#songs of selfhood

[godsopenwound]

#i’m always thinking of this poem i actually woke up today with this in my headd #stephen crane #m #songs of selfhood

[lucky-slice]

Teen Idle - I want blood, guts, and chocolate cake // I wanna be a real fake

#kevin day #this is her song #do you get it??? #do you ever think about kevin being a media darling from a very young age? #do you ever think about how far removed his public persona is from his selfhood? #okay anyways she's crying in the club #aftg fanart #Lucky Slice Art

[dykemind]

NO FUCKING WAY??????????????????????

#HIATUS KAIYOTE RED ROOM ONE OF THE MOST A WOMAN NEEDS A ROOM OF HER OWN FEMALE INTERNAL EXPERIENCE SELFHOOD SONGS OF ALL TIME #she is killing the cover

[doomednarrative]

God everytime I think about Daft Punk for more than two seconds I have to go listen to RAM again (the one cd of theirs I managed to get my parents to buy for me years ago) and then I get to "Within" again and want to Cry about it

#song about a robot who doesnt understand the concept of selfhood and identity and the struggle to fit in because of that #resonated Really hard with young trans autistic me and Still does #makes me feel things

[wastedwinter]

[...] we lay on the river-bank, learning the lines of each other's bodies anew. This, and this and this. We were like gods, at the dawning of the world, and our joy was so bright we could see nothing else but the other.

Madeline Miller, from The Song of Achilles

#the song of achilles #madeline miller #madelinemiller #greek mythology #gods #greek gods #love #lgtbq #quote #quotelove #selfhood

[elisaenglish]

“A thinking woman sleeps with monsters. The beak that grips her, she becomes. And nature, that sprung-lidded, still commodious steamer-trunk of tempora and mores gets stuffed with it all: the mildewed orange-flowers,  the female pills, the terrible breasts  of Boadicea beneath flat foxes’ heads and orchids.

Two handsome women, gripped in argument,  each proud, acute, subtle, I hear scream across the cut glass and majolica like Furies cornered from their prey: The argument ad feminam, all the old knives  that have rusted in my back, I drive in yours,  ma semblable, ma soeur!”

-Adrienne Rich, Snapshots of a Daughter-in-Law-

Someone well-meaning once told me that I couldn't have this mind and this face. It confused men—and her, apparently. And I think about this periodically, not to validate a position that really is a sad state of affairs, but because I can't be the only one who ever bucks a trend. All things to confusion? More all things to revolution. As for the rest? By the paradox not the construct, I do swear.

#writing #quote #poetry #women writers #love #life #selfhood #meaning #existential musings #all eternal things #love in a time of... #a murmur of fire #stripped and bare #here at the confessional #inside of me #underneath it all #truth be told #depth perception #perspective matters #song of myself #beauty's where you find it #the sacred interior #no apologies #this is who i am #elisa english #elisaenglish

[planet4546b]

wagh no i wanna talk about june actually i care her so much. means the world 2 me. anyways my dear young wolf has like a deeply fucked up sense of identity from being The Hero essentially since the first day they were rezzed, feels as is everyone who considers them a friend only understands a part of their personality that may not even be real and like. really badly needs a hobby and or a day off perhaps. they use they/them and will not give a name to 99.9% of the people they know, but she goes by she/her and june to ghost (this is like. the one shred of identity she feels she can hold onto, which is why she keeps it to herself). both her and her ghost (similarly, he only goes by julius to her and no one else) named themselves after dragonflies. her nightmare is the black garden. she <3s stasis. she is my close personal friend.

#pers #destinyposting #elaborating more on the yw/crow relationship bc i think its fun -> #anyways june genuinely feels like crow is one of the only ppl to truly understand her #(shes purposefully looking past the idol worship he has going on) #(he still is not included in ppl that know her name + pronouns except possibly in the future) #and she is WELL aware that like. starting a relationship with him while also lowkey lying about what she did to uldren #is A Little Fucked Up. but shes like DESPERATELY trying to grab onto a sense of selfhood and personality #as things continue to escalate worse and worse and this is one of those ways of like claiming individuality + selfhood #like i said its not. particcccularly healthy and it falls apart pretty quickly under pressure but. still. #everyone is asleep time to post about my poor and dealy beloved junie. i CARE HER #LMAOOOOO EDIT. currently listening to my yw crow playlistand erica western geiger counter came on #which is possibly THEEEEEEE most megan song of all time. forgot how many of my new meg thoughts i put into junie but i sure did

[marchivists]

heart hurts thinking about how iwtv is really just about trying to love others, the world, yourself and failing very very badly. but always trying

#nature boy really is the most song of all time for the most story of all time #but anyway i think this is true of all the characters #louis obviously wants to Be Good as thats how he thinks he can best love his family and his community #lestat wants to Understand and to Be Understood #claudia is similar to lestat in she also wants to be understood. but she’s seeking a different kind of understanding #the kind of understanding that comes with Autonomy and Selfhood #but none of them ever have proper teachers in love !!!! so they try and try and almost always get it wrong #hgghhh #iwtv #the vampire chronicles #mumbles #to be clear its also about killing n biting n hurting n stuff but . mostly love

[professionalowl]

playlist: henry vii and also playlist: eda and lilith as a more fun one

playlist: henry vii (for the uninitiated: i PROMISE this is an in-joke)

the original tudor by the cast of horrible histories (it seemed quite toothless but actually ruthless/i made the monarchy great)

i will be king by the hoosiers (i will be the king and i will be in charge of everything/whoa-o-oh, i have the right to reign)

cemetery by coin (never made time for the family/but he's the richest man in the cemetery)

you're nobody 'til somebody wants you dead by saint motel (and the list, it grows and grows and grows and grows)

reinforcements by sparks (let's reach accord, and ink a pact/then, please dismiss your regiment)

playlist: clawthorne sisters

mandatory evac/counting cars by the oh hellos

brother, sister by beta radio (open the drawer, sister, by the door/where you hid your diary with diagrams, all forsaken plans)

gone by JR JR (i've made up my mind, over and over/keep pressing rewind, but i'm getting older)

little fang by avery tare (cause they might laugh and they might be scared/of the wilder thing with the trikes in her hair)

cecilia and her selfhood by villagers (and i knew it made me wonder, what kind of twisted mind/would ever hurt her, so thoughtless and unkind)

dream by roar (feeling ashamed of an empty threat/"i can still change if i want to")

harmony hall by vampire weekend (we took a vow in summertime, now we find ourselves in late december/i believe that new year's eve would be the perfect time for their great surrender)

passerine by the oh hellos (see my birds of a kind, they more and more are looking like/centurions than any little messiah)

heretic pride by the mountain goats (i want to cry out, but i don't scream and i don't shout/and i feel so proud to be alive)

stuck in gravity by of monsters and men (staring out the window, looking at the rainfall/hoping for starlight, head is still an animal)

#will reformat this in a sec #anyway. apart from the hvii playlist potentially being the funniest thing i've ever made #lilith and eda (devastated) i could explain the song choices here further since i think the lyrics i picked are a little opaque #dream is inspired by one animatic someone made in the wake of agony of a witch and stuck in gravity is directly inspired by last ep #cecilia and her selfhood is one i really heavily associate w the both of them for whatever reason #apart from that. rest should be self-explanatory? #thanks bestie #AUGH IT'S NOT LETTING ME ITALICISE THE LYRICS #music

[firstfullmoon]

SOLMAZ SHARIF: I was recently reminded of a story of a political prisoner—I don’t know if I want to share this. . . This political prisoner, who had been convicted and was facing the death penalty, was in a large cell with about twenty other political prisoners. Periodically, the guards would come and call one of their names and take that person out to be executed. When this political prisoner’s name was called, the prisoner stood up and started singing “The Internationale.” The whole cell sang along, and that was their farewell. But when the prisoner went into the hallway, the guards told them that they weren’t going to the gallows. They were being transferred to a different prison. The guards took them to the latrine, and while the prisoner was in there, they realized they wouldn’t have wanted “The Internationale” to be their last song, and started reciting a poem by, I believe, Hafez from memory.

For me, the why of poetry has become the reason revolution must happen to begin with. It’s no longer the conditions that make revolution inevitable, but what’s waiting for us on the other side of it. That required me to be more vulnerable—removing the conceptual frame was an act of that allowed vulnerability. . .

ALINA STEFANESCU: That reminds me of how my parents made me memorize poetry. They said: If you find yourself in prison, if you lose your home, family, livelihood, everything, the poems you remember will keep you whole. At the end of the day, alone in a cell, no one can steal the stanzas you remembered. The recitation itself is a radical act of refusal. Maybe poems sustain the hope and selfhood that carceral systems aim to extinguish.

SOLMAZ SHARIF: I love that. I was reminded of poetry’s capacities at the beginning of the pandemic. When lockdown started, some of my artist friends who work in other mediums suddenly couldn’t do any work. I remembered, for readers a poem is something you can carry with you anywhere, and for poets, writing a poem is an action that you can undertake anywhere. You don’t need physical materials. I hadn’t decided to turn my attention toward those qualities, however; I was forced to. My idea of poetry is tied inextricably to my early understanding of carcerality and war—both of which evaporate all that seems solid. And poetry seems especially able to survive these things. I bristle at the word hope, but the poem’s scrappy thereness is enough for me. In an interview late in his life, Mahmoud Darwish says, “poetry changes only the poet.” Some people understand that statement as pessimistic or cynical or jaded. Or maybe see it in line with Auden’s choppily quoted “poetry makes nothing happen”—a quote betrayed in the two words that follow: “it survives.” Auden is often quoted to fall neatly into that neoliberal ethical bypass of so much American literature. But I see the Darwish quote as honoring that even when a poem can’t be anything else, that it will be enough. I’m surprised by this turn in my own work, but the lived practice of poetry in my life made it inevitable.

— Solmaz Sharif and Alina Stefanescu, in conversation for BOMB Magazine

#maybe poems sustain the hope and selfhood that carceral systems aim to extinguish ! #w #interview #solmaz sharif #all beautiful poetry is an act of resistance

[enchanted-wildflower]

On animism

One of my teachers at university told us something today, that I believe to be relevant to animism and therefore also witchcraft:

He explained that in the West we see everything as occurences, whereas in some languages the same happenings are described as actions. Meaning that in the West we tend to imply that there is no agency involved in whatever happens, while some other languages tend to imply that someone activily causes things. His example was that in the West rain is understood as something that just happens, no one causes the rain. Whereas in Mesoamerica it was believed that it rained because some god was crying.

While the idea of a literal crying god causing it to rain on earth might be outdated, I find it really interesting how these two perspectives - events vs. actions - might shape our relationship with the world. If rain is not just an occurence, but someone acting with agency, rain becomes another part of the community we live in. The community then doesn't only consist of humans anymore, but of everything that surrounds us. Suddenly there are all these new players that actively affect your life with their actions. Other-than-human persons that you can interact with and with whom you have to keep a friendly relationship. If the tree in front of your house isn't just an object, but a being with agency, you actually have to be at least respectful and might even want to build a relationship with them, get to know them, learn from them.

I think that's really the core of animism. Descriptions of animism are often reduced to the believe that everything has a soul, but I think believe doesn't even factor into it. You don't need to believe that there is a non-physical aspect to rain, mountains, stones. It's about how we interact with them. I don't even have to ask myself the question if the tree in front of my house has a soul in order to learn about and from them or to interact with them. In my opinion animism is something that is done, not thought or believed. It's a perspective.

Listening to my teacher also reminded me of the following part of Braiding Sweetgrass (great book btw) which explains all this really well:

A bay is a noun only if water is dead. When bay is a noun, it is defined by humans, trapped between its shores and contained by the word. But the verb wiikwegamaa - to be a bay - releases the water from bondage and lets it live. "To be a bay" holds the wonder that, for this moment, the living water has decided to shelter itself between these shores, conversing with cedar roots and a flock of baby mergansers. Because it could do otherwise become a stream or an ocean or a waterfall, and there are verbs for that, too. To be a hill, to be a sandy beach, to be a Saturday, all are possible verbs in a world where everything is alive. Water, land, and even a day, the language a mirror for seeing the animacy of the world, the life that pulses through all things, through pines and nuthatches and mushrooms. This is the lan- guage I hear in the woods; this is the language that lets us speak of what wells up all around us.

[...]

This is the grammar of animacy. [...] In English, we never refer to a member of our family, or indeed to any person, as it. That would be a profound act of disrespect. It robs a person of selfhood and kinship, reducing a person to a mere thing. So it is that in Potawatomi and most other indigenous languages, we use the same words to address the living world as we use for our family. Because they are our family.

To whom does our language extend the grammar of animacy? Naturally, plants and animals are animate, but as I learn, I am discovering that the Potawatomi understanding of what it means to be animate diverges from the list of attributes of living beings we all learned in Biology 101. In Potawatomi 101, rocks are animate, as are mountains and water and fire and places. Beings that are imbued with spirit, our sacred medicines, our songs, drums, and even stories, are all animate. The list of the inanimate seems to be smaller, filled with objects that are made by people.

[...]

The language reminds us, in every sentence, of our kinship with all of the animate world.

- Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants (2013), p. 78-80.

#animism #witchcore #witch blog #witchcraft #witch books #braiding sweetgrass #witchy #folk witchcraft #folk magic #plant witch #bookblr #bookish #booklr #studyblr #animist

[gothicfairytopia]

How act two of The Sound of Music might foreshadow Good Omens season three ~

I was reading this post about Aziraphale’s ball idea coming from The Sound of Music rather than Jane Austen, and remembered that I’d meant to make a post about parallels between Aziraphale and Maria. The romantic plot of Good Omens has a lot in common with the plot of The Sound of Music, and season two just so happens to leave off at the very end of act one. So, is there a chance that act two could provide some clues about season three? I find the idea very compelling, so here’s my analysis of the movie and how I think it compares to what we’ve seen so far, as well as what we can hope to see in season three.

In the beginning we have Maria at the abbey, where it is made clear that she does not fit in because she has a hard time abiding by the rules. She also has a tendency to prioritize the natural/material world over her spiritual duties, which is represented by the opening song (“The Sound of Music”), the singing of which literally makes her late to return to the abbey. This has obvious parallels to Aziraphale’s difficulties conforming to Heaven’s way of life, as well as his worldly attachments.

(A fun bonus parallel is in the song “Maria,” when the nuns say “she’s always late for everything / except for every meal.” Aziraphale-coded fr.)

Maria leaves the abbey to be the governess to the von Trapp family, and this is where she begins to really learn about herself as an adult outside of a tightly controlled religious environment. She still doesn’t conform to the new world she lives in, but begins learning how to retain her selfhood without feeling ashamed of doing so. This period is obviously a parallel for Aziraphale’s time on Earth—although the time frames are quite different, the same general lessons are learned.

At the end of act one, as addressed in the linked post, there is a ball where the Captain and Maria dance, and this is the moment where Maria discovers her feelings for the Captain. Although this scene is an obvious parallel for the Jane Austen ball scene, I think it’s honestly more similar to the kiss in the final 15. Maria, mid-dance, stares into the Captain’s eyes, freezes, and backs away, saying she can’t remember the dance anymore. The Baroness is watching from the doorway, and when Maria runs upstairs to get changed for dinner, the Baroness follows her.

Up in Maria’s bedroom, the Baroness confronts Maria about her feelings for the Captain, which Maria denies initially. The Baroness convinces her of her own feelings and of the Captain’s, and essentially encourages her to run away—I’ll get into why in a second. Without a word to anyone, Maria returns to the abbey. This is a super obvious parallel to the end of season two, with the Baroness acting almost in the role of the Metatron by pulling Maria aside and reminding her of her “duty.”

Now into the more speculative side of things, trying to think of how The Sound of Music might offer hints as to what’s coming in season three.

When Maria returns to the abbey, she remains in constant silent prayer for the first several days before being called upon by the Abbess. Maria confesses that she ran away because she was frightened, and admits that she had accidentally developed an attraction for the Captain. She gives her reason for not telling the Captain about her feelings and choosing to return the abbey: “I was there on God’s errand. Oh, I couldn’t stay, I just couldn’t. I’m ready at this moment to take my vows.” This sense of misplaced duty might not be all of it, but again, we’ll get to that in a second.

The Abbess responds with probably more kindness than we’d expect from anyone in Heaven: she says that romantic love can be holy, that Maria needs to discover how God intended her to spend her love, and assures her that “if you love this man, it doesn’t mean you love God less.” With this, she commands Maria to return.

While this may seem incongruous with Heaven’s general business model and something unlikely to be paralleled in season three, I think it’s important to think back to the conversation at the end of season one immediately following the failed apocalypse, when Crowley asks, “Angel, what if the Almighty planned it like this, all along? From the very beginning?” People joke about God trying to set them up from the beginning of time, but I don’t know that it necessarily has to be a joke. The question of God’s ineffable plan is a constant throughout the series—the whole point is that it’s impossible to say what exactly God intends.

This is the exact same conflict Maria faces in the scene with the Abbess. When she objects to returning, she says, “But I pledged my life to God, I — I’ve pledged my life to his service.” The Abbess rejects the idea that this is the only possible plan that could have been intended for Maria, saying, “You have to live the life you were born to live.” Perhaps there will be something similar in season three, some way in which God communicates the same thing to Aziraphale—that loving Crowley doesn’t mean loving Her any less, that their love is holy, and that the life he is meant to live is not one pent up behind heavenly walls, but rather out in the world with Crowley.

After Maria returns, she’s reunited with the children, the Captain and the Baroness break off their engagement, lots of little plot things. What I’m interested in is the song “Something Good” (which I would just like to emphasize is sung in a gazebo... anyway). The song introduces an additional reason for Maria’s departure—namely, that she did not feel worthy of the Captain’s love, a sentiment that he returns. They both come to the conclusion, though, that they must have done “something good” to deserve having found each other. Here are some lyrics:

For here you are, standing there, loving me

Whether or not you should

So somewhere in my youth or childhood

I must have done something good.

The basic theme of the song is self forgiveness, and the acknowledgement that past imperfections do not make a person unworthy of being loved. Rather, both characters here have felt themselves to be inadequate, but view the other’s love as a sign that they must, in some way, be good.

I love the idea that Crowley and Aziraphale might have a moment like this, because I think it would be massive in terms of their own self acceptance. For Crowley, Aziraphale’s love (and possibly God’s endorsement?) is proof that his fall did not make him irredeemable, that he remains a being who can love and be loved in return. For Aziraphale, Crowley’s love is an affirmation that he can honestly be forgiven for his transgressions, rather than marked forever by them (like removing the stain from his coat, allowing it to be forgotten).

Unfortunately, the movie does not end with their marriage—they still have to escape Austria after the Captain is called to serve by the Nazis. I think we can assume the Nazis parallel Hell, and say that perhaps Aziraphale and Crowley really will have to establish “their own side.” Maria has to break free of the abbey, and the Captain has to break free of the Nazis. They do this by running away, and I’m not sure Aziraphale and Crowley would ever flee Earth in the wake of the Second Coming, but I will say that it does immediately evoke the idea of the pair running away to Alpha Centauri. I do think that given the “they are bad at their jobs and did very little to seriously prevent Armageddon” joke from season one, it would be a little funny if humanity managed to save itself during a momentary retreat from Aziraphale and Crowley.

I don’t mean to imply that the blueprint of season three is found in act two of The Sound of Music, but I do think that the movie being canonically a favorite of Heaven’s, the recurring theme of the ineffability of God’s plan, and the sheer number of parallels within the plot so far make it a fair place to look for clues. Who’s to say that God’s plan wasn’t hidden in plain sight?

#brought to u by ur local theatre kid fr #i’ve prepared for this sound of music analysis my whole life #good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #good omens s3 #sound of music #aziracrow #good omens meta #good omens s2

[ginjones]

While it is usually Dream who makes the first move, this time it is Hob. Sharing his body with Hope in all the luxuriating pleasures of the evening. The wine and the songs and the sheer joy of it. An enjoyment, he admits, to having taking pleasure in himself. Music, while an indulgence from days long passed, is filled with stories and symbolism. He is learning, once again, to appreciate these things.

 Hob has learned to channel Hope so seamlessly that it is nothing short of a wonder. It is easy then, to allow this moment of pleasure. To allow Hob to coax him into the alleyway, to press him firmly up against the wall and crowd him with his body heat and his love and his childish naivety. A youthful endless may be oxymoronic and yet-here he is presented in every golden shade. Hob clambers for him, kisses him deeply, pours a sense of prospect into his own endless selfhood. And the light which radiates from them both now is nothing short of mesmeric.

Hope is all about momentum. He is an ever moving, ever striving force and for a moment, Dream luxuriates in that attention. Caught in the warmth of their bodies together as Hob ruts into him. His body brought low under the attentions of this god of indulgences. Baccus and Dionysus are not facets of Hope in the purest sense, and yet, Dream detects a redirection of a narrative. Hob has collected the spindles of an ancient story and pushed it seamlessly within himself.

“I know what you’re hoping for love and it’s okay” Hob says, with all the resolute assurance of a being so attuned to his power. “I’m going to make you feel so wonderful. I can feel your intentions like honey in my mouth. God’s wounds, darling. You taste so good.”

Every step that has led them here has been wonderous. And yet, the old hook of self-admonishment sinks itself like a thorn in his side. What are wants to a creature like him? Despite this evening, despite it all, he cannot help but fall back on the oldest story known to him:

“I do not hope for anything.”

Hob sighs quietly and brings him out of the hold. “Dream…..Come on Dove. You of all people know that a concept extends further than its naming in one language. What’s the root of the word?”

 And oh, this devilish thing. That little smirk of knowing. That yes, of course. Because he has ascended to the status of endless, Hob is privy to every facet of human knowledge. That every iteration of hope, in every language, appears to him as easily as blinking.

“Look, I’ll give you a clue… what does Hope mean in Greek?”

“There is…no direct translation of it but I suppose one would say the lady Elpis is the symbolic representation of it.”

“Yes”, Hob replies, the smile unwavering and gently coaxing him to continue.

“Elpis is expectation. Fulfilment.”

“This is my function, darling.” Hob laughs. “As much as you’re incapable or ignoring your duty to all those who dream I am incapable of ignoring an invocation to hope. And if my present state is anything to go by,” Dream regards the flush of his cheeks, the hard outline of his prick displayed proudly along the seam of his trousers, “I am absolutely, positively primed to grant you that fulfilment and fuck your brains out tonight.”

#the sandman #dreamling #hob gadling #dream of the endless #dreamling fic #hope!hob

[theminecraftbee]

"Pick 2 fics and I'll combine them somehow"

Attempt 33 and solving counting sheep?

(was going to ask scs + boatem roadtrip, but that was answered by a crystal clear mental image of the meme "gee Three, how come you get two crises of selfhood after being changed into something eldritch by forces beyond your control")

okay so there are two directions to take this one--actually no hold on make that three:

three stuck in a time loop, we write about the thirty-third attempt to escape this time loop. interestingly, i think that while three wouldn't have the SAME neuroses about it as joe hills (fewer groundhog day references, for one, but also three has less of a painful need to help people to its own detriment), it would have a similar problem of "constantly approaching the goal line and refusing to entertain getting off of that path". this would be a fic in which three has a few brand new existential crises, for sure! i think that three would like... be less transparently SAD about everything? but also would be a lot more. this would be a fast way to get three to descend into mission mode. it'd be fun!

joe hills turned into a watcher weapon. to be honest, i don't know where, exactly, to take that one; i knew what i wanted from three because i was playing in the territory of a bunch of existing tropes. i knew what a typical watcher!grian looked like, i knew what a typical winter soldier fic looked like, and i knew what themes of identity i wanted to play with. joe hills would be a bit more uncharted, partially on the front of "there really aren't as many joe hills whump tropes for me to play around with unfortunately" and partially on the front of "well, three ISN'T grian, and i'm not sure what shape i'd make the person who isn't joe". so, there you go there.

but then i remembered another old fic idea i could mention that, in a literal plot sense, doesn't combine these two fics that much, but in a THEMATIC sense, very much does. anyway a while ago i had this fic idea i never wrote out where, one day, traffic!cleo wakes up in hermit!cleo's place, in a universe where we assume those are two different people who live two different lives, and the fallout from that is Messy To Say The Least. this is one of those fics i have a title from a song for in my head--"To a Poet"--and a few VERY STRONG scenes in my head. for the record the themes here that combine are "joe's inability to stop helping people even to his own detriment", "dealing with people seeing you for someone you aren't and expecting you to remember things you don't", and "oh my god all of these people have so much trauma and that affects their relationships so bad". man i should pull this fic out of the back burner again sometime, it really was a good idea...

#answered #nydescynt #ask game

[staliamazing]

Mickey's Coming Out (4x11) / Lover You Should've Come Over, Jeff Buckley 

I've always felt this song, particularly these couple verses to be quite queer-coded! I'm pretty sure this song is about cheating but, in these moments, we hear the singer talk about the sacrifices he would make for his lover and lament over what he believes to be the never-ending nature of their love. This sentiment can be echoed by the queer community, especially when considering instances in which people with homophobic/transphobic families have chosen to come out and jeopardize their past relationships to live as their truest self. 

So! How does it relate to Ian and Mickey, you may ask? Here's some examples below based specifically on Mickey's coming out scene in Season 4 episode 11, 'Emily'. You can listen to the song here. 

My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder 

Mickey’s kingdom is his family. Seemingly dozens of Milkovich brothers and cousins and uncles can be seen at Terry’s homecoming party, all sharing a similarly violent and thuggish attitude to the patriarch himself. It was from these people that Mickey learnt his volatility and who bred his affinity for violence, making his declaration even more polarizing.  

"I'm fucking gay."  

Despite speaking with the patois of his family, by publicly sharing his sexuality Mickey essentially emancipates himself from the Milkovich’s. Based on his facial expression as he watches Ian begin to walk out of the door of the Alibi, he finds himself at a crossroads and faces losing Ian, or his family. In choosing to express his love for a man he forfeits his kingdom and the possibility of ever pleasing his father, something that despite not being verbally admitted to is undoubtedly a goal all Terry’s kids reach for, if not just to stop the abuse.  

The notion that the singer gives up their kingdom for a mere kiss, not even upon his lover’s lips but merely on her shoulder, provides us with an understanding of the devotion which they feel towards her. To give up so much for seemingly so little. This allows us to harness Mickey’s point of view for a moment; not only does he essentially give up his place in his family to stop Ian walking out the door and out of his life, but he burns it to the ground, all guns a-blazing. Milkovich-style, no matter what Terry will think of him after this. Ian is worth it to him.  

The use of 'kingdom' is an important lexical connotation here also as it could also refer to the kingdom of God aka Heaven in the Christian and Catholic religions, meaning that when individuals choose to come out they are abandoning his Kingdom to live freely and comfortably in their sexuality. Of course, I do not believe that homosexuality or queerness in any of its forms is a sin, I only add this as a footnote to further highlight the undertones of the song and add cultural meaning. 

All my riches for her smiles 

Whilst echoing the sentiment of the previous line about sacrifice for love, I’d like to touch an alternative perspective, being that the subject of the song represents Mickey’s wife Svetlana and his father Terry, as opposed to Ian. Over the duration of season four, Mickey grapples with gaining a wife and child, neither of which he consented to and having to develop a family life under these circumstances where at every turn he is denied his freedom and selfhood. In this case, his personal wellbeing (his ‘riches) are sacrificed to play house with Svetlana and keep his father happy. Based on the events of 3x06, the viewers are aware of Terry’s extreme, violent disdain for Mickey’s homosexuality and fear the possibility pf this cropping up again as much as Mickey and Ian themselves. Thus, from a storyline point of view, at the emotional climax of the pair’s storyline this season, it only makes sense that this elephant in the room finally blows its trunk. Besides Ian's ultimatum which leads to Mickey's coming out at one of many emotional cruxes of the episode, his unwillingness to continue living a manufactured life was undoubtedly a factor also. 

It's never over 

This scene is one of many in which the pair spend their screen-time blood-soaked. As previously mentioned, it was with almost sheer certainty that Mickey understood the physical ramifications that his announcement would have. Any booze filled Milkovich event is bound to have a tousle or two, so add a freshly freed Terry and an announcement of his very own son being gay? Bound to be a bloodbath. While the final iteration of "it's never over" remains the same lyrically, Buckley belts the line out. Metaphorically, Mickey does the same. By antagonizing his father while bent over a police car, (read: "Guess what we been doin', daddy? We've been fuckin'!) he acknowledges that yes, his father will always be a terrible man who will never accept him. Concomitantly, he comes to the realization that his phase of hiding is over, which gives him the gusto he needs to be so bold in the face of Terry after all this violence. 

All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter 

When Mickey makes Ian laugh, his eyes light up in a way that is not often seen in the show. For once, it seems, part of his shell has broken, and he is freer than we have seen him thus far in the show. To be able to sit there in such sorry circumstances and accept the physical affection he would usually meet with sharp rejection must certainly dull his pain and help him come to terms with the ways in which his life has been permanently altered.  

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@gallavichmeta I really hope you see this and have a read! I worked hard on writing this and stringing my ideas on the parallels between the song and the scene together :,)) Just a bit of fun to think about how seemingly seperate things can actually have common themes!

And a thank you to @iansw0rld for giving this a read-over and giving me a lil confidence boost too :) <3

Yes, Mickey would die for Ian. But here, he says: I will live for you.

#gallavich meta #shameless #jeff buckley #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #coming out #queer theory #lyrical analysis #scene analysis

[comradekatara]

I listened to Billie eilish’s new song “what was I made for?” recently, and it reminded me a lot of your interpretation of Sokka. Especially the lyric “looked so alive, turns out I’m not real, just something you paid for”

The song also repeats “I don’t know how to feel” a lot, which reminds me a lot of sokka repressing his emotions.

Also even the main question of the song “what was I made for?” is very Sokka to me. Like it’s basically Sokka not feeling like a whole, real person outside of his perceived purpose of being Katara’s protector and coming to the realization throughout the series that she doesn’t need him to physically protect her and therefore causing him to question his purpose.

Anyways, this was king of pointless but just thought I’d share

wait this is so true. yet another point for the “sokka is barbie” camp! tfw u are exploited & repressed by gender roles, expected to perform a certain role so completely that u are dehumanized & depersonalized in the process to the point that u cannot conceive of ur own selfhood beyond the service u provide to others: teen pop stars 🤝 toys representing hyperfemininity as a consumer product 🤝 sokkas

#also she sounds sooo much like phoebe bridgers here if I didn’t know better I would say this was a strangers in the alps bonus track 😭 #asks #ganseyssilentvoice #sokka #synthesis #atlamusic