#sorry but i dont have anywhere else to rant this shit on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

painedpen · 4 months

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Hi, i wanted to ask about your Mondo Oowada headcanons and platonic pairings :) i want to hear a rant, so dont worry about rambling

Okay so I’ve already answered an ask about my Mondo hcs, so now we’re gonna talk about my Kiyotaka hcs because he’s my second specialest little guy.

Fluff:

- Taka only really relaxes when he’s at home. He lets himself slouch and put his feet up while he works on a project. His manner of speech is much more casual when talking to his father. All around it’s the only time he can truly be peaceful.

- Takaaki’s grandfather came to the country from Spain, and thus the whole family is fluent in Spanish. This, of course, includes Taka. He speaks so fast it’s almost impossible to understand him when he’s speaking Spanish.

- His dad read somewhere that ear piercings could help soothe migraines, and decided to take Taka to get a couple for his birthday. Taka refuses to wear his ear cuffs anywhere outside the house, but he likes them because they make for good tactile and audio stims.

- Obviously autistic. Like c’mon.

- He is Very Normal about martial arts and weaponry. He researches extensively, and practices extensively as well. Because of this, he has a bizarrely wide knowledge of how to kill or seriously maim people.

- He actually spars with Sakura quite a bit. While he definitely can’t beat her, she enjoys that Taka is a bit more of a challenge than other people.

- Because of poverty and such, he was never able to afford good ingredients, so he only knows how to cook very basic dishes. He’s the best at making those basic dishes, though.

- You want ramen but don’t have the energy to make it yourself? Go to Taka, cause his ramen will have you meeting God so you can spiritually high five Her.

- You do have to specify not to put a crazy amount of spices in it though. He and his dad have so much spice tolerance it’s honestly concerning.

- He tries so hard to be well behaved, but growing up with Takaaki has had its side effects. Taka’s startle response is to excessively swear in Spanish. He’s mortified with himself every time.

- Honestly he’s so much more chill when he’s not in a professional environment. If you’re not at school or work he doesn’t give a shit if you swear or whatever. Just don’t do it in front of kids and he’s fine.

- Protesting king. Oh, it’s against the rules for people to wear their pride pins? Guess who’s walking down the halls wearing a rainbow flag as a cape? It’s Kiyotaka Ishimaru, motherfucker.

- Has probably been detained before due to involvement in protests. He’s always peaceful, but if the attending officers get a bit too eager, he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do.

- Can leap over an eight-foot-tall fence in a single bound, and will at the slightest hint of provocation.

- If he’s too focused on his work, the filter between his brain and mouth will forget to work. It’s honestly so entertaining because he’ll just say whatever comes to mind, no matter how insulting or rude it is.

Angst: (CW for Violence, Child Abuse, Scars, Eating Disorders)

- Okay here we fuckin go.

- Taka has more scars than anyone else in his class. Some are from his grandfather (more on that later), but most of them are from his grandfather’s enemies.

- As everyone has already guessed, Toranosuke wasn’t all that great to Taka. He would spend weekends babysitting sometimes, and would force Taka to study for days.

- He would lock Taka in his room and wouldn’t let him out until he decided that Taka had done enough. Sometimes Taka would go the whole weekend without any food.

- At one point, Taka tried to sneak out to get something to drink, but his grandfather caught him. Long story short, that’s how he got that huge scar on his shoulder.

- Taka dissociates while he studies now. He absorbs the information, but he’ll be mumbling to himself about “yes, sir… I’ll do better, sir… sorry sir…” even though no one else is in the room with him.

- This boy has had more pints of coffee than hours of sleep in his lifetime.

- He will mix black coffee and five hour energy and down the whole thing in under a minute. Everyone who knows him worries for his health.

- He obviously struggles with nightmares, so he’ll study or work out to avoid sleeping most nights. He normally stays awake until he collapses from exhaustion.

- Touch used to be a huge No for him. Even Takaaki could barely pat him on the shoulder for a long time. When Makoto first held his face, Taka started sobbing.

- Sometimes he’ll genuinely forget that people can be kind. When he sees someone doing something nice for him or others, it kinda knocks the breath out of him because “That’s so strange… I forgot people had the capacity for it…”

- Will straight up not eat for days. He got so used to being without food as a child that having three meals a day will actively make him sick.

- He does not trust teachers in the slightest. He’ll be respectful to them, but he’d rather bite off his own tongue than ask one for help.

- This is mainly because of his middle school days. Other students would beat him to a pulp, and the teachers would just stare at him, in a puddle of his own blood, and walk away.

- There was one teacher who did something worse than that, but I don’t feel comfortable going into details at this moment. Use your imagination, it’s probably as bad as you think.

Platonic Pairings:

Kiyotaka + Sayaka:

- I’m so smart for this just let me explain.

- Sayaka asked him to teach her how to do several Latin dances, and they’ve been best friends ever since.

- They really relate to each other in the sense that they both have had to work extremely hard in order to achieve their goals. They both believe that hard work can achieve anything.

- The entire idol group loves Taka, but Sayaka is the only one he sees everyday.

- He hangs out with the lot of them very often, and they help him loosen up a bit.

Kiyotaka + Aoi:

- This one is so obvious.

- Hina is Colombian, so she was ecstatic to find another Spanish speaker in her class. She constantly clowns on Kiyotaka’s accent though.

- They’re both so passionate about the things they care about it’s so cute to watch them interact.

- I think Taka is one of the only people that can keep up with Hina’s energy level consistently.

Kiyotaka + Kyoko:

- They are childhood friends.

- Think about it. Taka’s dad is a detective, so is Kyoko’s grandfather. Kyoko’s grandfather is too smart to fall for the whole “all Ishimaru’s are evil blegh!” thing.

- I’m saying they hung out when they were little. I’m right too.

- Taka helps Kyoko express her emotions more clearly while Kyoko helps Taka calm down and focus his mind.

Kiyotaka + Peko:

- Top tier sword bros.

- Taka saw Peko training one day and promptly decided that she was the coolest person to ever exist.

- Peko admires his true passion for the art of swordplay. He reminds her of herself when she was younger.

- I’m making Peko sound like an old woman here please excuse me.

- Taka admires her so much it’s so cute. He calls her Shishou until Peko asks him to stop. After that he sticks to Peko-Senpai.

Kiyotaka + Gonta:

- Sobbing crying throwing up punching the air.

- Gonta wants to be a gentleman and Taka is one of the best people to go to for lessons in etiquette.

- They are autistic together.

- Gonta calls Taka Senpai exactly one time. Taka starts crying cause he’s so honored. Gonta thinks he hurt Taka’s feelings. He never calls Taka Senpai again.

- Taka liked bugs as a kid, and still kinda does, so he and Gonta get along so well.

*Insert autism creature Yippee sound byte*

#danganronpa #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #trigger happy havoc #kiyotaka ishimaru #ishimaru kiyotaka #headcanons #takaaki ishimaru #toranosuke ishimaru #sayaka maizono #aoi asahina #peko pekoyama #gonta gokuhara #fluff #angst #platonic #hcs #yippee #autism creature #kyoko kirigiri

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the-chaos-crew · 6 months

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okay this is gonna be SUPER different than most of my posts but god ding diddly dang it I'm frustrated so hear me out

I had a bad childhood, like a really bad one, as far as I know since I was 6 but my dad and older brother think I probably was affected by the insane shit since 4yrs old. which if you don't know is pretty fucking young. and that traumatic childhood lasted until I was about 11. that's a pretty long fucking time for trauma to build up over time.

now because of this shit childhood, I developed the coping mechanism known as dissociation. I often feel like I'm in a dream or I'm watching someone else live my life and it's really really weird. now sometimes though, that dissociation is taken to an extreme. and extreme where I just suddenly BLIP lose several hours or more of time and I have no memory of it.

my IRL friends have told me that during these periods of time where I just black out, I act completely differently or my behavior shifts suddenly

I've tried denying that this is a thing and at one point I did consider Dissociative Identity Disorder. I snapped out of it of course cause I'm too young for that to start disrupting my life, right? yes my abuser is gone, she'll never return, I mean how could she when she is in an urn sitting on a shelf now. but, I'm a teen now, and in therapy, I should be fine and healthy now right?

I told my therapist about how these black outs in my memory freak me out and I just cannot keep ignoring it anymore, and my therapist told me to talk to my psychiatrist cause she might know a bit more and be able to help me

you wanna know. what my psychiatrist said? what she said about this very worrying and distressing thing that affects my life and relationships?

"you're fine, it isn't affecting you that significantly" (while I was there crying cause I am honestly scared about whatever is going on) "it sounds totally normal to me, everyone gets a bit more extreme in their emotions"

LIKE WHAT. LADY. AUGHHHFHFFHH

she completely waved off my concerns.

I don't try to get into discourse in stuff I'm not even a part of, but fuck man. this is what mental illness fakers are really doing. "erm endos aren't taking resources away erm uh" BRO. MY THERAPIST KNOWS OF DID, SHE KNOWS THE ABSOLUTE SHIT I WENT THROUGH AS A KID. and yet she isn't too sure about going anywhere in that realm of possibility other than me dealing with dissociation above the average for C-PTSD sufferers. why? because my therapist has dealt with one too many fakers trying to be fucking debilitated like I am, without the actual debilitation part!

my psychiatrist is waving my concerns and problems away because she knows that a lot of kids of my generation are just saying this shit for attention or clout or to validate their delusions

mental illness fakers are making it so no one believes the people who are actually struggling and it's making me pissed off. I DONT WANT TO LOSE HOURS OF MY LIFE TO SOME OTHER FACET IN MY BRAIN. I WANT TO GET HELP FOR THIS SHIT. BUT NO ONE WILL FUCKING BELIEVE OR LISTEN TO ME.

I WONDER. FUCKING. WHY.

okay. rant over. sorry. I'm just super fucking pissed and I just want help for whatever the fuck is going on with me dude

#ptsd #complex ptsd #actually ptsd #actually traumatized #did #actually did #dissociative disorder #dissociative identity disorder #endo safe #pro endo #endogenic #<- putting these here so these sick fucks can see what they've fucking done #go ahead block me idc #but please fucking acknowledge you're making getting help a million times harder for those who actually fucking need it #im not gonna give any threats thats mean #but please.please. i emplore you. to acknowledge that you are doing so much bad than good #thank you and good night #im tired

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zipndots · 3 months

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Saw the tags.

Here's an invitation to scream about the way people treat having a car/driver's license.

oh look at you, enabler you <33 (i literally moved to my pc so i can type this out just a smidge faster and more effectively. pardon any mistakes)

when my sibling was around my age, even a little younger, it got its permit. cool, right? soon enough my big sibling would be able to take me to school and get us food, i thought. its total driving time in its life is around. 4 hours? and thats me being generous.

fast forward ~8 years and im here with 4 hours of driving time under my own belt, hell, even my own car, because my sibling is physically disabled and i wanted to be able to help. thing is, i get so sick and dizzy behind the wheel out of anxiety that i literally cant go on an actual road without crying my eyes out and having a panic attack.

turns out my sibling was like that too, and thats why it had to stop trying.

my own reasoning to justify this anxiety and this sheer dread is because nobody can actually drive on the road here. i probably know the rules and laws of driving in my state (usamerican, sorry) than the majority of people licensed to drive here. you see people with bald tires flying down the highway at 80mph in blizzard conditions, half the time without their headlights, and no turn signal (either out of sheer laziness or because it is broken). do you know how many people on the road are willingly operating a 2 ton hunk of metal so irresponsibly? too many. too fuckin many. i, as a pedestrian, have accepted the fact that despite having right of way across a street that isnt even busy, will more than likely be run over on a normal day because nobody pays attention to their surroundings.

im constantly hounded by my own mother, who says she understands my feelings and anxieties around driving, on when im going to finally start driving and why i keep avoiding it etc etc etc. she doesnt want to teach me because it scares her. my dad doesnt want to teach me because he doesnt have the time (fair, hes a really busy man). my sibling literally cant walk half the time let alone drive. anyone else i dont trust to be in a car with without holding the "oh shit" handle because theyre impatient, irresponsible, and dont even know how to drive safely themselves.

i cant get a job where im living right now. i just recently learned i have some really bad asthma and that paired with dry air, intense weather (below zero temps in winter, above 100 in summer), and going uphill prevents me from commuting to anywhere close. there was a bus stop once upon a time, but they apparently got rid of it in the route, but never bothered to actually get rid of the stop, so the closest bus stops in either direction are uphill and over a mile away, and i genuinely just dont have the right metabolism to endure that.

every time i mention that to somebody, they always, without fail, say "why dont you just drive?" oh, gee, i dont know, probably the fact that i dont feel safe in something that can easily crush me, next to people operating the same machines unsafely and irresponsibly, and have seen first-hand how bad user error can destroy many peoples lives? combined with the fact that i simply prefer being a pedestrian?

the US is so abysmal when it comes to road safety and accessible sidewalks that its almost so funny it makes me want to cry. i feel disgusting having to use a ride share app or call a taxi and waste 40 bucks on a 20 minute ride because either there isnt a safe bus route/walkway or the route that takes me there via bus takes over three hours, taking up the majority of my day. efficient and safe transport here is so fucking awful and of course they wont fund any improvement on it because they dont see a profit to it. because of cars.

i dont even know how to end this rant. im just pissed off more and want to burn down my local government buildings.

#the anxiety was much worse when i wasnt medicated though so i guess thats a plus #i still want to throw up at the fact that i have to get in my car to go anywhere #and not just because it hasnt been cleaned in 20 years

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mrstsung · 2 years

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Kung lao sfw abcs

Ahhhhhh! Hat Bae time!!! It's kung lao loving hours.

(I mean i always love lao but ya know i have a shang simpin quota to meet. But outside the blog,it's always been lao lovin hours.)

Cw: none really,outside rant,maybe slight angst. Like lao is my ultimate fave character in mortal kombat period. (Plz don't be mad but lao comes before any other characters for me,even shang. Look i love shang but lao was my first,was here first,and still is best boi)

💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?): well kung lao despite seeming confident. Is quite shy. Not to say he won't make a move if pressured by friends/liu kang. "Bro make a move already,we'll be old and grey by the time you make a move with them,heck I'll have great grandchildren by that time!" . But after the ice is broken. He is the sweetest bean. He'll open doors,fetch you anything you need. And honestly regardless if this relationship goes any further. Kung lao is willing to always help you. Him baby ok? Sassy baby. But baby none the less. (Honestly me n kung would be a constant battle of "no you're cuter" "i love you more" "no,you hang up first" much to everyone's annoyance. But they also in the same are happy for Lao. )

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?): omfg besties. Granted friendship can come easy for kung but in the same vein,hard for him. He needs lots of reassurance. Plz help him. It may hit off good depends on who you are and your stances with him. But honestly kung lao is the best friend you could ever have. He is funny,loyal,has a cool hat,like fr what's not to love. (Ok im bias he's my main dude and i dont tolerate slander against hat bae) but if you don't like his "bragging" understand its not out of ego. It's a defense mechanism against the injustice his ancestors have been delt,the constant comparisons to liu kang(which dont make sense because liu respects him as an equal and so does lao right back so none of this slander in canon makes any sense and is kinda annoying af and unnecessary. And it shows hella bias and passive aggressive hate to him) and others pressuring him for perfection to be like everyone else. Yet they also brag about shit,yet when he does it. Suddenly its a problem. Sorry this turned into a rant. My bad.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?): he's a cuddlebug. Any chance he gets with you. He hangs onto you like superglue. His fave way to cuddle is to spoon you from behind,his face in the crook of you neck. He just buries his face in you. He is afraid to let go. Because sometimes he feels if he does. He wouldn't see you again. Again it's his fears. He tries to hide them sometimes and be strong for you. But oof does he die inside when you leave him. But reassuring him,you aint going anywhere. (Srry i just love lao so much)

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?): tbh if he could retire. He would but never fully. Because of not just his self responsiblity but also his loyalty to his friends. But domestic life with lao is sweet. He's equal with chores. He cooks pretty good. His fave thing to cook is noodle soup. Despite being a monk,kung lao isn't a true vegetarian. However most of his diet is vegetarian. But on lunar new year. He treats himself to homemade beef noodle soup and char siu. Its one of the few times he lets himself indulge like that.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?): oh no baby why did you do that?! Who would break up with this bean?! What's wrong with you?!. But if you had to,he would rather it be upfront and formal. But just know this is gonna hurt him deeply. And he may not open up again to another person,at least for a long time. Like oof.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?): ok kung lao,once he has made up his mind. Once things get past awkwardness. And he feels it's safe. Mrs.kung is soon what you'll be addressed as.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?): him baby like i said. Kung lao is a very gentle lover. Not so say he cant be rough. Not to say he wont be sassy. But to his beloved,he wants you to feel safe and secure in the same as he does. Hand holding. Soft caresses. Gentle "i love yous" and reassuring forehead kisses.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?): he loves hugs. This is a good way to reassure him. Any chance he can get from you. And laos hugs are super warm and affectionate. You feel safe in his arms. His hugs feel like home.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?): you may say it first. But after that he says it shortly after. And never stops saying it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?): he can get that way a bit. But honestly he trusts you. But not to say he wont be cheeky or passive aggressive to that person trying to get on his bad side. But in all honesty despite being a bit protective of you (he has good reason to be btw) he actually does respect your space. But he's gonna go to you about it 9 outta 10 times. But don't push him plz.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?): passionate,hungry,longing,sweet but also gentle. He kisses you as if they are the last kisses you'll ever share. Besides your lips. The neck,the forehead,the hand,and a gentle cheek peck is the common. But he absolutely is over the moon for a cute kiss on the cheek or forehead. But if you kiss him right on the lips? Im not responsible for how much he goes on and on about how sexy you are to his friends.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?): he loves kids. But he wants to be in a place to be able to support them properly. But kung lao is pretty cool with children. He's the fun dad.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?): warm tender hugs. A slightly raspy, "good morning darling". Morning tea brewing,a nice breakfast. Just peaceful.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?): serene. Here with you in his arms. His twilight respite. The crickets chirping. After a nice warm meal. Reclining and enjoying each others company before dozing off to sleep. Laying there in the soft moonlight of the window peaking through. His soft breath on your neck as you both slumber. To wake again to your handsome lao in the morning.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?): ok its a tad slow but honestly if he trusts you he will slowing talk to you about his insecurities. Like i said he needs reassurance. Once he has this from you. He trusts and protects you with his life.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?): don't push him. But he despite being boastful. He is hardly quick to anger. That is something you SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR! He is very patient despite his shortcomings. And he knows how to bring the hurt. Don't push him.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?): he remembers the important things. But sometimes he needs reminders. But that isn't his fault tbh. (Kung lao adhd anyone?) But he tries. He certainly makes up for it in acts of service and gifts and being there for you. No matter how late.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?): he says when he first laid eyes on you (kung lao you flirt). But realistically,

Probably your first date. This is where he bared his soul to you. Probably something simple like a picnic under a blossom tree. Or somewhere serene that ment a lot to him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?): very protective. But not so much so that he becomes overbearing. He knows you can manage yourself. But he still doesn't like to take chances either. He always is looking out for you. If you feel uncomfortable around someone. Talk to him,he'll speak with them to respect your boundaries. If you feel scared or anxious,hold his hand or arm. He'll wrap his around you and hold you close so you feel better. For himself,you just being there and telling him its ok is enough.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?): he tries to put as much effort as his brain will let him.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?): i honestly dunno. Probably beating himself up too much or taking on too much. Kung lao plz,take a break.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?): he takes good care of himself. But also he is humble in that area too? Honestly he isn't any more concerned than the next guy tbh. And i dont know where people get this from? I mean of course he wants to look good for you. So does everyone. So eh.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?): kinda yeah. He would be devastated if he lost you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.): kung laos hat has a subspace magic that can store shit and well as be a filter to help him teleport. Tho he can teleport without his hat. That hat is a good pinpoint to an area. He did a hat trick once,put a bunny in there. Johnny never shuts up about it. Constantly is trying to get him to do it for him. But kung lao refuses. Because it was one time. And he doesn't like to keep live animals n creatures in his hat for long. Because he care for the fur babies. Oh he also is a happy flirty drunk. But funny enough bo-rai-cho taught him drunken style too. So he can also fake it too. But he doesn't like using it often. But he'll never say the reasons why.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?): someone cruel. Especially to animals or children. Overall he's open and tolerant of a lot of crap (probably more so then he needs to be,but eh he is a monk. Patience is a virtue) but some things are a hard no for him. Cruelty and violence outside of a tournament or when nessicary is unacceptable to him. He can try to talk you out of it. But he isn't above whooping ass either if needed.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?): kung lao can sleep almost anywhere. But he has to have his morning tea and evening tea. Other than that,he's good.

⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩💖⛩

Hope you loved this.

Again we stan one spinny boi. 🌪💖⛩🥺

#mortal kombat #self ship #self shipping #kung lao #kung lao mortal kombat #kung lao mk #💖⛩hat bae💖⛩#an absolute cutie is what kung lao is #lao bao 🥺💖#mk f/o #my many self ships #lao is still got my uwus

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pwnyta · 1 year

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Okay so there’s the thing… I play CROB still (for some reason 💀) and couple of updates ago I sent you a pretty long message about all the changes and how ugly they are and how much I hate them and how they demotivate me and I don’t really wanna play the game, but that message, sadly, was completely lost when I sent it because of the internet disconnection… so, I was really angry about it and just decided to let it be.

But OOOOOOHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOD I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE‼️‼️‼️‼️ THIS FUCKING GAME JUST GETS WORSE AND WORSE, UGLIER AND UGLIER, LESS AND LESS CONVENIENT I— god I REALLY don’t want to be angry about it, but I’ve been playing this game for 2-3 years and put good amount of many into it (let’s not discuss whether it was a good idea or not, I have money to spare and CROB was one of my hobbies), but now the game is just so. Fucking. BAD.

Bro.

They changed the way to level up characters. I LEGITIMATELY don’t know how to do it anymore. You can pay GEMS to level up your characters (yes, you heard it right), they got rid of the character and pet gachas, BUT IT DIDNT MAKE IT BETTER!!!! I AM!!! SO‼️ ANGRYYYYYYY AGHHHHHH‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Today was a new update (it’s a Yogurca update) and I’m just…. Not only did they bring ANOTHER legendary treasure that is near impossible to get (I spent 50k+ gems that I’ve saved up + a lot of free pulls for treasure gacha and didn’t get SHIT), But also - and, tbf, I didn’t connect the dots until I went to the CROB’s YouTube channel - they’ve released a BOMBER cookie with a BOMBER jelly shapes for a middle eastern inspired world during Ramadan… need I say more?

God I’m so tired. I really liked CROB, I preferred it heavily over CRK, I was there for quite some time, but devs just get greedier and greedier, and they keep making game uglier and less convenient. I really don’t want to leave it behind, because, well, I put money into it, but outside of that, I still really like characters, I love their designs, I love the concept of the game and I REALLY love guild runs, they are fun! But at this point, I just login into the game everyday for rewards and to login into guild lottery. I just… god I feel so defeated. Why are they doing it? If the game is doing worse than they want, then just pull the fucking plug. I understand that some people are going to play and going to whale no matter what - I’ve already seen people with fully refined new legendary treasure, and that shit came out only couple of hours ago. But my GOD. I really liked this game, I felt nice while playing it, I liked the sense of accomplishment when I was getting better. Now the game is ugly, I don’t understand how to fucking LEVEL UP the characters and just….. ugh. Sorry for this rant, I just needed to talk about it somewhere 😓

Damn… Yeah IDK whats with CROB lately either. Im assuming theyre just putting more time and resources into CRK now, I know they never expected for CROB to get as consistently popular and well loved as it did and were planning for it to end well before… but like I honestly wish if they dont wanna do it anymore that they really did just shut it down rather than making things super bad until people just leave.

Which I mean theyre PROBABLY not going out of the way to make the game worse… but certainly FEELS that way. Or I guess its more they just wanna make more money off it. Since the Gacha was super generous when I was playing at least with the character/pet Gacha

And Peppercorn Cookie... great design... probably ANYWHERE ELSE at ANY OTHER TIME would have been a better time to release her... remarkably tone deaf.

It all really sucks since with Kingdom you need a higher end phone and it takes up way more space so theres probably a lot more people on the poorer side of things playing CROB which is probably why its so popular still… IDK.

Well IDK what to tell ya… I know I really loved the game and praised it for a long time and even spend money on it as well cuz I really enjoyed it… but it just stopped being worth it. If your still having fun just enjoy what you can… if you just wanna see the characters im sure you can find the stories on Youtube or something so you dont have to waste your time with it…

No worries tho. Im always ready to commiserate the loss of a good series or game...

(Unlike BNHA Im more sad about CROB than mad about it.)

#alladin-gohan

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bizarreandjarring · 2 years

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i dont know what's wrong with me, whenever I'm drawing/ painting I'm enjoying it so much like I'm having the time of my life, it's like the only thing that I can do and get lost in the zone while doing it, when I finish though...I hate how it looks like, like I despise it, and I try to tell myself it's ok bc I don't want a career in art, I'm not posting it anywhere and it's just for me and maybe my close friends, but I can't help comparing myself to other people when I see their art and it just sucks, I watch a bunch of tutorials and observe people's process like MAYBE if I do this right then I'll finally be satisfied. sorry for ranting in ur asks u can ignore this if u want I just needed to tell someone

don't apologise!! I'm absolutely always down to talk about art process and how it sometimes really really sucks and feels bad lmao

honestly comparing my art to others is something i really really struggle with, and i find it really hard to figure out my own style and artistic voice and not like absolutely hate it compared to other people. but its so awesome that you find so much joy in the process and you gotta hold on to that and focus on that enjoyment and fullfilment that you get from it!

idk if you want my advice like i don't want you to feel like i'm lecturing at all so you can totally ignore me but my take under the cut so i dont blow up anyones dash

if i was in your situation and just really not liking the outcome of things that you're doing, i'd go full experimental with it

i did this a LOT in school where when i hated every single thing i made i would just stop and start doing all sorts of like random clay crafts or weaving or like one semester i full on painted stuff and just detroyed the shit out of it. it's hard to compare yourself to others with that kind of stuff bc it's not anything you poured your heart and soul into

if that doesn't appeal to you, you could also try stuff like doing studies and copies, even tracings. just experiment drawing in different styles and practice drawing an object that you really like. when i'm really really down on my art i usually just draw a bunch of like shitty cartoon cats or frogs on a page just because i don't trust that anything else that i draw will come out any good, but i can still enjoy the process plus then i have a bunch of frogs

anyway just trust that happiness you feel when you make art!! that's it! thats the whole point you already have everything you could ever need

also here is an example of the aformentioned "just draw random shit" when i guess i was pretty angy about not being able to draw

#i hope whoever sent me this sees this and i hope you luck with your art #honestly you can always talk to me about this stuff art is HARD #i mean ive been doing it properly for what like...7/8 years? and i struggle its a learning process #but the practice will only make you better #and REMEMBER the art ecosystem NEEDS diversity!!!!!#it would suck if all this stuff looked the same!#ask

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viciousfox · 4 years

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shit

ok so ive been listening to creepypastas all night- the gristers shit kindof got me woww

alsooo my ex was downtown and also my friend and yea im a creep but im terrified that they went home together and omfg i cant stop thinking and panicking

hopefully just the late anxiety being a bitch but idk my friend wont answer any of my messages and ive been sending her messages abt creepypasta shit allnight and my gut hurts i want to cry

also i still hate my recovering body i want to rip all my skin and fat off yay

#personal shit #sorry but i dont have anywhere else to rant this shit on #idk ye a diary but thats more real and i dont want this to be real just a panic spree thatll go away when i write this down #wow im so pathetic

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latejulys · 2 years

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...

#sorry to be fucking ranting every week but like #i don't vent anywhere else <3 and u are free to block my tag #anyway #i did everything for the groupwork again 🙂🙃#wish i could drop these bitches but alas i cannot #and i have to put up with this until june #i have to stick with them until the fucking end of the semester #im gonna explode myself actually <3 teehee #they didnt even know that we had a deadline TODAY #and i kept updating them in the gc abt shit to do #but the thing is... we have read receipts on so i can SEE them looking at my messages #and they dont even respond <33 they just respond when i'm done with EVERYTHING #and i have no choice but to do shit bc there's a deadline... adn theyre not doing anything abt it... and more importantly #i will never let these freeloaders let my grade tank #holy fucking shit <3 #love and light 😋✌#istg i'm not usually this fucking negative but bitches be testing me tbh #y.txt

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b0mbshells · 5 years

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im so fucking bad at relationships! i get upset over everything! i cant let anything go! i Have to talk about it and if i dont i will die! and then italk about it and then my partner gets uncomfortable and then i Will die! nhghgdhfg!H!!!!gh1!G!H!!!!!HJKD

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technowoah · 3 years

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could you pls do a karl jacobs x reader with 9 & 11 from the fluff prompt list? fem or gn pronouns are fine!! <3

Crush Culture

karl jacobs x reader blurb!

Thanks for the request!! I hope you like it 💓

9) "Dumb ass I love you" "That was aggressive-"

32) "Oh shit you're Jealous?!"

(They changed the number from 11 to 32 btw)

⚠︎ swearing, jealousy, angst, fluff at the end, not that much dialouge, unrequited love, I didn't proofread..sorry

Masterlist!

Karl was such a sweet and caring soul. He would do anything for anyone, but sometimes that got in the way of your plans.

You and Karl lived in the same area, well you both found out you two lived in the same after planning to do a streamer meetup to show both of your fans. He had thought you lived further away, so when you both showed up at the selected place at the same time you both realized you live in the same state.

Ever since then you two hung out more and more, fans thought you two were dating because of how many times you showed up on Karl's streams instead of your own. You both debunked the idea multiple times but fans still insisted that you two were lying, jokingly saying that you were replacing Sapnap.

After a months of hanging out, having sleepovers, listening to his laugh, looking into his eyes, you started to slowly fall for the man. Especially with all the time he's willingly spending with you. He invited you to shoots with the Mr. Beast crew and after that you both went to Taco Bell, and that became a regular thing for you two.

The falling point for you is when Karl started to get touchy. He started hugging you from behind at random times, draping his arm over your shoulder, jokingly tries to kiss you during streams. At some point in the day Karl had to have a hand on you shoulder or at least two hugs. It made you want those hugs more often, and it slightly bothered you that he gave those out to anyone.

It was selfish of you to think like this, but isnt that human nature? It was a new thing for you to want to be with someone this much. It felt like you had to go all out to get Karl to notice you wanted to be with him. You started reciprocating his hugs and small touches, started making plans more often, sending little hearts after text messages. You could've told him your feelings toward him, but that wasnt your forté. At least right now.

Karl didn't notice the change in your attitude. Maybe he thought that his actions were rubbing off on you. You were so close to straight up saying "I love you" to him at this point. Looking back, you thought that your advances werent good enough, so right now you didnt try that much. You really wanted to be with Karl, but it seemer like it wasn't the time right now.

When you made up your mind that you wouldn't confess, Karl seemed to find someone. Her name to you was "candle girl", she was a girl who worked at a candle store that Karl had a crush on. He talked about her with a smile, the smile that you loved. He told you how she looked, and how sweet she was and how he went out of his comfort zone to talk to her.

Karl talked about her so highly you seemed like a second thought to him. He talked about her on stream while you were there too and you had to act like you were happy for him when in reality, when you wanted Karl to talk about you with the same gleam in his eyes like he talked about "candle girl".

It was one particular stream where you finally blew a fuse.

"Okay so me and y/n are going to head out. This stream was fun! Thank you all for joining." Karl exclaimed.

The chat went fast as Karl tried to pick out comments. You were swaying back in forth in your chair just wanting to get to Taco Bell before they closed. The stream ran longer than usual and the only thing you two ate where popcorn and Monsters.

"Where are you going? We're going to Taco Bell as always." You answered the question that someone commented.

"It's a tradition we have!" Karl added on.

"Y/N is replacing Sapnap? Yes I am hopefully." You said jokingly, knowing that would get clipped.

There was a pause, Karl was about to end his live until a question came up about if he has a crush on someone. You knew the rant about the candle girl was coming soon so you braced for the heartache you were inevitably about to face.

"My crush? There's this girl that works at like a Bath and Body Works you know? And I really like her. I actually got het number!" Karl turned to you when he said that last part.

"You did?" You asked stunned.

He laughed like he was surprised at himself.

"Yeah! Aren't you proud? Im a man now!" Karl joked around.

You mumbled an incoherent sentence, clearly not wanting to hear what he had to say about the girl. It was selfish of you to be jealous that he wasnt talking about you that way. Karl finally ended the stream and closed everything on his computer before the two of you headed out to his car.

You sat in the passenger side and he climbed into the drivers seat. He turned the car in and you both sat in the car not talking only with the radio playing softly in the background. It was a comfortable silence, but you wanted to say something, anything, but it wasnt coming out of your mouth. Seemingly the universe was for you because the text message on Karl's phone finally made you speak up.

"Oh!" Karl exclaimed as he opened his phone.

"Whos the text from?" You asked.

Karl laughed, "How'd you know?"

"Im a genius aren't I?" You smiled.

"Yeah you are. Its the girl! She texted me." Karl said while typing on his phone, clearly focused.

He kept doing so while smiling at the textx sent back and forth. It was uncomfortable for you while Karl and the girl texted quickly.

"I was actually anxious if she was gonna text me back or not. She's actually a fast typer-"

"Can we just go to Taco Bell." You interrupted Karl.

"What's wrong?" Karl put his phone down, but the notifications were still glowing in his screen in the dark car.

"I dont know. Just drive."

"No Y/N tell me."

"Karl I'm hungry lets go, please?"

"Not until you look at me and tell me whats the matter!" Karl pressed on.

"I said it's-

"Y/N!"

"Okay! Dumb ass I like you!" You shouted finally fed up with his pressure.

"That was aggressive-" Karl laughed after that.

You shouldn't have said that. His eyes widened at your sudden, agressive, confessions. It was embarrassing. You were about to get out of the car, your eyes kept staring at your lap or anywhere else, but Karl's way. Karl placed a hand on your shoulder while his phone was still blowing up from text messages.

Karl suddenly gasped and started laughing.

"Oh shit, You're Jealous?!"

You immediately looked towards him with confusion in your eyes. "Yeah I am! You're talking about this girl you like, you have this glow in your eyes when you talk about her, and I know it's selfish, but I want that."

Karl leaned over the armrest and kissed you on the cheek while you stared out of the front windshield.

"There's no need to be jealous!" Karl said as you both stared at eachother.

"I like you Karl. If you haven't figured it out yet." You laughed slightly.

"I like you too." Karl smiled wide and you matched his smile.

"Wait!" You started again. "What about the other girl?"

"Oh yeah about her." Karl started to laugh. "Its just a small crush. The real crush I have is you. I get so giddy when we spend time together and when I get a small text from you. Everything."

You both were leaning against the arm rest, Karl leaned his head on your shoulder as your hand rested in his hair. It was an akward position, but that didn't matter right now. Taco Bell could wait

"Maybe I was trying to make you jealous." Karl spoke up.

"Really?!"

"No!" Karl laughed. "I'm not that smart."

"Well everything worked out in our favor." You spoke up.

"Yeah. I love you, but you knew that already." Karl sat up and gave you a smile.

"I love you too Karl Jacobs."

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smutsonian · 3 years

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Dark!bucky X pregnant reader with someone else’s baby

dark!bucky x pregnant reader with someone else’s baby

warnings: darkish, smut, obsession, possessiveness, some violence, stalker!bucky, manipulation, asshole ex, i dont do crack but i was on crack when i wrote this but i dont do crack, not prrofread

word count: 1.4k

an: so i have no idea how to make a headcanon so this is an attempt pls go easy on me im a lil bitch

masterlist

- Dark bucky with a pregnant reader having a baby that’s not his will probably be an obsessed dark bonky barnacle

- Like fresh out of hydra bucky who’s so lost but then he sees you, a pregnant woman all alone, carrying bags of groceries.

- He’d be so mesmerized by your glow that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from walking towards you and helping you.

- It’s like he’s never seen something so pure but then there you are, walking around with this light surrounding you. Like a goddess in Bucky’s eyes.

- He would be a terrific actor because you wouldn’t even notice his accent and how does this guy able to speak a lot of words just like that? He’s suddenly a friendly dude. Far from the assassin described all over the news.

- He won’t ask about the lack of a partner by your side but he can easily manipulate the conversation to that topic.

- “How come a lady like yourself is all on your own?”

- And just like that, you tell him your life story. Maybe it’s because of the hormones that you just wanted to rant about your horrible partner that left you the minute you told him the news or maybe it’s because you felt so safe with this hot stranger… A big mistake on your side, to be honest. Or is it?

- Bucky would listen to every word you’d say while he memorizes every single detail about you. The way your lips move when you talk, the way you would lick your lips when you’ve been talking nonstop. How you smell; he’ll inch closer to you just to get a whiff and he’ll be so intoxicated.

- He’ll be walking you back to your home and that will be the start of something…

- Bucky would be watching your every move. He’d call it watching over you but dark bonky is bonkers.

- And he’ll see you interacting with children at the cafe, at the bakery, anywhere and his heart will melt at how you’re so good with children.

- Then he’ll see how your stomach will grow bigger as the child inside grows and this guy’s protectiveness will grow as well…

- Obsessed and protective bucky is a lot to take in

- BUT obsessed, protective, jealous, AND horny bucky will be the death of all vaginas.

- He’d watch as your asshole ex-boyfriend comes back, trying to win you back and bucky would just wait for how you’ll react while his whole body heats up with anger, hungry for murder. Preferably your ex-boyfriend.

- But then bucky would be all giddy and would wear a grin all the time when he sees you reject the asshole, telling him that you’ve fallen for someone else.

- That grin would soon fall when this asshole of an ex of yours calls you names such as a slut, whore, and whatnot.

- That grin comes back when bucky finally deals with that ex-boyfriend.

- Would you look at that? Bucky answers your call the next day, crying your heart out because your asshole ex came back which hurt your feelings and a very hormonal pregnant woman can’t just go through all that.

- Bucky is there to the rescue because he’s at your door in a blink with a lot of comfort food.

- Your heart melts at that and you’d fall for him deeper every moment he’s with you.

- How can a guy be so perfect?

- You’d secretly wish he’s the father of your unborn child.

- That wish wouldn’t be much of a dream because bucky would confess his love to you and dadadada would you look at that! You’d fall even MORE because of how he kissed your bump, promising you and the baby that he’ll take good care of you.

- Could you be more in love? This man would always talk to your bump and will always be at your service.

- You whine from back pain? This guy will give you the best massage ever.

- Cravings? No problem because this guy will fill your pantry until the whole grocery is moved into your home. The home that became bucky’s as well.

- Of course, due to pregnancy hormones, you’d be hungry for some action and you best believe that bucky will not let his girl wait.

- He’d give you everything.

- He’d see you whining, noticing how you’ve been grumpy the whole day and he’ll act oblivious but he exactly knows what’s happening. He can practically smell your fluids, duh.

- “What’s wrong, doll?” His voice would be extra sultry and you would just blame it on your hormones but this mf is doing it on purpose.

- You’d try to play it cool but this man will do everything that’ll make you so very hot and bothered.

- “How about a massage?” He’ll over, already running his hands over your stiff shoulders and earning a moan from you.

- He only smirks as he plays your body like a fiddle.

- Then all of a sudden, you’re naked.

- He’d cloth you with oil, claiming that it’ll feel good and lord have mercy it does feel good.

- He’d start from your back, going lower and lower until his focus is on your ass.

- Bucky’s pants will get tighter as the smell of your arousal invades his senses and how about that? Now bucky is naked as well.

- He spreads your cheeks before inhaling your scent more.

- He’d admire the sounds you’re making as he devours that pussae.

- Cumming once will not be enough because he wouldn’t stop until you’re begging for his cock.

- “PLEASE BUCKY! I need it!” You’d scream out but that’s not enough for this fucker.

- “Tell me what you want, baby…” He’ll be sucking on your neck, continuously pulling moans from you.

- “I need your cock in my pussy…” You finally whisper, breathing heavily and squealing in ecstasy as his cock finally enters your begging cunt.

- “AAHH fuck!” Bucky would be having visions inside his head as soon as he gets that magical pussy skkskksks because he’s never felt this way before.

- He’d be rutting into you like a starved caveman and you’d be rutting your ass back against him, just as hungry as he is.

- You just feel so good around his cock. Your walls are so snug and so wet, bucky would fucking die for that pussae.

- After a few minutes, or maybe hours idk y’all are a different type of horny…

- You’ve cum a lot of times and bucky has spilled his seed inside you over and over…

- You’d be cuddling and this man is wrapped around you like a fuckin’ koala.

- He won’t let you get away unless you’re in an uncomfortable position. He’d let you adjust but then he’ll be back to cradling you.

- He’s palm would be stroking your belly.

- “I can’t wait for our baby to come,” he’ll whisper in your ear and you know you’ve already fallen in love with this man but fuck it. You’re deeper in it so gluck.

- You’d let him kiss your face and you’d tell him how thankful you are that you’ve met him.

- Then he’s like ‘no IM thankful for YOU’ kind of shit.

- “You know… After giving birth…” You’ll trail off, making bucky wait in anticipation but he already knows what’s coming.

- “I would want to have your baby…” You’ll say shyly but bucky’s having none of that. He’ll be peppering kisses all over your face, almost crying in joy at the words you just said.

- “I fucking love you. I love you more than you’ll ever know.” He’ll stare at you and you’ll stare right back at him.

- “Marry me.” He’ll say suddenly.

- Bucky almost feels guilty when you start to cry but you assure him that those were tears of joy and you’d just keep nodding your head.

- “Yes, I’ll marry you!” You’d share a kiss before going back to cuddling.

- Bucky would be watching you as you doze off and he’ll be admiring you as you start to fall asleep.

- “I love you,” he’ll say before he lets his cheeks fall on the top of your head.

- “I love you too, bucky,”bucky’s heart melts at your sleepy voice as he sleeps peacefully which he was only able to do when he’s with you.

- Bucky would be proud of himself for being able to orchestrate everything and he’s not even guilty about it because, in the end, he was able to have you.

- And soon enough, you’ll be having a big family with him. He’ll make sure of that.

----

an: i think i fucked up at some point lol sorry

taglist

General: @readermia @unlikelygalaxygiver @xoxabs88xox @anncutamarica @chaoticfiretaconerd @i-love-superhero @caffiend-queen @coconutqueen21 @jtargaryen18 @jennmurawski13 @mushyjellybeans @ninjabucky @evnscvll @buckstaybucky @donutloverxo @rebloggingeverything @adriannajackson @la-cey @awaywithtime @gotnofucks @littlegasps

Bucky Fics: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123

Chris and seb: @harrysthiccthighss

Marvel: @jemzeraion

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes/reader #bucky barnes smut #dark fic #dark bucky barnes x reader #dark!fic #dark!bucky barnes x reader #pregnant!reader #headcanon #bucky barnes headcanon

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marshmallowprotection · 2 years

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hey kait do you mind if just. go insane over here.

like, you see, i hate getting into arguments/drama/conflict. i hate it so much it causes me physical discomfort. it's horrible, really, like my heart clenches and breathing gets ejsjsksm (idk how to explain) and i start crying and i feel so terribly upset and icky for the rest of the day. its insane. and yet i still somehow manage to always, ALWAYS, get into it (more like i start it tbh but hcndbd) and it's always SO BAD. and the worst part is that right now, it's shipping discourse. SHIPPING DISCOURSE. can you believe this? this is like, the low of the low. jesus christ. i am actually feeling like shit over shipping discourse oh my god. and it's on TWO (2) social media platforms, as if it couldn't get any worse. now obviously i can't retreat, i have entirely too much pride for that, like that would be super embarrassing. i would rather get death threats, on god. so instead i settle for feeling like shit and also getting called crazy by other ppl. but anyways the whole thing is theres this ship in a fandom i rlly like and it's a pretty popular ship, every time those characters get any kind of content together everyone agrees that they're gay, you know? but i hate that ship and it feels creepy as hell to me. bc the characters met when one of them was 14 and the other 17 and they're currently 19 and 22. and i think that shipping them is weird bc one of them has been an adult for a while now and the other is just now becoming one, and like, the idea of the an adult catching feelings for a teenager they've known for a while right after they become legal has very groomy creepy vibes to it. i thought that this was something everyone agreed with. so i said it. but it turns out im wrong. and now ppl are telling me that "ppl can fall in love at any age" "they're both adults so it doesn't matter" and "they're almost canon anyways" like i dont care! i dont care. i dont give a single fuck your ship still sucks ass. and like clearly you can tell im not planning to change my mind anytime soon (bc i dont have to! im right!! jesus could come from heaven to tell me its okay and i would still say it isn't!!!!! bc it isn't!!!!!!!) but im also lowkey beginning to feel like im crazy? idk bro im exhausted

sorry for the huge rant i've been frustrated the whole day 😭 honestly even sending this is making me cry again bc im now paranoid that everyone is gonna disagree lol 😂

GE Saeran is always your rock. When you start to even show a hint of being distressed, he springs into action. He asks you if you want to be held and if you confirm that that is what you want, he's happy to put his arms around you with a sigh. You can have faith in him if you have nothing else.

He'll press lips against your forehead and murmur sweet nothings until you know, without a doubt, that you're going to be okay by the morning. "That's right, my love. Slow down, take a big breath, and remember that you're safe with me. If you need to cry, I will hold you until your tears stop."

Jaehee can be anxious when it comes to knowing what she can do for the people she cares about. She knows the natural do-good and can make sure that you've got water, blankets, and a cozy place to sit in the dark. She may not know what to say but she knows what will help physically.

Her ideal way of comforting you comes down to sitting side by side in the living room, curtains drawn back, sharing drinks, watching your favorite movie, and just talking about whatever feels right at that very moment. "I know it's not the best feeling in the world, but I'm here to listen if you want to talk. I don't have anywhere to be and I'd love to have my night spent making you feel safe."

#marmar shii #drabble #ask #mod kait

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failedaned · 2 years

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I have a plan. I'm gonna go to the bathroom the beginning of every lunch and just chill there for a little while my friends get their food because if i don't come in with the i don't usually grab food and my friends usually grab me carrots since they know how much i love veggies- UHM anyway i won't eat in the mornings, just coffee or green tea. After school is the hardest for me, i always end up snacking i something. So I'll just take a shower and drink water and depending on my mom i will eat dinner or something small I'll probably eat just dinner the nights before my test so tomorrow I'll have just dinner but nothing else 👍. The only snacks i can have for now are veggies and fruits nothing more. for dinner will be majority veggies. So if i feel like binging, which is always gonna happen at the beginning and will be hard to control I'll eat celery and tomatoes and carrots (or/and) there can be other veggies too but no fruit because i dont want binge on something that can cause weight gain because if the sugar if you have too much but for the most part I'll control myself and not eat. At school if my friends say anything I'll eat fruits and veggies, I'll eat them first since I'm always the last one done anyway I'll just throw the rest away and they'll think it just because they already finished and it's not like u didn't eat anything (this will mostly be at break since i have that plan for lunch^) for distraction, i only have to find something for 4-7 because i lose appetite around 7 which is probably because i usually get ready for bed around that time and i don't eat before bed and my body is used to that routine so i don't eat. I could do homework, sketching, Plan out my outfits, clean, it has to be something more than just a movie because i like to eat while watching tv so my body will think about food so i need something else with that like scrolling through Pinterest/IG or watching something on my laptop too. I do have to study for my permit and my SAT so i will do that, ride my skateboard, play my guitar or violin (once i learn to tune the dang thing lol), self care stuff and that's al i can think of. (Djjeys my mom's being a selfish little mmph right now and yelling at my selfish but more likeable (not that I'm any better lol) little brother cussing and shit and it's literally making me shake with anxiety (every time and it's kind of annoying) like i really hate when she does this and then goes on acting like she's a good mother and good role model who loves and cares for her children blaming others for why they cuss and why they're so fucked up and acting all innocent and like a victim like my gosh if she weren't my motherwjejhe but she's the type of person, the type of personality that i hate, she's a homophobic judging little mmph...sometimes i can't stand her but it is what it is and also I'll be out of here soon enough, just gotta get my permit and i have a summer job already of course it doesn't start till summer but I'm hired just have to get my permit and permission to drive to work and have a reliable source of transportation lol I'll be using my mom's car since obviously i dont have one and she won't need it since it's a pretty late job and she doesn't go anywhere but i really can't wait to go it'll be hot but it'll be worth it, i might also get a second job since this one is a few time a month, when they have concerts. So I'll just take the bus to the other one.) (Oh also, since she's my mom i do gotta say i love her i just strongly dislike her personality and all that...she is one of the causes of my Ed anyway( actually she's the drop of my current relapse lol) Sorry for the rant lol but I WILL succeed and I WILL lose weight. I will be happy.

#just ed stuff #tw eating things #4na #tw ana thoughts #skinnnny #E

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enbyblades · 3 years

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ok so my roommate and i were talking about starop bc i love dragging her into my bullshit...but also its her own fault for asking why i ship them jsdlafsf but anyway we came up with some good angsty content

so anyway to be honest we were detailing a potential animatic jashdlasfjsf but it kinda led to us talking about the story potential of having this cross faction romance and all that like parallels between characters; theyre in a fight and somehow starscream winds up fighting against optimus and he fires a missile at him but misses a little too intentionally and megatron notices and like squints his eyes and gives starscream shit about it later of course bc hes suspicious and tells soundwave to keep a closer eye on him,,,,

whereas ratchet, in a separate battle, starscream gets shot down by one of the other autobots and optimus just freezes and he wants to run to star and make sure hes ok and it shows on his face and his body language and ratchets pieced things together at this point, he knows Smthn is going on between those two, cuz hes perceptive and he just,, nods at optimus and turns the other way, off to help the others...he pretends he does not see it.

and knockout knows, hes still a bitch but he and starscream have smthn of a mutual respect for one another, mostly bc breakdown acts as knockouts conscience ajsdhlsff, so while he teases star like “have fun with your boy toy, screamer? ‘,:)” he still like covers for him when megatron is wondering where he is and hes off with optimus.

but the SPICY parts, so starscream kidnaps bumblebee and fucks him up a good deal, probably as a desperate attempt to get megatron off his back a little, and when optimus and maybe someone else arrives to save him, star grabs bee in a chokehold with his gun pointed at his head and optimus of course is horrified and trying to talk him down telling him he doesnt have to do this and wondering whY hes doing this, and starscream shoots bumblebee in the torso, not killing him but yknow, hes gonna be out for the count for a hot minute, and flees the scene

so they dont see eachother for a while, they stop having their secret meetings bc optimus is hurt and starscream is in his own emotional turmoil over the situation. before optimus can figure out how he wants to handle the situation, he gets a complaint from fowler whos like “WHY is this goddamn jet ATTACKING random truckers???” bc starscream, ever so smooth, decided the best way to get ops attention was to. tackle him in alt mode apparently. ratchet gives him a look and says “looks like someones trying to get ur attention...” and optimus decides hell try to find star in their usual meeting place. ratchet of course is like, long suffering sigh “i cant stop you optimus...i just hope you know what youre doing. be careful.”

so they meet and starscream tries to act like everything is normal but of course optimus has to address the elephant in the room, and starscream is like “i thought we agreed to not talk about war and factions when we meet..” and optimus is like “starscream, you grievously injured bumblebee. you know why we have to talk about this” it becomes pretty heated, mostly bc starscream is explaining himself and is frustrated at the world and their situation and is ranting. he apologizes and clearly regrets what he did, and optimus, having the spark of a saint, forgives him tho hes still hurt. starscreams still VERY distressed though. they have This exchange:

“starscream...please. come back with me... you wont feel like you have to hurt my friends anymore. we wont have to sneak out in secret...”

“how many times do i have to tell you i CANT optimus! megatron would KILL me!” (he used to claim that he cant abandon this cause hes worked so hard for, but hes since come to realize the original ideas the decepticons were fighting for have been lost to megatrons batshittery.)

“we would protect you-”

“oh, like you protected CLIFFJUMPER?”

his eyes widen as he immediately realizes how royally hes just fucked up, and he can see it in optimus face that hes barely holding back a whole slew of hurt, disappointment, anger. it hurts twice as bad bc we all know WHO killed cliff, but also bc optimus no doubt has that leader complex that causes him to feel like cliffs death was his fault bc he couldnt lead them well enough to prevent it, and STAR knows this, and optimus Knows that star knows this, and its just..OOF. so optimus holds it in.

“o-optimus, i- im sorry, i didnt-”

“starscream....i cannot abandon my family. so you need to pick a side....and if it is not removed from the decepticons...i dont think it is healthy for us to keep this up.”

“optimus wAIT-”

but hes already transformed and is driving away.

again time passes, i havent thought this part all the way thru yet, but eventually they meet again somehow and starscream apologizes (again) PROFUSELY, and optimus, in his infinite patience, forgives him again. they meet in their secret place, and its a pleasant normal meeting, but what optimus said is still very much an issue that needs to be addressed, and its lingering. starscream apologizes again for what he said about cliffjumper, and says smthn along the lines of “if anyone could protect me, not that i NEED protection, mind you......id trust you to be able to.”

“then come back with me...”

he looks conflicted. he wants to go so bad, but....

“we’ll see.”

they kiss and part ways. optimus drives off, but when starscream turns around hes face to face with lazerbeak. soundwave comes out of his hiding place.

“scrap...”

he doesnt bother trying to come up with a lie. he knows it wont get him anywhere. soundwave heard enough, and no doubt recorded it. so instead he pleads with soundwave not to say anything. he promises he wont betray the decepticon cause, he hasnt given the autobots any information and he doesnt plan to, just PLEASE dont say anything.

soundwave doesnt say a word. he opens a groundbridge and gestures for starscream to walk through first.

and the next part also isnt totally fleshed out but i imagine he doesnt feel like he has much of a choice, so he walks through and has to face whatever megatron has in store for him unless he manages to escape somehow. whether he gets out on his own volition or is thrown off the ship by megatron is still up in the air, but the ensuing fallout of soundwave finding out and telling megs is what finally pushes starscream to abandon the decepticons for good.

ANYWAY. YEA. ANGST.

#starop #tfp #man im feeling so many things #tf #yeah #good morning im cringey

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