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theloveinc · 6 months

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More professor drama? 👀

yes. and boy did it break. my. heart :) ...

I'm in a math class, right? And it's catered towards non-majors who're just looking to fulfill a specific credit so we don't have to pay to test out. and i'm HELLA bad at math but i really enjoy this class b/c the teacher and TA are so helpful and kind and i'm actually learning etc. etc.

anyway, out of the blue my counselor (who is unrelated to math AT ALL) reaches out to schedule a reflection on the class with the head of my grad department (and would not tell me why)... only to postpone the meeting for two weeks, and THEN TELL ME I'VE BEEN BEHAVING POORLY IN MY CLASS???? not grades related, BEHAVIOR RELATED.

and so i'm fucking like, stunned and confused, i keep asking what i've done, why isn't the actually prof. talking to me, what i need to do, etc. and no one tells me shit until i'm literally SOBBING on this zoom meeting because apparently i'm being punished??

and finally i guess i cry hard enough for them to believe it was all unintentional and i DON'T know what they're talking about, and they fucking. tell me that i've been asking "too many questions" such that the whole class is distracted AND that i've been refusing to work with the TA (which isn't even true?????) ...

which is ridiculous bc the professor himself has NEVER mentioned to me that i ask for help too much, and i've been working with the TA since the beginning of the class???????

so i'm completely fucking blindsided by this bc i genuinely. LOVED. this class, so to find out I'VE BEEN A PROBLEM IS REALLY DEVASTATING.

and i go to email my teacher and ta apologies, just reflecting on like, how sorry i am my behavior came across so poorly and etc. AND ESSENTIALLY THEY JUST CONFIRM THAT I WAS A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS. like my profs response, deadass, is "how classy of you to parlay.." LIKE WTF?????

and this whole. fucking time. i genuinely had absolutely no clue. NONE.

#and everyone i explain this to tells me it's super wacko that happened #bc either the prof should've told me or the advisors should've warned me #so it was just weird all the way around bc i thought my professor reported that i was scared for my grade #turns out he reported that i take up too much time asking for help with problems #which like. wtf am i supposed to do #and my advisor is like ' well we just want u to use this as a learning experience in case u ever have a student who demands all ur attentio #and im genuinely just like. I WAS BEING HELPED. I WANT TO HELP STUDENTS LIKE THAT. its just so weird that #i thought i was showing gratitude and friendship only for everyone to like. lowkey think im rude ... for asking for help #it's insane... i truly can't figure out if i'm at fault and if i am how can i change???#i dont even want to go to class now #anyway if u read all this... god bless u #but yeesh its a lot #and yea i just ended up sorta crying the rest of the day bc i loved that prof so much and i feel a little betrayed #sigh #caitie answers #anon

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bewby · 1 year

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when you get blocked by him even tgough you guys barely even talk anymore but the last time you talked which was about a week ago you actually had a nice and healthy conversation and you had alot of love for eachother and it seemed amazing 😂😂😍😍😍😍 no i'm definitely not fucking crying Lol

#it has been 3 years and i'm still here crying over this #well technically it has been about 1 year but also not really. i mean. we stopped talking around december ir smth last year #so it makes sense that this wound is still pretty fresh and will take some time to heal but i'm like. hahhaha #he's still my best friend and this really makes me sad #because i really love him and we even hung out together on genshin for some time #and we sent eachother really nice messages and i told him he xan always come to me no matter what and that i'm always here for him #and that if he's ever in a crisis he can even come see me he doesn't even have to ask #and now i'm blocked. hshdjckdjdhjf #i mean why am i surprised. he has every right to. and i'm his ex . and he likes someone else now #but it still really hurts because i wish i could be a better friend to him at least. but i can't talk to anyone these days #but especially with him it hurts so much because i actually know him so so well and it hurts so much more . like. we know eachother since #i was like. 16 and he was 18. it's insane!!!!!! we share a fucking birthday!!!!! i wanna die!!!!!!#i need to accept that it's over since like years but you can't just do that when you really love someone and care for them #haha . this really sucks alot #i know i need to just move along and i try i do but i will never stop having love for him even if it's just platonic it's so deep like wow #i donmt even know how to explain it and my love for him took over my entire life for years to the point where i turned into an absolute #nobody and it worried him so much too so obviously it makes sense that this takes some time . but God ahhahahshshshahah. ahhahahshsah #i feel so sad and i'm allowed to feel sad . but wjen i feel sad it feels like i'm fucking dying #wow. okay i'll stop now #he has every right to block me but he's my best friend so it hurts. that's all

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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three months later and i still think it wouldve been the funniest thing in the universe if daigo and masato were A Thing at any point in time

#masadai #snap chats #i made that initial post in november and man.... brainrot got worse i may not show it but i think of them every night #like Obvious Emos Is Obvious but theyre such funny ‘rivals’ if i can even label them like that #like they never had personal beef with each other but my brain can justify comparing them enough to make it seem legit enough #i blame my brother actually he put the brainrot back in my head with shit he said tonight #we were just joking around and talking about how funny itd be if aoki showed up after every one of daigos cringe fail moments #and its like. At The Funeral daigo sitting alone with mitsuo and he just kinda turns around #bro all ‘yeah yk in retrospect he made me think of an old friend of mine.. ambitious.. had pretty bad trust issues... capitalist’#and mitsuo just squinting like ‘...sir do you have a type im very concerned about your type’ and then daigo has a mental breakdown #denyin it like No Its Different Mitsu Please... but majima on the other side of the room like #HES A FREAK I KNEW IT YOURE JUST LIKE THE REST OF US DAI-CHAN #MY BROTHER REALLY WAS LIKE ‘and now mitsuo has to explain to ichiban why the chairman has his head in its hands #and its cause he kinkshamed him at the funeral’ LIKE ???? NEVER EXPECTED MY CONSIDERABLY-MORE-NORMAL-THAN-ME BROTHER TO SAY THAT #WHEN I SAY I GASPED #daigos kink is capitalists you hate to see it #i dont have steam or time to draw anymore we just have to take my insane ramblings instead #im forcing images into peoples brains one way or another #so if you see me make more masadai text posts. SORRY #i just like smacking my faves against each other like barbie dolls

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roaringroa · 1 year

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oficially diagnosed with adhd babeyyyyyyy

#this is so funny to me cause if you asked me a year ago if i thought i had adhd i would confidently have said no #but then in the middle of a therapy session i could almost see the imaginary lamp over my therapist's head turn on #and she said you know what? i think you should investigate if you have adhd #and i was a little skeptical about it but i mentioned it to my parents and they were like hold on... she's right #and then on the same week i was hanging out with a newly made friend and outta nowhere she stopped me and asked if i had adhd #so i was like welp... maybe i do #and then i made a psychiatrist appointment who sent me to a neuropsychologist to take multiple tests involving logical thinking memory #attention span etc etc #i did very high on logical thinking but the attention part was low and the memory part was average #which means i can't pay attention well but the moments that i do i retain and can understand well #it explains a lot cause i had literally no trouble with school like i was top5 students in my school up until 9th grade cause we didn't have #to do any long term studying or projects or whatever #but then in high school when things got more complicated and i HAD to pay attention to understand concepts things got much harder #i couldn't just logic my way out of exams anymore and also i had way more classes #like when i had afternoon classes (two times a week) i literally just gave up cause i knew i couldn't pay attention #but i mean i still passed every class with no final exams or anything but i went from a 90% student to a 65% one #(except in humanities i love you humanities)#and then i got into college and the pandemic hit and online classes were absolutely awful like it was truly bad for me #i was a portuguese major for a year and a half and i honest to god don't remember 5% of what i was supposed to know #again i did well on my tests and stuff i had a 88% average but like #that was solely from panicking pre due dates and crying and doing the little reading i absolutely had to do 10 hours before the exam was due #and then immediately forgetting everything the second i hit send #i think there were maybe 5 ocasions during the whole year and a half where i was able to actually pay attention during an online class #most of the time i tried for like 3 minutes and gave up #and it really made me sad cause i thought i was just a lazy ass throwing my college experience away #which made me extra upset cause i was studying in like basically the best college in the country #and it's a public one so the people were paying for my studies only for me to throw it all away??#anyway it was a tough time for me mentally and this diagnosis makes me feel so relieved #like when i can't pay attention it's because of the way my brian opperates and not my character #my post

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newsworth · 1 year

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“ it was enough to feel her mind ruminate with a tactile presence in the room until it manifested on her tongue, and an interesting privilege to watch it assume its power as the subtle humanity of her expression retreated back into her skin, instilling within him a fascination, like for whatever waiting in the dark. this is why she belongs here. this is why i came here. “

#ooc.#chris is in love with this woman in a way that we do not yet have the language to comprehend or explain #it is the purest version of himself and the axis on which all his first instincts turn #and you can strip everything else away from him but you'll never take away that which belongs to her but lives inside him #im SICK #im so fucking sick dude #cal dont look at me i was thinking about her lavender fucking bath soap and went feral

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foldingfittedsheets · 24 days

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Something that literally changed my life was working with a friend on a coding thing. He was helping me create an auto rig script and was trying to explain something to me but his words were just turning into static in my brain. I was tired and confused and there was so many new concepts happening.

I could feel myself working toward a crying meltdown and was getting preemptively ashamed of what was about to happen when he said, “Hey, are you someone who benefits from breaks?”

It broke me.

Did I benefit from breaks? I didn’t know. I’d never taken them.

When a problem frustrated or upset me I just gritted my teeth and plowed through the emotional distress because eventually if you batter and flail at something long enough you figure it out. So what if you get bruised on the way.

I viscerally remembered in that moment being forced to sit at the table late into the night with my dad screaming at me, trying to understand math. I remembered taking that with me into adulthood and having breakdowns every week trying to understand coding. I could have taken a break? Would it help? I didn’t know! I’d never taken one!

“Yes,” I told him. We paused our call. I ate lunch. I focused on other stuff for half an hour. I came back in a significantly better state of mind, and the thing he’d been trying to explain had been gently cooking in the back of my head and seemed easier to understand.

Now when I find myself gritting my teeth at problems I can hear his gentle voice asking if I benefit from breaks. Yes, dear god, yes why did I never get taught breaks? Why was the only way I knew to keep suffering until something worked?

I was relating to this same friend recently my roadtrip to the redwoods with my wife. “We stopped every hour or so to get out and stretch our legs and switch drivers. It was really nice. When I was a kid we’d just drive twelve hours straight and not stop for anything, just gas. We’d eat in the car and power through.”

He gave a wry smile, immediately connecting the mindset of my parents on a road trip to what they’d instilled in me about brute forcing through discomfort. “Do you benefit from breaks?” he echoed, drawing my attention to it, making me smile with the same sad acknowledgement.

Take breaks. You’re allowed. You don’t have to slam into problems over and over and over, let yourself rest. It will get easier. Take. Breaks.

#ramblies #advice #take breaks

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phantomrose96 · 2 months

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If anyone wants to know why every tech company in the world right now is clamoring for AI like drowned rats scrabbling to board a ship, I decided to make a post to explain what's happening.

(Disclaimer to start: I'm a software engineer who's been employed full time since 2018. I am not a historian nor an overconfident Youtube essayist, so this post is my working knowledge of what I see around me and the logical bridges between pieces.)

Okay anyway. The explanation starts further back than what's going on now. I'm gonna start with the year 2000. The Dot Com Bubble just spectacularly burst. The model of "we get the users first, we learn how to profit off them later" went out in a no-money-having bang (remember this, it will be relevant later). A lot of money was lost. A lot of people ended up out of a job. A lot of startup companies went under. Investors left with a sour taste in their mouth and, in general, investment in the internet stayed pretty cooled for that decade. This was, in my opinion, very good for the internet as it was an era not suffocating under the grip of mega-corporation oligarchs and was, instead, filled with Club Penguin and I Can Haz Cheezburger websites.

Then around the 2010-2012 years, a few things happened. Interest rates got low, and then lower. Facebook got huge. The iPhone took off. And suddenly there was a huge new potential market of internet users and phone-havers, and the cheap money was available to start backing new tech startup companies trying to hop on this opportunity. Companies like Uber, Netflix, and Amazon either started in this time, or hit their ramp-up in these years by shifting focus to the internet and apps.

Now, every start-up tech company dreaming of being the next big thing has one thing in common: they need to start off by getting themselves massively in debt. Because before you can turn a profit you need to first spend money on employees and spend money on equipment and spend money on data centers and spend money on advertising and spend money on scale and and and

But also, everyone wants to be on the ship for The Next Big Thing that takes off to the moon.

So there is a mutual interest between new tech companies, and venture capitalists who are willing to invest $$$ into said new tech companies. Because if the venture capitalists can identify a prize pig and get in early, that money could come back to them 100-fold or 1,000-fold. In fact it hardly matters if they invest in 10 or 20 total bust projects along the way to find that unicorn.

But also, becoming profitable takes time. And that might mean being in debt for a long long time before that rocket ship takes off to make everyone onboard a gazzilionaire.

But luckily, for tech startup bros and venture capitalists, being in debt in the 2010's was cheap, and it only got cheaper between 2010 and 2020. If people could secure loans for ~3% or 4% annual interest, well then a $100,000 loan only really costs $3,000 of interest a year to keep afloat. And if inflation is higher than that or at least similar, you're still beating the system.

So from 2010 through early 2022, times were good for tech companies. Startups could take off with massive growth, showing massive potential for something, and venture capitalists would throw infinite money at them in the hopes of pegging just one winner who will take off. And supporting the struggling investments or the long-haulers remained pretty cheap to keep funding.

You hear constantly about "Such and such app has 10-bazillion users gained over the last 10 years and has never once been profitable", yet the thing keeps chugging along because the investors backing it aren't stressed about the immediate future, and are still banking on that "eventually" when it learns how to really monetize its users and turn that profit.

The pandemic in 2020 took a magnifying-glass-in-the-sun effect to this, as EVERYTHING was forcibly turned online which pumped a ton of money and workers into tech investment. Simultaneously, money got really REALLY cheap, bottoming out with historic lows for interest rates.

Then the tide changed with the massive inflation that struck late 2021. Because this all-gas no-brakes state of things was also contributing to off-the-rails inflation (along with your standard-fare greedflation and price gouging, given the extremely convenient excuses of pandemic hardships and supply chain issues). The federal reserve whipped out interest rate hikes to try to curb this huge inflation, which is like a fire extinguisher dousing and suffocating your really-cool, actively-on-fire party where everyone else is burning but you're in the pool. And then they did this more, and then more. And the financial climate followed suit. And suddenly money was not cheap anymore, and new loans became expensive, because loans that used to compound at 2% a year are now compounding at 7 or 8% which, in the language of compounding, is a HUGE difference. A $100,000 loan at a 2% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, accrues to $121,899. A $100,000 loan at an 8% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, more than doubles to $215,892.

Now it is scary and risky to throw money at "could eventually be profitable" tech companies. Now investors are watching companies burn through their current funding and, when the companies come back asking for more, investors are tightening their coin purses instead. The bill is coming due. The free money is drying up and companies are under compounding pressure to produce a profit for their waiting investors who are now done waiting.

You get enshittification. You get quality going down and price going up. You get "now that you're a captive audience here, we're forcing ads or we're forcing subscriptions on you." Don't get me wrong, the plan was ALWAYS to monetize the users. It's just that it's come earlier than expected, with way more feet-to-the-fire than these companies were expecting. ESPECIALLY with Wall Street as the other factor in funding (public) companies, where Wall Street exhibits roughly the same temperament as a baby screaming crying upset that it's soiled its own diaper (maybe that's too mean a comparison to babies), and now companies are being put through the wringer for anything LESS than infinite growth that Wall Street demands of them.

Internal to the tech industry, you get MASSIVE wide-spread layoffs. You get an industry that used to be easy to land multiple job offers shriveling up and leaving recent graduates in a desperately awful situation where no company is hiring and the market is flooded with laid-off workers trying to get back on their feet.

Because those coin-purse-clutching investors DO love virtue-signaling efforts from companies that say "See! We're not being frivolous with your money! We only spend on the essentials." And this is true even for MASSIVE, PROFITABLE companies, because those companies' value is based on the Rich Person Feeling Graph (their stock) rather than the literal profit money. A company making a genuine gazillion dollars a year still tears through layoffs and freezes hiring and removes the free batteries from the printer room (totally not speaking from experience, surely) because the investors LOVE when you cut costs and take away employee perks. The "beer on tap, ping pong table in the common area" era of tech is drying up. And we're still unionless.

Never mind that last part.

And then in early 2023, AI (more specifically, Chat-GPT which is OpenAI's Large Language Model creation) tears its way into the tech scene with a meteor's amount of momentum. Here's Microsoft's prize pig, which it invested heavily in and is galivanting around the pig-show with, to the desperate jealousy and rapture of every other tech company and investor wishing it had that pig. And for the first time since the interest rate hikes, investors have dollar signs in their eyes, both venture capital and Wall Street alike. They're willing to restart the hose of money (even with the new risk) because this feels big enough for them to take the risk.

Now all these companies, who were in varying stages of sweating as their bill came due, or wringing their hands as their stock prices tanked, see a single glorious gold-plated rocket up out of here, the likes of which haven't been seen since the free money days. It's their ticket to buy time, and buy investors, and say "see THIS is what will wring money forth, finally, we promise, just let us show you."

To be clear, AI is NOT profitable yet. It's a money-sink. Perhaps a money-black-hole. But everyone in the space is so wowed by it that there is a wide-spread and powerful conviction that it will become profitable and earn its keep. (Let's be real, half of that profit "potential" is the promise of automating away jobs of pesky employees who peskily cost money.) It's a tech-space industrial revolution that will automate away skilled jobs, and getting in on the ground floor is the absolute best thing you can do to get your pie slice's worth.

It's the thing that will win investors back. It's the thing that will get the investment money coming in again (or, get it second-hand if the company can be the PROVIDER of something needed for AI, which other companies with venture-back will pay handsomely for). It's the thing companies are terrified of missing out on, lest it leave them utterly irrelevant in a future where not having AI-integration is like not having a mobile phone app for your company or not having a website.

So I guess to reiterate on my earlier point:

Drowned rats. Swimming to the one ship in sight.

#chrissy speaks #long post #-gestures broadly-

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cheeseanonioncrisps · 2 months

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A murder mystery film set in a medieval village. After an outbreak of plague, the villagers make the decision to shut their borders so as to protect the disease from spreading (see the real life case of the village of Eyam). As the disease decimates the population, however, some bodies start showing up that very obviously were not killed by plague.

Since nobody has been in or out since the outbreak began, the killer has to be somebody in the local community.

The village constable (who is essentially just Some Guy, because being a medieval constable was a bit like getting jury duty, if jury duty gave you the power to arrest people) struggles to investigate the crime without exposing himself to the disease, and to maintain order as the plague-stricken villagers begin to turn on each other.

The killer strikes repeatedly, seemingly taking advantage of the empty streets and forced isolation to strike without witnesses. As with any other murder mystery, the audience is given exactly the same information to solve the crime as the detective.

Except, that is, whenever another character is killed, at which point we cut to the present day where said character's remains are being carefully examined by a team of modern archaeologists and historians who are also trying to figure out why so many of the people in this plague-pit died from blunt force trauma.

The archaeologists and historians, btw, are real experts who haven't been allowed to read the script. The filmmakers just give them a model of the victim's remains, along with some artefacts, and they have to treat it like a real case and give their real opinion on how they think this person died.

We then cut back to the past, where the constable is trying to do the same thing. Unlike the archaeologists, he doesn't have the advantage of modern tech and medical knowledge to examine the body, but he does have a more complete crime scene (since certain clues obviously wouldn't survive to be dug up in the modern day) and personal knowledge from having probably known the victim.

The audience then gets a more complete picture than either group, and an insight into both the strengths and limits of modern archaeology, explaining what we can and can't learn from studying a person's remains.

At the end of the film, after the killer is revealed and the main plot is resolved, we then get to see the archaeologists get shown the actual scenes where their 'victims' were killed, so they can see how well their conclusions match up with what 'really' happened.

#film ideas #plotbunny #murder mystery #detective stories #period dramas #middle ages #history #archaeology

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