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#sobbing hysterically i'm gonna curl into a ball
sofia-falcon · 7 months
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Seeing Red: 3
@axelwolf8109 @greek-freak101 @jackiequick @katries @epickiya722
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"You doing okay?" Oliver asked Roy, helping him with a tray of glasses
"Good enough I guess" Roy had to yell to be heard over the music. Oliver nodded and checked his phone. "Shit, I gotta run of for a bit"
"You mean an hour" Roy said bitterly. "I've noticed you and Laurel always disappear on me, and it's not your fucking club"
Oliver went to answer but his phone buzzed. "I have to go-" "Whatever" Roy stepped outside
He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm himself down. 'You live in a mansion now, yeah he leaves all the time but at least he comes back'
"Roy Harper?" Someone, a male, asked from behind him. "Yeah?" Roy turned around, the person sticking a syringe into his neck, injecting him with something.
Roy fell to the ground and tried to crawl away. He tried to scream for help, for Laurel, for Oliver, anyone. A kick to his face knocked him unconscious.
------
Oliver returns to Verdant a bit annoyed, Diggle apologizing over the false alarm
Laurel ran to frantically. "I can't find Roy! I've searched this place top to bottom"
"Shit, I left him earlier for Hood stuff"
"You did what?!" Laurel screamed. Oliver grabbed her arms
Tommy ran over. "Ollie, you need to see this, it's that serial killer from the Glades" He held out his phone. It showed Roy tied up with a camera in his face.
"Roy Harper, arrested for larceny, theft and drug possession. He thinks being adopted by Oliver Queen makes him innocent! He's no different from the gang members who killed my wife!"
"Felicity, find his location now" Oliver hissed at his phone. "You can't go" Laurel grabbed his arm. "He'll kill Roy, I have to"
Laurel nodded and wiped away tears. "Tommy, watch Laurel, I'll try and find my son"
-----
"I can't get an accurate location, he's using something to bounce his IP address anywhere" Felicity cursed.
Oliver stood in front of the screen in the Arrow Cave, watching Roy.
His foster son wasn't even calling for help, he looked completely broken. "I got it!" Felicity yelled. "The subway tunnels go!"
-----
Laurel watched the stream too, a complete wreck.
"Why should you get to live?" "I shouldn't. Just do it!" Roy screamed. "No one's gonna miss me, I'm just a waste"
"No you're not" Laurel sobbed. Roy closed his eyes. "Joesph Falk!" Oliver roared, the man turned around to face him, an arrow flying past him and near Roy's restrained wrist.
"Let. The. Kid. Go" Oliver growled. "He deserves this!" "He does not! You don't get to decide this anymore"
Oliver titled his head at the arrow, Roy quickly understood and attempted to cut the tape.
"Come on Ollie" Laurel said under her breath. "He deserves this!" Falk pulled out a gun, Oliver tackled him and the feed went dark.
"No! No no no no!" Laurel sobbed, covering her mouth. Tommy held her close.
Roy cut the tape off and ripped it off his other wrist, dropping to the ground. He rolled out of the way to a corner and curled up in a ball, covering his ears.
Oliver shot an arrow through Falk's heart, killing him instantly. He reached out to Roy but was met with a whimper.
His heart broke, his kid was scared of him. "I'll get you back to your parents, let's go" Roy accepted his hand
-----
Oliver got Roy a car and quickly changed into civilian clothes, finding his fiancé in hysterics. "Is he? Is Roy-Roy!" Laurel crushed him into a hug.
"Off!" Roy let out a noise. "You're grounded for going outside by yourself but I'm not going to enforce it because you were kidnapped!" Laurel searched him over.
Oliver hugged him next. "He was wrong" He muttered to him. "You deserve to live" Roy sighed with content in his arms
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eternal-armin · 2 years
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a pearl.
struggling with their emotional stability, [y/n] vents their heart out to jinx after she urges them to do so.
reader: neutral.
cw: mentions of suicidal ideation, self-hate, traumatic pasts, internalized 'i deserve this'
this is kind of a vent 'shot. i struggle with these thoughts very often, minus the support which is afforded to reader.
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curled in a ball atop your bed, you stared at the wall, though you didn't really see it.  your arm slumped over onto the controller of your speaker. every time the song ended, you hit replay, letting it fill your ears non-stop. maybe you were crying, but you didn't feel it- you preferred not feeling at this point. what would happen if you felt again? the mere thought of finding out made you nauseated.
you had jinx. you could ask for help, and she would help you, but you didn't dare speak out. this time- what if this time was what broke her? what made her angry at how sensitive you were, at how many problems you had? you couldn't risk it. you couldn't lose her, too.
your ear was numbed to the music. but it was such a beautiful song, it always made you cry.
someone knocked on your door, but you let it go unanswered. surely they knew you were in here. whoever it was- silco, sevika, jinx, whoever- would be better off not seeing you right now. hell, if you saw someone, you would be sent into hysterics. funny how that works.
"hey, sweets?" jinx called. your blood ran cold. cold enough to ache, but not cold enough to make you move. "you've been listening to that song for a while~," she joked. hope seeped into her voice. probably hoping you would respond in any way. but you didn't. like a pest, you hoped she would go away on her own.
how fucking dare you call her that. who the hell do you think you are?
your eyes stung. she didn't leave.
you rewinded the song again.
"toots, i'm not leavin' until you open up!" jinx called again. you were still too scared to respond, praying to god that she would go away, come back when you could offer her anything more than sobs.
god, huh? why would he care about someone like you?
you could just barely hear her scoff behind the door. it wasn’t a disgusted sound or anything. fittingly, it made your heart ache more.
"i'm comin' in, alright?" the doorknob jiggled after a few seconds. it was a hurried sound. she opened the door to a dark, haphazardly cleaned room, books scattered across your bed, and you laying atop it. you looked dead- or close to it, you were so statue-still. your favorite hoodie hung loosely from your body for the fourth night in a row, the only solace from the chilly early-spring air you let the rest of your body be exposed to.
she was quiet for a second. you half expected for her to just leave. maybe she could lock the door behind her and let you starve to death like you wanted.
can't control anything else, might as well choose how you die. and you deserve to die violently, mercilessly, don't you?
"heya, gorgeous. you feelin' alright?" you simultaneously adored and despised the caution, the carefulness, in her voice. you didn't deserve it and yet you felt you needed it.
jinx got no answer from you.
she sighed curtly, stepping closer to the bed. "look, bud, whether ya like tellin' me or not- and you probably don't- i need to know what's going on. if someone's bugging ya, i can fix that. if something's bugging ya, i can fix that. name the problem and poof, it'll be gone, alright?"
you knew she was just trying to persuade you into spilling your feelings, so might as well bite the bullet.
"can you make me disappear?"
those five simple words stunned her into silence. "s-sweets, wha... what the hell are you talking about? no. no, i'm not gonna disappear ya. why would you wanna disappear? what's going on?" at first she laughed through her words, thinking you were joking. but the lack of movement of any type reassured her that she was dead wrong. that raw concern lined her voice clearly.
now you knew all too well that you were crying. you bit your lip till it hurt, trying not to break out into sobs.
"i-i dunno. i just- i wanna..." you didn't finish that sentence.
you rewinded the song again.
the bed sank behind you as jinx took a seat, scooching closer to you. "can you talk to me, snookums? please? i-i- i'm not that big a help but you can't die. you can't disappear."
"why not?"
jinx stumbled over her own thoughts and words, trying to think of what to say. when you wouldn’t even look at her, it felt so close to hopeless. "think about everything you've yet to do! you wanted to explore the world, see the stars, learn your family recipes, go to school! y-you still can, and you gotta...! even... even not everything you wanna do, even the things that make you happy. cooking, baking, watching the same shows over and over. tomorrow could be the happiest day of your life. please just- just stick around to see it. please."
"tomorrow isn't today. tomorrow won't fix me. i don't wanna be happy if it just means i'll feel like this again in the future. i'm so tired, jinx." your face contorted as you tried not to sob. your lungs screamed, and your face was wet, but you couldn't just humiliate yourself like that.
"you don't need to be fixed to deserve happiness. life is- it's all about circles! nothin' stays the same, but it gets better every time." you could hear jinx's attempt to smile whither in her voice.
"i need to be fixed and i don't deserve happiness."
there it is.
jinx stammered for a moment. "w-what?"
you felt angry. with no tears left to cry, you sat up, hitting the speaker to shut it up. "out of everyone, you know how this feels! your family fucked you over and you'll never recover from it. everyone you reach out to for help either uses you or abandons you and eventually you just break. how am i supposed to heal from this? i’m nowhere near as strong as you. i need to be fixed but you can't just glue things back together and say 'ooh, you're fixed now, you're solved!' glue weakens too, y'know! and everytime that the glue breaks it just gets worse and worse and the world gets a little smaller." you took a breath, filling your crying lungs. spilling your guts- not in the way you wanted- simultaneously lessened the burden and made it feel heavier upon your shoulders.
"i-i don't wanna go through this 'circle' anymore, jinx. if everybody treated me like that my whole fuckin' life, maybe that's how i always deserved to be treated. i don't deserve anything better than that." your bottom lip trembled. never before had you raised your voice at jinx, never even thought about it. she didn't deserve your yelling just because you were too immature and frustrated to solve your own fucking problems.
jinx's gaze was focused solely on you, and for the first time ever, you hated it. she should gaze like this at anyone else.
"you don't deserve that, [y/n]. nothing close to it. no matter what happened in your past, it doesn't change the fact that you're human. you're a person, an incredible person, who deserves the world. your dickhead parents and the assholes from your past don't change the fact that you're smart, you're creative, you have so much love in your heart you could give it to the whole world and still have some left over!" jinx faced you with a strength you almost envied, carefully grasping your hands to help ground you. her touch almost scared you at this point, but you craved it. you needed it, at this point.
she pulled you into a hug after a few seconds. another wave of tears threatened you to fall. you took a breath and let it out, and let the tears out with it.
"the past is a bitch. y'can't just fight it off, no one can. so it follows you around day in and day out. that's just what it does." her words, though without comfort, still reassured you just a little. "and of course the world thinks it's funny to give the worst challenges to the best people. make you struggle and scrape and crawl your way through every single day until you either break someone else or yourself. but, you...
"you've gotten through so much. your mind is a pearl. something beautiful, to be treasured, formed from the worst of the worst. it hurts so bad to make a pearl, and it always sticks around, which means that the worst of your life does, too."
your tears steadily stopped falling. jinx skipped the bullshit sugarcoating, and that helped you more. even if it didn't give you much hope.
"i'm not gonna say it gets easier, pretty boy, because i really don't know if it does. but i will say that the burden's a bit easier to face when you've got someone you wanna face it for. you're that person for me, y'know. 'ts why i'm always so eager to give you all the love you want. you’ll learn to grow around it like a flower grows through concrete. but the worst part about it is that it takes time. time is a bitch! time is such a bitch, i hate it so much.”
you couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “time is an asshole,” you added. she laughed a little too. it brought you the greatest relief you’d felt in a while.
“exactly! i don’t blame you for wantin’ to disappear and all that. you’re not alone in that thought. you never were, never are, never will be. you’re stronger than y’think, y’know. but please, sweets, please tell me when you feel like this again. okay?” arms still wrapped around you, she looked you in the eye.
even when you were surely a mess- eyes red, cheeks stained, hair messy- she looked at you with nothing but love and appreciation.
you nodded slightly. “okay. i’ll tell you.” only now did you realize how hoarse your voice was. you had definitely been crying for a while, judging by the amount of dull pain in your throat. “thank you for… caring, i guess.” and even when you had been free of tears for so long, they came right back up when you realized that, well,
jinx still loved you.
even after you aired all the grief you’d been experiencing, a web that couldn’t be untangled, she loved you enough to really care. at least enough to pull you out of your funk.
“look, my precious snookums, i would give you the world because you deserve it! i’ll love ya no matter what, alright? and i will always, always be here to help you because you’ve always helped me through my shit! it’s the absolute least i could do, handsome.” jinx gave you a smile, and it made your heart flutter. even now. she was magical.
“i love you, jinx.”
“i love you more~!” she chirped right back, peppering your face with loving kisses until you giggled.
“impossible.”
“uh, incredibly possible! i’ll show ya if i must!” she pulled you back into a tight bear hug. “how ‘bout we get you out of this bed? whaddya wanna do, hm? we could take a nice warm bubble bath, cook together, pull an old-fashioned all-nighter and watch your favorite movies and eat all your favorite snacks? whatever y’wanna do!”
you still didn't want to move just yet. your body was plagued with an exhaustion unique only to powerful crying and venting. you snuggled into her shoulder, and she pat your head lovingly.
"can we just, uhm... stay here, for a while? and cuddle? i-i just need affection right now."
"that sounds absolutely phenomenal, pretty boy. if that'll make ya feel better, i'll cuddle ya to the moon and back!" she pressed a kiss to the top of your head with a dramatic 'mwah!', rocking you gently back and forth.
"thank you so much for... for all of this. i love you so much."
the little cracks in your voice made her heart ache. but knowing she would continue to hear your beautiful voice, it didn't ache as bad.
"once again, i love you more, precious. and i'll always be here for you. and i will do it with a smile and a hug and a kiss and as much affection as my gorgeous honey bunny pumpkin pie wants!"
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thirstghosting · 10 months
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Crazy Random Haprickstance
Rick + Reader Hurt-comfort Unfinished WP
This is bigtime vent. The emotions in this piece are based on real-life emotions though specific events have been tailored for dramatic effect.
xx
"Whoa, what the--fuck?"
Through your hysterical crying you were startled by the nasally, gravelly voice of a stranger. Looking up through tear-logged eyes you saw the distorted form of a skinny old man, leaning upright toward you in an office chair, in what looked like a normal garage. As you weren't currently in control of your emotions, you shrieked and launched yourself back and away from this man, directly into a metal shelf which you hadn't seen. Shouting again, you braced for impact--which never came.
There was, instead, a plasmatic hum, and when you looked up you saw the contents of the shelf floating above and around you.
"Okay, so, any time now, f-feel free to apologize for barging into my lab and trying to wreck my shit."
The things all floated back into place, the shelf upright. You still sat with your knees  scrunched up, hands flat on the cold concrete of the garage floor. "What, nothing to say? Who are you with? How did you find me."
It took a moment to register he was now pointing a gun-shaped device toward you, which caused you to double over in panic. "Fuck fuck I'm sorry, I don't know how I got here, I didn't do it on purpose!"
"Tch, oh, yeah, you accidentally teleported into my lab--"
"I did, it was an accident!" you stressed, liquids blubbering out of your eyes, mouth, and nose as you pled for your life. "I don't know who you are, man...I'm having a terrible day, I've never te-teleported before and I'm still not sure how I did it. Please don't hurt me."
After a moment of watching you hyperventilate, he seemed to be convinced, setting the weapon down on the work bench with a sigh. "I'm sorry, kid. I have a lot of enemies, c-can never be too careful." You sniffled, taking a deep breath to try to calm down. "S-sorry."
For an awkward moment, you continued to sit, waves of sadness wracking through you. He sat there, not really looking at you but definitely not ignoring you.
"I'm, uh, I'm Rick. Rick Sanchez. I-I'm a scientist, an inventor of sorts," he said. "I deal with this kind of stuff all the time. Teleportation, different universes. That kind of stuff."
"Different universes?" It wasn't like you didn't know they existed. "You can travel through different universes?"
"Well, ugh...normally I can," he said, whirling around in his chair to face an unseen device on the workbench. "Portal travel's kinda, uh, broken right now."
"Do you think I'm from a different dimension?"
"Well, that depends," he said. "How do you spell the bear books?"
"The bear books--?"
"Beloved childrens' books from the mid 1900s about a family of bears--"
"Oh, the Berenstain Bears."
"Berenstain with an A?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, yep. Shit. You're definitely from a different universe," he concluded. "We spell it with all E's."
"Well how did I get here?" you asked, an edge of panic creeping into your voice.
"Fuck if I know!" he said. "Were you traveling through outer space? Did you touch something sci-fi? Accept a weird gift from a stranger?"
"N-no I was literally just crying," you said, tears prickling in your eyes again. You sighed in frustration, knowing your cheeks were too raw to handle any more emotion.
"Crying."
"Yeah?" Your voice was becoming more unsteady and you clenched your whole body, feeling a zip of very unpleasant energy from your brain to the rest of your nerves. "I-I-I think I've been crying for a couple hours..."
"Whoa, hey, stop, stop," he said urgently. "Don't curl into a ball!"
"Okay," you sobbed, throwing your hands back down onto the cold floor and attempting to sit upright. "You're gonna shoot me again?!"
"No, no, this isn't a gun," he assured, "this is a different device altogether. It measures quantum activity. Now without folding in on yourself. Can you tell me why you're crying so much."
You were more confused than ever, now, but this was the situation. "Uh. Um. Well. I'm dealing with a lot right now. I mean I have been for a while, but today I just feel..."
"That's good, that's good," he said, eyes glued to a screen on the device he had pointed at you. "Wow. Okay, keep going."
"Uh? I just...I feel like my living situation is doing a number on my mental health," you continued, moving toward an edge of the workbench to lean against. "It's so small...my apartment is so small. And it sucks so bad. And it would be worth it if I was even saving money but it's taking up 3/4 of my paycheck." Your voice was cracked and wavering and you shuddered hard. "So I've been looking for a new place but it's s-so...it's so..."
"I get it, the housing market is shit right now," he said. "Fuck landlords, amirite?"
You were able to cough out a chuckle, feeling a little more safe in this odd man's presence. "Um...I dunno. Today it just...a lot got to me. I just found out that an apartment that--ugh." The tears were tumbling down again. "The place I applied for with my friend, was a scam? And uh, both of our applications--they each cost us 50 dollars--like not only did we not get approved because it was fake--" Your breathing quickened again. "And I can't afford to do this again, and again and again, I can't do it I can't--"
"Okay stop stop stop!" He held up a bony hand toward you, still looking at the monitor. You willed your lip to stop quivering, widening your eyes to see through the film of tears. A beam shot out from the device and you weren't sure if you could feel it scanning through your body, or if it was a trick of the mind based on the visual cue. "All ri-hight," he said, grinning widely. "Well the good news is, found out how you got here. Your despair is so intense that you actually ripped a hole in spacetime. Did you wish you were disappeared?"
"Huh?"
"When you had the original breakdown and came here. Did you feel like you wanted to melt into the earth or dissolve into the wind?"
"Yes...I'm confused, are you saying I wished myself here?"
His unibrow lowered into a deadpan expression at this question. "Uh, no, because that would imply you got here via magic, which I have no respect for. No, you got here because your feelings are literally so intense they can warp the fabric of space. Through science. Which I can measure, and replicate."
He took something out of the handheld device and plugged it into the USB port of his laptop.
"Unfortunately, getting you back is gonna be a bit more complex. I have this portal gun that helps me get anywhere I want, but some little as--bruup--asshole decided to fuck that up for everybody. Some-something with the quantrux locator or some shit." He clapped his hands together and sighed. "This friend of yours, how-how well are they doing without you, ya think?"
You wanted to break into hysterics again. "I mean probably fine but I can't just leave them forever without saying--!"
"Shh hey, calm down, I know. I know. The good news is, once this data is finished uploading you'll be able to communicate with them through the internet. The bad news is, still no idea how we're gonna send you back physically."
You looked around the garage, glowing with all types of foreign objects, both constructed and apparently organic. "You can't invent something to--"
"I have a process!" he snapped. "Ugh. Sorry. Knee-jerk reaction, there. My family's been on my ass lately about fixing portal travel. Li-like if it was just that easy I wouldn't have by now."
"Okay, sorry, I get it."
A beat of silence. The progress bar on the laptop read 8%.
"So, um...your family? They live here with you?"
"Yeah, I'm sure you'll meet them in no time. Usually one of them comes bursting in the door about now wondering why it's so loud in here. But they all went to the zoo on Tsaropthian Theta Twelve."
"Are they...um. Nice?"
He let out a strong, singular laugh. "Any of them could tell you I'm definitely the meanest person in the family. Oh, you're prompting me to tell you all about them. I guess it would be good prep for when they get back. Uh, so, I'm Beth's father. She's about, 30, I think? And I cloned her. A couple years ago. So...there's Beth and there's Clone Beth, but I don't know which one's the clone. Neither do they. Or anybody. I did this thing, this mind blowers--anyway. So Beth has a couple kids, that's my grandkids. Summer is, uhh...an age...and Morty is...younger than that. Age. They always beg to go along with me on my errands, dumbasses call it an adventure, hah."
"So wait, is Beth a single mom? Or is she raising them with the clone?"
"Oh, no it's--I forgot about Jerry. Ugh. Jerry's her husband. Almost ex husband until she freaked out about being cloned and thought I was gonna kill her--"
"I can see why you'd be regarded as the meanest person in the family."
"Hey fuck you!"
"I'm--just repeating what you said!"
"Don't try to match my energy, all right? Don't stoop to my level, you're better than that."
"You don't know."
He looked blankly at you for a minute, and you wondered where that had come from. "All right, touche." He glanced at the laptop screen, which now read 11%, but went back down to 9%. "It's gonna be like this for a few hours. Why-why don't I take you out for some ice cream? You like ice cream?"
"Can we get boba?"
This prompted a long, dramatic sigh from Rick, before he stood up and clicked open the garage to reveal a an awkward saucer-style space ship in the driveway. "Yeah. Sure. We can go get some fucking boba. Because the thing I love most in the world about drinks is having to chew them."
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coffeeshib · 2 years
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i remember early in s2 when everyone looked at lena and said “that’s a top” and then this happened
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and then every single fic i’ve ever read since has bottom lena with a praise kink. and i think that’s beautiful.
OH MY GOD...... wasn't prepared at all to perceive this image. you are so right though!!!
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There's a part two of that brocedes little story. Basically, nico was told about what lewis said when he was commenting with jenson and damon and he looked happy and said he took that as a compliment. And jenson said that lewis had some intelligent teammates. And then he had nico. I heard it from one of my mutuals, i believe someone can confirm it?
*curls up into a ball and hysterically starts sobbing* don't touch me.
Is this it?! Is this the tiny microscopic step Lewis needs to take to finally start mendinf fences?!!!!! *screams* I'm gonna pass out now bye.
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sophialikesthings · 3 years
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Song-No Body,No Crime-Taylor Swift
Numb. the deprivation of feelings or emotions.
That's what I was standing in that field moments after I witnessed what happened.
"Come on, We should go." JJ rubbed my back.
"We don't have a car, dumbass." Kiara insulted him.
"We can hide out in the hanger." Pope pointed
We carefully scanned the room making sure nobody else was there.
I just went to a corner and curled myself up into a ball and sat there, questioning my sanity for still loving him.
"There goes the gold!" JJ looked up at the plane that just took off.
"Fuck!" Pope yelled, throwing something he found at the wall. He grabbed anything he could carry and threw it all, things were thrown all over, shattered glass carpeting the floor.
"I need to go see him." I got up.
"What? Demi are you insane?" JJ asked.
"I am because I still love him and I don't know how to stop." I broke down again.
"I'm scared that if I leave him, That will happen to me."
===
"Demi, I don't think it's a good time right now." Rose opened the door.
"Rose, I know what happened, and you and I both know he needs me right now. So please, let me see him."
"He is in the den." She let me inside.
"What are you doing here?" Ward asked as he vigorously washed his hands trying to get her blood off of them.
"I came to see Rafe, I- I know what happened Mr.Cameron, and I promise I won't tell a soul." I put on my fake face.
"So can I see him?"
"Yes, he is in the den." He pointed at the door.
I carefully opened the door and saw a distressed Rafe contemplating on the couch.
"D-Demi." he got up.
"I saw what happened, I wanted to say goodbye to Sarah and when I got there you shot her."
"I was protecting my father, I was protecting our future!" He paced.
"Calm down!" I pulled his arm towards me. "Rafe...you have done some of the most horrendous things to me and somehow I always go back to you, I don't know why? But I do."
"Don't say that. I do what I think will protect you." He hugged me.
"Mind if I come in?" Ward asked.
"I'll go." I was about to get up.
"No, no Demi stay," Rafe asked. "Is she alive?"
Ward shook his head causing Rafe to sink into me.
"What did you tell the cops? Are they coming here?"
"I told them John B did it." Ward walked over to his desk.
"Demi, I need you to take him up to his room, get him all cleaned up." He told me " take a shower change your clothes. If anybody asked you were working all day, doin' maintenance on the druthers."
"No, Rose knows I wasn't here."
"I will talk to Rose, okay?"
"Come on." I got up and took Rafes' hand.
===
"I was protecting him." Rafe continued to tell me.
"I know, can you take your shirt off, please you need to shower." I turned the water on.
"Will you join me?" He asked.
"Rafe."
"Please, I just don't want to be left alone, because If I am, I'm scared I might do something."
"Fine."
===
"I'm gonna go check in on Wheezie, I'll be back in a minute." I got up
"Hey, wheeze."
"Hey, did you come to ignore me too?" She asked looking up from her phone
"No, but I did come to hang out with you." I got a text.
JJ
I am sorry for nagging you about staying
with Rafe, I understand you are just trying to
keep your loved ones safe
Demi
Yeah, I was trying to keep you safe.
"Who are you texting?" Wheezie asked piercing over my shoulder.
"Huh? Oh, just Topper."
"Well, I'm tired, you can stay if you'd like, or you can go bang my brother." She nonchalantly said lying down.
"Whoa! What?" She caught me off guard.
"You know what I mean, you and my brother bang, like constantly."
"You know wheeze, sometimes I wish we didn't." I lied down next to her. "I mean, I feel like it adds unneeded pressure to our relationship."
"For what it's worth, you have really nice glute muscles." She made me laugh.
"I love you wheeze." I tossed my arm over her, hugging her.
"I love you too, you are like another cool sibling."
We both drifted to sleep.
===
"Do you hear that?" I got woken up by Wheezie.
"Huh?"
I heard Rafe in the other room muttering to himself. I got up and went to check on him, Wheezie behind me.
"Hey, What are you doin'?" I walked over to him, placing a kiss on his bicep where my face stood due to our height difference of almost afoot.
"Tossin' this crap." He threw a bunched-up pile of shirts into a worn-out backpack.
"Isn't this where John B was staying?" I questioned
"Yeah, well, I don't think he's gonna be by anytime soon to pick it up, so--"
"Why?" Wheezie interrogated.
"Did you say why?" He looked at her, confused.
"Didn't Dad tell you?"
"He doesn't tell me anything, so." She sighed, propping her head up on her hands.
"Um... so, John B... Killed Sheriff Peterkin." He acted sad.
"What?"
"Yeah." He tried to get her to believe him.
"Are you smiling right now? I'm not joking. Like, this isn't a game. I don't--"
Wheezie looked away as if she was bored of the story Rafe was telling her.
He slapped the bedpost almost hitting her face, causing both of us to wince out of fear.
"Hey, calm down." I pulled him back slightly.
"I don't know why you're smiling, okay? Look at me. I saw it with my own two eyes." He lied.
It hurt me, to know that I would have to lie to Wheezie. It made me sick just how easy Rafe could lie to anyone, doubts now filling my mind with everything he's ever said to me.
"He shot her, and then you know what he did?"
I snapped back into the conversation.
"He tried to shoot dad, but you know what? I stepped in and I stopped him, I saved Dad."
"Why would John B want to kill dad?" She questioned his story.
"Because um... he thinks dad killed his father."
My eyes widened as if Rafe heard the conversation I had with John B.
"Rafe, do you want to come over to my house, Taylor, Kelce, and Top will be there?" I tried to stop the conversation.
"I can't right now, I have to help my dad with the police reports." He kissed me, walking out of the room.
"Okay, well I'm headed home Wheeze, give me a call if you need me." I hugged her goodbye.
===
That Night
===
"I hate it. I'm in a toxic cycle I can't break free from." I groaned, dumping all my life issues on Taylor as usual.
"Welcome to being a Kook, Your parents stick you into toxic relationships, ask you to make babies, then dump your ass at a mansion and the cycle repeats." She took a swig of rum.
"Taylor, I love-" I got interrupted by the boys running past my room. I heard the laundry room door shut and Topper and Kelce forcefully holding it closed.
"What's going on? Who's in there?" I walked out into the hallway.
"Please just--just let me out." I heard John B.
"Are you two insane! Let him out!" I demanded, trying to get past them.
"Word on the street bro, you are worth 25k, dead or alive." Kelce shouted.
"Kelce, stop." Taylor asked, pulling him back so I could go up to the door, next to Topper.
"I'm gonna go get the cops, don't let him out." Taylor and Kelce walked away.
"John B, It's Topper." He started.
"Hey Top, It's John B." I could hear him panic.
"You gonna try to talk your way out?" Topper chuckled.
"Let him go, He's innocent." I tried to push him out of my way.
"Just cut the bull shit. Alright?" He ignored me.
"I didn't shoot the Sheriff, All right? Rafe did. Sarah was there. She saw the whole thing, Demi saw it too."
"Oh! It was Rafe! My bad." He rolled his eyes.
"Look Man, I know you don't believe me and honestly, I probably wouldn't believe myself either, but... I-- I get it, you hate me because of Sarah." He tried to talk to him.
"You knew we were boyfriend and girlfriend, right?"
I could hear the sirens in the distance as the tension built up.
"Let him go! Please." I started crying.
"And, um, I -- I got another question." he leaned against the door that was being held shut by a chair. "Did you fuck her."
"Topper!" I hit the back of his head, my strength not enough to make him flinch.
"Yes or no John B."
"Ok-- Uh yes." He said. "We did it...once. Okay? But don't use the f-word. That's kind of gross." He spoke trying to get Topper to understand him.
Suddenly we heard the police sirens from outside.
"Alright John B! It's Sheriff Thornton out here. We got you surrounded. We don't need anymore blood shed." My dad yelled into his megaphone
"Topper, Topper please, I am begging you to let him go." At this point I was hysterical, my eyes burnt from the many tears streaming down my face.
The sound of heavy footsteps got closer as they ran up the porch stairs.
"We're back here dad!" Topper yelled.
"Please!" I whispered.
"No mercy Dad." He took me outside with him.
"Damn it!" He slipped through the vents!" I heard my dad yell, easing my worry.
"Do not put your hands on me!" I screamed as Topper held me in front of him, pushing me outside.
"Demi! He is dangerous! I am protecting you, you are my little sister and I don't want you to get hurt."
"The only thing I need protecting from is this family! You make them out to be the villains when really it's you, and everybody else on this side of the island.
As everyone was spreading out searching for him Sarah rode up to me on her bike.
"I'm having everyone meet at the church. Be there in an hour, I think the others have a plan." She quietly whispered.
===
The Church Bell went off 3 times before I ran in there.
"What are you doing!" I stopped him.
"Demi, Sarah, I warned you about these pogues!" Topper held his hands up in defence.
"He's innocent." Sarah sobbed.
"Then who did it?" Topper asked.
"Rafe! Rafe shot Sheriff Peterkin, I saw him." I finally spoke up. I could feel my eyes starting to water again.
"What are you talking about?" he didn't believe me
"Sarah, we gotta go!" John B noticed all the police starting to gather outside.
"Sarah, You realize I'm the one that loves you." Topper Repeated, telling Sarah this many times before.
"I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry," She apologized "But this isn't about you."
"Hey we've gotta go." John B broke up their conversation.
"You go, I'll take care of him." I took my helpless blubbering brother into my arms
"Let me make it up to you." Topper laid out his plan, Sarah and I swapped clothes. Quickly,
"Y'all smell smoke?" I asked.
"Holy shit, go." Sarah looked down the ladder to see the bright light from the fire.
Topper and I headed out of the church with our hands in the air acting as if we were John B and Sarah.
"GET DOWN." The cops were yelling at us.
"Hol-Hold shoot, those are my kids." My dad commanded the others to put the guns down.
"Demitria and Topper, What the hell were you two thinking!?" He snarled.
"I- I don't know what happened dad, I'm sorry for causing trouble." Topper apologized "They went that way." I pointed in the opposite direction.
"Are you alright? Do you need a medic?" Topper asked me.
"I'm ok, I just burned my calf, that's all." I hissed as the wind blew causing my leg to sting.
"Demi! Dem, I- I didn't mean for this to happen!" Rafe ran over to me.
"Of course you did this!" I started limping away.
"Demi, I never meant to hurt you."
"How's that turning out?"
=== Ahhhhh late post but... The final chapter of part one is tomorrow and I am actually almost done with part two!
Feedback is appreciated!
Messages are always open!
Thankful for you all
also I need someone to help me pick an ending... so If you want to help me out just message me 😊
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puckyess · 4 years
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I Hope | Roman Ahcan
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Based on the song I Hope // Gabby Barret. I hope you like it!
*** FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED ***
Words: 4.6k
“I hope you both feel the sparks by the end of the drive I hope you know she's the one by the end of the night I hope you never ever felt more free Tell your friends that you're so happy I hope she comes along and wrecks every one of your plans I hope you spend your last dime to put a rock on her hand I hope she's wilder than your wildest dreams She's everything you're ever gonna need And then I hope she cheats Like you did on me”
One year ago
Your world had been shattered in the matter of 30 seconds and one message. Your boyfriend, well soon to be ex, was lip locked with a girl who was not his girlfriend, a girl who was not you. And you had the evidence in the form of a very high quality picture sitting in your hands. Just like that, your sanity was gone and insecurity took its place.
You manically paced the floor of your apartment, hysterical little laughs exploding from you every time you thought about the man who you had thought was your future. It was like you couldn’t even process the information right in front of your eyes. The person in that picture, with his hands on her waist was not your boyfriend. Your boyfriend would never do that to you. And yet the picture said otherwise, with his hat on backwards, the ends of his hair curling up just so- the way you liked, the gleam of his silver chain visible as it peaked out from his white shirt that you had bought him, and the corner of his mouth turned up through the kiss in his signature smirk. You knew exactly how his lips would feel in that moment, if it had been you in that picture. But it wasn’t.
The phrase that echoed through your head is what had you almost on your knees, begging for this to be some cruel joke. It bounced around in your head, traveled through your body, sank into your bones, and broke your heart. Your boyfriend just cheated on you. Your boyfriend was is cheating on you. Your boyfriend had been cheating on you. The tears still didn’t come, they prickled the back of your eyes but you couldn’t manage to force them to spill out. You couldn't even get your body to function properly right now. Your mind had other things to worry about besides silly things like tears. Tears wouldn’t undo the pain that he had just inflicted.
You thought about every moment that had transpired between the two of you over the past - what you had thought was a glorious year and a half- and questioned which of those he had pictured with her instead. Every morning you had woken up beside him, a small smile on his still sleeping lips, was he dreaming of her? Every time his eyes slipped closed when your fingers tangled in his hair, was he thinking of her hands? Every time he had stormed out of your place after a fight, had he gone to her place instead? Every little hideaway he had shown you, had he shown her too? What about the parts of him that you thought he had shared with only you? Did she know Roman the same way you thought you had. You had given yourself to him in more ways than one and as it turns out he had given himself to more than just you. The realization is enough to make you fall to the floor, skipping the tears altogether and instead indulging in ugly, body wrenching sobs.
This is how he finds you hours later, collapsed on the floor. He’s instantly worried, moving to check on you. “Y/N, Baby are you okay? What’s going on? Talk to me sweetie” he coos as he goes to pick you up off the floor. But he freezes just as quickly as he had started toward you when he sees the picture displayed on your phone on the floor. 
At some point during the night, your body and mind had gone numb. So much so, that it was scaring you. You had never felt this empty. You needed to feel something, even if it was pain and the picture did the trick. So you had found the message Owen had sent you and tortured yourself to remind yourself that the boy who was coming home to you tonight, didn’t always come home to just you. He did not belong in your life. It was effective enough, keeping you anchored on the floor in the middle of the living room long enough for him to see some of the damage he had caused.
“Y/N...I - I can explain” he tries, swallowing hard.
You move yourself to a seated position, the best you can manage at this point, as you decide which question you want to hurl at him first. Even though you want to ask “do you love me?” The answer is clear as day with what he has done. Actions speak louder than words, right?
So you settle on, “Was this the first time?”. And even this one, you think you know the answer to as well. But you give him the benefit of the doubt and ask anyway.
You can see the wheels turning in his head, the beautiful Madison lights casting his face in a glow that hours ago you would’ve made him stand frozen in place to capture on camera.
Now however, you wanted nothing more than to escape the moment. “Now, Roman. I’m not asking again”, you bark at him.
He flinches and the small action hurts your heart still even though he had already destroyed it. You never raised your voice at him.
“No”, he decides he should be honest, for the first time in a while.
You nod, accepting the dagger to your heart. “How long?”
He grimaces at your question. “How long have you been with her?” You repeat.
He tries to dance around the question, “I’m sorry, Y/N, I know I fucked up, but we haven’t really been the same for a while now..”
“That’s bullshit and you know it, Roman. How long? You can’t possibly be worried about hurting my feelings at this point so just spit it out”.
He hates that you’re right. Why wasn’t he just telling it to you straight? He’d already hurt you and he knew that, but doing things behind your back, especially when he swore each time was the last, was different from hurting you when he was standing right in front of you and could see the pain in your eyes and hear it in your voice.
“Four months” he finally tells you.
You let out a bitter laugh as you think back to your life four months ago and it registers which night it probably was. “Oh you mean the night we went to that women’s soccer party and had that huge blowout because I didn’t like how you were flirting with every girl there, including Owen’s girlfriend by the way, and you flipped out on me and called me insecure, swearing you were ‘just friends’ with those girls and ‘would never do that to me’ and ‘how dare I question your loyalty’?”
He hangs his head, having completely forgotten about the fight you two had gotten into that night, screaming at each other in the street. It was your first big fight. You had cried half the night in your room, not letting him in. He had sat on the couch listening to your quiet sobs for a while, but instead of waiting to comfort and reassure you, he had left and gone back to the party.
“I went back” he admits.
“And then you still had the balls to meet me for brunch and let me apologize all over myself the very next morning, classy Roman. What, did you come straight from her place?”
The way he won’t meet your gaze still tells you everything you need to know and you couldn’t have felt more like a fool.
You’re angry now though as you push yourself up from the floor. Out of instinct Roman moves to help you stand. The look you give him though makes him recoil and snatch his hand back. You park yourself in a chair and gesture for him to do the same. He’s confused at your shift in mood but does as he’s told and takes a seat on the couch.
“So what’s her name?”
He's still confused but answers your question anyway, a simple one thank god.
“What’s she like? What drew you to her? What makes her special?” You gush, leaning forward with your legs crossed an arm propping up your head.
“Come on, Y/N…” he says, not really knowing what else to say. Did you really want to know?
“Nope, you don’t make the rules anymore. You gave that up four months ago. I want to know what it is about her that’s better than me”, you push. And you really do. What does this girl have that you don’t.
And so you sit and listen to your boyfriend tell you all about the girl he’s been seeing since four months ago. You listen good and hard, letting every word cut you deep. They both felt the sparks, she came right up to him and made her intentions known, apparently while you were helping his teammate clean up after wiping out on the stairs. She was confident. She had a reputation, but he saw past it. He always did see the good in everyone, you say to yourself shaking your head. She had a past and apparently he was her future just as he had been yours. Once your ears were so full of her and he was taking it almost too far, telling you about how he knew she was the one by the end of the night, you switched gears yet again, needing to feel something other than pathetic.
“So you obviously fucked her I'm assuming?” You question him with an eyebrow raised.
He shifts in his seat. The blunt question a complete contrast to the sweet nothings you had previously asked about.
“I..-Er. Uhhh.” Hes stumbling over his words, flustered.
“Well if you’ve been seeing her for four months, you have to be fucking right? It’s not like you to keep it in your pants that long, is it? Hell, you had me bent over for you the first night we met”. Referencing his past was a low blow and you could see that at the hurt that flashes across his face, but none of it was a lie and at this point he deserved it. He’d played right into his own reputation, after all.
“That’s not fair, Y/N. But to answer your question, if you must know, then yes, I am fucking her” he says and there’s bite to his words.
You snort in response, “Not fair? Not fair is thinking the man you’ve given heart to would respect it and love it back and then getting completely fucked over and him acting like everything is fine for four months. That’s not fair, but nice try, it was cute”
It was like he completely forgot that he was the one on trial here, that he was the one who royally fucked you over and he had the audacity to play victim and claim your comment was “unfair”.
“So how good is she in bed? On a scale of 1-10? Does she make you see stars every time you cum? Does she make you say her name like a prayer and make you beg for it to the point where it’s the only words you know?” You push forward, wanting to make him squirm.
You were making him uncomfortable, this much was clear as the heat rose to his cheeks and he changes positions on the coach three times before swallowing hard and speaking. “Why are you doing this? Why do you want to know this stuff?” He pleads.
Refusing to back down, you ignore his question. “Oh come on, baby. I know you love to talk dirty. What’s the problem now?” You say in a patronizing voice.
He still gives you an unsure look. “It’s just. I don’t know, doesn’t it bother you? I don’t know what difference it makes”.
You laugh then, both at his choice of words, and at his sudden consideration of your feelings. “Bother” is used for something small like a fly, not hearing the sex details of your boyfriend’s mistress and he had already cheated and lied for four months, it was a little late for your feelings.
“If you’re ‘’man’ enough to cheat on me and fuck some other girl then you can be ‘man’ enough to sit across from me and spill every juicy detail” you spit at him.
He doesn’t even know why he questions you, he should be doing everything you ask and groveling at your feet right now. Actually he does know, he still cares about you even though he hasn’t shown it. He doesn’t want to watch as his words rip you apart piece by piece. He doesn’t want to watch as you fall apart in front of him or hear the way you wail his name and then tell him to keep going. He hates the way you’re wiping at your tears with your own hands and even more, that he’s the one causing them. He can’t hold you or comfort you, he can only keep killing you with his words. He swears you’re going to kill him yourself, as eventually white hot anger takes over your features. You swear at him and yell, but it’s nothing compared to the look that follows it. It absolutely terrifies him when there’s no expression on your face at all. No pain, no sadness, no anger, no emotion whatsoever. That’s when he knows he’s lost you and for good. You stare right past him and say “We’re done here. I think you should go”.
There’s no look of recognition for the boy in front of you as you walk him to the door, as you really don’t know who he is anymore. And there’s no sentiment in your voice as you tell him “I hope she cheats like you did on me”, shutting the door on him.
Present
It was 2 am on a Friday, technically Saturday, when you thought you’d heard a knock on your door. Your sleep schedule was messed up and you were still awake watching reruns of Friends. Whoever it was knocked again but you weren’t expecting any visitors, especially at this hour so you grab the hockey stick from under your bed and slowly creep toward the door. The person was now banging repeatedly and your heart matched every thump. You cursed yourself for not taking your dad up on his offer to install a peep hole last week, swearing you could do it yourself and then not having had time to do it yet. It really would’ve come in handy right now. There’s a pause in the knocking and so holding your breath you swing open the door, stick in hand.
Standing on the other side is someone you haven’t seen in over a year, but he still takes your breath away like the very first time. “Roman”, you breathe out. At hearing his name, he turns your way, a nervous hand rubbing at the back of his neck, a habit he never could shake. 
You take a moment to take each other in, the subtle differences that happen from a year’s time. He looks tired, there’s bags under his eyes, but good all the same. His hair is a bit longer and he’s started growing light facial hair along his jawline. His shoulders are somehow broader. You’d bet his thighs were thicker too, you couldn’t tell for sure, but he seemed to fill out the grey sweats he was wearing more than you last remembered. You bit your lip as those were some of your favorites and you had told him so many times when you were together. His skin still held some of that summer tan and in an instant, all the feelings you had for him were flooding back.
He took in your appearance as well. He didn’t even question the hockey stick in your hand, he was too focused on the rest of you. Even in just a big T-shirt, you still took his breath away. It wasn't his, but it was one of the newer hockey ones the team had just gotten and he wondered who had given theirs to you. He made a mental note to question it at practice that week. He had fucked up over a year ago, he knew that now. Your hair was lighter and the spatter of freckles across your cheeks and nose was a little more filled in now. Your bare legs looked more toned. He couldn’t help but wonder how they’d feel wrapped around his waist. 
Watching his stare travel down your body you suddenly felt self conscious, having not had him look at you like that in so long. You cleared your throat and his eyes snapped back up to your puzzled face. “What’re you doing here Roman?”
“I know I’m probably the last person you expected to see, Y/N”, you nodded in confirmation “and probably the last person you wanted to see”, he says with a sheepish smile.
You shrug, “I hadn’t really been expecting to see anyone at all. It’s like 2 in the morning?”
He nods, knowing it’s absurd that he’s here. “I have no right to ask this of you, but can I come in?”
You blink in surprise at his request, heavily weighing what letting him in will lead to in the long run vs closing the door in his face. He’s subtly trying to peer around you, praying that he’s not interrupting something and you don’t already have company.
Following your still bruised heart and not your head, you step aside and let him into your apartment. Even though it’s been so long, he doesn’t look one bit out of place in your space.
Just as he took in the slight changes in your appearance, he took in the slight adjustments you had made to your apartment. You had rearranged the furniture, even getting a new couch. Gone was the one where he had ripped your heart out over a year ago and in its place, a new black sectional. Good riddance he thought. You had changed the canvases that were on the wall, but left the Wisco tapestry that was the background of so many of his pictures. The counters were clean and the place itself looked less cluttered without all of his hockey stuff laying all over the place. There was a still a Badgers hoodie thrown over the chair in the corner, one that he could’ve sworn Lindy had been asking about at practice the other day and he spied Lex’s ugly hot pink charger plugged in over by the couch, a pair of Cole’s Jack Hughes slides by the door. He was glad the boys hadn’t abandoned you when he did.
You had put away the pictures of the two of you that used to sit on the side table and scatter the fridge, but you had left a singular picture up of you and him with some of the team from your first Fourth of July together. His arm was around your waist, pulling you into his side. The boys’ arms were thrown around your shoulders. Your head was thrown back with laughter and there was a beaming smile plastered on his face that never seemed to leave when he was around you. He almost got choked up staring at the picture. He just wished he could go back in time.
“I couldn’t bring myself to take that one down.” You spoke up from behind him. “I know we ended on bad terms, but we had some damn good times”. There was sadness in your voice, but a hint of something else too. Maybe forgiveness? Acceptance?
Putting the picture back, he agrees with you. “We did, didn’t we? That’s kind of the reason I’m here”.
You suck in a breath. “Roman I’ve worked hard to put all that behind me. I really don’t want to dredge it back up again. Especially after so long…” you were over the situation. It still hurt like hell and he had broken you beyond what you had thought you could repair, but you had picked yourself up and were stronger now than ever. That night wasn’t something you thought about much at all anymore, but you knew he could change that in an instant.
“No, no, no! That’s not what I’m here for at all, not really anyways”, he says quickly.
“Then what are you here for?” You ask, nervously chewing on your lip.
He looks around like he doesn’t really want to get to the point. You surprise yourself and pat the spot next to you on the couch. He gives you the same look you inwardly give yourself, but can’t fight it as his body leads him to you. He’s careful not to sit too close but he’s still close enough to make your heart race.
“Do you remember what your last words to me were?” He asks.
Of course you remembered. They chorused through your head for the weeks to come. They were harsh, but you’d meant them.
“I hope she cheats like you did on me”.
“Is it ok for me to talk about her with you? We’re over if that makes you feel better about it” he asks.
Were you ready to hear whatever it is he was about to tell you? You’d never know if you didn’t let him continue. You did note, too that he was no longer with her.
“You’re already here on my couch, Ro. Might as well get out whatever it is you came here to say”.
His heart flutters at your use of his nickname. He had refused to let any of the guys call him that because it reminded him of you. He hadn’t heard it in so long, it felt so good he almost forgot what he was here to do. 
“I don’t even know where to start. I guess maybe with that I really thought she was it, I didn’t leave you for some fling I really thought I was in love..she was...she was wilder than my wildest dreams. I felt everything you’re supposed to feel, the sparks, that happy, free feeling. & I’m so sorry if any of this hurts you to hear, just tell me to stop ok?” He asked softly.
You nodded, you’d already told yourself every hurtful thing in the book, hearing it from him shouldn’t be much different. You urged him on. “I was in so deep with her, I didn’t know up from down, wrong from right. I’d call her in the middle of the highway drive home from roadies with a huge smile on my face and in a blur I’d be home, time just wasn’t a thing when I talked to her, I’d hear a song and start singing along thinking about her. I’d tell all the guys I was so happy. I think they could kind of see through the whole thing though”.
You raised your eyebrows at that and he looked over at you. “They’re big fans of yours, you know. They had their suspicions about this girl from the getgo. They knew it wasn’t real like it was with you. They could see it wouldn’t last like I thought it would. Hell, I thought she was everything I was ever gonna need. She wrecked every single one of my plans. My plans for my future, I was ready to call it quits on hockey after this year and move out to Texas with her. Wrecked my plans with you, in every way...I am so sorry”.
You and Roman used to stay up all night talking about those plans. Hearing him mention them again, even in this context had you wishing that they were all still a possibility, the little lake house in Minnesota and mini Romans running around while he lived out his hockey dream. You would’ve done anything to give that life to him.
He pulls you from your thoughts when he continues, “ I thought I had it all figured out. I had even bookmarked the ring she kept showing me, even though it would’ve cost me my last dime”.
Your heart breaks as he says this, knowing how he felt about marriage. He didn’t really care about the ceremony, he’d get married in a courthouse or at Vegas for all he cared. He only wanted you by his side, well at the time anyway. To know that he had gotten that far with her, brought up every feeling from that night and you knew that this was a very bad idea to have him here, in your place, on your couch so close to you. You began to pull away from him, but he didn’t notice. His head was leaned against the top of the couch, his eyes trained on the ceiling.
“And then at 2 am I’m flipping through snap and I get one from her friend. She’s hanging all over some guy. I’m obviously pissed but I couldn’t get mad at her for just having her arms around him right? But then the next one is her with her tongue down his throat.”
You’re silent next to him, tracing patterns on the blanket on your lap, knowing the situation all too well. He wants to reach over and touch you but he resists, needing to finish his story first.
“I stayed up all night, waiting for her to come home. I was literally pacing by the door for hours. She never did come home though. I suppose you can guess where she was and what she was doing. She didn’t even bother to call until the next day, I’d had my phone in my hand the whole night thinking she’d call. I’d never felt more pathetic. Not even after that 9-1 loss last season,” he tries to joke, but you can tell he’s serious.
“That was a pretty bad game…” you acknowledged, giving him a small smile.
He chuckles at your efforts and he’s hit once again with how much he’s missed you.
The way he’s looking at you is one you’ve seen many times before. It’s a look that tells you he’s about to do something you don’t know that you’re ready for, even if you want to be, so you try to keep him on track. “So what did she say when she finally called?”
He’s broken from his trance and clears his throat, letting his head roll back to face the ceiling again. “That she was wasted and had no idea what she was doing. Didn’t even remember it apparently.”
Your brows furrowed together as you tried to follow what he was saying. “But how did she know to call you about it then?”
“Exactly. I hadn’t even left any voicemails or messages or anything. I hadn’t known what to say at the time. I didn’t want it to be over yet you know?”
And you did know. You and Roman were supposed to last forever and you were prepared for that, you wanted that. You were more prepared for forever than you were for having your time with him cut short.
“So I told her it was okay. That I forgave her and maybe it was my fault too. I should’ve gone out with her that night like she had wanted. We agreed that we needed to start new again, so I took her out on another first date and when we kissed, sparks flew all over again. I was just as deep, thinking she was still the one by the end of the night. And then she cheated three weeks later again. Apparently it had been everytime I left town, for months. I felt like such an idiot. I questioned every interaction we’d ever had. She fucked with my head”.
She had made him feel the same way about her that you had felt about him, that you feel about him and then she’d made him feel exactly how he’d made you feel when he cheated on you. You had been listening intently, but your eyes were trained on your hand that was still tracing patterns on the blanket on your lap. Your tracing is paused however when he grabs your hand in his and uses his finger to tip your chin up to look in his eyes. It’s the first time he’s touched you all night and you’d be lying if it didn’t ignite a fire inside of you and put butterflies in your stomach.
“I am so beyond sorry for what I did to you and for what I put you through. I’ll never forgive myself for throwing away what we had and lying about it time after time. I don’t deserve forgiveness for that, especially from you. I’m sorry that it took her cheating on me to understand the level of hurt that I had caused you. I betrayed you in the worst way, in every way really. You didn’t deserve that and I’m so so sorry for hurting you”. The playful smirk that normally finds itself present on his face is nowhere to be seen as his eyes bore into your soul and his voice sends shivers down your spine with how much conviction is behind the words he just spoke.
“I wanted her to wreck you”, you honestly tell him, your voice practically a whisper. Anything louder and he might’ve picked up on the way your voice broke at the end. With one visit he had practically undone a years worth of work. You wanted him, and you wanted him bad. You could forgive him, you already had, but you could never trust him the same.
Unlike the last time he had seen you, when you stared right through him; this time your face was full of so many emotions. It was so close to his. It would take him a handful of inches to close the distance between your lips and his. It was hard for him to think straight.
“I know babygirl, and I deserved it. I really did. I didn’t come here tonight to try and ruin the life you’ve built for yourself without me in it. I won’t try to earn your love back if you don’t want me to, I know I owe you that much at least. I just came to tell you how sorry I was for putting you through all that I did. I understand that now. But hey, you got what you wanted”, he says with a sad smile.
And there it was. That damn nickname that had your resolve melting on the spot. He had good intentions, coming here and you did still feel for him, your heart hurt at the hurt he had gone through, but he never would’ve had to experience that had he not cheated. As much as you wanted him back, you couldn’t go through that again.
“I forgive you, Ro, I really do. It’s the forgetting that’s the hard part. I can forgive, but I can’t forget”.
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