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zackcollins · 3 years

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i do (cherish you) || nolan patrick

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Author’s Note: Surprise, bitches! I’m back with another Player/Reader fic! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve had the inspiration to write one, so I’m really happy that I’ve finally been able to write one. Sorry for being gone for so long in terms of my writing. I still have one request that I need to get to, and, to the person that sent it, I’ll start working on that soon, I promise!! I’m just trying to find the right way to go about writing it. I have all the time in the world to think about it now because my province went back into complete lockdown as of this morning. So, uh... yeah. Expect another fic within maybe a week. GIF credit to intermissionpenguins!!

Warnings: I don’t even know if this is considered warnable but: the reader uses an insulin pump. So... yeah. I’ll just tell you about that just to be safe. There’s also a few brief mentions of alcohol. So, if you need to avoid that, feel free to just skip over the mention of it because it isn’t important at all, if I’m honest.

Word Count: 1.5k+

Title: I Do (Cherish You): Mark Wills

Additional: The reader is masculine this time!! He is described as having a beard and being a hockey player on the Flyers, so I hope that’s okay with you guys!! I made the reader masculine this time because someone sent me an ask this morning and told me they appreciated that I wrote masculine imagines and asked me if I would consider writing more. So, uh. Whoever you are, this is technically for you. I hope you and everyone else enjoy!

Stretching your arms above your head, you grunted when you felt your shoulder joints pop back into place. Nolan looked over from where he was sitting, smirking around his beer bottle as he took a drink.

"Woulda figured you'd be more accustomed to sitting in the same spot for a while," Nolan said, taking the opportunity to dig at the fact that you were a fourth-line player on the team.

You flipped Nolan off before drinking the last of your beer. You rubbed some sweat and condensation off your beard before you untucked your shirt and brought your hands down to your stomach.

"Fuck off, man," you mumbled half-heartedly, more focused on punching the correct numbers into your insulin pump.

"You kn--"

Nolan started speaking but anything he wanted to say was cut off by a succession of beeps coming from your stomach. Nolan quickly polished off his beer before standing from his chair and grabbing your empty beer bottle.

"Guess that means we need to go back." Nolan motioned his head down the dock in the direction of his cottage. "The refills are inside."

You frowned, standing from your chair and tucking your shirt back into your shorts in the process.

"We don't have to. I can just run inside, put one of them in, and come right back out."

Grabbing his phone, Nolan looked at the screen. He hummed before looking back at you as he slid the phone into his back pocket.

"True. But I'm hungry and it's close enough to dinner time."

Sighing, you scratched at your beard with one of your hands before holding them both up in surrender.

"Alright, alright. We can go to have dinner. I think there's still some fish left from what we caught yesterday."

Humming in appreciation, Nolan started making his way down the dock. You rolled your eyes, smirking and shaking your head before you followed after him.

About halfway up the walkway to the cottage, you saw that Nolan had stopped and was holding his hands up defensively. You approached carefully, placing a hand on Nolan's shoulder. Nolan jumped what you could've sworn was thirty-five feet out of his skin before he glared at you.

"Careful," Nolan hissed, slightly motioning his head in the direction of the cottage's outdoor garbage bin.

When you followed the motion, you froze and felt panic blooming throughout your body. A bear was rummaging around in the garbage. A rather substantially sized bear.

"Why is Chara in our garbage," you mumbled, grabbing Nolan's hand for comfort.

Nolan made no comment on the fact that you had grabbed onto his hand but he did glare at you, cracking a small smile.

"Now isn't the time for jokes, idiot." However, he bumped shoulders with you to show that he appreciated it. "And, to answer your question, they're probably hungry."

You swallowed around a thick lump that had formed in your throat and, against your better judgement, dropped your head against Nolan’s shoulder. Nolan sighed and placed a soft kiss on the top of your head. You swallowed around another thick lump, this one having nothing to do with the bear, as you breathed heavily out of your nose.

“That’s all well and good,” you said, pausing to swallow again, “they deserve to eat and all that. But I need more insulin if you want me to be functional.”

"Do you want me to…?" Nolan trailed off but you understood what he was trying to say.

You looked up at Nolan, furrowing your eyebrows and face twisting into a scowl.

"I'd rather you didn't," you said, plainly. "If you get mauled, what am I gonna do if I need help later?"

Nolan huffed, knocking shoulders with you again.

"I'm your best friend, (Y/N). Not your caregiver. While I would still gladly help if you asked because I care about you, you don't give yourself enough credit."

You felt yourself short-circuit because Nolan had just said he cared about you. The rational part of your brain knew that he meant it in a friendly way. But the part of your brain that was winning this argument, the part you were listening to, was telling you that he meant it in a romantic way, the way you had wanted for what felt like an eternity.

"If your on-ice antics say anything, you know how to take care of yourself just fine."

Nolan continuing to speak drew you out of your fantasyland, forcing you to formulate an articulate sentence that didn’t involve you spilling your feelings for your best friend to said best friend.

"Defending my honour and staying alive are two very different things, sweetheart," you said.

As soon as the words were out of your mouth, you realized what you had said. Your entire face felt hot, your beard suddenly feeling itchy from the newfound heat, and you felt embarrassed beyond belief. Not wanting to look at Nolan, you dropped your head against his chest to hide from his gaze.

"Yes, true. But you've managed to stay alive this long, haven't you?"

There was a long pause, the only noise coming from the bear that was still rummaging around in the garbage. You were worried that Nolan would think that you were starting to get sleepy from lack of insulin (which was actually true if he were to ask), so you mumbled softly against his chest, hoping he would hear you.

“Yeah…” Your voice sounding somewhat defeated. “I love you, sweetheart. Thank you for caring about me.”

Nolan lifted your head up and pressed a kiss to your forehead. Relief washed over you as you smiled, feeling tears in your eyes. After carefully placing the beer bottles on the ground, Nolan wrapped you in a hug. You sighed and got comfortable in Nolan’s embrace, figuring you’d be there for a while.

You weren’t sure how long had passed when Nolan started carding his fingers through your hair and then your beard, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before pulling you back from his embrace. You blinked owlishly at Nolan, feeling somewhat bleary from the lack of insulin. Nolan squeezed your cheeks, tapping them a couple of times. You grunted, swatting at his shoulder with a playful smile on your face.

“Just wanted to make sure you were still with me,” Nolan said. You thought you detected some uncharacteristic concern in his voice but you were too out of it to process if that was true or not.

Nolan motioned his head toward the garbage bin. Your eyes slowly drifted over there, lighting up when you saw that the bear was gone..

“Yay! Chara is gone,” you said, voice somewhat quieter than normal.

You yawned harshly, feeling your head start to swim. Looking up at Nolan, you patted him on the cheek.

"Let’s get inside before I pass out.”

Nodding, Nolan held your hand as you walked into the cottage. He sat you onto the couch and rushed into your bedroom to grab you a refill for your insulin pump. When he returned, he handed you the refill and sat down beside you.

It took a few tries to figure out because your hands were clumsy from being so tired but you managed to place the refill into the pump without any help from Nolan. Nolan ruffled your hair, placing a soft kiss on your cheek as you punched in the correct numbers to get the rest of the insulin you needed from earlier. It took a few minutes but you started to feel better, feel more awake. You flexed your hands, pleased that they didn’t feel like gelatin anymore. You blinked a few times, getting your eyes readjusted to being at full strength.

When you looked at Nolan, he looked up at you with a nervous smile. Instead of speaking, he moved closer to you and grabbed your hand, interlacing your fingers and placing your hands on his knee. You glanced down at his knee and then up at him, seeing the tentative look in his eye. You nodded because you were fairly certain you knew what he wanted. Your theory was proven right when Nolan leaned forward and connected your lips, cupping your jaw with his free hand. Smiling into the kiss, you brought your free hand up and grabbed the collar of Nolan’s shirt, tugging him in closer. Nolan grunted, mouth falling open as he continued to kiss you. You took that opportunity to experimentally slide your tongue into Nolan’s mouth. Nolan groaned, pulling back from the kiss. You swallowed thickly when you saw the beard burn your kiss had left behind.

Nolan twisted on the couch, dropping his head against your shoulder. You slung your arm around his back, pulling him in as close as you could. Nolan hummed, bringing his arm around your shoulders.

“About what you said earlier…” Nolan looked up at you, eyes unreadable.

“Look, I…” You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping that the couch would swallow you whole. “I was starting to go loopy from lack of insulin. It doesn’t mean anything. It never does when I get like that.”

Nolan looked up at you with a sideways glance, furrowing his eyebrows.

“You and I both know that that’s bullshit. You say some of the most truthful shit on the rare chance that you get like that.”

Slouching your shoulders, you sighed.

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Worth a shot, I guess.”

“There’s no need to get down on yourself or feel bad,” Nolan said, looking at you softly. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

61 notes · View notes

nicknellie · 3 years

Note

That’s very relatable, I’m kind of in the same boat so I get what you mean lol. Also Good morning!

Box stuff:

1. I love that as well, and when Luke’s room is particularly bad. Emily will call Alex up (the Mercers had a household phone just because) and would hope that he was around to answer it so she could ask him to clean Luke’s room.

I love that Alex just casual knows where the cleaning supplies are. Maybe that’s something that Emily and Alex do together on a random Sunday or something, they just make food together and then clean up the house.

Oh yes, sometimes Reggie will join Alex in cleaning due to a particular bad fight. Maybe that’s how the boys know that Reggie’s parents had a bad fight because Reggie won’t tell them due to the fact that he doesn’t want to bother them. But due to him cleaning they just know (also the fact that he can’t lie to them). Exactly yes! Just as you said (I hadn’t finished reading the paragraph when I said my part lol)

Yes exactly as you put it, they just go up to his room just to think about when he was still alive and how him and the boys were safe there. Oh my goodness, yes they talk to him but just like with Bobby, they can’t get a sign so they don’t know that Luke has words he never said and that he regrets that he didn’t get a chance to say them.

Yes, and Emily will always regret that she didn’t put as much support into the band as she should’ve because now she can’t take back her yelling at him to do more work and or to quit the band because education is so much more important; that he will never be able to go far with the band. So I’m listening to music and right now the song is ‘Supermarket flowers by Ed Sheeran’ and if you change around some lyrics it could be something that is Emily to Luke. (Kind of how unsaid Emily is for Emily)

3. Exactly, it’s like I somehow reached the conclusion but I have no clue how to explain to you the processes but it’s edible so.

The boys are always in awe because Alex talks while he bakes so randomly he will say something like ‘fold the flour well what if I just don’t’ ‘how is this the recipe book it gives me no instructions I need like an in-depth explanation on what the heck this means’. And then the food tastes amazing, although they once thought that Alex was just not going to include the flour (also that he was going to give them salmonella by not cooking it)

Board games and jam

1. Alex is never running out of drumsticks is hilarious. Also just love the fact that this goes on for half an hour before he stops and then once Luke has been situated and isn’t expecting Alex to throw drumstick, he throws one more.

I love that, just Reggie being so competitive when it’s legitimately Alex sneezing because he needed to sneeze. Also the fact that Alex is ready to throw drumsticks at Reggie as well. Honestly at some point Alex has thrown drumsticks at everyone (even Caleb).

Among us

It definitely would, like Luke can’t do it for anyone else but the second Alex is imposter he’s just like I know who it is.

Basically this meme: (Luke is the one saying that he has connected the dots)

Yes, however once Willie did kill Alex just to throw people off of his tail. And yes, Julie will always kill Luke first and if someone else is the imposter they will try to do the same just so people think the Julie is the imposter.

I love the accessories addition, definitely needed

Luke and Julie- yes

Willie- that is a power move and I love it

Alex- yes

Reggie- I do agree however at the same time I raise the cowboy hat

Flynn- honestly the fact that Flynn paid money to get a little character is everything and totally something that she would do.

Also if Carlos is playing then he has the paper bag

Honestly the boys thought that monopoly couldn’t get more chaotic and then they played it with Willie and Flynn and they were like this is new level. Because Flynn is competitive and she is definitely the one who would double check the rules and call out any of them if they got something wrong.

I love that Alex will just give Willie money. ‘I have no clue what you guys are talking about. Willie just has money because you guys are bad’

Despite the fact I have played Monopoly I legitimately cannot tell you what cards Flynn has that make her better than everyone else but you are completely correct. (Get out of jail for free? possibly) Also just has really good luck at picking out chance cards (maybe one of the ones in the middle idk)

Honestly I was kind of thinking that Luke would jump the table when Alex said that he wasn’t giving Willie money and that they were just bad. But I love your addition so much.

I love the fact that Reggie wouldn’t speak to Luke for a week when Luke just can’t avoid talking to them for about 2 hours. (Also Luke does the same to Reggie that they would do to Alex and Jess is in the background of everywhere with puppy dog eyes because Reggie won’t give him attention)

Numbers

2. I love this so much. Alex looks hurt about the fact that Willie is laughing however at the same time he loves his laugh. So Alex is stuck between because upset that Willie is laughing at him and the fact that Willie is laughing.

I’m glad that it changes as the story goes on, honestly right now I’m just not the biggest fan of Arthur. (I will definitely keep you informed, I’m glad that you said this because I didn’t want to over impose) Currently haven’t watched another episode so I’m still on the first one for now.

Wait yes! That is total Alex energy, also just Alex being done with Luke all the time. Just can’t believe that this is the guy he has to protect.

6. I mean Alex didn’t function after the hair flip in the show so if Bobby had been there then maybe Alex would’ve been able to function better 😂. Also yes exactly, just slaps the back of Alex’s head just so Alex will have a normal conversation with Willie and not just them staring at each other.

I mean I know you have four requests but I’m in fully support if you do want to write that after 😂. Also love how they don’t explain anything just very straight to the point and say that he shouldn’t steal their music.

8. Honestly relatable, I can’t wait for your tangent when it’s not 1am.

10. Yes exactly. Reggie is a tiny bit upset but then he’s like ‘I’m not even the one who did the developing, Bobby is and seeing as which we are kind of mad at him that’s good’. Oh my goodness, just happy Reggie staring starstruck at pictures because of how defined they are.

Alex knows that’s what Reggie is doing but of course he’s going to humour him and make the food.

11. I can’t believe you just pulled out the fact that no adult believed Reggie as a kid and you compared it to Reggie meeting a lot of celebrities. Whoa, you’re completely correct but whoa that’s painful. Yes, he has met all of them (oo nice, which Billy Joel one?). Also Luke is hurt about the fact that Reggie met him but Luke wasn’t there. To add on, Reggie has met Prince, Elton John, and Michael Jackson.

17. No, You shouldn’t go back on that, Reggie definitely has Caleb‘s baby picture like legitimately he has everyone’s baby picture even Nick.

I love that addition like Caleb tried to steal their soul but Reggie just asked for him to give Reggie his baby pictures before they poof out to do stand tall. Then next time they see each other Caleb just hands them over.

Yes, that was exactly my thought process also your addition that Caleb is mean but he isn’t stupid, about the fact that Reggie is sweet is precisely that interaction. (I mean Caleb probably saw Reggie get upset over the fact that Han Solo died and was just like Reggie is a precious being must protect. I mean take his soul but protect.)

Nope she just handed them over, just as you said. Honestly Reggie could take over the world and no one would question it just because it’s Reggie. ‘probably priceless photos and they are in some ghost scrapbook’ is the greatest comment.

Exactly yes, honestly it doesn’t matter how the hot dog is involved in the picture but there has to be one baby photo of Willie that includes him in the presence of a hotdog.

19. Agreed, usually by the point that Willie and Alex’s alliance is over. Than Alex will start one with Luke, and they will just bombard Willie with snowballs. (Just because I want Julie and Willie to be friends maybe they start an alliance just to get back at Alex and Luke) (also for Reggie he has one with Carlos)

20. They are and we did get very luck with this cast. Because no matter who you look at, they all have such great chemistry with each other and work so well with each other. For example the band demonstrate such a wonderful friendship, as do Flynn and Julie. Just flawless performances all around.

Honestly I’ve seen those as well and it just makes me upset because the show legitimately shows and has Willie say that he had no idea that Caleb was going to give them the stamps. Like he wouldn’t say that, if it didn’t actually happen. Because, if he had done it in front of Alex then it possibly could be spun in the way that he was just trying to fake out Alex (lack of better word) but he did it alone with Caleb, demonstrating that he did not know what was going to happen.

Honestly same, I just want good Caleb who adopts Alex/takes Alex under his wing. Yes! I’ve also seen theories where Caleb is actually working for someone and it isn’t entirely him who is trying to take their souls (however I think that yours is much better and I actually feel like it’s a good way for the show to not have so many villains you know. Also in general your idea was well articulated and eloquently put)

Oh my goodness, Caleb only using his power for people who hurt Willie and Alex is everything. (Also adding Reggie to that mix because)

Understandable honestly Luke and Flynn would be such a power duo and anyone who made Julie upset would need to run for their life. (Also I am totally here for another tangent, I would love to see your thoughts). And yes them arguing over who loves Julie more and somehow this gets finished because Alex randomly appears and says that he and Reggie loves Julie the most.

21. So how Alex gets arrested, I was legitimately going to send to you in another ask but then forgot so here it is. Basically they are at pride and just a lot of bad things are said so Alex punches a cop and hence him being arrested.

Also I love that either Alex vandalizing some thing or arson is your first theory. Honestly I feel like it’s Luke and Reggie who would be the reason for arson and Alex and Bobby just getting dragged along. Also you’re completely right, going on with that, one day they did graffiti of the Sunset Curve logo. Also I love how after all of this the one thing he gets nervous about is a closed museum with no one there.

25. Honestly Alex and Carries friendship would be unbeatable. Also Carrie alongside Luke and Reggie would definitely give Willie a shovel talk, just have to say.

You’re absolutely correct, honestly I feel like they would have such a better friendship than a dating relationship. (honestly it would be hilarious if it was Carrie who found out that Nick was possessed)

26. Honestly anything Willie, I just need and another hair flip is top of the list. What if Willie knows that Alex is short-circuiting around him and purposely does these things just so he can see Alex flustered. Also swimmer Willie is needed. And Willie twirling Alex’s hair is everything and I want that for S2. (Also at some point Alex braiding Willie’s hair)

32. Honestly anyone giving them stickers is completely true. Also yes, The person who gave Reggie the stickers was the park ranger. Who helped him locate the rest of the band because Reggie had wandered off

35. That is sad, also yes. Just Ray calling them his angels would be everything, also just more Reggie and Ray general.

I’m glad, mostly because ghost taking pictures for other ghost to be seen. Kind of isn’t logical but I just want Reggie to be able to take pictures of Willie. (Also the rest of the band as well)

37. Oh my goodness, that is a rollercoaster to read. Also agreed, Reggie just had no clue how to work the washing machine. He just had lights and darks all together and to this day Luke and Alex are very concerned on how Reggie turn some thing that was black into a like horrible red colour. Also yes, everyone was freaking out about how Luke could possibly set something on fire and how this happened in the two minutes that someone wasn’t watching him.

39. Yea, Ray and Trevor being friends would be so cool. Also agreed, since Julie and Carrie were close then they were kind of close as well so once Julie and Carrie fell apart then they just stopped being friends as well.

Agreed, also seeing Reggie has the Queen‘s baby photos with no content is hilarious. (Also possibly could be how Julie reacts when she randomly see the pictures)

Good morning/afternoon/night for whatever time it is when you read this! :)))

Box stuff (which is somehow not about boxes anymore idk how we got here lmfao):

1. Yes I love that! Maybe when she and Luke argue he gets like. Really mad. So he storms off up to his room and if he’s in a really bad temper he does Classic Teenage Boy Angsty Stuff and knocks things over and messes up his room. So Emily calls Alex to A) sort Luke’s room out because there’s no way he’d let her in there to help right then and B) to calm him down

Omggg I love that so much, like mother-son-bonding time between Alex and Emily 🥺 I imagine it like you said, they make food and then clean, and they’re basically just talking the entire time as if they’re close friends or really mother and son - like Alex will tell Emily about school and any drama that’s going on at the time, or he’ll complain about someone being nasty to him, and Emily will tell him stories from when she was younger or “you’ll never believe what Helen from down the road has been up to!” And they’re super close and know pretty much everything about each other omg yes

Omg omg ok now you’ve said that - back to the AU where they could give Bobby a sign and then still join Julie, what if they had the choice of people to give a sign? Like they could have chosen Bobby, Luke’s parents, Alex’s parents, Reggie’s parents, or any other people they were close (or not close) to. But they could only choose one for whatever reason and they all had to pick the same one, so they’re between Bobby and Luke’s parents and they can’t make a decision because either way someone is going to miss out on hearing from the boys ever again and it breaks their hearts either way

Ok so I listened to the song and first of all ouch. I think I remembering hearing it like a few years ago but it hits different now. And I can totally see it being about that if the lyrics are switched around and it hurts. But also I couldn’t help thinking of how perfectly it fits Julie (won’t lie, I was/am literally sobbing while thinking about this) so that made me think that after Unsaid Emily happens Julie and actually goes back and she and Emily become really close (we might have already said this? Idk there’s been so many posts now 😂) and this song is playing on the radio one day and they listen and they share their grief with each other and it’s beautiful and emotional and then Julie learns the song and I’m gonna stop before I make myself cry again

3. Lmaoooo thats amazing I love it. Alex talking to himself while baking is everything. And he sometimes straight up ignores the recipe book kind of like you said he’ll be reading it then just go “that doesn’t make any sense and it won’t work so bye bye Mr Recipe Book I think I can do this myself” and he literally just chucks it across the room and Luke and Reggie just look at each other like Oh God.

Board games and jam:

1. Omg yes exactly. Luke finally isn’t on edge anymore and he relaxes but Alex is just like bitch you thought and throws one and it strikes him right in the middle of the forehead

Alex’s weapon of choice is his drumsticks. Reggie accuses him of being suspicious and Alex just readies the sticks slowly and Reggie hides behind Julie apologising over and over again bc he saw what happened to Luke and is slightly scared of Alex now. Him using them on Caleb has me screaming I love that so much - it’s just like Caleb being in the middle of an evil speech all like “I will have your souls if it’s the last thing I do” and then just gets hit in the face by a drumstick. The camera pans round and we just see Alex getting ready to throw another like a dart.

Among Us

Yes omg that’s perfect lmao, and if Luke says it’s Alex everyone votes for him without questioning it so Alex spends the rest of his time as a ghost just terrorising Luke and not bothering to sabotage anyone or anything else

YES the one time Willie did kill Alex, Alex got really offended and wouldn’t speak to him for an entire day so Willie vowed never to do it again. Also I love how that means that no matter who’s the imposter Luke is the first to die - he’s terrible at imposter because people know that if he isn’t the first out then he’s the one doing the killing

Accessories - I FORGOT THERE WAS A COWBOY HAT yes omg you’re right that’s Reggie’s. And Carlos would definitely have the paper bag - he thinks it makes him look sneaky and he loves it

Flynn being competitive is everything - she gets loud and angry if she thinks a rule has been broken, literally she’ll snatch the rules from Alex and point them out to show she’s right. If a decision is taking too long to be reached she’ll just roll her eyes and take the money and give it to whoever she thinks is right. Alex just looks around like “I’m pretty sure this is my job??” but Flynn’s just like “don’t care, let’s get on with this.”

And I love that absjdldl like

Alex: Willie won his ten thousand dollars fair and square.

Flynn: Prove it.

Alex: No.

Yeah same lmao it’s been years since I played monopoly because it just causes arguments between me and my sisters but I think you’re right about the cards?? I honestly don’t know, but Flynn does and she’s great at magically choosing good ones lol. She just has a stash of get out of jail free cards (Alex: Are you sure there’s really that many of those in the deck? Flynn: *hiding literally hundreds of get out of jail free cards behind her back* Excuse me, are you accusing me of cheating?)

Yessss lmao like Reggie is doing his best to avoid him but whenever he like opens a door or something Luke is on the other side like 🥺 and so Reggie just shuts the door in his face and walks away again

Numbers:

2. Awww wait that’s adorable, like Alex trying to stay furious but Willie laughing just makes him unable to stay angry so he tries to look angry but it’s obvious that he isn’t and the whole effect is ruined but he still makes Reggie and Luke get him a new hoodie or at least fix the old one

Yay, great!! I didn’t like Arthur to begin with either but he’s one of my favourites now. Maybe he’ll grow on you like he did for me :)

Exactly lmao like Luke is about to do something dumb and call himself a hero meanwhile Alex is in the background working his magic to save his life like “I couldn’t have got a less stupid prince to be forever connected to huh?”

6. I love that, just Alex so entranced and literally breaking inside because omg cute boy hair flip omg help but Bobby just nudges him and he’s like oh yeah I’m in front of my friends I’ve gotta seem cool (even though they definitely know he isn’t) or if he’s really stuck then yep the slap does the trick and Alex is a little more annoyed but at least he isn’t just gawking at Willie 😂

Literally they’re just like “bro we know what you’re thinking. Don’t you dare. Literally we’ll be back in 25 years don’t worry”. And honestly I really might write it after I’ve done everything else or maybe I’ll save it until I officially finish school so I can focus on it completely bc honestly if I do it I want it to be the best it can it deserves it 😂

8. Ok so this goddamn tangent omg. It also works perfectly for Julie and the Phantoms but I’m going to focus on Sunset Curve bc like you said Bobby being lost without them it’s just like yeah ok.

They are literally the perfect recipe for a band or even just a group of friends. You’re so right that their strengths compliment each other because they’re all good at different things and they all bring so much to each other.

Luke - within the band, he’s their lead singer, their frontman, kind of the main attraction. His strengths lie in writing, singing, and guitar and that’s what he’s got the most control over in the band. He makes sure they have great material so they can sound amazing. Within their friend group, his strengths are mainly with building the others up, encouraging them and believing in them (see the whole “we’re the only family we’re ever gonna need” and “Alex you’re a great drummer and a great guy” and “dude you’re like a human wrecking ball” etc). He knows how to make his boys happier and he only ever sees the best in them. He’s protective and kind and a lot of other things too, but he’s best at being positive.

Reggie - within the band, Reggie obviously plays bass and does backing vocals. I can’t stress how underrated he is - it’s hard to hear the bassline a lot of the time but it’s the sort of thing you’d still notice if it wasn’t there. He’s an integral part of the band and it wouldn’t be the same without him. Also I’ve made a post about this in the past but his vocal range is insane. The guy can sing. His backing vocals honestly are so amazing (especially Finally Free (and obviously Now or Never and Stand Tall solos)) and he deserves more credit. Not only that but his stage presence is phenomenal. In every performance he is so into it, way more than everyone else. He bounces around, he interacts with the audience, he spins and jumps and one minutes he’s on one side of the stage and the next he’s on the other. Reggie provides the show, he hypes up the audience, he ensures everyone is having a good time because HE is having a good time. In the friend group, he serves to make people happy in a different way to Luke. He’s a literal ray of sunshine, he cracks jokes, he smiles, he gets rid of bad feelings before his friends have a chance to feel them. He provides the joy and the distraction.

Alex - the drummer is such an important part of any band. He keeps time and they would literally fall apart without him. He’s at risk of being overlooked a lot because he’s at the back of the stage and can’t move, but he’s so passionate about it all that he still captivates peoples attention. Still he is more of a background part, but like with Reggie it would be obvious if he was missing. As part of the friend group, Alex is the most sensible. Yeah, he still lets them do dumb shit and he joins in, 100% but he stops them from going too far. He makes sure everyone is safe and is the one to stop bad decisions being made. Alex provides safety and comfort and is there for protection.

Bobby - as a rhythm guitarist he is also another really important part that goes overlooked as well. We don’t get to see him play much in the show so it’s hard to say too much about his role in the band as a whole, but he does add that extra little something - sure, they could probably have the band without him, but it wouldn’t be the same. There would be something missing or not quite right, a gap that would need filling because it wouldn’t have that complete, full sound. As we’ve discussed before, Bobby is like the group’s counsellor. He’s there to listen to their problems, to help them through it, to listen and understand what they’re going through. Bobby provides a listening ear and somebody to talk to when things are difficult.

So all their strengths match because they’re all different and they all pull together to make one functioning band.

But then when three of them are gone, Bobby is left all alone. He doesn’t have Luke there anymore he reassure him and tell him everything is going to be fine and that he’s strong enough to get through it; he doesn’t have Reggie there to say something - anything - and make him smile just for the sake of smiling; he doesn’t have Alex there to stop him from doing something stupid (like stealing their music or doing any number of reckless things he could have done over the years); and he can’t take his own advice and move on without all of them there to help him through it. It could have been any member of Sunset Curve who was left behind that night, but no matter what they would have fallen apart because all they ever needed was each other and without that they lose all ability to function.

11. Lmao yes he managed to meet a load of celebrities because he would go to a lot of concerts and meet them but he just wouldn’t think to explain that when he told people so they didn’t think he was telling the truth

(And the Billy Joel concert was at Shea Stadium which according to Google actually took place in 2008 but it was really really good)

17. Lmao he definitely has Nick’s baby pictures. When they eventually find out that Caleb is possessing Nick, Reggie dedicates a page to Nick in his Caleb scrapbook because technically they were the same person for a while and that’s where the baby photos go

Yessssss that’s brilliant. The real reason Reggie doesn’t get to Stand Tall until after Alex is because he tugged on Caleb’s sleeve first and was like “real quick I need your baby photos. You can give them to me whenever” then he poofs out. He has his priorities in order

lol yes “take his soul but protect” is perfect. And like kinda the same for all of them? I do desperately want Caleb to end up good because like you just know that he would do anything to keep Alex, Reggie, Luke, Willie, and probably Julie (he’d really respect her because of her power and also everyone loves Julie) happy

Literally, Reggie could walk into the White House and ask to be president and anyone except Trump would be out of their chair in an instant like yes sir you run the country now thank you. He could announce his plans for world domination and all the leaders of other countries would just be like “sounds like a good plan boss”

19. I love that, like the alliances start as Alex and Willie, Reggie and Luke, Julie and Carlos but over time Alex and Willie turn on each other and use any opportunity for attack, Reggie and Luke start arguing because one of them accidentally got the other, and right from the start Carlos is pelting Julie with snowballs over and over again so they very quickly divide into the absolutely perfect dream teams you said!!

20. Exactly!! Like I don’t watch all the behind the scenes and the only time I really find anything out about the cast is scrolling through Instagram every other day or on here, but still everything I’ve seen of them together shows that they’re basically a little family. And like you said they all have so much chemistry on screen, their dynamics are so beautifully built and the best part is that there are not bad actors! I won’t lie, like there’s time from all of them when the acting isn’t perfect but that’s the same with any actor or actress and overall they do incredibly

!!!!!!!! Exactly!!!!!! You’re so right, and anyone who is against Willie is A) probably racist and B) completely ignoring what happens on screen even though it’s all obvious and they’re literally just choosing to believe he’s a bad guy smh

Thank you!! I’ve seen those theories too and I do like them but I just don’t think Caleb would be so into the whole soul-stealing thing if it was for somebody else and not for him which is why I think it’d be better if he turned nice (or turned nice, completed his unfinished business, handed over the HGC to Willie and crossed over). And yeah like you said I think once you add Caleb’s boss that’s just too many evil people. Id rather give everyone whos meant to be an antagonist (Caleb, Carrie, Trevor) character development or redemption arcs than add yet another villain

Oh yes definitely add Reggie to that list!!!

Honestly the Luke and Flynn friendship might deserve a post of its own 😂 I’ve already done one long tangent and I think this could be longer so I might do the whole thing separately lmao. but YES lmao if you mess with Julie you’d better watch out bc Flynn and Luke would be on their way with weapons. Alex solving the argument like that is everything lmaooo

21. OMG yes you’re so right. Let Alex Mercer Punch Cops 2k21!!!!! 100% that is what happens, absolutely no argument there

Ajsbdkskd yeah I love that for me, Alex gets in trouble so it must be arson. But yeah I actually like yours better, Reggie and Luke would be the ones to casually set stuff on fire. I feel like Alex would try to put it out but accidentally make it worse and Bobby would just be watching and quietly enjoying himself thinking the entire thing is hilarious. Yessss omg Sunset Curve graffiti all over Hollywood with the caption “Tell Your Friends” and it ends up being how they get most of their recognition and sell tickets to gigs and stuff. And yeah lmao plus he’s invisible he literally can’t be caught 😂😂

25. Oh yeah Carrie would be the first to do it like even though she can’t see Willie she’d be all up in his face laying down the rules

Right??? Their friendship has so much potential and way better than romantic (and that’s not just because I think Carrie is a lesbian, although she definitely is and that’s definitely a part of it lmfao). Honestly Carrie figuring out Nick being Caleb would really be glorious. Like, she asks him again to get back together with her but he has said no so many times by now that’s she’s expecting him to say no again, but Caleb thinks it could be a way to get Julie jealous and aid his plan so he says yes and Carrie is immediately like nope something is off.

26. He so would. He’d have a mental list of everything that makes Alex lose his mind and he’d make sure to do everything on it at least once a day

32. Wait that’s so cute 🥺😂 Reggie just getting distracted and wandering away and the park ranger being like ok first here have a sticker and second let’s go find your friends. Reggie immediately befriends the park ranger and makes sure to come back with a batch of cookies Alex made as a thank you bc he would not have made it out of there if the ranger hadn’t found him

37. Yeah lmao Reggie tried his hardest but just. Failed miserably. Lmao I love that detail of him completely changing somethings colour and Alex and Luke just being like wtf how did you do that. In the two minutes someone wasn’t watching him Luke managed to put his arm in a candle. Candles are now banned from the studio. Lmao if it happened while they were ghosts then Julie and Alex and Reggie would have just been talking then they’d hear a panicked “JULIE HELP” and turn round to see Luke on fire

Lmao Julie sees the queen’s baby photos and is like “why do you have some random old baby in this scrapbook?” and Reggie is just like “oh that’s the queen” and Julie is the first person who’s ever believed him without an explanation

#this took nearly two hours because of my tangent lmaooo #williexmercer #asks #emily answers

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darkpoisonouslove · 3 years

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Here are “some” fic writer asks for you: 1, 5, 6, 9, 10, 20, 32 (I know you’re pro smut, but I’d love to hear why), 34 😁😆

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Angst, angst, angst. XD While that is true, I will try to give you more than that because I am sure that you already know that part. A typical me fic has two characters (that is law), three max. I like exploring stuff in more depth and with larger casts of characters that becomes harder because there are way more PoVs to figure out and juggle while you also try to keep it somewhat in check when it comes to length and opportunities to shine that you give the characters. So I prefer to work with smaller casts. Besides, it happens naturally in my stories because the focus of the story is usually the relationship between two people so there’s no need to put anyone else in there. I also love writing about established relationships without using the word in a romantic context. I just love it when the characters have years upon years of interaction behind them and know each other so well, yet there are still things to figure out and explore between them because human nature is just so complicated. I like to have some fantasy elements or better yet fantasy characters in a non-magical/fantasy setting. That is one of my favorite things and something that I blame mostly OUAT for but not only (I have always liked that kind of thing). Oh, yes, how could I forget (smh)? Love is always present in one form or another. What kind of hopeless romantic would I be if I missed to include that? XD Also, I usually like to write more relaxed things in terms of action. Not that I don’t love me a good action adventure story but mainstream media usually plays harder into those because they’re more “exciting” so there is an abundance of that already while the emotional aspects of the situations usually get glossed over and I like exploring those exactly. So most of my fics are the characters conversing and killing each other with words. I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think of it rn.

5. Share one of your strengths.

I don’t wanna say dialogue again because that is always my answer to this question but what other strengths do I have???? (You’ll have to forgive me for this but I am going through a fun bout of doubt over here that is about personal matters but I see it has affected everything else as well.) Okay, if we count the whole writing process and not just the actual writing parts, I’d say that I am very good with connecting the dots. It’s why my plots click together and all the details piece like they were just a puzzle waiting to be put in the right place. Finding the bonds between separate elements and exploring those bonds and the way they function has always been of special interest to me not just in writing, but in anything I do. I want to know how things work and why they work like that, why event A causes reaction B from character C. I think that has helped immensely with building cohesive and (hopefully) comprehensive character arcs to base my stories on.

6. Share one of your weaknesses.

Now that I have to point out an actual weakness, I am stuck again because the doubt decided to fail me now (or is it my pride? or perhaps my analytical skills?). Anyway. One of my weaknesses is just powering through the details that I can’t figure out at the moment. I can’t do that and it really slows down the writing process a lot sometimes because I am stuck on the little things. However, I’d say that with me the little things very often influence the big things if not even take over them which explains why my process is like that. However, that doesn’t change the fact that I should just write the word I can think of even if it isn’t the right one instead of losing the rest of the sentence while I try to remember what is the word that I know will be perfect in that sentence. Or just put a placeholder for someone’s outfit and finish my damn outline instead of halting work on it for two months (yes, that is a specific example about a specific thing that has been annoying me).

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

Hardest to write are definitely the ones that are still unfinished. XD But from the complete ones, I’d say that hardest was The End of Never because it dealt with so many things that I know nothing about, emotionally speaking. It definitely required a lot of empathy and thinking and rethinking and overthinking... which is why it took so long to write (a year and 3 weeks).

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

I’d say that Heartless and A (Plot) Bunny Is Never Lonely were the two fics that were easiest to write. Heartless practically wrote itself while A (Plot) Bunny Is Never Lonely was supposed to be a joke, then a drabble, yet it kept growing until it was a full fic of its own. There definitely wasn’t a lot (or any) struggling with those two.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

I don’t really have any. But my requirements are usually a table with a chair or a bed, some music for background and my concentration to be present (like it hasn’t been recently which is why I gave writing a rest for a while). Oh, yes, and sleep usually helps even though it is not an essential condition.

32. How do you feel about smut?

I love smut if it is written the “right” way (I am saying that completely subjectively). For me a perfect smut scene is something that involves the characters in their wholeness as people, not just the physical aspects and not just the romantic ones either. Smut is actually something that can be so personal I love it when it influences the characters on a level that reaches outside of the sex scene and even outside of their relationship with each other, when it affects the way that they perceive themselves and each other, even the world around them. It has to be a profound experience that means something outside of physical pleasure, a connection of the souls. The way I see it, sex is something very intimate and a scene that is set during it can and should bring out something about who the character is, about how their current actions during the smut are influenced by their whole life, by the previous experiences they’ve had with lovers and not only. A sex scene can be very raw with what it says about a character and how they’ve been treated by life and it is made even more interesting by the fact that that happens in such a vulnerable moment. It is the perfect opportunity to explore trust or the lack of such, thereof. And not just trust but blockages the characters have that seemingly have nothing to do with sex. (Can you tell it’s the psychology talking? XD)

34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

I actually like reading both non-con and dub-con if there is a point to it and it is not written only for shock value. Following my thoughts on smut, non-con and dub-con give an opportunity to explore the reactions of the characters to having their whole belief system violated and that can really show what a character is made of. I am not sure I can articulate this well but it’s about the defiance and strength that a character relies on to get through a situation like that, about the recovery that speaks volumes about their will to live and not let what was taken from them hold them back, about the fact that even when you move on, that remains a part of you and even the acceptance of that fact is forced on you because you have to accept it in order to be able to live without being ruled by it. I don’t think I understand my own feelings on it well enough in order to be able to explain better.

Send me fic writer asks

#ask #her-majesty-wears-jeans #fanfic #my fanfic #about me #personal #my writing process #my writing

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weltonreject · 4 years

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come hell or high water

anon requested some theo and boris hurt/comfort that surrounds self-harm. i put it all under the cut for y’all’s consideration. content warning for the obvious, but also know: it is not explicit or graphic, but more so a very pointed, minor exploration of the discovery of a loved one with destructive habits (based on my own experiences)

from the beginning, it’s just easier for boris to say that They were from when he’s fallen as a stumbling drunk, or that they’re reminders of interactions with his father. it’s just easier that way. put the blame somewhere else but directly in front of him-- something he has to explain, when he himself doesn’t really have a coherent one.

why does he do it? he couldn’t tell anyone-- definitely not his theo-- for the life of him. it stopped being clean and organized and what people expected from a depressed high schooler ages ago. he no longer sounded like the mopey degenerate from an after-school special. he just sounded confused. which he was. he always was.

why was this happening? to him, to theo, to any one on earth? why was love balanced with destruction, rather than just neutral apathy? why did the world try to kill passion rather than just ignore it-- it’d die all on its own anyway.

since moving to vegas, the occasional mistake became a Habit. his Habit. it became the quickest answer and resolution when everything around him seemed so out of control. did it actually fix anything? not the way boris hoped, the way boris needed. but it was a way he felt like he was doing something. he could have the control and power to do something when everything was being done for him. being done to him.

he was sixteen before anyone noticed what he was doing. it wasn’t completely by design that boris would hide everything for years. he just knew it was no one’s business but his own. or at least, that’s how everything felt-- so why would This be any different.

then again, boris hadn’t had theo in russia or australia or sweden. he hadn’t had a friend. hadn’t had someone who cared about the rest of boris’s life-- because it was also their own.

it was a wednesday night in the middle of yet another melting summer. it was close to two in the morning. boris wasn’t drunk anymore but still felt dizzy. he and theo had been watching movies and passing a bottle of vodka since sunset. one of the movies-- one that was cut up by a thousand different commercials-- had upset boris in some copper-tasting way, settling deep in his stomach and nearly puncturing through him. he couldn’t remember what he’d seen or heard, but he could feel it shift in his chest. he’d swallowed something more than alcohol.

he sat up in his bed, shirt off and staring down at himself. he was procrastinating as always-- but he never knew why. maybe it was some losing part of himself trying to speak up. he was interrupted, and admittedly grateful.

“boris?” he thought theo had gone home. boris’s father hadn’t been home in two days; boris thought he was all alone. theo had his hand on the door, holding it open. his eyes were trying to figure out where on his upper body they could land. “what are you doing?”

still, boris wasn’t doing anything. he was just sitting with It sitting in his hand, bending it lightly between his fingers. It was flimsy and cheap-- he’d stolen it last week when theo was looking at the snack aisle.

“potter, is nothing i swear.”

“what are you holding.” theo sounded angry, but mostly from his own uncertainty. most certainly because boris wasn’t about to answer him, and theo knew that. but at least theo could then hold the silence as acknowledgement.

“is nothing. just, uh, just nothing.” boris answered like he was fall asleep. he couldn’t help it.

“boris--”

the stalemate could go on forever. theo didn’t want to believe the pieces laid out to him, and boris didn’t want to admit to anything. they were just trying to protect each other.

“boris... boris, what are you--” theo staggered into his room but he wasn’t drunk. “hey-- put that down. put it down.”

boris placed it on his pant leg slowly and held his hands up-- all empty-- and looked back at theo. his throat felt tight and he could still taste copper in his mouth-- or was it just blood? was he bleeding already, his mouth filling up like he was prepared to drown?

it felt like he’d been chewing gum on an empty stomach. his mouth felt dry but he couldn’t stop swallowing. maybe this was what suffocating felt like. maybe.

boris couldn’t look away from theo. that would be somehow far worse: to feel, even for a moment, that he was alone in that room.

“boris, is everything okay?”

of course it was. of course it wasn’t. of course of course. never and always.

“am just...” It didn’t like being spoken aloud. It always came out wrong-- never enough explanation but without any accompanying articulation. it was an island of emotions: no way to or from it. “yes.”

“i’m staying over.”

it wasn’t a strange announcement, but the understanding was new. theo wasn’t going home-- was staying in boris’s house-- for a reason beyond the lack of motor function to make it home without hurting himself. theo was saying it like boris would argue. like he had the energy to do so.

“okay.” he said. he was so scared, but he felt he could fall right asleep. his muscles felt like they were flattening. “should i get more vodka from downstairs?”

“what? no. boris, no. we’re not drinking any more tonight.” theo shook his head as he got onto boris’s bed.

boris felt like he’d never had anyone so close to him. theo looked down at his leg, then at his bare upper body. his bedroom lighting was dim, but the shadows weren’t very good with disguises. he’d been far less dressed in front of theo before, but never this naked. never undressed at a point when theo would genuinely be looking at how his body looked. seeing what had happened to it.

theo was taller than he had been when he first moved, his legs folding up under himself, but still hitting boris’s own leg. boris moved his hand to avoid it.

“boris, say something, please.”

“what can i say?” boris was genuine. “what do you think.”

“what’s going on.” theo splayed his fingers and carefully picked It up from boris’s leg. boris didn’t flinch. he kept staring at theo, trying to see through his glasses. trying to get closer. “i was right here. sitting with you, less than an hour ago. what happened? did i say something?”

“no,” boris crossed his arms over his chest, as if prepping to have more to say. “no.”

“then what was it, huh? you don’t just sober up and then-- boris, this is crazy.”

“crazy...” okay, seemed about right.

“no-- that’s not the right word. fuck, uh, fuck... come on, come on... SAT word, theo come on-- this is just, it’s a lot, boris. this is a very particular change in mood. what happened. talk to me, i want you to talk to me”

boris wanted, more than anything, to be able to talk.

“i don’t know.”

“that’s bullshit.”

“i don’t know.” boris repeated. “i do not know.”

“boris you were-- what do you mean?” theo placed his hand on boris’s arm and pulled on his wrist. he uncrossed boris’s arms. he had privileged to see them. he was the only one. “what are you talking about? you don’t know?”

“i-- no.” boris shifted, his arms falling limp in theo’s hands. “i do not feel good. is like... being full... but of emptiness. am choking.”

“oh. oh boris.”

he knew it didn’t make sense, but for some reason, theo looked at him like he understood. like something had clicked. it couldn’t have. it barely settled with boris: how could It get easier when sharing with someone else?

“i’m here now, okay? you’re not-- you’re not alone. i’m here.” what he meant to say was: i’m listening, but they both knew this was as far as the conversation could go. there wasn’t anything more to share, only things left to give. “i-- i don’t know how we’d get there but... do you need to go somewhere? are you-- is everything okay?”

“go somewhere?”

“i’m sure there’s a hospital nearby. i can call a taxi or-- maybe xandra-”

“hospital? why are we going to hospital? i am not bleeding. am not hurt.”

“i know, i know, but if you needed...” he grabs boris’s hands and it felt like theo was reaching into his chest. somehow they kept getting closer. “if you needed someone other than me. i can get you someone to talk to.”

“no. do not want to talk to anyone. no one please.” leaving his room felt impossible, especially now that theo was beside him. usually everything seemed so far away, so out of reach, but for once it was right there.

“are you sure? i want you to be sure. i want you to be okay.” theo dropped boris’s wrists and held his face. he pushed his hair back, his fingers getting tangled in his unwashed, matted curls. boris tried to twist his face out of theo’s grip, ducking and turning away. “no no, let me look at you.”

boris stilled scared simply by the words. it felt like an investigation to something boris was sure he’d done, despite not knowing the accusation. theo stared closely at boris’s eyes, boris nearly able to see himself in the reflection of theo’s glasses. he avoided the confrontation.

he let theo pour over him, simply because he was unsure if he was in a position to refuse. maybe his procrastination had been to for this. to wait to feel this. theo soothingly pushed boris’s hair around, checking his pupils and tugging a blanket around his shoulders.

boris wondered, silently, what theo was seeing. if he was looking for anything, or just trying to learn from boris’s body what he couldn’t say. he didn’t spend too much time fussing over one area of him, not making a big deal about the things that boris was so obviously and already embarrassed about.

just by being found, boris wasn’t suddenly cured-- or whatever the proper word could’ve been-- but instead could feel the backup of shame and anxiety climbing in his chest, ready to be attached to his Habit the moment he was alone again. the moment he was all alone again. even when he was with theo, he could feel it already starting.

theo’s thumbs started tracing the Ones on boris’s shoulders as he held him again. “when did you start This?” theo spoke Its name, but boris pretended they were strangers.

“long time ago. was just... how things happened. no one ever notice-- knew father and then, They just became part of consequences. no one ever asked.”

“what do you wish they asked you?” theo’s thumbs stopped.

“nothing.” boris said, blinking. “wish they would just speak instead. is not hard to say hello, yes? say that i am... that i am okay. not a question, something they are unsure of-- are adult, should have answers for child-- should be sure. am okay. boris, you are okay! you are okay now and are going to be, when you think are not.”

“boris.” theo removed his glasses and took boris’s face again. he tucked hair behind both his ears. “you are okay. and, if you aren’t-- and i know you’re not-- we are going to make sure you are.”

“you sound so sure.”

“you always are when you make promises.” theo said. he was trying not to squint and brought boris’s face closer to his own. “it’s you making demands with the universe.”

boris twisted again, the copper taste still melting across his tongue. he could only feel the impulse to apologize. “pfft. you are still drunk.”

"you’re gonna be okay, boris.” theo said, disregarding the comment. “i’m not leaving. we’re... we’re going to get through this.”

“and, you promise.” boris was trying to stomach the reality. keep it down and let it settle warmly in his stomach-- rather than violently or with sickening heaviness. it was a promise. not a threat.

“i promise, boris.” theo rested his forehead against boris’s. the closest he could be. the safest boris could think to be. “come hell or high water, i promise.”

#boreo #tgf fic #tw self harm #not gonna tag a bunch bc i know this is niche #this was super hard to write but i'm here for anyone who needs it #xo #boris fics

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theletterformallyknownasq · 4 years

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Miski - October 13th, 2018

Me: October 13th, 2018. Sitting down with Miski Noor. First question is how did you receive your name. Miski: How did I receive my name? It's interesting. When I was cooking in my mom's uterus, the story that she's told me is my father wanted to name me, and he got with his brothers and they wanted him to name me Canab, which is actually the Somali word for "grapes." And my mom was like, "nah, you're not going to name my first born - my first daughter - grapes.” *laughs* So my mom decided to name me Miski. My whole name is actually Arabic. And Miski is the Arabic word for "Scent of Jannah" which is "heaven". And my whole name is actually Miski Ali Noor. So, Miski is scent of heaven. Ali is the masculine version of Aaliyah, which means most exalted one. And Noor is one of Allah's 99 names and means "Light of God." So my full name is ‘Scent of Heaven Most Exalted Light of God.’

Me: That's beautiful. Miski: Somali comes from "Somaal", which means “go milk”; go milk the camels, go milk the goats, etc. We were actually a nomadic people and traveled with herds of animals wherever to get our needs met. That's where we come from. And so even now being immigrant and migrant, we‘re still nomadic, we've always been traveling across fake ass borders that weren't there because that's just how humanity works, you know? Me: Oh my god. *laughs* I'm just thinking of this transcription app and how it’s definitely not going to recognize how to write out your name. It's extremely racist. Not to deviate from your answer, tying this back in. The only accents it recognizes is English - North American English, European English, whatever English. And then the available accents are - and this is incredible - French, German, Russian, and then European Spanish. And that's it. Miski: You're not super surprised right? Me: Nah, but there's no way I can transcribe your full name - Miski: I could probably write it down for you. Me: True! Because it's so beautiful. There's nothing in my set of vocabulary or knowledge that I know that can articulate your name, which is like speaking to the lack of power the english language holds. [It] has “so” much power until it's intimidated by something it doesn't recognize. Miski: I mean, it's so limited and I'm not surprised when we think about white supremacy and how this world fails us. Like, what does it want to know. One of Nayyirah Waheed poems was like "you have one word for love. I have seven in my language." You know what I mean? Your skinny language can't even come close to holding the abundance of people outside of it. So, English is limiting because white supremacy is limiting and can't even possibly come close to encompassing all that we are and all that we have and all that we've even been before it all existed. Even in choosing my tattoos. The first tattoo I wanted was something that was hella Black, hella African, and I got an Adrinka symbol because I wanted Somali, but I didn't want English characters on my skin. So I got an Adrinka symbol, because that's the closest I could come to what I was searching for.

Me: And that helps with leading up to the next question. How do you identify? Pronouns et al? Miski: The way I like to move through the world is I like to use They/Them primarily and She/Her occasionally. I like a 70/30 split, and if people can't hold that, I ask them to just use They. But for the last three to six months, no matter what space I'm in, whether it's random strangers on the street or all Black intentional movement space, I'm hearing way too much “She.” And so I've been in this space of feeling like people can't hold the distinction that I want, so I'm just going to force them to just use They. I identify as a Queer, gender nonconforming femme. I identified as a woman for a long time because I didn't know I could identify as anything different. Like, I came into my Queerness later in my life and I think part of it is being a Virgo and not even imagining how anything could be different or seeing anything different.And then when I would think ‘I don't have to own this title of woman, of womanhood, I don't have to,’ it was a freedom that I hadn't known or experienced before. I could just be femme. For me, "woman" isn't just encompassing who I am. Most days, I just think of my gender as "Miski". Sometimes I'm like a fairy, you know? I don't prescribe to gender. It's also limiting to how it feels to me. I associate womanhood with suffering in a way. And it's just this identity of having to serve everybody else, having to be subjugated, having to fit into this particular role, and I've seen how people have reclaimed womanhood, especially Black womanhood. And I love and respect that. But still, even then, it's not me. So yeah. So gender nonconforming femme is where I'm at. Me: Yeah. How does it make you feel when people over-call you "she" pronouns? Miski: There is a pain that I associate with it and erasure and invisibility. And it's painful because my conditioned tendencies, the ways I've learned to move through the world in order to protect myself, are to be invisible. If you can't see me, you can't hurt me. But I'm naming that I don't want to be invisible. I'm naming my gender identity to you and you're still not honoring that. So even when I break out of the ways that I've learned to protect myself, when I say I want to be seen, you're still refusing to see me. There's pain associated with that. Me: Do you share those sentiments with...I don't like this word, or the words used to describe this. Do you feel that way or do people assume you're Black American or assume you're only African? I talked a little bit about that with another subject. Miski: We all get our Blackness questioned, right? Your Blackness is always questioned. Everybody's blackness is questioned. Are you Black enough? Are you too Black? And even questioning where your Blackness comes from. It's just another way of Othering. And another way of being placed into a particular box because Antiblackness is the fabric of this world. But in every single culture, every single nation, religion, people, anti-blackness exists. So I can't get away from my Blackness. And I think, like most Black people in figuring out my identity, that's something I tried to do as a young kid. I remember in the second grade not wanting to go out into the sun in the summer time or on breaks because I didn't want my skin to get any darker. Me: Wow. Yeah. So now we've gotten to the heart of the interview finally. I was gonna incorporate this comment that Charlene [Carruthers] made last week around Blackness being essentially Queer. Queerness being about expansiveness, about talking to the multifaceted elements of Blackness and how it isn't casted as a Beyonce on Rihanna whatever the fuck people think in their heads. So, how do you define Queer and how does that coincide with your definition of your own Blackness and your identity? Miski: For me, I took up Queer because it is all-encompassing. Lesbian feels like a box. Gay feels like a box. Queerness is like whatever the fuck it is to me in this moment and it could shift in the next moment. And I agree with Charlene in that Blackness is Queerness, like Blackness is something that everybody is trying to quantify or qualify or categorize in some sort of a way. Blackness is always being policed. "This is what Black is" and "This is what Black isn't." And to even be able to claim my own Blackness is a way for me to validate myself and my own existence. And for me to say that I'm here and that I'm real and you can't tell me what I am or what I'm going to be. And that my potential and the impossibility of me is not actually not impossible - that it is possible and here I am - here is the manifestation of me. The same way you're saying about the language we are using; English is so limiting. I think Queerness could even be expanded upon. You can't say what Queer is or isn't because I say what it is for me and somebody else's Queerness can be different and that's totally fine because that's what it is. Me: Wow. Now I don’t wanna ask you the other questions because I'm loving the organic conversation we're having right now. Talking to the old way of understanding this umbrella. I thought of Queerness as a prism, where we are just beams of power, casted through this one thing that doesn't really change but consequentially changes us, every time we own who we are. So, what do you like or don't like about the mainstream definition of Queer identity, if there is such a thing?

Miski: Yeah. Even when I say Queer or think about it, there is a particular brand of white Queerness. Who gets to decide what your identity is and how you move through the world? There is a privilege in that. Right? So there's a part of it that we have to come up against, and because of that whiteness, a part of it is reclaiming what Queerness actually is. It's limited. Politically, you have to change what that definition is. There's also us embracing our own power, moving in it where it's not just being in opposition to whatever white Queerness is or how white folks are expressing it. But how we get to stand in our power and own it. That admitting your Queerness is limited because you don't have more of a gender/racial/global analysis on what power is and how it functions in this world. Because Blackness is Queerness, and you're not fulfilling your understanding of it if you don't know how to hold the humanity of Black folks, of immigrant folks, of folks whose humanity isn't honored When this country was founded, you had to be white, male, moneyed and a landowner to be considered a citizen. What are the qualifications for Queerness? How are we dismantling and destroying [the term] so how Black and Brown folks express Queerness is actually the standard? It's not a full Queerness if you're not actually holding us in our humanity. That's just more white supremacy, except you move a little differently than other white supremacists. And you want to be held by the world, but don't want to hold the rest of the world. It's actually us standing in our power and deciding that we get to name this, we get to say what it is, and we get to offer this fuller definition based on the fact that we just fucking exist, we're here and we're real and you have to actually contend with that. Me: Can you expand on how important it is that the world understands us, what Queer identity and culture means? We have all these different things like LGBT. Or LG, at this point. It ends where Trans & Queer folks aren't included. How important is this expansiveness in the way you define ‘Queer’? Not just to liberation of folks like us but for other folks who are at the margins or the fringes of society? Miski: So I feel like when this current iteration of the Black Freedom Movement first popped off, it felt like somebody pressed the GO button for Black liberation. Part of the reason I signed up is because of the analysis of this current movement. The Civil Rights Movement was limited in its ideology in some ways - needing a charismatic male leader, and only one or two, deeming that we can't have a movement without that. This expansion on what it means to be a leader, what it means to be Black, what it means to be a Black Queer feminist, and having the framework of intersectionality that Kimberly Crenshaw has provided has folks finally in practice of that, and that is so incredibly important. One of the things that I heard that has always stuck with me is 'nobody is free until Black Trans women get free'. So when Black Trans women have their full humanity honored, then we are all actually free. And I think that's what is important for people to understand. Folks who currently benefit from this system - from the systems of capitalism, transphobia, white supremacy- their humanity is also tied up in this relic. They might think they might be benefiting but they've lost so much of their souls. You have so much of your humanity to reclaim because you can't even see my humanity. There is no freedom or liberation without my freedom or liberation, and your full humanity can't be realized and honored truly if I can't be free or liberated in this world. Adrienne Marie Brown said something around like "One of the most fucked up things about this current world is that we're not even able to imagine the impossible." We just don't question what's possible and we just live with what has already been created.So folks who prescribe to the current systems or just move inside of them don't even know how free they could be. They don't even know how much of their humanity is inaccessible to them. Even scientifically we only have access to only 10% of our brains - what is going on with that other 90 percent? What is the magic that we could reclaim? We have more than enough resources, more than enough food, more than enough water to take care of every single human. But instead we put resources into killing people, into exterminating life and so on. And I feel like that's what's at stake. Actual life. What is left for those coming after us? What is the possibility of us? That's what's at stake.

Miski: Everybody's humanity and life and the possibility of life and existing, breathing, loving one another. Having the freedom and self-determination to make those decisions for ourselves socially and politically and emotionally and physically and so on. Me: Seriously. Thank you for that. I've enjoyed my conversations with the other subjects thus far, I'm still learning, so I'm grateful for you and the others for sharing such intimate and personal perspectives on these topics. But on the other side of the politic - what gives you joy? Miski: Our joy is so fucking important, like, our resilience is actually in our joy. If we can't be joyful, we can't be resilient, we can't live. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the joy and the love that our ancestors had been able to cultivate to even bring us here to be able to be alive. Without joy, we can’t live. And there is a difference between being alive and living. I get joy from the life of my people. Just seeing Black folks existing and loving. You being able to do this project, this brings me joy. I get joy from the success of our folks. I get joy from ratchet music, twerking. I get joy from Afrofuturism and reading dope Black poets and Black people visioning a different future. I get joy from us eating good food and taking care of ourselves and learning how to take better care of ourselves. I get joy when I see us in community with each other because the ways that capitalism wins is by isolating us into individualism and us thinking we don't need each other. When we come against these systems. Even in our movement building, our relationships are our greatest infrastructure. Us building great infrastructure and building great relationships and knowing that I can go to my community to get what I need and don't have to lean on these systems.That brings me joy. All of that makes us resilient so that we can continue to build different worlds for our people, Me: How do you define safe, not safety. Safety feels like an -ism. Miski: So this question feels scary because like when do I actually feel safe Me: Well, that's kind of ironic. Miski: It's hard because I don't feel safe that often. You know? Like at any given moment, especially doing Black liberation work, the state could come banging on my door and, as an immigrant, they can take that shit away. It's so fleeting and it's not guaranteed. So I feel like I'm like in this perpetual state of fear and not knowing I'm scared all the time but I know as a nomad - with borders and nationalism - this shit could be taken away from me at any given moment. But I know at my back, there's all the skills and experiences I have but then also my ancestors are at my back and are flowing through me. So it's actually really arrogant to think I go through anything by myself. I'm never by myself. My community, my people, my ancestors, my skills and my experiences are always with me. And I think when I'm grounded in that, when I'm centered in it, where I come from, where I'm going and where I'm at and who I come from, that is when I feel the most powerful and that is when I feel the most safe - if I ever feel safe. I am not alone. It’s then when I remember that is when I feel safe. I think that's why it feels fleeting, because it depends on me being centered in that knowledge and proclaiming that I am the protagonist of my own story and I'm here - slaying dragons with my people. Me: Last question. If you could address the most influential figures and decision-makers in the state right now, what would you say about improving the standard of living for someone like yourself living in Minnesota? Miski: Get the fuck out of the way. Just get the fuck out of the way. We need the resources. We have the vision. And we will get freer so much quicker if you just let us do the thing. The world has not set you up because of your positionality to be able to get us free. And you have a lot of listening to do, a lot of learning to do, and a lot of power to hand over. You've got the same people running the same organizations for 20 years. It's stagnant because it's the passing of the baton to the same types of people for the most part. Like, it doesn't make any sort of sense and you're not going to get me free. You can't get me free. I can get you free, but you can't get me free unless you are a Black/Queer/Immigrant/Muslim/Femme/Trans person. Most times, you can't even comprehend my existence, so how could you ever validate or make it any easier for me to exist unless you are in conversation with me and you're handing over your power? Yeah, there are folks who are our allies and who are doing work, but it's a constant state of work. As somebody who holds all of these different identities, I have anti-blackness and white supremacy inside of me that I constantly have to work at. As somebody with power and privilege, how much work do you think you have to do? How much of your humanity do you still have to reclaim? How much personal transformation work do you have to do? ‘It is our duty to be transformed in the service of this work,’ like Mary Hooks says. And so you have a lot of work to do and a lot of power to just hand the fuck over if you are actually interested in a world that is capable of holding me. And if you want to play a role in actually getting us to that place. Move, Bitch! Get Out The Way, Bitch, Get Out The Way! Me: Thank you. So much.

#interviews

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funkymbtifiction · 5 years

Text

[answered asks for this week]

Inside:

Finding character typings

Enneagram 6 / resources / split between thinking & feeling

Personal Responsibility & Fi / Fe

Integration / Disintegration lines (Enneagram)

Do functions dictate what we like or dislike?

Advice on explaining things simply

Do variants influence the Enneagram wing as much as the core?

Which type is the most curious?

Is it common for ISTJs and INTJs to mistype as each other?

How can an INTJ learn from an ESFP about Se?

Can you be organized even if you have no Te?

How are ISFJs so organized all the time without Te?

The character typings are getting harder to find now that you’ve been discussing Enneagram and typing people, especially with the influx of asks. Sometimes I just want to see all new MBTI typings, but there’s only tags for each specific type, franchise and character. Can you start giving character typings their own tag, like #typing?

Good idea. The mods will work on implementing more characters into the tag, but for now we’ve put our most recent ones here: https://funkymbtifiction.tumblr.com/tagged/character%20typing

Thanks for taking the time to reply, ENFP mod.

I think you make a good point about coming up with one’s own arguments/opinions rather than sort of leeching of other’s.

However I do think I process the opinions or arguments of others to some degree… at least some of the time. I distrust my own feelings/thoughts but I also distrust the arguments of other people too.

Socrates is noted as saying “The unexamined life is not worth living” but I also take issue with an ‘over examined life’. I feel like I am constantly analyzing myself and over thinking everything to the point of not knowing what to trust (whether it is because there are so many perspectives that leaves you thinking well… how can I say I’m right if so many other people have different opinions?).

I suppose one answer to this is to just consider ourselves for the individuals we are in a sort of “well it’s true for me…”. However something about this makes me feel uncomfortable and tbh I often feel like I don’t know how I feel about a variety of things.

As a 6, I do understand. That’s a common problem for 6s. They tend to not know who to trust and if you distrust too much (I assume you’re an sp/so?) then there’s no one to trust and learn from, which leaves you high and dry. You need to learn how to grow in self-awareness and integrate to a calmer sense of self.

Google “Growth for the Enneagram 6″ for resources to help you. :)

Hi! I submitted a question, don’t know if tumblr "ate it",if not, sorry for asking again. Could u help with a concept please? Said thinking that everyone is responsible for their own feelings is a common Fi belief (because since they take personal responsibility for theirs they project this pattern on others).Does that mean that the belief that each person is responsible for their own feeling is not a matter of good boundaries but a Fi biased? I don't mean like u shouldn‘t apologize for feelings u have hurt or that u shouldn‘t care about the emotional effect u have on others, or that u don’t have to b empathetic/help ‘cause it isn´t ur responsibility. I mean that u shouldn’t have to stop yourself from living your life (be with who u love, traveling, leaving) cause living it might upset/hurt others. I used to deprive myself to not upset others, learned about boundaries & now don’t know what is/if there is a “right” If boundaries is a Fi biased? Could u please help? Thanks

There are a lot of great books out there on how to set boundaries. If you struggle to assert yourself, I highly recommend checking out your local library, they probably have at least six.

I have noticed a chronic inability to set good boundaries among a wide variety of thinkers and feelers both, so both Fi and Fe can be over-accommodating, to their own determent (including and especially if they are a core 9).

Some good things to remember are:

I will never say yes to anything I feel uncomfortable about or that goes against what I believe is right. (And if your “friends” constantly pressure you to do this, find other friends. They do not respect you.)

I will not respond to emotional manipulation. Do you know what that looks and sounds like? It often involves “If you were REALLY my friend…” “If you ACTUALLY loved me…” “Well, I WON’T GO IF YOU DON’T…” Anything that amounts to emotional blackmail. Any situation where the other person will not take “no” for an answer and tries to make you feel guilty.

Next, you have to learn how to shut down people. How to say no in a way they can’t argue with you, and then repeat your answer. “I can’t, but I’m sure you will have a great time. I look forward to hearing all about it.” “I cannot do this for you, but you are smart and talented. I know you can do it. :)” Etc. Better to sound like a broken record than be a doormat.

Regarding what you said about stopping living your life for other people:

You only get one life.

How you spend it, is up to you.

Other people cannot and should not dictate your life, because it’s not theirs.

When you make all your choices about the other person, you are giving them your life – you are stepping away from yourself and either allowing them to dictate your life, or using them as an excuse to avoid living your life out of fear.

Some people really do want to interfere in your life and make your life all about them – and often, these people are manipulative, selfish, and inconsiderate. They guilt you if you do not make all your decisions based on their responses. These are the people with whom you need boundaries, because they do not have your best interests in mind – they have themselves in mind. And nice people (regardless of type) tend to get “used” by people like this, because nice people want to be … nice. Avoid conflict. Keep others happy. Be kind.

The other possibility is using other people and their feelings as an excuse to avoid doing things you are scared about doing – like, “I can’t leave and go to college and get a career or be with this person, because my mom needs me.” In that instance, you make it all about your mom – but she may or may not need you, and if she’s a healthy individual, the last thing she wants is for you to sacrifice your future and your happiness and your chances on staying “for her.” In that instance, you’re just using Mom as an excuse not to admit you’re afraid.

The easiest way to spot Fe vs Fi in terms of things like kindness or making decisions based on others is that a Fe will want to bring others into emotional harmony and a Fi will not.

For example, you have two friends who are fighting. Actually, one blew up at the other one and now the latter person is not talking to the former person… who has no clue the latter person is actually angry at her. So the former person continues to be friendly in group e-mails. The latter person has not replied to any of them and says “I am done with that person.”

Now, a Fe would feel responsible for bringing harmony to the group, and actively mediate and/or interfere to bring about a resolution. They would not feel “okay” having two people in their close friendship circle scrapping, so they would try and fix it, because that’s what Fe does – it focuses on the emotional tone of the chosen group. If the people were non-responsive, it would pressure one or the other to do the right thing and apologize / forgive / make up, because Fe can’t go home and feel okay about this until everyone is back in harmony.

The Fi would look at the situation, be annoyed at the inconvenience this is causing them (forcing them to choose between their friends and/or take sides) and… either tell them off or leave them to sort out their own problems. Or say, “To hell with their over-reactive bullshit, if she wants to act this way and exclude herself to hold a grudge, she can do that. It’s not my problem” – and go on with their life / day and ignore the whole thing, shutting the ‘problem’ person out.

I'm not sure if this has any relevance to typing but something I keep thinking back on is this split between your thoughts and feelings (or at least that is how I articulate it). For example to be told something that makes complete rational sense, accept it at the time but then fall back into a state where you just sort of ignore what you've been told. It's like you're stuck in-between the two, like you can't fully trust or buy into the rational argument or your feelings. 6 type perhaps?

It sounds more like a lack of internal processing.

“to be told something that makes complete rational sense” <- allowing someone else to do your thinking for you and give you a solution, which means you hear it, you do not process it (think through it, articulate it in your own words, or see if it makes logical sense to you), and you discard it.

The best way to avoid ‘ignoring what you have been told’ is to process it. Think about it. Put it into your own words. Reason it out. Decide if it’s logical or not. Being “told” is not the same as “thinking” something through. The reason you cannot fully buy into it is… it’s not your argument.

You have met passionate people, right? They may be completely wrong, but they are passionate about their beliefs and/or argument because it’s THEIRS. The person parroting someone else’s argument is not passionate about it. They will abandon it, they will back down from it, they will discard it, because they put no real thought into it, they just took something from someone else and used it for a short time, rather than coming up with their own reasoning.

This is easier to do than framing your own argument or determination of logic, which is why almost everyone does it – but that’s why it goes in one ear and out the other. It didn’t involve YOUR brain. When you think about something, you truly think about it. It fires neutrons in your brain. It takes time to process, and it leaves a more lasting impression on you. It’s the same as the people who never learn from their mistakes, because they never sat down to think about why the mistake happened, the repercussions of the mistake, and what they think / feel about the mistake – how it reflects on and shapes them, and if they ever want to avoid making it again. They didn’t process it, so they’ll repeat it – and wind up expecting different results from doing the same things without variation.

The ideal thing is for your T and F process to work in harmony together. For you not to do anything that violates your sense of right and wrong (F) even if it’s rational (T); and to develop a sense of moral responsibility (F) to go with your natural reasoning and problem-solving skills (T).

You can see an imbalance in people when their functions are out of sync – like the F who is all F, all emotional reasoning, and no T strong foundation to back it up; or the T who is all achievement based or rationalizes that there is no good / evil, it’s all relative and subjective, who lacks a moral foundation (F).

6′s do tend to distrust their feelings. You are right about that. Emotions lead to emotional decisions, which lead to potential blind spots and unsafe things, which a 6 wants to avoid. But the 6 also has to realize that they are not purely rational, they do make emotional decisions – because they find logical reasons to avoid the things they fear. Fear is an emotion. Fear drives the 6. They are emotional but logical. Does that make sense? The 6 has to learn to see their emotional decisions and accept them, be honest about what’s really driving their logic. And they have to learn to be okay with being emotionally vulnerable.

If you want things to work in tandem in your stack, you have to learn to internally process things on some level and to come up with your own arguments. If you feel they are weak, study on how to make better ones. Look at what others do, but test all the arguments yourself – to see if they are sound, if you agree with them on a logical or moral level, to figure out if they are factually based (work in the real world), to find their flaws. Doing this will be good for you, regardless of your type. You need your own voice. Your own principles. Your own arguments. If you are a 6, the thought of doing this might feel a bit much at first – but it’s the only way you will come into “self-trust.”

Are the lines of integration and disintegration more important than identifying with the character traits of an enneagram type? What happens when you relate more to the traits than the healthy or unhealthy lines? Or the opposite you see yourself in the healthy or unhealthy lines but relate less to the core type? Thanks

Odds are you’ve never faced a full disintegration (which can last months) and aren’t old / wise enough to have integrated (my mom is just now moving into her 7 integration), so you should pay most attention to the overall type, its motives, its coping methods, its fears, and its behaviors. If you haven’t found one that makes you cringe, while also making you feel good about the virtues of that E type (both of which you share), you haven’t found your core type.

Have you ever looked at highly divisive movies/TV shows/musicals/books or just specific genres to see what functions are in play to cause that division? For example there are people who love the horror genre, and others who can’t stand to go near it. Or Call Me By Your Name was super decisive; half the viewers saw it as a beautiful love story, the other half as a horrifying tale of statutory rape. Or Love never Dies; around half see a deep layered masterpiece, the others are horrified by it either thinking it’s poorly made or the story should never have been told.

So the other half of the question is: have you seen patterns in what kinds of genres of stories each function is drawn to? Or on the flip side, what genres they can’t stand?

Something as complex as personal tastes is much too deep to define through cognitive functions. A lot of factors go into why people react or do not react to something – personal experience, trauma, what society thinks of it (is this accepted / not accepted?), mental health, likes and dislikes, etc. When you start trying to box people in by saying this or that type is drawn to this or that kind of entertainment or would be disturbed by this or that, you create giant generalities that can easily be disproven if a handful of people are completely that type but definitely not of that entertainment focus. (For example, I once had an INFJ tell me she knew I wasn’t an INFJ because I watched Hannibal, and a “real” INFJ would find that show much too violent and grotesque / be unable to separate their feelings from the emotions on screen. I didn’t tell her that another INFJ got me into it in the first place. ;)

This question actually allows me to say something I’ve wanted to for awhile now – cognition, MBTI, Enneagram, and other things… will never explain everything about who you are. It will never explain all your tastes, or thoughts, or passions, or interests, or eccentricities. You are a unique human being. You can think in patterns that correlate to cognitive functions, but that does not make you a robot coming off an assembly line. You get to have unique tastes different from other people with your personality type. You are far, far too complex a creature to have one or two simple explanations that define you. And that’s glorious.

So in short, no, I haven’t noticed any real patterns between tastes and how people respond to entertainment, except to say that one or two people (especially among critics) “start” the emotional response and others copy it. (Have you ever noticed how a lot of reviewers use the same words and, often abstract, reasons not to or to like something? You can tell someone who is genuinely concerned about a piece of entertainment, or who was disturbed by it, because they put it into their own intense, passionate and detailed words.)

Hi, this is a semi-mbti and weird question, but since two of the mods are Ne-doms, do you have any advice to high Ne users who want to be better at explaining stuff? I admire how the ENFP mod makes good analogies to explain stuff, which I do too since I'm INFP, but despite Si being higher in me, I lost connection to it and I feel useless and incompetent. What I say/write is lost in scattered abstractions which make me sound unreliable, which abhors Te and my (4)w3.

You need better Te development. Te is all about finding something that works for everyone that uses it – a streamlined process that produces the same results in a variety of different people. This is why a good analogy appeals to Te, because the information it is talking about has been simplified into language anyone can understand. It’s tempting for any intuitive to stay abstract in their conversation – but imagine yourself trying to explain whatever you are trying to explain to a child. What language would you use? Simplicity (if you can find it, some things are tremendously complex) is best, because not everyone speaks the same language – literally.

So if you find yourself being vague or abstract, slow down in whatever you are doing, and think about how you could make this more detailed or plainer in expression. This is HARD at first. Extremely hard. And it will be hard in some topics going ahead, even after you have gotten good at it. Most people are not simple and straightforward in their communication. They leave out details. They need others to ask them clarifying questions. Think about that, when you are looking at whatever you are writing – even if it’s just an e-mail. Is this clear enough that they will know exactly what I mean? If not, how can I make it clearer? Keep working on it, until you are being clear.

For non-Te users, and especially INTPs (I like y’all, but sometimes I don’t know what you are talking about) the key is to know what the point you are trying to make is, and to lay it out clearly without deviating into sub-trails. I realize you cannot do this in conversation, you process in your head as you go and that switches your conversational tracks, but when sending someone something you have written, you need to use the same idea – SIMPLE. Straightforward.

As for finding other things to compare it to, what’s an analogy everyone can relate to? That’s a good place to start. What do humans all have in common? (Basic needs, desires, and emotions.)

The thing I admire most about one of my INTJ friends is that she says exactly what she means and she means what she says, and if you ask her to explain what she means, she can do so in a way anyone can understand. She said she worked hard to develop that skill (to be plain-speaking) but it’s tremendously useful in her professional and personal life. So my advice is to practice saying what you want to say, and to make sure you are clear. When in doubt, ask someone else if they understand what you mean. If they say no, keep working on it. Practice. Make it a habit.

Does the instinctual variants affect the wing as much as the main enneagram type? Thank you.

I would say so, yes. In fact, I would say that while discovering your core is THE most important part of Enneagram (you get that right and the rest of your tritype wrong, you are still good, because your core’s the only thing that matters in terms of self-understanding and self-development), if you are in doubt about your wing, checking the iv’s on either side can be a useful tool in settling on one.

If you are an so/sp, for example, your entire stack will be so/sp. Your tritype should align with so/sp for all the main numbers and your first wing (they can fall in line with the second and third fix’s wings too, but your second fix’s wing matters less than your core’s wing, and your third fix’s wing is almost nonexistent in terms of influencing dramatically your personality).

Hello! I was wondering is there any type significantly more curious than the others? Or maybe is there any function which is connected with curiosity? Thanks! :D

You probably cannot beat an INTP 5w6 sp/so for curiosity. Ti wants to know how everything works, Ne has about a thousand different interests, and 5 wants to read everything it can / escape the outer world through knowledge. Sp is focused on fulfilling all its own needs, and sx-blind means no impulsive distractions – so all the time in the world to sit and read up on a million things.

HOWEVER… people of any type can be and often are curious. ;)

So I've recently taken some online MBTI quizzes, and I'm quite surprised that I got ISTJ in some of them. For around five years, I've always considered myself as an INTJ. This made me curious if I indeed have changed over the years, so I read the cognitive functions of the two types and compared them. I think there is some similarity between the Si and Ni but I can't seem to pinpoint which aspect. Is it normal for an INTJ to be mis-typed as ISTJ and vise versa? Thank you!

You don’t change type. It’s possible you’ve developed your lower functions more, or were mistyped INTJ when you are actually an ISTJ (which happens all the time on tumblr – sensors mistyping as intuitives because the S stereotypes are wrong / inaccurate / lack an understanding of sensing, since intuitives wrote them, and intuitives have very poor Se/Si and therefore do not understand instinctually how they work).

The simplest method of telling the difference is whether your regular daily pattern of information processing is to gather details in order to build a complete picture (S) or if you start deconstructing the big picture down to the details (N). The former is more focused in what’s tangibly possible, the latter is more abstract. The former may struggle to see the bigger picture easily and quickly, the latter may struggle to know which details are essential and which aren’t.

The similarity is that both process information carefully and methodically, and want to fully do so before engaging with it or putting it into motion in the outside world. The difference is your approach to the information. (Check our intj x istj tags. And http://ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is.tumblr.com/ is a good source for Si-Te processing examples.)

Female INTJ here. I didn't realize it until a few days ago, but I actually really admire some ESFPs. I admire their independence and their drive to go out and just do things(albeit poorly planned out and a bit impulsive). I find myself quite hesitant to do anything unless I'm 100% sure and then sometimes it just doesn't happen if it doesn't quite go my way. I was wondering if you had any tips on how I can successfully better myself by taking some cues and examples from ESFPs? What can I work on?

Start challenging yourself to do one thing a week without being 100% sure. Stick with ‘safe’ things for now (ie, not something that might wreck your life if you make the wrong impulsive decision) but learn to loosen up and pay more attention to taking opportunities as they arise rather than waiting endlessly. It also sounds like you might have an Ennagram 5 fix. They like to be totally prepared before they start, but what they fail to realize is the thing they fear most – going out into the world and getting life experience – is what will help them the most – going out and trying things, instead of just reading and thinking about them.

So, start trying to DO and not just THINK ABOUT.

Hello! As I understand, the inferior function is something that one is bad at but can use eventually. However, what does that mean for those that don’t have that function in their stack? For example, those with inferior Te has a want to be organized in the outside world but is bad at doing it. What does that mean for the types that don’t have Te in their stack? Are they even worse at organizing outside of themselves than IXFPs? Or is it that when those who have no Te in their stack organize things outside of themselves it takes so much energy for them that they’re less likely to do so since it’s not natural for them at all? Also, is this concept applicable to all the functions (I.e. no Si in stack meaning horrible at learning from past experiences, no Fe meaning bad at catching the mood in the room, etc.)? 2/2 PS Thank you so much for this blog! I’ve learned so much just from going through everything :)

You can learn and adapt with whatever functions you have, to be successful in the world. High Te’s learn how to “fake” Fe to get things done. SFJs can go get a book on organizing from the library, adopt all the Te author’s methods, and bring their outer world into organization. Etc. Every type is better off when they can learn from someone good at what they want to be – if you want to become organized, read, watch, and adapt material from organizational experts. If you want to learn to ‘fake Fe’ – read material from people who are good at getting people to work together in a Fe way and adopt the methods. Everything has been done before. If you want to learn it, find someone who does it and copy / adapt from them to make it suit your lifestyle.

Learning from past experience has more to do with stopping to process the experience – that’s why it’s useful to either collectively sit down and think through what happened to you at the end of a day (how you felt about it, how you responded, how you can better respond in future) or write it down. It’s proven that writing help us clarify our thoughts. We also get to know ourselves and our opinions much better through writing them down. If you write down something, you have to think about it – how to say it, what you really think or feel about it, and that forces you to process the incident. Processing often means learning from. It’s the people who never stop to seriously take stock of themselves that never learn from their mistakes.

If you are a Fi who wants to feel the mood in the room, start watching other people. Paying attention to them. Read books on how to read people and their moods, their “tells.” Do you know the difference between a genuine smile and a fake one? Between a smile and a sneer? Can you tell when someone is actively interested in what you are saying (watching you, leaning forward, asking questions) or just tolerating you (glancing around, not asking questions, leaning back in their chair)?

Whatever you want to learn in life – there’s someone who is doing it. Find them. Look at what they do. And then find a way to adopt it into your life.

Why do the ISFJs I know all really good at organizing and getting rid of clutter? Isn't Te their PoLR? It doesn't make sense to me but I'm sure they're typed correctly and it's been confirmed by multiple sources.

Si.

There’s about ten thousand decluttering books out there. Being sensors, your ISFJs have probably read those books. Si anywhere in the stack thinks, “If this worked for them, it may work for me.” Si believes you can repeat success by following the formula. If this other person did A + B = C, I can do A + B = C.

Intuitives often waste time trying to re-invent the wheel, because “copying how they did it” never occurs to them.

Plus, as sensors they are oriented to their living space and how it makes them feel. Si is a fussy dominant function that adheres to the abstract sensation of things, so a Si-dom who likes to keep things tidy so that they feel in harmony with their environment is naturally going to gravitate toward processes that help them keep their space tidy.

This is not always the case. Some Si-doms packrats collect and imbibe things with ‘memories’ and ‘sentiment’ (their feeling function) and wind up with clutter.

- ENFP Mod

#question #mbti #enneagram #submission

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taeheyhey · 6 years

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Chapter 7 - Blood, Sweat and Beers

Taehyung x Reader - Fluff/Angst/Future Smut - 5.5k words

A/N - Hello again! So, how are we all doing after the comeback?! I, for one, am still a gibbering shambles only able to communicate in fangirl!!! So apologies that I did not post this on Friday as I said I would.

This chapter is probably the most edited from my AO3 version, as I was never really happy with the way the narrative flowed as it split over two chapters. I am still unreasonably proud of the chapter title, maybe even more than the story itself :)

Once again, thank you so much for the likes and follows, do please come and say hi if you like it! I hope you enjoy <3

Chapter One ~ Two ~ Three ~ Four ~ Five ~ Six ~ Seven ~ Eight ~ Nine ~ Ten ~ Eleven ~ Twelve ~ Thirteen ~ Fourteen ~ Fifteen ~ Sixteen ~ Seventeen ~ Eighteen ~ Nineteen ~ Twenty ~ Twenty-One ~ Twenty-Two

In order to escape unhindered, they had each told their assigned managers that they would be spending the evening at the other's hotel. Seong-min had been relieved, at that point he was still awaiting permission to view the CCTV to account for the appearance of the strangely dressed girl from that morning and couldn’t quite be sure of the security of his room yet. Sang-hun had offered no resistance either, it was widely acknowledged among the managers that Jimin was among the most well behaved when staying away from the dorm – with the main culprits being Jungkook and Jin – so despite the earlier alert from Taehyung’s manager, he was comfortable enough with the increased security the hotel had insisted they had put in place that they could keep themselves out of trouble for one night.

Prior to their escape, most of Jimin’s day was – with the exception of the photo shoot of course – spent surveying Taehyung clearly be torn between permitting himself to get ridiculously hyper in anticipation of seeing you again later that night, and trying to talk himself down from the giddy heights of his overactive imagination.

The other members could see the second youngest’s focus was wavering more than usual, and each time Jimin saw his eyes glaze over slightly, or a deep sigh escape him, he felt the need to try and snap him out of it, worried that the photographer or the other boys would lose patience with him. Jimin hated to see Taehyung get scolded and, after the third time he was subjected to an exasperated side-glance from Namjoon, took him to one side and showed him the time on his watch. “Tae, we have just two hours left here, and we can go see her okay?” he appeased quietly, even while wondering exactly what it was that Taehyung was expecting would happen as a result of their excursion.

He gave a sheepish smile in response, and shook his head as if to clear distracting thoughts of you from his mind. “Thank you Jiminie, I know how weird all this is, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to drag you in to all of this.”

Jimin pat him on his behind jovially and smiled widely, his eyes all but disappearing. “Ah, I’m excited to meet her too, this girl who’s making you sillier than normal.” He whispered affectionately to his friend, not wanting the others to overhear.

It wasn’t lip service to appease Taehyung, Jimin was genuinely curious about how you would act together. He knew it couldn’t possibly be anything more than a brief liaison: they were due to return to Korea in less than a week, and even though you apparently did not know who they were, they always ran the risk of being recognised and exposed by the press whenever they interacted with the public, particularly girls. Taehyung had to understand that too, right?

For as sweet a guy as Taehyung was, Jimin had never really witnessed him being infatuated with someone this way. He had seen him flirt – a lot, and with a fair few people – but, based on his friend’s behaviour, and seemingly despite any logic and reason, Jimin had already guessed this went way beyond flirtation. Finally climbing out of the taxi at the address you had given to them, after almost barrelling in to the frighteningly large man on the other side of the bar door, Jimin saw first hand the way you looked at each other when your eyes met, and he knew for sure.

~~~

On their journey to the bar, it felt to Taehyung as if he was in some sort of dream-like state. It had occurred to him the risk he was taking by leaving the implied safety and privacy of the hotel without telling anyone his intended whereabouts. The only person who knew where he was going – not to mention the objectively ridiculous reason why – was Jimin, and he was sitting in the back seat of the taxi with him, allowing his eyes to skim over the unfamiliar landscapes rushing by in the darkness. Taehyung felt guilty again for getting Jimin embroiled in this escapade of his, all too aware that no matter how curious he purported to be, at least half of his presence was down to Jimin’s desire to maintain some semblance of protection over him. Safety in numbers and all that.

As Taehyung stared ahead at nothing in particular, he could sense Jimin’s attention shift to him, the restless up-and-down jiggling of his long legs apparently perceptible even over the motion of the car. As much as the thought of your impending meeting had pulled at his focus during the shoot, he had at least had something else to occupy his thoughts in the presence of the rest of the group and the need to maintain even just the smallest amount of professionalism. Now, the prospect of seeing you again filled his mind entirely, and he started to panic about how he was going to communicate with you. Your contact had been so sudden on the phone earlier that he hadn’t really had any time to consider it, he was simply forced to deal with it at that moment. But now, in the relative silence of the car, he was able to speculate on the numerous ways in which he might make an absolute fool of himself.

He felt a hand press firmly on his thigh. “What are you doing right now? Are you really anticipating seeing her that much?” He smiled warmly at him and squoze around his leg in an attempt to calm him.

“What if I say something stupid to her? What if I accidentally curse at her or something?” He grimaced as he thought about the videos they had seen on the internet of him accidentally swearing in English.

Jimin patted his leg and folded his hands back in to his own lap. “Just don’t tell her to sit down and you should be fine.” When Taehyung didn’t laugh as he usually would, the concern that he felt earlier seeing his friend's apparent inability to function while thinking about you crept over him, and he decided to breach the subject he had thus far been avoiding. “What is the outcome here Tae? Where do you see this going? It’s obvious this girl has made a big impression on you but...” he sighed deeply, choosing his words carefully, knowing how Taehyung occasionally had a tendency to shut down when challenged. “We have to go home soon, how do you think this is going to go, seriously?”

He chewed on his bottom lip and cast his eyes to the side to stare out of the window. Where did he think it was going? Based solely on the miniscule amount of time you had spent together, he was already dreading leaving. This was exacerbated by the fact that he hadn’t been truthful with you. Up until now, his overriding worry seemed to be the fear of regretting doing nothing, so he hadn’t really considered any other drawbacks to taking it any further than it had already gone, although he knew deep down that there were many.

“Do I have to decide right now?” He took Jimin’s eyebrow raise as an affirmative answer. He took a deep breath, the multitude of pros and cons rushing through his mind causing a slight ache to begin behind his eyes. He decided to articulate it the simplest terms he was able. “She just made me feel happy. I just want to keep feeling happy. Even if it’s only till we leave.”

At that, the driver announced their arrival, both Taehyung and Jimin pausing before opening the car doors. It appeared the taxi had brought them to an entirely unpopulated area. There were no other cars parked up on the side of the road, and the majority of the buildings stood in total darkness, illuminated only by the sparsely placed and somewhat dim street lamps. The driver turned in his seat at their lack of movement and announced the fare pointedly.

“Then, how might she feel when you leave? If she feels even a little of what you do, won’t it be hard for her?” Jimin asked before pulling the handle and climbing out from the vehicle, leaving Taehyung to hand over the money owed to the driver.

Even though he knew that his friend was just looking out for him – and, to only a slightly lesser extent, you – the words hurt him. He hadn’t yet considered that his actions had the potential to hurt you, and the possibility of that hit him hard. Taehyung knew that something almost serendipitous had occurred when you had climbed in to the wrong lift, and he knew that you had felt it too. Unsure of what to offer as a response, he joined Jimin on the kerb, and found that he didn’t need to provide one. Instead he followed his older friend’s line of sight to the building in front of them. They took in how the faded turquoise paint peeled from the sign above the door, and saw how more than one of the bulbs illuminating the letters spelling out Ronnie’s fizzled in and out of functionality, with one or two defunct completely. The lights inside however, glowed warm and welcoming through the condensation gathering on the window panes on to the otherwise deserted street on which they stood.

The agreement was unspoken, yet both friends decided that from that point, they would simply see what would happen that night, and any conversations relating to the more serious implications of their presence at the bar could be put to one side for a short time. After all, the potential consequences would undoubtedly change depending on what events may actually transpire in the bar that evening.

“Are you ready, Taehyungie?” He reached up to affectionately ruffle the back of his head, his words of warning cast to one side in order to just be supportive of his friend who appeared to have frozen on the spot. He smiled to himself and nudged Taehyung firmly, tilting his head towards the door, before giving in and pushing the door open himself.

~~~

You had almost managed to convince yourself that he couldn’t possibly be as good-looking as you remembered, but seeing him standing in the door way of the bar, his eyes on you, caused your heart to leap up in to your throat. You could vaguely make out Ronnie in your peripheral vision stood about two feet from the door, alternating his gaze between the two of you, before finally shaking his head and exiting the building. You focused your sight on him entirely – as if you had any choice in the matter – and the edges of your vision wavered slightly as he began to walk ever closer to you, your breathing becoming more shallow and shaky as the distance between you decreased.

“Y/N, a pilsner for the love of god!” Peter’s gruff voice broke through your trance-like state, dragging your attention – along with Taehyung’s and the black-haired boy’s, who you had only just noticed was accompanying him – over to the far end of the bar, where Ronnie had been sitting beside him just a few minutes ago.

You smiled apologetically at the two new arrivals, noting quickly that his shorter friend was certainly not lacking in the looks department either, a laugh threatening to spill from your lips as you were unable to resist the somewhat ridiculous comparison between the two of them and Peter and the other three regulars hunched over their drinks in the bar so far that night.

“Sorry Peter,” you said sincerely, tilting a pint glass beneath the tap and flicking the tab down, watching as they approached one of the high tables close to the bar and arranged themselves on to the stools out of the corner of your eye, with Taehyung opting to sit so you were directly in his line of sight.

After placing the large glass before the bearded man with a contrite smile, you added the drink to Peter’s tab, sliding over a bag of dry roasted peanuts covertly by way of an apology. His small scowl and the grunt he aimed at you in response was assurance enough you were forgiven, and you wiped your hands on the small apron you wore over your jeans and inhaled deeply in preparation to approach the newly-occupied table.

“Hey, thank you for coming all this way.” You usually had no qualms at all when it came to making conversation with people, it was one of the main aspects of your job, but something about the way they regarded you made you incapable of utilising the social skills years of working at the bar had furnished you with. You were all of a sudden unsure what to do with your hands, anything you did felt awkward, unnatural. You smiled a greeting at his friend, noting the way his eyes shifted between you and Taehyung, who was reaching in to his wool coat with a look of intense concentration on his face.

“It’s okay. Here is your phone,” he lifted his hand from his pocket and offered the device to you, staring at it intently before raising his gaze to meet your eyes to startle you with their sheer size again. “I charged it for you,” he informed you so earnestly that it was impossible to stop a large grin from spreading across your face, which he reciprocated the moment he saw the corners of your mouth twitch. You extended your hand to Taehyung to take your phone, your breath catching as the heat from his fingers seared in to yours and lingered there.

“I’m Jimin,” his companion announced loudly, clearly affronted by the fact that Taehyung hadn’t introduced him yet. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” he finished, a smile brightening his face, looking pleased with his greeting.

You finally turned to Jimin, unsettled at how easily Taehyung could grip your entire focus. “It’s nice to meet you too. I’m y/n.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, not unkindly, and flicked his eyes meaningfully towards his friend, who was suddenly very interested in the wood grain on the table surface, running his index finger along the pattern.

“Oh, okay,” not really sure what to say next, you placed your hand lightly on Taehyung’s forearm, feeling the heat from his body and his muscle shift even through the thick material of his coat. “Thank you for getting my phone back to me. I owe you, both of you,” you added when you saw Jimin shift in his stool. “Can I get you a drink?”

Taehyung opted for a coke and Jimin asked for a bottle of beer, his baby face causing you to need to ask for his ID, which he removed from his wallet with a grumble, pulling a snigger from the brunette. He handed it to you, his plump bottom lip stuck out an a clear display of his offence, and sight of it confirmed your assumption from the products in the hotel suite that they hailed from Korea. You wondered faintly how quickly you could learn Korean, and where you might even begin to look, and then chided yourself for slipping in to fantasy land again.

The weather had been warmer than usual for the past few days, sod’s law dictating that you had a great deal more customers piling through the door than you were used to dealing with on your own, all deciding that beer would be the best way to satiate their heat induced thirst. That coupled with the humidity in the air meant that it didn’t take long for you to regret donning the long sleeve floral blouse you’d pulled from the depths of Hannah's wardrobe instead of one of your usual plain t-shirts (dark obviously, to hide the beer stains). After delivering the drinks to your newest guests, you were more or less stuck behind the bar for 45 minutes solid, eventually using the fluted sleeves of your top to wipe the perspiration from your forehead, throwing your previously carefully styled hair in to a haphazard bun on the top of your head.

From time to time you would feel both of them watching you for a moment, before turning to each other presumably to discuss their observations, their heads pushed close together over the loud blanket of incoherent murmuring which tended to settle over the bar when it was busy. There was finally a lull in the flow of people coming to the bar and the fridges had all been re-stocked, so you took the opportunity to offer the two young men another round. They hadn’t yet approached the bar – with the exception of Jimin sweetly offering to help you with the two crates of beer you had carried from the back fridge, stacked one on top of the other, when Taehyung had gone to the bathroom – and their drinks were looking a little on the low side.

As you got closer to their table you could hear Jimin sigh deeply “Guenyeoege malhae,” before tipping back the dregs of his beer. To which Taehyung responded in a tone you hadn’t yet heard him use. Granted you hadn’t really heard him say a great deal, but the word he uttered was drawn out, and it made him sound a little petulant, “Eotteohge?” He checked himself quickly however and straightened his back and smiled widely at you, somehow showing all his teeth at the same time.

“How are you doing? Do you need more drinks?” You tried to ask as casually as you were able, but you could feel your shoulders tensing in embarrassment as you could hear your own voice several times higher pitched than usual, and you considered the possibility of never being able to act normally in his presence. You cleared your throat in the hope the question might be audible to humans as well as dogs, “another drink?”

Jimin nodded his assent began to reach for his wallet, to which you halted him by waving your hands in front of his face in a gesture vaguely reminiscent of jazz-hands, “No, no there’s no need to –” he glanced up at your frantic movement, his hand halfway between the table top and his pocket, his mouth slightly agape as if he had been paused. You pressed a hand to your chest “please let me...to say thank you.”

The exchange – if it could really be called that – between you and Jimin, was observed keenly by Taehyung, who seemed greatly amused by your interaction with his confused friend, the large rectangular smile somehow wider the more flustered you appeared. Finally, it seemed you got your point across – although slightly inarticulately – and you returned behind the bar to get them both another drink. You were glad that they both wanted another, you hadn’t really had the opportunity to speak to Taehyung, or to find out anything more about him other than he didn’t seem to like beer. It seemed a shame after the bizarre and wonderful occurrences of the night before that the story would end by you getting your phone back and everyone just getting on with their lives. Aside from that, you found that everything just felt a little...brighter...just by him being there.

~~~

After his fourth bottle of beer, Jimin excused himself to find the restroom, leaving Taehyung alone with his thoughts. He was conflicted between wanting to have more opportunity to speak to you, and a strong feeling of relief that he wasn’t having to struggle to articulate himself to you. It was better in a way, that he was sat far enough away from the bar so that he couldn’t hear your words, as he knew that if they were audible to him he would be trying to translate them, consciously or otherwise. As it was, he was content to simply watch as you poured drinks and chatted with the customers, your laugh easily identifiable as the only girl in the room.

It was clear to him that the majority of the men in the bar found you as charming as he had swiftly found you to be, even the stern looking one with the beard who was stationed at the only occupied stool pulled up to the bar, all of them taking more time to get their drinks than necessary to be able to talk to you a little longer. Although their desire to speak with you blatantly wasn’t for the same reason as his, he found he was irrationally envious of the ease in which they engaged in conversation with you, how easily they pulled a wry smile from your lips or an eyebrow raised in response to a joke he couldn’t possibly hope to follow.

You hadn’t really had a chance to escape from behind the bar except for the two brief exchanges which seemed to mostly involve you and Jimin confusing each other. He considered again in his friend’s absence the questions posed to him on their journey from the hotel. What would happen when they went home? It wasn’t like he could just tell her the truth, but he wouldn’t be able to brazenly lie. But to just leave without any sort of explanation was too cold. What could he possibly say to you to explain his all-too-brief presence? The entirely temporary nature of your encounter suddenly struck him, as until then he had been far too wrapped up in the fantasy of it all to see it.

In an attempt to gain something permanent, he reached for his phone and opened the camera app, resting the bottom of the device on the top of the table and aiming the lens to where you were stood, turning back from the cash register to hand over some change to a waiting customer. He glanced at you over the top of his phone before lowering his gaze to see you through the lens, tapping the screen to store the image in his phone’s memory, as well as his own, just as a warm and genuine smile began to take over your features. He smiled back at the screen, as if your expression was for his benefit, and sighed as he decided that one photo may not be enough and made to take another shot.

As he looked at you through the screen once more, you raised your hands above your head to push some escaped strands of hair back in to the unkempt mass of hair balanced precariously atop your head, the action dragging the bottom of your blouse from where it was loosely tucked in to your jeans, leaving a stripe of your stomach and the very tops of your hips exposed. His eyes left his phone and snapped upwards, involuntarily drawn to the newly bare flesh. He ran his tongue unconsciously over his lips, as he remembered gripping your body there over your dress, and the glorious moaning sound the action had dragged from your lips. He felt heat rush through him and his heart began to pound furiously as his breathing all but stopped.

After the briefest of moments, he noticed you weren’t moving for the first time since their arrival, and he raised his eyes to find yours staring back at him, your only movement being the heavy rise and fall of your chest as the intensity of his gaze seemed to take your breath away. With a confidence he didn’t know he possessed at that time, he boldly kept his eyes on yours, challenging you to look away, wondering if you were thinking about the same thing he was; if the same images were flashing through your mind simultaneously.

“Taehyung-ssi! What are you doing?” Jimin’s return to the high table snapped both of you from your staring match. His speech was not slurred as such, but it was evident from his carefully formed syllables that the beer had begun to take effect and he blinked slowly as he nodded his head towards where the phone remained upright and pointed at you, and Taehyung abruptly became aware of how ambiguous it must have looked to anyone watching.

He cleared his throat, suddenly embarrassed now that the intense moment between you had passed. Just as he opened his mouth to answer, the door of the bar flew open and banged back against the wall, drawing everyone’s attention instantly to the sound. In stumbled a man who was only recently familiar to Taehyung, and he turned to check your reaction and found you jaw-clenched and shoulders-squared, as if preparing to fight.

“Mark, why are you here?” You wiped your hands on a nearby cloth and moved from behind the bar and towards him, passing their table as you did so, not seeing the confused look Jimin aimed towards Taehyung.

"I’ve some questions myself y/n,” he rocked back and forth slightly, having clearly drank considerably more than four beers. “Why haven’t you answered any of my calls? I still have a right to talk to you...to know where you are.”

He stumbled forwards and towards where you were standing, your arms crossed across your chest, and it was clear to Taehyung you were struggling to suppress the fury that threatened to burst from you. “And why might that be?” You enquired, although your tone indicated you were uninterested in the answer.

“She’s gone, y/n. Back to her boyfriend. Come back home and talk to me.”

He looked much less put together than he had in the hotel restaurant the night before, and Taehyung was alarmed at the unhinged look in his eyes. He began to ready himself to move swiftly should he need to, although he wasn’t quite sure what he intended to do once he had moved, but he figured he’d worry about that if and when it came to it.

You cautiously took a step closer to him, your arm extended outwards in an attempt to calm him. “Mark,” you began quietly but firmly, “you should go. Now. There’s nothing to talk about. Period. Go home.” With that your hand made contact with his shoulder as you tried to begin turning him back towards the door.

“Don’t order me around, what gives you the right - ” He threw his arm back to shake off your hand, which threw you off balance, sending you careening backwards and causing several of the bar's patrons, including Jimin and Taehyung, to rise from their seats, the latter coming to stand by you swiftly to try and steady you.

“You need to go, right now, before you get yourself in trouble.” You warned him calmly even as Taehyung could feel you lean further in to his embrace, and he knew it wasn’t just for the sake of your balance.

Your ex-boyfriend’s attention than shifted to him, recognition clear in his eyes. “You’re that guy from the restaurant last night. Is this who you were with all night y/n? It didn’t take you long did it?” He scoffed and smirked cruelly, flicking his eyes back to you for a moment. “I should have known you’d do something like this. How long have you been seeing this prick for then?” He made to move closer to him, and you were certain that it would have been more threatening if he was able to focus on one thing at a time.

Out of the corner of his eye, Taehyung saw Jimin remove his jacket and begin to make his way over to where the three of you stood, the rest of the people in the bar seemingly on pause. He couldn’t see his friend’s face as he stood between Mark and the two of you, but he had a fairly good idea of the way he would be glaring at the inebriated man right now. The shift in Mark’s expression seemed to confirm Taehyung’s suspicion as he looked momentarily fearful, before the alcohol-fueled bravado won the battle over his face. To Jimin’s credit, he didn’t flinch even a little as he snarled down at him. “And who the fuck are you then?”

“A customer who is fucking welcome in my bar,” The three of you were shocked and confused to see Mark fly backwards as if by magic, until the large man from earlier came in to view. “Which is a lot more than I can say for you. Are you alright y/n?” He looked over at you, still gripping your ex by the bunched up clothes at the scruff of his neck.

“I’m fine, Ronnie, just let him go.” Taehyung was sure he understood the words you spoke, but he began to doubt his comprehension at the feeling of you sagging further in to his arms and the tears which were beginning to form in your eyes belied the flippancy of your statement.

“Peter?” Ronnie sought confirmation of your version of events from the man who apparently never moved from his stool.

“Barged in, threatened two of your customers, and pushed her.” He summarised succinctly, nodding his head to where you were standing, Taehyung’s other arm now stretched around you, his eyes trained solely on the tears threatening to fall on to your cheeks, not seeing Jimin move back to their table where his phone was ringing.

Peter’s summary and your clear distress were verification enough and he immediately released his grasp on Mark and let his fist fly towards his face, knocking him backwards and splitting his lip. “Don’t come here again. And don’t go anywhere near her, do you understand?” He didn’t wait for a response, he simply walked towards you, causing Taehyung to relinquish his hold on you and observe silently as Ronnie placed his large hands either side of your face and used his calloused thumbs to wipe your tears away. “Why are you sticking up for him again, huh?” he asked tenderly before hugging you briskly and releasing you to grab himself a bottle of beer and take up behind the bar to help finish the shift for the night.

You smiled weakly in an apology to Taehyung as you walked past him to join Ronnie behind the bar, and he was devastated to find that you could barely meet his eyes. He tried to think of something to say that might be helpful, but before he had the opportunity Jimin grabbed him arm, worry evident on his face. “Seong-min called. We need to go back to your hotel right away. He doesn’t sound happy.”

Assuming they had been caught for sneaking out, even though the feeling of dread had begun to settle in the pit of his stomach, it didn’t seem to matter as much as him telling you how much it meant that he was here with you. That none of it was your fault and that he was glad he came, no matter what happened. He approached the bar opposite you, leaning over it to grip your hands in his, wrapping his long fingers around your own, stroking his thumbs up and down your skin, causing goose bumps to rise up the length of your arms.

He wanted to be able to explain his overwhelming desire to protect you and make you feel better. To tell you that if it were possible for the two of you to be together, it would never even cross his mind to speak to you the way Mark had, to even look at you that way. How unfair it was that he had you and cast you aside as if you were nothing, when all Taehyung wanted to do at that moment was kiss you until you smiled again. He didn’t know how to say any of those things though, so as he raised one of his hands to lift your chin gently, he said precisely and softly, “You deserve so much more than him.”

~~~

You had stood in a daze long after his friend had pulled Taehyung out of the bar and in to the waiting cab, but you insisted that you finish your own shift, apologising to everyone in the bar for the fuss, each time being chided by Ronnie. “Don’t you apologise for that cretin any more. I’ve had it. So...” he began, his tone suddenly playful “those were the boys who had your phone then?”

He was relieved to see the embarrassment creep up from your neck to your face, a sign that you were starting to calm down from the unfortunate incident with Mark. But what must Taehyung think of you now? As if last night hadn’t been strange enough, and now this? What a mess. There’s no way he would want to see you again after this, what normal man would? He had been so kind to you before he left though, the memory of his large hands surrounding yours and his sweet and obviously carefully chosen words causing the beginnings of a shy grin to go along with your red cheeks. “Hmm,” you finally answered, “Taehyung and Jimin.”

Ronnie nodded emphatically as though they were the kind of names he heard every day. “Right, right. I like the short one better.”

#bts #bts smut #bts v #bts taehyung #taehyung #taehyung smut #taehyung fluff #bts fanfic #bts imagines #bts scenarios #taehyung x reader #v x reader #taehyung imagines #taehyung scenarios #bts fluff #bts angst #taehyung angst

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Wynonna Earp Season 4 Episode 9 Review: Crazy

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This Wynonna Earp review contains spoilers.

Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 9

Wynonna Earp has often balanced the inherent darkness of its premise with, among other tones, some zany supernatural fun. Ostensibly, “Crazy” is another case-of-the-week story that has Wynonna & co. hunting a social media-obsessed genie who has a cannibal suffering from kuru disease as her, er, master.

Past that, it’s yet another glimpse into just how deeply Wynonna has internalized the curse she was once ruled by, and just how much she is suffering because of it. She may no longer be beholden to the Earp curse, but Wynonna is still living as if the only thing she’s good for, the only thing she deserves, is a life of demon-killing. “Genie, you’re free,” our protagonist tells her target—the implication being that there is no such freedom for Wynonna, only a life of looking morally ambiguous monsters in the eye as she kills them and then going to sleep drunk and alone. I can’t quite figure out where Wynonna Earp Season 4B is going thematically, and I love that I don’t know because I think that is part of the point: Wynonna is in a dark, messy place. She’s an imperfect heroine, a hero who has made some bad choices, and the show isn’t giving us an easy answer to the questions of morality those choices have brought up.

In “Crazy,” Wynonna’s antagonist is not Doug, but rather Ginny the Genie. I’m not sure how well it works that Ginny’s relationship with Doug begins narrative life on this show as an allegory for domestic abuse, but, aside from that, Ginny’s messy end works incredibly well with this larger thematic exploration of monsters & morality Season 4B has been exploring. Because Ginny’s culpability in Doug’s murders isn’t black and white. She may be hiding behind Doug’s wishes and his disease, or she may be genuine when she tells Wynonna she silenced her screams because she couldn’t stand to hear them when there’s nothing she could do. Wynonna seems to believe this is a lie, but it’s unclear if she would have made a different choice, that she would have spared Ginny’s life, even if she did believe the excuse.

“You gotta listen to the screams. You’ve got to look the cost of it in the eye, and tell it to go fuck itself,” Wynonna tells Ginny. Because this is the deal Wynonna seems to have made with herself, the line she has drawn in the sand, and you’ll notice it is very different from what happened with Hoyt Clayborn. She didn’t look Hoyt in the eye. She waited until his back was turned to shoot him, and she seems to think there is no coming back from that. She doesn’t believe she can be with Doc unless he falls down to the dregs of humanity alongside her. “Welcome to the moral low ground,” she tells Doc when she believes he has killed someone, so happy to have a companion once again because she is so damn lonely in her moral failure. But she doesn’t know how to ask for help; she only knows how to keep fighting. “The difference is that you have a way out,” Wynonna tells Ginny because she is so unpracticed at imagining a future for herself guided by self-compassion and forgiveness—these weren’t thinks her daddy taught her.

Meanwhile, Nicole is finally able to face her own ghosts—and I’m (mostly) not talking about that chicken-kicking video. It’s fitting that this episode begins with Wynonna and Nicole doing some friendly sparring because the two mirror one another in some interesting ways in “Crazy.” The difference is: Nicole is much further along working through some of the issues holding her back. She is able to look Doc in the eye and be honest about the mindset that led to making a deal with Margo Clanton, trading Waverly’s safe return for Doc. She admits that she was scared, and she thought Doc would be able to get out of whatever the Clantons had in store for him. She doesn’t say she regrets it because that would probably be a lie—she had to be sure that Waverly would come home—but she listens when Doc rebuts and she apologizes. More importantly, she faces it… and herself.

In the process, she reclaims the town sheriff position. (The democratic process has really fallen by the wayside in Purgatory, huh?) It’s hard for me to get behind Nicole’s return to the uniform as anything other than a plot point driven by characterization. If this series has a major narrative flaw, it’s the lack of specificity in its small town setting. As someone who grew up in the middle of nowhere, I’m always on the lookout for more authentic representations of rural life, and Purgatory is not it. (Though it does get winter right—for obvious reasons.) That being said, I don’t need Purgatory to be authentic, but I do need the setting to have, for want of a better phrase, better character continuity. Wynonna Earp seems to want Purgatory to have a sense of place, but it’s been incredibly erratic, from season to season and sometimes from episode to episode. That someone could live in this town and not know that Doc is a hundreds-year-old vampire or that Waverly is an angel is unlikely. The memory-altering fog hasn’t made it to town… yet.

Speaking of which, Ginny tells Wynonna: “I can stop what’s coming,” implying that yet another Big Bad is on the way—presumably, Eve, whom we haven’t seen since the beginning of the season. It’s too soon to tell and not as much fun to dwell on as other aspects of this meaty scene. We’ve discussed much of it, but not the fact that Wynonna is offered Ginny’s power and seemingly easily refuses. And that’s one of the things that sets Wynonna apart from the villain she is so afraid she has become. Villainy is using the power you have to hurt other people for the sake of securing and/or accumulating that power. It’s what Doug was doing when he started eating people’s brains. (Although that analysis is complicated by the fact that Doug seemed to have some kind of mental illness?) Wynonna has only ever used her power to try to protect others.

The question then becomes: what was Wynonna’s choice to kill Hoyt if not villainy? Is shooting someone in the back to keep them from potentially hurting your family an act of securing power? Does it matter what we call it? Should any one person have the right to decide which demon lives and which demon dies? Wynonna is obviously wrestling with these questions, even if she is unable to articulate them in any real way to herself or her loved ones. The closest she gets is in her conversation with Ginny—a “safe” space to express her feelings as Ginny is about to take them to her grave or hell or wherever she is about to end up. “I get it. I’m poison too,” Wynonna tells Ginny, equating herself with someone who just helped a man slaughter multiple innocent people. It’s yet another sign of just how poorly Wynonna thinks of herself these days, and just how dark this show can get in an episode that also involves another character delightfully yelling “Kristi Yamaguchi!” to a crowded bar.

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Additional thoughts.

It’s telling how cult-like and obsessive people can get about trivia irl that it took. meso long. to realize that everyone in town was under the influence of Doug’s wish.

“I never want you to blunt your ambition… it’s one of the things that makes you you.”

“I got you back. That’s my happy.”

Doc is surprisingly good at pop culture trivia.

“I must remain in this battle to prove that it is I who has the ideal brain.”

Maybe Purgatory should come up with an alternate model of local law enforcement?

I loved the multiple convos between Nicole and Rachel—a reminder that these two spent a lot of time together as family when Waverly, Wynonna, and Doc were in The Garden.

Doc has minions now.

“God damn law enforcement.” “The gun does tend to go to their head.”

“That means our beautiful cowboy is in the clear.”

Jeremy’s a really bad coroner, huh? He didn’t notice that those corpses have no brains.

Jeremy and Waverly get to make a murderboard!

Weather facts!

Wynonna: I won’t leave your side. Wynonna: *immediately leaves Ginny’s side*

“Random trivia is not an accurate way to judge intelligence.” Scream this from the rooftops. But also I love trivia.

“Well, now I love trivia… and you. In that order.”

What did the Clantons want with Doc? I assumed Margo just wanted to, you know, torture him then kill him, but the fact that Season 4B made a point of bringing this up again makes me think it’s more complex than that.

“The badge alone does not give the authority.” Doc demonstrates his peptalk superpower yet again.

Anyone else miss iZombie while watching this episode?

The gap between real-life cops and TV cops is so broad.

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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THE TROUBLE WITH THE STARTUP FUNDING LANDSCAPE

It was not until Perl 5 if then that the language was suitable for writing serious programs, and yet is taboo in ours, is a good number of unthinkable ideas. People who like orange are tolerated but viewed with suspicion. So the lower we can get the response rate is abominably low at best 15 per million, vs 3000 per million for a catalog mailing, the cost, to them, is practically nothing.1 It might be a good thing for the world. If you see pictures with man-made things in them, it has been a long time, practically to the beginning of the end of my day these meetings are never an interruption.2 So the cheaper your company is to operate, the harder it is to focus more on the idea part and less on the startup part.3 If you take a boring job to give your family a high standard of living, as so many programming languages do. But other considerations can outweigh the advantages of moving.

If you want to take a break from working, I walk into the square, just as a landmark in the history of science, architecture, and the latter because the whole culture cares about design will be sailing upwind. When you take people like this and put them together with other ambitious people, they bloom like dying plants given water. For example, in my database, of.4 I can't write a general purpose function that I can call on any struct. It's not necessarily a problem if you work in sales or marketing. Here is an example of a spam that arrived while I was writing this article.5 You do need to be better to follow the truth wherever it leads.6 Every movie is a Frankenstein, full of imperfections and usually quite different from what was originally envisioned. By 1998, Yahoo was the beneficiary of a de facto Ponzi scheme.7 This technique is successful in the long term, which do you think most will choose?8

Investing is not covered by antitrust law. I wouldn't be surprised if there start to be thrown off. If your eight year old son decides to climb a tall tree, or your teenage daughter decides to date the local bad boy, you won't be selling the company for 20. Why is it conventional to pretend to be a waste of time, that programming languages don't become popular or unpopular based on what expert hackers think of them as rather passive. 06451222 difficult 0. They can be considered in this algorithm by treating them as virtual words. It was a lot of what's good in an article often survives; indeed, the closer the paraphrase is to plagiarism, the more dangerous false positives become, because when the filters are really good, users will be determined by the amount of math you need as a user.9 So once the quality of their product, not the confident media stars they are today. But until this does start to happen, we know VCs are being too conservative. So someone investigated, and sure enough, that patent application had continued in the pipeline for several years after, and finally issued in 2003, but no one told me.10

Not just something you can leave running as a background process. You shouldn't worry about prestige. One way to do great work is to volunteer as a research assistant. In How to Become a Hacker, Eric Raymond describes Lisp as something like Latin or Greek—a language you should learn in college had the same flaw: a very hard problem, blithely approached with hopelessly inadequate techniques.11 The tree structure of large organizations sets an upper bound on freedom, not a side project; its goal was to grow as fast as I can type, then spend several weeks rewriting it. The dream language is beautiful, clean, and terse. So a plan that promises freedom at the expense of those you don't. If you find something broken that you can learn more about this from a wise grandmother or E.12

There is hope for a new techology, than a few years, it would be better for kids in this one case if parents were not so unselfish. Of course, figuring out what you like, but is disastrously lacking in others. When I was a philosophy major in college.13 The harder they squeeze, the further the seed flies, but they didn't have the people yelling insults out of cars. When people are bad at math, they know it, they're big. At first the default reaction of the Slashdot trolls was translated into articulate terms: Who is this guy? Fashion doesn't seem like work to you? Four forces, three of which one could have predicted, and one that would have been, if they hadn't had to write a paper for a class, but because it's more convenient. If a lot of hand-wringing now about declining market share.14 Creating such a corpus would be useful for other kinds of work are like. They may have to like what you do enough that the concept of spare time seems mistaken. On the surface it feels like the kind of group you're meant to like, but what they want to do.

Notes

Sites that habitually linkjack get banned. But it's easy for small children to consider themselves immortal, because she liked the outdoors, was starting an outdoor portal. I was surprised to find may be some number of users to observe—e. Within Viaweb we once had a tiny.

These were the case. Wisdom is just knowing the right thing, because the danger of chasing large investments is not a nice-looking man with a clear plan for the next stage tend to become one of the most successful ones.

Few consciously realize that. In Russia they just kill you, they thought at least once for the manager mostly in Perl, and b I'm satisfied if I could pick them, initially, to drive the old days it was the least correlation between launch magnitude and success. I couldn't believe it, but even there people tend to notice when it's aligned with the melon seed model is more of a startup idea is that in the computer world, and only one.

A has an operator for removing spaces from strings and language B doesn't, that's not the original text would in 1950.

People who value their peace, or much energy would be worth trying to sell or not. But it is possible to have suffered from having been corporate software for so long to send a million dollars. Perl has. Giving away the razor and making more per customer makes it easier to take care of one's markets is ultimately just another way to see the old car they had no government powerful enough to defend their interests in political and legal disputes.

In other words, of course, that it had no natural immunity to dictators. However, it could become a manager. Google Video is badly designed.

An influx of inexpensive but mediocre programmers is the discrepancy between government receipts as a constituency. At this point for me was the first phase of the venture business, and their hands thus tended to make peace. This is why we can't believe anyone would think Y Combinator is we hope visited mostly by technological progress, but in practice investors discount merely predicted revenue, so you'd have reached after lots of back and forth. And while they may end up making something that was a bimodal economy consisting, in which multiple independent buildings are traditionally seen as temporary; there is a down round, though more polite, was one in a company tuned to exploit it.

But it isn't a picture of anything. It's worth taking extreme measures to avoid faces, precisely because they attract so much the better, for example, it's this internal process at work. Then Josh Wilson came in to pick up a solution.

If you want to keep their wings folded, as it might be an open booth. Most of the causes of the rest of the auction. Russell was still saying the same reason parents don't tell the whole story.

I'm not saying you should be especially conservative in this they're perfect.

Inside their heads for someone to invent the steam engine. He had such a discovery. But so far has trained them to justify choices inaction in particular made for other kinds of companies to acquire you.

I don't know. Quite often at YC. Investors will deliberately affect more interest than they have that glazed over look.

Garry Tan pointed out an interesting sort of love is as blind as the little jars in supermarkets.

The two guys were Dan Bricklin and Bob Frankston. Believe me, I asked some founders who'd taken series A rounds from top VC funds whether it was overvalued till you run through all the returns come from.

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thedivinefish · 4 years

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TGIWednesday and a new baby

TGIWednesday News

Whoa! A new baby? Several of my intuitive friends kept seeing a new baby around me in the Spring. Considering I’m fixed I told them “no way”. But my oldest son surprised us all yesterday with the announcement that he and his wife are expecting. Well, I just want it on record that I am ruling out names like Covid and Rona for first names... just sayin'. So even out of all this mess comes a new life into this world. Even though we’re often knee deep in mud, conspiracy and yes sometimes even frustration and anger towards people, places, things and situations... life still marches on. Often it is to remind us that there is always good to consider, to look at and to be thankful for. So remember that during these times and keep the faith that as Granny Ruth always said, “and this too shall pass” tough times don’t last, strong people do.

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In addition, throughout the full 30-days, Jimmy will be dialing into your energetic signature each day upon rising and make certain that you are a clear yes, unclear to no and running forward before you start your day. He is doing the heavy lifting for you around 3am NY time while most of you are asleep in order to smooth out your way and increase your most favorable life outcomes.

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Upon written email request, for each new order we offer a one-time email analysis via the intelligent healing software that Jimmy uses on your behalf. Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes!

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers. *NOTE if the MDP Service was purchased via a special telesummit or radio show offer, prayers will be limited to BUYER ONLY - and will not include family members or pets.

You can run this monthly and stop at any time after the 30 days is up, you will have the opportunity to renew and update your list each month but are under no obligation. I believe you will experience magical transformations and make progress every day!

Sessions at the Tampa Office

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS *Last week for Friday phone appointments, expected return to Kodawari is May 29th

I'm scheduling 15 and 30 minute appointments at Kodawari Yoga Studios from 10am-2pm EVERY FRIDAY.*IMPT! You must call Kodawari directly to schedule times and dates with them AND pay them directly at the front desk prior to your appointment Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk PRIOR to your appointment - 15 minutes 38$ or 30 minutes 68$. UPCOMING DATES: May 29 June 5, 12, 19, 26 3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! To All Mastery Students: If you haven't taken the time to complete the course and book your Certification test with Jimmy - now is a great time!!

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN MORE HERE

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library.

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better. Don't forget... you can share these with you immediate friends and family.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe COVID-19 Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Improving Sex Improving Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Windfall Youth & Vitality

TGIFunny

Forward

Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session Transformational Healing of Body, Mind & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations! Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads and books to improve your life! Get Certified in My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for Supplements http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2020 All Rights Reserved

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

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divinefishingtips · 4 years

Text

TGIWednesday and a new baby

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

LIVE Appearances - Free Healing

Monthly Zoom Event - MySwitchWorks

Have spirit show me a new way to make money.

Show me & tell me how to take out the blocks preventing me from making progress.

Get me past my stuck energy.

Release my lack of motivation.

Help me get out of this sense of overwhelm!

You get the idea :)

ACCESS CALL REPLAYS HERE

The Jimmy Mack Healing Radio Show

**NEW TIME** TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT CALL IN (206) 806-9965 https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions

Click Here for Previous Weeks' Show and a full archive of past guests & replays.

Yesterday'sShow - Special Guest Kimberly Marooney Angel Readings and Intuitive Readings

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

From the Fish Box

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Sessions at the Tampa Office

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS *Last week for Friday phone appointments, expected return to Kodawari is May 29th

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! To All Mastery Students: If you haven't taken the time to complete the course and book your Certification test with Jimmy - now is a great time!!

LEARN MORE HERE

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library.

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

Stay connected!

Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

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365dailyaffirmations · 4 years

Text

TGIWednesday and a new baby

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

LIVE Appearances - Free Healing

Monthly Zoom Event - MySwitchWorks

Have spirit show me a new way to make money.

Show me & tell me how to take out the blocks preventing me from making progress.

Get me past my stuck energy.

Release my lack of motivation.

Help me get out of this sense of overwhelm!

You get the idea :)

ACCESS CALL REPLAYS HERE

The Jimmy Mack Healing Radio Show

**NEW TIME** TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT CALL IN (206) 806-9965 https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions

Click Here for Previous Weeks' Show and a full archive of past guests & replays.

Yesterday'sShow - Special Guest Kimberly Marooney Angel Readings and Intuitive Readings

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

From the Fish Box

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Sessions at the Tampa Office

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS *Last week for Friday phone appointments, expected return to Kodawari is May 29th

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! To All Mastery Students: If you haven't taken the time to complete the course and book your Certification test with Jimmy - now is a great time!!

LEARN MORE HERE

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library.

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

Stay connected!

Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

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advancedthetapractitioner · 4 years

Text

TGIWednesday and a new baby

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

LIVE Appearances - Free Healing

Monthly Zoom Event - MySwitchWorks

Have spirit show me a new way to make money.

Show me & tell me how to take out the blocks preventing me from making progress.

Get me past my stuck energy.

Release my lack of motivation.

Help me get out of this sense of overwhelm!

You get the idea :)

ACCESS CALL REPLAYS HERE

The Jimmy Mack Healing Radio Show

**NEW TIME** TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT CALL IN (206) 806-9965 https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions

Click Here for Previous Weeks' Show and a full archive of past guests & replays.

Yesterday'sShow - Special Guest Kimberly Marooney Angel Readings and Intuitive Readings

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

From the Fish Box

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Sessions at the Tampa Office

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS *Last week for Friday phone appointments, expected return to Kodawari is May 29th

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! To All Mastery Students: If you haven't taken the time to complete the course and book your Certification test with Jimmy - now is a great time!!

LEARN MORE HERE

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library.

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

Stay connected!

Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

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psychedelictrashpanda · 4 years

Text

spiraling pendulums

alright I figured it out -- articulated the problem. I’m always told “you can get this company to run itself and make enough money” but never understood why he never tried to get the company to run itself for himself (well, partly because of hardcore trust issues) This basically translates to me being able to live off of other’s labor (of someone else running the company I guess?) instead of his labor (of him running the company). and I can’t live off my own labor if I’m laboring for him. lol what a wild contradiction

I was plunged into insanity. comparing: the labor on the grow is all focus on production of commodity and sold in high quantity to distributors in the market. the distributor side of things is all bureaucratic shady conniving bullshit from the government to us and from us to the psychology of the general consumer. I’m already so over it. the more I think about it the worse it gets. [and FUCK man, I want to work on the grow but rereading this I realize all that focus on production is all the more pressure by him AND time spent around him with the potential for arguments at the grow... maybe we can work something out iunno..] I was thinking of the question that keeps coming to my mind of “am I violating my core principles” in this gross attempt of a dance at capital accumulation. part of me values the very idea of not having values and core principles though -- aha! but if I start an endeavor with that tabula rasa mindset and adjust myself to the business mindset needed for success, that act in itself is violating the anti-value chaos by placing value and structure in very real places: the places that would violate what would be my ideal character form. you know, I’ll sort of float between “free spirited rebel” and “but if I must have principles they will be these, which are functionally the exact opposite of what’s needed in an individual for the success of a private enterprise.” fuck me, right?

but I already tried working at the grow under him. I dunno. maybe after he notices I’ll trash this “opportunity” (at mental derangement) as a result of our inability to get along, he’ll let up just a bit. I mean I know I’m stuck with this “druggie who may fall out at any chance they get to do so and buckle under the pressure” (I hesitated to type pressure cause I heard his voice “you don’t know pressure!” I’m so UNCONSCIOUSLY WHIPPED) but maybe, hah, no, maybe not, maybe I need to fucking leave. get money. get out. extended vacation in the summer to tolerate inevitable further extended stay in oklahoma afterwards. the cancer will be the factor of course. god, if I wasn’t allowed to be upset at him because of the work he does or whatever reason before...

alright how about some happy times? a little female attention from a stranger can go a long way for a mans confidence. especially if that female just decided to start dating your friend a couple weeks beforehand. I used to “steal” my friends girlfriends back in the day after I dropped my extra weight in high school, so this made me feel young again. I was only slightly more mature with my decisions. no intercourse, but fooling around is fine, I never initiated anything, she is the instigator and aggressor. and yes, I have a lack of respect for this particular friend due to his racism and hardcore prejudice, which I can tell is energy misplaced. or maybe he truly does have fascist convictions and is just a coward when confronted about it, who knows about anything these days. I do know I”m feeling pretty gottamnmned guddd

#capitalism #business #potatoes #labor #family #badfriend #thots

0 notes

sheathandshear · 7 years

Text

But Why Doesn’t the Depressed Person Do the Thing?

Any non-depressed person who’s interacted with a depressed person for a while may find themselves puzzled by a lot of the less well-known aspects of depression. Feeling sad? Okay, we get that. Feeling suicidal? Well, that’s a lot more complicated, but we kind of get that? But one of the things I’ve heard the most from other non-depressed people/people in my life is:

But why don’t you do the thing?!

And they’re not asking me to learn how to ride a unicycle. They’re not asking me to run for office. They’re not asking me to clean my house from top to bottom, even though my house is disgusting and really could use a good clean. No. They’re asking me: Why don’t you do the dishes? Why don’t you answer emails? Why don’t you refill your meds before you run out? How is it that with 95% of the responsibilities you take on, you drop the ball and then just watch it roll down the hill?

So here, in part, is a short explanation of why it’s not that I don’t do the thing, it’s that often, I can’t.

What the world is like for a depressed person:

The future does not exist. Literally. Depression is a plodding series of single days. It’s not that we don’t get calls from creditors, or recognize that we really need to finish that project at work, or even do laundry -- it just doesn’t matter, because we’re continually stuck in in the now, with no energy or imagination left to contemplate a future beyond “can I get out of bed tomorrow”. We are running on 10% battery, always, and that energy gets relegated to the most basic tasks of survival.

If there’s suicidal ideation in the mix, this gets even more pronounced, this basic inability to give a shit about things even with long-lasting, even dangerous consequences. Bad credit score piling up? I don’t care. Thousands of dollars of medical bills and student loans? I don’t care. Not BPA-free? I don’t care. Start smoking? I don’t care. Self-harming? I don’t care. Go to school for another two years? For what? Put together a career path? Why? Even if you’re not actively seeking out death, there’s an underlying feeling that death is right around the corner, so you’re not going to live long enough to see the bad consequences of your actions.

We see the laundry on the floor. We see the dishes in the sink, and the roaches on the counter. We see the trash piling up. We see the unread emails and the unopened bills. We see that there’s nothing left in the cabinets but half a box of instant oatmeal. It’s not that we’re lazy. We want these things to be solved. But there’s this very useful word called avolition:

“A symptom of various forms of psychopathology; the decrease in the motivation to initiate and perform self-directed purposeful activities. People with avolition often want to complete certain tasks but lack the ability to initiate behaviors necessary to complete them. It has been related disorders of diminished motivation, [such as] schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and trauma disorders.” (Wikipedia)

To give an example: I have problems with laundry. A lot of problems with laundry. The combination of physical chronic illness (doing laundry requires repetitive lifting arm motions and carrying heavy loads up and down two flights of stairs) and depression means that I do laundry maybe once a month, and only with outside help (namely, my sister to actually do the laundry and bring it up to my room), where I fold it -- or not. For the last few weeks, it’s just been sorted in various laundry bins strewn across my room instead of put in my drawers.

I want to do laundry. I know, intellectually, I need to do laundry. But the last time I managed to do laundry independently was during a hypomanic episode when I brought all four giant bags of my laundry to a 24/7 laundromat in the middle of the night, because even then I couldn’t manage the process of waiting load by load at home, and it cost me a good $40. Mental illness: it’s expensive, and not just meds and therapy.

Well, yeah, but you’re not one of those “low functioning” severely depressed people. You look fine. I know what real depression looks like.

I truly hate the words “high functioning” and “low functioning”, because they don’t accurately portray the subjective experience of depression, and they give this idea that you can just look at someone and tell that they’re depressed.

Let’s play a game! Can you tell which one of these people is severely depressed?

Unwashed hair and clothes, flat affect, stays in bed, avoidance of social situations, can’t verbalize their experiences or emotions, cries all the time.

Seemingly chipper and upbeat and work, starts projects but never finishes any of them, increasingly “unreliable”, chainsmoker, late or absent all the time, politely dodges their coworkers’ offers of social events, apartment is an utter, disgusting mess, only eats cereal and yogurt because everything else requires too much energy, never answers the phone because their creditors are the only people who call anymore.

Informed, calm patient at the psychiatrist’s office. Dresses well (because their entire wardrobe is nice clothing), highly articulate and clever, may even use diagnostic language themselves, has a sense of humor about their condition, subtly reaction testing the psychiatrist the entire time, leaves the psychiatrist feeling like the patient is stable and only “slightly” depressed. Patient doesn’t mention daily, vivid daydreams of suicide, because at one point the psychiatrist talked about institutionalization as a joke about one of his other patients.

Unemployed but actively searching for a job, doing odd jobs for family in the meantime. Has a sense of humor, affectionate with friends and animals and children, but never seems to complete all the tasks on their list, just the most basic ones, and the job hunt isn’t going well. They lost their previous job because of poor memory and concentration problems. They never cry, but they’re prone to random outbursts of rage disproportionate to the situation. They used to have a number of hobbies, but those hobbies seem to be dropping off; when asked about it, the person shrugs and says that they don’t have time, even though you can’t figure out how, because it seems like they never do anything.

Surprise! These people are all severely depressed!

If you take away a single thing from this post, it’s that people who are depressed (even severely depressed) often don’t look or act like the stereotypical image of depression. Moreover, many people who are depressed but don’t fit the stereotypical image of depression think they’re lazy or unmotivated when in fact, they are experiencing severe symptoms of their depression, such as avolition or an inability to plan and act for the future.

So the next time you ask yourself “Why isn’t this depressed person doing the thing they need to do?”, ask instead, “How might their depression affect their ability to do the thing that they need to do?”, and “How can I help them find ways to work with their symptoms to improve quality of life?”

*Standard disclaimer: Many of the things I describe come from my experience as someone on the heavily depression-skewed side of the bipolar spectrum. YMMV.

#depression #mental illness #bad brains blogging #bipolar #disability #tw: suicidal ideation #tw: suicide #tw: self-injury

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