#so we danes are getting REAL political

[hadassah4ever]

sfw alphabet = greg hirsch/cousin greg

Authors note: reader is decently shorter than Greg in this (under 6’). i want to actually write a full fic but i get like, 3-4 paragraphs in and im like “not enough dialogue arghhh” but whatever. i’ll probably write the nsfw one later.

Warnings: Alcohol mention and that’s basically it.

W.C.: 2.2k

Playlist (if you’d like): my romanticized idea of a real person— https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1UtNchOFEaGUW6puUeVf0q?si=2r9wzpH4Sx2M21v3uV60bw

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He would probably be quite nervous to show physical affection more intimate than a hug for a bit, he doesn’t wanna overstep any boundaries or anything. As soon as he’s comfortable with you? Strap in. He would be kinda awkward showing any affection in public, (we all know what happened when he went too far in public 😭) aside from holding hands or a kiss on the cheek, but in private you would have to pry his hands from you. He really loves physical affection and how close it makes you two, physically and emotionally.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’d be the sweetest best friend ever. You’d probably be acquaintances through work and would end up having to work with each other at some point, you two would get along like a house on fire and you’d be one of the only people who isn’t actively rude to him.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

C’mon. This man loves to cuddle. People typically say he’s the little spoon, but I think you’d switch. He really loves it when you’re the big spoon, I mean, how could he ever say no to having your arms wrapped around him? (That’s rhetorical, he can’t.) I also think he might like to occasionally be the big spoon, though, he’s glad that you don’t make him feel resigned to it, though.

Sometimes you might not even spoon. I think he’d also love it when he puts his head on your chest and sleeps like that. He would melt if you ran your fingers through his hair while laying on you, too.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I generally think he’d like to settle down sometime. However, I don’t think he can do much cooking and cleaning. He’d probably try to cook and clean for events, especially your birthday or valentine’s day. He probably bought a cookbook with a bunch of pretty simple recipes and is improving in the cooking department, but I don’t think he could wash the dishes without breaking a cup, so he probably just politely asks you to do dishes, and probably vacuums or something.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I don’t think he could end a relationship super easily. I feel like he might do it over text, just because he knows that he’d struggle to get the correct words out. I also feel like he’s willing to just resign himself to an unhealthy/unhappy relationship for a bit, just to push off ending it. Just know that if Greg breaks up with you, you REALLY fucked up. 💀

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He’d love to get married! He’s definitely fucking horrified for the proposal, though. He’d probably know pretty quickly in the relationship if he’d like to marry you, but would wait like, 3 years bare minimum to propose. I think he’d probably propose around 4 years. He probably planned it really well, though.

He’d definitely take you to a spot you really enjoy (and could get nice photos in). He’d definitely start crying when you say yes, he’s so grateful you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with him and he swears he’ll never take you for granted.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s a Great Dane in a human suit. He is so incredibly gentle. He never wants to hurt you, he definitely feels lucky to just be in your presence.

This man probably struggled to kiss you properly for the first time, you really wouldn’t find him getting too rough with you. He might find himself underestimating his own strength, though. He would definitely squeeze you a little too tight on occasion.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He’d hug you 24/7 if it was possible. Unfortunately it isn’t.

He definitely has bear hugs when it comes to you, though. If he’s VERY excited and happy he definitely would pick you up, sorry, I don’t make the rules. (He probably did after you said yes to his proposal.)

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

You would have to say it first, but Jesus Christ, this man was thinking it for a very long time. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he loved you. He’d basically cut you off in the middle of saying it, he’s just so eager.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Slightly jealous. I think it would take a lot to actually have him act on it, though. He trusts you with literally everything he has, and although he’s quite insecure about himself, he knows you love him, and that’s all the reassurance he needs.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Inexperienced at first, but he’s a quick learner. Had a few high school relationships, but nothing major or super long term, so he’s not super experienced. He loves little cheek, nose or forehead kisses, though.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He loves children, and children love him. He’s just the gentlest, especially around babies. He can be a bit nervous to interact with ones he just met, but any young kids in his family definitely love him so much. (Mostly because they like to get up on his shoulders, but he barely trusts himself to let them get up there.)

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He’s super groggy like every morning and begs you to just stay in bed slightly longer, and it’s really a coin flip if you say yes or no. He’s genuinely eternally grateful if you make breakfast, especially if you make it a routine. Mornings with him are quiet, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He probably likes to have discussions with you about literally anything that comes to mind while you’re both cuddling and are beginning to fall asleep. He loves it when he hears a sleepy laugh from you and your words start to come slower, he finds you especially cute when you’re on the edge between awake and asleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He probably doesn’t want to scare you off by complaining about day-to-day things, nonetheless his childhood and whatnot. Get him a solid 2-3 drinks in, though, and you’re going to know basically everything about his life.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

I mean, he’s Greg. You could bludgeon him with your own two hands and his last words would be thanking you.

Once he feels more comfortable about opening up to you, I think he opens up to you about how disrespected he is at work, and you’ll hear a decent amount of his anger, he definitely apologises for talking to you while angry. You have to reassure him that you’re glad he feels safe enough to rant about things like that to you, and how it’s better than keeping his emotions bottled up.

So yeah, he doesn’t like showing you his angry side.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

I think he’s one of those people that stores those tiny details about you in his brain and surprises you with the small things you like. How you enjoy your coffee, your favourite chip flavour, favourite colours, favourite animals, favourite literally anything.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

He has too many, but after your second date he was too scared to kiss you, you two were in the stairwell of your apartment and you saw him looking down at you with those eyes that were practically begging you to kiss him. You moved up two steps on the stairs to reach him and kissed him. He was just completely amazed by you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He thinks that being too protective of you is weird, you’re not a little unassuming object that people are trying to steal from him. You’re a grown adult. I do think that if someone was actively harassing you though, he might surprise himself and punch them. He probably has more strength than he knows, and it really shows in that moment.

He would literally fall for you so much harder if you stood up for him at work, you’re literally risking your job just to make sure he doesn’t feel like crap?? Oh my god??? He’s getting lightheaded. (Anyone who you stood up to probably just laughs it off, though. You’re just a lowly employee.)

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

His thoughtfulness really comes in here, you mentioned you specifically liked one restaurant to a coworker while he was in the room? He’s mentally making a reservation. He loves to give you little gifts (and as his paycheque increases they continually get more expensive). All in all, he really tries, and he loves making an effort for you!

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He’s really clingy and depends on you for his happiness and confidence a lot of the time, meaning you’ll have to take on his emotions a lot of the time.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s lowkey felt insecure about his looks since high school. He’s not super concerned about his looks, he got his haircut to feel someone touch his head, not to look nice.

I also think he thinks you’re the most attractive person on earth whether or not you put effort in. He could see you walk out the room with a fever, blanket wrapped around your shoulders, in a kinda gross hoodie and sweatpants and makeup smudged all over your face and still be like “awww, they’re the cutest. 🥰🥰”.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes. End of sentence.

Kinda going back to letter U, but yeah. He knows he should be able to stand by himself emotionally, but he doesn’t really know if he can. (He probably begged literally everyone higher up for either you, or him to switch desks so he can be beside you all day.)

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

The first time he realised he loved you, he stuck by your side like glue the rest of the day, he was stuck imagining what the rest of your lives would be like together. (In an endearing way.)

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

To be honest, I don’t really think there is much. He’s quite accepting of your flaws, even glaring ones. He’s just glad you’re dating him.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He probably had insomnia before he met you, he was so embarrassed about his sleep schedule and never told anyone the truth about how much he slept, and now he has a semi-decent one with you. He really can’t sleep well without you, though. Any family trip? You’re coming along, because he really doesn’t wanna function on 3 hours of sleep again.

(guys i love our loser boyfriend)

#greg hirsch x reader #cousin greg x reader #succession x reader #greg hirsch #cousin greg

[ravencromwell]

Current Shades Of Magic question haunting me: was Maxim Maresh working a deal with the Danes to make something comparable to an Inheritor for Rhy? (And by "working", I mean: he thought he was being real savvy while the Danes lied through their teeth for years and kept the credulous arnesian king on a fish-hook while they figured out how to rip a hole through time and space.)We know Tieren flatly refused to help him make one, and that Makt is highly skilled in binding magic. And Maxim's entire White London dynamic, especially in Darker Shade, never made a bit of fucking sense to me. Take, as exhibit 1: "Holland delivered a letter yesterday," explained the king. "But couldn't stay to collect the response. I told him I would send it back with you. Kell frowned. "All is well, I hope," he said carefully. He rarely knew the contents of the royal messages he carried, but he could usually glean the tone—the correspondences with Grey London had devolved to mere formality, the cities having little in common, while the dialogue with White was constant and involved and left a furrow in the king's brow." In scrupulous fairness, Schwab does give us an explanation for the involved nature of the letters, saying that the Red Crown was haunted by its decision to seal the doors between Red and White; that they wanted to provide magical advice as a kind of recompense and reparations. But we're also provided a very plausible explanation for how Vitari helps Lila move through the worlds, which gets very undermined by Lila as Antari. And living in the midst of the most nakedly imperial power of our modern age, I'm incredulous at best and scoffingly dubious at worst. With some very! rare exceptions, large, prosperous countries give small struggling ones shit either to look good, or because they want something out of the exchange.

Was it being _haunted that made Maxim Maresh send twelve-year-old Kell into the middle of a very violent country? Or was it _knowing by that time that Rhy most likely wouldn't be manifesting any magic. Kell says to Vortalis that this will be the beginning of "re-opening relations". Which makes sense, seeing as Antari are a dying breed, and Arnes hasn't had one for a while and Makt for even longer. It's not Maxim's bad parenting in sending Kell to White so young that has my antennae raising, but the bad diplomacy. Maxim's Kell flaw, after all, is that he sees him more as a political and propaganda tool than a person. And he's letting him go to Makt at twelve? When Kell could die, and a large reason Faro and Vesk are in line right then is because they believe Kell is integral to Arnes strength. I don't believe Maxim Maresh, who had the political cool to immediately think of how Faro and Vesk would react and demand secrecy about Rhy's near-death in Conjuring while everyone else is in knots of grief and he must be pushing down his own feelings with herculean effort decided to resume communications to salve his conscience. It just doesn't fit with the rest of who he is as king.

But, as several people wonder when Tieren chastises Maxim over the Inheritor: what wouldn't a father do for his son? Put his other son in jeopardy, if he thought he could make an attractive enough offer to get a (probably) ruthless king of a ruthless people to make him something? It would certainly line up with what he does throughout the series.

Finally: Maxim is adamant that "The Danes will pay" before he learns they're dead. Except seriously? How, Maxim? You planning to send the Antari who they already used as a pawn back as a one man army? Because no one else is going through.

Maxim Maresh, for all his faults, is too good a soldier to send Kell into that battle. So, either he's just blowing off steam and the threat has no teeth, or the threat has vicious teeth. Because the Crown has been sending the Danes advice: maybe instructions on relatively—to Arnesian thinking—small elemental magics like minor water redirection that have become integral to Makt's irrigation under the Danes, or something else entirely. There are a million little ways the Crown could've been helping; the question is _why. Why, in Darker, did Maxim, a a busy man, concoct a thick response within a day and send his best weapon into a violent place _after _dark when it could have waited till morning. Feels to me like a man hurriedly running after something the Danes are always "close to finishing" and that he wants, very, very much.

#I mean. I understand that the Doylist reason is: we need Kell in WL so the Danes plot can happen #but Watsonian me is just like: nuh-uh. Maxim Maresh. who won't even let Kell travel! to a foreign elements game *ever* even though they're #the biggest symbol of inter-empire cooperation. is not sending Kell to White for *morals* #adsom #shades of magic #Maxim Maresh #White London #A Darker Shade of Magic

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

really happy I'm not American. your country sucks more dicks than a kicked-out teenager forced to do prostitution to survive. also, you guys are so fucking fat and prude while we Danes and Swedes have nude beaches with children are allowed and you literally have to search to see fatties.

This seems like one of your first attempts at trolling, so I'm gonna be nice and give you some helpful tips.

Don't try to be witty. "your country sucks more dicks than a kicked-out teenager forced to do prostitution to survive" is much too long and comes off as you desperately trying to imitate the kind of quippy dialogue you saw in a Joss Whedon or Quinten Tarantino movie. If you really want to get somebody mad, stick to the basics. "Your country sucks" gets the point across clearly and has a much higher chance of provoking an emotional response.

You need a tighter focus on the specific thing I'm supposed to get mad at. In your ask, you mention two American stereotypes, that we're all fat, and that we're all prudes. Two stereotypes is probably the limit you can fit into one troll ask without seeming like you're just throwing things at the wall to see what sticks, but I'd still recommend sticking to one.

Don't give your target the ammo they need to drag your ass in your troll attempt. Right after you get into the fat and prude stereotypes, you mention your country has nude beaches with children as a positive, and right there I have at least three different ways I can turn this back around on you. And that's without going for the low hanging fruit and just calling you a pedo. Which brings me to

Don't troll on main. I know you think you're being brave by not going anon, but really you're just giving your target the opportunity to amplify your mistakes. Just a quick glance through your blog shows that you probably hang around at least a few people who are very judgmental and unforgiving of mistakes. Also that you like Hackers, which is a point in your favor. Your post style indicates you write with emotion and then send, instead of taking a moment to reread what you wrote and see if it will give the impact you're looking for. I've seen this lead to many unforced errors from people on social media. Usually in the form of a slur or seven, or suicide bait, or similar things. All of these things are, of course, expected from anons, but you might not like what happens if you slip up with your actual account. Callout posts and ostracizing from friends or mutuals who want to get back at you for some real or imagined slighty may just be the tip of that iceberg. If nothing else, it makes it much easier for some nefarious individual to mass report your blog and get it taken down when you troll openly. And finally,

Put some effort in. I know I already mentioned low hanging fruit, but I never explained why avoiding it is beneficial. Chances are, anyone outside your own age group (assuming the 1995 in your blog name is your birth year, which if it is, probably not the best thing to share online with how easy doxxing is these days) has been around long enough to get a few troll asks in their day. Especially if they're right wing political blogs. The "Americans are fat and prudish" stereotypes are old and played out. We don't particularly care what a bunch of Europeans who can't even handle mild summer weather think about our eating or bedroom habits. Hell, on the right, you're more likely to find people who take prude as a compliment. If you really want to bother us, you should pounce on the issues of the day. Take the dumbest possible position on a political issue and then earnestly act like it's what you truly believe. As a European, this should come naturally. It's your best shot at actually getting us mad. Though, we are pretty used to European lefties showing their whole ass when trying to comment on American politics, so your mileage may vary on that one. (Oh, a "mile" is a unit of distance measurement. Sort of like a kilometer, but bigger and better.)

I really do hope this helped. Good luck on your next trolling attempt!

[mariacallous]

When I was 12, I was hooked on James Bond, both Ian Fleming's elegantly pulpy novels and the cartoonish movies they spawned. One day, my friend's older brother, who went to Harvard, tossed a paperback onto my lap and said, "Here's the real thing, kid."

The book was The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, the 1963 thriller by John le Carre. I opened it expecting a racier version of what I found in 007 — you know, Asian thugs with steel-rimmed bowlers, gorgeous women as sweetly pliable as taffy. What I got was a dankly bitter tale of betrayal ending at the Berlin Wall. I hated it. It was just too sophisticated for the adolescent me.

You see, le Carre wasn't merely a better writer than Fleming, but a reaction against him. Where 007 fought amusingly acronymed groups like SPECTRE, le Carre conjured a Cold War hall of mirrors in which spy craft wasn't about knife fights and hot sex, but about gambits and machinations in which it was hard to tell the good guys from the bad.

His masterpiece was 1974's Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy — not merely the greatest spy novel ever written, but the source of a 1979 BBC adaptation that's the greatest spy show ever made. In anticipation of a new film version that's coming out in a few weeks — the story, you see, is irresistible — the series has just been re-released on DVD, along with its sequel, Smiley's People. Watching again, I found it every bit as gripping as the first three times I watched it.

The great Alec Guinness stars as George Smiley, an honorable spy chief who's been ousted after a shakeup in British intelligence — known as The Circus. But once it becomes clear that there's a mole, or double agent, high up in The Circus, Smiley is brought back to catch him. He does this in the old school, pre-Google way, by sifting through papers and questioning anyone who might be involved, all in a style that's unsettlingly calm.

Bluntness isn't Smiley's thing. He's like the world's greatest poker player, all quiet observation, laconic dialogue and unreadable reactions. As played by Guinness, a master of the ambiguous smile, Smiley exudes a melancholy kindness that may not be kind, and a knowledge of human frailty that's profound — yet not profound enough to keep his own wife from cheating on him.

When le Carre first became famous, he was celebrated for being so realistic. Yet his fictional world is actually every bit as mythological as Fleming's. It's just subtler. In fact, Tinker, Tailor offers the seductive fantasy of entering a secret world, one imagined with alluring richness. We breathe a conspiratorial mental atmosphere in which Every Single Word might be important. And we encounter an oh-so-proper bureaucracy in which the deadliest snakes aren't the Soviets, but the colleagues slithering around your office. Here, even the most devout patriot will be sacrificed by his own side in the great chess game of Cold War politics.

Like millions of others, I can't get enough of this stuff, but for a while it all but vanished. You see, le Carre's brand of espionage tale was rooted in the Cold War, which offered the neatness of two opposed sides facing off. When communism collapsed, so did the contemporary spy novel. The West lacked a clearly defined enemy.

Happily for spy stories, though not for the world, it has one again in radical Islam. And almost predictably, we've begun seeing le Carre-tinged espionage stories — like Showtime's current series Homeland, in which Claire Danes plays a CIA agent who doesn't quite trust anyone, not even her own bosses, and PBS's Page Eight, starring the wonderful British actor Bill Nighy as a canny old spy who stumbles upon volatile knowledge he'd sooner not know.

I can recommend both. Yet truthfully, neither can rival Tinker, Tailor, an almost perfect fantasy for those of us less thrilled by shootouts or chases on jet-skis than by the exposure of what lies hidden. In fact, what makes le Carre's spy stories so primally gripping is that, at bottom, they're not actually about espionage. They're about secrets and lies and shifting identities — which is to say, they're a metaphor for our own daily lives. Except, of course, that Smiley's story is really, really exciting.

[parkpavilion]

Intimate Lives

Philosophers have been posing the big question for as long as anyone can remember: What Makes Life Worth Living? But the more pertinent question for booksellers is of relatively recent vintage: What Makes Life Worth Reading? I don’t know who first asked that one, but I know who gave the first good answer.  John Aubrey was born in Wiltshire, England in 1626, and from an early age took an interest in the world around him, especially those portions of it that even then were ancient and disappearing. No detail was too petty to escape his attention. He listened to old wives’ tales, sketched ruined abbeys, and made systematic studies of, among other monuments, Stonehenge and the still larger stone circle at Avebury. He was one of the first moderns to recognize that these weren’t built by Romans or Danes, but by ancestral British peoples; today some call him the first English archaeologist.  He also had an avid interest in the newest developments in natural philosophy, becoming one of the first to experiment with the transfusion of blood and befriending such scientific luminaries as Robert Hooke and Robert Boyle. Political theorist Thomas Hobbes, author of Leviathan, was another notable in Aubrey’s circle, as were Isaac Newton, John Locke, Christopher Wren, and many others. In comparison to these, Aubrey had little significance in his time, serving a supportive, peripheral role in the lives of better-known men. He said of himself, “I perform the function of a whetstone, which can make the iron sharp though is itself unable to cut.” Few of the projects he undertook on his own behalf were ever finished.  Partly, this was because his interests were so varied and his attention so divided. No matter what intellectual edifice he was constructing, a shiny, unrelated pebble would appear in the corner of his eye, one that had to be collected before it was lost. He spent a great deal of time gathering baskets full of building material, but not much in stacking it up. He also spared a fair amount of time to spend in society; he once lamented, “How much work I would get done if I did not sit up with Mr. Wylde until one or two in the morning, or if there was someone to get me up in the mornings with a good scourge!” Still more detrimental to his productivity were the frequent financial and occasional romantic reversals he experienced. He was born on an idyllic estate that was lost to creditors, eventually relying on generous friends to provide him hospitality, and he remained a bachelor all his life, suffering unrequited love and at least one acrimonious broken engagement. Throughout all of this he beavered on, storing up arcane knowledge and trivia in the hope that posterity would care more about it than his contemporaries did. Since I am writing at such length about a man dead more than three hundred years, you are correct to assume that Aubrey’s trust was not misplaced. By the end of his full life (he died in 1697) he’d assembled and organized a sizable collection of notes on the contemporaries he knew and on the immediate predecessors they’d known. His Brief Lives were filled with details both incidental (poet John Suckling invented cribbage between verses) and, in his time, shocking. Describing one knight of the realm, Aubrey wrote, ”Drunkenness he much exclaimed against, but wenching he allowed.” His manuscripts may have been titillating at the time, but they were never scurrilous. Their author conducted interviews, checked the records, and told the truth as best he found it—all of it. His methods defied the then-prevailing hagiographic trend, but his Lives outlasted his era, circulating ever more widely and providing us with much of what we know about the men and women of the 16th and 17th century. A major accomplishment, to be sure, but his real legacy is as the inventor of a literary art form—the biography. He provided the model for all the work that’s done today to give us full, true, affecting portraits of actual human beings, not plaster saints. A full, true, affecting portrait is exactly what Ruth Scurr has painted in John Aubrey, My Own Life. Few biographies do the excellent job this one does of capturing daily life in a bygone age, and even fewer leave their readers with such a strong sense of knowing their subjects. By the time the last page is turned, Aubrey has come to seem a friend rather than a historical curiosity. Who could help wanting to spend time with a man with this much perspicacity and good humor?:

I think it is strange that magnifying glasses were so long unknown about in this world. Any good fellow at a tavern cannot escape noticing how much the threads of linen cloth are magnified by a glass (of sack or white wine) that has a stem and a hemispherical or conical bottom to it. At least, so it seems to me, when I stare into the bottom of my glass in a tavern and think about what I can see.

Scurr achieves her effect of intimacy through an approach to biography nearly as innovative as Aubrey’s. She takes his words from scattered letters, notebooks, and documents and weaves them into a coherent, chronological diary in his own voice. In so doing, she satisfies all the requirements of scholarship and adds a storyteller’s flair. I can’t imagine a Life better written or more worth reading.

[askaphdk]

Today, on June 5th, Denmark celebrates Grundlovsdag, or the Danish Constitution Day! This day marks the anniversary of the first Danish constitution (Grundlov) being signed in 1849. It’s also the same day the current Constitution was signed in 1953. It’s about the closest thing we have to a national day, and it’s usually seen as a celebration of Danish democracy, with political rallies and meetings being held around the country. 

Happy “birthday”, Denmark!

#aph #hetalia #aph denmark #grundlovsdag #bonus fact for the epic gamers who read the tags #this year the day coincides with the elections for our parliament #so we danes are getting REAL political #and mun is eagerly awaiting the results #it's quite late to say this but remember to vote!!! #non ask

[thiswasinevitableid]

62. you set off the fire alarm and I have a test tomorrow, and I might strangle you

Sternclay, sfw, please!

Why do fire alarms only go off in March? The one time Stern set one off (he fell asleep studying and the dinner he was reheating started smoking) it was in that endless stretch of time where the snow is no longer festive but will keep falling for at least two more months.

More importantly, who is responsible for interrupting his carefully planned out six hours of sleep before his midterm at eight this morning?

He stands in the freezing cold with the building’s other three occupants; the single man who looks like he stars in lumberjack porn and the girlfriends who live on the ground floor.

“Sorry” The other man mumbles, “I was making doughnuts and the oil I was using got too hot without me noticing.”

Stern runs a hand through his hair and keeps his voice low, “Why were you cooking with hot oil at three in the morning?”

“When I can’t sleep, I bake.”

“Can I suggest a less flammable hobby in the future?”

“Hey man, it was an accident. And it’s not my fault they stuck the fire alarm too high up for me to get to it before it called the fire department.”

“Too high? You’re taller than I am and I can reach mine.”

“My ceilings are higher and it was tucked between the cabinets and the roof.”

“Oh yeah, ours is in a super-weird place too.” Aubrey, one of the ground-floor neighbors, pats the offenders arm, “it’s okay Barclay, it’s just a little smoke.”

“That may be the case for you three, but I have an exam that’s worth thirty percent of my grade in six hours and I need my goddamn sleep.”

“Yeesh, man, chill out. They’re already waving us back in.” Aubrey points to the door of the three story house.

“I timed everything to optimize my sleep schedule so it actually is a big deal.”

Barclay glowers at him, “Look, I said sorry. But maybe get used to the fact the world doesn’t run on your schedule, mr. control freak, and fucking get over it.”

Stern keeps a smile flat as he bites out, “go to hell” and heads upstairs to salvage what’s left of his schedule.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The crash from downstairs comes at nine p.m; he has a huge day at his internship tomorrow, but Stern doesn’t hear any sounds after it, and he is not about to let a neighbor die on his watch.

“Barclay? Are you okay?” He puts his ear to the door, the heater drowning out all ambient noise.

“Nope, not really, agh, fuck, the doors locked, lemme try to stand-”

“Stay put.” He runs upstairs, grabs his wallet, and uses his debit card to trick the lock, “Shit, what happened?”

Barclay is clutching his forehead, blood between his fingers, and his ankle is swelling. “I got really dizzy, caught my foot on the couch and then my forehead on the table on the way down. Ow, fuck, it better not be broken” he growls as Stern kneels to look at his foot, “I’ve got a shift in six hours.”

“I can’t tell. You should get to a hospital; if it’s injured and you try to work on it, you might have an even worse fall.”

“Fuck, I’m not even sure I can afford the ambulance, let alone the fucking E.R.”

He knows Dani and Aubrey are out, “Any family in town, or a boyfriend?”

“No, if there I woulda called them.” He snaps, then tries for a slow inhale, “sorry, it just, it hurts-”

“I can take you in my car, that’ll be one less worry.” Stern helps Barclay up, gets him to his sedan, then tells him to hold tight while he gets something for his head. He ends up grabbing the first clean fabris he finds, which is how Barclay ends up in the E.R while holding a “Roswell, NM” tank-top to his forehead.

“Sorry to ruin your, uh, souvenir?” He mumbles as they wait for the doctor.

“It’s for a good cause. Besides, I know how to get bloodstains out of fabric.”

“That...that makes you sound like a serial killer.”

“If I were a serial killer I would wear things that could stain.” Stern winces, “sorry, I read too many true crime books.”

“I just don’t have the stomach for them. I like fictional mysteries but real ones?” he shivers, “makes me think an axe murderer is gonna break into my place. I mean, you did it with a credit card.”

“If you’d had the chain thrown it might have been another story. “

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Barclay shifts in the plastic seat, “you, uh, you don’t have to hang around. Know you got a rigid schedule.”

Joseph runs a hand through his hair, “I’m sorry for being so annoyed last week when you set off the alarm. I’m not always great at handling changes.”

“To be fair, doughnuts probably weren’t the best stress baking choice.”

“Did they turn out?”

“Nah. I’ll have to try ‘em another time. Did, uh, did your test go okay?”

“Yes. I, um, I got a perfect score.”

Barclay laughs, the sound like warm honey, and Stern blushes at looking so deeply nerdy in front of someone with a smile like that.

“Mr. Cobb? We’re ready to see you.”

The bearded man gives an slightly awkward wave as he follows the nurse through the double doors. Stern returns the gesture, pulls up the chess app on his phone, and settles in to wait until his neighbor is done.

-------------------------------------

Barclay comes out his nap the scrchh of a brush on tile. His first thought is that he’s so late for work he’s unavoidably fucked. His second one is who the fuck is in his bathroom?

His ankle twinges, jogging his memory; he got back from the hospital at 11:30, no stitches needed on his head but bedrest required for his ankle. He’d been contemplating how to convince his manager to let him shift from the warehouse to somewhere he could sit. Joseph raised an eyebrow and asked for his phone while telling him to go get into bed. All Barclay overheard was a polite, steely voice mentioning the labor laws in Dane County and how it’d be a shame if someone were to arrange an OSHA spot check. The last thing he recalls before falling asleep was Joseph telling him he had the next day off.

That doesn’t explain the cleaning sounds, though.

“Oh, you’re up.” Joseph pokes his head in from the hall. His hair is coming loose from his usual slicked-down style and he’s in a V-neck and sweatpants instead of the suit Barclay sees him in most days, “I hope I didn’t wake you; since you gave me the spare key I thought I’d check on you when I got back from my internship and leave you some take-out from the Thai place around the corner--you said the green curry was your favorite--but then I thought I should wait until you got up to see if you needed anything, so I, um, I cleaned your tub while I waited for you to wake up.”

Barclay isn’t sure what part of that is the most baffling. Or the most touching.

“Why the tub?” He eases his legs over so he’s sitting on the edge of the bed.

“It’s satisfying. And I, um, I clean when I’m stressed.” He wipes his hands on the rag in his front pocket, “I was worried about you, and my internship was murder today. They’re mounting a case against one of the biggest employers in the state and everyone’s on edge.”

“Heh, kinda makes me glad I work at WalMart.” Barclay takes the crutch Joseph offers him and hobbles into the kitchen, “oh, uh, if you want to try some cake, there’s leftover cinnamon spice cake in the fridge.”

“I think I will, thank you.” He bends into the fridge and wow has his ass always been that nice, “can I grab you a drink from in here?”

“One of those pre-bottled Kahlua things in the door; have ‘em for a friend but one sounds good right now.” He watches Joseph open it for him, setting it down before he pulls out Barclay’s chair for him. Normally, the kind of fussing and light ordering around Joseph has directed at him makes him bristle. This last day, it just made him feel safe and cared about.

He could get used to this.

----------------------

“Good lord, we’ve even got a flood warning.” Joseph sets down his phone as rain attempts to pummel the house to dust, “Some days I wish we lived closer to one of the lakes but this is not one of them. Should we check to see if Dani and Aubrey need any emergency supplies for if we have to shelter here? I always keep more than I need.”

“Nah, Dani’s got a strong self-sufficiency streak; got her a bucket emergency kit for Christmas last year.” Barclay pops the cork on the Pinot Grigio they got for dinner, “and I don’t think they forgot your semi-drunk promise that if they ever had to run from a flood they had full permission to break open your front door to be safe on the third floor.”

“I meant it, drunk or no.” Joseph takes down the plates and portions out the carbonara; he’s been trying to cook when he has time, both because he likes it and because it gives him and Barclay something to talk about. Not that they need the help.

Things changed after the trip to the E.R; Barclay would bring Joseph fresh cookies or pie. Joseph would offer Barclay rides when their schedules overlapped. Barclay introduced him to his favorite trivia night spot. Joseph took some of his cookies to a worker-owned bakery where a former co-student worked, which led to Barclay getting a new job.

Now they see each other almost every day, whether that’s watching movies on Barclay’s cramped couch or joining Dani and Aubrey for board game night.

He’s pleased with how the pasta turned out, even more so with the fact that when their legs bump together beneath the table, Barclay doesn’t pull away.

They’re on the couch, chatting about the recurring themes in ghost movies, when the storm starts in earnest. The sky is so dark it may as well be nine at night, the lighting and thunder performing a cacophonous two-man show across it. The closer the thunder gets, the more Barclay tenses.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah” a thunderclap makes him jump, “I know it’s silly but I fucking hate thunderstorms, I have since I was a kid.” He chuckles, “my mom would always end up making a pillow fort for me to hide in.”

“We could do that now.” He offers, tapping his foot against Barclay’s own.

“Know this might be hard to believe, but I wasn’t always six-two.” The other man teases.

“Don’t count me out just yet. Wait here.”

It takes some precarity and most of his thumb-tacks, but soon he’s waving Barclay to come join him.

“Holy shit” Barclay laughs as he sees the bed and part of the floor in Joseph’s tiny bedroom are curtained in blankets, “do you ever half-ass stuff?”

“No one can ever prove I haven’t.”

“Uh huh.” Barclay climbs into the fort, “that’s Joseph speak for ‘no.’”

Joseph plugs in his UFO lights and follows him in, “I’ve failed plenty of times.”

“Not on this. Man, this is gr-” A thunderclap makes him jump, nearly knocking one blanket down, “uh, maybe if I…” He lays on the bed, Joseph deciding it’s the least awkward option to join him in that position.

“You really didn’t have to do this.” The green of the lights add a charming tint to Barclay’s eyes.

“I wanted to.”

His friend looks away, keeps his gaze on his feet as he murmurs, “How come you’re always so nice to me?”

“Because we’re friends.”

“It’s, uh, it’s not because you want something from me?”

“Of course not. Barclay,” he touches the cooks arm, “anything you’re thinking is a favor with an ulterior motive....well, it isn’t. It’s something I did to look out for you.”

“What if I, uh, I didn’t think it was favor hunting and was, uh, a different word that started with “F’?”

This time, when the thunder sounds, Barclay nestles closer to him.

“Oh, Barclay” he drapes a protective arm over his waists, “I didn’t mean it to be. At least, most of the time. There were, um, sometimes when I was more flirtatious than I’d have been if it were anybody else.”

“Do you...want to flirt more?” Barclay mumbles into his shoulder.

Joseph tips Barclay’s chin with his hand, brings their lips together as lightning flashes through the window. When he pulls back, Barclay’s eyes are wide. He kisses him once more just to see if he can make them entirely pupil, then whispers, “I hope we can do more than just flirt.”

“Joseph” strong arms slip below and across him, “fuck, babe, if it’s not flooded tomorrow, promise you’ll let me take you out tomorrow?”

“I’d like nothing better, big guy. In the meantime..” he rolls so Barclay is atop him, “I have some thoughts on how to keep your mind off the storm.”

#sternclay #agent stern/ barclay #meet ugly #taz amnesty

[ratingtheframe]

I Care A Lot, Malcolm & Marie, Capone, The Life Ahead and the News of the World: Everything I watched in February.

Newsflash ! The cinemas still aren’t open and I’m starting to lose hope in them ever opening. Despite the UK government drawing a step by step guide into lifting the UK out of lockdown (like its flat pack furniture and not a critical pandemic) with cinemas due to open in April, I wouldn’t hold my breath seeing as our own human biology and its resistance is the actual measure of when it is safe to go out and about, not what our government says. So until everyone is vaccinated and has sustained the first few months of vaccination symptom free, I’m having to sift through Netflix and Amazon for something to watch, like I’m looking through a charity shop sale; without much luck. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for these streaming services, I (my dad) pay for them for Christ’s sakes and I know that one day I’ll be eating my words when I’m offered a Netflix deal that I (in a Vito Corleone voice) “cannot refuse”. However, unlike some of the creators on Netflix, I’ll make the most of this opportunity and be incredibly anal about what I want to make, even if it kills me. 

I feel like so many people are given the license to make whatever they want for Netflix and then I look at the trophy wall of Emmys that HBO has garnered over the years and consider their quality writers and casts. I would say most recently, shows like The Crown, Sex Education, Top Boy and Bridgerton are Netflix’s exceptions currently, being both of quality and giving us something we actually want to watch. And guess what all these shows have in common?! Not only are all the casts largely British but all productions of these shows are British too. The British quality of TV programmes for streaming services in the US is a win win for all; Americans get to watch our good quality TV and we get Golden Globes. Most notably, The Crown did exceptionally (as it always does) at this year’s Golden Globes, further proving the show's excellence despite controversy. I thoroughly praise Netflix's resistance to label the show “fiction” and the lengths it took in making the show as authentically as possible, despite the criticism. The awards speak for themselves and the Crown has scooped up several this year so far. 

To conclude, I want the cinemas to open just as much as anyone, but I’m happy to comply with the stay-at-home-and-watch-Netflix-rule for now. For now...Here’s everything I watched this February.

Annihilation (2018) as seen on Netflix

Netflix’s Annihilation starring Natalie Portman, Jennifer Jason Lee, Gina Rodriguez, Tessa Thompson and Oscar Issac was a multitude of things that were difficult to comprehend. This is not me saying this is a bad film, in fact its me saying the complete opposite as the complexity drew a tangible beauty to the film from beginning to end. I reeeaaalllyyy liked the beginning and how the first scene sucked you into the crazy and fanatical story that later unfolded. Natalie Portman as always was wonderful in this role, playing a biologist who enters another world in search of her husband, who’s gone missing on a similar expedition to hers. Like with most sci fi films, it was difficult to gather the meaning of such a film, however this lack of meaning didn’t draw away from the story or how it was portrayed, in slow and enigmatic shots that told the story with a natural pace. If you’ve seen / liked Ex Machina (2014), Annihilation has the same director and I would thoroughly recommend you watch this too as the way Alex Garland merges sci fi with horror is incredibly seamless.

Score: 10/10

Eastern Promises (2007)  as seen on Amazon Prime 

This film starring Naomi Watts, Viggo Mortensen and Vincent Cassel was incredibly dark and gritty. Even though I’m not Russian, I found Mortensen and Cassel’s Russian personas to be rather good for a Dane and a Frenchman. Their on screen chemistry was also really good and its make me wonder why I haven’t seen a film with these two in it before. The story follows Anna (Naomi Watts) a nurse and her hunt for the true identity and life of a baby that was born to a 14 year old girl. Nikolai and Kirill (Mortensen and Cassel) are Russian gangsters living in London and set about covering up this obscene scandal and getting rid of the product of it, a baby girl belonging to the condemned and now deceased child. It's a difficult plot to wrap your head around and like I said, it's incredibly dark. Actor and director David Cronenberg (A History of Violence 2005) directed this film and helped Viggo Mortensen with a nomination for Best Actor at the 2008 Academy Awards. 

Score: 8/10

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) as seen on Netflix

So remember how I said I was DESPERATE for films this month...I watched Fifty Shades of Grey with zero expectations and I can say definitively that it was worse than I thought. It's a true miracle that both Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan still have careers 6 years after such a film was released and I personally wouldn’t rush to cast either acting in my film after seeing this. Harsh, I know but reputation is everything and when you sign onto something that instead of highlighting your acting abilities, highlights your body parts, what am I supposed to think... I’m all for body confidence and what not, but I feel like most of this film sort of abuses sexuality and sexual expressions. The fact is, the BDSM part of this film wasn’t even that bad, it was the characters that pissed me off the most and their LACK of character in fact. They were orchestrated in such a flat way and the only time where either one of them found any character was through the sex itself and the discussion of it, especially Anastasia’s character. The most profound and irritating thing about this film is that Anastasia’s life seemed to only have meaning when she met the so called handsome, charming, wonderful, drop dead gorgeous Christian Grey. What does that teach us about women people? I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, sexualising women in film and media shouldn’t be the only reason for them to be there. And the entirety of Fifty Shades of Grey is built upon that fact. Even though the novel was written by a woman, it definitely missed the point in giving us a strong female character who could both be into sex and taken seriously at the same time. Seems like a really hard thing to do in cinema as filmmakers either go for the over-hyped sexualised prostitute, the caring mother or the nun. Like female professionals have never had sex in their lives… think again. I like to wonder what it would’ve been like had it been Ms Grey and Christian as her submissive. Not only would that mix up the character dynamic and go against gender confirmation, it’d actually be interesting. But maybe I should just write that story altogether...To conclude, the characters in this film were flat and the entirety of the film hyped up sex and the act of it way too much. It's like making a film about walking or breathing. 

Score: 1/10

Malcolm & Marie (2021) as seen on Netflix

Malcolm & Marie received a lot of attention in the media and sadly not for the right reasons. In fact, what’s so childish about the backlash is that hardly any of it had to do with the filmmaking techniques Sam Levinson (Euphoria’s creator) used or the story he wrote. More of it had to do with Levinson’s controversial ideas about how the media likes to view and prod film like a goldfish in a bowl, acting ostentatiously towards the art and appearing woke as opposed to just seeing film for how it is. I gather many film critic’s egos were bruised when Levinson used the lead character, Malcolm (John David Washington) as a butcher to film critics. He says things like “I’m choosing to make a film that’s fundamentally political, but not everything I do is political because I’m Black” in reference to the ignorance of some film critics who stamp politics onto any black directed film, attempting to brand the films with their own understanding of the film as opposed to its real message and story. Malcolm spends the majority of the night loathing a fictional “white LA reporter” and betting on her exact words for his own film, about an African American woman trying to get off drugs. What he says is funny, so funny it's true. White reporters DO do this and instead of embracing Levinson’s satricalism, the real LA white reporters of our media got overly offended and used the “lack of story” card as a backdrop to fuel their distaste at being called out. Had they known Levinson’s intentions with this film, they wouldn’t have reviewed it all together as I’m sure Levinson knew what he was getting himself into when mentioning the annoying “white LA reporter” and making the stereotype central to the lead's frustrations towards the industry. Levinson also graciously mentions that even though Malcolm has such hatred towards the critics, he is their fuel and by making his so-called “art” he only joins them in the argument . Levinson made his bed when he made the film and I think he’s sleeping rather comfortably. No one even bothered to praise both Zendaya’s and Washington’s performances, which were phenomenal considering the circumstances and the added pressure of having to carry a whole story in one room using only each other to fulfil that story. The cinematography was ambitious and overall, it was a simple yet well executed story. What are y’all complaining about? 

Let's put egos aside and focus on the actual film for once, rather than how its perceived the articulation of your opinions towards it. 

Score: 10/10

Coming to America (1988) as seen on Amazon Prime

At this moment I truly was becoming a slave to streaming services. I wasn’t particularly leaping at the opportunity to watch this film, however I chose to watch it as I heard that Eddie Murphy was releasing a sequel this year. As someone who doesn’t like comedy, I found this rather funny in places but it's hard to laugh at the black stereotypes portrayed in such a film even when those stereotypes were perpetuated by a black person. There was also a lot of misogyny, something else that I don’t call comedy but just misogyny. I found it hard overlook these moments and kinda saw this element as the downfall to the film which detracted from any of the other comedic moments.

Score: 5/10

Do the Right Thing (1989) as seen on Amazon Prime

One of Spike Lee’s earlier films, Do The Right Thing is a film I’ve been dying to watch for quite some time. The film is like a fascinating book, with chapters on each of the plights of living in Brooklyn in the 1980s. Though it takes one character’s perspective, there are a multitude of other stories that can be found in this film, with them interlinking seamlessly and coming together at the end. This isn’t a film about race but rather one about anger and its potential to divide people, especially when things become heated and fingers are pointed. It covered a variety of perspectives which I like, almost like an episodic series where each episode is different and takes on a different character. This structure added variety to the film and allowed it to cover a multitude of topics in a small space of time. The structure of this film was only successful because its characters, who were funny, three dimensional and above all, had something to say. Director and writer Spike Lee played Mookie, the lead, a pizza delivery man and quite the f**k up on the streets of Brooklyn, using his mouth more than his actions to get by in life. I really liked the balance of moments of comedy and severity which had me laughing in places and immediately stopping afterwards. Well written and I commend Spike Lee for having written, directed and starred in the same film.

Score: 10/10

The Life Ahead (2020) as seen on Netflix

As an actress, Sophia Loren is one of my all time favourites. On seeing films such as A Special Day (1977) Two Women (1960) Marriage, Italian Style (1964), I began to appreciate the work of Sophia Loren and notice how much of an icon she still is today. Having picked up several awards over an expansive 71 YEAR career, she has been honoured many a time by the Golden Globes and Oscars as one of the finest actresses of all time. Her presence on screen is inspiring and she’s been often referred to as the Italian Marilyn Monroe for her beauty inside and out. Here at the age of 86, she plays a Holocaust survivor and foster mother who cares for a troubled boy in The Life Ahead. Loren’s character, Madame Rosa, eventually saving him from a miserable life thieving and selling drugs on the streets of Italian. Loren’s son, Edoardo Ponti directed this film for Netflix and was generous enough to give us Sophia Loren’s presence on screen once more by casting her in the film as the lead.

Score: 9/10

Gold (2016) as seen on Amazon Prime

I found Gold to be one of those talky, talky films that starts at the end and ends at the end (if that makes sense) which in my opinion isn’t the most courageous structure one could use, but is common in biopics. It either starts on the protagonist’s death bed or at the point where the police have just caught them and for Gold it was the latter. The appearance of women in this film was second to none and that’s not me saying the director should’ve added female characters for good measure or token but why make a film that only appeals to one demographic, despite the intensity of the story...film is universal after all and if a film appeals to one certain group then what’s the point of releasing it? This doesn’t detract from Matthew McConaughey’s performance though as a “prospector” looking for gold in Indonesia. Even saying this, the character was very typical of him and it didn’t truly stretch his ability as an actor, not like Dallas Buyer’s Club (2013), Killer Joe (2011) or Interstellar (2014) did. To sum up Gold into one word it’d be “meh”.

Score: 7/10

Creed (2015) as seen on Amazon Prime

This was one of the most surprising films of the month. I’m not crazy about the Rocky films nor see myself watching all of them anytime soon, but Creed appealed as a more modern take on the hit franchise. Michael B Jordan plays Adonis Creed, son of Apollo Creed, a champion boxer who died during a fight before Adonis was born. After being adopted by Apollo’s wife, Adonis Creed sets out to follow his father’s footsteps by becoming a champion heavyweight boxer himself, much to his maternal mother’s displeasure and his coach’s the one and only Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone). The story is similar to that of Rocky and if anything, is a complete revival, using the son of one of Rocky’s former fighter as a backdrop to tell the story. Director Ryan Coogler (Black Panther 2018, Fruitvale Station 2013 ) brought this story to life and a courageous performance out of Michael B. Jordan. Not only was I fascinated by boxing by the end of the film, but just the whole idea of Adonis Creed, a fighter and not a quitter who thoroughly believes in pursuing your goals until they are obtained. Not only is this film for boxing fans but for those who share that same universal message and refuse to give into their own inhibitions to achieve great things. We should look to athletes more often in this respect and consider the pursuit of our own desires as boxing matches and marathon races more often as it helps put our fight into perspective and teaches us never to give in. 

Score: 11/10

Arrival (2016) as seen on DVD

Before anyone comes for me for not having seen Arrival, before I was a movie buff I had briefly come across the film several times but had never taken the time to sit it out and watch it from beginning to end. I’m glad I did as Denis Villeneuve is one of my favourite directors evah and along with Christopher Nolan, I consider him as the King of Sci Fi. Every single one of his films is incroyable (as the french say) and it's a mystery why he hasn’t been handed an Oscar yet. Arrival is this slow and beautiful story of a linguistics teacher (Amy Adams) who agrees to help on a mission to communicate with extraterrestrial life forms that have landed on planet earth in the form of twelve huge spaceships. Structure isn’t something we typically consider when watching a film, but it plays such an important part in Arrival for time and the manipulation of it is the main theme of this film. Essentially, the language in which Dr. Banks translates from the intelligent life form gives its readers the ability to see into the future, which is when we come to realize that she’ll have a child, who will die of an unnamed disease. Despite this fact, she decides to live the life fate intended for her. The reason why Arrival is a highly credible film is because of the coverage it has as a film in terms of what it's trying to say as a film. From someone who finds it hard to bring out the emotion of a screenplay, Arrival is a great example to me as a film that combines both a cinematic feeling and a strong emotional presence throughout the film. It doesn’t abandon emotions or relationships just because the film is about aliens, but instead embraces them into the story and intertwines them with the aliens who’ve come to planet earth. At the end of the day, we can have explosions, spaceships and aliens galore, but if we’re unable to connect with characters on an emotional level then the film becomes boring. Arrival is far from boring and may bring a tear or two to your eye by the end.

Score: 11/10

The News of the World (2020) as seen on Netflix

I feel like it's impossible to hate a film with Tom Hanks in it and The News of the World definitely fits into that.  Five years after the US Civil War, Cpt. Jefferson Kyle Kidd (Tom Hanks) spends his days travelling around the US ‘reading the news’ to anyone who’s willing to listen. The majority of the US was illiterate in the 19th Century, meaning it was up to people like Jefferson to inform others of the ongoings in the world by reading them the paper. It’s a wondrous thing to think about, how information was once spread throughout the world in such an archaic format. Jefferson did this off his own back, not asking for much and finding fulfilment in the reactions to the news that he “broadcasted” to them. Whilst on his travels, Jefferson comes across a young girl (Golden Globe nominee Helena Zengal) who’s negro family had been killed by lynchers. The girl was originally from a Native American tribe but had been separated by them, leaving her to fend for herself. When Jefferson comes across her, he’s reluctant to take her in at first but decides to take her to some relatives across the country. It’s definitely the role you expect of Tom Hanks and his heart warming nature is captured for us in this film for Netflix.

Score: 9/10

The Mask (1994) as seen on Netflix

It's hard for me to label The Mask as a good film as that would mean shaking off the horrendous amount of misogyny it has and the lack of diversity within its characters. Films mean different things for people, but ultimately most of them reflect an element of humanity and explore it on screen with originality and authenticity. Cameron Diaz’s character was only there to fulfil the sexual appetites of the men around her, which is something I loathe in female characters. Originality The Mask has, authenticity, not so much. That's probably the reason why I hate comedies so much, most of them are written by men and are about men so it can get quite boring to watch at times. I liked the idea of The Mask but it definitely could’ve been executed in a less misogynistic way. 

Score: 5/10

Jackie (2016) as seen on Amazon Prime

One word; perfection. This film was hands down one of the most beautiful, genuine and honest films I’ve seen in my entire life. It had me reminiscing Todd Haynes’ Carol (2015) in a number of ways, from the similar filmmaking techniques to the slow and melancholy atmosphere that was being created on screen. The AMAZING Natalie Portman plays Jackie Kennedy, wife of John F. Kennedy who was brutally assassinated on a visit to Dallas, Texas in 1963. The fact that I didn’t even KNOW that his poor wife was in the car with him at the point of the assassination is shocking. On watching the film, I learnt Jackie was a remarkable, brave and intelligent woman who after her husband's death put so much into preserving her husband’s legacy despite his lack of popularity. The way the film is shot and the music by the brilliant Mica Levi (Under the Skin 2013 , Monos 2019) just ties everything together into a enigmatic and wonderful film. Natalie Portman was nominated for Best Actress at the 2017 Academy Awards and rightly so. This film has further proven my thoughts on her as one of the greatest actresses of our time. I seriously cannot EXPRESS how much I love this film, directed by Chilean director Pablo Larraín, who’s also made another film that I can’t get enough of Ema, which was released 2 years ago.

Score: 12/10

Foxcatcher (2014) as seen on BBC iPlayer

When we first think of Steve Carell, our minds probably drift to his most notable performance as Michael Scott from The Office or even Gru in Despicable Me. It's rare for a so called “comedy” actor to find his way into films with a more dramatic substance and over the last few years, this is what Carell has been showing us on screen, with this role in Foxcatcher and more recently, in Felix van Groeningen’s Beautiful Boy (2018). Foxcatcher is the true story of a wrestler offered the opportunity to train with a private wrestling team owned by a huge chemical corporation. Channing Tatum plays Mark Schultz, a quiet and reserved wrestler who trains alongside his brother David (Mark Ruffalo), also a champion wrestler. What's sad to see in this twisted story is how validated Mark feels once the powerful and wealthy John Du Pont (Steve Carrell) begins to take an interest in him and takes him under his wing. This relationship drives a wedge between Mark and his brother David, but much to John’s displeasure, it doesn’t last long. This is definitely a story of power and how people can react in bad ways when they are owed too much of it. Every performance in this was astounding and the slow and subtle telling of the story was truly beautiful to watch. Foxcatcher is a film I’ve been dying to watch for some time and it DID NOT disappoint. Period. The film was also nominated for five Oscars back in 2015, including Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor. 

Score: 11/10

In Fabric (2018) as seen on BBC iPlayer

Based on the current reviews of In Fabric, I deem the film a poncy experimental spectacle. Not only did it not say much, but what it was trying to say was rather disturbing and quite frankly bizarre. However, it's not a film I can necessarily hate on as it is experimental, meaning from the get go, I shouldn’t be expecting any sort of clear cut narrative, with relationships, protagonists, conflict or hierarchies. Experimental films are more about exploring a central idea and having all its “characters'' not essentially prove the idea, but just talk about it, like a debate but everyone agrees in the end. A debate where everyone agrees would be boring, which is why I find experimental films to be boring as most of the time they don’t have a meaning and sadly as humans, we’re obsessed with finding the meaning of things or else we’ll go crazy. And I would say this film definitely left me crazy at the end, proving the idea of man’s constant need to find meanings in things. In Fabric wasn’t really relatable, funny, clever or bold. It kinda just...was.

Score: 5/10

Delicatessen (1991) as seen on DVD

I love how the world likes to think that the American film market is the only film market when in actuality the French created the actual concept of cinema and the idea to project “movies” onto a large screen. With this has come a plethora of incredible movies from France that have gone onto to change the film industry forever. There’s a reason why the most prestigious and exclusive film festival in the entire world is held in the South of France and not LA. Jean-Pierre Jeunet is the auteur behind Amélie (2001) one of the most well known independent films ever to be made and before Amélie came Delicatessen. This film is Tim Burton meets Wes Anderson but in French and tells the story of a man working for a butcher and the crazy characters he meets in the same apartment as him. By the end it's clear that The Butcher is selling more than pork and beef down in his store and that the new tenant is due to be the next item on sale. I loved how weird and larger than life the characters were and the otherworldly set design used for this film. There were so many moments that are quite hard to explain the beauty of them and if you’ve seen Wes Anderson or Tim Burton’s work, you’ll notice the similarities between this film and their work, perhaps showing a french influence on the current American market.

Score: 10/10

Amélie (2001) as seen on DVD

Continuing on with the French theme, I was reminded this month of the beauty of Amélie. Every, single, shot in this film is pure perfection and I bet all my money that Wes Anderson was a mega fan of this film when it came out. It's truly a film like none other and it’s only this time around did I realise how much I RELATE to Amélie. The way she sacrifices herself for others and gets nothing in return, the lengths she goes to tell someone something instead of JUST SAYING IT, her lack of friends, I can definitively say that there isn’t a character on screen that I’ve related to more than Amélie (besides Elio from cmbyn). If you haven’t seen Amélie have a word with yourself.

Score: 11/10

Pan’s Labyrinth (2006) as seen on Amazon Prime

Pan’s Labyrinth was a surprisingly amazing film and I wonder why I hadn’t seen it sooner. I was astounded to see it was in Spanish which I thought made the story somehow better. It's rare that we see such high budget and well known film that’s in a foreign language but I’m glad this film got the noise it did when it was released. Guillermo del Toro (The Shape of Water 2017) tells us the story of 10 year old Ofelia and her discovery of magical creatures in the woods that inhabit the outskirts of her new home. Not only that but it’s 1944. The Spanish Civil War has been over for five years but small groups of guerrilla rebels continue to fight against the new fascist dictatorship led by Francisco Franco. This is a well structured film that shows two strong worlds and combines them in a satisfying way, which isn’t an easy thing as sometimes films can get lost in the facts of history instead of the emotions and dynamic relationships. The set design in this was UNREAL as always and I really felt for the characters and their given circumstances. And that’s what we call a film.

Score: 11/10

I Care A Lot (2021) as seen on Amazon Prime 

For a full review of I Care A Lot, follow the link: https://ratingtheframe.tumblr.com/post/643763403606867968/a-strong-performance-from-rosamund-pike-that-we

Score: 8/10

Interview with a Vampire (1994) as seen on BBC iPlayer

We were doing SO WELL until I made the costly decision to watch this waffle of a film, directed by Neil Jordan. Not only was the story all over the place, but the dialogue itself was incredibly on the nose and self explanatory throughout. It feels like there was more talking about the film instead of showing the film, which just made me switch off from early on in the film. I hated the casting of Tom Cruise in this and there were moments when I believed his character, but none of them outweighed the overarched and over bearing performance he was attempting to give. Brad Pitt was marginally better but the performance of Kirsten Dunst who was 12 years old at the time this film was released, outdid both actors. She was the only character that I truly felt for / cared about and her on screen presence was both enviable and wise beyond her years. Personally, I can’t explain what this film was even about because I truly didn’t get what was going on, however if you’re a fan of Kirsten Dunst’s work, this would be a suitable film to watch in that respect. 

Score: 4/10

Fargo (1996) as seen on Amazon Prime

Fargo is probably most known as a Netflix series, but before that, it was originally a film directed by the Coen Brothers and starred the likes of Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi, William H Macy and John Carroll Lynch. I’ve been meaning to watch Fargo for quite some time and I was not disappointed with the outcome of it. It's one of those good old fashioned crime films, with lots of twists and blood split throughout the film. The film won two Oscars in 1997; one for Best Actress which was handed to Frances McDormand playing a police officer investigating a string of murders in Minnesota and another for Best Original Screenplay. A really well constructed story with a fantastic cast and great cinematography work from Roger Deakins (1917 (2020), Blade Runner 2049 (2017) The Shawshank Redemption (1994). 

Score: 10/10

The Darjeeling Limited (2007) as seen on Amazon Prime

The Darjeeling Limited further proves to us Wes Anderson’s ability to create entire new worlds and show us stories that take place all across the world. Three brothers, Peter (Adrien Brody), Jack (Jason Schwartzman) and Francis (Owen Wilson) have travelled to India in an attempt to bond with one another “spiritually” after the death of their father. Peter and Jack aren’t too keen on this little expedition, irritated at their brothers' intrusiveness over the trip. The majority of the film is set on this fanatical train travelling across India and yet again, we are blessed with some phenomenal production design to tell us a fun and uplifting story. What’s more is that the boys’ mother (Anjelica Huston) lives in India as a nun at the foot of the Himalayas. This becomes the real reason for their venture and such a thing changes the character dynamics between the three men. India is shown in all its beauty in this film using the backdrop of three men’s relationship with one another as a story.

Score: 9/10

The Life Aquatic of Steve Zissou (2004) as seen on DVD

Another one of Wes Anderson’s lesser known films but equally as good as the rest, this film follows a group of marine explorers travelling across the pacific to try and kill a shark that supposedly ate a member of Steve Zissou (Bill Murray) ’s crew. With an all star cast composed of Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Cate Blanchett, Jeff Goldblum and Anjelica Huston this film was entertaining, enlightening and cinematographically ambitious. Steve Zissou is a fictional character who makes a living off of extreme and dangerous marine explorations. He makes films of his travels using his crew and after screening his latest film, he meets a young man (Owen Wilson) claiming to be his son. Evidently, Zissou is reluctant to accept that this man is his son and uses his presence as financial gain to the project. I appreciated all performances in this film and the set design (as always with Anderson’s films) was exceptional.

Score: 9/10

Life of Pi (2012) as seen on Amazon Prime

A highly visual and emotional film that carries beauty throughout in both performance and story, Life of Pi was directed by Brokeback Mountain (2005)’s Ang Lee and tells the story of Pi (Suraj Sharma and Irrfan Khan) a young boy alone in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with a fully grown Bengal Tiger. Winner of 4 Academy Awards including Best Director at the 2013 Academy Awards, this film does a phenomenal job of reminding us why cinema is such a superior and infinite art form. Pi’s family are on their way from India to America, exporting a large number of their zoo animals in hope of selling them once they reach the other side of the world. After a horrendous storm ravages their cargo ship, Pi is left all alone in the ocean with what only appears to be a small dingy, but to his horror, he comes to find that the zoo’s tiger Richard Parker is keeping him company in the middle of the ocean. Now if that ain’t a viable story, then I don’t know what is. To make a film look like it was set in the middle of a Pacific and with a Bengal Tiger is no small feat. Suraj Sharma’s performance was both truthful and powerful, despite the film being mostly shot in a studio with nothing but animation for Richard Parker. This is one of very few films that does the original novel justice. 

Score: 11/10

Capone (2021) as seen on Netflix

Yikes. Capone has not been getting a lot of love in the media since its release on Netflix on 24th February. Personally, it's not the most god awful, offensive film I’ve seen and yet I wouldn’t have been the one to have made such a film either. The film is supposed to depict the last year of the infamous and notorious Al Capone, who suffered from numerous illnesses at only the age of 48. Tom Hardy plays the blood thirsty gangster and I have to say, this was a thoughtless casting choice. Hardy doesn’t have an ounce of Italian in his face and he put on this larger than life caricature of an accent that had me feeling rather sorry for him at moments when I shouldn’t have been. The acting was exceptional, but believable and interesting? That’s another argument altogether. Cinematography and sound wise, I thought the film was excellent in those respects but again, those should be additions to the integral story of a film. I get why Hardy signed up though, what actor wouldn’t want to play a mob boss? Maybe the point of Al’s life in which this film was built upon was perhaps wrong for the screen and I’m sure most would have preferred Hardy to play Capone at his peak. This film is a clear example of people getting ahead of themselves when they first explore an idea for a film. This film could have easily been saved in the development stage had someone said let’s not do this.

Score: 5/10

Creed II (2018) as seen on Amazon Prime

Obviously a prequel will always outdo a sequel, however I found Creed II to be just as meaningful as the first film. Maybe even more so as Adonis Creed (Michael B Jordan) is becoming a father his responsibilities have shifted dramatically. He’s also desperate to fight Viktor Drago, a Ukrainian ruthless boxer whose father accidentally killed Creed’s father in a match decades before. Drago is tough, beyond what he and his coach Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) could ever imagine and because of this, it drives a wedge between Adonis’ relationship with his coach. Creed thinks Rocky doesn’t believe he can beat Drago but Rocky insists not fighting the bull of a boxer would benefit him greatly, after all, look what happened to his father. The character dynamics have shifted in this sequel, but the structure has remained largely the same. We kind of knew what we were being served at the end and the change in character was there for everyone.

Score: 10/10

...and that’s it! Everything I watched this February, you do not want to KNOW how long this list took to compile. Thanks for reading and see you next month!

ig: @ratingtheframe

#Movie Reviews #new movies #movies #natalie portman #sci fi films #alex garland #netflix original #Netflix movies #netflix #fifty shades trilogy #malcolm & marie #zendaya #john david washington #sam levinson #euphoria #coming to america #do the right thing #spike lee #the life ahead #sophia loren #matthew maconaughey #creed #michael b jordan #arrival #denis villeneuve #the news of the world #tom hanks #the mask #jim carrey #cameron diaz

[brujahinaskirt]

@missn11​ says:

Ask and ye shall receive, fellow neonate! <3 Bear with me, because I’m about to hammer out 2000 words very quickly...

This massive rant by its topic nature is sort of Nines-critical, so lemme start by saying that, in my own way, I love Rodriguez. (I was partially self-burning in the shitpost that ignited this rant because I SEVERELY exaggerated Nines’s canonical shadiness levels in my ancient fanfiction, and for no other reason than because I was a teenage edgelord. I am appropriately embarrassed, but only by my excess and melodrama, not by Troika’s characterization. I think the writing behind VTMB’s Nines is superb.)

When it comes to Bloodlines, I think he’s one of the most psychologically interesting profiles in the game. In fact, I could never get into LA by Night because they so de-toothed Troika’s vision of him. Not to say LA by Night’s Nines was a poorly-developed character in his own right, ‘cause he wasn’t at all, but “my” Nines will always be unapologetically and only Troika’s: boiling angry, viciously pragmatic, a survivor who doesn’t let anyone too close lest they see through him, whose over-the-top confident façade cracks a little more every time his back’s against the wall. Troika’s Nines is the epitome of greater VTM’s “fallen rebel” archetype, and even though we don’t get to see it on all playthoughs, that makes it even better and more believable.

But as with all characterization in Bloodlines, we have to read between the lines and between our own play styles a bit to piece the truth of the puzzle together...

Besides the direct evidence Troika gives us—i.e. the music cues, which are a bit overbearing if I’m honest (sorry, Troika! ilu); the absence of Nines in Rosa’s prophecy re: people you can trust; and the overt warnings Camarilla-aligned characters give us about him—the biggest red flag about Rodriguez, imo? It’s twofold:

the way the characters he surrounds himself with talk about him and the type of vampire he chooses to fill his den. Namely: Nines exclusively recruits angry, spurned, mistreated people who are younger and far less experienced than he is

those messy, ugly, fleeting moments where you see his toughguy everyman personality crack

So! Starting with point one:

THE PERSONALITY CULT ITSELF

We can’t deny that Nines does not surround himself with peers. He surrounds himself with followers—people who don’t challenge him in any way, who are fanatically loyal, who openly profess their worship of him and their conviction he could never/would never do anything wrong. If you listen to how Damsel and Skelter talk about him, it’s with frightening adulation, often repeating Nines’s lines word-for-word without truly understanding the argumentation behind them. (Damsel’s the main offender here with her “IT’S A PYRAMID SCHEME… it just makes sense, you know? It just makes sense!” And then, of course, she gets pissed and refuses to speak to you when you push her into elaborating.)

Nines has clearly made himself much more than just a friend-figure or a Sire-figure to them. He’s utterly and completely mythologized by the LA Anarchs, held up next to other politically mythologized names like George Washington and Ho Chi Minh. His followers love him… but there’s a pecking order, and like good body shields, they believe their lives don’t matter as much as he matters. And they love that, too. They want to die for Nines. They’re not just willing to or resigned to it; they’re eager to die. Damsel will volunteer this information the first time you meet her. She just can’t wait to prove herself by taking a bullet for goddamn Nines Rodriguez. It’s literally how she introduces herself to new people.

And yet Nines deliberately withholds his attention and time from his followers. He uses his attention as a reward, as incentive. He rations some care and reassurance and help—makes you feel good and gives you reason to crave his attention—and then he pushes you away, back into his adoring ranks until the next “two minutes” you earn from him in which you’re special enough for such an exceptional, important, cool guy to talk to. That’s a classic manipulation tactic, and a classic personality cult tell.

And Troika is so damn fuckin’ brilliant about it because they don’t stop at showing us that an Anarch-aligned fledgling might feel this way—no, they make the PLAYER also feel this way. On our first playthrough of Bloodlines, we’re desperate to talk to Nines. We want the reward. “Let me finish the plaguebearer quests… let me run to the Elizabeth Dane… I hope Nines talks to me again now! Quick, to the Last Round! Maybe if I say the right thing to make him like me, he’ll give me another free EXPERIENCE POINT!” (iirc he’s one of two characters who will do so, and the only one who gives multiple points.)

But at the end of the day, Nines is indisputably the leader of the Anarchs, and even fledgling figures that out. (“Sounds like you’re the Prince of the Anarchs.”) He’s very much the Baron of Downtown LA, even if he won’t use that language. As for the grating day-to-day management and leadership stuff that might make him somewhat unpopular among the Anarchs, though? He fobs all that stuff off on Damsel!

Damsel, his Minion No. 1—whom a lot of players will hate on their early playthroughs, because she assigns tough missions with little to no reward. Damsel, who has no real power role in the Anarchs and functions only to serve Nines. You help Damsel, and you do Nines’s work—i.e. you do the work of the Barony of LA—and he doesn’t even have to take the admiration hit by having to ask you himself.

There’s only one non-follower of note around Nines. It’s Jack, and by his own words, he’s not one of Nines’s people; he disparages them, in fact. And we’ll notice that Jack—who is stronger, older, and wiser than Nines—very much doesn’t talk about Nines the same way Nines’s followers do. While Jack doesn’t directly insult him and occasionally defends him, Jack also has a downright shocking response to the announcement of the Blood Hunt. When fledgling desperately asks what they can do to help Nines—Jack says, word-for-word: I could give a damn.

Something ain’t quite right about this place.

Moving right along:

NINES IS A FAKE ALPHA MALE WHO KNOWS HE’S GOING TO DIE

Part of why Nines is so attractive to someone scared and weak like our fledgling (or Skelter or Damsel) is that he seems utterly fucking untouchable—like nothing scares him, and that must be reassuring when two of your age-old enemies are moving into town. But Nines’s tough, cool, Devil-may-care persona outs itself as a protective shell, too… and this is another thing I think Troika handled so subtly and so well.

You’ll notice that even Nines’s voice is dramatically different in a couple different situations: when Ming Xiao is borrowing his body, when he’s afraid, and when he’s distracted or deeply disturbed. (A successful Malkavian mind read will really slam a crack in his coolguy persona. For a second, the nonchalance shatters and he childishly screams SHUT UP!)

But whether you Malk him or not: In those isolated moments, the Coolguy Nines Rodriguez we normally see frays. Physically, even! His accent loses its burr (that ballsy rural American everyman accent), shoots up to a higher register—and reveals a much softer voice than the one he uses in front of other people. No wonder; part of Nines’s charisma comes from his performance of masculine confidence, and even if it’s not a toxically patriarchal masculinity in the way we often picture it, the fact this performance cracks at all shows it’s not his genuine self. He’s acting. In the way a lot of toughguy men do—but for Nines, whose survival depends upon attraction now, he’s acting toughguy for his very life.

I think those little fray-under-pressure moments are the “real” Nines, or as close as we’re going to get: scared, desperate, worn-down, and very aware of his doom.

Now, all that said…

BLATANT FALLEN REBEL CONCEPT APOLOGISM

I don’t think we can quite throw Rodriguez into the same Mean Monster Morality Dungeon for Evil Vampires as other Big Bads in LA. This is where motivation comes into play, at least for me. We know Nines can be merciless and violent, and he doesn’t hesitate to sacrifice his own soldiers (namely, um, US!) to protect his holdings. But he does seem to have a twinge of genuine anger over injustices wrought upon “little people” (look no further than Nocturne)—one that seems like it stems from a sense of right v. wrong rather than sheer pragmatism. This stands in stark opposition to the rationed pacificism of characters like LaCroix, who simply doesn’t want the headache of cleaning up a pile of dead humans on his nightly to-do list.

Nines also, of course, just doesn’t have the same kind of disaster reach other Bloodlines Big Bads do in how much harm he can cause. When LaCroix gets up to some bullshit, he crashes the national economy. Nines, like, crashes a car into a corporate office window or takes over a street or something. Can’t really compare the two when it comes to the scale of damage done.

And even Nines Rodriguez is, for all his strategy, still an honestly angry person. Not all of him is fake—what’s troubling about him is what he’s willing to sacrifice and do to satiate his anger-passion. It’s the standard Brujah emotional-moral struggle. Even though I agree with much of what he says about bloodsucking late capitalist vampires (tbh he seems to hate vampires in general!), one wonders if it’s not partially the anger-passion that’s warped him into the façade of a noble leader he’s become. It’s not a pure anger anymore; he’s weaponized it in selfish, unhealthy, destructive ways.

But if he’s a fallen rebel—and since he is still apparently capable of some genuine anger and sadness—then we can infer he wasn’t always like this. He fell, and narratively, that’s key to understanding Clan Brujah. Maybe he fell in a way all of us angry rebel-types risk falling if we let our hatred of the bloodsuckers in real life outgrow and consume our care for the real-world little people.

I think we also have to appreciate that—as far as we know—the shady shit Nines does, he primarily does to prolong his power. But for a threatened Anarch like Nines, power doesn’t mean expansion or accumulation as it might for an ascending Ventrue; it primarily means survival. The Camarilla and Kuei-jin incursions into LA have numbered his days, and he can’t possibly have any delusions about this, no matter how much he swaggers. So he does what he can do with the skills and limited resources he has. He corrupts vulnerable, angry, abused people by giving them the appearance of friendship, family, and hope they can become stronger—much like effective gang leaders do.

If he’s morally nastier than other power-players like LaCroix in some way, imo, it’s here. It’s the intimacy with which he manipulates the people around him. LaCroix may lie to you; Strauss may withhold information from you; Ming Xiao may double-cross you. But none of them ask that you love them. That’s not their goal; that’s not how they operate. None of them expect or encourage anyone to happily die for them of their own free will. If they get you killed, you’ll die resenting them—resenting that you had to die, at all.

But when you die for people like Nines Rodriguez, you do it willingly, if only because you believed he cared somehow and that he’d fight tooth-and-nail for you, too. You believed that you were a member of his little outcast family—or that you would be, if you just proved yourself a little bit more. If you just fought a little harder. If you were just a little happier about having the chance to die for the cause. Maybe if you die for Nines, then Nines will love you, too.

I don’t think he does. I don’t think he will. If he’s a true fallen rebel archetype, I don’t know if he can anymore.

That’s enough Anarchs for now! I’m gonna peace out with some copy/pasted lyrics from the theme song of Nines’s den: the ballad of the charming and vengeful Lecher Bitch. Stay sharp, my little Bloodlines fanatics!

Tell me your story Don't worry, I've been there Crown me your savior Don't worry, I'll be there

[Chorus] I said hey You're coming all the way I've got some hell to pay I'm diggin' all the way All the way down I said hey You're coming all the way I've got some hell to pay Gonna rip you every way On the way down again [Bridge] Don't belong lording above me Won't be hard to pull you underground It won't be long 'til you love me And I'll be coming at your back To break it down

#vtmb #vampire the masquerade bloodlines #nines rodriguez #tune in next week for my 5 page essay on why Wong Ho is the only nice person in Bloodlines! #not really #but maybe really #in conclusion nines ain't shit [drops mic] #[is mauled by damsel]

[akimmito]

Heroes are made by the path they choose

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Master List

Chapter 10

Richard Grayson never expected to meet someone who had an aura similar to Alfred's, but when he approached them after leaving the hotel and almost killed them with fright, he found that the existence of other like that was possible.

Hugo, as he presented himself, did them the favor of leading them to a house on the outskirts of Paris. Unlike Wayne Manor which is amazing to see, Lenoir Country House is like stepping into a magical garden worthy of being part of a movie set. Vines tangle in the wooden frames and arches forming a natural roof from which grapes hang, plus the rose bushes that cluster around. As they walk through what would be the totally green front garden, they begin to hear barking and, according to what they were seeing on social networks, Marie Lenoir's son has six dogs, two puppies and four adults, in addition to two cats (yes, they did their little research on the family and were able to see the only photograph of the boy, who has green eyes and a haunting resemblance to Bruce).

At the entrance of the house they are greeted by a gray-haired woman with a motherly gaze. She guides them through the small mansion to her employer's study, telling them some stories of the place's reform and how kind her boss is, letting the employees live in the house, in addition to informing them to be careful with the Animals that roam the house, can be very wild and are capable of knocking down adult men (he told the anecdote of Agatha rolling through the mud to Felix Graham de Vanily and Adrien Agreste at the same time).

Tim looks with interest at the scenery, everything is so… soft, warm and homey. The place is decently large, but it doesn't feel empty, not the way the mansion, even with everyone gathered, feels cold and lonely. In that house only three people are part of the Lenoir (if their observations are correct regarding Hugo).

As they walk down a hallway, they hear two different types of barking, but soon more join… until a black-haired boy pushes them aside as he runs, behind him come the four adult dogs and they manage to knock down Dick who had the unfortunate luck of not being moving in time, the two cubs pass over him.

A little subtly they hear the boyish childish laugh before crossing another hallway (although for Tim, it was more of an evil laugh).

"That boy, always doing his thing." The lady denies with a loving expression. "When I met him, he was very grumpy, he only gave us suspicious looks and observed us in everything we did, especially when we cooked. The first time he refused to eat something that had not been prepared by Miss Lenoir or Hugo, it was hard for him to trust us..."

"Looks like they had a rough start." Dick mentions curiously, wanting me to explain a little more about the boy. Marie has done a better job than Bruce keeping her son away from the media.

"I was, but I think it was worth it, he's a very special boy." She smiles and starts walking again, straight to the shrill noise of the dogs. They barely manage to hear the murmurs.

They enter the studio, a rather large and very elegant room in cream white and black. As they walk through the door, Marie looks up and drops the conversation she was having with her son, Damian turns and gives them a look of contempt, as if he really has something against them. Dick is openly confused by the boy's gaze.

"Welcome, Mr. Grayson and Mr. Drake." She smiles kindly and invites them to settle into the room, the dogs have already taken over a large part of the space. "Honey, why don't you take your friends out to play in the backyard?"

"They are very comfortable here, mother, besides, we have played all morning. We deserve a break. ”He responds politely and giving them another poisonous look, he sits on the black leather sofa (synthetic leather, of course) rising above them as the owner of the place.

Now Richard is much more confused, did they do something to offend the boy?

Tim is restless, the boy deliberately ran past his pack of dogs capable of taking down a Dick-sized man (maybe they could even knock someone like Jason or Bruce to the ground) and now he's subtly threatening them, maybe his older brother isn't I feel it as such, but Damian is drawing a line that if they cross, it will have consequences, and he doesn't want to imagine what that murderous-looking boy is capable of doing to them.

"Weren't you going to take measurements and ask what they want, mother?" Damian questions from her place, seeing that the three adults stood uneasily. Tim tries not to look in his direction, he has the feeling that he would smile darkly at him like a whole evil being.

"Sure..." She says and takes the tape measure from the desk and putting it on her shoulders, then picks up a pencil and her sketchbook. "So is it for an event or for everyday use?"

"Daily use, in my case". Dick responds as casually as he can, feeling the boy's gaze awkward. "Tim wants his suit for work."

"Comfort and elegance, I feel most of the time, but I need to be more than decent when executives decide to improvise a meeting." Tim looks around awkwardly. "It happens very frequently... and most are organized by Bruce"

Marie is aware of what Damian is doing, but doesn't understand the reasons, she has never had that behavior with a client and doubts that it's only because they are two men who border her age, there is something else and she's going to find out, these two men they mean something, her child only reacts to extremes when it comes to... his birth family. Well, mystery solved. Now, she will discover how to approach the issue.

She couldn't see the boy's reaction to his biological father's name, but ho gaze only intensified by throwing mental daggers at the younger of the two men, causing chills. Dick gives Damian a small look, yes, it's unsettling, but he's worried about the amount of contempt he has for them, he cannot even think about how sweet and pretty the designer is, because he's not blind and she's beautiful.

Damian takes out his phone and takes a subtle photograph that he sends to the chat he has with Felix, asking him to come help him intimidate those two men. She only receives a vague reply, but it's enough for him. Although his attention is slightly taken by the group chat, where he has the misfortune of being for being of all the members of the MT (official and unofficial) .. with a very subtle name and nobody don't want to tell him who was the genius who put it on, Although if he must guess, it must have been Kim. Between that and the ridiculous names, he's completely sure that it is his doing.

Marie spends the entire morning chatting with her two clients, Damian and her pack of dogs hang around the entire time. The two German Shepherds are very intimidating, especially Agatha whenever Richard leaned too closed to his mother.

Damian is not allowing his supposed brother to have even the slightest chance of becoming his alleged father. No, he prefers his mother's lover (whoever he is) a thousand times to anyone who is in any way related to his biological family.

----------

It's not the MT

The Antibiotic: Why wasn't told me the butterfly it was active?

Perfect Crime: Because, dear cousin, enough suffering is being married to the shrew.

Plasticine: Don’t invoke her, she’s worse than Satan.

Almost pretty: At least Satan is a good guy, he invited me for a few drinks when I went to Los Angeles with my mother.

Three balls: I signed him a comic, it's great.

Needle: I remember that day, he invited us to a trio

Dragon Tamer: I remind you that there is a child here.

Olive: Agreste, none warned you because they have the concentration capacity of a stick, that is, none.

Plasticine: And you?

Olive: I don't care enough to remember his existence.

The Antibiotic: At least you are sincere...

----------

At lunchtime, Felix arrives at the country house. The two clients are still there, after Damian left the room to go to the bathroom (he's still mad at his physiology for betraying him), Tim was more open about the details. Dick was also more relaxed and they even got into a little conversation around the stunts... until the boy returned.

Two things became clear to Dick: first, the boy has something against them, and second, he has a very heavy and intimidating presence. Very creepy if asked.

So, with everyone gathered in the dining room, it's almost a surprise to see Felix arrive carrying another puppy, Dick looks bitterly as the boy gets another dog, at least hde will not be there for when the puppy turns into a giant dog.

"Felix, what does this mean?"Marinette questions in dismay, none of her friends had given an animal to her son, most against her beacause allowing him to have so many pets (even though only Daphne lives in the apartment).

“A few nights ago I had an epiphany when I saw how a ridiculous suit was the solution to all our problems, so I decided to give Damian a Great Dane because… things can only be strange to a certain extent. "

"You're delusional." She wants to laugh at his logic, especially since he always seemed incredulous every time he saw a Lucky Charm, he always ended up talking to Tikki about it and ended the discussions regretting the loss of all logic (he gave up long ago time, but it seems that the last Akuma made him remember the strange things that it delivers).

"Anybody raves after that." Damian, take. ”The boy stands up to receive his new pet, showing a small and subtle smile when he takes the puppy in his arms. "I had a hard time getting it, I had to blackmail this friend of my mother who tried to sell it at exaggerated prices. "

Marinette gives him a warning look, refraining from saying what he did in front of her guests, can still save her family's reputation a bit after Damian nearly threatened them with kitchen knives (because the real weapons don't come out of the headquarters of the MT).

"Of course not, I made a deal, I can't reveal the circumstances of the deal." He smirks and  his gaze on Marinette's clients. "I'm sorry for my rudeness, I'm Felix Graham de Vanily."

"No problem, Richard Grayson." He gets up to shake hands and shake them, giving him a nice smile, Tim stays in his place and just introduces himself, looking at the blond man without being able to avoid that many expressions of the boy are reflected in him. Does Damian see him as his father figure? He's pleasant around him, although he has not seen how he acts in front of other people.

"Do you have lunch with us?" Marinette already knows the answer, but still asks for the employees to prepare another dish.

"Of course. "

"Does he have a name?" Damian asks after he has been stroking the puppy whose fur is completely black, who is happy to be cared for.

"No, you can put whatever you want and, for the love of all that is good, never ask my cousin about it again." Mariette smiles with amusement and settles again, although she knows that Damian will take a little longer to return to sit down.

"Pictso seems happy with his name." Damian says amused to see Felix's face contract, he enjoys teasing the adults around him (except his mother).

"It just shows that any creature that comes from my cousin has the same lousy taste as him."

"I thought that was established since he didn't accept that Chloe will start the divorce process." Marinette says simply as Margaret, Hugo's equivalent in the country house, comes in with the extra plate and places it right in front of Tim, at Damian's side of the seat.

Felix only teases and adjusts himself in his seat, Damian imitates him without releasing the puppy, ignoring Marinette's gaze.

"Damian."

"Only this time, mother, then he will be with his brothers." He responds, facing his mother, feeling Richard's gaze on him, making him uncomfortable because it's too soft for his taste.

What does he need to does to get those people out of his life forever?

--------

Damian @DamianLenoir

Titus is added to the family, his brothers adore him.

[Attached photo]

Chloe B. @BourgeoisQueen

@DamianLenoir Another one? Where do you get dogs so fast?

Marie L. @MarieLenoir

@DamianLenoir @BourgeoisQueen It was a gift from Felix.

Chloe B. @BourgeoisQueen

@DamianLenoir @MarieLenoir Tell me it's not related to the bottle of Château Cheval Blanc that he gave us all

Marc @MarcAC_twt

@DamianLenoir @BourgeoisQueen @MarieLenoir I think it is.

Nath @NathanielKC_twt

@DamianLenoir @BourgeoisQueen @MarieLenoir @MarcAC_twt I don't even dare to touch the bottle, why did he give us a damn 5,000 euros wine? I shouldn't have investigated...

Felix @GrahamV_Felix

@BourgeoisQueen @MarieLenoir @MarcAC_twt @NathanielKC_twt Say thanks, or didn't they teach you manners?

Nath @NathanielKC_twt

@BourgeoisQueen @MarieLenoir @MarcAC_twt @GrahamV_Felix I would be more grateful if I didn't feel that wine is worth more than all my art supplies

#dickinette #dick x marinette #maribat #ml x dc #mominette #Damian & Marinette

[doberbutts]

When dog shows start back up again For Real This Time I’m wondering how breed clubs and judges will handle dogs who were born during the lockdown. We have many breeds which are required to have some form of manmade alteration, whether it’s dewclaw removal, cropping, docking, or something else. And yet, during the lockdown, some places (like my area, being so close to NYC) didn’t even have vaccination services offered let alone unnecessary surgery like cropping or sterilization. This means there’s an entire 3 month timespan of up-and-coming puppies that do not have these required alterations.

My hope is that breed clubs and the registry and judging bodies will allow for a slight change to standard to make these alterations optional rather than required, much like danes and boxers. This way it truly is the owner’s choice, and a good dog is not otherwise faulted for something that happened for a totally non-political reason (ie- lockdown during pandemic).

I no longer have a dog in the fight, so to speak, as Creed’s not a conformation dog and I’m not planning to get another doberman until after he passes and at that point that dog will be 100% natural... and my two additions this year are from completely untouched breeds that show with minimal grooming let alone surgical alterations. 

This is not a proposal to make all breeds 100% natural or else, but simply to allow both the historical and traditional form of the dog to show alongside those who are simply the way they’ve been since birth.

[hysterialevi]

Eitr | Chapter 9

Fanfic summary: In an alternate universe where the Raven Clan is wiped out, Sigurd ends up being rescued by the son of a Saxon ealdorman, and is tasked with being the boy’s new bodyguard. Upon meeting the boy’s father however, Sigurd soon realizes that the ealdorman is responsible for his clan’s destruction, and secretly plans for revenge while hiding behind the guise of a Norse pagan turned Christian.

Point of view: third-person

Pairing: Sigurd Styrbjornson x Male OC

Author’s note: Real quick, I just wanna say thanks for all the kind messages/comments you guys have been sending me on tumblr and AO3. I really enjoy writing this fic, and it makes it all the better when I know you’re enjoying it too. So thanks again for the support. Means the world to me <3

This story is also on AO3 | Previous chapter | Next chapter

FORANGAL CASTLE

THE DINING HALL

“I’m afraid there’s no shortage of Danes in Wedenscire, Aegenwulf.” Raedan said as the two conversed across the table. “Over these past few weeks, I’ve been seeing more and more of them crawling all over the place. It’s almost as if they’re migrating like a bloody flock of birds. It makes you wonder whether these Danes are local, or if they come from somewhere else.”

Aegenwulf took a sip from his goblet. “No Dane is local to England, my friend. They are all invaders; all outsiders.”

Bishop Hundwerth raised his cup in agreement. “Very true, my lord.”

Raedan furrowed his brow. “Well, unfortunately, regardless of wherever they may hail from, it seems that the Northmen have planted their roots rather deeply in our lands. I doubt they’ll be leaving anytime soon.”

“Any ideas on how to get them out?”

The thegn shrugged. “You know the vikings as well as I do. Those bastards are as fierce in political dialogue as they are in war. It won’t be easy to drive them out of this kingdom. The only language they understand is battle.”

“Then we would do well to keep our tongues as sharp as our blades.”

Lady Moira joined in. “Please, Raedan. Save the discussions of politics for the war room, and let us enjoy this meal that Aegenwulf’s people have been kind enough to prepare for us. We’ve all had a long journey, and I think we’d like a moment to rest.”

Her husband stepped down from his conversation, letting out a sigh. “Ah... forgive me, my love. My head is filled to the brim with warfare nowadays. I fear I have forgotten how to engage in casual chatter. But you’re right. We’ll have plenty of time to worry about all that later. For now, let us feast on this fine food that they’ve lain out for us before I become some bare-chinned ponce.”

The ealdorman chuckled. “Still the same Raedan, even after all these years.” He raised his goblet. “To your health, old friend.”

Raedan smiled warmly at that. “Thank you.” 

Clinking their cups together, the two Saxons engaged in a friendly toast and downed the rest of their drinks, merrily enjoying each other’s company.

Meanwhile, Edric and the twins sat at the other end of the table and talked with Moira and her children, sticking to their own conversation as the food slowly vanished from their plates. 

The gathering wasn’t quite as riveting as Edric would’ve liked, and Algar’s presence at the table admittedly worried him somewhat, but it was still more enjoyable than being stuck in the war room all day. He had grown tired of the constant debates and discussions of death, so it was a pleasant change of pace to take a break from all that.

He only wondered if Sigurd would decide to join them.

“So tell me,” Moira said, delicately cutting into a piece of meat, “how have things been in Forangal? Everything is going well, I hope?”

“As well as they can be, I suppose.” Edric replied. “Our people are strained due to the war, but we’re doing our best to push through it.”

“That’s good. And how have you been faring, Edric? I’ve spoken to your siblings quite a bit already, but you and I haven’t had the chance to catch up. Are things well for you? I imagine you’ve acquired an abundance of new responsibilities now that you’re older.”

The young man chuckled. “An understatement. These days, I spend most of my time joining my father’s side at the war table. If things keep going on like this, I may even join him on the battlefield soon.”

Edlynne cocked her head at him. “I certainly hope not. I’d feel much better knowing you were safe within Forangal’s walls.”

Henry gave a timid nod of agreement. “As would I. You’re dear to us all, Edric. I’d hate to see you thrown into the midst of all the chaos out there.”

A sour look spread across Moira’s face. “Well, it definitely doesn’t help when you have a Norseman wandering around the castle. Are you certain it’s wise to keep... oh, what’s his name -- Sigurd here? You’re sure you can trust him?”

Edric had a feeling this would come up sooner or later. “I know you didn’t get the best first impression of him, Lady Moira, but I assure you he means no harm. He is a good man.”

“I just think it’d be best if you found a man of Christ to protect you,” she countered, “rather than someone from such a questionable background. I mean, where did you even find him?”

Edlynne jumped in. “We didn’t find Sigurd. It was a fisherman in Agenbury who saved his life.”

“Saved his life?”

“Aye,” Edric said. “He was wounded when he washed up on the shore; barely breathing, in fact. A man named Wilfred rescued him, but his treatment wasn’t enough to keep Sigurd alive. So, we brought him back to the castle in order to let Linette take care of him. He’s been eager to repay us for our help ever since.”

Moira’s expression flattened with skepticism. “Hmm. Well, as long as he’s doing his job. Still, I’d advise you to be cautious. The vikings aren’t known for having a protective nature, after all.”

Edric decided to stifle his frustration for the moment. “...Of course, my lady. I--” he paused for a second, perking his head up in interest, “--well, speak of the Devil. Here he is.”

Turning around to face the door, everyone in the dining room brought their attention to the entrance upon hearing Edric’s remark, only to find Sigurd himself strolling through the archway. 

He wasn’t wearing any armor like he normally did on a day-to-day basis, and it appeared as if he actually made an effort to clean up. There didn’t seem to be a speck of dirt dotting his face, and a fine tunic had replaced the shell of metal that usually covered his body.

Edric beamed brightly at Sigurd, welcoming him with a smile.

“Sigurd! You decided to come.”

The viking took a hesitant step into the room, clearly feeling a bit uncomfortable. “I did.”

Edric gestured to the spot next to him. “Well, have a seat then. I’ll pour you a drink.”

Walking past the guards as he ventured further into the hall, Sigurd’s eyes briefly flicked to the opposite side when he noticed Gjuki slipping in through another pair of doors, sticking to the shadows. The room had gone completely quiet ever since their arrival, but it didn’t look like anyone had caught on to what they were doing just yet.

Odin willing, it would stay that way.

Sitting down beside Edric at the table, Sigurd quietly observed the people around him and shifted awkwardly in his seat, admittedly feeling incredibly out of place. Even though he was more familiar with Forangal’s occupants nowadays, he couldn’t deny that Raedan’s family put him on edge -- even with Edric at his side.

They were nothing more than a set of new faces to Sigurd, after all. Raedan’s name meant nothing to him in this war, and it was obvious that his wife wasn’t too fond of him either. 

He supposed he would just have to get used to it.

“You’re very tall.” Sibley suddenly said, breaking the silence.

Edric poured some wine into Sigurd’s cup, chuckling at the comment. “He is, isn’t he? A proper giant, this man. Still, you look nice this evening, Sigurd. You clean up better than I would’ve expected.”

The compliment allowed him to relax a bit. “You think? I guess there is hope for me, after all.”

“So it would seem.”

Moira’s beady gaze instantly locked onto the viking. “...Ah. Sigurd. You and I met briefly at the main gate yesterday. I must admit, I’m surprised to see you here after our... introduction. What brings you here tonight?”

“Edric invited me.”

“Did he?”

The young man spoke up. “Yes. I hope that won’t be a problem.”

The woman’s lips pursed in annoyance, and she threw a side glance at Sigurd. “No, of course not. So long as he minds his manners.”

The viking returned the comment with a glare. “The same could be said for you, my lady.”

Edric froze at the retort, already regretting this situation he had created.

“Sigurd...!” He whispered in a cautionary tone.

The other man let out a quiet sigh, deciding to hold himself back for the moment.

“...Forgive me,” Sigurd apologized, his voice stiff with reluctance, “I fear I can be rather... hasty with my words sometimes.”

Moira’s stare only seemed to sharpen in response to the apology, but she decided to drop the conversation nonetheless. Despite her husband’s silence, she could see that Raedan was unhappy with her animosity towards Sigurd, and she did not wish to cause a scene in front of her children. 

Algar, on the other hand, couldn’t have been more amused by the display.

“Have no fear, Lady Moira,” the housecarl joked. “Sigurd may look intimidating, but in truth, he’s about as harmful as a newborn pup. You and your family will be just fine.”

Initially, Sigurd planned to ignore the taunt and simply carry on with his meal, but once he noticed Gjuki approaching Algar from the shadows, he knew he had to keep the man’s attention away from him, lest they both be killed.

“Is your life so devoid of purpose that you must resort to taunting me all day, Algar?” He asked, distracting him. “Or is this simply a new hobby of yours?”

Algar chuckled. “Struck a nerve, did I? I apologize. It’s unbecoming of me to attack a man who’s already down. After all, I know you can scarcely lift a sword these days.”

“Neither can you, it seems. It appears that your foes have a habit of... getting back up.”

Edric finally snapped.

“Enough, both of you.” He said firmly, setting his cup down on the table. “Is it so hard to look past your differences for one night? I invited Sigurd here because I trust him as a friend. He is here at my behest, and I would not see him disrespected. Now, please...” Edric let out a breath, “...no more bickering. We’ve got plenty of that outside of these walls already.”

Backing down from their heated altercation, both Sigurd and Algar decided to put the matter to rest for now and quietly returned to their meals, still eyeing each other from across the table.

Meanwhile, Gjuki gently snuck a hand into the pouch hanging from the housecarl’s belt and quickly patted around it, only to take out a peculiar-looking object once he found what he was searching for.

It didn’t resemble any key Sigurd had ever seen in his life, and the shape was undeniably rather odd, but the bard seemed to recognize it, so he assumed it must’ve been the same one mentioned in that mysterious note.

Gjuki gave the viking a subtle nod and began heading out the door, beckoning Sigurd to follow him once he had the chance.

“Sigurd?” Edric said privately, tearing the man’s gaze away from his hidden friend.

“I-- yes?” He replied, his tone now coated with a hint of urgency. “What is it?”

The nobleman examined him for a moment. “...Are you alright? You seem... distracted.”

Sigurd brought himself back to the current gathering and pushed his thoughts to the side, attempting to conceal his eagerness to see what Gjuki had discovered.

“I’m fine, Edric. Just... tired from the day is all.”

The Saxon didn’t seem to notice Gjuki. “Well, I don’t blame you. I know things have been tough for you lately. But put all that aside for now. Tonight, we feast. Let us cast aside our worries, and simply enjoy the evening.” He raised his goblet in the air. “To our loved ones, and the hope that we may see them again someday.”

Sigurd smiled at Edric, picking up his drink. “Skål.”

Tapping their cups together, the two of them emptied their goblets in a lively toast and carried on with the night, doing their best to stay in high spirits despite Algar’s presence. Even though Sigurd was mainly there to act as a distraction for the housecarl, he couldn’t deny that he genuinely found joy being in Edric’s company.

The man was just... everything he wanted. He made Sigurd feel like he mattered. He made him feel safe.

There were many things the viking found himself worrying about nowadays, but with Edric there to help guide him through it, Sigurd honestly wished he could’ve stayed in Forangal a little longer. And that frightened him.

These people were supposed to be his enemies; his targets. They were the ones responsible for the destruction of his clan, and yet... Sigurd couldn’t bring himself to hate them.

Of course, he wouldn’t object to seeing Algar’s head on a pike -- and he had his own grudges to hold when it came to Aegenwulf -- but everyone else in the castle struck him as no more than regular civilians. They were just other human beings trying to survive in this godforsaken war, and a part of Sigurd’s conscience shriveled up in remorse at the idea of harming them.

They didn’t deserve death, nor did they deserve Eivor’s wrath. But Sigurd knew that without the chance to witness their compassion face-to-face, his brother would be less inclined to show them mercy.

He would have to find some way to bring them to an understanding. He had no doubts that Eivor’s wounds remained fresh after everything that transpired in Ravensthorpe, and the last thing Sigurd wanted was to be caught in the middle.

There was good and bad on both sides of this battle, and he prayed he’d be able to make Gjuki see that. That man was the one thing keeping the brothers in touch, and in the end, Eivor’s impression of Forangal depended on him.

He was the only reason Eivor had any idea of what was happening in Wedenscire, and Sigurd could only hope that his messages weren’t being twisted with malice. 

Otherwise, he dreaded to imagine what awaited them in the future.

~~~~~~~~~~

ONE HOUR LATER

SIGURD’S CHAMBERS

Stepping gently through the lengthy corridors, Sigurd followed the amber glow of the flicking torches as their flames danced softly against the walls, dimly lighting the floor so that he could see where he was going.

It had been a few minutes ever since the feast ended, and Gjuki all but vanished from the dining hall after stealing the key, but upon taking his leave, Sigurd found a note telling him to return to his chambers.

He didn’t know if something was wrong, or if the invitation was a trap, but regardless of what awaited him in the near future, Sigurd knew he’d have to face it eventually.

Everything he and Gjuki had worked for thus far was riding on this plan, and if something had gone awry, he wished to figure out what it was sooner than later. There was no telling what would happen if Algar learned of their schemes after all, and the last thing Sigurd wanted was to be caught with his hands tied.

“...Gjuki?” Sigurd said quietly as he walked into his quarters, opening the door as subtly as possible. 

There weren’t any guards patrolling in the vicinity at the moment, and most of Forangal’s people seemed to be asleep by now, but the viking still wanted to be cautious. Algar could’ve been lurking around somewhere in the shadows for all he knew, and he didn’t fancy the idea of bumping into him again.

“Ah, there you are, Lone Wolf,” the bard replied from Sigurd’s bed, free from the confines of his helm. “I thought those Saxons would never let you go.”

The other man shut the door behind closed him, keeping his voice low lest it seep out into the corridor.

“You found the key, yes? Did anyone notice you on the way out?”

Gjuki smirked, holding the key in the air for Sigurd to see. “Not a single soul. It’s as if I was never there. Honestly, the most difficult part of the theft was having to endure Lady Moira’s bleating. How anyone deals with that woman is beyond me.”

Sigurd sighed. “Well, I’d rather take her over Algar any day. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is you were able to find the key. Do you know where to use it?”

The bard stood up from the bed. “I have yet to find an exact location, but there is enough in Algar’s note that I should be able to track it down. Apparently, this crypt of his is somewhere near Forangal, but hidden well enough that most people simply stroll right past it. It’s difficult to find even when you know what to look for.”

The viking stepped next to Gjuki, observing the key in his hand. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Gjuki thought for a moment. “Hmm. Not much, I’m afraid. All I would ask is that you proceed with your life as compliantly as possible. Do what the Saxons say. Follow their commands. Keep your head down. I know it’s... an unfavorable approach, but if I’m going to rummage through Algar’s belongings and find out what he’s hiding, I’ll need you to make sure that his suspicion stays low.”

Sigurd nodded, admittedly somewhat annoyed at the thought of having to take Moira’s insults without fighting back. “...If that’s what you need, then I’ll do it.”

“Thank you, Sigurd. I promise, I’ll return to you as soon as I discover something. Just keep an eye on that pier I mentioned. When I’m ready to meet you again, I’ll light the brazier. I think it’s best if we go over Algar’s secrets in private.”

“Understood.”

Gjuki slipped the key back into his pocket, striding towards the door. “Good. Then I best be off. In the meantime, I’ll also prepare for Broder’s return.”

The viking raised a brow. “Broder? Who’s that?” 

“Oh, I never told you his name, did I? Forgive me. He’s a Dane aiding me in this investigation. He too comes from East Anglia. I sent him back to report to Eivor on the day I first met you, but I imagine he’ll be making his way back now. I’ll tell him of what you and I have accomplished here.”

A thought suddenly crossed Sigurd’s mind, causing him to stop Gjuki in his tracks.

“Wait, Gjuki. Before you leave...”

The bard glanced over his shoulder. “Hm? What is it, Lone Wolf?”

“Earlier, back in the courtyard, you told me Eivor was planning to attack Forangal Castle. That he wanted revenge.”

Gjuki nodded. “Yes, but it’s going to take some time. He’ll need more allies before he can muster the strength necessary to assault this fortress.”

A concerned look spread across Sigurd’s face. “Well, when you get the chance, let him know that there are good people here. Tell him that not all of them deserve to be killed, and that not everyone here is our enemy.”

The other man chuckled and crossed his arms. “...You truly believe that, don’t you?”

Sigurd shrugged, confused about Gjuki’s reaction. “And why shouldn’t I? Is there something you know that I don’t?”

The bard lowered his voice to a whisper, speaking in a manner similar to that of a snake.

“I see the way these Saxons look at you when your back is turned to them. I see the way they mock our gods, and twist your mind. They would lock you in a cage next to their dogs if they could, and yet, they chain you with an illusion of friendship because that’s the only thing that’ll keep you from retaliating.”

The viking shook his head. “You have the wrong idea, Gjuki. Even though there are some people here who would see me dead, there are also those who would defend me. Like Edric and his siblings.”

The bard laughed. “You don’t even realize that you’re being indoctrinated, do you? I know you care for Edric, but he is not your friend, Sigurd. I heard your conversation with him in the courtyard. You haven’t even been here for a month and he’s already asking you to convert to Christianity. Don’t you see what he’s trying to do? He’s trying to turn you into a thrall.”

Sigurd placed his hands on his hips, growing somewhat concerned about Gjuki’s paranoia. “No, he isn’t. Edric asked me to consider Christianity, yes, but he’s not forcing me into it.”

The other man wasn’t convinced. “...Not yet.”

Gjuki looked Sigurd directly in the eye, practically piercing through his gaze.

“Listen to me carefully, Lone Wolf. Even though I know my words will carry little meaning in a time like this, I still think you need to hear them. Before I met your brother, I was a slave to a Dane called Rued who used to reside in East Anglia. He was an argr rat, and spoke with a forked tongue. He did the same thing that these Saxons are doing to you. He displayed enough brutality so that we would stay in our place, but offered us the occasional ‘reward’ to keep us obedient. He was our friend from time to time, but mainly our oppressor.”

“This...” Gjuki continued, gesturing to the room around them, “...is your reward. And that...” he pointed to Sigurd’s suit of armor, “...is your leash. So take my advice. Break free from the binds that they have put on your hugr, and be ready to strike when the time comes. These Saxons are nothing more than vipers, and you’d do best to remember that. Trust me, I would know.”

Putting their conversation to an end, Gjuki decided he had said enough and began making his way out the door, leaving Sigurd with one last piece of advice.

“I know none of this is your fault, Sigurd, but do not forget where you come from, nor what started all this. You are only here because the gods were kind enough to spare you, not because these Saxons wanted you to live. So the next time Edric offers you his friendship, remember, his father would’ve killed you in a heartbeat if everything went according to plan. A hatred like that doesn’t disappear just because you raise a sword in his name.”

Gjuki pulled the door open, suddenly trapped in an uncommonly dour mood.

“Farewell for now, Sigurd. I pray that the gods will be merciful in the days to come, and I hope that you and Eivor will be able to reunite soon. It isn’t too late to recover from this mess yet, but time waits for no one. And it certainly won’t wait for you.”

#assassin's creed valhalla #ac valhalla #sigurd styrbjornson #male oc #female oc #sigurd x male oc #ac valhalla fanfic #eitr

[princess-grim]

Charlie's and Jack's first met [SCRIPT, ENG/PL]

Alright! So not so long time ago i did a script how Charlie and Jack first met, i hope you'll enjoy it! English ver: (It was a cloudy day, all of this happened in the mental hospital where Charlie usually works and examines his patients. It's 4:30 PM)

Jack: * He is sitting in some room on a chair in front of a small table, waiting for someone to come to check him *

Charlie: * Knocks on the door * Knock knock!

Jack: ... Who's there ..?

Charlie: * Enters * It's me! Heheh! * Closes the door behind him, sits on the chair in front of Jack *

Charlie: Hmmm .. You must be.. * Checks his name on his list * Ah! Jack! Jack Di-

Jack: AGH !! DO NOT SAY THIS SURNAME !! I HATE IT !!!! STOP IT! STOP IMMEDIATELY !!! * He covered his ears with his hands and closed his eyes *

Charlie: Huh? Well .. All right!

Jack: I just prefer people to call me ONLY Jack ..

Charlie: As you wish. And so! Nice to meet you, Jack! I am Dr. sunshine! I'm here to help you fix your mental illness * smiled *

Charlie: So let's get started .. How are you today?

Jack: Why should I tell you?

Charlie: Uhm ... Well, to make you a diagnosis! You know, I need to know how you feel, without knowing about your well-being, I will not be able to fully diagnose you and cure you of the disease or disorder which causes you the emotions that you feel right now, and emotions often lead to various unpleasant actions such as: murder, violence, aggression etc.

Jack: So you're telling me the sick are to blame, right?

Charlie: Oh no no !! I didn't really mean it! I mean-

Jack: Do you realize that mentally ill people commit crimes and other things for other reasons?

Charlie: Yes I-

Jack: Grrr ... I DO NOT LIKE people to think that mentally ill people are just psychopaths who do nothing and they only kill others because they like it so much 'cause of their mental illnesses .. And how others blame THEM for the murder and violence, and not those who caused that they behave this way ...

Charlie: I-I .. Uhm ..

Jack: LOOK AT THIS WORLD! Almost every breathing creature in this goddamn world is rude, mean, ignorant and self-righteous and people who A LITTLE DIFFERENCE become victims of these Normals assholes for being different ... DAMN, HOW CAN YOU NOT GET MENTALLY SICK?!?!

Charlie: I-I understand .. But unfortunately their mental illnesses or disorders do not justify their actions, w-that's why go to therapies like this t-to heal themselves from mental disorders and diseases so they won't hurt others anymore ..!

Jack: ... So we're the only ones to suffer, yeah ..? And they get away with it ???

Jack: If we're being chastised by them, WHY DON'T THEY FEEL IT ?! IT'S UNFAIR!!! HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED THIS PAIN ?! THE PAIN OF BEING LAUGH AT, SHAMED BECAUSE YOU ARE DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF THESE NORMALS FUCKFACES?! ANSWER ME!!!!

Charlie: YES! I HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS MANY TIMES!!! * Stressed out *

Jack: ... Knew it ...

Charlie: Huh ..?

Jack: You seem ... Different from the rest ... You're so strangely ... Positive ... Nice, polite and ... Good for a psychiatrist ..

Jack: The other psychiatrists I met were too serious and without emotion and no sympathy whatsoever .. I've never met someone like you.

Jack: Apparently you are not a normals .. Though I can see that you are trying your best to be one .. Why?

Charlie: I .. I'm no different! I am a normal person, like everyone else! I just want to be polite to others and that's it!

Jack: Mmmm .. A lie. A simple lie .. I don't like when others lie to me .. And the most I do not like when people try to lie to themselves.

Jack: You are different .. You are .. Sensitive and sympathetic .. I don't meet such people like you .. Almost never. And the fact that you yourself admitted that people treated you like garbage ..

Charlie: I'm not different ..

Jack: If you are not different, why are you trying so hard to tell me that you are not instead of ignoring what I am saying? It looks like you are trying to hide something from me ... Don't hide the fact that you know what I mean ... We are similar to each other ...

Jack: Weak .. Sensitive .. Different ... You can't fool me, doctor ..

Charlie: ... Why are you telling me this ...?

Jack: So that you finally understand that this is not the real you. I know what I'm saying .. Believe me * He smiled widely *

Charlie: ... I think time is up regarding my conversation with you. * Rises from the chair * Time for me, I have other patients to check. Goodbye, Jack.

Charlie: * slides the chair behind him, walks to the door, leaves and closes the door behind him * Polish ver: (To był pochmurny dzień, wszystko to działo się w szpitalu psychiatrycznym w którym Charlie zwykle pracuje i

bada swoich pacjentów. Jest godzina 16:30)

Jack: *Siedzi w jakimś pokoju na krześle przed małym stolikiem, czeka aż ktokolwiek przyjdzie go zbadać*

Charlie: *Puka do drzwi* Puk puk!

Jack: ... Kto tam..?

Charlie: *Wchodzi* To ja! Heheh! *Zamyka za sobą drzwi, siada na krześle przed Jackiem*

Charlie: Hmmm.. Ty musisz byyyć.. *Sprawdza na swojej liście jego dane* Ah! Jack! Jack Di-

Jack: AGH!! NIE MÓW TEGO NAZWISKA!! NIECIERPIE GO!!!! PRZESTAŃ! PRZESTAŃ NATYCHMIAST!!! *Zakrył swoje uszy rękoma i zamknął oczy*

Charlie: Huh? Cóż.. No dobrze!

Jack: Wolę po prostu by ludzie nazywali mnie TYLKO Jack..

Charlie: Jak sobie życzysz. A więc! Miło mi cie poznać, Jack! Ja jestem pan sunshine! Jestem tu po to by pomóc ci naprawić twoje problemy psychiczne *uśmiechnął sie*

Charlie: A więc zaczynajmy.. Jak się dziś czujesz?

Jack: Czemu miałbym ci mówić?

Charlie: Uhm... No po to by postawić ci diagnozę! Wiesz, musze wiedzieć jakie jest twoje samopoczucie, bez wiedzy o twoim samopoczuciu nie do końca będę mógł ci postawić diagnozy i cie wyleczyć z choroby lub zaburzenia które powoduje u ciebie emocje które teraz odczuwasz, a emocje często prowadzą do różnych nieprzyjemnych czynów jak: morderstwo, przemoc, agresja itp.

Jack: Czyli mi mówisz że chorzy są winni, tak??

Charlie: Oh nie nie!! Nie do końca to miałem na myśli! Chodzi mi bardziej o to że-

Jack: Zdajesz sobie w sprawę z tego że chorzy psychicznie ludzie popełniają przestępstwa i różne rzeczy z innych powodów???

Charlie: Tak, ja-

Jack: Grrr... NIE LUBIE jak inni uważają że chorzy psychicznie ludzie to tylko psychopaci którzy nic nie robią tylko zabijają innych bo im sie tak podoba z ich chorób psychicznych.. I to jak inni winią ICH za morderstwa i przemoc a nie tych którzy sprawili że tak sie zachowują...

Charlie: J-ja.. Uhm..

Jack: SPÓJRZ NA TEN ŚWIAT! Prawie każda oddychająca istota na tym cholernym świecie jest nieuprzejma, wredna, ignorancka i zadufana w sobie, a ludzie którzy CHOĆ TROCHĘ się różnią, zostają ofiarami tych dupków normalsów za to że są inni... CHOLERA, JAK TU NIE ZOSTAĆ CHORYM PSYCHICZNIE?!?!

Charlie: R-rozumiem.. Ale niestety ich choroby psychiczne lub zaburzenia ich nie usprawiedliwiają do ich czynów, d-dlatego chodzą na terapie takie jak ta b-by wyleczyć się z zaburzeń i chorób psychicznych, dzięki temu nie będą już krzywdzić innych..!

Jack: ... Czyli tylko my mamy cierpieć, tak..? A im uchodzi to na sucho???

Jack: Skoro my jesteśmy przez nich karceni, TO CZEMU ONI NIE POCZUJĄ JAK TO JEST?! TO NIESPRAWIEDLIWE!!! CZY TY W OGÓLE DOŚWIADCZYŁEŚ TEGO BÓLU?! BÓLU BYCIA OŚMIESZANYM, WYZYWANYM BO JESTEŚ INNY OD RESZTY TYCH ZJEBOMÓZGÓW?! ODPOWIEDZ MI!!!!

Charlie: TAK! DOŚWIADCZYŁEM WIELE RAZY!!! *Zestresował się*

Jack: ... Wiedziałem..

Charlie: Huh..?

Jack: Wydajesz się... Inny od reszty... Jesteś tak dziwnie.. Pozytywny.. Miły, uprzejmy i... Dobry jak na psychiatrę..

Jack: Inni psychiatrzy których poznałem byli zbyt poważni i bez emocji i jakiejkolwiek sympatii.. Nigdy nie poznałem kogoś takiego jak ty.

Jack: Widocznie nie jesteś normalsem.. Choć mogę zauważyć że próbujesz z całych sił nim być.. Dlaczego?

Charlie: Ja.. Nie jestem inny! Jestem normalną osobą, jak każdy! Ja po prostu chcę być uprzejmy do innych i tyle!

Jack: Mmmm.. Kłamstwo. Zwykłe kłamstwo.. Nie lubie jak inni mnie okłamują.. A najbardziej nie lubię jak ludzie próbują okłamywać samych siebie.

Jack: Jesteś inny.. Jesteś.. Wrażliwy i sympatyczny.. Mało spotykam takich ludzi.. Prawie w ogóle. I fakt że sam przyznałeś że ludzie traktowali cie jak śmiecia..

Charlie: Nie jestem inny..

Jack: Skoro nie jesteś inny to dlaczego tak bardzo próbujesz mi wmówić że nie jesteś zamiast zignorować to co teraz mówię? Wygląda to jakbyś próbował coś przede mną ukryć... Nie ukrywaj tego że nie wiesz o co mi chodzi... Jesteśmy podobni do siebie...

Jack: Słabi.. Wrażliwi.. Inni... Nie oszukasz mnie, doktorze..

Charlie: ... Dlaczego mi to mówisz..?

Jack: Abyś w końcu zrozumiał że to nie jesteś prawdziwy ty. Wiem co mówię.. Uwierz mi *Uśmiechnął się szeroko*

Charlie: ... Myślę że czas się skończył co do mojej rozmowy z tobą. *Wstaje z krzesła* Czas na mnie, mam innych pacjentów do zbadania. Dowidzenia, Jack.

Charlie: *Zasuwa za sobą krzesło, podchodzi do drzwi, wychodzi i zamyka za sobą drzwi*

#charlie pakhomov #shinekitai pakhomov #jack dickson #jack #script #eng script #pl script #polish #english #mh #mysterious hatred #mado-racc

[tiriansjewel]

Rating All The Main Little Women Adaptations

Little Women (1933)-

This is probably my least favorite adaptation, not because it’s strictly bad, but mostly because it’s so old. You can definitely tell that this was made for an audience in the 1930s. Katharine Hepburn plays a very stereotypical, tomboyish Jo, and her performance is good, but in general I’ve only seen this movie one time and don’t have any desire to repeat the experience. However, if you like old films, if you like Katharine Hepburn, or if this movie is simply nostalgic for you, I can see how this would be something you might pop on every now and again. 5.5/10

Little Women (1949)-

So... I have a lot of mixed feelings on this adaptation. This is the adaptation of Little Women that I grew up watching, so I’ve seen it many times, and it has a huge nostalgia factor for me. I really love June Allyson’s Jo. Again, you can tell that this movie was made for an audience in the 1940s, but I connected a lot more with Jo’s character development in this as opposed to 1933. Peter Lawford was okay as Laurie, but I can’t get over the fact that he looks 35 and he’s supposed to be 16. Jo and Laurie do have lovely chemistry in this movie however, and I love the scene when they meet. I quite enjoy Janet Leigh’s Meg, although her character is rather poorly developed. Elizabeth Taylor’s Amy... is... not my favorite. I don’t hate it, but she always felt very artificial to me. Lastly, the decision to make Beth drastically younger than the other sisters was not good in my opinion. She just felt like a little fragile baby bird the whole movie, like they were setting her up to die, rather than being one of the sisters. All in all though, this movie is good if you want to watch a nice feel-good film. It has nostalgia factor for me and it’s definitely a fun movie if you can look past the humanity of the story and get lost in the music and joy. 6/10

Little Women (1994)-

Where to even begin... There are so many things I love about this movie, and so many things I dislike. Firstly: likes. I love Winona Ryder’s Jo. It’s the first time we’ve seen an on-screen Jo portrayed as a human and not just as a tomboy. She is clearly the hot-headed, independent intellectual that we all know, and yet she does have a kindness about her. Claire Danes is easily my favorite Beth in any adaptation. The emotion she shows when given the piano, when she is handed the sick baby at the Hummels, and when she is dying and Jo is at her side... completely unmatched. Her delivery of the line “I shall be homesick for you, even in heaven” always makes me sob. I also love Susan Sarandon’s Marmee, although at times it feels like her character is trying to be a bit of a political statement. Christian Bale as Laurie was also a good decision for the most part. I like that they made Amy an actual child in this film, so that her spoiled brat actions actually make sense, plus Kirsten Dunst is fabulous. I don’t have much positive or negative to say about Meg. I also like the subtle details about the time period, like the insinuation that the March’s were transcendentalists, because it shows that we’re really in the 1860s. All in all, the setting, aesthetic, and soundtrack to the film are very good, and it’s nice to finally see an adaptation that is filmed outside of a set. Now, dislikes. All of the relationships in this film and their portrayals, except for Jo and Prof Bhaer, are... not great. Firstly, Laurie’s proposal to Jo is so weird and creepy and not at all what I imagined reading the book. Sure, the first two proposal scenes from 1933 and 1949 were very overdramatized and obviously acted, but the first thing Laurie does to reveal his feelings to Jo in this film is to kiss her, after she repeatedly says no. Then after this, we get an extremely out-of-breath Christian Bale (rather poorly) delivering lines to an exasperated Jo. The way they film this entire movie also paints Jo to be in love with Laurie, and so when Jo refuses, it feels like she’s just making excuses. I do not like it. The other creepy thing is (again) an obviously adult Laurie bringing an obviously child Amy to Aunt March when Beth is sick. During this carraige ride, Amy remarks that she doesn’t want to die without having been kissed, and Laurie promises her that he will kiss her before she dies. I know this is meant to be “cute” and if Laurie had looked 17 and Amy had looked 14 I probably would have agreed, but Christian Bale looks 25 and Kirsten Dunst looks 12. That entire scene was weirdly sexual and made me very uncomfortable. In addition, John Brooke and Meg full on making out in the front lawn during the family Christmas dinner. I just... did not find any of this charming and wish that these scenes hadn’t been sexualized like they were. Am I crazy for thinking they are? Anyways, besides this, I enjoy this film, it’s a good movie to watch over Christmas or in the spring when it’s raining. I love Winona Ryder with all my heart and soul and this movie will always have a special place in my heart. 7.5/10

Little Women (2019)-

Finally, we arrive at the newest, and in my opinion, best adaptation. Firstly, the cast for this film is amazing, with Saoirse Ronan as Jo, Emma Watson as Meg, Florence Pugh as Amy, Eliza Scanlen as Beth, Timothee Chalamet as Laurie, and Laura Dern as Marmee. This was made with a non-linear narrative, meaning the story isn’t told in order but instead in corresponding scenes that are years apart. At first, the format confused me, as I did not expect it, but on a second viewing, I appreciated how genius and subtle the parallels from scene to scene are, and how they really enhance the movie as a whole. This movie also brings in the most scenes from the book, showing Meg in her marriage to John Brooke, Amy’s buildup to her marriage to Laurie in Europe, and Mr. Laurence and Beth’s fatherly friendship. I feel that, in general, the way the characters were written was very accurate to the book, even if some scenes and plots were slightly changed for time and continuity. Again, Jo has the duality of hot-headed, wild, independence and kind-heartedness seen in the 1994 movie, but I really appreciate the way Jo was written in this movie. I never feel like she sees Laurie as anything more than a brother, and I feel like her transition from an idealistic teenager to an adult dealing with the loss of her sister is way more human and natural. Her relationship with Marmee is much better developed in this movie, which leads to scenes of Jo confiding in her mother, and these felt very realistic and reminded me of my relationship with my mom. Emma Watson is my favorite Meg, and this is probably because Meg’s character is so much better developed. Her shame when telling John Brooke about the dress fabric is palpable, and her discontentedness with being poor is very obvious. In other films, Meg has been pragmatic and has borne her troubles easily, but here we find her struggling, and it makes her more human. I also love how she realizes that she is truly happy with her husband, not money, and I really love how they wrote Meg in general. Beth’s character arc was great, although not as good as Claire Danes’s Beth, in my opinion. I love how they build Mr. Laurence and Beth’s relationship, and I love how you can tell that Beth is just as strong-willed as her sisters, she is just more quiet about it. She has a strong conviction to do what is right, like going to the Hummels, and the scene of her and Jo by the sea was one of my favorites in the film (and in the book!).

Moving on to Amy. I am SO happy that we finally have an Amy that everyone loves. I had always felt frustrated because previous adaptations have focused so much on the earlier parts of the book that viewers only ever saw Amy as a childish little brat who burned Jo’s book, not as a girl who grows up to become an elegant, strong, and graceful woman. Although Florence Pugh is clearly a 24 year old woman, I did not feel a disconnect when she was trying to play a 12 year old Amy. She was so hilarious and endearing, especially as her little crush on Laurie is so obvious. And the typical sister fight between her and Jo is so accurate to real sibling fights (my favorite line being “Don’t look at me like that!” to Beth). You dislike her for burning Jo’s book, but you also want to accept her apology. And her calm, yet firm attitude towards Laurie when they’re adults is beautifully done, especially as she’s so obviously in love with him. In short, Amy finally got what she deserved. Lastly, Laurie. Timothee Chalamet is my favorite Laurie, hands down. First, he looks the part, because he seems to be 19 instead of 35, and also, he acts like a typical teenage boy. When he confesses his love to Jo, you can tell that he truly cares for her and is experiencing his first heartbreak. It isn’t full of lust, rather it’s full of genuine emotion and raised voices and talking over one another, and this was truly needed after so many weirdly overdramatized proposals. You can also see that his love for Amy is real, and that she’s not just a replacement for Jo. Finally, he grows into a man, who has a wife and a child seen at the end of the film, something that I feel has not happened in previous films. In general, I felt like this adaptation did a PHENOMENAL job of portraying human relationships. The way the sisters talk over one another and tussle around the floor and hug one another and are just in relationship with one another is so natural and realistic. Marmee’s relationships with her kids. The romantic relationships are healthy and loving and yes, have chemistry, but aren’t sexualized or over the top. This movie is a new classic, and I plan to watch it many more times. I highly recommend this if you haven’t seen it yet. 9/10

So anyway, if you read this far, wow. I hope you enjoyed my opinions and found them useful. Have a good day.

#little women #little women 2019 #little women 1994 #little women 1949 #little women 1933 #katharine hepburn #june allyson #peter lawford #elizabeth taylor #winona ryder #christian bale #claire danes #kirsten dunst #susan sarandon #saoirse ronan #timothee chalamet #emma watson #florence pugh #eliza scanlen #laura dern #jo march #meg march #amy march #beth march #jo x laurie #amy x laurie #louisa may alcott #timothee and saoirse #greta gerwig

[dragonwarriorgal]

Fate: The Winx Saga episode 5 - Wither Into The Truth

*inhale*

Is this a flashback?

Oh, that's right, Beatrix. I completely forgot about it, I thought it was the birth of Bloom

You know, they could have had interesting camera angles with this setting (a cage in the middle of the room with Beatrix in it), you know, like how they did in avatar, but then again... this show is INCREDIBLY LAZY when it comes to being interesting.

Just... what... ugh

Oh, poor, poor, useless Dane. He should just be called Checkmark, because that is what his character is, a LBGQ+ checkmark. You could have cut him out and NOTHING would have changed!

GASP! HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE! IT WILL BE FOREVER SCARRED AND DEFORMED HIS ENTIRE LIFE IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT BLOOM! HIS FATHER FIGURE WILL DISOWN HIM! HE WILL BE KICKED OUT OF THE SCHOOL! HE WILL BE EXILED FROM SOLAARIA! DOOMED TO ROAM THE MOST DESERTED OF THE DESERTS, TO WALK THE LONELY DUNES OF SOLITARY!

In all seriousness I was kinda hoping that she made it worse when she was healing him. That she would actually burn this scratch (if you can call it that) and make a thumb print burn mark on his cheek. XD. Make her claim!

I didn't know it was possible for this show to be EVEN MORE VAGUE! But here we are with this montage of drab and boring fight training.

YOU'RE JUST NOW THINKING THAT? YOU HAVE BEEN DOING IT THIS ENTIRE SEASON EVER SINCE WE LEARNED YOU WERE AN EMPATH!

I think that I will not be having not many comments on this episode because I am still getting my brain around the fact that this show went 180 in the last 5 minutes of the last episode AND I AM CONVINCED THAT THIS AREA HAS FOREVER RAIN AS AN AMBIANCE!

Hello random flashback

And now we have Marco bursting through the door while injured saying "Hey, I'm still hot, also here's some information for the next plot point, lastly ouch! Look at my booboo, it is on my beatiful ABS"

Ah, yes, politics, that's what it was missing from this show...

My face in every scene Terra misses Stella (and also every scene Terra is in):

You know Aisha, you could try taking away her door to force her to be "more open". Worked like a charm for HER PARENTS! (I will never get over that)

And now we have ghosts... *sigh*

Nevermind, it was Stella... it literally changes nothing to me, but because this is text and I really don't wanna overwhelm you with photos and make this post kilometers long, it is best to let you know what is happening. (I say in this long ass post)

I need to pee

*smacks lips* Tell the chef that this generic teen dramatic scene with Stella and her mom is very bland and tasteless.

Like, how you've been THIS ENTIRE SHOW!

YOU'RE IN THE FUCKING CAFETERIA!! THERE ARE STUDENTS!!!! ALL AROUND YOU!!!! WHAT KIND OF MENTAL BREAKDOWN DID YOU GET!!! TO THINK THIS WAS OKAY!!!! And also Gay Checkmark went to being a "delinquent" real quick.

This scene with Sky and Bloom has barely started and I can already tell you, without seeing the rest of this scene (I am 28:55 into this episode), that she spiked the drink or did something with it. Though it would be funny if he were to pass out while he was confessing his sad backstory. XD

I. Feel. Nothing. I just want this episode to be over with. It's a good thing that Netflix counts down the minutes.

He passed out.

"I'm dying, and everyone around me is dead :(. Better facetime my boss" Ah, I just got it why they did it... it would have made absolute NO DIFFERENCE if it was a regular phone call or with radio. I will go through the whole "update it to the modern age" this show has been going through in another post.

I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS ALL THE TIME!!

There are so many things to talk about in this "Dowling's confession" scene. How the hell did the three of them create a single lightning to bomb a village with 300km radius? How boring those military outfits are. AND WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE BURNED ONES? WHERE THE HELL DID THEY COME FROM? WHAT IS THEIR PURPOSE? WHO THE HELL IS THIS "HE" BEATRIX AND THE ASSISTANT WERE TALKING ABOUT WHEN THEY FIRST MET? WHY THE HELL AM i SOBER WATCHING THIS?!!!??!?!

Wow, I completely forgot about Sky. Pfft-hahahahhaahaahhahahahaahahaha

And also, this is the pen-ultimate episode so we naturally *scoffs* have to get together to destroy the evil or whatever the fuck they're doing. Even though we have ALMOST NEVER HUNG OUT TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR QUEST!!!

There sure are a lot of off track driving going on in this show...

5 and a half minutes left

Ah, another round of "I can't see shit!" with some JJ Abrams flavouring.

*ominous* "Hello Bloom" I am SERIOUSLY gonna need a drink tomorrow to get through this last episode!

#I REALLY tried to make this a short one #but DAMN IT this show brings out my nitpicky side #fate the winx saga #winx club #live action winx #live reaction series

[moonlightreal]

Fate episode 4

Welcome back to Fate Elemental Academy!  Or should I call it Fate: The Elemental Academy Saga? Fate: Tales From Elemental Academy?  I kinda wish I had an actual following now, we could push changing the name all over the fandom. Fate’s a bad Winx show but it’s not a bad show.

When we left our cast Beatrix just murderized a dude, Terra was suffering, Musa was finding love, Stella was mysterious, Bloom was destiny-ridden and Aisha was getting bored with it all!  What will happen now?

Also, is Rosalind evil?  I assumed she was the “she” who got rid of all the Burned Ones and thus was a hero, but she’s got some serious resting evil face.

Episode 4 opens with a gorgeous shadowy shot of Alfea in the twilight of day twelve-ish I assume.  In Dowling’s still badly lit office the adults are investigating Callan!  Whose real name was Callum, I think, but he’s dead and so won’t mind what I call him.  But Dowling says he hasn’t been seen “for days” so we’ll jump to it being day twentyish.  They’ve searched Callan’s room and found “metal-amalgam” which seems to be mercury, which someone would use to try to get past the trap on the door to the undercroft. Harvey charmingly starts a lecture on its properties before realizing Silva and Dowling want to get on with the infordumping.  Dowling says Callan wouldn’t have known about the mercury, it’s “archaic fairy knowledge” and he’s not a fairy.  

But couldn’t anyone study the lore even if they don’t have powers? Dane was doing potions/chemistry in the greenhouse with Terra and he’s not a fairy.  There’s usually some magic stuff that muggles can do just by having an enchanted thingamabob.  Fate, your worldbuilding leaves much to be desired.

Silva guesses Callan had help.  And Harvey’s made magical fingerprint mist!  He’s got a pitcher on a stick and smoke is coming out to track the magic used in the room!  Does that make Harvey a fairy?

The smoke outlines Callan’s vanished form, where he was sitting paralyzed before Beatrix zapped him.

Dowling: “At least we know where he went.”

Silva: “And that there’s a murderer in our school.”

The murderer herself is looking at her phone, scrolling through Bloom’s social media selfies.  Bloom’s online name is bloomerang04 which is a dumb online name.  Of course the fact that we pick our online name at age 15 or thereabouts means most of us have dumb ones.  Riven asks B what she’s obsessing over and Beatrix says, “Your fault for spreading it around that she’s a changeling. She’s now the most interesting person at school.”

WHAT is it about changelings?!

Riven says everyone will move on in a few days and asks Beatrix if this is “one of those movies where you dye your hair and take her life...” and Beatrix looks… hmm.  

Do I smell Plot or am I imagining it?  But then Riven decides to claim Beatrix’s attention in smoochy ways and I’m pretty sure they’re Doing The Sex.

Opening!

In the cafeteria, people stare at Bloom as she gets her breakfast!

Aisha has taken over Callan’s job to snoop on what he knew!  Bloom “suggested” she do it.  Or more like, begged.  And thought Aisha is such a suckup she’d do it just to get brownie points with the headmistress.

The vibe of this scene is like nails on a blackboard.  Bloom, you are awful people.  And Bloom wants to eat breakfast in here to avoid the stares because she’s a changeling.

Musa comes in cheerful, “Bloom still pretending she’s not upset by the gossip?”

Bloom: ‘still pretending you’re not dating your roommate’s brother?”

And Terra comes in right in time to almost hear that.  Bloom, you are awful people.  But Terra’s got her own gossip: Stella’s mom is coming!  Stella is “dreading being outshined by her mom” and Terra is kinda loving it.  For which I can’t entirely blame her since Stella is also awful people even if my suspicions are right and there are circumstances that made her that way.

Bloom tries to be non-awful and says the girls don’t have to come eat breakfast with her “like I’m some kind of loser-mess.  I’m fine.” Friendship music plays.  The girls smile. Then Bloom heads off to finish her “poison paper” before the assembly.  Musa says, “For the record, she’s not fine.”

In the arched walkway above the cafeteria Riven, Dane and Beatrix and talking about changelings!  B: ‘Changelings were a way for pissed-off fairies to get revenge on the first world.  Swap a fairy for a First world baby and wait for it to wreak havoc.  Changelings are bad news.  That’s why we stay on their good side.”

One of the boys had asked about “is that true about changelings?” presumable Dane, since Riven knew enough to spread the truth around. So not everybody knew all this.

FINALLY! Thank you, show.  And, this is neat!  Those would have to be some very pissed-off fairies to sacrifice their own baby, what’d the first worlders do to them I wonder!  Though it still doesn’t explain why Bloom should be “bad news” any more than any other fairy.  Does growing up in the human world make for more powerful fairies?  I mean, that IS the lore, human food, human milk, human soul… but did the writers of Fate know that?  I’m not trusting the writers of Fate to know much of anything at this point, even if they did get all those Yeats episode titles.

But we get interrupted by teen drama, Dane sees Terra down below and goes to see her.  Sigh.

But then to muddy the waters, riven says Dane “believed all that changeling bullshit you just fed him!”  but B says it “isn’t all bullshit, changelings can be dangerous.  You did everybody a favor.’ warning them about Bloom, I assume she means.

Show, I hate you now.  WHY are changelings dangerous?  What was true and what wasn’t?  Bloom’s changeling nature is the central bleeping worldbuilding of this story and we get dragged around?

Next I see black SUVs, tell me it’s Silva and his army people coming to do cool competent stuff so I can like this show again!

Nope, it’s Stella’s mom.  Stella and Sky are waiting to greet her, Sky says it’s only half a day and Stella says, “Half a day of everyone adoring her like she’s literally the sun.”  Sky says, ‘She is the queen of light.” which is an awesome title.  She’s here to do an assembly about Burned Ones… what, like those  PSA assemblies we had about the dangers of drugs?  Hahahaha!  That kind of PSA might be more apt, I’m pretty sure there’s more drugs at this school than there are Burned Ones.

But Stella is terrified, I think, behind her Stellaishness.  Says her mom is really here to “check on my progress.”  Sky suggests getting the rest of the girls to be a buffer but Stella says, ‘I don’t need them.  I have you.”  But Sky can’t stay physically, he leaves Stella to meet her mom alone

Stella is wearing a long coat of pale pink with gold and diamond star barrettes in her hair.  I would love it if at the end of Stella’s character arc when she grows past whatever it is that’s squeezing the life out of her, she’ll switch to bright bold colors and teenage rather than middle-age fashion to celebrate her freedom.  At the moment it makes sense that she dresses rather dumpy and too-mature, she’s dressing under pressure.

The black cars, they’re not all SUVs, pull up.  there’s a flag, faded blue above, red below split by a diagonal line with some kind of crest in the middle.  Solarian flag?  No yellow, no sun or moon.

Stella’s mom looks noting like Queen Luna, she looks like a middle aged lady with brown hair, her hairdo and clothing juuuuust like Stella’s! In season 8 the real Stella designed a dress after her mother’s gown out of love, but I think this Stella dresses like her mother because of pressure.  Also there’s nothing queenly about the queen. She’s wearing a business skirt and jacket, big chunky necklace, no crown.  Political royalty not magical royalty.  She gives Stella a kiss on the cheek and says, ‘You look stunning.” and Stella grins.

In the greenhouse Harvey, Terra and Sam hang out.  Where’s their mom? Harvey wears a wedding ring but no mom in sight.  Harvey is working on a special project, filling a vial with something.  Terra asks if she can help but Harvey says he’s got this.

Dane comes to see Terra.  Both her family members give Dane a serious Look.  Heh.

Terra: “Whilst I appreciate that it is the historical perspective of the patriarchy to save women from upsetting situations, I’ve got this.”

Props to Terra’s actress for delivering that in a not at all groan-y way. Every time this show tries to be woke it is groanworthy and awful and they should just not, but every time the actors pull it off.  

So Dane says “You didn’t answer my texts… you’ve been really great to me...” and Terra shuts him down!  “Yeah I have.  I’m a good person, Dane.  I think you are too, but I’m not really sure I care to find out.  Anymore.”  and leaves him with “A word of advice.  Be careful who you trust.”  

Sam: ‘Still kinda want to punch him.”  Heh.

Harvey gets a text and takes his project off to meet the queen.  When he’s gone Terra immediately goes to his workstation to check out what he’s up to.  

The queens party goes to Callan’s office, which is now Aisha’s office.  Aisha greets the queen, whose name is actually Luna!  And she knows Aisha’s name, but does not need any help.  The adults go into Dowling’s office to talk.  

Aisha accidentally knocks some papers off the desk then, grumpy at this spying job she’s taken on and isn’t having any luck with, slams a filing cabinet door.  And finds something.  A mechanical ring the size of a jewelry ring, stuck in between two parts of the filing cabinet.  Aisha thinks it’s part of the cabinet, but then it begins to whir and she hears voices.  It’s the receiver for a bug!  Callan bugged Dowling’s office and now Aisha can listen in on the adults!

Only she… hides the receiver back under the cabinet?  

The only thing she overheard was the fact that Callan is dead.  Seems that Dowling’s telling everyone he left for a family emergency. Aisha tells Bloom this and Bloom is even more keen to get at those old records, from before Dowling became headmistress.  Maybe they’re in the east wing, and everyone’s going to be at this mandatory assembly so now would be the perfect time!

Aisha says it’s a bad idea.  Bloom says it’s a better idea than getting stared at by everybody and “I can’t just sit and listen to people make stuff up about me.”  

WHAT are they making up?!  I wanna hear these rumors!

Anyway Aisha is finally convinced to cover for Bloom, say she was too sick to come to the assembly.  But for reasons of Plot Beatrix was right above them on the upper walkway so she knows where Bloom’s off to.

Gorgeous outdoor shot of the castle.  Pardon me while I look it up… it’s a stately home!  You can go there, they have a farmers market and everything!  Ok, mark that down on my travel list between my Lost Crown tour of Polperro and my Higurashi tour of the real Hinamizawa…

Whilst I dream of seagulls and cicadas, Bloom is back in the dark east wing past a keep-out looking for clues.  Sky catches her!

Beatrix is outside looking for Bloom.  Riven catches her.  She says, ‘mandatory assembly’s a mandatory ditch.”  they pass a keep-out sign on some big doors as rain begins to fall.

Mysterious big doors in the school!  Another Winx Club sort of thing here at Elemental Academy.

In the cafeteria benches have been put in for the assembly,  Lots of students chat and the adults talk together.  Outside the arched windows we see bright blue sky.  Are the windows enchanted?  That’d explain why I never know if it’s day or night around here!

Queen Luna walks in her heels on a sort of stage in front of the windows. She holds up her hand and snaps her fingers and the light in the room goes purple and the sunlight streaming in from outside dims as if dusk has fallen outside.

Stella, wearing a brighter pink coat and double star pin, sits in the very front between two of her mother’s bodyguards.  The pin could be just because of Stella’s name, but in Winx Solaria does have two suns.  I like this pin, for Escape to Witch Mountain reasons, so I looked it up.  Stella’s pin is gold but the silver version is… oh dear… three dollars on amazon!  Methinks this show spent its whole budget on the Irish castle!

Terra and Aisha admire the queen.  “Massively powerful fairy, zero ego, boss goals.  Bet it drives Stella crazy?”  Stella glances back. She can hear them.  

Musa and Sam are knee-nudging each other, it’s pretty cute.  They text with phones on laps, sam asking if Musa’s into all the sneaking around hiding their relationship from Terra.  He asks, ‘is it a kink?’ and Musa texts back, ‘Meet me after the assembly, you’ll find out.”  Tell me you two aren’t dumb enough to start Doing The Sex in the same suite Terra lives in too!  Maybe they’re just gonna hang out and make out.

Hilariously Queen Luna is saying, ‘I’m here to treat you like the adults you are” as these two plot that most teenage of plots, meeting up to have a good time!  Luna says she’s here to talk about the Burned Ones, it’s been years since one was sighted…

Terra nudges Musa.  “What’s Stella going through right now?  She’s miserable, right?”  Terra has noticed what I’ve been suspecting! Poor Musa, distracted from flirting with the cute guy, sighs a little and says a polite, ‘Please wait.’  

She turns her powers to read Stella’s emotions… but there’s interference.  Dowling is walking by and she’s using her mind powers as well!  Musa says, ‘This assembly isn’t just about the Burned Ones.  Something else is up.”  Harvey is standing in the audience and Dowling takes a position among the students also

Queen Luna is talking about, “...for decades, families and villages suddenly torn apart by one of these monsters that left our world in chaos...”

The teachers are here to scan for Callan’s killer, I assume.  Since it’s a mandatory assembly every student will be present… except for Bloom and Beatrix, who ditched!  Gee, I hope Beatrix doesn’t try to pin it on Bloom!  But how could she when Dowling can read minds?

Back with Bloom and Sky, Bloom says she was born in 2004—the year Winx Club was first broadcast, seventeen years ago!  Our beloved show, may it survive to see eighteen.  Bloom’s idea is to look for pregnant teen fairies in the class photos, and she has oddly specific details to look for: baggy clothes, girls holding books in front of bellies.

There’s some conversation about how Bloom is tired of being whispered about and wants to yell at people they’re all assholes, and Sky agrees that most people are but you have to find the good ones.

Then he finds a picture of adults.  His dad is in it, along with Rosalind, Dowling, Silva and Harvey.  Bloom says, “you look like him” although we don’t really get a good look Andreas at the photo.  Sky mimicks Silva’s accent, “And act like him, and maybe one day if I work hard enough I can be half the warrior he was.”  Heh.  Bloom also giggles at the accent.

Sky also said, ‘his commander was a woman” presumably Rosalind.  So Rosalind was a leader of soldiers.  Was she a fairy or a specialist?

Bloom asks if it’s weird that everyone knows his dad better than he did, and Sky says ‘Alfea’s been my home my entire life” so I guess he grew up here with Silva being much more father than mentor. Wonder what happened to Sky’s mom.  They’re having a nice moment and here come Riven and Beatrix to join the party!

Back in the assembly, Musa scans the adults.  Dowling and Silva are on edge, and Harvey is really scared.  Terra says her dad was making something with the crystals from the vessel, so he was putting crystals in a little vial.  A magic tracking device.  Now Dowling’s got it.

Queen Luna is saying, ‘conflict is now on the horizon!  We are tracking at least five Burned Ones throughout Solaria.  The threat is serious. And growing.”

Back in the vaults B says, “people who think history is rubbish are rubbish.  Don’t be rubbish”  Ah Beatrix, there’s the like 10% of your personality that I like!  Then she reverts to the other 90% and suggests Bloom and Sky were down here to have The Sex.  Riven says nah, Sky’s not that interesting.  Bloom, who heard all that, says ‘But we were alone and that was pleasant.”  Heh.

They find a locked door.  Sky says he can ask Silva what’s behind it but bloom wants to get through now.

Riven: ‘The more you say no the more she wants it.  Give in.”

Beatrix: “Do we need to have a talk about consent?”

The more this show throws woke verbiage into random conversations the less woke it looks. 9_9

Bloom sensibly: “Why are you guys down here, again?”

Anyway Beatrix says she’s on Bloom’s side, which I do not believe for a minute.  Bloom says no thanks, don’t need help from someone who posted a nasty video about terra, Beatrix says she was an innocent bystander which I do not believe for a minute, and says Bloom should be mad at riven for starting the Changeling rumors.  Bloom and Sky look at Riven.

Riven: “Not exactly the way I thought you’d screw me today, B.”

Sky if it’s true, Riven flees to escape a lecture from “Saint Sky” and Sky goes after him to deliver the lecture.

And he does, out in the rain.  Riven says he really likes Beatrix, that B is the only one who likes him the way he is.  That Sky thinks he’s better than riven.  And that Sky should maybe not be talking about bad life choices while he’s chasing Bloom while still having Stella.  Sky says that’s not what’s really going on and Riven says that’s what everyone else sees, including Stella.  And Riven says, ‘that’s probably why she told me Bloom was a changeling in the first place.”  And he walks off, leaving Sky in the rain with the knowledge that Stella is mean-girling Bloom.  Unsurprisingly.

Sky of Elemental Academy is having just as much trouble here as his animated counterpart keeps having with Diaspro!

Back inside the girls haven’t figured out what the adults are after. Terra finds it hard to believe they have “some big ulterior motive.” and Musa says, “people have more stuff going on than you’d think, especially parents.”  Heh.  Then she takes off for a snog session with Sam! Sam says he’s like to make their relationship public, but Musa likes the secrecy.  If everyone found out, she’d have to feel everyone’s reaction, ‘good bad, positive or negative.”  Sam says she has to feel it bu does she have to care?  And says being an empath seems to suck, which it sure does seem to!

Would “everybody” even care that they were dating?  I mean Terra would but at a school full of teenagers dating how many people would care?

I read a book… Burning Glass, about an empath so powerful that when a starving mob approached she let them in the gates because she forgot she wasn’t one of them, caught up in the mob’s need to get in to where the food was.  She didn’t just feel people’s emotions, she acted on them because she couldn’t tell which of the things she was feeling were coming in from outside.  I keep thinking the writers are trying to imagine Musa like that and failing completely.

Over in the east wing Beatrix guessed that it was Rosalind who left bloom in the human world and Bloom realized that Beatrix lied the night of the party about not knowing who Rosalind was.  B says Rosalind was “a fierce bitch.”  I’m still feeling this great big hole where someone should say “Rosalind destroyed the Burned Ones in the war with her great magic.” or something and nobody says it.  Bloom knows Rosalind was headmistress before Dowling and is dead, we viewers know Rosalind is not dead, did something important with the Burned Ones, and has an evil face.  I dunno, like the changeling thing it feels like there are these weird blanks in what the show is giving us.

Beatrix suggests Bloom light the locked door on fire as a way to get it open. She knows Bloom’s powerful enough.  Bloom says power is not the problem, lighting the whole school on fire is the problem.  Then sky texts and Bloom lies and says she’s not down here anymore which will definitely be back to bite her later.  She suggests she could “fry” the hinges off the door, but Beatrix has already picked the lock.

With a machine custom made for picking locks, not with bobby pins.

On the other side of the door they find… a war room.  A round sand pit that, when B enchants it, the sand lifts up to create a miniature of the school.  Beatrix calls it, “A place where dangerous, shady-ass people decide who lives and who dies.”

Dowling is giving Stella a magic lesson.  She creates an arc of colored light between her hands, mimicking the chains on her brooch.

Queen Luna is not impressed.  A little mini rainbow is not much of a display of power.  Luna and Dowling proceed to ignore Stella and talk over her head.  Luna sent Stella back to be “fixed”--the same word Stella used about bloom after she taught Bloom the way of the Sith—after the “incident with Ricki.”  Dowling says rehabilitating magic is a process and it takes time.  Luna: “would you like me to recite the list of threats we’re facing while you take time?”

Me! I would!  1)Burned Ones 2)???  And how much can one fairy do about them?

Stella tries to interrupt and Luna says, “Do not speak when I’m speaking.  Solaria is the strongest realm in the Otherworld, she is its heir, an extension of that strength.”  Stella protests that it’s working, she is getting stronger, and her mother just snaps at her not to speak again.

Stella says she blinded a Burned One and Dowling has her back, praising her for how skillfully she did it.

Queen Luna makes a full illusion, disappearing the room and leaving Stella in a VR forest.  With wind-howling sound effects, not sure how light did that!    Stella is terrified.

Queen Luna: ‘when you control light you control what people see.  And despite what anyone says matters in this world, appearance is everything.  You know that better than anyone, Farah.  Especially given my efforts to help you maintain them.”

Dowling just says they’ve both done a great deal to preserve Solaria’s reputation.  Hmm!  That’s interesting!  And she lets Stella go.

Outside the office, Aisha is working at her desk.  She asks Stella if she’s ok and Stella says of course she is, but Aisha’s using the listening device again!  She overhears Queen Luna basically threatening to have Dowling removed as headmistress!

Outside in the still cloudy day, Sky is taking his mood out on a punching bag.  He gets a text from Stella saying, “She’s a monster.” before Sky can go give her some much deserved sympathy Silva walks past demanding an update.  On what?

In the greenhouse Harvey is worried.  His magic bottle, which is very pretty, didn’t work.  Terra comes to ask if everything’s ok and he yells at her, then apologizes.  Terra turns to go then turns back and asks, ‘if there was something going on you would tell us wouldn’t you?”  and Harvey lies and says of course he would.

Aaaaaaaand now I’m looking up potion bottles on amazon wondering if this prop is also something I can have.  Not obviously.

Terra, Musa and Aisha are talking about it in the suite.  Aisha is sure the grownups are doing what they think is best.  Terra would rather just be told there’s a secret rather than be lied to.  But they do work it out.  The crystals read magic, there’s a dead person, the adults were looking for someone who kills by magic but didn’t find them.

Then Sky bursts in looking for Bloom.  The girls ask if Silva told him what’s up, but Sky is out of the loop.

Terra: “Dowling’s assistant died, the faculty think a fairy did it. They held the assembly to find out which fairy, but they didn’t because he or she wasn’t there, so now we don’t believe or trust literally anyone.”

Sky: “Shit.”

Sky, smart cookie that he is, realizes immediately that it’s Beatrix.

The murderess and Bloom are reading scrolls in the war room—in the DARK, everything’s shadowy how are they even reading?

In 2004 Rosalind was “leading the crusade against the Burned Ones” Beatrix says so finally there’s that laid out.

Bloom was born December 12 2004, just like the real Bloom.  Beatrix seems oddly interested in that fact.  I’m beginning to have a suspicion.

Bloom’s phone is blowing up with messages but she’s busy reading.  Beatrix stealth zaps bloom’s phone to break it so she doesn’t get Sky’s warning call.  

Rosalind was in a place called Aster Dell.  This also seems to interest Beatrix, who suggests they just go there right now.  She knows where it is, it’s not far.  Bloom has a rush of common sense to the head and hesitates to leave school with someone she barely knows but Beatrix points out that they’ve already broken into a secret war room and maybe now is not the time to stop before they get somewhere. Not completely without a point there, so Bloom agrees.

Sky finds Riven and demands the whereabouts of “The unstable sex addict who’s been leading you around by your dick.”  Pfft!  Also, not very understanding after Riven admitted he really does like Beatrix and feels accepted by her.  But Riven doesn’t know, anyway.

Stella bursts in, “I sent you twenty texts and you’re here looking for Bloom?”  And Riven gets to say, ‘Have fun with that!” as he escapes.  Sky blames Stella for starting the changeling thing, Stella says, “I didn’t want to hurt her.” which is not true.

Sky: “You say you don’t want to be like your mother but all I see is someone who treats others exactly the same way that Luna treats you.” And he says he’s done with this.

Harsh but true.

Beatrix stole a car.  Bloom is very impressed!  Heh.

The other three girls have had a rush of common sense to the head and gone to Dowling to tell her about Beatrix.  Dowling’s first response is to ask why Bloom was down there but Terra pulls out their deductions and says “can we please drop the bullshit?” and when her father tries to stop her she calls him out for putting them in danger by not telling them!  Go Terra!  Silva comes in to tell them someone knocked out one of the queen’s guards and stole an SUV.

Beatrix must be extremely badass to take out a bodyguard!  we’re only in episode 4 but I don’t think she’s planning on coming back to school after this.

Black SUV drives on a dirt road between trees.  I do love how there seem to be no other buildings and no paved roads in the Otherworld.  I guess I’ll take what worldbuilding I can get.

Bloom and Beatrix have arrived at an absolutely stunning location, a cliff over the sea.  Bloom wonders if this is the right place.  Isn’t Aster Dell supposed to be a town?  Then she realizes there are skulls at her feet among the heather.

But no time to ponder it, Beatrix is getting lightningy!  She throws lightning—shorting out an invisible barrier concealing ruins. Aster dell was a peaceful town until it was attacked by Burned Ones and “a military unit from Alfea” decided to go all scorched earth on the place and killed everybody.  Queen Luna set up the illusion to hide the ruins.  “Leader of our realm tried to cover up a war crime.’

Beatrix says this is where she was from, and where her family died.  Two days before Bloom’s birthday.  This is where Bloom is from.  Rosalind rescued Beatrix too, and gave her a memory of the Alfea adults destroying the town.  Rosalind was the only one of the adults with a conscience about killing innocent people.

Bloom protests, the adults are lying but they aren’t monsters.  I’m skeptical too, because us viewers know that Beatrix is Beatrix and has said all sorts of things. 

On the drive back Bloom asks Beatrix if she’s a changeling too, but no.  Rosalind left B with “a close friend” and Bloom in another world.  Bloom asks why Dowling would recruit her as a student after killing her family and Beatrix says she doesn’t think Dowling realizes yet what Bloom is, and Bloom shouldn’t tell her.

Bloom: “Which is exactly what you’d say if you were making this up.  To keep us from comparing notes.”  go Bloom!   Beatrix asks what she has to gain from making up a story about murderous teachers, and the two of them can work together to find out more.  Rosalind is alive and imprisoned at Alfea, and Beatrix came to break her out.

...for “him”?  Mysterious “him” not mentioned yet.  And where does the return of the Burned Ones fit in?  Hmm.  I admit my main reason for not believing Beatrix’s story is that it’s Beatrix telling it.

Also in these sorts of stories the birth parents are never dead.

But no time to ponder it, the teachers are here!  They stop the car, Dowling slaps some magical cuffs on Beatrix and Silva and Harvey grab Bloom.  They deliver her back to Alfea into a group hug from her suitemates.

The girls were worried that Bloom was off with a murderer but they heard that from the adults who Bloom just heard are liars and murderers themselves.  We know the adults are telling the truth about Callan but Bloom doesn’t.  Sky is there, also worried that she’d been kidnapped by Beatrix—but Silva calls him away.  Paranoia intensifies.

As they head for bed Terra rants about her dad lying to her and acting like it was for her own good.  Terra ends with, ‘you don’t lie to people.  Not if they matter.’

And Musa feels guilty and spills the beans about her and Sam!  It’s been weeks!  Terra bursts into giggles and hugs Musa and says Sam looks just like their dad and he went bald early.

Looking down from the walk they see the queen’s guards rolling Stella’s suitcases towards the door.  The one thing the two Stella’s have in common apparently is their love of lots of luggage!  Yep, Stella’s been moved out.

Stella is in the car.  Back home her mother will teach her.

Stella: “You could’ve let me say goodbye to my friends.”

Luna: ‘”They’re not your friends, Stella.”

Which, evil mum kinda right.  Apart from taking out a Burned One together, every interaction between Stella and the others has been nasty and catty and mostly Stella’s been avoiding them whenever possible. They aren’t friends.  They might be later, but they sure aren’t yet.

Beatrix has been thrown in a cell.

Silva locks the door—with Sky there watching, and I’m sure Silva’s trust in Sky will come back to bite him later.

Then interesting conversation.  Silva asked Sky to keep an eye on Bloom, and now he wants Sky to get all the details of what just happened out of bloom and report back.  Silva actually says the “a soldier’s job is to take orders” and “your loyalty is to me, no one else.” which, I like you Silva but that is the wrongest tack you could take right now!  Silva is very scared and it’s making him make bad choices.

Bloom has gone to Dowling’s office to ask what she did to Beatrix.  The cuffs were “runic limiters” which prevent a fairy from using magic.  Bloom says ‘They were barbaric” and “You tore her skin open.” which I guess the cuffs did kinda burrow into her skin.

Dowling is just worried if Bloom’s ok and then asks what they talked about. Bloom says it was just a joyride, she and Beatrix talked about clothes and boys.  Bloom leaves.

Dowling immediately phones up Bloom’s parents on Earth and says Bloom’s been having a bit of trouble and would they please report to her if Bloom says anything weird.

Sheesh. Could these otherwise smart, capable adults who have years of experience with teenagers be handling this any worse?

Well that was… something.  Terra is badass.  Stella’s mom is exactly like I expected her to be.  Beatrix spilled a lot of important Plot and I’m sure some of it was true and some of it wasn’t.

Next time on Elemental Academy!  Will the girls rescue Stella from evil mum?  Will Bloom bust Beatrix out of the dungeon?  Will Sky be forced to choose between his father figure and his crush?  Will Bloom’s parents accidentally betray her?  And what’s Riven gonna do now that his smoking and boinking buddy is under arrest?  Half the cast is being set up to make some really dumb life choices!  Tune in next time!

#fate the winx saga