Matthias to Nina (About Kaz) : I told you he was shady
Kaz: Excuse me, I prefer shadowy
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Guys…. The next DWOD chapter is coming tonight, and if I’m ambitious enough, so is “The Dregs”. But, this chapter of DWOD. My heart. All my heart. 😭🛤🖤 I hope you’re as excited as I am. I’ve gone into hermit writing mode again so be prepared for my upload schedule to be rapid fire for a second. 🥺🥺
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@kazoo-brekker and I have been playing around with a SoC road trip AU and after a late night conversation about the crows shenanigans I had to draw this scene
(this drawing started as a lighting study based off of a photo on pinterest with no credit available, if you know who to credit please let me know!)
Just for kicks, here’s some of the stuff we’ve come up with:
•Kaz drives most of the time (cause he’s a control freak) with Inej and Matthias stepping in occasionally (it takes nearly crashing twice for Inej to get him out of the drivers seat the first time but after that they work out a compromise)
• Inej navigates for most of the time from shotgun
The second row has Matthias behind Kaz (who pushes his chair back unnecessarily far to bug Matthias) and Nina behind Inej. The third row has Jesper and Wylan.
• Nina is in charge of music (said music can only be played between 8:00 AM and 10:00 PM for everyone’s sanity)
• Wylan has a growing collection of souvenirs from every gas station they stop at
• Matthias got sick of everyone after an hour and has been scrunched up behind Kaz, listening to Enya since then
• Jesper keeps trying to balance three fidget spinners on his hand at once and loosing them underneath the seats
• Nina has been documenting the whole road trip in photos and videos that she’s posting on her Instagram
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When Kaz And Inej spend time in Ravka
So after CK Kaz and Inej might have gone to lil vacation to Ravka, because of Inej and her parents' request, and for one second let us suppose Kaz agreed.
Kaz and Inej have been around this place for a few days. While Inej took 2 days to get physically away from her parents, refusing to even step out of the place where they stayed, Kaz took a lil tour. He did what he always did- looked for threats, dangers, signs, set up a few things and overall, utilized his 2 spare days sufficiently. But still, there was very less Dirtyhands work to be done. Kaz took in the sun, the sand, the scorching heat, the tourists and locals going around without being called upon by others, so different from Kettardam. He felt like he was in the farms again, where the sun shone in his eyes, his father toiled like an ox and Jordie did minor tasks, wiping the sweat from his brow.
Inej was finally out, waiting for Kaz to bring water from the nearby stalls. He came back, two small earthen pots in his hand, and passed one to Inej. He was sweating, his hair slick, but he didn't seem to mind.
He took in the weather graciously, Inej thought.
He was looking around, and somehow there was no scowl on his face.
They both travelled around. Kaz told her the places he had already visited, though Inej found out all those visits were just inspections. They entered a carnival and played a few games. Inej was mildly surprised when Kaz didn't object even once, though he made a face.
Kaz won almost every game he played. He won a bar of chocolate, a little statue of Sankta Alina, even a ring, and accidently a bar of soap. He gave all the items to Inej, and she shared the chocolate with him.
When he won a teddy bear, he looked as if deciding to throw it away.
"Would you like to have it?"
She made a face. "I don't play with teddy bears, Kaz. I'm not a little girl."
But then a second later he was walking towards a little girl with a sullen face and presenting the bear to her. Inej marveled at how her eyes lit up as she accepted the gift from the totally scary stranger and gave him a flying kiss. Apparently, the kid was the same one just behind them in the line, the same one who ranted about how she wanted to win a bear, but was not able to. Inej hadn't even noticed.
Of course, Kaz had.
She watched as Kaz walked back with a small smile on his face. A pure smile- nothing malicious. Not the smile of victory after he had defeated someone. When looked back at her, Inej looked away. She did not want to be caught staring.
They shuffled along the sides. They stopped at a pond, where people were throwing in coins for good luck. Kaz put his hand in, and suddenly there was a stream of water splashing on Inej's face.
He laughed. "What? It's hot here isn't it?"
"That doesn't mean you'll drench me like that."
He scooped his hand inside the stream and pulled it out. There was a tiny fish swimming in the little pool of water trapped in his palms.
"Woah- let it go!" Inej whispered as she saw water draining away from Kaz's ungloved hands.
Kaz let it back in water. He was smiling- and this time Inej couldn't help but stare. They were sitting on the edge of the pond, which also had a fountain in the centre. It was a little cool there.
If Kaz had ever been a boy.
Inej looked at the boy beside her. Not the bastard of the Barrel. Not Dirtyhands. Just a boy with the most attractive smile in the world. Boy whose eyes shone brighter than the sun. She kept stealing glances at the wrinkles near his coffee eyes whenever he smiled. His slick hair pushed to one side. His long fingers through his hair, or fiddling with whatever he had in his hands. She imagined those fingers laced in hers.
Kaz looked up, and his eyebrows creased in a mischievous curve.
"You look good."
Inej quickly looked away. She definitely did not intend to say that. But it came out, and it wasn't a lie.
"Thank you. You look great too. Just a little sweaty."
Kaz gazed at the bronze skin glistened under the sun. The beautiful curves of her body as she sat, poised like a performer. Like she was just about to square her shoulders and jump in for a dance. Both of her hands were on the ground, palms down, supporting her spine. Her dark braided hair sitting neatly on her shoulder, the tail dancing near her waist. Her eyes were still trying to catch hold of something. Her lips were pursed, but with a faint smile.
"No, I am observing."
Inej faced him. "Observing what?"
He drew a breath in. "You could've had a wonderful life here."
"You could have too, Kaz."
Kaz's head snapped towards her. Inej was definitely staring. And smiling. Seeing her so carefree left Kaz's heart in a twist.
Inej knew what he was thinking. She had never seen him so carefree either. No one had. She wanted to meet the boy who could've been a little playful genius in another universe. She scowled at that thought.
She wanted to create such a universe for him now.
Kaz looked away.
"I wouldn't think that. Especially when there is no scope for that."
No. There is. It's me. I will create a world that would make you the boy you were supposed to be.
"You don't seem to mind the sun," Inej drawled. "We never have such heat in Ketterdam."
"Where was your family, Kaz?"
Inej hated saying that. She wanted Kaz to come out himself. She also did not want to spoil the mood. She did not want Kaz to lose his smile. But for the sake of Inej, Kaz kept his lips in a little curve.
"We had a farm."
"No farms in Kettardam."
She stayed silent for a bit. "Why did you come to Kettardam?"
"After my father died, we sold his farm and used that money to shift here. I was barely 8 or so. My brother tried to find a job."
And that did not go so well. Inej cursed in her mind.
So a farm boy, she thought. We have two farm boys with us. How cute.
"I think you would have been better if you never left Ravka."
Inej didn't mean to, but she sputtered. "Y-You do? I-"
Kaz was observing something distant.
She took a deep breath. "I would have, Kaz. Maybe. But possibility does not make me want to go back and change anything."
He looked at her again. He seemed to have a lot of things to say, but what left his lips was just "Of course, it would be a trash thought. You can't change anything anyway."
Inej rested her head against his shoulders. She felt Kaz's body go rigid, his eyes a little wild, panicked, but he seemed to be focusing. He did not move away.
He shifted his hand and very slowly, laced it into her. Inej started to panic a little too, each second of increasing contact making her nervous. She shivered, but she held.
And the two of them stayed this way for a long time. Finally, when the sun had almost set down and the place was less crowded, both of them decided to visit the Public Square.
While they walked back home, Inej asked, "Would you stay here, if you had a chance?"
Inej thought for a while. "Why, Kaz?"
Kaz took in the sparkle in her eye under the dark sky. He knew.
"Because I want to create and destroy whatever I have in a single place.
Inej scoffed silently. She wasn't in a mood of dealing with a dense Kaz and his obsession with destruction. She wanted to talk real. Of possibilities. Of the endless future.
She smiled at herself. Who could cure her of her hope?
"You know, you could expand your area of destruction, Ravka offers a lot. I could become an unofficial ambassador for you."
"I appreciate the offer and the commitment, but no thank you."
She looked at him again, and noticed his eyes looked tired. Thinking something, debating something with himself, but still tired.
"We should go back. I'm tired."
Kaz nodded and they went back to the place her parents were staying in. Both of them went inside their respective rooms after wishing each other a good night.
Both of them stayed awake for a while on their beds, thinking of the same thing.
After all this time staying in Kettardam, with the Dirtyhands, as his spy, Inej had learnt a lot. She was determined to put it to good use. Now.
And Brekker closed his eyes and smiled to himself, wondering how much his wraith had learnt.
THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR A E O N S I NEEDED TO GET IT OUT
I do remember planning something for this but now at this moment i decided i had to finish this- all my fics turn out so long idk why
maybe, maybe, I will continue this (you know the chances are like 4/10 but okay)
@papa-no-cheese @yourlocalautisticoverlord @willothewhisper @iambecomeyourvillain @darkacademiaslut @nevada-and-the-birds @all-bi-myself-shield-agent @anotherteenageroninternet @matthias-is-alive @crazy-writing-bookworm-17 @beautifultragicshadows @my-own-personal-hell @im-someone-i-guess @drunk-on-inejs-laughter @fatpotatosaysmoo @jesperfaheylovebot @darkshadowqueensrule @thehottestmess @ganseys-jane @revvs-trash @wafflesandschemingfaces @supercutss @buttcrflys-rose @donkey-maddie @that-intp-gryffindor @herondalesunsetcurve @twelve-kinds-of-trouble @ghafa-dale @adams-left-hand @storm-of-ruination @cressjacquine @confused-as-all-hell @moobrvoobl-moobmoob-oobmpoobroom @saltyfortunes @thesexypanda-boo @investmentofmyheart @ds-umbrella-manufacturing-co @chaos-is-my-king @indubitably-eternally-confused @rrruthless @spoopycookie @kitandtyarelife
(I lost my tag-list so i basically tagged my mutuals, DM to be added/removed)
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the aftermath of 'i love you.'
this is the sequel to my fic how kaz would react to 'i love you.' which was basically all angst. spoiler alert: this is all angst, too.
pairing: kaz brekker/reader but not exactly (??) cause they've broken up so uh
word count: 1.5k (rounded up)
summary: what happened after you said 'i love you,' to kaz
tags: gender neutral!reader, angst, unhappy ending
warnings: swearing, self-deprecating thoughts, and i think that's it? but pls lmk if anything else is needed
read on ao3
a/n: the writing quality of this really went 📉📈📉 but in my defense i wrote most of this while my brother watched tommy innit videos at full volume so ofc i was distracted.
and fyi muzzen is not an oc, he's one of the minor minor characters in soc!
once again, feedback and reblogs are appreciated! hope you enjoy reading <3
He watched you from the other side of the room as you blatantly flirted with Muzzen. He had his glass of kvas (Jesper had begged for the club to order the ravkan mead for weeks) in a death grip. You ran your fingers through your hair, and smiled at something Muzzen had said. He tugged lightly on the collar of your jacket, making you laugh softly. Kaz's heart tightened, jealousy settling in his chest.
You looked happy, even as you conversed with the brainless bodyguard who probably couldn't count up to ten. Kaz hadn't been able to make you happy like that. But you had loved him anyway, and he had 'fucked you over', as you'd put it.
I love you.
You're a coward, Brekker.
Kaz let out something in between a sigh and a frustrated grunt. He drained the rest of his drink in one go, and set the glass down more violently than he'd intended. His scowl deepened, if that were even possible, when he sensex Inej slide into the seat next to him. He waited for her to speak, because he sure as hell wasn't going to initiate the conversation. What was there to say? You and him were over. And it was all his fault.
"Kaz," Inej said. Her tone of voice was gentle - too gentle. He didn't want to be pitied, for fuck's sake.
"What is it, Inej?" he snapped.
"Tell me what happened between you and Y/n."
"Nothing to tell." He shrugged.
Annoyance flickered over her face. "I care about you both, you know," she said. "I don't like seeing you two like this."
He gave her a withering look, if only to disguise the ugly feeling that flared up within him at her words.
Don't care about me.
Don't love me.
Kaz bit the inside of his cheek and hung his head. He studiously ignored Inej for a solid minute. At some point, he noticed that you and Muzzen had abandoned your corner table, most likely to go suck each other's faces off. The thought sent jolts of jealousy through his heart.
"For Saint's sake- did she break your heart? Is that it?" she demanded, apparently having had enough of his silence.
He 'tsked' in annoyance, standing up abruptly. He snatched up his cane. "Maybe I broke hers," he muttered before walking off. He didn't want to answer questions today. Or ever.
Inej didn't follow him, and he was thankful for that. He trudged up the stairway, the rickety steps creaking under his weight. Emotions swirled within him, brewing up a storm. It was just a matter of time before he exploded, because as much as he hated to admit it, he was still human. Especially when it came to you.
You had been one of the first people to see his humanity, and the last thing he wanted was to become another monster in your life.
But then again, maybe it was too late.
Suddenly, he bumped into someone. He hissed, flinching backwards. "Watch it-," his next words died on his tongue when he looked up, and came face to face with you. For a few, painfully awkward moments, the two of you held eye contact. Your face was stony, but your e/c eyes betrayed some kind of emotion that Kaz couldn't be bothered to decipher right now.
"Sorry, Brekker," you apologised. Your tone was flat. "C'mon, Muzzen," you gestured for him to follow you back down with a jerk of your head.
His hand twitched at his side as you left, almost as if his body yearned for your presence. Your shoulders nearly touched - missing each other by less than a centimetre. He couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.
Letting out another sharp breath, Kaz resumed the walk back to his room. His footsteps grew quicker and more urgent. Your name echoed in his mind, as well as the three words that had haunted him for days now.
Y/n. Y/n. Y/n.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
He slammed the door behind him when he finally reached his quarters. His cane fell to the floor, although his gloves stayed on. He stumbled into the cramped bathroom, bracing two hands against the rusty sink. He twisted the tap open, ignoring the squeak of the old mechanism that would have otherwise annoyed him. A gentle stream of water flowed from the tap head, and he splashed some on his face.
No, he thought stubbornly, I am not going to break down because of Y/n.
The despair that rattled inside of him said otherwise.
f only he had reacted better when you'd told him you loved him. If only he hadn't yelled at you and called you all those horrible things that weren't true about you in the slightest. You weren't selfish at all. You were the exact opposite. You were kind, and thoughtful, and understanding - so, so understanding of him and his endless baggage. And he had- he had ruined it all, because of his own cowardice.
You're a coward, Brekker.
I know, he thought, not for the first time. I'm sorry.
· · ─── ·𖥸· ─── · ·
"I- I'm sorry, Muzzen, but I think I'm gonna turn in for the night," you said to the bodyguard, smiling sheepishly. "I've got a bit of a headache."
"It's alright," he said, giving a half-hearted smile back. It was clear he didn't believe you. You didn't know if that was because your acting skills weren't as up to par as you thought, or because the bodyguard was smarter than you made him out to be.
You all but ran up the stairs, nearly sagging in relief as the door closed behind you. You suddenly couldn't stand the feeling of the fabric of your coat on your skin and shrugged it off; Kaz had bought it for you, because of course the reminder of him lingered everywhere you went.
Your room wasn't anywhere near big, but it was a good way away from Kaz's, and for the first time, you were grateful for that. You couldn't deal with him at the moment.
Wait, no, that came out wrong. It wasn't him specifically that you couldn't deal with, it was the bad memories (or, rather, memory, as there was one key shitshow that had ruimed everything) that came with him.
Oh, Saints, why, why, why had you told him you loved him? Things had been going so well! And then you- you fucked it up. Yes, you had blatantly blamed this on Kaz the day of the argument, but deep down, you knew you were the one at fault.
Your heart ached every time you thought of him. You missed Kaz. So, so much. It hadn't escaped you how he had been eyeing you and Muzzen earlier in the evening. You could only hope that he was staring out of jealousy, and not devising some foolproof plan to get rid of you.
What would it take for Kaz to forgive you? Or had you fucked things up beyond repair?
"Shit," you whispered, leaning your head against the wall. Tears burned at the corners of your eyes. "Shit." You didn't know what exactly was 'shit'. Maybe the decision you came to moments later.
I'm going to apologise to him," you said to your empty room. "I will."
With a sniffle, you cracked open your door and slipped back outside. You had left your coat in a pile on the floor, making you vulnerable to the cold that pierced the empty areas of the Crow Club. Your feet carried you to Kaz's room naturally. You barely had to think about where you were going. Instead, you thought of Kaz himself.
Kaz. Your fallen angel, you used to call him in your mind. You couldn't express how sorry you were. You didn't even know what you were sorry for. Loving him? Loving him, and saying it aloud? Loving him, and saying it aloud, because you were so sure he felt the same way?
You had been being selfish. Kaz said so himself. Selfish and stupid. Of course Kaz didn't love you.
At last, you were in front of his door. You raised a fist to knock. Opened your mouth to call out. Except you did none of those. You just stood there, tears welling up in your eyes once again, a familiar pang of sadness in your chest.
He wouldn't want to see you. How could he? This was your fault, wasn't it? It was your selfishness, and your wishful thinking that had gotten you two into this position. You missed him, but you wouldn't go as far as to think he missed you, too. If you attempted to apologise… would it really be for him?
You wouldn't be selfish. Not again.
"I'm sorry," you whispered.
You turned around, and walked away.
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Dance in the dark - Kaz Brekker
Warnings: a little bit of angst, fluff, my bad 3:40 am editing
Word count: 1.2k
AN: This is my first Grishaverse fic be nice
It was late, a bare wind in the air as you walked through the streets of Ketterdam. A million thoughts raced in your mind yet, there were none you could understand. You'd pulled a job mere hours ago, something simple for the dregs and a rather easy accomplishment but somehow it didn't sit right. Boiling there in the back of your mind was an image, something that made you contemplate your own sanity. You wondered even, if you'd seen correctly but then, that was your specialty. Seeing things others could not. The keenest of eyes in the barrel.
Coming to the door of the Slat you should have felt a surge of relief. Your place of refuge like most of the Dregs lay in front of you but pushing the door open it seemed heavier than you recognized. As did your feet. Carrying yourself up the stairs seemed more of a chore than usual too, as you walked the path to that door, forbidden to most. There was no doubt or fear in you at the prospect of seeing the barrels bastard. You weren't afraid of him, a companion of yours could never spark such a feeling in you. Kaz had warned you about that. Trusting him as you did was something he'd wanted but it bothered him nonetheless. It went against everything he thought he knew.
Raising a hand you didn't get a second to rap upon the doors wood before it swung open to reveal the boy you had come to see. You never understood how he managed to sense the presence of you. Not even Inej could take the boy by surprise. He didn't speak, turning away and heading back into the room but leaving the door ajar, Kaz Brekker's way of inviting one into his space. You took the chance before he could change his mind, stepping through and closing the door behind you.
It was dark, the only light coming from the few candles placed upon Kaz's desk. They cast a warm glow through the far part of room which some may have found it intimidating. Others, like you found it calming in a way. Perhaps beautiful.
A silence had fallen heavy upon the room and with it the sense Kaz knew more about what you wished to say than you did yourself.
"Kaz, on the job I saw-"
"Whatever you did or did not see, I have no part in it" Kaz had his back to you eyes scanning the wall for something you could not identify, possibly nothing at all.
The image came back to your mind, Kaz Brekker with a sadness in his eyes. For once, maybe unintentionally he had shown emotion and on a job no less. You weren't there to tease or mock the boy and you by no means came to question his leadership of the Dregs. Kaz knew this, your true purpose here stressing him more than those things ever could, not that you would know.
"Kaz' you started, "all I ask is that you are okay and that you tell me if you are not"
It was a risk and a question that was unlikely to receive an honest answer but you couldn't help yourself from speaking it.
At first he didn't speak nor did he move but after a moment he turned his head, just slightly so he could see you.
"Every person has a different form of okay, just as every man has his opinion on liquor" Kaz turned to face you finally, tugging at the fingers of his gloves, "and each man thinks he's an expert at judging which liquor is the best".
You couldn't quite think of a response but you knew what Kaz meant. He was trying to push you away just as he always did, to you and to everyone.
Taking a step forward you prepared yourself for a second attempt.
"It's a simple question Kaz. There is no need for riddles".
Kaz shook his head once, though the movement was small as he made his way past you toward his desk.
"If you're looking for a yes or no, I can give you neither".
His words gave you just enough to interpret though you hadn't needed them anyway, knowing the answer more than the man himself. You had seen it with your own eyes. The heartbreak of Kaz Brekker shining through a crack in the walls that he had created. You'd wanted him to confirm it. Bring to light the fact that even Dirtyhands could break under enough weight. But that was easier said than done.
Stepping forward without a thought you placed a hand upon his arm halting all of his movements. The way he froze made one think they had the power to stop time itself before he looked over his shoulder, eyes on yours.
"Even the bastard of the barrel needs help sometimes".
Kaz didn't say anything and a silence fell between you, only the softest of murmurs heard below where other members of the slat were conversing on the bottom floor. Lifting your hand gently from Kaz's arm you began to pull away, the slightest tinge of regret winding itself around your heart.
But no sooner had you lifted your palm did you feel leather covered fingers grasp your wrist softer than you thought Kaz Brekker ever could. There was something in his eyes then, as if the cold expression he held had broken. His features softened in question, "What if the bastard doesn't deserve that help?".
You caught sight then only for a moment the boy he once might have been. Lost and innocent but still just as broken. You allowed yourself to send him the softest of smiles "What if he does?".
Somewhere below in the foyer of the slat music began to play, the vibrations coming through the floor as the notes came louder. The melody was simple and familiar, a song known to most of the dregs as one of Jesper's favorites. Kaz's lips twitched upwards, a hint of a smile—though only small—threatening to spill at the tune and you wondered if he would truly smile if not for your presence. You had never seen a grin upon his face and just once you would love to witness a Jesper-like smirk blessing his lips.
Kaz spoke then. Words you could not believe had left his very mouth, but you swore upon the saints that you'd heard them and your jaw fell slightly agape. "Excuse me?".
His gloved hand that had once held its ground upon your wrist now fell to grasp your fingers as he spoke again.
"I said, Would you like to dance?"
Utterly stunned, managing only a nod in reply you felt the tentative hands of Kaz Brekker finding your waist. The music was but a beat in the background as you found yourself dancing in the candlelight with the one and only Bastard of the barrel. The infamous thief known as Dirtyhands didn't seem dangerous at all and despite many the rumor, Kaz Brekker indeed had a heart. You could hear it beating in his chest, a fast paced yet soothing rhythm that brought you to smile despite all the horrors Ketterdam had to offer. Kaz Brekker had once been part of those horrors but the more you looked and the more you danced, you only saw another boy wronged by what the world had taught him and nothing more.
So you swayed in the near darkness until the song was over and the next began, with neither of you making an attempt to break away and dancing further on into the night, Kaz Brekker wished the dawn would never come.
AN: Not sure how I feel about this
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priest: repeat after me
jesper: after me
priest, whispering to wylan: are you sure you want to marry this one?
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𓅆 — 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 (𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝); kaz brekker x f!reader
summary: Y/N Y/L/N is the Crow Club's pianist prodigy, and has been performing every evening for the infamous Kaz Brekker; until he comes with an offer that's way out of her line of work.
word count: 2.5k
features: female reader, 3rd person (she/her). alcohol consumption. mentions of homelessness. ooc kaz (but book kaz!) because I just can't pin him down.
song: my kaz brekker playlist, but particularly pmj's gangsta's paradise and creep
author notes: this was originally a multi-part fic written for my friend's ocs, set in a 20s mob AU, but I never finished it. I figured it could benefit from a few arrangements to fit Kaz and the Grishaverse, and that I could finish it with him in mind. As I said, this was supposed to be several parts (like, 3-4?) but we're starting with one for now because you know who I am.
˚ ༘✶ NAVIGATION || MASTERLIST || TAG LIST ˚ ༘✶
✧˖°࿐ 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐊𝐀𝐙 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐊𝐊𝐄𝐑 liked best about the Ketterdam noise was that it fell silent wherever he entered.
His reputation preceded him like a shadow larger than himself. The door of the Crow Club opened, a ray of light tinted the lounge with ochre, the smell of tobacco and bourbon swirled in the room, and the relaxed guests all turned towards the young man in the doorway. Without sparing a glance to the card players in the corner nor the girls lodged in the alcoves, he loosened his tie. A murmur vibrated among the patrons; Kaz Brekker, that only he had ever pronounced with the right accent. Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, who had a crazy gift for making a profit out of dirt and soot. Without a word, but with more presence than if he had said a thousand, he crossed his speakeasy, climbed the steps, and disappeared behind the door of his office.
Only then would the whole city exhale, and the games resume. Y/N Y/L/N, shaking her head to stop staring at the closed door, picked up her chords where she had left them.
Y/N would always see Kaz when he was at the Crow Club. Otherwise, he had to be muddling through crime after crime and sordid affair after sordid affair. Rumors were rife about what Dirtyhands spent his days doing, perhaps just as numerous as those that strived to see right through the secret of his gloved hands. Yet the young man didn't seem like much at first glance — a pale, crippled orphan could hardly measure up to Pekka Rollins' ruthless teeth. But Y/N had heard. She had never asked, for the wise in Ketterdam knew better than to ask; but Jesper's tongue loosened a bit too much when he had drunk with friends; but Kaz's charcoal eyes bore no secret when they tore through hers from across the piano.
Y/N closed her eyes. She had practiced her pieces so much that her fingers no longer needed her. Arpeggios had never had the slightest secret for her, nor trills or improvisation. Of course not. Kaz only hired the best of the best.
Or perhaps she had broken her knuckles countless times on the same abrasive symphonies, all to become the best of the best, all so that one day she might dream of belonging to the same world as Kaz, the world of ruthlessness and excellence and walking tightropes.
Yet it was also the world of the boy, barely any older than she was, who had given her a job, warm meals, a place to stay, and most curiously, sincere affection in the simplest of stolen glances.
The music had died down long before Y/N opened her eyes again. The other members of her band had all left their instruments and were conversing absentmindedly in a corner of the stage. The card players had shaken hands, donned their hats, and disappeared into the drizzle outside; a clink of beads in the dark hallway indicated that the dancers had just left too. Y/N's tense shoulders and jaw, her well-ironed black and red shirt clashed with the Crow Club's quiet slackness, just a few hours short of the evening — its true opening.
"You coming to get ready, Y/L/N? Wouldn't want to hang around and piss off the boss," the cellist called out to her.
"Yeah, who knows what those poisoned fingertips of his could do to you," snickered the saxophonist, but Y/N merely shook her head, her ears still ringing from the last notes she'd played.
"Go on without me. I'll catch up."
Sharing a murmur, they walked away into the darkness of the dressing rooms, and Y/N held back a sigh. The other musicians were friendly, but much more effusive than she. They talked of all the topics of the city, of the gleaming carriages that strolled down the richest neighborhoods, of the stock market and golf and politics, with an arrogance that failed to disguise the vacuity of their conversations. Y/N had never quite felt entirely part of their little group; she wanted to talk of music, of these oh so very peculiar vibrations she got in her chest when she finally played a bar that had resisted her, of literature, even of history. They all knew so much, much more than she did - she who had almost been spat on in the street, she who read music better than Kerch. She never discussed these subjects, however. They wouldn't have understood. It was all just a passing amusement for them. Clearly, the streets had made her thirst for art and beauty as desperately as water, but all they had done to the other musicians was close their minds and open their mouths.
So Y/N played the piano for the walls. At least the instrument was a gentle confidant, and never repeated itself.
"Something on your mind, Y/L/N?"
The voice in the otherwise empty hall startled her, so much so that her fingers tripped on an awful chord. She turned around — Kaz was standing there, hands buried in his pockets, staring her down from across the piano as he did on most nights. That unflickering gaze that seemed to read her every thought, to lay her bare in the open, not giving away a single hint as to what he thought of her entrails. The same that had calmly ripped her open on that distant day she had come to him begging.
"And what can you do?"
The Bastard of the Barrel had raised an eyebrow, and although it had seemed then like the funniest thing he'd ever heard, his tone didn't take on a single color of amusement, ever the paragon of neutrality. He shared a look with the Wraith, standing behind him; if Y/N hadn't been moved by her resolute refusal to spend one more humid and laden night in the streets, she would have burst into tears at the sight of the Barrel's two most fearsome offspring whispering about her fate.
"And why do you think I would need music in the Barrel? What do you think I do for a living, miss Y/L/N, run a talent show?"
"It's for your gambling house, mister Brekker. People enjoy a good tune. They spend more time inside if there's good music. Spend more money, too."
"And you can give us good music?" Inej Ghafa had asked.
A deep breath and Y/N had signed a life agreement then with but two words.
The memory of their first encounter flashed before her eyes — everything was so very different in subtle, almost unnoticeable ways. Kaz's tie wasn't the same color, her hair and skin were shinier, less dull and famished. He leaned closer to her, his shoulders were less tense. She didn't fear him anymore. Or at least not as much.
"Nothing, mister Brekker. I was just lost in my thoughts."
"Everyone here calls me Kaz. Why don't you?"
Her gaze fell to her wrist, and the boy's followed; the folds of her shirt showed the skin beneath, bare of the Dreg ink. She was but an employee, a crowd-pleaser for one of Ketterdam's most ludicrous gambling venues; not one of his agile and greedy crows.
"You've been here long enough... it's almost like you have it too."
But no matter how many times he repeated his name, she couldn't bring herself to carry it on her tongue. It felt wrong—blasphemous—for a man so great and redoubtable to wear a name so simple—and even more so for her to tarnish it, never pronouncing it quite right.
There she'd remain forever, neither a musician nor a henchman, and certainly not a friend; trapped on the cursed island of hunger halfway through the ocean; never truly belonging to any world no matter how desperately she pleaded to be let in. All the crooks in Ketterdam had their rats already.
"I didn't mean to interrupt. Keep playing. Pretend I'm not there."
"It's quite difficult to pretend you're not there. Sir. Kaz."
Y/N almost smashed her head against the keyboard, but Kaz didn't say a word, merely eyed her with the same ravenous yet mute curiosity. What intelligence could be discernible in a gaze that said so little...!
"You wanted to tell me something?" she promptly resumed, hoping to diffuse the tension in the air.
Or perhaps the tension was just in her head. Perhaps the tension was in the pit of her belly and the hollow of her chest, and at the tip of her fingertips, so tingly they forgot the notes, and perhaps it was in the welter of little burns that rattled her skin when Kaz was near, and in Kaz's breathing and the clinking of his cane as he crossed the stage...
"Yes, actually, I did."
Kaz stepped down from the stage. The wood never creaked under his feet, and under his feet only, as if he had conquered it too. Walking up to the bar, he poured himself a glass of whiskey, then another for his protégée, and pulled up a chair to sit in front of the piano.
His cool face, closed and pensive, calculating all the moves she could make next before she even thought of them — her focused and clever eyes, bright and colorful on the endless sheets of music scattered in front of her — his world of cold excellence and hers of artistic freedom meeting. She gulped her whiskey down.
"What would you say about working with me, Y/N?"
Stunned into silence for a few moments, Y/N held her glass at mid-height between her lips and the waxed surface, not daring to set it down and break the deafening quiet.
Had Kaz's eyes always glimmered with these hints of warm brown, or was she only seeing them now? Were these scars on the crook of his chin new, or the subject of another of his supernatural tales?
"I already work with you," was all she found the presence of mind to utter.
But Kaz shook his head.
"You work for me. I'm asking you to work with me. On the field. By my side."
Y/N's eyes widened, two pearls glittering with fear; and Kaz must have seen it before she even noticed panic coursing through her veins, for he was quick to extend his gloved palm toward her in a soothing gesture.
"Don't worry, it won't—"
"Will I have to—" her voice rung discordant, loud like a shrill, and she dropped it to a high-pitched murmur after shooting a nervous glance around. "Will I have to kill someone?"
"No. No, I promise, Y/N. I swear. You can trust me."
And something in the way he breathed, slow and steady like the deep echo of the basso continuo in a familiar concerto, assured her that she really could trust him. That she had so far and nothing bad had happened to her.
"I just need... to get in somewhere. Inside," he cleared his throat, his voice still level and hand outstretched like he was charming a wild animal. "And I need someone to draw everyone out. A distraction, if you will."
"You need me."
She bit the inside of her mouth as soon as her words crossed the barrier of her lips. Whatever she meant as ingenuity and deduction originally, Kaz would interpret as arrogance and entitlement, and Ghezen forbid anyone be arrogant when addressing Kaz Brekker.
Yet, much to her surprise, Kaz didn't flinch nor grimace, simply gave her the semblance of a nod, or a shake of the head. Indecipherable, as always.
"Normally I'd have someone else ready to take the job, but she's... busy. And you didn't lie when you came to my door that day."
"What do you mean?"
Kaz leaned over, his barely touched whiskey lapping at the edges of his glass, and addressed her a surprisingly conspiratorial grin—a true, genuine smile, a spark of warmth dancing over his face and pulling at the corners of his eyes.
"You really have the best music of all Ketterdam."
And she had heard every story there ever had been on the Kerch demon, on his lethal touch, on his hooved satyr leg, on his ever blood-stained teeth, on the hellhole he had crawled out of and into the grimy streets of the Barrel, but she couldn't comprehend how his devilishly warm grin and clandestine laughter had never driven anyone mad.
As quickly as the moment had sparked, it ruptured. Kaz leaned back in his chair, and Y/N was left with the dizzy certitude that she knew, in truth, nothing about the depths of him.
"So, what do you say? Are you in?"
Her eyes trailed on the piano sheets she had scribbled down on, annotated left and right during all her endless hours of practice, lit by nothing but the fragile light of a candle and her devious ambition. From the irregular curves of the notes her gaze flickered up to the whiskey tightly wrapped in her hand, to the opulent, somber moldings in the angles of the ceiling, to the timid lamps... and the cracks and bullet holes she knew adorned the walls, concealed beneath black lacquer coating... and at last to the boy looking at her expectantly, to the child she couldn't imagine he had once been.
"Kaz has known misery, hasn't he? Even more than usual in the Barrel?"
Jesper had looked up from his fidgeting hands to the girl so quickly she wondered how his neck hadn't snapped.
"How'd you know?"
"I'd know it anywhere. The look of someone who's lived in hell and would kill the Saints if it meant he never went back there. It's like looking through the windows of a haunted house. So, so cold and empty... but not quite."
Y/N's head nodded on its own accord.
"I am. I'll work with you, Kaz. You have my word."
Kaz's face lit up for a moment, and she caught the faintest glimpse of the boy he was before—before soot and dirt infected his heart and hands—but it was gone as soon as it had appeared. The preying eyes of the Bastard of the Barrel were back.
"Great. I knew you wouldn't disappoint me."
He got up, set the chair where it had been in the first place. Y/N hadn't moved a muscle, still sitting on her piano stool with her fingers wrapped around the whiskey; whiskey she was pretty sure Kaz detested anyway.
"Play well tonight. Remember? Keep the pigeons coming in."
He shot her a last glance, where she tried to read some remnant of his cheerfulness from seconds before, but it was all gone—only remained the lingering trace of his whistling voice and the very distant echo of Y/N's last notes.
Golden-red light rinsed the Crow Club's stage one last time when Kaz opened the door; then the city swallowed him, and the light, and everything the breeze carried.
tagging; @softeninglooks @maybanksslut (all my writing) @lxncelot @sassyscribbler @teaand-dreams @noesapphic (grishaverse)
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@fantasylitnet event 05 -> Colours
Six of Crows x Colours and their symbolisms
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hey! I love your work! I was wondering if I could get a Kaz imagine where they both know they have feelings for each but neither say anything and there’s just a lot of tension between them. And then one day, the reader has a nightmare and she’s really shaken up and kaz is awake at that time too and they have a moment where he basically confesses he likes the reader without actually saying that. and he links their pinkies to comfort her and it’s a big deal cause that’s a big step for him pls
thank you for a request!
kaz brekker x reader
You were in Kaz’s room, the boy was sitting beside you. A random book that you borrowed from one of the bookstores was in his gloved hands. His brown eyes were glued to the pages of it, and yours were glued to him. His hair was messy, cane somewhere near the bed. You’d come here shortly after you met with Nina at the White Rose, you’d told her the Crows had a job, and she was a key element in going ahead with this plan.
“But what if I kill him?” she’d asked, her eyes placed on her fingers, that she was fidgeting.
“Then it’s only one more body to hide,” you’d sat beside her, on a couch in her room. You took her hand in yours and squeezed it. “Kaz will know what to do.”
“You’re speaking of him in such a gentle tone,” the Grisha had noticed, a playful smile had been on her face. “I don’t think he deserves that.”
“Everyone deserves some love.” You’d winked.
On your way to the club, you were thinking about what had you said. Had you really just confessed your love to the biggest gossip girl in the whole Ketterdam? Yes, you had. You whined, silently. You hoped she wouldn’t tell anyone. You had come straight to Kaz’s room and despite his absence, you’d laid down on his bed. Waiting for him.
“What are you doing here?” he’d asked, when he came into his room.
“I was bored,” you’d yawned. Feeling the tiredness coming. “Wanted to spend some quality time with you.”
He’d rolled his eyes, but still had placed his cane away, and had taken off his coat. You’d given him a book and he’d looked at it carefully, raising his eyebrows. You’d lifted your arm and grabbed your book. You’d yawned again, and made yourself comfortable. Minutes were passing slowly; your eyes involuntarily were drifting to him. Little did you know, his also every few minutes were on you. Yet neither of you said anything. You felt your eyes closing, Kaz’s pillow was getting more comfortable with every second, and you knew it was an outcome of another sleepless night.
Every time you tried to fall asleep, another nightmare made you to wake up, your hands shaking and a scream down in your throat. Every night you woke up and you felt like you just crossed the surface, you couldn’t breathe, panic attack was closer with every one nightmare.
This time, though, your eyes felt heavy. You closed them with a though that you were doing it only for a second, but after some time, you fell asleep.
You saw Nina, she was trembling. Her fist was clenched and she was crying. You wanted to say something, but only a quiet whisper came out. You looked down and you saw a knife in your stomach. You looked behind you and you saw Kaz laying on the ground. His eyes lifeless, you started crying, you focused your eyes on the knife in you and quickly took this out. The blood started pouring, you felt a hand clenching on your arm. You lifted your sight and noticed Nina, her face now bloodied and dirty. She made you get up, but the pain was too hard to take. You laid beside Kaz, intertwining your finger with his. You swore you could feel his fingers squeezing yours, and a barely hearable whisper coming out of his mouth.
“Y/n,” he said, his eyes still lifeless, eyelids closed. “Y/n.”
You opened your eyes, you saw Kaz hoovering over you, his eyes concerned, but focused on your face. Your cheeks were wet, and probably red from embarrassment. You locked his eyes into his and rose your eyebrow.
“Are you okay?” you asked.
“Are you kidding me?” he questioned. “One minute you were laying, calmly, and another one you were crying and saying my name.”
You opened your lips, shocked; you didn’t know you were saying his name. “I had a nightmare.” You said, trying to keep your face blank.
Kaz remained silent for a minute, he was starring at you, looking at every feature on your face. “Do you want to talk about that?”
You sighed, the only person that had known about your episodes was Nina, she knew everything. You tried to stop your voice from trembling. “You were dead.” You whispered.
“You were dead,” your voice was louder, but started shaking. You looked down at your fingers. “I saw your dead body, Kaz.”
He was looking at you, his eyes searching for yours. “Does it happen often?”
“Are they,” he trailed, not sure if he wanted to say something more. “always about me being dead?”
“Majority of them, yes,” you placed you head on one of his pillows, it smelled like him. You faced his direction, waiting for him to do what you did. When he laid on his side, you continued. “But I saw Inej dying, Nina, Jesper and Wylan. Sometimes even Matthias. I think I saw too much death, and I’m afraid that one day, I’ll lose you as well.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, forcefully. He placed his hand, palm down on the space between your pillows. You weren’t sure what he wanted to do, but you did the same. He intertwined your pinkie fingers, taking a deep breath. “I’m not going to leave you alone.”
“Thank you.” You felt your eyes watering, so you closed your eyelids.
“Also,” he started, you looked at him, locking your eyes. “If it helps, you can sleep here.”
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Hello! I love your writing so much! Can you write some kanej with Kaz being protective of Inej? If not that’s completely fine :) thank u!
a/n: okay so I always really struggle with “protective Kaz” things because I feel like he knows that she can most definitely take care of herself and he respects her for that. So this is what I came up with to try and meet in the middle. There’s that scene in Six of Crows where Kaz sends Inej to get rid of Rojakke (is that how you spell it? Idk he was in one scene, his name is not the point) and then when they’re back in his office that night he asks like “Did he put up a fight?” and she says “Nothing I couldn’t handle” and he says “Not what I asked” so thats where the idea for this came from, thank you bye.
word count: 2634
There was something about the floor of the Crow Club that set Kaz at ease.
Its endless cacophony of coins bouncing from table to floor, the spinning of Makkers Wheel, the laughter floating onto the street, and, his personal favorite, the flipping that only accompanied a deck of cards. Somedays he thought he’d be content to shuffle at a table forever.
It was then that Inej pushed through the entryway, shaking off the rain that rarely ceased to pour over the crowded city. She pulled her hood down, her inky hair braided into a long rope laying against her shoulder. Kaz traced every inch of her, as he often did when she entered a room: the slope of her nose, the smile she flashed to the greetings shouted in her direction, the knives strapped to her hips. He tried to ignore the voice in the back of his head that reminded him he’d also be content to be with her forever.
There were times he hated the things that he would notice, hated how his brain slipped past the innocent intention of watching to a sinister place of touch and consequence. He flipped the thoughts over in his head, studying them from every angle like he would a card trick, trying to mold them into different pictures. But the images froze in place anyway; the feel of her skin against his burned like fire, even in an illusion.
Most of all, he hated that he couldn’t force these delusions into reality, couldn’t touch her how he wanted, couldn’t force the bile down and only feel Inej’s warmth.
As she approached him, nodding to the private game rooms at the back of the club, giving him a clear view of her, he saw that something was amiss. Scarlet bloomed through her vest and onto her sleeve, trailing down to her thigh. He followed her, shutting the heavy door behind them and turning its complex series of locks. She’s upright. That’s all you should care about.
“The Exchange was crawling with Stadwatch. Security must be tight since the incident.”
“Did they see you?”
Inej practically scoffed, leaning her weight against the wooden table. “No. But I’m sure they’ll find someone who fits their bill. You know as well as I do, the council will want this quieted soon.”
Kaz nodded. Two weeks ago, the Exchange had been robbed, and though it was never publicly released, Kaz knew exactly what was stolen. After all, he had all the stocks and shipment papers locked in his safe as they spoke.
Roeder had been the one to pull off the job originally, this being one of the few things Kaz had required a spider for while she was busy at sea. He had done a mediocre job, but he was sloppy with locks and leaving the place as he’d found it. Going back to the scene of the crime seemed too risky a gamble but when Inej returned, she knew she could scrape it. And Kaz wasn’t going to start doubting the Wraith’s abilities now.
He flipped through the file she handed him. To anyone else, it may have looked useless, just pages and pages of numbers and times, scratchy handwritten tables filled with nonsense. But to him, and to a mercher with half a whit, this was key to investing. With the talleys and dates in hand, he would know what shipments to bank on and where to place his shares for the next few months.
“As always, the Wraith pulls through.”
Inej nodded and pulled her hood up once more. “You’re welcome.”
Kaz gave her another once over, slower than intended. “What happened?” He blurted, his voice sounding like a low growl in his throat.
Inej looked down at herself, brows knitted, studying the blood on her trousers. “Bullet or two from a guard just shooting at shadows.” With her brief summary of events, she took her weight off the table, readying herself for the journey back into the wet.
Kaz felt a sinking in his chest at the thought of her walking away from him, even if it was just to her apartment, and he hated himself for it. Now especially with her covered in blood, he couldn’t stomach the thought of her leaving. Without meaning to, he had taken himself back to before she had left.
It had been Inej’s last night before heading to sea when they had tried to pretend they were normal, that there wasn’t still so much between them. Kaz sat next to her on his bed, bad leg out in front of him, avoiding her gaze.
“We don’t have to do this at all.”
But he did. Kaz had to prove that he had come further than this. I can best this…
When she set sail the next morning, the feeling of failure settled deep within him, right beside the feeling that this time, he may never get her back from the sea.
Now, he couldn’t help but stop her. “Inej-” he began.
She turned, her hand resting on the doors heavy handle.
He made up the steps between them to stand beside her. Kaz forced himself to give any semblance of explanation, knowing that he’d promised to give her what she deserved and knowing that he was currently failing. “Let me walk with you.”
Inej nodded, dropping her hand as Kaz unlocked the door and opened it for her. He felt awkward, and quite frankly stupid; opening it as if she was some pretty girl that couldn’t handle the difference between whether to push or pull. She strided through anyway and he followed, silently cursing himself and hoping the grimace on his face looked normal for his temperament. Once they’d made it to the street, she slowed to walk beside him.
At first, neither of them spoke. Then, in her gentle and hushed tone, perhaps to avoid his inevitable questions about her evening, “Am I getting a personal escort through the Barrel?”
Kaz needn’t look down to feel the smile in her voice. “Is that what you’d prefer to call it?”
“It isn’t exactly an evening stroll down the canal, is it?”
“I suppose not.” He cringed at the sound of his own rasp, smashing against the lift of her voice like waves against stone. Though from what he could tell, she didn’t do the same. Inej only shrugged, tugging her hood forward against the drizzle.
“I only meant that I should feel lucky to get the King of the Barrel to myself for the night.”
Kaz thought he might keel over. “I am a busy man, but I still find time to survey my kingdom.”
Inej only rolled her eyes and kept her gaze straight forward. A moment of silence nestled between them, leaving only the sound off the East Stave hanging in the air. After fighting with himself for what seemed like far too long, his gaze settled atop her.
Kaz swallowed hard, “Did you miss Ketterdam?” Did you miss me?
She considered his question, and to him, the silence stretched through the air like a rubber band about to break.
“I did. More than I thought I would.” Inej finally relented. Her voice had drifted to a somber place, a quiet stillness replacing the humor she’d had minutes before.
They had turned down a back alley, the darkness consuming them in sore contrast to the dazzling lights of the Stave. Their footsteps echoed in a syncopated rhythm, his awkward gait and cane paired with her near-soundless steps.
Maybe it was the high of having her back, walking next to him through Ketterdam as they’d done so many times before, but he hadn’t realized the direction they’d been walking. They approached the Slat, its crooked frame jutting out from the foundation at a welcoming tilt. He glanced down to Inej once more, watching as she took in the building, trying to see it through her eyes, as he wished to see much of the world.
“Is the Captain afraid of her old nest?”
If he had intended it as a jab, she didn’t take it as such. Inej shook her head once, “It just feels like home…”
She moved before he did, taking a deep breath of the stale air inside as she stepped through the threshold. There was movement, as there always was, but the Slat was quiet this time of night and Kaz was thankful. It meant that, selfishly, he could keep Inej upstairs and to himself for as long as he could come up with things to talk about. Perhaps they’d even sit on his bed and she would allow him to make up for the last time they’d found themselves there.
Kaz marveled at her as she took the creaky stairs ahead of him, the steps creaking beneath his weight after seemingly not registering her. His eyes once again wandered to the blood stains that covered her. He felt a hair-pin trigger go off in his chest and suddenly, there was anger.
Stop that. She isn’t yours to save.
Inej waited for him to open the door, sidestepping as they both now stood on the landing. If Kaz hadn’t just been studying her, he might have missed her change in demeanor and the way she shifted her weight to the wall behind her.
Kaz attempted to even his tone. “How bad are they?”
His voice sounded like stones grinding against one another, “The bullet wounds.”
She shrugged but he could see the stress of the evening in her features. Her limbs seemed heavy and her eyelids fought to open with every blink. With a shove, Kaz unlocked his office door, forcing the warped wood open and, without hesitation, Inej followed him in, taking in the room as she clicked the locks back into place.
He leaned his cane against the makeshift desk and shucked his gloves off as he approached the cabinet beneath his wash basin, digging through its drawers for gauze and shears. Behind him, he heard the familiar creak of his window opening. The smell of rain against the cobblestones wafted toward him.
“Your window seat has felt neglected. Your crows too.”
“Does that mean you stopped feeding them while I was gone?”
No. They reminded me of you. I couldn’t let another piece of you go. “They’re scavengers. I’m sure they managed.”
It was then that Kaz turned to see her standing by his bed. Inej looked up, her cheeks flushing red like she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t have been. He only walked over, setting the bandages on the thin mattress. “So I don’t have to find a heartrender for you.”
“They really aren’t that bad-”
“You’ve bled through your clothes. They’re bad enough.”
Inej cleared her throat as she began removing layers of knives and clothes. Kaz’s eyes roved over her, the pounding in his chest growing louder. He hated it.
Her arms and shoulders were covered in fresh scars, some of them still red and scabbed, and the bruises on her ribs were still deep purple.
“Slavers don’t give up their cargo easily.” Inej’s voice came out with caution, as if she was waiting to see his reaction.
His gaze met hers, voice carving into the air like a rusted blade. “Where are they all now?”
A sense of pride cracked through him as a rare smile settled on his lips. Kaz nodded. “Good.”
She picked up a strip of bandage, wrapping it around the bullet wound on her bicep, silence filling the space between them. Inej didn’t need to look up to feel the weight of his eyes on her. A flush crept to the tops of her ears. “I didn’t want you to see.”
It was rare for Kaz Brekker to be confused and yet, here he was.
“I thought you might kill someone. Or start to doubt that I could handle myself.”
“I could never doubt you. Only a fool would.” It was only after he said it that he realized it had been aloud.
Inej tied off the bandage then glanced down to the blood on her pants.
“No.” She said, finally making eye contact with him again. “Stay.”
For his sake and hers, Kaz turned his head to avoid staring as she shimmied out of the bloodied fabric.
She sat on the edge of the bed and poked around for any bullet fragments, the muscles in her thigh tensing, the dried blood on her skin looking black. Inej was just as strong as ever; all her limbs built of corded muscle coated in the lithe grace of an acrobat, just as he remembered. Despite his better judgement, Kaz took a long look at her.
It’s shame that eats men whole. He could feel it gnawing at him as he attempted to push away the image of her bare thighs against his sheets.
“Kaz, can you-?” She nodded to the scissors, her hands stuck at an awkward angle around her leg, the apprehension on her face clear.
He picked them up and took a deep breath before sitting down beside her. When he leaned over, he was careful not to touch her. Her breath stirred the hair on the back of his neck. One turn of his head and their lips would have been inches apart. This reminded him far too much of the hotel washroom; he only hoped it would end better.
Kaz cut the bandage gently, taking the end from her and tying it, his knuckles grazing against her skin. Panic hit him before anything else, afraid he had overstepped. It took him a moment to realize there was no revulsion roiling through him.
“It’s alright… Thank you.”
He nodded, grabbing what was left of the bandages and the shears and placing them on top of his dresser. Then he opened one of his drawers, rummaging through the mess of clothes until he found what he had been looking for.
Kaz handed her a pair of cotton sleep trousers. “I can’t imagine yours are salvageable.”
Inej smiled, sliding them over her legs. They were huge on her. And though they hadn’t discussed her sleeping arrangements for the evening, it appeared she would be staying there.
He sat back down, staring at his bare hands; the hands that had just graced her without trouble or hesitation. She reached over, threading her fingers through his, and studied him, watching for the shift. But it never came.
“Will you lay with me?”
At that, he looked up.
In front of him was a girl who deserved so much more than Dirtyhands. A girl who made the sea cower and made the sun look dull. A girl who could have done anything she wished in life with ease and grace. And yet- she was sat in his bed, holding his hand, and patiently waiting for the semblances of affection he could provide.
Kaz felt himself nod.
She pushed herself back until she was against the wooden headboard. They both moved slowly, carefully placing their limbs so there was no overlap.
Then, he was laying beside her; both of their heads turned to study each other.
“Thank you.” Inej’s voice nearly a whisper.
The minutes stretched into hours, and Kaz lay listening to her breathing. I will have you without armor.
Well after twelve bells, the cadence of sleep seemed to grab hold of him, weighing heavy on his body. As his eyes drifted shut, he hoped that there would be more nights like this: nights with Inej close by his side and stillness in his mind.
He reached for her hand in the dark and promised he would not let go come morning. He would never let go of her again.
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They love to cook together, but Kaz always has to measure everything and every time Inej just throws in “a dash of this” or “a splash of that” he stares at her like she has absolutely lost her mind.
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MODERN KAZ BREKKER HEADCANNON:
-he grumbles about celebrating his birthday, but every year, Jesper and Inej go halvsies to book a whole day of the most challenging escape rooms they can find, they’ll even make road trips with Kaz to surprise him. Then, by the end of the day, Kaz is grinning like a kid because he got to spend the entire day solving complex puzzles for fun. 🖤
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one last time - (kirigan x reader angst)
Summary: Kirigan relies on you, your mind your soul, your love. You know who he is, and so does he. Sometimes, he wishes that you'd put that aside and see just how much he cares for you
Warnings: Character death, blood
A/N: Prompts list and requests are open as of right now!
You liked to think that the small smile he reserved for you was meaningful. Perhaps even caring, on the off chance, he was feeling more affectionate.
Sometimes when it was just the two of you he held your hand in his, running his thumb back and forth, in a rhythmic pattern.
You knew that he loved you, but just not anymore.
You wanted to blame it on the fact that it was because you were losing touch, but you knew better.
For your lover wasn't even your lover at all.
The faster you run the more your lungs heaved in your chest.
The biting cold wrapped itself around your shawl, settling into your bones until they rattled and your teeth clanked together.
Your feet pattered quickly against the dried leaves, and occasionally you looked behind your shoulder to check that you were alone.
You knew that his horse would have caught up with you any moment now, but the fear just fueled you to go faster, faster than you ever had, and as much as your limits allowed.
There was a small town just a couple of heads away from you, and if you were fortunate enough you could knick a ride on a wagon and get out of this nightmarish life.
But just as the hopeful thoughts swam in your mind, the clacking of hooves battered behind you, and with one swift you saw the black mare treading closer, its ride wearing a mask of clear anger on his face.
Had you been Grisha perhaps you could have done real work on him and slowed him down a bit, but you weren't anything of the sort and you were relying upon and sheer willpower.
And you heard him getting closer and closer, the wind rushing past your ears muffling most of the sound but you felt the vibrations in the ground.
A stiff hand reached down and grabbed at your hood, abruptly stopping you as you tumbled through your feet, your chest moving at an abnormal pace.
"Stop," His voice that once calmed you sent your skin prickling as goosebumps raided through.
You had no choice as his hand was harshly gripping you to stay still as he jumped off his horse, towering slightly over your hunched shape, his eyes swirling with disdain.
And maybe even hurt? You couldn't tell anymore.
"Let me leave, please," You hated pleading to such a monstrous thing, but maybe he could spare you. Maybe if he took pity on you, you could lead a tad bit easier life.
"You have your Sun now, Aleksander," You let out a wobbly and shaky smile, but his frows burrowed even deeper at your words, dropping his hands to his sides when he noticed that he still had his hold on you, "You don't need me anymore."
He scoffed, looking at you from the corner of his eyes as he looked at the nearing village, running his tongue over his lip as he looked back down on the ground.
"You think I'd choose her over you?" He bit out quietly and you sook your head, your hands trembling from the freezing cold, lack of gloves, and overall, fear.
"Aleksander, I know you, you've been after her for so long, so please," He cut you off, snapping up, the rims of his eyes shot with unshed tears.
You knew that under every facade and every mask he put on the deep inside he hated losing. Losing bets, games, and loves.
"Yes, I have been after her for a while." He clenched his jaw, looking anywhere but your trembling form, the sight haunting his mind, knowing that he was the reason for your scare
"But you, Y/n, you're my life." He stepped a step closer to you and you took one back, wrenching your hands out of his as he clasped them together.
"What does Alina mean to me if I can't have you by my side seeing everything we've wished for?" You were shaking your head, tears mixing with his as they fell to the ground, mixing with dirt and rain.
You've known of his plans ever since you knew him, promising each other that you'd see the world brought down to its knees in cruel fate.
But as you grew up from the childish dream, Kirigan never seemed to outlive it.
"You're going to kill countless innocents, I can't-" He barked out a laugh, dropping your hands as if they had burned his.
"Innocents? They kill our friends and family and you call them innocent?" His voice grew an octave and you looked behind you, trying to make a run for it but he stopped you.
"I can't be with you knowing what you mean to do with that poor girl, Aleksander, not when I know what you're capable of." You explained and he snorted, not believing anything you said, but playing along as he went to his horse and dug something out from his pouch.
He threw it to you and you warily caught it, looking inside to find bread and cheese, a knife, and some spare clothing.
You looked up at him in confusion and he shrugged, but his shoulders were still too tense for someone supposedly nonchalant.
"I knew I couldn't change your mind, Y/n. I needed to at least say something to you before I said goodbye." He told you and perhaps for the first time in months he saw that true smile grow on your face, and he felt his heart momentarily crack.
You went to say something but your words were caught in the back of your throat.
"You can go," He cocked his head towards the direction of the village, "No harm will come to you from my men and women," He promised and you nodded slowly, a lone tear slipping from your chin as it splattered near your shoe.
"Thank you," You whispered softly and he nodded stiffly, moving to the side so you could walk past him, "Thank you," You repeated again, and you both knew that this is all you could have said to him.
"Y/n?" He called out and you turned carefully around, waiting for him to say something.
"Could I hold you once more? One last time, please," And had it not been for who he had turned out to be you heard the broken boy behind his last voice, the crack, and change in tone, and so you nodded slowly, walking towards him as you felt his arms quickly wrap around you, his chest heaving so quickly that you were sure the silent sobs were hidden from your view.
"One last time," He whispered, hugging his arms around your waist as tight as he could, "Please."
And Kirigan was truly a man of his word.
He was a man of his word as he plunged the dagger into your side, twisting it so that he made sure that the damage was done.
None of his men and women laid and hand on you, as it was only him who was at fault for your demise.
Aleksander couldn't risk anything, not when he had just gotten the Sun Goddess handed to him.
Or at least that was what he told himself when he lay alone at night, the look of death taking over your face in your final moments, haunting him until he was sure he could no longer breathe knowing that you were no longer there to see his rise nor fall.
One last time is all he asked for, and one last time is all you got.
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Jesper annoys Kaz
and Kaz is like done
but then Jesper teases him on his height and all because he can
so one day
Just plain and simple annoyed
Wears Nina's heels
and stands in front of Jesper-
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All those people who have read the Six of Crows duology, PLEASE go read 'dealing with our demons' on ao3!!!
I cannot recommend this fanfic enough!!! It is literal PERFECTION!!! This fic has brought so much peace and happiness to me.
It is the best fanfic I have ever read!! And at this point, IT IS soc3 for me.
@ravenyenn19 Thank you so much for writing this fanfic!! You are truly amazing!!And I really hope you never stop writing this fic. I just read ch 108 and just WOW. The most perfect character development and I've never been happier!! Excited for the next chapter!! 🤩❤️
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Very sexy of us to watch the shadow and bone series in one night 😗✌🏻
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Six of Crows: Headcanons, AUs, Fanfics
(will update this regularly as i post something new)
1: The Dregs (Kanej, Wesper, Helnik + more)
A series of short stories about the daily lives and the slow development of relationships in the Dregs before the events of SoC.
2: Next Door Neighbors Modern AU (Kanej)
A modern au series of short stories about the Kaz and his neighbour Inej and their slow development of feelings for each-other. Other SoC characters will make occasional appearances.
3: His Saint (Kanej)
4: A Tantalizing Surprise (Kanej)
5: When She's Drunk (Kanej)
6: Indecent Barrel Boy (Kanej)
1: SoC Ships Proposing
2: Helnik + Challenge
3: The Crows with Pets
4: Kanej Hair Headcanon
5: SoC Cooking Headcanons
6: SoC Language Headcanons
7: Kanej Smut Headcanons
8: SoC Ships Sleeping Habits
9: Helnik Dance Headcanon
10: Helnik Child + Kaz (Uncle Demjin)
11: SoC High School Headcanons
12: SoC 3 Plot Idea #1
13: SoC 3 Plot Idea #2
14: Kanej AU - dockworker & suli acrobat
1: Five year old Kaz Rietveld meets the Crows and his older self, Kaz Brekker
2: The Dregs Carnival AU
3: Kanej Vigilante AU
♥ Aesthetic Boards
1: Kanej AU: Vampire & Priestess
2: Kanej AU: Adventurers
3: Kanej AU: Vigilantes
4: Kanej Modern AU: Fake Dating
5: Kanej: SoC themed board
6: Helnik AU: Ball
7: Helnik AU: Jealousy
8: Helnik AU: Red Riding Hood & Big Bad Wolf
9: Wesper AU: Fake Dating
10: Wesper: SoC themed board
11: Kanej AU: Co-CEOs
12: Kanej AU: Jack & Sally
13: Kanej AU: Orpheus & Eurydice
14: Kanej AU: Pride and Prejudice
15: Kanej AU: Lucifer
16: Kanej AU: Midnight Date
17: Kanej AU: Dockworker & Suli Acrobat
18: Kanej: Post Crooked Kingdom
19: Kanej AU: Tangled
20: Kanej AU: Batman & Catwoman
( divider by @firefly-graphics )
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His armor || Kaz Brekker one shot
Greyro Kaz Brekker. This is all I have to say about this fic.
@readingwonders and I were talking about greyro/aro-spec Kaz so... 👀 We make up a lot of headcanons and this fic basically wrote itself
Kaz took off his gloves, carefully, and put them on his desk. He started to wash his hands, frowning while thinking about the next step they should take in their plan.
Nothing in the room specifically moved, no sounds were made. But he still knew, as well as he knew his gloves, that Inej was in the room.
“You can take a break tonight, you know?” he said, without turning around.
In the corner of his eyes he saw Inej. She sat on the edge of the window.
“You too but here we are.”
Kaz suppressed his sigh and turned around.
“It's not like that and you know it.”
Inej arched an eyebrow but didn't say anything.
Kaz dried her hands and sat on the chair, immediately grabbing a stack of documents.
“By the way,” Inej said and stood up, approaching him. She was soundless. “I brought you what you asked for.”
She put a pure white ring in front of him, shining on the moonlight. Kaz stared at it without moving.
He scolded himself for asking Inej to bring him one. It was a momentous desire, impulse, that was harmless enough to ask Inej for it when she had time.
“Good,” he said, keeping his expression carefully blank. The ring was cold against his skin, a symbol that Kaz thought may mean something to him. Now he hated himself a little for giving so much thought for something meaningless to his goal.
He put it on the last drawer, not bothering to look at it. He couldn't look at Inej.
“What is this ring for, Kaz?” Inej asked. In the darkness in the room, exposed to the moonlight, she looked like a half shadow, healed by the light.
“A thread I decided I didn't need,” he said, staring at a document in his hands. He couldn't read a thing.
Inej was silent for a moment.
“I don't think so,” she said.
Kaz didn't say anything. With the corner of his eye she saw her moving. She was leaving.
“Wait,” his voice sounded surprisingly steady.
He remembered what she said when he confessed he wanted her to stay. It was the closest thing he probably would ever say to a love confession and it wasn't even that. She said she will have him without armor or she will not have him at all.
There were these little moments, reckless perhaps, that dared to show up only in the dark. Moments when Kaz wanted to tear himself apart for her to have him, see him and see she was the only one who will ever see him like this.
Was the ring part of his armor now? Along with the gloves and the cane? Was this the reason Inej didn't press him for answers? Was his armor so thick even the Wraith couldn't see through it?
Sharp mind, a limp and a pair of gloves against the merciless Ketterdam. What else did he have outside his armor? All his demons, real and imaginative, waiting to eat him alive.
Sometimes armor is all you have. And sometimes you need to take it down. Even for a bit.
“Are you familiar with,” Kaz said slowly, “the term aromantic?”
Inej's gaze was fixed on him, pinning his heart into place. She tilted his head.
“No,” Kaz shook his head. “Asexual is a person who experience little to none sexual attraction. Aromantic is someone who experiences little to none romantic attraction.”
She slowly nodded. “Make sense.”
“They both are spectrums,” Kaz continued. “They're like a mirror to each other but don't always go together. The symbol of asexuality is the black ring. The white ring… is for aromanticism.”
He saw in her eyes the moment she realized. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. She knew Kaz wasn't done.
“I am on the aromantic spectrum,” he said. His throat was a little dry and he was sweating. He took a deep and quick breath. “I suppose the term that fits me is greyromantic since in my life I have experienced romantic attraction extremely rarely and under certain circumstances.”
The label was as unnecessary as this conversation. Pointless beyond words. How could a simple word describe the complex gamma of his aromanticism?
Inej nodded again, warm in her gaze.
“Thank you for telling me this,” she said softly. “I think it's wonderful.”
“Don't mention it,” Kaz said, looking at his documents again.
“Would it be okay if I ask something?”
After a second Kaz nodded. If it was anyone else Kaz probably would have kicked them out of the room. Hell, they wouldn't have this conversation at all. But for Inej it was always a yes.
“Will you wear the ring?”
The fingers of the hand that had held the ring trembled. He clenched it into a fist.
“I don't know.”
Inej smiled slightly. A soft sunbeam in the dark room.
“I hope you do. Even if it's under the gloves.”
Kaz didn't hear her open the door or saw her leaving through the window, but he knew she was gone.
“Alright,” Kaz said. “Here is a copy of the list.” He headed it to Nina. “Inej and I will go inside the mansion, Jesper and Matthias are at the club and Nina and Wylan are the distraction. Questions?”
“What about the guards at the tower?” Wylan asked. “They can see the mansion very clearly even if Nina and I are dancing like monkeys with glitter.”
“What a cute monkey you would be,” Jesper grinned. Wylan went pink.
Matthias gave him a sympathetic look.
“They will be taken care of,” Kaz said. “This night only one will be on watch since the tower is locked. I will talk with him while Inej is breaking inside the mansion.”
“Why not me? Isn't that what I and Wylan are here for?”
Because Nina wouldn't be able to seduce him, Kaz thought. He wouldn’t leave his guard to fool with someone. And anything less wouldn’t distract a guard enough to make him look away from where we are.
“I have seen him before, in the club,” Kaz said. It was an accident but Kaz wouldn’t say it to them. He remembered the guard clearly. Coffee eyes and loud laugh. A black ring on his middle finger on his right hand. A white one on the other middle finger. Mirroring each other but different. That's why he knew he could distract him. He would talk with another aro. “And know with certainty he can’t be seduced.”
Jesper frowned. “How come?”
“He is aro ace,” Kaz said finally.
The room was silent for a moment. Then Jesper nodded.
“Yeah, fair enough. Are we sure though? He may have a wife or secret lover.”
“I’m sure,” Kaz just said.
“How do you know that, demjin?” Matthias snorted. “You read his diary?”
“Leave it alone,” Inej said quietly, but no person in the room missed her words. Jesper shrugged. Wylan looked uneasy. Nina had a curious gaze.
“Because,” Kaz said, frustrated with himself. He could have handled this better. “I wear the same ring as him.” He took off his left glove. The white ring, almost silver on the light, was on his hand, warmed by Kaz’s skin. “And a white ring on the left middle finger means the person is on the aromantic spectrum.”
The crows blinked. Inej nodded at him with an encouraging smile. Wylan’s mouth was agape. Jesper tried to say something but the ringing of the bells interrupted him. They had to go.
“Come on,” Kaz said, grabbing his cane. He stood up. “We have work to do.”
They stood up as well, everyone heading for the door. Only Wylan dared to look at him and Inej as he was leaving the room.
“You know,” Inej said. She was next to him. “They’re not shocked you’re aro-spec. They’re shocked because you told them.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Kaz said. He did think it. But it didn’t mean part of him didn’t care.
Kaz put the stolen item on the safe, narrowing eyes at it. It wasn’t anything too expensive but it was pretty.
Kaz closed the safe and turned to Wylan. He raised an eyebrow.
“Um, Inej explained some stuff to us,” Wylan said. “And I know you probably don’t really care but,” he shrugged. “Be ready Jesper to make silly puns about arrows. And for Nina to look everyone for white rings,” Wylan smiled. “Even Matthias was super cool about it. He doesn’t understand it but he’s cool.”
Something light fluttered in his chest. The foggy dread in his stomach eased. He was glad he didn’t have to deal with their questions and honestly - their reaction.
But Wylan looked like he wanted to say something more.
“You are right,” Kaz finally said. “I don’t care.”
He took his cane which was propped up on the wall.
“Uh-oh,” Wylan said. “I...” Kaz stared at him. Wylan nervously held the edge of his shirt. “I'm a-spec too,” he blurted.
Kaz could only blink. “What...”
“I mean,” he smiled sheepishly. “I’m figuring things out. I’m not sure where I fit yet. Just wanted you to know this.”
Then he turned and left before Kaz could react. His steps could be heard as he was walking, more and more quiet.
Just then, Kaz allowed himself one small smile.
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Could you do a Kaz x reader where the reader have to "cheat on him" (not in relationship but like she goes to another gang) because someone's threatening her and when he discovers she was just trying to protect him and the gang she dies
A/N: Hi! Thank you so much for a request, I've been wanting to write some angst for a really long time! I hope it is as hurtful as you wished, enjoy xx
TW: angst, blood, killing
kaz brekker x reader
Your hands were sweaty and shaking. You crossed your arms on your chest in order to hide that. You didn’t like being threatened, especially by some amateurs. But it wasn’t a threat against you, it was against your family in Novyi Ziem. You had to use your whole will power to not kill them right there and then.
“Why do you think I’d do anything you want me to?” you asked snapping your gaze between a woman and a man in front of you. “You don’t know anything about me and my family you assume I have.”
“Oh, y/n, but we know everything. For instance, your little brother is playing as we talking on your vast field, your parents are watching him with so much love in their eyes,” woman with blonde hair spoke first, describing the scene so vividly that you almost showed an emotion on your face. “maybe they have already forgotten about you? Maybe your mother is pregnant so they could fill a blank you left in their home.”
“Shut up, you think you’re so smart, aren’t you?” you snapped, face blank and mind filling with memories from times when you were as young as your brother was then, playing on the exact same field. “I will never betray Kaz, and you should know that.”
“Oh sweetie,” the guy beside walked closer to you, you made a step, in order to make some distance between you and them. “we’re not asking you to betray him, we’re asking you to leave this silly gang and join us, Pekka Rollins would be really happy if you did.”
“You two are much denser than I thought, if you think I want to make him happy.”
“You don’t have a choice.” Blonde said, making you shiver. “We have someone who would be pleased to kill this little family of yours. I don’t think you want them dead, even though they think you are, in fact, dead.”
You started to think about that. Crows were your friends and you love them. Inej and Nina always found various ways to make you cheerful when your day wasn’t the best, Jesper taught you how to use a pistol and flirted with you like his life depended on it. Wylan was like a sun in rainy days, even if you loved them, you also loved this boy and his stupid jokes. Matthias was funny to tease, he always was saying how awful you and the girls were, but you could also see this little twitch of his lip corner when he tried to suppress his laugh. And there was Kaz, your beginning wasn’t the pleasant one, you nearly killed him when you saw him for the first time, and in revenge he left you in the Barrel for the whole night, all alone. But after that, you started falling for him, and you fell hard. You couldn’t exactly point out when that happened, but you were sure you’d anything to save him from himself. He had tough personality, he cared only for money and how he could invest it to get the whole city only for himself. But he let you do that with him, barley sleeping and when you did it was in the same bed. Arm-length gap but you always were less exhausted than when you were sleeping in your own bed. You loved him and the rest of the Crows, but you loved your family more. And you knew what you had to do.
“Bitch.” You murmured. “Fine, whatever. Just stay the hell out of my family. And the gang.”
“We knew you’d make a right decision. Pekka will send money to Per Haskell in order to buy your contract. You won’t regret that.”
“I already do.”
After that day, you were about to start living with your new gang, family, like Pekka had said to you the previous day, he’d also told you to not worry about your parents and brother, that they were safe as long as you were working with him, willingly.
You wouldn’t call this willingly, but you guessed it was enough to prevent your family from any harm coming from Pekka and his stupid gang. You hated being here, you missed the Crow Club, late night talks with Inej and Nina, and helping Kaz with buying new ships. You wanted nothing more than to escape, but you couldn’t. Kaz and Crows could fight and kill, whereas your family was vulnerable, they couldn’t even hurt a fly. You spent the whole evening in your empty room. Window with grids making you shiver, you felt like a prisoner you were.
“We have a job for you.” The blonde girl who captured you came in, like it was her cell, not yours. “Behave and perhaps we’ll get rid of those grids.”
You wanted to punch her, you didn’t even know her name, it wasn’t even relevant, your hand was itching. You took a long, calming breath and looked at her, frowning. “I thought it was another week until you’d trust me enough to even open my window.”
“You’ve been here for two weeks. Plans have changed, we need you right now, so cut the attitude and come with me.”
You rolled your eyes and went after her, going up the stairs and leaving the place Pekka’s gang lived. You took another deep breath, smelling the awful scent of Ketterdam, smoke and money as Kaz used to say. Gods, you missed him.
“Where are we going?” you asked, falling into step with the girl, there were only the two of you, you assumed the rest will be somewhere where you were going. “What’s the job?”
“Can’t you just shut up? You’ll know when we’re there.”
You really wanted to punch her, still you said nothing, you wouldn’t get anything from her. It was dark on the city’s streets, buildings high enough to cover the moon, didn’t let its shine to light up the roads. You were annoyed and cold, your hair was swaying with the wind, goose bumps poking on your skin.
“Here.” Blonde said, handing you a pistol. “If you kill someone from ours, you’re dead before you take your last breath.”
You rolled your eyes, hiding your gun into the pocket of a coat you had. The metal was cold, making your hands even colder than they were before. Now when you had a real gun, not only your knife, perhaps you’d be able to escape. But where would you go? You were sure Kaz knew where you were, perhaps thinking you betrayed him, that thought only made you feel guilty in your guts, he trusted you and you chose people who you hadn’t seen for years over him. You had to escape, the cost didn’t matter.
When you came to the place, you saw a guy from Pekka’s gang and Kaz. Both of them were talking, but members of both groups had their guns or blades taken out. The Dirtyhands had his black coat, and his walking stick, as always. Jesper also was beside him, hands on his gun belt, ready to take them out and fire. You were more than sure that Inej was also there, somewhere on the roof or in the shadows, waiting and prepared to fight.
“We have men everywhere, two on roofs, one behind the bridge. All of them have guns pointed on you and your previous friends. I hope you know what that means.” The girl said, eyeing you. You only nodded, worrying too much about the Crows to even snap at her. “Good, now go and wait for a signal.”
You did as you were told, you hid somewhere behind a building, trying to recall every piece of information you gathered while snooping on guards or using the fact that they didn’t always close your doors. You had to find someone and tell them, you couldn’t waste any more time.
You poked your head out, searching for Matthias or Wylan. You doubted Nina would be here, since she was still working in the pleasure house. You were sure Wylan was there with his explosion ready to, well, explode. You cursed under your breath, when you couldn’t spot any of them, panic getting out of you with frustration. Someone from the Dime Lions would notice you’re not somewhere where they could spot you.
You crossed the narrow lane, as you noticed Matthias, you whistled hoping he would look into your direction. He turned his head and spotted you, anger on his face visible even in the dark. You cringed, knowing you’d get beaten up.
“You’ve got some nerve,” He said, his voice low. “after you started working with them, you have the audacity to come here.”
“Listen, I didn’t have a choice,” your voice so close to start begging him for forgiveness. “It was about my family.”
He looked at you wordlessly, confusion painting his face. Of course, he didn’t know you had a family, why would he. After a second, the ire came again. “You’re lying.”
“I'm not, I want to help you.”
“Oh, so now you did that to help us?”
“Matthias, I’m begging you, just let me tell you what I learnt.” You pleaded, your voice small. “Pekka wants to kill you as you’re standing, he has those new guns that can shoot you from really long distance.”
“What?” he looked alarmed, “We have to tell Kaz. Come.”
You let out a breath, it wasn’t the best look he sent you, but at least he didn’t leave you here. You told him everything you knew, he listened but his face still didn’t have pleasant expression.
You took out your gun, making your way behind the dumpster, hiding in shadows. You tried to calm your nerves, but the adrenaline had already kicked in. Matthias and you startled when you heard a shot, then another. You sent yourselves a knowing look, taking a step closer to the place where Kaz and the other guy were talking. Jesper had his guns out and Kaz was looking at the boy in front of him with disgust. You saw one of the Dregs were bleeding, you lifted your gun, targeting the closest one from the Dime Lions and fired. The bullet hit the girl in her stomach, making her stumble and fall to the ground. You hid yourself behind the wall and waited. Matthias sent you a look and you only lifted your arms, not knowing what to said.
After that, guns started firing, screams were everywhere. You saw the blonde girl that came here with you, standing with her pistol, aiming Kaz. You shot without looking, trying to hit her in an arm, you heard her scream and saw how the gun was laying on a ground. You looked up and saw that Kaz was looking at you, his face blank and unreadable. Jesper beside him, shooting people and screaming at Wylan to explode. The sound of explosion came from the roof, exactly where members of Lions were, you let out a shaky breath and made a step into the fight. Matthias fighting with his fists, slowly making his way toward Kaz, you tried to help him clear the path by shooting few people either in their heads or legs.
Your hands were tired, your head pounding but you were fighting hard, you had to make this in order to confess Kaz the whole truth. When you were close to him, he locked his eyes into yours.
“We have to talk.” You told him, lowering your tone. “Please.”
“This is not the best time to talk, y/n” the way he said your name made you shivered. It wasn’t an intimate way, it was with so much poison in only one word. “Why aren’t you fighting with your new gang?”
“Kaz, please, I’m trying to help.” You voiced, your eyes burning with sweat that slowly dripped from your forehead.
“Whatever.” He smacked an opponent with his cane, you only heard the sound of cracked bone and a loud thud when the enemy fell to the ground.
You two were fighting as you had before Pekka came into your life. Kaz understood you without any words, knew exactly where he should cover you because you couldn’t. Your movements were precise, keeping people away from Kaz’s vulnerable leg. You were fighting in a harmony, you kept your focus on people you had to kill, you shot them without any hesitation. When your bullets ended, you took out your knife and started stabbing everyone who wanted to stab you.
“I– “you paused, feeling a pain in your abdomen. You looked at Kaz, but he was looking at your lower stomach, you placed your gaze there and you saw blood. A lot of blood, then you felt pain, you stumbled, but Kaz placed his hand on your waist, slowly letting you fall on the ground. Your whole stomach was on fire, slowly burning you with its flame.
“Don’t you even dare dying here, messing my coat with your blood” he said, caressing your cheek. You chuckled, tasting blood on your tongue. “Don’t even think about it, y/n.”
“I’m–, please forgive me, Kaz” you murmured, hoped your words were understandable. “I was trying to save my family, but you’re my family too.”
“Y/n, I forgive you, but I’m begging you, don’t close your eyes” his voice filled with regret, eyes burning with anger, but you knew it wasn’t toward you. “Keep your eyes open.” He yelled at someone, but you couldn’t understand either it was Jesper or Matthias.
“Tell them I love them” you started to give up, your eyelids slowly closing. “I love you, Kaz Brekker.”
“Y/n, please don’t leave me” he tried to keep his voice from cracking, but he failed.
But you didn’t hear that, you had your eyes closed, hand that was laying on your stomach, now laying on the ground. He carefully removed his arm and got up. He spotted a blonde girl, smirking and looking at him, she slowly lifted her pistol, mockingly swaying it. She winked at him and still with a smirk, she left. Kaz made a promise he would kill her, he would do it for him. And for you.
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