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#son why you so angry

quietwingsinthesky · 8 months

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Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word — about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!

There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!

I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)

And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.

#there’s a whole other bit to this about how like. it’s hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive #at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt don’t always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just #makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection.#he’s very much his father’s son in that way. that’s why Sam. the guy he’s been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up #hurting the most. it’s tragedy. it’s realistic. it’s a good fucking mess.#and that’s why I don’t get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the #parts that make him a character worth revisiting. he’s so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the #time he doesn’t but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and it’s just. I get why someone might take this #part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that he’s stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is.#he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this.#Dean’s degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who #can’t heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him #being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and #then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation.#it’s good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody.#maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now.#spn #dean winchester #tw abuse

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quintushazard · 9 months

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🔥 on pucci

I'm actually having to think super hard on this because I don't think I have many opinions that wouldn't be obvious to regular non-freaks (such as he was not in love with Dio, etc).

The first thing that pops into my head is that I hate when people make Pucci into Vanilla Ice 2 in fanworks, making Pucci call Dio 'Lord Dio' and all that. While Dio probably very much did just see Pucci as a follower, Pucci saw Dio as a friend - he just called him Dio!

I know this is just Fandom Grievances now, but I also find it weird to ship Pucci with any of Dio's sons. Not only are they quite young for him, he also fuckin' hates all of them lmao?? All of Donatello's arc was Pucci going "Jolyne is so much better than you in every way Donatello".

And of course everyone already knows that I don't think Pucci hated Whitesnake, nor was he overjoyed to lose him in favour of C-Moon lol

Thanks for the ask!

#ask game #ask #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #enrico pucci #if i get angry anons because i don't like dona/pucci then i'm gonna laugh so hard #“hey if he hates all of dio's sons then why do you ship jotapucci” look it's ironic it's old man yuri okay. shush.

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sealrock · 2 months

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SCOLDED.

ask meme

cw: depiction of corporal punishment

(ty for the ask @abalathia!)

The unnatural humidity clung to his hair as he sat by the riverbed. His clothes unpleasantly stuck against his skin, meaning he would have to take a long bath afterward. The now lonely moon peeked through the canopy every now and then, its white glow illuminating an old pipe held between shaky hands. The trees were silent. He scratched at the still-healing tattoo near his cheek. The evening song of cicadas, crickets, and toads grew louder as the minutes passed. Thirsty mosquitos bit into Achille's bare arms and exposed lower legs with vigor, leaving behind swelling welts as he contemplated in solitude.

No one's around to see me, it's ok.

Everyone else's doing it.

Nel and Nilo'ya keep making fun of me. They call me a bloody altar boy. They piss me off sometimes.

If this was so bad, why do adults smoke it? Seems to be pretty good, I'd imagine.

A warm summer night such as this, especially deep within the southern parts of the Shroud, should be spent listening to bard tales around campfires with friends and family—on any other day and not in the aftermath of an apocalypse, not hidden away in the thicket of the forest alone... Alone. That's how Achille spends most of his nights recently. His foster father, Chiron, began working evening shifts at the mines after they moved to Boughbury roughly a few moons ago to escape the permanent winter that fell upon the lands when Dalamud fell. But Boughbury was not home—home was up north, in the crisp, open space of Coerthas. Besides his two only friends, Achille hated Boughbury—and the feeling's mutual with the older locals.

Chiron wasn't due home until late into the night. Achille was independent enough to make his meals and look after the cottage, and Chiron trusted him not to make a mess of things now that he was older. Achille had his chores to keep him busy—clean Talona's pen, feed Talona, scrub the floors, wash and fold the laundry, and inventory the food stores. But menial tasks led to boredom, which quickly led to mischief, and Achille found himself leaving the relative safety of his home to partake in youthful disobedience—such as drinking, stealing, and smoking.

Achille considered robbery immoral, and drinking dulled the senses. He tried a mug of ale once, it was disgusting. His peers, those he tried to integrate with, would hurl all kinds of names at him for his perceived self-righteousness, and Achille would respond with harsher insults and physical violence. But Chiron raised Achille with concrete morals and beliefs, like a true monk he once was. Chiron refused to indulge in these activities; to indulge in the base excesses of man would be to sever the connection to the Destroyer. He raised Achille to follow the same beliefs: he must never drink, smoke, or use violence for the sake of violence. Chiron had broken the creeds in the past, and he toiled every day to make up for it.

Unfortunately, this would make Achille the target of social pressure; as the new kid on the proverbial block, Achille was an outsider looking in. Nel and Nilo'ya, fellow outcasts in the tumult hierarchy of adolescents, saw Achille as a kindred soul. They, too, followed the rules set by their elders... When they were being watched, of course. Nilo'ya, a rambunctious Keeper boy with a blinding smile, gave Achille the initiative after snatching his grandpa's smoking pipe and tobacco for Achille to try out.

While Nilo'ya tends to snort the stuff as dried snuff, he considered this to be "too easy" and that "the reward must equal the risk." Achille was reluctant at first, but after watching Nilo'ya make smoke rings as effortlessly as he skipped stones across the water, Achille was quick to change his mind. Alongside Nel, a lively Duskwight girl as tall as Chiron, they taught Achille the know-how of pipe smoking. His heart hammered in his chest with excitement, but Achille's stomach rolled with anxiety. He drew in a few deep breaths to steady his hands; Nilo'ya would cry if he were to drop his grandpa's pipe into the water and lose it. From his front pocket came out a tiny pouch of fresh tobacco; it reminded Achille of mulch.

As instructed, Achille carefully packed the bowl with at least three pinches and packed it down with his thumb. He tested the draw once, twice—it was just right. All that was left to do was light it. He took a glance behind his shoulders on the off chance there was someone nearby who could spot him. He had walked a suitable distance away from the village, and no one besides his friends knew about this particular spot in the woods. It's now or never.

He clutched the mouthpiece between his teeth as he struck the match, watching the flame sway in the light breeze of the night. His hand was still trembling as he watched the flame dance across the top layer of tobacco. He could hear Nel in his ear telling him not to inhale the smoke as soon as it hit his tongue, just let the vapors roll around in his mouth before he released. Nilo'ya said to draw in small puffs to keep the embers lit, or else he would have to relight. Achille blew out the smoke slowly. It disappeared into the night air.

Achille took another draw, and before he knew it, he was smoking as if he'd done so for years. The flavor was something to get used to, however. It had a bitter taste as it sat on his tongue, and it almost put Achille in the mind of Gysahl greens. How did Achille know what Gysahl greens tasted like? He ate some on a dare once; he had to clean up the vomit before Chiron came home.

Thankfully, Achille didn't get hit with a sudden wave of nausea. The tobacco, or at least the thrill of smoking, calmed his nerves and settled his stomach. Achille couldn't find any reason not to smoke now that he was doing it, displeasing taste aside. But, like all things, Achille would get too bold and disregard consequences. Thinking himself a master, he drew in a deeper puff he wasn't ready for. The smoke reached past his mouth, slithered deep into his chest, and burned his insides. Achille dropped the pipe as a coughing fit overcame him, his eyes stinging with tears the more he hacked and wheezed up the smoke, his throat crackling from the dryness. Desperate for relief, Achille took a few gulps of river water, careful not to let the pipe roll away from where it fell into his lap.

"Who goes there?"

Achille nearly jumped out of his skin at the voice—he knew that voice. He tried to speak, but his throat was still raw. A flurry of coughs spilled from his lips instead, thus making the voice come closer to his location. In his blurred vision, Achille could make out a large and dark figure in the low light, and it carried a small ball of light that swung from left to right with every footstep. Achille rubbed at his eyes to see Chiron standing before him, confused and shocked to find him sitting here in the dark. Soot and dirt dusted Chiron's clothes, and the lamp he carried cast a deep shadow across his face, revealing a drained appearance.

"Achille? Seven hells, what in the world are you doing out here this late at night?"

Achille couldn't answer. His foster father must've got off early, of all the nights. He could feel his face burn from embarrassment, his ears drooping from being found out. Achille tried to hide the pipe from sight, but he couldn't conceal the lingering stench of tobacco.

Chiron sniffed at the air. He narrowed his eyes, "What are you clutching?"

Achille hummed in ignorance. Chiron set his jaw.

"Show me. Now."

Chiron's tone of voice was something not to argue back to. Achille had only heard it a few times in his life, and he could count on one hand how many instances Chiron was this cross with him. Unable to talk his way out of this situation, Achille shamefully gave the pipe over to the now greatly disappointed man before him. Chiron's shoulders sagged as he inhaled a steady breath, his nostrils flaring and eyebrows pinched. Achille awkwardly rubbed at his neck, his mind flailing to find an excuse, an apology perhaps. But no amount of pious posturing would make up for this latest act of rebellion.

"Achille," Chiron started, voice low, "I raised you better than this. I've tolerated your behavior because I can understand what it's like; becoming a man in this world, especially the world we have now, is not easy. A boy's coming-of-age is full of many trials. But this crosses a line that I cannot accept. You have disrespected me, my rules, and my teachings. We monks must keep our bodies and minds unclouded, and we must be diligent in our pursuit to become one with the Destroyer. You have used our techniques for petty squabbles and disregarded our truths as fiction. It's dishonorable."

"But Baba, it wasn't me, it was-"

"Not," Chiron's eyes grew dark with rage, making Achille shrink back, "another word. You will go home, and you will wash off this taint... And you will prepare the salt."

Achille's eyes grew wide in fear. He shook his head in a panic as he began to plead and beg, but Chiron grabbed him by the scruff of his collar and ordered him to walk. Achille only experienced this punishment once when he was younger; he acted particularly ornery one day and said something he shouldn't have. Punishment was swift—kneel in a line of salt until his kneecaps bled. The monks in Ala Mhigo used this against new initiates to fortify their resolve, a type of thick salt that could cut through flesh. But Achille broke down after ten minutes in tears and wails. It was an experience he wouldn't forget for as long as he lived.

The second time around was worse. Achille had done what Chiron requested: he washed away the stench and prepared the salt. The whole while, he willed himself not to cry. His fifteenth nameday was approaching, and men did not cry. Chiron sat at the kitchen table, his face stoic and hands clasped on top of the wood surface. Dressed in his smallclothes, Achille stared down at the salt before he lowered himself on top. The pressure from his weight allowed the sharp salt to pierce the skin almost immediately.

Achille bit down on his tongue to keep from crying out. His back stayed rod straight, and his hands were clenched so hard his knuckles turned white. His face started to turn scarlet from the pain, but he kept his eyes on Chiron with an unwavering stare.

"I hate to make you do this," Chiron had a tinge of guilt in his voice now, "but you know the rules, my son. You must endure it, embrace the pain."

My son. Spoken with the unconditional love of a parent. They weren't related by blood, but Chiron never saw Achille as anything else.

Achille wanted to cry. The more the crystallized salt dug into his bleeding wounds, the more Achille's resolve shrank. He felt himself double over, his nail-bruised palms flying out to keep him from falling facefirst into the hardwood. The fringe of his red hair kept his watery eyes hidden, but the tremble of his shoulders gave him away. The sob that threatened to spill from his lips caught in his throat; it was getting harder to keep his composure.

The dam finally broke when Achille adjusted his legs to keep the numbness away—the overwhelming pain was too much. His forehead met the planks of the floor as he wailed, tears and snot and drool staining the wood. Achille lost track of how long he stayed on the floor, but he wanted it to end. He screamed himself raw:

"Make it stop, Baba! Make it stop! Please!"

Before he knew it, Chiron lifted Achille into a tight hug, the air of the room cutting into his bleeding wounds. He openly sobbed into Chiron's shoulder much like he used to do as a child—he still was a child. Chiron shushed his sobs as he walked to the bathroom to clean and treat the wounds.

"You're alright... You're alright, my son. It's over, it's all over."

Achille continued to cry, breathless and wracked with exhaustion. He felt Chiron's hand card through his hair, making Achille curl into his chest in shame. Chiron held him close; he said nothing for a long while until he whispered:

"You may think me cruel and even hate me for this now. This seems fun for your friends, and you think I'm being too hard on you. But please understand, my son, I made a promise to someone when I found you: I promised to keep you safe. Don't give in to the temptations of man, for you will be lost. I wouldn't be able to live with myself watching you go down the path of wickedness. You will overcome this, I have no doubt."

Achille had calmed to sniffles as he listened, his eyes swollen and face splotchy. His head throbbed. He let the words of his foster father—nay, his father, sink in. He didn't have the energy to talk.

"Everything will come together in the end. I'll be right here with you. I love you, son."

Achille felt his heart stutter. He swallowed back tears and buried his face into the fabric of Chiron's work shirt. His words were muffled and small, but the message was clear.

"... I love you, too, Baba."

#inbox #abalathia #a glimpse into achille's teenaged years with this one and his relationship with his dad. it wasn't the best during this period #but they got better over time. achille was dealing with stuff as most teenagers would #like i mentioned once before: achille got into a lot of trouble before he eventually ran off to ul'dah (probably when he was 18/19)#he was straying from the path so chiron had to set the record straight more than once. but this is the only time he truly got angry #so it may be extreme to some but so would any parent's reaction to finding out their kid has done something wrong #chiron had lost one son (during the rebellion mind you). he doesn't want that to happen again either way #chiron basically lives a straight edge lifestyle. it's why achille never drinks or smokes as an adult #it may be the sleep deprivation talking bc icr but i don't think achille has ever said a curse word in his life #moral of the story: smoking is bad stay in school #writings.#q.

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shinayashipper · 1 year

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still wonder how Yugi really felt when Kaiba called him a "Vessel" in DSOD, I just think That is one of the most cruelest thing Kaiba could say to him 😂😂 i mean he always says mean things and done Worst especially to Yugi but idk That Part about how Yugi's just a Vessel and he only needs the Pharaoh back REALLY HURTS ME 😂😂😂😂

#when aigami and kaiba calling yugi a vessel #I WAS READY TO THROW HANDS #dsod kaiba is so meaannn why are you so mean son why are you so Angry #(I mean we Know why but still)#the fact that Yugi didn't say anything to Deny that is just <\3 #he swallows it all because he Knows Kaiba's Hurting too #red rambles

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lilgynt · 8 months

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i think i like will so much bc something is deeply wrong with him at his core. something isn’t right. and it’s not any other reason but him. it’s not the empathy or autism it’s not his childhood it’s not even his work or jack and hannibal something is deeply wrong with will graham at his core with no outside influence and he hasn’t done anything wrong - hell his whole job is helping people, he collects strays off the road nurses them to health and keeps em especially the ugly ones, and generally is kind if not nice whether it’s a time he’s kind by instinct or pushing himself to be kind he still is and all of this just to say something is so wrong with him in such an inescapable way that he’s always 100% conscious and self aware to

#personal #mr graham i love uuuuuuuuuuuuu #even graham in the books #that scene with the stoner son and his like prison friend and graham is like i’m very angry at this guy bc he scares me so i’m threateningt #to send him back to prison to feel more secure or whatever the passage was graham i think of you daily #and that line where jack is like i think wills knows exactly what’s happening in his head and that’s why he doesn’t want anyone in there #will graham could live a perfectly polished life from his birth to death never do wrong by anyone or thing once and even if everyone around #him treated him normally and his empathy didn’t get in his way i think will graham could still perfectly #understand laying in bed curled up staring at nothing bc something is not right and it’s not even something you can pinpoint or NAME #it’s just. an understanding and a drop in ur stomach that doesn’t end #anyway i think hannibal and will dealt with the awareness’s that sormthing was wrong/ other about them Completely different and it’s a lil #funny

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timeisacephalopod · 9 months

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I know I made a post the other day about making fun of peoples names being rude and people need to shut the fuck up but I found out my sister is naming her kid Texas Pete and we're not even American, it is EMBARRASSING to name your kid after a state of a country you don't even live in and the Pete is taken from the idiot father who will NOT like when I ask her in front of him why the hell she chose to name her kid after him when ZERO of her children are named after HER and also you're gunna name your kid after the guy who couldn't even pull his cock out on time? THATS what you're going to saddle this kid with?

I wish she'd gotten an abortion 🙄🙄🙄🙄

#winters ramblings #hell at this point i wish SHE was the abortion my mom got. would have saved us ALL a ton of trouble #texas fucking pete whata shitty name for this kid just give him up for adoption to someone whod ACTUALLY care about the kid #enough not to name him after his idiot fucking father who cant do jack SHIT and is incapable of takung care of HIMSELF let alone kids #but sure fuck and reproduce eith it until you get bored in 3-5 years and do the SAME shit with the next guy like youve been doing since 18 #god this whole situation has pissed me the fuck off. shes not going to like when i tell her FLAT OUT #that i put more thought into a DOG than sje did a CHILD and how does she think thatll make her son feel if he ever found that out?#THATS why im so angry like i thought about a DOG more than you thiught about a KID and then you name him like elon musk names kids #fucking fabulous 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

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todayisafridaynight · 11 months

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OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.

Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."

Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.

Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."

[Follow up to this ask]

#snap chats #yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered #LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now #i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of #thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it #masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are #i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does #about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it #'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively #i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk #there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers #though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent #idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur #but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything #moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed #making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner #on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked #i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft #'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS #anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry #BYE

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