#sorry - i had a panic attack and usually my brain just shuts down
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Well here’s that Funnybunny sequel I was talking about. It came out kind of weird but I’m glad I did it. It’s a sequel to my last one about about salmon, in which Pomni has an anxiety attack and she and Jax beat each other up. It’s a comedy.
You Look Funny
*it’s been about an hour since Pomni had dinner. She’s tried settling down for bed, but like most other nights, she can’t sleep. She… kissed Jax. Jax. Probably the absolute worst person she could have kissed! Why… Why did she do it…*
*He… had been nice to her, sure. But did that account for all the times he had been horrible to her? Not just her, everyone… Ragatha, Zooble, Gangle… especially poor Gangle. What made her do it…?! Did he WANT her to do it..? He had seemed just as surprised as her when she did it, so-“
Pomni: Mnnnnngh…
*Pomni feels the anxiety in her belly tighten like a spring. Same as always… the what-ifs of the situation made everything worse. She won’t be able to sleep at all tonight without actually talking to Jax. As much as she doesn’t want to give the smug jerk the satisfaction of knowing she was currently thinking about him… something in the back of her mind tells her that he might be feeling the exact same way at the moment. He was a little younger than her after all, but not much…*
*No. She shouldn’t lay here and worry. If she’s gonna be stuck here, she’s gonna make herself as comfortable as possible. And if that means talking to Jax… so be it.*
*Pomni hops out of bed and gently opens the door to the hallway. Jax’s room is right across from hers. She takes a deep breath and walks over to his door. She’s near instantly hyper-aware of how disgustingly short she is as she has to reach her hand up to the doorknob. There’s a dull roar of panic in her belly and she takes her hand away. She vaguely remembers a breathing mantra to counter anxiety and tries it out. Deep in… deep out…. Deep in-
**WHAM**
*Jax opens his door and nails Pomni square in the teeth, the jester yelping and covering her face in some pain but mostly embarrassment*
Jax: Pomni. You… uh… okay? Usually you want to stand a little bit back from a door, in case somebody, you know, opens it.
Pomni: I know that you moron! I was… ugh, my f#%!@g face…
Jax: I’d apologize, but it was sorta your fault. What are you doing out here, anyway?
Pomni: Why do you think I’m here..? Let me in for a second.
*Pomni attempts to move past Jax, but he holds out a hand to stop her, putting it on her forehead*
Jax: Woah woah wooooah, Pompom! Who said you could come inside without my say so?
Pomni: I did. Move.
Jax: Yeah I don’t think-HURF!
*Pomni lands a pretty nasty elbow right on Jax’s diaphragm, knocking out all the breath he had ready for whatever snark he was about to deliver. Pomni marches inside his room and tugs in the wheezing rabbit after her, slamming the door shut behind her*
Pomni: I wouldn’t have had to do that if you had just let me inside!
Jax: *cough* Ohfffff… man that hurt…
Pomni: We’ll call it even after you brained me with the door. Now listen-
Jax: That was an accident, Pompom…!
*Pomni grabs him by the straps of his overalls and yanks him down to her level*
Pomni: You listen to me you smug creep! I am having the worst anxiety attack of my LIFE right now because I kissed your stupid @$$! I don’t know if I should scream or puke or both, but I don’t know what the $&@# I’m feeling for you right now and it’s making me feel like the world is collapsing around me! Now are you gonna stand there and make lame-brain excuses OR ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS?!
*Pomni lets him go and takes deep, exaggerated breaths to calm herself down. Jax brushes off his overalls and puts his hands on his hips*
Jax: You know… I think I would have been fine with just the thank you and kiss.
Pomni: I’m sorry… I just… I don’t know why.
Jax: You don’t know why… what?
Pomni: Why I… *glp* why I kissed you.
Jax: *smirks* Could be my rakish charm. Or the fact that I went outta my way to learn and get you your favorite food. And you elbow me in the gut and yell at me. See if I ever do something nice for you again.
Pomni: I said I was sor- *pause. Pomni glares* You’re smiling. You’re… you’re not taking any of this seriously, are you?!
Jax: What do you want me to do? You kissed me. Big deal.
Pomni: It is a big deal.
Jax: It’s really not. We do reckless stuff around here, Pompom. It’s how we cope.
Pomni: Don’t call me Pompom. And this wasn’t reckless…
*Pomni looks at Jax. He raises an eyebrow.*
Pomni: Okay it was. But… URGH I JUST DON’T KNOW! Look at us! We’re… cartoons! Dumb little cartoons! I’m not supposed… to LIKE people! I’m supposed to- to hit people with mallets! Or maybe I AM supposed to like people, but I’m stuck in this stupid body! I’m a- a- a-
Jax: Jester.
Pomni: YEAH! If I tried to actually DATE someone I’d just look funny! Actually, no matter what I do I look funny! *beat* WHY ARE YOU SMILING?!
Jax: You look funny.
*Pomni balls her fists and prepares to yell again… but it doesn’t happen. Her face scrunches up and she crumples to the floor, covering her face. Her shoulders hitch and her breathing becomes shallow*
Jax: *the smile slips off his face and he sits on his bed. Crying helped. She’ll feel better after getting all the poison out. But… he feels a sharp sting in his gut. Oh… no… no no no NO, he did NOT feel guilty!*
Pomni: *between sobs* I’m sorry… I just… I-
Jax: N-No it’s…
*Internally, Jax screams at himself. What the hell was going on?! He didn’t feel a thing when he pushed around Gangle or Ragatha. Sure, he might make it up to them at SOME point, NOT put a bug in their room… But he didn’t want Pomni to cry.*
Pomni: I’m so… I’m so pathetic… I’m just… look at me… I’m a clown! *She laughs joylessly and throws her hands out* I’m just a sad little clown!
*Jax stands up and offers his hand.*
Jax: Get up.
Pomni: *wipes her eyes and her lack of a nose* I know you’ve got a joy buzzer on or something.
Jax: I don’t. *shows his palm. It’s empty* Get up off the floor. There’s a bed to sit on if you’re gonna cry.
Pomni: I… I… ……… #%&& it. *she takes his hand, and Jax pulls her to her feet*
Jax: You feel any better?
Pomni: No.
Jax: Sounds about right. …Listen, I didn’t mean to say you looked silly. Well… I kinda did. But… *sigh* C’mere. *he sits on his bed and pats beside him*
Pomni: …
Jax: *rolls his eyes and pulls up the blanket* There’s so Whoopee Cushion this time, okay?
Pomni: I uh… I’m okay here.
Jax: Baloney. It’s the end of the day and I bet your feet hurt. I don’t bite. C’mon.
*Pomni takes a deep breath and shuffles over to his bed, taking a seat*
Jax: I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.
Pomni: I don’t know why that did it… it just did. I look so stupid.
Jax: You’re talking to a big purple bunny rabbit. Least you’re not Zooble.
*He smiles, but it fades quickly*
Jax: *sigh* Look. I know you don’t remember squat about your old life. Or how you used to look like. But what if it sucked? What if you were alone, or in a relationship that wasn’t working out? Or at some dead-end job with a horrible boss that didn’t care about you? Havin’ to get up everyday to face that isn’t all that different from what goes on around here. We just have brighter colors here.
Pomni: Mnn…
Jax: Look, newbie. I don’t really know how I feel about you either, okay? You seem… fine, I guess. If you want to kiss now and then… sure. I can do that.
Pomni: Don’t kiss me because you feel bad for me.
Jax: Why not? You gonna stop me?
Pomni: Yeah- Yeah I wi-
*Jax smooches her on the lips*
Jax: Looks like you didn’t this time.
Pomni: I- *her face steadily turns fiery red* Jax-!
Jax: *nods to the door* Get outta my room, Pompom. Get some sleep.
Pomni: But you can’t just-!
Jax: Sure I can. *he lays down on his bed, putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes* I’ll see you in the morning, Pompom.
*Pomni stares at him for a minute before getting up and shuffling towards the door*
Jax: Hey, Pomni?
*Pomni turns to look at him.*
Jax: When I kissed you? *Jax gives her finger guns without getting out of bed* You looked pretty funny.
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Febuwhump: Day Twenty
Truth serum— @febuwhump prompts
Is it Whump? If you squint, your honour.
TW: needles, fear of needles, needle phobia, being injected against will, restraints, kidnapping, grogginess, fainting, consent issues,
*~*~*~*~*
Journalist didn’t wake to their alarm or their phone ringing, both of which were the only things to rouse them from sleep. They groaned as they woke which, to be fair, was a usual thing because it meant they had to get up and work or meet a deadline or something equally groan worthy.
What was not usual was waking up strapped to a metal table. That was a new one, even for journalist.
I bet i am restrained, they thought, then tugged their arms for good measure. Oh, yep. Definitely restrained.
Cliché.
Which meant—
“You’re awake,” said Villain, a smile in their voice. Journalist craned their neck awkwardly trying to see Villain but groaned with the effort and the weight of their head like it was filled with lead. “Oh, yeah, no. Don’t move.”
“Got it,” Journalist groaned as their brain rattled in their head, making the room spin. “Uh, why am I here?”
“We need to have a little chat.”
“We had a little chat like — two days ago,” said Journalist with a groan. “It was far more civil and less dizzying.”
Villain finally came within view of Journalist and they had three heads. That was very different than last time they saw Villain, but alas, who was Journalist to judge.
“It’s actually about something we talked about,” said the Villains. Then they smiled coyly. “And Darling, get your facts right, we spoke three days ago.”
“Fuck,” Journalist whined and pulled at their restraints that clicked taut. “My boss is gonna be pissed—“”
“It’s fine,” said Villains with a shrug, now there was only two of them, the third having left the conversation. “Just tell them you were kidnapped.”
“Oh no, I mean pissed with you,” said Journalist. “You can so goodbye to any more favourable articles.”
Villain snorted then disappeared from view again.
“They will!” Journalist told them earnestly. Villain then reappeared beside Journalist’s left arm. Only one of them now thankfully, and a giant fucking needle.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Journalist shrieked, kicking their feet against the table trying to get away from whatever the fuck Villain was about to do. The sound of the restraints clacking against the table didn’t do anything to ease their panic. “Wait! Wait! Wait! Villain please, I’m— oh god, I’m terrified of— I can’t—”
Villain’s eyebrows furrowed as Journalist descended into a panic attack. They quickly lowered the needle out of sight but Journalist’s eyes were already rolling to the back of their head and their body went limp.
Villain stared, stunned. Then brought the needle up again and while Journalist was passed out injected them with the contents, thumbing down the plunger. Villain set the needle down on a table faraway from Journalist and sighed.
They should have known Journalist had a phobia of needles. Idiot, but… it had to be done. Villain had to know once and for all.
They walked back over to Journalist and lightly tapped their cheeks to wake them. Journalist moaned in protest, but then blinked up with bleary eyes at Villain.
“Relax,” said Villain softly when Journalist’s eyes widened again. “It’s gone. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Shit, I’m sorry for fainting on you,” said Journalist with a breath, relaxing back against the table. Villain chuckled lightly at Journalist.
“You’re such a polite hostage,” said Villain and basked as a red blush climbed its way up Journalist’s neck and spread to their cheeks. “You’re blushing!”
“Shut up,” Journalist said with a huff, with no real malice behind the words. Villain hummed and stepped closer, brushing the stray hairs from Journalist’s forehead. They loved the way Journalist’s eyes shuttered at the movement. When Supervillain said the truth serum made people putty in your hands, Villain wasn’t expecting this.
Villain ran their hand lightly through Journalist’s hair as they began their gentle interrogation.
“Journalist?” Villain asked. Journalist hummed in response. Villain smiled. “I need to ask you a question, and I need you to be 100% honest with me.”
Journalist hummed again. “Okay Villain.”
Villain licked their lips, suddenly nervous. Here it was. This was it. Journalist was right here in front of them, injected with truth serum ready to spill their secrets and Villain was hesitating?!
“Are you…” Villain began then cleared their throat. “Are you Hero?”
Journalist smiled dreamily. “No.”
Villain paled. “No?”
“No,” Journalist said again. Villain’s hands froze in Journalist’s hair. Journalist let out a small keen in the back of their throat, whining at Villain’s pause. Villain resumed more out of shock than anything.
“You’re not Hero?” Villain asked again. They were almost certain…
“No, I’m Journalist.”
Villain blinked. Okay, they weren’t expecting this. Hero wasn’t Journalist? Then—
“But our conversation, you said your source was 100% about Hero?”
“Yes,” said Journalist with a smile. “It was.”
“Your most trusted source?”
“Yes.”
Villain frowned, something like jealousy settling in their throat. “Is Hero… your lover?”
Journalist giggled, actually giggled at Villain’s question. “No.”
“Then who is your most trusted source?” Villain demanded.
“Me,” said Journalist. “The best person to validate facts is yourself, Villain. So I had it on good authority that my information was correct.”
Villain frowned. “But how did you—”
“I’m the Hero/Villain liaison for the city news, Villain, I don’t just have late night rendezvous with you.”
Villain deflated. They really didn’t expect this conversation to go like this, but this— they thought, they were a fool. They should have never done this, curiosity killed—
“But you are my favourite.”
Villain’s heart leapt in their chest. “I am?” Villain asked, their voice coming out in a whisper.
“Yes,” said Journalist. “You’re always kind with me. Hero’s too serious and annoying.”
Villain snorted again. “They are. So… you’re really not Hero?”
Journalist giggled. “Villain, don’t be so cliché. I’m not Clark Kent.”
Villain smiled softly at Journalist. “Though, I don’t like the way you kidnapped me. My boss is gonna be so mad at you.”
“I know, Journalist.”
“And stabbing me with a needle? Not a great look for you, you can’t just do that without consent.”
Villain laughed. “I didn’t even need to give you truth serum did I? You say whatever is on your mind anyways.”
“No time to think up lies, Villain. I’m a busy person.”
“You are,” said Villain.
#febuwhump#febuwhump20#febuwhump2024#febuwhump day 20#febuwhump day twenty#needles#tw needles#tw fear of needles#fainting#truth serum#cw needles#Cw kidnapping#tw kidnapping#tw: needles#kidnapping#villain whumper#civilian whumpee#villain x civillian#villain x civilian#Whump writing#Whump#whumpblr
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It’s okay
Word count:1.5k
Pairing: Amelia x fem!reader
Warnings: panic attack, mention of death/patient loss, tiny angst ig? mostly a comfort fic
!!NOT PROOFREAD!!
Reader is an OB-GYN at Grey Sloan
Request: @wh0reformeredithgrey on wattpad
more comfort/sickfics? maybe I really enjoy them or like y/n is having a panic attack or is upset and someone comforts them.
Hope you like it!!
Reader POV:
"Charge again!" I yelled to the scrub nurses around me. They all just stared and did nothing. "Goddammit, did you not hear me? Charge the paddles!" I exclaimed tears pricking at my eyes and panic lacing my breaking voice.
"Doctor, we've been trying to get her back for 25 minutes now, she's gone. You have to call it." Bokhee said to me.
"But-" I tried protested but was cut off.
"She's gone, I'm sorry."
"She's only 16, her and her baby are gone, what am I supposed to tell her parents?" I rambled
"Doctor, you need to call it." Bokhee repeated
"Time of death, 19:37." At that I ripped of my mask, gloves and gown and headed to tell the parents.
As soon as I walked in the room they stood up with hopeful faces. As soon as they saw my state the mother started to cling to her husband and sob.
"I'm so sorry, there was a complication during surgery. Her heart stopped and the cause was her preeclampsia causing a blood clot stopping the blood flow to her heart and it was too quick to prevent. I'm so sorry for your loss." Then he started yelling. All of it was a blur from then in.
"YOU SAID IT WAS A SIMOLE SURGERY!" and so on. He just kept going. The mother still sobbing. Then all of a sudden I saw a blur of beige and then a stinging sensation on my cheek as my face was pushed to the side.
People had seen the commotion and the saw her dad slap me and stepped in. "SIR, STOP RIGHT NOW." Bailey said, escorting the man out. Jo tried to come comfort me but I just stormed off. I needed to be alone. I needed to cry.
Amelia POV:
Today has been really great, I had 2 back to back craniotomy's and both of them went really well; I got paged to the pit and got to poke around in people brain all day and didn't loose one patient. It was amazing.
I'm walking down the hallway to go find my girlfriend so I can gush about all my surgeries to her, but she seems to be nowhere. I've looked in all of her usual spots, looked in OR's, patient rooms I've asked her best friend, Jo, if she knows where she is an she didn't, she just said she ran off after what happened; but I don't know what happened. Is she okay?
I was about to give up and just page her when I see her storming down a corridor and walk into a storage cupboard and close the door. Instantly I knew something was wrong. Storage cupboards are for crying, or getting away from annoying patients. No in between. Y/N is the most tolerant person I know so, I knew it wasn't good.
Trying to walk as fast as I could but not draw attention to myself was hard but I managed. It seemed like forever before I reached the door. I didn't bother knocking because she'd just tell me to go away. When I walked in the was curled up, knees to her chest and head in her hands, crying. No scratch that, sobbing. Whatever happened had to have really hit her hard.
Reader POV:
I lost them. Both of them. Mum and baby. She was 16! She didn't deserve to die, and neither did her kid. It's my fault. All my fault.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the door swing open and shut and I instantly knew who it was.
"Oh sweetheart. It's okay." Was the only thing she said before she got down on the floor next to me and pulled me into her comforting embrace.
Even though having Amelia here was making it a little better I started to spiral again. My breath started to get thready and I already knew what was coming. My hands started shaking while my heart thumped faster and faster against my chest. I felt like I was going to explode. My chest was getting tight and I started hyperventilating, it felt like I was being suffocated. I started clawing at my arms just trying to feel something other than this emotional pain and feeling that I didn't do enough. Amelia clearly noticed my state and went into action.
"Look at me." She said as she pulled away from the hug and grabbed my hands to discontinue my previous actions.
"Breathe, okay? Long deep breathes. C'mon do it with me. In, hold, and out."
It helped a bit but not much I was still unable to catch my breath.
"Hey tell me about that cat that you wanted?"
"What?" I said back through choked tears and ragged breathes.
"Tell me. Everything I wanna hear it."
"Uhm okay. She's a siamese cat, and she's the fluffiest of her litter. She's got heterochromia, one eye blue and one green, and when she sees me when I go to the adoption place she runs up and headbutts my leg." I giggle at that last part and realise it helped calm me down. I'm still crying but I can breathe now and my chest isn't tight.
I didn't even realise that Amelia had moved my legs so I was cross legged and facing her while she rubbed her hands lovingly up and down my thighs. She was just staring into my eyes with nothing but love and concern.
"Great job baby, you're doing so well, you wanna talk about it, Ii might help?" I nodded and stated talking her through it.
"A teen mum came in, she was 8 months pregnant and 16. She was having pains in her abdomen, it was just a small very minor ovarian cyst that could be removed with a simple procedure that wouldn't affect her or the baby. But, for some reason they failed to mention that she had preeclampsia which I figured out mid surgery so that made me become really concerned because of how long she'd been under and decided that I didn't have time to search to see if the other ovary was clear, I just had to close. Just as I was about to her BP plummeted and she went into full arrest, first I opened her up and saw the clot, I removed it and used internal panels and she came back but it just kept clotting over and over. I shocked her for 25 minutes and they were both gone. The baby died instantaneously when her heart stopped the first time. It was my fault. All my fault. I should've seen the elevated BP indicating preeclampsia in her labs but I didn't, it was so subtle I-" I rambled on when Amelia cut me off.
"No. Okay? No. It was not your fault, they should've told you she had preeclampsia. That's something that greatly impacts how much surgery you can do and how much the mum can take. It wasn't your fault that she clotted either. No one could've prevented that."
"Yeah but I put her body under stress which cause her to clot."
"How do you know that? Do you know that as a fact? Tell me right here right now that you are confident and 100% sure it was because of the stress of the surgery." I stayed silent, the truth is, I didn't know what caused the clot I just instantly blamed myself. Amelia then started talking again.
"Exactly, you need to not be so hard on yourself y/n/n, it's not good for you." I stayed quite and just climbed into her arms and cried.
"He hit me." I said out of the blue after a few minutes of just being in each others presence.
"He what? Who? Where? Are you hurt?" Amelia said becoming protective over me immediately.
"The girls dad, he was yelling really loud and saying horrible things about me, that I probably deserved, and he hit me." I pointed to my red cheek. Not that you could really see in the dim light of the cupboard.
"I'll kill him." She said coldly.
"No Ames, I'm okay I swear. It was just too much, and thank you for helping me through the uh- you know.." I trailed off at the end embarrassed that I had a full on panic attack in front of my girlfriend.
"Y/n/n you don't need to be embarrassed it's completely okay and a natural response. And touching on what you said earlier that you deserved to be slapped, you didn't. It wasn't your fault, okay?"
"Okay." I said back to her as she stood up and helped me off the floor.
As soo as I stood up I was engulfed in her arms.
"I love you so much Amelia." I said
"I love you more y/n."
#amelia shepard x reader#amelia shepard#amelia shepherd#amelia shepherd x reader#wlw#greys anatomy fanfiction#greys anatomy#lesbian pride#wlw fanfic#lesbian#sapphic#wlw pride
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you know, i’d love to see vincent have a panic attack. or or or, clary having one because of vincent and then taking it out on him afterward 👀
OH ANON. ANON. YOU'VE ACTIVATED SOMETHING IN MY BRAIN. THIS IS PERFECT FOR A PIECE I HAD IN MIND. but here's vincent having one in the meantime <3
taglist: @whumpsday @whumpycries @whumpwillow @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question @whumpshaped @suspicious-whumping-egg @chibichibivale @melancholy-in-the-morning @zillastar13 @bloodinkandashes @whump-me-all-night-long
content: panic attacks, vague allusions to vincent's torture trauma
It's the door slamming shut that does it.
He doesn't know why. It's the same sound he hears every day, because Cai isn't a very careful person, and Vincent's gotten used to that. But it makes him jump, and he presses against the bedpost, trying not to leave his back exposed.
Cai doesn't seem to notice. He shoves the bag at Vincent as always, and Vincent gratefully accepts, hoping that the distraction of being fed will calm him.
It doesn't. Vincent's hands shake. That Cai notices, and he raises his eyebrows.
"What?" Cai rasps. His speech is worse than usual today.
"M'fine," Vincent mumbles, just trying to focus on the sensation of swallowing blood. "Thank you."
"Yeah, whatever."
Vincent is still shaking when he drops the bag, and he takes a shallow breath despite the instinct to do so long having faded. Cai pauses. Hesitates, even.
"Seriously, what is it?" he asks.
"I- I don't know," Vincent squeaks.
Cai's eyes widen in something like recognition. "Oh, God. Okay."
Cai actually settles down, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of Vincent, and sighs before he speaks again.
"You're having a panic attack," he says flatly.
"A w-what?" Vincent can't understand why his voice sounds like this, why it's so strangled and scared.
"Sometimes it has a cause, sometimes it doesn't, but basically you're gonna feel terrified for a while, and then it'll fade," Cai explains, wheezing between pauses. "Fuck. Sorry. Look, just sit tight. It'll end. Clary has them all the time."
Vincent tries to speak again, but all that comes out is a whimper. He can't even make the shapes with his mouth to speak. He isn't sure he remembers how right now.
How can he forget something like that? His eyes are filling with uncontrollable tears.
"Don't try to speak," Cai says. "Don't try to do anything that isn't soothing."
Soothing, what could possibly be soothing? He feels like he's going to die. His throat tightens.
"H-Hnn…" Vincent watches Cai, watches him stay entirely still. "P-Please…"
He can still beg. He's not sure he can beg for what he actually wants, but he can say please and that's all he needs right now.
"Please what?" Cai frowns.
"Please," Vincent says again, and holds out his hand, curling and uncurling it. "P-Please…"
Cai stares at him for a moment. Vincent's lucky it's Cai, because Clary would've lurched away and he can't handle the thought of that right now. He can't handle any thoughts. He can't think at all.
"I don't…" Cai closes his eyes and sighs when he realises what Vincent is trying to ask for. "Jesus. Just this once."
Cai grips Vincent's hand. He tries to mumble a thank you, but Cai just shushes him. Cai isn't fazed in the slightest. Annoyed, perhaps, but he just leans his chin on his free hand and lets Vincent dig his nails in.
Vincent restrains himself. "C-Could break--"
"If you could break my bones right now I'd be shocked," Cai deadpans. "Squeeze as hard as you like."
It's all the permission Vincent needs. Cai won't say it isn't uncomfortable, but it's certainly not painful, and the vampire doesn't appear to be holding back. Aren't they supposed to be stronger than this? What a joke.
Cai waits, silent and patient, for Vincent to stop rocking back and forth and to awkwardly let go of his hand.
"I'm sorry," are Vincent's first words.
Cai rolls his eyes. "For what? You couldn't control it. I could've left you here."
"I- I know!" Vincent hasn't completely come down from the emotional spike, and he twitches anxiously. "Thank you for s-staying with me, I know you didn't have to and- and I really appreciate it. S-Sir."
Cai blinks. "Sir? Seriously?"
Vincent slaps his hands over the muzzle. "S-Sorry, I… when I… some of them made me call them that, a-and… I d-didn't intend to say that at all."
"No, I get it," Cai shrugs. "You just defaulted 'cause you're still scared and you don't want me to hurt you about it."
"I…" Vincent furrows his eyebrows. "Perhaps? How do you know?"
Cai gestures unhelpfully. "I'm good at explaining why people do stuff. I do it for Clary all the time. It makes it easier to calm down."
"Mm." Vincent doesn't think he can really ask, but he wants Cai to hold his hand again. It's the only physical comfort he's gotten in… years.
It's been years.
"All good?" Cai asks.
"Y-Yes," Vincent nods. He'll get up and pace once Cai leaves. "Thank you again."
"Cool."
"I-- wait." Vincent doesn't look at Cai directly as Cai stops and turns to listen. "Why did you stay? You… I know you hate me."
"Yeah." Cai shrugs again. "I hate your guts."
Cai shuts the door behind him without slamming it, this time, leaving Vincent at an absolute loss.
#polly's prose#asks#vincent maddox#cai nikitin#good caretaking for once??#edit: me when i forget the taglist exists afsfsfsd#things end | people change
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{~He isn't a good person~}
Noel angst because projecting is good. I think.*
TW: PANIC ATTACK
The choir was all in the music room trying to choreograph the next routine for the Saskatchewan choir competition. As usual, Ocean was taking charge.
"It should be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8." She said, demonstrating her ideas. "That's just how it works."
Mischa was stood in the corner on his phone, Ricky was sat in a chair, Constance was stood in front of Ocean, also arguing, and Penny was doodling in a notebook.
Noel was leaning against the wall, watching all of this go down. It was super annoying, but kinda funny to go down.
"Ocean I'm going to leave if don't just shut up and listen!"
Constance had snapped, clearly Ocean was getting on her last nerve.
The room went silent. All eyes on Constance. Except Noels. Memories started to fly back into his brain.
"NATALIE I'M GOING TO LEAVE IF YOU DON'T JUST FUCKING LISTEN-"
"JASON PLEASE THE KID-"
"THAT. THAT IS NO KID OF MINE."
"Noel? Noel you okay?"
Mischa's voice brought him back to reality. Noel was hyperventilating and shaking. "Noel? Buddy please breathe."
Noels arms and legs started to shake. "I-I c-can't"
"It's okay, your fine." Ocean said, slowly walking towards him.
He fell to his knees, his legs unable to hold him up longer.
Constance walked towards him and put her hand on his shoulder, only for him to slap her hand away. "Don't t-touch me." He cried.
Mischa pulled out his phone. "Are you really on your phone while he's having a panic attack?" Ricky signed.
"No, I'm going wikihow. They'll know what to do." Mischa replied as he typed into his phone.
"Okay, Noel? Buddy, I need you to focus on your breathing okay." He said as he slowly grabbed his hand. Noel's breathing came fast and in between large tears.
Penny had her hands on his shoulders, almost trying to massaging his shoulders. Trying to calm him down.
As Noel's breathing calmed, the group tried not to bombard him with questions but they did end up coming out.
"Noel, what happened?" Ocean asked.
"It was something Constance said. "It...it was the last thing he said to me and my mother before he left." Noel said. He looked super embarrassed by saying this.
"Oh Noel, I'm so sorry." Constance said as she hugged him tightly. Noel looked some what shocked but eventually hugged her back. The rest of the choir eventually joined this hug.
These were the people who cared for Noel and he was beyond thankful.
Thanks for reading! :)))
#ride the cyclone#noel gruber#mischa bachinski#ricky potts#constance blackwood#ocean o'connell rosenberg#penny lamb#fanfic#panic attack
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nursing.
⑅ pairing: daichi sawamura x f! reader [fluff]
⑅ synopsis: at school, daichi notices that you looks paler than usual. but, you keeps insisting that you're fine until it's too late.
⑅ cw: mentions of unhealthy dieting
"ack-!" you wince, a sudden pain striking through your head as you harshy pressed onto your temples.
your head had been pulsing ever since you woke up as if someone was beating up your brain and it had been like this every morning since last week.
as your vision blurred, you didn't notice your left foot tripping over your right as your body suddenly was headed towards the concrete ground.
"hng!" you shut your eyes, bracing yourself for the impact- but it never came.
opening up your lids, your e/c eyes met the concerned, brown orbs of your boyfriend- daichi- as his strong arms wrapped around your falling figure.
his eyebrows furrowed, "hey babe, are you ok?"
"y-yeah, thanks dai." you flushed at the close contact, "it's just another headache."
daichi helped you back onto your feet, steadying you as he lovingly held onto your trembling hands- something which he noticed.
"are you cold?" he asked, "i can give you my scarf?"
you shook your head, "this has been happening ever since my diet, don't worry!"
you may have sent him a bright smile, but daichi could see how exhausted and pale you were behind that grinning facade.
ever since that girl (what was her name, lisa?) had made a joke about you needing "to lose weight," daichi had noticed you had stopped eating lunch at school and started skipping breakfast.
at first, he thought it was just a one-off thing. but as the days passed, he noticed you getting more and more fatigued as a barrage of headaches attacked you multiple times a day.
daichi understood that you were free to make your own choices, but this just couldn't go on for any longer. i'll talk to her about it at lunch today.
as you two walked up to the school entrance, daichi held onto your hand the entire time until you two had to separate as your shoe lockers and classes were far from one another.
"i'll see you in calc, dai." you said, giving him a peck on the cheek, "love you!"
he smiled sweetly, returning the gesture on your cheek, "you too, babe."
you two then walked away to your respective areas, oblivious of the events that were yet to come in just a few hours.
your head was planted onto the table, eyes closed shut as you felt another migrane come upon you. although the classroom chatter was relatively quiet, it was like your senses were dialed up and each sound caused your head to ache once again.
it was already time for calc, but the pain in your head still hadn't stopped. in fact, it had amplified even more ever since you and daichi separated.
your friend- yui- glanced around frantically, searching for daichi. he had always been better at caring for you and she knew the last thing you needed was her nervously talking your ear off.
as you massaged your temples, daichi walked into the room- yui signalling to him in a panic. when he noticed her gestures, he looked towards you and his cheerful expression instantly turned into one of worry.
leaving his group of friends, daichi rushed over to your desk and patted your shoulder, "babe? you alright? what's wrong?"
you frowned, "..head.. hurts.. s'lot.."
"shit, sorry. i was loud, wasn't i?"
"mmh.. but, issok.."
daichi leaned over and whispered to yui, "how long has she been like this?"
"ever since last class, it hasn't stopped-"
suddenly, the teacher walked into the room, ordering the students to sit down. sadly, daichi couldn't do anything but rub your back before leaving, your quiet groans hurting his heart even more.
you, on the other hand, couldn't even pay attention to what your teacher was saying- the agony in your head had blocked out most of the sounds around you, merging them into one.
"../n? l/n? l/n!" your head jerked up from your desk, tired eyes staring at your teacher who was pointing at the board. "can you come up to answer this question?"
"..oh.. yes, of course.." you mumbled, using a hand on your table as support while you pushed yourself onto your feet.
every step you took to the whiteboard felt heavy, your breaths getting laboured the more you walked. suddenly, the world around you began to spin and before you knew it-
bang!
-your head had made contact with the hard, wooden floor.
"y/n!!" your classmates screamed, rushing over in loud footsteps as people began to panic.
as the world around you began to turn to black, the last things you remember was the familiar face of your lover leaning over you in worry and the feeling of his arms princess carrying you out of the room.
"mmh..?" you groaned, the sunlight shining into your face as you slowly began to sit up to see where you were- only to stop when you felt the presence of someone else on the bed.
as you tilted your head to see, you were met with the face of daichi sleeping peacefully on the side of your bed- his hand firmly intertwined with yours.
daichi had always been there for you, even in a dumb moment like this, and knowing that made your heart flutter.
stirring awake, daichi slowly got up before his eyes widened after realising you were awake. throwing his arms around you, your boyfriend enveloped you in a tight hug.
"y/n!" he said joyfully, "thank god you're awake!"
he then jumped off of you and hurried around, grabbing some medicine and water, "here, take this."
"thanks, honey." you murmured softly, placing the pill on your tongue and swallowing a gulp of water. "what happened?"
"malnutrition," daichi responded as you tensed up slightly, "you haven't been eating well lately."
you couldn't say anything, both of you knowing you were guilty as you bit on your lip. daichi looked at you with a caring yet understanding expression, rubbing his thumb over your hand.
"you're beautiful, babe." he said earnestly, "so just be yourself and put your health first from now on, ok?"
the butterflies in your stomach exploded, your reasons for your heavy dieting disappearing as you slowly nodded. and this is why i love this fucking man.
after your confirmation, daichi instantly broke out into a beaming grin before pulling out a piece of [fav] bread. "here, take a bite."
with a smile, you took it out of his hand and began eating as he tucked himself into the bed next to you while lying down on the mattress.
"is it ok for you to stay here with me?"
"i'm not supposed to, the teacher only let me come here to give you some pills."
daichi turned his head to look at you, "i won't go though."
you stared back into his eyes, "i know."
and there you two sat for the rest of the school day, basking in the warm glow of the sun while chatting the time away.
and in that moment, you were sure that this was what love felt like.
all likes, comments, reblogs n reposts are vv much appreciated!! ♥
© luvvries — do not plagarize, translate, repost, or steal any of my works!
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Twenty-two.
"...I KNOW, BUT... wait a second. She's stirring."
The first thing I heard when I awoke was the shrill piercing ringing sound in my right ear. Dazed and disoriented, I tried to sit up in bed, only to be pushed back down by a familiar, warm hand.
"What do you think you're doing? Lie back down."
"What happened? How did I get here?"
I had no recollection of how I'd ended up in my room, in my bed. I knew that had been my full intention when I'd come "home," but I also remembered the sensation of falling.
"You fainted at the doorstep. Don't you remember? You were losing some blood and severely dehydrated; it was only natural that would happen."
"Are you a doctor or something, then?"
He chuckled. "No, but my mother was." As my brain tried to process this new bit of information, he snapped his phone shut. Who still used an old flip phone in this day and age? "Shall I take your temperature one more time?"
"No, thanks. I feel fine." No need to give this guy an excuse to touch me, when that was the least of my worries. As my memory came back to me slowly--the horridness of the evening drama with my so-called "family"--I shook my head, as if trying to deny it happened. Refusing to dwell on what could very well be the cause of an upcoming panic attack, I changed the subject. "What time is it?"
"3 AM." Heath cocked his head to the side slightly, his eyes darting back and forth every time my body made a movement.
"I'm sorry, you should be sleeping, not having to take care of me like this. I'll be fine now, so could you leave?"
"You don't sound sorry at all," he observed.
I clicked my tongue. "What else do you want to hear? It's not like I asked you to help me--you did it of your own accord. What, should I fall down on my knees and thank you for your sense of heroism?"
"One day, I'm going to do something about that poison-laden tongue of yours." His promise was sensual and dark, and I stared hard at my hands, barely holding back a shiver. He stood, and headed towards my bedroom door. "You're right though. I decided to help you on my own, so I suppose there's no one to blame but myself for your... lack of enthusiasm. And there's no need for you to be sorry towards me--not now, not ever." What was he saying now? He wasn't making sense, as was usual. "I'll let you rest--holler if you need anything." And with that, he made his graceful exit, leaving me angry and fussy and exasperated. What did I want? Wasn't it for him to leave? Yet why was I feeling so frustrated...
Sighing, I collapsed back onto my pillow and stared up at the ceiling, trying to empty my mind and failing miserably at it. Should I skip school when the sun comes up? No, it wouldn't be right--a waste of tuition money. I could never be so ungrateful. For now, though, I would sleep, and in my slumber fervently pray, once again, that I would not wake up and have to face the day.
***
I woke up.
I hate God.
As I trudged my ass to school, panting as it was difficult to breathe, I pondered briefly about who Heath had been on the phone with before I had awoken with him in the room. A secret girlfriend, perhaps? A bitter taste infiltrated my mouth.
I barely recalled how I made it to my seat for the first class. It happened to be the class Heath was assisting, too--hard to not think of the guy when I saw him more often than I did anyone else.
"Hi, is the seat next to you taken?"
A girl with short pixie hair and an overly sweet smile inquired, pointing to the one by my right. Immediately, I became uncomfortable. Why did people persist in talking to me when I had my beats in? Did that not give off the vibe, "Don't talk to me"? Maybe this person was just that dense.
I shook my head without saying more, hoping she would drop it. In my peripheral vision, I spotted Heath entering the lecture hall to hand the professor a stack of papers. He caught my eye, witnessing my discomfort and raising one of his eyebrows, as if he also couldn't believe what he was witnessing. Usually, nobody talked to me. But this annoying girl beamed and commenced to talk my ear off about how excited she was for the semester, and how she was hoping to make a lot of friends in college because she was a loner in high school... yadda yadda... I intensely focused on the blackboard in front of me, not because I found what the professor was writing was that interesting, but in an effort to dissuade her. But she could not be dissuaded so easily.
"Ooh, I like that anime character too!" She pointed to a sticker on my notebook. "The ending was such a plot twist, didn't you think so?"
"Do I know you?" I said, failing to hide my irritation.
"N-no, but I was hoping--"
"I hate spoilers."
I didn't let her finish and turned my attention back to the board. It didn't matter what she hoped for; I was not in the mood to make small talk--fuck what she wanted.
The chatty girl bit her lip but otherwise abided by my request for the remainder of class, to my relief. However, once class was over and I stood abruptly to leave for a smoke break, I noticed the girl tailing me, barely a step away.
Not wanting to cause a scene in the campus hallways, I pretended not to notice until we got outside to the outside smoking area. I crossed my arms and whirled to confront her, but she was no longer there. Huh. Maybe it was in my imagination...
"Hi! Do you need a lighter? Wanna use mine?"
The pixie-haired girl was here after all; still managing to smile somehow, she held out a rainbow-colored BIC lighter and held it out to me all innocently. What a complete paradox.
"I have my own. More importantly, what do you want?"
"Like I was trying to say earlier, I was hoping we could become friends. Is that too much to ask?" Her face crumpled in despair, which caused me to be taken by surprise--a rare accomplishment on her part.
"Why would you want to be friends with me?"
Truly, I was baffled. What made her think--no, what made her approach me to begin with? I knew I had a reputation for having one of the worst resting bitch faces on earth. This girl was bubbly and friendly--two characteristics I tended to avoid because I simply could not relate to those kinds of people.
She tilted her head. "What do you mean? I think you're really cool and pretty, and as soon as I saw you in the beginning of the semester I've wanted to be your friend. I only had the courage to talk to you now." She shrugged sheepishly and smiled brightly once more. "Is that too much?"
It was. It definitely was. And yet...
I couldn't shake her off, and that impressed me. It took a lot of patience to deal with me, I knew. It made my bitchiness melt away--albeit reluctantly.
I took out my own lighter and lit up a stoge without a word, unsure of what to say next. Luckily, she didn't stay quiet for long.
"I always thought it looked cooler when women smoked. Don't get me wrong, I don't smoke," the girl clarified as if I had asked, "but I do admire the women who do."
"What does that even mean?"
"I have a thing for tall women," she confessed, and winked at me. When I stared at her in puzzlement, she burst out laughing.
"I'm only teasing you, I'm teasing! God, you should've seen the look on your face."
Giving me another one of her wide smiles, she held out her hand for me to shake.
An offering.
"Nice to meetcha! I'm called Ruse, but I prefer Rue. I have a feeling we're going to be the best of friends."
Little did I know then that this would be the start of another human relationship full of bitter lies and disappointments.
But I supposed that, by this point in my life, I really should not continue to be disappointed by people.
So whose fault was it, really, if not mine--as always?
***
Rue followed me around all the time after that, whether I liked it or not. She was difficult to shake off, and I had grown tired of trying only to be faced with more of her optimism, which was even more annoying.
Truthfully, though, I was acting sulky on the outside, but I kind of liked the feeling of someone wanting my company again, for whatever weird reason. It was hard for me to accept the fact that there must've been a reason for her wanting to do so in the first place. After all, who would?
But if I could let myself live in this lie for just a little longer.
Just until I could feel like a normal human again.
"You should totally come to the party tonight, too, Irina," Rue sang as I closed my locker after shoving my books inside. "Only the hottest seniors are attending, and I heard their numbers are uneven and they need more girls."
"I told you, I'm not like that. I don't like going out."
"But you promised we'd hang out outside of your apartment sometime!"
"I did no such thing."
She pouted and linked her arms with mine. "C'mon. It'll be a nice change of pace. You said so yourself that you've felt stuffy lately--what better than to go out and enjoy the fresh air with new people at a beach bonfire? Doesn't that sound romantic?"
"No. I hate sand. And even if it did, that would be more of a reason for me not to go."
"Such a party pooper!"
I shrugged. "It's not like you didn't know."
It was new, this feeling, yet familiar at the same time. I hated to admit it, but spending time with Rue reminded me of Abel more often than not. Their personalities... they were so similar. It was like their happiness could never be dampened, even by my own exuding darkness. Of course, still different, but at this point in time I was craving familiarity because it gave me a sense of comfort.
Hanging out with Rue also made me nostalgic for Quinn, because my friendship with him had been so effortless, where I could wholly and unapologetically be myself--different from my friendship with Rue. Because she and I were so different, I felt the need to shield her from my toxicity, and I found myself prioritizing her emotions over mine in attempts to eradicate myself. If that made sense.
"True, but there'll be free drinks for freshmen! Isn't that alone good enough of a reason to go? Pretty please, for me?"
I rolled my eyes. Rue was a couple years younger than me; a nerd who graduated high school early with all her scholarships for college. It did strike me as odd that such a person would wind up coming to a local university like here, but I didn't ask--she probably had her own circumstances. Sometimes the age difference bothered me because it made me feel like the need to become an older sister figure, maybe because she and Rose were around the same age bucket.
"Pleaseeeee--"
"God, fine, I'll go! Just stop whining!" I snapped, unable to hide the irritation in my voice. I immediately regretted lashing out.
But Rue just clapped her hands and laughed giddily. "Okay, yay! I'll let them know. This is going to be so much fun! I'm so happy!"
I knew I was going to regret saying yes, but my head was thumping, and I felt the need to do whatever necessary to extract myself from her presence for a little while. Lest I lose my mind.
"See you later, then," I said dismissively, walking away. God, I needed a smoke very badly, but first--coffee. My headache was turning into a migraine, and I needed to appease it very badly; caffeine often helped. I headed towards my favorite vending machine (it was my favorite because it was old and wonky, and sometimes spat out my coin, giving me a free drink). I used to joke with Quinn that whether I'd be able to get a free drink from the machine depended on the amount of good karma I was harnessing on a particular day, and I needed some good karma right about now.
Turns out the world was against me--the machine would just keep spitting out my coin without giving me the canned coffee I wanted. Frustrated, I kicked the damn machine. Why was nothing going right today?
"Finally shook off the mongrel, I see," Heath's smooth voice interjected. He was standing behind me--I knew even without turning around based on the soapy aroma that was permeating from him, damn my sensitive nose.
"What do you want now. I told you before, I don't want people seeing us together and getting the wrong idea."
"Or the right idea." I could hear the hint of a smile in his voice. Sly bastard.
"Shut up. And isn't it kinda rude to call someone 'mongrel'? You don't even know Rue."
Heath shrugged and casually handed me a canned coffee that he pulled out from his work bag. I glared at him but took the drink as he said, "Was that her name?"
"She's in your class, too!"
"I don't recall. In fact, I don't keep tabs on anyone in that class other than you."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm honored." I took a swig of the coffee he gave me and felt immediate bliss and relief. Sighing, I closed my eyes. "Thanks for this, I guess. I desperately needed coffee."
He nodded and sipped his own. "I understand the crippling effects of caffeine dependency. Speaking of, your health is still not up to par since the night you passed out--are you sure you should be going out so late at night?"
It took me a moment to understand what he was referring to. "How did you know I'm going out? Were you eavesdropping on us? You creep."
"Not at all. I just happened to be nearby so I could give you the canned coffee... not my fault if neither of you noticed."
"Ugh. Look, I don't even want to go, okay? But I already gave Rue my word, and I'm going. One night out can't hurt. Plus, I'll take some Tylenol later before I head out."
"I still don't approve."
"You don't have the right to approve of my going out."
By this point, despite the tone of our conversation, we had naturally started walking towards his car together. Even though I made a fuss about people at school seeing us together, to be honest I had already given up--by now, people knew that we carpooled to and from school in recent days. I had eventually acquiesced to Heath's offers for a ride because riding public transportation or walking are both equally more tedious, and I needed to save my energy for homework and other bullshit.
"Hmm," was all Heath said as he casually leaned over to buckle me into the front seat.
"I'll be home before curfew," I commented mockingly.
He smirked. "Good girl. You better--unless you want me to punish you."
With those words I turned into a pool of liquid in my car seat. My desire for him flared hotter than ever. Must resist...
As he buckled me in, I felt his warm, addictive breath wash over my face, overwhelming my senses completely; and I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I leaned towards him to impose a peck on his cheek.
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Angst makes me wonder (even though you've probably talked about this, sorry) - how do the Dimitrescus help their loves through heavy trauma times (anniversaries, triggers, etc)?
Or alternatively- how do they get helped themselves by their partners?
Weh, I'm sorry, I was gonna do the second half of the question too but my brain is not braining. (also apologies for the long ass paragraphs)
The anniversary of the Massacre is really hard on Elena (and Max, but we’ll get to him), and as much as she tries not to seem bothered it’s not hard to tell that she gets very sullen around February, and just generally less… herself. Of course the Slaughter isn’t a secret, no one’s surprised that Elena kind of shuts down, but it still hurts Bela to see her be so depressed. Especially when she’s been such a light in Bela’s life. The problem is she isn’t entirely sure what to do beyond being extra attentive. It’s a lot of alone time for them, honestly. Not really doing anything, just Elena in Bela’s lap while they cuddle and Bela trying to take Elena’s mind off of it by talking about… anything. Anything that keeps Elena engaged. Bela wishes Elena would tell her more about what happened at Luiza’s house. It would probably do Elena some good to get it off her chest. But she can’t make her talk. All she can do is try to be supportive and provide as much comfort as she can.
Triggers aren’t as much of a problem for Elena, or at least she hasn’t had anything trigger her yet, so it isn’t something Bela’s had to help her with. She does understand Elena’s big discomfort with fire, though (which isn’t really a heavy trauma thing, but still), and is always ready to provide reassurance that it's perfectly safe.
Much like Elena, Max takes the first week of February especially hard. The main difference is he actively tries to distract himself from it with a lot of wine. It’s not initially weird to Daniela, because Max drinks quite a bit anyway, but it does become a concern when that’s literally all he’s doing. She doesn’t want him to drink himself into a coma, obviously, and it kind of forces her to intervene and take him away from the alcohol. The only other coping mechanism he knows is sex, but needless to say Daniela isn’t exactly down for it when he can’t even stand. She’s kind of stuck listening to his drunk ramblings for a while, but eventually suggests he try and write or draw out his feelings. “It works for Cass. Sometimes.” She tells him, throwing a notepad and some pencils on the floor for him. Max is no artist, but (once he’s more sober) he finds it kind of therapeutic to just.. Scribble. Not draw or write anything, but just mindlessly scribble and generally wreck the pages. Easier than talking his feelings out in the moment, anyway. So Daniela kind of inadvertently helps him that way. Maybe does some doodles in her own book while she watches him to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. Because those drunk ramblings were more than a little worrying.
The big thing for Melony is having panic attacks when she’s triggered (Usually caused by one to many unprompted/unwanted touches). Cassandra has gotten pretty good at not immediately trying to grab/hug Melony to ground her, since that usually just makes it worse. Instead she’s learned it’s better if she just… talks. Get Melony to focus on her. Maybe provide some kind of comfort item (like any kind of stuffed toy). Melony doesn’t like that Cassandra has to do this kind of thing for her, but she greatly appreciates it. She also argues there aren’t any specific dates that make her upset, but it doesn’t stop Cassandra from noticing how her tone kind of shifts during her birthday. Cass doesn’t really know how to help her with that beyond trying to indulge in Melony’s interests more actively. It doesn’t usually work. (Though she seems to go back to being herself after the day passes.)
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{out of paprikash} I'll try to do what I can today with regard to writing, but I don’t have much of a brain for it tonight. I’m a little heartbroken. I lost a very special hammie today to natural causes. He was about 26 months old, and my favorite of all the 20+ hamsters I've owned in my life. His name was Smudgie. For those who are interested, I've attached his story and a short video of him below the cut.
My previous hamster died just before the start of the whole pandemic and widespread shutdowns in the U.S. In mid March 2020, I welcomed Smudgie into my home, a male teddy bear hammie with white fur and soot gray ears like little smudges. I've had numerous hammies all my life since I was around five, I know the drill. Some nipping, squeaking, a little fear... and then a system of pets and food based on a business transaction of cuteness for resources. They put up with me, they get food. I get cuteness. But Smudgie was different. He was the sweetest most personable little guy right from the get-go. As a baby and on the first day home, he was letting me hold him without fear. Within a week, I was in love.
But then one day I went to see him... and everything changed. He was thin, weak, and he had diarrhea. I knew the smell well. Wet tail. It's a vicious and fast-developing bacterial infection, unfortunately common in pet store hamsters that have been kept together and thus exposed to each other's germs. Death occurs within 48 hours in many cases.
Now imagine my shy self... someone with social anxiety so severe that a phone call takes a week and many panic attacks to build up to. I'm home alone and cradling this hamster who's a precious sweetheart in my hand, crying, telling him he's gonna be okay. I call my dad, he doesn't answer. I'm on my own. And that's terrifying. But I'm cradling this tiny life in my hand who's depending on me to protect him and take care of him... and it just cut right through my usual terror, and I picked up my cell phone.
I called every place Google told me was within an hour drive. It was the height of the pandemic by that point. Everything in my state had just shut down a week ago. Most vets were closed until further notice. The ones that weren't? Oh sorry. We only take dogs and cats. Smudgie is lying in my hand, curled up, oh how his tummy must have hurt him, and I'm failing him with every new phone call I make. I'm apologizing, shaking, crying... and then... I get an answer. Finally. A place that treats hamsters that's open 35 minutes away, but.... their next appointment is a week away. I break down on the phone, telling the secretary I'm an experienced hamster owner and a microbiologist. I know he has wet tail. And he'll die within 48 hours if I can't get him help. There's a silence. Okay come on over now and we'll see him.
I get Smudgie into a tupperware container (not an airtight lid of course) and put the address into my gps. Getting lost while driving is a huge phobia of mine. I panic badly if it happens. But he'll die if I don't try, so I hope for the best, and I get him there. I don't remember most of the drive. That's typical of things that trigger my anxiety. But it doesn't matter because I'm here and now he can get the help he needs.
I had to leave him overnight while they ran some tests to determine the type of wet tail he had (there are a number of bacteria that can cause it, each requiring different antibiotics), and if he had any other issues. I drove home and... waited. I couldn't at all sleep that night because at any moment I knew I could get a call saying he'd lost his little fight. At around 9am the next morning, I saw the number for the vet on my phone. I hesitated to answer, but eventually did.
Diagnosis? Bacterial wet tail, three species of pathogenic bacteria. And dehydration. Not surprising given all the diarrhea. And he had a few parasite eggs in his stool. Like... tapeworms. The vet explained this to me and then paused before he said the treatment course. Shots of ivermectin two weeks apart. Antibiotics twice daily. Therapeutic liquid food three times daily. They do the first week and then I take him home, doing the feedings and the antibiotics, only bringing him back for ivermectin shots. I had a little scale at home, I could chart his weight. No guarantees, hamsters are so small and fragile, but... he has a chance.
The vet paused here. There was a long silence. With the cost of the meds, them keeping him for two weeks, and follow-up visits, it was going to cost around $2K. Another long pause. Do you... want to go ahead with this? I could hear the emotion in his voice. He was expecting me to say no. And as a doctor who wanted to help, that killed him, I could tell. But I said yes. Let's do it. I said listen, I've owned a lot of hamsters, and within one week of ownership, I've fallen in love with this little guy. He's special. And I wanna do everything I can for him. Now... I am not made of money. I lost my research job because of the pandemic. Online teaching pays shit. I'd have to seriously scrape to afford this. But Smudgie was depending on me, and I was not about to let him down.
The vet was... shocked. He said....... oh! Okay! Great! I could feel his happiness over the phone. He said that most people didn't consider hamsters worth saving, so most of the time, they were forced to just let them die, and that was heartbreaking for them. Not only that, but he said they have a lot of techs and vets in training that rarely get to treat and care for animals like hamsters because the owners just aren't willing to pay the cost. I said well... I'm willing. I love this little guy. Do what you can for him. The vet was... ecstatic. He thanked me. It was such a warm phone call.
Over the next several days, he kept me updated on Smudgie's condition. At one point, he managed my expectations. Smudgie wasn't looking good. But then... a turnaround! He was more alert. He was gaining weight. It seemed he was turning a corner here. Finally, I had an appointment to pick him up, and I got to meet the guy I'd been talking to on the phone and the woman vet who'd been assisting him with this case. Smudgie had been a teaching opportunity for many techs at the practice, and frankly, an inspiration. This little guy had a harrowing, painful illness, shots, people grabbing him, people shoving syringes into his mouth with gritty health food... but he was THE SWEETEST. They told me that the medical technicians were fighting over who got to feed him because he was that precious. Everyone wanted to hold and pet Smudgie. He was the darling of their practice, and everyone was rooting for him. When I walked in to pick him up, everyone smiled. I was engulfed in affection and well-wishes. Everyone loved Smudgie.
Then he came home with me and I was terrified. I'm a microbiologist, but environmental, not clinical. Not human or animal... but bacterial, fungal, I understand how bacteria grow in soil, water, sediment, that's my forte. But medical stuff.........total black box. I didn't want to fail Smudgie. So I worked hard. I set alarms. I did all the feedings and medications around the clock for three weeks. I didn't let him give me shit (he gave me a lot of it). I weighed him every day. I pushed past my own anxiety and fears to help this hammie I cared so much about and that had touched me and so many others.
Weeks of syringe feedings and vet visits followed. He gained weight. Everything looked great. It was time for his last follow-up visit. The vet thanked me for being willing to go the distance for such a tiny life, and I wholeheartedly thanked him for saving my hamster. I got to meet several people who had a hand in treating Smudgie. They even took a picture of him for their billboard of memorable pets. It was... one of the most feel-good situations I've ever experienced in my life.
Smudgie lived for over two years past this point, past when most pet stores and pet owners would have let him die. He was a fat, happy, pampered little mush, who loved to run on his wheel, loved cashews, and often loafed himself before his food bowl, content in his happy home. We had a routine, he and I. I would call his name sweetly to get his attention, he would come out of his plastic house, towards the end he had arthritic hips (I feel you buddy, I've had rheumatoid arthritis since I was two) and I had to help him onto it. Once on his house, I would, as I called it, give him "the full-body rub-down." I rub his ears, his neck, his shoulders, his hips, his sides, etc. Most hamsters, when you start touching them, duck away like yeah okay, enough, screw off. Smudgie always liked it. He wanted the rub-down. And then he knew he got his bowl filled with seeds, nuts, and other treats like veggies, dried fruits, fortune cookies, etc. to supplement his health biscuits. So he'd drop off his house and wait by his bowl, front paws on the rim, waiting for me to drop the goods. I'd give him a mix of sunflower seeds, various biscuits, and his favorite... dried cranberries. This went on for two years. I’d tell him, "Mommy loves you," and "You're such a good little boy," and give him all the pats and loves and treats.
If any hamster ever had cause to be the biggest, nastiest, feistiest jerk on earth, it was this guy. He'd really been through it from a young age. He'd gotten so many shots, been handled by so many unfamiliar humans, gotten syringes of liquid food sludge thrust in his face, and endured so many terrifying, jostling car rides inside a tupperware container, that if any hammie was going to be like HUMANS FREAKING SUCK, I would've expected it to be him. But nope. He liked to be around humans. He liked to be pet. He sought it out. First hammie ever of mine that felt that way. He was a true treasure. A sweet, positive, beautiful little guy.
Last night... I noticed a change. He was weak, lethargic, breathing very hard. The telltale signs of age-related heart failure in hammies. He was 2.5 years old, so... not unexpected. Most pet-store-bought male hammies live an average of 18 months. My hammies typically live longer. Smudgie was 26 months. Usually once I see them start to labor with breathing, it's 1-2 weeks until they die. The decline is excruciating. Sad. Painful. But I followed the routine. "Hey, Smudgie! Hi!" He tried to climb onto his house but was too weak. So I lifted him up onto it. "It's okay, I have arthritis too," I told him. Then I gave him the best massage to date. Ears, shoulders, hips, pudgy midsection... I figured, he's not feeling well, I should let him rest. But he goes to his food bowl and looks up at me expectantly, even as he's having trouble breathing, eyes half-lidded. I give him seeds and nuts but he noses around and still looks at me. He wants a dried cranberry. I had been giving him those for awhile now and he adored them. So I get one, and it doesn't even make it into his bowl, because he's making grabby-hands at it even before I can lower it down fully. He takes it, loafs himself in a round ball of hammie floof (he was a long-haired hammie, extremely floofy), and gorges. I smile, say, "Enjoy, baby boy. Mommy loves you. You enjoy yourself," and then I went to bed.
And this morning... he was peacefully gone, just laying down, as if asleep. No pain, no stress. Best little guy ever. 15/10, would be his momma again. But it hurts. A lot. Although... there's really nothing bad here. Smudgie had a long, happy, spoiled, pudgy life, one he likely wouldn't have had, had he ended up anywhere else. But this is always the worst part of pet ownership... the end.
I'm not in a hurry to get another hamster. Usually I run right out after one dies, eager to fill the void, but this time... no. I need some time. I need to reflect on this tiny life that had such an impact on mine. I'm not ready yet. There's no rush.
The video below was taken about three months ago. It's Smudgie half awake in his holding bin after I woke him up to clean his cage. I hope you enjoy.
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Villain's Rescue: the Reunion
MASTERLIST
[A/N: At last! I rewrote this like 3 times, but I think it was worth it.]
Tagging: @whumpsday @pumpkin-spice-whump-latte @octopus-reactivated @fanastyfinder @whumpy-arts-and-crafts @arsonfrogger @burtlederp @harri-00
CWs: drugging, panic attack, blood, hallucination mention, implied brain damage, (or mental problems at least)
Villain woke to the familiar sting in his elbow. As he cried out and thrashed, he realised he wasn’t restrained. He was laying down, on something soft, why was he laying down? It didn’t matter, he had to get the IV out, now! It was hard to grab the tube becauce of how his hands were shaking, and his breath was ragged and fast. Out, out, he didn’t want to lose anymore of himself, please! He yanked, and the bright red dripped down his pale arm in a solid line. It was kind of pretty. But it wasn’t out yet, he wasn’t strong enough. There was a dull ache, but he didn't even notice under his panic. He prepared to pull harder. Then, Hero had noticed what he had done and ran toward him.
“Villain, stop!”
Hero, tall, big-shouldered, angry, entered his vision, and Villain tried to scramble away.
“No, please, no more, you-you said, I wouldn’t have to go back unless I did something, please!” Though, the joke was on him for ever trusting his word.
Hero got on the bed (bed? Why was he in a bed?) and tried to pry his hand away.
“Villain, stop it! You'll hurt yourself!”
He was grabbing him, he was going to drag him back! Villain knew he shouldn’t, but he fought anyway.
“Please Hero, not the chair, don’t put me back, you said I didn’t have to, not again! Haven't you ruined enough? God, please!!”
A second pair of hands tried to take his trashing limbs. Smaller, younger. Was Sidekick here? He couldn’t focus enough to see. Hero’s low voice, which sounded a bit different than usual, was clipped.
“Villain, stop! I’m not Hero, you’re safe! Hey, look at me!”
Maybe, if he just behaved, Hero wouldn’t have to put him back. It took some tries, but Villain finally got his captor in his sight. Something was off about the picture, but he was too panicked to notice.
“Please, Hero, just stop hurting me, I’m sorry-”
“Shh, it’s okay. Look at me. What colour is my hair? What colour, Villain?”
Of course, Hero was blonde, what kind of question... Oh, wait.
Villain blinked, trying to clear his vision. The person holding him down had brown hair. The confusion was enough to finally still his limbs. He felt something warm run down his arm. Was he bleeding? When had that happened?
“What..?” he asked, suddenly feeling very tired and scared in a different way. “Who..? Wh-where am I? Where’s Hero?”
“I’m Vigilante, and you’re at my place. I got you out. Do you remember that?”
Flashes of memory ran through Villain’s mind, but they were hard to hold onto. The second he remembered, it would slip away again. Everything felt so fake, and his thoughts were like oiled up marbles.
Sidekick was crying softly, he heard, and he looked over at him.
Oh, but that wasn’t Sidekick at all. He was hallucinating again, it seemed. He saw Henchwoman. He screwed his eyes shut to not have to look at her.
Sometimes his mind twisted the illusions into something scary,
something that made him cry in terror. But then his vision was black, blindfold-dark, and he opened them again fast. Better to have visions than nothing at all. He settled on turning his head away from the delusion, which made him notice the IV again. Vigilante was still gripping his hand tight to keep him from tugging it.
“V-Vigilante?” he asked, unsure and scared of the answer. “Wh-why am I on drugs?”
“You’re not on- They're just fluids, and something for your fever. It's just medicine, Villain.”
The hallucination spoke, voice heavy with tears.
“Boss? Boss, can you see me?”
Villain flinched. If it wasn’t drugs, why was he seeing ghosts? Was Vigilante lying? What if he wasn’t Vigilante at all, and he was still at Hero’s place? He tried to push his tears enough to be able to speak.
“V-Vigilante.. Hero.. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know where I am, why am I on drugs again? Please, please get them out?”
Vigilante/Hero nodded. “Alright mate. I’ll remove it for you, I’m sorry they made you scared. No more IV, got it.”
“Thank you,” Villain breathed.
He thought he felt a thin hand lightly his hair, appropriately ghost-like and barely there, and he curled up to pull away from it. Please let him return to sanity before the whispered accusations start, before the haunting began for real.
The illusion sounded distraught.
"Boss, I'm sorry. Please, I tried to rescue you as fast as I could, I promise. I didn't mean to leave you for so long, please look at me?"
Villain shook his head. Not real, none of this was real. It couldn't be, and he clung to reality with all he could. He just wished his senses would quiet down soon.
Even though it wasn't real, the crying next to him made his heart ache.
“Vigilante, why won’t he look at me?”
“I don’t know Hench, " Vigilante responsed. "Who knows what he’s seeing right now. He will, give it time.”
Every time Villain thought he had reached the peak of his confusion, his brain was thrown for another loop. He turned his pale blue eyes to Vigilante. Or rather, what he thought was him.
“Wh-wait. You.. Can you see her? Henchwoman, can you see her too?”
The brown-skinned man looked up from where he was pressing something to his elbow wound.
“Yes, of course I see her. She's real, I promise.”
“Boss?”
Villain looked back at the apparition of the young woman. Her curls, while still wild, were limp and dull, and she was skinnier. If Vigilante had heard her, had responded to herquestions...
“Am I... Am I hallucinating you both?” asked Villain, weakly trying to grasp any kind of logic he could wring from his broken mind. Hench sniffed their tears away. Oh, he’d always hated seeing them cry, and instinctively, Villain wanted to comfort the illusion.
“No Boss, please, I’m real! I survived, Vigilante got you out. I’m here, I’m here, please!”
She wiped his eyes with her sleeve, just like she had since she was a teen.
For a long moment, Villain just stared at her.
“They... They told me you died. Is it really you?”
Hench nodded. She moved to hold his hand, but pulled it back at the last second. Perhaps she remembered how Villain had reacted, when he still thought she was a hallucination. And maybe she still was. Maybe Villain was dreaming. Either case, he decided not to waste the opportunity.
He reached up, and pulled the young woman close to him. He gripped herturtleneck as tight as he could, and cried into her shoulder.
“Ada, I’m so sorry,” he sobbed, “I am so sorry, please forgive me, I-I should have kept you safer, I’m sorry!”
After a brief moment of shock, Hench embraced him just as tight. She hiccuped through her sobs.
“Wh-what the hell are you apologizing for, Boss?”
Ada ran her hand over Villain’s matted hair, swaying lightly from side to side. Just like Villain used to do to her. Villain melted into the touch, and for a moment, he felt safe. He still wasn’t sure what was going on, the memories of being rescued were too vague to be reliable. But even if it was a dream, he was happy.
“I’m so happy you’re back, Hench. You know I love you, right? I-I never really said it, when you were alive, I should have.... I’m saying it now, I’m sorry, please don’t go.”
She hushed him.
“It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, Boss. I love you, too, and I knew. I always knew. And I always will.”
Villain nodded, feeling the relief flood his system and pulling him down into fogginess again.
“Ada.. I’m scared, I don’t wanna sleep.”
“Nightmares? Don’t worry, I'll stay right here.”
“N-no,” Villain explained in a soft whisper. “I’m scared I’ll wake up in the cell.”
And yet, he felt exhaustion pull at him. He clung to the living ghost tighter, who rubbed his back.
“Shh, it’s okay. I’m sorry this doesn’t feel real, but I promise it is. I’ll be right here, Boss, I’m not leaving you again. Tell ya what,” he softly laid Villain down on the bed, holding his hand and touching his shoulder to comfort and ground him. Villain feared that they would disappear if the touch went away.
“You don’t have to sleep. Just rest for a moment, with your eyes closed. No pressure, if you don’t sleep that’s alright.”
Villain felt a smile form on his face. It felt foreign, like his muscles weren’t used to it anymore. Vaguely, like poorly developed film, he remembered throwing a blanket over Hench’s shoulders, while she still sat at his work desk. Just rest your eyes, he’d say. No need to sleep, just do nothing for 10 minutes. The kid would be so exhausted, they’d usually wake up somewhere in the afternoon.
“You... You stole my line,” he joked.
Hench smiled too, through her tears. Her cheeks were flushed and red, and the lamp behind her turned her curls golden around the edges.
“Alright, you caught me. You’re going to be alright. Just rest, and heal, so you can be yourself again.”
As Villain, against his will, was pulled back into unconsciousness, his last lucid thought rang through his head. A worry, nagging at him through his fuzzy happiness.
He was himself already.
This was just all that was left.
#whump#mental whump#behind the masks#my stuff#my writing#villain#villain whump#vigilante#whump writing#drugging#panic attack#blood#hallucination mention#implied brain damage#(or mental problems at least)#mwahahhaha this one was fun#henchwoman
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hi idk if you’ve already written this sort of thing, if so you can ignorr😭,, this is a hc request for Hanji bc sometimes i just be wishing i could go thru the screen and comfort them, and tell them i’d love to listen to their long talks abt what they love discovered bc seeing them happy fills me w joy abskdjdj sorry im dragging this but im requesting if i could get a hc abt you giving Hanji different forms of comfort and overall being there for them? hope that’ll be okayy thank you Mars, i love your writing endlessly <33
a/n: iaosfaoijafsoi anon i love you, thank you so much for this request and for supporting my writing <3
Headcanons: Comforting Hanji
- Ever since becoming commander, Hanji has been more depressed than ever.
- In fact, you had never seen them looking so down before so you look for different ways to cheer them up.
- It wasn't unusual for you to find them crying in their office, blinds closed shut so nobody would be able to see them at their most vulnerable.
- In those occasions, you would knock on the door gently, a specific pattern to let them know that you are the one knocking. A soft, hushed voice comes from inside the room, giving you permission to enter.
- When you find Hanji like this, you usually sit on the floor and open your arms, watching as they crawl into your embrace. You will play with their hair carefully avoiding all the tangles and just allow them to cry.
- You will listen to their concerns attentively and just allow them to get this weight off of their chest. Just being there for them is enough in these situations.
- Sometimes, Hanji likes to listen as you list everything you love about them. It can be very soothing when they are upset.
- They will pay close attention as you tell them how much you love their organized mess where only they can seem to find anything in.
- Or how much you love to stare into their dark brown eyes and how much it reminds you of the tea you would drink as a child.
- Hugs are a big one too. Hanji loves to be hugged, especially if you are smaller than them.
- Distractions are also welcomed when they are having a hard day.
- Either something outdoors, like a picnic with all of their favorite foods, something you spend hours putting so much effort into so you know they will love it no matter what.
- Or something indoors, like drawing together or talking about what you would do once you got to visit the city on the other side of the ocean.
- When they are having a panic attack, you will touch their neck and ask them to focus on the cold feeling of your hands. You will also do a few breathing exercises with them in an attempt to help.
- You will ask them about titans, things that you already know but using it as an excuse to get their brain to focus on something else.
- Even though years have passed, the light in their eyes has never faded when you bring up titans. That same flame is still there in their chest.
- Bringing back a few happy memories is also a good way to get them distracted though it can easily backfire once you bring up Moblit.
- Hanji is fully convinced that they are not meant to be the Commander and so you spend hours explaining to them why Erwin made the decision to leave the Survey Corps in their hands.
- "He made you Commander because he believed in you. He believed in your talent as a leader and he admired your brain. Hanji, you may not feel like it, but there is nobody like you."
- "Do you mean it?" They ask, nuzzling themselves against your chest as you place a gentle kiss on the top of their head.
- "Oh Hanji, with every part of my soul."
#hanji zoe/reader#hanji zoe x reader#hanji zoe#hanji x reader#hange zoe#hange x you#hange x reader#hange zoe x reader#hange x y/n#hanji x you#hanji x y/n#hanji zoe x you#hanji zoe x y/n#attack on titan#hange zoe headcanons#attack on titan x reader#attack on titan x you#attack on titan x y/n#attack on titan headcanons#aot#aot x reader#aot x you#aot x y/n#aot headcanons#snk#snk x reader#snk x you#snk x y/n#snk headcanons
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r2
"Hey stay where you are. Everything is going to be okay. I'm on my way."
t/w: mention of anxiety/panic attack, overwhelmed reader.
Too much. Everything was just too much. The music was too loud, the rooms were too stuffy, the stench of alcohol was too thick, and the flashing neon lights made your temples pound brutally against your skull. You just wanted to leave; this was not the type of party you had expected when you received the invitation last week.
The ringing ended and the other line finally picked up. You eagerly speak before the other person on the line could say anything, “Hello? Sunny?” Your voice was shaky. “Sunny I need you to pick me up. It’s too much, I'm starting to feel lightheaded, I think I might actually pass out. There are way more people here than I imagined and-”
“Slow down, slow down man, what happened?” That was not the voice you were expecting.
Your mind went blank for a second. “Huh?...Sun..Sunny?”
“What? No, it’s Schlatt.” You brought your phone forward to see Schlatt’s name displayed across the screen and cursed at yourself. “You probably hit the wrong number but- never mind, that doesn’t matter. You okay man?” You were breathing heavy, a clear sign of anxiety plaguing your mind.
“Yeah, I-” The headache pounding against your skull creating a fog in your mind. “I’m so sorry. I’m fine, I just called you by accident-”
“You don’t sound fine.” He scoffed from the other side. “You said you were going to faint? Dude, I’m asking you again; are you okay?” The sincerity in his voice took you back a bit, almost as if it cut through that brain fog.
A little hesitant you were but he eventually coaxed you to explain what had happened and how you were now standing in front of some continent store. And how you’ve been trying to get a cab home but the store wi-fi was shit and-
“Hey, stay where you are.” Schlatt interrupted just as you were starting to ramble. You swallow the lump down your throat as he continued, “Everything is going to be okay, give me a minute, I’m on my way.”
“What? No! It’s so late, Schlatt there’s no need-”
“Shut.” You very much shut up at his stern, but of course, caring voice. “Send me your location.”
After quietly texting Schlatt your location, he told you that it would take him around fifteen minutes to reach and asked you to stay put. You sighed once the call ended. Troubling him was not your intention but, somewhere in the back of your mind, you were glad that he was the one coming to get you.
.✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ .
A little over fifteen, you saw a sleek black car drive down across the street from you. Once parked, Schlatt got out of his car and made his way over to you. “You look awful.” He said, trying in his own way to wipe that anxious look off your face.
“I do?”
“Very.” Just as he wanted, your stress-ridden expression faded into a soft smile as you chuckled at him. A small grin played on his own lips. You expected him to only walk up to you, so you were a bit stunned when he bent down to hug you. “I’m just messing with ya’, you look fine. You feeling fine though?”
“Better now.” You breathed in. The familiar smell of his cologne seeped out from his hoodie and almost enveloped you. It was a bit faded, milder than usual, but pleasant nonetheless. You found yourself in a calmer state of mind than before, more relaxed now that he was here.
Once you pulled away, he looked over your head and pointed at the convince store, “Let’s get you some water and a snack as well, wouldn’t want you passing out on our drive back. Sound good?”
++++++
Engage and let me know if/how you like the writing.
prompt credit: Simping Softness Prompts by @ soulmemes
master list
#jschlatt#schlatt#jschlatt fanfic#schlatt fanfic#jschlat fluff#schlatt fluff#jschlatt imagine#schlatt imagine#jschlatt x reader#schlatt x reader
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True Calling
⤷ dream x f!reader.
⤷ word count: 3.9k
⤷ requested: yes, by this lovely anon!
— summary: dream meets his favorite singer on an among us livestream.
“Dude, what could go wrong? Just do it.”
“What could go wrong?! Literally so many things, you ass.”
Dream heard Sapnap sigh through the mic right into his headphones, the dim grey of his Discord background doing barely anything to illuminate his features as he stared at his open messages blankly.
“First of all, don’t.. speak to me like that, I am doing you a favour by sitting here and listening to you panic about stupid shit. Second of all, nothing big could go wrong. What, you’re a little awkward in the beginning, maybe, and that’s it.” Dream adjusted his headphones a little bit, Sapnap’s rant flowing into his ears but dissipating somewhere halfway to his brain, because, yes, things could go wrong and he can’t be proven otherwise.
“Did you forget that I’m a public figure? And that my fans are insane? I say one wrong thing and it’ll be memed and haunt me in my dreams. Did you forget that SHE’s a public figure? And that this is live? God…” he retorts back, listening to Sapnap helplessly sigh once again in response. He anxiously switches from his Discord to Twitter, then to YouTube, to Twitch and then back to Discord, frantically clicking around. In reality, he knows Sapnap is right, and it’s anxiety whispering into his ear that he’s gonna somehow fuck up, but maybe it’s simply easier to stay and argue with him into the night instead of actually responding to that message.
The stream is still going. Quackity’s voice speaks over Sapnap’s quiet breathing. “Damn, he’s still not responding. Um, let me try Tubbo, maybe?”
Before he knows it, the opportunity to join the stream is slipping out of his fingers, and Dream isn’t sure if he’s happy about that or not. On one hand, he gets to meet one of his favorite artists whose album he’s played way too many times to count, and on the other, the chances of him embarrassing himself in front of that same artist and a hundred thousand other people are extremely high, and he’s not sure if he likes the odds of that.
“Man, I don’t know. You won’t listen to me, anyway. Don’t join if you don’t want to.” Dream hears the annoyed tinge in Sapnap’s voice, and that’s what pours the last bit of courage into his veins because the best way to do anything in life is to follow Sapnap’s advice after you’ve already irritated him to the point of defeat, and he murmurs a quick “bye” and hangs up before the other can even respond, typing a rapid “Sure, send me the VC link” back to Quackity.
He hears a delighted exhale coming from his Twitch tab just as Quackity forwards him the link. “Okay, nevermind, we’ve got Dream! He’ll join in a second.”
With that, he swiftly closes the Twitch tab and with an encouraging sip of water, he finally joins the Discord voice chat with the rest of the players. Your Discord image sticks out like a sore thumb to him despite being a super basic, Googleable picture of you that he’s probably seen a million times by now, and upon seeing it, reality slaps him right over the face and he realises that, oh shit, he actually joined.
“Hey everyone.” Dream speaks into the mic and a mix of excited voices greets him at the same time as he loads up the game. Your icon is missing the green halo. He stares at it, as if you’ll magically speak up if he stares long and hard enough. That, apparently, works.
Pokimane’s “Dream, hi!” seems to set something off in your brain, and you speak again.
“Oh, Dream?” the green halo appears, and Dream resists the urge to say something stupid or bite his hand or anything of the sort when you say his name. “Aren’t you the guy who listens to my music all the time?” you giggle.
Quackity laughs loudly in his usual fashion, and Dream feels his hands go cold as the Among Us loading page pops up. “Wh-huh?”
“Yeah, you-you listen to my music a lot! Your fans always tag me under that… ‘Dream’s Spotify’ Twitter account, I remember you.” Dream swears his heart is about to jump out of his chest and start bouncing around on the floor because his ribs are way too restrictive for that type of movement, but he tries his best to play it cool and laughs lightheartedly.
“I do! I’m, like, your biggest fan.” he grins, as if you can see him, and you laugh in return.
“Yeah, man, you pay my rent. Thanks.” you say and a couple of people laugh while Dream inputs the code and his character finally pops up, immediately running around like the rest of the group. He runs around your purple character and hears you chuckle as you run around him too, but not for long, because the game starts and everyone mutes themselves. He audibly sighs, because he can afford to, considering he’s not streaming and nobody can hear the amount of courage this whole thing is taking him.
A notification pops up on his screen - the Dream Team group chat seems to be talking. Must’ve already found some way to make fun of me, he thinks to himself as he huffs out a large breath and runs through cafeteria and weapons to do his tasks in navigation. Corpse is hot on his tail the whole time, and not to say he’s an untrustworthy guy, but Dream isn’t really looking forward to getting killed before even speaking to you properly, so he runs around, trying to find somebody to stick with so Corpse doesn’t shove a knife in his back while he’s doing a task.
Thankfully, Karl emerges somewhere from the direction of storage right into communications where Dream was going, too. Just as Dream starts finishing download and Corpse and Karl line up behind him, his screen flashes bright red and white and the bold letters “Dead body reported” pop up. Everyone unmutes themselves and his eyes bore into your character, immediately.
“Alright, the body was in top left of the… uh, upper engine. I need everyone’s positions.” Rae immediately spoke.
“I was in electrical, I-I went through cafeteria to the upper engine with Poki, there was nobody there, we did our tasks, went down to lower engine, then Poki left with Toast, and I went to electrical and the body was reported.” Sykkuno said, and Pokimane confirmed with a hum of agreement.
“Dream?” Rae asked, and he spoke up.
“I never even went that way, I went through weapons to nav, and then to communications, and then the body was found. Corpse can vouch for me because he was following me the entire time and I kinda thought he was gonna kill me. And Karl saw me in communications, us three were all together when you… reported the body.” He rambled, trying to defend himself.
“Yeah, it’s true, he was with me the whole time.” Corpse supported.
“Karl, which way did you get to communications?” Toast asked.
“Uh, through storage.” Karl replied quickly.
“That’s funny, ‘cause I was in security, and I could swear I saw you walk past.” Toast said, and a couple of “ooh”s echo through the call.
“That makes no sense because even if I did go that way, I wouldn’t have time to get to communications and start doing my task with Dream and Corpse if I killed Ethan! And Rae, you-you saw me do my task in storage!” Karl loudly defended himself.
“...that… that’s true, yeah.” she said.
“If you ask me, Toast, you’re being real sus for lying about that.” Karl threw it back at Toast, who protested.
“Listen, I didn’t say you killed anybody, I just said I saw someone run past!” he claimed.
“Bretman and Y/N are being real quiet, though.” Corpse points out, and the green halo around your icon lights up once again.
“Oh shit, I didn’t realise I was muted. Sorry, guys.” you laughed. “Um, I was with… Quackity, in… what’s that shit on the right called?”
“O2.” Quackity quickly jumped in.
“Right, O2. I went to… top left, first, and I did my tasks there, and then to weapons and then to O2, and then the body was reported.”
“You were in top left?” Rae repeated.
“Yeah.”
“And was there anyone with you?”
“Um… no? I was alone, and then I saw Quackity in top right, and then we went to, uh, O2 together.” you said and Corpse sighed loudly.
“That means she could’ve had the time to kill Ethan and run.” Toast points out.
“Hey! I didn’t kill anyone! I don’t even know how this game works…” you whined into the mic and Quackity laughed.
“Yeah, I dunno Y/N, you were dancing real suspiciously around me…” he said, causing you to defend yourself louder.
“Why would I kill anyone?! I don’t even know how to do that, I’m a nice person!”
“I don’t think she did it, guys.” Dream pipes up, tugging at the wire of his headphones absentmindedly.
“Shut up, you simp.” Quackity fires back instantly, making everyone in the call laugh, including Dream.
“Damn right, I’m a Y/N simp. She can do no wrong. I mean, look at that innocent face! She did nothing, I’m-I’m sure.” He argued, making you cover your mouth and giggle.
“Their face is literally the same as everyone’s! We’re all astronauts!” Rae protested, but Dream kept shaking his head.
“No, hers is more innocent.” he said. “Toast, why are you so set on accusing everyone, anyway?”
“Oh, you’re so not attacking Toast right now-”
“Guys, I think we should skip.” Sykkuno pipes up to calm the conversation, and everyone agrees, even though most of them mumble “sus” under their breath as soon as they mute their mics.
Dream’s tiny green astronaut stomps his way over to the left side immediately, changing paths this time and making his way into the Upper Engine, trying to finish his tasks in time and possibly find someone to accompany him so he at least doesn’t have to argue over his alibi. He had four tasks left, two of them in Upper Engine, so after that he was free to roam around wherever his heart desired. Just as he started doing one of them, he watched your purple character step in and run circles around him, earning you a quiet laugh that he didn’t know he uttered until he heard himself do it and silently scolded himself for getting that flustered at something so simple.
The two of you did your tasks together before going down to reactor. Just as Dream started doing one of his tasks, a dead body was reported again and he unmuted himself as Toast immediately started borderline yelling into his headphones.
“Bretman just killed Sykkuno RIGHT in front of me. I literally watched him do it. He killed Sykkuno in COLD BLOOD.” he confidently claimed and Dream, quite uninterested, grabbed his bottle of water and lightly sipped on it, wiping beads of sweat resting right above his eyebrows with his forearm, blindly looking around the darkness, trying to get his eyes to adjust looking away from the computer screen. His eyes searched for the window - it was open, just enough to let a fresh breeze inside, but it never seemed to do that, letting humid air in with open arms like a welcome guest. Florida is fucking hell, he thinks, gulping down some more water.
“No, I didn’t! I seriously did not, he’s the one who killed him and is trying to frame me now. I swear to God, Toast…” Bretman shouted into his worn mic, trying to argue back.
“Yeah, to be honest, Bretman, you were silent the whole time when Ethan died.” Rae reasoned, earning quite a lot of “ooh”s and causing little “voted” signs to appear next to Poki, Toast and Karl’s names as Bretman tried his best to fight back.
“I didn’t know I was muted the whole time! You know I’m bad at this! Why would I... you know what, nevermind! Vote me! Vote me! You’ll see when Toast kills you all, I don’t care anymore. I literally saw-”
Dream slumps further into his chair, sure that the foam would have a dent of his body shape imprinted even when he’s long gone from it, and unlocks his phone with a quiet sigh. He opens Discord, and wishes he hadn’t, because Sapnap and George are always on the front lines and ready to make fun of him at any chance possible. He types back a stupid joke, calling them losers, but before he can press send, a Twitter notification pops up on his phone that almost makes his painfully sweaty hands lose grip of the phone.
“this is so boring” your message reads, from your official Twitter account. Dream blinks a few times, and looks up from his phone to observe his murky, empty room, eyes flashing from the window to the ripped chocolate bar wrapper that somehow made its way onto the floor to a cup of coffee from this afternoon. Did the humid air finally get to him? Hallucinations?
He clicks on the notification - it proves to not be a product of his imagination, after all. Three dots dance around on his screen cheerfully, but they suddenly stop. His ears tune in. Bretman is still defending his honor. Something else must’ve interrupted you. His shaky hands barely hit the right letters.
He takes a handful of screenshots amidst his euphoria, and forwards them to the group chat with no caption besides an emoji sticking its tongue out - he wants to tell them to suck his dick, or something along those lines, but your message remains a priority as he rushes back to the Twitter app to reply.
“Right” he manages to write without a typo. “They’re annoying”
Three dots immediately return to his screen like a happy memory, and he almost can’t believe you’re texting back so fast. George would probably humble him by saying it’s because you have nothing better to do, but what George doesn’t know can’t hurt him, Dream supposes, and clicks on your profile instinctively as he adjusts his headphones on one ear. By the time you finish typing your message, the group decided to vote out Bretman, who ended up not being an imposter.
The three dots disappear as quick as they came, and so does the anticipation that bubbled up in Dream’s throat as he sourly leaves to finish the rest of his tasks. The rest of the game stays as boring as it started, save for the giggles and hushed laughter that came from you at every few jokes he made - of which he made quite a lot, in a desperate attempt to make you laugh, at least a little bit. Of course, Quackity was there every step of the way to accidentally mention how Dream sounded a lot more hype and alive during this game than he does ever, but you win some, you lose some, eh?
In the next game you actually decided to set up proximity chat, so of course Dream followed you around everywhere, hot on your tail at all times - what else is he supposed to do, when the chance presented itself, really?
“Are you imposter?” His character obnoxiously ran circles around you as you did your wires task slowly and unsurely since this stream was your first time playing.
“No, but I wouldn’t tell you even if I was, dummy.” You replied, running around his own character briefly before running up to do the rest of your tasks, watching the green astronaut follow you close behind.
“Why not?” Dream questioned, eyes following all your movements since he didn’t have anything better to do considering he finished all his tasks.
“Do you not know how this game works?”
“Yeah, but you’d tell me, right? I wouldn’t… rat you out.” He heard a sigh coming through his headphones in response, and his grin widened just a little, watching your character walk away from him.
“I know you wouldn’t.” you replied. “I’ll tell you if I’m imposter, I guess.”
“You wouldn’t kill me, would you?” Dream spoke into his mic, reaching to fix it and realising the way his hand trembled a little, fully aware he was walking the line between flirty and obnoxious more than usual. He lowered his gaze just to see his keyboard reflect the light of the computer back to him - the sweat from his palms seemed to seep onto the keyboard. He refused to think about the mocking things his best friends would say if they found out how nervous he was just to talk to you.
“No, of course not! I wouldn’t be able to kill you.” You chirped just as a dead body was discovered and the two of you were torn from the conversation.
In the next one, his screen flashed an ominous black and red with the word “Impostor” and your purple character stood proudly next to his green one, and he snickered to himself, adjusting his headphones one more time (the more he did it, the more he was convinced it was one of those anxious habits of his).
Shifting in his chair, he started moving and couldn’t believe his eyes when he realised the two of you managed to lock yourselves in a room with Corpse and Sykkuno, accomplishing a double kill in barely the first two minutes of the game. The two of you vented while Dream muttered curses under his breath, breaking out in a sweat wondering if you’re going to get caught or not as you casually hummed to a random tune while faking tasks, hitting the notes in such an effortless way that it made Dream relax and get even more nervous at the same time. It didn’t take too long before the body was found, and you seemed to adapt to the game very quickly, as Dream just sat back most of the time and watched you stretch out a whole essay on why you and Dream could NOT have been imposters.
“Why would they stick together the whole time? Couldn’t they get at least someone else to vouch for them?” Toast complained.
“Girl, Dream wants some… alone time with Y/N, obviously.” Bretman said, despite being the one most sus of you in the first place, forcing laughter out of the whole lobby, Dream’s sticking out the most as his mood constantly swayed from finding the whole thing funny to being worried sick if you actually find him weird.
“Exactly! And we’re gonna have our alone time if we want to, thank you very much.”
Well, Dream thinks, taking a stressed gulp of water from his bottle, at least we cleared that one up.
“I don’t think that sounded the way you wanted it to, Y/N.” Karl pipes up, making Quackity burst into another fit of loud laughter, and you immediately protested.
“It sounded exactly the way I wanted it to! Now, vote Rae or else.”
When the meeting was over, he ran after you through cafeteria, grin splitting out on his face before he even spoke.
“You’re pretty…” his silence extended as he watched your character stare at his. “...pretty smart.”
You snorted. “Right. You’re pretty…” you extended your silence in return, mocking him. “...too.”
His heart jumps. “You forgot a word there.” he says as you stomp out to storage.
“I said what I said, Dreamy.”
He swears this can’t be healthy for his blood pressure. In the corner of his eye, Discord notifications pop up like crazy. The boys must be watching your stream. His heart swells with both pride and dread, knowing he’s about to be called something along the lines of pretty Dreamy for the next two months.
“How do you know I’m pretty? You’ve never even seen my face.” Dream replies as heat creeps up like a spirit rising from soil, from the back of his neck, seeping into his ears and cheeks somewhat equally. His eyes dart to the window again. Of course it’s the stupid Florida weather that has him burning up, flustered. Maybe he should open another window.
“Is this an invitation to see it?” you say, a teasing tone clinging off your voice and he can practically hear you smiling.
“No, I’m just saying! If you want to see it, though, that… that can be arranged.” he bites his lip as a physical attempt of holding back the smile that breaks out as he waits for your response, chest puffing in both nervousness and odd confidence.
“Can it? I mean, I don’t need to see it, I just know already, you have those… pretty boy vibes. But I wouldn’t…” you chuckle. “...be opposed to seeing it, for sure. Don’t count on me not to leak the pictures, though. I want the clout.”
“What do you MEAN you want the clout, you’re Y/N! You don’t need clout from a Minecraft YouTuber!” He argues back, a small wheeze escaping him mid sentence as you giggle and run around, with him following your every move.
“You keep my fucking lights on, man! Whenever your Spotify Twitter account thingy tweets that you’re listening to my stuff, the streams go up! I need your clout.” you say as you run into admin and snap Toast’s neck and run back out casually, as if nothing happened.
“Yeah, that’s how me listening to your songs on repeat works.” he says and you let out some sort of irritated groan.
“Shut up, smartass.” Just as you say that, somebody seems to find the body and you’re pulled into a meeting, where Rae susses both of you immediately.
“No, because both of you are always together! And someone always spots you walking by the place where the bodies are found! At some point that can’t be a coincidence, right?” she accuses, practically yelling into the mic.
“Of course they’re always together, check- check fuckin’ Twitter! They’re trending on like three different spots already!” Quackity jumps in, loud as always, and the lobby gives off mixed reactions.
“What? We are?” Dream asks, and Quackity confirms with a “yeah, man! Check!” and so he complies, quickly pulling out his phone to check the trending tabs. Sure enough, among the politics and sports, “DREAM Y/N”, “PRETTY BOY” and “DREAM FACE” are crammed, sat at 7th, 14th and 18th place, respectfully. A satisfied grin breaks out on his face. At least they see it, too.
“This has to be the first time Dream has trended for something heterosexual.” Karl points out, earning loud laughter from Quackity and Bretman, less loud on your part.
“Exactly! We’re a power couple! Stay mad!” You shouted, with Dream supporting you in the background, although still shyly adjusting his headphones every few seconds, unable to comprehend that oh, this is actually happening.
Both of you get voted out during the next few minutes, but that really means nothing to Dream - they actually do him quite a favor, because the two of you get to excuse yourselves and he sees those three familiar dots dance on his screen again as he leans back into his chair with a dopey grin, playing with the strings of his sweatpants, waiting for your next and next and next message.
He opens Discord on his computer to type one last message into the groupchat before turning it off for the night:
Dream (03:14): maybe Minecraft wasn’t my calling after all
Dream (03:14): can’t believe I just met my soulmate on Among Us
#dream x reader#dreamwastaken x reader#dream imagine#dreamwastaken imagine#dream fanfic#dreamwastaken fanfic#dream fluff#dream x you#dreamwastaken x you#dream x y/n#dreamwastaken x y/n#mcyt imagine#mcyt fanfic#mcyt x reader
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BnHA Chapter 315: I Didn’t Expect This to Blow Up
Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “guess which plot that you thought was dead is actually not dead and is making a comeback!” and we were all “EVIL HPSC??” and he was all “girl you know it,” and that’s the story of how we got a sexy Lady Nagant flashback with lots of guns and murder. Flashback!Lady was all “gotta murder peeps to preserve the people’s trust,” but then a little while later she was like “actually wait that makes no sense,” and so she shot her evil boss and they sent her to jail. Back in the present, Deku was all “okay fair, the hero system might in fact be a little fucked up, but hear me out... have you considered not helping AFO take over the world so he can murder like a bazillion more innocent people??” The chapter ended with the not-all-there Overhaul finally revealing himself to Deku, and I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go.
Today on BnHA: In what is unfortunately the single worst plan ever concocted by anyone in BnHA, Nagant is all “I’m going to try and get this Deku kid to panic and freeze up by putting someone in mortal danger.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t panic and freeze up at the sight of someone in mortal danger].” Nagant is all “omg no way.” Deku, who is now all of a sudden being so OP that even I have to acknowledge that it’s OP lol, is all “[smashes Nagant’s gun arm to bits]”, which sucks but is also really cool, and which also apparently makes Nagant decide that she actually likes this kid after all. Deku is all “NAGANT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND THINK YOU’RE GREAT SO PLEASE JOIN UP WITH ME AND STOP BEING EVIL.” Nagant is all “aw shucks (✿ •͈ᴗ•͈) well okay then” and everyone is all “( ･◡･) ✰ ( ˆᴗˆ ) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)” and then Nagant FUCKING EXPLODES LIKE AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE AND FALLS TO HER DEATH!!!! except not really because Hawks saves her??? In conclusion, (a) THE FUCK, and (b) AFO TURN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANT TO TALK.
so I have to tell you guys something, which is that barely ten minutes after I made that “please don’t send me spoilers” post the other day, someone replied to the comments in a stunning fit of “tell me that you’re twelve without actually telling me you’re twelve” energy and posted what seemed to be the copy-pasted spoiler summary from reddit or twitter or whatever lol. so here is my good news/bad news rundown of all that
good news: I have very well-conditioned ABORT!! reflexes and have trained myself to immediately look away from the screen (usually in dramatic fashion) as soon as I realize that whatever I’m reading is a spoiler
bad news: unfortunately as I was subsequently deleting said comments, I accidentally read the very last one
good news??: said spoiler was so unbelievably, absurdly over-the-top that I’m almost positive this person was just trolling. like, there’s just no way lmao
bad news: but in the unlikely event that it is true I will absolutely lose my shit I swear to god
(ETA: “NAGANT DIES.” that was the spoiler I read lol. like, literally all I read from the person’s comments was “My Hero Academia Chapter 315 Title: “Beautiful Words.” Chapter starts with...” and then I noped out of there, and then of all the comments to read as I was deleting, it had to be that one lol. I seriously was just like “SURE, JAN.” all “just how gullible do you think I am” sob. but I was wrong. a troll, but an honest troll they remain.
but anyways like I’m pretty sure Nagant isn’t even actually dead lol, so in the end this whole little adventure doesn’t even have a point to it, but for me it was a journey!)
anyway, so there are apparently two versions of the chapter today?? no idea what the difference is, but I’m going to go with the Bean version, because it’s the one at the top and I don’t feel like making decisions today
huh, so Overhaul is actually more coherent than Horikoshi was letting on
look at him having a whole back and forth conversation with her. side note, how is he still this jacked when he’s been sitting in a cell doing absolutely nothing for the past six months
anyway so he says he’ll go with her on one condition. I wonder what that condition could possibly be. do you think it could be the thing he literally hasn’t shut up about ever since he reappeared lol
yep! and damn -- maybe this guy will surprise me after all
still would be nice if you also felt a bit sorry for the little girl you tortured and traumatized, but this is something at least. maybe Deku will yell at him for that other stuff lol
(ETA: also can’t help but wonder if he wants to make amends because he put him in a coma, or because his plan was a failure and ended up destroying the family. just hoping you’ve finally had that “hurting other people is bad” epiphany dude.)
anyways so now Nagant’s arm is transforming again, and this particular transformation happens to be the only truly unsexy thing that Nagant has done thus far so I’m just gonna skip right on ahead lol
aaaaand we’re back to the delirious ranting
buddy. just. read the fucking room, guy
wow she really is aiming at Overhaul, then. those theories were spot-on
damn she’s really out here all “it really fucks with kids’ heads when you kill people right in front of them and make them blame themselves” like yo
I’m picturing her saying all this in a very loud stage-whispery tone while making very significant eye contact with Deku lol
uh oh but wait
um. okay. who’s gonna tell her. Nagant I might have some bad news for you about the kid you’re trying to capture here. specifically about the way he tends to do the opposite of what you’re thinking that he’s about to do
holy shit
so it’s basically just “tap x repeatedly to charge up your attack” lol
and okay, so that’s cool and all, but is anyone else wincing at the thought of what that must be like on his knees. oh to be young
anyway, but so to the surprise of basically no one, Deku did not, in fact, freeze. I am very sorry, Nagant. he’s just like this
LMAO
someone wanna tell me how getting yoloed in the fucking ribs by this fucking slingshot kid moving at literal sniper bullet speed is in any way even remotely better than getting hit by the bullet itself lol
(ETA: this is 10x funnier now that we know the bullet wasn’t even gonna hit him lmao.)
anyway so now Nagant is having an extended “!?!?!?” reaction about how Deku just moved with no hesitation, and I’m starting to get an inkling of fear that the rest of this fight isn’t going to go very well for her and maybe that’s what all the “hoo boy” is about
oh my god Deku are you about to Gomu Gomu no Rocket yourself at her you insane little man
now Three is popping up again and he’s all “I see you’ve learned your lesson and are now only using three quirks at once instead of five” like with all this effusive praise about how great and badass Deku is and sob, okay, yeah. this chapter is basically one of those machines that shoots tennis balls at people, except instead of tennis balls it shoots hot piping discourse
OH MY GOD
YOOOOOOOOOO but also, NOOOOOOOOOOO
lol oh my god it’s literally two opposing reactions at once wtf. do I love this or hate this. like just for once can Horikoshi actually let a badass lady character win their fucking fight without getting their arm ripped off, BUT ALSO fucking look at that absurdly cool “SMASH” onomatopoeia though. it looks like it’s about to float right off the page holy shit that’s some seriously good art
anyway so is this really the end?? do I need to break out my ಠ_ಠ faces
lmao okay yeah I can definitely see how this would piss a lot of people off
he basically one-shotted her and she’s all “damn this kid is so amazing that I’m about to do a complete 180 turn on all of my previous angst” lmao. Horikoshi is really shounening it up today
on the plus side though, maybe this means there’s still a chance for her to join up with him after all? unless that spoiler was true lmao, then all hell is gonna break loose
YESSSSSSS
OH MY GOD AND HE SAYS THE BULLET WOULDN’T HAVE DONE MORE THAN GRAZE OVERHAUL ANYWAY, wow, I’m actually more relieved by that than I would have expected. I mean I would have forgiven her either way, but it means that there was still more hero in her than she was letting on
YES!!! FUCKING YES, THANK YOU
lol but I mean, it’s also like, “oh so today they get to have brain cells”, thank you so much lol. sometimes it’s really hard to tell which times we’re supposed to question these character decisions that seem dumb, and which times we’re just supposed to full on embrace them and switch off our critical thinking
but okay, so in this case it really was Nagant going easy on him on purpose, and not just her fucking up for no good reason even though she used to do this for a living and was the best in the game. and I know in this case it’s probably just Horikoshi giving us some consolation headpats to soften the blow of her losing so abruptly, but you know what, shit. I’ll take it
also you guys the light is coming back into Deku’s eyes again for just a moment here and I’m having feels about it?? the way it still comes back when he’s reaching out to save someone, and following his own hero path instead of the much darker and lonelier Christopher Nolan path that’s been laid out for him instead that he never wanted?? it’s both reassuring and also very sad
YESSSSSSSSSSS
DO IT LADY OMG PLEASE?? PLEASE COME BE HIS NEW IRRESPONSIBLE ADULT SUPERVISION YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO
AHHHHHHH SHE’S GONNA DO IT AHHHH
p.s. I am now absolutely scared shitless that that spoiler was actually true sob. swear to god, I will throw this manga into a fucking volcano. but we’re almost at the end of the chapter and this seems just WAY TOO GOOD to be true fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck f
UCK
NOPE NAH SEND IT BACK, NOPE, NUH UH, DIDN’T ORDER THIS. “GULLIBLE” OKAY FUCK YOU?? “COUNTERMEASURES” NOPE, DON’T NEED ‘EM, WE’RE ALL FINE HERE. WE’RE ACTUALLY GOOD SO YOU CAN JUST GO, OKAY. PLEASE
fuck, lol, I don’t wanna do it. I don’t wanna scroll down what have I ever done to deserve this oh my god
WHAT THE HONEY-ROASTED FUCK
WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING VOLCANO IN ICELAND THAT I KEEP SEEING ALL THESE PICTURES OF. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT. LET’S GO
ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW
can someone please give AFO a really good, sharpish kick in the balls. just really let him have it. I’m so tired, what the fuck
-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOL WHAT
bro. I was literally going through my Excel folders to find the spreadsheet about female characters in BnHA that I made back when Midnight died. was gearing myself up for a wholeass rant. and honestly I might just let all of that continue simmering on low to keep it warm just in case lol, because to tell you the truth I have absolutely no idea what’s happening right now
my girl straight up does not have a face. she used to have a face. people usually need those, idk. like, even if she’s alive, her gorgeous eyebrows are definitely not making it out of this and I’m gonna throw a funeral just for them
how the fuck did AFO just blow her up?? how did he know what was going on?? and if he had a quirk that could explode people at will, why is this the first we’re hearing of it?? you’d think that might have come in handy at Kamino or Jakku, like what
(ETA: present!me, who’s had more than three hours of sleep and can now actually remember facts about the series, would like to remind past!me that AFO gave Nagant a quirk, and so this is probably just more Vestige shenanigans now on his part. that’s also probably why Air Walk suddenly stopped working out of nowhere. still doesn’t explain why he doesn’t go around blowing people up more often though but maybe he thinks it’s gauche.)
Hawks just straight up out of nowhere. just Mirioed his way straight into the chapter just in time to be too late sob. here I was looking forward to seeing your face when Deku showed up with his new best friend. can’t believe Horikoshi deprived us of that moment
on the plus side, WELCOME BACK, HAWKS’S FEATHERS. I have no doubt that in this chapter of Deku being an almighty threequirk-mastering god, and Nagant losing anticlimactically only to be immediately blown up because girl characters in BnHA can only be cool for one fight and one fight only, there are still some people who are focusing solely on the “how dare Hawks get his wings back when he is a MURDERER this is an outrage what about CONSEQUENCES” discourse, and to hell with all the other discourses lmao
anyway, so yeah. wow. and now it’s just occurring to me that maybe the real reason why Overhaul is there is so he can get a head start on that amend-making by actually doing a good thing for once in his life, and using his quirk to heal Nagant. assuming he can still do that
and so now Horikoshi has got me out here actually rooting for Overhaul. you know what, on that note I think I’m just gonna go ahead and call it a day sob
#bnha 315#overhaul#chisaki kai#lady nagant#midoriya izuku#all for one#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha
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The Tie That Binds – [One of Eight]
[B. Barnes, Soulmate AU]
Summary:
HYDRA took everything from you, your life, your future, they even burned off your soulmark to make sure nobody would go looking for you. Now the man they forced you to fix reappears in your life, to make amends and to be ‘of service’.
You know that they made him do all those things, that James 'Bucky’ Barnes is not The Winter Soldier, that he’s innocent. You don’t blame him.
But that doesn’t make seeing him again any easier.
Warnings: Panic attacks, language, talk and depiction of home invasion and abduction, canon level violence, HYDRA levels of torture, angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, friends to lovers.
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Nothing felt real until you saw him again.
It was as if ever since 2015, you’d been living your life in some kind of limbo, nothing mattered, the same old routine day in and day out. The world seems to move in slow motion around you, everything slightly lagging behind.
Like you can only see in black and white.
Like you were numb.
And then all of a sudden, in one brilliant flash of light everything speeds up, colour blinds you and the numbness disappears, replaced instead by pure, unadulterated fear.
He walks slowly down the hallway of doors, his eyes locked on yours like he knew you’d be here, knew exactly when to catch you. That in itself sets off a million other fears in your brain, and no matter how many times you’d gone through this scenario in your head, how many times you’d stayed up formulating a plan for escape, you can’t seem to move. Your body is frozen in place, the only movement available to you is the shake in your hands as he gets closer and closer.
You can’t even seem to cry.
He stops several feet away, looking for all the world like he wanted to be anywhere but here, but he squares his shoulders anyway and takes a deep breath.
“Hi.” He greets grimly, voice more nervous than you’d imagined, though deep and distinctly tainted by a Brooklyn accent you might’ve found endearing if not for everything else.
You realise suddenly that you’ve never heard him speak before.
You only stare, unblinking. He takes another deep breath and continues.
“My name is James Bucky Barnes. I am no longer the Winter Soldier–”
The mention of him, the name itself, makes you drop the thick set of keys and the small stack of letters you hold, sending them clattering to the floor. He stops speaking and blinks down at them, then back at you, before he crouches down to collect them.
“… And I’m here to make amends.” He stands slowly and holds out your keys and letters, lips pursed tightly as he waits for you to say something, or react at all. But you’re still staring at him, still unable to tear your eyes away until he waves the items, making your keys jingle a bit, and you snap out of it.
“I’m sorry.” He says, seemingly sincerely, but your voice is gone, and you can only nod as you carefully, hesitantly, take your things back from him, thankful when he steps back again. He stares at you with a sad frown, and you want so desperately to open your mouth and to say something, anything, but you just can’t.
He shoves his hands in his pockets and takes another step back.
“I’m… I’m going to go home now.” He tells you pointedly, and you can only nod once more. He turns his back and begins to walk.
You take that moment to shakily shove your key into the lock, quickly heaping yourself inside and slamming closed the door.
Making sure you lock your door once again, you can’t stop the sobs that wrack your body, sliding down the heavy wood and curling yourself into a ball.
You don’t hear him stop at the end of the hallway, you don’t hear the way he curses under his breath.
-
You laugh wildly and wave off your friends, shaking your head as you enter your apartment building. Even as the doors shut you can still hear them talking and laughing loudly as they return to their own buildings, but let the first peaceful sounds of quiet hit you as you jab the button for the elevator and make your way up to your place.
The alcohol buzzing through your veins amplifies reality and you ponder what an odd sensation it is to be so cognisant of yourself when you’re finally alone after a night of being surrounded by others. You lean heavily against the elevator wall and pull your graduation cap from your head when you realise you’re still wearing it.
It wasn’t the first time you’d graduated, but it was the last.
Excitement bubbles in you once again as you exit the lift onto your floor, all the possibilities and futures that lay before you making you feel unstoppable. You were going to be big, the things you were going to do were going to be big and now that you were fully and properly accredited, you couldn’t wait to prove to the world what you could do.
You unlock your apartment door on the third try, and stumble as you throw your cap and purse on the counter. Tomorrow you would call back Stark Industries and formally accept their offer, but for now, you needed water, a shower and bed. In that order.
You don’t bother turning on the lights in your apartment as you stumble through it, moving for your bathroom, however, when you reach the main hallways that lead to your bedroom, you pause and frown, switching the light next to you on as you stare down the passage.
You could have sworn you’d shut your bedroom door… In fact, you’d made a point of it before you’d left that morning… but here it was, wide open, and even swinging slightly like it were caught in a breeze.
In your drunken haze, you only frown deeper and move further down the hall, tiptoeing as quietly as you could, as if you were going to catch a ghost or an intruder off guard, but when you reach the doorway and switch the light on, you’re greeted by nothing.
A breath of anxiety leaves your lungs. It had been a busy morning, you could have easily forgotten that you’d gone back in after you’d shut it.
You relax, and kick it open further, shuffling forward before closing it behind you, but it stalls, refusing to click into place. A little frustrated now, you push on it harder, looking down at your floor to make sure there was nothing stopping it from shutting, but everything was clear. With an annoyed growl, you tear the door open again, intending to inspect the door frame itself, but you’re stunned frozen.
A man stands before you, completed shadowed in black, all but his eyes covered. You don’t even have time to react, you open your mouth to scream, but his hand shoots out, grabbing your jaw, the noise dying out before you can even make it.
Your body trembles, tries to back away, tries to run but he already has you, a grip stronger than what seemed real pulling you by where he holds you.
“Pack only essentials.” His voice is monotone and dark, and from his free hand, he throws a black duffle bag at your feet between you. His words left no room for argument, no terms for negotiation and yet your inebriated mind throws this out the window. You manage to latch onto the nearest item, a small lamp on the cupboard next to you, and with strength you didn’t know you had, you smash the thing into the side of the man’s head.
He releases you, hissing, and you run, somehow past him, your sloppy, drunken movements tamed somewhat by the adrenaline coursing through you.
You make it to your kitchen, to your purse and your phone, but then he’s there, hand grabbing yours and squeezing so hard your phone breaks under his grip. Intense and unrivalled pain lances through your fingers and palm, joined by a strange burning sensation. You become acutely aware of the snapping sound of bones until he lets go.
“Do not run.” He warns, though it sounds more like a threat, and with his body now bearing down over yours, and the pain in your hand, you lash out with your other, trying to push him away, maybe injure his eyes. Your fingers catch on something hard though, and you only manage to dislodge his mask, revealing his full face to you.
You don’t know or recognise him, and there was something so cold and unfeeling about his expression despite the situation you were in that makes your skin crawl. It was like the lights were on but nobody was home, like his brain was completely disconnected from his body and actions, right up until his eyes narrow, and he lifts a fist.
You can’t help but glance at the appendage before it crashes into your face, something catching your eye about it as the moonlight pouring in from your living room window hits it, and you realise, it was silver.
The last thing you remember before he knocks you out is the strange, but all-too-familiar whirring of a mechanical arm.
You wake up with a start, air trying to claw its way out of your lungs desperately. Your wide eyes search the room, and momentarily you see nothing but four grey walls, slowly closing in on you, before your senses begin to return, and your familiar bedroom fades through the nightmarish vision.
Sounds of the city waking up outside serve to ground you, and you slump back against your pillows for a few seconds, allowing your breathing and heart rate to calm down before you peel yourself out of bed slowly, cringing at the way your hair sticks to your clammy, sweaty skin.
The cold Brooklyn morning is comforting to you, and although you’d usually sleep longer than this on a work night, you know you won’t be going back to bed any time soon. You make your way to your small, cramped bathroom and switch the lights on, quickly discarding your clothes.
When you reach for the tap, you pause, eyes fixated on your hand, the one you hand remember clear as day being all but crushed in his grip. It had healed, but the broken bones weren’t the worst of it.
They’d taken your soulmark.
You don’t know why they did, you guess it had something to do with making sure there were no loose ends as far as your abduction went. They’d cut the mark from your hand, burned the wound, until it healed into just a lump of scarred, white skin.
Out of all the things they’d taken from you, it was this that hurt the most. They’d taken everything and left you with nothing, not even that which you were fated for. Knowing that somewhere out there, your soulmate would be waiting, wondering where you were, but you’d never be able to find them, never be able to know for sure if they were the one...
The first blasts of cold water shock the thoughts from your mind, and you immerse yourself, basking in the feeling against your hot skin, before the water finally begins heating, fogging up the room.
You take a deep breath and force yourself to close your eyes, leaning your forehead against the white tile.
“They’re gone. You’re free, and they’re gone…” You begin repeating softly, the familiar mantra only just audible over the running water.
You hadn’t had a nightmare in months, not one so vivid anyway, not one that made sense, that was more a memory playing itself back than a dream. You didn’t sleep well as a rule, but normally your bad dreams consisted of other things.
You know it’s not a coincidence, not when he’d shown up at your door a week ago.
You knew he was innocent. You knew that. He’d been brainwashed and tortured and he was innocent… But that didn’t make everything you’d experienced less real. Coming to terms with the fact he wasn’t some monster was hard when all you wanted was someone to hate.
You suppose you just never thought you’d ever see him again in the flesh.
It was easier to fear the memory of something, but when it showed up at your door, apologising and wishing to make amends…
Despite your best efforts, you can’t stop thinking about him. What had he meant about making amends? Why had he sought you out after so long? What did he want?
Maybe that’s why when he shows up at your door again, you aren’t so terrified.
He definitely gives you a fright, but no more than anyone would seeing as you’d opened your front door just as he’d raised a fist to knock on it. A momentary flash of fear makes your eyes widen, but you’re rather surprised when it seems to pass over you, settling down into something more like unease.
For his part, Barnes looks a little bewildered, like he’d been caught out, and you wonder briefly, with no small amount of discomfort, how long he’d been standing there.
You both stare at each other, until he finally forces open his mouth and speaks.
“I can go, if you want,” He blurts, eyes darting over your features quickly, but always returning to your eyes.
“But I just came to ask if there’s anything I can do for you?” He nods slightly after speaking, as if he’d been practising the words and had delivered them just as intended.
You blink at him, completely taken aback, but somehow managing to find your voice this time. Is this what he’d meant by ‘making amends’?.
“I… I don’t know…?” You shuffle from one foot to the other.
“My… My friend told me that I should seek out people I hurt… to be ‘of service’.” He tells you quickly, as if he suddenly felt the need to explain himself. Honestly, it’s helpful, helping you put together more pieces of whatever the hell this puzzle was.
“You didn’t hurt me.” You say carefully, trying not to sound like you’d been practicing. You see his brow furrow, and his lips pull into a thin line.
“HYD– They were the ones who did it…” You take a deep breath, adjusting your hold on your reusable shopping bags. His eyes flicker to them briefly, but are back on your face in a blink.
“I read about you… after, I mean… I know you weren’t…” You lift a hand and tap your temple, though immediately cringe.
Barnes lips quirk, but any semblance of a smile disappears soon after, his eyes turning strangely soulful. With his haircut and altogether more well-kept look, it was hard to see why you’d been so scared of him the other day… he didn’t even look like the same person anymore.
“Sure. But I still did those things… I still owe you.”
You stare at each other again for a long while, almost like you were both just reacquainting yourselves with what you looked like. You weren’t exactly put-together yourself right now, but you can’t imagine you look any worse than when you were a literally prisoner of HYDRA.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” He asks again a moment later, and you suddenly remember that you were standing in your doorway, disrupted in your task.
“I– I don’t know, I’m sorry, I have to go,” You shake your head, and attempt to dismiss him for now. The store was only open for another hour before your shift started.
“I need to get my groceries before the shop closes.”
Barnes steps back, gives you plenty of room as you pull your door shut behind you, locking it securely. But when you turn back to him, his face seems to have perked up. It’s odd to see on him, honestly.
“I can carry them for you.”
You stare at one another again, and you find for some reason you can’t say no.
Perhaps you just wanted to see the former Winter Soldier carry your groceries.
The thought almost makes you laugh.
Not as much as seeing him trail behind you in the aisles does. You wonder if your sudden ease at his presence is similar to the ease you have when there’s a spider in your bathroom… You don’t want it around exactly, but if you’ve got your eyes on it, at least you know where it is.
You keep to your short list of needs, mostly trying to ignore the fact that this was very, very strange all things considered, and when you’ve finished and gone through the checkout, he grabs all six of your bags and waits for you to lead the way.
“Do you… do you live in the city?” You can’t help but ask him on the walk back. He looks at you, almost surprised, but nods, and averts his gaze again.
“In Bed-Stuy.”
It’s your turn to be surprised.
“That’s only a couple of blocks. I’ve never seen you around before.” You marvel. He doesn’t look at you, keeping his eyes trained to the pavement.
“I know.”
Silence falls between you again, and prevails until you reach your building.
“Thanks. This has been… weird.” You tell him truthfully, watching how his lips quirk in that almost-smile again. He hands you your bags of groceries and then looks about.
“You do this every Thursday?” He asks, and you shake your head.
“No, I just forgot all week, and I really needed milk.”
He hums under his breath, frowning slightly again as he digs into his pocket and pulls out a small notepad. You watch him scribble something on a page, before he rips it out and holds it out to you.
“That’s my number… if you ever need anything, call me. I’ll come.” Barnes says seriously. Nodding, you reach out to gingerly pluck the paper from his fingers, but he keeps a hold of it for a moment longer, locking eyes with you.
“Anything.” He reiterates. Swallowing, you nod again, and he releases the page.
“Thanks, uh–”
“–Bucky… Please just call me Bucky.”
You watch him with a strange feeling filling your chest as he shoves his hands deep in his pockets and steps away from you. It takes you a few seconds to build up the courage to actually say his name.
“Thanks, Bucky.”
---
Bucky waits until you’ve disappeared inside your apartment building before he quickly pulls his hands from his pockets, hissing in discomfort as he finally attends to the searing, itching burn that had suddenly begun attacking his soulmark.
A few good scratches does the trick, but it leaves him with an entirely different sensation.
Bucky stares up at your apartment building, despair and dread settling deep in his belly. Realisation spurns on a hundred memories, a hundred memories now with a new context, a worse context, and Bucky feels completely nauseous.
You were his soulmate.
And HYDRA had made you afraid of him.
If you enjoyed, a comment or reblog would be greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading!
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes/reader#bucky barnes/you#Story: TTTB#soulmate au
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Family Troubles
Pairing: JJ x Routledge!Reader, mostly John B x Routledge!Reader sibling dynamic
Summary: (Requested) After the death of your brother, you move to the mainland with a nice foster family. Months later, you get the biggest shock of your life that leaves you questioning what you want.
Note: I’m so sorry this took so long. I hope this is what you were looking for!
Word Count: 4.6k
You peek your eyes open to another sunny autumn day as your alarm echos off the walls of your room through your phone. For the first time in a long time, you didn’t dread the day ahead of you. Because you feel like you’re finally living a life worth living.
It’s been about three months since John B disappeared. The worst three months of your life. You never would have imagined living a life without your twin brother. It was lonely and heart wrenching. You didn’t think you would get through it. And living with the Cameron’s didn’t make your life any easier. Ward tried blocking you off from the rest of the world. He was afraid of what you could do to his reputation despite knowing most people wouldn’t believe you. You were just a Pogue with a criminal background.Your word means nothing to Kooks and cops alike. Nonetheless, Ward didn’t want to take any chances.
It wasn’t until you finally got in touch with Cheryl, your social worker, that your life started to change for the better. You couldn’t believe the irony of running to your social worker for help when you’ve been running away from her all summer. Surprisingly, she did hear you. She listened to you. She believed you! Although there wasn’t much she could do about Ward, she could help you get out from under his neglectful guardianship.
She placed you in a foster home with an eager Spanish American couple on the main land. Of course you weren’t ecstatic about it. Foster care was never something you wanted to be placed in. Especially without your brother. But at the time, anything was better than living with Ward Cameron.
The worst part of the process was telling your best friends. Kie and Pope, although disappointed, were happy for you because they knew this was what was best for you. JJ, however, didn’t understand how you could be so cool calm and collected about moving. Losing you to Figure Eight was hard enough and now he was going to have open water separating you two? He didn’t cope well with the news. He barely talked to you as you gathered your stuff to leave, almost didn’t show up to say his final goodbye with Kie and Pope. But he came as you were about to get on the ferry with Cheryl. The two of you cried and told each other you were sorry. You kissed his cheek and slipped a small piece of paper with your new address into his pockets. JJ reluctantly let you go with a promise that he will visit you as soon as he could and you believed him. Because he was your best friend, your soul mate, and partner in crime.
JJ saves up every week to take the ferry to visit you. He usually comes every Sunday, respecting your foster parents’ wishes that he not stay the night. At first they were wary of him coming over - they know about your past from the social worker and the News and how JJ was a part of it. They wanted you to have a new beginning. A fresh start. They believed you when you said your brother wasn’t a murderer and that you and your friends did nothing wrong. They were just afraid that JJ would convince you to come back to the Outer Banks (which he’s tried), or make you regress to past trouble making behaviors. But you explained to Maria and Luis, your foster parents, how important JJ is to you and that he needed to be a part of you life no matter where you were living. So they allowed him weekend visits, always making sure to keep an eye on you when he was here.
Someone lightly taps on your door until you say, “Come in.”
Maria pokes her head in and smiles when she sees you’re awake. “Morning, honey. Your appointment is in thirty minutes. Will you be ready to leave soon?”
You offer her a smile and nod. “Yeah, I’ll be down in ten.”
Maria nods. “Okay.”
She closes the door gently, leaving you alone to get ready for your appointment with your therapist. You agreed with your new foster parents to go to therapy once a week. They thought it would help you move on and grow and get rid of the nightmares that sometimes terrorize you at night. You went because you felt like you owed it to them to make an effort. They weren’t like the other foster couples you hear horror stories about. If they were gonna be there for you, you were gonna be there for them too.
The therapy sessions were working. You’re more open to talking about what you went through. The therapist never gave you any inclination that she was judging you or analyzing you. She just listened and asked you how you were feeling about everything. She helped you adjust to this new life on the mainland and taught you new coping strategies that didn’t involve getting into fights or arguing with the cops. She helped you through your anxiety about starting a new school and making new friends. She even prescribed you some anxiety meds that helped with your nightmares and panic attacks.
Both Maria and Luis drive you to your therapy appointment. You silently question why the both of them felt the need to accompany you to your appointment. You mentally list all the reasons as to why they both would want to come when usually it’s just one or the other. You’re too afraid to ask, thinking they’re about to drop a bomb on you and send you back to the island. You don’t want to hear it, procrastinating the inevitable for as long as possible.
When Dr. Hildegard greets you in the waiting room, she waves not only you but your foster parents as well into her office. The three of you take a seat on the brown leather couch in front of her chair. You awkwardly glance between your therapist and your foster parents, trying to read the room. You dig your nails into the skin of your hand to keep yourself calm, focusing on the slight stinging pain it leaves you.
“Good morning, Y/N,” Dr. Hildegard says. She takes notice of your fidgeting hands and smiles. “I know you must be confused and anxious right now. But Maria and Luis have something they want to ask you and felt you would be more comfortable having this conversation with me present.”
“Okay...” You say wearily.
Luis and Maria hold each other’s hands as they turn to look at you. You feel a little better when you see a smile on their face, making you think it isn’t going to be bad news.
“Y/N, how would feel about officially being a part of our family?”
You glance between your therapist and your foster parents and tilt your head in confusion. “I don’t understand...”
“Y/N,” Dr. Hildegard says. “Maria and Luis would like to adopt you.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Meanwhile, back at the Outer Banks, JJ is getting ready to leave his house to make the last ferry to the mainland. He had to pick up another shift to afford another boat ride and a date for tonight, which left him racing against the clock.
Someone knocks on his front door. “Shit,” He curses and looks at the clock. 3:04. He needed to leave twenty minutes ago. He doesn’t have time to talk to anyone right now. He figures it’s his dad’s probation officer or druggie looking for money. So he ignores it so he can find his wallet.
But the knocking persists.
“Fuck,” JJ grunts and storms to the front door. “He’s not here -”
JJ freezes as he rips the door open. He didn’t know who he was going to find, but he definitely wasn’t expecting his dead best friend to be standing on his door step.
John B smirks up at his shocked reaction. “Hey, stud. Miss me?”
JJ’s brain is doing flips inside his skull, knocking around with so many questions and curses and phrases and shouts. But with that is the immense excitement and relief that takes over his entire body.
JJ jumps on him and wraps his arms around his best friend’s shoulders. Tears inevitably prick his eyes and he physically holds onto John B. He’s in utter disbelief. He never thought he would get this opportunity again. To see and hold his best friend - the best friend that’s supposed to be dead.
“Wow. Who knew JJ Maybank could get so emotional?” John B jokes, trying to hide his own tears through his laugh.
JJ removes himself from John B and shoves him back by the shoulders lightly. He wipes his upper lips with the back of his hand and sniffles back the rest of his tears. “Shut up, bro.” JJ narrows his eyes at the dead man in front of him and asks, “What the fuck happened? Where’s Sarah? Is she -”
"Sarah’s fine. We’re trying to lay low right now. No one knows we’re back.”
“What -”
“Look, I know you’re confused and there’s so much I need to tell you guys, but first I need to see my sister.” John B says with a sweet grin on his lips at the mention of his sister. He was most excited to see her - his first best friend and partner in crime. “Is she here?” JJ’s face falls at the mention of Y/N because he doesn’t know how John B is going to take the news that she’s no longer on the island. John B notices JJ’s hesitation and immediately get’s worried. “Where’s Y/N, JJ?”
“She’s not here.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You trail behind Maria and Luis as they unlock the front door to their house. The car ride home was awkwardly silent. You didn’t know what to say.
“Oh...” You said. You weren’t expecting that. You thought they’d be telling you the complete opposite. Yet, you didn’t know how to feel about their proposition.
Maria and Luis looked at Dr. Hildegard for some insight or ice breaker since you froze up on the spot. You looked back down at your hand and pressed your nails even harder into your skin, leaving half crescent moons indented in your palm.
Dr. Hildegard kept her calm smile and said softly, “Why don’t Y/N and I speak alone and I’ll grab you guys at the end?”
Maria and Luis, although a little disappointed by your reaction, agreed and stepped out of the room.
When the two of you were alone, Dr. Hildegard asked, ���How are you feeling right now, Y/N?”
“I uh...” You stammered. “I don’t know. Shocked, I guess.”
“Usually when kids in foster care are offered adoption, they’re excited. Do you like living with Maria and Luis?”
“Yeah, they’re great. It’s just...” The last time someone offered to take you in as part of their family, it didn’t end well. It changed your life for the worst, you lost your only living family member left, and is the reason why you were here today. Although foster care isn’t that much different, you didn’t expect to stay with Maria and Luis past 18 years old.
“Rebuilding a sense of trust can be difficult after past traumas. But taking those necessary steps, of letting new people in your life, can help you over those humps.”
“Why don’t you get ready for volleyball practice? I’ll take you there when you’re ready,” Luis says as the three of you walked inside.
You nod silently and quickly hide in your room. You fall back on your bed that suddenly feels different than it did this morning. Like a reminder that it didn’t belong to you.
But maybe it could.
You get changed for volleyball in a pair of spandex and a t shirt. When you close the drawer, something falls on your dresser, catching your attention.
You pick up the fallen picture frame of you, John B, and the rest of the Pogues on Memorial Day Weekend. Kie had taken a selfie with all of you making silly faces at the camera in the middle of the marsh. That day always brings back amazing memories for you. Oh how you wished you could have another day like that.
You stare a little longer at John B in that photo. What would he say if he was with you right now? Would he say yes to Maria and Luis like he did to Ward? Or would he encourage you to be more careful about who you trust with your life?
Maria knocks on your door and says, “You ready, sweetheart?”
You place the frame back on the dresser and walk out into the hall to meet her. “Yes.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“So this couple....” John B says as he follows JJ off the ferry on the mainland.
“Maria and Luis,” JJ says. On the way here, he told John B everything. About how horrendous your life was after John B “died.” How Ward treated you like a prisoner. How you practically begged Cheryl to help you. How you ended up on the mainland with a lovely married couple.
“Are they...nice?”
JJ shrugs. “They seem like good people. You can tell they don’t like me around, but that might just be because they associate me with all the bad shit that happened to us because of Ward.”
“Does she like it here?” John B says as he takes in his new surroundings. As he and JJ walk towards your neighborhood, which isn’t too far from the ferry, he thinks about what your life could become here. Nice neighborhoods, friendly towns. It’s definitely better than the Cut. But it wasn’t home.
“She’s learning to, I think,” JJ answers honestly. “She doesn’t like being so far away from the Pogues.”
“Yeah, I can understand the feeling,” John B says. Although it was nice to have Sarah around while they were gone, he couldn’t help but feel like a giant chunk of his heart was missing. And that was the Pogues.
“This is it,” JJ says as they reach the end of a short driveway on the outskirts of town. A two story baby blue home with white shutters and a rose bush. Bigger than the houses on the Cut and smaller than the houses on Figure Eight.
“This is where she’s been staying?” John B asks. Something swarms inside his brain. He doesn’t know if it’s betrayal or jealousy.
“Yup,” JJ says, popping the ‘p’, “Her room is on the side.”
JJ knocks on the front door and looks down at his watch while he waits. Somehow, he managed to be about ten minutes early. Probably because of John B’s hustle to find his sister as soon as possible.
Luis opens the door with a friendly grin that quickly falters when he sees who accompanies JJ.
“Good Afternoon, Mr. Morales. Is Y/N, here?”
Luis looks between the boys and inhales a deep breath. He knows John B from the pictures on the News, the stories in the paper, and the cries of his name when Y/N was terrorized with nightmares in the beginning of her stay.
Although the adoption process just started, he and his wife felt like they were finally forming a family-like bond with Y/N. Dr. Hildegard suggested starting over would be in Y/N’s best interest, encouraging new friendships, joining extracurricular activities at school, staying away from the Outer Banks for a while. Luis and Maria made an exception for JJ, seeing how happy he truly made Y/N. But they never expected to see John B.
And he didn’t know what that meant for his family.
John B notices Luis’s hesitation and politely holds out his hand. “I’m John Booker Routledge. Y/N’s brother.”
Luis reluctantly shakes his hand, although apprehensive, never rude. He coughs awkwardly and looks back at JJ without saying a word to John B. “Tonight’s not a good night -”
“What do you mean? Sunday’s our day. She didn’t tell me she was busy -”
“I’m sorry, son. Maybe next week.” Luis shuts the door before JJ or John B could argue.
John B knocks again and even rings the doorbell. “Mr. Morales! Hey! Come back!”
“Here,” JJ pulls John B by his arm. “Come here.”
JJ and John B round to the side of the house where your window sits right under the middle point of the roof. JJ find’s the nearest and smallest rock and tosses it up at the glass of your window.
“What are you? Fucking, Romeo?” John B glares at his friend.
“You have a better idea?” JJ glares right back. “Trust me. I wouldn’t put it past Mr. Morales to call the cops if we kept banging on his door. They’re pretty protective of Y/N, which means they’ve never been truly fond of me.”
“Maybe she’s not here,” John B suggests.
“She’s always -”
JJ freezes when he hears a car pull into the driveway. They both look at each other before walking back to the front of the house. JJ notices Maria first when she steps out of the car. She has a smilier reaction to John B as her husband which makes John B bounce on his toes nervously.
You don’t see him at first, with your back turned to grab your bag. Then you spot him immediately.
You stiffen when you see both JJ and....your dead brother standing on the lawn. Suddenly your mouth feels dry and your heart is beating the crap out of your ribs.
“Y/N...” Maria says wearily.
“Hey, Dimples,” John B says with a smile, using the nickname he and your father use to call you when you were younger due to the deep pits in your cheeks when you smiled.
Your eyes shift to JJ who looks at you with pinched eye brows. He was expecting a different reaction. One where you run into your brother’s arms and squeeze the shit out of him in a tight hug.
But instead, you were feeling numb. You never expected to be face to face with your brother ever again. You convinced yourself he was really dead because holding onto hope that he was still alive was slowly killing you and even holding you back. You needed closure and that closure was accepting the truth that John B was dead and to never be found.
Yet, here he is. Standing and breathing and watching your reaction with a hurt expression.
“Y/N...” Maria says again and lightly touches your shoulder.
“I’m fine,” You finally speak, flinching at the way your throat feels scratchy. You swallow and turn to Maria and offer a polite grin. “I’ll be right in.”
“I don’t know...”
“Please, Maria,” You say, this time a tad more forceful but not rude.
Maria hesitantly nods and blocks herself away with the front door.
“I - I don’t - “ You huff. “How?”
“The Phantom...” John B licks his lips nervously. “Capsized...and Sarah and I...well...a shipment boat found us. Took us right to the Bahamas.”
“The Bahamas?” You repeat, taking two steps closer to him.
“Yes. There’s so much I have to tell you -”
“Like the part where you couldn’t call?” You say accusingly.
John B sighs. He should have expected it, but he didn’t prepare for it. He thought you’d be happy to see him, but now he’s realizing how hurt and confused he’s truly left you.
“It’s a long story -”
“Yeah, I’d expect the summary of your last few months to be a long one.” You look at JJ. “Did you know about this?”
JJ shakes his head. “He showed up on my way here.”
John B sighs. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t find a way to contact you, but we couldn’t! We didn’t want the cops realizing we were alive and we were looking for the gold -”
“The gold?” You laugh humorlessly and your hands run up your head to your scalp. Your fingers tug on the roots of your hair in frustration. “The gold’s gone!”
“It’s not! If you would just listen -”
“I don’t want to listen, John B! Because I don’t care about the gold. That gold took everything from me!” You yell as tears begin to build in your eyes, thinking back to what happened last summer. “I lost Dad, you, my home... I can only see my boyfriend once a week. And I was treated like a prisoner in the house of a murderer!”
“I know that it couldn’t have been easy for you but -”
“No. You have no idea what it was like for me when you were gone. Because you weren’t there!” You cry. “You left! You were living it up in the Bahamas, searching for gold, while the rest of us cried over your death and suffered the consequences!” Tears were now silently streaming down both John B’s cheeks and JJ’s as they watched you break down. “I couldn't sleep for weeks. I barely ate. Ward locked me in a room so I couldn’t tell anyone about what he did.”
“I’m sorry,” John B says. “I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you. Back home -”
“Home?” You scoff, shaking your head. “I have a home.”
“This isn’t your home,” John B says defensively.
“It has been. For the past few months. But you wouldn’t know that, would you?” You say with a glare. You look at the house behind him, noticing Maria and Luis snooping through the curtains of the window. You think back on what happened today and the options you had. At first it was a hard decision to make and now it’s damn right near impossible. “Maria and Luis offered to adopt me.” You say honestly.
John B inhales sharply and JJ furrows his brows.
“What?” John B says.
“I didn’t give them an answer yet. But this is an opportunity to start over.”
John B glares at you. “Think about your family!”
“I am!”
You suddenly feel exhausted and weak, like the day has lasted over twenty four hours. Your head begins to throb and your neck aches.
You sigh, “Look, I’m happy you’re all right and safe and unharmed, from the looks of it. But...I just need some time. Okay?”
“Y/N...”
“Please, John B?” You’re practically begging.
John B sighs and reluctantly nods his head at your request. At the end of the day, you owe him nothing and he owes you everything.
“Okay,” He agrees.
You walk past him without giving him a hug or anything, afraid you’ll break down in sobs and follow his lead back to the Outer Banks. But you need to be strong and figure out what it is you need in life, tired of following the path that always leaves you broken and alone.
You kiss JJ’s cheek as you walk by him. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
JJ squeezes your hand before you disappear into your house. When the door shuts behind you, you slid down it onto the floor, finally letting your sobs wrack through your body. Maria and Luis run to comfort you to the best of their ability, but they don’t know how to truly help you.
Later that night, over a cup of tea, you tell Maria and Luis everything. From start to finish. How your dad was obsessed with finding the Royal Merchant, to the compass, to Ward taking you in, finding out he murdered your father and covered up Sheriff Peterkin’s murder by using your own brother.
Maria and Luis glance at each other nervously. They know how important family is, which is why they want you a part of theirs so badly. But they never want to take you away from one you already have and love.
“I think you should think long and hard about what you want over the next couple of days,” Luis says. “And we’ll help you in any way we can.”
“I’m sorry,” You say, wiping away your tears with a napkin. “I know you didn’t sign up for this.”
“Honey,” Maria says, wiping another tear with her thumb. “We don’t want you to worry about that. This changes nothing for us, okay?”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The next day at dinner, Maria and Luis sit you down and offer eager grins. Just like they did at your last therapy appointment.
“Y/N...we have something we’d like to discuss with you,” Luis says.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
With the help of JJ, you meet John B at the Wreck with the others for a civilized conversation. Now that you’ve had a few days to think and calm down, you’re able to really appreciate how lucky you are to have John B back in your life.
When you see him standing in the middle of the restaurant, you run to him and squeeze him around his waist as he wraps his arms around your shoulders. You cry into his T shirt, telling him how sorry you are for your outburst.
“It’s okay,” John B cries into your hair. “You don’t have to be sorry. I should be the one apologizing.”
You pull away and wipe away your tears. “I think we’ve both been through hell and back and did what he had to do to survive. Neither of us should apologize.”
After giving the other Pogues a hug, the five of you sit down and recap each other’s last three months. John B tells you about his time in the Bahamas, how Sarah is laying low until she gets her shit figured out with her own family, and you describe life at a new town and a new school.
“It’s weird. There’s no division. No Kooks vs. Pogues. I don’t know if I like it or miss my enemies,” You say.
When the five of you are ready to say your goodbyes, you pull John b aside and say, “Actually, I think there’s a couple of people I’d like you to meet.” John B furrows his brows and follows you to a park where Maria and Luis are waiting at a picnic table.
When they see the two of you approaching, they stand and reach out to shake John B’s hand, officially introducing themselves and apologizing for being rude a week ago.
“It’s okay. I understand,” John B says. “Thank you for taking care of my sister.”
“Pleasure’s all ours,” Luis smiles. “We’re lucky to be able to meet you.”
“Y/N’s told us such great things,” Maria adds.
You roll your eyes playfully and look at John B to read his face. He seems to be enjoying himself.
“That’s a first,” He even jokes and looks your way.
“There’s actually something we wanted to ask you,” Luis says and takes his wife’s hand like he did at Dr. Hildegard’s. He looks at you to see if you want to explain. “Y/N...”
You take a deep breath and face your brother. “I have agreed to be adopted by Maria and Luis.”
“But -”
“Let me finish,” You cut John B off. “We talked about it and the three of us are going to move back to the Outer Banks to be closer to you and the Pogues.”
“But...” Maria says like a song with an excited grin.
You mirror her smile and say, “But...Maria and Luis want to know if you would like to a be a part of their family too?”
John B’s brows jump up in surprise. “Seriously?”
“I know it’s a big decision,” Luis says.
“And if you need time, that’s fine,” You say. “But, I think this will be good for the both of us.”
John B looks between you and your foster parents, who he can tell care about you greatly. Of course he wants that too, but just like you were, he’s nervous.
“Are you sure about this?” He says softly as to not offend the couple in front of him.
“Yes,” You nod. “I’m sure.”
John B inhales a deep breath and nods. “Okay. I’m in.”
#jj maybank#jj x reader#jj maybank imagines#jj maybank x reader#outer banks imagine#john b routledge#obx imagine#routledge!reader
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