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#someone pls help me how to respond to ppl lmao
star-sim · 21 days
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oh wise vanya please help me apparently my year of dignity and male-lessness decided to spice things up and now i’m in a Dilemma!
a bit (a lot) of context: so around two and a half years ago there was this guy who liked me and then confessed to me, at the time i liked him a little too but i think it was mainly because i liked the idea of liking someone and someone liking me?? if that makes sense.
so he confessed to me one day and i was like “oh i like you too lol” because i literally did Not know what to do in that situation and then it was lowkey awk because we mutually avoided each other at school 💀 we were really young tho BUT THEN like a month and a half later he was said he didn’t like me anymore (HE SENT THAT OVER TEXT LMFAO…) and i responded with “okay” (i realized that i didn’t really like him at that point too so i was kind of relieved tbh) it wasn’t even a relationship because bffr we didn’t even hold hands so why was bro being all like “let’s break up 😐” like… were we ever even together be honest
it was VERY awkward after that like lmao we wouldn’t even make eye contact but then a few months later we became close friends because we were friends before (idek how atp); then he moved away during the summer because he was going to some boarding school & we still kept in contact up until last summer
he got a girlfriend in may of last year?? and ever since then i’d been VERY distant like i didn’t talk to him at ALL because i have to uphold the girl code… apparently he told his girlfriend about me though and i’ve heard from a mutual friend that she doesn’t like me that much and disliked me even more after she found out that he had a saved folder of me in his photos (that’s on him tho bc wtf 💀 that’s kind of a Red Flag of him)
anyways back to today… i opened my snapchat after 8263872 days of being dormant and apparently he texted me for the first time since JUNE three weeks ago and i unknowingly left him on sent 💀💀
now i could either: a) open his message because honestly i am morbidly curious or b) leave his message to marinate forever and leave him on sent indefinitely
which would be more girlboss because i am done w men irl 😐 send help pls
ASH!!!!
liking someone purely bc you like the idea of liking someone and them liking you back is SO REAL
UGHH he is so middle school boy love.... the "let's break up" over text when the most ygs did was probably look at each other.... pukes
youre such a girl's girl, youre SO realness for not talking to him for the sake of girl code... ugh im sorry controversial opinion it irks me when ppl are angry at their s/o's ex... like u didnt even do anything to her, is it a crime to exist. if anything, she should be mad at HIM??? like who is the one keeping pictures of their ex? not you, so why are you literally the subject of her anger. ever since new years i've been trying to tone down my d1 hater tendencies but ouuuu that makes me to annoyed on your behalf like LEAVE HER ALONE 😡
i say... open the message. see what this bitchass has to say. i'm also kinda curious too. whether or not you respond is up to you, but if youre worried about girl code, i don't see an issue? he's the one doing shady stuff, your entire existence is not tied to him and your actions are independent of him, if that's hard for him or his gf to see then they clearly aren't mature does it kill them to use critical thinking
but if you DO leave him on sent... it would be pretty funny
everyone ditch his ass he deserves no one!!!!!
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starkomens · 3 years
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Loki & Mobius: Don't give up on us, baby
i always see people headcanoning loki singing an asgardian song to mobius but
imagine mobius singing this midgardian song to him... 😭🥺💖
(and YES this is owen wilson's cover of the song so)
(also posted on my twitter!)
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blackwoolncrown · 3 years
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It really irks me to see that stuff put that way ESP when ADHD is very very frequently (if not always) latent effects of trauma.
Ppl w ADHD are spaced out/distracted/internally busy bc their sympathetic nervous system is always flipped to low grade fear.
Hence all the worrying, depression/anxiety, self-hate, negative internal monologues...
I know I say this all the time but please realize that ‘trauma’ doesn’t just mean ‘someone hit you’ or something like that.
Abandonment, neglect, not having developmental needs met or even being looked at with contempt or disgust as a child all 100% count as trauma.
Parents mocked you? Trauma. Left alone all the time as a kid? Trauma. Caregivers wouldn’t respond to your requests for help w schoolwork? Trauma. Hit, spanked, yelled at when you did something wrong (or even if you didn’t?) Trauma.
I know some of us had really physical trauma but those of you who do not pls understand it’s just as possible for you to have been traumatized in childhood AND that doesn’t necessarily even mean your parents are bad people.
It just means their parenting wasn’t good enough to fulfill developmental needs, at best, and therefore parts of your neurological development were stunted (by the trauma)
Which is why so many ppl w ADHD feel helpless, hopeless, childish etc.
It’s the trauma.
This is one of the best books on healing trauma I’ve ever read due to it’s really clear and tacit explanation of HOW types of trauma cause damage, what parts of the person are affected, and how certain responses like distractability, irritability, depression, daydreaming, monologuing, control issues etc are actually internalized 4F responses to danger-- Fight Flight Freeze Fawn.
https://www.pdfdrive.com/complex-ptsd-from-surviving-to-thriving-e183554876.html
Excellent and free, do recommend
anyway that’s why it’s actually super fucked up to think ppl w ADHD are putting ~emotional labor~ on NT partners by askng them to be open and direct with thir communication. Way to stigmatize NND trauma victims lmao
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wri0thesley · 3 years
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many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn
Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity
ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!! 
Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making
i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!
Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.
ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn
Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.
gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;
Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕
honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3. 
Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?
hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3
Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.
i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest. 
Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday
dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof. 
Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.
extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!! 
Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!
ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!
Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~
Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)
Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.
hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’. 
i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring. 
anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3 
Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!
thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3
Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.
this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3 
Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u
ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.
Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)
i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3 
Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.
honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3 
Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3
honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3
Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!
honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_; 
Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖
ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3
Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!
to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(. 
Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!
anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess! 
Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!
wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that. 
Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end
HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!). 
Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.
ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3
Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!
i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3 
Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon
i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3 
Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️
anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3
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halfhappyhooligan · 4 years
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a voltron au? in 2020? it’s more likely than you think
look. LOOK. i know that voltron is stupid and we hate it but lets be honest: everything up until season 3 was pretty good and had lots of potential !!
today i was rewatching voltron and a thought struck me: what if, instead of shiro being cloned, he was chipped and turned to the side of the galra?
so here it is, i did not blink since i thought of this
(warning, i have not seen voltron in a while and this is just knowledge i have stored in my moss brain and stuff i know from rewatching the first season)
au where shiro goes evil bc of what happens @ end of season one instead of the clone thing bc 1) haggar rly could not have made thousands of shiros after bumping into team voltron like what twice? its hella improbable and 2) just… weird
so instead they insert a chip in him that helps them spy and control him just like kuron (the clone) did minus the unlikely storytelling
eventually after the convo with sendak when he was in the pod trying to temp shirp, he does have thoughts about helping zarkon
(“im already infiltrated with the arm, i could just speed up the process by leaving now. save the team the trouble of investing in a leader that’s doomed to fail from the strart.”)
shiro ends up leaving team voltron in season 2 after zarkon goes crazy w the black lion n stuff
^^ this adds to Keith’s reasoning of joining the Blade of Marmora (shiro is his main stability and one of the main reasons he even stuck around with team voltron, so with shiro gone and keith questioning his place as the leader and paladin of the black lion, he decides the BoM is just.. what’s best for him) 
obviously lance isn’t happy with this (“you just told me that i’m a valuable member, now you don’t think YOU are? what logic is that?”)
ofc keith goes anyways
lance becomes paladin of the black lion
allura takes on the red lion
who has blue lion? ...idk this isn’t that thought out (maybe matt after pidge finds her family) (which will happen earlier in the plot since we can forget about the miniplot of black no longer responding to shiro)
enter lotor only this time he has a sidekick and what omg its shiro wow
shiro has that bigger version of his arm that was once offered to him
he’s stronger and scary, but his eyes aren’t the same, he has the strength of a galra but lacks the passion 
in the fight between lotor and zarkon, (and after, of course lots of self doubt and questioning) shiro comes between them and convinces lotor NOT to kill zarkon
then zarkon kills lotor
everyones like oh shit bc surely someone who’s life was just spared wouldn’t kill the person who seems to have the most power
but he did. bc he’s zarkon. and he’s fckn crazy.
shiro doesn’t go back to team voltron bc its too much too easily
instead he takes the place of lotor in the group of gals 
he convinces them all to rebel against the galra
eventually they teach him all about quintessence and all the shit lotor had planned that they can’t do anymore
(lotor wasn’t harvesting alteans in this universe bc what the heck even was that subplot that had little to no relevance to the main storyline?
instead he was trying to find a way to technologically bring back alteans (kinda like how allure’s dad was originally preserved in s1)
i know nothing about How Stuff Works and i dont remember much about quintessence n shit but the basic idea is that when tying in some of a persons artifacts with technology stuff and some quintessence then boom. a weird route from astral projection land to the team is created and ppl can come back or smth idfk
but lotor was never able to get the comet so shiro decides he and the gals will get that comet and try to bring back as many alteans as they can
^ all this while infiltrating as many galra fleets as possible + saving planets under galra empire
they personally visit every planet that lotor was in charge of and release them from galra control
they are able to bring back an altean (its romelle) and she talks abt her friend who lives on the balmera and they go to the balmera and its revealed that it was shay’s great grandmother so romelle asks where shay is and shay’s family is like with team voltron of course
so
they take her
obviously team voltron, the BoM and the Rebels r very hesitant to make contact but they decide to try it out
keith refuses to meet, instead he’s on the team that stands guard
reunions !! 
romelle and shay hit it off and hunk makes a dinner much like roselle’s past (allura and coran also hang out and they all vibe)
lance talks to shiro abt everything to do with keith and shiro is like dude do u??? like him?
and lance is like what? no ofc not—oh shit.
and keith ✨overhears ✨
pidge matt and shiro catch up n shit
meanwhile keith is like Hey Lance Uhhhhhh What The Fuck
they end up being like hey since we’re all here and we hate zarkon what if we make a plan to end the galra’s reign Right Now
so they do
and y’all.. it’s hella baller plan
except something is going wrong and in the middle of an attack zarkon is able to get the upper hand 
due to haggar’s magic and lance’s mental and emotional instability, zarkon is able to get in his head
everyone is trying to talk him down but they’re all under a lot of pressure
allura is also conflicted bc she wanted to be black lion bc she wanted to rub it in to zarkon’s face that she was stronger than he and that she could beat him at his own game
but the negativity and instability feeds into zarkon’s power and makes him and haggar stronger as they pull in voltron to finally take over the team and regain their status as the most powerful alien race
hunk realizes this and is like okay can y’all stop being negative? its clearly affecting them in a good way and it makes us an easier target
and pidge is like im literally a child pls i don’t wanna die i just got my family back it can’t end like this
shiro realizes what’s going on and he goes to save them
he uses all his energy, pulling in the positive memories (everything: first learning about space, becoming a teacher, meeting adam, meeting keith, first making team voltron, his friends and family--all of it) to push back zarkon and haggar’s powers and battle once more in the astral realm 
in defeating zarkon, shiro loses his life
afterwards keith enters the ship in a hurry and is like where the fuck is shiro where’s my brother what did you do what happened
and team voltron is like hey man.. we are so so sorry
and keith cries because the last thing he ever said to shiro was mean
lance feels like its all his fault since he was supposed to be a good leader
they talk about separately while hunk pidge and allura discuss
krolia is like keith we, ur family, are here for u
and axca is there and shes like um?? hey?? sry for trying to kill u bro
and he’s like i absolutely do not wanna talk i just lost my closest friend
they talk about it later
axca tells keith abt shiro finishing lotor’s work and abt bringing people back and well.. 
they use the methods to help keith visit shiro in the astral realm
shiro is like oh uh hey i was just having a drink w adam we r happy
and keith is like shiro u fuckhead why would u sacrifice urself
shiro sighs bc cmon keith you KNOW why “remember what i always said? we can’t focus on what went wrong..”
“we’ve got to figure out how to make it right” keith finishes
keith breaks tf down crying and screams apologizing
“i love u shiro. ur a like a big brother to me.”
and shiro is like yeah i know and ilyt but hey. everyone’s safe and happy. im safe and happy. & you deserve to be too. you don’t need me anymore.
so the galra rule is over and everyone goes to their respected planets
romelle and the other alteans as well as some galra babes hang in earth
romelle and shay r in an apartment together and have a garden
allura realizes she may not have been the strongest leader for voltron, and  couldn’t stop zarkon on her own but that physical strength doesn’t define her as a whole
her heart is strong enough to care for everyone, so thats what she does
allura starts running an inn for alteans filled with painted sceneries like altea in case anyone ever needs a reminder of home
when lance reunites with his family its a real tearjerker
rachel finally gets her jacket back and veronica is like So.. Axca 👀
the McClain’s host a huge party for everyone and it’s filled with lots of hugs and loud music and even tho lance was way too tired, he danced all night
he wouldn’t trade his family for the world—genetic and chosen
when hunk reunites with his parents they don’t let him out the house for hours, he tells them all about his new best friend shay as well as hundreds of his favorites stories from space
they are so, so proud of him
hunk spends the next days playing minecraft and animal crossing with pidge, giving their brains a rest from being on hyperdrive for 3 yrs straight
when pidge gets home she finally gets grounded by her mom, only being allowed to leave the house to see her old teammates
(same for matt and her dad)
(her mother cries so hard when they opened the door to the home)
the holt family holds movie nights filled with popcorn, cuddles, and tears
keith moves in with the holt family, and finally accepts that he has a home as well as a family
he often goes on trips with the BoM but mostly just stays on earth
after a Team Voltron sleepover in the altea inn keith and lance decide to get an apartment together and live their lives in love and in peace
everyone gets together once a year in celebration of shiro and the sacrifice he made for them
they use the ship to visit Astral Shiro and once they even met adam
everyone laughs and catches up and just... live their lives
everyone is happy
pls ignore any and all errors lmao
again, just a thought !! maybe i’ll write a fic abt it idk for sure but yeah
feel free to add anything <3
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isolctions · 3 years
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...........so let’s finally talk abt what the actual fucking fuck is wrong with ai’rina rue castillo, huh gang? :-)
(everyone go thank @armsdealing & @durcgs beating the anxiety out of me in order to post this info-dump.)
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...before we get into things, now’s the part where i establish a warning for triggers to be discussed in this lengthy headcanon post. there’s gonna be some talks of mental illness, slight alcohol abuse, & breaking down topics of familial abuse, mental abuse, religious abuse, emotional manipulation, and elements of non-con. be warned.
a’ight, so look. i’ve hinted in between threads & development that rue had a not-so-fantastic upbringing that impacted how she perceives herself, how she interacts with others, (in terms of her career, at least) and how she views personal relationships, but i didn’t realize how........severely her upbringing messed with her mental health until i started working through how i wanted to plot out rue’s behavior for her next album release. at first, i had the idea that she decided to take more time for herself & sort of distance herself from the public / media circus plaguing her life so that she can create much more authentic music. then i actually listened to the EP that i’m basing her album off of and thought “...oh.” THEN, i looked over old meme responses & old threads / mentions of her family and how she grew up and thought, not for the last time since piecing everything together: “....oh. oh fucking boy.”
so, that horrible realization dawning on me, let’s talk about rue’s childhood.
i wrote a thing like, two years ago almost (that upon looking for last night, i realized i didn’t actually share it w/ anyone but alex in our discord server & only mentioned a portion of it in rue’s moodboard that i made) that talked vaguely about how rue felt growing up. and it’s worth noting that...she’s the middle of ten fucking siblings. and that’s just the brothers & sisters she knew of that stayed with their mother. and on top of that, not all of those siblings are the product of rue’s father, or even rue’s mother for that matter. and it’s also worth noting that rue not only grew up in poverty, but she grew up never having any actual space that had solely been her own, or even an article of clothing that had belonged entirely to her. so naturally, as a young child, rue sort of became torn between starved for attention & wanting someone to pay attention to her (whether that be her older siblings including her in something, whatever teacher they had for the next six months to call on her for something, for her mother to miraculously show up with her unknown father in tow one day, & for literally anyone to be her friend, pls god Notice her!!!) and for people to simply leave her the hell alone. obviously, this carried into adulthood.
and branching off from the whole “lack of space” point i made, rue wound up growing up to become increasingly more private as time went on because she literally cannot remember a single moment where she wasn’t squished between a bunch of people. driving around in their minivan? rue’s packed in the middle of the second row. nowhere to sleep while on the road? rue’s smacked between gigantic older brothers & clingy little siblings. need to use to bathroom? lmao, she better off going outside!!! gotta change clothes? yeah, good luck with that. it was to the point where, when rue got her first period, she was humiliated by it — not because ‘omg, am i a woman now?? wtf is this???’, but because she ruined the one good sheet that she slept on with her sisters & they were super pissed at her and her mother withheld pay from her for weeks. >:/
already, rue grew up never having shit to herself until the record deal. but she also dealt with literally...so much abuse from her mother. rue thought this was the norm growing up, because all of her siblings faced their mother’s wrath at some point & all of them eventually learned to just deal with the shit and do what she says if they wanted to avoid it. they all compartmentalized and repressed to varying degrees. there’s a lot in which rue has repressed so deeply, she doesn’t even remember if it seriously happened or if she was just making it up bc it was so fucking bizarre for a parent to act that way towards their child, lol?? (and this behavior of “i’m just going to do what you say bc i don’t want to deal with whatever bullshit you’re up to if i say no” also carried into business / personal relationships, which is...very Yikes it’s amazing she didn’t get scammed or worse!) 
so sure, people have complimented her for her exceptional manners & her cleanliness & how quiet / polite she is & how amazing her posture is, bc seriously, this girl will never experience back problems in her life bc her posture is so on par. but where rue typically smiles / responds bashfully, she can’t exactly just up and say: “oh, yeah, my mom used to slap the shit out of me ‘til i bruised if i spoke out of turn or talked back, and if i reached for anything in the store or put my elbows on the table she’d slap a ruler against my palms ‘til i got welts, and she’d make me read verses all night without sleep if i did anything wrong and make me straighten up and kneel on rice if i slouched or took a nap in church and humiliated me in public if i so much as looked at someone of the opposite sex on the street n oh, did i mention i also cleaned houses for rich millionaire snobs from ages twelve to sixteen and if they said or did literally anything to me i wasn’t allowed to defend myself?? ya i’m real proper :)”
(and normal ppl will go: “...................what the FUCK is WRONG with you????”)
but oh man, babe, we’re not done yet!!! rue, being the product of both a highly religious and a highly exploitative household...had difficulty when she started reaching puberty & noticing her classmates. plural, because it wasn’t just boys that she began to secretly have crushes on / fantasize abt, sexually or domestically. she also realized, oh shit, that she started looking at girls differently too. and that literally put the fear of god into her heart, bc if her mother ever found out that she was having non-platonic feelings for the girls in her classrooms, she wasn’t going to be pissed. her mom might have actually tried to kill her. or have her exorcised or something. she knew the shit would be severe, and she wanted no fucking parts of her mother or her siblings inserting the church into her personal life, thank u very much! so rue started suppressing her romantic feelings for people to the point where if adult rue receives intimacy, she’s like “...is this allowed? is this not illegal??????” while simultaneously being like “i will be a slut. just this once. as a Treat to teenage me. :>” regardless, rue learned to molotov cocktail literally any emotion or thought she had, bc she was paranoid that it would give her mother a vision.
now, onto the perils of exploitation...she should’ve been used to it really, what with her mother forcing herself & siblings to lure customers into their shop with promises of visions and palm readings and the wonders of the cards and overexerting their abilities. same with housekeeping, like being of service to people was normal! but when seventeen year old rue decided to sign a record deal and break from home, she wasn’t thinking critically about what the fuck all of this would entail. and as described in this headcanon post abt her discography, her early music was the product of allowing people much older & powerful than you to influence your work & manipulate your values. so rue was very much parading around as someone she wasn’t, someone much more confident and badass and self-assured than she really was, and she was so impressionable back then that it literally makes her sick to think back on it now. she calls it her puppy phase and phrases the eagerness to please execs as ‘tongue wagging’. homegirl hardly even knew her name anymore, bc all she was and all she would ever be was rue, the star, the vocal temptress. not ai’rina, the help or ai’rina, the seer, ai’rina, the weak little nobody. but later on, the subtle manipulation was less about decision making & how they wanted her to sound, and more about how they wanted to present the latest trophy star — because after all, she was pretty. people liked her. she sung really well. suitors weren’t too far off into the distant future. so why not kill two birds with one stone by having a high ranking label artist keep tabloids talking by being seen in public with a few heart throbs? surely, there’s no harm in manipulating an eighteen/nineteen year old’s love life! under the guise of improving her social skills & relations with fellow artists and the media and the like, rue gave into the pressures and let herself be taken out on dates & seen at awards shows with a few guys. no big deal. it was only for a night or so, she could handle the attention. then, one night appearances turned into week long appearances. pretending to date for only a month! completely innocent, positive exposure. :)
(adult rue, looking back @ younger rue: you stupid fucking BITCH-)
yeah, so once her label/management realized that she was turning into a hot commodity, they lost no sleep at allowing their nineteen year old artist to be seen ‘dating’ 20-24+ year old men occasionally. and whatever happened after their public appearances were none of their business. plus, she was good at pretending and being arm candy — so rue experienced her first kiss, her first dates, and her first times with people who she’s almost certain hardly remember their time with her, and really only got involved with her for a mutual career boost. very few of them does she actually remember in a positive light, and the ones that were positive, still depress her bc lmao all of it was fake, even if they were really nice & made it less like a chore and more like they actually wanted to be with her!! even fewer of them were actual relationships. meaning, said person asked her out of their own volition, not bc their managers thought it’d be a decent match on camera. it was evil, really, what her old label made of her. (like, she makes funny jokes that her first time having sex was awkward bc she had a vision halfway through that bummed her out but in reality it was just...really more of a transaction that made her feel icky n progressively worse abt herself until it happened more often and now she just doesn’t care anymore. sex is just sex, u know?? everything’s fake. why you gotta make it personal.) this whole fiasco took over the larger part of rue’s career from like, age nineteen to age twenty-two or so, and she suffered dramatically from this because what is even a genuine, authentic relationship at this point? what do u mean you want to get to know me? did ur manager tell you to ask so many damn questions & try to get to know me? obviously you want something from me bc that’s why everyone gets into a relationship or has sex with me, stop confessing feelings for me u fucking loser. >:/
like...rue doesn’t even have friends. outside of her relationship with marcelo / @armsdealing​ (which, AGAIN, i think was initially arranged to promote her song be honest, how fucking IRONIC), rue does not have any personal relationships with anyone. i mean, she likes her latest management team since switching labels...her hair stylist is rly cool & her make up artist is fun to vacation with...she met a few other celebrities at events that she occasionally texts & has dinner with...yeah, she’s basically a pretty hermit. her family is more or less out of the question — the few brothers & sisters she does still have a positive relationship with (like, four of them lol), they don’t see each other in person often / mainly communicate via groupchat and facetime calls when all of them have time. she tried visiting with her mother over the years, but the verbal & emotional abuse/curses placed on her/accusations of being an imp of satan for singing to the public/memories of being forced to perform psychic shows & clean for chump change keeps her from trying to mend that relationship. like, being gaslit by ur mother isn’t really the vibe, u know? and bottom line, rue simply is a very shy and socially stunted individual who does not know how to communicate like a normal human being anymore. hell, her life revolves around pretending for strangers at this point!
now, onto how...all of That ties into her behavior / state of mind during this next album. so, after riding the wave of success from her third album & the circus that came with that. rue sort of had a fucking existential crisis. came out of absolutely nowhere. (not nowhere — one of her brothers called her out of the blue and called her ai’rina and she literally went “who the fuck is that?”) told her label that she was taking some time in between albums bc she was creatively zapped or whatever bullshit excuse she came up with that somehow worked bc this new label was a little more understanding than the last. vacationed for a little, did some hot girl shit, bought a house, tried to see her mother again for whatever reason then got the shit slapped out of her and finally screamed at her to never touch her again unless she wanted to Throw Hands. cried and got drunk abt it. that took six months. bullshat to her label again, dropped like two songs to smooth things over, decided to focus on magic for a little to ground her, started partying with label mates then going home shitfaced & hungover every other morning. that took eight months. dropped one last song, promptly deleted her twitter, tried to write songs again, got a call from her mother and panicked and got drunk. that took a year. vacationed some more, got even drunker, was bed ridden for like three months because holy shit i’m having so many visions and if i see One More Thing my brain is going to explode, couldn’t separate the present from the future for weeks after that, told absolutely no one about that, cried every day & had an identity crisis, dyed her hair to appease the identity crisis goblins. that took a year and a half.
now, she just chilling. dyed her hair again. scaring her siblings halfway to death bc she keeps going on benders & sending cryptic texts abt the visions she’s getting but they’re so incomprehensible that they’re seriously considering moving in to get her fucking shit together. had a vision that she was married with kids and had a two week identity crisis appeased only by moving houses. (she was in a neighborhood with families...too much Drama and visions. turned into a really cool song tho.) started calling herself by her birth name of ai’rina in private. reactivated twitter to send cryptic tweets that her album is coming. working on said album. trying to drink less but kinda failing bc how is one simply supposed to make a highly personal dual album without alcohol??? prbly somewhere crying in marcelo’s lap or smthn. just vibes.
like...i feel like, in my head, the Theme of her project is wrapped up in identity. her relationship with fame and whatnot. trying to coax her childhood self out of its’ shell so that she can function like a normal goddamn person for once and re-establish her values. like, if someone went to any of rue’s residences right now, it’s just songbooks everywhere and wine glasses and her crystals and shit, bc she still has people’s futures to read for money. (yes, she never really got out of that portion of her childhood, but hey it pays.) it was all very confusing to experience at once while in bed at four in the morning & even though i tried organizing and debated on this, it’s still a Lot. which is why i am once again asking for plots that would allow her to dissect all these Things
so yeah. album four otw, with a side of confronting our childhood & facing our traumas!
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1eos · 4 years
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Hi kendra from a capricorn to a virgo do you have any tips on how to stop being the Therapist FriendTM? this shit is tiring 😭 btw love your blog keep being the funniest person on here
i DO have tips 🚶‍♀️ the past few yrs have been me learning how to stop too
-firstly nd maybe most importantly just make everyone respect your time? i used to make myself available for my friends 24/7 nd that was a bad idea bc if i didnt answer a text abt how they were sad instantly they would get mad at me so what i learned to do was tell everyone that i put my phone on do not disturb at a certain time so if i dont respond im getting ready for bed OR if i was busy/not in the right head space i would text back nd tell them i see their messages but im busy so ill get back to u in a second
-stop giving advice all the time. as the mom(tm) friend u want to dive in nd give advice or fix stuff but we gotta stop trying to fix EVERYTHING! what i do is i ask my friends if they just want to vent or if they want advice. nd if i feel like something is way beyond me i say ‘im not comfortable trying to give advice on this may i suggest talking to x,y,z’. i feel like showing ppl that u dont have all the answers would help make them realize youre not a mom or a therapist you're just a FRIEND
-have a threshold of caring. this doesnt happen often but ik everyone has that one friend that complains nd complains nd doesn’t want to get better they just want to complain until someone else fixes their shit. well what i do is after it becomes clear that they don’t want to fix a situation i tell them straight up that im only gonna listen to them drag everyone down w their issues WE’VE ALREADY TALKED ABT 3 more times. i have a close friend nd he hates his job w his dad so much but he’s not even TRYING to look for a new job nd after a yr of complaining there’s nothing i can do but tell him straight up that he’s stagnating nd there’s no more advice or help i can offer. its on him. u dont need to rude abt it ofc just be very honest. tell them u there’s nothing anyone can say/do until THEYRE ready to change. if they get mad at you even if ure nice abt it that’s a sign that theyre not a good friend tbh
-nd lastly. this is something i JUST learned how to be honest enough to do but just tell ur friends how u feel! if u have friends that care abt u they’ll understand when u tell them that ure overwhelmed with your own feelings/life so that u can’t  always be there for every small thing going on in their lives nd that u might answer messages slowly/not be able to hang out to listen to them complain all the time/etc BC u need to worry abt u! nd again there’s a very sincere nd nice way to say this obvs lmao nd if ur friends have an issue w you taking time for yourself then again they aint shit!
-basically try to open up an honest conversation w your friends? i find that the main reason we get stuck as the therapist friend is that we’d rather keep our problems to ourselves nd ppl see that as a sign that we have everything together when we don’t nd then WE feed off of helping others bc it makes us feel accomplished nd wanted when u shouldnt have to bear the burdens of everyone else to be a part of a friendship. relationships should be mutual giving nd taking! learning to be more vulnerable should make others see u as human nd u deserve to be able to ask for help from others :) i hope this helped im on this journey w u too anon pls know ure not alone 💖
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ok SO I got an anon I wasn’t gunna respond to but I'm enjoying a vegan chocolate banana cookie dough thc/cbd infused smoothie I invented so fuck it, let’s do this
this isn’t gunna be eloquent at all and I hope what im intending to say comes off correctly. may not, my brain is mush- but here we go!
so last night/technically this morning I reblogged a lot from this brilliant intersexism blog. (highly recommend giving a follow!) which led to...a bizarre ass anon this morning (I'll make another post linking to her blog so ya’ll can follow. she doesn’t need to deal w/ this post after everything else she deals w/ on here- unless u want to ofc!! hi ur cool! ANYWAY...)
I don’t remember the exact wording but it was something like “so ud rather have sex w intersex ppl over trans ppl??”
ummm. I literally never said shit about sex w/ intersex ppl?? like, ever.
was that supposed to be some huge “gotcha!!” ??
‘cause it didn’t work, at all.
1. my body is not a democracy
2. why r ya’ll obsessed w sex as validation
3. ur rly gunna ask me, essentially, if I'd rather be intimate w a deranged narcissistic reality denying manic OR a person with an intersex disorder...and u rly think I'm gunna be like OH NO I’D RATHER HAVE SEX W A MANIAC???
like...it’s rly not ab sex at all but did u RLY think that was gunna work in ur favor somehow?? and if u did, why did u think so? could it be bc u use intersex ppl as pawns for ur arguments but then don’t actually consider them ppl that can be in loving and intimate relationships? do u rly think this is activism? do you feel no shame?? you should be fucking embarrassed. this is so embarrassing for you. 
something ya’ll don’t realize: I worked at a center that offered therapeutic services, std testing, & peer activity groups for lgbtiapqbdsmnlmnop folxxxx
I know how ya’ll speak to your therapists, to your peers when you think no one is listening, I watch ya’ll take credit for things u did NOTHING for, I've watched your violence against anyone who disagrees with you (INCLUDING about tv show characters...like, come on..) Adult trans women using fake IDs to try to get into youth events...and then get MAD AT ME when I have to kick A WHOLE ASS HALF DRESSED MAN GRINDING ON THE FLOOR out of an event for CHILDREN... this is beyond just Tumblr. you’re also like this irl. and often, somehow, even fucking worse.
I had far less intersex clients BUT ya know who wasn’t throwing tantrums, being violent, trying to take credit for things they didn’t do, starting fights, sneaking into events to get near minors?? my intersex clients! NOT ONCE. AND  let’s be real...my intersex clients had good fucking reason to be furious and there were absolutely times that I would not have blamed them in the slightest for slapping tf out of someone...but they didn’t. not once. (ngl tho if they did I would have “not seen” what happened tbh bc I am a very responsible adult lmao- I can say this now bc I left the field so it matters not at all for my career)
ya know who would stay after hours, silently crying in rage bc of the shit trans clients said to them? my intersex clients (the big one was trans ppl telling them they’re lucky they get to ~~choose~~ their sex)
ya know who took the time to use open activist hour to build presentations to teach the LARGELY ENTIRELY INEPT staff (myself included, more below) about intersex issues so the people who come after them can get better help than they were able to receive?? I'll give you one guess. 
I left academia and working in the field w/ ppl bc of my experiences at this place & the direction this tender gender trender shit is taking academia. Intersex people deserve so much fucking better than even having to HEAR this bullshit. I would only go back into the field to work with women & intersex individuals. Probably as a volunteer though, but I digress
I worked there when all these new words were coming out too like demisexual android identified diaper baby or whatever the fuck lmao and the trans clients would be FURIOUS when anyone didn’t know wtf it meant
and in contrast our intersex clients were constantly explaining shit to staff/interns/volunteers about their conditions that they should never have had to explain TO THE PROFESSIONALS WHO WERE THERE TO HELP THEM. and I can’t even lie and pretend I fucking knew much, I didn’t. I was hired without even knowing i’d be working w intersex clients- I just needed to show I knew some trans buzzwords. but I put in the time to learn, I read every book any client recommended, any article they emailed me- but honestly that STILL ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH!!!! I should NOT have been hired!!! MY BOSS should not have been hired!!! Actually, the only staff members that actually deserved their job was an gay intersex man. OT but he was so cool and smart and hilarious and like FUN ANGRY like idk how to explain that better lol he was good at getting u pumped up ab shit & good at getting ppl worked up enough to DO something. The only other staff member who actually cared and knew anything was a lesbian woman (of course) but she had recently had a baby and became so afraid for the welfare of her wife and daughter that she went along w trans shit that she KNEW was delusional and unhealthy bc we SAW these trans clients being violent on the Regular. we were legally obligated to call the cops several times. she wasn’t wrong to be afraid but I do think she should have tried to work elsewhere if she could no longer do her job with integrity but that’s a conversation for another day.
agh im just gunna end this post now bc I can rly go on and on but I'll leave the post with this question that I'd very much like an answer to:
how can we as activists be of better service to our intersex sisters? this issue is becoming more and more pressing and I can’t sit back and do nothing for them anymore. does anyone know of intersex only orgs that need volunteers or have suggestions?? PLS LET ME KNOW. I won’t go back to where I was but there’s GOTTA be SOMETHING I can do for the intersex community. let’s figure it out <3 this issue very seriously needs the attention of radical feminists tbh so...let’s do something.
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hwangskz · 4 years
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in another life (pt. 1) | soulmate! minho
part 1 of the uwma! au series !!!! i was so excited to get this up bcs, if u hadn't realised alrdy, i LOVE uwma with my entire heart :( (ps if any of u watch any bls or even just uwma pls hmu thank u) and pls read this post b4 or after ur done reading this fic so u don't get confused in the next part!! +++ tw suicide !
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• "y/n….do u like him?"
• ur automatically reminded of the time u first met
• u remember it as clear as day
• u both had taken film as ur major and on the first day, ur college held a lil gathering
• u picked up the nearest headband and read it's label
• 'belle'
• so….were u supposed to find ur beast now???? JSGSSHE THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID
• BUT UR RUNNING OUT OF TIME !!!!!!
• "10 seconds to find ur partner!!!!"
• u looked around bcs u were NOT standing in front of that huge crowd, later trying to find ur partner
• when a boy caught ur eyes
• he stood on the side, his hand limply holding the blue headband as he looked around
• and he looked ?? sad :( ??
• "last 5 seconds!!!"
• u turned around one last time and ?? EVERYONE HAD FOUND THEIR PARTNERS ALREADY??
• so u RAN towards that boy
• and caught him off guard as u pulled him down to sit on the ground as the announcer continued talking and giving out future tasks 
• "hey."
• "???"
• wow this boy is worse than YOU at communicating
• "are u sure we're partners??"
• "..."
• "right, yea. i was the one who dragged u..haha..sorry.."
• so u pulled his hand up to view his headband
• 'prince adam'
• u probably looked really confused rn bcs u just made the guy speak up
• "beast."
• u looked up, OBVIOUSLY confused
• this new voice box working??? wonder whose it is
• ":o huh?????"
• he sighed and held it up for u
• thank u nameless boy bcs ur hands kinda WERE getting tired JDKHD
• "prince adam is the real name of the prince in disney's beauty and the beast."
• ":OOO REALLY???? wait but how do u know"
• "..... google?"
• "... RIGHT sorry haha"
• even after the lil gathering ended and u got to go to ur class
• ur mind was still thinking abt the guy
• u probably didn't even notice u had entered the class w that DULL ASS look until
• "ouc- WHO THE F-???????"
• "still in ur dreams?? lmao dumbass"
• ":O SHIN RYUJIN"
• "this group needed the following of a sane person so im here too. hello to u too, y/n"
• "MISS YEJI??? PEOPLE THAT I KNOW AND CHERISH????? ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ OMG HELLO TO U TOO"
• and there it was, once again, ryujin trying to get ur over affectionate ass off of her as yeji laughs 
• well iN UR DEFENSE, U MISSED UR BEST FRIENDS AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE TERRIFIES U
• and when u take a seat
• u can't help but follow the movements of the boy who enters the class
• his moves aren't rushed; they seem calm. too calm.
• and that's when u hear all the whispers around u
• "is that blood on his shirt? is he already following in his dad's footsteps?"
• ‘what footsteps?’
• "i heard he dragged his partner today for the freshman gathering today?"
• ‘but i was the one who dragged him..then how-’
• "y/n?"
• "h-huh?" 
• yeji's third call woke u up from ur train of thoughts
• "are u ok?"
• "yea.. i'm fine. dw!!"
• "see i told u they’re thinking abt their fantasy boys and/or girls again it's fine"
• "WH- EXCUSE ME I DON'T FANTASISE!!!!!"
• "yes y/n l/n i totally believe that"
• "SHUT UP RYUJIN"
• ur group's laughters echo in the room, along w the other friend groups'
• except for that boy who now sits in front of u
• u wonder if he's waiting for his friends
• but they never seem to show up
• even though it's alrdy been over 5 months now
• and that pretty boy in front of u is DISTRACTING u from the lesson (๑•ૅㅁ•๑) !!!!!
• and this one particular day..yeji and ryujin were absent..
• so u were kinda lonely anyways
• and hearing ppl continue to whisper abt that guy..it made u wanna talk to him again
• u don't know exactly why ?? but u did
• so u gathered up ur stuff from ur desk
• and sat at the desk next to his
• and immediately u could hear the whispers getting a bit louder
• and he ducked his head and turned towards u
• and u decided to ignore those words, and looked at him, with a bright smile on ur face
• "don't worry about them. i'm here now."
• it was something abt u
• something abt those words that made him feel some type of way
• he took in a deep breath as he looked down and then looked at u again
• "......thank you, i guess"
• u nodded and he turned towards his work
• a small smile on his face
• he had found someone
• "so?"
• ryujin asked u, bringing u back from ur flashback
•"yea..i think so.."
• yeji and ryujin sighed
• ur mind : ALERT
• IS IT BAD??? THAT U LIKE HIM???? (๑´╹‸╹`๑) ??
• "y/n...do u not know abt him..?"
• "(o゜ー゜o)??"
• they share a Look and turn towards u, worried looks on their faces
• OK YEA IT PROBABLY IS,,
• "he's the son of a mafia... that's why ppl talk abt him in such..hushed tones..and basically isolate him"
• "and look y/n..we know that isolating him is truly bad, but maybe get a little away? from him? what if u get involved in smthg bad?"
• u...ur honestly a lil shocked
• not fully by the news that his dad is a mafia
• but by the fact that they think something bad can happen when ur with him
• with HIM
• "but it's his dad who is a mafia. he's not at all like that !! he's a bit shy, and is just scared to express himself. and don't worry, yeji. i am not going to get myself in trouble"
• they muttered an "okay" and leaned back against their chairs again
• "but wait.."
• ryujin spoke up again
• "when did u even hangout w him? enough to, well, get feelings for him?"
• "uh well..that day both of u were absent, i went and sat w him in class..then shared some of my lunch w him when i saw him on the rooftop..and kind of having been bringing him lunch and staying w him..during that time.."
• they laughed, and u could feel the tension easing away
• "never knew y/n's a dom lmao"
• "they seem like a switch tho"
• "SHUT UP"
• and so u did join the guy 
• (who's name u had learned to be lee minho)
• whenever u found him to be lonely
• and even tho minho seemed to be against the whole idea of u joining him all the time
• trust me he's a whole softie inside
• he just ;;;; he gets so happy whenever u come by
• and not just bring him lunch
• and not only during lunch breaks
• but all the time
• whenever he passes by u
• u always greet him, and 
• wave at him and u just feel like a shield from everyone and all the bad things everyone says and he just
• he can't thank u enough
• but it's not just that
• and he knows that
• even when he sees u coming towards him in the library
• sneaking in some food bcs it IS lunch
• so technically u ARE supposed to bring him food
• "hey !! :D"
• u take the chair in front of him
• and take out the food, both of urs, and shove his one towards him
• "WHY-"
• minho shushes u and u turn around to look if u made anyone else angry
• and perhaps...... u DID.... AJSBBE
• so u just duck ur head as an apology and the furious students go back to studying
• "why are u studying rn???? it's lunch!!!!!"
• "ok and??"
• "rest is important!!"
• "what makes u think i haven't rested enough alrdy?"
• "well i've seen u w the book the ENTIRE DAY ??"
• minho sighs, but then perks his head up
• "u..u watch me..?"
• "!! im not a STALKER-"
• minho shushes u again and ur pretty sure the other students r staring daggers at u rn JDVSJE
• "-im not a stalker,, ur in my class.. right in front of me.."
• minho chuckles silently at ur words
• "sure"
• u were flustered until u realised u just
• u just made the biggest tsundere chuckle
• c h u c k l e
• "did u just …….. chuckle at me…….."
• minho looked down, scared to meet ur eyes bcs shit ur rite
• "no…….what makes u think that………"
• u giggle at his failed attempt to delete that successful moment from ur memory
• minho smiles a little
• he was so happy
• even tho it was abt u
• even tho u had made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that u like him
• like at random times u would be like
• "damn i can't believe i fell for u"
• or
• "oh good lord!! i always try to hangout w the guy i like but he pretends to not like spending time with me!!!!!!! what did i do to deserve this !!!!!!"
• and in these situations what does minho do??
• LAUGH .
• he LAUGHS
• just a bit bcs he's still under that tsundere cover JSGSJSB
• but like !!!!!!! in his defense !!!!!!!
• HE DIDNT KNOW IF U TRULY MEANT IT !!!!!!!
• MAYBE U LIKE HIM JUST AS A FRIEND !!!!!!!!!!!!
• AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN THIS FRIENDSHIP !!!!!!!!
• that too w his first ever friend..................
• little did he know he was truly so engrossed in his thoughts that he had stopped eating and had been staring at the sky above for like ??? more than 5 mins now ??
• "MINHO ???????"
• he flinched and moved away a bit at the sound of ur voice suddenly piercing his thoughts
• "w-what"
• "bitch i thought u died or smthg...u have been staring above for so long pretty sure some flies even touched ur food and it's now UNHYGIENIC"
• his eyes met urs and, as if he got some idea, he suddenly kept his lunch box away to look at u
• "wait im pretty sure the flies didn't sit on the food!!!! it was a joke-"
• minho exhaled loudly before he spoke
• "y/n?"
• "yes…?"
• "can i ask u smthg…..?"
• "sure!!"
• minho inhaled sharply before continuing
• "do u ever feel uncomfortable? when ur with me?"
• u thought for a while, before giving him a smile and answering him
• "why would i? idk if ur referring to the rumors here...or if they're supposed to be involved here but...they don't affect me. firstly, i don't even know if ur dad truly is a part of the mafia-"
• "he is."
• minho was staring at u intently, wondering how u'll respond to this
• "well, uh, nice for him? i guess? but it's him right? not u? then there's nothing to worry about."
• minho shook his head as he tried to look anywhere but at u
• "but what if u ever get in trouble? bcs of me?"
• "that's on me. not u. and if it's through u, or if u ever get in trouble or smthg-"
• u picked his hand up, holding it tightly, which seemed to catch him off guard
• "-i will protect u."
• he could do nothing but give u a soft smile, before turning his head away
• and so did u bcs damn y/n since when did u become so confident huh JDVSJE
• so u decided to go for it
• "y/n, will u be my partne-"
• u gently pecked his lips before moving away real QUICK JSGEJE
• WAS HE ABT TO CONFESS ???????????
• WHY ARE HIS EYES WIDENED LIKE THAT?????????? DID U
• OH NO U DID SOMETHING WRONG DIDN'T U
• "i-i'm sorry….i didn't mean to-"
• and u looked up in time, only to see minho leaning in, before he connected his lips to urs
• it was a slow kiss
• it took u a while to get the fact into ur head that he's right here
• he is kissing u
• and so u snaked ur arms across his shoulders, as he held u tight, even closer
• and when u both pulled away
• both of u were flushed red
• and it did feel kinda quiet so u just
• "damn im glad we have lunch on the rooftop, huh"
• minho chuckled as he moved away
• "kinda ….. yes"
• and so for the next months u continued to tease him with this JDGSJS
• even tho yall are technically dating now uwu
• but he never tells u he likes u
• which is : frustrating
• bcs u !!!!!! UR THE BIGGEST OVERTHINKER EVER !!!!!!
• ENOUGH TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP !!!!!!!!!
• and the fact that EVEN THO he's ur bf and u KNOW it, u continue to be curious if he even likes u :(
• so u just slam ur spoon on the table
• which makes him look up
• "what? is the ramen too spicy?"
• u shoot ur head towards him, a pout on ur face
• "do u like me?"
• ".........what"
• JSHSKWKKW
• Y/N PLS
• "u never….u have never said u like me…...and yea sure im not supposed to question this bcs ur my boyfriend and i know that but im sorry i overthink alot and it's just me saying i like u all the time but not u and i just can't help but-"
• "i …….. i like."
• "huh?"
• u shoot ur head upwards at minho, who now gets up to keep his empty bowl in ur kitchen sink, with a grin along ur face
• "u heard me."
• and u wish u could still be as happy as u were on this day
• when he first confessed
• well, half-confessed
• but u couldn't be
• even as he stood in front of u, saying that he loves u
• and he's grateful for u
• u couldn't stop the tears that continued to stream down ur cheeks
• ur eyes could only focus on the gun that he held right beside his temple
• his dad used to send people behind minho whenever u two went on a date
• "he wants me to go on w his job after he resigns" minho had once told on one of ur dates
• "do u want to?"
• "no, obviously-"
• he held ur hand in his
• "i want to be with u"
• then why
• why was he standing there, with that gun
• that stupid gun aimed at his temple?
• today while u had closed ur eyes, wishing for something, like minho had told u when he brought that birthday cake for u out of nowhere while u and minho were having ur date
• u opened ur eyes when u heard a muffled voice screaming loudly
• only to find it was minho's
• which confused u when u saw the hand covering his mouth
• but surprised u, when u saw his dad standing right behind him
• he kept pulling minho away from u
• minho yelled, tried to free himself away
• but couldn't
• until u yelled at his dad to stop
• and minho dropped on the ground, with his wrists red from being grasped so tightly
• u went on and on abt how he has made minho feel and what minho truly wants
• u had shut ur eyes out of fear
• but u had opened them to see what minho truly wants
• death ;
• an escape
• from all of this
• and so he spoke one more time
• "y/n. remember, i love you, okay? i….i'll always keep my promise."
• and then, a gunshot.
• u weren't sure if time had stopped or if it was just u frozen
• but u could only hear a beep sound going in ur ears as his body dropped on the ground
• limp.
• and at once u leapt towards him, sobbing, u fell to ur knees, ur hands grazing his cheeks and gently hitting his chest
• "y/n…. i don't know how to go on…"
• he had told u this months ago, when u guys had been dating for abt 5 months then
• "minho, we'll always be together, no matter what. i, at least, will be there for u, always."
• minho had looked at u with tears in his eyes 
• he rlly was so stupidly in love w u
• "but what if i...die...someday?"
• u sighed and turned to look at the night sky
• at least none of his dad's assistants had found out abt ur place yet
• (thankfully)
• u turned to look at him again
• "then...i'll die too."
• so that's what u were gonna do
• u searched for the pistol, as u blinked several times to focus properly
• when u finally found it, ur hands shakily reached for it
• and then as u aimed it at ur own temple
• the last part of that conversation popped into ur head again
• "then, will we meet each other in next life?"
• minho thought abt it for a few secs
• "probably"
• u nodded
• "i once heard that...when u fall for someone at first sight, it probably just means that we're recognising our partner's soul from our past life….do u think that will happen w us? do u think we'll…. we'll recognise each other?"
• "...i hope so…."
• u both let out a stifled laugh
• and so u stick ur pinky finger out, asking for his 
• "minho."
• "yes?"
• "promise me."
• "promise what?"
• "promise that…...that we'll find each other.."
• minho was abt to argue w u but seeing ur lil pout
• he had no choice but to agree
• "promise."
• and so, another gunshot was heard.
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I hate feeling this way maybe you can tell me if I’m wrong for feeling this way so I’m gay and I just hate when you KNOW someone isn’t LGBT and they kinda vaguely dance around telling you what they identify as ya know?? And I totally get not everyone likes labels I’m iffy on identifying as guy I like qu**r if I’m being honest and I totally get bi/pan ppl can absolutely have a preference of gender but I just HATE when people (mostly girls) like to think being lgbt+ is a cute and quirky thing 1/?
2/? and I hate that I feel so bad bc I don’t wanna gatekeep idk what’s going on in their head but can you ever just look and know they’re cishet? I know ppl who I have only ever heard talk about men and to be with men and “when I have a husband” “I need a man who...” and I just sit there like !!! U r not lgbt!!? I hate feeling like that but bc like I totally support people and sexuality is confusing and fluid for some people but it makes me feel like it’s something they say to be “different”
last one and it’ll probably be short. it’s a gray area I try not to dwell on it too much bc not my business and all but It makes me feel like my sexuality is a fetish or something idk I try to tell myself the people I know who I’m describing have every right to label how they want but just bc you’re willing to kiss a girl to be “wild!!” Or for your bf Does not make you lgbt sorry to bombard you hopefully I made sense?? Idk I really hate feeling so negative and try to stop myself help pls
**If there was another part to this ask, I didn’t get it; Tumblr ate it.**
So I apologize. I got this ask last night and was in the middle of answering it, but I fell asleep and my computer died while I was asleep. To be fair, by that point, I had been awake for over 36 hours lmao. I also might’ve smoked a little (because Pride W R E C K E D my body and I pushed myself past my limits for it), so that contributed to the sleepiness lmao.
ANYWAYS!! Firstable, you don’t have to censor queer, not on this blog anyway. If you do it for yourself, that’s fine, but this blog is queer as fuck so I don’t censor that; I’m not censoring my identity for anyone lmao. 
Second, I hate people who make jokes like that as well. It makes me feel like they don’t consider anything involving our identities to be legitimate or serious. Our relationships, our attractions, our genders, etc. feel like they’re just jokes for cishets. Because yeah, some people do joke like that just so they can seem “different” because they know that their friends aren’t actually gonna take it seriously and will just see it as humorous. They just do it for attention. I knew a girl in high school who would make out with other girls just for people to watch 😑 So yeah, that kind of stuff is bothersome. 
I don’t know how to help you not be upset by this though. I still get upset about stuff like this, but it’s not like... as intense?? as you, I guess. However, that might be because I’ve had years of practice ignoring all the petty shit cishets do and say. My best advice for you is to call them out, let them know why that’s not okay, and if they respond negatively and ignorantly, don’t bother with them anymore. If they’re just gonna be dismissive towards you, walk away right there. You can continue to call others out, but walk away from those who won’t listen because they clearly aren’t gonna change anytime soon. You can’t spend all your energy being angry at the same people who refuse to change. Educate whoever is willing to listen and forget anyone who won’t. Do not waste your time and energy on people who don’t care to learn.
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casworan · 5 years
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❝ pride was fed to him from a silver spoon and now that he’s grown up, he’s grabbed the spoon and fed his ego some more. ❞ THOMAS HAYES? No, that’s actually CASWORAN ROWLE. Only EIGHTEEN years old, this SLYTHERIN alumni works as a PHILANTHROPIST and is sided with THE DEATH EATERS. HE identifies as A CIS MAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be SNOBBISH, ENTITLED, and CRUEL but also DISCIPLINED, METICULOUS and CHARISMATIC. 
LINKS: stats, pinboard, playlist. CHARACTER PARALLELS: schmidt (new girl), henry winter (the secret history), alistair ryle (the riot club), chad radwell (scream queens), chad charming (descendants) --- (how are two of these named chad wtf) HELLO uh just a heads up that i donut condone any of the behaviour this shithole throws into the world. yikes! also there’s some triggers in here for abuse and terminal illness, but they will be marked <3 
history
let’s get one thing straight --- emrick rowle and hemera rosier did not love each other when they married each other and they knew about it. they both agreed that their marriage was a good choice, a smart move, that it would benefit both and --- well, they both had ambition streaming through their veins, so the choice was made easily. they married, for political reasons, for money, but absolutely not for love. 
casworan was born a year into their marriage and was the perfect son. he wasn’t given a welsh name like so many rowles before him had, but a cornish one, celebrating hemera’s mother’s cornish ancestry. 
casworan means one who is powerful in battle, which emrick liked. he wanted a soldier, a pawn, a piece in his great chess match that was the world.
cas is a cousin to genie, wes and lo, and also to seren on his mother’s side.
and casworan’s parents might not love each other, they did love him. his mother’s love was doting and smothering, but genuine and unconditional.  his father’s was conditional, and based on expectations and constantly changing from hot to cold. emrick raised casworan to the perfect heir, the perfect son, the perfect pawn.
emrick rowle is a strategist, but also a coward. he uses his money and influence to pull strings behind the scenes, but is never the one to publicly call the shots. casworan is his son, but he’s also ... another piece in the game. he’s the person who’ll pick up where he left off, and emrick won’t leave everything to someone he does not trust and respect.
hemera is evan rosier’s daughter, by the way, and by no means a sweetheart, but a better parent. compared to emrick, the standard is quite low but still --- she is a better parent, and casworan is a complete momma’s boy. 
so casworan grows up --- spoiled dirty and loved by both parents. he learns languages (french and kernowek from his mother, latin and english grammar and such from a tutor), learns to play the violin, learns about his family’s history and legacy and how it intertwines with the rest of the history of the wizarding world, learns about blood purity and how one day he and his parents will rise above all the unworthy members of their society. he takes it all up and questions nothing, both because he has no reason to, and because his parents are convincing.
abuse tw (verbal and physical) // that’s not to say life was perfect. there was always a certain coldness at home. the lack of love between cas’ parents was clear to him from a young age, and it’s quite a strange thing, when your parents don’t seem to love each other but dont have any issue with it. there was no room for failure at home, no room for toeing the line. his father’s words could go from praising and prideful to harsh and cruel in seconds, his hands hard and unforgiving. casworan learned to keep his back straight and work harder and to swallow whatever anger he felt. he listened to every word that came from his father’s lips and took them in as truth and never questioned the way things were. end of tw
casworan went to hogwarts at age eleven ( he’d seen the castle before, of course --- he’d visited hogsmeade plenty of times before with his mother ) and was sorted into slytherin there. it was an easy sorting --- there were not many non-slytherin qualities the hat saw, besides maybe a sense of loyalty and a hunger for learning but cas’ cunning, shrewdness and ambition outweighed everything. 
hogwarts came easy to casworan. he was a good learner and knew plenty of people from his life before school -- people who ran in the same circles. to branch out wasn’t something he felt he needed to do, with a few exception here or there ( for either particularly skilled people or other purebloods he didn’t know yet ). casworan likes learning, values his education and was, well, a nerd. a hardworking student. was in a few clubs too, i’m sure --- i will get back on that when i have it figured out for plotting purposes! 
terminal illness tw // in casworan’s third year, his mother fell ill. it was a genetic disease, an incurable one, one that soon left her weakened and bedbound and tired. his father’s response wasn’t to stick to her side --- they didn’t love each other after all, and in all honesty, hemera didn’t want him on her side either --- but to flee in stead. his involvement in shady dealings grew and he retreated to the city more and more for work. casworan ... well, didn’t respond very well. 
abuse tw // he raged. he cried and raged and kicked against his father’s shins and demanded that he solved this because, well, the world had always given casworan exactly what he wanted, and when he got something he absolutely did not want, the one person he could blame was his father. he acted like a child because he was one, and his mother was going to die, and his father broke the news in such a cold way that he couldn’t help but rage. his tantrum was met with cold eyes and the same cruelty cas had felt before.
this was when a seed of hate for his father started to grow, something he’d never even dared to feel before. it’s still growing to this day. end of abuse tw //
a family friend moved in to help his mother, and they got a second house elf and life changed, thigns shifted. casworan learned what it was to feel out of control and well, he didn’t like it one bit. he’s entitled and spoiled and used to getting everything he wants and this situation is something he has absolutely no say in and it drives him mad. rather than give him some perspective, it just makes him act more entitled and controlling in the rest of his life. end of terminal illness tw //
so cas makes his way through hogwarts, acting like an entitled twat, hanging with his lads, having a laff here and there and earning a whole lot of NEWTs. he had no qualms sharing his world views or sharing his entitled nature, here and there showing a more violent and cruel streak. casworan is a bully, an elitist prick, someone who looks down on most people. 
when the war breaks out, well --- he’s quick to sign up. he believes in the cause, of course, and there’s no other option, really. he’s been prepped for this life. this is what he was made to do. he doesn’t even consider not joining. and so he joins and feels pride and power and a thirst to proof everyone around him that he’s the motherfucking shit. what an IDIOT.
besides his death eater life, cas is mostly focused on maintaining his image. like his father, he works hard on things like charity and philanthropy, so his name appears in the newspaper linked with good news almost exclusively. he’s picky, of course, about the causes he works for ----- things related to education, he genuinely works for, but there’s also some questionable things he donates to.
and then besides that, cas is mostly focused on enjoying life. getting drunk or high out of his mind, fucking shit up with the lads, having a good old time because guess what? the world is his to own and ruin, and he won’t stop at nothing. he’s entitled and obnoxious, but he always pays and tips well and sees absolutely no issues with his behaviour. he can’t wait for the world to become even more his as the war progresses. 
personality & tidbits
...... an asshole.
no literally he’s such an asshole. he’s so fucking used to the world catering to his ugly needs and getting everything he wants and he’s so entitled and such an ASSHOLE.
someone please punch him
anyway --- he likes Extra things. velvet and silk and rich fabrics and leather shoes and accessories with snake themes and polo shirts and ... he dresses like a frat boy, but then mixed with wizarding fashion
ugly. 
pretentious and snobbish to a fault. wants nothing but the best and is used to the best. would often complain about the house elves and their quality of food at hogwarts, because his house elves were much better cooks, they had been trained in france after all!!!
kind of hates his name and prefers to go by cas at all times, and i dont blame him
has daddy and mommy issues lmao !!! 
capitalist right wing scum, tbh. would have voted trump and brexit and all that shit if he was a real person. I HATE HIM SO MUUUUUCHHHHHHH.
“if youre poor, thats your own fault!”
he is literally the worst person
i hate-write this character its a load of fun
he loves his hair lmao
plays the violin and generally likes classical music? a snob, i told yall. also likes other music, let me figure it out pls thanks
okay let’s talk about some of his better sides because so far all ive done is drag this kid and thats reasonable, but ... he’s got some good things, i guess. 
he’s a good friend. like, if you’re his mate, you’re his mate for life (or until you turn your back, which is when he will feel hurt and will hurt u back yike!). he’ll be there for u Big Time. not good at emotional support, but good at sitting with a glass of wine/whiskey and talking/listening. will finance u if u need it (he doesnt like poor ppl but makes an exception for friends i guess?). will punch someone for u.
he ... does really value education? he would just like to see hogwarts change around bc there’s so much unnecessary shit (read: muggleborn students and subjects like muggle studies and divination). but yeah, he rly thinks that learning is important and that u have to ~broaden your mind ( but not too much ofc )
he is pretty family oriented, and rn he’s of course 18 so that’s not a big thing, but he’d be a ... proper dad? i think? he rly wants a big fam eventually
still a dick
good dueller and generally a pretty skilled wizard which is a bummer :/
loves partying and getting drunk out of his mind and then breaking stuff that isnt his, very riot club like
idk what else to say but HE IS AN ASSHOLE. 
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channiekyun · 6 years
Text
chick or chic?//cube ent./pd101//seonho
pairing: yoo seonho/reader genres: fluff, bullet list word count: 1870 summary: “he always stayed by you because of your smile, but what happens when the reason you lose your smile is him?” a/n: i think this is the longest thing i’ve ever posted but, dear by lord i love this boy. pls support him and his debut!!
Tumblr media
baby chick debuting with a mini album?
an hour to write before I fall asleep?
bring it on.
ok,
you and yoo seonho have been friends since you were like 6 bc your moms both dropped you off at the same daycare center
how convenient right
but you haven’t met seonho ‘till a while so bear with me here
I like me some backstory to the story
you’ve been coming to the daycare center for 4 months
you were so-so at making friends, kinda shy, but most of the times energetic
like literal spikes of energy could be seen coming out of your back lmao
sometimes you’d be called out on it by some of the kids or supervisors but like
u didn’t care 
anyway, you’ve pretty much gotten your name thrown everywhere in the daycare center 
and you were just playing with blocks and crashing toy cars into them (that’s what kids do right?)
then suddenly some of or supervisors start coming to you with a cake with lit up candles
“happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear (Y/N), happy birthday to you!”
and your 6 yr old brain was all like-huh?
but then they told you to make a wish and you blew out the candles
and you know how things done can’t come undone?
well, there’s your explanation for that being done
and then everyone just started cheering
plus the supervisors were all like: “I can’t believe your already 6, (Y/N)! you’ve grown so much!!~”
but again you’re just like: “im already 6??!??”
but your 6 yr old self just thinks that this atonement for not celebrating your birthday before you even went to the center
keep in mind you’ve only been there for 4 months so
ppl kept crowding you and the adults just starting distributing the cake
and this boy that you’ve never ever seen before sits next to you 
and he just whispers into your ear “it’s my birthday too.”
“oh really? it’s not even my birthday today anyway!” you giggle
and this boy’s like huh
but seonho doesn’t do anything
nuh uh
he likes it when you laugh and smile
so you share your big slice of cake with him and play with him the entire day
you guys got picked up at the same time so your moms were just waiting by the door and you were saying bye and your moms were like “isn’t that just cute aww”
then suddenly one of the supervisors came and started bowing
“I’m sorry Mrs. Yoo and Mrs. (L/N), we switched up (Y/N)’s and Seonho’s birthdays so we ended up celebrating (Y/N)’s birthday today!”
and your moms were just like “that’s fine” but Seonho just looked a tad bit disappointed
and an unhappy Seonho makes an unhappy you so
you started crying, legit out of nowhere bc you felt so bad for him
plus you started screaming stuff like “it’s all my fault” and yea
and the adults try calming you down, but no, that didn’t work
but then seonho comes up and hugs you
and you surely calmed down while you held to his shirt
you felt reassured
and the grown-ups found this amusing
like you only met today but who knew?
next morning you brought a huge cake+a gift for seonho to make it up to him (ofc with your mum’s consent though)
you tell him to open his present and he did
what laid inside was a chick stuffie
it wasn’t big or anything, just average
and seonho’s grateful and all but he asks why you gave him that
“because you remind me of one?” you laugh
he likes to think that that laugh was also a present for him
and you play with him for the rest of the day
fast forward, your moms became acquainted then soon began to hang out with each other
which made you happy bc you got to see seonho more
when you guys were still at the daycare center you would bring him food
like juice boxes
but then like juice boxes turned to chocolate bars and then that turned into muffins
fast forward a little bit more to where you were now, both of you 14 and in high school, and you were still close af
oh and muffins turned to legit rice lunches bc he never had enough to eat lol
and you called him out on it a lot and he would either act offended or not care at all 
that’s where he got his love for food from~
there were a couple loose strings here and there but that happens
you shared secrets, shared friends, shared test answers
you even got close to his brother and he got close to your sibling(s)
but everyone knows there’s gotta be a secret here and there somewhere
but you made several plots at 2AM to get to the bottom of whatever he seemed to hide even though it may not be your business
you were each other’s businesses anyway, right?
anyway
seonho had a dream of becoming famous
you admired him for that
and the school was going to be hosting an event where he would be starring in
and you were proud and almost started shedding a few tears
you: *sniff* so proud~~
him: not again (Y/N)
when the day of the show came on, he acted like a stuck up celeb 
and you weren’t sure whether this was all just an act, or if it was just him but you weren’t gonna have this
you pulled him out of the corridor and slapped him just for him to get his sense back+you also gave him his rice box so
during the talent show when seonho was performing with the piano and singing you were videotaping him while standing up 
you: “yeS, WORK IT SEONHO. gUYS THATS MY BEST FRiEND” (a total regina goerge’s mom moment here guys)
you were that extra lmao that seonho was mixed abt what you did but he felt so happy so you just cuddled (non-romantically) at his house after the show
next morning, you were waiting for seonho out of his house so you could walk to school together
but oh
he JUST HAD TO WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE WITH A LEATHER JAckET INSTEAD OF HIS REGULAR OL’ CARDIGAN HUh ASDFGHJKL
((i tried to look up seonho in a leather jacket and there were no images, pls someone get him into one i will die omfg lord))
and you just walked like you usually do, but this time in silence and no hitting or kicking
was he acting cold again?
he wasn’t talking at all
and even ppl started to stare
you just kind of avoided him for the whole day
it’s the type of thing that would get on celeb headlines: ‘(Y/N) Splits From a Cold Seonho?!?’
you were walking down the hall just mindlessly, wondering what to do with that extra rice lunch you had in your bag
but then you hear a couple girls whispering in a corner:
“oh my god, did you see seonho at the show last night? he has so much talent”
“but like did you see him today? he’s wearing a leather jacket and acting all cold today haha”
“he even drove (Y/N) away today, and they’ve been friends since they got here”
“that’s pretty chic though to be honest lol”
and there were murmurs of agreement to the last girls statement
and once you got outside you started laugh
cuz they just started calling seonho “chic”
you never thought that you would’ve ever lived to the day where someone would call that tall, clumsy, cutesy boy something along the lines of “chic”
but you felt a pang of jealousy when the girl’s started talking about him
yes, you were aware of your own feeling, you weren’t stupid like that
you went to his house, said hello to his mom, and went to his room
you didn’t want to mess around with anything but there was one thing couldn’t keep your eyes off
that chick plush you gave him when you were 6
it was sitting on his bed
you picked it up and admired it but quickly set it down
on the high bookcase shelf there was another chick plush
so you reached for it and looked at it in your hands
it was the exact same one but with a bow? which makes you confused
“what are you doing?” you hear behind you
oh shit
“um-really nothing” you turned around to seonho still in his leather jacket
“uh, then (Y/N), why are you holding that?”
you dropped the plush on the ground
“holding what?”
seonho just looked at the floor, not responding
and naturally..
you took the opportunity to slap him
“why were you acting like that the entire day? why with the jacket, dude??”
and he looked up at you with honest eyes and quietly said “for you”
that’s when your entire world started crashing down
“..for...me.?”
“i thought that if i acted cool you’d like me better, I guess that didn’t work though..” his eyes still tracing an outline of the floor
“you acted cool, just so i would notice you more?”
“i guess.”
and naturally...
you took that opportunity to kiss him
and his eyes grew wide and he just hugs you like you usually would and it was all just so damn perfect
you pulled away and was all like “seonho, honey, I love you but can we get you into that cardigan instead of this stupid jacket”
and he just jeered at you with “I love you too (Y/N) dearie”
that’s how you went from making out with seonho in a leather jacket to cuddling on his bed with seonho in his oversized white cardigan (which was fckn adorable btw)
man, you would love having a relationship with seonho, anyone would tbh
you even spoon fed him the rice lunch you had packed in your bag
his mom would call your mom to tell you what the hell was happening at her house
you and seonho’s mom fangirling over your relationship with each other
at the next show, you and seonho had a duet with him playing the piano and you singing
he got you a matching leather jacket and you were like “ew no,” but after he saw your reaction he made puppy eyes and said “but couple’s outfits” and you just said “i’m sold, just for gags though, seonho”
a happy seonho
a beagle seonho
you match each other so perfectly bc if soulmates were real, and they are, you found your match
one time you were helping seonho catch up on homework in an empty classroom after school and you got curious
“hey, seonho, what was that chick plush doing on top of your bookcase. it looks similar to the one i gave you”
he blushed and shyly said, “i was going to give it to you for your birthday..”
and you just kiss him
and when you pull away you say: “I can’t believe they would call a baby chick chic..”
ps i realized how bad i was at summaries mianhae
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