#something from my journal

[asecretvoice]

It doesn’t matter that you broke my heart multiple times, I still saw all that good in you. I still cared for you despite of it, loved you when you didn’t love me back. I still believed, but I deserve someone who will see all I have and not walk away.

-one day you will miss me like I missed you

#asecretvoice #don't mind me #quote #mine #love #poetry #me #something from my journal #creative writing #dont mind me #i miss u #but i’m not allowed to miss you anymore #you hurt me good #heartache #heartbreak #you don’t deserve me #i deserve better

[celestialportal]

Journal 3 - The Palm Reader

for a late @forduary Week 3: Hands

This page in the Journal stuck with me since I read it and when I saw the prompts few days ago felt like a good opportunity to do something about that! Also ty to tsunamiholmes for the journal font

#forduary 2022 #gravity falls #forduary #stanford pines #ford pines #stanley pines #fiddleford mcgucket #gifset #rye edits #journal 3 spoilers #also in a crossroad the journal says ' (perfectly sane life advice from a lady who lives in a traveling wagon full of severed hands)' #didn't fit but its there in spirit #i wanted to draw something but i blinked and the month was over so fdsjkl digs photoshop (derogatory) from its grave it is #random notes: wanted to put in ford offering dipper his apprenticeship in crossroads but didn't because i thought of it Afterwards #as well as the start of weirdmageddon in broken life bc technically counts #in my reviewing journal n scenes to make this: my conclusion is that ford is a fool #to no one's surprise #they are all fools (Affectionate)

[sohjoa]

13.01.22

#id tag this with something to block content but it would get banned then i guess.. #but yea this is a page from my thought/diary skektchbook #sketchbook #diary #watercolor #journaling #previous entries were too personal hehe.

[shittybundaskenyer]

so i uhhh... i may or may not have started writing a red dead fic...

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #fan art #my art #my writing #yet another fic i'll probably never finish #but heyyy at least i drew something #also i bought the game for christmas #i was like f*ck it i dont care if my laptop will explode or not #i want to play this game #so yeah i'm never putting it down from now on :') #anyways have this little fic snippet from arthur's journal #and a shitty closeup of my horse #see ya again in like 5 months :'))

[multi-lefaiye]

WIP loot box game

Wahoo!!! This one looks super fun!!! Thank you for the tag @albatris :3

Rules: Make up a limited edition loot/gift box for your WIP.

Since I have,,,,, so many WIPs,,, I’m going to do CUDAAS, A Modern Ghost Story, aaaaand for fun and flavor maybe even one of my TFTGS AUs <3 It’s not an original WIP but shshsh.

CUDAAS Loot Box:

A sketchbook, with little doodles on some of the pages done by Alekto

A copy of Hekate’s journal, full of their notes about the various plants in Perigea, as well as his attempts at original poetry

A small collection of lightly singed feathers (in various colors and sizes)

A small plush frog

A map of Perigea, with notes and commentary from various characters pointing out locations that are important to them

A deck of playing cards themed around the different kinds of guardians

A Modern Ghost Story Loot Box:

A poster for one of Roach’s favorite in-universe vaporwave musicians that still doesn’t have a name yet

A collection of different teas, each labeled in Oliver’s handwriting

A keychain with a cute little vulture attached

A sticker sheet with little ghost stickers!!! Some of them are sparkly

A t-shirt for Syd and Yara’s ghost-hunting show, Unearthing the Unsolved

A novelty spirit box (one of those things people use to try and communicate with ghosts, by scanning radio waves) that doesn’t actually work

And. For fun and flavor. Because no one can stop me.

You’ll Never Feel the Trigger (A TFTGS AU) Lootbox:

An advertisement for Bona Fide, proclaiming it as the go-to place for any and all magic and curse-related items

A snapped off piece of one of Spencer’s horns (makes a nice paperweight)

A small booklet explaining the different demons Spencer has hunted, with commentary from Spencer in the margins

A group photo of the staff of Bona, signed by each one of them

A copy of Jack’s journal, complete with his nearly illegible handwriting

A life-size plushie of Jack’s favorite raccoon, Rocco <3

Okay ahhhhh I’ll make this an open tag, but with additional no pressure tagging @jezifster  @emotionalsupportpuma @skitzo-kero @dr-runs-with-scissors 

Absolutely no pressure at all! If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to, but I’d love to see if you do! :>

#multi makes text posts #writeblr game #writeblr games #cudaas #a modern ghost story #tales from the gas station #all i do is think about my wips and tftgs. i rotate them in my head. #i haven't worked on never feel the trigger in a hot minute but i still think about it #and i wanna start working on it again soon <3 and maybe like. talk about it or something ASDFJK;L #also while writing this i almost got upset that none of these items are real #like. oh gosh. please i want a copy of hekate's journal so bad

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Sorry don't mind me I'm just still in shock that the Kenobi series is real

#star wars #kenobi series #we got that. we truly got genuinely authentic true-to-the-heart-of-the-franchise star wars media #with my BOY obi-wan!! and anakin!!! and ewan and hayden!! and we got to see obi-wan have a relationship with leia (!!!!!!) #and we got to see him heal!!! #i just...i just can't believe it like we are living in the era of the final big chapter of their story #we're still freaking out about rots from 2005 sure but we also have something new that is made for *us* #we are this star wars generation and we got to be here for the last chapter of the entire 6-movie saga. it was made for us #i'm losing it #little 11-year-old me who journaled as a made-up star wars character...little 9-year-old me who wrote her first fanfic about star wars #little 13-year-old me who never forgot about how the clone wars series never got an ending and wished that it could have (and it did) #little me who watched the original trilogy on vhs and fell in love with it. who freaked out when vader said 'i am your father' #little me who made up a parody song about star wars and still remembers it to this day (it's called 'yoda was a puppet') #(it started as a rip-off of the veggietales song 'jonah was a prophet' and evolved from there lol) #little me who was OBSESSED with obi-wan and always related to him but thought i'd never get to see any more of him #and now my dream's come true #and i just feel a lot of things about it #all those younger versions of me got what they wanted. i got to witness something worthy of being that final chapter as it happened #i've never been happier to be a star wars fan #obi wan kenobi #kay has a party in the tags #kay can i just catch my breath for a second

[cheesehair]

in my miserable era

#you don't get it i'm doing very badly right now it's taken me a week and a half to respond to a simple hello how are you msg from my friend #i'm looking forward to the end of the year and i read my journal and i get to april-may and i can see the exact moment i hit rock bottom #i saw my family yesterday so that was nice #i need to read a really sad book so i can go through the motions of like grieving for something outside and inside of myself it's very #cathartic i think it's what i need #happy thursday :)

[mummer]

#i have been doing incredibly bad mentally :-) and idk what to do #my journal entries are literally unreadably cruel to myself lol......... haha 🤙 its fine #im somehow even lonelier and more convinced of my unlikeability than ive ever been which is fucking saying something #keep getting litmag rejections and absolutely no indication or encouragement that i actually have any worth at all #further discouraging me from actually writing or editing anything or even reading because it just makes me depressed #downloaded a dating app and had a panic attack #had a huge fight with my dad and was clearly just in the wrong and mean but our relationship has always been fucked so i cant bring myself #to even start thinking about that when even talking to him about mundane things makes me want to crawl in a hole and die #personal #just not good dawg. so isolated so numb what else is new. #im also doomscrolling really bad bc of the shooting and feeling just incredibly bleak and awful on top of it all. #maybe i should ‘give myself a break’ but i feel like ive been doing that for 6 years #at least i dont have that thing where i cant look in mirrors without crying anymore.

[seveneyesoup]

selections from my one and only nightmare

#id in alt text #i could have done something more original on the second page #the first one is straight from the dream; i woke up to my clock but it was blue and not red; and then a hundred other displays blinked on #showing different times #and then i had to walk down my hallway toward the living room where #Something deeply fuckin evil was waiting for me #emanating dread and just. idk it was like a dense point of Bad #like. so dense it had a little gravity well of evil or something. i was taking my sweet time getting there because i did Not want to #encounter this thing. whatever it was. #and then when i was close to being close enough to set eyes on the thing around the corner i realize i’m not wearing the pajama pants i went #to sleep in. it’s a dream. and then i wake up and see my red digital clock display and no others at all and i just kinda lay there #idk what i did maybe that was the night i woke up from a dream and didn’t fall back asleep. i don’t know #anyway #journal painting

[asecretvoice]

It’s my own damn fault for breaking my heart, for thinking you had actually changed. That I ignored the gaslighting when she didn’t really want you that time in November. When you begged me to go Christmas shopping for your mom and sister, and I went anyways. For thinking you actually cared about me, on all those car ride trips we went on. Tacos and Providence seaside views in January, for me dragging you used book shopping in Niantic when my friend cancelled in February, when you told me “jokingly” you wanted to get back to together. I didn’t say it then, but I wanted to believe you I just couldn’t risk my heart. And yet there was ramen and a bookstore in March, there was helping me buy hiking shoes, wearing them in and Mediterranean food in April . There was breakfast hole-in-the-walls, there was taking hidden trails in the woods, singing along to my bad car karaoke, getting lost on winding Connecticut roads, countless nights staying up late despite my early 4 am weekday alarms. You begging to meet my friends, wanting to go hiking with us, and I thought you actually meant it. There was me cautious but wanting to believe. I missed you and it felt like old times. So many things on the tip of my tongue, how I wanted to tell you it all. But I had been burned before by you when I last bared my soul. I didn’t want to be so attached, to seem so eager, I just wanted someone who would stay. So when I stepped away, just once I wanted you to fight back in June. But instead you wanted her, and I went alone on that mountain hike in those shoes you helped me buy. I’m sorry to my heart, for believing in those butterflies that I thought meant you felt like home. I should have listened to them when they warned me of the greatest heartache I would have to endure.

#asecretvoice #don't mind me #mine #quote #love #poetry #me #something from my journal #creative writing #dont mind me #i miss him right now #i miss him #i miss you i’m sorry #but i’m not allowed to miss you anymore #but i still fucking need you #but you dont need me #but it hurts so much #breaking up #breakups #break up #breaking down #moving on #i need to move on #i need you #how much can a heart take #shouldn’t have ignored those butterflies

[abuzd]

#fuck fuck fuckfuckduckfuck fick duckd fucm fuck #there’s a selfie and journal entry from that night in hosp in my diary app #i didn’t take or write it but it’s helix #it’s helix’s fucking face what the fuck why #why the fuck was she jdhdjdhdhd FU K #the entry of who was out before helix’s photo and entry says a lot #i may have zero memory of any of this but #i can piece together at least something from this #FUCKINJHGGGGG HELL #she’s been giving me so much shitfire for weeks #and got her golden opportunity #FUCKING KMS I HATE THIS #just institutionalise me forever at this point okay

[translaytonblr]

2 days into playing plvsaa for the first time and i think this might be the funniest game ever made

#never. NEVER before have i laughed this hard at ANYTHINGN #the whiplash from getting excited about recognizing music to horror when i see someone die to glee when the professor shows up to shock when #something fucking CRAZY happens #my god. this game. Insane #and im only 5 hours in.... #journal tag

[danielfuckingricciardo]

One thing to know about me is that I make impulsive decisions in an instant. Thinking about getting another tattoo besties, any f1 themed suggestions???

#personal #my current tattoos are all nerdy as shit #one is from the mummy (1999) #the other is from the historical journals of James Fitzjames who disappeared on the Franklin expedition #because I love that historical boat shit #seems only right I get something for my current obsession

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

one thing that i really wish was more openly addressed public knowledge is the fact that grief (and trauma in general) can trigger into existence, or worsen existing, autoimmune disorders and other dramatic health problems

if i had known that going through my sudden loss of a parent, i definitely would have tried to be way more gentle with myself at the time instead of trying to just power through it to help those around me. it’s been almost two years and i’m still really trying to navigate my way through a lot of the fallout of the physical consequences this had for me, in addition to, of course, the emotional magnitude of the loss.

so, like, can we just have way more helpful and informative and mainstream conversations about grief as a society?

#i still feel like i could use so much more information than i have #but i was doing some tracking of my new food allergies in my journal entries from the past few years last night #and surprise surprise - they started manifesting soon after my dad died! #like within two months! #and then worsened when there was a death in my boyfriend's family this year #to speak with great eloquence: #this shiz is for real y'all #and of course all this on top of covid has just been .......................... #dollsome's deep thoughts #anyway i just thought i'd talk about this today because i'm sure tons of people around here have also gone through it #and i think it's something people who haven't gone through it yet should be aware is a thing

[heavensickness]

the opposite of what i just talked about is when someone tells you something about themselves and you notice you are the one who is not “normal.” translator girl has a great relationship with her family, to the point that i simply can’t grasp it. i remember one day she said “there is no parent in this world who does not love their children, i don’t think that exists” because she has never been in a situation like that, and i was stunned. all i could say was “you and i had... very different upbringings huh”

#i remembered this bc today she was talking about something and i had to take a pause then say #you know that some people do not have good relationships with their arents right? that not all children love their parents? #she leaves me very stunned bc all my friends used to be ppl like me in many senses #she and i are like. from different worllds lmao #i get stunned often these days #journal

[cultivating-wildflowers]

all of human history really is just us trying to get back what we lost in the garden, huh?

#brain is a tangled mess of thoughts today #musing on everything from surrogacy to the ways we label ourselves and each other #and the end conclusion is #I daresay we aren't fully human #we lost a piece of ourselves in Eden #and God's pursuit of us and our search for Him is like a love song for everything we gave up #it's just constant hunger or a sucking wound #and I have moved from the happy ditzy featherbrain part of my cycle #straight into the musing and melancholy and introspective part #what is this #we ain't the weaker vessel we're just more confused #or at least I am #and what I meant by ''not fully human'' is we are not the whole realization of what God set out to make us #gulfs and veils and walls and time and it's a good thing I didn't have coffee today or this might be worse #when did Tumblr become my journal? #I need to shut up and get back to work #but I can't focus on processing checks when I'd rather be planning for my garden #I'm still thinking but something something fully man and fully God #and Jesus Christ was more human than any of us has ever been

[whentherewerebicycles]

Weekes distilled her understanding of ‘nervous illness’ into a six-word mantra for overcoming anxiety: face, accept, float, let time pass. In Self-Help for Your Nerves, she said that sufferers usually spent their time counterproductively:

Running away, not facing. Fighting, not accepting. Arresting and ‘listening in’, not floating past. Being impatient with time, not letting time pass.

The nervously ill person usually notices each new symptom in alarm, listens-in in apprehension, and yet at the same time is afraid to examine that too closely for fear he will make it worse. He agitatedly seeks occupation to try to force forgetfulness. This is running away, not facing.

He may try to cope with the unwelcome feelings by tensing himself against them, thinking: ‘I must not let this get the better of me!’ He is fighting, not accepting and floating.

Also he keeps looking back and worrying because so much time has passed and he is not yet cured, as if there is an evil spirit which could be exorcised if only he, or the doctor knew how to do it. He is impatient with time; not willing to let time pass.

Of all those words ‘accept’ or, as she would later explain in notes in the margin, ‘don’t fight’, was fundamental. For it was only with such acceptance that this first uncontrollable fear, the primitive fight-or-flight alarm, which was now being triggered in inappropriate circumstances, could be disabled. It was not just ‘putting up with’ the distress. The objective was to yield entirely to first fear, allow it to burn itself out without adding the fuel of second fear.

Weekes set out the science behind her method. Her mantra, with its echoes of Eastern mysticism, was in fact an invitation to the parasympathetic nervous system to do its job and bring the body back into what professionals would call homeostasis, and what the rest of us would understand as peace.

[...]

Weekes found a hungry audience but the mental health professionals of her day were indifferent, or worse. This was painful for Weekes, who was conscious of her academic achievements. One leading Australian specialist admitted to me he had originally regarded her book as the equivalent of ‘advice from grandma’. He recanted years later, acknowledging her pioneering work. Few others conceded the point. To them, Weekes was writing about ‘nerves’ which didn’t sound very modern. Worse, she was writing popular self-help books.

However, the biology of fear and the role of the nervous system are back in fashion now. In a recent interview about emotional regulation, Allan Schore, a neuropsychologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, declared: ‘It’s all about the autonomic nervous system,’ which he noted was ignored for ‘much of the last century’. Today, fear has found its way to the front of the queue as a driver of mental distress and trauma. Brain plasticity has also gained popular currency – and what was Weekes’s emphasis on ‘acceptance’ other than a version of retraining the brain out of its habitual responses?

The notion of ‘acceptance’ has found an unassailable place in modern treatment. It even has its own banner – acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) – recognised as part of the so-called third wave of cognitive behavioural therapy. The founder of ACT, Steven Hayes, describes acceptance as ‘facing the monster’ and ‘walking towards it’ and, like Weekes, he believes it is a necessary step on the path to freedom from distressing symptoms. The prescience of Weekes’s approach also extends to the contemporary understanding of chronic pain, in which fighting physical pain is recognised as being as counterproductive as fighting mental pain.

#long post #but #so interesting!! #i went down an ACT reading rabbithole a couple years back while doing 'play' research #can't remember what led me there but it really resonated with me as a method #neuroplasticity #the brain #i think the absolute best thing that i have ever learned to do for my brain #is to do a version of this #let myself feel the full feelings - usually for a certain amount of time - without any effort to explain them to myself or justify them #then calmly telling myself aloud or writing down what upsets me about it #not @ing the person or situation that made me upset but just spending time parsing through what parts of my self/identity feel attacked by i #by it* #(i now know that the journaling is a way of bringing higher-order thinking back online after an intensely emotional fear/flight response) #(and it also seems to be a really good way of putting a little distance between you and the situation) #and then i accept the situation as it is #and if relevant i think about what i might do differently next time but without judgment #basically trying to figure out 'what did i learn from this' #depending on how stressful the thing is sometimes i go through this cycle a couple times #but if it's simple (something upset me this morning first thing lol - a small irritating message from someone) #i can usually move past the thing so much more quickly #and then it just doesn't bother me anymore it's past #anyway #this is SOOOOOO much better than the way my poor brain used to be asked to handle things #which was just like #nonstop rumination #Dwelling In The Shame #but also trying to shove it away/shove it down #because shame is the most intolerable human emotion it is simply unbearable #girls i have been

[apricotluvr]

March so far

#1. whenever I work a shift at my part time job . I draw something on a sticky note and put it inside the work/client journal. I saw the one #I made a few months back was still there so I drew some flowers to change it #2. went thrifting w my mum. was rlly tired after work and didn’t actually wanna go but went anyway bc these days I use the car 5 days of #the week and my mum doesn’t rlly get to use it as much so I felt bad #3. celebrated my cousins bday in Germany #4. went to vote for the city elections. my parents didn’t feel like going / voting but I think voting is rlly important so I voted instead #for them. luckily here u can vote for urself + 2 other people if u have their permission & ID. my little brother went w me and actually #helped me vote :-) #5. wearing my mums sweater. as u can see it’s has pearls on the shoulder so I wore my pearl earrings. felt like I looked cute. also went #to see the refugee centre I’ll be working in. met 2 people on my team and some people from other organisations. also walked through the #centre and saw some of the residents #6. flowers in our home #7. heart candle I saw . #8. went for food w my mum and little brother. got some squid rings and it was so good #jrnl

[ophanic]

it’s september! i am choosing to believe in love! 

#this is kind of like my mantra. i have a ton of journal pages with this on it!! love will find you and it will save you!!! #i wanted 2 make something that made me nostalgic for a home that wasn't mine. and like yeah #this is kind of a companion piece to the richard siken piece i posted a few days ago! #the background pic is from pictures from an airbnb in pennsylvania lol #autumn #tender #art journal #visual journal #graphic design #my art tag

[footnoteinhistory]

This week is one year since I started my current job and it’s also around the time I found Phil and now a year later I’m really good at my job and Phil is closer than I ever could’ve imagined and I’ve dealt with a lot of the issues I was struggling with at that time and idk it just feels like things are pretty good right now!!!

I struggle with thinking about time in terms of “once I get past this, everything will be better or different or over” so I’ve been trying to just go with the flow of things… there aren’t beginnings and ends I have to be anxious about, it just keeps going… it’s getting warmer as the weeks go by and I can watch the films again, it’s not over…

#not sure what I am saying except. feelin good lately 😎 #reading my journal from a year ago where I mention PSH for the first time #and how ‘hopefully his movies will be something I can look forward to for a while’ #and bursting into tears #yes!!! you WILL look forward to them they will help you get through the year! you haven’t felt lonely since he came into your life!