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nashibirne · 3 years

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Gimme Shelter - 7

Here it is, the last chapter of Gimme Shelter. It took me a while to write it, I kinda had a hard time to let Kat and Henry go... I'm going to miss them. I hope you like the ending I chose for these two. If so, please let me know by leaving a comment, reblog or like. Feedback is much appreciated. 💜

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC (Kat Spencer)

Words: ~ 4.5 k

Summary: Henry has to deal with a personal crisis and he finds shelter with his old rugby mate Sam and his sister Kat. She used to be Henry’s best friend a very long time ago. Will they be able to become friends again or maybe even more? Chapter 7: An important conversation, a celebration and lots of love.

You can find the previous chapters and my other fics on my masterlist!

Warnings: RPF, mention of mental health issues, smut, sex (p in v), vanilla, unprotected sex, nsfw, 18+, fluff

UNBETA'ED! English is not my mother tongue, so expect bad grammar, wrong spelling, chaotic punctuation and clumsy language. All mistakes are mine…

I got a little help with a certain paragraph, thank you so much @sillyrabbit81 for your advice and your support. Love ya 💕

Credits: Pics for the moodboard from Pinterest. Face claims: Kat = Jennifer Connelly

Disclaimer: I don’t know the real Henry Cavill or anyone who's related to him in any way, this is pure fiction and a lot of wishful thinking.

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @artandotherdelights @notabronte @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @liliumdream @enchantedbytomandhenry @greensleeves888 @witcherfan @margauxmargaux07 @radaofrivia @m07belzen @a-little-counter-esperanto @starstruckkittyangel @mary-ann84 @sillyrabbit81 @emelinelovesjc @wheretheriversrunintothesea @lam0ureuxq @kingliam2019

Let the grand finale begin....

***********

"There's no need to be nervous, Kat."

Henry gave her a smile before taking a sip of his coffee.

They were sitting at their gate, waiting to board the plane that was going to fly them to Jersey.

"I know", Kat sighed, shaking her head slowly, "but I still am. I haven't seen your family in years, there will be so many people I don't know…"

"And they will love you. Look, Kitty, today is gonna be relaxed. You'll meet my parents, my brothers and their families and that's it. Just a casual dinner. Tomorrow there will be the celebration and I promise you it's gonna be great. My folks know how to party," he winked at her with a grin, "and on Sunday everyone except for my parents will be gone and we have a whole week to relax and just enjoy the island and our time together. Okay?"

"Okay," she smiled at him and took a bite of the muffin she had bought at one of the airport cafes, "I'll try to relax. Just distract me, tell me something... anything."

"That's the text for Instagram. The open letter to my fans and followers."

"Well, actually there's really something I want to talk to you about", Henry said reluctantly. He grabbed his phone and opened his google docs. "I need your opinion on this." He gave her his mobile.

Kat saw that the display showed a long text. "What's that?"

"I see," Kat chewed on her lip, looking him in the eyes, "and you want me to proofread it?"

"I want to know what you think about it."

"Alright. Let's see."

She stared at the words on the screen with a beating heart. Henry had been working on this statement quite a while now and she knew it would include his plans for the future. They had talked about different scenarios but she didn't know what he'd finally decided to do with his life and his work. She was curious but at the same time she was scared because many of these scenarios meant that he was going to leave St. Ives and her life. She took a deep breath and started to read.

The statement was deep and of unabashed openness. The way Henry described what he had gone through in the past year was very touching and she had to fight back tears several times. Relief flooded her when she read that he was asking his fans to give him a little more time to reorientate and that he intended to remain in the background for a little longer, stating that he was very happy at the sanctuary he had found and that good friends had given him shelter. What left her completely amazed was the last paragraph.

"Kal is going to take over your Instagram?"

Henry grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah. For a while. I think it's a good solution. I'm going to post pictures of him with captions that let people know what I'm doing without giving up my privacy until I'm ready to return and face the public again. It's my way of letting my fans be a part of my life although I'm not really present. I want to share what I'm up to but not the way I used to do it. I want to do more than promotion and I want to be more than a thirst trap, Kitty."

"You're much more than that, Hen", she took his hands in hers, looking at him with a frown, "so much more."

He gave her a grateful smile.

"I know that but many people don't and that's my own fault. The way I've presented myself on social media was very one-sided in the last year and it will be interesting to find out how many of my 17 Mio followers still like me when all they'll get to see in the next weeks is my dog. The ones that remain are the ones that count and in the future I want them to see who I am and what's important to me. I have picked three topics I want to concentrate on. First: conversation and protection of species in cooperation with Durrell. Second: mental health, focusing on problems men often face. I want to found a charitable trust that helps and supports men with mental health issues and that raises awareness of that topic. Thirdly: Fitness, because it's such an important part of my life. I want to show how good moving can make you feel but I also want to show the risks of overdoing it and that even very fit people can still have body issues and how I deal with these issues myself."

"First of all I think the statement you want to post is great. It's so sincere and you open up so much... It's a risk because you expose yourself but I think people will appreciate your honesty and I'm sure many can identify with what you've been through. And your plans sound fantastic, Henry. I know how important these topics are to you and you're going to be a great ambassador for all of this because it's authentic. This is you, people will notice and appreciate that." She couldn't help but give him a spontaneous hug. "God, Henry, I'm so happy for you."

Henry let out a sigh and shrugged, looking at Kat with an expression full of doubt and insecurity.

"What do you think?"

He hugged her back, pulling her into a tight embrace. "That's such a relief, Kat. I was worried it might sound stupid."

"Not a bit! It sounds perfect. But what about work? Do you already know where to go with your job?"

He took a deep breath.

"Yes. I want to return to filming but I want to leave my comfort zone a bit and try to get different kinds of roles. I'll have to talk to my agent and hope that he can find some interesting projects for me. I also thought about going on the stage again. Back to the roots, maybe I will find a theater that is willing to give me a chance. But that's just an idea, I'm open to anything. I just know for sure that I love my job. I want to be an actor and I'm ready to work again."

"And you will work again. I'm sure. Are you going to tell your family about your plans?"

"Sure. It will be a great relief for them to see that I'm back on track."

"Of course. It's a relief for me too."

"I know…"

They were interrupted by the announcement that boarding was about to start and so they got on the plane, heading to Jersey with a pretty good feeling.

****

36 hours later Kat was still feeling pretty good. The garden party was in full swing and she really enjoyed the jolly atmosphere, the food, the drinks and most of all Henry's company. His family had given her a very warm welcome and so she had a very good time. The garden was beautifully decorated and lit by countless torches, candles and chinese lanterns. A local band was playing cover songs on a little stage and a clown was entertaining the children.

It was almost midnight when Henry turned to her with a smile.

"Time for the big surprise."

"Can't wait. You've been such a mystery-monger lately."

"I know, but you'll soon know why."

"Well, you want to surprise your mum. Isn't that the reason?" Kat was visibly confused and Henry gave her one of his perfectly imperfect winks.

"My mum and...you. Maybe?"

He went away with a grin and left Kat with a beating heart. What kind of surprise could he possibly have for her? On his mother's birthday? She smoothened out her plain black dress with a nervous gesture before she followed Henry with her eyes, her arms resting on the cocktail table right in front of the stage. When he grabbed the microphone, Kat assumed he wanted to hold a speech, maybe telling his family and friends about his future plans but when he turned to the band leader for a whispered exchange she knew there was more to it. Henry nodded at each of the band members and Kat could tell he was nervous by his body language.

"Hello everyone," his deep voice echoed through the speakers, "I'm sorry to interrupt, I know everyone is having a great time and don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with a speech, but I still have prepared a little something. A surprise."

He flashed a bright smile at his mother, ignoring the teasing cheers and whistles coming from his brothers.

"Mum, I racked my brain over a special present for weeks. What would make you happy? What would surprise you? Eventually I had this idea I knew you'd love but that really got me out of my comfort zone. I worked hard on it and I hope you and everybody else will like the result." Henry cleared his throat with a sheepish smile.

"Come on man, spill it." That was Henry's younger brother Charlie and Kat couldn't help but chuckle when his older brother Simon joined in.

"Yeah, Hen, the suspense is killing us."

Henry shook his head, laughing and Marianne Cavill shushed her sons with an amused smile.

"Okay, well... I'm going to sing for you."

"Oh please, spare us. You can't sing." Charlie again, he'd always been a cheeky guy and obviously he hadn't changed a bit. Henry laughed out loud, pointing his finger at Charles.

"Right, brother, that's why I took lessons. I spent many, many hours at our neighbour's who is a vocal coach. Kat is my witness."

All eyes turned on her now and she couldn't give them much more than a shrug, a nod and a smile to confirm his words. She wasn't able to say anything, but her mind was racing. He had been taking singing lessons with Mel, who had been a music teacher and vocal coach before her marriage. The revelation hit her hard and unexpected, flooding her with relief and a hint of shame. She had been so suspicious all this time without a reason. Nothing had been going on between Hen and Mel, nothing inappropriate, nothing intimate. He had been telling the truth.

Henry's voice interrupted her thoughts and she took a deep breath, turning her attention to what was happening on stage.

The band started to play and Kat immediately recognized the song, Green, Green Grass of Home, and when Henry began to sing she was completely captivated by his full, warm and dark voice. He did great up there and it didn't take people long to pull out lighters and smartphones to wave them in the air to the slow rhythm of the song, creating a sea of lights that illuminated the garden.

"Well...I better get started before I chicken out and change my mind." He nodded at the band with a grateful smile.

"We only had the chance to rehearse two times so please be lenient with me. Thanks guys for playing along and allowing me to take over... Anyway, I've prepared three songs. Enjoy."

Kat looked at Mrs Cavill, no, at Marianne -it still felt strange to call her by her first name- and she was beaming, tears of pride and joy sparkling in her eyes. Kat was incredibly happy and proud too, it just felt so good to see Henry perform, completely at ease with himself, confident and charming as ever.

The next song seemed to be some kind of family hymn. After only a few lines of Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline everybody was singing along, even the kids, and Kat joined in, soaking up the jolly atmosphere and the good mood that was so infectious. Henry obviously had a great time too. He was smiling all over his face and it made Kat glad to see him so relaxed and happy. Before he began singing the last song, he spoke softly into the microphone.

"The next one is for everyone who's in love. Grab your loved ones and get on the dancefloor, it's time for slow-dancing", and after a little pause he added, "this one's for you, Kat."

I know that you've been hurt before

He looked her straight in the eyes and his words sent shivers down her spine. She noticed the curious glances people gave her and she knew she was blushing but she did her best to pretend to be cool, calm and collected, taking a sip of her red wine. When the music set in, Kat easily recognized the song. It was a slow version -Henry's version- of a Curtis Stigers song and she already loved it after the first few words. She knew the lyrics by heart and thinking about them awoke the butterflies in her belly.

Happy couples filled the dancefloor looking lovingly at each other, dancing slowly to the music. Henry's full voice was perfect for the song and he kept looking at Kat. Their eyes were locked and to her it felt like no one else was around, like Henry was singing just for her.

But that won't happen anymore, no no

Just give your heart to me

And I'll guard it with my life

I don't know what I'd do

Baby, without you

His words found their way right into her heart and for the first time in 22 years she felt ready to finally let go of the past, to completely trust him again, to believe him and to forgive him.

You're all that matters to me

The ground that you walk

The air that you breathe

Someday you'll discover

I don't want no other, believe me

You're all that matters, baby

All that matters to me

She realized that a teardrop was rolling down her cheek and she wiped it away hastily. Concern was showing in Henry's eyes when he saw that she was crying but the smile she gave him showed him it was a tear of joy and relief flooded him. He couldn't wait to finish the song now, couldn't wait to dance with Kat, to hold her in his arms.

Loud applause followed his performance, accompanied by calls for an encore that he declined politely with a shy smile. Henry made sure to tell the band to continue with some ballads and after receiving some very tight hugs and kisses from his extremely happy and proud mother he finally joined Kat at their table.

"Fancy a dance?" He offered her his hand with a charming smirk.

She nodded and took his hand, following him to the dance floor where he pulled her close. They swayed slowly to "You Are The Sunshine of my life" for a while without saying anything, content with just looking at each other, before Kat broke the silence.

"You were great up there."

"You liked it?"

"I loved it, Hen. You have a wonderful voice. Mel seems to be a good coach." Kat gave him a sheepish smile.

"Yeah, she is. Once she'd realized that I wasn't interested in more than singing lessons she was very professional and pretty strict."

Henry grinned at her, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was supposed to be a surprise and I wanted you to trust me." He shrugged, giving her a tender smile.

"And I didn't. I let you down. I was such an idiot, Henry. I should have believed you, I am so sor…"

"No, Kitty, please... don't apologize, okay?" He looked at her with a frown, seriousness showing in his eyes. "You had every right to be mistrustful, I understand that. Just tell me that you think you will be able to trust me again some day."

"I already do. I…"

They bumped into another couple and it wasn't the first time. The dance floor was crowded and everyone was keen on congratulating Henry on his performance. It felt like every single party guest was watching them.

"Wanna leave?"

"Yes," Kat nodded with a smile.

****

"It's so peaceful, isn't it?"

"It is. It's beautiful." Kat squeezed Henry's hand before resting her head against his shoulder. They were walking down the beach along the dark shore, that was romantically enlightened by a bright full moon hand, in hand. The sea was calm, just giving off its soothing sounds and a cool breeze that made Kat shiver. Henry took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Thanks", Kat said with a smile, "not only for the jacket but for bringing me here and for this wonderful night."

"Did you enjoy the party?"

"Of course, it was so much fun and I loved your performance. Especially the third song."

Henry stopped walking and turned to her, taking both of her hands in his, looking her deep in the eyes.

"Every single word was true, Kat. I meant it. I'd never hurt you again. You're really all that matters to me. I know you find it hard to believe me, but…"

"I believe you," Kat cut in, "I felt it. I feel it now."

Henry stared at her. "You do?"

"Fuck, yes, I do!" Kat threw her head back, laughing out loud, feeling incredibly happy and light-hearted all of the sudden. "And I feel the same, Hen. Exactly the same."

She cupped his face with her hands and did what she had been longing to do for so long. She kissed him. It was a gentle kiss, almost shy and when Henry felt her mouth on his, her soft lips united with his, skin on skin, no tongue, just tenderness and love, he was beyond happy and savoured every single second.

When Kat pulled away reluctantly he rested his forehead against hers taking a deep breath.

"I feel like 17 again", he whispered.

Kat laughed softly at his words. "So do I. It feels great."

The next kiss started off just like the previous one, innocent and sweet, but when Henry pulled Kat close to deepen the kiss all the bottled-up sexual tension and energy, all the suppressed passion and desire of more than 20 years erupted and they started to make out hungrily, starving for love and intimacy. After a while things really heated up and Henry was the one to put the brakes on when Kat started to fumble with his fly.

"If you don't want me to take you right here we better take it to the bedroom, Kitty", Henry sighed, his voice thick with arousal and desire.

"Well, I've never done it on the beach…", Kat smirked, biting her lower lip.

"Seriously? Here?" Henry took a look around checking if the coast was clear.

"I was joking, Hen. I hate having sand in every pore." Kat nudged him with a grin. "Just take me home."

They made it to the cottage in record time and started to undress each other right in the little hallway, kissing and fumbling like teenagers. While Kat was unzipping Henry's trousers, he was unsuccessfully trying to open her bra.

"Front clasp, Hen", Kat explained to him breathlessly.

"Fuck", Henry chuckled, "I swear I'm not gonna be that clueless once I'll have you naked."

"Good," she answered with a lewd smile, stripping off her bra when he'd finally managed to open it, standing in front of him in just her panties.

"God, you're beautiful, Kitty." Henry let his eyes wander all over her body while stepping out of his pants. He took off his socks and now he was facing her naked too, except for his briefs.

"You don't look so bad yourself, pop."

She grabbed him by the hem of his underwear, pulling him close for another kiss. Kat gasped when he lifted her up effortlessly, wrapping her legs around his waist, feeling his hard-on pressing against her wet panties. She moaned into his mouth when he moved his hips, dry humping her teasingly. Henry carried Kat to his bedroom and laid her down on the bed. He stripped off her pants before he did the same with his and when they finally were both naked he climbed on top of her, looking her deep in the eyes, before kissing her again. It was a long, slow kiss and Kat let her fingers run over his back till they reached his butt. She squeezed his ass and pulled him close, sighing with lust when Henry started to kiss her tits and to suck her nipples. She reached between her legs and grabbed his dick that was pretty impressive, giving it a few strokes that made him moan loudly.

"Fuck, Kat...I need you…I need to feel you...now."

She brought the tip of his cock to her entrance, bucking her hips, inviting him in.

"Take me. I'm yours, Henry."

"Are you on birth control?"

"I am, don't worry. Just go for it. Please."

Her words weren't more than a hoarse whisper but Henry heard them crystal clear. He moaned again when he realized that it was finally going to happen. He was about to make love to Kat and it was like a dream come true. A hot, sexy, wet dream and he couldn't help but feel a little nervous. He penetrated Kat slowly, gently, enjoying the moment that marked the beginning of their first time.

"God, Hen…", Kat moaned softly as he stretched her pussy, kneading his ass and lifting her hips to meet him halfway, "you feel great."

"I love you, Henry," she whispered before she came with a loud moan. She arched her back and Henry felt the shiver that ran through her body and the contraction of her pussy that tightened around his cock. The feelings that flooded him were more than Henry could take and he cried her name out loud when he got off, releasing an enormous amount of cum and the thought of filling her up like this made him thrust into her cunt hard and deep one last time. "Fuck...Kitty." He collapsed on top of her, gasping and panting, holding her tight, pressing a kiss on her lips. Henry looked her in the eyes with a loving smile.

He started to move slowly once he filled her completely, looking her in the eyes. It was impossible to turn back time. He wasn't her first, she wasn't his first but he still intended to make their first time together feel special, he didn't want to fuck her mindless, he wanted to make tender love to her. He thrusted a little faster and deeper now and Kat followed his rhythm, her gaze resting on his face. They shared another sensual kiss, moving in sync for a wonderful long time, prolonging the intimate moment as much as possible, enjoying the sensation of closeness, their bodies and souls connected.

Henry's moans got louder, turning into raspy grunts which was a great turn on for Kat, who was a panting mess. Breathing heavily she was getting closer to cumming with every thrust that hit her cervix, with every stroke, brushing against her g-spot, with his lower body pressing and rubbing against her clit. She watched Henry, who had his head bent back now, eyes half closed, his upper body propped up on his elbows that were placed left and right of her torso. She wrapped her legs around him, making him go even deeper before she grabbed his head and pulled him in for a sweet kiss. They locked eyes and his gaze was full of tenderness, his pupils tinted black and filled with lust.

"I love you too, Kat."

A few minutes later they were lying side by side, holding hands, their faces turned to each other.

"We should have done that 22 years ago."

Henry grinned at Kat, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"I doubt it would have been so good. Teenage Kat was very self-conscious and a little prude and I guess teenage Henry wasn't a pro at handling this weapon right from the start." Kat touched his dick and gave him a teasing wink that made Henry chuckle.

"Right. We've come a long way. It just feels like we've wasted so much time...all these years."

"We can't change that, Hen", Kat said, "but we can make the most of the time that's still to come. Let's just be happy together from now on. Let's spend as much time together as possible, let's have lots and lots of fucking great sex, let's have fun, let's share our joys and sorrows, let's share our lives."

****

Epilogue

Two years later.

Kat sat at her desk in her office with a happy smile on her face. Mr. Darcy was sleeping on her lap and she held a letter in her hands. Bringing it close to her nose she took a deep breath, smelling Henry's scent, his tangy, musky cologne. It was a habit they had established in the last years. Whenever Henry and Kat were separated for more than a few days they sent each other love letters. Handwritten in ink, the exclusive, handmade writing paper perfumed with their odours, the lines filled with their love. The letters usually weren't long, most of the time they shared just short poems or simply a few sentences about how their days had been without each other. It was their old fashioned way of showing their affection and of staying in touch in addition to their conversations via phone or facetime.

"A letter from daddy", Kat whispered, stroking her round belly tenderly. Eight weeks to go until they would welcome their first child and a little more than half a year until their wedding. "Let's see what it's saying."

Kat opened the letter carefully and pulled out the thick paper to unfold it.

"My darling Kitty,

Only three days to go until I finally can take you in my arms again. I can't wait to kiss your lips and your belly to greet you and our little bean. I don't have much time, you know how tight my schedule is, but I needed to write down this poem for you. It would make a great wedding vow, don't you think? Just read it and let me know how you feel about it when I'm back.

"Mouthful Of Forevers

I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers. We have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin.

Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we’d given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal.

I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book.

I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you.

And I will not be afraid of your scars. I know sometimes it’s still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know: whether it’s the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

I will love you when you are a still day. I will love you when you are a hurricane."

Isn't it perfect for us?

by Clementine von Radics

I love you!

Forever yours,

Henry"

***********

The End

#henry cavill #cavillry #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill rpf #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill smut #friends to lovers #slow burn #Spotify

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jarofstyles · 4 years

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You Again

A/N: Hello! We’re so happy to be posting the first of many one shots to this blog. We have a lot of goodies lined up and coming soon and we’re really excited to be sharing with you all! If you’d like, feel free to follow us to make sure you’re up to date on anything we post :) enjoy!

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masterlist

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: age gap (23/36), alludes to smut

word count: 6.4k

He should have gotten her number.

That thought had been circling his mind for the past year since this stupid speed dating event he had gone to. She was a younger girl, Y/N, her name was. She had been the only one to grab his interest truly, and they’d both laughed off the prospect of dating because, well-- she was 22, and he was 35. That was a major age difference and neither of them were into that. Or so it seemed.

He didn’t get her number.

They’d had a good conversation about how awkward this stuff was, they’d laughed all 10 minutes of the speed date before saying farewell and at the time, Harry ignored the little twinge in his chest that sprouted when she had left him to go talk to someone else. He had figured it was because he thought she was fun to talk to. Now, after many failed blind dates set up by his mother with snooty or money-hungry heiresses, he was looking for something real. Something born out of a connection. Not a fat wallet. And as much as he had tried to deny it in the past, Y/N had been the only one he had felt that with.

He searched for her on Facebook, a website he only used for looking at cat pictures and videos of food he would never make, looking for Y/N’s in the area. He didn’t think there were that many.

That led him back at the place where it all started, this stupid fucking speed dating event that landed him in this mess. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking. Part of him was hoping he would see her by chance, or maybe someone else that would light up his heart. Naturally, Harry was disappointed to walk in before it started. Y/N wasn’t there-- and yeah, he knew it was a long shot. She was a young, beautiful, sexy and intelligent woman. It wouldn’t surprise him if she had been scooped up and had a child on the way already.

It filled him with a sadness he couldn’t describe, not having his own family yet. He wanted children so badly, wanted a wife to come home and kiss. His house was too big to be alone. Harry had known what he wanted. A year to be selfish and take up all of his woman’s time, and then babies. Whatever type of marriage ceremony she wanted, he wanted a wife to love on and kiss, to make love to and be silly with.

He looked down at his phone and sighed, scrolling through emails when he heard a familiar voice. Soft and distinct to him-- no fucking way. There was no way.

“Hi, sorry I’m late! I got caught up in traffic and I had to rush over here... did you already start? Is there room for me?” Y/N asked the organizers kindly, knowing they worked so very hard on these events and that lateness was probably not the most tolerated. She had offered up a gentle smile as they told her she’d made it just in time, ushering her over to a table that already had someone sat at it.

Y/N couldn’t lie and say she didn’t come here without purpose. It’s been about a year since she had last been to one of these events and she still thought about what it would have been like to actually date him-- Harry. In their brief 10 minutes together, she gathered that he was ready to settle down, he had his life already together. At the time, it all seemed too quick for her, the idea of having a family at the ripe age of 22. She thought that dating a man who was so set in his ways would mean she didn’t have freedom anymore, but what had really changed in a year? Her mother was still pestering her about having grandchildren, all her friends were getting married. She was still the same Y/N, she still wanted the same things. Sure he was older, 12 years to be exact, but they were both adults! They’d gotten along well! They’d had a good laugh and he wasn’t unattractive either— she so blindly shrugged him off because she thought he wouldn’t want someone so young. Come to think of it, he was a great fit for her and she blew it. Instead, she spent a whole year going on shitty dates, horrible horrible dates that made her want to give up on anything at all. Maybe this little speed date thing would bring her luck again. Just one guy who gave her the same vibe Harry did and she’d be okay.

Funny, if she didn’t know any better she’d think this guy sat at the table she was walking towards was Harry. Dark brown hair, the broad shoulders. The outfit was a bit more eccentric though, that she wasn’t really expecting, but Y/N really wasn’t one to judge. She had grown up a lot in a year, had figured out what she really wanted, she wouldn’t be making the same silly mistake twice.

“Hi, sorry to keep you waiting.” She spoke in an apologetic tone, but it wasn’t until she got settled in and looked up at the man sitting across the table that she realized that it was, in fact, Harry who was sat there. Y/N’s eyes went wide, noticing he had a similar expression on his face.

“You again?”

“Fucks sake!” He smiled, leaning forward on the table. “It really is you. Wow...” He took her in. She had grown considerably and he loved it. She was more professional-looking, seemed to have more of her life together. But he was overjoyed. “I can’t believe I found you again! I was trying to find you on Facebook... Do you know how many Y/N’s there are in this city? A stupid amount.” He muttered. “But wow... I didn’t expect to find you here. I was hoping, I mean.” He felt giddy with energy. He had found that he was more excited than he had ever anticipated. “I kept thinking about you since last time. I think I made a mistake.” He said softly. “Not getting your number and laughing off the possibility due to an age difference. That’s my mistake.”

“I mean, maybe it would have helped if I had a Facebook.” Y/N laughed a bit, “but that’s really sweet... Why didn’t you call the organizers? They probably have my information on file.” She hadn’t bothered finding him because well, he was much older and she assumed he wasn’t really looking for her but he’d been looking for her. This whole time.

“I did, they said they weren’t allowed to give out information for safety purposes. I understand that much.” He was glad she wouldn’t be in danger because he had met some crazies when he came last time, that wasn’t her. It was weird. But now, he was hoping that they could continue where they’d left off. “Want to go then?” He asked, looking at her with an amused smirk. “What? There’s no point in being here if we want to just talk to one another. There’s a coffee shop just a few doors down.” He nodded his head towards the door.

Y/N was shocked at his suggestion, but then again she really did remember him always knowing what he wanted. She looked at him with a raised brow for a moment, deciding fuck it. She had gotten back up, blushing as she waved over to the organizers and told them that she’d found what she was looking for. She really had.

----

Y/N got herself a panini and a coffee, paying for it before he even had the chance to offer because who said this date had to end here? Besides, she didn’t want him to think she expected him to pay, she could afford lunch for herself. They’d sat down at a table by the window, a nice cushioned booth for two. It was cute. Y/N had moved the sunglasses up onto her head and pulled her hair back behind her shoulders, looking at him with a curious gaze as he observed her.

“What? Haven’t changed that much, have I?”

“No. You just look as though you’ve grown quite a bit. In maturity, I mean. You have the air of someone who is put together. Last time I saw you...” Harry could see her confusion. “You looked more hesitant. More unsure. Now you seem to know what you want. It’s a good thing.” He smiled at her. She was so cute. He was incredibly attracted to her but that wasn’t a surprise. She was beautiful and had pink lips and big eyes and curves. Beautiful. Sure it was a bit soon to think about but, he was sure they’d make fantastic children together. Curly hair and soft little noses. He could only hope they’d get her nose.

“Yeah? Feel like I have. Tried to figure things out, haven’t exactly had the most success.” They both hadn’t clearly. It was nice for Y/N to hear from someone who hadn’t seen her in a year that she had grown up and matured a bit. 22 to 23 was a bigger step than most people believed. Last time they spoke, they had bonded over the fact that both their mothers were looking for them to find partners. They had both been searching for different reasons, but Y/N felt like she had spoken too soon. He wanted a family and a wife to love fairly soon and now that she had a whole year to think about it, Y/N wouldn’t be opposed to being a wife with a family fairly soon.

“How have you been? I’d like to know what you’ve been up to. How your writing has been. You write about home goods, yes?” Harry smiled widely as he settled into his seat, waiting for his coffee and muffin to come to them.

“I’ve been well.” Y/N laughed, shaking her head when he commented about how she wrote about home goods. “Yeah, I’ve um.. I’ve extended my blog page. Been doing well as far as posting goes, have a few brands that consistently work with me.” Y/N nodded with a smile, “Speaking of which, if it’s good here I might just post about it.”

“Yeah?” He was trying to read her. She seemed comfortable enough with him but this was technically a first date type of thing, so he was hoping that she would want to go on more. “That’s amazing. I’m glad that you’ve been able to expand. I’ve been wondering what you’ve been up to. To be honest... assumed that you would have been snatched up by now. I’m very surprised that you haven’t been but truthfully, m’ glad.” His lips quirked up. “Gives me my own chance.”

“You flatter me.” Y/N shook her head, knowing full well had he had just been kissing her ass a bit. Sure, she was an attractive young woman, but to think she’d been snatched up by now? She hadn’t been so hopeful. “Though, I can say the same about you.” Y/N blushed, keeping eye contact this time so he knew she was flirting. She knew she could be bad at it at times.

“Has your mother calmed down on trying to get you to date?” He questioned, leaning on his elbows and planting his chin on his joined hands. “Mine certainly hasn’t, but they were god awful. Swear she doesn’t have a good personal radar.”

“My mother cannot be stopped.” Y/N snorted out a laugh, “She’s just... she is setting me up with just about anyone really, just wants me to hurry up and fall in love. She wants grandkids.” Y/N explained, knowing he would understand. Her mom was older than most moms of girls her age, probably much closer to his mom’s age. She wanted grandkids soon. “It’s a shame... but I can’t say I’m too upset with the outcome now. Happy we can at least take things into our own hands.” She took a sip of her coffee. He was very attractive. She couldn’t believe she passed this up last time.

“Me too.” He was beyond happy that Y/N ended up around him. She had taken up a chunk of his brain for a long while. He hadn’t gone full force and asked people to find her because part of him felt as if it was in the stars, then it would happen. And it did. So he was positive now that he needed to try this out. “I understand that. I’ve been on a few and I’ve been so confused as to why my mother set me up with particular people... it made no sense at all. But I had to admit I did compare them to you a bit. I knew I had made a mistake a day or so after the speed dating round the first time, not getting your number at least.” He adjusted in the seat, putting his phone face down on the table after getting a work notification. All his attention was in her. “I have to be honest with you and say ideally I’d like marriage and children in the next 5 or so years.” Ideally as soon as possible. “Look... I know this is an intense conversation for us the first time we truly go somewhere, but I don’t want to waste your time if that isn’t something you’re looking for. You’re a bit younger than me and I know sometimes people want to live fully and then settle down but, I am old.” He joked. “I’ve been wanting a wife and a child desperately. Ultimately it would be up to you whenever a child would come but... I want to make sure we are on similar pages here.”

Y/N was, of course, a bit spooked when he had so casually brought up how he wants to be married and have kids within the next 5 years. She had expected it, knew it was coming. She thought about it before they even met each other again, but hearing it so straight up like that was a bit terrifying. He could surely see it in her eyes.

“It’s not that... it’s not that it’s not something I’m looking for, I am. It’s just very intimidating.” Y/N explained, taking another sip of her coffee. She hoped that he could understand that. It was a lot to think about being married with kids within the next five years, but she would like that. “And it’s not that it isn’t realistic, of course, you wouldn’t be wasting my time as I wouldn’t be wasting yours... I was afraid of it at first but then I thought about it and well, I’ve never been the type to want to live ‘fully’... I review candles and home goods for a living, I think I’m a bit past living that party life.” Y/N joked.

“It’s alright. I’ve been told that I’m a bit intimidating before because I know what I want.” He smiled sheepishly. “But it is a waste if I'm not upfront with you, in my opinion. You deserve the respect of my honesty.” Harry lived in a world with businessmen being fake and he wasn’t one of them. He was straight up and it intimidated people because he would often say how he felt and if he felt someone was being a liar, he would say so openly. He opened deals with what he wanted. Full stop. But he found that's how he ended up being so successful. Even if it scared them, they appreciated the honesty. “I just needed to tell you first, before we hopefully dig into the fleshier bits. I’m interested in you, Y/N. If I hadn’t made that clear before.” He took her hand in his on the table and squeezed it. It was so small compared to his. “All I ask for is honesty in feelings. If you feel as though I’m asking too much or making you genuinely uncomfortable, please let me know.”

His hand taking hers surprised her but she relaxed, trying to calm herself and realize that this was a good thing. This was something she had wanted for so long! She had been thinking about him for a year nearly, why was she so damn scared? Y/N understood his sense of urgency, she just wasn’t used to men being so direct. That’s what she wanted wasn’t it? Why was she scared? Maybe it was a fear of commitment? She had done things on her own for so long, it was hard to think about giving in to a man sometimes.

“You’re not doing any of those things, I promise,” Y/N told him and rubbed her thumb over his hand. “I understand where you’re coming from and it isn’t so much you as it is me, a classic line, I know.” She shook her head and sighed. “I do like you Harry, but I am not one to rush. So I’m sorry if I seem a bit stiff, I don’t do well with being vulnerable.”

“Hey... that’s okay. There isn’t a rush. I just want there to be no lies. No hidden agendas.” He could understand why she was confused at his blunt nature. “A lot of men like to play games. I’ve found that those aren’t fun unless they’re in the bedroom. Being upfront is what has worked for me.” He shrugged simply. Like he didn’t just say something about the bedroom. He hadn’t had sex in like, 2 years. He used to have someone he hooked up with but that wasn’t happening anymore after she had gotten a bit too attached and Harry couldn’t see past sex with her. It wasn’t what he wanted. He was clear in the beginning. But Y/N, she was someone he could see being close to out of the bedroom and inside. He had his curiosities but wouldn’t ask them yet. To be polite. “Why do you suffer with vulnerability, if I may ask?”

Y/N wasn’t expecting him to be so upfront. No one really asked her these types of questions, especially men who were interested in her. It was a positive sign, a green flag as opposed to the many red ones she had seen in her past ventures of finding love.

“I haven’t exactly had the best experiences in the past with relationships, built up a skin of sorts. I just... need a bit to warm up is all.” It really had to do with trust at the end of the day. It was strange to have a man who was so open, she knew it wasn’t his fault that she had all these past patriarchal beliefs. It felt like he was too good to be true, she needed to get to know him better to know if he was being serious. She wanted to believe him and she would, that wouldn’t change the fact that she was a bit weary though.

“That’s alright. We can work on that.” Harry smiled. “I think there’s a reason that I’ve been thinking about you for a whole year, Y/N. There has to be.” He informed her of his thoughts. “You’re lovely. I think we could be a very beautiful couple in time. But I would like to date you. Take you out a few times, if that’s alright with you?” He knew that she was going to take a bit of work to get to trust him, but he figured it would be worth it all in the end if they ended up together. “What does your schedule look like?” He questioned. He wanted to get a feel on when they could have dates. He would plan very fun ones. Besides a coffee every so often but their first date would be fun. They could do something maybe a bit childish and let her guard go down so he could see more of how she truly is.

“Of course... um..” Y/N pulled away from his hand and went to get her phone out to open up her calendar app. It definitely was a little nerve wracking but Y/N knew she couldn’t back down. She was sitting here on this date just fine! He didn’t give her a weird vibe. He was just excited, as was she. In different ways, but excited nonetheless. “I’m available almost always because of my job, I sort of plan to do my work around my activities for the week so... if you would let me know in advance I could work something out most times.” Perks of being an influencer. Y/N made good money, took care of herself well. Hopefully, Harry could get her to come out of her shell a bit, and maybe she’d help mellow him out in a good way.

“Would you be open to going out tomorrow?” He questioned. “I work during the day most days but, I have the ability to take off if you’d rather do something during the day.” He was the boss and could do what he wanted, basically. If Y/N preferred to go out during the day then he would. But he could reserve a lane at the bowling alley he was thinking of bringing her to for tomorrow night. It was a Saturday night so it would be busy but he had a feeling it could get her to relax a little bit. He was hoping she would agree.

“Tomorrow?” Y/N asked and looked down at her schedule, “Um, yeah, tomorrow sounds good.” She said with a nod. She was excited and a little nervous. Y/N knew she should at least tell someone she was going on a date, for safety reasons, but maybe she’d just briefly mention it. She didn’t want to jinx anything. “Here..” Y/N spoke, handing him her phone so he could put in his name and number. “Text yourself so you get my number.” She smiled, deciding that finally after a year, it was appropriate that they finally got each other’s numbers.

----

Even though Harry had made the date sound lowkey, she still wanted to be properly prepared just in case things got... steamy. Y/N made sure her entire apartment was spotless and she had taken one of those long showers, she even made sure her sheets were fresh. What? It had been a while and he was hot… they’d had a whole year of anticipation, it could happen!

Harry texted Y/N for her address, wanting to pick her up. It was proper. Even though they truly weren’t that far apart, he wanted to be a gentleman. There weren’t many of them in this day and age and Harry was looking forward to showing Y/N that he could be one for her. He wore a simple outfit. A patterned button-up and leather jacket along with jeans. People would never expect he was a CEO but he liked to play with fashion sometimes. It was a fun pastime. Especially when brands were eager to send rich people their clothing apparently. He pulled outside of her house in the Range Rover today. It was a pretty basic car and he knew it wouldn’t be too flashy. He also brought extra socks just in case she didn’t, bowling barefoot was a no go. This bowling alley was 50’s themed, a drive out, about 25 minutes. He hoped she would be okay with that. He got out of the car with the flowers in hand. Daisies. He had chosen daisies for her. Roses would scare her a little, he thought, so this was a fun and memorable gesture.

Y/N was feeling super giddy as she buzzed Harry in, making sure all the final touches were complete. He wasn’t going to be in her place for long but, she wanted to be sure that everything was perfect. It was a bit of pressure she felt with him being that much older. Realistically she knew it was nothing to worry about, that he wasn’t really that old, but she was an only child, she struggled with that concept. Hearing the knock on the door she smiled, walking over and gasping a bit when she saw the flowers.

“Hi— are these?” She looked up at him and then back at the flowers as if she was unsure. Who else would they be for? “That’s so sweet.” Y/N cooed and waved him inside. She gave him a hug, heat rising to her cheeks at the kiss he pressed to it. “Let me put these in a vase and we can get going. I’ll be quick! Make yourself a home.”

“Hi love, ‘Course.” He has done well with the flowers. Harry felt like a lot of men her age didn’t bother with flowers or little gifts but it was something he wanted to do with his woman. “Your place is lovely.” It was. It was roomy and decorated beautifully. Clean but still looked lived in. That was something he couldn’t wait to acquire. He wanted this type of home. His home looked so sterile that even he felt uneasy sitting in the living room. She looked beautiful too. In her little outfit that was simple and yet; so classy on her. “You look beautiful as well.” He smiled when she approached him. “I love the look. I hope you’re okay with a different type of first date.” He smiled. Bowling and a pub after weren’t traditional.

“Yeah? I’m glad you like it.” She worked really hard on decorating it after all. Y/N had found a pretty little vase for the flowers, making sure the water wasn’t too cold or hot before she set them on her kitchen counter where she’d see them the most often. “Thank you.” She hummed, “but no, I don’t mind. Anything works for me.” Y/N has been on so many shitty dates that at this point she was willing to take anything. Anything could top the time she went out to a steakhouse with a guy who ended up vomiting on her. Harry was already proving to be better than the others, but she hoped she wasn’t speaking too soon. She took his hand after locking the door behind her, following him on their way down to his car. “How was your day?” Y/N did want to know. These would be questions she’d ask on a daily basis. He relaxed slightly when she placed a hand on him. For some reason, her touch made him feel at ease. She was so easily able to make him react by touches and he wondered why that was.

“Was alright. Worked a lot. I was excited to see you, to be honest.” He admitted, squeezing her hand as they left the door. He had been so distracted, checking his phone every hour or so. It was odd for him. He wasn’t ever normally like this. She appealed to him so much. He opened the car door for her, holding her hand as she climbed in. Making sure she was settled, he closed the door and went to his side. God, he was excited. Not too nervous because he felt like they had been placed together for a reason. “The place is around 25 minutes away if you’d like to send a friend the location you can.” He was understanding that they could do that on the phone. He had never done it but he knew his niece did.

“What are you planning on kidnapping me?” She teased, but knew she was going to do it anyway. Not that she thought anything would go wrong, but just so her friends knew she was safe and sound for their own peace of mind.

“How was your day?” He questioned. Y/N was fun to listen to. Genuinely, he loved hearing what she had to say. Her voice was soothing and warm and she was good at keeping conversations going. That’s what made him relax further. It was almost time to arrive at their destination and he felt excitement in his stomach. He hoped she would appreciate the element of surprise. He knew it would be eating at him but she was easier on the questions and seemed to trust him on where they were going.

“My day? It was pretty average. Took some photos, tried out a new recipe for some raspberry swirl brownies. I have a bunch leftover, should have given you some to try.” Y/N pouted, “Maybe later though. When you drop me off.” She was already inviting him back? Maybe. Who knows, she assumed things would go well. Harry was extremely attractive, there was no denying it. If he kept treating her the way he was and if she had a few drinks in her she’d surely suggest more. Y/N wasn’t exactly the boldest unless she had some drinks in her, but even then she was pretty tame. Sexy wasn’t really her speciality, felt like she was pretty mellow and average. “Bowling?” Y/N asked with a smile, “did not take you for the bowling type.” She couldn’t believe this was where he was taking her. “Can’t wait to whoop your ass.” She giggled as she hopped out of the car, going to meet him around the front. Y/N took his hand and let him lead the two inside. This was great already. He was relieved when he saw the spring in her step. She was excited! He had done something right in guessing she would be a fan of this. Next date, he had something in mind already.

“Hi... reservation for Harry.” He smiled at the bored teenage clerk. He obviously wasn’t happy about working a Saturday and he could understand that. When asked his shoe size, Harry gave it to him before turning to his date. “What’s the shoe size for you, sweetheart?” He asked, letting go of her hand so he could grab the shoes and hand his card over. He loved that she was excited, leaning into him.

She’d changed into her shoes quite easily, slipping off her leather jacket and placing it to the side before pulling her hair up. “It’s game time.” Y/N teased, noticing how there was a little bottle of wine and snacks there as well. This was really cute and thoughtful. “I haven’t been bowling in ages, but I’m very competitive.” She warned him, “feel like we should place a little bet as well... make things more exciting.” Y/N knew it would be something silly and doable.

“Oh?” He raised a brow as he placed his jacket down on the chairs. He was curious to see what wager she would want to play with but he wouldn’t mind at all. Seeing as Y/N was an interesting little thing in general, he was hopeful to see what she would do. “What are you thinking of betting on? I am both concerned and curious, by the look on your face.” He had been planning on letting her win but it deepened now on the terms of the winning and losing bets. “I am quite good at bowling, little miss. So choose wisely.” He walked over to the little machine they could put their names into that kept score. “Lay it on me then.”

“If you win, you get to kiss me at the end of the game.... and if I win, then you get to kiss me at the end of the night.” Y/N felt like that was a perfect little wager. Regardless she was going to kiss him, but it was all a matter of when. She didn’t mind either way, but it would add some tension and of course she wanted to see just how badly he wanted to kiss her. Harry typed in their names setting his as simply H and hers as bunny. “Cute.” She giggled, looking at the different sizes of bowling balls they had and checking which best fit her fingers and brought two of them over to the machine. She went first, having had a lucky shot. She knocked nearly all the pins right away, her second shot managing to clear the whole set.

“Look at you!” He laughed, clapping at her little victory dance. She was good. Either way he was guaranteed a kiss so he was very happy-- however, was eager for it. He watched her skip back with a little tongue poking out to tease him. “Alright, alright. Champion bowler over here.” He grinned, putting the ball into his hands as it was his turn. Of course, he cleared all the pins the first try. For some reason, he was very good at bowling. Not at basketball or baseball. He was good at soccer and football but it varies. Harry laughed at her pout, moving about so she could go ahead and play her next round. She hadn’t asked where they were going after the bowling was done but he was excited. The whole night was going to be fun. Even now, he had a feeling it was going to be one of the best he’s had in a long time.

“Don’t get too cocky.” Y/N narrowed her eyes a little bit, getting up to go for her turn. This time she was determined to get a strike, focusing. She took a deep breath, doing a little meditation before winding up and letting it go. And she did it! Y/N turned around with a little giggle, flipping her hair over her shoulder even though it was pulled up. She had walked over to eat some of the snacks, taking a sip of the wine he had poured out for her. It was delicious. She was excited, this seemed like a very promising date already. Y/N did feel a little giddy every time he did well, but she wanted to try her best to beat him just for optimum teasing. Y/N had no idea there was a second part of the date, so she thought the end of the night would likely come a lot sooner. They were playing three rounds though, so surely they’d know who won by the end of it.

The thing is, he would have let her win. He really would have, but he wanted a kiss. Her teasing and poking her tongue out at him, their banter back and forth, it made him happy and he wanted to taste her. Her mouth was gorgeous. Lips plump and pretty, glossy. He wanted to kiss. It had been so long since he had a proper kiss, and he punched the air in victory once the final score showed he had won by 15 points. Y/N has scowled playfully, but he could see the blush on her cheeks. She was irritated about being kissed, and he loved that.

“Let’s go to the car.” He pulled his belongings back in his hold, their bowling shoes deposited back on the front bench as they walked towards the car. “I woooon.” He grinned, popping his things in the back seat and tucking the phone back into his pocket, not unlocking the front doors yet. He came in front of her, hooking a hand on her waist, the other on her jaw.

“Gonna let me have my prize?”

Y/N felt her heart rate pick up instantly, eyes wide as they scanned his own. She nodded her head with a small hum of agreement, leaning into his hand while she waited for his lips to lock on hers. Her whole body felt like it was on fire, desperate for him to finally just lean in and kiss her. This kiss was a whole year in the making, she knew there was no way it couldn’t be good.

“Good.” He didn’t wait, leaning in and taking what he wanted. It’s how he had been his whole life and he had no regrets, pressing his lips to hers. Immediately he knew he had made the right decision. His body was warm with delight, kissing her gently but having a firm grip on her. He didn’t know how far was too far but he knew she would hint at it. When she melted into his grip, his kiss became a bit deeper and pushed her farther up against the car door. Licking at her lower lip in an attempt of getting her to open a bit, he was pleased to hear a hum of approval come from her throat. A full kiss, Y/N was rewarding him with. Tasting sweet, he never wanted to stop. His body was electric at her touch, Feeling her lean into him and her tongue slick against his, he loved kissing her. It would be difficult now to go to sleep without replaying this.

It was definitely the best kiss she’d ever had. It was passionate and hot and exactly what she had needed after feeling so damn hopeless for so long. Butterflies erupted in her stomach, even her cunt was fluttering a bit with the way his tongue was moving against hers. Y/N had completely melted for him. Her hand had moved up to wrap around his wrist, her other moving to the back of his neck to keep him there. She really didn’t want him to move. It felt like the world had stopped moving and she was no longer thinking about their age gap or what was going to happen between them. All she was thinking about was how good he made her feel.

“Gotta stop, bunny. I’ll get too worked up and.. I’d like to be decent when we get to our next place.” He murmured. Her arms were still around his neck and he liked that, but she blinked at him in confusion. “You didn’t seriously think I was going to leave you hungry, Bunny? No. You’re getting food. There’s a nice pub I go to back in our area.” He chuckled. His thumb rubbed tenderly over her jawline, pecking her swollen lips. “Stole that one. But you can have some more after we get you fed. They’ve got a lovely chocolate lava cake as well.” He didn’t want to pull away but he was hopeful that this night wouldn’t end any time soon.

----------------------------------------------------

[part 2]

A/N: thank you so much for reading! we’re really excited about all the content we have lined up. We’ll be posting regularly so make sure to check out our masterlist and send us request for what you want to read next :) - n + d

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mm2305 · 3 years

Note

Hi Mil!!

I thought those Meet Cute asks were so much fun!! I am glad you did too!! If you have time I would like to request #35 for Ethan and Olivia.

Thank you!!

-Kate

Please drive!

Pairing : Ethan Ramsey x f!mc (Olivia Valentine) ¦¦ Words/Rating : 1.4k / T ¦¦ Warnings : mention of aggressive dogs ¦¦ Setting : Alternate Universe ¦¦

Prompt : They jump into your car breathless and tell you to keep driving

A/N : Hello!! I'm sorry this took so long but it's here now and I really hope you like this Kate! I certainly had lots of fun with this. Request from the meet cute prompt list (requests still open). Happy reading!

Disclaimer : all characters belong to the rightful owners. Also the Thomas Mendez headcanon here is by @jamespotterthefirst

Masterlist

-/-

It was a warm, sunny afternoon, the sun high upon the sky, the air unusually filled with humidity. A dreadful combination, for sure. The street was mostly empty, the sight of another soul, rare during this time that the heat was at its fullest. Most people would be sensible enough to not go out at 103°F, but as much as he needed to be one of those people, Ethan was on borrowed time that day.

Being an intern at a hospital was probably the hardest - and let's be honest, shittiest- situation you could be in, right? The answer is a big fat no. At least that's what Ethan Ramsey, a doctor who at just his second year as an attending was at the top of his game and highly successful, would say. Why? Because someone has to deal with the interns and that brave soul has to deal with a lot. He speaks from experience.

Hence why this was the only moment he could slip in his schedule to take a break and get some decent coffee. His best friend Tobias, had suggested he go to the new place in the suburbs to get his caffeine fix. Of course, Ethan didn't believe him at first. A coffee shop in the suburbs? Sounds like one of Tobias' usual pranks. Still, his curiosity won and he drove all the way to the suburbs in search of the infamous coffee shop.

He would die before he admitted that Tobias was right, but that was some pretty good coffee. Content and somewhat more ready to go back, he began walking to his car. He could hear some barking in the distance, but that was to be expected. All those rich people around here sure would keep a dog or two. "Well maybe I should adopt the pup Thomas stole. I could use the company of someone not constantly talking" , he thought to himself as he unlocked the car.

Ethan quickly got in and immediately turned on the air conditioning. He sinked into his leather seat and closed his eyes for a minute, finding some relief from the unbearable heat. Suddenly he heard the door of the car open and close along with some very loud barking and he instinctively jumped in his seat, turning to look at the person who jumped in his car.

He didn't even get to utter a word before the woman turned to look at him with pleading eyes.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry for barging in but please please drive ! I'll explain everything I promise!"

Not even thinking about it, he started driving, while keeping an eye on the woman next to him, who was breathing heavily and looking out of the mirrors. It was then that he saw six big dogs running after his car and all that barking he had heard started making sense.

The dogs stopped following them after a few more minutes, their endurance making them seem understandably terrifying. Only then did she relax and take a deep breath.

"Thank you so much for this. I'm so sorry for jumping into your car.", she thanked him with a small smile.

"Uh… it's no problem. Glad I could help."

"I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Olivia Valentine, nice to meet you.", Olivia extended her hand towards him in a handshake.

Turning his eyes on her he briefly shook her hand. "Ethan Ramsey, it's…certainly interesting to meet you"

She laughed slightly at that, shaking her head and looking out of the window.

Ethan couldn't help but really notice how attractive she was. Her hair was gold blonde and tied back into a high ponytail, shaped in loose curls. Her eyes were big and green and her skin was spotless. Olivia wasn't wearing much makeup but what really stood out was her plump, bright red lips, perfectly contrasting with her fair skin. She was dressed in a simple, professional, dark blue , form-fitting dress with black high heels that accentuated her long legs. She was wearing a silver, elegant wrist watch and in her lap rested a black briefcase.

"Would it be okay if I asked what just happened to you, Miss Valentine?", the urge to solve mysteries whether it was regarding medicine or this beautiful woman, propelled him towards asking her this question. Besides she just came out of nowhere, I have a right I ask her. Right?

"Please call me Olivia."

"Only if you call me Ethan"

She grinned and nodded. "Deal"

"So, Ethan , I am a real estate agent. I had an appointment with a client to show him a villa that was for sale but I had been waiting outside the house for thirty minutes and he hadn't shown up. And of course, he didn't even call to let me know that he wouldn't come, instead of letting me roast in the sun. Anyways, I decided to leave and I walked a couple of blocks down the street in hopes of getting a cab. You can guess how well that went in this time and area, so I called a colleague to come pick me up. I was waiting for her to come, when two of these huge ass dogs escaped their homes, thinking I was an intruder just because I passed by and began coming closer, teeth bared and all. Since I am so lucky today, somehow more dogs gathered so I panicked and ran. They started chasing me… and then Olivia met Ethan", she finished her story with a dry chuckle.

Ethan was left speechless. His surprise must have been written all across his face because next thing he knew she was bursting into laughter.

"I'm-I'm sorry… it's just--that you should see your face", she said in between laughing.

"I mean. Wow. And all because of that jerk of a client."

"Definitely a jerk and not only because of that. He's a plastic surgeon and he's all about how successful he is or some shit. "I'm Dr. Thorne and I'm one of the leading plastic surgeons in Massachusetts." As if I give a damn. ", she rolled her eyes hard.

"Dr. Thorne you said? Ugh he's one of the worst of his kind"

"You know him?!"

"Yeah unfortunately. He works in Edenbrook, as do I. I'm a doctor."

"Ohh interesting! Let me guess. Internal medicine?"

"Actually… yes. How did you guess?", he turned to give her a surprised look.

"You previously said of his kind. I know enough about doctors that one working in internal medicine isn't particularly…fond of surgeons. Am I right?", she asked giddily.

Ethan chucked at that. "Yes, you are. Mostly at least"

"Nailed it."

Valentine. Where had he heard that name though…?

"You work in the big firm downtown don't you?" , he stated rather than asked after a moment of silence.

"I was wondering when you would figure it out Dr. Ramsey.", Olivia teased him, smirking.

"I am a diagnostician Ms. Valentine. I notice things. And your firm is difficult to miss"

"Technically not mine. My father owns the business."

"So it's safe to assume, your mother is the doctor?"

"Bravo, Doctor. Yes indeed. She works at Mass Kenmore."

"I see… So. Want me to give you a lift? We're already in the car and your work is on my way.", he raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Sure! Thanks Ethan", she replied, grinning widely.

They spent the rest of the way comfortably talking to each other, both genuinely enjoying each other's company. For someone who was so talkative and gregarious, Ethan found himself interested in anything Olivia had to say. She was smart and confident, but in the most charming way possible. At last they reached the firm and Ethan pulled over.

Both turned to look at each other and started talking simultaneously

"Olivia--"

"I --"

"Ladies first.", he motioned for her to say what she wanted.

"Right. Thank you once again Ethan, both for the save and the ride. It was really nice to meet you.", her hand reached and squeezed his arm.

"You're very welcome, Olivia. I uh… wanted to ask…only if you want to of course… can I have your number?". He was quite visibly stuttering, but he tried to hide it behind a cough.

Olivia looked him in the eyes, clearly seeing through him and smiled. "Yeah, absolutely. Can I have yours too?"

He smiled back at her. "Yes of course"

They exchanged cards and after saying goodbye, Olivia got out of the car and walked back into the office. Just as she sat down at her desk she received a text message.

Ethan : Meet me this Saturday at 8, in "Gaston's Bistro"?

Olivia : I'll be there :)

Ethan : Perfect :D

She put her phone away and got down to work, smiling all the way, already excited for her date this weekend.

-/-

A/N : Of you made it till here, then thank you for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated :)

Taglist :

Perma (all OH edits and fics) : @romewritingshop @codykosuckmytoe @sophxwithers @actuallybored @potionsprefect @ethansramsey @crystalwillow @gryffindordaughterofathena @kiara-36 @mrsethanfreakingramsey @writer-ish @panda9584 @genevievemd @jamespotterthefirst @queencarb @shanzay44 @nikki-2406 @starryeyedrookie @coffeeheartaddict @schnitzelbutterfingers @mysticaurathings @starrystarrytrouble @lsvdw-blog @izzyourresidentlawyer @silma-words @stygianflood @headoverheelsforramsey @maurine07 @natureblooms24 @a-crepusculo @barbean @choicesaddict5

Fics only : @alina-yol-ramsey

+ @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Please let me know if you want to be moved to another category or totally removed. No hard feelings promise.

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hypo-critic-al · 3 years

Text

I got tagged by @the-gay-prometheus so here I am! Thanks for tagging, I am finally doing a tag for this once, I always forget to do them :D

So let’s begin:

1. Why did you choose your url?

Because I’m a hypocrite myself! I originally wanted to name myself a hypo.critical not only for my obvious characteristic but also because prefix ‘‘hypo’’ usually means low, and critical as a short for critical thinking so it means I’m not only a hypocrite but I also lack critical thinking which got me into troubles multiple times, heh.

I also considered to change it to something like ‘‘frankenstein’s sparrow’’ a first month I arrived here because I like the sparrow bird symbolicity in the Frankenstein musical but then I let it be :p

2. Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

None!

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

Since end of a January 2021. And I still consider myself a newbie :3

4. Do you have a queue tag?

I never queued up a post! I am scared to let this site to post my post when I don’t expect it, I find something nice in posting stuff myself, it just feels more personal for me I think.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Ooh, a long story. I’ve been a fan of Frankenstein musical and J&H musical and patiently waited on YouTube for any fandom activity, like animatics, videos and comments. After a while I noticed that many of those channels have their own Tumblr page. I think that @dragonheadskilax’es blog was the first one I found out about and I remember I went to Tumblr each day just to see if he posted something! I discovered other J&H musical blogs and also infamous brightgoat’s blog and after two months of visiting those blogs everyday without an account I decided to make one just to follow those people. So I did :)

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I used to like pigeons and sparrows and I also wanted something small in my pfp to symbolize my faith and so I found this pic on Pinterest and that’s it! I had a very simmilar pic on my YouTube account and on my Wattpad account (now inactive!) so I took that picture, changed the colours a bit and ta-dah!

7. Why did you choose your header?

It’s a quote from the script of Frankenstein musical and it’s not only funny seeing Victor not yelling but whispering the ‘’It’s alive!’’ quote. Plus, I can’t imagine Hunter Foster delivering this line xD

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

So apparently it’s a ‘’Rainy days in ingolstadt’’ pencil comic I did not very long ago. Which I’m delighted for but also: how can have a lazy clervalstein comic I did in like 20 minutes have most notes than those posts of talented and more skilled arists? Seriously, 107 notes is too much considered how beautifully can other people draw, much better than me! But thank you nevertheless, I’m glad you enjoy my art :3

9. How many mutuals do you have?

Lets see... 36! That’s plenty! :0

10. How many followers do you have?

114! That’s a lot, woah- THANK YOU! Big thanks for anyone willing to follow me :’D.

The first one follower I can see was @literary-ly! And @the-gay-sailor followed soon after! So you are my oldest followers which I’m thankful for :)

11. How many people do you follow?

89! And I hope it will be more! Show me your Frankenstein and gothic lit content!! :D

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Well.. depends on a definition of what a shitpost is.

Anyway, Victor Frankenstein has lost his v-card on top of his mother’s grave-

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

Too much for my own good.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

No! I did not and I hope I won’t have to get into an argument ever!

15. How do you feel about 'you need to reblog this’ posts?

Depends on what is their purpose and message.

16. Do you like tag games?

I do! I always say I’ll do this and that tag but then I’m too lazy to actualy do it, heh.

17. Do you like ask games?

Sure! Why not :>

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

Hmm... I am a mutual with some of more famous blogs but I never interacted with them beyond a comment or two so I’ll say that: @mist-the-mad-linguist, @casual-owl, @corvidayyy and @silken-sails, and @the-gay-sailor, and @toringo , and uhh... everyone is famous here, really! And a plenty of Gravely Celebrators too!

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

No! I don’t hehe :)*

20. Tags:

Hm, everyone that comes into my mind has been tagged already besides my most beloved friend so I’ll say @the-gay-sailor! And @toringo! And everyone who sees this post and wants to do this! Only if you want :3

Thanks again for tagging me! It was fun :D

#frankenstein #tag #tagged #thanks for tagging me!#i appreciate it #i did not know how big impact i seem to have on this side of fandom #i love you all my friends!#thank you so much #* mayhaps... uh #sure i don't :]#yeah #i totally dont have one #hehe xD

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nonpuppet-sanderssides-ep · 3 years

Text

Learning New Things about Ourselves Transcript

This transcript was done by @rosesisupposes @everphantom @crushingonanartist @fandomsofrandom (who’s urls may or may not have changed at some point, and others, who’s urls had been lost to time and my disorganization.)

This transcript was created for the purpose of creating a comic-version of the video for those who were uncomfortable with the puppetry. This project has been effectively abandoned, and the blog shall be treated as an archive for the work that had been completed. (as explained in this post)

The transcript had been partly split up to create places for artists to draw individual sections, which has remained in tact in this transcript. If people want to utilize this transcript for creating a comic or drawing, I entirely welcome it! As long as all the characters follow a human design, tag this blog and I’ll reblog it.

14:58 Thomas: Oh, Logan! You’re up!

14:59 Logan: If by up you mean I am not down...to do this, you are correct.

15:04 Roman: Oh big surprise coming from no fun-son honey dew-dew. Last second addition there, made it, stuck the landing.

15:10 Patton: Aw, Logan come on! We need you at the table if we’re gonna be learning!

15:14 Logan: Please. It has become quite clear that me cosigning all of your ridiculous antics is just a formality. When all of you decided on using puppets to address a serious issue, logic was already figuratively thrown out the window.

15:25 Roman: *dramatic sigh* Again, you don’t have to use the word figuratively. We know you that you weren’t literally thrown out of a window.

15:31 Logan: How? Have you been watching me constantly?

15:33 Patton: Don’t assume Roman! You know what happens when you assume. You make an as out of su and me.

15:39 Logan: *exasperated sigh* *mumbled* Thank you Patton. *back to normal volume* I just don’t want to concern anybody by suggesting I was throw through a window. I wanted to communicate five by five that I’m five by five.

15:47 Thomas: It’s okay Roman, his intentions are there. I mean, who does going above and beyond with clarity hurt?

15:54 Roman: Going above and beyond? *laugh* More like going overboard. It’s stupid.

15:58 *Logan inhales, glares at Roman as he crumples up a paper and throws it at Roman with a yell*

16:01 Roman: Ow! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh!

16:02 Patton: Meep meep!**

16:03 Roman: You hit me in the eye. You hit me in the eye, you freaking bookgerm!

16:07 Virgil: Geez, L, that was pretty rough.

16:09 Logan: Eh- I’m sorry. I-I don’t know what that was. *pause* Maybe I should go.

16:13 Patton: NO! We are not about to leave it there, mister! We can’t continue this convo, if you’re gone-zo

16:21 Thomas: THAT’S RIGHT!

16:21 Thomas: Look, Logan, you can be like one of those Sesame Street human friends!

16:27 Logan: Like Maria?

16:28 Thomas: Like Maria!

16:29 Logan: Okay... I mean, a more accurate comparison would be that you’re our Big Bird, and we’re all your… Snuffleupagus**.

16:36 Thomas: Pre-1985, before they canonically confirmed Snuffleupagus wasn’t imaginary.

16:40 Logan: Of course. *softly* Clarity

16:41 Roman: Hmph-

16:42 Logan: Okay, so- you’re puppets. Care to explain to me how this is going to help?

16:47 Patton: Well, we could start by having an open and honest conversation about our feelings?

16:54 Thomas: *takes a deep breath*

16:55 Roman: Hmmm…

16:56 Virgil: *groans softly*

16:57 Thomas: I don’t think so.

16:57 Roman: Yeah, I don’t like that.

16:58 Virgil: I’d rather go live in a garbage can.

16:59 Patton: No! Really, this is important, guys! Thomas, you have to face your feelings head-on! Tell me… *singing* do you ever feel like a paper bag?

17:10 Thomas: Wha- I thought we were talking about a loop!

17:13 Patton: Well, how do you suppose we get out of the loop, mister Looper?

17:16 Thomas: Well, I guess I don’t know… but I mean... like- what do I have to feel bad about? I mean, really. Like- yeah, I feel iffy with my videos. So what?

17:27 *Roman sighs as Thomas continues*

17:27 Thomas: Big deal. The ‘problems’ I have wouldn’t even exist without all of the incredible privileges I’ve received. I should feel lucky. I asked for this. So I- I don’t feel like I’ve got a right to feel this way, but-

17:42 Patton: Thomas, that’s ridiculous! Now should you count your blessings? Absolutely! Lots of people are way worse off!

17:49 Thomas: … oh

17:50 Patton: Yeah, I should not have said that as cheery as I did. --break-- *louder* But… you shouldn’t feel guilty for having feelings! Sure, sometimes your feelings may not make sense, but it’s not your feelings job to make sense! You just… experience them. And you have to do your best to deal with them.

18:07 Thomas: Well that… makes sense.

18:11 Patton: Not talking about them... is not dealing with them.

18:14 Thomas: Yeah, but I don’t even know where to begin talking about my feelings, because I don’t… understand them right now.

18:19 Virgil: Maybe you won’t have to understand your feelings if you fix the problem.

18:24 Patton: Well…

18:25 Virgil: Logan’s gotta cool it with the deadlines.

18:26 Logan: What?

18:27 Roman: *blows a kiss at Virgil* Thank you!

18:28 Virgil: Too much pressure.

18:29 Logan: Oh, I’m sorry. Except I’m not! Are the deadlines really the cause of that pressure, or is it… I don’t know… *quickly* Roman’s inability to perform adequately?

18:35 Roman: *offended gasp* No!

18:37 Virgil: Well- it’s a little of that.

18:38 Roman: *weird shocked noise[?]* What??

18:40 Logan: Exactly, boom.

18:40 Virgil: Look dude, doesn’t it make sense to think you have something to do with this? The issue has to do with creating content and his pride? That’s a lot of you.

18:48 Roman: Well pardon me, Vomit-y Central, but when were either of you the experts on creative content? Who are you to criticize my work??

18:58 Virgil: Oh my gosh, what is up your butt?

19:00 Roman: An arm!

19:00-19:34

THOMAS: Okay, I think it’s clear that pointing fingers is getting us nowhere. So let’s avoid that

PATTON: [Pointing at Thomas] Agreed. Oh, butterfingers!

VIRGIL: [Muttering] That’s not what butterfingers means

THOMAS: Logan, would it be fair to say that with all of this arguing, order is not actually being obtained?

LOGAN: Perhaps we are in a state of disorder because no one is adhering to my instruction

THOMAS: Okay, okay, well, okay, I’m - I’m happy to hear you out, then. What do you think we should do, Logan?

PATTON: Yeah, Logan, help us out, what can you tell us about learning new things about ourselves?

19:34-19:58

LOGAN: Well, it all goes back to the point you made earlier, Patton. Asking the right question: why?

ROMAN: That’s right, today’s video is brought to you by the letter “Y”

LOGAN: No, stop it, stop it, the question “why,” W-H-Y. “Why?” So much of what you feel, Thomas, comes down to whether or not your actions are aligning with your goals.

PATTON: Oh! I think I get it!

LOGAN: What?

PATTON: Yeah!

19:58 - 20:12 [Cut Scene]

[Electric Company Bit: Profiles of Patton and Thomas]

PATTON: Why do you make videos?

THOMAS: Because they’re fun

PATTON: Why did you make it a job?

THOMAS: So I could support myself, and so I could try bigger things

PATTON: Why did your old friend’s question stick with you?

THOMAS: Because…

[End cut scene]

20:12-20:42

THOMAS: Because I always wonder if I’m doing the right thing for a living

LOGAN: Okay, interesting! Elaborate on that. And nobody do any puppet bits

PATTON: Well, that was from The Electric Company

LOGAN: [Waving arms at Patton] Shhhhhh. Thomas?

THOMAS: I don’t know, I guess… As far as I know, we have one life, and I guess I have doubts about… whether or not I’m making the most of mine.

LOGAN: Okay! We’re getting somewhere. Expand upon those doubts

THOMAS: Oh man, um, I… I don’t even know where to go from there

20:42-21:02

LOGAN: I mean if you asked me, I could certainly list off several factors that could be contributing to your doubts.

[Cut to Thomas, then Patton, then Roman all silently looking around as well. No one responds]

LOGAN: If you asked me, I could… gladly share them

THOMAS: [Sigh]

ROMAN: Welp

VIRGIL: [Sigh]

LOGAN: Just lemme know if you want to hear what I have to say

21:02-21:45 epilepsy warning

VIRGIL: Hey Logan, can you list off some of those factors you mentioned?

LOGAN: I’m glad you asked, Virgil. Firstly, there’s no job security, I mean, people fall out of public favor very quickly

VIRGIL: One! One cause of unease, ah ah ah [lightning flash]

LOGAN: You’re balancing a great deal of responsibilities. People have limits; perhaps you can’t continue at this pace indefinitely

VIRGIL: Two! Two nervous thoughts, ah ah ah [lightning flash]

LOGAN: Your work is inessential. Several may claim that they have been [air quotes] “inspired” by one thing you’ve said or another, but who’s to say they couldn’t have found the inspiration they needed elsewhere?

VIRGIL: Three. Three depressing speculations, ah ah ah [lightning flash]

LOGAN: And oh, oh! I can think of another one. No one takes you seriously!

PATTON: [Audible gasp]

VIRGIL: Four. Four uncomfortable characters in this room right now.

THOMAS: Logan, is that really what you think?

LOGAN: Thomas, I have held back my opinions for too long, and that’s obviously not benefiting you. I refuse to withhold my perspective any longer. You need to get a real job.

ROMAN: Hey, yeah! Like being a movie star!

LOGAN: No! A real job.

VIRGIL: Sheesh, you sloppily eat some jam, accidentally make a few puns and now you’re all sensitive about not being taken seriously?

LOGAN: [Interrupting] I’m not a joke! I mean, I can’t be thought of as such. Because there will be times in which I must be heeded and given our current circumstances, I clearly haven’t been. So I’m saying what must be said. I can’t tolerate this foolishness any longer. [To Thomas] You need to change your life around.

VIRGIL: Logan, I appreciate what you bring to the table and all, but the thing you just recommended would be a massive change in Thomas’ life sooo I kinda hate you a little bit right now andddd shut your dirty mouth

LOGAN: Ah, typical

THOMAS: I don’t know, Virge, maybe he’s right. Maybe that’s the cause of all this

VIRGIL: Thomas, don’t start. I have plenty of hate to go around

PATTON: Ohhh very funny, Virgil, you cute little muppet! Thomas, you know he doesn’t mean it. And Logan, that was… helpful! When the chips were down, you brought up some very meaty points, you ol’ crackerjack, but this stuff is more than just silly or cheesy, and I’m sorry I keep bringing up food, it’s just the inside of this bag smells like first grade lunch in the cafeteria and so many memories!

ROMAN: [Snaps] Patton, stay with us

23:17

PATTON: Sorry! Boy, I really milked that bit, wakawaka!

ROMAN: (stares in silence, before taking a deep breath) What I think Patton is trying to say is that Logan’s just proven that he’s the worst, and that he’s been the thorn in your side all along

VIRGIL: Could you even contribute like an ounce of constructive input to our conversation today, Dr. Doo-the-Most?

ROMAN: Okay, why don’t you just go get lost in a dryer

VIRGIL: You know, Roman, it’s just too bad your brain isn’t as big as that chin

ROMAN: Well you smell like FOOT!

THOMAS: Roman-

ROMAN: No, Thomas, I know. That wasn’t helpful. In truth, I do feel bad

THOMAS: You do?

ROMAN: Yes

VIRGIL: Well then maybe you should say you’re sorry

ROMAN: You’re right

VIRGIL: Oh, really?

ROMAN: Logan-

VIRGIL: Okay

ROMAN: -earlier, I made you angry. I do that quite a bit, actually. I provoke you, and you retaliated with violence… like a stupid caveman. But! I am responsible for my actions and my actions alone. So, I’m sorry.

LOGAN: Oh, well. That’s. Very kind.

ROMAN: Okay, well, I gave that a shot. I still feel bad.

PATTON: Well, why not try expressing your feelings in a way that makes sense for you?

24:27

ROMAN: Well, that might work. Let’s see (clears throat, then gestures to his right) Maestro?

[MUSIC STARTS]

[Singing] So you’ve gone and called someone stupid And in response, they damaged your eye But, there is where the conflict must end Lest you both end up blind

LOGAN: [Speaking] Another song? Really?

ROMAN: [Singing] Sometimes, the problems at play Are not all plain to see So, we lash out at our loved ones Disregarding our bond sanctity PATTON: There are several sides to us that may seem abstract at first Until we discover where everything fits And, people can be like a half-missing puzzle set As we find the pieces, things make more and more sense THOMAS: Nice imagery, but I'm not sure I follow.

25:27 - 26:00

PATTON: Well I’ll give you an example.

PATTON: [Singing] I had this problem where I’d often hide my less than awesome feelings so when I would feel like sobbing I’d just smile and crack jokes! I thought that that was coping. Only joking, never showing sadness, hoping it would go away.

LOGAN: [Spoken] Did that work?

PATTON: [Singing] Nope! I still felt bad

ROMAN: [Spoken] Aw pat..

PATTON: [Singing] It’s okay

THOMAS: [Spoken] How’s that?

PATTON: [Singing] Everybody gets sad. Even dads that have people to care for! And therefore- You don’t have to hide your pain. Life without rainy days is incomplete!

PATTON: [Speaking] Or, like not even a thing, you know? Rain goes to plants, plants feed animals, plant-eating animals feed animal-eating animals, and humans feed animals corn and inject them with hormones until they can barely walk anymore

THOMAS: Patton?

PATTON: Yes?

THOMAS: How does all that relate to rain?

PATTON: Oh, right! Rainy days. Forgot what I was talking about. Umm... putting it simply, rain is a necessary piece of the puzzle that is, uh, life.

LOGAN: So true. Are we done singing, or is this just one of those musical interludes?

26:22

VIRGIL: On the subject of storm clouds because, you know, you need storm clouds to... make... rain. I'm just gonna get into it. [Singing] You once knew me as real gloomy This weird spooky broody dude Because I knew you'd listen to me As too scary to ignore I thought that I could take it All the hate could just be shaken But when you lo-- care for someone Not much hurts more than their scorn I also felt bad

ROMAN: [Speaking] Come, now

VIRGIL: [Singing] In a different way

THOMAS: [Speaking] Different how?

VIRGIL: [Singing] By bad I mean, well, mean But I did what I thought that I had to Which is bad, too I don't have to act all tough

THOMAS: Sometimes love is enough

PATTON: Or what we need

27:00 [END]

#non-puppet ep project #learning new things about ourselves #transcript #sanders sides

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livinginsunnyhell · 3 years

Note

Ask game for fanfic writers! ⌨️🖊📓📝

1. What fandoms do you write for?

2. What pairings do you write for?

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

4. Do you write original stories as well?

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

7. What is a ship you will never write for?

8. Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.net, Wattpad, Tumblr, etc. which platform do you prefer?

9. What are your favorite fanfics?

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

12. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

13. What is your planning process?

14. What have others criticized about your fanfic?

15. OCs or no OCs?

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

18. What is your favorite writing prompt?

19. Dead or overused tropes?

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

21. What’s your shortest fanfic?

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

26. First-person-narrative or third-person-narrative?

27. Do you take requests?

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

29. What’s more difficult? Fanfics or original work?

30. What writing software do you use?

31. Do you use beta/sensitivity readers?

32. Past or present tense?

33. Do friends and family know that you write fanfics?

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

35. What is your favorite review?

36. Did you ever delete a work of yours?

37. Did your work ever get plagiarized?

38. Do you partake in any fanfic/writing events? (Big bangs, zines, NaNoWriMo, etc?)

39. Collaborations or working solo?

40. Do you have any rituals before uploading a fic?

41. What is something you don’t like about your writing?

42. Rudest review?

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

44. Does fanart of your fanfic exist?

45. Do fanfics of your fanfic exist?

46. Few long essay reviews or many short reviews?

47. What fanfic of yours is truly underrated?

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

(Don't feel obligated to answer. Thought if you're into these kinda things, that'd be a nice ask. ;))

Oh this is so nice!! Thanks for sending this @annansmith

I chose a few of them to do.

1. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I’m writing for Shameless (Gallavich) but I’ve written for:

Veronica Mars (LoVe), Veep (Amy/Dan), Arrow (Oliver/Felicity), Once Upon A Time (Hook/Emma), The Old Guard (Joe/Nicky), That 70′s show (Hyde/Jackie), Sons of Anarchy (Tara/Jax), Vampire Diaries (Klaroline), Hart of Dixie (Zoe/Wade), Gilmore Girls (Rory/Jess), X-men (Rogue/Pyro), One Tree Hill (Haley/Nathan), and a few others.

2. What pairings do you write for?

Now I write Gallavich.

But I’d say my top ones I love writing for now (my fanfiction writing has spanned about 14 years) are Dan/Amy, Veronica/Logan, Klaus/Caroline, Mickey/Ian.

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

My most popular fic on Ao3 is The Course of True Love (Arrow) and on FF Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic LoVe (Veronica Mars)

4. Do you write original stories as well?

Yes, I do. I’m working on a book, well, two books. But it’s going very slowly. The first is a memoir of my travels from around the world and the second is a vampire urban fantasy one. We’ll see how it goes, but I’d like to finish them by next year and see if I can get them published, but it’s hard so who knows.

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

Well, recently I’ve really been trying to finish everything I write. I have a lot of WIPs from years and years ago and even within the the last year, so this answer is pretty new. Basically, I focus on one fic at a time and write a little every day to stay motivated. Now, I try to update once a week on a certain day. I think comments/reviews and kudos and people being genuinely encouraging helps though. It’s also what’s gotten me considering finishing my older fics.

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic Love (over 165k)

13. What is your planning process?

Now, it’s different. I have a doc of ideas and I wait to see which one I can’t seem to shake. Then I plan out each chapter with a few sentences and I have a list of things I want to focus on in the story. Usually, each story now has a kind of theme to it and a main focus. I sometimes will just want to write a certain situation/scene/focus and the story is born from there. But what really helps is writing down chapter 1, 2, etc. and having a sentence or two for what I want to happen. It doesn’t always go according to plan, but I never get writers block or forget what happened in previous chapters now.

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

Probably a mixture of fandom (or my personal) headcanons. I don’t start with prompts unless it’s a challenge or sentence starters. Usually, I have a scene I already want to write in my head and then I sit down and write it.

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

Yes, I’ve read several books on writing. My undergrad was creative writing too, so I learned a lot there. I also follow writing instagram accounts which are helpful. I take everything I learn with a grain of salt and I see what is best for me. The best advice I heard recently was short sentences and so now I’m experimenting with that.

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

There’s a lot from many different fandoms. I used to be on FF.net as Psyc0gurl0 and now I’m ProstheticLoVe on a03. I like writing on ao3 better cause it’s easier and I love the tagging process. Plus the gallavich fandom on there is unreal. So to think about going back to ff.net to finish my WIPs seems like such a process now.

Currently though, I’m writing an Ian’s POV 5 chapter fic called Chocolate. It’s not out yet, but it’ll focus on Ian from 1x06 to 1x09 or so and how his feelings for Mickey change and evolve. It’s the second part to a series called Chocolate and Cigarettes. Mickey’s POV was Cigarettes.

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

Yes, I listen while writing but I need silence while editing. I have a Love (lol) playlist. It’s basically all the love songs that remind me of couples I ship. So for example, The Acid is in there a lot because their music is great, but also Basic Instinct is so haunting. Overall, I like all music except country, so sometimes I’ll listen to my larger playlists while writing.

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

So this has changed over the years. Initially, I wrote short chapters, then when I got back into fanfiction while writing klaroline they got a lot longer and now it’s just basically where the chapter has a natural ending. So the chapters are between 4 - 10k words depending. I try to get over 4k though. Right now, once I’m done with my current fic, I really want to write something over 100k.

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

A lot...none in Shameless though. Well, I guess my current one, but I haven’t posted that yet. I’d say I probs have about 10 WIPs spanning different fandoms. I know. But my goal for 2021 is to pick two and finish them.

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

Not all of them. Some of them are from years and years ago. But I’d like to finish the ones that I still get reviews on. So there’s a SOAs fic I want to finish cause that fandom is so lovely. I also want to finish a klaroline one cause that was fun to write. And my Amy/Dan ones I’d like to finish. I would like to finish my Veronica Mars ones (I have two) but they need a lot more attention, so when people message me about them I tell them the planned ending.

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

“Fuck, Mickey, I probably shouldn’t have had the third Hot Toddy,” Ian grimaced as the world around him spun.

Mickey laughed at him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Ian wanted to think his future husband just wanted to pull him closer, but he had a feeling it was to steady him.

“Probably should’ve cut you off earlier,” Mickey said tugging Ian closer.

Ian wobbled and plopped down on the back steps of the porch. Mickey followed suit a moment letter and they both looked out toward the backyard where the Gallaghers, Balls, and a few of the Milkovich cousins were alternatively huddling around a fire, drinking, and dancing.

“I blame Lip for making us have this stupid shared bachelor party in the first place,” Ian grumbled.

Mickey kissed him on the forehead as Ian lay his head on his shoulder. “It’s Sandy’s fault too.”

Ian hmmed in response and Mickey knew he was going to fall asleep any moment. He ran his hand up and down Ian’s arm and watched as Debbie bounced over to them.

“Jesus, you aren’t even married yet and you two are like an old married couple. Are you going to come dance or what?” she whined.

Mickey looked down at Ian, whose eyes were already closed, and then back up to Debbie. She was watching them with knowing eyes.

“We’ll dance at the wedding. Go grab Lip, I need his help to get Sleeping Beauty upstairs.”

Debbie turned to go get her eldest brother and Mickey looked back down at Ian. In his sleep, he nuzzled Mickey’s shoulder, breathed deeply, and a gentle smile appeared there.

3 more days and they’d officially be husbands.

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

I was about 10 and my cousin used to write a buffy the vampire slayer zine. There was a link to a site called buffyworld.com or something like that. And I found fanfic that way. There was a link on the site to ff.net and that’s how I stumbled across that. I stayed there for many many years until my second time in the veronica mars fandom around 2014 when I was lead to a03 and then I’ve been there ever since. On and off, my writing has fluctuated through the years based on my personal life.

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

Everywhere! omg. It’s insane. Gallavich I love writing for. There’s so many different facets to them, but truly everywhere I find inspiration. I have a whole doc of gallavich ideas that have stemmed from other fanfics, headcanons from me and other people, rewatching episodes, what’s going to happen in s11, cute moments i’d like to see happen, holidays, and just general life. I saw a pic of WW2 vets who were in a long term relationship and i was like mickey and ian! another idea is born.

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slliest-clownmari · 3 years

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Hello again! For the month of June we decided to don our best Icarus costumes because we flew directly into the sun on this one! Extra long disclaimer this time. If you're interested in the technical side what we did and how it went wrong, or want to see the raw numbers, that'll be at the bottom of this post!

Disclaimer: There were two major errors during collection. The first one resulted in five people's views not being collected for the first half hour of the event. These people were SMajor/Noxcrew, ItsFunneh, Squaishey, ASFJerome, and Mefs, amounting to about 56k views when added back. The second error left a 45 minute gap in the data where nothing is collected. While these are major errors general trends are still visible and neat to look at!

TL;DR: MCCP21 peaked with 627.4k viewers a little more than thirty minutes into the event. 65.4% of those viewers were watching the Pink Parrots, and 87.9% of those were watching Technoblade. The second most watched team was the Lime Llamas at 16.9% of viewership, 77.6% of that coming from Wisp.

For easier viewing of the graphs, check out the Google Slides version! Total Viewership Over Time

The event peaked with 627,421 viewers at 8:33PM which was during Sky Battle. Looking at the trend of the data, this statistic is unlikely to have changed if the missing 45 minutes had been counted, especially seeing how the peak of MCC14 was also easily in the first hour. Data collection began about an hour before the event's official start at 8:00PM and ended an hour after the event's end at 11:08PM.

Viewership by Individual Over Time

A fun game you can play with this graph, sans the labels, is guess which one's Technoblade! So far everyone I've shown the unlabelled graph to has guessed correct.

Three people went live after the official start time of the event at 8:00PM, those being Technoblade, Grian, and AyChristeneGames. Four streamers had gone offline prior to the end of 20vs20 Dodgebolt at 11:08PM. Twenty of the 24 participants had gone offline within 5 minutes of the event end. This is in sharp contrast to MCC14 where it took 15 minutes to have half of the 36 participants to go offline. MCC14 participants were also more likely to start streaming well in advance of the event. (For context, only Twitch data was collected for MCC14.) This is probably a cultural difference between Youtube and Twitch.

Viewership by Team Over Time

The viewership drop off after a team fails to reach Dodgebolt is a lot more severe this time, and you don't really see the two teams who did get to Dodgebolt get a boost either. Best guess is this is because MCCP21 was non-canon so nobody really cared who won the whole thing if their favorites didn't make it. Another observation: Pink Parrots has a much more severe dropoff during the Bird App Poll than everyone else. Unseen here is the viewership increase when Wilbur's fire alarm went off :(

Viewership Breakdown at Peak by Individual

So, not the most diverse viewership. The most watched person at peak in MCC14, Tommyinnit, only had 21.1% of total viewership. Even if you combine that percentage with the runner-up Dream's numbers, you only get 38.4% of viewership going to them. There is not a single team from MCC14 who captured nearly 57.5% of the viewership. The most they could do was 39.9% (Green Guardians). Absolutely insane degree of domination.

Top Five (Unrouned) 1. Technoblade (360.8k) 2. Wisp (82.2k) 3. Grian (45.5k) 4. ItsFunneh (44.9k) 5. Joey Graceffa (23.5k)

Bottom Five 26. Burren (78) 25. SeaPeeKay (333) 24. Spifey (403) 25. AyChristeneGames (498) 26. InTheLittleWood (521)

Wisp's numbers were so hugely different from last time (0.1% to 13.1%) that I actually sought out people who watched him to confirm he really had over 70k viewers. He did. This probably has to do with having fewer big names to compete with and being on a team with Tommy and Tubbo. Plus, he’s more familiar to the Minecraft community than Joey Graceffa, so fans of Tommy and Tubbo would be more likely to watch Wisp to see their faves. This isn't meant to belittle Wisp or to attribute his viewership entirely to Tommy or Tubbo; MCC is an unfair measurement of the usual popularity of a creator.

Viewership Breakdown at Peak by Team vs Survey Data

The predicted viewership graph was generated using data from a poll I ran on Tumblr and a poll run by u/Epic_Ninja_Dude123 on r/MinecraftChampionship.

Difference from predicted counts (Pred. % vs Actu. %) Lime Llamas: +9.1% (7.8% vs 16.9%) Green Guardians: +6.3% (0.9% vs 7.2%) Purple Pandas: -6.3% (6.7% vs 0.4%) Orange Ocelots: -5.1% (5.5% vs 0.4%) Red Rabbits: -4.1% (6.2% vs 2.1%) Blue Bats: -1.9% (2.5% vs 0.6%) Aqua Axolotls: +1.3% (2.5% vs 3.8%) Pink Parrots: +0.9% (64.5% vs 65.4%) Yellow Yaks: +0.5% (0.0% vs 0.5%) Cyan Creepers: -0.3% (3.2% vs 2.9%)

Standard Dev. for MCC14: 10.22 Standard Dev. for MCCP21: 2.89

Thrilled by these statistics!! The MCC14 survey had nearly triple the sample size (862) as this combined survey, but still ended up closer to actual counts. Real life proof of what they tell you in stats classes! A representative sample is the best kind of sample to have. Something I did not consider when using the survey for MCC14 is its source, a blog on Tumblr that talks heavily about Technoblade and Philza, which obviously biased the audience who took it towards the Pink Parrots (Philza, Fundy, Wilbur, JackManifold). Not a surprise we did better this time but really neat to see logic in action! lol

Another interesting thing about the survey: Reddit and Tumblr do vary a little in taste. It's easier to just show you:

What's missing? I chose not to calculate average/median viewership for the creators involved due to the large gap in data. It wouldn't be correct most likely.

So, how did you do this and how did you mess it up?

(I, the writer of this post, mostly do the analysis part of this project, not the programming. Apologies if any programmers are reading this and it doesn't make sense. :[ )

Our initial plan was do do just what we did to collect the MCC14 data but for YouTube instead of Twtich. (For MCC14 we used a Python program to request the viewership data directly from Twitch using their API.) This was much easier said than done. Unlike the Twitch API, which allows you to get stream information very easily just using a streamer's name, YouTube API doesn't have a "front door" way of getting this stuff. So, we went in the "back door."

First thing we had to do was manually collect the user ID for each participant. The next step is where the first error occurred: we needed to get our program to recognize the user ID as a user ID, which was done by writing a rule. This was stuff like how long the IDs were and what symbols were included in the IDs. We failed to include a symbol that was present in five of the participant's user IDs, so the program didn't recognize them as IDs and didn't run them through the part of the program which found the stream ID and collected viewer numbers. This is why that data was missing for SMajor/Noxcrew, ItsFunneh, Squaishey, ASFJerome, and Mefs in the first 30 minutes.

Another big way in which the YouTube API differs from the Twitch API is that YouTube has a quota system. Every action you can take with the API has a certain number of points connected to it, and you're only given so many points to spend a day per application. We thought we were only making one call to get viewer data for every streamer, but instead we were making a separate call for each streamer. That destroyed our quota pretty quick, resulting in the 45 minute gap in data collection. This problem was solved by moving our code into another application which granted us more quota.

This is an important lesson in testing your programs thoroughly before use!

On the bright side, the YouTube API is much more active than the Twitch API, which would update streamer numbers seemingly at random and not all at once. The YouTube API updated numbers roughly every 15 seconds and updated for all streamers, not just a few. That's why our graphs are higher resolution this time!

Here is the raw numbers: Click me!

Let's talk about next time

SO. Obviously this time around was not super ideal, which is partially on us for not testing more. (At least this was not the only scuffed thing about MCCP21. We were just being on brand, if you think about it.) However! Good news! The quota won't be a problem next time as MCC15 won't be Youtube exclusive. We have already fixed the YouTube program we used this time around and have begun to merge the two. We might even be able to collect YouTube subscribers and Twitch followers by next time but we're focusing on making sure we get all the data next time.

Thank you all so much for reading! Again, any and all critique and questions are welcome! :]

#mcc #minecraft championships #mcc pride 2021 #minecraft #technoblade #mcyt #minecraft championship pride 2021 #my stuff

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thebachelordiaries · 4 years

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Clare seeks HIMBO: ‘The Bachelorette’ cast first impressions

The Covid-19 pandemic has been rough for the entire world, but Bachelor Nation faced some dark days too. Going eight months without a single new episode from The Bachelor franchise is something I would really like to not relive.

Fortunately, those dark days are over. Clare’s season has me sucked back in.

The quality of this image is atrocious.

Most of these men—presuming they followed CDC’s social distancing guidelines— haven’t seen a woman in months, are touch deprived, possibly unemployed and contemplating moving back to their hometown while stalking the housing market on Zillow. Everyone’s desperate. That makes for some pretty good TV.

This season features men ranging from ages 26 to 41. We’ve got a boy band manager, a grooming specialist, several men who look like they masturbate in front of full length mirrors and even more who probably want me to join their MLM pyramid scheme.

I’ve never been more ready to roast a bunch of men who have nightmares about going bald. It’s all I’ve wanted to do since March.

Let’s go:

AJ, 28, Software sales

AJ is the kind of guy who writes “Looking for the Pam to my Jim <3″ on his Bumble profile. His bio is generic and probably not reflective of who he is as a person. If I were Clare I’d swipe left.

Ben, 29, Army ranger veteran

“Ben's favorite indulgence is an ice bath.“ Well then.

Alexa, play “Run” by AWOLNATION.

Bennett, 36, Wealth management consultant

Bennett’s profile is the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. This man says he is the total package but hasn’t always been "this successful and good looking.” But wait, there’s more: “According to Bennett, his high school girlfriend is the only girl he's ever had to work for.“

Can someone tell me what NYC neighborhood he lives in so I can blacklist it?

Blake M1, 31, Male grooming specialist

Blake’s just another stereotypical “29th round draft pick who sat on the bench of the practice team before getting cut, but claims he left the sport due to an injury on his own accord.”

Blake M2, 29, Wildlife manager

This Blake is an outdoorsy Canadian who seems pretty genuine and cool. Unfortunately, he has the face of someone who’d get sent home on night one. I hope I’m wrong.

Brandon, 28, Real Estate Agent

Just another boring hot person. Nothing to see here.

Brendan, 30, Commercial roofer

Brandan, not to be confused for Brandon, “loves some good true crime, working out and hanging out with his friends.” I can’t even make fun of this man. We have the exact same interests.

Chasen, 31, IT account executive

The Winklevoss twins are actually triplets and Chasen is their long lost brother. But more seriously, have you ever seen someone who looks more like their name than this man?

Chris, 27, Landscape design salesman

“Chris hopes to find a woman who is sharp and witty but also easygoing.” Chris, sweetheart, have you met Clare? Easygoing...? There’s still time back out of this before it’s too late.

Dale, 31, Former pro football wide receiver

Dale aggressively screams “Bachelor material.” I’d say he’s auditioning for that role but Matt James already scooped it up. Better luck next year, Daley.

Demar, 26, Spin cycling instructor

Demar is a “very popular spin instructor in Scottsdale and says he can get on that bike and spin to any beat thrown his way.” Imagine how many trophy wives Demar has f*cked?

Eazy, 29, Sports marketing agent

Eazy is very similar to Dale on paper. Except his name is Eazy so he automatically loses that battle.

Ed, 33, Health care salesman

“Ed is looking to find a woman who has natural beauty without looking overly fake.” Ed deserves to die alone.

Garin, 34, Professor of Journalism

Garin’s bio is giving me hubby material vibes. And maybe a little bit of a “gets eliminated on night one” vibe too.

Ivan, 28, Aeronautical Engineer

Ivan, what are you doing here? We’re in a recession. Please go back to your normal job before it’s too late.

Jason, 31, Former pro football linemen

“He is a former NFL offensive lineman who, after suffering too many concussions on the field, decided to prioritize his health and change the direction of his life.” A big, brawny HIMBO with CTE? I feel like he’s Clare’s type.

Jay, 29, Fitness director

There are too many things about Jay that I dislike and I’m trying to keep this brief. Jay says “it's time to take a break from worrying about others and focus on himself instead.” I am willing to bet money that this man has never made a woman c*m.

Jeremy, 40, Banker

Jeremy is the oldest contestant ever to come on "The Bachelorette,” which may seem like a monuments accomplishment but he’s literally only one year older than Clare.

He also “hates Instagram models, both male and female,” so he should have a lot of fun here.

Joe, 36, Anesthesiologist

Before I even saw his profession and location, I thought Joe looked like a doctor I’d find on a NYC dating app...and...uh...I probably did see him on there now that I think about it.

Anyway, this man has apparently been through seven stages of hell while on the front lines fighting Covid-19 in NYC so I definitely think he deserves to find love. Someone marry him please.

Jordan C, 26, Software account executive

I can already tell Jordan is going to get the “I’m young but mature” edit which means he’s probably not going to be good TV.

Too bad someone a tad younger (like Tayshia) wasn’t the Bachelorette. I feel like they’d make a cute couple.

Jordan M., 30, Cyber security engineer

I was going to say something mean but Jordan’s into cyber security and I don’t want my blog to be deactivated, so never mind. Cast photos are historically bad so I’m sure he looks much better in real life.

Kenny, 39, Boy band manager

I could go for the obvious drags regarding this man’s profession (or his sh*tty chest tattoo, or his suspiciously boyish face relative to his age), but I like to think I’m more clever than that.

I’d like to take this time to talk about men, who are obviously difficult people, who rant and rave about how they want an “easygoing” woman. Look into the mirror, bud. No, not the one you use to jerk off to your reflection; the mirror that looks into your soul. Out of respect for the rest of humankind, have some self-awareness. Or maybe just see a therapist.

Mike, 38, Digital media advisor

Mike is seemingly a decent catch, but I can’t help but wonder why he’s still single or how he never (accidentally or on purpose) impregnated a woman in his 38 years of life.

And now that I’m thinking about it, do any of these men have children? I have yet to see any mention of it in their bios. But there are eight men left to review, so there’s still time.

Page, 37, Chef

I spoke too soon. Page is a father! He also hates football! I’m a fan of this man. I was initially going to drag him for his name and say that Page is not a real name. PAIGE is a real name. PAGE is a piece of paper. I’m allowed to say this because we have the same name except mine is spelled the correct way. Based on my (mostly positive) review of his cast bio, I have decided not to hold his name against him.

Riley, 30, Long Island City

Riley, once married with children, would like to go on a family vacation that consists of touring every single MLB stadium in the country. If i were his wife, I would simply never give this man children.

Robby, 30, Insurance broker

No more Robbys on The Bachelorette. Society has evolved past its need for more Robbys.

This Robby described his dream woman as: “Incredibly athletic and able to throw back a few beers with him after a day of hiking. She has a sweet personality and won't mind that he spends his Sundays on the golf course.”

Someone please give this man a sex doll. He just wants a hole.

Tyler C., 27, Lawyer

“Tyler C. is a badass lawyer who says he is a businessman by day and a cowboy by night.” How does that make him a lawyer? Does this mean he’s into cosplay? I’m confused.

Tyler S., 36, Music manager

Tyler makes an honorable living off riding his brother’s dick success as a country singer. “He just LOVES his job!” Uh yeah, I would too if I had a low-show, high-paying job off the merits of nepotism. It’s the American dream.

Yosef, 30, Medical device salesman

Another dad! He’s totally going to pull the “girl dad” narrative. That saying is kind of sexist to me but the masses generally eat it up, so I’m fairly confident Yosef will get the "sweet guy” edit he’s looking for.

Zac C., 36, Addiction specialist

“He loves Philadelphia sports and dreams of sharing a Philly Cheesesteak with his future wife while watching the Eagles win a Super Bowl.” This man is so South Jersey it hurts.

On a more serious note, I don’t think anyone in recent history has spoken openly about their personal struggle with addiction on this show, so I hope Zac gets a chance to tell his story.

Zach J., 37, Cleaning service owner

Zach is seemingly obsessed with Clare already and hopes to introduce her to his mom as his fiancée. Since Zach watched Clare on Juan Pablo’s season, you’d think he’d know that Clare would first meet his mom during the final four hometown dates. Assuming he makes it that far. My prediction is that he won’t.

Final thoughts

After eight long months Bachelor Mondays are back!!!

Uhh....wait.

Actually, we now have the less-exciting Bachelor Tuesdays. Yeah, it definitely doesn’t have the same ring to it. But I’ll take anything at this point.

Here are my final predictions:

First impression rose: Dale. It just looks like he can turn on the bullsh*t charm

Final rose: Jason. Clare wants a HIMBO I just know it.

Bachelor: nobody (Matt James is The Bachelor)

Most likely to get engaged on Bachelor in Paradise: Blake M2

Most likely to get canceled online: Bennett

Most likely to get sent home night one but deserve better: Chris

Who are your favorite men cast on this season?

#The Bachelorette #abc #clare crawley #chris harrison #photo credit: ABC

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