#something that people cant understand

[ghostly-cabbage]

We need to talk about the worst thing about making AUs....

The fact that then when you inevitably think about crossovers you don't want the crossover with the canon you want it with your specific AU. Your brain worms, your circus, but THEN WHAT?

Oh, yeah, to understand this crossover you need to go read this entirely different fic/series? Girl help 😭 you can't do that

#high-key this post is about the genrex x dp crossover I started way back when and how I don't think i'll ever be able to go back to it #bc fae and I have literally put such a massive amount of work into f.h:s and fleshing out the world and how everything works and #the characters personalities and development that I genuinely do not wanna write something in the canon universe anymore #like f.h:s has become my default way of thinking about Rex in a creative capacity #we're here just to suffer but also experience untold amounts of joy you know #we're really lucky here in the phandom bc fanon is so prevalent that people are willing to get in on the ground floor with any #wacky crazy fun hcs you can dish out #and i love it here for that #but for the smaller fandoms its... you cant expect your readers to already have an understanding of your specific au and bible length hcs #anyway #in a low-key way this post is also about how #last month Fae and i went insane for several days about our gen rex AU version of Rex ina crossover with Murderbot and it was so fun but al #It was just for fun and for us YES but I keep thinking about and it's objectively hilarious to write something that is for a max of 4 ppl #When you really get to it tho it was actually for a max of 2 people and those two people are named Kei and Fae

[slutdge]

"but mcr and green day mean so much to queer people!!!" wow thats sad, i hope the people in my community get better taste. still not punk music.

#internet poisoned people need to understand you having a personal connection to something doesnt mean you can redefine it #or that it cant be criticized #🐆

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hi! Your Hollow Knight AU has really cheered me up so I wanted to do a little drawing for it! This got me to get my art tablet out after months of not feeling like it so thank you for the inspiration! I hope the colors look good on any monitor that's not mine sdfsdf

Bugs In the Jingshi wyd?

I am so genuinely awestruck at how well you translated this AU to the hollow knight style! Also obsessed with the height difference.

#mdzs au #hollow knight #lan wangji #wei wuxian #fanart #Thank you so much for this B'*) #This is *so* incredible!! I feel incredibly honoured to have inspired something so beautiful! #I showed this asap to my friend who's been letting me observe their hollow knight playthrough and oh man oh man. The hype was real. #The colours have the Hollow Knight gloomy swag and the way that this looks like it could be an area in the game is soooooo good. #Thinking about the bug sounds they would make.....Peace and love on earth could be achieved with lwj hollowspeak.... #I hope you keep finding fun things to draw!! Your art has continuously brought a lot of joy! #I very much understand the pain and struggle of having a craft you just...cant seem to get your heart back into. #Sending you so much love and energy and artistic inspiration!!!! #(lwj has the wrong eye shape b/c I was too focused on getting the silly angle for dramatic perspective. whoops) #I have honestly loved doing this AU and I'm fiercely happy that its been resonating with people (as it makes me want to do more hehe)

[dayurno]

this is somewhat of a vent post & something i said i would not do again but has been plaguing me enough that i think getting it out might feel better. so. has anydoggy else been. Baffled and upset by nora sakavic’s refusal to speak on how terribly aftg has treated its characters of color? with the author of the series coming back with a new book and starting up on her online activity again, and questions of what she’d change about aftg bubbling up, it’s particularly glaring to me that we are all playing this very long game of pretend where we ignore how badly the non-white cast has been treated & her lack of thoughts on it

and i understand not wanting to bring up nicky and thea because people pick on her for it. i’m not trying to discredit nora sakavic’s terrible history of getting harrassed online by aftg fans. but i think it is very cynical, and it is very juvenile, and most of all very cruel, that she gets to ignore the very real ways the books have set up these characters to be hated. i think it’s obvious why the characters who get the most hate are the only canonical characters of color, and i think we do not get to treat this like a deliberate decision on the fandom’s part when the books have put these same characters in degrading and embarrassing and terrible positions in the first place. aftg is not a story about nice characters with clean pasts, but there is a very specific nastiness to the only characters of color being a brown man who sexually harasses and later assaults the main character, a black woman whose only scene is her lashing out at her love interest after being ignored for the first two books, and the japanese villain who gets maybe two lines of complexity before he goes back to being a terrible person. the white cast, in comparison, while not at all free from flaws, are never shown to commit mindless evil; all of their actions are ultimately justified. the book goes out of its way to give them concession after concession. we know exactly who to side with, because aftg tells us who these people are. does nicky’s assault ever get addressed in the books? does riko’s reasoning to be the way that he is ever gets more than briefly aluded to? is thea reserved even a shred of humanity or grace in her one scene?

anyway. it’s been years of talking about this and the fandom has been constantly hostile to criticism in this regard, and more recently any criticism at all, and it’s Grating to be on the other side of this discussion. it’s exhausting to know that in ten years we do not get even an acknowledgment besides the author saying she will not answer questions about nicky and thea anymore. it’s upsetting and it’s ugly and i wish no one had to talk about this again, but we do because what i thought was common sense has been washed away by a sudden influx of no-nuance adoration for the trilogy. basically i hope we all explode

two hours later edit: you're allowed to reblog this! sorry about the confusion

#this has been so upsetting to notice but 🥹whatever #there is a different kind of bitterness to thinking about how ten years have passed #and we are getting new content that changes and maybe even rectifies many of the ways we see and interact w aftg #and none of it not a bit of it addresses the racism #how it’s been ten years and the only thing we really get to show it is a book about a ship between two white men the fandom came up with #after seeing them be Suggested to interact in canon #i understand not wanting to hurt nora sakavics feelings by asking her about this #but imagine how tired we are. Imagine how tired we are #do you know how bad it feels to read through nicky’s worst moments in aftg #and know that he was written this way because he looks like me? #do you understand how exhausting it all is. can you imagine? #the fandom has been so quick to undo the criticism fans of colors have been making since day one #and for what. for what! my doves. for what? #have we come out of it any greater? have we done anything but lie to ourselves? #and anyway this is not some mindless pessimism #this is not me telling you that aftg is bad and you cant love it; cant have it mean anything to you #this is me saying that when we acknowledge these things it makes us better readers and better people #nora sakavic if you are reading this from whatever hellhole america you find yourself in #grabs you by the shoulders. This is not the end #this is not something to sit back and feel bad about #you have opened the floodgates of hell with tsc. kick the door in and release a revised version of aftg #there is a real material way for you to make this better. it is possible and it will not kill you #i would read a revised aftg. my mutuals would. many many many many fans would #making mistakes is not just a human right its a human inevitability #but we do not have to let ourselves get defined by them. We can do hard things #lets go of nora sakavics shoulders. anyway. where were we #aftg #txt #tsc

[autisticlancemcclain]

Could you explain your position on Shallura? Since Allura was established as a teenager when she started dating Lance and Shiro was very clearly an adult. I can understand the bi shiro headcannon but the shallura thing worries me

i am going to remind yall that i have been in this fandom since 2016. and in the early seasons, allura was not established as a teenager. in fact she was coded as older, as closer to shiro's age -- there was a specific divide between her and the younger paladins that she did not have with shiro. they made her younger (both explicitly and in mannerisms) as the show went on. and i do not give a fuck about voltron like...post s4 and i didn't even watch s7-8. so like. especially with older fics, im going to enjoy shallura.

#also this is less relevant and i was going to put it in the main post but i cant find the words for it #but i found your last sentence kind of condescending. “the shallura thing worries me” as if i am your little project and things arent going #to plan. as if you are the Knower Of All Things and i am straying from my path lol. twas odd #and this is a controversial thing to say i know it but like #we take fandom way too seriously. if someone decides in fic to make two characters the same age to ship them or whatever. do we really need #to get the torches and pitchforks. like i can understand discomfort when people ship like shiro and pidge or something but. also. i feel #like you can just block and move on?? like i dont ship sheith bc they are brothers. to me. but also i dont think sheithers should be #harassed or any dumb shit like that. i think its so so whatever like theyre Lines man theyre moving lines #at the same time i understand that peoples headcanons can be reflective of their worldviews (like when racism/transphobia/sexism shine #through someone's headcanons/characterization) but how much scrutiny is too much? when do we get to remember that fandom is a place to #work with the FICTIONAL? where you can change details without consequence? i saw a fic where keith was the older sibling and shiro was the #younger once. it was a good fic. how come we can play with ages but only when the Fandom Council approves? #i guess this is a really long and clumsy way to say like. you do not own the fandom nor do you get to dictate my work. and while there #is always room for necessary criticism please also think critically before you post your criticism #anyways #rant #ask

[atthebell-moved]

hi, i completely agree that the fandom has a problem with misogyny and often fails at self-introspection. my question is, do you have any resources/tips/thoughts on how to be better about it? even, how to recognize it in yourself the first place? "ok i'll stop being a misogynist now" is a lot easier said than done, especially for people who might not be that educated on the subject, and majority of the people in this fandom are quite young as well.

this is long as fuck and possibly somewhat incoherent bc it took so long to write but i did my best

my biggest tip for people who don't know much about misogyny is to look at your own behavior and learn how to clock what you're doing as sexist.

are you criticizing a female creator? think about why you're doing it, what the actual beef you have with them is. if it seems to be just a sense of discomfort or thinking they're annoying or overly loud or pushy, think about male ccs who act the same way and why you dont consider them annoying. are you annoyed with them for being on a male cc's stream? why? does it feel like theyre taking up too much attention? do you get annoyed with them for talking too much or flirting with guys? for gaming especially-- do you get annoyed with them for not knowing something or being "bad" at a game? think about why that is and why its just funny when a male cc is bad at games or doesnt know something.

a HUGE problem i see in this fandom is the Madonna-whore complex, repackaged as the little sister-racist dichotomy (kudos to @yourlittlemenace for that phrasing).

if a female cc is deemed to be "playing nice" (doesnt talk too much, is "nice", streams with male ccs but doesnt flirt with them, isn't "overtly sexual"), she's the little sister of the group. all the male ccs "protect" her, she literally folds their laundry, she doesnt call out how people treat her, and the fandom pretends that this is a normal and cool way to treat women who are public figures. this also goes for mom/big sister/etc. if you think you haven't done this, think about all the aus where you've forced puffy into some kind of maternal or sisterly role when it made no sense. then think about how pissed people got when she decided not to be the server therapist and was "mean" to Tommy (in lore, with permission. that she didnt even need to get. see that clip i rbed earlier from her podcast.)

if the fandom decides she doesnt play nice, if she flirts with male ccs too much or stands up for herself or points out how unfair it is that she's being treated this way, she gets demeaned, harassed, and shunned by the fandom. consider, again, puffy. consider how niki flirted with wilbur and talked about misogyny and got called a racist for *checks notes* "speaking to schlatt and fundy" and "not being a native english speaker". she got called a slut and a queerbaiter for kissing another woman despite being bisexual.

consider how hard people went down on hannah for having said the r slur several years back versus how hard they went on dream for the same thing. and how people dug it up as a direct response to her being on stream with dream. consider how every time hannah talks about how unfair it is that the mcc subreddit treats her like trash, she has to delete all her tweets bc they harass her to hell and back and act like she's an asshole for pointing out their hypocrisy.

the fandom doesnt do this across the board; i shouldnt have to say this, but its not an everyone versus no one issue. some people do this outright and loud, some dont seem to realize theyre doing it, and a few people dont do it at all (incredibly rare, i can count on one hand the number of people who genuinely seem to try to avoid these issues, which is why im complaining).

in terms of lore, have you ever once done analysis on a female character? why do you think you haven't? the bechdel-wallace test is an (imperfect) way of gauging how a piece of media ignores women and prioritizes men. think about the fact that there are FOUR female ccs on the DSMP and they are continually ignored in favor of male characters. consider that puffy and aimsey both talked about trying to do genuine lore and getting shafted, either because no one was online and wouldn't put in the effort to stream with them or because they received insane amounts of criticism for breaking anything on the server, despite the clear lack of "no griefing" rules and the precedent that you can blow other people's shit up (tommy leveling one of puffy's builds, amongst many other examples).

a quick thing about ships: have you ever wondered why m/m ships are so popular? the general consensus amongst people who care about feminism and are into fandom studies is that for a long period of time, m/m was hugely popular because women are so rarely written as full and complete characters in any media. so people took to engaging with m/m ships and writing about them because they were the most fulfilling relationships, and because misogyny led them to be predisposed to be uninterested in female characters.

say an m/m ship is incredibly popular, something like, i dunno, john watson and sherlock holmes from bbc sherlock. lets also say the canonical media presents one or both of the characters with a female love interest. how do you think a fandom that prioritizes m/m ships and is primed to be disinterested in women as characters (either because of our society's role in teaching people that women do not matter or because of fandom's history in assuming female characters are not fleshed out) is going to react? if you said theyre going to send undue amounts of criticism her way and act like its an act of homophobia to give a canonically straight character a female love interest, congrats, you've figured out a huge component in fandom misogyny. take this, amplify it over several decades, and add the psychic damage that supernatural gave society. queerbaiting is bad but mistreating female characters in service of nonexistent queer relationships is also bad.

this is relevant in general but i also believe its relevant for the dsmp because of the complete lack of m/f ships. aside from phil and kristin, who are literally married irl and kristin isn't even on the server, there are no m/f ships that involve female creators. this is not, despite what you may think, due to the inherently yaoi nature of minecraft roleplay. this is because the creators, including the male ones, are afraid of the blowback of m/f flirting and how fucking awful people are to female ccs anytime it happens. once again look at niki. as another example, consider how notfounders harassed the living daylights out of mxmtoon for flirting with gnf on twitter. if i was a cc i would avoid it like the plague too considering how happy people are to dig shit up about them or accuse them of being a slut or an attention whore/"pick me girl" for speaking to a man.

one last thing, this is more about fanart than anything else but stop drawing women to look like teenage boys. the amount of fanart i see where i literally cannot tell if someone has drawn niki or tommy is fucking insane. niki has curves. draw her with them. if you cannot draw women or people outside a very specific body type you cannot draw. fatphobia and misogyny have a clear overlap.

i cant think of anything else and ive already spent forever on this. look into feminist media analysis. think twice about how you react to female ccs & female characters. consider not just what characters have interesting stories but who is allowed to have interesting stories. you might be neglecting someone who has a lot going on because you're dismissing a female character as inherently less likely to be interesting. you might not even know someone has an interesting story because the fandom neglects it so completely.

as a final little note: like i said earlier, if you're not familiar with gender & sexuality studies, you may not know this, but homophobia and transphobia are rooted in misogyny. the idea that gender is immutable and rigid is because of the patriarchy. this is why gendered slurs are used against queer people and why queer men in particular get accused of and demeaned for being feminine. your understanding of queerphobia is incomplete without considering how sexism plays a role.

also go read everything rayne fisher-quann has ever written but especially this piece on getting woman'd and listen to you're wrong about

#asks #anons #misogyny in fandom #i cant think of a ton of specific links to provide because my understanding of feminism is like. so entrenched #like ive been doing it basically since i got on the internet #and i also studied it in university so i dont want to send like. meaty academic texts necessarily #ill look and see if i can find any other helpful sources though and feel free to add on #also i want to note on that last bit that every time ive talked about this ive mentioned that this fandom runs quite young #and i acknowledge that i literally studied this for like six years #so i have a leg up. but it does feel genuinely like people are putting on blinders to avoid talking about it #which is why it feels like its bc feminism is cringe right now or something #this is. not well written but im honestly so sleepy i stayed up til 3 working on orders ahhhhh #banger posts

[if-mirrormine]

i miss my brother so much it feels more like mourning.

#he's still alive #he's out there #i know where he is #but i dont get to see him every day like i used to #i cant walk into his room any time i feel like and annoy him #i cant share a glance with him every time my mom says something crazy #i cant ask him to make me scramble eggs on toast because he makes it the best #i cant watch stupid reality shows with him and laugh with him at all stupid things people say #i cant get mad at him for using all the hot water #i cant ask him to go with me to places just because im too scared to go on my own #i cant gossip with him about everything going on in our lives #i cant hug him after a really hard day #i just miss him having around all the time #and i know i can text him #and call him #any time i feel like #but its just not the same as having him right in front of me #all that to say #i understand how callie feels #and im going to add a lot sibling interactions into mm #or ill die #(figuratively) #alli talks

[poisonousquinzel]

"harley quinn's never had a good design in the last deca-!" WRONG dropkicks you through a brick wall

#dw i do plan to make an actual entire post about her best looks cause i stg #none of these people have ever picked up something with harley in the past 20 years #i love her jester suit sm but fuck do some of these people make it hard cause theyre just so stupid #and wrong #cant be me tho<3333 #harley quinn #harleen quinzel #dc comics #''omg but her hair“ SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP #let her be goofy and have fun colored hair ffs 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 #sometimes the hair color you want isn't really gonna go with most of your outfits #but having colorful hair is fun!! so who cares! #she could dye all her hair crystal blue with orange highlights and damnit ill still support her #everyone understands the Post Breakup Messing With Your Hair phase but get so bent outta shape that she wants to keep her hair #how it is and how she decided to have it dyed after fully ending things with him. #genuinely #some of yall just haven't had the experience of dying your hair unnatural colors multiple times over the years. #cause yea sometimes your hair is just not gonna be a perfectly crafted match unless you like solely wear a single color #like if someone dyes their hair blue are they just not allowed to wear stuff that doesnt directly go with the hair color? cause thats stupid

[phoebespenglers]

can we please stop telling people to kill themselves and to rot in hell and that they deserve to be bullied and that they are inherently horrible people who deserve to die and get doxxed. please. can we please stop doing that.

#like #okay first of all. do you understand the gravity of what youre saying or are you just throwing words into sentences #second of all. that kind of language is so fucking harmful for people with ocd or just obsessions with morality #because i mean not to make this abt Me (though this is kind of a vent ) but when i see people saying that it just. Sends me into spirals #because if people can say that to other people then what if they say it to me because i secretly believe the same things (even if i don't #-most of the time!) #what if im an inherently horrible person deep down? am i going to rot in hell for feeling slightly bad for this person? #i cant imagine that others dont feel like this or something along those lines. #im so fucking sick of death threats they do nothing. they do fucking jackshit except make more people feel terrible. #if you send death threats to people or say shit like this im blocking you. i dont want you in my space #bee.txt #moral ocd #scrupulosity

[cemeterything]

okay fine i'll read homestuck. whatever. i've cracked i can't take it anymore i need to fuck around and find out.

#🐉 #james reads homestuck #btw i know some people have legitimate objections to it so im fully prepared for that #and im not going to be an idiot and just try to ignore that and bury my head in the sand #but im curious as hell and even if some of it sucks i want to understand why #its such a compelling and beloved story to so many people #and hell i want to actually understand why some of it is Bad (for lack of a better word) #and not just take the word of random internet strangers as objective truth without further investigation #because thats the opposite of using my critical thinking skills #if you think reading media with some shitty stuff in it makes you a Bad Person just by exposure well idk why youre still following me anywa #but yea heres your warning that i will become aware of homestuck if thats something you cant stand #even though the likelihood of me blogging about it is slim #and if i do ill probably like. make a sideblog so people who really dont like it can avoid it. #MAN. okay. sorry for the disclaimer im just worried people are gonna think im an idiot or something and send me condescending asks #or assume the worst about me as a person #because. internet.

[dunkinbublin]

hhhhh

#sth #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #tails the fox #messy tails doodle rn is all ur getting from me #im useless for anything else #trying to get more comfortable leaving shit more messy #i dont understand why i cant just do that normally #its how i always get tricked into doing line art #then i dont draw as much as i want #'lemme just clean this up' #<- the line art demons talking #its so hard for me to draw anything but a full body too #cus im already imagining the full pose it looks weird if i stop #hhhhh kneecaping myself #spend all day wanting to draw still dont draw till like 1 am #sogjndjns how the fuck do people think of something to do and just sit down and and DO it #dunkinsart

[mushtoons]

us: hey before we become attached to you we're telling you straight up that talking is hard and we struggle with it, so there will be times where our responses will come extremely late or come across empty and dry

someone trying to befriend us: oh that's okay! i dont mind!

us: this is not an exaggeration we cannot stress how hard speaking is for us at times please do you really understand before we get our hopes up?

them: absolutely! i understand its okay! talking sucks sometimes its cool :) I'll talk for all of us

also them: you never talk to me it feels like im always doing all the talking and the only one trying in this friendship 💢 try and at least pretend u want to be my friend 🖕

#hi guess who lost another fuckin friend because something is wrong with us 🙃 #we try and warn people before we start enjoying their company that its just #so fuckin hard for us to speak????? #we stress it and explain it and pled with them to understand and shit like this keeps happening #dude we're not joking when we say it its not an exaggeration we cant fucking speak 😭 #we try and the most we do is come across as uncaring #we dont know how to fix it without ignoring our own feelings and needs in favor of someone else's #damn man 💔 #sorry mini vent #it just sucks we've lost so many people this way it makes it even harder to talk to people #wood wide web #the biggest fucking shout out to shift for being the only damn person on this planet who understands us 😭 #we love u sm man u don't understand thank u for tolerating our dumbasses

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #p4g #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #so its canon then that yosuke tends to forget to take of himself when he gets busy/stressed/etc then :) #yosuke's already a lanky ass like my guy stop making people worry about you!!! #also i like juxtaposing this against his group cafe date like of wanting to date someone he can look after because its both #bro you cant even take care of yourself #but also yosuke understanding himself enough that to be cared for is to be loved #anyway this is why you should always always have lunch with yosuke and feed him thanks for coming to my ted talk #OK BUT I also love that it's something that yu noticed about yosuke too because its so closely related to how he does. you know. #feed his friends food as a metaphor for love and all that and how yosuke hasnt had much attention (from him) lately #ok jk I'll stop being delulu but also really. #i feel a lot of Feelings about how yosuke and chie are the later members to awaken their 3rd tier #for meta reasons obviously it's also the fact that after maxing out yosuke's slink there arent as many opportunities to hang out #and there are so many good fics of that i slurp it all up #but for yosuke to point it out makes me so. SO. #anyway one final note is also yes i commented about how yosuke wasnt really doing a great job looking after himself but #i also think about his later comment that when people are relying on him it makes him want to do his best for others #and how he says he will always be there for his partner #and it makes me interpret all of that as yosuke being very roundabout in saying that he wants the two of them to look after each other #he's good with his queue

[ridragon]

You guys should read 17776. It's best to go in blind. It's about how football will look in the future.

(Warning that there is a very fast moving part specifically in the beginning in case you have photosensitivity, and the story includes gifs and videos. If you are sensitive to unreality some parts may bother you.)

#i cant really say too much because part of the experience is the confusion and slight unreality. #there was a post going around sometime in... 2015-18? maybe earlier linking people to it #i havent seen it in circulation in a very long time and this is an extremely good thing to read. #so maybe we can get this into tumblr circulation again #if you like homestuck youll probably like this? it's a multimedia story. but its a hell of a lot shorter than hs lol #ri rambles #stories #recommendations #but yeah if you are confused it's okay you'll understand. youre supposed to be like ??? in the beginning. just fyi #it's not super duper long. #maybe a few hours read? #probably less #something is terribly wrong #17776 football #17776 #im bad at guessing story length because i read really fast #it will make you feel things. i promise. #you WILL be confused. #but itll clear up

[bumblingbabooshka]

TOS-Era Michael Burnham

#Michael Burnham's in-denial 'burned out high achiever' swag... #Michael Burnham #Michael Burnham art #whenever I picture Michael in my head she is troubled by something so tha t's how I tend to draw her...that + Vulcan upbringing #the Michael Burnham in my head is so powerful...flat affect and limited facial expression queen <3 #she feels the entire spectrum of human emotions but doesn't fully understand them in herself or others <3 #<- my headcanon...everything I ever say abouther is headcanon #the ONLY clip I've seen of her was when she showed up on the ship in her red robe (KILLER look) #and when that lady Georgie(?) said (paraphrased) 'we're a good ship - more or less' #Michael looked her DEAD in the eye and said 'less.' HEHEHE #I wish Discovery seemed to have more of Michael acting Vulcan-ish but it seems like she acts more human pretty much right away which isn't #what I personally want to see v_v not that it makes the show bad or anything - I just want to see very specific things HEHEH #also I literally cant with people who're like 'Why's her name Michael when she's a girl?' there are ALIENS. there's a guy named NOG. HEHEHE #bea art tag #st discovery #st discovery art

[jojotier]

i'll be real with you nothing has radicalized me quite like the experience of seeing les mis live. and not bc of the themes of the show or anything, because like, les mis is an excellent show don't get me wrong, but just metanarratively.

because walking to my cheap ass seat in the theatre i was jostled by assholes in full tuxedos, heard derisive sniffs from ladies with pearls around their necks, overheard a dozen conversations about what new overpriced restaurant just opened up in the city. I'm only lucky that the cheap seats were filled with people like me- younger, not necessarily white and not necessarily ultra-wealthy- who could ease the atmosphere.

the show itself was beautiful. i dont think i'll ever forget that particular Valjean's rendition of 'bring me home'- it was the highest, most perfectly angelic version i've ever known. the rebels at the barricades touched my heart because there I could see in them myself and those i knew- artists and dreamers, who still wanted to do better, to make sure everyone up top did better.

the end always rubs me a bit the wrong way. Marius just gets to go back to living in relative wealth and prosperity while all his lower-class friends are dead and gone; perhaps he'll do good beyond the end of the show, but we'll never see it. in terms of the show itself, it rubs me the wrong way, but i don't hold it against the show either- it's likely a result of the source material and the time in which the show was written.

but even so, despite that, as i stood with the rest of the crowd for a standing ovation, it was impossible to ignore how that effected the audience. because as i filed my way out of the theatre, those same rich patrons from the best seats with their furs around their necks and drink laden in their voices, were wiping teary eyes and gushing about how wonderfully brave those rebels were, how tragic their deaths, how it was simply the most marvelous show.

all the while, keeping a mistrustful eye on the poor tranny in somewhat ill-fitting clothes, dressed sunday best but no better. wondering in whispers whether they just let anybody in. because certainly, they loved every character on stage. they felt enjorlas' death as though their own damned child's. but the moment Marius can go back his life of refinement, so can they- they can dust off their gloves and gossip about the newest Manolo Blannik collection. they were more than happy to leave the barricade behind.

i don't have that luxury. the barricade lives within the walls of this house, lucky as i am to live in one. it only takes one fire. one hail of shrapnel. it takes one storm to blow everything i am trying to one day have away. if only i were some abstract concept, maybe they could spare an ounce of pity; if they had no choice but to watch me from beyond the veil. but i dared to occupy the same space as they, and it was an injustice that easily outweighed their cursory sympathy.

never before had it been cemented just how much of a different world the truly rich live in. it took me months of saving for a lone ticket and nothing else; for them, it would have merely been a drop in the bucket to have the best seats, the best wine, the best clothes, all to make a spectacle of watching poor people die.

and isn't that the greatest irony? les miserables is a story about poor men trying to either cheat the system which is rigged against them or abolish it for something for everyone, and yet, it attracts the wealthiest as flies to honey. never once do they question themselves. never once do they question the system. if they had that introspection, they still wouldn't do a damn thing about it.

after all- what's more entertaining to the rich than watching the unworthy masses struggle to matter in a system oiled only by their blood?

#les miserables #theatre #sorry for this post out of nowhere but i just cant stop thinking about the irony #of les mis being the play du jour for the wealthiest while at the same time having such an active fanbase of normal people #like i understand why this was the musical mentioned so often in american psycho #like #i didnt even have this experience when i saw hadestown and that also attracted a fair few wealthy folks from what i remember #there's just something about les mis that drove the wealthy in the crowd to some kind of height of pretentiousness