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jwut · 7 years

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why am I like this why am I like this

why do I constantly give and give and give to people who just take and take and take and just call me horrible things and say horrible things to and about me and then go even further and lie to try to make me look worse?? I don’t understand. I woke up yesterday to the sound of my sister and her best friend yelling and arguing and then I heard my sister running and then a loud crash and then she started screaming and I immediately jumped up went to the stairs, saw her screaming in pain on the stairs and immediately jumped into action got pillows for her, her foot/ankle, got ice packs, got blankets bc she started getting cold, got water, loaded a bowl even offered one of my personal emergency cigarettes and also even offered her my emergency oxy which i changed my mind and kept bc i gave her 2 of my xans and she took a bunch of her own and other stuff I don’t even know and then was asking me to ask my dad if she could have one of his lortabs like really anyway and this was my one day off by the way, and I had already agreed to take her to her tax appointment and this happened so of course i have to help her do everything get up the stairs go to the bathroom change and the whole time im helping her scrambling to make preparations to get her into my car and stuff and shes taking selfies and posting on snapchat the whole time like dude we’re already late for your tax appointment this is the last day and then after I have to take you to the hospital anyway so like wtf anyway finally after she calls and reschedules her tax appointment for an hour later and we finally go, everyone is so nice and caring and helpful and shes just rude to everyone and always has an attitude and is just so short and rude and loud to them and ugh anyway after that’s finally done after an hour and I have no gas in my truck okay and I’ve literally already been catering to her every need and shes like “can you google places that take walk ins that don’t have insurance like where am I supposed to go” my sister just turned 28. She’s five years older than me. And she’s asking me where is she supposed to go that is cheap and will take her without insurance. While I’m already driving her and she’s in the passenger seat. like. so I tell her I have no idea she has to figure it out herself dude I’ve never even broken a bone okay anyway we go to UMC or whatever and like that whole thing itself is another story of me having to be her fucking mother and do everything for her and then she’s telling me she wants me to drive 30 minutes to Northtown okay, not the best area, go to her random friend’s house, some guy I’ve never even heard her mention before, to get painkillers and crutches for her. Unbelievable. Anyway after a million years of waiting she’s seen by the doctor and everything and we’re leaving and I still have no gas okay and they gave her a prescription so we had to go fill it and she only goes to the walmart pharmacy or whatever okay cool I ask, “when do they close?” so that I can see if I have time to get gas or if I just have to go straight to the pharmacy and she doesn’t say anything so I look it up, they close at 9 okay I start driving to walmart and she freaks out bc she was trying to call the other pharmacy to see if they could transfer something I don’t even know okay and idk literally she just always has a bad attitude and whenever she has to do anything herself or something doesn’t go how she wants, she just gets upset and awful and just horrible to even be around like i’ve been helping her all goddamn day it’s 8:30 at night dude I haven’t eaten all day, didn’t get to do my laundry or chores that I wanted to do on my day off and she always has to make a big scene so that other people think I’m so horrible to her fuck anyway she was rude to the walmart people she was in there for almost an hour, didn’t get her script, I have to go in and help her go to the bathroom and all this stuff all this stuff whatever she’s rude the whole time and expects me to stop and get her cigarettes and all this other stuff anyway finally after I had already cried and called my mom and told her I’m bringing Britt home and not helping her anymore I can’t do it, we’re on the way home and idk we saw this horrible accident happen like we saw the whole thing it was rpetty intense and actually really crazy but she’s in full on horrible bitch mode so shes like oh too bad that wasn’t me too bad I didn’t die idk so of course we’re arguing while I’m driving us home okay we’re so close to home dude and we’re just screaming at each other okay to the point where I can’t even scream because my voice just comes out raspy I can’t go that high okay anyway and we come to a red light and she gets out of the car she has a splint on her foot okay and she starts making a huge fucking scene close to our neighborhood in the middle of the goddamn street she stands out there trying to get hit by a car people start coming out of their apartments to try to help her of course I look like the bad guy because she’s like, “I BROKE MY FOOT AND MY SISTER REFUSES TO TAKE ME HOME REFUSES” screaming telling everyone that I punched her (I’m like a third of her size first of all, second, we were arguing my arms were moving and I slapped her arm lmao) anyway whatever I’m the bad guy I finally get crazy bitch back in my car (100% regret not just leaving her in the middle of the road so she can see what a fucking dumbass she is) anyway still screaming the whole time of course, I pull up into the driveway and I’m like dude get out of my fucking car and don’t ever fucking talk to me again and she got out but she wouldn’t get her stuff out so I tossed her purse out it’s fucking huge and heavy and i’m in the driver’s seat I can barely even toss it lol anyway I toss her shoe out throw it and she fucking leans in the car and tries to punch me in the face but she has shit aim I guess and missed and hit my shoulder/neck and she really hits like a bitch I didn’t even feel it my blood was pumping so my car is still on because I’m a dumbass but I’m just like fuck this I’m getting my mom to get her out of the car so I start going in and I turn and see her reach in my truck and get the keys from the ignition so I go in the house and say mom she has my keys she’s taking my truck she’s going to fuck it up and I go back outside and she threw them and I heard them land somewhere and so I go back over idk it’s kind of muddled idk maybe after she punched me was when I got out and like idk but like I was fucking done dude I was livid and she was getting in my face and I pushed her a few times and she got real in my face so I shoved her by the throat and like she was like oh you’re gonna choke me now like nah dude I’m just trying not to punch you in the fucking face anyway then she goes where’s my knife so I stand there and I’m like hell yeah get your knife you’re going to stab me? and she’s like yep and she fucking takes it out and I start walking toward her like yeah dude fucking stab me PLEASE and my mom comes out and is like are you fucking serious I have to live here blah blah bc we’re loud as fuck making a scene in front of our house okay oh I forgot to mention before my mom came out and my sister was like yeah when you go to your room give me back that grinder I gave you and I was like you never gave me a grinder I’ve always had my own and she was like um no I gave you one and when you go up there and find it you better fucking apologize (I left out a loooooot of dialogue of her saying stupid horrible shit about how I’m selfish and need to respect her bc she’s older and all this like nah dude respect given is respect fucking earned and you’ve treated me like shit my whole goddamn life anyway) and she’s like yeah I gave you a grinder I don’t fucking lie I never lie blah blah anyway back to when my mom comes out trying to diffuse the situation, my sister immediately says, “MOM SHE CHOKED ME TO DEATH SHE CHOKED ME SHE BROKE MY FOOT TODAY” she literally said I broke her foot after I spent 10 hours catering to her every fucking need okay. Anyway she cut my aux cord in my truck, the only thing that brings me daily joy, being able to listen to my music, it’s an old truck I had a cassette tape aux cord thing and idk I ended up bleeding on my arm probably from her disgusting ugly ass huge fake nails I didn’t even know until after and like anyway I go upstairs, find the SCALE she gave me bc she said she didn’t need it (it was janky as fuck anyway and I had already gotten a new one from my friend) and I put it in front of her door and I hear her trying to come up the stairs and I was like I put the scale in front of your door and she was like “OH THE ONE YOU SAID YOU DIDNT HAVE YOU FUCKING LIAR” and I was like no you said GRINDER and it was a scale you fucking idiot and shes like oh i’m a stupid fucking idiot huh blah blah blah I was like no apology needed just don’t ever talk to me again and like I locked my bedroom door and went to go get gas and she texts me “YOU STOLE MY RED BAG MY RED BAG WAS IN THE TRUCK AND YOU STOLE IT IT HAS MY PIPE MEDICINE AND MEDICATION!!!!!!! (she doesn’t take medication she doesn’t even have insurance she has drugs yeah but she already had those on her and her pipe was in her room anyway) AND IT’S NOT IN MY ROOM IT’S NOT IN MY PURSE IT’S NOT IN MY POCKET IT’S NOT IN THE HALLWAY IT’S NOT OUTSDIDE i RANSACKED EVERYWHERE YOU HAVE IT IN YOUR TRUCK THAT’S THE ONLY ANSWER I NEED IT. and I replied, “Nope it’s on the table downstairs where you left it before we left earlier today like I told you, earlier today. No apology needed again. Don’t ever talk to me.”

and she was gone I was gone my friend picked me up and let me cry and vent while we smoked and she texted me yup same and then she was typing still so I blocked her and later after my night had already gotten so much better (I got drunk, went bowling, had steak and eggs with one of the coolest fucking people I know okay) and then later I got a text from my mom that she forwarded to me which was originally from my sister, which was telling my mom a bunch of bullshit to make me sound/look bad about me sneaking -people into the house and all this stuff and I was just like wow yeah okay I was like how would I even do that you have cameras everywhere? Like I remember Britt telling me she had her friend Cy over to the house and I was pissed bc she let him be around Link and I don’t know/like that guy? but it’s whatever so yeah my sister broke her foot yesterday and I helped her all day and that’s the appreciation she shows/has :) no more.

I’m still always going to be a giving caring person, I swear to god I wish I wouldn’t, but I can’t help it, but I’m not giving any time to people that try to make me feel bad when I’ve never done anything but try to fucking help them. Already spent almost two years with someone like that and I’m finally recovering from it and I get hit with this lmao. Doesn’t matter who it is, next time, I‘m just going to leave them in the middle of the road. The people who know me well, always see the truth and who I really am and they’ve seen my ugly side too but they know that I’m not a bad person and I only get ugly and mean when I’m provoked. Literally I wish yesterday didn’t happen lol bc I don’t like acting like that, I never get like that she is literally the only person that gets that reaction out of me and it’s only happened maybe twice? Alec was the only other person who ever provoked like a smaller degree of that kind of reaction from me. I don’t like being that person and I don’t like people that force me and push me to be that person. People think they can keep pushing me and pushing me and I won’t push back but I do have a breaking point and when I reach it, it’s not good for those that push me. I’m not very intimidating and when it comes down to it, it’s my advantage when it gets to that point. I was always scared to get into a real fight with my sister but honestly I have 100% faith now that I could kick her ass. Like with two working feet lol. she talks a big game but she really is not shit. I wish I could love her. Never trying again.

#personal #text #text post

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