Something I find fascinating is the difference between the Absolute party and the Grove party. Lae'zel doesn't care, but the other companions definitely do.
The most interesting reactions to me are Shadowheart and Astarion. Wyll will leave, and Gale can be made to stay if you convince him (and he's basically stuck with no other options anyway), but those two? They've got other things going on that pique my interest.
Shadowheart is odd because she worships one of the most legitimately evil deities in the whole of the D&D shared setting. Shar is basically omnicidal, wanting to destroy all of existence. Period.
And yet Shadowheart is bitter and drinking like a fish if you side with the Absolute cult. However, she's pretty relaxed if you side with the Grove, in generally good spirits. It's quite interesting, and it's part of why people speculate she isn't actually a Shar worshiper, among other things. Like all her approvals/disapprovals and how her memory had gotten wiped at some point.
Astarion's also interesting. In the Grove version of events, he acts dramatic about how he hates being looked at as a hero, and that the wine sucks. But, honestly, his complaining comes across as almost playful. If you side with the Absolute cultists, he's far more reserved, asking your preference for drink like a servant would, avoids complaining about the drinks, and points out the obvious situation with all the corpses everywhere, along with calling the player a "conquering hero."
Which is already a sign, I think, of how the routes affect the companions.
And the vibe I get, especially with Astarion's backstory as it is, is that the Absolute cultist route makes him think/realize that he's out of the frying pan (Cazador) and into the fire (a player who is totally up for killing refugees including children) and is trying to stay on their good side for the time being.
(His reaction involving siding with the Grove could be because there's no way in the Nine Hells that Cazador let Astarion have the spotlight or anything, and Astarion would certainly not be allowed to complain about the taste of something without reprisal.)
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Archie Cruz Long as Fuck Summary (Guy i hate and want to explode)
For @zomb1edude habibi <3
As a forewarning, there will be references to substance abuse, abuse, violence, predatory/gross behaviour, alcoholism, homophobia, racism, fatphobia, sexism/misogyny and pretty much everything awful that celebrity men do. Also this is the longest shit ever written.
Archie Cruz is one of the founding members and the frontman of the now-basically-defunct band Santa Cruz. He founded it alongside Johnny Parkkonen in 2007, before their bassist Middy and drummer Taz joined in 2008 and 2009 respectively. They're still Technically an active band.
Their current lineup consists of Archie (because he literally keeps dragging Santa Cruz's dead, dry corpse around when he really should just take it out back and shoot it like a dying beast), Brody DeRozie, Luke Man, and Wade Murff, all of which sound like fake names generated by someone trying to come up with fake American names.
And, for a four-member band, their past lineup somehow includes this list of former members. Their studio probably has a revolving door at this point.
(the "somehow" is because archie is a massive piece of shit who poisons the lives and vibes of anyone who comes within a five-kilometre radius of him)
As I mentioned in my last post, all of the original members of Santa Cruz abandoned ship in 2018, in the middle of the band's US tour because Archie was a massive piece of shit who couldn't hold it together, and allegedly punched Johnny in the face (probably while Archie was drunk), breaking Johnny's nose. He was kicked off the tour bus and onto the street "like a pariah" (in archie's words). Maybe you were a pariah because you Fucking Suck, Man!!! Die Immediately.
Johnny said in a statement that he could "no longer be involved in a situation where [he has] to constantly fear that someone will do irreversible damage to themselves or someone else". Archie had been dealing with substance abuse, namely alcoholism, for some time now, and had begun to value partying and fame and the Shit of being a celebrity over his bandmates and music, and had refused help several times from the guys prior to the breakup.
Shortly after the rest of the band fucking ditching him in 2018, Archie was also kicked out of his side project, The Local Band, and was replaced by none other than Samy Elbanna Lostsociety !!! Love that guy!!! This is because archie Sucks, and samy elbanna is a wonderful little guy.
ANYWAY. Johnny, Taz, and Middy fucking ditch him (as they Should), and Brodie DeRozie, their current guitarist, is the first guy Archie tries to replace Johnny with. Brodie joins April 16th, 2018, and in an absolutely Hilarious move, ditches MAY 22, 2018. He later rejoined in 2022. For some reason. And is still there. Poor guy.
Brodie's 2018 replacement was Pavel "Pav Cruz" Popov from Russia, who joined in July of 2018. 2018 was a Rough Fuckin Year for Santa Cruz, and was the year that Archie probably should have gone "oh it's me, i'm the problem. that's why nobody likes me". He recorded fucking EVERYTHING on their fourth album himself, which is not a flex when you are supposed to yk. have a band play your instruments for you.
They also had a new drummer at this point but he didn't learn any of the songs and they fired him. funniest guy here.
In 2019 they got a New, New, New lineup, which included archie and pav, but ALSO included Toxy Cruz (<- hilarious name) and Eemi Lamberg. Eemi Lamberg is important, because he's iconic as fuck. Eemi left in May of 2020, and went on to be a part of the bands St. Aurora and Kirkkovene.
In an absolutely slay move, St. Aurora made a disstrack about Archie called "Falling (Another Way to Fly)", which includes lyrics such as:
Santa Cruz also had a bunch of criticisms for stupid things, including being accused of plagiarizing music and Very Obviously lipsyncing onstage. However, lip syncing on stage does not reduce the quality of Archie's performances, as his voice is so grating to listen to that it makes no difference whether he's singing live or not. His singing sounds like he's trying VERY HARD not to shit himself.
Also, when Pav eventually left the band, they put out a statement saying it was "due to immigration issues" and Pav was like "No It Fucking Isn't". Pav leaving had NOTHING to do with immigration issues they just made that up to cover their asses, because everyone knows that Archie sucks the life out of everyone around them, without even sucking their dicks to make up for it.
In the Soundtrooper interview I linked in my last post, you can Tell how much everyone hates being around him, and I hate the interviewer for kind of feeding into Archie's ego. Hannes and Samy are both super cool, nice guys who usually have nothing bad to say about anyone who doesn't deserve it. But Archie just keeps fucking Talking, and he manages to get These faces out of Hannes and Samy just by existing, and probably because they've had to deal with him during shows and tours.
He's also done a bunch of stupid, petty drama shit, because he knows his career is dead and bringing up relevant musicians is the only way to retain any relevance in the music sphere. He made stupid comments about Joel from Blind Channel (as well as. just generally about Blind Channel because they were thriving in Finland while Archie was shrivelling up like a dick in cold water), with incredibly Based And Cool and Alphapilled takes including "He's Copying Me" (<- to be read in a whiny, whinging toddler voice, but Worse cause he's a grown man)
Archie's Based take was that Joel was copying him for you know.. being Blond, having long hair, and being a ""Little Cocky"". The problem with that statement is that Joel is a little cocky in kind of a lame, endearing way where he just gets really excited about his band's success and lets it go to his head a little, and Archie is such a Massive Fucking Dick that can't shut his fucking mouth and thinks he's the hottest shit in Finland and Also The World. And who thinks he. owns being Blond.
He also made a shitty comment about Johnny in a podcast or interview or something like that a few years after Johnny left the band (translation: when the band left Archie shivering on the American road like a wet stray dog in the rain), calling Johnny a "fat producer". Unfortunately for Archie, this did not affect Johnny's career in any way, and Johnny is continuing to slut it up in the Finnish music scene, unbothered and thriving.
Archie's bullshit doesn't end with him just being a general asshole, because you can be an asshole and you can suck, yet not do anything criminal or irreversibly damaging to other people. Archie is Not one of these people, because he's so Fucking awful that he doesn't end as just a celebrity dickhead.
The stuff i'm bringing up here is the reason why i have ZERO sympathy at all for Archie anymore, I hate his guts and I think we should Beat Him To Death with his own bones. I used to have some amount of sympathy for him, and I thought that when he went through rehab and sobered up he'd get better on some level, because substance addictions can do some really awful shit to a person's character (even if how they treat other people is still their responsibility). I thought that if we just left him alone and stopped giving him so much attention he could be a better person, and then I found out about how he Treats Women and Minorities!
(abuse TW)
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He generally talks about and treats women in a shitty way, but he's also been abusive and mistreating of his past partners. His ex-fiancee, Katelyn Cannella, came out with a video of her L.A. apartment, which Archie Absolutely Fucking Trashed after they broke their engagement. She also said that Archie had been abusing her mentally and physically for months.
Archie moved back to Finland immediately afterward, and I'm so glad that he's not anywhere near her anymore.
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Archie is currently engaged again!!! To a Fucking 20 year old, who he was dating when she was 19!!!!!!!! (archie is 31, and would probably go lower if it were legal. idc if that's true, he fucking sucks.)
They broke up for like, one night, during which Archie went to where she was staying and picked her up, claiming that they "couldn't bear to be apart" or Some Shit Like That.
It's worse when you have the context that they met on a reality TV show (Archie's been on at least two reality TV shows. including Survivor Suomi. they keep putting him on TV. Why.), and their relationship was Not That Deep, according to archie, and he made fun of her for taking it seriously. AND THEY GOT ENGAGED AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's also had a history of being generally homophobic, even asking a gay man ON CAMERA if he takes it in the ass. He also says faggot and calls things gay and [r-word] as an insult. in 2024.
One of his many former bandmates, Randy McDemian, had the honour of being called Randy Tortilla by Archie for being hispanic, because on top of everything else Archie is also a Fucking Racist.
TLDR: making a long-ass post about Archie Cruz isn't enough, i need to pop his head like a pimple.
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Golly can you IMAGINE tho if CoraBug happens pre-execution. Like. Lil preteen/teenage puppy love. Garp shows up occasionally to "apprehend" them ((fight and then party)), and Buggy, knowing this isn't exactly a FIGHT fight, just sits off to the side and chills with a book or sneaks onto the marine ship to raid their library/sweets stores and finds Cora there.
Cora who is very young for Marine standards but packs a punch, on Garp The Fist's ship to learn and get practice; Buggy who is also fairly young to be a pirate, and doesn't even have a bounty yet.
They hit it off and wond up curled up together in a blanket fort talking about books and having snacks and doing each other's makeup and giggling like loons.
Only their respective adult supervisors have finished their "battle" and have noticed their youngest ones are MISSING oh FUCK where the HELL ARE THE BABIES-
Searching for them like chickens with their heads cut off, panicking in the way only adults responsible for younger children do, just to find both in the cabinboy's cabin on the Hound, snuggled and fast asleep, makeup brushes still scattered and crumbs on their cheeks and wrapped around each other like lil puppies.
((And I sprinkle in my own lil headcanon, that while Buggy lacks Conquerors and struggled with Armament Haki, his Observation is OFF THE CHARTS. Not quite the Voice Of All Things, but his past, his experiences and his general paranoia lead to his Observation being suuuuuper oversensitive. He vibe checks people on instinct. Cora is one of the very VERY few who immediately passed the check. No, this does not make Shanks especially worried, ofc not, Bugs is happy so he's happy, really, just WHY THIS GUY-??))
((PS - Beetle demands your Buggy Backstory. I'll give you mine in return 👀👀))
First off Beetle when I tell you I firmly believe Corabug met as kids I need you to believe it.
1. My Corabug backtory involves Buggy and Cora going on a little adventure but let me say I absolutely love this idea. Garp kindly asking (kidnapping him from) Sengoku to have Cora come with him for training and not knowing he just set into motion the most dynamic duo ever.
Their puppy love from unlikely friends to lovers is so 💞💞💞💞 to me. Cora doesn’t have any friends his age and Buggy’s only had Shanks as a permanent friend so them finding each other and sharing so many hobbies is like a gift from the universe.
2. Love it when Buggy’s got strong observation haki (I especially love when nobody realizes cause it adds to angst hc’s I have 😈). Buggy can tell Cora’s is pretty neat and his vibes are chill so he can hang. The only other people he’s gotten that from are The Rogers, so meeting Cora was a nice change of pace from such a rowdy group. Plus the idea of Cora being taken off guard and shy at first well having Buggy tease him is cute 🥰.
3. Buggy’s past 😈😈
Personally I’m not one to shy away from gore and displeasuring situations. I like to think Buggy was just born a street rat who didn’t have a name until his “little accident” where Buggy’s from you don’t really have names ur kinda just there and usually only get a title if your part of a group. Buggy’s one of the few that’s usually just referred to as “that thing” before his accident which is when a bunch of other street kids get their hands on some marine weaponry that got left behind by a passing squadron and the wound Buggy’s leg pretty bad by shooting it when he tried to steal some food from them. The wound wasn’t taken care of properly and with an accumulation of other untreated injections and Buggy sleeping around rotting trash all the time bugs got into the wound and caused an infestation so bad in his body it gave him the name “Buggy”. It may not have been the first time it happened to someone but none of the others had ever seen it so bad. It’s actually one of the reasons Roger picks him up cause he hears a tale of “The living corpse”.
This is the surface of it but I do have a whole thing about it affecting his life afterwards and all that ✌️
I can’t wait to hear your Buggy backstory Beetle 🪲😈
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BLOODBORNE LORE Q+A PART 4: SETTING ODDS AND ENDS
part 1
part 2
part 3
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this part is a little drier compared to the other 3. it's a quick mop up on any remaining minutiae about the setting before we move onto events and characters/bosses. that's the real meat and potatoes. bear with me talking about game mechanics and tomorrow ill talk about the stupid mensis ritual alright. arent you excited to hear a new baseless theory about micolash's birthday party or whatever.
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THE HUNTER ASKS:
i think most statues weren't people. but something about the human experience of obsession turns the blood in yharnam first into syrup and then into stone. the item description for the frenzied coldblood reads:
A strong will produces thick blood. Doubtless, the product of obsession, a potent source of human strength.
i think this item description is the only bit of explicit text that ties together the idea of madness inducing what the game calls "crystallization". the blood shard item descriptions confirm that after death "a substance in the blood hardens" and another upgrade material, blood gems (name self explanatory, the page is annoying to navigate) are very rarely found in coldblood.
there are hints, however, that being driven mad with bad eldritch vibes causes problematic instantaneous crystallizations. your example of the poor saps at yahar'gul is a good one. whatever happened when the brain of mensis was called forth* really flash fried the whole town in a new kind of way.
*SPECULATION!!! we can try to establish that timeline when i talk about rom.
side note: there's some women skeletons who are pushing their kids out of their way like they're george costanza hearing the fire alarm and it makes me lol every time i see it. i think its bc the little boy skeletons are wearing a little fancy lad outfit.
theres also the spikes that form in your blood when you become "frenzied", a debuff that obliterates most of your health in 1 second. when you are in danger of being "frenzied" (this happens when you look at or are attacked by certain enemies whose appearance or sound is so horrible it drives you insane), spikes shoot out of your head.
i thought this was just a gameplay mechanic to visually indicate whats happening if you miss the audio cue or the meter. but it turns out there's several unlucky bastards who peeked at the brain of mensis and got riddled with enormous spikes that came from the inside out.
imagine a monster that is so scary your blood tries to escape your body at maximum velocity. but its just mother brain from metroid.
i think most of the eyes from various corpses were pecked out by the enormously fat crows all over the place and then excreted/barfed whatever way they do in nature. they swallow rocks irl to digest shit because god forgot they need to be able to eat food to live.
THE HUNTER COMMENTS:
i clued in shawn to the original version of the lamps from an early version of the game: a chair you sit, sleep and dream in. once you know this pointless factoid, you will start noticing the frequency of really weirdly placed chairs in the game. its a chair game. adeline is strapped down to a chair. annalise sits on her throne. the spooky skeleton gatekeeper for the forbidden woods is in a chair. chairs.
THE HUNTER SAYS:
CANON! for some reason the english translation neglects to mention that its in your own handwriting which is like. part of why it would be spooky. otherwise its like iosefka left a note to herself to kill god later.
THE HUNTER SAYS:
lmfao these damn things. i dont even think about them bc the really just read as background filler but they were at one point in development going to be something important. the internal game files indicate that they are "shrines" and a cut enemy called "shrine knight" exists in a near finished condition. these concepts seem very far removed from the end product so its wild how done this enemy is. cainhurst stuff??
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ok, next time i have questions to answer about bosses in the game, bosses cut from the game and doggies. theres a great question in here about who names bosses. honestly like how tf do you (the hunter) know that's a cleric beast. you just got here. you dont know anything. a coconut fell on your head and you dont remember your address
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Notes about my character design: confessions, how and why Githyanki influences my work, personal experiences, silly ideas, My games, and more I guess
If you don't follow me and just found this I have something to say first: Be welcome, hope this text doest sound pretentious, I'm Vikintor, I made some obscure games (Teocida, Tamashii and Estigma), they're available on Steam and consoles as well.
You might notice that my "original" character designs are being heavily influenced by the Githyanki these days, especially their "classic" designs from Fiend Folio to "Rise of the Githyanki" published in Polyhedron and "Knights of the lich-Queen" in Dungeon Magazine, and of course, mixed a little with what I call "modern" design (I also like how the Githzerai give me Jedi vibes, yes, Jedi from Star Wars). The less human it looks while maintaining some human proportions, the better. And that's why I love the old "classic" alienish designs the most.
Why D&D Gith's?
Confession time; I never really cared that much about Dungeons & Dragons before I discovered the Githyanki, and they're the only race in D&D that I actually care about, especially for the storytelling and roleplay possibilities based on their lore. As someone who favorite character designs ranges from D'vorah from Mortal Kombat, Undyne from Undertale, to Lilith from Diablo, liking the look of the classic Gith was easy for me, and boe they are rad.
Quick context on who they are (you can skip if you know them or don't care):
Githianky are a D&D race know as humanoid creatures (mostly gray, green and yellow skin toned) with a rigid militaristic background. Raised to serve their Lich-Queen and destined to die for her (and by her, but some don't know that part). They were slaves of an illithid empire in the past and after being led to freendom by Gith (A woman named Gith, there's no Gith races before her), their race was splited in two; The Githyanki believes they are the real children of Gith and the Githzerai believes the Githyanki still slaves, not from illithid but the queen. plus: Githianky live in cities build on the corpses of fallen deities (that's metal).
Most of the Githyanki are considered evil, as some go on raid campaigns to steal from another planes (they love precious stones and gold, and they can be seem as pirates, but instead of ships they ride red dragons thanks to a pact made with Tiamat). Their complexity creates a bunch of What-If scenarios that I'm interested in: like; did you know that religion is forbidden to the Githyanki (Only Lich-Queen Clerics are permitted), but many of them secretly worship other gods. And how crime and punishment works on their society (kinda don't works at all, so a lot of them are afraid to look for justice), and how Githyanki monks exists in their society but faces prejudice (Githaynki monks are often seem as Githzerai spies), And you have stories about the Gith rebels that believes the Githyanki and Githzerai can be unified as only "children of Gith", as the same time their leader is way too controvertial and self-centered, and how some of these rebels befriend humans (which is a taboo), or how their society hates every non-Githyanki but are polite and refined among their own kind, which is often confusing and complex as they are known for their aggressive propaganda among themselves and how they kill each other during their insane militaristic raising. They also often do parties, play and write songs and have fun, there's also half-Githyanki/half-dragons superwarriors created in a secret experiment led by the Lich-queen (those don't care about the Githyanki society and aren't friendly to them), and them you still have the Githzerai (neutral Gith monks that despise the Lich-Queen and have their own society and traditions) and the Githvy (rogue Gith's that aren't Githyanki or Githzeray, who often tries to live among other races).
Ahh?
Of course I don't know everything about them and maybe there is some misinterpretation on my part, some of the content was created over the years and unfortunately most of it was never published or translated into my idiom, so I have to translate it myself, but I'm not writing this to convince people to like them as much as I do. I'm sharing this to bring out what and how it inspired me.
So, what this have to do with me?
As someone who likes weird ambiguous characters and enjoys fantasizing with what-if scenarios; discovering that lore on D&D made me realize how much prejudice I had with D&D. If you say to me "This rpg race is totally evil or totally good" I can only answer: "Impossible. Individual characters are more complex than that, I want to explore the exceptions". If all are evil, I want some trying to discover what means to be good, and want some to fail miserable, and want some to learn something from that experience, if they're all serious, I want some to be silly and weird.
I'm far from a real writer (whatever that means), but I like fantasizing about atypical situations and writing about them, which is why I wrote neutral demon-like creatures for Tamashii and Teocida in the first place, even when I still lacked more maturity for that. I'm also interested in these exceptions in rpg lore and improving those aspects as I write about them, which is why D&D Githyanki inspired my current design.
But how it inspired me:
Just like many fantasy stories were created during sessions of tabletop RPG campaigns, I became interested in Gith-exclusive games thanks to discovering content like Fiend Folio and "Rise of the Githyanki" and "Knights of the Lich-Queen" (both Gith centred games focused on Gith players, with few exceptions), which is why I became way more obsessed with them. And damm, a videogame like BG3 having Githianky as a playable race is everything I hoped for (I'm not interested in BG4 if there's not a single playable Gith race. I just want to keep creating weird Gith girl characters and make them break things and form a band named Githgang), but I'm not here to talk about BG3, sorry.
So Gith's was my first inspiration to write my own RPG races with their own language, traditions, dogma, taboos, and designs. I think about how something like this could happen in the universe I've been working on since Tamashii. But I'm not going for something complex, but rather thinking about characters that I would create for my Gith campaigns could be another type of character if I create them in another position, another world with different laws, instead of just roleplaying as Githanky forever.
As I can't write Githyanki characters without it being some sort of fanfic (my fault for not going for something more common like wizards, orcs and gnomes), I still at least being inspired by them.
After reading a bunch to roleplay as Gith characters or just to fantasize about it, their personalities, and how they react to the world still something that is organically created while I'm assuming that character and playing around, this doesn't need to be bound to a specific lore. I'm being redundant at this point, but you get the idea, that's how the brazilian character Ozob was created in the 90's (He was a character created during a Cyberpunk tabletop RPG session, and then became an original character with books and merchandize in Brazil until CD Projekt Red got the rights to put him in the Cyberpunk 2077 for real)
Therefore, I can say that part of what may come in the future is the result of my experiences and inspirations with D&D mixed with all my other inspirations, such as H.R Giger, biomechanical horror, Screaming Mad George's style body horror, esoteric/exoteric references, industrial music and atmospheric, creepypasta, etc. It might be weird, or not, maybe a little silly or edgy as always, but I don't know what to do besides accepting the results, keep moving forward, and have fun in the process.
The first character as an Avatar:
"Astral of Latanael" still a working name for the first character I made inspired by Gith. The draft for her is: She is a Mhold'eze, a zombie-like servant bonded to her preceptor, a necromancer who serves as her mentor. Mhold'ezes inherit part of their master's powers and are often used as an extension of their master's will where they cannot be present, always receiving an important task, or mission as soon as they are born (like Feucirl and Pleroma of Teocida, except that Pleroma is not a necromancer). This is the first draft of the original character that I'm using as an avatar, but I do plan to work more on this silly lady and Latanael (her Necromancer) to include them in my game, or games, or more than that. It depends of what I decided.
Ok, just a quick look on how Astral looks right now, before I made more changes.
Congrats if you read until here, I'm surprised if you really read more than 1500 words of some weird dude talking about why silly D&D "pirates" inspired him to keep creating more silly weird angry girl characters.
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Rating Hunter Sylvester's Outfits
Cause I'm gay, let's go
Putting the outfits in the order of when they appear in the film, rather than a ranked order. Since many get the same rating.
Please take this with the lighthearted intent it was written in.
With gifs~
1. Sleeveless Madhouse.
It’s very good. I like it a lot. We take note of the nail polish, we enjoy it while we can, it will disappear shortly.
8/10
2. The Flannel Trooper
Technically this is the second outfit we see Hunter in. It belongs more to a later scene but that’s just this film’s odd relationship with continuity and time. It’s also his worst fucking outfit. I don’t know if he just does not suit plaid. I certainly think the jeans don’t quite work. Whatever it is, it’s not great. Love the Iron Maiden shirt, tho.
4/10
3. The Hidden Shock Shirt ft. The Jacket™
Solid outfit, love that edgy shit for Hunter. Want that shirt. Debut of the denim jacket. Sadly includes the grey jeans that I do not fuck with.
8/10.
4. Misfits At A Party
We love an all black vibe. Striking Misfits skull, all around a great look.
9/10.
5. Judas Brat
Another all black number. With or without the black denim jacket, it's a major vibe. I like the all-black converse. Very good.
9/10.
6. The Last Supper for Hunter's full head of hair.
Second to worst outfit in my opinion. It's basically a copy of the third outfit but without any of the flavor.
5/10.
7. Slayer Shirt For The Hurt
Calling this a comfort outfit. I like it a lot. Shirt looks kinda worn and soft and it’s a good level of oversized. Those fucking grey jeans again tho. But black converse, so~
8/10.
8. No Sleeves No Chill
Debut of the newly altered battle jacket as well as the earring. We also get the T-Shirt referencing the film's tagline, very good. The scribbled on 'tattoos' are so stupid and I love them.
9/10
9. The Violent Outfit Of Reason
Back to all black! And it looks comfy. I love it. I actually really like the, what looks like, black cargo pants???
This outfit was me at 13. Seriously, it looks like it was plucked straight from my teenage closet. I'm gonna be biased.
(Tbf I would 100% wear this now, as is the case for most of his outfits.)
9/10
10. Completely Gay
The sleeveless shirts are a gift that keeps on giving. (also the faded shitty little scribbled on 'tattoos')
8/10
11. The Best Outfit
This is it. This is the best one. Hands down, his best outfit. One may count the Rhoads as a part of the outfit idgaf, it’s his best outfits regardless. The silhouette, the battle jacket, the symbolism. Chef’s kiss.
10/10
12. Gym Shorts
eheheheheheheheh look at him
7/10
13. Ready For Battle
We’re considering the corpse paint as part of the outfit. It’s so very extra in the best way possible. The fact that they fit 2 continuity errors into 1 outfit and have the blue light randomly turn off, it's great.
Bonus points for Demonias~
(That collar looks so uncomfortably snug tho but I wear them really fuckin' loose when I do so maybe this is normal?????)
9/10
14. Rehab Boy #1
I actually really like his rehab outfits???? Idk I think they're cute. I mean I don't fully get WHY Hunter has to wear sweats when everyone else in rehab seems to just be in their own clothes????? I'm guessing Alan "Father Of The Year" Sylvester, dropped him off without any change of clothes, so these were probably provided by the rehab center.
7.5/10
15. Rehab boy #2
See entry 14, but beige.
7.5/10
16. Battle Of The Bands
I like it but I am SEVERELY disappointed by the LACK of eyeliner. I just think it could be more extra. Like mf really pulled out a custom Jackson but couldn't whack on some eyeliner or smth. We know Hunter can do extra, so give me extra. Still like it tho.
8/10
17. Reformed Asshole
At first I really didn’t like how they put Hunter in a very light outfit now that he’s ‘nice’ like some cliche visual shorthand. But I’ve grown to love the outfit over time. It looks comfy. Cute hurt boy vibes imo.
9/10
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HIII THISIS ME FORMALLY ASKING ABOUT BG3 AND YOUR TAVS AND WHATNOT... OR ANYTHING REALLY !! IVE BEEN MEANING TO ASK BUT IW AS SOSO SCARED. FOR SOME REASON. (AND IF YOU ALREADY MADE A POST SOSORRY MY NOTIFS ARE ALL FUCKED UP AND WHATNOT YOU KNOW HOW IT IS)
HI. I AM MAKING THIS POST NOW I KNOW I SAID I’D MAKE IT EARLIER AND I REALLY WANTSD TO BUT. I HAVE BEEN SO SO BUSY AND ALSO THERE JS THE BURNOUT. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. Anyway thank you for asking it finally gave me the kick in the butt I needed to Make The Post!! Yippie! Under the cut bcs of length etc etc <3
Okay so first is my main girl Peony!! She’s my durge and I love her <3!!
Some info:
She/it. Kind of a girl but not really. Transfem <3
Asmodeus tiefling and a war cleric of Tiamat!
Using her to romance Astarion
She’s super pink because I love pink and it’s my favorite color. Yes it’s self indulgent no I don’t care. Heart <3
Similarly, her name is Peony because peonies are pink and I like them. Heart x2 <3
Aside from that, though, the main inspiration behind her design is that I love love love how pink and red are both Valentine’s Day colors / “girly” colors and the colors most heavily associated with blood and guts and viscera. Wanted to play around with the idea of a character who is kind of the physical representation of that. Of the way pink and red are associated both with violence and with love and femininity. The duality of the heart as both a symbol of romance and as the thing that keeps your blood pumping etc etc
As such, she is very much the embodiment of that concept! At first glance, she’s very soft and sweet and feminine and doting, but her behavior is pretty much the antithesis of her appearance! She Is An Asshole. And a violent one at that! She has very little regard for what is good or right or just or moral, but she isn’t just out for what’s best for her either, she likes violence for the sake of violence! Even if causing it isn’t in her best interest
This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have any kind of an interest in sex and romance and stuff tho. She does! The kinds of relationships that appeal to her are just a bit Fucked Up
Gets weird about the sight of guts and organs and blood and viscera, for example. Kind of girl who would be posting on tumblr about the inherent eroticism of cannibalism if tumblr existed in dnd
Annoys the rest of the party when she stops to examine and poke through the blood and guts of every corpse she passes. She’s not even LOOTING, she’s just Admiring, and everyone else can’t stand it (“let’s just get a damn move on already!”)
Also, I wanted to make her a war cleric of Tiamat *specifically* to further play into this concept. Like, everyone assumes clerics are good-aligned healers for the most part, so I wanted her to not reflect that AT ALL. She worships the living embodiment of avarice and hate and prays for MORE death and gore, not to heal it
In terms of backstory, I don’t have it Super figured out, but I imagine that she grew up in the hells amongst the large scale suffering and violence there and began to resent life and goodness as a result. She also developed her Fixation with viscera as a fucked up coping mechanism. Can’t be traumatized by the blood and guts if you train yourself to like seeing them, after all
Beginning to worship Tiamat is definitely where she really started to REALLY go downhill, though. Devoting yourself to hatred and malice and war is bad for you, it turns out!
I imagine she started this worship as a second Fucked Up Coping Mechanism. If the world is going to be cruel no matter what you might as well embrace it and worship that cruelness, yeah? Make yourself a part of it. Can’t be the victim if you’re the perpetrator, and it’s every man for themselves after all
Is drawn to Astarion initially because he’s also mean and a bitch! Like he’s not an asshole in the exact same way as her but she likes his Vibe. Is DEFINITELY suspicious of him at first, though. She can pick up on the fact that he’s Hiding Something, even if she doesn’t know exactly what. She actually respects it though! Doesn’t mind someone with a couple secrets, and she’s got a few herself anyway
She IS nosy, though— like a massive gossip— so she definitely does dig deeper until she Figures It Out. Doesn’t ever bring it up because it’s good to have blackmail and she isn’t THAT fond of him yet but she Knows
When he tries to bite her she initially gets angry because she assumed he was trying to sneak up on her and kill her. Not because she was offended at the concept of someone plotting to murder her, though, but because she thinks that it’s cowardly to SNEAK UP on someone and then kill them. A real “fight me properly if you want me dead bitch!!” moment
Then she finds out that he just wanted her blood and very much just went “oh? Is that all?” about it. Like doesn’t even bat an eye in the slightest. What already being Weird about blood and viscera does to an mfer
After they start getting closer, I’d imagine that they both have an “oh I can make them so much worse” moment about the other. But it’s like multiplying two negatives and getting a positive and instead of making each other worse they actually end up making each other better! They both realize that maybe they Do care, maybe they Do want good things for the other (and therefore for themselves) and are both very pouty and bitchy about it at first
In terms of her relationships with the others, I’d imagine it varies! She likes Lae’zel almost as much as she likes Astarion, and they get along pretty well. She thinks Gale is so so boring and tries to avoid him at all costs. Wyll has good stories but he’s also a goody-two-shoes. At least he can give good advice for slaying demons, though. She thinks he’s meh, overall. She sees SO MUCH of herself in shadowheart (manipulated/groomed into serving an all powerful evil deity) and it makes her SO uncomfortable. She doesn’t want to admit that serving the literal personification of violence and hate is Bad For Her, even if she can see how bad serving Shar is for shadowheart. So she tends to avoid her to avoid that uncomfortable feeling you get when you recognize your suffering in another even when you don’t want to admit that you’re suffering at all. She also feels that Karlach is a goody-two-shoes (much like Wyll) but tieflings have to stick together. She’s biased towards her and likes her, overall. However, seeing someone who’s suffered to the degree you have still be kind when you’ve chosen to be cruel is a hard pill to swallow, and while there’s definitely some resentment there for that, by and large it just makes her want to be Better, even if she wont admit it
Aside from the Angst, I imagine that she does have hobbies and interests just like everyone else. She’s still a Person, after all
She likes flowers, and in a world where she can settle down and be happy I picture her being an avid gardener! In this same world, I think she could use her obsession with viscera in a productive way by becoming a butcher! In fact, she probably DOES become a butcher, after she settles down post game
Cares probably a bit too much about her appearance for someone who doesn’t really like people all that much
Physical touch is her love language! She’s bad with words and doesn’t know how to pick gifts, quality time feels awkward when you haven’t yet learned how to act around people without assuming that they mean to do you harm (and that YOU mean to do THEM harm) and acts of service just aren’t her thing. But she sure as hell does know how to drape herself over you like a cat or hug you so tight you can’t breathe! Big on PDA. Of course, all of this happens after lots of discussion and boundary setting and Time, when it comes to Astarion specifically
Speaking of PDA, Karlach’s warm hugs (post engine fix) are her favorite :)
Predictably, she’s a carnivore who loves to eat meat. For her, the rarer the better (much to the disgust of her campmates and especially Gale, who won’t cook raw food, no matter how much she asks)
Probably takes up wood carving at some point as a more Productive coping mechanism, just so she can do something with her hands and a knife that isn’t violent. Her favorite things to carve are bunnies <3 (they’re her favorite animal)
Speaking of bunnies, she’d probably get a pet rabbit postgame as she learns to trust herself with delicate, vulnerable things again. It’d be a white one, and she’d name it Sugar, I think :)
Okay I think I will shut up now. I have thought literally SO MUCH about her and I’ve already written a barely coherent essay full of random stuff but!! There is still more in my brain. I will maybe talk about Seraph later, but this is already an essay so I’m leaving it at that! Thanks again Kosmo for asking and I’m so sorry about the length of this half incoherent ramble!!!
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The evolution of Grandma Addams: Part 4
The Addams Family movies simplified greatly the “Grandma” character by reuniting her as one character... But in the process this actually complicated the whole Grandma situation, retroactively making continuity problems that fans and other adaptations play with even to this day... Well, you’ll see for yourself.
In the first “Addams Family” movie, Grandmama (played by Judith Malina) is depicted with an appearance similar to the one of Chas Addams drawing, while having a personality mixing the sitcom and the original cartoons. She is a short and stout lady in black dresses wrapped in black or faded-red shawls, with big frizzy untamed grey hair (the movie notably adds a lot of necklaces and rings, as well as mittens, giving her a sort of “creepy elderly bohemian” vibe). She is still a cook for the family - in fact we see most of the dishes she actually makes and... they range from the disgust to the purely grotesque (some of her dishes even still move in the plate). When the Addams family gets kicked out of their home, she also takes the charge of “bringing dinner” by hunting cats and dogs around town ; and from the various cookbooks she owns (some of which are actually anatomy manuals for doctors or books ABOUT BABIES), it seems she isn’t above a bit of cannibalism. The vast basement kitchen of the house becomes her domain (where she is helped by Lurch).
The movie also plays a lot her emotional, funny side from the sitcom by having her be actually quite mischievious. We see her in some scenes “playing” with the children (one deleted scene notably had her try to use the kid’s dart-blower at the charity auction), and she is shown to love jokes (she notably pulls one on Margaret during the séance using Thing to make Margaret believes she ripped off her hand). She is a happy, joyful, a bit childish old lady (if you can pass beyond her ragged appearance, dark clothes and habit of cooking babies)
However the movie introduces one BIG change. In the movie duology, instead of being Gomez’s mother like in previous incarnations, she becomes Morticia’s mother and Gomez’s mother-in-law. Gomez own mother (as well as Fester’s), “Mother Addams” is actually dead before the events of the movie (and before the birth of the children), killed by an angry mob. The change to Morticia’s mother notably brings me to something that the sitcom had already gotten rid off: Grandma’s dark complexion. She was more brown-skinned in the original cartoons, and while she was played by a white woman in the sitcom, here she becomes a very pale hag - which does make sense if she is the mother of the corpse-pale Morticia.
Another thing I did not mention but that was started by the sitcom: Grandma’s slowly moving in the family. In Chas Addams cartoons she is an occasional visitor: she comes from time to time, she joins the family during big parties, but she clearly does not live with them (in fact one of her early drawings show her arriving with Fester at the house, another outsider). In the sitcom she becomes a regular of the family, with her own room in the house and who appears in most of the episodes, implying she lives there on a regular basis - but she still isn’t in all episodes, and is sometimes said to be out for various trips and holidays (other times she just isn’t there with no real explanation). In the movies, Grandmama becomes an integral and permanent part of the household, never seen leaving their side.
One last small fact: If you look closely at her neck, you can see she wears a brooch or a sort of cameo jewel, like old ladies used to - but hers is shaped like a spider.
For the sequel, “The Addams Family Values”, Grandmama is played by another actress, Carol Kane, and she looks even worse than before. She is skinnier and smaller, with a more frail voice - on top of her unearthly paleness she now also sports deep dark circles around her sunken eyes, and she doesn’t have many teeth left... This Grandmama looks much more worn-out and much sicker than the previous, playful, bombastic Grandmama. But this can be explained by the fact that Carol Kane was actually MUCH younger than Judith Malina: she was in her early forties! A lot of makeup and prosthetics had to be used to make her look older - which also made her more decrepit.
As you can see on the picture above, another fashion detail the movie duology added to Grandmama: hats. This version of Grandmama often wears hats for going out (either for the charity auction, or for visiting Debbie). She is also seen wearing ribbons in her hair in the first movie during the séance (not that they make her hair less chaotic). In the second movie she does wear two big braids for some scenes - but her hair is still a mess and the braids do little to help.
An aspect of Grandmama that is much more highlighted in the movies (especially in the sequel) is her “witchy” nature. In the first movie she is the one leading the séance to contact Fester, making her the “medium” of the family, and in the sequel she acts the family’s “doctor”, trying to cure Pubert from his “disease” with a bizarre exorcism-like ritual, and finding his unusual disease in her old medical grimoires. She is also seen putting a curse on Debbie using a skull - a curse that actually does work, given Debbie’s “burst and burn” end.
As one would say, this version of Grandmama does look like she is up to the name “Frump”, but due to the success and popularity of the Addams movie creating an alternate “canon”, they actually started the whole “Is Grandmama Gomez or Morticia’s mother?” debate among the Addams audience and fandom. To the point some people claim Grandmama was originally intended by Chas Addams to be Morticia’s mother and the movie went back to the “original”, while the sitcom diverged by making her Gomez’s mother. This is false: Charles Addams always intended Grandma Frump/Grandmama to be the mother of Gomez - it is the duology that diverged from the established canon by making her Morticia’s mother, something that had never been done before.
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((The Zoo, part 7!))
Wynn’s player couldn’t join us today for IRL reasons, so we’ve decided that he’s infinity feet up in the air, and taking an interdimentional bathroom break.
Dynamite and Nosca both chased Worm 1 underground as it tried to flee. Worm 3 is still dead, and Worm 2 is still menacing Lin Zhi (whose name I’ve been spelling wrong this entire time I’m so sorry DM).
“I love the fact that the goose has ki points.”
Honk’s Player: “Honk is going to honk.”
DM: “The worm honks back.”
Honk’s Player: “I don’t like that.”
Dynamite nearly got eaten by Worm 3 while her player was taking a bathroom break.
“Lin Zhi, heads up! There’s a dog coming in hot!”
Worm 2 rolled a nat 20 to bite Lin Chi, and he got munched.
“Worm 2, don’t eat that! You don’t know where that’s been!”
Koira was already using her full movement to reach him even before the worm chomped him, and has to use her whole movement again to try and catch up as Worm 2 tried to run away.
*Lassie theme intensifies*
In the tunnel with Worm 1, Nosca almost died. Again.
Yay ran after Worm 2, because she saw it eat Lin Zhi, and couldn’t just ignore that.
She can actually reach Worm 2 and still attack, whereas Koira still has to dash just to get there. At least Yay can distract it, right?
Nosca crawled out of Worm 1’s hole, after almost dying, and Dynamite smashed Worm 1 for 33 damage.
Oh, yeah, and Worm 2 is still on fire form Lin Zhi’s last fireball.
“Honk is not going underground. He is not an underground kind of goose.”
Dynamite’s PC: “I’ve done over 100 points of damage to this thing hOW IS IT NOT DEAD YET?!”
There was brief talk of Lin Zhi fireball-ing the worm from the inside.
“I didn’t ask how big the worm is, I said I cast fireball!”
Koira finally caught up to Yay and Worm 2, barking all-the-while bc she can’t attack after dashing. This fluffy, medium-sized creature managed to nat 20 intimated this gargantuan monster…
…and made it run away nO COME ON I JUST GOT HERE-
Yay’s player, at Worm 2: “Die already so we can carve Lin out of your corpse!”
Yay successfully cast Suggestion on Worm 2 and convinced it to circle around and make its tunnel meet up with Worm 1’s, thus sending it back toward our camp and back into our party’s general range.
“What’s reasonable to a worm?”
Also at some point Nosca Enlarged Dynamite so now she’s a 10ft rabbit lady fist fighting this worm in its own tunnel.
“It doesn’t do much. The worm just screams.”
Koira rolled an unnatural 21 to hit, and rolled first max and then near max damage on her already-Searing Smite-d stick.
It was only 10 damage, but it was something. Listen she is a dog her quarterstaff is just a big stick she found in the woods it’s the best she’s got.
Yay, watching a screaming Koira chase after a flaming worm with a big wooden stick: “She’s got this, yeah? Yeah…I should go get the backup.”
No longer dying, Nosca went back into Worm 1’s tunnel with Dynamite, and landed two successful hits with her crossbow.
Dynamite rolled high to decimate the worm, and tablesaw-ed her way from its tail to its jaw with her axe.
Nosca, looking around the tunnel dripping with worm gore: “Remind me not to piss you off.”
Still refusing to go underground, Honk is still vibing up in the air with Wynn.
DM: “Was nobody going to remind me to give Lin Zhi his acid damage at the start of Worm 2’s turn??”
Us players, who have adopted Lin Zhi as our party’s favorite NPC and want him to not die: “Absolutely not.”
Koira missed two more attacks, and Worm 3 resurfaced to get away from her.
Koira: *husky-like screams of rage*
“Ceremony can do emotional damage under the right circumstances.”
“These worms are not smart enough for emotional damage.”
Down to cantrips and inappropriate spells, Yay ran close enough to Worm 2 to throw her one dagger at it. She hit! But only did 3 damage. Worm 2 didn’t even notice.
Nosca cast Scorching Ray upon Worm 2 and only one of it’s three attacks missed, doing 18 damage total.
“Worm 2, which is already on fire, takes those scorching rays very badly.”
Dynamite dashed to get up to Worm 2, and Honk began to circle it, now that it’s back above ground.
DM: “This worm is having the worst day of its life.”
Me: “As it so deserves!”
Koira and I are both very tired of having to dash just to keep up with this damn worm will someone pLEASE KILL IT ALREADY-
Worm 2 fled again, but invoked four separate attacks of opportunity as it did so. Honk killed it with his first attack.
Everyone else is freaking out and trying to rescue Lin Zhi (or what might be left of him), but Honk went to take a nap in Wynn’s Cozy Cottage.
Dynamite managed to carve Lin Zhi out, Yay prestidigitated him clean, Nosca healed him for at least ten points of HP, and Koira licked him for good measure.
Yay wondered if we could eat the worm meat, and the party - remembering Honk’s previous attempt - quickly dissuaded her.
“It’s really awkward to see a goose throw up. I don’t think they’re supposed to.”
Nosca: “Should we collect the worm goop like that quest back in town asked us to?”
Koira: “Yes, but I have no thumbs and cannot hold the vials. I can offer you moral support, though!”
While the rest of the party went to work chopping up the worms, harvesting their goop, and salvaging their leather, Koira found a nice, soft spot of grass, and collapsed. She did a lot of running, don’t you know!
Lilly joined her, and gave her belly rubs. Whether they were supposed to calm down Koira or Lilly more is a toss up.
Yay has 63 yards of worm leather what are you going to do with 63 yards of worm leather-
We ended there, with everyone alive and slightly more traumatized than they had been before.
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I'm only like an hour into the first episode of fated cuz i haven't had much time to watch. in what way are the dm's jokes bad? cuz ive heard that the old dm was weirdchamp but idk any more than that so i just kinda wanna know what to expect. (you can answer publicly or privately if you want!)
Hmm examples I can think of off the top of my head rn are:
- Referring to annoying people as disabled multiple times and generally making jokes about mentally disabled/ill people several times
- Hilltree fucks corpses. He keeps being horny over people. It’s gross. Him and some of the PCs are also really horny over Taxi’s unconscious girlfriend at one point. I do not like Hilltree.
- Was weird and fantasy racist about duergar (essentially the dwarf equivalent of drow elves) who have dark skin. It was blegh. Also the first arc is immediately fantasy racist about tieflings, tabaxi and dwarves, which isn’t too awful on its own but combines with the other stuff to be very eh.
- Generally just some of the most rancid vibes I have ever encountered
- The party is a bit eh at some points too. Especially about any female characters. They get real horny over Velrisa, Wheatie’s character, the moment she’s introduced, but you probably already heard that part.
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out of context campaign notes part II
featuring some of my favorite lines from the first three sessions of Curse of Strahd (campaign intro here), in which the party meets each other for the first time, gets tricked into entering trapping themselves in Barovia, and naturally ends up in the Death House almost immediately. we do manage to clear the Death House, though, and finish up the third session by meeting Ismark and Ireena!
[content warnings for CoS typical body horror undead monsters, implied harm to children, and harm to a cat, but the cat is okay, don't worry. unfortunately cannot say the same for the children this time. read more cuts off before any of that starts, however]
god said shut up you idiots
~just cleric things~
i have been mistaken for a server
a drenched man in brightly colored clothes is standing there, dripping everywhere
i raise my hand, but the dude ignores me
i’ve heard werewolves don’t like eating in the rain
Shalden has worm brain
the half-orc house [at a gambling table] sparks up a conversation with him, asking him where he’s staying tonight and why he’s so cool with giving up gold
Shalden gets the vibe that maybe this guy wants to rob him
also, they’re speaking orcish, which kinda sounds like scooby-doo talk
traveling altar boy
it’s a beautiful sunny day, but there’s mud and shit and fallen branches everywhere and all that jazz
dope: it’s what’s for breakfast
just to be clear, the stable boy is a 40-year-old man
Shalden: I’m gonna squat and pray
50lbs of dead horse
we aren’t in kansas anymore
there isn’t a town, but there is the overwhelming stench of death
there was no horse, or, at least, not anymore. Arrigal likes to think he makes a good horse impression though
i call him a dick. the other people at the table laugh
i ask if there’s a way to get home. he’s all “this is home” and I’m like “nah bro” and he’s like “it is now, bitch, deal with it”
there is no sun, hence everyone’s lovely complexions
the woman next door is called Mad Mary, and she’ll probably forget about us in five minutes and be back to screaming again
we head west and start snooping at the most disheveled looking house
out of every hole and shadowy place pours hundreds of mangy rats
this is the only well-oiled gate in the village
we roll initiative. nothing happens.
the suits come alive and attack us. what a surprise
something crawls out of the walls and puts itself in front of the elf
it looks like a slug or an octopus at first but, uh, well, “logically, if there’s a bare skeleton, something must have happened to the fleshy part”
it’s the fleshy part.
it’s wearing a butler’s uniform.
gross.
DM: it’s like a scarf of flesh that’s slowly squeezing on you
they murder it to death, and it flumps on the floor next to the skeleton
it leads to some stairs going up. at the top, there’s three rooms. one is a storage room with mysterious piles covered in cloth that might be corpses, and things in the walls that are definitely corpses. one is a storage room that’s not filled with corpses, and the third is a children's room
there’s a missing bone from one of the skeletons [of the children whose ghosts we are trying to put to rest]. you look over and see Snowflake [a cat] gnawing on it
i cast light on my hammer bc, as a human, i cannot see in the dark
the corpse room was originally gonna be a playroom, but then, ya know . . .
i don’t like that
apparently, Gricks sometimes eat metal
bad vibes from the dust people
there’s a severed hand running along his arm now
you are about to get punched in the face by a disembodied hand
none of the figures are aggressive, but they are ominously chanting: blood shed for life, blood shed from death, blood for the blood god, blood something something blood something
the alcove is just an alcove, with a pile of bodies and a hole up at the top
hypothesis: will bleeding give us a way out?
does this mean our own blood, or do we have to stab the baby corpses?
Valessha decides to slice their palm over the altar to see if that helps
it does not
Shalden decides to stab a baby corpse
it also does not help
Snowflake is moving a lot
noooooo we don’t have to kill the cat, do we?
let’s try stabbing Eliza!
she doesn’t react to Valessha trying to stab her, she just kinda stares
the chants are becoming faster and more frantic, and by now it’s basically just “blood”
well, the timer has run out
there’s a familiar sucking sound, and then corpse pieces fall into the water around us, and begin dragging themselves towards the alcove, where they all join together into a writhing mound of bodies
sounds crunchy!
it’s wailing, and at the center is the two babes
it’s gonna go for you [Shalden]; you’re big and meaty
advantage all over it
you are trapped in a giant ball of people meat
Shalden: i fork a chunk out of it, like you fork a ham steak
you fish Gustav out of it!
i’m knocked out, and fail my first death save
fortunately, i landed face up, so i don’t have to roll to avoid drowning!
Shalden luckily lands the final blow just then, the thing melts, the pool fills with blood, and the illusion begins to fade. everything is on fire now
the mansion goes up in flames, but we manage to get out mostly intact. Shalden does get hit by basically every single piece of falling debris tho
there’s a voice behind us
it’s a lightly accented masculine voice
it's the dude from the cult figurine!
he’s suave and hot and has dark shoulder-length curly hair
he brushes Shalden’s cheek and he instantly regains 10hp
useless lesbian, new 5e background option
it’s strahd! he’d like to welcome us to barovia
he’s having a bit of a . . . party . . . at his “humble abode” and would like to invite us
i’m gonna take that invitation like “yes sir”
strahd also wants me to hand over my bag, which has the cat in it
he gives Snowflake some scritches while explaining how he doesn’t like cats
and then he throws my bag into the middle of the house fire!
[don't worry Snowflake escaped the bag]
he [Snowflake] is running, on fire, through a town built out of very flammable materials
poor mister Snowflake, who i am carrying like a baby
we are able to find the burgermeister’s house to deliver his body
it looks like someone has climbed over the wall and walked through the roses, repeatedly
the door of the mansion is closed
should we knock? maybe they’re friendly and will let us stay with them for the night
i bet that flesh creature felt like this piece of brie
he opens the door, looks at us, then looks at the body, and goes, “ah. again." this is apparently the fourth time his father's body has gone missing.
he is called Ismark, Ismark the Lesser
we deposit the body in a coffin in the office
Ismark: do you drink? / Cerris: yes. please.
Ismark goes to get us a 25 year vintage
as we’re chilling, a dagger flies at Shalden from the hallway
a woman comes running down the hall accusing him of working with Strahd bc, ya know, inhuman
why are you purple?
oh my god karen, you can’t just ask someone why they’re purple
this is racist
Ismark: these aren’t Strahd’s men; they’re half dead! he wouldn’t send people this incompentent. besides, they brought Father back
Ireena is Uncertain about us
come on, he’s only a half-orc, that means he’s only half-stupid
this has been out of context campaign notes part II.
~thank you~
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Mars through the houses: Where you draw energy from Pt.1
Hello my peoples, so I have been doing a ton of research on this and I still feel like I don't know everything so forgive me if there are inaccuracies, I'm trying my best and would love to hear your thoughts on this. 😊
So as we all know Mars is the planet of action and as such rules over your physical energy. With this info we can see where we draw energy from and how to maintain it to avoid burnout if that makes sense.
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
Mars in 1st House: In the house of self-identity Mars is definitely the most familiar with it's surroundings. Energy is drawn from the self, therefore putting yourself first, taking time to do what you want to how you want to, winning in competitive areas because you are the best. Self-improvement and being your badass self is a sure way to boost those energy levels. Also fire, like you guys probs feel most alive around a bonfire, fireplace or even tons of candles.🔥
Mars in 2nd House: It's no secret that you guys are driven and even aggressive in the money making department and attaining luxury. Boosting your energy is as simple as going out for some good old fashioned retail therapy. Establishing multiple income channels, wise money management and spending/treating yourself are definite ways to secure those good vibes. But not everyone can always go spending at evey corner, thus surrounding yourself with beautiful things are also ways to get your energies going. Art gallery visits and window shopping could be something you might enjoy.💝
Mars in 3rd House: This house and mental stimulation *snaps fingers* is it for you. You vibe and even thrive in settings where the exchange of ideas, expressing your thoughts, trying new things and learning new skills and topics are a key feature. You are v v likely to enjoy a good debate (keyword being debate, not argument). Additionally short travels and switching up your immediate environment could rejuvenate your burnt-out soul. So please go ahead and plan that weekend getaway, it's good for you!!! 🌃
Mars in 4th House: First of all. WOW. Super intense/strong emotions...this is like the main source of energy for these people, but once the emotions/passions die down you don't feel like going through with what was started. Energy is likely regained through a sense of independence from your family or from being your own household authority. If you feel burnt out maybe talking with your mother or a motherly figure could give you what you need to push on. Energy can also be gained by doing home based activities and projects that range from cooking, gardening or even renovation and diy. 👨👨👧👦🏘
Mars in 5th House: My peoples with this placement know that the vibes are high when you feel good about yourself and being the center of attention. I mean, who doesn't like having their ego stroked every now and again. Energy is additionally sourced from letting out your inner-child, following your creative pursuits and being on your A-game when going out for a few flirts and a freshened body count (i'm talking lovers not corpses). Overall, being the life of the party is where you get your energetic high. 💞💞💞
Mars in 6th House: With this placement you'll be the most at ease with a stable routine and living a healthy lifestyle. Having a good work-life balance and taking time to reflect for healing can help raise your energy. Being of service to others and being appreciated for the work you do also add to this...so listen here hardworking peoples, I appreciate you. Also, if you have a pet then pls cuddle them because not only do they deserve it, but this is another way for you to just build up a bit more of your physical energy so you can continue being your wonderful hardworking self.🤗
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
There will be a part 2 eventually, but for now I hope you enjoyed and pls let me know what you think and if i did good. Love you my peoples.
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if the rfa had youtube channels, what would they be posting?
This is going to be so much fun oml. I know exactly what to do. So buckle up 👁👁
Reblogs are highly appreciated. :)
RFA on YouTube
Includes: Zen, Yoosung, Jaehee, Jumin, Seven, V, Rika.
Warnings -> (N/A)
Type: Headcanons.
Zen:
✧ Zenny’s Tips & Tricks ✧
His channel is mainly about himself, as anyone would guess.
But at the same time, they’re actually helpful and fun to watch. He’s been crowned the “big bro” of YouTube.
Beauty tips: How to wash your face properly and the right products to use, the perfect shampoo and conditioners, how to keep yourself from aging...
Zen will also do tons of reviews and sponsorships.
Whenever he’s not talking about beauty, here comes the tricks.
Acting tricks: How to pick your monologues, the right volume to use within the theatre, how to use your expressions, the red flags in theatre...
Even if you aren’t interested in those, he always makes the videos enjoyable to learn from.
The occasional fancams here and there...
“It’s not weird to show your own fancams, right?”
Yoosung:
⭑ Yoosung Games ⭑
Of course he’d be a gamer channel.
Streams on Twitch and then edits the videos for YouTube the next day.
He has the whole set up too - the gaming chair, headphones, glowing keyboard, etc.
One of the best LOLOL streamers out there, but he also tries new games.
The occasional conspiracy theory videos.
Yoosung often streams with other players too and has his own little circle.
Really kicked off when he tried out Minecraft survival mode.
Would probably be one of those yelling/screaming type streamers...
“The enderman looked scary, okay!!”
Pure of heart, dumb of ass.
Out of request, would probably do some challenges like Try Not to Laugh or Simulator challenges.
CrankGameplays vibes...
Overall a very loved YouTuber and slowly growing in subscribers.
Jaehee:
❊ Jaehee Kang ❊
A very casual YouTuber.
Doesn’t really open up an account until she has her café.
Vlogging about her day is her main source of content.
There are a few videos with tips about creating a business and marketing, as well as what all she did to get there.
Shows off her coffee skills with her morning scenes.
If it’s a slow day for Jaehee, she’ll film herself working with soft music playing in the background that viewers can listen to with her.
Occasionally streams for Q&A sessions and to just talk with her subscribers.
Relationship videos with MC.
Hair updates because she’s excited about it growing out!!
A very loved and relaxing account. Who could hate her.
“Mom of YouTube.”
Jumin:
- (=•́ܫ•̀=) Jumin Han (=•́ܫ•̀=)
A business related channel.
Everyone asks about the cat faces in his name.
He doesn’t answer. (Was put in by Luciel)
Focuses his content on how to run a business and what it’s like for a CEO.
Doesn’t post too often - predominately takes requests when someone has a question about his work.
Will use the account to upload something professionally and send over in meetings.
If given the chance, will talk for a good 30 minutes about one simple thing. No editing either.
One time, Jumin made a video about the Dark Arts and magic he learned from his book. Everyone asked what that was about.
He didn’t answer.
Almost always has Elizabeth the Third with him in his videos too.
“Everyone must see her beauty at all times, don’t you think?”
Seven:
♛ Defender of Justice ♛
People usually call him Seven or Luciel in his videos, though.
Because he can’t show his identity to the world, he’s a masked YouTuber. (Also the reason why Saeran doesn’t create a channel.)
Think channels like Corpse, SwaggerSouls, or Dream.
Plays along with Yoosung in his games and is part of that little circle.
Will occasionally stream but relies more on videos he can edit.
Lots of cool effects in his videos - the intro is never skipped by anyone.
He tried being a VTuber once. Nearly cancelled for catfishing.
When he’s not gaming with Yoosung, Seven is mainly doing reviews on materialistic things.
Probably cars, inventions, recent technology, and giving info about them.
He’s a super mysterious YouTuber because no one knows anything about him. No one can find anything if they tried.
Everyone loves his humor though and how accepting he is to his fans.
V:
✎ Jihyun Arts ✎
Creates his channel after his route.
Will post tutorials, speedpaints, reviews, and look at his subscribers art to compliment them.
Very slow with updating his videos but makes up for it with the length. (Average 15-20 minutes.)
Everyone loves to put his videos on in the background since his voice is really soothing. Especially when he’s painting very quietly.
There are a few videos where he teaches certain techniques with both photography and painting, like lighting and settings.
As a photographer, it was hard to clearly see feedback on his works or talk with fans. Thankfully, YouTube changed that.
It took him a while to ease into it, but he loves engaging with subscribers and asks questions on social media all the time.
Reshares any and all artwork made for him to give his honest opinions, which are all lovely.
Somehow shipped with Jumin by fans.
Rika:
☼ Kim Rika ☼
Posts twice a week with a mixture of content.
Occasionally promotes the RFA and charity work as a leader.
But on other times when there are no parties coming up, she does story times.
With parties and planning around famous (and infamous) guests, she’s bound to have a few interesting stories she can say publicly.
Like how nice Rui is in donating his photographs, or the time she slipped up and said the wrong thing to Chef Lamsey.
They’re all in good fun and typically a drama free channel.
Sometimes will vlog herself when preparing for parties and making trips to gather the things needed.
Lots of cute effects and stays within a very warm theme in all her thumbnails.
Just like Jihyun, she’s one of those channels where people play her videos in the background to simply listen to her voice.
Most likely has a line of merch, all sun and daffodil related.
PHEW that’s a lot of characters. Hope this is what you had in mind! ^^
- 💙
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One Possible Read of The Green Knight
I say one possible, because this is the story as I understood it as I was watching the film. When I mentioned it to my partner, he didn't take that away. I'm not saying my take on it is right or wrong (I think it's hard to say that about most reads for a movie like this), but I submit it for your consideration.
(Spoilers and a fairly thorough plot summary under the cut)
(Holy moly this got long)
A brief caveat:
Caveat the First: I'm basing this off a pre-existing understanding of medieval stories, which don't necessarily follow the same narrative structures as modern ones. The world they lived in was weird, so sometimes weird shit just happened for no reason, often very conveniently. (If anything, I think this movie did less of that than existed in typical medieval stories.) They also heavily relied on archetypes rather than distinct characters with backstories, as well as a pre-established understanding of the story you're listening to. Like the puppet show that shows up in the story, the kids in the audience had already heard the story enough times that they could follow it without any actual words. On that note, I've also read a version of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.
Caveat the Second: I immediately distrust anybody who talks about any story older than three centuries or so having an "original" version. There are some stories that have distinct authors, but often these stories were retold and rewritten to suit the tastes of their latest audience. So I refer to the version I read, not "the original". I take my reading of that story into my interpretation of what I saw. I'll note the details from the version I read where it's relevant.
The Story
We start with Gawain, King Arthur's nephew, waking up in a brothel with his sex worker lady friend. She sends him on his way back home to Camelot where his mother greets him and kindly asks him where he's been all night. Oh, off at Christmas Mass, naturally, is what he tells her. She counters that clearly he's been drinking all the communion wine, because she can smell it on his breath.
She tells him she's not feeling well, so he should go to the Christmas celebration without her and tell her all about it afterward.
[I don't recall hearing her name in the movie, but in the version I read, the Green Knight is sent by Morgana. Between his mother being described in dialogue as Arthur's sister and a known witch, I'm gonna run with that assumption and call her that.]
This is where my reading diverges: I take all of this as being almost entirely Morgana's story. And from her perspective, it's kind of hilarious. Because this isn't the story of Gawain's journey into Manhood, but of a very frustrated mother's attempts to save her beloved (if disappointing) son.
While Gawain is partying with the sickly King Arthur and the knights of the Round Table, Morgana joins three of her fellow witches and they enact a spell, summoning the Green Knight and a very specifically worded challenge. The Green Knight presents a game: any one person in attendance may injure him and get his badass axe as a prize, but in a year exactly he'll have to go to the Green Knight's chapel and allow the Green Knight to return the exact same blow to him.
Arthur says he wants to do it, but acknowledges he's too sickly to do so. Gawain, already embarrassed once at this party, jumps up and volunteers to be his champion. And when he steps into the ring with the Green Knight, he cuts off his opponent's head. He'd think that was the end of it, but the Green Knight just picks up his severed head, reminds him of the deal to bring the axe back and let himself get beheaded in a year, and leaves.
[In the version I read, this was a ploy on Morgana's part just to freak out Guinevere. Seriously, that was the entirety of it. Just fucking with her rival/sister-in-law.]
In the movie, I got the vibe that Gawain was never meant to be in the line of fire. I suspect that either Arthur or one of his knights was meant to be the Green Knight's opponent, who would die after a year to get his affairs in order. Given that Gawain was Arthur's next-of-kin, that would have given him plenty of time to pass the crown to Morgana's beloved son. Unfortunately, Gawain stepping up messed up her whole plan.
During the intervening year, we see Morgana and the other witches working together to weave the Girdle of Invulnerability. As the name suggests, it's laden with magic to protect him from all harm and all blows from anyone. So long as he wears it, she explains, he'll make it home in one piece.
[In the version I read, the girdle is given to him by another woman later on at a weirdly convenient time. More on that later.]
Gawain barely makes it out when he asks directions from a young man looting the corpses on a recent battlefield. Being the idiot that he is, Gawain takes the young man's directions straight into a trap, where the young man and several other bandits are lying in wait. Despite his mother's assurances that he's invulnerable, he stands down immediately, allowing the bandits to take the Green Knight's axe, his Magic Girdle, all his money, all his supplies, etc.
During all this, three things happen: first, we see A Fox. Second, when the bandit takes the axe he goes all weird and runs off on the horse, forcing the other bandits to chase after him and leaving Gawain unobserved. Third, we get a weird vision of the future where Gawain remains where he is, tied up, until he rots away and he's left nothing but a skeleton.
My read is that The Fox is either Morgana or one of the other witches shapeshifted to keep an eye on him (alternatively, the fox is Reynard or a similar magical creature employed by them for the same purpose.) The Fox then enchants the bandit into running off with the Girdle and the Axe, leaving Gawain relatively safe. And when he fails to do anything with this spectacular opportunity, the Fox gives him the vision of what's gonna happen to him if he just waits around to be rescued.
Prompted to action, Gawain manages to free himself and continues his quest on foot. Eventually he comes across an abandoned manor. Inside, he meets a ghost who asks him to retrieve her severed head, which was thrown into the nearby spring. After some hemming and hawing, he does. When he returns to the surface with the woman's skull, the ghost is gone, but the Fox is watching him.
My take is that the ghost disappeared. They do that. The Fox, being sent to watch him, saw him actually step up and do a brave and selfless thing for once. This is what cements to the Fox that Gawain isn't a perennial fuckup, he's able to grow and mature if he's given the chance.
Gawain returns the skull to the rest of the ghost's skeleton, and he's rewarded by regaining his lost axe. (The axe placed there by the Fox, who took it from the enchanted bandit.)
So this is great, right? Gawain's fuck-upery has been cured and he's doing the responsible thing. Yay, right?
Except he's a fuckup who spends more time drinking and hanging out in brothels than doing Knightly stuff, so he doesn't know basics. Like how to start a fire or get food. Offscreen, Morgana must have been bashing her head into a wall, because her beloved son is going to get himself killed.
The Fox appears to him, and after his initial attempt to drive it off, Gawain lets it stay with him. From this point forward it stays by his side, not-so-subtly giving him directions and keeping him generally safe.
Later we meet some giants, because sometimes there are just giants. We don't question these things in Arthurian fantasy. Gawain asks them to give him a ride to his destination, but when one agrees to help him, he freaks out at the last second and refuses. The Fox speaks to the giant, quite possibly apologizing for its very rude human friend, and the giants go on their way without him.
Gawain is most of the way there by now, but it's late December in Wales, he's super cold and hasn't eaten anything but trippy mushrooms, he can't build a fire, he's been walking for days. He collapses, but the Fox urges him to go a little further and leads him to another manor house. Fortunately for him, this manor has living people in it, who clean him up, put him in a warm bed, and give him food.
We get a dreamy scene where he's being tended by his mother before he wakes up in the care of the manor. My read on it was that this manor and the people in it were sent directly by Morgana to save him. I don't think the manor was even there ten seconds before he collapsed the first time. Because Morgana loves her son, but he is REALLY bad at this.
Notably, it seems that the only people here are the Lord and Lady of the manor, as well as a blind old woman who seems to be the lady's maidservant and/or mother? Hard to tell.
Some flirting happens between Gawain and the Lord and Lady. The Lord of the manor explains that conveniently, Gawain's destination is only one day's walk away and he's several days early, so why not take some time to rest and gather his strength. The Lady shows off her library and her fancy daguerreotype-like mechanism, etc. The Lord suggests another game (mirroring the game presented by the Green Knight) : the Lord will go hunting the next day and give Gawain whatever he catches. Gawain will in return give the Lord whatever he gains throughout the day.
[In the version I read, this happens over the course of three days. Each day the Lord leaves, the Lady tries to seduce Gawain but he refuses, only accepting a kiss from her on the first two days; when the Lord returns with a hunted animal each day, Gawain gives him the kiss that the Lady gave him. On the third day, the Lady also gives Gawain a previously-unmentioned enchanted Girdle of Invincibility, which he neglects to pass along to the Lord, opting just to kiss him instead.]
In the movie, this is condensed into only one day. Gawain wakes up with the Lady creepily watching him sleep, wearing the Girdle of Invincibility that Morgana made for him. She invites him into bed and offers him the Girdle, reminding him that it can render him invincible. The scene gets a bit weird after that-- sex acts of some sort ensue, and the Lady walks away, leaving Gawain with post-coital shame and the Girdle.
Upset, Gawain grabs his stuff and makes to leave. Along the way he runs into the Lord in the middle of his hunt, and he declares that he's going to meet the Green Knight a day early. Citing their game, the Lord presents Gawain with The Fox (who is alive despite having been caught by a hunter, hmmm) and requests Gawain's "winnings" in return-- which he claims by stealing a kiss. I dunno about you, but it seemed to me that Gawain was Into It, at least before he remembers to be freaked out and runs off.
He's nearly at the place where he's to meet the Green Knight when the fox stops him. Now it starts talking, its voice shifting from masculine to feminine. It tells him that he's done a great job, and he can turn back right now and go home and nobody will know but the two of them. He doesn't have to go through with this. But Gawain, determined to fulfil his quest, drives the Fox off once again and goes the last bit alone.
Here he meets the Green Knight in the ruins of an old chapel, though because he's early the Green Knight is little more than a statue, awake but unmoving until the appointed Christmas Day. All the while Gawain just has to sit there and stew in the knowledge that he's gonna die. Finally the Green Knight stirs, asks Gawain if he's ready to die, and readies the axe that Gawain returned to him.
Throughout this, the light hits the Green Knight differently, making him look an awful lot like the Lord of the manor. After Gawain flinches away from the axe the first time, he speaks gently to him, almost tenderly.
[In the version I read, the Green Knight and the Lord of the manor are the same person, and the Lord/Knight is aware of Gawain's magic Girdle, because this was all an elaborate ruse. Because of Gawain's invincibility, the Green Knight only scratches his neck, permanently scarring him as punishment for lying about it and cheating in both their games, but doesn't hold it against him. Gawain then returns to Camelot and they keep the Girdle at the round table as a symbol that all of them have their failings.]
In the movie, Gawain flinches one more time. We then get a second very lengthy vision of an alternate future: Gawain flees the Green Knight and returns home, where he's welcomed back without external consequences. However, he's haunted by his own cowardice, giving up a difficult love in favor of living up to expectation, only to lose everything in the end anyway. His life following the cowardly route was longer, but it wasn't a better life.
He stops the Green Knight one last time, only to remove the Girdle and set it aside before declaring himself ready. The Green Knight is genuinely pleased by this, and he leans in and simply traces a finger over Gawain's throat, before happily saying. "Off with your head."
The movie ends there. Whether the Green Knight leaves him alive or kills him is up for interpretation. But even if the Green Knight wasn't on Morgana's payroll, I feel like he's way too fond of Gawain to do him real harm at this point.
And so Gawain has grown up-- he's brave, he's honorable, he's learned to keep his word and face the consequences of his actions. And Morgana, after some major struggles and a lot of called-in favors, has managed to keep her son from dying on his quest. Victory all around.
There's also an after-credits scene: just a little girl playing with Arthur/Gawain's crown. Notably, this little girl is neither of the children Gawain had in his vision of the cowardly future, so I interpreted it as a new future with a new child with potential all their own.
But that's just my take.
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🎃 Tales of Terror 🎃
[M.B. is my Cadetsona OC, M.J. belongs to @sleepy-heads-blog, Sean and Nyarly belong to @drusb]
---
[Sitting inside a large, makeshift tent, decorated with twinkling lights and soft blankets, M.B., Geek, and M.J. are taking turns telling scary stories for a Halloween-themed sleepover party.]
M.J.: "... and then, when the candles flickered out, there in the darkness appeared the skinless man, crying out, 'Flesh! My flesh! Give me my flesh!'"
[Ending his story, M.J. pauses in his dramatic pose. Geek and M.B. applaud and he bows.]
M.B.: "Wow, lil' dude, I'm impressed! Did you make that up all by yourself?"
M.J.: "Eh... sorta."
Geek: "Of course he didn't. He got that from one of his comics."
[M.J. sticks his tongue out mockingly at Geek. Geek does the same back.]
M.B.: "Either way, it was pretty good."
M.J.: "Your illusions helped make it even scarier. It's like watching our own movies!"
[M.B. swirls her hands, playing with the magical aura that surrounds them.]
M.B.: "I figured it would be a lot of interesting. Plus, I'm a bit of a visual person myself."
Geek: "Alright, M.J.'s had his turn. Now, it's yours, M.B."
M.J.: "Oooh, I know she's got something truly awesome to tell!"
M.B.: "Alright, the story I'm going to tell you is actually one of my own works. I wrote it years ago, but I don't know a lot of it. So, I'll be making stuff up as I go. Okay, here it goes."
[M.B. gathers her hands together and raises them up, projecting another "screen" for Geek and M.J. to watch. M.B. begins her tale.]
M.B.: "A long time ago, there was once a beautiful maiden who lived in a far away country. She was not only beautiful, but she was the most gorgeous woman in her town. People would flaunt to her - friends, family, travelers - to visit her. As much as she adored the attention, it was the suitors she could not handle. Every time a man would meet her, she would dismiss them, for she believed that no one could ever deserve her. The maiden was vain and prideful, not just for her looks but also her upper class status. She would mock the suitors, insult them in every way. To her, she deserves the creme de la creme of life's luxuries and privileges, including partners. One day, the country was swept up by a sudden plague and many lives were taken. The people pleaded for aid to the maiden, but she refused, for she realized that six of her suitors were the ones who were suffering. And so, one by one, they all met a grotesque and grisly fate. When the plague passed, a foreign visitor came into the country. The visitor was a very handsome gentleman, dressed in black, from the same upper class as the maiden was. He was a musician - an opera singer - and the maiden immediately became enamored. Soon, the maiden and the musician grew fond of each other and, at long last, a romance had blossomed. They were so in love with each other that they soon got married. But the maiden's joy was short-lived. After their wedding day, the musician had a surprise for his new wife. He told her to wait for him by their wedding bed, for he had planned something very special for her. She complies, and when she does, darkness suddenly surrounded her. Frightened, she went to open the door, but it was locked! She then went to open the balcony door to escape the dark. Instead of an escape, she is met by a tall, white skeleton, serenading a haunting melody. Surrounding him were six, plague-ridden suitors, all staring down at her with empty eye sockets. She soon realized that she had married Death himself. Death, dressed in black, announced to her that he had come to avenge the souls she had left behind. He places her on the wedding bed and allowed each tortured suitor to take what they find most beautiful. The first took her hands, for he loved how they would gracefully weave and play the harp. The second took her scalp and hair, for he loved how golden it would become under the sunlight. The third took her legs, for he loved seeing her dance. The fourth took her flesh, for he loved how soft and flawless it looked. The fifth took her eyes, for he loved how they would glisten like precious diamonds. The sixth took her heart, for he loved to one day cherish her as his bride for all his days. When morning came, all was left was a mutilated corpse, put on display on the balcony for the whole country to see."
[M.B. ends her story with a ghastly image of the maiden's corpse on the projected screen. She lets it stay still for a moment. Geek and M.J. watch silently. Then the corpse jumps at them, letting out an agonizing, blood-curdling scream. Geek and M.J. jolt back with a yelp. Then the lights suddenly go out! Everyone panics until the lights flicker back on. Laughter erupts from outside their tent. M.J. unfolds the entrance to find Sean and Nyarly laughing at them.]
M.J.: *slightly annoyed* "Uncle Sean! Uncle Nyarly!"
Sean: *mockingly* "Ha ha, gotcha!"
Nyarly: "It was his idea!"
Geek: "How long were you two out there?"
Nyarly: "Oh, for a good few minutes."
Sean: "Yeah, we were just listening in on the story. A woman who gets her body parts taken by the dead? That's kinda sick."
M.B.: "It's an old story of mine. Did kinda change a lot of stuff though."
Geek: "How do you come up with stuff like that?"
M.B.: "Mortal Kombat, slasher films, Crypt TV, and also some history lessons. You know, that kind of stuff."
Nyarly: "Well, I hope you guys are finished, because we just made some Rice Krispy S'mores! Don't wanna waste any of them, so help yourselves."
[Geek and M.J. climb out of the tent and M.B. follows behind to the kitchen.]
M.J.: "Hey, Miss M.B.? I don't know if this is intentional, but I've noticed a bit of a theme to your stories."
M.B.: "Hm?"
M.J.: "Well, they're very romantic. Despite having some scary stuff in them, they all have this very... um... well, romantic vibe to them."
M.B.: "Well, admittedly, it is kinda on brand with what I'm into. I mean, hell, I like to watch Dracula films, listening to love songs written by London After Midnight and The Mission, and my favorite fairy tale is Beauty and the Beast."
Geek: "Wow, how very Goth of you, M.B. Does this also mean you like blood red roses too?"
M.B.: "Come on, Geek, I'm not that predictab-- oh fine, yes, I do." *jokingly* "To add to that, I also like long walks in the graveyard."
Geek: "Mm-hm, I thought so."
M.J.: "Sure, it's predictable, but it's pretty cool! It's not every day we get to meet someone like you. And that's coming from someone who has an eldritch being as an uncle."
M.B.: *chuckles and pats his head* "Thanks, lil dude."
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all of mcr’s songs ranked out of ten based on whether or not you can strip to them:
romance: could work if you were going for a Super Melancholy smiths-esque vibe but overall too slow and pretty. 1/10
honey: headbanger soundtrack to showcase your revenge body to ur ex. bonus points for underlying ‘gonna murder shitty boyfriend’ context thanks to audition-inspired video. but slightly too angry to be seductive. 5/10
vampires: too goth, too many feelings. reminds me of pot dreads frank. would not work. 0/10
drowning lessons: this song is cursed and cannot be listened to in public unfortunately 0/10
sorrows: if u were going to do a strip routine while beating the shit out of someone for trying to stealing ur tip money this would be a gr8 choice 6/10
halos: it’s about blowing your own head off and taking too many pills to cope w/ wanting to die all the time. 0/10
turnstiles: please do not!!! strip!!! to a song!!! about 9/11!!!! what is wrong w/ you!!! -100000000/10
monroeville: if u were doing a private lil strip dance for your george a. romero-obsessed s.o. where u both cry over the idea of having to kill the other person b/c they turned into a zombie then sure??? but other than that no. .5/10
best day ever: ehhhhhh. too fast. kinda weird to get sexy to unless u have a hospital kink. 0/10
cubicles: wow the thought of doing a strip routine to a song about pining for ur coworker who doesn’t know u exist is too sad to even joke about -20/10
demolition lovers: it’s a long song but it’s got cool tempo changes for variety and if u got the stamina then go for it. 4/10
helena: so, like, i get it. it’s a bop. u could dance to this beat for sure. the costumes and color scheme from the video make for gr8 stage pictures and the dancing corpse lady is v pretty. i could understand why if u were doing an emo strip routine u would want to use helena. but please for the love of all that is holy do NOT strip to a song gerard way wrote about his dead grandmother okay i am BEGGING you -∞/10
give ‘em hell kid: FUCK YEAH YOU LOOK PRETTY WALKIN DOWN THE STREET IN THE BEST DAMN DRESS U OWN. 10/10
to the end: this would be a hilarious choice for a bachelor party ngl 7/10 for that alone
prison: absolutely you could strip to this song but u gotta COMMIT okay u gotta light something on fire onstage and challenge gender norms while screaming your head off 8/10 but only if ur not a coward
i’m not okay: it’s a bop, but can u strip to it? no. 0/10
ghost of you: mikey way did not die on a beach in fake normandy for u to strip to ghost of you. seek help -5/10
jetset life: dude this song like. actually works??? for a strip routine??? so long as you don’t actually listen to the words, from a musical perspective, u could totally strip to this 10/10
interlude: what kinda weird catholic shame kink do u need to have to strip to this song. also it’s too short and too pretty. -5/10 (unless ur into catholic shame idk)
venom: this would require such a high energy routine but if u can make being sweaty work then this is a gr8 choice 7/10
hang ‘em high: this is a BATSHIT INSANE choice for a strip routine but if u want to do it then PLEASE do. i like ur style. 8/10
deathwish: u can strip to this only if u introduce ur routine by dedicating it to everyone who ever said eyeliner on dudes was gay. 5/10
cemetery drive: i think not. 0/10
never told you: if u are a highly theatrical highly murderous stripper then yes definitely 7/10
desert song: this song is Way Too Beautiful to strip to sorry you can’t have it -300/10
the end.: the only sexy thing about this song is how good gerard’s voice sounds so no. 0/10
dead!: this is a bold fucking choice but u have to play your cards just right. high risk high reward but SO much to potentially get wrong 6/10
how i disappear: u could. but why. 2/10
sharpest lives: holy SHIT yes ABSOLUTELY u should strip to sharpest lives. the drama. the beat. the spy rock guitar that frank accidentally nailed. this is one of THE choicest options from their catalog. why aren’t u stripping to this right now 50000000/10
wttbp: cute idea but don’t actually 0/10
i don’t love you: again, a bold fucking choice. u could strip to this in an edgy, meta sort of way but it’s missing the trashy factor so it’d have to be part performance art and part strip routine. if ur into that then totally 5/10
house of wolves: i mean i would pay money to see someone strip to this song so 7/10
cancer: LMAO YIKES -2000000/10
mama: this would be GLORIOUS if u fully embraced the sheer insanity and went Bonkers in Fuckin Zonkers burlesque-show-in-hell w/ it. 100/10 but u gotta pound the floor wailing at some point
sleep: i’m conflicted on this one like on the one hand it’s a good tempo for stripping but on the other hand it’s a song about being cruel to ur loved ones in order to force distance between u and them b/c you’re terrified of them getting hurt and it being all your fault. so maybe don’t strip to this one actually 0/10
teenagers: a bop w/ a great beat and fun costume ideas from the video but two major drawbacks being 1. ur getting naked to a song about teenagers which is uhhhh sort of Inappropriate and 2. it’s kind of also about school shooters which is also Inappropriate to get naked to. 0/10
disenchanted: why would u want this. you sad fuck. idek what to say except if you want to strip to this song i’m crying on your behalf -100000000/10
famous last words: don’t????? don’t. Do Not. stop that. -12/10
blood: this is HILARIOUS omg please strip to blood 10/10
kill all your friends: sure?? no objections but it’s an odd choice. this goes for the demo too. 2/10
heaven help us: if u want to strip to this then you definitely just read unholyverse for the first time and while u are valid, Don’t 0/10
my way home is through you: not an especially sexy song but it’s fun!! you do you 3/10
astro zombies (cover): uhhhhhh it’s a no from me dawg. i’d be thinking about danzig, like, the whole time. 0/10
desolation row: sure but u gotta be willing to get punched in the face by the riot squad for maximum effect 4/10
common people (cover): just b/c gerard would strip to britpop doesn’t mean u can. 0/10
emily: NO!!!! -50000/10
party at the end of the world: nah. 0/10
not that kind of girl: literally please consider the subject matter of this song and rethink ur life choices. -10/10
all the angels: it’s a cool song but don’t strip to it that’s weird -2/10
jack the ripper: you and the person who wants to strip to astro zombies can go sit in the suicidegirls corner together how about that. 0/10
na na na: a banger!! strip away my friend 9/10
bulletproof heart: a good song but not a strip song 1/10
sing: sorry this song is [REDACTED] it gets no score
planetary (go!): you could try to strip to this but it’s such a classic four-on-the-floor that i think you’d end up just regular dancing to it and forget to be sexy so 4/10
the only hope for me is you: are you doing a strip tease for michael bay. stop. put ur shirt back on shia lebeouf 0/10
party poison: like this is a hilarious option and i support you but realistically it’s pretty fast for a strip song 3/10
save yourself, i’ll hold them back: this is a safe option. Too Safe. almost soulless. a person who’d strip to this would avoid eye contact the entire time and never smile and later when you went out for a smoke break you’d overhear them on the phone with their ex arguing over child support payments. 4/10
s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w: the more i think about it the more fun the idea of stripping to this becomes so i say go for it 6/10
summertime: i’m Certain that gerard would prefer if you didn’t -5/10
destroya: is this objectively the best mcr song to strip to? Absolutely. it’s got everything you could possibly want right down to built-in moans and fever dream drums. but the only person in the universe who Can Must and Should strip to this song is gerard. sorry them’s the breaks. ∞/10 but only if you’re gerard way
kids from yesterday: don’t. 0/10
vampire money: 100% yes you should strip to this. bonus points for stealth twilight references 1000000/10
we don’t need another song about california: do i like this song? yes. is it sexy? no. 0/10
black dragon fighting society: i can’t understand what the FUCK gerard is saying in this song AT ALL so i can’t recommend that u strip to it b/c i have no fucking idea what it’s ABOUT 0/10
f.t.w.w.w.: i mean. this song is about eating pussy. and robots that are built specifically to fuck. so yes you can strip to this but you gotta dress up like a pornbot 100/10
mastas of ravencroft: again i cannot understand most of the fucking words and the ones i do understand are something something RICKETY BONES RICKETY HANDS so like. probably not the one 0/10
boy division: i could go either way on this one like it’s really fast but it’s also about cocaine so??? 3/10
tomorrow’s money: while this song slaps overall violent nihilism does not a strip song make 1/10
ambulance: no. 0/10
gun.: antiwar messages are sexy but not the right kind for stripping 1/10
the world is ugly: PLEASE no. 0/10
the light behind your eyes: oh my god this is so DEPRESSING why would you want to strip to this who hurt you -2000000/10
kiss the ring: yes yes yes it’s got built-in audience participation conceit factor if u let ur audience kiss ur ring, totally works 10/10
make room!!!: again, slaps, but not a strip song 1/10
surrender the night: dude we talked about this!!! dying violently w/ ur loved ones is Not Sexy!!! 0/10
burn bright: i guess you could strip to this but again it’s Too Safe tread carefully 3/10
fake your death: i want frank iero to strip to this song so i can throw tomatoes at him for being a LYING SACK OF SHIT FOR TWO YEARS i’m not gonna rate this one but frank if ur out there i have a basket of slightly squishy heirloom tomatoes and i am COMING FOR YOU
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