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#so. illusion by vnv nation. uh. i’m not okay first of all
arklay
·
2 years
Text
hi i found another song last night for the clown pair and i will never emotionally recover from this
#it’s only 6am but i’m about to be so annoying right now
#so. illusion by vnv nation. uh. i’m not okay first of all
#but okay i don’t know if this is even gonna make sense without the context of their relationship and like everything that is in my brain but
#i heard this and all i could think about was how he just pretty much goes off the rails after learning from spencer that he was basically
#an experiment and she just doesn’t want the albert she knows and love to go. she will stand by his side. she will follow through with the
#vision they’ve shared over these years but she doesn’t want him to leave. she’s by his side through it all and that’s not going to change
#but seeing how consumed he becomes by his hatred and anger. how it fuels this ideal to become a god. she can’t help but feel like he’s
#slipping away and there is nothing she can do to stop it. she’s never seen him be reckless or act so much on emotion and it’s a change she’s
#not sure she likes seeing. it doesn’t change the fact that she loves him. doesn’t change that she will see this through to the end with him.
#i have so many emotions about this song it’s unreal but hearing it and my brain going oh uh this fits them actually was just ouch stop
#wish i could transfer all the context in my mind to others so they are like italicised oh moment over this as well
#‘i know it’s hard to tell how mixed up you feel / hoping what you need is behind every door’ that anxiety that was placed in him as a
#fail safe by spencer. that need to be something greater and to push for his plans because of these ideals and beliefs that he was brought up
#to believe. ‘each time you hurt i don’t want you to change / because everyone has hopes you’re human after all’ help. they may believe
#themselves to be superior over other people. may fancy themselves as gods of a new world. but this perfect image he’s created. this cold and
#composed demeanour. it doesn’t change that he hurts as well. that what spencer did to him and the life he stole from him was going to affect
#him because he still is human. and she knows that better than anyone. i mean literally the rest of this verse too. just all of it i’m so
#oughgh over like the need to strive for something more. but also tying back into that thoughts on kafka note from alex and when she said
#that he must have felt this way as well. that he was bred for a purpose and when that was fulfilled he would be cast aside. idk i’m fine i
#swear. then of course the whole chorus is just ouch ouch send help ‘i don’t want you to hate / for all the hurt that you feel’ like shut up
#shut up shut up this is not okay. screaming over this whole song like it just ruined me last night… also this bit from next verse i think
#also ties really nicely into their whole will live as gods in the new world situation and the fact that they just know each other’s minds so
#well and are so intelligent and believe themselves better than others like ‘but what i do know is to us the world is different / as we are
#to the world but i guess you would know that’ OKAY i’m literally gonna shut up now i promise i’m just. okay. i’m fine
#pair: 🤡
#leah.txt
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