#something about this bothers me but idk what it is nor am i gonna fix it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

djarrex · 3 years

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Hi everyone, just wanted to address what happened last night along with some other things from before that all tie in together.

There’s multiple parts to the following post - please make sure you read all of it if you’re gonna take the time to even start.

It was midnight and y'all were still jumping in on anon and telling me how I'm awful for not commenting, owning up, or taking responsibility - I should have been in bed. I have a life and job outside this app; and with the several of you in my inbox and it being too late at night to address each, I’m gonna do it now. I can’t not say something about all of this. I just can’t keep quiet and ignore the problem - it’s not fair to you all. Deleting one post already has you guys even more riled up and all I wanted to do was offer something better than a “half-hearted apology” (it was very late at night when I wrote that very short apology, and wanted a redo tbh).

I really didn't want to make a long post like this. I reached out to a select few on here because I care about them (there's more of you, but like I said, it was at the time after midnight and I was fucking exhausted). but I was being demanded for accountability. So here I am.

Allow me to be real with you all, if that's ok. If it's not, well, idk. First I wanna address all you anons, who, instead of speaking to me one on one about all this, want to criticize me and shame me and my writing when truthfully it feels like you haven't even read more than a handful of my work. I didn’t realize that I write the clones all the same way? That I always make them super aggressive and uncaring and dom? “you write every single clone as so dominant instead as unique individual men with their own personalities” Interesting. See, that right there tells me you haven't read nearly enough of my stuff for me to believe that's true. That's one accusation I absolutely will not back you on because I know it’s inaccurate - saying how I group the clones into some overly-aggressive, and uncaring category - that I always write all of them as mean in bed because they're men of color. And hey, if I do write rough smut - which yeah, it's out there and I write it, as do a lot of you - there are warnings at the beginning, aftercare, dialogue, reader sharing their feelings, and most importantly... consent between the two. That’s what warnings are for, so that you know what you’re going to be reading. That’s why I, as we all do, appreciate warnings listed at the tops of fics; honestly, write them sub or dom or switch or however you want but don’t come at me like that. I’m sorry if I'm coming across as rude because I'm usually not, I’m one of the nicest people you’ll meet, but I will not stand idly by while you chastise my writing (writing that is pretty much the same type of stuff a lot of you write & rb with the same characters) that you haven’t read enough of to back such claims.

Next: Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart,

I get it. Really, I do. I fully understand the problem of whitewashing in SW along with almost everywhere else, and I do not agree with it. It's a huge problem, and it needs to be rectified. Now just because I don't speak publicly about it and opt out of publicly shaming TBB, doesn't mean that I agree with what’s going on. Not everyone is comfortable with sharing their opinions on a subject, no matter what that subject is or which side they're on. You live and you learn when it comes to that.

It has never been my intention to fetishize POC in my writing, which btw, the same people who are saying that it is my intention are the ones claiming I portray all of the clones as the same, aggressive men, lacking their individuality. It’s a claim that is simply not true, and I know I have followers on here to back me up on that. I know what I've written; how about you check it out and tell me that you don't see the words "soft" or "fluff" or "cuddling" or “gentle” or “tender” within my work linked in my ML. Clone character being a good partner and father? Tender love making? Holding each others faces in their hands? “We/you survived” sex? Taking care of their partner? Saying “I love you” to one another? Confirming the safe word and going slow at first? Oh my - riveting and harsh stuff - totally unacceptable.

Now: My admittedly problematic writings of Rex + Zygerria,

I went into writing that rp fic totally unaware and unknowing of the true implications. For that, I sincerely apologize. When I posted the NSFW alphabet, that’s when I was called out on that rp fic - not when I first posted it. Which the timeline doesn’t matter, I know that, but it concerns me a little bit that no one spoke up about it sooner - letting me dig myself deeper into a hole that I didn’t realize I was inside of in the first place. I've apologized once, and I know that doesn't negate what happened; I acknowledged my mistake back then, but I suppose that wasn’t good enough. I had asked you, anon, to message me to give me guidance, to teach me on what to do about the fic - you stayed hidden. Well, respectfully, what the fuck? I know we're all adults but don't lecture me and avoid me when I’d literally reached out for guidance on how to properly rectify the issue. I fixed my wording in some of my fics (the things I’ve caught upon rereading them) because I recognized and more importantly learned about and from my mistakes along with the unintentional negative implications of how I wrote those characters. Some of y'all wanna tell me that I "haven't learned"? Who are you, my personal blog police? My professor? My life coach? Are you even my friend? If I'm wrong and haven't learned, then fucking educate me. I worked hard on that rp fic, just like I do with a majority of what I write, but it doesn’t matter because I will delete it knowing that it’s harmful to others and I apologize for inadvertently romanticizing slavery with what I wrote - it was unintentional, and I’m truly sorry to those who have been hurt by it. I know it’s wrong, and there’s no proper excuse for it. Can’t go back in time, but consider it gone now.

Since that first wakeup call, I’ve been working hard to ensure I avoid using certain words and ideas when describing the clones in my fics. If there’s still something you see that isn’t correct or is inappropriate, please tell me! Don’t hold it in but then jump on the “attack M” bandwagon. Private message me, or come peacefully off or on anon, there will be no hard feelings. I don’t mind being corrected when I make a mistake - that’s just part of life, we all make mistakes and we live and learn from them. Making mistakes doesn’t = scumbag human. When you hold your breath and choose not to take the time to guide me, and if I appear to still be making the same mistakes, well, idk. I’m telling you right now that I do not mind if you message me with the good intention of pushing me in the right direction. When you come at me with hostility on anon, well, no thank you. To the anons that came without rage: thank you! I read what you wrote, and I have a better understanding as to how my writing had hurt the lovely followers of mine, and tried to address as much as possible in this post. See, angry mob anons? It costs zero credits to be kind and offer up your thoughts and advice with a good heart. I’m not going to hate you or block you if you try to correct me. I don’t block unless you’re a snoopin’ minor. Just don’t hold a knife to my throat.

Now: Why did I delete the tags and then my response to that anon ask?

Simply put: I felt awful. Deleting it doesn’t immediately mean I’m hiding from it and ignoring the issue. I wanted to come up with a better apology, explanation, whatever you wanna call it, because my followers deserve that. The ones who enjoy my work, the ones who interact, the ones who I call my friends, the ones who know that I’m a good person. Didn’t want to leave the tags/post floating around all night, giving more people time to sharpen their pitchforks and join the mob while I attempted to sleep. Trust me, I know saying that I had no ill intentions when tagging that post doesn’t make it better nor does it make it go away. I’m just trying to show you my point of view, that I knew immediately how I should not have tagged it that way, so that’s why I deleted them. I corrected my mistake. But y’all are too fucking quick I swear.

One more thing:

I know some of you who had called me out with the passive-aggressive inbox messages are still following me, and for what? You don’t like what I post, which is why one would follow another in the first place, so why bother sticking around? Do you feel like you need to police my blog? You want to be there the literal minute I make a mistake? I’m gonna turn off anon for a bit, so if you wanna discuss, message me. Just know that if you’re going to come at me with knives out, I probably won’t reply to you.

To conclude:

I’m sorry. Truly sorry for the entire Rex + Zygerria outfit + slaver ordeal with both the fic from a while ago and then the tags from last night. We can’t go back in time; the only option is to correct past mistakes that are able to be corrected, and then move on with new knowledge that’ll aid in me working even harder to ensure my writing isn’t inappropriate or offensive, and doesn’t hurt my followers nor the characters I write for. I’m still going to write self-indulgent filth and fluff, post-order 66 Rex, and other misc shit. I enjoy writing fanfic, as I know a lot of you enjoy reading what I write and love to talk to me about it. I hope that this didn’t come off as me being a bitch, because I’m really not. I enjoy interacting with the handful of people on here that I’d call my friends, and I love reading your reactions and tags to my fics when you’re excited and/or horny (LOL). It’s just after lunch time where I’m at, so I hope you have a great rest of the day/night/morning whatever for wherever you are.

#long post #m personal

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fizzingwizard · 3 years

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Last week I mistakenly wrote “episode 41″ instead of “episode 40.” Tried to fix it, not sure if Tumblr let me. Here’s the real episode 41!

We’ve been on a pretty darn good streak lately, but this episode was a miss for me. It’s not terrible - it’s still far and away better than much of what we were getting in the past - so I don’t want to be harsh. It’s a much needed Yamato & Takeru centric episode, which I was excited for.

But one of the weaknesses in this reboot is that the characters just lack the strong motivations and inner conflict that drove the 99 Adventure series. It’s not completely absent, but it’s very dialed back by comparison. So I just couldn’t really feel the brotherly bond this episode wanted me to feel. But more below the cut.

Pic of the week:

Yamato and his gentle face <3

The group is taking another break. I will never get bored of watching them just chill.

Gomamon gives Jou a massage. On the one hand, cute! On the other, wtf? XD I mean wouldn’t that hurt? He has claws

Cutest siblings.

Even though they’re taking a break, Taichi, of course, is too responsible to properly goof off. (99 Taichi would be so freaked out by this kid.) He decides to go scouting and Koushirou offers to go with him. I really hoped we’d see a bit of what they do this episode scattered through the main story, but looks like we’ll get to it next week and I can’tttt waaaaitttt

Speaking of the main story, Yamato and Takeru decide to go gather food.

Who even knows what the other four get up to. Jou and Mimi continuing their break makes sense, but I’m kinda surprised Hikari and Sora didn’t want to join one of the tasks, or do their own. I suppose they know they can’t leave Jou and Mimi unsupervised though hurr hurr

So Takeru and Yamato go to look for food and find themselves surrounded by fog. Suddenly this little guy, Opossomon, pops out. I instantly hate him and his annoying squeaky voice.

Opossomon takes them to his amusement park. He is sad because nobody comes to visit anymore. I figured Takeru would be like AMUSEMENT PARK AMUSEMENT PARK!! but literally all he cares about is “aw, opossomon seems sad, let’s give him what he wants.”

Whoever heard of a kid who wasn’t excited by amusement parks.

Takeru does get a little excited once they enter the park and start going on rides. They get on the ferris wheel - a classic Digimon motif - and the brothers recall going to a theme park with their parents before the divorce. Takeru reminisces happily, but Yamato seems a bit more reserved.

Takeru: Oniichan was scared of the haunted house and wouldn’t go in?

Gabumon: o_O y-you were??

Yamato: o/////////o

seriously Idk, I just love that he’s bothered by ghosts, bahahaha - pretty sure that wasn’t a thing till Tri, unless it happened in a CD drama or novel or something. Anyway it’s just, it’s just so perfect for Yamato, bahahaha

I am absolutely going to write a ficlet about Taichi, Yamato, & the haunted house now

Then there’s this weird bit. They come across a merry-go-round and they remember that, on their family trip, Takeru tried to go on it with Yamato, but Yamato said no and Takeru went with their mom instead. That seems to be the situation but IT’S NEVER EXPLAINED. Why did Yamato not want to go on the merry go round then?? Was there a reason? Or he just didn’t want to at the time, and the reason he regrets it now is because this turned out to be their last family trip and there was never another chance to go on the merry go round together after that? I could totally accept that but it’s not explained in any way.

Unless I totally zoned out... I’m pretty guilty of that with this show lol.

But this is the kind of thing that bugs me... we’re supposed to understand that Yamato, at least, is feeling some kind of melancholy, at least. But we have so little background for it. We know Yamato and Takeru don’t live together and that they care a lot about each other. But we don’t feel the kind of bitterness 99 Yamato had, nor is Takeru anything like as clingy as his 99 version. They seem pretty well adjusted.

And, I mean, that’s probably the point. Plenty of children of divorce are perfectly well adjusted. Maybe that’s the reason the producers didn’t want to be as heavy-handed with the trauma this time - there’s more divorced families than ever and you don’t want to be guilty of suggesting all those kids are messed up because of it. I’m on board with that. But even in 99, the main reason Yamato and Takeru struggled wasn’t because their parents were divorced - it was because the divorced separated them from each other as well. Each parent took one kid. You can see how that would seem practical, except that kids aren’t furniture, you can’t just divide them evenly and call it fair.

So... yeah. This episode seems to want us to believe Yamato and Takeru are indeed struggling over being separated. But it’s so low key. It just doesn’t make sense when in every other interaction they’ve had, they’ve been fine. The only previous sign was Yamato being worried about protecting Takeru when Tokyo was in danger, and anyone would be worried in that situation - you don’t need to be from a divorced family for that lol.

Back to busness - they come across... Xiaomon? Chowmon? who is annoyingly cute and helpless. Turns out, shock! The theme park is a trap! Opossomon is evil!

And he has evil balloons! Evil balloons!

Yamato and Takeru fight the balloons but somehow end up creating more fog and get separated. Previously they’d also realized that their Digivice communication wasn’t working, probably due to the fog. I hope we see more of that in future episodes.

Yamato hears Takeru’s voice coming from within the dreaded haunted house and ventures inside.

Here’s another bit that just left me like uggggh. Yamato is scared of haunted houses, so make it a big deal that he makes himself go in for Takeru! He has like one timid line about and that’s it. There’s no challenge here. There’s no stress. The whole encounter is like a minute long.

He quickly finds out the voice was actually just a mimic coming from these Takeru balloons.

And then Bakemon attacks.

Me: Now something interesting will happen, right??

Yamato: Nope.

Meanwhile, Takeru hears the story about how Opossomon has been luring Digimon into his theme park and then sacrificing them to his Monzaemon statue thing in another weird example of this Digimon-eat-Digimon world we’re in Why Opossomon is doing this, or where Monzaemon came from, is never explained.

Takeru also encounters his dreaded theme park ride, the roller coaster. But Pegasusmon takes care of it in a single attack lol.

He fights his hardest but still can’t prevent his new friend from getting sucked into the void. This was another place where they could’ve stressed Takeru out, but he’s fine.

Ugh, I miss crybaby Takeru. The victories are more powerful when the challenges are steeper, what does this show not get about that?

Monzaemon then becomes WaruMonzaemon, but he seems to be a mindless puppet ordered around by Opossomon. I DON’T GET IT BUT OKAY.

Now Takeru does something really cool! He wants to save the trapped Digimon and he understands they’re inside WaruMonzaemon’s hole. So he willingly goes in himself!

That is SO COOL! Why isn’t it a bigger deal???

Why don’t we get Takeru struggling to muster his courage?

Why don’t we get real fear and worry from Yamato when he sees him go inside??

Yamato runs up right at that moment just in time to watch his brother get swallowed up. HE SHOULD BE OUT OF HIS MIND WITH PANIC.

But he just fights normally. Shouts Takeur’s name, gets a bit of a power boost... that’s it.

Inside WaruMonzaemon, Takeru finds out that the trapped Digimon are having their life energy sucked away by the balloons connected to them.

Then he and Patamon also realize their own energy is draining away thanks to their own balloons.

Yamato finally looks properly concerned, though it’s still like... not at the level the episode needs.

He recalls the family theme park outing again, and apparently he promised Takeru that the next time, they would go on the merry-go-round together. The episode treats this promise like it’s a Big Deal, again without explaining anything like they never got that next time thanks to the divorce, or they’re so lonely being so far apart, or Yamato is obsessed with giving Takeru everything he wants... I don’t. I don’t get it. I can’t be moved by this nonsense.

why a merry go round? Maybe there’s a good reason I’m not thinking of, but I wish it had been the haunted house or the roller coaster. It would make more sense if Takeru were scared of the roller coaster and only wanted to try it if Yamato went with him, but Yamato at the time said no, and thus Takeru didn’t get over his fear and the roller coaster itself played a role in this episode both towards Takeru getting stronger and their brotherly bond getting stronger...

Inside WaruMonzaemon, Takeru gives a speech about HOPE and HOPE IS IMPORTANT and WE MUST NOT LOSE HOPE and the other Digimon are like YES WE HAVE HOPE HERE’S OUR POWER and are able to channel their life energy into Patamon so he can evolve...

... and Angemon appears. And I’m like, oh yeah, this is the Takeru episode. It’s supposed to be his episode. IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE IT. If anything, up till this point it feels like a Yamato episode.

I mean, in the other episodes, the kids’ Crest traits mattered to various degrees. Sometimes they talked about it in words, sometimes they didn’t so much, but you could see the trait at play (uh, not sure how well that applies to Jou’s case tho...? lol). This episode gets to the very end and is like “Oh yeah by the way Takeru’s trait is hope... forgot to mention it before so lemme mention it ten times in a row now!”

If Takeru had seemed sad, scared, upset - literally any negative emotion - this would have worked, BUT AS USUAL HE’S FINE THE WHOLE TIME.

Angemon wins, duh.

And apparently it’s evening now??? They’re still gonna go get food. By the time they get back the other kids are gonna be like wtf where were you we are STARVING

So yeah, I guess you get the idea of how I feel about this episode. Just nothing special. It’s like a summary of the episode it wanted to be, if you know what I mean. On paper, everything looks fine, but in execution, it’s just... a lot of nothing. I mean compare this to 99 Takeru with DemiDevimon at the theme park. Or how about that fan favorite episode with Gotsumon and Pumpkinmon? Those both kick this out of the water, despite being no more complex.

I just so want this show to understand.... what made 99 Digimon good wasn’t just the monsters and the battle scenes, it was the kids’ relatable flaws and problems and the surprisingly organic way they learned new things and overcame obstacles. Digimon Adventure in 1999 had a way of teaching without preaching that is incredibly rare in children’s media. The modus operandi was pretty much let the kids be kids.

This 2020 reboot is not preachy - but it’s also lacking the stuff that made the 99 show relatable.

However. This wasn’t a terrible episode. At least it gave us some face time between the brothers. I’m frustrated, but I’m still glad that the show has overall been moving in a much more Digimon Adventure-like direction. And who knows what will happen in the end - I plan to rewatch the whole thing after the finale and maybe I’ll discover they were doing something totally different with Yamato and Takeru the whole time that I just didn’t notice, or that wasn’t clear until the very end. We’ll see.

Next week!

My favorite Digimon, Raremon, appears!

More importantly, TAICHI AND KOUSHIROU EPISODE, TAICHI AND KOUSHIROU EPISODE, TAICHI AND KOUSHIROU EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!

like I’m sooooo psyched for this!! I hope it’s good but I’ll just be happy to see the two of them working together. Taichi didn’t appear in the preview though, only MetalGreymon - not sure if that means anything. Regardless, my little Taishiro heart is pounding!

#digimon adventure 2020 #digimon adventure:#digimon psi #digimon adventure reboot #fizz watches digimon 2020 #digimon

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belle-keys · 3 years

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Incoherent thoughts about A Court of Silver Flames (2021) by SJM

Do not expect this to be a critical, unbiased review at all. Eet just ease what eet ease. Spoilers ahead laddies.

*unwanted preface*

Okay, so like, you know those things that are neither objectively perfect nor unproblematic yet you love them and are attached to them anyway? Yeah, this is me with SJM’s writing. See, I been with Sarah and Throne of Glass since March of 2015 and with ACOTAR since the summer of 2015 when I was 13 and honestly, ACOTAR in particular occupied a decent portion of my formative teen years. Eventually, when I was about 16 I sort of ended up getting distracted from YA books and went into my thot and kpop era. A main reason for this is that I found ACOFAS particularly disenchanting. This ain’t about that book (sigh) but let’s just say as much as I was still attached to and in love with the ACOTAR world, I was still able to get very annoyed by the decreased quality of the writing and also the evident projecting Sarah was doing onto Feyre with regards to her own life and experiences (ahem). No, the lack of developed POC in the book had nothing to do with it ironically.

So basically, since the spring of 2018 I haven’t read any SJM yet I never fell out of love with the books either. I’ve sworn off TOG after whatever the hell EOS was, but ACOTAR was always more special and close to my heart by tenfold, honestly. See, the best day of my 2016 was the day I found out ACOTAR was getting the extra 3 novels and 2 novellas. ACOFAS was a dumpster fire but I was actually surprised to really, really enjoy A Court of Silver Flames while it obviously has a couple (multiple) sus facets to it. The susness aside, I thoroughly felt at home reading Nesta’s book despite how irrational that might sound. No, I’m not here to say the book was objectively good but I’m here to say I still enjoyed it despite my love-hate relationship with SJM and her writing. :( :( :(

That being said imma still roast tf out of a couple aspects of it. :)

*the susness*

Aight wbk that SJM like, projects a lot onto feyrhys right. I’m not even gonna deny it. Like as horrible as it sounds, when feyrhys were, like, struggling as a couple and shit in ACOMAF, that’s when I loved them the most but then the shitstorm that was ACOWAR hit and they couldn’t go without boning every two seconds or calling each other mates and shit and basically every character in the book started kissing their asses (except Nesta) to the point where they were infallibly good and powerful and everyone’s heads were lodged up their asses... I got PISSED OFF then, right.

Now, in ACOSF (is that correct?), they were side characters and, gratefully, that romance between them was toned down. But here are some things concerning feyrhys and the Court of Dreams that irked tf out of me, and the implications that they had for Nesta (who is perhaps one of the baddest bitches ever) had me feeling homicidal towards the IC:

Every single time Nesta said shit about Rhys and then Cassian got mad I wanted to SCREAM like yooo let her roast tf out of him like yeah I get Rhys lowkey did a lot for her both directly and indirectly but cmoooooon not everyone needs to be riding his dick like the man HATED Nesta from the get-go. I loved the idea that someone in the book lowkey abhors Rhys just for the TEA it gave me. Like yeah, okay Cassian, I get that he’s your bro but he can SUCK NESTA’S DICK also like my girl is a DEATH GOD.

Here me out: the Inner Circle completely dehumanized Nesta, they completely disregarded her personal autonomy and caged her in which is ironically the very behavior that was villainized when Tamlin did it to Feyre. First of all they restricted her movement, they made decisions FOR her, they withheld from her knowledge about her own powers, they decided what’s best for her and acted like she was a rabid dog the entire time. Only Cassian and Azriel seem more blameless in this regard, but the level of scorn and abohorence and moralizing Feyre, Elain, Rhys, Amren and Mor did towards Nes made my blood boil. At the end of the day, the Inner Circle did the VERY THING they hated being done to Feyre. Whatever happened to the freedom they professed? The autonomy they decided all members of their court deserved? That was all bullshit, or was this switch-up SJM’s way of creating justifiable conflict between Nesta and the Inner Circle... either way, there was no closure about this and the way they dictated Nesta’s behavior whilst completely mistreating her imo.

More on Nesta’s treatment - okay listen the way the narrative had every character acting like Nesta was fricking scum and for WHAT??? Okay, she didn’t hunt when Feyre and they were poor, she was bitchy, she hates the Fae... okay, why is Nesta still being punished for her mistakes like this by the Court? Does their forgiveness only apply to those in their clique? They’re acting like her drinking and sleeping around and her general bitchy behavior is sooooo toxic when they ALL coped with their respective trauma in questionable ways in their centuries of living. And the narrative never condemned them for this behavior either... like cmon they had an “intervention” about Nesta like if she needed to reach a certain moral standing to be lovable or something. Seems to me that only Cassian was willing to love her, bruises and all... “There’s nothing broken to be fixed. You are helping yourself. Healing the parts of you that hurt too much - and perhaps hurt others too”. But as beautiful as that it, it seems the IC see Nesta’s healing as her “redemption arc” when I never saw her as a villain or monster to begin with. They acted like she had to become deserving of their acceptance. Bullshit.

No cus more on this... Cassian is the only person who defended Nesta, the only person that wanted to help her heal and grow when everyone else wanted to fix her. He was the only person who was kind to her from the original trilogy (i.e. not counting Emerie and Gwyn). He stood up for her and I’ll gush about them in the next section, but the dynamic between Nesta and the IC was the least enjoyable aspect of the book for me. It was clear SJM wanted to spur Nesta towards the path to healing yet only figured out how to do so whilst only keeping feyrhys as the nucleus of this arc, and so she had them force Nesta into her “special journey” (because she loves them so much, cus they’re sooooo perfect right *rolls eye*), yet, the narrative didn’t quite condemn them for their toxicity towards Nesta at ALL, even towards the end. The good thing is that Nesta did not become an ass-kisser throughout the story and laud them for “helping her” every waking second. Only Cassian didn’t shun her for her inner negativity but embraced her. And Az was pretty cool too, can’t hate him.

Ahem, the ending: okay, I’m not even capping, but I hated that Nesta lost her power for feyrhys. I get that she genuinely did it out of love and shit and I’m not even gonna lie, the thought of feyrhys dying had me on the verge of tears cus as much as I hate them, I also love those bitches. Yet, the culmination of Nesta’s power was, what?, to save feyrhys. This way, the narrative put Feyre at the center of Nesta’s narrative towards the end. And Nesta lost that Death God power that she basically EARNED in that Cauldron. This is the biggest flaw of the story. She fought against her own power to give it up... for Feyre. Like??? What??? Why was that baby arc even necessary????? Why was Nesta giving up her power necessary to fulfil her healing arc which was the POINT of the book??? Like what?????? It left a sour taste in my mouth. No- an abhorrent acidic bitter taste in my mouth.

Elain. I CANNOT STAND THIS GIRL. She completely abandoned Nesta and for WHAT??? For Feyre??? This only served to reiterate from the narrative’s POV that Nesta was scum and again, idk WHY. And also, why tf does this girl mistreat Lucien like this??? LUCIEN AKA MY FAVORITE CHARACTER???

I just don’t get how the narrative reiterated that Tamlin is the worst of the worst when you got Rhys hiding shit from Feyre, hiding knowledge of Nesta’s power from Nesta, all of that. Like, was the entire point of ACOMAF not for Feyre to embrace her power and become her best self? Rhys never for one second tolerated withholding Feyre’s power from her. So why tf does this apply to Nesta? Cus she’s unhealthy? Okay... so what??? Why villainize her like this and imply she’s undeserving of her power and a waste of life??? I’M LAUGHING SO HARD RN LIKE WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM??? What did my girl do that was sooooo bad that yall needed to treat her like this. Tell me why feyre and amren and varian and rhys all acted like Tamlin in this book. Cardi voice WHAT WAS THE REASON. I AM SO MAD ABOUT THIS CUS THEY ACTED LIKE THE FRICKING MORALISING SYCHOPHANTS THEY CLAIM TO HATE.

Like bitch??? They’re like those youth pastors that reiterate how broken and messed up people with mental illness are? Acted like Nesta screwing guys was the worst thing ever when they should have embraced her? Like I get she would push them away but really??? “Waste of life”???

So we gon gloss over how Amren was insisting Nesta shut up about the baby business to Feyre (aka hiding shit from her)? How she was implying that Rhys should conquer all of Prythian? Hear me out, even as someone from a Caribbean country that was colonized by the whites, it actually doesn’t bother me when the theme of conquest comes up, like, this is a fantasy novel and colonization does not exist within the same context for me. That being said, like, it felt as if the narrative telling me lil Rhysie is just sooooo perfect that he needs to be High King. Like, I respect the fact that Rhys has no wish to do so. Homeboy never seemed to care for conquest beyond ensuring his Court’s prowess and safety so WHAT WAS THE REASON AMREN??? Like? What kinda crack was Amren on this entire book???

The worldbuilding... listen, the politics and history felt all over the place, felt incoherent and flat honestly. Didn’t bother me as much as it did in ACOWAR but it was just *meh*, not good. Not horrible, but not great. I preferred the world when it was directly the result of Beauty and the Beat and East of the Sun, West of the Moon.

The Fae have lost their *magic*: no cus what I loved about the first book was that the Fae were one with the Courts and felt very fleshed out in terms of their powers and shit, but now only Eric and Lucien and Tamlin and sometimes Rhys have that same magic for me. Like... the sensuality of the Fae in terms of their actual Celtic roots, that which felt whimsical and immersive in the first book, feels lost to me. I can’t explain it but I feel less nuance and orthodoxy in their portrayal. However, I DID love this one line featuring none other than the loml : “Amid the pink and white blossoms, the cold-faced Autumn Court heir looked truly faerie - as if he’d stepped out of the tree, and his one and only master was the earth itself”. LIKE I SALIVATED THAT IS MY MAN.

*good stuffs*

Okay let’s talk about the smut like I didn’t like the word choice as usual like quit with the euphemisms and say cock and goooooo. That being said like, okay, I like how she set up the physical dynamic between Nesta and Cassian cus the sex wasn’t some big romantic climactic build-up like how it was in acomaf like they were being NASTY from the get-go and I respect that drip. Like she did not cap on how porny the smut was and thank God it wasn’t some cliche romantic honeymoon type shit, like it was almost on the ao3 level of smutty goodness. All it was was missing was coarse language and hard kinks but in general, I liked the Nessian smut in this book more than the feyrhys smut in particularly ACOWAR and ACOFAS, like Nessian just do not cap.

Listen... you see that whole part when Nesta was like imagining how awesome it would be to dance Lucifer’s Bachata with Az and Cassian? Yeah, my girl just let her thoughts run wild. Like Nesta makes Feyre look naïve. Like you know how Tumblr porn in 2016 used to be with the aesthetic type shit? That’s Feyre, but Nesta is like on Pornhub level and it’s so fitting I was YELLIN lowkey. I feel like less importance was placed on how meaningful the sex and shit should be in the book and I respect that.

YOU SEE WHEN NESTA TOLD FEYRE ABOUT THE BABY!!! I WAS CHEERING HER ON. No cause they were being so nasty to Nesta especially Amren and then Feyre entered with all of her moralising shit like honey you KNOW damn well what you’re doing to Nesta is what you hate being done to you. Like damn right tell her, cus I could not STAND the double standard.

The whole training the women thing was a nice touch. It was kinda corny but also sweet. That being said, I laughed so hard when I realized how this entire book was Nesta’s quarter-life hippie rebirth where she learns to meditate and work out and read romance books and face her inner demons like this is some real New York college shit. All that was missing was a Starbucks.

Cassian. Man I love this man so much. No like he displayed peak dilf behavior. I think his attractiveness isn’t based on his bravery or his hotness but his humility man. Like he’s not a thot, he’s respectful, yet tough, yet contemplative. He’s contented with his life station yet wants to always be a better person yet is such a strong rock who really loves Nesta not despite her flaws but because they are part of her. I love the way he stood up to Rhys a lot, he didn’t shame her when she was awful to him, and he is protective (annoyingly so sometimes) but he really wanted her to empower herself. Their relationship isn’t perfect (I’m not in the mood to dissect the problematic aspects rn) but they were so sweet together and I didn’t expect to like them as much as I did back when they were lowkey a thing in ACOMAF.

The mates thing didn’t bother me cus I saw this shit coming since 2016. Yes, it’s cliche and annoying but the mates status also, like, has no meaning to me so it is what it is. Didn’t think they NEEDED to be mates but I was happy that them being mates wasn’t the core of the novel and it was secondary to Nesta’s individual healing journey.

Prepare for me to get sappy but another reason why I loved this novel was because it was a story of healing. :( :( :( The road to healing and growth in the emotional sense is always beautiful to me despite how flawed it often is when SJM writes it. I just felt really immersed in the emotional woes and eventual growth of Nesta despite my issues with the book and this is perhaps one of the main reasons that I found it beautiful, because healing as a theme is always beautiful and raw.

More of Nessian but like their relationship feels so real and raw too. No, cus like, it wasn’t tinged in as much fictitious idealism as feyrhys’ relationship was. They weren’t all stupidly in love and seeing each other in the universe and shit, like they just made each other happy and weren’t portrayed as the perfect soulmates who were each other’s yin and yang and whatever thank the LORD. Them having each other’s back was enough and ughhhh Cassian was just so sweet and such a good trainer and so aloof yet passionate like I been waiting to see more of him since ACOMAF so yayyy.

Okay... that scene where Rhys kneels to Nesta and she embraces him. yes. YES YES YES YES YES that shit was the shit that made my year like I want this man to be in her debt for the end of time like this hoe saved yall like big strong high lord better bow to the “witch” like I could hear angelic choirs at that scene like Rhys doesn’t just yield to people so easily so like, it was just kinda epic okay. Little bitchass Rhys with his perfect little river house and emo boi clothes stfu hoe.

No cus I love how Nesta told Cassian she didn’t wanna hear about Feyre’s special journey or Rhys’s special journey or Mor’s like I got fed up of people acting like they epitomized “good” and the “good path” to self-discovery when they can choke on a baguette as far as I am concerned.

*shit no one except me probs cares about*

Eris. So here is the thing. Since 2015 in ACOTAR when Eris was Under the Mountain being all red-headed and cunning and sexy and evil I have been obsessed with him... well, the idea of him I had in my head and how delectably abhorrent he seems (I like villains and side-characters okay). Maybe it was just his name (Eris is a hot name shut up) or the idea of a rich, cunning fox-faced prince in the same universe appealed to me. Either way, I actually never expected by favorite cameo-character to become... important. I’ll die on the hill of loving him. Here is the thing... I don’t want him to be good, in the same way I did not want Rhys to be a good guy in ACOTAR either. I don’t need him to be a secret angel, I don’t need him to be sweet and good like Rhys always was apparently. Honestly, I want him corrupt but likeable and pertinent to the story. That being said, I really want him as the main character for one of the upcoming novels sooo bad like please PLEASE let me see the autumn court and it’s two-facedness please like if not Eris then Lucien as the main character please.

Lucien... aka my fave character since the first book man. Mannn, SJM does homeboy so dirty like I have always loved Russian fables and hence, I am so ready for Lucien x Vassa x Jurian in the Vasilisa retelling with the firebird trope and Koshei. NO CUS in 2018 I was finna write a 100k word fic about this but then I forgot about it no cap, I still have the story plan in my Onenote actually but let us not reminisce. See, my ao3-loving ass wants an angsty poly relationship and also a hot Koshei I have been waiting YEARS for this you hoes, ever since Elain got the premonition of Vassa as a firebird in ACOWAR like God please please please give it to me and make it feyrhys-less as well yasss.

I lowkey wanna suspect Eris is gay and Mor, also gay, knows and that’s why she lowkey kinda tolerates him now. Yet, I cannot be sure and yeah I just wanna say that I kinda want that arc lmfaooo (my ao3-self is showing shut up).

No cus I was TEASED by only seeing a glimpse of Vassa and Jurian but THEY SHALL HAVE THEIR TIME I KNOW IT.

Tamlin living as a beast is so interesting to me. He’s a side-character now but ughhhh he was so mystical and interesting as our good ole Beauty and the Beast beastie like it’s sooooo mysterious and alluring how he’s becoming his own villainous legend like I still care about Tamlin’s blond ass self despite everything.

Give us the snowball fight scene you coward.

I just gotta say Nessian could outsmut Feyrhys any day and that makes me proud.

FRICKING AZRIEL like first of all Mor doesn’t NEED to come out until she’s ready but she gotta let the man down nicely some other way so he can move on. I do not like Elain. Never did. I still do not. I do not, frankly, want a whole novel where she and Azriel fall in love and she rejects Lucien like... okay, I DO want her to reject Lucien so he can be with Vassa at the very least but also I am not interested in Elain’s POV rn. BUT I WANT AZ’S POV AND LIKE WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO I WANT MY EMO BOI TO BE HAPPY. This is so frustrating cus Az is a walking DILF right and so, what am I supposed to do now.

I kinda miss the Spring Court just a little. It’s pretty shut up. It got that Zuhair Murad fashion too.

Umm like, what the hell is up with that business with Helion being Lucien’s dad? We need more on this which is why I want a Lucien POV book goddammit.

Yoooooooo yall remember that bitch from ACOWAR who hybern was finna kill and she had a name and everything and then there was some foreshadowing and shit? What’s up with her? Like I can’t even remember her name lowkey but yeah what’s up with that. Was it something like Briar or Briannon or somthing???

Is Mor getting a book? Like deadass I need the Lucien and Vassa book, I need the Eris book, I need the Mor book and I need the Azriel book. Damn. Been waiting 6 years for some of this shit.

Okay that is all for now. Yes, this book has problematic elements at every level but I still loved it yet also hated some things about it. I won’t read House of Blood and Earth nor will I finish the TOG series but I guess I’ll stick with this series which remains near and dear to my soul despite what people gotta say about it. It made me happy and that’s what matters. Nesta is a huge ass inspiration to me as a character and I still wanna see her make the Inner Circle’s life a living hell uwu. I admittedly got HELLA emotional reading this story because it’s nonetheless super meaningful to me even at age 19 and it’s really powerful for me as a comfort book, and I look forward (a little) to what this woman put out next... sort of.

Signing off! Don’t @ me (okay you CAN @ me but idc).

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angrylizardjacket · 4 years

Text

mouth full of white lies {Machine Gun Kelly} 2

2. i been fronting that it’s just for the summer

Summary: So you’re together, sort of, and it’s great! Everyone seems to be convinced, that’s not the issue. The issue comes when you fly to LA for filming, and you decide to stay with Colson, but the room only has one bed. And the paparazzi crash your first “date”. And he kisses you and your heart feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest, which is not supposed to happen because this isn’t a real relationship! But it’s fine. Probably.

A/N: So bare with me, it’s a very long chapter. Also, pretend the Tunnel of Love remix by haroinfather came out before 2018 and not in 2019. Enjoy.

the brainstrust: @sataninsatin @silvertonguedserpent @juliarose21 @kellysimagines @estxxbritt @machine-gun-casie @harringtonstudios @misscharlottelee @narcvissa @hiworlditishumbleme @angelwarner28 @nevilles-insinuations @rumoured-whispers @mgkobsessed @edwardtriggerhandzz @suckerforbarnes @wastelcve @bakerkells @local-troubled-writer @freddiessmallnipples @oopsiedoopsie23

----

It feels like you’re braced for impact when you walk into rehearsals the day after you release the video. Douglas has already seen it, of course he has, he messages you minutes after it’s posted.

[Dig Doug: Not gonna say I Told You So, but im glad you’re happy. 🦆🦆]

It gets you to smile, despite your anxiety surrounding the whole situation.

“Now what?” Colson asked after the video was posted, sitting next to you on his bed. The duvet is so soft, and somehow the whole situation is so inherently soft. Maybe it’s that you’re both in hoodies and sweat pants. Maybe it’s that you’d just told the world that you’re dating. His eyes are so blue.

You phone goes off.

His phone goes off.

Both of you have Twitter muted, but even so, it needed to let you both know that you were getting a lot of mentions.

“Now we’re dating,” you say, flipping your phone over, while Colson picks his up, opening Twitter and beginning to scroll through his mentions. Where in the Hell were you meant to go from here.

“Alright, cool; you wanna get pizza or something?” He asks, simple as that, and it’s now you seem to realise that you’ve been so stressed from everything that had been happening that you hadn’t been remembering to feed yourself.

“Honestly, I’d love to.”

The next day, however, it’s the elephant in the room; the others don’t say anything, but everyone, even Douglas to some extent, was wondering how in the hell they had missed your apparent relationship. But it’s not awkward; you and Colson act the same as always, you take notes for Josy, and get coffee, and type away on your laptop.

They break for lunch, and you look up from your work only to see Josy making a beeline for you, an intimidating look of determination written all over her face. Ah, here’s where the interrogation begins. Glancing over your shoulder you see Colson shoot you an amused, if concerned look, glancing to Josy. In response, you shrug; it can’t be helped.

“We need to talk,” Josy tells you, steers you from the room, across the parking lot, into a whole new building, where she paces for about three minutes, unable to look at you, hands basically pulling out her hair, all of which amuses you greatly. When she comes to a stop in front of you, it’s as if you can see the cogs of her brain turning, her fingers steepled in front of her mouth as she tries to order her thoughts.

“You know you’re my favourite assistant in the world and I treasure our friendship, right?” She asks, and you fix her with a fondly exasperated stare.

“Of course, you see fit to remind me every time I bring you coffee -”

“Then why, my little duck, my little goose, apple of my eye, enchilada of my bosom,” she says with an almost poisonous sweetness, looking you directly in the eye, “would you date one of my actors?” And you have to hold back your laughter in the face of her sincere and rather angry confusion.

“Josy, please,” you start, and she already looks like she wants to interrupt, “I like him is all, okay? I won’t be a distraction -” you can already see her trying to protest, but you hold up your hand to stop her, “and he won’t distract me; if anything, it means there’ll be no outside distractions, hopefully.”

“[Y/N] you test me,” Josy sighs deeply, scrubbing at her face, “how long?”

This gives you cause for hesitation, because neither you nor Colson had thought to get your whole story straight the night before. He had ordered room service and you’d just talked about music until you finally went back to your own room. An oversight, sure, but you had been glad to have a plan, and were happy to figure out the details later.

“A few weeks -” when you say this, Josy makes a choked, wheezing noise, and you pause, “since... uh, since he took us around the city at the end of the first week.”

“Does Douglas know?”

“He’s not my handler,” you fire off reflexively, and Josy winces, a little sheepish, “but yes.” You paused. “Now.”

Josy lets the whole conversation slide with some reluctance, and she asks you to get her lunch from the deli a few blocks away. You agree, partially because it’s your job, but mostly because you’re just glad to get out of the building and away from her exasperated, judgmental stares.

He’s corrupting you. It’s what the media thinks. It’s what Josy thinks. And something about the assumption is already starting to get under your skin. But right as you start to get truly annoyed by the subtext she had been blasting you with, you hear your phone chime.

[Colson: am i gonna get The Talk from my AD later on? Ducky: wot Colson: like u no... if you hurt my daughter im gonna hurt you Ducky: Josys not my mom??? shes like 3 years older than me???? Colson: its a joke. chill ducky. everything alright tho? Ducky: told her wed been dating since that night i filmed a few weeks ago Colson: smart. everyone thinks weve been together since then nyways Ducky: you want anything from the deli? Colson: what Ducky: im at the deli. u want a sandwich? Colson: yeh sure. surprise me. maybe chicken idk. webber wants a chocolate milk Ducky: milks bad for vocal cords Colson: he doesnt care 😈]

It makes you laugh. He makes you laugh. It’s as easy as that; you’re still friends, it’s just that you spend more time together, are closer, when you go out for dinner with the cast, he’s invariably beside you. You’re both always on time to rehearsals, and he keeps sending you selfies from costume and makeup tests, and it’s going fine, great even, despite all the nasty DMs you were still receiving. Of course the supportive ones always outweighed the negative, and even the negative didn’t really bother you, because it’s not as if there was a real relationship in jeopardy, so it actually took a lot of weight off your shoulders.

Filming is set to start on location in LA after about a month and a half of rehearsals, and while the first month had primarily been working on scenes, the extra fortnight you’d been there had been almost consistently rehearsing as a band for eight hours a day, six days a week. The day before you’re due to fly off, the whole cast looks exhausted at brunch.

“Pass me the salt,” Colson yawns, half asleep with his head against the window of the cafe.

“It’s right in front of you,” you counter, knocking his knee with yours beneath the table.

“My arms don’t work,” he groaned, but he was smiling now, just a little. You look to the other cast members all enjoying their own respective breakfasts. Daniel’s on voice rest, despite the fact that they’re going to be using recordings of Motley Crue themselves for the actual film, they still want him able to perform covers for when they’re filming; currently he’s nursing a lemon and ginger tea with enough honey to drown a bee. Actually, Colson was the only one out of the four of them not to be drinking tea; both Iwan and Douglas both having ordered a cup with their breakfasts. Iwan was the only one who looked ready for the day, with the rest of them all slumped over in various states of exhaustion.

“Ducky, come on, please?” Colson actually whined, and you rolled your eyes, passing him the salt.

“You’re so needy,” you tell him, but your smile is enough to let him know that you’re joking.

“Why’re you called Duck, if I may ask?” Iwan asks, and you heave a sigh, knowing Douglas was already smiling before you even turn to look at him.

“Because when our parents first brought her home, all she did was follow me around like a duckling,” his tone is all fond, and he wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you in for a side hug despite your indignant noise of protest.

“Adorable,” Iwan grins over the lip of his cup. You just groan, and steal a bite of Douglas’ pancakes, though he doesn’t seem to mind, “have you worked much in the industry?” Iwan’s accent sounds like home, and despite how quiet and bitter he is in character, he’s rather bright and talkative as a person.

“Here and there; I actually spent quite a few of my teenage years as Doug’s assistant when he would be filming in London,” you say with a half-smile, “still a bit of a duck I suppose, but it looks good on my CV. I do odd-jobs on sets here and there back home, have been a runner for a few TV shows, but I don’t really go out of my way to be on camera, you know,” you shrug, before hearing your mistake. Both Colson and Douglas are already laughing, while Daniel and Iwan just seem confused. “Apart from, like, my actual job, you know? Like I’m on camera for YouTube, but not for a real movie or anything.”

“Well you seem very good at your job, we’re glad to have you onboard,” Iwan nods with a surprisingly sincere smile. Beneath the table, Colson’s hand is on your knee, and he gives you a small squeeze.

“I thought your hands didn’t work?” You raise an eyebrow at him, and Douglas almost spits his drink all over Daniel at the implication.

“Excuse me?” His eyes are wide as saucers and Colson’s quickly turning red.

“I said my arms don’t work but damn, call me out why don’t you?” He splutters, raising his hands in the air in mock surrender, with only mild wincing. It’s about now that you realise the assumption that your brother had jumped to.

“His hand was on my knee, Doug, I was trying to make a joke,” you explain, flustered, though Daniel and Iwan on the other side of the booth have collapsed on top of each other with laughter. You, Douglas, and Colson, however, are all equally mortified, and make a point to move so neither of you are touching as you finish your breakfast quickly.

“I just appreciate,” Daniel was still chuckling as you all left the cafe, as was Iwan, “that Doug genuinely thought Colson was getting busy with his sister at brunch, like, right next to him under the table.

“Nah,” Iwan actually laughs, his smile sharp, “they’re just really in character.”

“Hello! Hello and welcome back, ducklings! Today we’re flying all the way to sunny L.A, which honestly isn’t that far from Portland, but the production company was nice enough to not make us road trip it.”

The video starts in your hotel room, and follows you as you pack your things, and cuts to a montage set to some royalty-free music, of you heading to the airport, of the cast yawning. Your brother buys you breakfast at a fast-food restaurant in the airport, and you check your bags; a panning shot in the waiting area, of every single member of the cast and crew that are taking this flight on their phones.

“You look cute,” you mutter very quietly to Colson, who’s sitting next to you, scrolling through Twitter with a travel pillow squished up around his neck. He gives you a toothy smile, leans his cheek against the pillow, and winks at the camera.

The hotel you’re staying at is beautiful, all marble pillars in the foyer and beige and cream counters, and it feels like it might be too much. This is where the stars stay, and you? You know you’re absolutely not a star.

“Duck?” And there’s Josy’s voice, hesitant, about to tell you the jig is up, hand you keys to a water stained motel room a few blocks away. When you turn to her, she’s got two separate key cards in her hands.

“Yes, Josy?” You ask sweetly; it’s not her fault, after all, that you’re not a top-billed star.

“So corporate wanted to put you with some of the other crew, they’re staying in a place down the road - it’s really lovely, trust me, and if you want it we can still get you a room - but,” Josy glanced to the cards in her hand, before holding them out, one in each hand, “if you’d like to stay here, both your brother and Colson are happy to share with you.” And at this, your brain stalls, looking at the key cards being offered to you.

“Why didn’t they tell me this?”

“Because they’re already heading up, but they wanted me to let you know that the offer’s there.”

So it seems that in the three minutes that you were mooning over the architecture, and giving the guys their space, since you’d assumed you’d be staying elsewhere, both your brother and your fake boyfriend happened to mention that you’re able to stay with them if you want. Douglas is not a surprise; Colson is.

“How big are the rooms, I don’t want to -” you start, but Josy’s quick to cut you off.

“The size isn’t the matter; they’re big enough rooms, got really comfortable sofas from what I could see, but...”

“But?” You prompt, and Josy gives a smile.

“Of course, it’s all about what you’re comfortable with; you know Doug’s more than happy to take the sofa, I just know you and Colson haven’t been together that long -” And here it all starts to make sense, and you hope the smile you give isn’t nervous as you ask which key is which. You take Colson’s.

The elevator ride up to the cast’s floor has you wracked with nerves, which you think is ridiculous; you can sleep on the sofa, it’s no trouble, and he wouldn’t have offered the room if he hadn’t meant it. So why does the idea of staying in a room with him, with only one bed, have your heart beating so fast? You’d been teasing each other, flirting and being cute together, in front of other people, that was easy, but since the night you’d released the video, you hadn’t really been alone together. You hadn’t needed to be. It seems like all you can think about as you walk down the beige hallway to your room, on auto-pilot as you scan your key card and enter the room.

It’s quiet.

There’s the gentle whistling of wind that comes from the balcony, the overhead sun beating down on the pristine, Hollywood beaches. He sits on the balcony, plush armchair, smoking a joint with his shirt off. Inside, it’s all white walls and gold accents, his suitcase on the bed, already open the contents inside surprisingly neatly folded. There’s a door beside you that you’re pretty sure leads to the bathroom, and the room itself is spacious, with a gorgeous, gray sofa sitting off to one side, and a wall-mounted television on the other. Just for the moment, all the fears and anxieties in your mind vanish at the sight of this pristine serenity.

Quietly, you wheel your own suitcase to the sofa, and pull out your phone.

He’s stunning, like that, his feet up on the coffee table on the balcony, free hand tapping a lazy beat on the arm of his chair. You take a candid photo of him as he exhales smoke, and it catches the sunlight beautifully, with the water out of focus in the background.

“Can I post this?” You ask, and he jumps a little, not having heard you come in, before his concerned expression morphs to a genuine smile when he realises that it’s you. Turning the phone to him, you show him the photo you took, and he lowers his sunglasses to get a proper look at it. After a beat, his gaze flicks to yours.

“’course, it’s a nice photo.”

“You’re very photogenic,” you brush of his compliment with a smile, and he pushes his glasses back up his nose, looking out from the balcony.

“You crashing here?”

“If it’s not too much trouble,” you respond, and he actually laughs, though the sound is kind.

“Wouldn’t have offered if it was.”

Easy. Like everything else about him, it seemed, this was easy.

You caption the photo ‘the view from my balcony 😍’ and post it on both Twitter, and your Instagram story, tagging him in both, and you set about checking out the room’s facilities. It’s a normal, if fancy hotel room. Little bottles of soaps and shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom, TV with a bunch of standard channels, and a whole ton more that you could pay for if you wanted, it even had a set of cables so you could charge your phone, either side of the bed. The singular bed. Which Colson has clearly already claimed.

Maybe it had been a mistake to not board with your brother.

“I’m getting lunch, you want anything?” You call, needing to get out of your own head for a bit, wanting to explore the city a little. He’s quiet for a moment, then you hear a strained ‘yeah’.

“Gimme a moment, let me put on a shirt and I’ll come with you,” he tells you through a lung full of smoke, putting the joint out in the ash tray provided, tucking the other half in his pocket for later.

“You not gonna vlog this?” He asks, half smiling in the elevator, hands tucked into his pockets.

“Oh, shit, knew I forgot something,” you mutter, and you go to punch in the number of your floor again, but his hand catches yours.

“We’re coming back after, don’t worry about it.”

And, well, you don’t.

It’s easy to talk to him, you swap stories about life in the entertainment industry from two wildly different perspectives, and you find a cute and overpriced restaurant to have lunch in. All the while, you’re so aware of where you are, how there could be any number of people snapping photos of the pair of you. It’s not like you’re being overtly couple-y, you’d only been putting on this ruse for three weeks at this point, but he pays for your lunch.

“Oh, I didn’t realise this was a date,” you admit, a little surprised, a little flustered. He shrugs, eats the last bite of his burger, and smiles.

“Why not? We haven’t had the chance to go on one yet, let’s take it for a test drive. Do they- are boardwalks still a thing? Is a boardwalk carnival still a thing or was that just the nineties?” You’re actually rather taken aback by his suggestion, and can’t help but grin, picking up your mostly empty glass to swirl the ice at the bottom.

“Pretty sure boardwalks are a thing, not sure about carnivals on them, but we can check it out.”

You each finish your drinks and leave, setting off for the waterfront. Feeling bold, you tuck your arm in his, and enjoy the Spring-time sunshine. The boardwalk, as it turns out, is still definitely a thing, as are the kitschy carnival rides along it.

“I feel like a fuckin’ teenager,” Colson mutters under his breath, knowing you’ll hear it, “if we see a couple where they’re both wearing braces, looking like they just got out of school, I’m throwing myself straight into the ocean.” He informs quietly, and you snort at that.

“Not a fan of traditional cute date shit?” You ask, as the pair of you approach the ticket booth.

“Not in the slightest,” Colson admits through his teeth while trying to smile at the attendant. The attendant, who obviously recognizes at least one of you, is doing her best not to look like she’s staring. You each buy a ride pass and head in, and the girl tells you to have a good afternoon, with a nervous sort of excitement.

“This feels like somewhere I’d go with my daughter,” Colson looks doubtfully up at the ferris wheel that sat ahead of you at the end of the pier, looking more than a little perturbed, but his words struck you in a way that you hadn’t expected.

“Have you told her about us?” You asked, and he casts an unreadable glance at you.

“Listen, if we’re going to talk about... stuff like this, let’s at least do it somewhere a little more private?” It seems he, just like you, is acutely aware of how busy the little set of attractions is, and having already been recognized once, it’s almost certainly not going to be the last time today.

The gangly-limbed teenager working the ferris-wheel doesn’t even hide that he’s staring at Colson with hero-worship in his eyes, and he gives you a look over, followed by an approving, rather smug nod, before closing the door of the carriage. It makes your skin crawl.

“Why does everyone get to decide if I’m good enough for you based on my looks?” You hear yourself mutter, but Colson’s slinging his arm around your shoulders as the pair of you are raised steadily into the air.

“Who gives a shit? They’re jealous, and it doesn’t matter because we’re not really together anyways,” he’s got a point, but your expression is still downcast, and there’s a strange sadness settling in the pit of your stomach.

“I suppose.”

Once you’re high enough in the air that no-one from the ground should be able to hear either of you even a little bit, Colson sits back, lets his gaze drift across the horizon.

“I told Cassie about us, told her the truth.” He doesn’t sugar coat it, doesn’t try and explain his way out of it, when instead he looks tense, like he’s read to defend himself. You, however, nod, giving him an understanding smile.

“Of course, she’s your daughter,” you pause, and he finally looks back at you, and you think you see some hint of relief in his eyes, “I never expected for you to lie to her.”

“She’s a good kid,” he assures softly, “got a good head on her shoulders.” And now he’s turning fond, giving your shoulder a squeeze, “fuckin’ who knows where she got it, ‘cos it ain’t me.” Laughing a little, he’s surprised when you answer, voice soft and sincere.

“You’ve gotta give yourself more credit,” you tell him matter-of-factly, “you wouldn’t be half as successful as you are if you didn’t have a good bit of sense.”

“I knew there was a reason I was dating you,” he teases, pulling you in close, but you play along.

“Yeah, it’s that good sense of yours,” you returned, and he gave you a gentle shove. “Am I going to meet her at all?” You ask finally, and Colson gives another shrug.

“Yeah, I mean sure, she wants to come to set, so if you’re around you’re welcome to meet her,” his fingers are drumming lightly against your shoulder, “I should warn you though, she tends to vet any girls I’m getting serious about pretty hard, fake or not.” And yeah, you’re laughter’s a bit disbelieving, and though he sees the humour in it, he doesn’t seem to be joking, “she’s a good judge of character, and I’ll tell you now, I’m mad protective of her, but she’s mad protective of me too.” The thought of it is actually endearing, and you lean into him, letting yourself heave a sigh of contentment, glad to have talked this through.

“This would have been real nice to film,” he muttered, a teasing edge to his voice as the two of you stared out at the glittering ocean.

“Don’t even start,” you gave his ribs a shove, which only made him laugh, the sound warm and easy in the afternoon air, the sun moving slowly to the horizon.

Slowly but surely Colson was warming to the little boardwalk carnival. The two of you play obviously rigged games, and ride the rollercoaster that creaks ominously, and he even convinces you to share some fairy floss. He snaps a picture of you grinning wide and genuine as you offer him the treat, and posts it to Twitter with the caption ‘sweet’.

There’s a Tunnel of Love ride that Colson had adamantly refused to go on at first, but as sunset was drawing closer, he relented.

“I’m not a cliche! I’m not a fucking cliche!” He huffs, sitting beside you with his arms crossed, his legs so long that his knees came up almost comically. You’re filming on your phone for your Instagram story, and will later add at least two heart gifs, but for now you’re just obnoxiously singing the Tunnel of Love remix, thankful that you’re the only two on the ride at the moment.

“You so fucking cute, when I see you, I uwu, can you be my fucking boo? Can you be my sailor moon?” Hearing the smile in your voice, he turns to you, something about his expression softening as he sees the joy written all over your face that the camera can’t see, “and I don't wanna fight, I just wanna treat you right; I was aiming at your heart and I don't wanna say goodbye.”

He just laughs, and shakes his head as the ride takes off, fond adoration written all over his face.

The sun’s setting by the time you’ve ridden all the rides you wanted to, eaten all the candy you could possibly stomach, and failed at enough rigged games that you were about ready to call it quits.

“Hey I didn’t just wanna come here for the carnival shit,” he said, and you’ve got your arm tucked into his again as he steers you both to the edge of the boardwalk, where there was a set of steps down to the beach.

“Under the boardwalk,” you nod knowingly, which he parrots back with a smile. Beneath the boardwalk there was a gaggle of youth, looking slightly older than teenagers, some still in uniforms from boardwalk rides, some smoking, most looking intimidating, but when Colson asks them for a light, they seem to get much less hostile.

“Hey are you MGK?” One asks, and when Colson lights the half a joint he had from earlier, he nods. “Sick.” The kid nods sagely, before his gaze turns on you. “And you’re that Booth chick, aren’t you? I’ve seen you on Twitter.” It’s not hostile, it’s genuinely curious.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Eddie, that’s [Y/N], do you live under a rock?” One of the girls pipes up, decked out in black, with a thick piercing through her septum, and an intimidating amount of eyeliner. The boy, Eddie, flushes scarlet, and snaps that not everyone watches the same shit as her. “I’m Samara,” the girl offers with a grin, offering her hand to you, which you shake, more than a little pleased with their various reactions.

“I heard yous was boinking -” a third girl interrupts, wearing a boardwalk uniform and hitting a vape pen pretty hard.

“Emma!” More than one of them shout, though Samara is the loudest.

“Is boinking still the term?” Colson snorts, taking it all in stride, though he’s got an arm around you now, “Jesus fuck I feel ancient.”

“You are -” Emma interrupts, much to the rest of the group’s chagrin, but Colson just laughs.

“I’m twenty-seven you fucker!” He crows, and Emma cracks a smile, and takes another hit off of her vape pen. “Whatever,” he shrugs, “just tryin’ to show my girl everything LA has to offer.”

“So you come under the boardwalk?” Eddie asks, with a skepticism that made you all flustered at his insinuations.

“Can you blame us for wanting a bit of privacy?” Colson smirks, to which the group of youths all collectively ‘ooh’ at, and he gives your hip a squeeze.

“Try the one a quarter of a mile that way,” Samara points further down the beach, “less carnival, less people.” She winks, before adding, surprisingly hopefully, “but could we get like, a photo or something first?”

Of course you both agree, and among the group photos, you learn that they’re all working around town during winter break for college. Samara specifically asks for a photo with you, where she plants a kiss on your cheek, looking a little flustered herself, muttering a quiet thanks. You follow her back on Instagram, and she gives you this starry-eyed look.

“She’s got a crush on you,” Colson snickers as the two of you head down the beach, well and truly out of earshot of the others, and you smile, finally looking up from your phone, a little endeared at the young woman’s antics.

“Jealous?” You ask, loftily, and you expect him to laugh, but he goes quiet. When you turn to him, he’s regarding you with amusement, and something else you can’t quite identify. “Colson?” And you slow, now near enough to the next section of the boardwalk. As promised, it was rather secluded.

After a beat, he leans in and kisses you, soft and unexpected, but his lips fit against yours like you were made for each other. Leaning into him, you wrap your arms around him, letting him pull you close. Not exactly sure what triggered this, you’re just happy to lean into it, enjoying the moment. And then he’s pulling back, forehead resting against yours.

“You see the guy to our left who’s just left the group of kids under the boardwalk? Hawaiian shirt and expensive camera?” He asks quietly, and you glance out of the corner of eye, only to spot the exact person he’s talking about, you make a quiet noise of confirmation, and you keep up the ruse, hand coming up to cup his jaw, butterflies going ballistic in your stomach despite now knowing that it was obviously for show, “been following us for the past hour.”

“Fucking paps,” you hiss, but before your expression can sour, he kisses you again, gives you a squeeze, as if to remind you to put on a show of not noticing him. Much to your surprise, he bites gently at your bottom lip, and you let out a quiet but pleased noise that neither of you had expected, and when he leans back, he looks both surprised and kind of into it, what’s more unexpected is that the exact same expression is written all over your face too.

“Back to the boardwalk, uber back to the hotel?” You ask, resolutely not talking about what had happened, but still smiling and all up in his personal space.

“Love it, let’s get out of here,” and he takes your hand, and leads you back to the safety of the street. It’s the first time the two of you had kissed, not that you’d realised it in the morning, but it was good, you reflect, it felt like it made sense. If you’re a little more giddy than you probably should be on the way back, Colson doesn’t seem to notice, in fact, he’s grinning too, humming to himself.

There’s two posts, one right after the other on Samara’s Instagram story when you check it that night, after having briefly seen it in the uber on the way back to the hotel.

The first is a video captioned [gross thats my mom and dad] The video was pixelated as hell, and she hadn’t tagged either you or Colson, but you knew it was the two of you, wrapped up in each other, half a mile down the beach. In the background, her friends are arguing about something much closer, though one voice cuts through louder than the rest.

“Hey, Hawaiian shirt hipster paparazzi fuck! Yeah you! Give ‘em some fucking privacy!” And as the voice, who you think is Emma, shouts, Samara turns to focus the camera on the paparazzi Colson had spotted earlier, still incredibly zoomed in, capturing his sheepish, angry expression in all it’s rather pixelated glory.

“Fuck you kids!” He shouts back. Someone throws a can at him.

“Piss off!” Samara shouts, “we know you’re not taking photos of seagulls, cunt!” He goes to respond, but the group just starts chucking things at him. In the background, you can see yourself and Colson heading back up to street level, oblivious to what was going on.

The second post is a screenshot of a set of DMs between yourself and Samara.

@yourinstagramhandle mentioned you in their story

6:28pm

@yourinstagramhandle responded 😍 to your story @yourinstagramhandle: god i fucking love you guys, it was so great to meet you @unholy-samara-tin: 😅😅😅 it was the right thing to do lmao no stress he was a creepy fucker

It’s captioned [HOLY SHIT I’VE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN].

You get dinner with Douglas and tell him about your day, and he gives you this sweet, if a little smug smile.

“You seem very happy.” He says, knowingly.

“I am, it was a good day!” You tell him, and he hums, but won’t say anything else on the matter. The conversation is taken up mostly by excitement regarding the makeup and costume fittings that they have over the next week and a half before filming starts, and then it’s back to your own rooms. At your door, Douglas calls out to you, three rooms away.

“It’s strange to see you so grown up, duckling,” he hasn’t called you that in so long, not since you were children, even your mother had abandoned that nickname for the mildly less embarrassing ‘Duck’ in the past few years, and while it warmed your heart, you couldn’t help but tense in anticipation for some sort of gentle, sibling embarrassment, probably to do with you sharing a room with your ‘boyfriend’.

“And?”

“And nothing,” he shrugged, “never thought you’d become cool is all, a star in your own right, aren’t you?”

“Of course I’m cool, would you like me to give you some pointers?” You asked sweetly, and Douglas couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“I walked into that one, didn’t I? Anyways, have a good rest of your night, Colson and Dan have gone out drinking.”

“Thanks for the heads up,” you tell him, and the two of you finally go into your separate bedrooms. He’s right, of course, there’s clothes strewn all over the bed, and the shower’s been recently used, and the whole little place has a warm, clean smell, like the last mist of some spiced cologne was still lingering in the air. The only light on is one of the bedside lights, and the lights of the city outside twinkle brightly, though you can’t see many stars for the light pollution. You crack the screen door to the balcony open, and shiver a little, though you tell yourself it’s from the cold, and not because the rather comforting and clean smells were quickly dissipating.

You are alone when you try to fall asleep on the plush but desperately uncomfortable sofa, alone and struggling to pass out with the bedside light still on, not wanting Colson to have to stumble around in the dark when he gets back. You spend almost a full hour on your phone blocking people who send you nasty DMs, and responding to a few kind ones, and you post a photo of the roof just captioned ‘cant sleep’.

It’s just gone one when the door clicks open, and Colson steps in, pretty well coordinated, and trying to keep quiet. But then there’s you, staring back at him in the lamp light.

“Hey.”

Awkward silence.

“Why are you on the sofa?” He asks, hauling his bag from the bed, shoving his loose clothes in haphazardly, before patting down his pockets. “Sorry if I woke you,” it’s almost an afterthought, and he pulls out a box of cigarettes.

“You didn’t,” you tell him with a yawn that says otherwise, but you power through it, “and I didn’t want to intrude.”

He casts a dubious glance at how you’re angled on the sofa, but doesn’t say anything, and opens the sliding door wider to sit on the porch and have his cigarette. Without even hesitating, you join him, and your spine thanks you the moment you stand.

“Nice night?” You ask, sitting out on the balcony with him.

“Nice night,” he agrees, adding, “nice day all around.” And something about it makes your heart flutter. “You know you can take the bed; I’d rather sleep on the floor than have you get scoliosis.”

“I don’t think that’s how scoliosis works,” you say with a huff of laughter, but he just hums, “and you don’t need to do that, I’m fine,” you try to insist.

“You know you’re welcome to just share the bed, it’s fucking massive, I feel like I’ll get lost in it,” he actually yawns, takes another drag of his cigarette.

“So you want me to, what, ground you somehow?”

“I just wanna know that if I roll over in the night and there’s something solid there, that it’s your arm and not like, the lightpost in fuckin’ Narnia,” he tells you, and breathes out a lung full of smoke. You watch it hang in the air, pale and silver in the light of the moon.

“We’re gonna be in the tabloids tomorrow,” you tell him quietly.

“No-one reads tabloids anymore, we’re gonna be on like, those snapchat news things,” he says, and laughs but it doesn’t sound very amused. “Have you been getting less shit?”

“Actually,” you consider, “yeah, most of your fans are mad supportive when you ask them to be. What about you?”

“Your fans are cute, you know that? I was scrolling through twitter and I saw a whole bunch of photos of us like, photoshopped together,” he paused to chuckle, “some had flower crowns.” You can hear the smile in his words, and he seems quite enamored by the phenomenon. It’s a nice moment; he’s drunk and a little high and you’re exhausted, and you fall into bed like it’s a sitcom.

“Tell your spine I said ‘you’re fucking welcome’,” he tells you, and it’s so absurd that you laugh, even as you pull the covers up over you and snuggle in, comfortable as all hell, before turning the light off.

Then, there’s movement, and a loud ‘thwap’ as Colson’s hand comes to knock your shoulder, landing on top of the duvet.

“Narnia?” He asks, and you give a small smile in the dark.

“Just me.”

You wake in the morning to the sound of Colson’s alarm, or more accurately, his groaning at his alarm. And swearing. And muttered ‘fucking makeup tests’.

He’s dragging himself into the shower while you relish your days off, nose and eyes peaking out from the covers when he comes out of the shower wrapped in a towel. The two of you make direct eye contact before you mutter a flustered apology and flip away from him, though he doesn’t seem to know how to react, just quietly getting dressed. The rest of his morning routine passes mostly in silence, before you hear him open the door.

“If you wanna get like, lunch or dinner or something, lemme know, or I’ll let you know if the boys are organising something,” he tells you, and you call out a sleepy thanks in response. The door closes. Silence. You could go back to sleep, but you’re curious about the turn around time for paparazzi media, and you were not disappointed.

MTV’s snapchat story posted “MGK and New Boo [Y/N] Booth Caught Getting Steamy Under the Boardwalk” the headline.

The self-proclaimed ‘Rap Devil’ Machine Gun Kelly, best known for his album bloom, has managed to find himself locking lips with YouTube’s darling [Y/N] Booth, though you may know her best as the vlogger, and entertainment industry insider, DuckDuckBooth.

It seems new media’s hottest couple have finally landed in LA after their surprising hookup in Louisiana, set to continue working on some mysterious project that they keep hinting at, and they seem to still be going strong!

The pair were caught after a cute date along the Hollywood seaside -

[And here they’d entered your Instagram story, from the Tunnel of Love, as well as Colson’s Twitter picture of you with the fairy floss.]

- after meeting a group of fans, they found somewhere a little more private to get a little bit romantic in a way that 90s kids truly will appreciate; making out under a boardwalk. It feels like it should be ripped straight from a John Hughes movie set in Hollywood.

However unlikely this pair may be, you can’t deny that they’re cute together.

[And here’s those traitorous, and almost painfully HD photos of yourself and Colson, wrapped up in each other, that the paparazzi had taken the day before, though with the legs of the boardwalk, as well as the ocean and the sunset as your backdrop, the photos themselves are surprisingly stunning.]

“Fucking paps,” you mutter under your breath, and screenshot the photo anyways. If it’s your lock screen, well, it’s what any real girlfriend would do, right?

#mgk #mgk imagine #mgk x reader #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #douglas booth #douglas booth & reader #The Dirt #the dirt imagine #the dirt cast #the angry lizard writes #colson baker #colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader

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lilacyennefer · 4 years

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Finally, Beautiful Stranger Chapter 10

A/N: So, I wrote the full chapter today because I really felt like writing for these two. It's not a secret that I adore Will and Isabelle, although idk if I can say something like this as a writer...anyway I love, love, love this chapter and I hope you guys like it too! <3

TW: smut, language

“You know we should start planning the wedding soon.” Will mutters into your hair. It’s sunday morning and you enjoy some time with Will in the bed, your legs and arms are tangled together as you lay your head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat and breathing.

“Yeah.” you mutter, still a bit sleepy and too lazy to talk.

“We should at least choose a date, and a venue, decide on the guests. You know some basics.” You sleepily open your eyes and turn your head to look at Will.

“I start to think that you’re more excited about the wedding than I am.” you joke.

“I just want to call you my wife as soon as possible, is that so bad?” he says in a low voice, the voice that never fails to make you wet.

“No, not at all.” you smile at him sweetly, and lean closer to kiss him. Will groans into your mouth and you can’t help, but smile into the kiss. You trace your hand down on his naked chest, down to his lower stomach and you rest your hand above his shaft, you feel Will shudder a bit and you feel goosebumps covering his skin.

“I can’t wait to call you my husband either.” you smile at him lovingly and you trace your fingers gently over his cock. Will groans lightly, leaning down to kiss you, but you playfully pull away from him to tease him, but your fingers never stop moving around his cock.

“Don’t tease me.” Will groans.

“Hmm, why not? I love to see you squirming under my touch.” you whisper into his mouth.

“You gonna regret it.” Will warns you, and you know he means it. Will is a master at teasing, he can tease you for hours before he gives in and finally fucks you. You always admired his strength to do that, his self control is something what many people would envy, but he’s a soldier after all. You feel yourself getting wetter and wetter by his words and the feeling of his hardening cock in your hand, you bite your bottom lip as you look at him, thinking about your options and the consequences of them. You decide to tease him just a little bit more so you throw the covers off of both of you, revealing your naked bodies to the slightly cold air. Both of you are still naked from your love making last night, none of you really bothered to put any clothes on so you went to sleep naked which came in handy for morning sex. You straddle his lap, his cock is standing proudly against your stomach, his hands immediately reach for your hips. You lean forward to kiss him passionately, your naked chest is pressed against his, your nipples hard against his skin and Will feels this and he groans loudly into your mouth the same time you slip your tongue into his mouth, rolling your tongue over his. You break the kiss and start kissing your way down to his neck, sucking that sensitive spot below his ear what always makes him melt from your touch. His hands never left your body, they’re wandering all over your skin, occasionally he grabs your ass and massages your cheeks. You sit back up to look down at him, Will is panting and he looks at you so passionately and so lovingly, you almost feel your heart burst from the feeling.

“You’re so breathtakingly beautiful, Belle.” Will whispers and you feel yourself blush a little as his eyes skim all over your naked skin.

“So you are my love, so you are.” you reply and Will raises his eyebrows.

“I’m beautiful?” he asks you playfully.

“Yes.” you smile at him “I’ve never seen a man as beautiful as you, Will.” you reply and it’s Will’s turn now to blush. You lean forward and place a soft kiss on his blushed cheek and you pace soft kisses all over his skin as you go lower and lower, moving from his lap to the bed, between his spread legs so you can get access to his throbbing erection. You place soft kisses over his shaft from the base to its leaking tip, you gently lick his head, taking that drop of precum with your tongue, tasting him. Will groans loudly as you roll your tongue over his sensitive head, then sucking it. You take him deeper into your mouth, sucking and licking, until your nose touches the skin on his lower stomach, and his cock is deep down in your throat. Will eventually signals you to stop, he doesn’t want to cum yet, so you sit back on his lap and you take his rock hard cock into your hand, guiding him to your soaking folds as you slowly sink down on him. Both you and Will moan when you took him in, you sit there for a second, allowing yourself to adjust to his size, and when you’re ready you start moving on him slowly, up and down, riding him. Almost all the time it’s Will who’s in control, but you don’t mind, you love when he’s in control, but it’s nice to be on the top sometimes, to see him fall apart under you from the way how you’re riding him. It’s not different now either, his eyes are fully focused on you, watching you move, the way how your tits are bouncing with every move of yours, the way how your head is thrown back in your pleasure, eyes closed tightly and mouth is open as you moan his name over and over again. You look down at Will, and from the way how his jaw is clenched and how hard he grips your hips, you can tell that he’s close so you take your hand and start massage your clit, you hear Will let out a loud curse and when you open your eyes to look at him again, you see his eyes fully fixed on your hand and the way how you’re touching yourself, and you know he has a hell of a view, because he not only can see you touch yourself, but he also see his cock disappear in your warm wetness with your every move. You decide to give him a bit more show and you take your hand away from yourself and push your fingers into your mouth, sucking your wetness off your fingers and moaning in the way what you know it drives him crazy. Will lets out another curse and you smirk at him.

“So sweet.” you moan after you finished sucking your fingers, your words earn another loud curse from Will. “You should taste it too.” you say and you slip your hand back down, collecting more of your wetness, and this time you push your fingers into Will's mouth, he groans loudly when he tastes your wetness on his tongue and he starts sucking your fingers eagerly, sucking every drop off of your fingers.

“Iz, please.” he begs after you took your fingers from his mouth. You know he can’t hold it for long, so you ride him harder and faster than before, your fingers massage your clit faster, and you feel the burning feeling in your lower belly getting more and more intense, Will feels you getting closer as you thob around him, and he slaps your ass cheek, and that was all you needed, you cum hard around him, walls clenching furiously around him, and Will cums hard inside of you. Both of you are panting hard and covered in sweat, you get off of Will and lay down next to him on the bed, trying to catch your breath. Will rolls over and he wraps his arm around you and lays his head on your chest the same way you did with him earlier this morning. You wrap and arm around him and chuckle.

“Shouldn’t I be the one who cuddles you?” you ask with a smile and Will gently shakes his head, his beard is tickling your skin.

“You got enough cuddling this morning, it’s my turn now.” he says with a smirk and you let out a small laugh. You kiss his forehead and hug him closer.

“I love this sound.” Will says referring to your laugh, your fingers trace the skin on his back “And I love how soft your boobs are.” you let out a louder laugh at his statement “I’m not kidding, they’re the best pillows ever.” Will mutters against your skin.

“I’m glad you like them.” you say, still laughing. Will raises his head and puts his chin on your chest so he can look you into your eyes.

“I love them. But I love you more.” he says smiling, you smile back at him and lean down to kiss his nose gently, then his lips.

“I love you too, William.” you whisper against his mouth. You keep cuddling like that for a long time, until both of you got hungry and went down to the kitchen to make some breakfast.

“So” you start as you sit down next to Will on the bed with a notepad in your hand “Wedding planning.” you say. Will looks at you with raised eyebrows and a little smirk, nodding slowly.

“Yes.” Will answers.

“We should decide on the guest first, so we can choose a venue.” you say.

“Well, I don’t have any family member other than Ben, nor many friends actually.” you feel your heart clench at Will’s words, he sees your sadness and she shakes his head “No, don’t do that. It’s fine.”

“Okay.” you whisper and open the notepad and write ‘guest’ on the top of the page. You start writing down Ben’s name and you ask Will who else he wants to invite, he says a few names alongside of the guys he was on a mission a few months ago. You keep writing down your family, and the members of the club.

“I’m warning you, these guys are like wild animals when they’re partying.” you say about the members of your father’s motorcycle club.

“I spent two decades in the army, I think I can handle them.” Will says with a smirk.

“Okay, guests are done.” you say after finishing writing down the names. “We should decide on the date, and some smaller things.” you hear Will sigh and you look at him.

“Already regretting this?” you ask him jokingly. Then it hits you like a truck. Will probably went through these things before with his previous fianceé. You clench your jaw and look down into your lap.

“Did you go through this already?” you ask him sadly. Will takes the notepad away from you and puts it on the table, he cups your chin in his hand signaling you to look at him, but you don’t move. You need a few seconds to collect yourself since your mood went from really amazing to 0 really quickly.

“Isabelle, please look at me.” he says softly and you shake your head, you close your eyes when you feel tears filling them. “Love, please.” Will says again, but you don’t move. He lets your chin go and moves to kneel down in front of you so he can see your face. He takes your hands into his, holding them tightly as he starts speaking again.

“You don’t have to look at me as I say this, but I want to look at you. I know we haven't talked about my ex since a very long time, because why would we talk about her, right? But it’s over, Belle. She doesn’t matter anymore, not since I first laid my eyes on you. She’s the past, and I stopped having feelings for her since a very, very, long time. You’re my future, you’re the only one who matters, the only one who completely has my heart and soul.” you feel tears rolling down on your face from his words and your sadness.

“I know it’s stupid, but I thought we’re going through this for the first time together. I totally forgot about her until this moment. And I know it’s stupid, I just thought this is the first time for both of us.” you cry and Will wipes your tears.

“It’s the first time. The first time I ever loved someone as much as I love you. The first time I can’t wait to call someone my wife, to see you walk down that aisle in a white dress and tell our vows. The first time I’m being happy and experiencing unconditional love from someone who’s not my family by blood. I love you, Isabelle. And this is the first time I’m planning a wedding with someone.” you open your eyes at his last sentence and look at Will confused.

“What?” you ask him confused.

“We never got that far before, we never started planning the wedding.” Will says and you let out a shaky breath.

“Are you saying this to calm me down?”

“No.” Will shakes his head “I mean yes, but I’m not lying. I never lied to you and I’m not gonna start now.” Will says and smiles at you. You wrap your arms around his neck and sink down to his level as you hug him close, Will wrapping his arms around you equally tightly.

“I’m sorry I overreacted.” you mutter against his shoulder.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, love.” Will tells you as he’s caressing your back. “I love you, my angel. You saved me and I’m forever grateful for you.” you look at Will and cup his face in your hand.

“I love you more than anything, William. You’re my whole world.” you whisper and kiss him lovingly.

Tag list: @innerpaperexpertcloud @lady-evans (message me if you want to get tagged)

#charlie hunnam #William Miller #William Miller fanfiction #William Miller x reader #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfic

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x-exo · 3 years

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Hehe but why would I not do such nice things and reblog your amazing creations like ??? I must share, I must show love

Dhkadnsk I felt that xD and then shortly after we got wonho's comeback and I screamed because oh my gosh yesss!! This song is just flippen amazing, I really love that 80's vibe we are getting (it reminds me of songs my parents listen too from that time) and the dancing. I LOVE how just smooth he is dancing, apparently he wanted to appear like water for the dance and he pulled it off. I'm proud for both boys, they put out amazing works of art that has me both dancing and crying in the club

Exo wise, kyungsoo is amazing like you said, the way he is casual about his solo album talk is making me laugh but be excited like I'm curious what style he will go for? Sehun has a movie coming out soon I think (catboy for the win lol) and lastly chanyeol. Welp it seems to be an exo trend where the boys surprise us with something good and then they say "peace out" lol. This makes me laugh a bit, idk I'm weird cx but while I do wish we could have a bit something more from chanyeol (or him address the chaos from a while back) i hope he will do well at the military! It was going to happen soon for him and soon baekhyun so now nor never right?

Yeah I couldn't send an anon :c asks are on but not anon, not sure if it was a glitch on my end. But for mingyu, its getting a bit more chaotic if you have been catching up (I know you said you are taking a break which i support! I will miss seeing you active but take a break for sure! Your happiness and health is important and this news with mingyu is alot. Come back when ready of course! I'll be here and others as well!) But one thing for sure is pledis DID their job and put out an announcement! They confirmed one of the accusations to be false, they are working on getting things more cleared up and in the meantime mingyu is on a hiatus. Its a good step and I'm guessing for the more series stuff they are getting evidence and talking with everyone they can and put it out like starship did for kihyun. As a mingyu stan I'm happy one part is cleared up BUT this isn't far from being fixed which is what I'm seeing many fans say "oh we should have believed him in the first place" and I am sitting her confused because like no, it isn't? We don't know any of these idols, they are meant to just entertain us with music really as you said. They still need to clear up the first set of comments so I'm happy things are being done, its far from being finished so I'm staying in the middle still. All I know is there's the issue with mistranslations that also are causing problems

Ok i wrote alot I'm so sorry dnakdba but I hope you're doing good!! I may hope off on anon sometime in the future! Dont wanna bother you with shoving myself into your dms lol. Ps fudge kakao m as well

sorry again for taking ages to answer 😔😔 i’ve been away from here for a while but omg thank you again for being so nice :’)

I’ve been OBSESSED but like OBSESSED with Wonho’s Devil OMG it’s literally one of the best songs that have been released in the last few years HIS MIND ??????? i love it so much wow also CHANGKYUN all his songs are so good and mysterious and sexc and so him i love them so much (all the content i’ve been getting from him these past months... chef’s kiss!!)

Chanyeol is finally in war and Baekhyun is leaving next month! I’m happy they can take a break and focus on other things other than being idols tbh and they’ve prepared things for when they’re away! I’m really looking forward to every 27th of every month omg pcy and his big ass brain! i wonder what’s he prepared! also he’s got a station coming out tomorrow which i’m v excited about (even though sm for some reason won’t give him his well deserved solo but that’s to discuss another day smh...) ALSO DID YOU SEE OBSESSION XIÜMIN???? MY GOD the concept was tailored for him omg i’m so glad he knew we wanted him in there and he delivered!!!!

As for the mingyu thing...things have been kind of “cleared” out now but i feel weird still idk i’m still waiting for him to say something on the matter tbh idk if it’s ever gonna happen but..yeah but at the same time i miss seventeen and gose so much i hope they come back soon

BUT...

HOSHI

HOSHI!!!!!! omg hoshi ???????? i’m in love with spider and the mv and the concept it suits him so well AND THE CHOREO???? i can’t wait for studio choom and to see him perform it live on music shows (i think he’s going to attend a couple???) he looks so good and seems so happy to be releasing his music! nd also the seventeens hyping him up at any given chance??? we love to see it!

but anyways i hope you’re doing well too! and hope out of anon whenever you want to ☺️ also we got the songs back!!! yessss but still fuk kakao m for being petty

#ask

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emeraldbabygirl · 4 years

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So I’m gonna pause my IZ Adventures because I realized the reasons? and the differences in my posts. The main posts being the difference in how I treat boy groups vs girl group on here and more strangley how I’m talking about the boy groups. It kind of bothers me.

Ok, so awhile back I had made a post saying that I didn’t know how to express my love for girl groups. But I’ve always expressed my love for girl groups whether I state it or post about it or just keep it to myself. They way I express my love for girl groups is really quiet simple. I love all the girl groups I listen to and they are all my babygirls or my princess, I call them all my babies. Even with the occasional “please step on me” most of the time I am always soft for my ladies. (Jessi, Hyuna and Hwasa sometimes being the exception).

With boy groups it’s split. I never understood it until I was watching the teaser for D-Crunch’s comeback and some GWSN videos. With the boys groups I either am soft and I love them and want to hug them and kiss them and all that cute stuff or I thot out to them and just list all the sexual things I wish I could do with them, to them or they could do to me. I’ve never stated that I love them. The biggest example is Imfact vs. VAV. This has been brought up to me but I had no idea what it meant, I couldn’t figure out the meaning or why I thought like this.

With Imfact I’m already soft for them, I tried being hard for Jeup but it was literally impossible. There’s a reason why I’m soft for a lot of groups. There’s a reason why I treat groups like Imfact and ATEEZ different from VAV or say N.Flying. I always say cute things about Imfact as you can clearly see in my posts, it’s always been like that with them, same with the other groups. I love them and I don’t think of them sexually because I don’t want to. I need to be soft for them, it’s comforting to me especially when I’m sad. I can’t make my brain think or be a thot for them because I love them. Notice how in all my Imfact posts how it’s always “I want to kiss them/ hug them/ hold them/ tell them how much I love them/ do cute things with them + hold them + lay in their arms” and I always state that I love them. It’s the same with the members of ATEEZ, Stray Kids, Halo, Noir (minus Seunghoon), D-Crunch and many other groups.

With groups like VAV, UNIQ, History, 2Z, N.Flying, The Rose, IZ or any member of a group I thot out for like Zuho or Junji I never say I love them. It’s always “I want them to fuck me like this and say this to me til I do this” it’s never anything added or extra like with my babies. When I was told I seem to know more about the groups I’m soft for that’s because I think I take more interest in them because I love them for their personalities or lack of brain cells or their whatever, I know more about the members and the company or whatever.

With the groups I’m a hard stan for I know nothing. Nor do I say anything about them as people, artists or anything else. I say nothing about their performance or talent or company. It’s all just looks and their bodies. I find that both embarrassing and shameful. I don’t know how to fix it. It’s almost as if I’m subconsciously making up the meaning of love and how love is supposed to work. Like, having sex doesn’t mean you are in love or loving someone means you won’t have sex with them. I seem to think that you can’t do both? Idk, like..so since I don’t think about a specific number of groups sexually if by some random chance I was dating..we’ll say Jeup. Since I don’t like to sexualize him I would never be able to get to the point in our relationship where we could have sex. Because I wouldn’t want to have sex with him. But say it’s with Geumhyuk, well there might be something there other than sex actually, let’s say I was dating Hyunjun or Seunghyub (because those are literally all my posts now) I would only be with them to have sex with me. I don’t think there would be any signs of affection or intimacy between us at all. I wouldn’t love them I would just want to have sex with them.

My brain seems to think either you love and don’t have sex or you have sex and don’t love. Idk. It was something I finally understood. It’s very weird how that’s working. I don’t really know whether I like it or not. Of course it’s not right but my brain and thoughts are fucked up enough as it is, she prolly thinks this is normal. I don’t think it’s going to stop me from doing things the way I have been but it’s just something to think about.

#3 brain celled hours #but serious brain cell hours

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dachi-chan25 · 5 years

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GoT Season 8, Episode 2: Knight of the Seven Kingdoms Thoughts

Like i am not even sure this episode's name is that or "The rightful queen" but I am going with the title I liked more.

I was fully intending of making a big ass Recap like I usually do but today I had a lot of work and I feel like everyone has already talked about the episode since it was leaked so I am just gonna talk about some scenes that I think will be relevant and my take on some shipping stuff.

Again I warn that I don't root for D Targy at all (but I do think she is an amazing character) and she annoys the heck out of me most often than not so... if she is your fave pls don't read this cuz it's not for you.

On Jaime Lannister

I feel this was a great episode for him as a character, while I do wish he would have said something about the wildfire on King's Landing or the Loot Attack I ultimately think that what he did say was the best thing in his PoV because he thinks D is the North's queen now that Jon bent the knee so ofc he wasn't gonna antagonize her that much when he was at clear disadvantage.

His chat with Tyrion was also very good, tho I feel in the books this will be more on a bitter note given Jamie's confession about Tysha, but yeah they are close once again and I appreciate that.

Every scene he had with Brienne had me swooning.Brienne defending him in the Great Hall. All those stares. The clear tension between them and the fact that Brienne doesn't know what to do when they are on the same side and he is not insulting her, so they still fight and pant around each other and I love it (honestly this kind of fighting is a lot like the Jonsa one because they have to get rid of that UST but they can't fuck or even kiss yet so they bicker and pant around each other). I noticed how he stared at Tormund and immediately knew he was intrested in Brienne. And ofc him knighting Brienne was the best of the episode for me (hence my preference of the title aluding to this scene).

On Sansa Stark

Curious that we don't get Sansa or Jon's PoV this episode, just them through other people's eyes.

The Great Hall scene: while I would have loved Sansa defending Jaime like in some fics, I think it does make sense that she feels resentment towards him and his family, but she still was willing to trust him once Brienne spoke on his behalf which says a lot for their relationship and how much Sansa has come to trust and value Brienne and her opinions. She was completely a queen in that scene, she even left the place frist not giving a fuck whatsoever about D.

Tête-à-tête with the gecko queen: Sophie Turner is an amazing actress. Ok so I loved she was telling Lord Royce she wanted to leave the Gates open as long as possible, such a compassionate queen, but also the moment D steps in I lived for Lord Royce clearly showing more respect and deference towards Sansa than towards D (I mean that the whole North respects Sansa as their leader is the very reason why Jorah asked D to talk to her). We see Sansa be closed off towards D in the beginnig even when D is trying hard to be sympathetic to sansa and bond over them being good leaders to their people (bihhh Sansa laughed and so did I cuz just how deluded is D to think she is on Sansa's level of good leadeeship), and D asks the question we have since ep 1 "does that (Jon's love for D) bother you?" And I am absolutely sure that the answer to that is yes, but Sansa was never going to show herself that much to someone she doesn't trust nor even likes (this girl out played LF ffs!!!) so she went for a non-commital answer (is not a yes or a no, she is justifying her distrust for D and appears not to be jealous but a concerned sister) D is appeased by this answer and tries to show Sansa that her and Jon's relationship is real (lmaoo) by stating just how much she sacrified her goals just for his love (like nice that she doesn't pretend to care for the people she wants to be queen of anymore, the Jonsa fandom said this since last season) and straight up says she is the one being manipulated by Jon, and Sansa's face is a poem, cuz you can see exactly the moment when she figures out that Jon is manipulating D!! We even get a smile of relief and promptly she catches herself and changes her behaviour implying she should apologize (but she never actually does) and even lauguing at how short Jon is (Sansa bites her lip tho 👀👀 and D's smile is so fake idk who she thinks she is fooling) but Sansa again brings up the North and D is visibly upset at that.

Scenes with Theon: I am just going to straight up say I do ship Theonsa and I have read fics of them, but I do not think it will be canon or that it makes narrative or political sense cuz it doesn't. Their reunion was heartwarming and beautiful (tho D jealous stare bothered me, like fuck off I wanna see my babies) Sansa was clearly happy at seeing Theon more like himself and having him want to fight for their family. Their scene with the soup was cute but I did not see it as shippy at all, there is definitely affection and care but I don't think it was shot as romance or a couple's montague, it was simply showing us all the different ways the characters we know spend this night. As much as it hurts me because I love Theon, I think it is possible he will die protecting Bran (I really don't want this, but it's a big possibility, cuz I know some big characters must die in order to destroy us as much as possible, and this scenes with Sansa might just serve that purpose) so I'll just drown in theonsa fics if that happens. Also, it kinda make me go 👀👀 the fact that they made the theonsa scenes so alike the jonsa s6 ones but without all that flirty stuff on the soup scene and that it was enough for the GA and some Aegonys to ship it while we know Theon like Jon also grew up with Sansa in WF. Idk it was kinda amusing to me.

On Jon Snow

Ok so this made a lot of sense to me, Jon avoiding D post parentage reveal is what seals pol!Jon to me, if he really loved her he would have gone statight to her in the night and confess this thing he found out while crying and looking for her support and being all hopless longingly staring at her but nope he doesn't even want to look at her (he is probably thinking how he fucked his aunt and shudders). I was also like 👀👀 when he pushed past D to follow Sansa, did they talk?? Did they fight again??? I am thirsty, but it was also a good thing Jon didn't interact with Sansa cuz it would give the game away too soon, as a matter of fact Jon doesn't seek her out like last episode as far as the audience knows and I think that is because he doesn't know what to do he is having an existencial crisis in the middle of the Apocalipsis, and Sam is like have you told her yet??? He knows shit could hit the fan at any minute. I loved his reunion with Tormund and Edd because I love Jon's smile and he has been just miserable since last ep, so yeah I need my boy to be happy.

Now onto the reveal, I think Jon genuinely thought he might as well just say it, D clearly seeked him out for some loving sexy times and Jon was not on board with that, he just couldn't keep it up with her cuz he doesn't love her, never has and now she is his aunt, he just can't do that knowing they are super related, also now D can't leave them (I mean she kind of can fuck off in Drogon and maybe Rhaegal will follow, but her armies can't leave, and they have the obsidian so...) . The fact he called her D@ny is so layered, for starters she told him straight up not to call her that cuz it reminds her of Viserys, so it connects them as family and upsets D at the same time. D straight up thinks that Bran and Sam would make shit up to usurp her (bihhh no one but u and Cersei gives a fuck about the ugly ass chair) and then when she sees Jon is saying the truth she is furious (so much for the aegony marriage fix up that her stans dreamed off, also can we fucking kiss boatie goodbye?? Cuz that sure as hell ain't happening) and Jon is baffled, he knows she wants the IT more than anything and shit but really??? They are about to die, and he has left more than clear to any one that would listen that he doesn't care about titles. Not only that but Jon and her are family now,and family is important to Jon, and she reacts like this???

On Gendrya

I was a bit wierded out cuz we have seen Maise since she was a kid (lmaoo i am like a year older than her) but more power to her for the scene, also I really love Gendrya and their interactions have been so flirty and charged with chemistry. I am worried about Gendry's survival, but I think he might live.

On everything else:

I loved Gilly and Dadvos's scene, it was so good and I wish they would give Gilly more lines.

Missandei and Greyworm making plans for after the war makes me worried one of them will die, also now that D will feel betrayed by Jon, I fear she will think GW and Missandei wanting to leave is also treason. I AM WORRIED. Also to ppl doesn't trust Missandei cuz she is with d and nobody in the north trusts Targs not even children.

Tyrion talking about destroying Cersei made him seem more Book!Tyrion than ever and I just shudderd. D literally never wants to take responsability for any desicion when she refused to fight for the north if Cersei didn't joined them. Also she would really have named Jorah hand??? She is dumb as a brick. His scene with Jaime, Brienne and co. Was cute.

Podrick was looking fine and his voice was really good. Also that Jenny of Oldstone song with all it's jonsa vibes 👀👀.

#got #got s8 recaps #dachi rambles #jonsa #dachi rants

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shippingtvshows · 5 years

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Grey's anatomy 15x25

Jackson and Maggie: As some of you may know I'm a big Japril shipper but that doesn't mean I hate Jaggie. I love Jackson and I want him to be happy and honestly I always liked Maggie before he was involved with Jackson so I think she's a great choice. Now about them in this episode in particular. I liked their argument honestly. Neither of them were wrong. They both come from very different backgrounds and have very different personalities which most of the time works great for them cause they compliment each other but this episode was not the case. I guess that as a couple they wanna find common interests but I feel like Jackson was trying to force it into Maggie and she felt pressured to like it. Also it is true that she's not the most adventurous person ever but that doesn't seem to bother her at all so I don't see the problem tbh. I liked what Maggie said that Jackson loves her but he doesn't like her cause I think that's 100% true for her about him too. The love each other and since they've met at the hospital they've always bonded over that but I feel like aside from medicine they don't share a lot so Idk if the relationship will survive, we'll see. Also if something happened to Jackson they may forget about the argument for a while until he gets better.

Teddy's labor: I knew that was going to happen cause she's been pregnant all season and it was obvious that she was gonna have the baby this episode. I'm honestly glad Shonda didn't try to pull some bs and that Teddy got to the hospital safe and with little trouble. I liked the bonding she did with Amelia and I'm glad Amelia decided to step aside and find her own happiness cause she deserves it and I think Link might be good for her. I am glad Owen finaly decided what he wanted and I hope he won't change his mind tho I don't think he will and honestly it reminds me of a scene Amelia and Owen had a while ago when she said that Teddy was his tumor (as a metaphor for her being always in the middle of his romantic relationships) cause it's so true. I think Teddy and Owen are endgame. I don't really like Owen so I don't care much who he ends up with honestly. His personal life annoys me a lot of the time even though he is a great doctor. I feel SO BAD for Tom!! He was putting his best effort to be the best man he could possibly be for Teddy and the baby and you could tell that he really cared so I don't think what Teddy did was fair to him at all. I mean if she knew she had feelings for Owen she should have been honest about it with him.

Jo: I'm glad Meredith helped Jo tell Alex and Bailey the truth and sick the help that she needed and also I think it'll be a cool storyline for next season. Honestly I really like Jo and the fact that he's struggling so much breaks my heart but I'm glad she got help on time and she didn't manage to push everyone away. On another note, POOR MY BABY ALEX! Seriously every woman he's been with since the show started had something tragic or awful happened to her! EVERY. SINGLE. ONE!

Everyone fired: I honestly can't believe three of the best surgeons on the show (not to mention the only characters besides Bailey that are her since season 1) have been fired! I mean I know they're gonna fix it and they won't stay fired for long but still it'll be an interesting plot for season 16

DeLuca in jail: I'm kinda meh about the whole situation tbh. Neither DeLuca nor Meredith are among my favorite characters and I think enough seasons have past for it to be ok that she's moving on. I think DeLuca taking the blame was stupid at best cause he isn't even a US citizen so he could get deported not to mention get his license revoked and go to prison (which he is already in) but also I get that Meredith is a single mom and has three kids so I understand his reasoning but I still think it was stupid.

Levi and Nico: I love this couple and I honestly think they deserve more screen time! I love Levi and hir dorky personality and I think it goes really well with Nico's. Levi is just so kind and caring and he just wants to help everyone but I'm glad he standed up for himself and told Nico to treat him better. The scene with the mom was cute but also a bit odd like the mom didn't even know he was gay or that he had a bf and he just casually introduced him to her so I understand the mom's reaction of shock cause it was a lot to process in like 3 seconds. I hope Nico gets better and I REALLY hope that they get more screen time.

That's my opinion! I honestly don't know what I'm doing. I'm kinda new to Tumblr and everything but I watch a lot of shows so I decided to start commenting my thoughts after each episode idk. We'll see how it goes.

#grey's anatomy #grey's #shondaland #alex karev #meredith grey #jo wilson #maggie pearce #amelia shepherd #teddy altman #owen hunt #andrew deluca #richard webber

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teamkaiforever · 6 years

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BETWEEN YOU AND ME

(requested by anon)

Kai Parker x Reader word count: 4 771 / reading time: 17 minutes warnings: mentions of smut (?!) is that even a warning? idk but just to be safe. summary: Mystic Falls is under attack; Kai and Reader are keeping a secret from her friends, though secrets have a way of coming out. *gif by me ________________________________________

Y/N dragged her feet across the floor, left her coffee mug on the desk next to her laptop and glanced at her boyfriend who was currently asleep in their bed. It was barely 6am, the first sunrays were seeping through the semi-closed curtains but none of it seemed to catch her attention. No. That was all Kai, who barely had a sheet covering his bare naked body. There were spots of blood on the pillow and a couple of other places as they had ‘wrestled’ the night before which would be nightmare to clean but none of it bothered her. Instead, just before she pulled her chair to sit down and give her history assignment one last look before sending it in, she tiptoed as quietly as she could and bent over him. Her fingers ran though his messy hair for a moment, her lips touched his briefly and almost instantly he returned the kiss. Before she knew what was happening, Kai had grabbed her and tossed her under him on the bed. His body pressed against hers firmly while their fingers intertwined on either side of her head and he continued to kiss her as if he was starving. For all she knew, he was. It was just how her life with him was. They had gone for not being able to stand each other to not being able to stand being away from each other in a couple of months. Though their romance was still a forbidden love because if her friends caught up on what she had been up to, or the real reason why Kai had softened up the past few months… things would not end well for any of them.

“Kai—“ she barely managed to whisper, instantly getting lost in his eyes. His lips curled up into a wide smile and he brushed his nose against hers for a second before kissing her briefly again. Y/N used his momentary distraction and rolled on top of him. “Slow down –“

“Not possible.” he grinned, intertwining his fingers with hers while she held his hands against the soft pillows. “You know, you look so fucking hot in my t-shirt. I’ll never get over it –“

Y/N shook her head smiling. “Yeah, well. You have the best t-shirts. So soft and they smell so nice. Mine are awful. Awful…”

Kai laughed under his breath, sitting up in the bed while her hands hooked around his neck and his slid down her waist. “Why are you up so early?”

“Cuz –“ she tried to pull away from him but he wouldn’t let her. “—I got school work to finish. You know, some of us are still in high school.” she pushed his hands off her and got to the desk, taking a sip from her coffee as she leaned in against it. Kai braced himself on his elbows, his eyes remained focused on her the entire time, following every curve of her body and something told her he knew she was not wearing underwear… “And because there is a crisis. Remember? Cade? Katherine? Sirens –“

“And you know I want you as far away from this as possible. It’s not safe –”

Y/N ran her fingers through her hair, folding her hands on her chest right after. A long moment passed in silence and Kai’s eyes pierced into hers. Keeping things from him was her least favorite thing to do, mostly because her boyfriend caught up with her lies and secrets pretty quick. And whenever she didn’t spill the beans on her own, he had his own way of torturing the truth out of her. “That’s kind of hard to do when Sybil is my new history teacher –“

“What?!” Kai jumped up from the bed. Her gaze instantly drifted down south towards his semi hard lenght. Damn, what wouldn’t she do to freeze time and spend a few decades all alone with Kai. Just the two of them, skin to skin; travelling across the world and just being happy without worrying about any of this. “Why haven’t you told me this before? No, you are not going anywhere today.”

Y/N bit her lip, placing her hand on Kai’s chest while trying not to think what would happen if she were to stay there with him all day long. “I can’t hide. That’s not me and you know it.”

“It’s too dangerous –”

“You are out there.” she placed her hands on his shoulders, unconsciously feeling his biceps. Damn, she bit her lip. “You think I don’t worry 24/7 about you? My own friends want you dead –”

“I can take care of myself and that’s different. You are a human, I’m a heretic.” he argued. “I can easily take all your friends down with a flick of my wrist. Sybil and her weirdo babysitter sis too.”

“Or she can siren you to –”

“To what?” he tried to meet her eyes but she kept avoiding his gaze up until the point she tried to push him away. “Y/N?”

Her gaze met with his. “You know what she did to Damon. I don’t – I don’t know what I’d do if she messes with your head and –” her eyes watered a bit and she wiped her nose with the back of her wrist. “Kai, it’s too dangerous not only for me to go out there –”

Kai gripped her wrists and pinned them behind her back, leaning towards her. “You are the most important person in my life, Y/N. Sybil cannot erase you from my head, or my heart or my soul. You are seared on them for good and nothing’s going to change that. Ever.” he gazed longingly into her eyes. “You are my everything… I love you more than you could possibly imagine but you should’ve told me about Sybil. I am your boyfriend –“

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“You are not my boyfriend.” Her eyes remained focused on his, watching the nervousness grow in them. “You are my soulmate, the love of my life –“ his lips crashed against hers in an instant and she could feel his length rub against her inner thigh. So close, but so far away. “—Kai –“ she took a shallow breath, keeping her eyes closed for a moment longer remembering the feeling of his lips on hers. “I’m gonna be late –“

“For where?” he nibbled on her earlobe. “The bed is in no hurry, neither is the desk, nor is the wall. I’m going to be your private tutor for the day because there is no way I am letting you out of my sight until this is all over. That’s an order. You do what I say when I say it –”

Y/N’s lips curled up into a smile. “So over protective, and so so fucking hot when you get so bossy. Makes me think all those naughty things –”

Kai’s expression changed between grin and a serious look within seconds. “Oh? No, no. S-stop it with the googly eyes and the lip biting or the first lesson today will be a disciplinary one.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows. “Awh but daddy, if we stay home I will have to be tied up. Otherwise I’d crawl over the desk to my smocking hot teacher and spend the rest of the day learning new high notes in which I can moan his name –”

Kai shook his head interrupted her with a kiss. His mind had been drifting away since the second he had woken up shortly before she had ‘woken’ him up, and a part of him really wanted them to stay at her place and spend the day ‘studying’. The other knew he cannot miss the strategy session at the boarding house –

“Alright, alright, I am not going to school today.” she muttered, feeling a little out of breath. Kai almost sighed in relief when he noticed her expression flash with something he couldn’t pick up on. There was something else he didn’t know, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. “I am crashing the strategy session at the Salvatore house.”

“You are?” he grinned. “So, you mean to tell me I get to spend the entire day with you?”

“Yes –“ she pushed him off her and headed towards the walk in closet. “—and no. You can’t make those eyes at me. You can’t look at me like that and get my heart racing as if I’ve been running a marathon –“

“Can’t I?” he braced himself against the door, taking in every inch of her body as she got dressed. Y/N grabbed her black ripped in the knees skinny jeans but he shook his head. “Short black skirt? P-please? No underwear… F-for me?” She shook her head smiling and grabbed the skirt instead along with a slightly puffy white buttoned up shirt, getting dressed as quickly as she could. “Perfect.”

Y/N bent over to put on her ankle high Converses. “Kai, I am serious. You can’t let your wondering hands go places. You can’t make comments and you definitely can’t –” she looked up at him, but he had a spaced out look in his eyes. “Malachai!”

“What?” he said innocently. “Just enjoying the view –“ he caught his t-shirt just as she threw it at him. “I know, I know. A house full of vampires. Gotcha. I’ll behave, promise.” he put the t-shirt on and whooshed himself around the room to get dressed. “I’ll go pack your lunch. Be back in a jiffy –“

Y/N shook her head smiling, fixed her hair and grabbed her laptop before putting it in her back and taking Kai’s phone and hers from the night stand. Her mind spun around at the thought how Kai would be right there by her side all day, struggling to control himself while she would be fighting herself not to steal a heart-eyes glance or get a little taste of his lips, however brief it might be. Something told her if someone was gonna crack it would be her, though who could blame her.

“Focus Y/N –“ she muttered to herself, walking in the small kitchen/living room where Kai was already done packing her lunch and two to-go coffee cups. “What are you going to eat?”

Kai spun around and in a flash had her pinned against the doorframe. “You –“ he brushed his fingertips against her cheek, tilting her chin up before his lips collided with hers. His body pressed against hers and for a moment she forgot how to breathe… and whose air she was breathing in the brief seconds she managed to get some air. “Just one –“ he whispered before kissing her again. “—one more kiss.”

“S-stop –“ she tried to push him off but her heart just wasn’t in it. “Kai, you want to leave me breathless before we leave so you have to give me mouth to mouth every spare second we get alone at the boarding house, don’t you?”

“No.” he shook his head, his lips curling into a wide smile. “Yes, yes. Okay. You got me addicted to your lips and everything about you. I need you in my bloodstream asap or I might die –“

Y/N gripped his shirt and pulled him down for another kiss before pushing him off her. Quickly she tiptoed to the counter to grab her coffee and lunch bag when she felt him playfully slap her ass. “Hands to yourself.” she scolded him. “No puppy eyes, no quivering lip –“

“Fine, fine.” he sighed. “Let me just grab my phone and we’ll –“ Y/N pulled his phone from her bag. “You think you are so smart, don’t you?” Y/N shrugged her shoulders, passed him his phone and walked out the door without saying a word, heading towards the elevator with him at her tail. They stood in silence while waiting for the doors to open, stealing glances at the other as usual whenever they were in public. “So do we carpool or –“

“Sure, why not.” she took a shallow breath, meeting his eyes. “Saving the planet is always on the agenda, but remember –“ the elevator’s bell interrupted her. Kai gave her a slight nod and they walked in. As soon as the doors closed and it was just the two of them, Kai’s lips and hands were all over her making her forget whose air she was breathing… until the doors opened again and he pulled away as if nothing had happened. Y/N stared at him and took a shallow breath. “We keep us between you and me. We ran into each other on the way there.”

“Gotcha –“ Kai smiled innocently at her, holding out the building door for her.

It took them less than 20 minutes to get to the boarding house, all the while during the car ride he wouldn’t let go off her hand. His gaze barely left her during the entire ride and on the few occasions the red light stopped them, he used his opportunity to steal a kiss or two. Though the closer they got to the Salvatore house, the harder things got and by the time he parked the car in front of the house their act had started. Who knew who might be watching out the windows. Y/N ran her fingers through her hair, lifting herself on her toes for a moment to check if there was someone in the living room and rang the bell. Kai stood awkwardly next to her, taking a step away when he heard someone coming towards the door.

“Hey, Y/N –“ smiled Caroline, opening the door. Y/N smiled her friend, whose smile faded away quickly when she saw Kai was there. “Are you stalking her or something? You keep showing up everywhere she is –“

Kai walked inside without waiting for an invitation. “Relax Clarisse. I ran into her on her way to the Grill. Isn’t your motto ‘All hands on deck.’ No, wait. It was ‘Protect the humans in Mystic Falls’ or something?” he glanced at Y/N, who rolled her eyes and made her way to the sofa. “Can’t let our golden girl die before graduation right?”

“We don’t have a motto.” Caroline closed the door, taking a step towards them. Kai poured himself two fingers bourbon and sat on the opposite end of sofa, though his eyes kept drifting towards his girl. “I’ll go get Damon, you stay away from her –“

Kai raised his hands in defence while Y/N pulled her laptop onto her lap and glanced at her friend. “No rush. I have to proof read this history paper for the –“

“—history teacher from Hell?” interrupted Kai. Y/N pursued her lips to try and hide her smile before glaring at him. “Sorry –“

“Whatever Sybil is up to at the high school, grades come first. Whitmore or Harvard or Cambridge – they won’t care about the Devil and his minions being let loose on Earth and me being in the middle of it.” muttered Y/N, her gaze drifting towards Caroline who was almost out of the living room in that moment. “Cannot get into law if my grades are flunking –“ she winked at Kai, who scooted a little closer to her. Her finger pressed the power button on the laptop and she mouthed at him ‘Stop looking at me like that.’, glancing back at the screen.

Kai grinned at her and took a sip of his drink, watching her eyes widen the second she glanced at the screen a moment before she closed the lid. “Everything okay?”

Y/N stared at him and turned her laptop towards him, opening the lid before making sure she couldn’t hear footsteps. Not that it mattered seeing how her friends could move faster than the light. “What is this?” she said in a hushed voice, pointing at her desktop wallpaper where instead of a picture of the waterfall near by the Wickery Bridge where was her and Kai’s secret make out spot out of the way, was currently a picture of a shirtless Kai in her bed with barely any fabric covering his –

“That’s me.” he smiled innocently at her, though his eyes sparkled with fire and mischief. “You like it?

“I know it’s you—“ she shook her head unsure of she should smile at him, kiss him or slap him for his little surprise. “—but how it got here?”

Kai scooted towards her, whispering in her ear. “I wanted to surprise you when you opened your laptop in the morning. I had no idea you’d end up coming with me here –“

“Color me surprised.” she pecked his lips. “And to answer your question – I love it. But if I had been at school – you could’ve sent me to the principal’s office. Detention doesn’t look good on college applications.”

Kai grinned at her. “As if I’d let that be a permanent mark in your file.” he leaned in closer. “Chocolate –“ he whispered in her ear. “How do you always smell like chocolate? It’s driving me nuts –“ Y/N turned her head sideways when he whooshed himself away. Her gaze drifted away and as soon as her friends popped up, she slammed her laptop shut. “Damon –“

Caroline glanced between her and Kai. “Everything okay? How’s your paper?”

Y/N looked up confused. “What?”

“The history paper for the teacher from Hell?” Damon waved his hands before her eyes. “It was such a big deal you had Stefan wrapped up into helping you. It better be good –“

“Oh, it’s – hot like a supernova. Definitely gonna bang that one later –“ Y/N muttered, catching Kai’s amused look for a second. “Ace it, I mean.” smiled Y/N, putting her laptop back in her bag. “You know me. I am never the one in trouble –“ her glance drifted towards Kai for a split second. “—though someone else is.”

Damon and Caroline glanced at each other and then at Kai and Y/N. “Who?”

“Sybil.” stated Y/N, glancing at her friends. “Who else?”

Damon poured himself a drink. “Yeah well, after what she almost pulled yesterday our little siren is lucky I haven’t ripped her head off for hurting my favorite little Gilbert.”

Kai glanced at Damon and then at his girl who kept avoiding his glance and somehow found a way to scoot away from him even further on the sofa. “After she pulled what yesterday?” his eyes remained fixed on Y/N. “What happened?”

Y/N brought her knees up to her chest. “Nothing –“

“I wouldn’t call you almost getting barbecued to the stake like a Salem witch nothing but –“ Damon muttered. Kai’s eyes widened and Y/N jumped up from her seat, taking Damon’s glass from his hand. “Be my guest –“

Kai jumped up right after here. “That’s why you were covered in dirt and ash last night—“ he muttered to himself, gripping her wrist. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Cuz I knew you’d freak.” she yanked her wrist back while Damon stood between them confused. “Plus, I wasn’t hurt –“

“You weren’t hurt?!” Kai exclaimed. “You could’ve died!!” Caroline and Damon glanced at each other while Y/N ran away from Kai and he kept going after her. “Don’t walk away from me.”

“I have legs, I can and will walk away –“ she said in a hushed voice. “—because we are not having this conversation here.”

Caroline stepped towards them. “What’s going on?” she turned towards Damon who shrugged his shoulders, squinting his eyes a little. “Why is he so upset?”

“I don’t know and I don’t like it.” Damon muttered watching Kai and Y/N have a silent starring contest. “You don’t think they –“

“No, no way.” Caroline’s eyes widened. “Not after he put her sister into a magical coma.”

Y/N ran her fingers through her hair. “Malachai, please –“

Kai shook his head. “You kept this from me. I thought we were done doing that.”

She tried to touch him but he pulled away. “I’m sorry.”

“You – you are sorry?” he gripped her hand and put it on his chest completely forgetting where they were. “Feel this? The air is being pulled out of my lungs and my heart being slowly torn right out of my chest, by you. Do you even realize what even the thought of me losing you is doing to me?”

Y/N shot him a warning glance but he didn’t seem to care they were in the middle of the Salvatore living room and her friends were there. Not only that but Bonnie just walked in with Matt. “Behave. Keep us between you and me. That’s all I asked.”

“Doesn’t apply to your safety.” he tucked in a strand of hair behind her ear. “This comes above all else—“

Damon grabbed Kai’s wrist and yanked him back, then turned towards Y/N. “Explain. Now. You got five seconds before he loses his head.”

“What’s going on here?” Bonnie wondered, dropping her jacket on the sofa. Matt raised his eyebrows, glancing at Kai and Y/N who pushed her way past Damon and took her boyfriend’s hand in hers. “Why are you two holding hands?”

“Kai and I –“ she glanced at him and sighed. “Last night after the whole incident I went to the Grill to get a drink and ran into Kai. He took me home and… that’s it.”

“That’s it?” Damon shrugged his shoulders. “What was he talking about then saying –“

“We kissed.” Kai protectively pushed Y/N a little behind him.

“What?!” Bonnie, Caroline, Matt and Damon exclaimed in unison.

Damon growled.”I’m gonna rip his head off –”

“I kissed her… because I like her and she likes me. I know you don’t like it or me especially after everything I’ve done. I deserve that, I am not a good person and I own that. But being with her these past few months… It’s something. And under other circumstances this warm and fuzzy feeling I get whenever I’m around her would be absolutely revolting to me, but I love it more than anything.” he sighed, gazing lovingly at her. “I love her –”

Damon started laughing and for a few moments it all seemed perfectly fine up until the point he pushed Kai ten feet away and turned towards Y/N. “Have you lost your mind? You want a boyfriend, I will find you a boyfriend. How about that boy who took you to prom a few months back –“

“Who? Jake? Y-you know Kai is the one who actually took me to prom and I made Jake up, right?” she said quietly. Damon’s eyes widened and he grabbed her shoulders, pinning her to the wall. Caroline rushed towards them but Kai was faster and pushed Damon off Y/N. “Jesus –“

“Nope. Just me.” Kai grinned. Y/N mouthed ‘Shut up’.

Caroline pulled Damon back. “Let her explain. Might not be what we think.” she glanced at Bonnie who was currently pouring herself a drink, clearly having a hard time taking in what was happening. “Y/N might be the youngest of all of us, but don’t forget who was the one who outsmarted Katherine –“

“Youngest, best-est, brightest… Hottest. –” grinned Kai, completely avoiding everyone’s looks. He only had eyes for his girl and her cheeks burned red at his words. “My girl–”

Damon groaned while Caroline closed her eyes, pressing her lips together trying not to comment on Kai’s words. “Tell me you are on vervain –” the vampire asked.

“You think Kai compelled me to love him?! Are you insane?! You wanna know the truth? Here it is – ” Y/N said, holding tightly onto Kai’s hand. “You vanished, Damon! You and Enzo. Elena was in a sleeping curse, Jeremy is God knows where and everyone was busy looking for you. I lost everything and everyone in a blink of an eye because of Sybil… Except Kai, who was there every time I was alone at the Grill, or when I needed someone to talk to who didn’t mind listening to me ramble for hours. Kai who made sure I got home safely every night and kept me safe from all those guys who kept getting too handsy.”

Kai poked her in the stomach. “Awh, don’t skip on the best part. The first night I followed her home to make sure she got there safely and my little fireball here pulled a knife on me.” he grinned. “I swear I’ve never been more arous—“ he cleared his throat. Everyone except Y/N almost collectively groaned at his words. “—ed than when she gripped my hand behind my back and shoved me face-first against the door, and then put the blade under my chin and tilted my head towards her. Something happened when our eyes met and I just… knew it was her I had been looking for all my life without realizing it.”

“Awwhh –“ she hugged him with one arm, both of them looking at each other with heart eyes. “You never told me that.”

“So what?” Bonnie snapped. “Just because he acted like a decent human being for once, you decided he is a good boyfriend material? He is a murderer!”

Y/N sighed quietly and stared at her friends as if to say ‘Really? You are going with that one?’ “He is the man I love –“ she stated, feeling Kai squeeze her hand for a moment before he leaned in towards her, inhaling her scent. Damon growled. “I know you all have complicated history with him, but the Kai I know is not the Kai you see. He is not the same person he was back when he came out of 1994 –”

“Yes, we remember he turned from an evil caterpillar into a slightly less evil butterfly –” interrupted Damon with his usual snark. “But he still is who he is –”

“He is not the person he was after 1903 where you left him –“

“To protect Jo and everyone else!” Bonnie took a step towards her. “He killed his entire family –“

“And whose fault is that?” Kai said. Y/N kicked him in the shin. “I am just saying, I never would’ve –“

Bonnie shot him a glare that made Y/N’s blood freeze and the second she saw her friend’s hand shoot up, she stood between them. “There is nothing you can do or say to change that. I am old enough to live on my own, old enough to make my own decisions. You hurt him, you hurt me.”

Kai grinned and wrapped his hands around her from behind. “My girl. So fiery.” He pulled her up a little until her feet kicked at the air and he heard her laugh. “Love it.” he kissed her cheek as he let her feet back on the ground. “Love you –“

“I love you too –“

Damon groaned. “Ugh… my ears are bleeding.” Y/N rolled her eyes and took a step towards him, wrapping her arms around him. There was one thing Damon couldn’t resist – her hugs. Perhaps because in a way it made him feel close to Elena again, or maybe he just didn’t want to break little Gilbert’s heart. “You have lost it. Positively and when you end up dead, and you will, just make sure Elena knows I was against it and tried to make you see reason.”

“You can’t be okay with this?” Bonnie protested. “What if –?”

“I’d never hurt her.” Kai said quietly, glancing at every single of his girl’s friends. “I’d die before that happens or before I let anyone else hurt her. I’d gladly sacrifice my life to keep her safe.” He caught Damon’s gaze. “You know I’m telling the truth. You might not trust me about anything else, but trust me about this –“

Damon groaned wrapping his arms around her, studying Kai’s face. “Just… no more kissing and googly eyes and the L word mention around us, okay?” he kissed her head. “Or I might forget and just rip his head off for even daring to breathe the air around you.”

Y/N pulled away with a smile on her face. “Thank you.”

Kai leaned in to whisper in her ear. “What did Sybil do when she messed with his mind? We might need to send her a ‘thank you’ card.”

“Only thing keeping me from killing you right now is because Elena would never forgive me if I killed her little sister’s… whatever he is, even if he is the one who put her in a coma.” muttered Damon. “Don’t push it.”

________________________________________ MASTERLIST- SMUT ‘17 MASTERLIST- FLUFF ‘17 / MASTERLIST - FLUFF/ANGST ‘18

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roguetatertot · 6 years

Text

Rules: Answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people

IDK who to tag. oAo

Tagged by: @kimievii

What was your last…

1. Drink: Coffee!!!!

2. Phone call: My mommy about some cute curtains she got for my Grandpa.

3. Text message: To my brother about my new modem.

4. Song you listened to: Something on Diamond City Radio in Fallout 4...but can’t remember which one it was.

5. Time you cried: Like two weeks ago when I saw something sad on Facebook about a dog’s final day, and then I cried into my dog (who wanted nothing to do with me at the moment....the jerk)

Have you ever…

6. Dated someone twice: Yep. My first boyfriend. He broke up with me on my birthday and then exactly one month later he came crawling back to me.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope.

8. Been cheated on: I’m like 95% certain my first boyfriend cheated on me.

9. Lost someone special: Do pets count?

10. Been depressed: What? Me? Depressed? HAH! (That’s sarcasm btw)

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope. I don’t like alcohol.

Fave colours

12. I was so obsessed with turquoise that I got entirely sick of it.

13. My old favorite color used to be red.

14. I really don’t have one right now I guess.

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: Sadly no.

16. Fallen out of love: Nope.

17. Laughed until you cried: While watching The Disaster Artist, I think.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: No, but I don’t care if people are anyway.

19. Met someone who changed you: Not in the last year, no.

20. Found out who your friends are: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: Nope.

General

22. How many your Facebook friends do you know irl: Most! I have a few internet friends on there that I’ve never met in real life.

23. Do you have any pets: Three cats, a dog, a turtle, fish, and I dunno if my 2000+ worms count in my compost worm tower?

24. Do you want to change your name: No way. I love my name. Although I would change my surname to be one of the traditional Irish spellings. It got hacked up and changed when my great grandpa came here from Ireland.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: My brother and I are two years and two weeks apart so we celebrated our birthdays together on my birthday. The family gathered here at my house and we ate our favorite childhood meal that my mom used to cook! And we had a huge black forest cake which was sooooo gooooood!

26. What time did you wake up today: 10:30ish

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Beating Fallout 4 (sided with the Railroad). I feel like I should’ve sided with the Institute after all was said and done, but oh well.

28. What is something you can’t wait for: Getting the FUCK out of San Jose, CA. I absolutely ABHOR living here and want to move to Oregon or Washington. This city has gone down hill and is just one giant cesspool of trash and trashy people.

29. What is your favorite animal: It used to be pigs, but I got burnt out from all the piggy things people would give me. I really don’t have a favorite. I love all animals....except sloths. Ugh.

30. What are you listening to right now: I’m listening to my dog panting. We just got done playing fetch in the yard.

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yep! My grandpa’s name was Tom! Tom Tucker. He was a remarkable man and had some fantastic tales of his youth. He once was flying an airplane and thought he spotted a friend fishing down on some docks, so he dropped his cargo of tomatoes on him. Turns out it wasn’t his friend, but the mayor of the town. Oops.

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: The city I live in. It’s so fucking noisy. Car horns, motorcycles, speeding vehicles, sirens....it’s all giving me bad anxiety as of late. I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t stand any loud noises, or really any noise at all now. Maybe I’m just getting old and grumpy. lol

33. Most visited website: I guess just google to google things. Or maybe Amazon.

34. Hair color: Right now it’s a mix of my natural medium brown with very faded blue and purple streaks. My hairdresser was sick when she bleached my hair and did my color, and so she didn’t do a good job bleaching it at all. It’s uneven and just.....icky right now.

35. Long or short hair: Having had all lengths, I think long hair looks the best on me. I love the ease of short hair, but my hair is so pretty that it’s kind of a waste to have it short.

36. Do you have a crush on someone: Actor Sam Heughan at the moment. But as far as someone I actually have contact with? No, no one. I’ve no interest in having interest, if that makes sense.

37. What do you like about yourself: I guess it’s my McGuyver-like brain. I can come up with some wacky solutions/fixes to issues or problems.

38. Want any piercings: Nah, I already have enough. In fact, I have three in each ear and I don’t even bother wearing earrings. They’re pointless.

39. Blood type: O+

40. Nicknames: Ziggy, Adriee, Adri, Sissy-Boo, my dad calls me Squirt, and my mom calls me Momma or Mommas. LOL go figure

41. Relationship status: Single and loving it

42. Sign: Pisces

43. Pronouns: she/her, although recently my dad called me Sir for some reason and I was like “Meh cool whatever.”

44. Fave tv show: Bob’s Burgers!

45. Tattoos: I really want one of my kitty’s paw, but I can’t afford it. Nor do I have a design in mind.

46. Right or left handed: Ambidextrous!

47. Ever had surgery: Yup. Microdisectomy on my lumbar spine back in 2009. I actually need orthognathic surgery, but that’s gonna be difficult to have done.

48. Piercings: Three in each ear, and my nose.

49. Sport: Hockey! Baseball is okay too.

50. Vacation: I really want to go to Scotland, Ireland, and basically all of Scandinavia.

51. Trainers: As in Pokémon or....?

More General

52. Eating: Nothing at the moment. Thinking about raiding my fridge soon.

53. Drinking: Watered down cranberry juice.

54. I’m about watch: IDK not in the mood to watch anything. I’m thinking about firing up Fallout again tho.

55. Waiting for: My workers comp case and Social Security Disability case to come to an end. It’s been going on for seven years and I’m just so over it all.

56. Want: To have my children’s books published. ; u ;

57. Get married: Ew gross no. I honestly can’t picture myself married anymore. That was something younger me used to daydream about, but now that I’m older and much more comfortable with myself, I don’t even entertain the idea. I don’t think I would ever trust anyone to fully love me anyway.

58. Career: Author. Hopefully a beloved and successful author of a children’s book series.

Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: Neither, thanks. I don’t even really like when my family hugs me.

60. Lips or eyes: Eyes

61. Taller or shorter: I would hope taller, seeing as I’m short enough already as it is.

62. Older or younger: Older

63. Nice arms or stomach: I have a thing for arms.

64. Hookups or relationships: Neither.

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker. I love deviousness.

Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: Gross no.

67. Drank hard liquor: Yes but ew.

68. Turned someone down: Yep, especially when I worked graveyard at Walgreens. :T Got a lot of creepy men asking me out all the time. Shudder.

69. Sex on first date: Hahaha yeah right. I don’t even really like hugging on the first date. LOL About a year ago I went out on a date with some dude off OKCupid and as we were saying goodbye, he leaned towards me while closing his eyes and I just went “NOPE.” and got out of his car.

70. Broken someone’s heart: Probably.

71. Had your heart broken: Yep. Twice.

72. Been arrested: Not yet, but hey things could happen.

73. Cried when someone died: I cry when fictional characters die, so yes I have cried when actual people have died.

74. Fallen for a friend: Nope.

Do you believe in

75. Yourself: As in that I exist? Sometimes.

76. Miracles: I’ve been witness to a few strange things happening, so I guess so.

77. Love at first sight: Hell no, what am I, ten? Love at first sight is not real. It’s infatuation at first sight.

78. Santa Claus: I mean, why not? What’s the harm in entertaining the idea?

79. Angels: In a strictly mainstream religious concept? No.

Misc

80. Eye color: Hazel, gold in certain light.

81. Best friend’s name: Django, my doggie. <3

82. Favorite movie: Pan’s Labyrinth.

83. Favorite actor: Sam Heughan! Nnghgjkhsjdkghsd

84. Favorite cartoon: Toss up between Bob’s Burgers and BoJack Horseman.

85. Favorite teacher’s name: I guess it’d have to be my first grade teacher, Mrs. Little. When I was in the second grade, I would get horrible anxiety when there would be a project (like art or something). I’d cry for some reason, and the teacher got so frustrated with me that one time she kicked me out of the class. Mrs. Little was on a break at the time and so she took me out of school and drove me to her house while she did a quick errand (I’m pretty sure she called my parents and got permission first). She was nice to me and calmed me down. ; u ; Years later I saw her in a clothing store and she recognized me, and was so excited to see me. She told my mom that I was her favorite back then. <3

#ziggy's blah blah blah #thank you kimie #it's nice to be tagged #long post

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