him in this legitimately pathetic absolutely humiliating state and you can't help but feel that that's YOUR fault, meanwhile Vox is living his best fucking life, GOD FORBID VOX SEES YOU STANDING THERE CRYING ON THE SIDEWALK, he's then broadcasting your crying face all over Hell, "Hey Alastor even your EX is CRYING AT HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE, GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY LEFT YOU HUH" and like. The live feed of Alastor shows him just, struggling to even lift his head to look up to, wherever, and see your image there, looking absolutely devastated, looking at him with pity and heartbreak. oh, his sweet beloved, looking so distressed because you see him so weak...

Vox is just living it up mocking both of you but he's made several enormous mistakes by putting you on the air, especially looking like THAT, especially with Alastor in this mental state, and ESPECIALLY to mock you when you're already looking so broken. The feed cuts. All the TVs read "LOST SIGNAL" and nothing comes back on the news for the rest of the night. Less than a week later, the radios are on again, and Alastor sounds... completely back to normal? Chipper, even? And at first you're happy to hear he's all good and well, but, there's something about some of the things he's saying that are making you a little.... nervous?

"You know folks, it took me an EMBARRASSINGLY long while to realize that, a true traditional man puts the needs of others above himself, and especially the needs of his special somebody! One can't truly care for one's loved one properly if you're too boggled down with, FEELING SORRY for yourself right? How else are you going to... defend what's yours if you just lie down and take it?"

"So while I was off the air, good listeners, I was doing quite a bit of, spring cleaning, let's call it! Yes, I was... unfortunately very busy, having to wrangle up quite a few.... disgusting, insignificant, dirty, thieving PERVERTS!!!! ....but now that that's all good and done with, I'd certainly like to think these streets are a little more... respectable!"

"To end the broadcast tonight, a final word to all my fellow men out there. If you happen to discover that, for whatever reason, your beloved has run off with another? It was because you deserved it for being WEAK. You allowed another man to just, COME IN and... DESECRATE what is precious to you? Disgraceful. Pathetic. Ill-mannered. You cannot call yourself a worthy partner if you simply allow your beloved to waltz themselves into the mouth of danger, can you? So, a little piece of advice from your humble host here tonight: Take back what is yours. Take them back, do not let them go, and do not let anyone EVER soil your love ever again. ........Also hey! Don't forget that the annual Cannibal District Cook-Out is this coming weekend so be sure to--"

#yandere hazbin hotel #yandere alastor x reader #yandere hellaverse #yandere x reader #hh #sinprompts

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doomsdaydicecascader · 2 months

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hey, could you go into more detail with what you mean with ‘being precious’ with characters. im curious and i like your writing a lot <3

i think it's difficult to express without it reading as just "mary sue" critique, you know. tvtropes bullshit. but it is kind of a thing that occupies the same space. and atop that, it's a thing that's a little bit difficult to express without context but i think there are three pretty meaningful examples of a character being made worse by the author from which you are smart enough to discern what i mean

the thing which ties them together is this: you are meant to come out of their story with an affection for the character that rivals the author's care for them - the author wants you to feel as much for this character as they do, but is afraid of portraying the character in flawed or even grounded ways, when the character's flaws or ways in which they are a grounded character tend to be what makes them relateable or worth caring about.

example number one is albus dumbledore. the end of harry potter is genuinely one of the worst things i've ever read, even before the terf shit, and this is best expressed through the way characters around him act - he is always right, except when he's wrong, but the ways in which he's wrong are okay because the character archetype that he turns out to be in the last book before he dies is "guy who makes the hard decisions because nobody else will", winston churchill guy. and naturally, jk rowling adores him so much that she made him the protagonist of her flop three-movie pentology even though there was a better protagonist right there with newt. he is a character who is thoroughly adored by the author in a way that ruins the story.

example number two is johnny, from the room. tommy wiseau is by no means a great artist, but i think a lot of people resent analyzing the room as art because it is so obviously bad and i think that takes away from its most compelling fact. johnny is characterized as too good for this world, as though the world itself was closing in on him, ready to take him out. his future wife is cheating with his best friend, lying about him being an abuser to her friends, his boss doesnt give him his promotion for no reason, his mother in law would put aside her cancer diagnosis to further tear apart her daughters marriage, and through this, johnny does nothing wrong. he was always too good for this sinful world. he is a character who is thoroughly adored by the author in a way that ruins the story.

example number three, as mentioned in that last ask, is lin manuel miranda's portrayal of alexander hamilton, which kind of combines the both of the previous examples. throughout hamilton, alexander hamilton is repeatedly portrayed as a tortured artist, a guy who writes like he's running out of time, a guy whose writing is so powerful that he could have meaningfully changed the world, if he were not also, a dipshit idiot who got shot in a duel. and hamilton is interesting, because the story itself bends over backwards to imagine new outs for him. when his wife, who is so upset by his actions that she exempts herself from being in the writings from which hamilton was based, something i am to believe is made up whole cloth for hamilton, the story itself goes out of its way to say "what if the stuff that his wife destroyed would have redeemed him" when the answer is, probably not, he was a shithead, but lin manuel miranda can't help but ask, "what if hamilton was actually just like me fr, a misunderstood dude who just wanted to make great art", he is a character who is thoroughly adored by the author in a way that ruins the story.

i dont really want to use the term "mary sue" or whatever because it is pretty loaded, and honestly, if the story you're telling justifies this feeling, i tend to really enjoy characters who really are just flawless, characters who the authors love and want you to love too. but theyre character studies - half blood prince and deathly hallows are almost entirely about dumbledore and his relationship to the cast, and it's the worst shit i've ever read. the room would be so unbelievably forgettable without johnny. and hamilton is hamilton.

and its the kind of thing i found myself prone to doing too - that kind of feverish, "he would not fucking say that" behavior about a character who would definitely, absolutely do that. i felt this way for a while about jane in post-canon, and i still kind of think post-canon jane deserved a better arc, to make a tragedy out of her existence, but that is a desire i have because i care a lot about jane crocker, you know?

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dragonsplague · 1 month

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what mods do you plan on playing with?

ok so im a pretty heavily modded kind of person. i dont know when to stop, i know of many mods i adore for sdv, and i have about 11 pages of view by 20 tracked mods i would like to put in my 1.6 save. that's quite a lot... i don't think i'll use all, i'm sure many won't work, and i'll change my mind on a few... i do wanna try and be more vanilla this time so less gameplay altering mods.. i tend to go heavy on qol... i love alternative texture mods so much so lots of those.

i plan on making a list of every mod i am using and sharing that with everyone when i'm finished modding for my 1.6 save.. i'll likely make it a tumblr page and share it as im working on it so people can add what i currently have then check for new additions.. it will not be finished today. as far as i know there are some mod authors who want a week or two to push their mod update fully, but will get code updates in asap and i'm unsure exactly what i wanna do there..

like for example diverse stardew valley is a mod i wanna use this time for sure.. the code will be updated either today or tomorrow, but the art won't be for a week or two or three iirc. and i know for a fact that they're adding my favourite harvey mod to it officially (which is pour-over sweater) and i REALLY want to see that yknow... it'll probably work on an existing save i don't see any reason why i wouldn't. but i am also insane and might be willing to wait an extra few weeks just to see harvey in a sweater. this is the kind of person i am

to try and tldr answer ur question i'll give a small list of mods i will 100% have WITHOUT. FAIL. i will not include shit like content patcher or alternative textures lol

ui info suite 2 - i literally can't play without this. 6 hours ago they dropped an alpha for 1.6, so i'm feeling hopeful they'll be ready soon for a full 1.6 release!

thunder and frogs sounds - dare i inform you that the weird frog sounds during thunderstorms in stardew valley scares me more than playing a silent hill game? cuz it does. it really does. MANDATORY mod for me, and updated for 1.6 already. i literally told the author about the 1.6 changes to modding and he jumped on it immediately to update this mod. you can all thank me hehehe

cjb cheats menu / item spawner - cheat mods that i think everyone should have ngl. esp the cheats menu. like cheats menu is so full of STUFF u can even just use it to make ur walking speed faster. its so fucking handy and perfect. and i like item spawner cuz man sometimes i just wanna spawn a fucking rug for my house. i don't fucking care

lookup anything - this should be a vanilla functionality imo. fucking wiki in the game. perfect mod. no notes. get it

event lookup - basically the same as above but so u can see what u need to get an event and where it is and shit. fuck looking up the wiki to see where someones 5 heart event cuz u havent triggered it. turns out it needs fucking 11pm rain in the woods or some shit fuck sake.....

chests anywhere - to me this is just a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL quality of life mod. i dont wanna run around to fuck to find shit. all there at the press of a button. u can even balance it if u dont wanna tempt urself to use it in the mines or w/e

i'll stop there but i literally will definitely have these. and i think everyone should highkey or lowkey idk. i love them ^_^

#fray.txt #ask #Anonymous #i will also be 100% getting some mods that make the game easier in terms of Clicking and Movement #i am disabled. i do not wanna take 1 minute to chop down a tree. it will die in one swing thank you very much

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vani-ash · 1 month

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just finished DFF

THATS THE ENDING???

I still have so many questions but also I kinda get why they did an ambiguous ending I feel it would probably piss off the least amount of people than if they did have certain favorites 100% die(I doubt that was the actual reason but its probably part of it)

-all of that theorizing and we still dont know if Non is actually dead (though if thats the ending im going with yeah that probably was meant to be his death) I am choosing to believe he is vibeing in the woods cheering his brother on in his murder plot secretly

-What was the killer sometimes having crutches?????? fjgjkdfhgdfjkshgkdfg what was the point of that detail did i miss something or did they just never elaborate on that

-highkey was pissed when i though they were really gonna make it Phee and Jin escaped but they killed WHITE???

-White really was just some random unfortunate guy who liked Tee

-I am choosing to believe White getting stabbed was a hallucination. Its all right guys he's fine New actually let him go cause he didn't deserve all that hes fine. I am not in denial

-so Jin was the one to post the video? Like i never thought it was anyone other than him but they still went about that weirdly

-Phee actually sided with the group who put Non through hell what the fuck

-Phee seemed to care more about Non 'cheating' on him than any of the shit the guys actually did to put Non in a situation to make him feel he had do that. 3/10 boyfriend (he gets points for getting non out of trouble with police but like thats it, couldn't even stick to a murder revenge plot to avenge your boyfriend 😔 romance is dead)

-Shout out to Por just chilling on the couch through out the episode I forgot he was there and laughed when I was like 'why is he just laying there- oh shit right' he really got the easiest death no psychological torture? man got off easy

-WHAT THE FUCK WAS WITH THAT HAND IN EP 1 GRABBING TEE??????????????????????????? if it was a hallucination why is Tee hallucinating another guy grabbing him while with White

-White having the like rash thing???? -did we get why non was covered in blood in the first few seconds of ep 1??? or did i forget that too i cant remember

I have so much more but heres the main points

overall i did really enjoy it I think it definitely should've leaned way more into the horror aspect of it, but it was still really fun :)

#I couldnt watch it last night so here #DFF #dff spoilers #dff finale #dead friend forever #kinda wish they had killed everyone but white/new #was really hoping to see Non show up like surprise bitch 😔#good for new glad he got at least most of his revenge #but also how is bestie getting out of that house like is he killing himself to join his family or like faking his death and moving countrie #the fact we never got to see what lead non to be doing a robot dance 😔#i think we should gotten white seeing pieces of them filming the movie and glimpse of what they were like to non #white really just had the worst weekend of his life and didnt even know the reason why the whole time #anyway i think dream ending was stupid but i still enjoyed it

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mcytblr-archive · 1 month

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Early MCYTblr Interviews: fraseris

today's interviewee is fraseris/dukeborninfebruary, who ran the quack-ity "kinnie" blog, started the hermitblr "geckohc" tag, and has been in MCYTblr from the beginning! below are the questions and answers.

Q. What was your overall experience in early MCYTblr?

A. i had a great time honestly. it was such a hyperactive fandom because there were new hours of content daily, and like a lot of others i was doing pandemic school which meant basically doing nothing all day. this feels strange to say now that the world is pretending to be back to normal, but this whole online world was basically my life for an entire school year. and i think we were using the content and fanspace to ignore reality as hard as possible, because shit sucked severely. so everybody was very deeply invested and dedicated in a way that you just can't have anymore. and at least before the exile arc, when the fandom really blew up (esp i think on stan twitter) it was a relatively small fandom. when things got on trending we celebrated. so it was a really well connected space and we had a lot of fun with our mutual obsessions. ive never been in a fandom like that before and i probably never will be again

Q. If my memory serves, you ran the "kinnie" imposter blog quack-ity. What was that experience like?

A. well, i was not good at impersonating quackity at all. which made it harder to actually scare people and funnier when I actually did freak out a few. a friend who i met in sleepyheads told me that things had been too quiet since tubblr and velvetiscake so i just kinda did it. i stayed up until like 4 am two nights in a row before i gave up. it was really fun watching sleepyheads try to figure it out. someone in there did decide it was me and eventually i had to admit that they were right. i could've been more strategic but i didnt care all that much and i did break a record for hours without revealing myself!! but then zonebur broke that. ive always credited myself with reviving the art of kinnie blogs after like a month of silence, because after quack-ity there was zonebur and the niki blog and many others. i tried a ranboo imposter blog but nobody cared because this was a few weeks before he joined the dream smp. i also had another quackity imposter blog but by then it was too late and people were bored with us

Q. As I remember, you were the first blog to receive the "gay kroger anon" copypasta. What do you remember about that phenomena?

Q. What are some common criticisms of creators that you remember from 2020-2021?

A. i remember when i first joined the tumblr fandom (august 2020) there was a lot of controversy surrounding dream. this was before all his infamous no-pr-team social media outbursts, and the speedrun cheating allegations, and him legitimately grooming kids. honestly I didn't understand what he had actually done back then and i dont really know now. my best guess is that it was the dream team crit people's theories leaking out. it was always just a general "dream is racist" with no real evidence, at least that i saw. because of that the dream smp and fandom was disliked even before the growth in dec 2020, when people really started hating it. looking back i think a lot of that criticism and those rumors were true but at the time I didn't care and definitely felt uncomfortable criticizing friends of My Streamers theres also the sleepy bois callout. that seriously rocked the boat because this was basically the height of their viewcounts (jan ? 2021?) like tommy was getting over 100k viewers every stream and wilbur was getting almost as many. the eventual consensus from sleepyblr as i saw it was that this was all too old to be legitimate grounds for "cancelling." then there were some apologies, i think, and people were pissed at techno for never even acknowledging any of it. but I don't think it really effected their following. the people who liked them and wanted to watch them kept watching them. and in the end that callout didn't even scratch the surface of what wilbur had done. i will say that the main crit of tommy was that he was being negatively influenced by the adults around him and he "needs to be saved from them" or something like that. which unfortunately rings true in the wake of his statement and lack thereof about wilburs' serial abuse of younger people. its depressing to look back on because of that and also because of techno's death. at the time it really showed how people (myself included) attached their own worth to streamers' presence and the parasocial relationship between them. the amount of guilt and panic i saw was crazy

ALSO! when callmecarson was publicly outed as a groomer in jan 2021. that didn't make nearly as much controversy in the dream smp fandom as the other callouts, but at least in the spaces i was a part of like gay castle and associates there were a lot of people who had been smplive fans in the years before. at least two other creators from smplive had similarly been outed before, so it wasn't the first time, but caron definitely caused the remaining fandom to deteriorate. it also put lunch club's life and death in such a negative light and ruined it for a lot of people, because we had never understood the full story before

there was also the drama surrounding jawsh and noah hugbox. there was always negativity about stans (meaning the twitter fanbase) in the smplive world and jawsh started controversy by tweeting negatively about them and about dream. hugbox and him both brought in a sort of redditor anti-sjw vibe to the debate and mostly argued with dream on twitter because dream was always a huge supporter of stan culture and one of those people who told their chat "i love you" all the time, so they really disliked him. of course he acted just as ridiculous as them. this whole thing is where the original "dont stop the party" video came from. a lot of people on tumblr found the whole thing silly but there were also some people as offended and opinionated as most of twitter, who straight up cancelled josh and noah. one of my dearest mcytblr memories is my friends and i staying up late and laughing at noah hugbox's joker act together

the most general criticism of all of these streamers was that they promoted unhealthy parasocial relationships. that mindset was mostly in the crit spaces before the fandom really grew in december, but it became a big deal in the philosophy of the fandom. I'd been complaining about parasocial relationships for a while, but more on the side of viewers than streamers, and i was pissed off when the larger fandom turned it into a nothing-word. i also remember people disliking tubbos politics because he was basically centrist & confused with a touch of young tory ignorance. but myself and my friends and the people i followed were overwhelming uncritical of everyone

Q. As I remember it, you were also a fan of smplive. How do you think the two fandoms interacted/influenced each other?

A. (apologies to people who were actually active participants in smpblr if this isnt comprehensive.) smpblr was very anti-stan, anti-rpf, and so it was really at odds with smptwt where the exact opposite was true. the smp-boundaries account is a consequence of this. people would follow those posts like law and if you broke a boundary and didnt apologize well enough you would be ostracized. maybe this discourse wasnt so central to the fandom during the height of smplive, but by the time i was lurking in later 2019 it seemed to be the main topic of discussion. i think that this mindset really informed sections of the early dream smp fandom, but most people in 2020 stuck somewhere between the two extremes. the transition between the casual real life streaming on smplive and the character roleplay on the dream smp was definitely rough. i don't think there was ever a time when the true boundaries of what was and was not acceptable to discuss or create were set. generally you could treat the characters like characters and make art and write about them, but you could get in trouble with some people for depicting gore or anything sexual including sexual orientation or transness. and some spaces accepted rpf while others hated it with a burning passion. the fandom mellowed out over time and the characters were accepted fully as their own characters, but at least as i saw it took a while

Q. What do you remember about "smprompa"?

A. for a long time smprompa was a white whale. i led a short crusade trying to find it and had some genuinely great finds submitted by anons (i believe under the tag 'hunt for smprompa' or 'search for smprompa' or something on my blog.) but we didnt get anywhere close to the full text. it was a cultural artifact that i dont think many of us approved of, but we wanted it because of its significance to the smplive fandom and creators. when it was discovered by gay castle folks my mind was a little blown

#early mcytblr interviews #Volume 12 #fraseris

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justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms · 5 months

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hihihi could i get a demon slayer matchupppppo, i go by she/her btw:))))))))

I have reddish brown wavy thick hair and brown eyes i usually leave my hair down but i sometimes put it in braids or pigtails , im 5'1, and have a pear body type im a female and bisexual (male preference)

My hobbies are likeee, working out, playing electric guitar, kickboxing, buying dumb shit that i dont need, baking(especially for loved ones)and i have a few other hobbies

For my personality im an istp and an aquarius if those count for anything, its hard for me to describe my own personality but some people dont get my sense of humor often and i come off as mean. Another thing that makes me come off as rude or mean is my social anxiety in public so i dont say much and i have a resting bitch face not even on purpose. I dont consider myself mean, like i genuinely love making people happy and helping them with things but my social anxiety holds me back on trying to help people and complimenting them .I only have a small group of friends that i talk to but i love them so much. I can be antisocial sometimes because being social all the time drains me, . Though when im with my friends and im really energetic, impulsive, dramatic, opinionated, sarcastic and a little annoying and talk a lot n i always wanna do things+a risk taker i get myself in trouble a lot. I hate it when i go over to peoples houses and they js sit on their phone like wtf did i even come here for ??

Some things i love are animals,doing new things, flowers, nature, horror, the color pink, anything pretty really, motorcycles, pinterest, music(especially metal or rock), incense, smoothie bowls, my friends, plushies, dressing up, halloween,long walks and a lot of other thingsssssss

Some stuff i hate are cheaters, home wreckers, talking to new people, feeling nauseous from panic attacks, fatigue, and wasps.

People tend to see me as less emotional which is true sometimes but when i love i really love hard and i dont get with just anyone and it takes me a while to fall for someone and people don't expect it from me, im so different and emotional when i love somebody and i usually just end up being manipulated, and i dont give up on people easily i try my hardest to empathize with them and work it out.

Another toxic thing is i can be overprotective and possessive in relationships a bit😭

i love love gift giving and physical touch both giving and receiving and i like making my partner handmade gifts that take a lot of effort to show i care though i also like spending money on them

I find it cute when the person im with gets overly jealous but i would never purposely wanna make them feel that way, i know how it feels and they don't deserve that. I hate it when people make me jealous on purpose because they "like it". i love being pampered but ill never ask for it

the littlest thing a person i love would do for me makes me so happyyyyyyyy

(im sorry how fucking long this is whenever i start typing things i cant stop)

Hi! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I hope you like your matchup!

In Demon Slayer, I match you with...

Tanjiro is the best person for you to be around with your social anxiety. He’s a nice calm person and knows how to make people feel at ease.

Very good with physical touch as well. He’ll happily give you as many hugs as you want. I see Tanjiro as someone who likes physical affection as well so it’s a win-win for him.

Will get rid of wasps for you. He travels in nature a lot so he’s used to getting rid of bugs and assorted insects and feels that it’s the least he can do for you.

Please work out with him. Tanjiro’s shockingly strong and will always encourage you to do your best so you’ll get a good workout.

No need to worry about Tanjiro betraying your trust by doing anything like cheating. The thought has never even crossed his mind. He loves with his whole heart and would rather fight every demon at once than purposefully hurt those he cares about.

#writing #fanfic #matchup #matchup request #request #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #tanjiro kamado

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hello-jumping-in-puddles · 9 months

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mid-year book freak out tag

tagged by @bloody-wonder, thank you!

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2023?

Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente. i dont even know what to say. i want to sit raptly while someone smarter than me explains all the history and symbolism in this book that i missed. haunting.

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2023?

partially just because i've read few sequels this year, The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik wins. I maintain that Orion is boring as hell after book 1 and I don't care about him but the rest of the book? Delicious. El is so snarky and dark. Ooooh im an evil witch princess im so scary my friends have to hold me back from committing evil (devotes her life to protecting other people) (refuses to live in an enclave because it feels like cheating) (shows up whenever people ask for help even if they suck). also the reveal with the mawmouths was just. such fucking 10/10 writing. the punch of understanding. the way the text gives the reader space to figure it out themself and just go HOLY SHIT.

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To?

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle. I have it downloaded. I am ready.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2023?

I have no idea. I just find books when I find them, y'know?

5. Biggest Disappointment?

ironically, the sequel to question 6, The Return of Fitzroy Angursell by Victoria Goddard. after a book which is about a guy whose whole thing is "really good civil servant" this book was just...not what i wanted. it was about a classic singing robin hood style hero who is charming and cool and magical and does adventures and maybe otherwise i would have enjoyed it but how can i read a book set in the world of my favourite bureaucrat Kip and not read about bureaucracy??? only book so far this year i just straight up didnt finish. also, you can only tell the same vague story about how kip made a joke that one time without actually telling the joke before it stops being "backstory" and starts being "the author never actually figured out what the joke was".

6. Biggest Surprise?

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard. absolutely bizarre book. there is no real plot other than the emperor preparing for retirement. the first three hundred pages the emperor just. goes on vacation?? i was expecting political intrigue but the political intrigue is 90% just "the rich guys dont like it but our guy, Kip the bureaucrat, is the emperors specialist guy and also extremely stubborn so everyone has to go alone with UBI". the biggest conflict is literally just interpersonal miscommunication but good. i was so hooked it was ridiculous. where did the heterosexuality come from i am perplexed

7. Favorite New Author?

i was about to say catherynne m valente but i actually cant claim that because now i looked her up and ive read other work by her! she did The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making and sequels which were extremely delightful also. so this one goes to Victoria Goddard on the basis of i have apparently read a lot of authors i already know this year

8. Newest Favorite Character?

Cliopher (Kip) Mdang my beloved

9. Newest Fictional Crush?

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

💕Best Ship💕

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

okay i guess maybe kip + the emperor? or maybe el + liesel because i was surprisingly a big fan of liesel by the end. though maybe thats just me wanted el to be with someone more interesting than orion.

10. Book That Made You Cry?

i can't actually remember if i cried but Driftwood by Marie Brennan was quite haunting and beautiful and bittersweet

11. Book That Made You Happy?

Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson. now, all brandon sandersons are at least 30% power of friendship by weight but i really do appreciate that this one was like "yeah no we're saying that part out loud. people are heros because they love their friends anything else is just set dressing"

12. Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year?

i...dont think ive watched any book adaptations this year

13. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year?

don't write 'em, so n/a

14. Most Beautiful Cover?

im going to say Deathless tho i think i am biased because the book hypnotised me

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year?

so many. Ancillary Justice. I also really should read Nona the Ninth but book 2 was so...eugh. i ravenously devoured a bunch of Pratchett's last month and i am waiting on several more from the library. apparently theres a new murderbot out soon? i should check that out.

tagging @a-fish-bee, @foxsoulcourt if you want to do this one :)

#reading #mid year book freak out

2 notes · View notes

fkyumerica · 3 months

Text

Mon 8:29 AM

do the puppies look any different today?

these gay guys keep competing at me

sports jar heads

helmet retards

i get to shoot all of them what mad judge

he's 40 now

come on

know how to talk to them and just breeze through all of them

like they did to their family

and family hey sports bar make some friends go to some gays

games

and we're big and gay too

punch $50

princess diaries

metal pieces megaphone every noise that sounds like sexx, and they microphone add on to it

like they are fucking you

is how you hear it

and feel it too heat

and turn it off, turn internet on, then turn it off again

gay black guys who inbred with all your mothers

and fathers, do it

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh noises all day

and uhhhhhhh did they find out, shoot them dope and their cum on it

and no no no cum on it first

then trace it

finger them and

uh cheated hit them

whoever was in the room

understand it or die

i have rule now

and

who wants to marry fuck her

sports teams

biggest guys now

if i did it i get all of them

and twiggy wont stop drinking with people who are not his friends

and lying to me

and all those men live together with them too

wont ungroup

and leave a band

still plays with them

im not it didnt ever say it

just did to live

and anybody thinks he is him to fuck me

walk in my house and drug at me with their moms

all sports teams are them too inbreds

hide the face under a mask

and it is one

their shield from their mothr

mother

and cocaine is soap keep using it and drinking it

Detroit Red Wings

Lyons dubs all-around. 🦁👑 #EasyToCelebrate x #LGRW

Facebook

who wants it i want to fight my kids now

and its just a ass fuck

all of them in the 80s did it

they nonstop slur

thinking they are fucking the boy in a dress

he look like a man

i'll leave him

the mother said it

and a girl? i'll take her get in a house-curly guy

a fat new jersey guy

https://www.facebook.com/friends/suggestions/?profile_id=100000129983533 like him, and him

https://www.facebook.com/friends/suggestions/?profile_id=100000093428886

and all of you we make you

and i dont care we lie to get it all

and fuck you plug it in

look at a tree

i fuck you from behind

got you a christmas

got 8 on me

seriously play with them

https://www.facebook.com/watch?v=691726146459426 this was his fucking team

whatever guy in clueless was him, his dad, then kimmy, in order of sex with her for a cheerleader team

State Champs W

High School Cheerleading - Brighton | 1/17/24

Facebook

fly girls fuck all the guys and tell them they are fly

ask one gay guy he will tell you the anwsers

they dont wanna talk they wanna fuck it out and its hugs

moms to the inbreds- raise them for me because i dont wanna teach them to learn anything

the dads with the inbreds- i dont want them

i had to be one of these men

before and after my parents died

was it

they made me ugly

and i hate it

the cum on each person around them

to space them out

and grab their ball

husbands balls, sons balls, finger their daughters

and women love em

they would say to each other about their sons love em love em

so they fuccking did

love each others sons

when their son ran away from them

fucking for days i know he's alright

got pregnant by one the one they took in

to her

she took him in

and

the othre family came back when she got pregnant by him

and then she broke up with her husband

if they broke up it happened

Mon 9:54 AM

she causes bad energy getting up and static picking up electricity charging it with rubber bottom slippers

no you feel it

and the face show me and then the back of her

ass

and leave after

they get free food for it

and hey come back gay with her again safter

i just leave her after im not staying for this shit

she thinks she is in a relationship with me

talk slow and fast and stutter it

to get her and them off

and shh

shh

shit load

and moan the whole time

she aint doin him

sent emails to me

and power

black word

for revolt

and we go in there

give me the food

0 cost trip

it goes down to the amount

will not understand to speak it ever

and electric turn it up

louder

shh er

reford it to me

not a real word and said the name

why revive them cause we wanna fuck

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/tJv4dlnYFl0 2 years old, and 7

😭රටම හැඩවමින් ඇය යන්නම ගියා😭 chamudi sandeepani funeral #shorts

whole tribe, same age

and guy who fucks them comes back at night

marilyn manson says he has one

is it dearborn like henry ford

they were outlawd to not fuck each other

still did on the freeway

parked next to it

they saw us we can go in their house

they said it in their car

looking at anyones house

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGiEoGbiPWs one lives as a dad

Getting Through Hard Times✨... Take It From Us

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JYyYSucUn4 i was gonna celebrate valentines day

6-Year-Old With Apert Syndrome Needs Life-Saving Surgery | Body Bizarre

yea ia had a nose job

Mon 11:45 AM

they keep making bombs

the build up pisses people off

letting screams out of the microphones

and they keep the inbreds on them too and all they do is scream

they slice open their faces after and give them plastic surgery

Mon 12:40 PM

Make a Furina by...glass? #genshinimpact #genshin #furina #glassblowing

their grandmas didnt watch them to raise them with each other

grandkids in their relationship

together and apart and near each other

and how to live in the day to care for each other

and their family

Mon 2:51 PM

chris keeps cooking crystal meth and popping mercury in it melting it

to attack hitting

someone

holding them down with energy too

does it to waves

and what is under the ocean

they were never to get sea rocks and they froze them

like dip n dots

she dated guido guys she is a guido bitch

gave her son the world

Mon 4:03 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vdfqo4EZjVM I AM ARNOLDS DAD!!

Street Fighter II: The World Warrior as an 80s Action Movie

YEAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAA

FIGHT EVERYONE HERE

GOKU

im laughing so hard at the video you posted

too many puppies!

thanks for showing the puppies!

Mon 10:00 PM

youtube

Pirates of the Caribbean 6: Final Chapter | First Trailer (2024) | Jenna Ortega, Johnny Depp Concept

are you kidding me

these are the classes to be a police officer, the academy is shooting and being trained to workk the job

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7zF30zO2d0 fu dogs

#Youtube

0 notes

ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall · 10 months

Text

so i just got off a call with my therapist and she was so supportive of me moving to Atlanta and starting new and I told her about my situation and how tied I have felt to this place because of my son and how his dad has made me feel like i could never go anywhere and she said i don't have to worry about that because she believes there is a law where a kid at 13 or 14 can tell a judge they do not want to be with their parents anymore and become independence and I told her about me mentioning to my my son before that there is such a thing as emancipation but that he would have to be careful with that because if the judge does not grant it then that means he will having to continue living with his abusive dad who now knows that his own son is trying to get away from him. so she told me i can look in google for more info or talk to an attorney and that gave me some ideas.

so about moving to atlanta. it's funny because before the call i was like, do i even need this appointment and idk if i am just spendding money on something that i may not need. but then i'm telling her about moving to atlanta and she's being so supportive and i don't feel like i would get that kind of support from my own family and i'm like so grateful for her at the same time because she just lets me be me. like i feel like my close minded mom would be like "no i have too much going on here" or "no atlanta is too much ____ for me to move there" and then my uncle who worries alot would not like me moving away to the other side of the country and being away from my family system and i would miss him so much but i feel like i kinda need this. and then my sis and her kids i dont talk to them anymore so i don't feel like i have that holding me back.

anyway my therapist said i could always look into buying the home now and then renting it out or air bnb it and i'm like that's a great idea although i do worry about renters but maybe it wont be so bad so it is an idea to consider.

and then im like telling therapist tthat moving would be a great way for me to get away from richard and she is asking am i feeling tied to him or wanting to be with him or if he is pursuing me and i told her we talk throughout the day and she said it is A LOT of contact and i agree with her but i dont really have any friends which i also explained to her and she understood and said she feels like if i had more fullfilling friendships that she thinks i would need him much less and i think i agree with her. but being in this shit state with these shit people i can't relate to anyone at all because i feel like these aren't my people and they're rude and racist and i just want to be alone in my house with my dogs because of how unkind the outside is here where i live. but anyway therapist is really anti-richard so i know she feels good for me knowing i have a plan or positive outlook of where i might move to, bc i also told her that ive always considered moving after my son turns 18 but when someone would ask where i would be like i have no clue, but since atlanta it has been a healing journey because not only do i love the city but the people werre absolutely delightful and i just feel like i belong and that i could really heal and my stress will finally go down being there and my dogs will just love it.

since living here richard still calls be babe and i know in his mind he considers us being together and thinks we have a future and we are so close in distance it is all a possibility for him even though for me it's completely different bc i hate him for how much he lied to me and treated me like shit and i will never ever be with him again but then it's also been a year since i found out he has been cheating on me and i still have not cut him off and sometimes it feels like we can still be good friends but i dont want him to think we are still together but it's hard to enforce that if i have not cut him off and i feel like moving will be a huge message i am sending like "we are not together and i am moving on with my life and i suggest you do the same"

but anyway i am soo excited for georgia like seriously if i don't like it i'll just move but i am soo doing my homework, therapist told me to network with the viet and nail community of georgia and see if i can get setup with a resource manager on moving and i told her i am connected to a viet realtor here and that is also due to networking in the nail community so it's def possible.

0 notes

bubsub69 · 10 months

Text

Entry 2

14/05/2023 22:47

Well might as well start all entries with how my sleep schedule is, i had an afternoon nap so i might not sleep enough tonight but better than being up at 4am because i tried going to sleep at like 11pm and it went horribly wrong.

Reason for writing today? well while before looking at cute couple stuff like hugging and cuddling would make me cry now a porn video that wasnt even my first time watching made me cry because the couple seemed really happy and having a good time even though the girl was probably laughing cause she ruined the dudes orgasm on his face (video: https://www.redgifs.com/watch/quaintelderlyvireo#rel=tag%3Aruined-orgasm%2Cchastity%2Ca;order=trending)

I guess i should start with yesterday, with the blessing of the folders/briefcases whatever, it was as bad as expected so at least not worse than expectations, a very late start as a lot of people expected followed by a walk a queue to sit down, a small sermon and then speeches from each course. The worst part honestly might have just been the sun, it was blazing hot and i think i got sick from it, my nose was extremely fucked last night and still kinda is. After that we went to have lunch at a crisp 3pm and the food arrived at like 4, thank god my body has a high hunger resistance or i mightve killed someone, i spent a lot of time at the restaurant but at least i got to be with my cousin so it was actually pleasant, at the end we went to the lake garden to take some pictures for some reason and then went home (the for some reason comes from the fact we already had like 40 photos on the camera alone and went to take more).

idk why i wanted to write down what happened yesterday this was supposed to be more about emotions than story but oh well who can stop an autist from rambling.

But going to aforementioned (wow that was the word whos spelling i really had to look up, why am i spellchecking a personal diary? cause fuck you i want to, anyway another autistic rambling aside) emotions, those ribbons made me feel kinda weird when i reread them cause everyone was saying congrats on the hard work and for beating this challenge but i feel like its undeserved cause its not like i put a huge amount of effort studying, i barely passed some stuff which is definetly something im not proud of but yeah i feel like i slacked off most of the year even though ive never missed classes or failed to deliver a project, i guess im just associated with the studying part of school instead of this which is better honestly, even if i get stressed like now where i have a shit ton of stuff to do and am over procastinating as usual, but yeah, a lot of good jobs for a meh performance feels kinda weird.

But enough about school heres an update on D, today is sunday which matches the same day as the day of the call so how was her availability? well she gave me a maybe and then said that apparently her visa is expiring and shes super stressed out, well that seems like something way too complex for an excuse/lie so i believe her more but yeah her moving again is definetely going to make her busy again so i guess no calls for me.

Really feeling like a piece of shit that thats all the care i can muster for it, shes like about to get formally deported and im out here complaining shes too busy for me, and the worst is i decided to get a keyholder on chaster just to satisfy me, it feels like cheating i dont know why, we had some mild texting and a call and ive already like fallen in love and feel like a traitor, but i guess im tired of waiting and it might be for the best to move on if she just wants to stay an acquaintance (well new record for biggest spelling blunder), but yeah i feel like im giving up too soon cause i really liked her and just moving on feels really bad but what can i do when she doesnt show any interest, i mean not only does she not text back she also hasnt asked anything about me, which i guess is kinda fair for most boring person in the world whos hobbies are gaming and youtube, yippy, i guess ill wait again, this time im gonna do a week of no texting to see if she ever sends me something, she will be busy with the moving so she probably wont but oh well whatcha gonna do, not like shed say yes to a call in these circumstances either, i still wish i could help her but i dont think i can just ask dad if he has a contact with the visa man to hurry her process, but i did imagine that cenario

I guess switching to a different type of emotion to put some variety in this yesterday i fucked up the gamepads usb port out of anger but i think i tricked my parents by saying i saved the computer from falling, and on other hardware problem news theres a screw that i think broke the plastic around it so know the case keeps disconnecting from the rest. This was a shitty story but at least its not all about being sad and lonely

Well a bit of a blunder of an ending but oh well heres entry two, if the lady i messaged to be my keyholder replies the update will be here:

#diary

0 notes

bignutspatrol · 1 year

Text

aight got rid of the irls. mental illness rambling, not anything negative, just reflecting again. big talk on dissociation so avoid if thats an issue for u

idk we used to be so terrified of the whole 'integration' thing but there is something so.. calming and beautiful(?) in acting as one. we're still different in a way, but we're so blurred together that there may as well be no difference between one another. 'switches' are basically seamless at this point, though we never had too much of an issue with that. Amnesia isnt an issue, i mean theres still some memories that we cant really.. access or thinking about it brings up a mental "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS" mental prompt. but like, with no real therapy getting this far is pretty good, no? i dont think i can get too much farther on my own, but thats fine for now. i think theres one or two parts that havent been integrated, judging from gaps and things ive just kinda observed. dissociating is still kind of an issue, but its hard to tell how much of that is from mental illness and how much is from my physical shit just being really bad rn. its never for very long though, and i can snap myself out of it at this point. looking back at how i used to feel like i was.. only ever vaguely aware of things going on, voices just constantly ordering around the body like im a puppet, the fear i felt back then. felt like i was drowning in pure ass dissociation. man. shits so much better. i mean theres also the fact that we actually communicate but. its so relieving to feel like im actually in control, and to actually be in control at least at times. and also to be able to actually trust my parts now too. i still cant tell who the fuck or what the fuck i am but thats fine? i dont think it matters too much at this point. sometimes it bothers me, but like....idk man, friends say im nice n cool, so who cares. i can recognize i have some bad habits and shit, and try to work on them... and the obsession with art is pretty consistent. so is this rambling. dont think what or who i am matters much past that. we've been mostly present the last year or so and its just... its so amazing how we act when we aren't clouded in that shit. feels like a completely new person. i mean it basically is lol but. its so fucking good, i thought i was just an asshole before that but nope! just hard to care or interact with people when your mind does not exist. turns out im kinda funny and bitches like that! who fucking knew. idk when i get that driving license i think ill finally bother to get a therapist. got some things i wanna do that i can only do when i get over the whole trauma shit.

even with all that said a lot of this progress happened /after/ being single. bpds like that lol. man im so fucking glad im over the whole 'if im single i wont be able to live, i can only have a happy life if im with someone' etc shit. i get where its coming from, have that compassion, etc etc, but like... Oh man. Hindsights 20/20. turns out i fucking love myself and love being on my own. i just also love chaotic slightly-bad relationships (i have some standards. not good ones.). gotta work on that too... hah. seriously funny that i kept going on and on abt how good my relationship with [several year dude] was and then. oop. hindsight hits, turns out! probably not that great. especially in the last year. i mean he did cheat on me after leaving me in the dark for months on end so like, no shit, but. idk best not to go into detail on that one. think some ppl that know him follow here lmao. dude is fine, just a bad partner. not abusive just not a good fit for me at all. maybe i just dont understand other depressed people at all lmao? tho my depression is kinda wacky since my emotions are kinda wacky as hell. gonna absolutely have to unpack that one with a therapist. i totally get why its like that but lmaooo solving that is too hellish for me.

#personal #even vaguely thinking about those memories makes the panic surge in someone. man...#still good to poke at them every now and then though i think? hm.#who knows.#not me. im not a fuckin professional. i just do a shit ton of research and experimentation #have a lot thoughts. wanted to just write them. and this account has always kinda been a place i put it #aside form my now deleted priv twt #there was a two whole extra paragraphs and then i was like. hm. no. thats a bit too big of a bomb to drop here actually lets keep that one #actually private i think lol #no one fuckin reads these (that is so fine) and no one follows this acc (also so fine) but like. its still not private enough ykn

0 notes

cruzctrl · 1 year

Text

So, i've been gone for quite sometime. And alot has happened, it being me becoming director of respiratory at my facility, hating every minute of it, stepping down after 5 months, and picking up a full time job at a former facility. There were quite a few things that made me step down- actually alot of things:

1. Short staffing

The issue with short staffing and trying to approve peoples vacation times was a nightmare. I catered to these people thinking yeah its gonna be fine. Ill figure something out. Then when i get call ins, no one is willing to work. Im not about to run 20 hours working at this place when 8 hours is already dreadful. And guess what, i still did it. I tried. But the consistency of how bad no one wanted to work was more than enough of a problem for me to step down. And i low key hated people to begin with and it didnt make the job any easier.

2. Supply shortage

This was probably the worst one. Id do my daily tuesday routines of ordering supplies, and yet i seem to never get the main supplies i need. Trachs. Bacteria filters for suction machines. Pulse oximeter probes and cables. And its out of my control. I get it. Ever since covid cane around it hasnt been any easier for anyone. But again, being blamed for something i cant control was already daunting and i hated

3. Inheriting a staff i've worked with for 7 years

It sucked. They know my work ethic. And they see me as one of them. Not as a supervisor. Only when they need my signature to sign off on their overtime. Or their vacations. Or their bullshit sick days. And when i needed the help only a few were able to pull through. The fact that im somewhat salty about this whole situation makes me think: what could i have done differently? Why dont they look at me as someone who can take over a department? But then again. It is what it is. The lack of respect was already more than enough for me to leave. Aside from that, another guy who didnt even work more than 8 days a month became the director and they seem to give him more respect than me. But, like i said i could of done things differently, but i wouldnt know what to do anyways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. Taking work home

This was one thing i told myself- never take work home. Thats what i did. I took work home. I think about when the next time im gonna have to come in to cover a shift, why no one responds to my group me texts, or whatever shit that i needed to come in for. The stress and anxiety of coming home really fucked up my sleep. So bad to the point where id stay up super late just to enjoy what little time i had to myself. Thats bad on my part and probably affected me to the point where i dreaded work.

BUT

Ill admit, i low key miss goin to work whenever i want, but i dont miss goin to work when i shouldnt even be there. The amount of stress that has been lifted from my shoulders is so nice, i forgot how it was to just go to work, get things done, and leave with no worry about anything more or less. Im pretty content with what happened, how i did, and i appreciate the few support of people who really had my back. Funny thing is, they didnt even decrease my pay rate, so although i stepped down as director, im still getting director pay! I guess if theres a way to cheat the system, that was definitely it.

So, in hindsight, Im on call / per diem at my old facility, and got hired as full time at.. another old facility. BUT my pay has definitely increased in both places. Ever since i left, everything has looked alot brighter. i bought a new car, im back to working noc shift again, im happier as a whole, and i just think everything that ive dealt with was a lesson and that not all things at the top is so mint. The new guys i met at work seem pretty chill, and we have a few hobbies that we have in common so it was really easy to get a long with them. Plus i think this whole subacute dept as a whole is just good for myself and patient care. Its really nice to be able to go back to work and feel like im making a difference with what i do. I couldnt help but feel useless as a director. I guess one of the perks is the amount of overtime im gettin here, it is so absurd that im probably gonna be making more than my other places i worked at. Anyways, im happy and thats all that really matters. Ill probably post some pics of my new whip soon, just gotta find the time to take some decent pics. Hope you guys have been well, and this was just me ranting.

0 notes

jovishark · 4 years

Text

overw*tch once again proving my point that its a crap game and even the people who like it dont like it

#everything from the last two years has been inconsistent and buttass ugly #its just good fanartists making the best of a crap situation #as soon as i bought the hanzo therapy zine blizzard went 'time to put this character in the trash'#so like. great thanks #i hate seeing people waste their time on media that doesnt care about the fanbase and NO i am not requesting fanservice #im requesting that game devs and big companies put actual effort into writing a story that isnt complete vague bullshit #so that the people who do care about it dont feel cheated when new shit gets released that means absolutely nothing #also its just an ugly game #shh

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spideymarvelws · 3 years

Text

had so much fun writing the first scene dude... i feel like as a fanfic writer its a sin i haven’t written anything like it yet lmfaoo (to be fair i probably have but I just dont rem💀) anyways i hope you enjoy!

REPOST BECAUSE OF TAGS!!!

Main Masterlist / Add Yourself To My Taglist / Prompt List

Prompt : 9. “Then what are you waiting for?”

Warnings : just some cute floof, some cursing here and there

Word Count : 2.2k

Hesitation

Technoblade x GN!Reader

It was always peaceful in the tundra right before the sun set. Not only did the orange and red colours that reflected off the shiny snow send a wave of tranquility through the lands. It was a specific time where all the animals would go back into their homes before the mobs spawned at night fall, leaving the lands in complete silence.

Phil loved working at this time, getting small tasks done around the house that he wasn’t able to do throughout the day. Whether it was washing the dishes or dusting out the book shelves. Maybe even lounged around near the fireplace, planning out what he had to do the next day. It was always quiet, void of distractions to keep him from doing them.

But of course, with peace always came chaos.

“YOU CHEATED!”

“NO I DIDN’T!”

“YES YOU DID!”

The door cracked open, slamming against the wall behind it making the blonde jump from the sudden noise. He was ready to pick up his sword by his side until he recognised the voices of his house mates, shouting like little children.

Phil sighed, continuing to wash the dishes in front of him. While the bickering tended to amuse him at times, right then he just wanted to stay in the silence. He was quick to grab a pear of earplugs from his chest, pushing them snugly into his ear, blocking out the noise you both brought into the house while humming a small tune.

“There’s no way that your horse is faster that Carl! That’s just not possible!” Techno shook his head, his entire body still except for his left foot tapping consistently on the floor, “It’s just not possible.”

“Okay-” you pointed your finger in his face, “First off, her name is Raven and secondly, you just can’t admit that she’s better than Carl.” you crossed your arms on your chest, looking up at the piglin with teasing eyes.

Tech threw his head back with a groan, turning around gruffly and taking off his cape along with the skull mask covering his face.

“I won’t admit it because it isn't true!” he turned back to face you, mimicking your stance and tilting his head slightly to the side.

You raised your eyebrows at his response, nodding slowly, “Alright, alright,” you slowly took of your cloak, bunching it up and throwing it at him, his reflexes catching it before the fabric hit his chest, “Maybe it’s just the ridder and not the horse.”

Techno gasped, “You take that back.” he threw your cloak to the side.

You hummed, looking up and faking a thinking face, “Nah... I don’t think I will, I said what I said.” you stepped closer to the hybrid, sizing up his figure, “And what are you going to do about it?”

Techno squinted his eyes, a small smirk making its way to his face before he grabbed you by the waist, throwing you over his shoulder and walking away from the entrance into the living room.

“Hey!” You pounded at his back, wiggling in his tight grip, “Put me down you loaf!”

He laughed at your words but obliged, throwing you on the couch near the fireplace. Before you could sit up, he crawled over your form, knee besides one side of your waist with his other foot planted on the floor, keeping him steady hovering over you.

“Techno-” you chuckled nervously, trying your best not to stray away from his intense gaze, fighting the heat starting to rise to your face. Your hands pushed at his chest, weakening when he brought his face closer to yours, making you feel smaller than you already were.

He didn’t say anything, instead his fingers dug into your stomach, wiggling them across the fabric of your shirt. Your laugher filled the air, high pitched and bouncing off the walls of the cottage. You tried your best to control them, not wanting to give in to the blood god’s actions so quickly. But your hands on your stomach did nothing to stop his.

“Oh. My. God! Techno! Stop you fucking- oh god!”

“Take it back Y/n!” he laughed along with you, continuing his assault on your stomach, “Take it back or I swear to god you’re going to loose a canon life from being too ticklish.”

“NEVER!” you shouted between laugher, screaming when his hands began to move faster, knocking the breath out of your lungs. In the heat of the moment, he took your wrists into his fist, pinning them above your head, keeping your hands from interfering with his plans.

“Say. It.” even with one hand we was doing enough to keep you squirming underneath him, desperate for an escape.

“Okay! Okay! You- You’re a good rider Techno! You’re a good rider!” you finally admitted, your body falling limp against the cushions when he finally raised his fingers from your stomach.

Techno laughed at your state, leaning back with a cocky smirk on his face, “Glad to know we could come to an agreement,”

“I hate you,” you mumbled, your head rolling to the side on your shoulder as you caught your breath. You closed eyes in relief that the past few minutes were over, nearly falling asleep with the amount of energy you spent laughing.

Techno chuckled, taking your chin into his fingers, turning your head to look back at him, “Is that so?”

You nodded, fluttering your eyes open to look up at the pink haired man. Your breath hitched when you noticed how close his face was to yours. His entire presence felt suddenly close, his chest puffed out with long breaths, his legs practically tangled with yours, his face hovering over you, radiating heat you didn’t notice while he was tickling you. You watched as his face lit up red, his piglin ears straightening out of the side of his head, probably taking in the proximity as well.

Techno wasn’t one to get flustered often, but when he did it was always with the people he cared about. He trusted them enough to let that blood god persona he put on fade away leaving behind his shy, nerdy side you always adored. The side of techno who would read by the fireplace with Steve sat snuggly in his lap, the Techno who would spend hours trying to fix his glasses that broke constantly in his strong grip only having to craft a new one. The Techno who would grumble about compliments from you and Phil but the subtle spread of pink across his face told everyone otherwise. The Techno you grew to love the more and more he let you it.

He began to get a lot more playful with you as you friendship grew. When you moved in with him out in the snow it only increased drastically. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for the both of you to end up in this position or something similar to it (like the time he pinned you down during training), but he would always stop before things got too intimate and while it hurt, you’ve grown to accept it. You were glad to be his friend, his companion. You would take his friendship over not knowing him at all any time of the day.

You waited for him to pull back. To stand up and dust off his clothes, offering you his hand to pull you up with him and continue that night like normal. But he stayed, his dark, dull eyes staying down at you with a shine you’ve never seen up close before.

Techno didn’t know what to do either. He didn’t know what was prompted him to stay in this position, the sudden confidence that pushed him to keep his hand on your face, his lips so close to yours. Maybe it was the voices in his head, annoyed with the constant stares and thoughts of adoration when you rode Raven around in the snow, your cape flowing beautifully behind you, face showing nothing but pure joy. They were relentless, calling him out on every emotion he was feeling because of you.

He wanted to move for your sake, he was the one on top of you in the first place, pinning you down. You were probably being polite not shoving him off of you, even if you’ve never done it before, he just always pulled away before you could. But he couldn’t, his muscles stiff and unable to move.

A small part of his brain told him you wanted this too, but he ignored it for his own sanity.

“Techno-” you whispered but before you could continue, the hybrid immediately took the single word as a protest, finally letting go of your hands but keeping his body close.

“Shit I’m sorry that- that was probably a bit much.”

You giggled softly, “No- uh, it was fine tech, no worries,”

He looked down at your bright smile glowing in his face.

“You’re really beautiful Y/n,” he whispered, letting the rough pads of his fingers trail down the side of your face, blushing when you nudged them with your cheek, accepting the comfort.

“You think so?” you whispered back, looking up at him with doe eyes.

“I-” he started, his breath hot against the tip of your nose as he glanced down to your lips, quickly looking back into your eyes. Why weren’t you moving? Why weren’t you cringing, laughing at the thought of ever kissing him?

“You- Do you want this.” you whispered, letting his thumb pull down at your bottom lip, watching as the plush skin softly bounced back.

He nodded, shivering when you tangled your fingers into his pick curls, pulling his face down and nudging your nose against his. He closed his eyes, a small, cute snort coming from the back of his throat at the affection.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

“FUCK!”

You jumped at the sudden curse, Techno falling off of you and on to the floor besides the couch. Before you could process what just happened, the curse sounded again followed by a crash, both of your senses on high alert when you realised it was Phil’s voice coming from the kitchen. You rushed to grab your weapons from nearby, quickly pulling yourself together on the fact that your friend was in trouble.

You both ran as fast as you could, Techno in front of you with his sword drawn while you were behind loading your cross bow with an arrow. He barged into the kitchen, holding his blade in the air, ready to attack but all he was met with was a pair of wings slapping him in the face.

You dove under the large feathers, bumping the winged man to alert him of your presence.

“Oh... hey guys!” He smiled, taking out something from his ears and resting them on the kitchen counter. He sent a pointed look to the weapons in your hands, crossing his arms over his chest in confusion, “Why the weapons?”

“Are you alright?” Techno said, rubbing his nose from the hit.

“We heard you scream, thought you were in trouble.”

Phil chuckled nervously, “Sorry, my bad,” he turned around to face the both of you, “I just dropped a plate.”

You and Techno let out an audible sigh, dropping your weapons to the floor with a clank. You didn’t know how many times your heart could deal with the sudden bursts of adrenaline. Walking up to Techno, you took his hand away from his face, inspecting the soft red mark across his face from the whip of feathers. No matter how small the attack, you always made sure to check up on him, even when he didn’t need it.

But with your delicate touch came memories of the events that just happened

“Were- were you here the entire time?” Techno said hesitantly, looking up at his father with worried eyes. You took in his words, immediately pulling away from the hybrid, ignoring his small noise of protest.

“Yes, but i put in some ear plugs,” he pointed to them on the counter.

“Oh!” you piped in, “That’s- That’s good.”

“Was there something I missed?” he crossed his arms over his chest, looking at the both of you curiously.

“Nothing!” You both shouted at the same time, chuckling nervously.

“Okay?” Phil dragged out, pointing back to the sink, “Well, I’ll just-”

“Yeah! You- uh, get to that phil,” you began walking backwards, bounced into the edge of the counter. You played off the pain with a quick thumbs up and walking quickly out of the kitchen, mumbling curses under your breath.

“Are they alright mate?” Phil asked his son who seemed to be lost in his own world, staring at the spot you were once in, “Techno?”

“I- what?” He shook his head, “Uh, yeah- they’re,” he let out a small sigh, letting his hand pass over his face, “Yeah, they’re fine.”

“Are you alright?”

Techno didn’t respond for a while, stuck in his own thought. Phil turned to his son, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Tech?”

“I think-” He let out a shaky breath, “I think I love them.”

...

IM SORRY FOR ENDING IT SO SUDDENLY

it was just getting to long and i didn’t want to loose motivation writing more😭

Permanent Taglist (Dream SMP) : @ossinsworld @lunarinnit @starstruckllamapuppy @shio-yuki @lovelychasbug @alice-blue-skies @chaosofsmarty @imamybubbles

Technoblade Taglist : @hyumiid @whenpugzfly @sammyxn @jackalopedoodles @notmesimpingfortechno @immadatmostthings

Crossed out mean couldn't tag :(

#technoblade x reader #technoblade x y/n #technoblade x you #dream smp x reader #dsmp x reader #serenefreakgeek #mcyt x reader

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