#something awful

[sreegs]

I reblogged it earlier but I'm glad the Something Awful Forums 9/11 thread was archived because it's an incredibly important slice of internet history. For the record I think 9/11 was thousands of personal tragedies for the direct victims of the attacks but one big national farce that led to America's ongoing slide into fascism, and the nationalism and remembrance around it is a joke especially in the wake of the same amount of deaths every fucking day in the US during the height of coronavirus.

Nevertheless I think it's important that if you do not remember because you were too young or just didn't exist on Sept 11, 2001 to read the Something Awful 9/11 forums to get an idea of what the internet was like at the moment when America changed to 24 hour news cycles and renewed hyper-nationalism not seen since WWII.

This all happened before Twitter, Facebook, before Discord. Before smart phones. Before most people had cell phones. When a lot of people still had dial-up internet, even. Some people in the thread were relying on radio because internet and TV weren't keeping up.

It was a live event of internet denizens reacting to the biggest national event (and among the biggest international events) of the past 25 years. It was also a slice of what the internet was like at the turn of the millennium. Not only that, but people accurately calling out who was responsible, and what would result before the attacks even finished.

Keep in mind that the links that follow contain images of the event, lots of Islamophobia, people calling for the Middle East to be nuked, people blaming Palestine, casual racist and homophobic language (this was Something Awful after all), etc etc. They preserved the first 17 pages which spanned about 24 hours during the events. It's the origin of the "WATCH BUSH START A FUCKING WAR" screenshot.

Links under the fold. I've also annotated the pages with notes regarding the timeline and any posts of interest. Note the thread was preserved in Pacific Time even though the page says times are Eastern. That's incorrect. Post timestamps are 3 hours behind Eastern Time, which is the time zone where the attacks occurred:

Page 1 - Note the first post was edited to include images of the second attack. The thread started after the first plane hit. Second plane hitting the WTC happens here too.

Page 2 - Poster accurately calling out Bin Laden was responsible at 9:14 AM EST

Page 3 - "WATCH BUSH START A FUCKING WAR"

Page 4

Page 5 - First official acknowledgement it was a terrorist attack.

Page 6 - Pentagon hit

Page 7

Page 8

Page 9 - Commercial flights grounded by FAA (Federal Aviation Administration)

Page 10 - First mention of towers collapsing at end of page

Page 11 - More reactions to collapse of first tower. People thinking it was a bomb or yet another plane. Rumors about a fourth plane just missing the White House (these are false and predate the actual 4th plane crash by minutes)

Page 12

Page 13 - By this point there's just rampant speculation about more bombs at the WTC, the US Capitol building being hit, etc (all false). Remember this is all just people reacting to TV news and radio and the rumor mill via phone, AIM, IRC, and maybe text messages.

Page 14 - By this point internet news sites are overwhelmed

Page 15 - Second tower collapses. First acknowledgement of the fourth plane that crashed in PA.

Page 16 - There's an abrupt time jump in the threads, I think it was the result of admins pruning the activity or the SA forums going down. This page starts on 9/12 even though it is page 16. American flag signatures and ribbons start appearing.

Page 17

#9/11 #something awful

[jade-the-kobold]

Oh, that tracks...

#twitter #twitter drama #fuck elon musk #elongated muskrat #elon musk #something awful #sometimes twitter is ok

[facts-i-just-made-up]

What was up with that Slenderman thing anyways?

It's a folklore type monster based on the fear we share across the entire species that we will encounter anything invented by Something Awful Forum users.

#slenderman #creepypasta #something awful #unreality

[dayfalwastaken]

Notable Slenderman designs from over the years

Something Awful: As the users of the original Create Paranormal Images thread took to calling him, "Poo Poo", the first Slendy on this list is sort of a composite variant of his first depictions. After Victor Surge had made "the Slender Man" people started creating their own photos and a couple even drew him. Designs varied, but many featured arms that turned into tentacles or tree branches, and blank faces with either few or very pronounced facial features. These first drawings gave me the impression that Slendy was a creature that attempted to blend in and look human, but if examined its nonhuman aspects would become apparent almost immediately, empty face notwithstanding. As such, while his suit gives the impression of a well-dressed man, if one looks at it from a small distance they'll note the lack of buttons, pockets and other such accessories, so in a way the suit is like a second skin as opposed to actual clothes. Merely a disguise.

Marble Hornets: The Operator! Version that got many people into the Slenderman mythos, the Marble Hornets rendition streamlined the many variations of the Something Awful forum into a simple yet iconic design. This guy is very tall, and makes it clear that he's the furthest thing from human. Proportion-wise, his torso is not even half of his total height, while his arms almost reach the ground. Weirdly enough, his hands don't seem to have fingers? And look to be morphed into the suit, though they could be wearing fingerless gloves. He has a straight upper body and shoulders, and in most entries has barely if any shadows on his face to enunciate human features. As in, most of the time his face is completely blank, although there are entries where you can spot the outlines of a nose, mouth and eye sockets.

TribeTwelve: To me, the Administrator is a more grounded (heh) Slenderman. If you ignore the times he's shown to tower over humans, this guy, while tall, isn't abnormally long. He even has human-looking skin and visible eye sockets! With regular proportions for a Slenderman depiction, he's pretty tame in appearance when he doesn't have his tentacles or spider legs out. So really, he's just a regular man in black with no face, which makes him a bit more believable but still creepy as all hell.

DarkHarvest00: Gorr'rylaehotep! This dude's like a streamlined version of the Marble Hornets Operator, which was himself a streamlined Slendy. He's like an expected evolution of a live action Slenderman, where his body isn't elongated so much as it's scaled up for him to appear larger. That said, he's in no way thick, being quite thin for a big guy in a business suit. Luckily, that doesn't take away from his scare factor, as he's remains an imposing figure throughout the series... In the shots where he doesn't move too much, that is… Having fewer overall appearances in DarkHarvest00, he's also the most consistent Slendy on this list to keep a totally blank face with no features. Neato!

Slender: the Arrival: This guy isn't slender. Like, at all. He's well-built for a Slenderman and, dare I say, kind of muscular-looking. If you shorten his arms, he's just a big human, but I think that strengthens the unease you have when you see him. The others, aside from the TribeTwelve design, don't really hide their uncannyness. Once you’ve spotted them, you know there's something wrong when you look at them. The Arrival Slenderman takes it a step further. He gets all up in your face, not even stalking you all that much. He almost refuses to blend into the background, opting to terrorize you up close. He doesn't obscure the fact that he's an otherworldy entity that shouldn't exist, and I think that's great. His ragged skin and ears melted into his skull offer him an incredibly distinct look, and given how well the game uses him, he's super scary to play against. He's also among the first Slendermen to feature a red tie, which will go on to be a very popular design choice when depicting this character.

The ways people chose to draw/show/model Slendy have always intrigued me, so I made this lil thing to show off the differences in a few designs over the past decade! I hope you've enjoyed reading through this, and I'll see you next time when I'll draw and analyse five more. Have a good day!

#Slenderman #slenderverse #the operator #marble hornets #marble hornets operator #slender man #something awful #create paranormal images #tribetwelve #the administrator #tribetwelve administrator #darkharvest00 #gorr'rylaehotep #darkharvest00 gorr'rylaehotep #slender the arrival #slenderman fanart #slenderman art #my art #digital art #marble hornets fanart #tribetwelve fanart #darkharvest00 fanart #slender the arrival fanart #dayfal

[peoplegettingreallymadatghosts]

so I’m hearing how that one goon who thought there was a government conspiracy on his ass and got locked up in a Syrian torture prison is a millionaire now. Good for him.

#hope he’s doing better these days he was rather unwell #something awful

[uzworm]

People keep comparing the Photomatt to Lowtax but I'm not convinced Lowtax ever had anywhere near as embarrassing a meltdown as that guy is currently having while supposedly being on vacation

#tumblr ceo #photomatt #staff #something awful #lowtax

[nicnavarrocage]

I named this troll after a famous "an hero" who gave birth to a website that shaped memes during the early 2000s. You know who I'm talkin' about.

Also, this might be Something Awful's main trollsona.

#homestuck #ms paint adventures #homestuck fantroll #fantroll art #something awful #fantroll #character design

[arconinternet]

P-P-P-Powerbook (Website, 2004)

One of many bizarre sequences of events to originate from the Something Awful Forums. The website is backed up here, and the main story itself is here. KnowYourMeme sums it all up here.

You can learn more about Something Awful's history at Crazy Ass Moments in Something Awful History and the I'm From The Internet podcast.

#internet archive #wayback machine #internet history #web history #old internet #early internet #old web #early web #2000s internet #2000s web #00s web #scam #scams #something awful #2004 #2000s #00s

[forteania]

Found on Something Awful Pokémon Megathread; Hatsune Mimikyu. I love it! (Did I accidentally out myself as a goon?)

#pokémon #pokemaniac #mimikyu #mimikyu is the best ever #hatsune miku #something awful

[sreegs]

i'm not pointing this out to be cynical i just want to make it clear that the vanilla extract joke from the cake poll spilling over to other polls is nothing unique to tumblr. decades ago this joke was referred to as "comedy option" on polls on the Something Awful forums. it became a regular thing to include a joke option on polls, which was eventually distilled to simply putting "comedy option" as a choice on polls because no matter what, goons would fuck up polls so you gave them a comedy option so they could press a button anyways.

this probably also came from an earlier place before Something Awful. but yeah, history repeating itself. etc.

#tumblr #something awful #polls #vanilla extract #meme

[iforgiv3u]

Can any of you guys link me to new, ongoing or recently finished ARG’s?? No qualifications I just need content

Internet horror/unfiction is welcome too!!!

Thanks <3

#alternative reality #alternate reality games #args #marble hornets #everymanhybrid #horror #internet horror #analog horror #unfiction #unfiction forums #something awful

[master-ultra]

#ancient history #4chan #something awful #bridget #dizzy

[stinkfacestories]

Something Awful

When you had won that radio contest, you had no idea the time you were in for.

The reward was straight forward: corner side seats for an Impact show, and a back stage tour after the show with one of the wrestler. Just your luck, you got Jake Something.

He was lively for having just done a fifteen minute match.

"And here are the lockers and benches. Don't mind the smell, that's just Jonah here." He slapped the ass of Jonah, who had been bending down in his equipment bag at the time.

"the hell man?" He said back.

"Your right. My bad. Go on bro, get revenge" Jake turned and thrust out his ass for Jonah to slap, but the big man just shook his head at Jake and left.

"Aw, don't leave me hanging. Come on. You finish it" Jake said.

He turned and aimed his ass at you. He was the only one who had yet to change out of his ring gear. He was glistening with cold sweat, and his shorts were so tight he must have been poured into them. He was still standing there waiting. You reached out and gave his cheek a light tap. It was like slapping a sponge. It was wet, and jell-o like.

"Weak," he said. "Keep the sweat. It's a souvenir"

The tour continued.

It ended with him showing you the tiny, talent bathroom. "We get the finest of facilities. Tiny sink, cracked mirror, and the piece du resistance, the toilet yours truly here took a monster shit in two minutes before his match" he looked at you, gauging your response. Not to his liking he kept going a step more. "We're talking a pipe clogging, king kong gorilla finger, mirror steaming dump."

That one did it. He saw you cringe a little. He smiled wide. He liked it.

"Where did they put you up. The contest I mean?" He asked.

You had been given a cheap motel room a few miles from the show.

"What? Shit. Fuck that place. Come back to my room. It's three blocks away and in a ..." He trailed off, absentmindedly pulling his shorts from his crack. "Well this hotel is also a shit hole, but it's a nicer shit hole than where they shoved you. Come on"

You thought about it

"come aaaawn" Jake said. "I got a boring night ahead of me. We can change that. You want me to beg?" He looked at the ground. The floor was wet. The sink, you noted, was dry. Eagerly, Jake dropped to the ground, his hands and knees splashing in. "Come on, be my roomie for the night" he brought his soaked hands up, begging you.

What could you say? You agreed.

"Fuck yeah!" He said. He sniffed his hands as he stood up. He put a heavy hand on your shoulder, gleefully wiping it on your shirt. "Good news bad news: good news is we're gonna have a great night. Bad news: I don't think that water on the floor"

You could tell his hotel room was going to be a mess as soon as the door opened. It was a suite with a kitchenette. Cans lay open and dripping on the counter: refried beans, spam, Manwich mix, black beans, red beans, and kidney beans. Three cans of jalapeno and cheese flavored slime rounded it out.

"Help yourself to some leftovers if you want, I gotta piss real quick" he said before turning into the bathroom.

You moved to the stove. There was a pot of brown and vaguely yellow sludge on the stove. It was ice cold and congealed, with large chunk of spam floating around in it.

"Trust me, it taste just as good as it looks" Jake says from the bathroom. He had left the door wide open. Just seconds later you hear a thunking splash as he lets out an exaggerated moan. "Augh, that's the stuff." He says. There was no way that was real. It sounded like someone has turned a hose on and was filling a pickle bucket from forty feet in the air. "Wait, wait, wait, wait" Jake spurted out. Suddenly the bathroom rang out with a short, deep, growler of a fart. "There it is. Can't have a rainstorm without a little thunder, right?"

He came out. No sounds of washing, no flush. He went straight for the slop on the stove.

"Not hungry? Eh, more for me then" He grabbed a tub of sour cream that had been sitting on the counter for who knows how long. He dumped it in. He mixed it in and the slop took on a softer brown color. Without hesitation he grabbed a spoon and began to shovel it in his mouth, not caring how badly it was smearing around his face. "This is my go to road meal. Just dump it all in a pot and you can eat for three days"

Suddenly how he smelled made sense. He still hadn't changed. His sweat had dried into a crusty salty layer.

"I like to watch some anime when I get back. Lets see what's on" He said. He punched you in the shoulder and lead you over to the small couch. It was a three seater, but the far side was taken up by a small punching bag. Jake told you he travels with it wherever he goes, so he can get some workouts in whenever he wants. He sat you down in the middle seat. There you were, a punching bag on one side, and a reeking Jake Something on the other. He put his arm around the back of the couch like he was your date at the movies. Only he looked like he did it just to expose his sloppy, hairy pits. He had to be doing this on purpose. How could he not know what this smelled like. His pit was right at your head level too. If you leaned to the side your head was likely to get stuck under his arm.

he turned on the tv. Old School, original Dragonball had been cued up. Specifically the section where Krillin fought against Bacterian. On the screen, a big, fat, hairy fighter who delighted in using his stench to win his matches. To your left, a big, hairy, wrestler, who was giving off a smell that could wilt fake flowers. It was like looking into an animated mirror.

"Fuck yeah, I love this part" He hit play and you watched him gleefully fidget as the larger fighter punished the smaller, he was particularly fond of when this big man sat on the smaller and farted. "Slick fucking move, right?" He rewound the scene and played it again.

"I've always wanted to do that, but I can't find anyone willing to take the bait." He took two beers from behind the couch. He cracked one open, took a sip, then handed it to you before opening the other for himself.

You weren't too sure what he was talking about.

"I'll play it out for you. So it's near the end of the match. I slam my opponent down, face up, on the mat. I go to drop on them but plot twist: they catch my ass and hold me off. I call out to the crowd. Maybe a fan or a plant. I hold out my finger and ask them to pull it. Then I make this face." He grunted, then made an over exaggerated sigh. "You know, so the crowd knows I just cut a beefer. The guy underneath me faulters, then boom. My ass drops on his face".

He drained his beer and crushed the can in his hand. He looked a bit sad. "No one's ever agreed to do it. Probably because I would" he let out a wet and sonorous belch. "I wouldn't fake the farting."

You choked on your beer.

"See you get it. Farting is awesome. Funny I mean. You know. It's funny. I fart all the time in the ring. Refs call me 'Jake Something—must have died in his ass because God damn that reeks'" he said.

The big greasy boy looked sad again. "I guess not letting me play out being bacterian is the price I have to pay for all those locker room farts, and ring farts, and hotel elevator farts..." He trailed off.

He looked to vulnerable. You reached out and put your hand on his shoulder. It was sticky. The sweat had cooled into a slime like coating. You assured him he'd find someone.

"Would you do it?" He said, looking down at you.

You were no pro wrestler. You doubted you could even pretend well enough to fool the crowd at a local show, let alone a packed impact event.

"No we can do it here. In the room. Right now. No need to worry about getting in the ring in front of anyone."

How could you say no to him. He was so genuinely begging you with those big, stinky, puppy dog eyes. No one had to know about it, and who would even believe you if you told them anyway.

"Fuck yeah let's do it" Jake said. He got up and began moving the junk to the edge of the room. He pulled the bed from the wall for easy access. He propped his phone up on the nightstand and stood before you.

"Don't worry, I'll try not to break you" he said

Before you could say anything it was on. Jake wrapped his arm around your head, specifically forcing your nose into his juicy pit. "Oh and Jake opens with a Pits of Hell, aw man I'd hate to be the guy trapped in there" Jake roared, playing the part of the color commentator. He whispered for you to pretend like it reeked.

You didn't have to pretend. His pits were like wet, aged blue cheese. Pungent and salty.

Your slammed down as Jake pins you to the bed. He grabs you by the hair and holds your face to his. He contorted, then let out a deep, slow belch onto your face. Your stomach turned. It was sour from the beer, but at the same time beefy from his homemade slop.

"How is he still standing after a blow like that. Jake's not gonna like this, he's gonna unleash his most potent weapon!" Jake slammed you to the bed again. This time on your back. You had just enough fight left in you to reach up and hold off Jake's ass from falling on your face. Your hands clutched his wet, sweaty cheeks. You could feel the heat radiating from them as your hands sunk in. For such an athletic guy his ass sure was supple. "What's this?" Jake said, continuing his color commentary. "He's holding his finger out to the fans. He's asking someone to pull it. My god, no, that poor man under him. Jake don't do it!" But he did. He pulled at his own finger.

Bellow you saw his shorts quiver as he cheeks flexed and belched forth the toxic miasma from with in. It sounded like a wet balloon blowing a raspberry in your face, but smelled like the inside of the only working portable toilet at a construction site on a ninety seven degree summer day. It would be over soon. Your arms buckled and Jake's screaming asshole fell towards you.

It stopped short.

Your arms had locked at the shoulders and were propping the foul haunches up just a few quarter inches from your face. Your nose delicately tickled the fabric that stretched across the valley of his ass— a valley now being forced apart by your own hands.

He was caught off guard. You were supposed to go weak and be smothered between his bulging man mounds. He growled happily. "Oh so that wasn't enough? Well if your asking for it, Jake's got a little something for you"

His filthy hand reached towards your face. His salty, and tangy two middle fingers found your lips and shoved there way to the back of your mouth. You felt like gagging, but that may have just been the smell. With his other hand he reached under your head and softly began rubbing your face across his crack. He gave a soft moan. "Yeah I bet you hate this. I don't care if you dont, it works better for me if you hate it"

You didn't love it, that's for sure.

Jake was quiver. His words were strained. Strained like a man who was holding back his lusty ardor for the sake of making it last longer. "You know I just to a... Oh God" he ground his as deeper into your face as he choked on his words. "I took a big. No huge — monstrous. King Kong sized shit right before we sat down. I didn't wipe. I didn't think your face would be. Fuck. Your face is right where my nasty hole is"

He choked on his own lust. "Wait wait. Here it comes. On my count start sniffing. If you don't, I swear by Rikishi and saint Big Show I will shove your head up my ass." You could hear him foaming at the mouth. He started to count down. With each number he called out he quivered a little more. When he reached zero he pressed your face deeper into his ass. "Now now now!" He shouted. He twitched one final time before his guts spasmed. His asshole opened up and let out a wet growl. It was a beastly fart. You could feel it rattling his insides as it slowly belched it's caustic brew over your face. It was so thick you could feel it washing over you. Fearing what he might do, you sniffed deeply. Oh how you wished you hadn't. It smelled like a dairy barn at the peek of summer. It was the type of foul that you could never get used to. It burned your nose and soured your stomach. You're eyes watered and rolled back into your head. For a moment you thought that this was it, death by fart.

But you lived.

Jake let go of your head and let you drop onto the bed. He fell backwards, spent, he lay looking up at the ceiling.

"Someone call the Ghostbusters because I think I slimed myself on that one"

You tried to breath, but the air was no less fresh in the room. You may never get the smell of Jake's ass out of your nose. This was your world now. "Your good." Jake said. "I'm gonna talk to some people and get you some season tickets. No, life time backstage passes. This is better than any massage i've had after a match. Total relaxation. I'm gonna introduce you to Big Show, Rikishi, Kevin Owens, Mark Henry Aw there gonna love you. "

This really was your world now. You couldn't escape. You were just going to be past between wrestlers one after another, sat on, gassed, and worse. All because you had to enter that radio contest. "There gonna fucking looooove you"

#something awful #Jake Something #Stinkface #Face Fart #stinkface #farting #stinkface stories #fart

[cosmicsponge2004]

#Cosmicsponge-art #Fanart #IbisPaint X #Art #Artists on Tumblr #October #Inktober #Fiendtober #making fiends #creepypasta #Something Awful #The Slender Man #slenderman #slender man #Slender #Tall and Ugly af

[geocitiesdig]

A capture of a Windows desktop, circa 2000-2001, courtesy of members.home.net user baxtmi. Extracted from archive.org’s “Something Awful Forums 2001″ archive.

#webcore #old web #windows #microsoft #desktop #computer #something awful #forum #gamespy #msn #yahoo messenger #team fortress 1.5 #2000s #2001 #screenshot

[trannanas]

Grover Underwood is now Something Awful Grover

Groverhaus

Load-bearing girlfriend

Grover talking with ares

#groverhaus #grover underwood #pjo series #percy jackon and the olympians #this is a very niche meme but i wish that at least one person laughs at this a little bit #something awful #percy jackson #percy jackson grover underwood #pjo tv #lighting thief #percy jackson juniper #rick riordan #riordanverse #aryan simhadri