#some eating disorder things

[mumblesplash]

the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger

#uhh #disordered eating cw #just in case #mumbling #like jfc i know i’m not the first to say it and my experience is relatively SO tame #but it STILL fucked with my head for YEARS #and most people don’t go nearly that long between weight loss attempts at all for basically their whole lives!!!!! #and we’re so blasé about it like yeah just eat less to lose weight #and so few people talk about the really weird shit that phase of my life taught me even though they seem like pretty universal things #like when you lose weight deliberately by denying yourself food you get COLD #you get cold and you get in your head and you get sad it’s like being less alive #the times i’ve lost weight/recomped on accident (by doing smth that makes me move more‚ getting better sleep etc) #it’s been WARM #burn hotter move freer feel happier #and also the way hunger feels when you’ve been denying yourself food for an extended time is NOT the same as baseline hunger #it’s actually kind of wild that we use the same word to describe both feelings like that shit is NOT the same #that shit is not ‘being really hungry’ it’s a fuckin. blood curse or some shit you feel straight up unhinged #and i should disclaim here i am not talking large amounts of weight #i’ve fluctuated over i think a 20lb range max since reaching close to my adult height and that’s a guesstimate #but even in my relatively unremarkable little experiences here the way deliberate weight loss fucked with my brain is absurd to me #i’m fine now have been for years but seriously thinking back on it the fact that this is routine medical advice. unreal

[ajaxpilled]

-

#non kink people are so weird to me bc #long story short i have finally gained some weight through many tropes i did not even realise were happening #which is a good thing bc everyone close to me is worried abt my weight bc im naturally underweight #and somebody mentioned it to me recently like oh wow so glad to see you’re getting better #and my bf who is completely blissfully utterly unaware of this kink and just rly likes cooking #put a HAND #on my STOMACH #and was like yeah you eat very well for me don’t you :) and kissed my forehead and Kept His Hand there for a while like ??? #ppl are way too open about weight fluctuations and how full or hungry they are for my liking like.. #how do u do all this and feel so normal and open about it #okay sorry #rambles #things such as this have happened before but this one had me so awkward #smile thru it they won’t find out they won’t find out they won’t find out !!!!! #ive only dated or been friends with people who have disordered eating or care for beauty standards before so it’s all New To Me #tw disordered eating #?

[silenthillbunni]

🐇💭

#i've decided that after i've recovered from surgery i want a glow up!!! #i want to make an effort to try to feel better nd not be so miserable all the time. it's so draining nd soul sucking :< #nd some things i wanna do is start better habits such as journaling nd reading a chapter every morning #meditate/do mindfulness every evening. do a full body stretch routine once a day. go to the gym 3-5 times a week. #ofc daily walks in nature (i've missed that sm). spending time w my cat nd dog. getting better at studying a little bit every day #i might even bleach my hair nd dye it... i just wanna dye it one last time then im done T-T #smth im unsure of is my diet. i have no idea what i can eat nd atm im so hungry but im scared of eating. so i'll have to figure that out #nd then try to meet up w my old high school friend every now nd again #try to keep asking for help from the personality disorder psychiatric clinic... or try to get online therapy maybe??? #i just wanna feel better nd *do* smth so these r some of the thinngs i wanna try to do to feel better :3 #hopefully i'll feel better soon nd recover as swiftly as possible so i can start wanting to do these things #oh and also!! wanna try to revive my interests. such as writing more nd taking photos nd such

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

.

#the miss Americana post got me thinking #that I wonder if the reason it isn’t liked in some circles is because she’s so vulnerable #and it shows her own insecurities and struggles on full display even if it’s kind of between the lines #and they don’t want to admit that some of her struggles are innate and not just attributable to outside forces/people #like taylor does have anxiety and depression and disordered eating and who knows what other kinds of struggles #that will always exist in addition to whatever else happens in her life and who she’s with #sure outside sources may make things worse (hello TTPD ahem) #but the trauma and mental health struggles were kind of brave of her to talk about even if she skirted around them #and maybe people just don’t know what to do with that? #(also I just know— never mind.) #eta: ​I know the activism angle is problematic to some and I think maybe framing it that way in the general public was a misstep #because the movie is more about her finding her voice/herself in general #but the political stuff took centre stage in the press and on social media and obviously people are disappointed #that she didn’t use her platform more publicly or thoughtfully (eg civil rights reproductive rights environmental issues political issues) #but for people to hate it because of that… like yes maybe it’s disappointing on that one point #but as a doc it’s thoughtful and profiles its subject in a general sense well

[wizardnuke]

i understand this is like. objectively a wild thing to bitch about when yr average woman wants to lose weight but it is really so fucking bizarre and disheartening to be asked "how are you so skinny how do you do it" by women who are really honestly beautiful and healthy and i am genuinely so jealous of their bodies' ability to maintain some semblance of body fat. i have to say "i wish i weighed more" and they look at me like i'm crazy and then i have to say "every time i manage to gain 5-10lbs i inexplicably get really sick and lose all the weight i gained and it's a vicious cycle of never really feeling healthy" and that's not the answer they want to hear and they still don't understand why i want to gain weight and like. hhhh. makes me sad. i love you you're so pretty and i am chronically ill

#eating disorder tw #just in casies #i was briefly at about 105 at some point in hs when i was really athletic and it was predominately muscle #i'm at around 87 rn? this is not a good thing? do u understand that ur body needs food and fat to survive? #do u know hooow exhausted i am on the daily because my body doesn't have any extra energy to burn #i'm just sick and this is how it presents dude. and ABSOLUTELY not to speak over how horrifically that fat people r treated by doctors but #for three years i told my doc i wasn't able to gain weight and am never hungry and she never stopped thinking im anorexic #took an ER visit a new doctor several more visits to find a med that helps with The Tummyaches and i'm still struggling #i was 97lbs and then i got just horrifically sick out of nowhere and im at 87 now. i dropped to 83 for a bit

[bijoumikhawal]

a lot of the talk about Bushnell is reminding me of my "the "mentally ill" have their right to violence revoked" thing again

like. When you're deemed mentally ill, suddenly you must stress how you are more likely to be a victim of violence than a perpetrator to be deemed as human. Because any violence you commit, as a crazy person, is bad. It cannot carry rationale, because you are crazy. If I, as an autistic person, hit someone who was hurting me and got in legal trouble, I can be referred to as just "crazy" instead of as a victim responding to an aggressor. It's an underdiscussed area of dehumanization.

And that's before we talk about intersectionality, and before we talk about how this factors into the idea of ODD, and the "violent" responses patients have to doctors (including those who simply aren't white, and those forced on meds that hurt them, and those resisting sexual assault, and-).

But this is not just interpersonally political, it is political at scale. Black men were targeted by schizophrenia diagnoses during the Civil Rights era (and this is also around when schizophrenia became a "scary" illness). The crazy cannot have valid political criticisms, as a movement (remember that being "crazy" is a vector of oppression abd marginalization) or as individuals in other movements.

Ive seen both the sentiment of "oh Aaron is gonna be slandered as crazy" and exactly what the sentiment warns of- "we can't valorize suicide from the mentally ill". And the first isn't wrong, because society at large does view the "crazy" as lacking political agency, but it's lacking.

Bushnell had been trying very hard to get out of his military contract without being imprisoned at best, while witnessing genocide and knowing he was complicit. He may not have had clinical depression normally, but that would inspire a mental rational response of situational depression (and yes, mental health issues can be a rational response to horrible circumstances). Further, I know of instances of self immolation that WERE done by people who did have long standing mental health issues and were done to protest the treatment they'd experienced that caused them and that resulted from their existence. Mental illness and divergence from the norm is more complicated than just "these people are incapable of rationality, they are incapable of political thought, and they are incapable of agency".

#cipher talk #Aaron Bushnell #Ask to tag #Self immolation #Suicide tw #I'm thinking about how like. Chloe Sagal did what she did to protest how she was treated as a mentally ill trans woman and highlighted #Her mental illness and struggle with homelessness primarily. And it WAS a political protest #The only really. Sensible thing I've seen on this about how it was a suicide was 1) someone pointing out some people may relapse in #Response to this WITHOUT delegitimizing his actions and sharing helpline sources #And 2) another person pointing out it'd be absurd to accuse hunger strikers of promoting eating disorders #Like. You know what I think soldiers who are complicit in genocide probably DO develop mental health problems #And I see the idea that they do used in some pretty batshit ways recently! #But so- so fucking what #Resistance fighters and genocide victims have mental health issues too #Why is it for soldiers ignored or used to dehumanize victims until of the soldiers turns is gun away from them? #What's next am I gonna watch people delegitimize the actions of Palestinian resistance and the Bielskis and fucking #Unistʼotʼen as the actions of people who 'just have mental health issues' and therefore can't be political? #We also have the similar protests of Black people (two in the last 6 months) being swept aside

[daisywords]

as someone who was raised with a comparatively healthy mindset around food, I keep being baffled/concerned by other people’s eating practices that they’ll just drop like it’s no big deal. “I’m doing this intermittent fasting thing where I only eat one meal a day” girl if your one meal is the salad you eat every day for lunch I’m. that’s eating disorder behavior. and they talk about this stuff like it’s normal! “I’m trying out this new meal plan where—“ oh a starvation diet? You’re starving yourself?

#anyway spending time with a couple of my coworkers especially is making me dig in my heels #I’m eating three square meals a day! And I’m not budging on that! And I’m not going to be embarrassed about it! #Bc the worst thing is like. would I like to lose 20 pounds? Admittedly yeah #But idk I don’t think that’s the right way to do it! #Not that I am a paragon of physical fitness or anything but like! That’s literally unhealthy you are wrecking your metabolism probably #I would rather be a little squishy then live in this weird alternate universe where people are supposed to be on a diet by default!!! #and idk when girl that are already small are putting themselves through this and getting noticeably smaller it’s like #ok good for you I guess but is it worth it? #mostly writing this to reassure myself because it’s hard not to feel like I’m the one that’s wrong #idk if you feel like you need to lose weight logically you must think I’m some sort of beast or something #like I thought I was normal but maybe not haha #But anyway I hate how we just slapped new jargon on eating disorder behavior so we can talk #About it like its a health trend and something normal to do

[incorrect-spideytorch]

Johnny developed an eating disorder because of how the media and public expected him to be perfect all the time and would ridicule him if he wasn’t Peter was the one who convinced Johnny to go to a recovery facility and was with him every step of the process

#tw disordered eating #spideytorch #peter parker #johnny storm #peter x johnny #peter parker x johnny storm #headcanon #just need to project some things #don’t mind me

[angry-arfid]

tfw youre hungry but you know you'll have food sometime soon so you can't eat anything until then or else you wont be able to eat the food

#kitkat chat post #arfid #avoidant restrictive food intake disorder #arfid struggles #actually arfid #arfid problems #arfid tag #im hungry but my family is bringing back some fast food #so ill just wait for that food to arrive instead of eat something else #bc if i eat some thing else i wont have the appetite for what they bring

[milkweedman]

forcing myself to "eat protein" and "be responsible" after once again encountering a week long period of all my muscles hurt so bad and are so weak despite doing the same thing they always do assuming without checking that it was probably because im eating mostly coffee and plain untoasted bread in small quantities. and its not even a whey bread or 100% whole wheat, ive been trying to use up my bread flour/whole wheat blend (i dumped them in the bucket together, maybe on accident ? unclear) so its just that with whatever else i threw in. spent $6 on the only yogurt in the store that had at least 5 grams of protein per 1/4 cup, which is still very little, only to get home and finally google what the symptoms of protein deficiency are. they are not that. those are the symptoms of Who Fucking Knows, As Always

#i dont even like yogurt... #god the food situation is so bad #so it turns out i can do one of the following--but badly and it takes more than 100% of my energy and is miserable and untenable long term #and involves injuring myself to do it: school. work. taking care of stuff around the house. taking care of myself. #i can do ONE. #i also dont get to pick because obviously i have to work #so feeding myself (even like making a bowl of cereal or eating a granola bar) is so impossibly difficult that i can only really do it #at night when high and finally able to feel hunger #and even then its still incredibly difficult and i usually get as far as cutting a slice of bread and then giving up and eating it plain #most of the actual meals i eat are because my roommates are usually kind enough to make enough dinner for 3 #but i also have very weird and frequently changing dietary needs that i have not communicated 2 anyone so i cant necessarily actually eat i #have cooked some and made sandwiches a few times but its very clear i am borrowing from tomorrows spoons.... #i ran out of the ensure a bit ago and i will get more although none of the stores nearby sell it #but i absolutely cannot afford to live off it #have luckily found that if i just drink one in the morning it staves off the majority of the nonstop random nausea attacks #so a 12 pack would last a lot longer but then its like. so now i need to figure out the eating thing again #cant win etc etc #augh. anyway. complaining over #disordered eating #chronic illness

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

The phrase 'to carry a child' is to me such an unbearably tender description. You're carrying it? Nurturing and protecting it? Freely giving it what it needs until it is ready for birth? 'Going to have a baby' speaks of the hope of promise, but 'carrying a baby' gives the same implication to me, only with an added beauty of what is happening immediately as well as the future.

#midwifery #i just i have so many feelings about pregnancy and babies and women and motherhood #and i want it #i unironically think 'this would fix me' about certain things #like one of the things we get taught about is how to approach and what to avoid when dealing (specifically antenatally tho we'll go into it #more when we learn specifically about postnatal care which is next semester) with women with a history of eating disorders #specifically anorexia but also any other one. obvs yo ube more careful around weight and potentially watch her more closely because #pregnancy can trigger relapses for obvious reasons #but also there are plenty of cases where pregnancy helps #in some cases it is literally what helps them to recover from an active eating disorder #i don't know the intersection between pregnancy and eating disorders is so interesting to me #honestly if i were to go into research in any way that would probably be my preferred field of research #there are many things that make me go absolutely feral and midwifery is a field that does that to me so much

[yotsuyafan1]

Uhhhh,,, so yeahhhh I just finished having a mental breakdown, I'm alright now though dwdw, but my splits are getting even worse which makes me wanna sulk in a corner. *sighs* today is another day where BPD absolutely loves to beat the absolute living shit out of me.

#theownerambles.✧ #me when bpd is bpding #actually bpd #bpd #bpd fp #bpd favorite person #bpd feels #bpd splitting #bpd mood #bpd problems #bpd things #fp bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd stuff #bpd safe #bpd vent #actually borderline #borderline problems #borderline personality disorder #living with borderline #borderline pd #bpd shit #vent post #tw vent #maybe playing nso can make me feel a little better :]] #and eating something #both kangel and ame are one of my comfort characters #i just want to hug them both <D #or maybe some attention from my fps:] #but all of them are not online so

[sunnibits]

.

#posting some good personal news bc my life has been so shit lately and it’s taken every ounce of restraint to not vent- #I just went to the doc today and I gained five pounds!!!! #I’ve been struggling rlly bad with an eating disorder lately (mainly the side effects of it tbh rather than the actual thing itself) #but I finally gained :’) #it’s nice to feel even the tiniest bit of progress for once #gem don’t look #tw ed

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

went to go clothes shopping today and i got the cuntiest misa-esque dress for like $8 at the thrift store <3

#it’s covered in hearts and it’s strapless w a low lace-up back and the skirt is short and poofy but it’s sewn at the edges so that the #skirt is like a sphere-ish shape that holds fairly well and i should prob just draw it so what i’m saying makes sense but it is super cute #and i also got some jeans which is new for me i’ve not worn jeans since. um. i think the last time i wore jeans i was. idk. before #i started dressing myself? so under 5 maybe? idk pants feel really restricting to me and jeans esp that’s why i’m always wearing skirts #but i feel up to it rn bc i’ve always thought they were cute and also i think i’m comfortable enough in my skin to do so which i think it’s #usually the opposite for ppl they like pants and are afraid of dresses bc they’re uncomfortable/self conscious/whatever but for me #skirts have always been a safety blanket and they are so comfortable but sometimes skirts are just not practical so i need to like #get comfortable wearing pants and i tried doing it a couple years back but i was like in the midst of an eating disorder so that didn’t go #down well but i’m cool now i’m chill abt things and wearing skirts all the time makes ppl peg me as fem and i’m like ahhhhh stop she/her-in #me when i’m obvi in femboy mode or like when i’m being androgynous but i happen to be wearing a skirt w my outfit it’s annoying #anyway it took me two fucking hours to figure out what size i was bc skirts u don’t really have a size bc u just need it to fit ur waist #and ur golden but pants are so complicated and i have wide hips and thick thighs and it took me foreverrrr to find the right size #but i did and now i will never have to do all of that ever again <3 bc it was stressful every second that i wasn’t looking in the mirror #and making bedroom eyes at myself <3

[moxley]

first of all good afternoon. today we're being grown up and admitting we are bumpily recovering from an eating disorder instead of calling it "disordered eating" and hoping that gets me away from the issue.

second of all. recovering from an eating disorder is sooo rough when you catch yourself in the act ... sweating my eyeballs off googling "low calorie cookie recipes" before realising that if i'm going to binge it doesn't matter if the cookies are 10 calories apiece if i'm trying to eat the whole batch of them.

the problem isn't that cookies are high calorie. the problem is eating the whole batch.

#tal.png #eating disorder post tag warning. block it leave me alone #part of fixing thing is doing some volume eating of low-cal things like lots of veggies and things to just wean myself off. #and to also understand that volume eating CAN be okay. dinner last night was a fish curry with cauliflower rice and it was 430 cals #and it was HUGE. and that was great because it was filling and had good nutrients from the veggies and the fish. #that is okay. #that was a single meal and it was dense in the right way