#sorry for all the tags i guess i just want someone to either validate me or knock some sense into me
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Real Conversation Prompts
Compiled a list of various things that have been said by myself and friends either irl or online and turned them into this silly little prompt list that’s mostly just humorous or general but has some fluffy and potentially angsty ones as well if you wanna take them that way. Feel free to use however you like and also to tag me in anything if you want because it would be fun to see my conversations with friends recontextualised. Have fun!
"You always being in my life is gift enough"
"I just wanna hug [them] forever"
"Baby, I'm so proud of you!"
"Just me, huh?" "Just you."
"I miss you, come back"
"I can't wait to see you"
"You're adorable"
"I wanna marry [them]"
"I support you in whatever decision you make"
"Every time I think about you my heart goes all fluttery"
"It feels like torture, but I don't want it to stop"
"You're a godsend and I adore you"
"I never want to leave"
"Get on your knees"
"They can't keep us apart"
"I feel like a monster"
"If I don't, then who will?"
"Don't do this to me"
"It's called being soulmates, bitch"
"You're not just a snack, you're a whole damn picnic"
"Hush with your valid arguments"
"Rain can suck my ass"
"I'm gonna start eating people if I don't get food soon"
"I'm ready to simp"
"You can murder, if you like, it's chill"
"I am gay and I love drama"
"No joke, I will cut a bitch for you"
"Okay fuck this, fuck it right to hell!"
"Babe, I am going to scream"
"I take payment through love"
"She's a goddess. And a villain." "So just my type then?"
"Thanks for the trauma"
"I wanna pour bleach onto my brain"
"Laptops can sense fear don't you know?"
"Interesting 3am impulse you had there"
"That ass is keeping me going through this sickness"
"Honey… that's illegal." "well no one has to know…"
"Everyone go away, no one perceive me please"
"I swear I hate [them] more with every word"
"Why is war always [their] answer?"
"God, go get therapy and embrace your emotions, damn."
"I may have gone and done something slightly insane"
"I have some questions about your sleep schedule, ma'am"
"We all had our emo phase and he is our emo dream boy"
"I’m marrying that sweet son of a bitch"
"Chaos is my main personality trait"
"How do you even manage that?"
"Send. Pic. Of. Dog. Now."
"Everyone else is just gonna have to live with my decisions"
"But darling, why would I stop when it gets me what I want?"
"I love you too, but please go to bed"
"Can I fuck [them] over to the good side?"
"I am a [woman] of many talents"
"I personally think I'm hilarious, but no one appreciates me"
"You know I'm illiterate"
"Guess whose been a dumbass again"
"Karma can fuck off, I want a refund"
"I make it my mission to ace every rainbow road to assert my dominance"
"Expect that in 6-8 business months"
"I don't know why, but I'm not really up to taking that sort of advice from you"
"You’re meant to be the nice one"
"What the ever-loving fuck happened?"
"I've lost control"
"Don't you dare." "I'm gonna do a thing. You can't stop me"
"I could sleep but at what cost?"
"I am not dramatic. I am sensible. I could fall and DIE [name]. DIE. Do you want me to die? Do you?"
"My leg has gone dead. Cut it off, it's no use to me now"
"Bitch, don't laugh at me! …I'm sorry. You're not a bitch. I love you"
"That did not occur to me…"
"Wisdom teeth can honestly fuck the fuck off"
"Are you gonna be done soon or what?"
"Who will triumph? Common sense or my impulsive dumbassery?"
"I'm so incredibly unhappy with this development"
"My problem is I'm a nosy bitch"
"It's 11:11, make a wish" "I wish I was dead"
"Don't laugh about my misery"
"'Twas an angstier time"
"You ever just want to go back in time 258 years and beat the shit out of someone?"
"I don't know who I am"
*proposes with a Haribo ring over snapchat*
"I'm getting this 'fuck you' in early"
"Self care ain't always pretty"
"Guess who's about to decapitate Santa?"
"Goddamnit, how did we end up here?"
"Look, I'm dying"
"It's coming for me, I know it"
"Time to sell my kidney"
"I wanna burn a house down- I mean what?"
"What else are friends for if not providing alibis for murder?"
"Do it" "fine, but I'm making you pay for my therapy"
#prompts#writing prompts#fic prompts#prompt list#writing stuff#fluff prompts#most of these are silly because my friends and I are silly
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Heya!! It’s me again, lol.
I’m curious (so I’m just gonna throw these questions at you); are there any changes or directions you would like to see regarding Batman, Joker, and/or Batjokes in the mainline comics?
What are some aspects about Batman and Joker that you feel are ignored or neglected by writers, if at all? (Is that even a reasonable question to ask? I’m always so worried I’m missing the point. These characters are so complex, which is great, that’s a reason why I love them, but the complexity muddles my brain at times and I’m not sure of what questions to ask and if they are valid in the first place).
Actually! That’s a perfect transition to this:
When writing Batman and Joker, what are some key things to consider regarding their individual traits and of their relationship?
I’m so sorry for the interview-esque ask. Not trying to shove questions down your throat! I hope that you’re doing well, please take care.
Hey!! First of all, thank you for the ask, and for all the kind words you always leave in my tags. I'm baffled at the support and I'm really glad you enjoy my rambles. All the love to you <3
Since these are three questions, my answer did end up long, so I will put it under the cut.
As to the first question... uh. That's complicated, I guess. I am quite disillusioned with DC as a whole, so even though I have specific storylines I would like to see, I wouldn't trust them to get them right. However, to be fair, it's not entirely their fault. It's the nature of the medium too. I might want to see a story in which Bruce actually and genuinely gets to heal from his trauma, but that will never be the end. Batman's too popular for that. Like Sysiphus, he'll have to exist again and again, in countless versions and universes. He'll be reinvented and revived until there's no more interest, probably -- and it's the same with Joker. That said, there are stories I would like to see. I feel like Batman Who Laughs was such a missed opportunity for a genuinely cool psychological story, for instance. That whole chemical thing was a cop-out, when we could've gotten Bruce killing someone either by accident or by losing control in some way (sort of like TWOJAR but without anyone stopping him and with more... in-character circumstances). Then, it would've been so interesting to see Bruce's psyche break down to the point of him killing Joker, and becoming the villain he always feared turning into. As to Joker, I'd give a kidney for a genuinely nuanced story about him facing his past, because his character is literally defined by running away from it. You've got Going Sane and White Knight as variations on 'hey what if Joker became sane' but they're not at all what I mean. In Going Sane, Joker simply fabricated and assumed a different identity -- he doesn't deal with his memories or his former self in any way. And do not get me started on White Knight, because I hate the idea of some pills just erasing Joker's so-called 'insanity' and with it, his love for Batman. Those pills basically turn him straight for Harley. Yeah that's a great way to imply gay love is obsessive and turns you insane, thank you DC. To be honest I'm pretty sure DC will try... something with Joker's former family at some point, because they had Jeannie and Joker's son be alive in The Three Jokers (which I also hated). And thing is, it could be an interesting story! But I'm like 90% sure it'll suck, because they treat Joker like a one-dimensional evil cardboard cut-out of himself these days. (I did actually start writing a story about Joker more realistically facing his past myself, in Falls the Shadow. Be the change you want to see in the world, I guess.) And when it comes to Batjokes... a story where they team up would be cool. Like that Deadly Duo comic they were planning and that never panned out, apparently. Also, I'd just really find it funny if Joker got kidnapped by aliens or something in full view of the Justice League, and everyone's like "...Yeah, that's cool. It's fine. Him off planet is actually great." Meanwhile Bruce is like "It's a sacred human life! He has to be rescued! I'm going after him!" Basically him being just as stupidly incapable of letting Joker go as in Devil's Advocate, but to an even bigger scale :)) I just think it'd be hilarious to see Bruce dragging Joker back from some remote planet like something of his that got misplaced while everyone is facepalming.
The second question is a perfectly reasonable one to ask! Don't think you're missing the point in any way; and I fully agree these characters have so much history and are so complex it gets headache-inducing sometimes. Aspects of Batman and Joker that I feel are neglected or ignored... well, when it comes to Bruce, it bugs me that Bruce displays character development a bunch of times, but the next writer just bulldozes over it. Again, this is also due to the nature of comics as a medium, and everyone trying to put their own spin on the character, but still. It gets very frustrating. You're like, "Ah, he's finally self-aware about the bullshit he puts his kids through! He's trying to change! He's trying to prioritize his own happiness over his Vow for once!" and a couple of issues later it all gets undone. Sigh. Though for Joker it's a lot worse, I feel. What gets ignored and neglected when writing him is 100% his humanity. There's more than one comic showing more humane sides of him, outright spelling it out that he's not just the Evil Psychopath most fans are eager to believe him to be. But these sides of him -- having emotional breakdowns, not being able to find 'the joke', empathizing with children and trying to help an abused one, having so many comics imply he had a horrible childhood full of physical and even sexual abuse, having some sort of genuine affection for Harley -- are pretty much ignored in more recent depictions. He's just purely unapologetically 'evil', which takes away so much from a very complex and interesting character.
As to the third question, regarding writing Batman and Joker and what to keep in mind... uh. That's complicated, once again. Whenever I write for a fandom I basically bathe my brain in content until I feel I have a good grasp on the characters, and then I just write. They do the work themselves afterwards. Sometimes I might really want to explore something but then the characters won't let me. It's an unconscious thing for me that's hard to break down into components. But in general, there's one thing I believe is essential when writing Batman and Joker in any iteration, and that's the fact they're equals. Sometimes fan depictions of Joker... woobify him a bit too much, turn him into a desperate emotional mess only craving Batman's attention. This takes away from the balance of power between them, in my opinion. Not to say Joker isn't obsesed with Batman and vocal about it; but he's also spent decades fighting him and harming him. Him giving up his entire identity that he so effortfully created in order to deal with his trauma (which is half-Batman related, half entirely not) just for Bruce's romantic attentions feels OOC to me. Not to mention it gives Bruce too much power over him, and the guy has enough problems with that as it is. He doesn't need another person he can control, he needs someone who can withstand his controlling tendencies and fight him on them.
I hope you found my answers interesting! Thank you again for the interest, and no worries. Don't know if there'll ever be a time when I get asked to rant about Batman and I don't jump on it. Hope you're doing okay, and take care too!
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I'll try not to dump too much, also I hope you are doing well!! You help so many people, I hope you know how much good you've done :)
Sorry if this is too much or if it isn't something you want to answer. No pressure. Also could you tag this with "nightingale anon"? Thanks for your time and any advice :)
I grew up in foster care and there was a lot of shit that happened ranging from neglect to murder attempts and a bunch of stuff, and my adoptive mother I'm pretty sure is schizophrenic? And may or may not run a cult (it's complicated).
I have a friend that I've been getting closer with because we became roommates and she opened up about stuff and I did too, but after living together (2 other roommates too) for a few months she finally told me she doesn't like if I mention anything about my past and that she finds my life disturbing and extremely uncomfortable.
This happened after a series of miscommunication where I thought she wanted me to elaborate and she just would stare at me?? And she said that staring apparently is concern?? She also greatly misunderstood me coming out as ace (she talks a ton about her sexuality. She has little filter) and ended up comparing me to Jeffrey Dahmer because of it -_-
We've come to an "agreement" where I just w6ont mention anything personal or my life but she still overshare a ton. I know my experiences are pretty extreme compared to a life without trauma, but it sucks to have confirmation that I just.. can't talk to anyone about anything in my life because it's too disturbing or sad. So many things talk about having a support network but I literally cannot have one because even a tiny bit of stuff is too much and if I think I'm close to someone and try to talk (asking if they're okay with it first) they end up distancing from me because of it.
Is it bad that it kinda hurts? Like I guess sometimes it sucks being reminded that I'll never have actual friends (not acquaintances) or family or anything that other people seem to have. I know I should just accept that because of who I am and my life circumstances I'll never have a support network of any kind or even long lasting friends, but sometimes I'm not very good at accepting that.
I know ""everyone deserves family"" but with my life my experiences are so vastly different that i struggle to relate with anyone and no one has ever related to me, or wants to.
I also can't afford a therapist or anything. My job is online and because I graduated early (all online) there's no easy way of making friends either. I feel like I squandered any chance at making friends growing up because I focused too much on surviving.
Hi anon,
This sounds complicated and I’m sad for you.
First of all, you’re absolutely allowed to feel hurt. And if I can just be blunt, your roommate is being shitty. While it’s valid to have boundaries, I’m not a fan of when people make things unequal to that extreme.
It’s complicated because people are allowed to have boundaries, but try and be mindful that these don’t end up leaving the relationship “unfair”.
My friend and I were talking about this the other day where she knew someone who had hard boundaries and always looked out for herself and wouldn’t inconvenience herself for anyone. Not romantic partners, best friends or anyone. Which is super valid and her choice but the problem is she expected everyone else to go above and beyond for her. I think at that point, things become unfair. And that’s a similar impression to what I get here.
I struggle with making friends. I always have. Both my last two relationships were people I met online. (On Tumblr actually). And my friend of 12 years I just met for the first time in person last week (I met her on FanFiction.net originally and she got me into tumblr). What I’m trying to say is that I’ve been able to have fulfilling friendships online and found it easier to find people with similar interests. Before I met my friend of 12 years, I still found our friendship fulfilling and something I loved about my life. I also have a couple other online friends that I enjoy having relationships with. We send dog pics, and offer support.
It’s not easy, and some people end up disappointing, but I do think it’s possible to make friends.
It is allowed to hurt. And you are allowed to grieve for what you don’t have. You’re allowed to feel these things. These feelings are so valid. And I’m definitely not trying to tell you what to do but I don’t think it’s hopeless.
Could you try finding a support group online? Or even just a space to talk about your interests to meet other like minded people?
#nightingale anon#i'm sorry#this was in my drafts#apparently i was second guessing my response#april answers#tw cult#tw murder mention#tw foster care
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This isn’t a vent related to endos, but I wanted to go somewhere and you were the first to come to mind. You don’t have to post this either, I just… need a place to go and desperately. You don’t have to read it either, I just wanted a space to go to, I guess. I’m sorry.
I feel like a giant mistake and a failure as a human being. I view myself as a test subject and no one seems to understand the pain that comes with that, I’m a subject that’s always wrong. I feel like I’m always so upset when people say that we’re predictable because we can’t predict ourselves, we never know what’s happening or what’s going on. I feel like other people don’t want to be our friend because we don’t know ourselves or feel like we know a collective identity. There’s never anything solid there.
I want it all to end but u know it won’t and I feel so alone in a world full of people. Even when we’re with others, it’s a constant feeling of alone unless one person is there. And they aren’t here right now. I keep seeing disfigured shapes that always look like shadows and there’s a mist on the floor and I know it isn’t real but I can feel them staring, I can hear the sounds of the popping joints and I can see them turn to look at me like they see me before walking off.
It’s like a waking nightmare and I can’t get out of it. I feel like I’m stuck in an in-between. I’m trying to mask to focus on our blog and answering asks and making sure that the community there is okay, but it’s so hard. The rooms and house don’t feel real. I’m here but I’m not here and it’s so painful. I can see but I can’t see at the same time.
I don’t want to make things about me when other people are in pain and I’m scared to ask for help so I shove it down completely. I don’t know what to do about it anymore and I want someone that’s safe besides our partner to go to. I don’t know what it is anymore.
I feel like a child. I feel so lost and scared. I feel like I wondered in childish glee and now I’m in a waking nightmare with creatures that don’t hurt me but know my pain and can’t do anything about it. They feel so real and I feel so bad but they’re horrifying. I just want to be home. I want to be normal.
I want to stop seeing and hearing things. I’m desperate to have someone with me. I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m so afraid.
And I look perfectly fine to the outside world but I’m dying inside. I feel trapped in a cage and I can’t get out.
We've spent a few days trying to best figure out how to respond to this. And it's why we're not tagging this with anything other than for endos to not interact because this is something that you will hopefully find
You are not a failure or a mistake, you are a wonderful creature that this world needs more than anything. It's okay to not have a solid identity or to be unpredictable, even without a system that happens. There's nothing wrong with that. It can be stressful but your not bad. And even if no one else wants to be, we'd love to be your friend.
Please, don't go. Stay. Even if it doesn't seem like it, you are so loved and cared about. Your life has so much waiting, it just takes some time but you'll get to a point you'll look back on now and be so proud of how far you've gotten. Even if that person isn't there, even just pretending they are can help. Please keep going. Those happen, seeing things. We see things sometimes that aren't there. Hear things too. That doesn't make you wrong or a mistake, it just means that yeah there's a potential issue but you are not the issue.
Hey your pain is so real and valid. We don't care, come to us. We'll listen. Hell DM us and we'll listen and give you an ear, a shoulder, anything you need. Talk about what's going on, don't try and bottle it in. It won't help any, it'll only hurt.
It's okay to think they're horrifying, that doesn't make you bad or wrong. Your going through a hellish situation that hurts. Your gonna get to be home, even if your home is a person. Normal isn't even really a thing, and even if it is, there's nothing wrong with being different. Your normal in your own way.
Please, go see a doctor, a therapist, anyone. They can help stop your hallucinations. You don't have to say your a system, they don't need to know that. But you can tell them about the hallucinations, they can help.
We get that, you can make a key though. There's always a key you can make, you can do this. Just please.
Even though it hurts, keep going. Keep trying. Push through this. Survive even through this pain.
We are here for you. Dm's, asks, anything. Please, just stay alive, even if it's hard.
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just a random guy who really loves your art. i noticed you made the cute doodle asking peeps to reblog your art and i just wanted to share why i dont? i really love your art and i absolutely wanna reblog it but im a songxue shipper and lowkey you seem kinda grossed out by that ship. which is totally oki, i know its not everyones cup of tea, but sometimes it seems like you'd be offended if a shipper reblogged your art i guess? and i dont rlly wanna bug you, i love your art and i adore your content. i think your likes and dislikes are valid as hell and you're totally allowed to have them. i just wanted to say that i do want to rb your stuff and i do love your stuff and im sorry im not supporting your art in that way, i just really didnt want to cross your boundaries. thank you for sharing your art and drawing so much of the guys (they're my blorbos, thats why i ship them and you're basically the only person who draws them ic imo). you're a wonderful artist and your art regularly impresses the hell out of me. your sense of humor, expressiveness, color pallet, creativity, and just plain Skill are all so freaking amazing and you deserve accolades. im sorry for being a weirdo who likes one of your squick ships but your art is fabulous. maybe i'll make a sideblog where i hide my ship tendencies and just rb you a lot there, you deserve the support :)
hey now,,, this is very sweet lkdhlkh and i really appreciate it + am glad you enjoy my art so much and think it's in character LOL i know i make things that are completely silly and absurd so it fascinates me (in a good way) that it's still seen as in character
also thank you so much for reaching out, i've been having a really rough time (depression! YAY) and honestly didn't expect anyone to say anything ;; (which is totally fine, people don't need to say anything! but it feels really good to be acknowledged)
i guess i'll take this as an opportunity to address this in general! i don't mind if people ship something i don't like/a notp as long as they're not making me engage with it, i don't track people down at gunpoint like HEY SHIPPER SAW YOU TOUCHED MY ART! no! all i ask is people don't /tag/ my art as whatever if i don't want it tagged as such (and don't ramble on about ship ideas in there either lol please), but i'm making an effort to make that obvious in the body of the post itself :) lots of my friends/followers ship things i don't and we coexist just fine!
but as for your ship, i've made mention to it a few times i think that it doesn't really bother me that much! in fact, the more i draw them together, the more chill i am with people taking away whichever kind of interactions they want from my art of them! they're my blorbos too and i love drawing them together, and although sometimes i am explicit about not wanting them tagged as a ship (so like, if they're drawn as family, xy is a child and sl is not for instance, lol), and sometimes i wish not everything were seen as shippy, it's very unreasonable i think for me to expect people not to see it that way. does that make sense? that's why someone requested i tag it a certain way so they wouldn't have to see it anyway OTL
anyway, you're totally fine! if you want to reblog it go right ahead, and if you wanna slap that tag on it, go ahead too (WITHIN REASON, see above). it's the other ostensibly more popular xue yang ship that i'd rather not get wrapped up in, haha
don't hide who you are! don't try and bottle things up for the sake of making someone else feel better. i've been doing that for too long and regret it immensely. maybe this year i'll finally put that to rest too
#the big secret here is that mostly any negative reaction to it i have is when it feels Mean#i cannot stand people being Mean to song lan that is my man#songxue#for blacklist ily shin mwah mwah#shin dont look
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Please tag this as "Beck" so I can find it. I'm looking for... another perspective, mostly?
tw discussions of csa, cocsa, sa in general, sexual harassment
so, im 15, and I don't know what "counts" as sexual assault. I have this thing I think a lot when people refer to certain things (basically anything that's not rape or attempted rape) as sexual assault where my knee-jerk reaction is to think (but i would NEVER say this to anyone) "oh, but that's not assault, it's 'just' harassment". and I've never really understood why I felt that way--I thought it was some misogynistic society bullshit--until very recently, when I realized the reason is because if XYZ thing counts as SA, then I've been sexually assaulted.
somehow it's easier for me to comprehend that it was "just" harassment. but basically, there's three incidents that stick out: one when I was 12 and 13, where my friend would repeatedly make sexual comments about me (and even once took off her shirt) and say i probably "liked it" because I was a bisexual girl (note i am transmasc now but at the time was girlmode). those ones are "just" harassment I think but they still really bother me. another when i was 13 when my different friend would 1) talk about how hot/sexy/etc she thought I was, unsolicited, and how she wanted to fuck me. at the time I thought I was okay with it, but looking back it was really only because all my other peers called me ugly all the time so I craved that validation. im pretty sure it made me uncomfortable even if I didn't quite realize. more pressingly, though, once at a party she tried to kiss me without my permission, almost succeeded, and I had to push her off me. everyone laughed, so I did too, treating it like a joke, and then i did kiss her afterward, but I think it was only because she wanted me to and I felt like I'd be "ruining the joke" if i didn't let her. I don't know if that's assault or not, since at the time I kind of thought it was OK bc it was for the bit or whatever. third, when I was 14, my aunt and mom got drunk when I was around. as i went to leave the room, my aunt slapped my ass, and I felt EXTRAORDINARILY uncomfortable, but when I tried to yell at her, she and my mom told me "if your aunt wants to touch you, she can touch you!! respect her!!". that's not the only time she's done that but it's the one I most clearly remember. I really don't know what that is, cause even though it's a clear violation of my boundaries in a place you can be touched sexually, it's not like she was? doing it? for sexual reasons? but at the same time if one of my cis male peers came up to me and slapped my ass with the same joke behind it, same response to my anger, and same brush off affect, I'd almost certainly call it assault, even if THEY weren't actually attracted to me either.
i don't know. I guess i just want someone to tell me what any of that "counts" as, or even just what sexual assault and sexual harassment ARE in general. it's not like anyone raped me. I have a friend whose gone through absolutely God awful sexual trauma, too, at a much younger age and much higher severity and frequency, so I really feel like whatever happened to me isn't that bad a deal, even though it does like distress me and stuff to think about.
-Beck (he/him)
Hi Beck,
I'm so sorry about what you've been through.
Please know that it's considered sexual harassment for someone to repeatedly make sexual comments towards you and insist that you like it. This is similar to catcalling, which is another form of sexual harassment. Someone making moves on you without your consent, including forced kissing, is also considered sexual harassment, and can even be considered sexual assault.
Someone slapping your ass without your consent can also be considered sexual assault, and I'm appalled that your mom defended your aunt's actions. It's a very twisted line of logic because it doesn't take into account respecting your boundaries and your body. If you don't want to be touched, there is nothing wrong with that and it's not disrespectful to set boundaries like that. I think that even if your aunt didn't necessarily have sexual intentions behind her action, your ass is still a private area and it's still assault to be touched without your consent. I have additional terms and definitions here.
It's important not to compare your experiences to others. As someone who was also told "it's not like you were raped", being raped is not The Ultimate Trauma and should never be used to minimize other trauma. Just because you weren't raped, and thank god you weren't, doesn't mean that the experiences you do have don't matter. Your experiences and feelings about them are valid. Comparing yourself to others you feel have gone through worse doesn't help you process or heal from your own experiences.
Trauma is not measured by what happened, because we all deal with it differently. Some people can go through something you may consider traumatic and be fine, while others may develop complex trauma disorders from the same event. That's because we all have different factors that affect our resiliency, such as genetics, environment, preexisting conditions, a history of trauma, tenacity, and more. This is why trauma is too subjective to be quantified by objective events, and rather by the way we process them mentally.
I'm not sure if your mom would be receptive, but it may be worthwhile to seek out a mental health professional such as a therapist, if you can access or afford it. A therapist could help you process your experiences and feelings surrounding them, equipping you with coping mechanisms to aid you on your healing journey.
I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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in regards to this poll, sksk, i am sorry for teh lack of follow-up for this. i got busy with uni and all that jazz.
safe to say, i wish i was surprised with the winning option but i'm not. but some ppl reblogged it with tags that have points that somewhat opposes the winner. i guess ppl can check it out in the notes.
as in, yeah, it's valid to want feedback. but what if most readers don't have time for that? and i think most ppl *would* reblog writing pieces if they didn't have this pressure to say something. but a reblog with no feedback is sorta better than the reader not interacting with it in anyway at all. just saying.
and the reasons i didn't add 'i hate it' is because. . . i felt it would have sounded too whinny. i mean if the reblogger is already interacting with the post, imo, it isn't a problem. i know i picked the least picked options, lmao.
i guess this is one of those controversional topics thta can't be simply solved. idk, i know i'm in the 'wait a while to send feedback' and 'as long as it's boosted, i don't mind' lane.
but as someone, who's been inactive, i try to reblog and send feedback whenever. but sometimes, i don't have the energy and just hit the rb button, regardless. i feel like that's majority of the users on writeblr. well, those who read and rb stuff, anyway. the rest. . . idk. needless to say, it feels like ppl get more busy and they don't get chances to reblog and put feedback as well. so, they choose to boost the post.
no offense, i feel like the posts that say 'reblog and leave feedback' tend to not acknowledge how ppl might not have energy or spoons to put a comment in the rb. or they have a complicated schedule. there are probably many reasons why ppl just lurk, like the post, and never rb it. maybe they're just. . . busy. i know this is a controversal-ish statement but yeh.
don't get me wrong as a writer, i do appreciate it whenever i get a comment. but as someone who's also a reader, it can be a bit of a hassle to leave any. like, i posted a lot of writing pieces but i have followers that are more than that. and my safest assumption, 99% of the time, it has low notes is because they barely have time to read it. or i post it in hours they can't see it. either way, i mostly stopped worrying bc i don't mind. i get it and accepted it, eventually.
and lbr, i'm sure most of us writers, who are also readers, barely tend to reblog other's works bc we're busy. it's a sad thing to admit but it's a fact.
that's my over-all input, anyways. *shrugs*
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it’s so confusing to me and i’m trying to educate myself but i get so much backlash when i ask and i get it no one owes someone to help educate them but then they ask why people aren’t educated on a subject it’s like no one will explain
how can you identify as a man and still want to be pregnant? does that not go against your gender identity? i understand some people can’t afford bottom surgery but wouldn’t getting pregnant as a trans male go against who you are considering giving birth is well a women or i guess nb thing?
im not trying to be hateful or rude i’m just curious and trying to learn
Hi anon,
I am not a trans man, so I may not be the best person to address this. I know there are trans men following me, but currently none has this information in their bio, so I will not be tagging them. They can interact with this post if they’d like to.
I will put the rest under the cut, because it's a sensitive topic and some people may not want to read it. I will also tag your ask with warnings, even though I understand you are just curious. Don't take it the wrong way, it is just to avoid dysphoria in people who'd rather not read this.
My advice would be to either google this (quora and reddit has plenty of threads like that) or ask a trans man directly.
I can provide my opinion as a person who isn't cis, but I don't see myself as a man either.
So.
In my opinion, genitals are not something that define you or your gender identity. A trans man may chose to undergo full surgical transition or may stay in the body they were born in and not even go on hormonal treatment. Trans men who aren't on T or who don't bind are just as much men and as valid as the rest of the male identifying community.
I believe this is the first thing you, anon, need to understand. Genitals do not equal gender. Not all trans people want to change their bodies and their genitals. Not only is this a painful, long and expensive process, it is also a risky one and sometimes it's just something that's not desired by the person in question.
I personally am not happy in my current body, I find it too feminine and gross, but it brings me great joy to think there are trans and nb folks out there who don't experience that. I don't identify with they/them pronouns, I go by she/he but am AFAB. For that reason, consuming trans men media (reading, writing, art, porn) feels very euphoric to me. I don't always relate to them, I wouldnt want to be viewed as strictly a man (I like both), but my anatomy relates closer to trans men than it does to trans women or cis women. It makes me feel happy to write trans male characters, simply put.
A man with a vagina or a woman with a penis is perfectly valid.
People who are born with a uterus can choose to use it and I don't think the desire to have biological children invalidates their gender identity. This mentality that pregnancy is a women-unique experience is a social construct and nothing more.
If you want to understand the trans and nb community, you must first understand that nothing in this world belong strictly to one gender only. Anyone can wear suits. Anyone can wear dresses and heels. Anyone can have a penis. Anyone can be pregnant.
Pregnancy for me is something extremely dysphoric. Even before I realised I am not cis, I have had extreme reservations about it. If I ever become pregnant, I would consider myself a pregnant man cause the mentality that I am a pregnant woman would be too damaging for me.
So to wrap it up, this is not a trans man talking, but a genderfluid person. You, anon, need to get rid of this 'x is a women's thing and y is a men' thing' mentality. Or that the state of one's body and their organs and genitals define them. Gender roles are a social construct and a very harmful one.
If anything in this post is factually incorrect or transphobic, please feel free to point it out to me. I too am still learning and always willing to be pointed out where my obnoxiousness or privilege is showing. Similarly, if I missed a tag - let me know asap!
Lastly, I'd like people to not comment on the personal things I described here. If you know me a bit better (aka if we talked one to one on discord), then feel free to message me, but otherwise I am sorry, but I don't care what people think of my personal experiences.
#roc answers#personal#tw dysphoria#tw transphobia#tw trans pregnancy#trans men#trans pregnancy#trans experience#genderfluid#nb#tw pregnancy#tw transitions
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Tl:dr... People online can convince themselves of Literally Anything. Even that Aziraphale is *straight*. Which is seriously unfathomable to me.
So, I was watching a clipshow last night about these two on YouTube, and some clearly deluded individual who is obviously an incompetent thinker showed up in the comments to complain that Aziraphale is Not Gay, because he was "not written as such in the book", blah blah blah angels aren't built that way (though he didn't make the same claim for Crowley because, I guess, demon? Doesn't that kind of undermine your point, my man? Because he specifically says in his post that he *does* believe Crowley is in love with Zira).
1. Though I haven't finished reading the book yet, I understand this interpretation is false, or at least kind of open to various interpretations? Which, whatever, people get what they get out of books... or anything for that matter, I guess... And I'm coming to understand from a few posts on here that there's been a lot of back-and-forthing from Neil/Terry on the subject over the years, and thus some people are pissed off about their interpretations from earlier being messed with or whatever?
I definitely understand that, as a person on the ace spectrum. But at the same time, I'm not exclusionary in my thinking, so IMO things can be mutually true at the same time, and don't have to cancel each other out... but that's another discussion.
I also get the annoyance over authorial waffling, and clinging to things you've loved in the past when they're being altered... but that stuff usually doesn't bother me because of the time span involved and the changes in culture; but also because a lot of answers can be both-and, not either/or... especially with characters like these. I'm just happy to have them in a new interpretation wherein I can Feast Greedily upon them and find myself represented in ten different ways. So
Codicil A: I'm sorry if you don't feel represented anymore by these characters, my dude, but frankly, you have enough of those already, and we don't have very many, so shut up and get back in your lane.
Summary 1: let's just be real, here. They're Neil's character, and he's writing them for the show the way he is now for a reason, so your argument is already pretty much not valid, bro.
Obvs there were so many replies to make to that that I couldn't even figure out how to respond to it, LOL. Luckily a lot of people beat me there. But;
Codicil B: I repeat. That book was written 30 years ago, and things have changed a lot. Neil has been writing the show, so you'd think that he knows what he wants to do with his characters. Also, if you're complaining about it based on novel purity... they are two different enterprises, so what even is your point in the first place?
2. More importantly, the fact that this guy can watch 2 whole seasons of Aziraphale being Aziraphale, and looking at Crowley like that, and saying the words he says (the Southern Pansy exchange comes to mind. Or the part where he says Shadwell has the wrong bookshop. Or the part where he never denies the boyfriend thing) and think he's straight in any capacity is beyond my comprehension. You must have had serious training in self-delusion, brochacho.
3. Obviously all of the talk about gender / lack thereof, and attraction / lack thereof because of being angels has something to do with it, because let's be real. You could hash around all of these interesting labels and tags and explanations for things like, you know, Crowley is definitely all of the genders (and probably a couple more we haven't even thought up yet. Creativity & style are the watchwords of that character), so you could list them as just about any sexuality/ romantic orientation, sexual orientation or lack thereof, etc (and frankly, that's part of the fun). But in practice, behavior, body being worn at the time, form and function, etc... Zira presents as male and is in love with someone who at least part of the time presents similarly, if one were to judge from top hats and name choice (honestly I think Crowley just loves fashion and looking fly, in any capacity lol, and so dresses according to his mood, and/or how sweet the fashion is for which gender depending on the time period). Aziraphale never dresses/presents otherwise that I recall, tho. (Probably because he's had approximately one suit since 1800, because it feels nice on his body.)
4. "Gay as a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide". That is all. I know that portion of the book is being used in both directions, but it can be interpreted about 500 different ways, so if your interpretation is that he's absolutely not, that interpretation stll hinges on the fact that he's not human. See above, and do we have to go back through that whole dance again? Form and function and behavior... book vs adaptation, yadda.
Summary 2: You have been shouted down by the author himself, and thus you should probably just quit while you're ahead.
And dude still comes up at the end of the second season with this theory that the reason Zira responded the way he did to the kiss is because he was NOT attracted to Crowley?!
I'm actually kind of worried about that person, if they truly think Zira is remotely anything other than a total fruit who loves Crowley to distraction.
#ineffable husbands#aziraphale x crowley#good omens#self delusion at its finest#theyre gay your honor#good omens 2 spoilers
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You're certainly not talking to air, and you're absolutely valid. Triggers are still triggers, no matter how abnormal they may seem, and I'm sorry that this fandom has treated you poorly :( I understand that this is pretty personal so if you don't want to respond or want to answer the ask privately, go for it!
I'll make sure to start tagging our DSMP shipping content with #dsmpshipping (kind of like how hermitshipping/trafficshipping are tags). Hopefully other people can start to do that-- shipping content isn't for everyone, and sometimes it can be harmful to them such as in your case. I think it would be to everyone's benefit if that became more common.
Again, I'm very sorry to hear that you're not feeling well :( I'm not good at starting conversations but you're more than welcome to chat with us! We've loved your blog for a long time and it's perhaps a bit parasocial but we do care about you, as much as someone can care for a stranger on the internet.
Wishing you all the best<3 I hope things get better for you soon, and know that you've got a bunch of people rooting for you from our corner of the universe!
♡, Astraea :]
the tags existed for months n i have had it filtered just, a lot of people either dont know, forgot, or dont care i guess. but i appreciate you doing so n i do hope more people do it. and thanks, ill try to keep it in mind. im not really the best at starting convo either (unfortunately theres still a good chunk of the blame that falls on me for not having a support group) but i appreciate the offer n the ask. wishing you all the best as well
#i think theres a function in base tumblr that would let me just like filter posts that contain shipnames#but even that isnt really going to work solidly i imagine n i guess a part of me likes the comfort of knowing ppl are tagging it#rather than it just being that i wiped it off my dash#and i use mobile which is unfortunately finicky but. plphp#regardless thank you n it means a lot#angel answers
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i see so many people not understanding the feedback debate. us writers don't expect anyone to make up stuff to compliment us because we need constant validation even if our fics aren't good, we just want the people who DO read and who DO like the fics to just drop a reblog and a "hey, i really liked this" IF they did. if they didn't like it then that's fine, we don't expect anyone to lie, and they can just exit the page and continue with their day.
for some reason, people think we demand feedback but will get mad if people have negative things to say, which, again, if people don't like it, then that's perfectly fine and you don't have to say anything (a lot of people don't want to receive constructive critizism on here, i know i don't). and if a fic doesn't get any notes then sure, maybe it wasn't our best work but the thing is that many of us still get a bunch of notes in the form of likes, which means that a portion of those users actually read and liked the fic but didn't even reblog it with an emoji in the tags. and that's what can feel dejecting.
and about authors dropping stories, it's the other way around. it's not that readers don't comment because they're scared a fic will be dropped, or at least i hope it isn't because it doesn't make any sense, motivation COMES from interaction, but writers drop fics because no one seems to like the fic when there is no interaction.
also, if any anons haven't tried it yet, i can promise you, the rush from sending an "fyi, i stumbled upon this fic you started a year ago and it really spoke to me, i loved this thing about it" and seeing the author most likely respond and say that it motivated them to pick it back up, is amazing. the trick is not to guilt or say how sad it made you that it hasn't been updated, just say what you liked about it!
Hi anon! Sorry I took a little while to reply to you, I have lots of thoughts on the question of 'constructive criticism' (a term which, to be fair, I think has been overused in an inefficient way) and I wanted to take the time to gather them.
I'm totally with you on what you're saying about expecting the readers who do like the stories to comment on them. I've written in a lot of small fandoms, and what they had in common was that people wanted to encourage writers to write more fics for the fandom, hence, interaction. In bigger fandoms like skz/bts, you'd expect that, without that effect, there are enough people who are reading you for a decent amount of people to interact (even if it's a smaller percentage in the end). The problem is that it isn't really the case (imo, in my experience, etc.).
Also yeah, to go quickly over the anon thing, 100% agree with you on your last paragraph and it also doesn't make sense to me that someone wouldn't comment in case the fic gets abandoned. I wonder if anon meant that they don't want to invest time in writing a comment in case the author then drops the fic which, oh, the irony considering how much time authors put in fics to get little in return :')
Okay, so, when it comes to the criticism, I do feel very strongly that authors have every right to cater their online experience and not want to receive it. I also don't like the term 'constructive criticism' because I feel that the implication is that it's criticism that should lead to certain reactions, which, y'know, I feel that it doesn't have to. I know I wish it was fine to just let the author know that you, personally, didn't like the one thing and move on, because it doesn't engage either party all that much.
Like, I know I'll sometimes not comment on fic that I liked fine because there are a couple of points that I'd like to discuss in a comment and I don't feel like I can (sometimes just the one line where I'd like to say 'didn't read/like that one thing because of personal preferences, totally fine don't expect you to change anything). I guess you can reply with something along the lines of 'well leave the comment without that part' and sure I could, but writing comments is fun for me and I don't have fun being dishonest. It ends up sucking the joy out of both reading fics and writing comments for me.
(I also think people don't learn to leave comments but that's a whole other can of worm) (Also also, I suspect that as a French person criticism has been written in my DNA and I can't escape it and that there are some fundamental cultural differences about both the school systems and the way societies function at play here that influence my thinking)
I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I see writing fanfiction as such a communal, social experience that the way its dynamics are working these days just... aren't working for me. And maybe it's a me problem, you know. But it reads to me as 'authors do their thing in their corner and readers should be nothing but grateful' and I think this whole conversation about the lack of comments, which has been going on for years at this point, shows how badly both sides of the coin need each other.
Again, I do very strongly feel that authors have every right to not want a certain type of comments on their fics and I 100% support it — not to mention some fandoms have their share of assholes that'll already be dicks regardless. I just... wish maybe some aspects of it were slightly less defensive.
I am quite curious to know where you've seen people say that authors just want people to make stuff up — it's not a sentiment I've been seeing on my dash and I wonder if there have been things said about that somewhere. Are blogs on Tumblr defending that idea? Or is that usually an 'on anon only' mindset? 99% of what I've seen on the issue has been writers talking about it and I have been wondering what people who are primarily readers feel about it.
Thank you for sending in this ask anon, it was very interesting to read and think about and I hope this doesn't feel like an unpleasant answer, this is in the continuity of conversations that I've been having with author friends for a while now so I have lots of thoughts about it!
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just got back home from my trip so i’ve FINALLY had time to catch up on what i missed😭im sorry for being so late to the party but im here so LETS DISCUSS!!
(First Time)
i couldn’t even read First Time all the way through like i had to TAKE BREAKS!! PLS THEY WERE SO IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER MY HEART CANT DEAL😭😭 *in my cardi b voice* WHAT WAS THE REASON??!!! WHAT👏🏾WAS👏🏾THE👏🏾REASON👏🏾YUS??!!!!???! my heart is cracked, shattered, broken beyond repair, obliterated, disintegrated like peter parker in Infinity War😭😭they were so cute and in love with each other i-UGHSMABSJNANSJWN. i know how it feels to see someone that you loved and cared about change (and not for the better) like that shit HURTS. we still don’t know the end of the story and who OC will untimely end up with (NOT assuming that she’ll end up with either jk or tae, she could stay single…or get with jimin👀*wiggles eyebrows* JUST KIDDING…unless👀) but i just don’t see how OC could ever fall back in love with Jungkook, especially not after the way he has treated her since he’s been back. yea she probably still has love FOR him but getting back together with him just wouldn’t be a good call especially with Junho in the picture. i guess if things were different they could be together❤️.
(First Fall)
this was so heartbreaking. seeing not only OC crying but also Yoongi ??? yea my heart shattered. Jungkook really left Yoongi and OC in fucking SHAMBLES and not only that but Hoseok left too?? pls i can only laugh💀 jungkook gets OC pregnant then leaves her with his child, Hoseok gets her strung out on drugs then he leaves. i can only laugh because i am in complete disbelief L M A O. BUT YOONGI…YOON👏🏾GI👏🏾!!!! he’s the one that STAYED🤌🏾ugh i love him so much. he stayed with OC through THICK AND MF THIN!!! HE IS RIDE OR DIE MATERIAL😩🤌🏾you look up the definition of ride or die and Yoongi’s face pops up STAN YOONGI. Oc would have metaphorically drowned if Yoongi had not been there. we have been taking Yoongi for granted frl i want to give him the biggest hug and just tell him thank you for being there for Oc😭. NOW I DO WANNA SAY THIS THOUGH that whole “fuck jungkook” energy he had in first fall wasn’t KEPT cause he took a WHOLE ASS bullet for him🤡. and maybe the two of them probably had contact after the incident at the wedding (im only assuming this cause i recalled the phone call yoongi and oc had back in the beginning of the story) buuutttt i don’t think a couple of phone calls can get me to the point of going from “fuck you” to taking a bullet for you💀especially after jungkook left a mess that yoongi had to clean up. and this wasn’t no simple “just get a broom and sweep it up” type of mess. this was a “we gotta rebuild” type of mess which in my opinion isnt worth a bullet🫣but anyway im HELLA EXCITED to see what goes down on this beach vacation cause the smut tag👀??? is Tae gonna crash the “family vacation” and give it to oc GOOD??? or is Jungkook gonna get some even though he deserves absolutely NONE😤. *i mean I would gladly give Jungkook some😭all he gotta do is ask and he can have it!! like have y’all seen that man😩🤌🏾* ANYWAY IM EXCITED!!!! im sorry this is long but i was trying to kill two birds with one stone cause i didn’t want to spam you with multiple ask😭 but i love, love, love you and i hope you’re taking care of yourself and blocking all the haters😊 mwah 😘😘
hey !! ahh i hope you had fun on your trip !! and omg yesss 😭🥺 he changed a lot and it really hurt for oc to see him again when they were SO in love and they shared each other’s firsts and everything 😭 pls. but yeah we don’t know who she’ll end up with. jimin pls don’t tempt me 🥴
omg ‘oc would’ve metaphorically drowned without yoongi’ EXACTLY THAT hooo i’m gonna cry 😭 pls he was there for her through it all. he knows what she’s been through and he didn’t give up on her and baby junho 🥺 but you’re making some valid points 🤡 how did he go from ‘fuck him’ to ‘i’ll catch a grenade for ya’ 🤨🤨🤨 we’ll just have to wait & see 👁
& i saw your other ask about the beach 😏😏 jk got some. tysm for reading bb and i love you too 🤍 don’t apologize for the long ask you made me laugh and it was enjoyable 😚
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Question
I won’t be able to get a therapist for a few weeks bc I’m on a waitlist. So I wanna ask a question to those have experienced this stuff to get a better idea if I’m making things up or there’s a genuine problem.
Context first: for years I’ve rarely ever had dissociation episodes, and they only came out when I was extremely, extremely anxious. But recently, I had something triggered by a few videos related to trauma. And I’ve had repeated derealization and dissociation episodes for the last four months. I keep having things that I think are flashbacks? And they’re very bad and every time I try to remember things, I viscerally react and curl up. If I try too hard to remember, I end up crying violently as a reaction. Not because I’m frustrated, but because the few things I might be remembering fill me with so much fear and dread that I cry just as a response to it. But it’s so hard to tell if it’s real or I’m just making something up somehow. That it’s just me lying to myself and my brain has created some grand scheme to make up trauma that doesn’t exist.
Is this common? To just suddenly have something trigger constant episodes when for years, you didn’t have them? I feel like I’m convincing myself something is wrong because I thought my childhood was perfectly fine for years and now this possible new information is throwing my brain into turmoil.
I’m 22 and the thing I’m thinking might have happened was when I was like 4-5 years old. It’s been so long ago that it’s so hard to know what is a genuine memory or me making things up. I don’t want to make things up and I’m not trying to make things up. But I’m just so unsure of what’s real or what’s my brain trying to fill in the gaps with stuff that just didn’t happen.
#tw trauma#tw dissociation#more just me trying to figure out if the things I'm feeling are uh valid i guess#it's really scary bc if what i think happened really did it explains why i was terrified of cis men for years#vent?#trauma#trauma question#ptsd#sorry for all the tags i guess i just want someone to either validate me or knock some sense into me#i'm working on getting a therapist so i can work this out in the future bc the episodes are getting worse#this sucks eggs lol i finally felt mentally stable to some degree this last year#and now I'm having all these episodes at least once every other week#dissociation#idk if i need to mention i have depression and anxiety issues too?#is that important#?#who knows
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Bouquet
Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)
Warnings: None
Genre: FLUFF, RPF (Real Person Fic)
Summary: Having come clean about being single for a very long time now and considering herself completely out of the dating scene, Y/N’s confession is taken and responded to with a ton of kindness, especially from a special someone...
Requested by Anon. Hi hun! Thank you so much for your lovely request, it was such a joy to write! I’m so sorry for the long wait you had to go through but the fic is finally here and I hope you enjoy reading it! Love, Vy ❤
I roll out of bed with little to no desire to start my day. We haven’t got a scheduled stream for today and the clouds glooming in the sky seem to be promising rain so really what do I have to get up for except that it’s a rule society installed?
Just kidding, I’m basically stalling and that’s all.
So what happened was the streamer gang and I were playing Among Us last night and our conversation during the pause between rounds somehow swerved into relationship territory. I stayed quiet the majority of if not all the time because I had no valid input to offer.
If you know me you know I’m not one of the performers on the dating scene. I have never really confirmed it with my fans - well, until last night, that is - but I bet they have picked up on that fact considering I’ve been on YouTube for around a decade and have never had a partner. That being said, I’d have to also mention that I have in fact dated but someone but it was before my YouTube era started. Me choosing this career path, which back then was just a hobby, had nothing to do with the relationship ending but it still motivated me to not to actively look for a relationship while I’m still focused on my career. It’s too much work, too much stress and requires a lot of balance I most certainly either don’t have or I don’t have the energy to put in balancing my romantic and professional lives. Luckily, no one’s ever pressured me into finding a significant other, not yet at least, so no societal pressure for me!
But I gotta admit I felt real awkward admitting all this last night.
“Hey Y/N what do you think? You’ve been awfully quiet?“ Rae asks, causing me to jolt in my seat from where I’ve been reading my chat for the past five minutes, my mic muted.
I quickly unmute to reply, blushing ever so slightly, “Um, sorry I was reading my chat. What do I think about what?”
“The gesture of giving flowers to your significant other, is it romantic or a waste of money and plant murder?“ Rae explains, still managing to catch me off-guard with her question.
I ponder what my response should be for a little bit before deciding to level it to a neutral level where I almost sound indifferent, “It is in fact plant murder basically and artificial flowers would definitely be a better gift - plus they’ll last longer.”
“Mhmm yeah that’s true.“ Poki agrees with me, “But there’s still the question of whether it’s a romantic gesture or not. I personally don’t think it’s overrated or cheesy, I actually quite like it. What about you, Y/N?“
And now she’s got me in a real trap that I can’t wiggle out of without speaking my truth. I don’t know where this sudden anxiety around the subject came from but it now resides within me rent free and makes me feel self-conscious and embarrassed of the confession I’m inevitably make.
“Um, I wouldn’t know for certain, I’ve never received flowers myself...“ I say sheepishly, cringing at the sound of my own voice, “It’s not like I’ve dated plenty of people and the one guy I did date wasn’t really romantic or anything, I mean - we were teenagers, after all. But when I think about it in theory I think I’d like the gesture: it’s thoughtful, plus you get a temporary but beautiful piece of décor out of it.“
I’m gonna hope I didn’t sound too pitiful or desperate. Of course I’m not gonna check afterward on the stream cause I’d rather live in the illusion of having sounded humorous rather than be given the confirmation that I didn’t.
“Wait, wait, wait, did you date your last boyfriend like a decade ago?“ Corpse is now the one talking and that makes me feel even more anxious. This is not the impression one would want to give to their crush, is it? Oh well, no turning back now.
“Correct.“ I reply with a laugh that I hope didn’t sound as nervous as it was.
“And you’ve never, like in your whole life, received flowers from someone?“ He sounds astonished which sort of makes me want to shrink up in my shell like a turtle. Too bad I don’t have a shell though. I’m genuinely thinking of the option to rip the router out of the outlet right now to save me the troubles but I’m not that immature. I’m surprised I’m even reacting this way - this topic doesn’t usually bother me at all but now for some reason I’m red as a tomato and shrinking in my chair.
I know what the obvious answer is but I’d rather die than admit to it.
“Yeah, yeah, I know it sounds bad but I really don’t care.“ I make an attempt at changing the subject, swerving it back to the main topic rather than my lack of a love life, “I do, in fact, find the gesture sweet - it adds vibrancy to the relationship just like the flowers would add vibrancy and color to the space they’re put in.“
“Oh my gosh, that’s such a cool analogy!“ Rae gushes, “You’re totally right, it might be an old trick, but it’s aged like fine wine.“
Phew, God bless you Rae.
“Exactly, exactly.“ Corpse agrees as well but I don’t think he’s fully heard what Rae said since he sounds to have fallen in deep thought.
At least I got away with it with only making a SLIGHT nervous wreck of myself.
Yikes, was that horrible, though I don’t people will remember it for long. Sure, my fans have sent me thousands of lovely messages and pictures of bouquets and will maybe continue sending them for another day or two - which I highly appreciate, don’t get me wrong. I’m severely touched by this gesture of theirs and it almost makes me glad I finally ‘came clean’ about my romance-less life - however, it’ll fade overtime. I mean, who the heck cares if I’m single or not?
As I pour the milk over my cheerios which I’ve been snacking on dry for the past half hour as I rifled through the many notifications clogging up my lock screen, I hear the doorbell ring. I’m understandably puzzled by this, seeing as how I never get visitors so that doorbell rings only when I’ve ordered something, be it takeout or a random item off Amazon. However, I can’t remember ordering anything, at least not anything that should be arriving at the moment or even anytime soon - that glow-in-the dark curtain isn’t supposed to arrive until next week.
I make my way to the door, unbothered by the fact I’m still in my pajamas, and take a look through the peephole.
It’s a delivery guy...and he happens to be holding a huge-ass bouquet.
“What the...“ I mutter to myself as I unlock and swing open the door in the blink of an eye, “Hi?“
“Hi there, are you Y/N L/N?“ The delivery guy, who I’ve seen many times before and who I’m on pretty friendly terms with, asks me jokingly, sending a wink my way.
“I sure am.“ I reply, my gaze fixated on the breathtaking flowers he’s holding, “But those can’t be for me, that’s for sure.“
He fishes looks at his clipboard one more time, nodding before he looks back at me, “I double and triple checked, Y/N, they’re for you. Here, have a look if you don’t believe me.” He turns the clipboard for me to see and he is actually telling the truth. I mean, I doubt he’d have any reason to lie to me but mix-ups happen all the time.
“Um, ok thanks. Sorry for the halt, it’s just...I’d hate to be the recipient of the flowers meant for another girl.” I apologize as I take the bouquet for him, still in awe of the fact I’m the one it was made and meant for and sent to.
I say a quick ‘bye’ to the delivery guy before practically running inside to inspect this bouquet for a card from the sender. I have my guesses: it has to be someone who was present during the stream last night and someone who knows my address. Hopefully it’s someone from my friend group and not a fan who watched the stream and just happens to know my address. I’d still appreciate the gesture, but I’d also install security cameras if that was the case.
Something about the color scheme of the flowers - pink and black - gives me Rae vibes since she constantly teases me about my aesthetics contradicting each other. But then again, Poki does it too so it could be her as well....
Oh...OH GOD IT’S NEITHER OF THEM
~ ~ ~
I’ve been sitting here, keeping myself a safe distance from my phone so I’m not the first one to send her a text. So I don’t ask if she got what I sent her. So I don’t ask what she thought of it, how the bouquet looks in her living room, how it smells, how it makes her feel. I have so many questions so that phone is best off at a major distance from me. I’m the one who’s better off with such a huge distance between me and the device, to be perfectly honest.
Was it a bad idea? Should I have slept on it - or just thought about it longer cause sleep and I don’t get along? Should I have at least waited a day or two? Should I-
My phone vibrates with a notification and I practically fly to it from across the room, grabbing it and unlocking it asap. My heart sinks and takes off like a rocket simultaneously when I see I’ve been tagged in Y/N’s Instagram story.
I nervously tap the notification that sends me to the picture of the bouquet I sent her with some text written over it.
“Thank you, Romeo ;)“
Somehow that one sentence answers all those aforementioned questions.
Is this what people refer to as butterflies in one’s stomach? Cause it feels significantly more like a crush...oh wait.
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i hope this isn't rude to ask, but why do you write dark content topics like noncon and abuse? i'm a s/a and abuse survivor who had no problem with these things before my trauma but afterwards i became angry at people who made such content. now i'm trying to remember that people have different reasons for writing these things and i've been asking writers what their thoughts are. i've been following you for a while and i know you're kind and not ill intentioned in your writing, so i was wondering what your views are. this isn't meant to be hateful at all and i am just curious and want to understand. if this makes you uncomfortable feel free to delete it!
Hello anon,
Don't worry, this isn't rude to ask at all. I respect that you want to understand and this is from curiosity rather than being hateful (which I don't take your ask as such) and that you remember that there's a person behind the work. To be honest, I don't really know how to answer your question so I might go on a tangent. I hope you don't take my words as fact or my entire thought process but I just want to say:
I don't support rape or abuse. I don't want anyone to think that just because I write it, I fantasize about it or condone it in any way. I don't. I'm not trying to offend or make anyone angry, that's why I tag everything twice and add a read more. It's your choice whether to believe me or not, I just ask that you don't harass me under those assumptions.
To put it bluntly, it's just writing to me. When you see people write or do something really obscure or relating to dark content, you're completely right to assume it's because they're interested in those topics. But that's not necessarily the same for everything and everyone. I can't speak on the behalf of every single writer out there but personally, it's just something to explore from an omniscient point of view. I'm not going to bullshit you or sugarcoat my words, I'm not a survivor and the harassment and abuse that I have suffered aren't traumatic to me. That's why I can think that way and it's not because I have any ill-intent or I'm trying to undermine or pretend that those issues aren't serious. They are. Personally, I would get very upset as well because, in my mind, someone is taking something very personal and traumatic and doing what? Writing about it with fictional characters that they want to fuck? It feels insulting in a way. Naturally, I have no idea what you feel but that's how I would react.
But it's similar to any murder/mafia au or even yandere. Does that mean I like killing people or obsessive behaviour? No, absolutely not. When I write a character or direct a movie and someone is shooting someone, does that mean I'm into violence or condone guns? No, that was not the intention at all. We can say it's "not the same thing" and you're totally valid to think that way. But for me, it is. I'm not pretending as if murder or abuse doesn't exist or it's something to want. When it's in shows or books, no one really bats an eye to that. Maybe it's the stigma with fanfic authors that we're all 13-year old quotev writers/readers (I used to be one so I'm really just making fun of myself here) that we rightfully assume it's because we like those topics or we fantasize about being in those situations. Because why else would I want to read or write about x reader fics with those topics?
You don't need me to tell you that it's reasonable to be angry at people that make dark content. I myself, don't really like dark content that much either. I don't daydream about being used and I don't like feeling upset. Which I guess doesn't make sense especially for the type of fics I write. But when I actually write, there's a major disconnect between fiction and reality and I understand that it's not like that for everyone else. Writers pov compared to a reader's pov I feel is very different. I can be a selfish person and write this way because I've never been through it. But it's never from a place of disrespect and I apologize if it feels that way but I can't control what you feel. All I ask is that you read the tags and determine whether or not you want to associate with it. To me, it's just words on a paper and action queues I'm giving to imaginary characters. I'm not fantasizing about anything, I don't even like sex that much. I just think it's something to write that I feel like doing. For example, I don't care for Venti at all. He's cute I guess but I don't want to fuck him. But I still write for him and how I write makes it seem as if I actually look at Venti that way. I don't, it's just writing. I guess it's the same question as to why do you write in general. Because it's fun? I wouldn't really call it "fun" and more of a hobby that I like to do. This doesn't really make sense since people that do anything as a hobby naturally assume they have a passion or like it. In a sense, it's kind of like this: You enjoy drawing but if someone asked you to draw a monster, yes you could do it because you like to draw but it's not like you're putting your heart or deep emotional thoughts into it. It's just a drawing of a monster. You've never had an experience with a monster (in a fictional sense) so there's nothing for you to be traumatized with. There might be some aspects, spikes or tentacles, that make you uncomfortable, sure. And people can find deeper meanings in your work and make assumptions when there isn't, to you it's just an image.
I know this is an incredibly shitty way to explain why I write dark content because it sounds like I don't care or I think abuse/noncon subjects don't matter because it's "just words on a paper". I get it, in movies when the protagonist is abused or has been a survivor of rape and that doesn't go anywhere. That it's just a way for the movie to pity the main character or to explain why they act a certain way, it feels cheap and manufactured and I hate it. But I always believe that as long as you aren't doing anything illegal or endangering yourself + others, I don't care what you do. When I see topics that I personally find disgusting or don't like, I just move on. They aren't hurting me in any way and they're allowed to write what they want to write. I know that isn't the same for everyone and that kind of thinking is very romanticized but I like to think that I'm smart enough to know when that thinking breaks or isn't acceptable.
Sorry that I keep drawing comparisons, it's just how I like to explain things and it's easier for me to explain my thoughts that way. My writing is like a snow globe. Sure it has some real connotations with the snow that comes from nature, but it's not real snow. It's an overly pretty, dream-like world, that can never be cold and doesn't show how awful living with a lot of snow does to you. People that have never seen snow, they'll love it because it doesn't remind them of actual snow since they've never experienced it. But I have, I live in NA. Except I understand that it's just a snow globe. Sure it might make someone uncomfortable for any reason, but it doesn't for me and at the end of the day, it's just an object to me. You can take that as a very selfish way of thinking but I'm not going to throw my snowglobe in the trash just because someone doesn't like it. I know for a fact that anything I write isn't meant to trigger or make anyone upset, I write it because I want to explore those topics. I don't think it's hot, I don't think it's okay, and I don't condone it in real life. But it's just writing to me, it's just fiction, it's a way for me to explore those topics in a way that I am comfortable. If you don't like it and it triggers you, that is completely okay and understandable, but that wasn't my intention and I'm not going to stop.
I hope that answers your question and gives you a bit of insight into my views. I know my way of thinking isn't for everyone and you're allowed to disagree with it. Dark content is a very thin line that a lot of people aren't comfortable with and I acknowledge that. I don't even like dark content that much but I'm not going to stop writing about it. I'll tag everything, crop away topics that trigger people, and to be honest, I don't find myself writing about dark content ever unless an anon asks for it. But if you don't like me or disagree with what I've said, the block button is right there.
- 🐑
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looking for some reassurance (and possibly advice?), i don't think there's any tws but i'm sorry if i miss something
lately i've been really struggling like feeling like i'm just like my abusers and combined with rsd and probable bpd and i just have a complete nightmare any time i try to interact with people. i feel like none of my friends care or want to hang out with me, especially the person i consider my best and closest friend. i don't really have a basis for it beyond everyone either doesn't or takes a long time to respond to my texts (which. is the case for all of us we're all shit at responding) and just a general feeling of "what if they don't want me" and "what if i'm as bad as those people and I've been hurting them this entire time subconsciously and they just don't want to or are afraid to say anything"
my best friend hasn't said anything of the sort but i feel like he hates me or that I've hurt him even though he reassures me he loves me when i ask. we used to be very physically close and he'd let me just lean on him or hug him anytime i needed reassurance (i am Very touch-starved and physical touch is very reassuring for me, it's like. one of the biggest ways i show people i trust that i care for and trust them) but lately he just. hasn't? i tried to lean on his shoulder earlier tonight and he tensed up and flinched a little so i backed up and apologized and i just wish he'd tell me if i'm doing something wrong. we still hug each other when we see each other or say goodbye and shit but i just feel like I've done something bad? but no one is telling me anything??
i'm sorry if i didn't explain things well but i just. wish people would talk to me first instead of me always reaching out. sometimes i wish i'd get a "hey are you doing good?" or "i love you" without asking for reassurance because it always just feels forced then, even if it's not. i just don't know what to do and i'm scared of losing these people because they're the first healthy support system I've ever had and logically i know they care and they've said they care but sometimes it feels like i'm invisible. like i'm not even there.
i guess i just... am looking for reassurance that my brain's just being dumb? and maybe some advice on what to do and how to cope with this awful feeling
uhh for tagging you can use kestrel? if that's not taken by someone else
Hi Kestrel,
Seeking reassurance and validation is a natural aspect of friendships but sometimes the persistent urge can stem from something like a fear of abandonment. I think it can be easy to misinterpret silence or delays in response. As someone with BPD, it helps me to think that if someone has something to say, they can say it directly, and otherwise, I have no obligation to read into their behavior. If they struggle to communicate in a direct and mature way, then that's not your problem or responsibility to analyze. But it's definitely easier said than done.
If people reassure you that everything is good between you and them, then that's your answer, as much as it may feel like there's something deeper or left unsaid. Sometimes it can even help to just say "If I ever make you uncomfortable, please let me know. I want to make sure that I create an environment where you feel safe enough to communicate if I'm doing something wrong." That way you can explicitly open the door for them to make any comments, and potentially feel some relief when they have nothing to say.
It's hard to accept but some people will not communicate properly, and some people may even stop being friends with you without explaining why, but these experiences aren't inherently a reflection on you - it doesn't necessarily mean that you've done anything wrong. It can be needlessly exhausting emotionally and spiritually to constantly internalize these things.
I also think it's worth saying that, at least in my mind, true abusers don't take accountability for their behavior, but it sounds like you're pretty self-aware and mindful of how your actions may impact others. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you process these things further.
I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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