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sweetobseesion · 2 years

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WHY THE AUDIENCE FAILED TO UNDERSTAND HAE SOO: PART 1

*If u do not agree with my views on Hae Soo and think that she’s undeserving or not well written character , I hope you can still read this post .This is a post that is meant to analyse Hae Soo and defend her. I’m writing this based on my personal observations after seeing so much hatred and vicious name-calling against her character, so it will be a bit emotionally charged.

In part one, I will analyse the audience expectations for her character with a detailed look into the circumstances and her position in the drama to give better insight into her choices.And in part two, I might delve into analaysing her as a character

Out of every single post I’ve ever read written about Moonlovers, from the absolutely cynical to the intense emotional ones, they all seem to have one thing in common: A disdain and displeasure towards Hae Soo for seemingly not living up to their expectations: being weak, too kind, not cunning enough, being undeserving of the male leads and not “loving” or “understanding" of the male leads. I suppose the above-mentioned reasons are enough to hint to explain why I’m writing this post. Thee are so many expectations that she has been placed with that she cannot satisfy all of them, at least without breaking character consistency.

To understand where these expectations come from I think people need to look deeper into the stories and media we consume. I think if when examined, it will become apparent that most stories are set up around this epic battle that the leads are supposed to win. I believe by seeing stories like this through and through audiences easily root whoever they think are likely to come out on the winning side. The other supplementary characters are always decided if they are “good” or “bad” if they are on the heroes’ side. But the thing is, the whole story of the hero and journey to success is always skewed towards his perspective, and since he’s the winner he’s always painted as the good person. He's painted to be too good to the point that they sometimes lack flaws. The plot sometimes is designed to let them get away with anything and they always have the best lines, best timing, best entrance etc..just to get the audience to root for them.

In regards to moon lovers, in the beginning, it was touted as a show that this was a show about the fight for the throne where one would emerge the winner: The one who has it all. And Hae Soo a modern woman from the twenty-first century gets thrown into it, without a choice or resolution.

The reason I’m bringing that up is that there’s little true analysis and efforts to understand her perspective underneath and I find that it contributes to more misunderstandings of her character.

Back to my point about stories making you root for winners or those who “ potentially” seem like they have it under control, who’d win. They’re relatable and easy to root for, and do not require deep thoughts on in-depth analysis on why they make the choices they make. It’s easy entertainment.

But moon lovers is not easy entertainment. It’s a show that requires you to take a step back and look at the circumstances of each and every minor character, to fully understand the motive of their actions, as it easily spells it out like most kdramas do.

So, when one takes a step back, lets go of their anger, and takes a look at her circumstances, they realise that her actions actually make a lot of sense. Hae Soo or Ha Jin is a modern woman stuck in the tenth century and she is out there, without her consent. A lot of people call her dumb and ditzy for her antics when she first arrives in Goryeo.

But the thing is, in the case of transmigration, no Modern person will adapt to it as easily , because let’s face it, any Modern person that transmigrates back in history will have trouble adapting into those times, and they will make mistakes and they will have a hard time adapting.

No matter how smart they are, they will not appear as smart or reasonable to the people of that era, because to them their ideas wouldn’t make sense.

. This is why when Hae Soo makes mistakes by the count, it’s not unnatural or “dumb”, it’s the most realistic reaction anyone who got transported to an era thousands of years back will have. Her making mistakes is natural and is a very realistic depiction.

She tries to adjust by observing and make her time in Goryeo worthwhile by developing authentic human relationships and finding a hobby that she can develop. Which is fair enough and not a bad strategy for trying to fit in. Since the beginning she has trouble fitting in because she hasn’t grasped the social sanctions of that time, we find that she treats the experience with a sense of curiosity and fascination, which also in my opinion is quite accurate for a person who’s travelled back in time. People get frustrated yes, but the thing is for one to adjust to its surroundings they should get comfortable with it.

She takes in her Cousin’s advice and tries to fit in, finds a hobby and tries to adapt her passion for cosmetics in Goryeo society. She never intends to hurt her cousin in any way but she finds herself getting attracted to Wook because he seems kind, safe and trustworthy. She doesn’t have anyone to depend on and he seems very dependable and eager to help her settle in. Wook is very attracted to her because she seems very different from the women around him and she is very carefree and cheerful, which excites him and intrigues him.

Many people blame Hae Soo for hurting Myung Hee, but the thing is unlike Soo, Wook actually understands the social sanctions of his time and knows about his wife’s feelings very well. He knows how it affects him and he proceeds with it anyway. And he does know how dangerous it is for Hae Soo. While Hae Soo doesn’t know how dangerous it is for her reputation, she only avoids it to not hurt her cousin. The people around Hae Soo rarely give her good advice on how to deal with life in Goryeo and more focus ed on what she can offer and how she can cheer them up or play with them. Only Myung Hee cares about her as a person and for her safety.

The Princes that care for her do try to help her, but what they all do create more problems for her. They are happy to be entertained by her and play with her, but when it comes to helping her they are powerless. In some cases, where they do try to help, it always ends up backfiring and they end up digging up their own grave and in those cases, Hae Soo ends up taking the bullet for both herself and the princes. This is very clearly demonstrated when she was to be married off to the king. The princes try to help her but end up angering the king and she has to cut off her wrist to save both herself and the princes.

Notice how the King immediately forgets his anger at the princes and all the focus shifts to Hae Soo, who’s being blamed for the whole ordeal. And what’s worse is that is SHE IS WILLING TO PAY THE PRICE. This is a very important element of her character and I believe it is basically the reason why she was bought to Goryeo. So that she could be easily used and exploited. Whoever or whatever it was that brought her here, brought her here so that she could be used to influence and made to take responsibility that she is not responsible for. It/They know that Hae Soo is not the type to seek vengeance or develop greed at any given moment. A slight tug at her guilty conscience and she stops herself from doing anything she set out to do. And this sets up her circumstances and explains her actions throughout the show.

Unlike her Chinese Counterpart Ruoxi, Hae Soo is not allowed complete control of the scene and she is not given the privilege of being involved in politics and certain luxuries that Ruoxi was given. In the Cdrama, people listened to Ruoxi and took her input on many things and right from the beginning, many characters willingly gave her agency that its clear the plot is set up for her to shine. Her character is technically written to give her spotlight in many scenes and she easily fits into the “Strong female lead”. But Hae Soo on the other hand is shut down the moment she enters the Palace. Everyone from the King, Court Lady Oh to Yeonhwa is keen on reminding her to “Know her place” and focus on being a servant and to stay away from the Princes.

People expect her to change, to become the woman that can survive the throne politics and model herself around it so that she could become “queen” material and live happily with Wang So. But the thing is, to see why she never became ‘queen”, instead of solely judging her and hating her, one needs to look at her circumstance, her personality and the situations she was put in to get the full idea.

From the beginning, her life in the Palace was fraught with disasters. The only thing is unlike Wang So, she did not get all gloomy or complain about her hard her life is. Since she always is so positive, people often overlook the struggles she went through. All she wanted was a peaceful life, different from the life she’s led before and she wants to do it her own way, with independence and freedom.

The thing is the audience love to criticise her for not ‘having ambition’ but the thing is she cannot have ambition like the Royals do, precisely because, at the end of the day, she is not a Royal. She cannot openly scheme and show greed because if she did, her position will only become much worse. She will only be in even more danger if she vies for the throne while being close to the Princes while at the position of a servant. Besides, this is not a drama that is set in modern times where she can be all arrogant and sassy as she likes. If she were to act arrogant around people like Yeonhwa and Queen Yoo , then she is just giving them a reason to punish her as she lives in a time where I can be executed for offending a royal.

The entire drama goes on to Prove that the game of thrones is very much a royal game where only the Royals involved in the schemes tend to gain something.Every other servant (Chaeryung, lady that Yeonhwa bribed ) or clan member (Eun's family ) stand to lose everything by being affiliated with them and gain very little.

Bottom line is , when it comes to the choosing of a Queen, individual attributes do not matter as much as the birth status of a person (as in clan backing)which constitutes the main criteria for Queen selection because it guarantees troops and staus during emergency and power in court. It’s not just eliminating enemies at hand and taking the throne for herself. Because even if she were to become evil and eliminate Yeonhwa and Yo, she still wouldn’t be qualified to be Queen because she lost the backing of her clan when she refused Taejo and doesn’t have any other clan backing her up.

The only way she would have a fair chance at politics and become “queen material” is if she had agreed to marry Taejo and pulled a Wu Zetian, marrying his sons after his death. But then it would be a completely different drama, not to mention, it would totally distort Goryeo history.

It’s very clear that Hae Soo is put in a very dangerous and suffocating position and she has to fight for the little freedom that she can afford. Add complicated relationships and trauma on top of that, and the list is complete. The People around Hae Soo want her to play various different roles that suit them.

Besides, I highly doubt a romance of what would basically be an illicit affair between stepmom and stepson would be digestible because that's what it would be had she married Taejo.

Hae Soo& The people around her

In the show majority of the decisions she makes and the circumstances she ends up with can be directly linked to the people she cares about. As mentioned above, given her character, she always ends up taking the bullet for both herself and the princes, but her relationship with the princes is the sole reason why she gets bullied and framed.

Because of her relationship with the princes, all the forces in the palace manoeuvre against her starting from King Taejo, who deliberately kept trying to separate her from the princes. Queen Yoo, who kept trying to extort information from her, Wang Yo who used her and people like Yeonhwa, who saw her as a threat from the get-go.

But the relationship she has with each prince influences her and affects her differently.

The Princes are still very keen on maintaining a relationship that they used to have, while people like Queen Yoo are keen on using her as bait and extorting information from her, precisely due to her relationship with the Princes. While being close with the Princes does earn her some favours, it also puts her in danger and she easily becomes the target of bullying by her fellow Court Ladies.

Willingly ,she tries to help everyone and live for others. She thinks as long as she is kind, the world too will be kind to her. But inside the Palace, where everyone is out to get each other, her kindness makes her out to be the scapegoat more than anything else.

But to top that, her closeness with each prince makes her more vulnerable and stressed because each prince have their own expectations for and the role they wished her to fill. Eun, Baek Ah and Jung wanted her to play a friend, Wook wanted her to be a lover, So wanted her to be a confidante and the crown prince wanted her to cure him. And she had to balance all of it besides being a court lady.

So, to stay closer to them should she have been more ruthless? The answer is more complicated than it seems, but I think there’s more it than what appears and I think to look into why Hae Soo cannot say no to them and be ruthless, we need to look into her social standing.

Ha Soo's Position as a court lady

Like I've mentioned before, Hae Soo's chances of becoming Queen are affected by her being demoted to court lady and all it took to become a queen in those times, is to be the daughter of an influential family. It doesn't matter if she's cunning, beautiful or dumb, if her family is powerful, she can marry into the Royal family. But now that she's a court lady, she cannot marry into them and for worse, she is now their servant. What’s way Worse is, she's a servant who has powerful enemies and lovers who can not help her in any way.

If she were to scheme, like the others suggest, she has to be very alone in it because her Princes can not help her. Remember how they reacted when she was kneeling? Even Wang So can only do so much because even he has to remain in good graces with the king. She was and still is spied upon by many people, all of whom were eagerly watching her every move so it will not be easy for her to simply plot and frame someone. Because at the end of the day, to plot or scheme, you must have a powerful family and a title to back you up.

Notice that all the great schemers in the series are powerful, with a powerful family or person to support and protect them. And it’s important to take into context that Queen Yoo, Yeonhwa, Wook are all people of power, who have nothing but endless free time to sip tea, sit at the library and devote it all to their schemes.And if caught, they will never be properly punished because “reputation of the royal family”. At worse, they'll face an exile.

But Soo gets framed and she is tortured before people can confirm her part in the crime. And though there's little evidence, she is still sent to be executed.

But other than the precarious position she is in, unlike the royals she doesn't have time in her hands, because again, she is a court lady. And as a court lady, she is to fulfil tasks and duties every day and tend to the demands of those living in the palace.

The audience seems to have an extreme expectation of her but I don't blame them. After all, it's hard for them to grasp the reality of the situation because it isn't spelt out. But at the end of the day, there's only so much she can do. No one can balance the duties of being a court lady, fill the expectations of being the most devoted passionate lover while remaining an ingenious schemer who plots to end her enemies. No one has the energy, time or thinking ability to do so.

Queen Yoo and Yeonhwa can scheme so well because they have nothing but time to devote themselves to it. They live a pampered life where their every need is catered to by servants. Hence, they can dedicate all their time and energy to scheming effortlessly.

But Hae Soo already has a lot going on her plate than any other character on the show. She is a modern person stuck in medieval times, a court lady stuck between multiple princes, a court lady caught in schemes of people above her, stuck helplessly in love with people she cannot be with. Yeah, it's safe to say what she's essentially playing here is a losing game. It's a game she cannot win, nor is it a game that allows her to make any moves. Because unlike what most viewers, including myself, assumed in the beginning, things would not have changed if she became more "ruthless".

Hae Soo's position in the game of thrones

As mentioned above, her position in the game of thrones cannot be through an official position. She cannot scheme and bribe servants easily like the royals do, because, at the end of the day, she herself is a servant. From the position of a servant, she can only influence others and give her words and advice. The closest she can ever get to being a member of the Royal family is if she settles into being one of the many women of the King. She cannot become queen and she does not have the power to be a major player in schemes.

But besides that, I have to emphasise the fact she is someone who's already been framed multiple times before with spies around the corner, watching her every move. She has been a target and she still is a target under the eyes of many and is still being closely watched. So if she were to continue to stay in the palace or resort to scheming and come up with ideas and plots to destroy others what it means is, she has far fewer chances to get away with it than others. And if she were to be caught she would be subjected to far harsher punishments than the others, because she doesn't have the power or privilege to allow her to get away with it. She has far better chances of getting caught than getting away with it, and in the most realistic scenario she would just end up supplying her enemies with what they'd been hoping from her all this time: a legit reason to punish her and kick her out of the palace.

So for her , the question of what can she do is really a question of what is allowed to do with little power and freedom she is afforded. She doesn't have the power or privilege, nor does she have the freedom to pursue her own selfish desires out of her own free will like the others in the drama. Though moonlovers is a love story and drama of political intrigue, it doesn't forget the class and unequal social structure of it times and all the characters in the show either benefit from it or are affected by it. While Queen Yoo and Yeonhwa benefit from this unequal, patriarchal system that allows them to get away with it while avoiding suspicion, Soo and Court lady Oh live a life where they keep getting crushed under it. The affection they receive from the King makes them a target of the Palace women and servants alike, while affecting their reputation and making them an easy target of many. They cannot scheme when they barely have any power to protect themselves.

So the best they could do is stay relatively calm, grounded and safe while they stick to their convictions and choices. And that's exactly what Soo does, she stays calm and grounded while sticking to her convictions and choices. She never pressures anyone to doing anything and she never compromises herself in any situation. She only ever comes close to scheming and supporting someone when it comes to So, and she does it out of love.

Hae Soo the empathetic mediator

Out of everything Hae Soo has been through, being the mediator between the princes influenced her life and position the most. It was definitely a decision she made on her own accord, but it was definitely the reason she was bought all the way from the future to this place to meditate and serve as the catalyst for the things that are about to happen.

Her empathy sets her apart from the rest of the characters. Many complain about her lack of a backbone to pursue her own selfish desires, but in my opinion, I think the position she was placed in and her instinct to help and assist others contributed to the very illness that ate her sense of self and her health away. Unlike what most others think, it's not that she lacks an indomitable spirit or a sense of judgement and practicality, it's just that position she was placed on consumed her and destroyed the fiery and free spirit that she once possessed. That is why in the later parts of the drama she appears to be weak, unresponsive and almost characterless.

The weight of her position and the constant unrelenting demands it took coupled with the guilt and trauma and the blame that was always placed on her put her in a state of emotional numbness and withdrawal. I've seen people use this state of her being to cite or argue about how useless or weak she is as a character. The thing is, this is basically a trauma response to everything she's experienced in the palace. From the heartbreak, loss, bullying, torture to the constant pressure she has to face living every day in the palace, it's clear that it has taken a toll on her, causing her to burn out and break down. The weight of the burdens she has to carry is boundless, as since she is the mediator, she also has to carry the emotional burdens of others she cares about, causing her to pent up frustration to the point it becomes a life-threatening illness.

This is what Court lady Oh meant when she asked Soo if she could survive between two princes. Because being a mediator is essentially being the rope that is used in a tug of war between the princes, and she can never properly pick a side or a stance without facing the pull or force from the other side. When she picks So's side, Wook and Jung accuse her of favouritism, when she picks Jung and Wook's side So accuses her of, you guessed it, favouritism. But when she refuses to pick a side, she gets accused of not picking a side. It's pretty clear that whatever she does or chooses, she will always face consequences. For her, there are very few benefits to reap and little to gain. At the end of the day, no one can truly understand the pressure and precarious position she is in because they only see her from the outside. Her struggle is more psychological and internal. Unfortunately, this affects the relationships she has with the princes, most notably with So and Wook, as both of them perceive her mediator status as an act of betrayal.

Hae Soo the victim of royal greed and hypocricy

As I mentioned before, Hae Soo was brought her to accomplish something that people in Goryeo could not achieve. I mentioned how she's been bought here to be exploited and used. The thing is, as a modern soul involved in medieval court politics, her end was always destined to be tragic. There's a scene in ep 18 Jimong says this.

What he's essentially saying is this : Your selfishness will be the cost of everything that follows because of it.

So basically, according to Jimong, Hae Soo cannot afford to be selfish.

But the thing is, she is never acknowledged for her selfless efforts either and has nothing to gain from that too. So, she cannot be selfish but will gain nothing if she sacrifices herself for a bigger purpose.So at the end of the day, her choice is between what has the least tragic outcomes.

Based on what I've said above, from her position as a court lady to her role as a mediator, it is clear that she will never have the benefits and the privileges that other characters in the show might have most because, at the end of the day, she is a fish out of water. No one asks Yeonhwa, Yo or even So to be less selfish and "give up on things. Instead, they are encouraged to pursue their selfish interests.

But people will also never acknowledge her efforts or empathise with her struggle because doing so hurts their pride and exposes their mistreatment towards her. The people I'm referring to are of course the royals, who are keen to blame her and accuse her as the reason of everything that has happened in the palace. In both cases, both Jimong and the Royals hold her to a moral standard that they don't hold themselves to. Yeonhwa easily accuses her of warning her brother and betraying him while she literally did the same thing in a calculated manner while being fully self-aware and choosing that path. Yo willingly schemed, belittled and killed his brothers but blamed her for fixing Wang So's scar. They clearly made their own choices but they refuse to face the consequences for it. And each time it's always Hae Soo that is forced to bear the brunt of it.

And whenever she does something worthwhile it's always treated with envy and suspicion. Primarily, because the fact that a court lady is moving the palace is a threat to the social hierarchy in itself. But the fact that her mere presence and involvement in things forces them to grapple with the truth and the consequences they refuse to face is enough of a threat. So of course, they resort to blaming and lashing out at her because it's the easier thing to do.

And hence, as long as she lives in the Palace, she will fall victim to the double standards placed on her, while being constantly asked to give up things and do the maximum for the people who constantly abuse her. She will always live a life where she falls victim to the greed and hypocrisy of the royal family.

Even if she chose a more selfish and scheming life, besides being held accountable and poweless, she will probably be held to harsher standards than the others and will be blamed and punished.

This is why I think it's better for her to be selfless because while she gains nothing, she at least has a clean record. And her enemies don't have much ammunition left.

Going back to the discussion of "why the audience failed to understand her", I will say that this is not an attack or criticism against anyone of a different opinion. It's certainly a bit emotionally charged and is the result of my exasperation with the amount hate her character gets on the internet.

The thing is, her character is complex but she is not difficult to understand.To understand her character you just need to try to see things from her perspective, but as I was skimming and reading through way too many pages and blog posts dedicated to Hae Soo on the internet, I found that there were many who designated her character to be too "weak" or too "dumb" without even giving her the benefit of the doubt. The reason for titiling this post on how the "audience failed to understand her" is to analyse why many still refuse to give her the benefit of the doubt.

As I've mentioned above, most of the stories we see on screen is geared around rooting for the character who succeeds or "wins".

In those stories, there’s usually an objective and an obstacle, and the plot revolves around how the leads overcome them and “win”. They are usually given traits that are positive and make them “likable”.Especially if it’s a female character, there’s always a love line involved, which leads them to be put under the microscope and be judged for both the love line and the way they overcome the obstacles, thus having a double standard of judgement and perfection imposed on them. The bottom line is, a female character is only considered to be a “strong female lead” if she wins against the odds and achieves both love and power.

There’s this underlying expectation that asks them to play this role of a feminine, supportive lover in love and this practical, hard-headed ruthless pursuer of goals/ambition together all at once.And if the character ends up losing one of those or both, she’s quickly labelled a damsel in distress or a “weak character”.It’s like to be a “strong female lead” you have to win on both counts.But the thing is, this specific requirement , besides narrowing down the possibilities of exploring more complex characterisation, also makes it impossible for these characters to be vulnerable or flawed. Because their “strength” is linked their ability to achieve and remain undefeated.

And this pursuit of extreme perfection on both counts turns into this sort of trope and cliche and it leads to the audience having a bunch of expectations and fixed idealisms of how a “strong woman” should be, which is essentially the opposite of “weakness”. But the thing is, the concept of strength and weakness is quite abstract to begin with, and there's different strengths and weaknesses and there are different definitions and different measures of it.

But the truth is , years of commercialisation of this strong female lead trope has also led to the strong female persona becoming a trope. Usually a "strong female lead" without much substance is simply written to win and overcome a certain obstacle. She is usually "not like other girls" and is not into the typical feminine stuff, she is headstrong and brave , and is smart enough to save herself and throw in a smart punchline here and there.Besides, she very likely checks all the boxes that is considered attractive and "interesting" ,be it being funny or ambitious. What she doesn't have however is any noticeable character flaw or depth and contradictions that you would find in a real person. And though this is apparent , people find it easy to root for her because she ends up winning in the end.

The problem with these expectations, it sets a precedent in stone. Both for how characters behave in the story and how female characters are viewed in general. There's this expectation for female characters to fit into either of these two dichotomies: Either the '"strong female lead" or the naive "girl next door/damsel in distress".

This is why when characters like Hae Soo, people are so divided and she ends up being so misunderstood, with a pile of hate along her way. Hae Soo at her core is a complex individual who fits both into the definition of a strong female lead and the damsel in distress.Sure,she may not be your typical determined ,smart mouthed and organised who's effortlessly intelligent and always wins but at she's not the pliable, uncharacteristic predictable female lead who's purely a reactive figure dependent on other characters and circumstances to drive the plot and save her either.

In essence, she is a complex character with noticeable flaws, that technically posses traits of both "damsel in distress" and " strong female lead" as she's written to be real person than to fit into a wish fulfilling trope.Years of commercialisation and creating "girl boss" characters has sort of given more legitimacy to these strong female characters and have led to the assumption that these characters are infact, the true blueprint for more strong female characters to come.

However, it should be noted that this glorification of the unbeatable women is grounded in trivializing femininity and feminine traits and internalized misogyny. It focuses on simply defeating everything and becoming "stronger" , which has often allowed writers to simply write off any traumatic incident ,(be it muder, childhood trauma or most famously,sexual assault) the character goes through as some sort of initiation process they go through in order to become “stronger”.

If I were to give the audience the benefit of the doubt, there certainly should've been more than twenty episodes to explore the nuance of every character they want.

However, when it comes to analysing characters , it is also essential to take their circumstances into context. A lot of hate towards Hae Soo or other female characters in popular culture always is the result of people attempting to either put female characters into boxes or judge them based on their actions rather attempting to understand their position and perspective.

I'm not sure if its the result of internalized misogyny or the commonality of cliches and tropes in popular culture (or both) but what i've noticed is people love to put female charecters into boxes and then they hate\judge them for it.

And besides being written to fit into boxes, she is almost always written to be likable and wish fulfilling within the limits of that said trope. A good girl must be good but not too boring, a bad girl must be interesting but not crazy and smart girl must be smart but not too smart than the other characters in the show. And they must always have a love interest that they prove that they are always capable of being a loving partner. In case they dont have such a love interest, they will very likely be a side character.Without much change, for quite long, female characters on screen have always been judged and narrowly defined by their romantic pursuits and the “type” of female character they are written to be.

Also, a lot of hate towards Hae Soo also comes from the widely popular notion that she wasn’t a “good enough” partner to Wang So and blaming her for literally everything that happened in the game of thrones even though many characters are far more corrupt and complicit in the tragic outcomes of the power struggle. I believe this is because , besides not being the ideal romantic partner that stays together with the man she loves , she is also not the female character that the audience can vicariously live through to experience and express their love towards their favourite male lead. Sometimes when people like a male character too much , they put their expectations on the female characters to give them a romantic fantasy which involves her reacting to the male lead character exactly the way they would react. This is why many people complain about “not being able to understand her”.

Personally, this is why I find a character like Hae Soo to be so refreshing and likeable. To be contradictory, rather than a female character who is perfect, I quite like the idea of female character who is flawed and vulnerable. A female character who is not solely defined by an agenda or relationship, but has both of those and is complex , flawed , vulnerable and authentic is more definitive of well written , fully fleshed out character who makes her own choices, with or without regards to popular opinion.

Rather than a character who is behind her times , I think she is ahead. A lot of the hate besides internalised misogyny , biased expectations and the constant categorisation of female characters comes from the fact that she is not written to be wish-fulfilling character. A major expectation that contributes to the skewed /biased writing of female characters is the wish fulfilment attached to their likability/worth.

People expect female characters to fulfill atleast one of their wishes, be it winning or romance. A female character (like Hae Soo) who doesn’t win or achieve a happy ending is instantly casted of as worthless or “bad writing “. To them she is not a capable heroine simply because she is not worth rooting for.

This however begs the question that while she may not worth rooting for , is she however , worth the sympathy ? The reason I’ve written this tediously long post examining the circumstances that stopped her from getting what she deserved and analysing the various reasons that led to the audience hating on her hard is that when looking at many posts commenting on her character is that a lot of them fixated on hating on her without giving even the slightest benefit of the doubt. Not many posts that were critical of her tried to understand her character or circumstances and that is the thing that got me thinking .

I guess in a way it's a question of why character likability and their sympathetic outlook go hand in hand, especially for a female character, in order to gain sympathy they must be liked. Unlikable female characters are often targets for misogyny and vitriol , and it's that since they're unlikable, they can't be sympathized with.

But the thing is , unlikablity isn't limited to a particular definition. A character can be branded as unlikable under various circumstances. And sometimes it can be just that they don't act or react and make a choice that's not fan favourite, be it in romance or winning. Especially if that choice is self destructive, then it has a less chance of being forgiven,most notably in female characters. At the end of the day ,It's absolute truth that self destructive male characters will easily be forgiven more than female characters.Especially put in a romantic context with a fan favourite male lead .

This in my mind , poses as a dilemma because while I've heard people say it's up to the writer to properly flesh out a character, I think it's very likely that tropes and prejudices that we've been socialised into internalizing do influence the interpretation of characters and cause a widely different interpretations than intended.Sometimes, it can prevent us from empathising and reaching a full understanding of the character and their circumstances . So I guess the dilemma/or question that I have is , should it be to the writers or the audience to challenge this perception?

Personally I think it’s a two way street and we can’t leave it all to the writers to keep challenging the concept of a character because especially in kdramas and television, audience wish fulfillment plays a huge role as they are often taken into consideration. Even When Moonlovers was airing , many scenes were edited and scenes of Hae Soo were cut to accommodate more scenes of other characters and lead actors. So the truth is , what audience expect or react often influences the way a script is written.

And hence I think it’s possible that the reason Why many characters resemble a trope is because of the favourable reactions towards it . So when a character like Hae Soo, who isn’t written to achieve a fan favourite outcome or has self preservation as her top priority enters, people either struggle to understand her or hate her for not acting or achieving what they want or expect from her. She is new and is like a puzzle they don’t want to solve .

However , we should consider and be open to the fact that sometimes , stories aren’t meant to achieve a grand or happy ending and characters aren’t for the audience to cheer over . Sometimes we need something challenging and questionable or heartbreaking. And in stories like that, rather than rooting for the character or outcome, I think it’s better to understand , empathise and reflect on the story or characters involved. I think that’s the point of it. I always thought moonlovers was one of the stories , with the point of it being not who wins everything or gets what they wanted but rather an exploration of how people make choices and deal with them. How they reflect on it and make decisions that affect others and really, question the point of it all, from power to life.

So the point of understanding the drama is to understand the characters, not hate them or sympathise with them in a level where they seem to do no wrong. Doing this will make this drama seem more confusing and characters hard to understand because this drama unlike others is not designed to live up to expectations.

Sometimes when people say they want a character to develop, they want them to change completely and act in a way that eases their expectations. But with Hae Soo, as so many people hated on her / blamed her from the get go , I don’t see people instantly liking her character even if she changes to fill their expectations because they already hold grievances against her for not acting the way they wanted or “loving Wang So” as much “she should”. The only way to love and understand her character is to love her the way she is .

People pick sides and paint one character as good who’s so innocent and is only capable of doing the right thing / being the voice of reason while the other side is painted as evil / dumb and undeserving of the male lead and thus deserves everything bad happening to them .This at the end of the day is damaging because, especially in a relationship, no one is a saint and no one is truly a winner . Even if they leave the partner and find someone else, the personal issues that they have not fixed will crop up again .And a show like moon lovers can never be fully understood or gotten over if u don’t understand each characters struggle and view it like like it’s a good guy/ bad guy story where people win or get the “karma” they deserve.

In conclusion, I think we need to give characters the benefit of the doubt before we judge them so callously . Because sometimes such judgements can create misconceptions about the character and the story. Years of watching the same tropes play out in media have allowed us to hold certain expectations for characters and when they don't meet that expectations , it triggers a popular outcry.Especially in female characters, because for long they always have been written for wish fulfilling purposes. Most think they way treat or perceive fictional characters is harmless but the thing is, these perceptions mirror what's common in society. If we are comfortable harassing characters for failing to live up to our notions, then it means we still have a long way to go to when it comes to overcoming our own pre conceived notions in real life.And as long as we stick to the same tropes over and over and expect the same happy ending , the stories we consume will remain the same and to open up the venues for more different stories and drama, we should open our mind to the possibility that things aren’t always meant to progress the way we expect it to.

#kdrama #hae soo #mlshr #iu #moon lovers #wang so #scarlet heart ryeo #moonlovers:scarlet heart ryeo #haesoodeservedbetter #scarletheartryeo #Scarlet heart ryeo sixth anniversary #Had this in my drafts for long #just my honest take #so underrated #moon lovers scarlet heart ryeo #lee jieun

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dothwrites · 8 months

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PEACE OF MIND! PEACE OF MIND! (aka best episode ever)

cas really is an awkward dad coming to talk to his kid. and it's not going well. though he is more supportive of jack's snake than dean, which good for him (coming from someone who is DEEPLY uncomfortable around snakes) i forgot how worried everyone already was about jack's soul. i remembered dean and the ridiculous cake test but i didn't remember cas being this concerned

dean and cas having a conversation about jack and sam is really like cas is dean's second husband and sam is his stepson while jack is his and dean's child. if you get where i'm going. like, sam is DEAN'S kid, but jack is THEIR child. so they're having a conversation about their respective children, and they've cast themselves in roles of concerned parents

i can only assume that dean forced cas to watch all of the scanners movies since metatron would never lower himself to watch those movies. (this pleases me GREATLY) cas' saturday evening post line! there's something about cas drifting through the bunker late at night after everyone has gone to bed and looking through old magazines to soothe himself that is both incredibly soft, incredibly hilarious and incredibly poignant. he LOVES humanity! he's looking at an idealized version of the human condition in order to soothe himself. the rest of his loved ones are asleep and cas remains awake to watch over them but he still needs comfort, so he looks at old magazines. (i'm going to stop now but just know that this thought LIVES IN MY HEAD)

cas' "delicious" is wonderful here. he's such a wonderful dick. HIS HEAD EXPLODED. LIKE A RIPE MELON ON THE SUN. i love cas and i would die for him and he is the only character ever.

the irony of this woman saying "MORALS" to a degenerate homosexual angel of THEE lord... layers upon layers upon layers! and then cas mimicking the "shape and heft". he knows from personal experience. because he is a homosexual.

dean's cake test is so ridiculous. HE is so ridiculous. and his immediate REGRET after calling snakes "cool". the look of a man who just saw his whole damn life flash before his eyes. (it is established that dean does not care for snakes and finds them frightening. how much of this is because of a natural aversion and how much of this is because THEE indiana jones ALSO finds snakes off putting and scary?) RIDICULOUS MAN! RIDICULOUS MAN TESTING HIS KID WITH CAKE.

cas' consistent irritation with people is something that can be so personal, honestly. "the very tall man" laughing because misha looks so short next to jarpad but misha is actually pretty normal sized/tall

whoever the woman is who plays the wife, give her an emmy. she has FANTASTIC comedic timing. this whole scene is pure comedic gold. i remember laughing to the point of tears the first time i saw it. stop forcing jarpad to be a dramatic action hero. let him either be the villain or let him act in comedies! this is where he THRIVES! don't make him be a gritty action hero! he is not receiving enrichment in that environment!

i love when cas allows himself to be a terrifying badass. so much of the time he's masking his true nature for the comfort of the humans around him, but sometimes he just lets himself go and when he does, it's TERRIFYING!

we love a fight where cas is FINALLY allowed to be a badass. we LOVE IT. finally some good fucking food if you ever wanted to know why sastiel can never be a thing (sastiel fans i love and respect you) just look at this scene compared with the prisoner scene. sam and cas' scene is longer but my GOD is it lacking in the sexual tension and pathos of the prisoner scene. jarpad just does not have chemistry with men and that is okay because he is a heterosexual and they're necessary for the environment too!

"GOD HAS A BEARD" supernatural is A Show™

the implications that cas called dean to gossip about sam's cardigan and his faux marriage. insane. they're just chatting. because they're husbands. and they're married.

love that very ominous shot of cas lurking over jack's shoulder as he watches him kill the snake. it's very dramatic.

#doth watches spn

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doomxdriven · 6 months

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post 3-5 songs that remind you of your muse. repost, don’t reblog.

Jin Edition™

1. Metallica - The Unforgiven

what i've felt, what i've known \\ never shined through in what i've shown \\ never be, never see \\ won't see what might have been \\ never free, never me \\ so i dub thee "unforgiven" \\ he tries to please them all, this bitter man he is \\ throughout his life the same, he's battled constantly \\ this fight he cannot win, a tired man they see no longer cares \\ the old man then prepares to die regretfully \\ that old man here is me, yeah

2. Brand New - 451

i'm awake, there's no part to play \\ drinking drano, smoking grass, one under the pass \\ what we saw in the woods that day, repeat 60 cycle delay \\ swallow the pitch that flows from the earth \\ soft spot, lightning rod, my paint is peeling \\ a million suns won't fill you up if you can't see the wine flowing over your cup \\ last thread, dancing dead, one more time with feeling \\ pass the plate and you sit back down \\ go back to your hole in the woods under ground

3. Foo Fighters - All My Life

all my life, i've been searchin' for somethin' \\ somethin' never comes, never leads to nothin' \\ nothin' satisfies, but i'm gettin' close \\ closer to the prize at the end of the rope \\ all night long, i dream of the day when it comes around, then it's taken away \\ leaves me with the feelin' that i feel the most \\ feel it come to life when i see your ghost \\ and if i give it a twist \\ somethin' to hold when i lose my grip \\ will i find somethin' in there? \\ to give me just what i need? \\ another reason to bleed, one by one, hidden up my sleeve

4. My Chemical Romance - Foundations of Decay

see the man who stands upon the hill, he dreams of all the battles won \\ but fate had left its scars upon his face, with all the damage they had done \\ and so time with age it turns the page \\ let the flesh submit itself to gravity \\ let our bodies lay, mark our hearts with shame \\ let our blood in vain, you find god in pain \\ now, if your convictions were a passing faith, may your ashes feed the river in the morning rays \\ and as the vermin crawls, we lay in the foundations of decay

5. Taking Back Sunday - Bullet With Butterfly Wings

the world is a vampire, sent to drain \\ secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames \\ and what do i get, for my pain? \\ betrayed desires, and a piece of the game \\ even though I know - i suppose i'll show all my cool and cold - like old job \\ despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage \\ someone will say what is lost can never be saved

*. Honorable Mention - Chevelle - The Red (i mean how couldn't i list it, its literally the song on his character page lmao)

they say 'freak', when you're singled out \\ the red, well, it filters through \\ so lay down, the threat is real \\ when his sight goes red again \\ seeing red again \\ this change he won't contain

tagged by: @inun4ki TYSM FRIEND!! GOOD SHIT tagging: @glacialsin (or do i tag @mementohub ??) and uhhh tbh whoever wants to do this and actually read this far down go right ahead SDFHJGJGHSDFJSDGHFGHJDSFSDGHJ

#headcanons: jin #jin: dash memes #//i think i did a meme like this for jin a lonnnnnggg time ago but its okay its been a while and i like music memes #//i live for music and how it connects to shit #//SFJHSGDGDSHSGHJ #//but okay off to bed with me i spent way too much time on this tonight fSDFDSGH

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hufflepuff221b · 2 years

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So here comes the boring 'love triangle' rant. 🚨🚨🚨SPOILERS FOR ST4 VOL 2 AND NOT FOR JANCY OR JONATHAN BYERS FANS🚨🚨🚨

Let's start with Nancy. Here is a girl that, apparently, her only main purpose is whoever she may be in love with each season. Girl wants college, wants to be a reporter but it always come back to whether or not she wants Jonathan or Steve? How convenient for you Duffer brothers to have a female lead that you can throw two 'attractive' guys at and watch her bite her lip as she decided on who to choose.

Now blatant sexism aside I don't actually like Nancy. I liked her and Jonathan on first watch of season 1 but on rewatch I think he's pretentious dick and she had every right to call his bullshit for taking pervy pics of her and his reasoning. However her character went downhill from the moment in season 2 they decided to have her and Jonathan an official couple. I'm also slightly miffed that her and Steve never actually officially split up but hey she leapt into bed with Jonathan anyway 🙃after she's dicked him around for a while in a relationship that he was committed to and she was not. Now the Duffers have us believing that she may do it again with her 'resurfaced' feelings for Steve while she's with Jonathan still. It makes her a shittier character than she already is in my eyes.

Now Jonathan, ho boy where to begin? Pervy naked pics from a window, all his snide remarks about Steve even after they've fought the demogorgon together and Steve is trying to be better. Not to mention Steve taking Nancy dumping him like a fucking champ for the shifty eyed little weasel. I was actually starting to like him again in season 4 with Argyle and focusing more on his relationship with Will in vol 2 only for him to make that weak ass comment about leaving Steve in charge in episode 9. His little rat face all sniggering like Nancy would join in. Now my understanding is that she has never done that before and for once I was happy she was like 'um no he's actually matured'. But it's not the point, Jonathan clearly has such low self esteem on himself that he needs to belittle her ex and considering they got together by cheating thats probably why he suddenly asked if they were okay as a couple at the point in the episode, he's probably a paranoid wreck.

Well good he's a self righteous arsehole and while literally thee last thing I want in season 5 is for Nancy and Steve to get back together I hope she dumps his ass! (To quote the ever wise Max and El)

Finally Steve. Now as my favourite character I could be bias but I don't think I am when I say he had every right to be pissed off at Jonathan for taking those pics of Nancy and smashing his camera for it. Now I've seen a lot of posts saying it wasn't protectiveness it was possessiveness but I don't agree. Even from the very beginning of ST1 he pursues Nancy while his advice to Dustin in season 2 is keep them guessing. He's clearly already falling for Nancy hard before canon begins. The study scene when he doesn't push her shows that, only for him to act like a jealous jackass when he catches her with Jonathan later on.

The cinema scene is horrible and Jonathan had ever right to smack him for what he says about his family but as Flo says later on he smacks Steve 'for love', because he's jealous himself. Its no more protecting Nancy's honour than Steve smashing his camera.

Now Steve is a fan favourite so I get it there are a lot of bias for him even in season 1 but I don't forget that he was twat at points. However I also don't get why people vilify him for every single action either? He grows every season (within the shitty parameters of the Duffers development) where as Jonathan and Nancy never change, they are boring especially when they work together.

Look at Nancy and Robin's relationship this season, I don't like Ronancy as a ship but they were brilliant together. Which is why the weird stilted Steve/Nancy thing felt forced to me this season. Are the Duffers saying that ex's are incapable of working together without magically falling into each others arms again?

They do Steve dirty every season with bullshit story arcs that focus on his sex life and how many times they can beat the shit out of him. To the point where they gave him the cringy scene about his dream of travelling the country with a massive family. It's actually a nice sentiment but it can't be focused on the fact that he doesn't have a good home with his parents or that he's trying to plan for life after Hawkins. No no don't be silly, its focusing around the fact that he's telling Nancy so as to hint to her that he wants her to be the mother in the scenario. It's lazy writing and just makes Steve seem ridiculous.

He talked about getting hits on the head and crawling forward well the Duffers aren't allowing him to do that so I'm not sure why they wrote that in?

I basically think if season 5 even tries to focus on any kind of love triangle I'll stop watching. You did this in season 1 and 2 Duffle Bags and it was boring that time round to.

#steve harrington #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #stranger things #stranger things 4 #st4 #st4 vol2

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karygurl · 1 year

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infiltration? send the white mage! (ffxiv)

Takes place in Shadowbringers after returning to the Crystarium post-Il Mheg. After the pressure that the Eulmorans have put onto the Scions, perhaps it's time to return the favor. Word count: 8.6k

In the aftermath of the night sky returning to Il Mheg, there was much cause for celebration among both the fae and the people of the Crystarium. Once Cassandra had had a chance to rest, the strange tight feeling in her chest had eased somewhat, no doubt from the high tension in rushing to defeat Titania before the Eulmore army could overwhelm her friends… and the sudden appearance of Emet-Selch, Ascian and founder of the Garlean Empire. Something about the man had set her on edge in a peculiar way that she’d not felt around his other Ascian brethren, but she couldn’t put her finger on what the difference could possibly be. Strangely, the Ascian had introduced himself, asked for cooperation and then left. The odd nature of his offer hummed about in her mind as she headed for the Ocular, eager to discuss whatever the next step was in their grand scheme to save the world.

“If Eulmore’s army is to pose such an obstacle at every turn for us,” Alisaie began after everyone had arrived, “perhaps that is the next region we should focus on.”

Alphinaud nodded his agreement. “If we deprive them of their tenuous armistice by restoring the night sky, then perhaps at least some of the people will see Vauthry and his so-called peace for the lie it is. Without fear of retaliation from the sin eaters he purports to command, his army might fall apart or at the very least, reduced in capability.”

Minfilia nodded in agreement, but paused a moment later. “But… we don’t know where the lightwarden is. I don’t believe I’ve ever heard anything about it, though I was confined to the tower, so…”

“I spent much of my time making inroads with the population, but did not think to inquire as to a possible lair for the lightwarden itself,” Alphinaud confessed. “Perhaps I can return to Kholusia and begin inquiries. Though for obvious reasons, I fear I should avoid Eulmore proper for the time being.”

“That would work to our advantage,” the Exarch announced. “As you were on your way back to the Crystarium, I received an invitation from Eulmore. It seems Vauthry intends to hold a masquerade ball, and I’ve been invited.”

“Planning a party so soon after retreating?” Thancred’s acerbic tone dripped from his words. “He certainly has peculiar priorities.”

“Was it only thee who hath received an invitation?” Urianger asked, and the Exarch nodded.

“Regardless, we now know that there is an event that we may be able to take advantage of. I fear I will be of little direct assistance, as openly bringing a guest would be out of the question. A more obvious trap I cannot fathom, and whoever is associated with me would be put in danger. However, it would be an event ripe for infiltration.”

“To make the most of our efforts, I propose to speak with the inhabitants of Stilltide and Wright, so that I can gather information while still remaining in the wings should aught occur,” Alphinaud offered.

Alisaie immediately lifted a finger to wag at him. “And I’ll be with you to keep you out of trouble, brother dearest.”

Thancred spoke then to Minfilia, her face falling as he did. “It would be best if you remained at the Crystarium. No doubt Vauthry and Ran’jit would be all too eager to put you back in a cage should you be discovered. So our best options to crash a ball would be…”

“I would venture forth, if thou wouldst have me.”

All eyes turned to Urianger. Thancred, to his credit, simply smiled at his friend and clapped a hand onto his arm. “Swimming to the island will be required in order to infiltrate it, and more than that, I need you to take care of Minfilia in my stead.”

The wave of disappointment that swept over Urianger was brief, particularly vanishing at the mention of swimming, and he swiftly agreed to take responsibility for the young oracle.

“That leaves you and me, Thancred?” Cassandra hesitated only a moment before nodding. “My skills in espionage are lacking for sure, but if things go belly up, I’ll be sure to get us out safely. That includes you, Exarch.”

Their positions decided, they moved on to planning. The Exarch would not be making an appearance in Eulmore in person; he would be sending an image in his stead. Though he could do so from the Ocular, the illusion would be more powerful if he could have a piece of the Crystal Tower brought into the canopy of the gaudy city itself. Thancred and Cassandra were tasked to carry a piece with them as they infiltrated the island. They’d swim in at the changing of the guard a few hours ahead of the event, remain in the derelicts for a time to make sure they hadn’t been discovered, then change clothing and sneak into the city. They’d plant the crystal in the main hall near the aetheryte plaza, which would give the Exarch a connection via the aether network to give his projected image greater strength. The Exarch assured them that he was capable of destroying the crystal when he was finished, so there would be no need to retrieve it should a retreat be necessary. Alphinaud and Alisaie would be in Wright and keeping an eye on the city as they conducted their inquiries, just in case their assistance was needed.

The twins headed off to the amaro rookery as Thancred and Cassandra saw to their preparations. Formal clothing and masks commissioned from the Crystalline Mean for them both, waxed canvas bags to keep their items dry as they swam, setting out in clothing that they wouldn’t mind leaving behind, and extra supplies. She followed Thancred's directions to the letter, adding a few additions of her own, before they headed out to to the amaro launch to catch their own flights to Kholusia.

On their way to the launch, they rehearsed a few sparse details of a concocted backstory: a new name for him as a free citizen, and for her as one of the bonded. “First time at a masquerade ball?” Thancred asked her from atop his amaro as she adjusted the pack at her back, trying to make certain it wouldn’t fall off as they flew over the continent.

“Afraid so,” she responded as they took off, raising her voice to be heard over the sound of the rushing wind as they wheeled over Lakeland. “Despite the Wood Wailers’ love of masks, I don’t think masquerades are very common in Gridania.” She was about to mention the banquet in Ul’dah, but caught her tongue. Even though it had been some time since that disastrous evening, and for him an additional five years on top of that, it wasn’t a memory she cared to relive in any part.

“Ishgard is known for their balls. Stuffy affairs normally, but their masquerades have a certain charm,” Thancred said, his tone almost a little wistful. Missing the Source, no doubt.

Cassandra hummed in interest, the sound nearly lost beneath the din of the amaros’ wings. “Been to several of the former, but none of the latter. Lord Edmont requested that Alphinaud, Tataru and I attend a few when we first arrived, to prove that House Fortemps stood behind us and to show our status as wards wasn’t some kind of shameful secret. And after the Dragonsong War, there were so many invitations that I had to ask Artoirel to help me narrow down the offers to only the ones that would embarrass him were I to be absent.” She smiled ruefully. “Noble house drama is too complicated a web for me to comprehend.”

“Not at all,” he insisted, lips pulling in to a wide grin. “It can be fun to put together the pieces, and once you do, it’s hard to take an over-stuffed noble seriously when you know for a fact that he’s sold his wife’s jewels to acquire a painting of a dhalmel that he simply had to possess.”

“Truly??” she asked between bouts of laughter. She couldn’t imagine one of the men from the Ishgardian high houses delighting in something so absurd.

Thancred nodded, eyes sparkling with a hint of mischief that she hadn’t seen in them since they’d been reunited. “With that kidn of knowledge tucked away, those events become less drudgery and more of a circus. Perhaps next time the occasion arises, when we’re not fishing for information, I can be your guide.”

“I’ll take you up on that once we’re home,” she stated firmly with a smile, and was grateful when he returned it. The mere thought of a plan to come, some future certainty, helped to quell the butterflies in her stomach. They would weather this, together, and return home with a bright future waiting for them. She would make it happen.

Between Thancred’s knowledge of the guard rotations and both of their skill in traversing areas under water, they had sent their amaros back to the Crystarium before plunging into the depths of the sea and were able to arrive at the rear end of the derelicts beneath Eulmore with little fanfare. Several of the inhabitants gave them sidelong glances as they rose from the surf, but all turned a blind eye. People washing up from the ocean wasn’t particularly rare here, after all. The pair trudged together toward a particular tent at Thancred’s direction, and his contact there, a miqo’te-- or rather, mystel-- with burgundy hair and a toothy grin was happy to see him, even moreso once he’d carefully unrolled the bag he’d hauled with him and unpacked supplies to hand out to those who lived in the shadow of Eulmore.

Thancred glanced to Cassandra as she began to unload her own burden, and his eyebrows rose when she pulled similar supplies from her own pack. He hadn’t expected her to have thought to bring extra supplies for those in need down here, and he couldn’t help but grin. Of course she had. She was nothing if not helpful to a fault.

At his direction, the mystel bounded off to lead them to those best able to distribute the supplies, their arms steadily lightening as they were passed out. Food other than meol, blankets and cloth, fishing line and small sets of tools. Cassandra’s time in Eulmore had been brief, but Thancred apparently had made a much greater impression. Even though it had been several years since he’d been able to approach due to looking after Minfilia, a few people still remembered him and greeted him with hearty hellos.

Though he did his best to gently remind them that the Crystarium was a safe haven for any who’d wish to leave their place under Eulmore’s thumb, nearly all ignored his offer. The meol was too good, apparently. Unfortunate, but Cassandra understood. Though they wished to help people, she couldn’t force them unless they wanted their help.

As always, she was grateful for Thancred’s expertise. He seemed to know exactly where they could and couldn’t go to stay out of line of sight of the guards, knew who to talk to and when they needed to get ready. They took turns borrowing their mystel friend’s tent in order to change into their formal clothing, Cassandra struggling with the absurd amount of openings and tiny buttons lining the back of her gown. She’d faced and triumphed over similar circumstances in Ishgard when she’d first learned about their layered styles of dress that helped keep out the cold, but the temperate weather of Kholusia meant there was little need for layers and apparently all the more need for showing skin.

The deep red gown had actually been commissioned some time ago from the Crystalline Mean by a Eulmoran, but had never been sent for. It was a wholly impractical garment of course, so it had languished until Katliss had remembered its existence and dug it up. A few tailors had worked quickly to alter it to Cassandra’s form, and suddenly she’d been in possession of a dress that hopefully was close enough to pass as Eulmoran fashion. She couldn’t imagine what the point of it was though, with the wide yet tight openings over her cleavage and at the middle of her back as well as the slit that rode up her leg nearly to her waist. She was no prude, and between the thigh highs and matching red undergarments that covered her particulars the amount of skin out in the open wasn’t that ostentatious, but all the same, this was probably the most exposed she’d ever felt.

With a heaved sigh that she hoped might bring her some courage, she pulled on the delicate shoes with lace at the ankle and lacquered flowers decorating the heel before finally exiting the tent. When Thancred turned to look at her, she’d lowered her face, ostensibly to fuss with the slit at her leg to make sure it fell properly.

“Enchanting.”

“Hopefully they’ll be so enchanted that they forget to speak to me,” she said with a self-conscious huff of laughter, ignoring the warmth rising into her cheeks at the low rumbling tone in that single word. No doubt he was simply trying to reassure her; he’d have said the same no matter what she wore or how she looked.

As a last touch, he held out the mask she was expected to wear for the ball, a black and crimson piece of confectionery with similar lacquered flowered detailing as the heels of her shoes. The mask covered most of her face, curving around to the hollows of her cheeks with a delicate chain hanging from both sides that draped under the curve of her bottom lip.

Cassandra nodded but before accepting it, she combed her fingers through the loose waves of her air-dried hair before fastening it in a loose ponytail over her shoulder. Better to refrain from putting her hair up in the style she’d worn when she’d visited Eulmore before, she figured, then reached out for the mask.

She pulled it from his hands but he held onto the silk ribbons at its sides and stepped around her. Once she’d lifted it to her face, he worked to weave the ribbons in and out of her hair before fastening it, the dexterity of his fingers with the delicate straps surprising her.

“That’s quite a skill,” she remarked as he finished tying the mask, snug and secure.

“Both Minfilias share a love of ribbons,” he remarked quietly, and she could hear the warm ache in his voice.

Nodding once they were both set, Thancred bid farewell to his associate among the Derelicts and they worked their way toward the base of the city. The plan was relatively simple: Thancred, dressed a Eulmoran guard’s uniform that had been smuggled into the Crystarium by a former resident, would escort her into the building under pretense of her being a lost ball attendee. They’d head for the stairs, stopping briefly for him to quickly change and drop off the uniform somewhere in the army headquarters in the tower’s middle levels, before heading up to the Canopy and the masquerade proper.

The plan went off without a hitch. Thancred did all the talking, of course, much to her relief; he’d spun a tale of “this airheaded, well-meaning chit” sneaking off to look for seashells for her hair, or somesuch. To be honest she missed most of what he’d said, her heart hammering in her ears as she did her best to appear suitably chastened. Thankfully, it seemed that the door guard mistook her nerves for remorse and impatiently waved them both inside.

The stairs were no easier than the first time she’d climbed them with Alphinaud; in fact her heels made the climb even more strenuous, but slowly but surely they arrived at the Understory in the middle of the tower, strangely empty as she peered inside. No doubt many of the guards were at posts around the party.

She’d barely turned her back on the space to give Thancred some privacy, her gaze sweeping the stairs for any patrols or wayward guests, when he stepped around her in a tailored suit sleek and yet on the verge of pompous with its detailing and coat tails. Perfect for Eulmore. But how had he changed so quickly? She lifted her eyes from his outfit to his face to see a smirk pulling at his lips. He’d done that to show off, hadn’t he? She exhaled sharply with a smile. This man.

Cassandra wordlessly helped him with his mask when he lifted it to his face, reaching out for its ties though he hadn’t asked for her assistance. Though her fingers were nowhere near as deft as his, she still ensured that the mask was firmly in place and absently pulled a few locks of his hair free so that they wouldn’t snag uncomfortably. Both of their outfits now in place, they resumed their ascent.

The tower gave her even more chills now than it had during her first visit, almost humming around them as they climbed the stairs. The music swelled as they rose, as did the strange feeling in her chest, almost as if it were stiffening, pressure squeezing it tight. As they arrived at a doorway and Thancred cracked it open, looking for anyone who might notice their entrance, her hand rose to her throat to try and assuage the worrying sensation. Surely it was nothing, simply nerves?

Thancred’s eyes turned to her, and before he could ask, she nodded at him with a smile. She was fine, it must simply be apprehension making her jittery. Espionage wasn’t something she had ever been comfortable with, but surely Thancred had this handled, and the mask would prevent anyone from recognizing her.

His searching gaze didn’t let up for another moment, but he offered her a small smile in return and his arm. Wrapping her fingers around his elbow, she followed as he took one more look out into the hallway and then slipped them both past the door and onto a walkway that led directly to the Canopy.

The pair turned the corner into the open main floor, and their senses were assaulted with the myriad of overly opulent delights at every turn. The music rose to fill and echo within the soaring space overhead, food and drink placed strategically about the hall with their potent aromas wafting from every corner, conversation ebbed and flowed, laughter echoed in high pitched raucous nattering. Were it not so manufactured and fake, it might actually be inviting.

Cassandra pasted a smile onto her face, determined to not let her thoughts show as they usually did. She kept her hands wrapped lightly around Thancred’s elbow, likewise determined to not crush his arm in a tight worried grip and give away her anxiety.

She remained mute as Thancred greeted several nobles-- free citizens, she reminded herself-- with gusto, and they returned his greeting before they moved on again.

“Do you know them?”

“Not at all.”

Gods, she wished she had his confidence. Primals she could face, but scheming nobility? She’d fumbled far too much in Ishgard even after she’d become some kind of figurehead whose missteps were easily forgotten, and still hadn’t learned enough to feel confident in the slightest. Thank goodness he was here with her.

Had she been an outside observer, she would have easily believed Thancred was one of the free citizens of Eulmore. He had the confidence, the charisma, and projected the signature carefree attitude of someone who expected luxury with ease. How did he do it? She hoped she looked the part of a bonded citizen next to him, at awe at everything he did. It had been a good cover for the stumbling she knew she’d be prone to. And it had worked the last time she’d been in Eulmore with Alphinaud, had it not?

Their amble around the floor led them toward one of the tables piled high with assortments of food and bottles of wine. “Might as well avail ourselves of the luxuries while we’re here. Care for a bite?”

Her eyes scanned the food, trying to tamp down on the disgust she felt thinking of the people in the Derelicts subsisting on nothing but meol. The smells wafting from the dishes were pleasing but something about the food itself was revolting, turning her stomach in a sudden lurch. She shook her head quickly, hoping her reticence wasn’t noticed or perhaps chalked up to maidenly vanity.

“Don’t see anything to your liking?” he asked quietly, lightly, in case anyone was listening.

When Cassandra shook her head once more, he nodded and continued their circuit of the room on their way to the aetheryte. As they passed it she reached down and fussed with the lace at her ankle, while gently letting the blue crystal the Exarch had entrusted her with slip from her fingers and sink to the bottom of the shallow pool. To her surprise, a soft Thank you echoed in her mind in the Exarch’s voice. He must have been waiting for her and the connection was now made. Thank goodness, at least part of their plan had been accomplished. She allowed herself a brief moment to close her eyes and breathe-- regardless of what happened the rest of the night, that much at least was a success.

“Are you all right, my lady?” the voice that she’d heard in her head was suddenly in her ear and her face snapped up to see the Exarch kneeling next to her. He wore his robes as always, though he sported a full face harlequin mask beneath the deep cowl. She blinked as she accepted his hand, only the hum of aether beneath her fingertips giving away his illusion. Had she closed her eyes for that long, or had he simply blinked into existence? There was still time before his meeting with Vauthry; she hadn’t expected him to appear so soon, or so suddenly.

As she stood, Thancred nodded at their new companion. “Care to take a turn with her before your audience?” he offered lightly, eyes carefully sweeping the room.

Cassandra understood what Thancred was asking: he wanted to do what he did best, slipping into the shadows, without her at his side. It was no slight against her, and she knew it; she wanted him to succeed, and that meant leaving her to her own devices for a while while he put his skills to use. She placed a hand on his forearm, squeezing gently in reassurance before stepping back. Thancred gave her an exaggerated bow (though was it truly exaggerated, or was just that level of pomp expected in Eulmore?) before sauntering off and she quickly lost sight of him. Damn, but he was good at that.

“Well then,” she turned to the Exarch with a smile. “Are you my guest, or am I yours?”

“I believe we are both guests,” he said cheerfully as he pulled her arm to the crook of his elbow, “And we can experience this adventure together however we see fit.”

They’d only just stepped away from the aetheryte when the music swelled and nearly every couple in the Canopy stepped forward, surging toward the open plaza and taking up a position with clasped hands raised.

A dance. And they were in the middle of a sea of couples.

“I don’t know this dance,” she murmured, nearly in a panic. She wasn’t a poor dancer, but she wasn’t good at picking up steps on the fly, she needed practice. Would it be too visible if they were to sneak out to the balcony, perhaps? Would it be any better to visibly stumble her way through a dance she didn't know, calling attention to herself amid all of these people?

The Exarch shifted her hand again back into his palm, and once he’d lifted their hands to match the others on the floor, he turned to her with his head slightly bowed. “Fortunately it’s one I’ve learned, and a rather simple one at that. Unless you would prefer to quit the floor? I would leave the decision to you.”

He was asking her to trust his judgment, in so many words. He believed that this was something she was capable of. She nodded in a split second decision and though his entire face was covered, she could feel the smile behind the mask that was meant for her.

The strings rose together with one vibrato note, shivering in the air building anticipation, and then the rest of the ensemble began to play and the first step began.

The Exarch was right, the dance truly was simple. The steps were quite basic, the spectacle of it created by the upper bodies of the couples tipping back and forth though even that was an easy pattern. She quickly realized that the dance wasn’t for the sake of the dancers themselves; it was for those observing, to see couples in an inner and outer circle moving in grand observable gestures. How very like Eulmore, to pretend to be lavish and decadent for all but have its opulence truthfully meant for the enjoyment of the one overseeing it. Her eyes darted toward the lift to Vauthry’s chambers, but she quickly looked away and instead tried to concentrate on her dance with the Exarch.

The swish of his robes and the swaying slit in her gown were accentuated by the basic pivoting steps that led them around and around the inner circle of dancers. “I’m glad the dance is as simple as it is,” she murmured.

“Gaudy, but unsophisticated. Like much in this place.”

She bit down on her laughter, trying to remain quiet. “I was thinking the same.” Her voice lowered further. “The food is… strange, though. I’d suggest not partaking… if you’re even able to, that is.”

“The food?” he murmured, head turning slightly toward one of the expansive tables laden down with foodstuffs. “Understood. Hopefully the lack of enjoyable victuals isn’t ruining your adventure?”

She chuckled. “The glitz and glamor are a spectacle for certain, but I’d prefer venturing to new places and getting to know people my own way.” Her eyes scanned the people around them. “Helping people, openly. Not working against them. Though unfortunately the former almost always ends up requiring the latter.”

After a particularly deep dip, they both snapped upright and she found herself pressed up against him as they moved, their similar heights even more pronounced. “Take heart, my friend. There will be many more adventures ahead of you, more memorable than even this.”

He had such faith in her, it confused her but also heartened her so much. “I hope you'll be there when--”

“Ah, the friend of our master is enjoying the reception!”

The Exarch halted his steps, Cassandra stopping with him, when the two fanciful jongleurs in Vauthry’s employ moved toward them in unison. The other dancers on the floor, forced to dodge them, murmured aghast until they saw just who had stopped them and then they moved aside gracefully.

“Our master awaits you, if you’ll mind our interception!”

Cassandra curtsied low, praying that the two women wouldn’t recognize her from her previous disastrous visit to Eulmore. Thankfully, they seemed more interested in Vauthry’s lauded guest.

The Exarch nodded slowly, before turning back to Cassandra and leaning forward to press her hand to the molded lips of his mask. “Find your partner, and be safe,” he murmured before releasing her and following the two comical assistants.

Cassandra followed after them, if only to use their wake to dodge the dancing couples about the floor. Once she was free of their spinning movements however, she wasn’t quite sure what to do. Her eyes swept the wide room but didn’t see Thancred anywhere. Should she hunt him down, or remain in one place? She didn’t want to disrupt his information gathering, and besides, his eyes rarely missed anything, so if she stayed put, then surely he would come across her at some point. And so she stayed, watching, listening in to any gossip she could glean from those standing nearby, but didn't encounter much beyond useless gossip that made her feel so out of place. It didn't help that the emotional hums she'd felt from those around her had all been quiet little hums. Carefree. Shallow. She'd expected as much from her previous visit, but having this vapid superficial hum around her when the world was suffering clenched her heart in an iron grip.

She’d been so busy watching the crowds that she’d missed the tall form slowly but confidently striding up to her until he was nearly upon her, the hunch in his shoulders and the red Ascian mask covering half of his face unmistakable. How--?

“Attending a lavish ball and I didn’t even warrant an invitation?” he remarked as he stood next to her, hands sweeping out in mock outrage. “One might begin to think you didn’t desire my company.”

Her eyes snapped from him to the crowd again. No one seemed to be paying the two of them any mind despite the man’s theatrics, and Thancred was still nowhere in sight. Emet-Selch seemed to be all words and no plans so far as she’d seen in his brief introduction, and despite his flair for the dramatic, surely he wouldn’t create chaos in the middle of the masquerade? He hadn’t seemed eager to cause a commotion in the Crystarium. But there was no telling if his words could be even remotely trusted, what his plans may be, or if he was hiding something to unleash on them. She shouldn’t underestimate him.

He noticed her watching the crowd warily and sighed. “None here would recognize this mask, save perhaps one. I’m simply another guest at the masquerade to these pitiful half-lifes. Would you care to indulge me with your company? Parties such as this are so dull without a good conversation partner.”

“What could you possibly want to talk about with me?” she asked in hushed tones, her eyes darting toward him and then back at the crowd. “You know who I am, and that I will do everything to stop you from another Rejoining. What more could we have to discuss?”

The disdain dripping from his voice was unmistakable. “Is that all you think about? Are you so eager to craft your entire persona around being ‘the hero’ that you’re above discussing the weather?”

She turned to him then, incredulous. “What weather? There’s only ever light outside!”

“As a permanent fixture of the world, it is therefore an eternal topic of discussion, is it not?” Emet-Selch sighed heavily. “Well then, what would you talk about with the others about the floor? The gaudy decorations, perhaps? The garish fashion and soulless, vapid guests?”

Cassandra’s eyes narrowed slightly, watching his bored expression that gave nothing away. “If you think so little of this party, why are you here?”

“I would ask the same of you,” he responded, raising an eyebrow. “We both know your presence here isn’t due to the celebrations themselves.”

“Fine, then. Where is Kholusia’s lightwarden?” she asked, voice low, nervousness fluttering madly in her chest. Was she making a mistake asking him directly? Then again, he must already be aware of their plans to eliminate the lightwardens. What did she have to lose?

His lips curved into a wicked grin at the lower edge of his mask. “Ah, she speaks her mind at last. And what makes you think I know its whereabouts?”

“They’re integral to your plan. You’ve played your game long enough that I know you’re too good to not know the position of the pawns on the board.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, dearest hero, least of all with me.” He cocked his head then, his sharp yellow gaze watching her, assessing from behind his mask. “Though it won’t hurt to tell you that you’re closer than you know.”

Could she trust that he was telling the truth? Or did he seek to mislead her and have her chase down false leads? “It’s below the tower then?”

Emet-Selch sighed so heavily then, he nearly folded inward on himself as he allowed his head to droop. “What’s the use of a riddle if you’re just going to interpret it literally?”

“What’s the point of answering a question with a riddle in the first place??” she hissed back. Something about him rose her hackles, and she couldn’t describe why. She’d been taunted by Ascians before, and Emet-Selch’s words were hardly more cryptic than those of his brethren; on the contrary, he was far from forthcoming but neither was he obtuse. But something about him made her want to fight. “Either it doesn't matter if we know, or it does. Why leave it up to chance?”

He was still giving her that unamused look, his tone mockingly slow as if pointing out something that should have been patently obvious. “To observe your methods. I can hardly determine whether we’re suited to be allies if I’m unfamiliar with how you operate.”

“‘How I operate’??” Cassandra bit back her words, trying to temper the volume of her voice. The last thing she needed to do was bring attention to herself. “I don’t do games, Emet-Selch. Either aid us if you truly wish, or stand aside. You may be immortal, but our lives are limited enough as it is.”

His eyes seemed to dim then, his expression falling from derision to something… remote. Unreachable. He reached out then, one finger following the edge of her mask down her face and onto the line of her jaw. “That, I know all too well.” Leaning forward, his gloved finger lingered while his thumb hovered over her lip, the delicate chain at her chin growing warm. “Happy hunting.”

Emet-Selch pulled his hand away and in the same movement turned to leave with an exaggerated flippant flick of his wrist, his slow tired movements accentuated by his perpetual stooped shoulders. She watched him leave, the edge of her cheek tingling from the scrape of his glove, and once he’d disappeared from her sight around a corner, she pivoted and headed in the opposite direction with purposeful strides, not wanting to stand there any longer. She felt too exposed, needed to shake the burst of… whatever that had been, that had risen up in her. For much of the evening her nerves had keep her silent, but with him they’d nearly led to an outburst. Where in the seven hells had that come from?

She strode purposefully for the open air walkway that surrounded the Canopy, hoping that leaving the crush of the crowd inside would help her head to clear. Perhaps Thancred would spot her easier if she were alone and not one face in a sea of them.

She inhaled the sea breeze that tugged at and threaded through the low ponytail at her shoulder as she stepped out onto the suspended walkway over the Derelicts. The path was specifically created to hang out over the edge of the island, hiding the plight of those below from sight, and she leaned against the railing to instead look out over the horizon and try to make out the sun setting behind the glare of light.

The sight was demoralizing, were she to be honest with herself. Before she’d come to the First, she couldn’t fathom the concept of light as a source of pain or misery. But now that she was here, observing it take over and stagnate overhead, robbing this world’s people of any chance of peace, she had finally understood the calamity that the Exarch and Minfilia had worked so hard to delay and avert. Watching the light aether suffuse and stale and stand still was terrifying, and she needed to stop it.

“Taking in the beauty? Perhaps I could fetch a mirror for you instead.”

Cassandra had been so wrapped up in her musing that she startled at the congenial voice next to her. Too distracted again. With a quickly indrawn breath, she attempted to turn in a somewhat coordinated manner to the tall man standing at her side, his gaudy dodo mask encrusted with gemstones.

He offered her a deep bow and a wide smile that she certainly didn’t trust, though she returned his gesture with what she hoped was an appropriate curtsy all the same.

“It’s quite an honor to spy a fresh face! I don’t recognize you. Even with the masks, I know most of of the residents of Eulmore. How are you enjoying the masquerade, mysterious damsel?”

“It’s… like a dream,” she hedged. A dream of something pretty but wrong, something that became less beautiful and more horrific the longer one stared.

The man leaned in, eyes sweeping over her quickly and lowering his voice to what she assumed was meant to be sultry murmur. “Then don’t wake up, angel. I’d like to stay a while. Unless your patron isn’t one for sharing?”

She blinked, not sure how to respond to that; was she even supposed to? She knew what he was implying but she was a long way from Buscarron’s Druthers, from the drunks who had propositioned her and were easily turned aside with a laugh and failing that, a jab from her elbow. The unspoken rules of high society were ever elusive to her.

At her silence, he chuckled as if he’d simply told a joke, though somehow she doubted that had been the case. “To whom do we owe the pleasure of your company? Perhaps someone I know?”

Cassandra had practiced their cover story, had recited it over and over in her head, but now when she needed it the most, it vanished from her mind and left her standing there wide eyed and with no response to offer. The air seized in her lungs and any words she attempted to summon turned to ash on her tongue.

The man’s eyebrows rose as her silence stretched on, then he settled into another smile. “Come, then, I hear the next dance is about to begin. We’ll take a turn about the floor together and see if we can spot your keeper.”

He reached down, snatched one of her hands in his, then raised it in what she assumed was some kind of deferential manner before pulling her along to the dance floor. Was this all right? She didn’t particularly want to dance with this man, but she couldn’t think of a polite way to extricate herself. Besides that, did a bonded citizen have the right to refuse a free citizen of Eulmore? And surely causing a scene would be worse than acquiescing? It was only a dance, she could hang on for that long.

The man in the dodo mask pulled her to the outer circle of dancers, the hand grasping hers turning it in his grip. “There now, you’re a natural. Have you been taught--”

“There you are.”

Cassandra struggled to remain still and not exhale in abject relief at the familiar voice, Thancred appearing at her side as if from thin air and wrapping his arm around her waist. The simple reassurance of his touch had her leaning against him more than she intended.

The man eyed Thancred’s tight hold on her briefly before he allowed his hand to slip away from hers. After giving Thancred a wink and a nudge in the shoulder, the man wordlessly bowed to excuse himself. Thancred accepted the gesture with a genial smile and pulled her hand into his free one once he was out of the way.

“Are you all right?”

Cassandra sighed heavily, trying to keep from falling against him entirely as her tension fled. “Embarrassed is all.”

Before she could say more, the music swelled around them and the couples all moved this way and that to take up their positions. Right, the man had said another number was about to begin.

Thancred lifted her hand between them, lowering his head to press his lips to her knuckles with the barest hint of pressure before he spoke quietly, the words only for her. “Care to dance? It would give us a chance to speak.”

She nodded immediately, the private smile that curved his lips in response nearly but not quite hidden behind her hand. She didn’t need justification to dance, not if it was with him.

His arm remained at her waist as their joined hands rose to their sides, and she recognized the dance as one she’d spied earlier when she’d been waiting for him and watching the crowd. Thankfully, she had the general gist of the movements, and Thancred’s lead allowed them both to step to the rhythm alongside the rest of the crowd of dancers with relative ease.

“What happened?” he began, his gaze darting to sweep their surroundings for a moment before returning to focus on her.

Her lips pulled into a frown; she didn’t particularly want to admit to her failure, but keeping things from him served no purpose. “I just choked over a very easy question. Nothing happened, just… nerves. Subterfuge will never be something I’m good at.”

He hummed in dissent. “The fault lies with me. How did you end up on your own?”

As she explained the events that led to the Exarch being called away and Emet-Selch approaching her, she felt his fingers at her side curl tighter against her.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” he asked again, his voice lower than before. His eyes were carefully sweeping over every inch of her with an intense focus that left her mouth dry. It made her feel strangely exposed.

Thancred was ashamed that he hadn’t noticed that Cassandra had been alone. She’d been right to stay in one place, the better for him to notice her as he took stock of the room, but somehow he’d managed to miss her. How could he have missed her? Beyond the dress that put so much of her on display, she was real in a way no others in this entire misbegotten city were, to the point that not even keeping herself safe was enough to jeopardize her genuine nature. Not ideal for a mission requiring subterfuge, perhaps, but as far as their companions went, she had still been the best choice to accompany him. Should they encounter the lightwarden themselves, she had the best chance of getting them out alive. For that matter, it was also the case should the city itself turn on them.

Honestly, there shouldn’t have even been a point where Cassandra needed to respond and offer answers, he should have been beside her. He should have realized that the arrogant leader of Eulmore would call for the Exarch at his whim rather than the appointed time. Still, he’d thought he’d had a moment to do what he did best: listen in from the shadows. Cassandra, as skilled and powerful as she was, was still a novice in stealth. He’d wanted just a short while to listen rather than cajole, in case that might yield different results, but alas, he’d had no luck whether from the shadows or from his precisely crafted questions. Though some of the free peoples of Eulmore were eager to speak of the sin eaters on the upper levels that resided with Vauthry, as if being in their presence was some honor to be proud of, none had seen any out of the ordinary or particularly powerful that would imply to him that a lightwarden was present.

If not here, then where? He fervently hoped that it wouldn’t come to that; perhaps Alphinaud had seen or heard something come alight in his efforts.

“Really, I’m fine,” she insisted, and that brought him back to the present, her small smile an attempt to reassure him. She squeezed his hand, and reflexively, he returned the pressure. “Did you have any luck?” When he shook his head, she sighed. “Me either, beyond that madman’s riddle, if it’s even worth considering.”

“It’s more than I’ve heard all evening,” Thancred offered, his smile returning. “Perhaps I should be taking lessons from you.”

The thought was so absurd, she couldn’t help but smile. “I’d happily teach you what I know, though unfortunately it boils down to simply ‘find an Ascian and hope they wish to brag about something instead of kill you outright.’ It’s an awfully rare occurrence, unfortunately.”

The thought of Emet-Selch speaking to her gave him pause. Though Thancred hadn’t seen them speaking together tonight, even during their first encounter there had been something about the way the Ascian’s eyes lingered on her as if he found it difficult to pull them away, and it bothered him. The weight in that gaze had felt more personal than simply an Ascian contemplating the Warrior of Light.

Thancred coaxed Cassandra into going over the conversation she’d shared with the Ascian one more time, but there wasn’t enough there to fill in the gaps. Something about it needled at him; he’d need to find a way to get some answers from the bastard.

If he’d taken to giving her hints and riddles, no doubt he’d be back sooner than any of them wanted. Thancred needed a plan for that, too.

Once the dance had ended, he released her waist but not her hand, gently pulling her along to the the outer walkway. When he found a secluded spot with no other prying eyes about for the moment, he allowed her hand to slip from his grip and he leaned his elbows onto the railing. Though the sun had set, light shone overhead as it always did. Unending, unchanging.

Cassandra pressed herself against the railing next to him, eyes looking down though she couldn’t see the derelicts that she knew were below their feet.

“Where did you find her?” The question fell unbidden from her lips, and after a moment, she continued. “The last time you were here, I mean.”

He knew who she was asking about, even before she elaborated.

Minfilia.

His eyes never left the horizon, though his mind retraced the path he’d taken, the steps he’d raced to cover. His voice was flat when he responded. “In the depths of the tower. Below the waterline.”

Cassandra inhaled sharply, her heart clenching tight in her chest. That meant… not just a cell, but one with no windows? That poor girl…

She reached out, resting her hand on his sleeve. “It can’t have been easy for you, coming back here. We’ll find a way to fix… this place,” she said, sounding like a promise. “It may not be perfect, but I--”

A bellow from above shook him out of his reverie, and he and Cassandra shared a look before he immediately pulled her toward the main circling stairwell that led down and out of the tower. The bellowing continued, punctuated with heavy thumping; apparently the meeting with the Exarch had ended, and it hadn’t gone the way Vauthry had hoped. Not that this outcome was a surprise; certainly, it was the one truly predictable thing about the evening.

Thancred hoped that the Exarch had been correct in his assertion that once his projection was finished with its work, or forcibly destroyed, the crystal left in the fountain would take care of itself. For him and Cassandra, it was time to leave.

He held her hand as they ran down the stairs, hoping to get to the bottom and out the main gate before Vauthry had any time to finish his tantrum and bellow orders. It brought to mind his escape from the tower with Minfilia, though at least this time they were both dressed to fit in as just another pair of guests as far as anyone knew.

And Cassandra’s hand felt different in his. He’d grabbed Minfilia’s wrist, desperate to pull her to safety, but he hadn’t felt right doing the same to his current companion. A defenseless young girl was different from the vaunted Warrior of Light. Her delicate fingers curled around his, their constant pressure serving to remind him that she was with him.

When she squeezed tighter in panic, he felt the angle of her grip change and he pivoted just in time to catch her as she pitched forward. Surefooted, he straddled two steps as he pulled her close, her body pressed to his with their hands still intertwined.

Exhaling heavily in shock, she took a moment to replant her feet and nodded stiffly to him. Even with their hurried flight from the tower, he was reluctant to let her go but stepped back and continued forward, moderating his pace more carefully and keeping her hand tucked away in his.

One the base of the spiraling staircase was finally in sight, he slowed his descent and pulled Cassandra tighter to his side, murmuring to her, “Laugh with me.”

Her awkward barked laughter would have had him wincing, were he not already schooling his expression. Changing tactics quickly, he continued, “Ah, if only you had something amusing to laugh at, for instance the time my charge and I discovered all of Urianger’s clothing had been replaced with flower garlands by the pixies. He emerged from the Bookman’s Shelves to greet us wrapped in nothing but blooms, looking like nothing so much as a float in a Little Ladies’ Day parade…”

Her laughter then was genuine, perfect, the sound warming him. He added in his own laughter to sell the act and merrily waved at the guards at the door, acting for all the world as if they were two carefree nobles out for a bit of air.

When one of the guards tried to stop them, Thancred shooed them off with a haughty gesture and another laugh and the two of them paraded their way through Gatetown, keeping up the merry charade.

Once they’d passed the large cliff that hid the wretchedness of the outer hovels from the gates of the city, they rested against the side of the stone to shake off the feeling of the tower.

“I wish we’d had better luck,” she murmured, her tone holding a hint of bitterness. “If only I’d tried harder--”

“Your job was to infiltrate with me and ensure that we both made it out alive,” he reminded her gently, “and by my estimate, you’ve done just that. Well done, Cassandra.” The buoyant smile that lifted the corners of her lips was contagious, its warmth spreading into his chest. He held out his arm to her, admittedly not in an effort to keep up the charade but just to keep her close. “Care to join me on a walk to Wright? I believe there’s a particular pair of twins who await our arrival.”

She accepted his arm gratefully. Somehow, despite the myriad of tense and stressful moments at the ball that nearly made her break out in a cold sweat just thinking about them, she wasn’t quite ready for the evening to end.

“Are you planning on keeping your dress?”

She blinked, considering the question as they walked arm in arm. “I… I’m not sure? I hadn’t considered it beyond tonight. I suppose it’s tailored for me personally now, though I can’t imagine where else I could possibly wear it. Isn’t it a bit much?”

Thancred had no need to cast his eyes over the figure beside him to remind himself how the dress looked; he’d already memorized the way the deep crimson highlighted the fawn tones of her skin, the teasing window to the curve of her spine, the impossibly high slit and near sheer stockings that hinted at the shapely legs beneath. He had no doubt the image would haunt him for nights to come, regardless of whether she ever wore it again. “I believe you promised me an Ishgardian ball, when we return. Perhaps it might be suitable, if you can manage to keep from freezing to death in it.”

Her laughter settled a tension in his chest that he couldn’t define. The road to Wright ahead of them was devoid of danger as far as he could sense, Minfilia was safe in the Crystarium, and he had a woman on his arm. Not just any woman, but the one who proffered the closest thing to the concept of “home” that he’d ever felt, who was finally by his side after years of waiting for her arrival. For the first time in a long time, he was truly content with where he stood.

#ffxiv #shadowbringers spoilers #cassandra tygrova #thancred waters #crystal exarch #emet-selch #the title is a joke with my spouse #for all the times this game has been like #“stealth mission? send the white mage!”#“diplomacy? send the white mage!”#“grocery run? send the white mage!”#anyway this really was just an excuse to have a masquerade ball somewhere #and let cass have a fun time with her boyfriends #as a treat <3 #while wearing the nier casting gown hahaha

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eye-of-yelough · 4 months

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woe, numbers be upon you (for the dark urge questions) 1, 3, 4, 11, 13, 16, 21, 25, 30

WOWIE YOU SPOIL ME. THANK YOU

For context in case you or anyone reading this don’t know, Aeryn is an oc i’ve had since looong before bg3, he’s basically a self insert (except he’s isn’t, at all, because we have very little in common) who is my go-to guy to play as in video games. his personality, appearance and all that was all already in my head so. idk some things might not sense because i bend little things here n there to make him more like he is in my head.

ANOTHER thing is that i initially created this guy for the soul purpose of like. tortureporn. just a little meow meow for me to force all of sad horny little edgelord impulses onto with the hope that if i put it all into one character, i wouldn’t do it as much with my others. and then he kinda just evolved from there as i got more invested in him. but he’s still that tortureporn deep down so that’s why there’s So Much going on with him. just thought i’d warn ya.

1) What circumstances led to your durge picking their class/subclass?

Aeryn’s a level 8 “the great old one” warlock/level 4 “gloom stalker” ranger. for warlock, well. the thing you need to know about Aeryn is that he is. very pathetic. i always play him as a glass cannon. he likely wasn’t living up to Murder Daddy’s ambitious expectations for him as being the ultimate killing machine, so he made a deal for an arcane edge. as for gloom stalker urban ranger well. it’s the dark urge.

3) what would your durge consider to be their greatest skill? is this accurate?

seduction, and no. he is off-putting and desperate and only certain people find that charming. i’d say it’s his love. his empathy.

4) what would your durge consider to be their greatest flaw? is this accurate?

just… all of it. the Urge, the rampant sex addiction, (by extension, the need for people to find him physically attractive, that’s so strong it stops him from physically or socially transitioning, which leads him in this weird purgatory, flitting from girlmoding to boymoding depending on he wants to gain sex or respect from a social situation. suffice it to say, no one ever knows what to make of him.) desperate pathetic clingyness and people pleasing borne from a life of profound isolation and rejection, the fact that he’s so so so scared all the time. and, yeah. i’d say that’s pretty spot on.

11) what motivates you durge to either embrace or resist the urge?

fear. love. both ways. he never embraces the urge, never. not deep down, at least. he spends the whole span of the game trying to resist. he’s just… not very good at it. his vibe has always been that “as if it’s my fault my love language is acts of service and all i know how to do is kill” post.

13) how does your durge feel about killing?

horny. jokes* aside, Aeryn is um. more than a little suicidal if i’m being honest. (bear with me) and memory-fucked as he is, that feeling alongside the urge is all he really knows. the belief that life is nothing but one painful disappointment after another is his soul consistent trait. he honestly doesn’t know that life can be more than that. he also doesn’t know that others don’t feel the same. so that’s essentially how he keeps his guilt and shame on a leash. cant be guilty about killing if you see it as an act of mercy.

*it wasn’t a joke at all.

16) what is your durge’s greatest desire?

now this is one i’ve thought about. basically his perfect life would be as the right hand man (executioner or perhaps assassin) and lover (pet) of a great leader who supplies him with many shitheads and sorry bastards to take out his murderous urges on. and have whoever that leader is give him a pat on the head and tell him he’s doing a good job :) and they fuck scary style. (minthara hiiiiii) (yes i am a durgetash exes truther why do you ask)

21) what are two to three songs your durge would relate to?

so glad you asked.

stupid girl by garbage is Thee Signature Aeryn Song to me.

something rotten by placebo

and, as much as i hate to recommend a song by the worlds evilest band, this hurts by msi.

25) how does your durge feel about Sceleritas Fel?

conflicted. he’s like a mascot for his dark urge, and his arrival always means the worst. and yet, he just can’t not fall this silly little freak’s charms.

30) what are your durge’s intentions/goals at the end of the game?

this would be easier to answer if i knew what his canon ending was, but i don’t. i just finished my first ever playthrough earlier today, where he rejects Bhaal and the emperor and becomes a mind flayer and i can safely say that’s not it. (i romanced lae’zel, realised aeryn would be better suited with minthara around the end of act two, and came to the conclusion that this is not his canon run, so i’m just gonna do what feels right and whatever happens, happens) i’ve watched a few videos of the accept bhaal’s gift -> kill the netherbrain -> kill yourself or go crazy and piss yourself ending (which is so unsettling and i really shouldn’t have watched it at 5am) and its REALLY good but. yeah i don’t know.

thanks so much again for asking and letting me talk about my wretched thing. kisses

#oc aeryn #durge #your daily dose of idiocy #bg3

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numbersbythebook · 2 years

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Rachel's Story of Great Tribulation

written by Will Schumacher

I have posted on Rachel a few times in the past. While Rebekah is to be tied to the concept of the perfected bride, a virgin seated in the heavenlies, Rachel is to be tied to the concept of the redeemed bride who goes through tribulation/sanctification.

God shows us a type of Rachel needing redemption and going through tribulation/sanctification in her story. This is the verse that Rachel is tied to numerically if you search my posts on Rachel. And again this great tribulation is the Church Age not a 7 year period at the end of time.

Revelation 7:14 And I said unto him, Sir, thou knowest. And he said to me, These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

Rachel tells Jacob she will die if she does not have children: Genesis 30:1 And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.

When Rachel finally has Joseph, meaning “will add” she names him such because God will give her another because of Joseph: Genesis 30:24 And she called his name Joseph; and said, The Lord shall add to me another son.

God does add another son for Rachel. She calls him Benoni meaning “son of her sorrow” and Jacob names him Benjamin meaning “son of the right hand”. Joseph is Strong’s H3130 and the gematria of this verse is 3130. God is saying this is the son He would add to her because of Joseph. Joseph is the strongest type of the first coming of Christ and His redemption for our sins:

Genesis 35:18 And it came to pass, as her soul was in departing, (for she died) that she called his name Benoni: but his father called him Benjamin.

Rachel dies as Benjamin was brought forth. Rachel means “ewe” so she is the lamb dying just as Jesus was our lamb who died for us and brought us redemption. Rachel can also be seen as a type of the Church going through tribulation and giving birth in this story. She travailed and had hard labor:

Genesis 35:16 And they journeyed from Bethel; and there was but a little way to come to Ephrath: and Rachel travailed, and she had hard labour. Earlier Rachel stole Laban’s gods and Jacob said whoever steals them must die:

Genesis 31:32 With whomsoever thou findest thy gods, let him not live: before our brethren discern thou what is thine with me, and take it to thee. For Jacob knew not that Rachel had stolen them.

Rachel sat on the gods to conceal them and said it was her menstrual cycle: Genesis 31: 34-35 Now Rachel had taken the images, and put them in the camel's furniture, and sat upon them. And Laban searched all the tent, but found them not. 35 And she said to her father, Let it not displease my lord that I cannot rise up before thee; for the custom of women is upon me. And he searched but found not the images.

God says our sins are like filthy rags. These filth rags are the rags covered in the blood of a woman’s menstrual cycle. Strong’s H5708 refers to the woman’s menstrual cycle and her blood and Strong’s H899 is the “rags” but also means “garments” or “coverings”:

Isaiah 64:6 But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.

The verse prior has a gematria of 4478. Rachel is Strong’s G4478. It is about us sinning but God providing righteousness and salvation:

Isaiah 64:5 Thou meetest him that rejoiceth and worketh righteousness, those that remember thee in thy ways: behold, thou art wroth; for we have sinned: in those is continuance, and we shall be saved.

Now it is easier to see the tie Biblically between Rachel and coming out of great tribulation. Rachel concealed her gods under her menstrual cycle rags or bloody garments. Before Christ saved us we were covered in bloody garments but Christ made them white with His blood. Interesting also that Laban means “white”.

#will schumacher #Rachel #Joseph #Benjamin #Jesus #Blood coverings #strong's numbers #gematria #Bible numbers #tribulation

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mochi-on-fire · 3 years

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HELLO MY STARS YES I'M GOING TO CALL YOU STARS BECAUSE HUMANS ARE MADE OF STARDUST AND ALL THAT AND YOU'RE ALL SPARKLY AND AMAZING SO YES STARS

I LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU ALL, YOU'RE ALL AMAZING, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU AND I'M ONE OF THEM NOW DAMMIT YOU ALL DESERVE A MILLION TRILLION QUADQUINTILLION GOOD THINGS AND MOST OF YOU AREN'T GETTING THEM ALL SO I'M MAKING IT MY MISSION TO GIVE THEM TO YOU

FEEL FREE TO TALK TO ME IN ANY WAY, VIA ASKS (ANON OR NOT IDC) OR DM OR LITERALLY ANY OTHER WAY I DON'T CARE BUT IF YOU NEED OR WANT TO TALK, PLEASE DO COME AND TALK TO ME

ALL OF YOU ARE AMAZING, I LOVE YOU ALL MY BEAUTIFUL STARS KEEP GOING WITH LIFE AND SOMETHING WILL MAKE YOU GLAD YOU DID 👏🏳️‍🌈✨💙😁

#love you all #seriously #i felt that someone needed this somewhere #so whoever you are thee who needed this post #here it is #you're all amazing #blog by candlelight

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avoidhawaaipapi · 2 years

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Hello There its me again whoever you are reading this wherever you are we're a lot alike. and this is not the usual me or the usual magic guy that you know , my mutuals know me differently so yeah this is gonna be different if that bothers you feel free to stop reading this right now

Hail to thee, blithe Spirit!

Bird thou never wert,

That from Heaven, or near it,

Pourest thy full heart

In profuse strains of unpremeditated art

It's 17th of November 2021 so this year has been kind of a been cunningly tricky I know you'd all be like "yeah no shit" I mean yeah true but it's something different for me It was a year of four needles penetrated into my knee cartilage when I was unconscious , a year of finding love , a year of self hate , a year of fighting with loneliness and self discovery. so most of my OG followers which is like 5 blogs know that I came out as bisexual this June and it was not something that I had control over I felt that I liked men so I just thought I should come out that will be cool even before knowing what that is , what it means to be labeled. and then I just didn't feel free enough not even in my safe zone. now I know this place is the queerest place on earth but I didn't feel safe at least that's what I thought to convince myself. and then I took down the post and then just lied to myself. The time when you start questioning something about yourself that is a time period that needs to be talked about I don't get why we just hide it , we don't talk about it as much as it deserves to be given importance to it. It was so much similar to being thrown off a plane . And that is just one part of it , figuring it out and then not accepting yourself for that , that thought , that is malignant. Now imagine getting thrown off a plane with your wings gnawed out by yourself . Now I don't hate people for who they are matter of fact I support them but when it comes to myself that's when my principles were put to interrogation. It took me a while to admit it to myself and I'm happy about how far I've come since my strifeful days. And even before I know I found my anchor to be held towards this world in the summer of 2021. And somehow the anchor is something that I needed but I just didn't know it yet , isn't it funny how you find what you've needed at that moment when you weren't even looking for it ? I guess it is. A few weeks ago i took my bike and pressed for time to my best friend's house who I've been in love with since I was 12. I told him how I feel he gave me a hug and told me "i still love you the same dickhead" but I couldn't tell him what I had for him and later on the feelings , they just turn into a bond that connects you to them , to him. It was almost like that we both had reciprocity over each other's shoulders for support. We both have a peculiar friendship because I cannot imagine keeping up life without him. Now imagine getting thrown off a plane with your wings gnawed out by yourself but being safely glided down by godly avian creatures , hovering above the ocean with your feet gently chafing against the water and being laid down in garth of flowers just about time to bloom. yeah that's how I felt I guess. Right now , I am sitting in front of my mom's laptop and typing this in my previous house with the door to my room half closed where i wrote my first poem. I don't know where everything is going right now and that's alright because we're not supposed to know lucky us , mortals. I've never been more grateful for love and life than I do right now , and as i said before we are so much alike in a certain twisted way , so thank you so much for being you and for inspiring me (yes I said inspiring) intentionally or unintentionally and love you.

- Magic guy , MG

#guess this deserves to be pinned #<333

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minithefutureawaits09 · 3 years

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To follow up on an earlier post

Link to AOS:

❤️Absolutely Smitten❤️

- TOS Spirk edition

A/n:

It gets pretty angsty so hold on.

Also know in this Fic, Bones doesn’t know the details about Tarsus IV that info is extremely classified and really, only select people know about it. So it’s really been swept under the carpet in this particular fic.

Spock heads down the hallway and to Jim’s quarters. Buzzing in as he always does.

....

No response.

So he tried again.

...

No response.

Now things were getting a little concerning. So when he buzzed for a third time and got no response he types in the override code for Jim’s quarters. Absolutely worried sick, and he realized standing there that...

Spock can’t feel their bond.

That prospect alone sends his heart racing even faster than his normal resting heart rate. Yet he swallows his panic as the doors open with their familiar squeak and he’s engulfed into a warm dark room. The doors squeak again as they closed behind him.

“Jim? My Jim, where are you? Are you alright?”

The worry while he can control it physically, slips into his tone. Eyes already adjusting for the darkness of the room, a small tribute to his Vulcan biology. His eyes adjust much quicker than a humans does.

“Go away Spock.”

Came the sharpest reply the Vulcan’s almost positive he’s ever heard. While the words themselves were not super harmful, the tone punctured.

On the bed was a small heep of blankets, he can only assume that huddled in all of those blankets was his Husband. He allows himself to frown and his brows to furrow. Jim never wanted him to leave whenever he was upset, always wanting him to hold close and not let go. So something, although going through his eidetic memory he doesn’t see anything.

“Jim, My-“

“I said Go. Away. Commander. Consider it an order from your Captain.”

Something was really wrong then. Yet he would not leave Jim’s side. Whatever it was, he had made a vow until death did they part. He wasn’t leaving.

“Then you will need to fill out the insubordination paperwork shortly.”

He sees the blankets move, and he can only assume he is being looked at.

“I am not leaving K’diwa. I am your bond mate, and I am worried about you. You did not answer your door, I cannot feel our bond, and your tone is enough evidence that there is something bothering you. I vowed to care for you and I intend to get to the bottom of it, so if that means facing insubordination charges then I will.”

More ruffling of sheets and blankets, and now he can see his bond mate. The dark brown hair, and make out his eyes in the darkness. Hand reached out towards him, and the pain is so sharp at the horrible broken voice his beloved uses. Their bond floods open and he can feel all of the jagged edges of self hatred attacking Jim’s mind.

“S-Sp-ock-”

His feet move on their own and in moments flat Spock had Jim in his lap still wrapped in a couple of blankets but held firmly. He sobs begging apologies from his lips and promises to never leave him. Every broken sound that leaves him makes the Vulcan’s heart ache, and wanting to tear apart whoever caused these precious tears to spill.

He assures Jim that he did no wrong, that he did not feel any hurt emotions at his words. That there was nothing there other than his overwhelming concern for the person he values the most. That he will always be there. Always.

He sends all of the pure intense love he feel for the brunette in his lap and reassurance through their bond to Jim. Using their physical proximity as an easy way to tap into his beloved’s head in gentle attempts to soothe the hurt he can feel. Whatever caused this got him good, where it hurt.

Eventually he calmed and Spock whispers gently resting his forehead against his human’s,

“K’diwa, My James, will you tell me now what is wrong?”

... There’s hesitation showing in those hazel eyes staring up at him,

“I promise you, no matter what you say, I will listen to every word.”

...

“Is there a problem with how I eat, Spock?”

What? That was such an odd question. Yet with those hazel eyes hanging onto his every moment for his reply he placed a gentle kiss to his forehead and answered,

“I have never seen it vary from normal that would produce the need for comment or medical intervention.”

...

“Do I hoard food, Spock?”

Spock instead of answering taps into their bond and catches just the thought of one event.

Tarsus IV

“Ha’su, does this have to do with Tarsus IV?”

He asks and Jim looks away ashamed- he knows he’s ashamed because he can’t hide it this close to Spock. Yet using one hand he guides his beautiful hazel gaze back to his own.

“My K’diwa, Tarsus IV is an indescribable horror you had to face at such a young age. I know you have tried your best to heal some of those wounds. I know this trauma will haunt you for the rest of your life, and it will always affect how you eat. A famine and genocide. Yes, I do notice you have a few non-perishable items around your quarters. However, I simply attributed them to the fact Humans need to eat more frequently.”

He runs a hand through those brown locks he loves so, so very much. He watches as those lips, a little swollen from his cries open,

“When food became such a struggle and for so long...I-I just—”

“Shh. You need not explain yourself to me. Your trauma and struggle with food is not invalid. It will never ever. Ever. Be invalid.”

This brings back a smaller wave of tears as his husbands arms wrapped around his neck rather then around his middle as they were originally.

“Did someone bring this up?”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“Bones. Though he didn’t bring Tarsus itself up, he just made a comment on my eating habits and it well...Lead to an argument. He doesn’t know the full story though. I just haven’t told him yet because I haven’t been ready to. He only knows what my records say. Which isn’t much because the federation wanted to keep it hush hush.”

Spock nodded. So he would have to make a trip to Medbay and have an informative discussion with Dr. McCoy.

“Please don’t be mad at Him. He doesn’t know,”

“I am not mad because he did not know. However, I will be having a conversation with him if you are amenable to that to inform him of it so you will not have to.”

He feels a gentle nod at his words. Agreeing with him

‘I love you, and thank you for not leaving me alone and being willing to talk to Bones for me.’

‘I love you too, my Jim. I am absolutely smitten for thee, and I wish you to never forget that. Sleep now,’

‘I won’t, I promise I will never forget...’

Sleep the brunette does. It’s almost mere moments and he feels their bond gently going dormant. It’s still several moments before he gently rests his husband down and goes to speak with McCoy.

—

(Bonus scenes because I feel like it)

—

“Oh my god,”

Leonard’s hand his over his mouth. He was sitting at his desk as Spock had advised him to do so. Shock and guilt coated over himself.

“I didn’t know, I swear-”

“He informed me of such. I am not mad Dr. McCoy. I simply wished for you to understand.”

“I need to go apologize-”

“He is resting, however I am willing to let you know when he wakes.”

“Yes. Right. Thank you, Spock. I promise, I never would of said anything if I’d known. The only thing in his files says is he’s a Tarsus IV survivor. Nothing more. I never even knew what it was until now.”

“I understand Dr. McCoy.”

And he does.

“I will leave you to process this, and to go attend to Jim when he wakes.”

Leonard nodded as Spock exited.

Spock was holding Jim as he yawns and those Hazel eyes open. He doesn’t say anything but he can feel the gentle buzz in his head from seeing that his husband was still here just as he promised he would be.

“Commander Spock to Medbay,”

“Medbay here, What is it?”

“The Captain is awake if you wish to see him,”

“Alright. Be up in 15 minutes.”

“Noted. Spock out,”

The transmission was cut.

His partner seemed confused, so Spock relayed the message.

“He wishes to apologize directly, and I said I would inform him of your awakening.”

A simple nod comes from Jim.

...

It was actually less than 15 minutes when Bones shows up. Normally Leonard would say something to get them apart, but given what happened he isn’t going to say a thing about Spock holding Jim.

“Jim?”

The brunette’s head turns to look at his best friend.

“Hey, I wanted to apologize for what I said.”

He sits down on the edge of the bed. Spock watches as those hazel eyes follow him.

“Jim, god. I never, I never would have said any- any of that if I had known. I promise you. I had no idea what sort of demon you deal with every time you go to eat in your head.”

“It’s alright-”

“It’s not though Jim. I shouldn’t have said those things in-”

“Leonard.”

The doctors name makes him fall quiet.

“Leonard, You didn’t know. I hadn’t told you...Yet now that you know, could we schedule an appointment to maybe..do something about it?”

“Maybe try some anti-anxiety medications?”

Jim nodded.

“You got it kiddo. Whenever you’re ready you just let me know alright?”

“Alright.”

Bones gives a nod to Spock who had been silent for this whole time. He knows that means to gently and lovingly encourage him to do so in the near future. He leaves but not before Jim surprised them both by pulling the doctor into a hug. They held on for just a few moments and even Spock could tell the world was alright once more. The doctor then left, and Spock went back to holding his partner. Humming as he gently guided him back to sleep, and shortly drifted off after.

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michaelmilligan · 3 years

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Destiel fix-it fic (post 15x19)

Okay so this is 1,8k of fix-it for that horrible shit we call an 'ending'. Yes, I am still not over the finale. No, I will not take criticism at this time. (I meant to work on a genderfluid Dean(na) fic which will likely have several parts, but this wouldn't leave my brain so here you go. No beta, just pure rage against the machine that churned out the finale.) (Also my first time adding a cut so if it doesn't work please tell me.)

Dean hadn't taken it well. Not that Sam could blame him. He himself was still struggling with everything that had happened. Chuck snapping everyone away, the fear and the desperation... But they won, and everyone was back. Well, everyone except Cas.

Dean had said “just us” and Sam had said the same and they had driven for a while and it had been good to be on the road, to finally be free. But at the end of the day, it wasn't just them, and that was good too. Great even. There were Jody and the girls. Eileen. Donna. Charlie and Stevie. Garth and his family. All these people they knew and loved, everyone they cared about. Everyone was safe. Everything was good.

Except for Cas.

It had taken a few days for it to really sink in for Sam that he was gone. After all, he hadn't been there when it had happened. Hell, Dean had never even really told him how it went down. But Dean's grief was undeniable, the way he drunk himself into oblivion, much like the last time they had lost Cas, when they had also lost their mom. Both losses had been temporary, but they hadn't known that at the time.

Now their mom was gone for good, up in Heaven and apparently happy. And Cas was gone too, probably in the Empty if he was dead. Sam missed him, of course he did. He was their best friend, the other father in their trio, however weird that sounded. Also Sam also missed Jack, not knowing if they would ever see him again, now that he was almighty and all that. But Sam handled it, he always handled it, and he had Eileen to keep him company, to hold him when he needed to cry.

Dean had noone, hadn't had anyone in years. Maybe he had never had anyone who would do that for him, and Sam was starting to worry about Dean's liver as well as his mental health. Not that any of them could be great in that department, but so far they had always been able to keep it together. Now Sam wasn't so sure.

As he walked into the kitchen, he half expected to find Dean slumped over, drooling onto the kitchen table with a half-full bottle of whiskey in his hand. Instead, the room was empty, no empty bottles in sight. Huh.

Sam set out in search for his brother, trying his room first but finding it just as empty. It took him several minutes before he ducked his head into the library, and finally saw Dean sitting at a table, several books open in front of him.

“Dean? What are you doing?”

Dean's shoulders tensed for a moment, but he didn't turn around.

“Research,” he said gruffly, sounding like he had woken up less than an hour ago.

“On what? You got a case?” Sam came into the room, looking over the books. He saw Enochian, an angel summoning spell, a dictionary... “What's this for?”

Dean pressed his lips into a thin line. “Cas,” he croaked out. “We've got to... there has to be a way.”

“Dean. I thought you said he was dead. You know we can't... There's no way to get him from the Empty.”

Dean gritted his teeth, looking like he was about to snap. “That dude almost got Lucifer out, but we can't get Cas back?” He sprang up, walking towards the nearest shelf just to stare at it.

“Dean. What even happened? How did... you never told me what happened,” Sam tried, hoping against hope that his brother wouldn't just clam up like every other goddamn time he tried to talk about something difficult.

“He... he just. Goddamnit, he said- He- he made a deal with the Empty and then-”

“Wait, what? The Empty was there? Why the hell would he make a-”

“No, I mean. Before. He made the deal to save Jack, back when... It agreed to take him instead of Jack, but only... only if... and he said...” Dean's shoulders were shaking as he leaned his forehead against the shelf. “He... he summoned it. The Empty. To take him away so it would take Billie too. And I... I couldn't do anything. There was... we had no weapons, nothing to fight the Empty, nothing to fight Billie and he...” Sam couldn't see his face, but he could hear the tears in his voice.

“Okay. Okay.” Sam let out a deep breath. It wasn't the first time one of them had sacrificed himself for the others. And like any other time, Dean couldn't let it go. Well, not that Sam had always been able to. “So you want to get him back. You think that's wise?”

Dean whirled to him, his eyes hard and full of tears. “What?”

“I'm just saying... Cas sacrificed himself to save you. And now you're going to endanger yourself to get him back, do you think that's really what he wants? And even if we had a way of getting to the Empty, who says that we're gonna be able to get Cas out, or that the Empty won't just snatch him again as soon as we're back on Earth?”

But Dean's face had completely shuttered closed. This was one of the times were no logical arguments would get through to him.

“I'll find a way,” he said, turning back to the shelf to sort through the books.

Sam sighed, and after watching his brother for a while, he left him to it, deciding to let him grieve in his own way.

It was about three days later when Sam heard a noise from the entrance. Frowning, he walked towards it, wondering if Dean had invited anyone. Eileen wasn't scheduled to come over, but maybe she had wanted to surprise him? He had told her not to come, didn't want her to see Dean like that, but then again when did she ever listen to him?

When he saw who was coming down the stairs from the entrance, Sam felt his eyes widen.

“Jack!”

The boy – God, whatever – smiled and raised his hand.

“Dean! Dean, Jack is here,” Sam called in the direction of the corrdor, then hurried over to him. He hesitated, not sure if you were supposed to hug the newly appointed God. But Jack was his son and he had missed him, so in the end he pulled him into a tight hug. Jack returned it, squeezing him and still smiling when they pulled apart.

Which was when Sam noticed the other figure coming down the stairs and he gasped. “Cas?” He looked at Jack, who just kept smiling, and Sam laughed and pulled Cas into a hug, too. Cas returned it, though a little more carefully than Jack, and his smile wasn't as bright. Maybe a little... shy? Embarrassed?

“Dean? Dean! It's- Dean, get your ass over here!” Sam called again, hardly believing their luck.

Dean jerked awake to a stiff neck and an aching back, hunched over on the library table, drool on a three-hundred year old book. He thought he'd heard Sam, calling for him, and he got up to walk out of the library in spite of his protesting body. “Sam?” he called as walked along the corridor, anxiety forming in his gut. What if something was wrong? What if they were under attack? What if the next big villain – whoever that might be after thee actual God – was here to get them? Or maybe just some regular monster, ready to tear them apart, taking them by surprise?

Dean pulled his gun and tread carefully, peering around each corner before rounding it. He heard voices from the entrance, and by the time he was almost at the door, he heard a laugh. It sounded like Sam... He still peeked around the door frame before getting in and saw Jack, just standing there, looking comfortable.

“Jack?” Dean made his way over to him quickly, not believing his eyes. “What are you- I thought you-”

“Dean!” Jack beamed at him and Dean couldn't not pull him into a hug.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Hi.” Jack squeezed him tight.

When Dean looked towards Sam, he also saw... no. This wasn't possible, was it? Dean pulled back, eyes wide, just staring for a moment before he turned towards Jack. “You- how-”

“I know I said I'd be hands-off, but...” Jack shrugged, looking apologetic. “I didn't want to be.”

Dean let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding, his eyes going back to Cas. His eyes were prickling, and he suddenly noticed how Cas evaded his eyes, peering up at him from beneath his eyelashes almost shyly.

“Thank you,” Dean said to Jack, aware of the tremor in his voice, and then he rushed towards Cas.

“You goddamn- fucking moron,” he hissed as he wrapped him in the tightest hug he might have ever given anyone. “Stupid fucking dumbass.”

“Uh,” Cas made, sounding insecure. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean gripped him the shoulders when he pulled back, then put his hands on Cas' face. “You fucking- what does that even mean, huh? 'It's in the just saying it'. What the fuck. What the actual fuck!”

Cas squinted at him, opened his mouth, closed it again.

“You-” Dean cut himself off, running out of words, so he kissed Cas instead. It was a rough kiss, and long, and Cas seemed to have trouble keeping up, his hands coming up to claw at the flannel on Dean's back.

Dean was vaguely aware of a gasp behind him, but he was still laser-focused on Cas, glaring daggers at him.

“You maybe wanna re-think that?” He shoved him.

“Uh, I- I do?” Cas said, still looking terribly confused, and Dean couldn't help but kiss him again, just as roughly at first but getting softer over time until they were just breathing each other's air.

“You fucking asshole. You could have said something sooner! Before you got your ass dragged to the-” Dean stopped, feeling his face going through several emotions at once.

Cas squinted at him. “So could you.”

Dean stared at him, hearing Jack say “What's wrong, Sam?”, and yet he still couldn't have cared less.

“Goddamnit, you're right, we're both dumbasses.” When Cas opened his mouth, he added: “No, Cas, 'trusting' really doesn't cut it here.”

Cas huffed out a laugh – and wasn't that a sight for sore eyes. Dean kissed him again, hearing Jack in the background: “Wait, is this something new? I always thought they were just not very public about it.”

Dean grinned against Cas' lips, and Cas smiled back as Dean pulled him into another hug.

Meanwhile, Jack was still talking: “You know what, I think they need a minute. And I want to eat Crunch Cookie Crunch. Do you still have any?”

#Destiel #Supernatural fanfiction #Destiel fanfic #How do you even tag #Deancas #deancas fanfiction #Finale fix-it #After this Jack tells them that he doesn't want to be God #'I'm three Dean. Three! I'm not even legally allowed to drive yet'#And Dean goes 'You're also not allowed to drive because you legally don't exist... but yeah okay I get it'#They find a way for Jack to give up his God mojo to power Heaven directly #And Jack comes back home #They live happily ever after #Noone dies or fucks off into the sunset #The End #Except of course it's not an end it's just the beginning of the rest of their lives #Quiet domestic lives #Occasional hunts or helping younger/less experienced hunters #But all in all just two guys being gay married raising a son together with their brother and his wife #Eileen is awesome and teaches Jack all manner of dangerous shit #Claire and Eileen hang out and she becomes a cool aunt #Jack and Claire are siblings (TM)#Anyway this is already too many tags you get the gist

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