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jenna--ortega · 2 years

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Hi there! I have never gotten around to make a gif tutorial because there are plenty of good ones out there and I suck at explaining things. Back when I basically use my side blog (@marvelsaos) as my main, I didn’t get that many questions regarding gif making, I presume because many people who followed me there weren’t gif makers. But this year, I finally come back to my real main blog and started posting more gifs over here. This blog is where I mostly follow gif makers and is mostly followed by gif makers. I have gotten a lot more ask on how to achieve certain things in my gifs, most notably my recent Winnie The Pooh set. And this is why I decided to make this post. This is by no means a tutorial, just a post sharing my giffing journey and the things I do in gif making that might be of your interest.

‼️Tons of rambling below. Text, image & gif heavy. Proceed with caution‼️

Table of Contents

Introduction

The Basics Everything about making a simple gif from start to finish

How to optimize your giffing process

The more advanced stuff? “Recolouring” & rotoscoping in After Effects

Tutorials mentioned in this post

Acknowledgement

Feel free to jump to any section you find useful. Most of the ramblings are in the introduction.

1. Introduction

i. How I started You thought that was the intro?! I’m the kind of person who someone would know for a decade without hearing me say a word, and when I finally spoke (usually about stuff that I’m passionate about) I just go on and on and on and it shocks people to no end. I’ve been on tumblr 10 years now as some of you might know I’m doing my 10 year celebration, but I didn’t start giffing until about 7 years ago. And I just realised I have never properly introduced myself. Hi! My name’s Winnie and my username across all social media is Ms_Stanatic. Before I started giffing, my main fangirling platform was IG, and boy I’ve got sooooo many accounts I don’t even remember all of them, the bigger ones were mofy, ouat & aos related, and these days I’m giffing all of my old favs for old time sakes. If you happened to know me back then, drop by and say hi. It probably felt like I drop off the face of the earth when I quit IG. The show that got me started on giffing was, as some of you might know, Agents of SHIELD. @marvelsaos was my “main” blog for the first 6+ years of my giffing journey. Now thinking back it was because I finally got my first laptop when I got into uni and didn’t have to make edits on my android phones anymore. But at the time, all I wanted to do was to capture Melinda May’s eye rolls and actions and static images just weren’t doing it for me anymore. And that’s how I embarked on the journey of gif making.

ii. Tools/ Softwares I used I had a Macbook air back then, and finding a cracked photoshop for mac was kinda hard, so I had to settle with GIMP. Without the GAP plugin may I add because I do not know how to install it till this day, so it was just pure nightmare. Making gif in the beginning was the most tedious thing I ever did, I’ll explain a bit more later on. The giffing community felt very different back then. I don’t know if it’s because I wasn’t aware or because I wasn’t in it. I felt like there wasn’t as many giffing tutorials on this site, and all I kept seeing was people sharing their psds. It might have been useful if I had photoshop but I didn’t. So the idea was that you can just open up the psd files and drag the adjustment layers onto the image stacks that compose of your gif, and the adjustment layers would affect all the layers beneath it. Not with GIMP though. In GIMP, the adjustment layer(s) only affect the single layer right underneath it. You heard me right. At that time the gif size limit on tumblr was 2mb, a gif I made is usually 20-30 frames/ layers. So I had to duplicate the adjustment layers 20-30 times, them move them right above each image layer. And if I don’t like how it looks, I had to do it all over again. This is slowly turning into a rant but seriously thinking about it gives me headaches. Also, did I mention I didn’t even read up on tutorials and stuff, I basically just googled everything I needed, how to screencap, import it into GIMP, crop & resize, how to use curve, then lastly how to export. No sharpening, no nothing. I didn’t even learn about recolouring like less than 2 years ago (my AoS peeps know which post I’m talking about 😉). This went on for about a year or two, then uni got busy and my life basically went downhill. Somehow, AoS pulled me out of that deep dark hole and get me back on my feet again also because I finally graduated but I’d like to think it’s my love for tv that saved me. I got a bit more time on my hand, I decided to go back to giffing and this time I was determined to get GAP installed on GIMP and have it working. But alas I have failed once again. It was around that time I found out photoshop’s older versions like cs5 was free to download, so I got that instead and finally begin giffing with photoshop.

Moral of the story: Try your best to get photoshop for giffing. It’ll save you so much headache.

And my story didn’t end there. While I was using cs5, I think many people have switch to photoshop cc which has the timeline function for things like smart sharpen (which was a major topic back then) and keyframes (which is what I heard people talking all about these days). Even without timeline, photoshop is definitely a step up from GIMP personally and I managed with a workaround on the smart sharpen function thanks to Julie (@doramilaje). Side note, all the gif makers (beginners & experienced alike) I’ve talked to are all such amazing people. They put so much energy into this craft and are more than happy to talk to you about it when asked. So don’t be afraid, just ask nicely. And maybe go off anon, you might make a friend or two. 2019-20 were probably my most prolific giffing years, I giffed non stop every single day as if it was my full time job. For me, it was something small and easy to complete and it kept my days going. And eventually my Macbook Air that I’ve been using for 5 years was starting to give up on me. And when I upgraded the OS system to Catalina, it no longer supports cs5 and I was devastated. I eventually got my hands on photoshop cc 2020, and in some ways I re-learnt how to make gifs again (like for the third time?). I knew it was about time to get a new laptop. And now that I know I’m gonna use it for some heavy duty, and I didn’t want to get another macbook because I’m just not that crazy about it and at that time I wanted to use avisynth (more on that later) which was only available on windows (I didn’t know how to install vapoursynth on my macbook ok?). Eventually I got a gaming laptop with a 10th gen i-7 processor and a Wacom Intuos Pro using my sibling’s student discount. I got the Wacom tablet trying to get into digital drawing, but eventually it came in super handy with just day to day editing and especially recolouring.

Moral of the story: Start with whatever you’ve got, then upgrade your equipment when you’re serious about it.

iii. What I’m doing now? This year has been kinda different for me. In the past, it has always felt like I’m on my own sitting in front of my laptop churning out gifs 24/7. This year, I’ve joined a couple other blogs and gif maker/ ps user networks, learnt a whole lot of new things and diversified my giffing content (I have been giffing AoS 99.9% of the time non stop previously I kid you not). And I’ll be back in school for my part time masters a month or two later, so who knows how often I can gif. I don’t ever wanna stop giffing but I know one day I will, and before that day comes I just wanna share some of my memories with you guys on this hell site. So, basically all that led to this post.

2. The Basics

I’m gonna assume you have a bit of knowledge about gif making. If you’re a complete newbie, I’ve tried my best to link some tutorials to help you understand or get started. And don’t get intimidated by the length of this post. Even though a lot goes into gif making, once you get everything sorted and find your routine, it’ll become second nature. The following is simply my workflow of gif making. It is by no means the right/ better way of gif making. Everyone does things a bit or drastically differently, I’m just here to share my process in hopes that someone might learnt something new or find something interesting. If I got something wrong, feel free to inbox/ message me and address it politely, since I didn’t exactly started out giffing with clear directions, I do get some of the fundaments wrong. And I am no expert in photoshop or any editing software, it’s more of a learning as I go sort of thing. So just take everything with a grain of salt. With all the disclaimers out of the way, here come the things you’re probably here for.

i. Video source There’s one simple rule, go with the most HQ one, I’m talking 1080p or 4k and make sure it’s the biggest in file size because not all 1080p are created equally. Here’s a post by Taylor (@kylos) explaining all of that and where to download as well. For the most part I just use 1080p because I personally can’t tell the difference but I’m sacrificing a lot of time for a 4k video to load/ process. It’s only instances like these I would use a 4k source.

(gif taken from my set here)

Downloads are gonna take up space but you probably want to keep them if you might gif the show/ movie in the future again since you already spend all that time downloading, so you might need to invest in some hard drives for this. I used to use my uni’s unlimited gdrive plan which was available even after I graduated, but after Google cancelled it I was in huge trouble. I save pretty much all my hd downloads and all my psds & gifs. I’ve recently got a WD Elements 12TB just so I can transfer all 6+TB data on my gdrive to there with space left for the next couple of years.

ii. Screencapping vs Video clipping So there are a couple of ways to go about this that I’m aware of.

screencapping with mpv (tutorial by Taylor) or other softwares

video clipping with handbrake (here’s an in depth tutorial on gif making including clipping with handbrake by Nums @cillianmurphy), vlc, km player, etc.

video clipping + cropping + resizing with Vapoursynth (download here | tutorial by Em @realstraykids)

I have tried all of the above. I started with screencapping till around late 2020, when I found out about avisynth (now replaced by vapoursynth) and finally got my hands on a pc where I can download it. I was using screencaps for a really long time because older versions of ps don’t have timeline, I would end up having to convert the video back to frames anyways so why don’t I just import screencaps as is. I think it’s the same logic for me now, because I start all of my editing in timeline, so it’s just quicker to import video clips for me (especially when comparing screencapping with mpv vs video clipping with handbrake). From late 2020 till now, I mostly use avisynth/ vapoursynth. There should be less detail lost when resizing using vapoursynth compared to ps. Personally, I think ps does a pretty good job and I wouldn’t say vapoursynth is a must, it just happens to be a video clipping and resizing two in one tool for me. Vapoursynth has additional denoise & sharpening tools, but I just couldn’t quite get the setting right to incorporate them into my giffing routine, so I stick with ps for those purposes. Here’s a comparison for you if you’re thinking about using it. On the left is how I used to gif without vapoursynth. I did the same thing for both gifs except for sharpening, because the clips from vapoursynth just look slightly sharpened to me so I compensated with more sharpening on the left. Honestly, now looking at it side by side I actually like the one without vapoursynth more 😂 I’ll let you decide for yourself. Also, when I’m doing a huge compilation set where there are a lot of gifs and they are basically tiny and I don’t really have the dimensions in mind yet, I’ll just go with video clipping. It’s faster and I can resize it later.

iii. Resizing

There might be reasons why you don’t want to use the W x H x Resolution crop for your gif, because in the image size panel you can actually choose how you want your resampling setting. Normally I just go with Preserve Details 2.0, and set reduce Noise to 100%.

iv. Sharpening

Once I load my clips into ps, the first thing I do is add smart sharpen to them. For the longest time I only sharpen once. Here’s a sharpening tutorial by Ava (@anya-chalotra). I think those settings are mostly what people use and if you’re new to this you should probably stick with that. But I’ll let you on a secret (not a secret anymore now that’s in the open), I don’t do the whole over sharpen then blur it out thing, I just sharpen to the amount I like. This is coming from someone who spent the first 2? years giffing without sharpening, and when I do realize people sharpen I didn’t even look/ properly follow a tutorial on how to do it. I just knew smart sharpen is a thing. So, I’m sure there’s good reasons why you should sharpen to 500% then add gaussian blur and you probably should do that too. Prior to using vapoursynth, my settings were like radius 0.3, amount 100%-200%. With vapoursynth, I find it slightly sharpens my clips so I go with radius 0.3, amount 50% like 90% of the time. Then there’s the second sharpen thing if you noticed in my banner gif which I learnt from Sid’s (@sidonidoneeey) tutorial recently. I think it adds more contrast & definition to the objects in the gif.

Here’s a comparison for you to decide for yourself. I tried the max sharpening then add gaussian blur method in the second gif, and I’m still not quite convinced.

v. Colouring This I would say is pretty much the essence of a gif maker’s style. Again, everybody does it differently, different gif makers swear by different adjustment layers. Here are some tutorials for getting rid those difficult colour cast:

Kate’s (@dewandawise) channel mixer tutorial

Airam’s (@magnusedom) colouring tutorial

The best/ most experienced gif makers I know all swear by channel mixer so you should definitely check out Kate’s tutorial. Personally, my routine adjustment layers are like the ones in the banner gif. Levels → (+/- Curves) → Colour Balance and/or Selective Colour and/or Hue/Saturation → (+/-Vibrance). Then repeat any of those if necessary.

Levels: Personally, I always start my colouring with levels. When I first started giffing, all I heard about is curves and I spent a lot of time fussing around with it not knowing what it actually does. Until I found out about levels. It is way easier to understand than curves and very suitable for beginners in my opinion. You basically drag the right most arrow to meet the right side of the histogram. What you’re doing is telling ps what value in the gif you want to be the brightest (aka white), and everything beyond that value is going to be white as a result. You do the same thing on the left, and in this case defining the darkest/ black in your gif. I find this to be the simplest way to brighten and add contrast to gifs. The results as you can see is night and day.

Curves: Curves can basically do what levels do but more. See those two arrows under the histogram in curves (right), they basically do the same thing as what I just showed you in levels (left). And then obviously you can manipulate the curve to get your gif how you want, but honestly I still don’t fully understand what curves is so I’m not gonna try and explain that to you. What I can do is show you some other neat tricks you can do with curves.

You can click on the hand with the pointing finger icon, click and drag up to brighten or down to darken on any area in the gif you’d like to edit.

Another thing I like to do is click on the white (last) or grey (second) eyedropper, then click on an area where you think should be white or grey to get rid of any unwanted colour cast. This video tutorial goes more in depth and is more of a proper way of doing it, but I just don’t bother with doing all of that normally. So here you can see I click on the grey eyedropper, than I clicked somewhere in the background I think should be grey, ideally further away from that blue light beam behind her because everything near that is just gonna be more bluish. And you can see immediately the ground has less of a cyan tint and there’s more red in her skin. Sometimes, you have to try a couple of different places to get the best results. Sometimes, it just won’t work at all.

You can also Alt+click on the auto button, and a panel shows up. Click on them and see if any of those works for you. But normally I don’t use this because I have already enhanced the brightness and contrast with levels.

Once I get my overall values how I like it, I go into colour correcting. Usually nothing drastic, just trying to get rid of any colour tint and get the gif to look more neutral in colour. My go to are colour balance, selective colour and hue/saturation.

Colour balance: This is usually my go to to adjust the overall tone of the gif, and the panel gives a good visual of rgb vs cmy.

Selective colour: This is when I only want to adjust the tone of a particular colour without affecting the rest of the gif. I usually go to red the most to adjust characters’ skin tones. Also, people often ask if they should use relative or absolute mode. I would say for simple adjustment I would go with relative because it’s more subtle, but for major colour change and I want it to really show I’ll go with absolute.

Hue/Saturation: This I usually go in and click on the hand button then click on wherever in your gif you want to change the colour. Slide the hue or saturation slider around till you’re satisfied. If you want to, say, change your background to a single colour, check the box colourized. And slide the hue slider to your desire colour. Then paint black over the object in the layer mask to preserve it’s original colours.

Also, that slider you see right there. The center light grey region is where the colours would be affected by the changes you made. And the two darker grey regions flanking it are sort of a buffer so the colour transition isn’t as stark if it makes sense. You can basically slide those sliders closer to each other so the adjustment affects a smaller targeted range of colours. You can always crank the saturation to the max to see what part of the gif you’re changing the colours of.

Photo Filter: This is a cool one that I learnt about recently. You can basically apply a warming/ cooling filter to quickly change the tone of the gif. Sometimes it helps with getting rid of that last bit of an unwanted colour filter.

vi. Blend modes Do you know that you can change the blend modes of your adjustment layers to get a different result? I don’t think a lot of people do this, I don’t either most of the time. But there are a couple ones that you might find helpful.

Screen: This will brighten up the gif a lot, could be helpful with really dark scenes.

Colour: When I want my adjustment layer to only affect the colours but not the brightness of the gif.

Luminosity: When I don’t want my adjustment layer to affect the colours.

Here’s a video explaining all the blend modes in photoshop.

vii. Denoise & Clean It was from the same post that I learnt about avisynth that I found out about Topaz Labs, particularly their denoise plugin & clean plugin. I won’t go in depth into that because I’ve tried it a couple of times and couldn’t get the settings that work for me and it is very time consuming. But if it is something you want to try, here’s a post of the user sharing her topaz settings. What I actually want to talk about is Camera Raw in ps. I normally add my denoise filter after I coloured the gif, because all the brightening and saturating the gif with colours add more noise to the original clip itself. But if a scene is particularly grainy to begin with, I’ll add a denoise filter right after sharpening, add my adjustment layers, then another denoise filter if necessary. Also, if you want to keep more details in the certain areas like the hair of the characters, just take a soft round brush and paint black in the smart filter layer mask. Go to Filter → Camera Raw Filter. The denoise function is under the tab Detail. I usually only move the noise reduction and colour noise reduction slider, and keep the detail at 50.

There’s so much more you can do with camera raw. Here’s a tutorial by @michietuts on how to colour your gifs with camera raw. I actually completely forgot about it until I went digging for tutorials for this post. I think the reason why I never got into using camera raw to colour gifs is simply because there’s too many sliders and it’ll take a long time to figure out what works, so I just stick with what worked for me.

viii. Convert to frames & export After I add all my adjustment layers and denoise filters, I normally convert it back to frames for further editing because I find it takes so long for the video to play in timeline mode. It’s just easier for me to gauge what I want to do with the gif in frame mode, such as whether more adjustment is needed, or how I want to crop my gif. I know a lot of people would just edit everything in timeline mode, and convert back to frames as a last step to change the delay to 0.05s before exporting. You can do it however you want. It’s just spending so much time with cs5, I’ve grown accustomed to editing in frames mode. Here is my export settings:

For most people, it’s the choice between selective vs adaptive and diffusion vs pattern. Personally I prefer how adaptive pattern looks and I rarely change it across different gifs because I have my export action automated. There’s more explanation and comparison in Ava’s tutorial here.

ix. Subtitles The majority of gifs I make are what I call “scene edits”. Not that I’m lazy or anything and don’t want to be bothered with making fancier gifs, it’s just what I like to do. Especially when giffing a show I haven’t giffed before I always start with making plenty of scenes, to the point where I can recall just about any scenes from that show when I want to make a fancier gif set. So I’m just gonna share me text settings for the subtitle, show you how I center the text box to the bottom and how to duplicate it to the rest of your files. Press T for the text tool, and type in whatever subtitle you need. Here are my subtitle settings:

Alt+A to select the whole canvas then press V for the move tool. Then select align horizontal centers and align bottom edges.

Now that you have your text centered at the bottom, you might want to style it. I usually go for a stroke outside the text, some people op for drop shadow or both. Right click your text layer and select Blending Options... Check the Stroke box, change the size to 3px, position to outside and colour to black.

To duplicate text box to the same exact position in another gif, right click your text layer and choose Duplicate Layer... Then choose whichever document you want to duplicate to and press ok.

And of course I have my text duplication automated, so the text would show up in all my gifs in a matter of seconds.

x. Recap

3. How to optimize your giffing process

i. Actions This one single function in ps is gonna save you sooooo much time & energy my friends. If you’re a chronic giffer like me, you probably spend all your time starring into your computer and just clicking away like a manic, especially those times when new episodes drop and everyone is trying to get their gifs out there as quick as possible. Let me tell you, life before I found out about actions was miserable. Back then, my laptop was even slower, so maybe after I did one thing I had to wait for it to load, then repeat the same process to the rest of the gifs in the set, which is normally 10 in total. I had to grab my laptop with me during meals because I basically couldn’t walk away from it. Actions was a lifesaver, especially for things you’d routinely do when making gifs like sharpening, resizing, denoising, convert to frames, export, etc. You basically use actions to record yourself doing it once, and you can just hit play every time you want ps to do it again. And to take it a step further, you can automate ps to play that action on all the opened files. You then record that automation into an action, then voila you can sharpen/resize/export all your gifs in one click. Now, I can click automate convert to frames, go out and eat dinner and come back to it.

Now here are my actions. I know the naming doesn’t make much sense to you, but basically I have actions to automate sharpening, denoising, converting to frames, setting frame delays, exporting and saving. And yes, I do regularly hit that automate save button so I don’t lose everything when my ps crashes. Then there’s actions for formatting subtitles, duplicating layers, pasting frames after or over frames. I think this covers about everything I use on a daily basis. Here’s how you record an action and automate said action. (Left gif) First you click on the folder icon to create new set, name it and click ok. Click the + icon to add new action, name it and press record. Then you do whatever you want to record, and when you’re done click to stop button to stop recording. (Right gif) To create an automation of the new action, click the + icon to add new action, name it and press record. (Third gif) Then go to File → Automate → Batch. Choose the set the action you want to automate is in, then choose the action. Click ok then stop recording. Now you have an action to automate the previous action you made.

(gif below) The box on the left of your action is the dialog on/off button. Basically if you check it those dialog boxes will pop up every time after you played the action, which is good if you want to customize every time but not so much when your goal is to click one button and let it run across all gif without interruption. I check most of them off except for the denoise filter which I do want to customize for each gif. To get the action panel to look like the one I showed in the first picture, click on the little button on the top right corner of the actions panel and choose button mode. And you’ll get to play an action by simply clicking on it.

ii. History

There are a couple of things I do in this panel. Have you ever make an adjustment, undo, make a new adjustment, and now no matter how many times you hit revert you just can’t get back that first adjustment you made? There’s a simple fix in the history settings. Click on the little button on the top right corner of the history panel and choose History Options, then check the box “Allow Non-Linear History” and click ok.

I often like to use the history to go back to previous adjustment, because I can see clearly what has been done (sometimes I click on the wrong button without knowing) and I can go further back without keep hitting Crl+Z. You can also click on the camera icon in the bottom right to take a snapshot of the current process/ step of the gif, so in case you don’t like some changes you make, you can always go back to that snapshot. Or you can take snapshots of different adjustments you made to the gifs, then you can quickly compare how they look by toggling between snapshots.

iii. Keyboard Shortcuts Know/ customize the shortcuts for things you often do, such as Crt+Z for undo, T for add text, V for move, Crl+A for select all, etc. It’ll save time & effort in the long run. To customize, simply go to Edit → Keyboard Shortcuts.

iv. My Workspace I’m the least organized person I know but I still want to talk about my ps workspace. It’s been structure to fit my giffing needs. Basically all the panels I need are there, and I maximize my space for the document window and timeline.

If you go to Window → Workspace → New Workspace, you can save your current workspace as a preset. So maybe if you moved things around or accidentally closed some panel that you don’t remember the name for, just click on that preset workspace, or if it says you’re already in that workspace click reset “whatever the name of your workspace” and your workspace will be reset. There’s mainly 2 workspace I toggle between, one for giffing and another for digital painting.

4. The more advanced stuff?

i. “Recolouring” I’m not gonna spend a lot of time on this part because the next part is actually what I really want to talk about. But Hue/Saturation is going to be your friend if you want some major colour change. Then add a gradient map over it for good measure. I’ll link some tutorials for you if you don’t know what I mean.

Becca’s (@yenvengerberg) mega colouring tutorial

Kate’s tutorial on @usergif (←there’s all sorts of gif tutorials in their resources directory, go check it out)

People would always tell you to find gifs where the character barely moves or the background is of a contrasting colour to make the process easier. Now, with timeline you’ve got keyframes to help with slightly more movement. But what if you want to make something like this gif below? 😨 I made this during my earlier days of recolouring (which was not that long ago), and the only thing I could think of was colour it frame by frame. This gif has 73 frames. There are 8 gifs in this set which I had to all colour frame by frame. It was a long and tedious process I tell you, but the results, in my humble opinion, is stunning!!! But what if I tell you it can be done without colouring it frame by frame and it only takes a fraction of the time I spent?

(gif taken from my set here)

ii. After Effects & Rotoscoping The reason I started using after effects was for this gif set. I got a gif request and my inspiration was the intro from the youtube channel sortedfood. Here’s how one of the gif looks like.

See the character cut out on the right? Basically the same thing in my recent Winnie the Pooh set. In my first trial, I was trying to do it frame by frame on ps like I always did, but there was no way I could get it looking smooth, it gets very jagged when the background was a completely different scene. And with some googling, that’s how I found out about rotoscoping on after effects. This is the youtube tutorial I learnt it from and the one I send it to people when they ask me how I do character cut outs like that. I’ll try to quickly show you how I do it below, but please refer to that video if you want more details. Usually I export my gifs as videos in timeline mode in ps, then import the video into ae. After I’m done, I’ll export the ae file as video, import it back into ps, convert back to frames and do the rest. Here are my steps to rotoscoping:

Double click the layer you’d like to work on. The layer window should pop up and that is what you want to work with.

Click on the Rotobrush tool and paint across the object you want to include. Always paint across, not outline.

I have my roto brush set to version to 2.0, and I would change the quality from standard to best.

Continue painting until everything is included. Alt+drag to deselect unwanted parts. Hit spacebar when done and let it run.

You can change the properties of the roto brush selection in effect controls.

If you want a more detailed written explanation than this. Go to adobe’s help page on roto brush here. Once you have the cut out of the object you desire, there are many things you can do with it.

Duplicate the original layer, change the colour of the bottom layer as aforementioned. And now you have a gif with a different coloured background.

Or you can have a different background (either a solid colour or a different video/gif)

You can have text behind the object, etc.

You get the idea. (This is a simple demo, please excuse the quality and choppiness of the gif)

Now you’ll never recolour gifs the same way again. Here’s a Kate & Yelena gif for you guys (even though it’s not the best, could’ve blurred out the edges a bit more but it’s still pretty damn awesome and I wouldn’t have coloured it like that if it wasn’t for ae)

(gif taken from my set here)

Here’s another gif I made with AE from this set. The possibility is endless and I’m barely scratching the surface. I can do a separate AE tutorial if you guys are interested. Let me know in the comments or tags.

5. Tutorials mentioned in this post

i. Text tutorials

@kylos’s film downloading and screencapping tips for making gifs

@kylos’s gif tutorial

@cillianmurphy’s giffing 101- your ultimate guide on how to make gifs

@realstraykids‘s gifmaking with vapoursynth tutorial

@anya-chalotra‘s sharpening & exporting tutorial

@sidonidoneeey‘s sharpening tutorial

@dewandawise‘s the beginner’s guide to channel mixer

@magnusedom’s colouring tutorial

@yenvengerberg’s mega colouring tutorial

@usergif’s how to change the background of any gif tutorial

adobe’s Roto Brush and Refine Matte

ii. Video tutorials

PiXimperfect’s Color Correction with Easy "4-Point" Technique!

PiXimperfect’s The Science of All 27 Blend Modes in Photoshop!

@michietuts‘s How to Color Grade Gifs Using Camera Raw

C.M. de la VEGA ‘s Get the Best Results with Rotobrush 2

6. Acknowledgement

Thank you so much to the authors of all the amazing tutorials, everything was so eloquently written, well explained and easy to follow. And a huge shoutout to the people at @pscentral & @womenofmcu. Our conversations on gif making have prompted me to write this post. I’ve learnt so much from the people at psc and thank you Ace & Val for creating this place that I didn’t even know I needed. It is one place I feel truly belong. So If anyone is interested in gif making, come join us at pscentral. And thank you to the ladies at womenofmcu for being so nice and welcoming, always love chatting with you lot. Last but not least, I’m patting myself on the back. For someone who’s terrible with words this is one hell of a long text post.

As always, happy giffing!

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iamstartraveller776 · 4 months

Text

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Stole this from @curator-on-ao3. (Thank you for the open tag!)

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

111, not including the dozens of ficlets and short one-shots I've posted as separate chapters in fic collections.

2. what's your total Ao3 word count?

614,875 and counting.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

I've written for: Star Trek (TOS/AOS/DISC), Star Trek: Enterprise, Labyrinth (1986), Marvel, Once Upon a Time, Shadow and Bone, and LOTR: The Rings of Power.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

The Princess and the King (Labyrinth, Jareth/Adult Sarah) A little girl wanders into the Underground and Jareth's life is forever changed. [3,467 words]

Text Alert (MCU, Loki/Jane Foster) Late one night, Jane found herself in an online chat room for Harvard alums. She and the user youweremadetoberuled hit it off and began a strange, anonymous friendship. [16,129 words]

Intoxicated (Star Trek TOS/AOS/DISC, Sarek/Amanda Grayson) Amanda Grayson sets out to make nice with Sarek, the infuriating Vulcan ambassador to Earth. Her future career prospects are on the line, after all. There's only one problem: the ambassador isn't quite himself. [9,034 words]

Drunk Dial (Labyrinth, Jareth/Adult Sarah) Five times Sarah drunk-called the Goblin King. One time he sobered her up. [7,138 words]

Touch (MCU, Loki/Jane Foster) The first touch was her fist to his jaw, and she thought the last was when he pushed her out of the way of a Dark Elf bomb—until he showed up years later with a proposition she had trouble turning down. [4,014 words]

5. do you respond to comments?

Yes, absolutely. That's my favorite part about writing fic—being able to interact with readers. Sometimes I'm slow in replying, but I promise I always will.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have a few stories with unhappy endings, but I think this one is the most gut-wrenching read: Just a Dream (Labyrinth, Jareth/Adult Sarah) He can have her in their shared dreams, but is it enough? Obsession can be a dangerous thing. [1,644 words]

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I tend to mostly write happy endings—at least for stories that have a proper ending. I think there would be too many to list here.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

It's happened infrequently. I just delete the comments. I'm too old and tired for that kind of manufactured drama.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, not really. I mean I have a few—very few—M-rated stories, but it's pretty much all feelings with pretty words and metaphors. The tension is my favorite part. When it comes to resolving it, I tend to be a "pan to the sky" writer.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have written a couple. The zaniest? When Fairy Tale Meets Mythology (OUAT, Captain Swan; MCU, Loki/Jane Foster) While searching for Henry, Emma and Hook happen upon a strange couple in Neverland. [1,209 words]

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I was asked once, but I don't know if they followed through. I have had someone turn one of my stories into a podfic, though.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep. I'm a fandom old. I hail from the days of doing fic Round Robins and fandom Big Bangs.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

The USS Enterprise NCC 1701 D, though the Jolly Roger comes in as a close second.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The companion fic to Three Months on Vulcan where we follow the escapades of Soval and Amanda Cole as she works as his assistant. I was going to call it Lost in Translation. But my drive to write it has fizzled out over the years. I just don't have it in me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fleshed out characters, humor, pretty prose, banter.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

F I N I S H I N G. Seriously, that's my goal for 2024: to finish at least 3 of my languishing multi-chapter fics. Also, I want to improve my longfic game. I tend to rush through the plot.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done it, though I try not to overdo it. And I try to make it easy for the reader to understand from context so they don't have to constantly jump to end notes for the translations. I've been super fortunate to have a native-speaking fandom friend help me with Norwegian for some of my MCU stories. I've used Google Translate for Icelandic, and the Vulcan Language Database. Trying to write in Quenya is the worst, though. Never again! *gives Tolkien a side-eye*

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Trek: Enterprise

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

That's like asking me to choose a favorite child. How about one for each fandom:

Through the Dark Mirror Series (Star Trek: Enterprise, Trip/T'Pol) Stories that take place before, during, and after the events of the "In a Mirror, Darkly" episodes. [14,633 words and counting]

Pertinacious Wills (Labyrinth, Jareth/Adult Sarah) Regency AU Sarah Williams’s life is turned upside down when her widowed father remarries. At the same time, a new lord has taken over the Labyrinth who may be the most insufferable man Sarah has ever known. But as she is thrown in, quite against her will, with him and his kind, she discovers mysteries that call to question everything she thought she knew. [46,963 words and counting]

Blood for Blood (MCU, Loki/Jane Foster) He missed his chance by a heartbeat—the difference between life and death. Now, the mantle of savior rests on Loki’s shoulders. Will the mercurial God of Mayhem rise to the challenge of rescuing the nine realm from eternal darkness? [4,330 words]

The Worth of a Broken Soul (OUAT, Outlaw Queen) As a Keeper of the Watch, Robin hasn't been a mortal's personal guardian in centuries, but he's been tasked with a special case. Regina Mills is full of hate and anger, her aura so black it's difficult to find any hope left inside of her. Robin is determined to succeed in his assignment, even if it requires unconventional methods, but drawing her closer to Redemption is changing him as well. Will he pay any price for her salvation? For the salvation, too, of the lost souls he's unwittingly collected along the way? [14,407 words and counting]

The Nightwalker Chronicles Series (OUAT, Captain Swan) Emma Swan is an expert private investigator, but recently she's witnessed things that even she cannot explain. The only one willing to help her safely navigate the underbelly of the city in search of answers is the man who saved her life, a mysterious artist with secrets of his own. [6,448 and counting]

I haven't written much for either Shadow and Bone or The Rings of Power, and I don't feel like I have proper favorites for them.

Yes, I know I'm not listing any of my comedies, dear friend who knows who they are. That's because they aren't *my* favorites.

Tagging: Are you a fic writer? Consider yourself tagged by me—if you want to play, that is.

#tag game #questions for fic writers #this was fun

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jasontoddiefor · 9 months

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I absolutely adore your Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren just being friends posts so much because my personal theory is that they were great friends and people were weird about platonic-male female relationships and shitty about how a beautiful, renowned women married someone insignificant in their eyes. It’s so nice and refreshing and I’m tired of the whole he’s creepy and obsessed with a dead woman instead of his two best friend died and he’s trying to give their son a good life. Let the man be complex! Is he is a great parent? No, but he was arguably a better dad than attic wifer and lecher, a C level parent and someone who was kind to common folk and let their kids play with his disciples, that making him into this villain character that’s either super creepy and gross or apathetic and completely neglectful and letting Madam Yu do inhumane abuses in front of him without retort is so weird.

Sorry for the tangent, I just love you having a platonic friendship of two souls both a little bit in awe of each other’s worlds. Let him be a lowkey depressed man with his two best friends gone and dead and is now just trying his best to be a good Sect Leader and still failing at times. Let him have some complexity.

Anon you made my day with this ask.

Like, I think the "grieves the idealized version of someone he loved (romantically)" is fine, like, whatever, but it's also kinda basic?

And if they were genuine platonic friends only, it would also add to the narrative IMO? MDZS very much works on a "things left unsaid and left unacknowledged" kind of theme, and a friendship that isn't allowed to be seen as such would fit just right in. From what we see, JFM is a very mild man as well, so of course there'd be questions, misunderstandings and such messy ugly rumors.

And I think the fandom also just generally exaggerates JFM? Like while reading and watching either adaption, I mostly got a sense that this is a man who has resigned himself to living alongside his wife and mostly doesn't know how to parent any of his kids in a way that doesn't infuriate YZY so he decided that being more hands off in general is better. But not this mess of obsessive to neglectful?

Like, thos interpretations can be fun, love me a good dark fic, but that's just not what canon gives me?

But yeah!!! you're right!!! Let him be a lowkey depressed man with his two best friends gone and dead and is now just trying his best to be a good Sect Leader and still failing at times.

Also here take a snippet of friendship bc I couldn't find much on AO§:

Cangse Sanren knocks on his door until Jiang Fengmian drags himself out of bed. He doesn’t know it is her or he wouldn’t have answered the door in his sleeping robes. She doesn’t notice, of course she doesn’t, and Jiang Fengmian is relieved that nobody else is up this early.

If he didn’t know any better, he’d claim Cangse Sanren only got up early to spite Lan Qiren and his expectations of her, but she came with the habit.

“Fengmian, I need you to go shopping with me,” she declares boldly. He knows that her expectation is now, although most shops won’t open for another two hours most likely. She probably wants to go exploring the area early – and ditch the disciples accompanying him, except maybe Wei Changze. She behaves even stranger around him and Jiang Fengmian is glad to have finally found something to tease Wei Changze about.

“And why do I need to go with you?”

“I need someone to tell me when the sellers are ripping me off!”

He knows that she has gotten a much better understanding of average prices now, and doesn’t have the heart to tell her that he knows as little about the prices of average street food stalls as her. Sect heirs, generally speaking, do not go shopping in the places Cangse Sanren finds her most favorite trinkets.

Still, she grins at him and Jiang Fengmian finds himself smiling back. He kicks her out of his room to get dressed, for his sense of propriety more than hers. Cangse Sanren has a rather tolerant view on partial nudity, even to a Yunmeng native. He considers waking another disciple to tell them that it is not last night’s curse that made him disappear, but settles on writing a quick note instead.

“Where are we going?” he asks Cangse Sanren the moment they’re out of the door.

She grins again, tellingly, and takes him by the hand to drag him into a street of craftsmen he’d have never seen without her. She hardly shuts up, praising every piece of art, the food, and Jiang Fengmian whenever he points out a piece of jewelry that would be particularly unpractical for nighthunting. Most of them look like gifts one of Jin Guangshan’s terrible cousins had tried to give her.

He thinks it’s the closest he’ll get to having a sister, but he’ll keep that thought quiet, least of all it betrays something else.

#mdzs #jiang fengmian #cangse sanren #ask #anon #fanfic

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dacchamp · 2 months

Note

Some questions about the elements AU because that lives in my head rent free:

•Where did the idea originate from?

•How many elements are there?

•Tell me a little about the world building process! Why did you choose earth and water for Mitch and Antonio respectively? How does the element hierarchy work? Are all different element groups enemies or are there some groups that have allegiances (eg. earth and fire are typically friends or something?)

•Most enjoyable part(s) about coming up with the elements AU so far?

•Will we find out why Antonio lost his powers or is that something that will forever stay a secret?

•Spare any crumbs for new/upcoming ideas?

OMG SOMEONE ASKING ABOUT THE ELEMENTS AU? PLEASE LET ME 🫂🫂🫂🫂 NAAAH FR THIS IS AMAZING I AM AO HAPPY!

I'm sorry it took me so long, but I needed to organize all my ideas and organize the lore to help you to understand it.

•Where did the idea originate from?

I don't remember very well ngl! I know that I started writing about Mitch being a villian and Antonio being his sidekick... and i love magic so I add the elements and then BOOM! Elements AU has born.

•How many elements are there?

The main 4: water, earth, fire and air.

The corrupted souls are powerful and dangerous versions of those elements.

The world is divided into humans and souls.

Humans and souls are enemies because humans are jealous and want their power (and erase them too). Souls try to defend themselves against humans because they just want to live normally with their element.

Humans have cities to themselves and souls live in tribes, in places connected to their element.

Fire: near a volcano

Air: On an island

Water: On the coast

Land: In the forest

Those tribes work together to fight the Silver Forces, but have some agreements to live in peace with each other.

Also:

- Fire and Water are enemies. They can't stand each other and, before the Silver Forces, they fought each other for power.

- Earth and Air have been allies since the beginning. They try to keep Fire and Water behaving.

Corrupted souls are exiled from their tribes and cannot return to the main core. They can live in small territories created by them (like Mitch and his side of the forest), always live on the move or hide among humans.

About michtonio elements:

Tonio is a (pure) water soul because 1) he likes water LMAO and 2) he is very chill and he can be very powerful so... water fits him.

Mitch is a (corrupted) earth soul. His posture shows respect and he knows the power he has... also he is a mistery (like a forest... in a good way)

Aaaand earth and water can't leave without each other so... ehehe

•Most enjoyable part(s) about coming up with the elements AU so far?

Creating the lore!

I love building a little universe in my head where I can have the characters doing stuff and creating the story around it! (My only mistake is forgetting my own lore but shhhhhhh)

I still have new ideas and new things to add, but I want to write them slowly and without rushing my brain (but if I do that I'll burn out and leave the idea rotting in my wips)

•Will we find out why Antonio lost his powers or is that something that will forever stay a secret?

Well, we know that Antonio lost his powers because the Silver Forces kidnapped him and drained his powers. Now, whoever is responsible for this kidnapping will perhaps be revealed in the next chapters (I hope)

•Spare any crumbs for new/upcoming ideas?

I have one chapter ready to post but I want to focus on the influencer AU first. Yet here is a snippet (little spoiler: it will explain some fire/water lore):

Mitch approaches.

He can hear the soul... sobbing. He opens the door slowly. The shadows disappear into thin air.

"Arthur?"

"Norman... said... you... help..."

Antonio appears behind him and gasps, surprised with the scenario. Mitch holds Antonio behind him but he feels no threat on Arthur.

In fact, none of them thought they could see a fire soul freezing.

Meanwhile you can read Ocean Touch made by @nnato 💫. It's Mitchtonio too, happens in the same AU and it's amazing well written!

#THIS ASK IS SJJEHEJSHDJDJ I LOVE IT #thank you SO MUCH!!!!!#my writing #ask time

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kcscribbler · 6 months

Note

16, 23, 47 for the star trek ask meme?

Ooh, fun! Had to think about these for a few minutes.

Ask Post Here for reference

16. If you could steal the basic plot of an episode for one show and apply to another which would you choose?

Just one? Probably Rascals, from TNG. There's so much potential for amazing crackfic-treated-seriously, if that were to happen in TOS. (see my answer for 23 below, lol)

If not that, then Remember Me, from TNG. Given how Kirk reacted to an empty ship during This Side of Paradise, I can see there being huge angst potential (and demonstration of his intelligence) in an episode like that.

And I'd love to see pretty much any of the animated series in live-action TOS, because it's a great look at what could have been, if they'd actually had a decent budget.

23. Favorite tropes?

Well, according to TV Tropes, it's apparently "close platonic relationships and H/C," which isn't exactly incorrect, I guess (more about the former in #47).

I particularly enjoy the "found family" concept I see as the future of the AOS, and episodic H/C from TOS, because the series tends to just skip over trauma entirely and it's annoying. I prefer a mix of darkness and humor, because solely one or the other isn't my cup of tea.

But my tropey guilty pleasure is crack!fic treated like serious fic, which works particularly well in the ST universes. If it's written very well (it isn't usually), I'd read bodyswapping, kidfic, etc. for hours.

I turned TOS Jim Kirk into both a child and an orange cat, at one point, FWIW.

47. An unpopular opinion you have?

That falling into bed with someone is not the only effective method of storytelling to demonstrate love, romance, soulmates, friendship, or any other kind of non-solely-sexual relationship that is meaningful. There's obviously nothing wrong with a sexual interpretation of a relationship; but as someone on the grayer end of the Demi spectrum myself, I've found it rare to find fanfiction that aligns with the opinion that other relationships can be portrayed just as meaningfully.

I'm guessing it's easy for most people to write sex, but somewhat harder to write the same depth of emotion without sex.

But to me, that is the primary reason why TOS succeeds where TNG doesn't quite hit the mark (and AOS fails miserably until Beyond), when it comes to building meaningful relationships between the characters. (It's amusing to me that the best demonstration we have of depth in Uhura/Spock's AOS relationship is in Beyond, where they were actually long broken up.)

But the beautiful thing about the ST universe is that it literally spans universes, and so is big enough for everyone to play in. IDIC for the win.

#ask box #star trek tos #star trek the original series

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authortobenamedlater · 6 months

Note

😎🦋🎨🎁

From these fanfic asks.

😎 What fics do you prefer on a scale of canon compliant to wildly original?

Depends on the canon 😂 and how we define “wildly original.” I tend to get off the wildly original train when we get to coffee shop/college or university/modern AUs because the characters are usually not even themselves anymore by then.

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

I’ve been in this game way too long to have only one LOL.

The TV versions of Chief and Cortana are the BEST to write. I love their game selves too, but I met them through the show so that iteration of them will always be special for me.

Though I haven’t for ages, I loved writing AOS Captain Pike and my versions of Robert and Sarah April. I can never get past the starting friction to get this one rolling again.

Rex and Cody. I lost so many WIPs with them in my computer crash.

Last but most definitely not least, since they currently have my muse in a chokehold. Tom and Chyler. For some reason I find both of their voices very natural.

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

I will keyboard smash and cry for joy if anyone ever does fanart for ANY of my stuff.

Top of my list would be something for MWAS. I would love to have a visual of Tom and Chyler together as adults. If I had the requisite photo manipulating abilities and software I’d do it myself. There’s one scene I have in mind but I haven’t written it yet.

For Such a Time As This would be a runner-up because I’d like to see the characters from B5 and Halo interacting.

I’ll throw The Toddler Invasion in there, too, just because it’s one of my best fics.

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

The last two fics I posted have taken up most of my time for the past several weeks but *goes on archaeological dig through WIP folder*

Ah! Here’s a good one! This is from the story of how Tom and Chyler nearly split. Working title is Neither Can The Floods Drown It. Excerpt is a little long so it’s going under a cut.

—

“I heard there was an incident with Lieutenant Lasky earlier,” Murray started.

“That’s correct, sir,” the squad leader said. “I had words with him.”

Murray nodded. “Has he ever given you problems before?” The CAG didn’t know Lasky well, but the name was one that always seemed to float to the top of the pile in a good, or at least neutral, way.

Larsen seemed to think. “He…well, let’s just say self-expression’s not one of his struggles, sir.”

Murray chuckled.

“He also likes to play a little closer to the edge than he should, if you know what I mean,” Larsen continued.

“I do.”

“But no. Lasky’s never been a problem.” The troubled look hadn’t left Larsen’s face. “He a good guy. A good officer, a damn good pilot.” He glanced up at Murray. “Keep an eye out, sir, he might have your job in twenty years.”

Murray grunted. “I’ll put him at the top of my prayer list.” He eyed Larsen. “What aren’t you telling me, Larsen?”

Larsen bit his lip. “Lasky’s wife filed for divorce, sir.”

Murray closed his eyes. “Sonofabitch,” he breathed. Divorce wasn’t uncommon in the service, but that didn’t make it any less painful. Many of the younger generation had chosen to simply forget the idea of marriage altogether.

Lasky had bucked that trend, and now he was paying for it.

#fanfiction #fanfic asks #fanfiction asks #ask game #ask box open #ask me anything #halo #married with a supercarrier au

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roguestorm · 3 months

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deeply sorry for the length of this ask. feel free to ignore. just contributing 2 cents on the manga/comic distinction as a primary manga reader who transitioned into comics! my limited experience has given me the impression that US comics are episodic while manga are serialized.

Within the sample of 80s-90s Marvel and a scattershot of indie/Wildstorm, comics have tended towards self-contained arcs of 1-5 issues, each issue hewing quite closely to the status quo-rising action-setback-climax-falling action plot diagram. Character development continues, but greater plots are spread thinly as hints that culminate in a crossover every 30-odd issues.

The inertia of shared canon comic continuity/the transition between writers resets or undoes development at regular intervals. So, each issue feels more episodic because any attempts to serialize will be undone in the next personnel shuffle. Even big 'never be the same again' changes like HoXPoX, the deaths of Jean Grey, Crisis on Infinite Earths, N52 will get undone in time and revert.

There's definitely a tendency to long arcs in contemporary comics compared to old comics, so my reading history here doesn't give that accurate of a view of the state of things. I've found that old comics write self-contained issues while post-90s-crash/post-digital comics employ longer story arcs and 'write for the trade'--possibly because that's the point at which trades become more accessible than issues?

Indie comics tend to have a more continuous plot without the constraints of shared canon, but are often planned for a limited run. These 5-12 issue runs can be structured in advance. This defined scope can lead to a more episodic series where each issue accomplishes a set goal, compared to the haphazard rushing-to-the-deadline manga flow that can leave chapters as abortive or half-finished.

By contrast, the sole-authorship/independent canon of manga allows permanent story changes without the status quo reset. This lends itself better to serialization. There is a lot of overlap between manga and indie here, and big magazines (WSJ) can exert significant control over mangaka. However, few manga are planned and executed as limited series and almost no manga have co-writers. The schedule pressure and lack of chapter limits means that mangaka can push events into/out of chapters, adjust pacing, change plot direction on the fly, and these changes aren't likely to be overruled.

There's less ability to keep chapters self-contained (you hand in what you physically can hand in, whether or not it's a complete story) and less motivation to do so (you have as many chapters as you want to write your arc, you don't need to shoehorn your arc into the three issues you have left before someone else comes on to the book). Manga work in arcs that last anywhere from 5 to 50 chapters or longer, with each arc representing a permanent change in status quo.

From my reading, manga tells a single overarching story with arcs split up into relatively small chapters of a larger whole (any big shounen e.g. HxH or Haikyuu, a lot of seinen e.g. Berserk, most big shoujo e.g. Ao Haru Ride or AkaYona). Because of the length of manga arcs, it's difficult for all of 30+ chapters to each be a self-contained story while contributing significantly to the main plot. US comics on the other hand tell a series of short, tight stories. These legally have to end where they started if published under the Big Two or another shared universe. In other words, a manga is a log of cookie dough cut into chapters while a US comic is a row of individually formed balls of cookie dough, some of which are grouped together.

This is all limited though--the big exceptions to this rule are indie comics, which don't have the shared-universe limitations, and non-romance slice-of-life manga, which do have to return to exactly the same status quo. And the definition of episodic I've used here is less about the proportion of 1-issue/1-chapter arcs and more about the change of/return to status quo at he end! My conclusion based on my reading was that SFF manga are almost all singular, large-scope stories that change continuously (serialized) and SFF comics are largely repetitive, small-scope stories that resolve to a status quo (episodic)--so it's interesting to see that there's still solid evidence for it being the other way around!

This is exactly the kind of reply I was hoping for! I think it's interesting that you are using this other definition of episodic, based around the overall trajectory of the stories, and then kind of working backwards from there to how it affects the single-issue level. The status quo argument only really affects the long-term episodic-ness (and it definitely does make like any deviation from the status quo into an episode that can be picked up or ignored as you choose), but it's interesting how that can end up making a difference on the issue-by-issue level as well.

Using The Walking Dead as my Western example did I think skew the argument because it was a very particular type of comic in that it was not Big Two, written by a single person, and always intended to be this big sprawling epic that just keeps going. It is perhaps more like a manga than a typical Big Two comic in that way. As you say, it's certainly true that a lot of Big Two comics do change hands regularly enough that it prevents any real long-term arcs from forming.

#asks #daisyachain #lots to think about. sorry this isn't the most in-depth response

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tonguetiedraven · 1 year

Note

Would you write something where like maybe an aria or something goes wrong/backfires and Bon can hear Rin’s thoughts for a short period of time? I think it’d be the cutest way for him to hear how absolutely frazzled he makes Rin

@marble-wolf helped me write this one (we're getting nearer the end, lol)

It's bon/rin get together, and only half the story is here since it got a bit long (doesn't it always?) Check the end of this post for a link to the full story!

-- -- -- --

Ryuuji was in class when it happened, which was probably the best case scenario. He could have been in an actual fight when the fuck up happened and that would have likely cost him.

As was, he spoke the aria to fight the bound Satori, felt the magic spark over his skin, the pull of energy in his gut, and a sharp pain pierce through his head.

The first two were meant to happen, and his notes hadn’t mentioned the latter.

Ryuuji curled forward a bit with a pained hiss, pressing a hand to his forehead and not caring that he smeared some chalk dust there as Konekomaru and Shima both moved in closer to help support him and the teacher yelled something.

(The yell made his brain feel a bit like imploding.)

Ryuuji managed a breath, hearing it rattle around in his head painfully, and exhaled as everyone began talking over each other in a constant ramble he couldn’t decipher.

“Bon!” Konekomarua was shaking his arm while Shima was trying to keep him upright, and Ryuuji hadn’t even noticed himself curling forward and towards the floor.

“Another migraine? I told him not to eat those kara mucho. Stubborn idiot.”

Ryuuji squinted up at Konekomaru. Was now really the time? “It’s not a migraine,” he growled.

“Okay?” Shima asked. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

Why were they being so damn loud? And why was it hurting? What the hell good was an aria if it incapacitated you?

“Mr. Suguro!” Miss Yamada barked as she marched up to them. “You transposed the order of those verses. What’s happening?” She crouched in front of him with a pronounced frown. “Surely he didn’t… No. he’d need a high level of concentration to do that. But he is a driven student. I’d say my best if he hadn’t made that mistake.”

Ryuuji directed his pained squint at her. Why was everyone being rude while he was in pain?

“It’s a pain between my eyes. Piercing, not throbbing.” Ryuuji closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. Talking made it worse. Noted.

There were more yells and noise as the rest of the class realized he’d gone down and the teacher began to mutter her way through a list of other possible side effects he couldn’t sort through.

Rin nudged himself between Miss Yamada and Konekomaru, setting his hands on Ryuuji's shoulders.

"Suguro?" He could hear how shallow Bon seemed to be breathing, small inhales as if struggling with pain and…

"Why is he hurt?" Rin asked. "He's pale. I don't smell any blood. Call for help? Yukio could help."

"Is he sure it's not a migraine? Idiot looks like he has a migraine." Izumo hissed.

"Would lavender help him? Poor Suguro."

“It’s not a migraine,” Ryuuji growled, directing his squinting glare at Izumo. (He hadn’t known Rin could smell blood, and he was touched Rin was looking out for it.)

Miss Yamada went a bit pale. “Shit.” She leaned forward and grasped his chin, forcing Ryuuji’s gaze to move back to her. “Mr. Suguro, what are you hearing?”

Everything, was Ryuuji’s first thought, but someone was humming and Shima was rattling off useless facts about the satori that Ryuuji hadn’t managed to block like Ryuuji hadn’t been asked a question, and the others were still mumbling and worrying and the pain was getting a bit more intense.

“Talking?” Ryuuji asked, uncertain what she was wanting from him.

"Oh his head hurts. The talking hurts his head. No talking. I won't talk then. That should help." Rin rambled, a bit lost on why their teacher looked so worried.

"Idiot." Izumo grumbled.

Ryuuji shot her another glare and huffed in frustrated amusement at Rin’s ramble. At least he wanted to help.

“It’ll help,” Ryuuji said softly, turning his gaze back to Miss Yamada who was pale now. The pain was starting to recede and just leaving a weird dull pressure behind. So absolutely not a migraine. He was tempted to stick his tongue out at Izumo, but it wasn’t like she’d ever even had a migraine to know how immediately recognizable they were. (And he hoped she didn’t get one even if she frustrated the hell out of him because they were agony.)

“Mr. Suguro,” she said softly, “no one has said anything.” She blinked, and then, “But if you’re still hearing them, then we’re in trouble.”

“Trouble?” Ryuuji started, and then realized she hadn’t actually opened her mouth during that last statement. And while it was entirely possible that she was as skilled a ventriloquist as Takara, Ryuuji doubted it had been that.

“Fuck.” Miss Yamada muttered without moving her mouth. “Well, Mr. Suguro,” she said out loud, “while I’m impressed at your level of mental control, I’m afraid we have a problem. You inversed the purpose of the aria.”

“I’m sorry?” Inversed? What did that mean? The spell was meant to make his mind unreadable? Was he projecting his thoughts to the demon now?

“If performed improperly, and with enough focus, it can temporarily allow the caster to hear other people’s thoughts.”

“Fuck.”

“What?!”

Ryuuji closed his eyes as clamor of voices seemed to ring out in his head. Loud enough to make it hard to focus on anything else for a moment, let alone work through what that meant.

"Of course it would be him." Izumo scoffed.

Rin took a minute of mulling the words over. "Suguro has lots of mental control. Don't know how he does it. What does inversed mean? Hear other people's thoughts? Suguro hear… my… thoughts? Now? Suguro, what does inversed mean?"

"A problem? I hope we can fix it!" Shiemi worried.

In an immensely weird way, hearing Rin work it all out actually made it easier for Ryuuji to figure out what Miss Yamada had been saying.

“Inversed. I inverted—” no, that wouldn’t help. Never explain a word with the word. “I flipped the point of the aira. Instead of blocking my thoughts, I made everyone else’s thoughts loud.”

Miss Yamada nodded at Ryuuji’s explanations, which also made sense because she hadn’t heard Rin ask the question, and that realization, that it had all been in Rin’s thoughts and Ryuuji had just heard Rin’s thoughts had him swaying a little.

The voices all around him seemed to get louder and tumbled over each other.

"But then… how do we make it stop?" "I really don't need to have Ryuuji in my head. That… I'm…" Rin audibly squeaked and turned his head away from all of them. "Konekomaru's beads are shiny."

"Sucks to be you." Izumo added.

Shiemi tried to quiet her own thoughts but she couldn't help the worry and was wondering how to help.

“Can they read my thoughts?” Ryuuji asked, because if so, he had a lot of things to say to Izumo and he needed to be careful about everyone else. (Maybe not Shima, but absolutely Rin, and why had Rin said he didn’t need Ryuuji in his head? He could understand not wanting someone else to hear your thoughts but Rin made it sound like it was specifically him, and yeah, he didn’t want Rin hearing his thoughts, but that was because he was still figuring out how to confess all of that to Rin.)

“No. It’s only the one way.” Miss Yamada said, and Ryuuji found he had an image of the ocean suddenly in his mind. The gentle lapping of waves was soothing, and he had a strange feeling she was concentrating on that to keep from thinking anything he might hear.

(It was better than the ramble rising around him.)

“It shouldn’t last long,” she finally added. “But I wouldn’t leave you alone today. Is it possible for someone, or ones, to watch you for the remainder of the day? Or at least until the effect has worn off.”

“Hang out with a mind reader? No thank you.” “Not it,” Shima said with a wink.

"I'll do it." "Why did I say that? Cause I— no." Rin was staring at Ryuuji with wide eyes and trying to figure out what he actually wanted to do.

"Bad idea, Okumura."

"Oh, Rin." Shiemi sighed.

"Because um… is he in danger?" Rin asked.

Miss Yamada nodded her head slowly. “That’s why I asked for it.” She directed her attention back to Ryuuji who was trying to figure out why everyone’s immediate reaction was concern and dread for Rin. Was Ryuuji that bad? It wasn’t like he’d asked for this nonsense to happen. No one had mentioned that if you messed up this aria you got a bitch of a headache and the ability to hear everyone’s thoughts.

(And why Rin? Did they think he’d hurt him or something? Ryuuji wasn’t going to hurt him. It was Rin. Random thoughts or not, Ryuuji wasn’t going to hurt him. Shima maybe, but not Rin.)

“You say you get migraines?”

“Yes ma’am. I don’t have one right now. I’ll be fine.” He wasn’t going to make them stay with him. He could feel them thinking how much they didn’t want him reading their thoughts as well as hear it, and the double feedback was uncomfortable and frustrating (and what were they all thinking that they didn’t want him hearing? Specifically Shima. What spy things was he doing?)

She wrinkled her nose. “You’re Arch Knight Lightning’s apprentice? He could probably watch you if Mr. Okumura can’t.”

Ryuuji felt his eye twitch. Nirvana. Reading Lightning’s thoughts? He felt the urge to shower at just the thought. And if something did happen, Lightning would make sure he didn’t die, but he doubted he’d be ‘help.’ And if he was, the methods would probably be worse than whatever actually happened.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“Stop being so stubborn, Bon. Honestly, we’re going to find him passed out in a classroom at this rate. Maybe I should call Torako. She’ll make him listen.”

“Seriously?” Ryuuji asked, turning towards Konekomaru. It earned him a scowl, which made him realize Konekomaru hadn’t said it out loud, and how the hell was he supposed to tell what was said out loud and what wasn’t?! It all sounded the same.

"Lightning is loud though!" Rin objected.

Eyes were turning to him and heads were shaking.

"This should be hilarious." Izumo said.

"Rin…"

"I'll take care of Suguro!" Rin declared, and patted Ryuuji's shoulder. "I like taking care of Ryuuji. Oh, fuck. Umm… I need to get Kuro some new sake, I need to go to the store soon. I'll get…" Rin rambled off a mental list to try and keep his thoughts on one thing but then he noticed a loose string on his coat and his thoughts turned to that instead.

“Wonderful. Class is dismissed for the rest of the day.” Miss Yamada declared, rising up to her own feet. “I can’t have him reading my thoughts.”

Ryuuji rose up as well, watching everyone try and put some space between them. There was an onslaught of overlapping images and words and he couldn’t make anything out of the tangle even if he wanted to. Someone was actually talking as well, and he could only blink at Konekomaru and realize that he was now going to be spending an unknown amount of time with Rin. Alone. Reading Rin’s thoughts. (Rin who was distracted by threads on his coat which had led him to a missing button and somehow he was now thinking about cleaning Kuro’s toys out from under the dresser and Ryuuji had listened to most of that thought train and it had made sense as he listened but now he didn’t know how Rin had arrived there.)

Ryuuji turned to face Rin, feeling his own eyes go wide with the realization that it was just going to be them for who knew how long, and the thought he’d heard, I like taking care of Ryuuji. He hadn’t known Rin called him Ryuuji in his mind. It was the only time he’d ever heard Rin say his name. He was always Suguro.

(Though Rin was Rin in his mind and not Okumura.)

“You, uh, got anymore classes?”

"Just Shura!" Rin said, trying to ignore the nervousness filling him. "I can skip her stuff. I don't think she will care. Give her an excuse to go drink or whatever. Oh but Yukio, what will he do? Do I… uhoh… he…" Rin shook himself and tried to think of anything else. "The light coming from the window makes the floor all rainbow-y."

“You don’t have to skip her. I can just read or work on homework.” Ryuuji didn’t want Rin’s grades suffering over this. Not because he’d apparently made a stupid mistake.

Shouldering his bag, he wondered why Rin was being so weirdly guarded about his thoughts. He wouldn’t have thought Rin would be guarded. He usually seemed to just speak what was on his mind anyway.

Shit! Rin hadn’t actually said that, had he? Ryuuji was being intrusive and creepy and he couldn’t stop it.

"It's an excuse to not go get my ass handed to me for a day. This Knight is on princess protection duty. And yeah, had to say that cause I can't stop my mind. So," Rin stuck his tongue out and picked up his bag and sword sleeve to leave.

"Your dorm or mine? Wait, do you got other classes?" Rin asked.

Ryuuji opened his mouth to comment on the ‘princess’ but realized no one else had heard it and he really couldn’t imagine saying that nickname out loud where everyone else could hear it. He let Rin use it, but no one else. (And he wasn’t going to think about why that was.)

“Your dorm. Mine… It’ll be noisy.” He didn’t want to think about reading all the minds in his dorm. It would be so loud and chaotic and he’d have no way of avoiding that migraine. (And he didn’t want to know their thoughts.)

Then feeling guilty and not wanting to put Rin out anymore than this was (and still hearing Poor Okumuras behind him,” he added a, “I can help with any homework you have.”

Hell, this might make tutoring easier. He’d be able to track exactly where he lost Rin.

"Oh!" Rin perked up and his tail lifted in a wag. "My tail's tangly, I gotta fix that. I can make us a snack! What do you want?! But I don't want to do homework. We can do like… guessing games! You think of something, cause I can't read your mind. This is pretty cool, I don't have to speak for you to hear me. That'd be handy for missions and stuff! Ohhh I got a test on Tuesday!"

Ryuuji found his lips lifting in a smile and didn’t even notice as they walked down the hall towards the exit and Rin’s dorm.

“Does your tail get tangly a lot?” Did they make tail conditioner? “And a test on what? We can work on that.”

Rin gave an audible, "uuugh," and continued in his head, while grabbing his tail and combing through it with his fingers.

"It always gets tangled. Like hair! But it gets caught in everything." Rin held the door open for Ryuuji, bowing a little in a dramatic way.

Once they were out in the open, Rin's thoughts turned to the test and he frowned.

"It's an english class. I'm no good at it. We could just use this on Tuesday! But you don't like cheating so I guess not. You're so… responsible. I guess we study but only for a little bit. Oh I need to text Shura. And tell Yukio. But he doesn't care. I don't think he will care. You're staying for dinner? But…" Rin's eyes went huge and he choked on saliva before he could stop his thoughts, "are you staying the night?"

Ryuuji felt his cheeks go dark red in a sudden blush. “I don’t—I don’t know. I might? It depends how long this thing lasts.” Spending the night at Rin’s dorm. Last time he’d stayed over there it had been for the exam and there had been too many naberiuses. (But Ryuuji knew that death verse now.)

Staying over there with Rin having to watch him… It was making him blush all the more.

“And I’m gonna help ya so you don’t have to cheat. You’ll just know the answers,” he hurriedly added, not wanting to think about spending the night and having this through tomorrow’s classes. What a headache. He wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything.

(A few students gave him strange looks as they passed and Ryuuji realized it sounded like he was just having a conversation with himself.)

"Okay." Rin watched the ground, counting the cracks in the concrete to keep his mind off anything else. "Just know the answers… you overextend my abilities."

"But if we do study… not long. Then we will both have a headache!" Rin added.

Ryuuji rubbed at his own temple. He didn’t want that coming back. It had been a bitch. Hopefully this quirk vanished less painfully than it had arrived.

“If we do?” He asked, raising a teasing eyebrow. (He didn’t like the weird tension that kept cropping up in Rin’s thoughts.) “Funny how you think you’re getting out of studying.” He gave Rin’s arm a friendly bump as he spoke, steering them towards the dorm.

Rin blushed at the tease. "Fuck, he's adora— fuck, this is going to be problem. I'm making us a snack first!" Rin nearly mentally shouted the second part.

Ryuuji winced away from the mental volume. “Okay.”

Curiosity was burning in his gut. What had Rin almost thought? Why did he seem upset about it? How did Ryuuji distract himself from wondering when he wasn’t even supposed to hear it to begin with?

The dorm loomed ahead and Ryuuji picked up the pace a little to open the door for Rin this time.

“Anything I can help with?” He asked as Rin walked inside. (Was Ryuuji imagining the stiff way his tail was moving? Was he making Rin uncomfortable? Of course he was, he was reading Rin’s mind without Rin’s permission.)

"Nope." Rin quickly answered. "Want a snack?"

"Rin!" Kuro yowled and was zooming out of the windowsill, his feet hopping and he jumped up on Rin's shoulders. "Oh Suguro! Hi Suguro!"

Rin relaxed under the familiar excitement of the cat sidhe, returning the purr with his own and bumping their heads together.

Ryuuji startled a little at hearing Kuro’s voice. He knew the cat sidhe could talk, but not in a way they could hear.

“Hi, Kuro,” he said softly, deciding he liked the cat sidhe’s voice. “Do you mind if I hang around this afternoon?” He didn’t particularly want to explain why. Not enough that he’d apparently made a stupid mistake in his best class (at least the way his teacher talked made it sound immensely stupid) it had to make things weird for everyone around him.

(He was going to find a satori and practice the aria the proper way until he had it mastered.)

"Not at all! Rin really likes—"

"Kuro! For today, he can understand you!" Rin cut off the cat and reached up to grab at Kuro's face.

Kuro chirped in surprise and looked back at Ryuuji. "Oh!" Kuro moved to sit on Ryuuji's shoulders, licking his temple with a purr.

"Kitchen!" Rin squeaked. "Kuro's going to give me away, wait! Floor! Tiles. There's a couple new broken ones. I broke 'em."

“Give you away?” Ryuuji asked, scratching at Kuro’s cheek. “How’d they break?”

(What did Rin really like? Every interesting thought was getting cut short.)

He took a step down the hall towards the kitchen. Maybe a snack would settle Rin down? He seemed a bit frantic and Ryuuji was growing more and more certain it was himself that was causing that franticness and he was worried about that.

Rin gnawed at his lip. "No! No, I'm good! Nothing to hide!" His heart was thundering in his chest now. "Just… broke the tiles when I was messing around with Kuro."

Rin hissed at Kuro. "Shut up."

"I'm not going to be able to hide it. Fuck! I… it's not my fault, okay? I didn't…" Rin was going to explode and pretend the flames starting to flicker weren't there.

Kuro… "quit laughing!" Rin snapped.

Ryuuji didn't know what it was, but something was freaking Rin out and he was already putting Rin out by making him more or less babysit Ryuuji, so Ryuuji offered Rin what he hoped looked like a gentle smile.

"Subject change?" He offered. "What new recipes have you learned?"

Ryuuji knew Rin could ramble about that.

Get the full story here! Rated T, Fluff, Light Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, and Getting Together ;)

#bonrin #bon x rin #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #my tumblr fics #ryuuji suguro #rin okumura #ryuji suguro #ane #aoe #aoex #bonxrin #bonfire #bon/rin #bon suguro

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whitefoxgirl · 1 year

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⏳Ageless⏳ A Namjoon Series {Chapter 4}

Author's Note: Hello my beautiful readers! I am back! I took a very unexpected hiatus due to college and such. I apologize for not posting anything, but I am on my last year of college and it tends to get very hectic. I start my practice on January, but do not worry, I will keep you guys posted on anything and best believe I will conclude the story! Hopefuly I graduate on may 2023 and pass my certification exam so that I can work as a teacher on August! I appreciate you guys who have been so patient and for reading this! There’s gonna be about 3 more chapters, so, hopefully you guys will wait until the end of the series and give me your opinions!

Author's Note PS: If you'd like to be tagged, interact with this. I am tagging people who reblog, but if you wish to be tagged comment or simply reblog and I will add you :)

Pairing: Namjoon x reader (Female Pronouns) Fandom: BTS Warnings: Ageless Namjoon; Oral (female recieving); Curse words; Suicidal Idiations; Signs of Depression (If you feel like you need someone to talk to about your suicidal thoughts or depression, click here for hotlines that can help you) Genre: Fluff, angst, smut (MINORS; DO NOT READ!) Word Count: 8.1k Songs that helped me: • Unforgettable time - Ao Haru Ride OST • Kanashimi no Yoru - Ao Haru Ride OST • I will protect you - Fruits Basket OST • I will become a cat - Fruits Basket OST • So that you’re not lonely - Fruits Basket OST • A scum’s wish - Kuzu no Honkai OST • We are going out - Kuzu no Honkai OST • Liar - Kuzu no Honkai OST • Memory Loss - Fruits Basket OST • Descent - Berlinist

Taglist: @dreamescapeswriting @ourkarlanicoleuniverse @cutttteeee @namjooniverse @zealouslightcookiebasketball @sawakoyu @dany-but-not-targaryen @miniem0nie @motoga2

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As Namjoon woke up, he felt the emptiness of the bed, and how cold it felt. He was saddened by this, as when he fell asleep, he was so warm and didn’t want to go back to feeling the same coldness. However, when he got out of bed, he saw that Y/N was on the kitchen making breakfast while on the phone. It felt domestic, she was wearing her work clothes, this time, she had opted for a knitted vest over a white shirt and some everyday work pants. She hasn’t left the house, so she was still wearing her slippers. He smiled softly, then furrowed his eyebrows as he saw that she was struggling to speak.

She talked in a whisper, apologizing to him. He then got closer to her and whispered, “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to set up a meeting, but the client speaks Japanese.”

Namjoon took her phone and asked her when and at what time she wants the meeting to be, and she responded giving him the information he needed. Namjoon nodded and looked down at what she had made while talking on the phone.

“もしもし？Y/Nのお行儀よく話しているんですが。はい。はい、今週の金曜日の午後2時にミーティングをしたいのですが。” Namjoon grabbed the cup she had served for him, it was filled with a latte, when he took a sip, it felt sweet in his tongue. He guessed, in his mind, that it was a vanilla latte.

“もちろん、全てのことを整理して会社に行く時間を与えるでしょう。はい、そうです。良い一日をお過ごしください! はいよろしくお願いします!”

He waited until the person hung up the phone and handed it to Y/N without even thinking about what just happened. Meanwhile, she was stunned about the fact that not only Namjoon knew Korean and English but was also fluent in Japanese. She was left with her mouth agape, something Namjoon took a note of and smiled. He grabbed her chin to make her close her mouth then chuckled as he took a bite of the toast she had made him.

“What?” He asked her while leaning on the counter. She shook her head at this and asked

“You know Japanese?” He chuckled nodded at this question saying

“I know a couple of languages. So, if you need help, I’ll help you, okay?” He said as he crouched down and pecked her lips gently. Something she didn’t expect. She blushed and smiled at this nodding in a shy matter.

She grabbed his hand then looked at him smiling softly. Silently thanking him, something he quickly caught on to. He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled softly. The couple leaned in for a small kiss, which was cut short when Namjoon said he had to go to work. Regrettably, the couple decided that it would be best for them to go their separate ways until they would go on their next date. Y/N looked at the food she had made for Namjoon, and how he had eaten most of it. She then turned around to look at Namjoon struggle to turn his bike without bumping into anything.

“Ju- Namjoon?” She said in a shy but confident voice. To this, Namjoon turned his head to look at her, the blush on his cheeks was obvious, and his mouth was slightly opened as he couldn’t believe that Y/N was honoring such a weird request without much explanation. He hummed in response and blinked slowly while looking at her features.

She smiled softly, handing him a container, and saying “Have a great day”

Namjoon looked at the container, which had lunch in it and smiled looking back at her. He nodded thanking her then opened the door and left.

When Namjoon came by his door in the morning, to take out Moni, he saw that his pet was not running towards him like he usually did. As he made his way towards his bedroom, he saw that Moni was struggling to get up. Namjoon widened his eyes, dropped the container that he was holding and ran towards his pet, his eyes glistening with tears. Namjoon without thinking, grabbed his phone and called his work telling Charles that he wouldn’t make it as he had to take Moni to the vet. Charles being a pet owner himself, understood this and told Namjoon that he would cover for him.

“Moni’s suffering from Degenerative myelopathy.” The vet told him, Namjoon was looking at Moni, petting him, while he laid there. Tears were running down Namjoon’s face as he looked at his best friend. “We can give him pain medicine to lessen his pain from his spine and hind paws, but other than that, the condition is irreversible and most likely will get worse over time.” Namjoon nodded at this closing his eyes gently.

“There’s only so much that the medicine can do for him.” Namjoon crouched down and let his face be buried on Moni’s fur as he petted his head and ears. Namjoon, after a few minutes, lifted himself and looked at the vet asking him.

“If you were me… What would you do?”

The vet sighed and looked at Moni then back at Namjoon saying “I would think about giving him quality of life… and how much of a great friend I was to him. How much I love him.”

Namjoon nodded at this and continued to pet Moni, then sniffled wiping his cheeks and nose.

“I will give you a moment.”

As Namjoon looked at the collar he was holding, he made his decision. He couldn’t wait 3 more weeks. It was better to rip the bandage now, and leave. If this is the pain he would feel when he left Y/N, he didn’t want to feel it. He didn’t want to hear her say those three words, he didn’t want to feel her warmth, didn’t want to smell her shampoo or soap on his body. He didn’t want to feel warm when he woke up or fell asleep. He wanted to let go without pain. He loved Y/N, enough to not want her to feel pain when he left, enough to pull the plug on whatever they had before it was too late, there was time, and he knew that it was better now than later.

“Namjoon!” He heard the oh so familiar voice call to him. He lifted his gaze and looked at Y/N running towards him with worried eyes, and a red nose. She had been crying. He whispered her name gently and it wasn’t until she hugged him close that his tears fell from his eyes.

“I went to your workplace and Charles told me about your dog.” She pulled away and cupped his cheeks “I went to eat lunch with you, but you weren’t there... I practically begged Charles for your address” she chuckled gently, trying to lift his spirits. He looked down at her and cupped her cheeks gulping gently, sniffling softly. She leaned into his touch and grabbed his wrist gently.

“Let’s go inside, okay?” Namjoon nodded and guided her towards his apartment.

After she cleaned up the container that was left on the floor, she looked at him sitting on the couch, holding Moni’s collar. She hugged him from behind and said

“I bet he was an amazing friend… And I know that you were an amazing dad to him”. Namjoon leaned into her touch and cried softly, caressing her arm gently. He felt her press a kiss on his temple and how her hug became comforting and loving as the time passed. After calming himself down, he patted the space next to him, signaling her to sit next to her. As Y/N sat down, Namjoon decided that he would allow himself to enjoy this escapism from the cruelty that he was facing. He laid his head on her thighs and he allowed himself to enjoy how her hands massaged his scalp, how her soft touch was putting him to sleep, how comfortable he was at that moment after crying over the loss of his best friend. Holding the collar near his heart, Namjoon fell asleep on Y/N’s lap.

When he woke up, he felt Y/N’s hand still on his hair and guessed she had fallen asleep while caressing his hair and making him feel better. His escapism world was coming to an end. He sat down and saw his calendar, reminding him that he was about to move in a few weeks. He shook her shoulder gently, trying to wake her up. It was sunset and the room was being painted with soft colors of orange and yellow. When she opened her eyes, Namjoon couldn’t help but feel helpless. He felt his eyes soften and his body lean forward. He felt her hand touch his shoulder gently as he kissed her softly. The collar he was holding hit the floor with a soft thud, as he tilted his head and grabbed her cheek to deepen the kiss. The soft sound of their kisses echoed through the room and slowly, Namjoon began to get closer to her, almost signaling her to lay down on the couch, something that she had obliged to. As he pulled away, he looked down at her, her hair was messy, and she looked up at him with eyes full of love and lust. Her breathing was slightly heavy, and her lips were pink.

Namjoon was conflicted. On the one hand, he wanted to make love to her, make her feel special and loved, on the other hand, he didn’t want to leave her with any pain after his departure. He didn’t want to leave but he also knew that staying wasn’t an option. He sighed gently and closed his eyes. Y/N cupped his cheek gently and whispered to him if he was alright, something that Namjoon responded with a nod. He leaned down gently, not wanting to crush her, putting his hands besides her head, and kissing her softly. His body was on top of hers, but her legs were closed, on the side while he was still sitting on the couch.

“I have to tell you something…” He whispered in between kisses. She hummed at this and pulled away from the kiss wanting to give him the attention he needed.

“I’m… leaving.”

Her voice didn’t find the words necessary to express how she felt, but her eyes certainly did, as they were full of confusion and sadness. All she could mutter was a simple what. Namjoon sighed softly then looked at her shaking his head.

“I don’t wanna leave… I like spending time with you, you make me so happy.” He closed his eyes and inhaled gently then looked back at her. “But I have to. I can’t stay here” As he said this, Y/N took the opportunity to sit up and grab his hands.

“Is it because of your dog? I know how painful it is to lose your best friend bu-“

“It’s not that… It’s more complicated and I don’t want you to get involved. I want to protect you.”

She furrowed her eyebrows at this and looked at him with a sad gaze “Protect me? Namjoon are you in some sort of trouble?”

He shook his head and responded by saying “No… But if I am in the future, I don’t want you to be involved.”

“… What if I want to be involved?” She scooted closer to him, whispering gently. “What if… I don’t want you to go? Would you stay?”

“I can’t stay… This isn’t going to work, Y/N.”

Y/N’s eyes begin to water as she nodded gently. She licked her lips looking at nothing in particular in front of her. Namjoon didn’t want to look; he knew that seeing her cheeks get stained with tears because of him would just lead him to ask her to run away with him and Seokjin and that is something that he could not afford mentally. She wiped her tears and stood up in a rather quick matter then turned to look at him. There was silence for a moment, after a heartbeat, Namjoon looked up at her, staying in place where he sat. She looked at her fingertips then into his eyes.

“Good luck, Namjoon… on whatever you do.” She whispered softly, she then sniffled and looked down at her hands again and said “… I know you’ll do great.”

Hearing her footsteps leave was something Namjoon didn’t think would hurt so much, but every thud was heavy on his heart, and her closing the door softly is what made him break down in tears. He felt as if he was losing everything. He yelled as he grabbed a pillow and threw it on the floor out of frustration. He should have taken the bus like all his military buddies. He should have been reckless earlier so that his time would be cut short. He should have killed himself when he had the chance, after his parents died.

“I’m tired” he said to no one in particular while crying. “I’m tired!” he yelled in between sobs. “I can’t do this anymore… Everything I hold dear to me disappears… I can’t do this anymore.”

Namjoon fell asleep crying. He didn’t have the energy to text Charles that he wasn’t coming to work, but Charles knew that he wouldn’t as he assumed that Namjoon would take the week off to process the passing of his dog. Seokjin had texted Namjoon to help him pack for his move, a message that Namjoon saw when he woke up, his phone letting him know that it was 9 a.m. Namjoon saw what he was wearing and decided that he wasn’t going to shower or change, he wanted to bask in his sadness, something he hasn’t done for a long time.

He didn’t bask on his sadness when he broke up with Suyeon. He didn’t bask in his sadness when his parents died, not even shedding a single tear in their funeral. He didn’t bask in his sadness when he would see Suyeon on what he assumed was a date when he left to seek fake documentation from Seokjin. He didn’t bask in sadness because he knew that feeling it would just make things worse. But he wanted to this time. He didn’t want to feel like a shell anymore, a shell with a thousand names, and a thousand lives. He looked at his apartment when he stood up, it was quiet. He looked at the spot where Y/N had sat and imagined her there for a moment. He closed his eyes and imagined what her running away from him while wearing his hoodie and laughing would look like in his apartment. He imagined what her cooking in his kitchen would look like. Then opened his eyes and let reality set in. It was over. They were never going to happen. This is his life now.

Walking towards the door, he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror near his door. His hair was messy, eyebags were adorning his eyes, tears stains on his cheeks, but the one thing he wished for, wasn’t there. He looked at his fingers still intact of any spots or wrinkles and touched his forearm, feeling how smooth it was. He closed his eyes and bit his inner lip then sighed. People talk about a god, a big god that decides people’s life before they are born. Namjoon never believed in that, especially after his accident. It always plagued his mind that if there was a god, why has he forsaken Namjoon with this? Why has he decided to torture him and make him a guinea pig for his own amusement?

“Namjoon?” Seokjin said as he wrapped his frames in bubble wrap. Namjoon looked up at him and hummed. “You’re awfully quiet. Is something wrong?” Namjoon shook his head and smiled softly. Seokjin’s eyes soften and then looked at the frame he was holding. He smiled and walked over to Namjoon. It was a picture of Namjoon and Seokjin. Seokjin was smiling, looking at the camera, while Namjoon was softly smiling while looking at Seokjin.

“You remember this?” Seokjin asked in Korean. Namjoon grabbed the frame and smiled. It was their last night in Korea together. Namjoon remembered how Seokjin wanted a picture while they were eating in a pojangmacha together, but Namjoon refused telling a joke. Seokjin then asked a passerby to take the picture, which they gladly did. Seokjin told a joke to the cameraman, he laughed at it, prompting Namjoon to look at him and smile at the lame dad joke.

Namjoon looked at Seokjin and smiled saying “You look the same”. Seokjin rolled his eyes and smiled telling Namjoon that flattery wouldn’t get him anywhere. As Namjoon looked away to put down more stuff in the box, Seokjin grabbed his chin and made him turn his head at him. Seokjin furrowed his eyebrows and asked, “Is everything okay?”

Namjoon nodded and stood up saying “Yeah, it’s just… I lost Moni… and now you’re leaving for a retirement home…” His back was to Seokjin, but he could sense him standing up and walking towards him.

“You’re gonna be close to me and you won’t be alone. I haven’t left you alone so far, right?” Seokjin said touching Namjoon’s shoulder softly.

“That’s not it…” Namjoon responded in Korean, which shocked Seokjin, as Namjoon hasn’t spoken Korean since he left the country. “I just feel… Like everything is against me. Ever since I fell from my fucking bike… I’ve just been running away and-“

“Then don’t!” Seokjin turned Namjoon around from his shoulder and looked at him straight in the eyes. “Namjoon. Just don’t do it. Forget about being found, being followed. Nobody is following you, and if there ever was a person that did, they’re long dead by now.” Namjoon’s lips quivered softly. “You have lived as Jung Junseo, Kim Baekhyun, Park Daehyun, Sung Byungho and Min Haneul… But you have never lived as Kim Namjoon…”

Seokjin wiped Namjoon’s tears and continued saying “When will you allow yourself to be happy?”

Namjoon looked down at his feet he thought of Y/N. “… I sabotaged that already, Seokjin.” Namjoon looked up at him and said, “I told her I was leaving.”

“Kim Namjoon! Why would you do that?!”

“Because I don’t want to cause her any pain”

“Oh, spare me! You’re moving to Maine not… Mars!” Seokjin crossed his arms and looked at his friend while saying “You like her, right?”

Namjoon nodded, to which Seokjin responded with “Then explain to me why you decided to self-sabotage?”

“I just thought th-“

“Exactly. You thought! As your elder let me tell you that overthinking leads to nothing but chaos and sadness”

Namjoon sighed and looked at Seokjin’s last picture with Namjoon. It was then next to Seokjin’s late wife, after their wedding. Seokjin was dressed in a black tux and his wife was wearing a simple dress. The two men had been in between the bride, hugging her and smiling, while she closed her eyes and laughed. It was the last time Namjoon saw Eunbi. Seokjin followed his gaze and sighed gently. He walked over towards the picture and grabbed it, then handed it to Namjoon saying “You don’t have to be a lone wolf, Joonie…”

Namjoon took a moment. His mind was running around with the image of Y/N, her smile, her laugh, the softness of her hands. How her words were kind and gentle towards him. It was all in his mind. He looked at the picture and imagined himself with Y/N as a bride and Seokjin and him squishing her like they are doing to Eunbi in the picture.

“What if she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, Jin…”

“You have nothing to lose in getting her back and if she rejects you, you’re still a handsome young man who women die for!”

Namjoon chuckled at this, to which Seokjin responded with putting his hand on Namjoon’s cheek. “Everything’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

Namjoon took a long bath and thought what he was going to say to Y/N. As he was applying his leave in conditioners, he rehearsed his lines. While putting on his clothes he thought of the possibilities that could happen. Y/N could reject him, take him back or simply do nothing. Putting on his cologne he thought of the sadness he would feel if she were to reject him and how devastating it would feel for him.

As he walked to the main building of what he assumed was her work, he inhaled and rubbed his hands together. Making his way towards the receptionist he asked if he could talk to Y/N Y/L/N. The receptionist asked him to wait as she made the call to her office. When she picked up the receptionist said hello in a rather cheery way and told her that someone was on the lobby asking for her. Y/N wasn’t expecting anybody, so she asked who it was.

“What’s your name?”

“Ju-… Namjoon.”

“It’s Namjoon, ma’am”

There was a pause, then the receptionist nodded and turned to look at him. “She said she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Namjoon sighed and rambled saying “Tell her that I feel incredibly sorry. Tell her that I feel like the biggest idiot right now and that I was stupid for letting my insecurities get the best of me because I think, she’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. A-And that my life was been incredibly hard, for a long time, even longer than she could imagine.” He fidgeted and wiped his lips out of nervousness and anxiousness.

“But… But that does not excuse my behavior the other day and only now I’ve realized how sweet, kind and loving she has been and I- That I don’t want to let go of the feelings I felt when I was with her. Tell her to just, let me make it up to her by taking her out tonight…” Namjoon unclasped his hands and looked down whispering “…please.”

The receptionist was gobsmacked at the ramble Namjoon had just made but decided to close her mouth and do her job. “Ma’am. Namjoon says that he feels incredi-… Oh, you heard that.” There was a pause then the receptionist looked at Namjoon and said, “She asks where you are taking her.”

Namjoon smiled softly and said, “A place she has never been before.”

Namjoon grabbed Y/N’s hand as he led her to an abandoned large storage room. He opened the door and smiled looking at her, signaling her to come inside first. She looked up at the ceiling, scared that it would fall, but as Namjoon pulled down the switch, she was astonished at the stars in the ceiling that shined brightly, giving the room a soft, warm glow. Namjoon made his way toward her saying,

“It was built in the 60’s. The owner built it because he was furious, he couldn’t gaze up at the sky due to light pollution. It was only an idea at first, but then when his daughter got sick and couldn’t travel, so he decided to build it and bring the stars down for her.”

Y/N looked at him and smiled gently. Namjoon grabbed her hand and smiled “He was an astronomer, so he did his best to get every detail. When his daughter passed, he decided to open it for kids who were on the same boat as his daughter, so that they could be happy about seeing something beautiful in their worst time.” Y/N felt herself blushing and her smile fade away gently. Namjoon caressed her cheek gently with his thumb and pecked her lips softly.

“I forgive you…” She whispered softly near his lips as she pulled away. “But if you ever pull that stunt again-“ She was interrupted by soft kisses on her lips. His lips were soft and warm. He pulled away and shook his head. A silent promise that he wouldn’t do anything like that again.

He grabbed her hand and led her towards an abandoned 1962 Chevrolet convertible corvette roadster and opened the door for her. She smiled and thanked him. She giggled as he closed the door and went towards the driver’s side. She laughed as he moved the wheel and pretended that he was going to start it. She moved her hand towards the back of his neck and caressed his hair asking,

“Do you even have a license?”

Namjoon pretended to gasp and be offended then said “I’ll have you know! I have never even taken it due to my irrational fear of failure and driving.”

Y/N pretended to pout and hugged him close, pecking his cheek repeatedly, reassuring him that he does not need to know how to drive as he was already perfect the way he is. Namjoon smiled and looked at her. He felt his cheeks heat softly as he danced around her features with his gaze and caressed her cheek gently. He smiled gently as he didn’t think that tonight was going to end up the way he expected. Her smile faded gently, and her gaze softened. She whispered his name softly as her hand made towards his chest. He scooted closer towards her, their hips and legs now touching. The light was soft in her features, and it accentuated her beauty more if that was even possible. Namjoon put his arm on the seat and leaned in closer to kiss her.

He tilted his head softly to deepen the kiss, something she softly gasped at. At this, Namjoon took his chance and slid in his tongue. The sound of crickets and wind was soft as the sound of their kissing echoed slightly loud through the building. His hand gently touched her thigh, and he pulled away by asking if it was okay. She nodded and continued to kiss his neck gently, while Namjoon caressed her thigh gently, making his way up her inner thigh slowly. His other hand grabbing her cheek and making her look at him. He took in her features. How her cheeks reddened, how her lips looked pink and glossy, how her breath was shaking and how she looked at him like he was the most handsome person in the world.

He unbuttoned her pants and unzipped her zipper slowly, making sure that she wanted this as much as he did. His heart was beating quick, and he was afraid that she would notice. It has been a while since he has done anything, but he couldn’t imagine a better person for him than the woman in front of him. He leaned in and kissed her neck softly, then with his other grabbed the back of it to pull her closer. Her gasps were soft and short, and the way she held his shoulder let him know that he was doing something right. His index and fore fingers lightly touched her clothed slit. She whispered his name, which prompted him to pull away from her neck with a soft pop. He looked at her and whipped her bottom lip with his thumb while biting his lips.

“You look so beautiful.” He whispered in a low octave.

Her legs trembled softly as he slowly made circles near her clit. He was teasing her, she knew it, but she didn’t care. She wanted him, in more ways than one. She opened her legs more, bringing down her pants to her ankles as he licked his fingers while looking at her. He leaned in and kissed her in a soft yet passionate way. He slid his finger over her panties and began to tease her slit gently. He groaned softly as he felt her getting wetter and wetter with each touch. He brought his fingers up and gently circled her clit, making her gasp and pull away from the kiss to look downwards.

He followed her gaze then looked at her whispering “Can I take off your panties, babygirl?” near her ear in a breathless talk. She nodded without hesitating, which prompted Namjoon to pull down her panties.

He hadn’t thought this through. The car is small, but he didn’t want to leave either of them disappointed, which prompted him to open the door to the driver’s side and guide her to lay down as he got her in a comfortable position. Taking off her pants and panties from her ankles, Namjoon then crawled towards her, kissing her softly as one hand was holding the passenger’s door and the other caressed her body. He grounded himself as he took both hands and opened her button shirt in one sweep.

Y/N giggled and touched his torso. Namjoon grabbed her hand and kissed her wrist saying “I wanna make you feel good first.”

She blushed then nodded inhaling softly. She felt him kissing her chest and uncuffing her bra. Without hesitation, she took off her bra and allowed him to kiss her breasts. As he licked her nipple gently, making circles and hardening his tongue as he licked up, his other hand twisted her nipples gently. She threw her head back moaning softly, to which Namjoon smirked at and then decided to suck on her nipple. She whimpered, looking down at him, her breathing was rigid and soft. He did the same treatment to the other nipple, taking his time with it. She felt his hand touch her cheek, which prompted her to turn her gaze towards him and press kisses on the palm of his hand. She felt his tongue twirl on her nipple as he sucked on it and his hand move close to her lips. She opened her lips wanting to suck on his fingers, but Namjoon had other plans. A soft pop followed by a groan was heard. There was a string of saliva on his lips as he looked down at her, taking in his work. She opened her eyes and whispered his name in between a soft moan.

Namjoon made his way in between her legs and kissed her inner thighs softly, taking in the warmth and softness of her skin. He looked up at her, only to find her covering her mouth slightly with her fingertips, her eyes glazy with lust and her cheeks red. She was beautiful. Namjoon lightly touched her thigh with his fingertip as he made his way up her thighs. She felt him softly kiss her core, his groans were slightly loud, and she felt her slit softly vibrate whenever he would groan. He grabbed her thighs and brought them to his shoulder; she gasped then moan slightly loud as he made his way up her nub and flick his tongue softly. He looked up at her and made an eight figure on her clit then kissed it softly. His kisses were loud and sloppy. All Namjoon could hear was her breathing hitching, the pitch of her voice getting higher as he worked his way around her core. He closed his eyes wanting this feeling to never end. The feeling of pleasuring someone he loves. Someone he wants to grow old with, someone he wants forever.

“Na-Namjoon, please~” Y/N moaned loudly looking at him and gripping his hair slightly.

“Tell me what you want, babygirl” he whispered near her core. His breath hitting it making her tremble slightly.

“I wanna cum on your mouth”

He smirked at this and lifted her hips slightly, lifting himself slightly, holding her up. Y/N began to move her hips to get to her high quicker, something Namjoon allowed. He didn’t mind her being needy, for now, because he knew this wouldn’t be the last time. It wouldn’t be the last time he ate her out, it wouldn’t be the last time he heard his name being moaned and whispered, it wouldn’t be the last time he would make her cum.

Namjoon continued to kiss her, but then went up her clit and sucked on it while twirling his tongue. Y/N whimpered and moaned loudly, gripping his hair slightly hard, something Namjoon moaned at.

“I-I’m c-“ She didn’t even get to finish her sentence as she felt her hips move upwards and twitch. Namjoon groaned softly as he lowers her body gently to the seats, kissing her inner thighs and caressing her body to bring her down from her high. Y/N touches his cheek which prompts Namjoon to look up at her and crawl his way up. He kisses her softly, lingering his kisses, not wanting the moment to stop.

His hand cups her jaw gently as his thumb caresses her cheek and his other fingers massage and caress the back of her neck and hair softly. She pulls away, a string of saliva connecting their lips, as she looks into his eyes. He’s beautiful. His eyes were full of love, as if he has stars in them, they glistened, his lips were plumpy and pinkish red, this, along with his chin were adored in her juices. His cheeks were pink, and his hair was a mess. She felt herself gasp, not out of pleasure, but out of realization. The realization that she doesn’t want anybody else at that moment, only Namjoon. She wants to do everything with him, and she can’t help as her hands cup his cheeks and bring him for a kiss. This kiss was softer, gentler, as if to let her know that the feel was mutual. Their bodies were warm, sweaty, and soft. They didn’t want to leave the car, or the building.

Namjoon pulled away and looked at her as if she was his whole world. His smile was soft and gentle, his dimple making a gentle appearance. She chuckled softly as she cleaned his chin.

“Namjoon. Wanna spend the weekend with me?” She asked him then continued “My family is celebrating my parent’s anniversary and… I would like you to come if you want”. She whispered that last part, which made Namjoon chuckle a bit. Her cheeks reddened. This is embarrassing, what if he thinks she’s moving too fast?!

He pecked her cheek then her lips and said “Of course, sweetheart. I wouldn’t want anything less.”

She smiled and hugged his neck making him laugh softly. He sat up, grabbing her waist and making her sit on his lap. Y/N looked down at his hard member and bit her lip then looked up at him. He shook his head saying “Not today” then kissed her.

Y/N didn’t know about Namjoon as much as she would like to know. She only knows bits and pieces, which scares her, but also fascinates her. How can this person be interested in her? He is amazing, kind, sweet and generous. She found herself a catch and she didn’t want to let him go; she was finally happy. After years of dating with no luck, in comes this person and makes her feel like a goddess.

Namjoon feared rejection, but feeling their hands intertwined as they kiss. Hearing her scold, him for ripping some buttons on her shirt, helping her put on her panties, wrapping his coat around her body so that she’s covered, made him put away those fears. Walking her home made him feel like his old self. Hearing her voice telling him to spend the night. Waiting for her after her shower. Cuddling on her bed. Falling asleep with her in his arms. These are things he didn’t want to take for granted, he didn’t want to let go.

Y/N didn’t think she would be so excited to go to her parent’s house. They had separated a room just for her and Namjoon and she couldn’t wait any longer. She packed so much that it looked like she was staying a month rather than a weekend. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she couldn’t help but to smile. She had done her make-up very lightly and decided to put on lip tint just in case Namjoon decided to kiss her (so that it wouldn’t smudge on neither of them). Her hair was done in a ponytail, but she had styled it in a way that she would show her natural curls, and her bangs framed her way perfectly, it gave her the innocent look she was wanting to show to Namjoon. She held in her laugher as she knew she was anything but. She liked that Namjoon had taken things slow with her, especially after he explained that he was leaving for Maine and how he wanted things to work out between them. She thought it was silly how he thought their relationship couldn’t work long distance, especially with the chemistry they had, but she understood his fears as sometimes long-distance relationships don’t always work.

When she picked him put, she got out of her car to help him, but he simply lifted his hand as if to signal her that he’s got it and got into the passenger door. He cupped her cheek and pecked her lips then smiled, something she blushed at. She couldn’t get over his smile. It was perfect to her. How are lips formed, how his dimple showed. The feelings she felt when she saw him smiling were indescribable to her, but she knew, it was something akin to love. As love makes you appreciate tiny and obscure details of a person, but she couldn’t tell that to him now. He would run away, for sure.

Going down roads made Namjoon scared. He remembers the dark road he took. How cold everything got and how the detailed snowflakes went down to the floor that night he was biking home. He remembers the gasp he let out when he went down the ditch, the pained groans that left his mouth as he went down it. How he tried his best to stop and how he landed face down on the ground. He remembered his breath coming out his mouth as he tried to grab his bicycle, thinking to himself that he had to come back home for his parents, and he remembers how his last breath was him whispering “Mom…”. Thinking about this made Namjoon scared. He gulped as he put on his seatbelt and looked at Y/N who grabbed his cheek and asked him if he was okay. He nodded and said

“Is it okay if I sleep on the way?” he bit his lip nervously.

She nodded and replied “It’s okay. I don’t mind” with a smile. She held his hand gently and he let it happen. It brought him warmth to know that she was besides him.

Y/N shook Namjoon awake and informed him they had arrived. Namjoon opened his eyes to see forest life around him, which made him smile. He loved being outdoors, something Y/N noted and was one of the reasons why she wanted to invite him. He got out first then opened the door for her, which made her smile and thank him. He chuckled when he saw her take out her luggage and noted that they were staying a weekend and not a whole month.

“I was too excited to just pick one thing!” She said smiling and chuckling.

He shook his head smiling taking her luggage as he didn’t want her to struggle on the way to the house. It was a two floored, wooden cabin. It looked cozy and warm. He exhaled softly looking at the cabin and smiled turning his head to look at her. She grabbed his hand and asked him if he was feeling better, something that he responded with a soft “yeah” and a nod. Y/N guided him towards the door and knocked, she reassured him that he didn’t have to be nervous, something which made him smile and caress her lower back with his hand gently, sensing that the nervous one was her.

Her dad opened the door and welcomed the couple in. Namjoon took out his hand and greeted the slightly older than middle aged man. Y/N’s father introduced himself and turned to his daughter’s luggage commenting on how they were only staying a weekend and not a month. Something which made her playfully pout and look at Namjoon. Who looked down and smiled trying to hold in his chuckles as he didn’t want to seem disrespectful to Y/N’s father.

“Where’s mom?” Y/N asked.

“Oh! She must be putting the finishing touches on the cookies; you know how she is.” Y/N’s father smiled then turned his head to say “Joy! Y/N’s here!” in a rather loud voice.

Namjoon’s smile disappeared when he turned his head and saw Joy. Something which she mirrored as well whispering a soft,

“Baekhyun?”

An awkward silence was prevalent in the house. Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. She had never seen her mom look so speechless, and awestruck, almost a little flustered. She smiled softly and said,

“Mom… This is Junseo, my boyfriend” she looked at Namjoon for approval, to which he turned and smiled at her grabbing her waist reassuringly.

Joy chuckled, a bit flustered and looked at her husband then at Namjoon. “I’m- Oh gosh! I’m so sorry! Joy Y/L/N, nice to meet you!” she extended her hand for Namjoon to shake, something which he did and smiled politely at her.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… You look like an old friend his name was Baekhyun and, gosh! You two look exactly alike.”

Namjoon gulped and looked at Y/N then back at Joy saying “He’s my father, I’m told I’m a carbon-copy of him, though, I don’t really see the resemblance” He chuckled and looked at Y/N again.

“You- Wow… You even have his smile. How is he?”

“He… passed away a few years ago…”

A couple of voices expressing their sadness and sorrow echoed, which made Namjoon continue “He was one of the few that didn’t make it through the pandemic…”

“Oh… That’s so sad...” Joy said, her eyes filling themselves with sadness. “Your father was a brilliant man. He was so kind and very smart.”

“Now I know who Junseo takes over from.” Y/N commented.

“Alright, you kids go upstairs. Y/N, you and Junseo will take the guestroom.” Y/N’s father said offering to help Namjoon. Which Namjoon said that it was not necessary and thanking him for his offer, with a polite smile.

The couple entered the room, which made Y/N sigh in relief saying “That was weird… I promise my mom isn’t that weird. I don’t know what got over her.”

Namjoon sighed and smiled gently reassuring her with a soft peck on her cheek and telling her that he would unpack their things. Y/N nodded and asked Namjoon if he wanted to shower, which he shook his head and telling her that she should go first.

It was an excuse really. He needed a bit of space. As soon as he heard the shower running, he went out towards the balcony to get fresh air. Joy.

He remembered her. She was in Canada, in the year 1998. He didn’t intent to have anything to do with her, but he remembers their beginning and their end clearly. It was on a rather deserted road, Namjoon liked to cruise over it because of its scenery and flowers, he remembers the soft smell of grass hitting his nose, and how his commute to his work made him feel happy taking the long way to work (he always made sure to leave 10 minutes before so that he wouldn’t be late). He remembers going up the hill and seeing a woman out her car. She was beautiful, captivating really. The hood of her car was up, and if it wasn’t for his detail, he wouldn’t have even made an effort to stop.

“Do you need help?” He asked, which made her look up from her flip phone. She smiled and sighed in relief,

“Yeah! I wasn’t getting any signal here!”

“Yeah, you don’t get really good signal in this area. Mind if I take a look?”

Joy shook her head and let Namjoon do what needed to be done. He looked at her and then her driving stick. This let him have a light bulb moment.

“We can push start your car. It’s a standard, so, all you have to do is loose the break, I’ll give you a push, you pop your clutch, and you’ll take off.”

Joy smiled at this and nodded at his instructions. She got in the car, while Namjoon pushed from the back of it. Joy popped the car’s clutch when Namjoon instructed, which revved her engine and started the car. Joy screamed a “Thank you!” as she took off. Namjoon deflated his shoulders and mumbled a soft “Your welcome”.

As Namjoon turned around to grab his bicycle, he heard the car turn around, which made him look at the car approaching him and smile softly to himself. He moved his hair away from his face and he saw the car stop in front of him and Joy say

“I can’t let you ride all the way to the town alone. Hop in, as a thank you.”

He licked his lips and smiled at her taking her offer. As they drove towards the town, Namjoon learned that Joy had moved to Canada to take up her studies and how she was studying to be a pharmacist. The first five weeks, they remained as simply friends. Namjoon remembers how at first Joy told him that she only wanted friendship, which is something that Namjoon mirrored as he didn’t want to be in a relationship yet. However, as time pressed on, Joy and Namjoon started to develop feelings for each other. Namjoon remembers taking her to a harvest festival, carving a pumpkin with her, and being close to her, so much so that others would mistake them as a couple, something neither of them disputed. After a night in, Joy and Namjoon talked and decided that neither of them wanted to be just friends, and so, they became a couple.

Namjoon remembers their laughs together, how warm her hand felt with his. How she would laugh at his clumsiness. How his cheeks warmed up whenever she would dress up.

“Namjoon?” The voice of Y/N brought him back from his thinking. He smiled softly, turning around and looking at Y/N. She had dressed up in comfy clothes. Her hair was slightly wet, and her cheeks and nose were slightly red due to the coldness.

He quickly put the hoodie he was wearing on her and cupped her cheeks smiling softly. “It’s cold, you should put something a bit warmer, love.”

She leaned into his touch grabbing his waist gently before asking him “Are you okay? I know it was a bit awkward with mom but-“

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. It just had me thinking about dad, that’s all.” He pulled her into a hug, pressing a kiss on her temple.

He sighed gently, looking at the room and rubbing her back gently. He thought to himself that he should avoid spending alone time with Joy as to not arouse suspicion on who he really is. The though of Y/N came back to him, and how he introduced him as Junseo instead of Namjoon, honoring his request of only calling him Namjoon in private. It was like their secret, something Namjoon both hated and loved. He loved it because it meant, for him, that he didn’t have to put a front and pretend, however, he also hated it because he didn’t want to hide who he was anymore. Especially with Y/N. Namjoon found himself thinking that the promise of getting close to someone was broken when he met Joy, and how he didn’t allow himself to do that again, until he met Y/N. He began to think about the risk he was putting himself in, and how given the circumstances, he would have told Joy, but ultimately decided that their ways being separate was the best way for them. Much like he would have done with Y/N, however, he found himself longing more time with Y/N, and somehow wishing that she was in the same circumstances as he was. But in the deepness of his heart, Namjoon knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t wish this upon someone he loved, especially not Y/N, even if it meant spending eons together, Namjoon couldn’t put Y/N in the same misery that he was in before he met her. Of loneliness and sorrow before a ray of sunshine like her greeted him.

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maochira · 20 days

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Every time I get a request from someone that's either fem reader or for the Itoshi brothers I lose a part of my motivation to write on here because it's absolutely frustrating to know how many people don't even have the decency to read my request rules or at least my pinned. It never stops happening. It's been 8 months sinve I stopped writing for the Itoshis. EIGHT MONTHS. And it's been 13 months since I started this as a no cisfem reader blog.

If you want me to write something for you to read, take the five fucking minutes to read my rules.

And you know whats funny? This only ever happens with Blue Lock requests. I only got an Ao Ashi request once from someone who didn't read my rules but they then told me they didn't do that because they were excited to find someone who writes for Ao Ashi.

Some of you Itoshi brother requesters are taking writers for granted. You think you can just jump into writers' inboxes and ask to have something written with them, without reading the writer's rules, when there is SO MUCH Itoshis x reader out there already. Same goes for fem reader stuff. I get fem reader is the most common under x reader fics but that's not an excuse to not read rules.

If you like the Itoshis/fem reader stuff and write, request, read or whatever for that this is by no means an offense towards you. This is only about the countless people who haven't been reading my rules since I stopped writing for the Itoshis in August 2023 and ever since I said I don't do fem reader in March 2023. I only added transfem to my rules a month or two ago out of spite.

Sometimes I just want to delete my Itoshi writings but. I'm proud of a couple of those. And even if I did that people would still request them.

I might return to being a gn!reader only blog because that's easier to reply when people request cis fem not lesbian reader. I rarely get requests for male, lesbian and transfem reader anyways,,, (I'll think about that. Probably gonna stay with male reader for mutuals only)

God I'm just so frustrated. Sorry for the rant post but I needed to get this out here because this happens over and over.

#💟 mao meows #cw rant

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lenievi · 1 year

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[aos spones] post-Beyond snippet

I found a thing, it’s probably like 2+ years old, but... maybe I should write a post-Beyond fic one day... it’s spones, it’s just a snippet (it’s actually about 1 600 words lol), it’s set in an AU where Spock and Uhura never dated, so don’t get confused during the first scene. STID didn’t happen but what happened at that time was that McCoy’s father died.

---

“That is why I decided to redirect my efforts and continue his work… on New Vulcan.”

The words pierced McCoy’s chest as if a wild beast cut its claws into him and opened him up. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

“You…” He wet his lips. “You’re leaving Starfleet?”

Spock looked away.

McCoy’s mind was a whirlwind of emotions and questions. He grasped the one that seemed the safest. “What did Jim have to say about that?”

“I could not find the time to tell him,” Spock replied.

“Well, I can tell you he’s not gonna like that. Hell, I don’t know what he’d do without you.” Jim was clever and resourceful, but he needed someone to bounce his ideas off. McCoy sure as hell didn’t even try to humor him most of the time. “Me—you know, me, on the other hand, I’d—I’d throw a party.” It was weak. He wasn’t fooling anyone.

Spock gave him a smile.

McCoy chuckled.

Spock shifted and their arms brushed. McCoy focused on the ring on his little finger.

“Three years ago, when my dad died… I wanted to leave. To continue his job,” he said quietly. “I didn’t join Starfleet because I wanted to. I saw a flier.” He huffed out a laugh. “Hell, even now I’m not sure I like it. But... I’m still here. Want to know why?”

Spock touched his cheek. Lightly, the tips of his fingers caressed along McCoy’s jaw before they stopped under his lower lip.

McCoy’s eyes widened. “What’re you…” he breathed out.

“Leonard,” Spock muttered, pupils dilated, mouth slightly open.

The sound of McCoy’s given name, so foreign on Spock’s lips, startled him. McCoy looked at Spock. Really looked at him and grasped his shoulders. “My god, you’re getting delirious!” McCoy maneuvered Spock and lowered him on the ground, letting his head rest in his lap. “Stay conscious. We’ll move in half an hour.”

McCoy leaned against the cave wall and looked at the ceiling. He closed his eyes, still feeling the lingering sensation from Spock’s touch on his face. What was that? What the hell was that?

Spock’s blood loss was a problem. It prevented him from entering the Vulcan healing trance. And he needed it. Badly. McCoy hoped that Spock would be able to walk soon. If they left the rocky complex, perhaps his communicator would be able to pick up something. Someone.

“Doctor,” Spock said softly.

McCoy looked down, noticing his fingers in Spock’s hair, tangled and gripping the coarse strands. He blinked, easing his grip. “Sorry.”

Spock raised his brow, and McCoy snatched his hand away.

“Sorry,” McCoy repeated, avoiding Spock’s piercing eyes.

Maybe he hit his head more than he initially thought.

Spock sat up. “I am able to move now.”

“Good.” McCoy stood up, brushing the dust away from his uniform. “Good.” He offered Spock his hand and pulled him up. “Let’s go.”

McCoy glanced at Jim. He stood alone, leaning his forearms on a high table, and watched the construction of future Enterprise-A. McCoy smiled into his glass.

Since early afternoon, Jim couldn’t stop talking, couldn’t hide his smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. McCoy had groaned and grumbled, but hearing Jim’s deep laugh and seeing his genuine smile after months, was a weight off McCoy’s mind. Even if this time the Enterprise had disappeared in the cloud of swarm and left them mourning. As they said – every cloud had a silver lining, and if the result was a happy Jim, McCoy would take it with both hands, no questions asked.

He raised his glass at Jim’s back and drank.

The sofa depressed as someone sat on his left side. McCoy turned his head and met Spock’s eyes.

“You’re still here?” McCoy asked, eyes widening.

“An illogical question, Doctor, since you can see me.”

“Aren’t you in a good mood?” McCoy smiled, just a small upturning of his lips on one side.

Eyeing the glass in McCoy’s hand, Spock said nothing.

Three years ago, shortly before their five-year mission, Spock had found McCoy drunk in his apartment in San Francisco. They had never talked about it again, but McCoy hadn’t got drunk since then.

“I know my limits,” McCoy said, putting the empty glass on the table with a soft thud.

“I did not mean to imply—”

“You didn’t.” McCoy waved him off. He leaned against the back of the sofa, turning his body towards Spock. “What’s on your mind?”

“Your ring.”

“My ring? What about it?” McCoy frowned and examined his little finger, where a thick, white gold band was. His chest tightened as he thought of its previous owner.

“Three years ago—”

“No.” McCoy shook his head. “No. We’re not doing that.”

“Doctor—”

“I have a meeting at Yorktown’s Medical Center tomorrow morning,” McCoy said, ignoring the drop in his stomach. “I should go.”

As McCoy stood up, Spock caught McCoy’s wrist.

“I apologize.” He tugged at McCoy’s hand.

McCoy lost his balance and fell on the sofa, his shoulder slamming into Spock’s chest.

Spock let out a tiny hiss through his teeth.

“You okay?” McCoy asked, moving, his thigh brushing against Spock’s.

Spock’s hand moved toward his side with a jerk before landing on his thigh, fingers curling into the fabric.

McCoy saw red. “Why didn’t you go into the healing trance?” He grasped the hem of Spock’s dark blue shirt and pulled it above the navel. The scar was an ugly green and brown, surrounded by bruises.

“My mind was otherwise occupied,” Spock said, avoiding McCoy’s gaze. “The scar is only a mild inconvenience. I’m not in danger, Doctor.”

“Mild inconvenience, my ass.” McCoy’s fingers hovered above the injury, close, but not quite touching. If he were a better pilot, the skin wouldn’t be scarred. If he had better equipment, Spock wouldn’t have to be in pain. Restoring it to its original smoothness would be a question of minutes.

Spock shifted – just a light touch against McCoy’s knee.

Blinking, McCoy moved, so his knee didn’t touch Spock’s thigh anymore, and said, “You and I are going to the hospital. Tonight.”

“That won’t be necessary, Doctor.” Spock straightened and smoothed his shirt, covering the exposed skin. “I will go into the trance tonight.”

“No, I want to examine you.”

“May I remind you that you have no authority here,” Spock pointed out. “And you cannot order me.”

Spock’s words hit McCoy with unexpected strength. Something awful coiled in his stomach as he remembered what Spock had told him back on Altamid. “Right, when are you leaving?”

“Doctor?”

“You said you were leaving Starfleet, didn’t you?” McCoy stood up. “So of course I can’t fucking order you, but it was my fault, and I need—”

Spock seized his arm in an iron grip. “Calm yourself,” Spock whispered in his ear. “The Captain is coming.”

“Problems, gentlemen?”

“None, sir,” Spock said, letting McCoy’s arm go. “Doctor McCoy just forgot to control his emotions. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Bones?” Jim’s eyes were searching.

“He ignores his health. Nothing out of the ordinary,” McCoy parroted, keeping his voice even. This was between him and Spock. No point in dragging Jim into it.

Jim studied them with a calm look. “It’s a wonder you two didn’t kill each other on Altamid,” he finally said.

McCoy rolled his eyes. If Jim thought he was being funny, he had another thing coming.

“Captain, I apologize,” Spock said, not sounding apologetic at all, “but there is something I and Doctor McCoy need to discuss.” Then the hard lines around his mouth softened. “And… happy birthday, Jim.”

Jim smiled and patted Spock on the arm, not saying anything. “Okay, go. Talk it out.” He waved his hand in a shoo motion. “I don’t want to see you arguing tomorrow at dinner.”

“Are we having dinner, Captain?”

“Do you have other plans?” Jim asked.

McCoy probably imagined Spock glancing his way before saying, “No. Dinner with you and Doctor McCoy is acceptable.”

Yet there was something off about his tone. Maybe he planned to talk to Jim tomorrow, and he didn’t want McCoy there? Hell, McCoy didn’t want to be there. Just imagining Jim’s face shattering after hearing Spock’s decision to leave the Starfleet made him want to punch Spock in the face. Stupid unfeeling bastard. At least he didn’t spring it on Jim on his birthday. That was his only redeeming quality at the moment.

“Doctor, shall we?”

McCoy nodded his goodbye at Jim and followed Spock out.

They walked in silence through Yorktown’s dimly lit streets and corridors. McCoy tried not to think about the buildings above their heads, hanging like stalactites, almost threatening to fall and bury them. When an upside-down monorail crossed the sky, McCoy shivered, thanking anyone who would listen that Spock didn’t make a comment.

“Doctor,” Spock said when they reached an empty park. “I believe we started on a bad note earlier.”

McCoy stopped, waiting for Spock to do the same. “You told me you’d heal yourself. You lied.”

“I…” Spock looked up at the artificial sky. “I received a box of Ambassador Spock’s belongings.”

McCoy wet his lips. “I can see how that’d disturb you.”

“There were things I needed to meditate on,” Spock continued and turned around, finding McCoy’s eyes. “My decision to leave Starfleet might have been made in haste.”

McCoy froze. Spock’s eyes seemed like the only thing around. The only thing in the universe. Unflinching. Making McCoy drown in them. Why was it so important that Spock didn’t leave?

“Jim will be pleased,” McCoy said, his voice rough.

“I do not plan to mention it to him.”

“You don’t?” McCoy furrowed his brows.

“What he does not know, cannot hurt him.”

That McCoy could agree with.

“However, I am sorry to rob you of an opportunity to throw another party.”

“I don’t think I’m good at throwing parties,” McCoy murmured.

Spock’s eyes were dark. Warm. The change, the softening after McCoy’s words, was almost invisible. On a different face, McCoy would miss it. But not on Spock’s.

“Perhaps it is… better there won’t be a need for it then,” Spock said softly.

McCoy nodded, and another monorail passed above their heads.

#spones #leonard mccoy #spock #star trek aos #my writing #look i read this and got a lot of feels idk even why #i believe i wrote this before i got really involved with the fandom and that's why i feel i didn't overthink as much #anyway even though it's just a snippet i hope you enjoy!#i think it's quite good actually. it still has a special place in my mind in any case

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