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#sometimes i feel like my suffering will have been for nothing if i can't make something beautiful out of it
running-in-the-dark · 10 months
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I'm starting to really feel like I might have to like. stop being online. in any form. but especially on social media.
I already don't read the news anymore because it made me too anxious. but social media is basically like the news except worse. at least with the news you know that you're mostly gonna get bad things. on tumblr/reddit/wherever it's a pleasant stream of fun/interesting/entertaining posts and then bam here's some really bad shit that's going to ruin the world as we know it and we're all fucked and there's nothing you can do about it! and right below it is the next cute cat picture or a cool drawing or a silly text post and you just keep scrolling
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gaystardykeco · 8 months
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need to sleep but the Dread is consuming me
#i just feel like smth bad is going to happen tonight. but also i feel like this p often on random nights where nothing bad happens so.#it could be bc i had caffeine this morning and its still fucking with my. brain#or more likely its bc im back on the overnight call list for work starting tonight and continuing the rest of the time i have this job#being able to not be on it while i was on vacation was so nice like i could actually sleep#still couldnt sleep through the night but at least when i did wake up it didnt take me an hour to fall back to sleep#generally when i feel this much dread on a night i can get work calls its bc theres going to be a call sometime between 3 and 6am that nigh#hopefully there wont be but ik this dread and anxietys gonna fuck up my sleep regardless so whatever#i dont really want to move to nyc but if i get this job offer i think i just need to bc this job is fucking me up so bad#if it wasnt for this fucking on call thing itd be tolerable but i just can't handle the on call thing#the fear that ill get a call and not know how to solve the problem and have to call my boss or coworker to help is killing me#ik its stupid but i have really bad anxiety around waking ppl up and asking ppl for help and calling ppl so#perfect combination to make me Suffer ig#and i did try talking to my boss about it and told him it was the reason i was unhappy on the team#and he essentially said i just need to be better at my job so we get less calls and that being on call is essential and unavoidable#if i dont get the nyc job i might need to just quit anyway which i know is pathetic but i just cant handle this on top of the other things#like i cant have no friends and a useless therapist and meds that dont work and no sense of self and a million other things#and then on top of that a job that makes it so i cant even sleep which is the one thing ive always been okay at and not had problems with#i know its so silly and i know i need to be grateful this job pays me well and shut up#i just am so miserable and i need to be able to sleep like i need that one thing please#sorry for being ridiculous and insane i know its stupid to be this upset over this#sorry dkdkjd sorry about all this i genuinely cant believe anyone still follows me when i post this bullshit#hopefully its fairly easy to ignore and everyones just not expanding the tags so im just screaming into the void#cant tell if i really want no one to see this or if im putting it all here all the time so i can pretend someone is reading it and cares#idk im just so tired and so sad and so scared all the fucking time and i think i just dont want to always be alone in it idk#and i know my problems arent real or serious or bad but unfortunately im pathetic and spoiled and theyre destroying me anyway
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Burns Like Rum
Ship: Astarion x female!human!reader/Tav
Summary: Astarion's hunger worsens every day and you don't have any blood to spare—but that doesn't stop you from inadvertently tempting him at every turn. Luckily for both of you, you've both got the same idea to cure him of his hunger.
Word Count: 7,840 words
Warnings: sexual content (18+), menstruating reader, hungry Astarion, mutual pining, possibly OOC dialogue, vampire feeding, soft Astarion, no particular timeline but Astarion hasn't told you anything yet
18+ Warnings: period sex, fingering, oral (f receiving), hand job, bite kink, blood kink, aftercare, use of the words cunt & cock
Note: For my usual readers, more Stranger Things content is coming, I promise! But this bitey boy currently owns my heart so I'm gonna show him some love :)
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☟ Continue below the fold ☟
Astarion was hungry, and it was entirely your fault, for more than one reason.
The first was that, almost a month ago now, you had let Astarion drink from you. He'd been starving, and it didn't help that the others had given him strict rules about feeding, so when he flashed those sad but gorgeous red eyes at you, complaining of hunger, you'd all but gifted him your neck.
He'd practically drained you that night. You had been weak for days. Of course, the others, namely Gale and Lae'zel, were furious with you for letting him drink from you, but the sated, content look on his face after feeding made it all worth it to you. He'd become more comfortable around you after that, too, and you'd considered that an improvement.
It hadn't been all that bad, really, for him to sink his teeth into you and drink until your grip on him had grown so weak that he'd let up to check on you. In fact, it had been...rather pleasant. He'd been gentle, careful, his bite sharp but considerate. You knew then that you'd risk becoming anemic for a week just to feel the pleasure of his hand cradling your neck and head, his mouth against your neck, his tongue soothing the bite he'd left when he'd had his fill.
But in the weeks that followed, his hunger gradually returned, and with a vengeance. It was as if he'd never fed from you at all, suffering hunger pangs he hid from the others—but you noticed, recognizing them from the night he'd begged you to let him drink from you.
You'd offered him more of your blood since then, but he'd refused you every time. He could smell your guilt, your need to make him feel better simply because you felt responsible for his current pain.
"I won't accept blood from someone who feels obligated to give it to me," he'd said, and his tone made it difficult to tell if he was being snide or kind.
Sometimes, you simply didn't understand that man.
And then three days ago, you'd been injured in a fight. It was nothing fatal, the gash in your midsection missing any major muscles and not deep enough to jeopardize your organs, but it was bloody. You'd limped your way back to camp, your head swimming, the world around you growing darker around the edges with every step.
You'd fainted in Astarion's arms—although collapsed was a better word for it, according to Karlach—drenched in blood, some of which was yours and some of which that wasn't.
"You should have seen his face!" Karlach had laughed when you'd woken up the next morning, woozy but fine thanks to Shadowheart. The blood loss kept you off your feet for the day to recover, and Karlach had taken the time to visit you.
"What do you mean?" you asked, although you already had a good idea what might have happened after you passed out.
"You put him in a right pickle, collapsing on him like that, all covered in blood and losing more of it quickly," she said. "He didn't know what to do with you. It was— It was like he didn't want to drop you, but he really did want to drop you, because all he wanted to do was drink from you. Can't say as I blame him—he's not fed in weeks and you turn up with his next meal draining out of you." You hid your face in your hands with a groan. "Why'd you beeline for him anyway? Shadowheart's tent was just a few paces away!"
You glared at her through your fingers. "You know why I went to him, Karlach!" She, of all people, would understand. She had been the first person to find out that, as much as you flirted with them all, Astarion was the one you wanted.
"Well, obviously," she said, "but it didn't occur to you that he might...have an adverse reaction?"
Rolling your eyes, you snarked, "No, Karlach, it didn't, I was bleeding out and suffering from head trauma. I just...saw someone I trusted to keep me safe and ran to him."
She cocked her head to the side. "That's sweet, but stupid."
You snorted. "Yeah, I know—Shadowheart won't stop yelling at me for it."
You hadn't seen Astarion until that night, when the group of you had gathered at the campfire. It hadn't meant to be like that; you'd seen him and had wanted to talk to him, at least apologize for throwing your bloody body at him, but Shadowheart followed you closely to keep you safe and soon the others had gathered.
It had been like a very strange family dinner, made awkward by everyone dancing around exactly why you'd gone to Astarion, knowing a hungry vampire and fresh blood were not a good mix.
The final reason you were making his hunger unbearable made itself known at the end of the night, when it was just you, Astarion, and Shadowheart at the dying fire.
She must have caught sight of the way you kept looking at Astarion out of the corner of your eye, embarrassedly looking away or pretending to gaze into the trees behind him every time he caught you looking. She tapped your shoulder and told you she needed to get rest. The "you should, too" was implied, hanging in the air along with her worry about your healing.
"I'm fine, Shadowheart, really," you insisted. "I won't rip myself open again, I promise."
"I'll keep an eye on her," Astarion promised. "Nothing too...strenuous for her just yet." Something in his voice made you shiver.
She left the two of you alone. You looked first at the fire, then down at your hands, folded in your lap. Anywhere than at him.
You didn't even hear him move. You only knew he had when you felt him sit on the log beside you, one of his hands covering your own.
"Are you alright?" he asked, his voice soft. "I...am sorry I didn't visit you, it's just—"
"It's just that I threw myself at you when it looked like I'd taken a shower in blood and that made things a wee bit difficult?" you interrupted, the words spilling out before you had time to process that you were speaking. Embarrassed heat flushed through you instantly.
But Astarion only gave you that soft, slightly toothy smile. You drank it in, relishing his smile lines and the brief contentment on his face. "Something like that, yes," he said. "I was...worried I might hurt you if I saw you again and you still smelled so deliciously of your blood. I'm so hungry, darling, it's unbearable. All I wanted was to feast until there was nothing left of you, and I'd never forgive myself if I—"
"Stop." You held up your hand. "Please. I don't... Don't be so nice to me, it makes me feel like I'm on my deathbed."
Astarion laughed, throwing his head back. "I'd hardly call wanting to drain you nice, my love." Almost unconsciously, your gaze dipped to his exposed neck and you wondered idly what he would do if you were to bite him back.
Probably the strenuous activity Astarion had promised Shadowheart you wouldn't be doing.
He met your gaze, a sudden depth and seriousness in his crimson stare. "Stick with me, and you might soon be on your deathbed." Pointedly, he broke eye contact with you, letting his eyes drop first to your neck and then further down your body. You tingled, the feeling reminiscent of the anemia that had possessed your body in the hours and days after he'd drank from you.
You realized Astarion was waiting for a reaction from you, hoping for something more than your stunned silence. So you let your eyes drift across his body, resting on his mouth as you said, "Doesn't sound like a bad way to go out."
From the back of his throat came a sound that wasn't quite a growl or a groan, but somewhere in between, just as needy as either sound. "Don't tempt me, darling," he whispered. "I promised Shadowheart I'd keep you safe, and you certainly wouldn't be if I did everything I want."
Your heart skipped a beat. "Astarion..."
He closed his eyes, leaning toward you, releasing a tense breath. "Darling..."
"What if I want to tempt you?" You put your hand on his leg, sliding closer to him.
"Cheeky thing," he said, eyes opening in small slits. "But only when you're healed. I can still smell the blood on you." He sighed. "You have no idea how much restraint it takes not sink my teeth into that pretty neck of yours."
You frowned. "But I am healed," you said. "Just tender. Shadowheart wouldn't have let me leave her tent otherwise."
"I can't blame you for wanting me," Astarion teased, that familiar charm honeying his words, "but I've never been wrong." He cupped your cheek, his touch taking the bite out of his words. He offered you a small, sympathetic smile.
You put your hand to your abdomen, half-expecting to find that your wound had ripped open of its own accord. Your shirt and the bandage beneath it was dry—but a sudden twinge of pain, appearing only once it had been acknowledged, came from lower. You hissed.
Astarion sat up straighter. "What is it? Are you alright?"
"Shit. I think I've figured out why you still smell blood," you said through clenched teeth.
Astarion's eyes dipped to where your hand rested. "It's that time again already, is it?"
"It's early," you groaned. You stood slowly, regretting it instantly.
He tracked you as you moved, his gaze becoming dangerous and predatory. It was the look that had scared you when he drank from you, practically convincing you he wasn't going to stop. Still, his need for you burned through you like rum, its heat spreading through your belly.
"I didn't smell it before, not under all the blood you had on you," he said. His voice was deep, dark, dangerous. "But, oh, darling—I smell it now." He licked his lips and your stomach did flips that were neither pleasant or unpleasant. The hunger in his eyes was palpable
"I, ah, have to go. For your sake and mine. Um. So, uh, goodnight, Astarion. I...I'll see you when this is all over."
He stood up quickly. "Darling, do you need—" He cut himself off as you waved away his concern, crossing the camp to your own tent.
"No! Goodnight!" you called over your shoulder.
Astarion sighed. "...Night."
~❊~
You avoided Astarion like the plague. Well, perhaps not, because while you never wanted to see the disease, you were always on the lookout for your favorite vampire.
You caught glimpses of him through the open flaps of your tent, sauntering by with a swagger you found unfairly attractive. You saw him reading on his own when Shadowheart helped you changed your bandages, his handsome face fixed in concentration. A few hours later, you heard him arguing with Gale about the very same book, which had apparently gone missing, and you hated the flutter in your stomach at the growl in his angry voice.
"Stop that," Karlach said, glancing up at you as the pair of you cooked, Karlach helping you roast root vegetables evenly.
"Stop what?"
"Mooning over him," she said, jerking her head in Astarion's direction.
Your body flushed with heat. "I'm not—"
"You are, and we can all tell, and you should just get it over with, but only if you mean it."
You frowned, tearing your eyes away from the blessed sight that was Astarion basking in the sun. "Sorry, what?"
Karlach sighed. "If you sleep with him—" You spluttered. "—it had better be because you truly want him and not because you're bleeding."
You blinked at her. "Karlach, of course I want him, you've heard me talk about him before this!"
"I know, I know," she relented, "but I have a feeling there's more to our vampire than meets the eye." She glanced over at Astarion. "Just...be kind to him, dear. He's more fragile than he looks."
You followed her gaze over to him. He was stretching, his arms lifted high above his head, undoubtedly oblivious to the two of you watching him. Want and need bubbled up inside of you, both clamoring for Astarion, agreeing that he would fulfill them both. The deep-seated lust you'd had for him since he'd first put a knife to your neck burned even brighter as the breeze that had been kicking up dust all morning played with the silver hair curling around his ears.
His nostrils flared and you knew he'd smelled you. He looked over at you and Karlach and you froze. She waved cheerily, then frowned at you when you didn't move. You swallowed harshly and went back to removing the scales from the fish in your lap.
"He doesn't like not being around you either, you know," Karlach said, returning to the task at hand. "He's always looking at you when you're not looking. You're perfect for each other like that."
"I don't want to make this harder for him by being around him," you said, glancing back over at him. He was watching you as he poured himself a glass of wine. Had it been normal circumstances, when you weren't driving him insane simply by smelling like blood, you would have teased him for day-drinking. "He's already so hungry, I'd only make that worse. It was bad enough I threw myself at him covered in his favorite snack!"
Karlach snorted. The sound of a light laugh floated over to you and you looked up to find Astarion smirking into his goblet. He beckoned you over and your eyes grew wide.
"Excuse me for a moment, Karlach," you said, clearing your throat.
Karlach followed your gaze and giggled. "More than a moment, dear. I'll come back later to help you finish this." She left the log you'd been sharing and you waited until she was in her own tent again before you jumped to your feet and practically ran to Astarion.
"Hello, darling," he purred. "Care for a drink?"
"I could go for a little," you said.
Astarion smiled, that rakish charm summoning warmth that spread through your entire body. "I hope you like red," he said, and put his own goblet to your lips.
You held his gaze as you drank. You saw his nostrils flare, his pupils growing large. You knew he could hear how your heart was racing, could smell your arousal mixing with your blood.
He pulled the goblet away from your lips and took another swig. You licked the red wine off your lower lip and heard the breath catch in his chest.
"You're starving, aren't you?"
"You have no idea," he whispered.
"I might," you said. "Thought I'd say it's a hunger of a different kind."
Astarion's smirk was so wide you could see his fangs clearly. "Oh, really, darling?"
You nodded, taking a step closer to him. He breathed in deeply. "We could help each other, you know. Satiate our hungers."
His eyes grew dark, trained on yours. "Is that so?" He raised his hand, nearly brushing your cheek, but stopped himself just before he touched you. "You'd let me soothe your pain by..." His gaze dropped to your waistline. "...eating from you?"
A tremor passed through you at the sound of his voice, deeper than you'd ever heard it, laced with a danger and a seduction you were embarrassed to find attractive. Your body was tuned to it, his words seeming to drop like a stone from your ears to your core, spreading fire through your veins and melting your organs.
Astarion took a small step closer to you and took your chin in three gentle fingers, tilting your head up toward him. For a moment, you thought he might kiss you then and there. "I'm going to need an answer, darling."
"Yes." You couldn't get the word out fast enough. It came out breathy, nearly lost on the wind still swirling between you.
He chuckled. "Well, then. You asked for it." He dropped the hand on your chin back to his side. "Once everyone else is asleep, come find me. We'll find a quiet place and...have a little fun."
~❊~
Of all the nights, it had to be this one where everyone came to check on you before they went to sleep. Thanks to Astarion avoiding you like the plague when the two of you had become inseparable, your monthly bleed had become public knowledge. So practically everyone in camp came to you with solutions you declined, claiming to feel fine, even though your pain had worsened over the course of the day.
You watched Astarion slink off into the forest after the sun had gone down and waited until the others were sequestered in their tents, nearly an hour later, to pull your boots back on, stand on shaky feet, and follow the path you assumed he'd taken.
You had started to believe you'd taken a wrong turn somewhere when you heard his cool voice from behind you: "There you are. I've been waiting."
Astarion stepped out of the shadows. He ran his gaze over you, observing your slightly hunched stance, your hand on your lower abdomen. Your shoulders relaxed at the sight of him; he looked softer in the moonlight. The silver light fell across his curls and the statuesque panes of his face, somehow making that face that was so gaunt with hunger unbelievably beautiful.
He looked like a poet or a god, even in just the simple shirt he insisted on wearing around camp instead of the finer silks you knew he carried with him. Or perhaps it was the simplicity that made him so godly. You couldn't tell.
A frown graced his brow. "The pain is worse now, isn't it?"
You nodded. "Just a bit."
Astarion left the small hill he stood on and came closer to you. He offered you his hand. "Come on, dear, let me make you feel better."
You let him guide you away from the path you had taken and into a small clearing just a few feet away, conveniently hidden by thickets, trees, and tall grass. He stood aside, letting you take it in for a moment, as if waiting for your approval of the place. You looked down at the mossy ground and decided it would be soft enough.
"Well, this is nice," you said, seconds before you heard fabric rustling. You turned and blinked rapidly at what you saw: Astarion, his shirt now off and in his hands. You watched him lay it down where the ground was most level. Your breath caught horribly in your throat at the sight of the scar covering his back. You fought back the urge to ask, knowing it would only piss him off.
He turned back to you with a smile. "Your bed for the evening, my love," he said, gesturing to it.
"Oh, Astarion, I can't, I don't want to get blood on your shirt. What would the others—"
Astarion cupped your face in one hand. "The others will assume I hunted something and got messy," he said. "And I'll enjoy your scent while I have it."
Flutters in your stomach nearly brought you to your knees. You looked up at him, drawing in a tiny breath, and brought your hand up to hold the wrist that cradled your cheek.
"Please," you whispered, unsure of exactly what you were begging for but knowing what you wanted.
"Promise me you'll tell me if...I'm too much," Astarion said, and you got the sense he'd changed what he was going to say.
You nodded, whispering your promise, and wound your free hand into the hair at the nape of his neck, standing on your tiptoes to push your lips to his.
It was a messy first kiss. It was little more than teeth and spit, but it felt like heaven anyway, because his free arm was winding around your waist and pressing your bodies together, his leg sliding between yours. Bliss spread through you, starting at your core.
Astarion pulled away from you. "Someone's eager, isn't she?"
You whimpered and he stifled it with another kiss, softer than the first. He was gentle, more than you'd expected from a starving man. He cupped the back of your head and your hand dropped to his hip. You opened your mouth to him and reveled in the feeling of his tongue sliding against yours. He made a soft sound of satisfaction and pushed his leg up against your clothed core. You moaned loudly, your grip on him tightening. Need flooded you and your hips pushed down on his leg, finding relief in the pressure.
The two of you pressed your foreheads together, breathing heavily.
"Shh, darling, not too loud. You don't want the others to come investigate, do you?" His cheeky tone suggested he would love it if the others found the two of you like this—or, perhaps, further along.
You wrapped both arms around his neck and buried your head into his shoulder, heat burning through you, a mix of embarrassment and pleasure. You felt like there was a pendulum inside you, swinging constantly between wanting to slow down, afraid of coming off as too eager, and desperately needing him to get to it.
Astarion chuckled. "Don't hide, love." He smoothed his hand over your hair. "You do trust me, don't you?"
You kissed his shoulder and heard his breath catch. "With my life, Astarion."
"Are you ready?"
You nodded and he walked you over to his shirt and helped you to sit on it. He watched you lay down, his gaze falling your exposed neck. There was something more than hunger in his eyes; it made your breathing hitch.
Astarion crawled over you and placed his hand underneath your head before he kissed you. You draped your arm over his shoulders, holding him close to you, enjoying the soft touch of his lips against yours. It was chaste, as were the next few that followed it in quick succession, one after the other.
One hand slid down your body and stopped at the hem of your trousers. He tugged at the shirt tucked into them. "Darling? May I?"
"Please do," you said.
"Arms up."
He pulled the fabric over your head and tossed it to the side. He looked down at your torso from where he straddled your hips. His hands skimmed over you and he leaned down, pressing more gentle kisses to your neck and collarbones. Your body tingled with remembrance, practically yearning to feel his fangs sink into your neck, to feel your blood leave you with a burning that felt like intoxication.
"Astarion." His name was a breathy cry on your lips, and you saw how much he liked the sound of it when he looked up at you, a smile curving onto the lips still pressed to your skin.
"Yes, dear?"
You gently coaxed him back up to you with your hand on his chin. "Let me kiss you."
He smiled, brighter than the moonlight falling around you, and you pressed your mouth to his. He hummed happily into your mouth, a pleasant sensation that made you reluctant to break the kiss. But you did, kissing along his jaw and down his neck instead. You nipped gently at his neck, pulling a surprised laugh from him.
"Really, darling? Biting the vampire?" Astarion's eyes were sparkling with amusement. His face had relaxed into an easy smile. It was a good look on him; you liked it.
You giggled and placed another kiss over the bite. The pair of you rolled onto your sides and you peppered his chest with kisses, your arm wrapped loosely around his waist. You went back up to his neck and sucked lightly.
"So much for the others not knowing," he teased.
You looked at him through your lashes. "What if I want them to know?"
"Cheeky little thing," he whispered, dragging a finger down the side of your face. "As much as I love this—and believe me, I do love this—I can't wait any longer. I'm starving, darling. Let me taste you. Please."
Slightly subdued, you rolled onto your back. "Alright," you whispered, your chest tightening in anticipation.
Astarion climbed on top of you again. He undid the laces at the front of your trousers and slipped his hand inside them, moving slowly and keeping his eyes locked on yours.
The moment two of his fingers slid between your wet folds, your eyes fluttered shut and a happy sigh slipped from your lips.
"There she is," he whispered, his eyes half-lidded, as he worked you gently and slowly. You felt the blood and arousal gather on his fingers as he grew closer to your entrance. He dragged them back up to your clit and rubbed in a slow circle. You gasped, arching into his touch. Astarion giggled. "Oh, you like that, don't you?"
You wriggled underneath him, trying everything in your power to get more of his touch. He smiled down at you, kissing your cheek and cooing softly at you. If he spoke words, you didn't hear them, too lost in the pleasure he easily, skillfully, brought to you.
Without warning, Astarion plunged both fingers into your entrance. You moaned, grabbing at his hair. He chuckled, curling his fingers inside you. Whimpers slipped past your lips; you couldn't have controlled them if you tried, but you were by no means trying. His smile grew with every sound you made, and you wanted nothing more than to see that smile.
Just as suddenly as he'd pushed his fingers in, he pulled them out. You whined instantly but he shushed you and removed his hand from your pants. A small streak of blood was left on the skin of your stomach as he raised his hand to his mouth. You watched raptly as he licked your blood from his fingers, never once breaking eye contact with you.
He wasn't even touching you and the fire in your belly grew at the sight.
Astarion moaned softly around his fingers. You watched his deft tongue catch every drop of blood, thinned by your arousal, from his hand. He whispered your name in a whine and you let go of a long breath.
Once he'd licked his fingers clean, he bent down and yanked your trousers off your legs. You spread them automatically and he put one leg between them. He pulled off your undergarments and sat back, admiring your naked body with a satisfied smirk.
"Look at you," he whispered.
The need for him to touch you won out over the desire for him to keep staring at you. "Astarion." His name was a loud whine, emphasized by your writhing hips.
He chucked. "Needy girl." His hand returned to your cunt, his palm applying pressure to your clit while his fingers toyed with your bloody folds. His eyes practically rolled into the back of his head, the smell of blood so heady even you could smell it.
He teased your entrance for a moment and pulled his fingers back up, the tips of them coated in thick blood that looked black in the night. He sucked it from his fingers with a toothy smile, his fangs peeking out over his bottom lip.
You pushed your hips up enough to catch his eye. "Please," you whimpered.
"Alright, love, alright," he said. He put his hand back and slipped his fingers back inside you. Relief curled through you—as did his fingers. "I'll starve myself a bit longer for your pleasure."
You cupped his neck and brought his face to yours and kissed him fiercely. He made a surprised but pleased sound into your mouth and quickened his pace. You gasped against his lips and he ducked his head to your neck, kissing you quickly with every curl of his fingers.
You twisted your fingers through his hair, rapidly kissing the top of his head, pushing your hips up into his hand. He chuckled, his breath ghosting over your skin and raising goosebumps. You shuddered in his arms.
"I've got you," he murmured, sucking a light mark into your neck. You felt his teeth prick you and saw the shudder that passed through his body at the tiny droplets of blood that appeared.
He pulled away from your neck and curled his fingers just so. You groaned.
"Astarion!" you cried, throwing your head back.
He grinned and quickened his pace. You sucked in a deep breath, fighting back tears of pleasure.
"Let go, darling," he whispered. "I've got you."
Astarion looked back down at your neck. He locked eyes with you as he pressed his tongue to your skin, slowly licking up the droplets as they began to run down your neck. The combination of his intense stare and the movement of his fingers was all you needed; with a loud cry, you came on his fingers, your walls clenching so hard around him he could hardly keep moving them.
He chuckled. "That's it, dear, that's it." He cooed softly, helping you through it with his voice, his soft touch, and gentle kisses to your lips.
You were breathing hard when he finally pulled his fingers out of you. You whimpered at the slight pain but realized your cramps had all but disappeared.
Judging by the state of his hand, you didn't want to know how bloody his shirt was. It looked as though he'd reached into someone's chest and ripped their heart out; his hand was drenched and rivulets of blood ran all the way down to his elbow.
Astarion giggled at the sight while you burned with embarrassment. "Well, well, well. Someone's happy, isn't she?"
"So are you," you said, nodding to the bulge in his pants.
He grinned. "Well, what did you expect? You were quite vocal, my needy little thing." His eyes drifted back down to your cunt, lust curling through his gaze. "Tight and wet and utterly desperate for me."
He licked a stripe up his hand, his eyes fluttering shut. "Oh, darling, you taste good." He sucked your blood off of every finger, pleasure sliding over his face.
You smiled. "There's more where that came from."
Astarion raised one perfect brow. "Can you handle another little death?" he teased.
You nodded. "I can take a few more."
He chuckled and groaned at the same time. "Oh, my love, don't make promises you can't keep."
You met his gaze as he finished cleaning off his hand. "Believe me, I can keep it."
The vampire grinned. "Very well, then. I'll eat good tonight."
He kissed you chastely as he put his hand between your legs again.
Astarion brought you pleasure unlike anything you'd ever felt before as his fingers slid over your blood-slick skin, teasing your folds and entrance with a smirk, often just barely inserting the tip of his finger before pulling it out again and tracing over your clit and smearing blood across your skin. He kissed and sucked on your breasts, leaving darkening bruises and tiny scratches from his teeth, licking up the tiny beads of blood that sprung from each nick. He kissed along the line of scarring and stitches you had gotten from your injury, fading fast but still a reminder of what had gotten you on your back for him in the first place. Now that he'd eaten a little, he was intently focused on bringing you to the edge and pulling you back, again and again and again.
He worked another orgasm out of you and was on his way to coaxing out the third when you stopped him.
"Is it too much?" he asked, frowning. His unbloodied hand moved to rest on your hip, his thumb smoothing over your skin. His eyes searched your face, looking for anything to tell him why you'd stopped him.
You shook your head. "I need more, Astarion," you gasped, slurring his name into Astari. The unintended nickname made him blush. "I need more of you. Please. Please."
The smile returned to his face, cockier than before. "Oh, darling. I need more of you, too," he said, looking into your cunt and licking his lips. "I could just eat you up."
You spread your legs wider. He settled between them. "Please do."
He breathed in deep and his eyes practically rolled back into his head. "You're going to be the death of me— Ah. Well, you would be, if I was alive."
You frowned. "Would this even be happening if you were alive?"
Astarion thought for a moment. "Let's not think about the logistics," he decided and licked the drying blood from his fingers off your abdomen. Your body trembled. He lifted your legs over his shoulders. You squeaked and smiled at him.
"Lay back," he whispered. You obliged him.
Wet warmth touched your skin just above your clit and you glanced down at him, watching him slowly lick the drying blood from your skin. He kissed your skin as he cleaned it, leaving you covered in slowly darkening bruises.
You stared at the stars as he pressed a soft first kiss to your clit. You let out a slow breath and he began to suck, his lips closing around it, his tongue licking light stripes.
You pushed your hips against his mouth. "Circles," you whispered.
"As you wish," he said, his breath fanning over your cunt and making you tremble. He went back to his feast, licking in circles this time, and you let out a soft whimper. You reached down and he reached up, lacing your fingers together and squeezing your hand. You squeezed back.
He moved further down until his nose bumped your clit and his lips found your entrance. He moaned, the sound deep and guttural, at the taste of your blood. He lapped at your entrance, his tongue sweeping up the blood as soon as it collected there. You shuddered, your breaths coming in heaves.
Astarion kissed your entrance once before he dove in, pushing his tongue into your cunt. You gasped and he laughed and buried his face in you.
Through the pleasure, you wondered dimly how he was breathing (did he, as a vampire, need to breathe?), but the thought was pushed away the moment his splayed fingers on your hip dug into your flesh and pulled you even closer to his mouth.
The sounds you were making were obscene: your moans were loud and coarse, and your cunt squelched lewdly as he drank your blood and arousal. You felt filthy, aware that the mix was running down your legs and buttocks but knowing the vampire eating you out was enjoying you too much to care.
Astarion himself was quite vocal, moaning into you and making you shiver. He whimpered, whined, groaned, and keened, growing louder with every swallow of blood. He alternated between watching you writhe and squeezing his eyes shut in pleasure.
You watched his hand slide from your hip to his bulge. He palmed himself through his trousers, hissing in pleasure, and the sight was enough to send you over the edge for a third time.
But Astarion didn't let up. He lapped at you, sucking so harshly your pleasure bordered pain, until your legs stopped shaking and your breathing evened out.
He lifted his head with a grin. "How do I look?"
You looked at him and started laughing. He was the smiliest you had ever seen him, his eyes practically glowing, and the lower half of his face was covered in your blood. His teeth were stained red and sticky blood dripped slowly from his fangs. It ran down his chin in rivulets and splatters dotted his lower cheeks like freckles. Some of it was even in his hair.
"You're ridiculous," you giggled. "And a messy eater."
He snorted. "Excuse you!"
"It's all over your face!"
He sat up with a grin, licking his lips. "You mean you are all over my face."
Satisfaction curled through you. "Yes," you said, reaching for him. He took your hand again. "Yes I am."
He wiped his face with his hand and licked it clean once again. You reached up and wiped some off on your thumb, then held it out to him. He took your thumb into his mouth and sucked. Your heart stopped beating.
"Feeling better?" he asked you, lightly placing his palm over your abdomen, applying a little pressure, and rubbing gentle circles.
"Much better," you said. "Thank you. But, ah..." Your gaze drifted from his beautiful, if slightly pink, face and down to his bulge. It was just as, if not more, prominent now that he'd gone down on you. "What about you?"
Astarion smirked. "I like your enthusiasm, but don't worry about me. Not tonight, darling."
You frowned. "Why not? What if I want you inside of me?" You walked two fingers up his leg and slowly covered his crotch with your palm. When he didn't protest and his eyes fluttered shut, you gave him a gentle squeeze. He let out a soft moan through closed lips and tilted his head back. You kissed the column of his neck and bit down gently. You sucked—hard—and a rumbling moan came from his chest.
"Because," he said finally, drawing in a ragged breath. "Because that would be a terrible waste of your precious blood." He looked at you with half-lidded eyes. "When this is over, I promise you, you can have as much of me as you want." He pushed his hips into your hand and you gave him another gentle squeeze. He gasped.
You nuzzled into him and his arm wrapped around your shoulders, holding you there. "And what if I want all of you?"
The question hung in the air. He looked at you for a long time and suddenly you saw the fragility Karlach had mentioned this afternoon, which felt like years ago instead of mere hours. You reached up to cup his cheek and, though you were stark naked, the sexual desire in the air seemed to have disappeared.
"I want all of you, Astari," you whispered. The nickname made his eyes grow wide. "All of you, in every way, for as long as possible. If you'll let me. If you want me, too."
He whimpered, and the sound was broken. You hated hearing that pain coming from him. "I want you, I do, I just..." He closed his eyes and you were suddenly very sure there was a darkness, a secret, he was trying to hide from you. You were certain it had to do with his vampiric master he'd so often complained about. "I'll try, my darling, I'll try for you."
You sat up on your knees and cupped his face in both hands and kissed him. You didn't break the kiss once as you pressed your body against his and held him tightly. You felt the scar on his back and wanted to ask but didn't, letting him keep his secrets for now.
His arms came around you, cradling your back and holding you tight to him. The kiss became a long-lasting hug, the both of you burying your heads in each other's shoulders until Astarion pulled away from you, a smile on his face. You returned that smile and sat back on your heels.
His eyes trailed over your body again. There was a note of nervousness in his voice as he asked, "Darling, would you mind...touching me again? I could use some relief."
You grinned. "Of course, my love. All you had to do was ask."
Relief crossed his face. He leaned back as you trailed your hand from his shoulder, down his chest, and back to his bulge. You tipped his head back with your free hand and kissed his neck while you rubbed him. He pushed his hips into your hand, sighing blissfully, and your hand was in his trousers in seconds. He grew loud, thrusting his cock into your hand with a power that surprised you.
"Take what you need," you told him, your voice hushed, your lips directly next to his ear. "Help me give you what you want."
He whimpered, your name a broken cry from his lips, and he cuddled into you as he came. He buried his head into your neck, hiding his eyes and barely holding back grunts. As his thrusts grew weaker and you slowed your hand on him, you felt hot tears on your neck and wondered what this poor man had been through that he hadn't yet told you.
You removed your hand from his pants and he immediately wrapped you in another hug, one strong enough to knock you down and knock the breath of you. You held him as tightly as he held you.
When Astarion at last pulled away from you, his tears had stopped but his eyes still shone with them. He kissed you softly.
"Thank you," he whispered. "I... Thank you."
You brushed some of his hair from his face. "What's wrong?"
He shook his head. "Nothing. You were... It's just that no one has cared about me during sex in a very long time and...you did. So...thank you."
You took his hand and squeezed it. "Oh, Astarion," you cooed. "I always care about you. Like this or otherwise. You could stop this right now—or before it even began—and I wouldn't have stopped caring about you."
He smiled. "Oh, darling. I love the sentiment, but I'm not done with you yet."
Astarion kissed down your body and laid between your legs again. He licked another stripe up your cunt and you saw the coating of blood on his tongue before he swallowed. "Shall we try for a fourth? Or perhaps even a fifth?" He raised his brow, leaving the decision up to you.
You laid back. "We'll try for as many as you'd like," you said.
He bared his teeth in a feral grin. "All night it is!"
~❊~
You woke up the next morning sore and alone and with very little sleep.
Astarion had been relentless and stopped only when you simply couldn't take it anymore and he was practically drunk on your blood—all without making you bloodless and woozy. When you had finished for the final time, he had cleaned you up, helped you back into your clothes, picked up his own shirt, and walked you back to camp. He was so gentle that you didn't even mind the teasing about how you limped.
Dawn hadn't been far off as you each went back to your tents after exchanging a final, solid kiss. So you woke to the sound of everyone else beginning their day just a few hours later.
You felt the soreness in your core before you even moved. Biting back a sigh and not regretting it one bit as you pictured Astarion's happy, bloody face, you rolled over and hoped your recent injury would be enough for the others to let you sleep in.
You were wrong.
Shadowheart opened your tent a few minutes later with a urgency that made you jump.
"What? What's wrong?" you asked, blinking blearily in the bright sunlight.
"Are you alright? You never sleep in, you're always up making breakfast!"
You groaned. "Is that it? Are you just hungry?"
She peered at you. "Are you hurt? Did your wound reopen?"
"What? No! I'm fine, I'm just tired, that's all! I have lost a lot of blood recently, in case you forgot."
She sighed. "Oh. Alright. Well, just know the others are worried, too—Astarion especially."
You remembered how he'd checked in on you last night and had asked if he'd hurt you at all when you'd returned to camp and wondered if you had worried him by sleeping in. Suddenly you were grateful the others could chalk it up to his not-so-secret crush on you.
You dressed and hid the light bruises on your neck and collarbones in a high-collared shirt. You only noticed you were walking with a slight limp still after you'd left your tent and made your way across camp.
Karlach called your name and was at your side immediately. "You're limping! Are you hurt? Do you need me to fetch Shadowheart?"
You blinked at her. "What? No. I'm fine!"
"You don't look fine," Gale said, a few feet away, looking up from the book he'd been engrossed in for days. "Did you hurt your leg the other day? Or have your stitches ripped?"
"My, my," said a suave voice behind you. You turned and found Astarion grinning like a cat. "You do have quite the limp, there, darling. Are you sure you're alright?"
You huffed at him, your body remembering his touch immediately, his ghostly hands sliding across your skin. "I'm fine, I promise. Now hush and someone help me make breakfast."
Both Karlach and Astarion sat with you, Astarion very close to you and giving you a smile you couldn't help but return. Karlach stared at Astarion like he'd grown two heads, her gaze flickering between the two of you. She gasped very suddenly.
"Not a word," you hissed at her, knowing she'd figured it out.
Astarion smirked.
"And nothing from you, either," you added. "You're the reason I'm walking like this, you bastard."
He smiled sweetly at you, catching the fondness in the words. "And I gladly will be again." He took your hand and lifted it to his mouth, kissing it. Your eyes grew wide.
Karlach squeaked.
"You know nothing," you told her. "At least for a little while."
"Yes," Astarion agreed. "At the very least, tell Shadowheart nothing—I broke my promise to her to keep our dear girl from doing any strenuous activity."
You turned red and Karlach groaned, "Not before breakfast, please!"
Astarion opened his mouth—undoubtedly to say something about how you were technically his breakfast, based on the hour you'd returned to camp—but you moved quicker than he could speak. You grabbed him by the collar and yanked him toward you, kissing him heartily to shut him up.
A heavy silence settled over camp. You cracked one eye open and found the rest of your companions staring at the pair of you, mouths agape and eyes wide.
"Oops," Astarion muttered, sounding rather pleased.
You cleared your throat. "I, ah, I've been meaning to tell you all. Honestly."
Gale heaved a sigh. "How much do I owe you, Wyll?"
Your jaw dropped open. "You placed bets?!"
"Alright, you bloodsucker," Wyll said, holding his hand out and waiting for his payment from Gale. "You win."
"Yes," Astarion said, and you expected him to be wearing a smirk infused with his charm, his triumphant eyes on the others. But when you turned to him, he was staring at you, a dopey smile fixed on his face. "Yes, I did."
☞ ❊ ☜
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Baldur's Gate 3 // Astarion Acunin
part 2 (Sweet Like Wine) {here}!
Taglist: {comment and let me know if you'd like to be added to the Astarion taglist!}
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ellemj · 4 months
Text
Needs & Wants - Sex Pollen Trope Pt. 2
Bucky Barnes x Reader
**If you haven't read Pt. 1 yet, READ IT FIRST.**
Summary: You fight the effects of the chemical compound for as long as you can, until Bucky makes you an offer that your body can't seem to refuse. But, you each have a rule that the other has to follow.
Warnings: this one is a huge fucking tease, I'm so sorry (I won't be sorry when I release part 3 tonight), masturbation, talk of unprotected sex, profanity, use of y/n, MINORS DNI, 18+!!!
Feel free to comment and let me know if this requires more warnings.
Word Count: 4k (I just couldn't stop the build up)
Author's Note: I cannot believe the overwhelming response on part one of this, I was just in a silly goofy mood and decided to finally use my Tumblr for something other than reading y'alls AMAZING fics every night before bed. I didn't expect anyone to really even see it. My heart is racing as I get ready to post this rn lmao. PLEASEEE tell me what your fav part of this one is, I have to know. Part 3 will be out tonight, I can't make you guys wait too much.
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            Bucky’s resolve has been steadily crumbling for the past hour, and truthfully, he’s barely placing any blame on the chemical compound that’s interacting with the serum coursing through his veins. He’s placing the blame on you and the needy, whimpering noises that you’ve been making for the last forty-five minutes. After the video conference with Bruce and Tony ended, you were quick to lock yourself in one of the bedrooms of the safe house. You didn’t even say another word to Bucky, you just stood up from the couch with one hand clutched over your stomach, and hurried off down the hall. He wanted to say something to you, but what the hell was he supposed to say? I’m sorry that we’re in this situation? That wouldn’t help a damn thing. You’re in it and there’s nothing either one of you can do except pray that you’ll have enough self-control to make it through the night with your doors still locked.
            Bucky sat on the couch for a few minutes after you left, replaying Tony’s last warning to you in his head. You won’t feel relief until your body thinks it has a chance of reproducing, until semen is introduced into your system. It made him feel like shit. He can find relief on his own, he can take care of himself tonight, but you? You’ll suffer for a minimum of eight hours, possibly nearing death, alone behind a locked door. It’s not that he thinks you can’t handle yourself. He’s perfectly aware of how capable you are at handling practically anything. He’s been your partner in the field for two months now and he’s never once had a doubt about your skills, your ability to tolerate pain, or even the split-second decisions you have to make sometimes during missions. You might give each other shit the majority of the time that you’re working together, but when it comes down to it, you trust each other with no reservations. So, why then, does he find himself so fucking worried about you?
            He’s been locked in the bedroom across the hall from yours for the past hour now. He thought maybe things wouldn’t be so bad when he heard you tucking yourself away into bed, when he heard you go still and silent for a few minutes. It was smart of you, trying to sleep as much as you could before the chemical fully set in and began to wreak havoc within your body. But after only fifteen minutes, he heard the faintest sound carrying across the hall. He wasn’t sure what it was at first, thinking maybe you’d gotten up to use the bathroom and it was the creak of a floorboard or maybe a door hinge. It was wishful thinking. The second time he heard it, he was sure. You were whimpering in your sleep. For a few moments, he was able to deceive himself into thinking it was whimpers of pain, maybe from your stomach aching in your sleep. When you grew louder, the sounds of your soft, breathy moans mixing with the sound of the sheets rustling as you tossed and turned restlessly, that’s when his resolve began to break apart piece by piece. He sits on the side of his bed in total darkness. His shirt and tactical pants are strewn across the floor where he previously discarded them when the heat emanating from his body became too much to bear. His hands grip the edge of the mattress with enough force to break through the layers of fabric there, but he fears that if he lets go, the next thing his hands will grip will be either his cock or the two door knobs separating you both. Focusing on your suffering is keeping him from feeling his own pain, but the noises you’re making are making it significantly harder for him to ignore the needs that are bubbling to the surface within him. Shit. How the fuck did he end up in this situation with you?
            You awake suddenly, drenched in sweat, your sweats especially making you feel like damp towels are wrapped around your legs. You waste no time throwing the covers back and ripping your sweats off, tossing them onto the floor and moving your hair to lay it across your pillow so it’s not sticking to your neck. Fuck HYDRA. Fuck Zemo for killing Dr. Nagel. Obviously, you wouldn’t have wanted him running around recreating the super soldier serum either, but if he was still alive maybe you wouldn’t be lying here in this state. You take a deep breath in, counting to three in your head as you breathe it back out. Focusing in on your symptoms, you try to make a mental list. You think that maybe if you can remind yourself of the science behind the symptoms, you won’t become an irrationally horny mess, you can just reason your way out of the most intense arousal you’ve ever felt in your life. Sweating, tachycardia, abdominal cramping, bone pain…you stupidly let your right hand slide down between your legs. Your fingertips briefly grace the exterior fabric of your black boyshort panties, feeling how wet they are adds another symptom to the mental list, not that you needed to feel it to know. Arousal.
            You lean over to the bedside table and feel around blindly for your phone. The screen illuminates and you see that it’s only 10 pm. You’ve only been sleeping for an hour. The chemical compound isn’t even at its peak activity level yet and you’re already beginning to feel a type of desperation that you haven’t felt before. You need relief. Tony’s words swirl around in your mind, making you feel lightheaded and making you want to hunt him down and make him take the words back by force, like that would change the reality of the situation you’re currently in. You won’t feel relief until your body thinks it has a chance of reproducing, until semen is introduced into your system.
            You could try finding relief on your own. Tony isn’t lord over all things scientific. When has he ever dealt with a compound like this before? Never. He doesn’t know shit. You’re trying so hard to convince yourself that he could be wrong. Sitting up in bed, you reach over and flip on the lamp that sits on the bedside table, casting a pale glow across the room. You will yourself to think clearly, to make a plan and implement it. You can fight this. You need something that’ll take down your body temperature, slow your heart rate, and ease some of the pain you’re feeling everywhere. A cold shower.
            Bucky listens intently as you open your door and your feet patter softly down the hall. He listens as you shut and lock the bathroom door behind you and then as you turn on the shower. He mentally curses his heightened sense of hearing when he hears the tussle of your clothes hitting the floor. He’s been ignoring his hardening cock as it grows beneath the black fabric of his boxers. He’s been ignoring it because he feared if he tried to relieve himself, you’d likely hear him across the hall and he’d never let himself live it down. He can’t be the first one to break. But maybe, with you being in the shower, you wouldn’t be able to hear anything coming from his room. Why the hell are you even in the shower? He imagines the pain you’re in would make it hard for you to stand in there for very long, and it’s not like a shower is going to give you much relief at all. He can’t wonder for more than a quick moment, before the chemical begins to really cloud his mind, his clear thoughts becoming hazy behind thoughts of chasing relief. Fuck it. You won’t hear a damn thing.
            Bucky sighs deeply as his lays back on the bed, still in darkness, pushing his boxers down a few inches and freeing his hard length. His flesh hand quickly wraps around it, giving it a slow stroke from base to tip, pre-cum quickly coating his fingers.
            “Oh, fuck.” He groans lowly. It’s never felt like this before. It’s as if every nerve in his body has shifted, has traveled down to embed in his cock. His head falls back into his pillow, his eyes squeezing shut at the sensation of his shaft finally being handled. He works his fist up and down, picking up speed and reveling in the feeling of temporary relief. As he strokes his cock, he feels the pain throughout his body slowly dissipating, easing up but not fully disappearing. Before he can stop himself, he’s picturing exactly what you’d look like right now. Your perfectly toned body standing under a stream of water, your hands running down your smooth skin, your eyes closed as you let the shower wash away your discomfort. He feels guilty. Truly, he does. But it's as if he has no control over his thoughts when his hand is on his cock and his veins are corrupted with a potent chemical from hell. Especially not when you’re naked a mere ten feet down the hall. As Bucky nears his climax, his balls tightening and his cock twitching in his hand, a loud crash resounds throughout the house and he’s brought back to reality. He’s on his feet, his boner tucked reluctantly away in his boxers, and his bedroom door flying open in less than two seconds, fearing the worst. He thinks you must’ve passed out from the effects of the chemical, fallen in the shower, maybe split your head open. When he reaches for the bathroom door knob and finds it locked, he’s giving no second thought to breaking the door down. Hell, he decided he was going to break it down before he ever left his room. He takes one step back, ready to use his leg to kick through it, when he hears the shower water cut off and the curtain pull back.
            “Y/n?” His voice is laced with concern and it takes you by surprise. You’d only been standing in the ice-cold shower for two minutes when you realized it wasn’t going to do shit for you. You aren’t usually one to lose your temper, but feeling so hopeless and helpless, your only plan failing to provide you with any relief, you ended up slamming your fist into the tiled shower wall out of pure frustration. You didn’t do it hard enough to really hurt yourself, but apparently hard enough to alarm Bucky.
            “You’re supposed to be locked in your room.” You call out, your voice coming out a little timid and quieter than you intended. Wrapping a towel around yourself, you step out of the shower and examine yourself in front of the bathroom mirror. Your cheeks are still flushed, your pupils are dilated so much that you’re surprised the lights aren’t hurting your eyes yet, and your rapid pulse is nearly visible in your neck. You let your hair down from the bun you threw it up into for the shower and then pull on the same shirt and damp panties you had on moments earlier.
            “I thought you fell.” Bucky says quietly, barely above a whisper. You can tell he’s standing close to the door. You’ve never heard him speak so softly. You freeze, your hands clutching the edge of the bathroom sink as your body responds to his voice, against your rational mind’s will. You feel a familiar heat gathering between your legs and you squeeze your thighs together. He needs to go back to his room. Now.
            “Bucky, go back to bed.” Your voice is firm, without a single hint of hesitation. Bucky knows that he should heed the warning. He knows he should turn around right now and go back and lock his door. Instead, he stands there in the hallway with his cock straining against the fabric of his boxers and a conflicted expression on his face. You said earlier that your only option was to lock yourselves in your respective rooms and ride it out until morning. Was that really the only option though? He could easily think of a few more options, though admittedly, he might not be thinking with his brain anymore.
            “You have to go back to your room before I come out.” You’re starting to sound like you’re pleading with him. As much as you want to act strong and like you have all of the self-control in the world right now, you’re worried that if you step out into the hall and see him, you won’t be able to stop yourself from reaching out for him. You want to feel his skin beneath your hands as you run your palms from his shoulders, down his chest, straight to the waistband of whatever the hell he’s wearing right now. You want to have him completely bare in front of you, with nothing stopping you from dragging him straight to your bed to find the relief that you both so desperately crave right now. A sharp pang in your lower stomach causes you to let out a soft groan, and the sudden inhale you hear from Bucky through the door doesn’t go unnoticed.
            “Not until I see that you’re okay.” Bucky says, still worried that you fell in the shower or hurt yourself somehow. Not wanting to waste any more time letting the chemical stew in your reproductive system, you flip the bathroom light off so you’re thrown into darkness, before unlocking the bathroom door and pulling it open slowly. You can just barely make out his form in the dark hallway, the curve of his broad shoulders, the glint of the black and gold vibranium making up his left arm, and fuck…the ripples down his abdomen. You’ve always thought he was frustratingly attractive, but now? Just looking at him has you insatiable. You realize quickly that he’s not wearing anything except a pair of black boxers and his dog tags. He’s really not making this easy on you. Your eyes flutter closed and you sigh, telling yourself to suck it up and walk past him. Just walk past him. But now you what he looks like with nearly no clothes on, and he’s so close to you. So. Damn. Close. A foot away from you, to be exact.
            “I’m fine, just go back to bed.” You whisper. You don’t trust yourself to speak any louder, worried that raising your voice might awake something much more primal within yourself.
            “Look at me.” He says, matching your whisper volume. Shit. Shit, shit. Shit. No.
            “Don’t—” You’re cut off by the feel of his cool vibranium fingers wrapping around your right hand, lifting it so he can see it better. You suck in a harsh breath at the contact. It shouldn’t turn you on as much as it does, it’s not even what you need. You need skin. You need him against you. But something about the cool metal contrasting against the warmth of your heated hand feels electrifying.
            “Did you punch the wall?” He questions, examining your reddened knuckles with narrowed eyes. Your eyes remain closed as you nod your head, and he takes the moment to scan his eyes down your body. Your t-shirt skims along the tops of your thighs and he knows if you turned around, it wouldn’t even fully cover the curve of your ass. Fuck, he wants you to turn around. He drops your hand as quickly as he first grabbed it, letting it fall back to your side as he begins running his flesh hand through his disheveled hair.
            “On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?” Bucky has to know. He knows how high your pain tolerance is, he knows how good you are at putting on a brave face in the worst situations. He has to know how much you’re really suffering right now before he makes an offer that he can’t take back.
            “Four.” You fib, pressing your lips together and daring to open your eyes and look back at him. Your eyes have adjusted to the dark a little more and you can see the sweat glistening across his chest, his quick breaths drawing your attention straight to his pecs.
            “Don’t lie to me.” His gaze hardens. He hates that you’d try to lie to him. Do you really not trust him enough to just be open with him? Jesus, he’s standing in front of you in his fucking boxers with a hard-on that you haven’t even noticed yet and somehow you feel the need to keep things from him, like he isn’t just as vulnerable as you are right now.
            “Seven.” You admit truthfully. The pain in your stomach has intensified, and all you want to do is curl into a ball right there on the floor. You feel like you’ve been doused in gasoline and lit on fire, you feel like someone attempted to extinguish that fire with a gallon of hot sauce, and then ran you over with a semi-truck. You reach out for the door frame with your right hand, using it for balance as your legs begin to feel weaker.
            “Y/n-” Bucky starts, ready to make you an offer, but you don’t let him continue. He knows it’s crossing a line. He’s fully aware that if he offers and you say no, things could just get weird between the two of you. He’s even more aware that if he offers and you say yes, it could effectively end your working relationship. But he can’t stand to see you like this. You might give each other shit more often than you’re civil with each other, but something about you being in pain has always sat wrong with him. He worries more about you in the field than he worries about himself.
            “Don’t say my name, just…” You cut him off, but your voice trails off as your eyes wander down to the front of his boxers, finally noticing the way he’s straining against the fabric, his tip resting just barely under the waistband. “If you keep standing here, if you keep saying things to me, I’m not going to be able to go back to my room. I need you to walk away before I lose the power to let you.” Your warning should be clear as day now. He needs to leave you alone.
            “No.” His refusal hits a nerve, angering you more than you would’ve thought possible. You feel a rush of adrenaline surge through you as you lose control of your actions. You place your hands against his chest, shoving him back, hard. He barely moves, which just further enrages you. “Y/n, we can fix this. I can fix this for you.” His offer is out in the open now. He holds his breath as you freeze in front of him, your hands falling away from his chest and your eyes squeezing shut in contemplation.
            “Do you even realize what you’re offering?” Your question hangs in the air between the two of you, and the tension in the hallway makes it feel as though lightning is about to strike the tiny cobblestone house that you stand in. You wish lightning would strike. When you open your eyes this time, the look in Bucky’s eye has changed. There’s something in place of his usual hard gaze, something that nearly draws you in.
            “Yes.” He’s offering to fuck you. He’s offering to give you the relief that you so badly need, the relief that can only be found when he finishes inside you. You’re hallucinating. That’s what this is. Because there is no fucking way that he’s standing in front of you right now, the six-foot tall super soldier who you can barely get along with outside of mandatory missions, offering to fuck you raw. “I know what I’m offering.” You only take a moment to weigh your options. Go back to your room, lock the door, and suffer for the next 7-10 hours or have sex with him and hope that it doesn’t ruin your entire life. Why would it ruin your life? Because he’s the only partner that you’ve trusted enough to work with since Nat passed, and there’s no way that things can just be fine and normal after you’ve seen each other naked. Things would get awkward, it’d be hard to look at each other, hard to see each other as professionals anymore. And your work, your job, is your life. Outside of this you have nothing. No family, not a single friend that isn't connected to this damn line of work, not a damn thing to turn to when this inevitably goes to shit.
            “Stop overthinking it.” Bucky’s voice breaks you out of your whirlwind of thoughts. Against your better judgement, you make eye contact with him and the way he’s looking at you gives you butterflies. Butterflies? Who the fuck are you right now? “Close your eyes.” His voice is low, making the butterflies in your stomach explode and spread outward until it feels like your skin is tingling. You don’t know why you do as he says, but your eyes close and you stand there with bated breath as the floorboards creak. He’s stepping closer to you, stopping when you feel his breath fanning across your face. He trails his flesh fingertips from the back of your left hand and up your arm slowly, drawing goosebumps to the surface of your overheated skin but leaving some kind of calmness behind. You relish the way your left arm becomes the only part of your body that isn’t in pain, the only part that he’s touching.
            “Okay…” Your voice is raspy as you cave to his touch. “But I have a rule.” He pulls his hand away and you wince as the pain quickly returns to the bones deep within your arm. He raises an eyebrow at you as he waits for you to continue. “You can’t kiss my lips.”
            Bucky hesitates for a second, caught off guard by your insane rule. No kissing? During sex? Do you hate him that much? Fuck, he shouldn’t have offered to do this in the first place. It’s obvious that you really don’t want this, and he won’t be able to get off knowing that.
            “Who’s overthinking now?” You laugh out, brushing past him and heading straight for your bedroom door. You took his hesitation as a rejection of your rule, and if he rejects your rule then you’re not doing this. If he kisses you, you’re scared you’re going to feel something. You can have sex and find absolutely zero meaning in it, that’s not that hard. It’s just a physical act. But kissing? Kissing makes it too intimate, too much of a real connection. You won’t give that away so easily. Just as you’re nearing the door, you feel Bucky’s hand wrap tightly around your wrist and pull you back, spinning you around so you’re facing him. In less than a second, he’s walking you backwards until your ass hits the wall and your hand is pinned above your head, with his body pressed firmly against yours. His nose brushes over the tip of yours and you shudder at the feeling of his skin, his body giving off so much heat that you’re regretting having put your shirt back on earlier.
            “Fine, I won’t kiss you.” He rasps. His vibranium hand is gripping your hip, holding you solidly against the wall as he moves to run his lips along your jawline. He doesn’t kiss your skin, he simply lets his lips ghost over it, making you tilt your head to the side in anticipation. “I have one rule of my own.”
            “What’s that?” Your voice sounds a lot more confident than you expected it to, like you’re not fighting to hold yourself together inside. He nips at your earlobe softly and you feel the tip of his tongue against it so lightly that you’re not sure if you imagined it or not.
            “You’re going to wear these while I fuck you.” He guides your right hand up over the perfect ridges of his abs, across his chest, and straight to the dog tags that hang around his neck.
Next Part
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creedslove · 4 months
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💀 when he fucks you soo good, you forget his name and you can't scream it when you are about to cum.
You start giggling, after you had your orgasm, and he asks you "what?", when he is still panting on top of you. And with the most adorable heart eyes and giggles you tell him "it felt so good, I forgot your name for a second, Javier (or any other Pedro Boy that is on your mind)"
No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader
A/N: I know it fits Javi perfectly my beautiful anon, but I've been suffering from Joel brain rot and he's the only thing I think of and crave day and night 😭😭😭
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• being railed by Joel was an experience you were sure you would never be able to get used to; he was intense, caring, and well balanced between rough and sweet; having sex with him was something every woman should have the right to experiment
• too bad they never will because he's yours and only yours and no one touched your man 🔪
• some days he's more romantic, sometimes he gets straight to the point or he just enjoys teasing you, it really depends on the mood, but it's undeniable it's always good nonetheless
• he makes sure to give you all the attention you need, knowing exactly where to touch you, where his mouth goes and he doesn't shy away from his manly obligations, no matter how tired he might be
• in other words, Joel makes sure you cum at least once a day, that's the least he can do for his baby girl, because she deserves to be cared for by him
• to Joel, it's simply another night he's getting himself lost into you, the pleasure of being inside your pulsing, slippery tight cunt while he throbs and waits for his release, he knows you and your body, he can tell you are close to it after being eaten up and stimulated to the point your clit is puffy and sensitive
• he can't wait any longer, so he fastens his pace and grunts, his hands gripping your hips as the two of you reach your orgasm; it feels so good to reach your bliss with him on top of you: his grunts, his heavy breathing, his weight on you, and then you let out a giggle
"what?!"
• he asks raising how eyebrow as he studies your face, he's panting and still inside, wondering if he'd done something embarrassing unaware or anything like that, but you just stroke his cheek, giving him the heart eyes and chuckles again
"nothing. It felt so good I forgot your name for a while, Joel"
• you admitted and pulled his head closer, kissing his lips and resting your forehead against his, enjoying the intimate and calm moment between the two of you
"you're silly and I love you"
• he blurted out and earned another giggle, closing his eyes at the feel of your hands toying with his curls
"you're right Joel, I am silly and I also love you"
• he rolled over and rested on his back, pulling you to him, he didn't want to get off you, not yet, so his cock remained inside of you for a while at the same time your bodies were against each other's and you fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat
____
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uramakimochi · 4 months
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IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR
Lando Norris x Reader
Warnings: angst + comfort, use of Y/n, fem!R, mentions a toxic relationship + use of violent language and death threats and i didn't write exaggerated lines of dialogue just because it's a story, but because these things really happen in real life.
English is not my first language so feel free to correct me.
1) I want to clarify that obviously i don't want to romanticize toxic relationships, i only do this to give comfort to those who have suffered such a situation and i hope that others never have this experience. 2) I know that sometimes it can be scary and seem dangerous, but always try in every way to rebel and ask someone else for help, no one deserves to live a life haunted by the madness of men. 3) I wrote this story in memory of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, because it's not fucking possible that even today in fucking 2023 us women can't even leave the house and walk alone without the risk of being attacked from crazy boyfriends/exes and rapists who use us as objects. I'm fucking tired of hearing about MORE THAN ONE femicide a day everyday on the news. It's not fucking possible.
///
You believed that with your first boyfriend, you had found happiness. After so many years of enviously admiring the happy couples around you, you thought it was finally your turn to be happy. But at the time you were a naive girl, too blinded by love to realize the reality you really lived in.
You thought your boyfriend's jealousy was normal, you thought his was just worry because he cared about you. But the more time passed, the more you realized how much his jealousy was turning into a real obsession. Obsession and possession. A real toxic relationship. But you managed to find the strength to leave him and when he left, you felt as if all the air you had missed being with him returned to your lungs, making you realize how suffocating the weight of such a relationship was.
And after him, you believed that you would have no longer found the confidence to open your heart to another man. You were too scared to do it and relive your ex's experience.
But then Lando came. You didn't believe it would've been possible for you, but it was thanks to him that you managed to find the strength to carry on. So in a short time your heart became his. And you couldn't be happier about it.
///
A simple walk to stay fit, that's what it was supposed to be. Nothing more, nothing less.
Lando had gone out with Max and you, after spending an hour at home, had decided to take a little walk around the city to do something different. It was a beautiful day and you had nothing to do, so why not? There was nothing wrong, right?
A couple of hours had passed when you decided to go back home, looking forward to cooking something for you and Lando, waiting for him to come back and exchanging what had happened to you during the day.
You only had a few minutes left before reaching home, when suddenly a car pulled up next to you on the sidewalk. You didn't pay any attention, thinking it was just someone like you who was returning home, but when you heard that voice calling you behind you, you felt your heart stop for an instant.
“Y/n…”
You slowly turned, praying with all your heart that you had only imagined it. Yet no, it was really him, in flesh and blood.
"Can we talk?" your ex-boyfriend asked you, almost in a pleading tone.
But it was a fake pleading tone and you knew it well.
“There's nothing left to talk about” you replied calmly, wrapping your arms around your body. “I left you for a reason and i thought i told you i didn't want to see you anymore”
"I come in peace to talk to you and you treat me like this. Unbelievable..." he huffed and you tightened your grip on your shirt nervously.
It had been a long time since you and him had last seen each other and that was when you had found the courage to leave him. With the arrival of Lando and his busy life as a formula one driver, you had practically forgotten about the existence of a human being like him.
“Now you're even more of a bitch than you were before” he continued, glaring at you. "You think you can say and do whatever you want just because now you've found yourself a rich and famous boyfriend?"
"I'm not a bitch, i just moved on because staying with a toxic person like you made me suffer!" you replied out loud, something that when you were with him you would have never allowed yourself to do.
You didn't wait for his response, you knew you just had to turn around and go home, it wasn't worth staying to argue.
But the exact moment you turned your back to him, he came up behind you, grabbing your wrist with one hand and starting to drag you backwards.
"You fucking bitch, we're not done yet!" he muttered angrily and you began to squirm.
"Leave me alone!"
You noticed that he was dragging you towards his car and you started to panic. Did he want to take you away? Seriously? But it wasn't dark yet and even if you didn't see anyone around at that moment, you imagined that someone who lived in the houses around you could hear you. It was too risky. And he was crazy.
"I don't want to go with you! Let me go!" you began to scream, your heart pounding in fear. "Someone help me! Help me!"
You tried to resist him with all the strength you had in your body, hoping to gain time so that someone could see you and come to your aid.
“Shut up and listen to me” he growled menacingly and when you felt something sharp prick your side, your blood froze in your veins, making you freeze in every movement.
He tightened his fingers around your arm and brought his face close to your ear, hissing through clenched teeth.
"You feel this, right? It's a fucking knife. If you keep screaming i swear i'll stab you, i swear"
When you heard those words you didn't even notice the tears that were coming out of your eyes. You were paralyzed with fear. That man, who until a few months ago you thought you loved madly, was now literally threatening to kill you. It didn't seem real to you, something like this couldn't really be happening.
"Now you'll get in the car with me, okay?" he continued and you closed your eyes when you felt the blade of the knife press against your skin. “So stop screaming or else- OW!”
You had no idea how you managed to find the strength to kick him between the legs and push him to the ground, you had no idea. But you did it. And once free from his hands, you ran as fast as you could towards home.
You arrived at the front door and with your vision blurred by tears and with your hands shaking like leaves you took out the keys, inserting them into the lock. After seconds that seemed endless, the door opened and you rushed in, then slammed it and hastily locked it again.
You almost felt like letting out a sigh of relief, but suddenly you heard a loud knock on the door, making you jump and scream in fear.
"Come out, you slut! Come out!" your ex's voice barked. "You can't hide forever! I know you're here!"
You ran upstairs, taking refuge in your and Lando's room, fearing that he would have managed to get in. Once the door closed you slumped against it, sliding down until you were sitting on the floor.
But despite all your efforts you continued to hear his screams coming from outside the window, against your will.
"I know where you live! And i won't leave until i get my hands on you! You and your boyfriend! You bitch!"
You closed your eyes, lowering your head to your knees and sobbing in panic. You clasped your hands on your head, praying with all your heart that that nightmare would have ended. You just wanted Lando to be there with you in that moment, more than anything.
///
When Lando returned home, he didn't expect to find two police cars and an ambulance parked in front of the house.
"Oh, shit..." he muttered, quickly getting out of the car and walking towards two police officers who were busy talking to a woman.
"Excuse me! I live here, what happened??" he asked, getting their attention.
Lando looked around and not seeing you, he felt the fear invade his body. Where were you? Where the fuck were you?!
"We received a call from this address, from your girlfriend. It seems that her ex-boyfriend followed her home with the intent to kill her, that's what she told us" one of the two policemen replied and Lando felt as if he had just had a heart attack.
Lando knew your ex. Not personally, just through the stories you had revealed to him during your relationship, but it hadn't taken him long to understand that this guy wasn't a totally healthy brain.
"K-Kill her?" Lando asked nervously, running a hand over his face. “He was trying to kill her??”
"We managed to catch him and take him to the station. He had a small knife in his jacket pocket" replied the other officer. "This woman is an eyewitness, before receiving the call from your girlfriend, she called us because she had seen the two arguing along the road and his violent behavior alerted her"
Lando nodded.
"He's... He's going to prison? Right?" he asked, but when he saw the two officers shaking their heads he realized that it wasn't a good sign.
"It's not up to us to decide what happens to him" one of the two agents replied slowly.
Lando's eyes widened as fear gave way to anger.
"You're joking right?? That fucking psychopath almost killed my girlfriend and you're telling me they could let him go free anyway?? Are you fucking kidding me?!"
One of the two agents sighed, while the woman gave Lando a saddened look.
"Sir-"
"It's 2023, how the fuck is it possible that people like him still don't get what they deserve?! It's not fucking fair! I don't accept it!"
Lando turned on his heel, leaving the woman and the two officers behind, with the sole intention of finding you. He just hoped that the ambulance had gotten there for nothing and that you weren't hurt. Fuck, if that crazy guy had done something to you, he didn't think he would have ever forgave himself.
When his eyes fell on your figure, sitting inside the ambulance, head bowed and shoulders hunched, he felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his heart. And you too seemed to perceive his presence, because suddenly you raised your head and when your gaze met his, your eyes filled with tears again.
A sob slipped from your lips as you stood on your legs and ran towards him, then you threw yourself against his body and hugged him as tight as you could.
Lando returned the hug, letting out a sigh of relief and even though he too felt his eyes becoming teary, he managed to keep himself from crying.
“It's okay, it's okay” he tried to console you, whispering sweet words against your hair and filling your head with kisses. "I'm here love, it's alright"
And even though you were so grateful to be in his arms, you couldn't help but continue to cry against his chest, letting out all the fear you had felt up until that moment, just waiting for him to come home.
"I-I was so scared Lando! He wanted to take me away!" you whined, your voice muffled by his sweatshirt. "H-He had a knife a-and he wanted to k-kill me!"
"Shh, don't think about it anymore, darling. It's over now, shh, it's over" Lando murmured, wrapping his arms around your body and stroking the back of your head with one hand. "It's okay, you're okay"
With every sob that escaped your lips he felt his heart breaking more and more. He had never seen you so terrified and the fact that that day he had risked losing you without even knowing it, was destabilizing him.
“Y/n, look at me”
Lando pulled you away just enough so he could look you in the eyes, placing both hands on your cheeks.
"He didn't hurt you, did he?" he asked and you shook your head, sniffling.
You tightened your hands around his wrists.
"D-Did they get him?" you asked him in turn. "Please Lando, t-tell me they got him"
Lando looked at you silently, trying to wipe the tears from your face with his thumbs and thinking of what to say.
He couldn't tell you that he wasn't even sure if your ex would be found guilty, even if he attempted actual murder, just out of pure jealousy. He couldn't tell you that you lived in a shitty world, full of people who didn't care that every day you women had to suffer because of heartless men who only thought about themselves. He couldn't tell you how unfair your life was, since ancient times, and that no one had done anything to change things. He could not. Not when you just needed words of comfort at that moment.
So he just gave you a small smile of encouragement, nodding slightly.
"They took him to the station. You're safe now" he replied.
Lando leaned his face in to leave a long kiss on your forehead.
“I'm so glad you're okay, so glad” he murmured against your skin and you closed your eyes, biting your bottom lip. "Sweetheart, i'm so sorry, i'm so fucking sorry. You don't deserve this"
Lando pulled you against his body again and as you rested your head against his chest, he placed his on top of yours, making your joined bodies rock slightly. Neither of you said anything else, you remained silent, enjoying the contact of your bodies and giving each other the comfort you both needed.
Only one phrase crossed Lando's mind at that moment.
It's not fucking fair.
///
I was undecided whether to write this fic with Lando or Charles but Lando is my favorite so...
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spacebarbarianweird · 2 months
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Oooh! Chronic depression Tav sounds right up your alley! I'm also chronically depressed and I have a similar living condition (messy room, not the horrific torture) to Astarion. Maybe a Tav who can empathize with his messy tent and his depression?
Oh yes, this hits my alley! I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression a while ago plus it seems like I had a severe depression when I was 12-19 years old (but I wasn't taken to any specialists back then).
TW: Anxiety and depression come in different forms, my therapists always told me that I have a weird skill to look absolutely normal meanwhile tests show signs of severe depression. I've based this headcanon on my own experience.
TW 2: A suicide attempt, depression.
Astarion x Depressed!Tav
Masterlist
Headcanons
You feel off.
Something was utterly wrong with you for the last few years.
You barely eat, sleep too much
Decision-making is difficult as fuck, and you just do what you are told to.
The time is slipping through your fingers and you sometimes realize it's already winter when it was summer a day ago.
You feel like drowning in the dark void.
Maybe you should just end everything? Because life will never get better.
The tadpole suppresses your condition.
You suddenly feel good. You feel strong. You feel alive.
And the Emperor is particularly adamant that you embrace the tadpole potential.ccepting the tadpole potential.
"Remember how bad you felt before? It will get worse if you deny the tadpole. Once it's gone, your mind will drown in darkness again. But accept my offer, and you will never suffer again."
You recognize familiar patterns in Astarion's behavior.
His inability to make decisions.
The mess he made of his tent.
The way he sometimes sits and stares in the distance not moving at all.
That he doesn't really read, staring at the papers with mindless eyes.
Or quickly turning pages without understanding what is written there.
Or an extreme degree of anhedonia. He cannot taste wine or food, his senses are dulled, and nothing brings him joy except blood and sex (both of which have been unavailable to him for centuries).
You want to accept the tadpole. You don't want to go back to where you were. He doesn't want to either.
But when you take the astral tadpole, Astarion knocks it out of your hands and smashes it.
"You're in no condition to make decisions like that, dear," he says, grabbing your arm.
Neither is he.
You fear to have the tadpole removed.
When it is gone, it's worse than you expected.
You can't move. Can't think. The void is killing you.
You don't want to talk to anyone. You can't do anything. The only thing you are capable of is to crawl into the inn and lie there like in a coffin.
It will never get better.
Maybe, you should just off yourself?
And Astarion's absence only proves your thoughts. He isn't there, he's left. He doesn't need a burden like you.
The relapse is so bad you decide to find a way to end things.
You choose a lonely place and takes a dagger out.
You greet death like an old friend.
Only to wake up under a starry night sky.
With a familiar skeleton-like figure close to you.
Withers brought you back. But why? And how did he…
Before you manage to say anything coherent, you feel strong hands around your waist and a familiar scent.
Astarion cries holding you.
"I shouldn't have left you, I shouldn't have... I am so sorry..."
He was ashamed of himself. Of his own relapse.
But he could never thought you would kill yourself.
These six monthes were difficult for him.
Yes, he was free. He could do whatever he wanted.
But he was lonely. He had nightmares. Breakdowns.
He started looking for you only to realize you were dead.
Finding Withers was his only hope.
And you are back. Back to him.
Astarion takes you away from Baldur's Gate to the places you've never been before.
Basically making you run faster than your darkness.
Together you learn how to enjoy things.
You basically ask each other "What can we do rn to make ourselves feel better?"
A swim in the lake? A bath in the inn? A new piece of garment? Just staying together in the tent?
You hold each other from slipping into the void.
Eventually, you are advised to start taking some medicine made by clerics.
You take it once a day and you feel better, almost the same way you felt with the tadpole.
You take the double shot because Astairon drinks your blood to get this medicine for himself.
You both don't feel yourself that miserable anymore. You both cry less.
You sleep better, Astarion doesn't have nightmares.
You are good. Both of you.
It doesn't mean the darkness won't come back - but you are both ready to meet it.
--
Tag list
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darkbluekies · 1 year
Text
The witty and uncanny pt 2
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Doctor!yandere OC x reader x mafia!yandere OC
Summary: you knew that they'd be back for you, you just didn't know you'd stumble upon them so quickly.
Warnings: stalking, guns, knives, yandere
word count: 2.3k
Part 1 part 3
You pull the dark hood over your face and sit down by the coffee shop's counter, eyes cautiously wandering around the room. You're not sure who's a friend and who's an enemy. Silas has eyes everywhere and you wouldn't be surprised if he'd ordered more people to look for you. After your escape from the hospital, you've done your best to keep a low profile. You've couch surfed and slept outside. It hasn't been comfortable, but it worked. In the inside pocket of your black hoodie is the gun you stole from Silas and then from doctor Kry. You always keep it close … just in case they decide to show up unannounced.
"Hi, Y/N", your manager smiles. "Ready for your shift?"
"Yes", you answer.
When you've collected enough money, you're getting out of here. You like this place, maybe even more than you'd admit. The atmosphere is slow and soft, no one's in a hurry, everyone's just enjoying the moment. Just like you should.
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Dr Kry sighs and puts down the dumbbells. His heart is pounding in his ears. Is it even worth it anymore? Despite working so hard that his muscles are pulsating, he can't feel anything. He had you and then he lost you … and then he had you again … and you got away. Dr Kry doesn't blame you for hurting him. You were scared, hurt and unwell. You acted irrationally. That's why he has to get you back. You're not well and the world will only hurt you. Or worse …
His foot is back to normal by now. A scar is left from where you shot him. He can't get himself to feel mad over it. It's a constant reminder of you, so why should he be angry? 
Dr Kry leaves the gym to go take a shower. He does so in your room, somehow wishing that you'll be lying in the bed once he comes out again. He hates to see the empty bed, but he still comes into the room everyday. He uses the shower as an excuse to walk in, but sometimes he just sits by your bed, watching over nothing.
After showering, he makes himself ready to go out. He puts on a sand colored Jean jacket over a white turtleneck and a pair of blue jeans.
The only reason he leaves the hospital is to look for you. He has been to your parents house, your friends houses, motels and other hospitals. He saw some traces of you on a couch in a friend's house. He knows that you're somewhere around him, and it's just a matter of time before he finds you.
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You pour up a hot cup of coffee for a customer and give them a gentle smile. Your head is pounding. It's been months since you last slept in a real bed. Ironically enough it was the hospital bed. Couch surfing might keep you social, but your organs are suffering. One wrong move and your spine will split in two.
"Good morning, could I have a plain, black coffee, please?" a voice asks gently. "No coffee, nothing extra … just a plain, black coffee?"
Your eyes dart to the man in front of your colleague as your heart sinks to your stomach. Without his doctor's clothes, he's almost unrecognizable. He looks just like anyone else. 
You're quick to look away and continue with the last customer's order. Your colleague will take care of the doctor. If you're lucky you won't have to interact with him at all and he won't notice you. You pull the hoodie closer and feel for the gun in your pocket.
Your colleagues glance at Dr Kry, unforgivingly checking him out. You give him a discreet look. He has bags under his eyes. He's always had them, but these ones are darker. Otherwise he looks normal.
"Y/N, can you take this order?" your colleague asks you as she swings her bag over her shoulder. "I have to go to the post office before twelve or my letter won't reach my parents before their anniversary."
You want to yell at her but instead you press your lips together and nod. She disappears, leaving you alone by the counter. Quietly, you start to pour a white cup with steaming hot coffee
"Quite a nice morning, don't you think?" Dr Kry says.
You nod, still keeping your head down. The hood covers most of your features and you hope that he's too tall to notice the hair that sticks out. If you start tucking it back, he'll grow suspicious.
You give him the cup and you shudder as your fingers brush against his. Electricity shoots through your veins — and not the good kind.
"Thank you so much", Dr Kry smiles. "Have a good day."
"You too", you whisper.
He walks away. Quickly, you run to the changing room to catch your breath. Holy fuck, he was right in front of you. You literally touched him. You talked to him. This was too much. Without a second to waste, you throw the apron off your body and sprint out the back door. This was too risky, you can't come back here in case he ever comes back. Your heart is beating in your ears. You run the quickest you can down the street before he can realize.
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Doctor Kry walks out to his white car with his coffee in his hands. He sighs heavily and takes a sip. It burns nicely in his throat, it reminds him that he's still alive. He feels like a walking shell. He looks for you every day … but you're nowhere.
Wait. That voice. That … touch. 
Dr Kry quickly turns around and looks at the sweet coffee shop. He hurries back in. The counter is empty. With a quick glance around, he walks behind the corner and into the back room. He looks around, seeing an apron on the floor. Squatting down, he picks it up. The nameplate says a name he first doesn't recognize, but then he smiles. Your middle name. 
"Oh, sweetheart", he sighs with a smile on his face. "It really was you."
Hope is blooming in his chest. Holy fuck, he was right in front of you. You literally touched him. You talked to him. He needs more. He notices that the back door is swung open and runs out tk his car. He'll catch you soon enough. He's not unarmed this time.
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He's utterly embarrassed. Fainting on the floor in a hospital like that? Because someone managed to prick a needle into him? That's not something he brings up often and frankly something he wishes to forget. The second he regained consciousness he called for his right hand man to pick him up. There was blood in the elevator when he was getting up to the ground floor and he feared it came from you. Silas had to leave the hospital that day. He still believes that the doctor has kept you away in the hospital room. One day he'll be back for you and he won't let that uncanny doctor win. He has put out his men all over the city to keep their eyes open for you. You can't hide forever, it's just a matter of time. But for the time being, he's keeping himself occupied with work until he comes up with a plan to get you away from that pesky doctor.
"Boss, we found them!" 
Silas looks up. "Where?"
"They were caught on one of the city's surveillance cameras, running down the street. We've seen them before, it's the one with the black hoodie. The hood flew off when they were running."
"I had a feeling that it was them!"
He should have trusted his gut. He could already have had you, but he told himself that it couldn't be you. You were at the hospital, weren't you? Apparently not.
"Let's go get them", Silas says and stands up. "I'll get my coat. Get a blanket, they must be cold and make someone prepare the basement. I've had enough of this running around."
Silas grabs his black coat and storms out to his car. His men follow and one gives the boss a green blanket he can wrap around your body once they get you.
Silas jumps into his car, ready to go. He won't let you get far. 
He speeds through the city to reach you before you disappear.
"Where are they?" he asks his second in command. "Hurry up!"
"I-I don't know, boss!" He almost shouts back. "They're not on any of the cameras anymore."
"What?!"
"The last I can see of them was ten minutes ago. They ran out into the forest!"
"I fucking hate them."
He sighs heavily. He'll have to search for you in the woods? He might as well burn it down when he’s at it. He speeds up, determined to get to you before the forest swallows you whole. 
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Not long after starting your forced workout, you can hear a car speed up beside you. Looking to the side, you see the face of a familiar blonde man behind the wheel. You gasp and run into the forest before he has time to park. 
"Y/N!" Dr Kry shouts behind you. "Wait!"
Like hell you will. You speed up, flying over the dirty ground beneath you. Behind you, you can hear the man run quickly as a tiger. You feel for the gun in your pocket, happy that it’s still there. Soon, you feel how the doctor grabs a hold of you and suddenly, the ground disappears from under your feet. For a second, you fall, only to be hit by the harsh ground. 
“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Y/N”, Dr Kry says and helps you up on your feet. “But I didn’t know how else to stop you.” 
He brushes off your clothes with his hands before cupping your cheeks that have started bleeding. You’re too tired, too scared to move. Teary eyes glare at him as he caresses your cheeks with his hands. 
“My sweetheart”, he whispers and hugs you tightly. “My poor, little Y/N, I’m so sorry it took me so long to find you again. I’ve been feeling so awful about how our last encounter ended. I don’t blame you, you don’t have to be worried that I’m angry. I’m not, I promise! I know Silas scared you and that you wanted to get as far away from him as possible … and that meant getting away from me too. I understand.”
“No!” you shout and push yourself out of his chest. “You don’t understand a single, fucking thing!”
He hisses and brings you back, suffocating you into his sand colored jacket. 
“Let me go!” you shout and try reaching for the gun. 
Something sharp hits you in your waist and you freeze. 
“Y/N”, Dr Kry whispers in your ear. “Don’t make me hurt you, okay? I really don’t want to.”
“If you care about me so much, why would you hurt me? You sick freak.”
“If you don’t understand what’s best for you, then I have to take drastic measures to take you back where you’re safe. You have to understand that, sweetpea.”
“Drop the knife.”
You freeze at the new voice. It can’t be. Before you have time to register the voice, Dr Kry has pushed you behind him. You can glance at Silas standing a few meters away dressed in his black coat, but you hide behind the doctor to shield yourself. 
“How did you know we were here?” Dr Kry asks coldly. 
“I have my ways”, Silas answers just as chilly. “Now, give me what’s mine and you won’t die here today. I might even let you go. Might.”
“Do you think I’m stupid, Silas? You were no match for me last time.”
“Oh, come on, doc … you shouldn’t annoy me. You had luck before. But we’re no longer in your hospital, you have nothing to use here. I’m at an advantage.”
“At least I have Y/N, am I right?”
Silas grits his teeth. “Not for long. What have you done to their cheek?”
"They fell."
Silas tilts his head to look at you. "Clumsy baby. I guess I have to tie you to the bed once we come home, to make sure that you don't hurt yourself running anymore."
"You mean chaining me to the wall in the fucking basement!" you shout, unable to control your anger any longer.
"Details", Silas scoffs and rolls his eyes. "What's important is that you're coming back with me."
"They're not going home with you!" Dr Kry says sternly. "After what happened to them last time they were in your care, I'll never allow it! They have to come back to the hospital with me. I take good care of them."
"Like Hell they do! They belong to me!"
You decide to take this opportunity to flee. They’re too busy arguing that they don’t notice how you back away from Dr Kry and make a run for it into the woods. Only when you’ve come ten meters away, do they notice the running shadow. 
“Y/N, come back!” Dr Kry gasps before glaring at Silas. “Now look at what you’ve done!”
He’s about to run after you when Silas's voice is heard again. He's gotten an insane idea that he's not sure of himself.
"Hey, doc."
"What?" Dr Kry scoffs, turning his head to the criminal who's standing calmly with his hands in his pockets.
"How about we team up?"
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adventuringblind · 1 month
Text
Safety In Your Arms
Dando x Reader
Genre: Hurt-comfort, maybe spicy via implied smut
Summary: Sometimes things go horribly wrong, nothing like what you expected, and it sends you hurtling towards emotions you never asked for. Lando and Daniel hate to see her this way.
Warnings: implied sexual content prior to and post incident, r@pe, anxiety, panic attacks, worried partners
Notes: Not sure this is exactly what you wanted because I don't write r@pe fantasies... regardless I hope the requester likes it :)
Side Note: Please leave notes! I think I might have been shadow banned recently as my fics are not being interacted with as much as they used to. Maybe it's just me being self-conscious because I know I couldn't care but I do.
Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi
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Her heart thumping in her ears is all she can hear. Just last night, this had been something special and intimate. It was beautiful and loving. Now a stranger thinks he take something that isn't his.
Daniel and Lando are the only ones aloud to touch her like this. Their touch sends shivers down her spine in a pleasant way. This man makes her burn. His grip keeping her pinned to the wall feels like lighter being held against the bare flesh of her hips.
She was almost to the room. Back to the safety of her boys. Just up the stairs and down the hall. Curse the elevator for not working.
She's not sure where the adrenaline comes from. Her fight or flight response is pulling from some unknown energy reserve. It's enough for her to push him off her.
He falls backwards down the stairs. He's disoriented but still conscious. He looks like he might fight his way back to her and finish what he started.
She bolts. Her legs carry her to the door of her shared room. Fists bang on the door in terror.
The door to the stairwell slams open. She leans her weight into the door and slides down. Tears stream down her face at the hopelessness she feels in this situation.
The door flings open. Daniel on the other side catches her crumbling body before it hits the ground. She pushes inside and finds the farthest corner of the room.
She sees the silhouette of the man come to face Daniel. Lando is crouched down in front of her, trying to coax some kind of explanation out of her. She's too worked up to respond.
The loud crack of Daniel's knuckles fills her ears. Her attacker stumbles backwards once more, this time he's out cold. His body falls to the ground, with a soft thud muffled only by the carpeted floors.
Lando exchanges a few words with Daniel. The ringing in her ears makes it hard to understand. It's not until Lando hands her his sweatshirt to hold and Daniel is on the phone that she registers the safety.
"He - He - I was -" She can't even get the words out. Not without realizing how pathetic she sounds.
"Okay, breathe now love, you're safe." She takes a few breathes with Lando. "Can we try some yes or no questions?"
She hesitantly shakes her head yes. Slowly, she reaches to Lando. He intertwines his fingers with hers and both of them relax.
"Did her hit you at all?"
Yes. When he first got her against the wall.
"Did he touch you anywhere intimate?" Lando looks like he's trying not to cringe.
Yes. Everywhere. It burns still.
Lando look on the verge of tears. He's always been empathetic, hurting with them. "Did he - did he rape you?"
She breaks. Burries her face in Lando's sweatshirt and wails. Lando is careful not to touch her in any harsh way; lets her lead him.
Daniel clambers onto the floor with them. She doesn't look at him, but she knows he's there and that's enough. "Love, I'm so sorry this happened to you. The authorities are on their way to take, whoever that was, away. The question now is how you want to go forward." Daniel takes a heavy breath before continuing when she doesn't respond. "We have to go to the hospital, love. I don't want you to suffer any more than you already have."
She's still crying as they bundle her up in Lando's sweatshirt and Daniel's sweats. The soft baggy ones she steals from him all the time regardless.
"Dan, what about... him?" Lando stares at the man lying on the floor. She has to will herself not to vomit at the sight of him.
"I'll meet you there, okay? The police should be here soon." Lando looks hesitant to leave without Daniel. The Aussie plants a reassuring kiss to his forehead. "Take care of our girl, yeah?"
By the time they get checked in, Daniel texts that he's on his way. She hasn't said anything else since the hotel room, but Lando kindly offers her one of his airpods. The music helps, if only a little.
The nurse takes her back to the room alone. She wails the entire time until they let Lando, now with Daniel on his heels, back with her.
She dissociates through the entire visit. Not coherent enough to answer anything but yes or no questions.
The next few days are more of them same. Only getting out of bed to sit in the shower. The water hot enough to burn away her skin.
Daniel tells Max they had an emergency but doesn't go into any details. Max lets them fly out with him. She doesn't talk to him. Too tired to use any energy on conversation.
Daniel and Lando respect her space. They ask before touching her. They announce their presences, especially if they are behind her.
The bruises fade eventually. It's not like the physical evidence was going to remain on her forever. Still, with his handprints gone for her sight, they burn her every time the area is touched.
She doesn't wear anything aside from Lando and Daniel's clothes that are too big on her. Not until they are back in Monaco for the summer break. Four months after the incident.
Daniel gently coaxes her out of the warm clothing. The boys give her space until she's ready to join them and respect her boundaries when she asks not to be touched.
Her skin still burns.
By the end of summer break, she's had time to work her way up to new things. Small bits of skin-on-skin contact and hugs are quickly becoming her new lifeline. She missed being able to not fear the touch of another. Her mind tends to forget she's safe and fights anyone who tries to get to close.
By September she's able to sleep in the same bed as them without waking up panicked that they are going to hurt her in some way. The nightmares remain, but now she clings to the two males when she wakes crying.
On a particularly charged night filled with celebrations. The three of them work through it at her pace. She sets boundaries like her therapist had told her to do. Daniel and Lando tell her everything they are going to do before they lay a finger on her.
She missed this.
She missed them.
Their hands don't burn her skin anymore.
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sansaorgana · 11 days
Note
Can you do a buck x reader where she’s a nurse and takes care of everyone at the 100 and they all think she’s just perfect and a mother figure while all the soldiers are away from that mother figure and one day she like snaps when having to deal with screaming soldiers and she goes up to one the higher power guys and like cussing them out for constant sending the men into a death trap and her having to pick up the pieces and buck has to hold her back while she’s just screaming at the other guy and everyone else is like 🧍
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hello, thank you for your request! 🧡 I've just realised that none of my previous Readers in the stories with Buck were nurses lol 😷 most likely because I can't even imagine myself as a nurse and writing about all these things is enough to make me feel sick 🤣 but because of this, it was easy to write this story where the Reader is at her breaking point lol proceed with caution because there are ugly descriptions of blood, needles, death etc.
also this gif asdfghjkl I swear, in the story he has more compassion towards the Reader 🤣🤣🤣
my inbox is open for blurb/short fic requests for major cleven 🤗
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You thought you could do it. When the war had started, you hadn’t thought twice as you had signed up to help. Real help. No paperwork or coffee making. You had wanted to become a nurse.
The physical aspect of your job was not that difficult. You knew what to do in most situations and you had learnt how to stop frowning at the physiological body functions. It was the emotional aspect of the job that no one had prepared you for.
Sometimes the boys would come back from the air battles with nothing but mere scratches. They would still come by just to spend time with you and let your gentle, skilled hands to patch them up as they were telling you stories.
Sometimes the same boys would not come back from their next mission and the stories they had told were all that was left of them. You would cherish them in your heart forever.
Sometimes the boys would come back burnt, with half of their faces blown out or their guts bleeding all over the floor. Their screams of pain would haunt you later at night. Those were your boys.
Perhaps that was why you were everyone's favourite nurse. You were getting attached to them so easily, treating everyone as a friend, offering them a loving hug when they needed it, listening to their stories, helping them to write letters to their mothers and girlfriends or children. You were a good spirit of the base and one of the planes was named after you. So far it still hadn’t gone down and everyone treated it as a sign that you were their guardian angel indeed.
You didn’t see yourself as a guardian angel. If you had to stay within the religious imagery examples, you’d rather describe yourself as a mater dolorosa – lady of sorrows watching her son’s suffering and not being able to help him.
Sometimes they would die in your arms. Still, it was better than to die in a burning plane. Better for them. Not for you.
Today was a day of a very difficult mission. Most of the planes hadn’t come back at all. And the ones who had, were full of men screaming in agony and pain. You were barely able to hold it all together when they were reaching their hands out for you as if your touch would heal them. But it wouldn’t. It couldn’t, no matter how much you wanted it.
“(Y/N), you should take a break…” Your friend put her hand on your shoulder. You were exhausted indeed. You were working for three hours straight without sitting down for one second and you were running around from one bed to another. “Go, rest,” she insisted but you shook your head and went back to work.
Only when you noticed that your hands were shaking so much that you weren’t able to inject a needle into a vein properly, you decided to take a break indeed. You didn’t want to cause even more damage by trying too hard.
But before leaving the sickbay you wanted to check on one of the young pilots. He was nineteen years old, it had been his first mission and you remembered how excited he had been about it. Now he was laying on one of the beds, barely breathing as his chest was burnt and lungs damaged.
You were approaching his bed and your heart sank to your chest at the sight of the doctor putting a white sheet over his face.
“Wh-what… What are you doing to Johnson, sir?” You asked.
“I’m sorry, (Y/N),” the doctor shook his head. “He’s just passed away.”
You just stood there with your lips slightly parted. Johnson was just another surname on the list of all these boys you would never forget about. But Johnson was special. He was the youngest you had known. He couldn’t stop talking about his mother and little sister, about his dog and his girlfriend waiting for him back in Alabama.
Your sadness overtook your whole body and then it developed into an anger so big that you felt as if you were about to explode and bring down the whole base.
“Son of a bitch…” You breathed out angrily as you stormed out of the sickbay without even taking your apron off. It was full of blood but you did not care.
You walked down the corridor with murder in your eyes, making everyone step out of the way. And you entered the Colonel’s office without knocking, so loudly and rapidly that all the men inside startled.
“Miss?” Colonel Harding asked as he was sitting behind his desk and showing some sort of a map to a few Majors.
One of them was Major Cleven. He hadn’t been up in the air on that day but he would be tomorrow. And was the one you had befriended the most. But even his presence couldn’t stop your rage at that moment.
“You can’t just keep sending them to die, Colonel!” You clenched your fists and approached the desk as the men watched with big eyes. “Look! Look, Colonel! Look!” You showed him your bloody hands and your apron. “Why is it me with their blood and guts all over me? While you’re just sitting here, planning…” You gave the map a very angry look. You wanted to tear it apart and you were shaking to stop yourself from doing so. “You’re sending them to death, all of them, they’re just boys! Johnson was nineteen years old! Do you even know who he was? Or was he just another number to you?!”
“(Y/N), calm down, let’s take you outside…” Buck approached you carefully but you moved away.
“No! I will not be silenced. I have things to say and I will say them!” You snapped at him and he froze. You laid your eyes back on the surprised Colonel again. “You just sit here and plan how to send them to death more efficiently. You men… Can’t you see how stupid this whole war is? How stupid every war is? And just because some brilliant engineers constructed planes, doesn’t mean they should be used to kill people!”
“Miss…” Colonel furrowed his brow, “Miss I-Don’t-Know-Your-Name, are you done?”
“You son of a bitch!” You banged your bloody fists on his desk and his stupid map got covered with blood. “You don’t even know my name. But I am the one to patch them up and hold their hand when they’re dying after you sent them to death. God damn you, Colonel Harding! You and all the Generals that you serve! God damn Hitler, God damn Churchill and God damn your fucking President Roosevelt!”
“(Y/N), please,” Buck’s strong hands pulled you away. “I’m sorry, Colonel. She’s all shook up,” he tried to explain your behaviour as you started sobbing when the anger had finally left your body. You hid your face in his uniform and allowed him to put his arm around you. “I’ll take her outside.”
“Yeah, you better do it, son,” Colonel nodded at him. Buck started to walk you out slowly and carefully as you heard Colonel’s voice while you were walking out of the door. “Poor girl… She needs a free weekend.”
Buck took you outside and watched you worryingly as you were catching your breath back and trying to calm yourself down, wiping the tears off of your face with the palms of your bloody hands.
“Here, let me,” he took out a handkerchief and wiped your face with it gently. “Gee, (Y/N), what was that?”
“I… I don’t know… I just can’t… I can’t do it anymore, Buck… That boy, Johnson, he was nineteen… Nineteen, for God’s sake,” you sniffed your tears back and looked into his eyes as your lips trembled. “He was telling me stories about his mum and little sister… His dog and his girlfriend… And now… And now he’s gone. Just like that. His lungs were burnt. Every breath was agony…” You tried to explain, still shaking.
“You really need a free weekend,” Buck pointed out and brought you closer to give you another hug.
It felt good to be in his arms. It was comforting. But you were scared to admit to yourself that you indeed liked him more than just a friend. Because if he would go down tomorrow or any other day, it would hurt even more.
“I can’t… I can’t leave my boys…” You took a step back to look at his face again. “And… And I can’t just take a free weekend. It would feel wrong. When you boys are up in the air, so brave and so heroic. All I can do is patch you up later. I can’t give up, no…”
“We all need a break sometimes. Hey,” Buck raised your chin up with his finger, “promise me that you’ll take a free weekend.”
“Aren’t you on a mission this weekend?” You asked.
“Yeah.”
“Then no way, Buck,” you shook your head. “I have to be here to patch you up,” you smiled through the tears.
“There are other nurses ‘round here,” he pointed out with a soft smile.
“I don’t want them to touch you,” you admitted suddenly as your cheeks heated up.
Why the hell had you said that…?
“They don’t know how to patch you up properly, I mean…” You tried to explain yourself quickly. “Only I know how to–”
But he didn’t let you finish. He leaned in very carefully and placed a gentle kiss upon your lips. You were stunned.
“I know what you mean, sweetheart,” he teased after finally breaking the kiss and caressing your cheek with his thumb. “I promise I won’t get a single scratch when you’re not around.”
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silverbladexyz · 2 months
Text
TW: Mentions of death, injuries, self-loathing. Part 2 to this. Part 3 is here.
"I can't believe you sometimes. What if you had actually been killed because of your recklessness?!"
"But I wasn't! Even if combat isn't my strong suit, I had it all under control; and besides, these wounds are nothing compared to what we've faced before!"
In the normally tranquil environment of the Port Mafia's infirmary, two voices argued back and forth. One laced with worry and anger, the other laced with guilty adamance. A pair of best friends seemed to be the reason behind this noise; with their stubbornness a guise of the true feelings that they harboured for each other.
"Are you seriously kidding me right now? Even if you had it all under control, that doesn't mean you can gamble your life away like it's nothing! How do you think everyone would feel if you died? Do you want to put them through more pain and suffering that could've been prevented if you were more cautious? Do you even care?!"
"..."
Instead of replying, you turned away, suddenly finding the window to be more interesting than whatever was going on right now.
He was right. You didn't think properly about the consequences before you jumped straight in to engage with the enemy, even if you may have had a backup plan.
"... I'm sorry."
It was soft, but Chuuya managed to catch it.
He gave a small sigh, his shoulders dropping as the tension in them wore out. You fiddled with your bandages, not having the courage to look at him in the eyes. Did you even deserve to, afterall? When you worried him sick after he learnt that he almost lost you?
You heard his footsteps approaching you, and mentally prepared for the next thing that he was going to say.
Only for him to somewhat tug you into his arms.
Your eyes widened, and you blinked several times before realising that Chuuya Nakahara, your best friend, was hugging you.
His breath fanned against your collarbone as he buried his face into your shoulder. Strong arms held you close to him, being mindful of the injuries that you sustained on your body- yet the grip they held you in was tight but secure.
"... You idiot. Don't you dare do that again."
It was the most vulnerable you had ever seen him.
You hugged him back, inhaling his rich scent as an unknown heat bloomed in your chest.
"I won't. I promise, Chuuya."
His warmth never left your memories.
Now, you watched as he stood with her, holding her hand. They were too far away for you to make out their words, but whatever she said made Chuuya laugh. A genuine, happy laugh that seemed so much more different from the short chuckles he normally gave you.
He put his arm around her shoulder, and you unconsciously hugged your body as you felt yourself getting colder. It was the third of December- the start of another winter in Yokohama. Marking the six month anniversary of their relationship.
A wry smile made it's way on your face as Chuuya pulled Yasuko in for a kiss. Even though it was a short peck, it was enough to make your heart twist in longing that exemplified whenever you were around him. It was stupid; you knew that your best friend deserved to have someone much better than the monster you were, but it didn't stop you from wishing that you were her. Someone that was a sight for sore eyes, with an aura brighter than the blue skies- someone that could get Chuuya mesmerised.
You even noticed how he became slightly more distant in the friendship. You knew that he wasn't doing it on purpose; he was still the great best friend that he always was, but the little signs were there. Holding your hand so that you wouldn't get lost in the crowd had diminished to just staying close to you. Whenever you called him on a free day to ask if he wanted to hang out with you, he would apologise, saying 'I have a date with Yasuko later'. And the fact that you had the same free days really said something about how much they meant to him.
You walked away, the sight getting too much to handle. Once you were at a safe distance, you crumpled against a wall, biting down on the inside of your mouth to stop the tears from leaking out. A higher-ranking mafioso like you, crying over some crush? Pathetic. An unfitting model for your subordinates who looked up to you as a great unflinching leader.
"Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty." You chuckled bitterly, digging your nails into your palms. You hated it- the soft gaze in Chuuya's eyes whenever Yasuko was mentioned, the way that he gently held her hand, the way he became much more sweet and patient with her that was almost nothing like how he acted around you- you hated it all. You regretted not confessing to him sooner all those years ago.
But you were only the side character in their romance; forever doomed to support them while you suffered in silence.
Was there something or somebody that you could blame for this agony that you were currently in? Destiny, perhaps? Or even Cupid? Those names only made you scoff as you stuffed your hands into your pockets.
There was nobody you could blame except for yourself.
Perhaps it would have been better if you were the one who saved Yasuko, not Chuuya. They would have never spent as much time with each other, and you'd still have a chance at romancing him. None of this would have happened if the roles were reversed at that time.
But who were you kidding? One way or another, they’d end up together by the red string of fate. The most perfect match in all of Yokohama that could put every other couple to shame. And you'd always be the third wheel- the 'best friend' whose sacrifices went unseen just so that they could be happy.
Or maybe it would have been better if Yasuko didn't exist in the first place.
"-Y/N? Y/N?"
A voice broke you out of your thoughts, and you blinked a bit before refocusing onto the girl in front of you.
"Is everything okay? N-not that you have to tell me what's wrong, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll always be here for you."
Yasuko looked at you with a concerned expression, her eyes searching your face for any sign of discomfort.
Those innocent, beautiful eyes of hers that had held Chuuya captive in their gaze.
Ah, right. You were currently in the shopping mall with her, because her boyfriend had asked you to accompany her like some sort of bodyguard. And who were you to refuse, as his best friend who was always there for him? Well, you were grateful that Chuuya trusted you enough to let you near Yasuko. You had seen how protective he was of her.
"... Nothing. I'm alright."
You smiled at her, all traces of your previous emotions now gone. How could you have let your composure slip so easily? This hangout was so that you could 'get closer' with her, not reminiscing about the pathetic past that held you captive in this agonising love.
She frowned a little, but before she could say anything else, you jumped at the opportunity to distract her. Anything that could make you temporarily forget your pain for one moment was what you desperately needed now.
"Oh, looks like they're selling discounted jewellery! Let's take a look! You might find something that you like."
Grabbing her wrist, you dragged her towards the jewellery store despite having no intentions to buy anything. You simply wanted her to be distracted by the precious stones, so meticulously cut and fit into fine metal that it was laughable how they were mostly for show. A valuable trinket only made to be admired and forgotten at the end of the day, even when so much blood had been spilled over them. Blood that would forever stain the hands of a sinner such as you.
"Oh! I remember Chuuya taking me to a similiar store! He bought me a ring; I said that there was no need, but he insisted." Yasuko glanced down at the gold-and-red circlet that lay snugly around her index finger, her gaze becoming shyer as she profoundly remembered the day that her beloved boyfriend had bought it for her.
Your own silver ring that he gifted to you on your 18th birthday paled in comparison to the 5-carat Burmese ruby that sat atop her finger. It was a harsh reminder of who the buyer really preferred from between the two of you. That twisted feeling in your gut resurfaced, but you pushed it back down. You had no more frivolous hopes that he would one day realise you were the one whom he truly belonged with.
"Haha... did he now? I didn't know Chuuya was such a romantic. Did you know that rubies symbolise passionate and undying love?" You smiled as she blushed; the redness on her cheeks rivaling the shade of the precious gemstone that was proof of his commitment to her.
People were right when they said love hurts, but they never mentioned that it was the most painful sensation in the world. All the stab wounds and burns and whatnot that you had experienced from your enemies were nothing compared to a broken heart. A heart that was made to be torn apart to pieces as it weeps for the love it would never get.
Something cold brushed against your wrist, and you looked down to see a bracelet made up of the most exquisite yellow topaz. Yasuko held an identical one in her hand, her expression almost bashful as she faced you.
"I... I wanted to get matching bracelets for the two of us. I know it's only been a few months since we became friends, but being around you has really brightened up my life. I'm glad that we got to meet each other, and I hope that our friendship continues to grow and strengthen!"
She smiled at you; a smile so full of purity and beauty that it would've made many men fall onto her knees in front of her. It was a smile that didn't belong in the dark depths of Yokohama- instead, it belonged to a goddess that was too good for this world. A goddess that clearly deserved to call Nakahara Chuuya hers. Just seeing that smile made you feel infinitely more guilty about the nasty thoughts you had about her each night.
Yasuko's smile faded, worried that she might have overstepped your boundaries due to your silence.
"S-sorry... I should've asked you beforehand if you wanted to buy matching bracelets. Please don't force yourself to buy it just to make me happy-"
You shut her up by slipping it onto your right wrist, the topaz seeming to reflect the sun's golden rays back at you. Shooting her a smile, you grasped Yasuko's hand and put the other bracelet onto her left wrist joint. It fit nicely; just like anything else that she wore.
"May our friendship last until death do us part." It was a pact that you had sworn with Chuuya before. And you always kept your word, never breaking a promise to someone no matter how bizarre or extreme it was.
How unfortunate, really, that death did you apart too early.
@circinuus @riiwrites @ruanais @justcallmesakira @yasu-masashige @oldworldpoolhall @heartsfourdazai @ashthemadwriter-uwu @sariel626 @yuugen-benni @chocsra @iridescentdove
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theminecraftbee · 6 months
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The problem is, Bdubs can't stop thinking about it, and it's starting to drive him a little insane. "It", here, being the expression of terror on Joe's face, entirely caused by Bdubs, before he realized what was actually going on, and by unable to stop thinking about it, Bdubs means it's haunting him, but not even the scared kind of haunting. The haunting of--
Alright. Back up. So. Normal enough to be a little into the mild suffering of your fellow hermit. That's half the point of Decked Out. Some temporary murder, some ribbing, heck, there's even footage sometimes! And it's not as though, Bdubs thinks, that too many people think weirdly of Tango for watching. For making the game. Really, there's nothing wrong with it!
Nothing wrong with imagining, hey, what if Joe had actually been right to be frightened, and hey, wouldn't it have been nice if he'd actually had the heavy hooves and powerful jaw of the beast he was pretending to be, and could just--
Right. Anyway, Joe got a refund, and Bdubs, he was like, super helpful. The most helpful. A ravager lackey! Joe did die in the end, but it was to vex while Bdubs wasn't even looking! Wasn't his fault. The emotion Bdubs feels about that totally isn't disappointment, because that would be weird. That'd be...
Oh, who's he kidding here, huh? He wishes he'd actually been one of the ravagers. Why else would he be unable to stop thinking about it?
And now he's sitting outside of Decked Out, squinting at the thing. Distantly, he can hear the sound of the dungeon, active. Tango's probably somewhere in there, playing with wires and cackling at whoever running's misfortune, the lucky bastard. And there's--whichever stupid ravagers are in there right now. And they're stupid! Way too stupid to be real threats. Someone smarter, now that could take out Etho! Hah, imagine that! If Bdubs got to take down Etho, or Hypno, or...
Or...
"That stupid prank went messing with my head," mutters Bdubs. "Being a ravager is a stupid idea. This is stupid. I'm going to yell at Tango, for being stupid."
He shudders, for some reason, as he passes over the threshold of the dungeon. Something settles over him.
It won't leave his head.
It won't leave his head.
What if?
He still has the hat. If he uses the back way Tango showed him, it's not like anyone would know, right?
"And those are stupid ideas and how I get possessed," mutters Bdubs, but he doesn't move, and he doesn't stop thinking about it until Gem comes to mock him about being too scared to go in, and he has performative bravery to distract him instead.
(What if? What if? What if?)
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skribblezcorner · 2 months
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stupid silly zosan (again)
Continuation of my tipsy Sanji post i made a couple of days ago!! you don't need to read that first if you didnt already but I am slowly nudging you.... to my page.... sumbliminally.... (go read it)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zoro is at his wit's end.
It's been close to half an hour, and he's wandering in the dark alleyways of this random ass town trying to get back to the ship. In addition to that, He's carrying a very drunk and very annoying Sanji on his back.
"Marimooo," he drawls, swaying to the side. "Where the fuck are we?"
"Stop fucking moving or I'm gonna drop you, cook."
The position they're in is precarious as it is, Sanji's legs wrapped around Zoro's waist the only thing really keeping them both upright.
The cook's hands come from where they're draped over Zoro's shoulders to poke at his face. "You don't even know where we're going, do you?`"
"Like you know either," Zoro grumbles.
"Yeah, but you're mostly sober," the cook slurs.
...Fair enough.
Sanji yawns, the action driving his chin harder into the top of Zoro's head. "You're talking too long, hurry up so we can get to the Sunny."
"Maybe if you stopped fidgeting, I could actually walk straight and we would get there faster." Zoro grunts, hoisting the lanky man higher up on his waist.
"Fuck you, I'll walk myself back to the ship then." Zoro thinks Sanji attempts to get off his back, but the cook slumps back down almost immediately after raising only his head. "No, no no. that's not happening. Christ, how much did I drink? Marimo, I'm gonna die from alcohol poisoning-"
Zoro lets Sanji lament about his booze-tinted doom, mainly because he's still trying to figure out where the fuck they are but also because the blond idiot does this every time they go out drinking. He gets piss drunk off of what, two shots? and Zoro has to haul his uncoordinated, mouthy ass all the way back to the Sunny. Bonus points if he stops to spew his guts in an alleyway. Sanji stops talking after a few minutes, but the silence doesn't last for long.
"Did I tell you. We're going... uh... grocery shoppi-"
"Yes. Yes, you did, Curly. Six goddamn times."
"Okay, don't be a dick about it!" He feels the cook's spindly fingers sluggishly tug at his hair, pulling his head sideways and making them more unsteady than they already are.
"Stop. Moving," Zoro hisses as he stumbles. "You're fucking heavy."
Sanji giggles from behind him, and Zoro can feel the vibrations across his back as the blond speaks. "Oh, 'm sorry, you directionally challenged wad of grass. Maybe if you went the right way you wouldn't have to carry me any longer." "Shut up! It's too dark, everything looks the same."
"No, you're just fuckin'... what's the word? oh, incompetent. I bet you don't even know what incompetent means."
"I know what incompetent means."
"God, I'm so dizzy," Sanji groans.
"Stop complaining!"
They bicker back and forth, Sanji spewing insults in his ear while Zoro barks at him to shut up and wonders how many times they've passed that street lamp on the corner. Sometime during that, Sanji's head makes it into the crook of the other man's neck, and every time the cook speaks his lips brush over Zoro's shoulder. His hands have also taken up permanent residence in Zoro's hair, combing through the short strands as he complains endlessly. Zoro can't say he minds.
"Ah, we're lost," Sanji whines in his ear. "Completely, irre....irrevocably lost. Marimo, the ship was ten minutes from the barrrr."
"We're almost there, you impatient prick." They are not, in fact, almost there. Zoro trudges past what he feels like is the same house he saw fifteen minutes ago.
"Good... because m'gonna pass out."
"What?" The cook doesn't speak, and his fingers go slack on top of Zoro's head. "No, cook - damn it, wake up." Nothing but Sanji's soft breaths sound as a response.
Zoro looks around, surrounded by rows of dark houses and no boat in sight.
He heaves a long-suffering sigh. "God fucking dammit."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zoro struggles for another 30 minutes trying to find the ship with Sanji as a dead weight the entire time. he hated it (not really).
Sanji, for the 27th time: we're going grocery shopping tomorrow Zoro, tired of his bullshit: I KNOW.
ugh theyre such dumb homosexuals making bad life choices. i want to make them kiss.
Every day at 3am I rise from my coffin to write zosan content. they make me sick <3333
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d10nyx · 2 months
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slice of heaven
ft. leon kennedy x fem!reader
cw: 18+ content, religious themes, p in v, soft, fluffy sex and a little crying
a/n: i was gonna wait to post, but thought i’d drop this fic before uni starts up again so you guys could have a little something before my posting becomes more infrequent! hope you like it :)
word count: 1.1k words
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“Are you sure you want this?” The words are whispered breathlessly against the skin of your neck, Leon's lips brushing you lightly, his grip strong on your waist. What he means to say is, are you sure you want me? But the words get caught in his throat. He can't ruin this moment. He doesn't want to scare you off. You nod softly, lips parted as your soft breaths fall from between them.
”Yeah… please.” You murmur, tilting your head to the side to allow him better access. A shudder of heat runs through Leon, his fingers tightening around you. He sucks marks into your skin, claiming you. A way to tell himself you’re really his. You’re not going to slip from his grasp and become lost. You won’t be another name on the list of the people that have left him. He wouldn’t survive it.
I’m not good enough for you. I’m a broken man. We can’t be together.
He forces that part of himself under wraps, ignoring the feelings you inspire within him. As gentle as possible, Leon lets his fingers drift away. I’ll hurt you. I’ll tear your life apart. I’m not capable of love.
He can’t keep his hands off of you for long. He’s never been able to. His palms slide up your arms as gently as he can manage before he cups your cheeks tenderly, tilting your face up to meet his. He holds you carefully, like you’ll break if his grip tightens even slightly. His eyes duck down to your mouth, his eyes fluttering shut as he bends his head down slightly to meet your lips. You taste like everything he’s ever wanted. Like Heaven just opened its gates and bestowed its blessing upon him.
For the first time in his life, he can feel his heart pounding, his hands trembling, in a good way. You feel like everything he’s ever wanted. You’re so sweet, so… perfect. The only time his brain doesn’t try to eat him alive is when he’s with you. You make him forget. Nothing he’d ever do would be able to thank you enough for the brief reprieve you give him from his thoughts. Sometimes, he hopes the ground would open up and swallow him whole, put him six feet under where he belongs.
Maybe he belonged with you. Like this.
He pulls away hesitantly, afraid this is all a trick, that once more, his happiness had been snatched out from under him. But your lips curve into a smile, and your hand rests on his jaw. That tells him that this is real.
You are real.
”I love you.” He croaks out, his breathing shallow. He’s tearing up. God, is this what he’s come to? He’s already so pathetic that a simple kiss is enough to send him reeling. His thumb brushes the corner of your lip, the curve of it. All he wants is to make you happy, even if it means he’ll have to let you go. His innocence died years ago, ripped cruelly from his grasp before he had an opportunity to even appreciate it. You still have it - that light in your eyes. A sense of hope in this world.
He hopes that if he sticks close enough to you some of that will rub off on him. Make him whole again. He’d worship you gladly, spend hours on his knees buried between your thighs. He’s not good with words, but he’ll show you how much he loves you. How much he craves your presence.
“I love you, too.” God, your voice. It makes his knees weak. Those words alone feel like enough for him, like all his sins would have been forgiven. He didn’t deserve you, but you were here. With him. Maybe God was rewarding him for his years of suffering, the nightmares that still haunt him at night. His own tiny piece of Heaven, wrapped up in a pretty bow and presented right for him in his arms.
His lips meet yours again, more desperately this time. You kiss him back just as passionately, his tongue probing at your bottom lip before sliding into your mouth. His hands grip at your shirt, slowly tugging it off. It’s not long before the two of you are in a tangle of limbs, greedily tugging at each other’s clothes as you collapse onto the bed.
”Leon, please. Need you.” You pant, the sound of his name on your tongue is both torture and mercy all at once. Call out his name, and he’ll be baptised. Born anew, washed free of his sins. Never in his life has he found a more beautiful sound than how your lips say his name. If he could, he’d have it on a constant loop in his head. It drives him insane, festering in the depths of his mind. You’d cared your name into his heart, made a home for yourself in his head. He’d never be free of you, and he’s not sure he wants to be.
”I got you, honey.” He manages after a moment of just staring at you. He lines himself up carefully with your drippy hole, pushing himself inch by inch inside of you. He moves so slowly, his hands caressing your side as he continues to push until he’s buried fully inside your heat.
“Fuck, baby. So good.” He says quietly, his voice cracking. He grinds his hips against your momentarily, shuddering as he hears you moan. He pulls out and thrusts back in, a small sob leaving him. You’re so quick to comfort him, your hands on his cheeks, rubbing at his cheeks.
”God, ‘m so sorry. Just needed this, sweet girl. Needed to feel close to you.” He pants out, shaking slightly as he thrusts sloppily into your wet cunt. His hand slips down your stomach slowly, his palm resting below your belly button. His thumb finds your clit, rubbing slow circles into it.
”That good for you, baby?” He asks gently, his eyes finding yours as he increases the pace of his thrusts slightly. He’s not gonna last long this time. Not when he’s been away from his precious girl for so long. He smiles a little when you nod, increasing the pressure before angling his hips to hit your sweet spot with every thrust.
He relishes in the sounds of your moans, how sweet it sounds as you babble his name over and over again. He lets out a slight whimper at the feeling of your walls fluttering around his cock as you cum, your back arching as you gush all over him. He thrusts shallowly a few more times before he’s pulling out, cumming all over the inside of your thighs. He leans over to grab his shirt, wiping you off gently before chucking it to the side. He pulls you into his arms, kissing your forehead and caressing your back gently.
When he dies, he doesn’t think he’ll go to Heaven. But that’s alright, ‘cause he’s found his own slice of it right here on earth.
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heavyhitterheaux · 10 months
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Meet Me Halfway
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AN: Whewww buckle up!
Synopsis: He's a hopeless romantic, but you can't for the life of you understand why he won't commit. He's attached to you and doesn't want to be around anyone else. Doubts start to creep into your mind and now you're left feeling like you aren't good enough.
Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader
Requested by: @kentuckyboyharlow 🥰
Jack Harlow Masterlist
Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere
“That’s my good girl, you better take this shit and act like you want it.” Jack said while hovering above you while you were in the midst of getting your back blown out by him for the sixth time this week.
All it took was a few new outfits from Givenchy and three pairs of Louboutins to have you at his mercy.
But this was the usual thing.
You definitely didn’t need him, there was no doubt in your mind surrounding that.
But you wanted him.
You were successful in your own right having graduated from the top of your class at Harvard and following in your parents footsteps of being a business owner. You had always had an eye for fashion, so that was your go to. High end boutiques that you owned which could only be found in Paris, London, New York, Tampa, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and Atlanta. 
The two of you met when he had ventured into one of your boutiques when you had happened to be there and he was infatuated by you from the first glance. 
And everyone was able to tell. 
This entire friends with benefits situation had been going on for a year and a half, and as much as you didn’t want to admit it, it was now starting to bother you.
Bottom line is that you knew that you deserved better, but you wanted for the better to come from him.
As far fetched as that idea was. 
Jack would tell you all the time how he longed to be in a relationship with someone that would see him for the person that he was and not just what his job entailed.
Well, that was you.
He would admit that you were one of the few people who still treated him like a person and separated him from what his job description entailed. 
He would go to you about everything and sometimes more often than not, you would know things before even his best friend Urban did.
Jack would always tell you how much he trusted you and how much he valued having you in his life, however it didn’t quite feel like it sometimes.
Being that you signed an NDA, there really was no one that you could talk to about your relationship issues and didn’t want the risk of you accidentally letting his name slip from your lips when you were addressing the topic. 
So, you suffered in silence.
But, you honestly didn’t know how much longer you could take. 
Jack literally did everything for you that a boyfriend would do in a relationship, there just wasn’t a title to go along with it. 
As you were both coming down from your high, Jack took the opportunity to pepper kisses all along your skin, before finally reaching your face and kissing the side of your mouth before pressing his lips to yours. 
He slowly slipped out of you making you wince before laying down next to you on his back and pulling you on top of him.
Jack noticed that you had been unusually quiet for the past three days.
He bought the gifts in hope that it would put you in a better mood, but truth be told nothing had changed.
That’s when the thought of him losing you crept into his mind no matter how much he tried to block it out.
You meant a lot to him and when an opportunity arose for him to tell you, he took it.
He loved you and was in love with you but probably would never say it to your face. He was scared that he would either run you off or mess up a good thing and that was honestly the last thing that he wanted to do.
You were his safe place and his safe haven. 
“Babe, why are you so quiet? Did something happen? You haven’t been yourself for these past few days.”
“I’m fine, I promise.” You answered, not bothering to pick your head up from his chest to look at him and you knew that he was going to continue to push until he got an answer that he was satisfied with.
“You know better than to lie to me. You can tell me anything. I want to help you fix what’s wrong if I can.”
Oh, he definitely could,alright, if he would just admit his feelings and stop being scared all the time.
That was the only reason that you could think of as to why he hasn’t said anything to you yet.
“Can we just drop it? It’s not something that I want to think about right now. You asked me to come see you and I did and that’s all I want to focus on before I have to fly back home.”
“We can drop it for now, but before you leave I want an answer.”
“It’s nothing, just work things.”
“That’s bullshit and you know by now that I can see right through you.”
“Jackman….”
“Damn, we on government basis now?” Jack asked as he looked down at you and the two of you finally made eye contact.
You were quiet and simply looked at him. 
When he didn’t get an answer from you all he did was sigh before kissing the top of your head.
“Fine, I’ll let it go for now. Maybe it’ll take your mind off things when we go to see my parents and Clay later.”
“I thought you said that we weren’t leaving this bed when I got here?”
“Well more or less. We’ve been going at it for six days anyway, one night away won’t hurt. And they miss you anyway. I told them that you were coming and they got excited.”
This obviously wasn’t the first time that you had met Jack’s parents. You actually knew them really well. He always introduced you as his friend when meeting someone new and every time Maggie saw you she would ask if her oldest had asked for you to be his girlfriend yet.
Because she honestly didn’t know what the hold up was either.
She would always tell you the way that Jack talked about you and how he would literally light up and get excited. He didn’t do that with anyone else.
Not to mention that when the two of you met, he literally cut off everyone that to him would be seen as a distraction and would take his attention off of you.
You were the shiny new toy that he was infatuated by and as many times as you wanted to walk away from the situation, he kept reeling you back in. 
“So, what do you think of the house?” Jack asked you quickly changing the subject before you had an opportunity to say no.
You had been the first person that he confided in about wanting to buy a house and he wanted for you to go house hunting with him in Louisville, however, your schedule just didn’t allow it. But you promised him you would come and see it as soon as you could.
When he made the purchase, he immediately flew you out to see it, hence, why you were there now.
He still had some decorating to do for him to get it exactly how he wanted it, but the basics were there.
You were the first person to step foot in it besides him and the realtor and you admit that you loved that he confided in you so much because he valued your opinion on different things.
“I like it, it suits you.”
“I got an extra key made for you too.” Jack said while reaching over to the bedside table to grab it and then placing it in your hands.
“Jack…”
“No, I want you to have it. You’re my person and if at any time you need me, you know that I’ll be here and there’s no need to hesitate. I’m always going to be here for you no matter what. If you want to hop on a plane in the middle of the night to come see me, then you can. You keep me grounded and the last thing that I would ever want to do is lose you.”
“Okay.” You said as you reached over to put it to the side of you making a mental note to put it on your keys later.
“Can I be real with you for a minute?” Jack asked you and you simply nodded your head.
“Of course you can, I’m never going to tell you no.”
And truth be told that’s what your problem was, never being able to tell him no.
“I just think about how I can’t wait to settle down and have kids. I highly doubt that I’m going to meet my wife in a club somewhere, but you never know I guess. I want for them to want for nothing and that’s why I work so hard now.”
Luckily you weren’t facing Jack as he told you this because you immediately rolled your eyes.
He always did this shit and made you feel as if you were just a placeholder even if that wasn't his intention. Keeping his wife’s spot warm for when he actually did meet her and then what? He would probably kick you to the curb and would probably have to give him the house key back.
When that happened, you planned on cutting him off for good.
And you weren’t going to run back to him no matter how hard that it might end up being.
Because how in the world would you be able to compete with somebody’s wife?
“I don’t know if that’s what I want in life or if that’s the type of life for me.” You quietly answered and Jack did a double take.
Honestly, you wanted for it to be with him, but the thought of that went out the window a long time ago. 
What Jack wouldn’t admit to your face is that the only person he saw that future with was you.
“Since when? From the moment we met you said that you always wanted a family.”
“Well things can change.” You replied while shrugging. 
“Any man would be lucky to have you and he wouldn’t want for nothing because of how amazing of a person you are. Anyone is able to see that. Especially me."
“I.. just don’t know if I’m cut out to be someone’s wife.”
“You’re definitely more than capable. Just look at the way you take care and do things for me.”
You so badly wanted at that moment to get up and walk out the door and never speak to him again, but of course it wasn’t that easy.
You were too far in and down bad and you knew it. 
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Jack placed another kiss to your temple and this time you couldn't help but to smile.
“Now let me eat you out before we have to get ready.”
It was now around 8 PM and Maggie had cornered you with a glass of red wine for you to update her about everything that had been going on in your life in the backyard since she ordered out for dinner not having the energy to cook anything.
I guess it was fair seeing as the last time you saw her was a month ago.
You truly adored his parents and looked up to them as they were yours right along with Clay.
“Okay miss lady, spill it!” Maggie said while sitting next to you and handing you the wine.
“Nothing is really going on!” You said while laughing and taking a small sip.
“Nothing? Nothing at all? Including with my oldest child?” 
“Definitely nothing there. We’re friends, that’s all.”
“But the way that he looks at you tells me otherwise. I know that look because that is how Brian looks at me.”
“Mama Maggie….”
“What?! I’m just saying! I know what love looks like when I see it and I definitely see it between the two of you no matter how much either of you wants to deny it, Mama knows best.”
“I’m not saying that you’re wrong but….”
“But what?”
“I just don’t think I’m the perfect fit for him.”
“And that is utter bullshit, excuse my French. You two fit together like two puzzle pieces and not the ones that you have to force together.”
“We’re friends and the last thing I want to do is ruin that.”
“But my question is, what if you don’t ruin it and it turns into something more? Then what? You’re never going to know unless you try.”
Just then Jack made his way over to the two of you and Maggie simply eyed him.
“You two were just talking about me, weren’t you?” He asked while looking between both of you.
“Oh, just telling Y/N how I’m waiting for you to ask her on a proper date. Nothing more or nothing less.”
“MOM!” Jack exclaimed while turning beet red and all you could do was stifle a laugh.
“What? What’d I say? You obviously want me to be honest with you right?”
“I… I should have never asked. Anyway, Y/N, you ready?”
“But we’re only one glass in, don’t tell me you’re stealing her from me already.”
“She has an early flight mom, so yes I am stealing her from you.”
“Fine, Y/N, just remember what I told you and don’t take so long to come back and see me.”
“I promise I won’t.”
The two of you simply rode in silence back to his house and once there, you immediately went upstairs to begin packing.
“Hey, you okay? I seriously want you to tell me what’s wrong. I didn’t forget.” Jack asked while coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around you and placing a kiss on your cheek.
"I promise I'm okay. I just don't want you to worry about me.'
"But I always worry about you. Can't help it. If it was left up to me, you would be around me all the time."
"I know I would." You said while laughing and Jack turned you around so that you were now facing him.
He was simply looking at you with that famous smile of his and you could feel your face starting to get hot.
"Oh my gosh, stop!"
"Stop what? I didn't even do anything!"
"You're staring at me!'
"Well I can't help it if my girl is extremely gorgeous." Jack said while leaning down to kiss you and you eagerly kissed him back.
"Can't you stay for one more day?' He quietly asked and you immediately sighed.
"You know I can't."
"Yes you can, you're the CEO and can do whatever you want."
"You had me for a week already."
"And truth be told I need another one. Come on babe, please." Jack said while trying to subtly reach behind you in order to close your suitcase to put it back in his closet.
"But…"
"I haven't seen you for an entire month. Everyone was suffering just ask Urb."
"Fine, one more day."
"Good, because I already went in your phone and changed your flight so this would have been real awkward if you had said no."
"Jack!"
"What!? I missed you."
"I missed you too."
"See if you moved down here, I could see you every day and not have to miss you so much all the time."
"Now, Jackman.."
"Hey, it was just a thought!" 
Even though you promised Jack to stay another day, you still packed the majority of your things away so that it would be easier to get ready to leave and hopefully be at the airport on time. Jack had helped you finish and the two of you began to have a movie marathon before you fell asleep. 
Jack was still wide awake and peering down at you while you were asleep on his chest.
His thoughts were running rampant and he knew that you deserved better than this.
But truth be told, he was terrified.
Terrified of his feelings that he had for you.
He didn't really know why, seeing as he knew you like the back of his hand and he knew that you wouldn’t hurt him, but that thought still had residence in the back of his mind.
The biggest thing he had to separate is the fact that you weren't her.
The two of you had absolutely nothing in common and when Jack met you, it was like a breath of fresh air.
You were focused, had your goals, dreams, and aspirations set and he honestly wanted nothing more than to see you win and be by your side through all of it.
But what he didn't plan on was falling in love with you head first.
He wanted to tell you, he really did.
But the last thing he ever wanted to do was disappoint you or vice versa, you disappoint him.
However, the way that you showed him that you cared let him know that he wanted you in his life for the long run.
It was only a matter of time until you got fed up and he didn't know what he would do when that happened.
Just a little while longer and he'll tell you.
The wife that he would always mention that he wanted was you.
He saw a future with you and no one else.
Now all he needed was the courage to tell you.
You had been back home for about a week and a half and had been extremely busy getting new designs ready for fall. You admit that you hadn’t been answering your phone much or talking to Jack on a daily basis like you usually did, so it didn’t surprise you when your phone started ringing with his specific ringtone attached to it. 
"Hello?" You answered when you had finally found your phone that was buried underneath multiple fabrics that you were using for the dress you were designing.
"Babe! What took you so long to answer your phone!?"
"I'm working, Jackman. I need to work in order to buy things."
"My girl doesn't need to work when she knows I got her. Anything you ask me for, I get it without a second thought."
"I- cut it out."
"Just saying, but anyway, I got your assistant to clear your schedule for this weekend. Actually the whole week." 
"What the!?!? JACK!"
"My baby needs a much deserved break and I'm spending the entire week spoiling her. You'll thank me later."
"Where are we going?"
"Meet me on the tarmac at 6 am on Saturday to find out. Oh and bring that purple lingerie set that I like."
"What? I don't have a set that's purple." You answered, trying to think of all of the sets you had in your head.
"Yes you do since I got it delivered to your house earlier. It'll be waiting for you when you get there."
"What am I going to do with you?" You asked him while shaking your head.
"Nothing. Been stuck with me this long. And you know you can't get rid of me that easily."
"Jackman, get off my phone and let me finish so I can go home."
"So, is that a yes? That you'll go with me?"
"Well I didn't tell you no, did I?"
As promised it was around 5:45 in the morning when you pulled up to the airport to see Jack already waiting for you.
You had barely gotten any sleep the night before between how excited you were, how much you missed him, and worrying about finishing the designs for your boutique.
Once the car came to a complete stop, the driver opened the door for you and while he was getting your bags out of the trunk to load onto the plane, you ran full force into Jack with him catching you and your legs immediately went around his waist.
“Did someone miss me?” He curiously asked while kissing the top of your head.
“Ehh, I mean I guess I missed you.” You responded as he placed you back down on your feet and began to play with your braids. 
“Wait, you guess? After all that I went through to plan this shit for you? YOU GUESS?”
“Of course I missed you J, now where are we going?” You asked as you began to climb the steps of the private jet with him right behind you. 
“Did you bring what I asked you to bring?” Jack asked while eyeing you as the two of you were now seated next to each other.
“If it’s the purple lingerie set that we’re talking about, I’m actually wearing it right now.”
“Good girl. You’ll see when we get there.”
The two of you were now in Paris near the Eiffel tower having a candlelit dinner for your next to last night in Paris and you were in absolute awe of how much he went through to be able to do this for you and were thankful that he takes initiative to be able to spend as much time with you as he possibly can. 
Tonight had to be the night that he was going to do it.
It only made sense right?
He had to ask you to be his girlfriend at this point, because nothing else would make sense.
Him flying you to Paris?
Having dinner near the Eiffel tower?
Putting you in one of the most expensive hotels in the city?
And not to mention him fucking your brains out ever since the two of you touched down with no end in sight. 
The purple lingerie set definitely came in handy. 
I mean this was one hell of a first date if it could be considered one, but you were definitely convinced that it was.
“J, thank you for this.” You said while sipping on your red wine and he simply looked up at you and smiled.
“Anything for my girl, you know that. I know that this is one of your favorite places in the world and I remember you telling me how you really never get a chance to enjoy it because usually when you come here, you’re working so I decided to bring you when I knew for a fact you wouldn’t be working at all. Only work you’re allowed to put in is on this dick.”
“Way to ruin the mood, Jackman.”
“What?! I was just saying! And do you know that I don’t let anyone call me Jackman, but you? Besides my mom of course, but I just love the way my name sounds when you say it.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
“Well, yeah. You’re special to me.” Jack replied while shrugging and turning red at the same time. 
“And you’ve definitely shown that to me this week, and all the time really now that I think about it.”
“And I wanted to ask you something.”
“Of course, anything.” You answered as your heart started to race.
This had to be it, it just had to be. 
“I just don’t know how you’re going to take it.” Jack said while scratching the back of his neck, clearly nervous.
“Babe, just ask me.”
“Would you be in charge of designing my wardrobe when I go on tour?”
What.the.actual.fuck.
“Wait, what?”
“Only because I know you have so much to do already, but I wanted you to come on tour with me! I can’t go that long without seeing you or having you near me.”
“Oh.” You said in defeat and now decided to pick up your fork and play with your dessert and trying not to break down in tears in front of him.
“Just think about it, baby. No pressure, but I would love to have you with me. And you already know how much PG adores you.”
“I’ll think about it.” You quietly said and Jack immediately noticed a change in your demeanor.
“Okay, just let me know. Oh and one more thing.”
Jack simply pulled out a box that had Cartier written on it and placed it in front of you and all you did was stare at it.
“What are you waiting for baby? Go ahead and open it.”
You did as you were told and slowly opened it up to see that it was a bracelet.
But not just any bracelet.
It was THE bracelet that you had told Jack you had wanted, but never got around to actually buying it yourself.
“Jack…”
“Do you like it? Here let me put it on for you.” He said while taking it from you to help you put it on.
It was taking everything in you in that moment to not rip it off and throw it into his face.
“You’re my person, Y/N, and don’t you ever forget that. You ready to get out of here?”
You forced a small smile and quickly nodded.
You needed to get away from him.
As soon as possible. 
This had gone on long enough and you were tired of feeling like you weren’t good enough for him.
The ride back to the hotel was awkwardly silent and Jack knew that there was something wrong, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint what it could actually be. 
He finally cornered you in the master bedroom of the suite that you two were staying in and wanted an answer.
“Babe? What’s wrong? Something’s off.”
“You just wouldn’t understand.”
“Why wouldn’t I understand? Where is this coming from?”
“Jack,  drop it and I mean it.”
“Something is wrong with my girl and I’m not dropping it until she tells me why.” He answered before turning you around to face him.
All you did was look down and Jack quickly put his finger under your chin for you to look up at him.
“I’m tired of not being good enough.” You quietly whispered not being able to hold it in any longer.
“What? What do you mean? Good enough for who? You are more than enough.”
“Obviously not for you.”
Jack wasn’t expecting that for an answer and was now looking at you confused.
“For me?”
“Don’t play dumb because I do not have the patience for it tonight.” You said while turning around and continuing to pack your bag.
“I’m not playing dumb, but why would you say that?!”
“Jackman, you literally do everything as if we’re in a relationship. Down to the gifts, you buying me a car no matter how much I wanted for you to return it, you fuck me whenever you feel like it, fly me out to wherever you are in the world and you literally just gave me a key to your house. And now apparently instead of flying me to Paris in order for you to ask me to be your girlfriend, I get a bracelet and you asking for me to go on tour with you instead. All while still not being able to call myself your girlfriend. You just take and take and take from me and I allow it! I follow you anywhere like a lost puppy! You don’t see any problem with that?”
“Where is this coming from because the last time I checked, you were okay with it.”
“When was the last time you checked? Because I honestly don’t ever remember you asking me.”
“And you’re just saying something now? We’ve known each other for almost TWO years!”
“And that’s all you have to say? You constantly make me feel like I’m not good enough and that I’m a placeholder for your actual wife because you even said it yourself.”
“NO I DIDN’T!”
“BUT IT WAS IMPLIED!”
“Y/N.. just I can’t have a girlfriend right now.”
“But you can have me, who is basically your girlfriend without the title? I’VE MET YOUR PARENTS AND YOUR GRANDPARENTS. WHO DOES THAT FOR SOMEONE WHO THEY DON’T PLAN  ON BEING WITH?!”
“I….”
“And now you don’t even have an answer because you never intended on making me your girlfriend in the first place. Even if you led me to believe that you were. You cut everyone off for me and it’s like for what? You might as well call them back because whatever this is, it’s over and done with. You’re not going to play me anymore.”
“No one is even playing you! You knew this shit from the beginning and how it would be!”
“Jack, you don’t have to worry about me so here’s your key back. And do me a favor. Don’t call me for the rest of your life and I hope that you find your wife wherever she may be.”
“Y/N… you don’t mean that. You…. don’t do this.”
“You don’t love me so why do you even care if I walk out of your life?”
“I DO LOVE YOU!”
“BUT NOT THE WAY THAT I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! I’M DONE, I’M DONE WITH THIS SHIT! I DESERVE BETTER!” You were now crying and Jack was trying to embrace you, but you immediately pushed him away.
“No, I’m not getting roped back in so don’t even touch me.”
“Y/N, you’re crying.”
“BECAUSE OF YOU!”
“Y/N, I just need more time. We’ll do this, we’ll do it all. Be in a relationship and everyone will know about it.”
You simply wiped your eyes with the back of your hand even though they were still steadily streaming down your face.
“No, don’t try to save face now and try to make it right. I meant it when I said I was done. Don’t give me any handouts. I want someone to love me for me and love me outloud and not be afraid to show it. I have never seen someone so scared of commitment like you are. I’m not innocent in this either, however, I realized that I deserve more.” You said as you closed your suitcase and was making your way towards the door.
“I CAN’T FUCKING LIVE WITHOUT YOU AND YOU KNOW THAT!”
“You lived without me for 22 years. I’m sure you’ll find a way to fill the void.”
“Y/N please. I don’t know what I’m going to do if you walk out that door and never talk to me again.” Jack pleaded with you with actual tears in his eyes.
“You’re Jack Harlow. You’ll find another bitch to keep your bed warm at night.”
“But she won’t be you!”
“And you’re damn right about that. Maybe now I can actually look for my husband, wherever he may be.”
“Let’s just sleep on this and we’ll talk about it again in the morning.” Jack said while trying to come closer to you but you immediately backed up. 
“Jack, I made myself pretty clear. The answer is no.”
Taglist:
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@a-moment-captured
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@valentinqee
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archangeldyke-all · 2 months
Note
BOXER SEV WITH A GF WHO WATCHES ON THE SIDELINES-
*gets tackled by fbi agents,a link flying out of my hand*
https://pin.it/2XRlSvqMi
☁️🍄
YES im gonna make this part 2 to the PT reader/ boxer sev story i wrote a few months ago :)
men and minors dni
it's hard for you to watch sevika in the ring.
before you were dating, you watched her fight with a calculating gaze, keeping a tally of each potential injury she suffered, trying to mentally coach her to keep off her bad ankle. you were much more analytic than anybody else in the crowd, execpt maybe silco her coach.
and now, you're even more zoned in while she fights. not only is she your patient, she's your girlfriend. and now, every hard hit she takes, every time she hits the mat, or her nose starts bleeding, you cringe, like you can feel the pain yourself.
sometimes you just want to look away, but you can't seem to tear your eyes off of her.
and as painful as it is to watch her get beaten to a bloody pulp... sometimes it's pretty fucking hot.
like when she's winning and she knows it, and she's got that cocky giggling smile on her lips as she dodges hit after hit.
like when she spits blood and saliva onto the mat, an angry, concentrated look taking over her features.
when she's sweaty and panting and wearing nothing more than her sports bra and some baggy shorts.
sometimes, you forget that you're not just there to gawk. you've gotta work too.
your favorite part of watching her fight is the end.
when the round is over, and you and silco rush to the edge of the ring, passing her towels and water and asking her questions and coaching her.
you always reach out to take her face in your hands, pulling it to and fro as you examine her for any horrible injuries or signs of a concussion, and you always have to ignore the hazy, adreniline ridden, lusty look she gives you with her chin in your hands.
and after you've completed your examination, you keep her head in your hands, your eyes scanning up and down her body, looking for new bruises or sprains or breaks.
and when you're finally satisfied, you look back up at your girl, and she grins.
"happy?" she asks. you chuckle and nod, and sevika swoops in to smash her lips to yours.
the crowd always goes wild.
sometimes, when she wins, she's too hyped up on the victory to let you check her over, jumping out of the ring and wrapping you up in her arms, smashing her lips against yours before you can even tell her to wait. she tastes like blood and sweat and she's always humming happily against your lips, and you always have to remind yourself that you're in public, that you're here to work. (and sometimes, despite all your mental reminders, you just melt into her arms, opening your mouth to let her tongue swipe against yours, tugging at her hair and melting at the lovely little moan it pulls from her.)
sevika and you have been caught fucking in various venues' locker rooms so many times that now silco has to accompany the two of you to keep you out of trouble. (this doesn't stop sevika from fucking you with her eyes and groping you any moment silco's head is turned.)
and when you get home, after sevika's shower (which usually includes you getting pushed against the cold tiles and fucked until your legs give out) and the massages and stretches you insist on giving her before she sleeps, you're always certain to talk her to sleep with comments and quips about her fight that night.
she snorts when you mess up a technical word for a certain punch, rolls her eyes when you fuss and worry about her injuries, and gives you the sweetest, shyest smile you've ever seen when you praise her for a good fight.
taglist!
@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki
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