#so that they didn't end up leaking out as disapproval or castigation in the meeting - bc i made space for myself to express them

[whentherewerebicycles]

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#really intense advising meeting this morning #i don't really want to process it on the internet (i made macky listen to a little tiny bit of processing) #but sometimes i am good at my job & feel deeply that i am engaged in meaningful and purposeful work #one thing that helped me prepare for this mtg was venting my frustrations in writing first - letting myself have the least generous reaction #and then taking ten very very slow 'in for 4 - hold 4 - out for 8' breaths #and then writing down my core values for engaging with students (to remind myself of how i want to be present with kids) #and then writing down a list of three things that i thought were really important for us to grapple with in the meeting #and then spending some time thinking about how i could bring the two lists together: the core values/practices of engaging students + #the hard truths/helping the student take accountability #and then i came up with a little exercise for us to do so that i wasn't lecturing the student but was asking questions #and giving them lots of space to talk through it and arrive at an answer organically #the impulse to lecture is strong especially when you feel like someone has really messed up a situation and you want to jump in #and immediately tell them how to 'fix' it #but i remind myself: that is not learning - that is just telling #and also just my understanding of the situation or my assumptions about what's going on with the kid are often wrong or incomplete #i want to record this because i think that method of preparing for the meeting was really helpful #and the meeting itself was emotionally heavy but i think really helped us both understand the other better #but yeah ok. what the preparing allowed me to do was #to vent all the negative/frustrated/'why didn't this WORK' feelings first - expressing them instead of repressing them #so that they didn't end up leaking out as disapproval or castigation in the meeting - bc i made space for myself to express them #and then the breathing thing helped me create some separation between the angry brain and the calm compassionate brain #reconnecting with & reminding myself of my core values for engaging with kids helped me not get stuck on the 'problem' we were meeting about #but instead approach the meeting in a more holistic way - focused in empathetic listening & not assuming i know what's going on & #on being an emotionally steady consistent non-punishing person in a kid's life #and all of that combined with making the list of the tough love/hard truths we needed to address #helped ground the compassion - or like helped me remember that #compassionate teaching and mentoring isn't about 'letting kids off the hook' or communicating to them that choices don't have consequences #but is actually about helping them understand and work through the consequences of any choice (positive and negative) in an empathetic way #giving them space to make their own mistakes and then providing a safe/compassionate space for them to emotionally process failure & #take accountability for their actions & reflect on what the experience has taught them