It doesn’t matter that you broke my heart multiple times, I still saw all that good in you. I still cared for you despite of it, loved you when you didn’t love me back. I still believed, but I deserve someone who will see all I have and not walk away.
-one day you will miss me like I missed you
WIP loot box game
Wahoo!!! This one looks super fun!!! Thank you for the tag @albatris :3
Rules: Make up a limited edition loot/gift box for your WIP.
Since I have,,,,, so many WIPs,,, I’m going to do CUDAAS, A Modern Ghost Story, aaaaand for fun and flavor maybe even one of my TFTGS AUs <3 It’s not an original WIP but shshsh.
CUDAAS Loot Box:
A sketchbook, with little doodles on some of the pages done by Alekto
A copy of Hekate’s journal, full of their notes about the various plants in Perigea, as well as his attempts at original poetry
A small collection of lightly singed feathers (in various colors and sizes)
A small plush frog
A map of Perigea, with notes and commentary from various characters pointing out locations that are important to them
A deck of playing cards themed around the different kinds of guardians
A Modern Ghost Story Loot Box:
A poster for one of Roach’s favorite in-universe vaporwave musicians that still doesn’t have a name yet
A collection of different teas, each labeled in Oliver’s handwriting
A keychain with a cute little vulture attached
A sticker sheet with little ghost stickers!!! Some of them are sparkly
A t-shirt for Syd and Yara’s ghost-hunting show, Unearthing the Unsolved
A novelty spirit box (one of those things people use to try and communicate with ghosts, by scanning radio waves) that doesn’t actually work
And. For fun and flavor. Because no one can stop me.
You’ll Never Feel the Trigger (A TFTGS AU) Lootbox:
An advertisement for Bona Fide, proclaiming it as the go-to place for any and all magic and curse-related items
A snapped off piece of one of Spencer’s horns (makes a nice paperweight)
A small booklet explaining the different demons Spencer has hunted, with commentary from Spencer in the margins
A group photo of the staff of Bona, signed by each one of them
A copy of Jack’s journal, complete with his nearly illegible handwriting
A life-size plushie of Jack’s favorite raccoon, Rocco <3
Okay ahhhhh I’ll make this an open tag, but with additional no pressure tagging @jezifster @emotionalsupportpuma @skitzo-kero @dr-runs-with-scissors
Absolutely no pressure at all! If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to, but I’d love to see if you do! :>
It’s my own damn fault for breaking my heart, for thinking you had actually changed. That I ignored the gaslighting when she didn’t really want you that time in November. When you begged me to go Christmas shopping for your mom and sister, and I went anyways. For thinking you actually cared about me, on all those car ride trips we went on. Tacos and Providence seaside views in January, for me dragging you used book shopping in Niantic when my friend cancelled in February, when you told me “jokingly” you wanted to get back to together. I didn’t say it then, but I wanted to believe you I just couldn’t risk my heart. And yet there was ramen and a bookstore in March, there was helping me buy hiking shoes, wearing them in and Mediterranean food in April . There was breakfast hole-in-the-walls, there was taking hidden trails in the woods, singing along to my bad car karaoke, getting lost on winding Connecticut roads, countless nights staying up late despite my early 4 am weekday alarms. You begging to meet my friends, wanting to go hiking with us, and I thought you actually meant it. There was me cautious but wanting to believe. I missed you and it felt like old times. So many things on the tip of my tongue, how I wanted to tell you it all. But I had been burned before by you when I last bared my soul. I didn’t want to be so attached, to seem so eager, I just wanted someone who would stay. So when I stepped away, just once I wanted you to fight back in June. But instead you wanted her, and I went alone on that mountain hike in those shoes you helped me buy. I’m sorry to my heart, for believing in those butterflies that I thought meant you felt like home. I should have listened to them when they warned me of the greatest heartache I would have to endure.
one thing that i really wish was more openly addressed public knowledge is the fact that grief (and trauma in general) can trigger into existence, or worsen existing, autoimmune disorders and other dramatic health problems
if i had known that going through my sudden loss of a parent, i definitely would have tried to be way more gentle with myself at the time instead of trying to just power through it to help those around me. it’s been almost two years and i’m still really trying to navigate my way through a lot of the fallout of the physical consequences this had for me, in addition to, of course, the emotional magnitude of the loss.
so, like, can we just have way more helpful and informative and mainstream conversations about grief as a society?
the opposite of what i just talked about is when someone tells you something about themselves and you notice you are the one who is not “normal.” translator girl has a great relationship with her family, to the point that i simply can’t grasp it. i remember one day she said “there is no parent in this world who does not love their children, i don’t think that exists” because she has never been in a situation like that, and i was stunned. all i could say was “you and i had... very different upbringings huh”
Weekes distilled her understanding of ‘nervous illness’ into a six-word mantra for overcoming anxiety: face, accept, float, let time pass. In Self-Help for Your Nerves, she said that sufferers usually spent their time counterproductively:
Running away, not facing. Fighting, not accepting. Arresting and ‘listening in’, not floating past. Being impatient with time, not letting time pass.
The nervously ill person usually notices each new symptom in alarm, listens-in in apprehension, and yet at the same time is afraid to examine that too closely for fear he will make it worse. He agitatedly seeks occupation to try to force forgetfulness. This is running away, not facing.
He may try to cope with the unwelcome feelings by tensing himself against them, thinking: ‘I must not let this get the better of me!’ He is fighting, not accepting and floating.
Also he keeps looking back and worrying because so much time has passed and he is not yet cured, as if there is an evil spirit which could be exorcised if only he, or the doctor knew how to do it. He is impatient with time; not willing to let time pass.
Of all those words ‘accept’ or, as she would later explain in notes in the margin, ‘don’t fight’, was fundamental. For it was only with such acceptance that this first uncontrollable fear, the primitive fight-or-flight alarm, which was now being triggered in inappropriate circumstances, could be disabled. It was not just ‘putting up with’ the distress. The objective was to yield entirely to first fear, allow it to burn itself out without adding the fuel of second fear.
Weekes set out the science behind her method. Her mantra, with its echoes of Eastern mysticism, was in fact an invitation to the parasympathetic nervous system to do its job and bring the body back into what professionals would call homeostasis, and what the rest of us would understand as peace.
Weekes found a hungry audience but the mental health professionals of her day were indifferent, or worse. This was painful for Weekes, who was conscious of her academic achievements. One leading Australian specialist admitted to me he had originally regarded her book as the equivalent of ‘advice from grandma’. He recanted years later, acknowledging her pioneering work. Few others conceded the point. To them, Weekes was writing about ‘nerves’ which didn’t sound very modern. Worse, she was writing popular self-help books.
However, the biology of fear and the role of the nervous system are back in fashion now. In a recent interview about emotional regulation, Allan Schore, a neuropsychologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, declared: ‘It’s all about the autonomic nervous system,’ which he noted was ignored for ‘much of the last century’. Today, fear has found its way to the front of the queue as a driver of mental distress and trauma. Brain plasticity has also gained popular currency – and what was Weekes’s emphasis on ‘acceptance’ other than a version of retraining the brain out of its habitual responses?
The notion of ‘acceptance’ has found an unassailable place in modern treatment. It even has its own banner – acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) – recognised as part of the so-called third wave of cognitive behavioural therapy. The founder of ACT, Steven Hayes, describes acceptance as ‘facing the monster’ and ‘walking towards it’ and, like Weekes, he believes it is a necessary step on the path to freedom from distressing symptoms. The prescience of Weekes’s approach also extends to the contemporary understanding of chronic pain, in which fighting physical pain is recognised as being as counterproductive as fighting mental pain.
This week is one year since I started my current job and it’s also around the time I found Phil and now a year later I’m really good at my job and Phil is closer than I ever could’ve imagined and I’ve dealt with a lot of the issues I was struggling with at that time and idk it just feels like things are pretty good right now!!!
I struggle with thinking about time in terms of “once I get past this, everything will be better or different or over” so I’ve been trying to just go with the flow of things… there aren’t beginnings and ends I have to be anxious about, it just keeps going… it’s getting warmer as the weeks go by and I can watch the films again, it’s not over…