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#sober angel dust
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husk can’t cook for shit but he makes drinks like no one’s business. obviously this is part of the course for a bartender, of course he knows how to make drinks, but you can only make so many martinis and old fashioneds before it starts feeling old and boring and monotonous- so husk gets experimental with his cocktails, just for fun, and uses angel as a test dummy. some drinks are hits, some are misses, some are almost there and just need tweaking, and angel is more than happy to provide feedback
and angel, who is an amazing cook, does the same with husk. he does a lot of traditional italian meals, but again, you can only have the same eight pasta dishes so many times before it just gets bland and frustrating. so angel tries new recipes and tries to come up with his own spins on stuff, and even branches out into other cultural dishes. he doesn’t have a lot of time outside of work, but as he starts clubbing less and less, he starts cooking more and more- and he and husk can usually be found in the hotel kitchen late at night.
once they’re officially a couple, most of their date nights include husk sitting on the counter while angel cooks a good dinner and once it’s done they move to the bar, where husk makes special drinks for the two of them. it’s domestic and quiet and so very needed- a calm and relaxed getaway from the chaos that is hell. all they need is each other, and they’re good to go.
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glittter-skeleton · 1 month
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Had an idea
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From this
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warmrainplease · 25 days
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Feel like we haven’t talked about the existential horror of waking up in hell after death enough.
You wake up in a new body, with claws and fangs and even things like extra arms and only one eye, you’ve become a monster.
And while you’re coping with the fact that your body has been contorted and disfigured into something hellish and completely unrecognizable to you, you realize you don’t recognize fucking anything.
And you’re surrounded by demons. By imps and hellhounds and monstrous creature that fight and die and get drunk off their asses in broad daylight.
You’ve become a monster and you’re surrounded by monsters and you have absolutely no fucking clue where you are or what to do next and once you put the pieces together (you died, this must be hell) you realize that nobody, absolutely nobody, is going to help you.
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Angel's type is pan men who are mean to him and use his need for validation and affection to manipulate him into doing what they think is "right"
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cxdemistake · 1 month
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@do-these-eyes-look-human continued
Angel sputters as Husk’s wing hits him in the face. He’s had way too much to drink, that’s for sure. He pouts, leveling Husk with a sad stare.
“But Huuusk, I wanna touch your earssss! I’ll be gentle this time— promise!”
He sounds more like a child than anything now. God, he’ll hate himself in the morning.
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cold-inferno · 1 month
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You're all terrible influences
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shootinwebs · 4 days
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i mean i make jokes about angel being pregnant with crunchwrap supremes and about his IUD being autographed by asmodeus but if he did actually get pregnant it would be the most horrible thing ever for several reasons
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roseykat · 5 months
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KINKTOBER DAY 14
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TITLE: Some things are better left unknown
PAIRINGS: Bang Chan x Felix x reader
WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSFW SKZ related content and I know I won't be able to regulate every single interaction with those posts so please do not engage with my work or page whatsoever.
SUMMARY: a threesome with Chanlix where you’re yet to discover a very sobering truth about the pair of them.
TAGS: explicit language, threesome, oral sex (f!reader receiving), porn with plot, use of the name 'baby girl' and 'angel', swearing, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex but protected anal sex, double penetration, big dick!Chan agenda, praise, slight body worship if you squint, kissing/making out.
A/N: Aussie line fucks hard, bye. (If there are mistakes, I will fix them. Currently running on v low sleep)
KINKTOBER23 - MASTERLIST
TAGLIST: @mal-lunar-28 @luneskies @queenmea604 @kibs-and-bits @kbitties @aaasia111 @fairy-lixie @dreamingaboutjisung
-
Milk, nori, rice, raw tuna, coffee, yoghurt, bread, and eggs. 
This was all Chan sent you to the supermarket for. All of which could have been easily picked up from the convenience store down the road. Maybe minus the raw tuna which has to be high grade since Chan wanted to make an attempt at onigiri for the first time. However, you would’ve saved an entire trip to the busy supermarket.
Not to mention, grocery shopping sucks in general. At least that is when you’re on your own. In your apartment that you share with your good friends Chan and Felix, two people are responsible for the shopping per week which rotates each time. 
If you’re with Felix, sometimes you both tend to muck around. Not to mention forgetting almost a quarter of things on the shopping list which ends in a stern lecture from Chan. On that matter, if you’re with Chan, it’s an in-and-out task at the store in less than ten minutes. 
Efficient and practically timeless.
Even though it’s no trivial matter, you manage to get through the pointless shopping before heading home to the apartment. These could’ve been picked up at the convenience store, you think to yourself again. A sigh leaves your lips as you unlock the door, bumping it open further with your hip as you slide your shoes off. 
“I’m back. Remind me to buy an umbrella next time-”
Your body freezes on the spot. The bag of items falls from your possession, collapsing onto the floor. Something inside it broke but it’s nowhere near enough a distraction for what is in front of your eyes. 
Maybe you need your vision checked because if your eyes weren’t deceiving you, then you wouldn’t have just seen Chan and a topless Felix who are both making out. The two of them sat on the edge of the bed, still lip-locked until they caught onto your presence.  
For the few seconds you stood there, rooted to the ground, felt the absolute longest.
Neither of them was as internally panicked as you when they noticed you standing there. Nor did they have hundreds of questions zapping around their brains in the span of a few seconds. It was like your entire vocabulary had turned to dust and were blown away because there were no words to describe what the hell was happening. 
Maybe it was a dream. 
“T-That was quick,” Chan stammers with an awkward chuckle, breaking away from Felix, almost pretending like nothing just happened. 
Felix looked like a complete mess. Dark brown hair mangled - clearly from Chan either running his fingers through it or tugging it - the air gets stuck in your throat with those two theories in mind, painting very interesting visuals and an odd sensation in your stomach. 
Chan looked equally dishevelled. There’s a dark red splotch peeking above his collarbone that you had no trouble guessing how it got there. On top of that, his pants were already half undone, and his lips were bitten red and wet, and they both looked so…so…
“What…the fuck…” you manage to speak once your mind has cleared the only one per cent of its capacity to grasp the circumstances.
“It’s not what it looks like,” Felix quickly says as he stands up from Chan’s lap and walks over to you.
It was useless for him to try to take advantage of your shell-shocked state because once your surprise had completely thawed out, your words started coming back to you. 
“Oh my god, what am I even doing?” You ask, clamping your hands over your eyes, ready to head right back out of the apartment. “I’m heading out.”
“Wait!” Chan calls out, arm outstretched towards your direction. “You don’t…you don’t have to go. If you want, you can maybe join us. If…if you like.”
Join them? Blindsided by those words, there was no trouble for the difficulty you had in trying to figure out if you heard right or just imagined what Chan said. Why would he ask you that question? But more importantly, why were they hooking up in the first place? It was evident that there had been something going on between Felix and Chan - unless this was just a new one-time thing. 
However, even if it wasn’t, you had been left out of the secret. Nonetheless, you quickly came to your senses. Whether they hook up or not is none of your business. 
“J-Join you?” You stammer. 
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Chan emphasises. “It’d be rude to not let you in on the fun.” 
You definitely weren’t hearing things, and this wasn’t a dream. 
At first, you can’t understand why you’re even considering their request, but there is one piece of information that sprung to mind and that’s your sex life. It hasn’t been entirely sex-filled as you’d like it to be, not to mention your slight lack of experience with threesomes wasn’t vast - but it also wasn’t limited either, especially after that encounter you once had with two of their friends Changbin and Hyunjin on a separate occasion. Although, they didn’t need to know that at all. 
That being said, this takes the cake. You can’t even comprehend what Chan or Felix are like in bed but, the opportunity seemed too ridiculously hot to pass up. 
“You...you want me to-“
“Like Channie said, if you want,” Lix assures you, interrupting your babbling. 
You aren’t somewhat surprised that Felix would ever want a threesome. He’s had sexual partners here and there in the past, multiple ones at a time. However, Chan never struck you as the type to have sex with more than one person. Even after a year of living with him and getting to know him, he’s still pretty private and exclusive. 
With the matter at hand and the more you think about the prospect in front of you, you aren’t opposed to the idea. So with your brain taking full control of your body, you hesitantly step over the discarded groceries lying on the ground. This is happening. Felix picks up on the right cue and extends his hand out to you as you take it gently. 
He guides you over to the edge of the bed where Chan is still sitting, but as you’re led over, he rises to his feet. There were a few seconds where you’re a little bit bewildered by what’s going on, but when you look into Chan’s dark eyes and as he takes your free hand, you become more centred.
Before you know it, he leans down to kiss you and kisses you good. You’ve never felt anything like it and as Felix releases your hand and sneaks behind your body, your mind starts turning into jelly. He gently swipes your hair to the other side of your shoulder while his other hand freely roams around your waist, underneath your shirt to feel the heat of your skin. His mouth places chaste kisses from your shoulder up to your neck. 
It feels so heavenly to be sandwiched between them; Felix kissing, biting softly over your skin while Chan continues to explore your mouth. It was impossible to think that just a few minutes ago, you were at the grocery store and now a complete world shift just seems to be occurring within that time frame. 
Chan breaks away from you for a second, kissing you tenderly one last time before sitting back down on the bed and moving up to the headboard. God this is really happening. You’re too deep in it now to not follow him like a lost, yet obedient puppy. You can see that he’s hard and want to touch him so badly but-
“Sit between me and face towards Felix,” he instructs before you can even reach for him. 
Your cheeks burn. While you have no idea what’s entirely in store, your body is getting excited and very obviously, so is Felix. He crawls over to you once you’re snug in between Chan’s legs before he tugs your shirt up from the hem and tosses it aside. Then, he finds your lips and kisses you until you have to silently beg and chase him for it.
Squirming in place, you feel hot and subjugated by Chan sitting behind you - snaking and trailing his hands around your now half-bare body, and Felix in front of him, who’s now gone on to give his supposed man some attention too.
He’s up on his knees with his body so close to you that you can feel the heat from him. Chan tilts his head up from resting on your shoulder and lets Felix take what he wants. The slick wet sounds of them both kissing along with the tiny moans you can feel in your ear, makes you shiver all over. You’re only still comprehending this all, that this is still actually happening. 
“So needy,” Chan says as he breaks away from him, inches away from his face when Felix hears and feels you unbuckling his belt. He straightens back up and consumes how flustered you are, observing the way you blink up at him pleadingly, displaying how badly you want it now. 
Felix smirks, gently grabbing your face with one hand and lowering down just enough to kiss you senseless again. But he cannot stray away from his other plans so frees himself from your lips to help slide your pants off down and discards them to the side. 
Immediately, you can see where this is going. 
“Aw, look how bad you want it,” Felix comments, swiping his thumb over the damp spot of your underwear with enough pressure for you to muffle a whine by biting down on your lip. You do want it bad and already seem to be losing a fight to the pleasure Felix is barely giving you. 
“Don’t tease her too much,” Chan cautions. 
Felix doesn’t seem to hear the warning for him as he helps you shimmy your underwear down. From there, Chan takes over. He hooks both of his legs over yours and separates them to not just expose you for Felix but to hold you down for what’s about to unfold. 
Heat accelerates through your cheeks as you feel embarrassed. At this point, your brain hasn’t caught up with the fact that you never show this much skin, let alone any skin in front of either of them. But that was going to be an afterthought for you when Felix distracts your mind by gently prying your legs open from your bent knees.
Pathetic whimpers slip past your lips as Felix lies down on his stomach, his face inches away from your pussy while he pets and glides his two fingers in between your folds. 
Your head shoots back onto Chan’s shoulder, very narrowly missing his face, “f-fuck…oh my god.”
Without warning, you feel the tip of Felix’s tongue lap a few times over your clit. If it weren’t for Chan acting as a human restraint to hold you down, there would’ve been a solid chance of you lurching forward. His arms are still wrapped around your abdomen, preventing you from moving forward so that you can take what Felix is giving you. 
It’s cruel, but Chan thinks it’s necessary for you to feel everything. Which you do when your hands grip each of Chan’s thighs, nearly squashing him backwards between you and the wall. 
“How does it feel?” he asks you. 
“F-Felix, mmm-” you breathe out his name, unable to answer properly and feel some vibrations from Chan’s chest to suggest that he was chuckling. Mainly at the fact that you weren’t able to directly answer his question. 
But it’s not long until the room quickly fills with your whimpers and moans mingled with the beautiful wet sounds as Felix keeps eating out your pussy. Tingly sensations spread like wildfire throughout every cell in your body from his mouth. It’s gradually becoming impracticable to keep up with his tongue. Not that you’ve ever imagined it before, but he does give good oral, good enough to put your breathing pace out of whack when he sucks on your clit. 
He’s not afraid of enjoying himself either. You can hear and feel his moans reverberate throughout your lower half. It even adds to the sensation of bliss that’s forming a knot in the pit of your stomach. So even though you don’t know, this is as good for Felix as it is for you. To him, it’s like going to heaven. 
What you also didn’t seem to know was when Chan unclasped your bra from behind your back and placed it to the side. His hands went from just holding you to now groping and playing with your tits as your body continued to melt into Felix’s mouth. 
“You’re loud aren’t you?” Chan whispers in your ear, rolling both of your nipples in between his thumbs and fingers to make you mewl and squirm. The different methods of pleasure send interesting messages to your brain that only make that crest of ecstasy build higher. 
You can only mewl until coherent words appear in his brain and out through his mouth, “s-sorry.”
Felix’s head game is so ridiculously mind-blowing that it makes you forget what language you speak.
Chan chuckles, purring into your ear, “don’t be sorry. You just can’t help it can you?” 
His hand circles up to your jaw, tilting it towards his face. He confirms in his mind how much of a mess you are. Cheeks stained pink with a fucked up expression that reads ‘I need more’, to which Chan reaches down and kisses you, sloppy and lazy. 
The velvety feel of your mouth when you open up more is slick with warmth. It’s starting to become more obvious how close you are when you start moaning repeatedly into Chan’s mouth. 
“I’m going to fuck you after this,” he breaks away, just inches from his lips again. 
You never would’ve guessed that Chan was even capable of forming such a dirty sentence. Then again, you never would’ve guessed that you would ever be in the position that you’re in now - having a threesome with your two housemates. 
“I’m…you’re gonna make me cum,” you sob, turning your head towards Chan on his shoulder, almost as if you were trying to escape the expansion of euphoria. He couldn’t help but kiss your forehead, waiting for you to brace for that wave. 
“Yeah?” Chan rouses. “Want to cum for us baby girl?”
You nod, too helpless to form an answer when you’re on the cusp of a forceful orgasm. He underestimated the strength he needed to hold you down, especially when you’re about to cum. So just when he needed to add more force, your body stiffens. Your legs so desperately crave to clamp around Felix’s head to help triage the pleasure, but it’s no use when Chan has you completely locked in. 
Your eyelids flutter, head pressing back further into Chan’s shoulder, “yes! I’m cumming!” 
With ragged, heavy breathing, the all-consuming pleasure takes you by the throat as the pleasure surges without control. Even though you’re being held down, it doesn’t stop your body from quivering. It lasts for what feels like an entire minute – one of the best orgasms you think you’ve ever experienced. 
Felix’s tongue slows down to a snail's pace, licking a few final stripes before kissing his way up your body, from your clit, abdomen, and then up to the base of your throat. His chin glistens as he adorns a smug smile. 
“Fuck…” you sigh out defeatedly, the aftermath of experiencing a volume of pleasure was starting to take its toll. “Oh my god.”
Chan kisses the side of your head, “sound so beautiful when you cum. Lix, switch with me so I can fuck her, yeah?”
“Wait-“ you pause, trying to reorient yourself as you hold onto Chan’s forearm for support. “I wanna ride you.” 
Felix looks down at you, “you sure angel? Channie isn’t exactly small.” 
From that statement alone, it was obvious to you that Felix was speaking from experience, a strong indication that they had in fact mucked around at least once in the past if not multiple times. But it didn’t matter if Chan or Felix for that matter was packing twelve inches, you needed to have something inside you to tame that need of feeling full. 
“I want to ride you-“ you nod to Chan – “but I want you to fuck me at the same time-“ you indicate towards Felix.
Neither of them expected you to be into that. Then again, they didn’t necessarily expect you to join them in bed either so anything was a surprise to them at this point. Chan and Felix can’t deny how insanely hot it is to hear you not only ask for them to do something but specifically ask you to do that. 
“Are you sure baby?” Chan has to ask you for assurance. 
“I can…I can take both of you.”  
Still stunned at your answer, Felix ushers to Chan, “you heard her.” 
He cannot lie and say that he’s not excited, because he is – they both are. So while Felix goes into the bedside table for a condom and lube, you move yourself off of Chan, turn around and start unbuckling his belt and helping him take his jeans off, almost like you’re in a rush. The imprint of his hard dick is enough to make your mouth water, and as Felix said, Chan definitely isn’t small. 
“Easy, I’m not going anywhere,” he chuckles, reorienting himself on the bed so that his head is on the pillow.  
Felix returns with the items he needs to help prep you, taking it as a sign to straddle over Chan’s legs and slowly tug his black boxers down. His cock springs onto his abdomen, the dark pink tip reaching just under his belly button. He had to be at least eight inches. Maybe just under, just.
“Ready angel?” Felix asks, kneeling behind you as you straddle Chan. The position would allow you to not only ride Chan but to take Felix from behind too, a dream so delicious that you can’t help but wonder how it was still all possible. 
“Yes,” you mutter. 
“Okay then,” he replies. 
Chan then holds the base of his cock steady for you, watching you slowly take those eight inches. The tip of his dick gently slots into your pussy, taking your time with sinking down. The warm heat engulfs his length, already sending shockwaves throughout his lower half. 
“That’s it, baby,” Chan says encouragingly, his fingertips delicately massaging over the skin of your things. “Good girl.”
You bite down on your bottom lip at the extraordinary stretch. In the meantime, Felix squirts a dollop of the lube onto his fingers to warm it up a bit before applying it to your hole.
He thumbs over it, sending shivers up your spine. It’s vital to him to make sure that you’re prepped well for him to fuck your ass. So he starts small by slowly inserting the tip of his finger, before gradually using slow yet long strokes, enough to make your head loll back. 
Felix has to express in awe when he sees the result of your efforts to fully envelope Chan’s length, “look at that. You took all of him, angel.” 
You know very well that you have because you can feel him in places that other men in your past haven’t reached. The stretch still sings a bit but it could easily be confused with the gorgeous satisfaction of Chan filling you right out. 
“So…big,” you strain out, scratching your nails down Chan’s abdomen, almost like a cat, just not as painful. 
Meanwhile, as Felix has slowly been stretching your hole out with his fingers, he uses his teeth and his free hand to peel the foil back of the condom packet. He had already freed himself from his jeans when he went to reach for the lube beside the bed so was hard and ready to roll the condom down his cock.   
“M’ready Lix,” you say to him, unable to see the smile you brought to his face from how eager you are. 
“I know baby, just one second,” he replies before aligning his cock with your hole. 
Very carefully and slowly, he starts pushing his tip in. Your eyes flutter shut, steadying your breathing in the process in preparation to take all of him as well. Chan rubs up and down your arm, distracting you from the temporary sting. With the lube doing its job, Felix can continue to push in at a leisurely pace right until he has the majority of his cock wrapped up by you. 
“Doing so well Y/N,” Chan says reassuringly. “Just stay like this for a bit until you’re ready to move yeah?” 
You nod, allowing your body and muscles to relax and ease into the pleasure that’s starting to fade out the burn. It’s difficult to comprehend a fuller feeling than this; to have two cocks stuffed in you to the hilt, and after a few moments of getting used to it, you slowly start to move. 
“Mmm, yes fuck,” you sigh with satisfaction, using your hands on Chan’s abdomen to steady your body as you being to move your hips. “You both…feel so fucking good inside me.”
Your words were difficult for Felix to not listen to who was trying to ward off from thrusting for a little bit until you were comfortable with him starting to fuck you. It wasn’t until your movements became a bit quicker that he began to catch up to your pace. Very quickly did the room turn into a space brimming with moans, wet sounds, and the sound of skin slapping. It was plenty to add to the intense sensation you were hurtling towards.  
Chan’s eyes are fixated on watching your pussy swallow his cock with every long stroke you take on him, “oh my god.”
With his tank top still on, Chan lifts it by the hem and holds onto it with his teeth. It wasn’t just to make sure that your hands weren’t going to be slipping on him as you use his abdomen to support yourself when you rock down, but it was also to restrict a whole bunch of moans that were about to rip through his chest. But even that couldn’t put a lid on the groans and growls rumbling from him. 
“Taking us both so well angel,” Felix says exasperatedly in your ear. 
His deep yet velvety voice has you leaning back slightly so that half of your back is pressed against his chest. With the help of you turning your head towards his face, Felix’s mouth crashes onto yours, almost tasting the remnants of yourself from before. He kisses you passionately, moaning into your mouth like he’s going to die if he doesn’t. 
“Fucking perfect,” he growls, diverging from your mouth to dive into your neck to suck a few hickies in and groping your tits from behind. “Can’t get enough of you dammit.” 
You sob out as he pinches your nipples, but also when Chan reaches down to your pussy, finds your clit and begins to rub in perfect motions, “god – fuck, I can’t…s’too much!” 
Their cocks hit spots so phenomenally that each time they stroke over them, your holes involuntarily clench around them. Not to mention the total stimulation they were feeding you. 
Felix’s hips haven’t faltered since they started pumping forward into your ass. The upward curvature of his cock seemed to be scratching the part of your brain that is responsible for making your eyes roll back. Chan’s dick on the other hand had you shaking. The length and girth were sickeningly satisfying. 
“Not gonna last,” you whine, still keeping up the same pace when you rock down on Chan and feel Felix continue to thrust in and out. “So close…” 
The hem of Chan’s shirt is long gone from his mouth, already given up on trying to suppress whatever was going to come out, “gonna cum for us again, huh? Such a good girl, taking us both at the same time.” 
Chan couldn’t lie either, but he was close a long time ago, probably the second you decided that you wanted to ride him. Felix happened to be on the same page. He couldn’t get over this entire situation, finding it so fucking hot that even just a dream of it would be a blessing. 
Words start to slip away from your brain once more. Aside from your orgasm swimming towards an astronomical high, you try to cling to that amazing feeling before it eventually disappears. But all good things come to an end. Your nails dig into Chan’s thighs while Felix has one arm barred just under your chest as the other hand doesn’t let up on your nipple. It throws your pace off balance and staggers your breathing when you start reaching that very pinnacle of euphoria. 
“Yes! Fuck, I’m cumming!” You scream out. 
Your thighs clamp around the frame of Chan’s lower half, shaking and shivering in place as the pleasure reaches its apex. Felix didn’t let up on his pace, fucking you all through your orgasm as Chan replaces your motions by fucking upwards and into you. Both of your holes spasm and contract around their dicks, enough to actually make them cum by the time you’ve reached the height of your orgasm. 
“I’m gonna cum, holy fuck, s’too good,” Felix’s head rests on your back, watching his cock disappear in and out of you before he starts to bust inside of the condom. His fingernails brutally dig into your hips when he cums. 
Your moans easily fill up the room once more now that you have no choice but to succumb to the euphoria when your orgasm hits its hardest. Chan’s head tips back further into the pillow, eyes screwed tight shut as he’s hit with a tsunami of pleasure. 
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” he exclaims loudly, his chest heaving up and down as he spills inside of you. He’s lucky that he did because as the pleasure reached a point where it was too much for you to bear, you slowly lean forward towards Chan, their cocks sliding out of you in the process. 
On each exhale your body shudders, like the surges of aftershocks while the pleasure slowly plateaus. From this angle, Felix can still see you contracting, watching Chan’s cum leak from your pussy. If he wasn’t so fucked out, he would’ve had the energy to eat you out again. 
In saying that, he is the first to recover and come to his senses a bit faster than either you or Chan. He takes the condom off, ties it, and discards it in the rubbish bin in the corner of the room before putting his boxers back on. Meanwhile, you’re still panting trying to catch your breath, resting on top of Chan’s body, you feel his hand run soothingly up and down your spine. 
“Such a good girl for us,” he says caringly. “Felt so good.”
Felix sits beside you both at the top of the bed. He cards a gentle hand through your hair, observing your distant expression, “you there baby?” 
You blink up at him and nod, your brain still trying to process that sort of orgasm. 
“When you’re ready, we’ll get you cleaned up yeah?” He smiles softly down at you. 
As the minutes ticked by, Felix lent you a helping hand to stand up when you were ready. Even though you were wobbly on your feet, he still guided you to the bathroom and ran a nice hot shower. Both Felix and Chan joined you in a bid to make sure you knew that they were there, dousing you with as much praise as an individual could get – and they meant every word. 
When you were ready to hop out, Chan fetched you one of his warm jerseys and placed it straight over your body before telling you to hop in his bed while he went to gather up the towels and clothes from the bathroom. Just as he was picking up the last items, Felix caught him right as he was about to walk out. 
“She okay?” Chan asks him. 
Felix nods reassuringly, “out like a light.”
“Alright then,” he sighs contently. “She’ll probably be asleep for the rest of the day.”
“Mm,” he hums, staring at a space just to the side of Chan who picks up on the subtle behaviour. 
“Is there something wrong?” Chan asks as a slight concern balloons in his chest. 
“When are you going to tell her?” Felix asks. 
Chan stares at him, trying to figure out what he means, “tell her what?” 
He rolls his eyes and chuckles, “that you like her, idiot. That we like her.” 
That had been a distant thought for Chan for some time. The possibility of that ever working out between the three of you seemed like a long shot. You only all slept together. There was no depth to it other than that even though deep down, Chan would’ve liked it to be for the sole purpose that he likes you. But it’s not just him.
It’s also the one standing at the doorframe, staring right back at Chan; Felix. 
2K notes · View notes
shinekocreator · 16 days
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Some more Hazbin Hotel headcanons (because I can and you can't stop me):
Alastor unironically refers to Facebook as "the book of faces"
Lucifer, Adam, Lilith, Eve, and several other characters know ancient Hebrew (they're not familiar with modern Hebrew, yet)
Vaggie's favourite colour is yellow because it reminds her of Charlie, Charlie's favourite colour is yellow because it's a very happy colour, Lucifer's favourite colour is yellow because it's the colour of rubber ducks
Husk was a major fashionista in his overlord days, he slightly let himself go when he lost his title
Husk has a secret stash of Cuban cigars at his bar, nobody except for Alastor knows
Alastor is more of a smoking pipe type of person
Vaggie and Fat Nugget love each other, that's the only reason she was willing to tolerate Angel Dust
Angel never told Husk that his name is Anthony, he wanted to do it before the fight, but there were too many people around
Husk loves Angel's eyes, it's the most attractive feature of Angel for him (his smile is a close second), that's because heterochromia is fairly common in cats, and also because he can tell how sober Angel is through his eyes
Angel is a Gaga stan (you know I'm right) his favourite song of hers is g.u.y
Cherri Bomb enjoys 2000s pop punk occasionally (Avril Lavigne is her fave of the genre)
Nifty is a fellow jazz and swing enjoyer, she also likes classic rock n roll
Lucifer actually went through a metal phase
He also listens to Taylor Swift
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iheart-alastor · 4 days
Text
Hazbin characters dating you Head cannons!
Tried my best on this hope you enjoy!
𝐍𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫!
Warning:mention of abuse but 𝘭𝘰𝘢𝘥𝘴 of fluff
Characters: Alastor, Angel dust, Husk, Lucifer, Sir pentious,Vox
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Alastor
When Alastor first realised he had feelings for you it was mainly shocking for him
Definitely starts to keep a close eye on you either with his shadow or just watching you from afar
Would probably never admit his feelings for you
Probably steals something of yours because it smells like you
If he did ever admit his feelings for you his whole persona would change he would be clingy maybe let's you touch his ears
When you do start going out with him he will be more possessive and make sure each sinner who dares to glare at you in disgust or any rude way is next heard on his broadcast
He would start calling you his doe, my fawn, Mon cherè basically cute nicknames meaning deer or literally dear
He will probably start 'sleeping' in the same bed as you a couple months in but the only reason he does it so he has an excuse to watch you sleep
If you don't eat demon meat or venison or any type of meat sorry but he's gonna try sneak some in food he makes for you
Probably let's you cook food with him
Bound to learn his mothers jambalaya recipe form him
He probably doesn't bake that much so he'd be glad if you taught him some new foods
He deffo talks about the other overlords apart from rosie
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Vox
Vox cant stand having a crush at first knowing how addicted to watching alastor he is he definitely begins to watch you too
Buys you gifts but they never say who off
Asks you out on a date to a restaurant and talks about alastor the entire time
He likes when you give him shoulder massages after dealing with val or another argument with alastor
Loves to bake goods with you, you cannot tell me this man hates to bake
Doesn't like cooking but will cook some stuff with you depending on how much you enjoy it
Clingy and doesn't let val near you whatsoever why would he want his baby near a pornstar who abuses his co-workers
Likes when you kiss and praise him
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Angel dust
When he first found out he liked you he began flirting with you very bold too he does not hold back like how he does with husker
If he asked you out expect him to be full of joy if you say yes
Definitely wants a sleepover with matching pajamas
Likes talking shit about val to you after a tough day at work
And please when he comes back looking beaten up shower him in kisses and cuddles man will forget val even existed
When around you he liked being sober and not coked up
My man would love if you could bake because bro would love If you baked him some cookies or pastries
Bro don't know how to cook so if you do please teach him
Loves when you and cherri bomb get along
Definitely has a picture of you him and fat nuggets on his door
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Husker
He probably found out he liked you if you began sitting at the bar with him having normal conversations and not trying to flirt with him
He starts to be at ease when around you
Would probably talk shit about alastor
Teaches you how to make different cocktails
After a while it's probably you who asks him out but he says yes
Would probably sleep in the same bed as you and you how cats knead something would probably do that to something you own
He so loves when you groom his fur (it almost makes his wings flap)
He starts to lay of the booze when around you so he doesn't look like a complete alcoholic
Liked talking about you to angel dust
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Sir pentious
Gets easily flustered around you and he makes it obvious!
So obvious angel helps him to ask you out
If you say yes he hugs you so hard and all the little egg Bois in the background begin cheering
He likes seeing you babysit the eggbois when he can't or they get to playfull
He wraps his tail around you when your asleep so he knows your there
Is such a bottom spoon my guys hugging your hiding his head in the crook of your neck while the egg Bois sleep on you or besides the 2 of you
My guy is the best Baker we even saw it on episode 5
Only you am aloud to eat the food he makes how dare anyone else think they're aloud the cookies he made for you?
Probably watches a movie with you and cries when something bad happens to his favorite character
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Lucifer
When Lucifer realised he liked you a lot went through his head by he first made a duck of you now he needed to find out how to handle his crush
He first told Charlie who was in awe and in tears when she saw the duck of you now he had his daughter helping him plan a way to ask you out
He came knocking at your door with flowers and chocolate in the shapes of ducks with the duck he made of you sitting on the chocolate box ofc you had to go out with him!
He probably takes you to a restaurant before going home and watching a movie with you in matching duck pj's and a duck blanket while cuddling
Definitely dreams off you all the time
Love sick in the best way possible as you cured his depression
Likes baking with you and probably throws flour on you before you both start play fighting
Likes when you play with his wings and call him cute nicknames
Charlie would probably think of you as her mother at some point
Gets you duck pajamas to wear with him
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Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed the headconnons! Lmk if I should make more in the future I honestly loved making this
More alastor tiktoks because this man's cute as fuck (๑•ᴗ•๑)♡
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deadghosy · 1 month
Text
HEADCANNONS TEEN! READER LEARNING HOW TO DRIVE
various x gn! teen reader
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LUCIFER
• Tried to teach you how to drive only for you to drive into a wall.
• Pretty much he has a helmet on with body armor and his seltbelt on saying sum,
"safety first!"🤓
• He would react calm to you driving ike a bat from hell as he gives you tips. Only for you to use the tips horribly.
• He revoked your driving license and privileges.
CHARLIE
• She asked you to go get some stuff for her only for you to ram the car into the hotel upstairs.
• HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN GET UP THERE?!
• She screamed out of shock but calmed down seeing your gremlin ass smile as you hopped out the car holding out whatever she wanted you to get for her.
• She also revoked your driving privileges and license. She doesn't want anyone hurt or yourself.
VAGGIE
• She already revoked it the moment you drove into an old demon lady.
• She's not risking SHIT!
• She tried to help you again but you pressed the gas so hard you almost flew out the driving seat.
• So yeah she revoked ya shit, even the keys.
ALASTOR
• Absolutely NO.
• He's not stepping foot into your car.
• He might as well slash your tire with a sick smile cause he doesn't trust you driving at fucking all.
• Literally just teleports you to the places you want. He ain't risking nothing if he wants to live from your terrible driving.
HUSK
• He was drunk, and you were sober. Next thing this fucker woke up to was you inside of a shop's wall chuckling nervously...
• "What in the fu-"
• You guys had to walk to the hotel handing the keys to Charlie who is just happy you and husk are okay.
• Husk never trusted you to be his Uber.
ANGEL DUST
• Lord have mercy
Angel better pray you don't come across Valentino because your driving is so bad to the point you accidentally almost hit Valentino.
• Angel was in the car on his phone scrolling through hellgram (instagram) when he heard you cuss loudly and swerve almost hitting his boss Valentino.
• You speeded the fuck out of there while
Angel's eyes were wide as a pizza. Bro hoped Valentino didn't know who was in the car. But you chuckled a little.
• "I kinda wished I ran that motherfucker over."
• Angel nodded chuckling as he sits properly in the passenger seat.
ADAM
• This fucker literally was the driver...he rammed into your apartment as you screamed shock.
• "SUP BITCHHH!"
• Literally you forced him to fix your wall as he mumbles cuss words under his breath.
• But if you are a worse driver than him. He's gripping the fuck out his seat while either screaming of fun or fear.
PENTIOUS
• He passed out scared.
• YOU CANT TELL ME HE WOULDN'T PASS
OUT
• He is such a precious boy holding onto the car door to the point his hands are sweaty for holding it for so long.
• His egg boiz are having a blast in the background as they jump in the backseat while you do this shit like Tokyo drift. Like shiiit you might as well join fast and furious.
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rapunzelbro · 2 months
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Imagine being the only one to break Angel Dust’s guard.
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Hi! Hope you enjoy! I got this requested prompt! Request: Can I request soft, fluffy Angel Dust x reader headcanons?? Reader is always listening and showing that they really care about him and Angel is just so overwhelmed with affection that he can’t resist giving them the softest, sweetest looks, and overall just a shit ton of pining?
Masterlist Taglist add
Angel Dust really isn’t one to break his persona that he built to hide his true self but when he met you something changed
You 1000% know how he is with his sex jokes, tendencies etc but you could see right past that bullshit he was hiding
Him breaking his guard when you caught him crying in his room
“Angel? Are you okay”
“..No I’m fucking not”
You sit with him for hours listening to him talk until he calmed down fully and offered advice
He is extremely grateful that you actually listened to him. Husk listens, sure, but from you, it was different
Comes to you for advice often and spends time with you as much as he can. You don’t mind it, you enjoy when he puts his guard down and shows his true self.
You do something that is the simplest gesture and causes this man’s heart to melt.
Like when he saw you playing with Fat Nuggets? He had the most gentlest smile in admiring how kind of a soul you were.
How and why did you end up in hell?
You shower this man with gifts even if it was the smallest of things.
It definitely overwhelmed him that someone cared so much
The first time he sees you cooked him lasagna when he got back to the Hotel, he just almost cried
Correction he did cry and thanked you over and over saying his he didn’t deserve your friendship
Always sits next to you at the bar at the hotel when you’re there alone he doesn’t want you alone,
dude always has his hand on top of yours when you two are talking.
Everytime he looks at you his eyes practically turn into hearts
everyone definitely knows how he has fallen head over heels for you
You two are drunk as hell sitting in his room when he finally confesses but you already knew that by now,
You going to kiss him but him being so hesitant because of your state. But you kiss him anyways
He melts instantly into your kiss and things get heated super super quick.
Dude has a major pinning kink it’s not funny
Like even after you two are sobered up he slowly builds his confidence with being around you
Pinning your ass constantly and you having to pay the ‘toll’ with a kiss
He loves your touch
You change this man and bring peace to the hell he has been enduring all his life.
Taglist for Angel Dust: @vendetta-ari
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signedmio · 18 days
Note
Hey Mio-!!! I know your reqs are closed rn so I'm really just leaving this here so I don't forget the idea, but I saw a tiktok that inspired meee and I was thinking what ab a reader who accidentally confesses to Vox/the hazbin people when drunk and based on their reactions maybe thinks they're turning the reader down but they aren't oki bye bye have a good weekend!!!
-🍂anon
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𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐳𝐛𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐥 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐰 + 𝐯𝐞𝐞𝐬 ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-
a/n: hello 🍂anon!! i’m so sorry i kept you waiting on this, i couldn’t stop procrastinating it 😭😭 also i’m sorry if vox seems more mean then normal, i feel like i’ve been writing him too victim-y and at the end of the day he’s an asshole too and i tried to show that. but i hope you enjoy!!
warnings: mentions of alcohol/being drunk/drinking/etc, profanity, mentions of sex (no smut), vox being a bit of an asshole <;/3
proofread: HAH! no. (heh, your loss) someone tell me you got that reference 😭😭
including: charlie, vaggie, angel dust, husk, lucifer, vox
tags: hazbin hotel, fanfiction, x reader
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𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞
girl is flabbergasted. i mean, she’s always heard the term ‘drunk words are sober thoughts’ or something like that, but she’s surprised you would say that to begin with — true or not.
but obviously, she feels romantically about you, so if it wasn’t true and it was just something you blurted out whilst drunk, she’s gonna be a bit upset
so she tells you, if you really feel that way, you can tell her when you’re sober, and she puts you to bed :)
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𝐯𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐞
she can only maintain her calmness for so long until she simply loses her composure, she’s not good at hiding her true feelings and/or thoughts for an extensive period of time
vaggie makes sure you get to bed safe, but she doesn’t bring up until you’re fully sober, she wants your recovery from your hangover to be stress-free and relaxing — not anything that could make you distraught
although, she may or may not dote on you a little extra the next morning…
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𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐝𝐮𝐬𝐭
angel knows what it’s like to say something you weren’t ready to whilst under the influence, he’s done it more times then he’s willing to admit
so he’s (as sweetly as he can be) stern about being 100% sober whilst making decisions to blurt this kinda stuff out
deep down, angel knows it’s true, he knows you wouldn’t lie to him about smth like that, drunk or not — but he can’t help but in awe in a way
like he’s a famous pornstar, you don’t love him for his money or body or looks, you love him for being anthony, and not angel dust, and he’s simply not used to it
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𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐤
husker is a bartender, he’s heard everything in the book, exceeeept someone drunkenly confessing to him while he’s serving them drinks after a shitty night
it’s safe to say… he’s cautious, he’s seen a lot of drunk people do a lot of dumb shit, so he’s unsure if confession is as sincere as it can be
first, he wants to make sure you’re in the right mind before he even thinks before saying he feels the same, he’s been hurt a couple times, and he’s not ready to go through that again, whether he admits it or not
it’ll probably take him a few days until he brings it up, he’s the kinda guy who wants to reflect before making big decisions
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𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫
honestly, lucifer is probably the most shocked out of all them, after being divorced for seven years, possibly more, the guy eventually thought he was gonna be forever alone, especially considering he’s the literal king of hell
the thought of that you’re drunk and may not know what you’re getting into doesn’t even cross his mind, he’s had few interactions with women tbh, and most of them were mainly sexual (like with adam’s wives)
so he gets all giddy and happy and accepts your confession immediately ! it doesn’t hit him until a few months into your relationship that he probably should’ve waited until you were sober LOL
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𝐯𝐨𝐱
vox, like angel, has never had someone genuinely confess their love to him. he’s had an on-and-off sexual relationship with valentino and gotten creepy love letters from fans — but that’s about it
honestly, as shitty as it he can’t help but take advantage of your drunken state, just slightly.
he sorta feeds into any praise you give him, and will lowkey force it out of you, his ego needs to be fed and it’s only getting started
let’s be real, vox isn’t the most perfect guy around, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hold a soft spot for you, although, at this point, a solid relationship cannot be promised :(
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i do not permit for my work to be reposted, translated, or stolen. all rights go to signedmio. characters are not mine, unless stated, and belong to their rightful creators.
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melminli · 2 months
Text
Devil's Advocate II
pairing: hazbin hotel x fem. reader
summery - after you died, you didn't really find it surprising to end up in hell. though, what you did find quiet amusing was that your life down here sucked just a bit less than the one before.
word count: 1.5k
contains: cursing, strong language, sinner reader, violence, religious themes (obviously), sexual themes, demon horniness
part I
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"So...ya and that pretty lady over there seemed to be pretty tight, if ya know what I mean." Angel Dust asked curiously, ready to hear some tea. He grinned as he tilted his head to the side flirtatiously. "She some ex of yours, or somethin' like that?"
Husker just looked at him with his usual grim look while he was cleaning a few glasses. Then his gaze briefly wandered away to your figure, who was forced to deal with the Radio Demon and the Princess of Hell. Yeah, you haven't really been successful in getting out of this hotel yet.
"None of your business." He said with his monotone voice and let Angel hang his head in disappointment. "...I'm far too sober for this shit."
A groan could be heard. "Oh, come on, ya grumpy cat! Don't leave me high and dry, I know there's some good story to be heard!"
Before Husker could leave him hanging one more time, a red demon manifested next to them, much to their surprise. "I would also like to hear this good story, if you wouldn't mind sharing it with us, my good friend!" Alastor expressed his interest and looked menacingly at the barkeeper for a few seconds to make it clear that he did not have the privilege of turning his request down.
Fuck you, Larry. This is all your fault. "...we go back a long way." He reluctantly shared the information. "She was obsessed with money back then too, so I saw her in the same casino as me sometimes. Though, she died a long time before me, so I've only really known her since I went to hell." He summarized as briefly as possible.
Angel Dust raised an eyebrow. "That's it?" He asked, a little disappointed, even though he hadn't expected the man in front of him to be a good storyteller. "How did she die?"
Cat eyes looked a little nervously at the two people in front of him, while he didn't make a sound. How unfortunate, Alastor thought to himself, and his sharp teeth showed as he understood the situation. "Looks like Husker isn't allowed to tell us this information. That's very interesting! Very interested indeed..." He laughed, and his creepy gaze shifted briefly to your figure. "Seems like we need to find out directly from the source."
The once Overlord looked over at Angel Dust with slight concern and saw how the spiders' eyes were also glancing towards your form. It wasn't that he didn't trust you, but demons as reckless as him fell into your trap like flies to a web. Besides, it wasn't like he was on your best side right now. "I'd be careful." He said to the crowd even though he didn't give a rat's ass about Alastor. "She's not known for making packs with demons left and right for nothing, and I can assure you there's not the slightest chance of escaping from her contracts once you're in it." He said and added. "That's the price for holding up her end of the deal without any sneaky tricks, I suppose."
Well, that sounded unusual. After all, it was normal that one Demon after another stabbed the other in the back, there was no such thing as trusting the other person's word. But maybe that was why you were so popular. "Calm down, I'm not gonna sell my soul to her." Angel laughed. I couldn't even if I wanted to.
Husker placed another clean glass on the counter. "It doesn't have to be your soul. She'll find something she wants from you, and she's good with her mouth, so you'll give it to her. They all do in the end." He said and reached for a bottle of whiskey, ignoring the two incredulous looks he received. He took a sip and was initially confused as to what was going on with the two until he realized what he had said and choked on his drink. "Words! I meant to say words, damn it." He corrected himself.
Alastor didn't blink for a few seconds, and Angel, on the other side, just laughed amusedly. Maybe he wasn't so wrong with his first guess, after all. "Of course ya were."
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"Well, thank you for your kind hospitality, but I'm afraid that I'll be taking my leave now." You spoke to the two girls. As much as Charlie regretted it, she couldn't convince you to spend a few nights at the Hazbin Hotel. Apart from the fact that she would have had a new guest, it might have enhanced the hotel's reputation if someone as renowned as you had visited. Though, unfortunately that didn't work out.
I've messed up again. Charlie tried not to look too depressed, even though she really was an open book. "Oh, all right. Thanks for listening to me."
You smiled while rubbing her shoulder. "Of course, darling." You replied, but that didn't really seem to cheer her up. You couldn't help but be a little gentler with her, she had a good heart for a hell born. "Let's make a deal." You suggested to her as an idea popped into your head.
Right after the sentence came out of your mouth, Vaggie narrowed her eyes and stepped protectively in front of her girlfriend. "Charlie doesn't make deals with demons like you." She said protectively, and you leaned closer to her at what she said. Your pupils narrowed to slits and two more eyes opened menacingly on your face. "What do you mean with demons like me, little lady, hm?" You asked her as the light in the room began to flicker, and you saw her continue to stand her ground, even though you could smell the slight fear emanating from her.
You pulled back again and returned to your normal self. "I'm just kidding, I know I'm a greedy bitch." You laughed out and saw how Vaggies eye twitch in irritation while Charlie laughed along a little uncomfortably. "Well, even though I wouldn't mind making an official deal with the little princess, I was thinking more of a friendly kind of deal." You suggested. "I'll put in a good word if the subject of your hotel comes up with anyone I know, and in return, I'd just like to ask you for a teeny tiny favor."
That didn't sound so bad. It would be good for their image if someone like you would spread a few good things about the hotel. Before Charlie could agree, Vaggie straddled back in. "And what does this favor involve?"
You conjured up a collar with a bell and an old Poloroid camera with a snap of your fingers. "Make Husk wear this and take lots of photos of it. Preferably of the process too, 'cause I'm working on some thank you cards for my company." You say and put the two things in her hands. You then remembered something. "Oh! And give this to him too." You added and handed Charlie a piece of paper. "That bastard owes me sixty thousand dollars 'cause of that Berry guy, or whatever his name was."
You were about to turn around and walk to the door when you met two red eyes right in front of you. "Leaving us so soon, what a shame." Said the Radio Demon with a smile as you took a step back so that you were no longer face to face. "Your presence turned out to be quite entertaining, I too had secretly hoped that you would give our great hotel a chance." He announced, pointing his funny stick at you.
You pushed it aside with your finger. "Well, thank you, Blossom, but I'm afraid my presence is in demand at other places." You pronounced not very regretfully.
He raised an eyebrow and would find your nicknames more amusing if he'd understood the reference. "And where would that be?"
You looked neutral. "I actually have a massage appointment at six. See you then." You said goodbye and went away with a poof after you clapped with your hands.
A few seconds of silence passed after you disappeared, and Vaggie looked at the objects in her hands again, a little questioningly. "So, what's the best way to go about this?" She asked Charlie, who was already looking thoughtfully at the bar. "Let's ask him first. Maybe he's in a good mood."
Vaggie looked at the man in question and saw him drinking a large bottle of alcohol before throwing it in the back to get his hands on another one. "Sweetie, do you know Husk?"
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stories-and-chaos · 2 months
Text
Shrike: Angel Learns a Lesson
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[Hazbin Hotel reader insert as Alastor’s “darling life and death partner” I did my best for an ace x ace relationship, based on personal experience. Both parties are moderately sex favorable. Silly one shot inspired by my brain saying ‘what if a Stolas-esque bleep fest was extremely clinical’]
[One shot, 1106 words, no warnings needed]
—————
“Okay toots, you an’ me gotta talk,” Angel Dust found you reading in the hotel parlor. The lanky spider demon had been itching to talk to you one on one since you moved into the hotel. You’d moved into Alastor’s suite, happy to finally have your husband back after his seven year ‘sabbatical.’ That meant you were mostly in the Radio Demon’s company. Angel had learned not to ask him about sex the hard way.
You looked much more approachable. You had the air of a delicate bird. A little shorter than Vaggie, you had the perfect amount of curves for an hourglass figure. The shimmering flapper dress you wore showed that off nicely. Even though your arms and legs were vividly red for ⅔ of their length, they weren’t too alarming. Even your talons looked delicate. The black mask across your eyes was striking but offset by the fluffy silver hair framing your face. Your wings didn’t have a sharpness like a bird of prey and were proportioned more like a songbird.
All in all, you looked sweet, cheerful, and non-threatening.
So on a day that Alastor was out while you remained at the hotel, Angel Dust got the perfect opportunity to get some of the goods about tall, dark, and spooky. “Oh! Angel! What can I help you with?”
“I gotta know sweet cheeks, what do you an’ Al get up to?” You made an inquiring noise as you tilted your head to one side. Even that motion was bird-like. The porn star stared at you, unsure if you were pranking him. But the silence stretched on and he realized you actually didn’t understand. “Wha…how…you…” he didn’t know how to talk about sex with someone who didn’t understand innuendo. “How do you and Smiles have sex?”
That just confused you more. “Angel, ma petite araignée, I thought you worked in the sex industry. Surely you know the mechanics.” You paused. “Though I suppose I wouldn’t put it past that lousy moth to keep you in the dark.”
“I know how banging works! Jeez, I can’t do this sober.” He ordered drinks from a Husk that was trying not to laugh. He drank one, got a refill and brought one back for you as well. “A’right. You and Alastor are both as thick as two short planks about anything sexy, so I wanna know how you guys ever do anything in bed. Besides sleeping,” he hastened to add.
“Ooooooooh, okay! Sure, I don’t mind talking. But you gotta explain all those innuendos we don’t understand, got it cher?”
“You got it toots. Now spill, start with how often you do the deed.”
You sipped your whiskey as you thought back over the last century. “Mm, anywhere from one to four times a year? It varies, but infrequently is a good way to put it.”
“You only have sex once a year?!”
“I didn’t say that. It’s usually just for the night but intercourse occurs more than once when we feel up to it. Multiple times usually,” you clarified with a chuckle.
“Okay, makes sense, ya got me there. So it’s just when you’re both in the mood then?”
“I suppose you could put it that way. It’s an enjoyable activity, just not something we need to do. Or want to do as much as most.”
“A’right, we got the scheduling figured out. I gotta know technique. Positions, toys, he into kinky shit? You into kinky shit?” He leaned on the couch back, thrilled that he got you talking.
“Well [redacted] is our usual position. We’ve tried [beep], [bleep], [what], [why]. Oh and [really?] but that was uncomfortable for Alastor. [redacted] and [redacted] were fun but we were so worn out the next day. I like [beeeeeeeeeeep] to mix things up. I don’t know if they count as kinky but [oh god], [nope], [beepbeep], [thats a thing?], [redacted], [please stop], [srsly], and [wow] are all things we’ve attempted over the years. I like some [bleeping all this] and [this too] personally while he enjoys [hide your eyes], [nope], [double nope]. Oh, I almost forgot [holy shit], we gave that a try before his sabbatical.” Angel and Husk both looked at you in disbelief as your list grew. Then you continued.
“As for toys…[don’t wanna know], [redacted], [dang girl], and [bleepbleepBLEEP] all see some use. I guess [redacted] also counts. We tried [no thanks] but I hated it. We’ve both agreed we never want to try [ew] or [gross]. [How even?] has been fun. Alastor has indulged me with [no more please] a few times. Of course I reciprocate with some [BEEPBLEEP] if he asks. But really it’s mostly [redacted] for us. I’m sure we’re terribly boring compared to what you’ve been up to, ma petite araignée.”
Angel blinked at you in a daze. He held his drink loosely in his hand before downing it in a desperate gulp. Husk was once again pulling his ears down in extreme embarrassment. “I wouldn’t say that toots.”
You brushed his mop of hair from his face. The poor thing looked dazed. “Angel, cher, I think you’ve had enough to drink for tonight. Husk, do you have any water for him?”
“Getting to know the guests my dear?” Alastor manifested from the shadows, making Angel jump and you smile.
“More the other way around darling.”
“So long as everyone is behaving themselves. I wanted to know if you’d like to go out to dinner tonight? I’ve come across a little place that claims to have authentic Cajun cuisine.”
“Mais oui! Although I’m surprised you’re willing to try after what happened to the last restaurant.”
“You cannot dump black pepper into sausage and rice and call it jambalaya. It’s a sin and a disgrace and the place deserved to burn for it.”
“Right you are, Alastor. Am I dressed well enough or shall I go change?” You stood up and twirled for his inspection.
“Hmm, lovely as always my dear.” He held out his arm for you. “Until later chums!”
“We’ll be back! Make sure you get some rest Angel,” you called as Alastor led you out.
Once the two of you were gone, Angel slumped over Husk’s bar. “I didn’t imagine that right? You heard her too, right?”
“Oooh yeah. I kept saying not to ask, but you just had to know.”
“Yeah well I learned my lesson. I’m gonna need another drink after that.”
“Nah, I think Y/N was right about you having enough for now.” Husk pushed a glass of water over to him, garnished with a lemon slice.
“Asshole.” Angel did drink the water though.
A/N: This is absolutely drawn from my being married for 10+ years and still not understanding innuendos. Doesn’t matter how many times we’ve done it, that’s not how I’m wired. I’m going with “you can’t be embarrassed if you don’t care” as to why Shrike is so frank with Angel btw. It’s as embarrassing as picking out her shoes for the day. Also when you’re approaching triple digits in how long you’ve been with a partner, I figure you’ve tried everything under the sun and beyond, purely out of curiosity. My count has roughly 600 instances from 150 evenings over their life- and death-time. Feel free to mad libs her bleeped portions, I honestly only filled in a third of them in my brain, and the canonicity is dubious anyway.
@edgyboi10000 @clearly-awkward @badatpunz @deafsignifcantother @whitewolfsoldat @ch3sire-blu3
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