#so yeah it's depression all around fuck yeah

[angelfirewalker]

The 15th of December last year 2023, was the moment when I finally succumbed to watching Good Omens for the first time. I had deliberately avoided watching it... as I was very over Angels and Fallen Angels and deep in a mire of depression. I also didn't have prime. I went dog sitting overnight for some neighbours around the corner. I decided to finally watch it as they had all channels. I watched both seasons in the 18 hours I was there..very little sleep. I knew it would be a dangerous slippery slope being Angel based. Of course it was even better than I could of imagined.

I went home and started watching the YouTube clips the fandom had compiled. I bought the book, I am not a big reader... Dyslexic. So I listened to the audio and read along with it.... this kept me going for nearly 2 weeks.

Then 2 days after Christmas, I lost a long term friend suddenly from a cardiac arrest . He was one of my Lindsay Kemp Company family, and I was so upset.. I was in a Fuck it mood and decided I needed to sign up to prime... I needed Good Omens...I needed David and Michael to lift my spirit. Then, a week later, we lost another Kemp Company member to cancer, which was expected...2 in a week. It felt like the late 80s and early 90s when we lost 5 Company members to the dreadful disease Aids... Needless to say Good Omens became my safe place . Maybe it's my religion now it seems far more logical to me.

And now, exactly 4 months later, I have just finished watching them for the 10th time...is that normal or too many times?

I cried again at end of season 2... it's happened everytime I have watched it. I think it won't happen again, I know it's coming, then that tear in Crowley's eye gets me every fucking time. I AM such a bloody softy.....and the floodgates open.

As silly as it seems, this silly story of 2 fictional daft winged creatures has got me through some very dark moments in the last few months.

It has kicked started my creativity again, which was null and void in the depression. I am glad I decided to watch it 4 months ago as it the show,has become almost my best friend.

David and Michael are the soothing voices in my head now. Mind you, their prose, also known as Gaiman's English, is my current fluent language.....along with sarcasm.

Just say I know how Crowley feels right now.

Off to finish crying....😭 maybe by the 20th watch of both seasons, I won't cry anymore.

Yeah right! 🤣

So thank you @neil-gaiman for the restoration of some sanity during this bumpy time... instead of being a Sanity Assassin ... and for being the genius to put DT and MS together.... ❤ but I would not expect anything else from someone brought up in the South Downs area of Sussex like me.😉

#good omens #neil gaiman #crowleygoodomens #demon crowley #good omens crowley #good omens s2 #anthony j crowley #aj crowley #david tennant #michael sheen #angel aziraphale #Aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley #Youtube #the sanity assassin #bauhaus #good omens prime

[anundyingfidelity]

I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part VII)

Series summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 3.2k.

Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.

Warnings on this chapter: sexual tension, suggestive stuff.

Notes: bonding chapter of this slow burn aaaa thanks again for reading :D

this fic tags: @k-slla @syrma-sensei @mostlymarvelgirl @cheynovak @drasticemotions @soldirboy @deans-spinster-witch

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!

Part VII: No More Doubts

When you left the motel early after a quick and dull breakfast, Ben was a pain in the ass as he kept asking question after question on the road. You knew he could just leave you alone but it wasn’t really something you’d like him to do. He was a fugitive, so were you. Soldier Boy knew better than that and he only had to stay by your side as much as he hated the idea. The only thing you could truly answer was that you were driving to a safer place. At least you were hoping it was. When you pulled the car after driving hours between the grove, Soldier Boy was waking up from his nap. You thanked heaven for that.

“We’re here,” you announced, turning off the engine.

Ben stirred on his seat, taking in the view of the house and nature and got out of your car, following you to the front door. He couldn’t help but to look around in somewhat awe. It was a large cottage-style house decorated with earth tones, great walls and columns. The place was surrounded by countless trees, making the weather bearable and somewhat nice due to the hidden location. The leaves climbed on some of the windows and the plants and flowers rested on the ground perfectly neat. He assumed you came here often. But it wasn’t really the place you used to come by and sleep every single day. It was too far away from the facility. As you unlocked the door, Ben followed inside, not without taking a last glance at your surroundings. No homes were near, nothing was to be seen. Only you and him inside this big fucking house.

The indoors were no different from the impression he got first. The decoration, the expensive sofa where you threw the sports bag, and the paintings and pots all over the place were saying you were rich. Of course, a fucking rich whore you were, he thought to himself. And he wondered where your real place was located.

“So, I’m gonna show you a guest room and then around, please don’t screw my house,” you said, giving him the sports bag.

“Got something to drink?” he asked, a smirk plastering on his face as he stepped closer to where you were standing.

“Water I do.”

Ben chuckled for a bit, eyes not leaving your face. “You’re so fucking boring, you know?”

“Yeah, well, alcohol is not really an important supply. Just follow me and maybe I’ll get you some later,” you said, turning around to get to the stairs.

You knew he did as you asked when his big steps echoed around the place. Once you were on the second floor, you motioned him to the next room a couple of feet away from yours and gave him directions about the bathroom and the manners. If he was going to be in your place, then he had to behave.

“I told you already, I’m not a fucking animal,” he complained after hearing your orders.

“Sure,” you dragged the word, eyes narrowed. “Because last night you were so civilized in the bathroom.”

He scoffed and then chuckled. “Did I get too loud?”

“You fucking tell me,” you replied with a much annoying smile on your face to match his own.

“Could’ve joined me. We’re not patient and doctor anymore,” 

“No.”

Just as the last word fell off your lips, your phone rang. Quickly you took the call, realizing it was Grace. You left Soldier Boy in his room and walked down the stairs a little too fast.

“You made it?” she asked on the other line.

“Yeah, arrived just minutes ago,” you answered, checking the stairs in case he followed. “Where are you, Grace?”

“That doesn’t matter. I have something for you.”

“Okay, tell me.”

“I will text you an address and an hour. Today. Don’t miss it.”

Your phone buzzed, announcing the information had arrived.

“I won’t.”

“I’ll keep calling through different phone numbers. Do what you have to do to complete the cure,” she said, like if she knew what was happening between both now.

Soldier Boy was unbearable but you had to keep him on track. Luckily, you were back home again and you’ll be working on the Anti V soon, praying the last bits of information and results of the last test were there for some reason.

“I’m doing my best,” you sighed.

Grace hummed.

“Good.”

“Any updates so far?”

Ben’s smooth voice woke you up from your daydreaming while you sat together in the dining room.

You had been able to make something quick for lunch after Grace called and you found yourself all jittery and tense, hoping Soldier Boy wouldn’t notice. But he did sense something different from you. So he kept insisting on what was going on.

“I don’t know,” you whispered, taking the last sip of water from your glass. You avoided his eyes, looking away.

He rolled his eyes and narrowed at you. “Has your office contacted you?” 

You shook your head.

“So they’re dead,” he said. Not asking, but affirming it.

A heavy sigh left your lips, your eyes going back to his harsh ones. “Leaving was the best.”

“Who’s that you keep in touch with?”

“What?”

Ben groaned slightly before snapping back with a low voice. “C’mon, Y/N. You called yesterday on the road, and now you receive a call. Who the fuck is it?”

His question is not just an inquiry anymore. He’s demanding to know. But you also know he hated Grace Mallory for putting him to sleep again, confined to a chamber where he’d be a trophy for the government to do whatever they wanted, how they wanted. Until you appeared, offering him empty words. Just like everyone.

“My superior.”

Your answer hit him like a truck. He knew it was Grace, but he didn’t like hearing it from you. 

The truth was, Ben didn’t like you… Not that much. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t. Sometimes he wanted to kill you, sometimes the small common sense he still had on his head would say you’d be better alive. He had been thinking of going away, but not he didn’t really want to. He knew you had been working with Grace, he was no idiot. So maybe staying close should get him even closer to Homelander and Vought. He also thought of Ryan back in the cell you had put him in. He was so damn afraid Ryan would become like his father. And since the brat has been protected before by many people, finding would not be easy. That’s where your contacts and network would be a help to him. He was hoping to find something at your place to find them and the information he craved.

“Right,” he said, alarmingly calm and quiet. He took the last bite of pasta on the plate and swallowed down in silence under your gaze. You didn’t know what else to say.

“So, these powers of yours,” he continued, drinking the last sip of juice. “How’d you get them?”

“Why do you want to know?”

He shrugged. “I mean, they’re pretty fucking useless against me,” his words made you chuckle. Of course you knew that. “But I’m just wondering if you’d be with them.”

Your face turned back to a somber demeanor. “The Seven?”

He gave you a nod.

“Well, it’s not like all supes dream of that,” you uttered. “I just wanted to be normal.”

Ben raised a brow at your sudden confession. “Someone exploded everyone’s heads at the CIA. Sorry to say, sweetheart, but you suck at being normal.”

“Yeah, details I have to work with.”

“I take it you never went to them,” he continued and saw confusion on your face. “Vought.”

The word made you shudder for a slight moment, and you quickly tried to collect yourself to avoid him noticing.

“No, I never did.”

He scrutinized your eyes, hearing the poor increase of your heartbeats. They were enough to tell him something was wrong. But he decided to play along, so he nodded and gave you a rather compassionate look.

“Must be thankful they didn’t fuck up your life then.”

He had no idea.

You had parked the car outside an abandoned gas station; it was one of the nearest grocery stores to your home years ago. The now wasteland was almost two hours away, with a gas station around ten miles elsewhere. You had been waiting for Grace outside the car, leaning against the hood. Bored, you checked your phone again. When you arrived it was already past three o’clock. When twenty minutes went by, you wanted so badly to drive and get inside the next store you see and buy yourself food and supplies enough to survive a week or two with the idiotic supe now staying at your home. Grace said would be calling through a different phone but you received no calls so far. You’ve been waiting for more than an hour and the drive home wasn’t going to be shorter. Suddenly another car came into sight, pulling over near yours. Two men came out of it.

“Doctor Y/N?”

The stranger with the unknown voice and a weird accent caught your attention. Soon, you found the two tall men standing in front of you in the parking lot.

“We’re here on behalf of Grace Mallory,” the man continued.

He wore a long dark trench coat, looking rough and intimidating. The total opposite to the younger one, who gave you a kind smile once your eyes settled on him.

“How-”

“We have something for you,” the younger man continued. “I’m Hughie. Hughie Campbell,” he introduced himself, giving you a hand and fixing the backpack on his shoulder with the other one. You took it after a moment of hesitation. “He’s Billy Butcher, we’ve worked with Grace before.”

You nodded. “I thought she was the one coming.”

“She’s not in shape for that,” Billy answered. He realized your face changed at his words and quickly explained himself. “Vought’s cunts are looking for her, not safe.”

“Fuck,” you mumbled under your breath. “Great, awesome. So what do you have for me?”

“We, uhm, we made it to your facility and thought these could do some help,” Hughie took out a pouch and gave it to you.

With trembling hands you opened the pouch and sighed in relief. Five test tubes of the Anti V prototype were laid there. “You found them.”

“And we found a little bit more,” Butcher continued. “Victoria Neuman exploded the heads of your employees back there. We believe Vought had been sneaking and getting spies for themselves.”

“Victoria is a supe,” you voiced out. “A supe is running for vice president…”

“Yeah, long story,” Hughie commented. “She’s obviously linked with Homelander and Vought. Everyone was dead when we arrived; lab assistants, guards, agents, the supes… We believe her mission was to just let you and Soldier Boy out, besides stealing information about the cure you’re working on. Probably to give it to Vought.”

“Anything weird happen there before the attack?” Billy asked, not giving you time to swallow Hughie’s words.

“Uhm, yeah. Actually my lab assistant… She tried to warn me and, well, she was crying and asking me to leave. I didn’t know why until her head just- you know…”

You choked a little with your words. The picture of her body and the last seconds of her life were all you got. Everything was equally horrible that day.

“I’m sorry,” Hughie whispered.

“It’s fine,” you cleared your throat. “And I assume you didn’t find anything else? Information? Files?”

“Computers were destroyed. No files. No info. Nothing,” Butcher answered. “Grace says you’re the leader of the project. You have copies, right?”

“Why everybody keeps fucking asking me that? Of course I do!” you almost yelled, eyes full of rage staring at him.

“Easy there, doc,” Butcher lifted up his hands in surrender. “We just wanna get rid of those cunt supes as much as you want. Nothing wrong to make sure.”

“Well, I do have them,” you replied with a cocky smile. “Thank you very much for your concern, Adele.”

Butcher rolled his eyes, sharing a look with Hughie before switching his attention back to you.

“Yeah, sure you do, luv.”

It was already seven o’clock when you arrived home with supplies and food. Ben, as usually, acted like a fucking caveman claiming he was hungry and you had to act like the housewife, serving him a fucking hamburger and a glass of wine. That was the only liquor you bought. Despite his complaints, his hunger was greater and he devoured the greasy food with no table manners at all.

“You could chew your food like a fucking human being, you know,” you said, eating the last french fries you had. 

He turned his eyes to your face, pointing with his finger. “You were gone for like five hours.”

“So? There’s fruit in the fridge.”

Ben narrowed his gaze, like if he had been offended.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know how to serve something for yourself,” you teased. He didn’t say a word, and you giggled. “That’s fucking pathetic.”

He leaned towards the dining table, eyes locked on yours. “No, you just don’t know your fucking place, woman.”

“I just saved your life, Ben. At least say thanks,” you beamed, having too much fun by seeing him upset for mundane things.

“No, you didn’t.”

You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your wine. “Fine. I didn’t. Let’s go past this and start over. If you’re gonna live here, for now, then you’ll have to learn how to respect me.”

His brows raised. “I thought I already did.”

“Offering yourself to fuck me in a cheap motel is not respectful, Soldier Boy.”

“Well, I didn’t try anything, did I?” Ben finished his sentence at the same time he finished his dinner.

He waited for a smart comeback from you but it never came. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and a stupid grin appeared on his lips. “Unless you want to.”

“No, we’ve been through it. My answer is still no.”

“Then, mind to fucking tell me if you found something by now?”

He changed the topic swiftly. His playful demeanor switched immediately and you sighed, knowing he might have to hear anything to keep him down.

“You’re in danger.”

“I’m the strongest supe ever, that doesn’t make any damn sense,” Ben scoffed.

“Listen, we need to hide from Vought. Hide and not leave a trace, because now I’m involved with you and they’re absolutely looking for your ass,” you gave him a stern look as you went on. “If I fall, you go with me. And if you fall, then I don’t know if they’d still want me. But you’ll be fucked anyway.”

Ben nodded. In his mind, it didn’t sound like a bad plan. In the end, that’s what he wanted; to get closer to Vought and Homelander to get over with them. The world didn’t deserve those fuckers. And as much as Homelander was created with his own DNA, he knew better than to let a scum like him walk around the planet. You already gave him something, a clue. He had to play along for now. If they took you in first, then he might probably bargain to be him instead. It was only fair. He was the one that mattered anyway.

“Okay, I get it. I’ll stay here. But I don’t want those fucking therapies anymore,” he expressed, his gaze not moving away from the surprised look on your face. “Understand?”

You blinked a couple of times, shifting on your seat and chuckling under your breath. “It’s fine, believe me. I can’t stand you more than you do.”

Ben held your gaze, daring you to try something else. Instead, you smiled and got up and took your empty dishes to the sink. His eyes followed your moves, focusing on your small shorts and the softness of your legs. And you knew he was definitely checking you out when you talked.

“By the way, you’ll have to help me wash the dishes.”

He stood up, plates on his hands and walked behind your figure, putting them on the sink as you opened the faucet. His arms surrounded you once he did so and you flinched a bit. Ben smirked, feeling the reaction of your body trapped against his.

“Get away,” you ordered in a whisper, unable to move.

“I’m helping you, Y/N,” he breathed your name against your neck, his hand wrapping on yours gripping on the edge of the sink.

The only sound now was his hot breath on your skin and the water flowing. You quickly turned the faucet off, but you didn’t try to push him away.

It was the second time during the day he had said your name, ever. And you wouldn’t deny it sounded fucking delightful. He had only addressed you as his ‘doctor’, but now it was different. Though, you didn’t want to give into him. He was a huge douchebag and you were basically forced to spend time with him, in your home, without really wanting him there. You felt his lips ghosting over the sensitive skin of your neck, and the primal part of you yearned for his touch, but the rational one won over and you freed yourself from his arms.

“Stop doing that,” you warned once you were face to face. His eyes were dark already and had a sparkle you knew too much since the day before.

“Alright,” he nodded.

“Just- let’s just wash these. I want to sleep.”

With a tired sigh, you walked down the basement. It was already midnight and Ben was locked inside his room, probably jerking off or something since you, once again, rejected him in your kitchen. Inside the dark room, you found the metal door that let you inside the bunker and unlocked it with the code. When you stepped in, you made sure to turn on the power and lights that illuminated the room and the small lab in the back. The computers started to run and you sat down on the main monitor, leaving the pouch with the Anti V tubes on the side of the desk.

Yeah, you might have told Butcher and Grace you had copies of every detail of the project. But you were afraid of the last stuff you discovered just before the attack. You knew well how the information was protected and encrypted, but it didn’t really assure you the profile of Solaris would be there. He was the first and last supe who had his powers off for a couple of hours at least and the feeling of losing it all had been eating you the last few hours after meeting with Grace’s messengers.

It took you a while to decrypt the system, something you had been already used to doing every time you got there to keep working on it, just to make sure no one would steal it. Hopefully, Vought hadn’t discovered it before destroying the facilities, you thought. And after a while, you found the last updates of the last test your team ran. Solaris profile and test was there. Not just in written letters, but the footage of the test and the exact formula that was used too. Now, you were so lucky.

“Well, thank you, Bianca. Wherever you are,” you whispered to yourself and took a tube from the pouch the men gave you earlier. You had a busy night ahead.

#soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy imagines #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy fanfiction #the boys amazon prime #the boys amazon #the boys series #jensen ackles fanfiction #soldier boy/ben

[boozles]

Day Fourteen: Top five sad boys

Akk, The Eclipse He's our ultimate sad boy, isn't he? Those fucking eyes. He's closeted and confused, he wants what he thinks he can't have, he wants to do what's right but has been conditioned to protect his abusive superiors. He's literally the moon to Ayan's sun, and he shines to much brighter when Ayan is with him.

Phob, Something in my Room The cheeriest sad boy around. This series actually tore me apart, to the point I called my brother after the finale, bawling my heart out because, "they didn't get to grow old together," "but now they have eternity together!" Phob tries to be cheery and smiley for Phat, but deep down he's just sad. I mean, he literally took his own life because he was just so depressed with how bad his life had gotten. Then, he allowed himself to fall in love even though he knew he was on limited time. I absolutely LOVE this precious boy, and I will fight anyone who says anything bad about my sad little ghost baby.

Tharn, The Sign No one is gonna argue with this, right? This poor little tiny itty bitty baby is not only the reincarnation of a murdered Naga princess, but his parents were murdered, he was forced to live in a Buddhist temple for his adolescence because karma was against him, a Naga Prince General stalked him from his childhood and killed anyone to get close to him, then when he meets his eternal soul mate he has to constantly watch the universe try and kill the guy. He eventually ends up being a prisoner for a year (yeah yeah, I know he was 'caring' for Chalothon, but lets not pretend things didn't go in Chalothon's favour for a while), knowing that the man he loved was out there, no doubt a broken human.

Oh-Aew, I Told Sunset About You/I Promised You The Moon Oh, this precious little twink is my son. His best friend falls out with him because Oh-Aew realises he enjoys the same thing, then he gets his feelings messed around when they finally reunite, and then when things are going well he gets cheated on, and only gets a happy ending after going through emotional hell. However, he's so loving; he loves his friends, and always wants to make his parents happy. He's so precious, and deserves the world.

Gaipa, Moonlight Chicken We didn't get nearly enough Gaipa in the series, but he's a precious sad boy with a longing, eternally unrequited love for an older man (*cough* there is like5 years between the actors *cough*) and he does everything he can to show his love. He gets knocked back, then his mother dies and it's all just heart wrenching.

#blchallenge2k24 #moonlight chicken #something in my room #the eclipse #i told sunset about you #itsay #i promised you the moon #ipytm #the sign #thai drama #bl drama #drama

[opens-up-4-nobody]

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Like this has to be a thing right? It's a thing I experience at least. Please please please tell me abt ur experience if u do 🙏

#all the literature i find is like yeah pmdd can be mistaken for bipolar but then they dont talk abt mania or hypomania #so im like ??? wtf is happening? #i mean i wasnt looking that hard but its still weird to me bc i tell my mum i possibly had a hypomanic episode and she instantly was like #hm could b hormones and she was 1000% percent right bc it happens mostly in the days before bleeding starts #so like i cant b the only one out there. and it doesnt happen all the time. and usually its not that extreme #like id say its mostly just elevated mood and it mostly just lasts like 3 days or so. so i dont think it counts as hypomania. but thats wha #ill select bc i had one time that felt so fucking crazy it felt like there was something seriously wrong with me. it was fun tho #before i crashed so hard i had to leave work in the middle of the day bc i couldnt stop crying lol #anyway. im curious #menstruation #pmdd #pms #its always depression this depression that. why the fuck do i wanna run around in circles screaming until i die? riddle me that batman

[syrasenturi]

scribbly amphibbies

bonus christmas garfapillar

#amphibia #marcy's journal spoilers #kinda #syrass #im too embarrassed to talk more about my post amphibia anne ideas #but a little bit of it #it's like around when she starts drifting from sasha and marce but also realizing what she wants to do in life #hence the froggies #but she becomes like a local cryptid #there's still lingering effects of her powers but she feels she's grown too distant from the only people she can talk to about it to even br #ing it up so she tries to deal with it on her own #i dont want it to be all angsty but it is a good bit and i dont have all the details but yeah #anyway unrelated but my best marcys are the fucked up ones #which i dont like perpetuating no because i think it's bad but because i think marcy would not react super uhhh sad? idk how to word it #she'd be more avoidant and play it off i think and not so much fall back on depression as just sad melancholy that she'd then turn to #some kind of positivity i think idk she's an excited kid and nd you know #ok thats the most ive talked about anything in a while time to shut up again goodbye #also thanks for everyone who bought garfapillar stickers i hope you like them <3

[designernishiki]

just a thought but like. if akiyama, who’s established as being a bizarrely talented investigator in y5, suspected kiryu’s death to have been faked (or at least “fishy” in his own words) basically on the fucking Spot, i feel like it just makes sense that majima would’ve been just as quick, if not quicker to see where shit wasn’t adding up and become skeptical that the whole thing was a coverup. reason being, in y5 he put shit together and figured out the grand scheme going on so damn early most people didn’t even suspect yet that there was any scheme going on. he then faked his own death well enough to get it in the papers and had masterminded himself all the way to the final boss (with some help of course) before things backfired on him. so he’s got some crazy good skills when it comes to reading people, figuring out their intentions, putting puzzle pieces together, etc– way better than he wants people knowing, generally– and he knows the hallmark signs of a faked death because he’s literally done it before. all that on top of knowing kiryu like the back of his hand and knowing damn well how hard this man is to kill, and how prone to running away from shit for the sake of the safety of people he cares about (for better or for worse) he is. he could absolutely put together that, if given the opportunity by some faction or powerful individual, kiryu would sacrifice his identity and status as a legit living person for the assured safety of others, or for yakuza tensions to diminish, or maybe even as an act of self-flagellation.

tldr: I think the reasons majima didn’t go rogue/apeshit after kiryu’s alleged death are that A) for once he has saejima around to reign him in and make it feel less like Everything has been lost, B) I think he’s legitimately known pretty much all along that kiryu didn’t die that day; nor would he believe it unless he saw it with his own eye.

#however. I also think it would clash with his tendency to be way more cynical and nihilistic than his persona makes him seem #like I do think he’d be pretty fucking sure in his gut And with his logic that kiryu wasn’t dead #but there’d be a pesky depressive part of him that’d scold him for being too idealistic or hopeful in a world that’s so fond of #torturing him. he doesn’t think himself Lucky to say the least. but if he held out hope for saejima while he was on death row for literally #years and saejima did make it back to him in one piece eventually– he’d have some ammo to reason with himself if that makes sense #that + I feel like saejima upon hearing him spiral into supposedly ‘realistic’ nihilism would Strongly reassure him #via reminding him that HE made it back to majima in the end. and that saejima himself knows from experience what a faked death feels like #and how holding onto hope Can in fact be fruitful in the end. overall a bad time for majima after kiryu’s fake death obviously but #he’d be surprisingly stable with all that going for him. makes me think he and saejima would really be the ones keeping daigo from falling #apart. considering he doesn’t have basis for the kind of hope they’re capable of having. almost everyone important to daigo dies eventually #his dad. mine right in front of him. now kiryu. boy must have abandonment issues off the damn charts. #I also like to think he hung around shinada a bit after that incident to just have Something good and pure in his life occasionally. but #he’d be cautious and occasional about it out of fear that he’d ruin shinada’s life or cause him trouble #anyway. many thoughts about all this. they didn’t dive nearly enough into the old guard characters’ reactions to kiryu’s ‘death’ so. yeah #rambling #y6 #majima #kazumaji

[homestuck--edits]

Can i have some davesprite x nepeta for the crowd (1 guy, me)

IM THE CROWD IM ALSO THE CROWD HEY HEY I AM THE CROWD TOO!!

-mod davesprite

#mod davesprite #homestuck #homestuck panel edit #davesprite #nepeta leijon #davenep #anyway. so gf used to spend every day here yeah #shed do college work or just chill and i would hang out w her and it was swag #but shes going back to in person classes #so :(((( i dont get to see her and. i have to. do something all day #fellas i was clawing through the walls burning houses down on fucking. two hour late starts #and now i need to do things? all day? #aughhhh i just get so fucking BORED #and i cant work (mental health) and theres no volunteer organizations around i can actually contribute to #so... i guess i just get to sit around and get more depressed #woooooooooo.

[ohitslen]

About to say something horribly obvious, and I’m still going about Kni and the piano, well UM

In the last episodes there is this brief flashback of Vash humming a melody, and Kni asks what that melody is, to which Vash answers that he isn’t sure that it just comes to him and brings him comfort, and- LOOK I SAID IT WAS OBVIOUS BUT- that is the same melody present in all of Knives songs

So, maybe maybe, it was Kni the one who brought the melody to the piano, like composed it? I don’t know music terms sorry but I think you get what I mean

Then, when we see Knives appear on Jeneora Rock, Vash is able to tell its him because of the piano, he knows it’s his brother, perhaps not the first time he does that sort of entrance but it’s the melody that gives it away instantly (again. Very obvious I’m aware)

A melody that once brought Vash comfort and solace, he now sees it as a telltale sign of an incoming tragedy caused by his brother, something he should be afraid of and it’s no longer something that makes him feel at peace, on the contrary he just, you know, you know what I mean

Like. I’m. I.

I need a moment, I need to sit down.

#IT WAS VASH. HE WAS THE ONE THAT BROUGHT THE MELODY TO KNIVES. #IT SHOULD NOT BE THAT BIG OF A DEAL #BUT TO ME IT IS #they have such a fucked up relationship #I will never shut up about how their bond twists into something nasty and depressing #compared to before finding out about Tesla. and the Bible. OQNNS #IM exclusively talking about TriStamp very obviously so like #you can relate this to the manga if you want but pls know I haven’t read it yet so it really is just #tristamp yk. considering how it’s the only iteration in where the piano plays such an important part in his character #I think it’s important to be looked at and considered #the layers that this has. excuse me but how do you turn something someone loves into something that will make them terrified of #just by the fact of hearing it Vash is sent into immediate very well based panic #yeah all ive been doing is listen to the soundtrack for weeks now so I like to talk about it #and most scenes were constructed around the music. so it really is important #and again I don’t know about music but I like to think a lot and also get caught up in the littles things #like the fucking piano #trigun #vash the stampede #vash #millions knives #Kni saverem #Kni #nai saverem #trigun stampede #yes I know most ppl write the name as Nai. but ever since that one scene with their files I haven’t been the same #it’s written as Kni and it really stuck with me so sry bout that even though I’m not #lenssi rambles

[mickstart]

.

#laurambles #yeah that's right I'm gonna continue to be the guy who always has problems #I'm so fucking sick of slowly rotting away when i Want to experience life I Want to grow and accomplish things #but I feel so terrified and so depressed and so STUPID and confused all the time about everything #I feel like I'm going through life with weights around my ankles and I'm so fucking sick of it #im sick of the most used word in my diary being Rot and sincerely meaning that #like I'm already dead and I'm just waiting for the inevitable consequences to hit

[talentforlying]

every late november i am cursed with the knowledge that constantine hasn't done any sort of formal or informal holiday gathering since his sister died, and flat-out avoids people as soon as december starts so no one will invite him to anything bc he knows his seasonally bad mood will haunt whatever room he walks into. basically i'm saying this is your chance to ambush him while it's still november and harangue him into agreeing to attend your non-denominational ugly sweater parties or split a bottle of wine before he's cognizant enough to weasel out of it.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #seasonal depression but make it ✨trauma✨ #he actually becomes the Worst Person around the winter holidays and yeah. part of it is because he's a cynical dick #but also christmas with his father fucking Sucked & reclaiming that time as an adult with cheryl was indescribably precious to him #when he lost her and his niece refused to have anything to do with him afterwards he just. gave up #constantine staring longingly into people's windows like the guy from it's a wonderful life: nah i don't do christmas. not my thing #but really he is just lonely and a loser and secretly kind of a champion gift-giver so let him in please #blanket warning that if you get him to observe hanukkah with you he Will weight the dreidel and take all your fucking gelt #he has also been known to fuck off to ireland last minute and wander around pagan festivals so u know. options are open #( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE. #yes i've been emo about him every time i've had the chance to log on today. what about it

[janiedean]

will get to all your lovely replies asap but for now let me get down the mood with my usual

fuck but i really do hate this month and everything it represents or better the fact that each single year it gets just more miserable

#i’m sorry fuck i wish i liked christmas i do #but i haven’t felt anything close to enjoyment of the period since what was it right ten exact years #every single fucking one of them it just got MORE fucking depressing #we dont talk about covid times because god i wish i could delete them from my existence #two years ago it was just depressing af #last year for a miracle it was halfway okay and hey managed to spend one with the grandmother for once #except she died three months later and this one it will be….. meh but the rest of the month has been a total nervewreck already #but of course EVERYWHERE around you is like JOYOUS TIME EVERYONE IS HAPPY SEASON OF MAGIC #as it is i’mma have to do half of the presents in january ffs #ah right forgot today was the anniversary of the other grandmother dying #and the entire first week is anniversary of 2020 nervous wreck of doom so hey that’s all fine #yeah that happened no i had no plans to mention it good luck to me wanting to move over that specific instance ig #i just wanna stop feeling stuck in being miserable until december 26th arrives and i can hope to get my shit under control the year after #yeah sorry for the pity party i’m just not feeling great whatsoever add feeling totally useless to the list and here we are #i’mma just go catch up on replies now just god now i feel like crap bc the moment i opened the app i just vomited out negativity g r e a t #personal for ts #janie rants

[halogalopaghost]

.

#I'm having anxiety for some reason which is an unfamiliar physical feeling for me #I do depression and my SISTER does anxiety we're the mental illness brothers you see #but nooo apparently she has lent me some anxiety or whatever #anyway I was feeling useless and kind of like shit about how I never do anything anymore #and never get anything done or help around the house or even clean up my own living space #so I just decided I was gonna get out of bed at three in the morning and sweep the whole house #which like. that's fine I guess #and I wouldn't sit down or take a break even when I wanted to stop because I have got to!! start fucking doing things I can't just #be a lump that complains and consumes resources all my life #but anyway that was a bad idea or whatever bc my hands and feet got real hot and red and now I feel like I'm gonna frow up #I'm laid out on the couch near the phone charger. save me phone charger. charger for my phone save me #so what do we think am I feeling unwell from the activity because I don't do the activity enough or because I am just unwell #last time I swept a large area AND mopped was less than a month ago #I. also had to lay down after that actually except I was at work #just laid across a row of seats like yeah just. gimme a fuckin second to necromancy myself here #anyway #I'm a lil anxious bc of my neurology appointment I guess?? it's either that or the Wellbutrin #OR a yet to be identified food sensitivity maybe?? #I actually have no fucking clue I just have a bunch of ideas ranked by plausibility #I'm. a little dizzy and the nausea is mcgetting me #farewell cruel world it's been nice knowing u

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

#I need a hug #I just feel like hopeless shit tbh #I wanna do something to cheer myself up but I'm just so depressed nothing feels worth it #I don't have any crochet inspiration #my hair is in a cloth so makeup would look good/feel worth it #anything I wanna write is sad #I just want something to make me happy rn but I'm not gonna get it :( #I don't even have the will power to do basic skin care rn #usually I feel a lil better after but ugh #I just...don't feel like i care about anything #I wish I could go completely nonverbal so that I wouldn't anger the people around me #all my life is consistent of is listening to people but no one listens to me #my dad thinks we talk a lot but really it's HIM talking and me going 'yeah' every now and then #he says its not true but it is #I never get to talk to anyone I never get to go off into my autistic rants like he does #my moods really fluctuating between feeling nothing and feeling like I need to c*t and d*e #I need a hug that I don't have to fucking ask for........ #I'm either dazing and nothing or I'm barely holding in my tears #I wanna take a Tbreak cus I feel like that doesn't help #but it's really hard to NOT smoke when in pain #I dunno man my life just feels like it's never getting better. #I wanna be saved but that's never happening I'm not pretty enough to even hope that someone will finally give me my big break #feeling just hurts I wanna shut off but it's driving me mad

[mercymaker]

chilling vibing getting stuff done and then suddenly getting hit by 'why do you try so hard to make something new and good and bend yourself backwards pushing for quality when that stuff is mostly discouraged and low effort quantity-over-quality stuff is constantly rewarded'

#life #was on a high after writing quite a bit today #but now feel like a deflating balloon lmao #like yeah nah yeah i've worked with social media enough to know that you have to play 'their' game in order to 'succeed' #but that whole premise is so soulless and yet #it's the shit paradox that most often the less time and effort you put into something the more likely it will do good online #but with constantly diminishing returns it can get pretty tough #like the pattern is there it's all in motion #and it's just gonna get worse and worse and worse #people barely reblog anymore barely comment #i started posting my writing because i thought 'well at least one person might like it!' #like... i cannot NOT write it's just who i am #but even with the folders full of personal writing and whatnot at some point i stopped #because writing is just incredibly lonely and it was starting to make me feel worse about it so i stopped #but yeah nah fam #i'm just fully in the period shits and getting emotional #but the ongoing decline of engagement and communication is just sad to see #like even artists around me who are incredibly talented i see them barely get any notes and if they do it's pretty much all likes #shit's depressing fam #and then on top of that we have people stealing shit from us #like that fucking guy who copied every bg3 creator's ideas and then started playing victim when called out #what was up with that lmao

[18-toe-beans]

perhaps Consider that i am not doing well and will not be doing well for a while— Sorry y’all.

#it’s coming up on my birthday and traumaversary time and on top of that the stress of knowing we likely wont have enough next month is uh #stressing me out to the point of depressive episode with psychotic symptoms?? #my sleep is all messed up again and i keep having fucked up dreams #im getting shadow darters in my peripherals and hearing ticking sounds coming from Outside of my head when nothing is happening #i keep getting funky smells even though we’ve been cleaning for like 2 weeks straight #and my brain won’t stop remembering these moments from childhood and teenage years i absolutely do NOT want to remember #so just know that y’all aren’t alone me and the system are struggling pretty hard this new year #also korrin is still job searching and i’ve got no clue how that’s gonna go so uh yeah idk no end in sight????? #tbd when i finally snap out of this state y’all and i’m super sorry bc i know what it’s like to be around me when i am like this

[titansarmy]

i got to agree with taylor swift with this one, being 22 was happy free confused and lonely at the same time

#I’ve been violently depressed for the past month ish but statistically speaking I think it’s been of my best years #but also. very confused abt life bc I have no path and lonely bc I am seriously so lonely half the time #but yeah happy and free mixed into all that #I’m gonna say it has rivaled being 17 in the sense of feeling like u can fuck around while also being very stressed about life