#someone stop me before i have a breakdown

[jam-showtoonz]

Ruin Eclipse!! (My au)

[before someone yells at me, when I make mistakes I can’t undo them if they are in pen]

[with this said- I hate how Sun looks and will probably redo this at some point]

Have some lore too-

Ruin still has his Sun & Moon in his head, they can’t take full control but they can see through his eyes and sometimes even talk through him. The only person they ever talked to was Solar.

Sun has a plushie addiction that Ruin fully indulges in, Moon doesn’t mind too much. He just wishes sun wouldn’t make a big seen.

Moon talks the least outwardly and often has Ruin tell what he is saying.

Both Sun & Moon have their own rooms within the mindscape. Suns room has a hammock as well as a load of plushies and pillows and pictures on the walls, whilst Moon has a kind of nest bed with a ton of blankets and pillows, he also has a crap ton of video games that he and Sun play on occasion.

Ruin was actually hesitant when it came to his plan as he knew Solar would die, he tried everything he could to try and make it so Solar wouldn’t but he couldn’t find anything. Up until the day he executed his plan, he drove himself insane trying to think of something, sometimes even thinking about not doing it.

Unfortunately, he was hit with the awful truth that if he didn’t go on with his plan then this Dimension would collapse due to something the creators were doing. So he committed to save them and many more.

After all, what is one life to trillions?

He could save one and let trillions of Dimensions die, including this one, so some mad men could experiment with Wither Storms.

Or

He could save trillions and kill five thousand dimensions, including the person he cares about. The only true friend they have.

He never said anything about this world dieing. Even though it might have given him something- he doesn’t deserve anything, he just killed his only friend.

Sun stopped talking for about a week, leaving Moon as his only company as Sun hid in their room.

Ruin isn’t sure how much longer he can keep his emotionless mask from breaking. He could handle the aftermath of the collapsing dimensions, he couldn’t handle Solar’s death. It doesn’t help that when Sun started talking again they kept asking if what they did was the right thing.

When Solar comes back is when Ruin has a complete mental breakdown, as well as Sun. Moon mostly just stares in utter shock and it’s one of the first times he talks on his own.

((Obviously Solars gonna get home eventually. It just takes awhile.))

#tsams #sams #the sun and moon show #sun and moon show #tsams au #sams au #tsams ruin #sams ruin #tsams art #The Not So Empty Void au #this Ruin is not okay and is only alive because the others won’t kill him #he’s not happy about it #Sun has a plushie addiction #good for him! #Moon tries to reason to them and himself that what they did is what they had too #they don’t believe this but they are trying!

[agirlandhermew]

Finale: Breakdown

Tw for violence under the cut, see tags for more warnings

Saber growled as she morphed fully into her true form. A screech filled the air as she transformed, and Kaito looked back to see her. For the first time, he looked scared of her.

And then Saber attacked.

Launching herself straight out of the sky, a blur of rage and fury as she screeched again and aimed psycic blasts and claw swipes at Kaito. And the final battle began.

As Kaito attacked Saber with psychic energy, his strikes became ineffective, as Saber let them hit her and was still unharmed. She continued to dodge and slash and take the hits like they were nothing.

But there was always a last resort.

Kaito pulled out what looked like some kind of Pokeball and threw it at Saber. She never moved out of the way, which proved to be a mistake. The ball burst open, and a familiar substance covered her body.

Uranium.

Fuck.

Her one weakness.

Saber collapsed suddenly, and she reverted back to her normal human form. Kaito stood over her. "You can't defeat me as long as I have this element. Once I end you, I will come for Hanayo next. And then I will eliminate N, in front of Ghetsis of course. You may be strong.... but you can't fight your true weakness."

Saber growled and tried to stand up. Something blurred beside her, and then Kaito was sent flying backwards. Someone stepped forward and held out their hands threateningly.

"Ah, I see now. The one behind all this is an old coward who can't do anything for himself. I must say, although you are quite an interesting fighter, I find your skills quite.... lacking." Amalia said coolly as she took a calm fighting stance.

Kaito said nothing, simply aiming psychic energy at Amalia. She dodged them quickly, but something about this unsettled Saber. She tried to cry out. But it was too late.

Kaito struck out with full strength, and Amalia was knocked back into the wall. "F- fuck. Y- you can't- mmph.... you still can't win! I won't let you.... I'm still stronger and more powerful. Damn.... no point in retreating now." Amalia gasped out, still attempting to quip despite her injuries.

Kaito struck her again.

Saber watched silently as Amalia hit the ground again. Snarling, she moved to Amalia's side, and....

No.

This was....

Amalia's limbs were twisted at odd angles, and there was so much blood, leaking from everywhere. Even her mouth. Saber froze. Seeing how Amalia couldn't possibly survive these injuries. Weakly Amalia raised her hand to try and fight again, but Kaito pulled her towards him and stood over her. "Too persistent. You're in the way of my ultimate goal." Kaito raised his up Saber's knife to strike the final blow on Amalia.

Things slowed down after that.

Hanayo screamed in pain from somewhere far away.

Mew was knocked to the ground, unable to protect Hanayo.

Hanayo.

Amalia.

Family.

Pure, vengeful instinct overtook Saber then. Pulling herself to her feet and summoning up the one remaining feature from her true form, she launched herself at Kaito.

He tried to bring the weapon down. Saber closed the gap between them. He could barely turn around in time to see what was about to happen before his fear registered in his mind.

Saber used that last feature of her true form.

Bringing her mouth to Kaito's neck.

And sinking her fangs deep inside his throat.

For what seemed like several minutes, Saber bit down hard and didn't let go.

Not until Kaito's eyes rolled back into his head and his pulse stopped.

It was over.

Saber had won.

But....

Maybe not.

#tw blood #tw injury #tw murder #rotomblr #pokemon irl #rotumblr #pkmn irl #pokemon rp #pkmn rp #pokemon #pokeblog rp #pokeblogging #pokeblog irl

[im-sorry-what-ii]

Currently being so emotional over Mav and pink floyds Learning to fly

#yes yes its a bit on the nose i know #'tongue-tied and twisted just an earth bound misfit' has me shaking #mav and his dependance on flying as an outlet for all his emotion #and being grounded takes away his only form of release and openess #hence 'tongue-tied and twisted' and an 'earth-bound misfit' #'cant keep my eyes from the circling skies' is another one of those lyrics that has me pacing laps #'circling skies' reminds me of how ice and slider could have circled mav and goose after the accident #from mavs pov he looks up and the skies are circling #and 'cant keep my eyes from' has me thinking of nightmares #seeing the same thing every night and being unable to look away or stop it #cuz its the CIRCLING SKIES #im having a breakdown #'no navigator to find my way home' CAN YOU SEE HOW NOT OK I AM #i have so many more lyrics that fit them if anyones interested #someone ask me about icemav lyrics before i explode #top gun #pete maverick mitchell #nick goose bradshaw #pink floyd

[theboost]

I know it’s stupid to get embarrassed about caring about a fictional guy on the caring about a fictional guy website but I am literally having such a deadshot moment rn

#thinking as I often do about what to do to make Zoe interesting. and I think I’ve cracked the code. there have been a lot of moments where #it’s been teased that if. Christ I can’t call him Floyd I don’t think of him that way. if Deadshot dies she will take over as the next #deadshot. and they did something very similar to what I’m pitching here in the 2016 suicide squad but I think there should be a moment where #she thinks Deadshot is dead and shoots someone point blank and kills them #okay I lost the plot but I’m back #but anyway she kills someone which is naturally a traumatic experience for her but also incredibly traumatic for him as the first time he #killed someone it was to stop someone from killing his father. so they’re having mutual breakdowns. there’s a couple of fun ways it could go #from here. maybe she’s just like him and shuts down emotionally. maybe he’s like oh fuck she’s just like me I need to get away from her #before I ruin her. and then he can. idk voluntarily join the suicide squad again. or the secret six!

[piningpebbles]

{Video Transcript:

“(*jack’s signature mischievous music plays*) [I- I mean I know I reprogrammed the pu- the computer-] In my head I did it! [Alright?] When he died the first time I really didn’t think it was what I wanted. I thought I- I- I remember that we were f- (sighs) You know this- (*the music cuts*)

To go from being someone’s friend and really thinking... They cared about you and being in a little nation together like L’manburg, and then to have them kill you for trying to visit them at their lowest... And never apologize. And not care when you tell them all the troubles they put you through... And want to kill them so badly and then have them die... And actually miss the friend you lost?

[But it wasn’t-] I wasn’t missing my friend. My friend came back, and he’s fucking awful! [Alright?] He sucks! My friend is dead and I’ve- I’ve said this. And I thought him dying [would be the satisfaction-] or what was left of him dying would be the satisfaction that I needed, but it wasn’t [-and I stopped my mission]. But what I’ve realized is... Satisfaction isn’t going to be claimed [from] Tommyinnit dying. Satisfaction will come from me killing Tommyinnit. (*the music picks up again*)

Death happens. It comes and goes, but the act of making him understand the pain he put me through, the lack of remorse he showed me-- that’s what he needs to see. That will be the moment where I know... I. Was. Right. He will know I was right. And the sun will set on a server that will be ever so more peaceful.

And I’ll finally be able to let this go.

...I just want to let this go.”}

#jack manifold #tommyinnit #bitterduo #i just need everyone to see jack's breakdown here because god i'm never going to be able to stop thinking about it #HE JUST WANTED TO BE ABLE TO MOVE ON LIKE EVERYONE ELSE #he wanted to listen to n!ki about giving people second chances #he wanted to listen to p-ffy and h=nnah and that he was going overboard and that his problems weren't anything compared to tommy's #he wanted to listen to t-bbo and be able to trust tommy and be able to be happy again just like before #but he fucking couldn't. because all of that just buried his trauma deeper and deeper #people kept telling him he needed to get over it but he never had the closure he needed to do that!!! #he wanted to stop being angry. he never wanted it to go this far- last this long- he just wanted anyone- especially fucking tommy to care #he needed that. he needed someone on his side to combat these destructive thoughts because he doesn't have that. he's just been alone #i could just keep going just fuck man!!! he hurts me so so bad #dream smp spoilers #dream smp #mcyt #pebble post #// #mentioned: #character death #c!puffy crit #c!hannah crit #(censored the names earlier but it's just all in the tags as not to cross-tag)

[biolums]

4am. i cant sleep. stuck in my damn head with my own thoughts.. this calls for drastic measures (crying myself to sleep)

#not that i can ever cry if i want to. but ideally nownwould be the time #i just. god i just cant stop thinking about ***** and now im imagining scenarios and im just. god its just too much #its so hard like. caring ahout someone so much and not havinf an outlet. #i feel so helpless all the time because im just. literally at the mercy of my love. #one second im splitting the next im having anxiety attack. or maybe i uave a breakdown. #which all lead to me fucking lashing out. and making things worse. and i just. i dont know what to do #i have zero coping mechanisms for this. and i keep being weird about it. i just. god i feel so. helpless #before i accepted i had bpd i literally didnt let my self ljke. think thoughts like #i was obsessed and in love with this guy in high school and i just wouldnt let myself think about him. at all #because if i started thinking about him it would be too much. #he had a girlfriend at the time and i dont think ive ever hated someone so blindly. like she was a bitch and i know that now #but i hoped and prayed for them to break up. this guy wouldnt have dated me but i was So Jealous #hhhhhhhhh #lets hope i have the coursge to bring up bpd with my psychiatrist. on the 10th? whenever my appointment is #i cannot keep living like this. #jace.txt

[galaxxies18]

「Amidst the Clearing in the Rain」 - Rindou

Ignite A Noise who? Don't know her-

After a whole year of playing I finally have Rindou's initial 5* fully bloomed :D

pt. 1

Rindou Are you headed home? It suddenly started raining, so please be careful. Do you have an umbrella? I can lend you an umbrella if you’d like. MC Wouldn’t it be troubling for Rindou-san? Rindou I’m fine. My house is nearby, so it’s easy to run. More importantly, I’m more concerned about you catching a cold. MC I’ll be sure to be careful. Thank you. Rindou Ah, I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve intruded too much. My family has always been prone to catching colds. I’m sorry. Please, just be careful. MC Then, shouldn’t Rindou-san be careful as well? Rindou I’ve always been quite healthy, so I’ll be fine. Besides, I don’t dislike the rain. You could say I like looking at it. It feels like everything is being washed away. Though it is a bit silly to let your emotions be swayed by the weather like this... I feel like the truth is very close to this, surprisingly. You can’t go against nature. Ah, I’m sorry. I got in your way. If my umbrella is alright with you, it’s in Unei’s office. If you ever need it, please just take it. Well then, please take care. See you tomorrow.

pt. 2

Rindou When it rained yesterday, were you alright? It suddenly stopped as I was about to head home. However, when I left the store, it started pouring again. It caught me a bit off guard. I ran as fast as I could because my house was just nearby, but when I arrived my clothes were soaked heavily. MC Are you alright? Rindou I’m alright. I’m a very healthy person. (coughs) MC ...You’re not okay. Rindou I’m alright.

MC Please don’t overdo it. Rindou Fufu, this is quite refreshing. In Starless, you’re responsible for your own physical condition. Because we fulfil a variety of roles, even an understudy needs t be able to stand on their own. If you're unable to stand on the change, they'll change the starting line up without hesitation. So, I don’t have time to get sick. (coughs) MC Rindou-san...? Rindou I think it’s a bit dusty in here. I’ll be sure to clean up later. (dancing) ….Huh, where did I leave my water bottle? MC Ah, isn’t it this here? Here you go. Rindou Thank you very much. I’ll go grab it. Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hold on to your hand. MC Your fingers were very warm. Do you perhaps have a fever? Rindou (angry) I don’t. I’m fine. Rindou (calms down) ...I’ve caused you to worry. I’m sorry, but I really am alright. I will return to the lesson. Please watch over me if you’d like. MC ...You’re alright, huh.

pt. 3

Rindou (looking around) It...It should be around here somewhere.... MC Rindou-san? Are you reall okay? You've looked pale even before you went to take a break... Rindou (shocked) ...Ah, apologies, you caught me off guard. It seems I've scared you as well. I've been looking for something, but it looks like I'll just have to ask Un'ei later. I'll go back to my lessons. You should also- (collapses) MC Rindou-san!? Are you okay? Rindou Sorry...I'm just a bit... MC You have a fever, don't you? Please take a seat and relax. Rindou Un'ei-kun should have cold medicine, so I thought of looking just for that... MC I'll look for you. Please just sit down. Rindou I'm sorry, I'm troubling you again... I'm always so helpless... MC Hm? Rindou It's nothing. (MC hands over the cold medicine to Rindou) Rindou I'm sorry to bother you, but the cold medicine really helps. I'm grateful to Un'ei-kun for having a medicine box ready. ...Break time is almost over. I was just in time. MC This doesn't work immediately, though? So why don't you just rest for the day? Rindou It's alright. Sitting down made me feel a little better. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you. And one more thing...can you please keep this a secret from the others? MC But... Rindou If I'm not in my best, I will be disqualified from being out top. I don't want anyone else to know about this. MC D-disqualified... Rindou I won't forgive myself if that were to happen. I don't want to be taken away from the stage. ...Hah, it looks like it'll rain heavily tonight as well. MC (Rindou-san...)

pt. 4

(backstage, a rearrangement of Niji no Kanata E plays in the bg) Rindou Welcome, MC-san. I'm glad you could make it to the show. MC Uh, are you alright now? Rindou Fufu, I'm alright now. There's no need to worry. The cold is our little secret, okay? MC Please just don't overowrk yourself, okay? Rindou That's right...I don't want to show you such an unsightly view. MC That's not what I meant... Rindou I should really be careful, because I don't want you to be so worried over me. It's embarassing to be seen so weak like that... But, it made me a bit happy. Thank you so much for worrying for me so unconditionally. If you ever got a cold, I should be the first one to know. I'm sure you'll be worried over it, but please let me take care of you as well. MC I hope it doesn't ever get to that. Rindou Speaking of rain, are you alright? It rained a bit a while ago in the morning. MC I was fine. Did Rindou-san get drenched this time? Rindou I had an umbrella with me today, but before I knew it, the rain stopped, and suddenly... Between the buildings, I was able to see a rainbow. It had been a while since I last saw one, so I was really happy to see it. I wish you were there. I wanted the two of us to see it together. I wonder what you would have said at that moment. I really can't hate the rain. The atmosphere during it is so nice. It feels like everything will be washed away as well. It's not good to be so easily swayed by the weather, despite having rain or not... But, if I'm able to see such a beautiful rainbow at the end, then I'll be happy. Like being able to see you smile. You're going to watch the show, aren't you? Please, I want you to keep your eyes on me. Please, only look at me, okay?

#pspsps @ the paradise lost 5* make a comeback i want you so bad- #i hate that this song made me think back to Nostalgic Rainfall (Honeyworks) I love that song so much this feels like a personal attack- #someone stop rindou before I ksamlfdanslfda- #THIS REALLY IS JUST NOSTALGIC RAINFALL I HATE YOUUUUU #iM COMBUSTING WHAT IS THIS ENDING CHAPTER I-JWDNJLSNLAS #***SHAKES HIM VIOLENTLY*** DONT GIVE ME SEROTONIN HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL SOMETHING???? #AND THE NIJI NO KANATA E THAT PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND WHILE YOU'RE READING THIS- #BITES INTO HIS SHOES #DONT DO THIS???? #actually thank god I dont the ParaLost card im already losing my mind just from this wtfffffff #insert that picure of that dog biting into the bed #can I get a refund on the $5 I spent to get him during the greenday banner I didnt ask for this- #AND LIKE THE FACT THAT HE WAS ONE OF MY FIRST 5* AND HIS FINAL COPY CAME HOME DURING THE AGF FREE PULLS ASFFSDSDSAFS #bro reading that last part fits so well with Nostalgic Rainfall's last lyics :')))))) #“I finally understood what love is after the downpour.” #“I'm no longer lost. I don't need an umbrella anymore.” #Head full head full head so full- #bites into my fist until I bleed and die #anyway I didnt have a mental breakdown in the tags you dont see that dont loo at that- :')))))) #look* #; galaxxi's translations. #bsts #bsts rindou #blackstar: theater starless #blackstar theatre starless

[mrfoox]

Uh you ever.... Feel okay or pretty decent and then you remember your lifes circumstances and then you're at the verge of tears?

#miranda talking shit #Maybe this is too specific but hah yeah ... #I can feel okay and be like ah things are pretty good ! And then i remember how my life 'is' and im close to a breakdown #Trying nit to compare myself to others and so on but like.... Its so hard not to lmao #25 soon and no job havent finished high-school i got no partner (plus i guess a virgin lol) #And all the things i havent done or experienced which is pretty universal? Yeah mmm... Ive lost so much of my time and life to mental #Illness and i cant help but morn that. Like if i didnt have my child trauma id probably have a lot milder anxiety and depression which is #Keeping from doing most things... Id still have my autistic and add struggles but i want to imagine I'd manage to accomplish more if #My dep and anx wasn't this bad bc of my past... I hate how my mentality was wrecked before i even knew how to count to 100 #And sooo many years of my childhood just feeling bad and even suicidal (first time i mentioned wanting to die in my diary i was 10-11...) #Just struggling so many years mentally and since i was so young i couldn't make the connection why i was feeling like it? Like the first #Time i started considering why etc i was already like 16.... I didnt think it was weird to cry every single day as long as i can remember #Now at 25 i am still a crybaby but i do it weekly instead. Its just so ... Weird and sad. You dont understand how serious something was #That happened to you and how it affected you until youre almost an adult... And you start to understand that its not just all on you #Its not just your fault youre struggling so much. Youre not just being lazy and difficult ... God Just wish someone protected me when #It mattered . I know my past could have been worse i could have been treated a lot worse and abused more and still to this day it makes me #Feel iffy or bad to claim i was abused? I mean... I was? But cant help to feel my trauma and experiences is not as serious as others #Like i wasnt sexually abused for example or abused by my parents... And i know many have so i feel its not my ... Right to say anything ? #Like my brothers mentally abused me for years and physically from time to time but it could be so much worse #Idk where im going with this i need to go to my vourses instead im crying in the bathroom like stop #Negative

[leejungchans]

sigh

#delete later #im not a perfect person/friend by any means but i try so hard to make people happy and make sure they know how much i care ab them but #a lot of the times i just feel like it’s taken for granted 🧍🏻‍♀️ #idk like it’s so ????? when all you’ve done is trying your best to be there for someone and they just…act weird and entitled w you #sigh maybe im just tired and in an overthinking mood from my therapy appt yesterday :/ but also. hm. #hfgsghsjs idk it feels like im constantly having breakdowns bc i feel like im never enough/doing enough for people #when they’re literally scraping the bare minimum w how they treat me so why do i -(.(?-?(?1?)>_ give sm to people who don’t care #in other news this minho fic is kinda turning out decent #hoping to finish it soon and post it bc i made a cute banner for it months ago before i got writers block and stopped writing for 2 months 😭

[crossbackpoke-check]

this is weird, but I know you've talked about the ear piercing thing, so just fyi I think in bordy's new ig stories you can see both his ears?

homie. bestie. bruh. beloved. please insert your preferred endearment here anon this is not weird you are a) always welcome to send me asks about anything and b) 🥺🥺 i love when y’all enable me and send me asks about things which i will probably go screech into a hole about, such as this:

per thom’s insta story 6.23.22, i zoomed in an unreasonable amount of both of his ears and now feel like this :/

[a brief aside: my GOD does he have a crooked smile i’m obsessed with it and also the family resemblance is real]

anyway after much consideration and absolutely Losing it may i present this, which may or may not be but i am choosing to believe is, thomas bordeleau’s pierced left ear (earrings not included)

#thank u for coming to my ted talk or possibly my villain monologue before i am ko’d (thom wears earrings again) #t h o m r i n g ? r i n g ? which hand is the marriage hand someone help me where’s liv when i need her (on twitter) #in other instagram related breakdowns briss made a post and tagged thom as merida and i HATE IT HERE WE ARE THE SAME STOP THAT #my family… actually… jokingly calls me merida when my hair is frizzy… wish i was kidding! i hate it here thom LEAVE ME ALONE #@ thom stop hiding your infected ear piercings with airpods 😠 i Want To See #the white woman math blinking unhinged red string meme of it all #me who cannot tell right from left like: ok but if i reference the thom lightning bolt racing stripe photo he always shows us his right side #because his right profile is better which. king. know your angles BUT if we look at the umich ear piercing photos i am 99% sure the piercing #is in his left ear & most of the photos i’ve seen since then have been side profile based off of camera flip geometry & his right ear #definitely is not pierced but the shape/shadow of his left looks like the indent of a piercing which tracks so either he took it out because #it got infected or he wants it to close up or he just like me fr and frequently just. forgets to wear earrings which tHoM i’m gonna yell @u #about piercing aftercare if that’s true has it been enough weeks for you to have taken it out when you did? or maybe he has a nickel allergy #calling in the experts if u know the answer pls tell me or if your zoom in provides better clarity than my terrible screenshots #IS borde’s ear pierced my vote is yet but also y’all know i’m biased because. #@ thomas bordeleau pierce your ears #i think he should pierce both of them and get constellation piercings and he IS a man that loves jewelry @ thom it’s more to wear 👀👀 #thom’s crooked smileeeeee laying on the floor rolling around giggling i am smitten i’m putting that detail in all the fics ever #also that shirt sure was a choice bud. but i’m not complaining since it gave me #nemcklance #thomas bordeleau my worstie my hatred spirit my incorrigible terrible meow meow #i am not adopting another umich boy this is not gonna be a comtois situation i am not going to be sucked in by thomas bordeleau #have been terribly endeared by his father’s day post and being home for his sister’s prom which im assuming is mad late in the yr bc canada? #keep thinking he needs an eyebrow barbell but also insisting to myself that i didn’t paperdoll him into 1 (i did actually lmao) so on record #left ear: (current lobe) paperdolling bords into a helix or auricle (snug?) cuff and a rook if he gets the helix he can have a conch #on his right ear he needs a daith and four lobe piercings with a forward helix alternately and/or a scaffold if it’s not too crowded #also the way the shadow falls in the second one kinda looks like a snake bite… bordy do that one too & match it with a left eyebrow barbell #although with his crooked mouth now idk like is it gonna wreck the effect or just draw more attention to it? maybe no snake bite but… #kinda love the idea of a smiley 4 him half of it showing out also his teeth are so nice i’m kinda mad about it like??? how are they so white #liv in the replies

[fleshdyke]

shdjjdbdjd

#csa warning for tags #i would give fucking anything to know who did this to me lol. #i don’t know if i’ll ever know and that’s the most distressing part #fuck what happened to me. i cant even remember it. i still deal w the trauma from it but like its over and done i cant do anything abt it #who cares abt that. i just desperately need to know if whoever did it is still out there. #i really really really hope it was that kindergarten teacher i had that got fired for being a pedo. because at least he got consequences. #at least he cant do it to anyone else #im just absolutely fucking terrified that they got away with it. that theyre still getting away with it. #how many other kids did they rape. could i have saved them #i just wish i could fucking remember what happened and who it was bc the idea of it being someone i trusted. and them never getting caught #makes me fucking sick #im on the brink of a fucking breakdown bc im so terrified that they raped someone else and i couldnt stop them #or that they’re still in my life #and i feel like its my fault for never saying anything bc i couldnt remember who did it #but like. at the time. when i Could remember it. why didnt i say anything #and logically i know im not to blame because i was a fucking child i wasnt even 10 yet and i cant remember anything abt it now #but i still feel so fucking guilty bc what if they got to someone else before i could do anything about it #my dad laughs at rape jokes and makes fun of me for being so protective of little girls i meet and so scared of older men #and i cant fucking tell him i got raped because he wouldn’t fucking believe me #even if i had the memories to prove it he wouldn’t believe me #and i dont even want to entertain the idea that he did it bc that would mean my rapist is in my house every fucking day #and i dont think im able to handle that #just. fuck #im so scared theyre still in my life #i guess im glad i cant remember being raped but i wish i knew who did it so i can know if they got consequences #rambles #vent

[seamlessepiphany]

That was an interesting day

#to start off the day I forgot my uniform at my friends house and she had to bring it to me #and then one of the guys was being super creepy and staring at my ass #and not being slick about it at all #we caught him so many times #so then my friend was being protective and staying with me #and then he sat with me on the way back even after the other guy was gone #but then my other friends stopped me after #and told me to be careful #apparently he acts like this a lot before he starts dating someone #and they said he’ll just try to get into my pants #so we almost had another breakdown #and now I have to go to my sisters #all I want to do is go home and cry #lulu rambles

[myname-isnia]

Violently swinging between still wanting to write that "Kuvira talks Suiren down from her manic cleaning spree" fic and not wanting to just rehash what I've written before/fearing I won't do it justice/genuinely scared of triggering myself again because I sink deeper and deeper with every breakdown

#and it's also like. what's the point #if only one person will read it. if there's a high chance I'll have to put myself through hell for close to nothing in return #maybe that sounds entitled and ungrateful. I don't care #I don't enjoy writing. never have. I'm not ashamed of admitting that if I force myself to write it's only because I'm looking for praise #and yeah. I know. this coming from the person who near damn deleted her fic after getting a genuinely nice comment on it? #make up your mind nia do you want engagement or not #but we're not talking about that right now #I guess my main worry is that I've already written astraphobia where while the inciting incident is different the gist is still the same #I'm drawn to concepts like these because I've put so much of myself into Suiren and her getting comfort is very spiritually healing for me #especially since my support network is literally limited to one online friend who doesn't always have the spoons to pull me out of my ruts #nor should it be her job to. I'm not implying that #but there's only so many ways I could write essentially the same thing. you know? #I don't think I could make it different enough for it to not be 'astraphobia but a little to the left' #and it sucks. because I've really been wanting to touch on Suiren's trauma responses that aren't completely shutting down #but I don't feel like I can pull it off #but no one else will but me.... #ugh. I'm gonna talk myself into a breakdown if I keep on like this #I need someone to slap me every time I start talking like this. maybe that will train me out of it #just wrote out like five other self depreciating tags before realising that I was doing it again and deleting it #I need to stop

[sketchbookwonders]

.

#vent #i miss being able to love someone #i miss feeling loved back #hell before it ended i kept crying cause i stopped feeling as loved as i once did #but i stayed. i wanted it to work because i love him so much #in a weird way i feel used. even though i did it to myself and it wasnt his fault he lost feelings #i just wish he wouldve told me sooner #so that i wouldnt have had to deal with the anxieties and mental breakdowns i was hacing related to him #im still having them obviously. but its because now everything i was thinking which i thought was irrational and stupid #was actually all true this whole time

[jadeneppy]

,

#sometines it really hurts #when i wake up from a dream about my ex and me #theyre always different some are our real life selfs others are versions of us that are just feelings. #like todays i woke up and just felt like shit. we were goin on adventures ot smthin #it makes me think back on the dream i had when i had to leave them. my last day together with them. i dreamt we went our separate ways #and i hated that dream so much i literally woke up sobbing but they were still asleep and i hugs and kissed them more #i missed them so much when i slept and now all those versions never fucking lesve me i hste having dreams of them. i said i was done #but 7 years of loving someone doesn't just end even now i dont know whst i feel #being back in my old room brings up memories id rather forget. i hste crying i hste how much i cried to them #i hate how i almost ended my life over them. its so hard to think that someone so important to me just left and didn't tell me why #left me to suffer. i honestly think.. if they didn't tell me not to kill or hurt myself after our first break up i wouldn't be here #and thats such a hard truth. thst i literally would have ended myself sooner if they didn't make me promise not to do anything #everytime i wake up from a dream with them i still think back to when we started talking again saying we both had a dream of being together #and so every time i do dream of them i think. and honestly it kinda scares me. that they might try to reach out. for good or bad #it scares me it gives me so mych anxiety because i do still love them. not romanticly but i loved them so much before that i hold something #something that id call love i cherished them they were all id ever talk about and when we broke up i felt like a shell. #i questioned our whole relationship. anytime i saw someone who looked like them it gave me panic attacks i had really bad ptsd #i wanna throe up #i just finished crying #it reminds me of my terrible breakdown where i couldn't stop shaking and almost fell down the stairs #you were stalking my blog then. checking my tag and were seeing it live #seeing me have an active panic attack and i always wondered if you were saying `good i hope you suffer` because i never thought the same #i got angry about how it happened but never i hope you die never i hope you suffer. i miss when we were on good terms #but its been a week and gabe hasn't come back so i hope you guys please lesve me alone #im tired of feeling something for you whether it be sadness fondness or just anger i want you to move on from me #you guys have each other and im nit romantically involved with anyone tho i love my friends so much and i would do anything for them #anyways msybe in just so tried from work and emotionally exhausted thst i started spilli g out shit #nzzt

[empyrangel]

I’m ~ ~ never going to be able to let myself feel negative emotions. I’m never going to be able to do anything except lie and hide -

#constellation of words ✨ #tw vent #just had a fight with my mom shocking I know #something I was planning to wait until the right time to say distressed me today #and she forced me to talk at what was probably the worst possible time… in public #yeah just a full on breakdown in front of everyone #but not before telling me to ‘’stop being such a bitch’’ #and reminding me that being visibly sad/mad/frustrated/anxious is rude to all the happy people around you to bring down their mood #with your audacity to not also be happy #and it’s also rude to people that want to also express negative emotions but force themselves not to for the sake of everyone else #(aka herself) because if they have to silently wallow in their own misery it’s not fair if you don’t either #and when I confronted her about it she told me I was deflecting #“why don’t you ever tell me anything” I swear if I ever have to hear those words again I’m pushing someone down a flight of stairs #damn I just really need to vent