#something something ribbon of loneliness running through me

[faenights]

Rita Dove — "Unaccompanied Anthem"

#this is beautiful im shocked i couldn't find it on here already #thank you poetry.org poem of the day 🥰 #rita dove #poetry #i feel like this put words to something so deep within me #words #there will always be a ribbon of loneliness running through who i am

[dujour13]

Hi :D it's a me, Mario Min!

5 & 7 for Siavash from the Sensorial Prompts!

Hello Min! I’m sorry it took this long. These are a little… melodramatic… but they’re bits I’ve been wanting to add to my fic for a long time, so I used the prompts as the occasion to do them. Thank you 🥰

5. Trying to walk on ice

He had to be somewhere else. Anywhere. As long as he kept moving, it was like the pain couldn’t catch up. The moment the sad music started it was a reflex—his legs just got going, like in the old days. Fear went straight to the feet. He’d slipped behind the tower and headed for the road.

Though it was spring it was still bitter cold and the ground frozen, the road to Threshold a pale ribbon in the blackness. Not that he could see much through the tears.

His boot slipped on an icy patch and he had to catch himself, his tail shooting out for balance. Better to slow down, also because it hurt his chest to breathe. A ruined guard post, no more than a jumble of stones a small way off the road, offered some shelter from the wind and prying eyes but not from the terrible, cold pit in his gut.

The night of the gargoyles he’d done the same thing. He’d stumbled a couple of times on the frosty ground and hurt his knee but kept going until he got down to the river, and then hid in the rocks for a long time until he got too cold to stay put. When he finally emerged the Fifth Crusade was a hellish inferno, winged monsters circling over the flames, so he’d hugged his arms over his chest for warmth and headed downriver and didn’t look back.

Now he curled up with his tail around his knees and his head in his arms and let go, hoping he could somehow empty it all out so it would stop hurting so much. He hadn’t cried like this since he was a little kid: Gran cured him of that habit early enough. Now he muffled his choking sobs in the crook of his elbow. Why’d the chief have to go and play such a sad song? Wasn’t this the time to rally the troops with a courageous march or some valorous Iomedean rot? This was the last thing he needed.

He wasn’t going back. He couldn’t. If he returned to the Crusade camp they would have to say things to each other.

Things like goodbye.

More than once he’d been wounded, stabbed, bitten, gored, had his hand shattered, but this was a new kind of pain deep in his heart no healer could ever do a thing for. He couldn’t run from it. It would never leave him.

There was no way he could go on, go back to how things had been, now that he knew what he’d been missing all his miserable life. Knowing he’d never see Siavash smile again.

Hear his voice saying his name. Feel his warm arms wrap around him.

The shadow had been right. He’d been softened up and ruined.

He was as much a wreck as this hollowed-out guard tower at the heart of the Worldwound; the view of Threshold, darker yet against black, boiling storms, the place where the world was destroyed, would forever be his only horizon.

He wiped his face on his sleeve and slipped his fingers under the fur collar of his cloak, drawing out the Moon of the Abyss with its clear, sky-blue gem, and clutched it in his hand like someone was trying to steal it and everything it meant from him.

Woljif had never prayed once in his life. No gods listened to the tieflings of Mendev, just like no gods listened to rats or cockroaches.

But now the image of the emerald eyes of the statue of Shelyn in Kenabres hovered in his mind’s eye. What if Sosiel was right? What if it had been the Goddess of Love who helped him out of a tight spot that one time he was trying to make up for something low he’d done?

That was stupid. He knew it. Even if Shelyn would dream of listening to him She wouldn’t fix it for him. Nothing would be left but a bright but distant star, the memory of warmth, music and laughter.

And loneliness.

Eventually he managed to staunch the flood from his eyes, but the ache hollowing out his chest just wouldn’t go away for more than a second or two. It felt like he’d been punched in the throat. Every time he thought he had it together, a strain of that song would come back to him and he would crumple in on himself again. He was shivering now, sitting on the cold stone for so long all the warmth had bled out of his body. Still he couldn’t drag himself to his feet and head back and face the music.

Overhead the buzzing of wings approached. He closed his burning eyes tight. When the buzzing stopped there were the sounds of scuffling about in the rocks and quiet swearing.

He couldn’t help a tired smile.

“Ow. Woljif?”

“Here chief.” No disguising how hoarse his voice was.

Siavash stumbled into the ruins of the guard tower, his own glow lighting his way. He wasn’t even wearing a cloak despite the cold, because he couldn’t fly with one in the way of his wings and besides, with him came a warm spring breeze swirling with leaves and motes of pollen.

He sat down next to him, trying to tuck his wings to one side so they didn’t bunch up between them. One wound up sticking straight up over his head like a butterfly-patterned canopy.

They sat in silence for a while. The ache subsided a little. Woljif’s teeth stopped chattering and he felt the swelling in his nose had gone down, but he still didn’t want to look over and let the chief see how red-rimmed his eyes were, and then Siavash draped his hand over Woljif’s knee and tipped to the side so his head rested on his shoulder, and suddenly the floodgates were open again.

Pretty soon he knew by the dampness on his neck that Siavash wasn’t keeping it together either.

“Woljif—”

“Don’t you dare tell me it’ll be fine.”

By his silence, he guessed that was exactly what he’d been about to say.

“It might,” Siavash finally said.

“It better be.”

“Let’s not talk about it.”

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard outta you.”

“Come on back to camp.” Siavash helped him up. It felt really good to get off the cold stone and unfold his cramped limbs. Staying close for warmth, he followed him back to camp, holding hands as they went. He kept his head down as soon as they came within the light of the bonfire because he could see Seelah and Arueshalae standing among the tents craning their necks to look at them and he knew right where they could stick their pity.

Siavash just raised a hand to say goodnight as they ducked into their tent.

It was hard to see each other like this—pale, red-eyed, fear clouding their gaze. In silence they helped each other undress, unable to laugh about pulling each other’s boots off and trying to unwrap and unbutton clothes made for horns, tails and wings in the small, enclosed space without elbowing each other in the face. At last Siavash conjured his warm Elysian cocoon so they could lie down comfortably.

The chief hadn’t said a word. Woljif was so grateful he almost choked up again. He pulled his head in to rest on the hollow of his skinny chest and passed his hand through his silky honey-colored hair. Not for the last time. Don’t let this be the last time.

Just as he was drifting off, in Siavash’s quiet, muffled voice against his chest, he heard the one thing he had wanted him to say: “I love you.”

“Me too,” he murmured.

7. Raindrops on eyelashes

As they faced down the demon army that had cornered them on the steps of the temple and he’d called upon his power, raising his voice in the Song of Elysium so that it carried across the city and drowned the taunts of the Abyssal generals, making the marilith throw one pair of hands over her ears and the nalfeshnee grind its teeth, a gentle spring rain had begun to fall, even in late Worldwound autumn, and through it shone a sudden, miraculous rainbow.

Then the Free Crusaders, echoing his song, charged in out of nowhere and slew the demon army and chased its last remnants from Drezen.

And now—Woljif’s knees felt weak as he rose from them, turning his head away from the blinding light of Heaven and blinking drops of Elysian rain from his eyelashes.

“Woljif, help.” Siavash held both his hands in his. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You gave me my freedom.” Woljif kept his voice down, in case the trio of immortals were listening in and would strike him with a bolt of lightning if he messed up. “With Ygefeles you let me figure it out for myself. So I’m not gonna tell you what’s right or wrong, chief, but remember what you said about deals with demons. I guess that also goes for half-demons.” His gaze flicked uneasily up the steps of the temple but did not dare linger.

“You told her you wouldn’t eat outta her hand, so don’t! Don’t count on gifts from nobody. I mean, maybe you won’t have powers anymore but then you’ll be you again and you’ll be free. That’s what it’s all about.” His expression was pleading; he’d watched the transformations, each one as disconcerting as it was transcendent, Siavash’s anxiety that he was losing himself growing along with his power. The answer seemed obvious. Iomedae was offering him a way out. Why would he even hesitate?

And then his heart sank.

He’d already lost. Siavash’s eyes turned to the ranks of Crusaders kneeling in the temple square, who had cast the heavy chains of their hope over his shoulders. There was resolve in the set of his jaw and sadness in his eyes. He looked so tired, strands of wet hair clinging to his forehead, bloodstains on his neck. They’d escaped the Abyss but it dogged him. It would never leave him alone. He would have to fight it with every drop of strength—his own, and that Areelu offered him if need be—if there was any hope of someday being free of it.

“I wish…” he sighed.

“Don’t do it.”

“I wish I could follow your advice. I’m sorry.” Siavash turned away.

Siavash reached out as if to steady himself, a hand on Aivu’s flank. She tilted her head toward him, her eyes alight.

You’re supposed to calm him down, Woljif thought angrily at her, but she wasn’t the one to blame. Now he did dare look at the unholy trinity caught in an immense, cosmic contest of will at the top of the temple stairs. Here they were, fighting over who gets to yank the chief’s leash. If he’d been a braver person, Woljif would have given all three of them an earful. He could almost hear what Gran would have said. Would have made even Nocticula’s ears burn.

If it weren’t for the faintest echo of his own anger he glimpsed in Siavash’s face at that moment he might have dragged him away and talked some sense into him.

The chief was looking straight at Iomedae Herself and he was not on his knees.

He was going to do this his way.

Even if it was all wrong, even if it was crazy, even if it turned him into something he didn’t recognize anymore—he was going to stand up to the Inheritor.

Despite all his misgivings, Woljif couldn’t help it. His eyes lit up just like Aivu’s. Take that, you stuffed-up prig.

“I won’t abandon my people,” Siavash declared. “And my dragon.”

Your pride will destroy you, and perhaps all of Golarion with you. The fury of the goddess blazed and vanished. So be it.

#thanks for the ask!! #three-of-crows #woljif jefto #siavash #my writing

[hnychn]

GENSHIN IMPACT !!

AETHER

i have to tell you something

“but before all of that. before the fighting and the blood and the pain, remember, you are human.”

AYATO

still worth fighting for

“yell, scream, hit, punch me!! do whatever you want! but please—please, don’t stay silent..”

AKYAKA

[none]

BEIDO

[none]

CHILDE

[none]

CYNO

song of the simple truth

“you are alive. feel the air fill your lungs and the sun kiss your cheeks. these things are enough and enough is everything.” (JH Hard)

DAINSLEIF

i ache for you

“the sickening want to be whole again and the villainous actions that follow are the atrocities of hope no one ever speaks about.”

DILUC

burning in water, drowning in flame

“i think i’ve come to terms with the fact that there will always be a ribbon of loneliness running through who i am.”

i love you (hopefully one day i won’t)

“if you don’t love me anymore just tell me! say it to my face! you owe me that much.”

GOROU

[none]

HEIZOU

[none]

ITTO

[none]

JEAN

[none]

KAEYA

burning in water, drowning in flame

“i think i’ve come to terms with the fact that there will always be a ribbon of loneliness running through who i am.”

KAZUHA

i fall asleep thinking of you

“i don’t remember falling in love with you. i just remember wanting to keep holding on to you when i knew it was time to let go.” (littleteenagethings)

LISA

[none]

LUMINE

[none]

NINGGUANG

[none]

RAIDEN

fading silhouette

“if it means preserving your beauty and your will, i stop at no expense to continue your legacy—to eternalise your spirit.”

SCARAMOUCHE

i call him karma

“people fear him. not because he’s ruthless and willing to put his life on the line for his cause. people fear him because he’s in love.”

THOMA

[none]

TIGHNARI

i would gift you the sky

“it’s a shame you do not share the same love for yourself that i do. regardless, i have enough love for the both of us. just let me in.”

XIAO

from death to morning

“the sun will rise and fall, the earth will succumb to erosion, and stories will be lost to time. but you, oh you, i could never forget you.”

YAE MIKO

[none]

ZHONGLI

in the dark hours

“i have lived for thousands of years. i have seen the fall of even the strongest of gods and the ruin of the most intelligent of nations—most done by my own hand. and yet, here i stand, powerless.”

#honeelyn #honeelyn masterlist #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #aether x reader #ayaka x reader #ayato x reader #albedo x reader #diluc x reader #cyno x reader #beido x reader #childe x reader #gorou x reader #heizou x reader #itto x reader #kaeya x reader #jean x reader #kazuha x reader #lumine x reader #zhongli x reader #xiao x reader #raiden x reader #ningguang x reader #thoma x reader #tighnari x reader #venti x reader #yae miko x reader #fem reader #male reader

[risingoflights]

The old blood

(Cleaning my comp and found this fic outline from years ago. Won’t ever finish it so putting it up in its current form.)

"This single materia,” Aerith says to Yuffie, “is more important than all the mastered ones you stole combined."

"Is it that powerful?"

"Goodness no. It's completely useless."

"I don't think that's true,” Yuffie muses. “When I was up on the Da Chao... I felt it humming. I never knew materia could hum."

That's why she kept this one on her person when all the others were stashed safely with her horde of cats.

"Humming."

"Like it was... happy? That sounds really dumb, but it's true."

"Hmm. On the Da Chao, was it? Can you take me up there?"

---

Off the trails from the shrines available to tourists is a small waterfall and lake - the deepest point of which rises only to the chest. It's beautiful, and Aerith is enthralled.

Off to one side stands a worn statue of Leviathan atop a stone set with a plaque.

"What does it say?" Aerith runs her fingers into the grooves and traces the words.

Yuffie hesitates. "Clear tranquil." And rethinks. "The literal translation is something like - tranquil as still water. or, tranquil enough to still water. something like that."

Yuffie adds - "You could say this is a sacred place, though the idea of sacred is different in Wutai than the religions in the east. When we say sacred, we mean... more connected to the earth, to the past, to the unknown life forces of nature and the spirits that affect our daily lives."

"A land abundant in spirit energy…" Aerith is lost in thought.

"This is a shrine dedicated to one of my ancestors - the great Lady Kisaragi of like two thousand years ago. The legend goes that a great plague swept through the nation and a large portion of the population became sick. The Lady Kisaragi meditated at this spot for many days and nights... then waded into the water to call upon Leviathan for guidance. Heeding her call, Leviathan rose from the lake and into the heavens, bringing a gentle rain across the continent, which healed all the people it touched."

"Interesting..."

"They're just stories." Yuffie rocks back on her heels. "Dad says that, for generations, our family had a special connection with Leviathan and could summon him without materia. But if that were still the case, we wouldn't have lost the war so badly..."

"Yuffie," Aerith looks serious. "Have you ever tried it?"

"Tried what?"

"Summoning Leviathan without materia."

"...No."

"Then give it a go now."

---

Yuffie, standing waist-deep in the still water, makes herself feel better by reminding herself that Aerith once talked Cloud into crossdressing.

"This is dumb."

Aerith had taken off her materia ribbon, and is standing thoughtfully with it from the shore.

"You're right," she says. "Oh, not about this being dumb. About the materia humming. That's funny - it hardly ever does that."

"What's the deal with that thing anyway? I've never seen materia like it."

"Not now. Now, you concentrate on summoning Leviathan."

"How the heck am I supposed to do that?"

"I don't know. Close your eyes. Feel the energy around you. This place is sacred, right? Tap into the spirit world."

Yuffie closes her eyes and tries not to feel the cool water soaking into her shorts.

"It's not working," she moans after a while. "Aerith, I'm cold and this is stupid."

Aerith thinks for a bit and wades into the lake with Yuffie.

"Stop complaining. Come on. Just try a little harder." She takes both of Yuffie's hands, and the materia buzzes under their fingers. "Come on. Tranquil as still water. Listen - this place is trying to tell you something. Can't you hear it?"

Yuffie can't hear a thing. But Aerith is the most convincing person she's ever met. So Yuffie closes her eyes, feeling Aerith's hands, and tries again to talk to Leviathan.

The surface of the lake ripples outwards with the cascading waterfall. The sound of water fills Yuffie's ears. There's laughter in there, and sadness. There's a song, and loneliness. Yuffie feels like her soul is rising from her body.

And then, the surface of the lake swirls. She feels something brush against her thighs and almost falls over. Aerith laughs, still holding onto her hands. Yuffie opens her eyes, looks down, and finds the two of them standing in the middle of a whirlpool of small colourful fish all circling in the same direction, scales catching in the sun.

"What the heck?" Yuffie's laughing too, she can't believe her eyes. "They're not Leviathan!"

"No, they're not," Aerith is almost breathless with giggles. "But this is even better."

"How is this better? Have you ever heard of a great warlord winning by throwing an army of fish at the enemy?"

"Alright, not practical for war. But they obviously heard your call."

"This is amazing," Yuffie has to admit. "I never knew... I mean, yeah, the cats follow me around town but I just figured I must smell like fish or something. I mean I will definitely smell like fish now but. What exactly is happening here?"

"I think," Aerith says, "you've got some of the old blood in you."

The fish start losing interest and slipping away.

"Old blood?"

"Cetran blood." Aerith looks lonely. "In your ancestry. Have you ever thought about it?"

---

"This materia belonged to my mom. It's supposed to be very important, but I haven't figured out why, or how to use it."

They're sitting on the shore, surrounded by grass, drying out. Aerith has the materia in her hand, and holds it up to the light.

"So why do you keep it around?"

"It reminds me of mom. There's this old story... that the longer a person holds on to something, the more of that person that object holds. And since mom held on to this for more than two thousand years, it really makes me feel close to her still."

"Two thousand years?!"

"That's how old mom was. At least. She lost count herself by the end."

A pause.

"So your mom... was definitely a Cetra."

"The last one, so she said. Shinra wanted to use her as a divining rod for mako reserves, among other things... but I think they were a bit disappointed by her lack of ability. Or maybe her lack of interest. Personally I think she was busy using all her energy on something more important... but she never shared what."

Aerith looks a bit sad again. Yuffie decides to change the subject.

"So the Cetran powers... have you got them too?"

"A bit. Nothing dramatic." Aerith shrugs. "If I listen... I can sometimes hear a chorus of voices. But I can only decipher their tone, not their meaning. It's like... a whole group of people desperately trying to tell you something in a language you never learned. It's can feel pretty frustrating a lot of the time. Like this materia... I know mom gave it to me for a purpose, but I don't know what. It's like a jigsaw... except I've only got one piece, and the rest of the puzzle is missing."

Yuffie can't imagine what that's like

"But there are perks," Aerith says. "Little bits of magic, like you with the fish and the cats. Plants and flowers grow better when I'm around. I can make them grow faster, too... but that wears them out, so I don't do it."

"Wow. Too bad we can't beat Sephiroth with 'little bits of magic', like animals or flowers."

"If somebody had shown Sephiroth more insignificant magic when he was younger... maybe we wouldn't need to worry about beating him now."

---

The afternoon light is golden when they start descending the Da Chao. They pauses to admire the view.

"Hey, is your materia still... humming?"

"Yep" Aerith answers cheerfully. "But it was most vocal at the shrine, and it's getting quieter the further we go. I wish I knew what it meant."

"Maybe it's trying to say something." Yuffie suggests. "Maybe you just need to find a way to talk back."

"Talk back..." Aerith ponders. "With the materia..." She frowns lightly. "That sounds almost familiar. I wish I'd paid more attention to mom... or mom paid more attention to me. I feel completely useless."

"Don't beat yourself up. For the last of your species, you're doing pretty well."

"Thanks. But I feel less alone today than I have for a long time. Thank you, Yuffie."

"Aw, shucks."

"No matter what though, I think we can safely agree that this place is special. No matter what the reason is, the materia responded to the shine. It's a beautiful, special place. When this is all over, can we come back?"

"Of course. Maybe by then I could actually summon Leviathan instead of a bunch of fish."

Aerith laughs. Yuffie is getting really attached to the sound.

---

"I think I figured it out."

Standing at the edge of the crater, Aerith looks so, so small. Yuffie supposes she must look the same.

The airship floats above them, and the dusk is settling into the dust.

"What?"

"The materia. It's like... a PHS."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Except most places have really bad reception, or too many people try to use the line at the same time and you get a jammed line and no effective communication."

"Huh."

"But certain areas on the planet allow the phone to work properly. That's where the materia hums. It's just a matter of learning how to pick up, and what to say afterward."

"So... should we go back to Wutai?"

"No... I think there's one more place that might work better."

"Where?"

Aerith shakes her head. "Who knows?"

"You're making no sense, Aer."

"Really? I thought my PHS analogy was quite clever, actually."

"Aer... are you alright?"

Silence. Aerith sits down, and sighs into the gaping hole in the ground.

"Not really. So much has happened. Sephiroth... Tseng... and Cloud. It feels like everything's spiraling out of control, and somebody is trying to send me a very clear message on how to save everybody, but I just can't decipher it. You know those magic eye pictures? This feels like that. If I could just... see everything for what it is..."

"Hey, it's not all on your shoulders. I'm part Cetra too, right? I can help. You're not alone in this."

Another long silence.

"Thanks Yuffie. I mean it."

Yuffie smiles tiredly

Eventually, Aerith continues - "There's a church in Midgar, where I spent most of my time. The soil's all wrong and half the time it rains weak acid, but the flowers thrive there. The contrast is quite beautiful, actually. I'd love to show you one day."

"I'm not a big fan of Midgar." Yuffie scrunches her nose. "But I suppose I could tolerate it with you around. Only after we visit Wutai again, though. There are more places like the shrine I think you'd really like."

"It's a deal."

And when Yuffie wakes up the next morning, Aerith is gone.

#final fantasy vii #aerith gainsborough #yuffie kisaragi #fanfiction #headcanon #crim's modern writing

[journalofsorts2]

here's some more quotes from tiktok slideshows that really got to me because i haven't done this in a LONG time

"i feel sick when i remember how i opened up to you"

"i had no interests. i had no interest in anything. i had no idea how i was going to escape. at least the others has some taste for life. they seemed to understand something that i didn't understand. maybe i was lacking. it was possible. i often felt inferior. i just wanted to get away from them. but there was no place to go. suicide? jesus christ, just more work. i felt like sleeping for five years but they wouldn't let me."

"i forgive you for all the things you never apologized for"

"one day i woke up and we no longer spoke the same language. i haven't heard from you since."

"the illusions of childhood are necessary experiences: a child should not be denied a balloon just because an adult knows that sooner or later it will burst."

"i remember my childhood as a long wish to be elsewhere."

"from childhood i had never believed in permanence, and yet i had longed for it."

"then he said: don't you know i am trying to make you great. and i said: i do not want to be great, i want to be loved."

"'god knows all of your ugliness,' my mother says, 'and loves you despite.' 'is that supposed to make me feel loved?' i reply. 'i am still ugly. he is still god.'"

"the desire to be sicker to prove that you are sick is indicative of sickness. a well person doesn't desire to be sick."

"'stop. give me your hand. i am your friend.' 'i fear to stain your clothes with blood.' 'stain them, i don't care.'"

"i already said too much. i already shared too much, and i want all my secrets back. i hate getting close to people these days, i always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much."

"i am starved for tenderness and that is what is the matter with me and has been the matter with me for months."

"i think i've come to terms with the fact that there will always be a ribbon of loneliness running through who i am"

"i wanted you to see a mess and still find me worthy of love, to tell me that you could still love me anyway."

"i was so alone that every day was like eating my own heart"

"like any unloved thing, i don't know if i'm real when i'm not being touched."

"you are not mine, but sometimes i pretend that you wish you were. i create this idea that you secretly want me. and i often forget it's just something i've made up. you do not want me, and you are not mine."

"nothing had changed. i was the stupid one again. i was the girl who never understood who she was to people."

"i'm not a whole person, and i don't think i ever will be. parts of me died in the house i grew up in, and i visit them in my dreams."

"when i was in 5th grade a girl in my class rode horses. i told her she was so lucky and that i'd always wished i could do that. she told me i could still do it. and i said no, i'm way too old. i missed my chance. it's too late. it's years too late. very early in my life it was too late."

"mothers are humans. who sometimes give birth to their pain. instead of children."

"because i am not the type of person someone falls in love with."

"but the thing is, even if i could go back, i wouldn't belong there anymore."

"she didn't sob or wail. her grief was horribly discreet but as persistent and almost as silent as bleeding from an unstitched wound."

"'i think i wait for people to hurt me,' she said quietly, 'and when they do i feel a certain smugness at being right. and, after that, i just feel pain.'"

"sometimes i think if nobody spoke to me, i'd never speak again."

cool that's enough for now. 👍

[cinnamonchaos]

On feeling hollow

"I felt both wildly, piercingly glad to be alive and also like I did now know what to do with the life I now held in my hands. It was as if someone had handed me the moon, and what does one do with the moon?"

"There was a hum in my body of disinterest, ennui, and anxiety as low and simultaneously disruptive as a washing machine on a spin cycle that won't turn off"

"I am constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplicable, to tell about something I only ever feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those very bones."

"I think I've come to terms with the fact that there will always be a ribbon of loneliness running through who I am"

"I need a father. I need a mother. I need some older wiser being to cry to. I talk to God but the sky is empty."

#franz kafka #sylvia plath #dolly alderton #marya hornbacher #jenny slate #feeling hollow #loneliness #inexplicable

[shortgirlfics]

the rose garden - ep 1

listen to: don’t wanna cry by seventeen, spring day by bts and hurt by newjeans

genre: fluff, romance, slight angst

author’s note:

hey! so last time i wrote cinnamon sugar cookie, which was a oneshot/drabble. but i wanted to try something new, and write a few-part series, so here’s part one of the rose garden! it’s a royal sort of piece, to live all your princesscore dreams and inspired by @chocolvte​‘s chan royal au oneshot. you can read it on their account! it’s adorable. again, lowercase intended. i think it’s cute. enjoy!

he was so perfect.

princess aeri had spent the past five minutes simply staring at her guard, kai. he had dark eyes, the colour of that very last bit of hot chocolate you tip your cup upwards to sip. his glossy brown waves, that had the colour and softness of coffee, seemed to sit perfectly all the time, and with that one dimple on his left cheek, the one aeri rarely saw anymore, he was complete. he was perfect. he had always been.

he just didn’t really care anymore.

aeri had known kai since they were young. he was the son of the head guard at her palace, and only a year older. they’d grown up running through the palace grounds during the summer, having spring picnics in the apple orchard, hosting secret gatherings with the squirrels under the orange-tipped trees during autumn, and sipping hot tea in front of the furnace after snowball fights during winter. they’d experienced almost everything together, and, while they were young, it had seemed that there was no difference between the two. aeri ignored the fact that she was a princess, and kai seemingly forgot that he was a guard’s son. they were simply the best of friends.

but once he’d been promoted to guard when he turned sixteen, he’d started to grow cold, taking his job of protecting the princess of the north very seriously. their late night chats, discreet hugs and escapades to the lake all of a sudden stopped. and princess aeri found herself very, very lonely.

her father, the king, knew that when his daughter turned eighteen, she would marry a suitable prince and take over the kingdom when he and his wife stepped down. he had decided that, upon noticing her loneliness, inviting an assortment of different princes, one per afternoon, would be an appropriate decision. He hoped that one, just one, would become the love of aeri’s life, and help fill the empty void that kai had left.

“your highness, i believe a prince jacob has come calling, courtesy of his majesty.” kai had informed her bluntly, seemingly showing no emotions of the matter. aeri felt her heart sink a little; she knew her father was trying to do the right thing, but she wasn’t sure she could fall for anyone. not after him.

she thought of all the things she could say in that very moment. no, i don’t want to meet him, i just want to be with you, and i would be if you hadn’t changed so. why have you changed? what happened? what happened to what we had, kai?

“thank you, kai,” she replied instead, attempting to ignore the thoughts spiraling through her head. aeri took a deep breath, holding each edge of her dress as to not have it drag on the floor, and was about to leave when a hand slipped around her waist.

“oh-” she paused, equally shocked and thrilled by kai’s actions. but he simply fixed the ribbon tied around the cinched waist of her dress then let go, gesturing towards the door.

aeri felt tears well in her eyes as she left the room. kai felt the same, though of course, she would never know. she never did know. 

“hello, princess aeri, i’m jacob, the prince of the south.” the handsome boy reached for aeri’s extended hand, kissing her fingers lightly. he stood back up and smiled at her.

and all of a sudden, aeri knew what she was going to do.

“prince jacob, would you mind taking a stroll in the rose gardens with me? i have something i’d like to discuss.”

“why of course, princess aeri.”

#shortgirlfics oneshot drabble writing therosegarden

[batteryacid111]

“i’m so lonely, all of the time, but it’s okay. it’ll always be okay.” “what does it feel like to be lonely? it feels like being hungry: like being hungry when everyone around you is readying for a feast.” “i will never forget the loneliness i knew as a child. for a period of my life i hid behind a mask. did not want to acknowledge any longing. now it’s part of me — something i can share. both the loneliness and the longing.” “the thing is… i mean, there’s times when you look at the universe and you think ‘what about me?’ and you can just hear the universe replying, ‘well what about you?’” “do you ever think oh actually i am never going to stop being eleven years old and lonely” “you dangle on the leash of your own longing; your need grows teeth.” “i am tired. these people make me feel i have a hole in the middle of me.” “i began to forget myself in the middle of sentences.” “i think i’ve come to terms with the fact that there will always be a ribbon of loneliness running through who i am.”

[spacepoetry]

.

#something something ribbon of loneliness running through me #i keep dreaming about coming out to people/mostly family and it going bad #today i dreamed someone else asked to have other pronouns used and as soon as they left the room got made fun of #yesterday i dreamed some v transphobic bullshit that's actually not too unrealistic to really be said to me when i come out #last week i dreamed something about being hunted or running away and it had smth to do with coming out #this is so exhausting #i wake up and feel B A D #i might just have to come out to some people for this to go away but i don't want to :/ #I'm so tired of being misgendered. you don't even have to understand it just respect me :(

[fairmoephelia]

was i really such a lonely kid? loneliness + childhood

jenny slate / florence + the machine / tumblruser mango-season / the magnus archives, mag 154 / liv ullmann / anne carson

[image description: six images of quotes and lyrics from different sources.

1. a quote that reads “i think i’ve come to terms with the fact that there will always be a ribbon of loneliness running through who i am.”

2. lyrics from no choir by florence + the machine that read “but the loneliness never left me, i always took it with me.”

3. a quote that reads “do you ever think oh actually i am never going to stop being eleven years old and lonely.”

4. an image of a transcript from the magnus archives that reads “archivist: the lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it? martin: (no hesitation) you know, i think it always did.”

5. a quote that reads “i will never forget the loneliness i knew as a child. for a period of my life i hid behind a mask. did not want to acknowledge any longing. now it is a part of me—something i can share. both the loneliness and the longing.”

6. a quote that reads “i feel so lonely, like childhood again.”

end id.]

#only child. lonely child. #web weaving #parallels #jenny slate #florence + the machine #liv ullmann #anne carson #loneliness #childhood #i saw that one post and went oh my god

[vvienne]

XICHENG FIC RECS

hold my hands by Snooze (Chiruka)

Transplanting a core into a new person isn’t without repercussions. One year after the events at Guanyin Temple, Jiang Cheng found himself once again faced with the possibility of losing everything he had. Reconciling with his brother, learning to let Jin Ling go, and dealing with his blooming emotions toward the First Jade of Gusu — will Jiang Cheng accomplish what he wants before time runs out?

it all passes someday by screamlet

A week before the anniversary of Wei Wuxian’s death, there was a commotion outside Lan Wangji’s house.

*

Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji over the years.

The Unlikely Expression of Love by manamune

When everything has settled, when everyone else has moved on with their lives and their friends, Jiang Cheng has a realization which shouldn’t actually be a surprise:

He’s lonely.

Indigo, lavender, and violet (I don't wanna be red) by ohwhatevrewhatevr

It, in the pale colors of the late morning, is the closest to perfect Jiang Cheng will ever reach. He strokes Lan XiChen's hair and presses a light kiss to where his ribbon and hair meet. The sky is a pale blue, and the pastels of flowers and clouds are spread out through the window, a brilliant world waiting for them, them in the gentian house, safe from stronger breezes - there is the clutter of birds fluttering and chirping outside. It is a warm, perfect, spring morning.

Jiang Cheng and Lan XiChen have been together for an year. In which, no one ever really gets over things, Jiang Cheng has the misfortune of interacting with his brother, the juniors help out with the proposal, and there's a marriage.

Altitude by starknjarvis 

When Jin Ling lures Jiang Cheng to the Cloud Recesses under false pretenses, he finds himself out of place among this new family Wei Wuxian has formed.

Lan Xichen, at least, seems pleased to have his company.

Perhaps there is still a chance for Jiang Cheng to make amends and move forward.

[Modao Zushi Online] GLITCH REPORT: My Brother Got Chased Down And %$@*$&@ By Gusu Dungeon Boss??? by oh_fudgecakes

Modao Zushi Online is a virtual reality MMORPG. Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian are top ranking players in its new server, currently tied with their arch-nemesis from their previous server, Wen Chao. In an attempt to defeat him, they take on the Gusu Dungeon Boss, Zewu-jun, to win the reward of a legendary weapon. Ever the cheat, Wei Wuxian tries to take advantage of a glitch to defeat the seemingly undefeatable boss. It backfires. Jiang Cheng gets fucked by a boss monster.

He can't get enough.

Meanwhile, Lan Xichen, the unwitting staff member in charge of controlling Zewu-jun, absolutely did not sign up to be pulled into a secret virtual reality fling with a player. Mod Ji, who has to deal with Wei Wuxian's incessant glitch reporting of his brother's sex life, is long-suffering.

Mulberry by xxdz

Jiang Cheng grits his teeth and pushes harder. He feels like torn silk, the embroidery needle sinking in again and again and again; patiently, desperately, endlessly trying to make something beautiful out of something broken.

Jiang Cheng builds his sect, learns embroidery, and raises his nephew.

we can raise a little family by lanyon

“Well, brother,” says Wei Wuxian, leaning against the outside of Jiang Cheng’s chambers. “I had heard that you and Xichen went on a night hunt and came back with a baby, which is not the order I’d choose to do things in…”

In which Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen acquire a baby of unknown origin, and are the very last to know what it means.

Beyond the Impossible by Silverine

Summoned by Lan Qiren, Jiang Wanyin goes to the Cloud Recesses to drop his nephew Jin Ling, expecting to discuss relevant matters with his old master. Instead, he's asked to take with him no other than Sect Leader Lan himself, all the way back to Lotus Pier. If the reason why he accepted such an outrageous task is indeed a mystery, he's about to be surprised by how this entire trip, their encounters, and his warm company, suddenly feel fated.

Incrementally by xxdz

Jiang Cheng is trapped in a day on repeat where he begins by waking in Zewu Jun’s bed at dawn and ends by dying painfully at dusk.

It’s getting very irritating, and he has the sneaking suspicion that his chances to solve his own murder are rapidly running out. Soon, his death will be much more permanent.

All in all, worst birthday ever.

Audience of One by WinterDreams

“Then let an established star go first,” Lan Xichen interrupts again before Lan Wangji can give a stubborn reply. Both men twist toward Lan Xichen, and he smiles at Wei Wuxian’s tilted head. “If I publicly date a man for awhile first, your engagement shouldn’t receive as much backlash.”

Or, that AU where everyone is famous in some way or another, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have been dating in private for years, and Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng pretend to date publicly for their brothers' sake.

A Bit of Ruthlessness by jirluvien

When Jiang Cheng hears that Lan Xichen went into seclusion following Jin Guangyao’s death, it’s almost as if he can see the grabby hands of a restless ghost, reaching out for something to keep him company. For something warm and living and devastated. And as history has proved time and time again, the Lans are perfect victims when it comes to giving in to ghosts.Yeah, no. Not on Jiang Cheng’s fucking watch.A story about grief, determination, unexpected friendships, abandoned watchtowers, and letters. So many letters.

All Tied Up In You by Clearpearls

Yet again, the night had come to this:

Jiang Cheng on the floor, kneeling, Zidian wrapped around his wrists.

Alone.

Thank You, and I'm Sorry by Hamliet

Jin GuangYao might be dead, but his story is not. Taking advantage of the chaos he instigated, someone makes an attempt on the life of the young new leader of the Jin Sect. When Jiang Cheng takes Jin Ling to the Cloud Recesses to have him study while he attempts to work with Wei WuXian and his husband Lan WangJi to eliminate the threat, he encounters a mourning Lan XiChen, lovestruck teenagers, and a persistent corpse--and both pairs of brothers find themselves struggling to move on.

saturn's rings (don't be a heartbreaker) by iskendaris

Set after the seige of burial mounds, Yunmeng rebuilds as they hold the first Discussion Conference at Lotus Pier. Sometimes the night is a gift, a refuge for loneliness. "So stern, Sect Leader Jiang," Lan Xichen murmured, "So glacial... What will it take to melt that icy exterior? What can I say?"

"Nothing. There's nothing you can say or offer."

reciprocity by jukeboxhound

There’s a pause before Lan Xichen says, in a tone that’s a little more neutral, “I would like to paint on you.”

“…What?”

“Of course, if you say ‘yes’ but then change your mind at any point, for any reason, you need only say so and I will stop immediately,” he adds.

Well, silver lining: Jiang Cheng is feeling much more awake than he was a moment ago.

Talent Hunt Crew Finds Angry Guy Shouting On College Campus, Recruits Him For Vocal Projection Abilities by oh_fudgecakes

Jiang Cheng, resident Angry Guy and heir to a conglomerate empire, has never been the apple of his father’s eye. Quashed under the shadow of his brilliant brother, the music prodigy Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng sees his chance to turn things around when he is recruited by the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt. One problem: he can’t sing to save his goddamn life.

As he struggles to develop his nascent singing abilities, Jiang Cheng finds himself sucked into the whirlwind drama of reality TV, helped along by his adoring siblings, his irritable vocal coach Wen Qing, and strangely enough, the unfairly attractive host of the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt, Lan Xichen. Somewhere in the glare of the stage lights and an unexpected first love, Jiang Cheng stumbles upon the thing he was searching for all along: the courage to dream — and to attempt the impossible.

Marginal Costs by ohwhatevrewhatevr

“You think you know what you want, Er-Ge,” A-Yao says. “But you should consider what you’re willing to give first,” he says wryly, taking Lan XiChen’s chess piece with slim, skilled fingers.

Lan XiChen looks up at A-Yao’s concentrated expression and the hint of contentment on his face that he is special enough to be allowed to see.

“It’s not just one decision, but the lead up to many more. One decision decides what else you’re going to have to pay, and each time you have to ask yourself, ignoring the sunk costs, if this time it’s worth it as well.”

When his sworn brother looks up at him with those clear, amber eyes, waiting, Lan XiChen feels the pull and gives in: he asks.

“Are you happy being in love?”

(First half is two sad sworn brothers talking, internally mourning how unfortunate their other sworn brother’s death was :/ and second half is when a mopey boy in blue meets an angsty boy in purple whilst chasing a demonic cultivator, and a lil bit of sexy dual cultivation happens.)

Somewhat Tender by theherocomplex

There is no defense against kindness; it has always undone him.

I didn't expect you to be lonely (too) by bettydice (BettyKnight)

Jiang Cheng's life is a mess, he's a mess, and he doesn't miss his brother at all. So when his sister gifts him ten sessions with a massage therapist, who turns out to be someone he was crushing on for a hot minute as a teenager and is still as hot as ever... yeah, that might as well happen. It won't have to mean anything.

This feels intimate to Jiang Cheng in a way that's probably very inappropriate and maybe even pathetic. Nobody touches him like this, right where he’s hurt the most. There's no one who handles him so gently, so carefully.

It's the gentleness that's his undoing, he thinks. He would be able to deal better with it if it was painful.

Life for Rent by yodasyoyo

“Yeah well. You’re not taking me seriously. This guy is my soulmate!”

“Soulmate.” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Just because you don’t believe in them—”

“I believe in them!” Jiang Cheng says. “I’ve never denied they exist.”

“Just last week you said that it was an evolutionary quirk that had been used by greetings card companies, movie makers, and corporations to exploit lonely and vulnerable people.”

“And I stand by it! That doesn’t mean that soulmates aren’t real. Just incredibly unlikely and probably pointless.

-

Or:

Xicheng vs Soulmates. Fight!

Halfway Around the World by theherocomplex

Normally, Jiang Cheng would be seething, jaw clenched tight, if someone sounded like that while they were talking, but — Lan Xichen has the trick of always making you feel like you're in on the joke, whatever the joke is. That you're laughing together.

Whelmed by yodasyoyo

For months now Jiang Cheng’s been idly fantasizing about how it would be if something were to come between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. Mostly those daydreams have been simple enough — they break up (probably because Lan Zhan is boring or Wei Ying is annoying), Wei Ying is sad for a couple of days (Jiang Cheng’s willing to allow some space for feelings, he isn't a total monster), but then Wei Ying realizes he’s better off, he gets over it, and Jiang Cheng gets his brother back.

Unfortunately the fantasy version of events has only proven partially true, so far. They've broken up. Wei Ying has been sad.

Now weeks have passed, though — and Wei Ying is still sad, every. Single. Day.

It’s like Jiang Cheng's stuck in a looping GIF, and it’s driving him insane.

Or:

Jiang Cheng plots, Lan Huan pines, and, unfortunately for Lan Qiren, Wangxian are inevitable.

#xicheng #fic recs #mdzs #mdzs recs #jiang cheng #lan xichen #obvs these reflect my personal preferences etc etc

[missgeniality]

A Work Of Art (m)

“In our life there is a single color, as on an artist’s palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love.” - Marc Chagall

➺ Banner: The lovely @dee-ehn 💕

➺ Pairing: Jimin x Female Reader

➺ Genre: PWP, Smut, Slightest Angst

➺ Rating: 18+

➺ Word Count: 7.3k

➺ Summary: You surprise Jimin with his Filter outfit; and then some.

➺ Warnings: tongues get tired in this fic, dom!jimin, we talk about spit, some biting, jimin loves praise, lingerie n stuff, nipple play, oral sex (m&f receiving), we talk more about spit, some bondage is involved, degrading names, blindfolds, spanking (maybe too much, don’t look @ me), light choking, light face-fucking, cum eating, we talk even more about spit, hickeys galore, some edging?, unprotected sex (don’t do it kids, not even for Jimin)

➺ Author’s Note: (repost bc tags, you know how it is) huge s/o to @ilikemesometaetaes for making time to beta read this monstrosity 💜 thank youuuu! Also thanks to @honeiibeehobi, @kithtaehyung for helping me with the many many details & @ppersonna​for hyping up this idea or else it would have never seen the light of day ;_; lol i will come back to edit this cuz this didnt let me focus on my paper due tonight so if you see a spelling mistake or tense error umm no you didnt 👀

do let me know your thoughts!! the smallest feedback goes a long way! 💛💛

This is the first part of my Dress Down series, find more at it’s masterlist!

Y/N: soooooo, I did a thing. JM: is the dishwasher flooding our kitchen again? Y/N: -_- i’ll give you two more guesses. JM: oh no. you picked up a dog from the street again.  Y/N: come onn!! JM: y/n, last time you picked one up, HE HAD AN OWNER Y/N: you’re down to your last try, or else i’m taking this off. JM: … JM: so its something you have on? 😏 Y/N: pic_210124.jpg JM: holy shit JM: wait wait fuck JM: keep the door unlocked.

“You like?”

The bob in his Adam’s apple wordlessly conveys the answer you’re looking for.

A crisp, white, button down shirt, tucked into black trousers, topped off with a panama hat that matches your top half is the view Jimin comes home to. Your dress pays homage to Jimin’s Filter outfit - actually, the exact one - the one that showcased his immaculate dance moves, the one that exposes his delicious collarbones, the one that brings the irresistible urge to bite your way up his neck - the one he eventually rids. 

If you had to pick a color, he is a flustered orange, bright and blushing, turned on by the indecent implication of your very decent outfit.

You’re on the counter, one leg crossed over the other, accentuating the swell of your ass. Landing on the pads of your feet, you take a few steps towards the man with the unhinged jaw.

“Babe.” a mellow croak - Jimin can’t get a whole sentence out without saliva pooling and obstructing his speech. “You, in my clothes… fuck.” 

Chuckling at his very obvious loss of words, you give him a twirl, allowing him to fully soak in your outfit.

“Was waiting for you.”

Three long strides and you were in his arms, a pair of lips desperate to invade your space and claim you. An Angel on your shoulder tells you to give in; after all, this is the end result - what you both want. 

However, the Devil on the other side, no no no. It wants you to make him suffer. To get revenge for all the times you were taken control of. It remembers all the days he turned you on with shoot photographs and all the nights he brought you to the brink only to stop you from tipping over with a cocky smirk and a cheeky wink. 

The Devil was created from the moments when you thought you would actually erupt, begging for release, only to be shoved aside with a single growl of ‘don’t you fucking dare.’ 

Your desire to please him effectively silenced the Devil and kept it at bay. But no more. All those times built up and gave your Devil the power to force its way against your will to restrain it, causing it to rise to the surface.

You will have the upper hand. 

So you push him away, keeping him at an arm’s length for your safety to have him on his toes. Forlorn eyes meet your steely ones, and you physically stop yourself from giving in to his puppy gaze - those eyes can turn icy and sultry when nailing you into the bed like his rent depended on it. 

“Sit there. I have a-” You turn to switch on some music, “-small present for you.”

“If the small present isn’t me folding you in half and fucking you till sunrise,” He sits with visible reluctance, irises slowly transforming into magma orbs, “I don’t want it.”

“Well, we’ll see… Depends on how you behave.”

On a normal day, this comment would have lit your ass on fire, pronto.

Today isn’t a normal day at all. 

You stride on, every noiseless step you take leaving a wreckage of nerves behind, ignoring the smoldering gaze he has locked on you- you are unsure whether he is deciding your punishment or simply admiring how his clothes fit on your body.

You stand on the side, drinking him in. 

From your viewpoint, this is ridiculous. Those cursed jeans, vacuumed onto his thighs, ensure your eyes don’t miss a single ridge. His legs are spread out, beckoning you to have a seat, and the Angel once again begs for some reprieve. He knows what he’s doing; knows you inside and out- knows you couldn’t miss a chance to ride him like this. The wicked smirk flashing back at you is confirmation. 

But you stymy that thought at its root. Walking behind, you wrap your arms around him to faintly buss his cheek. 

“Sooo I was watching Filter…” 

Jimin hums against your feeble touch. He wants more. The soft wind of your breath routing through his jeweled ear sends a wave of goosebumps down his spine. From behind, you run your hands over his sinewy biceps, taut in restraint - holding themselves back against the suffering you are putting him through. 

“You do know how fucking hot you looked, right?” You playfully let your tongue toy with the hanging ornament, the briefest of flicks causing Jimin’s shoulders to push back, trying to connect with your bosom.

With a crooked finger under his jaw, you bring him to meet your eyes- eyes that are adorned with layered shadows of deep maroons, a variety of colors blending into your skin tone, eyelashes piqued up and ready to reach the clouds.

“So pretty…” He whispers out as you place your hat on its rightful throne - Jimin’s head.

A lone digit traces the lines of art you etched for him, appreciating every single stroke you put in to make a memorable time. Warm merigold rays bloom in your chest in response to his gaze, with him looking at you like you invented the sky. Pupils are dilated, and the only reason you can see each other is because of the practically nonexistent distance between you.

His eyes pick up on your tapering resolve to keep him in line. A light quiver of need passing your lips as you hopelessly vie for dominance is what most likely gives you away. 

Grabbing you by the neck, he pulls you into a deep kiss, plunging his tongue into you with reckless abandon like he was a nomad all this while and your mouth has finally claimed him home. Your neck strains at the awkward angle and surely even his is hurting, but the pressure of his hand is unrelenting.

His tongue searches and searches, desperately looking for a part in you he has not yet explored. You’d think the years of togetherness would have diminished this fiery attraction but no, he comes onto you like he has a mission to prove - to validate his love for you, to plead you to be his. You would happily accept this shower of affection, returning it with due interest.

With great difficulty you part, a string of spit still connecting your lips because he has not let you move far enough. “Uh-uh. Be good.” You pout a little, breaking character.

“You’re here. In my clothes. A walking dream. How the fuck am I to be good?” He pulls you back in to continue what you cut short but you break the line of spit and his intention with a hand wedged between your faces. 

“I asked you a question, Mister.” Back on your cocky nature, you graze your lips against oh-so-lightly, barely giving him anything to feel, but the tingling on his skin shows he can feel it all.

The adoration moves into a competition, “You tell me, sweetness - how did I look?”

It’s always the praise. He loves it when you struggle to tell him his dick was crafted by the heavens when you’re choking on it, but he still makes you do it. You stutter and stumble your words when his lips smack against your cunt, devouvering and digging for the treasure of your cum, but he forces you to tell him. When you sit on his dick, your brain has no sense of diction or direction, only chasing the high at his mercy, but he makes you scream it out loud, letting everyone beyond the pearly gates know, between moans and wails, that only he can break you down this way. 

“This shirt, sweetie.” Your nose trails the path between his collar and the ends of his hair, basking in the sweet vanilla scent, “You’re all covered. Why, pray tell,” You dig your teeth into the point where his shoulder meets his neck, “does this sole patch of skin turn me on so bad?”

He sucks in an inhale through his clenched teeth, his stunning visage devoid of any virtue. His head is thrown back, hat toppling over in the movement and giving you a larger canvas to mark, an opportunity you happily grasp. The mellifluous tones he is producing is recorded in your mind for lonelier nights to come. 

“And the red suit? Fuck, your corseted waist?” At the corner of your eye you see his fingers clenching into a fist, your lush voice making it harder and harder for him to breathe. 

You slowly stride forward, painfully slow, letting him notice every single muscle of your body curving to his unspoken command, undoing one button at a time until your torso is revealed- and shows the true purpose of your scarlet eye makeup. 

A deep burgundy camisole, ribbed at the waist to accentuate the way your hips flow has Jimin salivating to no end. The strappy number, with carmine ribbons flowing into your yet to be removed bottom half- a deed Jimin intends on rectifying very, very soon- calls to him sinfully. The lingerie twists and ties in incomprehensible ways, but the amount of cleavage it gives you is ungodly. 

If they weren’t already, Jimin’s eyes are now wide open.

Time comes to a standstill as he checks out your whole figure, taking in every embroidered pattern on the lingerie and every embellishment on your breasts. Before, you were already a five-star meal, but now? An emperor’s feast. 

The little flower right on top of your nipple has Jimin’s attention. His thumb comes up to trace the bedecked rose, following the stitched line of stem that takes him to the peak, then drawing over petal by petal. Each time he reaches close to your hardened nub, he abstains from crossing over it, making your nipple hardens imperceptibly under the presentiment of any relief and the disappointment when nothing arrives. His other hand, sitting on your waist, coaxes you to straddle him while he plays gardner on your bust.

“Jimin…” Your nipple, finally finding solace under his thumb, is not faring too well under the attention. Your plan of teasing him is slipping through your fingers like sand.

“Tell me baby, what do you want?” His finger is now tracing the seams of your lingerie cups, admiring the way they frame your ample bosom. Things are progressing too slow for your liking, and you come clean with your ignoble intentions. 

“Please, I just want to suck you off.”

A wad of spit lands directly into your cleavage, followed by two thick fingers penetrating the lubed entrance. 

“Nope.” His fingers continue to shallowly fuck your cleavage. Neither of you are being touched in the erogenous zone, but why does it feel so good? Your valley is inundated with his dribble, coating your ensemble and shifting shades to a deep cerise. Every pump of his nimble fingers between your breasts is like a promise of what your pussy is going to go through. Will he fuck you hard and fast with your voice echoing across the room, making every neighbor privy of your sexual escapedes? Will he be slow and gentle, penetrate you with utmost care, soft gasps and whines only sounded to the two of you? You can never guess.

In the aphrodisiac moment, you forgot that you were supposed to take charge. 

“Please, please, please! I did so much,” You take the guilt route. If Jimin was anything, he was a just and fair man. “Can’t I get that much?”

Jimin’s gaze has not left your wet cleavage. A flit of his eye makes contact with yours and goes back to the fucking - that is enough language for you to understand his needs. You bend low, and spit out a fat glob onto your chest to add to the mess he has already made. The groan that leaves him is ungodly, and he licks the spit you unloaded onto yourself, spreading it all over your expensive wear. He slurps like you released sweetened water to a parched traveller, your bosom holding all the sweetness to itself.

Gathering your thoughts is more difficult than you could ever imagine. The cloth over your nipples is completely soaked, bitten into and sticking to your skin thanks to the vacuum Jimin pulled on them. Your back has had a workout, every vertebrae bent to its maximum possibility. Chiropractors are so last year, you just have your boyfriend ravish your breasts.

“Once I’m done, you can do whatever you want.”

All of your five brain cells had to be put in action to form that sentence. The moment the words left your lips, the pressure your breasts were on had been released, but you could still feel lips against you, stretching into a snarky smirk.

“Whatever?” His grip on your waist tightens, seating you more firmly onto his taut thighs. 

Whatever. That stupidly amazing word. 

“Saying ‘whatever’ always lands you in trouble. Have you forgotten?” His damp lips are tracing your collarbones, nibbles whenever he felt appropriate. How does he expect you to form a damned sentence like this, the Devil on your shoulder indignantly asks. The Angel on the other has gone back in time to fetch memories filed under the term ‘whatever’, strictly saved for your quality alone-time. 

The first time you told him to do ‘whatever he wants’ was fairly early into your relationship. Sex was as vanilla as the ice cream tastebud-less people liked, and none of you ever pushed it too far. A happy, drunken night with a loose-lipped confession from him. 

“God, the things I want to do to you…” he had muffled into your hair, maybe not even intended for your ears to pick up. 

A cheeky giggle had bubbled out of your tipsy self. “Like what, tie me up?”

If Jimin then were a color, he was a pantone pink. Blushed cheeks from the alcohol and the realization that you had caught him, airbrushed with a depth you weren’t able to put in place that early in the relationship. Wide-eyed horror was shown in its place, possibly exaggerated to add to the denial he had landed himself in. 

“No no, of course, I don’t mean it like that, what ar-”

“Why not?”

The animal that awoke after confirming with you fifteen times was a force to be reckoned with. Your bra had turned into rope, wrists bound behind as he roughly squished your helpless cheeks. 

“You will tell me when to stop, right?” His tongue peeked lightly, brushing your top lip, taking the perspiration away.

“Uhmf-yufh!” 

“God, you’re gonna regret this baby.” 

But it was exactly the opposite. You got the railing of a lifetime, heard the filthiest words that could leave the lips of such a courteous man - a side you had not expected at all. You couldn’t possibly recollect every single move he made, but what you can recollect with excruciating detail is every feeling you felt that night. It was filled with lust, with revelations of the new ways your body could bend, a night of puppetry where Jimin played you like the master your body craved. The following day was Jimin taking care of you, big puppy eyes wondering whether he took it too far. In his daze of letting go of control, he couldn’t take in your lidded stare, heaving with satisfaction - so you made sure he could witness them when he took you the next time that morning.

The other time the wretched word was mentioned was during an argument. You’re not jealous of Jimin on stage - it’s his career and you were one of the girls offering one of their kidneys to be able to catch a glimpse of him. 

But your workspace? That’s where you draw the line. 

She was a random worker. Some third-floor low-lying soul. You were eighth-floor premium material (the floors didn’t decide shit, but no one can tell you what skyscraper semantics you can craft in your brain). A lifeless party that even Jimin’s colorful locks couldn’t color up. 

This random worker was very enamored by Jimin (as she should, the man is a whole nine-course meal). Supportive fans are not what get you jealous either. 

But the limit is when placed her scrawny fingers on Jimin’s hand, drawing the glass in his grip to her lips and took a sip from it. If her lashes were fanned they could blow a man away (which is probably more than what her puny mouth could possibly do). The fume exiting your ears could have been in bright red for all you care, because every office member had been rightfully annoyed. 

The whole car ride back was filled with your drunken blabbers about the different ways you could skin her. The actual victim beside you was not making a nearly big enough deal out of it, intending to let you get rid of your temper.

“She fucking knew!” Your normally clean disposition had taken its leave after the fuming temper took real estate in your brain, and you aimlessly threw your heel at some corner of the house - hungover self shall have to deal with this angry mess you’ve made. Wait, you’re an angry mess too.. “The gall she had, I should jus-”

You march towards the door, in hopes of what, you don’t know. But if you didn’t take action you’ll probably explode. Any action, just anything. You never find out though, because a strong arm slithered around your waist and halted your expedition. 

“Calm down, feisty. Where are you going now?” His soothing voice, punctuated with a mocking chuckle almost quelled the fire in you. Almost. 

But you’re not done being an idiot. 

“To go find her for you. You’d fuck the living daylights out of her, right?”

The loudest silence you have ever encountered. Jimin’s grip on your waist tightened to the point where it could have hurt. Like he was trying to push every iota of that thought out of your body. From behind, you can hear a deep breath dragging, and somewhere in your irate head you knew you had struck a nerve, a bad one. Jimin is forced to expel any anger bubbling in him, trying to use reason with an unreasonable recipient. 

“Princess, you don’t actually think I’d do that right?”

“I don’t know!” Your misplaced anger had reached the rooftops. Jimin had done nothing wrong here except try to calm an increasingly livid girlfriend. “Maybe you’d love that. Her itty-bitty waist, that whore’s outfit she had on. You call me a whore right? Maybe she’s more worthy of you!” 

“Y/N.”

The timbre of his voice had completely changed. The breathy, airy aura had completely departed from your name he had just called. The lack of nicknames raised some hair at the nape of your neck, but you’re a stubborn one. 

“Ugh, I don’t care.”

You tried to walk back to your room, head still reeling in a palace of inferno, burning everything that dares to intrude your path - but somehow, you had been pushed to a wall, and the eyes of the man you loved had turned feral. 

If Jimin was a color, he was green - igniting with fury, anger repressed in dark shadows that never made the light of the day until pushed - but you pushed all right. And now released from its shackles, it has surrounded you and slammed you against the wall - and you have nowhere to go. 

“You’re my whore. Is that a complaint from my stupid, stupid whore?”

The only joint you’re free to move is your neck, and your gratuitous self decided to rebel with whatever degree of freedom you have. Turning your face away to not meet his seething eyes, you continue your rebel-without-a-cause tantrum.

“Whatever.” you carped out.

Again, with that stupid word, you had signed your fate for the night. 

Usually, you can express your feelings. Be it pain or pleasure (sometimes the two packed in one), you could wail it out to the heavens and respite would follow. 

Usually, you can see the torments laid out on you. Jimin’s lithe body performing every obscene spell he invoked is a treat for your eyes. He treats your body like an artisan, using any medium to paint his art on you.

But that day, you were stripped of them both, and made to realize what a privilege they were.

Mouth stuffed with your bunched up panties, eyes blinded by his tie of the evening, you could only rely on the sensors on your skin to somehow predict what was going to be done to you. And you failed. Every single time. Every thwack fell on a new area. Every teasing touch tickled you at a new place. Nothing could begin to prepare you for his next move and you couldn’t keep up with his tameless pace.

He made you beg through the makeshift gag, beg to let you come, then beg to stop coming, beg for every orifice of yours to be filled by his seed and then beg to get cleaned by him. With the first rays of morning sunlight, language was an illusion, time was an out-of-reach concept, and all you knew was the worshipping of last night.

Whatever is a word. Whatever is mean. Whatever is filthy. Whatever is nailing you into the bed and rendering you immobile for the entire day. Whatever may just be a word to anyone, but to you it is what has you losing sense of reality, giving in to a phantasm of your wildest dreams. 

A wet tap on your cheek brings you back from you imagining the past - the fingers that were fucking your cleavage are squishing your cheeks, bringing your attention back from all your dirty memories to the present - to create another memory to add to your folder. 

If Jimin is a color, he is the darkest of all blacks. This is where everything pious comes to meet its sordid end. His sultry gaze is reading your eyes, searching for where you got lost, which shared memories of passed time made you melt into the puddle that you are right now. 

“I said, don’t you remember? ‘Whatever’?”

Let’s see. You don’t have work tomorrow. You don’t have any commitments. You don’t have to meet anyone. 

So there is no reason for you to be able to move. 

“Hmmmmn, I don’t seem to recall - you could remind me.”

Dark, dark chuckles from such a cherubic face. You flounder off his lap to shuck your (his) pants away, revealing the matching maroon garter belt set. The whole outfit is an ode to Jimin’s mid performance transformation, the one that made many people’s hearts skip a quick beat. His slim, cinched waist, the flared pants flowing down his frame were one for the books, and you’d like to think your rendition has its place too. 

Giving him a quick spin, you attempt to get down to business - but Jimin pulls you back on his lap. Without the pants, you can feel it - his hard, thick cock straining against the tough jean fabric and still making its presence known. 

“Tell me more, baby. What did you like?”

The man was a sucker for your praise. 

You were a sucker for the whole man. 

But the sucking will probably have to wait. 

“I loved your expressions. You’re so sexy on stage, fuck. Going around and giving bedroom eyes to the world.” 

His hand gripping you ass gives it a quick pinch, but voice just let out a lazy hum to get you to continue.

“The choreography,”, your whisper is strained, “you dance like you fuck baby. So sensual, so sexy.”

You lick a stripe up his neck, from his artistic collarbones to the back of his ear, the sensitive spot that makes him hiss is arousal. You stay there, wanting to whisper the next few lines. The world didn’t need to know your thirst for this. 

“You know my favorite part?” 

“Oh, tell me.” His voice is hitting lower and lower in pitch, much like it’s hitting you lower and lower in your body. 

You place the hand framing his face on his neck - the same one you want to cover in blooms of purple and red, lightly squeezing, letting him preen under the pressure. The tightness has Jimin’s head falling back on the headrest, and you can feel his pulse hastening to accommodate for the lacking oxygen in his stream. 

Letting go of his throat, and pleased to see the lightest indentation on his beautiful pale skin, you snake your hands downward. 

“Na, na, na,” Inching slowly towards your end goal, you whisper the tune into his ear, “na na na, na, na na”, covering every part with an indulgent languish, “pick your filter”.

Your hand finally reaches its destination - you grab his bulge and squeeze the hardness, making Jimin buck his hips against your palm. 

“Namaneul damabwa.”

It’s a low whisper from his lips, but even in the gravelly sound you can hear how melodious he is, how the song rolls off of his tongue and was made for his vocal color. The whisper is laced with lust, with want, with desire, all the feelings you portrayed for him in his performance.

That, and in life in general. 

You shuffle and sit to the side, simultaneously unbuttoning his jeans to get him some relief for the ache he had going on. Finally, you acquiesce and free his dick from its cages.

Every time you see him is a wonder to you. Hard, ridged, the right amount of veins to stimulate the walls of your cunt. Head leaking from the eons of teasing you’ve been doing, right from the text you sent to seconds ago. You bend down to clean him up, tasting the saltiness of his seed that has coated the head. Jimin’s lips are facing the brunt of your deeds - his teeth have found near permanent residence in its plushness, digging deep to keep from moaning too early, from giving you the pleasure. He is going to make you work. 

Well, you must get to work. 

Slowly, slowly, you dip your head in further, sucking lightly with each move, tongue tracing every vein on his dick. As you move your head back up, Jimin’s hand pushes into your back, making it arch further, and then you go down on his dick. His finger lightly follows the curve of your back, from your upper back all the way to the band of your lace panties. 

Hooking a finger underneath the lace fabric of your panty that had disappeared in between your mounds of flesh, he pulls at it - hard.  Your throat revolts against the intrusion as you gag, and the fabric presses into your clit. The concentrated abrasion turns into pleasure - he uses it to arch your back further, and bring your ass closer so that he can-

Smack! 

The spank sends you forward and you choke on his dick further, throat giving in to his hardness. 

“So good for me baby. Look at that ass.” He grabs one cheek, bubbled with the way your panties are now, squeezing and testing the firmness of your glutes. 

Your plans of torturing him are shot; the Devil on your shoulder is strangely mute. Awakening the brat, you slip a hand under and toy with his balls, pulling back to provide your throat some recess. Your saliva mixed with his precum is an gushing mess, glistening on his balls and now coating your palms as you play with light squeezes - the existing stiffness caused by your teasing arousal mixed with your playful fingers make Jimin buck into your mouth, releasing a delicious groan in the process.

A second spank is a warning, either you increase your pace or reap some serious consequences. You consider the consequences; they are very compelling. You could end with delicious marks of ownership from this delicious man. But he deserves the best suck of his life, and you’re going to do just that.

Hollowing your mouth, you go further down, till his head is poking an uninvaded point in your throat, and Jimin lets out a surprising note. A groan, no, a roar, but a tinge of whine mixed in it, like the pleasure is too much for him. 

You continue to swallow around, hand pumping the length you couldn’t take in, interlarded with swipes on his tight balls, leaving Jimin to be a heaving mess. Your ass is not faring better, bearing the brunt of his replies. You’re positive his fingerprints are imprinted on your asscheek, and one sit on his phone can unlock it. The line of your panties is drenched with your sopping wetness and lodged between the lips. 

“God, I’m so close baby, just a little more.” 

You would fervently nod in acceptance to whatever demand he places; in this position, he could ask you for the world and you would have it at his disposal. But what stops you are his ringed fingers lodged in your hair, pushing you in further, determined to spill deep in your throat, to the point where you don’t even have to swallow to get everything down. 

“Fuck, such a good girl for me.” Jimin appraises how deep he is going, how your throat is accommodating him and quivering around his length. Bunching your hair up into a makeshift ponytail, he stops them from obstructing his vision - the view of you struggling to take him in, toiling to keep the need to breathe at bay while you tend to his needs, worshipping his dick like its the last meal you’ll ever get - your desperate adulation takes him over the brink.

Jimin erupts into your mouth; an ungodly amount at that. It is the hardest he’s come in a while, and given your lifestyle, that’s saying something. Even a cum-hungry whore like you can’t possibly swallow that much in one go, and you are forced to let the globs dribble down his now-softening member. The two of you are heaving, catching a breath - completely different circumstances but the same result. 

The way you’re looking at him right now; his dick is already twitching to go for a second lap. Dilated pupils staring back, like you were at the receiving end of the orgasm - you are staring at him like he hung every star in the sky. Strings of cum are leaking out of the corners of your lips, ones he really wants to lap up with his tongue. Instead, you daintily dab it away - as innocent as pecking stray drops of ice cream off your mouth. 

You look at him with teasing eyes. “Want a taste baby?”

Running your tongue along the mess you (or he) made, you gather the remnant cum that didn’t go into you, and instead flooded his groin. Straddling back onto his lap, you go in for a kiss but stop halfway.

Jimin is looking, waiting with lust hungry eyes. Slightly pained by the pause, he whines. 

“What?”

“Open your mouth.”

From a height, you let his cum and your spit drop into his mouth, a groan of satisfaction emanating as Jimin’s tongue accepts it with great delight. He tastes his juices, they somehow feel sweeter coming from your mouth. He pushes the glob you dropped on his tongue against the roof of his mouth, letting every taste bud bathe in relish. When he’s sucked all flavor out of the globule he swallows it. On opening his eyes and landing back from heaven to earth, he sees you admiring his adam’s apple, the way it bobbed when he swallowed your offering. 

Jimin’s eyes trace your current state; you look beautiful. The strappy red lingerie wet from Jimin’s treatment perfectly showcases your peaked nipples, ready for another round of torture. His shirt, through all this has managed to stay hanging on your shoulders. The curves of your sinful waist accentuated by the ribbons of the wear, like roads down a windy path, every ribbon vanishing into their destination, between your curvaceous thighs. 

Slipping his fingers under the band, he decides he has not played with the lingerie enough, tugging it up once again - a sharp inhale and you’re moving along with it, upward to balance between the point of pain and pleasure. Jimin makes sure you don’t tip in favor of one. Grabbing you by the neck, Jimin harshly pulls you down into a deep kiss.

He’s done waiting, done watching you take the reins. His tongue tells you that you now can only react to his doings. Deepening the kiss, you let your mind walk places. Back to his performance, his stage presence, the aura he exudes when he is in his element. His sinful body melding to the flow of the beat, like the music was made to his movement - his piercing gaze that could leave an insentient camera with blushed cheeks - but a sharp bite pulls you right back to the present to remind you that this is also Jimin in his complete element. Pillowy lips, incandescent with every brush, sucked and nipped with fervor. But it still didn’t satisfy. It wasn’t nearly enough. Starved, you wanted to scream at every imperceptible air pocket between the two of you - as if you knew in your soul they were guilty of keeping you away. 

Jimin pulls away, and his words shut you down before the whine leaves you. 

“About that ‘whatever’…” his sinister eyes are a window to his brain churning something unimaginable to close the night - sinister in uppercase. Make it bold. Underline that shit. That’s him. 

In the bat of an eye, you are face down on the sofa - Jimin’s rock hard thighs are straddling you, making sure you can handle his weight. In all the coarseness, he takes care of the smallest of things. An untimely smile creeps up on your face at the thought, the tender show of affection amidst the rough push and pull affecting your immersion, but you can’t say you don’t like it.

Feeling a rough jerk on your shoulder, you try to look back, just in time to receive Jimin’s ravenous gaze; he looks at you like he will eat you alive, and by the end of the night you plan on having just that. Pulling back your now-unbuttoned shirt and bunching its ends, he anchors you to the position of his choice by tying your hands behind.

Smelling a line up your neck all the way up to your hair, he briefly pauses to ask “Okay?”

Your tiny nod is enough for Jimin to carry on with whatever godless plan he has chalked out for you. 

“I hope you had your fun. Because I’m not going easy on you.”

Light banter could cause no trouble. Atleast, not more than you already have. “When have you ever?”

Flashbacks of the blossoming days of your relationship flicker in Jimin’s mind, their fugacious presence a telling sign of how long it has been. Looking downward, he can only thank his alcohol-induced blabbering of that night as that is the reason he can enjoy the view he has right now. 

“Maybe I should take it easy?” His tongue flits across your neck, too soft for your liking, torturous like his liking.

His fingers are playing with the straps and your now exposed upper back. It’s always been a favorite place of his. The whole expanse looks resplendent when he is done tasting you. Maroon and purple florets on your beautiful, glowing skin. And then you purposely wear dresses to show it all off, to show who your heart belongs to. He loves that about you. 

You gyrate lightly, snapping him out of his daze, begging him to take you hard and fast. “Jimin, please.” a low drawl leaves you as you try to not slobber all over the cushion. 

Jimin shifts lower to straddle your thighs. Snaking his hand between your legs, he finds your clit and plays with it, every press releasing a different sound from different depths of your throat. A particularly low grunt appears when he slips two fingers into your channel with smooth ease, and pushes you up from the inside. 

“Ass up for me.”

His fingers stay lodged inside as you raise your hips to obey him, pulling you up further and further till he is satisfied with your position. God, your pussy looks wrecked. With every pump of his fingers you gush our more liquid, and Jimin gathers the escaping drops on this tongue. 

“So perfect for me, this hole.” You can feel the cold metal of his rings drawing circles inside you as he prepares you to take his cock. His tongue, drawing completely different characters is too slow for your liking - he seems to be more satisfied in drinking your cum dripping from his fingers instead of paying attention to your throbbing clit. Seconds go by, several hinting moans of dissatisfaction go by, but the Devil on your shoulder seems to have returned and is asking for more. A hip raise, that’s all. His tongue will be right where you want. 

What you got instead was a sharp bite on your already battered ass - Devil, hey, where did you go? “Behave.” He grunts against your pussy, and a fresh wave of arousal escapes you with a third finger making its way in. “Don’t like it? Too,” Smack! “Fucking.” Smack! “Bad.”

The last spank hit you hard, leaving your cunt soaked to the core. He is trying to get a rise out of you, and you are falling for it. Your smarting skin is at its breaking point, but let’s not pretend like you don’t want this either. 

“Baby please, I’m so close.” You’re close to tears with how long you’ve been this turned on. Maybe Jimin will have a change of heart seeing you like this.

“Don’t.”

Well maybe not.

He’s using your hole like playdough - for his fancy, with no end goal in sight. He doesn’t seem to want you to come anytime soon and it is bothering you to no end. The tightening coil in your belly is almost painful at this point - but he doesn’t seem to want to let up anytime soon. 

“You taste so sweet baby, almost don’t want to let you come, so you keep dripping like this.” 

His fingers curl into you to hit that spot, and God, you’re seeing stars right now. Curling up your fists into a ball and trying to keep the threatening tsunami at bay, you jerk into his mouth and continue to sway to the tune his fingers play inside you. If desperation had a poster girl, they could take your photo right now.

“If you let me come I -ohhh- I will- I will give you more.” Your words are broken, every push into your cunt halting your flow of speech. 

A split second later you are empty. He’s pulled away from you, and you think the finger-fucking torture you were going through was almost better than this. Your walls flutter in empty anguish. 

“Better keep your promise then.” Finally, you hear Jimin shuffling behind, but your muscles feel too alive and too dead at the same time. At crossroads, you are unable to get yourself to move, to twist or turn and witness the glory of him, the scrunch of his features, the grit of his pronounced jaw, his lips heaving a sigh as he pushes his girthy self into your leaking hole. 

Jimin’s forehead is lined with sweat, jaws hurting from the tight clench he had trying to not nut into you too soon. Now they revolt in pain, ready to pass on their trouble to his dick and release into you the moment he fits himself in. But he held off; he had plans for you - long plans. 

As he slowly pulls himself out, you can’t help but mewl at the pleasure your walls are feeling, with every ridge of his cock pressing all the right spots inside you, the snug fit when he’s pulled out all the way only leaving the head inside you. Then, you can’t help but yell, expressing a mixture of anguish and pleasure when his hips snap to push into you in one swoop, hitting deep inside you. With your ass high up in the air, his balls smack your engorged bud, sending shockwaves throughout your body and clenching the hold you have on his dick.

“Fuck baby, you feel fucking tight. You’re so close?” Jimin’s voice is strained as well; the lack of mocking in his tone tells you he is close as well. 

“Ki-Kiss me, please.” The voice that leaves you is so foreign, so unknown. The fucked out woman speaking in your stance has no spatial or temporal comprehension. You don’t even realize how you are put on your back, now a lucky witness to Jimin’s nimble figure pushing back into you as he leaned over to slot his lips on yours. 

The kiss was explicit, it was rough, it would put to any kiss you’ve shared before to shame. Deep in throes of pleasure, his mouth is chasing yours. Your hands are still bound; a light fight against the restrain tells you you don’t have a chance. Instead, you suck his plush lip in, swiping your tongue across his cherry petals that are rushing with blood because of you. Dormant volcanoes across the world could erupt with the blaze of your merging lips, it is scorching hot. 

If Jimin is a color, he is a rich wine - deep and passionate. He puts his one hundred percent into whatever he does, be it skilled singing, adept dancing or simply fervent kissing. He gives it his all.

Jimin’s skillful hips move in every way he wishes - and your pussy is thankful for that. Rolling in deep, he tests the stretch of your walls, before pistoning into you with zeroed-in precision, sole focus to get you to come with him. The effort he was putting in could be seen in his abs - they have tightened with exertion, and with a light sheen on sweat, look absolutely delectable. 

Letting your hands roam, you bring Jimin’s face into your neck where you can hear every single breath, every hiss, every groan - that you could record and keep in your memory. With one hand tugging his tresses, and the other hand drawing paths on his back with your nails, you hear the sounds you want to. Jimin sharply bites your ear, and the shockwaves of pleasure send you tipping. 

There’s layers to the pleasure you are experiencing right now, your orgasm hitting you in ebbs and flows. Right when you think you can finally return back to ground, the high tide pulls you back into the water for another stream of pleasure. It feels like eternity when you finally hit the land, and even then the loose sand makes you falter, threatens to send you back into the ocean.

Jimin’s pace is faltering, and he spills soon after. Hot, heavy breaths tickle under your ear, as both of you feel the sheer intensity of the orgasm. Him on you, your hearts are aligned, and you can feel the beats fighting each other for dominance until they soften down. 

Ripples of energy flow out of the both of you, elevating the temperature around the two of you. If you didn’t have your eyes closed you’d say literal rolls of steam are emanating from the way you both are heaving. You slowly regain your senses, twitching hands trying to remember what it is that hands even do. 

A shiver runs through your spine when you hear a grunt so close to your ear, only to realize Jimin is in the same position as you are in. Even without looking, you can guess what his expression is. Void of any edge, the softness of his facial features must have made their return, with crinkled eyes and a light frown on his beautiful pouty lips, he probably looks like an innocent caricature of the man that stood behind you moments ago. Letting your palm rest on his head, you beckon him to get up.

If Jimin is a color, he is the pinkness best portrayed by his puffy cheeks at this moment. A childlike glow, a guileless visage. He looks at you with such adoration, like you are the only desire in his world, and everything else can be damned.

You don’t want to break this silence but you cheekily add, “You didn’t even get me naked. Like this a bit too much eh?”

Dark clouds mar the pink and turn it into a deep, sultry carmine - the shift in his color noticeably brings your temperature down by a few degrees.

“Cute. You think I’m done with you.”

He is the whole palette, and you can pick your filter.

Thank you for making it to the end! Let me know what you think! And you can find more of my writing at my masterlist here!

#bangtansorciere #bangtanhq #bangtancentralstation #ficswithluv #bangtaninn #bts smut #jimin smut #park jimin smut #bts fanfic #jimin fanfic #bangtanuniversity

[shedobewritingalittle]

From the Dining Table

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader, Sam Wilson x Reader

Summary: Sam decided to visit the Reader and her daughter in the months following Steve’s death.

Word Count: 2k

Rating: T

Warnings: a child, mentions of infertility, mentions of a miscarriage, talks of pregnancy, mentions of loss, death, feelings of loneliness, depression, grief

Y/N looked exhausted.

Sam watched from his seat at the kitchen island as she bounced the crying infant in her arms, trying to soothe little Sarah Rogers. The bundle of pink was screaming her, upset at everyone and everything. Y/N smiled at him apologetically, holding her child with one arm while the other went to work grabbing a bottle from the fridge.

"I don't know if you can tell, but I wasn't her favorite parent." Y/N tells Sam, only joking slightly as she pops the lid off the bottle with one hand. She cradles her daughter carefully before giving her the bottle, silencing her cries. A smile stretches across her face, happy that her child's cries had stopped.

Y/N had been dealt a bad hand by the universe.

Steve and Y/N had tried for years to have a baby. Both of them had desperately wanted a family, wanted some slice of normalcy in their lives. At first, in that first year they were married, it had been fun, playing that guessing game each month. They weren't seriously trying then, just letting whatever happen to happen. Then as one year turned into two, they got a little more serious about the whole thing. Both of them did everything they needed to do-they got tested to make sure everything was working right, did everything the doctor told them to do. Dozens of false positive pregnancy tests had plagued them in those first two years, constantly getting their hopes up old to rip that all away. Trying in the third year was halted by the Sokovia Accords and the team fighting each other. Y/N and Steve both thought it would be a bad idea to try to have a child while they were on the run, so they stopped their efforts. The fourth year had brought heartbreak when Y/N had actually gotten pregnant for the first time, but lost the baby before she was twelve weeks along. They tried a few times in the fifth year, months after Thanos had snapped his fingers and wiped out half of the galaxy. It had felt wrong though, to be trying to bring life into the universe when so much loss had just occurred. In the span of the five years that everyone was gone, Y/N had been told she was infertile. She just had to grin and bear it, helping Pepper and Tony take care of Morgan whenever they asked. Steve and her just sort of gave up, not wanting to deal with all of the heartache for the rest of their lives.

It was towards the end of their ninth year of marriage, their ninth year of trying to have a baby, someone smiled down upon them. As an early Christmas gift, Steve and Y/N received a positive pregnancy test. They were incredibly cautious, doing everything to the 'T' to make sure that they child would be okay. And in August, Y/N gave birth to a beautiful baby girl- Sarah Rose Rogers, named Sarah after Steve's mother. Things were great until October, when they had to fight against Thanos one last time to make things right and Steve decided he would much rather go back in time to be with Peggy, coming back an elderly man.

He died a few months later, right after his daughter turned five months old.

"How are you doing?" Sam asks quietly, not wanting to disturb the hungry child. Y/N sighed softly, looking up. She had deep dark circles under her eyes, clearly showing that she hadn't been getting much sleep. Her cheeks didn't look as full, making Sam wonder if she wasn't eating.

"I'm surviving. It's definitely difficult, trying to balance everything." Y/N replies, her eyes glancing back down at her daughter, "It's-Everything is all new to me. Most of the time I think I'm doing everything wrong."

"When was the last time you slept?" He questions, shifting on the bar stool. Sam felt guilty. Steve had asked both him and Bucky to look after his wife and child, to make sure that they were doing okay without him. Sam hadn't. He had other things to deal with-such as trying to readjust to this new world and talking to his family-so checking on Y/N had slipped his mind. Yet as he looks at her, taking in every little detail, Sam knows that he should've been calling her more, should've talked to her more.

"I can't sleep." She answers honestly, leaving out the 'without him' that was sitting on the tip of her tongue. Y/N had been so used to sleeping next to Steve that she had found it almost impossible to sleep without him. She fights the urge to yawn as she continues, "Besides, it gives me time to take care of things around the house. There's always a ton of laundry to do and I have work -"

"Woah woah hold on, you're supposed to be on leave, Y/N." Sam announces, raising an eyebrow at her. Y/N continues to feed her daughter as she glances up at him, her lips pressed tightly together.

"I'm not going to sit here and twiddle my thumbs, Sammy. I-I need to keep myself busy." Y/N replies, her voice wavering. She withholds the words that want to follow. I don't want to think about him. Sam turns his head, his eyes landing on a box sitting in the table that sat in the kitchen. A layer had dust had gathered on top of it. It probably hasn't been touched since it had been placed on top of the table. Written across the side of the box in black ink was PICTURES + RIBBON BANNERS. Things from the funeral, he realizes, left in the box to collect dust.

"Are you going to therapy? Like we talked about?" Sam questions, his voice a lot softer, like he's talking to a child. Y/N's shoulders seemed to slump and her mood starts to sour. She looks down at her daughter, who is blissfully unaware of what's happening around her. When Sam asked if he could come over, she should have assumed that he was going to act like this but she didn't. Y/N had thought he was just coming over to visit, but then again that should've raised some alarm. Like everyone else after Steve was put in the ground, Sam had left to live his life. Y/N had to struggle with being a new mother and living without Steve all by herself. No one offered their help or checked in to see how she was doing. The only one who she talked to was Rhodey, but that's because they worked together.

"You thought about him didn't you? That's why you're here. Something reminded you of him and then you thought of me." Y/N replies, the emotions leaving her voice, "Because if you did care, you would've called or texted or something."

"Y/N-" He starts, but Y/N quickly cuts him off, pulling the now empty bottle away from her daughter's mouth. Sarah looks up at her mother, her little hands rubbing at her eyes. The baby shifted in her mother's arms, trying to get comfortable. Y/N carefully puts the bottle into the sink.

"No, no don't try to tell me that you came here on your own volition, Sam. You don't text me, you don't call, you don't try to talk to me for a few months and all of a sudden you want to drop in?" Y/N sighs, shaking her head, "I-I appreciate you coming here, I really do, but don't waltz in here suddenly concerned over me."

They stay silent for a moment. Sam knew she was right. He had kept himself busy and as the days passed by, Y/N and what she might be going through slipped from his mind. It wasn't until last week when he was asked by someone about how Y/N was doing. He knows that he should've been making sure she was okay. Y/N had been one of his closest friends before Thanos snapped his fingers. He had watched her and Steve's relationship blossom and bloom. Hell, he had been Steve's best man at their wedding. He should have been right there for Y/N, should have been her shoulder to cry on after Steve had been buried, should have helped her take care of Sarah, but he hadn't. He had decided to run away, leaving her behind, leaving her to reassemble the shattered pieces of her life by herself. Sam had gotten to move on with his life. Y/N couldn’t.

"I'm sorry. I know that should've called and made contact after the funeral. I know that I should've come by. I just..." Sam sighs, his eyes focused on her, "I didn't know what to say to you. I wanted to help, wanted to console you, but I-I just couldn't. I didn't know how to tell you that everything was going to be okay when I didn't know if it was going to be okay."

Y/N doesn't respond. Instead of looking at Sam, she casts her eyes on Sarah. The child yawns, stretching in her mother's arms. Sarah had her mother's eyes, but had her father's blonde hair. It shined softly in the light as the baby curled up against her mother. Sarah was all Y/N had left of Steve, her last reminder of how much she loved him. But as she looked at her sleepy daughter, she felt that familiar pang of heartache, the same one she would get every time she looked at Sarah because she was reminded that Steve had abandoned this sweet little baby, had abandoned Y/N to make a family with someone else, someone who probably didn't have to try for years to have a baby with him. Y/N wanted to direct all her anger towards Steve, but she had started to think about what things she might’ve done wrong, even though Y/N knew that there was nothing she could have changed to make Steve stay. He was the one who made that choice, he was the one who decided to leave, so he should be the one she was mad at, not herself.

"I-I've been doing everything I'm supposed to be doing. I go to therapy. I take my pills. I started working again so I have some sort of normalcy. I make sure Sarah is okay, I try to be the best mom I can be for her. I do everything I am supposed to do and still-I still feel bad. I feel so fucking bad all the time, Sammy." She suddenly announces, tears starting to pool in her eyes. Sam can feel his heart splinter in his chest as she continues, "I just-I don't understand why he left. He-He told me that he loved me every day and that he loved Sarah and I just....Why would he leave us?"

Sam didn't know how to respond to any of that. He didn't have an answer for her. He didn't know why Steve would leave his family. The whole situation confused him as well and left him with a bad taste in his mouth. The man who he had thought Steve was, that man wouldn't have just up and abandon his wife and infant daughter. No, that man would happy, over the fucking moon that he had a family. The Steve Sam knew wouldn't have left behind his wife and child to make a family with someone else, with someone who already lived a good life. Sam didn't understand what could have happened in those five years that would make Steve do that.

Instead of saying anything, he stood up and walked around the island. Sam carefully pulled her into his arms, making sure sweet little Sarah didn't get squished in between them. The infant looked up at him, probably wondering who the hell he was. Sam held the two of them in his arms as Y/N cried, her shoulders shaking with her sobs. Her child rested in her arms, completely unaware of what was going on.

#sam wilson x reader #sam wilson #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #captain america x reader #chris evans x reader #anthony mackie x reader #tfatws

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here! / Part 11 Here! / Part 12 Here! / Part 13 Here! / Part 14 Here! / Part 15 Here! / Part 16 Here! / Part 17 Here! / Part 18 Here! < This is Part 19!>

Donate to Move to Higher Ground HERE!

Song Here- (X)

Big thanks to @imdoingathingmom​ and @bbibbisan​ for doing a sensitivity read! 

* This could be worse, you remind yourself as you feed your deer

* Much, much worse

* “How much am I supposed to give them?” The tall, ebony colored man says from beside you, his bright red eyes seem to glow under the pale moonlight

* “Um.. for that one, you can feed it as much kale as you want, but be careful James, he’s kinda insatiable. He’ll eat your clothes if you give him the chance”

* James nods, tearing the kale in careful ribbons.

* He smiles when the deer eats right out of his palm.

* You’re not going to lie, you were 100% surprised when the blond turned out to be Laurent and the black guy was James

* You were even more surprised when he asked if he could help you feed your animals

* You watch him smile as he gives the deer a gentle pat, feeding it more kale

* Yeah, you’re having a hard time believing the teddy bear in front of you is some psychopath tracker

* The story went that while you and Edward were out, the coven decided to play some baseball up in the mountains, and the sound caught their attention as they were passing through

* Apparently this was a fast friends situation, because Carlisle and Laurent have been reminiscing about their geezer pre-colonialism days

* You look to the house, you can see Edward’s inside from the window, his eyes meet yours and he gives you a small smile

* Well that seems hopeful

* “I used to take animals before I turned” James’s deep voice calls you back to the situation at hand

* “Oh were you a farm hand?” You’re peeling an orange, which Henrietta the third is already licking at impatiently

* “Um, not quite, I was a slave”

* You stop peeling the orange

* James tells you his story- he was a third generation slave, fathered from the master, his mother passed away shortly after his birth

* “I was lucky- in a sense, the master -my father- he was a superstitious man, and my mother- she had a reputation”

* His mother was a slave in name only, was what he told you. She was more of a mistress or a concubine.

* “At least that’s what they said, Though I’m not sure how much of that is true, I’m fairly certain she didn’t enjoy being with him. She was just trying to survive”

* His mother had been ostracized, even amongst others like them, but not because of her social position in the household

* “They thought she was a witch,” he admitted. “Bad things happened to people who wronged her, and good things happened to those who helped her”

* That sounds like Alec and Jane

* “When she was on her death bed, she laid a “curse” on the owner of the plantation, that if I wasn’t taken care of she would haunt him and bring misfortune on the entire family for several generations”

* And so, James became the unfavorable third son of the Pickett family.

* “I had many opportunities from her sacrifice, I learned to read and write, but I was more or less shunned from the house- both by my family and by the other slaves”

* It was lonely, almost painful.

* “But there was one thing, a ray of light-“ his eyes flit towards the window, and you follow his gaze to the red haired woman in the green chair

* “Victoria, she was my eldest brothers fiancé”

* The youngest daughter of the wealthiest man in town, from the outside she was a blossoming socialite

* The most beautiful girl in town

* But behind closed doors...

* Victoria was the product of an affair, a mistresses child, reluctantly brought into the household when her mother passed

* “She had big dreams, she loved to read, she yearned to study, to educate herself, to use her mind”

* And so, two lost souls found each other

* “Our family would never have allowed it. So we decided to run away together” he smiles, but it’s bitter.

* They claimed he had abducted her, perhaps to save face, and sent slave catchers to find them.

* “I’m not quite sure what happened-I remember being shot and telling Victoria to go in without me- all I ever wanted was for her to be happy.”

* This is heartbreaking

* “When I woke up, Laurent was there, and my throat burned”

* So Laurent had been with them for all that time, he was their creator

* “Afterwards the three of us worked in ‘the underground railroad’ helping slaves to the north where they could be free”

* “I’m thankful to him, for saving us, we wouldn’t have been able to be in a world where we could be together if it weren’t for him-“

* “But you wonder what the trade off is” you finish and he nods

* No longer human

* Purpose only lasts so long in this life, after all human life only has meaning because you know one day it will end

* “I found a penchant for tracking, it turns out what they said about my mother might have held some truth”

* James calls it “extreme luck”, there’s no other word for his gift.

* If he’s looking for something - or someone- it’ll inevitably find him through pure luck. Like the world bends to his will

* But it only works with finding things

* “These days we work as bounty hunters, and we only feed from people beyond redemption”

* Murder and rapists it sounds like

* “I didn’t know there was another way”

* “That’s understandable, I didn’t know either until I met Carlisle” he looks at you with kind eyes, and so with a deep breath you tell him your story

* About the Volturi, your parents, Alec and Jane-

* “I think you would like them, they’re a little off putting at first, but they warm up pretty fast”

* “Like cats” he says

* “Like cats” you agree

* You tell him about meeting Carlisle, how he saved you,

* how Eleazer gave you a home and a family,

* and about Edward, who gave you a chance to live

* Not just to survive, but to truly live

* “We’re not so different you and I” James says with a smile, and you mirror his expression

* “No we aren’t”

* Though of course you wouldn’t compare the relatively privileged life you had to his

* But the loneliness you both experienced is not all that different

* The tie that binds you all

* And then you do something you’ve never done before

* “You know, I don’t belong to this coven, not really” it’s the first time you’ve admitted it to anyone

* “Oh?”

* “My coven is in Denali, they have a permanent settlement there, and they follow the er... same alternative lifestyle”

* He laughs

* “I’m sure they would love two or three more, we’ve got like thirteen spare rooms in that house”

* You still remember the antiquated scooby Doo mansion-esque hallways filled with armor and swords

* He looks at you for a long time, but it doesn’t make you uncomfortable

* “I won’t follow another leader”

* You nod, that’s understandable.

* Laurent created them, and it seems he’s happy with their current lifestyle, they won’t betray him

* “Not unless it’s you”

* ........

* What?!?!

* “M-me?” You sputter, your orange peel filled hand clutching your chest

* “Why would you want to follow me? I’m only nineteen years old- I don’t even have a high school degree yet!”

* He laughs at your panicked expression

* “You know that doesn’t matter to our kind,” his eyes twinkle as he looks at you.

* “Call it witchcraft if you like, but you’re going to accomplish great things, I can feel it deep in my bones”

* Garrett had said the same thing, but the way James says it-

* You really believe it.

* He doesn’t want anything from you you, not a kiss or a date-

* He just wants to be your friend, to be apart of your vision

* Whatever it may be

* “Here’s my card-“

* He holds out his business card to you, unlike Garett’s it’s a cheap cardboard white with his profession and number on the front

* “If you ever find yourself in need of someone to help with your animals, let me know”

* You nod, taking his card in your hands

* “Um there’s one more thing I could use your help with-“

* He points to the large window, right at Alice

* “I know that girl but she doesn’t seem to know me.”

* “Well how does that work”

* He tells you how many years ago, a woman was looking for her sister.

* “It was a bit of a Cinderella story”

* The woman’s father had remarried quickly after his wife’s death, and the step mother had sent his children away. The younger sibling, his client, was lucky and was sent to a relative.

* But the older, who had suspected something amiss had happened to her mother, was sent to a mental asylum

* “You know me, I find things, it’s my gift.”

* But when he found the girl, she was no longer human. Already turned.

* “I tried to approach her, but she didn’t seem to remember anything”

* “Alice doesn’t have any of her memories from before she turned, she woke up in the woods all alone”

* The only thing guiding her were her visions.

* James nods solemnly

* “Should I...should I tell her?”

* You look to Alice.

* She’s smiling at something Victoria said.

* How many nights has she spent wondering who she really was, feeling so happy she had a family and a partner, but wondering if she left someone behind

* How would she feel when she found out?

* “I think you should tell her.”

* If it was you, even if it hurt, you would want to know

* James nods

* “Okay”

* You walk inside together, and immediately look to Edward

* Your own personal vampire lie detector

* “He did lie about one thing-“ Edward tells you once James pulls Alice aside.

* Was he actually tracking Alice to hunt her?

* Your heart drops at the thought

* “His mother didn’t die from natural causes, she committed suicide because she knew it would secure his future” Edward tells you with a somber expression.

* “He just didn’t want you to feel bad”

* You smile and nod.

* What a strong person, you can’t even imagine

* Edward pulls you into his arms, placing a soft kiss in your hair

* You feel bitter sweet about the whole thing

* Especially as you watch them leave in the morning, right before you’re going to head off to school

* Jasper is holding Alice who seems vulnerable, but relieved

* They’re leaving so soon, you didn’t even get a chance to get to talk to Victoria or Laurent

* You watch James stand next to Victoria, they’re talking to Carlisle.

* They’re not even touching, but you can feel the intimacy radiate off of them

* You wonder if maybe you and Edward might get to be that close one day

* James meets your gaze and smiles

* “I’ll see you around sometime leader!” He calls out, earning confused looks from your coven and his

* You smile back and give him a nod

* You’re still not sure what your future holds

* But you know you wouldn’t have gotten this far if it weren’t for the kindness of others

* You want to make them proud

* And then in a gust of wind, he’s gone

* They all are

* “See, I didn’t commit murder or anything, I told you things were different” Edward says with a teasing smile

* You roll your eyes and lightly shove him while he just laughs

* He’s right though, that was different

* “Enough flirting kids, you’re going to be late for school, and I really don’t want to deal with that dick in the front office acting all high and mighty because they think I can’t control my children” Esme yells

* School?

* Oh sh*t you didn’t do your homework

* “Edward-“

* “I’ll drive and tell you the answers on the way there” he says catching the keys you toss to him

* “It’s the-“

* “The Trig homework, I know. It’s your worst subject”

* Well you do struggle with trig quite a bit

* “Though to be fair you’re pretty terrible at all of them”

* He barks laughing when you shove him before getting into the car through the passenger side

* Carlisle and Esme watch you from the doorstep

* “They’re so good together-“ Esme starts

* “I know, I never thought our Edward would look at anyone like that”

* Carlisle and Esme exchange a look

* Before you came around-

* Well it wasn’t bad, but he certainly didn’t look like that.

* And he never smiled like that either

* Immortality had hardened him, made him into a man

* But with you-

* Well, with you he looks just like a boy

* A boy in love for the first time

* “I wonder what kind of children they might have had” Esme wonders with a small grin

* Him, with his ability to read minds, and you with that positively monstrous power of yours

* Any number of possibilities is possible

* “Best not to think of such things” Carlisle murmurs

* Though you two may be together for eternity, with the endless options, you’ll never have that.

* Esme nods

* “I’m late to get to the hospital, surgery this morning” he mumbles kissing her on the cheek before walking to the car

* She watches him go, his sleek white Volvo disappearing down the road before looking up to the sky

* “What a shame, I would have liked a cute grandchild or two running around” she mumbles to herself before turning to go inside

* “Entertaining always leaves me exhausted, guess I’ll give my employees the day off”

Tags:  @moonlights27​ @thebluetint​ @the100thtwilight​ @awesomebooklover17​ @oneofthepotterheads​ @smileygirl08​ @imdoingathingmom​ @iconicgguk​ @yrawn​ @alyciaswhore​ @little-horror-show​ @wicked-watering-can​ @lazydreamers​ @ xxxmuxxx @ideas-for-you-to-adopt​​​ @poisoinedhope @maryleigh8796​​ @moose-squirrel-asstiel​​ @hotmessgoodness​ @jaimewho​ @corabmarie​ @what-am-i-doing10​ @alluring-venus​ @imdoingathingmom @anotheryooniverse​ @im-tired-not-sleepy​ @emmettcullenisahimbo​ @my-super-musical-life​ @smolvampiregirl​ @it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream​ @mihikaahujaaa @werewolflover3252​ @teenagezombiekryptonite @shynz​ @reclusive-chicken-nugget​ @monkeyluver4546 @wonhomarshmallow​ @bwbatta​

#twilight imagine #twilight headcanon #twilight reader insert #twilight fanfiction #twilight saga #twilight #edward cullen imagine #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen headcanon #edward cullen fanfiction #midnight sun #superhero-imagines

[sinligh]

I don’t know how to accept acts of kindness from people that I don’t trust to be kind to me And I only trust few…

Sometimes it feels like

“ I am just trying to keep my soul away so that it doesn't cling to something that loves today and goes away tomorrow.”

Other times, I know for sure that my rejection of kindness is only the reaction of leftover antibodies That were born in my body from past experience

—————- This reminds me so much of a case of Rh incompatibility that I studied… -Rhesus (Rh) factor is an inherited protein found on the surface of red blood cells

It was about a pregnant woman with Rh-negative blood and the baby in her womb has Rh-positive blood. During the birth of her first child and with crossing of blood the mothers immune system formed antibodies against the baby’s blood type. When the mother got pregnant again, with another Rh-positive blood type baby the antibodies that she formed crossed back through the placenta and destroyed the baby's circulating red blood cells. —————-

Long story short,

maybe i will forever have antibodies against kindness, even when it’s growing inside me.

Like I’m set to believe that “kindness is weakness”

“I think I've come to terms with the fact that there will always be ribbon of loneliness running through who I am.”

And i accept it; As a cost for always trying to protect myself. Or whatever I found from it And prefer to keep even when it’s exhausting me even when existing is exhausting me

And even when I know that

“ Existence is violent, I exist, therefore I'm violent.”

I’ll always protect myself.

•••

Quotes: Khalil Gibran/ Jenny Slate/Halsey/Huey P. Newton

original context: Sinligh

Art reference:

1: The Mothers, 1921-22 – Kathe Kollwitz. 2: romeo and juliet by sergio cupido. 3: Newly Born Babe by Ghislaine Howard. 4: June in Bed by Patrick George. 5: Art by Fernando Vicente. 6: paintings by edward hopper. 7: target & revenge by iness rychlik

#sinligh poem #quotes #dark academia #beautiful #quoteoftheday #art #reading #bookblr #books #classic literature #classic painting #oilincanvas #khalil gibran #jenny slate #huey p newton #writer academia #dark aesthetic #aesthetic #dark art #romantic academia #kindness #i wrote something! #med student #medical studyblr #med stuff #pregnancy #birth #studyblr #literature #halsey

[extremelyblackandwhite]

illicit affairs

pairing: sheriff lee bodecker x younger! reader

warnings: smut (18+), cheating, age gap

a/n: i love perfumes which smell of daisies so i made the reader use something like that. i do imagine her going for a very much female appearance and aura despite her personality and i can see lee fancying that sort of fragile femininity look paired with her independency. this song is based of illicit affairs from taylor swift but i was also listening to all too well at some points so i think some of that passed onto the writing. hope you enjoy xx

> DRESS

Leave the perfume on the self that you picked up just for him so you leave no trace behind like you don’t even exist. Take the words for what they are a dwindling, mercurial high, a drug that only worked the first few hundred times ... And you wanna scream don’t call me “kid”, don’t call me “baby”, look at this idiotic fool that you made me. You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else. And you know damn well for you I would ruin myself a million little times ...

The snow settled onto the ground, a view she could see from her white window. Sprawled against her window pane, the blue soft fabric of her dress cascaded down her body as she watched the snow fall and become one with the mass of white covering the once green grass of her home. Her feet dangled in anticipation, hair cascading into hairdresser set curls, held away from her face with a pearl barrette. Her fingers dangled across her collarbones, feeling the cold matching pearls which unlike her barrette clip, had been offered to her by Lee on thanksgiving. “A pretty girl like you deserves her own pearls” his voice echoed in her mind whenever her feeling felt the smooth irregular circle shapes of the pearls laying against her collarbones. There was nothing more than she wanted than to wear those pearls to the police winter ball, to show up wearing something he had bought for her with what money he gathered from his fickle Captain position, but she couldn’t. Everyone knew what she had, what jewellery she had, it was all valued at the insurance centre downtown and the pearl necklace definitely wasn’t. Her own pearls rested inside her ivory jewellery box along with the ribbon she was wearing around her waist when she first kissed him, and the comb that held her hair in place whenever she met him during windy nights. 

Her grandmother had left before her, leaving with the grocery shop owner as her date for the ball but she had stayed behind. She had told her she’d rather go alone, blaming her loneliness on the fact all the boys her age were either engaged thus going with their wives and the single ones not wanting to do with her. Of course that was further from the truth and as she watched the snow fall, she imagined Lee’s cruiser driving through the snow, stopping in front of her home and knocking on her door to take her. But those were nothing but impossible scenarios created from the deepest part of her psyche. Looking over her shoulder, the clock on her bedside table shone 9PM into bold red letters. She should get going before her grandmother got worried. Her eyes lingered across her beauty parlour to the silver platter with her perfume, the one she’d picked just for him after hearing how much he loved the smell of daisies. She had to leave it, she couldn’t put any perfume on, she couldn’t take her pearls, she doesn’t exist. At least, she as Lee’s lover does not exist for all that everyone could know and nothing hurt more than the sound of her pearls returning to her ivory box. It was were they belonged, away from everyone, hidden, a mysterious sin secret. 

With her white fur wrapped around her arms, she entered her glossy yet dull red car, pulling the hood up despite the weather. She wanted to feel the cold, she wanted that numbness to hide what she had been feeling for the last months. It was all so exhilarating when it began; the summer walks, laying in the middle of the forest in an old towel as he feed her ripe strawberries, escaping from her grandmother’s house at night and meeting him up under the apple tree in light dresses. However, at time wind down, she started to crave the rest of a relationship, the holding of hands. Instead what she got was clandestine meetings in parking lots, behind the bars or in the middle of the forest when no one could see them. She constantly told herself it was going to eventually be her turn, he was gonna leave Jane for her. Yet, she seemed to constantly fall on the same error every mistress before her did, the mistake of forgetting her place. Stopping in front of the old town hall where the ball was being held, she could see the soft lights, hear the laughter and it made her sick. She didn’t want to go in, she didn’t want to see those happy couples but she had too. She had to put up a show, be the little pedestal trouble starter woman she was expected to be and so she would. 

Stepping into the hall, her eyes immediately found Lee in the corner speaking with the Sheriff, arm draped over Jane’s shoulder while the other hand held a clear cup probably with his favourite drink. Her heart sunk to the same place it always did as she got lost in the dance floor. She knew everyone in this town hall, from the first boy she ever kissed Jonah and his third wife Elizabeth to Billy whom had been prom king with her. There was nothing new anymore and what once felt new and true was now anchoring her inside a fishbowl of images of her own mistakes and unfulfilled life needs. 

      - Hey, Y/N. - Billy called out for her attention. She held onto the fur wrapped around her for comfort as she prepared her facade of a happy girl at a happy party. - Your grandma told me you ain’t gotta a partner for tonight. Could’ve told me, I would’ve taken you. 

      - It’s ok, ain’t like I need a man. - she replied, almost angrily although he deserved no anger from her. - What’s the stage for? We’re getting a band tonight?

      - No, the new sheriff candidates announcing themselves tonight. Prepare for the blood bath. 

      - Sounds interesting. - she spoke out, her voice getting mumbled out as the mic’s sound hurt her and everyone else’s ear. The police chief stood there in his best attire, holding a small piece of papers, his fat thumbs hitting the mic to gather everyone’s attention. He already had their attention merely by wearing a cowboy’s hat with a formal suit. 

       - Now folks, we all now how much we gonna miss our good old Sheriff but it’s time to elect a new one. - his southern accent was pronounced, too pronounced, cartoonish even. Y/N remembered laughing as a child when she first heard him speak only to immediately shut up when her grandmother looked her way with a look which left room for no questions. She herself had barely developed an accent, her grandmother still very keen on instilling in her the education she herself had gotten. However, the longer she spent with Lee, the more it would sometimes slip; one or two words, nothing major. - Of course, Leroy is running again.

     - I don’t know why he tries. - Y/N whispered to Billy, concealed laughing smile behind her hand. 

     - You gotta admit it’s a good thing to imagine. Damned Leroy and his prostitutes running the town? We’d be forgotten by God.

     - We’re already forgotten by God. We were banished from the garden of Eden, don’t you remember? - she teased, always enjoying to toy around with the religion Knockemstiff was so hang up on. - We’re probably direct descendants. 

     - You ought to keep that mouth shut if you don’t wanna get in trouble. - he warned yet it went through deaf ears. Y/N liked stirring it, specially when it came to things which were so analytically flawed. 

The regular list of candidates continued to go from officers to common folk who all believed they could make the town better. At least that was all they said they wanted to get some votes but at the end of the day, they just wanted to control the town with an iron fist. Do what they wanted without anyone question it. She couldn’t blame it, humans are hardwired to go crazy for power and let it consume them so she just let it pass. She knew all the candidates, they were always the same. Leroy, Matthew, Edwards ... all the common ones, she even wondered why they kept announcing it. Those three competing for the sheriff position was as certain as the sun coming up each morning. 

      - The last candidate is our cap’tain Bodecker. - her head snapped to the stage as every sound seemed to dim until she was surrounded by pure silence. All she could hear was the buzz from her ears as she watched him climb up the stairs to the stage, shaking the chief’s hands. 

Everything seemed to be stuck in slow motion yet her mind was running faster than a shot bullet. The clapping was slow, everything was silent yet she could see their hands slowly clap and their lips moving in whispers. Her eyes roamed the crowd finding Jane right in front of the stage, looking up at him with adoration at the possible place she could possible hold; the sheriff’s wife. The slow motion ended with a loud crash and suddenly everything seemed just too fast. She ignored Billy’s pleas for her attention and moved straight to the small plastic tables covered in burgundy towels to make it look fancier where all the drinks and food were being held. One of her only friends from high school Mary was the one in charge, happily serving food and drinks to anyone who asked.

     - Hi Y/N. - she always looked like the perfect housewife and that was always what she wanted to be. Beautiful, bountiful blonde hair with a few flowers matching her pink dress. Despite it all, she was always nice to her even with their different life goals. 

     - Hey Mary. How’s Paul? I heard from rumours you two had quite a nice honeymoon. St.Louis, right? 

     - Yes. He booked us a nice honeymoon suite, it had flowers and those heart shaped beds and chocolates. It was real nice, I’m hoping to be pregnant soon. What about you? Your grandmother said you came alone. You could’ve told me, my brother would’ve taken you.

    - That’s alright, Mary. I don’t intend to stay for long ... Uhm, can I have a drink?

    - Of course. Sidecar, as per usual? 

    - I think I’ll just have a double cognac, please. Or maybe some gin ... whatever can make me dizzy the fastest.

    - Everything, okay?

    - Just need to forget some stuff, it’ll be okay. - she forced a smile. At least half that phrase was true. Mary served her up with her best gin and she returned to the dance floor, trying to blend with the rest of the attendees, however her baby blue dress was much too different from anything else in town. 

Y/N thought she’d be best outside where no one could see her and so she left, avoiding Billy who kept asking for her. She leaned against the old wood of the town hall, mascara running down her cheeks, and gin glass on the other one. She looked like the perfect warning tale of why you should not mess her married men. She knew better, she knew so much better but she still did it, like the idiotic little fool she seemed to be. Y/N sighed, the air condensing in the air as she drank from the glass.

     - Pull yourself together, Y/N. - she looked to see side, her grandmother standing outside with the look she used to give her when Y/N embarrassed her as a little girl. - What did you expect?

     - I’m just not having a good day, nana.

     - You’re hanging around with Captain Bodecker that’s what you’re doing.

     - What?

     - Don’t play innocent with me, Y/N. You’re just like your mother and I’ve raised your mother so I’d know. I saw you leave in his car last week. Do you want to defend yourself?

     - Is it even worth it? - she took a sip out of her drink. - What do you want me to say? 

     - I want you to pull yourself together and go inside. You better have this finished off before those elections start. I will not have my granddaughter be a home wrecker.

Y/N ignored it. There was nothing her grandmother could say that hurt more than what she was already feeling. She watched the snow fall from the cover of the banner covering the town hall, cold and icy yet somehow warmer than her. The drink didn’t last forever and although it was much stronger than what she was used to, she didn’t feel the slightest bit dizzy. It was if the universe was punishing her for her choices. She shook her head, leaving the glass onto one of the windows. She’d be better off at home and she’d already made her appearance. If someone asked where she was, she could’ve blamed it on their drunkness. Opening her little clutch, she started fishing for her keys through a sea of change, makeup and receipts. 

    - You better not be thinking of driving after you just drank. - she turned her head to see Lee with his hands on his waist, playfully smiling at her. His smile faded as he noticed the streaks of mascara from her eyes to her jaw. - Did that shithead Billy say something? 

     - No ... Lee, I wanna go home okay. - she sighed. - Can you just pretend you didn’t see me drink?

     - I was hoping we could spend the night together. Rent a hotel room outside town. A real nice place, with a pool and some room service. My treat of course.

     - I ... We can’t, Lee. Your wife is inside as she’s gonna notice you’re not there and you’re not home. 

     - She’s going home early. Jane’s been taking a few sleeping pills. She’s down for the night, won’t even notice. - he took a few steps closer to her, knowing everyone was too drunk to even remember. - I was waiting for you to come greet me, congratulate me. I can’t believe my girl wanted to leave before showing me how pretty she looked. 

     - You didn’t tell me you were running for Sheriff. - he cupped her face, thumb caressing her cheek. - You said it was a silly position.

     - Yeah but ... it’s a Sheriff. I could become Mayor, ya know. The old sheriff thinks I’d be good for it. - he scratched the back of his neck, something he always did whenever he was nervous or was confronted by something he did not expect. Y/N had learned to read him and knew him better than her own favourite books. - C’mon, kid. It’s a night worth celebrating, don’t you think?

     - Don’t call me kid. - she shot her head his way, his word hitting a particular hurt spot which she didn’t realise she had. 

     - Hey, I’m not trying to mock ya. - he rose his hands. - What’s wrong, huh baby? Hm? Tell me sugar, I hate it when you’re upset. Besides, if it was that Billy kid I’ve been wanting to give him a good beating.

    - Don’t call me baby, either. - she sighed, throwing her purse inside the car, before turning to him. - Billy didn’t do anything I’m just ... tired.

    - I’ll drive you home, then.

    - I don’t wanna go home either. - she pushed her hair from her forehead, looking at the ground. The snow engulfed her feet and her shoes, yet it might as well have engulfed her entire being. Lee noticed her lip trembling and how her free hand was trying to stop tears from falling down. He looked behind him, the town hall door shut, before taking his jacket off, draping it over her shoulders, and opening the car door for her. 

 Y/N daren’t look him in the eye, instead sitting in the passenger seat as he pushed the hood of her car up. After all, most people did not enjoy driving in the snow with the hood up. She didn’t know where he was taking her and for all it mattered she didn’t want to know. If he was driving her to her killing location, it sounded much better than having to work out through the bubbling feelings in her tummy. Y/N didn’t even noticed how much she was crying until the tears started streaming so fast they were falling onto the palms of her hands like diamond daggers. She leaned her head against his shoulder, watching the road ahead through the blurry orbs of her own eyes, trying to find some warmth through him. The drive seemed endless and her mind rushed in an even more endless way as she considered all her choices til now. She found it unbearable how not guilty she didn’t feel about it. She could still remember the feeling of the cold water against her body and his lips against hers, being tangled in his bed sheets while he drank a beer, his grunts as he thrusted into her inside his patrol car. She remembered every detail either it being lust or romantic but most importantly she remembered how he looked at her. It was almost as through rose coloured glasses, most of the times agreeing with her pessimist view of the town she was in. Lee looked down on her, watching her perfect hair break through the gelled curls she had set down. He never liked the polished look anyway, he loved to see her walk in her white dresses and freshly washed hair flowing with the wind. This woman sat next to him was gorgeous but he preferred his Y/N, he preferred the woman who would poke fun of casualty and rush into the woods with her nightgown. This woman next to him was pretty yes but she seemed tainted by a sadness he could see yet couldn’t help. He didn’t want his Y/N to be the slightest bit sad. She did not deserve it. She was too pure, too young to be consumed by the loneliness, darkness and sadness that came with being an adult. Yet again, he had to start learning the young woman she was wouldn’t stay young forever. He wanted to know how to help. he wanted to be the man who wakes up next to her on summer mornings and winter evenings but life is not how we plan it out to be.

She watched the snow fall from her window as “You are my sunshine” played on the background from her radio. Looking up to him, his eyes were glued to the road, the sign of leaving Knockemstiff way past them and the hotel on the horizon. She called it the Heartbreak hotel, with its red walls and luxurious nature. A more fancy place for those who wanted to give a better night to their mistresses but that was not why she called it the heartbreak hotel. It was due to the fact she ended up crying every time she or he left. While inside those walls, she could pretend they were Mr. and Mrs. Bodecker, young couple moved out of Knockemstiff on a romantic getaway yet she wasn’t Mrs. Bodecker, Jane was. She had seen who the future sheriff’s wife was and it was not and it would never be her. He stopped the car in the parking lot, looking at her who was lost in thought, leaned against his shoulder.

   - Come on, sugar. What is it? - Lee kissed the top of her head. - The heck happened in that Town Hall?

    - Just being silly, Lee. - she shook her head, faking a smile. - Just don’t like parties one bit.

    - I hate ‘em too, sugar. All show no action. Besides no party is a party without my baby. - he hooked his ring finger under her chin, softly pulling it up. She tried not to look at the moonlight illuminating the silver band around his finger, a symbol he belonged to someone else and she knew it. She had seen the wedding photo on his secretary, a much younger Lee with a much younger Jane with the facade of a happy marriage. Thinking about it always made her sick and ever since seeing that picture she couldn’t bring herself to do so. - Come on, let’s get you a bubble bath, yeah?

She followed him into the hotel almost in a zombie like state until the reception. The talk was a dance she had danced before, it was all the same. Lee would present money in cash so it wouldn’t show up on his credit card statement. He would sign in with a fake address but with his own name and no one would question it. After all, the staff wanted money, they didn’t care if it was an illicit affair or not. To be honest, she didn’t care much anymore.

     - Mrs. Bodecker? Mrs. Bodecker? - the receptionist called out to her but it didn’t even register until she was looking her into the eyes. Mrs. Bodecker, she was definitely not. - Would you like a complementary tea? You look cold.

     - No, it’s okay. - she smiled while Lee grabbed the keys. His hand wrapped itself around hers, leading her over to the elevator.

God, she wanted him. She really did, he thought to himself. It was an unbelievable feeling to have someone who loved him back, someone who always had encouraging words to tell him, someone who would stay after a fight. He thought and imagine what it would’ve been like if she was born earlier, god he would’ve courted her and would’ve married her the second they were out of high school. Sadly, the woman he loved was born 10 years after and he met her when he was married. He led her to the 13th hotel room and closed the door behind them.

     - Things are gonna be different when I’m sheriff. No more sneaking around, no one will dare  say a word. I can move to Brewer Heights, heck, I can buy two houses, one just for you and me.

    - Lee ...

    - Where are your pearls, sugar? You know I love to see you with them, makes you look so pretty.

    - You know I can’t wear them in public, Lee. I am not your ... - she shouldn’t say that, she should not let those words out. - They’re not insured under my name, people would comment about it.

     - You worry too much. - he pushed the fur that covered her arms down, placing a small kiss on her elbow. - My little over-thinker.

     - One of us has too, Captain Bodecker.

     - How about some champagne? - he pointed towards the champagne bottle in the ice bucket by the dresser before walking towards it, raising it so he could inspect the brand. He longed for the finest things in life, no longer wanting to be that middle to low class man he’d been forced to be. Being Sheriff, Mayor someday was going to be really something, it’d be his chance.

    - I’m not 21 yet, Captain.

    - Only a month til you are, kid. - he filled two long crystal flutes, handing it over to them. - By then I should stop calling you kid, huh?

    - You shouldn’t call me kid, now. - she took a sip of the golden liquid, hoping it would take away her jealousy. Lee hummed, leaned over to kiss the crock of her neck, climbing up to her jaw in a move that was sure to leave marks. It was okay for him to leave marks on her, she was unmarried, young but on him? Sometimes she wanted to, sometimes she wanted to mark his pale plump skin as a possession, one that screamed Jane might have the wedding ring but she had the man. Yet, she couldn’t. - You look so handsome tonight.

    - You’re my worse critic. - he smirked, placing his glass on the bedside table before pulling her chin towards him, placing a soft kiss on her plump, painted lips. - God, you can’t even imagine how fucking hard I got when you walked in.

    - Such gentle behaviour. - she teased, fingers lightly tracing the skin of his face. He moaned, leaning in to kiss her again. - I wore it just for you. Blue. I knw you like it.

    - You’re always such a good girl for me. - he started to remove his jacket, pushing on her chest lightly so she laid against the luxurious bed.

The alcohol sure did a better job than her about making her forget what she was doing it. The alcohol and his kiss, his touch on her skin made her forget the clench in her heart when she saw Jane Bodecker clap once they said his name. It made her forget she couldn’t hear perfume around him unless he showered, it made her forget. Both of her moaned through the kiss, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that it was a sin. Maybe that’s why it taste so sweet, the sin, the thrill. None of them cared really and all he wanted to do now was hold her, touch her, look at her.

    - You are so beautiful. - he spoke, more to himself than to her specifically, leaning down on the bed as he spread her legs, taking his place in between them which was so familiar to him. Lee ran his knuckles through the middle of her folds, cold hands making her shiver. - Ev’ry darn day I wake up and I think, I got myself the most beautiful woman in the world.

Her eyes were glued to the ceiling, the white paint of it engulfing her as his hands caressed her thighs. All she could feel were his cold hands massaging the skin of her thighs, spreading them apart and giving him full access to her. His lips attacked her core, always chapped which made her feel so good, it made her know it was him giving her that pleasure. She moaned out loud as he dwelled in like a starved man, her head relaxing against the pillow. There was never any mercy with him, he teased her like he owned her, focusing on her clit while licking her folds. He had her exactly where he wanted her - starving for him.

   - You’re gonna see. - he mumbled out while he relentlessly ate her out. - When I’m sheriff there will be no more hidin’. No one gonna dare say anythin’ about it.

   - Lee, please ... no foreplay. - she whined, begged even as he stopped his motions. His eyes curiously searched for hers, hands pulling his body up as he stood on top of her. - I just want to feel you.

   - Weren’t you feelin’ me, sugar?

   - You know what I mean, Lee. - she wrapped her hands around his neck, head cocked to the side. - I don’t want any foreplay today.

    - Oh sugar ... - he chuckled leaning down to kiss her collarbone. - You’re just a cock slut for me, aren’t ya? Can’t just wait for me to treat ya right ain’t it, baby?

     - Lee, please. - she whined, hands wavering over his police issued chunky belt. Lee smirked, holding her hand before she could do anything. Y/N pouted, head leaning against her shoulder. - C’mon.

   - But baby, you look so pretty when you’re begging. - he returned to kiss her neck, leaving marks which were sure to become hickeys tomorrow but she didn’t care. No one was going to see it. - I was expecting you to come congratulate me in the way you always do, maybe in the back of the town hall. Hoping someone would catch us so they’d see you’re my girl.

    -  Lee ... -  she whined as he kept kissing her neck and collarbones. - Please.

    - Tell me what you want, baby. You know I do everything you want. - he rose from her neck, toothy grin as he leaned down to kiss her plump, pink painted lips. - Tell me you want my big fat cock. I know you do, baby. Tell me how much you need it. 

  - Lee ... please, need you.

  - You have me, baby, tell me what you need. Tell me what you want. - his knuckles ran through the middle of her folds again. - You’re so wet, baby. Just tell me what you want, c’mon

  -  Lee ... please. - she looked at him with those wide eyes that could get someone to commit murder for her, as he pushed down his trousers. - I want you to fuck me with your ... big fat cock, Capitain. 

  - Oh, baby ... - he leaned his forehead against hers as he pushed his cock past her entrance, eyes shut tight  as he tried to keep himself sane at the mere feeling of her walls contracting against him. His lips found hers as he shed himself fully into her. Her hand searched for his, as Lee slowly rolled his hips against hers, basking in the mere high that was being inside of her. - You okay, baby? 

  - Yeah. ... fuck, move. - she whined as he removed himself from her and pushed back in, slowly starting to rock into her as he always did. The little tease. Her hand clenched his as he speed up his thrusts, lips returning to hers in a messy, moaned filled kiss. All she could hear was the sound of skin against skin and interrupted breathing. - Lee, fuck.

  - I know, baby. - he laughed, returning to kiss her the way he liked as her walls started to clench more forcefully against his member, milking him for all he was worth. His free hand grabbed her hip as he further sped up against her, bruising her skin as his breaths got more raggedy. He bite onto her neck as he felt his control over his own orgasm disappear. 

  - Lee, fuck! - she moaned, almost raising off the bed as her own orgasm washed over her. Her head fell against the pillow, sluggish as he continued to thrust into her until ropes and ropes of cum painted her walls. He chuckled mid grunt, holding her against him as he turned around in bed. 

  - You all fucked up, aren’t ya, sugar? - he kissed the top of her head. - You’re gonna see, sugar. Things are gonna be so much better.

  - Right ... - she cuddled against his chest. - Hm ... Lee can you drive me back home early on?

  - Early shift?

  - Yeah.

  - Okay, sugar.

The morning was a harsh breaker of dreamy hazes and just like that she was back to the place where she always was, in her home, surrounded by the scent of the perfume she had bought just for him. She sat on her dress, taking the necklace he had given her from the little mother of pearl seashell shaped box and holding them against her chest. She loved him, she really did. Some people had their downfalls and hers was painted onto her neck and held by her hands. He was her downfall. 

The sun was high up on the snowy midday in Knockemstiff and once again Lee had been resigned to desk duty after the Sheriff not taking it too lightly he decided to run without his permission. Normally he would’ve been upset but he knew, he knew he was close to winning and then he could throw away those stupid hotels and just get her a little house close to him. God, he couldn’t fucking wait.

    - Captain Bodecker, someone here for you. - his secretary knocked on his door. - Mary Gillies, sir. 

    - Mary Gillies? - he knew her to be a friend of Y/N’s, perhaps her only friend other than that punk Billy. - Send her in.

    - Good afternoon, captain. - she said as she walked into his office. - I’m so sorry to be bothering but Y/N ...

    - Is she alright? - he interrupted her.

    - Yes, well ...  - she rummaged through her bag to find a cushioned envelope with his name on it. - She told me to give you this.

   - What is it?

   - I don’t know, captain. I must get going, my husband is waiting for me.

   - Of course. Thank you, Mrs. Gillies.

He waited for the woman to be out of his office and for the door to be shut for him to open the envelope. The minute he opened the envelope, pearls fell into his desk, the same pearls he had given Y/N followed by a small note in the dusty pink stationary that normally laid on her dresser. Turning it around, he saw the words he’d been dreading to read or hear ever since he met her. I’m sorry, Lee. He threw the letter on his desk before getting up from his desk as fast as he could, ignoring the calls from his colleagues as he got into his cruiser. Damned, Brewer Heights, why couldn’t it be closer?

He approached her home fast and closed the door as fastly as he ran up to the door. Her hag of a grandmother was possibly at church and he had learned where they kept the spare key; behind a violet pot. His heart was beating as fast as a deer on a hunt as he climbed up the stairs and found the once filled room was empty, with only a perfume bottle on her empty dresser. He observed the whole room as if he were in a nightmare, sitting on her bed as he clenched the pearls he had given her not so long ago, the smell of daisies in the air as some song played on the still turned on radio.

You never know dear how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away ...

taglist: @lookiamtrying​ 

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