#so their relationship went through the rocky (very rocky) at the start not the middle

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

omfg i'm sorry to rant but i NEED a sympathetic person to hear this. i like the every single album podcast more than most swifties, but today's ep -- and the last few -- are driving me insane. i am so fucking sick of hearing nathan and nora wring their hands over what joe might deal with. all harassment is bad, but i am done pretending that jake g and john mayer went through….any kind of wringer? they had like...a semi-awkward couple of weeks? jake is still a mega a-lister and john mayer is widely considered to be one of the greatest living guitarists. fuck, what mayer did was outright predatory -- and he's done it to multiple women -- and lbr, he lives 99% of his life totally unperturbed by it. he's not losing gigs or status in the places that matter to him; i suspect a lot of swifties aren't aware of this but i'm a guitar nerd, and uh, yeah, he's considered a living god and no one gives a shit what he did to taylor. and literally everyone woman in the public eye, including taylor, goes through worse every single fucking day, even at their heights of popularity. i don't know how to deal with hearing nathan and nora worry about :(((( omg what will joe go through :((((( when he's never going to have disgusting ai porn of himself explode across twitter on a random weekday. maybe i feel this strongly b/c i work in games, where hordes of male fans regularly ruin random women's lives because they animated a female character wearing a t-shirt instead of a string bikini, but i can't deal with this anymore. these men are fine. lots of people get mad at them, but it's because they did truly shitty things to her and she refused to absorb it silently. then it breaks, and their lives go on.

---

I feel like Nora really articulated what Anon was trying to say the other day about along the gist of "I hope something really bad happened to justify all of this." Interesting perspectives! Btw I just want to be super clear that I don't think Taylor or anyone has to justify anything like that! Just thought it was interesting how Nora put it in the latest episode and T's power is the unusual part of this equation.

---

In a very classic "I thought the two of you should meet!" re: today's The Ringer / Every Single Album pod episode.

I will say I read both of these messages before listening to the episode myself and tbh I think Nora ultimately landed in a pretty middle and reasonable place (it started out pretty rocky though) by the end of the episode. My understanding is she ultimately felt like Taylor has every right to tell the story that she wants / needs to tell and the work will speak for itself. That this is Taylor going face to face with the elephant in the room and (probably - we don't know obviously) not obfuscating the reality that we all saw play out in real time behind 'fictionalized' half truths roleplayed by semi-imaginary characters. And at the end of the day the (likely - AGAIN WE DON'T KNOW) reality is that she's prepared to walk through the narrative that is this pressure cooker storyline many are waiting with baited breath for which is the deterioration of her most significant relationship to date.

All that to say is that I think both of these points are incredibly valid. I personally have a lot of feelings wrapped up in it that do tend to come down more on the side of it's strange that the default position is this desire to sign up as first in line defence attorney for a man when the crime as we know it is 'woman writes her life into art'.

Nora interestingly noted that there's a "pressure for this album to come with receipts" (paraphrase) based on this (fan) hyped up narrative of something sinister having gone awry that this album will pull the curtain back on. And if it fails to do that, enter said self-appointed attorneys.

#opinion #tss nanonsense

[kkurades]

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ BITTER SWEET ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

━━ chishiya isn’t used to giving affection so you become friends with tatta and accidentally start drifting away from chishiya which upsets him ( fluff , angst )

word count: 1898

pairing: shuntaro chishiya x fem!reader

warning: ooc chishiya, mention of killing

You and Chishiya met in odd circumstances, but you were glad that you found each other.

However you couldn't figure out how you piqued Chishiya's curiosity.

He was the opposite of you clever, subtle, and cunning while you were noisy, clumsy, and awkward.

If you had met on any other occasions you were convinced that Chishiya would have despised you, but perhaps your kind and extroverted personality provided him solace.

Your relationship started slightly rocky, but you quickly found the ideal balance.

Chishiya figured out that you were someone that thrived off physical contact and made an effort to provide it to you as much as he could.

While you learned that your boyfriend preferred stillness in the morning, so you attempted to tone yourself out to please him.

Both of you appreciated each other's efforts, and you gradually established a strong relationship.

Something you quickly noticed was that Chishiya liked his personal space. While you respected that and never crossed boundaries, you were desperate for more affection.

It didn't even matter who it came from, your boyfriend, a friend, or a stranger.

You didn't care if it wasn't physical or romantic, you just longed for someone constantly around you.

So, you were delighted when Tatta arrived at The Beach.

He was very chill and easygoing and didn't mind you rambling his ear off 24/7.

As time passed, you began growing closer to Tatta to the point that you spend more time with him than with your boyfriend.

At first, Chishiya didn't notice anything until Kuina pointed it out.

She had questioned him who the guy was that you were spending all your time, which baffled Chishiya slightly.

Sure he had seen you around with a guy pretty often, but he knew that you required your daily dose of affection to function properly, and he couldn't give that to you.

So at first, he didn't think much of it until it escalated even further.

Chishiya had promised you to protect you as good as he could during games and preferred for you to be within five feet from him in case something happened, that meant that you practically always joined his games.

But now you were rarely in the same game unless Tatta was standing not even three feet away from you.

Chishiya also noticed that by the time he woke up you would have already left, and when he went to sleep you weren't there either.

The only indication that you actually entered the room was when he would feel you wrap your arms around him in the middle of the night, assuming that he was fast asleep while he wasn't.

The lack of your usual overbearing affection had affected Chishiya which he didn't want to admit it.

He couldn't sleep anymore unless he felt your warmth surrounding him, and he was becoming more reckless during games.

You didn't even know the torment that your boyfriend was going through because you hadn't even noticed it yourself.

While you were aware that your typical affection for your boyfriend had subdued slightly, you assumed he liked it more this way.

Perhaps if he tried to inform you how he felt, then he wouldn't be so desperate for you now.

Briefly, after you established your relationship with Chishiya, you started your own little tradition of where you would sit on the roof on Friday night before the games.

Chishiya had been sitting there for over an hour hoping that you would barge in with a lopsided smile while kissing and hugging him affectionately while he complained jokingly about it.

But you never came because you had fallen asleep on Tatta's floor.

The hours of sleep you missed during the night were catching up to you and while you were waiting for Tatta in his room you had fallen asleep on the floor.

You attempted to fight the sleep because you remembered that you had to meet your boyfriend tonight, which made a lovesick smile appear on your face.

But unfortunately, you couldn't fight it off.

Chishiya let out an aggravated huff when he realized that you weren't coming.

Even though your friendship with Tatta had started long ago, you never skipped your weekly roof date.

It wasn't even a date, and he never told you to come every week, it was just something natural that the two of you did.

There were still two hours left before the games would begin, so Chishiya decided to look for you. Curious as to what you deemed crucial enough to bail on him.

He firstly checked your room but just as he presumed it was empty with no sign of you.

Now that he was examining your shared room, he noticed that the signs that you lived there were nearly none existent.

The soothing scent of your perfume had withered slightly, and your clothing wasn't scattered across the room like it usually is.

His heart clenched as he realized that you had been drifting away from him just because he couldn't listen to you a little longer or hug you slightly more.

You were never a demanding partner, the only thing you asked for was his love and affection.

He quickly shut the door before closing his eyes for a few brief seconds to compose himself, so he could continue his search for you.

Chishiya checked the bar, the pool, and practically every spot that he knew you liked.

Time passed quickly, and it was almost time to start the games.

Your boyfriend's concerns grew because he didn't even know whether you had any visa left or not, so he quickened his pace and began looking for anyone that might know where you are.

First, he approached Kuina who only shook her head before offering to help him search for you.

Then he caught a glimpse of Arisu and Usagi sitting together next to the pool, and he recalled seeing you around them quite often, but they too didn't have a clue as to where you were.

Just as Chishiya was about to walk away, he heard Usagi speak softly.

“Maybe Tatta knows where she is, I saw them earlier today at the bar,”

Chishiya could feel his heart clench once again before nodding at Usagi and bolting off to find Tatta.

He quickly found out what room he lived in and speed walked to it before harshly knocking on the door.

He could feel the anger and frustration rise in him when the man who was stealing you away from him opened the door with a smile.

“Ch-” Tatta was quickly cut off by the blonde-haired man who had been harshly glaring at him.

“Where's my girlfriend?” Tatta looked slightly taken aback by his sudden malice because of the stories you told him about your precious Shuntaro.

That wasn't the adorable man who allows you to tie his hair back for him while cleaning his face, nor was this the man who always had a bottle of water standing on his bedside table to offer to you because you abruptly woke up thirsty.

This was the vicious man that uses and manipulates people, so he could survive, this was the man who was ready to sacrifice everyone around him just so he could make it out alive not caring about their lives.

“She's here-” that was all it took for Chishiya to barge in while looking around to find you.

His hammering heart subsided slightly when he saw you peacefully asleep on Tatta's couch with a blanket thrown over you.

“She said she wanted to wait here until she was going to meet with you, but she fell asleep on the ground, so I put her on the couch,” Tatta nervously clarified while Chishiya sat down beside you.

His slender fingers caressed through your hair while he absorbed the sight in front of him.

“How many days of her visa does she have left?” Chishiya hissed out the words, displeased that he didn't know the answer himself.

“Four. B-”

“I'll take her to our room,” Chishiya didn't say anything else before taking you into his arms in bridal style with a slight huff.

It was a miracle Chishiya made it to your room with no misfortunes because he wasn't exactly really muscular.

Fortunately, he too had some days left, so he gently put you on your bed before pulling the covers over your exhausted form.

His slippers had been carelessly discarded somewhere in your room, and he lay down beside you.

You instinctively curled up into his side, which made a remote smile appear on your boyfriend's face before he wrapped his arms around you.

Chishiya concluded that it felt nice.

Having you so near he brought him solace, and he couldn't comprehend why he ever refused your affection.

He kissed the top of your head lazily while your legs got entangled. His eyes felt like they weighed a ton, so he quickly fell asleep with you pressed against him as close as possible.

Hours later, the sun had risen again, and your eyelids softly fluttered open.

A smile tugged on your lips as Chishiya's softened features were the first thing you saw.

His arms were still tightly wrapped around you and your legs were intertwined together.

You decided to try to enjoy the view for as long as you could before your boyfriend would wake up again.

After a few minutes, you couldn't resist the urge to touch his face. He looked so fragile and he radiated warmth.

Your fingers delicately grazed his jaw before moving to his lips. They felt smooth and warm, but your fingers quickly moved to his cheek and nose.

Your finger skimmed over his mole softly before you straightened out his eyebrows.

He looked majestic in the morning light with his guard down. You couldn't apprehend as to how the man in front of you was real.

When Chishiya regained consciousness, your fingers were softly massaging his scalp which elicited a purr out of him.

Your movements halted at the odd sound coming from your boyfriend, whose lip corners were slightly upturned.

“Don't stop.”

His groggy morning voice sent you over the moon, and you instantly continued.

Chishiya enveloped his arms tighter around your waist, so your back was slightly arched while he nuzzled his face into your neck.

“Give me all of your affection,” his voice was slightly muffled, but you understood him perfectly fine.

“What?” You questioned him with a grin on your face.

“I want you to give me all of your affection,” he stated once again.

“I thought you didn't like it because I was too overbearing,” you sheepishly said.

“I don't care if it's overbearing if it comes from you, I want it.”

His words made you smile softly, and you kissed the crown of his head lovingly, which made him smile.

The two of you enjoyed the quiet morning within one another's arm with occasional kisses before you broke the silence.

“Chishiya?” His soft feathery kisses on your neck didn't stop as he hummed for you to continue.

“I love you.”

Your boyfriend pulled his face out of your neck for the first time that morning to face you with a lazy smile painted across his heavenly features.

“I love you too,” he told you before placing his hand on the back of your neck to kiss you passionately

©cupidsheqrt , 2022.

#aib imagine #alice in boderland x reader #alice in borderland #chishiya imagine #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya x reader #chishiya alice in borderland #aib chishiya #aib fanfic #aib

[starfruitwyne]

Quiet On The Other Line - Bellice Oneshot

Summary:

After encountering yet another bump in the rocky road of her situationship, Bella finds herself on Alice Cullen's doorstep in the middle of the night in the pouring rain. With Edward simmering down by himself in the mountains for a month, Bella takes to Alice for comfort and companionship. Together they start to bond in unexpected ways and Alice starts to wonder if Bella has had ulterior motives from the beginning. // Lots of angst and plenty of sm*t here. Enough to give you an adrenaline rush! You can Google what that is.

Alice wasn't surprised to see the soaked, shivering brunette on her doorstep at three in the morning in the middle of a heavy rainfall. She had received an earful of her aggravated brother's relationship drama all afternoon. Bella this, Bella that. Despite having half listened to at least an hour of Edward’s incessant rambling, Alice scarcely remembered what had caused the fight between him and his equally emotional human lover.

‘Edward’s not home,’ Alice said. And this was true. The broody vampire had left to “clear his head,” as he’d put it. That was always how he’d put it.

‘I know,’ said Bella Swan, the girl on the doorstep. She was soaked to the skin from the violent downpour. Her red college varsity jacket did little to protect her from the wind and rain. At her side, she clutched a thick, canvas tote bag. Her keys dangled from a shiny carabiner hooked to her jeans. Through long, drenched strands of hair, Bella peered up at Alice like a lost kid. ‘I came to see you.’

Alice was confused. Usually, if Edward wasn't around after a fight, Bella would walk home and stay home. Usually, Alice wouldn't see Bella for a few days. Usually, she'd be so distraught, she’d even skip a day or two of college. None of this, none of it at all, was usual. Something must have been very, very wrong.

‘Come in,’ Alice said, not wanting to leave the girl out in the harsh weather.

Bella bowed her head gratefully and quickly shuffled inside like a wet kitten, though she shook like a dog once Alice closed the front door.

‘Why didn’t you bring a freakin’ raincoat? Or even a hoodie, for crying out loud!’ Alice said, bringing her hands to Bella's frozen face. ‘You’re as cold as I am!’

‘It started pouring when I was halfway here,’ Bella shivered. ‘And the truck's in the damn shop again.’

‘Jesus, that's a twenty minute walk! You need a damn phone, you could have called,’ Alice rambled.

‘I know,’ Bella said dismissively, followed by a hard shiver.

‘Someone could’ve come and got you.’

‘I know.’

‘You know I can't always foresee shit like this! If you had a ph—’

‘I know! Alice! I fucking know!’

Alice closed her mouth, stunned by the girl's outburst. She brushed it off and pressed the back of her fingers to Bella's forehead.

‘Go to my room. Get in the shower and then change into whatever.’

‘Are you sure—’

‘Go, just go! You're gonna catch a cold,’ Alice said, gesturing for Bella to hurry upstairs already.

Without another word, Bella did as she was told. She dripped rainwater onto the smooth, marble steps as she went. Alice went to find a mop and met her mother in the kitchen.

‘Is that the Swan girl?’

‘Yeah, she was looking for Edward,’ Alice said. She rummaged through a broom closet.

‘She knows he's not here, right?’ Esme asked, looking up from the sewing project she had laid out on the kitchen table.

‘Yup,’ Alice said. She pulled out a mop and then a plastic bucket.

‘Poor girl,’ Esme said with a motherly frown. ‘Does her father know she's here?’

‘I don't know,’ Alice said. ‘And I've been looking into Edward. He's not coming back for, like, a month. I think.’

‘You’ve seen it?’

‘Yup,’ Alice said. She picked up her bucket and mop and hurriedly left, wanting desperately to avoid any more questions from her mother.

‘Ah, young love,’ Esme sighed.

Love, Alice thought incredulously. Whatever it was that Bella and Edward shared was not love. Infatuation at best. Obsession at worst.

‘I hear those angry words!’ Esme called in a sing-song voice from the kitchen. Alice ignored her and quickened her pace to escape the vicinity of her mother's mind-reading barrier.

Once she had finished mopping up Bella's wet footsteps, she went to check her bedroom for the girl.

She was crying, all curled up in the middle of Alice's reading nook. She had found a pair of tennis shorts and a black band t-shirt. Her clothes were tossed into a heap by Alice's laundry, along with her dirty, green high-tops. Her damp, lengthy hair clung to her trembling shoulders.

‘Hey, woah,’ Alice said, approaching the girl slowly. ‘You gotta tell me what happened this time. Edward never said anything. And I can't read your mind, remember?’

The vampire sat down on her couch next to the quivering ball of tears. She awkwardly placed a hand on Bella's shoulder and stroked it as if she were a pet. The rain beat down on the large skylight above them. Bella’s crying was so distraught, it seemed to be spurring the weather on.

‘Come on, B, tell me what's up,.’ Alice had softened her voice now, a tone she often used with human babies. In her current state, Bella could pass as one.

‘Stupid shit,’ Bella said. She sniffed and shakily sat up, crossing her legs and grabbing a pillow to hold to her chest.

There was something so youthful about the motion. So juvenile. Alice stared at Bella's sad, brown eyes and how they seemed to never end. Two murky pools of deep, dark grief. That was something that Alice secretly thought Bella wore well. Grief. The way the bags under her eyes never seemed to leave simply accentuated her constant gloomy expression. The way her jaw was sharp and rigid when she cried - there was just something about it that Alice found pretty. She was always a sucker for Shakespearean tragedies. Maybe that's where the admiration for such a face came from.

‘He said I'm a brute,’ Bella said hoarsely. ‘That I need to work on myself. And a bunch of other crap. Fucking stupid.’

The girl rested her forehead on her pillow and let out a few more pitiful sobs. Alice continued to pet her shoulder, unsure of what else to do.

‘I’m sure he was just concerned about you,’ Alice said quietly. ‘Boyfriends will say things the wrong way now and again.’

‘He’s not my fucking boyfriend,’ Bella said frustratedly. ‘I dunno what the hell he is or what we are or what any of this shit is.’ Bella slapped her hands against her pillow.

‘Damn,’ Alice said with a chuckle. It wasn’t unusual for Bella to get angry. She had two very dominant emotions: sadness and anger. And a lot of things, Alice noticed, made Bella angry. Authority. Hierarchy. Paris Hilton. But never Edward. It was unusual for her to show so much disdain towards Edward. Tonight, however, seemed to be full of unusual things.

‘Why did he say you were brute?’

‘Because of… everything, I dunno! Vampires and humans and bullshit. I… He said I’m too much, whatever that means. Too much for a vampire? Kiss my fucking ass,’ Bella said, throwing her arms up in frustration. ‘Sorry, I just— Ugh! I'm just sick of him. He called me stubborn. Like a child, y’know? Do I look like a child?!’

Alice pondered this. She lifted away a lock of Bella's damp hair to get a better view of her face. The lamp light illuminated her features — the slope of her button nose, her round cheeks, her frowning lips. However, no matter how warm the light was, the bags under Bella's eyes were dull and prominent. And, of course, Alice thought she wore them quite well.

‘Enlighten me,’ Bella said, grinning amusedly. Her bleary eyes blinked up at the vampire, spilling two more tears over her rosy face.

‘Apart from the pouty lip and angry eyebrows, I wouldn't say you look like a child,’ Alice said. ‘A street fighter, perhaps.’

‘Sick,’ Bella sniffled. She tapped at her nose with a tissue.

‘How come you wanted to see me?’ Alice asked then.

‘Oh, yeah,’ Bella said, suddenly reminded of why she was there.

‘You’re usually only here for Edward,’ Alice added. ‘In fact, I think the last time we spoke one-on-one was a whole month ago. At your volleyball game, remember?’

‘I try not to,’ Bella said. ‘My damn knee still isn't right. I dunno why I thought joining a college team would make me any better at it.’

‘Bella, seriously,’ Alice said, a tiny smirk creeping over her lips.

‘Oh, you're fucking laughing!’

‘I’m not!’

‘Bitch, you're a liar!’

‘Look, when Newton sent you flying into the stratosphere with that slide, it was kind of hilarious, okay? Jesus.’

Bella laughed — really laughed at Alice's confession. She burst into a fit of teary giggles. Alice placed a hand over her grinning mouth. It was rare for Bella to express such outwardly joy. And when it happened it was simply infectious.

‘I always thought you were real funny, y’know?’ Bella said with a tired sigh.

‘Oh, really?’

‘Uh huh, totally.’

‘Well, I'm flattered. But you still haven't answered my question.’

Bella took a shallow breath. ‘Can we smoke first?’

Alice had foreseen the question coming, though not in a vision. Bella usually - if not always - partook in the stuff when she and the other Cullens got together for a hangout. THC was one of the few substances that had any effect on vampires. Carlisle had once explained it had to do with their metabolism. Vampires could experience intense highs from certain chemicals. However, the effects wouldn't last nearly as long as they could for the average human.

In other words, when Bella wanted to smoke, Alice had to smoke even more.

‘You didn't come here just to mooch off my supply, did you?’ Alice asked, rolling the first joint. Her nimble fingers made quick work of the roach and paper. She pushed her sweater sleeves above her elbows for ease of movement. Rolling was serious business. Alice took the utmost pride in her joints.

‘Hey, no, it's not like that,’ Bella said.

‘Easy, I'm joking. I'm funny, remember?’

Alice flicked at her green lighter and held the end of the joint in her mouth over an ashtray. The lighter sparked a couple of times, occasionally giving flame before dying out again.

‘Shit,’ Alice murmured through her teeth.

‘Hang on,’ Bella said. She hopped up from the couch and went to fumble in her tote bag. Alice continued to spark her lighter.

‘Whatcha bring in that thing?’ Alice asked, her sticky joint hanging lazily from her lower lip.

‘Uh, just my phone and shit,’ Bella said nonchalantly. ‘Ah! And this baby,” she smiled, holding up her cherry shaped jet lighter.

‘Cherry, my old friend!’ Alice cheered. ‘Always coming through for us.’

‘Filled her up yesterday,’ Bella said, tossing Alice the tiny blowtorch. ‘I’d have brought some fuel if I’d known yours was dead.’

‘Well, you could have texted me,’ Alice teased, ‘If only you had a—’

‘Oh, give it a rest,’ Bella laughed. ‘Cells freak me out, okay?’

‘I promise you, there’s nothing scary about owning one. Unless you want me to send you a cursed chain letter?’

‘Wow, you’re really selling this to me,’ Bella said, raising an eyebrow.

Alice smirked and flicked at Bella’s lighter. A steady, noisy flame ignited from the ceramic vessel. ‘Hallelujah,’ the vampire smiled. In seconds, the end of her joint was lit. She inhaled. Her vampire strength made for excellent lung capacity. Over the decades, Alice found she had perfected the art of the slow drag, knowing exactly when she had enough smoke to get her buzzed. Alice exhaled without even the slightest cough and passed the joint to Bella.

Bella had been watching her. She rocked back on her crossed legs and leaned against the stack of pillows behind her. Her baby pink lips pursed and took the joint between them. She dragged and puffed and dragged and puffed. And coughed. And dragged again. And puffed again.

‘Fuck, what are you tryna forget?’ Alice asked.

‘Oh, shoot. Guess I should get to talking now, huh?’ Bella choked. She passed the joint back to Alice, who took one more drag before setting it down in the ashtray.

‘Talk to me, B.’

‘Okay,’ Bella sighed. She cleared her throat. ‘Well, first of all, can you tell me how long Edward's gonna be gone for?’

Alice rolled her eyes.

‘Please, Alice? And I won't ask again.’

Alice stared Bella dead in the eye. Had Bella’s visit simply been a disguise to ask her a boatload of questions about her lovesick brother? Was Bella only here to use Alice as her crystal ball?

‘I swear,’ Bella said.

Alice sighed. ‘About a month,’ she said plainly. ‘Three weeks and four days, to be exact.’

Bella exhaled sharply and cursed under her breath. Her mouth formed a thin line and she nodded to herself. ‘Thank you. That's all I wanna know about him, I promise.’

Alice raised a thin eyebrow. ‘Go on.’

Bella dragged her red-knuckled fingers through her hair. It was a bit wavy after having some time to dry. Alice liked it.

‘I just felt like I… wanted to see you. I mean, yeah, I wanted to see you— needed to see you, actually.’

‘Yeah?’ Alice said. ‘Why’s that?’

Bella's chin was tucked into her arm. She had curled up like before, though no pillow was wedged between her and her thighs now. Her pale legs were squeezed together. Alice stared at the slight bruising on Bella's right knee. She gently reached out her hand to stroke it softly. Bella lifted her head to watch.

‘Does it still hurt?’ Alice asked.

Bella shrugged, ‘Just a little.’

Alice wasn't sure what compelled her to do so, but she continued to rub her fingers over Bella's knee in small circles. Bella watched quietly. Alice could tell she was trying not to cry again. Her eyes, now tinted pink from the weed, were growing shiny once more.

Slowly, Bella's hand crept up to hold onto the fingertips that stroked her knee. Alice wordlessly let her. It was such a vulnerable act; so desperate for the touch of another. Even if it wasn't human.

Alice stared at the ring Bella wore. It was an old, gilded, antique thing with a carved image of Jesus adorning its circular face. Alice recalled Bella saying her father had given it to her as a child, but these days he didn't so much as say Grace at dinner.

‘Bella?’ Alice said, softly prompting the girl to speak.

‘I think I just didn't wanna be alone,’ Bella said.

Alice frowned pitifully. ‘Whatever happened to your new college friends? Or your old school friends?’

Bella winced. ‘I think they're all avoiding me. But it's not like I'm a joy to be around lately.’

Alice leaned in closer, moving aside the stray pillows and the ashtray in between them. Bella still hung loosely onto Alice's hand. Gently, Alice squeezed Bella's fingers. The tender touch sent Bella over the edge, as fresh tears spilled over the girl's dark lower lashes.

‘C’mere,’ Alice said. She let Bella sink into her arms. Bella wrapped her arms around the vampire and buried her face into her neck. They stayed like that for some time, Alice slowly rocking Bella and stroking her hair, Bella sobbing against her. The rain outside started to ease until it became a gentle shower.

‘Everybody fucking leaves me,’ Bella said finally. ‘My mom, my friends, Edward; Everybody leaves eventually.’

Alice let the words hang in the air. They were so defeated. And yet, Alice knew that even if she couldn't read Bella's mind, they begged for reassurance.

‘I’m here.’

The girl stiffly pulled away from Alice's embrace. Her eyes were slightly puffy now, only adding to the tragedy which consumed her expression. And still, Alice found it so fitting.

Silently, they gazed at one another — into one another. Alice could hear the slight crackle of Bella's lungs as she breathed, no doubt caused by the copious amount of weed and tobacco the girl smoked daily. It was a wonder how Charlie had never smelled the stuff on her clothes.

Alice followed the direction of Bella's gaze. Her eyes would fall upon her lower face and back up again, asking a question which Alice could not hear.

‘Alice?’ Bella said then.

‘Hmm?’

‘Can I kiss you?’

Alice blinked. Her lips parted in surprise. ‘Kiss me?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh.’

Silence. Unblinking silence. Alice stared. Bella stared.

‘Why?’ Alice said.

Bella chuckled incredulously. She scrunched her eyes, flicking the remnants of tears down her face and onto her knuckles. ‘Because I think you're fucking pretty, that's why.’

‘But… what about��’

‘Don’t say his name,’ Bella interrupted. ‘Please, just don't. I don't wanna think about him.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Alice said.

Bella shook her head, dismissing the apology. She shakily shuffled closer to Alice before flopping down in front of her again. She used both hands to brush Alice's spiky bangs out of her eyes. All the while, Bella made sure to keep eye contact with the vampire. There was a new look on her face - one of determination. Her nose and her cheeks were a sugary blush. Her eyes shimmered, still fending off new tears. Her eyebrows were furrowed as if she were thinking particularly hard about something. And her mouth was a thin, pink line.

Bella's hands came to a stop at either side of Alice's face. She cupped her like a precious jewel. Her big, brown eyes were so intense. Alice thought about how burdened they looked.

‘You’re sooo pretty, dude. I can't fucking believe it sometimes,’ Bella said, still with that hardened expression.

‘You look so damn angry,’ Alice said softly. She brushed her thumb over Bella's wrist. She knew it would do little to soothe her.

‘Kiss me, Alice,’ Bella whispered.

Alice licked her lips instinctively. Their faces were inches apart. Alice could see the depth of colour in Bella's eyes now. When she looked closely, she could see flecks of sparkly caramel. The hint of a rusty, red hue also hid behind the earthy brown. Like rich clay in a riverbed.

Bella had freckles. They were a delicate fawn colour and were sprinkled over the apples of her cheeks, her forehead, and the tip of her nose. Alice was compelled to count them. To just spend the day sitting and talking and counting.

Alice couldn't remember who had leaned in first. And usually, she was quite good at remembering things. But one moment she was taking Bella in, and the next she was pressed against Bella's body, kissing her tenderly as the girl straddled her lap.

The kiss was slow. Bella's hands had found their way under Alice's sweater. Even so, they only lingered around her waist and back. Alice's hands were lost in Bella's hair. She allowed herself to tug on it every so often, eliciting a quiet moan from the girl.

Bella tasted like weed. And Monster Energy. And gun metal. It was intoxicating. She smelled like a burning forest; pine needles and smoke and charred flowers. When their lips would pull apart, Alice found that she was the one to close the gap again. And still, it was all so careful; full of the intensity and lust of a first kiss, but holding an air of unspoken hesitance.

Bella was out of breath when the kiss finally came to a natural end.

‘Shit,’ the girl panted.

‘You good?’ Alice asked softly.

‘Yeah, I’m good,’ Bella laughed breathily. She removed her hands from underneath Alice's sweater. The vampire was surprised at the sheer warmth they left behind. Memories of the girl's presence. Ghosts on her skin

‘Um… I should go. I've probably overstayed my welcome,’ Bella said, glancing at the clock over Alice's writing desk.

‘At this hour? Out there?’ Alice asked, looking out her window. The rain, though no longer violent, still fell at a pace that was less than inviting.

‘Yeah.’

‘Bella, just stay here.’

‘Are you sure—’

‘Yeah, idiot. I'll make up the couch bed for you.’

‘Geez, well, if you insist,’ Bella smirked. Something about the smirk told Alice that Bella knew she'd rather be executed than let the girl catch pneumonia.

Quickly, Alice got to fishing out top sheets and meticulously fluffing up pillows, much to Bella’s amused protests. Alice waved her hand away and smoothed down the sheets. She was hosting. That was something she did best.

‘Seriously, you’re not a hotel maid,’ Bella said. ‘I don’t need— What is that?’

‘A spritz of lavender essential oil. It’ll help you sleep,’ Alice said, smiling proudly at her work.

‘Jesus,’ Bella laughed. ‘I think you’re doing too much.’

‘Am I?’

‘Totally.’

‘Good.’

Soon Bella was tucked under thick blankets. She nestled down like a rabbit in a warm burrow, closing her eyes once she was in a comfortable position. Alice decided to sit by her writing desk, facing her from across the small room.

‘Comfy?’ Alice asked.

‘Mmf,’ Bella said through the fuzzy covers.

‘I’ll take that as a yes.’

Alice continued to watch the girl. Only the top of her face peeked out from the covers. It was almost five in the morning. Birdsong had begun to swell outside, greeting the warm hue of the slowly rising sun. Bella’s soft snoring joined their chorus.

Alice laughed quietly. She turned towards her desk and absentmindedly drummed her fingers against the wood.

‘Ali?’ came a sleepy voice.

‘Hmm?’ Alice said, turning around once again.

Bella’s eyes were still closed. She had turned slightly to face Alice.

‘I like kissing you.’

Before Alice could process the whispered words, Bella was snoring quietly again. The vampire exhaled through her nose, surprised yet again by the human’s unusual behaviour tonight.

‘Same,’ she said to herself.

☆

When Bella left the next morning, awoken by an unimpressed phone call from her father, Alice was left wondering if they’d ever again hang out the way they had. Alone. Just the two of them. Something about the night’s activities left Alice yearning for more. More pointless conversation. More bitching about her mopey brother. All of it had made Alice feel so warm. It had made her feel like a girl. It had made her feel human.

And the kiss. At first, it did not thrash around Alice’s mind the way she had expected it to. But it still lurked in the corners. Three whole days went by, and still, it crept into Alice’s frontal lobe when she folded her laundry. It flashed across her vision when she tried to read or write in her bedroom. Only ever in brief bursts. Only ever a whisper of what the kiss had truly been.

And then it started to plague her. It appeared in her daydreams in vivid colour, wrapping itself around her brain like an obsessive, flesh-eating worm. Afraid of her family peering into her thoughts, Alice began to seclude herself in her bedroom. But staying in the place where the kiss had happened did little to banish it from her memory.

Alice tried to write to distract herself, but all of her poems and stories ended up being about love and pink lips and girls with big, brown, puppy dog eyes. How could one kiss take up so much of Alice’s mental capacity? It was getting ridiculous.

‘Swanny girl’s been looking rough lately,’ said Rosalie, passing Alice by in the kitchen. The clock struck noon. Alice raised her eyebrows. She could have sworn it had been much later in the day. When Alice didn’t reply, Rosalie continued.

‘Saw her passing through town the other day. Does she even sleep? Humans need a lot of that, don’t they?’

‘That’s rude,’ Alice said, mulling over a wineglass of deer blood.

‘Ooh, is that fermented?’ Rosalie asked, swiping the glass before Alice could protest. She sipped once before Alice could stop her.

‘Girl,’ Alice said.

‘Geez, you're off your game today. Hanging around Bella threw off your foresight, huh?’

‘Leave her be, she's dealing with Edward.’

‘Oh, I know. He seemed pretty heated when he took off. I told him to spare me the details of his lover’s quarrel though.’

‘He didn't tell me anything about it anyway,’ Alice said, trying to hide her frustration.

If there was one thing she didn't like about Bella, Edward never spoke about her to anyone. Never allowed her to cross his mind when surrounded by family.

Alice loved her brother, even if it was not always reciprocated. She cared about his wellbeing. And not being allowed to know about someone who so greatly impacted his immortal life thoroughly bothered her.

‘You said a month, right? Girl's gonna be abusing that drum set of hers.’

‘They’ll hear it halfway to the moon,’ Alice chuckled fondly.

Bella played drums. Alice remembered how she had explained that it channelled her anger into something productive. The vampire admired that about her. She was full of rage. But she had somewhere she felt safe putting it. Even though Charlie had to beg her to “can it” after nine pm.

‘You coming with us to hunt later? We're looking for deer,’ Rosalie said, typing rapidly on her white Nokia.

‘I’ll think about it,’ Alice said.

‘Aw, come on! You can get blood drunk at noon some other time.’

‘I’m not getting blood drunk!’

‘Oh, please. I barely had to tip the glass to get that sip.’

Alice laughed at her sister's quick wit. ‘Okay, look, I'll strongly consider it.’

‘Great. See you in the clearing at six then,’ Rosalie said, walking off with her eyes glued to her phone.

Alice huffed. She wasn’t particularly in the mood for hunting today, and that was truly telling that something was bothering her. She loved the thrill of a good, long chase. She loved feeling the dirt between her fingernails and the salty air of the bay on her tongue. Most of all, she loved the catch. She could not deny the guilty pleasure that would overcome her after a successful hunt. Alice relished the sensation of bringing a living thing to its demise, tearing at flesh and sinew with her sharp teeth. She was somewhat of an animal herself, after all. How could she starve her beastly instincts of the adrenaline rush of killing?

Sighing, Alice went to take another sip of her deer blood, only to find out that Rosalie had sneakily stolen it. Perhaps Bella truly had shaken her foresight askew.

‘Bitch!’ Alice yelled into the house.

‘Thank you!’ came a faint reply.

Perhaps a good hunt would take her mind off of Edward. And Bella.

☆

The deer was fast. It weaved in and out of the trees like the wind itself. It knew these woods. But Alice knew them better. She had seen many of these trees when they were only skinny saplings. She had watched humans map out the hiking trails. Knowing this, Alice let the deer run ahead. She would catch up eventually.

It was always a treat when the other animal put up a fight — posed a good challenge. As Alice slowed her sprint, Carlisle, Emmett, and Esme caught up with her.

‘What a runner!’ Esme exhaled. ‘She’s taking us to the border!’

‘Well, she won’t reach it,’ Emmett said, grinning smugly.

‘You don’t plan on taking the kill do you?’ came a voice from above. Rosalie dropped down from the trees. Her leather hunting boots lifted the pine needles from the forest floor as she landed.

‘Don’t worry, babe. I’m a man of my word. No one’s taking down that deer but you.’

Rosalie placed a loving kiss on Emmett’s cheek. Alice faked a gag.

Carlisle sniffed the air, looking for signs of where the deer had fled. He stretched out his back and placed his hands on his hips. ‘I’d say if we split and circle, we’ll be able to direct her back into our territory. If we let her get too close to the border, that’s dinner off the table.’

Alice looked in the direction the deer had run. She closed her eyes and inhaled, allowing herself to smell every little note the forest held within. She rooted her boots to the ground, letting her body absorb every small motion; every padded footstep and slow blink. In her mind’s eye, she saw that Carlisle’s plan would work. However, for everything to play out correctly, the coven would have to move quickly.

‘You’re on the money, Carlisle,’ Alice said. ‘But we need to move now!’

‘Perfect,’ Carlisle grinned. ‘Esme, Emmet, the three of us will form the triad formation. Alice and Rosalie, outer circle.’

‘Adaptive triad, on your mark,’ Alice and Rosalie said in unison. They crouched at the ready.

‘Move out,’ Carlisle instructed.

In seconds, the family had split. Alice and Rosalie created a wide circle around the deer’s trail. The rest of the Cullens would form a triangle around the animal, decreasing in size as it became easier to trap.

Alice could swear she could feel her heartbeat when she ran this fast. Like the still ichor within her had suddenly found a purpose to flow once more. Nothing could distract her at this moment. Alice was locked in like the beast she was, pinpoint-focused on the task at hand and absolutely nothing else.

A faint rumbling noise sounded off in the distance. It played out in a rhythmic, four beat time signature. When Alice listened closer, she could hear the quiet reverb of an accompanying instrumental track.

“Laid to Rest.”

‘Lamb Of God?’ Alice thought out loud. She listened for longer, coming to a stop in the middle of her sprint. ‘Bella,’ she whispered.

The aggressive melody of the Lamb Of God song was being bashed out at a violent pace. It sounded like Bella had moved her drumset to the garage, most likely under Charlie’s wishes.

She played every note like she had the intention of somehow killing each one. Alice was intrigued. She listened and felt for Rosalie’s presence. She was already starting to hone in on the deer. Taking this as a sign that she could break away from the group, Alice leapt into a nearby tree, scaling it so she could gain a better vantage point to listen to Bella’s angsty performance.

Atop the thick branches, Alice closed her eyes and listened. A vision formed. She could see the girl, alone in her garage with the roller door up. Her truck was probably still in the shop. But its absence certainly gave Bella more room in there.

She was heating up from her rigorous playing and had stripped down to a white tank top and baggy sweatpants. A small cross hung from a dainty chain around her neck. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, though it did little to stop the finer hairs from falling over her lashes as she played. Alice envisioned Bella’s hands and was surprised to find that they were bandaged and slightly bloodied. What on earth had she been up to over the last three days?

Charlie was away today, Alice could sense it. She could also guess from seeing the cigarette that dangled from Bella’s lip. Bella had stolen a few of her father’s Newports. A second one rested behind her ear. A third was nestled in her pants pocket.

The thought of Edward was surely still bothering Bella. She looked pained. Frustrated. So damn angry. Alice’s attention, unfortunately for her family, had been grabbed by the neck.

Where are you? I’m about to move in. It was Rosalie’s voice in Alice’s mind. Unsurprisingly, she sounded very annoyed.

I’m here in the canopy. Do you need me?

I guess not. But why? Where are you going?

Alice didn’t answer. And Rosalie didn’t wait for her to. Alice heard the crunch of meat and bone as her sister took down the deer, a mile away from where she stood. Alice jumped down from her tree and started up a sprint in the other direction.

It was time to pay someone a visit.

☆

‘Fucking damn it!’ Bella groaned, slamming her drumsticks down on her set.

Obscured by thick foliage, Alice watched her from afar, studying her intently like the forest creatures she hunted. Prey. Amusing prey.

‘There you are,’ Rosalie huffed. She reeked of her fresh kill. Dark splashes of blood ran down her hunting gear and smeared across her lips. She joined Alice on her chosen tree branch, swaying it gently.

‘Rosalie,’ Alice greeted.

‘What happened back there? Why are you here?’

Alice had predicted Rosalie’s arrival and also her question.

‘I just wanted to see her,’ Alice said quietly. ‘I heard her across the forest.’

‘So did I! But I didn't dissolve the hunt over it!’ Rosalie said. When Alice didn’t answer, Rosalie followed Alice’s line of sight. She clicked her tongue. ‘What has you so interested?’

Alice shook her head, ‘I don’t know. I just think she’s so fascinating. Don’t you?’

Bella was sparking up her second cigarette. She had sat herself upon a treestump in her front lawn. The temperature change sent a shiver down her spine. The sweat on her skin had surely been cooled by the evening air. She rubbed at one arm and continued to smoke.

‘Truly fascinating,’ Rosalie hummed. Her mouth curled to one side and she wrinkled her nose. ‘You’re not fawning over this girl, are you?’

Alice’s eyes widened. ‘What? No, of course not. Edward would freak,’ she hissed.

‘As if,’ Rosalie said. ‘You’re his favourite.’

‘That’s a joke. And I won’t be inserting myself into his relationships.’

‘Well he certainly isn’t nurturing this relationship, if you could even call it that.’

‘Rosalie!’ Alice gasped.

‘I’m serious. All he’s done to that girl is love bomb her, throw childish fits, and abandon her when he needs to take responsibility. And I’m damn sick of everyone leaning back and watching it happen.’

The blonde vampire’s face was stern. The blood on her mouth had begun to dry, cracking and flaking onto the forest floor. Her lower lip was sucked under the top one in a tense frown.

‘I don’t particularly like her,’ Rosalie said. ‘But I also don’t like how Edward’s treating her. All this running away.’

‘Things are complicated between them,’ Alice said.

‘I don’t see how up and leaving the girl by herself will help that.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘What do you wish I was saying?’

Alice was silent. Rosalie observed her wordlessly. There was a hint of what Alice could only describe as sadness in her eyes. She was unsure of why it was there.

Suddenly, that look of sadness changed to one of surprise. Rosalie’s mouth slowly hung open and she frantically looked Alice up and down. Her brow lowered, creating lines at the corners of her eyes.

‘You kissed her?’

Alice bared her teeth. She must have let the memory slip. She could not pinpoint when the vision had crossed her mind exactly. But Rosalie had caught it. Rosalie knew.

‘It wasn’t my idea,’ Alice whispered guiltily.

‘Dear god,’ Rosalie said, stretching the last word.

‘She just— She wanted to! It really wasn’t anything like that. I haven’t even thought about it, really. Until now, I suppose. But I mean it, it didn’t mean anything. We were high.’

‘This is… Damn, this is—’

‘We were high. And she was so upset. And— And it was so nice, Rosalie. It was so nice. And it wasn’t for very long. I…’

Rosalie stared, letting Alice ramble herself into her grave.

‘Oh, I've screwed up. Say something, Rose.’

‘Hey, all right. Calm down, I’m not angry. I’m kind of happy for you.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Come on, Alice. Don’t pretend like you haven’t been gushing about a partner since the day we met. I think you even hit on me when we did.’

‘Oh god, do you think I look desperate?’

‘No, stupid. I think you need to catch a break. Look, what you guys choose to do is your decision.’

‘I don't want to do anything with her,’ Alice said.

‘Why’s that?’

‘Because! Because... I don’t think she needs that right now.’

‘Needs what? A healthy relationship?

‘No, Rose. Another one of… us.’

‘Ain’t that the truth,’ Rosalie sighed heavily. She poked her tongue into the inside of her cheek. ‘What are you going to do then?’

Alice watched Bella through the leaves. She hated how pretty she looked when she was focused. Shaking the thought away, Alice pulled her eyes away from the scene.

‘I need to tell her we can’t kiss again.’

‘Man,’ Rosalie said, ‘This coven’s a damn soap opera these days.’

Alice laughed sadly. ‘I think it’s the right thing to do. I think if I stop this now, it’d hurt Edward less. Won’t it? God, tell me it will.’

Rosalie shrugged. ‘He’ll find out regardless.’

Alice let those words sit with her. Suddenly, Bella’s drums started up again. Both vampires turned to watch her.

Rosalie sighed. ‘We’ll put your drink aside. See you at home.’ She placed a tender hand on Alice’s shoulder and stared at her with a knowing sincerity. Alice watched her silently disappear between the tree trunks. She turned back towards Bella, who was trying to master a particularly difficult part of her song.

Carefully, Alice slipped down from the tree and began to walk towards Bella’s garage. The girl spotted her quickly and quit her drumming to wave at the vampire. Alice waved back.

‘Yo!’ Bella exclaimed. She hopped up from her drum set and hurried over to bring Alice into an awkward hug. ‘Whatcha doing here?’

‘Hey, B,’ Alice said, smiling warmly, ‘I was just out hunting with my family.’

‘Shit, well, it’s nice to see you. You missed Charlie. He left not too long ago.’

‘Ah, gone for the evening?’

‘For the night. You wanna smoke?’

‘I don’t mind.’

Bella playfully punched Alice’s arm and brought her inside. The house was cooled by the late summer air. A glowing, honeyed hue was creeping in through the windows, draping over the walls and furniture like a gold-spun gossamer blanket. Bella sat Alice by the breakfast table and laid out her smoke box between them. Sunlight pooled into her dark eyes, turning them from deep brown to a gilded amber. It was magic.

‘You’re awfully quiet,’ Bella observed as she unfurled a new slip of wax paper.

‘I guess I’m just tired after the hunt,’ Alice said.

‘Nice save,’ Bella chuckled. ‘Something bothering you? You might as well take your turn to unload on me after last weekend.’

‘Aw, Bella, I didn’t mind our talk. You needed it.’

‘Yeah, yeah, whatever. What’s up?’

‘Your smoke alarm is about to go off.’

‘Huh?’

A high pitched beeping noise blared over the kitchen. A thin pillar of smoke was rising from the oven.

‘Shit! My hashbrowns!’

Bella scrambled out of her chair, knocking it to the tiled floor with a bang. She flung open the oven door and stuffed a towel around the metal tray inside. Frustrated, she slammed the tray into the kitchen sink and coughed as she waved away the smoke.

‘Aw, it’s fucked,’ Bella muttered, staring at the blackened pucks of potato.

‘I’m sorry, my foresight has been so off lately,’ Alice said, turning to open a window.

‘I ain’t blaming you, dude,’ Bella chuckled, fanning the grey mist out of the house. ‘Shit, well, I guess I gotta order takeout. That was the last thing I had to eat for tonight.’

‘It’s Wednesday, you didn’t do any grocery shopping over the weekend?’

‘No, I was crying and eating your face off last weekend, remember?’

‘Oh, yeah.’

Bella snickered. ‘Light up on the porch, I’m ordering a pizza.’

Alice gathered the half-rolled joint and sat herself outside. She had to shield her eyes from the low, setting sun. Her skin glittered softly, but she knew she’d soon be safe from its damning rays.

She fiddled with the end of Bella’s joint and flicked at her lighter. It sparked and failed again.

‘Shit, yeah, you’re dead,’ Alice muttered, turning the plastic thing in her hand.

She had forgotten. Sighing, Alice leaned back on her step, letting the chill forest breeze brush over her face. The faint smell of burnt hashbrowns mixed with the mountain air. Something began to tap rapidly at Alice’s left knee. When she looked, she noticed it was her fingers. They quickly rapped against her knee like they were trying to gain her attention. Unsettled, Alice placed her other hand over them.

Odd, she thought. Phantom nerves, perhaps.

‘That’s done,’ Bella said, appearing on the porch steps. She hunkered down next to Alice and handed her the cherry lighter. ‘Sorry, I forgot yours is bust.’

‘At least one of us remembered,’ Alice said.

Bella briefly narrowed her eyes at the statement. She shrugged it off after Alice finally sparked up. They sat in silence as Alice took the first pull.

‘You said your family went hunting?’ Bella said, taking her turn to drag. ‘Did you not go with ‘em?’

‘I did.’

‘They leave without you, or?’ Bella trailed off.

‘Uh, no. I kind of ditched them.’

‘Flake,’ Bella grinned, tapping out her ashes.

‘I wanted to stop by,’ Alice said.

Bella inhaled and puffed. ‘Just to see me?’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

Bella fiddled with the roach of her joint, turning it over and over between her fingers. A small smile was creeping across her face. It was dripping with mischief.

‘What?’ Alice said.

‘Oh, nothing,’ Bella replied and went to take another drag.

‘What?’ Alice repeated, more urgently than she would have liked.

‘Well,’ Bella began, ‘You’ve never stopped by before. Not by yourself. And not to see me. Just me.’

‘Yeah,’ Alice said. She didn’t know what else to say.

‘I don’t mind, ya know?’

Silence. Alice watched the girl drag once more, reeling back to cough a few times.

‘Y’good?’ Alice asked.

‘Good,’ Bella choked. She brushed a hand over her face, giving Alice a glance at her bandaged knuckles.

‘Hey, what happened to you?’ the vampire asked, reaching out to inspect the damage.

‘Hmm?’

‘Your hands, B, you look like you've been cage fighting.’

‘Oh!’ Bella laughed, ‘Yeah, uh, I was just punching shit.’

‘Punching?’

‘Yeah, walls and stuff,’ Bella said. She nodded over to an old, disintegrating brick wall, which stood at the end of her lawn. ‘I been punching that thing, uh, a lot. And also the drywall in my room. My wardrobe is currently hiding quite the crater.’

‘Geez,’ Alice said.

‘Yeah, shit’s fucked,’ Bella said, puffing shortly on her joint.

‘How have you not broken something?’

‘I dunno.’

Alice shook her head in amazement. ‘You are so bizarre.’

‘Thank you.’

Silence. Staring. Silence.

‘Look, Bella,’ Alice started.

‘Yeah, here it is,’ Bella laughed quietly.

‘No, listen. I wanted to ask you something. About last weekend?’

‘Mhmm?’ Bella nodded, tapping her joint and letting it die in her fingers.

‘About… the kiss?’

‘Ah,’ Bella said. Her gaze was focused on her green high-tops. She shuffled them awkwardly. ‘You come here for round two?’ the girl asked. She forced a sheepish grin.

‘Bella,’ Alice said dolefully.

‘I’m joking.’

‘I know.’

Silence.

‘I don’t think we should do it again,’ Alice said finally. ‘I think it’d just make things more complicated for you. Don’t you think?’

‘Hell if I know what’s good for me,’ Bella shrugged. She flicked her roach into the gutter. ‘But, yeah. Maybe you’re right. I’m sorry if I’ve made things weird between us—’

‘Not at all, absolutely not at all,’ Alice breathed. ‘I promise.’

‘Okay,’ Bella said. ‘Good.’

A delivery truck began to approach the house. Alice hurriedly stood and rushed inside. Her skin was still shimmering against the sunset. As she waited for Bella to fix up with the driver outside, she silently rehearsed her departure. It was done. She wouldn’t have to worry about Bella or kissing her or thinking of kissing her anymore. She could deal with composing her explanation to Edward later.

‘He forgot my sauce,’ Bella grumbled once she reappeared in the kitchen. Once she had set her food down on the table, she glanced over to Alice awkwardly looming by the doorway.

‘You’re leaving?’

The vampire played with her fingers. ‘Oh, yeah. I thought I should get going.’

‘Stay a while.’

The words caught Alice off guard. She had expected Bella to want some alone time after such a loaded conversation.

‘I mean, are you sure?’

‘Yeah, dude. I was gonna put on What Lies Beneath.’

‘You hate that movie.’

‘Yeah, but I like watching it with other people,’ Bella shrugged.

Alice couldn’t help the amused smile that crossed her face. ‘I’m dressed in my hunting gear.’

‘Then wear something of mine.’

It was clear that Bella didn't plan on letting Alice leave any time soon. Thinking it'd be rude to refuse her invitation a second time, Alice gave in.

‘All right. But I’ll bounce after.’

‘Cool.’

☆

Alice sat on the lumpy couch in Bella's living room, dressed in a pair of her sweats and an oversized hoodie. Bella finished two slices of her pizza before becoming engrossed in the low-budget horror movie. Despite it being a movie she heavily disliked, she knew the ins and outs of every terrible shot and stilted line of dialogue. She laughed at every cheap jumpscare and rewound when Alice laughed too. During the boring parts, Bella rolled a handful of pinners and insisted they be smoked to “enhance the experience.” Alice joked that she was the only human who could out smoke a vampire, though she didn’t exactly doubt the notion either.

With about a half hour left of the screening, Bella’s pocket buzzed and beeped. She idly fished out a shiny, silver Motorola.

‘Are you joking? When did you get that?’ Alice questioned.

‘Oh, yeah,’ Bella said sheepishly, ‘I decided to finally enter the digital age,’ she said, awkwardly waving the phone about.

‘Since when?’

Bella shrugged. ‘I’m, like, nearly twenty-one. And if my college friends weren't initially on my ass about it, you sure hammered it into me last weekend.’

‘Who’s in it? Add me!’

‘Sure,’ Bella smiled, handing the phone over.

Alice excitedly clicked on Bella's contacts. She glanced over the small list of names. Her father was pinned at the top of the list. Alice also recognised the names of Bella's old high school friends and a few names she did not recognise.

One particular name stuck out like a sore thumb.

‘You have Edward on here.’

‘Uh, yeah. I had his number in my journal from, like, a year ago. He told me to take it down. Just in case I ever decided to get some digits.’

‘Did you text him?’

Bella was quiet. She was focused on the screen of the TV now, sheltered by her long hair.

‘I did,’ she said bluntly.

‘And?’

‘He hasn't responded.’

Bella messed with the shoulder of her tank top. Her eyes were locked on the TV, but they did not move.

‘I’m sorry, I didn't mean to upset you,’ Alice said.

‘It’s fine. I don't care.’

Alice frowned. She gently brushed away the curtain of Bella’s hair that separated them on the couch. Her mouth had formed into a familiar thin line. Her cheeks shifted as she clenched and unclenched her jaw.

So damn angry.

‘You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?’

‘I’m very sure.’

‘All right,’ Alice said softly.

Without realising, Alice had let her fingers linger in Bella’s hair. Her fingertips rested behind the shell of her ear. Bella turned herself slightly, not leaning into the touch but not pulling away either. Her eyes were still narrowed, still angered by the person on her phone.

‘It’s okay,’ Alice whispered tenderly. A finger slipped from Bella’s ear and stroked her cheek. Bella blinked slowly as she studied Alice's face.

‘What?’ Alice whispered.

‘Hmm?’ Bella said.

Alice smiled crookedly. ‘What are you looking at?’

‘You.’

‘Mm,’ Alice hummed.

‘I like looking at you,’ Bella said.

‘Oh, yeah?’

‘Uh huh, very much so.’

Damn it, Alice thought. This was not the type of conversation that people who don't kiss would have. And Bella was looking extremely kissable right now. All glowy in the light of the TV. Warm from the weed. Soft to the touch.

Bella had turned her body so that she was leaning towards the vampire. One hand was nestled between them, dangerously close to Alice's hip. The girl's chin was tilted upwards, practically inviting Alice in. It became clear to Alice that vampires weren't the only creatures to harness the power of seduction.

‘I like looking at you too,’ Alice said. Her voice was a low whisper as if she were telling Bella a closely guarded secret. In a way, Alice felt like she was. She wasn’t supposed to say things like this to Bella. Right? Friends don’t speak to each other like that.

Right?

‘What do you like about looking at me?’ Bella asked. Her eyes had half closed and the hint of a smirk played on the corners of her lips.

If Alice could blush the way humans did, she was certain she’d be redder than Bella’s cherry lighter.

The vampire’s throat ran dry. Her next word was strained but true.

‘Everything.’

Bella was inches away now. She placed a gentle hand on Alice’s thigh and slid it upwards.

‘We can't,’ Alice whispered, though she found herself leaning in just as close.

‘I know,’ Bella whispered back, tilting her head ever so slightly.

‘Oh, Bella,’ Alice whined. Mournful. Wanting.

The end of Bella's name was cut short by an eager mouth. Firm lips pressed against Alice's, so hard the vampire feared Bella would bruise herself. It was so hungry. And frighteningly determined.

The girl slid into Alice's lap, and Alice couldn't stop the way her hands fell onto Bella's hips or trailed up her back under her tank top; how they clawed down Bella's skin, how they pulled her even closer.

The kiss was a mess, all tongue and teeth. Alice couldn't get enough. It was addictive. She nipped at Bella's lower lip and lost her hands in the girl’s hair, not minding how rough she was being; Bella's soft moaning only spurred her on.

Bella sucked once on Alice's tongue, slow and deliberate. When she pulled away with a ragged breath, Alice could see the hard nubs of her nipples poking through her white tank top, which had slid up significantly to reveal her pale under breast. Her ribs peeped out from under the thin fabric. Alice gasped at how soft she looked. Her pale silhouette tinted blue against the TV screen made her look as if she were made of milk glass.

‘No bra?’ Alice said breathlessly.

‘Yeah, yeah, fuck the patriarchy,’ Bella panted. And Alice giggled.

Their lips collided once more. Bella held Alice's face in both hands, kissing her with a passion that was so intense it was almost animalistic. Feral.

Alice shifted in her place on the couch, causing Bella to moan into her mouth.

‘Shit,’ Bella gasped, pulling away briefly. ‘Do that again. Please?’

‘This?’ Alice asked, pushing her hips upwards and into Bella's straddled centre.

‘Uh huh,’ Bella squeaked.

Alice obeyed. She began to grind herself over Bella's sweatpants, allowing some error for the girl to settle into her rhythm.

‘Jesus,’ Bella panted, ‘Fuck. Shit.’

‘Does that feel good?’ Alice asked shakily.

‘So good,’ Bella nodded. Her hair began to stick to one side of her face and forehead. It reminded Alice of when she’d shown up on her doorstep in the rain.

The way Bella’s hips moved with Alice's was simply hypnotising. Alice observed every bone and muscle working together to aid Bella towards her high. And it wasn't far off, judging by the girl's quickening pace.

Alice's eyes fell on Bella's heaving chest. She inched Bella forward so that she could take one nipple between her lips through the fabric. She tugged lightly, eliciting a needy whine from the girl.

‘Don’t stop,’ Bella breathed, ‘Please, don't fucking stop.’

Bella's hands gripped Alice's shoulders. She bucked into her frantically, beginning to lose her rhythm as her orgasm finally rose to the surface.

It was heaven to watch. Bella pressed herself deep into Alice's centre, grinding slower and slower until she'd rode out every last wave of her release. She had fallen against Alice's chest and buried her face into the vampire's neck. Alice rested hers into Bella's mane of hair.

Bella trembled against her, still rubbing out the last of the high. Eventually, she came to a still, letting her breath catch up to a regular speed. Alice stroked her smooth back with both hands, allowing the girl to collect herself.

For a while, Bella's irregular breathing filled the room. The movie had long ended. Alice stroked the girl's hair with one hand, her other draped over her back.

‘Shit,’ Bella finally mumbled against Alice's hoodie.

‘Yeah,’ Alice sighed finally. ‘Shit indeed.’

‘We… I shouldn't have that.’

Bella shakily sat up on the vampire’s waist. And of course, Alice would have painted her vision on the finest canvas. Hung it in the damn Louvre. Written poetry about how pretty every damn hair on her damn head was. She was perfect. Half naked, hair dishevelled. Perfect.

‘You’re so beautiful,’ Alice said.

Bella huffed, ‘Thanks.’

‘I mean it,’ Alice said.

‘Well… You still want to leave?’ Bella asked, turning back towards the vampire.

Alice laughed. She couldn't help it.

‘I probably should.’

‘Damn.’

‘I’m sorry, I said I'd be home later.’

‘Can you lie?’

Alice rolled her eyes and went to budge Bella off of her. The girl hissed, startling Alice.

‘What? What is it?’ Alice asked worriedly.

‘Nothing, I… I'm just really wet.’

‘Oh,’ Alice said.

The two burst into a fit of giggles, falling about the couch as they did. Bella awkwardly pulled down her tank top and insisted Alice keep her clothes, no doubt a reason for them to meet up again.

‘You can text me, you know?’ Alice grinned, standing with Bella on her front porch. ‘Whenever you need.’

‘I know. Thank you,’ Bella said. ‘Um, and thanks for… staying a bit.’

‘No problem,’ Alice said. ‘I guess I'll see you around?’

‘Yeah,’ Bella said. ‘I’ll see you. Around.’ She gestured awkwardly.

‘Goodnight, Bella.’

‘Night,’ Bella said, waving shyly as Alice descended the steps.

‘Ali?’ Bella called.

Alice turned to face her inquisitively.

Bella tapped her foot on the porch wood. ‘This was… We can’t… What do we do now? After… all that?’

‘I don't know, B,’ Alice said softly.

Bella nodded dumbly. ‘Was it… bad?’

‘Bad?’

Bella cleared her throat. ‘Was it a bad thing that we did this?’

Alice frowned - a heavy sadness weighing down her chest. She walked back up the porch steps and drew Bella in for a firm hug. The girl hugged her back just as tightly, burying her face into the soft fabric of Alice’s borrowed hoodie. When Alice pulled away, Bella’s winced expression resembled that of a wounded animal.

‘How about we talk about it another time?’ Alice whispered.

Bella’s lips pouted for a brief moment before she nodded slowly.

‘All right,’ Alice said quietly.

Bella reached down to kiss her, slow, firm, and longingly; as if it would be the last time she’d ever get the opportunity. In the back of Alice’s mind, she wondered if it would be. It took all of her strength not to kiss her just as firmly back.

Bella pulled away, her eyes not meeting the vampire’s.

‘Goodnight, Alice.’

‘Goodnight, Bella.’

Without another word, Alice sped home.

☆

‘You motherfucker!’

‘Rosalie,’ Alice groaned.

Her sister had greeted her at the front door, a shit-eating grin on her pristine face.

‘I knew it! I knew you were bullshitting me. You were gawking at her like she was the second coming!’

‘Who’s coming?’ Emmett asked, walking into the foyer and holding a mug of blood from the family hunt.

‘Alice and Bella boned.’

‘Aliba— Bwuh, huh?’

‘We did not bone,’ Alice huffed, ‘Don’t be so vulgar.’ She made a beeline for the stairs, mortified by her sister’s shameless prying.

‘Hey! Get back here!’ Rosalie yelled up the stairs.

Alice shut her bedroom door behind her. She leaned against the wood, silently begging her sister not to charge through it. Rosalie's muffled ranting echoed throughout the foyer. She was cackling like a hyena. Alice had to admit that her enthusiasm towards the situation was somewhat of a comfort, even if it was at the expense of her dignity.

With her mind a swirl of untamed emotions, Alice shakily sat herself down at her writing desk. Her haven. The walnut surface was hidden beneath several crumpled pages of Alice's mind matter. She sighed and took one of the white, crinkled balls, smoothing it out with her palms. It was a single phrase, hastily scrawled in black ink.

If I should take your pain away, would you still look as sweet?

Alice moved the page aside and grabbed another.

Sadness flows through you and permeates your blood. To drink of it would surely bring me to my knees.

‘Jesus Christ,’ Alice mumbled.

‘Bitch, open the door,’ came Rosalie's voice from outside the room.

‘I’m brooding,’ Alice called back.

The door opened. Alice sighed. Rosalie entered with a tall glass of red in one hand. She slammed it down on Alice's desk and then folded her arms.

‘Start talking and then you can start sipping.’

Alice reached for the glass, only to have it swiped away.

‘Are you going to talk?’

‘Rose,’ Alice groaned.

‘Don’t make me poke around in that filthy little mind of yours,’ Rosalie said, twiddling her fingers in Alice's face. ‘Tell me what happened.’

‘Fine,’ Alice sighed, throwing her arms up in defeat. ‘We kissed. Again.’

‘And?’

‘And… maybe some heavy petting.’

‘Ohoho,’ Rosalie beamed. ‘This is incredible.’

‘Yeah, you seem weirdly pleased about it,’ Alice said dryly.

‘Because it's you! You don't do stuff like this. You're Alice. Our sweet little Alice,’ Rosalie said, tousling her sister’s hair.

‘Knock it off,’ Alice grumbled. She snatched the glass of blood from Rosalie and took a long gulp. ‘It’s not like I've been the one initiating all this.’

‘Oh?’

‘Yeah. Bella has been, like, so… intimate? I feel like she’s never even looked my way until now.’

‘Well, maybe you just didn't notice,’ Rosalie said. ‘You had Edward shielding her from you.’

‘Don’t talk like that. Don't speak of him that way.’

‘I’m serious! Maybe Bella's been trying to get closer to you but she's been too busy scrapping with that man-child every other week.’

‘Can we drop this? I'm done. I'm done talking about this.’

Rosalie shook her head. ‘You need to lighten up.’

‘And you need to stop talking about Edward like he isn't going through his own stuff.’

Less than amused, Rosalie began to make her way out of the room. She paused at Alice's door.

‘Edward has had plenty of time to deal with his own emotions. That girl shouldn't be the one to sort them out for him.’

As Rosalie opened Alice's door to leave, Emmett stood outside with one fist in the air, ready to knock.

‘Yo… Uh, so did Alice and Bella really—’

‘Yes, they did,’ Rosalie scoffed, pushing past Emmett and heading downstairs.

‘Damn it,’ Emmett muttered, scratching the back of his neck.

‘What?’ Alice asked.

‘I owe Rose so much money.’

☆

Three more days passed, each without any word from Bella. Alice began to wonder if she'd decided to revert to her phoneless ways. She wondered if she'd texted Edward again. She wondered if Edward had replied to her. Or if she had punched the rest of her brick wall into dust. Most of all, Alice wondered if Bella was thinking of her.

The girl’s vengeful drumming could be heard across the forest. It was enough to assure Alice that she was at least still alive. Though it did little to distract her from thinking about her.

Alice had lost all hope in trying to banish the girl from her mind. Thoughts of Bella came frequently now. They took form in Alice's brain whenever she had a moment of peace. When she was walking in the woods at night. When she was cleaning her fangs. When she was listening to her vinyl records. Not even the soothing tones of Ella Fitzgerald could free her from the mental prison that was a new crush.

When she tried to peer into Bella's future, Alice could see her brother there with her. The vision was not clear. She could not tell if they were happy or sad together, just that they were with one another. When Alice dared to look even deeper, still she found Edward, his blurry face staring back at her from a world that had not yet dawned.

Alice couldn’t fathom the disappointment that followed when she did not see herself in the visions. This disappointment was then often followed by guilt. It was ridiculous even to consider. Of course, Alice wouldn't play a part in Bella's future love life. The vampire wasn't sure why she had even wanted to look. Had she truly expected to find herself there? A fuzzy figure wrapped in Bella's arms? How silly it was even to imagine.

Then why do you keep checking? Alice asked herself as she curled up on her couch bed. She had failed to fold it away after Bella's unexpected visit. A part of Alice didn't want to do such a thing. She liked remembering that Bella had been there. Her scent still lingered in the pillows and blankets. Smoke and flowers.

Saturday night had rolled back around and Alice found herself alone in her bedroom, listening to Louis Armstrong, waiting the night away. Brooding had become something she had found herself doing more and more. Despite it being quite a popular vampire pastime, Alice rarely indulged in the activity. She was built for movement. Running aimlessly with friends. Driving fast down a highway. Dancing for hours in exclusive speakeasies.

These days, she found herself uninterested in anything else but the headstrong girl living in the little white house, with bloody knuckles and dark circles. Bella Swan. Tragic, doomed, Bella Swan.

A mug of warm blood was nestled between Alice’s fingers, covered by the sleeves of her oversized sweater. It was well into the early hours of the morning. Alice had planned on going for a solo hunt, but she could not bring herself to get into a hunting mindset. Her body had felt off as of late. She knew damn well why.

The life of a settled vampire was simple: Hunt. Drink. Brood. With most of those things knocked off her list today, Alice was growing frustrated with the lack of enrichment.

Bzz bzz.

No. It couldn't be. Could it?

Alice slowly picked up her phone. A contact which she had lovingly decorated with star emoticons appeared on screen.

hey. u awake?

Alice re-read the contact name over and over, making sure that it was who she saw it was. After taking a full minute to come to terms with the fact that Bella had contacted her, she received another message.

i 4got u dont need 2 sleep. im dum as fuk :P

Alice bit back a smile, hearing Bella's voice in her head. The girl typed the way she talked. Alice found it amusing. She hovered her fingers over her keyboard, hesitating before bringing a single finger to the buttons.

Wide awake :)

Bella’s response was slow. Alice figured she was still getting used to the small keys.

sweet. r u busy?

No, why?

The chorus of “Inside Your Heaven” by Carrie Underwood blared from Alice’s phone. She jumped in surprise, usually able to sense when she was about to get a call.

Bella’s name lit up on her screen. Alice stared at her phone in silence, letting the song play until the chorus repeated once again. She accepted the call.

‘Hello?’ Alice said warily.

‘Hey,’ came Bella’s voice over the speaker. It was quiet and slow and was followed by a burst of two short coughs.

‘Hey, sleepy,’ Alice replied. ‘You’re up late again.’

‘Yeah,’ Bella said groggily, fighting a long yawn. ‘I can’t fall asleep.’

‘Why’s that?’ Alice asked. She pulled up one of her blankets from the couch bed. Something about the way Bella spoke made her want to feel cosy.

‘I dunno. The house is creepy when it’s just me sometimes. Maybe that’s it.’

‘Charlie’s out?’

‘Yeah. Or, shit, maybe it’s this stupid microbiology exam I have coming up.’

‘You study?’

‘Yeah, dude, sooo much,’ Bella groaned.

Alice giggled. ‘Maybe you’re a bit overworked then. Too much brain activity in that noggin of yours.’

‘Sure, sure,’ Bella said.

God, her voice, Alice thought. Does she know how delicious it sounds?

‘What you been up to the last few days?’ Bella asked.

‘Oh, you know. Feeding, reading, standing in one place for hours at a time.’

‘Damn, I’m getting serious FOMO.’

‘You’re sure missing out.’

Bella shuffled in her bed, causing the audio from Alice’s phone to crackle. Alice listened intently as Bella sighed and settled into a different position. Eventually, the line went static, accompanied by Bella’s soft breathing. Alice wondered for a moment if she’d suddenly fallen asleep. But that question was soon answered with another short cough. Alice smirked.

‘All good?’

Once again, it got quiet on the other line. Alice’s ears pricked with anticipation. The way Bella was breathing didn’t sound like she was dozing off. It sounded like she was almost holding it. Alice then picked up on a small, dry swallow.

‘I wish you were here, dude,’ Bella said.

It was Alice’s turn to go silent. She messed with her sweater sleeve, pinching it and twisting it between her thumb and index finger.

Bella cleared her throat. ‘You still there?’

‘Yes.’

‘Okay.’

‘I’m right here, Bee.’

Alice heard the subtle squeeze of Bella’s throat tightening and untightening. She heard fingers slowly scratching across tangled hair and the wet slide of teeth chewing on soft lips.

‘It’s cold here,’ Bella said, her voice growing low and quiet.

‘I’m not sure I can help you there,’ Alice replied.

‘I could. We could.’

Alice had to close her eyes and take a slow inhale. She fluttered her eyes open again and leaned back into her couch, staring at her ceiling.

‘Yeah? How’s that?’

Bella took her time answering. The static on the other line seemed to grow louder.

‘I could hold you till you’re warm.’

‘You could.’

‘I could rub my hands all over you until you’re just as warm as me. And then we’d both be warm.’

Alice had started to tug at the neckline of her sweater. She bit down hard on her lower lip to stifle her quickening breath; a primal instinct that only kicked in when she was nervous or excited.

‘That might warm me up, yes,’ Alice said. She hated how evident her flustered voice was.

‘Mhmm, I’d make sure of it.’

‘You sound determined.’

‘I am.’

Alice rolled onto one side. She focused her eyes on her hunting boots by the doorway. Her next words were whispered and shaky.

‘How else would you warm me up?’

Bella laughed softly. Alice pictured her smile.

‘How do you want me to, Alice?’

Alice dragged her fingers through her hair and scrunched it at the ends.

‘I’ll be over in five.’

☆

Bella shoved Alice into her bedroom door, rattling the picture frames on her walls. Her lips locked with the vampire’s the second it slammed closed. Her hands pulled at Alice’s coat, though Alice had already shimmied it halfway down her arms. It fell to the floor, followed by Alice’s sweater.

In a frenzied waltz, Bella guided Alice towards her bed, never once breaking their makeout session. Alice’s hands had snaked down to Bella’s ass, squeezing it over her boxers. The two stumbled and collapsed onto Bella’s mattress, Bella rolling Alice onto her back. Her eager hands trailed over Alice’s chest, down her stomach, and finally rested on the zipper of her jeans. The desperation and speed at which Bella moved was sending Alice’s mind into a spin. She was so quick yet so calculated. She’d done this before.

Alice’s jeans soon joined the growing mountain of clothes on Bella’s bedroom floor. Bella had slid them off with ease.

‘I like your panties,’ the girl smiled, coming to straddle Alice’s lap.

‘You’ll like ‘em better on your fucking floor,’ Alice replied, sitting up to crash her lips to Bella’s once again.

In unison, two pairs of hands fiddled with the clasp of the other’s bra, resulting in giggles when it took longer than expected to unhook them. Again the clothes pile grew. Alice flopped back down against the mattress.

‘Jesus,’ Bella breathed, ‘Oh my god, they’re so fucking pretty.’

‘Yours too,’ Alice said wistfully.

‘And you,’ Bella began, leaning down to pepper kisses along Alice’s jaw and neck, ‘are so perfect.’

‘Oh, B,’ Alice groaned, arching against the bed.

Bella inched herself to the end of Alice’s waist - Alice watching her go down - and gently pried open her pale legs. She placed a firm kiss against the thin fabric of Alice’s panties, eliciting a soft gasp from the vampire.

‘You’re so wet already,’ Bella said in awe.

‘Look what you’re doing to me,’ Alice panted.

Bella made quick work of tugging the underwear down and throwing it aside. An unfamiliar warmth radiated from Alice’s body. It felt so strange but so nice all the same. A long dead hearth reignited.

Bella’s movements had come to a snail’s pace, a startling contrast to her once erratic speed. A slow, firm tongue pressed against the slit of Alice’s pussy. It travelled upwards, swiping over each dip and fold. The care and attention to which Bella gave each second of eating Alice out was admirable. She did not race to reach her sensitive clit, only teased it with the tip of her tongue. When Alice thought the girl would finally give in to her bucking hips and needy whines, her tongue would only slip downwards again to lap and suck at her folds. Bella was going to take her time, and she seemed to be sadistically relishing in the torture she was inflicting upon the vampire. Alice could see the corners of Bella’s mouth twitching upwards. She knew she would have to be patient.

‘What do you want, pretty girl?’ Bella hummed against Alice’s heat.

‘You’re such a fucking bitch,’ Alice laughed breathlessly. Bella only grinned.

‘Oh, am I not being nice to you?’ Bella mewled. ‘Am I not giving my pretty girl what she wants?’

‘Please, Bella,’ Alice panted. ‘Please, I need you.’

‘Mhmm?’

‘I… I need your fucking tongue on my fucking clit.’

‘That’s more like it,’ Bella said.

She ducked her head back down, repeating her agonisingly slow journey from the bottom of Alice’s soaked entrance to the very edge of her pulsing clit. Just when Alice thought she was still going to deny her any relief, Bella lapped her tongue over the shiny, pink nub.

‘Oh, fuck,’ the vampire exhaled.

Bella continued. She gently licked and swirled her tongue across Alice’s clit in a steady rhythm. Alice matched her movements by gyrating her hips, pressing herself harder against Bella’s tongue. Bella slid her arms towards Alice’s tits. She squeezed them tenderly and rolled her fingers between her erect nipples.

Alice felt like she was burning up. She hadn’t been this warm in a long time. She begged her body to keep her orgasm at bay for just a few minutes longer, but she knew that such a goal was foolish to think attainable. Bella felt too good.

‘I’m so fucking close,’ Alice whimpered. Her eyes felt watery. Her legs were stiffening. Bella hummed against her clit. ‘Oh, god,’ she moaned, her hands scrambling to grab hold of something before settling in Bella’s hair, ‘Oh, Bella.’

Alice’s back lifted from the mattress as her high finally reached its peak. She stroked herself against Bella’s mouth, Bella’s tongue lapping over her with every move. Each wave was as vibrant and wonderful as the last. Alice imagined pure, shimmering light radiating from within her, shooting through her arms and legs; right to her toes and fingertips. When the light finally began to dim, a warm buzz washed over the vampire, numbing her gently.

The vampire melted back against the bed. Bella sat up, skin glistening with Alice’s juices. She wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand and flicked her thumb across her lower lip.

‘Yo, you’re shaking,’ Bella said, crawling towards Alice at the top of the bed.

‘Yeah, I’m still coming down,’ Alice exhaled.

‘C’mere,’ Bella murmured, pulling her in for a cuddle.

Alice eagerly accepted the embrace, lazily rolling onto her side. Bella placed her chin atop Alice’s head and draped her arms around her shoulders. Alice pulled the girl in by her waist, face nestled atop Bella’s warm chest.

The silence that passed was short lived. Alice placed a tender kiss on Bella’s jaw. Bella hummed in approval.

‘That’s nice, baby,’ Bella said quietly.

‘Mhmm,’ Alice mumbled against her skin, reaching up to massage one of Bella’s tits in her palm.

‘Shit,’ Bella breathed.

It was Alice’s turn to roll Bella onto her back. She couldn’t help grinning at Bella’s excited expression. She was too adorable for her own good.

‘What do you want, B?’

Bella licked her lips.

‘I want you to fuck me.’

‘That can be arranged.’

Bella giggled, ‘No, Alice, I want you to fuck me.’

Alice raised an eyebrow but still smirked at the smiling girl beneath her. There was a mischievous glint in her eye.

‘Gimme a sec,’ Bella said, wriggling out from underneath Alice’s hips.

Alice watched as the girl hurried into her closet, rummaging about the shelves for something hidden away. She soon reappeared with a shoebox and placed it on the bed.

‘Whatcha got there?’ Alice asked.

‘Just… something fun,’ Bella said.

She opened the lid and revealed a series of leather straps and fasteners.

‘Item number one,’ Bella grinned. She fished into the box again. ‘And two,’ she added.

Alice’s mouth fell open as the girl revealed a sizable purple dildo. The vampire giggled incredulously. ‘She’s huge!’

Bella cackled, ‘Are you surprised?’

‘I don’t know, I… Jesus, Bella.’

Bella laughed again and began to piece together the toy and the heap of straps.

‘I said I wanted you to fuck me, Alice,’ the girl said, voice falling a pitch lower.

Warmth pulsated at Alice’s centre. ‘You did say that, didn’t you?’

‘Come here, baby,’ Bella said, patting the edge of the bed in front of her.

Alice obeyed. She watched intently as Bella connected the toy to the straps via a rubber ring. Alice giddily waited for Bella to help her into the strap-on and adjust it so that it hugged her comfortably.

‘Fit okay?’ Bella asked, stepping back to admire her work.

‘Shit’s heavy,’ Alice chuckled. ‘But yes, it— Oh, fuck, the swing!’

Bella erupted in laughter, holding her hands over her face. Alice steadied herself against a nearby dresser, also falling into a fit of giggles.

When the laughter had died down, Bella had placed her hands atop Alice's shoulders, kissing her tenderly. The vampire pressed her close, the toy squished between them.

‘Where should I put you?’ Alice hummed.

‘Bed,’ Bella mumbled through kisses.

Alice guided Bella towards the edge of the mattress. The girl wasted no time in wriggling out of her underwear and sitting up on her elbows, staring darkly at her secret lover.

‘You look so beautiful,’ Alice said, positioning herself between Bella's legs. Bella was drenched, her inner thighs slick with her wetness.

‘God, I need you so bad, Alice. I need you so fucking bad.’

‘I’m here, B,’ Alice grinned, eyes half-lidded.

Alice wrapped Bella's legs over her hips to get a clearer angle. She felt slightly awkward in her harness, having never used such a contraption before. But seeing Bella below her - impatiently squirming with anticipation - was enough to ease her nerves.

‘I’ll go slow at first, okay? I haven't done this before.’

‘That’s okay, Ali,’ Bella smiled warmly, ‘I’ll guide you through it.’ A look of adoration crossed her face. Alice felt butterflies again.

The vampire gripped the middle of the silicone shaft, her other hand clamped on Bella's left hip. She carefully eased herself forward, Bella eagerly meeting her halfway. Slowly, Alice placed the tip of the dildo at Bella's entrance. The single touch alone was enough to make the girl whine.

‘God, you're soaked for me,’ Alice said.

‘Put it in, Alice. I need you, I need you now,’ Bella rambled.

Alice inhaled slowly before easing the tip into Bella's entrance. The girl moaned encouragingly. It was music.

It was easy to slide the rest of the toy inside. Bella was dripping to the point of it being almost too frictionless. But Alice soon found a steady pace, allowing both her hands to grip Bella's hips. She rhythmically thrust into Bella's walls, garnering short, approving moans from the girl. The wet slap of each stroke made Alice feel dizzy. It thrilled her to know just how aroused Bella was. Because of her.

‘Harder, Alice,’ Bella spoke after a few unspoken minutes.

‘You sure?’ Alice asked.

‘Mhmm, please. I can take it. Fuck me harder. Please.’

Alice obeyed. She scooted Bella further onto the bed before supporting both of her legs in her arms. With bated breath, Alice began to thrust deeper. Harder. The bedframe knocked against the back wall at an even tempo. Alice hoped that none of Bella’s neighbours were having an early morning stroll right now.

Bella's mouth was a long O. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her brows raised and scrunched together. Her arms flopped against the mattress above her head like a ragdoll. She had grown quiet with this new pace - but Alice was reassured that she was enjoying each minute by the tiny whine that occasionally escaped her lips.

‘That’s so fucking good,’ Bella grunted through gritted teeth.

‘Yeah, baby?’ Alice panted.

‘Yes, fuck, yes. Mmm, I need you from behind. I wanna turn around.’

‘Okay, baby,’ Alice said, slowing her pace and pulling out with a wet pop.

‘Shit,’ Bella panted. She sat up on her knees and pulled Alice in for a passionate kiss. Alice moaned into it and hosted Bella onto her waist. Bella squeaked in surprise.

‘Christ, I forgot how strong you are.’

Alice giggled and peppered kisses over Bella's neck. ‘I wanna try something.’

‘Oh, yeah?’

Alice carried Bella over to a nearby armchair. She positioned her so that Bella was kneeling away from her. Alice eased Bella forward and grabbed her wrists, securing them behind her back with one hand.

‘I like where this is going,’ Bella smirked.

‘I’ll make sure you love it,’ Alice whispered into Bella's ear, causing her to whine in desperation.

She slapped the dildo up against Bella's dripping pussy. The girl moaned impatiently, wriggling herself towards Alice's strap-on.

‘Uh uh, good girls wait,’ Alice said sternly, holding the tip of the dildo to Bella's throbbing entrance.

‘Alice,’ Bella whined.

Alice began to slide the shaft of her strap-on inside Bella's folds, painfully slow. The frustrated whimper that followed this decision only spurred her on.

‘Does my good girl not want to wait?’ Alice cooed.

‘Mm mm,’ Bella whimpered, shaking her head.

‘Oh, how bad does my good girl want it?’

‘So fucking bad, Alice.’

‘You’re going to have to do better than that, my love.’

‘Please, Alice. I can't wait any longer. I need you, I'm desperate for your strap inside me.’

‘Good girl.’

Alice thrust herself into Bella's pussy at a pace that was almost brutal. Bella did not hold back her moans of pleasure, fully submitting to the desperate, horny mess she had become.

Alice gripped hard at her wrists behind her back. Her other hand had taken a bunch of Bella's hair and cocked the girl's head backwards. Alice managed to pull Bella up towards her, pressing firm kisses into her cheek and jawline. Bella's mouth hung open, allowing Alice to hook her thumb inside the girl’s jaw between her teeth.

‘Choke me,’ Bella mumbled.

‘What was that, love?’ Alice asked, removing her thumb from Bella's mouth.

‘Choke me, Alice,’ Bella panted.

‘Yeah? You want me to be real rough with you, huh?’

‘Uh huh,’ Bella whined.

Alice reached her hand down to Bella’s neck. She carefully placed her fingertips on either side of the girl's throat, making sure not to apply any pressure to her airway. She picked up her pace again, thrusting hard into Bella's warm walls. Gently, Alice squeezed at Bella's throat, eliciting a new kind of moan from the girl. It was guttural. Unashamed. It told Alice that Bella was close.

‘You’re being such a good girl for me, Bella,’ Alice muttered between hard thrusts. ‘Letting me fuck you so roughly. You're taking this strap so well.’

‘Oh, Alice,’ Bella whined, ‘You’re gonna make me cum so hard.’

‘Mmm, I wanna hear you cum for me, baby.’

‘Oh, fuck… Oh, fuck!—’ Bella exclaimed.

She came undone, calling out Alice's name and trembling against her hips. A splash of sticky juices ran down her legs, coating Alice as well. At last, after three more slow and deliberate strokes, the dildo slipped out from Bella's entrance and she began to fall against the armchair.

‘Woah, I got you,’ Alice said, hoisting the limp girl into her arms. ‘I got you, b.’

‘Unnghh,’ Bella groaned.

Alice stifled a giggle, ‘You okay?’

She pulled back the covers on Bella's bed with one hand and then placed her onto the mattress against her pillows. Bella remained limp, curled up on one side, eyes delicately closed.

‘B?’

‘Hmm?’

‘I wasn't too rough with you, was I?’ Alice asked, now growing worried. Perhaps Bella wasn't able to take her after all. She leaned over Bella, one knee sinking into the bed.

A small, breathy laugh escaped Bella's lips. ‘You were fucking phenomenal, stupid.’

Alice sighed in relief and shook her head, bewildered. She slipped out of her strap-on harness and joined Bella in bed, covering their naked bodies with the cool duvet.

Once Alice had laid down, Bella stiffly wriggled closer to her, nestling underneath the vampire's chin. Alice draped one arm over Bella's body.

A few minutes of peaceful silence passed. Alice watched as Bella's body rose and fell with each steady breath.

‘Hey,’ Bella mumbled against the vampire's cool skin.

‘Hmm?’

‘Do you think ‘m too much?’

Alice rubbed Bella's arm over the covers. ‘No, Bella.’

‘Y’don’t think ‘m too angry all the time?’

Alice placed a tender kiss atop Bella's hair. ‘I think your anger is valid. I think you're allowed to feel it.’

Bella took so long to reply to Alice that the vampire assumed she had fallen asleep. But the girl suddenly shuffled closer against her naked body.

‘I like you, Ali.’

Alice closed her eyes gently. ‘I like you too, Bella.’

‘G’night, Ali,’ Bella mumbled sleepily.

‘Goodnight, B,’ Alice smiled softly.

Though she would not sleep, Alice was grateful for the moment of peace that was following such an active night. She silently stroked Bella's damp hair and listened to her gentle snoring, accompanied by the dawn chorus outside.

Alice did not worry about what she was to Bella, or how they'd navigate their relationship from here. All that mattered to her now was that the girl was in her arms, safe and asleep. And that Bella wanted — needed Alice to be there.

☆

Fucking Bella became an almost daily occurrence. If Alice wasn't texting her regularly, she was at Bella's house when Charlie was out, screwing her like an animal in heat.

Alice became accustomed to learning exactly what would give Bella the best high. She also learned what would slow it down, keep it from her, and drive her insane. It was such a thrill to figure out what exactly made the girl tick and what made her squirm with frustration.

Bella liked pain. And lots of it. She begged Alice to grip her thighs and leave bruises on her soft skin. She wanted hickeys everywhere; her neck, her chest, her tits. She liked nails down her back and her hair pulled into a ponytail by a firm fist. She liked being spat on and slapped and choked and dragged.

She liked being bitten. Alice had found a way to nip at the girl without her fangs getting in the way. And though Bella had pleaded with her at one point, Alice did not dare draw blood.

She did not question Bella's need for such extreme physical activity. It was relieving some stress. And Alice was only glad to help her.

Bella had purchased herself some thin turtleneck shirts. Alice's fingers had left dark marks on her wrists, waist, and neck; and Bella was not planning on conjuring an excuse for Charlie anytime soon. She would just tell him she was preparing for the fall and that turtlenecks were totally in right now.

Alice knew that her own family suspected something was up, though they never made any attempts to pry on the matter. Something told her that they already knew but did not dare to intervene. If not out of fear, then for unspoken respect. Rosalie would smirk and roll her eyes if she ever caught Alice heading out alone.

‘You’re so good to me,’ Bella moaned on the verge of yet another high, face shoved against her pillows with Alice pounding her from behind. ‘I’m close.’

‘Me too,’ Alice panted, slamming herself into the girl at a practised pace.

‘God, I love it when you cum when you’re wearing that thing,’ Bella said. ‘You’re so fucking hot.’

‘Mmhmm,’ Alice mumbled, too on edge to form words.

‘Fuck me, Alice,’ Bella pleaded, a sign for Alice to start speeding up so she could finish.

Alice gripped Bella’s waist and flipped the girl onto her back. She pounded the girl onto her strap, staring intensely. Bella’s face scrunched into a stern look, an expression that formed when Alice was giving it to her particularly hard.

‘Kiss me,’ Bella breathed. And Alice did.

They came in unison, a divine melody of long moans and fluttered breaths. Alice chewed on Bella’s bottom lip, grinding herself against her a few more times before pulling out and flopping down beside her.

‘Was that good, my love?’ Alice asked as Bella sprawled out on top of her like a lazy cat.

‘As always,’ Bella said, placing a firm kiss on Alice’s cheek and lips.

They held one another, basking in the morning sun while their bodies relaxed and settled.

‘I’m sensing Esme wanting me to come home,’ Alice said then, staring at the ceiling and tracing circles on Bella’s shoulder.

‘What for?’ Bella mumbled.

‘A hunt perhaps. It’s been a while.’

Bella stretched and groggily sat herself up. Her hair was a tangled mess, all bunching to one side. Alice smiled fondly and did her best to tame it with playful fingers.

‘Will I see you soon?’ Bella asked.

Alice wriggled herself out of the strap-on harness and pulled on one of Bella’s shirts.

‘Probably,’ the vampire said, rummaging around the room for more clothes. She pulled on her jeans and sweater before busying herself with her boots. As she dressed herself, she felt Bella’s eyes watching her closely.

Alice was about to ask the girl what was catching her eye so intensely when a sudden surge of nausea swelled in her gut. Alice stumbled and steadied herself against Bella’s dresser. She could hear Bella’s surprised gasp and the clamour of her feet as she approached her to see what was wrong. But the girl’s voice was far away and Alice’s vision was becoming blurred. A shot of pain ran up through Alice’s chest and into the back of her skull. The room melted away, revealing an explosion of colour on the back of Alice’s eyelids.

A vision. A strong one.

A fuzzy figure was running — no, sprinting through the woods, crashing through trees and breaking boulders as it went. The ground beneath the figure was hardly touched at all. They were chasing something. Someone. And they wanted them dead.

A clear voice broke through Alice’s noisy mind. A familiar one. It was terrified, all raspy and broken.

Rosalie.

‘It’s Edward,’ her voice said, forcing its way into Alice’s consciousness. ‘He said he caught wind of your thoughts on his way here.’

Rosalie desperately pushed six more words into Alice's mind, ones that sent a visceral shiver through her body.

‘He’s come home, Alice. He knows.’

☆

Bella would not let go of Alice’s sweater sleeve. She dug her shoes into the dirt, trying desperately to get Alice’s attention.

‘You can’t go alone! I need to see him! I can talk to him—’

‘He’s going to kill me, Bella!’ Alice screamed, yanking her arm away from the girl’s firm grasp.

‘He won’t if I’m there! Please, Alice. Let me fucking come with you!’

‘Get. Off!’ Alice yelled, tugging at her shirt collar before shoving Bella backwards.

The girl tumbled to the ground. She lay there in the dirt, propped up on her elbows. Alice stared in shock. Bella’s wide, brown eyes blinked up at her. Horrified. Angry. So damn angry.

‘I… I can’t fucking bring you,’ Alice said, her voice now a hissed whisper.

Bella struggled to her feet and stared hard at the vampire.

‘So you’ll just leave? You leave and get yourself killed and then what?’ Bella said as hot tears began to spill over her blushed cheeks.

‘I don’t know,’ Alice said. ‘Then you can be with him.’

‘That’s such bullshit,’ Bella spat. ‘This is such bullshit.’

‘It is!’ Alice screamed. ‘It was! All of this… All of this fucking was.’

‘The fuck are you saying?’

‘I should have stopped!’

The two fell silent. Bella’s heavy breathing created clouds of condensation which billowed up into the crisp air. Only two feet of space lay between them. But to Alice, it felt like miles.

‘I should have stopped,’ Alice repeated shakily. ‘But I couldn’t.’

‘I… I didn’t want you to,’ Bella sobbed. Her words were strained. Slow. ‘I didn’t let you. I needed someone. And… I just didn’t let you go, Alice. I didn’t want to.’

Alice stared softly. ‘I didn’t want you to either.’

Bella swallowed roughly. She angrily brushed away her tears and balled her hands into tight fists.

‘I don't know what happened, Alice. I… I fucking used you. But somewhere along the way I… I started—’

‘Don’t,’ Alice pleaded, ‘Don't start that sentence.’

‘I started loving you, damn it! I don't fucking love anybody!’ Bella screamed. More tears fell to the dirt beneath her. ‘But I love you. I fucking love you, dude.’

Alice was stunned. Bella's sweet face, scrunched into a pained expression, begged her to stay.

The vampire stared out across the treeline behind her. The woods were so silent. In any other circumstance, she would have thought it to be quite pretty. Peaceful. But now, the towering pine trees swayed in a way that reminded her of Death beckoning her forward, welcoming her in with long, dark fingers.

‘I thought we had so much more time,’ Alice said calmly, still facing the trees. ‘I thought we’d never reach the end. Isn’t that silly?’

‘Alice,’ Bella whimpered.

‘But here we are. The end.’ Alice turned slightly, not wanting to look Bella in the eye. ‘I sure wish it could have been a different one.’

Alice ran. The forest blurred past her. She squinted through her tears, begging in her mind for Bella’s cries of anguish to fade fast. But they followed her all the way home, echoing like a swan song.

☆

A clawed hand swiped across Alice’s face, sending her into the dirt with a booming thud. Esme screamed and fought to reach her daughter, but Carlisle held her back, not wanting his wife to get caught in the middle of the dispute.

‘They’re killing each other, Lisle!’

‘Emmett!’ Carlisle yelled.

Emmett lunged for his brother, sending him flying into a nearby boulder. Edward crashed against the hard stone, shattering it to pieces.

‘Get out of my way!’ Edward grunted, flinging a sharp, stray piece of the boulder in Emmett’s direction. Emmett dodged, sending the piece into a porch window.

Rosalie leapt onto Edward’s back, slashing her fangs across the vampire’s shoulder. Edward yelled in pain and frustration before flipping Rosalie onto the ground, creating a sizable crater in the earth. Emmett raced towards his lover, shooting Edward a look of pure, feral rage. Rosalie was quick to regain her posture, hunching down in a ready stance. Emmett mirrored her, prepared to take down his brother with her. Edward loomed over them.

‘Edward!’ Alice screamed, shakily standing and wiping ichor from her mouth, ‘This is our fight.’

Edward huffed and charged for the smaller vampire, who gnashed her teeth into his face. Edward hissed and aimed his fangs at Alice’s jugular. Alice was quick. She dipped in and out of Edwards slashing teeth and swinging fists. But she knew she would have to start fighting back before exhaustion took hold of her.

Edward finally managed to tear at Alice's arm with a firm swipe, sending Alice to the ground once again. Alice stared up at her brother through the black liquid that oozed out of one side of her forehead. Her sweet, darling Edward. Who was this creature above her? This tall, scary, ravenous thing? The very vampire that had saved her from death all those years ago was now about to send her there for good.

Edward took a step back, maliciously waiting for Alice to stand again. Alice never broke eye contact with him as she trembled to her feet.

A car horn blared in the distance. Edward and Alice jerked their heads towards the sound. A little red truck was speeding towards the house, shaking like a tin barrel of snakes.

‘Bella,’ the vampires spoke in unison.

The truck swerved into the driveway, spinning in a circle before screeching to a halt. Bella kicked open the driver-side door and raced towards the pair of battling vampires.

‘Bella! Get back!’ Rosalie screamed.

‘Don’t come closer, Bella, please!’ Alice begged. But still, the girl ran.

‘Well, look who’s here,’ Edward grunted, shoving himself into Alice’s chest and sending her back down to the dirt. Alice huffed, clutching her body.

Bella screamed and slid to a halt, hands clawing at her face in terror.

Alice dry heaved, beginning to feel the toll of her brother’s strength. She attempted to stand but a heavy boot gently pushed her back down. Horrified gasps erupted from her onlookers. Alice’s eyes strained to see Edward, now towering over her like a menacing giant. It was too late. His dark eyes shimmered, blinded by the rage that flowed through him.

‘So, this is it, brother?’ Alice coughed weakly. ‘What a fine and honourable death you have given me.’

‘Oh, don’t get pretentious. You don’t deserve the pleasure.’

‘Edward!’ Bella begged.

‘Don’t move, Bella,’ Edward demanded. He leaned in closer to Alice. ‘This is for betraying your family. For betraying me.’

Edward’s boot raised above Alice’s head. Alice closed her eyes and let her body relax. She felt the earth beneath her shift as if a grave were already taking form around her. It was near bliss.

‘Edward, she's mine.’

Edward froze. His wild eyes stared holes into Bella’s spirit. Slowly, silently, he lowered his boot to the dirt beside Alice’s face.

‘What did you say?’ Edward asked lowly.

‘I… I said she's mine,’ Bella said hoarsely.

Alice fluttered her eyes open. All of a sudden, Bella was by her side and hoisting her up, supporting her against one hip.

‘She… She was there for me,’ Bella began. ‘And she listens to me and she tells me things about myself that I don’t fucking believe but she swears them anyway. And I… It feels… good. It feels safe. And I love her, Edward, I'm so sorry. I love her.’

Edward was silent. His stern expression only softened slightly as he stared between the two. Alice stared back at him, her lower lip quivering.

‘Alice?’ Edward said quietly.

Alice hung her head, exhausted. When she met her brother’s gaze again, his face was dark with grief.

‘I love her too,’ Alice said.

From across the yard, Rosalie buried her face in Emmett’s chest and sobbed. Carlisle and Esme looked on in frozen concern.

Edward’s shoulders relaxed. He nodded to himself, staring at the ground. His eyes, dark from blood lust, were somewhere far away.

‘I… I run, don’t I?’

‘Oh, Edward,’ Bella said sorrowfully.

‘And I still want to. I still… can’t give you what you want. Perhaps I should have realised that long ago.’

‘I can’t do this,’ Bella whispered. ‘Not with you. Not anymore.’

He nodded again. ‘Very well.’

Edward turned to Alice, who had been holding back the urge to collapse into his arms; forgive him for his anger, tell him that it was all going to be okay. He was her brother, in life and death, he was her brother.

Today that had all changed.

‘Please, take care of her,’ Edward said solemnly.

Alice could only nod as she clutched Bella’s arm. In complete silence, Edward turned and started to walk back into the forest, the midday sun glinting off of his diamond skin. The coven surrounded Bella, watching him disappear into the trees.

‘Will… he be back?’ Bella asked.

‘He will,’ Carlisle said.

Esme placed a wary hand on Bella’s shoulder. ‘But not for a while.’

Alice winced and buckled against Bella’s body.

‘Ali,’ Bella gasped.

‘Let’s get her inside,’ Rosalie said, ‘She needs help.’

☆☆☆

Summer left like a slow whisper, its heat still apparent in the fall air. Alice sat on her porch steps, smoking a pinner and reading her original copy of The Strange Path. A mild breeze sent crinkled leaves scattering across her shoes. Rosalie was inside with Esme, preparing the blood from a recent hunt. Emmett and Carlisle were chopping firewood out back.

Alice turned a page and found that her mind had completely scrambled the last paragraph she had read. Though her memory had started to vastly improve since Edward’s departure, she found it still faltered in places. Sometimes she’d forget to take out her favourite hunting bow. Sometimes she lost track of a deer in the woods.

There were things she could not forget. Her brother’s face. Despite it all, it remained sweet in her memory. The way his thick, dark eyebrows raised when he was curious. The shade of his swooping hair. His strong arms. Edward. Dear Edward. Her brother.

A beat up, red truck pulled into Alice’s driveway. A girl with choppy, chestnut hair and a canvas tote bag exited the driver's side and waved to her. Alice smiled and waved back.

Bella plopped herself down beside her and leaned in for a kiss before swiping the vampire’s pinner away.

‘Ay!’ Alice exclaimed, ‘Naughty.’

Bella puffed and exhaled, ‘What do you think?’

Alice cupped the girl’s face and studied her new hairstyle. It was cut messily, almost haphazardly so; no doubt a bold DIY. But damn, did Bella make messy look good.

‘I love it. It’s so rugged,’ the vampire smirked. ‘Makes you look like a rockstar.’

‘So you’ll ride me all night long?’

‘Fuck off,’ Alice chuckled.

The two stood and headed inside, Bella immediately greeted by the coos of the Cullen welcoming committee. A small table had been decorated with branches, red leaves, and fairy lights. Alice sat back on a stool in the kitchen and watched as Bella laughed at Emmett’s terrible jokes and graciously thanked Esme for preparing her a giant turkey leg.

A fuzzy feeling swirled in the back of Alice’s skull. When she let it swell - if she focused very hard - she saw herself standing outside a little white house.

Beside her was a girl with choppy, chestnut hair. They shared a kiss.

The End

"Demi Moore" by Phoebe Bridgers

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading! Hope you're all doing well :) I like to imagine that Bella looks how Kristen Stewart does in Love Lies Bleeding at the end of this story. It just suits the canon hehe. I leave you with "Demi Moore" by Phoebe Bridgers as this story's theme song, linked after the end of this fic.

#twilight #the twilight saga #alice cullen #bella swan #bellice #bella x alice #my fanfiction #twilight fanfiction #bellice fanfiction

[pegasister60]

NO. 22 PICK YOUR POISON

Toxic | Withdrawal | Allergic Reaction

(In the end I did not end up talking about the homes Billy’s been in in detail. You’re getting this instead.)

--

You don’t really remember the Before if you’re being honest. That was always your brother’s to carry.

You’ve been with Liam for as long as you can remember. You’re twins, technically triplets if you count Mary. (And of course you count Mary, you’ll never stop looking—)

You’re not sure which of you came first, but you know you’ll always be the older twin anyway. Liam’s always as young as he’s ever been and you’ve never found that odd. He’s still your little twin brother that you’ll throw hands for.

And you have. Multiple times.

Not all of the foster homes you've been to were garbage, admittedly, but they were never right for Liam. The older you and the body you shared with him became the more strained your foster parent’s relationships with Liam would get.

That, and your foster siblings could be mean as hell. 

Thinking about the amount of times you’ve had to pull Liam away from their bullying to throw hands in his stead still gets a rise out of you. Nothing about those situations struck you as fair at all, but at least they never lasted.

Between Liam’s “oddities” and your aggression, you went through homes like tissues for the better part of a year. Your social worker did try, but she didn’t understand. 

You didn’t really understand it to be honest. You were aware that none of your foster siblings shared a body with anyone, much less a sibling, but it also never bothered you. You didn’t need words for it or to know how it happened (though you did try looking it up once). You had everything you needed.

You had a sibling no one could take from you. Not Uncle Ebenezer, not the state, no one.

And you’d be damned if you let anything happen to him.

So you protected him however you could. You’d hide him away whenever things would get rocky with your foster siblings. You’d take all the not-so-nice memories from the foster homes you lived in and tuck them out of sight.

The memory thing in particular helped so much with keeping Liam safe. It also made for some epic sibling bonding whenever you’d have the time to ask Liam about Before.

You don’t remember your mother’s face or your dad’s laugh, but he could remind you. Liam’s memory is for all the good stuff, you’ve found. And you let Liam believe that all the bad stuff just pours out like a strainer. There’s literally no reason to tell him otherwise.

-

When you turned nine you were shuffled into foster home number eleventeen and you kept the bar low. Liam was excited to meet your new siblings but you convinced him that he should hang back for a little bit. They shouldn’t overwhelm their new foster family too soon, yeah?

Best decision you’ve ever made. That was the house that convinced you that you could do a better job raising Liam and yourself than any of those people could. You got up in the middle of the night, broke the lock on the pantry, and shoved as much food as you could carry into your worn Superman backpack to take with you for the road.

You didn’t make it more than a week, but that didn’t matter. You left the very next home with a deeper resolve to look after Liam by yourself, a mouth full of someone else’s blood, and four hundred dollars in small bills. You’d learned, you were willing to adapt, and you’d survive. 

For both of you.

-

And then the subway thing happened.

The Wizard, Shazam, said you had a pure heart. You were eighty-five percent sure he was talking about Liam, because your heart didn’t feel very pure with how desensitized you’d become to committing petty crime (it’s always been for survival’s stake).

When he started to actually describe what he was asking of you though, you straightened up. Because it did sound like he was talking to you. Protecting the source of all magic, fighting to contain horrors that should never see the light of day, throwing hands with beings who mean you harm? It all sounded right up your alley even if the scale of the problems you’d face terrified you.

The Wizard assured you that you’d be granted the powers of six gods. The Wisdom of Solomon, the Strength of Hercules, the Stamina of Atlas, the Power of Zeus, the Courage of Achilles, and the Speed of Mercury.

You politely did not point out that some of those weren’t gods, though mostly because his confidence had you second guessing at the time. 

And in the end it wasn’t much of a contest. The Wizard chose you, your only hang-up had been addressed, and you had nothing else going for you besides looking after Liam. And with the powers of Shazam’s patrons you’d certainly be able to do a better job of it.

And you were right about that, just not how you imagined.

Because all that power? It was heavy. Too much for you to handle and it had nowhere else to go. Something had to give.

So something did. And suddenly the body felt different and your headspace was crowded and you had no idea what the fuck was going on–

And then the headmate you’d later come to learn was named Solomon got to work immediately. He tucked Liam somewhere further back and less stressful, got you acquainted with Achilles who helped with your panic, and started explaining what the fuck just happened.

He also explained it to the Wizard, who had apparently never seen that happen before. First time for everything, hooray!

-

It took a while for everyone to find out what was working and what wasn’t. In the early days you bounced between co-fronting (the word you learned when Solomon gave you your first taste of the Wisdom of his namesake) and looking after Liam. Though Liam was ecstatic to have more people to hang out with and clung to your new headmates like a baby possum, you supervised those interactions very closely for fear that they wouldn’t like him back.

That fear wasn’t unfounded but it was put to rest. Every single one of your headmates would kill for Liam without hesitation and learning that filled you with so much relief. You started spending more time in front again while your headmates that almost never fronted looked after your twin.

And it’s a good thing you did. Turns out that when a Champion of Magic is chosen every malevolent magic user and their mother shows up wanting a piece of the Rock of Eternity’s magic. There were non-magical villains out and about, yeah, but the fact that they were even weirder than the magic users sometimes was not comforting.

And then there were the trips to hell and the natural disasters and all the things that make you very fucking glad that Liam rarely ever fronts anymore. Courage of Achilles or no, shit gets fucked up sometimes.

And for a little over two years that was your life. Being a part of Captain Marvel, making sure enough food got in your smaller body to keep you going between bouts of crime fighting, and moving from sleeping place to sleeping place.

-

You thought that joining the Justice League would be like the day you held those powers for the first time: a lot of adapting, awkwardness, and compromising but ultimately the weight you all carry together would be spread more evenly. That you’d become part of a greater whole capable of so much good.

It was sort of like that. You definitely carried your share of slack and then some when it came to magical problems; your teammates helping you fight the Monster Society Of Evil in turn. You went on off-world missions to face threats you never would’ve even heard about if you weren’t in the League. So in that respect it was similar.

The big difference was one you didn’t really anticipate: you couldn’t get close to these people. Or, more accurately, you refused to let them get close to you.

With your headmates there are no secrets. There’s information withheld from you, yeah, but that’s mostly because you’re not able to handle it all the time. And you in turn have been withholding information from Liam since forever, so you understand why it’s necessary.

With the League, you’re not lying by omission to protect them. The secrets you’re keeping and the truths you talk around could’ve been laid bare to them the day you got recruited. But you decided not to tell them and it’s left a one-way wall between you and your teammates.

They’ve opened up to you over time. Hell, you know some of them so well they gave you their names. And it’s not the trust they’re giving you that’s odd, or even that they want to get to know you.

You got to know your headmates. You learned that Mercury is a skilled musician, that Marvel remembers several lifetimes, and that Achilles will go on and on about Patroclus if given half a chance. They’re your headmates, your people, and you care for them all so much.

And you care for the League, really you do.

But you didn’t give them your name, you didn’t tell them about your small form, and you’ll never elaborate on how your powers work.

It’s not their business. They’re your teammates, your coworkers, but not your people. You would go on a week-long space mission with them despite the consequences your small form would face, but you’d never let them take care of said small form afterwards. Not when you’d rather let Mercury and Marvel take care of it instead.

You trust them with your life but not with your life. And it’s coming back to bite you the way you’ve known it would.

You can’t bring yourself to regret it even now. You were doing what you thought was best to keep your people safe. You would do it again in a heartbeat. You’ve done worse than hold your tongue to protect the people that matter to you, and you’ll probably have to start biting again if you don’t get some fucking space.

--

Whumptober: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, ALT 12, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, ALT 1, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31.

#yes Liam is a little and if anyone tries to harm him Billy will commit arson #billy's pulling triple duty as a host-aggressor-protector #he's very fucking sweet but if you ever say *William (/neg)* he'll wreck your shit #I let Billy say fuck and Liam says 'holy moley!!' because he's adorable and small and baby #you're not gonna be seeing a lot of Liam until whumptober's over because I am not a monster actually #i speak #my post #i write #whumptober #whumptober 2022 #no.22 #toxic #billy batson #billy batson dc #dc billy batson #Billy Batson has DID #shazam #captain marvel #captain marvel dc #dc captain marvel #shazam! #liam batson #I have tagged none of the other headmates and Liam's an exception #second person narration #ask to tag #implied/referenced child abuse #post identity reveal

[kimhyeon]

BASICS

FULL NAME: KIM HYEON [ 김현 ]

» MEANING: Kim [is written as "김" gim in Korean. ("김" solely by itself has no specific meaning unless specified by its underlying hanja or derived from context.) The hanja for Kim can also be transliterated as Hangul: 금 geum "metal, iron, gold". The Kim family is also the ruling family in North Korea.]; Hyeon [Sino-Korean 賢 (hyeon) meaning "virtuous, worthy, able" or other characters that are pronounced similarly. It usually occurs in combination with another character, though it is sometimes used as a stand-alone name.]; Mason [The word mason (“stone-worker”) is derived from the Old French “masson.”]

NICKNAME: Hyeon is also well-known as Mason, his American name which his mother gave to him at birth. It's her favorite name.

AGE: 30-years old.

DATE OF BIRTH: 1993 July 4th, early evening...

PLACE OF BIRTH: Seoul, South Korea.

OCCUPATION: Hyeon models sometimes but his full-time job is being a flight attendant at a major Korean Airline. He also owns a small business online which he established about five years ago. They sell beauty products mostly stuff coming from Korea.

RELIGION: Family's Christian, non-practicing.

ORIENTATION: Bisexual; Biromantic.

GENDER: Cisgender Male.

PERSONALITY

STRENGTHS: Tenacious, Highly Imaginative, Loyal, Emotional, Sympathetic, Persuasive

WEAKNESSES:  Moody, Pessimistic, Suspicious, Manipulative, Insecure

APPEARANCE

FACE CLAIM: Kim Woo-sung.

HEIGHT: 5′8 [172.72 cm.]

WEIGHT: 143 lbs. [65 kg.]

BUILD: Lean.

GAIT: Relaxed.

HAIR COLOR: Black; Hyeon does color his hair sometimes. Right now it's a lighter brown.

EYE COLOR: Brown.

BIRTHMARK: TBA. 

OVERVIEW: » SCARS: Tiny ones but nothing noticeable.

» TATTOOS: Hyeon has a few. Details to be added.

BACKGROUND

HOMETOWN: Seoul, South Korea; Los Angeles, California.

RESIDENCE: Seoul, South Korea; Los Angeles, California.

NATIONALITY: Korean.

ETHNICITY: Asian.

FINANCIAL STATUS: Middle class.

EDUCATION LEVEL: Bachelor's degree.

DEGREES: Degree in Hospitality / Hotel Management from UCLA.

SPOKEN LANGUAGES: Hyeon was born in Seoul but most of his childhood was spent in the US where his family moved when he was very little. His first language is Hangul and then English. He's fluent in Japanese and some Mandarin. He can curse in different languages, mostly Asian languages, he learned from his co-workers.

RELATIONSHIPS

PARENTS: Emma [m.] and Henry [f.] Both are still alive.

SIBLINGS: He has an older brother and an older sister.

CHILDREN: None.

PETS: He has a cat named Rocky.

SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIPS: 

» Hyeon is close to his siblings and mother. He is cousin to Rain.

FAMILY HISTORY: Nothing extra-ordinary about Hyeon's life. He grew up in a nice and respectable family. However, after Hyeon's older sisters started having problems in school due to bullying, the family migrated to the US since they have relatives in the country. Hyeon's mother did not want them to go through the Korean school system and not enjoy student life because of bullying. Hyeon did well in school in California where his family settled. They were surrounded with other Korean families and were great friends with them so they still grew up having that sense of culture and where they came from.

Every school break, Hyeon and his siblings went back home to stay with relatives and grandparents. After graduating college at UCLA, Hyeon decided to move to Seoul where he pursued many careers but loved flying so much that he decided to become a flight attendant.

ROMANTIC HISTORY:  Currently single. Although family friends' parents try to have their daughters date him.

PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS: Hyeon is best friends with co-worker Samantha Lee. He is also close with his cousin Rain.

THOUGHTS ON LOVE: "It will happen when the time is right."

HEALTH

PHOBIA(S): None, clinically.

HANDICAP(S): None.

MENTAL DISEASE(S): Hyeon suffered some depression and anxiety when he was very little due to what his sister went through.

PHYSICAL DISEASE(S): None.

#{ character sheet: hyeon }

[come-along-pond]

TEN FACTS ABOUT EVERY HP OC YOU HAVE GO

Are you ready for 80 facts??? NDKDKEKEK. EIGHTY.

Under the cut because good lord. Thank you for indulging me❤️. I may actually have another OC I want to introduce 😭

Universe 1:

Grace Marsh:

The sorting hat nearly put her in Ravenclaw

Her marauder nickname is ‘Felis’

Her Animagi is a grey tabby cat

The first friend she makes at Hogwarts is James

Marlene is her best female friend

Became the girls dorms pet as a cat and The Marauders tease her endlessly for it

She got pregnant a few months after leaving hogwarts

The first person she told about her pregnancy was Remus

bought Sirius a promise ring in seventh year

born March 1960

Amelie Black:

Is actually amazing at non verbal magic (it’s the Black family vibes djdkke)

She becomes a transfiguration teacher at hogwarts

Her middle name is Marlene

Urged Harry to complete his 7th year with Hermione, and then to become to DADA teacher

Fell in love with Fred in her 4th year when he comforted her through her father’s escape from azkaban

She was born in May 1979

Runs away from the malfoy’s in the summer before her fifth year

destroys the black family tapestry after the war

Never felt close to her mother until she realised she was also pregnant at 19

is the best auntie to the next gen weasleys

Flynn Early:

Muggle baby

Fell in love with Amelie the moment he saw her

Legit spent 5 months trying to figure out if any of the random men picking up the twins from primary school were dating Amelie (later found out it was their long list of uncles)

Became a massive Quidditch fan, Amelie takes him to one of Ginny’s games after she reveals the magical world to him and he is HYPED

When he and Amelie get married, he takes her surname

He’s irish!

He’s a teacher! He’s a trainee when he meets Amelie

Asked for George, Ginny and Harry’s permission to propose to Amelie (and the twins but they were like 7)

Once saw a picture of Sirius and went ‘God your dad was hot’

Went to Harry ‘Jesus Christ man you need therapy’

Grace Weasley-Black:

She’s a ravenclaw!

Cried when she saw Fred’s portrait at Hogwarts

Is very much a mummy’s girl, although her relationship with Amelie is rocky at times

actually loves Flynn, thinks he’s the best step dad ever

Loves uncle Harry

Middle name is Minerva

She’s a Ravenclaw!

Is James Sirius’ bad influence

Older Twin

Is a tea person

Ginevra Weasley-Black:

Her nickname is ‘Dora’ as her middle name is Nymphadora.

She’s a Gryffindor

Looks up to Ginny SO MUCH

Misses a father she never met because she KNOWS she would have been a daddy’s girl

Younger Twin

is a coffee person

Gets on with George SO well. This girl is a weasley through and through

teases Teddy about him being her god brother and god uncle dkdkkdkek

is the gryffindor team’s chaser

born on the 25th of Jan 1999

Universe 2:

Freyja Trelawney:

Ravenclaw girlies unite ndjdjd

Her singular seer vision is of Harry dying in Deathly Hallows

In her 20s she starts doing tarot readings in the muggle world

She was always a little bit jealous of the golden trio, she wanted a friendship like that

Her and Luna are besties

Her aunt gives her pocket money in her hogwarts years

Her father took her mother’s name

Her fav season is Spring

She hates drawing, just can’t get the hang of it

Harry took her to a pottery class once and she adores it now

Lucy Porter:

She was homeschooled

Her father’s a muggleborn

Her mother a pureblood

She comes from a family of hufflepuffs

her dad sent her to a primary school as a kid

She wanted to become a hairdresser when she was little

She identifies as queer

owns several pairs of heart shaped sunglasses

her fav colour is yellow

she hates hot chocolate

Universe 3:

Violetta Black:

Cried when she heard the news that Sirius was a gryffindor, because she knew her family would never forgive him

used to sneak out of her room when she had nightmares and go to Sirius

This changes to Regulus in Hogwarts

James saw some Gryffindors giving her shit and absolutely demolished them. neither mentioned it ever again

Narcissa teaches her how to be a ‘lady’, how to lie and keep your personality in the face of powerful men

Sirius taught her how to do eyeliner

She cut her hair in fifth year after Regulus’s death, eventually letting it grow over the next 2 years.

Never believed Sirius betrayed The Potters

She was in her seventh year at Hogwarts when Sirius was arrested

Remus finds Sirius sobbing in Violetta’s room after her death, clinging on to a locket she wore, he never knew it held a portrait of him and Regulus as children until after she died.

#it has taken me all day to do this lol #tw: hp #oc: Freyja Trelawney #oc: lucy porter #oc: grash marsh #oc: amelia black #oc: Ginevra weasley black #oc: Grace weasley black #oc: violetta black

[murasakiirohana]

//Random little thoughts about the girl group AU based of Shinobi Sisters that I’m jotting down until I feel up to making a cohesive thing for it

(heads up, slight tw for body issues mentioned in one bullet)

______________________________________________________________

Shinobi Sisters - Girl Group Idol Verse 

Ino’s the face of the group/ lead vocalist / dancer / ( possibly leader??)

Ino had always seemed to gather attention wherever she went because of her outgoing and bubbly nature, so it wasn’t surprising when she caught the eye of more than one or two talent agency scouts on the lookout for potential girl group members during her middle school years.

Ino had immediately taken interest in the idea of becoming an idol, but her father was insistent that she thoroughly consider what it entailed and didn’t let her jump right away into anything involving it. 

It wasn’t until a year or two later, when Ino’s interest hadn’t swayed even a little, that her father even entertained letting her pursue the opportunities.

Lucky for her, the agencies were still very interested in bringing her on board if she showed real potential at one of their auditions. She did.

Ino had a natural stage presence that gave her a solid start despite starting training at 15, which was later than most trainees. Ino made up for the late start by putting her everything into training which included staying in the practice room long after everyone else had dwindled out. She maintained her spot as one of the top trainees throughout her time as one which only helped get her to the stage quicker.

Unfortunately, Ino started struggling with body image issues during her trainee years and it would take several years later her for become more accepting and less harsh on herself. 

She did all this whilst maintaining excellent grades in school as well as per one of her father’s conditions to let her go through with this. She needed to have a solid foundation to fall back on should this not pan out. Her father always emphasized having a backup plan. 

Eventually she was called in and told that she would be debuting in a four-member girl group that would be known as Shinobi Sisters with fellow trainees Sakura, Hinata, and Tenten as her members. 

Whilst resolved prior to becoming a group, Ino and Sakura had a rocky relationship due to miscommunication and hurt feelings when they used to go to the same middle school. 

They’re closer than ever now, but that didn’t stop them from butting heads and causing tension during the lead up into their debut. Regardless, they’re professionals above all else and even if they were bickering behinds the scenes, it usually never bled into their actual work.

At the early stages of their group, Ino was often the member sent onto variety and reality shows to promote the group if only one member could attend as she was a natural at it. Her frequent presence on said shows helped garner attention to the group and pull in fans. 

#this was much longer than intended for what i was trying to do but it'll make it easier later ... hopefullly sjsjs #{ Verse II Shinobi Sisters II Temp Tag

[gothicblogs]

Under the weather

Under the weather is a very interesting short story written by Steven King. The main character is Brad Franklin who is also the narrator. Under The Weather is about a day in the life of an Adman whose wife has been feeling "Under The Weather" for about a week. It seems pretty predictable but the ending was still very interesting. Throughout the story we are given clues. The clues are intriguing and as the story goes on, more clues are given so anyone should be able to pick up on what is coming. 

Brad Franklin, The protagonist here, works in advertising. He tells everyone that his wife is under the weather and is "haunted" by his conscience and the psychopathy he creates. The man destroys himself far more completely than the wife that he murdered.

The story of a dead wife and husband who can’t accept that reality, Under the Weather is a simple macabre story that looks at loss and the inability to let go. Despite how short it is, it has a dark theme of denial. When you find out that someone that you love deeply is suffering and you can’t just accept it as a fact. So you keep pretending and living your life like nothing has ever happened. That is what Brad Franklin, the narrator and main character did.

“Under the Weather,” starts out simply with a middle-aged man preparing for another day at the office. His wife is still in bed, not feeling well, so, Brad writes her a note and leaves for work. While at the office, Brad thinks about his wife and her heart condition. His memory of the time she said if she died, he would use his imagination to pretend she was still alive foreshadows what is really going on. Receiving a call from the building superintendent about a bad smell coming from his apartment, Brad returns home and finds his dog licking her chops and his wife’s hand partially eaten. Although the story starts with the reader believing the wife was merely sick, she was, in fact, dead the entire time. After considering the quiet, normal pace of the opening, the ending comes as a tragic shock.

But how did Ellen die? It was mentioned that Ellen was suffering from heart disease, so that could be a possible cause. But perhaps it was Brad himself. It's clear that he is insane already so could it possibly have been him? I assume that their relationship might have been a little rocky since we find out that they aren't able to have children due to her heart disease. Could that have been the reason he went mad and murdered his own wife?

My personal favorite part of this short story was the end. Though we could see the twist coming it was still shocking. The last few sentences were so creepy. It's heartbreaking to see how devoted he was to his wife. He said he’d sit beside her until she wakes up, but we know she never will. So what happened after that? Maybe she died beside her or it was discovered.

The elements in this short story were, the power of memory and the main conflict perhaps being man vs self. He was trying to convince himself that Ellen was alive. I would guess that he has gone through trauma in the past and that's why he is the mad man he is.

The story was very short, especially after the twist it went very fast. I'd love to see what happened afterwards but maybe the story is better when left like this.

I have to admit that this story was one of the harder ones to analyze, but easier to read. It didn't have much meaning other than the inability to let go ,from my eyes, but it was a beautiful tale nonetheless.

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

Can we talk about how Amos is never subtle about staring at Holden?

#the expanse #amos burton #jim holden #that stare #jamos #oh captain my captain #amos appreciation #juggernaut of devotion #Holden’s like what? Whatever. it’s fine. #rocinante #epic #Holden brings the snuggles out of Murder snuggles #Amos never idolized him like he did Naomi #so their relationship went through the rocky (very rocky) at the start not the middle #Holden’s a tactile softie broadcasting his doofus emotions #righteous af hot mess & murder snuggles ultimate bff #everybody needs an amos #amos can always read you holden #holden gotta holden #holden’s soft tender mushy concern is on over drive for am😍s #eventually #this bond #is everything #amos is complicated #holden has two settings: in command and control or confused as fuck #Amos likes them both: Consistent #I just think it’s really beautiful #he stares and studies and tries to be better #the amos sparkle eyes of respect #amos mimic stare at holden

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Poseidon

Fishy fishy fishy… I honestly could write 100 more things for Poseidon MC and Levi. I just love the dynamic between an insecure, otaku shut-in and a chill California surfer dead set on becoming his friend.

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter, Athena, Hades Pt. 2, Poseidon 

For anyone unaware, Poseidon is also the god of horses. I know it's a weird combo, but I didn't write the mythos.

Lucifer

…..

They came out of the portal….

On a horse….

They brought the mortal down to the Devildom…

On a goddamn horse….

There's a demigod on a live horse brandishing a weapon and doing laps around the Student Council Room…

Congratulations, he already wants to pull his hair out!!

Honestly, it would have been preferable to pluck them out of the sea. At least then they'd just need a towel! What the hell were they going to do with an entire horse!?

And his nightmare didn't stop there. Poseidon is a notoriously mercurial god, prone to bouts of anger and spitefulness for reasons far less grievous than kidnapping his children… 

Their apology was swift and (seemingly) effective, though the tide waters around the Devildom did rise by several feet for some time…

As for the MC… uh… Well, they're an energetic one to say the least…

Lucifer hasn't met a more active individual since Mammon. They horseback ride, swim, surf, skateboard, and probably do ten other things - the point is, they Hardly. Keep. Still! 

They're also annoyingly easygoing… He can't count the number of times they've told him to, "Just chill out," or, "Hang loose…" What does that even mean??

Between having to order a stable made for their horse and just trying to keep up with them, Lucifer already thinks this mortal has caused him more trouble than they're worth… At least they keep Mammon busy...

Mammon

Upon first meeting them atop their horse, Sunset, his first thought was of course:

"I wonder if I sell that...?"

After that, they nearly fed him to sharks for trying to take their beloved steed on same night. Safe to say, he never touched a hair on its head again…

These two had a rocky start, but their relationship mended fairly quickly. As it turns out, the MC is literally one of those "go with the flow" types. You can say it was water under the bridge soon enough.

Mammon actually thinks the MC is a hell of a lot of fun, even if they're super laid-back. Most of the time, they won’t take his drive for money (or fear of his bills) all that seriously and tell him that he’s worrying too much, but they’ll still lend a hand if its on their way.

He finds their ability to control water pretty cool as well. Levi has it to some extent, but the MC can make a whole-ass whirlpool or use water like a whip! 

He once begged them to call up some rare fish for him to sell, but they got all pseudo-philosophical on him about how “trading life for material wealth” is “not cool, dude...”

He also made the mistake of challenging them to a splash fight only once…. They managed to drench the whole family with a single wave….

The only thing that bothers him is their weird insistence on being Levi's "Best Buddy…" Why would someone like them even bother with a shut in??

Is it the water? … Probably water. Levi, that lucky bastard…

Leviathan 

Thinks they're a big normie, no scratch that, a HUGE normie! The biggest normie he's ever met!! They skateboard and horseback ride for Devil's sake!!

...But they’re also, undoubtedly, the best friend he could've ever asked for.

To be fair to Levi, their friendship was sort of forced upon him. The MC took one look at him, his aquatic-themed room, and his pet goldfish then declared their new friendship status at that moment. 

Unfortunately for him, though, they're energetic, extroverted, and generally have little understanding of personal space… aka, an introvert's worst nightmare…

The next month could accurately be described as the MC doing everything in their power to make their stubborn "senpai" like them.

They would drag him out to the aquarium, beach, or pool; they befriended Henry so he could put in a good word for them; and they'd even bring him little gifts or trinkets they'd find on the ocean floor. Pretty shells and stuff like a cat bringing its master a dead mouse.

After he finally began to accept them as a persistent fixture in his life, he introduced them to gaming and anime and started accepting them little by little...

By the end of their stay, these two were practically inseparable. Not just because they like spending time together, but because they figured out they could have a telepathic link due to Levi being part sea serpent. 

No matter how far they are, they can always have a chat! (That no one else can hear so people think they’re just crazy...)

Satan

Satan honestly isn't the MC's biggest fan, he generally finds them too loud and gregarious for his liking. But their horse…?

He never really thought that he'd be a horse man... Yet it didn’t really take long for Satan to adore Sunset, their beautiful golden-maned mare. Apparently she's not their only horse, but by far their favorite traveling companion.

Sunset is a wonderful horse - brave, strong, and well-trained. It only took a few weeks before he was regularly sneaking out to the stables to brush her fur or feed her apples...

After the MC taught him how to ride, that was it. All other forms of transportation were inferior to him now.

Satan would ride Sunset everywhere and he looked damn good doing it! It takes all that fairytale Prince Charming thing he has going on and puts it through the roof.

It's a good thing too, because when I say everywhere, I do mean everywhere. Lucifer had to put seals on the House doors to keep Satan from riding Sunset through the hallways...

Of course, he’ll always let the MC have Sunset back when they need her!... with a little complaining but nothing terrible.

The MC doesn't mind much because Sunset likes him and they know he takes good care of her, but the rest of the House is slightly unnerved at how quickly he went horse crazy… What if they brought a giant crab instead?? No one wants to deal with crab-Satan...

Asmodeus 

Their body is just scrumptious. Oh, how he could look at their swimsuit-clad figure all day!! 😩

Between the swimming and the fighting, their form is toned to all hell and he can't get enough of it! Yes baby, yes!! Take those clothes off again!!! He'll help~! 😘

When he's not staring at them “totally respectfully,” then he's inviting them out to pool parties or begging them to take him riding...

There are parts of horseback riding he doesn’t like, the smell and the jostling specifically, but there is a kind of… romance to it, no?

He loves having the chance to snuggle up to the MC as they trot around the Devildom! It's so romantic, like they’re his knight in shining armor! (Or his demigod in a damp swimsuit, either works. 😏)

His Devilgram is just full of selfies of him and MC riding on the back of Sunset or sitting by the edge of the pool or them in the middle of a swim meet…

Yeah his Devilgram is now a one part him and one part MC-Appreciation account.

After the pact he'll eventually cool down some and stop staring at them like a sex-object, but even then he'll be at every swim meet. Don't you worry~

Beelzebub 

He actually really likes them! It's great to finally have another athlete in the House. 😊

The MC joined the RAD swim team just as soon the coach was able to convince Diavolo that having the child of a water god wasn't completely cheating... 

Since swim and fangol practice ends at about the same time, they walk home together a lot and complain about... sports things... (Forgive me, I don’t know sports. Uhm... Rival teams? Coaches? That one drill everyone hates? Stuff like that.)

Beel also can surf, skate, and snowboard so the two have a healthy competition going. They're about on equal footing so they tie often (except in surfing but Beel doesn't think that should count cause they’re probably cheating).

The only thing that he has to watch out for is Sunset… As in, he has to watch himself around Sunset because he absolutely could eat her on accident… 

Look, he doesn't want to and he doesn't even like horse meat that much, but even he has to admit there are times he gets hungry enough to consider it…

Of course, he knows that if he ever did Satan would rip him limb from limb then the MC would drown the rest so he really, really tries to control himself… but still… She’s a very healthy horse...

At least he didn’t try to sell her like Mammon. The MC hung him over a shark tank for that stunt… He’d feel bad, but Mammon kind of had it coming.

Belphegor 

The first time they met, the MC smelled like beach water and called him "dude-bro…" He didn't like his prospects.

For a while, he genuinely thought that they had a lump of sand where their brain was. They were just too chill!! Here he was saying that he's being held captive and they were like, "Well that sucks, man… I'll help ya, but I've got practice tomorrow. You can wait, right?"

It's not like he expected them to jump on top of it, but some urgency would have been nice…

When they eventually got around to helping him, he was actually looking forward to choking the life out of them for the extra wait. Unfortunately, they apparently had a horse…

Yeah, Belphie found out just a bit too late that the MC could summon their steed to them whenever they wanted and ended up with Sunset's hooves firmly bucking into his back for his trouble…

What followed was Belphegor running circles around the attic from the weapon-totting MC riding their terrifying murder horse until Lucifer finally intervened....

Thank the gods he wasn’t near any water….

As it would turn out later, as long as he's not being held captive in an attic Belphie kind of vibes with their laid-backness… They say they approach life "one wave at a time" or something.

He could care less about what that actually means, but what it translates to is "Stop stressing out and just keep chill" which he's all about.

Everybody should just chill out!... dude…. Nah, he'll let them stick to the “dude”-thing, it feels weird...

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me demigods

[cherienymphe]

Cruel Intentions (Steve Rogers x Reader)

WARNINGS: NON-CON, manipulation, mentions of abuse, therapist!Steve, silverfox!Steve, drugging

! DNI IF THIS OFFENDS YOU !

➥ Image by @angrybirdcr

      ➥ dividers by @firefly-graphics

This is for the “For the Fic” challenge whose winner for my fic was @darkficsyouneveraskedfor​

The entire plot was her request and I hope that you like it!

summary: after escaping an abusive ex, you find solace in a therapist recommended to you by a friend. 

~

“...I know I shouldn’t...but sometimes I blame myself. In Harry, I know that I was looking for what I never had in my family. I think it made me quick to rush into things...to ignore what I should have seen.”

Your eyes remained on the dark carpet, the man before you humming as the scribbling sound of his pen reached your ears. You fought hard not to fidget, a horrible habit you’d picked up in the last 3 years. You finally lifted your head again when the room was bathed in silence, eyes meeting familiar blue ones as he studied you.

You were used to these short moments of silence by now.

You’d been recommended to Dr. Steve Rogers by a friend, a friend who’d helped you escape your violent ex in the dead of night while he’d been away on business. She had grown worried when it became obvious that the effects of your tumultuous relationship would be lasting if you didn’t do something about it. Oddly enough, you’d been receptive. For 2 whole years, you’d wanted to tell someone, have anyone to turn to and talk to, but fear, a very valid fear, had stopped you.

Not only had you been worried for your life, something that was threatened on a constant basis, but you’d also been afraid of judgement. You worried what your friends would say, if they’d blame you for finding yourself in such a predicament, if they’d look down on you for no longer fighting back. It was only by a stroke of luck that Nakia had seen Harry slap you right across the face when he thought she’d left. You were grateful that she’d waited for him to leave before rushing towards your trembling frame, pulling you into her arms as she shushed you.

She had demanded to know how long this had been going on. She had been horrified and confused and angry. It didn’t take her long to come up with a plan, and within 2 weeks, after waiting for Harry to leave the city for 2 days, she’d gotten you out and into her place across town. You didn’t stay for long, maybe a few weeks, wanting nothing but to put it all behind you, and although she was sad to see you go, she understood.

It was how you found yourself in upstate New York, in a secluded tiny thing of a house. You hadn’t even realized that you’d become something of a recluse until Nakia had pointed it out during one of your weekly calls. It had never hit you that you went to work and to home and that was it. You barely ate anymore, so grocery shopping was never a frequent affair. That was when she’d told you about a well known therapist in the area, Steven G. Rogers. You had been shocked by how much you weren’t opposed to the idea as she went on listing all of his credentials. 

It was only moments after she hung up that you found yourself researching him yourself. You remembered noting how handsome the man was, even more so in person. His bright blue eyes and silver tresses complimented his strong features nicely, pink lips pulled up into a polite smile. You didn’t find yourself put off by the stranger, thinking to yourself that talking to someone you didn’t know, an objective listener who was paid not to judge you, might be for the best.

You soon found out that was easier said than done.

The first visit had been rocky, barely mumbling a thing and constantly fidgeting. You had hardly been able to meet his eye, and the session had abruptly ended when you’d left early, stumbling over your words as you gave some half assed excuse for your sudden departure. He was far more understanding than you deserved during your second visit. Wracked with guilt and anxiety, you’d written some things down that you wanted to talk about, and thankfully, the man hadn’t laughed at you. In fact, you remembered how fondly he looked at you as you unfolded it.

As it turned out, you didn’t need the slip of paper at all. Notes forgotten, you had rambled on for an hour. It was like once you started, you just couldn’t stop, and Steve simply listened the entire time. The next time he spoke to you was only to tell you that your time was up, and both embarrassment and disappointment had flooded through you. It must have been obvious, plain as day on your features, because Steve reassured you that it was normal to ramble. 

You had been reluctant to leave. After years of biting your tongue and living in fear of even making the wrong sound, you finally found someone to listen. Even if it was only a stranger getting paid for it, it was still something. There was someone to express your fears to, and although it had taken some time, terrified that you’d say the wrong thing and upset him, eventually, you started to express your anger too.

“...and then I get angry all over again,” you continued when he said nothing. “...because I’m smart, because red flags in others’ relationships have always been so obvious to me. I’ve always been the mom friend, the one who can spot trouble before it even starts. I’ve helped friends get out of situations before they even had the chance to turn sour…”

You shook your head.

“...and yet...it took a slap to the face to realize just how deep I was in? Not the jealousy, not the anger issues nor the way he’d isolated me from just about everyone in my life...but a slap? It should’ve never gotten to that.”

“You can’t blame yourself for the actions of others.”

It wasn’t the first time you’d heard that. Hell, it wasn’t even the first time he’d told you that, and yet here you were again.

“We can go in circles analyzing your own behavior and the things you did and the things you said, but the truth is that you could play it out in your head a million times. You could do every single thing differently, and it still wouldn’t change a thing.”

The corner of his lips lifted into a crooked smile, a familiar sight.

“Some people are simply cruel, and it has nothing at all to do with you.”

You sharply inhaled, unsure of why such a simple statement resonated with you so deeply. You stared at Steve, blinking a few times, opening your mouth to respond when he glanced at the clock. It was a tell tale sign, and your shoulders sagged. You would think that after seeing him for 7 months now, you’d be used to leaving after only an hour, but it never got easier.

“That’s all the time we have for today,” he said, standing. “You’re progressing nicely, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes, and he chuckled, eyes crinkling. 

“You are. Progress and healing isn’t linear. Sometimes you’re going to take 2 steps back before you can take 10 more forward. It’s all part of the process,” he assured you.

You sighed.

“Well… I guess that does make me feel a bit better,” you replied.

He sent you a small smile as he guided you towards the door.

“I’ll see you next week?”

You returned his smile with a nod and didn’t let your face fall until the door was shut behind you. The good thing about therapy was that you could recognize your own toxic behaviors now, and it was clear that you were becoming reliant on your sessions with Steve. You had never liked being alone, but you had come all the way out here to learn to do just that. For your sake, you needed to learn to love being alone. It was how you had gotten into this mess to begin with.

Your phone vibrated with a call from an unknown number, and figuring it was a scam call, you silenced it.

Your house was practically in the middle of nowhere, so when the tv wasn’t blasting or you didn’t have Spotify playing some light tune, the house could get scarily quiet. But that was what you wanted...right? Harry had always been so explosive. The smallest of things could set him off and then the sound of yelling and shattering glass would rain down on you. Silence and solitude was what you wanted, needed.

Your phone buzzed again as you settled into your car, and you huffed when you noticed it was the same number. Again, you weren’t unfamiliar with scam callers so you ignored it. You noted that you needed to go grocery shopping, but you weren’t on the precipice of starvation just yet, so it could hold off for another day. By the time you got inside, your phone had started to buzz again, and with a frown, you decided to answer it.

“Hello?”

You were met with silence as you unlocked your door, and you repeated yourself, but there was no response. With a sigh, you hung up the phone. You both loved and hated coming home. It was quiet and safe and everything you had craved for years now, but the unfamiliarity of it all unnerved you. Sometimes you were just waiting for Harry to come flying through the door, screaming and breaking things. You had to remind yourself that this silence, this security, is how it’s supposed to be.

You went about making a quick meal, hopping into the shower while leaving the stove on low. When you got out, in the process of moisturizing your arms, you noticed your phone buzzing with another call. From that same number. Unease filled you as you neared it, and you hesitantly reached for it before answering.

Again, you were met with silence, and frustrated and annoyed, you simply blocked the number. A quick look through your phone revealed that you’d missed several calls from the same number while in the bathroom. Blinking with a deepening frown, you set your phone down and made your way to your kitchen. Dinner, like always these days, was quiet. You curled up on the couch with your plate while you watched some old sitcom.

The rest of the night passed as blandly as it always did. Sleep was much easier to find these days, so you had no trouble as soon as your head hit the pillow. However, just as you were on the verge, your phone buzzed with another call. This number didn’t match the previous one, but it was unknown nonetheless. With a groan, you put your phone on silent and rolled over, sleep claiming you.

“I know it’s you,” you sneered into the phone.

Unsurprisingly, you were met with the faint sound of breathing, and you clenched your jaw. You slammed the car door behind you before stomping across the parking lot.

“I know it’s you,” you quietly repeated. “Stay away from me.”

You hung up before blocking the number, the 10th number you had blocked in the past week. Every few hours or so a day, like clockwork, you got calls from an unknown number. You’d always end up blocking the number after the first few calls, but they always called again from a different one. At first, they’d say nothing, and you’d listen to silence for a few seconds before hanging up. Now, they’d taken to breathing in your ear like a creep. It wasn’t even until you blocked the 3rd number did it finally hit you.

Harry.

Harry freaking Osborn.

You felt like such an idiot for not putting it together sooner. Of course, it was Harry. Was this not the same man who threatened to hunt you down and drag you back like some animal if you ever left him? You had always equated woman beaters to cowards so you never thought he’d have the nerve to actually do it. Putting the pieces together didn’t bring you any comfort. Your filthy rich abusive ex had managed to track you down. What comfort was there to find in that?

Since that day, you hadn’t had a proper night of sleep. Your mind was constantly at war with itself on what to do. Having been down this road before, you knew the police would be no help. You’d gone to them once before, at the very beginning after the first time he’d hit you. It was your first harsh lesson that money ruled over everything. If you thought hard enough, you could still recall his hands around your throat, eyes alight with anger at what you’d tried to pull.

Still, you considered at least trying to get a restraining order but at the end of the day, that was a mere piece of paper. If Harry came to your door, it wasn’t going to stop him from hurting you, and that’s even if the whole process went through. They don’t just give restraining orders out willy nilly. You tried not to dwell on that hypothetical situation, but if he’d found your number, it would only be a matter of time before he found your address.

“Oh!”

You’d only just entered the grocery store, barely stepping into an aisle when you bumped into someone. The chips and bread in his hands went flying to the floor, and apologies tumbled from your lips. It was only after you helped him pick up what you made him drop did you realize who you’d run into.

“Dr. Rogers...hi,” you breathed.

The corner of his lips pulled into a crooked smile, head tilting to the side as his gaze fell onto you.

“We’ve discussed this before, Y/N. You’re more than welcome to call me Steve,” he told you.

You gave a nervous chuckle, nodding.

“Yeah...uh… I normally do, it just...it just slipped my mind,” you replied.

He blinked at you, eyes narrowing just a bit as he studied you. His brows furrowed in that concerned way you were used to, a silver strand of hair kissing his forehead.

“Everything okay…?”

You folded your arms over your chest, nodding with a strained smile.

“Everything’s fine,” you lied. “It’s just… It’s been a weird week. Our next session cannot come fast enough.”

You forced a light laugh, and he joined you. He placed a hand on his hip, eyes boring into your own.

“There’s a coffee shop just over there,” he gestured. “Did you want to sit and have a chat?”

You frantically shook your head.

“Oh, no. I couldn’t,” you told him. “I-.”

“I know I’m your therapist, but I want you to think of me as a confidant outside of the office too. You’re more than welcome to talk to me anytime. In fact, I encourage it,” he interrupted. 

You nervously eyed him with a frown.

“Are...are you sure?”

His smile was comforting.

“This may be my job, but it’s one I chose because it’s one I enjoy. I don’t want you to feel like you’re only allowed to talk to me during our sessions,” he quietly said.

You bit your lip, and Steve continued.

“I’d hate to think that you’re bottling things up for days on end, suffering in silence because you’re just waiting to talk to me,” he confessed.

Your shoulders sagged, and you hesitantly nodded.

“...okay. I just need to get a few things for the house.”

“Okay,” he said with a smile. “You know where to find me.”

You parted ways, and a sigh escaped you. You really didn’t want to become reliant on Steve. Wasn’t the whole point of therapy to learn how to process your feelings and cope with them better? Running to your therapist every time you have a problem just seemed counterproductive. And yet, once your car was loaded up with the few items you bought, you found yourself making your way to the coffee shop.

After ordering a small drink, you easily spotted Steve at a table in the back. You noted that even outside of your sessions, he still dressed nicely. The dark button down he wore contrasted with his light hair, dark slacks making him appear taller. You felt simultaneously nervous and comforted as you settled across from him. There was a brief silence, one in which you sipped on your drink while he eyed you before finally speaking.

“So what’s on your mind?”

What a loaded question. You struggled over whether or not to tell him the truth. Your abusive ex had found you somehow and was currently harassing you. That’s not something you could just casually drop into the conversation. Besides, Steve was your therapist, not your friend. You didn’t think it fair to rope him into the drama with your ex. That wasn’t part of his job description. Right?

“Just sleepless nights,” you said.

It wasn’t a complete lie. Steve eyed you like he was waiting for you to continue, blue eyes soft.

“I’m also worried that...my past might not remain in the past.”

Once again, this wasn’t a complete lie. 

“How so?” Steve hummed.

“I can’t help but wonder about what will happen if Harry finds me. He always threatened that he would if I ever left, and while I never believed him before, I just keep wondering… What if he does?”

Steve tilted his head at you, and you leaned back in your seat with a sigh.

“I’ve moved all the way out here to get away from him. I’ve isolated myself because I thought it was for the best, but it would have the opposite effect if he ever found me. I’ve never been particularly close with my family as you well know, and I’ve left all of my friends. I’m all alone here, and it’s the worst thing to be if he ever did track me down.”

Like always, you had started to ramble, and you snapped your mouth closed, embarrassment flooding through you.

“What brought all of this on?”

Steve’s eyes were sincere as he ran them over you, handsome face twisted in concern, and you glanced away.

“Just thinking,” you lamely replied, eyes on your drink now. “It’s something I’ve always thought about, sure, but it’s been more pressing as of late.”

“Well...that’s what I’m here for. You shouldn’t have to deal with these thoughts alone,” he eventually said.

“I know,” you sighed, rubbing your temples. “...but I shouldn’t become so reliant on you. The whole point of therapy is to learn to deal with these things on my own, is it not?”

Steve exhaled, leaning back in his seat as he gazed at you.

“Not necessarily. Not always,” he answered. “...but even then, until you can get to that point, it’s best to lean into your support. After all, you’ve gotta crawl before you can walk, right?”

You nodded, taking in his words.

“...and even when you’re walking, you usually need someone there in the beginning to hold your hand in case you fall. I encourage you to talk to your friends more, maybe even branch out and find some friends here, but I’m here as well. Don’t halt any of your progress because you feel like you need to be dealing with this alone. Outside help does more for your progress than you’d think.”

“I guess that does make sense. I don’t know… I just- I’d feel so bad about showing up at your office throughout all hours of the day or calling your receptionist-.”

You cut yourself off when he took out a pen and a slip of paper.

“Here,” he said, scribbling a number on it before handing it to you. “This is my personal number.”

Your eyes widened. 

“Oh, I can’t-.”

“It’s fine, trust me.”

You hesitantly returned his smile, taking the piece of paper.

“Don’t hesitate to call me anytime you want to,” he told you, standing.

You joined him, fingering the note before sliding it into your pocket.

“Thank you…Steve. I don’t know if I’ll ever actually call you, but just knowing that I have the option makes me feel so much better,” you whispered.

You heard his pager go off, and you watched as he glanced at it. He let out a sigh, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he sounded disappointed.

“I’ve got to go, but I hope you’ll use that number if you need to.”

Thanking him again, you said your goodbyes, and you watched as he exited the shop. The slip of paper felt heavy in your pocket, so you solved that by putting his number into your phone. Just as you were about to put it back into your purse, it buzzed with a call from an unknown number. Fear settled into your gut, and with a grimace, you silenced the call and blocked the number.

You were late. You were so late it was laughable to even show up at this point. Your shoes tapped against the tile as the numbers on the elevator lit up as it passed each floor. You slipped through the doors as soon as they parted, and with no mind to check in, the receptionist calling your name, you raced towards Steve’s office. You reached his door just as he opened it to step out, and the papers that he was holding scattered to the floor as you collided with him. You hadn’t even realized how fast you’d been running until you were knocked on your ass. 

You could hear the heels of the receptionist as she ran over, apologizing to Steve for letting you slip past her, but he waved her off. She reluctantly returned to her desk, and you scrambled to sit up, reaching for everything that had fallen.

“I was beginning to think you’d never show,” Steve joked.

You gave a shaky laugh.

“I uh...I got caught up,” you replied through trembling lips, fingers shaking as you struggled to stack all of his paperwork.

You could feel Steve’s eyes on you, but you avoided his gaze.

“I know I’m late. Our hour is practically over, but I- I just… Um, crap.”

You had dropped the papers all over again, and you both reached for them at the same time. At least, that was what you thought. Steve’s hands covered yours, and you only just realized how badly they were shaking.

“Y/N.”

His voice was soft, exactly what you needed right now, but you couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Y/N, is everything alright?”

Your chest was tight, and you wanted to will your lips to form a yes. You wanted to tell him that everything was fine, but you couldn’t even get the words out. He called your name again, and you suddenly stood, taking the papers with you. You handed them to him as he followed your lead, still avoiding his eye.

“I’m sorry for being late, and I know that you probably have another session-.”

“I don’t,” he interrupted. “Come in.”

You glanced up from beneath your lashes as he opened the door, ushering you inside. You wrapped your arms around yourself as he shut the door behind you.

“Is everything okay?”

You turned your face away from him, unable to keep it from crumbling as you held in a sob.

“Y/N.”

The way he called your name had you freezing in place, a shiver running through you at his firm tone, authority in the one simple word. In a way, it reminded you of Harry, and you looked to him with wide eyes. Seeming to understand what he’d done, Steve sighed before sitting down, making himself appear smaller to show that he wasn’t a threat to you.

“I’m sorry,” he genuinely apologized. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. Please...sit.”

You hesitantly did so and reached out to take the tissue he offered you. You hadn’t even realized that you’d started crying.

“Now… I’m going to ask you again, and I’m begging you to please be honest with me. I’m here to help you in any way I can,” he whispered.

You wiped your face, sinking your teeth into your lip.

“It’s...Harry.”

Steve’s face was pinched with concern.

“What is it? Are you having nightmares again-?”

“No, you don’t understand. He’s calling me,” you confessed.

Steve froze, blinking a few times before his eyes widened, your words finally registering. You sniffed, fighting to hold in a sob.

“It started weeks ago, before we ran into each other that night…”

You didn’t miss the disappointment that flitted over his features, lips pressed together.

“...and I know I should’ve said something then-.”

“You should’ve called me.”

“I know! I know, but… I don’t know. I just wanted to handle this on my own,” you quietly said.

He didn’t respond, and you turned your eyes towards the window.

“Last time...I wasn’t able to get away on my own. I wanted it to be different this time. At first, I simply blocked him but he kept calling and calling from different numbers. Then I got a new phone...and eventually another, but it’s still the same. He keeps finding me,” you tearfully told him. “...and today…”

Your eyes met his, and you were comforted by the concern you saw there.

“Today I was at the police station. That’s why I was late.”

Steve straightened up at this.

“I thought that maybe I could get a restraining order or maybe they could trace the calls to show that it’s him, but the whole visit was useless. They boiled it down to petty relationship drama, and since there’s no record of his violent behavior because I never reported anything…”

You shrugged, scoffing.

“There’s basically nothing they can do. The whole visit was a waste,” you spat.

Steve heaved a sigh, and he slowly reached out towards you, leaning forward.

“I didn’t ask before, but… Is it alright if I hold your hand?”

You nodded. That was what you liked about Steve. He was always asking for your consent with just about everything, even the simplest of things, and it was such a nice contrast to Harry who used to feel like he was entitled to your body. Steve took your hand, throwing you a comforting smile as he eyed you, worried.

“I wish that you had called me,” he said.

You looked down, guilt filling you.

“I could have helped you before it ever got to this point. I have friends on the force, friends in high places who could lock this creep up if you wanted.”

“I feel like an idiot.”

Of course Steve, Dr. Steven Rogers, knew people who could help you. Of course he did! Your stubbornness had gotten you far deeper into this than necessary. 

“What have I said about self deprecating language?”

“Sorry,” you murmured.

“You’re not an idiot. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You’re just a woman trying to find her strength again.”

You hesitantly nodded, and he brushed his thumb over the back of your hand.

“I want you to get rid of your phone,” he suggested.

You frowned, and he continued before you could question him.

“I’ll work on getting a new one for you. A secure one under my name.”

You frowned, not liking the idea of being so indebted to him.

“Steve, I don’t know-.”

“It’ll only be temporary. You can use it until I talk to some people and have him properly dealt with.”

Even though you weren’t keen on the idea, you reluctantly agreed.

“...and you have to promise me one thing…”

You eyed him, holding his gaze as you waited for him to continue.

“Promise me that you’ll call me the second he bothers you again,” he proposed.

Accepting the fact that your stubbornness was doing you more harm than good, you nodded. Steve seemed pleased with that, and with one last pat on your hand, he let you go. As he guided you out of your office, your phone in his hand, you felt more hopeful than you had in over a month. You felt so silly for not seeking out his help sooner, and you couldn’t deny the weight that had been lifted from your shoulders as you settled into your car.

True to his word, at your next session, Steve presented you with a new phone. It had all of your important contacts with Steve being at the top of the list. Embarrassment had flooded you as you thanked him with tears in your eyes. The week without your phone had been the most peace you’d had in a while, and you finally got some much needed rest.

“You haven’t heard anything from him, have you?” he’d asked you.

“No,” you answered, shaking your head. “Not a peep.”

He threw you that same smile that always brought you comfort.

“Good. Even if you never do, you’re always free to call me,” he’d reminded you.

Finally deciding to let your stubbornness go, you did. Talking to Steve outside of your sessions was easier than you thought it’d be. It was like talking to a friend. Sometimes you’d meet up at that same coffee shop not too far from his office, and other times you’d be putting a quick meal together while he was on the other line, listening to you ramble. You soon realized that it wasn’t just his profession that made him that way, but Steve truly was an unbiased listener. He never judged you for any steps back in your progress nor for any of your more self deprecating thoughts.

Best of all, you hadn’t heard anything more from Harry.

Not until he knocked on your door one night.

It was late when you’d heard the pounding on the wood, and having been watching tv in your room, you wondered if you imagined it. It was only moments later that you’d heard it again. Your eyes had widened, sitting up in alarm. No one knew you lived here. Not even your mailman. All of your mail collected at a Post Office box before you eventually went to pick it up. You stood, standing in your room, trembling in fear before a knock on your bedroom window had you screaming.

You didn’t hesitate to call the police, and it took longer than you liked for them to arrive. All the while, you dealt with knocking and pounding on your window and door. Back and forth, it alternated with minutes in between before stopping altogether when the sound of sirens could be heard. Unsurprisingly, and frustratingly, the police didn’t find anyone.

“Look, we’ll get this report down to the station,” the brunette had told you, not looking concerned in the least.

Frustration filled you, and you shuffled on your feet.

“Can’t you...idk, have someone stay here? Not even the whole night but just a few hours in case they come back?”

The tall man sighed, and you glanced at his badge. Officer Barnes, you noted.

“With all due respect mam, we can’t just have one of our officers sitting in your yard because someone knocked on your door-.”

“I told you-!”

“I know, I know. The windows too,” he said, sounding exasperated, and your frown deepened. “The best we can do is get this down to the station. You’re more than welcome to call us again should anyone come back.”

You crossed your arms over your chest as they left, finding no relief. You swallowed as you thought about Steve. You didn’t want to, but Harry had found you, tormenting you by knocking on your house in the dead of night. This was exactly the reason Steve had given you his number. Swallowing down your stubbornness, and with a deep breath, you called him.

He didn’t sound like he was asleep, and for that you were grateful. You would’ve kicked yourself if you had woken him up. Finally getting out why you’d called him was an awkward affair, stumbling over your words, and you felt even worse as he agreed to come over. There was no hesitation, and you couldn’t help but feel as if you were taking advantage of Steve’s generosity. 

You mumbled out your address, surprised to realize how relieved you were. You couldn’t remember the last time you had trusted a man this much. Harry had made you so paranoid, but you supposed that was what therapy was for. This was why you had all those sessions with Steve. To learn to heal and to trust again.

You opened the door with a small smile when he finally pulled into your yard. He was dressed comfortably, and you felt much better about your own ratty t-shirt and leggings, but his casual attire made him no less striking. 

“Thank you,” you breathed as he stepped inside.

“I was up going over paperwork when you called. I’m glad you did,” he told you.

You leaned against the door as you closed it, rubbing your arms.

“I didn’t know if I should. It’s just… He was here, Steve. Knocking on my door and window like something out of a horror movie, and the police treated it like it was nothing,” you complained.

Steve tilted his head at you with a sad smile.

“First thing in the morning, I’m going to make some more calls. Since he’s in town, it should be easy to have him put away. At the very least, a restraining order.”

Relief and hope filled you as you brushed past him.

“I really can’t thank you enough for coming over. I promise I won’t keep you long, just until I feel I can be ok being alone,” you said over your shoulder.

He followed you into the kitchen.

“Can I get you anything to drink? Eat? It’s the least I can do.”

“Some wine might be nice. You might want to pour yourself a glass too,” he suggested.

You chuckled, and he joined you, but you agreed with him nonetheless. You poured a glass for both of you, and you leaned against the counter with a sigh.

“I just don’t understand why he can’t leave me alone. Hasn’t he put me through enough?”

Steve hummed.

“From what you’ve told me, he strikes me as a narcissist. I’d bet that he doesn’t want you to move on,” he mused.

“Maybe,” you distractedly replied as you heard your phone ring. “I’ll be right back. Let me grab that super quick, it might be Nakia.”

Your phone was in your room, but by the time you reached it, it had stopped ringing. Sure enough, it was a missed call from your best friend, and you brought your phone with you to the kitchen, determined to call her back. Steve’s eyes were fond when you returned, and you shrugged.

“I need to call her back. I’ll only be a moment,” you said, swiping your glass.

“Take all the time you need.”

You made your way to the living room, taking your place on the couch as you called her back. She answered almost immediately.

“Hey, what’s up?”

She greeted you with a soft exhale.

“Uh… Harry’s...dead.”

You froze at her words, pulling the glass away from your lips. You blinked a few times, trying to come to terms with what she’d said.

“...what?”

“I just found out. I honestly didn’t know how you’d take the news, but I thought you should know.”

She was right. You yourself didn’t even know how you felt about this news. You had loved this man at one point...but he was also your abuser. This was good news...right?

“How?” you finally asked her.

She sighed.

“Apparently, he’d been missing for months-.”

“Months?”

“Yeah,” she quietly replied. “They found and identified his body today. I just saw it on the news.”

Your stomach twisted as the truth, and the meaning behind it, sank in. Just because Harry had been missing for months, it didn’t mean that he’d been dead for months. It very well could have been him harassing you like you believed. But...if they’d found and identified his body today, then there was no way it was him at your house tonight.

“Thank you,” you eventually said. “Um… I’m glad you told me.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” you honestly replied. “I’m just a little unsure of how I feel about all of this, but I’ll call you tomorrow when I’ve slept on it.”

“Alright. Be safe.”

You said your goodbyes and returned to the kitchen with an empty glass.

“Everything okay?” Steve questioned.

Your face must have been an open book.

“Harry’s dead,” you scoffed, blinking as you still fought to process this.

Steve didn’t respond, and just like one of your sessions, he seemed to be waiting for you to continue.

“Apparently he’d been missing for months and they just identified his body today. There’s no way it could have been him knocking on my door tonight, and now...now I’m even more scared than I was before,” you confessed. “God, I can’t even fully come to terms with my feelings on this because I’m realizing that Harry might not have been the only thing I should’ve been afraid of.”

“Hey,” Steve soothingly said, nearing you. “Are you sure it wasn’t someone who got lost? Maybe they had the wrong house?”

You thought about it before shaking your head.

“No, it definitely didn’t seem like that. Oh my God,” you cried, letting your head fall into your hands.

Steve pulled you into his arms, startling you, but you eventually relaxed, the wine settling into your system nicely.

“It’s going to be alright-.”

“What if it isn’t? Because I’m the idiot who thought that Harry was the only possible danger out there, I’ve attracted another without even realizing it.”

“Hey, hey,” he soothed. “Maybe it was nothing, and maybe it was more. Either way, I’m only a phone call away. Say the word, and I’ll have an officer living in your yard if need be.”

You chuckled at that, and nodded.

“Thank you,” you said, looking at him. “I-.”

You swallowed your words when his lips met yours, soft and demanding as they moved against your own. You were stunned, and it took you a moment to realize just what was happening before you pulled away. You stared at Steve with wide eyes, hesitantly reaching up to touch your lips as you took a step back.

“Steve…”

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he breathed.

Your lips parted, a soft gasp escaping you at both his words and the fire in his gaze. It was so sudden and great that it froze you.

“Steve, I think… I think you should go,” you whispered, almost in disbelief.

He frowned at you, tilting his head just a tad as he folded his arms over his chest.

“Go? Why would I do that when you’re not feeling well?”

You opened your mouth to repeat yourself, even demand to know what he meant, but a sudden wave of nausea hit you, head feeling fuzzy. Steve caught you just as you stumbled, and you frowned, fighting to get out of his arms.

“What…?”

“You seemed really tense. I thought you could use something to take the edge off…”

You stared at him in disbelief, attempting to blink away the stars in your vision. Your legs felt like they were made of Jell-O as Steve guided you towards the living room. He deposited you on the couch, and you could hardly do anything as he laid you down, sitting beside you. His blue eyes, normally so soft and comforting, were dark with a longing you had never seen before.

“You were like a wounded little lamb when you first came to me,” he murmured, brushing his thumb over your lip. “So lost...broken… It’s because of me that you’re even halfway back together again.”

His hands moved to slowly undress you, taking his time, and your hands might as well had been air as you tried to stop him. You shuddered as the cool air in the house hit you, nipples pebbling, even more so when Steve brushed his fingers over them.

“I wanted to wrap you in my arms during that first session. Drag you back as you tried to leave, show you how a woman should be touched by a man.”

You were in a state of shock, disbelief coursing through you as you watched Steve undress. Even at his age, the man was a wall of muscle, thick bands making you swallow in fear as you hopelessly tried to tell yourself that this was a dream.

“Steve,” you whispered.

“I had to be patient. I didn’t want to scare you off, push you into the arms of another dangerous man. I had to help you heal before showing the kind of man I can be for you,” he told you, fingers on your face as he neared you again.

Your whole body felt weighed down, and you couldn’t stop your tears even if you wanted to. Your touch was light as you pressed your hands to his chest, feeling like you were going to be sick as he settled over you.

“Harry is gone. He can’t hurt you anymore, and I’m going to make sure no one ever hurts you again.”

The irony was not lost on you, but the way he said that struck something in you, and your mind traveled to the unthinkable. You didn’t get the chance to think about it some more before Steve was forcing himself inside of you. A choking noise escaped you as he filled you to the hilt, your legs spread wide to accommodate his frame. Steve released a shuddering breath, breathing through his nose, body trembling as he delighted in the feel of you wrapped around him.

It was amazing that while all of your senses felt dulled, you could feel his pulsing member inside of you so well. He surrounded you, bulky frame caging you in, and you felt like you would pass out from suffocation. Steve sighed just before his lips met yours, and your stomach clenched as he moved within you. A broken moan slipped out against your will, and Steve groaned at the sound.

“I’ll show you pleasure that you’ve never known, touch you in ways you never felt. I know how to make you happy,” he purred, his pace languid as he thrust in and out of you.

You turned your head away, the furniture of your living room blurring together from whatever he’d slipped into your drink.

“I know your deepest desires and your deepest fears. I know you better than anyone else out there…”

You hated that in a way, Steve was right. You’d bared yourself to him under the guise of trust and healing. He really did know all there was to know about you, and you hated yourself for it. You hated him for hiding his intentions so well, for taking advantage of your vulnerability and trauma. He tutted as you started to squirm beneath him.

“After all I’ve done for you...in all the ways I’ve helped you, the least you could do is give yourself to me. I deserve to reap the benefits of my efforts-.”

You gasped beneath him, legs kicking around him, but he only pressed himself more firmly against you.

“...I’ve gone out of my way to make sure you were safe, to protect you so that no more threats remained to you nor our relationship.”

“You’re crazy-.”

You cut yourself off with a yelp as he nipped at your neck, jerking in his hold as he continued to snap his hips into yours. His hands were gentle on you, a contrast to how he fucked you, his pace increasing with every passing minute. Despite the fact that you could hardly move, he wrapped his arms around you, holding you in place as the sound of your coupling filled the room, your core now wet and slick from his ministrations.

Steve seemed intoxicated, blissfully immersed in the feel of you and how you clung to him. His low groans and moans filled your ear, and you could do nothing as he covered your lips again, tongue tasting you, moaning at the taste of wine that still remained.

“My touch will never cause you harm, bringing you nothing but pleasure for the rest of our lives.”

~

tags:  @xoxabs88xox​ @harryspet​ @readermia​ @opheliadawnwalker3​ @nickyl316h​ @captainchrisstan​ @sebabestianstan101​ @villanellevi​ @lokislastlove​ @notyourtypicalrose​ @coconutqueen21​ @hurricanerin​ @hyoyeoniie​ @sherrybaby14​ @cocoamoonmalfoy​ @mandiiblanche​ @gotnofucks​ @oneoftheprettynerds​ @doozywoozy​ @sapphirescrolls​ @threeminutesoflife​ @searchforanotherway​ @mcudarklibrary​ @buckybarnesplumwhore​ @widowsmaximoff​ @nerdygirl8203​  @supernaturalwintersoldier​ @charmed-asylum  @harrysthiccthighss​ @patzammit​

#dark steve rogers #dark steve x reader #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader

[hellomynameisbisexual]

After growing up in small-town central Wisconsin, Sarah Wallisch came to Milwaukee to attend UWM. As a young adult, Sarah felt pretty disconnected from the local LGBT community, but also felt hungry for something – something that wasn’t really being served anywhere.

“I didn’t realize that people weren’t attracted to multiple genders until I was in middle or high school,” said Sarah. “I was really fortunate to have parents who didn’t enforce gender or sexuality stereotypes. They were always so supportive. When I was 11, my father showed me 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' with me. Seeing bisexual representation, right around the time I was starting to understand there was stigma for not being straight, cut through some of that stigma for me. My mother was asking if I was bringing my boyfriend – or girlfriend – to holidays long before I ever came out to her.

"Still, I felt this social pressure to ‘pick a side.’ I joined groups that leaned heavily lesbian, but they often saw me as an ally. I even had a girlfriend who told me not to call myself bisexual in front of lesbians. I still consider myself bisexual, but I often use queer, because it’s a useful shorthand to encompass sexuality and gender.

“So, I took to the internet to find bisexual and pansexual groups. At the time, there was 521 in Madison – where I first heard the term ‘non-monosexual’ – but nothing based in Milwaukee.”

Bi Definition formed in 1995 when two Counseling Center of Milwaukee groups merged to create a “social, support an activist organization.” Attendance and funding dwindled over the next decade, and by 2004, Bi Definition was out of business. For the next ten years, there was no bisexual support organization in Milwaukee.

It was an opportunity to be the change needed in the world. In 2014, Sarah created the Bi+ Pride Milwaukee Facebook page so that bi+ people searching for connection could find their community.

“It was an online-only space for a few years, with a few ‘what if’ coffee conversations here and there,” Sarah said. “But nothing really went anywhere until Amy found us. That was really the start of Bi+ Pride Milwaukee as we exist today.”

Bi+ Pride Milwaukee

Amy Luettgen, a lifelong Milwaukeean, grew up in Bay View. Married for 36 years, with three children and two grandchildren, Amy will soon retire from the State of Wisconsin after a quarter century of service.

At the same time, Amy has identified as bisexual for over 40 years.

“I tried to use ‘pansexual,’ but I guess I was just ahead of my time," Amy said. "I could just as easily use pan or queer, but I use bisexual because so many activists have worked so hard to make sure the B was included in LGBTQ.

“I don’t remember a time when I was not attracted to more than one gender. I knew bisexuals existed, but I couldn’t seem to find any in real life, and references to bisexuality were all so negative and diminishing. The only person in the world who acknowledged their bisexuality was David Bowie. It seems so quaint now, but you so rarely heard the word, so it was very affirming. It really mattered. Anything that made you feel as though you were not the one and only one mattered, a lot.

“When I left home at age 17, I just knew I did not belong in straight spaces and so I sought out LGBTQ people. It was not easy being out as a bi+ person. You were pressured to ‘pick a side’ and I just couldn’t. I was always identified by whomever I was in a relationship with. People were always telling me who I was, and that made things very difficult. I knew precisely who I was and there was no one who could convince me otherwise.

“After commuting to Madison for many years, I found time for extracurricular activities for the first time in a long time. I’d tried to connect with the community for years but could never seem to find what I was looking for. I felt isolated for most of my adult life, feeling like one of the few bisexuals I knew, and wanting to feel part of a larger community. I realized the only way to get things going was to try to do it myself. I reached out to the Bi+ Pride Milwaukee page in 2018, and it took off from there.”

Bi+ Pride Milwaukee

Together, Sarah and Amy joined other passionate local activists to form a dedicated steering committee. Bi+ Pride MKE hosted a series of regular monthly events that brought people together from across the region. Within two years, their online community grew from 100 to 700 followers. Although the pandemic stalled their social schedule, and planning virtual events proved more difficult than expected, Bi+ Pride MKE is committed to their community.

“We know how important a sense of belonging is for bi+ people, and we hope to make that happen again soon,” said Amy. “We’re enjoying this rare moment for reflection.”

There’s no LGBTQ without the B – so let's take this opportunity to understand the current state of bisexuality in Milwaukee.

OnMilwaukee: What are some of the challenges for bisexual people to find themselves and each other in Milwaukee?

Sarah: If you google “bisexual Milwaukee,” Bi+ Pride MKE is pretty much it! Even if you go to the LGBT Center’s website and search “bisexual,” you will only find one program. (Ed. note: The Center is only doing virtual programming right now, so this doesn’t include the discussion group run before COVID.) When people are looking for community, they want to engage with people who have some understanding of their experience. The first instinct for many LGBTQ folks is to check out the local LGBT center, so I think it’s especially important for centers to offer programming.

Amy: We were starting to turn a corner, with so many wonderful bi+ folks coming out, joining our group and being more willing to get involved with the community. We started a discussion group at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, and we were seeing growing attendance at our events. We started a private Facebook group for people who wanted community but needed more discretion. And then the pandemic hit! In early summer, we heard from an intern at the LGBT Center who wanted to start a new program, but we haven’t heard from them in months. Hopefully, they will get something off the ground soon.

Milwaukee has seen bi-first organizations come and go in the past. Why do you think it’s so hard to activate the local bisexual community?

Amy: I don’t think Milwaukee is unique. It’s a real challenge due to bisexual erasure and a lack of bisexual visibility. We are the majority of the LGBTQ population – an estimated 52% of all LGBTQ people. However, we don’t always feel welcome at queer events. When we are not visible, it makes it difficult to make and sustain connections. Thankfully, this is changing as more people come out as bi+ and there is more media representation of bisexuality. Anytime a bisexual person comes out, it is a major form of activism, as only 28% of us do so.

Sarah: What she said! There’s also an issue of bi+ people having to come out over and over again, sometimes to the same people. It’s like a relationship-based memory loss. Every time I’ve been with a man, people forget that I’m not straight. Every time I’ve been with a woman, people forget I’m not gay. Every time I’ve been with a nonbinary person, people forget that genders outside the binary do exist. People make so many assumptions about who you are based on the gender they think your partner is. It can be easier, in some cases safer, to let people believe their assumptions and only be your full authentic self with your nearest friends and family. But that eats away at your heart and your sense of self.

Amy: I have been out – and in and out again – for the past 45 years!

What is bisexual erasure, and how does it harm voice and visibility?

Amy: Bi erasure is when our legitimacy is questioned, and our existence is denied. It manifests when people make assumptions about our sexuality. It stems from an either/or thinking and a rigid mindset about binary sexuality. The nonsense that we must “choose a side.” Really? Says who? This stigma causes real, serious physical and emotional consequences for the bi+ community. Just imagine being told you don’t really exist or can’t exist. How would that affect you emotionally? Bisexual people see higher rates of depression and mental health issues, because erasure makes them less visible, less likely to come out and less likely to get the health and wellbeing services they need. It is hard to raise your voice, when your very existence is being questioned, and sadly this is something too many bisexuals contend with daily.

Sarah: I think it’s a pretty common experience for LGBTQ people to have a nostalgic connection to representation that we now recognize as problematic, because otherwise you’re just erased with no representation at all. I remember Alyssa in "Chasing Amy" having to constantly defend her identity. I remember Willow being written as, in her words, "gay now" when she fell for a woman. I think the first time I heard a media character actually say the word "bisexual" was the movie "Velvet Goldmine" – and it was said multiple times by multiple characters! A revelation!

According to a recent research study, more people know lesbian, gay or transgender people than a bisexual person. Why is it difficult for people to come out and be understood as bisexual?

Amy: I cannot count the number of times I’ve come out to someone, only to have them tell me, “You can’t be bisexual, you’ve been married for years!” Thank you, virtual stranger, you know me better than I know myself! It’s a constant battle.

Sarah: There’s an insidious trope that bisexual women are actually straight girls who want attention, bisexual men are actually gay and just afraid to come out and bisexual enbies don’t exist at all! It all comes down to misogyny: the idea that what everyone really wants is sex with men, and that if you are attracted to men, then your relationships with women and nonbinary folks are not “real.” It unfortunately leads to hypersexualizing bisexual people read by society as women and hyper-stigmatizing bisexual people read by society as men.

Amy: I do want to make it clear that bisexuality is not binary. It includes genderqueer, trans and non-binary people as well as “men” and “women.” But there’s always this question about whether it is easier for men or women to come out as bi+, and it’s a deep one, because it addresses the disparity of male and female sexuality. Female/femme bisexuals seem to always be defined by the male gaze, which is neither good nor healthy. Females/femme bisexuals do not have an easier time coming out or identifying as bisexual. In fact, they suffer a very high level of sexual violence because they are hypersexualized. Male/masc bisexuals are viewed as “really gay” or “not full ready to come out as gay.” This is very damaging and discouraging to bisexual men. In general, you cannot identify a bisexual or pansexual person by their partners or lack of a partner. Sexuality exists on its own.

Sarah: Being publicly and, somewhat, loudly out has shown me how prevalent bisexuality is in society. I’ve gotten Facebook messages from law enforcement officers who are closeted at work because the culture is too toxic to be safely out. I’ve had people whisper to me on the bus, “I like your pin, I’m bi too.” I’ve had baristas loudly exclaim they’re bi when they see my pride flag. While we might be the "least out" of the LGBT community, I think we’re hungrier for connection, for understanding and for community. I’d like to see the conversation reframed from “why is it so hard for bisexuals to come out and commit” to “what is it about our society and community that makes bisexuals feel like they aren’t able to be safely out in these spaces?”

What are some bisexual myths you’d like to explode?

Amy: There are so many damaging misconceptions out there – too many for one article to address! But here are the ones I wish would end forever.

"Bisexuality is a phase before someone comes out as lesbian or gay." While sexuality is fluid, and can change a great deal over a lifetime, being bi+ is a core truth. We have the capacity to feel attraction to people of multiple genders. While we may choose a life partner, we never not to be bisexual because that is not a possibility. It takes a great deal of strength and courage to come out as bi+, so if someone tells you that they are, believe them.

Sarah: This myth actively discourages people from being out, because it tells them that they don’t even know who they are. I like to say my only “phase” was not correcting people when they thought I was straight.

Amy: "Everyone is just a little bisexual, but women are more bisexual than men." Wrong. Just so wrong. There is no question that there are people who are romantically and sexually attracted to just one gender and have no interest in other genders. That is a scientifically verifiable fact. While it is clear that more younger folks are identifying as bisexual, as our culture becomes more accepting and welcoming, that does not mean everyone is bisexual.

"One cannot be bisexual if they have not been in a relationship with a man and a woman." False! A person does not have to be romantically or sexually active with anyone to identify as bisexual. They can be asexual, they can be celibate, they may just not have dated anyone yet. That does not change their identity. We do not owe anyone our romantic history to “prove” we are bisexual.

"Bisexuals are cheaters." Absolutely not. Bisexual people are no more likely to cheat than anyone else. Being bisexual has nothing to do with how you date someone, or what kind of relationships you prefer.

Sarah: I’ve never met a single person who cheated whose cheating had anything to do with their sexual identity.

Amy: "Bisexuals are transphobic." Very much no! The bisexual community has always included trans, non-binary and genderqueer human beings, as we see commonalities based on the fluidity of sexual and gender identity.

"Bisexuals aren’t as oppressed as gay men and lesbians because they have heterosexual privilege." First of all, it is never a privilege not to be seen and accepted for exactly who you are. We definitely struggle to be visible in the LGBTQ community and are often made to feel as though we are not queer enough to belong.

Sarah: Each part of the LGBTQ community has oppressions specific to their experience, and oppressions that overlap. The same people who cling to the myth of heterosexual privilege turn around and blame bisexuals for not being “out enough.”

What does the future hold for Bi+ Pride MKE and bisexuals in Milwaukee?

Amy: If you told me 40-plus years ago that more and more people would be coming out as bisexual and that society would be more accepting of queer people in my lifetime, I would have been very skeptical. I grew up during some very dark days for LGBTQ people. However, it has happened, and it is happening! We are seeing more bisexual representation in media. We are seeing more bisexual organizations popping up nationally and internationally. The more who feel safe and secure coming out, the more we will become a large and thriving force to be reckoned with. I have to be positive just because there is still so much to do. Being out and open is a form of activism. It makes a world of difference. We need to elevate and celebrate each other.

Sarah: I hope the future holds a continued expansion of how we understand attraction, gender and relationships. I think they’re all connected: As we expand our understanding of the universe of gender experiences, our understanding of sexuality will hopefully expand along with it.

Amy: To someone who is questioning their identity today, I say trust yourself. You are vibrant. You are valid. You are queer enough. You have a community. Join us! You will feel in your heart who you are and don’t let anyone else tell you differently. Seek out other bi+ folks when you can, look for any organization that can provide support, and know we want to see you and welcome you.

In the Midwest, there is BOPP (Biversity Madison, hosted by OutReach LGBT Community Center) and BQAC (Bisexual Queer Alliance Chicago).

Sarah: Trust yourself! You are queer enough. It’s okay for your identity to be a moving target. It’s okay to explore and try labels on, even if you aren’t positive if they’re 100 percent right. What works for someone else might feel all wrong for you and that’s OK. Our understandings of our sexuality, gender and place in the world may change over time. They may be constantly changing. It’s not your job to know who you are immediately. After 36 years, I’m still learning who I am, changing and reimagining who I will be. That’s one of the things I love most about the bi+ community: We try to cultivate spaces where if your understanding of yourself changes, that’s fine and great!

#bisexuality #bisexual community #lgbtq community #lgbtq #bi #support bisexuality #bisexuality is valid #lgbtq pride #pride #bi tumblr #bisexual #bi pride #bisexual nation #bisexual pride #bisexual education #bisexual youth #bisexual men #support bisexual people #respect bisexual people #bisexual rights #bisexual women #biplusus #bi+ #biphobic gay people #biphobic #biphopia #proudly bisexual #proud bisexual #bisexual and proud #milwaukee

[deidearly]

Kakashi Relationship Headcanons

Guess who’s back with another relationship headcanon today? And as usual, I had a good time writing this one even got slightly carried away, hehe. Enjoy! XX. 

Well— Hatake Kakashi, huh? Dating him would be such a roller coaster ride, tbh. It’s like, one moment he’s so clingy, fragile, so afraid of losing you— but one moment he’s like, “Just do what you need to do. I don’t really care.” This is due to the fact that he’s got a lot of things in his mind and occasionally struggled to sort out his priorities. 

Anyway, of course you’ve complained about his ‘reading-smut-in-public’ issue, especially when you’re together. You two would come up with an agreement somehow. But to piss you off, he’d pretend like you’re the one who’s obsessed with reading smuts.

You’re browsing for some important books and he playfully yelled, “Y/N! Come here, it’s your favorite book— Icha Icha Tactics! My, I know you’ve had four books, but another one won’t hurt, right? Since you love it that much!” making everyone in the bookstore giggled.

He received “Y/N Signature Punch” that day.

To your surprise, he’s not very secretive about his relationship with you. In fact, you’ve caught him frequently use you as an excuse for him to escape some unwanted occasions.

Let’s say Gai was asking Kakashi to fight him like usual— and he wasn’t having it that day. “Gai, with all respect— I would gladly accept your challenge. But can’t you feel the springtime of romance youth is blooming? I must see Y/N immediately.”

Gai’s tearing up.

Don’t worry, he actually went to your place.

“Yo. Can we hang out? I just told Gai that I would come to your place. Please say ‘yes’ to make me less of a jerk, will you?”

Would totally show up in front of your place at an ungodly hour.

At first it surprised you but now you’re used to it.

You just finished your mission, it went pretty well but you felt there were some wasted chances due to your captain’s miscalculation. It’s nearly 2 AM but you caught yourself wide awake, reviewing back your battle– only to got distracted by a knock on your bedroom’s window. Instead of turning your head in surprise, you already knew who it was. To have a little fun for yourself, you ignored the sound, which was later followed by a second knock. Walking over to the window, you saw a silver-haired man with a mask. Although half of his face was covered, it’s obvious that a smile was apparent. “Yo.” he greeted, but you replied with a sigh. “You could actually knock on the door and I’d let you in through the door. It’s something normal people would do, Kakashi.” you grumbled, opening the window for him to get in. “Ah, spare me the lecture!”

So, reverse psychology works best for Kakashi. Like the Icha Icha Tactics– the more you ignore his behavior, he would actually try not to read his book in public like you told him to. But the more you complain, he’d read it in places where he shouldn’t be reading it at all. This method works in almost every cases.

You’ve been dating for weeks, but you haven’t seen his face.

Yes, when kissing, too.

You’ve had enough of kissing fabric. 

You had planned to make a dinner together at his place. He was preparing the dishes and you’re about to finish your cooking, when he suddenly asked, “Hey, Y/N. Have you ever wondered what would I look like under this mask?” You were dying to know actually. So, now you’re stuck with two options: (a) be honest about it, (b) pull out another reverse psychological answer— and you chose the latter. “Huh? Not really,” you shrugged, “I don’t really care so it’s not like I’m eager to see it.” and of course, this was a lie. Kakashi went silent for a while. “Anyway, dinner’s re—“ you swore you could’ve dropped the whole pan when you saw an unfamiliar presence. “Kakashi?” you asked hesitantly. The man looked up with a questioning look, “Why are you blushing?” he replied casually.

“ANYONE WITH A DECENT EYESIGHT WOULD BLUSH TOO, YOU STUPID.”

He’s honestly so heavenly to look at.

Sometimes it’s just too overwhelming to see his whole face, you thought.

It’s safe to say that it’s a privilege to be able to see his face. But due to his immense charm, you’d prefer to have him with a mask on.

“Y/N, I feel naked without my mask—“ , “And I honestly feel like I’m being forced to see an illicit nudity, too. Put your mask on, it’s fine honestly.”

He’s been very good at his job for almost his whole life, a fine shinobi. So, he’s rarely exposed to mundane things, moreover a relationship. Thus, making him quite restrained in expressing himself. Plus, he was labelled with some negative titles, saying how cold-blooded he was and he just decided to live with it. This, obviously, requires a lot of patience.

But he’s determined to change, the first step he took was letting you in— into his life.

It started rocky, though.

He’d say something like how he didn’t care much about you and sadly, he really didn’t.

But as the time went by he realized how your presence has been the one that helped him through it. How you’ve always been there to comfort him, by listening to him, giving him a lot of supports, or simply by reminding him that he’s not completely alone.

And when that moment came, he’s sworn to protect you with all his might.

He had a lot of nightmares, he still does, unfortunately. But when you’re around, your presence eases him up a little.

When you’re not around, however, he’d rather spend all night unhealthily tiring himself until he fall asleep.

His personal favorite would be curling up next to you with his hand around your waist while hiding his face near the crook of your neck as he’s giving you some soft neck kisses.

Again, NECK KISSES.

He had a hard time trying to open up himself fully to you and this applies to romantic gestures, I believe. He surely would take his time to explore you, what you like, and what he likes.

Would shower you with kisses, all over your face without missing a spot. He greatly admires every inches of yourself. 

Body worship, oof.

Lowkey (semi highkey) protective.

Lowkey (semi highkey) a show-off.

Would straight up jump to save you if it’s necessary.

And since he’s a show-off, he lowkey loves PDA— but the soft ones, of course. You two would always get spotted together. He would casually sling his arm around your shoulder or lazily has his hand wrapped around your waist.

Favorite time to spend with you is training together. No matter how many times you’ve told him to “fight with an intent to win” he simply refuses— saying how, he’s “far too powerful” for you.

But deep down he just doesn’t want to hurt you…

Chatting in the middle of a training

“Tsunade-sama hasn’t assigned me any missions lately *throws kunai*” , “Maybe if you threw your kunai accurately, she will. *dodge kunai*” , “Kakashi, shut your pretty mouth up. *throws MORE kunai aggressively*”

When you turned him down while he was showing off his new tricks, though, it weirdly turned him on.

He loves someone powerful, with a right amount of cocky.

Doesn’t talk big. He’s a man of action— his action speaks louder than words!

Doesn’t spoil you that much, though. Because it’s actually him who needs to be spoiled.

Really loves it when you trace your fingers all over his skin— it’s intimately soft, he claimed.

LOVES YOUR SCENT. Has it memorized probably.

He’d prefer someone independent. Someone who could actually take care of themselves instead of relying on him completely. 

Anyone too childish would remind him of Team 7, tbh.

Speaking of Team 7, they would probably be the one to get introduced to you.

Naruto was so shocked to find out that his sensei was capable to develop a romantic feeling towards someone. But he had his doubt— do you really know Kakashi? He started to bombard you with questions to test your knowledge.

“So, do you know what’s Kakashi Sensei’s favorite—“ , “I’ve seen his face. Multiple times.” , “YOU WHAT?”

Complained and sulked about it, “Kakashi Sensei, we’ve trained together for years. How could you?!”

Sakura was confused.

“How? I know he’s probably very handsome under that mask but come on, Y/N, reading smut in public? That’s an absolute no.”

On the contrary, Sasuke was thrilled, internally.

“Yeah. Finally. Old man has someone to annoy besides us. About time.”

He has a pretty bad behavior, too. Unlike Gaara, who’d put an emotionless facade when he’s only in the Kazekage mode, Kakashi would treat you just how he feels like doing it that day. 

Let’s be real, he has so many bottled up feelings inside his heart so it’s not a surprise that someday, somehow, a random painful emotion just hit him— hard, and he shut himself out.

The hospital is the place you immediately visit right after Kakashi’s arrival after a mission because you know he’d be there— reading his book with a few bruises here and there. But this time was a bit different. When he’s hospitalized, he would whine about you not being able to stay more than an hour— but right now you’re puzzled, since he’s been completely silent and avoiding you, answering your questions with a mere shrugs.

Tsunade told you that the mission went pretty well, thanks to Kakashi for eliminating all the enemies on the field, singlehandedly. You automatically knew that it must brought up his past traumas. “Kakashi, it’s not your fault.” you decided to speak, earning a glance from Kakashi, but that’s it. “It’s a mission and you protected all of your comrades!”

“I killed them, Y/N. I didn’t have to, but I did.” he said, with his eyes still glued elsewhere. “Every time I look at my hands, I feel dirty. It reminded me of that—“, “Kakashi, look at me.”

You moved closer to his bed, reaching out your hand and traced your fingers softly on his face. His cheeks were cold, and you could clearly see how he was slightly trembling with teary eyes. “Kakashi, if you didn’t do it— it could’ve been your own comrades. Now they’re safe and sound, thanks to you.”, you paused as he slowly began to move his sight to you. “And if I could meet you way sooner, I would remind you every day that it’s never your fault— it’s never been. You’re a good person, Kakashi. I, and all of us, are forever thankful for the things you’ve done.” you whispered, now wiping a few tears that fell down to his cheeks. A weak smile started to bloom, “I’m forever thankful for you as well, Y/N.”

#naruto #boruto #hatake kakashi #kakashi hatake #kakashi x reader #kakashi x y/n #kakashi headcanons #kakashi imagines #headcanons #kakashi

[wkil-109-fmx-radio]

[Zone Info]

Events:

Helium I - Fought between 1993 and 1998 when tensions between governments around the world finally turned to war. Nuclear warfare wiped out Northern-Middle Eurasia, most of South America, South-Eastern North America, and Southern Africa. The war ended when what was left of Europe and Asia surrendered.

The Rise of Better Living Industries - BL/ind started as a weapons manufacturing/power company that rose into a major monopoly and self-governing body that overthrew the US toward the end of the first Helium War. It immediately began an effort to bring “peace” to the nation by ridding the country of all individualism and “radical” beliefs, believing that different ideas would turn into conflict. This quickly turned into ridding the country of creativity and self-expression to make a perfect, crime-free society.

Helium II - Fought between 2006 and 2011 when Better Living Industries had taken control of what was left of North and South America and began attacking the rest of the world, trying to rid the planet of ideas that didn’t match theirs. The East Coast started rebelling against the West Coast, where BL/ind had established their capital in what was once Los Angeles but had been renamed Battery City. A wall of nuclear bombs was dropped around the Rocky Mountains and thanks to the radiation around the globe affecting the radio waves, no one knows for sure whether there is anyone else living on the planet outside of Battery City and its surrounding Zones.

The Rise of the Rebels - Since the very beginning of Better Living Industries’ reign, rebels had appeared. When Battery City was established as BL/ind’s capital city, settlements started popping up in the desert outside of the city. On the East Coast of North America, a massive rebellion effort was led against BL/ind during the second Helium War. As the years passed, more rebels started appearing in Battery City and moving to the desert, eventually renamed The Zones, especially after BL/ind seemed to have destroyed the East Coast rebels. Rebels in the Zones became known as Killjoys and rebels in the city became known as Juvie Halls. Rebels began attacking Better Living Industries factories and facilities, hoping to weaken the company but only resulting in angering BL/ind.

The Fires of 2012 - From April till August of 2012, Better Living Industries began lighting fires across the Zones in an attempt to destroy the Killjoys, as they had grown out of BL/ind’s control. The Fires got out of control and ended up spreading to some Better Living Industries camps and buildings that were still stationed in the Zones. As a result, BL/ind blamed the rebels for the Fires and denied any claims of the truth. The blame being placed on the rebels sparked the start of the Analog Wars.

The Analog Wars - Fought between 2012 and 2017 or, to some, from 2012 to the present. The Analog War wasn’t your usual war; it was mostly small battles in the Zones or sabotage of BL/ind or rebel facilities. Better Living Industries describes it as “an effort to suppress the rebels and their radical and dangerous ideals.” During the war, BL/ind established the Draculoid and S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W units.

The Pig Bombs of 2017 - On July 4, 2017, Better Living Industries dropped a series of bombs in Zone 8 to destroy the Killjoy farming communities that were settled there. BL/ind had previously withheld using nuclear weapons in the Zones because they didn’t want the radiation destroying Battery City so they settled for dropping them in Zone 8, although they ended up also destroying several important Better Living Industries facilities in the process. The bombs wiped Zones 7, 8, and 9 off the map, left some places in Zone 6 uninhabitable, and created a wall of radiation around the Zones and Battery City, trapping them and isolating them from the rest of the world. This marked the end of the Analog Wars, although some believe that since there was no official surrender or treaty, the war is still going on.

Places:

Battery City - The capital of whatever is left of the US that Better Living Industries can control. In Battery City, the citizens are required to take “Happy Pills.” In the city, BL/ind controls the weather, the way people dress, where kids go to school, and where adults work. Every citizen has a set routine, sent to them in the morning along with their medication. In the center of Battery City is the Better Living Industries headquarters which is the tallest building and largest complex in the city and home to the Director, the head of BL/ind.

The Underground - The subway systems under Battery City where many juvie halls live and plot against Better Living Industries. “The Underground” doesn’t always literally mean the subway systems and can be used as a relative term for anywhere juvie halls may live.

The Outskirts - The edge of Battery City, bordering Zone 1. This is where lower-class citizens live, along with some juvie halls, as this is the least regulated part of the city.

The Zones - The desert surrounding Battery City, where the Killjoys live. As the number of the Zone gets higher, so does the population, as the Killjoys like to be as far away from Battery City and BL/ind headquarters as possible.

Route Guano - The most used interstate in the Zones, running from south-eastern Battery City all the way out past Zone 6.

The Getaway Mile - The interstate south of Route Guano, which is shorter and goes more south but is often used for quick escapes from Battery City.

Death Valley - The area outside of Zone 6 that is dangerous and completely uninhabitable due to the extreme radiation.

Lighthouses - Well-known places across the Zones that provide sanctuary for Killjoys on the run

Train Station Avenue - A popular lighthouse along Route Guano in Zone 5 that is notorious for fights, food, and hitchhikers

The Nest - The largest lighthouse in the Zones, located next to DESTROYA in Zone 4

DESTROYA Site - The home of DESTROYA, a massive droid built by Better Living Industries to destroy the Killjoys during the Analog Wars but ended up malfunctioning and turning against them. The droid was shot down and has remained there ever since.

The Bunker - An underground bunker turned nightclub in Zone 6, popular for raves and huge amounts of attendees

Witch’s Hut - A small hut in Zone 6 where a supposed prophet of the Phoenix Witch lives

The Tracks - A race track in Zone 5 used for competitive drag races where parties are held and bets are placed for your favorite racers

Vocabulary:

Angel Cake - Killjoys who travel across the Zones selling food for cheaper prices

Audition - Initiation rituals that gangs in or outside of Battery City may have for you to be able to join. What you have to do varies from gang to gang

Babysitter - a term used to poke fun at a gang leader but also used as a genuine term for gang leaders who may be visibly older than the rest of the gang

Bacon - dead or dying Dracs and Crows

Batt out of hell - a term for new Killjoys but not used in a derogatory way

Batt Rat - a derogatory term used by Sand Pups to describe new Killjoys who just escaped the city and don’t know the Zone ways

Black Smith - someone who’s good at repairing or modifying technology or cars

Bifrost - places in the Zones that were so greatly affected by bombs, that the sand turned to glass

Blanket drive - driving at night with the headlights off, the windows down, and the music turned up loud

Carbons - The currency used in Battery City and the Zones. One carbon equals four dollars

Chilly - something or someone that’s suspicious

Clap - a physical fight

Cloud - A large group of Draculoids and S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W traveling through the Zones

Compass Rose - a Killjoy who knows the desert like the back of their hand

Costa Rica - things that went crazy or got out of control

Crash Queen - a daredevil or thrill seeker who is known for doing things that could easily get them killed and doesn’t care

Deadfaced - taking Battery Acid

Dead Pegasus - a fuel company in the Zones

Debut album - someone’s first love

Digital - An important moment shared amongst two or more rebels that they know they will never forget

Draculoid - droids and brainwashed Killjoys designed to kill rebels. Also called "bats" or "Dracs"

Drifter - someone who lives a nomadic lifestyle and strays from commitment in relationships

Drifting - A relationship that isn’t strictly anything but simply some sort of attraction between two individuals. A sort of go-with-the-flow, whatever happens, happens kind of relationship

Drive sidestreet - another way to tell someone to piss off. Also could use “get off the highway”

Dust Trail - an urban legend or a term used by non-religious Killjoys to describe religious Killjoys’ beliefs

ElectroKat - the most popular battery brand in Battery City and the Zones

Exterminators - High ranking Better Living Industries officials placed in charge of S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W units

Fact News - The one news program in Battery City, notorious for spreading lies to the citizens

Favorite Record - someone’s significant other

Firefight - a fight using ray guns

Fly half-mast - that state after having recently lost someone close to you

Gearhead - someone who’s obsessed with all things mechanical

Gemini - someone suspected of being a spy for Better Living Industries

Ghost Chase - Searching the Zones for someone who is possibly, or most likely, dead

Ghosted - killed. Also can use "dusted"

Graffiti Bible - A collection of religious writings across the Zones, mostly talking about how DESTROYA will come back to life and destroy Battery City and the Phoenix Witch

Gravehead - crazy Killjoys who have lost everyone and everything and throw themselves into dangerous situations

Gravity - anything that brings you down

Groupie - someone who travels with different gangs and trades favors for food, water, and protection

Halo Head - religious Killjoys who believe their beliefs put them above everyone else, especially non-religious Killjoys

Happy Pills - Pills issued by Better Living Industries that they say will lift your spirits and protect you from the radiation but make you more submissive and easier for BL to control. The rebels call them "Battery Acid"

Hit the red line - run away, usually from a bad/dangerous situation

Icy - when someone dies or goes missing in a suspicious way

Juvie Hall - rebels who haven’t left the city, usually because they can’t or because they’re working with the Killjoys to smuggle supplies out to the Zones and/or give them information from the city

Killjoy - rebels who live in the Zones

Lawyer - someone who ruins all the fun

Mailbox - small landmarks in the Zones where an old mailbox is painted and decorated and filled with letters, mostly to people that other Killjoys have lost. The more religious Killjoys believe the Phoenix Witch delivers the letters put in the mailboxes to the dead

Maple Plaza - Places in Zone 6 where radiation is still very thick and dangerous

Mega - interchangeable with "wicked"

Motorbabies - people who live and breathe all things car-related

Mousekat - a cartoon character from Battery City

Murder - a magazine in the Zones with Zone news

Pangea - A friendly gathering of two or more gangs

Paperboy - someone who travels across the Zones collecting news, gossip, and reporting deaths, usually for Dr. D or Murder magazine

Phoenix Witch - a supposed deity of the Zones, looking out for the rebels and carrying the souls of the dead into the afterlife

Pigs - another term for Dracs and Crows

Plus - A battery replenisher used by droids that are known for being highly addictive

Power Pup - a pre-moistened dog kibble brand that is often the only source of food in the Zones

Ray Gun - guns that shoot high-powered lasers instead of bullets. Rebels often customize them

Rebel - anyone who actively works against Better Living Industries

Ritalin Rat - drug addicts, usually used for those addicted to Happy Pills but can be used for Zoneweed addicts as well

Robin Hood Honey - party going Killjoys that look beautiful but don’t act like it

Rongee Kay - Killjoys who wander from party to party

Royal - something fancy or high end

Runners - juvie halls who smuggle supplies into the Zones

Sand Pup - someone born in the Zones or someone who has lived there most of their life

Sand Worm - a derogatory term for Killjoys used by Better Living Industries

S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W - BL loyalists specially trained to destroy anything they deem worthy of destroying. Also called "Crows"

Screwhead - someone who parties too much and thinks too little

Shiny Magazine - a magazine for mature readers in the Zones

Shiny - interchangeable with "awesome" or "cool"

Shower Curtain - A rare day when the sun is behind the clouds and the heat isn’t so unbearable

Smiley - someone acting suspiciously

Sour - something off

Squeaky - not having committed a crime against Better Living Industries but still wanting to rebel against them. Also used when someone seems to avoid fights or dangerous situations even though they’ve never done that before

Static - another word for sand or remote areas of the Zones

Trojan Horse - a painfully obvious lie

Tumbleweed - someone who wanders the Zones, living a nomadic lifestyle, having no home or gang

Vend-a-Hack - A device used by Killjoys to hack into Better Living Industries vending machines to steal various supplies

Vending Machine - Dispense a variety of items, including ray guns, batteries, ammo, stickers, stress toys, Plus, Power Pup, and water

WKIL 109 FMX - Doctor D’s pirate radio station that plays news and music

Zone Rat - a derogatory term for Killjoys used by Better Living Industries and some Battery City citizens

Zoneweed - a popular drug grown and passed around in the Zones

#mcr #my chemical romance #killjoys #the zones #danger days #better living industries #bl/ind #party poison #fun ghoul #jet star #kobra kid #death tw #drugs tw

[kkusuka]

omg can you do pt.2 for “little toxic things </3” where the reader gets tired of there actions and tries to break up with them?? or something along the lines where they simply just ignore them. thank you!!! whenever you can!! <33

pt.1 <3

TW: atsumu’s talks about having an eating disorder for a bit, it also talks about growing out of an eating disorder!!!!

a similar asks : Can you make part 2, where they regret it and s/o and dead or like something really angsty? Btw. I really like your writing style.

I love your writing and I hope you are doing well! No rush or pressure or anything whatsoever, but maybe a pt. 2 to the toxic hc (the one with sakusa, suna, oikawa and atsumu) where the reader breaks up with them or something and how they react. Honestly it’s up to you what the ending is but I just wonder how they would react lol. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I love your writing and I hope you are doing well! No rush or pressure or anything whatsoever, but maybe a pt. 2 to the toxic hc (the one with sakusa, suna, oikawa and atsumu) where the reader breaks up with them or something and how they react. Honestly it’s up to you what the ending is but I just wonder how they would react lol. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

i know this was supposed to be headcannons but something came over me and i just wrote mini fics for it. 

oikawa

why did this get kinda long?

sometimes time gets away from him. the moment he woke up he knew how important this day was, and as much as he liked to pretend he wasn’t, he knew he was on very thin ice with you. he was going to make it better. hw had the perfect plan, al he had to do was get through practice on time and he’d be set! but, sometimes time gets away from him, and he’s too busy to check his phone when his serve is getting shaky. 

-

you believed him when he said he’d be there, but deep down you somehow knew that it was going to be like every other time. after thirty minutes you gave him a call, people started to look at you. at one hour you ordered the most expensive bottle of wine, and shot him more than a few texts. at two hours you ordered food and gave up on trying to contact him, the point was lost. when you finished your meal at 2 1/2 hours you came to the conclusion he wasn’t coming and he had failed to prove that he could keep a promise. 

- 

it was 9:45 when he finally checked his phone. teo hours and thirty minutes after he was supposed to meet you at the restaurant. he wasted no time, not even for a shower, and made it to the restaurant in record time. as he was walking in you were walking out. 

“y/n please listn! i’m-” 

“i’m over it Tooru, i love you, i really do but i can’t keep going through this. i’ll be cheering for you even if you can’t see me.” 

“please, please we-we can fix this-” 

“there’s nothing to fix, i’ll get my stuff and be out by tomorrow.” 

-

everything was numb now, when had you become so important to him? you were his entire life and he took complete advantage of all that you did for him. he was so blinded by his ambition that he had forgotten about the person who helped him get where he was. and deep in his heart he knew that there wouldn’t be anyone else, and some how he was going to get you back. hopefully you still loved him enough to et him try. 

sakusa

it was simple, he no longer had feelings for you. and he’d rather not go through the hassle of sitting down and talking it through with you. if you loved home so much than you would understand that he had to leave. but now as he sits in his half empty apartment that the two of you once shared, he isn’t to sure he made the right decision. 

-

he sees you everywhere now, it drives him insane. when he walks around the grocery store he sees the snacks you would always beg him to buy. or when he was getting a new cologne and the first smell that hit him was the perfume you would always wear. and on the plane back to Tokyo that only thing that calmed him was the photo of the two of you that he just happens to “forget” to take out of his wallet. 

maybe he should call you, and hopefully you would give him a chance to make it right. 

atsumu

103 lb. that wasn’t good enough, the girl on the poster that Suna gave Atsumu for his birthday was 98 lb. why wasn’t it working? you worked out everyday, ate 400 calories at best, what was going so wrong? Atsumu didn’t seem to even notice what you were doing and that hurt just a bit more than an aching stomach. what he did notice was the way your hair matted down and got thinner. and the way your skin lost it’s glow. and how the bags under your eyes never seemed to go away. 

and he didn't spare you these observations, or how all he girls you saw at that mall didn’t look like that. 

-

after five month you were diagnosed with an eating disorder, and that was the final straw to your relationship. it was like the skies had parted and you had truly seen what was going on. two hours later you had your best friend pack all of your stuff and you left the apartment. you could no longer kill yourself for this relationship, if atsumu wanted all the the girls in the Ads, than he can have them. 

- 

9 months and two relapses later you were finally free form the plague Atsumu had induced on you. you had gotten rid of anything that reminded you of the boy. you went as far as getting a new phone number. you had finally found peace with yourself and your body and no one was going to take that away from you. but clearly getting rid of photo’s of the man wont get rid of the real one. and you’re faced with the harsh reality when you run into him at an engagement party. 

-

he had a year and a half you realize what he had done. and he had, Atsumu was disgusted with how he acted, but never tried to contact you. he knew you didn't want to talk to him and i would just make it worse if he tried. he never truly realized what his words had done to you. 

-

“y/n-”

“i’m sorry Miya, i-i can’t talk right now” 

he understood, he did. but that didn't make it hurt any less. watching you walk out of his life for the second time hurt even more than the first. at east he didn't see you leave the first time. maybe one day you wont hate him enough so he can tell you how sorry he was. 

suna

two weeks of complete silence was the last straw of your already rocky relationship with the middle blocker. sending him one more useless text you decided you had, had enough. you weren’t going to fight for this relationship if wasn't going to meet you in the middle. it took you about 30 minutes to get all of the clothes that you had borrowed from him, and put them in a bag. it took you another ten minutes to make it to his house. and one minute to get to his door. 

-

when he opened the door to you, he isn’t going to lie he was annoyed and didn't want to see you. wasn’t the unanswered messages enough? couldn’t you take a hint. 

“y/n im not in the mood-”

“you don’t need to be in the mood, here’s your shit. you can go ignore someone else for two weeks. 

- 

in some sick way suna missed all of your messages, he knew he had no right to be thinking of them. but its 3:26 am and al he can think about is you. some of the sweatshirts still smelled like you but by now the perfume had dissipated. no matter how many photos of you he had, they didn't do how beautiful you were justice. if he was just a bit less prideful he would be at your door, sleep forgotten, and beg for you back. but for no he’ll just have to deal with the void of emotions lingering in his chest. 

#oikawa #oikawa x reader #oikawa x you #oikawa angst #oikawa drabble #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa tooru x reader angst #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x reader #sakusa angst #sakusa drabble #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader angst #atsumu miya #atsumu drabble #atsumu x reader #atsumu miya x reader #atsumu miya x reader angst #suna rintarou #suna x reader #suna angst #suna rintarou x reader #suna rintarou x reader angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader angst #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu!! angst

[amazingphilza]

maniac :: cc!tommy x reader

angst (?) , platonic (?) , gender neutral ! ib: conan gray’s maniac

this is satire & note that i write the reader to be a few months younger than tommy (besides that, i think it is fully inclusive !)

synopsis : you put all your hard work towards a useless crush. with no expectation for reciprocated feelings in the first place, it still all ends in a bittersweet slap to reality.

you grew up with minecraft and it was an understatement to say it was part of your childhood

even years later, you still maintained interested in the game

it wasn’t just a simple video game, the community inspired you to do many things

you aspired to be like the creators you watched at a young age like sky, dantdm, cupquake, stampy, and many more

making people happy and entertained was a dream

and when minecraft slowly began trending again in 2019, you started making your own content whenever you felt like it out of fun

you never got much views but it was an enjoyable experience nonetheless

but it wasn’t until the first minecraft monday you decided to push a bit more with your hobbies and worked hard to make it somewhere

however balancing your passions with school wasn’t the easiest

given, you were still only around 15 and your content wasn’t even that good

with not much of a goal or plan with your youtube channel, you fell out of interest eventually

you loved minecraft but you always a rocky relationship with it; getting back into it for a few months then pretending it never really existed for another few

besides the occasional videos you watched in your pass time, you didn’t stay that updated

then lockdown happened

it changed everything and even got you regressing back to old interests

soon enough you were back to minecraft

there was so much to catch up on

hermitcraft season 7 just started, there was minecraft championships, and smp earth and smp live, and so much more to look forward to watching

you were a bit late on both of the smps but your interest peaked specially towards smp earth and it didn’t stop you from watching the past videos

you first gravitated towards a certain youtuber’s videos first since you remember stumbling onto his videos before from your recommended page; wilbur soot

besides recognizing him from his you laugh you lose series and making parody-type of songs, you didn’t know much

however with a few clicks, you had binge watched his smp earth series effortlessly

you found yourself falling down the endless hole, finding more creators to watch through wilbur

one in particular caught your eye in an interesting way

tommyinnit

my god, how can someone be so annoying and pushy in these videos? like shut up already

and to find out he was barely months older than you frustrated you

you just wanted to be better in some way

if someone like him could be popular, why can’t you? yelling at others and causing problems didn’t seem that hard

and so you went back to working hard on your previously failed youtube channel but this time with a goal; be better than tommyinnit

it was a weird aspiration in your head but it worked

he was your age and successful, why need a better motivator?

tommy wasn’t the sole reason why you strive to make content since you truly did want to create videos to entertain people like the youtubers you originally grew up watching

and with the amount of free time you had, you thoroughly analyzed his content; what was the most popular, how he streamed, edited his videos, everything

you just completely studied the algorithm in general

along the way, tommy’s personality grew on you

tommy was undoubtedly a very loud and energetic person but you became fond of his ambitions

you understood why he was popular at such a young age; he was a natural entertainer

your spite towards the boy turned into a hope

a hope to be at par with him someday and even be mutuals

and it was like your dreams were suddenly manifested into existence

you gained a large following in the early months of lockdown and even was recognized to be apart of minecraft championships

it felt like yesterday that you were just watching your favorite youtubers livestream the same competition

and now you were situation in a team to play yourself for the first time instead of being a viewer for once

not to mention, with tommyinnit as a teammate

how did you manage to get so lucky?

under the excitement, you felt beyond never nervous waiting in the empty discord call for your team to join you to practice the mini-games

in the middle of gathering your thoughts together, you heard a sound from discord signaling someone joined the call

“uh, hello?”

you heard the familiar british accent you spent hours listening to from countless streams and videos

“h-hi! i’m y/n, how are you?”

you hoped tommy couldn’t hear the strain in your voice due to fighting your nerves, but you quietly celebrated that you didn’t freeze up altogether

“oh i’m good, thank you. and i’m tommy by the way, this is the first time we’re speaking, yeah?”

“yep! it’s nice to meet you”

“yeah, i’ve seen your name around the timeline a few times, you seem cool”

oh my god what?

“thanks! um i actually really enjoy your content not gonna lie”

“oh wow, good shit!”

and the conversation smoothly went on, bouncing back and forth between you two before your other two teammates joined the call

once everyone was situated, you decided to start streaming since it was your first mcc and you wanted a vod of you practicing to look at later on as a memory

your chat immediately noticed how much you were enjoying yourself, especially after all the short stories of talking about who inspired you in the past

the smile plastered on your face never left

after stream and your other teammates went offline, it was you and tommy left in the call once together again

“it was nice talking to you tommy! and the practice was really fun, i cant wait for the actual competition!”

“yeah definitely, we’ll for sure place high”

“hopefully. it’s my first time and i hope i don’t cost us the dub”

“nah, you think so? i mean rt and plumbella are also our team mates so you know, it’s all for fun in the end”

you knew tommy was implying the teamwork wasn’t going to be the best compared to the other teams but at least in the end you’ve both made a new friend

“yeah you’re right!”

“anyway it’s getting late imma hop off”

“okay tommy, talk to you soon?”

“yep!”

“alright byee”

“bye!”

the moment he left the call, you felt a sense of relief before a small wave of sadness took over

you wanted to continue talking to tommy but you knew you had other responsibilities to tend to

for the rest of the day, you couldn’t stop thinking of the call and mcc practice

the funny jokes, singing random songs, screaming for no reason, everything

it even kept you awake until the early morning

you buried your head in a pillow and screamed into it after realization hit

y/n no

no no no no no no no

you tried to recall anything that remotely related your other teammates which you remembered that didn’t include tommy

even if it was a few hours ago, you couldn’t pin point something specific

no

i must just be forgetful, right?

what the hell did rt and plumbella even say that whole call?

you vividly remembered everything with tommy and it was clear to you why

surely not

with putting a hand on your chest above your heart, you confirmed that you couldn’t lie to yourself based on the rapid speed

you liked tommy for a good while but it hadn’t clicked to you until now

eventually you fell asleep due to exhaustion but that’s to say you didn’t do so without imagining spending more time with tommy

ever since that day, time went by in a flash

your team didn’t do the best in mcc but it had been a while since then to have that as a concern

sadly you and tommy didn’t talk as often as you hoped but that didn’t make you have less feelings for him

on some days you felt bad since you thought you didn’t know enough about him to even be allowed to crush on him

it was a bit unprofessional but you were nearly 16, it’s normal to have these little crushes right?

eventually time came to rescue when tommy asked you if you wanted to accompany him in the dream smp

undoubtedly, you said yes

and for the few months during summer, it was where you two became even closer than before

however, once both of you two had to go back and attend school, it was harder to catch up with each other

even on calls together off stream, the occasional snapchat notification going off irked you in a way you couldn’t explain

only winter break was the small pause on your disappointment

but even then, it was a slow but steady hill of repressed sadness and frustration until early spring of the following year

you had hoped 2021 would be better than last year but after scrolling through twitter one day and seeing stans making rumors about how tommy had a crush on one of his classmates gave you the same pain you felt when school started last fall

you dreaded to look over at tommy’s most recent story time stream vod where all the gossip arose from; it was him stumbling over his words with the mention of a girl during a certain part

jealousy wasn’t the right word to describe the way you felt

you would never go out of your way to make tommy reciprocate the feelings you had for him

and if he liked someone else the way you saw him, you wouldn’t mind

having a crush is ecstatic, and if he has someone like that too, you should be happy

right?

you tried

what finally broke you was seeing a tiktok a few weeks later of tommy in college with eryn and another girl talking

you didn’t know how she looked like or anything but you wanted to sob

good for him

she didn’t even say much in the video and you dont know enough about tommy’s personal life to jump to conclusions like this

you knew you were acting irrational and you couldn’t be upset at tommy for something he couldn’t control

if anything, you never directly showed interest in him

you didn’t want to in the first place

it was a bad idea from the start

you looked back at the past year and all your intentions

what kind of sick fanfiction did you think you were living?

becoming a content creator, hoping to blow up, just to talk to a big youtuber you had a crush on?

oh my god

y/n what is wrong with you?

listen to yourself, y/n

you need to get some help

whether tommy was dating or even just had interest someone was none of your business

you had to move on no matter what it was and be good and supportive friend

it was dreadful to get over a stupid crush like this but after so much work you put in, you gave some sympathy for yourself

in a friend perspective, you were happy with whatever tommy did and was satisfied your friendship together, but you hadn’t realized how much you gambled from the beginning

and just for a crush?

you couldn’t comprehend how far you gone because you fancied someone

it wasn’t like anyone could get famous and become a popular content creator either

and now with you being on the dream smp along with a successful youtube channel at 16? you were grateful something pushed you enough to work this hard

but you’d never forget the fact everything that lead up to this point was a crush on no other than tommyinnit which first spurred from complete spite

“who’s the one better off now?” your thoughts mocked you from the complete irony

sigh

y/n, you maniac

#idk whether to actually call this platonic but it’s not exactly romance so #tommyinnit x reader #tommyinnit x y/n #tommyinnit x you #tommyinnit fanfic #tommyinnit imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt x y/n #mcyt x you #mcyt fanfic #mcyt imagine