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#social boundaries? never met her
briarhips · 2 years
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So I come home to learn that my preteen brother was pushed onto the concrete by two desi boys older than him repeatedly when he wasn’t even playing w them to the point of needing bandages and in typical her fashion my mother is against “escalating” things by holding ppl accountable, comforting anyone’s mothers, or doing literally anything but get mad at everyone in the house :)
#i swear to god she does NOT care abt the right things when someone has been wronged like EVER#and then she got mad at my brother and I for being angry and rude and aggressive… and denied that she ever was against my brother blocking#those kids before on social media bc ofc she did. when I literally vouched so hard for it in the past#she says ‘we still have to live in this community’ I’m sorry but fuck desis at large I’ve met plenty of wonderful desis but I’ve never known#our collective disappear societies to not be toxic cesspools of shameless conniving smug arrogant gossips#it’s not even a scared weak willed type of hesitation to do anything rn it’s a firm confident no#but how much do desis brush aside and enable in the interest of keeping together groups of ppl who are terrible for and to each other I’m#sick ! loll#there’s just nothing worse to her than holding ppl accountable or establishing boundaries this is sm of why we fight#she thinks it’s simple hard hearted ness instead of making sure ur not everybody’s dog#mine#it’s not like he’s hospital heavily damaged but it’s also not smth I ever imagined would happen I mean wtf. those boys have always been#trouble but not like this. and my mother is just like if I tell their mother she’ll not care bc she knows what they’re like#absolutely not the point but she started tone policing me rather than try to get that simple sentiment thru her impenetrable#senseless common sense averse head#*diaspora societies#I’m related to such stupid fucking ppl it makes me bleak I’m sorry#and then she denies it when I tell her if I got married u would be my husband’s biggest ally if he were abusive or cruel#i am not asking for mobs or pitchforks or police involvement or execution lol I’m asking for the most basic parent things to be done#if i was my mother’s ideal child I’d be a perpetual victim. that’s it that’s all. nothing else except perhaps a robot or maid
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homunculus-argument · 7 months
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Imagine living in a mining town on the border of some uninhabited land. One day, you're just about to leave for work, when you notice that there's some guy sitting on the hood of your car. And also that your car appears to have been turned into solid gold. The guy - who was clearly sitting there waiting for you - turns to address you. He states the exact boundaries of a specific area of the land next to the mining site, and tells you to stop fucking mining there.
You tell him that you're not the boss of the company, it's not up to you where the mining is going to go. He says he's aware of it, but he wants you to make it happen. He's willing to exchange gifts for it, the car for one, and also your unborn little niece will be born in perfect health, and never suffer illness for a single day for her entire life until her requested time of death, at the age of 119. You weren't aware that your sister is having a girl - and neither probably do they - but somehow you don't doubt that this creature is speaking the truth.
Yes, creature. Now that you got a proper look, this guy really isn't all that human. The amount of teeth and fingers he has seems to shift and alter, occasionally when he twirls his hands in gestures, they momentarily tilt into angles that human joints shouldn't shift into. And you do see a lot of his teeth and movements of his hands as he keeps talking, gesturing wildly as he does, clearly irate.
He doesn't have the time to start digging into human social structures, or to bother figuring out who are the ones in charge of where the digging goes. He wants you to find them and talk to them. He can't really tell people apart, but what he can do is offer splendid and fabulous gifts in return for the favour. And if that won't work, he can kill people so easily it's not even funny.
All he's asking for is that you stop digging at that specific area. He doesn't want humans there. He can offer gifts to people, individual humans, and tell them to make it happen, one way or another. Or else he'll start killing people. He doesn't want to, but he can, and if his requests aren't met, he will decimate this entire fucking town.
You promise to do your best, and notice a few more golden cars on your way as you walk to work. There's several more people on the way that you pass on foot, some of whom are people you can clearly recall seeing in a wheelchair, or no longer using crutches. You don't need to look them in the eye to know they met the creature, too. You've all just met humanity's version of the guy who would rather use sugar cubes to bribe ants into not spreading their anthill into his living room, than call an exterminator.
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hellsite-detective · 3 months
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Could you please tell the story of how you and Madame Curator got together? I love those kinds of stories!
ah! a wonderful story that i love telling!
see, me and Madame Curator met on tumblr! no surprise there. i was just going about my day when suddenly i started getting all of my queerplatonic yearning posts on my main blog spam liked. i looked to see who was doing it and noticed she was also reblogging a lot of them. i went to the blog she was reblogging them to and noticed her pinned post was all about wanting a qpr, and she specifically wanted the exact same things i wanted!
so, because i’m socially awkward and don’t know how to just message people, i opened my ask box on my main blog. and by some miracle she sent an ask in! specifically saying that she hopes im able to find a queerplatonic relationship one day. after that, i messaged her and was like “heeyyyy so you seem super cool!! we should talk moooore” and then we did talk more! and like… two weeks of constant messaging later, i messaged her and was like “hey so i kinda maybe possibly want to be in a qpr with you!” but in a super vague way. she said she wasn’t interested and we went about our conversations like normal
the next day! she messaged me being like “okay actually remember when you asked me out? well i think we should revisit that because i maayyybe realized i like you too.” then a couple days later we had a detailed discussion about what we would both want out of a queerplatonic relationship and setting boundaries and then we just ended up together!!
i’ve never believed in “soulmates” (i’m too aroace for that) but after everything that’s happened with her… i’ve started believing it. she’s just amazing and i’m so glad that i met her!
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shenachigans · 1 year
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I OWE YOU | Wednesday Addams
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PAIRING: Wednesday Addams x Gn!Reader
CW: fluff, Wednesday and Y/n are not dating yet, harmless threats, sudden outburst because of trauma, mentions of trauma, Wednesday and Y/n have a crush on each other
SUMMARY: Wednesday accidentally reawakens a trauma, so she makes it up to you by letting you hug her, which turns into her spooning you on Enid’s bed.
A/N: First time writing for Wednesday and writing fluff.
WORDS: 2,450
(FANFIC IS UNDER THE CUT!)
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Ever since Wednesday first attended Nevermore, she would often see you in her and Enid’s dorm to fool around with your best friend. Bursts of laughter, blasting music, and gossip would resonate from the bright side of the dorm room to the plain yet elegant black and white side of the room. 
At first, Wednesday thought of the liveliness of Enid’s side of the dorm as a nuisance—an obstacle that prevents her from focusing on writing her novel. However, as months passed during the semester, she didn’t mind your presence. 
Wednesday would rather carve her eyes out than admit it to your face though. The tingling and unusual sensations she felt on her chest whenever you were around irked her. It was out of her character to feel attraction towards you, but love works in complicated ways. She grew fond of the thrill of breaking character—her way of saying how she loved the feeling of liking you.
When you first met Wednesday, you didn’t mind her too much, but you weren’t scared of her like the other students were when she first came to the school. She was just there, tagging along with you and Enid, but you never found her to be a problem despite her gruesome past and rumors. She was likable, but you put your feelings aside because you knew she wasn’t looking for a relationship, let alone romance.
You grew comfortable in her presence and treated her like any other while respecting her boundaries. Which boundaries? Physical contact boundaries. It was hard not to randomly tackle someone you knew into a hug as it was your love language, but you tried your best not to make Wednesday uncomfortable. You wish you could hug her at least once in your life. You always told her why you wouldn’t touch her so she wouldn’t misunderstand—if she cared anyway.
Wednesday never told you how bloody adorable you were when you apologized for accidentally sharing a skinship. However, she also wanted you to disrespect her boundaries. She also craved what others experienced—your stubble touches and death-gripping hugs. 
She wanted to feel more of your warmth against her cold-stone skin—another thought she would only think of when it was about you. She curses herself when she feels an irking feeling in her guts when she sees your arm wrapped around Enid’s as you three walk. Thing would always tease her for being touch-starved for you, even if he received threats as his replies.
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Today is the first time Enid left you alone with Wednesday after she ran off like a leopard when Ajax suddenly asked her out. You didn’t want to leave Wednesday on her own just because Enid left. Hence, you stayed and waited until your best friend came back.
It was much quieter than the usual energetic night, but you nor Wednesday found the silence awkward. You two silently did your things as she dedicated an hour to her novel while casually having—well, trying to have small talks in between. Wednesday was not one to be disturbed while she wrote.
Thing was there to keep you company until Enid returned. He was an interesting fellow because he was only a hand, but he’s a sweetheart. You took selfies and played games on your phone with him until you two parted ways, as you scrolled on your social media while he read magazines from Enid’s shelf. You eventually fell asleep on your best friend’s bed after getting tired of not doing anything.
Wednesday didn’t notice your sleeping form until she had finished her hour of writing her novel. Thing even told her multiple times, but she ignored the poor appendage. After neatly stacking her finished pages in a pile, she looked at your figure, peacefully sleeping on her roommate’s bed as your chest rose and dropped with each breath.
She rose from her seat and approached you, making your soft snores audible to her ears. The bed dipped as she climbed on the bed to grab your unlocked phone to put it aside. Before she pressed the off button, she saw a selfie of you, Enid, and her winning the Allen Poe cup as your wallpaper. The smile she adores that adorned your face was so contagious it made her lips twitch upwards. She then closed your phone and placed it on Enid’s side table. 
Wednesday sat on the bedside and watched your sleeping figure—curled into fetus position—with soft eyes. She leaned in to kiss your forehead as if someone had controlled her body to do so. As soon as her lips touched your skin, you flinched awake as if you had a nightmare. 
Your instincts made you grip Wednesday’s shoulders and slam her onto Enid’s bed as you straddled her. You and Wednesday were caught off guard—eyes wide and huffing from the sudden actions as you looked at each other. You looked at her as if she was an assassin sent to kill you during your slumber, not your friend.
“How dare you,” you gritted as you looked down at her with stern eyes—an expression she hadn’t seen on your face before, catching her off guard again. It must’ve been because of the murderous intent that shone in your eyes as you looked at her. 
Wednesday thought you were always rainbows and butterflies, but she was mistaken. Everyone has a dark side buried within their hearts, and you only masked it with your joyful and innocent mask. She does want to see that side of you—how gruesome your other self was—but tonight was not the right time.
She tried to cup your cheek to get you out of your trance, but you gripped her wrists and pinned them above her head, burying them onto your best friend’s bed. Shen then huffed and called your name with tenderness without realizing it.
“Y/n L/n, calm down,” Wednesday muttered. Her voice snapped you out of your little world, and your eyes widened when you realized the position you forced upon you two. You quickly got off Wednesday and crossed your legs before her as she did the same. 
“Sorry. Instincts,” you muttered as you looked down, embarrassed by your sudden outburst. “Normies would sneak up on me and do bullshit during my sleep before I went to Nevermore—became a habit, y’know?”
You thought you stopped attacking people who touched you as you slept, but it seemed that Wednesday proved you wrong. You knew you, Thing, and Wednesday were the only ones in the dorm, so you didn’t need to react like that. 
Was it because her touch felt so foreign?—something you never thought she would do? Did you suddenly attack her because the chills you felt from the warm touch of her lips caught you off guard and made you think she was someone else?
“Trauma should be the right word,” Wednesday stated as she looked at you with her signature death stare before looking down to massage her wrists to release the tension from your death grip. “Do that again, and you will have to sleep with an eye open.”
“Very funny, Addams,” you chuckled before getting up from the bed to leave Enid and Wednesday’s dorm to head to your own since it was getting late. Enid must’ve lost track of time and forgotten how she left you in the dorm With Wednesday because of Ajax. “I’d like to see you try. It’d be a challenge for you since I barely sleep.”
“Where do you think you are going?” Wednesday asked as she raised a brow—eyes following your figure as you shuffled about to get out of bed. She can’t have you leave now that you two are alone for the first time without any prying eyes. She needed to do something before you retired to your dorm. “I don’t remember telling you to leave.”
You were taken aback by the tone of her voice, as it was something you’d never heard from her before. You two are constantly surprising each other, and you find that quite romantic. First, you catch her off guard with your outburst. Second, she surprises you with her unusual tone. 
“I don’t remember needing your permission to leave, Wednesday Addams,” you jokingly shot back as you returned to your sitting position on Enid’s bed. You cross your arms and lift your chin to look down at her to return her unspoken staring challenge. “I’m going to my dorm since it’s late. Why are you asking me to stay, hm? Longing-for-my-presence much?”
“Embrace me,” she simply states, making you choke on air from the sudden command. She looked at you with furrowed eyebrows as you went on a coughing fit. “Don’t die a dull death, Y/n.”
“Y-You want ME to hug YOU?” you mumbled, flabbergasted, as you regained your composure—patting your chest as you did to help you breathe. “Never thought THE Wednesday Addams would request a hug from a plain, old me.”
“It was not a request. It was a command. I’m only doing this because it seems that I reawakened a trauma of yours. Consider it as returning what I owe you,” Wednesday glared as her arms slowly spread wide, expecting you to jump in her arms as you did with others. “Don’t sit there and wait until I change my mind.”
“Of course, of course, your highness,” you teased before approaching Wednesday. Your comment made her furrow her brows with discontent, and her arms fall to her sides. Your teasing went too far, it seems. “W-Wait! I was just joking!”
Wednesday had already gotten out of Enid’s bed as pleas spilled from your mouth. She looked down at you with a bitter expression—not that you could notice—before she spun on her heel to walk to her bed. Before she could take a step, you had stood on your knees on the bed and hugged her from behind, catching her off guard. She noticed it was different from your bone-crushing embraces as it was gentler, but she liked it.
“I got carried away,” you mumbled against Wednesday’s back as you wrapped your arms around her waist, securing her in place. Her hands gently held onto your hand, making you tighten your hold on her as you thought she was breaking free, but she didn’t. “You’re huggable material, Addams. It’s cute—you’re cute,” you chuckled, content with the embrace.
“Describe me with the word ‘cute’ again, and I will not hesitate to chop your tongue off with a butcher’s knife,” Wednesday muttered as she turned to face you, making your head press on her chest. She looked down at you and saw how you looked up at her with mischievous eyes as if you were content with irritating her. “You can let go now. It seems that your usual self is back.”
“Oh, no, no. I’m still traumatized, Wednesday,” you countered and buried your face further against her. She stiffly stood there as you hogged her body to yourself. She didn’t return the embrace, but you were grateful for the one-sided embrace as it was better than nothing. 
You basked in her coldness, but you could feel a slight warmth near her heart. It was comfortable, and you were happy. You two stayed in that position until you opened your eyes when an idea crossed your mind. You let her go to proceed with your plan, but you missed the slight scowl that painted her face.
“This sudden adrenaline rush won’t make me calm down easily. I command you to give me cuddles,” you huffed and pointed at her, then at Enid’s bed before laying down in a fetal position. “You’re the big spoon. Now, come,” you smiled as you patted the spot behind you. “This is part of what you owe me.”
Wednesday stood there like she was rethinking her life decisions by letting you embrace her. You simply lay there and waited for her to comply with your command. She huffed when you had no plans of changing your mind and proceeded to tuck herself into bed, not spooning you—laying on someone else’s bed was embarrassing enough for her.
“Suit yourself,” you huffed at her stubbornness, which you found cute, before succumbing to darkness again as all the adrenaline seeped out of your body as quickly as it came. 
After a few minutes, Wednesday laid on her other side to face your back, watching you sleep. You weren’t in a deep sleep Wednesday thinks because you were still aware of your surroundings. She eyed your sleeping figure before scooting closer and hesitantly draping an arm around your waist. 
At first, the position was awkward since Wednesday hadn’t embraced someone in bed before, but she got more comfortable when she relaxed her tense body since she found your warm soothing. She buried her face in the crook of your neck, basking in your soothing scent and lulling her to sleep. She can’t believe she’s letting her pride fail her for something as trivial as this.
“I knew you would cuddle me eventually,” you muttered, half-awake, making her slightly jolt. “You make a great big spoon, Wednesday. We should cuddle more.”
“Don’t make me change my mind,” Wednesday seethed, but you just lazily snuggled closer to her hold as you found comfort in her arms. She expected a comment, but you went back to sleep, content with the warmth of her body. “How rude,” she mumbled, a slight smile washing over her features before she followed you into the pit of darkness.
The rest of the night was peaceful as you and Wednesday slept on Enid’s bed. Wednesday had never had such a nice rest—almost cursing herself for letting her guard down during her sleep, unlike how she usually does. The dorm was unbothered because Enid had retired to Yoko’s dorm since her shared dorm was at the top of the floor. She couldn’t risk Ms. Thornhill catching her walking about in the hallways.
Unbeknownst to you, Enid almost lost her fingers the next day when she woke Wednesday with a snap of her phone camera as she attempted to take a picture of you and her roommate sleeping in a picture-worthy position. Your best friend could’ve also lost her feet if she didn’t comply with Wednesday’s command to delete the pictures of her camera roll. 
“Ajax declined her date offer,” Wednesday butted in when you asked Enid about her foul mood. However, the real reason why Enid was in a gloomy mood was that she couldn’t keep the cute pics of you and Wednesday peacefully sleeping in each other’s arms. Wednesday knew Enid would post it on her blog, so she had to threaten her to gatekeep your cuteness.
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© shenachigans — do not plagiarise, translate, repost, or copy.
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Nevermore (Astarion x F!Reader One Shot)
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Summary: After weeks of stolen kisses with Astarion, he invites you to a party in the Szarr Mansion. He claims it's to court you properly, to romance you out of the shadows but all you find there is further darkness.
Warnings: Angst, Psychological Horror, Trauma, Claustrophic Elements, Biting, Survival Horror, Starvation, Smut
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“Don’t be such a bore, darling,” Astarion pouted, clinging to the railing of my balcony that he’d just climbed up. “It’s just a little party.”
“You know I despise small talk, even less so with strangers,” I sighed, staring up at the moon and sipping the wine he’d brought me as a present the day before. 
“ I was once a stranger.”
“And if I recall, small talk is not what we did.”
His lip curled into a grin, never a toothy one, but a genuine smile nonetheless. He hopped deftly over the railing and poured himself a glass.
“Quite, but if you will insist on being so tempting. I’m not usually so easy.”
Now it was my turn to smile, “The way you lie so nonchalantly is truly artistic, Astarion. Next you will be telling me I was your first kiss and we should run away together.”
“Nothing so gauche, darling. Merely that we should attend the Szarr Palace soireé and perhaps I will be able to court you properly then. I’ll even buy you a wonderful new gown. You would look stunning in red.”
I poured some of the wine across the white blouse until it darkened, staining to burgundy, “Like this?”
“Do you know?” He approached, the air of a predator as he caught me by the waist. “I’ve never met anyone like you before. You’re just…unpredictable, unconcerned with how people view you. It’s very freeing.”
“And now you see why I’m unwed,” I placed my hands across his lukewarm chest, a curious thing but welcome in this summer heat. 
“Truly their loss,” he dipped his head, lapping the stray droplets collecting at the hem of the blouse, feeling me shiver under his touch. “But my gain. Allow me this one indulgence to romance you as I would like to for one evening. I promise I will not make you attend any more social events after this. The idea of our first time together in one of those bedrooms…”
“Who says I would want to? Awfully presumptuous.”
Astarion gathered my hand and pressed a gentle and longing kiss to my wrist. For one moment I would swear it seemed like he wanted to bite the soft flesh there and that sent a surprising quiver through my body.
“I know what my lady wants and I will give her anything she asks of me,” he inhaled, eyes heavy and lips parted. 
The sexual tension was becoming unbearable and I stepped away before I lost myself to it. I liked Astarion but I was always guarded with the men who tried to get into my bedchamber. I stood to lose a lot if I made the wrong choice. 
No one cares for the fourthborn daughter of a noble until she makes a mistake.
“Then I will attend and you may choose my dress. You have a better eye for what suits me. However, if I wish to leave, we will leave immediately. Is that understood?” I set my boundary.
“Of course. I am delighted,” he bowed, moonlight curls bouncing with the action. “I will save you from the dreary platitudes of others, don’t worry darling. Before I leave for the night, may I be so bold as to kiss you?”
I did not respond verbally, only closed the gap once more before leaving him with such a passionate kiss that a guttural sound escaped his mouth, hinting at some a little more dangerous lurking within. I’ll admit, I was curious to see what exactly that danger was.
“Good night, Astarion.”
“It certainly is now,” he touched his lips, the clinging taste of shared wine gracing them before he turned and climbed down the trellis. 
****
“I’ve never had to climb a ladder in full regalia before,” I dusted off the lush burgundy dress with satin ruffles before adjusting the bodice portion. “Much less in an outfit with boning.”
“Fashion is sacrifice. What can I say?” Astarion was in a full brocade tailcoat, having a much easier time of navigating the hidden path to the Szarr Palace. “And the sacrifice is worth it in your case. I shall be fighting off your suitors all evening.”
“That sounds terrible, frankly. Perhaps I should go back,” I made a step towards the hatch but he caught my arm. 
“Darling, you are wonderful and you are beautiful. It is a crime to deprive the world of that but if you wish to hide in the corner, I can help you.”
“Fine, but only because I’m already here,” I took his hand and entered the palace with him. 
I had some idea of finery but this palace was much grander than anything I was used to. I was also struck by how dark the place was. Even though it was night, there were no windows to see even the faintest light of the stars or moon, just the flames from the candelabra and chandelier. 
The further I walked in, the more apprehensive I became. Other people from Baldur’s Gate were milling in the central ballroom ahead but the staff were staring far too much, rigid in their movements. 
Astarion must’ve sensed my nerves because he kept me close and moved us by quickly until we were in the throng. I did drink entirely too much to start with, hoping the wine would steady me, hoping it would give me confidence and hoping it would make the night go quicker. 
“You really are shy, aren’t you my darling?” The pale elf was watching me recede as much as I could into the wall. “And yet you have the sharpest tongue I’ve ever known. It’s really quite the alluring dichotomy.”
“Shy is not the right word,” an elf with dark hair and a wardrobe richer than my family’s estate approached. “Uncomfortable, I believe. I have seen your nose wrinkle when the noise in here peaks.”
“I am more used to quiet and my library, I must admit,” I allowed him to kiss the back of my hand. 
“Cazador Szarr,” he introduced himself and Astarion went oddly stiff beside me, deferent even. “I would not want my guests to be uncomfortable. Please, avail yourself of the guest room if this is too loud or my office, if you wish. I have many old tomes in there that you might find interesting.”
“Thank you, that’s very generous,” I bowed my head. “My apologies if I’m spoiling the evening.”
“Not at all,” Cazador smiled charmingly. “Astarion, show her the lower floor guest room. It’ll be quieter.”
Some unspoken words passed between them and Astarion’s expression changed. Where once he was gregarious, now he was subdued, even a little upset, if the wrinkle in his brow was to be believed.
“Come along, darling,” he led me out as Cazador’s eyes remained fixed to me right up until the point we left the room. 
“Is he always so intense?” I whispered, conscious of the staff milling around.
“Always,” I was pulled through a doorway into another grandiose room with an enormous bed and several wardrobes. “Is this better for you, my dear?”
“Yes, but I warn you, if you leave me unattended, I will snoop in here. I like discovering things.”
Astarion gave a weak smile, “You have a curious nature, yes.”
“Are you alright? You seem…off.”
“This party was perhaps too much even for me. I did not expect so many people but here I am, just me and my favourite person. Now I feel content.”
“Favourite? That must be high praise with how social you are. Come, there’s more wine in here. Let us have our own fun.”
“You drink, I’m just happy to watch you enjoy yourself. One of us must be sensible enough to take care of the other,” Astarion sat on the bed as I drained a glass, swaying to the faint music from upstairs. 
The heat that suddenly bloomed in me was incredible, rushing down my arms to tingle at the very tips of my fingers. My face radiated warmth and my legs began to become unsteady. 
“Gods, have I drunk that much?” I laughed, surprised at how off balance I now was. “I didn’t…I didn’t think…”
“You don’t need to think, darling,” Astarion got up, supporting me and giving me a longing kiss. “Just sleep and dream.”
“I…this doesn’t feel right. Astar…-starion…” the glass fell from my hand to thunk on the carpeted floor. 
My heart was thudding in my chest, panic overwhelming me. This was not normal. Something was in that wine and now I could barely stand. Was this planned? Was I about to be ransomed? Stolen?
“I trusted you,” I managed to get out, hands clawing in his shirt.
“I know. I know you did and normally I would say you were a fool for that but…I really did like you,” he seemed pained, carrying me to the bed. “I shared much more of myself than I should’ve.”
“Don’t do…do this. Please.”
“I can’t. I can’t defy him. Cazador…is my master. He owns me. The others bring him meals, people nobody would miss but he sends me to find the prettiest things, the one indulgence he allows himself every decade. Attractive, highborn blood.”
“Blood…what?”
“Did you never wonder why I met you only in moonlight? Why I never dined with you? Why I never smiled fully?” He peeled back his upper lip with one finger to show the small fang on one side. “Perhaps it was wilful ignorance but you knew something darker lay within me. I could see it in your gaze.”
“And yet…I came…”
“Delusion then or recklessness. Not that it matters now. Cazador will finish his party and he will keep you here, in this room. He will drain you slowly over the year and any pleading or begging will only excite him more. Pray to whatever gods you want that he loses control and ends your suffering quickly,” he stood up, suddenly unable to look me in the eye. “I am sorry, for what it’s worth. If I had any other choice, I would’ve left you to your library.”
“You do…have…a choice,” I fought against the drowsiness. “Please…my-my…moonlit elf.”
The little pet name struck a chord. As much as he said he hated it when I’d first coined it, I could tell he preened whenever I’d use it.
“Gods, why does this have to be so fucking hard?!” He hissed. “It’s never been this difficult! Why could you not be a spoiled brat like all the others?! An odious little thing that nobody would miss! I can’t let you go, he’d torture me. You don’t know how cruel he can be with it.”
The tears that threatened to spill over let me know he really didn’t want to do this, that his part in this was forced. His overreaction told me he was frightened and that only came with first hand knowledge of consequences. 
Perhaps he’d try to save someone before. 
Well, if I was going to die, better to be remembered in my prime I suppose. At least I would end my days on a luxurious bed. 
“It’s alright…I understa….” my eyelids were drooping. 
“No! No, you don’t get to do that!” He lost his temper. “You don’t get to be magnanimous! I lured you to your death! I deserve punishment! I deserve your anger! I deserve….fucking hells! Gods, I hate you. Remember that when I’m missing skin.”
The last thing I recalled was being picked up before I finally succumbed to whatever potion was in that wine. I had no way of knowing if I would awake to salvation or ruin.
****
What I did wake to was dusty wooden walls and bare timber around me.
For a moment I thought I had come to in a coffin but there was one patch of daylight from a small window that gave me solace that I had survived. The room was small, containing a cot, a chest of drawers, a working sink and a bedpan but considering the alternative, I was grateful.
The door to the outside was locked and held solid against my shoulder so I had no choice but to wait, reading the few books left in here until the sun set. Only then did I receive a visitor.
“It’s me,” Astarion knocked before entering and he seemed harried. “I cannot stay long. Cazador is furious. I expect I may be away for some time if I cannot find someone to replace you quickly. Here is some food. Ration it as best as you can. Do not leave this room. When his ire dies down, I can sneak you out but you will have to leave Baldur’s Gate. If one of his other spawn sees you, you will be killed.”
“Why are you doing this?” I held his arm so he couldn’t run away.
“I’m tired of sacrificing genuinely good people to a monster like Cazador,” his wine dark eyes met mine. “Most I can bear but not you. We spawn hear our master’s commands without words and he told me he was going to make you last as long as he could. Said you were wildness under innocence waiting for the right tutor. I will not allow him to have any part of you. Blood, body or mind.”
“But why? You said so yourself that you’ve fed many people to him. Why am I the one you save? That you will endure torture for?”
“Because, my darling, my dear one, you are the only one to bring out the real me. The seducer is a mask I have to wear for him. With you, I did not have to try. That’s not to say you were an easy mark, just that it was natural. Everything with you is so natural. Astarion is a person long since dead but he is resurrected in your presence.”
“Be careful. You’re in danger of losing your rakish, philandering charm,” I squeezed his arm. 
Finally I saw his unrestrained laugh and smile and, far from being horrified at the physical evidence of his affliction, I was entranced. 
“I can be both rakish and vulnerable. I’m skilled that way,” shades of his more confident self came through. “But I really must go. We’re both at risk if I remain here.”
“Wait. If you need a noble target, try Braith Gariner. He has tried to bully his way into courting me many times before. No woman would miss him in this city…or man from the rumours I hear. Just compliment his dagger hilt. He loves showing it off.”
“My my. There is a degree of ruthlessness to you as well. Enticing,” he traced his finger down my cheek. “I will return as soon as I can. Please, I beg of you, do not develop a sudden urge to be headstrong and try to get out on your own. I know I have broken your trust but I ask you one last time to try and place some in me right now.”
“I will, because you chose to do the right thing in the end. I know there’s good in you Astarion. If I may though, please find me some more reading material. This is only a couple of day’s worth at most,” I gestured to the tiny pile. “If I go mad from boredom, that’ll defeat the objective.”
“Easily done. Now, stay put,” he hesitated before pressing a soft kiss to my forehead and disappearing, the lock clicking back into place.
He did not return for five days.
****
I was beginning to reach my wit’s end. 
The food was running low and I had paced all I could do in the small room. These four wooden walls were a prison as much as a sanctuary.
I’d torn the bottom of the dress off to use a pillow and to give me more freedom of movement but I was desperate for more agile clothing. If I did have to make a run for it, I’d likely never get to the front door if I needed to make sharp turns. 
Finally, when dusk came, Astarion was at the door and I threw myself at him, knocking the books from his hands. He yelped when my hands clung at his shoulders and I immediately withdrew, the weak imprint of blood on my palm.
“Gods, what did he do to you?” I tried to circle around him but he stopped me. 
“You don’t need to know, darling,” he feigned strength for my sake. “I survived it. I always do. It’ll heal quicker than you think. Sit while I restock your food. Is the water still potable?”
“Yes, a tad metallic but drinkable. Never mind me, are you alright?”
Astarion sighed, sitting with me on the cot as he unloaded the rations from a backpack, “Cazador accepted Braith in your stead but he said it was no comparison. I told you that you were a rare one. He threw me in the kennels and I was tortured for three days for ‘losing you’. It wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, to be honest. Braith immediately stopped trying to get into my trousers and opted for Cazador once he saw him. I think the boldness was mildly amusing for my master so he went easy on me.”
“Is there anything I can do to help you?” I could now see the blood blooming at the shoulder blades and staining through. 
“Yes, but I won’t ask it of you.”
“Astarion, tell me.”
“Some of your blood will help me heal the worst injuries immediately so I’m told but us lowly spawn are never meant to drink from humans. I don’t even know if I’d be able to control myself. I’ve never done it before.”
“Take some,” I took off the elaborate necklace I had on. “You’re risking your life to keep me safe.”
“From my mistake in the first place. No, darling. This is my mess, I will endure it.”
“Our best chance of survival is if you drink from me, for you to be at your physical best. You can give me your dagger if you want, in case you start draining me too much. I know how to use one.”
“I bet you do,” he laughed. “Are you sure about this? It will hurt.”
“Only for a little while. Can’t be any worse than when I broke my arm trying to reach the top shelf in the Sorcerous Sundries and tripped over a cat. Now that I think about it, it might’ve been my old study rival in wild shape.”
Astarion cupped my cheek, “You are tremendously brave. Take this and aim it at my heart. If I get out of line, push it in to the wooden hilt as quick as you can then wait until dawn to try your luck in escaping.”
Balanced against his chest, the blade indenting his skin but not puncturing, I leaned my head to one side to allow him access. 
He hesitated, making the anticipation worse and I found myself grabbing a fistful of those silver curls to bring his head to my neck. I wanted him to get it over with before I changed my mind.
The fangs sunk in and I didn’t make a sound, wary that I didn’t want him to stop before he got what he needed. I got the feeling if I made any indication of discomfort that he’d back away immediately.
Astarion held me, a gentle palm on my back and one still on my cheek as he drank his fill. It took a monumental effort for him to draw away and even then it was only to rest his head against mine. He was still close to the puncture marks he’d made. 
“Gods, you taste like spiced mead,” his voice quivered, almost reverent. “Sweet, sharp and a little bit fiery. A dash of ginger along with the honey. If you are the only person I ever taste in my long lifetime, I shall be happy. That was exquisite, thank you.”
“You’re going to make me flush if you keep talking like that.”
“Well, I would enjoy that,” the laugh was throaty, deep. “Oh…fucking hells. Cazador is demanding my presence. He has to ruin every moment, I swear. Stay safe up here and I hope you enjoy the new books. I shall be back tomorrow.”
“You should probably wipe your mouth before you go back,” I used a rag in the sink to clear my blood still smeared around his lips. “I expect he would not be best pleased to see that.”
“No, he would not. Thank you again, my darling, for taking care of a monster.”
“You’re not a monster, Astarion. I wouldn’t be alive if you were. Either from Cazador or your own hunger.”
“You’re the only person that sees the good in me,” he murmured before he left. “Even though nothing good exists in this wretched body.”
Fortunately, this time, he was able to return the next day and the next and the next.
****
Two months I spent up in the attic of the palace. Two months I spent with Astarion being able to spend more and more time with me up there.
Every evening we’d talk about our life before Cazador, our favourite interests, the places we’d always wished we’d visited. Every evening we’d talk about our escape plans, what we’d do if both of us got free.
It was a lovely fantasy that sustained us. Sometimes I thought Astarion was only doing it to keep me sane but the more we unveiled to each other, the more I learned how lonely he was, how awful his life was.
The initial betrayal of being his target had already been wiped away by the understanding that he had no agency, no control over himself if he didn’t want to be flayed for days on end. I’m sure I’d do terrible things in his position, especially after two hundred years of cruelty.
I got brave enough one day to ask a more delicate question after we’d interlinked our hands sitting on the cot, “Does Cazador still make you seduce targets?”
“That’s not what you really want to ask me, is it?” The perceptive elf’s eyebrow rose. “You want to know if I’m sleeping with these victims.”
“Alright, if we’re being blunt tonight. Yes, I do want to know.”
“Would it bother you if I was?”
“It would,” I was honest, something he obviously hadn’t expected. “Because, not only do you not really want to do it, but I don’t enjoy the idea of you with others.”
For a time he was silent and then he looped his arm around my shoulder and tugged me to lie back on the cot. I was pressed in close to his chest as he struggled for the words.
“You know, I would tell myself I wanted to do it. That it felt good,” Astarion’s fingers traced down my back as a way to soothe himself whilst my fingers massaged along his scalp to find the same effect. “That I excelled at sex so why not give that gift to others if it served a purpose. Then you came along and ruined everything and I’ve not even slept with you for that to happen. You could be absolutely awful at it for all I know.”
“Charming,” I took no offence at his words since his tone was playful.
“And now, since you’ve been up here, it feels revolting to even touch another person. To answer your question, I have not slept with anyone but I have kissed them. They did need a little tease to follow me into the jaws of death. It’s becoming intolerable though. I can act well enough but eventually my disgust is going to show through and Cazador will punish me for it. If I’m not effective, I may as well be useless to him.”
“Then think of me,” I turned his head to mine gently. “If you have to kiss another, if you have to fake it. Remember when I almost let you into my undergarments in the park.”
“What a scandal that would’ve been,” he chuckled. “Your father would’ve likely disowned you for that. His pure daughter.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been pure,” I tapped his chest. “But my taste in men was a shade different back then.”
“Let me guess, bookish wizards?”
“You’re getting to know me well,” I leant up, nearly kicking over the perfumes and cleansing potions he’d brought up here as well as installing the tiniest bathtub in the world. 
“Can I tell you a secret?” He whispered.
“Of course.”
He rose up a fraction to meet me, lips by my ear, “I already do picture you when I’m seducing someone. The smell of you, the taste of you, the soft little noises you make when I grasp your face in both hands and kiss the life out of you. Ugh, it’s honestly the perfect symphony for helping me feign emotions.”
“Keep talking as beautifully as that and I’ll let you bite me again.”
“Don’t tease me, darling.”
“I’m not teasing,” I spoke against his lips, brushing against them with every word. 
Were it not for Cazador’s interruption with his telepathic orders, Astarion would’ve had me then and there. 
I’d already divested myself of the shirt he’d brought me to wear as his hands grasped my bare back. I was straddling him when he became rigid and not in the way that I wanted.
“I swear it’s like he knows,” my moonlit vampire hissed. “I hate him. I utterly despise him. To leave such a beautiful creature for such a wretched one…”
“We always have tomorrow,” I kissed the tip of his nose. “I shall just have to fill in the blanks and please myself while you’re gone.”
“This is a torment. It truly is,” Astarion whined before rolling me under him, pressing one lingering kiss to my stomach and then standing up. “Try and save me some energy, my love.”
He froze at the unintended term of endearment, blustered for a moment and then appeared to give up and accept it.
“Oh, fuck it. You heard me. Goodnight, my love.”
Before I could say a word, he sped out of the door and locked it behind him. 
For such a suave and confident personality, he came apart at the seams when being truly romantic. I knew he’d been dancing around confessing feelings for the past week or so by how often he’d start a sentence and then change it to something completely unfitting the second emotions came into play.
I spent that night feeling elated, happy. The first blossoms of love were flowering in my heart and I dared to imagine what it would be like if Astarion and I could both escape together.
****
Five nights became a week and there was still no sign of him. I had to come to the conclusion that something had happened to Astarion, that maybe Cazador was displeased with him again. 
My food had run out and I was becoming desperate. Sure, I could survive without it a few more days but I’d rather not be weak and starving when trying to scavenge what I could. That’s how I’d make fatal mistakes.
This was the first time I’d ever experienced true hardship in my life and I was not arrogant enough to think a jaunt through a vampire mansion for sustenance would be easy for me. I had no training or an adventurer’s luck.
How to get out of this room though?
The window was far too small and the door was far too sturdy. I’d already tried to barge the lock open once. 
Instead, I searched through Astarion’s coat that he’d left, hoping I’d find something useful. Jingling it and fondling the fabric, I was able to discover a hidden zip leading to a reel of lockpicks. 
Granted, I broke most of them trying to open the door but I did eventually find the knack of it. When it swung open, only then did I feel some fear about what I was going to have to do. Sneaking around this place undetected was going to be an incredibly frightening task when I’d only ever seen two rooms before. What I wouldn’t have given for an invisibility potion right now…and a map.
I crept across the attic roof, wincing everytime it made a creak before I discovered a hatch. Peering down, it seemed like a storage room underneath with shelves of bottles and sacks, a few pieces of fruit peeking out. Perhaps I wouldn’t have to go so far after all. 
Praise the gods.
I could hear voices from the other side of the door after I descended and I hurriedly grabbed what I could, stuffing it into a burlap sack. It wasn’t much but it’d sustain me for a few more days.
I didn’t dare linger and I wasn’t going to push my luck. If too much went missing at once, I’d risk the staff searching for the culprit.
Unfortunately Astarion still didn’t return after a few more days and I was forced to make another supply run. I was getting extremely worried now.
What if he’d been captured? What if he’d been killed?
I tried to force that bleak possibility out of my mind and raided the last of the sad carrots in the crate. Once these final rations were gone, I’d have to venture out of this room completely. 
No one had restocked it in a long time so I couldn’t risk taking extra items.
“-don’t stop until you find him! The spoiled little brat!” Cazador’s voice was on the other side of the door and I hid in a box of old cabbage leaves. “Yes, I know Astarion’s run away before but never for this long. He can rebel all he likes but I am his master and he will come to heel. He can’t ignore my commands forever. The disrespect…his punishment will be long, unyielding, unrelenting and- Aurelia, why are you still here? Be a good girl and go hunt before I decide to take out my anger on whoever is closest to me. I am not feeling kind tonight.”
Run away? Astarion had…he’d just left? He’d abandoned me?
That didn’t make sense. Why use the word ‘love’ and then vanish? 
If he truly was gone though, I was on my own. I’d either have to devise an escape plan or steal enough food and hope he’d come back someday, maybe with enough people to storm this place.
Still, the ache in my heart was vicious.
Cazador moved away and I took the opportunity to crack the door open a little to see what route I would need to take on my next supply run. The ballroom was right in front of me, a vast open space with little shadow to stick to. 
To venture out was to guarantee my death if the spawn wandered during the day in the absence of any sunlight. This was hopeless.
With the remaining food I had, I explored the rest of the attic in the light hours, hoping I would come across something that could help me. I found journal after journal of research notes by someone called Amanita and then later Lady Incognita. It seemed she was Cazador’s niece at one time and was actively fighting the pull of vampirism he’d infected her with.
Through her words I was able to find a stash hidden in the very room I’d come to call home with an invisibility potion, a silver dagger that seemed to radiate light energy and a ring which she described as ‘giving the speed of two men’. 
“What happened to you?” I traced the final spidering lines on the page that just abruptly ended. 
I had a fair idea. Cazador seemed exceptionally cruel so why shouldn’t that extend to family members too?
After another week, I could take the pangs of hunger no longer. 
With the ring on, the dagger in hand and potion in the other, I climbed down into the storage room and waited for the opportune moment. Since I had no idea how long this potion would last, I’d only take it if I was in imminent danger of being spotted. For all I knew, I’d probably reappear right as I snuck past Cazador’s ridiculous pastiche of a throne in the ballroom with him sat on it.
The coast was clear, the way was open and I half sprinted, half snuck, aided by the ring and practically flew across the ballroom to the door. The way out was blocked, guarded but if I could run to the left, I might find something downstairs to keep me going.
It wasn’t until I took a wrong turning that I found myself in that very guest room where Astarion had chosen to defy his master. Here I saw Braith, manacled to the bed, skin an odd shade of grey and the foetid stench of neglect hovering around him.
He’d not opened his eyes, perhaps too drained to but I still kept quiet all the same. If he should wake in terror and shout for aid, I didn’t want any of the staff to hear his cries. Selfish as it was, I could only care about my own wellbeing right now. 
I put the food set aside for Braith into my own backpack that I’d stolen from the storeroom along with a couple of weapons before I heard voices coming down the stairs. In a panic, I ran to the closest thing, the wardrobe and stepped inside, potion at the ready, dagger trembling with the fearful tremors of my hand. 
Gods I hoped I smelled bad enough that I wouldn’t be recognisable as a meal to whoever was coming. I purposefully hadn’t used any of Astarion’s perfumes to give myself a fighting chance.
Cazador entered, flanked by two of his younger looking spawn, as he sat on the bed and twisted Braith’s head so his neck was unobstructed.
“That you should return without the little wretch,” Cazador sneered behind him as the spawn quailed. “He’s truly back in Baldur’s Gate?”
“Yes, master. He has companions with him but they’ll be no match for you,” the girl spoke.
“So many years I have looked after that boy and the absolute disappointment he has become is unconscionable. First he loses the noble lady, then he runs. This one…” Cazador tapped Braith on the cheek, to which the man elicited a pathetic whimper. “Displeasing. Like wine that develops a vinegar aroma. Any sign of Astarion’s former target?”
“Her family has not heard from her for months, master. Likely she fled the city.”
“Can you not do anything right?” It was said so casually but both spawn recoiled like he’d struck them. 
It was now I got a sense for why Astarion reacted like a kicked dog sometimes to the simple expressions of annoyance I’d get in the attic room. Cazador was abusing all of his progenies it seemed.
“Leave me,” the vampire lord waved his hand and they scuttled out. 
I barely took a breath, huddled in that wardrobe and staring out through the keyhole. I’d never been more terrified.
“Are you awake?” Cazador shook Braith a little. “Good. I enjoy it more when you are. The only enjoyment I get out of you in fact. Do you know, hearing of Astarion’s return has made me wistful, has made me reminisce on what could’ve been? The woman I was supposed to own in your stead. You know her, of course, had been sniffing around her for a marriage vow. What a terrible loss she was.”
Braith seemed confused but only because he’d been trying to court most of the Upper City in the last year.
“I could smell her blood,” Cazador carried on, oblivious to the response. “The anxiety she had at my party only heightened the scent. She would’ve been such a fine course of meals, an even finer spawn once I ascend. I’m going to need to rebuild my quota of servants, of course. Naturally, I’d be more selective this time but I desperately wanted her for the first wave of them. Instead, I got you.”
Braith raised a shaky finger and my heart nearly stopped. The fucking bastard had just pointed to the wardrobe. He’d been aware of my presence the entire time and was going to sell me out. 
“What are you doing?” Cazador was confused. “Begging for water?”
“Her….there….” Braith croaked out.
“Her? You mean…oh…can it be?” 
I immediately downed the invisibility potion and prayed to whatever gods might be listening, crouching down so I could perhaps make a quick escape should Cazador fling the wardrobe doors open.
“Did my dear little boy defy me in more ways than one? He did seem protective at the party. Silly fool. If that’s you in there, my dear, come out now. You won’t suffer the same fate as this one, I promise.”
I said nothing, shrinking even further down as the doors were opened and I ducked quickly under his arm to start making my way out of the room. I had no idea how much time I had left before I became visible.
“There’s nobody here, you lying-!” Cazador was raging but he stopped as I got near the bed and started sniffing the air. 
Could he smell my blood like he claimed? If so, I only had moments left before he came searching for me. 
“Oh…. oh ,” his voice was thick with mirth. “You’re still around, aren’t you? Astarion hid you in my palace, right under my very nose. Your fear is just so…delicate. I recognise it.”
I tried to move as silently as I could, the ring’s power taking me up one flight of stairs already but Cazador had moved out into the hallway. His eyes were roving everywhere trying to glimpse something out of place.
“He left you, you know. He may have taken torture for your sake but he abandoned you in the end. We’ve not seen him for weeks. Show yourself and I swear to you I won’t kill you. You’ll be spared Astarion’s fate. You’ll be seated at my feet when the new era dawns.”
Two flights of stairs now and I needed to get back into the attic. I could lock myself in up there. 
“No?” He was tracking me. “I will find you, girl. Make this easier on yourself. I’ll let you kill the whelp who gave you up, who fed me stories about how cold you were, how prudish you were at the very first meeting we had. Bitter talk from a pathetic man. If my spawn was that obsessed with you, you must be interesting at the very least, or a good bed partner.”
I was in the storeroom, quickly closing the door behind me before Cazador could come into view as I scrambled up the ladder and into the hatch, moving boxes on top of it before running to my little room. Once there, I threw the contents of all of Astarion’s perfumes around the outside of the door and the general area to mask my scent and hid in a crawlspace in the wall. 
There was no doubt he’d check up here but I was just hoping I’d thrown him off enough that he wouldn’t be thorough. Already I was starting to see my hands again, the potion wearing off.
“Is there a dear little mouse in my attic?” The boxes burst in every direction as the vampire lord entered. “Skulking? Creeping? You must’ve been resourceful to stay alive this long. Surrender to me now or it won’t be pleasant when I drag you out from wherever you’re hiding.”
I kept a hand over my mouth to still my own breathing as I listened with abject horror as Cazador turned over the entirety of the attic, finding the room I’d been sleeping in and tearing it to shreds. Knowing he could scent my fear, I pushed the image of the last time I’d been with Astarion into my mind, pressing myself as far as I could go within the walls. 
Seconds felt like hours, minutes felt like years. The master of his house came so close to my hiding spot but my calmer memories and the overpowering scent of bergamot and rosemary kept me safe. I wouldn’t have to use the dagger after all.
Even when Cazador returned to the ground floor I didn’t move. I stayed where I was for so long that my legs cramped and my back hurt from the lack of water. 
Eventually I had to risk it and return to that room to use the sink, which was mercifully still intact. Everything else was in tatters, 
I took my essentials with me and slept in the crawlspace, spending my days in relative darkness with only my imagination to entertain myself. Surely this wasn’t living? Maybe it would be better to surrender myself. I had no way of knowing if Astarion had actually left me to this fate or not. He might never return. 
What was going to be best for my own survival? To starve in the dusty attic of a powerful vampire lord or become his acolyte? 
Already I was becoming filthy, matted, a creature of nearing madness. I longed for the luxuries I’d taken for granted. 
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before I heard noises in the attic again. Multiple voices, strong personalities. 
I didn’t dare look. Cazador could be doing another sweep again. 
“Gods, she’s not here,” Astarion’s voice. 
Still I kept quiet and crouched. Who knew if I was just hallucinating at this point? I’d gone a long while without any kind of interaction.
“Do you think he…” another male voice, a sympathetic one.
“I don’t know. If he has her she might be alive in some capacity still. It’s not been long enough for him to drain her. I just…I’m too late. Look at that room. There’s practically nothing left of it.”
“But we haven’t seen her yet. There’s still hope.”
“Let us not forget,” a female voice, slightly sharp and punctuated. “That if they had found her, Astarion’s brothers and sisters would’ve been sure to gloat about that fact or use it as leverage. It’s what I would’ve done as a disciple of Shar.”
“Well, all that really means is either she managed to escape, which is good, or that they still haven’t found her yet in this place, which is also good,” another female voice, much lighter and more hopeful.
“Your relentless optimism is finally welcome, Karlach,” Astarion sighed. “He even tore her fucking books apart. I’m going to do the same thing to him, I swear.”
“There’s someone nearby,” the haughtier female voice sounded closer. “I can hear a lot of thoughts surrounding if you’re real or not. It wouldn’t be that loud unless…”
They knew I was here. I gripped the dagger tighter.
“Blimey, that necklace of yours is fucking useful, isn’t it?” The one called Karlach seemed to smile. “Hello? Is Astarion’s lady friend around? It’s alright, you can come out.”
“Lady friend?!” Astarion was taken aback. 
“Be serious, Karlach,” the haughty woman spoke again. “She’s his lover, not his tea party companion.”
“I don’t know what labels they’ve put on their relationship, Shadowheart. I was being cautious.”
“Over there,” the kinder male walked towards the crawlspace. “There’s someone in there.”
I didn’t give him time to drag me out. I launched myself from the wall and managed to pin the bearded wizard to the ground, knife to his throat. 
“It’s really you,” Astarion froze. “You…you’re alright.”
“Not another step closer or I’ll kill him!” I spat, when the group tried to help their friend up. “Tell me where we first kissed, what drink you first brought me and what my pet name was for you.”
“Oh, she’s clever,” the blonde woman, Shadowheart, nodded her approval. “With dopplegangers in this city, can’t be too careful.”
I didn’t understand what she meant but they all seemed to appreciate my hesitance. Astarion just held his hands out and recounted. 
“I first kissed you in Sharess’ Caress when you went to retrieve your wayward friend and I pretended I was doing the same thing. We talked on the balcony about the pressures of maintaining a reputation and you liked me enough to make a move. I bought you fireswill the next night when you said you’d never had anything less expensive than cask aged wine before and you got ludicrously drunk and giggled at the stars. You called me…you called me your moonlit elf and I pretended it annoyed me but it didn’t, not in the slightest, not at all.”
My grip on the wizard slackened, scarcely wanting to believe that he’d actually returned, actually returned and was actively trying to save me. 
“And, if I may, for one final point of proof, your blood tastes like spiced mead. A fact Cazador would truly never know if you’re still unharmed.”
I stepped away, letting the wizard get pulled to his feet by the tiefling who must be Karlach. I was about to move towards Astarion to get my answers but I saw Braith, fully turned into a vampire spawn with a look of hunger in his gaze sneaking up behind, unheard in all the chaos. 
I lunged, Astarion faltering as he thought I was aiming for him but ultimately not even getting out of the way, accepting the anger he believed he deserved. I had to shove him to the right before the dagger sank into Braith’s chest, the radiant magic starting to cook him from the inside. 
In a flurry, offsetting my rage and days of despair, I brought that knife down seven times, each time more brutal than the last. Cazador’s face replaced Braith’s in my mind. 
“By Selûne, she’s feral!” Shadowheart stepped back in alarm. 
“Nah, she’s just working some things out,” Karlach seemed unfazed. “Would you enjoy hiding in a wall for…?”
“Months,” Astarion reacted weakly, peeling me off the forming pile of ash. “It’s alright, darling. He’s gone. He’s gone and I’m really here. Gale or Shadowheart, either one of you, make sure she’s in good health.”
Shadowheart didn’t seem to want to come near me but Gale, the wizard I’d just threatened, bravely stepped forward and twisted a ring on his finger before muttering words. All the aches, the scrapes, all the hunger, the dreadful thirst just vanished. Muscles that had been knotted for days suddenly relaxed.
“There was a lot to heal,” Gale said delicately to the vampire. “The ill maladies of the brain I unfortunately cannot fix.”
“Well if you could, you’d be a fucking rich man, wouldn’t you?” 
“Don’t be catty. I just had a knife to his throat. He could’ve refused to heal me,” I chided him, feeling like I had more life in me than I could ever remember since I came here. 
“Oh, you and bookish wizards,” Astarion rolled his eyes. “You’re going to make me jealous, darling.”
It was the first laugh I’d done in such a long time. The sound was foreign, echoing in the debris strewn attic. 
“I know you two need to reunite properly but we must seek Cazador,” Shadowheart prompted. “Or all of this will be for nothing.”
“Gotta stomp the big bad vampire lord so you can have your happy ending,” Karlach readied the axe in her hand. “Don’t lose sight of the goal, soldier.”
“Yes, yes, alright. Just allow me one moment before I run towards imminent danger again,” Astarion kissed my forehead, not caring how dishevelled and dirty I was. “The door to the outside is clear. Go, escape now and go to the first floor of the Elfsong Tavern. The rest of our party is there. They will look after you. Before you protest, let me say you are not a natural fighter and Cazador is so much stronger than you think. Please, please I beg of you, get to safety.”
“And what happens if you disappear again? What am I to do?”
“If I die, go live a happy life with someone worthy of you, far away from Cazador. My companions will make sure you will be alright. Just, please, if Gale survives, don’t be with him. No offence, Gale darling.”
“Every offence taken,” Gale did a tight lipped smile. “But, water off a duck’s back. Come along. We won’t have the element of surprise forever.”
They escorted me towards the ballroom and I saw the carnage there. Corpses and piles of ash sprawled along the length of it. How I’d not heard it up in the attic, I had no idea. Perhaps I blocked out the screaming a long time ago since Cazador continued his parties.
“Go,” Astarion pushed me gently towards the front door. “I’ll tell you everything about why I vanished when I get back, I promise.”
“Then you’d better stay alive or I’m sneaking back in here and using a Speak With the Dead spell on you,” I warned him and he smiled that unrestrained smile I’d missed so much. 
“Duly noted.”
As I walked to the front door, I heard Karlach attempting to whisper, “You’re actually very sweet, aren’t you? You and her, absolutely adorable.”
“Oh, fuck off!” My moonlit elf became horribly embarrassed. 
They darted off, somewhere to the left while I moved towards the front door. Every step forward felt wrong somehow, like if I departed, I was never going to see Astarion again. Dread was curling in my belly, slowing me down until I eventually came to a stop just in front of the exit.
Freedom was just outside and yet…and yet I didn’t want to go without making sure he was safe. I had nothing for me in Baldur’s Gate anymore anyway. After being trapped for this long, my old life was dead.
The thought of starting over, alone, was untenable. That was when I was honest with myself that I loved Astarion, no matter how much I’d tried to guard my heart. I loved him.
My feet were already turning on the spot, legs walking me back into that hellscape of a ballroom and turning left. Though I had no idea where his party had gone, I searched and searched until I managed to barge into a room and very nearly pitched down the hole in the middle of the floor. 
“Gods above,” I stared into the chasm below, discerning some torch light at the bottom. “Was this here the whole time?”
Perhaps I could’ve hid down in the basement area this seemed to be and saved myself all those mouthfuls of dust in the attic.
I brought the elevator back up before descending down into the depths but once I was there, I only saw flashing lights, plumes of fire and heard desperate yelling from the end of the corridor. 
“Don’t go any further,” a voice from the side of me made me stop, whirling around with the dagger at the ready. “Not yet.”
I’d run right past many people in cages, even children. What in the hells was happening down here?!
“What?” I blurted out, entirely confused and worried about the scream that just erupted from the bottom of the stairwell.
“You’re the woman he could not find,” the man who’d first spoken approached the bars. “Wait until this fight is over. You will distract them.”
“Well, I need to do something. I’m not going to just stand here waiting to see if they die. Can I free you at all?” I checked around the opening to the cell.
“Listen to me,” he tried a gentler approach. “There’s nothing you can do right now. We haven’t eaten in years. You release us, I might be able to control myself but I am unsure about the rest. For your own safety, have patience and wait for this fight to end.”
He was the only person who wasn’t trying to tempt me into freeing everyone so I heeded his words, hiding at the edge of the archway to watch the ongoing battle. That didn’t mean I wasn’t anxiously shifting my weight from foot to foot, desperate to know if Astarion was winning, desperate to know if we’d both be free of his master.
The urge to add my weapon to the fray was immense but my moonlit elf was right, I was no warrior. Agonising minutes went by until I finally saw Cazador fall and Astarion viciously dragging him out of a sarcophagus.
I could wait no longer and I ran at full pelt down the stairs towards the action, wanting to see the final moments, to know this man would truly haunt this city no longer. My grievances weren’t as numerous as Astarion’s but I still needed the catharsis of Cazador’s death. 
“No, no, no. What are you doing?!” Astarion hissed when I got onto the platform. “Go! Go away! You’re not meant to see this!”
“What is she not meant to see, boy?” Cazador snarled from the floor. “The pitiful spawn that ran away? That abandoned her? I knew she was in that attic for a while but the seasoning of her fear, the anticipation she felt at being caught…you spoiled that delicacy for me.”
“How dare you speak about her!” Astarion slashed his master’s face with a blade, slicing through the cartilage of the nose. 
“Don’t tell me you actually care for her?” Cazador was undeterred, slowly trying to creep back to his resting place. “How wonderfully pathetic. What would she ever see in you? She was a lady. You’re nothing but a whore, a means to an end. I told you to seduce her, to fuck her and to bring her to me and you couldn’t even do that.”
I tried to leap at the vampire lord and was promptly caught by Gale. I was under no illusion that I would’ve died for the murder attempt but the rage I felt at how Astarion’s face fell, how he became like a frightened child in that moment was too much. 
“I will burn your palace to the foundations, you abomination!” I yelled, fighting to get free.
“Oh, she cares for you also,” Cazador was still keeping a wary eye on Astarion’s blade. “And how will that love end? She will wrinkle and sag, she will grey while you continue as you are. Stop this now and I’ll turn her, boy. I’ll make both of you true vampires. I’ll give you my blood. I can always find one more spawn to complete my ritual, to ascend.”
“Or perhaps I shall ascend,” Astarion found his voice but the tone was unsettling. “Perhaps I shall take your centuries of work and use it myself. I will walk in the sun, I will have ultimate power and you will never threaten me again.”
None of my moonlit elf’s companions said a word to this but the looks they were giving each other let me know that ‘ascending’ was likely a terrible choice to make. 
“You’d kill seven thousand just for you?”
“For me, for her. To keep her safe. To keep the next version of you where they belong. In the dirt.”
“Stop,” I finally wormed out of Gale’s grasp. “Any ritual that involves mass murder is not worth the consequences of that.”
“Don’t you see, darling? It all works out so perfectly this way. I can keep you safe,” Astarion kept repeating, on the verge of mania. “I have to do this. I will never fear anything again and you will always be protected. I will turn you and we can be together for eternity.”
“So I don’t get a choice? Why would you give me something you’ve told me is a curse without asking?”
“She doesn’t want you,” Cazador was trying to get up. “Real love would be forever. A real lover would choose the night just for you. Your little lady only has a fleeting interest.”
“Shut your vile mouth!” I went to hit the vampire lord but my momentum was used against me. 
In one revolution of the world in my eyeline, I was pinned to the ground and teeth were by my neck. The others attempted to get near but were blown back by a wave of energy.
“Let me turn her, let me give her to you,” Cazador bargained again as Astarion faltered, pacing to and fro frantically as he waited for an opening. “My last gift. It’s what you want, isn’t it? You need her by your side. I’ll give you both some of my blood. It’ll be a blessing. Refuse this generous offer though and I will rip her throat out. It’ll be a tragedy, of course, for one so fair, so brave. To last this long skulking in the shadows only to fall when hope is so nearly within her grasp…what a lovely song it’d make.”
“Let her go!” Astarion’s voice cracked as his fear ravaged the sound. 
“Then give me your decision. Be a man. Be decisive.”
“No!” I pleaded as much as I could with my eyes, the only part of me I could move. “Astarion, no. I would rather be dead than have my choice taken away from me.”
Just the barest scrape of Cazador’s fangs had me shying away as much as I could but the damage was done. A vampire this old knew how to sample people as one would fine wine, delicately.
“Gods above, hells below. She is glorious ,” Cazador growled, tone thick with pleasure. “Noble blood that’s not spoiled is a once in a century delicacy.”
Several things happened at once.
Astarion lunged, incensed by the display. Gale fired off four bolts of magic that seemed to curve through the air as Cazador pulled me upright and off the ground. Shadowheart reached for my hand, muttering words to a spell unknown to me. Karlach aimed her axe straight at Cazador’s legs, seeing my moonlit elf heading straight for the face.
In the confusion, I took the radiant dagger out of my belt and slashed behind me, catching the vampire lord across the throat but not deep enough to render him useless. Still, he let go of me and, with the ring’s power of haste, I flew to Shadowheart, grasping her fingers as we popped out of existence in that spot and reappeared to the left of the sarcophagus.
“Stay here,” she bid me. “For Selûne’s sake, do what you’re told or you may cause harm to Astarion by distracting him.”
“I was just trying to get him to stop-”
“-I know. Ultimately it has to be his decision,” she fixed me with a sympathetic look before conjuring bright spirits that circled around us, creating a barrier. “You must trust he’ll make the right decision.”
“You want to kill me, boy?” Cazador was goading Astarion as the blows fell. “Then do it but I’ll always be there. I’ll always be that voice in the back of your head telling you you’re not good enough, strong enough. Do the ritual. Take my place. Become the successor I was to my former master. Make something useful of your pathetic life.”
“No,” Astarion’s voice shook with fury and disgust. “No more. Nevermore. I am worthy, worthy of kindness and love. You, you are nothing. You are worth nothing and so I will make you into nothing.”
I kicked the radiant dagger across the platform to him and he scooped it up, burying it in Cazador in one fluid motion as Karlach kept him in place. Over and over, deeper and deeper the blade struck true until the blunt sound of reverberating bone could be heard. Still Astarion did not stop.
The anguished wail that rent his chest as he finally freed himself made my breath catch, made tears spill down my own cheeks. I felt his pain as utterly as if I’d been in his place. I’d never heard a sound like it before.
I moved without thinking, instinctively dropping to his side as his legs gave out and I held him as he sobbed. Centuries of torment spilled out in howling relief as his fingers wound into my dirt-stiff clothing to keep me close.
I forgot about the people around us, the dead body to the side of us. There was only him, I only existed to help him in that moment.
“Astarion, you need to make a decision about the others,” Shadowheart tried to interrupt but I snarled such a vicious reply that she fell quiet immediately. 
“You leave him alone right now! They’ve waited a long time, they can wait a minute longer!”
“No,” Astarion raised his head, red eyes red-rimmed. “No, she’s right but thank you for fighting for me, my love. I…I need to help the others. My pain is not singular or unique. Everyone has suffered in this house of horrors. Will you go to the tavern now? I promise you, I’m safe and that this is over. We’ll meet you there.”
“I’ll take her out,” Karlach volunteered. “Just in case someone gives her shit for her appearance coming through. No one’s gonna say a word with me next to her.”
“I don’t want to leave you in this state,” I whispered directly in Astarion’s ear.
“Please,” he begged.
“Fine. I can at least get cleaned up then.”
“Come along,” Karlach steered me towards the cells again. “He’ll be okay. He has his own stuff to work through and he probably wants some privacy.”
“I know, I just…”
“He’ll be fine,” she clapped me on the back and I flew forward three steps. “Oh, sorry!”
****
Karlach took me in through the back way of the tavern, shielding me from view as we went up the stairs before diverting me into a small room. 
In that small room was a bath which she began filling for me. In fact, she did everything for me in there; getting me new clothes, somehow warming the water to be the perfect temperature and guarding the door so I wouldn’t feel vulnerable.
The water became disgusting quickly and I’d not realised how much neglect I’d put my body through while I’d just been surviving in the walls. Karlach had to change it twice until I was finally clean.
“You should’ve seen me after some battles,” she was unfazed. “Covered in blood, sweat, ichor and fuck knows what. Couldn’t bathe for days while I was fighting. I must’ve absolutely honked.”
“It’s just nice to have clothes that move with me rather than crinkling. Wait, these are mine. How-”
“Oh, Astarion sent Jaheira to go raid your old room. Your family hadn’t changed it. Think they were hoping you’d still show up, you know?”
“Maybe I can do now.”
“Maybe. You can either stay in this room or join everyone in the main one until the others return. This one was sectioned off for you in case you had any murderous bloodthirsty urges by now but it can be used if we’re just a bit too loud for you.”
“Thanks, Karlach. I’ll stay here. This is honestly the most I’ve spoken in a long while and it hurts.”
“Oh, no worries at all! There’s books over there and I’ll bring some food up.”
She was so insanely cheery that I couldn’t do anything but like her instantly and she kept me company until I finally saw the moonlight curls of my pale elf hovering in the doorway. 
“I’ll leave you lovebirds to it,” she flashed me a wink before disappearing to the other room.
Blood still clung to Astarion’s white shirt, speckled across his chest and shoulders. For one so usually composed, this was the most dishevelled and wild I’d ever seen him.
“Will you come in? I-”
I was interrupted by him blurting his words out as if he’d been holding them for years, “-Ididn’tabandonyou! Gods, I mean…I didn’t leave on purpose. I…I need you to know that.”
“I thought Cazador had done something to you or you’d died.”
“No, I was taken. Let me wash up and I’ll tell you the story.”
Mind Flayers, Netherbrains and the Dead Three were not what I was expecting to hear but I knew Astarion well enough by now that this was not a tale he was spinning. It did explain how he could move in the sunlight also.
“I’ve never stopped trying to get back to you. Every delay, every detour, I wanted to fucking murder my companions, I’ll be honest with you. It took me a while to trust them enough to tell them why I was so insistent on getting to Baldur’s Gate,” he nervously approached the bed, clad in fresh trousers and his damp hair raked back in heavy ringlets. 
“I know. I knew the second you offered yourself up to a dagger not meant for you that you didn’t betray me. Nor would you have the bravery to try and find me again if you had run away in fear. Astarion, please stop being afraid I’ll shout at you. I’m not Cazador. You know this.”
It took him a moment before he plucked up the courage to lie down next to me, still keeping a respectable distance. I didn’t make a move to close that gap, conscious that both of us were still on edge right now.
“Did he hurt you?” Crimson eyes locked with mine. 
“The scrape? No.”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“I lasted a long time just stealing from the pantry. He chased me once into the attic and I thought I’d lost him for a while. I didn’t have any idea that he was just keeping me up there like a wine to age.”
Fingers reached for mine, tentative, like the awkward first moves of early fumbling attraction. I curled mine into his, content to just exist in this safe place on a soft bed. 
“Do you still want me?” Astarion whispered words into the pillow with his face hidden in the fabric. “It’s just, I’ve brought so much misery to your life, darling.”
“My life would’ve been a different kind of misery if I’d never met you. Wedded to a thirdborn heir, moulded into a high society woman, everything that’s me stamped out. I warded suitors off for many years but eventually I would’ve been forced to save my father’s reputation by taming myself. A few months of horrors in exchange for freedom, in exchange for finding someone I truly care for is not a hardship.”
I fully turned over and coaxed him out of the pillow, one hand lain on the sharp angles of his face. He resisted at first, a wildness to his eyes born out of a panicking insecurity but gradually he allowed me to see him. 
“Astarion, I’m not going anywhere that’s not without you. If you had come to me the next night after your confession, you would’ve heard one of my own. This whole ordeal with Mind Flayers stole that moment from me but hear me now when I say that I love you.”
The intake of breath, the rapid eye movement trying to detect any lies or falsehoods on my face…my moonlit elf wouldn’t let himself believe I was speaking from my heart. When he saw no mask in my features, silvered eyebrows knitted together and his eyes swam in the dappled sunlight from the window that was fast darkening.
“I think you must have gone mad in those walls, darling. What could I possibly have to offer you that’s not more suffering? I still have to fight Orin, Gortash, a giant brain for fuck’s sake. I know you want me, want me carnally at least, but love? I-”
“-would you just, for one moment, accept that I care deeply for you? I will wait until your battles are done. I will fight with you if someone teaches me.”
“I do not deserve you.”
“I shall decide that, thank you.”
“You are incredibly wilful.”
“It’s part of my charm.”
Finally his lips tipped into a smile, his gaze softening and he chased the feeling of my palm against his cheek. The worry lines on his forehead disappeared and he became younger than I’d ever seen him. Cazador was haunting his features no longer.
Astarion’s kiss was shy, hesitant, no more than a peck at first. He was still expecting rejection on some level. I brought him back to me, careful not to be aggressive. Both of us were delicate, little more than fragile glass.
The sound of thunder made me flinch as the skies opened up outside, dumping a deluge of rain that was so violent that it snaked through the window to leave droplets on the floor. 
“It’s alright, it’s alright,” Astarion moved his body over mine, feeling the slight tremors in my arms. “It must’ve been awful for you to live in such silence for so long, afraid to make a sound, jumping at any noise. I understand. Don’t worry, my love, I’ll protect you. I promise.”
He distracted me with a kiss that was much deeper, more consuming. When the rumbles and deafening boom split the sky again, I was far too preoccupied to care. 
“I need you,” Astarion whispered against my lips. “Gods, if I might die in what is to come, I do not want the regret of never feeling your bare body against mine.”
“Are you sure you’re ready after what happened today? Don’t do this just to take your mind away from it, it’ll hurt you more in the long run.”
“Darling…” the words caught in his throat and the way he looked at me, like I was the radiant sun, the goddess Sune herself… “You are just extraordinary, do you know that? You really do love me, don’t you?”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“True enough. I am sure. I have never been surer of anything in my life.”
The rain was bouncing harder through the window as Astarion took off my clothes with reverence and divested his. I felt speckles of water tickling at me as the wind changed directions. 
Another clap of thunder, a flash of lightning and his body was illuminated like fine marble. When he came to kiss me again, my hands wandered wherever they could, finding the scar he had talked about before in the attic and I made sure to be gentle with my affections. 
We did not communicate with words, our actions belied enough how desperate we were for each other. In two more peals of thunder, Astarion’s head was between my legs and devouring me as eagerly as he had my blood all those weeks ago. 
“Gods!” My voice was lost to the rain, fingers twisting in the pillow around me. 
He still heard, driven on in a mad hunger to feel me writhe, twitch and submit to his centuries of prowess. Arms caged my thighs to his face, keeping me still as that warm tongue pushed me to ruination. 
I was thankful another crack of thunder swallowed the rising cry I made. I was still conscious of those next door, Astarion’s companions, and there was no possible way I could’ve silenced the shriek of pleasure that had exploded out of me. 
I was drunk on it, dizzy on it and only Astarion’s lips meeting mine again brought me back from the stars I saw in my vision. 
“Gods, but I would do that every fucking night to you just to see you lose all control. You are intoxicating,” his voice was dark with salacious intent as he viewed me through hooded eyes. 
“And I would let you make me come undone until I could repeat nothing but your name, until you are the only god I would worship.”
A feral growl rent his throat as he mouthed along my breastbone, hot tongue moving to curl around my rain-chilled and peaked nipple. For the barest moment, he carefully bit, enough to excite, not enough to cause pain.
“Astarion, I am more than ready for you,” I begged but he still would not relent, mapping every inch, committing it to memory, tormenting me in a delicious way. “Please!”
“Fine,” he chuckled, prowling back up until I could feel him pressing for entrance. “Since you pleaded so beautifully.”
One languid roll of his hips and he slid into me, stealing my breath away. I couldn’t stop touching his body as he began thrusting gently, craving the whole of him. Sex had never been this consuming for me.
I had never loved like this before though. It was almost comical to think I had ever loved the suitors from my past when faced with such raw emotion, a burning desire and a selfness need to protect.
“Say it. Say you love me,” Astarion whispered in my ear, grinding harder, forcing my legs further apart with one lifted knee. 
“I love you, Astarion, I love you!”  I proclaimed to the walls, the world outside. 
I felt his tongue lathe up my neck and knew he had the urge to bite just from how his lips parted against the soft skin.
“Do it,” I got lost in the sensation.
“Just a little taste,” fangs sank in. 
The sharp pain rippled through me, meeting and merging with the cresting wave of pleasure as Astarion never broke stride. I succumbed first, holding him to me tightly as he followed moments after, stuttered moans against my throat as I felt him pulse within me. 
For a time we stayed like that, melded, sated. He began laughing softly though as he pushed up onto his hands, bloody mouth shaped into that familiar smirk. 
“Well well well. I never imagined you’d enjoy pain like that. I bet the first time I bit you you must’ve been rabid.”
“Says the vampire who fell apart mere seconds after doing it to me just now,” I teased back. “We both learned something about the other.”
“Yes,” Astarion withdrew, going to shut the window before returning to throw blankets over us both. “I learned that the woman I love is a deviant. What an exciting discovery.”
He swilled his mouth out with wine and washed his face with the small basin next to the bed before twisting my limbs over his to keep contact. 
“So am I?” I prompted.
“Are you what?”
“Absolutely awful in bed?”
Recalling that conversation of days past set him off laughing, the genuine laugh that creases the eyes. He seemed much more carefree now.
“Not in the slightest. I’ve never had a lover who’s been that enthralling before. You have delightful moans that don’t make me want to cut my ears off for a start. Not to mention you pushing back against me. That was new. Were you that desperate to get me deep, darling?”
“Of course. I wanted to feel all of you.”
“Then feel this,” he took my hand and placed it over his heart. “Feel this and know it is yours. I know we have much to discuss about how this will work, if I don’t die from some uncharacteristic heroics that is, but right now, I am the happiest I have ever been.”
“As am I,” I kissed him softly. 
“I am free of a monster and now beholden to the most wonderful woman of my long existence. I will have no regrets in the battle to come.”
“Astarion?”
“Hmm?” He gazed at me with adoring eyes. 
“I will wait for you. I will wait for you while you’re fighting for this city. When you win, give me a year. Give me a year of this, of love, of joy, of you and then ask me to join you then, to become what you are.”
“You’d say yes?”
“I might say yes. I just need time to make that choice.”
He drew me closer, speaking into my hair as he inhaled the scent, relaxing more, “Gods, I want to be selfish and have you for eternity, to preserve you as you are but I would love you as a mortal until you lack the strength to stand, until you become frail and grey. I will love you whatever you choose but I will not pretend it will not break my soul to know our time is limited, should you remain as you are.”
“Then make every moment count.”
The storm continued to rage outside, mingling with the sounds of song from the next room. We did not join his companions that night, too wrapped up in each other and unwilling to let go. 
Wending conversations, devoted affection, even another bout of energetic intimacy, we were one person in that little side room. To know that it wasn’t the end of the hardship yet, we drank our fill of each other.
When the dawn finally came, when an awkward Gale opened the door to wake us and immediately shut it again upon seeing our naked bodies, Astarion finally had to release me. 
“Play nice with the others,” he gave me a lingering kiss. “For hells sake don’t encourage Minsc and his ridiculous rodent. Definitely do not talk to the cambion. She’ll have you locked into a pact quicker than you can change your underwear.”
“I’ll be fine. Go. They need you,” I ran my fingers through those curls, possibly for the last time. “Gortash is going to be tricky to defeat with the Steel Watch.”
“I’m coming back, my love,” he was so earnest. “I’m making it back to you.”
“I know you are. You’ve done it once before. When you do though, make sure you bring me Gortash’s hand with those ridiculous fucking rings on it. I’ve seen him strike a friend of mine for refusing his advances and he cut her cheek to ribbons.”
“Gladly,” Astarion’s eyes glittered. “My vengeful little princess. You and I were made for each other, honestly.”
He was finally dragged out of the room by Karlach who gave me a quick smile before I rushed to the window and saw the party setting off. Even as he went, Astarion turned and gave me one last look, placed a hand over his heart and bowed before he scurried off to join the others.
All I could now was remain here but I had hope. I had hope that the nightmare was nearly over, that I would soon have a thousand evenings of unbridled happiness and maybe, just maybe even an eternity of it.
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chaethewriter · 11 months
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with(out) you
Jack Champion x reader
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In which Jack follows his dreams, unbeknownst to you hurting.
word count: 2,2k
tagged: @viivvriv @genesis4545 @norrisgf @darkcrusadestrawberry @drxwstxrkxy @wafflehousewrold
A/N: requested by my fellow Jack pookies. this took me 5 hours to write my attention span sucks ass. DON'T GET INTO MY INBOX HATING— JACK IS MY COMFORT RN DURING THESE STRESSFUL WEEKS. Anyway to my other pookies, ily enjoy. <3 tell me what tou thought.
Are y'all in need of a part 2?
Jack's career was skyrocketing. You shouldn't be surprised: an important role in Avatar The Way of Water and Ghostface in the popular Scream franchises with a movie featuring Pedro Pascal on the way. Your boyfriend was going places and you couldn't be prouder, but his career skyrocketing also meant he was highly recommended among casting directors. You should be proud of him. You didn't want to be in the way of his success, but what about your boundaries?
He got fancasted in a romcom on social media, to which he grew interested in. He was the top choice, it was everywhere. The existence of the handsome actor named Jack Champion spread like wildfire. You didn't know all the details, but he got casted as the handsome love interest. Just the way everyone wanted it to be. He was trending thanks to this role and he couldn't wait where it would bring him. You were happy for him, but another side of you couldn't help but feel uncomfortable a the thought. You knew it was work, of course you did. It was part of his work and besides, he loved you, right? But you still felt uncomfortable at the thought of him holding another, kissing another, being another's. You never dared to voice these feelings out, though. And you wished you did.
News got out of the casting of the movie and media went into an uproar, everyone but you. The publicity of the casting meant that filming would start. He asked you to be there for him and you reluctantly agreed. You could follow college online, so you didn't have an excuse not to go with him. Was it selfish of you to think like this? You really wanted to be the supportive girlfriend one would see on television, and you felt bad that you currently weren't that person for him.
"Are you proud of him?" You would answer that question truthfully: with a nod, because you were proud of him and what he had achieved.
Being behind the scenes was anything but exciting. Sitting at a table somewhere behind the crew as you typed away on your laptop. Your gaze would occasionally wander in front of you, craning your neck to see Jack in his glory, working his ass off. You couldn't help but smile as you watched him in his role. It was amazing to see how he could go from being Jack to a fictional character. But your smile faded as the camera was rolling and Jack gave her a look similar in your eyes. A look he gave you when he looked at you. A look that wasn't only yours anymore.
You packed your stuff and discreetly left the scene, phone in hand as your thumbs typed away on the screen.
You should have communicated properly.
Jack's phone buzzed in his mother's pocket.
Her <3: I had to leave in an urgent, ily I'll see you soon.
Your relationship was rocky, not the same as before. Jack wasn't stupid. Something was wrong. He may be busy, but he always noticed any small detail that changed when it came to you. He didn't want to push you, so he decided to not push you further. What a mistake that was.
Not communicating your feelings properly.
Not pushing himself to ask you about it.
Was that your downfall?
With this lack of communication, filming continued, with you out of touch with reality. You still stayed in the city Jack was filming at. You wanted to be there for him, but being on set? That you couldn't do. You would be wandering around the city, sitting at cafes as your gaze would focus on the assignment in front of you. You only saw one another at night, when he met you at his trailer after filming. Sharing a small kiss before heading to sleep.
Even that was taken away from you.
As you, unfortunately, walked in during a kissing scene. A kissing scene that they had to redo continuously. Wrong perspective. Touchier. More passion. You couldn't help but watched how his lips moved in sync with hers as she pulled him down by his collar, his hands on her waist. Their bodies pressed against one another. The camera tilted as he pressed her against a nearby wall, deepening the kiss.
"Cut! That was amazing!"
You had already disappeared amongst the crew, your appearance unbeknownst to Jack.
As well as your feelings.
How could you ever voice yourself?
How could he make you talk?
Since that day, you hadn't kissed him on the lips. They didn't belong to you anymore. Was there anything of him that was still yours?
He had shared his longing gazes, his I love you's, his lips, his touches.
What was still yours?
Could you still call him yours?
Every morning, every night, he had leaned in for a kiss from you. His girlfriend. He didn't feel anything for the kisses he did for work, but yours. Yours would always give him butterflies. Made him feel like he was floating. Made his heart beat faster.
But his heart did the polar opposite.
It broke.
It broke as you leaned to the side, his lips landing against your cheek instead.
What had gone wrong?
He watched your expression. A forced smile. He couldn't help it anymore. He couldn't watch the process of your relationship falling apart.
"Baby, talk to me." His voice was soft as it cracked, holding your cheeks in his hands, basically forcing you close to him. Thus forcing your gazes to lock. Your eyes faltered, tears almost welling up in your eyes. Almost. Then your gaze traveled to his lips. Lips that not only you kissed.
"Soon, Jack." Your lips pressed against the tip of his nose as you lied through your teeth. Not knowing you weren't the only one hurting.
Communicating was important, you knew that. But communicating meant explaining your feelings. It meant ruining Jack's career. You couldn't bare to do that. So during the entirety of filming and after, this pain went on.
Him <3: We will be there in 15, my love <3
Her <3: see you soon x
The premiere of the movie. With flashing cameras, interviews, crowds and the first watch. Jack had picked you up with his mother. You were his plus one, of course he had chosen you as his plus on. Who else could he have chosen? Even though the two of you were arguing and you still didn't talk, he wanted to work this out with you. He had hoped this premiere could bring you closer.
If only he knew.
You stayed in the background as Jack walked past the rolling cameras, microphones pressed into his face as every interviewer wanted the first answers to their questions for the rising star. Beside him stood the his co-star, the two of them smiling as they spoke into the microphone. You envied her. Ironic, envying a girl while you were the girlfriend.
"Everyone was amazing. The crew, the director, the cast. It was an unforgettable experience that for sure made me grow as an actor."
"Yes definitely. Jack was amazing to work with and I look forward to working with him more often. There was a bond that immediately clicked, which helped with our chemistry."
It made you sick to your stomach, watching them bond. Their chemistry had grown so much over the months. While you were brooding about your relationship, the two of them had grown so close. Why couldn't you just tell him how you felt?
With your head full of painful thoughts, Jack took you by the waist as he led you towards the venue. While he was proud to show you off to everyone as the cameras were shooting pictures of you, your mind was elsewhere. If only he had already connected the dots and gotten out of there with him, maybe the night would have turned out different.
At that point, you wanted to be anywhere else but there. The lights were off as the movie played on the big screen. You wanted to look away the entire time, the way your hands fiddled in your lap looking so much more interesting than the screen in front of you. But you wanted to support him, watch him act and praise him for it, so you endured the aching in your heart as you focused on your boyfriend holding another in his arms. Jack took notice of this. If he was honest, he could care less about whatever happened on screen: his gaze was focused on you and you only. The way you reacted to anything on the screen. His eyebrows furrowed, as if it finally settled in what was wrong with you.
"I love you, why don't you understand that?!"
"it will always be you!"
His lips pressed against hers, a heated make out scene on full display. The scene you had walked into. You felt sick in your stomach, tears welling into your eyes. You couldn't make a fool out of yourself, so you got up and left. Just like that. He watched you leave and shot up from his seat himself, covering most of the screen for the people behind him. He mumbled soft apologies as he rushed after you.
He had to find you and this time, he would make you talk.
To your dismay, he had found you fast. His long legs keeping up with your shorter ones. You stood in the middle of some empty hallway with your back facing him, your face in your hands as you sobbed. All the emotions you had kept inside you were bursting out, all at once. You were definitely overreacting. He was just doing his job, but why did it hurt?
"babe?" his voice rang through your head. He couldn't see you like this. You have been rubbing your eyes, your makeup was smudged for sure. He stepped towards you, slow but steady, "please talk to me? Don't tell me you're fine. Since I got casted you have been so off.." His voice trailed off, as if the realization finally hit. You were hurting. And it was his fault. The realization made him lunge himself at you, his hands settled on your waist as he pulled you closer. You felt your heart crack.
That wasn't only yours either. You pushed him away with your elbows, thus making him stumble back. "You're not mine anymore."
What?
Not yours?
You owned his heart. You carried it with you everywhere you went, unbeknownst to you. Your name was engraved into his heart. It was beating for you, and only you. He was yours. His mind, body and soul was yours.
"I'm yours, everything that has to do with me is yours."
You snapped. All your frustrations shot out, like lava escaping an active volcano.
You turned to him, your face covered in smudges as your hot tears rolled down your face. "Do you know how it feels to see my boyfriend be someone else's?! You held her like you do with me, you looked at her like you do with me. Hell, you never kissed me like you did with HER. So no, you're not mine. Because when I look at you, I just see you with HER. I can't do it Jack, and I'm sorry."
You held your arms to your chest, as if you tried to protect yourself from further heartbreak. The sight broke him. He never meant to hurt you and he wanted to prove you. A step closer to you was all it took for you to stumble backwards, "why didn't you tell me? I would have understood. Babe, We could have fixed this early on."
"No, Jack. Holding you back was never my intention. And look at you, this romance role made you skyrocket," your voice cracked, "you're a star Jack."
"If being a star means I am hurting you, then I don't want it. You don't hold me back, you could never hold me back. Please, I will do whatever to be with you. There are enough roles for me to get that doesn't include intimacy! Like horror roles, a cool badass side character. There is so much." he was rambling and he knew that. But he couldn't help it. He had to do whatever to make you stay.
"You always wanted to be a star and reach the charts, you-"
"I LOVE YOU! It will always be you! You would always be on my first place! I can't do this without you, please." That sounded incredibly similar. A familiar scream, so echoey that they had gained peoples attention. Phones were taken out, as well as flickering lights filling the room. But he could care less, he needed to fix this.
Yet you were thinking the complete opposite. You had to leave, you couldn't handle crowds. You could hear his pleads as you tried your best to make your way out.
He watched you leave, his tears rolling down his face as his hands were in his hair.
"Jack! Mind telling us what was going on?"
"Jack! Are you officially single now?!"
"Jack smile for us please!"
"Jack here!"
"Jack this way!"
Overwhelmed.
Aching.
He got on his knees as he cried, his face in his hands as he begged everyone to leave him alone. Begged them to let him cry at your departure.
This was his dream, but at what cost?
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Genshin Men With an Extra Bubbly Sweetheart ♡
I just can’t get this idea out of my head!!! Genshin men with a giggly, uppity, energetic and sweet lover! Some, it would really work for! Some, it would be a little bit of a growth curve! Some…well for some it’s a long adjustment period. But they love you for you, even if your energy doesn’t match theirs at all. So let’s see how things shake out!!
Diluc, Kaeya, Xiao, Zhongli x fem!reader II Romance, comfort, fluff!
Content warnings: mention of drinking to the point of blacking out and description of depressive feelings (Kaeya).
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You’re a really good outlet for Diluc to step out of his comfort zone. Normally, he’s withdrawn from the public eye as much as possible. At parties, he’s the kind of guy to drink alone (he brought his own grape juice), quietly in a dark corner. So who better to break him out of his shell than the prettiest and most jubilant person he’s ever met? He’s a fool for you, doing anything you want as long as you ask him nicely (hell, you don’t even have to ask nicely. But you always do), so there’s no social boundary of his he won’t extend if it means bringing a smile to your lovely face. You drag him out into the middle of the city square during a festival to dance, every citizen watching in shock as the notoriously foreboding wine tycoon dances with his darling, fervor in his step, twirling and lifting her as she giggles merrily. Epics can be written about how the airy woman stokes flame from the coal heart of the cold, powerful man—bringing fire to his heart once again. Venti’s already on it. Before Diluc mows him down, you chime in with cheer for such a song to be written about you and your lover! Guess it’s out of said lover’s hands.
You bring life to Kaeya’s cold heart. Sure, Kaeya puts on a sly smile for others—he masks as smooth and sly and charismatic. But deep down, we know he’s in a lot of pain. The pain eats him up inside—somedays it’s stronger than others, but ever day, he carries it’s weight. But when you step into his life? Things change for him. When he first met you, he found your bubbliness very cute, but he didn’t expect it to be so disarming. No matter what someone says, that gracious smile never leaves your features—you’re endlessly open and kind, incapable of judgement or rejection. Your smile and perpetually giving heart, your ability to light up a room with your jokes and energy, feels like stepping into a warm restaurant on a cold winters night. He finds himself smiling fully with you, expressing himself in ways he never thought he could, and most of all, he feels a deep and honest connection to another person. He doesn’t drink as much as he used to, either. When he would once hop from one bar to the other, getting cut off by multiple bartenders in one night until he blacks out and finds himself passed out on the cold cobblestone of the town square, he now…can’t find it within himself to inebriate himself to that point anymore. Or even at all. He’ll take a few sips of his drink, but ultimately doesn’t want to miss a single word you say, or a single pretty giggle from your mouth. Most of all, he doesn’t want to worry you. He never wants to be the reason you frown. You make consciousness bearable. No, more than bearable. You make it…healing. So when you ask for his heart, he gives it to you without question or hesitation. He’ll give you anything in the world as long as it keeps your life happy. And he’s honored that you’d want to have him in it.
Xiao doesn’t know how to handle you. One day, you met him on the terrace of the Wangshu Inn, a dopey surprised expression on your features, and it feels like you haven’t left since. Or at least, you haven’t left his mind since. He’s never experienced attraction or closeness to another person, but he found your pure soul and liveliness…impelling. At first, he decided this feeling was just an urge to protect you—to defend a creature that brings so much joy to others. But after you kept coming back, kept chatting at him despite his stoic silence and discomforted face, kept bumping shoulders with him, ignoring his warnings about his karmic debt, kept…smiling at him, kept calling an elated feeling to rise in his chest, making his once still heart thunder like it never has before—he knew it had to be something else. You were just so uppity and lovely, he couldn’t resist you anymore. So, despite all of the warning bells in his head screaming at him not to, he told you, “I…want to be close to you…always.”. That was definitely a confession if you’ve ever heard one! So of course you threw your arms around him and kissed his cheek in joy. He gripped one hand onto the wrist holding his face and stabilized you with a hand on your waist, brain short-circuiting and blushing so hard steam shot out of his ears. The urge to run was so strong it made his hands shake, but the desire to be near you, to soak up all of the love you were willingly spilling onto him, was beyond overpowering. He was yours. Despite himself, he was yours. And he couldn’t be happier.
Zhongli finds your bubbliness endearing. You’re like a bunny rabbit—hopping from one person to the next, inciting joy wherever you go, never losing your energy. When you first met him, he found it slightly strange that a person could wear such a big smile in a funeral parlor. Of course, his boss could, but she had more than a few screws loose. But…it really didn’t seem like you did, from his initial investigation. You were just…endlessly happy. Which was a lovely sight to see. In his 5000 years of life, he’s never met a person so full of heart and delight. Your jubilant nature was something he adored about you; he found himself wanting to watch you everywhere you went, listen to every conversation you had, because you were just so enrapturing! Every time you found him and started excitedly chattering about your day or your new favorite thing or a person you met, he would hum happily and rest a cheek on his propped-up hand. He had a habit of looking at you like you were the most delicious thing in the world—like a lion to your bunny-like nature. This look of his, reserved only for you, sometimes caught you off guard, taking you out of your joyful musings, making your cheeks turn pink and eyes go slightly wide. He couldn’t help it! Your spirit was satiating to his old soul. And he also couldn’t help but enjoy your sweet and delicate features—he was a man, after all. He’d often invite you to have tea or dinner with him, just so he could close his eyes and listen to the bell-like ringing of your voice; but he was thoroughly surprised when, after a nice dinner by the harbor and a sweet goodnight, you placed a soft kiss on his lips. Oh. she believed this was a date. And…she seemed to enjoy it!, he thought with a composed smile. Happy to bring you such a lovely feeling, a feeling like those you graciously share with him every day—and pleasantly surprised to know you found him as alluring as he found you. So he brought you back into him, placing an even more fervent kiss to your lips—making you squeak, startled, but immediately return his fervor. Looks like the the lively bunny rabbit has caught the lion! And to his rapture, she was never going to let him go ♡
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howaboutcastiel · 2 years
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Not My Intention (Moon Boys x F!Reader)
Content Warning: mentions of physical/mental abuse
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Word Count: 3.1k
Request (Abbreviated) @twhgirl
Could you write one moon boys x female!reader, where they've been dating for a while… They notice she gets anxious and startled very easily, but when they bring it up she always brushes them off so they don't pry. They don’t know she's previously been in an abusive relationship. And maybe they're at an office party and some guy comes to her when she's alone and the boys get jealous since it's obvious he's trying to flirt with their girl.
Content: Angst!! Fluff, poorly translated Spanish (obligatory) this shit is pathetic and soFT (not a comment on the recommendation just my writing) reader is dating the entire MK system
This is the first time I’ve tried to write in omniscient 2nd person so forgive me if I mess up the perspective somewhere <3 Thank you for the request!!! Much appreciated
~~
It had been just over a month since you had moved in with your boyfriends. Steven had tried to get you to move in sooner, even offering to cook you breakfast each morning to entice you, but you were trying to take this relationship one step at a time. The boys didn’t quite understand your apprehension, but they respect the boundaries that you put in place. You hadn’t told them the reason that you wanted to take things so slowly. They didn’t know about the damage your last boyfriend had left in his wake.
You had fallen absolutely head over heels for him, desperate to do anything to please him. You didn’t even care about all of the glaring red flags, like how he refused to meet your parents or to introduce himself to your friends. Before long, you had shut yourself off from everyone in order to meet his every demand. You endured the yelling, the manipulation, the guilt-tripping, and even the flat-out threats. You had even endured his escalation to violence; by then, he’d convinced you that you deserved it. It wasn’t until a particularly heated argument left you in the hospital with two broken ribs that you finally realized you had to get away from him. 
And so you did. But the damage was already done. Your self-esteem was shattered and your ability to trust equally so. You hadn’t even been looking for a relationship when you first met Steven Grant, but you were so taken aback by his gentleness. At this point in your life, it was the most attractive quality a man could have. You had been fairly understanding when Steven introduced you to Marc and Jake, as you felt safer by any of their sides than you’d felt in years. They soon all three became your devoted boyfriends, and you were happy. You didn’t fully comprehend how much your past abuse still affected you, though. How it still lingered in your subconscious. 
Tonight was the office Christmas party at your job. It would be the first time that your coworkers would meet your boyfriend (whomever was fronting tonight, that is). It would also be the first time that you would see all of your colleagues in one place, as this was the first office party you would be attending for the company. 
Jake had convinced you to wear quite a revealing dress, insisting that he wanted everyone to see how beautiful you were and maybe even be envious because you belonged to him. You thought he looked ravishing in his own suit, complete with a plum-colored tie to match the color of your dress. The party was more crowded than you had anticipated. You’d never even met many of the employees here, and you were just as unfamiliar with their plus ones as they were with your own. 
Jake was considerably more in his element than you were at a party. He was easily the most charismatic man you’d ever seen, able to stir up a conversation with any stranger in the room. You were not quite as socially confident. You spent a large portion of your night following him around. It was easy to smile and nod while he kept the conversation going with your peers. When he had spilled some of his soda onto his tie, though, he’d had to excuse himself to the bathroom, leaving you alone in the sea of largely unfamiliar people.
You started by looking for someone familiar to talk to, someone you saw on a more regular basis. Finally, you found your friend Cameron sipping wine in the corner with her girlfriend. It didn’t take you long to figure out that both of them were quite drunk. You let your small talk fizzle out after it became evident that they were too far gone to keep it going, rambling over you about some trip they were taking to Rome over the holiday. 
“Hey, pretty lady,” A quite inebriated man interrupted your half-listening to Cameron’s babbling. You recognized him as a new hire you’d seen once or twice, but you didn’t know his name. He made you uncomfortable, but you knew better than to be rude to creepy men at this point. “How are you liking the party?”
“It’s pretty fun,” You replied, trying to be polite but not intending to stimulate a conversation with him. “Was just talking to my friends here.”
“Oh, I’m sure they won’t mind.” He purred and you could smell the alcohol on his breath. He was standing just slightly too close to you, leaning into the table in a subtle effort to keep you from walking away. “What’s a pretty girl like you doing here all by yourself? Would think you’d have a man on your arm.”
“He’s in the bathroom! My boyfriend,” You added quickly, causing him to raise an eyebrow in suspicion. You hoped that he didn’t think you were lying. You continued, “I’m sure he’ll be out in just a minute.”
“Well, I’ll just wait here with you then.” He said, placing a suggestive hand on your shoulder. Your instincts told you that shoving it off would be a bad idea. “I would sure love to meet him. Say, I didn’t catch this ‘boyfriends’ name. Who’s the lucky man, sweetheart?”
“My name is Jake.” You caught a breath in your throat as Jake emerged behind the man. Feelings of relief and of guilt fought each other inside your head. Was he going to be angry at you? God, you hoped he didn’t think you were flirting. At least he was here to get this odd man away from you, though. The thoughts scrambled for dominance in your brain. 
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Jake.” The man all but spat at your partner, dropping his grasp on your shoulder. “Quite a feisty one you’ve got here, wouldn’t you say? What a lucky guy you are.”
“Yes, she’s quite a pistol.” Jake’s expression was unamused. He wrapped his arm around your waist, more assertively than he normally did. “And uh… I didn’t catch your name. Do you work here as well?”
“Something like that.” The man replied shortly. He walked away, now uninterested as he realized you were a taken woman. And that the man you belonged to wasn’t exactly a pushover. Jake, however, looked anything but uninterested.
“Honey, who was that man?” The expression on his face was unreadable. It sent a weight to the pit of your stomach. You didn’t know how to respond.
“He’s, um…” you all but choked on the words, now genuinely upset by the look of betrayal on your boyfriend’s face. You didn’t know how to explain the man’s unwanted advances. Hell, you didn’t know if Jake would even believe you if you did. “He just started working here a few weeks ago.”
“Hmm.” Jake seemed annoyed, and you felt yourself break into a cold sweat. Despite all you knew about your partner, you were exhibiting a fight-or-flight response to his upset. Spiralling thoughts began to stir in your already fumbling brain. 
Oh God, he’s mad at me. He thinks I was flirting with that man. That disgusting man! What’s he going to do? I’m gonna have to sleep on the couch tonight. But I can explain it to him! Surely he will listen to me. Oh fuck, now he’s giving me the silent treatment. Is he going to yell at me in the parking lot?
The thoughts continued to race through your mind. Of course, they couldn’t be further from the truth. Yes, Jake was giving you the silent treatment. But it wasn’t because he was upset with you. He hadn’t noticed the man’s unwanted advances--to him it appeared that the man was being playful, and that you were joking along with him. No, Jake was being silent because he was jealous. Not so much as that you’d broken his trust, but that he’d gotten himself riled up by the idea that you were his. Well, his, Marc’s, and Steven’s, but nonetheless he knew that you belonged to him. 
Yes, Jake was giving you the silent treatment. But not because he was angry at you. Not because he felt betrayed by you. And certainly not because he planned to yell at you in the parking lot or on the way home. On the contrary, he planned to show you just how much he appreciated that you were his. Jake led you out of the doors of the office silently, going over his plan to fuck you into the mattress as soon as you got back to the apartment. 
Your heart continued to beat out of your chest as he all but dragged you into the passenger’s seat of his car. By now, you were covered in a thin layer of sweat, but you didn’t make any comment on what you perceived to be his righteous anger. You didn’t want to cause a scene with your coworkers so close by. 
He was completely silent on the excruciatingly long drive home. Your thoughts continued to escalate. So did his. 
He’s got to be so angry with me.
She looks so fucking sexy in that little dress.
I think he’s gonna yell at me when we get back.
I’m gonna have to rip it off of her. I don’t have the patience to unbutton it.
Should I just apologize to him now? Would that make it worse?
I wonder if she gets off on flirting like that. Does she like making me jealous?
I should have just stayed where I was. Then he wouldn’t have come up to me.
God, I’m gonna show her how much she fucking gets me worked up.
What if he doesn’t want to forgive me? I’ll plead with him all night if I have to.
Voy a perder la puta cabeza. Tan malditamente hermosa. Y todo mio. All mine. 
Perhaps if Steven was co-conscious he would have noticed the way you were shaking. He was the first in the system to notice how anxious you were on a regular basis. Of course all of your boys knew how sensitive you were, but they never pried as to why you were so apprehensive. To them, it just seemed to be your nature and, if it was something else, you would open up when you were ready. 
Nonetheless, Jake was failing to notice you were on the verge of a panic attack. When he did steal glances at you between focusing on the dimly-lit road, he mistook your shortened breathing and blushing skin as evidence you had gotten into the wine at the party. He wasn’t to blame for his lack of understanding, truly. He was barely keeping himself together right now. So he really wasn’t at fault when he continued his ruse by avoiding your gaze as you made your way to the door of the apartment. He didn’t know that you failed to see his disfavor was just teasing. 
After listening to his cheeky thoughts for the whole ride home, the other boys were now bordering on co-consciousness. Steven could see everything through Jake’s eyes, though he was unable to take control. Marc was holding back more intentionally, though he wouldn’t pretend that he wasn’t equally as enthusiastic. He was egging Jake on, just as heated by your body in that skin-tight dress. 
“C’mon man, show her who she belongs to. Make her work for it, too.” They were all eaten up with lust, senses clouded by their desire and their excitement. It wasn’t until the apartment door slammed behind them that they were snapped back to reality. 
You jumped at the way the door shook against the hinges, the sound of contact echoing through the kitchen. You tried not to panic as Jake barreled over to you, jaw locked with aggression. All of your trauma was flooding back to you now, manifesting in your rawest survival instincts. Jake raised a calloused hand up to your face and you reflexively put up your arm to shield yourself.
Then there was silence.
At least, to you. There was shouting inside of Jake’s head as the boys processed what they had just seen.  
What the hell was that? Did she think we were going to… hit her? Why the hell would she think that? Is she scared of us? She’s never been scared of us before. She knows that we would never hurt her. Any of us! It must have been a reflex. A reflex? Why would she have a reflex like that?
Then there was silence in his head, too. 
Oh.
Of course, you couldn’t hear any of their thoughts. Your own thoughts were loud enough to fill the room. You felt immediately guilty for implying that Jake would ever hurt you. That any of them would for that matter. But you also felt a wave of pain as your mind forced you back to where those reflexes were learned. You couldn’t stop the tears before they were streaming down your face, and you couldn’t get enough air in no matter how much you gasped for it. You felt your knees buckle underneath you, luckily your partner was there to brace your collapse to the ground.
“I’m so sorry, mi Vida,” Jake stuttered, pulling your head into his chest. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Or to make you think I was angry. I’m not mad at you, I promise. I thought I was just poking fun. God, baby, I’m sorry.” 
You struggled to regulate your breathing as he massaged your back, holding you as close as he could. His body tensed underneath you and his hands broke their rhythm, indicating someone else was trying to front. You almost felt more guilty that you were making a scene in front of all of your boys. But you were admittedly more comforted by their presence. 
“Did someone hurt you, love?” Steven asked in a gentle whisper. You could only nod into his chest, your voice ravaged by the sobs overtaking your body. “We would never lay a hand on you, darling. Not one of us. Never. I swear it on my life.”
Steven continued to stroke your back, shushing you and repeating “you’re alright”s and “it’s okay”s until your breathing finally began to calm. He planted kisses on the top of your head, waiting patiently for you to regain your composure. It was several minutes before he gently asked you if you’d like to stand up off the floor. 
“How’s about I make you a cup of tea, yeah? And then we can sit and talk if you’re comfortable.” Steven coaxed you over to the couch, handing you the box of tissues he kept on his desk. Your eyeliner had ruined his shirt, leaving uneven stripes down his already soda-soaked tie. He gave no indication that he minded though. In fact, he grabbed one of his own oversized night shirts for you to change into as he waited for the kettle to boil. 
Finally he emerged from the kitchen with your favorite mug in hand. He’d lost his tie somewhere along his little mission to comfort, his top button now undone and his hair disheveled. You almost giggled at the thought of the two of you, hot messes barely reminiscent of your elegant pre-party selves. 
“Here we are, love. Extra milk. Just how you like it.” Steven brandished an uneven grin, wary of your response as he settled on the couch next to you. He spoke genuinely as he handed you the mug. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“No, it’s okay.” You began, sipping from your piping hot cup. Perfect. Steven always made it just right. You knew now that it was time to tell the three of them the truth. They’d already gathered the big idea, anyway, you supposed. They had put so much of their faith in you. Hell, they practically worshipped you. It was time you gave them the honesty they deserved. And time that you admitted to yourself how much healing you still had left to do. 
You talked for hours that night. Mostly with Steven, but Jake and Marc made their appearances, too. Steven was a master of comfort, assuring you of the love and respect that you deserved. He even drew you a bath later that night, lighting your favorite candles and setting up speakers around the tub for you to play music. Jake made his fair share of threats and you had to make him promise not to go after your ex. You weren’t entirely sure he didn’t have his fingers crossed, though. Marc mostly listened. He listened intently. He also made sure to tell you how much he loved you every time you paused for breath. He would have given you the world if he could find a way to hold it in his hands. 
And when you finally succumbed to your exhaustion it was Marc that held you safely in his arms. His chin nestled into your neck, he whispered sweet nothings until he heard you softly snoring. Only then did he start to relax, sure that his best girl was taken care of first. It was the best night's sleep you had ever had in your life. It wasn’t far from his, either. 
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florenceafternoon · 4 months
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━。゜✿ jily fic recommendations ✿ ゜。━
This post is just some of my current favourites because I don’t think I have the energy to make a master list right now. Personally, I like to read aus so if you're looking for canon stuff this isn't the post for you.
For reference, anything in italics is taken from the summaries on ao3.
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in pursuit of the study of magic by @thequibblah
An immortal magician au or, "we had a really bad breakup three hundred years ago, but neither of us realised the other is immortal until we met today"
I recommend you listen to About You while reading this
Growing (in love) by casablancas21 (on ao3)
Uni au where "James Potter has a lot going on for him. His uni years have been the best he's ever had and his friendliness, popularity and charm go a long way to place him as the go-to bloke if one's looking for a good time. Nevertheless, his final year of school finds him struggling to keep up with the social energy that once enthralled him. He's having a hard time figuring out how to set his own boundaries and what to do about his future. He's also having a really hard time figuring out Lily Evans."
I must admit that Lily's comebacks are so good I've used some during class debates in sociology this year. Truly, the dialogue and dynamics between characters in this fic are so good. Pretty sure this is the one with the kebab
Golden Waltz by evanspotter (on ao3)
Lily Evans wants to be the best ice dancer in the world, which means she needs to find a dance partner ASAP. After two failed partnerships, her coach gives her one last option: James Potter.
This fic is the reason I neglected revising for midterms. It also caused me to go into a deep dive into watching tapes of Olympic ice dance programs specifically Virtue and Moir.
on the way home by keep_driving (on ao3)
Lily was living abroad and pinning from afar. After an abundance of "phone calls, mixtapes, and long waits," Lily is finally coming home. I believe this fic is inspired by the song You Are In Love.
When I say jily is friends first, and lovers second this is what I mean
Dancing With Our Hands Tied by @athenasparrow
But despite his best efforts, he couldn’t take his eyes off her figure as she moved effortlessly in rhythm with whatever song she had playing. He learned she was wearing more than a t-shirt when she slid across the kitchen on her socks, throwing her head back to sing words James wished he could hear.
OR: In a world where social distancing reigns supreme, two strangers find themselves confined to their apartments with love only a window away.
The way I binged this fic at school between classes. love love love
The Season by @missgryffin
This is a regency (Brighton) au where "James Potter, Duke of Peverell, has returned to London just in time for the season, where Miss Lily Evans is about to make her debut. Only, he’s not looking for a wife, and she’s not particularly interested in a husband."
I love the dialogue between Lily & James as well as Sirius & Lily's relationship (for those who know Brigerton, it reminds me of Ben and El's relationship).
A Misstep Of Fate by hogwartslivy (on ao3)
A muggle historical au where "he waited for her on the edge of ballrooms and in the shadows of parties. He waited to dance with her, to spin her in his arms, to be the one she laughed and smiled with. He thought he was doing the right thing, allowing time to pass them until they were ready, so he had waited. But it seems, he made a misstep. He's waited too long now she's slipping through his fingers."
My boy is stupid and in love but it's okay because she is too. Their idiots, but they’re my idiots
Let Me Love You by @thejilyship
A Princess Diaries au in which "with only a month until she's set to take the throne of Gryffindor, Lily is informed that she'll have to get married or choose to give up her throne. She never thought she'd have to even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. Enter, James Potter."
chaos ensues and Emma deserves long service leave (the place would fall apart)
foreigner's god by clarewithnoi (on ao3)
answer to a Tumblr prompt: "we were lovers in a past life" but the current incarnations are enemies-to-lovers, and they don't remember anything from their past selves.
The back and forth between them is so good. low-key I teared up a bit but it has a HEA
An October of Unconventional Courtships by @ghostofbambifanfiction
Two phones. Thirty-one days. Eighteen tuxedos. A Jilytober texting fic.
A classic that everyone should read
Shelf Awareness also by @/ghostofbambifanfiction
Modern bookstore au where "It's too far out of her way and she's wasting so much money, but Lily can't help but return to the bookstore every weekend, where her passion for good literature has, perhaps, been unexpectedly reignited by the messy-haired, pun-making, rather handsome bloke who works there."
One of the first ever jily fics that I read and I fell in love with their dynamic straight away
Careless Texter also by @/ghostofbambifanfiction
Answer to the prompt, “I left my phone number on the bathroom stall wall and you text me about your day and your frustrations for a month & it’s really nice and cute but I still don’t know who you are,” with some twists and differences.
Trackside by @hogwartslivy
James Potter is Formula One’s most impressive young talent, making up one half of the championship winning team at Gryffindor Racing. He’s got a reputation for playing dirty on, and seemingly off, the track but when an article quoting a particularly vulgar comment made by him at last years final Grand Prix is released, it seems he may have pushed it too far. Potter faces two options; fix his public image or give up his seat.
When my two obsessions meet
it's (always) you by @kay-elle-cee
A multiverse of 31 meet-cutes for Jilytober 2023.
Honorable mentions to chapter 3 for high!Lily and chapter 7 for fulling my love for jily regency aus
Key Limes by cgner (on ao3)
Fame au "in which Academy Award winner Lily Evans discovers the periphery of internet fandom and the mysteries of Prince James’s gold star system."
Because James is actually just a giant build a bear and lily is an icon as always.
See You At the Next Stop by kayrma (on ao3)
Lily Evans meets a posh-looking bloke with messy hair on the way back to London, and for once in her life she actually enjoys a train ride. Maybe having a spontaneous seat partner isn't that bad after all.
Shoutout to the notes on this fic because whoever wrote it is a mood
Nom De Plume by @annabtg
James Potter, renowned potioneer, has a secret side career as an erotica writer under the pen name of Scarlett Goldwing. When his latest book starts to take off, and Scarlett is asked to promote it at a public event, he has no other option but to recruit his colleague Lily Evans to pretend to be Scarlett. The only problem is, Lily Evans hates his guts… or does she?
(Rated E for later chapters)
Like did you read that summery because personally I was waiting for the author to complete the story so I could binge it
victorem (requires an ao3 account ) by gryffindormischief (on ao3)
(Olympic) Ice dancing au. "When God closes a door, sometimes you have to jump out a window."
Lily and James (and Sirius) aka the dynamic duo
Phone Service by @confuded-gryffindor
Moddern muggel au "in which James and Lily meet twice, both through their phones."
some with arrows, some with traps by @isahorcrux
Fame au. "Then: James Potter was a beloved child star and the lead of a popular YA franchise. Lily Evans was just getting her big break as his romantic lead in the third installment. While their chemistry got rave reviews, if the rumors are to be believed the two actors can barely stand to be in the same room together.
Now: Lily’s paid her dues and ten years later she’s the most in-demand actress in Hollywood. And James...after back-to-back flops at the box office, he’s just looking for a break and a chance to prove he is the amazing actor everyone thought he was going to be."
Much Ado About Nothing, but make it Jily
The group chat is the level of chaos me and my friends extrude every free line we spend together
Charred Pineaple Margarita's and a Bagel by @chiechie97
The guy at the coffee shop was hot. Hot and he knew her order. But that didn’t mean ANYTHING. Especially when he seemed to know everyone’s order. And besides, Lily is far too busy to be thinking about the hot guy that always has her breakfast waiting for her. Right?
Lily and Remus are me
and i know you too well to say you're perfect by @ofmermaidsandmarauders
“Yeah, you were a pretty big moron.” “Hey, I said idiot!”
Lily's not really sure when James Potter, soccer extraordinaire, took over her life with Harry.
What the summery said
The next few fics are all by @wearingaberetinparis or ritaskeetered (on ao3) who is the reason I joined the jily fandom. Single handedly enabled my obsession and I've never been more thankfull.
The Very Regency (Un)Ladylike Guide To Fortune-Hunting
Regency au. "Without thinking highly either of men or matrimony, marriage had always been her object; it was the only honourable provision for well-educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, must be their pleasantest preservative from want." (Jane Austen)
Lily Evans finds herself wanting, or: so her sister seems to believe. While out on the hunt for a fortune - again: that would be Mrs Dursley mostly - the affection of a number of suitors is most welcome. Especially when a young Viscount's heart is set aflame.
Screaming, crying, punch me in the face (Lily's version)
Jump (For My Love)
Royalty au "When you are the Prince of England, the last thing one might expect is to be jumped from behind by the most beautiful woman one has ever seen, who - in turn - seems to have no clue at all and mistakes one for someone else. Surely, Prince James has the right to be disproportionately upset about this. The question is; does he need to?"
Baby, It's Cold Outside
Olympic au. James, being half Greek, had always dreamed of one day going to the Olympics. Now, at his second Winter Olympics – having won a surprising bronze medal at his first one – James has been dubbed Team GB’s hero before the games have even started.
Lily, being the daughter of a waste collector, had always dreamed of one day making her parents proud by exceeding their expectations. Now, she finds herself on a plane to China together with her boss, Minerva McGonagall, and a crowd of winter athletes representing Team GB at the Winter Olympics of 2022.
The paths of James Potter – overenthusiastic snowboarding hero – and Lily Evans – passionate overachiever – cross at the 2022 Winter Olympics when James Potter is asked to be Team GB’s flagbearer at the Opening Ceremony (and quite a few times after that as well).
The repetition of "James, being half Greek..." worked so well for the flow. I don't know how to describe it
A Game Of Thrones
Modern royalty au. Lily Evans had never imagined she would meet Prince James, but when she does at St Andrews' annual Christmas Pub Crawl, her whole world is turned upside down. For who thought that a girl like her - with a sister that reads "Hello" magazine like it's the Bible - would end up with a prince like him?
Euphemia Potter you will always be famous
flowers
A musician au that hilights sexisim in the music industry. "Singer-songwriter Lily Evans has played gig after gig, has been the opening act to many a headliner, but her big break seems a million miles away. When one night – after playing in her friend Marlene McKinnon’s bar – she receives messily scrawled lyrics on a napkin by a certain Monty Python, her life and career are turned upside down, leading her all the way to the Grammy's."
Lily my love, you deserve everything you've worked for
If You Knew Who Was Talking
hopelessly_devoted and genuinely-conflicted form each other’s support system online, cheering one another on as they battle their way through an unrequited (and most definitely unwanted) crush on the person their parents are trying to set them up with.
In the real world, James Potter and Lily Evans find themselves hopelessly devoted and genuinely conflicted when battling their persistent infatuation with the last person they would have ever liked to fall for, stubbornly fighting their family’s and friends’ convictions that they were born to be together.
If only they knew who was talking.
FOOLS the both of them.
glitter in the sky, i’m spinning out waiting for ya
For her thirtieth birthday, Marlene McKinnon and Mary McDonald gift Lily Evans the thrill of a lifetime: a tandem skydive. What no one expected? For Lily to end up in the hospital as a result with her ankle covered in soul marks.
everybody is a sexy baby, and i'm a monster on a hill
Ficwriter au. "James Potter and Lily Evans are fandom famous. Both are prolific and popular writers within the Marauders fandom, but they have completely ignored the other's existence for two years after a Tumblr misunderstanding. Now, they are paired up for the Valentine's Marauders Challenge and - forced to interact - they find out that they may be more compatible than they ever could have imagined."
Is this not the dream?
fastening myself to you with a stitch
Fame au. "Anyone who has never heard the names Lily Evans and James Potter before must be a boomer. The two actors have dominated the box office with their films in the past nine years, more often than not starring opposite one another. Whether tasked to portray mutual pining, passionate hatred or fiery love, Potter and Evans make the screen positively buzz with the taste of opportunity."
it's all happening without me
Normal People (Sally Roony) au. "At school, James and Lily pretend not to know each other. James is wealthy, popular and the star of his school’s football team, while Lily wears second-hand school uniforms, is the school pariah and resented for her smarts. At James’ house, however – meeting there due to Lily’s mother’s housekeeping job – they form an intense connection they desperately try to conceal to the outside world.
A year later, James and Lily both attend Hogwarts University where James has found his feet and made friends he had longed for his entire life, while Lily remains uncertain and haunted by her problematic past.
Throughout their years at university, James and Lily circle each other, trying to resist the magnetic pull between them, whilst coming to the realisation that the both of them may be more religious than they ever thought they were."
Mother knows best. Mary, never question your writing skills because this fic proved that you are a phenomenal writer. The emotions you evoked coverered the entire range of human emotions
It's Coming Down, It's Coming Down Series -
Weird, But Fuckin' Beautiful
When Lily Evans is invited to spend Christmas with the Potters, she finds that she can simply not refuse. It’s an offer she cannot resist for several reasons, the most important one being that she would much rather spend the holidays with Fleamont and Euphemia than she would with Vernon and Petunia.
So what if she had conveniently forgotten (or has she?) about the fact that the Potters have a son - a Formula 1 driver at that - who she can’t seem to get off her mind? (Mightily annoying that, seeing as he has made clear exactly how he feels about her and it’s not exactly giving her any hope.) It’s not as if she can’t control herself.
Or so she very dearly hopes…
Tonight Feels Impossible
But after a night spent together in a hotel's honeymoon suite, she doubts she ever will and fears it might be her downfall.
To All The Kudos I've Left Before
Ficwriter au set in university. "Fanfiction is the guiltiest of pleasures that Lily - twenty years old and studying at Hogwarts University - freely and happily indulges in. She reads fanfiction whenever she has a moment to herself and goes crazy whenever her favourite author - Artemis - updates or uploads another one of his works to Archive Of Our Own. Leaving them comments and the ensuing banter between them back and forth - however fleeting - makes her heart race and preoccupies a fair amount of her thoughts, which - in turn - angers her best friend.
James Potter has never had to suffer from an inferiority complex. His parents and friends are supportive of his every endeavour and this includes his habit to write fanfiction and put his written work out there in the void for his readers to enjoy. His readers are highly supportive too - Lilium being his absolute favourite - that is, until he starts to receive the vilest of comments from a number of guest accounts and starts to question his entire online existence.
What Artemis and Lilium don’t know? That they might know each other a little better than either of them ever bargained for."
The title says it all ❤ ❤❤
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lilithess · 1 year
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ASTRO OBSERVATIONS IV
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capricorn suns are super wild (!!!) and easy to click with. nowhere near the boring capricorn stereotype. they are hardworking, reliable and tough people, but FUN! they have this motherly aura, more so than cancers. a capricorn to me is like a middle aged woman who decided to go wild after a few glasses of wine. and they’re not as judgmental as people claim them to be. the judgy rigid part that everyone talks about goes more for cap moons and mercuries.
aquarius loves a bit of drama (especially men) and wants attention (especially women), but not in a “in your face” way, not in a desperate way. they will keep their cool at all times, it’s like they’re constantly trying to maintain a persona. but if you read between the lines, you’ll notice the competitivness and ego trips. they all have a little “notice me” sittin inside. leo is just more open about it. aquarius men are highly unbothered. aquarius women remind me of closeted scorpio women.
comparing virgo men and virgo women. i don’t know a single nitpicky virgo man. they’re actually all so different. if i met a virgo man, i’d had never guessed it’s him because there’s nothing really that stands out as a common trait. women share the intensity and are incredibly smart and shrewd. i think this sign’s intelligence goes unnoticed. it gives such a “quality” person, even tho the nitpicking can be annoying
geminis can lack a backbone and boundaries a lot, especially at young age. not sure what’s with the “player” stereotype bc i can’t imagine being manipulated by a gemini (especially a guy). they’re honestly kids. however, the gemini as in the sign itself and what it represents has a sort of dangerous potential. they can really be indifferent about matters that i’ve seen no one else be so indifferent about. sort of like “who cares so why not?” lifestyle. they’ll laugh at their own pain like it’s nothing so why not at yours? they have a troll like nature to them and their curiosity has no limits. can be a very dark sign who, for some reason, is considered a light social butterfly.
no one attracts jealousy as well as a leo placement, especially leo rising, venus, and preferably leo stellium. i know a leo rising and that energy ate up her whole chart. no mind her virgo or 12H placements, she’s just OUT THERE in the spotlight always stealing the show. however, i think leo’s intelligence should be apreciated more bc these people are really more than just a diva in a leopard crop top. i’ve seen leo placements dumb themselves down (very annoying) and honestly they can be very naive. the sun shines light at every other planet in our solar system, not the other way around. i think people forget that no matter how much leo seeks attention, they are also the ones giving it to others.
i know mutables are rumored to change the most, but scorpio’s ability to just… change their entire life, identity and being can make you wonder wheather you even knew the person or not. i had a scorpio sun, mercury, mars and ascendant bestie who went from being a rebellious femme fatale who wouldn’t leave the house without make up; wore heels to high school and messed with other people’s relationships for fun - to a stay at home “wifey” with no social life and a man who’s probably not even going to marry her. no one even hears from her anymore. scorpios really die and reborn a completely different person. it’s not the little changes that mutables do on a daily base or just mid conversation. it’s a whole other person.
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black-lake · 1 year
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astro observations 2
more observations today for ya? this time both signs and aspects. 🦊 
Should I call it the Aquarius post? 🤔 I mentioned Aquarius too many times, sorry I relate too hard, bear with me. 
Highlights: aquarius, MC, IC, sun, virgo, capricorn, gemini, sagittarius, jupiter, mercury, moon, scorpio, aries, uranus
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🦋 Aquarius placements especially sun, moon, mercury, mars, MC and ascendant are PROS at ignoring your texts until they want to answer. It's like they either consciously ignore your text to rebel against what others expect them to do and do exactly what they want at that time, or unconsciously rebel in the same way desiring complete "freedom". My bestie is aquarius sun and I'm aquarius MC, we answer each other's texts days or weeks later and are okay with it 💀 oh, the answer is also too irrelevant it makes you want to throw your phone at a wall yay 😻
🦋 Fire moon + fire/air mars and anger issues 🤝
🦋 Virgo moons, you had a critical mom or parental figure, you internalized her voice, you criticize without knowing. Your words can make someone self conscious even if you think it's innocent judgment 🥺 Your words can also make some's day because you are trusted! (applies to gemini moons and mercury too). Don’t take it for granted. Until you know how to use your judgment for good, with balance and kindness you become the warmest most looked up to friend.
🦋 Capricorn moons are such complex individuals, their trauma is unique to them, they can endure and have endured a LOT. They are extremely caring or deadly careless no in between. Keeping it professional is what they're good at. Each one I met is so much different than the other, they have similar but different stories, but they all have this grounded energy that can make them even seem heavy energetically. Once evolved, they can be the wisest people to talk to.
🦋 Aquarius MC individuals might have been too emotionally attached to their family at a young age, especially their mom (with leo 4th). They had so much passion and love for their mom and realized it wasn't equally reciprocated, they were manipulated (hits home). They also might have been jealous and needed the love and attention all on them, but they dgaf anymore. 😎 At a certain age, their family broke their trust and they became completely detached. They learned to be emotionally secure and set strong boundaries with people which shocked everyone. They stopped giving energy to their family or anyone else. They ran out of f*cks to give so soon.
🦋 Aquarius MC/IC they were and always will be seen as weird and different from their family and everyone else (hell I'm seen as controversial and questionable even when I sit still and do nothing). love that.
🦋 Also if you have Aquarius MC, IC or Ascendant check when saturn transits 4th or 10th or aspects the nodes/mc. This indicates the end of karmic cycles with your family related to your self concept and self expression. You will have a chance to break cycles and be more individualistic. It may be painful but hold on. 🥺
🦋 Gemini and Virgo ascendants can be introverted or extroverted, mostly introverted, unless they have planets in the 1st, much air or fire energy. They always have a way with words tho no matter what, and they always are nervous, their minds never shut down, they keep thinking and rethinking lol. These individuals break social norms, research and discuss topics much more profoundly than what has been done before. They have topics to talk about that were forgotten or not discussed enough.
🦋 Sagittarius moons and placements, feeling the need to laugh at the wrong, very wrong time. LOUD laughs . Laughs that make others stare with a look of concern. Making jokes when it's time to get serious. Repeating jokes as it gets more serious. Making more jokes when someone tells them to stop. Laughs at people not laughing at their jokes. Laughs at their own joke before they say it. plz I admire. 
🦋 Gemini, Virgo, Aquarius, Capricorn, Aries, Leo, Scorpio mercuries intrigue me the most, they got something impressive about them, the way they talk and their words are powerful, can equally be destructive and toxic. People can take them the wrong way. What they have to say should be heard period. Watch your speech if you have these signs, you don’t want to hurt people or yourself.
🦋 Now I don’t like to talk about how Scorpio and Aries mars are seen as "sexy" because it's been said trillions of times (even tho I like to read them because I'm a scorpio mars 💀). But hear me out, the most prominent thing about all scorpio mars individuals is that they like to move in complete silence, like they don't exist, like you will never catch them. Every decision they take in life is private, because that's the only way they can shock you with their big success and revenge on all people that didn't believe in them. They want to keep you guessing and never give you answers but will show actions and accomplishments only. Their biggest dream is to come out on top once everyone has forgotten about them (or not), but to see your jaw droppin is their wet dream loool.  
🦋 Mercury conjunct Uranus? and all aspects for that matter, but especially the conjunction. You cannot convince me that these individuals are not geniuses, no matter how dumb they act. Take care of your mind, it's something special gorg. Also your voice must be so unique, it stays on someone's mind and is so vivid when they think of you. 
🦋 Mercury conjunct Jupiter, the philosopher. You just like to talk about abstract and broad topics. Spiritualist at heart, rational to deny it often tho. You have sooo many interests it's insane. You are the jack of all trades. People expect you to know things? You come off as a know it all, even if you don't mean it (yea I have it I relate). You have lessons to learn and teach those around you especially about their concept of life and beliefs. Any compliment you give can mean a lot to people. Your positivity is infectious. 
🦋 Mercury aspecting Jupiter, especially conjunctions can give a lot of optimism, this applies to neptune positively aspecting chiron as well. I see it in charts of people that have heavy saturn, pluto or chiron energy, to balance the darkness, their ability to think positively is healing to them and others because likely other things are destroying them in life and they already have many wounds. Your optimism is not an illusion, it's a gift from the universe. Life gets better as you spiritually evolve. 
🦋 Moon opposite/square mercury, such a hard aspect. A constant mental and emotional conflict. You don't know whether to trust your thoughts or emotions. You don't know when you're trusting either. There is a direct and strong influence of thoughts on emotions. Now that means your thought can hurt you or elevate you so be careful. Especially at a young age your thoughts and others' thoughts have hurt you deeply, as you grow you learn how to balance it out, to not give a f*ck. The good thing about this aspect is that these people pick up on their thought patterns easily and have potential to manipulate their minds to their benefit. Mental health is important to these individuals. Don't let your mind run wild especially in a negative direction. It's also important to surround yourselves with positive people. Music might be important for you to process emotions. 
🦋 Conjunctions are far from being "neutral" aspects imo. They are powerful natural talents and gifts in perspective, confidence, expression and skills. These aspects are always positive, even to challenging planets, if they act negatively then there are likely other challenging aspects to the same planets, the native might have not learned yet how to work with this energy or hasn’t realized their potential. Conjunctions are the highest and strongest potential any two planets can reach. The planets don't become "one", they rather meet eye to eye, acknowledge their qualities fully and work out their differences beautifully which manifests in the form of talents and potential. Yes like all aspects they got their negatives too but their positives enormously surpass the negatives. Conjunctions are highly positive aspects, it's unfair to call them neutral.
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1d1195 · 1 month
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Tulips Extra I
You can read Tulips here. I wouldn't read this if you're having a good day, lol. The original was therapeutic for myself so it's a little on the sad side for sure. It was good timing since I've not been feeling very positive lately.
Anyway, it's probably very angsty with a bit of fluff.
Thank you for reading my diary 😉
~4.7k words
Highly recommend listening to: Lung (Vines version) by Vines & Adrianne Munden-Dixon while reading.
“Shh,” he shook his head. “I got it,” he tilted his head at her. His voice was so sure. Like he was telling her the sun would come up tomorrow.
She supposed it would.
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If she looked in the mirror, she would see a lot of growth. It had been six months since Harry moved in and she was more open, more communicative, and delegated more. Harry was perfect. Probably too perfect. It was almost unfair and if she thought about it too long, she worried a little too much about the ramifications of her own inadequacy.
Harry never let her feel that way. When she made dinner, he nearly threw a parade. If she was at Target and saw something she thought Harry would like and bought it, he thanked her for hours. It was a little overwhelming sometimes to be praised so highly. In previous relationships, she thought about the fanfare she would get from doing those kinds of things but after years of never getting it, she assumed it wasn’t in the cards for her.
But she hadn’t met Harry. He never let her feel that way. Everything she did was thanked with the utmost gratitude. It was unnerving sometimes that he adored her exactly how she imagined love was supposed to be. There were days, weeks, years, when she thought she wasn’t worthy of the love she dreamed about. Harry came along as if all that time feeling sad never existed. He praised her for things that didn’t need it, but it made her smile.
“M'a lucky guy, kitten,” he kissed her on the forehead while they watched TV. She had brought over a cup of hot water. Harry always had a cup in the middle of the afternoon. It was good for his throat, which was prone to colds and good for his vocal cords when he spent so much of his job talking to other people.
*
There were still hard days for her. Days when her mind ran wild and told her that she wasn’t good enough for Harry. That if she didn’t do everything perfectly or if she forgot something at the grocery story, she didn’t deserve to have Harry in her life any longer. Those years of not being good enough, or rather not feeling good enough, were hard to stamp out of her mind. Harry did a wonderful job getting most of it to disappear. But a bad day was a bad day; and it was hard to predict that. Hard to know when her mind would play a trick on her.
Work was okay except everyone was on edge close to the holiday. The end of the year was always a tricky time. Things needed to be wrapped up financially and socially. Honestly, she was probably the calmest one at work, but she was kind. Helping others with their workload because hers didn’t entail the same types of problems that everyone else was facing. But it did require a lot of her mental load. The satisfaction she felt from helping others was really good for her emotional well-being, but it came at a pretty significant cost: she had a really hard time saying no—especially when she needed to say no.
This led her to carrying several grocery bags into her apartment with Harry. She didn’t want to take two trips. Except she was struggling. Two trips would have been better. Or calling Harry when she got to the parking lot would have helped. He wouldn’t have minded either. He probably didn’t know she was grocery shopping after work, or he would have offered to go with her.
But unfortunately, they had gotten into a bit of a... disagreement the night before. Which only added to her stress emotionally. It was a well-based disagreement. Harry worried she was doing too much for her coworkers and thought (in the kindest way possible) that she should set some boundaries where she felt comfortable helping but still able to get her own stuff done.
In her head she did something wrong. Harry was so kind. Extremely understanding of all the boundaries that she failed to set in her work life and with her family. He knew it wasn’t easy for her. But it was hard for him to watch the person he loved struggle to feel okay with anxiety and stress plaguing most of her thoughts over things she didn’t necessarily need to worry about.
She was almost at the door. Her arm was sore from holding the bags up for so long. The circulation in her hand was disappearing from the bags that had slid down. Why she didn’t just set the bags down at the end of the hall will always make her wonder. But instead, of course, the bag ripped open. The one stupid paper bag she had to get from the store to fit everything. Of course, it had eggs in it. While trying catch it, she dropped the gallon of milk she had in her other hand that naturally exploded onto the floor with the eggs. She gasped and looked at the mess she created in the hall. Fortunately, her neighbors weren’t affected. She was so close to her own door the only one impacted would be herself or Harry.
“—her location says she should be home—oh,” Harry stuck his head out from the door. He heard a loud thud from inside the apartment. Paired with his missing girlfriend, he worried she had hurt herself or something coming up the stairs. Harry watched her for a moment, a frown settling onto his lips at the sight. Her shoulders shaking, her lip wobbling while tears filled her eyes. “Love, m’gonna have her call y’back. She jus’ got home. Think she had a tough day,” he murmured. “S’okay. I’ll take care of it. She’ll call y’back,” he promised. “Okay, bye,” he slid his phone into his pocket. Her gaze didn’t move from the mess on the floor, but she could sense Harry approaching her. Like an injured animal in the wild.
“Was that my sister?” She whispered.
He nodded, but she wasn’t looking. “S’nothing serious,” he promised.
“I think she needed help with her assignment or something. I was supposed to call her when I got home so I could read—”
“Love,” he stepped directly into the mixture of eggs and milk and put his hands on her shoulders. “S’not important right now,” his voice was so gentle. Almost too gentle. “Let’s go inside,” he tugged her gently toward the door. “M’gonna clean this up,” he offered easily.
She looked up at him, her eyes so blurred with tears that his expression was hard to make out. The only good thing her tears did was magnify her perception of Harry’s pretty eyes. They actually looked like emeralds and made her heart flutter despite how sad she was. “You don’t have to,” her voice cracked. “I dropped everything. I should clean it—” the tears fell from her eyes in slow motion. It was like she was watching one of those movies where the girl tries to keep working even though she just found out the love of her life died and she was basically ignoring it. She hated those scenes. They hurt so much. She swiped her hand across her face. “I just need to grab—”
“Kitten,” Harry stilled her movements as she tried to push away from him. “Angel,” he whispered softly. “Please stop.”
“No, I’m okay,” she promised, the saddest smile falling across her lips. Harry looked at her with so much worry and he shook his head.
“No, kitten. You’re not,” his voice was low and he cupped the side of her neck and held her in place. “What happened?”
“Nothing! It’s nothing,” but the words were choked and only half-uttered by the mixture of tears and her throat closing around the sound trying to force its way out of her vocal cords. “I’m fine.” It was like her body was trying to repel the words because she almost folded in half, she crouched and covered her eyes as she let the sobs take over for a second. She would be fine; she just needed a second to get some of the emotion out.
“Angel,” Harry crouched right beside her. “C’mon, kitten. S’not nothing,” he murmured.
She shook her head. No, things with Harry were fine. She wasn’t going to burden him with needless worries and all the anxiety that was coursing through her head. It was all in her head. Truly. It wasn’t something that he needed to—
Harry pulled her toward their door where milk and eggs hadn’t spread to yet. The remaining pile of groceries was mixed in the mess. She crouched by the door again, unable to stop the emotion long enough to make it past the entry way. Gently, Harry pulled her toward him and kissed the top of her head. He knelt beside her, hand cupping the back of her neck and the other gently rubbing up and down her arm. A neighbor peered into the hallway raised his eyebrows at the mess before turning to see Harry and the girl in their doorway. Harry shook his head so minutely he doubted she noticed. Fortunately, their neighbor saluted ever so slightly and retreated inside.
“I’m. Sorry,” she hiccupped.
He shook his head feeling so awful she was this distraught. This upset. He wished he had checked her location before her sister called to ask if she was ignoring her. Wish he had gone down to see where she was when he realized she was supposed to be home. “Shh,” he hushed. “S’nothing t’apologize for, kitten,” he promised quietly.
She continued sobbing and Harry wondered how on earth someone so beautiful, so kind, so utterly adoring could be so sad. It pained him to no end. Watching her breakdown like this felt like someone stabbed him right in the heart. He wanted to do whatever he had to do to make it stop. He knew she kept a lot of her emotions to herself. Years of bottling them up so as not to inconvenience others for simply existing.
“Kitten,” he whispered when her sobs subsided to sniffles. “Y’gotta talk t’me,” his voice was gentle but filled with worry. “M’sorry people let y’down. M’not one of them, though.”
“It’s hard,” her voice was so crackly and broken. Harry almost let it go because he wasn’t sure he could bear the weight of how sad she was.
“I know, baby, I know it is, but I love you so much. I want nothing but t’help you,” he hoped she heard how sincere he was. “I hate seeing y’like this. It hurts me, kitten,” he cupped her face and gazed into her eyes so hopefully she would understand how much he adored her and how much it hurt him. It wasn’t to minimize what she was feeling. It was to hopefully help her reach the conclusion that he was on her side, always. He would do whatever it took to make her smile.
“M’scared,” she whispered. “You’re just going to tell me that I’m being ridiculous—because I am, Harry. I am being ridiculous. I have you. You’re so perfect. You love me so much and you don’t care that I’m a little crazy and you don’t—”
“Kitten,” he frowned. “I would never tell y’that you’re being ridiculous. Please tell me y’don’t really believe that,” his heart felt even worse. How could she think that?
“Because,” she croaked. The seconds it took her to speak after felt like years. Harry waited so patiently, his heart pounding. “Because whenever I felt so overwhelmed,” she shook her head and looked down, despite Harry holding her face so she would have to look at him. She closed her eyes and sniffled.
“Tell me, angel.”
“I have never had someone,” she started again, squeezing her eyes tight. They felt red and swollen. She was certain she looked as terrible as she felt. “It was my own doing,” she whispered. “The reason I get so overwhelmed. When I complained even a little it was turned into something about how I did things wrong. I overwhelmed myself. It was just... in my head,” she whispered.
Harry wasn’t completely sure how he managed to stay upright. He swiped his thumbs below her red rimmed eyes. He thought she was beautiful even when she cried but it hurt him so much to see her like this. “S’not in your head, m’love,” it was hard to say the words without breaking out into cries himself. Seeing her hurt like this made him feel like the worst boyfriend in the world. “Love doesn't have t’be even, kitten. Being mad doesn't have t’be even. Being upset with something I do doesn't mean I have t’be upset with something you do. Y’can be annoyed with me, and I don't have t’bring up something m’annoyed by—which is nothing,” he assured her quickly because he could spot something he said creating a spiral easily. “But love, y’have t’tell me... talking has t’be done. I can't do this alone, kitten. I can't do this without you,” he explained as gently as he could.
“It’s not important,” she shook her head. Her voice cracked again.
Harry winced. “No, but it is, kitten. I can hear how important it is. I see it. I can feel it. Y’need t’tell me. I need you t’tell me everything y’feel. I can tell it hurts. All of it. I want t’fix it. I don’t want you t’hurt. M’not going anywhere. Ever.”
“But it’s… so bad to talk about... exes,” she whispered the last word like it was a curse—like she would be sent right to jail for it saying out loud.
Harry frowned. “Yeah, maybe if y’still in love with them. Do y’still love him?” It was rhetorical honestly. He knew she didn’t.
Her face paled immediately, her sad eyes filling with more tears. “Of course not!”
“I didn’t say it t’make y’mad, m’love,” His voice was gentle again. “I want you t’process this. I can’t have you all bottled up. I need t’know signs and feelings you’re having when y’don’t want t’share them. He messed with you so good,” he smiled without an ounce of humor behind it. It was the saddest smile she had ever seen on his face. He looked… so... disappointed. “M’usually good at figuring out what m’supposed t’do as a boyfriend. But y’stump me sometimes,” he admitted shyly. “It hurts me t’see you flustered and hurt without telling me why. I want t’be there for you. Always. In ways he never was because you—”
“He was always late,” she sobbed again. Harry pulled her to him immediately letting the tears pour out of her and he rocked her so gently. The words spilled out of her as fast as the tears did. “I swear he did it to piss me off and then he would say I was too controlling or neurotic. I was too planned out. He never got me flowers and my mom knew how much that bothered me. She knew he didn’t, even though I lied and said he did. I lied about flowers,” she felt so pathetic saying it out loud. “I lied about so many things he didn’t do because I was disappointed in myself. He didn’t see the point in romantic gestures. He didn’t think about how it kind of made me look like an idiot. I know that’s not the point of a romantic gesture, but I kept doing them for him and I—” the sobs choked her voice for a moment but Harry stayed silent. “I ignored all those red flags. All of them. Every single one of them. Why did I do that?” She cried; her voice sounded so tired. She looked so tired. Harry was quiet for a long time while more tears than he thought were possible fell across her cheeks.
“Because love is also red,” Harry whispered eventually. “Rose colored glasses are red… tulips, my sweet love,” he paused to kiss the top of her head, “are red.” It felt like hours she sobbed against him. The milk spread on the floor probably getting warm and souring the smell in the air and Harry just held her rocking ever so softly. “Thank you,” he said after way longer than anyone would have waited to speak. “For telling me that. I know that was hard. I promise I won’t be late. Ever,” he vowed. “Everything else between us? Might have t’be some compromises and more talking and we might argue. I might get mad, but it doesn’t mean it’s going t’end us, kitten. You have t’know that. M’here for the long haul... But late? On purpose? It won’t be me,” he promised easily. “Whether m’mad because I had a bad day at work or because of traffic, you’ll know the moment I know. M’not going t’miss a single time y’tell me. I will be there early.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
He shook his head and kissed her temple, letting his lips drag along her skin for longer than he needed but it felt so soothing she nearly cried again. “S’nothing t’be sorry for,” he promised. “C’mon,” he stood, his knees aching from crouching for so long. He held his hand out to her and pulled her to stand beside him. He pushed her toward the sofa.
“What about—”
“Shh,” he promised. “S’fine,” he murmured pushing her to sit. Once seated, he pulled her shoes off, wrapped a blanket around her and kissed her forehead. He placed a book in her lap that she had started earlier in the week and hurried to the kitchen to bring her a bottle of water. “Stay here,” he kissed her forehead again, this time cupping her cheek at the same time and rubbing his thumb along her skin.
“But I—”
“Shh,” he shook his head. “I got it,” he tilted his head at her. His voice was so sure. Like he was telling her the sun would come up tomorrow.
She supposed it would.
*
As low as she got, she felt so much better, much quicker than she usually did. Harry was grateful for the change and was extremely mindful of things that caused her stress. He tried to read her mind as much as possible and was successful more often, which made him feel a lot better.
Talking was so much better. She had never felt so free. Harry knew her every thought. He didn’t belittle her emotions or make her feel like an inconvenience. Right before they fell asleep, she was snuggled close, her eyes watching Harry breathe evenly. The only light coming from a streetlamp outside their window. It wasn’t too bright but illuminated the room enough for her to make out Harry’s shadow beside her. His hand skimmed up and down her arm making her drowsy. “I love you,” she sighed.
“I love you, too, angel,” he murmured.
When they were out with friends Harry was mindful of her well-being. If she wanted to leave, he could sense it before she wanted to go. In fact, he even said he wanted to leave before she mentioned it. Taking her out of the equation made her anxiety lessen profusely.
If there was a problem Harry had (and rarely did that happen because he truly believed she was an angel) he looked her dead in the eye every time and promised her that he wasn’t mad. “I am not mad,” he held her face in his hands like she was a fragile vase. He waited until she nodded, he could see the emotions scrolling through her eyes like an index searching for one to land on for a moment. Only when she nodded would he continue. “I don’t like when y’leave the remote in the couch. S’hard t’find,” he explained. “Can y’try t’leave it on the coffee table?” He asked. She nodded. “Are y’okay, kitten? M’not mad,” he said reassuringly.
She nodded again. “I know,” her voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “S’okay,” he smiled encouragingly. “Do y’have anything y’want t’share with me that’s bothering you?” She shook her head. “You’re sure? Not even the whole pizza thing?” He eyed her suspiciously. Harry put the whole box of leftover pizza in the fridge, and he could see the distaste in her eyes when he did so.
“It just takes up a lot of room,” she admitted.
“Good,” he smiled excitedly that she was telling him the truth and he kissed her forehead. “I’ll go fix it now; can y’find the remote?” He found giving her a manageable task was a good distraction when she voiced her worry. He could see her eyes fill with tears despite the fact he wasn’t upset, but he knew it was because she was more than likely overwhelmed with how easy that was. She swiped her hand across her cheek and dug between the cushions to find the controller. When he returned, she handed him the remote to put on a movie. He pulled her toward him, her body half resting against his chest. He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, so much, angel,” he promised.
“I love you,” Harry could hear how much that really meant to her in every syllable.
*
She was carrying her work bag, her lunch bag, and her clunky water bottle when her mom called. Most of the time her mom texted her. So, she assumed it was bad. She settled her things onto the counter as she answered.
“Do you know Harry texted me?” She asked.
“What?” Her heart leapt to her throat. Harry hadn’t ever texted her mother to his knowledge. She knew he periodically texted her siblings but never her mom.
“He shared a whole album with me. I had to have your sister help me open it because you know me with this contraption,” she laughed but she didn’t want to hear about her technological illiteracy. She wanted to know what the album was. “It’s just a bunch of bouquets of flowers. At least two dozen. Maybe closer to three. He said it’s every bouquet he’s ever bought you and the reason why. Birthday. Christmas. Valentine’s Day. Bad day at work. Being brave at the dentist,” she laughed again. She had a hand on her heart as she tried to quell all the emotions rapidly flowing through her in quick succession. “Sweetie,” she whispered, a smile in her voice. “He said he was going to add to it every time he got a new bouquet, but he wanted me to know that he got you flowers. Wanted me to have proof. Do you know what it’s about?”
She felt tears thicken her throat. “Yeah. Yeah I know,” she whispered. “It’s nothing you need to worry about,” she promised.
“I know you lied to me,” she said softly. It wasn’t accusing. It was exactly how a mom would react to such a statement. “You never lie about anything so it’s pretty obvious when you do. Especially about something so...little,” she felt horrible. But honestly, she didn’t feel like telling her mom that the flowers weren’t little. They were huge, in fact. It was a huge, glaring, obvious thing that she should have known was wrong. “I’m not too sure what’s going on with you and Harry lately, but I can see how much that man adores you and I know he would do anything to make you smile.”
She bit the inside of her lip to keep from crying. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I know,” she responded. “I know why you did it.”
The tears rolled down her cheeks, but she doesn’t make a sound. “Yeah,” she nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she repeated.
“Okay, well... I’m glad you have that album,” she took a deep breath. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but I’ve got a couple of chores to do, Mom.”
“I know, that’s fine. I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you, sweetie,” she could hear her mom’s encouraging smile in her voice. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Almost as soon as the call ended, she sniffled. Then just as quickly, Harry came through the door and found her wiping her eyes. “Oh, kitten,” he frowned. “S’matter?” She wanted to say ‘nothing.’ But he was holding another bouquet of flowers. Half the tulips were red, and the other half was white. So, she was unable to utter a word and began to cry again. “Angel,” he set the bouquet on the counter beside her stuff and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “M’sorry, love,” he murmured into her hair and squeezed her.
“Can we get married?” She asked through her tears.
Harry didn’t even care how ridiculous she sounded. He continued as if this was a normal conversation that he had every day with her. As if she wasn’t sobbing on a Thursday night for no reason. Or if he asked her if she wanted fish for dinner. “Of course we can, baby, but I have t’propose—”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t care. Right now. Please. I love you so much. So, so much. I can’t—” she hiccupped.
“Hey, hey,” he pulled away and looked at her. “Kitten,” he smiled gently. It was a sad smile, but a cute one. Like he didn’t want to set her off completely. “I love you, too,” he assured her. “I want t’propose the right way and make sure you’re—”
“Then give me the ring now,” she looked at him squarely in the eye. The smile melted off his face and other than her soft sniffle, there wasn’t a sound in the apartment. “Please,” she repeated.
“Kitten,” he sucked his cheek in a bit and looked at her nervously. Like this was a break in her tired mind that he wouldn’t be able to handle. “What happened? Please tell me, you’re worrying me.”
She wiped her eyes again. “You told my mom you got me flowers.”
His entire body deflated, and it was like he just knew. “Stay here,” he said simply.
She swallowed the lump in her throat, nodded, and watched as Harry walked through their apartment. She wondered if he was walking so slowly on purpose. By now, she was used to Harry’s footsteps, and she listened to the sound of them: light and quiet on their hardwood floors. From the kitchen she could hear his dresser drawers sliding open and closed. It was as if he took ten times as long to come back to the kitchen as he did to leave it.
“How did y’know?” He asked.
She shook her head. “I didn’t.”
He smirked and pulled the little box out of his pocket and set it on the counter beside the flowers, her bags and her water. “I was going to wait until Christmas, y’gonna have nothing t’open.”
“I don’t need anything,” she promised.
He chuckled. “Kitten,” he sighed. “What am I going t’do with you?”
“I don’t know. But you have a lifetime to figure it out,” she vowed.
He smiled, shook his head. “Will you—”
“Yes.”
“Can you let me do it the right way—”
“No.”
He sighed. “Kitten,” he chided with a chuckle.
“Okay, okay, sorry,” she wiped her cheeks again and shook her head.
Harry took a deep breath. “Angel, will you—”
“I can’t do it, I’m sorry. Please just kiss me,” she begged.
He laughed, shook his head, and pressed his lips to hers. He held her so firmly in his embrace, dipping her backwards in the middle of the kitchen like this was the most romantic place in the world. When he stood her upright, her cheeks were flushed, and she was silent. She no longer looked anxious as she had when he entered the apartment. He grabbed the ring box, pulled the ring out of the safety of its little cushion and slipped it onto her finger. It fit perfectly. It wouldn’t need to be resized or anything. “Will you marry me?” He managed to ask without her interrupting.
Her response was immediate, though, barely finished the word ‘me’. “Yes."
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ghostykapi · 1 year
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ruination and breakfast
im nayeon & idol!fem reader // filth <3 minors dni
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had it been another day, you would probably reject her advances for the nth time. had it been another hour, you would have averted your gaze from the woman that resides in the deepest part of your heart. had it been another minute, then you would have been sleeping soundly in your cozy bed.
it wasn't another second though that did you find yourself mewling and grasping her clothes, with primal desperate need to be claimed. her teeth finding it's way to your neck and her hands tearing apart your clothes on her bed.
pause.
how the fuck did you get here?
it's no secret that you're one of the more outspoken idols, the lack of head to mouth filter making you constantly the topic of how the industry is changing. you find your name trending at least once a week for something you said in an interview or with those stupid stalkers following your life around.
some say you're one of the horrible ones who bring the bad image of an idol, because idols were supposed to be prim, proper and quiet. you loved to be messy and outspoken just to piss them off, your words ready to send someone in another childish fit of rage in social media.
some praise you for who you be with or without a camera, people constantly reporting on what you do or say. you knew that well and grasped that concept well, so you constantly used it to help amplify not your voice but others with your influence.
that's what the public thinks, what about the industry?
oh that's another whole situation that brings your head into another headache spiral. so you refuse to think about it for more than a minute
but you can’t deny the small amount of idols you actually managed to befriend with your demeanor. maybe you need too lose the rest bitch face, but that’s what got a couple of other people clinging onto you like they’re your golden retrievers and you’re the black cat
take your friend rosé from blackpink as a good example. you swear she was probably tipsy or something when she managed to mistake you for lisa and talked your ear off that night. that was the start of your blooming friendship with the four piece group.
another example was when you were younger, in the last stretch of your training years you met yeri of red velvet. she managed to convince you to stay true to your outspoken personality and to help her shop for clothes. both worked and now she’s one of the only people who can drag you out of bed and into another outing.
you also ended up befriending itzy’s youngest, sweet sweet yuna who you help in practicing her dance routines. sure you were a bit scary when you started to help her but you never really pushed her boundaries or scolded her like the previous ones who did, so she ended up getting close to you within the next couple of months. next thing everyone knew, both of you would always go to arcades together during her free days.
so the industry didn’t all hate you, but it was still shocking to many to see only so much people that are friends, or even acquaintances with you.
that's not a shock to you. the only shock [and the source of your daily annoyance] you have had in this industry is a persistent twice member who won't back down.
even after the hundreds of rejections over the months for something more than friendship, she's always within your earshot, her laugh bouncing off the walls of wherever you two can possibly meet. her texts flooding your phone more than your own manager. her gifts always making it's way to your front door of your apartment, which you refuse to acknowledge to her, that brings a smile to your face.
you know you can’t handle it anymore so that’s why it’s true that im nayeon is a force to be reckoned with. that's why tonight you managed to crack from your stubbornness as she finally managed to slither into your heart.
it was another idol's party, which you were invited too as a plus one by yeri. she had told you last minute by barging into your apartment, ruining your homeboy plans for the day.
"would you like to explain why this is very last minute?" you complained as you fixed up your outfit, all while yeri sits by the bed "i was looking forward to staying home tonight"
"i know you" she's on her phone, snapping pictures to post on her private instagram "you would say no and make 10 other excuses why you don't want to go out, ultimately mute your phone, lock the door and sleep the weekend away before i can convince you otherwise"
"i hate that you're right" you sigh as you smoothed down your skirt, feeling a bit anxious on the party "but do i have to go?"
"yes" yeri deadpans as she stands up, structs over and fixes your crop top "it's been weeks since you've got out of your house. the last time you even did leave the house for not work was for a family errand"
you hum in acknowledgement, twirling around to double check your outfit.
"you look hot but we are running out of time. chop chop let's go" yeri tosses you your bag, drags you out of door and into the night. ready to get drunk and have a good time
you don't mind mingling in the party, but with the way almost everyone had to do a double take when they see you by the door had you wanting to go back home. why bother staying in a party when half of these people probably have assumptions about you?
"yeri!" someone shouts above the music and both of you come face to face with another idol, their energy bouncing off the walls "you made it, and you brought a friend!"
"hi" you coolly state, hand out for a handshake which they gladly take "i'm y/n, yeri's friend"
"minatozaki sana, also yeri's friend" sana’s smile is bright and the mischievous glint is present in her eyes “also im nayeon’s braincell. would you interest in avoiding her or indulging with her blabbering by the living room?”
of course you couldn’t really escape her can you?
“uhm” you hesitate for a moment, eyes looking past sana to see a pair of eyes already staring at you “i don’t think i have a choice”
sana doesn’t even get to ask why when you’re pulled inside, hands on your waist and her smirk making your knees a bit weak
“hi hot stuff, come here often?” nayeon isn’t always this greasy with her pickup lines but with the time you’ve learned about her, she would only say those to you
“only when stubborn people force me to” you reply, eyes taking in her very bold choice of outfit for the night “trying to impress someone im?”
“trying to impress you” she’s so close to your face, and you swear you can kinda smell the booze on her “is it working?”
“barely” you scoff, but she doesn’t take any offense to that, only as a challenge “you have to do better than that to impress me”
“really now?” you don’t really notice it, but she’s got you cornered in an empty hallway that no one is in “what do you propose that i should do then?”
nayeon moves her hands to your shoulders and neck how, tracing random lines and shapes to any open skin she can feel. you can feel you heartbeat racing from this action but your face doesn’t move from a neutral reaction at all
“tell me” she drops her voice to a low purr, which you haven’t heard before, that brings shivers to your back “what can a woman do to make you be impressed hmm?”
you don’t answer her, only looking up to stare into her eyes as a challenge. your hands finding its place on her waist you can feel the exposed skin getting goosebumps from your touch
“tell me baby” her lips are close to yours, only distance between it is by a few centimeters “tell me”
you couldn’t take it anymore, pulling her into a kiss that she’s glad to reciprocate. your walls finally crumbling down as she invades your scenes, while kissing you senseless
and nayeon? she’s on cloud 9 right now finally kissing you after months. yeah she can be annoyingly persistent but she can see that she’s cracking bit by bit to get to you. now she’s got you around her finger, ready to show you what’s she capable to do
“you’re mine now” she whispers into your ear, after dragging you away from the party to her place with two knowing pairs of eyes watching your figures leave “and i’m gonna show you how much i love worshipping a goddess like you”
and when she’s got you underneath her? she’s got your back arched, hands clawing the sheets, thighs shaking and your mouth moaning out profanities.
so yeah that’s how you got there, with nayeon fucking you down into the mattress with her fingers plunging deep inside of you.
“you look so gorgeous for me like this” both of you are already free from any kinds of clothes and your eyes drink on her amazing form that send your mind reeling “so pretty and so ruined”
you can’t reply to her when you can feel her fingers stretch you out from the inside, your thighs twitching from every movement she does.
“sensitive?” you can barely nod when she kisses your cheek and finally pulls out after the two mind blowing orgasms she gave you “maybe we can put your energy into good use for something else”
your eyes perk up with the idea that’s she implying, and you use your arms to lock into her thighs as she carefully sits on you, her center right in front of you
“you know what to do baby” she coos, threading her finger through your hair as you start to eat her out, your arms and hands making sure she just stays right on top of you
it’s heaven when you can hear her moans go into a higher pitch when you suck on her clit or plunge your tongue deep inside of her. you can barely care for the lack of air when you can taste her like this and have her shaking on top of you
“baby” nayeon moans out, lightly tugging on your hair as she grinds onto your face “you’re gonna make me cum”
you can’t help but go faster with that, effectively making her moan and whine even louder as you bring her to the egde. her thighs crushing you a bit as she struggles to stay upright from the feeling
you don’t stop however, your arms still effectively locking her in and bringing her head fast to another orgasm ,that brings out the most profanities you can hear her say.
“sensitive?” you ask from below as you make a show of sucking her clit that brings a jolt of pleasure across her body “good”
“sensitive and spent” she gently pushes your face away from her center and bringing you into a cuddle, feeling the afterglow soak into your skins “you better be ready for the best breakfast you’ll be able to eat tomorrow y/n”
you hum in reply, your arms wrapped around her as you let her tuck her head against your neck “i hope you won’t burn the toast”
“you wound me”
420 notes · View notes
folkloresthings · 7 months
Note
Okay okay okay, last oneeeee!!!
May I please ask for a NORTHANGER ABBEY with my sunshine boy Daniel Ricciardo and the “who did this to you?” trope?? That trope makes me feral and I just know you’d be an amazing person to write it!!
Thanks in advance, definitely thanks again for doing this amazing event, and I hope you’re doing well, darlin’! 🤍🩵🩷
this is heavily inspired by that one normal people so enjoy the pain i’m so sorry
FIX YOU. ❨ daniel ricciardo x reader ❩
✩⡱ warnings: toxic family environment, a violent scene but nothing too graphic i hope 🫶
growing up had not been kind to you. life hadn’t dealt you a fair deal — you were the odd one out. all throughout school, you worked hard and focused on the goals you had set out in your head. this meant sacrificing a social life, being cool, having friends. the weird girl in the corner.
life at home hadn’t been much better. with no father around, your mother turned selfish. she became a workaholic, cold and miserable, uncaring for the feelings of her children. your brother was four years your senior and a mean kind of person. constantly teasing, taunting, dangling a rope in front to wait for you to bite. his torment of you was his entertainment.
when you met daniel, you never knew something could be so good. he was everything you’d never had, everything right about the world. and for the first time in your life, you felt loved. daniel looked at you and only you. he loved you, and only you.
“darling,” he’d whisper to you in the middle of the night. “i’m not a religious person, but sometimes i think god made me for you.”
what had been so horrible in your early life didn’t matter anymore. daniel was goodness and light. he was a new beginning, completely disconnected from any bad memories of your life before. you’d told him a thing or two about your family, but never the full truth. never how bad they were.
maybe it was fear of scaring him off, but not once did you invite him home with you. you’d met his parents, they’d taken you in like one of their own, but he’d never once met your mother or brother. he understood, respecting your boundaries, and when you needed to go home he let you go. you always came back.
once or twice a year you returned back to your home for a few days, just to appease your mother and give her nothing bad to say about you. it just so happened that this weekends race wasn’t far from where you’d grown up, so two birds were knocked with one stone.
daniel was busy with practice, giving you enough time to have dinner with your mother and get back to your boyfriend in time for the new episode of the kardashians. your brother wasn’t supposed to be there. but he was, and drunk. stumbling over his own feet, grumbling insults when he noticed you there.
excusing yourself from his stench, you wandered into the kitchen to clear your plate. he followed behind, stalking you like some prey ready to be pounced one. he taunted and taunted but you blocked it all out. you’d learned to blur his words out, stubbing out the knives before they could pierce your skin.
“give me that,” he snatched at the plate in your hand, grabbing until it smashed against the skin, barely missing slicing your hand. you glare up at him, pushing his hands away. your feet carry you quickly towards your old room, unchanged from when you turned eighteen. your bag was there, your plan to get it and go back to daniel powering you on.
you barely realised he was following you until the door you’d just slammed flies back open, crushing you between it and the wall. your nose took most of the blow, and you feel the blood begin to gush your face in an instant. your brother’s eyes are dark when he sees what he’s done, no regret or sorrow behind them. in fact, he’s proud.
when you found your phone, you don’t know. but daniel’s contact is on the screen and it’s ringing out, him answering in only a few seconds.
“hi baby. how was dinner?” the australian chirps, and your heart squeezes with how happy he sounds. the tissue you had pressed to your nasal is damp with red now.
“somethings happened. can you come get me?” you whisper, locked in the bathroom. amongst all of the commotion, your mother hadn’t come to check on you. she didn’t care.
the keys in daniel’s hand jingle in the background, someone calling him as he hurries out of the drivers briefing. he wastes no time in obliging, hearing the urgency in your voice. he doesn’t know what’s wrong, but something is. that’s all he needs to know.
“i’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
his blood runs cold when you come to answer the door. the blood has dried now, around your lips and chin. your nose is already turning blue. he grasps at your arms as soon as he can, softly moving the tissue out of the way to get a good look at the damage.
“who did this to you?” daniel seethes. never in his life had he felt so angry, not when he’d been crashed into or fucked over by strategists. he’d never felt so scared. behind you, he sees your brother slink in from the shadows. he looks at him, then at you, and he knows. “did he do this?”
you don’t even need to nod, the look you give him says it all.
“go wait in the car,” daniel tells you, not giving you a chance to argue. “go. i’ll be there in a minute.”
he waits until you’re out of site before he pounces on your brother. hands on his chest, pinning him to the wall. danny hovers inches over the other, glare piercing through his cocky demeanour.
“if you ever, ever, touch her again, i swear to god i’ll rip you apart,” daniel’s voice is low, and he’s glad you’re not there to see that side of him. the side that would kill for you. “stay away from her.”
your brother sheepishly nods, hitting the wall with a thump when daniel shoves him back. the driver turns on his heel and leaves the house, for what he swears will be the first and last ever time. you’re waiting in the passenger seat, sniffling as you try desperately to clean yourself up.
daniel slides into the drivers seat, turning the heat on and turning towards you. he feels his heart crack to pieces at the sight of you. he’d sworn to protect you a long time ago, and he hadn’t been there. it had been a feeling of hate he’d never felt for himself before.
“no one will ever hurt you like that again,” daniel swears to you, his voice soft but stern. his hand rests delicate on your cheek, the porcelain of your skin threatening to break under his touch. you sink into his touch, a tear slipping onto his thumb.
but you believe him, amongst all of the blood and ruin. you know he’ll do all he can to keep you from harm from this day on, be it caused by him or another. because he’ll never survive seeing you like this again.
“let’s go home.” daniel kisses your blood stained cheek, starting up the car and taking you away from the worst of the night. little does he know, you’re already home. home is wherever he is.
dolly!! 🧚 i know you sent a few other requests before this and i will get to them but i wanted to write this from the minute it came into my inbox
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starlight51 · 9 days
Note
hi star!!! since you asked for requests, here’s one for ya!
could i please request furina & navia with an extremely shy s/o? i feel like they would both have cute dynamics with an s/o like that!
- abby 💕
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Navia and Furina X Shy!Reader
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︴Notes - Hey Abby!!! Thank you for the request, you actually requested for some of my favorite girls with something that I can relate(I'm shy asf LOL)to I'm so happy🥺💕
︴Content - Headcannons of how would Furina and Navia be with an extremely shy!reader
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Navia is someone you could say is the enemy of shyness. I mean, she's the president of Spina di Rosula, she can't exactly be shy.
But you? You're the most shy person she met! And remember Navia has seen Freminet before...
She's not one to force you to engage in social interactions if you're not uncomfortable to.
Though Navia might try to help you with less drastic things for you.
Something simple! Like, asking for the directions, or just ordering food.
Obviously if you get too uncomfortable with it, Navia isn't going to do it. She wants you to be more outgoing, that doesn't mean she's going to push your boundaries.
Navia doesn't mind if you can't do those things, she can just talk for you.
But of course when she isn't there you'll have to do it yourself, that's why Navia is so determined in getting you to at least be able to order your own food.
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Furina was a really extroverted outgoing person during most of her life, but now that she's less intense with it.
Obviously, she's still really extroverted and Furina loves to go and talk with other people.
Sometimes she can also get a bit nervous, but that doesn't stop her!
Which kind of leads Furina to try to talk to other people instead of you since she knows how shy you are.
Furina would never judge you about it! She has those thoughts from time to time, and even if she can get over them, she knows how hard it is to have them.
So Furina is really happy to help you whenever she can! Just tell her what you need and she'll try her best to do it as fast as possible.
If anyone says anything about your shyness with bad intention, Furina will defend you until the person leaves.
Which let's agree, it doesn't take too much time for them to leave.
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whlfchn · 1 year
Text
possessive ~ lee know
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pairing: lee know x fem!reader
word count: 4k
rating: 18+! warnings below cut!
genre: slight angst, smut, established relationship
synopsis: miscommunication and jealousy arise which leads to the truth coming out and desires to be fulfilled
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warnings: slight possessive tendencies, breast play, oral (fem!receiving), slight praising, dirty talk
!my content is not suitable for minors! 18+ only! by reading more you consent to being 18+ and to nsfw content and take all responsibility!
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You hadn't seen your boyfriend in a long time due to his work schedule .When you got the invite from him you were ecstatic, until he told you the rules. The same old rules and boundaries you both had to uphold due to his idol lifestyle.
JYP was holding the annual showcase followed by a VIP party. As always you were invited by Minho to go as his date, but you were never able to arrive together or get close at these events. You understood why you had to uphold these rules and agreed it was okay, but you'd be lying to say it didn't hurt a little. 
JYP was holding the annual showcase followed by a VIP party. As always you were invited by Minho to go as his date, but you were never able to arrive together or get close at these events. You understood why you had to uphold these rules and agreed it was okay, but you'd be lying to say it didn't hurt a little. 
As always Minho never failed to surprise you at how amazing  of a performer he is. The showcase was amazing to say the least. After the showcase was done you went to the event alone. Minho's company was aware of your relationship and knew to let you in when you arrived. You had spotted him in an instant. His usual cold and calm demeanor changed into a warm smile the instant he laid his eyes on you. 
His group and some other idols were aware of your relationship, but many other people were at this event so you couldn't risk being together for very long or extremely close. You greeted him how you usually would with a friend although your brain told you to smother him in a hug that he says he hates, but secretly can't live without. 
The night was going great since you finally got to see Minho and the boys after all this time, but as always the boys got dragged away by other idols leaving you alone quickly. Luckily you made friends with the girl groups at JYP given you're always at that building visiting Minho. You spent a lot of time with them catching up on these past months when another idol came up to you all. 
It was an idol from a boy group you listened to often. You had met him a couple times at these events, and got along well. Quickly your attention was brought somewhere else when you spotted Minho across the room smiling and laughing. 
All this time apart has made you feel lonely. He texted you when he had the time, but as time went on it was less and less. The more you looked, you quickly realized the boys and Minho were socializing with another girl group. One of them proceeded to hit Minho on the shoulder playfully while laughing along with him. Your heart sank a little. You didn't want to over react. However you couldn't help but be upset since you barely got to speak to your boyfriend or get close at these events, but here he was giving another girl attention and letting her put her hands on him. You kept telling yourself to relax and not look into it too much.
You tried to zone back into the conversation that was being held in front of you, but you kept looking at Minho with the girl looking happier than ever. Then the same girl gets really close to Minho leaning her face close to his ear telling him something. Then as if he could feel your eyes on him, he looked around and found you almost immediately. You felt as if you saw something you shouldn't have and looked away. 
You felt like you were over reacting, but you were hurt. All you wanted was to spend time with him. Yet here you were. Invited to be his date. Yet left alone to see him giggling with a girl and looking like he's enjoying himself without you. You thought to yourself that maybe he had grown tired of you while he was gone and stopped texting so much because he just wasn't feeling it anymore. You started to overthink and excused yourself causing the girls and the guy to look confused and concerned. 
You felt defeated as tears threatened to escape your eyes. When you were close to the back door of the building a hand grabbed your wrist startling you. 
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. It's just that you seemed upset and left abruptly. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," the male idol told you quietly with a soft smile on his face.  You sniffled and wiped your eyes a bit before answering feeling embarrassed to be seen looking this upset.
"I'll be okay, don't worry about it. I'm sorry you had to see me like this. Thankyou for checking on me," you slightly whispered.
"It's really no problem at all y/n. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and would get home safely. Let me take you home, it's too late for a pretty girl like you to get a cab " he told you while still holding onto your wrist lightly and chuckling a bit to lighten up the mood.
As you were about to answer you heard a loud squeak of a shoe. Then suddenly your wrist was abruptly released from the male idol's grip as he was pushed away from you a bit. Broad shoulders and thick thighs were in front of you.
Minho.
"What do you think you're doing with my girlfriend," Minho scoffed.
"Look man, she was upset and left abruptly. I just wanted to make sure she was okay and to get her home safely," the man muttered to Minho. All Minho could do was scoff at the guy and stare at him in disbelief. 
"You taking my girlfriend home?," Minho scoffed. "Not happening, now get lost," Minho muttered out to the man. As hot as this was to witness you quickly snapped out of it and remembered why you were upset in the first place. You never liked to be upset and react before knowing the full story, but with the alcohol mixed in your system and all these emotions, you were pissed at Minho. How could he be rude to the guy who was just making sure you were okay. 
"Minho!," you yelled. "Back off, he was just being nice to me," You said, getting in between the two. All Minho could do was look at you in disbelief. 
" Tch," Minho scoffed. "Do you have something for him?," Minho asked with hurt and anger behind his eyes. How dare he ask you that. You never got to say it, but you were in love with this man. How could he not see it? So how dare he think that when he was the one that should be questioned.
"Are you seriously asking me that after making me feel like shit these past weeks, leaving me by myself all night, and being close with that girl and letting her touch you!," you shouted out. There it was. You said it. You didn't want to do this in front of a stranger, but there's no taking it back. You needed to let it out.
Minho had never seen you this upset. All he could do was look at you in shock for a few seconds before grabbing your wrist and dragging you to follow him
"She's mine," Minho looks back and tells the guy before taking you with him outside.
"What the fuck Minho! You won't even deny it, so just leave me alone!," you whispered, almost crying again. Minho stopped all his movements and looked at you with a look you had never seen before. It was hard to read him. 
"I'm taking you home," was all that he said. It was said in a demanding yet soft tone. You knew there was no fighting it. You lived together anyways. It was probably best to calm down and speak at home. As angry and upset as you were, you decided to just follow his orders and let him take you to his car and get in. 
Now here you were on the way home having not spoken a word to him since you got in. The air was tense. All that could be heard was the pitter-patter of the raindrops. 
You finally arrived home. No words were said, but Minho did what he normally does. He turned off the car. Got out quickly. Went to your side and opened the door for you. You got out and started walking towards your front door feeling defeated. You could hear the car door shut and his footsteps soon followed behind you. He quickly got in front of you to unlock the door and hold it open for you like always.
As soon as you got in you took off your heels and went straight to the kitchen to get another drink. It wasn't smart to drink more, but you needed to feel the burn of alcohol to block out your emotions and make you feel something else.
As soon as you poured your drink and were about to pick it up Minho snatched it and put it on the countertop across from you. All you could do was scoff at him. He was in front of you and leaned against the other countertop. He looked like he was in thought and wanted to say something. You decided to wait for him to speak first. After what felt like a century of waiting he started to speak.
"Growing up an only child I never knew what it was like to truly love someone besides my parents... I had a goal. It was to be an idol and train hard to be the best. I met the guys and we  slowly became family. That's when I knew what it was like to have brothers. Something I never had... I think I slowly understood that I loved them. I'm not the best with my words and everyone knows that... A lot of people see me as this cold and mean person. Which is why things feel so different with you. I've met a lot of girls, but no one ever compares to you. From the beginning you slowly unwrapped those layers of me that not a lot of people see. You saw through my cold and calm exterior. You saw me for who I really was. You make me feel safe and at home. So I would never ever talk to a girl with those intentions," he started off
"That girl group was one of the first groups we met in this industry. I was a part of a dance group with her before debut. I was actually talking to her about you. We were laughing together because she said she never saw me like this before and she was happy for me. I know I haven't been the best at communication recently. I really have been busy, but I did realize something and I didn't know how to go about it so instead of figuring it out I avoided you... I started realizing that I wanted to keep seeing you, not for a little while, but for a long long time. That I could do anything for you, as you would with me... What I'm trying to say is, I love you y/n, and I'm so sorry" Minho said.
You felt tears flowing down your face like a river. You felt so guilty for being mad at him. The man you loved. 
"I'm so sorry Minho.. I love you too," you uttered out.
As soon as you said it back Minho smiled at you with his eyes all glossy and giggled that cute little laugh of his and ran at you to attack you with little kisses all over your face. Minho showed you affection, but affection to this extent was rare. You liked it. You needed it. You craved it.
Right before he reaches your lips he grabs your face with one hand and wipes the tears you had cried just minutes ago and smiles at you.
"I know I may seem distant at times and I'm not the best with my words, but I will love and protect you always," he tells you while caressing your face. 
"I love you Minho," you breathed. Suddenly the air felt light and all you could do was stare into each other's eyes. Then each other's lips. You were only inches away. Lips just barely touching and breathing each other's air. When finally Minho gave in first and crashed his lips on yours. 
The kisses were soft and savory at first, but the hunger for more was stronger than it ever was.  It quickly escalated. Minho started running his tongue over your bottom lip asking for entrance which you obliged right away. Swirling and massaging your tongues together as one. 
He slowly started running his fingers up and down your thighs. Making you feel like you could melt right in his arms. Your hands started wondering and exploring his body. Your first stop was hair. Tugging it a bit causes him to break the kiss for a sec and bite your bottom lip before devouring your mouth all over again. Then slowly your hand went around his shoulders. Outlining the broad shoulders. Slowly reaching further down. Until you reached the waistband of his tight jeans. You loved his thighs, and he knew this by the amount of times he caught you staring at them. It definitely boosted his ego and he made sure to wear tight jeans every time he saw you.
You started teasing him and running your hands near his waistband and thighs while touching his almost painful erection which made his tight jeans feel very very snug. He couldn't handle it anymore and grabbed a handful of your ass. He took one hand off and smacked it as hard as he could, causing you to moan into the kiss. This drove him crazy. He leaned down and grabbed both of your thighs carrying you and putting you on the countertop. 
As soon as he put you down, you cupped his erection causing him to moan. You started to rub and and down his length through his pants. He was starving to taste you and feel you clench around him. You drove him crazy. 
You both had amazing sex before but the lust and hunger right now was much stronger. It felt like it was your first time again, like if you let go you would never be together again. 
He started kissing down your throat and to your neck. Sucking on the delicate and tender flesh. All while his hands run up and down your inner thighs. Getting close and closer to your aching core. He teasingly brushed your core a couple times causing you to bite your lip in anticipation before taking his hands away and chuckling when you sigh from the lack of attention on where you want him to touch you the most.
He slowly started kissing further down near your breasts. Biting you every couple kisses.
"Do you like this dress?," he asked while continuing kisses on the top of your breasts above your dress and bra.
"It's not my favorite, bu-," you started saying as his hands came between your breasts and ripped open the dress in a swift movement.
"MINHO!," you screamed until he started licking and kissing your hardened peaks through your lace bra. He shut you up real quick. He focused on the right peak first by swirling his tongue nice and slowly while looking at you through his long lashes. You moaned and bit your lip at the view. All the while his other hand was rubbing and grabbing your other breast. He soon switched and gave attention to the other hardened peak. He pulled away and grabbed you by the chin looking as hungry as ever. 
"Tonight you are not allowed to cum until I say so. I need to see you in our bed. Naked... Right now!," Minho teased.
You nodded your head biting your lip. He let go of your chin and finished ripping off your dress and getting it off you. Leaving you in your black lace lingerie causing him to bite and lick his lips. He then picked you up by the thighs causing you to straddle his waist. He began kissing you hungrily while taking you both to the bedroom. 
As soon as you reached the room he set you down on the bed. He then got on top and started drowning you in kisses while gripping your thigh to be around his waist while he started to kiss further down and down your body. First he reached your breasts again but this time cupping your aching chore caused you to moan and slightly arch your back which gave him the space to go under your back and take off your bra with ease. Giving him better access to what he wants in his mouth. 
He took your hardened peak and started swirling and sucking on them causing you to moan and grab some of his hair. He loved when you grabbed his hair. He quickly kissed further down and reached your waistband causing you to slightly shiver and the feels of his fingers on your lower belly. 
He quickly kissed and licked you through your already wet panties teasing you. He held your thighs open for him to get a better view. 
He was starving. He quickly hooked his fingers around your panties and slipped them off. Leaving you completely naked. He was still completely dressed. You then felt his tongue coat your core. Your back arched at the contact. He slowly started to lick and tease your folds. When finally he brought his hand and teased your entrance while focusing his tongue on your nub. Once he finally put two fingers in you were a moaning mess. This only caused him to go faster. He then added a third finger while hooking his fingers and filling you up.  He looked up at you through his pretty long lashes and saw what he was doing to you. How you started to grind against him. Grabbing some of his hair and shutting your eyes and biting your lips to suppress moans.  He started going faster and faster. Seeing you in this state was intoxicating to him. Knowing he did this to you. How you were all his. He started to grind his erection against the bed while devouring you. 
"Fuck Min, I'm close.... please?," you asked while feeling the fire pooling in your lower belly. He continued filling you with his fingers but stopped licking your nub for a second.
"Come for me. You've done so well," Minho tells you while going right back to licking your nub. Soon enough you start coming undone and clench while your orgasm ripples through you. Minho loves the way you clench on his fingers and how your thighs squeeze his face.
He takes his fingers out causing you to moan from the loss of contact and he takes his fingers and sucks on them while making sure you watch. You can see his pants straining so you sit up while he's on his knees looking down at you. You start to slowly undo his pants and pull them down. Minho chuckled at you. 
"Wait right there," He says while getting off the bed to stand up. He then motions you over with his fingers. Hot.
"I want you to take my clothes off for me," he said while licking his lips and looking at you with heavy lidded eyes. You slowly get off the bed and reach for his shirt first. Taking it off. Then running your hands on his bare shoulders then down his abs passing his scar. You slowly start pulling his jeans and boxers down when his throbbing length pops up slapping his belly. You were biting your lips with so much anticipation. You couldn't wait to feel him inside of you. 
Once his pants and boxers were completely off you got on your knees and were about to get started on your meal when he stopped you by grabbing your chin and rubbing your lip.
"As amazing as that would be, I cant wait any longer. I really need to feel you around me," Minho rasped. 
He then guided you up with his hand on your chin and began kissing you again. Sucking your bottom lip and quickly picking you up by the thighs and putting you back on the bed. He started grinding himself on top of you driving you crazy wanting to feel him inside of you. The intense kiss stops while you're left looking at each other lazily. 
"Seeing that guy with you earlier drove me crazy. I want you all to myself," he started saying lips inches away from each other. 
"It's only you Min," you said back, getting closer to his lips finally kissing again. 
"Are you ready," Minho whispers softly. 
"Always," you whispered. 
He then guides himself into you. Causing you both to moan. You clenched down on him immediately causing him to pause for a few before continuing. He swore he could cum there and then. He slowly started moving in and out of you. He entrapped you in a kiss while he slowly started picking up the pace. Kissing during sex was his way of expressing what he felt since he couldn't with words. Hearing your moans caused him to go faster and faster. You were driving him crazy and he felt himself getting closer, but he was a true gentleman and wanted you to come again before he did. He stopped his movements and took himself out of you.
"Get on all fours," he demanded. Hearing him speak like that was such a turn on. You immediately obliged and turned around on all fours arching your back for him. Before grabbing your hips he smacked your ass hard making you moan. Your thighs and ass were his favorite thing to stare at. Any chance he got he would grab it and smack it. He grabbed his length and guided it to enter you slowly while smacking your ass again hard. He loved making it nice and red.
He started picking up the pace fast going deep, rough, and hard. Pounding into you while his grip on your hips slowly bruises your tender skin. You were a moaning mess. Minho started breathing heavier and you knew he was close too. The erotic sound of your ass pounding against his thighs was making him dizzy. It felt so good. He felt himself getting closer so one hand grabbed you by your throat to bring your back against his chest while his other hand gripped your waist while still pounding into you. He moved his hand that was holding you by the waist to start rubbing your nub. You could feel your walls getting tighter and tighter causing Minho to audibly moan at the feeling. You felt a knot in your belly and your eyes rolled back at the bliss you felt. You clenched on Minho causing him to get sloppy in his thrusts and become undone right after you. Emptying himself into you.
He let go of the grip he had on your throat and got himself out of you. Grabbing you to catch your breath with him and lay down for a bit while cuddling. You both were breathing hard coming down from your releases. Finally looking at each other and smiling before giggling at how exhausted and how much of a mess you looked. He grabbed you by the chin caressing your face.
"I love you y/n," Minho whispered. 
"I love you Min," you said before sharing the most tender and loving kiss.
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disclaimer: my writing is intended for entertainment and does not represent any real person! the names are used for purely fictional purposes!
~ masterlist ~
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