#so yeah its vent time

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[unicyclingdogs]

wind!!!!

this wasn’t supposed to be a redraw, but it’s very similar to an older drawing I did, so I’ll put it under the cut so you can see the difference :)

and this drawing isn’t even a full year old yet; i drew it last november‼️ i really think i improved a lot this year and yeah 👍

#linked universe #lu fanart #lu wind #art improvement #uni art :) #it’s been a minute since i posted art here whoops #this blog was this close 🤏 to becoming a multi fandom blog but i decided against it since i figured most ppl are here for zelda #and yeah ik my house my rules but idk I felt bad posting non Lu stuff #so now im more active on a sideblog anf ive been neglecting this blog #whoops #anyways all that aside LOOK AT HIW MUCH I IMPROVED #ITS CRAZY #I like how the main thing that stayed the same was me adding a million stars to the background #also im still on my brown eyed wind agenda #dude one time i drew him with brown eyes someone commented that he canonically has green eyes so now im only drawing them brown sorry #like wow! don’t care! like HIS EYES ARE BLACK DOTS IN THE GAMES LET ME HAVE THIS #…wow yeah that comment got to me #literally I keep thinking about it and every time it bugs me 😭 #man ive missed venting in the tags #ok ok I should stop this is a lot a tags even for me

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[rapidhighway]

every time I come back home I experience new mental illnesses -_-

#its not even bad rn it's been nice #there's just so much horrible stuff underneath it all though and i think i just can't handle it #i think im just grieving my entire life every time I come here #and I've been just having these thoughts i guess intrusive thoughts about everyone dying tragically for the laste few days and it's #NOT FUCKING HELPING #idk it's nice we're all nice and both is happening but there's always some new info dropped on me that they just. #expect me to process by myself and i just end up crying at night all the time cause like what am i supposed to do #yeah sorry for venting again i was getting a bit better at not doing tht but i neeed it rn ToT #k i think i just need to go to sleep and maybe ill forget everything tomorrow or something idk #vent #vent post

[seagull-scribbles]

Two Bros chillin’ on a rooftop, 5ft apart 'cause they're not gay 👀

#tmnt 2007 #tmnt #casey jones #raphael #raphael hamato #Raphael 2007 #nightwatcher #honestly obsessed with their dynamic in this movie #also I haven’t looked into it but in my head raph is 19 and Casey is 22/23 #I love the scenes of these guys in the movie #I love them in the deleted scenes #I love the idea that everyone grows up into different things but these guys still sneak out at night like teenagers to punch peoples faces #I love how they are both convinced the other is their sidekick #I love raph having a motorcycle and giving it to Casey #I love that they both wear masks but Casey still shouts ITS CASEY JONES for no reason #I love how they talk only when it’s stupid too #and I love how they’re both legit just married to New York #raph is so dysphoric and one of his common themes is hating being trapped but in this movie he admits he’d not change his life either #idk I like that yeah it sucks he doesn’t speak to him family he’s shut himself off but he still can spend night times with Casey #and with all the pressure in society to grow up Casey still can sneak out to vent to raph #idk I get really upset I’m 25 and still doing the same things I did 16yr ago but this film was like therapeutic that that isn’t bad #aaahhh #also shoutout to rena for talking to me about these guys from that ninja turtle movie #I’ll stop rambling I haven’t even spoken about this piece I’m so sorry #i will quickly say my last raph was all scraped and bruised but i think bevayse the armour this one gets away without those marks #and i have decided all raphaels have sharp teeth where his brothers dont :) hes my baby girl i can do what i want #rasey #raph x casey #i cant believe i drew ship art and forgot to tag the ship

[daddyplasmius]

hand on my stupid heart flashbacks

this is a No One Knows AU & Full Hazmat AU where Danny ended up in the Ghost Zone & didn't go back into the human world initially because he thought he was dead. by the time he realized he is, in fact, at least half alive, he'd already been missing for at least 2 weeks. will probs never finish homsh sorry. i wrote this a couple years ago in a haze & just haven't been able to finish it because i can't replicate the style, which i find is what i love about this fic the most. it wouldn't be the same without it. posting the flashback introsーwhich are meant to be read between chapters/the actual plot, starting after chapter 1ーcuz fuck it. excuse typos & shit, i never properly edited it, as i forgot it existed immediately after i wrote it original description of homsh: Danny Fenton has officially been missing for over a year. Maddie & Jack Fenton refuse to give up on their son. Sick and tired of the police running them in circles, and the case getting colder by the day, the Fentons turn to their last resortーPhantom. 800~ words (full unfinished fic is 20k~)

-

When Danny woke up surrounded by thick, green fog, and couldn’t breathe without swallowing heavy air that was more like water than anything, he was sure he was dead. The portal glowed behind him, illuminating the pitch darkness around him in soft, yellow, warm light.

He almost went back.

Almost.

He was dead. His parents were ghost hunters. They had drilled into his head from the moment he was born that he could never, ever panic in death. That he would accept it. That he would not be scared. So he would be prepared to be brave in the face of death and would not become a ghost.

He panicked. He did not accept it. He was terrified. And so he woke up in the Ghost Zone.

-

Danny went back through the portal when he saw some ectopuses acting… strange. Like they had an idea in their heads. Like they had a plan.

Which was weird, with animal ghosts. He had only been in the Ghost Zoneーmom and dad called it that, he rememberedーfor a couple weeks. Or, he had already been there for two weeks. Or maybe time worked differently and he was there five minutes, or four years orー

The ectopuses went through the portal and, despite everything, Danny went after them.

While he was busy reeling at being home, the ectopuses immediately attacked dad. Danny was horrified. Jack was overwhelmed. Danny stepped in, in a moment fueled by sheer adrenaline and stupidity, snatching a Fenton Thermos™ off a shelf and releasing his shaky invisibility. The ectopuses didn’t stand a chance. And when they were safely in the Thermos, he slowly turned around to dad, ready for the confrontation. Ready for the “what happened to you?” and the “where have you been?” and the “we’ve missed you”.

Dad scrambled to shoot at him.

Danny fled.

His parents didn’t recognize him.

-

The Lunch Lady attacked when Danny was mourning Halloween.

He’d waited all year. He made a costume that summer. He wouldn’t get to go trick or treating with Sam and Tucker this year. Or any year. For the rest of his lifeーor existence. Whatever.

The Lunch Lady appeared in the school and demanded in straight fury, “Who changed the menu?”

Everyone pointed at Sam.

Danny hadn’t known just how powerful ghosts could be. His parents never told him the specifics. Just that they were dangerous.

This ghost grew and her aura hit him like a hurricane, almost physically pushing him back. It was so strong that the students in the Casper High cafeteria seemed to feel it too.

The Lunch Lady was a much harder opponent than the ectopuses. She levitated meat. She used it as a weapon, and seemed to bring it back to life. She created weird meat creatures that grew sharp teeth and claws out of bones. They were mindless, attacking everything that got too close to the ghost. Danny would have run away without hesitation, if Sam hadn’t been in the crossfire.

Danny fought the Lunch Lady. It was a long struggle, but he caught her in the thermos after over an hour. When he turned to Sam and Tuckerーboth of whom he had to save due to Tucker trying to jump into the fightーall three of them bloody and bruised, he cringed. But a part of him hoped. Desperately.

Surely they would know him on sight.

“Wh-what are you?” Sam gasped at him finally.

Danny flinched as if she had struck him. “J-just… your friendly neighbourhood phantom.”

-

Danny didn’t know what possessed him. Oh. Pun not intended.

He just barely caught the Fentons leaving in the GAV, dragging suitcases behind them. He couldn’t help himself. What on Earth were they doing?

They were going to Vlad Master’s mansion for their college reunion.

It was a whole thing. But something was off. Besides all the adults reminiscing about the 80’s.

Danny sensed ghosts immediately but he couldn’t see anything. Unfortunately for him, Vlad could also sense him. It was two days of Danny staying invisible, and Vladーthe halfa? Is that what Danny is?ーtrying to kill Jack. Somehow, Danny managed to fight off Vlad, not turn back, and without the Fentons getting hurt. His secret intact.

VladーPlasmius, also learned about Phantom. And Vlad hated him. The manーghostーwhatever, seemed to only care about one thingーpossession. Of money. Of things. Of people. He was more ghost than Danny had ever seen. Vlad’s obsession was overwhelming.

Danny couldn’t believe someone so much like himself could be so disturbing.

#danny phantom #danny phantom au #danny phantom fanfiction #you know that gif of the wailing emoji dissolving? :Why:? #yeah that's what i do every time i remember i never finished HOMSH while i still had the style in my brain #feel free to steal this idea. please steal this idea. please write it i wanna see this idea so bad but im already writing another 100k+ fic #if y'all want me to post the full fic i can but. it is not finished & most likely never will be. sorry again #i won't lie. the haze i was in was a depressed one. i was. not in a good place At All when i wrote HOMSH #like the only part i remember actually writing was the panic attack scene & that's just barely #i reread the whole fic in the middle of the night months later while listening to Implode Alright by Built by Snow on repeat #yeah i cried. this one is funny but mostly it's just. mourning. grief. the works. it's a vent fic & also a. kind of. wishful fic #like. don't you just wish death wasn't so permanent. don't you wish you could tell them everything you wish you could #don't you wish you could just see them again #i'm actually writing this into a bigger ventier series currently called Let Grief Do Its Work #cuz i rewatched LUCIDS again recently & remembered what HOMSH was originally about. why i was writing it #i'm not calling it HOMSH cuz. HOMSHie is my baby. it's its own thing & i don't wanna ruin the vibes #reluctantly admitting i call an unfinished fanfic i don't remember writing... HOMSHie baby... in my head #yeah i have a cute nickname for my fic. what of it #it's 5am & i think i'll throw up if i think any more about posting unfinished unedited pieces of a fic so i'm going for it. cowabunga #go into the world. get your 2 notes you beautiful animal #*passes out*

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Why can't I ever fucking hold a stable job in my life

#vent #yeah its my last day of my temp job tomorrow #and yeah i didnt get hired for the place i got interviewed at two times #im starting to think im the problem #my therapist says i have a high work ethic but idk.... #so pissed rn

[thenamessparkplug]

shoutout to my old 4th grade teacher for being more supportive of me one time 6 months ago than my own mother's ever been< 3333

#it was like such a tiny interaction but i also never forgot #it was during some kind of family party thing for kids parents (and siblings) to come and eat pizza and some other stuff i dont remember #and anyways my brother(who currently goes to this school) wanted to go so my whole family went #and while i was there my mom saw my old 4th grade teacher and was like “omg you should go talk to her” #and i was like yeah i should she was a really cool lady actually #so i nervously was like “hi” and didnt think shed recognize me at all #but she IMMEDIETLY was like “ITS YOU! /pos” #she then points to my shirt and asks me “hey are those your pronouns now?” #and this was back when i still wore pronoun/pride pins in general #and i was like “yeah actually!” because no adult had ever asked me about it before and i was so happy to like be recognized as a person #and she gave me a hug and told me she was proud of me and how much id grown and i /maybe/ got a little close to tears but ignore that #and my mom just stood there the whole time #she didnt say anything #she didnt smile #and this was not my first time wearing my pronoun pin my TRANS FLAG pin even #never once did she acknowledge it #also like a month later she made fun of me for it and i havent worn one since #uh yeah anyways #sorry for ranting lmao #or ig venting?? this was not my intention mb mb #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgtbq #lgbtqia #(to be clear my mom has made it very clear she will never support me on numerous occasions it wasnt like a one time thing lmao) #tw vent?? #tw vent

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[kaiatase]

AYO IM DOIN IT THIS LOOKS SO GOOD

Jak 4!!! Im animating a Jak 4!!! I will make my own story if naughty dog wont!!! 😂😂😂

#jak and daxter #jak 2 #jak 3 #jak 4 #naughty dog #2d animation #animation #the amount of times i have looked at Hinata Hyuuga's foot during the chuunin exam to get this... #but yeah for this story i wanna go back to the precursor legacy #i want them to go back to those old areas and re-open the eco vents #and they meet a descendent of the red sage #who teaches jak how to use red eco #Like it doesnt just power u up silly boy #you can do so many things with red eco #ITD BE LIKE YAKUZA #WHERE KIRYU LEARNS NEW TECHNIQUES FROM PEOPLE #like he hits a road block and its like ok time to consult the red sage and get a power up so i can go forward #or that each task given by the sage is rewarded with a new power up when its completed #aw man i am PUMPED to make this series #i know i can do it

[frozenhi-chews]

#i REEAAALLLY gotta start on SKETCHING things #because how else would i get other compliments other than OOO COLORS ARE SO GOOD on my art #usually i dont mind. cuz i love using bright colors #but when theres like. a plot or a story happening. and all people are doing is complimenting thr colors. well. yeah i dont take it as well #reminds me how my ex used to say my art was cute and that was ALL they said before i snapped at them #lIKE GUYS. my art is more than my colors!! RIGHT?! #if all im getting is remarks about my colors. then. it kinda stings cuz then i think thats all my art is good for #like thats the only good thing #and people also dont pay attention when i post sketches and its like. okay. thats. great. even with the tag list #but thats more of a minor complaint #what im getting at is PLEASE. I GET IT. THE COLORS ARE GOOD. IVE BEEN TOLD MILLIONS OF TIMES #iS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?? LIKE THE S T O R Y IM TRYING TO POSE HERE?@ #AAUGH #anyways- #vent #the cake doth speak #i think it's worse when all they do is compliments the colors and that's it #ive been told this so many times across so many artworks. good gondy im gonna throw something. like myself down a pit

[trans-axolotl]

having a lot of thoughts about eating disorders + how some of us end up developing chronic illnesses directly because of the physical effects of our eating disorders and how Cruel doctors can be about that and just trying to untangle so much shame and blame from that experience rn

#personal #vent #eating disorder tw #disability #idk. i don't quite have the words for this right now but #had another meeting with my doctor where they said yeah its your fault that you are now physically disabled for life #(literally i was chronically ill and physically disabled before i even developed an eating disorder because of CAH and comorbidities but #(they love to ignore that !) #which is like. i do not tie any morality to health and it should just be #a completely neutral statement. that my eating disorder caused other physical complications #they said i'm going to have orthostatic problems the rest of my life. #'since your gastroparesis was caused by your eating disorder that means there is no point in treating it' #which is so funny bc literally every time i see her my dietitan wants me to get a feeding tube! lmfao!!!! #i am actually doing pretty well in recovery in terms of meeting my energy needs through food. but i stopped being able to orally supplement #so my dietitan wants a tube for ARFID nutrient reasons. supplemental nutrition etc etc. and she thinks it will help gastroparesis symptoms #they also think i have osteoporosis and want to test me for that #when i had to use forearm crutches/ wheelchair because of physical ed complications doctors were SO fucking rude even though they were #the ones PRESCRIBING IT!!! like!!! you all are the ones telling me i HAVE to do this! #idk i also have a friend with permanent brain damage. from seizures in the refeeding process #and her doctors are so fucking rude to her all the time. #it makes me so mad

[xamaxenta]

Omg fam ur so not alone about the sleeping thing, my partner has both some health issues and also just a completely different sleep schedule from me that makes us sleeping together difficult, and a small apartment that makes it difficult to separate ourselves. And like. It's not his fault but its FRUSTRATING so I feel u ❤❤

��😔😔Its frustrating bc its not her fault but also it kinda is bc i keep asking for basic communication

Im like hey are you coming to sleep in the next hour

And shes like in twenty mins

Which turns into two hours and im not going to dog her or ask again so i have to roll with the concept shes showing up whenever

I also sleep light so without fail if she comes in three hours later i wake up and it takes a while for me to return to sleeping

Its just a combination of stuff that makes this scenario like she doesnt say anything like dawg all i want is for u to poke your head in or msg me like im not gonna sleep yet but she gets mad abt it like its not super late!! FOR YOU ITS NOT you also work from home :/

Thats it and ill just bury myself under the covers n hope i dont wake up when she does come in

#ahh nothing like tumblr morning venting w the lads #i dont care that we have different sleep schedules #at the end of the day #i just want COMMUNICATION 😭😭😭😭😭 #i know im ass at it in other ways but im always initiating convos like this and i keep telling her im not nagging u i dont want you to feel #like thats what this is but my god it will be if she keeps this up #i think im just annoyed that she uses the not late excuse but its like yeah i know but some of us have to go to an office to work and need #to mentally be on their A game. like constantly which is what Sleep assists with #not all of us have the luxury of working from home post covid #like dont give me a fakeass time that we both knkw you arent keeping #and shes always like WAIT FOR ME!!! #SO I DO???? #AND THEN U PIKACHU FACE WHEN IM CRANKY AND SLEEPY AND AWAKE WHEB I COULDA BEEN ASLEPE????? #😭😭😭 im PRAYING FOR NO BS TODAY AT WOEK I SWEAR #also not to be slightly petty but i do all the goddamn housework

[nicky-jr]

shoutout gothcleats shippers o7

#rambling #idk i feel like as a dndads blog im legally obligated to make A post abt it #but idk! it was fun #sad about normal but glad everyone else got a happy ending #(warning i get like. pointlessly negative/personal beyond this point) #but idk. ive been so checked out of s2 that i feel like. detached? #like makes me feel shitty to admit this but i just dont really care #idk if that has to do with my disinterest with the season. or just not being fixated anymore #or just my own mental state as of recent #it just makes me really sad that i feel this way about a series i adore #i dunno. i'd like to do a relisten of s2 so i can really pinpoint what about it frustrates/bores me #but rn i just cant be bothered #dont get me wrong i love this season!!! i feel the need to clarify any time i get negative about it #i love the characters and most of the plot and there were things i found really really compelling #and god its SOOO FUCKING FUNNY #my venting comes from a place of love yknow #but yeah tldr i have like literally no strong thoughts on the finale atm. it was fine #but im excited for the future #dndads s2 spoilers

[hegrowth]

unpopular opinion but having to look up info about fcs before I use them is tedious and depressing. I think being informed is important but like. I want to use an fc because they vibe with my character, not because I agree with or relate to or like them, you know ? but one wrong fc pick and I'm being canceled for supporting a shitty person. :x

#《 ° selkie.exe 》 oh im trash just not approved trash #° mobile post ! #° to be deleted ! #like i just dont want to be canceled or called out because i didnt know someone was problematic #but at the same time i dont agree with anyone calling out or canceling someone for those reasons so #like i dont want it to happen so im trying to prevent it. but i shouldnt have to prevent it because it shouldnt be happening ! #venting cw #venting // #vent cw #unpopular opinion cw #° ask to tag ! #ill probably delete this cuz i dont want people to think im a shitty person but its 2 am and im :c so yeah #also i just spent 30 minutes going through an actors social media to figure out if they were pro-palestine or not like #i couldnt find any info in a google search /but wanted to check to be sure/ so #idk what we call this culture. politically correct ?? idk but its got me whipped and im not happy about it.

[the-acid-pear]

Did you know? Studies show 90% of abused children quit right before they become the perfect vessel for a child of what they believe their parents will actually love. KEEP DESTROYING WHO YOU ARE FOR A MEANINGLESS CAUSE!

#luly talks #you know its fucked when you make a post thinking of yourself AND harry osborn #that's worse than harry dubois tags for me #anyway my beautiful step son aside uh. yeah 1) this is ok to rb but 2) this is actually a bit of a vent #because obviously me before but also bc talking w my therapist recently she was like... trying to get me to think of positives of my mother #so i'd consider reconnecting w her #and its so mental? #like woman i had to be kicked out of that house because even when i was about to kill myself to escape i wasnt willing to leave #nothing will fade the scars that my gripping claws left on that house as i was dragged away #i spent the last FOUR FUCKING YEARS trying to recover and come to terms with the fact my mother will never love me #and that there's nothing i can do to make her change #(which is what i tried to do for the previous 16 years of my life) #only for you to be like okay but what if she did like you this time? #WOMAN I HAVE POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER BE FOR FUCKING REAL NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!