#social stuff

[dyspunktional-revan]

"Common sense" is not actually a thing.

If something is common sense to you, it is actually simply just because at some point in your life, perhaps a very long time ago, it was made explicit enough for you, and you were able to internalize it long term.

Even mainstreamly, things that are common sense to some are not to others. Then we have differing backgrounds, and then we have disability, about which this post was originally first of all intended.

"Common sense" is literally very close to "basic DNI". Or, "this food contains allergens. You know, the basic ones."

#psa #social stuff #disability #mental disability #neurodivergency #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurodiverse #autism #autistic #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #intellectual disability #again i have autism and don't have id i just know that this is likely relevant to id and it is also likely relevant to other disabilities > #that I'm not recalling #leviathan.txt #yay I finally made this post #food mention #disabilityposting

[hometoursandotherstuff]

#gov't. logic #social stuff #other stuff

[imkrisyoung]

Someone in a group that I’m in: You’re quiet.

Me: Yeah, I was more expressive when I was younger, but then people told me I was too loud or talked too much.

#of course i never said that part #but it’s what i wanna say #social stuff #groups #autistic problems #autistic #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autism #asd #asd problems #nd #neurodivergence #neurodivergent

[astercontrol]

It's been most of a year since I began my journey into TRON fandom.

In many ways it's been wonderful.

But one thing that's jarring, and painful, is how many of the people who were active at the beginning are now… gone. Either mostly or completely.

It's happened in various ways. Some have just gone quiet, or mostly quiet, on every forum where I saw them. Others have actively removed their online presence, either by deleting social media, or by blocking and unfollowing down to a smaller number of people they now interact with.

Some have made it clear why. Some have just ghosted, without explanation.

But from the variety of circumstances where I've seen it happen… it seems like there really isn't one single cause.

Many different, unrelated ones have come up, with different individuals who have vanished. IRL problems, busy jobs, mental health issues, shifts in personal interests, fandom conflict, social overwhelm, a desire to separate themselves from places and people whom they associate with experiences they no longer want any reminders of.

But regardless of causes, it's a loss that's felt very sharply in such a small fandom, especially for someone like me whose interest focuses on a particularly small part of the fandom.

And since this is the first time in many, many years that I've been active in the social part of any fandom… I really have no reference point for how normal it is.

It feels very unlike my long-ago experience with Star Trek fans… but is that difference because TRON is a smaller fandom than Trek, or because of some difference in fandom culture, or because the whole world has changed in the long gap in time between my experience with the two?

It's a very lonely feeling, in any case.

I miss lots of the fans I started this experience with. I accept their individual circumstances, even when I don't totally understand.

But I also really, really appreciate all of you who are still around. And I am so very happy whenever I've made contact with someone new.

You all matter.

#tron #tronblr #tron 1982 #fandom #UserWorldProblems #emotional stuff #social stuff

[sadistic-softie]

Ok...so...because of all the people that were (or are??) fucking idolizing *him* (why???), and all the (admittedly hilarious) memes, I legitimately feel too embarrassed to admit to someone's face that I like the fucking movie. Like...l would rather tell them one of my embarrassing secrets from middle school or some shit-

#american psycho #social stuff #idolization #public opinion #im being so serious #i can't admit it out loud #legitimately #embarrassing #lol #memes #patrick bateman #please #he is not a good role model #this should be so obvious #he is literally a fucking murderer #??? #idk lmao

[brettdoesdiscourse]

#polls #neurodivergent #neurotypical #adhd #add #autism #autistic #allistic #social #social stuff

[caffeinerabbit]

The BlueSky gates have opened, come say hi!

#bluesky #social stuff

[lifeattomsdiner]

Honestly the question "how does your system handle bad actors" is a question that many theoretical *and* extant social systems fail to answer beyond vague platitude and like... sorry, but if you don't have a solid answer to that question then you don't have a functioning system

#social stuff

[clever-and-unique-name]

The social disconnect between dissociated parts is one of the things I find impossible to explain to other people in any kind of real way. I make do by saying that I really, really prioritize my alone time when I can get it, I explain that I'm just very introverted and need to recharge a lot.

That's so not even scratching the surface.

See, at work I am very social. I have to be, it's part of my job--being social with strangers and being social with my coworkers. I even consider a few coworkers to be genuine friends! I genuinely enjoy spending time with them at work, catching up with them at work, being occasionally physically familiar at work.

But take us out of the work setting, remove my work parts from the equation, and I don't know these people. They are essentially strangers to me; I don't understand the rules of conduct with them, I don't know facts about them or their lives, I don't know what things they know or don't know about me. All the unknowns swirl around in my head until I am terrified, and I worry about screwing things up irreparably. "I don't know these people and they have expectations of me to be a certain way that I don't know how to be."

Every time my work friends plan to go out together they invite me, and I turn them down as graciously as I can--"Thank you so much for thinking of me, but..."--but I can't help feeling like a huge disappointment for being so socially incapable outside of work. I feel like I am constantly letting people down by how little I can engage with them. But I don't know how to build a sense of safety with people in a way that makes being social feel "challenge-zone" instead of "panic-zone."

#personal #work stuff #social stuff

[reyofsunlight666]

i went to a goth club night and here are my conclusions on social life as a whole

Imagine you’re organising an event or a group of people. You want it to have a particular atmosphere, and provide a particular kind of value for people. Maybe you want somewhere where people can reliably discuss a hobby with others who have the same amount of knowledge and enthusiasm. Maybe you want people to walk away from your event feeling that it was raucous and exciting, and that they’re energised from talking to similar, extroverted, upbeat people. Maybe you want to create an event where people interested in sex or romance, or a particular kind of sex or romance, can reliably find other people to their tastes who are interested in the same thing.

If you’re me, or you think like me, you ensure the event will be this way by explicitly stating it. ‘Forming a book club for fans of dark adult fantasy in the style of Mervyn Peake, anyone want to join?’ ‘I’m having a great party next week, you should absolutely come!’ And if you think like me, you’re not discriminating about who you say it to. After all, you’ve learned through experience that it can often be hard to find people who you like, who want the things you want. You’re going to cast your net wide to ensure you find as many people as possible.

And then you walk away from your party bored, or your game night frustrated, and wonder how that happened.

I’ve recently learned that socially competent people often do the exact opposite of what I do. That is, they cloak what they really want out of a social event in social signifiers and obstacles to the people they don’t want coming in, and pretend the event is about something else entirely. I don’t say ‘neurotypical people’ there because it happens as much in neurodivergent-heavy groups as it does neurotypical ones.

The kinky sex events may be advertised on FetLife, but all the actual finding of sexual partners happens at the goth club night that’s run by completely different people. The group says it’s about playing Warhammer or YuGiOh. Entirely coincidentally, the games’ vast systems of intricate, consistent rules means only people who enjoy socialising with that level of structure stick around. The house party is about having fun and seeing what happens. The loose, chaotic atmosphere and loud, upbeat music (and its associations with a particular set of fashions) mean only people who are extroverted, physically attractive, optimistic and spontaneous enough to meet the host’s standards will show up.

This system is flawed in lots of ways. It means events can be inaccessible. It necessarily means excluding people. It also means people slip through the net, who don’t enjoy the social signifiers but might be perfect for the real purpose of the group. A lot of people who struggle with socialising see these flaws and conclude that people need to stop doing this kind of gating completely.

But this gating works. Not for everyone, but for the people who make it into the group, it meets their needs. It means they get what they want, they come back, and they may even contribute to making the group last. Others have written about how many of the problems with contemporary social media come from its utter, blanketing inclusivity. When any schmuck who’s consistent enough can transform a group from productive to nightmarish, the group will break down.

As we all live more online than in real life, people will lose the social skills that let them discern this kind of thing. As Western society becomes more and more liberal (culturally) there will be less and less cultural signifiers with stable meanings. People will have to be far more upfront about what they want their group to be, with the result that groups with more emotional weight and less politically correct truths behind them will fade away. (See: less young people having sex, LGBT groups going from gatherings of confident, self-assured radicals to indecisive, petty, immature nerds).

I’m autistic. A world like that would suit my neurotype better. But the thing is, I’ve been in social groups that suited my neurotype, and what they resulted in was survival at the expense of truly living. I was never excluded, but I could never really let loose, have a great time or form meaningful bonds.

Even if I have to learn social stuff from scratch like this, I’d rather live in a world with incredibly fun, gated club nights than nothing but benign, milquetoast togetherness.

#autism #autistic #actuallyautistic #we live in a society #social skills #internet culture #anthropology #sociology #critical thinking #essays #social life #social stuff #groups #my writing #writing #meta #the A word

[dyspunktional-revan]

Desensitization is not bad. It does not mean that you stop caring ideologically.

To state that desensitization is not bad is not to state that what causes it is not bad (though also, depending on one’s neurology, the emotional caring might not exist in the first place).

Suffering and stress do not help anyone.

It very much is possible to do important things, things that save others or help them otherwise, without additionally suffering about it. Also suffering can very much make you less productive, not more.

#leviathan.txt #suffering is not a virtue #social stuff #needs more tags #feelings =/= ideology #< new tag in place of that gigantic old one. gotta replace that old one on all the old post #plus the ones i’ve had before it

[giri-giri-waifu]

This is a long post:

The way people treat homeless people literally makes me sick. A guy came in to my work today and asked for some food. Unfortunately, I cant give away free meals. But! I did give him a drink, and some of the sides that we always have leftover at the end of the night anyways, and some cookies, and utensils to eat it with. He sat in our waiting area, eating and then fell asleep. He was taking up one chair- not bothering anyone. We were slow anyways. I let him stay there for a few hours. I gave him a meal that the kitchen had messed up and did ask him to leave when it was close to our closing time, and he thanked me for the food. He took his stuff with him and left the area he occupied clean. He had gotten a few looks from other patrons coming in, mostly of pity. But my coworkers spent the whole night turning their nose up at him, telling me I shouldn't let him sit there. It looks bad for business. I am 'being too nice' and should use my authority as a manager to kick him out. Just being absolutely vile, in my opinion, to look at homeless people like they're unworthy of taking up space. And thats what it is- the disdain and disgust because these people don't have privelage of clean water, clean clothes, shelter, food, basic things that we take for granted. How dare you. How dare you treat people like that and view them as 'less than', what because they have less??? Make it make sense. I have always believed in the treat others how you want to be treated mindset. I used to 'take up space' longer than necessary, loiter, whatever you want to call it, when I had to commute on the bus for 2 hours to and from my first job at stupid hours of the day, that put me in another city long before my job started. So I had to essentially find places- spaces- to occupy, and yes. Sometimes I purchased items from like Starbucks or wherever I ended up, but other times I would just ask for water and sit at an empty table for hours til I needed to go into my work. Nobody bothered me. You know why? Because I was showered. I was in my work uniform. I looked like a passing member of society. Because I had money to blow on a frappucino. Or whatever fucking reason yall wanna give to see a difference between 'someone like me' taking up space and a homeless person taking up space. Stop vilifying homeless people for taking up space! Unless someone is an active danger to you and the people around you, and you have a valid reason for them to leave the premises, stop. And trust me when I say I have had more negative interactions, felt less safe with actual paying customers than homeless people in my place of work... Think about how you would want to be treated if you were in their position! Its not that hard to allow people to 'take up space' just simply because they exist! If you are offended by someone who has less than you just existing in the same space as you, you should really work on yourself. People are people.

#homelessness #homeless #homeless people #social stuff #classism #life tip: dont be a dick #treat others how you want to be treated #waifu thoughts #long post

[ocdhuacheng]

Could you imagine how amazing it would be if we were allowed to use even a fraction of the police and military budget for infrastructure environmental and social welfare purposes

#sorry I’m gonna explode if I think about it too much I need to go watch some cat videos or smth #I’m just so angry all the time with no where to release it #.txt #social stuff #environmental issues #and driving through all these wealthy neighborhoods with no tree and no solar panels have made it worse #you people absolutely have the money to switch to Solar your roofs are literally full sunlight #fuck you #and even if ppl didn’t have the money AND EVEN IF THEY DO that should be something that is covered by the hover #*government #or companies #if you are building somewhere without any trees it should be MANDATORY to put solar panels on the roofs

[stripedsunhat]

I'm watching Doctor X from 1933. The head of our super scientist institute is showing the police around (the police think one of the scientists might be the cannibalistic serial killer they’re hunting but that's not the point of this post) and we've just been introduced to two new professors. One of the two scientists is in a wheelchair and our head professor greeted him with "Good evening Professor Duke, how are you feeling tonight?"

"Horrible."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well, if it makes you feel sorry to hear things like that then don't ask questions."

We're still pussyfooting around ableism and oh I'm so sorry that's so sad for you today and this movie from 1933 just has this guy just saying with his full chest 'don't like it that's your fuckin problem.'

#the other scientist has a high tech eye patch #well it's 1933 and set in contemporary time #so a monocle with sunglass glass #and maybe blood splatter on his lab coat? #look the scientist before that was looking at dirty pictures he'd hid in a book #and the one before that had a heart in a jar that he'd been keeping alive with electrolysis for the last 4 years #we're only 20 minutes in too #text #halloween #social stuff #sunhat flings things into the void to feed it

[brettdoesdiscourse]

While it is important to realize just because something can be a symptom of a mental health condition, it doesn't mean it ALWAYS is, the anger some people have while making that point is NOT helpful. Nor is telling everyone they DON'T have that condition. (Example: "you don't have autism, you just X.")

Instead, you should be encouraging people to explore other symptoms of that condition and other conditions with similar symptoms.

Getting angry at and shutting down people just trying to understand themselves better is never the right response. Even if you are TRYING to be helpful.

#mental heath #mental conditions #mental disorders #mental illness #social #social stuff #social discourse #discourse #brett does discourse

[brasskingfisher]

Potentially controversial take here but the statements:

We need to improve the quality and accessibility of resources available to victims of sexual/domestic violence."

And

2. "We need to ensure people are protected from false/malicious accusations of sexual/domestic violence."

Can and should coexist alongside each other.

#if you disagree then congratulations #you're part of the problem #gender stuff #fuck terfs #screw terfs #fuck radfems #equality #screw radfems #fuck exclusionists #social stuff #queer shit