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#so...as long as i'm finding new ways to engage with that relationship i'm happy to keep writing them
sunsetkerr · 1 month
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KISS & TELL | s.kerr
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summary: the girls find out exactly who gave you that ring [789 words]
pairing: matildas!reader x sam kerr
notes: the long-awaited second part to 'hush hush'! this was the most voted wip to work on, next piece will be too far gone which was the second most popular xx happy valentines week loves!
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IT WENT ON FOR about a week.
Your teammates pestered you all throughout camp about who gave you your engagement ring, and most importantly, how you kept it a secret for so long.
You gave them bits and pieces. Oh, we've been together for a few years now, but we've just kept it private..... She's super busy lots of the time, really hectic work schedule...... We played soccer together growing up.... You just didn't relay that you still play together. That your fiancee actually captains you.
Sam was enjoying every moment of it. She loved the secrecy, she adored watching her teammates pull their hair out over it. Chids had a whole shared notes app dedicated to adding information about your dubbed, 'mystery woman'. Sam revelled in her new title.
She was feeling extra cheeky, there was no denying that. Sam was at her peak watching everyone scramble around, listening as you slipped out little pieces of information of your relationship together.
Did you feel guilty that you hadn't told your team? Sure. But you and Sam never really felt the need to. They're your family, you love them with your whole heart- but this was one thing you and Sam just wanted for yourselves.
"Well I want to help plan your hens night," Alanna shrugged. The topic of your secret engagement had come up again after dinner one night.
"No because I'm not going unless you tell us!" Macca argued from her spot on the beanbag, Harper on her lap. You laughed, crossing your arms and putting your feet up on the couch.
"We can do without the numbers, Mac" You waved her off.
"Hey Y/N?" Ellie walked into the lounge area looking for you. "Can I grab my pre-wrap from you tonight please? I wanna start packing for Queensland,"
"Always punctual as usual" Mini chirped from her place on the couch, your feet resting in her lap.
"Shut up" Ellie quipped.
You chuckled, "Yeah, let me go grab it". You headed off towards your room and managed to pinch Sam's ass on your way past her, distracting her from the in-depth conversation she was having with Steph.
You chuckled as she tried her best to ignore you, but you knew she could never. Once you got into your room, it was only a matter of seconds before Sam followed you in. She crept up behind you and snaked her arms around your waist, tickling you as she squeezed you tight.
"You're cheeky, hey" She laughed, kissing your cheek as you giggled and tried to push your way out of her grasp. She moved her way down to your neck and you tried your best not to squirm in pleasure, knowing that at any second anyone could come-
"Aunny Sammy and Y/N are kissing!"
Your heart dropped and you pulled apart from Sam. You both turned around to see Harper standing in the doorway, pointing at you and Sam who she had just caught in the act.
"Mummy!" She ran off, yelling down the hallway.
"Harps, Harper! No!" You called after her, running down the hallway. She was surprisingly fast for a near-three year old. By the time you managed to find her she was already halfway through relaying to your team what she had seen.
"They kiss! Sam and Y/N kiss like Mum and Mummy!" She smiled looking back over to you. Sam had now come up behind you, a guilty look on her face, your lipgloss smeared on her lips.
"Skip.." Mary spoke up, slowly looking from you to Sam. "Is that true? Did you kiss Y/N?" She asked a shocked look on her face. The rest of your team looked at you both in silence.
Sam begrudenly crossed her arms over her chest and nodded her head shyly, a smile breaking out on her lips. "She just got engaged, Sam.. Not cool" Mary shook her head.
"Oh my god," Alanna erupted.
"Are you serious Maz?"
"Jesus fucking Christ" Mackenzie put her head in her hands with a sigh.
"What?" Mary held up her hands, looking from everyone back to you both. Sam chuckled and stepped forwards, holding up your hand that dawned your shiny new engagement ring.
You saw the cogs turn in her head before they finally clicked. "Oh my god!" She screamed, rushing over to congratulate you both. The girls all followed suit, shouting at you both for keeping it a secret from them all for so long.
"I can't believe you!" Alanna hugged you from behind, her arms around your neck.
"I don't kiss and tell, Kennedy!" You smiled as you watched Sam explain to your team how she proposed. You were so happy to finally have your team in on your secret. It just made it all that much sweeter.
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ginnyluvstimmy · 15 days
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strange initiative ( willy wonka x f.reader) +18
Sorry for any grammatical errors, I will check everything asap :)
Enjoy the reading!
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( where willy wonka wants to be more intimate with you but doesn't even know where to start )
You and Willy had been engaged for a long time now.
Support him in every way possible so he could open his dream shop and sell the best chocolate ever made, but lately it was exhausting him beyond all limits.
You wanted to make him relax, you knew you had to make him relax, but he...he wasn't the type for physical contact.
Or rather, it is more correct to say that hugs, pinches and caresses were his specialty, even kisses, sometimes, but never more than that.
He was innocent, clueless and awkward when it came to sex, and even if you never broached the topic, which would end up with him dying of embarrassment and you laughing heartily, you knew well that he would not cross that line.
That suited you fine.
You were much more experienced than him, you had already had other relationships and on the one hand you were happy that he wasn't the guy to take you to bed every night, but lately you've been driven by the desire to find out how his big and delicate hands would caress your hips with possession, draw circles on your thighs with excitement or perhaps much more...
You knew his hands were capable of things girls would just dream of, but he used his manual agility to package and churn out chocolate from morning to night.
Well, maybe luck turned on your side that evening, to your surprise.
You were on the bed when the handle moved and the door creaked a little.
Your boyfriend mumbled a hello and smiled, his cheeks a dark shade of red.
He set down his chocolate bag on your table near the entrance and started fiddling with the buttons on his shirt.
You raised an eyebrow.
"Y/N, are you tired?" Asked he.
"Not really, why? You want the usual cuddles?" You giggled.
He nods as he finally removes the button from his collar. He lets his shirt fall to the floor. He tries to look smooth but he looks awkward as he stands there without a shirt.
His body was still perfectly proportioned, fit, but the contrast with his face was lethal.
"Can we try something new today, babe?"
You didn't understand where he was going.
His brown hat was now hanging on the coat rack, and his dark chocolate curls were swept back, gifting him almost a sensual look, which didn't suit him.
"Ok, sure..." You finally managed.
He gulps down a deep breath then slowly came towards the bed. Willy sat down beside you, taking your hand and pulling you so you could lay beside him.
He put his hand on your waist and brought you close. With his other hand, he started lifting your loose pajama t-shirt to take it off.
"Willy...what are you-"
He gave you a shy smile. You noticed that he’s nervous, he’s shaking. He can barely keep his eyes open and he can’t speak. He managed to get your t-shirt off and stopped for a second, taking a deep breath, obviously staring at your breasts.
He realized at that moment that he really was innocent. You were going to be his first.
"Baby...that's so sweet" You chuckled, getting on top of him as he threw your t-shirt on the floor.
"Are you panicked?" You slowly caressed his curls, feeling the curly silk flow through your hands.
Your boyfriend let out a small muffled sound and nodded. He kept his eyes shut tight as you caressed his curls and his cheeks went even redder. He was terrified and embarrassed but he has this sense of relief that he gets to experience this with you, someone who actually cared for him and loved all his insecurities.
"We're not forced to do it" You whispered.
Silence.
"But...every guy does it and...I have kept you waiting for so long"
Your eyes almost got teary at his words...
He kept a grip on you as he nuzzled his face into your neck. He buries his face into the crook of your neck because he couldn't bear to look at you in the eyes.
"I-I'm nervous," he stuttered, his lips brushing against your skin. "W-what if i mess it up?" his breath hitched, he was trying to stay calm.
"No baby, you won't mess this up"
You could hear him taking a big breath, slowing down his breath.
"Ok, I'm ready"
A shaky smile animating the lips you adored.
"Good boy" You smirked a little, unzipping his beige-green trousers.
Suddenly Willy dropped his head onto the pillow, his chest rising in time with his frantic heartbeat.
You already felt halfway there.
"It's ok Willy, I'm with you. If you need me to stop, just tell me"
He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.
"Just tell me...will it hurt?"
"It depends. Usually it does, if it's the first time, but it lasts for a few minutes"
"Thank you..."
You pulled him close to you and tried to keep the anxiety away. You felt it was your duty to make this as comfortable as possible.
Then you kissed him. Slowly. He blushed with embarrassment.
His lips opened softly beneath yours, allowing you to taste him calmly and thoroughly. Suddenly, his hot tongue invaded you and projected your senses into a languid and boiling dimension, which took away your ability to breathe.
His lips felt like silk and tasted chocolate-like, a complete ecstasy that came from the other world...
Willy Wonka kissed like a god. He moved his mouth with an insecurity and carnality that made your blood tremble at its contrast.
He had never kissed you like that.
"I want to hear you" He murmured, pressing his lips to your ear and then biting the lobe.
"I want to touch you"
I almost had a heart attack. His voice vibrated in my bones until it took my breath away.
Raspy and pushing.
It felt like seeing another guy, who wasn't your shy and crazy inventor boyfriend.
You realized that maybe, all this time, he had just been keeping his perverted fantasies aside, looking for the right opportunity.
Your own thought excited you.
His hands on you and all your clothes were gone now.
When he pushed his tongue into your mouth again you exploded.
You put your hands in his hair and complied with him with an almost desperate emphasis. Your body was burning alive.
You had never felt those sensations before, and they were devastating.
His fingers gripped and trailed up in a trail of shivers to my buttocks. He took them in their hands and squeezed them with possession. He turned your head and your heart pounded in my throat.
You didn't even realise it but now he was the one on top, maybe already for a while.
Now I could finally see it. That need.
It was inside his eyes.
And it was screaming your name.
"Y/N...Y/N I really want to go further..."
"Then do it, do anything your body wishes"
After an initial moment of amazement, he gave you a cheeky smile that exuded virility and perversion at the time.
He took off his boxers, sat on his heels and places you astride him. The sight of his erection made you tremble and swallow at the same time.
Our faces were aligned and Willy squeezed my pelvis with his hand. With the other he held it and begins to rub it slowly on your slit, teasing it with your juices and making you shiver with pleasure. Feeling it skin on skin made you on fire. The same fire that burns in his dilated pupils.
"It's all yours baby"
You didn't know if he was asking you to continue because, manually, he was incapable; but the instinct that led him to all of that was terrifying.
He was a completely different person in bed.
Maybe because of some of his new last minute creations? Any chocolates that he didn't let you try?
You chuckled.
"Are you still sure?"
You came back from your trance, barely realising he had asked you something.
You just nodded back, smiling.
Now the caring boy seemed to be back but no, because he had already slammed you against the mattress, returning on top of you.
With a sharp thrust that moves me a few centimeters, he penetrated you, drawing a cry of pain and pleasure at the same time.
It was unexpected, powerful and invasive. Yet, feeling him inside of you was the most beautiful feeling you've ever felt in your entire life. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your own lips together, while he stopped and gave you a moment to get used to his size. When the initial burning had faded, you lift your hips and urged him to continue. He grabbed my thighs and pushed them further apart. He came out slowly and entered you again with more force, making you scream.
"Is this the right way? Did I do something wrong-"
He was panicked when you shouted.
"N-n...no...baby, j-just keep going love-"
Pervaded by a wild complacency, he continued to move relentlessly in and out. Harder.
Faster, making you moan with each thrust.
You indulged him, unable to control yourself. You passed your hands over his chest, moving down onto his contracted abs covered in beads of sweat.
You worshipped him, as if you had a God in your hands, while he slammed me onto the mattress with incredible but gentle force.
He grabbed your hips and with a single move made you turn your back, a small cry of amazement escaped you.
You were kinda proud of him, he didn't even need instructions for the use of his body.
"Is it ok baby...? Can I do it?"
You just nodded.
There was a very tender contrast between the kindness and innocence of his requests for permission and the wild aggression of his gestures that stunned you.
You found yourself with your cheek against the pillow and your pelvis raised to the height of his sensitive spot. With one hand he grabbed yout buttock, he placed the other on the back of your neck to keep you still. You felt dizzy and hot.
He gathered your hair into a ponytail and rolled it into his tight fist. With a jerk, he forces you to tilt your head, taking your breath away, as he moves against your opening.
He gave you an overwhelming thrust that made you arch your back.
You twitched your toes.
You rolled my eyes upwards, overwhelmed by a mixture of extraordinary sensations.
You followed his movements and he, pleased on an unimaginable level, tightened his grip on your hips. He bit your shoulders, your neck, every piece of skin possible.
Willy reaches down between your legs with one hand and stimulated my clitoris, intensifying the pangs of pleasure.
My God. You could die...
You didn't know what that guy was capable of...
And no, he wasn't Willy Wonka anymore, but whoever else he was, you loved him.
"W-...Willy...I really need to come..."
"Uh? What does that mean babe?"
You arched your back and tried to find the words.
"You know...to let go and..."
"Oh, got it my love"
He turns you around, crushing beneath him. With your eyes closed, you wrap your legs around his hips and push your heels against his buttocks. Your smells mix, your bodies merge. This position made everything so intimate...
"Can I still go in one last time?"
Something about the way he asked sounded almost childish and needy.
You nodded, caressing his cheek.
The chocolate maker contracted his muscles and penetrated you with more force. You screamed and lift your hips to meet his thrusts.
You held his waist with shaking knees. You were exhausted, exposed...too much...
You held onto his shoulders until you exploded, for the first time with his name on your mouth, just like in your dreams...
Soon his body tensed, his biceps muscles flex, as he is shaken from the orgasm.
Willy looked at the dirty bed sheets like something foreign, different.
"Babe...what is it? Did I hurt you? Did-"
His eyes focused on the white substance.
"No love, it means we both enjoyed it"
His curls between your fingers.
"Mmmh...I see" He exclaimed breathlessly, collapsing on top of you with his face in the crook of your neck. You felt like the earth was shaking, or maybe it's just you doing it.
Or Willy.
You didn't know.
You held onto him tightly, holding him in the warmest, most comfortable hug you've always wanted to give him in bed, after your session.
You would like to thank him... but you didn't have the strength to say it, because you both fall into a deep sleep.
You would have thanked him the next day, perhaps with a second round, and he would have thanked you with his best chocolate ever baked.
You loved Willy more than anything...
Your mysterious, shy and perverted William Wonka.
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nana-mania · 1 year
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pls can you do a part 2 for the red flags of bllk characters!! it was so good!
࿐*ೃ sure!! i actually plan to do for more characters in part 3 so characters suggestion is highly encouraged! (4 CHARACTERS MAXIMUM)
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“HIS RED FLAGS” - PART 2 - what does he do that make him an obvious red flag?
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╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ headcanon
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࿐*ೃ feat : reo mikage, seishiro nagi, oliver aiku, rin itoshi
࿐*ೃ fandom : blue lock
࿐*ೃ extra : gn! reader, angst.
࿐*ೃ trigger warning : cheating, manipulation, profanities, toxic relationship.
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REO MIKAGE
╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ Reo would be the best, most perfect partner ever if only he believes that not everything can be resolved through his wealth. He loves you, he does but you're never his priority. All he cares about is his football career. He barely has time for you, often spending time with Seishiro to practice soccer together until dusk nearly everyday. When you tell him about your worries, you expect him to take action and finally considers to mend the relationship again. But he never. He just gives you tons of money and tells you to have fun by yourself to cheer you up. When you insist him to spend quality time with you, he harshly rejects you by saying he is busy. Indeed, he is busy. He is busy being Seishiro's servant and prioritizing his happiness more than yours.
“Sorry, Y/n. Not today. I have practice.”
“I told you, I don't have the leisure time to play around. I need to practice soccer!”
“Just take this money and enjoy yourself. Leave me alone and never speak about this matter ever again.”
SEISHIRO NAGI
╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ Seishiro...is lazy, in general and in all ways. Relationship is a hassle for him to handle due to his lazy nature. He never make an effort to spice up nor mending his relationship with you. If it happens, it happens. That's his motto, one that he never fail to hold onto. Seishiro basically doesn't even care about you let alone your feelings for him in the slightest bit. He is solely using your vulnerability to his advantage. In all honesty, he only engages in relationship with you because he thinks you would be useful to assist him with his daily needs. You're a gullible person who simply follows all his orders like a servant, only thinking you only do this out of love and casting aside the fact you're being manipulated by your own boyfriend. He asks for breakfast? You make one for him. He tells you to wash all his clothes while he play games? You gladly do so. This goes on for a while until you realize how wrong this is and confronts Seishiro about it. The result, he never give a flying fuck. Instead, Seishiro manipulates you into thinking this is your own fault and makes you feel much worse.
“So...what's your point actually? You're blaming me over your own stupidity?”
“You're really dumb, Y/n. So dumb that it took you this long to notice.”
“Apologize? I never do anything wrong. It isn't like I hit you or anything.”
OLIVER AIKU
╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ We all know what this man is capable of; cheating. From the start of the relationship, he has dropped countless obvious hints. During date, you will always find his eyes lingering on other people as he “admires” them with a lustful smirk on his face. When you confront him, Oliver just brushes it off and says you're overreacting. It doesn't matter how many times you scold him, he will repeat his doing. And as time passes, he straightout flirts with anyone that catches his interest right in front of you. Daring to even exchange number while his lips curves into a seductive smirk. He barely has time for you and frequently leaving the house to have fun with his “friends”, which turns out to be his secret lover, one that he has been cheating on you with for a long time.
“Jeez, you're overreacting too much. I'm just being nice to them.”
“What's wrong with getting their number? You know me, I like making new friends!”
“Come on...can you just be open-minded and let me do anything I want? I can date anyone I want besides you. You have no control over my life.”
RIN ITOSHI
╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ You and Rin were like dream lovers, perfect for each other and completed each other's heart. That's it, until the dispute between Rin and his older brother happened that drastically changed him...and his relationship with you. Rin is not as sweet and as caring he used to be, solely focusing on his goal to surpass and beat his older brother in their unhealthy rivalry. He has become more distant and acts colder toward you. There is no spark of joy in the relationship anymore, with Rin drifting apart from you and you hurting from his cold-hearted treatment. You try to be there for him, supporting him in his journey to be the best striker to prove to his older brother but your efforts are often overlooked and left unappreciated by Rin. In fact, he sees you as a nuisance rather than his biggest supporter.
“I don't have time for you. Screw off, (Y/n).”
“You interrupted my practice to tell me to fucking rest? Are you telling me to laze around?”
“From now on, stop visiting me during practice. You are a fucking nuisance.”
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࿐*ೃ thanks for reading this headcanon! likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated ♡
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h-sleepingirl · 1 month
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Milton Erickson and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar... (Essay)
Finally, I've finished this essay about connections I'm finding between hypnosis, Judaism, magic, and intimacy. It's ~4.5k words, extremely "me," and I'm really thrilled to share it. Enjoy!
--
My weakness is getting deeply invested in very niche topics.
Hypnosis was my first and most lifelong obsession. It was my confusing, shameful sexual fetish that I eventually took by the horns and -- through my desire to learn as much about it as humanly possible -- turned into a job. But not a normal sex work job where I do hypnosis for money -- a weird job where I just teach about it. The kink community, and the further-specific niche where people want to hypnotize each other during intimate experiences, became my home.
But the value of study doesn't really come from the quantity of people I'm able to engage with. It comes from the way it enriches my life. It creates and benefits from the capability to see overlaps between all of my various interests.
On the surface, it may appear that two skills have no relationship. But the deeper you get into each one, a synthesis appears.
At a certain point when you are learning hypnosis, all seemingly-unrelated information seems to fit effortlessly into your hypnotic knowledge. You can listen to a song and suddenly you learn something new about how to hypnotize someone. Maybe it was a lyric that gave you an evocative emotional response; maybe it was a pattern in the music that you thought about replicating with the rhythm of your hypnotic language.
Over a decade into my own hypnosis learning, I got very lucky and found a second passionate home in communities of Jewish text study about a year ago. I started from almost zero there and found myself again to be a greedy novice, obsessed with digging into it.
Of course, as I got further, it became that I read a page of Talmud (a text of rabbinical law and conversation) and suddenly I learned something new about how to hypnotize someone. And as I progress, it is starting to go the other way: I learn about Torah study by reading about hypnosis and intimacy.
There are two directions this essay can be read. “How can intimacy and hypnosis teach us about Jewish text?” And, “How can Jewish text teach us about intimacy and hypnosis?” One half is of each part written by me as an authority, and the other half is by me as an avid novice. The synthesis of these two parts of me -- just like any synthesis between concepts -- may perhaps create something new.
Models
I’m sure most communities have a version of the idiom, “Ask three people a question and get five answers.” For a long time, this was a source of frustration for me in the hypnosis community. Is hypnosis a state of relaxation and suggestibility? Kind of, but also no. Is it more accurate to say it is based on unconscious behaviors and thoughts? Well -- kind of, but also no. 
So what is it? Well, it’s probably somewhere in the overlap of about 20-30 semi-accurate definitions and frameworks for techniques -- what we’d call “models.” Good luck!
Why is hypnosis so impossible to define and teach? How have we not found a model that we can all agree upon yet? I think many people share this confusion, and it's complicated by the fact that most sources for hypnosis education teach their model as the model. It makes sense -- it would be difficult to teach a complete beginner a handful of complex frameworks with which to understand hypnosis when that person is just trying to muddle through learning “how to hypnotize someone” on a practical, basic level.
…Or would it be? By the time I got involved with Jewish study, I had long given up on chasing the white whale of some unified theory of hypnosis. I was firmly happy with the concept that all ways to describe hypnosis are simply models -- and all models are flawed, while some models are useful. I was delighted, when entering Jewish community spaces, to hear the idiom, “Three Jews, five opinions.”
This concept is baked into Jewish text study, in my experience. You can look at any single line in Torah and find innumerable pieces of commentary on it, ancient and modern, with conflicting interpretations. Torah and other texts are studied over and over -- often on a schedule -- with the idea that there is always something new to learn. And this happens partially by the synthesis of multiple people's perspectives adding to and challenging each other, developing new models. My Torah study group teacher always starts us with a famous line from Pirkei Avot, a text of ethical teachings from early rabbis: “If two sit together and share words of Torah, the Shekhinah [feminine presence of God] abides among them.”
The capacity to develop and hold multiple interpretations at once enriches your relationship with the text. So too do I believe that being able to hold multiple interpretations of what hypnosis is and how it works enhances your skill with it. It is not a failure of the system -- it is the best thing about it.
Intimacy
It is intentional to make the distinction of “relationship with the text” -- not “relationship to the text.”
My job on the surface is to teach hypnosis, but the meta goal is to simply teach something that helps people develop profound intimacy with others. I think that hypnosis is a kind of beautiful magic that is well-suited to this, but it’s not the only path to take.
One of my favorite educators, Georg Barkas, describes themselves as an intimacy educator who teaches rope bondage. Their classes and writings are highly philosophical and align closely with my own ideas about intimacy -- as well as my partner’s, MrDream, from whom I’ve learned so much. I frequently cite Barkas when I talk about hypnosis because I feel the underlying ideas they have about rope bondage are extremely applicable to all kink and intimacy -- and I will continue that trend here.
Barkas recently published an excellent essay looking in detail at the concept of intimacy itself. They posit that our first thought of intimacy is usually about a kind of comfort-seeking and familiarity. That’s contained within the etymology of the word, and socially it’s what many of us think of when we define our relationships as “intimate”: settling in to engage with a partner who we love, know, and understand.
But, Barkas asks, what if we place this word into a different context? They talk of how in scientific endeavors, the goal of “becoming familiar with” is unpredictability and discovering things that are surprising and unexpected. This perhaps offers a different view of intimacy: intimacy where you do not engage with your partner as though you know everything about them; intimacy where being surprised by them and learning something new is the goal.
My partner MrDream teaches about this often in hypnosis education: approaching a partner with genuine curiosity and interest -- “curiosity” implying that you don’t know what to expect, with a positive connotation. There is a kind of delicate balance between being able to anticipate some aspects of what is going to happen hypnotically -- to have a general grasp on psychology and hypnosis theory -- versus holding tight to a philosophy that neither you nor the hypnotic subject really knows how they are going to respond. The unexpected is not to be feared, but celebrated and held as core to our practice. Hypnotic “subjects” (those being hypnotized) who can relax their expectations will often have more intense experiences.
Thus we come to the first time in this essay where I mention Milton Erickson, my favorite forefather of modern hypnosis. Erickson was a hypnotherapist active through the 1900s and is famous (among many things) for presenting a model of hypnosis that wasn’t necessarily an authoritative action done to a person, but a collaborative and guiding action done with a person.
In his book “Hypnotic Realities,” he talks about how his view of clinical hypnosis is defined by how the therapist is able to observe each individual client and directly use those observations to continually develop a unique hypnotic approach with them. The client’s history, interests, and modes of thinking are utilized for the trance, as well as any observable responses they have in the moment. For example, a client with chronic pain may have the frustration they express over that pain incorporated into the trance. This is in deep contrast to hypnosis where the therapist comes in with any kind of “script” or formula to recite ahead of time.
It’s important to Erickson’s model that the therapist doesn’t know exactly what to anticipate, and it’s also important hypnotically that the same is true for the client. A common “Ericksonian” suggestion is, “You don’t have to know what is going to happen, and I don’t know either.” In order to develop the most effective approach with each patient, Erickson would enter into a session with some presumed knowledge, but ultimately learning -- not assuming -- how to best hypnotize each individual person.
We circle back to the phrase, “a relationship with Jewish text.” In my opinion, engaging with Torah is exactly this kind of intimacy. Torah is something we come into in order to poke and prod at it, to interact with it and to see how it interacts back at us. The teacher of my study group always cites a model where Torah itself is a participant in our partnered learning and group discussions. We ask it questions, we push its boundaries, we strive to glean something new and yet unseen. A line that may seem simple on the surface can reveal much more when we explore its context or put it into a different context entirely. 
This is easier for me to say as someone who is coming into learning Torah for the first time, but I am able to look ahead to when I will be fully familiar with the text and still be able to take this expanded definition of intimacy with it. Not coming to it without a sense of comfort, but still engaging with curiosity. MrDream teaches a model for hypnosis that is based on the idea of exploration -- exploring your partner no matter how long you have been with them. You are always coming to them as a different person, shaped by your ever-growing experiences and identity, and your partner changes as a human as well. I believe Torah is also dynamic in this way, as the context within which it exists -- and the way we interpret it -- is constantly shifting.
Ritual
I have been engaging with spiritual ritual on and off for as long as I’ve been learning hypnosis. The concept of magic has always been alluring to me -- not from a motivation to meet specific goals, but for something more difficult to pin down. I like that ritual, in an esoteric framework, is about looking at various metaphors between ingredients and actions; a candle representing an element of fire which may in turn represent intensity, or purity, or something else. Drawing meaningful connections between concepts like this is a skill I’ve developed in parallel with hypnosis, as well.
I was recently talking with a friend of mine who is also interested in esotericism -- we were sharing our frustrations with various books on magic and ritual. We wondered why so many sources would go on to teach prescriptivist formulas and associations, and not much else. Do this, and that will happen. This symbol represents that. My friend and I agreed that the ritual value of ingredients comes from how you personally assign meaning to them -- but why was everything always trying to teach us their meaning, as opposed to teaching us how to cultivate our own associations?
A week or so later, I happened to go to an excellent class that explored whether or not there was a place for smudging and smoke use in modern Jewish ritual. The teacher first took a careful, measured approach towards looking at indigenous smudging practices and the concept of appropriation. What followed was 30 minutes of history and text exploring examples of smoke in early Judaism, and then 30 minutes of a handful of interpretations of what “smoke” could mean and represent with relation to Jewish ideas -- directly practical to modern ritual. It was utterly excellent and immediately profound for me, as someone who has been yearning to blend my experience with esoteric ritual with my relationship with Judaism.
Observant readers will note that through this essay I speak passively about Judaism -- I am a patrilineal Jew, which for better or worse means that it is not a simple matter to say, “I am ‘fully’ (or ‘not’) Jewish.” (I am in the beginnings of working with a Conservative rabbi -- who affirms that I’m Jewish -- to make my status halachic [lawful], which is deeply exciting.) Opinions on that aside, a relevant piece of information is that the Jewish holiday we celebrated most consistently when I was growing up was Chanukah. While a lot of Jewish practice has been something I’ve been striving towards as an adult, Chanukah has always been “mine.” It was fast approaching after this class, and I felt motivated to use my newfound knowledge to make more ritual out of lighting the candles.
I was deeply surprised when all I did was light a stick of incense before saying the blessings over lighting the menorah, and my experience transformed into something intense. I smelled the incense and couldn’t help but think about what I’d learned about the Rambam’s commentary that incense in the time of the Temple was about making the Temple smell sweet to pray in after the burning of sacrifices. I thought about what I’d learned about the presence of God being smoke and clouds to the ancient Israelites. I thought about things I’d learned from other places -- hiddur mitzvah (the value of beautifying a practice), and a midrash (parable) about God loving the light and rituals we do in a very personal way simply because they are from us.
Esoteric ritual has often felt to me like exerting effort in making the associations of ingredients work for me. But this was effortless. I was doing something that was entirely my own, solidly founded by the broad and deep study I’d done, by my personal relationship with the concepts, by my identity.
In other words, the power behind this ritual came from knowledge, and the knowledge came from my intimacy with it. And that intimacy was not just with the study I had done -- it was also the process of being surprised in real time by what I was learning through the ritual itself.
Hypnosis gains “power,” in so much as we let ourselves use the term, through these same acts of intimacy towards knowledge. It operates directly based on various ingredients: how much we know about hypnosis theory itself, general psychology, the person we are working with, and ourselves. Hypnosis is a ritual -- it is setting aside special time to do something with a collection of ingredients that you have personal associated meanings with. If you can’t connect to those deeply enough, it won’t reach its full potency.
Knowledge, Perception, and Unconsciousness
One of my favorite concepts to teach in hypnosis is, “A change in perception equates to a change in reality.” This is derived from Erickson by MrDream, and it’s something he and I have had a lot of conversations about to refine. The implication of this is not something as trite as hypnosis having the power to change a person’s perceived reality. It is the concept that if you look at something from a different perspective, you gain various different capabilities.
For example, when you are feeling stuck in a situation and you think about what a close friend of yours would do if they were in your shoes, you gain the capability to see more options, to change your actual view of the reality of the problem and therefore change your actions towards it. In hypnosis, this could be the difference between simply telling someone to relax their legs versus another perspective of telling them to imagine what it would be like if their legs just started relaxing. It could be the idea that when a person does feel relaxation from a simple suggestion, their perception changes on what is happening -- they build more belief in hypnosis, and that belief in turn makes the next suggestions easier to buy into.
Erickson’s model of hypnosis is predicated on the idea that hypnosis itself matters, that hypnosis is a time within which someone’s reality changes. In his ideal hypnotic context, the subject feels like they no longer can expect things to behave as they usually do in their “waking” reality. They are thus opened to many different kinds of new experiences and capabilities. To Erickson, perception matters -- by itself, it’s a primary driving force behind literal change and response.
This ties back to our idea of intimacy -- just as I aim to approach my partners with this profound curiosity, just as I aim to approach Torah, I want to have this intimacy of the unexpected with trance itself. I want to allow myself to be surprised by hypnosis, by the things I don’t yet know about it even after more than a decade and thousands of hours of trance. But more than this, in an Ericksonian sense, simply changing my perspective to this motivation is one of the things that lets me get there.
I went through a guided study class about Shabbat (Judaism’s weekly sabbath of rest) with a partner, and so much of the class was in the abstract that it at times felt difficult for me to latch onto. We were learning all of this background context about a view of Shabbat where instead of spiritually striving and reaching on that day, you come in acting as though your spiritual work -- like your other work -- is “finished.”
In one session, we spent a chunk of time parsing through how we could interpret that as actionable. It felt like it just wasn’t clicking for me -- the midrashic texts weren’t offering enough for me to feel like I could make judgments on questions like, “Does this imply I shouldn’t meditate on Shabbat in this context?”
It wasn’t until I slept on it that I found a very simple piece of the puzzle: putting aside the questions of concrete actions, in an Ericksonian sense, the internal act of shifting my perspective would absolutely change the way I behaved and interacted with the day. It would become more indirect and unconscious -- instead of carefully analyzing my actions as I might with other Shabbat prohibitions on work, I could simply let myself act in ways that fit that perspective of “spiritually resting.”
The abstraction of the class made more sense -- perhaps it wasn’t trying to give us direct answers, but rather create a psychological environment for us that was well-suited to this more unconscious processing. Or rather, in addition to the sort of typical conscious halachic interpretation. If I allow myself an opinion here, I’d say that I care about halacha as actionable, but as always, I tend to care more about feelings and what’s internal.
This also lent credence to ways this class and the class on smoke and ritual changed my experiences. I was not given a set of actions to take, but rather a variety of perspectives that unconsciously made me think and behave differently. The concept of “knowledge is power” is both true and alluring in many different contexts, and yet had often fallen through for me in most ritualistic frameworks. The way that it succeeds, I believe, is when you develop a relationship with knowledge that actually changes your internal perspective and perceptions.
Limitation
With this we return to the concept of models and interpretations. It is serendipitous to be going through these experiences at a time where I am avidly working on my next book -- the thesis of which is that in order for us to progress as hypnotists, we must get comfortable moving fluidly between many differing definitions and frameworks (models) of what hypnosis is and how it works.
It is as the Ericksonian principle would say: If you take a perspective on hypnosis that boils down to “hypnosis is about relaxing the conscious mind,” you will do hypnosis according to that perspective. You will use relaxation-based techniques and make an effort to get someone to think “less consciously.” If you instead take a perspective that is “hypnosis operates based on activation of the conscious mind,” you may do hypnosis that causes someone to think and process in a more stimulating way.
Both and neither are true, and they can coexist. I believe that most models can be useful -- some more useful than others. But the best thing you can do is to not assume that one model is the most correct one -- instead, it is to develop the capacity to work within many at once even while being aware of their boundaries.
Jewish text, in my experience, provides models -- perspectives that themselves give guidance on how to understand things and act. I think especially about midrash and stories that are explicitly intended to fill in the gaps or give an alternate view on something. The question of, “Is there one correct way to do/see things” is more complicated here, but there are areas -- especially in those subtle shifts of mindset for ritual or interpreting text -- where the answer is still “no.”
My time so far in Jewish study supports this in a different way. There is a human element of collaboration and challenge. Learning as we do with a chevruta (study partner) adds another person to the relationship -- it is no longer just between you and the text. There is another human who you are building something with, and it is “intimate” according to our exploratory definition in an even clearer way.
The purpose of a “scene” inside of kink (a “session” of kink play) is to operate in a semi-limited framework -- limitations exist on who is involved, where it begins and ends, how partners communicate, and what themes/topics/activities are involved. These limitations -- though they may be quite broad -- are partially what allow for intense experiences. A scene needs to exist in a different “space” than our daily lives, and it needs to operate by different rules and involve different ingredients. Here, we also see overlaps with the definition of a “ritual.”
This doesn’t just facilitate intensity (and safety) -- it facilitates learning something new about your partner. By taking your relationship and putting it into a limited context, it allows you to observe it in a more careful way, where novel changes can be more obvious.
Studying with a chevruta is much like this. I have had study sessions where my chevruta and I are meeting for the first time and the only thing we are aware of sharing is our desire to dive into a piece of text. I’ve also had chevrutas where we know each other outside of study, and some of our time is schmoozing and catching up. But in all cases, we are limited in scope, and that limitation creates ease of access towards the common goal of expanding our knowledge and relationship with the text. We are focused; we are motivated. We are creating something that we can only create through who we are as individuals and what we are doing as avid learners.
This has surprised me at times with its tenderness and intensity. Building well-founded interpretations with someone is in and of itself very intimate -- not sensually, but humanly. It has given me something I have always wanted -- an intimacy that is pervasive not just in application of knowledge, but in the development of it. A feeling of sacredness and joy from being able to see so many different perspectives.
I long for this connection, this alchemy. Yes, all models are limited. But within those tight, restricting limits is the potential energy of creation.
“And I Must Learn”
There is an infamous story in the Talmud, in Berakhot 62a, where Rav Kahana hides under the bed of his friend Rav Abba. Rav Kahana hears Abba and his wife giggling and starting to have sex, and remarks out loud that Rav Abba is acting like someone who is famished. Rav Abba, mid-sex, understandably says, “Kahana, why the fuck are you under my bed listening to me fuck my wife?” Rav Kahana replies, “It is Torah, and I must learn.”
There was a version of this essay that began with this tale. I am enamored with the vast overlaps I can derive from its briefness: that intimacy can be studied sacredly both as a general concept and specifically with your partner; that we are obligated to learn ourselves, our partners, and general human desire; that there can be a thread of wholeness in every action of your life if you give every action sacred attention.
Even this, though, is a limited-context interpretation. The rabbis of the Talmud were certainly not sex-positive, especially not as we currently use the term. The surrounding triptych of conversations is similarly humorous but seems to comparatively describe sex as dirty or gross, and this bit of text cannot really exist separately from all of the places where there is halacha derived about sex that is about controlling women’s bodies or preventing queer and trans people from being able to live authentically.
But -- we are allowed to interpret like this. We are allowed to play with context and see what we discover.
For me, this is about finding the connections between my actions and my interests; parts of me that synthesize the whole. It is about developing intimacy with Torah, with my learning partners, with my romantic partners; with the people within the writings, with the authors, and with the readers.
Reading Torah is the same as hypnotizing someone is the same being intimate with someone is the same as doing a ritual. All things on a broad enough scale overlap this closely. There is value in this “zooming out” to a wide enough context to see the connections that exist -- just as there is value in celebrating the limitations that arise, models nestled alongside each other, when you “zoom in.”
We need both to be able to treat our learning -- all forms of it -- as something special.
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funnier-as-a-system · 22 days
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Hiii. Not sure if this even counts as a question to be fair, nor is this a funny suggestion, but like.
For my final project in college I'm kind of making a game concept about plurality (as a system host myself) and uhm long story short I guess.
I made two characters-alters, one of which is female and the other is male, and the teacher who curates my project was like (super paraphrased) "I'm getting some romantic connotations here and I think we shouldn't show people that you can literally date yourself, cuz that seems super unhealthy" and he then backed down a bit and was like "well it's not really normal so maybe think about that some more".
And so like. The concept I'm making is based on the complicated relationship between me and my co-host. I am heavily basing the characters on me and that co-host, I am heavily using the issues we had in our relationship, to hopefully be able to show people who are new to plurality that you shouldn't treat your alters the way me and my co-host treated each other before, because THAT is what was unhealthy.
All of which is to say, right now I am married to that co-host and I'm very happy about that, but my teacher's words quite hurt me. Like I literally don't even understand what could be so unhealthy about in-system dating. How rare even is that? Is my perception of in-system dating just that skewed, since nearly all our alters are in a relationship with each other? Most importantly, am I faki-
(Also, by saying that, the teacher inadvertently recommended me to make it a gay ship. Lol? I wish I could make one of the characters an enby like me and avoid the issue entirely, but I can't) (My husband The Co-Host said that the teacher is just rude)
There's nothing inherently unhealthy about intrasystem dating. I've found most people who claim it's "unhealthy" actually mean "I find it weird and I can't distinguish between my personal discomfort and something that's actually bad." – a frustrating argument, but one we're familiar with, and one that should largely be ignored unless you're looking to engage in an educational discussion with someone who holds this view. Others claim it is unhealthy because it "encourages division/dissociation between headmates", but this is largely based on the idea that headmates having any sort of personal identity or self-identification gets in the way of achieving final fusion, which has its own flaws as an argument, including final fusion not being the goal or healthiest option for all systems, as well as ignoring that [harmful] dissociation may increase if a headmate does not have any sort of personal identity to distinguish themselves from the rest of their system with. In short, the arguments against intrasystem dating tend to boil down to "I think this is bad for you because it doesn't fit into what I think people should do", which only shows one's own close-mindedness.
Since plurality is an unfamiliar concept to most people, they don't have the experience necessary to distinguish between genuine red flags and something niche that just takes time to get used to the idea of. Intrasystem dating is niche, but it's no more inherently unhealthy than other kinds of niche dating, like t4t partnerships. The same argument has been used against polyamorous relationships for being similarly uncommon and going against what people expect of relationships (particularly romantic ones), but those are not inherently unhealthy either; it goes to show that people will reuse the same arguments against any kind of relationship they do not approve of, rather than taking a step back and considering for themselves if a particular relationship dynamic is inherently unhealthy. While intrasystem dating can be unhealthy, it is not inherently so just due to the relationship dynamic.
When backing down, your teacher said intrasystem dating is "not really normal", and that truly is the crux of this argument. People do not like that which does not fall neatly into their understandings of "normal", and think anything that isn't normal is automatically bad. This is untrue. I would say to hold strong to your original vision for your project, not just for yourself/ves, but because refusing to fall in line and pretend to be "normal" is how we achieve progress. Even if your teacher doesn't change his mind, your work may introduce the concept to someone else, making it less unfamiliar (more familiar) and more normal to them, leading to more people understanding and accepting not just systems in general, but intrasystem dating specifically.
Speaking of, to answer your question, while intrasystem dating is uncommon, I don't believe it's especially rare – I could name several of our headmates right now who are in a polyamorous partnership with each other, as well as a handful of other couples. We've known many other systems who have had some or all headmates dating each other. It's not the most common topic to talk about in the community, but it is certainly a topic frequent enough to be brought up from time to time.
Your teacher was rude and incorrect. I have sympathy for the hurt you feel because of his pluralphobic words, and I hope you're able to feel better about this incident soon. Remember, staying true to yourself will almost always feel better than hiding who you are for the comfort of others, so if you feel safe enough to go for it, push onward and continue your work with all its authenticity and intrasystem dating included. I wish you luck in your game development and your final project!
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animehideout · 2 months
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hiii!love your writings so much! And MBTI content is just *chef's kiss* :D I was wondering,what do you think Toji's relationship would be with an INTJ? as he wasn't included in that part.I hope this is ok to ask! Thank you :3 (and happy New Year ^^)
TOJI FUSHIGURO X INTJ
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a/n : Heyy fellow INTJ @steppenwolfofslytherinhouse I hope you're doing great. Thank you for this request and I apologize for this very late update🥹. I hope really you like this one 🤍✨
Note: I promise I'm working on your requests, sorry for taking too long but life is kinda hectic and I'm struggling to find motivation. I appreciate your patience ♡⁠˖
Attracted to each other:
You initially started off as allies. Toji would be drawn to your sharp personality and you’d find his self-confidence that has no limits very attractive and appealing. Both of you have a shared intellect, highly relying on the power of mind and intuition, that would make things work easier that way, especially if you’re paired together to get work done. When engaging in debates, challenges and insightful conversations, a spark would ignite between both of you, realizing that you’re attracted to each other in a romantic way not just platonic. INTJs and Toji are highly compatible, almost in every aspect. You’re both determined, brave and independent. Despite being lone wolves, when you found each other you started feeling less lonely, finding comfort in each other’s company even though none of you dares to admit it. Funny how both INTJs and Toji are straightforward and honest individuals, but would never admit their feelings. You might view feelings as a weakness at first, afraid that it may restrict you, given that INTJs appreciate independence and freedom, but you grew to realize that you have the same way of thinking and you’re willing to give each other your needed space, so things would definitely work out between you. You show your interest in each other through challenges, constantly competing against each other. Teasing  and wittiness are your kind of romance, both of you having a smirk on your lips. You always know what to say though, you never offend or bring each other down. You know when and where to stop. INTJs may be seen as complex individuals, exposed to misunderstanding and judgment, however with Toji you’d feel completely understood, even on deep levels. The more you get closer to each other, the more Toji gets you, effortlessly reading you like an open book even though you’re mysterious and secretive. And vice versa. Both INTJs and Toji are good at reading the atmosphere and analyzing other’s body language or hidden meaning behind simple words.  You have a strong connection that rooted from your uniqueness. You and Toji would feel more attracted and draw to each other every time you dive more into each other’s details, your romance blossoms as you explore the intricacies of each other’s minds and hearts. It’s like a journey of discovery, navigating the complexities and mysteriousness that you both carry.
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traumacatholic · 5 months
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Finally kind of feel in a position where I can post this. I realise that my last post and long disappearance was probably of great concern to some people, and I am deeply sorry for any worry or pain that I've caused other people with that long disappearance. There was a lot going on in my life, including moving house. And I think the longer I took a break from Tumblr, the more daunting it came to come back. But the fact of the matter is, I've cried over this blog a lot. Or rather, I've cried over the followers of this blog and the people that have engaged with it. I have been dealing with a great sense of guilt. Guilt that I've let you guys down. Guilt that I've betrayed you in some way.
Something that always pained me, was the reality of my own struggle to access mental health support. It's an unfortunate reality, that no matter how many times we might work to raise awareness, and tackle stigma surrounding mental health (particularly complex mental health issues like OCD or PTSD or Schizophrenia, etc). That this doesn't do much to tackle the core issue that's the main struggle for people: accessible healthcare. Be that to do with any financial costs or lengthy waiting lists or other issues. There was a sense of deep guilt of encouraging people to seek help, whilst also being fully aware that they might be even more disheartened if they reached out for help and were unable to get anything substantial. I would never want to build someone's hopes up in order to then shatter them. I've experienced it all too much with trying to access support on my own.
I also felt really guilty running this blog when I was struggling with Church attendance. It felt like I was lying about my piety, to people that were desperately trying to fight to be able to attend their Church and to be a part of Church life. I'm in a city now, and I've started attending Church regularly. I've been trying to get into the practice of daily prayer, and the daily readings of theological texts alongside Scripture. Some days are better than others, but then I guess that's always going to be the case. Something that was really deeply meaningful to me during RCIA was being told that conversion to the faith wasn't a one and done thing. Each day, we are constantly converting back. We are constantly returning to God and being renewed in our relationship with God, no matter how far we stumble or what kind of problems we stumble into - willing and unwillingly.
And this is where it gets, I guess, the scariest. I've been dealing a lot with anxieties and doubts surrounding my faith. Not in the, "Hey guys sorry I've taken a break and became atheist" kind of way. But I've been feeling a strong pull towards Orthodox Christianity. And the Church I've been attending, has been an Orthodox one. I don't know. It feels weird to type that one out. It felt so weird to call myself Catholic for a long time. And then I became so happy of the title, and I loved the faith. I still do, love Catholicism. But I think this is something I need to explore. I've been feeling the draw to Orthodoxy for a long time, and I always kept pushing it away. But I think the only real way I can really address it, is by actually giving it a fair chance and exploration.
I don't know what I'll do with this blog. I don't intend to delete it - I think there are still people that can find help and comfort from the prayers that I've posted. I do have a new Tumblr, where I post excerpts from Orthodox texts I've been reading. I do still feel really strongly about helping people struggling with mental and physical health issues, trauma survivors etc. I care intensely about that work. And it's why this post pains me so much. I still want to be able to give you guys help, you can always send a message over to my new blog @orthodoxadventure if you're in need of any prayers or advice surrounding mental health/trauma etc (also despite the circumstances, I did go through RCIA, and if anyone has any questions surrounding it, I'll try my best to answer) , and I think I'm going to make it a habit to check the blog here.
I'm deeply sorry to anyone that I've hurt by doing this. I would really appreciate your prayers. None of this is, particularly easy. I feel like I've let down and hurt so many people. But I also knew that the more I tried to resist the interest of Orthodoxy, the more I felt that I was letting myself down and letting my relationship with God down. Maybe in some time, I will return to Catholicism, much more content and happy and more knowledgeable in that choice. Maybe I will go further down the path to the Orthodox Church. But I knew I couldn't just feel like I was sitting on the fence any longer. I hope that you will be able to forgive me for this, and I intend to keep you all in my prayers.
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dingochef · 2 months
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Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x You (OFC)
Warnings: Swearing, Smut (MDNI 18+ Only), Stalking, P in V, oral (female and male receiving), Semi-public sex, light spanking, light bondage, blindfolds, shitty parents, nightmares, arguing
Summary: You and Jake work through the details that make marriage work and deal with a few bumps in the road. News from your Dad doesn't help.
Word Count: 5.0k
Masterlist
Series Masterlist
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
A Rose By Any Other Name
You're walking home, (and still in constant awe and adoration of your engagement ring) from the ferry terminal towards your house. When your phone rings, the display showing "Dad". You keep walking and answer the call.
"Elsa, Congratulations on your engagement," your dad practically shouts on the phone.
"Thank you, Dad," you reply cautiously, "Is Mom there?"
"No, she isn't."
You're not sure how to continue the conversation, so you go with the 'running away' tactic.
"Well, I'm almost home, so anything else you want to talk about?" you ask, hoping he says no. The awkwardness palpable even from 2,000 miles away.
Your Dad takes a deep breath,
"Yeah, Elsa, I have a few things to talk about with you, if you want to."
You reach the front porch of your house and sit down on it.
"Umm, yeah, I'm listening."
"I've been doing a lot of thinking about what happened at Christmas. I heard everything; I apologize for being a coward and staying in the kitchen."
You give a small hum of assurance that you're listening. He continues,
"I'm so sorry that I failed you for so long. I know now I should have done more to balance out your mom. It's not an excuse, it's a regret."
He pauses and takes another breath, "I was checked out, should have been there more."
"Dad, what's done is done. This is feeling a little like Cat's in the Cradle," you answer, finally having something to say.
He laughs,
"There's that wicked sense of humor," he pauses, "I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you and what you've become."
"It's good to hear you say it, Dad, but all our family dysfunction isn't going to be solved in one day."
"I get that, Elsa, I really do. But it's a starting point."
"There's something else I need to tell you, your mother and I are separating."
You croak out a very surprised, "What?"
"Christmas was a wake up call, that I haven't been happy in our relationship for a long time, but I stayed because it was comfortable and familiar."
Jake pokes his head out just as you say,
"It seems like a drastic step to separate, did you guys try couples therapy?"
Jake looks at you and mouths
"Who is that?" to you.
"My dad," you cover the phone and whisper back. Jake's eyes narrow and his brows furrow together. He goes to say something, but heads back into the house.
Your dad has taken his time in responding, he sighs,
"I invited her to go with me, I've been going on my own since Christmas, or find a new one, but she didn't want to go, or try."
Your dad's voice cracks on the word try. He is starting to cry and for the first time in a long time you wish you were in Michigan to give him a hug, this is the most vulnerable moment you've ever experienced with him.
Jake has reappeared and hands you a gin and tonic and squeezes your shoulder as he gives you space to talk.
Your dad draws in a deep breath to settle him and starts to talk again.
"My time left on earth is a diminishing resource,"
you interrupt him, "That's a little grim." He huffs out a soft laugh.
"I had the epiphany that I want to spend it with the people that make me happy, not just out of habit. A big part of it is how she never let go of the argument from Christmas. I won't be with someone who is driving away our children chasing the past. You kind of inspired this, by the way."
"That kind of sounds like I caused your separation when you say it that way," you try to joke.
He laughs on the other end, the tight band around your heart loosens a little.
"That's not what I mean exactly, just you've built this world of people who love you for just being you. Every time you've faced something that would decimate most people, you jumped back up and kept going to do what made you happy. Like you know that the love you share with Jake is worth fighting for, even if it means a fucked up relationship with your mother. I need to do what makes me happy and loved, and right now that's not being with her."
You laugh a bit darkly, trying to keep the tears at bay that threaten to spill,
"Dad, don't know if you didn't notice, my relationship with Mom has always been a bit fucked up."
"Yet another thing I ignored, I've missed so much, Elsa, I'm so sorry for that."
"It's okay Dad, you're at least self aware now, plus it's another thing you can add to your therapy list, you know in case you run out of stuff to talk about. Want to use every minute of that hour, get your money's worth."
"Did you just make a cheap dad joke about therapy?"
He's laughing and you can feel him lightening even over the phone.
"Yes, I did. You're the only person I've ever known to cut open the toothpaste tube to get that last little bit."
"Hey, it works. There's at least two more tooth brushings in there," he's at least joking a bit.
"Well, I'll let you go Elsa, you probably want to eat dinner with your fiance and not talk about an old man's laments. I want you to know how proud and amazed I am at what you've done with your life. I think Jake loves you deeply and he's good for you."
"It's really good to hear that," you pause,
"You might want to consider a trip out here, alone, actually get that visit in. I love you, Dad."
"I love you so much, Elsa."
"Bye."
You hang up the phone and hold the cold drink to your forehead as though the coolness could soothe your inner turmoil. When you go inside Jake is sitting on the couch, pretending to read a magazine. He chose his spot on the couch because he could keep watch over you outside on the porch. A wave of warmth rolls over you to know how protective and loving he is. He starts to get up and you motion for him to stay. Putting your drink on the coffee table, you flop down on the couch next to him. He waits patiently for you to talk and pulls you into his arms.
You break the silence,
"I didn't think I'd have to add 'Parents Getting Separated Likely Divorced' to my Matthews Family Dysfunction bingo card, but here we are."
Jake is visibly surprised,
"That's out of left field, you were talking to your Dad, right?"
"Yeah, he called to congratulate us on getting engaged and decided to let me know about them separating at the same time. You know for efficiency reasons, couldn't have those be two different phone calls," you snort thinking of the range of emotions in one phone call.
"So, they're separated. Any particular reason why?"
Jake is cautiously wading into the emotional quagmire.
"He said he's been doing a lot of thinking and therapy since Christmas, and realized he wasn't happy in their relationship and hadn't been for a long time."
"Wow, you'd think that he'd just run the last mile of the marathon and stay with her and not start over so late in life."
You laugh,
"I got the impression it was more of a 'I'll be damned if I'm going to run my last mile with you.'"
Jake at least rewards you with a light smirk.
"Part of it was my mom's insistence on holding onto the past, he said he wouldn't be with someone who would drive his kids away for something that could have been."
"So, how do you feel about this?"
He pulls you closer for a hug as he kisses the top of your head.
"Surprised and not at the same time, my parents have always been together but I don't know that I ever saw them in love with each other. I remember Dad as a little kid being really bright, laughing, and funny. Always smiling, that started to fade over time, I don't know if that was the toll of a strained relationship or if it was him kind of checking out trying to cope with it."
"I'm glad he's going to therapy, that's pretty smart of him," Jake offers.
"He said he has regrets from my childhood and how he let my mom dominate my life, so he's at least aware of that. He also said he is really happy for us and thinks you love me deeply and am good for me, which I'd have to agree."
You lean over to give him a peck on the cheek. Jake can tell you're still processing the conversation and will likely talk to him again about it.
"You ready for some dinner? I made a stir fry," he asks quietly.
"That sounds lovely," you stand up and wrap your arms around Jake's torso.
"I love you so much, Jake Seresin."
He replies,
"I love you very much, Elsa Matthews, soon to be Seresin."
You know you have to talk about some of the details of married life like keeping your last name, but you're emotionally spent for the day.
It turns out that conversation happens very soon on the next sunny Saturday afternoon. You and Jake have convened at the dining table to discuss “Life Stuff” as you called it. A file folder of your financial stuff, your laptop open to your financial tracking software, and Jake's tablet are laid out on the table. He keeps all his financial info electronic so that he can access it from anywhere the Navy sent him.
You start,
"So, I want to get married sooner than later, I don't want a really long engagement because we're trying to plan the 'perfect wedding.'"
"I agree, we'll have to see what's available for locations and work from there," Jake nods.
"Okay, that's good, that's probably a whole nother day of effort, but I thought we'd tackle the hard things first before picking wedding colors, you know the things that actually make marriages work."
Jake is smiling his panty dropper smile,
"God, I love it when you get all engineer on me, planning stuff, solving problems. It's kind of hot."
He smirks as he slides his hand up your thighs under your dress.
"Jake," you stop his hand and pull it off your leg,
"This is important stuff and you doing that is highly distracting and you're not going to get me all wet and bothered to discuss whether we do a prenup or combine bank accounts."
"Okay, I'll behave for now," he raises one eyebrow and gives you that smirk again.
"So, I came up with these things to discuss from my research. Not that this is the only time we'll talk about it."
You look down at your list,
"First, what debt do you have? I'll start, I have," you scroll through your accounts on the laptop,
"$367 on a credit card that is paid automatically each month from my checking account. You?"
He scrolls,
"Credit card only, $582. Also paid automatically each month."
"Okay, that was stupidly simple, by some stroke of luck, we have no student loans, car loans, mortgage, or a crippling gambling problem."
Jake laughs,
"You know this might be easier if we just swap the laptop and tablet with each other."
"Okay," you shuffle the tech around and scroll through Jake's accounts. Checking, savings, credit card, investment account, and what looks like a retirement account. All of which are healthy and reasonable.
You look over to Jake and he looks shocked,
"El, I didn't realize how loaded you are, maybe I should have made you pay for dinner more often."
You laugh,
"Most of my net worth is in this house, I've been maxing out my 401k and Roth IRAs since I started working. That's a lot of it, but also I don't really live an extravagant lifestyle as you've noticed. I drive an 8 year old Honda, probably the second most expensive thing I've bought in the last few years has been my bike. I've been putting the equivalent of a monthly payment for a house, since I don't have one, into a money market account since I bought this place. That's all because I really do earn good money at my job, six figures."
Jake has been nodding the whole time,
"So, level with me, what was your gross salary last year?" he asks.
"$150,000," you answer, waiting for Jake's response.
He has a pleased look on his face, none of the insecurity or jealousy you've seen from guys before,
"Nice, beats my $85k a year."
"It doesn't matter who makes more money, because I think it's our money when we get married which leads me to the next question. How do you want to manage money? Combine accounts or keep separate accounts?"
Jake answers,
"I think that combining is the way to go, it seems complicated and kind of petty to have to balance out every transaction to make things even. If it's one account, it's our money that we use for our lives. You?"
"I'm in favor of the combined account, pretty much for the same reasons. I see you're a member of a military credit union, so that might be the place to have our accounts. We can compare that stuff and choose the best one."
"Sounds good, what's the next question?"
"What purchases can we make individually and what ones do we need to consult each other on?"
"Obviously the big ones, houses, cars, anything that you might consider taking out a loan for. I'm not sure if there's a dollar amount that would trigger it, because spending $500 on a couch is different than spending $500 on shoes. Not that you're the type to do that," he looks at the ratty Chaco flip flops you're wearing.
"Hey, they still work. I'll get a new pair when they break. It's just my Midwestern soul and the ingrained thriftiness. I think it's context dependent too. I'm going to go with the 'when in doubt ask' policy."
"Agreed, what's next? This feels like a job interview almost."
"We should discuss if we want a prenup."
Jake starts,
"I think it would be wise to protect your assets, Elsa."
You scoff,
"It feels really cynical. Like we're expecting this not to work. The big thing is the house, it's in my name obviously, I was considering adding you to it, so you'd get if anything happened to me, or we can set up a trust that automatically transfers it to you. A trust might not be a bad idea if we plan on having kids. Hah, that's the next question."
You look at Jake and he seems a little overwhelmed,
"Are you okay over there?"
"Who knew getting married would be so complicated. El, I don't want the appearance of me marrying for your money. Your mother has already made me paranoid about not being enough."
"Jake, if you wanted a sugar momma, you could have reached way higher. There's plenty of rich old ladies on Coronado Beach looking for a young buck like you."
He relaxes and laughs a little,
"Who says I'm not playing the long game for when you'll be a rich old lady?"
It's your turn to laugh now,
"Jake, this is our house, I need to set up a will anyway and we can discuss options with a lawyer if you want."
Jake looks satisfied with that answer. He looks at the list of questions,
"So, kids, yes or no, and how many?" he asks.
"I do want a family, not giant, but at least two kids. All the only children I know are kind of weird. Seeing you with Ellie and Gigi made something click on in my uterus, because I was definitely filled with the urge to give you babies."
"I'm sure I could help you with that primal urge," he jokes,
"I'd like a family, but as I said before you get to make the ultimate decisions on all of that because it's your body and you'll bear the brunt of it."
"Fair, would we both work if we had kids? I don't really think I'd like to be a stay-at-home mom, I'd like to keep building my career."
"While in an ideal world you or I could take a multi year sabbatical and raise some kids, I'd expect that we'd both want to work, and I'm okay with hiring a nanny or daycare, are you?"
"Yeah, I am. I was a daycare kid as my mom was a teacher. I went during the school year and I think there's some good to it, the socialization. It just depends on finding the solution that feels right."
"Alright, hit me, what's next?" Jake asks, rolling his shoulders.
“How do you feel about me keeping my last name? You've casually mentioned me changing my name."
Jake thinks for a moment,
"I just assumed you would, you know tradition and what not, why wouldn't you?"
"My whole professional life is under Matthews, my patents, licenses, and journal articles. All under Matthews, keeping that consistent is important to my professional reputation. Plus, it always felt a little patronizing and demeaning to me. It feels like a relic from the past when women were just traded around by fathers to husbands like property."
Jake's face twists into a disagreeable expression, his mouth pulled tight.
"I guess, I've always thought of it being a unifying thing, like 'Team Seresin'. Not you submitting to me like property."
He looks worried as he continues to speak,
"Do you not want to be Mrs. Lieutenant Seresin? Were you going to change it for Liam?"
"No, I wasn't and that's not what I'm saying, it's just arbitrary that it has to be the woman who changes her name, do you want to be Mr. Dr. Matthews?"
He shakes his head,
"Why would I change my name? It's not what people do."
"Jake, just because it's been done that way for a long time, doesn't mean we have to do it. We can be committed to each other without the same last name."
You sigh a little louder than you should.
"I just thought that it would be something that brings us together, being the Seresins, a family unit. What if we have kids, what is their last name going to be?" he asks and clenches his jaw waiting for the answer.
"I'm more than fine with them having Seresin as a last name. I wouldn't want to burden a kid with a hyphenated last name."
"You could hyphenate, what about being Elsa Seresin-Matthews?"
Jake raises his eyebrows like he's found the magic solution.
"That's a giant pain in the ass and you know it." you huff, feeling your cheeks heat up. Jake's eyebrows drop and furrow together as he considers what he's going to say next.
"Elsa," you're surprised he's using your full name and not just El,
"I can understand why you wouldn't want to change your name, but it just feels like you're bucking tradition just to do it."
"That's what you got from this discussion? I'm just being contrary for the fun of it? Please stop saying it's tradition, because sometimes tradition is a word for the stupid way we've always done things."
You wince internally at the last part, momentarily forgetting how much of Jake's life is ruled by tradition and the Navy.
Jake's mouth stretches into a thin flat line, his anger telegraphing across the room.
You and Jake are now staring each other down, obviously both angry. You're about ready to leap in for another round like the hot headed idiot you can be when Jake holds up his hands in a surrender motion.
"Let's hold up a second. You've said your piece and I've said mine. I think we need to cool off and separate for a bit before we make this nasty. I know how I can be a righteous asshole when I'm pissed off and I don't want to go there."
You take a deep breath,
"Fine, I'm going to go for a bike ride, might as well use this energy for something."
Jake nods curtly, acknowledging you.
You change into your workout gear and head out on your bicycle. As you round the corner of the block, your phone dings with a message from Jake,
"Went for a run."
You snort that he's also expending angry energy in a physical way. Your conversation plays over and over in your head. Changing your name, beyond the professional reasons, just always felt off. Like you know intrinsically that you're Elsa S. Matthews, PE, PhD. The way Jake didn't really get the professional reasons why keeping your name the same was probably what hurt the most. He knows how important your career is to you. Changing names and not having that continuous professional history could undermine your career. Just another piece of bullshit female professionals have to deal with. Another mile and your white hot rage dims and your brain fixates on the rhythm of "Elsa S. Matthews". The syllables syncing up over and over in time with your legs pushing down the pedals as you try to burn this frantic electric energy.
You stop to look out over the bay and it occurs to you that there is a compromise here, the S standing for Samantha, a name you don't care about. You weren't named for anyone, your mom said she read it in a novel when she was pregnant and liked it. How easy would it be to change your middle name to Seresin? Elsa Seresin Matthews. You can keep your professional name the same, Elsa S. Matthews. That feels right to you, like the joining of names not obliterating one for the other or tacking on a clunky name at the end of a full name.
Your ride home is quick and you fall into the same rhythm as before except to Elsa Seresin Matthews. Desperate to find Jake and resolve this, you pick up your pace.
Arriving home and you put your bike away as fast as you can, desperate to see Jake. You walk in through the back door just as Jake walks in through the front door shirtless, sweaty, and wearing rather skimpy running shorts. His golden treasure trail just peeking out of the waistband. Your brain automatically wants you to wrap your legs around his waist and fuck him as soon as possible, but you know you and Jake need to talk.
You meet in the middle of the living room and start talking at the same time,
"El, I didn't–
"Jake, I was being–"
He cock his head when you laugh.
"This feels like a rom com where the characters fight over something to add a conflict to the plot. Like we both just enter the house at the same time and start talking over each other."
He cracks a smile and starts to talk, "El, I didn't think through all the professional implications of changing your name. I can see how that would upset you, given how hard you've worked and how much your career means to you. I was wrong to diminish that."
You swear you see a light bulb go on above Jake's head. Like he unlocked the Rosetta Stone, and figured out what bothered you most.
"Did anyone ever tell you you're a smart one?" you tell him. He smiles and shakes his head.
"You're right that's why I got upset. I don't fault you for assuming that I'd change my name, a lot of women do. I also can see how it looks like I'm rejecting your name and in a way you."
Jake looks away for a second.
"It stung, and I fixated on us having the same last name as something critical to being married, when it's not."
He takes your hands in his,
"Us being married and committed to each other whatever our names are is the important part."
"I have a proposition," he raises his eyebrow and takes a step toward you. You laugh at him as you stop him with your hands on his chest, his hands landing on your wrists,
"Not that kind of one, yet. Keeping my name as Elsa S. Matthews is important for me, but the S stands for Samantha. A name I have no affinity for, my mom got it from a trashy romance novel. I want to change my middle name to Seresin. A name that means a lot to me and to you. What do you think?"
The panty dropper smile blooms wide and open on his face,
"You're calling me smart, but you are the smart one. I would be very touched if you took my name as your middle name. I was at peace, okay, a grumbly peace," he slightly rolls his eyes, "With you keeping your name, but I really like this idea. Elsa Seresin Matthews, sounds good."
You lean up to kiss him,
"I'm glad. And we just had an honest to goodness fight, didn't we? I think we came through it all right, good communication skills, go us."
You wave a tiny pretend flag with your hand in celebration.
Jake pulls you close to him, and whispers in your ear, his voice low,
"Know what the best part of a fight is?"
A shiver rolls along your spine as Jake drops a light kiss just under your ear. His hands sliding down your back to grab your ass and pull you close to him.
You stutter a little as you answer,
"N-no, what's the best part?"
He smirks into your neck, stopping his efforts to give you a hickey he replies,
"The make-up sex."
A wave of arousal flushes down your body as you gaze into Jake's eyes, the green blown out by his pupils wide with desire. His hands slide from your ass to under your thighs. He lifts you up with ease and your legs finally wrap around his waist. You kiss him like you're both running out of oxygen and you're trying to steal it from each other's lungs. He backs you up to the nearest wall and pins you up against the wall, his legs supporting you and your hands around his neck. You are grinding at each other desperate for some friction. You whine because you're wearing padded bike shorts, and you can't feel Jake like you need to.
"Need more,” you pant against his lips,
“Need you,” he also pants against your neck, where his head had slipped down.
He unzips your bike jersey to get more of your skin against his, and he huffs,
"Stupid sports bra.”
"Put me down for a second."
He lets you down gently and you peel your clothing off as fast as you can. Jake has the same idea and pulls his running shorts and underwear off in one smooth motion. As soon as he can he pulls you back up to him, moaning at the contact of skin on skin. He steadies you against the wall again, your legs wrapping around his waist on instinct.
"I didn't think you'd be able to rip through my bike shorts like you did my underwear," you gasp out as Jake enters you. Jake's only answer is a string of curse words and sex babble, "Fuck, god you feel so good, El. Love you so much."
“Love you so much, Jake.”
He starts a fast rhythm, your mutual need to be close and chase your highs spurring him on. The feeling of being completely surrounded by Jake and his hard wall of muscle, his scent, and the feeling of your sweat mixing as you slide against each other is amazingly overwhelming. Your brain is reduced to one thought as he pounds into you,
“Jake. Jake. Jake.”
Jake lifts you a little higher, grips your thighs a bit harder, and you are seeing stars as his cock hits the deepest spots in you.
"Love you, oh fuck, right there, so good. Don't stop," you plead with him.
The pleasure is overwhelming with each thrust, the room is filled with only your heavy breathing, moans, and the obscene sound of fucking and skin slapping on skin for the next few minutes.
"Touch yourself, El, make yourself come, so beautiful when you come on my cock,” Jake grits out as he grips your thighs and ass harder. You comply, and snake your hand down and start rubbing your clit frantically, trying to match the pace. You look Jake in the eyes and start talking,
"I wanted to wrap my legs around you the second I saw you come through the door, half naked, sweaty, and my god, your chest. Want to fuck you all the time."
Jake's reaction is to pound harder and faster, erasing your ability to form coherent sentences.
“Fuck, El. I want you all the fucking time. I can't believe this pussy is all mine.”
"Fuck, I'm so close, Jake, so close. Come with me, please."
Your climax slams through you like a car hitting a brick wall. Your eyes close involuntarily, and you can see stars dance across your eyelids.
“Fuck, El. Milking me so good, so fucking tight,” Jake grits out as comes, right on the heels of your orgasm. His hot come filling you up as you spasm around him on each wave of residual pleasure. Somehow Jake holds you up through the aftershocks, his head on your shoulder as you catch your breath. He kisses you sweetly on the lips, and says,
"I'm going to put you down now, you good to stand?"
You just nod and hum as he pulls out and sets you down. You wrap your arms around his torso to lay your head on his chest, only to realize how sweaty it is. I pull my face back and suggest,
"I think it's time for a shower, we both are sweaty and reek of sex."
"Excellent idea." He responds, and you can see from the look on Jake's face that he has more thoughts for later.
Chapter 20
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muzzleroars · 3 months
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I'm sorry if this has been already asked but what's V2's relationship/dynamic with V1?
Also, whats V2's reaction to V1's ascension/being risen?
eventually it's 100% an evil sibling dynamic, but it takes quite some time for v2 and v1 to understand each other. v2's resistance is obvious, it's been left bitter by their prior encounters and, at a fundamental level, it believes v1 is far more like the other machines than it is...and it's right. v2 was trained extensively on human learning/behavioral models, it thinks in a very different way despite v1 also being highly sophisticated and sharing the same hardware for its mind. v2 saw v1 as a pure war machine, one so perfect for its purpose that it couldn't find a place in the new peace (ask it, it knows). essentially, it doesn't really believe v1 is capable of bonding, is capable of connection, and it believes, for some time, gabriel has projected his own feelings on it. however, v2 has very few options for social relationships in hell, something it needs given its development, and gabriel is about the only choice it has. it pointedly avoids v1 when visiting, not really trying to change gabriel's mind but also not listening when he insists how v1's grown by leaps and bounds. it isn't until v1 makes the effort, that v1 tries interacting with it in non-violent ways, that it begins to reconsider. it's easy to push it away at first, but v1 keeps coming back, even going so far as to not engage it when v2 instigates in exasperation...and it doesn't know WHAT to think. when it signs out to it that gabriel said it should try, that gabriel told it v2 is the only family it has left (and he's very insistent. it would make him happy, it tells v2). when it sees something deeper in v1, that it isn't just a perfect, mindless murderer, it begins to let its guard down little by little around it.
when they grow more comfortable with each other, v2 STILL thinks v1 is more than a little unhinged from its corrupted software and v1 thinks v2 is more than a little strange, trying to act like people, but it becomes much more pestering/teasing each other. this. looks a little different in what's essentially two tiny war machines, but gabriel quickly learns a vast majority of what they do is now "play" fighting, despite the damage it causes to the surrounding area. however, i do think they learn A LOT from each other in very good ways - v1 sees v2 modeling behaviors in a way it understands much better and it helps it be gentle with gabriel, while v1 teaches v2 that it's okay to let go of that, that it is a machine and can act like one when it wants to. they would never admit they're copying each other, but gabriel finds it incredibly endearing that they make all these little connections because no one else left in the world could understand each other the way they do in many ways. i even...like the idea that v1 gives the knuckleblaster back, so long as v2 helps it make a new one (v2 is much more gifted in crafting than v1...and it's more v1 helping v2 make it.....with the help very unhelpful at times.....) in the end, they're still committed to terrorizing each other, but they also grow close in their own way and would absolutely defend the other if needed. (gabriel is overjoyed and v1 is happy he's happy)
as far as risen v1 goes, i think v2 is likely around in the initial process given how long it takes - gabriel takes his light back, but v1 lays dormant in heaven for quite some time. v2, in and out of heaven itself often for visiting mike, probably does what it can to comfort gabriel during this time. it's not particularly good at that kind of thing, but it was dead too, after all, and he saved it then....why couldn't he do it now with v1? it's genuinely unsure if it will work and....something in it is sad to see v1 so deteriorated, so silent and still. it takes that to mike though, knowing gabriel doesn't need the additional grief, relating how the two never came to fully understand one another, but not thinking it matters either way. it had grown to appreciate v1's presence and there truly isn't anything that could remotely replace it. but when v1 wakes, when all of its circuitry lights up in bright blue, v2 is relieved with gabriel. for a minute. until it realizes the kind of terror it's going to be now that it can...fly. it kind of maybe holds out hope for a second that something in it will be tempered by gabriel's light but that only lasts until it sees it crawling all over gabe like an aphid before immediately leaping off the tallest building it can find. so while everyone is amazed at v1's successful rise, v2 thinks it's going to move to heaven permanently because it is NOT living near THAT.
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becasworldsstuff · 29 days
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Hi, so can you do Colin Bridgerton lover where they are a secret relationship because of all the stuff that comes with being public and they aren’t ready for that but somehow Lady Whistledown finds out and it’s exposed.
-> pairings: Colin bridgerton x reader
-> warnings: none
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Both of their eyes managed to lock together every time the two were in the same room, they danced with others, twirled around the room unknowingly to anyone else apart from the two of them.
Nothing could give away the love their hearts were laced with. So they began to find happiness in being together and wanting to be married as soon as possible. Anthony and Vioket were ecstatic, the girl couldn't have been a more perfect match for their family and their beloved Colin. No one knew except their family and the dark rooms into which they would find themselves happily expressing their love without a care in the world.
The room had began being suffocating for both of them because of the lack of liberty, they breathed the need to conjoin their hands and look into each other's eyes. And so y/n decided to leave the dance room in search of some peace and silence. Colin's eyes traveled along her figure as she kept going further away from his visual and so he decided to follow her, they found themselves in a room, where they hugged each other both in need of physical touch.
Her eyes watery as she looked into his "I can't help it Colin, I need to marry you, no one will ever be you and seeing you out there dance, it makes me melt, because you are not holding me" she says pointing at herself with heavy breathing "I want to marry you" he says with wavering words "words are not enough colin" she goes out of the room, running into a soft body draped in a beautiful dress "oh my, I'm so sorry miss featherington have I hurt you" Penelope eyes looked at her with a softness in them usual for her "don't worry, was just trying to escape my mom" "can I help? I know a way to the kitchen, here, we could eat some biscuits and talk if you'd deemed it interesting" "lovely" the two giggled soundly as they went to the kitchen in secret.
Dearest reader, this author finds herself in need of talking of one of the jewels of this season, the splendid and exquisite future miss bridgerton, I can offer the greatest of my wishes as Mr Colin bridgerton, the third son of the late viscount and viscountess Bridgerton, it seems the two were seen exchanging eyes as well as their mamas, who talked in secrecy for the entire night. However I find myself obliged to talk about miss featherington, once again missing...
The girl took the paper and stopped reading as lady whistledown kept using Penelope as a punching bag, the vallet came running in the tea room announcing miss bridgerton and the viscount bridgerton "I assume you read the paper" laughed violet to the girl's mother "don't worry dear, it will all work out, I know you were hoping for a titled man to bring luck in your sister's marriages but it's now the time to marry" "My mother's right, we are here to start organizing the wedding" Anthony said looking at his future sister-in-law.
The two lovers looked at eachother nodding and gulping down, "I'd like to use as engagement ring my nanas ring if it's fine with you miss Bridgerton" "of course my dearest"
Their eyes locked while she walked down the aisle, after a long mass the two were declared wife and husband and they finally kissed for the first time.
This reader deemed fit put in her best wishes to the new lord and miss bridgerton, to a happy and long marriage
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ryuichirou · 3 months
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More replies~
Anonymous asked:
I know that we put a lot of emphasis on ignoring antis but sometimes there are days where I read one of their comments and get so disheartened and tired. I do try to report and block as many as I can but it's just really difficult to pull through when a majority of them are minors who are calling for us to drop dead or be assaulted or kill ourselves.
Anyway, I'm grateful for you and your art! It really brightens my day, especially when I'm going through it.
It could be tough sometimes, Anon, I get it. You’ve said it well – if anything, it’s tiring. Even if you know for a fact that it’s just some kid trying to hurt you because of their own issues, you (and none of us) shouldn’t be forced to tolerate it just because they didn’t figure their shit out yet. And they sound so deranged sometimes that it becomes obvious that they don’t really understand what they’re saying/implying and they don’t care.
Thank you so much for your support! I am happy it makes you feel better. We’ll do our best to keep posting as long as we’re having fun, and I hope you’ll keep having fun too <3
And don’t forget that whatever they do or say, it’s not really about you – it’s about them trying to earn favor with their lame-ass friends who do the same type of shit, because creating meaningful earnest connections is much more difficult than gathering an angry mob, as well as creating actual content that can make other people happy and helps you to express your love for the media.
Anonymous asked:
What do you think is the reason for the octatrio visiting the Scalding Sands, is it just a business trip? Or maybe Azul is organizing his wedding, and wants to share his happiness with his old friends by inviting them in person! I'm sure that this isn't also one last ditch effort to get Jamil to reconsider their "relationship" (Oh, but he looks so misty-eyed after hearing the news, is that maybe a tear they see?... Ah, wait... He's just yawning...)
Ohhh, of course Jamil wouldn’t be misty eyed over this loss, Idia basically took the bullet for him… Honestly, good riddance, these two deserve each other 😭 The line between the Mafia AU and the Marriage AU is a bit blurred, but I didn’t think it was the case with this particular sketch; THAT BEING SAID, Azul is absolutely going to invite Jamil (alright, Kalim too) in person. He just HAS to see Jamil’s face when he hears that Azul is getting married! (Jamil’s face: completely unimpressed…)
When I was sketching it, I was thinking that it was a business trip; whether he is a mafia man or just an enterpreneur, Azul always has a lot of business in the Scalding Sands. And if they’re there anyway, why not pay a visit to their dear former classmates? <3 Jade and Floyd are always excited for that lol Poor Jamil.
Anonymous asked:
i love your riddle smut (especially the stuff with trey it’s so good <3) but honestly i find any nsfw of riddle a bit funny bc i can imagine him thinking something as innocent as a kiss is how babies are made. take responsibility trey!
You heard them, Trey! Teach Riddle about the birds and bees! But in general I’m sure Trey feels very responsible and probably even guilty, Anon….
Thank you <3 I love drawing Riddle in smutty situation, he is my ultimate sheltered homeschooled kid at his first party lol I really like the contrast of his innocent easily embarrassed self and his deeply hidden desires.
Anonymous asked:
My sister thought Idia was Aoba, at first…
Gotta love them blue-haired twinks with funky boots and huge-ass jackets and headphones and 10 boyfriends one of which is an AI dog…
Anonymous asked:
I think 'Kalim Overblots' plots should take advantage of their surroundings more often. If Kalim is overblotting in Scarabia, there's no reason why the dorm can't turn into Octavinelle 2.0 thanks to Oasis Maker. Especially if the Octa Trio is involved.
Yeah, using the environment is a great way to make a scene way more engaging. I wonder if Kalim could drown his dorm completely by the time he’s all out of magic and filled with blot; it would be interesting to see underwater Scarabia… lots of space for the fishies to swim in…
Anonymous asked:
If Jamil has a best man/woman in his wedding, it would be Najma because while she is annoying to him at least it is better than any of his school mates. Floyd and Ace are too troublesome to take care of. Ruggie will only just busy with the food than being best man. Kalim, if he isn't who he wed, would feel much more troublesome to take care of and wouldn't care if Kalim wanted to be his best man.
I'm sure if Kalim wasn't wed to Jamil, he will be make him his best man. If not, I'm sure Silver, Cater, or Lilia will. Except Silver, I can picture Lilia and Cater fighting for position. Then again, there will be many weddings for Kalim and they took turns.
I can’t even add anything to that, Anon; I haven’t thought about this scenario at all, but everything that you’re saying makes sense. Honestly, this is just another reason for Jamil to never bother with getting married – the thole thing is going to be so fucking annoying lol but I’m all for Najma being a best woman.
I can also picture Kalim saying stuff like “ah don’t worry, I’ll make you my best man next time!”
Anonymous asked:
I have returned from the trenches of forgetting my password and then finding out I had no access to that email anymore. So now I come back bringing some foods for thought in what can be called a part 4 of my shenanigans.
Ruggie is the campus whore, don't know where the idea came from but I feel like he'd sell his body for some quick cash.
Rook x Idia has been inching its way into my brain, I feel like Rook would find him to be a straight up sexual conquest. Idia would be an unsuspecting deer in his eyes and I don't think Rook has much impulse control lmao
Random story time rabbit hole : Your ranking for their levels of whore inspired to give Divus a pretty bastard son because I feel like Divus wouldn't discriminate on gender in his teen age years. Which made me realize Divus is not dad material, and led me to this conclusion after a friend of mine mentioned it; he would probably sleep with his son on purpose or by mistake. If he's the one to raise the kid on the other hand, its more emotional incest. On that note, my pretty boy deserves justice against his daddy (not, he is used to it by now and probably can't function without it lol)
~ The one and only, 🐩 anon
Welcome back, 🐩 anon! I’m glad to see you again :)
Ruggie would definitely sell his body; I think the only reason he would stop is if he gets himself a deal with Leona and has to protect his exclusive rights and all lol Other than that, Ruggie doesn’t see this whole thing as anything other another business.
100% about the Rook/Idia thing, we love thinking about these two, god it’s such a pity I never finished our sketch with these two LOL but it’s exactly like you described: Idia is such a rare unsuspecting deer that’s so skittish and fearful and difficult to catch. At the same time, whenever they interact, if Rook manages to keep Idia around long enough for his initial scare to pass, he seems to know just the right stuff to say to Idia to keep him invested in a conversation. He’s working on it, he’s working on this deer~
Oh god, the Divus-the-dad scenario was the one I wasn’t expecting lol I’m not even sure which one is more cursed (=better); but I feel like Divus sleeping with his bastard son on accident is more plausable, at least at this point in his life. When he gets older, he might get into the emotional incest thing….
Divus and his emotional incest era…
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pigeonwit · 4 months
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hi pidge! i was wondering if you knew of any canon era fics where davey and jack grow apart/jack goes to santa fe/separate/whatever and reunite sometime in the future?
... you know i could've SWORN i did, but i actually don't? which is a shame because jack leaving for santa fe, regretting it, and coming home in shame but knowing exactly what he wants and davey staying in new york, desperately wanting to welcome jack back but refusing because he knows how much jack can hurt him and won't risk it again, all set against that backdrop of period typical homophobia and keeping up appearances is a really cool idea. maybe davey actually did resign himself to living purely for his family and is close to settling down with a nice girl in a cushy job he hates, but has convinced himself its worth it for the sake of not letting his heart get broken again. what was he thinking, right? and it'd be so interesting to see how jack goes about rebuilding his friendships not only with davey but with everyone else he left behind. because i can understand people like race and crutchie feeling abandoned, but itd also be a great way to explore how jack was forced to grow up before he should've and how stressed he was acting as the leader to 100 boys at the age of 17.
that being said i feel kind of bad leaving this with just saying 'sorry no, whoopsies!!' so i'll recommend the two (technically three) fics that immediately came to mind when i was wracking my brain for anything that kind of fit this description. behold:
favorite crime by @we-are-inevitable (side bar this took me too many attempts to find again because i kept spelling 'favorite' the british way) - jack and davey engaged in a secret relationship which jack ended out of fear that due to his success with his political cartoons, they'd be under more scrutiny and thus more likely to be found out, leaving davey behind. they do TECHNICALLY reunite in the future but the story isnt meant to have a happy ending; instead you get a really achingly poignant story about love, fear and the consequences of both. the prose is gorgeous and the characterization is (in my opinion) the most solid in the fandom. jack's absence from daveys life is like a scar across the fic and you really feel how it affects davey to have such a permanent pain everpresent in him - but also having the memory of it nonetheless. its probably not the comforting fluff you're looking for but it IS a beautiful fic and if you're in a good enough place to read it, i recommend it!!
keepsakes (and trinkets) by @livesincerely - this is modern era, but it fits the bill almost perfectly. jack and davey were together but jack got a job offer in santa fe, causing a misunderstanding of davey wanting to support jacks dream while wishing he'd stay and jack not wanting to pressure him into uprooting his life while wishing he'd come with him. after finding davey while back in new york for a visit, they finally confront each other and all those old feelings come back to the surface. it's one of my favourite fics; i'm a big sentimentalist and i love the idea of keeping an object tied to a person for so long that you eventually dont even realize how much of that person is still in your life, still clinging on to the edges, not quite letting go. i love the idea of not even realizing how much a person is still clinging to the edges of your life until that person is THERE and suddenly oh, its unavoidable. all those little keepsakes and the memories attached are still there. you can try to get rid of them, but at a certain point that person has touched so much of your life that you dont even notice it. its just everywhere. i love that shit. im obsessed with that shit. it's one of my favourite go-to comfort fics when i need a little mental treat.
if anyone has any fics that DO fit this request in its entirety please let me know, because i would like to read them!
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givehimthemedicine · 1 year
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I'm gonna say something that might make elmax tumblr mad at me but:
as much as El and Max are besties in the sense of the nonexclusive title, I can't honestly say I think they're mutual best friends in the sense of literal #1 ranking of emotional closeness.
Max becomes El's best friend within the same hour that they meaningfully interact, surpassing Mike by miles. no contest. but I think Max's best friend is still Lucas.
Max doesn't really share emotionally with El. she's a brand new friend and doesn't really have the, what do I want to say, life experience? to become Max's go-to confidant right away, which is a pretty major pillar of emotionally close friendship. El is so new to normal human relationships and regular life across the board. she would listen and care if Max confided in her, undoubtedly, but someone to whom you'd have to pause and explain and define aspects of what you just said honestly isn't going to be your #1 choice when you're upset and just want to vent and be understood. there's definitely no lack of emotional intelligence or anything like that from El, she's just not the easiest one to communicate with.
El actually COULD understand Max a lot better than Max might expect - and vice versa - but since neither of them really tells the other anything about themselves (at least not onscreen), they don't know just how much they can relate to each other yet.
what little sharing Max has done with El has been mostly in brief unintentional(?) inferences that El didn't engage with ("happy screams" being a troubling insight into her home life, etc). and I see extremely little evidence that El has ever told Max or anyone else much about the lab.
their friendship in s3 is more about being kids and having fun together (which is not something shallow! they both need that so badly) and they have more of a mentor-mentee relationship in some ways. just when their friendship could be getting deep, they get separated which is horribly unfortunate.
I don't mean to paint Max as the giver and El as the taker - they're different things to each other. Max drops everything and immediately offers advice, friendship, and warmth to a girl who's previously been rude to her for no reason, expecting no apology and asking nothing in return. but El spends season 3 body-shielding Max from monsters, is there to hold Max when Billy dies, and moves mountains unasked to find/protect/save Max in 4. she is very much there for Max emotionally, just verbal/written communication isn't her strong suit, and that's especially hard in a long distance friendship where that's the only way you can communicate.
Lucas, on the other hand. he has the distinction of being the first person to make her feel accepted in an unfamiliar town, her first true friend in Hawkins or possibly ever, and I don't think that's overwritten by one shopping spree.
Max really opened up quite soon to Lucas considering her trust issues in season 2 and he made it a very positive experience for her. not much of substance happened between them in 3 but in 4, their relationship seems to have its greatest emotional depth ever despite being broken up, and she voiced her literal deepest darkest secrets and suicidal ideations in front of him. (El heard it too, but Max didn't actually consent to that, although I imagine she would have). Henry used Lucas for a vision, knowing her fears would hurt the worst coming from Lucas's mouth. Lucas is the first person Max mentioned she had already looked for when she went to Dustin's house to talk about what she saw, and that was before their reconciliation.
but now here's something to offend lumax tumblr as well: I don't think Max has been Lucas's best friend at any point so far.
am I forgetting a time he's told her anything about himself? a time she's complimented him? I can't think of a topic he's discussed seriously with her that didn't pertain to Max herself, their relationship, or upside down stuff. his best friend is still within the party - Mike or Will I bet.
I could absolutely see Lucas finding Max daunting to open up to, even before her depression in 4. the way she treats him in 3 doesn't give me the sense there's a whole lot of sharing or validation going on for Lucas. I'm not saying she's a bad girlfriend to him, but I am saying she must make him feel a lot less emotionally cared for than he does her, unless he's extremely aware that they have very different ways of showing love. Max really is nice and definitely would listen and care if he shared seriously (and she has shown him that, just not often or recently), but she definitely has an exterior you have to get past first and I wonder how much he tries to do that.
I assume their friendship/relationship had to have had more depth than what we actually saw onscreen but I feel like Lucas lets his feelings be easily swept under the rug when it comes to Max vs the boys. the "the lady is never wrong" policy he learns from his father may keep the peace, but it isn't healthy for the long term. and this may be a subset of that, but I think Lucas prioritizes Max's hardships above his own (that's gonna be huge for him in 5 and beyond - he got traumatized by what happened to Max too, but he won't be inclined to seek validation of that especially not from her).
while they both absolutely care and empathize, Max and Lucas's backgrounds and struggles aren't ones that each other can personally relate to much. Max doesn't know what it's like to get bullied for being black and Lucas doesn't know what it's like to grow up in a poor, broken, abusive home.
but while their childhoods looked drastically different too, El and Max actually could relate to a lot about each others' pasts. El wouldn't know much about being a child of divorce, but can relate to having an abusive big brother, to wanting to escape, to major trust issues and craving love, to refusing to grow up to be what her abusers want her to be. Max doesn't know what it's like to grow up in a lab, but she can relate to being a little girl unsafe in her own home, to having a hard-learned no snitching policy, to living with a bad man she's supposed to call dad whose abuse causes her sibling to abuse her in turn, to refusing to repeat that cycle.
El and Max have potential to have an incredibly deeply understanding mutual best friendship, and I think they will once they get a chance to spend some time together, process what just happened in 4, and open up to each other about more.
simply aging and maturing will contribute to this as well but I think what Max has learned in 4 will make her more emotionally available with Lucas (disregarding that in reality she'd probably close off more than ever after 4 but it's the last season and we don't have time for that) in fact she was already starting to open up to him more just before she died. I hope they don't rush the relationship aspect of lumax because their friendship is sososo important and deserves its own attention tbh. I want to see some mutual emotional sharing between them where Lucas's trauma isn't sidelined.
also El and Lucas, the combination with I'd say the least in common, absolutely must do some massive bonding over Max. I want the two who were slowest to warm up to each other as kids to be absolutely ride or die. the brot3 potential is there I just need everyone to communicate!
tl;dr: Max is El's best friend but El isn't Max's best friend, and Lucas is Max's best friend but Max isn't Lucas's best friend
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Text
the french exit | chapter 03
kylian mbappé x original female character [+18]
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synopsis: alice is a lonely rich girl whose biggest fear is to become a lonely rich woman. ever since they moved to paris, her fiancé doesn’t seem to be interested in her anymore. so alice decides to find comfort in the arms of another man. warnings: cheating; angst; smut; i have never been to france; minors dni.
previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter
Chapter 03 | Halley’s Comet
“I've been loved before, but right now in this moment
I feel more and more like I was made for you”
“It doesn't bother you at all?” Alice asks while playing with her engagement ring. They were laying in bed together, just staring at the ceiling for the last few minutes.
“No.” Kylian turns to face her and she follows his movements. “I'm not interested in having a relationship outside of this apartment. You give me everything I need just being here. I don't need more.” They’re facing each other, the light of the moon coming from the window is the only thing illuminating them.
“Except you do. You have other women. Women you travel with. Women you take to dinner” Her voice is low, almost a whisper.
“And I never promised exclusivity to any of them, did I?”
Alice is silent.
“What do you want from me? What do you want me to say?” Kylian looks genuinely confused and Alice feels like she knows him enough to read between the lines. It doesn't bother him because if she has someone to give her all the things he's not interested in giving, then maybe she wouldn't ask for them. That she should also feel satisfied.
“Nothing. You're not the problem, I am. I'm not happy cheating on David and I'm not happy being with him. I just don't know what to do.” She puffs. “Sorry to involve you in this.”
“I involved myself.” Suddenly his entire demeanor changes. He sits up on the bed, eyes never leaving her. “But of course you're not happy with him. How can you be happy with a man like that?” He starts touching the sides of her body, slowly removing the duvet cover she was hiding behind. 
“Look at how you go back to him.” Kylian exposes her naked body and uses his own body to open her legs, looking at her core. “Look what I did. Look at how red your cunt is. And he doesn't notice.” He pushes a finger inside of her. “I would notice.” And another. “If you were fucking another man before coming to me I would know.” Kylian spits on her cunt and continues to roughly finger her. “I never see signs of him on your body. He's not fucking you is he?”
“He is.” Alice sobs, already lost in pleasure. “Sometimes.”
“Not enough. Not like you deserve. Not the way I am.”
“No.” She shakes her head.
“Tell me I'm better.” Kylian practically barks.
“You know you are.” From her point of view Kylian never looked taller, hovering on top of her, already three fingers inside of her body. 
“I want to hear it from you.” He’s begging, in his own way.
“You're better.” Alice moans. “You're bigger.” Another sob as the French man continues to please her. “That's why I keep coming back.”
“Then you should be happy with me, baby. Let me make you happy.” He continued telling sweet nothing until she came. “Good girl.” He kisses her forehead and they cuddle. Her regret long forgotten, Alice fell asleep feeling safe and wanted in Kylian’s arms.
He wasn’t joking about decorating the apartment. She helped him choose artwork to fill the empty walls and a new couch. Soon enough the apartment had a complete new look; a mix of both of their personal styles. He gave her a key.
“I don't bring anybody else here.” He’s blushing when he says that. “So, I figured you should have a key.  In case you ever feel the need to come here while I’m not around.”
The implications of that hit Alice like a brick. It made things official in a way. That place was officially their love den. She felt like the witness, the accomplice and the offender of a love crime. It still felt better than feeling like a victim, which was the case in her real life, back in her real home with her real romantic partner. So she took the key. Whenever Kylian was at an away game or simply busy, and David was, for whatever reason, stressing her out – she would find refuge in the apartment. It quickly became her second home. There were traces of her everywhere: clothes, personal care items, accessories and groceries. When David traveled, she didn't even bother going to their house.
At work, everybody was excited about the upcoming event. Mr Lavigne was hosting his party at The Grand Jardin of the Ritz Hotel. In one particular conversation, Clara slips out an important piece of information.
“Well, you were also at the Ritz last week.” Clara raises her eyebrows as she says that, grinning at Alice.
“What do you mean?” Alice was confused by the suggestion, she has never been to that Hotel.
“Sorry, I just – I saw David there last week and just assumed.”
There’s an uncomfortable silence after that. They both come up with excuses to change the subject and they never speak out about it again. 
For the Lavigne Foundation charity event, Alice wore a Mirror Palais transparent silk black dress. The ‘Cascading Ruffle Gown’, was a request from Margot. The magazine was working towards promoting the brand and Margot claimed they wouldn’t find a better model for the dress. Even though Alice wasn’t used to wearing such riscké clothing, she fell in love with the gown and was so comfortable that when she wore it that evening it was like it was made for her. 
“Holy shit.” David had his mouth open, he couldn’t stop staring at his fiance. They were in their living room getting ready, and he looked handsome in an italian tailored blue suit. His hair was slicked back and standing together they looked like royalty.
“You look like the first woman to ever wear a dress. Looking at you, right now, I cannot think of any other woman in history that ever wore a dress before.” Margot was helping her get ready, overseeing hair and makeup, to make sure everything was perfect.
They had a driver take them to the Hotel, where they had pictures taken by photographers at the entrance. Hollywood actors and European models divided the attention of the press, but as soon as Alice stepped out of the car, everybody held their breath.
“I told you, you should be a model.” David whispers in her ear, managing to elevate her ego even more, somehow.
Not for a single minute, or a single second, Alice considered bumping into Kylian at the party. All of her confidence went down the drain when she saw him. They were bound to run into each other in public again, but living in denial was so much easier.
He looked like a superstar and behaved politely and humbly with every person who approached him, Alice almost laughed out loud. So different from the man she knew. The one who only appeared behind four walls. At the same time, she also felt like crying. He was a complete stranger to her, that was the truth. 
Even after all these sleepless nights and secret love texts, and exchanged keys and whispered promises. They weren’t really a part of each other’s life. He didn’t know her friends, he never met her boss. And then, there he was, softly speaking with Mr Lavigne, congratulating the man on the incredible work he was doing. 
“Look who 's here! Mbappé!" David points out excitedly. She doesn't need to follow his gaze, she was already looking at the man for the past few minutes. He doesn't look at her, though. During the entire evening there wasn't a single glance thrown in her direction. She introduces David and Mr Lavigne and they immediately hit it off, naturally. They were both interested in the same thing: each other's money. The businessman expected a generous donation from the couple that night, and Alice’s fiancé was willing to please him if it meant making business together in the future.
When Alice couldn't hide her discomfort with the situation anymore, she excused herself to the toilet. She needed a time out to freshen up, maybe finally take the Valium pill her friend Lili gracefully gifted her a couple weeks ago.
“Every decent woman should carry drugs with her at all times.” She said at the time, only half joking.
As she follows the instructions to go to the toilet she hears a knock sound behind her that makes her jump in surprise, and then a familiar voice.
“Excusez-moi,”
They’re in an empty hallway, so distant from the party there’s no sound of people at all; still, Alice feels like she was caught committing a crime. She feels cold from the scare and then warm again when she realizes: she never saw him wearing a suit, and now that they’re alone she can appreciate it.
“Do you have any idea… Do you even know what you’re doing to me?” Kylian sounds angry and Alice blushes. “You look like a fucking sex goddess and I'm not even allowed to look at you.” 
“You can look now.” She says softly, teasing him.
“Well, now I want to do a lot more than look.” He looks hungry. They reach for each other, carefully not to break the spell. When Kylian puts his hands on her, Alice feels like she’s burning. They share a deep kiss right in the middle of the hallway, not even thinking about who may see them. The kiss feels hushed, like they’re in a hurry. Kylian has his hands all over her body, he pinches her ass, holds her breasts. Alice giggles through the kiss, feeling immediate relief from being in his arms. Her eyes drift to the mirror beside them and he smiles.
“We look good don't we. We make a good match.” Kylian's voice is rough, still catching his breath from the kiss. Alice agrees.
“I can't go back there like this,” Alice pleads. “I need more.”
“What do you want, baby?” He looks worried and she almost laughs. Instead, she guides her hand to his crotch, looking at him with supplicating eyes.
“Please.”
He gets hard immediately, both inside his pants and in his behavior. He furrowed his eyebrows, looking angry again.
“Please what?” He asks, but she doesn't respond, still touching him on top of his pants. He still has his hand on her ass and takes the opportunity to give her a light slap. “Alice. Answer me.”
“Fuck me. Just a little bit. Just to… Just to remind me–” that I’m yours. In a parallel universe, not far from there, where’s just the two of them and their home, and their private world, they do belong to each other. I’m yours, take me. Alice thinks. Kylian drags her to a linen closet and once he closes the door she falls to her knees. Her hand goes back to his fly, but this time she opens it in a hurry, taking off his pants and underwear. She has her mouth on him before he can say anything.
“Of course. That’s what you needed.” He grunts. “A mouth full with my cock.” He holds her hair, guiding her movements. “You feel so good. So good. That’s what I needed too, baby.” When he feels himself getting close to an orgasm, he takes her off of him and they switch places. Kylian gets on his knees and takes off her panties, leaving her completely naked under the see through gown. “Fuck.” He almost says he loves her. Instead, he puts his mouth on her core and kisses her again. He’s hungry for her. Her pleasure and her taste are all he can think of. Kylian loses track of time and his mouth only leaves her after she pushes him off. He gave her two orgarms in a row and Alice started to feel oversensitive.
“Come here.” She asks and he obeys. He gets up and puts their bodies close together, they moan in unison as they feel their nakedness touching. He guides his cock toward her entrance and finds no resistance, Alice is drenched and lost in pleasure. He fucks her rough and fast, they can't stay there for much longer. So Kylian chases his pleasure and quickly cums inside of her. He uses his fingers to gather his cum running down her legs. Then he feeds it to her. Alice happily eats it all.
“Now you’re going back with my cum inside two of your holes.” He jokes while Alice has her eyes closed, sucking his finger for every last drop. 
They get dressed and Kylian gives her a soft chaste kiss on her forehead before they part ways. Alice goes back to her mission of going to the toilet freshen up. She swallows the Valium pill before going back to the party.
...
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lindszeppelin · 15 days
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I am the anon who sent you the long message, I am also a dude , Im of a rare breed in the fanbase , dont seem like there is alot of us here and thats ok lol I have sent you something before actually about how when men know we know. And I will say that over and over again. Seems like alot of the anons you get seem to be from people who are losing faith in that and think whatever Miss Gerber has with Austin is real. A man knows when he found his wife, not to get all preachy and sound like a religious crazy person but there is legit a whole bible verse in the book of Proverbs about it. I am 31, still young but old enough to know , especially as a married man myself when a guy has found his wife, he isnt hiding that shit. When i proposed to my wife we were on vacation and I legit facetimed my friends when she was in the shower and told them the news, up there squealing like a woman excited as hell LMAO. Austin is someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, if he saw that life with Kaia we would know it will show. So all that privacy BS is exactly that.....BS....like he dodges questions about her all the time and Kaia does the same, i personally have never seen celebs go that far to do that, even the ones who wanna be private. They still talk about each other. I think these shippers as I stated see themselves in Kaia,so when things are said about their relationship and lacking chemistry they take it as you saying about them and Austin...anyways I will stop ranting here but i wanted this to known and to give your blog a guy perspective
aaah welcome back in! nice to have you here. the fandom truly needs bit more guys in the fandom to balance out lol. and i think there are, but us women are a lot more vocal about it i'd say lol. and to each their own, it's so cool to have you here.
but i thank you once again for brining in the much needed male perspective on this situation. and coming from a man that is married and is Austin's age, that seriously should be everything that we need to heed your words.
i think a lot this discourse stems from the fact that the super young girls in this fandom closer to kaia's age clearly are showing that they haven't been in a serious relationship, or they don't have a lot of life experience. because a man should love his woman entirely and not be afraid to show it or talk about it. if a man hides his girl in any way then he's not happy with her. austin moves with kaia like a man that is not taking her serious. plus he knows she is too young for anything serious anyway. and when a guy TRULY thinks he has found his future wife, he won't waste time. i know this from personal family and friend experiences. i come from a parental background where my mom and dad got engaged after only 6 months of dating and they are still together 30+ years later. i know someone else where after only a week their man proposed and they are still together. like...it is what it is. a man can be just as emotional, clingy, and lovey-dovey to his woman than the woman is to him. ladies reading...if your guy doesn't act like the sun doesn't rise and set with you then he is not the one and he won't ever be. and that's okay. go find yourself a person that leaves no question as to their feelings for you. if you have to guess or question then, as the famous movie goes, he's just not that into you.
and you mentioned a verse in proverbs. i'm not necessarily a religious fanatic, however i am spiritual and i won't turn my nose up at acknowledging that stuff. . so if you would like to share the verse then go for it.
but once again, thank you so much for your insightful input!!
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saphig-iawn · 4 months
Text
Day 5 of Turning me into Me
Today was a strange one, but it was positive. Today gave me another chance to feel my own strength and stand my ground; I visited my parents.
Here's some Saphi lore to give context as to why this was an important conversation. I originally came out as trans in 2018. I was out to my dear girlfriend and a handful of others knew I had some gender fuckery going on. But I was uncertain, I had doubts, so all I could do one day was squeak out the words "I think I'm trans" to my mum. There was such a mounting pressure inside of me, and finally being able to tell them felt good, but things didn't pan out all that well. "So you're a crossdresser" my mum would bark while we were walking dogs together, "If you had come out as gay, I would've been more prepared" she added. Sure, let me just throw away my long term relationship for your comfort shall I? My dad couldn't hold conversation with me. There was a frost forming in the air between us, and then at my sister's engagement party a few days later, he couldn't even look me in the eye. Every time I reached out to him, he would dive away. I felt so alone and left early, lied to my sister that I wasn't well. Then I retreated into the closet, my transess felt surpressed. I went into such a dark period of questioning. But I came out the otherside as the lovely transwoman you have before you.
This time around, my parents and family are the last to find out. My friends all call me by my new name, I'm out to my colleagues at work, I'm my beautiful trans self everywhere, but to them. I couldn't help but think of the worst scenario when daydreaming about coming out to them. If my dad avoided me then, how would he react now when I tell him of how sure I am of my femininity? Would my mum be 'more prepared' now? In this time I've tried to lay down breadcrumbs, slowly invite them in and the responses were sometimes worrying. My sister and her husband talking about kids having their genitals cut off, my dad scrunching up his face at the word non-binary, my sister asking if I have any snowflake friends. The worst was my mum. She wasn't transphobic or bigoted, but she acted in a way that fucking hurt. She was telling me about her friend who's daughter came out as transwoman, and how every time she sees a photo of her friend and her new daughter she make sure she comments on how her daughter is so happy and confident. I wished I could've felt joy at that, that my mum was turning a page but all I could think was: "where were you when I came out".
My parents find it so hard to let me think for myself. I've not lived with them for a while now but they still feel that they can have this sway on my life. I've taken to straight up lying about seeing mental health professionals so that they'd understand how I work, as someone who is neurodivergent and has ADHD, because their own child's word about their own feelings is apparently not good enough. Every time they'd say "you know where we are if you want to talk" I TRIED. I TRIED AND YOU PUT ME AT ARMS LENGTH. Then I told them the plainest and most powerful truth, that I saw my doctor about getting a referral for the gender services. That was so HAPPY that something positive was finally happening, that I was going to be figuring myself out. But of course, we know the reality is that I already know who I am and have already figured it out. I've drip fed them what I've learned about myself, my body and gender dysmorphia from a young age, the realisation now that my mind and body didn't match. My mum is a fatphobic and she always thinks I'm going through this because I'm a big girl, but I shut her down every time.
So, with all of that in mind, I spoke to my parents. I told them that I've received confirmation that I'm on the gender services. I told them I'm joining support groups (lie) and that I'm meeting people who have similar experience as me (lie)... They were supportive... They actually hugged me and in their old way actually said that they'd support me, as long as I feel like I'm doing the right thing by me.
Oh I am mum and dad, and I have been for a long time.
Love, your daughter
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