#sorry for flooding the tag i'll stop if anyone hates me
In reference to the half-hug anon, it’s true! To me it feels like he isn’t comfortable with the camera (like today after the race when he kept touching his face all the time), and he did it a lot less when they had masks on in every interview. Besides that, he has said that he has ‘an ugly face’ and he likes when he can wear a cap AND the mask and tbh I just feel like he isn’t very comfortable with himself 🥺 ALSO ppl going after him during the winter break and calling him big and all, probably saw that too
omg i didn’t know people talked shit about him during the winter break!! what the hell he’s one of the fittest dudes on track. crazy to me how people can criticize him when he’s clearly so good.
also no i can’t believe he called himself ugly. he does have an usual face but i think he’s cute, especially now that’s really grown into his own body. i think 18-23 is such an awkward age for most guys but he’s been looking fantastic lately like please max gimme your number let’s chat
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Tags: blood donation, mdlg, age regression, fear of needles.
Tessa felt her hands grow clammy against the steering wheel as she drove herself to the clinic. It had been exactly three months since she’d last donated blood and seen Vivian, and she wouldn't let it go a day longer. She understood the three month rule between each donation for females, but she desperately wished she could be Vivian's little patient more often.
Tessa remembered her first donation with Vivan fondly. How she'd been so nervous, and how Vivian had immediately taken on an overly caring role. How all it took was an intense stare between them and they immediately knew their roles.
Tessa was naturally very guarded about her little side, and she'd never told anyone, but Vivian just saw it in her and brought it out in the most exciting way. The drive to the clinic always made her nervous as she ran through all the things that could go wrong. The biggest one being Vivian wasn't there for some reason, or that Vivian was busy with another donor and Tessa had to have someone else. Or that Vivian simply didn't want to play with her anymore.
Anxiety crept through her system as she pulled up in the car park. As she walked through the doors to the clinic, the familiar too-cold airconditioning made the hairs on her arms stand up. She looked around and was flooded with relief when she saw Vivian sat on a stool, talking to a male donor. Her long brunette hair was perfectly smooth, not a single hair out of place. Tessa sat in the waiting room for a while, watching her interact with the man. She smiled a lot and kept the man talking as his blood left his body. Her bedside manner really was great. Snapped out of her trance-like state, an older nurse abruptly guided Tessa out of her chair.
“Follow me dear,” she spoke, and Tessa began to panic. As she followed the older nurse, she kept her eyes locked on Vivian, praying she would turn around and see her, but she didn't, and Tessa was instructed to sit down on a plastic chair that was much smaller than the nurses whilst she checked through her donor questionnaire.
“So, nothing new from last time? No vaccines, medical problems, medication changes, travel?” The nurse asked. Tessa shook her head. “Good, well in that case I'll just have your finger and we can check your iron level to make sure you're fit enough to donate.” Tessa hesitated then reluctantly held out her finger. As the lancet came towards her finger, there was a quiet knock at the door; Vivian was there. Tessa couldn't stop herself from smiling, and then blushing.
“It's okay Melissa, I can take it from here. Tessa is my friend and I'd like to do her donation for her.” She spoke softly but authoritatively. Melissa, the older nurse, nodded and stood. “We've only just finished the questionnaire - you'll still need to check the haemoglobin”. She handed over, and Vivian nodded. They swapped seats seamlessly, and Tessa felt herself growing more nervous.
“I’m sorry i didn't see you come in, I wasn't expecting my last donation to last that long! How have you been?” She asked caringly, her dark brown eyes intense and inquisitive.
“It's okay, I'm just glad you're here now. I always hate this part. Sometimes I think it's worse than the big needle. And I've been fine, just a regular, busy life.”
Vivian smiled. “It's just because your fingertips are so sensitive it seems like it hurts more, but the needle is so much smaller.” Vivian says as she rubs a cotton ball on her finger tip, holding her finger in place with the other hand. “Just a quick scratch, 1,2,3!”
“Ouch!” Vivian collects a bubble of blood with the pipette and drops it into a solution.
“Sorry honey, but the good news is that your iron level is high enough to donate! Let's get you round to a comfy chair hmm? Do you want a drink before we start?” the playful tone in her voice starts. Tessa nods and Vivian smiles, guiding her out of the chair and walking her round to the furthest away donation chair, her hand resting on the small of her back for reassurance. “Hop up here for me, Tessie; make yourself comfy. I'll get you a drink.'' Vivian comes back moments later with a blackcurrant drink in a sports bottle. “Now, you start on that, little one, and just let me have a look at your arm.” Vivian coaxes Tess's arm from by her side up onto the arm-rest built into the chair. She palpates the vein she usually uses and then applies a tourniquet from her pocket. “Just a little cold now” Vivian speaks softly as she disinfects the skin with an alcohol wipe.
Tess shrinks into the chair a little. “Nervous” she whispers. Her green eyes go wide as she knows the next step.
Vivian always feels sorry for Tessa in this next part; she knows she hates needles but keeps coming back for Vivian’s care. The needle is just the price she has to pay for it. “I know honey, but it's never as bad as you think, is it? It's always over quickly and I'm always so gentle with you, aren't I?” Vivian cooes and Tessa settles down a little. Whilst the skin is drying from the alcohol wipe, Vivian prepares her equipment. She realises quickly that she only has the large needles left that they use for larger men. Not to cause a fuss, she quickly walks over to Melissa and asks if she can borrow some of her smaller needles, but Melissa tells her that she’s also run out, and they'll have a new delivery in the morning. Vivian feels a sudden pang of guilt as she makes her decision to not tell her patient about the fact she's going to be using a larger, thicker needle than usual. It'll only cause her more anxiety and the blood bank has been very low on blood recently. Every donation has been so important these last few days.
“Okay, Tessie! I want you to tense every muscle in your body and then relax it and then do it again and again until I tell you to stop okay? It's going to take your mind off the needle!” Tessa begins to whimper but follows Vivians instructions. “Good, good girl. Now, I want you to look over there at that painting on the wall, can you see it? I want you to tell me how many animals you can see in the painting.” Vivian instructs again, and as Tess starts to count, Vivian swiftly inserts the large needle into the vein. Tess cries out and looks down at her arm which Vivian quickly covers with her gloved hand. “That's it! It's in! You did so well! Just need to tape it up now okay? That's the worst bit Tessie Bear, what a good girl!” She praises. Tess whimpers again but begins to relax, hearing Vivians words of encouragement, indicating that the worst part is over. Vivian tapes the needle in place and then covers it completely with gauze so her baby patient can't see it. The dark red liquid begins to fill the bag and Vivian holds it in her hands. This was always one of her favourite parts: holding Tessa's life force in her hands as it slowly flows out of her. She sets the bag in its holder and wraps a piece of gauze around her finger, gently dabbing under Tessa's eyes, collecting the tears that had not quite fallen yet.
Tessa shivered slightly, most likely due to a combination of the cold aircon and the surge of adrenaline, Vivian thought. “Here, a blanket for my bestest patient.” The nurse spoke as she snuggled her with it. “Not much longer now good girl, then we can take it out and make you more comfy!” Vivian gently guided the bottle to Tessa's mouth and encouraged her to stay hydrated throughout the donation.
Melissa signalled to Vivian to come to her. Her brow furrowed “What's wrong?” Vivan spoke in a hushed tone.
“The blood bank is nearly out. They're going to make an announcement tonight for more donors to come forward.” She spoke in a quieter voice.
“So?” Vivian spoke back, knowing Melissa was trying to suggest something.
“So if your patient wants to donate a second bag… I would be allowed to authorise it.” Vivian remained silent, they both glanced back at Tessa. The girl couldn't weigh more than 130 pounds, her body would most likely show signs of distress if they took another bag from her. “It's your call Vivian, but I would be really glad if you could sort that.” Melissa walked away back to the front desk. It was just Vivian and Tessa in the donation room now, and Vivian felt a strange sense of predator and prey wash over her. She brushed it off and went back to her little patient.
“Feeling okay, Tessie?” Vivian put her hand to her patient's forehead, slightly clammy from nerves but otherwise fine. She glanced underneath the gauze at the venepuncture site, that was also fine. Tessa nodded, her lips still wrapped around the bottle. It was good she was drinking a lot, Vivian thought to herself. Replacing the blood with fluid was definitely going to make her feel better tomorrow. She tucked a strand of blonde hair out of her face behind her ear as she tried her luck. “Okay my favourite little patient, unfortunately I need to take some more blood from you; the blood banks are really short you see. Because you're such a good girl for me, I know you'll help, won't you?” Vivian shot her a firm look. Tessa removed the bottle from her lips to say something, but Vivian quickly pulled something out from her pocket and pushed it between her patient's lips. Tessa was shocked, but then tasted the familiar rubber and began to suck. She couldn't help herself. Vivian had just silenced her by forcing a pacifier in her mouth!
“Good girl! I knew you wouldn't complain!” Vivian stroked her cheek soothingly, and Tessa could feel herself sinking into the depths of her little space. “I'm going to take this out now, and then we can start on the next one.” Vivian tapped on her donation cannula. Tessa panicked again, why would Vivian take the needle out if she needed more blood? Vivian sensed her panic. “We need to put another one in because the needles are pre attached to the bag. I guess to prevent nurses from doing a double donation on an oblivious patient” she smiled softly. “Okay angel, I'm taking it out now, big breath!” as Tessa breathed in, on the exhale Vivian withdrew the needle and capped it. She labelled the bag and put it in a tray on the side. “Lots of pressure on your arm now Tessie, just making sure we don't lose any of your precious blood.'' After a few minutes, Vivian taped up her arm and put it underneath the blanket by her side. “Okay princess, next arm!” Tessa didn't move, so Vivian took her arm for her and laid it on the armrest again. She sucked on her pacifier anxiously, watching the nurse palpate her vein. “It's not as good as your other vein, but it'll do.” Vivian chimed. She swiftly applied the tourniquet and wiped the area with alcohol. “Can you tense all your muscles for me again little one?” Tessa shook her head, knowing that when she did that it would mean the next step with the needle would happen. Vivian slightly raised an eyebrow. “No? That's a shame Tessie, that just means this is going to hurt a little more than it needs to. Are you sure you don't want to?” Vivian offers her another chance. Tessa thought about it for a moment, and then started tensing all her muscles and relaxing them again. “Good girl, I knew you were clever! Just look over there at that other photo sweetie, you see all the monkeys?” Tessa nodded and Vivan quickly slid in the large needle. Tessa cried out again and looked down at her arm before Vivian could cover it again like last time. She saw the larger needle and a tear escaped, running down her cheek. “Oh it's okay little one, it's okay. It's all done now! You were so brave for me; I'm so proud of you.” Vivian coos as she quickly covers the venepuncture site and wipes away a tear with her gloved finger.
After a few moments, Tessa pushes the pacifier out of her mouth and whispers, “feel yucky”. Vivian rechecks the covered venepuncture site: it looks fine. Suddenly, the colour begins to drain from Tessa's face, a panicked look sweeps across her.
“It's okay angel, just feeling a little faint.” Vivian eyes the blood bag; it's only half full. If she stops the donation now the blood will go to waste. “Just going to lay the chair back sweetie, you can have a little lay down. Breathe nice and deeply for me.” She estimated she needed another two or three minutes before the bag was full and she could complete the donation. “Can you hear me Tessie?” Vivian spoke loudly, Tessa did not respond. Vivian had an idea, she slipped her gloved forefinger into Tessa's mouth and wiggled it around a little. Slowly the girl started to suck, and the colour started to come back to her face. “Good girl, good little girl. Keep sucking for me.” As Tessa became more aware, she became embarrassed of the fact she was sucking on Vivians finger and tried to spit it out, but Vivian kept it firmly in place.
“Okay angel we’re all done” she withdrew her finger from her little patient's mouth and began untaping the IV. “Big breath in for me, and out.” she instructed, and on Tessa's exhale she withdrew the needle. Swiftly, she covered it and applied pressure, keeping an eye on her patient's reaction, another pass out in such a short period of time wouldn't be good for her.
“Two pints, Tessie Bear! That's great! You were such a good girl for me. I just want you to lay here and relax for a little bit, okay? I'm going to get you another drink and something sugary while you rest.” Vivian spoke as she labelled the bag.
As Tessa had her snack she reached out for Vivians hand. “Thank you” she mouthed, smiling. Vivian held her hand and smiled back at her.
“I wouldn't thank me yet, I took two bags from you, you might not feel so great for the next few days. I'll give you some iron tablets to take when you go.” Vivian spoke softly.
Tessa frowned slightly. “Hurt more than usual, maybe because I dropped more?” she suggested, referring to her little space.
“No, it hurt more because I had to use a 14g needle on you as opposed to the usual 16g. We ran out, and I was worried you wouldnt let me go ahead if I told you it was bigger than usual. I know you struggle with needles enough as it is.” Vivan said calmly.
“I feel kind of angry at you about that.” Tessa laughed.
Vivian laughed back, “You feel angry at the fact I used a slightly bigger needle without telling you, not about the fact I regressed and manipulated you into giving me another bag of your blood?”
Tessa smiled again. “You're going to have to make that up to me next time by using a smaller needle.” Tessa teased.
“Could do, or I could take you out to dinner tonight?” Vivian spoke gently. For the first time, Tessa sensed a hint of anxiety in Vivians expression.
Tessa couldn't help the grin that grew across her face and the blush that flooded her cheeks. “Yeah, or that’d do.” She replied. Both women sat for a while holding hands, enjoying the moment, and were both hopeful for what the future might hold.
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genre: fluff, angst, immortal au
word count: 1.4k
~warning: mentions of death, character death
Network tag: @stayverse
a/n: thanks to @blueprint-han for the banner and helping me with this fic. I swear if it's not for you, it wouldn't turn out this good 🥺🥺 (and I come back to tumblr :3)
The first time you saw him was when he stepped inside the cafe that you worked at. His presence was enough to captivate people, their gazes lingering on his form as he walked past them and went to the counter.
"One cup of Americano, please."
His order was simple. Just a cup of Americano. He ordered the same thing the next day. Until it became a routine. He would walk into the cafe and come up to you. You would be ready with his usual order. You both exchanged smiles, you being too shy to start a conversation.
"I think he likes you." Your co-worker would say, giggling.
You shook your head at her ridiculous statement, continuing your work as you felt his gaze on you, watching you intently.
A few weeks later, you mustered up enough courage to talk to him. As you made way timidly towards his table, your heart beating frantically, fearing his reaction.
"Excuse me? You come around a lot but I haven't caught your name yet. Mine's Y/N and I just hope we can be friends?"
His smile was beautiful. Too beautiful to be human. Yet his eyes were carrying something, like sadness and longing but you couldn't pinpoint it.
"The name is Hyunjin. Nice to meet you."
"Why do you keep coming to our café even though it's miles away from your place?"
Hyunjin looked up from his cup to stare at you, lips lifting in a smile. He pushed the cup away from him, finger drumming on the table as you waited for him to answer.
"Your coffee is delicious. They remind me of someone. That's all."
You frowned at his answer. Hyunjin seems to notice that you were not satisfied with his answer yet he didn't say anything.
"Why don't you ask that person to make your coffee then? Did you guys fight or something?
You asked, absentmindedly stirring your coffee. Hyunjin went quiet for a while before opening his mouth.
"She died a few years ago."
You stopped stirring, guilt starting to fill your being. You grabbed his outstretched hand, nearly knocking the cups over.
"I'm sorry. That's rude of me. I don't mean to bring that up." "It's okay."
Hyunjin smiled lightly, patting your hand as you kept on apologizing. You eventually picked up your head to look into his eyes, fighting back his gaze.
A wave of nostalgia suddenly hit you. You didn't know why but his eyes seem familiar somehow. Like you already saw them before.
"Y/N? Are you there?"
You jerked out from your trance as Hyunjin waved his hand in front of your face. He looked worried.
"I'm okay. It's just I think I remember something when I stared into your eyes." "Oh. That's good."
And the next day, he didn't come back.
People think being immortal must be nice. You won't die. You won't get hurt. You could live for so long and you won't ever get old. It's a way of avoiding death, the thing that people feared so much.
But not for Hyunjin. If he had to choose, he chooses death.
For starters, he needs to see all his loved ones die with his own eyes and it will continue to haunt his memory forever. He can't stay in one area for a long time just in case anyone noticed him. No matter how much the town means to him, he had moved away to avoid causing a ruckus.
He needs to change his identity often which is the only way so people won't recognize him and sell him out. He hates being immortal.
Not to mention, it's hard for him to fall in love. Hyunjin has been falling in love with the same person every time for 400 years now. No matter how much you changed over time, he still falls for you.
It hurts to see you falling in love, getting married, having kids, and hearing you passed away. He could have approached you yet he knows he won't stand a chance with you and the thought of seeing you dying hurts him.
Yet, this was the first time you approached him first. He still looks after you from time to time, helping you in secret if you have ever been in trouble and it surprised him when you approached his table shyly, asking to be friends.
And so Hyunjin agreed.
But when she started to remember a little bit from her past life, Hyunjin knew it was time for him to flee. He couldn't risk you remembering him. As much as he hated to leave, Hyunjin knew it was for the best.
For 40 years, he lived alone, far away from your city. He suppressed his desire to see you, to know if you're doing good, to find out if you got over him.
Until one day, he couldn't take it anymore. So he went back to your city, just to watch you from afar. Seeing you after all these years, still smiling brightly while running the little cafe, made him feel relieved to see you doing so well without him.
He was surprised to find out you still didn't get married yet, like your other past life. Until he found out you were still waiting for him and you already knew the fact about him being immortal.
Turned out, Hyunjin stupidly left his sketchbook, the one where he keeps all his sketches of Y/N from her different life after their last encounter together. And it seems like she pieced it together to form a conclusion that he's immortal.
And so Hyunjin decided to come back. This time, to stay until your very last breath.
The bell on the door chimed merrily as someone stepped inside the cafe. You picked up your head from the old cash register, smiling at the person in front of you.
His presence, as always, drew people in to look at him, gaping at his figure. Even after 40 years, he still had that dazzling smile on his face.
"You didn't change much, Hyunjin." "And you aged beautifully, Y/N"
You chuckled slowly, shaking your head as tears collected at the brim of your eyes. Hyunjin helped you to get out from the counter, his hand gripping yours tightly.
"I may be old but I'm not fragile yet."
You mumbled as Hyunjin fussed over you, asking if you were comfortable. You sighed, smiling, a bit amused at his antics. You pulled his hand to sit next to you. Smiling, he held your hand tenderly, as your tears once again flooded the brim of your eyes.
"I missed you."
As the noises from the background faded into silence, you focused solely on Hyunjin as he did the same, the feeling of longing evaporated as you both basked in each other's presence, letting out the yearning for each other.
"Me too, Hyunjin. Me too."
Hyunjin took one last look at the graveyard, focusing on your tomb. He watched as your close ones went back along with him. His mind flew back to the last conversation you had with him yesterday before you passed away in your sleep.
"I'll try to remember you in my next life."
Hyunjin smiled as he fixed your blanket gently, patting your hand. You smiled back as his hand intertwined both of your hands together.
"Don't bother, Y/N. It's never gonna work."
You chuckled but it was quickly cut off with a cough. Hyunjin quickly handed her some water as he helped her sit up on the bed. You waved his hand away as the cough subsided, shaking your head.
"We just need a miracle, Hyunjin. If I can remember you after our last encounter 40 years ago, why won't I remember the next time we meet?"
You reached out to your nightstand and took out his sketchbook, handing it to him. Hyunjin reluctantly accepted it, feeling a bit lost.
"If you show me that sketchbook in my next life, I'm sure I'll remember. After all, I won't forget the person who draws me so beautifully like that."
You chuckled as Hyunjin flipped through the pages. He nodded.
"Now let's get you to sleep. It's late."
That night, Hyunjin drew you while you were sleeping peacefully with a smile on your face as you breathed your last air.
He gripped the sketchbook tightly in his grasp, willing himself not to cry. He let out a watery smile as he walked away from the graveyard, promising himself to do what you told him to do before.
Except, you were never reborn.
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