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#so this is me thinking about some of those emotions
lymtw · 3 days
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When Toji finds out that you get yourself off when he's not around, he's blatantly offended. You recognize jealousy on Toji's face when you see it. It's not always pretty, but sometimes you think it's the most beautiful way you'll ever see him. He looks at you with those eyes. Those merciless, yet disarming, green eyes. You've told him before that they are one of your greatest weaknesses, and since then he uses them to his advantage at any given chance.
Shiu called Toji to notify him about a last minute mission, and though you begged him to stay, he reminded you of how this could be the one that brings both of you out of the struggle to make ends meet.
You were blinded by the amount of time you had spent with him. A week straight, no interruptions until Shiu called. It was one of the best weeks of your life, and that only further devastated you when you couldn't talk him out of leaving.
To make things worse, he wasn't able to reconcile with you and comfort you before he left. Shiu was rushing him, but all he could think about was how you turned your back to him, not even wanting to look at him before he left.
He answered Shiu's phone call for three seconds, an enraged, "I'm going. Jesus, fuck," before hitting the end call button. He stands at your shared bedroom doorway for a few seconds more seconds, still only getting a look at the back of your head. "I'll be back, princess. Gonna make it up to you, so wait up for me."
The mission wasn't difficult at all. It was so easy that he even attempted to contact you while he scouted the close quartered area. You didn't pick up a single one of the six calls he made, letting them all go straight to voicemail each time. It was irritating. He wanted to hear your voice, he wanted you to listen to him, he wanted to tell you that he was rushing this mission so that he could sprint home to you.
Once he got his dirty work done, he tried your phone again, and again, but you were still letting his calls go to voicemail. So, he decided to text you.
Babe, answer.
I know you're upset, but i'm on my way home now
Baby, please
You read his messages, sighing before throwing your phone across the room. He never says no to Shiu when it's about a job. You've accepted this before, but after spending a whole uninterrupted week with Toji, feeling like things would remain that way for longer than they did, it was hard to remember that life was gonna merge back in again at some point. Your vacation hours would run out and you would have to go back to work, and Toji would be hired to hunt someone down again. It was just disheartening to find out that it would happen so soon, and that Toji would jump back into routine so quickly.
You see one of his shirts at the end of the bed and reach for it. It was flipped inside out and balled up, so you know it was worn by him. Just holding it in your lap, you can smell Toji's scent. You bring it up to your nose, and your heart begins to race. Toji wore this. He's not there with you, so that's the closest you'll get to him until he's physically in front of you again.
You bury your face into the rolled up shirt, inhaling deeply. The scent really works at pushing you to forgive him for leaving. His scent was debiliating. It brought vulnerability to a moment where it was just you on the bed you share with your man. You were missing him and wishing he weren't so obligated to his work. It stirred up feelings that couldn't be contained.
In this whirlwind of emotions, you couldn't reject the feeling that blazed in you the most. Your need for him. Your desire to have him all over you, with those hands that don't quit when you waver between feeling like you've had enough, and wanting more of him than ever.
You crawl back to the top of the bed, Toji's shirt dragging on the sheets beneath your palms. Your shorts are peeled off and tossed to the floor. You grab his pillow from his side of the bed, slipping it between your thighs before laying down flat on your stomach. You spread his shirt out on your pillow, and lay your face on it, allowing your mind to fill with thoughts of Toji. You used this internal shrine to fuel the languid roll of your hips against the pillow.
Toji called one more time. He was two minutes away from the house. Your phone is on silent mode, still on the floor on the other side of the room. Besides, you were too distracted to see your phone screen light up, anyway.
"We're literally here, already. Quit stressing," Shiu says when he sees Toji scoff after putting his phone down, a deadpan expression on the former's face. The second the van stops, Toji hops out, and without another word to Shiu, he slams the door shut.
The door barges open and slams shut behind him. Had you not been in your blissful haze, you would have been concerned. Toji's footsteps echo on the hardwood floor as he looks around in search of you. You're not on the couch, you aren't in the kitchen. Where the hell could you be?
"Ma," Toji calls, walking through the hallway. He peeks into the bathroom, not digging further because the light was off. He hears heavy breathing nearby, so he keeps going down the hall. It's one of two doors. Luckily, he chooses the right one.
He slowly creaks the door open, his shoulders dropping immediately at the sight on the bed. He sighs in awe, leaning against the doorframe.
Your hips rolled a little faster against the pillow now, your arms curled tightly around the pillow for your head. Your face remained buried in Toji's shirt, your moans muffled as you gnawed on the black fabric. You were so close to unraveling, you could feel it building up in your lower abdomen.
Toji really liked the little arch you made everytime you pulled back and then dragged forward to get the longest amount of friction between your legs. He could see your body trembling, and your moans were getting louder.
"Oh, Toji..."
The monster in his pants came to life, prominently bulging through his pants.
"F-Fuck... fuck me, please," you gasped, keeping your rhythm but grinding harder against the pillow. "Oh fuck, oh fuck..." you moaned, higher in pitch as you reached the brink of orgasm. You dragged your panty clad cunt across the pillow one more time before completely falling apart on it. Cries of pleasure shamelessly filled the room as you continued to shakily rut against the pillow through your peak. You whimpered, your abdomen quivering with your shuddered breaths as you kept grinding.
Toji's boxers were drenched with precum, just from watching you go wild on a pillow. You were thinking of him while he was gone. You wanted him. You called his name while you got yourself off to his scent on a shirt he wore yesterday, and now you're just there. A breathless, panting, needy, beautiful mess.
Toji straightens his posture and enters the room. He sees your phone on the floor and picks it up, the screen lighting to show his most recent missed calls. His footsteps pull you out of your climactic trance, a starry-eyed look on your face when you see him approach the bed.
"Couldn't pick up the phone even once?" He presents your phone to you. "Too busy fucking yourself on my pillow?"
"Toji..." you start, waved off immediately by his hand.
"Heard my name in there a couple times, princess. Thought you were upset with me." His eyes rake down your body, focusing on the way your thighs clamp around his pillow. He sees the wet spot on the front of your panties, and for some reason feels envy begin to bubble up in his stomach. His hand reaches for the elastic band of your underwear, simply feeling the material that hugs your hips.
"I was," you mumble.
"Uh-huh. So, instead of waiting for me like the perfect angel I thought you were, you made yourself cum on a pillow?" He scoffs. "Don't know about you, but that's borderline selfish to me." He notices the involuntary pout on your face, your guilty eyes trying to hold eye contact while he scolds you. "I make you cum. I fuck you until your damn claws are digging into my back. Tell me, doll, and be brutally honest, for me. How is it not enough?"
"I missed you..." you say, a last resort. All you can do is back yourself up now.
He laughs in disbelief. You really were ruled by your own desire. "Try again, doll."
"I needed you, Toji, and the closest thing to your presence was your pillow and a stupid shirt you wore yesterday. We have a dirty clothes hamper, you know?" You point at the tall basket in the corner of the room. "Maybe this wouldn't have happened if you had thrown it in there."
"Show me," he says, a twisted grin on his face.
"What are you talking about? Show you what?"
He pulls the pillow through your thighs so that you're centered on it again. "Show me how much you missed me." He sits in front of you, his hands resting on your hips. "Show me how this flimsy replacement for me, made you lose your shit."
You sit there, flustered by his silence as he watches you, waiting patiently for his hands to get gentle friction from your skin.
"Oh, you need some help winding up? I was so sure you were good at this, seeing as though you made yourself spill, but, guess not." He looks down at the front of your panties. The wet patch was growing with no movement from you at all. This made his ego sky rocket, but also reminded him of how unpredictable you could be. "I'm not gonna hold your hand the whole time, baby. You're supposed to be putting on a show for me."
His grip on your hips tightens and he starts assisting you with rolling your hips against the pillow. He watches your face, a bright shade flourishing on your cheeks when you make eye contact with him. It was like he had a spotlight on you, and he was expecting you to perform well for him under the harsh light.
You let out a shaky breath, your palms settling on his thighs. Your head hung low, hiding the bashful look of bliss on your face. It was a gesture that Toji did not approve of.
"Let me look at you," he says, still maneuvering your hips in a constant rhythm. You lift you head but turn away from him. "Keep those eyes on me." He manually turns your head, one hand releasing your hip in favor of forcing you to look at him. His hand returns to its spot when he has your glossy eyes on his. "I'm right in front of you. There's nothing over there that demands your attention, so focus."
"Toji," you whine, humiliation flooding your body.
"Gonna let go in a few seconds, so you better fall into some sort of rhythm, doll."
You try to pretend like he's not there, but it's hard to do so when he's staring straight into your soul. Watching every expression you make, watching every tremble of your lips, every swipe of your tongue. You feel total vulnerability.
His hands are off and you stutter for a second before picking up again.
"There you go," Toji mutters. You took control, and ground yourself harder against the pillow.
"Toji, touch me, please." You pull your shirt off, baring more of yourself to Toji. His lidded eyes take in the newly exposed skin. He can see your breasts rising and falling now as you breathe, and he can't deny how badly he wants to hold them. He gives in, his hands going to your back to unclip your bra. His hands immediately grope your boobs, testing the malleability like he always does. They're just so perfect.
"Aren't you a sight... You just have to be so fuckin' pretty all the time, don't you?" He rolls your nipples with his thumbs, taking in the way you shudder at the contact. "Fuck, it's hard to stay mad when you look like that."
You feel that familiar ache begin to form again, when the roll of your hips starts leaving a lingering pleasure behind.
"You're about to cum again, aren't you?" Toji asks, knowing the answer. His eyes are narrowed on you, his dick twitching even if his blood is boiling at the thought of you enjoying this so much. You're doing those little arches again where you pull back and your stomach is quivering every time you drag yourself back forward.
"Mhm..." your nails dig into Toji's thighs, using them as leverage to facilitate your movement even more. "Toji, can I cum?" you ask, your submissive tendencies coming out right on time, as usual. You like handing over control to Toji, even if it means you don't get to cum when you're seconds away from being an absolute mess. "Toji, can I, please?"
How can he deny you when you've complied with what he asked you to do? How can he turn you down when you're so driven with pleasure that you look like you're about to cry just from slowing down for a couple seconds, awaiting his response?
"Only if you do it on my hand." His hands still your hips, holding you down firmly to stop your movement completely.
"What?" Your cunt aches from holding back. It's pulsing, craving the return of stimulation.
Toji's hand slides into the front of your underwear, cupping your slickened folds. "Do it on my hand," he repeats.
"O-Okay," you comply, once again. You start rocking against his hand, the roughness of his skin adding more friction to your sensitive core. You were bound to snap any second now.
"God, you're so wet, ma. All for me?"
"Mhm... all for you, Toji," you whimper. "Gonna..." you gasp. "Oh, fuck-"
Toji devours your expression and the shaky pressure of your silkiness against his hand. His pupils are enormous, ridding him of almost all the green in his eyes. He loves the sounds you make, he loves that you adjusted to the spotlight he put on you and gave him the best show, but most of all, he loves that this was all the product of you just missing him.
You're left breathing shakily, your head hung low, and your eyes lidded with exhaustion.
"Did it feel the same?" Toji's voice brings you back. His hand retracts from your underwear, and he gets a good look at what you left behind on him, wiping it off on his shirt. It'll be removed soon enough, anyway.
"Not at all." You giggle. You look at him, your hands coming up to cup his cheeks. "You're irreplaceable, baby. Inanimate objects don't do it for me like you do."
He chuckles. Your voice is adorable, all quiet yet still able to communicate your reassuring words.
"I need a nap," you mumble, retrieving your shirt from the end of the bed.
"Wanna shower with me, instead?"
Your attention directs towards him like a homing bolt of lightning. He gives you a smug grin, and you know exactly what he's thinking.
"Spare me some company and one of those massages you're so good at giving, yeah?"
You give him a deadpan expression, almost refuting him until he hit you at another point where he knew you were weak.
"Please, mama?"
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harmoonix · 19 hours
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🧚🏼‍♀️Fαιɾყƈσɾҽ🧚🏼‍♀️
*Unlock your inner fairy*
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Come away with me now to the sky
Up all the hills and the sea
Far beyond where memories lie
To a place where Im free to be me
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🧚🏼‍♀️ - Earth Risings (Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo) have that amazing personality thanks to their strong aura and energy. They're that chill yet wholesome person
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Midheaven in Fire Signs will mostly wanna have a job based on their desires and on what they truly want/desire from life
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Having your 4H in an earth sign it can indicate your home can be your biggest comfort, out of all the places
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Moon aspecting the Ascendant brings that type "serene" energy to the native, calm, peaceful, I love how they resemble those things
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Saturn aspecting Venus want a high standard relationship because for them loyalty and teamwork matters a lot in the relationship
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Pluto aspecting Sun/Moon/Ascendant can be judged for who their are, or heavy criticized, it's important to be you even if you have haters
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🧚🏼‍♀️ - Moon in Gemini/Gemini Degrees 3°, 15°, 27° moon loves this energy of self - expressing, I always think about this placement as "life in colors"
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Neptune aspecting Mars will always have a fiery energy, is electrifying and yet charismatic, full of boosts of energy
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Juno aspecting the IC (4th house) will have that familiy oriented spouse, possibly someone who wants also to live a traditional marriage life
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Let the stars fill your soul, when the moon cradles all
So, to yourself be true
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🧚🏼‍♀️ - When you have your North Node in your 9H you gonna decide which faith you wanna follow, which religion, education, schools, you have free will in that area
🧚🏼‍♀️ - North Node in the 3rd/5th house gives you the chance to express yourself how you want, you achieve things in your life by being yourself
🧚🏼‍♀️ - When you have your Mars in your 3rd/6th or 8th house Mars will react either very energetic either very tired. It's important to keep a balance between how lazy you are and how productive you are
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🧚🏼‍♀️ - Water Suns can easily attach emotionally by others, crying in the same time?? Girl yes! Telling your secrets to each other? Girl no! There always should be a boundary between you and your emotional side
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Neptune in the 2H/4H/9H/12H can come from a background with a spiritual family, like your family members can be into spirituality
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Mars/Pluto or Venus in the 5H get tempted easily, like their lust is overdosed here, take care at your temptations especially if you're in relationship
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Suns in the 12H can have a various impacts, on the good side this placement can help at growing spirituality and the bad side it is that it will make you to self - doubt a lot (You're worth it🫶🏼)
🧚🏼‍♀️ - I already said in numerous posts that Venus in Earth Signs men are gentlemen, like their aura is screaming that (GENTLEMAN/MY MAN) I'm looking at Taurus Venus while saying this ofc
🧚🏼‍♀️ - My Juno is in fucking Aquarius okay..so there was once an Aquarius Sun guy who saw me as his "relationship material" and I was like "Um nope" his Juno was in Capricorn while my Sun is in Capricorn and I had no like for him 😅🫶🏼
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Can we appreciate Capricorns for wanting to date older people so they don't have to suffocate themselves with the ones who have not matured at a certain time
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🧚🏼‍♀️ - Cancer Moons will basically attach to your heart like a spider cloth, and it maybe devour it at some point. If you love them they gonna "devour" your love
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Moon in the 1st/3rd/5th/9th houses love to party and enjoy life, the soul of the party placement literally
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Juno in 2H/Juno in Taurus is giving spoiling spouse,girl "you wake up with 24k gold earrings beside your bed from your spouse"energy
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Aries/Scorpio and Sagittarius Mars are those bad bitches who nobody plays with like, they don't accept it
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Mars in the 11H or Mars in Aquarius can become quite obsessive/possesive around their friends but in the same time can have lots of conflicts with them because after all Mars is the planet of war
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Stellium or lots of placements in the 9th house can show love for traveling/exploring/ even learning new things
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🧚🏼‍♀️ - Stellium in the 5th house or in Leo can indicate a lot creativity, a very talented person, can indicate you love being yourself as well
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Juno in the 11H or in Aquarius can indicate your husband will for sure be one of your closest friends
🧚🏼‍♀️ - If someone has Pluto - Sun aspects you can tell they can be misunderstood a lot, is hard to fit in the norm if you're just trying to make a difference
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Aquarius Suns and Risings are different from their family members or relatives, like when you go for example and visit their family, these natives will always stand out of them
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Sun in your 6H/12H can make you just tired or drained easily, try to not force yourself to do certain things if you don't really want that
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Mars in the 1H/Aries Mars is an icon placement, it shows a lot of motivation and energy towards the things you wanna do in your life
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Jupiter conjunct/trine/sextile Mars makes you extremely ambitious, very desirable, and you can actually manifest things so fast with these placements
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Venus aspecting the Midheaven (in good aspects) can be appreciated at their work for their personality/aura/vibe
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🧚🏼‍♀️ - Having more Cardinal Signs in your chart than others (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) shows you're not afraid of change, sudden changes, you're ready for everything that comes in your life
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Chiron aspecting Ascendant (all aspects) can indicate a very big journey when it comes to self - discovering and healing yourself!! Your healing era is precious
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Having your 8H in a fire sign shows a person who is very sensual/passionate/has lot of desires and lots of naughty thoughts
🧚🏼‍♀️ - When you and a person share the same Lilith sign, you can both understand eachother on a psychic level, you can also tell which bad traits you have to eachother
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Pisces Saturn has a lesson about becoming more spiritual and finding your inner faith in a way, being more connected with yourself
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Sun/Lilith or Saturn in the 10H can have really big issues with their dads, the dad can be controlling/strict or just mean with some of these placements
🧚🏼‍♀️ - Chiron in the 2H can also be about being more healthy in your diet, like eating more healthy food and keep a balance in your body
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~ Bad bitches grew up with Tinkerbell 🧚🏼‍♀️🫶🏼 ~
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lowkeyerror · 2 days
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The Family Business Ch. 10
WandaNat x Reader
Word count: 3.4k
Ch.Notes: no notes this ch
Summary: Natasha and Wanda have a talk about their feelings for you. After that emotional conversation they meet you at the hospital to visit Dragos.
An: If I were to say things get more real next chapter how would you feel...
Series Masterlist | Masterlist
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The rest of the work day drags for Natasha and Wanda. Both women having other things on their mind. However, with Kate and Y/n out of the office on a hectic day like this, they couldn’t afford to dwell too much.
“Sestra, can we call it a day? I've never taken this many calls in my life,” Pietro barges into his sisters office.
“If you want to go home, then go,” she waves her hand dismissively at him.
“What’s got you so snappy?”
When Wanda’s eyes meet Pietro she’s glaring at him, “If you haven’t noticed I’m trying to run the company our father built on my own.”
Pietro raises his brow, “On your own? Discrediting my work is normal for you, but to act as if Y/n wasn’t running this place last night is bullshit.”
“Well she’s not here now,” Wanda mumbles under her breath.
“Why? Where is she?”
Wanda can’t hide the small clench in her jaw, “Kate took her home. She wasn’t feeling well.”
“She’s in good hands sestra if that’s what's worrying you,” Pietro tries to console her.
Wanda doesn’t want to speak about it any further, “I’m going to see papa whenever I’m done with this do you want to come?”
The way that Pietro's goofy features turn serious never cease to amaze Wanda, “I can’t tonight, I have a date.”
Wanda rolls her eye, “You’d rather get laid than see our father?”
Pietro shakes his head, “No, but this isn’t just some girl. I want this to be serious and I can’t afford to stand her up.”
The red head is slightly surprised, but she nods along, “I’ll tell him about it, I bet he’d be glad to hear you taking something seriously for once.”
He chuckles a bit before going quiet. He looks at Wanda similar to the way a needy child looks at their parent.
“Do you think he’ll wake up?”
“He has too,” the words are heavy as they leave her lips. She has a small smile placed on her face as she continues, “Mama will kill him if he doesn't.”
“Don’t work too hard sestra,” he speaks sincerely taking his leave.
“Enjoy your date,” Wanda says as he walks out of the door.
When he leaves she lets out a heavy sigh. For the first time today she lays her head down on her desk, exhaustion starting to plague her.
Thoughts of her responsibilities as the person in charge rain down on her. This was the end goal that she wanted, but never at this great of cost. She wished her father would wake up and reclaim his place because she didn’t feel ready.
She was focusing as hard as she could, but her mind always strays to her brother’s best friend. Your delicate skin pressing against hers in the morning or the strong arms that wrapped around her waist, or those doe eyes that she could sense staring at her.
Wanda debates for a moment before pulling out her cell phone and dialing the girl. It rings for a while before there's finally an answer.
“Hello.”
“Hey, little krolik. I just wanted to check on you. Nat told me you went home today,” Wanda keeps her tone level.
You sigh on the other end of the line, “I’m ok. I think I just got a little overwhelmed. I’m sorry for stepping out, I know that's not how we do business.”
“It’s no different than me leaving yesterday. This line of work takes a toll on you.”
She can’t see it, but you nod, “I’m feeling better now. I still want to go see pa- Dragos. Maybe I could have Kate drop me off and I’ll meet you two there?”
“You’re with Kate?” Wanda can’t stop herself from asking the question.
“Yeah she took me home and decided to keep me company,” you say nonchalantly.
“I could’ve taken you,” Wanda tries to play it cool.
You disagree with her, “I didn't want to bother you while you were working. It was a hectic day, truth be told I didn't even want to leave.”
Wanda’s tone is strong as she speaks, “I will never be too busy for you Y/n.”
“Wanda-”
“I mean it. I know I’m supposed to move past it, but I missed a lot while I was gone. I couldn’t be there for you like I wanted to. Now that I’m back I’d like to be there for you as much as I can. I still want to be the one you lean on,” Wanda let herself be vulnerable with you.
You were taken aback by her admission. It felt like it was impossible for you to come up with a response. It wasn’t like she was saying something you hadn't heard from her before, but her words felt heavier somehow.
“I know you'll be there for me, Wanda . You don't have to prove it.”
Wanda frowns lightly, “I’m not trying to prove anything. I’m just- it’s hard knowing I’m not the first person you come to when you’re in need. I know you've grown out of needing people for the most part, but I don’t know. I’m not making any sense. Nat and I will meet you at the hospital.”
Wanda doesn't give you a chance to respond as she hangs up the phone. She scolds herself about how needy she sounded during the call.
“I think I’m finished up for today, whenever you’re ready to go,” Natasha strolls into the office.
Wanda stares at the computer screen for a moment, “I should be ready in half an hour.”
Natasha plops down on the couch of her wife’s office. It’s silent for a moment until Nat shifts on the couch which makes noise fill the office.
“So, do you want to talk about it?”
“ About what?” Wanda keeps her attention on the screen.
“What I said about being jealous of Kate?”
Wanda’s brow furrows, “Not particularly.”
Natasha strides over to the woman’s desk chair and places herself in Wanda’s lap. Wanda’s arms loop around the woman’s waist holding her in place.
“We need to talk about this moya lyubov,” the spy places gentle kisses on the base of Wanda’s neck.
The other woman whines, “Why?”
“Because we’re married and you’re in love with Y/n,” Natasha states plainly.
Wanda rolls her eyes, “You were jealous too.”
Natasha nods, “I was and I don’t have a problem admitting it.”
Wanda’s face buries itself in the crook of Natasha’s neck, “So what does this all mean?”
“I like her too,” Natasha states bluntly.
“ I don’t want to lose you,” Wanda’s voice is small as she speaks to her wife.
Natasha softly places her hand on Wanda’s chin, forcing their eyes to meet, “You will never lose me Wanda. I married you because I’m completely, utterly, madly in love with you. That feeling hasn’t gone anywhere.”
“I love you too,” Wanda’s eyes shine as they bore into Natasha’s.
“ I think we should think about what it would be like to add Y/n into our relationship dynamic,” Natasha speaks, but it sounds like a question.
Wanda tenses briefly, “I can admit that I have feelings for Y/n, but I don’t know if I can act on these feelings Nat.”
“Why not?”
Wanda closes her eyes, “I’ve known her too long, Nat. She’s the same age as my little brother, not to mention she's his best friend. If she doesn’t feel the same way, this will ruin everything.”
“Detka-”
“I don’t know if it’s better or worst that we both want her. How would we even tell her Natasha? I don’t want to lose anymore time with her,” Wanda begins to get emotional.
Natasha cups her wife’s face in both of her hands, “Baby, I know you’re scared. This is scary, I’ve never been in a situation like this, I don’t have all the answers. All I know is that you love her and I think I could too. We’ve spent so much of our lives sacrificing for others, but I’m ready to sacrifice something for my own sake, aren’t you?”
“I am, but not at the expense of my relationship Y/n. I just got her back, Natasha. I’m not saying I never want to tell her, but I can’t do this now,” Wanda tries to turn her head away from her wife.
Natasha doesn’t let her, but instead places a soft kiss on her wife’s lips. Wanda relaxes under Natasha’s touch, feeling all of the stress of the day seeping out of her body.
“ Don’t hide from me, Wanda. I want you to share your feelings, I won’t ever judge you,” Natasha whispers against the taller woman’s lips.
“I don’t want to disappoint you. I know you’re ready but-”
Natasha shakes her head, “It’s not just about me, it’s about us. I don’t want to push you to do anything you aren’t ready for. If you want to pursue Y/n, I’m with you, but if you don’t, I'm still with you.”
Wanda nods softly, “I want to, but I- I need time.”
Natasha kisses her again, “Whenever you’re ready baby. Now finish up so we can go.”
“You’re not going to move?” Wanda questions her wife.
Natasha lets out an exasperated sigh, “ You can’t work around me?”
Wanda scoots herself into the desk. She slightly pushes Natasha to press into her further. The spy’s head is in the nape of Wanda’s neck.
“I can and if I’m being honest it’s my preferred method of doing work,” Wanda begins to focus on the computer again.
She works diligently with her wife in her lap. Having Natasha there makes her work go by a little faster and feel a lot less stressful. She finishes up within the hour.
Once she’s done Wanda shoots a text to Y/n saying that they were headed to the hospital. The girl replies saying she’ll meet them there.
Natasha drives, one hand on the wheel and the other holds Wanda’s hand. Her thumb caresses the back of the passengers hand trying to provide comfort, knowing that this was not an easy task for her.
Wanda had only visited her father once. She hated seeing him in such a fragile state. It almost didn't feel like he was her father. He couldn’t be the same man that took her to the city fair, the same mam that placed flowers in her hair, the man that invested his entire life in her dreams, it couldn’t be. This wasn’t the man that kept her safe from her nightmares, because looking at him in this state was beginning to feel like one.
When they arrived they went inside the building.
“If you don’t tell me what room he is in you won't live to the end of the week to regret it,” you argue with the receptionist.
Kate’s behind you her hand resting on your shoulder trying to pull you out of the conflict.
“It’s family only mam, one more outburst and I will have security throw you out,” the receptionist said causing a vein to pop in your neck.
“Is there a problem here?” Natasha speaks up first.
“Nothing that concerns you,” the receptionist snaps at the spy.
You interrupt, “You don't talk to her like that.”
Before things escalate any further Wanda slams her hand on the receptionist’s desk with her card under her palm.
“Now tell me what room my father is in, “ Wanda’s eyes look fiery as she stared at the receptionist.
The receptionist looks at the card bestie her eyes go wide, “Terribly sorry for the mix up Mrs. Maximoff, didn’t know she was in your company.”
Wanda peers down at the receptionist, “You’re lucky I’m feeling generous today. I don't ever want to hear you address either of these ladies in a disrespectful manner again.”
“Yes, Mrs. Maximoff sorry about that. It won’t happen again. He’s in room 286,” the receptionist looked ten sizes smaller.
You can’t help but give the woman a death glare as you head towards the elevator. Kate stops you on the way.
“I’m going to head home are you going to be alright?” Her eyes subtly glance in Wanda and Natasha’s direction.
“I’ll be fine Katie,” you reassure her.
“Ok just checking. Text me later and make sure you're taking care of yourself,” Kate pulls you into a tight hug.
The sound of someone clearing their throat ends your hug with the doe eyed girl. Kate smiles at you upon the release of the hug, she then waves goodbye, leaving you with the married couple.
“And you’re sure you and Kate aren’t dating?” Wanda can’t help, but comment.
You roll your eyes, “Positive, Katie and I are just friends.”
“What did you do after you left work ?”
You all pile into the elevator as you answer, “Nothing really. We just watched some tv and ordered some food. How was it at the office?”
Wanda goes to answer but Natasha stops her, “No work talk out of the office.”
“Well then what are we going to talk to Dragos about?” You attempt to joke in hopes of brightening the mood.
“ You can call him Papa you know?” Wanda takes her time looking at you.
“I know-”
She cuts you off, “Mama too.”
You nod to yourself, “I know, it’s just not my normal.”
Natasha speaks up, “It honestly feels like you’re fighting against their names when you say them. Mama and Papa sound natural coming from you."
“It feels like they are my parents.”
“They are,” Wanda grabs onto your hand as you approach Dragos’ room.
The air feels different when you enter the room. It’s hard to look at him in such a state. He lies still on the hospital bed with machinery hooked up to him. There are less machines than originally, but still too many in your eyes.
Flora sits by the side of the bed with her hand in his. The view is somber, it takes nearly everything in you not to cry. Almost as if she can sense the tension building in your body, Wanda squeezes your hand.
“How’s he been Mama?” Wanda’s moved closer to her mother’s side, dragging you with her.
“The same, but the doctors are saying that's a good thing for now at least,” she sighs heavily.
“And how are you Mama?” You ask looking over the woman’s features.
Flora sends you a small smile, “I’m tired sweetheart, but I’ll live.”
“Have you been going home?” Wanda questions further.
“To shower and change clothes.”
Wanda’s voice takes a stern tone, “Mama, you need to rest.”
The older woman shakes her head, “I can't leave him for too long.”
“He wouldn’t want you spending all your time here,” you say softly.
“It’s not about what he wants for once. If he didn’t want me here he would’ve listened when I told him going to meet Fisk alone was a bad idea,” she glares at her sleeping husband.
“I’ll have his head for this,” Wanda gets agitated at the mention of Kingpin.
“Blowing up the ports wasn’t enough?” Flora comments.
“Power move, just to prove that there are no cracks in our business affairs,” Wanda’s jaw sets.
Flora looks at her daughter, “He’s not going to take this lying down.”
“I know.”
You squeeze Wanda’s hand to reassure her, “ We’ll be ready for him."
Flora lets out a sad laughter, “You sound just like him Y/n.”
“ That’s a compliment for the ages. I hope I could be half of the person he is,” your gaze falls into your lap.
“You already are. You kids have always made us both so proud.”
You desperately want to ask more about Dragos’ condition, but you refrain. The conversation stays light as you reminisce about the man.
Natasha doesn't say much, but her presence does provide someone to share with. She's hearing most things about her father-in-law for the first time. She's getting a good look into the man he is.
She pays attention to the way you and Wanda both light up when sharing stories. It warms her heart to see the two of you looking genuinely happy for the first time in weeks.
When it’s time to go the mood drops a bit, but not too much. It’s when Natasha goes to follow Wanda and Y/n out of the room when Flora stops her.
“You make sure they're taking care of themselves,” Flora hugs the redhead and whispers in her ear.
Natasha nods, “I will Mrs.Maximoff.”
They head home after that, exhaustion finally catching up to them.
A small dilemma plagues your mind when you get home. Part of you wishes to go with Wanda and Natasha into their apartment where you know you can get a good night's rest. The other part of you tells you that you shouldn't make it a habit. It's a lose-lose situation.
Begrudgingly you decide to go to your own apartment.
“I’ll see you guys later,” you try and give a small goodbye.
Wanda grabs your forearm, “You can come over tonight, if you need to. No matter the time. Alright, little krolik?”
Your eyes shift over to Natasha who smile, showing agreement with her wife, “The door is always open for you.”
You struggle to keep your composure, “Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind.”
Your house feels extra empty as you enter. The weight of the day sets into your system. Getting ready for bed seems pointless as you know you won’t be getting any sleep.
Staring at the ceiling seems different, knowing that across the hall was the woman that you had spent your teen years pining over. Yet, knowing that she could love you didn’t make your heart flutter like it was supposed to. It sent an anxiety running through your chest.
You knew that she was probably curled up in the bed next to her wife. Her drop dead gorgeous, kind hearted, Russian spy, wife. A woman in a league of her own, in her own right.
The thought didn’t make you jealous, but it had an adverse effect on you. You wanted to be there, to be involved, to be a part of what they had.
You groan placing a pillow over your head in a dull effort to quiet your thoughts.
Your phone rings on the dresser and you pick it up, and mumble a hello with the pillow still over your head.
“Come over.”
“Natasha?”
There’s a hum over the line, “Yes, are you coming or do I need to come get you?”
You shuffle out of the bed, keeping the phone to your ear, “Is something wrong?”
“Well-"
She’s cut off by her wife, “Come to bed little krolik. I need the extra warmth.”
Natasha chuckles, “Wanda refuses to sleep in your absence. She’s getting a little grumpy.”
“ I’m not grumpy. Tell her to hurry,” Wanda argues with Natasha.
This makes your heart flutter like it’s supposed to, “Are you sure it’s ok Nat?”
“ Lisichka I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you back in our bed.”
You feel a blush take over your features as you exit your home.
“ Ok, open the door,” you murmur and it takes no time for the spy to let you into her home.
Natasha looks exhausted as she grabs you by the arm and drags you wordlessly to the bedroom.
Wanda’s already in the bed and when she sees you she does a grabbing motion towards you. You shake your head before climbing into the bed. She wraps her arm around your waist and snuggles closer to you.
“You sleep here now. It’s better for all of us,” She mumbles against your skin.
“Ok,” you don’t fight her on it, knowing she’d probably forget in the morning.
You look up at Natasha shyly. She still stands over the bed. In a similar fashion to Wanda, you stick out your arms for her.
Natasha grins as she climbs into your arms. You carefully drape your arm over the spy, resting your hand against her flat stomach.
For the second night in a row you find yourself comfortable in their bed. You all think about how you shouldn’t indulge in this feeling, scared it won’t last.
It’s like the couple can read your mind. Wanda’s hold on you tightens and Natasha turns to face you. They keep you safe in their embrace and the thoughts in your head quiet.
No one says anything, but you all feel it. There’s a shift in your relationship and you won’t be able to ignore it for much longer.
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alltheirdamn · 1 day
Text
Killing Me Softly | (Joel x teacher!f!reader)
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Chap. 5 Nevermore
Chp. 5 Summary: It's hard to understand why everything feels so right. Rating: 18+ Explicit MDNI Word Count: 5.5k Warnings: Pre-outbreak AU, language, heavy kissing, unprotected piv sex, semi-rough sex, creampie, praise kink, (kinda) size kink, aftercare, fluff and a LOT of angst, light banter, lots of emotions, mentions of past trauma, brief flashback of trauma, another cliffhanger (sorry) A/N: Well, if you're here, I hope you're prepared for what's coming. A HUGE shoutout to @loonmartell for helping co-conspire the trajectory of this story. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it as always <3
Masterlist | Ko-fi
I think he’s already falling in love with you. I think he’s already falling in love with you. I think he’s already falling in love with you. I think he’s already falling in—
“Miss Smith?” 
Your head jerked up at the sound, and the pencil you were drawing circles with fell against your desk. Bradley, one of your students, was standing at the edge of your desk with his test in hand.
“Sorry about that, sweetie,” you smiled, extending a hand. “Thank you.”
Bradley eyed you curiously before turning and skipping back to his desk. You dragged a hand over your face, wanting to crawl into the furthest corner of the world and never be seen again. Beth’s words had been plaguing you for days since you called her. Over and over again, they annihilated your thoughts, a constant broken record that you couldn’t shut off. You still had your nightly calls with Joel, talking past midnight and falling asleep together, but you kept making excuses not to see him. 
“I’ve got lesson plans to make,” you lied.
“I’ll help,” Joel had offered.
“You’re a distraction.”
“I ain’t that bad,” he huffed.
The next night, you lied and said you were going out with Maria, which was an even worse lie since you were avoiding her at all costs. Telling Beth the news was one thing, but telling Maria was another matter. She was nosey and a bit too loud-mouthed to trust. The last thing you wanted was for the entire faculty to know your dirty secrets. Joel had to remain a secret—at least for now.
It’s not like you wanted to avoid Joel; you were just scared. You were not ready for this new territory, and if Beth was anywhere near correct in her assumptions, it only made you want to shy away more. The only problem was parent-teacher conferences this week, meaning you’d have to see Joel and Sarah…together.
The class bell rang, and your free period between classes began. You dropped your head on the desk and took a few deep breaths, trying to wrangle some semblance of calm back into your body. The final class of the day would be Sarah’s, and you’d be lying if you said you were prepared to see her. The blaring reminder that her dad had fucked you sore over the weekend still hung over your head, and you couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for it. How was your fall break, Sarah? Oh yeah, mine was great. Your dad fucked me so hard I ended up having a complete breakdown. 
Fuck. 
You wanted the day to be over. 
The free period went by much faster than you wanted, and as you watched the next slew of kids take their seats, you made a conscious effort not to stare at Sarah as she walked in. She wore her usual smile, the impression of her dimples digging into her cheeks. Some wild thought popped into your head that you had no time to recover from: if you and Joel went any further, God help you, you’d be Sarah’s step-mom one day. Your stomach rolled with nausea as you tried to will those thoughts away. Joel wouldn’t stick around that long; you were a lost cause. There was no chance that would happen. Right? 
Clearing your throat, you rose from your desk and made your way over to the projector to set up the lesson for the day. Since the school year was nearing Halloween, you decided it would be fun to teach Edgar Allen Poe, completely forgetting you had chosen “The Raven”—which was about losing someone. This would have a bite to it that you weren’t ready for.
“Okay, everyone,” you announced. “Did we all finish the reading assignment this week?”
There were a few nods and murmurs of agreement, and you quickly shifted to the first few slides of your presentation. 
“Alright, so who can tell me the overall theme for Poe’s ‘The Raven’?”
Georgia, one of your top students, shot her hand up without a beat.
“Yes, Georgia?”
“It’s about his grief for losing Lenore,” she answered.
“Good,” you smiled. “Can anyone tell me what other theme the poem contains?”
“Madness!” Another student chimed in, causing an uproar of laughter amongst the students.
“Okay, okay, settle down. Very good, you guys.”
You switched to the next slide, staring blankly at the words typed out. Lenore is gone forever. Something struck you as you silently read it, realizing you weren’t too far off from Poe in his grief. Although Bennett wasn’t dead, he wasn’t coming back. That fact hadn’t hurt as deeply throughout the last few weeks, especially with Joel around, but it still threw salt in the open wounds still scattered over your heart. 
“In stanza two,” you cleared your throat. “In stanza two, Poe refers to Lenore as ‘nameless,’ which can imply that she has died, and he’s now consumed with grief. Where else did you guys find his grief prominent?”
Georgia quickly raised her hand again, and you motioned for her to speak. 
“In stanza four, he talks about his dreams, which I think he means he’s dreaming of her to return to him. But if she’s dead, there’s no way she’s going to come back,” Georgia said.
Fuck. You felt the sting of tears rim your eyes and briefly paused to gather your bearings. Bennett left. He left, and you had spent years dreaming he would return. 
“Good,” you choked out.
You glanced around the room, your eyes connecting with Sarah’s. It took all your strength not to break down and cry as she studied you with the same concerned furrow in her brows as her dad would do. 
Clicking to the next slide, you exhaled, focusing on the following theme to discuss. Madness. 
“Now, with the theme of madness, where do we see this begin? Obviously, the dreams can be interpreted as his descent into madness, but what else do we find?” You asked. 
To your detriment, Sarah was the one to raise her hand.
“Sarah,” you sighed, nodding.
“It’s the raven,” she said plainly. “The raven is what drives him mad.”
“What does he do to drive Poe mad?” You questioned.
“The raven only says one word,” she explained. “And that word drives him mad until the end of the poem.
“And why does it drive him mad?”
Sarah shifted in her seat, looking around at her classmates before responding.
“Because it’s the answer Poe doesn’t want to hear. Poe doesn’t want to be reminded that Lenore is dead, but that’s the only response the raven will give.”
You were swaying in place, trying to hold yourself together as the memories started ricocheting back into your mind. Now wasn’t the time to collapse, not in front of twenty students staring at you, confused and concerned. You only responded with a nod and flipped the projector off.
“Good job, you guys. Now, does anyone have any questions on this unit? Any questions about the stanza format or the themes?”
Sarah raised her hand again.
“Did his madness kill him?” She asked.
“Who?”
“Poe.”
“Oh, um, no. Well, it’s a mystery, really. Some people say he died of delirium, so, I guess, madness. But other people speculate he drank himself to death.”
The class grew morbidly quiet, which made it harder for you to continue. No one else spoke up after Sarah, so you resorted to handing out the quiz and sinking back into your desk chair.
One by one, the students came up to turn in their quiz, and you averted your gaze each time with a nonchalant ‘thank you.’ When the final bell finally sounded through the room, you hardly had the energy to wave goodbye. 
Sarah was the last to leave, and that same concerned look lingered on her face as she shuffled out. 
That night, you didn’t pick up the phone when Joel called. You stared as it rang repeatedly, watching the light fade from the screen when the ringing stopped. You buried your head under the covers and tried to sleep, but then the nightmares started.
You woke up to your alarm, hyperventilating and drenched in sweat. Squinting at the morning sun streaming through the blinds, you grabbed your phone to check the time. Your fingers froze as you read the screen.
Seven missed calls from Joel
Two voicemails from Joel
With shaky fingers, you pressed play on the first voicemail.
“Hey baby, it’s me. I just wanna make sure you’re okay. I’m hopin’ you’re just asleep, but if you’re up, please call me.”
Then you played the next.
“Baby, it’s me again. I miss you, and I’m worried ‘bout you. Please don’t shut me out, okay? I just wanna hear your voice and hear ‘bout your day. If you don’t wanna talk, that's okay. I understand. Just please lemme know you’re alright. I’ll drive my ass out to you if I need to just to make sure you’re okay. Call me when you get this. G’night, baby.”
You dug your knuckles into your eyes to try and force the tears back. Last night, you had the worst of the nightmares: the memory of something you tried to forget. You hadn’t touched that memory in so long. It was just the brutal realization you were truly at fault for everything with Bennett. No matter how badly you wanted to blame him, it was always your fault. 
Glancing back at your phone, you rechecked the time: 7:35. Fuck, you were running late, and you really didn’t want to call Joel back right now. At least not right now. You’d muster the energy and strength to do it later, but you needed to gather yourself and get ready for work right now. Tossing off the sweat-slick sheets, you rushed into the bathroom and quickly showered. You couldn’t bother to put makeup on, so you opted to go without it and found a simple dress to wear. It was still in the high eighties in Austin, and a dress was the easiest option for the day. 
Scrambling for your purse and keys, you ran to the garage to start your car and head to the school. 
It wasn’t until you pulled into your parking spot that you realized you left your phone on the nightstand. 
“Okay, what’s going on?” Maria questioned, sipping her lukewarm coffee. 
She had nagged you into spending your free period in her classroom, demanding that you tell her everything that you had been withholding. You sat on the edge of her desk, your dress flowing over your knees as you stared out her class windows. 
“Nothing, Maria,” you lied. 
She said your name sternly, forcing your eyes to snap to hers. Her usual chipper demeanor was replaced with that ‘mother’ look, her lips pursed and eyes narrowed. 
“Something is going on,” she pressed. “Could have something to do with Mr. Miller?”
“Maybe,” you mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of your dress. 
“You did it, huh?” She raised a brow. 
You exhaled heavily, nodding your head—no point in lying now. 
“We talked on the phone the entire break, and when I got home, he insisted on taking me on a date. Then one thing led to another… and yeah, we had sex.”
Maria squealed, clapping her hands and grinning wide. You stared at her blankly, unamused by her reaction to your words. 
“This isn’t a good thing, Maria,” you said pointedly. 
“Why wouldn’t it be? You’re finally putting yourself out there! Oh my god, was it good?” 
“It was,” you sighed. “It was good—really good. He’s so sweet and caring.”
“I feel like there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere,” she interjected. 
“But I can’t let it go any further,” you finished. 
Maria leaned forward and placed her hand on your knee. 
“Does he make you happy?” She asked softly. 
“So fucking happy, Maria. I hate it.”
“You deserve to be happy, sweetie. That’s all I’ve been saying for years, and now you have it! Don’t force it to fail before it even begins. I saw the way he looked at you at the father-daughter dance. You can’t fake that.”
“I know. I know. I just—ugh,” you slid off the desk with a groan. “He’s too good for me. I’m still trying to get over Bennett and everything that happened. He doesn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of all my misery. That’s not fair to him.” 
You were pacing around the room, your eyes darting between the science posters hanging along the walls of Maria’s classroom. You heard her desk chair scrape against the floor as she approached you. She gripped you by the shoulders and leveled you with a heavy stare, but her eyes remained soft. 
“He’s still around, right? I don’t think he’s going anywhere, sweetie. If anything, I think he’s in it for the long haul.”
You didn’t know how to respond, so you leaned into her, letting her wrap you up in a motherly embrace. She rubbed circles against your back, hushing you as you wept quietly. 
The rest of the day passed by in a numbing blur. You packed your things quietly and headed to your car, ready to drown yourself in a glass of wine. 
Joel’s truck was parked in front of your house as you turned the corner onto your street. His tall figure was leaning against the driver’s door; his eyes focused on your car as you pulled into the driveway. You inhaled sharply before putting your car in park, mentally preparing yourself for whatever anger he might unleash. 
You barely shut the car door before Joel had his arms around you, tugging you into a warm embrace. You couldn’t make sense of it; why wasn’t he mad? He should be angry at you. 
“Joel?” you whispered, your fingers twisting into his shirt. He smelt of cedarwood and smoke, the lingering scent of the workday still on his clothes. 
“I was so fuckin’ worried ‘bout you,” he muttered into your hair. “Been tryin’ to get ahold of you all day.”
“I left my phone at home this morning,” you explained. “I listened to your voicemails from last night. I’m sorry I didn’t call back. I was just running late this morning.”
“Why didn’t you pick up last night?’ He asked, pulling away. 
“I needed some space. I’m just trying to figure this all out. I want you—I want this. I just don’t know how to be fully vulnerable. I know that’s silly to say since I’ve cried every time I’ve seen you.” You laughed at the thought of it.
“You coulda just told me that, baby. I would’ve understood,” Joel sighed. 
“You’re not mad at me?” 
“Of course not,” he smiled softly. “Had me worryin’ like crazy, but I ain’t mad. I know this is all new, and you’re scared. Just don’t shut me out, ‘kay? I wanna talk to you and understand what’s goin’ on with you. I told you I wanna work on it with you.”
“I’m s—.”
Joel was pressing his lips against yours before you could say those two words. The kiss was all-consuming and tender, strong enough to erase every thought in your mind. Your mouths moved in unison, tongues intertwined and exploring. It was dizzying to be kissed this fervently; the first kiss couldn’t hold a torch to this moment. You tangled your fingers into the curls at the base of his neck, slanting your lips to open yourself even more to him. Joel’s hands twisted into the fabric of your dress that hugged your hips and pulled you tighter against his body. You whimpered at the feeling of his cock straining in his jeans, and he hauled you upwards until you were wrapping your legs around his waist. 
Spinning you around, he pinned you to the metal of your car door, breaking away from your mouth to kiss down your neck. Was it possible to be branded by a dozen kisses? He left a trail of sweltering kisses over every exposed part of your upper body, and all you could do was pant and moan helplessly. To hell with the neighborhood and their lingering eyes; the world around you could collapse, and you’d still be clinging to his body. 
“I told you I didn’t wanna hear those apologies,” Joel muttered against the hollow of your neck. 
“What are you gonna do about it, Joel?” You moaned, his teeth grazing your collarbone. 
“All I want right now is to hear you screamin’ my name, so you better invite me inside before I fuck you right here.”
“Jesus Christ,” you whispered.
“Wrong name, baby.”
With one strong arm braced around your back and a firm hand on your ass, Joel carried you out of the driveway and through the open garage. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses against the bare patches in his beard. Joel stumbled into the living room and sat you on the edge of the couch. You clung to him, refusing to lay back, too afraid to disconnect from his body. There was something so addicting, so right about being in his arms—almost familiar. 
“Y’look so beautiful in this dress, baby,” Joel breathed. “Turn around.”
You unattached yourself from him, spinning until your thighs pushed against the leather of the couch. Joel’s hands roamed over your calves, dragging your dress up until it piled against your lower back. You gasped as his fingers tore apart your underwear, the scraps falling down your legs and piling at your feet. It was embarrassing how wet you were already, your slick coating your inner thighs. 
“Joel,” you whined as he swiped a finger through your wet folds.
“Use your words,” he hummed, slowly pushing in two fingers.
“I need you, Joel.” He curled his fingers against the spot that left you breathless, coaxing you to speak more. “Need it rough—please.” 
You needed to feel how bad he needed you; you needed to show him you wanted him, even if it meant doing it without saying it aloud.
“Y’want it rough, baby? I can do that. If it’s too much, you tell me, okay?”
“Okay,” you exhaled. 
Joel pulled his fingers from you, bringing them to your mouth and smearing your arousal over your parted lips. You hummed as you tasted yourself, pushing your ass back into him. You heard the clang of his belt and the soft sound of his jeans hitting the floor before he swiped his cock across your slick entrance.
“Don’t be gentle,” you moaned.
“Anythin’ you want, baby.”
That was all he said before splitting you open, the fullness of his cock inside you robbing you of all the breath in your lungs. Joel kept his hips flush with yours, his fingertips drifting down the fabric of your dress covering your spine. 
“Joel,” you whined. 
You shifted yourself onto the tips of your toes, nudging yourself back until the tip of his cock rubbed against the right spot inside you. You mewled at the sensation, wiggling your hips to find some sort of relief from the pleasure churning inside your stomach.
“Impatient, baby?” Joel teased.
He moved against you slowly, letting you adjust to his size. You had been in such a haze last time you hadn’t realized how big he actually was, but now you felt every glorious inch of him inside you. You let out another frustrated whimper, and Joel responded with an onslaught of forceful thrusts. Your body shoved further into the couch, your midsection rubbing against the edge every time Joel snapped his hips against yours. 
Joel’s hand snaked around your neck, drawing you back into his chest, the angle of his cock spearing deeper inside you. Your wails turned to sobs as you listened to Joel grunting harder behind you, his fingers squeezing rhythmically around your throat. 
“That’s it, baby,” Joel crooned. “That’s it. Doin’ so well for me.”
You gasped for air as the desire coiling within your core became agonizing and all-consuming. Your fingers wrapped around his hand holding you up, clawing at his skin as his thrusts became erratic and determined. You were teetering on the edge of euphoria, your body buzzing with pleasure. 
“Touch yourself, baby,” Joel whispered into your ear. 
You fought against your dress to find your clit, the instant connection of your fingers causing you to cry out. Joel’s mouth ravaged your neck, sucking marks into the skin as you drew tantalizing circles over the sensitive bud. It was right there— that explosive pleasure bubbling under the surface. 
“Don’t stop,” you begged, your voice strained under his grip. “Don’t—right there. Right there, Joel!”
Joel quickened the pace, your eyes blurring as your orgasm raced through your veins and set your nerves ablaze. Your sex clenched around his cock, forcing him to slow his thrusts as he groaned into your ear. 
“S’fuckin’ good, baby,” he punched out, releasing your neck.
“More,” you heaved. 
“Think y’can take it?” He asked, pinning you down onto the couch cushions.
“Just want you, Joel,” you said. Your words were muffled into the couch as you exhaled, “Want everything with you.” 
You didn’t know if Joel heard you, and you prayed he didn’t. Your brain was lost in some euphoric haze, dizzying you and your ability to control your emotions. Joel knew every part of your body, like the back of his hand. He knew exactly what you needed and what you wanted, and it was so confusing. 
But all your thoughts grew quiet as the lewd sounds of your arousal and his ragged breathing echoed around the house. Joel’s hand pressed into your hair as he pushed you further into the couch. Bent over this way, you were entirely at his mercy, putty in his hands, and helpless. 
“Swear y’were fuckin’ made for me, baby,” Joel grunted. “You’re mine, baby. Mine.”
“Yours,” you cried. “I’m—.”
You couldn’t finish your sentence as Joel seized up, choking out your name as he spilled into you. His body slumped over yours, the weight of his chest heavy against your back. The hammering of his heart matched yours as you both recovered in silence, the house growing quiet aside from your labored breathing. 
“Too rough?” Joel muttered into your hair. 
You shifted your face to the side, rewarded by his lips pressing into your cheek. 
“Perfect,” you sighed. “It was perfect.”
“You weren’t lyin’ when you said you weren’t a fan of vanilla, huh?” Joel chuckled, pulling out of you. 
You slumped further into the couch, laughing softly. 
“I was talking about cake, Joel. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“Sure you were, baby. Stay right there, okay?”
You heard his footsteps disappear toward your bedroom, the distant sound of water turning on and off floating down the hallway. A second later, Joel was behind you again, the cool touch of a towel making you jerk away in shock. He gently rubbed the cloth over your inner thighs, taking extra caution of your sore entrance. You’d feel him everywhere tomorrow, and you didn’t hate that for some reason—you wanted the reminder of him. 
“C’mere,” Joel urged, helping you stand. 
He pulled you over to the couch, curling you into his arms and bracing you against his chest. Joel intertwined his fingers with yours, his breathing evening out as you shimmed further into his embrace. Maybe it was the sex, maybe it was just being around him, but all your doubts and worries seemed to fade away. It was just this moment; you and him with limbs entangled together. 
“Tell me somethin’ no one knows about you,” Joel whispered. 
“Only if you tell me something in return.”
“Of course, baby.”
You paused, considering all the possibilities of what you could share. You had forgotten pieces of yourself over the years, the layers of heartbreak and trauma suffocating the person you once were. You still weren’t sure if that girl you had once been was still inside you. 
“I hate pancakes,” you said.
Joel laughed, his body shaking behind you as you buried your head into the couch. 
“Pancakes? Really?” He teased. 
“I just don’t like them!” You defended. 
“Y’gonna tell me why?”
“I don’t know,” you grumbled. “They’re just too sweet.”
“So y’don’t like sugar in your coffee, and y’think pancakes are too sweet,” Joel mused. “What do you like?”
“Don’t tease me, Joel.”
His fingers prodded your sides, forcing you to shriek at the contact. You hated to be tickled and hated it even more when he kept you pinned to your chest with nowhere to go. You rolled toward him, squirming against his touch. Joel leaned in to kiss you softly, muffling your protests as you settled into his arms. 
“Your turn,” you sighed. 
“Hmm, well, I like pancakes.”
“Be serious, Joel,” you frowned. 
“Okay, okay. I love watchin’ cartoons.”
You giggled, watching that grin stretch across his face. 
“Been watchin’ them with Sarah since she was a kid,” he chuckled. “I still do sometimes, even if she ain’t home.” 
“That’s cute,” you smiled.
You brought your fingers to his face, scratching at the stubble covering his chin and jaw. Joel’s eyes shut as your touch drifted over the patchy spots, your fingertips drawing circles in the places his beard disconnected. 
“Tell me somethin’ else,” he said.
“I think you’re really handsome.”
It was a quick response—almost too fast—but you couldn’t swallow back the words. You glanced up at him, peeking through your lashes to see his brown eyes soften. 
“Handsome, huh?”
“Well, I can’t call you cute,” you scrunched your nose. “It doesn’t fit you. I like handsome more.”
“I like it,” he smiled. “Call me handsome all y’want.”
You dragged him to your mouth, saying everything you couldn’t form into words. Joel moved with you, his head tilting and mouth molding to yours. He made everything feel so simple; maybe that’s what scared you. It was too easy with him—falling into this idyllic routine. Joel mumbled your name, pulling himself reluctantly from your lips. You chased one more kiss and settled back into his chest. 
“Did you know it’s good luck when it rains on your wedding day?” You thought out loud.
Joel tensed up, his arms flexing around you. 
“Superstition says it means your marriage will last,” you continued. “I’ve always thought it was funny, you know? I used to believe in that before my wedding, but after that, I figured everyone had lied to me.”
“Baby,” Joel whispered. 
“No, it’s okay. There’s a point to this, I promise.”
“Tell me,” he urged softly.
“I think the rain was good luck. Maybe not in the way people think, but I don’t think Bennett and I were meant to get married. My sister hated me for going through with it. We didn’t really talk once Bennett and I got engaged. Everyone warned me about him; they told me he wasn’t who I should be with. I was so stubborn to make things work. He—he was there for me during a really awful time in my life. I thought I owed it to him to stay.
“But then here you are, and it makes me re-think everything. The rain? It’s still good luck, just in a different way. I wasn’t meant to be with him because maybe… maybe I was meant to be with you.”
Joel was painfully quiet, his eyebrows furrowing together as he closed his eyes. Oh, fuck. You had rambled out everything you were scared to say, and now it was biting you in the ass. This was why you were too afraid to acknowledge your feelings: the rejection. Joel didn’t see it the same way; he didn’t think of you in the same way, and you just made a complete idiot of yourself. 
“Shit, I’m sorry,” you muttered, trying to pry yourself out of his grip. You kept the tears at bay, trying not to let yourself succumb to the heartbreak shattering inside you. 
Joel’s hands wrangled you back to his chest, his eyes leveling with yours. You inhaled sharply as his fingers brushed away the rogue tears falling down your cheeks. 
“There ain’t a doubt in my mind y’were meant for me, baby. I’m thankin’ God every day for bringin’ you into my life,” Joel confessed. “I know this is all new, but I promise to keep provin’ myself because whatever this is between us, it’s real.”
“It’s real,” you echoed. 
“Don’t run away from me,” Joel pleaded. “Gimmie all the good and bad stuff. I swear I can handle it.”
“What if you get tired of me? What if I’m not enough?” You rambled. 
“I could never get tired of you, baby. If anythin’, I keep wantin’ more.”
You snuggled further into his embrace, inhaling his scent as you pressed your nose into his chest. Joel ran a hand through your hair, his fingers catching on a few knots left from earlier. 
“What’d you mean when you said he was there for you durin’ somethin’ awful?” Joel asked after a beat of silence. 
Flashes of the crash came back into your mind, or at least the ones you could recall. You squeezed your eyes shut as your nightmares began to see the light of day. It was a memory you never liked to revisit.
“Easy,” your mom whispered. “Easy, honey. Don’t move too much, okay? Take it slow.”
Your eyes fluttered open, the harsh lights above you burning into your retinas as you tried to adjust to the room fading into the forefront. You were tucked into a hospital bed, IVs and tubes sticking out of both arms. Your head was pounding, and everything hurt. That’s all you could focus on. Everything hurt so fucking bad.
“Bennett?” You croaked, searching the room. 
Your mom, dad, Beth, and Stella were all grouped around the foot of the bed, their eyes glassy with tears. Bennett was nowhere to be found. Beth’s fear-stricken eyes shifted from your mom to your dad before she bolted from the room.
“I’m going to go get the doctor,” your mom announced, turning and leaving the room.
Stella shifted uncomfortably and promptly followed, leaving your dad alone at the foot of your bed.
“How’re you feeling, peanut?” He asked, rounding to the side of your bed.
“Pain,” you cried softly.
“It’s gonna be okay,” he assured. “It’s all gonna be okay.”
“Baby?” Joel said cautiously. 
“S–sorry,” you mumbled. “I don’t know if I really want to talk about it.”
Joel’s brows scrunched together, his eyes staring at you with concern. You turned away from him, lifting yourself from the couch. Pacing the living room, you stared blankly at your bookshelf beside your entertainment center, still collecting dust after two years. You heard Joel shift against the couch behind you and glanced back to see him staring at you intensely. Anxiety was thrumming in your chest the longer you stood in front of him, too many thoughts reeling inside your mind. You never talked about the accident; you didn’t want to be reminded of what had been the catalyst in your relationship's failure. Because that’s what it was. You owed everything to Bennett for sticking by your side through it all, and in the end, you weren’t enough. Nothing you did was enough to salvage what had been your life with him before it all.
“Hey,” Joel exhaled. “C’mere.”
“I—I need a minute,” you cried.
You bolted from the living room and went down the hall, gasping for air when you reached the edge of your bed. The room was spinning as you dropped your head in your hands, the nausea surging up inside you the longer you stayed stuck in the memory. You needed out of it; you needed out. You needed—.
Joel rushed into the room, falling to his knees in front of you as he said your name over and over to coax you out of the trance. Nothing was working. Your head was throbbing in pain, and you couldn’t work around it. 
“Breathe with me, baby,” Joel whispered. “Breathe.”
You heaved in a lung full of air, only to choke on it and gag back the nausea crawling up your throat. Joel rubbed his hands over your thighs, the sensation of his touch jarring you enough to make you cringe. 
“It’s gonna be okay,” he crooned, a distant echo of your dad's words. “It’s okay.”
The shrilling sound of your phone ringing pulled you both from the moment, and you crawled over the bed to grab it. 
Beth
“Fuck,” you groaned. “I can’t—I can’t answer it.”
“Give it to me, I’ll do it,” Joel offered with an outstretched hand. 
You practically tossed it at him while you crumpled into the sheets with your hands clutching your head. 
“Hello?” He answered with a brief pause before he said, “This is Joel.”
Silence.
“Fuck, okay. Gimmie a second,” he replied.
“Baby, she needs to talk to you,” Joel said.
You stifled your cries before taking your phone from his hand, already hearing Beth’s frantic voice on the other end of the receiver. 
“Beth, what is it?” You asked, your body shaking. 
“It’s dad, sis. You’ve got to come home, okay?”
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lucabyte · 3 days
Note
obligatory ramble about postcanon loop ask
also your art is amazing
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Hiiiiiiiii :D thank you :)!!
and thank you for the excuse to post the. just absolute wall of text that i truncated down to form the tags of that post. (i did,,, hit the tag limit. i forgot tumblr had one of those...) so let me just paste that and tidy it up a bit...
I am putting this under a readmore because it's a bit long. but:
This is like. The General Context for all* of my postcanon doodles? (Except AUs obviously) Like this is the base idea I've been drawing them all in. So, feel free to backread with this in mind. I've basically had this 'postcanon' timeline set in my brain since finishing the game...
My general thoughts are that I like the idea of Loop (even if through dubiously ethical means) being able to slowly reintegrate with the party as a whole new person, because they are, in fact, their own person.
It's a muddle of thematic threads im pulling on and "wouldn't it be fucked up if", but. (at its core, it's powered by the fact that like, while narratively isat's theme of 'the only person who can truly take the first step to help you is yourself'. (wrt: loop helping the party help siffrin in act 5) which i LOVE AND IS GREAT NARRATIVELY…. would be super fucked up irl to learn that your friend 'learned as a lesson' while you stood by kinda uselessly. I know i'd be upset about it. but thats mostly background here. doesn't really come up. at least not until loop has to explain who they are and the party realises they had to fall back on literally themselves again for help, but i digress,)
The real core concept is: Occam's razor. It is like, inherently, a buckwild thing to accuse a person of being somehow a clone or copy of your friend. Even if they start vaguely alluding to a backstory it's far more likely they were some other person before all that. (I still think Odile has that theory in the back pocket but she's rational enough to know it's a really long shot without a solid explanation. and i think Loop deep down knows this, and would, if cornered into confessing, turn the situation around to go J'ACCUSE and make HER explain it instead. Ever longer dodging being direct with their emotions...)
And the party are nice! And if someone has changed and wants to keep stuff secret it's kind of not their business? (Though it's hard not to speculate… see: the main joke of the doodles) And they seem important to Siffrin so they just try to accept them abrasive quirks and all. And eventually the question of their prior identity just fades away since, well, they're Loop. Their friend Loop.
but yeah. personal headcanon is that a few months/weeks after picking up and getting aquainted with Nille** (since that was presumably the IMMEDIATE TASK postgame), Loop reappears (either after a literal period of nonexistance, or just spending a few months wandering the french countryside alone being attacked by wild dogs). Since Siffrin has had a while to be therapised by the party they're doing mostly okay, but Loop showing up and still being agitated/aggressive pulls them both into a bit of a backslide behaviourally and puts the party on the back foot again.
Hooowever, I do think that due to no longer being literally stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time together, the two do mostly actually sort themselves out with productive conversation. (Via a cycle of: genuinely distressing argument -> weeeird lovebombing -> ok we're good -> repeat, that gets less intense over time)
Thus, allowing the party to just. Integrate loop as a new person. They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches (Loop taking over stuff Siffrin is now too squeamish for, etc (see: hunting, mostly)), and while it's not exactly what Loop wanted they generally get that beggars can't be choosers and it's a pretty good deal. And the rest of the party does straight up just like them as a friend, especially when Loop quits trying to actively antagonise them after a few weeks of being around them, since they just can't keep up being mean to people they like forever.
As for how I think the truth eventually drags itself out. This is where I invoke The Isabeau Torment Nexus™. So its gonna get shippy here for a bit hold on.
Which is, I think giving them time before Loop reappears long enough that Siffrin and Iseabeau actually manage to become established, Isabeau has to be the one to nudge the pair of them and go. "Hey. You know we're in Vaugarde right. I'm okay with polyamory if we all communicate." Before Loop and Siffrin actually even acknowledge that whatever the fuck they have going on kinda looks a lot like a relationship of some kind. (or have already been agonising about that via fighting and arguing, depending) (Obviously this comes after Isa "Emotionally intelligent enough to keep a lid on the jealousy" Beau has managed to use that big brain of his to Not just go Scream somewhere on the daily because oh godddd they keep talking like theyre suicide-baiting each other jesus chriiist. is it overstepping his boundaries to bring that up?? god)
This, taking a bunch of the tension out of Loop and Isabeau's relationship (Since I imagine Loop is a. being weird for the obvious reasons and b. feeling kinda guilty about 'getting in the way of' Siffrin and Iseabeau), allows them to actually get close in a normal friend way. (I think an interesting turning point could be Isabeau actually taking Loop's side in an argument vs Siffrin, which would absolutely break Loop's brain. Especially if it's an argument that matters. Like what do you mean he isn't just going to play favourites. What?)
Then Isabeau, just actually open minded and charmed by Loop (and maybe even somewhat at Siffrin's suggestion?) tries to close the final open side on the polyamory triangle here and that's the final straw for Loop on "This lie by omission is too unethical to keep up, this is just actually sick and wrong. I can't do this while he doesn't know who I am." Though. Obviously it probably goes. Very poorly with emotions high like that. And the added element of several months of deceit. Getting dark here for a second but that dagger is going MISSING and so are THEY for a hot minute.
Then yaaay everything works out in the end 👍 yippieee!! all it took was maybe a lot of harrowed recontextualisation of all the weird shit your new friend said and did when it turns out they're your old friend. It's fine.
But yeah. this is basically the context all of my postcanon doodles have existed within? And those exist to give other people something to chew on. So this does too.
I suppose TL;DR: Imagine if sloopis almost fucking happens before isabeau knows who loop is. can you fucking imagine. can you imagine having to navigate that. nightmare.
*Yes this includes the implied cannibalism comic. Uhh. Comes part and parcel with headcanoning that Loop went way off the deep end similar to A5 Sif But Maybe Worse before giving in. Add weepy half-asleep confessions to murder wherever you see fit in your mind palace. 👍👍👍
**Re: Nille footnote. I don't have anywhere to put this besides here! I have some thoughts on Loop and Nille having an odd dynamic. I don't imagine Nille to be super gung-ho on trusting a bunch of adults (even if they are majority around her age) given their implied backstory. It's probably a big shock to the system, especially since Bambouche is a good couple hundred Kilometers up north from Dormont and these guys don't seem to have trains. She would've been unfrozen and without Bonnie for some time....
Which is to say: I think she's suspicious of them. I think she may be looking for excuses to distance herself, keep Bonnie safe. SO.... A new guy showing up? And antagonising the party? What do they know that I don't...? I should find out.
And since... Loop didn't ever know Nille, they have no ammunition or real reason to be cruel. Plus, if they're trying to stay on Bonnie's good side (SINCE... if Bonnie thought Loop was cringe they may as well kill themselves. In their mind.) they SUPER have no reason to antagonise Nille.
Mostly, they might be able to open up to each other easier than they can the rest of the party?
I feel like this resolves with Loop feeling compelled to apologise for what they and Siffrin let happen to Bonnie, though... Hmm... Depends on how you interpret Nille that they'd be glad nobody else had been told about that yet, or furious it had been secret this long. I lean toward the former.
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priceyprice · 3 days
Text
Part 1 , Part 2
"Ghost, 'you there?"
Price said as he opened the door of Ghost's room, not finding surprising that his lieutenant was there instead in his house.
Ghost, who was sitting in a chair with his back facing the door, didn't even move at his captain voice calling him.
The older man sighed when his eyes landed on the glass of whiskey that he was holding. He entered, closing the door quietly. The room was only illuminated with just a dim light, giving the quiet man a more intimidating aura. If Price didn't know him, it would cause him a little surprise(not intimidation since Price has seen worse things than a guy with a skull mask).
He sat on his bed with his hands on his knees in front of Ghost, who hadn't taken his eyes off something he was holding.
"How much longer are you going to stay here? Do you know you have a home waitin' for ya'?"
Ghost finally stopped looking at the thing he had in his hand to look at his captain, who was with his brows furrowed but not in an angry expression.
" 'don't have a home."
My home was taken away the moment she went MIA.
His breathing began to grow more paused. That awful and familiar heavy feeling rose up from his chest through all his body. His fingers slowly put more pressure on his glass. The mask was down, he served himself a glass of whiskey to try and swallow that bitter sensation he always have when he thinks about her, but that didn't worked and caused him to lose interest in drinking that night.
Price just looked at him, not that look he always gives as a soldier, but as a friend that's worried about him. "Look, Simon. I know you want her back. Believe me, everyone wants her back. The team hasn't been the same since she left, but you can't let your emotions win the best of you. She wouldn't like you to be here drinking and swallowing your sorrow while having a home waiting for ya'."
Simon's eyes dropped to the petal he was holding in his hand. So soft and delicate, just like her eyes, her body, and her soul. He found it when he was taking a little stroll on his backyard, noticing the little red petal beside the flower he always looked at every day.
That was her flower.
She loved that flower so much. The instant she went MIA, he took responsibility for it. He would talk to it every day, as if the red flower would give him answers and tell him where she is.
His heart dropped when he saw the petal on the floor as a signal of losing hope.
A signal that he will never find her.
A signal that she will never return to him.
Ghost sighed. A shaky sigh. His world threatening to fall at any moment. The pillars that supported the last bit of sanity in his mind have started to grow cracks at the bases.
"Earlier today..." Ghost paused, trying to formulate his words. "I went to one of the old warehouses of the guy that kidnapped her owns. As I was searching for something that could lead me to her, I killed a few guys who worked for him. I also tortured two, but neither of them fucking knows a woman from the military in hands of that motherfucker."
Price sucked a breath as he hears those words, his pulse raising at an abnormal speed. Ghost didn't notify him that he was going to do something so dangerous without permission of his superiors.
That could cost the Captain's and the Lieutenant's job right there and then.
Instead of yelling or telling him that he's suspended for a least a month because of his reckless actions, Price just closed his eyes for a few seconds before he took the bottle of whiskey that was on the lieutenant's nightstand and drank a big shot of it.
Fuck, that's going to be a lot of paperwork for his ass.
Ghost passed his thumb over the petal, so lightly, afraid of breaking the little thing. It was almost as if somehow that red petal has some connection with her, and she can feel it.
He sighed again.
He missed her so much.
Price cleared his throat. His grip on the bottle tightened. "What did you do with the bodies?"
"I burned them."
Price just dropped his head low, probably thinking of his life choices before he took another sip from the bottle with those words. This time, he didn't stop drinking, trying to vanish with alcohol all the consequences and thoughts that were passing through his mind.
Ghost wasn't worried about the consequences or anything that came with his actions. When they took her away from him, a part of Simon died that day, only to be replaced with a void that would not go away until she's back. So, he gave those guys their destiny.
They are all gonna burn in hell.
And he will make sure of it.
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
Masterlist here
I apologize for some grammatical errors. Any suggestions are welcomed. 🫶🏻
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jordyn14 · 15 hours
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Hey
Can you please write a Joe x wife reader where Joe and reader have been trying to get pregnant for a while and then reader finds out their pregnant and tells Joe in a cute way and he can’t contain his happiness
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Pairing: Joe Burrow x fem first person
Words: 1600
Notes: since it’s my bday week and I’m having so much fun writing, I’m trying to get out fics a little faster this week! :)) thanks for the Request. <3
My eyes filled with tears as soon as I flipped over the pregnancy test and saw those two blue lines on the ClearBlue test. For 7 whole months Joe and I have been trying to get pregnant. We started after our wedding, hoping to see those two blue lines within two weeks, but two weeks turned into a month, and one into seven. Every single time we flipped over that test and saw one line and not two, we tried our best to stay positive, but it was hard. There were so many tears and I felt like we should just give up. I didn’t know how many more times I could take Joe’s same speech over and over again about how no matter how long it took, we would have our little family one day.
But now I was pregnant. I didn’t have to look into Joe’s eyes and tell him we weren’t pregnant for the millionth time. I didn’t have to stare into Joe’s blue eyes while he tried to hold back tears of sadness and watch as the hope was slowly draining from him.
As I looked up at myself in the mirror, tears rolled down my face and onto the counter under me. I was going to be a mom. It felt surreal to look at my stomach and realize that there was a little growing baby inside. I put my shaking hand over my mouth and I couldn’t stop looking at those 2 blue lines and at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t believe it. I felt like I was on top of the world and thinking about telling Joe in just a couple of hours when he came home from practice overjoyed me. “I’m pregnant.” I told myself, not able to contain my excitement.
For the next two hours, time seemed to be going so slow. Every time I looked at my phone and expected a half an hour to pass, only ten minutes passed. I was restless. I wanted to tell Joe so badly. I wanted to see the look on his face when he realized he was going to be a dad in just nine months. Not only were we going to be parents together, but I would get to raise a child with the most amazing man ever who isn’t just easy on the eyes, but is an incredibly person inside and out.
When I finally got the text from Joe saying he was on his way home, I practically sprinted upstairs and to my nightstand drawer where I kept a little mini Joe Burrow jersey and laid that down on the bed with the test on it. From the moment we started trying to get pregnant, I knew that I wanted to surprise him with his little jersey for our little son or daughter to wear when they’re born.
I sat on the bed and tried to pick through my different emotions. I was nervous, anxious, happy, worried, but mostly excited. Excited to be a mom. Excited to start our little family. From the moment I fell in love with Joe, I knew I wanted to create a family with him and now that was becoming a reality. Before we knew it, we’d have a little mini Burrow running around the house acting like a fool, and I couldn’t wait. Hey, maybe I was even carrying twins.
Before I knew it, I heard the front door swing open and just like clockwork, Joe said, “I’m home.” As soon as he said this, I couldn’t hold back the tears and started to cry some more. I just couldn’t contain the excitement. “Jordyn?” Joe called out, sounding a little worried, wondering why I wasn’t running over to give him a hug and ask him how his day was like usual. I wiped off a tear and sniffled back the tears a little bit. “Up here.” I answered him and stood up to meet him by the door. As I walked to the door frame, I could hear Joes footsteps getting closer and closer. My heart beat so incredibly fast in my chest and I couldn’t stop smiling.
As soon as Joe came into view and saw me crying, he dropped the bag that he was holding immediately. “hey, hey, are you okay?” He asked me and wrapped my in his arms. One hand was placed around my waist, pulling me closer to him, and the other was placed on the back of my head. With a smile, I wrapped my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his hair he decided to grow out for the season. “Everything is more than okay, Joey.” I said. Once I said this, Joe pulled back to look me in the eyes and once he did, I noticed the slightly confused look on his face.
Leaning forwards, I placed a small kiss on joes lips and then let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding in. “Go look on the bed.” I said. Joe looked past me and at the bed and noticed something laying on it, but I could tell he was still confused. Dropping my arms from around Joes neck, he slowly let go of me as well and walked closer to the bed. I followed after him, waiting for him to realize that he was going to be a dad.
A small gasp left Joe’s lips as the realization that I was pregnant set in. I couldn’t help but smile as he reached down and grabbed the pregnancy test. After a few seconds, I walked to the side of him and watched as he ran his fingers over the mini jersey while holding the pregnancy test in his other hand. As I studied Joe’s face, I started to get nervous. There was almost no emotion or expression on his face. What if he changed his mind about kids? What if he didn’t want me to be pregnant right now.
Before I started to freak myself out more, Joe looked over at me with those gorgeous, tear filled blue eyes. “Oh wow.” Joe said simply as his bottom lip began to quiver slightly. I sucked in a breath at his reaction and started to cry more myself. Joe put his hand on his chest and took a step back, taking everything in. He kept looking at me, then the pregnancy test, me, then the pregnancy test. “I’m going to be a dad?” Joe asked me excitedly. “You’re going to be a dad.” I said, wiping off a tear that streamed down my cheek. The both of us started crying more as he closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me. Without me expecting it, he picked me up off of the ground gently and spun around in a circle, a little excited laugh leaving his mouth. I giggled while up in the air before he placed me back down on the ground.
Once down on the ground, we both held each other so incredibly tightly, so overwhelmed with the news. I buried my head in Joe’s chest and I could tell he was crying quietly. Unlike every other time we flipped the test over, they were happy and relieved tears. After so long of trying and feeling like nothing would work, he was finally going to be a dad. “I can’t believe this,” Joe said and pulled his head back, revealing his red eyes and nose, “our little baby’s in here right now.” He said, letting out a deep breath while looking down at my stomach.
It was hard for me to talk because of the tears. I opened my mouth to say something, but I knew if I tried to talk I would cry harder. With a smile, Joe took his hands off of me for a second and swiped his thumbs under my eyes to catch the tears before holding my face gently in his hands. He nodded with a small smile, letting me know he understood what I wanted to say. Letting go of Joe, I did the same thing and swiped under his eyes, getting a laugh out of both of us before gently grabbing his wrists, the both of us just gazing into each other’s eyes. I took a deep breath and let it out with a small laugh.
“We’re gonna be parent’s, Joey. Can you believe it?” I asked him. Joe just shook his head and looked back at the pregnancy test. “No. No, not really.” He chuckled and sniffled a little. “At least we know why you were sick this morning before I left for practice.” Joe said. “I totally thought it was those crab legs, they looked a little bit odd.” I giggled. Joe laughed and nodded. “They did look a bit funky didn’t they?” As we looked into each others eyes, Joe looked at me like I was the most beautiful, fragile, perfect women on the entire planet before closing the distance and placing a kiss on my lips. When we pulled away, we rested our foreheads together while making eye contact. “I love you…and our baby,” Joe said and looked down at my stomach, “more than anything in the entire universe.” Joe said. “Even SpongeBob?” I joked with him. “Yes, even SpongeBob.” Joe laughed and nodded. “Well in that case, I love you…and this baby,” I said and glanced down at my stomach like Joe did, “more than anything in the entire universe as well Joseph Lee Burrow.” I said.
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underground-secret · 2 days
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The Hunter and the Witch~ Dean Winchester x f! reader
Description: Sam's nightmare leads the group to Saginaw Michigan. But it's more than a nightmare and it's more than any ol' hunt. Things are revealed about the past as it sends them barreling into the future.
Warnings: Cannon violence, I might have gotten a little too carried away with the beginning scene sorry not sorry! flirtation, banter, mentions of su!cide, gore, mentions of child abuse, mentions of past abuse, guns, a roller coaster of emotions, and a lot of angst (no one can be happy...sorry!)
Tag list: @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @okayiamkassandra , @fablesrose , @ada--44 @bonkydarnes , @star-yawnznn @crazyunsexycool @onlyangel-444 @seninjakitey @mystic-mara
Word Count: 9,912
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Nightmare
(Masterlist, Prev Ch, Next Ch)
I turn over in my bed, burying my head deeper into the pillows to ignore the loud and insistent banging from my door. I mumble incoherently into the covers, sleep having its claws so deep into my brain. “Please open the door, sweetheart. ‘m tryna give you privacy here but if this door isn’t open in five seconds I’m gonna use my key,” Dean warns loudly, his voice raspy. I hum softly into the bedding but make no move to get up, instead snuggling deeper into the blankets. The remains of sleep creep into the corners of my mind, hazing the rest of my brain.
Suddenly a gentle calloused hand is on my bare shoulder, “Come on baby, as much as I wanna let you sleep Sammy needs us to hurry.”
“Mhm,” I hum halfheartedly, digging myself further into the bed if possible. “Alright that’s it,” he says finally. There's some shuffling before the covers are pulled back, a rush of cold air prickling my exposed legs followed by the warmth of his hands dragging up and down my calves slowly before leaving to pull down my slip nightgown further past my butt. That wakes me up. My eyes flutter open, and as much as I loved my little cotton nightgown every time I wore it to bed I woke up to a full tit out and the bottom up at my hips. Luckily this time I didn’t think it rode up so high, it had only felt like it was just barely covering my butt, so at the most, he saw a flash of my underwear which is not the most ideal thing to happen, and also insanely embarrassing but at least I was wearing one of my cute pairs. And at least he didn’t comment on it, except he did pull it down further which means he probably did see…oh god. 
“Okay! I’m awake Dean!” I say, my words half mumbled by the bed but if I turned over he would also be seeing a boob today and he had seen enough already. His hands grip my ankles, his thumbs rubbing my skin, oh lord. No. I have to focus…and not on how butterflies are erupting in my stomach, fluttering around frantically, “Not convinced baby, not until I see you get up,” he conceded. He was really playing with my resolve and it was a very fickle thing to begin with. 
“Yeah, so if I flip myself around you’d be getting flashed. These nightgowns…just you know…” I admit, my face warm for two different reasons. His thumbs pause and I can practically hear the arch of his brow and that devilish smirk, “By all means, continue…”
“Dean,” I warn.
“I really wouldn’t object to it, wouldn’t complain one bit,” he comments, his voice dripping with amusement. “Dean!” His hands leave me entirely and I suddenly miss the warmth he brought, “Alright, alright,” he gives in, “I’ll go, be waitin’ in the car. I’d hurry though Sam’s freaking out about needing to leave but won't say anythin’ more.”
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The initial embarrassment of being woken up the way I was or at least the result of that, as well as being a little “late” had long worn off except for when Dean caught my eyes in the rearview mirror then it all came rushing back. But I needed to screw my head on right, and not get distracted by his playful teasing manner, he was most likely compensating for the fact that he had to say goodbye to the woman he loved again. Ending on good terms aside those feelings don’t just magically disappear especially when it only happened recently. Either way, I was thankful for the nightfall's darkness, because with each gaze my face heated up even if it was against my better judgment. 
I needed to focus.
Sam had his ear pressed into his phone, reading from a fake ID to potentially give real information, “McReady. Detective McReady, badge number 158. I’ve got a signal 480 in progress, I need the registered owner of a two-door sedan, Michigan license plate Mary-Frank-six-zero-three-seven…Yeah okay, just hurry.” 
Dean glances over at his brother, concern written in his eyes, “Sammy relax. I’m sure it’s just a nightmare.”
“Yeah, tell me about it,” Sam remarks. 
“You know considering he was right about your old house I’m pretty much convinced he’s right about this one too,” I add. Dean adjusts his hold on the steering wheel, “It could also just be a dream. Y’know, a normal everyday, naked-in-class, nightmare. This license plate, it won’t check out. You’ll see,” Dean tries to reason though I can't understand why he won’t accept that Sam has been right before and will be right again, my only guess would be fear.
“I mean I suppose,” I shrug, “but even just logically speaking unless you’re lucid dreaming you can’t read in your sleep, as the part of your brain that’s responsible for logic and intellect shuts down. So following that logic, he wouldn’t have been able to read or understand that license plate, that fact must hold some merit here.”
“Alright, maybe he was lucid dreamin’ then,” Dean suggests instead, finding any reason for his brother not to be a psychic. 
“It felt different Dean. Real,” Sam shakes his head, eyes focused as he tries to explain, “Like when I dreamt about the old house and Jessica.” 
“Yeah, that makes sense. You’re dreaming about our house, your girlfriend,” Dean points out, “This guy in your dream, you ever seen him before?”
“No,” Sam responds. 
“It doesn't matter if you've actually seen someone they can still be in your dreams because when you're walking around you're subconsciously watching and cataloging them,” I explain, “Though of course you're most likely to have dreams about people you see or think about more often, but still people you pass in real life can be in your dream.” Dean catches my eyes again in the mirror, gazing at me questioningly, “Why do you know so much about dreams?”
I shrug, “I don't know, it’s interesting so I just go down a rabbit hole of information. Plus there are a lot of psychological aspects to dreams which can make them important to analysis.” Dean shakes his head as if shaking away the information, “So why would he have premonitions about some random dude from Michigan.”
I rub my eyes, tiredness still trying to cling to me to the point of my eyes aching, “Yeah I don’t have an answer to that one.” Dean turns his gaze to his brother, silently asking him the same question, “I don’t know,” he answers. “Me neither,” Dean shrugs with one shoulder though it was more done to prove his point.
“Yes I’m here,” Sam says suddenly, pressing the phone closer to his ear. He goes silent, listening, then throws a glare at Dean and picks up his pen, “Jim Miller. Saginaw, Michigan. ‘You have a street address?… Got it. Thanks.” He moves his phone away from him, clicking a button, most likely hanging up, “Checks out. How far are we?”
“From Saginaw? Coupla hours,” Dean answers. “Drive faster.”
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The Impala cruises to a stop, Emergency vehicles lined up followed by two medical examiners pushing a stretcher with a body bag on it just being zippered. We were late and it was hard to know whether it was by a couple of minutes or hours, but it didn’t matter because we were late and someone was dead. 
We approach the crowd, a couple of neighbors dressed in their pajamas and a coat watching the scene from behind a line of caution tape. “What happened?” Dean asks a nearby woman. 
“Suicide,” she answers, “Can’t believe it.”
“Did you know them?” Sam questions, moving to the woman’s other side. 
She frowns, “‘Saw him every Sunday at St. Augustine’s,” she replies, oversharing to a couple of strangers but it was helpful so there was no way we would tell her to stop, “He always seems…seemed so normal. I guess you never know what’s going on behind closed doors.”
“Guess not,” Dean acknowledges, looking straight ahead.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” I say softly, maybe she didn’t know the guy so well but seeing him weekly still meant something. She nods in thanks. 
“How did…uhh” Sam stammers, “How are they saying it happened?” It was a total conversation turn but once more it was necessary. “I heard they found him in the garage, locked inside his car with the engine running,” she answers. Carbon dioxide poisoning from a car makes it hard for it to be an accident so of course the initial thought would be suicide and I doubt it would be easy to prove otherwise with a death like that. 
“Do you know about what time they found him,” Sam pushes and I hope she doesn’t think we’re being weird about this and asking a little too many questions. “Oh, ‘just happened about an hour or two ago,” she says. Frick, frick that wasn’t long ago at all. “His poor family,” she continues, “I can’t even imagine what they’re going through.” I follow her gaze to a woman standing on the front steps crying against a middle-aged man. A young distraught man stands behind them. I could imagine what they were feeling and it was horrible. Grief was not pretty and those feelings were even uglier, leaving a permanent mark on your heart. 
Someone tugs on my sweatshirt sleeve, I follow the motion watching Dean walk away following his brother who had stormed away. I follow them, making the quick walk to the Impala. 
“Sam we got here as fast as we could,” Dean reasons. 
“Not fast enough,” Sam shakes his head, a pained look painted on his face, “It doesn’t make any sense man. Why would I even have these premonitions if there wasn’t a chance I could stop them from happening.”
I bit my lips, thinking for a moment before speaking, “Maybe it wasn’t about him exactly, like maybe it’s bigger than that. Sometimes that happens, remember what I said about oneiromancy or using dreams to predict the future? Well sometimes it’s not so literal, sometimes it serves as a warning or pointing you in a specific direction for whatever reason. Now I know your whole thing is different and more detailed than that but do you get what I mean?”
He nods, clearly thinking it over. “I don’t know though, I’m no expert but I’m just tryna say to keep it in mind,” I add. He shakes his head and sighs, “So what do you think killed him?”
“Maybe the guy just killed himself?” Dean suggests, “Maybe there’s nothing supernatural going on at all.”
“Then why would he have such a vivid dream of just some random dude dying?” I point out, immediately realizing my contradiction. “I dunno,” Dean shrugs, “Maybe it’s like you said, it’s pointing to somethin’ else.”
“I watched it happen. He was murdered by something. I watched it trap him in the garage,” Sam explains.
“What was it, a spirit, poltergeist, what?” Dean asks in rapid succession. Sam huffs, “I don’t know what it was. I don’t know why I’m having these dreams, I don’t know what the hell is happening!” He was freaking out, totally and utterly freaking out and he had every right to be. “It’s alright Sam,” I say softly, “We’ll figure this out, I promise. ‘No matter how long it takes.”
He sighs, mumbling a “Thanks.” I couldn't imagine what he was feeling, I always knew who I was even if nobody else did. To know one thing your whole life just to be thrown onto a totally new path with no explanation must be terrifying. “What,” Sam says suddenly throwing a look at his brother who was just staring at him. Dean shrugs, “Nothing. I’m just, I’m worried about you man,” he confesses.
“Well don’t look at me like that!” Sam yells. Dean looks away, “I’m not looking at you like anything,” he retorts, glancing back, “Though I gotta say, you do look like crap.”
“Dean. Really?” I say.
“Nice. Thanks,” Sam replies, pursing his lips. With a small smile, Dean moves to the driver's side of the car, pulling the door open, “Come on, let’s just pick this up in the morning. We’ll check out the house, talk to the family.”
“Dean, you saw them, they’re devastated. They’re not going to want to talk to us,” Sam reasons. Dean pauses in thought, “Yeah, you’re right. But I think I know who they will talk to.”
I scoff, “Who?”
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I pull open my motel door, the sun shining brightly behind the man in front of me highlighting his stunning green eyes. His arms are hidden behind his back, “What do you have there?” I ask, squinting at him suspiciously. “Oh, just a little somethin’” he smirks devilishly, gazing down at me. 
“You’re scaring me,” I admit, “I’m scared.”
“Don’t be,” he grins revealing what he was hiding. He holds up a rectangular Halloween costume bag, the classic orange logo on the top, and a blonde woman in a nun costume holding a ruler on the other side. I look between him and the bag his smile never leaving his face a mischievous sparkle in his eye, “Sam and I are going as Preiests so we need our nun,” he explains.
“Tell me you're joking,” I say blankly, my face falling.
“Not at all sweetheart.”
I huff a laugh, pointing at the bag, “I’m not wearing that.”
“You gotta,” he replies.
“No offense to the nuns of the world, but I would rather be shot dead than wear that.”
“‘Cause it’s not cute?” Dean asks though it comes off more like a statement as he knows my answer. “Yes,” I answer flatly, “I’m not wearing that.”
“Maybe I shoulda picked up the slutty one,” he retorts, thinking he got me there. I cross my arms across my chest, wetting my lips, “You should’ve, ‘be good for Halloween,” I counter. Checkmate. He drags his eyes across my frame. my face heats up, “While I’d love to see to that, Halloween is months away and you’re being ridiculous.”
“Still not wearing it,” I say as sternly as I can manage, which isn’t very considering my mind trying to compute what he said. “Come on,” he grumbles, “what am I gonn’ do with a nun costume now?” He pushes past me, stepping deeper into the room. I close the door, turning around, “I don't know, return it? Or use it for one of your one-night stands, I’m sure you’ll find someone kinky enough.”
He looks at me blankly, deadpanning, “You’re wearing it.”
“No”
“Yes”
“No”
“Yes”
“I’ll just sit this one out, wait in the car or something ‘till you’re done,” I say.
“You’re wearing it,” he repeats.
“No”
“Yes”
“You’re not winning this one!” I throw my hands up.
“Y/N come on!”
“No!”
He groans, annoyed, “If you wear it I’ll buy you whatever book you want.”
Oh. I mean it’s only a couple of minutes of embarrassment and ugly clothing, “Okay, deal. Fine.” His wide grin returns, he throws the bag at me and I catch it, looking down at it with disgust. “‘Not gonna bite sweetheart,” Dean says as he heads out. 
“Yeah, but I might,” I mumble.
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I fixed the Coif on my head for the hundredth time, I should’ve put more bobby pins in my hair. God. How did Nuns wear these? It just digs into your scalp and the most hair you could show was just the very top, probably about three inches, the rest of your hair was hidden along with your ears. It was the least cute or sexy thing to ever exist, faces were not being framed. 
“Quit poutin’, you're supposed to be a Nun, be happy,” Dean comments as he rounds the car.
“I look like I'm going to burn myself at the stake,” I huff.
Sam laughs, having to bite back the noise. “You look fine,” Dean says. I look down at myself, the long black dress covering everything down at my ankles and a strange-looking white squared bib thing around my neck, “Who are you lying to right now!” 
Dean huffs frustrated, pinching the bridge of his nose. 
“At least you guys look good, like really good,” I say maybe a little too honestly. Sam had his hair all jelled back in a cute little hairdo, he was quite adorable. And on the other side, it really must have been the all-black attire, forget about the clerical cuff and that damn silver ring on his finger that made Dean look so good. Otherwise, there was something deeply wrong with me and I’d have to reevaluate my life, ‘cause there should be no reason for a “Priest” to look so damn fine. Lord, I need help. 
“Let’s just get this over with,” Dean declares. He leads the way crossing the street and walking right up the porch, he rings the doorbell that silver ring glinting in the light. Sam sighs, “This has gotta be a whole new low for us.”
“Amen,” I mumble.
The door opens slowly and I throw away my pout replacing it with a kind smile. The older man from yesterday stands at the door, blocking our view of the rest of the house. Now that it wasn’t dark out and I was far closer, I was able to take note of him: a round-faced man with dark eyebrows and a sort of buzzcut.“Good afternoon,” Dean starts, “I’m Father Simmons, this is Father Frehley, and this is Sister Kathern We’re new junior priests over at St Augustine's. May we come in?”
The man nods, stepping aside. “Thanks,” Dean says entering first. I give the man a polite nod, “We’re very sorry for your loss.”
“It’s in difficult times like these when the Lord’s guidance is most needed,” Dean adds.
“Look, you wanna pitch your whole ‘Lord has a plan’ thing? Fine. Just don’t pitch it to me. My brother’s dead,” the man spits, his face wobbling with choked emotion. An older blonde woman appears, her soft hair only reaching her shoulders, her eyes etched in sadness, “Roger. Please!” she lectures. Roger moves away, escaping to some other part of the house, “Excuse me.”
“I’m sorry about my brother-in-law. He’s…he’s just so upset about Jim’s death,” she explains.
“You don’t have to apologize, we completely understand. Everyone grieves differently,” I say sincerely. Her eyes soften, a sad smile on her face, “Would you like some coffee?”
“That would be great,” Dean answers.
****
I sit next to Sam on the loveseat, Dean beside him in an armchair. Ms. Miller pours coffee gently into a couple of little white mugs, she hands one to each of us, “It was wonderful of you to stop by. The support of the church means so much right now.”
“Of course. After all, we are all God’s children,” Dean replies smoothly, taking a sip of the black coffee. She stands up taking the coffee pot with her. Dean takes that opportunity to shove a bunch of cocktail sausages into his mouth, he was really taking advantage of her leaving food out on a little platter. “What?” he asks with a mouthful of food, responding to his brothers staring. “Just…tone it down a little bit, Father,” he responds.
Ms. Miller returns then, emptyhanded, she sits back down. Dean swallows his mouth full of food before talking again, “So Ms. Miller, did your husband have a history of depression?”
“Nothing like that,” she answers her eyes already tearing up, “We had our ups and downs like everyone but we were happy,” the tears run rapidly down her face, “I just don’t understand…how Jim could do something like this.”
“I’m so sorry you had to find him like that,” Sam replies sincerely. She wipes her tear-stained face, gesturing behind her, “Actually, our son Max, he was the one who found him.”
“Do you mind if maybe, I go talk to him?” Sam asks. 
“Oh thank you, Father,” she musters a sad smile. He rises, following the direction she pointed. 
“Ms.Miller you have a lovely home. How long have you lived here?” Dean inquires.
“We moved in about five years ago,” she answers. 
“The only problem with these old homes, ‘bet it gives you all kinds of headaches,” he comments. Her face washes over in confusion, “Like what?”
“Well, weird leaks, electrical shortages, odd settling noises at night,” he lists, “That kind of thing.”
She shakes her head, “No, nothing like that. It’s been perfect.”
“Huh,” Dean hums, “May I use your restroom?”
“Oh sure, it’s just up the stairs,” she says. He nods, rising and taking another cocktail sausage before leaving. Now I was left to fend for myself in a social situation I wasn't totally prepared for. What do I say? “Is there anything I could do for you that might make you feel better? I understand how hard it is now.”
She tears up again, “I don’t know.” I lean over placing a gentle hand on her arm, “It’s okay…it’s okay," I say softly.
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I enter the boy's motel room, following Sam. We had just come back from researching about the Miller’s house. I close and lock the door behind me, so grateful that I had been out of that nun outfit for more than an hour. “What do you have?” Dean asks, his entire arsenal spread out around him as he sits on the edge of the bed cleaning a gun. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows as he works the weapons, I have to force my gaze away. Men should not be allowed to look good doing random tasks, it wasn’t fair.
“A whole lotta nothing. Nothing bad has happened in the Miller house since it was built,” Sam answers sinking onto his bed. 
“What about the land?” Dean questions further.
“Nope,” I say, “There were no battles or graveyards, it’s not tribal land and no kind of atrocities happened on or near the property.”
“Hey man I told you, I searched that house up and down. No cold spots, sulfer scent. Nada,” Dean adds.
“And the family said everything was normal?” Sam checks.
“Well, if there was a demon or poltergeist in there you think somebody would have noticed something? I used the inferred thermal scanner man, and there was nothing,” Dean answers.
I sigh moving to sit at the end of Sam's bed, “Back to square one.”
“So what, you think Jim Miller killed himself and my dream was just some sorta freakish coincidence?” Sam questions.
“I dunno,” Dean answers truthfully, “I’m pretty sure there’s nothing supernatural about that house.”
Sam gets a pained look in his eyes, bringing his hand up to rub his temples, “Yeah. Well, maybe it has nothing to do with the house,” he inhales sharply holding his head, “Maybe it’s just…Gosh,” he clutches his head, “... Maybe its connected to Jim in some other way?”
“Sammy you okay?” I ask, placing a careful hand on his bicep just as Dean says, “What’s wrong with you?” I throw him a sharp glare, way to word it. Sam makes strained pained noises, sinking to the floor, “My head.”
Dean practically jumps from his bed, “Sam? Hey,” he sinks right next to his brother in a crouch grabbing Sam’s arms, “Hey! What’s going on? Talk to me.”
I stand up concern running through my blood, “Sam! Come on!” I've never seen something like this before, it was completely foreign which only made it more terrifying. Dean throws a pleading look at me and I stand not knowing what to do, “I-I don’t know, I’m sorry.” He turns back to his brother, not saying anything as he holds on to him. 
Then, Sam slowly removes his hands from his head, focusing back on reality as he warns, “It’s happening again. Something’s gunna kill Roger Miller.”
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My leg bounces in the back seat. once more we were running against an invisible and unknown clock, running to save someone with little to no information given. And once more Sams is on the phone trying to get information quickly that will help us, “Roger Miller. Uh no no, just the address, please. Ok, thanks.” He goes quiet with the information before hanging up and reciting it, “450 West Grove, Apartment 1120.”
“You ok?” Dean asks, eyeing his brother in quick succession.
“Yeah,” he answers in the least convincing tone possible.
“If you’re gunna hurl I’ll pull the car over you know, cause the upholstery…” Dean says, not really joking.
“I’m fine,” Sam answers still not convincingly enough.
“Alright,” Dean shrugs, dropping it.
“Just drive,” he says, looking away. He sighs, “Look, I’m scared, alright? These nightmares weren’t bad enough, now I’m seeing things when I’m awake? And it’s painful.” 
“Come on man, you’ll be all right. It’ll be fine,” Dean comforts in his own way. I wet my lips, choosing my words carefully, “Whatever these abilities are, they’re advancing which is why it’s breaching into day. And because it's leaning more toward psychic abilities it takes a great amount of will, and concentration, and puts a horrible strain on your mind which is why it's painful. But the more you work on it the better it’ll be.”
He turns around in the passenger seat, facing me, “You have telekinesis, right?” I nod, his eyebrows scrunch together, “It hurt when you were first started?”
“God, yes,” I laugh bittersweet, “It just requires so much focus, more so at first, that I had headaches constantly. I tried not to use too much Advil, but they were definitely making a profit off of me, that’s for sure.” He seems to consider the information, turning back in his seat, “Then what is it about the Millers? Why am I connected to them, why am I watching them die? Why the hell is this happening to me?!”
“I don’t know Sam but we’ll figure it out,” Dean answers, “We’ve faced the unexplainable every day. This is just another thing.”
Sam shakes his head, “No. It’s never been us. It’s never been in the family like this. Tell the truth, you can’t tell me this doesn’t freak you out, Dean.”
Dean looks straight out the windshield silently, he couldn’t lie because Sam and I both witnessed him freak out before over it. Of course, then we’d all been younger, and he lashed out at me and when he left he hadn’t talked to me or apologized for months, I think it was about five. These sorts of things do freak him out, and sometimes I think the things I’m capable of doing still scare him sometimes, and that's just with someone he's friends with. With his brother, that fear must be a million times worse. “This doesn’t freak me out,” he finally says, lying. 
****
The Impala pulls up across the street from Roger, who approaches his apartment's entrance with a bag of groceries in his hands. Sam rolls down the window swiftly yelling for the man, “Hey Roger.” The man turns around, the annoyance on his face clear as day, “What are you guys, missionaries? Leave me alone.”
I lean over rolling down the window opposite of where I sit, “Sir this has nothing to do with religion! Trust me.”
“Please,” Sam adds. But Roger is already gone, walking closer to his building. Suddenly the car jerks into motion the engine gunning as it makes a quick turn around, and with a bump Dean jumps the curve hurriedly parking as Sam jumps out running after the man, “Hey. Roger. We’re trying to help! Please! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.”
I get out of the vehicle, round the black car, and head to Sam’s side, Dean following. As Sam reaches the entrance, Roger closes the door behind him, “I don’t want your help.” He walks deeper into the building and in a last-ditch effort Sam yells, “We’re not priests or nuns, you gotta listen to us!”
“Roger, you’re in danger!” Dean yells after him. But of course he doesn't hear them or if he does he just ignores the warnings. God people are so stubborn. “Come on,” Dean suddenly says looking towards a back entrance, he leads the way as we run around the corner of the building to the back entrance, a door in the way. With a quick look around Dean steps back and kicks it open, the door bursts open with a crack. 
Sam jumps for the bottom ladder of the fire escape, using his tall frame to easily reach it, he pulls himself up and starts running for the stairs. Dean turns to me offering me a cupped hand, “You comin’?” he asks. I shake my head, pushing strands of hair behind my ear, “No you go, there isn't enough room for the three of us on that thing, you go. I’ll keep watch. He needs you.”
He looks me over, before nodding and jumping for the ladder, catching up to his brother swiftly. Against my better judgment instead of keeping watch, I look up at them, a hand blocking the sun as they make it up to the second floor. Then all of a sudden there's a heavy squeak and slide of a window followed by a wet squelching noise. Sam freezes, Dean sprints past him and stops looking down at something I can’t see from down here but even so, I know it is Roger’s severed head. 
****
“I’m telling you there was nothing there. No signs either, just like the Miller’s house,” Dean informs, once more the three of us in the car this time driving back to the motel. Sam squints his eyes, slightly, in focus, “I saw something, in the vision, Like a dark shape. Something was…something was stalking Roger.”
“Whatever it was, are you sure it’s not connected to their house?” Dean asks, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel. 
“You know that argument doesn't really hold up anymore considering Roger died in his apartment,” I answer fidgeting with my fingers, “So it could be the family itself.”
“So you think, like a vengeful spirit?” Sam questions.
“Well yeah,” Dean responds, “There’s a few that have been known to latch onto families, follow them for years.”
“Angiak. Banshees,” Sam lists out examples.
“Wouldn’t you have still picked up on something when you were snooping around?” I ask this time, looking up from my hands. “No, I was thinking somethin’ more like a curse,” Dean explains, “Maybe Roger and Jim Miller got involved in something heavy, something curse-worthy.”
Sam hums, adding to the working theory, “And now the something is out for revenge. And the men in their family are dying…Hey, you think Max is danger?”
“Let’s figure it out before he is,” Dean remarks. Sam sighs, “Well, I know one thing I have in common with these people.”
“What’s that?” Dean asks.
“Both our families are cursed,” Sam says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. I frown, one because he feels that way and two because I dislike when people say that. Dean huffs, “Our family’s not cursed! We just…had our dark spots…”
“Our dark spots are…pretty dark,” Sam nods slowly. Dean eyes him, “You’re….dark.”
I scuff, “Well as dark as it was you don’t have to worry, curses aren’t real.”
Sam turns around in his seat, facing me, “You’re a witch and you don’t believe in curses?”
I tilt my head giving him a ‘really?’ look, “That’s not what I meant, of course those kinds of curses exist they are very real and palpable things,” I wet my lips, “What I meant is that this curse you suggest to be the reason why you suffered misfortune isn’t real and that goes for everybody. Bad things just happen. And I know you probably weren’t being too literal but still blaming bad things on curses doesn’t help you in the long run it just serves as an excuse for you not to face your problems and acknowledge the real issue.”
Sam looks at me with slightly wide eyes and when I look at Dean, his expression is more or less the same if not even more, “What?” I ask eyeing the two of them. Sam turns back around in his seat a small smirk on his face, Dean gives a little shrug, “Nothin’, just someone’s using their psychology degree.”
I snort, suddenly getting shy, “Shut up,” I mumble. The thing was I wasn’t using my psychology degree this was just me, not that I was embarrassed by my degree. I took education very seriously, especially college. So of course I wound up double majoring, one in criminal justice and the other in psychology, but could you blame a girl? Either way, I didn't like when people said things like that, blaming something on a force they didn’t understand and had no real play in any of it.
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I pull down the sleeves of the black Nun dress, readjusting the material, “I hope you know this is another book,” I say closing the car door behind me. Dean seems to round the Impala quicker at that, “What?! No, that wasn’t part of the deal.”
I purse my lips, “Yes, but when we made that deal it was under the presumption that it would only happen once in this case. And yet, here we are again.”
Dean opens his mouth to say something more but his brother cuts him off, “Wait, you guys made a deal?”
I smile triumphantly, “Yup!”
Sam frowns a little pout to his lips, his puppy-dog eyes turned down, “Man,” he whines, “I should’ve made a deal.”
“You should’ve,” I respond, thinking for a moment, “You know what? I will extend my second book to you, you are now included!”
He shakes his head, “No Y/N it's okay, have your books.”
Now I shake my head, “No no I want to, nothing would bring me more joy than the three of us going to a bookstore, and while Dean impatiently waits for us and grumbles to himself we get to wreak havoc and choose books!” Sam smiles with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “That does sound like a good idea.”
“You’re an evil woman,” Dean grumbles.
I smile sweetly at him, “I prefer ‘wicked’ but I guess that’s close enough.”
He eyes me for a beat, tongue against cheek as if he is contemplating saying something but ultimately he looks away, “We’re meant to be checking in on Max.”
Oh, “Yeah,” I say leading the way. “See, this always happens,” he states, reaching my side in one stride.
“What happens?” Sam asks.
“Whenever you two are together we get nothing done,” he elaborates. I fake a hurt gasp, “That’s so not true!” I mean we could be annoying, sure, but that was our whole job especially since we’re younger siblings it’s just how it works. 
We reach the door and he knocks before anyone can say anything more on the topic. Instead of Ms. Miller answering the door her son, Max, does. He opens the door wider, “My Mom’s resting, she’s pretty wrecked.”
“Of course,” Dean nods, stepping deeper into the house.
“All these people kept coming with like, casseroles?” Max says, making small talk, “I finally had to tell them all to go away. You know 'cause nothing says I’m sorry like a tuna casserole.” I bite back my laugh, very poorly, he caught it giving a smile back to me and Sam who was also grinning at the joke. Max gestures to the seating area his mom put us just earlier today, and just like then we all take the same seats, but this time it's Max in front of us. 
A beat of silence goes on before Sam sighs, speaking softly he asks, “How ‘you holding up?”
His face drops a little, answering with a small, “Ok.”
“You’re Dad and your uncle were close,” Sam follows up, stating instead of asking.
He shrugs, “Yeah, I guess. I mean, they were brothers. They used to hang out all the time when I was little.”
“But not much lately?” Sam asks.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just…” he shifts in his seat, “We used to be neighbors when I was a kid before we lived across town in this house. Uncle Roger lived next door, so he was over all the time.” 
“Right. So how was it in that house when you were a kid?” Sam questions further. 
“It was fine. Why?” Max answers, dismissively. He was uncomfortable, something about that old house made him uneasy. 
“All good memories? Do you remember anything unusual? Something involving your father and your uncle maybe?” Dean asks this time, skepticism written in his voice. Max shakes his head, slight panic crawling in his irises, “What do yo…..why do you ask?”
I recognized that panic. Knew it well. I remember wearing it, how it crawled over my skin. “Don’t worry it’s just a question,” I nod, noting his behavior.
“No, there was nothing. We were totally normal. Happy,” he replies suddenly more sure of his answer.
“Good. That’s good,” Dean answers, “Well, you must be exhausted. We should take off.”
Catching on Sam nods, “Right,” he looks back at Max, “thanks.”
Max eyes us, something between panic and questioning, “Yeah.”
****
We make it to the Imapla before debriefing, the panic in his eyes burning into my retinas. 
“No one’s family is totally normal and happy,” Dean starts, pointing out the faults of Max’s response, “See when he was talking about his old house?”
“He sounded scared,” Sam answers sadly.
A chill runs up my spine, “More than that, he was petrified. And I don’t think it has anything to do with the house…”
“Yeah, Max isn’t telling us everything,” Dean agrees, “I say we go find the old neighborhood, find out what life was really like for the Millers.”
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I shift my footing, fixing my pants (which I was glad to be in again) as I watch the older man named Rob in front of us. “Have you lived in the neighborhood very long?” Sam asks him.
“Yeah, almost 20 years now. It’s nice and quiet. Why, you looking to buy,” he answers and I can’t tell if he wants us to be interested or wishes to keep out outsiders. Maybe the earlier, he seems kind.
“No, no,” Sam smiles, “Actually, we were wondering if you might recall a family that used to live right across the street I believe.”
“Yeah, the Millers. They had a little boy called Max,” Dean adds.
“Yeah I remember,” he responds, “The brother had the place next door. So, uh, what’s this about, is that poor kid ok?” That makes me stumble over my thoughts, “He….um, I’m sorry why did you word it like that?”
Rob frowns, “Well in my life I’ve never seen a child treated like that. I mean I’d hear Mr. Miller yelling and throwing things clear across the street, he was a mean drunk.” My skin curls up, my fears confirmed. My heart recoils, cowering away from the information and the thoughts. “He used to beat the tar outta Max. Bruises. Broke his arm two times that I know of,” Rob continued. 
I take a subconscious step backward. I don’t understand, if he knew why didn’t he do anything? Why didn’t he call the police?
“This was going on regularly?” Sam asks, his voice firm.
“Practically every day. In fact that thug brother of his was just as likely to take a swing at the boy but the worst part was the sepmother. She’d just stand there, checked out, not lifting a finger to protect him. I must have called the police seven or eight times. Never did any good.”
I suddenly feel nauseous. He was finally free now but that was too many years too late.
“Now you said stepmother,” Dean says for confirmation. How could he not be reacting to this information?
“I think his real mother died. Some sorta…accident. Car accident I think,” Rob answers.
Suddenly Sam clutches his head again, grimacing. Rob looks at him strangely, “Are you okay there?”
He winces, “Uh, yeah.” Dean holds the crook of his brother's arm, leading him away as he throws back a “Thanks for your time.”
I blink out of what feels like a daze, mustering a smile for the man, “Have a nice day,” I say before catching up to the boys. But my feet feel heavy, as if cylinder blocks had been tied to my ankles. My intestines seem to twist itself into a knot, wrapped around like a bow. I clutch my shirt where my stomach is, my heart seems to beat faster an unnerving feeling settling itself into the vessels. I could hardly focus on my tense body and anxious thoughts when Sam’s head lulls back, his eyes doing that thing where you can tell he isn’t here with us right now. He’s somewhere else, having a vision.
****
I want to curl into myself and shy away from the current case. But we were in the Impala driving back to the Millers house and Sam still had to tell us about his vision. “Max is doing it. Everything I’ve been seeing,” Sam reveals. I should be surprised but I’m not, maybe it’s because of the newfound information.
“You sure about this?” Dean asks, almost skeptical. 
“Yeah, I saw him,” he confirms.
“How is he doing it?” I ask carefully. 
“I think telekinesis,” Sam answers. 
“What so he’s psychic?” Dean questions, definitely skeptical.
“I didn’t even realize it but this whole time, he was there. He was outside the garage when his Dad died, he was in the apartment when his Uncle died,” Sam elaborates, “These visions, this whole time–I wasn’t connecting to the Millers, I was connecting to Max! The thing is I don't get why, man. I guess—because we’re so alike?”
“What are you talking about? The dude’s nothing like you,” Dean responds firmly.
“Well,” Sam tries to reason, “We both have psychic abilities, we both…”
“Both what? Sam, Max is a monster, he’s already killed two people, now he’s gunning for a third,” Dean exclaims. This was all getting very complicated very fast. “He’s not a monster he’s a kid. It isn’t his fault, he’s a product of his messed up childhood,” I defend, my voice filled with perhaps a little too much emotion.
“With what he went through, the beatings, to want revenge on those people? I’m sorry, man, I hate to say it, but it’s not that insane,” Sam adds, agreeing. I nod vigorously, it isn’t insane, not one bit.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t justify murdering your entire family!” Dean yells, his voice louder than needed.
“No of course not. But clearly, no one else was caring about him. No one made any effort to help him, not even the police! So you must understand why he felt like he needed to take justice into his own hands,” I argue. This was complicated, this was human. And humans, human feelings get messy very quickly.
“You're suggesting he's a necessary evil?” Dean counters, his voice gruff and on edge.
“Maybe, yeah,” I answer, crossing my arms across my chest. The car jerked right, driving up to the curb in front of the Miller’s house. “He’s no different from anything else we’ve hunted, all right? We gotta end him,” Dean lectured.
“We’re not going to kill Max,” Sam and I say at the same time, our voices overlapping. “He’s a kid!” I add.
“Then what?” Dean counters, “Hand him over to the cops and say ‘Lock him up officer; he kills with the power of his mind.’” 
I huff, “That’s not the point and you know it. We can talk him down, he isn’t a monster and I highly doubt he would kill just for fun. He’s angry and he’s hurt, he needs help. If we do that then we are just as bad as his uncle and his dad and the cops that refused to help.”
He shuts the engine off, pursing his lips and shaking his head, “All right fine. But I’m not letting him hurt anybody else.” Yet, despite his words he leans over to the glove compartment and pulls out a pistol. He glares at Sam as he gets out of the car. I catch his eyes, “Dean.” He looks at me, challenging me, before ultimately getting out and tucking the gun into the back of his pants. I roll my eyes, tongue in cheek, pissed. I get out of the car, joining the boys but not before slamming the car door behind me.
We run up the porch, Sam in the lead. He knocks on the door, and when no response comes he leans over the railing peeking in the window. He looks back at us and he does not have to say anything for us to know what was happening. Max was going to kill his Stepmother.
Without thinking any further, Dean raises his leg to kick the door in. I stop him, “Dude way to be inconspicuous. Let me.” He backs up a few steps, hands raised in defeat. I grasp the cold knob of the door, not needing to put much effort into getting the door unlocked. We rush into the kitchen, where Sam said Max would do it. Ms. Miller presses her back closer against the counters, her eyes wide and filled with tears and fear as she watches her son in front of her. Her eyes snap to us, “Fathers? Sister?” Ironically enough, we weren’t dressed up instead in normal clothes which I wasn’t sure if priests and nuns ever did. Max spins around, poorly concealing the large knife behind his back, his hair is a mess and his eyes match his stepmothers in fear after all he was caught. “What are you doing here?” he asks, afraid.
“Uhh, sorry to interrupt,” Dean answers awkwardly. 
“Max, can we, uh, can we talk to you outside for just one second?” Sam leads, fumbling for an excuse. He eyes us, he doesn’t trust us, “About what?”
“It’s….it’s private. I wouldn’t want to bother your mother with it,” Sam lies, “We won’t be long at all though, I promise” he says directing it to Ms.Miller. Max looks back at his stepmom and then at us, “Ok.”
“Great,” Sam smiles. 
We turn to leave, making it out of the kitchen and to the front door. Dean takes the lead with his hand grasping the doorknob, pulling it open he smiles back at Max awkwardly. Then all of a sudden the doorknob is pulled from his grasp and the door slams shut, followed by the dropping of all the blinds for each window. Impressive. I turn around swiftly watching Max as he backs up, “You’re not priests! Or a nun,” he yells. 
Dean draws his gun quickly, but without even moving a muscle Max uses his powers to pull the gun away, it slides across the floor and he crouches down to take it. He stands up tall, pointing the gun at us. Dean nudges me slightly behind him, I want to shove my way in front of him but he holds his arm out in front of me and I don’t feel the need to argue now of all times. Ms.Miller appears in the archway between where we are and the kitchen, “Max, what’s happening?”
“Shut up,” he bites.
“What are you doing?” she repeats, approaching carefully. Removing one hand from the gun he swings his arm towards her, using his power to send her flying back into the kitchen, she hits her head against the kitchen bench before sliding down to the floor. “I said shut up!” he yells at her unconscious figure. 
“Max calm down,” Sam says steadily, holding his hands up in defeat. 
“Who are you?” Max snaps.
“We just wanna talk,” Sam responds with instead. Max scuffs, “Yeah right, that’s right you bought this!” he motions with the weapon. Sam takes a careful step forward, “That was a mistake, all right? So was lying about who we were. But no more lying Max, okay? Just please, just hear me out.”
He eyes us carefully, “About what?”
“I saw you do it,” Sam explains, carefully, “I saw you kill your Dad and your Uncle before it happened.”
“What?” Max questions.
“I’m having visions Max, about you,” Sam elaborates.
“You’re crazy,” Maxx huffs.
“So what, you weren’t gonna launch a knife at your stepmom?” He challenges, taping his eye, “Right here? Is it that hard to believe Max, look what you can do. Max I was drawn here, all right? I think I’m here to help you.”
His hold on the gun tightens as fresh tears run down his face rapidly, “No one can help me.”
“That’s not true,” I say softly, “I know it feels that way now, and I’m sorry it does. But if anyone can help,” I look at Sam, “It’s him,” I look back at Max, “Please.”
Sam nods, wetting his lips, “Let me try. We’ll just talk, me and you. We’ll get Dean, Y/N, and Alice out of here.”
“Uh-huh. No way,” Dean intervenes. The chandelier above us rattles, “Nobody leaves this house!” Max yells. I want to cut in, I could contain him in a matter of seconds a minute at best. He was skilled, but I certainly knew more than he did. Yet I know I can’t do anything, he’s scared so rushing him with my abilities won’t help. Treating him like a monster won’t help. 
“And nobody has to, all right? They’ll just…they’ll just go upstairs,” Sam reasons, but the light fixture continues to rattle.
“Sam, I’m not leaving you alone with him,” Dean mutters.
“Yes, you are,” Sam answers firmly, “Look, Max. You’re in charge here, all right, we know that. No one's going to do anything that you don’t want to do but I’m talking five minutes here man.”
“Sam!” Dean intervenes again. I place a hand on his upper arm, gaining his attention fast and without words, not wanting to scare Max off, I give him a look and a nod silently telling him that his brother will be okay and that he can handle himself. His lip twitches as if he’s fitting off a scowl.
“Five minutes?” Max asks, the chandelier stops shaking, “Go” he nods to his stepmother.
I walk carefully behind Dean, waiting for him as he picks up Ms. Miller, I lead the way up the wooden stairs entering the master bedroom. Dean lays her down carefully, and I find the bathroom attached to the room. I quickly go through the drawers finding a small washcloth, carefully I wet it and ring it out before walking back into the bedroom to find Dean pacing the room, hand by his face. I approach him carefully, he stops his pacing when I step in front of him but worry is written clearly in his eyes, and in the way he hasn’t stopped biting his thumbs nailbed, a habit he exhibited only when he was worried about Sammy. 
I raise my free hand to him, pulling it away from his mouth, “He’ll be okay, he knows what he's doing.”
He shakes his head but doesn’t say anything as he takes the washcloth from me before moving past me, he crouches in front of Ms.Miller, lightly pressing the cloth to the small wound on her forehead. He was distracting himself.
I frown. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in his brother, he was just worried. For as much as this was for Sam it was nearly too much for Dean too, he might not be going through it but he was watching someone else navigate the messy plains of powers and the pain that came with it…that was scary. Especially since Dean has always taken his job as an older brother very seriously, doing anything and everything for him no matter the cost, he was meant to be his protector but with these newfound abilities Dean didn’t know how to help, how to protect his little brother– and that scared him.
I cross my arms across my chest, trying to think of what to say when I hear movement heading towards us. I turn towards the door, it creaks open slowly, Max’s figure standing right at the doorway the gun clutched in his hand at his side. I give him a questioning look, but his face is determined and there’s no Sam.
There’s no Sam.
Panic settles in my veins and before I can react Dean is standing in front of me, pushing me further behind him before he takes purposeful steps towards Max. The door slams shut and suddenly Dean goes flying left, barreling into the wall. Oh, two can play that game.
“Max!” Ms.Miller yells from behind me, having woken up in the short time her son arrived. Max points the gun at me with shaky hands, “Move,” he commands. I bring my powers forward, flicking it on, “Do you want to try?” I warn bitterly. He laughs, shaking, “Do you think you’re like me too?”
I assume Sam must have said something about that to him downstairs, “No,” I answer softly. He raises his other hand at me, flicking it to the left trying to send me flying too but I don’t budge. He looks confused and tries again but once more I don’t move. “Max please just put the gun down, this isn’t the way, I promise you,” I reason.
“You don’t get it!” he yells, shaking. I smile at him sadly, holding up my hands in defeat, “Dad drinks and he gets mean,” I say, “You think he doesn’t mean it, he’s just grieving. But it happens one too many times and you get scared.”
His resolve weakens and tears run down his face, “Your Dad?” He isn’t sure whether he should believe me or if I'm just lying to talk him down. I take a quick look over at Dean, who still lies on the floor looking at me with eyes wide, I never told him and I don’t think he ever knew.
I look back at Max, “Yes. My brother took most of it for me, but I reminded him too much of my mother and she was gone while I lived and that was not fair,” I swallow roughly, “I didn’t think he was capable. My mom loved him and he was never like that when she was around, but they did always say she softened him so maybe that’s why.”
“What did you do?” he asks, lowering the gun just a little. I go quiet and he does not like that, he raises the gun again, “Did you kill him?!” he screams.
I shake my head, “No. He managed that all by himself, he grew very careless.”
His eyes scrunch together in confusion, “Did you want to?”
I shake my head again, “No, I didn’t want to be like him. Didn’t want to stoop to his level. My brother though…he, um, I think he wanted to. But he didn’t. When he died, I didn’t cry at his funeral, I wasn’t as sad as I knew I should’ve been, and that alone makes me feel so guilty…” I take a careful deep breath trying to blink away the tears, “Please put the gun down, I know you're angry, you have every right to be. And I know you’re scared but doing this. It won’t help.”
“How do you know!” he screams, his face red, but it comes out weak.
“He’s dead and I’m still scared sometimes,” I admit out loud for the first time, tears slipping down my cheeks as my powers revert to it’s resting stage, “I think I hear his voice or that I see him in a crowd, and I know it’s not really him. But my heart picks up and I think he’s there, and I know what that means and I get scared.”
He looks at me, really looks at me and it is like looking in a mirror, our pain reflecting in each other. He lets go of the gun, but it doesn’t hit the floor instead it floats in front of him, “I’m not you, I won’t sit back and take it. She has to die, they all had to.”
His words feel like a stab to my hurt but I ignore them, “No, Max, please. It won’t help.” I don’t look away from him but even so, I hear Dean standing up and I can feel him getting closer. He puts himself in front of me again, I try to get him behind me, a gun wouldn’t exactly kill me, but he looks down at me his green eyes hard. He moves me behind him, looking back at Max, “You wanna kill her you gotta go through me first.” 
“Fine,” he says. Just as the door busts open, Sam comes barreling in, “No don’t! Don’t! Please. Please,” Sam begs, “Max. Max. We can help you. All right.”
I move away from Dean despite the arm that he holds out to stop me from getting closer. Max is shaking, and sweaty, and tears run down his face rapidly. He looks at Sam with anguish, then his gaze turns to me eyes filled with a familiar pain. But his shoulders suddenly drop, and his face clears, “You’re right. It won’t stop.”
The floating gun points at himself. A loud bang rings in the room. Bits of blood splatter on my face. His body crumbles to the floor, a hole in his head.
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I stare blankly at a spot on the floor, a small swirl in the wooden floors. Sirens whirl just outside, and cops stand all around us. His body was brought out in a bag. Yellow caution tape sections off parts of the house. Something light was placed in my hand, something to clean the…
Muffled voices sing near me.
He’s dead. I couldn’t convince him, if anything I made it worse. I should’ve said it gets better because it does and it’s not that common that I get scared, I can’t. Not with this job. But I didn’t want to lie and I made it worse.
I feel sick. 
I couldn’t help.
He didn’t want to be like me. He’s dead.
He didn’t want to be like me and I didn’t want to be my father and he’s dead. They are both dead and I live.
I live and Dad would say it’s not fair. He’s dead. 
A familiar hand nudges me forward, I walk automatically without hearing the voices. Something about…
He’s dead.
The car door opens and I sit inside, automatically putting the seat belt on. Someone says something and the door closes, voices say something outside, and then doors open and close. The car moves forward, the sirens get further away. Eyes look at me and I look at him.
His body falls to the floor a hole in his head.
His body floats away as it burns like a Viking. He hugs me closer to him and we do not cry. We are free sometimes.
His body falls to the floor a hole in his head.
He said it won't stop and there’s a bang.
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calocreek · 3 days
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Hi! I was looking at some of your painterly stuff, and I am in awe of the emotion, softness, and texture of the pieces. I wanted to ask what your general process of making painterly artwork is? Do you freehand without a sketch, how long it takes you to finish a piece like that, how you utilize layering, etc!
You are, of course, not obligated to share about your process or answer questions! If these questions are too invasive on your work, I completely understand. Thank you!
My process for those particular pieces is super loose! I try to use art fights as an excuse to try new color combos and try to get fast and comfy with painting bc I rarely do it it any more. But basically it looks like this!
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Loose sketch, I think this was the second or third sketch that I thought looked the best :)
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2. I normally start with the complementary color to the character's main color (which was red here) unless I have a specific lighting goal or color palette in mind
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3. I block in colors under the sketch layer! In this case I was just picking whatever colors but if I'm not feeling too confident I do color pick from photos or palettes I find on google images.
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4. My emotional support overlay layer, of course <3. Not much thought process here, just trying to make it look good + more contrasty!
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5. Then I make a layer on top of the sketch and just go ham! Try to separate the light and shadow, detail the teeth and stuff. I start with big blendy brushes and then scale down to smaller brushes towards the end.
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All of my art fights take like 45 min-3 hrs (I definitely struggle on people faces so much). I think this one took a bit over an hour, which is where most of them fall! The one below was closer to 3, you can see I used a second sketch layer and did a lot of tweaks.
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And finally, especially if you're focused on improving your skills, always collect inspiration pictures from artists who you want to emulate! My art fights draw LOADS of inspiration from @ikrutt + @polararts for example. I hope this gives you some insight to my process! As always, if you want to fuck with my brushes msg me, I can email you them :)
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Text
I feel the need to say something. Whether that's because someone might need to hear it, or I just need to get it written down, I don't know and likely never will. Be warned that this post might come across as a little vent-y despite that not being its purpose.
Moral of this post in case you don't want to read it all; the gods are patient. They are kind. Sometimes, in ways you don't expect.
Currently, I am overthinking something. Badly. I can feel it boiling over, and at first I tried to keep it hidden from Loki because I deemed it cringe or bad. Unlovable in some way. (even though I make a point to never label anyone else cringe, this label is often applied to me when I feel self deprecative.)
Eventually I just gave up, because I figured they'd already seen it, and I admit I vented about it. They sat with me and listened, and I could feel that he's just... Distraught. Horrified that I think this part of me is unworthy of existing. He hates that I won't let him help, either.
But the reason I say that the gods are patient is this; I have yet to do a reading about it. I don't allow much in the means of direct communication when I'm talking about it, because I "could just be imagining it" and no matter what stance they take it's either what I want to hear or what I'm afraid of. Both of which I could see myself imagining.
Loki WANTS to help. I can feel him getting antsy, kind of. I almost finally grabbed my cards to do a reading with him tonight, but I'm too tired right now and, admittedly, I'm procrastinating. This is something I am actively beating myself up about, and Loki could absolutely be cruel. They could be my worst fucking nightmare. I know they won't, logically, but emotions are not often logical.
And yet they wait. They're sitting with me right now, I can feel it- and they're going to give me all the time I need. They're a deity, they have all the time in the world. If this were a human friend, and I had vented about this but not been willing to listen to their opinions, I know damn well I would not be given the time I need to prepare myself for that conversation. But Loki isn't human. So they wait until I can pick up those cards and face the fear head-on.
I'm reminded of someone saying that Loki will push you to be far more than you ever knew you could be. I think that's true. But I also think that there's something to say about how patient they are, just... Letting us grow ourselves, walking alongside us while we're fucking terrified, and understanding that these things don't happen overnight.
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shepherds-of-haven · 3 days
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hi!! So. i like writing for Trouble and my MC but i spend so much time clowning on him and making up silly scenarios that now i have no idea how to write him actually catching on to one of the moves she makes and what kinds of moves he cant explain away. Please do you have any tips or crumbs to throw my way to help? I need to write him making out sloppy style w my girl PLEASE!!
Anyway I really love shoh and I think about Trouble and my MC almost every day so tysm for the lovely gift of him <3 i also wrote this ask intending to be silly but if it sounds demanding or rude i am SO sorry I would never demand anything of u and will love anything you may kr may not respond with whether that be in 17 minutes or 17 years 🩵
Aw, thank you so much for this sweet message, it made me so happy to receive! 💖 Please don't worry about sounding rude at all, your words were so kind and made me grin ear-to-ear, so thank you!
To answer your question, I like this excerpt from the old novels to explain how I think Trouble can be in a romance: I usually envision him being casual or friendly and light-hearted, and then catching onto something--some shift in the mood or a lingering glance--and then kind of abruptly shifting into a more intense version of himself. It's not a side of himself he shows very often--we're mostly exposed to the goofy, jocular Trouble, but that 'intense' dominant Trouble is there, lurking underneath it all, and that's kind of the part that he struggles with because it's also tied up in his ferocious past and his temper. It's the same Trouble who can go from smiling and laughing with his friends in a bar to completely unsmiling and intimidating when he overhears some guy being a dickhead to a server nearby, except obviously in these scenarios it's sexual/romantic tension he's responding to (even if he doesn't fully know it's that) rather than regular like situational tension. I don't know if you have access to the alpha build, but the scene in the cave in Chapter 7 when he's warming up MC's hands or the abrupt change from "yay we're having fun" to "something just happened" in his latest day off (when Cordy flirts with you) are good examples of this, too! This sort of stilted "everything is great 95% of the time and then 5% of the time something happens and he can't control it" that's impeding him and MC's easy friendship is what's really throwing Trouble for a loop; he starts to feel guilty and confused and tormented about it because he thinks he's the only one feeling these things and getting in the way of what should be a smooth companionship, so he's just... feeling a lot of things and not knowing what to do with them, lol.
So I imagine 'heated makeout' tends to happen during one of these sudden changes to 'intense Trouble,' when he catches on to something he can't ignore--but I generally don't think it happens because of an outright flirtation or hint of MC's, because he can usually just laugh those off as them just joking around, so he doesn't really respond to those like one might expect? He's dazzlingly good at not catching on to things like that (short of an outright serious confession), so maybe that's why you're having trouble imagining it! I tend to imagine it happening entirely randomly, during some moment of unthinking intimacy, like in the cave in Chapter 7 or during a mission when emotions are high or something like that. Here's another example of what I'm thinking of!
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...Or something like that, idk lol! Obviously take all of this with a huge grain of salt and don't let me influence you; however you write Trouble and MC's romance is fantastic! Hopefully some of these tips help you in some way!
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(Translation) Gilbert's Beast Manual His POV Story
The final installment in Gilbert's current party event.
Spoilers. I'm not a translator, I just throw stuff into online translators, so expect errors. Case 1 | Case 2 | Case 3 (I recommend you read these beforehand for the full experience.)
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Please be aware that this installment contains some heavier emotional content as well as sexual content later on—MDNI. As a final note, I recommend you have read Gilbert's proposal event beforehand. Just in case. (Technically I'd also recommend you have read his physical exam event too, but not to the same degree.)
I couldn't tell the little rabbit the real reason I had her accompany me on official business.
I'd most certainly earn a scolding and remonstration if I did.
I felt like I wanted to be scolded at least once though, since the little rabbit was the only one who could truly rebuke the conquering beast. However...
"I want the little rabbit to be able to survive in Obsidian even if by some chance I were no longer here."
Those were not words I could simply tell her, because I knew just how devastating they would be for her.
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(That being said, today's been worse than ever.)
Crimes of the older generations continuing to go unchecked, signs of rampant bribery within the military...
The little rabbit's beautiful eyes were exposed to so many of these things.
(What is it about this country that when one rotten thing disappears, three more take its place?)
(Maybe everyone's got a death-wish. Yet they still beg for their lives once they're weeded out.)
(...It's incomprehensible to me. If only they'd all just die to save me the trouble.)
Emma: Gil, are we done with official business for the day?
My darkening thoughts must have breached containment; as the little rabbit walked beside me she entwined her fingers with mine.
Her warm hand permeated the cruelty staining across my heart.
Gilbert: I don't have any plans, but is there anything you'd like to do?
Emma: Is it alright if I come to your room? I feel like your bookshelves are calling for me.
Gilbert: Of course it's alright.
(...You probably have a lot to think over.)
Her face only spelled out joy. There was no deceit to be found.
She didn't change her usual demeanor, not even when faced with an irritable beast.
(I've known Walter and Roderic for a long time and even they're prone to checking my complexion on days like this.)
Of course that certainly didn't mean she hadn't noticed a thing.
In fact, the little rabbit, with her keen insight into other people's emotions, should have already pinpointed mine.
[flashback to Case 1]
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Gilbert: Anyhow... was it written on my face?
Emma: ...Yeah, it was.
Gilbert: Hehe, well that's no good.
Emma: Isn't that what I'm here for?
Emma: To help give you even a little peace of mind?
[end flashback]
(That's what you said this morning, right?)
(...Truly, you're so gallant for a baby rabbit.)
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The little rabbit immediately leapt at the books once she arrived in my room.
Although she'd probably learned by now that concentrating on the books alone would make this troublesome beast very jealous.
So she picked out only one before walking over to the bed and sitting down beside that beast.
Gilbert: ...What's this? Political science?
Emma: I felt like doing some studying today.
(Oh, I see...)
(Someone with a truly pure heart doesn't get tainted after experiencing filth. But rather, they lament their own helplessness.)
(...That's just so like the old me.)
A young boy who'd once learned about corruption and then tried desperately to change the status quo.
And after he'd finished reading all the books available within the country, he'd asked a book dealer to regularly procure ones from other places so he could vigilantly instill the knowledge into himself.
That was back when I'd still foolishly believed that no matter how corrupt a person was, there was an alternative to killing them as long as you engaged with them sincerely.
(Things didn't work out so nicely in the real world though.)
(...But I want the little rabbit to stay like this, just as she is.)
Gilbert: [smiling as he watches her read] ...
Emma: ...
Gilbert: ......
Emma: ......Gil.
The little rabbit looked up from her book, appearing as though she might cry.
Emma: Are there any easier political science books?
Gilbert: Ahaha... I knew it.
Gilbert: The book you're holding is so philosophical that even I found it difficult to understand.
Gilbert: Would you like me to recommend something aimed at beginners?
Emma: Yes, please, if you wouldn't mind!
Gilbert: And what should you do when begging me?
Without hesitation, the little rabbit placed her hands my shoulders and kissed my cheek.
Emma: ...Please, Gil.
Gilbert: It's boring if you do the same thing you always do.
Emma: Then how about...
When I sensed her trying to bite my ear, I pulled back.
Gilbert: Really now... So that's what you're gonna do.
Emma: Aren't you always biting my ear? It's a show of my affection.
Gilbert: But you're already aware though, of how sensitive my ears are?
Emma: ...
Gilbert: Oh, I almost forgot. I still have to discipline you.
Emma: ...W-what are you talking about?
Gilbert: Are you playing innocent? You still haven't made up for sneaking medicine into my food during lunch.
Emma: Um, I did make up for it!? Didn't you have your fun teasing me for it?
Gilbert: That was just a bit of playing around. You see, my real punishment—
I grabbed the little rabbit's hand as she tried to run and forced her onto the bed in a roll.
Just like that I gathered her wrists above her head and bound them with a nearby cloth.
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(I hadn't really planned to do something like this...)
(But the little rabbit's been a bad girl, so I've got no choice.)
Emma: I was... going to study...
Gilbert: I'll have a beginner's book picked out for you by tomorrow.
Gilbert: Or rather, if you're interested, I can teach you myself? After all, training people is my forte.
I undid the collar of her dress and ran my fingers directly over her bare skin.
The little rabbit's cheeks turned as red as the sunset when I placed my hand over her breasts.
Emma: But don't you have things to do, Gil?
Gilbert: It's up to me how I choose to use my limited time.
Gilbert: You really don't have to be so overly anxious. If I can't manage, I'll say so.
(Although there's nothing that should be getting higher priority over the little rabbit's requests.)
The little rabbit started rubbing her legs together as I caressed her over and over again.
Purposely ignoring her mounting frustration was, of course, all part of the plan.
Emma: In that case... Thank you, Gil.
Gilbert: You've certainly got funny tastes to be saying thank you at a time like this.
Emma: That's not what I mean... mn... ah...
She suddenly let out a lewd cry when I lightly poked the hardened tip of her breast.
Emma: This afternoon, too, you...
Gilbert: I let you have your release right away this afternoon, didn't I? I wouldn't call that a punishment.
Emma: ...
Gilbert: It's no use being wistful either.
When I turned up the hem of her dress, I didn't even have to touch her to uncover the stain on her underwear.
Just a light swipe up the thin fabric and my fingertips came away damp.
Gilbert: Now then, you're going to have to suffer a lot.
Emma: ...At least... let me take my clothing off please.
Emma: I can't bear to... ruin the dress you made for me.
(Jeez, you truly are...)
Gilbert: I'm not listening to you.
Emma: Ah...
I thrust my fingers into her wetness as if I was trying to scrape out every last drop of nectar.
The dress pinned underneath her quickly became sullied.
Emma: Gil... mn...
Gilbert: If the dress gets dirty, you'll be just be reminded of something embarrassing whenever you put it on, won't you?
Gilbert: This is punishment, so you've got to resign yourself and accept it.
Emma: .......You're so mean.
Gilbert: And who exactly do you think I am?
(For the world's greatest villain to let you off with meanness and nothing else... that just means you're special.)
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After the punishment, the little rabbit, thoroughly sullied, headed for the bath.
I honestly wanted to chase after her, but there was still work to be done today.
Roderic: Pardon me, sir.
Gilbert: I figured you'd come.
When I got to my office desk, Roderic immediately selected a document from the stack and handed it to me.
Roderic: ...I thought I might be turned away.
Gilbert: I'm in a good mood right now so I'll forgive you.
Roderic: That's surprising. I thought a storm would have been raging these past few days.
Gilbert: Ahaha, everyone has the little rabbit to thank for that.
Roderic: ...They can't thank her enough.
Gilbert: Neither can I.
I briefly glanced over the document before picking up my quill.
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[I'm not gonna paste all the cutaways from the CG like I did in Case 3]
Gilbert: I see. So they've already completed their draft. Excellent, excellent.
Roderic: It seems experiencing your wrath this morning made them respond accordingly.
Gilbert: I'd like for them to submit the draft before it ever gets to that point next time.
Roderic: It's only because nobody can come up with out-of-the-box ideas like you.
Gilbert: They're all conclusions one can arrive at rationally. It's not like I'm making unreasonable demands of anyone.
(We're in trouble if they can't grow to the point where they can keep the older generations in check even without me.)
While talking, I read through the document and noted down points of concern.
Gilbert: ...Also, the draft was poorly-constructed. With this there's too gaps for us to drive that old man into a corner.
Roderic: Then I'll have it returned to you in such a way that we can.
Gilbert: I only appreciate haste. You help them too, Roderic. I'd like to have the contents finalized before our next regular meeting.
Gilbert: If we leave that old man unchecked, he may soon start a losing battle against neighboring countries.
(Up until now I'd left him to go and self-destruct on his own but... it was a promise to the little rabbit.)
Roderic: ...Understood, sir.
After completing my review, I handed it back to Roderic.
Gilbert: What's the next document?
Roderic: It's here, sir.
Gilbert: ...I know I keep asking, but is there more still?
Roderic: There's a mountain of things I'd like you to look over.
Gilbert: I thought I'd delegated my authority out.
(And it's not like they're even required to check in with me before proceeding.)
Roderic: This just means that Obsidian needs you.
Gilbert: That's certainly a problem.
Roderic: No, sir, it's not.
(I've got no intention of dying now that I've decided to live, but...)
(The everyday life that's persisted until today may not necessarily continue on tomorrow.)
(Because of the position I'm in, I have to assume the worst and act accordingly.)
Gilbert: ...[sigh] Unless we can get everyone past the idea that failure is some sort of capital crime, won't it be difficult for you and I to manage all this work on our own?
Gilbert: It seems like my presence is a hindrance after all.
Roderic: Please don't say that!
Gilbert: Fine, fine. If you don't like it, then go give out this PSA.
Gilbert: "As long as there's no fraud or corruption at work, I won't kill you over a simple failure. So please rely on your own judgement more."
Roderic: ...Very well, sir.
(Even so...)
I'd felt someone's passionate gaze trained on me even while we were talking.
The person in question may have believed they were well-hidden.
But I couldn't help but notice the hem of her negligee flickering from her hiding spot.
Roderic: ...Sir, let's deal with the rest of this tomorrow.
Roderic may have noticed as well since he was giving up on the rest of the documents.
Gilbert: Hey. You definitely didn't see anything, right?
Roderic: I saw nothing and I noticed nothing.
Gilbert: Is that so? That's fine, then. Thank you for your hard work.
(Narrowly escaped death, didn't you...?)
The door closed behind Roderic and I stretched out my arms as though to relax.
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Gilbert: Now, then, little rabbit.
Emma: ...So you'd noticed me after all.
Gilbert: Well that's a given.
Once I beckoned, the little rabbit understood my request exactly and climbed onto my lap.
Gilbert: You were throwing Roderic such a passionate look.
Emma: I was looking at you!?
Gilbert: He was positioned in the same line of sight.
Gilbert: As you know, you have a very troublesome man on your hands. So you're aware of what you should do at a time like this, right...?
Emma: ......
The punishment from earlier seemed to have taken effect as the little rabbit kissed my lips instead of my ear.
I lightly bit her lip on her way out, imparting a bit of pain.
But rather than get angry, the little rabbit's eyes only seemed to soften with joy.
(Looks like I was able to soothe you after all.)
Emma: ...Did I interfere with your official duties?
Gilbert: [pouts] Roderic's the one who interfered. Showing up at this hour with documents for review.
Emma: That's probably because you were busy during the day.
Gilbert: [grins] Hehe... I showed you a lot of things I don't like about Obsidian today.
Emma: ...And I want to know about even more of those things from now on.
Emma: Because I'd like to be able to assist you as well.
Gilbert: Ahaha, that's reassuring.
(...Hm?)
The little rabbit had begun to frown as she spoke.
(Have I said something wrong?)
I hadn't the faintest idea what it could be, so I settled on comforting her for the time being by stroking her cheek, still warm from her bath.
Gilbert: You're pulling such a long face even though your words are so reassuring,
Emma: ...I wasn't lying.
Gilbert: I know that. So what's eating at you?
Emma: ...I can't really put it to words.
Emma: It's just... I'm envious of Roderic.
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(......)
Emma: He's able to assist you more than me, and he knows everything...
(...So that's what was on your mind while you were eavesdropping.)
(The little rabbit is jealous of Roderic.)
(The sweet little rabbit of all people.)
Gilbert: Wow... I'll have to give Roderic a bonus.
There's no way I wouldn't be happy to be shown such love to the point of jealousy.
This was an event that completely overturned all the depressing stuff from today.
It was practically a miracle.
Emma: ...I get it now. So this is what you've been feeling all this time.
Emma: Hehe... What do I do? I'm really jealous here.
Jealousy was supposed to be a negative emotion by nature yet the little rabbit took it in as though it were a good thing.
I felt like she'd gotten a glimpse of how this beast dealt with his jealousy on a daily basis.
Gilbert: Serious jealousy is nothing like this though, you know?
Emma: Are you saying there's more to come?
Gilbert: Yeah. Your jealousy's in the early chapters.
Gilbert: The more and more you come to love me, the less you'll be able to contain that kind of adorable jealousy.
Emma: I'll work diligently then.
Gilbert: Hehe... I can't believe you've cheered up this much just from turning into a jealousy fiend.
(It's just like Roderich was saying. I definitely shouldn't have been able to show any kindness toward my surroundings these past few days)
And yet, what occupies my heart now at the end of the day is pure happiness.
(The reason I had Emma accompany me on official business was in preparation for a day that might possibly come...)
(At least that's what I'd thought, but perhaps in reality I'd only wanted to be healed.)
(...Nothing in this rotten world can change a thing about the beautiful world that Emma brings.)
(Maybe I'm just spoiled by the comfort in that.)
(...I may be a lot more dependent on Emma than I realize.)
When I laughed despite myself, Emma began to gently stroke my hair.
Gilbert: Taming the conquering beast is difficult, isn't it? But it might be easy for you.
Gilbert: Because I'm so madly in love with you.
(I'm sure I could cherish you endlessly.)
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(That's why... I wish this daily life could go on forever.)
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Translation references: 無理矢理 1 | かと 1 2 | 感謝してもしきれません 1 | あなたなら 1
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five-rivers · 2 days
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Cracked Clay Cup Chapter 12
@greatbigolhampuckjustforme
Pandora’s spear flew from her hand, and she stepped back, her hands spread as wide as her smile.  “Very good,” she said.
“You were going easy on me,” said Phantom, also stepping back.  “I wouldn’t have won in a real fight.”
“But that is what training is,” said Pandora.  “If I were to fight you at my full strength every time, how would you learn anything?”
“Slowly,” said Phantom.  “And painfully, probably.”
“So, there you are,” said Pandora.  “You’ve made a lot of progress.”
“Thanks,” said Phantom, blushing.  His ears twitched, too, their cant showing the same emotion, which was simply precious.
Pandora knelt in front of Phantom.  “And I believe that with more time, you could make even more.  But,” Pandora continued, gently, “I think you are becoming restless.”
“Uh,” said Phantom, his ears tilted ever so slightly back.  “I have had a good time here.”
“I know,” said Pandora.  
“It’s nice.  It’s a little weird, being able to look out through the pillars but not being able to walk out that way, but it’s nice.  It’s been nice.”
“I am not telling you to go, or that you should go,” said Pandora, “only that I understand.  For those like us, there is always an urge to move forward, to do more, to do better.”
“Right,” said Phantom, listing slightly to one side.  “But, um.”
“I do, of course, want you to stay, but I want you to stay while you are happy here, and soon you won’t be.  Can you really tell me that you haven’t been anxious these past couple of days?  That you haven’t been thinking about the time when you will be done with this trial and free?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking about that for a while, not just here.”
Pandora tilted her head towards him, letting his own thoughts fill in the next parts of her argument.  
“You do have more to teach me, though, don’t you?”
“An afterlife’s worth, as do all those who hope to call themselves your parents by law.”  She took his hands in one of hers.  “I do hope you choose me, so we can have the time that requires.  Although I know Frostbite won’t begrudge me borrowing you from time to time.”
“Yeah,” said Phantom, fidgeting with his spear.  “Probably not.”  He sighed.  “I don’t know.  I do–  There are only two groups after you.  I… kind of do want this over with.  I want to remember who I am, and who all of you are, and everything.”
“I know.”
“Okay,” said Phantom.  “You’re really okay with me going?”
“Yes.  I want you to be happy, little warrior.”
Phantom nodded.  “Okay.  Okay.  Just…  One more day.  We can relax together or something.  Eat some grapes.  Maybe drink some wine…”  He raised his eyebrows entreatingly.  
“I am trying to follow modern drinking restrictions.”
Phantom shrugged.  “It was worth a try.”
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torialefay · 3 days
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hi your astrology post on chan are absolutely amazing, what do you think he will be like when jealous. I mean we all get jealous when it comes to some people but given how possessive chan is it can be bit overwhelmingly intense emotion for him and it can lead to steamy situation. So can you write a little about what he would be like when jealous in regards to astrology, please.
Thank you💕
of course, anon! i actually have v strong (and maybe not so popular idk) opinions on this.
yes yes yes! you are 100% right that channie can get super jealous & possessive. but the thing is, he is VERY good at hiding it. and let me tell you why:
• his venus in scorpio: this one is the most obvious and why i think a lot of people suspect his jealous/possessive tendencies. and duh, we know venus rules love & beauty, scorpio rules deep emotions, passions & desires, etc etc. BUT, scorpio also has also always been associated with manipulation. i feel like this is 100% the case with chan. he may not outright say that he feels jealous over something that you did, but he will twist things so that you end up feeling guilty and don't do it again (but that wasn't his intentions of course, you came to that conclusion on your own 😉🤭 sarcasm if you can't tell). he may even have this obsessive/possessive quality to the point that he subtly manipulates you into ONLY caring about him really. for you to put him before anyone else and make you feel like he's the only person in the world that can truly take care of & provide for you. very veryyyyyy subtly of course. but he may plant those seeds. why? because it makes you fall in love with him more & become just as obsessed with him as he is with you.... of course you're gonna know he has this side of him, but you don't know just how deep it goes
• his gemini rising & sagittarius mars: these signs are more about freedom & friendliness. making a wide array of friends & coming off as a "people person." very open-minded as well. these definitely aren't the first signs that come to mind when you think "possessive and jealous." but here's the thing, neither of these planets are necessarily WHO you are. they are more so who you come across as. who you present yourself to be. so channie's gonna come across as light-hearted and a super trusting boyfriend. he knows that & that's what he wants. he wants to be seen as someone who trusts you & lets you do what you'd like without making a big deal about it (after all, he's our sweet little channie and he would never try to control us like that! 🫠🤥).
• i also wanna mention his libra sun and moon. obvi we know that libra is all about balance & is definitely the type to run away from conflict. SO, if there's something chan doesn't like, he's probably not gonna outright talk about it. libras are also the "people pleasers" of the world and are greatttt at conversation, so more than likely, he's gonna tell you exactly what you want to hear. he's gonna struggle a lot bc at his very core (his moon), he really just wants to be loved and accepted. but he may feel like, in love (venussss), the only way he can do that is through manipulating you into seeing him as the only person in the world for you. libras love that shit too. feeling validated? feeling needed? they can be prone to manipulating the situation a little bit too. so yes, channie is gonna really have a tough time with it.
how i see this playing out:
• he will plant little seeds in your head. for example, he may say something like "i love you so much more than anything else" simply for the fact that he wants you to say it back. he wants to hear you say that he matters more to you than anyone or anything else in the world. he wants to be the only thing on your mind, but he'd never admit it.
• he wouldn't outright say anything if he saw you with one of his friends/another idol and got jealous... he doesn't want that confrontation. instead, he'll make snide remarks about them (again, tiny little pettttty things) to deter you from thinking ab them. like "oh you were talking to mingi at the party tonight? i heard he was pretty bad off tonight, got into some shit with one of his members" etc etc. just any petty thing he can think to bring up that isn't exactly putting that person down.
• let's say for example that you go out for the night & go clubbing and chan doesn't like it bc he wanted to stay in with you (but of course he's never gonna tell you what to do, right?). he MAY (depending on the day) do something that he knew you wanted to do without you. you wanted to watch that new movie on netflix? he totally forgot and he already watched it. "you would have loved it," he'd say. or maybe he'd hit up the cool new restaurant that you'd been dying to go to, and when he tells you, he'd brag about how cool it was & what a great time he had. basically, he'd make you feel like you were missing out by not being with him.
that's all i'll say for jealous & possessive channie, but i do want to end by saying that he doesn't have these tendencies ALL the time. and tbh, he's probably very unaware just how toxic he's being. he may even have conflicting feelings about it bc he DOES KNOW that you need your freedoms, and probably does TRY to gove you that. but sometimes, he just can't help himself. when he's in love, he wants you to himself & he wants to protect you.
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AITA for omitting to a friend that I know more about her life than she thinks I know?
So, I (17F) am friends with a group of nice people in my class. Were're not like, really close friends, at least I am not emotionally very close to them as I am to my bestfriend but anyway. There was a couple in this group, a girl we're gonna call Princess and a boy we're gonna call Emo. I am friends with both of them, and they always seemed like a "couple goals" to other people. One day, Emo called me privately via text message telling they have broken up. I thought it was a prank, but no. He was so angry and I really noticed he wanted somebody to listen to him. Anyways, he spilled some hot tea about their relationship I didn't knew about. He said that she cheated on him a while ago and he forgave her after, but said the reason of this fight is because of some other reason. I'm not gonna tell the whole story, but I tought they were kinda both asses: he tought she was too promiscuous, and she seemed very emotional manipulative from the stories he told me. I was honest then: told him which parte they he was right and the parts I thought he was being an ass. Anways, something I noticed about princess is that she never told anyone about the end of their relationship. She and Emo were more distant in school and no one seemed to notice, but I did. Because I already knew. But here's the thing: I didn't told her I knew what was going on with her, because I wanted to wait her time. I wanted her to feel ready enough to open this up without feeling pressured. Some time passed, Emo was having a mental breakdown wanting her back, she didn't wanted him (which I don't blame her) and I gave him some emotional support via text so Emo wouldn't turn suicidal too. I was feeling bad for him actually, never saw that boy have such a heart to heart vent with me. And he really trusted me, he said I was a very kind person and should never change. Some time passed and Princess texted me out of the blue saying she wanted to talk. I was already suspicious about what would be. She finally told me she and Emo have broken up. Well, I wanted to be honest, so I didn't wanted to fake surprise. I said I already knew and I could feel she was very confused. I said Emo told me but that I never brought up the topic woth her because I was waiting her time, I wanted her to feel ready by herself. She gladly understood this part and where I was coming from. But she asked if Emo said anything more than just "hey, me and princess broken up" and I will admit, I panicked a bit. Honestly, I don't think it's my fault that I know everything about the cheating and their last fight: boy wanted somebody to talk and spilled everything from his heart, as a friend I listened to him. But as a friend I don't think I can expose his conversations with me to Princess because that would be gossip, so that's why I gave her this answer: "No, he just said you two broke up. Nothing more. I still don't know if I did the right thing. Part of me feels like she would feel horrible to know that I know all the things that happened to them (I mean, she didn't say to me those parts for a reason, right?) and I something I take very seriously in friendships is privacy and loyalty. I don't think is right to tell her about Emo's conversation with me, as much as I never told Emo about any chat I had with princess. They're both my friends, I have commitment to both of them.
But part of me feels like a straight up bitch about lying. I remember I went to sleep that night with my heart hammering in my chest. My mom says I am a good friend to both of them. But my best friend said she would give a different and 100% honest answer to princess if she was in my place.
Help me.
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kteezy997 · 1 day
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Daddy’s Boy- Part Seven//t.c.
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Warning: some angst
It was an extremely filling breakfast at the local diner, and you had a great time with the two boys. A part of you felt giddy, like you were on a date that your son just happened to join. You felt like something was really blossoming between you and Timmy again.
Timmy had forbidden you to pay the breakfast bill, and Theo was playing the claw machine piled high with stuffed animals nearby. You had an idea that had been brewing during the meal.
“So I was just thinking: maybe tonight Theo and I could stay at your place? Or maybe just him, if you want to spend time with him one on one.” you hoped he would say “Oh no, I would love for you to come, too.”
Timmy's eyes widened, and he didn’t immediately agree.
Your heart dropped and you were instantly embarrassed.
“Oh, well I would love to have you both, but I have plans tonight, actually.” he slid his hand into his pocket, retrieving his wallet to pay.
You nodded, feeling almost sick to your stomach, “I see. What plans do you have?” you shook your head, knowing you had overstepped, and maybe assumed too much. “No, it’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s okay. It’s just…I’m meeting someone for dinner. A coworker. She, um, asked me to dinner. It’s not that big of a deal.” Timmy tried to brush the whole thing off in front of you.
“She? It’s a date? That’s nice, Timmy.” you weren’t being condescending, but you were masking your true feelings.
He looked at you, shook his head, his curls going wild just for a second, “Not really a date. It’s just dinner.”
“I bet she likes you. Everyone likes you.” And I have fumbled you.
“I hate that stupid game!” Theo grumbled as he came back over to the table.
You cleared your throat, looking at your son, “Hey, we don’t say those words, and you know that.”
“Sorry, Mom. It’s just that I never win anything.” the boy frowned, picking up his little cup of chocolate milk and taking a swig.
“It’s okay, bud, you have plenty of toys at home. And I’ll tell you something that’ll make you feel better.” Timmy said, leaning across the table.
Theo perked up, his eyes glued to his father, “What, what is it?”
“You are gonna come spend the night with me tomorrow night.” he grinned.
“Yeah!" Theo cheered, throwing his arms up in the air like he had won a prize from the claw machine after all, "Sleepover at Daddy’s! Can I bring my Hot Wheels?”
"You can bring whatever you want." Timmy said.
You gave him a look from across the table.
"Within reason." he added.
.............
You were a bit of an emotional wreck for the rest of the day. Timmy went home and you talked Theo into spending the night at your parents' house. You needed a break. You needed time to think.
You needed to talk to someone about your situation with Timmy. You had begun to think that you had let him slip through your fingers, and now you were worried that you would only be Theo's mom in Timmy’s eyes and not a potential partner.
You asked your best friend Lucie to come over and she came through with pizza and her listening, compassionate ears. You had told her everything. She had always liked Timmy; she thought that you were a great match together, and she adored Theo.
"I don't know, Luce, what if he goes out with this other woman and they start dating? My life would be ruined having to see him with someone else.” you put your hand to your head, “And it would be another thing that Theo would have to get used to. Things were going so good. I should have just told him that I wanted to be with him."
"Y/n, you have trauma, not necessarily from Timmy, but from the breakup and not having Theo's father around. Of course, you were skeptical about putting yourself back out there, and you were right to not rush something that you weren't sure about. Especially since you also have Theo’s well-being to consider.”
You sighed, knowing that she was right. "But if it was the right thing, why do I feel like this? It's too late to do anything now."
Lucie frowned, "Who says it's too late? You could leave right now, and stop him from going on that date."
You laughed, "Right now? That's crazy! He could be gone already.
"Let's go, let's go right now!" she said, "We can try to catch him." Lucie grabbed your hand, pulling you, and rushing out of your home. "You are going to tell that man that you love him, and you want to raise Theo together and make more babies." she said, matter-of-factly.
"This is insane!" you yelled, getting into your best friend's car and she sped off into the night. You could feel the adrenaline and exhilaration that the moment was bringing.
…….
You knocked the door of Timmy's apartment, not even certain if he was home. All you had was hope. After a moment, your stomach went sour as there was no answer. You decided to give up, as he was probably out on his date.
You swallowed your pride and realized that it was time to come to terms with your relationship, or lack thereof, with Timmy. This night could be detrimental to your life going forward. He could have a new girlfriend, and everything between you and him would wash away with the changing tide. You decided to walk away.
You were walking away from the door, when suddenly, you heard the turning of a the door knob.
"Y/n?"
You turned around quickly, seeing Timmy standing in the doorway that you had just left. "Timmy." you said, going back over to him, feeling a little dazed because you couldn't believe he was actually there. It wasn't too late!
"Are you okay? Is Theo okay, wh-where is he?" the concern in his eyes made you feel terrible guilt. You had caused him to needlessly worry.
"Oh we're fine! Everything is fine! He's with my parents for the night." you assured him. "I just had to come and see you."
"Y/n, what's going on?" his face softened as he looked at you.
"Timothee, I don't, I don't want you to go on this date tonight, I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. And maybe I have no right to say that to you, but-"
"I won't go if you don't want me to." he shook his head, gazing down at you, so tenderly.
You couldn't help but smile a little at what he had said, and for the first time, you felt like your feelings and assumptions were validated. "I love you, Timmy. I've always loved you. I love the man you are and the father you are becoming to our son. I think we... should be together." you felt your throat tighten up with the nerves you were feeling.
He grinned, saying, "I hate that we were ever apart." He took your hand, pulling you close to him.
In an instant, you felt warm and tingly in the best way. You were mush when you were this close to him. You felt at home.
"Come here." He put his forehead to yours, wrapping his arms around you and shutting the door behind you. "I love you too." he kissed your lips softly, then parting to add, "And I love our boy more than anything."
You threw your arms around him as well, and you pressed your lips to his. Your heart and your body were on fire. After a moment, you were making out shamelessly.
Timmy picked you up and took you over to the couch.
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