#so we cant make you shut up. christ i hate people

[mydarllinglover]

SafeHouse || Four

Previous

"Keira? what the bloody hell are you doing here?" My brother, Ron asked me as he and Hermione met me in the quidditch stands for the Gryffindors practise

"same as you Ronald, watching their practise" I said as if it was obvious

"But you hate the cold, and the outside, and Quidditch"

"Oh, Ronald, people can change you know, besides I seem to really enjoy it now" I huffed and folded my arms across my chest

"More like enjoying the sight of Oliver Wood" Hermione teased

"What?! Keira! He's four years older than you"

"Is that a Slytherin?" There was my sweet Scottish man "You're gonna have ta leave" He flew up to where we were sat, waving at me to shoo off

"Me?! I'm just here to watch the same as these two" I furrowed my eyebrows

"Sorry, Weasley, I cant be having other teams watching my practises, who knows who you could be telling"

"but I- ugh fine, your not even that cute anyway" I rolled my eyes as I stood up and brushed myself off and headed back to ground

"What did she-

"Just ignore her" I could hear my brothers eye roll from here

"Bye Keira, ta ta" My other Brothers, Fred and George waved at me, both with matching grins as i stomped back to the castle.

                                  •

"Hey, GinGin!" I greeted my little sister in a sing song tone

"Keira" she smiled back at me

"What do you know about Wood?" I asked her as I squished myself up next to her on the Gryffindor table at lunch.

"Well, He's the Gryffindors quidditch team captain, he's four years older than you-

"why does everyone keep mentioning that" I cut her off

"and its his final year"

"wait!" I stopped her

"What?"

"I'm fourteen in march, so he wont be that much older than me, when's his birthday?!" i wiggled my eyebrows

"I dont know, Keira go ask Percy, they are in the same year" she rolled her eyes

"Brilliant, thanks Gin" i kissed her head, her trying to get out of my hold, and rushed off to find my oldest brother at Hogwarts.

"Jesus Christ Percy, where the bloody hell are you?" I sighed as I walked out the library

I had searched everywhere, the Great Hall, the library, the stairs and in front of the fat lady portrait. I had no idea where he might be.

Feeling defeated, I was on my way to the dungeons, feeling sweaty, wanting a lie down and relax.

As I turned the corner I caught sight of him, lip locking with some Ravenclaw girl, wait I remember Ginny briefly mentioning her in the catch up of the last few years I missed, her name was something murkyocean, nah that wasn't right, oh well, Percy looked pretty busy for the moment so I decided to just let the whole thing go and accept defeat.

"Miss Weasley, what are you doing?"

"Professor Dumbledore?! what are you doing sneaking up on people?!"

"I beg your pardon, Miss Weasley, but as the headmaster of the school I was making my rounds when I saw you hiding behind the corner, is there something suspicious happening on the other side?" He asked me as I froze up over what I just did and he leaned over the corner a bit to try and see, but was met with nothing as Percy and cleansea had already disappeared.

                                   •

"What?! you really said that to Dumbledore?!" Hermione gasped,Her, Ron and I were currently walking back from Hogsmeade for the first time, sadly Harry couldn't come as he had no one to sign his permission slips, I offered to forge a signature, as well as Fred and George but he wasn't having it.

"What do you expect, he's the one who jumped out on me, who does that to someone" I rolled my eyes

"I feel bad for Harry" Ron sighed "He would love it here"

"yeah, well at least we got him a bunch of his favourite sweets from honeydukes to cheer him up" I smiled and shook the bag

"Oh, and Keira, you were only joking when you said you were gonna kiss Harry, right?"

"Yeah? why" I asked Ron, dragging out the y

"phew, its just that the bloody git hasn't shut up about you since, and frankly, its annoying hearing your name all the time" Ron rolled his eyes

"Gee thanks Ronald"

"you know she's in love with Oliver right" Hermione giggled

"I am not!" I protested "I just wanna get married and have his babies" I laughed until Ron smacked my arm with the back of his hand, giving me a death glare

"Thats not funny!" he narrowed his eyebrows

"you do realise that one day we are both going to find someone, right? and instead of being bossy and annoying such as yourself, I will accept Hermione with loving arms" I shrugged my shoulders, Hermione choked on her saliva and Ron froze up

"I- what- no, me and Ron- Never-

"I would never, how could- thats rubbish-" they both stuttered at the same time

"I'll leave you two lovebirds alone, shall I?"

"Wait, Keira no! You can stay, don't go" Hermione called after me but I was already heading up to the castle.

When I entered the Slytherin common room after dinner, I was pleasantly surprised to find it empty, apart from a small group of first years playing wizards chess in the corner. It actually gave me a chance to have a proper look around the room for the first time, and examine the extravagant details, apart from it being bloody freezing and the lurking rumour of evilness shadowing the room, it was quite lovely.

Seizing the opportunity, I decided to grab my divination book and do some reading, I was with Hermione on the subject being a pile of nonsense but never the less, I wanted to pass my classes.

I had been reading for over ten minutes, making notes in the margins along the pages until an insufferable git had interrupted me.

"Well well well, what a rare sighting, Weasley is actually spending time in her own house" I could Hear Malfoys mocking tone leaning over me "How very peculiar to see her not with her dim witted brother, scarface and the MudBl-

"Finish that sentence Malfoy, and I will make you regret it" I threatened, our faces only inches apart as I held my wand up to his throat, my other hand clutching his jumper

His friends watched, waiting on Malfoy to call them to take care of me, but before they could jump in, one of our prefects had barged through the room, eyeing us suspiciously before making an announcement to the students, that I hadn't even realised started filling the room

"Everyone must head to the Great Hall immediately" He told us

"Whats happened?" A Forth year asked

"I dont know, we just got told to tell everyone to head to the Great Hall, so come on, hurry up" He ushered us

I reluctantly lowed my wand, letting go of my grip on Malfoy, and following the other students out of the dungeons

Walking into the Great hall, I searched all across the sea of students, looking for a head full of red hair, Fred and George were the first to catch my attention and I bounded for them

"Guys!" I grabbed their attention and they spun in sync to greet me

"Keira!" Fred cheered as I looped both my arms around each of their necks and bringing them into a hug

"Are you guys okay, is anyone hurt?!" I asked them

"Calm down, will ya, everyone's okay" George grinned

"Except the fat lady, she's spooked"

"Serves her right, she was a shit singer"

"Wheres the others?" I brought their attention back to me and out of their conversation

"You really think that we know where everyone is"

"what their doing "

"every minute"

"of everyday?" They both exchanged knowing looks with one another, as if they were hiding a secret

"don't be stupid Keira" George patted my head

"but turn around" Fred said as he grabbed my shoulders and turned me around, seeing Ron talking with Harry and Hermione, Ginny with some of her friends, gossiping about the situation most likely and then Percy, making note of all the Gryffindors he could see.

"Your welcome!" George shouted after me as I went towards the trio

"You all okay?" I asked them

"Keira!" Hermione greeted me with a smile "are you okay?"

"I just asked you that" I laughed

"They think Blacks in the castle" Ron paled, just thinking about it

"yeah, i know" I rolled my eyes "Harry, how are you?" I asked the boy who looked to be stuck in his own thoughts, my voice breaking him out of his trance

"Hm?, what? oh right yeah, I'm okay, glad no ones hurt" He blushed

"The teachers and I need to conduct a thorough search of the castle"Professor Dumbledore announced, cutting off all conversations "I'm afraid that, for your own safety, you will have to spend the night here. I want the prefects to stand guard over the entrances to the Hall and i am leaving the Head boy and girl in charge. Any disturbance should be reported to me immediately" he added, to my brother Percy "send word with one of the ghosts"

Professor Dumbledore paused, about to leave the Hall "Oh, yes, you'll be needing ..."

with a wave of his wand, the long tables flew to the edges of the hall and stood themselves against the walls, another wave and the floor was covered with hundreds of squishy purple sleeping bags.

"sleep well" he waved his hand, walking out the door.

Conversations broke out instantly, The Gryffindors excitedly rushing to tell the other houses what had happened, and my poor older brother trying to get everyone to behave and to their sleeping bags.

"C'mon" Ron said to us, we seized four sleeping bags, dragging them to a lonely corner.

"So what actually happened to the fat lady?" I asked them "Fred and George said she was spooked"

"When we went up there, a crowd was stood outside, Ron guessed Neville had forgotten the password-

Which I didn't, by the way!"  Neville cut Hermione off from a distance away from us, causing Hermione to lower her voice so no one could hear our conversation

"Anyway, Thats when we noticed that the fat lady was missing, and there were deep cuts all down the painting, she claims it was him" Hermione whispered

"Do you think Blacks still in the castle?" I asked them, anxiously.

"Dumbledore obviously thinks he might be" Ron replied

"Its very lucky he picked tonight, you know" Hermione told us as we crawled inside the sleeping bags, propping ourselves up on our elbows, I cringed at the feeling of my jeans in the sleeping bag. "The one night we weren't in the tower ..."

"I reckon he's lost track of time, being on the run" Ron shrugged

"Makes sense, didn't realise it was Halloween. Otherwise he would have come bursting in here" I finished his thought, Hermione shuddering at the idea.

Conversations broke out about how Sirius Black could have possibly broke in, eventually Hermione had shut them down with facts from Hogwarts, a History, and logic, I zoned out at the chaotic conversations, my focus on Harry, and how he had sat in silence this whole time.

I nudged his arm, grabbing his attention before I spoke "Are you sure you're okay? Its fine if you're not, given whats going on"

"I'm fine" he nodded "just thinking"

"The lights are going out now!"Percy shouted "I want everyone in their sleeping bags and no more talking!"

I rolled my eyes at his orders but dropped my elbows and turned around to look upwards as the Hall fell into silence, and eventually darkness.

I had been staring at The Great Hall ceiling for quite some time now, counting the hours by how many teachers would come in to check on everything, the soft snores of sleeping students working as white noise, I was focused  on the swirling clouds until a conversation broke the blissful silence.

I could make out the faint voices of Snape and Dumbledore discussing something.

I quickly turned on my side, facing the wall, and pretended I was asleep as their footsteps drew nearer and I could make better sense out of what they were saying

"it seems - almost impossible - that Black could have entered the school without inside help. I did express my concerns when you appointed-"

"I do not believe a single person inside this castle would have helped Black enter it" Dumbledore cut Snape off "I must go down to the Dementors, I said i would inform them when our search was complete" As they walked off, their conversation got harder to hear, Percy joining it again until Dumbledore left, a few moments passed until eventually Snape followed after.

I opened my eyes and turned facing Harry's Green ones and Ron's matching blue ones beside him, I looked to my side to spot Hermione still awake as well. All four of us having confused faces

"What was that all about?" Ron mouthed to us.

                                  •

Sirius Black had been the only topic of discussion in the past few days at Hogwarts, and frankly I was sick of hearing the many rumours conjured up about him, mostly from the slytherins.

I hadn't seen much of my friends since spending the night with them in The Great Hall, they had been a lot more secretive and less about, and being in different houses it was a lot harder to find them.

Me being the stubborn cow that I was, I had decided I had enough of hiding away from the Slytherins, more specifically the ones in my year and that I was done staying away from them, if I felt like spending time in the common room, i bloody well would, it couldn't possibly be that hard to ignore their taunts, and who knows maybe we might all be able to get along, ha. fat chance, but My mother always said it was helpful to be hopeful, or something like that. 

So there I was for the mean time, sat on one of the leather sofa's in the Slytherin common room, working on some homework after my last class of the day, Herbology.

"You know, its quite rude to stare at people" I said to the two boys who had been sat opposite me and having a discussion for the past five minutes, their stare burning on me every few seconds, I finally looked up from my books and parchment to meet their eyes.

I had no idea what their names were, not really taking notice or caring about any of the Slytherins in my year really but I knew they were friends, or at least acquaintances with Malfoy, the only ones I knew were Malfoy of course as well as his trollish body guards, Crabbe and Goyle, and then my dorm buddies, Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bullstrode, Tracey Davis and Daphne Greengrass.

I looked between the two boys, the first one, who I had heard talk a lot more than the second, I could tell was tall, maybe not as tall as Ron, but then again, he was sitting down, he was skinny as well, not a lot of muscle, he had chestnut brown hair that fell in light curls with a fringe that he sometimes blew out of his grey eyes.

His friend who was sat next to him, was also obviously tall with the build of a chaser, he had dark skin and high cheekbones, he was model worthy.

I noticed how they were both handsome, the dark skinned one looked at me with a frown etched on his beautiful face, as if he didn't want to be anywhere near me, how pleasant.

"I'm sorry, do I know you or something?" I asked them, suffocating under their stare

"You're Weasleys sister, right?" The lighter skinned boy asked

"Yes, as far as I am aware, and you are?" I asked, not really caring if I got an answer

"Theodore Nott, and this is Blaise Zabini" Theodore introduced him and his friend

"Okay, well you obviously already know my Last name but I'm Keira-

"Meaning little dark one" Theo said, with an suggestive smirk

"Uh, I wasn't aware of that, kinda weird that you are, anyways I think I might go before the rest of your little gang arrives, farewell" I bid them goodbye and gathered my things, but before I could leave Blaise stopped me.

"Sit down Weasley, there is a point to Notts insufferable yapping"

"I didn't ask, see ya" But this time Theodore caught my wrist

"And we don't care, now sit down and listen" He told me, his smirk had gone and a serious frown replaced it.

Snatching my wrist out of his hold I plopped back down onto the sofa and crossed my arms

"Well? I haven't got all day"

"Just a moment, He's not here yet" Blaise put up a hand

"What your master? so he can tell you what good little lap dogs you're being?" I rolled my eyes

"Shut your mouth, Blood traitor! You dont know anything" Theodore lunged for me but Blaise calmly placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him

"Awe, you guys are so cute together bleodore, Hogwarts least favourite couple" I teased

The door to the Common room opened, out of curiosity I turned around to see Malfoy, followed by Crabbe and Goyle walking in.

I rolled my eyes to the back of my head

"Whatever it is you have to say, go bother someone else with it, because I couldn't care less" I turned back around to tell Theodore and Blaise, attempting to stand up again but this time Malfoys bony hand clamped down on my shoulder

"Not so fast, Weasley, Boys I think it better if we discuss this in our dorm, without wandering ears" He suggested, but it was obvious he wasn't asking for an answer

"You guys have fun with that, im just gonna-"

"Goyle" Before Malfoy could even finish his name, the ogre had already flipped me over on his shoulder

"I'm wearing a skirt you barbarian!" I kicked

"Dont flatter yourself, Weasley, theres not a soul who would be looking" Blaise scowled, but from where I was it kinda looked like an uncomfortable smile.

I continued to slap Goyles back all the way up the stairs until the Five of the them marched through their dorm and Goyle dropped me onto the floor "Ow you oaf, that hurt!" I whined as I rubbed my back and Malfoy dismissed Him and Crabbe to their own dorm they shared with the other Slytherin boy, weird, I thought they were friends, I guess they were just his laps dogs, his big mountain troll lap dogs.

"You know, I may be new here, But boys and girls aren't allowed in the same dormitory rooms, and we're only thirte-

"Fourteen, I'm fourteen my birthday was two months ago" Theodore cut me off, the rest of us giving him a look

"Oh my, wow, see now I definitely can't be in an older boys room, how scandalous" I raised my eyebrows in a mock horror sort of way

"Shut up Wealsey, she jabbers like you Nott" Malfoy told his, friend?

"Oh sweetheart, you wound me" Theodore mocked and held his chest

"I see your busy with a lovers quarrel, I'll let you have some privacy then" I went to leave

"Don't make me cast Pertrificus totalus on you" Malfoy threatened

"oh yes, cast that on the only girl in the boys dorm, how, lovely, you know, if Pansy knows im here, she'll want my head on a pike, now who would want that, I'm sure if you asked nicely she would be happy to take my place"

"Shut it Weasley! I'm above hitting girls, but I will make an exception" Blaise threatened darkly, making me slam my jaw shut and bite my tongue.

"Now, listen."

Next

#theo nott #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott x y/n #theo nott x reader #theodorenottsafehouse #dracomalfoyxoriginalcharacter #draco malfoy x reader #draco fanfiction #blaise zabini #hermione granger #ron weasley #harry potter

[weirdcat1213]

ok i have an oreo on one hand and a shark plushie on the other, lets do this

trimax volume 8 (pls dont hurt me)

thoughts

BUT BEFORE THAT, ACTUAL QUESTION: how are the 1st timers holding up? yall doing good?

ok now long post is here

chap 1:

-oh that title page its SO FUCKING GOOD

-MY BOI HES HERE

-oh hes not....doing it by choice.....oh

-legato looking like a pizza pocket is the comedy relief we all need tbh

-GET HIS ASS VASH GET HIS ASSSSS

-oh my geesus i heard that, i felt that shit

-"they abuse us" and here you are knives...doing the same shit

-OH THANK GOD YOURE HERE

-could you look less happy while doing this shit knives? pls?

-something something divine punishment from the skies, something something yeah ofc not anyone can do that shit

-oh hey why is he with them i actually forgot

-aw :3 i wonder who taught him to not shoot to kill :3

-also pls leave him alone hes not just a killer pls youre hurting my feelings-

-:c

-STOP VASH DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT HOLY SHIT

-rem mention :c

-knives can you stop being right for a second, thanks

-the arm...wow

-OH YES ITS THIS MOMENT YES

-i dont remember what the other translation said but "that was the day we both lost our minds"....yeah im gonna sit with this one for a bit and cry cuz its true, they did

-oh yeah i didnt get this the 1st time lets try again :D

-ohhhhh....oh shit

-i hate siding with knives on this chapter but i cant help it. i also love the idea of being even

-also he looks so fucking cool while being evil, cool points for you knives

-"invasion" and it ends with him looking at the stars/nightsky? brilliant

chap 2:

-STOP BEING RIGHT KNIVES

-ALSO STOP DISTRACTING ME FROM WOLFWOOD TIME

-ah yes, the classic, sweetest, full of angst potential "i will remind of you of your home and how you dont belong there anymore" card, good to see you here

-oh god i forgot about this part, geesus

-ah crap i love this tho, gives you time to actually take in everything that knives is causing. its so easy to gloss over it with some quick panels but to actually take the time...i love it

-ok ik they get absorbed by knives but the idea of them flying away and being free (for a bit) is so pretty, im happy for them

-...geesus christ

-YES MY GIRLSSSSSSSSS :D

-it makes you wonder what they did to stay alive actually, like you never think of that stuff ig

chap 3:

-wait they didnt know???? hold up....yeah ig that makes sense but...hmmm

-YEAH YOU TELL THEM LUIDA >:D

-:c

-ALSO interesting how the borders didnt go black to represent a flashback, so maybe it wants to show how present is that memory in luida's mind. wow

-"maybe hes been waiting for us to come and help him" aaaand thats enough to make me tear up, im the weakest bitch on the planet let me tell you

-YES SEE LUIDA GETS IT

-GET WRECKED BY THE EXISTENCE OF GOOD PEOPLE ASSHOLE

-OH MAN HES BREAKING

-COOL ASS PANEL ALSO

-oh shit so he hit some plants oh shit oh damn

-AH SHIT

-omg she looks so epic while killing people <3

-THERE HE IS HERE WE GO YES GO GET YOUR HUSBAND

-oh look its the man in the tin can lmao

chap 4:

-KILL HIM WOLFWOOD KILL HIM

-HALF A YEAR???? damn i always forget, this is still going at the speed of light tho

-aw no :c my baby :c

-then again i like that you can see that even if it was just half a year (literally nothing for vash) it still caused him pain and suffering, 10/10

-GEESUS BRO HE JUST GOT FREE

-oh shit oh shit no

-im not really sure how he escaped legato but im glad :D also vash is longgggg i lvoe it :3

-well thats just depressing livio

-pls leave livio

-KILL HIM KILL HIMMMM

-ok but vash being basically a ragdoll rn while wolfwood is fighting and bleeding breaks my heart let me tell you

-wolfwood shut the hell up ok? shut up, i dont wanna hear it

-oh im going insane :) i hate wolfwood so much rn (his crime was to say sad things)

-OH IT WAS HERE I ACTUALLY FORGOT THIS WAS THE MOMENT AWWW HOLY SHIT MY BOY

-YES SAVE YOUR HUSBAND

-"youre not lost wolfwood" wolfwood saying all that shit outloud and IK FOR A FACT vash's heart almost broke ik it i feel it

-baby dont apologize :c

-............................................................ :c

-ah fuck hes here

-WAIT HOLY SHIT THAT LIKE SHADOW OF LIGHT???? AMAZING???

-oh oh im sick to my little stomach i fear oh geesus my boy, my baby, im so happy that wolfwood is all you need but also im so sad you dont have anything else, do i make sense?

-threatening you brother and begging him to not sacrifice himself in the same breath...knives the plant that you are

-woooooooooooooooooooooooooow i love that shit, hes so little...

-PLS GOD LET THIS BE IN STAMPEDE PLS PLS I WANT A SCENE WITH BOTH OF THEM IN THE SKY SO BAD PLSSSS

-im not entirely sure what is happening but damn thats nasty

-NO DONT FUCKING SAY THAT

chap 5:

-LMAO HIS FACE XD

-welp...this is terrible

-nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :c

-oh righttttt, i forgot about that plan, so thats why people called him chapel

-oh that panel with livio thats fucking brutal geesus nightow. like the old livio seems so pure and far away while the current livio is so violent and present

-my god he looks like shit

-MARLONNNNNNNNNNNNN :D

-oh meryl my girl :'3 omg shes the best

-im so depressed rn :D

-idc if hes rotting, sadly the man looks majestic af

-ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh ok

-NO DONT LEAVE PLS DONT FUCKING LEAVE PLS NO STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY

OH SHIT THIS IS FREE BIRD OH SHIT OH NO HELP HELPPPPPPPPPPPP

free bird time ig:

-freeeee biiiiird yeaah tururururururu

-wdym congratulations cmon man

-oh honey......

-awww :c

-oh wow now im DEPRESSED :D

-ugh that fucking face

-hes so cool sometimes >:D

-aw you made her cry :c

-"tired of filling a space in other peoples lives"....hmmmm

-aw :c

I hate whats coming i fucking swear.

#trigun #trimax #trigun maximum #trigunbookclub #this shit has me fearing for my life for reasons i wont mention #but MAN CAN WE GO BACK TO LIKE #VOLUME 1 #OF TRIGUN #PLS #PLS IM SO SCARED

[spextronaut]

My thoughts on this week’s episode of Mando:

I’m actually writing this bit right here 2 hours before the episode is even out bUT I had to share my idea of, with Din and Bo Katan not getting along very well currently, I would LOVE if they fought (maybe in this episode or the next one?) and Din ended up winning back the Darksaber??? And if it was in front of a bunch of other Mandos and they immediately accept him as Manda’lor unlike how they are with Bo Katan???? I’d scream I really hope that this is where the show is going and if it’s not y’all can bet your asses that I will write fix-it canon divergent fanfic for this concept

It’s episode time I am begging this episode to be good or have Din take off his helmet or Something worth my fucking time

Once again begging the show to do something interesting with the plot and have Din and Bo Katan fight or have Bo Katan lose the saber or Something just to make it fun

Oh god dammit are you seriously making me go back to episode 3 levels of shit?? I hated that plot I just want Din this is bullshit

Wowww it’s so shocking that she’s Imperial 🙄

<Din Djarin33

As someone who has never seen a piece of Star Wars media unconnected to Mando I have no fucking idea what’s happening rn

I want Darth Maul to be here purely because I like the look I have no clue if he’s alive or not

Y’all lost the civil war against the Republic for a reason,,,

The Shadow Council? Are you fucking serious??

Project Necromancer. Are you fucking serious

I’m under the belief, with no prior knowledge, that Anakin Skywalker was the only thing holding the Empire together smh

We aren’t gonna kill the Mandos thank you that’s illegal <3

Ngl I think the only reason Moff Gideon is really “worried” about the Mandos is because he wants a rematch against Din bc he’s pissy about losing the Darksaber last season

GROGU IS SITTING IN BO KATAN’S LAP!!! AUNT BO KATAN FR FR

IG-11????? WITH AN ANZELLAN???

Grogu sitting on the table I’m gonna start crying fuck

Bad baby is back!!

oh my fucking god he’s in the robot I’m gonna cry look at this motherfucker. he is so fucking <333

ASSISTED SPEECH TECH!!!! OMFG AUTISM GROGU REAL!!!! HE IS SO!!!!!

HES SO HAPPY IM GONNA CRY <333333

IM CRYING HE IS SO FUCKING <33333

Din is in his extra tired dad arc I fucking love it here

Of course Din and Grogu will volunteer and people will only follow! If Din and Grogu are there! Because DIN IS BETTER AT LEADING PEOPLE THAN BO KATAN AND I WILL FIGHT ALL YALL ON THIS

The Armorer is so fucking suspicious I won’t lie

I’m claiming Grogu as disabled bc like. Mobility device. Speech aid. I can’t be fought about this

Now what in the fuck is that thing

Bo Katan this is why you shouldn’t be any kind of leader you trust people way way way too easily

What in the fucking cult

This. Is why. We. Lie. Shut the FUCK up Bo Katan you’re fucking yourself over (and thus making Din look like a better leader but yk,,,)

“And then he betrayed me” BO KATAN. HE IS IMPERIAL. YOU CANT TRUST IMPERIALS YOU KNOW BETTER

once again I am saying Din is a better leader because HE beat Moff Gideon, Bo Katan didn’t and SHE DIDNT EVEN BEAT DIN TO GET THE SABER BACK HRHRHRGE

I’m begging this doesn’t turn to romance please god please do not do this I am begging I’m about to start crying do not. Don’t do this to me

DIN. DIN LEADER ARC. PLEASEEEE GOD I AM FUCKING BEGGINGGG

don’t do this. don’t do this im panicking Din shut the fuck UP I hate THIS FUCKING SHOW

I know Din is a follower not a leader but HE DESERVES A LEADER ARC PLEASEEEE WHY IS THIS SHOW LIKE THIS 😭😭

… space chess?

Oh Jesus Christ… Din? Din can you stop this? I want a leader arc god I’m BEGGING

“Can I step in?” BO KATAN STOP HOLDING HIM BACK FROM HIS LEADER ARC YOU BITCH

GROGU SLAY!!!!!! I love him so much omfg he <3333

stop. stop. shut the fuck up “he didn’t learn that from me” YES HE DID HOE STFU

no one hates Star Wars more than Star Wars fans smh

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT THING

IS THAT A FUCKING DRAGON????????? FUCK HEAH???? FUCK THE MANDALORIANS GIVE ME DRAGON

“You good?” IM SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP HE IS SUCH A FUCKING DAD

Oh Jesus Christ what is that

Imperial Mandos LIKE I FUCKIN SAID

begging this to be the reason that Din gets a leader arc or a helmet removal im fucking begging

Grogu I- 😭😭

OH HELL

Din is slaying he’s in there by himself but he is slaying SO FUCKING HARD I LOVE HIM

are you fucking serious he’s in a goddamn Mando suit

Din is in his bdsm arc did not expect that today

Fuck you Moff Gideon also Din doesn’t have the Darksaber so,,,, honestly thank god he gave it to Bo Katan like fuck yeah dude

RAHHH NOO DONT KILL THE MANDOS

helmetless din. I’m begging. please god give me something

If Paz dies I’m rioting smh

PAZ YOU BITCH HOW DARE YOU YOU HAVE A SON IM RIOTING IM DISOWNING THE SHOW FANFICTION HERE I FUCKING COME

WHAT IN FHE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK IS THAT

FANFIC HERE I COME FUCK THIS SHOW FUCK IT SO MUCH

I hate that. Grogu was the best part I literally don’t remember anything better happening I’m so fucking disappointed

I’m thankful that they aren’t forcing a romance on us (so far) and it’s not Awful and I’m excited for the almost definitely whole episode helmetless babygirlified Din next week but Jesus Christ that was just. It was awful it was bad

I give it like a 5/10 because it was fine with some good scenes but just. It was bad. I fucking hate this episode and i can’t even explain why like I could previously it just,,, idk it’s bad I don’t like it

Y’all can expect me promoting some fanfiction sometime soon because I’m gonna start a fix-it rewrite starting from episode 6 of TBoBF and reshape the end of that and this season into what I genuinely think would be better

And if you love this season good for you, seriously! I wish I could, but with the foreshadowing from last season and especially the last 2-3 episodes? You can’t even compare them and season 2 was a step down from season 1 it’s just… it’s not comparable and I’m really upset about it

My point still stands about the whole “if the season finale doesn’t get better I won’t come back for season 4” btw I just can’t handle the disappointment over and over again. But if tumblr shows me some really good shit then I might come back for a couple episodes

Overall I’m just disappointed and I really wish that they had writers that genuinely care about the story they were setting up instead of caring about setting up spin offs and selling merchandise but what can I really expect from Disney?

#spencer rambles #the mandalorion spoilers #mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian #din djarin #the mandalorian season 3 spoilers #the mandalorian s3 ep7 #the mandalorian season 3 episode 7 #the mandalorian chapter 23

[mallowmaenad]

my new political ideaology is that I get a device called the dipshit detector that removes self-important white people’s ability to use cellphones for 1 month and I don’t fucking care if this is a fascist dictatorshit i actually would turn joe biden into joe woke and donald trump into pronoun trump if i see one more loud mouthed straighty act like their opinion fucking matters im introducing their shy 9 year old son to my little pony i cant fucking take this shit yes fuck it throw republicans in concentration camps they’re practically begging for it they wont shut the fuck up about how theyre gonna be hunted down and killed wish granted bitch blam blam its wabbit season bitch im sick of liberals im sick of voting im sick of norway if youre even slightly uncomfortable around gay people you should be set on fire black power asian power jewish power latino power and i fucking mean it im not just buying the stupid 30$ tshirt on fckhate.com the worst thing to ever happen in american history is abraham lincoln not publicly executing every confederate general and outlawing slavery full stop we literally live in starship troopers we are trapped in a shitty gmod half life dark rp server yeah I do think you’re basically a terrorist if you go to disney land and i also think that if the first words out of your mouth when the rustbelt gets set on fire is “those dirty rednecks deserve it” ill show you a fucking redneck you fucking yank prick you fucking racist i wish hilary clinton would explode on live tv charitys are fucking fake theyre as fake as those cardboard towns in north korea oppenheimer was a limpdick pussy and fallout is becoming a game franchise that fetishizes the mass genocide of asians and i want todd howard pinned under a large rock for it spec ops the line wasn’t ugly enough there is a conspiracy started by the cosmetics, nutrition and fashion industry in collaboration with the upper class descendants of fucking typhoid “moneybags” marys to fool the masses that fat people aren’t hot as fuck. My body and mind and soul degrade with the week because of yhe shit ass menial labor yhey made me do and the fucking lead in gasoline and world war 1 started a chain reaction of fathers beating their kids and wives because it’s cheaper to buy a gun than go to therapy because we’re fucking warhammer orks without any of the endearing mental stupidity we live in mordor. we live in fucking mordor. it literally does not matter who is president our two political parties are Nazis and Neo-Nazis bernie sanders was the closest thing to a centrist this country has ever seen. capitalism grinds up joy into a paste to divvy out on 500$ gucci toothpicks public urination should be legal rent is theft corporations are agents of satan who is jesus christ who is not jesus of nazareth jesus christ is the poster boy of white supremacy i fucking hate Hamilton white people should listen to MORE rap i want to get my dick sucked at a death grips concert. Laundromats and burger joints where you can get a meal for 5$ are far more important than police stations and walmart. pop anarchists want to personally confiscate your wheelchair uou fuckers treat yhis like a game fuckin e girls with hammers and sickles in their icons arguing about what form of communism or socialism or whateverism is right when bitch that is a pipe dream you are going to die in captivity arguing about which dragon ball z character is the strongest (girl broly) at least go punch a hole in your wall and fuck it to prove you’re human you facebook fetishist jesus christ every other day i want a biblical death just so my fucked up thouhhts mean something i need a fuckingjason vorhees bitch wheres the yandere tea party this is all so fucked up its not fucking real the christian god hates you whoever says otherwise is trying to make you a fucking slave. Mormonism and scientology should be wiped off the map any religion formed after the invention of the gun is a fucking pyramid scheme i wish i was a 9 foot toll shark lady with hugebrealssta so i could fucking knock over thechrystler building

DO 9/11 AGAIN

#vent #rant #cw politics

[pesterloglog]

Meenah Peixes, Karkat Vantas, Swifer Eggmop

Page 176-178

MEENAH: yo nubs is that u

MEENAH: pretty rank

KARKAT: OH MY GOD.

KARKAT: I FLATLY REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN SMELL MY NATURAL MUSK OVER THE STENCH OF BLOOD AND BURNING FLESH.

KARKAT: I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING MORE ASININE THAN YOU GETTING ON MY CASE ABOUT PERSONAL GROOMING ON THE BATTLEFIELD.

MEENAH: didnt i warn u bout thinking tho?

KARKAT: GOD DAMMIT MEENAH, DON’T MEME AT ME.

KARKAT: PEOPLE ARE DYING.

MEENAH: oh wow fuck u right

MEENAH: let me save all my jokes for that specific time in the foreseeable future when we arent all fightin for our lives

MEENAH: would that work for you commander

KARKAT: IF YOU AND THE REST OF THE GENERAL’S COUNCIL HADN’T INSISTED THAT I STAY OUT OF THE WORST OF THE FIGHTING, WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

MEENAH: yeah cause youd be dead

MEENAH: u cant lead every charge

MEENAH: gotta be realistic boss

KARKAT: I KNOW THAT.

SWIFER: boss check the news!

KARKAT: OH FUCK.

MEENAH: what

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST.

MEENAH: nubs i swear 2 god

KARKAT: IT’S GAMZEE.

KARKAT: HE’S DEAD.

MEENAH: oh

MEENAH: well shit

KARKAT: I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS.

MEENAH: u okay

KARKAT: NO!

MEENAH: u wanna talk about it

MEENAH: i know u and jellybulge had a thing

KARKAT: FIRST OF ALL--JELLYBULGE?

MEENAH: u outlawed fishpuns i gotta make my own fun

KARKAT: GROSS.

KARKAT: AND I GUESS IF YOU CALL AN OBSCENELY PUBLIC PALE ACT, PERFORMED IN A FUGUE OF DESPERATE PANIC INTENDED TO PREVENT HIM FROM MURDERING ALL OF MY FRIENDS INSTEAD OF JUST HALF OF THEM “A THING”.

KARKAT: THEN YES, I GUESS WE HAD A THING.

KARKAT: BUT IF YOU’RE ASKING ME IF I’M SAD THAT HE’S DEAD?

KARKAT: ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT.

KARKAT: I HAVE HATED THIS PIECE OF BUBBLING, FECULENT CLOWNFLESH FOR DECADES, AND SO HAS EVERYONE ELSE WHO RESPECTS THEMSELVES.

KARKAT: REST IN THE POWERFUL GAZE OF MY ETERNAL LOATHING.

KARKAT: THAT’S NOT WHY I’M SAYING FUCK A BUNCH OF TIMES.

MEENAH: u need a reason to say fuck a buncha times

KARKAT: SHUT UP.

KARKAT: LOOK AT THE PICTURE.

MEENAH: kinda blurry

MEENAH: what am i supposed to be lookin at

KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW, MEENAH, AT THE PACK OF KIDS CARRYING A DEAD CLOWN?

KARKAT: THAT’S VRISKA.

MEENAH: oh yea i guess it is

MEENAH: always knew that fish was gonna grow up shady

KARKAT: WHAT? NO! NOT VRISKA MARYAM-LALONDE.

KARKAT: I MEAN, SHE’S THERE TOO. BUT BUT I’M TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER VRISKA! MY VRISKA.

KARKAT: FROM MY UNIVERSE. THIS VRISKA’S ANCESTOR. SHE’S HERE.

MEENAH: she a ghost or some shit

KARKAT: I DON’T THINK SO? I CAN’T SEE HER EYES IN THIS PICTURE, BUT SHE’S COVERED IN BLOOD, AND SHE’S CARRYING GAMZEE, SO SHE’S CORPOREAL AT LEAST.

KARKAT: UNLESS SHE HAS A FUCKING LIFE RING TOO. HOW MANY OF THOSE THINGS ARE THERE?

MEENAH: okay but who gives a shit how she got here nubs

MEENAH: maybe focus on the big picture

KARKAT: YOU’RE RIGHT. FUCK.

KARKAT: “CROCKER CORP CEO JANE CROCKER HAS CONDEMNED THE ASSASSINATION AS AN ACT OF TERROR, AND IS CALLING FOR THE PERPETRATORS’ ARREST.”

MEENAH: wait aint that her kid there holding up the clown ass

KARKAT: UH...WOW, THIS ARTICLE IS WAY TOO LONG. I HATE WAR CORRESPONDENTS, JESUS FUCK.

KARKAT: OKAY...HERE. OH. OF COURSE. CROCKER IS CLAIMING HER SON WAS KIDNAPPED AND FORCED TO PARTICIPATE.

KARKAT: AND THEY’VE NAMED ME AS THE MASTERMIND.

MEENAH: well we woulda taken credit for it anyway so this saves us the time

MEENAH: thanks jane owe u one

KARKAT: SHIT.

KARKAT: THE TIDE OF PUBLIC OPINION IS DEFINITELY TURNING AGAINST JANE.

MEENAH: thats good tho right

MEENAH: thats what we want

KARKAT: WHAT WE WANT IS TO STEER THE CONVERSATION IN OUR FAVOR SO MORE PEOPLE JOIN OUR CAUSE.

KARKAT: WHAT WE DON’T WANT IS TO GIVE THE PRESIDENT AN EXCUSE TO ENACT MARTIAL LAW.

KARKAT: SHIT. OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAVE TO DO WITH FUCKING SERKET.

KARKAT: LITERAL MONTHS OF PLANNING, HOURS AND HOURS OF LOGISTICS, AND ALL OF IT GOES UP IN SMOKE BECAUSE OF ONE SPIDERY ASSHOLE.

KARKAT: SHE *WOULD* FIND SOME WAY TO WRECK MY SHIT FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE.

MEENAH: yeah it sucks

MEENAH: so what are ur orders boss

KARKAT: NOW?

KARKAT: NOW WE PIVOT FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE RIDICULOUS.

KARKAT: I NEED TO TALK TO EGBERT.

#homestuck #homestuck^2 #meenah peixes #karkat vantas #swifer eggmop #homestuck^2 act 1 #page 176 #page 177 #page 178

[rinzis]

what your favourite genshin impact character says about you: no holding back edition

i’m finally allowed to post again!!! great joy

aether/lumine: you’re basic as hell sorry . also stop fighting over who the better twin is they’re literally the same person but different genders. you’re pretty fun to be around ig but i feel like you eat food off the floor. 5 second rule not 5 hour rule ok

amber: ok i’ve actually met a bunch of people whose fav is amber and you guys are actually really sweet but pls learn when to stfu you’re so loud . also you guys go feral whenever someone (everyone else in the fandom) says amber sucks like chill bae

kaeya: jesus fucking christ your horny is off the scale. every kaeya stan i’ve ever met cant keep it in their pants. and we know the only reason you like him is bc of his giga bouncer supreme ultra man rack 3000. stop saying you want him to smother you with his tits. get some help.

lisa: YOU GUYS ARE COOL AS HELL!!!!!! as someone who relates to lisa you’re very cool. most chill people to be around and you’re definitely super smart. not lazy but just reserved. 11/10. oh btw do you use her for climbing?

diluc: do you have daddy issues? you guys definitely have a thing for the tsundere archetype and you probably like zhongli too. just admit you want diluc to do the kabedon thing on you and move on. we know what you’re like. also how does it feel being so short? i swear every diluc stan is small as hell

jean: YOU GUYS are so sweet pls whenever i play co op with a jean main it’s just like wow you’re so strong and nice and thanks for healing my entire team wow........ however although you’re so responsible you probably enjoy cancelling people on twitter for fun . sorry

venti: VENTI STANS. I LOVE YOU. is it partially because i myself am a huge venti stan? yeah no. you probably missed out on his first banner and are saving for his rerun..... same......... anyways you guys give off the best vibes n it’s always so fun to be with you. i love you all

razor: i have one question for you guys . did you either like warrior cats or were you a wolf kid?

albedo: you guys are so smart wtf !!!!!!!!! you’re so rational in co op mode too and if you have albedo you probably use him as a sub dps for your teammates bc you’re so good at reading situations........ then again you also have some weird shit going on like cmon it’s milk after cereal you psychopaths

sucrose: you either kin sucrose or are creepy sorry . ok but she’s so underrated like her passive 3........ WOAH.............. you definitely use her in spiral abyss,,, also are you a burnout successful kid who used to kiss teachers’ asses and middle school was a breeze before getting to college/university and realising that professors don’t give a shit anymore? wow who would have guessed

diona: wannabe catgirls assemble! please move on from your warrior cats phase you’re almost as bad as the razor stans but you’re adorable too. you probably want qiqi or klee but don’t have them so you’re settling for diona

barbara: thanks for healing my team in co op barbara stans !!!! you guys are genuinely so nice omg thank you for being so reliable all the time,,, do you highlight your notes so it’s more art than notes? yeah that’s what i thought

mona: ok if no one else is gonna say it i will,,, no one understands shit about your astrology thing going on. i’m a caprisun? great

bennett: YOURE ALL ADORABLE. thanks for helping us out in co op!!!! you definitely advocate for bennett rights and yes pls do,,,, we all love benny deep down!!!! you either don’t have him or have him at like C218372

fischl: jojo stans

just kidding but you all probably act like fischl irl. also did you have an emo phase

klee: ok if your favourite is klee you definitely don’t have her . waiting patiently for klee’s rerun!!!! shes just so adorable and so are you guys,,,,, so fun to be around !!!!! you probably have diluc and hate him

noelle: you guys....... the rarest of the rare. you love trying to convince people that she’s a great healer dps n everything else...... no bae you probably use her because you like geo and claymores like hmm yes i will now hit things hard with my big sword and rock power

ok onto liyue now sweats nervously

childe: you guys are ALL simps. ALL OF YOU. go n touch some grass bro!!!!! you either think he’s super sexy or you bully him and make the ed sheeran jokes (not funny) . you follow griffin burns on tiktok too dont you

zhongli: you either love him for his gentle demeanour or you want him for his fat giga dumptruck 3000. make up your minds!!!!! you guys are so clueless in co op mode but you’re hilarious. you probably have his energy recharge at like 200% so you can use his ult and hear I WILL HAVE ORDER every 4 seconds

xiao: STOP GROWLING AT PEOPLE. every xiao main is so aggressive not joking . yeah the only reason you saved for him is because you want to stare at him all day n listen to him growling . you guys genuinely scare me . no he would not hold ur hand and do cute things with you,,,,,, if given half the chance he’d probably decapitate you

ningguang: alright jeff bezos, hand over the cash. yeah so you’re either rolling in it or want to be her sugar baby. but you guys have such an intimidating aura like playing with ning mains is just .... you always build her so well she’s an absolute tank!!!!!! thanks for scaring the shit out of me but also protecting me

beidou: YOU GUYS. you’re fun to be around but i also feel like you could probably destroy me in 3 seconds flat !!!!!!!! do you hate diluc too? i love playing with you guys because all i hear is TO ASHES every 2 seconds and she’s just cool as hell so yeah i really like beidou stans. i feel like you all have her so congrats

qiqi: you’re so cute,,,,, best healer !!!! you probably love playing qiqi because her skills look so cool and you prefer playing heal/support,, if you don’t have her you just love her bc she’s so tiny . spoiler alert but do you have a thing against xiao for killing her lol

xiangling: you’re so chaotic help,, you definitely pair her with xinyan too because you give off the most uncontrollable vibes,,,,,,, did you level her to use her in the spiral abyss or do you just think polearms are neat and don’t have xiao or zhongli

xinyan: please reread xiangling paragraph but replace polearm with claymore . you like either bring me the horizon or bubblegum pop there’s no in between

chongyun: you’re all the nicest people ever and you’re so chill . you love chongyun with your whole hearts and i adore you !!!!!! the animation of him eating the popsicle melts your hearts (no pun intended) and you just think he’s really cool :( ily all

xingqiu: chongyun vibes but make it kinda unnerved . burnout successful kids 2.0 ,,,,, are you clever too? you also love xingqiu and believe he’s worthy of being a 5 star with his heal and damage reduce !!!!! he’s so helpful wtf and so are you . please stop going on about his legs though it’s highkey weird asf

keqing: COOL PERSON SYNDROME! i main this gal so i love you all . do you get as mad as i do when people say she doesn’t deserve to be a 5 star? yeah . are you a procrastinator and try and take lessons from keqing but are just so lazy? do you use her teleport because you can’t be bothered to climb mountains? yeah that’s what i thought

ganyu: you’re all the nicest people alive and i adore you all . thanks for being so kind in co op mode . every ganyu main i’ve met is so sweet and you’re all so powerful too woah....... you hate the cocogoat jokes too >:( pls mihoyo give her more attention !!!!!

scaramouche: you have rights guys we know you exist. also we know you want him to be playable. we know that you think his hat is neat. we know you love this shawty but please be quiet.

signora: wait you guys exist

hu tao: you prank people for fun like pls stop im so on edge when youre around . plus i feel you laugh at videos of babies falling over n shit,,,,,,, you cant wait for her banner but also please shut the fuck up

dainsleif: please leave me the fuck alone we did 1 (one) quest with him and you’re all obsessed with him . ok second hand dmitri from fire emblem you want a medal for being a fucking simp?

#for practical purposes this is a joke #a very loaded joke #so uh pls don’t get mad at me #genshin impact #genshin impact x you #genshin impact memes #kaeya x you #childe x you #zhongli x you #xiao x reader #diluc x you #genshin impact x reader #genshin venti #genshin xiao

[nagdabbit]

MY GIRLFRIEND'S COMMENTARY WHILE WATCHING HER FIRST AEW PPV

"my entire fitness goal is hook's shoulder-waist ratio, but with taz's extremely dense neck."

"the funniest thing about wrestling is that this fucking company is trying to make something called a stadium stampede sound both cool, AND serious."

gf: "if you cry listening to a crowd sing judas again, im divorcing you." me: "so that means youre gonna marry me." gf: "i've been bamboozled."

about brian cage: "this man is a huge dork. like, literally, i could fit me in him."

"i dunno what it is, but i would die to protect mr. hangman. he hunk, but he also baby."

thoughtfully, "i bet i could just catch you out of the air like that. i mean, i can squat you, i could probably even curl you like that, too."

because she is deeply in wrestling twitter now: "HOOK! babe, look, its hook! hook hive, rise up!"

"what i love about this feud is that all these men are fuckin' idiots. no brain cells, just shoes and fwiendship."

"what do you mean their tag team isn't just the wild boys, wtf? missed opportunity."

"those kicks are ugly, but i would steal them, too, honestly." *thirty seconds of silence layer* "for you, babe. i'd steal them for you, i mean."

"jon, no, the germs, jon, jesus christ, please dont drink that jon you dumbass."

"i love eddie, but i'm pretty sure we should never hang out. too much extremely new york energy, we would get arrested in like ten minutes. possibly less."

"diorsday device is the funniest shit ive ever fucking heard, how goddamn sad is that."

"max caster is gonna get murdered, but i love him."

"i wish bowens and his extremely attractive boyfriend the best in life."

"colt cabana and tay conti are tied for best smile in wrestling, but tay wins because i dont want colt to kick me in the face."

"penta is the only joker i formally recognize."

"today i found out that some people don't like stu and uno, and to them i say get entirely fucked."

after rush came out and i lost my entire shit: "i don't fully understand yet, but i support you." *one minute later* "oooooooooooohh. okay, yeah."

gf: "i enjoy that cody is pushing ogogo by being a dumb bitch with this america schtick." me: "you gonna say that when cody wins?" gf: "...fuck."

"ogogo got that guy ritchie movie ass music you love to see it."

"you were right about cody and i fuckin' hate it."

"aw yeah, its big boi season."

about miro: "i'm very gay, but the thing is, men with extremely jacked traps just do something to me."

"lance changed changed the color of his extensions and i appreciate that." *thirty seconds later* "are those... three crosses? tattooed on his back? jesus doesnt like murder, i don't think he likes murderhawks, either."

"britt baker is the only dentist i want in my mouth. no, wait, don't type that one!"

"oh, fuck, shidas getting teary i'm gonna fuckin cry, oh fuck, i get it now, i'm so sorry i made fun of you, i love her."

"oh fuck, shida knee me directly in the face."

"britt scares me. like the blood drip details on her gear are really cool, but i would legit believe its real blood from her."

"are you really crying about britt and the nice announcer man hugging?"

"hey, quick question, just real quick while ive got you here... why is the emo twink... like this?"

"darby's dad looks like my dad, and i'll never be okay with that."

"i like that darby just yeets himself around like that. he came in like a wrecking ball. a tiny, tiny wrecking ball."

"sting just tossing his son around the ring like that is very good, but, sir, that's bad parenting."

"the thing about sky and page is that these are the suburb guys i beat up at the beach on summer vacation. they have big "i robbed these guys at the pier" energy."

"damn, darby just feels his emotion with his entire face, doesnt he."

"okay explain the gambling thing and WHY it's a thing."

"orange rolling into the ring is so fucking good, that man is national treasure."

after me showing her the video of younger orange cassidy shitfaced and holding a fish for no reason: "i am shocked and appalled that you're only showing me this now."

after explaining the history of the jansport: "the range of this dumbass."

"i get that kenny is good and all, but his hair really fucks me up. it's upsettingly bad and i hope he knows that."

"pac is just. so much muscle. flippy beef man. a meateor." she did specify how to spell it for the joke because it was important.

"that man is a weeb, isnt he."

"something about a man breaking a hold by putting his hands in his pockets really gets me hype."

"fuck just murder omega and be done i hate this, put it on the beef man or the juicey boy already."

"babe, ill be right back i gotta murder this callis bitch."

screaming, "THAT'S MY FAVORITE REF, YOU UGLY FUCK!"

after kenny won: "i fucking hate wrestling, this is bullshit."

"holy fuck, babe, i forgot mark henry was a wrestle boy! i know him from the olympics!"

"hey, is mark henry bigger than large paul?"

"mjf is a dumb bitch and i love him."

"hey, quick question, who thought repelling down the stadium would look cool, they're so far away."

"there's wardlow, my sweet boy. this is cool now."

she laughed for a solid two minutes at tony schiavone saying, "here comes the little guy."

"i fuckin hate hager. kill him wardlow, kill that crispy maga ass bitch."

"okay what's with the chairs." *after a brief explanation of the chairshot heard round the world* "and, like, he can't just pick a new gimmick? it's been two years, bro. move on, shes not coming back."

"okay, i admit that this is great and i love it, kill that old man on the dancefloor."

upon learning this is technically the main event: "you mean it's over after this? theyre ending the show on THIS? not the triple threat match, this?"

"i just noticed mjf's bedazzled jeans, i'm not angry anymore, this is perfect."

"no, more wardlow. gimme the beef."

"christ, sammy guevara is kinda incredible and i'm fuckin angry about it. why cant inner circle be just sammy and santana and ortiz, fuck the other two."

"no, shut up! i refuse to sing along to this! whats wrong with you?! this is a bad song!"

#aew double or nothing #aew #all elite wrestling #brian cage #hangman adam page #jon moxely #eddie kingston #young bucks #the acclaimed #dark order #penta el zero m #anthony ogogo #lio rush #miro #lance archer #dr britt baker dmd #hikaru shida #darby allin #sting #orange cassidy #kenny omega #pac #tony schiavone #stadium stampede #bryce remsburg #wardlow #mark henry #shit my gf says

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

How Bad is Sia’s “Music” really?

I watched it illegally (because there was no way I was paying for that bullshit) and found out. It’s not as bad as we thought... It’s worse.

TW for ableism, Sia, drugs, alcohol, just in general a terrible movie, meltdowns, blackface

Literally the first thing you hear while they’re showing the production companies is THOSE stereotypical noises. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know what I mean.

And yes, she does this for the WHOLE fucking movie

What was the need to show her in her underwear? Maddie Ziegler was 14 when this was made, so what was the need??? And why did Sia prolong the scene by having her hitting herself?

Less than a minute in and my reaction was already “what the fuck is this shit?”

So the opening number not only had stereotypical exaggerated facial expression, it has Maddie in BLACKFACE?!? And with culturally appropriated hair?!?

The exaggerated facial expressions are literally constant and I took photos during the film to show it, more later, but I’ll keep mentioning it

ITS LITERALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN

Even her way of walking is fucking offensive, Jesus Christ

The vocalisations just had me cringing so hard, I cannot describe how awful it made me feel

Why do all the neighbours need to be paid off and help her when she goes for a walk? I don’t-

Yes, by about the five minute mark I was already seriously debating all my life decisions. It was that bad.

Kate Hudson really didn’t give a fuck that her grandma died

I will keep saying it but WHY are the facial expressions/vocalisations CONSTANT?!! Literally they do not stop at all. I work with a child who is actually similar to this in that he’s nonverbal and he makes similar noises/faces, but the way they’re in this movie is so over-exaggerated?!? And even the kid I work with doesn’t do it 24/7?!?

Sia, calling your characters Zu and Music doesn’t make them interesting in the slightest. They’re still painfully terrible and one dimensional

Literally ONE minute after being left alone with her autistic sister, Zu calls the mental health service asking if they could “theoretically” “pick up” her sister?!? Like she wants to get rid of her already?!?

“A magical little girl” - autism isn’t a magical power?!? And Music is a young woman, not a little girl?!? Why are you infantilising her?!?

Okay I’m not being funny but this choreography is NOT hard. ANYONE can do it, so claiming that you needed to hire a dancer to be Music because of the numbers is literally bullshit (and even so, there are so many amazing autistic actors and dancers?!?)

20 minutes in and I wanted to give up

So she had her first meltdown because her hair didn’t get braided immediately and that’s... certainly interesting??

The fact that Leslie Odom’s character says “I’m going to crush you now”?!?

AND THEN HE FUCKING PICKS HER UP AND FULL-BODILY PINS HER DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR

“I’m crushing her with my love” - oh fuck you, just fuck you

So Sia lied, the restraint scenes were NOT removed and there was no warning. She’s a fucking POS liar

I have no idea why he’s called Ebo or why he has such a cliche African accent?!? I might have missed out on why because I was busy trying not to bang my head into the table while I watched this film but just... yikes

“He (his brother) liked to be held” - YEAH, HELD. NOT FUCKING CRUSHED

“He is dead now” - IM NOT FUCKING SURPRISED IF YOU CRUSHED HIM LIKE THAT

The constant babying and patronizing of the autistic character is so exhausting to watch. I’m so tired

“Planning on sending her to the people pound but I guess I’ll keep her a little longer” - SHE WAS JOKING BUT THAT WAS NOT EVEN REMOTELY A FUNNY JOKE. NOT EVEN IN AN AWKWARD WAY

STOP THE FACES IM-

^ YEAH, Sia, totally a fucking love letter to the autistic community here ^

So Zu finds this necklace she made as a kid that had a little dog on it, and she says to Music, “He had seizures too, just like you”... MELTDOWNS AND SEIZURES ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME FUCK THIS MOVIE-

It’s like Sia is trying to make the movie funny but it’s really not at all

Is Zu implying that Music is autistic because the mum was a junkie?!?

For real though, the dialogue in general is so fucking awful and cringey. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed to write again

Did she seriously leave her autistic sister alone to talk to who I’m presuming was her dealer or loan shark?!?

Also why is he - a white dude - wearing cornrows?!?

So who is the film really about? The autistic girl or the older sister saviour? I think we all know the answer to that one

WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND WITH HER TEETH JUTTING OUT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME

The musical numbers are literally so painful to watch. The overly bright colours, the flashing... my eyes were hurting and so was my brain

Autism representation aside for a second, the musical numbers/choreography are all fucking atrocious. Ditto for the costumes

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE PINK OOMPA LOOMPA FRUIT THINGS?!? THEY LOOK LIKE THE PINK VERSIONS OF VIOLET BEAUREGARDE THE BLUEBERRY

I wanted to cry by this point, this movie is far more awful than I thought

“I’m not saying she doesn’t want to change, I’m saying she can’t” - FUCK YOU. Why is it okay for him to assume what she can or can’t do

Can I just say that autistic people aren’t constantly in a coked up wonderland state?!! We don’t see the world as a wonderland fantasy world 24/7?!!

“She can hear you from two rooms away” / *shows her listening through two brick walls to a conversation* — Also, we don’t have super fucking sonic hearing?? WE CANT HEAR THROUGH FUCKING BRICK WALLS?!?

“She can understand everything you’re saying to her” - she’s autistic not fucking deaf

Less than 45 minutes in, there’s another meltdown in the park

“I’m not climbing on top of a small screaming white girl in public” - yeah please fucking don’t

So Zu fucking pins her down with her weight 🤦‍♀️

“She doesn’t know who she’s hitting” - IM SORRY WHAT

EBO LITERALLY SAID “TREAT HER LIKE A BEAR” when talking her through the prone restraint, I fucking CANNOT

“Tell her she’s safe” - NOT IF YOU FUCKING RESTRAIN HER LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT

The fact that she gets up, smiling and happy after a meltdown and immediately is excited to get a snow cone... I can honestly say that after a meltdown, I am in no way happy or smiling. I am often not very verbal and I’m withdrawn/not myself for at least several hours, usually the rest of the day. Fuck this film

This film is literally just about Zu, and Music is there for a plot device to give her character development. That’s all she’s there for.

Love how Sia shoehorned Zu being suicidal in there. You know, just to try and make her more easy to sympathize with (it doesn’t work)

This film is literally just a 1 hour 47 minute Sia music video with ZERO plot

WHY WERE THEY WEARING PILLOW DIAPERS IN ONE NUMBER-

I really did not feel into the side plot with that guy who was fighting but it was still better than the actual movie so...

I am SO DONE with the NON STOP CONSTANT vocal shit. So tired.

LOJ’s only role in this film is to be the stereotypical wise black guy who assists a white woman’s story. There’s like hardly any other depth there

The Ebo/Zu romance is so fucking stupid and pointless and out of NOWHERE. I couldn’t even tell if they were into each other or not

I was already so bored of the musical numbers by this point. They added NOTHING to the plot but they pretended they did, and I was so over it. And it’s not because I’m not “creative enough” or anything to understand, I love musicals and I think it could have been cool if done right... but it wasn’t. They were a mess. It’s just bad.

Sia really tried to pretend her movie was deep but really it’s a shallow mess

So Zu is meeting rich drug clients and says to Music “try not to have one of your freak outs up there” and “if you could try to get it out now”... FUCKING YIKES. It’s not an on/off button, shut the fuck up

YEP THIS WAS THE SIA CAMEO FUCK THAT BITCH

The fact that she just calls “DRUG DEALER?!? DRUG DEALER IS THAT YOU”, fucking end this please-

I fucking hate this bitch I’m dead serious

“We’re gonna send them to Haiti cause there’s been an earthquake. All these buildings fell down, children’s bones were dislocated” - WHY WAS SHE SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT

“Gonna buy a shit load of pain meds, gonna but them on my private plane” - FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

“Pop stars without borders” - Sia thinks she’s so clever but I would give anything to punch her I swear-

ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER JUST STOP IM BEGGING YOU

There’s this awkward conversation/bit with Zu and her drug dealer/loanshark about his outfit that was clearly meant to be funny but was just flat and painful

Yep, Sia really showed Music eating chewing gum off the underside of a park bench. Of course.

Look, the kid I work with does similar stuff by putting literally anything and everything in his mouth but like... why would you put that in your movie?

And there’s no indication before this that Music puts everything and anything in her mouth, she just randomly decides to get on her knees, under the bench and eat chewing gum, like she calculates that it’s there and gets it???

She has a THIRD meltdown after an allergic reaction to a bee sting and her sister just yells at her before realizing... I’m not here for this movie, I feel like I drifted off and was not really there

So Zu got angry because she left the drugs at the park but she’s not that upset that her sister had an allergic reaction???

Zu gets absolutely drunk because a) she lost Sia’s drugs and b) she’s stressed out by her autistic sister... wow, great message, Sia!

She really fucked off and left her sister alone to go clubbing/on a bender

The less said about the musical number here the better

Sia’s movie also checks the box of having stereotypical Asian parents, specifically stereotypical Asian dad being harsh/angry and hitting his wife!

ALSO HE PUSHED AND KILLED HIS SON WTF IS HAPPENING

Less than 3 minutes after the last, there’s a musical number that I think was about this side character going to heaven... another shitty Sia-esque number

The patterns during the number made my brain hurt.

Also there are so many autistic actors who can also dance, and yet Sia chose the neurotypical one because ✨ N E P O T I S M ✨

I just want to know how it was deemed necessary to show the fact the autistic character peed/wet herself? I mean... ??? It’s just so undignified and not at all necessary to the plot. Nothing happens after that, it just moves onto the next scene and it didn’t do anything

“I have no one” - 1) YOUR FUCKING SISTER. 2) GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY, couldn’t be that you’re a shitty human being?!?

There’s a scene where Music is walking and she does ALL the stereotypical behaviours at once... just YIKES

Zu somehow stopped another meltdown just by grabbing Music by the shoulders and sitting her down???

Aaand yep. Another shitty musical number

Zu really goes to put her sister in a fucking facility and claims it’ll be “better for her” - BULLSHIT. Better for Zu, maybe, not Music.

Ah yes - the girl who the characters have said has problems with routines being changed/change in general... you’re now going to fuck up her routine by dumping her in a facility. Perfect Plan.

The nonverbal autistic girl suddenly speaking to say “don’t go” - you can just predict it from the off, can’t you?

Love that as soon as Music starts talking, Zu is like “fuck it, I’ll keep her!”

Zu really went and crashed Ebo’s brothers wedding... in a fucking bralette... YIKES

“I almost gave Music away” - SHE IS NOT A DOG YOU DONT GIVE PEOPLE AWAY

“We should sing a song” - PLEASE DO FUCKING NOT

Also that kiss/romance montage between Zu and Ebo was the CRINGIEST fucking shit ever

This movie seems to be implying that Music has locked in syndrome or something, like she’s locked in her own head or whatever it’s called, and I just... *sigh*

Oh and now Music magically fucking sings in a room FULL of strangers... this is literally embarrassing, please let this end

I mean it, this movie was fucking painful to watch on ever level

She got a service dog puppy which... okay?

Oh look, it’s the only decent song on the soundtrack but with an absolutely shitty over-stimulatory music video with the credits!

I can only name 5 characters in this film. Maybe 7 at a push, but even then I would be guessing

AND YEP SHE THANKED AUTISM SPEAKS OVER THE CREDITS. FUCK YOU SIA 🖕🏻

Let me reiterate: this is a movie about a neurotypical former drug addict whose character development comes from the autistic character, from having an autistic sister she has to take care of. I’m so tired.

We are NOT plot devices or tools for character development. Not once does anyone in this film treat Music like a human being - she’s treated as a burden, a problem, and then like a pet that they decide to keep. Not once is the film focused on how she is feeling - it’s always about Zu or Ebo. The performance itself was so over exaggerated and it made me want to cry when I watched it because this is how the world sees us, and this movie will make it ten times worse. It’s stuff like this that made me think “I don’t want to be labelled as autistic because people will think I’m a certain way”, that made me wait so long before going to the GP to get a referral.

As I said, poor autistic representation aside, the movie is just so appallingly bad. It truly is one of the worst films I’ve watched. If you’re going to watch it, please don’t - or, if you want to because you want to see how bad it is/to raise awareness/critical posts, at least do it illegally. Do not give Sia your money.

#sia #music #music 2021 #music movie #autism #tw ableism #tw meltdown #tw blackface #anti sia #lol sia

[fezcosbitch]

JJ MAYBANK IMAGINE:

PASSION AND WILD REGRET 2

After a few requests, here’s the second part to passion and wild regret

you can read part 1 here

if the link doesn't work please tell me! x

I hope you enjoy ❤️

You can request if you want x

Warnings: Angst, hella angst. Also the pogues (kie) are rude in this one like...RUDE. Reader is confrontational and not gonna lie, i’m here for it, like I wish I could do this. also if you like Kie... you about to not like Kie, shes a bit off the rails, mega jealous ex here.

All feedback’s welcome, as long as its not mean or rude 💙

So yeah, hopefully you enjoy❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was 2:57 when i woke up the following morning, or evening, and i had absolutely no clue what to  do with myself. I had an immense headache, and a deep pain in my heart. How could they do that? say that? You had been there for them all, through everything. Yet somehow they decide to say all that about you. You were there for Kie when she was at her lowest point, you found her in the bathrooms with Sarah, yet when Sarah left, you stayed, and she never saw it. When John B felt like he would never fit in, and you were the only one (apart from JJ) who stuck by him. Or pope, who, for preparation for his college interview wanted someone to revise with so he wouldn’t be lonely for hours on end, and when everyone opted to surf and sun tan instead of help him, you were the one to stay behind and assist him in his studies, while you could’ve been outside in the summer, tanning and surfing. And  then JJ, the person who undoubtedly hurt you the most. You were there for him all the time. Throughout all the beatings his dad gave him. And all the angry times he almost threw his life away by getting arrested. You saved him from so much, and yet he repays you by saying you’re too much for him, and not worth him.

You couldn’t stand having these thoughts festering around in your mind, so decided that the best thing would be to confront the pogues, and ask why they thought what they did. You hopped in your car and drove over to the chateau, ready to either make or break all your supposed friendships.

Pulling up to the chateau, You saw all the pogues sitting around the porch, talking about something you couldn’t hear. After you’ve stepped out your car, you slam the door shut and lock it, as all the pogues heads turn to look at you. JJ immediately gets up and heads towards you, while the rest of the pogues stand up behind him.

“oh baby I-” JJ started, tears brimming in his eyes already just wanting to apologize over and over again. “don’t even JJ, don’t even start” you said , shaking your head at him “I-” he tried again desperate for you to hear what he wanted to say. “NO JJ, NO. You don’t get to speak over me ok? none of you do. I cant believe you guys i mean, how dare you. I’ve done nothing but stick by you! all of you! yet you repay me like this? wow, Thanks guys I really appreciate that yeah. Just, I can’t believe all of you.” You quickly let out, looking at all of them

“I DIDN’T AGREE WITH THEM BABY I SWEAR” JJ bursts out, desperate for you to forgive him. “what?” you question, immediately wanting to know if this is true. “ I-I-I don’t know what you heard but I never agreed to what they said,I would never, please baby believe me, I know you’ve done so much for me, you’re the best thing to ever happen to me, I argued fully with them all night, I never once agreed, please take me back.” JJ begged, now directly in front of you grasping onto your hands. “is this true?” you asked the rest of the pogues behind him, desperate to find out if it was true or not, desperately wanting someone on your side. All the pogues solemnly nodded, proving to you that JJ did in fact argue against his friends. You looked him dead in the eye “of course i’ll take you back idiot, i kind of stormed of halfway through, didn’t get to hear what you said” you told him smiling through your tears of joy due to knowing that JJ did in fact fight for you. you quickly take him in your arms and hold him tight, “I’m so sorry” you whispered, knowing it must of been hard for him to read the letter you left him. “It’s ok” he whispered back, lightly kissing your shoulder. In that moment you both knew you were never going to let go of each other again, and that if needed, you’d swim entire oceans to be together. 

In all of that chaos you had forgotten the pogues behind you, who you initially came here for. Breaking out of the hug between you and JJ, you turn to face them with all your pent up anger ready to be unleashed, and knowing JJ was safely with you, and prepared to go to the end of the earth with you, you felt ready to take on whatever your ‘friends’ say to you. 

“What about you guys then?” you started off. “What was that all about? all the ‘Y/ns not good enough for you’, and the ‘she’ll only bring you down’ what was all that?” you questioned looking around at all three of them “Its our honest thoughts” Kie spoke up, making you turn to look at her. “really?” you questioned, cocking one eyebrow. “yeah” she responded, crossing her arms. “boys?” you asked, wanting to see if they agreed. John B was the first to nod his head, almost instantly, and pope slowly after, agreeing with his statement. “wow... All my friends hate me.” you whistled, slowly coming to the full realization. JJ grasped your hand, to remind you that he was there for you. “We don’t hate you y/n... we just hate you and JJ being together” John B backed Kiara up, acting as if it was the most obvious thing ever. “why bro? why can’t you just be happy for us?” JJ questioned from behind you, genuinely curious “ because bro, Shes a bad influence. She doesn’t care bro, not about you, us, anyone man why can’t you see that? sure shes cool and stuff and shes a fun friend but that’s all she should ever be” John B ranted. “ What the fuck bro? All of you think that? wow. So everything I’ve ever done for you guys is washed away by some dumb mistakes right? I do some drugs and SHIT I’m the worst person in the world right? everything I’ve ever done forgotten because of some things I do when I’m drunk right?” you questioned all at once, trying to show them how stupid they were being. “Yes” Kiara responds. “Yes because we don’t know what else you’ll do. First it’s molly, next its what? METH?” Kiara stressed. “You’re unreliable, and God knows what you could get JJ into.” she finished. “wha- Kie why are you SO scared about what JJ could get into man? Like what?  I’d never hurt him, or do anything like that, I love him man, so what are you so worried about?” you ranted, confused by Kies emotions. Of course you understood her worry for her friends. but she didn’t say that about John B, or Pope, so why JJ? “BECAUSE YOU DON’T DESERVE HIM! YOU NEVER DID” Kie fully lets out. Ah, you understood now. “You jealous Kiara?” you questioned? “you want JJ yeah? want him to be with you, so now everything I do apparently is more of a reason for him to be with you yeah?” you finally said, having worked out why she was so angry. Kie and the rest of the pogues were silent at your discovery. “wait, what about you guys?” you questioned the two boys. “well uhh, Kie kinda told us you may have cheated on J”

your jaw dropped. 

“THE FUCK KIE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” you were shocked at the lies she was spilling. “ WELL YOU DON’T DESERVE HIM ANYWAY, THE MORE PEOPLE THAT SEE THAT MAYBE THE MORE HE’LL REALIZE IT, WHO CARES IF THERE’S A COUPLE OF LIES” all of you stood there shocked at what Kie just said. “ the fuck-” JJ started, shocked out of his mind that Kie would say something like that. “ I can’t even. Don’t talk to me Kiara, don’t even approach me until i say so, oh and sort out your major jealousy problem, it’s not cute honey” you said while getting in your car, waiting for JJ to enter in the passenger side. After J got in, you started the car and rolled down your window, “oh and I forgive you boys, i understand why you did it, so like don’t worry. Sort it out Kie, love” you sarcastically grinned and waved to her as you drove away.

“Jesus Christ” you said to JJ “you know I’d never cheat on you don’t you?” you questioned just to make sure. “no of course i know you wouldn’t, its just, the fuck was that with Kie like, what even?” JJ responded. “Honestly, I don’t even know. I forgive John B and Pope cause like, obviously, they were lied to and lead to believe all that but like. How can she be so jealous man?” you questioned, genuinely curious about how one person could be so jealous of another. “I don’t know baby, I don’t know” J responded while kissing your hand.

even though you were away from it all, one question played on your mind...why would she do that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yeah... Kie did that.

What were your thoughts? Please tell me ! 💙

Part 3 anyone? If so please tell me x

Sorry for the long wait x

And also sorry if it’s bad ❤️

But yeah that was that how do you feel about it?

All feedbacks welcome as long as it’s not rude or mean💙

But yeah, cya

People who wanted to be tagged :

@mrsmaybank18 (Wouldn’t let me tag you :( )

@captainwinterwriter @ifilwtmfc @hurricane-abigail

@thenextteen

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj #jj maybank angst #obx #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank x oc #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you #john b #part #JJ #Sarah Cameron #rafe Cameron #pope heyward #kiara carrera #jj Maybank #JJ Maybank #angst #jealous #jj Maybank x jealous reader #jealous kiarra carrera #part2 #OBX #obx2 #obx imagine #Outerbanks

[bangtangalicious]

the glow up | kth (4)

pairing: taehyung x reader

summary: after going off to college, you & your best friend committed to working out. a year later, the results show, and you cant wait for your hot hometown friends to see you. now all you wanna do is wild out and have lots of sex, and enjoy it without feeling insecure

genre: smut, childhoodfriends!au weightloss!au (is that a thing) friends-to-lovers!au

word count: 2.2k

warnings: tittie sucking, fingering (dubcon bc jungkook is an ass), misogyny/sexism, public sex (locker room), creampie, unprotected sex, slight slut shaming, body image issues (please remember that there is no ideal body type and every body is beautiful)

part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7                                                    masterlist

“Hey y/n” You were startled at his use of your name as opposed to his endearing princess. He was dressed nicely in a black hoodie with his glasses on, but his expression was tense.

“Tae” You acknowledge him as you got into the passenger seat. You really really liked his car now. “Listen, you don’t have to be sorry about anything”

“No, I really do though. I could have just shut up and let you and Jimin have your happy ending” He huffed, “We both know it’ll ultimately work out that way anyway, I just added drama and I’m sorry”

You wondered exactly when Taehyung got so mature, or if he had always been this way and you just never noticed.

“Anyways…I hope its okay, but I invited Hobi and Jungkook to lunch with us” Your face dropped slightly, and he noticed. You hated that he was being awkward. You wanted to feel all the amazing things you had the other day all over again. Taehyung was a drug. You had a hit and now you wanted more.

“Tae…” You whispered, grabbing his hand and bringing it to your chest. His jaw clenched as he made contact with your heaving breast. “Please” You made pleading eyes at him allowing him to squeeze your tit slowly.

“Hood of the car. Now” He exhaled sternly. You did ask requested, finding yourself in a similar position, back over the headlights, legs wide open, licking your lips in anticipation.

“Sit up” He ordered as he pulled you towards him so that he was standing in between your legs. He pulled down your shirt color until he had access to your clothed breast, moving your bra cup aside and allowing his mouth to trail kisses from your neck—“Mmm you smell good”—to your collar—finally kissing your nipple.

He looked up at you with lust shot eyes as he flicked his tongue across before enveloping it into his mouth. He sucked like a baby, moaning into you, the vibrations from his deep voice stimulating you even more. It was a sigh to behold, as he gripped your hips to hold you against him and sucked you.

You cried out, breathing heavily with the way his tongue was splashing around in circles causing waves of heat to come over you. You liked the ways his lips felt around your nipple, and the way his tongue drew circles around it-you took note. So I’m into this. Huh. You were very aware of how damp your underwear was getting, as yoou ran hyour hands through his hair, clenching as you tilted your head back and moaned.

“You’re fucking delicious princess” He remarked, breaking away finally to admire how he had made you swollen. He ran his thumb over his work, giving one last pinch, making you squirm before he fixed your clothing, “But…we’ll have time for this later. Let’s get going” His eyes had a playful glimmer as he winked at you, riled up and unsatisfied.

Fucking tease.

You arrived at a small urban cafe in the more happening part of town. Hobi and Jungkook were already at a table outside, with tall mimosas in front of them. Jungkook had on flashy sunglasses but lowered them as he saw you approaching, giving you a flirty look and smirking slightly as he watched you walk. Taehyung pulled a chair out for you and you took a seat by Jungkook after giving Hobi a quick back hug.

“Cute outfit y/n. I love the baggy look” Hobi commented. Your face reddened, realizing it was probably really obvious you were wearing Jimin’s clothes.

“She looks hot as fuck.” Jungkook thirsted, shamelessly glancing at your breasts were faintly imprinting against the fabric. He downed the last of his drink.

As you guys shared a meal, you enjoyed conversing openly with Hobi and Jungkook about their sex lives. You appreciated how open and candid they were as you continued to attempt to understand your own desires more.

“Y/n how does it feel to be part of that crowd now” Hobi asked. You tilted your head in confusion. “You know...now that you’re the sexiest girl in town I bet everyone’s been making moves.”

“Yeah I’ve definitely been getting a lot more attention from guys. Shows how fucking shallow half of them are”

“You girls are all hoes though so it doesn’t really matter. Why else would you try so hard to look sexy, yanno? Like I could be hooking up with the same girl and no one else but I still wouldn’t date her because she’s probably gonna dip for the next best dick she can get.” Jungkook added. Taehyung rolled his eyes and kicked him under the table “Hey, I’m just being honest. Why else would you go through a glow up phase? We all did it at some point, we were like yeah I wanna get laid so I better bulk up”

“No Jungkook that’s what you did” Hobi chuckled. “Hot girls aren’t all hoes, and hot guys aren’t just hot so they can get laid. I don’t agree with that. But I do think that everyone needs to fuck around a bit before they settle into a serious relationship or anything. I think it’s healthy when people go around for a bit and then finally are like, yeah okay I’ve seen what’s out there so I can say for certain what I want” Hobi commented, changing the topic. He delved into some details of a recent relationship of his but unfortunately his words did not register with you as you suddenly felt a hand slipping under the waistline of your sweats.

You knew it had to be Jungkook, Taehyung would never touch you without asking. You mouth formed an O as his hand traced along your aroused folds, still wet from Taehyung’s quick tit suck earlier. You gulped, straining to keep your mouth shut as Hobi continued on. You glanced at Taehyung who was observing you very carefully, clearly aware of what was likely going on.

Jungkook slid a finger into your cunt and it sucked it in welcomingly. You bit your lip as he slowly retracted it, allowing you to hear the faint squelching of your tender muscle. 

He repeated his motions, causing you to move forward until you were barely hanging on the edge of the chair. You gripped the table tightly, knuckles whitening with the pressure. You wouldn’t dare look at Jungkook, knowing that seeing his face would probably send you over the edge.

He pumped his fingers in and out and you couldn’t help but feel a strange mixture of dread and enjoyment. Yes you were horny, Taehyung had ensured that, so being fingered felt great. But a ball turned in your stomach at the unwanted intrusion from your friend. Were these guys really like this to all the “attractive” girls they hang out with? Do they just constantly flirt and grope them? Ugh.

Taehyung pursed his lips tightly before he finally snapped. “Fucking Christ, just go ahead and fuck right here why don’t you” He folded his arms over his chest, shooting both of you a disappointed glare.

Jungkook slowly pulled his finger out of you and put it straight into his mouth,  and you finally made eye contact with him as he licked your arousal off of himself. 

“Y/n we’re leaving. God Jungkook did you even get consent you prick?” Taehyung spat at him. You got up and Jungkook slapped your ass playfully.

“She’s one of the hot girls now, might as well treat her like one. Text me babe” He sent an air kiss your way and you shuddered slightly. Taehyung gently took your wrist and led you away.

It was later that evening. Your heart was pounding, and a slight sense of dizziness overcame you as you sped the treadmill up even faster. Taehyung had agreed to accompany you to the gym and you had been sprinting as fast as you could for almost half an hour trying to blow off steam from the events that had happened at lunch. 

Jungkook’s words stuck with you, and in a fucked up way you felt like he was trying to prove a point. You felt the air in your lungs escape as your chest tightened. You were overdoing it. You knew that, but you wanted to feel numb. Wanted to feel the bliss of the aftermath of a super intense workout.

Your mind wandered to the biggest issue on your plate. Jimin. You wanted more than anything to go to him. To tell him what happened and get his advice. But you messed that up, and now you were no longer sure if it was worth messing it up. You had never been so conflicted in your life. Your bones screamed at you that your pace was getting too much, pain shooting up to your knees as you pounded your feet with every step. 

Talk about running away from your problems.

“Y/n!” Taehyung came over from where he had been doing weights and turned off the treadmill, bringing you to a rapid halt. You panted, sweat soaking you head to toe. Taehyung grabbed your arm to help you stay standing as you began to sway side to side with lightheadedness. You could see black spots paint your vision. He wrapped his arm around you and helped you walk into the locker room where luckily there was no one.

“I don’t wanna feel it Tae…I don’t wanna feel anything. This is all too much. I am so fucking confused. I miss Jimin, and what Jungkook did today I…” You held back a sob, “He’s right. This is what I want isn’t it? So why do I hate it so much. All you guys do whatever you want to these girls you usually get with and sexualize them so much and I’m just not used to it but that’s what I wanted right?”

Taehyung sighed, stroking your back, “Look princess…Jungkook and I aren’t the greatest people. After getting to college, you know how it is, we kinda all became fuckboys. The people we hang out with literally breathe to get off. Everyone fucks everyone else. And I’m no saint at all. I fuck around even more than Jungkook does, albeit I’m a bit more respectful about it, but it’s all the same game to us. I understand that this is all new for you but…I just want you to know that for me, I’m not treating you any differently because of this weight loss thing. I promise. They way I fuck you, the way I treat you…I would have done it just the same a year ago.”

“You say that but”

“I’ve wanted to have sex with you for years okay. I knew you before all of this fucking hook-up culture. I wanted you because I liked you. I still like you, even though we rarely see each other anymore. Not just because of your body. It happened now because you initiated it. I don’t know how else to get it through your head. And by God, what the fuck were you just doing? Were you trying to make yourself pass out? Why would you run that fast?”

“I just needed to relieve some stress okay”

“Then let me help you” His voice was husky and low. Time slowed down as Taehyung carefully leaned closer to you. He trailed his fingers down your sides and around the waist of your shorts, tugging the fabric ever so subtly. He remained still, breathing heavily with a heartbeat drowning out everything. “You can say no. Any time. Even if you realize later that you don’t want to do this anymore you can stop me. I won’t ever get mad and I won’t ever judge you” His voice was quivering before he grabbed your waist and pressed himself up close to you. “Do you want this princess? Can I take care of you?”

You nodded your head as Taehyung leaned down and kissed you while gently pushing you back against the lockers. He quickly pulled off your tanktop, not minding the sweat as he inhaled sharply. He lifted you so you could wrap your legs around him and began to slowly rock his body against yours.

He moaned into you mouth as he felt the impact of your bodies colliding. He spread your legs out wider and began to grind against you faster. You held back screams as he grabbed your breasts. Taehyung licked his lips and kissed you harshly, biting down your lips before mumbling “You’re so fucking hot princess”

“Taehyung” You finally moaned, giving him all the motivation he needed to grind faster. He slipped his hands under your sports bra and began to caress you. You cursed in pleasure.

Suddenly the two of you heard footsteps coming into the locker room. Taehyung allowed you to slide down as he quickly backed away. He took your hand and led you to a far corner of the room before sitting on the locker room bench and pulling your body down on his lap. You looked at him with concern, but Taehyung ignored it completely.

“Tae...you make me feel so fucking good”

“Yeah?” He grinned

“Aren’t we going to get caught?”

“I don’t care” He quickly tugged down your shorts as well as his own revealing his thick cock, with precum budding furiously at the tip, aching to be released. He helped you lower yourself onto him before he gripped your hips and began bouncing you up and down his length.

“Scream my name” He demanded, whispering darkly into your ear “you’re doing so good”

You whimpered, “Taehyung” you cried out as you felt yourself peaking, “Taehyung oh my god don’t stop,” You begged. He was shaking you so violently that you finally were pushed over the edge. 

You screamed his name louder than you meant to, feeling Taehyung smile against your neck. He let you get up off of him while he fixed his shorts. He was still aroused, but he didn’t mind. He just wanted you to feel good.

“Is everything okay we heard screaming?” One of the gym staff members walked in just as you had managed to get decent.

“Yes sir, everything is fine! She just saw a spider, poor thing” Taehyung pulled you back into him so you could feel his still hard cock against your asscheek  as the staff member nodded and left.

You waited until the footsteps seemed more far off. You turned around and couldn’t suppress your big smile as you made eye contact with Taehyung, who also grinned widely. He grabbed your waist and began to undress you again quickly.

“Hey that’s not fair. I wanna see your shirt off too” You pouted. Taehyung smirked, obeying you and pulling it off effortlessly. You traced the muscles on his chest that formed a perfect 11.

“Like what you see?”

“Jimin has a six pack soooo” You teased as you tugged on his waistline, helping him slide off his shorts again. Your eyes scanned him as he became naked and you licked your lips, “Yeah…” You met his eyes and giggled, “I like what I see”

“Yeah you better” He teased before attacking you with kisses again.

Taehyung slid back inside of your tight pussy while maintaining eye contact with you. He began sucking your neck playfully. He watched you carefully as he began to move in and out of you slowly, picking up the pace as he saw your positive reaction. Taehyung nuzzled his face into your breasts. 

“You’ve been waiting for this all day haven’t you” You teased.

“Yeah and what if I have” His voice was raspy, full of lust. The sound send chills down your spine and turned you on more. Taehyung could tell. “Oh you like that huh?” He continued to talk in that voice, grinning as he trailed kisses back up to your mouth.

Taehyung shifted you so your back was on the bench. He spread your legs and entered you slowly. You tilted your head back and just took it all in. After some pumping Taehyung lowered himself closer to your body and looked at you deeply.

“You close?” You asked him sincerely. Taehyung nodded, moaning slightly into your shoulder. You were unsure what to do to help him at that point, your orgasm earlier leaving you too spent for another one. So you decided to just tease him. “What was it that they say in pornos...oh right. You’re doing so good baby” You felt Taehyung’s hips buckle at your words, “Will you please cum for me? God you’re sooooo hot mmm, just like that” You played your most seductive voice and Taehyung knew you were messing around but it still turned him on. 

He kissed you chastely, hands grabbing your ass tightly as he came. He cursed under his breath & eventually fell into your lap in exhaustion.

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A/N: im tired man idk

taglist: (lmk if you wanna be added!!) @honeyspillings @hollowtree10

#taehyung x you #bangtansmut #bangtansmutcentral #btssmutcentral #bts smut central #bangtan smut net #bts smut #bts smut recs #taehyung smut #taehyung scenarios #taehyung imagine #jimin smut #taehyung fanfic #bts fics

[tigerkirby215]

5e Samira, the Desert Rose build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Jessica 'OwleyCat' Oyhenart. Made for Riot Games.)

Still fucking hate this champ but her theme still slaps.

The eternal joke of me putting off making a build for Samira is finally over, though ironically enough my distain for this champ has only grown overtime. Jesus fucking Christ Rito can you nerf this champ’s goddamn damage? Like nerfing her lifesteal is nice and all but it doesn’t mean shit when my dumbfuck teammates picked 4 assassins into her and I’m the only one who can CC her as a Lulu.

Ah well: Samira still definitely fills a fantasy everyone wants, being a badass with sword and gun styling on the competition. Devil May Cry? Yeah I suppose Samira would be pretty good in a campaign against Fiends.

GOALS

You want style? You've found her - Smile, Sweet, Sister, Sadistic; we’ll need to Surprise the Service with Style to Spare. Sssssssssssssssssamira.

Eyes up! - We’ll need to be everywhere at once, dashing and dancing around the battlefield so no one can lock us down.

Showtime! - When push comes to shove it’s time to speeeeeeeeeen~

RACE

Samira is human no matter what the meta might dictate, and for once in my life I actually want something particular from Variant Human. But firstly: you can increase two Ability Scores of your choice by 1: increase both Dexterity and Wisdom for sharp sight and sharper shots. You also get a skill of your choice and a language of your pleasing. For your skill take Slight of Hand for flips and other gun tricks, and for your language Infernal will be good for your Inferno Trigger.

Again: we came to Variant Human land for a Feat because two guns are better than one. The Crossbow Expert Feat will give you a variety of benefits: no need to reload (or at least the ability to ignore the Loading property), no disadvantage in melee range... But most importantly if you fire a Hand Crossbow (which will be working as our handgun in this build) you can fire it again as a Bonus Action! "Well! Look at you."

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - Dexterity is tied to both shooting and backflips.

14; CHARISMA - Who needs a military license when you’ve got style?

13; WISDOM - Wisdom measures how in-tune you are with the world around you, and you need heightened senses not to die doing stupid shit.

12; CONSTITUTION - Most of Samira’s sustain comes from Lifesteal but we won’t really be able to get lifesteal, so just focus on not dying really.

10; STRENGTH - It takes a lot of upper body strength to do the stuff that Samira does but Riot isn’t about to make another Illaoi.

8; INTELLIGENCE - Your primary goal is to do things as recklessly and dangerously as possible... “for the Vine” as the kids say. Vine shut down ages ago!

BACKGROUND

Samira is a mercenary. I wonder if there’s a background for that... hey look at that Mercenary Veteran in the Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide! You get proficiency in Athletics and Persuasion as well as Ground Vehicles and a gaming set of your choice. But of course the main benefit of being a mercenary is the Mercenary Life. You can easily identify other mercenaries and know bits and pieces of their lives. You can also easily find work by hanging around taverns and such until Captain Indari passes on some info to you.

(Artwork made for Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

Starting off as a Rogue because I like skill proficiencies! Skills like Acrobatics, Perception, Insight, and Performance; you were a street performer once! You also get Expertise in two of those skills: Acrobatics and Athletics are necessary to be everywhere at once.

You can chat in Noxian military code thanks to Thieves’ Cant, but c’mon that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here for Sneak Attack! If an enemy is distracted or you have advantage you can stick a d6 where the sun don’t shine!

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

Second level Rogues get Cunning Action, letting them Dash, Disengage, or Hide as a Bonus Action. Dance around the battlefield like an Olympic gymnast... does Runeterra have the Olympics?

LEVEL 3 - ROGUE 3

Third level Rogues get to choose their Roguish Archetype: to be the queen of style and also make people think you’re from Bilgewater (yeah I get it; it’s because of the eyepatch) look no further than the Swashbuckler subclass. Swashbucklers get two abilities at level 1 but honestly it’s more like three abilities: Rakish Audacity will let you add your Charisma modifier to initiative rolls so you can get into fights fast, and will also let you Sneak Attack anyone who’s beside you. I’d consider it less like you sneak attacking them and more like you slashing them with your sword. Oh and speaking of Sneak Attack? That increases to 2d6 now.

Speaking of sword slashing: Fancy Footwork is the mobile feat! Well, it makes it so that after you try to make a melee attack against an enemy you can move away without provoking opportunity attacks. It’s a little weird to run around with a sword in one hand and a gun in the other but you can easily slash at someone before backflipping away and running off to shoot them next turn!

(Artwork by @Aruneeko on Twitter)

LEVEL 4 - BARD 1

You didn’t think we’d be settling for just one class, did you? It’s time to go Bard; the masters of style! Bards get another skill proficiency at level 1 because why not be good at everything? Grab Medicine proficiency because it’s good to know how to bandage yourself up when living a dangerous lifestyle. “On my worst behavior." You also get a musical instrument and you know that I’ll always opt for good ol’ Noxian War Drums.

Bards get Bardic Inspiration, letting them show off their awesomeness so that awesomeness radiates onto their allies to give them a d6 to attack rolls, ability checks, and saving throws. You’ve got a number of these equal to your Charisma modifier, and regain them at the end of a Long Rest. For now, at least.

And of course while you may be all guns your style makes it look like Spellcasting... because it is. Bards get 2 cantrips and 4 spells at level 1:

CANTRIPS

Prestidigitation will let you put all the visual flair you could want on your moves, and more!

If you wanna walk the walk you’ve gotta talk the talk, and Vicious Mockery will let you talk smack so hard they can’t hit back! "Keep the change; you're gonna need it."

SPELLS

Magic is usually dangerous, and danger is usually fun! Take Detect Magic to see where that danger may be!

If you need some space in a pinch Thunderwave will give yourself some peel.

Steel yourself to do something crazy with Heroism, which will also give you a bit of a shield to do so!

You are still technically working for Noxus so it would be good to Identify anything important... or valuable... For safe keeping of course!

LEVEL 5 - BARD 2

Second level Bards truly are good at everything thanks to Jack of All Trades, letting you add half your proficiency bonus to any skill you don’t have proficiency in. You probably noticed that we already have proficiency in a silly amount of skills but I’m not going to say no to MORE!

After dangerous stunts it’s good to cool off with a Song of Rest, letting you help your crew with a d6 of healing during short rests to bandage up those wounds.

And of course: more spells! Faerie Fire will let you light ‘em up to get advantage, which will make it easier to sneak attack!

LEVEL 6 - BARD 3

Third level Bards get Expertise in two more skills: Perception will help you spot danger and Medicine will help you after dealing with danger.

But of course what we’re mainly here for is your Bardic College and in order to be too cool for school go for the College of Swords. You get some Bonus Proficiencies that don’t really matter but what does matter is you can use your sword to cast spells instead of a drum! Additionally you get a choice of Fighting Style and Dueling will make your sword swings do more damage if you swing it with one hand. I guess it’s worth mentioning that while a rapier would do the most damage a scimitar is the only finesse weapon that does slashing? (Excluding whips.)

But the main feature we’re here for is Blade Flourish which despite the name does also work with your hand crossbows. When you attack your movement speed increases by 10 feet as you charge up that Daredevil Impulse. If you hit with your shot however you can make a Blade Flourish (which again works with your hand crossbows?) of your choice from the following list:

Defensive Flourish does extra damage and also increases your AC as you dodge incoming projectiles.

Slashing Flourish will let you cleave with your sword (and just your sword because it only works on nearby enemies.)

Mobile Flourish will let you chase after a fleeing foe... after pushing them. But after shoving them into danger you can use your reaction to dive right in!

You can only use one Blade Flourish per turn which will matter later. As for what will matter now? Second level spells! Enhance Ability will help you give 110%!

LEVEL 7 - BARD 4

Heeey it’s about time we got an Ability Score Improvement! Our Dexterity has been lacking and you need that to fire straight!

Word of advice: if you know you aren’t going to level 20 feel free to get 4 levels in Rogue for the sake of the ASI.

You also get another spell, and another cantrip! For your cantrip Message is always good for keeping in team chat. For leveled spells Warding Wind does let you deflect nearby projectiles so... 

LEVEL 8 - BARD 5

5th level Bards get Font of Inspiration so their Bardic Inspiration die come back on a Short Rest, which is good because said Bardic Inspiration die also increases to a d8! Oh and when I say “Bardic Inspiration” I actually mean your Blade Flourish die. "If you can't keep up don't step up. I don't have time for fools."

And now third level spells are up on the table, but they all suck so take Mirror Image from the second level instead, which was added to the Bard spell list thanks to Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything!

(Artwork by GaMu-ChAn on DeviantArt)

LEVEL 9 - RANGER 1

Three way multiclass? Don’t mind if I do! You get an extra skill proficiency by multiclassing into Ranger, because why not. Take Survival because you’re clearly damn good at it since you’re still alive.

Rangers get Deft Explorer at level 1 because Natural Explorer sucks and Tasha’s made Ranger a good class! Canny lets you learn two languages (honestly just pick your poison) and get Expertise in another skill, because lord knows we don’t have enough of those. I know we just got Survival proficiency, but it’s good to be good at not dying! (As well as finding food.)

You also get Favored Foe at first level, because Favored Enemy smells. If you shoot someone you can legally-not-Hunter’s Mark them so they take a d4 of extra damage once per turn when you shoot them. You concentrate on it like a spell and it works a lot like the Hunter’s Mark spell but you have a limited number of uses equal to your proficiency bonus, instead of using your spell slots.

LEVEL 10 - RANGER 2

Heeey more Fighting Styles! You already improved your sword swings so take Archery for +2 to ranged attack rolls to ensure that you hit your shots.

Rangers also get Spellcasting, only this spellcasting works with your Wisdom instead of your Charisma! You learn two spells from the Ranger list: Jump will let you do some hardcore parkour because the Ranger spell list sucks and I’ve got nothing else to give you, and Cure Wounds will allow Samira to have some healing... as a treat.

LEVEL 11 - RANGER 3

Third level Rangers can choose their archetype and Hunters are masters at taking down their foes. You can choose a way to take down your Hunter’s Prey. Colossus Slayer is a fairly simple affair: if you shoot (or stab) someone who’s already hurt they take an extra d8 of damage. Though you can only apply that extra d8 once per turn.

You also learn another spell: Longstrider will help you move thanks to that Daredevil Impulse. 10 feet may not seem like much but remember that you get an extra 10 feet thanks to Blade Flourish and can dash to turn 50 feet into 100 feet of movement!

Oh and I also completely forgot about Primal Awareness, which replaces Primeval Awareness. You can Speak with Animals once per day! Maybe not in character, but it helps if you have a Yuumi!

LEVEL 12 - RANGER 4

4th level Rangers get an Ability Score Improvement: time to finally cap that Dexterity score for the most precise shots and deadly cuts possible!

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - RANGER 5

Total level 13 isn’t too late to get an Extra Attack, right? Well you can shoot twice now and mix some more Flair into your combos.

You can also learn second level spells now like Aid (ty Tasha’s) to let that adrenaline kick in so you feel no pain. Primal Awareness also gives you Beast Sense for a bit of covert Psy Ops.

LEVEL 14 - RANGER 6

6th level Rangers get Roving from Deft Explorer for 5 extra feet of movement along with a climbing speed and a swimming speed! Reminder that in combination with both Longstrider and Blade Flourish that increases to a whopping 55 movement speed, which means that you can Dash as a Bonus Action to move 110 feet in a turn! "Danger runs from me." Your Favored Foe mark also increases to a d6 of damage.

LEVEL 15 - RANGER 7

7th level Hunters learn some Defensive Tactics: while perhaps not the most useful since you have Heroism and all you’ve certainly got a Steel Will, giving you advantage against being frightened. “Death isn't the scariest thing; it's a mother's rage."

You can also learn another spell: Lesser Restoration can be helpful in a pinch if someone’s trying to slow you down. Or at least if they’re trying to blind, deafen, poison, or paralyze you.

LEVEL 16 - RANGER 8

8th level of Ranger means another Ability Score Improvement: Charisma means higher initiative rolls as well as more Blade Flourishes. Simply put Wisdom can’t beat style!

Oh yeah and you also get Land’s Stride to move through non-magical difficult terrain and plants without slowing down, and for advantage against magic plants. I legit forgot this was even a thing before seeing it on the character sheet.

(Artwork by dominaART on DeviantArt)

LEVEL 17 - RANGER 9

9th level Rangers get 3rd level spells like Conjure Barrage for some bullet rain; "My kind of rain!" Basically you shoot a bunch of bullets in a big cone, because Rangers get this instead of Fireball. Honestly something like Elemental Weapon (ty Tasha’s) would probably be better but we’re still sticking to flavor.

Oh and you can Speak with Plants thanks to Primal Awareness? Honestly these extra spells don’t fit at all but Primeval Awareness sucks. I’m literally adding these extra spells to the build last second.

LEVEL 18 - RANGER 10

10th level Rangers get Tireless from Deft Explorer. As an action, you can give yourself a Shieldbow shield for 1d8 + your Wisdom modifier in Temporary Hitpoints. You can do this a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus, and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest. Additionally: whenever you finish a short rest, your exhaustion level is decreased by 1. Because danger doesn’t wait!

You also get Nature’s Veil because even if Vanish fits Samira better it still freaking sucks. Basically you can play around with Duskblade to turn invisible as a Bonus Action until the end of your next turn. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus, and you regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

LEVEL 19 - RANGER 11

11th level Hunters can finally spin around and hit everyone around them. Whirlwind Attack will let you make a melee attack against any enemy within 5 feet of you (with a separate attack roll for each target.) This is best used when surrounded (obviously) because unlike Samira’s ultimate in League it doesn’t do much extra damage, and you’re better off just stabbing them twice if you want DPS in a 1v1.

You also get your final spell known: take Wind Wall because you have an AoE Wind Wall and I thought it would be funny to steal directly from mister 0/10 powerspike himself. But really get whatever spell you think will be useful.

LEVEL 20 - RANGER 12

Full disclosure: feel free to go for 4 levels in Rogue if you know you aren’t going to hit level 20. I only went for Ranger level 12 because the hit die is bigger.

One last ability score improvement to top the build off: Charisma is still used for a lot of abilities, so increase that because who needs common sense when you’ve got blade flourishes!

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Came all this way to die? - You have many a way to bump up the damage. With 2d6 on a sneak attack, an extra d6 from Favored Foe, a d8 from Blade Flourishes, and a d8 from Colossus Slayer that means that on average you can do about 20 extra damage every turn. That’s definitely nothing to sneeze at!

Finally some action! - Have you ever had +12 to initiative? Would you like to? You are incredibly mobile for a girl who didn’t bring Flash (IE Misty Step) with tons of ways to increase your movement speed and the ability to Dash every turn as a Bonus Action.

This took years of practice... for everyone else - It was not my intention but wow you’re quite the little skill monkey. Two expertise skills from Rogue, another 2 from Bard, and one more from Deft Explorer. Not to mention Jack of All Trades in what few skills you aren’t proficient in to make sure you can do just about anything.

CONS

Oh... I really gotta check these more often - Your spellcasting really isn’t fantastic. We invested almost everything into Charisma but we have very few Bard spells. While I did my best to avoid Ranger spells that forced saving throws there are still some that suffer due to your relatively low Wisdom score... Oh yeah you also have 6th level spell slots but your known spells don’t go past level 3. At least that means you can buff the party with Aid!

I feel most alive when I'm walking the line - As great as your skill checks are your saving throws are quite lacking. Your Dexterity is nice but that’s about it; all your other saves range from average (+5) to bad (+0) Notably your Constitution saves are a mere +1, which means you won’t keep concentration up for long if you play recklessly.

Well-behaved women don't make it - There are a lot of features I took more for flavor then actual utility. For a start Hunter is a rather meh multiclass. This might be one of the times “just play a Fighter with a bow” applies as a subclass like Battlemaster would’ve likely been a better choice, and honestly going down full Swords Bard would’ve given you far more utility overall. There were benefits from Ranger levels but they were lost in the multiclassing MADness.

But you prove that modern-day killers really must hate fun; more often people can’t get style rockin' knives and guns. You don’t need no fancy magic or divine ascension to be a badass: gun ‘em down and cut through whatever remains to show that S stands for Samira and Samira alone... As long as she isn’t permabanned.

(Artwork by @Yangyexin on Twitter)

#dnd #dnd build #dnd guide #DnD 5e #League of Legends #League of Legends Samira #Samira LoL #dnd rogue #dnd bard #dnd ranger #Devil May Cry #S #fuck this shitty champ #Rito plz remove her #holy shit #now she's ruining my TfT too

[nebraska-is-a-myth]

We don't decide - part 10

I'm sorry that I'm so behind in the actual Lore of everything, I’m hoping that after these next few parts are written I can start catching up to more recent events. But enjoy this next part, it’s not as sad as the others, but we got a bit of pre l’manburg Tommy backstory. Comments and asks are always welcome :)

Masterlist

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Wilbur tries not to have regrets, he tries to tell himself to be proud of everything he’s done, to take pride in the man he is today. But it’s hard not to wish that maybe things had gone a little differently when you're currently in a gunfight with one of the most powerful people in the city. For the past few minutes Wilbur has been engaged in a highly unfair shootout between him and the green leader of the smp, but he’s starting to notice something about the other man.

He’s aiming around Wilbur.

Wilbur would like to blame it on his own excellence but dream is one hell of a shot, probably one of the best gunmen here, he could easily one-shot Wilbur if he wanted.

But he doesn't want to.

Dream isn't aiming to kill him, he’s aiming to Miss.

Wilbur wonders how far he could take this new information, wonders how far dream would go to keep up the act, but he’s suddenly distracted when he sees Tubbo run towards him with Fundys blood soaked into his clothes. 

The others want to kill them, Dream does not.

What the hell does wilbur do.

“Tommy’s gone.”

Wilbur whips his head towards the younger boy and he feels his heart drop.

“What.”

“He ran to the other side Wil.”

“Jesus Christ Tubbo phrase your words better.”

“Sorry.”

Wilbur exhales and once again peaks his head out of cover to try and spot the younger boy.

“What do you mean he’s on the other side.”

“I mean he ran across into smp territory.”

Wilbur hates children.

“They’re going to kill him will.”

He really fuckin hates children.

Wilbur peaks his head out from behind the barrier they’re both crouched behind and tries to spot a head of blond hair running through the chaos. He feels hopeless and quite frankly blind  until a flash of yellow and l’manburg colors passes between two walls in the distance, he motions for Tubbo to stay put and sets off to try and find Tommy. The brunette doesn't get very far before he is clipped in the arm by none other than Dream himself.

Okay so maybe he isn't trying to miss.

The masked man lunges at him with enough force to send them both to the ground. Dream pins Wilbur's shoulders down, careful not to catch where his bullet had grazed him, and near enough sits on top of the l’manburg leader.

“Get the fuck off me green man!”

Wilbur tries to wrestle his way out of Dreams hold, but the younger man is heavier than he looks.

“Stay down Wilbur, and keep your voice down.”

“Why so I can let you murder me, yeah thanks but no thanks.”

Wilbur tries once again to force himself out of Dream's grip, but as soon as he thinks he’s making progress, Dream slams him back down into the concrete.

“I’m trying to stop you from getting yourself killed okay!”

“You shot me!”

“I don't know if you've noticed, but that's not exactly fatal.”

“I guess I should be thanking you then should I.”

“You need to get out of here, you and the rest of your men, you all need to leave.”

“And surrender to you and your smp, no fucking way.”

“George has a plan, I don't know what it is but you need to -”

“Oh Dream!”

George drags out his friend's name and it makes both Wilbur and Dreams blood run cold. The masked man lets Wilbur push him away and he rolls over onto the concrete into a standing position. When he looks up from his dusted shoes he sees George holding a loaded pistol to Tommy's head, and for the second time in his life, Dream see’s terror painted across Tommy's face. He can no longer hear gunfire and he listens to distant murmurs of disbelief across the bloodied battlefield. Wilbur makes an attempt to advance forward towards George but Sapnap shoots the leader in the thigh before he can even get a word out. The brunette falls to the ground, a string of curses and threats leaving his mouth as he hits the concrete for the second time today. 

Sapnap doesn't lower his gun.

“It’s time to decide dream.”

George's voice rings in his ears. It's shrill and loud and filled with a determination that makes fear course through Dreams veins.

“Us, or them.”

No

“ His life, or yours!”

No!

“What!”

George presses the gun harder against Tommy's temple and Dream honestly thinks his friends gone mad.

“You, him, ten paces, whoever lives gets the eastside!”

Fuck

“And if I say no.”

“Then I shoot him right here right now.”

Fuck

“It's your decision Dream.”

“Fuck.”

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Both men are stripped of their body armor and given a pistol with a full clip. They look bare without their protective gear and they both look sick to their stomachs about the whole situation. Sapnap has his gun aimed at Tommy at all times, just to keep both sides in check and honestly just to make things just a little bit more  interesting.

“Do you want to do the honors Wilbur.”

George smiles at Wilbur and it makes Fundy want to gag.

“Suck my dick GeorgeNotFound.” Wilbur sneers at the older man and resists the urge to run limp over to him and just sock him right in the mouth.

“Well if you're offering.”

“Shut up, I’ll do your stupid counting.”

Tommy and Dream haven't spoken a word to each other, nobody really understands why, neither do they to be honest, but the silence between the two is suffocating. The two stand back to back, making a forced effort not to touch each other. Wilbur tries to stand in the middle ground, with a good distance between him, and what is about to become the firing range. He can feel blood seething out of his body and he has to lean on a concrete barricade for support. The older man takes a deep breath and steadies himself.

“One, two, three.”

Tommy's hands are shaking. He cant get them to stop. He's going to miss, oh my god he’s going to miss and Dream is going to kill him.

He doesn't want to die, he can't die. 

Calm down tommy.

He doesn't want to die, but he doesn't want to kill Dream either.

Sure he wants l’manburg to have independence, and yeah he wants his friends to feel safe in their home, but he doesn't want dream to die.

He wants to go back in time, to when everything was simple. When he and dream would drive through the night and laugh at random people in the street, when they could talk and argue without the repercussions of violence and destruction. He wants to go back before he even met dream, before he met Wilbur and technoblade and he wants to feel safe again in the arms of the only person who he ever really trusted. The only person he knew he could truly rely on for anything. 

He wants fucking phil. 

He feels like a kid wishing for his foster father like this, but he felt safe with Phil, he felt like his life was normal for once. But he can't go back, he ran away from that life a long time ago, he can't go back to something that isn't there. But he can fight. He can do this, Tommy can do this, he can beat Dream and win freedom for his city. He’s Tommyinnit for Christ sake. 

He has to win, he has to.

#philza minecraft is here bitchessss #we love philza in this household #foster parent phil is amazing #insane george pog #tommyinnit #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #sapnap #wilbur soot #tubbo #tubbo needs to not give wilbur a heart attack #fundy #fundy shot pog #the eret #they're sad in this #technoblade #once again #he is only mentioned #mcyt #dream smp

[spideymarvelws]

🤍Prompt List🖤

MASTERLIST

Fluff

“Are you insane?” “Yes,”

“You know I have a soft spot for your stupid puppy dog eyes,”

“You’re cute,” “I would be concerned if you thought otherwise,”

“I love you,” 

“Love, baby, sweetheart, sweetums,” “Shut up,”

“Don’t worry, I’m not about to propose,”

“I really want to kiss you right now,” 

“I’ve missed you,”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

“We’re going to be late!” “Five more minutes,”

“I’ve never been happier,”

“Please,” “No...yes,”

“Is it okay if i hold you hand?”

“I mean, my shirt is always available,”

“Do you have any pictures of us,”

“Are you sure you want me to answer that?”

“Cuddles? Please?”

“Just kiss me already,”

“You were taking to long,”

“You look beautiful,” “Oh shut up,”

Angst

“So thats it?” “I guess it is,”

“How many times do i have to tell you I’m sorry?” 

“You really think a stupid apology is going to fix this”

“I hate you,”

“I think that might be the nicest thing you’ve said to me,”

“Don’t you dare walk out that door,”

“Or what?” 

“I can’t loose you,”

“This isn’t you,”

“You don’t know me,”

“This isn’t the real me,” “Then show me the real you,”

“This will never work,” 

“How would you know?”

“I can’t go through this again, I won’t go through this again,”

“Please, please don’t go,”

“You promised,”

“Promises are meant to be broken,”

“Stop lying to me!”

“That makes two of us,”

“We’re really fucked up aren’t we?”

“I’m sorry,”

“We were never meant to be,”

“How could you say that?”

“The truth hurts, doesn't it?”

“Now you know how I feel,”

“This was never going to work out,”

“I strongly dislike you,”

“So that’s it?”

“Stop, please, just stop,”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone!”

“This, this is just too much,”

“I’m sorry, but I cant,”

“Do you not trust me?”

“I never thought I’d hate someone as much as I do you,”

“I’m not about to go threw this bullshit again,”

“I can’t live knowing that you won’t love me the same,”

“Don’t do that, don’t give me hope,”

“It’s not about that, it’s about everything,”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, don’t break my heart even more,”

“Avoiding the inevitable isn’t true love, it’s guilt,”

“If you had cared, you would have told me to my face,”

“This is never what i wanted!”

“Out of all the people, I choose you above everyone else. Don’t mess that up with the bullshit your about to say to my face,”

“Stop dragging things on! your making this harder for the both of us, harder than this has to really be,”

“You don’t believe that, do you?”

“Five year! Five years i spent doing this! for what!”

“I did not put my all into this relationship for it to be thrown away like it was nothing,”

“If you plan on leaving, make sure to put the keys on the counter,”

“I chose to trust you, and you broke that,”

“Maybe you should,”

Smut

“Fuck you,” “How hard,”

“This seems like a nice place to have some fun don’t you think?”

“Are you insane?” “Yes,”

“Have my kids,” “Bet,”

“Can I be blunt?” “You’re going to be regardless of what i say,”

“Shut up,” “Make me,”

“Don’t be gentle,” “I wasn’t planning too,”

“Did you just growl?”

“Fuck me,” “Right now?”

“Damn, you really did a number on my huh?”

“You’re mine,”

“Did last night teach you nothing?”

“Oh, you thought we were done?”

“Kinky.” 

“Oh baby, this is just the beginning,”

“Fuck me sideways,” “God damn,”

“Jesus christ,” “Thats not my name right now babygirl,”

“I think it’s time you return the favour, don’t you?”

“Just tell me when you want to stop,” “That won’t be happening anytime soon,”

“I want you to beg,” 

“Fuck, you like that don’t you?”

“You’re gonna be twice as wet in the shower,”

“I’m bored, wanna fuck?”

Dark 

“You’re not going anywhere,”

“But I love you,”

“You will,”

“I don’t care,”

“You don’t understand, you’ll never understand,”

“I guess I’ll just make you,”

“I could change,”

“Everything I do, I do it for you,”

“I’m never letting you go again,”

“You’re mine and I am yours,”

“You’re not leaving me, not again,”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you like this one?”

Random

“Can i dye your hair?” “What?”

“Have you ever gotten waxed?” “No?”

“Try me bitch,” “Don’t test me hoe,”

“I’m not crying, you are,”

“Are you serious?” “Yes,”

“I’ve never been to *insert place*,” “What,”

“Are you calling me a liar?” “Do- do you want me to finish that line?”

“Get out,”

“I want to try something,” “Oh god, please no,”

“bet,” “bet.”

More prompts to be added in the future

#prompt list #fic prompts #fluffy prompts #angsty prompts #smutty prompts #random prompt #fic rec

[willddheartt]

26 Days | Wilbur Soot

30 days to fall in love with someone? Sounds easy right? It would be if that person wasn’t so unbelievably annoying in almost every sense.

You’re not sure how you found yourself in this situation, but you were positive there was no backing out now…

Series Warnings: Mostly fluff and angst, and a very poorly constructed enemies to lovers plot.

Word Count: 2264

Masterlist Series Masterlist

26 Days

God, you hated him so much! You wanted to scream it from the top of a building how much you truly hated Wilbur. But you couldn’t

Lately, no matter what you did or said on stream, he always had a problem with it. You had been streaming Minecraft together, on the SMP. You were just messing around, no lore this time. You suggested you made a house together in L’manburg, no matter what you did, the two of you couldn't agree on a material, you wanted to build it out of birch wood and cobblestone but he insisted on dark oak logs and spruce planks would look better together. You gave up and let him have what he wanted because he was so persistent and you knew had it gone on you would have blown up on him in front of all your viewers, and that’s the last thing you needed right now. 

You were up late, last night, planning out when you were going to meet up, and just a few hours ago the two of you got along perfectly. Laughing over the phone as you were laying in bed, chatting mindlessly. You wondered what happened between then and now.  You and Will planned to meet up in the middle of next week, you were going to drive down to see him and stay at his place. Although you brought up getting a hotel room, Wilbur insisted you stay with him, too tired to resist you agreed, but now you're starting to think maybe getting a hotel room might be for the best. 

You and Wilbur ended your streams at the same time, and you sighed as soon as you were sure it was off. 

“What?” Wil asked, still in the voice chat.  “What was that back there? Why the hell are you so disagreeable?” You let out.  Will scoffed, “Me? You’re the one who kept on insisting birch and cobble when that wouldn't even fit in L’manburg!”  “Jesus Christ,” You sighed, leaning back in your chair and running your hands down your face. “How in the hell are we going to get through this month?”  “Maybe you should stop being so uptight and argumentative.” Wil shot  “Fuck you,” You mumbled before clicking out of the chat and leaving your PC. 

You needed to get out of the house and away from any form of contact you had with Wilbur and social media. You had been cooped up inside your apartment for close to a week at this point, maybe some fresh air would do you good.  You grabbed a jacket and keys before leaving the apartment, leaving your phone charging on your desk. You didn’t want to bring it with you because you didn't even want to think about getting a text or any kind of notification from Wilbur right now, you knew you would have blown up at him completely. 

The weather was just beginning to turn nice, the air was warm but the wind still had a slight winter chill to it, although all the snow was long gone Jack Frost still made his lurking presence known.  Buildings lined the walls of a small square common area where teens mostly hung out after school and on weekends. The square had a fountain in the middle of it, the water had been shut off for the winter but with the warm temperatures from the last month, it had recently been turned back on.  You sat on the ledge of the brick wall around the bottom pool for the fountain, looking at everyone passing through on this nice Wednesday evening. Older couples out for an evening walk, middle-aged business people speed walking their way home from the office, teens scattering the open area, sitting on blankets and laughing in their small groups of friends. You found watching people be interesting, it made you think. 

We are all living our own lives at the same time and most of us on this small planet don't even know of one another, or if you know of them you don't know them, you only know their name. It's weird how that works.  It's astounding to think about though, what are the chances of meeting exactly who you did, at the time you did, and what a gamble it is for them to stick around. 

You had been sitting on the fountain for close to five minutes and when the wind had just started to pick up, sending a slight shiver down your spine.  Your mind was clearer now and you were no longer angry with Wilbur, it was stupid what you fought about and as much as it pained you to admit, he was right.  You were being stubborn and didn’t take into account the surrounding aesthetic of the area. It was your fault that the disagreement broke out in the first place. 

You got home and saw your phone had been basically blown up by notifications from Wilbur, asking if you were really mad at him or if it was for a bit that you took too far, but when you didn't answer he slightly snapped you, asking if you were okay and where you were.  You answered immediately, scared he might have been worrying.

Hey! You typed, Sorry I went for a walk after stream, needed to get out. 

There you are! He responded within seconds, I got worried. 

I’m okay, I left my  phone home, needed a break from the internet and things. You know? 

You mean you needed a break from me? 

You could have sworn, had you been on a video chat with him you would have seen him frowning. You weren't sure what about that message got you, but you found yourself almost with tears in your eyes, you didn't mean to hurt him and you hoped you didn't -what were you talking about. Wilbur didn't mean anything to you, he was just someone you kept in contact with because you were in the same friend group. 

No, you typed, not the whole thing at least. I just needed to clear my head, and i'm sorry for being such a dick on stream, I didn't mean to cause that, and you were right about the blocks. 

You sighed when hitting the send button, never in a million years did you think you would be telling Wilbur, The Wilbur Soot, that he was right about something. I’m sorry. 

Christ Y/N it’s alright, really. Just don't scare me like that again, I was starting to think something bad happened to you. 

I didn't mean to scare you, Wil. 

You found yourself feeling bad about leaving him in the dark while you were out, you didn't mean to worry him, you just didn't want to hurt him by blowing up at him. 

Still call tonight, yeah? He messaged 

You nodded, even though he couldn't see you. Yeah, I'd like that very much. I'll call you before I go to sleep. 

In the time that you had been a fake couple, you and Will had started calling while you were getting ready to fall asleep in bed, you usually ended up falling asleep before he did, the sound of his raspy sleepy voice lulled you to sleep like there was no tomorrow. You'd wake up in the morning to find that Wil left the call going, you thought it was cute. Sure it might have been some highschool relationship stuff but it was cute nonetheless. 

-

“Hello, Y/N” Will said through the phone, his voice sounding tired and soft  “Hi Wil,” You smiled, giggling slightly. Although you had just been on a voice chat with him earlier you loved hearing his voice when he was tired, it sounded like stirring honey into your morning cup of tea, or reading an old book, but specifically an old book that smells of must and age of being stored at the back of your grandparents bookshelf that hadn't been touched in years.  “You sound tired,” you mumbled, laying down with the phone resting on your stomach as you looked up at the ceiling.  “I am,” He hummed, “You don't sound very tired though, did you drink a lot of coffee today?” He asked  ��A little more than usual, but I’ll be fine.” You sighed, your voice almost coming out in a whisper. There was something about talking to Wilbur before going to sleep that made you feel soft and loved, but you couldn't put your finger on exactly what it was. Maybe it was the thought of having someone there, or maybe it was just as simple as it was Wilbur and it was you.  

“Are you excited for next week?” He asked  “Right now it feels too far away to be real,”  “Who’s talking here, is it you you or is it us you?” He asked, unsure if your thoughts were good or bad “Its both,” You said. “It feels so far away to me right now, but so close at the same time and a side of me cant wait for it to get here, so we can finally meet in person. But another side of me feels like it’s good that it feels so far away because maybe something will come up and I wont be able to make it and i don’t want to think that or even say it because thats a terrible thing to say but you know how it is.” You rambled, trying your best to explain it to him in a way that he would fully understand the crossroads your mind is at, and not sound like a dick while doing it. 

Although you couldn’t see it, you could tell he was nodding along. “How about we make a deal, alright?” He started, “In these night chats, we don’t have to put on the face of the characters we play on stream and through out the day, Alright?”  You rolled over to your side, putting an arm under your head and setting your phone on the mattress by your head. “I like that. Deal.”  “Okay now tell me how you really feel about all of this” 

All the thoughts ran though your head a mile a minute, you didn’t know where to start honestly, you had a lot of thoughts but if you really looked at it and narrowed it down most of them talked circles around the same thing just using different words. 

“You promise what ever I say wont hurt you or make you flip out?” You asked  “Swear on Tommy’s life.” You could sense the smirk that tugged at the side of his mouth when he said that. “Okay,” You started with a sigh. “So I din’t really know where I stand on it anymore, at the beginning I thought this was going to be insufferable, but now that we’ve gotten into it for a few days, you’re really not that bad, but I’m still on the fence.”  “I hope come meeting, your opinion has changed a little bit more. But I do understand where you’re coming from. Its weird being able to talk off stream and such with you and not be fighting twenty-four-seven. It’s nice, I feel like I’m getting to know you better.” 

He was right, you had told Wilbur more in the last five days than you had ever in your years of knowing him. You were surprised to find out that he’s actually not as bad as you thought, but you would never tell him that bit. 

“Do you have to put on a character when we do those streams and such, Wilbur?” You asked, 

“I don’t think I do, and if I do it I don’t know what I’m doing it. It’s just something thats easy to do, I’m not sure how to explain it.” He replied “Do you have to when we’re talking like this?”  “No. Not at all, this is 100% me.” 

You’re not sure what part hit you the most, when he said he didn’t have to put on a full character mask when showing your ‘relationship’ to the public, or if this Wilbur, the tired one was the real Wilbur who you've been falling asleep with for the past three nights. You weren’t sure what you though you wanted to hear when asking him that but it definitely wasn't what you go, but maybe it was what you needed. 

The line went dead for a couple of minutes, you had the radio playing softly in the background to help you sleep better, and Wilbur seemed to be enjoying listening to you breathe through the phone.

“Hey Wil,” You yawned  “HM?” He hummed, you could tell he had his eyes closed with the phone by his face, like he did on one of your face time calls the other day.  “I’m soon gonna pass-out,” You whispered  “Thats alright, go to sleep. Get your rest, I’ll be here when you wake up, love.” He was so sweet it almost made your heart hurt.  “Okay” You nodded, but don’t hang up, okay? I like it when you’re here with me when I fall asleep.” 

You struggled to keep your eyelids open, feeling heavy and light all at the same time. You felt so light it was as if you could float away but you were too heavy and weighed down to get up and move, even if you absolutely had to move for whatever reason you don't think you could have. 

“Goodnight Wilbur, love you.” You mumbled into your pillow  “Sweet dreams.” 

#wilbur soot #wilbur soot imagine #tommyinnit #tommyinnit imagine #tubbo #tubbo imagine #ranboo #ranboo imagine #technoblade #technoblade imagine #philza minecraft #philza #quackity #quackity imagine #karl jacobs #karl jacobs imagine #sapnap #sapnap imagine #dreamwastaken #dreamwastaken imagine #georgenotfound #georgenotfound imagine #fundy #fundy imagine

[stupidjewkyle]

request from @im-just-star-dust

cartman x reader

my friend, eric- part 1

TW: abusive parents (mostly verbal abusive, no physical abuse) please don’t read before and after the ‘*’ mark if this is triggering to you. thank you :)

NOTE: this is set in 7th grade, they are all 12 and 13

y/n pov:

my whole life, i’ve been quiet. every school i went to, i was known as “the quiet kid.” growing up, i never had many friends. i mean, how could you even make friends without talking to them. and even if i made a friend, it wouldn’t last long cause of how much i move. my parents work in...a strange business. drug dealers. they’re always scared of getting caught, so we move once every 4-6 months. i hate my life. i hate my parents. i hate not being able to speak up about anything. i never get to have a say in anything that happens in my life. for example, today my parents decided to move again. since we have quite a bit of extra money to use, i asked to move to hawaii, or a nice place like that. they laughed and then handed me a paper with the moving information. 467 cliff drive, south park, CO, USA ‘you have to be fucking kidding me.’ i mumbled. “what’s wrong with south park?” my dad said. “it’s not a very known town, so we would be safe there. we could probably stay there for at least a year and a half.” “now you could finally make friends!” my mom said smiling. i rolled my eyes.

*

“you know what? if you’re gonna be a bitch about it, just go to your room and start packing. i don’t wanna hear anymore shit from you. got it?” my dad said, pulling me by my hair.

i wanted to say something so bad. but i was scared. i turned around and started walking upstairs.

*

1 week later

we were finally here. south park wasn’t as bad as i thought it was gonna be.

i haven’t left my house since we got here. all

the kids in my neighborhood are always outside, i cant risk them seeing me. i don’t want to meet them. i’m too scared to talk. they might think i’m weird. i just can’t risk anything. plus, school starts tomorrow. i don’t want anything to be anymore awkward than it is for me on the first day.

cartman pov:

i woke up early like normal. i got dressed, like normal. i talked to my stupid bitch mom, like normal. i walked to the bus stop, like normal.

“god why is everything so fucking boring all of a sudden?? has it always been like this??” i said while standing next to kyle and kenny.

kyle glanced at cartman. “yes, it’s always been like this fatass. i don’t see a problem with it though. it’s nice to have a routine-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP KYLE. JESUS CHRIST YOURE MAKING IT WORSE.” cartman yelled at kyle.

“you know what? i’m leaving. there’s better and less stupid things to do than school.”

i started walking away from the bus stop. stupid fucking kyle always ruining my day.

i started walking to token’s house.

on the way there, i saw a girl walking down the street. she had y/h/c hair that went down to her elbows (sorry if your hair isn’t that length LMAO). it caught my attention. she was wearing baggy jeans, an oversized tye-dye t-shirt, and a pink un-zipped jacket on top. she looked so pretty and bothered while she walked.

“woah.” i said out loud.

“dude can u move? i need to get to school.” token said standing behind me.

“cant you see i’m busy token? just walk around me.”

“i would if you weren’t so fat!”

y/n pov:

shit! i think those two boys saw me. i need to get to class fast before they say anything to me!

after what felt like hours, i finally got to my class room. i walked up to the teacher and she assigned me to a desk. “go sit next to stan, he’ll tell you about the school.” i nodded my head.

“oh hi you must be the new girl.” stan said, holding his hand out for me to shake. i blushed and didn’t put my hand out. he looked confused. “okay then... meet me after 5th period and i’ll show you around.” he said sitting back down.

cartman pov:

time skip, lunch time

i sat down at my usual table with kenny, kyle, stan, butters, craig, jimmy, and scott malkinson.

“holy shit guys, did you see the new girl?” i said excitedly.

“oh yeah i did. i think her name is y/n? i’m not sure. she’s pretty hot tho.” kyle said taking a bite of his sandwich.

“fuck off kyle, she’s mine!” i yelled.

“woah calm down fatass. she’s not yours. she doesn’t even know who you are.” kyle replied.

“and i’m about to change that...” i said grinning.

y/n pov:

i sat down outside, alone. it’s only the first day, and i already made it weird. why couldn’t i just shake his hand? he’s probably telling everyone i’m an awkward, germaphobe who doesn’t talk.

i sighed and put my face in my arms.

“uh hi. your the new girl right?” a boy said looking down at me, his hands behind his back.

something about him made me feel..safe.

“um yeah... i’m y/n...” i said quietly.

“y/n... i like that name, it’s pretty. i’m eric, but most people call me cartman.” the boy said, sitting down next to me.

“well nice to meet you eric.” i didn’t know what else to say. i wanted to keep talking to him but i had nothing else to say.

“um... are you friends with stan?” i said, hoping we could continue talking.

cartman pov:

goddammit. she likes stan. great.

“oh yeah we’re friends. he uh has a girlfriend though in case you were wondering. i’m sorry.” i said.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?! WHY AM I BEING TO NICE TO HER?! WHY AM I BLUSHING AND SMILING?? AND WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH THAT SHE LIKES STAN??

i didn’t realize what had happened to me until it was too late. i had a crush. this isn’t gonna end well. i swore i would never like anyone again after the whole heidi thing happened. i should just leave and call her a bitch and ignore my feelings. yeah! that’s a great idea!

i stood up.

“well, i have to get ready for class. it was really nice spending lunch with you. maybe we can hang out after school on friday?” i said.

“yea sure! i’d love to.” she said smiling.

GODDAMMIT WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?!

to be continued...

#south park fanfiction #south park fandom #eric cartman #cartman x reader #kyle broflovski #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #south park #heidi turner #wendy testaburger #x reader #fanfiction #part one #mysterion #the coon #coon and friends #south park headcanons

[phonyrams]

There was nothing William hated more than the sound of crying children. (uhhh do keep reading to.. ya know... read the thing :) )

(TW: Kidnapping, Murder, death, emotional abuse (lowkey) , death threats)

There was nothing William hated more than the sound of crying children. When Michael was born, it was almost constant in his ears. The kid just wouldn't shut up. Beth would get up to feed and take care of him every time he awoke in the night and William just refused to help. Now, standing in the doorway of his own home with a small black haired brat in his arms screaming his lungs out, he remembered why he avoided infants so much. 

Beth came into the main hall and walked down to the front room to see where the crying was coming from. It was too young sounding to be Michael and it was 10pm. Where was this coming from?. A feeling of dread and uncertainty fell into her stomach upon seeing a figure in the doorway. The lamp was on, illuminating her husband's face and in his arms… an infant. 

“Jesus christ…. William what the Hell is that?” She spat coldly.

“Oh ‘liza, I know youre stupid but i dont think youre that stupid. It's a baby of course!” he said smiling and holding up the child a bit more for his wife to see.

“But it's not… our kid- whose kid is that?” Beth’s voice gradually became more panicked as she spoke, the panic and dread sitting in more.

William gave out a short laugh. “Well,” he looked down to the screaming, annoying child in his arms and back to the woman in front of him “it's our kid, now!”

“So what- you just adopted a kid? Out of nowhere? William things don't work like that. We have to talk about these things, and there's research and paperwork...” She trailed off. Beth was starting to panic even more. She didnt like that stupid smile spread on her husbands face.

“I guess you could say I adopted him in some way or another.” He waved his hand around in a circular motion, now holding the screaming child in the crook of his arm. The couple stared at each other as the woman narrowed her eyes. The screaming child still loudly echoing his cries throughout the room. If only her stare could kill.

“What the hell did you do.” She said through gritted teeth, still staring straight through him. William simply blinked.

“Well I just… ya know Ii-”

“What. Did. You. DO” She said in the harshest voice she could muster. She knew there was no winning in this situation, there was no outpowering him. She could try her hardest though.

William took a breath and smiled once again, looking down. “I took a kid.” He looked up at his wife as he said it and started laughing. “I took a kid! I beat his parents to death and took their kid! And oh don’t even worry about anyone finding their bodies, i made sure they were well hidden” He said through his laughter. Beth’s stomach dropped. She didn't know whether she was going to be sick, pass out, or lash out at the man before her but she found that she couldn't move a muscle except to slowly bring her hand to cover her mouth. 

She decided to take a step back. And then one more and she placed her other hand in the hallway corridor, never leaving her stare from the laughing man in front of her.

“William what the fuck. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?” She asked, still slowly backing away. 

“This is what we wanted! Another kid right? Because God knows the first one was a fuck up”

“Don’t call him that. This is what you wanted, I never wanted another kid! I cant have one you know this we,” she looked down at her hands, now held below her. “We agreed on this!”

“You’re right! We agreed you shouldn’t have more kids and I never broke that promise, that's why I needed to get one for my own!” he held the still screaming child up a bit more in his arms. “Michael could never run the company, he's a brat, I needed a kid that was a bit better!” He still smiled like this was some sick game.

“I-ill call the police. I'll tell someone, anyone about this.” She looked at him, her breath quickening from the panic. “You can’t get away with this.”

“Oh really? I can’t?” He said feigning a shocked voice before laughing once again. “‘Liza c’mon… you can't believe someone will actually believe you, right? Local celebrity William Afton, a child stealer?” He let out another laugh, this one dark and controlled, not almost hysterical like previously. “I can say how strange you've been acting and make them think you've lost your marbles, then do you think anyone will believe you? I already have a good friend making me his birth certificate, anything that would back up the fact that this kid,” he looked down to the child “is our’s!. Oh sweetheart, I think I already got away with this.”

“Won’t people question where he came from? Why didn't they see me pregnant?”

“Oh I'll just say some excuse obviously, the child isnt yours. I had some woman somewhere else who had the child, you know, blah blah blah.” He waved his hand around again, signaling just how “obvious” his answer is. “And you, the loving mother you are, accepted him into our family with open arms… right sweetheart?” his voice was low and scary.

Beth looked down and considered all her options. She couldnt be here anymore, she couldn't stay with this disgusting excuse for a human being. She couldn’t even look at him anymore.

“I'm leaving. I’m taking Michael and I'm leaving, for good. You can't expect me to stay here, you can't make me.”

“Oh you’re right, I can’t make you stay… i'll just kill you both if you leave!” William said with a smile.

Beth thought she was going to be sick. She had no choice but to stay.

“You’re sick...you’re disgusting.” She spat.

“Oh, honey, you're so kind!”

Beth sat there, thinking for a moment. She was trapped with this man.

“What's his name… what's the childs name?”

“David.”

#phony writes #the phony speaks #HOLY SHIT THIS TOOK SO LONG #pls enjoy #and tell me how i did :) #tw kidnapping #tw death #tw death threats