#sometimes humor cannot hide the pain

[celenawrites]

pretty when you cry

pairing - Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!Reader

word count - 2.4k

warnings - Ghost is a bit of a dick but he gets better, Reader is a bit of a crybaby here but it's just cuz she's very in tune with her emotions, Simon is emotionally constipated and cannot handle feelings, some fluff, heavy-ish (?) angst, open ending, etc.

Note - Kinda got tired of writing fluffy stuff all the time and my mental health is fraying atm, so I decided to (hopefully) hurt some folks with this little piece. Enjoy!

AO3 Version

Divider by @/firefly-graphics

You cry easy. 

That's what Ghost thought of you when you first joined Task Force-141. 

While he has always been skeptical of any new additions (often temporary) to the team he has come to love and trust after going through hell and back, Price was convinced that your impeccable record on stealth ops, your physical agility, and your skills as a sniper were much needed. 

Reluctantly, Ghost silently accepts his Captain’s decision.

However, time and time again, your sensitive nature had him worried that you might prove to be a heavy liability to the team. 

When you stub your toe against the leg of the table, you let out a few tears of frustration and pain, cursing everyone and their mothers while you hold your injured foot in the air as you comically jump around the kitchen, even though your lack of spatial awareness was to be blamed here. It is almost always a comical sight, Gaz rubbing your back in comfort while you curse and cry, failing to hide his amusement. Soap is not afraid to laugh at your face for it, while Price has this twinkle in his eye as he asks you to sit and eat something for breakfast. 

Simon ignores the flutter in his stomach when you take a seat next to him on the table, your wet hair letting out wafts of jasmine - all for him to smell and keep to himself. 

You cry when you accidentally let the door close on your pinky, dramatic hiccups leaving you as Soap ties up your little finger with white bandages, stroking your hair as he consoles you, "That's a brave lassie, yeah? You got this". (Soap has always been good with people, Simon notes.) Sometimes, Soap will be ‘kind enough’ to offer you to kiss your injuries better and you’d shove him, your face giving away the embarrassment and the humorous jest you feel around the demolition expert. 

You weep uncontrollably when you watch Marley and Me with Gaz in the rec room. Price and Ghost had been passing by, discussing the aftermath of a mission they had just returned from when they heard loud sobs coming from the usually empty room. They peer in to find both of you huddled close in soft blankets, a bowl of popcorn propped up in your lap and a box of tissues in Gaz’s lap, as you munch on the buttery snack and cry over the adorable dog finally being put to rest. You lean into Gaz for comfort and Ghost wonders if you still smell of mud and caked blood like you did on the field. 

Price decides to break up the party as he enters the room, clearing up his throat to grab the attention of his Sergeants. Your lip wobbles as he lightly scolds you, his brow laden with concern as he looks at you and tells you both to go get some much-needed rest. You pass him by as you leave the room, your hand being a feather’s touch away from his and he almost holds onto you. (He still has no idea why he almost reacted like that to you)

One time, Price had been sent to help Laswell out on a crucial mission and all you had accomplished during those three and a half weeks was mope around and wish your Captain were here. You’d be lying on the sofa in the common room and you’d whine to your companions. “I’m so bored. I miss Captain. I wish he was here”, you’d pout and Soap and Gaz would gang up on you, teasing you as they asked you whether you had some unresolved feelings for dear Price. (The idea of you coveting Price like a lover seemed ridiculous to him, really. You and the Captain? Not a chance)

And then there was that one time when you had to go on a solo mission (the first of you being on your own since you joined the task force, really) and when you had come back to him them, battered and bloodied and disheveled but still safe and sound and Price lets out a sigh of relief, his shoulders sagging as if all the weight of the world has disappeared now that you’re back home, back to your team (where you now rightfully belong). You rush to them, running as if you cannot close the distance between them fast enough, and Price hugs you with steady arms as he lets you cry into his shoulder, wetting his uniform as you all but sob in relief, leaning on your Captain for support as your legs turn like jelly, unable to support the weight of your weary body. 

It must’ve been terrifying - being out there on the field, hostility and death surrounding you in all directions and the only person you could possibly rely on is yourself. Keeping yourself safe and sane as you navigate unknown terrain and fight off the monsters who wear the skins of humans and pollute the very Earth they have been raised on. Blood and gore and gunpowder clinging to you like a second skin as you pray to survive another night and make it back home safely. Back to your team. 

Back to your kind captain, and sergeants you have befriended and a cold Lieutenant who sometimes fails to hide the care he carries for you in his brown eyes. 

Price has a look of sympathy and understanding on his face as he drags you to the infirmary, even holding your trembling hand in his warm palm as you flinch at the sight of the large syringe needle and hiss in pain whenever the alcohol-soaked cotton is applied to your cuts. He soothes you with a gentle pat on your back, mindful of your treated injuries as he softly tells you to clean up and maybe get some much needed sleep, asking Gaz to supply you with something to eat before you doze off due to fatigue and the morphine still floating in your system. 

Ghost found it annoying for the most part - sometimes snapping at you to "Shut up and focus" on bad days and while he’s still irked at the sentimentality you possess, something that he and his comrades have willingly allowed to wither and die in their souls, a small part of him - a part of him that still resembles who Simon was, a mimicry of the humanness he hasn’t felt in his dead soul for years, worried about you. Worried sick about you and your emotions and the lack of lid you have on it. Worried if he had been too harsh on you because he doesn’t do emotions, and clearly he is out of his depth when it comes to dealing with people, but especially when it comes to dealing with you. 

He realizes he doesn’t mind you crying all that much. 

You go out for drinks to celebrate your successful solo mission and you spend the time you had lost on the field with your teammates - you play billiards with Gaz against Soap and Ghost and lose sorely, and then you try out a peg of whiskey the Captain has ordered and Price laughs heartily as you sputter and whine as the drink burns your esophagus. You somehow convince Ghost to teach you how to throw darts and he tries to not lean into your warmth as he stands behind you, his gloved hand holding your wrist as he positions you and teaches you how to throw the wooden dart you hold between your smooth fingers, and tells you all he knows about making sure that the little thing hits the dartboard without fail. 

Simon can smell your jasmine shampoo and your citrus perfume on you as he uses his hands to correct your posture. He can feel how soft and pliant you are under him, eager to obey and please him, and all he can think about is what it’d be like - being your confidante, being the voice of reason for you when you’re drowning in emotions, being a sturdy shoulder for you to cry on. 

And he knows for a fact that you’d be all that and more in a heartbeat if he allowed you to. 

You lean onto Simon for support, your head lolling onto his shoulder as he quietly guides you to your bedroom. You hum quietly as he carefully makes you lie down on your bed, removing your shoes for you and when you beg him to help you remove the little makeup you had applied for the night (Price blatantly ignoring the use of contraband because it’s you), he surprisingly complies. Years of applying camo paint on his face give him the needed experience around using micellar water and makeup wipes as he helps you prepare yourself for a night of mindless sleeping, which will be followed by a hangover in the morning plaguing almost all of them. (He swears he’ll force you to drink the ginger tea he’ll make, no matter how much you’d whine about it tasting ‘yucky’. He’d rather not have you hurling over everything like a cat with a persistent hairball stuck in its throat).

“I’m so happy”, you hum to yourself as Simon tilts your head up. 

“Close your eyes, Sergeant”, he orders and you comply, feeling the soaked cotton pad rub against your eyelids as your Lieutenant removes your pink eye shadow. It’s a pretty color on you, Simon thinks but he never says it out loud.  

You stay silent as he finishes up with your work, his calloused fingertips tilting and moving your head to look at any missed spots he might’ve overlooked in the dim bedroom light. 

“All done”, he scruffs, getting up on his feet and he hears you call out to him as he leaves the room.

“What is it?” he asks, wishing to be in his warm bed on this cold night. 

“Thank you, sir”, you say earnestly with your eyes shining with sincerity and an unrecognizable emotion. 

Simon observes you - you lying on your bed in the clothes you wore to the bar, with most of your makeup removed and your eyes struggling to stay open as intoxication and tiredness tempt you to forget the world and sleep.

A moment too late, he asks you, “What are you thanking me for, rookie?”

Only to find you out cold.

He sighs, draping the thin blanket over your shivering body and leaving you alone in your room. 

When you wake up the next day with a hangover headache, your makeup removed and your blanket draped over you tenderly, you make your way to the common kitchen and you ask your moody superior if he remembers anything from the night before - your hazy memory failing to cover the gaps in your memory. 

He gruffly says out, “No” and then hands you a cup of ginger tea, looking at you intensely as he waits for you to whine about the bitter taste of the tea he’s made for you. Knowing it’s a lost fight, you let out an exasperated sigh and thank your Lieutenant for the hangover cure. He looks at you a beat too long before leaving you to your own devices, exiting the room, and going God knows where. 

It takes him time, with all that he is and all that he has been through, to come to a new conclusion for his first impression of you. Steadily with time, Simon realizes that the reason you cry so easily is not because you're weak. 

It’s because you’re brave. 

Brave enough to express yourself and not fear rejection from others. Brave enough to show that you care, to show that you love life and people and everything life has to offer. Brave and kind and valiant in everything you do, Simon is almost jealous of your ability to be so open and free. He wonders what it would be like to let go and just allow himself to feel. 

It’d probably drown him alive. 

It might set him free. 

He’d never get the chance to know though. 

Now again, you sob as you put pressure on his abdomen wound as you talk to him with a wet, unstable voice, “Stay awake for me, Lt. We will all make it”. You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself more than him. (You need that reassurance more than him anyway).

He’s sluggish, the blood loss and pain makes it hard for him to focus on your blurry face and the skull mask on his face doesn’t help him either. He’s immobile, despite trying his level best to raise his hand up so that he can wipe away the stray tears on your cheeks. He parts his lips to tell you to please stop crying, to tell you how he’s not worth the worry, he’s not worthy of your tears - not when he has vehemently admonished you for them all this time. 

But all he can do is let out a low moan of pain, his eyes rolling back in his head. He can hear your voice, can hear the worry and fear and panic as you call out to him, but everything is hard and he can hear you but comprehending your words is near impossible with the ringing in his ears and the whirring of the helicopter that came in to rescue him and his team. He’s aware of his teammates sitting beside him - he can imagine their solemn faces as they cope with the possibility of him succumbing to his wounds before they make it back to safety. But he focuses on you instead - sweet, radiant you who worries about everyone and everything; who wears her heart on her sleeve and still holds onto the hope that he will make it out of this ordeal alive, even though he can feel his life slipping away from him like the sands of time.

Each breath of his is labored, and Simon wishes for nothing more than to wipe away your tears or to maybe hold your soft self against his injured body, cradling you close to his heart as he vows to survive this for you. Only for you. 

Through black spots and dryness, he blinks up to look at you and he has this realization, a moment of pure ‘Eureka!’ as he observes your worsened state of being. 

You have never been prettier than this instant, crying over him and praying to any kind of deity who’d grant him the boon of life. 

Satisfied with his discovery and suddenly extremely tired, he allows himself to close his eyes, letting the fatigue win and the last thing he sees is you crying for him to stay alive and fight. 

The last thing he hears is your sobs as you beg someone, anyone to save your Lieutenant. 

Note -

Title is thanks to the song 'Pretty When You Cry' by Lana Del Rey, although I wasn't actually listening to the song while writing this.

#call of duty #cod #cod:mw2 #simon riley #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x reader #call of duty fluff #call of duty angst #simon ghost riley angst #simon ghost riley fluff #call of duty headcanons #char.simon ghost riley

[soothinglee]

now it’s different; i am the one inlove...

jeongin x reader | 3.3k✔︎ | mainly his point of view.

my notes⎯ whew. this is the longest fic i've ever posted and i can't lie and say it wasn't a pain. originally i got this idea from listening to "morning dew" like 100 times and thought it would be perfect to write something for i.n.

warnings⎯ somewhat angsty, poor writing, some cursing, doubts, and humorous dialogue (so sorry if you dont find me funny).

genre⎯ eventual friends to lover, angst.

songs⎯ morning dew; xavier wulf | a new kind of love; frou frou

⎯catalog for skz✰ | requests r open

12.03.23 | 4:04 p.m;

it had been ten minutes since you left jeongins’ side to aid seungmin in teasing changbin. the frigid weather turning your breaths to smoky clouds as you laugh at one another.

jeongin rests in his spot on the park bench, if you ask, he’ll simply say he cannot join in on the fun due to the stiffness in his joints, and not the fact that an unwavering feeling of jealousy is creeping through his bones like wildfire.

he can’t help but narrow his eyes at the skinship you give felix, reaching up to brush the snowflakes out of his bangs, threading your fingers in his when you spot a squirrel resting in a tree; dragging him towards the spot before the rodent runs off.

jeongin hates physical touch with a burning passion. there would never not be a time where he didn’t push one of his hyungs off of him. he didn’t like when bangchan would suprise back hug him, or when hyunjin would randomly sit in his lap and pester him.

yet when he looks at the way you interact with the other members, he cant help but wonder what it would feel like with his hands in yours. running around the white colored park, throwing snow at eachothers faces, trying not to slip on the ice while playing tag with everyone else.

you weren't shy to affection, jeongin knew that for a fact. so there wasn't any real reason for him to be scared to go up to you and initiate a hug or a hand hold. but the overwhelming feeling he's been trying to hide for the last two years is holding him back.

yang jeongin has the biggest crush on you. he just wont admit it.

all the other members can see it clear as day, they don't hesitate to tease him about it when you aren't around; sometimes they do it infront of you but they are somewhat discreet about it.

"you're staring again." a muffle voice comments beside him. jeongin flinches at the sudden sound, he had been sitting by himself silently for a little longer than he had expected. "keep it up and she'll think you're a creep."

jeongin raises up his fist towards hyunjins face to which the man backs away quickly, "shut it." he threatens, he turns his attention back towards you, watching you get a piggyback ride through the snow by bangchan. he holds back a scoff.

hyunjin shrugs, readjusting his scarf around his face. the tip of his nose peeks through the fabric, it's color matches his ears; dusted a cherry red, "i'm not lying. even just watching you watch her is making me uncomfortable," he shivers to further his point, jeongin lightly shoves him. "i don't know why you wont just tell her."

jeongin feels his blood run cold contrast to the heat in his cheeks. he gives a quick glance towards hyunjin who watches him expectantly. "i don't know what you're talking about." he mumbles, adjusting his body on the wooden bench. he's been sitting for so long that his butt is growing numb.

"i.n-ah!"

"what?" he says, "i don't have any feelings for her, i'm only just looking. it's not illegal or did the laws suddenly change?"

jeongin swivels his head exasperatedly to look at hyunjin only to find him staring back with a wide grin. jeongin raises an eyebrow.

after a moment of staring, hyunjin lightly murmurs, "i never said anything about having a crush on her." his grin widens.

in that moment panic flushes through jeongins body and he's quick to clamp a hand over hyunjins mouth. "shut up. shut up dude."

"YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON Y/N." hyunjins voice comes out muffled underneath jeongins glove but he can still hear it very clearly. he just hopes no one else (more specifically you) hears it aswell.

"you liar, i do not! hyung, please stop screaming, i swear-!"

"you guys alright?" a third voice pipes up. both of them turn and see you standing a couple inches away, bare hands shoved in pockets looking like a swaddled marshmallow. you were covered head to toe in snow, proof of the snowball fight you had with felix lingered on your clothing. the apples of your cheeks moved with every sniff you took and jeongin couldn't help but mentally compare you to a bunny.

he immediately released hyunjin, who stayed in his backed up postion grinning at him. "yeah." he cringes at the way his voice cracked out of nerves, or the way his palms started to sweat despite the cold.

"are you sure?" you question, looking at hyunjin then back at him, "i thought i heard a scream."

"no-"

"-you did." hyunjin interjects, slapping a hand on jeongins back. his body jostles forward at the contact. "but it was nothing, right i.n? just some light teasing."

jeongin grunts through his teeth, "yeah. harmless."

you nod, unsure that it's the whole truth, "okay..." you point behind you, gesturing over towards the disfigured snow man whose bottom half lay smaller than its top, it's eyes on opposite sides of its face. "well if you're sure...i'll just go back."

before you can fully turn around, two heavy hands place itself on your shoulders to halt your movements, "no, you should stay and take a break. you've been moving around a lot. i'll finish your snowman with changbin."

you look at hyunjin, eyebrows scrunched together, "are you sure? you don't need to do that, we're almost finished anyway-."

hyunjin looks towards the figure and back towards you, "-no the hell you aren't. don't worry," he reassures, taking a deep breath. you can almost see the captains hat form on his head. "leave it to the artist."

he gives you a light push towards the empty spot next to jeongin, his butt print out lined in the snow on the seat. he turns around and calls out to changbin, "yah! it looks like shit! let me take over!"

"eh? you don't know jack about making a snowman!"

"i know more than you do, genius!" his voice fades away as his stumbles down the hill and towards a grumpy changbin.

you can't help but let out a giggle at the twos bickering. "something is wrong with them."

jeongin tries to nod in agreement but finds himself frozen.

at the lack of a response you turn towards him and see him tense in his spot, "are you okay?" concern drips from your voice as you lean towards him.

he hums quietly, giving you a brief glance and then returning his attention to hyunjin kicking over the snowman. "'m good."

you only nod and face forward.

a couple minutes go by as nothing else is exchanged. your hands begin to freeze due to the lack of heat to your fingers. you pull them out to send a few frosty puffs of air to at least try to heat them up but it doesn't work; you can practically see the icicles grow from your nails.

"it's so cold." you comment, rubbing your hands together.

jeongin perks up at your voice instantly, looking over at the way your shoulders shiver and the weak attempt at warming yourself up. before he even realizes it, he's pulling off his own mittens. "where are your gloves?" he questions, no hints of mockery in his croaky voice.

"gave them to han." you comment, smiling softly, "lee know took his when they were fighting and he wouldn't stop whining about how he was going to have to get his fingers amputated, so i gave him mines."

jeongin can't help the smile making its way to his face at your selflessness. you were always like that, worrying about others before yourself. it was admirable but he wishes you didn't do it as much.

"what about your hands?" he questions, holding out his own pair to you. you kindly reject his offer, pushing away his hands as he tries to force them onto yours.

"what about them?" you retort, "i was keeping them busy, with all the movement it gave me enough warmth."

he can't help but roll his eyes. he gives one last attempt at taking your hands and lets out a little cheer when you relent and give them up. jeongin feels his eyes widen as he looks at the purple color nipping at your fingers, sure you'll get frostbite later. he quickly slides on the wool gloves (much faster than he would've liked- it would've been nice to hold your hands a little longer) and watches satisfied when you lean back on the bench with a relaxed sigh.

with your eyes closed, basking in the new warmth, the feeling of the snowflakes hit the bridge of your nose tickles as you try to brush them off. you can't help the childish giggles that escape you as you scrunch your nose in retaliation.

and jeongin can't help but watch.

all he wanted to do was deny, deny, deny his feelings for you.

he didn't want to complicate the relationship you had built up since you joined the group. he was the first person you talked to, he saw how anxious you were and did everything he could to make you feel comfortable, despite the fact that he was relatively new too and couldn't do much.

sure you were close with all the other members, but you and jeongin had a connection. something deep down that made your tummy hum and your head feel cloudy. every time he was near you he felt- cheesy enough- complete.

jeongin doesn't like you like that.

he couldn't.

"just friends." he thinks, watching as you turn to him with a smile that makes his heart hurt. "just friends."

12.05.23 | 8:23 p.m;

it had been a couple days since you all went to the park and you can already feel the sickness creeping up your throat.

most of the tea in the house was gone due to the other 8 contracting colds left and right. so when you go into the cabinet to make you another fix it wasn’t surprise to see that the options were limited.

what was surprising was that your chamomile tea, which you bought for yourself only (and jeongin) was sat empty on the shelf.

“son of a-.” you start, turning back towards the rooms lined the hallway, “which one of you bitches drank my tea?”

“me, sorry,” a voice echoes down the hall, “i ran out of mine and yours was the only one that looked good.”

jisung.

“i lend you my gloves and this is how you repay me?” you shout back, opting for some black tea instead, turning on the stove. “just for that you have to do my chores for the next week!”

it’s silent for a concerning second, and then a loud, throaty cough, “girl, fuck you!”

before you could spit out a long winded response, full of curse words you didn’t even know could be strung together, a gentle hand was placed on your back.

“you need to relax, you’ll raise your blood pressure, grandma.”

you turn around and see jeongin standing there with a mask around his face. he’s clad in a matching tracksuit, it was a size too big so it hung off his shoulders, allowing you to see the tank strap he had on underneath.

good lord.

“i’m legit only a couple months older than you.” you retort, pointing a wooden spoon at his face, “not too much on me.”

he laughs and raises his hands in defense, “i apologize.” he does you a favor and starts to put water in the kettle, “if it’s really that serious, i could just go out and get more for you. you don’t have to kill han over it.”

you watch as he places the kettle on the stove and ignites the burner, “i would be doing lee know a favor.”

he laughs again and allows you to take over. “plus you’re sick too.” you add, watching steam slowly blow out of the hole, “i don’t want you to go out and take care of me when you’re in the same state. that ain’t right.”

jeongin says nothing for a moment, trying to find the right words to say. he doesn’t want to lay out all his cards on the table, his confession riddle with coughs and pit stops to wipe his nose. but he wants to say that he doesn’t care that’s he’s sick. that he’ll go back to a few days ago and give you the coat off his back if you asked.

to be honest, just like the gloves, you wouldn’t have to.

he’ll willingly give you anything. even the world if you truly wanted it.

ugh, cheesy.

he pulls out his phone and leans against the counter next to you, "if you wont let me get it, i'll just doordash it."

you perk up, "you can doordash tea?"

jeongin nods and grins, facing the app towards you were the jewel-osco section is pulled up, "uh-yeah? you didn't know that?"

you scoff, "no? i'm not a online food delivery freak like the rest of you."

"you say that until you're asking me to order you some take out at like one in the morning."

you roll your eyes and push him out the way jokingly. the kettle begin to whistle like felix trying to hit a high note and you pour the hot water into the mug. "watch it." you pull down another cup from the cabinet, "and please don't spend your money on me. save it for something better."

jeongin raises an eyebrow, "like what? more clothes?" he jokes, clicking place order. "it's fine. i like buying things for you. even if its something small." small was definitely not the right word after he just spent 10 dollars on a tiny box of packets.

you can't help the heat that rises to your cheeks and turn your back to him, finding sudden interest in the tea in front of you. "i'll pay you back later."

"no need." he says, voice coming out softer than he intended, "like i said, i like buying stuff for you." he watches as your hands pause putting the sachets in the mugs and takes over, "i got it."

you have to force the thank you out of your throat as you stare up at him. maybe its because you're sick, but the lightheaded feeling becomes intense and you have to grip the sides of the counter to stabilize yourself. you watch as his hands move with ease, adding the sugar, then the honey to each respective mug.

he says nothing more, but he doesn't need to really say anything. the intense look on his face voices his thoughts a lot more than he wanted to let on, just like a few days ago. something was on his mind, he just wasn't saying what.

"are you okay?" you ask gently, laying a hesitant hand on his mid-back. you can feel him tense underneath your touch for a spilt second and then his body relaxes. he looks towards you quickly, giving a stiff smile. he pushes the finished tea towards you, your hands incase the hot cup before the liquid can spill over.

"mhm." his fingers dance over the rim of his drink, "why wouldn't i be?"

"i dunno." you reply, "you just look...overwhelmed."

"well, i am sick." he smirks, pulling down his mask to his chin, "everything is a little overwhelmed right now."

you shove him lightly, careful of the cup in his hands, "you know that's not what i mean!" he laughs, "but...you do know you can talk to me right? like, you know i wont judge, right?"

he knows that, in a million years, that you were never critical to his feelings. for as long as he could remember the two of you were going to each other for problems that you couldn't solve alone. but this was a different feeling. and if he were to tell you, he could be ruining a relationship that took a long time to build up. why ruin that rapport for something like a silly crush?

but he couldn't help but wonder if you felt the same? there had been many times where some of the other boys said that you felt the same, even though it wasn't there business to get involved (they do not care). but jeongin knew how they could be. spreading misinterpreted lies to egg on something that most likely isn't true in the first place. they had a tendency to mix up words so why would now be any different?

he's spent all of this time convincing himself that what he felt for you wasn't crush like behaviors. just a good friend looking out for another.

but friends dont get jealous when the other holds another's hand. friends dont get jealous when the other gives another more attention. friends dont have the urge to take them on dates, or have their contact be more than platonic, or to kiss the other.

maybe hyunjin has a point, maybe he does like you.

jeongin feels that if his heart continues on like this, it could stop at any moment. "death by seemingly unrequited love." would look hella embarrassing on his tombstone.

out of all the situation he has been alone with you, why did his heart and mind choose now to tell you? maybe it's the sickness making him vulnerable but he feels a rush of confidence surge through his veins.

"actually," he starts, a nervous shake rattles his vocal cords. he refuses to make eye contact with you, finding interest in his scorching hot cup, "there is something i need to tell you."

you posture immediately straightens and you place down your mug, giving him your undivided attention. usually he loves it, now its burdensome, "oh? what is it?"

the tea shakes under his hold and he mentally curses it for exposing his fear. he wants to do it so bad, it'll be okay, he tries to convince himself. just let it out.

"i've been trying to convince myself for a while that what i feel isn't true but i think i should tell you now."

you nod, urging him to go on.

he takes a deep breath, he isn't trying to stall but the way his insides buckle is making it hard to find the words.

he started it, now he just has to finish.

"y/n, I...," he pauses, "y/n I lik-" before he can get it out there's a big crash coming from down the hall. heavy footsteps stop at the kitchens entrance and lee know stands there covered in bubbles.

"what the hell happened?" you comment, rushing over to him while holding back a laugh. he looks like the pillsbury dough boy standing there eagle spread.

lee know coughs and you swear you see several suds fly from his mouth. "seungmin. i'll kill him, i swear i will."

you let out a laugh and brush the soap from his shoulders. it takes you a second to remember but when you do you turn back around to look at jeongin, "i'm so sorry what were you saying?" you start to say only to find the tea he was drinking abandoned on the counter.

"jeongin?"

jeongin barely hears you call out his name as he rushes down the hall and towards his room. he can't help the tears that brim in his eyes and he starts to feel pathetic wiping them away.

what the hell was he thinking? admitting he liked you was hard enough on himself, so why did he think admitting it to you was a good idea?

as he sits on his bed, he can't help but feel a piece of him gone. you most likely didn't know where he was getting at, you didn't know that he was confessing to you in that moment. but the embarrassment of him understanding his words were worse. there was no way he could face you after that. for his own dignity.

as he cries he can't help but think;

it's always different, i am the one in love.

part 2?

#x reader #skz imagines #skz x reader #skz x y/n #skz x you #jeongin x reader #jeongin x you #jeongin x y/n #skz fluff #skz smau #skz angst #soothinglee #skz ot8 x reader #skz ot8 x y/n #skz ot8 x you #x you #x y/n #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #stray kids x y/n #i.n x reader #i.n x you #i.n x y/n #stray kids imagines #stray kids angst #stray kids fanfic

[bellatrixobsessed1]

I Am Blackened Bones (Part 3)

Approximately 4 tons. 

20 to 55 inches for the horn.

And the average height still eludes her. 

As her memory rots so do the details. There are several species of komodo rhino, each has their own statistics. 4 tons and 20 to 55 inches for the horn; this could be either the black or the white komodo rhino. She should know which. She used to. Whichever one it is not is the species that gets to be nearly 7 tons and has a horn length up to 59 inches. And then there are the greater one horns and the Caldera ash komodo rhinos. The greater one horned variety can weigh a formidable 7 tons at most with a horn length of 39 inches. 

The Caldera ash komodo rhinos have always been her favorite. They are the largest, the strongest. They are on average 10,000 pounds of fury and brute with horns that can exceed 60 inches. They like to linger around active volcanoes. She remembers the myth: that their hide is thick enough to withstand lava. 

But Azula cannot remember any of the heights.

20 to 55 inches. 4 tons. Black or white komodo rhino. 59 inches. 7 tons. White or black komodo rhino. 39 inches. 7 tons. Greater one horned komodo rhino. 60 inches. 10,000 pounds. Caldera ash komodo rhino.

She clings to these facts. Repeats them over and over again so not to lose them. Should she come by one of them on her misadventures she could feed the black komodo rhino twigs and shoots, the white komodo rhino favors a similar diet but it would require much more. And so she decides that it must be the white komodo rhino that is 7 tons with 59 inch horns. But she could have that wrong too. She could have the diets mixed up. 

She claws at what would be her hairline were she not wearing a crown of flame. The greater one horned komodo rhinos prefer a diet of aquatic plants while the Caldera ash favor meat—both small and large game. They can eat over a hundred pounds a day if they so choose.

It is how the grow to be the size that she cannot recall. 

20 to 55 inches, 4 tons black komodo rhino. 59 inches…

She cannot let herself forget because it is nearly all that she has left as far as the komodo rhinos are concerned. She can remember her stuffed toy and that it had a name. But what was it? She remembers that the toy had armor but she can’t remember who gave it to her. Father? Mother? Zuzu? No, Zuzu was too young. So Iroh or Lu Ten? Grandfather? 

She grits her teeth. She knows this. She does! 

And where had she gotten the toy? She knows that father had given it to her, but she can’t remember where or when. Or why. 

And so she recants the numbers 20 to 55 inches, 4 tons…

Numbers always have been easier for her to remember than emotions and aromas. 

Numbers have sense to them. Order. Emotions are chaos, they don’t quite follow any rules. Nothing really follows rules anymore. Nothing has consistency. Rhythms and patterns are becoming scarce. 

The pain doesn’t help. Sometimes it gets to be so overwhelming that she can’t even muster up her possibly botched numbers. Sometimes, she has to stop in the middle of her mantra to wait out the pain. Most of the time it passes. Sometimes it takes an exceptionally long time, long enough that Azula begins to fear that it will never subside. 

Today, she isn’t hurting. Not quite as badly. So she lets her mind wander a bit. She has a childhood memory, but the details are fuzzy. She is on some beach somewhere. It is sunny. Zuzu is smiling and laughing and she is too. They had just emerged from the water and they had sworn that they’d seen a lionturtle. Mother had humored them. Father had rolled his eyes but he didn’t protest their fantasies. 

Azula misses father. She sort of misses Zuzu too. She even misses mother and maybe Iroh. She misses a life that she never had. A life that she could have had. She misses all of the choices that she had never gotten. Or maybe she had gotten them, just the same as Zuzu had, and she had just scoffed at them and tossed them aside. And for it, she wears fire on her body.

At last it makes sense.

Something makes sense. 

She has only ever had her firebending. 

It was all that really mattered to her; firebending and the glory, admiration, and affection that it brought her. 

And now fire is all that she will ever be. 

She has a crackling laugh. She hates the sound of it. But she can’t stop. Because it is so funny. So dreadfully hilarious. The poetry, the symmetry. It is satisfying in some sick and dark sense. And so she laughs her crackling laugh and the fire erupts from her throat. Sprays sparks into the night sky. 

Weather she realized it or not, Azula’s firebending had always been her undoing. 

And it undoes her still.

#avatar the last airbender #azula #fanfiction

[xykcta]

can we please hear more about your OCs?? :). they look really cool and interesting!!

only if you’re okay sharing of course

Well, now I'll try to describe it all..or at least something. I have a shared setting with my girlfriend and it takes place in an alternative Europe of the 19th century (mostly in Britain). The main group of characters are cryptid hunters. Hunters founded their guild, established their foundations, hierarchy and monetary relations with "commoners", who are most often customers for catching beasts that devoured livestock.

The main characters are hunters-partners: a tall, serious man from Scandinavia named Ryan (belongs to my gf) and a frivolous Romanian drinker Ardy (belongs to me).

They behave like a stereotypical couple who divorced 10 years ago, despite the fact that they have never been married. But now it's not about them, I just needed to mention them and the place of action so that you understand further information.

In addition to primitive cryptids that just eat cows or lure children into the forest, there are much more developed entities. People call them "angels" because they are of unknown origin, most often anthropomorphic in shape (but there are also completely fucked up), have appendages similar to wings, sometimes glow and convince not to be afraid of them. Angels know human languages and pretend to be "human" pretty well. To do this, they have a "real" appearance and a "formal appearance". This is necessary for them to live together peacefully, to explore the new world around them… or just eat people. Unfortunately, human meat is a mandatory product in their diet to imitate their appearance. But some of them eat people simply because they can (this is condemned by a considerable number of relatives). Some angels are so good at pretending to be homo sapiens that they hold high positions in human institutions.

One of these angels is Dr. Lee (a character of my gf, and her drawing of him). He is the head of a psychiatric hospital, which allows him to conduct experiments. Dr. Lee is obsessed with research on creating artificial life and crossing humans with angels to breed a new race.

He behaves more like a modeler of miniature ships made of 3,000 parts than a mad scientist. He considers the human race to be several steps lower in development, so he doesn't feel sorry for the patients in his asylum. But Lee understands perfectly well that he can't just throw away lives, so he has to keep an acceptable level of the institution in order not to arouse suspicion. Not the biggest fan of his own work, but proud of his latest "projects". The first project is a successful crossing of an angel and a human woman (under the name Lilith). The second project is the successful creation of artificial life, a homunculus named Franklin.

Franklin is currently the only successful homunculus created by the hands of Dr. Lee (where did the rest of the failed attempts go? nobody knows). He doesn't react to pain, performs immoral tasks without unnecessary questions and learns quite quickly (thanks to the collective mind). Unfortunately, his emotions and feelings are artificially suppressed, so it's hard for Franklin to realize sarcasm, humor, irony and other charms of complex human emotional intelligence. Homunculus doesn't know how to regenerate, but in this case, Dr. Lee has an ace up his sleeve - he relieves the previous body of suffering and creates Franklin anew, laying all the accumulated experience with the help of the collective mind.

Dr. Lee is not the only angel in the asylum. Zebedee also lived there for a while (despite Lee's attempts to kick him out). Zebedee is quite phlegmatic and passive, but this doesn't make him not dangerous. Under huge sleeves and baggy clothes, he hides his limbs with additional joints that he cannot shorten.

Zebedee is very ancient. He probably even remembers the Cambrian period. I think that's why he looks more like a prehistoric creature than something cosmic. He collects only the best from evolution. So he has a retractable jaw like a fish and amazing manipulative abilities like humans.

But there are also ordinary people in this institution. For example, intern Beatril Quincy. He had every chance to become a new ray of light in medicine, but addiction to opium and cocaine made him a scum. He doesn't disdain to steal laudanum from the shelves of medical offices and doesn't miss the chance to steal one of the bodies from grave diggers. All he wants is to get an opportunity to escape from the hospital he hates (which he eventually succeeds after being fired at Dr. Lee's asylum and suddenly getting a job as a guild doctor)

Actually, so far this is all I can tell you about the lore. In the future, there will be a clash between the hunter guild and Dr. Lee's hospital (but this still needs to be worked out better).

I hope it was at least a little interesting (:

#baby wake up new lore just dropped #it's so long i'm sorry #original character #oc: franklin #oc: ardy #oc: beatril #oc: zebedee #oc: dr. lee

[succubratty]

10 for the ask game? 👉🏻👈🏻

10. Have you ever accidentally farted when you didn't mean to?

CW: fart kink/eproctophilia

Yes! and it's embarrassing for me. 😔

The most common accident is when I'm bloated and you make me laugh; it's so easy to make me laugh, and you can hear the short but noisy "PPRRRT!"

I tend to apologize; there’s no way I can hide that; depending on who I’m with, sometimes I say things like “look what you’ve done, you’ve made me fart” and try to act upset, but I’m just still laughing. 

If you tickle me under my armpits, tummy, or lower back, which is my most sensitive part, I might let loose a fart instantly.

I’ll be distraught because I don’t enjoy getting tickled and probably cry out of embarrassment. 🥺

The least common, but it happens a lot, is when I'm with the flu, with lots of cough and sneezes.

I remember when I was with a friend and classmate from college in the school courtyard; she hugged me so tight because I felt pretty bad from my flu.

Suddenly I felt a big sneeze coming out; I just turned my back to her to not sneeze over her "ACHOOOOOO!".

At the same time, a HUGE fart got out of my ass, and my friend was behind me; she received all my gas! 😩

I was so embarrassed; I just apologized to her in every tone possible; she was super dizzy from it because flu farts are toxic as f*ck!

She said to me, laughing, “Oh my god! Poor you, you sneezed from both sides.”

She hugged me again, “Now let’s move to another place because, omg, you stink, young lady.” she said, picking her nose.

I was dying out of embarrassment but relieved she took it with humor. 😨

The most recent and embarrassing accidental fart moment I had, was when my gf was eating me out.

It was so good; I just relaxed too much and couldn’t hold anything; she just lifted my legs, brought my knees to my shoulders to eat my ass, and passed gas directly into her face and nose.

She doesn’t have this kink, and I don’t like to fart too much around her; even though she loves to rub my tummy when I’m in pain, non-consent farts are not my thing, but well, it was an accident!

We laughed, but she was so intoxicated I apologized a lot for killing the moment. 😳

Accidental farts that I like:

After an intense session of anal sex, being plugged in, or things similar to getting your ass stretched.

I cannot shut my butthole; my ass has no strength to hold my farts, so is like fuck it, they sound so bassy and nasty, with a very gurgly sound, you can barely hear them if I'm in public, and they feel so good coming out so quickly from my butt; also my asshole is so sensitive from getting stretched that it's just. 🥴

Hope that can give you an idea. 🙈

Thanks for asking, anon! 💖 🥰

#really this situations are so embarrassing haha but love sharing them with you #my asks #fart kink #gassy girl #gassy transgirl #gassy lesbian #eproctophilia #girl fart #girlfart #fart noises

[deathdxnces]

Her birthday was five days ago.

It feels long ago, now, the time when that information would have mattered. Sometimes Irelia tries to remember what it was like, if only to reassure herself that life had existed once. O-ma and Ohn always made her favorite foods, and father always tried to gift her something special (the thought is accompanied by a small pang, heart twisting; everything had been lost when they took the house — she has nothing to remember him by, now, except for the blades).

It was Zelos who went out of his way to make every birthday the most special. Her eldest brother had always been prone to spoiling her, but on birthdays he made a point to make it her day. Whatever she wanted to do, Zelos would have seen to it; when he didn't have a surprise of his own, like that one time with the festival. It had been the first time she had seen Lady Zinneia on the stage. You stared at her with the brightest eyes I ever saw, he used to say in familiar teasing, always continuing with his seemingly perpetual good humor. I knew then there was nothing I could do to make the next birthdays more special.

I would give anything to just have them all with me again. Nothing would have been more special than that.

Try as she might, the lump in her throat isn't easily ignored. Everyone had said it would get easier, that you learn to live with it. At times, Irelia almost believes it. Some days, when she is so busy training and aiding in patching up the warriors and making sure the younger kids have something to eat, the pain is a distant thing. There isn't enough time to think, and she is too exhausted when finally lying down to sleep. Some nights, when they trade stories and gather around bonfires, when the others even ask her to dance, the hurt is dulled rather than piercing. It is never gone, but she can live with it.

Yet in moments like this, when remembrance feels like solace and self-inflicted punishment, the grief makes it hard to breathe. The world seems as colorless as it had been that day, the last time she had been home (the first time she killed).

Irelia would wonder what the point is to keep fighting, but that would feel like a betrayal to them all. The point is her grandmother loved Ionia and all its beings, everything Noxus threatens. The point is her father had valued the harmony they ruin. It's Zelos, and the joy he found even in the smallest things and the love he had always so willingly offered to any around him; it's Kai and his fascination for the flora grown in their garden or found in Navori's nature.

It's Ohn, who died at thirteen, the same age she had until four days ago (he was her older brother, too, but she is older now). It's Ruu, who was murdered at four. The point is to fight for them, what they loved, what they hoped to be. For the justice no one else would give her family's spirits but the defenders of Ionia.

She heard others talking around the camp ('the war is lost', 'they have reached the Placidium', 'we cannot fight that', 'some of our best are facing a siege, what can we possibly do?'); she had seen hopelessness and defeat in their eyes. Some had simply left, hoping to hide or run, as if anywhere would be safe while the noxians stayed. Irelia is barely fourteen, yet she knows it is a foolish hope. There is no running from this, only facing the invaders head-on.

Her decision is made quietly, to herself, amidst the somberness that covers them all like a shroud. They move to fight for the Placidium, a last (desperate) stand — and she will join her people on the battlefield. It doesn't matter if some still think she is too young; there will be nothing to fight for if they simply wait, and she would sooner die than live in a world where Noxus prevailed. For those who came before, she would fight.

#» in character — ⌜the blade dancer.⌟ #i still don't have a drabble tag #but i was just. thinking about her #i may or may not end up writing something about the right after the battle for now have a right before #kajsnfkajfn

[danthekickingman]

Because space pirate Dan has been on my mind, I wanted to write up some verse info~

Summary:

Caught up in a magical accident, Dan found himself zapped onto an unfamiliar planet, far, far away from home. The potent magical energies wiped a majority of his memories, and it was in this state that he was found by a small group of space pirates. Unsure where Dan originated from and having no way to return him home, the pirates instead took him aboard their ship.

The pirates initially tried to hide Dan, but during an inspection he came to their aid and was in turn branded as a criminal. Now forced to fill a quota by the group in control of the pirates, Dan started stealing from other ships, eventually becoming an experienced pirate himself.

Setting:

S P A C E

Honestly though, very flexible. It can include whatever scifi/science fantasy aspects that seem fun. The only concrete details are the existence of various alien civilizations (including Dan's home world of Lennus, though it is very distant from where he is currently), aliens such as those shown in the pirate crew, and the existence of some entity in power that is using pirates as a front to gather wealth. Also the existence of magic in various forms, as well as technology.

Miscellaneous:

He has vague impressions of memories, including the feeling that he maybe had a sister. He only clearly remembers his first name

He still knows how to speak his original language, but, as no one else around him speaks or understands it, he has become rusty in its use. He now more commonly speaks the three languages used by the crew that found him, as well as a fourth typically used at nearby space stations

He was 15 when he was zapped into space. Currently, he is 27-35

He has a brand on his neck that marks him as a criminal - specifically as a pirate. It prevents him from applying for most other jobs, and limits the activities he can do legally. A scan will reveal its presence. Aside from this, the brand can be used to inflict pain on him, regardless of how far away the person who placed the brand is. The brand cannot be removed easily without killing the person it's on

There is scarring where magical energy jolted through the gem on his forehead. He has permanent streaks of white hair on the left side of his head from this as well

He pilots a small, single person spacecraft, and most of his jobs are done solo. When not on jobs, he sometimes returns to spend time with the pirate crew who found him

Pirate Crew:

Though Dan frequently works on his own, he considers the pirate crew that found him to be family, and their ship is a second home to him. The crew members shown are:

Captain, Iorva (pictured rightmost) - Known to the crew simply as 'captain', she attempts to keep a certain distance from others, though typically ends up failing to hide her compassionate heart. Iorva is ruthless when necessary, possessing enough strength to easily overpower most opponents. Vaal is her brother.

Vaal (pictured left, topmost) - A gentle being, Vaal struggles with the idea of hurting others. Most of his time is spent tending to other members of the crew or aiding in the transport of items. He is Iorva's brother, and is in a relationship with Nebi.

Nebi (pictured left, middle) - A skilled warrior, Nebi is able to sense the emotions of other beings. She has a dark sense of humor, and cares deeply for the family she has found. Nebi is in a relationship with Vaal.

Chac - Big Bro (pictured left, lowest) - Much like the others, Chac is a skilled fighter. He possesses three sets of hands, and, when not floating, walks using the middle set. He is quick witted and eccentric. Due to them both possessing 'antennae', he calls Dan 'Little Bro', while Dan calls him 'Big Bro'.

#~ star stealer ~ (Space Pirate Verse) #Captain and Vaal are based on fiddler crabs! #while Nebi is somewhat slug inspired #~ form ~ (art)

[alittlebitoftruthcan]

‘Osho, why I get very angry at your jokes sometimes?’

Sandip, my jokes are meant to do many things, different things to different people. Few people will get angry if their egos are hurt. And nothing can hurt the ego more deeply than a joke. It goes like an arrow and it goes in such a subtle way that there is no protection against it. There is no shield yet invented that can protect you against it. It is the subtlest weapon yet found. But rather than getting angry with me, try to understand: some wound is touched, some wound is opened, some pus has started flowing out. And you don’t want that your wounds should be touched, you don’t want that your pus should be taken out. You want to forget all about the wounds and the pus. But forgetting is not going to help; the pus has to be taken out. My job is very thankless because many times it hurts, it is painful. And I use jokes in many ways. I use them as weapons, and they are so sharp that no sword can be so sharp as a joke. And it is told in such a humorous way that you cannot fight with it—it will look so stupid. You have to swallow it, but then it starts working.

Sometimes to some people my jokes will bring tears because they are carrying much repressed suffering in them. And when tears come listening to a joke, one feels really puzzled, that a joke should bring laughter, why is it bringing tears? Many people have written to me that ‘It is strange. You are telling a joke and my tears start flowing!’ There is nothing strange in it, there is a logic behind it. You have always laughed just to hide your tears. Friedrich Nietzsche used to say that ‘Don’t ask me why I go on laughing on small things. I go on laughing because if I don’t laugh I will start weeping. To avoid that embarrassing situation I go on laughing. I keep myself occupied with laughing.’ Listening a joke, ordinarily laughter should come, but you may have repressed so many tears that instead of laughter, as you relax with me with the joke, tears start welling up.

Sometimes you become serious—rather than becoming hilarious you become serious. There are a few people who go on writing to me that ‘Why it happens? We become serious. When everybody is laughing we suddenly become very serious.’ The reason is that it is easy to laugh at others, but sometimes a joke is not about others; it is about you, exactly about you. It fits you and you cannot laugh at yourself. You become serious, you become uptight. And, moreover, seriousness is more fulfilling to the ego than laughter. When you see thousands of people laughing and you sitting serious, it feels very good that you are something holy, saintly, and these are just ordinary people laughing. How can you laugh? You have not come here to laugh, you have come here to attain enlightenment!

To different people different things are possible. To few people even enlightenment is possible through laughter. That too is going to happen. I see many people coming very close, but then they become afraid. Just one step more… but they shrink back. They laugh only to a certain extent—they laugh only to the extent they can control it. When they see that now it is going beyond their control they immediately shrink back, they start holding back. If they allow it to happen, the laughter will become their enlightenment.

Sandip, don’t be worried. Whatsoever happens, whatsoever emotions, moods a joke creates in you, watch it.

A Rajneesh sannyasin comes to the pearly gates. St. Peter is on duty. He looks at the sannyasin and says, ‘Sorry, man, you are too early. Can’t you orange people get it right ever? You have to go back to the earth.’ ‘Can’t I have a look around since I have come all this way?’ says the sannyasin. ‘All right,’ says Peter, ‘any special wishes?’ ‘Well,’ says the swami, ‘I would like to see Jesus.’ ‘Oh, so you do believe in him,’ sniggers St. Peter. ‘As I am here I might as well check him out,’ says the sannyasin. ‘He is not in a good mood,’ says Peter. ‘but I will have a look.’ ‘He is not in a good mood?’ asks the astonished sannyasin. ‘Does that happen in heaven too? I thought things would be much different up here.’ ‘Well,’ says Peter, ‘you know, we have a direct communication with the earth so we listen to Osho’s daily lectures. And when Jesus hears those jokes about himself he just gets so pissed off!’

— Osho (Zen: The Special Transmission)

#osho #jokes #seriousness #anger #wound #ego #india #repression #nietzsche #laughter #enlightenment #control #lbotca

[thatscalledtoughlove]

when you’re joking about how sad you are and then it truly does hit you and jokes can no longer save you

#depression memes #sad memes #self depreciating memes #why do i do that #all it does is make me look crazy #sometimes humor cannot hide the pain

[edenmemes]

ghost of tsushima starters

❝ promise you’ll remain the good man i know. ❞   ❝ only fools have no fear of death. ❞   ❝ i am very much alive. but my patience is dying. ❞   ❝ i’ll make sure you are remembered. as a great warrior...a wise leader. ❞   ❝ the strength we need is all around us. ❞   ❝ the past cannot hurt you. ❞   ❝ this whole journey, and i never asked your name. ❞   ❝ fear drives you to be stronger. fight harder. ❞ ❝ sometimes...our only choice is to walk away from everything we know ❞ ❝ we do what we must. that is why you and i are both survivors. ❞ ❝ i can do good! i just...need practice. ❞ ❝ may your next life be more peaceful than this one. ❞ ❝ i knew it was too good to be true. ❞ ❝ i'll see what i can do. but if you’re lying to me... ❞ ❝ you’re too comfortable with that power. ❞ ❝ don’t ever try to kill me again. ❞ ❝ turn your back on a foe...and you will die with a sword stuck in it. ❞ ❝ youre not slipping away that easily. ❞ ❝ just stay closed. keep your sword sheathed. and let me do the talking. ❞ ❝ the things i saw still haunt my nightmares. ❞ ❝ i dont even know if you're real. ❞ ❝ victories don’t have to feel good. ❞   ❝ killing your own family...it’s harder than you could ever imagine. ❞   ❝ it’s safer for everyone if i just disappear. ❞   ❝ next time, leave some glory for the rest of us. ❞   ❝ peace doesn’t always come quietly. ❞   ❝ some people respond to kindness. others require a glimpse of steel. ❞ ❝ i am nothing if not honest. ❞ ❝ stop using people, and start thinking about how you can help them. ❞ ❝ you’ve had your vengeance. don’t stand in the way of mine. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to do it alone. ❞ ❝ not all words need to be spoken. ❞   ❝ there is time yet for revenge. i will savour their cries of pain when that time comes. ❞ ❝ i have learned to love the cool, damp dark. ❞ ❝ the last thing i saw was faces filled with hatred, rage... ❞ ❝ you didn’t think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you? ❞ ❝ we will celebrate when this is all over. ❞ ❝ what’s wrong with you? one moment we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, the next you’re ready to cross blades. ❞ ❝ a warrior learns from their mistakes, or they are buried by them. ❞ ❝ remember your training...and never leave my side. ❞ ❝ well...i guess this is goodbye. ❞ ❝ your visions will grow worse, driving you to madness and death. ❞ ❝ i can only pretend for so much longer. i’m not like these people and never will be. ❞ ❝ i loved you all my life, but i could never work up the courage to tell you. ❞ ❝ the proud do not last, and the mightiest of us perish like dust before the wind. ❞ ❝ you’re a vision of mercy. ❞ ❝ not bad, but only half-good. ❞ ❝ we make a good team, don’t we? ❞ ❝ an archer’s aim relies not on eyes...but on body, mind, and spirit. ❞ ❝ this is my fight. i don’t need your weapon. ❞ ❝ being right doesn’t always make things better. ❞ ❝ there is nothing easier than to prey upon the vanity of ambitious men. ❞ ❝ you weren’t looking so good. i let you rest. ❞ ❝ your intentions this time were...better than usual. ❞ ❝ what are you not telling me? ❞ ❝ trouble sticks to you like shit on rice. ❞ ❝ it’s strange being back after so many years...everywhere i look brings back memories. ❞ ❝ only a child expects perfection of their elders. ❞ ❝ when this is all over, what will you do? ❞ ❝ you are ruled by your emotion. ❞ ❝ is this how you want to be remembered? ❞ ❝ perhaps great men share all the aspects of their lessers, but more. great wisdom, but even greater cruelty. ❞ ❝ i cannot imagine the burden a leader like you must bear. ❞ ❝ our greatest enemies are the greatest teachers. ❞ ❝ death’s shadow embraces me. hand in hand we walk. ❞ ❝ breathe. you can’t fight if you hold your breath. ❞ ❝ i know you well enough by now, my friend. ❞ ❝ i can’t go back...to what i was. before this. ❞ ❝ i hope you one day forgive me for the choice i made. ❞ ❝ the wounds you dealt my spirit will never heal. ❞ ❝ why did you turn away from me? ❞ ❝ if you can keep moving forward, so can i. ❞ ❝ it’s a bad idea to sneak up on me. ❞ ❝ promise me something. don’t become like me. ❞ ❝ let me undo the damage i’ve done. ❞ ❝ ...and you want me to clean up your mess. ❞ ❝ the path ahead may take a lifetime, but i will walk it with you. always. ❞ ❝ whatever you believe i’ve become, i will always be your family. ❞ ❝ i wouldn’t be here without you. ❞ ❝ i’ll hunt you past the horizon if i must. ❞ ❝ can i count on you to do what needs to be done? ❞ ❝ that’s over now. you’re here. with me. ❞ ❝ i thought i’d lost you, i should’ve known you’d never give up. ❞ ❝ you can’t continue down this path. ❞ ❝ be careful. demons are everywhere and they fear nothing. ❞ ❝ corpses can’t answer questions. ❞ ❝ you deserve greater respect than this. ❞ ❝ it’s just like the stories my father told me. ❞ ❝ what you become tomorrow is your choice. ❞ ❝ just ask the last man who questioned my sincerity. you’ll find his head covered in flies out back. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t have lied. i still would have helped you. ❞ ❝ we came this far. we’re not turning back now. ❞ ❝ how do we survive if we don’t trust each other? ❞ ❝ without my help, the fear and pain will overwhelm you. ❞ ❝ whatever happens, we don’t retreat. ❞ ❝ the stories are true. i’ve never seen anyone fight like you. ❞ ❝ see how the enemy fear you? you are a true warrior. ❞ ❝ you want to share a drink...with me? ❞ ❝ maybe you should’ve just ran away. like you always do. ❞ ❝ good people have nothing to fear from me. ❞ ❝ your promises are just like you. worthless. ❞ ❝ as you wish, since you asked so sweetly. ❞ ❝ i know better than to argue. ❞ ❝ i hope i can find quiet places like this one, untouched by war. ❞ ❝ we grew up together, but you threw it all away. ❞ ❝ it was so chaotic. i felt you grip my wrist and then nothing. ❞ ❝ desperation can bring out the demon in the best of men. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to leave without you, but...i can’t stay. i hope you understand. ❞ ❝ a grown man, and you still can barely sit still. ❞ ❝ and i heard you had no sense of humor! ❞ ❝ knowing and doing are different. ❞ ❝ trouble follows me everywhere. ❞ ❝ indulging violence weakens the warrior...like too much food or drink. ❞ ❝ i can always tell when you want to ask me something. out with it. ❞ ❝ i am proud to fight beside you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t nurse you back to health to watch you throw your life away. ❞ ❝ all i want...all i need is to start a new life. ❞ ❝ look twice and shoot once. ❞ ❝ i think they’re afraid of you. you can be...intimidating.. ❞ ❝ you don’t even try to hear me. it’s like talking to a stone. ❞ ❝ so you try to kill me? have you lost your mind? ❞ ❝ you’ve sacrificed everything. for revenge. ❞ ❝ we can’t let anger consume us. or blind us to our friends. ❞ ❝ there is only one way this ends. ❞ ❝ i gave you everything. and you threw it away. ❞ ❝ do not question my integrity again. ❞ ❝ your father would be proud. ❞ ❝ the worst one can do is take advantage of their own people. ❞ ❝ you follow trouble. you should ask yourself why.  ❞ ❝ some of my favourite memories happened at this place. ❞ ❝ i told you this was a bad idea! ❞ ❝ keep fighting. we need people like you. ❞ ❝ are you the one who finally kills me? ❞ ❝ a warrior’s most important weapon is themself. lose control, and you risk defeat. ❞ ❝ first, get some rest. this is killing you. ❞ ❝ see that? i told you. there’s always hope. ❞ ❝ i hope the skills i gained through hardship can be of use to the people here. ❞ ❝ you have skill...but you nearly died rushing into battle. ❞ ❝ in the midst of battle, true leaders must stay rooted, stand firm. ❞ ❝ every time i get in a mess like this, i’m as scared as the time before. ❞ ❝ don’t be the next to disappoint me. ❞ ❝ save what we can, but know that everything passes away. ❞ ❝ i hope you understand, this is just a job. ❞ ❝ that’s a sad way to look at the world. ❞ ❝ seeing you like that...i’m still shaken up. ❞ ❝ sit with me a moment. ❞ ❝ doubt and indecision have destroyed armies. ❞ ❝ it’s so painful to...see you weighed down by sadness. ❞ ❝ on the slim chance some good comes of this...lead the way. ❞ ❝ you fought well, but we’re finished. ❞ ❝ the warrior’s mind is quiet but alive, like rustling bamboo. ❞ ❝ i’ve trained with a blade since i could walk. ❞ ❝ the visions...they’re still happening. ❞ ❝ in our world, being intimidating isn’t a bad thing. ❞ ❝ you have a talent. it’s time you use it, for the sake of our land. ❞ ❝ i've tried to teach you all i know...but you act more like a poet than a warrior. ❞ ❝ your path leads to madness and death. ❞ ❝ that’s twice you saved my life. ❞ ❝ these people stay because they believe in you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t choose this life. it was my only option. ❞ ❝ you came at me like i was your mortal enemy. almost broke my arm! ❞ ❝ i could use your help...in the fight ahead. ❞ ❝ you can be a little rough, but you have a good heart. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to kill you, stop! ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? afraid i’ll get more famous than you? ❞ ❝ war brings out who we truly are. ❞ ❝ take care where you place your faith. ❞ ❝ you seem lost in thought. ❞ ❝ i was getting tired of waiting for you. ❞ ❝ without my wisdom, you will lose your soul to madness. ❞ ❝ peace is an unattainable dream...but a dream worth fighting for. ❞ ❝ i’ve killed a thousand men. every death was sweet. ❞ ❝ what is the point of prayer when we are doomed? ❞ ❝ you’re like your father in more ways than you know. ❞ ❝ if you want my respect, earn it. ❞ ❝ and how many wars have you fought? ❞ ❝ you’re quite the butcher with that sword. ❞ ❝ people who sow chaos must be punished. ❞ ❝ i can’t help but wonder if you enjoy the violence. ❞ ❝ i kill only to protect our people. i think about that every time i reach for my sword. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry if my lack of skill offends. ❞ ❝ it’s the first time in days i haven’t felt like i was about to die. ❞ ❝ you fought like an animal...or a demon! ❞ ❝ there’s nothing more painful to me than a perfect bow...ineptly used. ❞ ❝ victory is won by warriors, not weapons. ❞ ❝ i couldn’t leave you to die. ❞ ❝ i made my choices. even knowing what they’ve cost me, i’d make them again. ❞ ❝ when’s the last time you slept or ate? ❞ ❝ you don’t get to give up. this land needs you. ❞ ❝ oh you pretend we are different, but we fight for the same thing. ❞ ❝ there are still places of beauty to remind us of what truly matters. ❞ ❝ true mastery begins where individual ego ends. ❞ ❝ a warrior faces danger with courage and resolve. this is how they endure. ❞ ❝ those stories...they're not entirely true. ❞ ❝ even the youngest warrior needs a full belly and a rested sword-arm. ❞ ❝ bad men are good at hiding their true natures. ❞ ❝ there is nothing left for me here. my hope is lost. ❞ ❝ i did what i had to. for you. ❞ ❝ forgive my manners. i spent all my time alone. ❞ ❝ is that any way to greet a visitor? ❞ ❝ if you continue down this path...you’ll be no better than the enemy. ❞ ❝ i am grateful for the times we share...but, i always want more. ❞ ❝ you lived your life in a castle. it made you soft. ❞ ❝ i used to know what i fought for... ❞ ❝ face them as a warrior with honour. not a monster. ❞ ❝ i don’t take lives, but i am not a coward. ❞ ❝ i wonder if i’ve crossed a line. ❞ ❝ you can’t expect everyone to understand what you’re doing, or why. ❞ ❝ your methods were brutal...impulsive...without honour. ❞ ❝ there’s plenty to fear without worrying about folktales. ❞ ❝ i hope you’ll find peace again soon. ❞ ❝ you do what you need to survive. and yet you despise others for doing the same. ❞ ❝ is that your excuse? your reason to kill? ❞ ❝ we have to keep pushing. even if it costs us our lives. ❞ ❝ cowards without honour deserve no mercy. ❞ ❝ i’ll fight beside you until the end. ❞ ❝ whatever happens, your forgiveness won’t change who i am. ❞ ❝ why should we settle for scraps when we deserve to be legends? ❞ ❝ only cowards strike from the shadows. ❞ ❝ the proud do not endure. the greatest of us fall in the end. ❞ ❝ perhaps some good will come of this. ❞   ❝ you will see nothing but death to the end of your days. ❞ ❝ legacy is more than a name. ❞ ❝ im sorry. i know what it means to lose family. ❞ ❝ one day we'll escape the endless wheel of suffering. ❞ ❝ is that a 'thank you'? ❞ ❝ i know what it means to be hunted. ❞ ❝ you personify fury and regret. ❞ ❝ that's all right. i want to hear you dig your own grave. ❞ ❝ either way, we’ve got nothing to lose. ❞ ❝ i’ve done what i can. the rest is up to you. ❞ ❝ forgive me, but you look fatigued. have you endured much hardship? ❞    ❝ i hope you find true honour in your next life. ❞ ❝ you deserve nothing less than death. ❞ ❝ this is foolish. surrender, and you can live. ❞ ❝ i too have pride in family. and i know what it’s like to live in their shadow. ❞ ❝ you were gone so long, i knew you were in trouble. ❞ ❝ so many of us here owe you our lives. ❞ ❝ what's wrong? what did they do to you? ❞   ❝ you’re lucky to be alive. ❞ ❝ i know your language. your traditions. your beliefs. which village to tame and which to burn. ❞   ❝ i cannot lose you again. ❞   ❝ i don’t seek revenge. but i will fight for peace. ❞   ❝ we will meet again soon. until then...travel safely. ❞   ❝ this is war --- not a test. ❞ ❝ we can save our home together. it doesn’t have to be like this. ❞ ❝ fear is a weapon. don’t let them use it against you. ❞

#rp meme #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #long post for ts /

[levi-ships-eruri]

Levi Ackerman NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Levi is a cleanliness freak and after a few moments of holding you and making sure that you are okay, he would get up and change the sheets. Means, you have to get up, too. And while you are up, you should go and take a shower. He will join you there and MAYBE this will lead to a second round. However, he will definitely make sure you are alright, clean, and safe. And tbh, there is no better feeling than going back to bed with Levi and cuddle into the fresh sheets.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Levi is quite confident about his body despite his height. On himself, he especially likes his hands and his long, slender, and calloused fingers. They are quite aestethic and he knows how to use them on you, reaching places inside you that your own fingers cannot reach. However, these hands are also shed in blood. Therefore he loves to see that his hands can also be soft and caring on your body, and bring pleasure instead of death.

On you, Levi is definitely an ass and thigh kind of guy. But his favourite body part of you is your face: eyes, lips, nose, jawline... He loves when you glance over to him from the other side of the room, a little smile on your lips. He loves the blush tinting your cheeks. He loves the soft look in your eyes when you tell him that you love him. He loves to see you let loose when you come on him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Levi HATES to make a mess. So when he comes, he comes inside of you. He also thinks this is quite intimate and therefore likes it (plus, secretly thinking he is marking you. Boy sometimes is insecure). When it comes to oral, he wouldn’t force you to swallow. If you wanna spit it out, he would hand you a tissue. Same if something drips out of your mouth because sometimes he comes A LOT.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Levi is pretty vocal about sex and wouldn’t hide something from you, not even the awkward first-time-stories. But there is one thing he is shy talking about... he is not one to share his partner. EXCEPT for the two persons he trusts the most: Hanji and Erwin. Levi caught himself thinking about a threesome with his partner and one of them (or...a foursome...no too much trouble), but he would not dare to bring it up. He would be super embarassed if Erwin turned down the idea and he wouldn’t want Hanji to tell everybody or to brag about it (they would do this, let’s be honest).

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Levi is over 30 years old, so he had gathered some experience. He started in the underworld, not necessarily because of need, but because he thinks it is something he is...supposed to do? Something that was normal for people to do? Later he also had sex when he needed to release some anger, and only later started to really enjoy it and to think about what techniques would please his partner. So, when the two of you start having sex, this guy knows what he does and is willing to learn everything about you and your preferations.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy: He loves to push you down, a hand between your shoulders, your ass up in the air, pounding into you.

Missonary: Levi is a broken man and he loves to hold you close to him and bury his face into the crock of your neck.

Sitting: Both of you sitting, your legs wrapped around him, bodies closely pressed together, hand and lips everywhere they can reach. It is the most intimate position for the really emotional times.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Levi is pretty serious in the bedroom, but he will make cocky remarks and smile a lot (sometimes also cocky, sometimes soft). Sometimes you will break out laughing because he cannot shut his shitmouth and will say something downright ridiculous.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

His hair down there is dark as well and neatly groomed, maybe even completely shaved. He is aware that bodyhair does not have anything to do with bad hygene, but he just feels better shaved or groomed. Levi’s body hair (and facial hair) also takes a lot of time to grow due to his time in the underground, but in this case it is rather beneficial for him.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Levi is super intimate. Not necessarily overly romantic, but intimate. This is something between you and him, something special. So unless it is a quicky during stressful times, he will take his time and make sure that both of you feel good and loved. Often having sex with him is the closest you ever feel to him because Levi can show his affection better by acts than by words. Afterwards you sometimes have the deepest conversations.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Levi’s sex drive is not the highest and he has no problem with not jerking off for a while. When he feels the need to do it, he will do it during his super effective shower sessions because this way it wouldn’t make a mess. 

However, when he is in a relationship, his longing gets stronger. If he cannot see you for some time or if the two of you just cannot find any time for the do, he will have a frustrating jack-off session, which only causes his need for you to grow.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Captain Kink: Levi likes to take the dominant part. He likes to hear you call him Heichou in bed, but not too often (he loves his name from your lips even more).

Bondage: Levi loves to tie you up and make you squirm beneath him. Orgasm denial is not a real kink of him, BUT he will do it all the time when you are tied up. When he gives you oral in this state, you can be sure it will take at least AN HOUR before he lets you cum.

Stockings: Since he is a leg guy, he enjoys seeing you wearing stockings. And he wouldn’t admit, but seeing you taking on your boots and gear the next morning is a huge turn on for him. He cannot wait to take them off again in th evening.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

His bed or the floor of his room, where he has control over the mess the two of you make.

His desk. It will make much more of a mess and will make a chaos out of his paperwork, but he is a sucker for the view of you sprawled out on his desk.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Levi is actually pretty hard to seduce, which makes flirting with him really hard. He notices the flirting, of course, but is good at ignoring it. As already mentioned, he gets pretty turned on when you get dressed into your boots and gear.

Whenyou spend the day apart from eachother,  glancing at each other from a distance, waiting for the night to finally come.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Degrading: Apart from public belief, Levi would NEVER degrade you because he hates being degraded so much. His whole life has been a pain so far, so why should he take this into the bedroom, where he just wants to show his partner his love?

He would also not hurt you. Maybe a few spanks or some very light choking and hair pulling, but he would never ever hurt you in any way. Same reason as above.

Don’t. Call. Him. Daddy. He thinks this is super weird. Just stay with his name or Heichou/Captain.

Anything including piss or feces. Just no.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Levi highly enjoys receiving oral, especially when he is sitting and you on your knees in fron of him. When you blow him, he will finally let loose and you can see his face slightly being tinted red, eyes closed, lips a little apart. His hand will be in your hair all the time and towards the end he cannot hold back and will thrust into your mouth once or twice. His low grunts get a little more high pitched when you run your tongue around his tip.

But Levi is also pretty talented in giving. As mentioned before, he likes to tease you with his mouth, loving the feeling of you squirming beneath him. Be prepared for a lot of edging, cause that little gremlin is a sucker for your desperate moans.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Levi is a little more on the rougher side. His thrusts are deep and strong, his pace rather “average” at the start, but he gets faster in the course of the act. If the two of you have some time, he will vary his rhythm, from slow and sensual to fast and strong, and back again. Quickies will be, as the name suggest, as quick as possible.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Oh, talking about quickies: If you are in a relationship with Levi or anything like this, quickies will happen very often. He is a busy man und you most likely will also be part of the survey corps, so you need to use every little space of time you can get. This often results in steamy sessions in the forest against a tree, or a more private session in his office.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So, semi public sex, like in the forest, is a thing. But he would always make sure to not get caught, especially not by some cadets.

Apart from that, he is pretty open in bed. Tell him what you would like to try and he will most likely agree, as long as it is nothing from his no go list. If he picks up something new (thanks to Hanji most probably) he will also not shy away from bringing it up and ask you about it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Oh boi, we are talking about Levi. When the two of you have a whole night, you have to be the one to stop him at some point - for your own sake. Levi can go for several rounds, even the whole night and this can easily be too much for someone without special power.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

So let’s imagine a more modern setting, because I think there are no sex toys in our common sense on Paradise Island. In a modern world, Levi would definitely get and try out some sex toys, especially vibrators which he could use on his partner. He would also be a little curious to try them out on himself, but he rather uses them for teasing you. He would have like 2 or 3 items, not too much, not too fancy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Ohhh, be prepared for a lot of teasing. Levi enjoys to have a little power over you and your pleasure, and he will make use of it. He is especially unfair when it comes to oral, holding your hips in place while he is taking is sweet time to pleasure you. It drives you mad and this man has a lot of patience.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Levi is not really loud, but his soft little grunts and moans are like music. He only gets a little louder when you tease him while giving him head, but he will also scold you for it. That shitmouth. Otherwise, you will hear him whisper “fuck” and “shit” while he is pounding into you and coming close to his climax.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Levi is quite curious when it comes to new techniques. Soon after joining the squad, he  discovers that Hanji has quite an interesting collection of books with...a lot of explanations and images. So one day, he asks them to borrow some of these books to study them. But before, he threatens Hanji with death if they tell anyone.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Have you seen Levi’s season 4 arts? This man is packed, damn. Errected I would say he is between 7′0 and 8′0. So Levi’s dick is pretty average in girth, but long. He knows how to use it as good as he uses his swords.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Levi’s sex drive is pretty low, since he is not a horny teen anymore. Of course, he feels the need from time to time, but he can pretty good control himself. When he is in a relationship, however, his sex drive will grow a lot, since it is one of the ways of showing you how much he loves you. If the two of you have time, you will easily have sex 3 or 4 times a week.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Levi only sleeps 3 hours per night, and this will not change after sex. He often holds you until you are asleep and gets up afterwards, to either sleep at his desk or do some paperworks. He will, however, make sure to be back in bed when you wake up.

#levi #levi ackerman #levi x reader #levi imagine #levi headcanon #lemon #aot x reader #aot imagines #aot headcanons #aot #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyoujin headcanon #snk headcanons #snk imagines #attack on titan headcanons #heichou #reader insert #levi ackerman x reader #levi heichou #alphabet #levi smut

[yesimwriting]

Tranquility

A/n about time i wrote something for my privateer,, my love, Nikolai Lantsov

Summary: You and Nikolai are masters of being a couple without actually dating, and the only thing threatening that is the way Nikolai gets after having a nightmare. 

--

Tranquility. So rare for a world on the cusp of war. I guess that’s what the difference between a world at war and a world only boarding on it, the occasional glimmers of goodness, peace. I shift cautiously, careful to not disturb Nikolai. He is tranquility, especially in the few moments in which he allows himself to rest. Not long ago, I found his trips to my bed in the middle of the night strange. But now I only think of the oddness of it when I can’t fall asleep and I find myself enjoying the peaceful lull of his even breaths more than I should. I think a lot of things we do are more indulgent than they should be. 

Nikolai only comes to visit me when the bags under his eyes become noticeable and his humor falls flatter than normal. I tell myself he takes my comfort because he trusts me to some extent and I give it to him willingly when he seeks it. I’m not fully innocent. I take his peace, his touch and warm sentiments, when they are offered to me. But now I’m bordering on something else. Something much more devastating. 

This isn’t something I can afford to think about, to weigh on. Not now when war is on its way and Nikolai already has so much to worry about. Perhaps I’ll mention this to Alina and she’ll manage to give me some type of perspective, but that isn’t something I should do now. When the world has ended or is made safe, then I will sort through the significance of the way my heart stalls or speeds up for him and him alone. 

I should just try to fall asleep again. If I do, when I wake up again Nikolai will either already be gone because of his duties or he’ll make some kind of joke about how fortunate I am to wake up to such a sight before trying to coax me back to bed. I shouldn’t want that.

Ugh. He’s so pretty, I hate it. It’s unfair--one cannot expect someone to have someone like Nikolai dote on them, playfully or otherwise, and not catch some type of connection. Even in sleep, with his golden hair disheveled, parted lips, and fluttering eyelids he’s unfairly attractive. I sigh, the irony of the situation twisting my stomach--if he knew my thoughts his ego would bask in them. 

As if he can feel my conflict, his defined eyebrows draw together, his placid expression turning harsh. I tense, watching as that look only hardens. Is he...okay? It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had some kind of nightmare. Nikolai’s lips press together, and then he makes a noise. A sad, discomforted sigh. 

The remnants of my drowsiness disappear at that. I place a hand on his shoulder thoughtlessly, shaking him once. “Nikolai.” I keep my voice low and soft. His expression stays hard, “Wake up, it’s not…” He lets out another broken sound. I shake him a little more determinedly. “It’s not real.” 

Nikolai’s eyelids flutter once more, and he’s pushing himself upwards, sitting up and breathing harshly. My hand falls off his shoulder, but I think it’s better this way. He needs space to realize that he’s safe. 

Taking two shallow breaths, Nikolai turns his head. I watch him carefully, resisting the instinctual urge to help him, to comfort him and chase away the darkness that wants to engulf him. 

“Y/n?” His voice is so fragile a part of me doesn’t recognize it as his. 

I nod my head once, folding my hands in my lap to avoid reaching for him. “You’re okay. It was just a dream.” 

His gaze flits from my face to the ruffled blankets draped over me. He’s silent and still. Two things he should never be for a long period of time. Nikolai shifts slowly, as if still trapped in a daze. I let his hand take mine from my lap and pull it towards him. He squeezes my hand once, bringing my knuckles to his lips. I inhale sharply as he exhales, warm breath burning my skin. And then his lips brush against each knuckle. I let him, fighting not to let myself be reduced to a puddle. 

Nikolai lifts my hand, coaxing my palm open before placing it on his cheek. I brush my thumb down his cheek. He lets out a breath, the sound is soft yet it leaves my heart raw. 

I don’t say anything as he moves his hand down my arm, fingertips leaving my skin electrically charged as he always does. He pauses once his hand is on my shoulder. I let him grip me harder than I normally would. It feels like I am an anchor, weighing him in place so that the dark cannot take him away from me. 

My lips part, but I have no words to offer him, not when I don’t know the extent of his torment. Nikolai’s hand brushes past the sleeve of my nightgown and across my collarbone. I swallow once, dropping my gaze to avoid the sharpness of the look he’s giving me. 

“You’re heavy sometimes,” I keep my voice low, “I wish I could--” 

“You do,” his voice leaves no room for argument. The tone is filled with a tension that he has never used on me. “You do everything.” 

“And you are everything.” His expression softens at my words. It feels like a reward in a way. 

Nikolai moves forward, the bed makes a noise as he rustles the sheet. I don’t bother asking what he’s doing. He’s always touchier than usual after a nightmare, breaking even more social rules than normal. I let him place his head in the crook of my neck while ignoring the warmth that pushes itself into my chest as he adjusts himself against me. I hesitate before placing my hand on his back even though I know he’d never reject me. He lets out a breath at the additional contact, adjusting himself so that he’s even more against me. I move my hand up and down his back.

The urge to ask him about what his dreams are about bubbles in my chest, but I ignore it. If he wanted to speak about it, he would. 

“Things are easier with you.” His voice is so delicate it’s almost hard to bear. His hand presses into my side and my breathing stiffens as a result.“I’m glad you’re here.” 

I meet his gaze as he tilts his head upwards. “Of course I am, how could I ever resist someone as wonderful as you?”

The corner of Nikolai’s lips tug upwards, a sign that he appreciates my attempt at humor. “You’re not wrong, darling.” I roll my eyes as he grins, ignoring the way my stomach tightens as he presses his face into my shoulder to hide his amusement. “You’re the wonderful one.” 

I smile slightly, sarcastic retort dying in the back of my throat as something in Nikolai shifts. His eyes have taken on a simple, dark quality. I’ve seen this tension in him before, but I’ve never understood it. Nikolai tilts his head slightly, regarding me with more intensity than I know how to deal with. He shifts closer until I can feel his breath on the edge of my jaw. And then I feel his lips brush against skin. Testing, cautious. I don’t move. He must take this as a good sign because he then presses his lips further up my jaw. Again and again, always gentle, always fragile--always more welcomed than it should be. 

I close my eyes, indulging in the feel of his touch, and then I feel him touch my cheek. The contact is feather light as my eyes flutter open. He’s close in a different way now, lips two centimeters away from mine. 

This means nothing to him, this is nothing to him. It is just a way to push through pain he refuses to share with me. “Nikolai.” It’s meant to be a warning, but it comes out as a breathy sigh. “Nikolai…” A little stronger, he pauses, face a centimeter from my face. 

“Y/n.” My name is soft grace on his lips. 

My eyes shut. “You can’t--you can’t kiss me just because you need to be distracted.” 

His eyebrows draw together and then he straightens. The distance between us leaves me colder than before. “Do you really think that?” 

I press my lips together. “We should just go back to sleep--” 

“Y/n,” he sighs once, “Is that what you think?” 

I stare at the blankets, gripping the fabric. “Does it matter?” 

“Yes.” His voice is hard, losing all touches of irony. “It matters.” I stay silent, avoiding Nikolai’s gaze. “Out of all the reasons I want to kiss you, being distracted isn’t even on the list.” 

My head snaps in his direction. What is he implying? “What?” 

“Y/n,” his hand is on my arm, warm and tempting, “I want to kiss you because when you smile it feels like all the bad goes away. I want to kiss you because you bite your bottom lip when you’re thinking and then that’s the only thing I can think about. I want to kiss you for the same reason I come to your room whenever I want to rest. You’re my tranquility.” My eyes soften at his words, my mind racing at the implications of them. “You’re biting your lip again, darling, and it’s torture.” 

On instinct, my lips part slightly. He doesn’t move closer or farther away. I exhale slowly, trying to push away the electric current the potential of this moment is stirring. Nikolai’s hand moves up my arm and settles on my cheek. 

His thumb brushes against my cheek, making me melt. “I want to kiss you because when I’m with you all of the bad, all of the uncertainty disappears.” 

Nikolai leans forward slightly, breath warm near my skin. “Is that all?” 

If his touch wasn’t so enticing I’d roll my eyes at such a blatant attempt to get a compliment. But his touch is all consuming, especially when he moves to run his thumb across my bottom lip. “No--you’re also ridiculously enticing, but something tells me you don’t need me to add to your ego.” 

He grins, shifting impossibly closer before finally letting his lips meet mine. The contact is everything I’ve ever needed, his lips warm and inviting and eager. I kiss him back easily, melting into him like that’s where I’ve always belonged. Nikolai pulls away slowly, drawing out the kiss and letting his teeth graze my bottom lip.

“For the record, you’re the only ego boost I need.” He smiles lazily, hand not leaving my cheek. “You’re my peace, y/n,” he exhales flatly, “Please remember that.” 

There’s something strangely sleepy yet revered about his tone. “Of course I will,” I hum, letting him rest his head against my chest, “You’re my peace, too.” 

“Sometimes when I dream I see you and then I lose you.” Nikolai’s tone leaves my heart sore as he adjusts against me. 

“You’re not losing me,” I whisper, eyes fluttering shut. “Ever.” He exhales gently. “Get some sleep--you never get enough rest.” 

He squeezes me once, pressing a quick kiss to my collar. “Whatever you want.” 

I half roll my eyes, too tired to to call him out on his teasing, the lull of sleep strengthened only by the weight of him against my chest. 

 --

general tag list: @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy  @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x you #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone show #grishaverse #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse imagine #grisha #grishaverse x you #my works #six of crows imagine #grishaverse imagines

[whoree321]

the bad batch + what romance/rom com movies they watch with you

each of the bad batch x gn!reader

ok first and foremost i really truly believe to the pits of my soul that every single one of these fuckos loves romances and you cannot under any circumstances change my mind

ALSO it’s a gender neutral reader except kinda in echo’s theres like a very brief quote regarding breasts but like i still think even that is pretty gender neutral tbh

so anyway

Hunter: Pretty Woman

this is not the first time that i have publicly declared that i think hunter has a deep rooted connection to the movie pretty woman and it will not be the last

first of all this movie is incredibly soothing to hunters overwhelming savior complex

second of all hunter is literally richard gere (debonaire but emotionally distant gentleman that learns to love) and julia roberts (hooker with a heart of gold) at the same time

he was a little skeptical the first time you put it on but he instantly fell in love with it

the humor, the sensuality, the class divide, the glamour, the unconventional cinderella story of it all. it just really butters his bread

after the first time, when you suggest watching a movie and you pick this one he’ll act very aloof about it (“whatever you want cyar’ika, it doesn’t matter to me”) but secretly he’s really really happy bc it’s one of his favorites (you def know this and def pick it more often)

he absolutely hates the scene when stucky the lawyer hits vivian. like it doesn’t matter how many times he watches it he will fully turn his head away from the screen and say “I don’t like this part” and when it’s over he nuzzles a little closer into you and very tenderly kisses your forehead

he loves the soundtrack too. like he fully exposes how much he likes the movie when you catch him singing or humming “pretty woman” or “it must have been love” absently to himself (you kept it to yourself for a while but eventually you just had to tease him about it. he just smiled a little sheepishly and admitted he liked the songs before promptly changing the subject)

hunter also lowkey definitely wants to recreate the ending where richard gere shows up to her apartment in the white limo with you bc he thinks it’s such a sweet gesture and he wants to treat you like royalty

Crosshair: 10 Things I Hate About You

if there’s one thing about crosshair it’s that he’s a sucker for the enemies to lovers genre

maybe its just him projecting (spoiler alert it most certainly is) but he really enjoys watching the drama conflama of a miserable bastard be tricked into love

and really that’s the true essence of 10 Things I Hate About You

he will grumble and bitch and moan about not wanting to watch a ‘chick flick’ when you put it on, but 15 minutes in and he’s hooked

he has strong negative opinions on literally every single character except for kat and patrick

(crosshair really really wants to think he’s patrick but when it comes down to it he is katarina stratford in every single possible way)

he doesn’t say a word throughout the entire movie but you can tell when he’s annoyed at like bianca or cameron or joey bc he will openly scoff at them

will absolutely hum along in your ear during the “can’t take my eyes off you” scene and make out with you during the paintball scene

(seriously he wants to be patrick verona so bad)

when it’s over and you ask him what he thought he’ll roll his eyes and say “i guess it could have been worse” but his little smirk let’s you know he enjoyed it a lot more than he’s willing to admit

Tech: 50 Shades of Grey

ok hear me out on this one

tech is a huge movie talker. like subtitles are a non-negotiable if you wanna be able to take in any of the movies dialogue bc tech is most likely gonna make commentary over it the whole time

this makes him absolutely indescribably so much fun to watch bad/corny movies with

he will go off about EVERYTHING. the plot, the dialogue, the acting, the costuming, the music, the production quality. nothing and no one is safe. whether you just enjoy letting him talk at you or you join in on the roast, cheesy movies are a hoot between you two

and honey. 50 shades is one of THE cheesiest movies ever

you and tech will literally spend the entire duration of the movie tearing it to shreds

and the thing is tech is a very sarcastic, funny guy when he wants to be (and when it comes to you he definitely wants to be) so by the end of it he will have you in absolute stitches from laughing at the ridiculousness of both the movie and him

with any of the other batchers watching a movie like this either turns into a shy, slightly awkward experience (wrecker, echo) or an incorrigibly horny experience (crosshair, hunter)

but in this context tech literally has no shame or squeamishness about sexual things (why should he it’s a natural biological process?) so to yall the sex stuff is just another thing to roast

literally christian grey could be fully tying dakota johnson down and flogging her and tech will be like “in the last 3 minutes they have panned up to her nipples 4 times. this is criminally shoddy cinematography”

even tho he’s busy giving a detailed play by play critique, he never fails to keep some sort of physical contact with you (wrapping an arm around you and running his hand up and down your skin, playing with your fingers or your hair) so you know he’s enjoying spending this time with you despite his nasty words about the movie

also 1000% after you watch it tech will do extensive research on the ins and outs of bdsm and will have lots of hypotheses he wants to test out (as long as you’re willing and able ofc) ;)))

Wrecker: 13 Going On 30

of all the bad batch members, wrecker is the only one who unabashedly loves any movie that could be considered a chick flick

like he doesn’t even try to hide it or act like he’s too masculine for it. he loves romance and he’s proud of it

this man will have full marathons with you. rom coms, regular roms, tragic roms, hallmark roms, you name it and he’s game

his absolute favorite tho is 13 Going On 30

i feel like he has a huge soft spot for childhood best friends to lovers stories like he finds that type of lifelong partnership so endearing (and he loves to live vicariously through jenna since that type of romance was obviously never an option for him)

wrecker is also very childlike at heart and i think the idea of a 13 year old sweetheart trapped inside the body of a 30 year old cut throat magazine exec is so amusing to him (and maybe makes him feel just a little bit represented in the media)

he is definitely the type to completely engulf you in a cuddle for the entirety of the movie and he DEFINITELY cries into your shoulder at matty’s wedding when jenna is crying on the stoop with her dream house

he wants to try razzles so bad. like so bad. i think if he ever came across them somewhere he would barter at least one of his brothers for them

wrecker really just loves love and watching movies about it just reminds him of how lucky he is to have his own love story with you <3

Echo: The Princess Bride

i feel like it’s glaringly obvious why echo loves this movie

pirates. sword fighting. decades long revenge plots. the value of an honorable, loyal man. true love that never wavers even in the face of devastating tragedy and the darkest of hardships. clever but goofy humor.

echo considers this an action/adventure movie and NOT a romance movie (even tho it 100% totally is a romance movie) and requests to watch it very frequently

he can quote the whole thing. i’m seriously telling you echo loves the princess bride with his whole chest

even tho he refuses to admit it’s a love story above all else, he really does try to model himself in your relationship after wesley

like especially given what happened at the citadel and all the time you thought he was dead, the cinematic parellels are alive and present in y’alls relationship and he strives to be even half the man to you that wesley is to buttercup

literally in your day to day life he will sometimes respond to your requests with a smooth “as you wish ;)” (it doesn’t matter how many times he does it it still gives you butterflies)

when you watch the movie, he snuggles as close to you as possible and does his best to make youre comfy the whole time (he’s insecure about his prosthetics hurting you no matter how much you reassure him they don’t)

he just loves to be able to feel your heartbeat and your laugh when you giggle at the funny bits

every single time without fail at the part when buttercup is about to stab herself he leans down, ghosts his lips against the shell of your ear, and whispers the line in time with wesley: “there’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. it would be a pity to damage yours”

every single time without fail you wind up making out until he pulls away and tells you to watch the next part when wesley challenges humperdinck to a duel to the pain

echo just loves you to bits and wants you to know he’d endure a thousand fire swamps for you

Omega: Clueless

i have this really specific obsession with omega being a total girly girl and having very traditionally feminine interests as she keeps experiencing the universe and being exposed to a spectrum of gender expression beyond clone (masc and boring) and kaminoan (ugly)

so with that headcanon of her in mind, it’s vital to me that she sees clueless as soon as possible

clueless is an essential piece of media for a girl entering adolescence and i will die on this hill

it has literally everything you want and everything you need to develop into a well-rounded young woman

it’s so deliciously 90s and glamorama and valley girl humor and camp. its got meaningful female friendships and valuable life lessons and paul mf rudd

if there’s one thing you should encourage a burgeoning hetero teen girl to do, it’s to stick to dating guys like paul rudd in clueless. the earlier this message can be broadcast the better

the second you’re able to steal omega away from hunters watchful eyes (“hunter we’re just gonna watch finding nemo i swear!”) you show her this movie

at this point omega is not really a girly girl, but omega also has absolutely zero feminine influence in her life

the first time she sees clueless she is absolutely obsessed. like seriously she is so enamoured with the glitz and glam of cher horowitz

she asks you questions the entire time. she wants to know about EVERYTHING. the makeup, the clothes, the hair, the slang

(she definitely goes around saying stuff like “i’m totally bugging” for long enough afterwards that almost all of the boys have slipped up at least once with some ridiculous valley girl slang. you thought you were gonna die of laughter when you overheard tech say “as if!” to wrecker in the middle of an argument)

it just really introduces her to this whole world of femininity that she didn’t even know existed and she absolutely loves it

she makes you watch clueless with her seriously once a week at minimum. she begs you to style her hair like tai’s and you can’t help yourself when you happen to run across a little yellow plaid dress and buy it for her on sight

(hunter was gonna scold you for recklessly spending credits until he saw how omega almost cried from how happy she was for the gift)

honestly she enjoys the romance of it all and paul rudd is def her first celebrity crush but she enjoys more that you and her now have this special thing of hair and nails and pretty dresses

she loves how confident and beautiful and special you’re able to make her feel, and you love that you get to bring her that small sense of normalcy and happiness

#the bad batch #bad batch #tbb #the bad batch headcanons #tbb crosshair #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #the bad batch x reader #tbb echo #tbb tech #tbb x reader #crosshair tbb #hunter tbb #tech tbb #wrecker tbb #echo tbb #omega tbb #tbb omega #hunter x reader #crosshair x reader #tech x reader #echo x reader #wrecker x reader

[renegadepack]

“things you said in front of other people”

for Bella/Jacob, requested by @teamjacobthot

can’t really write the proposal fic without writing the wedding day fic, right? 

Bella stood in the bathroom of the Clearwater house while Sue tugged at her dress, making sure it was laying just right. Even though it was her wedding, Bella hadn’t wanted to bother with too much hair styling or makeup. Her dress was simple, a light green floor-length dress with long sleeves. The fabric shimmered lightly in the dim bathroom light, but looked breathtaking in daylight. She had fallen in love with it immediately.

Sue straightened up, adjusting the pins in Bella’s hair to hold her veil. Emily, Bella’s maid of honor, walked in. The two had quickly bonded over many days in the kitchen, and now Bella couldn’t imagine her life without the woman who had become like an older sister to her.

“Bella, are you almost ready? It’s about showtime!” she said, taking Bella’s hand. She nodded, her nerves getting the best of her. She had never been too great with attention, but at least she got to do this with Jacob by her side.

They left the house, walking down to the beach where Bella would (finally) be marrying Jacob. Bella looked towards the Black’s house as they passed it; all the lights were off. Seth, Billy, Jacob, and his sisters must already be down at the altar. As they got closer, Bella could hear the murmurs of their small assembly of guests.

“Bella, sweetie, you look beautiful,” Charlie said as he saw them approach. He was standing in front of a few trees at the head of the aisle. They would block Bella from view until it was time. 

“Thanks, Dad,” Bella said, wrapping her arms around him. Sue gave her a kiss on the cheek, then went to take her seat with Harry and Leah in the crowd.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Always. And you?” 

“Don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to watch my little girl all grown up,” he said with a sniff.

“I’m not that little anymore. And besides, you’ve been waiting for this longer than I have. I remember the cheer when you and Billy first realized we were together.” Charlie laughed, then held out his arm for Bella to take as the music started.

“You’ll always be my little girl, no matter what,” Charlie whispered as they took the first few steps down the aisle. 

Bella smiled awkwardly at a few of the guests, not really sure what else to do. Then finally, finally, she looked up and saw Jacob. His smile truly looked like his face would break in half, and there were a few tears in his eyes that he ignored in favor of looking at her. Bella felt herself getting choked up, and she fought it back as best as she could. Billy, in his wheelchair right behind the altar, didn’t bother to hide his either.

After what felt like forever, they reached the altar. Charlie gave Bella a kiss on the cheek, and shook Jacob’s hand, eventually pulling him into a quick hug before heading to his seat.

“Good afternoon, all,” Billy began, greeting the crowd. “Thank you all for coming today. Now let’s get these two crazy kids hitched, shall we?” There were a few chuckles from the crowd, and then Billy began his speech about how he watched both of them grow up, sometimes together, sometimes apart. But they were always better together, and, somehow, they were meant to be in each other’s lives.

“I couldn’t be prouder of the man my son has become, and I couldn’t be happier to have Bella officially become my daughter today,” Billy finished, wiping his eyes. “Now, I believe you have vows to share? Jacob, would you like to start us off?”

“Hell yeah.” He took a piece of notebook paper out of his pocket and cleared his throat. “Bella, my life has always been better with you in it. Whatever loss or pain or heartbreak we’ve endured, I knew I could get through it because I had you. I love your quiet humor, your ability to solve any problem I have, no matter how stupid, and the way you always challenge me to be better. Most of all, I love you because you’ve always been my best friend, and I cannot wait to have you as my wife.” He reached out to wipe a tear from Bella’s cheek. “Love you, honey,” he whispered for just her to hear.

“And Bella?” Billy said after a moment.

Bella took a deep breath before beginning. “Jake, you’ve always been my sun, lighting up my darkest days, even when I didn’t think it was possible, or that I deserved it. Especially when I didn’t think I deserved it. Every day, I love you for making me laugh, for taking care of me, for challenging me to always look for the light. You are my light, and I will follow you anywhere. All I need is you, your smile, and your heart and your laugh, and I’ve found my home. I can’t wait to keep building it with you by my side.”

They quickly exchanged rings, Jacob laughing as Bella almost dropped his in the sand. They fit perfectly.

“Now you’re stuck with me,” Jacob said, staring at the ring glistening in the sun.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she said, squeezing his hand.

“And with all that out of the way, it is my great honor to announce, by the power vested in me by whatever website I got certified on, you are now husband and wife. You may kiss each other.”

And Jacob, cradling Bella’s face in his hands, leaned in for the first kiss of many in their long and happy life together.

more fic // request fic

“things you said” prompts

#bella swan #jacob black #bella x jacob #jacob x bella #twilight #twilight fanfic #twilight headcanons #tts #ttsfanfic #twilightfanfic #twilightfic #renegadefic

[mhdiaries]

SDCC 2015 Kieran Valentine Diary

May 1st

When I left Monster High after Draculaura’s Sweet 1,600 birthday party, I was angry, humiliated and stinky from falling into that pit of eternal body odor. I stank so bad, Mom wouldn’t even let me in the house: I had to sleep in the guest room above the garage. Looking back, I can see it was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. Even my considerable powers to charm were no match for the power of the stench that surrounded me. My powers slowly weakened as I was deprived of what sustained them: the love I selfishly took from others. I was in a stench-induced imprisonment - rarely leaving the garage - but it allowed me time to do some serious thinking, and I realized I wasn’t being true to myself. Then one day there was a knock at my door, and I opened it to see a little old goblin woman with a cane staring up at me through thick glasses. “I’m Mrs. Goblin, but you can call me “Mrs. Goblin.” I’m a friend of your mother’s.” She said, “you need to get out of that room, and I need some help, so let’s go.” She turned and walked off, and, with nothing left to lose, I followed. It turned out that she ran an unwanted-creature shelter and couldn’t keep up with all the cleaning, feeding and daily upkeep. It also turned out that she had no sense of smell. “Lost it back in ‘72,” she told me. Mrs. G. ran me through the daily routines and gave me the tour. “You can start today,” she said as she handed me a mop and a bucket. It’s hard to believe I agreed, but I didn’t have any other options. The shelter was home to an unusual collection of exotic creatures: gremlins, flying monkeys, lap dragons, miniature manticores, and many others that had been picked up as strays or turned in by monsters who didn’t want them. Even though the work was hard, and not always pleasant, I began to look forward to it. In fact, I usually felt more energized after I finished a day than when I started. I felt my powers returning and every day I got stronger. Eventually, I mentioned it to Mrs. Goblin who snickered, “You emotional vampires never get it - stolen love is just empty calories. I’ll never sustain you for long.” She could tell I still didn’t get it. “Love that’s freely given is the most powerful source of energy in the monster universe. You’ve been coming here every day, taking care of these critters, showing them kindness, and the only thing they have to give you is their love - and believe me, they have a lot to give.” I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. I must have been standing there looking stupid because she said, “Close your mouth before the the flies get in and go clean the flying monkey cage. They’ve been throwing stuff again.” I was in a daze. Why had no one ever explained this to me? Rather than dwelling on it, I was just happy I finally knew. 

May 3rd

I now know that I did it - stealing love - because I thought that’s want an emotional vampire was supposed to do. But it never felt quite right. I thought if I kept doing it, it would eventually feel right. But it only made me angry and frustrated. Then when Draculaura called me - well, Toralei, really - I thought that if I could get the heart that got away, it would change me and everything would be fine. But I was just a real pain in the fang to everyone and made a fool of myself. So I’ve come to a conclusion: being myself has to be easier than not being myself, right? Back then, I hated the thought of who I really was, and that conflict made me become someone who wasn’t me. It’s time to be true to myself, but it’s scary. 

July 1st

Today was my one-year anniversary at the shelter. As I left the garage, I ran into Mom. She sniffed. “You don’t stink anymore.” It was true - the stench was gone. I gave Mom a hug and told her it must be due to what I’d learned from working for Mrs. Goblin. I thanked Mom for telling her I needed help. Mom looked at me strangely, “What are you going on about? I don’t know a Mrs. Goblin.” What? I ran to the shelter but when I got there it was boarded up and empty. How could this be? I crawled through a broken out window. A thick layer of dust covered everything and it looked like no one had been there in years. Then I noticed a piece of paper on the table where Mrs. G. used to sit and drink her tea. It was a not addressed to me:

V, 

There’s nothing more I can teach you. The rest will come when you put what you’ve learned into practice. Know that you are loved for what, and who you are.

Sincerely, 

“Mrs. Goblin”

P.S. Do the right thing or I’ll come back and make you clean out flying monkey cages again. 

July 2nd

I decided that I would try and “do the right thing” by heading back to MH to try and make up for my mistakes. I thought if I hid in the shadows and helped the couples of MH, you know be a Cupid to what was my destruction of love, I could make a difference and they would see that I was a changed monster. Well, my intentions were good, but things did not go as I had planned. I kinda, no, did, mess things up. Luckily, it all seemed to work out in the end, I guess, just not as I had hoped. I don’t think any of Draculaura and her friends will ever really trust me. And while I hope one day they can see I have changed, I know it will take time, too. I guess I can’t expect them to just forgive me right away. I will say one good thing hopefully came out of it. While attempting to hide in the shadows I bumped into a student I didn’t recognize. He said his name was Spelldon Cauldronello, he had only been at MH a couple weeks as he had been traveling with his older sister. Meeting him totally made me space and forget to send a text that was supposed to help Clawd. He asked if I went to MH and I said I was just visiting, but I would love to go to MH one day if I can. He said he’d keep me up on the groanings on around the halls if I wanted, so I gave him my number. At least the trip wasn’t a total stake. I do wish I could figure out how to make it up to Draculaura and her friends though. I know now that real friends help each other with their problems, not try to solve them for them.

July 7th

I was tempted to stay in my room today and treat myself to a monstrous blue funk, but, instead, I walked aimlessly outside until I found myself sitting on the beach watching the sun go down. That’s when I noticed something unusual partially buried in the sand. I pulled it out and die-scovered it was an ornate lantern caked with seaweed. I brushed it off... and got the shock of my unlife! The lantern began vibrating and glowing, like I had awakened something inside and it was not trying to get out. I dropped it like it was hot and fell back as smoke swirled up and out of this thing. When the smoke cleared away there was a ghoul floating above me. “I am the djinni of the lantern. What is your wish?”

July 10th

The djinni’s name is Whisp and we have something in common: the direction of our unlives changed because of Monster High. We shared our stories and struggles; neither of us has made the beast decisions, but we both want to be better monsters. We talked so much that Whisp had to remind me I had three wishes. I asked her I should wish for and she said, “I cannot tell you what to wish for, nor can I tell you what not to wish for, but I can say be scareful what you wish for.” I laughed and told her that sounded ominous. She didn’t see the humor in her statement. “Wishes are tricky things,” she replied, “They often have a mind of their own and don’t always come true in the way you expected.” I thought for a moment, and wish I could go back to Monster High and fix the things I had broken. Whisp rose into the air, her eyes glowing, and said, “As you wish.” Instantly, I was back at Draculaura’s Sweet 1600 party, only I was dressed like a repairman - tool belt and all. Headless Headmistress Bloodgood stood in front of me with her hands on her hips. “You need to repair the barrier around the pit of eternal body odor before another monster falls into it!” This wasn’t what I meant by “fixing what I had broken,” and there was no way I was getting close to that pit again. That’s when the other students saw me. A very large minotaur pointed his finger at me, “There he is again! Throw him back into the pit!” I wished myself out of MH and back in my room just in time to avoid another dunking. Two wishes down, one to go.

July 12th

Whisp has been very apologetic but she needn’t be. I wished for something so general that it could have been granted in numerous ways. What I really wanted was a chance to do something unselfish for the monsters I hurt - to give and not take. When I started working for Mrs. G., there were times I wished what someone else would do the dirty work so I could just play with the creatures. Now I know I just wished it to be easy. Whenever I was in the middle of something particularly loathsome, Mrs. G. would cackle, “Sometimes work stinks, doesn’t it?” The first few times she said it, I wanted to drop everything and go home. But I stuck it out, and, although I still have a long way to go, I’m a better monster for it. Unlife is a lot of work and I guess some problems aren’t meant to be solved by wishing them so. Speaking of wishes, I need to think of something non-ambiguous for the last one...

August 1st

I summoned Whisp today to grant my final wish. I admit I put it off because I was being selfish. I’ve never had a friend like her, and once my last wish is granted, the lantern will move on and I will probably never see her again. I considered freeing her from the lantern, but I don’t think she wants that: she loves being a djinni, appearing in new places and granting wishes. But I know she gets lonely at times, so this was my wish: “Whisp, I wish we could always be friends.” Whisp rose up, her eyes glowing: “As you wish!” I could see her smiling as she turned to smoke and returned to the lantern, which shot up and disappeared. I thought for a second that my wish wasn’t granted, but then my iCoffin lit up and I noticed a new app icon that looked like a little mirror. I tapped it and there was Whisp! Now, not matter where in the monster universe she is, we can talk to each other! “Yes, Mother, I’m talking to myself down here.”

#monster high #monster high diary #kieran valentine #sdcc 2015