#sometimes im funny

[the-heartlines]

#sometimes im funny #aegon ii targaryen #aemond targaryen #house of the dragon #hotd #hotd memes #mother cain #religious trauma #ethel cain #my edit

[tryanmybest]

Arthur, put the packet on the glass

what... glass?

The little glass dish in the microwave.

ah. got it.

Now, close the door.

which door?

The door to the FUCKING MICROWAVE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

#sometimes im funny #malevolent #arthur lester #malevolent podcast #john doe malevolent #harlan guthrie #private eyes #jarthur

[coffee-in-that-nebula]

TOW Neelix nearly murders everyone with ice cream

Fandom: Star Trek Voyager

Summary: My response to the @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt!

It takes place in early season 2. It's been 1 year since the crew of Voyager got stranded in the Delta Quadrant, and everyone feels upset. Neelix tries to cheer them up by making some special gelato for them. It's silly, funny, and I loved writing it. No-beta though. Not an English speaker, but I believe I'm good.

Rating: G

Thank you, @pc-corner for your help!

When Chakotay, Tuvok, and Kathryn entered the mess hall, everyone else was already seated. Neelix rushed toward them with an enthusiastic grin swept across his face. He opened his arms when he reached them as if to embrace them. The command team instinctively took a step back , but Neelix, in his eagerness, didn’t even notice it. 

“Welcome,” he greeted them in a cheerful voice. “We’ve been waiting for you! Follow me, please!”

Without waiting for a response, Neelix led them to the only empty table that stood in the center of the room covered with a gleaming white cloth. Tom, Harry, B’Elanna and the Delaney sisters occupied the table right next to them. Harry  stood up abruptly to salute his superior officers, but Tuvok’s stern glare and Chakotay’s silent laugh made him sit back down. He was confused. 

“We’re off duty, Ensign. No need for salutations. Just enjoy your time off,” Kathryn informed him trying to hide her amusement. 

Harry nodded. “Thank you, Captain.” Tom couldn’t hold back a laugh. 

Neelix clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. “The celebration can begin!” he announced, and a few crewmen, who had volunteered to help him, started serving sundaes to everyone. 

“What are we celebrating anyway?” Chakotay murmured. 

“We’ve been stuck in the Delta Quadrant for an entire year. Isn’t that reason enough?” Kathryn responded sarstically. 

Tuvok intervened, even though both the captain and the first officer were ignoring him.  “Mr. Neelix confided to me that he has recently overheard many crewmen talking about the negative feelings they have been experiencing realizing that it has been already a year since we got stranded in the Delta Quadrant. He said he had a surprise to cheer everyone up, so I gave my permission.”

“He’s a morale officer who takes his role very seriously,” Kathryn observed raising her eyebrows. 

Chakotay nodded. “Everyone has been upset - he’s right about that at least. Maybe that’ll be a good distraction.”

Then, a crewman approached their table and placed a sundae in front of each of them. Much to their astonishment, they saw the most vibrant pink ice cream that anyone could ever imagine. 

Tuvok was about to make a question, but Neelix’s voice interrupted his train of thought. 

“Before you all enjoy my creation,” he started in an exciting voice, “I’d like to inform you that this is NOT a common ice cream. This is authentic Italian gelato,” he emphasized. 

Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged a confused look. Tuvok raised an eyebrow and fixated his eyes on the ice cream. He was clearly examining it. 

“Why is it pink?” Tom asked uncertainly. “Didn’t you say it’s the authentic recipe?”

“It does look a little… different,” Harry confirmed.

“The authentic, yes, but with a few tweaks of course! You know how creative I am,” Neelix exclaimed. “About the pink color… I used a very special sugar substitute. I’m so excited for everyone to try it!”

“Have you tried it?” B’Elanna inquired. 

“Of course,” Neelix confirmed, “It’s delicious!”

Over the next few minutes, the mess hall went silent as everyone started eating their ice cream. However, the room soon became uncomfortably quiet. Some crewmembers started discreetly scratching their arms and legs while others’ faces seemed unusually flushed. Tuvok started looking around him. He could hear nothing but whispers, and most of the dishes were still half-full.

“Something is wrong,” he stated calmly, but thoughtfully. 

“What are you talking about?” Chakotay wondered as he ate another spoonful of ice cream. His dish was almost done. “It’s not tasty, but it’s not the worst thing I’ve eaten either.”

“I loved it!” Tom exclaimed. Tuvok noticed that he’d actually finished his ice cream. “It wasn’t exactly tasty, but it was interesting. Its color brought me an odd sense of nostalgia, and its texture was at least intriguing.”

Kathryn shrugged, barely touching her ice cream. She didn’t have much of a sweet tooth.

Harry was one the one who broke that unsettling silence. “Ah!” he yelped in pain. 

His tablemates were immediately concerned. 

“What happened?” B’Elanna asked. 

"I... don't... know," Harry muttered, still holding his abdomen. "I'm in pain! My stomach hurts so bad."

"It must be the ice cream," Megan pointed out, grimacing as she looked at her half-finished dish.

"No way!" Tom protested. "I loved it. It's not bad either; it barely smells like... anything."

"I'm going to die," Harry murmured, looking paler than before.

Suddenly, Tuvok, who had overheard everything, stood up and took Kathryn's sundae from her hands. Kathryn looked astonished.

"Captain, this ice cream can lead to critical conditions. Therefore, you will not have any more."

Kathryn was confused. "What are you talking about?"

“Ensign Kim is in pain,” he informed her indicating Harry’s direction. Harry had just stood up with Tom’s help and he was almost doubled over in pain. 

“What?” Chakotay squeaked. “And you let me eat all of it?”

“You are not the captain,” Tuvok answered sternly. “Also, you’re too gluttonous,” he observed with a raised eyebrow. 

“Everyone stop eating,” Tom yelled, “The ice cream is dangerous! Harry is dying!”

Neelix rushed toward them. “What happened? Captain, commander…Mr. Tuvok… I’m so sorry!I…I don’t know…”

“I need to use the restroom,” another crewman exclaimed and ran past them. 

“You certainly distracted the crewmen, Neelix. Don’t use anymore of that sugar substitute, though. Alright?” the captain said letting out a chuckle.

Neelix nodded with his eyes wide open from concern.

Chakotay let out a sigh as he stood up, and made a face. 

“The Doctor is going to be busy tonight.”

Tuvok nodded in agreement. "I will notify him immediately," he responded, and struck his combadge.

Also on ao3:

#star trek voyager #st voy #st voyager #sometimes im funny #critical ice cream #star trek #my fic

[tiredasstaurus]

Sometimes I think, then I remember I probably shouldn't because people will think I'm a witch (I am) and burn me at the stake

#witchcraft #incorrect quotes #witch trials #women #ridiculous #we need less men in the world #sometimes im funny #cottagecore #cottage aesthetic #witchcore #witchblr

[ponyfries]

#sometimes im funny #omori #meme

[chibi-taylormoon]

Ai: hey, Yusaku. what's april fools?

Yusaku: its a day to celebrate you

Ai: there's a whole day just for me?? ;-;

Yusaku: yeah, you're the biggest fool

Ai: >:(

#yugioh vrains #yusaku fujiki #ai (vrains) #i also posted this on my twitter so i must share #sometimes im funny #yusaku likes to bully ai

[teeto-peteto]

#sometimes im funny #sharing shark man is caring <3

[cynassa]

Me, chanting under my breath: I am the most fuckable person in this art gallery

#cyn talks #sometimes im funny

[mikeys-bike-slut]

Tokyo Revengers crack

someone pls take photoshop away from me... p.s: he ANGY

#tokyo revengers ryuguji ken #draken #ken draken ryuguji #ken ryuuguji #kenchin #kenny boy #toyko revengers crack #tokyo rev crack #sometimes im funny

[effervescentdragon]

The Brainstorm Squad Polycycle as tropes

@milflewis @jaytwo

#sometimes im funny #but im always right #brainstorm gc <3 #shenanigans tm #naila 💜 #one! braincell bestie #i thought abt this half my trip #imma.pass out now

[the-heartlines]

#sometimes im funny #barbie #ken #barbie meme #aegon ii targaryen #mojo dojo casa house #tom glynn carney #hotd #house of the dragon #hotd meme

[thebahwrites]

Shares this here so everyone waiting on my projects knows what to expect

#bah rambles #sometimes im funny #the coked up effect of neurological medication on me is UNREAL #my thoughts are CRISP

[dragonbleps]

Didn't have any dinner plans so Dad's going to Dairy Queen to get us Blizzards for dinner.

Dad: What size you want?

Me: Well, the heart says "Large" but the brain says "I don't think you can eat all that."

Dad: ...?

Me: So, Large, I guess!

#missy rambles #he got a kick out of that lmao #sometimes im funny

[sweatandwoe]

You ever put a joke in your households group chat and hear someone laugh down the hall. Best feeling

#sometimes Im funny #sometimes

[mothgoats]

mutuals

hi

we should be friends

#eheheh #im sorry im actually a gremlin who is bad at responding but i do my best #sometimes im funny

[tedhugheshater]

just noticed that the way i organised this in my bio is so.

#sometimes im funny #mine #.txt