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#sorry for posting two versions- i never know how to post traditional art
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Studio Update Wk 10: Buckle Up, This is a Long One, Folks!
Lots of Stuff happening to my practice lately, and in the mean time, I'm chronically fatigued and autistic-ly burnt-out. Some thoughts:
1.) Had my second big crit of the semester, and my peers have finally seen my ceramics! The response from them and the professors who saw them was overall positive, much more than I expected. As some peers know, the response from other individuals to my ceramic practice and knowledge has been...less than ideal, and discouraging-- so hearing some positives was a boost. A lot of the things that I think about in relation to my practice came up naturally, and that excited me tremendously.
2.) Put together two different proposals this week, for Hauntology (obligatory hi, Neil comment here) and for Tools and Research. Want to talk about both. First, Tools and Research: my plan is to do some laser-cutting words onto paintings, which will likely be on wood (? not sure yet.) I'm really interested in incorporating words and text into my work (see photos attached for how I've been spitballing painted text). As a previous English-major and always-writer, words matter to me and I use them lots, and I like the idea of pulling them into my practice. I think the laser cutting idea has potential. As much as some might want me to be, I am never going to be a digital artist, so my T/R project had to allow me to work within my wheelhouse as a traditional materials, hands-on kinda gal. I think using a starkly-digital thing for the words will work well, since both words and the laser-cut nature will stand out a lot against the paintings. Meeting on this topic to transpire this week, which I'm sure will uh. Go well? Sure.
3.) Hauntology project is to be self portraits; as per Neil's guidelines, between 4-6 paintings. Self-portraits are so loaded to me; as an artist and as a writer, the self is always my main topic. I write poetry and creative nonfic, and if I'm being honest, there is a sense in which all of my art is self-portrait, in a less-than-literal sense. That being said, I've been running from self portraits since I got here, for a variety of reasons, and I like the idea of "returning home" to them. I don't want to focus only on using pictures of my current-self as reference. Photographs of me are always loaded; my long weird struggle with various traumas, body dysmorphia and dysphoria, etc. mean that there are entire chunks wherein looking at photos of myself is strange and sometimes anxiety-inducing or upsetting. I have a specific photograph of myself from the 8th grade that I definitely want to use as reference for one. That was a bad year, the source of my fear of men, etc., and for a long time, I have been unable to look at pictures of myself from that year. Even in photographs where the Source of My Fear is not present, he feels present. Even in photographs where I am happy, I struggle to see myself as such, and instead I just get nauseous. However, I don't want to lose a year of my life and the complexity of the person I was at that time. In this picture, taken on a shitty day, I look so happy. Even though that day wasn't a good one, and that year wasn't a good one, I know that I was happy in that moment. I want to dedicate a portrait to replicating this photo (in my own style, of course) and the joy that I felt, as a kind of exercise in giving grace and love to this younger version of myself, so often neglected by me and my memory of events. It's this idea for a painting that drove my decision to do self portraits, and I think as such it's likely that at least one or two other portraits I do will be based on older photos as well.
Alright, sorry for the long and trauma-dumpy post, but of course it is tumblr and that is what the class is for! Below are photos:
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spooksicl-e · 3 years
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good evening fellow sherlock enjoyers, i finally got a new sketchbook after a whopping year and a half and he gets to be on the first page<3
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mfpeace · 3 years
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@justbeingedgy @weird-colombian-gurl You asked me to elaborate on the "Ches already has a kid" theory in the notes of that one mf analysis post (which I really liked, go check it out!!), so that's why I'm making this one, cuz notes are a bit too restricting for what I want to talk about!
Though next time think twice before asking me to talk about something I'm interested in, because you never know when you're gonna wake up lovecraftian horrors!! :DDD you'll see what i mean when you press read more :))
So, I'll say it right now - this post is largely inspired by the second story highlight of this Instagram user (sorry, I don't know their name, only that their Instagram handle is dee_girl_metalfamilyfan), it's in Russian though, so keep that in mind
Alright, so I'll break this theory into two parts: the first one will be all about Ches, and the second will be about his potential child (spoiler: you might've seen her!)
Without any further ado, let's get to the Ches part:
1. The creators said that they're gonna explore Ches' character in the second season. Obviously, it doesn't mean anything on it's own, but just wait.
Dima: Let's talk about the second season a little. Of course, the seconds season will show development of the old characters, as well as new ones. That's in short. As you see, Ches looks a bit different here.
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Alina: Yeah, we'll show a bit more about Ches at the ages of 18 to 20. His past. We'll reveal a bit more about his complex character, as much as it's possible.
(The source of the translation) Also I think they also said at one point that adult Ches will get some character development too? But that's probably a given, considering that we wouldn't see his youth if it wouldn't have affected him in the present, flashbacks without any relevance to the overall story don't sound so good
2. Not sure about this one (we don't know how much in character it was) but I can't not mention it.
Alina: Actually there was this one fanfic that I really liked. I don’t remember what it was called, but it was about Ches having a daughter, which is a cool topic. It was relatively in character and truly interesting. It’s great when people focus not just on sexual relationships of the characters, but also try to look at their development. That was a really interesting one. That’s it.
(UnityCon '19)
3. This one's a pretty big one, in my opinion. So, this is what they said on ArtWave '19:
Dima: Ches also has flaws.
Alina: [to Dima] Don’t spoil stuff.
Dima: His flaw is that he's very... irresponsible, let’s say.
So, maybe, just maybe, Ches does have a child but he, you know... left them? As the Instagram highlight from the beginning say: "he might be irresponsible enough to leave his child, and he's probably irresponsible enough not to use any contraception" (rephrased, not the exact quote)
4. Alright, so, the only mention of this one I can think of right now is the aforementioned Instagram highlight. The Metalfamilyfan says:
I contacted Korg/Корж, (admin of @ metal_yama [and I believe one of the organizers of the Metal Family Meetup in Moscow]) and she asked Alina on one of the meetups: "if Ches were to be a father, what kind of father would he be?"
And she said: "The kind of that would say "kid, look at that birdie over there!" an then he would run away"
Someone's words are not the perfect source, but they did tag Metal Yama and from what I know they didn't disagree with what the author of the page said. if anyone has anything to say about this (disprove or definitely prove what I said) feel free to do so in a reblog, notes, DMs, send me an anonymous ask, or in any other way you feel comfortable with
5. Ches has literally been through the same thing, and we know how important the theme of the cycle of abuse is in Metal Family (or, in this case, the cycle of neglect? Abandonment? Idk)
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You managed to hide your PREGNANCY from me! AND you've been hiding the child from me for a whole year!
YES, because you would've insisted on aborting him!
AND NOW I'M INSISTING ON PUTTING HIM UP FOR ADOPTION! OR I'LL LEAVE RIGHT NOW!
6. Here we can see Ches with a blonde girl. Nothing too special, probably just a one time hook up. He doesn't seem to be interested in her, and she seems to be annoyed with him.
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But wait...
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What is this?
Like, it doesn't even matter if there's actually a punk/rock/whatever band named MOM or not, I just think it's pretty weird to put it in this particular drawing of Ches and this random woman who is implied to have slept with him. It's not integral to Ches' character as, for example, Korol i Shut is. It's just... there. For some reason.
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Alright, now, finally let's get to the second part of the theory: who is, exactly, his child?
The short answer is, according to this theory, her:
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First, let me list every single instance of her appearing in canon (and by canon I mean everything made by the creators. Even with this definition of canon it's not much, I promise): The screenshot you can see above on the left (it's a screenshot from the second season and it appeared here), an instagram story posted by Alina (above, right), and two drawing with a lot of characters where you can spot the girl which I'm gonna call her PinkHair or PH for short, I'll mention them later I feel like I should mention this, comparing the sources of the images and the dates when they were posted, it's safe to assume that the screenshot in the classroom has the latest and final version of her design. The red hair most likely doesn't mean anything
1. Alright. So. we've seen Dee and PinkHair in a classroom together, so they're most likely related in some way, or at least they know each other. Their exact relationship doesn't matter here, because all that matters here is that they're related story-wise
Let's look at the first image. This is the banner of the main Metal Family channel. Ches is near Heavy (they get along quite well and I'm sure Heavy aspires to be like Ches in many ways), Dee (we can see his classmates/friends near him, they're all about his age), and we can see people related to Glam on the left side of the image (including Ches!), and Vicky's - on the right side (notice how the hell sign is also there)
Now, I'm not absolutely sure about this one, but it's still kind of weird - look at the image on the right (it's from ArtWave 2021 btw) - wouldn't it make more sense to put PinkHair near Dee? Also, Curiously enough, not only is she not close to Dee on this image, but she's also standing next to Ches.
Though this whole thing could be explained by art theory (too many small things in one corner of your drawing isn't great composition wise lol sorry PH) but I still can't quite skip this point
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2. Remember the "MOM" lady? Fun fact, she has the exact same pearl earring that PinkHair has on the screenshot.
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3. I'll put all similarities with her supposed parents in this point: Mother: * She's also pretty uh.. glam? for the lack of a better word? Or feminine in a traditional sense, yeah I think that's a better way to put it. Like colors they prefer to wear for example, and jewelry. Characters like that aren't common in Metal Family * She's gotta be a blonde. I can't imagine her being anything but blonde. If she manages to maintain that hair color as a brunette I'm just straight up assuming her character arc is gonna be killing God because these kind of people are capable of anything. I fear them with every fiber of my being. * I can't say for sure because of the shading, but it seems like they both have gray eyes, and she also has darker skin compared to most MF characters. Though, it's likely that Mom just applied a lot of fake tan Ches: * We know that Ches for sure has darker skin * AND grey eyes * There's also some possible personality similarities but I'm not sure if you can compare a child to a parent they've never really known in this way
That's about it, I suppose, I hope there isn't that many grammar mistakes and logically unfinished parts and whatnot in this post I forgot to edit lol x) I'm not sure how to end this post other than to remind you guys that almost all the points in this posts are inspired by the "тупая теория" highlight on the dee_girl_metalfamilyfan's Instagram page, so go check them out and subscribe, they post Dee x The Quest Girl fanart and and always credit the artists. Without them this post would be much, much shorter.
Thanks for reading this post, please feel free to let me know your thoughts on this post <3
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Hello there! I have a gigantic favor to ask u. I know that from the guys (måneskin), some of them quit school and some didn't. do u happen to know any more info on that, like who stopped what year and also (the favor) could u do a 'for dummies' version of the italian school system? very very briefly of course, cause I searched for it on my own and did not understand shit 😅
Thank u so much!!!!! much much love!!❤️❤️
Of course 😁😁 soo, the italian school system is a 13 years long nightmare journey divided in primary/elementary school (scuola elementare), from 5/6 to 10/11 years old, that lasts 5 years, thus '5 classes' (idk how to translate it, but for example if it's your first year you attend prima elementare or 'first elementary class' and so on). After that you have 3 years of middle school, from 10/11 to 13/14 years old, so again, '3 classes'. The last step is high school, which are 5 more years of school, from 13/14 to 18/19 years old, but this is where it gets tricky, because high schools are not all the same in italy, each of them teach different subjects, and we get to choose the type of school we want to attend during the third year of high school. In general we have the 'liceo' which is the school that you generally choose if you want to go to university or if you want a more 'generic culture' education and focus on latin, phylosophy, literature, hystory, art, maths etc. For instance, Vic, Damiano and Thomas went to a scientific liceo, which is a liceo, with focus on scientific subjects such as maths or chemistry, physics etc. Other types of 'liceo' are for example classic (you study ancient greek as well), linguistic (foreign languages), or artistic (the one that Ethan attended, and although it is named 'liceo' it is structurally very different, because they have a bigger focus on arts). Other than 'licei' there are the 'technical schools', which are schools with a traditional education but with focus also on a 'technical' aspect that can be commerce, tourism, mechanics, informatics and so on, so that you are already a bit oriented towards a job (you don't study latin, phylosophy, art hystory though). The last type of high school is 'professional school' which is very job oriented, and it basically teaches you the job that you want to do in the future. In general in the italian school system, when you enter a school, you get assigned to a class, and you spend the whole time in that school with the same 20-25 schoolmates (which means 3 or 5 years with the same people), and the scholastic program/subjects are the same for everybody and every class, so you don't choose your courses. During the year we get regularly tested with written and oral 'exams' and we get grades (from 1 to 10), and at the end of the year we recieve a 'pagella' or report card with the average score of all the grades we recieved for every subject during the year, and if we have sufficient grades (6 or more) for every subject we pass to the next year, otherwise we have to repeat the year. At the end of high school we also have this big final exam, called maturità, and if we pass it we finally get our degree.
Now, about måneskin.... from what I know (i'm not 100% sure), Thomas is the only one who has done the maturità and has a high school degree, we can see him study in the 'this is måneskin' documentary, but at the time I believe he was attending quarta superiore (fourth year of high school) so he wasn't studying for the maturità, but other exams. Damiano said that he didn't pass one or two years of high school, and he didn't get good grades in italian (which is ironic, since he can write so well), and after they went to x factor he never bothered to finish high school. Victoria and Ethan said that they wanted to finish school and get their degree, but i'm not sure they've done it yet, but they didn't mention it again.
Sorry for the terribly long post, when I start rambling I can hardly stop🙈🙈🙈🙈 thanks for the ask tho, and have a great day!😁🖤
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redsector-a · 3 years
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AO3 Ask Game
I was tagged by @themarshalstale which, thank you so much! I feel like I always get missed on these (I know why, it’s been 84 years since I published anything but still). 1. How many works do you have on ao3?
46 it seems. Which...look I’m slow man so that’s not surprising. lol Also crippling depression does not make for much production, at least for me.
2. What’s your current AO3 wordcount?
309662 according to the stats.
3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
So do I could only AO3 or in like life? lol I suppose it should only be on AO3 since this is an AO3 ask game. Hrm. Basically AO3 can be summed up as: Marvel (in several iterations - all Avengers related) Torchwood Highlander But isn’t it more fun to consider my entire fandom life, which, I’m sorry, I’m old so...yeah. Not all of this is was published and beyond that a lot is not available anymore...which is likely for the best. Highlander Star Wars Babylon 5 Ronin Warriors/Samurai Troopers Marvel (again, several iterations also of note Avengers and X-Men both count) Torchwood Star Trek LOTR Stargate (SG-1, SGA) Mortal Kombat I dabbled with the idea of Potter fic but never got past the ideas stage.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
1: You rearrange me till I’m sane Clint finds himself spiraling into a deep depression after the Battle of New York...until the Winter Soldier ends up saving him and inadvertently giving him a new purpose – to save the man that the Soldier had once been – Bucky Barnes. Not one to be outdone, the Soldier decides that his new mission is to ensure that Clint remains alive himself. Protecting a blonde man with a self-destructive streak is somehow very familiar to him. Through the back and forth of who is saving whom they cross the country and learn more about themselves and each other – and perhaps find a reason for living. 2: Five Dates Bucky Didn’t Realize He Was on And the One He Planned Himself To say that Bucky was surprised when Clint kissed him was an understatement. But it was nothing compared to the shock he felt when he learned they'd been dating for months without him realizing it.Clint gets whisked away for a mission before they have time to talk and Bucky is left to figure things out on his own - hindsight being 20/20 he can't help but wonder how he missed things the first go around.
3: Puck Luck Bucky Barnes is used to the ups and downs of an NHL season. He's used to the unpredictability of the game, knows that bounces don't always go your way, but that doesn't make a broken hand in the final third of the season any easier to deal with. Especially not when he ends up with an impromptu roommate/personal assistant in the form of one Clint Barton - his agent, Natalia Romanova's (rather attractive) friend he hadn't known existed before his injury.
It's just for six to eight weeks - what could possibly happen in that span of time?
4: Loose Lips Launch Ships
Based on the following prompt: “We go to school together and I think you’re cute and apparently you’re also the pizza delivery guy and my little sibling opened the door screaming hey sibling! you know that kid you’re in love with? you really weren’t kidding when you said his jawline could cut steel holy shit-” Bucky is the pizza delivery guy. Clint's younger (foster) brother has a big mouth.
5: Indelible Bucky Barnes has a pretty decent life – a good job, good friends, a cat that adores him - but something is missing. He’s always found body art to be beautiful and inspiring, and on a whim (and with the hope that maybe he can find what he’s missing) he decides to take the plunge and get a tattoo. That's how he meets Clint Barton. Clint's talented and compassionate and there is an instant spark between the two of them. It's not long before Bucky finds himself wondering and wanting more from the relationship despite the ghosts of the past that crop back up. Because Clint makes him feel normal in a way he truly hasn't for years...
(this was pre-Alpine so I was totally chuffed when canon confirmed Bucky’s status as a crazy cat lady (affectionate).
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not.
I really really really want to do it but I often times don’t end up doing it. There are a few reasons. First, I am akwward AF and bad at interaction adn I feel like just saying thank you would be...not enough? Second - I often times tend to like...turtle (aka retreat into myself) when life gets Too Hard/Busy which happens a lot to me (sigh) and then I miss the vague window in my mind in which it would be okay to respond and then it’s even more weird. I do love and cherish all of them. Like there was one months ago that made me go “hmm...I didn’t think I was going to do a sequel to that fic (You rearrange me till I’m sane), timestamp glimpses sure but a sequel hadn’t come to mind” but then the comment made me think! So...who knows? lol Anyway, I literally have been rereading some in an effort to try and get myself going again. Know that if you have commented, I love you.
6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
At the moment? Probably: Look at you look at me Bucky's in love with Clint - problem is he's really not supposed to be. For Winterhawk Week 2019 - Forbidden Love (I really don’t want to give away the spin in the fic but...if you’re familiar with the Secret Avengers Vol 2 run circa 2013ish (aka when SHIELD initially ‘took control of the team’) that’s a bit of a hint as to the spin). Were it done, Torch Song would be up there. ;) Torch Song Clint is sent back in time, via an alien device, to 1938. While he tries to figure out how to get back home, he takes up singing and entertaining to make ends meet and does his best to not disrupt the timeline.Then he meets a 21 year old Bucky Barnes. --- A torch song is a sentimental love song, typically one in which the singer laments an unrequited or lost love, either where one party is oblivious to the existence of the other, where one party has moved on, or where a romantic affair has affected the relationship.
7. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?
Does *wanting* to write crossovers count? lol I want, so badly, to do more crossovers and fusions (which...are kinda deeper versions of crossovers in a way). The only one I do have posted is a crossover between Highlander and Torchwood -
The Immortal Mr. Jones A series of vignettes (some long, some short) in the life of the newly immortal Ianto Jones. My most ambitions project that I have been working on since late 2011/early 2012 is a fusion of the Avengers with Stephen King’s the Stand. I will get that done at some point *shakes fist*  The Stand, for those who don’t know it, is an epic 1000+ page novel about a flu epidemic (I know) that wipes out over 99% of the population and then two figures representing Good and Evil pull the survivors in two directions for a showdown. So basically it’s a non-powered modern AU set in that universe. It’s a passion and comfort project. lol
8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Yes. Well, minor bitching back when I was in a prior fandom because I tagged a pairing in a fic but it was pre-slash and not labeled as pre-slash. I got hate on...I think it was Torch Song? And I’ve gotten hate on tumblr re me and my fic in general as well. Fandom! *jazz hands* Oh! And I’ve also been hit by those reviewers within Winterhawk (among general Clint pairings actually) who like rate you on either number scales or the “meh” scale. Which isn’t hate exactly but...it’s passive aggressive bullshit because I can’t believe none of them realize at this point that the authors can see their bookmarks - you know?
9. Do you write smut?
Yes. Do I write it well? I have no idea. lol
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I am aware of. Well...there was, I think, one of those reposting sites that had a few fics on it but I don’t think it was being passed off as someone else’s? I can’t quite recall. It’s why I have a note on AO3 about reposting my work anyway.
11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Not entirely, but sort of. Let me explain - I am part of a PBEM game; which for those unfamiliar since it’s a term that was most heavily in use 15-20 years ago, in which you basically do a round robin type writing thing but rather than everyone writing the same characters you write your own characters and you play off what other people have done. Another way of looking at it is  it’s basically DnD without dice and written down rather than done out loud. You also don’t have to all be around at the same time. It’s a lot of fun and yes I have been in it for 20 years even though there aren’t many of us left but they are some of my dearest friends and fabulous writers. Wins all around.  One of the other writers and I have actually toyed with the idea of doing a co-written fic actually, mostly because we work super well together and keep getting ideas for things but can’t really do them as rpgs since the pbem style isn’t used much anymore.
12. What’s your all time favorite ship?
Winterhawk probably. Though, let’s be real - Han & Leia are epic and amazing as are John & Delenn (from Babylon 5).
13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?
Does wanting to expand The Black Stallion books as a wee child count? lol Not much of that was written save for world building ideas but there was a great oral tradition of telling stories to my friends. Otherwise...maybe a tie between Star Wars and Highlander. Star Wars was a love since I was super young but the writing bug didn’t hit me until around the same time Highlander was a thing as well.
14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? You rearrange me till I’m sane for sure. Though Torch Song, if it were finished, would be tied I imagine (I suck at picking favorites). Honorable mention to Puck Luck and Indelible. Tagging: I have seen this like a million times (okay 5) so I feel like everyone has been tagged already that I know. But...I guess... @vexbatch @crazycatt71 @heartonfirewrites and @disruptedvice sorry if anyone has been tagged before.
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riisinaakka-draws · 4 years
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Progress gif of this:  “Would you still recognize me?”
The quality isn’t the best possible, but hopefully you get the idea how things evolved... It’s made from “the preview pics” that I saved in this painting’s draft/wip folder whenever I took a break or wanted to compare/remember something special - and also so that I’d know where I left things and wouldn’t have to open the actual psd file every time, lol. To make the gif size smaller and to have it flow better (and be less eye-hurting), I left some of the frames out.
I admit it, it’s quite fascinating to watch now after everything :D *pats myself on the back*
So that the post doesn’t become too long on the dash, I put some additional notes under the cut, mainly about the refs and wips if you want to take a look! Please, do not repost elsewhere :)
(Btw, you can just read the bolded parts if you want a quick version or get tired of the rambling.)
I want to point out that the main work always happens underneath all kinds of adjustment layers because I like to test things a lot during the process before sticking on something if I don’t quite know yet what I want. Like the colour scheme or where the light comes (or if there are multiple light sources) or if something needs more contrast etc. So I paint with simpler colours first, but already have some ideas/adjustment layers over them, but hidden and waiting until the basics are done. Then I merge things and continue to paint with the “new” colour palette.
I also often test filters to have more texture or bring out some things better - or just to find something interesting to incorporate! Accented edges, crosshatch and watercolor are things that I often test in some way over my sketches and wips at some point when the basics are done or when I need/want some kind of further effect/texture or just something to knit them together better and for balance. And also just for fun!
Then I flatten the things I like (or I am “certain about” at that point) and continue painting over that ...aaaand end up testing something else, keep different versions or parts of things on separate layer groups (to compare or to bring back some earlier things that I liked or alternative lighting solution or object/body part placement, or...) and so on...seriously it’s always a mess controlled chaos! aahahahaha *face palm*
But mainly the things keep building on top of each other instead of having neat groups for sketch, lineart, colours, lighting etc. I mean, I always try to start with that but never have been able to actually keep it very long... And on the other hand I’m too nervous and indecisive to paint with only single layer/canvas from the beginning with (like a traditional painting would be painted). Or with just a few layers for background, character(s), effects on their own and so on... So I have this chaos that swirls towards that something that I had preplanned or wanted to achieve/practise until I’m happy with it.
ANYWAY, BACK TO THE ACTUAL ART :
The original “spark” for this work was Flint at the end of the episode 1 with his bloody face and white shirt, and that nice splash of light, which made me think about the aftermath and him cleaning himself in the privacy of his cabin with some nice morning light painting his beard fiery and him lost in thoughts :) At some point that made me think of Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec’s beautiful painting “The Laundress” which I have liked since I was a kid, so I started to steer towards it.
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See the resemblance? (˵ ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°˵)ノ ✧*:・゚✧
Some of the refs for the bowl and Flint. The angle/posture ended up being a bit different and I had more refs for Flint’s face and shirt and hand etc.
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Some wips:
1) basically the idea and items that I wanted to include.
2) after a break (weeks? months?) and after I had searched some more references to help. The eyes were at this point (accidentally) absolutely awful so I censored them for the sake of my own peace of mind here, lol (not sorry!)
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More wips along the way, although not much difference can be seen as the pics are quite small.. :
3) I mirrored/flipped the painting constantly, to see the mistakes and also because I couldn’t decide which way I wanted him to be! This stage was aaalmost ready but I got stuck and forgot let it be for several months doing other stuff again.
4) I continued it, fixed lots of things with fresh eyes and experimented more with lighting and texture but nothing too drastic stuck in the end. I have two monitors and either (or both...) are calibrated a bit off atm, so it was quite frustrating to navigate and to know which one had the right colours that I was after... and I still don’t know but it looks nice on both screens so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯   At this stage things were basically nitpicking and a bit too much honing.
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The finished piece:
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In the end I lost some of the things I actually liked more in the earlier versions (for example some had more of a dreamy feeling or better texture or more emotions/wearyness/anger showing that didn’t quite reach the end result again) and I overworked some other things, but nevertheless! I’m very pleased how this turned out! I reached the vision I wanted and learned a lot again :D
Thanks for reading <3
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let's hear about FFVIII seifer, if you're still doing this XD
Why I like them: You know my tastes. A green-eyed man is introduced throwing fireballs around, is kind of a condescending jerk but in a fun way, instigates deep conversations on high ground while staring at the sunset...Well, before we even get to villainy, immolation, and redemption arc, I start going “Is this a favorite character?”  I’m joking...kind of. Some of that does factor in, even the fire. 
Okay, so my favorite thing about Seifer’s arc is that, in the limited focus he’s given, he’s complex and layered from the beginning, and his villain arc is a clear and fascinating illustration of “No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks” ….with a side of brainwashing.
Let’s break this down:
What are some of the words used to describe him by those that know him (by himself, by Squall, by Fuu and Rai)? Romantic. Idealistic. Sensitive. He is the one who believes in making a difference in the world--not just as a wish or goal, but as an imperative to do what your heart says is right even if it’s going to cost you--where Squall is just follow-the-orders-and-do-the-job. If you’re already reading this and objecting, I’m not saying Squall doesn’t care...obviously he does, defrosting Mr. Go Talk to a Wall and getting him to a place where he admits how many layers of mask he wears is his character development...but Seifer isn’t just a hothead. He wears his heart on his sleeve. 
Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to deny that Seifer can be an abrasive, self-serving, hypocritical jackass sometimes,  who can fight dirty, wants to “wreak some havoc,” and has a history as a bully--though, gentlefolk of the jury, I submit to the courts that he puts on a tough act like Squall does and they are both different flavors of trying to mimic toxic alpha male--but let’s not forget that some of his establishing character moments are throwing out his future to disobey orders because he sees that the higher-ups have possibly misjudged the situation and civilians could be in danger, and, again, going AWOL because he thinks Squall and Rinoa could be killed. And he calls himself the white knight and holds up a code of honor until the end, even though it gets twisted. He is about duty and honor, with honor even over duty.
Oh, this was only going to be the beginning. I haven’t even begun to touch on what I would want to touch on--this is just surface personality and the beginning of the game before we even get to joining Sorceress Edea, and even then not all I would say-- but this post isn’t actually supposed to be my Ted talk on what you missed if you just think of Seifer as a recurring boss fight. Let’s move on.
ONE MORE THING ACTUALLY. Even though we see a lot of Seifer at his worst, you can use Fujin and Raijin as a mirror. What do they say near the end of the game if we paraphrase/summarize? They knew pretty early on, before even the senseless slaughter and torture era that Seifer was going down a dark path with the sorceress, but they knew it wasn’t him and stayed with him, not because they agreed with his actions, wanted power, or out of fear, but to take care of him and try to break through to him--and not because they are saints, but because he, despite what had happened in the past year, is the type of person who deserves and inspires that kind of loyalty. Let’s think on that.
Now the rest goes under a read more, because I am going to keep rambling and be wordy
Why I don’t: He can be an asshole, and he’s an asshole in an embarrassing way. As in, if one is trying to say he’s not the little punk his KH counterpart is, you remember he still uses the insult chickenwuss (though that is a legacy insult/nickname since he’s known Zell since childhood--and, fyi, Squall uses it too) and he had a little gang in school. Even once he’s a military commander of an evil army set on world domination, he has some moments where his level of petty undermines him.
Favorite episode (scene if movie): The Dollet mission
Favorite line: Sorry, not sorry that the following is my favorite exchange of lines and that the prison torture scene is another of my favorite scenes. For context, Seifer has captured Squall, has him hanging up on the wall in crucified hero imagery, implied to be shirtless even though his character model isn’t because they talk about scar tissue or lack thereof from a recent shoulder injury/Squall being stabbed in the chest/shoulder area. Seifer has been electrocuting Squall for information. By this point, I might as well have put the whole scene here. Also, I am now going to blame Squall and Seifer text boxes in FFVIII for my own abuses of ellipses...
Seifer: " I was hoping you'd be there, Squall. So... how'd I look in my moment of triumph? My childhood dream, fulfilled. I've become the sorceress' knight."
Squall: [internal monologue] ...Sorceress' knight... ...His...romantic dream...? But... Seifer... Now, you're just a…[Out loud] "... torturer."
[Squall passes out.]
Seifer: "What did you say? [Steps closer] Passed out cold, eh? This is the scene where you swear your undying hatred for me! The tale of the evil mercenary versus the sorceress' knight!”
This isn’t just me all “mmm, tension.” Seifer has passed the moral event horizon, and it’s not just faceless NPCs that are collateral damage anymore. We’ve seen him on screen torture the protagonist, who is also one of the only people who he’s shown to have a real bond with that goes beyond superficial. Then we get this and see Seifer thinks he’s the good guy still, on a noble mission where he’s had to make painful sacrifices, and Squall is a representative of the power-hungry evil. Seifer’s been playing a different game, and had his will twisted via magic.
Favorite outfit: The Amano art where the white coat is cast off and he’s wearing the simple black shirt and black jeans under it. Symbolic? Maybe. I wouldn’t give up the coat though. I love the long white/gray coat, the outer embodiment of wanting to wear the white hat, but the desire easily getting tarnished, and the red cross that turns into a sword and becomes Seifer’s symbol and soon to appear other places, emblazoned nice and big on the sleeve. It’s the Cross of Saint James. TRADITIONALLY red represents the blood of Christ, the three lilies represent the honor of the apostle and reference Christ as lily of the valley, and the sword shape represents the torture that St.James suffered before his murder. HOWEVER, my opinion is that here it’s more vague/altered symbolism (For starters, there are other gods not the Christian God in this world) with a side of “looks cool.” We still have something that clearly calls to mind a mission from on high, innocence in the lilies, blood and blood cost, and then war/violence with the sword. And I love it. 
OTP: Seifer/Squall. I should not even start, but lest you think I am just in it for kinky torture scenes: We have these two who, in the beginning, are generally callous or mocking toward everyone, but make each other laugh/smile, see who each other are underneath and describe each other in “soft” terms even if they tease each other for it, repeatedly check in on each other to see if the other is okay, respect each other’s opinion and skills, and...you get the idea. In the words of Zell Dincht, I thought you two were rivals, but you’re all buddy-buddy. 
Pause for a second and let’s just say first impression. That opening fight where they scar each other’s faces? It takes place outside Balamb Garden and the area is shown so we see they are alone. Squall passes out. Squall wakes up in the infirmary within the Garden base. Squall has to explain what happened; people don’t already know. This kind of implies after Squall passed out, Seifer, bleeding from a head wound himself, picked Squall up and carried him home, allowing himself to collapse only when Squall was being safely tended to, because he’s that extra. This is his first (okay, second, after fireballs and face slashing) action in the game even though it’s offscreen. I mean, he could have also just called for help/ran for help, but that’s less fun.
 Seifer is so concerned with being a badass, but he’s admits to Squall all he’s ever wanted was to be the fairytale knight, not a mere soldier. Vulnerability and confession he wants romance....with the first time it’s brought up in game being while they are watching the sun set together, the traditional Square Red Sunset of Shipping. 
Seifer hesitates to defy orders, not for himself, but until he sees Squall is with him. Even though there were other “children of destiny” who all came from the same orphanage, Squall and Seifer were the ones who were never apart, never adopted until it was by a military/mercenary training program, and, even though it may speak more to brotherly than romantic from some angles, there’s a feeling of being the same, knowing each other down to the atoms, adopting an us against the world mindset that trumps trying to best each other when it comes down to it because they are the only constant. When Squall has his breakdown/ breakthrough of why he pushes people away/doesn’t let himself care/tries not to need anyone because people leave/are taken from him and he is scared he isn’t worthy of love and happiness until Rinoa challenges him, this may seem like a dismissal of Seifer, but you can also look at it from “I had no friends or family. I didn’t even have interest in speaking to anyone. I strived to be an unfeeling machine, because all emotion is pain...But also I couldn’t go 48 hours without seeing Seifer.”
Yeah, yeah, we know their main form of hanging out was beating the tar out of each other, but sometimes, especially in older media, this was its own brand of subtext. For more on how Seifer miiiight just view sparring let’s point out that “Isn’t this ROMANTIC?” and “Kneel” as a less easily interpreted as innuendo version of  “I want you on your knees” are battle quotes even in Kingdom Hearts sooo draw your own conclusion. 
We get a line where Squall makes it clear these were friendly matches looked at as pushing their limits beyond what they are allowed to in sanctioned spars, and he feels prepared to take on anything  now because of Seifer. Is it healthy communication  in real life? No! Is this real life? No! Plus, the facial scar was an accident, pretty clearly...on Seifer’s side...I could write another essay on how Seifer draws first blood, but it’s because on Squall’s failed block, AND THEN SQUALL GETS ANGRY AND RETALIATES WITH CLEAR PURPOSE AND MAKES THE OPENING SHOT INTO THE FIRST SIGN GOOD VERSUS BAD GUY ISN’T SO CLEAR CUT (even though they both shouldn’t have been going so hard in a friendly training match to begin with).
 Seifer’s later, repeated threats/expressed desire to give Squall additional scars once he goes evil? That is a different animal, and a horrible one, objectively. Not objectively? No comment. Okay, one comment. Mark you as mine. Two comments. He knows Squall’s lost some memories and he can’t stomach being the next thing forgotten so Squall needs physical reminders.
Hmmm, I was supposed to be talking about the ship, not just the sparring and scars. We can wrap it up with a Marge Simpson. “I just think they’re neat”
BUT ONE MORE THING
Squall’s jacket when he becomes Leon in Kingdom Hearts. His outfit is mostly the same, right? Except the back of the jacket now has a red patch of an emblem (of Rinoa’s angel wings, not Seifer’s cross...for the OT3 feel), and his fight with Sora he throws a fireball like Seifer’s signature. Just, you know, if you want bonus references/feeling.
Brotp: Fuu and Rai. They are willing to commit war crimes with this man, nurse him back from death’s door, and go into exile with him if he can’t return to a normal life even after a redemption arc. This section deserves to be long, but I am beginning to get talked out. Don’t take that as devaluing the friendship though. I’m glad he was allowed to keep his ride or dies in Kingdom Hearts. FRIENDSHIP! They love him, ya know?
Head Canon: What we see of him at the end of the game is a temporary situation and after he heals and refreshes for awhile he’d go back to Balamb and face consequences for his actions, and probably insist on consequences instead of leaning into “an evil sorceress bespelled me and slowly took my free will.” No hiding away in the wilderness. No crossing into and living his life in Esthar. No, “but in the end I broke free and would have been an active, onscreen part of saving the world if Square had let me join the party!” He would insist on being cast into a deep, dark cell. Squall uses pull to get him pardoned, but not before just, flat out, yelling at him for being a martyr.
Unpopular opinion: He did love Rinoa. It may have been a “shallow love,” but he wasn’t just dating her to pass time or because she played into his damsel who needs a hero mindset. There was emotion. He was prepared to die for her and Squall in Timber, and almost did--only being saved by Sorceress Edea...which wasn’t a kindness, but it all worked out in the end. Sure, he gets mind-controlled into using Rinoa as, basically, a human sacrifice and it isn’t Rinoa he wants stripped and brought to his room when we’re taking prisoners, but he cared about her. He does taunt her about their past relationship, but we’ve already established this is just part of his communication skillset.  Yes, I will elaborate more if asked, though it’s more feeling based than text based. 
A wish: If there’s ever a sequel, let him have put out the good in the world that was his dream and be seen as a hero. Let us see a matured and peaceful Seifer. 
An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: My one fear if they ever remake FFVIII instead of just porting it, is that some of the creative team have said they like the fan theory where you are dead part way through the game and the rest is a dying dream or purgatory. It’s creative stuff; I will say that. It’s not my favorite, and I don’t agree, but those kinds of fan interpretations when they go in depth are super cool. PLEASE LET THE INTEREST IN IT JUST BE THE SAME AS MINE OF THINKING IT’S CREATIVE BECAUSE MAKING THIS  CANON WOULD BE SO, SO BAD FOR EVERY CHARACTER.
5 words to best describe them: stubborn, misguided, paladin, romantic, petty
My nickname for them: I don’t really have one
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billyboymiki · 3 years
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5 Works Tag Game
Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and post or link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!
I got tagged by @tippenfunkaport and @caramelaire for this tag game!!
I’m not one to compliment myself on anything honestly. Recently I remember thinking about how I barely drew anything this year. There was a part of my brain nagging at me to check how much I had drawn last year. So, I uh did. Turns out I drew basically nothing?! I triple checked this in fact. My DeviantART, Tumblr AND my camera roll. Nothing . . . I drew 5 very basic pinback button designs and that was it. I couldn’t believe it; but, it made be feel so much better about what I did this year. Basically my whole instagram is all artwork from this year, since I am actually really new to IG. I got super close to 40 works this year!
Now onto the works! They are in order of when I drew them 😊
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Glimmer Inspired Patterns
I wanted to teach myself how to make patterns on Clip Studio so bad! I watched a couple of YT tutorials, and I can’t even remember why I decided to make She-ra ones specifically; I’m glad I did though! The Glimmer one means so much to me. Just looking at makes me so happy! The fact that so many people have now called it ‘aesthetically pleasing’ makes me feel as though I actually created a work that others could relate to. That was enough praise for me; to create something for myself that everyone else loved as well 💖
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Glimbow Cuddle
This was my first real She-ra artwork. When I saw there was a Glimbow Week again I knew I had to join this one. I don’t know if anyone knows this; but, drawings take me forever to make. I used to be strictly a traditional artist and still prefer to draw rough drafts on paper. I couldn’t decide if I wanted them on Glimmer’s window seat or in Bow’s dads’ library. I was afraid of doing backgrounds; so, both sounded absolutely terrifying. I decided to go for the fireplace even if it meant fancy lighting on top of the background aspect. I think I actually spent more time on the lighting that’s hitting Bow than on anything else in this picture. It was worth it though. I studied how the show did backgrounds and lighting for a while. I tried so many different attempts at how I wanted it to look and ultimately went with this one! I love it so much 🥺
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Bow’s list with doodles
Ah, yes the drawings I did for Tippen’s birthday!! I knew I wanted to draw a scene from ‘Tuna Cans’, but I was worried to try something like this. You see, I’m somebody that likes to stay in a comfort zone and only uploaded fully rendered perfect artworks. This year was the first time that I let the ‘fun’ aspect overrule my perfectionism. I’m so happy that I stepped out of my comfort zone for this, because I love Chibi styles so much. I can’t even explain the absolute joy I had drawing these. I didn’t tell anyone what I was up to, so it was just me laughing at myself for being an absolute goofball. The end result and everyone’s reactions were more than I could have ever expected. I’ve decided I’m going to revive this style soon as well so please look forwards to it!!
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Space Suit Squad
Okay, so I cheated a little with this one! I couldn’t just pick ONE of the squad. Honestly though, I drew these with the thought of making them into prints in the back of my mind. I taught myself how to draw a space background and I’m really proud of it! So much in fact that the one in the final pictures is the first and last one I ended up doing! If I had to pick my favorites I think I’d have to pick Glimmer, Bow and then Catra. I LOVE the way I draw Catra I don’t know why? Maybe the eyebrows I’m not sure 🤔 It took me a while to decide on expressions and poses; although, I figured these were the ones because I could look at them and go ‘yep that’s them.’
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Winter Glimbow
This one took me soooo long; I actually had to tell myself that I should put my pen down because it was done and I should stop touching it!!! I was sketching pictures in my sketchbook to make more patterns for my Redbubble account, and of course I’m like 100% Glimbow brainrot. My brain went, oooo you know what would be cute? If this skate was actually Bow’s and not just generic. So, I ended up sketching Glimmer’s as well. The heart that their skates make is like the cherry on the top for me, it had to be done! I’m not sure I did the background justice on this one? It doesn’t matter to me though because the concept was worth the effort. It was snowing here and I needed this picture like I needed air, even if it wasn’t even December at the time I posted it 🤣 I liked this one so much that I have similar ideas for the other seasons sketched out as well 👀
I’m sorry that I ramble so often. I’m like this quiet person; yet, it’s hard for me to get out everything I want to say? I’m horrible at it actually my brain runs at a hundred miles a minute and I’m not good with words most of the time. This turned out as more of a thought process than my actual feelings on each one I suppose. SO, in conclusion. I drew A LOT, I stepped out of my comfort zone, taught myself digital art and patterns. I let myself come to terms with the fact that not every piece of art has to be ‘perfect’. I drew at least 5 FULL backgrounds and I never used to draw them! I’ve also always been one for simple shading and lighting, and I do think there’s a time for that type of style, while other times sometimes a more difficult one might be appropriate. I’m glad that I did both because now I know I can do both, and they each give a characteristic that I adore 🥰 Thank you to everyone that has followed me through this journey, or just anyone who read my rambling! I have an honorable mention under the cut and some originals for anyone that made it this far! 💖
I’m not going to tag anyone; but, if you want to do this PLEASE do it. It was so great to reflect on what I did this year, it really surprised me and I think what you have done will surprise you as well! It’s been a rough year, and in the end we have been here supporting each other and that’s one of the most rewarding parts of being in a fandom! 💜
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Glimmer screencap redraw
Another picture where I really tested myself on drawing a background! I love it even if it killed my hand!! The background definitely took the longest on this one too. My sister literally said ‘Wait, you did the background? I thought you just drew her?!’ And that was the only validation I needed!! I ended up thinning out Glimmer’s outline so she matched the background better. If you use the vectors on Clip please use this feature! You can do the opposite as well, it’s super useful!
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Oh hi! Remember when I said I couldn’t decide between the two locations? Truth is, I also couldn’t decide if I was going to make it traditional or digital. I ended up getting really mad at the traditional version unfortunately. I haven’t gotten the hang of traditional backgrounds. In the end, I should have also done it in Copic and not cheap pencil crayons 😫
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Just some space friends! There is something so rewarding about traditional art. Yes, I can see the mistakes and the proportions are most likely off; yet, it doesn’t bother me? I wanted to also show these bonus drawings because nobody is perfect and I thought some of you might like to see some of my process. Being able to hold it in my hands is something I will never tire of, in a way it’s super rewarding. I keep all my art actually and sometimes I like the rough drafts more than the finished work 👀 Outlining artwork can actually ruin the charm every so often 😔 I do really love the final versions of these though!
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Annnnnd the last bonus!! As you can tell the final version stayed pretty true to my sketches! I almost went with a more realistic look and made the symbols ‘stitched’ onto the skates. In the end it felt like it didn’t fit the rest of the drawing unless I wanted to add extra details to the clothing as well. The wings on Glimmer’s skates turned into ‘Shwings’ PLEASE tell me other people know what that is? I had a pair a few years ago and misplaced them. I was doing the rough draft and it popped into brain and I treated it as a joke at first, until I gave it a proper chance XD In the end I fell in love with it!!!
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Kindred Spirit (Taehyung X You) (ONESHOT)
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A/N: The full version of the Taehyung fanfic, but I changed it a little from the preview I posted. Hope its okay 😘 also, im not sure whats an "er of their marriage" means exactly? But i take it their life after marriage? Ill make an epilogue of that soon! 😘
"Ive been an idol for years Y/N and you have never once come to see me perform? Dont you know people would die for all the free passes and tickets I left for you?!" Her bestfriend grumbles, hands crossed over his chest, his pout over an inch long.
Y/N laughs.
"Thats why I said you should give it to someone else thats actually have time to go watch you,"
"But you are my best friend. BESTFRIEND Y/N. How is is possible you never once saw me perform? And you dont even know any of my bandmates? How is that possible??" Yoongi keeps on grumbling in disbelief.
"Well.. Min Yoongi. I can give you an answer. Because I'm busy with real life okay. You know my appa wants me to take over soon. You know I dont do it on purpose right?" Y/N pouts, hoping if shes cute enough, or looks guilty enough Yoongi would actually forgive her.
"Nope. Your puppy face wont cut it this time,"
Damn.
"You are coming. And if I dont see you cheering your ass off tomorrow night, front row, our friendship is over. Over I say!"
And thats is why Y/N is running and pushing through the excited crowd of boys and girls in the stadium, trying to find her section. She made it! She almost didnt, but almost didnt matter. Shes here now. All dressed in her work clothes, with what is supposed to be called an Army Bomb in her hand,  something that her secretary shoved in her bag earlier, saying its a must have for an Army. She dont even know what an Army is!
As the show starts, Y/N jumps to the music, smiling proudly everytime Yoongi make an appearance. She has heard him rapped before, but she never seen him this charismatic. Its as if the man on stage is not even the dorky Yoongi she has known for years. And his band members... wow. All so talented, all so good looking.
As the concert ended, Y/N makes her way backstage, flashing the pass Yoongi gave her and make her way through series of dressing room, trying to find the one where the boys are in.
"Must be this one," she followed the door that has the most sound and lights to find the boys chatting, congratulating each other. "Uh, Yoongi?" Y/N calls out softly, feeling awkward. Is she even supposed to be here?
"Oh you are here. God, cant believe you actually made it!" Yoongi rushed over and gave her a tight hug. "Wait, I'll introduce you to the others, but I need to change my pants first. Wait here, dont move!" Before she could say anything, Yoongi has already ran off.
"Uh.. okay. Ill stay here I guess," she moved herself timidly to a corner and stands awkwardly, hoping no one would notice her. But wishes dont always come true.
"Hey, uh..." a guy, a very handsome guy, who Y/N recognizes as one of Yoongi's band members, but cant be sure who, approached her.
"Uh.. yes? A-am I not supposed to be here? Im sorry. Im just waiting for Y-"
"Oh, no. I just want to ask you. Wheres the bathroom?"
"Huh?" Y/N looks at the guy curiously. Is he for real? He had a three day back to back concert here and today is the third day. And he doesnt know where the bathroom is? And he is asking... her? Y/N laughs before answering. So weird.
"Uh.. I-"
Smack.
"You know very well where the bathroom is you idiot. What are you talking about?" Yoongi who just came back smacked the guy's head.
"Ouchhh, hyunggg," he pouted, rubbing his head.
"Serves you right. Thats the worse and most cringy pick up line ever!"
"Hyunggggg, shut upppp," the guy eyed Y/N shyly and glares at his hyung and turn his attention back on her. "S-sorry. I just wanted to talk to you but I dont want to scare you off," he grins sheepishly.
"Oh, its okay. Im not a stalker. I'm here because Yoongs invited me. I'm Y/N," she hands out her hand for a handshake. "And no, I dont know where the bathroom is," she giggles.
Yoongi rolls his eye and smacks his forehead at the lame attempt of flirting the younger man is doing.
"Hi Y/N. I'm Taehyung," he grips her hand and shakes it. "Kim Taehyung. And I'm the guy you will be having coffee with tonight," he grins.
/////
"Okay, so do you have a boyfriend?"
"No appa, I dont," Y/N sighs, frustrated.
"Then uh.... do you not like men? I mean, Im okay with that sweetheart, as long as you are happy..."
Y/N smile a little. Her appa is the most adorable man ever existed.
"Appa, no!" She giggles.
"Okay, okay. Im just asking. You know I will support you always princess," her appa smile and she can see a small sigh of relieve. "Then what is it sweetheart? Why are you so against this marriage with Hyun Dae?"
"Well, for one, I think arranged marriage is so old school appa," she pouts. "We are not living in the 60s or 20s or whatever year you and eomma are from,"
"How old do you think we are? The 20s?!" Her appa laughs. "Arranged marriage is not so bad you know,"
"Its not bad at all. I actually found the love of my life," her eomma gets up from the couch and link arms with her husband. "Although he is quite annoying at first," she laughs. Y/N's appa leans and kiss the top of her mothers head.
"Its the best decision ever," he smiles.
Y/N roll her eyes. It is well known between their family, friends and community that her parents are as in love as ever. They were from two wealthy family, arranged to be married, and lucky for them, they were each other soulmates.
"Appa, eomma, just because you two are lucky doesnt mean everyone is,"
"But sweetheart, Hyun Dae is everything a man can be. Hes very kind, smart, hes taking over his appa's business, he loves animals, arts, kids. Everything that you like. And plus, you two are quite close too. Why are you so against it?"
Y/N sighs.
"I dont know. Maybe a little part of me wants that traditional love story you know? To fall madly in love with someone and then get married?" She sighs and lays her head on her elbow. Her parents look at each other before her eomma approached her slowly, stroking her hair slowly.
"Sweetheart... are you in love with someone?"
"Well..." Y/N scratched her neck, avoiding their intrusive eyes. Her lips immediately curl into a small smile as an image immediately pops inside her head. Boxy smile, deep voice, always happy, positive outlook on everything. The one guy who made her deeply fall in love.
"Oh my dear, who is it? Why didnt you tell us?" Her eomma smile widely, clapping her hand in excitement.
"Well.. its uh.. because I dont know if he feels the same way..."
"Have you told him yet? Whoever this lucky person is?" Her appa take a step closer to her, smiling. His princess' happiness is everything to him.
"N-no. Not yet. I dont know. Should I?"
"You should sweetheart. Or how else would he know? And he most definitely feels the same way,"
"Do you think so appa?"
"I know so," he smiles. "Who in the world wouldnt fall in love with you sweetheart?"
Y/N smiles. Her parents are the best.
"Then I'll tell him. I'll tell him tomorrow,"
/////
"I like you Taehyung,"
A few moments past without either one saying anything. The air that pricks her skins feels colder. But nothing is colder that Taehyung's stare that is emotionless in front of her right now.
"Uh.. what? I heard you wrong I think," he laughs awkwardly.
"I... like you Taehyung,"
"Well, I like you too. Of course. You are one of my closest friends," Taehyung smiles. Y/N feels her heart suffocating but still puts on a brave face. Maybe he dont understand what she meant. Taehyung can be oblivious sometimes.
"I like you Taehyung," Y/N says it much clearer this time. "I.. love you. I love you Kim Taehyung. Like for real,"
"Listen..," he sighs after a few moment of silence. "I'm really flattered that you uh.. have feelings for me. And I know we have developed some degree of friendship, but... you thats what you are... just a friend," he looks at her with his deep gaze. "Yoongi's hyung friend to be exact,"
"Yoongi's friend?" Y/N looks at him, eyes filled with confusion. "After all this time. Is that all I am to you Tae? Your hyung's friend?"
"You know what I mean Y/N. You know how we met-"
"Yeah, I know how we met Tae.. but I though after all these time and moments we had..."
"That I would think of you as more? That I would fall in love with you?" Taehyung sighs. "I'm sorry if you felt like I lead you on. Thats just me. I'm just friendly. Im this way with everyone. But come on Y/N. Look at the facts. How can I be with you? I'm a worldstar, and you are well... you,"
Y/N felt like Taehyung just stabbed hee heart a million times. What does he mean that shes just.. her? Whats so wrong about being her?
"I enjoy our friendship, our interaction Y/N, but no more than that. And I am sorry to say that I am in a relationship. We havent gone public yet, but we are planning to, by this week,"
"I-in a relationship? With who Tae? A-and you didnt even bother to tell me? After all the time we spent together?" Y/N feels like screaming, but she knows she has no right to do so. All she can do is hold in her tears that can easily burst at any time.
"I think you know her," he smiles. Oblivious to the pain that Y/N is feeling.  "Oraia. The new idol,"
"Oraia?" Oh Y/N knows the girl perfectly well. Pretty, fashionable, great at singing, dancing. Any guy would kill to have her. Including Taehyung it seems.
"I-I have to know Tae. W-why her? H-how?" Y/N managed to choked out her question.
"Oraia is the perfect girl for me," Taehyung smile at the thoughts of her, proving how in love he is, making Y/N's heart breaks even more. "An idol, beautiful, talented, shes basically the female version of me. So I'm sorry, but you..." Taehyung stops, trying to find the right word to describe what hes saying. "You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"
"You are not a worldstar when I met you. You are not that like this when I met you," Y/N said softly, holding in tears. "We are not that much different from each other Tae,"
Taehyung gave a sad smile, no, a pity smile, before standing up, ready to leave.
"You can think whatever you want Y/N. But if you ever think we can be together..." he sighs and looks at her and gave her another pity smile. "If only things were different. In another world, maybe we would have been together.Goodbye Y/N,"
/////
Y/N closes her eyes, tears rolling down both her cheeks, already mixed together with the pouring rain as she walks home. Maybe the rain will wash away her feelings for Taehyung. Her stupid feelings for Taehyung. Different world? Taehyung's world is what she wanted to avoid her whole life. Glitz, glamour, fame, riches... Y/N cries out as loud as her heart wanted, thankful no one can hear her in the heavy rain. Shes just not enough for him. Thats the real reason. And she will never be for Kim Taehyung.
Days passed and Y/N has been locked up in her room ever since that disasterous day. Her parents have given up trying to find out what happen and finally left her alone.
And this week is finally the week Y/N dread the most. All the entertainment news, magazines, gossip websites are buzzing with the announcement that has just been made all week.
Y/N looks at the glossy pictures of the scattered tabloids in front of her again. The intimate pictures getting blurry as her eyes gets wetter. Taehyung's voice replayed in her brain like a broken record.
"That I would think of you as more? That I would fall in love with you?" Taehyung sighs. "I'm sorry if you felt like I lead you on. Thats just me. I'm just friendly. Im this way with everyone. But come on Y/N. Look at the facts. How can I be with you? I'm a worldstar, and you are well... you,"
"An idol, beautiful, talented, shes basically the female version of me. So I'm sorry, but you..." Taehyung stops, trying to find the right word to describe what hes saying. "You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"
With a deep breath, she crumples the pages that reflects the beautiful relationship that is Taehyung and Oraia, wipe her eyes and walked downstairs to where her parents are drinking tea, enjoying their evening in their luxurious lounge.
"Oh Y/N. You are finally out. How are you feeling honey? Want to join us sweetheart?" Her mother looked up from the magazine shes reading and smile, her father the same, offering her a seat besides them.
"N-no. Thanks though. And I feel better," she gave a small smile. "Eomma, appa, I have something to tell you guys," she said, heart beating fast.
"What is it honey?"
"Appa, eomma, I have thought it through. I agree to your proposal. I agree with the arranged marriage to Hyun Dae,"
Her parents looks at each other, surprised.
"Sweetheart, are you sure? You dont have to rush into this. You should take your time and think i-"
"No appa. I am sure this time," she gave a smile, hoping it would convince them. "I want to marry Hyun Dae. I think he and I will make a very happy marriage,"
"W-well.." her eomma looks unsure. "Okay.. then,"
"If you are sure sweetheart. Then we will start setting it up," her appa stood up and hugs her. "Just know that we both love you so much and want nothing but your happiness,"
Y/N nods slowly, tears brimming in her eyes, softly she whispers,
"Me too appa, me too..,"
/////
Tupp. Tupp.
Y/N looks over the sliding door that opens up to her huge balcony. What is that sound? Panicking, she grab the first thing she can reach, a hairbrush, and walk slowly to the glass sliding door.
Tupp. Tupp.
The sound continue. Taking a deep breath she bravely slides open the door.
"Ouchhh," she rubs her head. "What the hell?" She looks around to find what hit her. "A pebble?"
"Oh no, did I hit you?" A voice called out. Y/N looks over the balcony.
"Hyun Dae? What are you doing here? Its 2am!"
"I, uh.. I want to talk to you," he grins.
"Theres this thing call a telephone you know? Or a front door? Havent use one of those?" She glares and Hyun Dae laughs.
"Sorry. I just thought this Romeo and Juliet shit is romantic you know?" He laughs and Y/N rolls her eyes. "Can you come down? Lets take a walk in your garden,"
"Come down from here? Like Rapunzel?!"
Hyun Dae laughs. "Oh my god, how are you so adorable? Of course not! Use the front door silly,"
Y/N giggles. "Okay. Be right there,"
A few minutes later, they were strolling in Y/N's family flower garden, inhaling the fresh night air.
"So? What is it you want to talk about that cant wait until daylight?"
"Well," Hyun Dae stop walking and pull her hand, sitting her down on the stone bench. "I just want to do it properly and formally," he smiles and kneels down in front of her, holding her hand.
Y/N looks at him, both nervous and confused.
"Y/N, you dont know how truly happy, grateful, excited, speechless, ecstatic I am that you agreed to marry me. I have been in love with you since forever," he smiles and blush slightly. "And I know this is just an arranged marriage to you, and you dont love me. But right here, right now, I promise you, that I will make you the happiest girl alive, that I will love you despite everything and anything, and everything you wish for princess, is my command,"
Y/N feels her heart beats faster.
"L/N Y/N, will you marry me and make me the luckiest man ever lived?"
Without a doubt, without a single second of hesitation, she nodded.
"Yes, yes, definitely yes,"
/////
"You look distracted. Whats wrong?" Yoongi glance at Taehyung whos just staring blankly at his mirror as they are changing and cleaning up their makeup.
"Uh... nothing hyung," Taehyung quickly pretends to clean up his things.
"Its not nothing. You have been distracted for a few weeks now. I didnt want to say anything because I thought you would snap out of it but its just getting worse,"
"Its really nothing hyung!" Taehyung snaps and plop down on his chair, sighing. Yoongi shrugs and decide to give him some space. "Err.. hyung?"
"Yeah?"
"Why..uh... why doesnt Y/N come over to our shows anymore?" Taehyung finally open up his mouth to ask. Since that first time they met, she has always been around, cheering for them, right at the front row. But after her confession, he didnt see her anymore. Yeah, he felt bad about what he said and he tried calling, texting, video calling.. but nothing. Shes totally ignoring him. He wanted to meet her at her house, or her work place, until he realized he didnt know where to go. In fact, he didnt know anything about her. All the time they hung out, he only always talk about him. His life, his problems. Him. As if its that interesting. He sighs again.
Yoongi side eyed him.
"Is that what disturbing you? Y/N?"
"N-no. Im just curious,"
"Oh, okay then. Then the answer is, I dont want to tell you," Yoongi picks up his stuff and walk off.
Of course. Of course his hyung knows. Yoongi and Y/N are best friends afterall. Taehyung sighs. Well, maybe he deserves this. But still... he doesnt want to admit it to anybody, even himself, but deep down, he miss her. Really miss her.
/////
"Okay guys, lets go. We need to get ready," Namjoom clap his hands as a way to make his members make their way to the dressing room. Its awards season finally, and they need to get ready for their stage. Taehyung makes his way with his hyung to the back of the stage, wishing for all this to be over soon. He really wants to just rest his head.
As he was putting on the final touches he turns to the door and saw Y/N standing there, all dressed in a beautiful gown, fit for an award show. His first thought is, wow, and the second is that his eyes are playing tricks on him. But as Y/N makes her way inside and hugs Yoongi, he knows this is  reality. Taehyung smiles. He cant help it. Did Yoongi told her about what he said a few days back and now shes here to see him?
Taehyung walks over the moment he gets the chance to get her alone.
"Hey," Taehyung smiles.
"Um.. hey," Y/N smiles awkwardly.
"So, why are you here? You miss me or something? Or are you stalking me?" He laughs.
"No, I'm actually h-"
"Hey baby, there you are. The crew said you went in first," A handsome guy, and obviously a chaebol makes his way to them, giving Y/N a kiss on the cheek and hugging her waist.
"Hi babe," she smiles. "Yeah, I went in to see Yoongi. Its time you meet my mysterious bestie,"
Taehyung was silenced, eyeing the man up and down. Baby? Cheek kissing? Waist hugging? Who is this guy?
"Oh is this Yoongi?" He smiles and held out a hand. Taehyung took it reluctantly.
"Oh no no. This is Kim Taehyung. Hes uh... Yoongi's band member,"
Yoongi's band member? Thats all he is??
"Oh okay. Hi, I'm Hyun Dae," he smiles and shakes Taehyung's hand before hugging Y/N's waist again. Taehyung felt like pulling off his arm, and he dont know why he felt that way.
"Lets go meet Yoongi," Y/N smiles and bows to him and move over to Yoongi, leaving Taehyung still staring at them. Once Yoongi and Hyun Dae are caught up in a conversation, Taehyung immediatly grab Y/N by the elbow and drag her to the side.
"Ouchh. What the hell Tae?!"
"Are you seriously this petty?" Taehyung scoffs.
"Petty?? What are you even talking about?"
"Fine, I rejected you. So now you are bringing this... this... stuck up someone here for what? To show me that you have moved on? To make me jealous?" Taehyung scoffs again. "As if,"
"What?!" Y/N looks at him in disbelief. "God Taehyung, you are so full of yourself! Hes not stuck up! And I'm not here for you!"
"Yeah right," Taehyung smile sarcastically. "So, hyung told you I asked and the next show you brought a man over? Please Y/N, have some pride,"
"What are you even talking about? Yoongs never talked about you. At all! Im here becaus-"
"Oh Taehyung, you have already met," his manager interrupted the conversation and bows to Y/N as Hyun Dae join her side. "Okay guys, gather round. I think all of you must already know about The Empire. As you know, their company owns and organized all show events in Korea and is one of the biggest in the music industry, among others. The president cant make it, so his daughter is here instead. And she and her fiancee just wants to meet all the artists her tonight to express their gratitude,"
Y/N and Hyun Dae bows and smiles to everyone as Taehyung stands frozen in place, the only thing he can hear is 'fiance'. Y/N is... engaged?
And... shes an heir?
"You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"
Yeah, they are worlds apart. He was right. But the truth is, Taehyung is the one whos way beneath her.
/////
"Lets go, lets go peopleeee," Namjoon clapped his hands a sign for them to get moving. Taehyung and the rest of the members climbed up their black van, still yawning from having to wake up early in the morning. They are off to another country for a month for their variety show shoot. A special content, the management said. Something to do with their new sponsors. Taehyung never really pay attention to all the boring details, all he knows is, he will do what he is asked to do, no question asked.
But as they land and making their way out from their private plane, Taehyung, still half asleep, need to take a double take when he saw Y/N and her fiance at the arrivals, standing atound with the crew, their luggage all around them.
"H-hyung?" He nervously tapped Yoongi's shoulder.
"What?" Yoongi grumbled, still cranky from being awaken from his beauty sleep on the plane.
"Are my eyes playing tricks on me or is that uh... Y/N?" Taehyung really wished he has gone crazy. Thats he is seeing things. That Yoongi will look at him funny and tell him theres no Y/N. And Yoongi did look at him funny, but his answer is totally not what hes expecting.
"Dont you know? Her father's company is our new sponsor for the show and they are here to monitor the shoot,"
Taehyung stopped in his tracks. He dont know why the news startled him. It shouldnt be affecting him at all. Right? Even he dont understand what he is feeling as he looked over to Y/N and Hyun Dae smiling at each other. Anger? Sadness? Happy? He cant be sure. But one thing he knows for sure, its going to be one hell of a month.
/////
"So... you arent going to tell me that you are engaged?" Taehyung jogged lightly, to catch up with Y/N whom he saw is taking a morning walk from his hotel roon window. They have free schedule for the first day and what luck, the first thing he saw this morning is Y/N, alone. Without that stupid chaebol.
"Oh, uh hi Taehyung," Y/N, startled at his presence, give a small smile and a polite bow.
"Hi Y/N," he smile. Honestly, he missed her. Well, they were pretty close before. As friends. Yes, of course as friends and nothing more! Taehyung reminded himself. "But seriously, you are never going to tell me you are engaged?"
"Do I have to?" Y/N raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I'm not even sure if I'm your friend or yoongis friend or whatever, you know? And I dont think you be interested to know anyway," she picked up her pace but Taehyung managed to catch up.
"What do you mean?! Of course I wanna know! And of course we are friends! And you didnt think to tell me that you father own half of Korea's music industry?" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
"Well, you never ask. And I'm not one to go around telling people my family history Tae," she shrugged. "Afterall, why would a worldstar want to know about someone who is from a different world than him, right?"
Okay, he deserved that.
"Okay, Y/N, look," he pull her hand, stopping her from walking. "I am sorry about what I said that day. I dont know what I was thinking. I was startled by your confession. To be honest, the months I spent without seeing you at all, well... I missed you. I miss you, okay?"
Y/N sighed. Why is he doing this to her? Her heart is still recovering. Still trying to erased every love she felt for him.
"We are going to spend a whole month working together. Stuck in a small island. Why dont we be friends again? Hmm?" He made his famous puppy eyes, blinking his eyes rapidly, lips pouting. "Pleaaaase? Taetae is sorrryy,"
Y/N tried to keep a sttaight face but burst out laughing. She can never say no to that face.
"Fine Tae. You know I cant resist that stupid face," she laughs.
"So, friends?" Taehyung held out a hand and Y/N shakes it.
"Of course, friends,"
As he shakes her hand, smiling ear to ear, Taehyung realized, he had never felt this happy, and it scared him.
/////
They might have rekindled their friendship, but Taehyung couldnt get even 10 minutes alone with her without being disturbed by Yoongi or Hyun Dae, and its pissing him off. Worse, he have to watch all the romantic moments between the two love birds, and trust him, Hyun Dae is really not afraid to show his affection, its making him wants to throw up.
Suprising Y/N with flowers on set, setting up a special candle light dinner when the whole crew is eating, suddenly gets on stage in the middle of dinner and sing her a song. And that motherfucker can even play a guitar and he look damn good playing it too. Taehyung swore all the girls there are swooning over him. But what he hates most is all the admiring whispers.
"Y/N is so lucky"
"Hyun Dae is the perfect guy"
"I wish I was Y/N"
Urghhh. Annoying.
It also doesnt help that his relationship with Oraia has gone stale. Yeah, they text everyday, call each other every night. But nothing she says interest him. Taehyung mostly tune out whatever shes saying during their phone calls, eyes focusing on what Y/N is doing. The way she laughs when she talks to someone, her clusmy ways of doing things, her passion while working. All that is more interesting to him than his own girlfriend. His supppsedly perfect, beautiful, girlfriend.
It must be the island. He hasnt seen Oraia for almost a month now, and hes stuck here for all that time. Of course it will put a strain on his relationship. Yes, that must be it.
But as his heart bubbles with jealousy as he watches Y/N and Hyun Dae running around the beach, Hyun Dae catching Y/N by the waist and lift her up to kiss her, Taehyung knows for sure, that it is definitely not it.
/////
Taehyung tossed and turned for hours and after eventually still failing to fall asleep, he decide to take a walk by the beach. The moon is out and the breeze is welcoming. Its a good night to walk and collect his thoughts.
As he walked slowly along the beach, the cool air blowing his hair, he saw a figure sitting alone by the beach, eyes closed, enjoying the midnight breeze. Taehyung immediately smile.
Y/N.
"Hey," he approached her slowly and smile.
"Oh, Tae. Hi," she smiled back. "What are you doing here at this hour?"
"I cant sleep. What about you? Isnt it dangerous for a pretty girl to be alone so late at night?" He smile.
Y/N laughs.
"Its a private island Tae. I think its kinda safe. And you know I usually cant sleep and the sound of the ocean calms me down,"
Taehyung does know that. Back to the days when they use to spend so much time together, they always sit by the beach and talked. Well, usually, he will be the one who do the talking, because all he cares about is himself. And his problems. And Y/N always listen. To all his weird ramblings, his peculiar thoughts that people usually laugh at. Even Oraia sometimes makes fun of him. But Y/N listen to them all. Understand him even. Why didnt he realized that before?
"Well... can I join you?"
"Of course. Have a seat," she patted down the spot besides her and Taehyung makes himself comfortable. They talked and talked, laughter filled up the night air and Taehyung cant seem to care about anything else other than that moment.
"Oh god, my tummy is hurting from laughing so much," Y/N said, still giggling from what Taehyung said. "I forgot how funny and weird you are Taetaeee,"
Taehyung smile and looked at her, staring deeply at her laughing face.
"Its nice,"
"What is?" Y/N who has stopped laughing, asked him, confused.
"Hearing you call me Taetae again," he smile, making Y/N blushed.
"W-well, that is your name,"
"Yeah, yeah. It is," Taehyung smile, still staring at her. "Y/N? Are you happy?"
"Right now? Yeah I am. We have been laughing for hours Tae. Of course Im happy. Whats wrong with you?" Y/N giggles, trying to toned down the awkwardness shes starting to feel.
"No. I mean, are you happy? Like really happy? With Hyun Dae? Does he makes you happy?"
"H-hyun Dae?" Y/N was taken aback from the sudden question. "Uhh, of course I am, hes my fiance, of course he makes me happy Tae,"
"Really? Then why did you stutter?" Taehyung still looks at her, straight into her eyes with his sharp gaze.
"I- I did not stutter! Whats wrong with you Tae? You are being weird. But not normal weird," Y/N starts to dust off the sand off her, preparing to get up. "Its getting late. We should go in,"
Taehyung grab her hands, standing up with her.
"Do you love him? Do you love Hyun Dae?"
"Why are you asking me that Tae? You are being weird!" Y/N tries to shake off his grip but he held on tighter.
"Answer the question Y/N. Do you love him?"
"Hyun Dae is amazing! He cares for me. He loves me. He knows what I like, sweet, romantic, p-"
"But do you love him?"
"I-I," Y/N stuttered. "I dont need to answer that!" Y/N tries to pull her hand again but to no avail.
"You cant answer it because you dont love him. And you cant lie to me," Taehyung smile.
"You are crazy. Let my hand go Tae," Y/N insisted. "It has nothing to do with you!"
"But it does Y/N. It does, because you dont love him. Because you love me," Taehyung state matter of factly. "You always did and you always will Y/N,"
Y/N was speechless, shocked, surprised, that Taehyung would bring it up again. Tears starts to sting her eyes. She has never felt more hummiliated. Is Taehyung making fun of her? Of her feelings? She thought they were friends again. Why is he doing this to her?
"Just let me go!"
"I cant, and I wont,"
"Why?!" Y/N is crying now. She dont understand why Taehyung is being this way. "To hummiliate me even more? To make fun of my feelings for you?"
"What? No!" Taehyung cant believe Y/N would think of him to be that cruel. But maybe he deserved it. "Because I love you Y/N!" Taehyung pull her hands, making her fall into his arms and he immediately cup her face and captured her lips with hers. The kiss has never felt more electricfying. Taehyung felt goosebump all over his body, he hears fireworks went off everywhere. And right at that moment, he knows that hes in love.
But the moment only last for a split second when Y/N, tears already spilled down her cheeks pushed him away hard and slapped him across the face.
"Get away from me Kim Taehyung!"
Was the last word she screamed out before she ran away into the darkness.
/////
Taehyung almost went crazy trying to finish the rest of the shooting. After that fateful night, Y/N took the earliest flight home the next morning, leaving Taehyung with no way to contact her at all. No reply to his texts or his calls and he cant even get away from his stupid schedule to find her at home. He was lost.
Its the very first time in his life that he has seen things so clearly. He is in love with Y/N. And she left him being so lost.
It also doesnt help that after Taehyung told Oraia that he wants to break up, his crazy ex girlfriend bombared his calls, his texts, his friends, even his manager with texts begging to take her back. She even went so far as to include the media, giving sad interviews, crying her eyes out. Taehyung wondered how he didnt notice how crazy Oraia is. Maybe its true what they said, love is blind. But what they had isnt love. It never was. They both know they got together just because they seemed to look perfect for each other. Thats not love, and Oraia is just mad that shes no longer one half of the industry perfect couple.
/////
"Hey Tae?" Yoongi knocks on his hotel room, peeking his head. Theres still a week left of shooting, but Taehyung's heart is no where in it. All he wanted to do is to go back home, find Y/N and begged for her forgiveness until she takes her back. Hes going to convince her that he loves her. He really do. And not because he pity her, or because hes jealous of her relationship with Hyun Dae, but because he just realized it now. That from that moment he asked her where the bathroom is, hes already in love. Y/N has already caught his eyes, and heart from that first night at the concert, but he is too busy chasing his fame and title to realized it.
And now it might be too late.
Taehyung might have already lost the love of his life, forever.
"Yeah hyung?" Yoongi make his way in and sit on Taehyung's bed.
"Did something happen between you and Y/N? Did she going back home early has anything to do with you?"
Taehyung looked at his hyung with tired eyes. No longer bother to pretend or curious why his hyung us asking.
I told her I love her...." Taehyung said, tears stinging his eyes at the memory. "And she thinks I'm just playing her,"
Yoongi sighed.
"Are you?"
Taehyung sits up and hugs a pillow, looking at Yoongi with teary eyes.
"No hyung. Of course not. I really do love her. I love her so much. Im just too stupid to realized it then," he sniffles. "And now, I have to wait until this stupid shoot is over to win her back hyung, because shes not answering my calls or my texts. And I swear hyung, I will do everything to win her back from that Hyun Dae,"
Yoongi sighs again, looking away before looking back at the younger man.
"Tae... Y/N is getting married today. She suddenly said she wants to get married as soon as possible, doesnt matter if its a small wedding. She just wants to get married. Today,"
Taehyung looked at his hyung, eyes widen, not believing what hes hearing.
"I-I have to go hyung," he suddenly gets up.
"Go where Tae? What are you doing?"
Taehyung grabs his bag, not thinking anymore.
"To stop the wedding hyung, to win back the love of my life,"
/////
Y/N looks at her reflection in the mirror. Even with last minute preparations, her mother managed to do everything perfectly. Her dress, her makeup, her hair, her flowers, even her dressing room is perfect. Y/N smile to her reflection. But she knows its only superficial. Its a smile she puts on to convince everyone, to convince herself, that shes making the right decision. The right choice.
That shes happy.
And she know Hyun Dae will make her happy.
He have to.
"Dont marry him,"
Y/N turns around to find Kim Taehyung by the door. His hair a mess, shirt crumpled, eyes bloodshot from crying.
"T-Tae..."
"Dont marry him Y/N," he move closer to her. "Dont do it. Please. Please Y/N,"
"Taehyung, what are you doing here?" Y/N feel tears prickling her eyes. Why is he here. Why now? Why today?
"To tell you I love you Y/N," Taehyung sniffles and take her hand. "T-to tell you to not marry him. Dont marry him Y/N,"
"I-I cant Tae," Y/N shakes her head. "Hyun Dae deserves all the happiness in the world. He treats me so good Tae,"
"Then what about you? You deserve happiness too. Happiness with me Y/N,"
Y/N close her eyes and shakes her head. Why is Taehyung telling her all the things shes dying to hear before? But its all too late now. Too late.
"Marry me Y/N. Marry me. And I'll make you the happiest woman in the world. Marry me," Taehyung sobs and kneel down on his knees, begging, hand still holding hers.
Y/N starts to shake, trying to hold in her tears but it rolled out anyway, flooding her face.
"D-dont do this to me Tae. You dont love me. You dont. You dont!"
"I love you Y/N. I love you I love you I love you! I know I realized it too late. And thats my mistake. But I swear to you, that I'll spend forever making it up to you," Taehyung begs desperately. He cant lose her. He cant! "Please. Please, dont marry him Y/N. Please..."
Y/N closes her eyes. Tears rolling down her face, no intention of stopping. She wanted to say yes. God, how she wanted to say yes. How easy it would be. To be with the man he love. The man he had dreamed of. But she cant. Its not fair to Hyun Dae. And its not fair to her. To her heart that Taehyung has broken to pieces.
"Im sorry Taehyung... I cant," Y/N let go of his hand, tears dropping on the floor, wetting her beautiful white dress.
Taehyung felt like his whole world shattered to pieces. Thats it. Just two words. "I cant" and he lost her. He lost the love of his life.
After felt like an eternity, he stood up, face still wet with tears but a smile on his face.
"You look beautiful Y/N," he smile. "You always do.
Y/N sobs hard, her whole body shakes.
"Be happy Y/N. Hes an idiot if he dont take care of you. If he hurt you like I do. Hes an absolute idiot," Taehyung smile and carressed her face softly. "Be happy my princess. And when the time comes, come back to me. I'll always be waiting Y/N, because you are my true love, and we will always find our way back to each other,"
Taehyung placed a long, deep kiss on her forehead, eyes closed as tears flows down, knowing he has lost the love of his life, trying to savor the feel of her in his memories.
"I love you Y/N. And I'll wait for you, forever," he smile one last time as he turns around and walk away, leaving Y/N drenched in her tears.
/////
5 YEARS LATER
"Woohoooo, last concert for this tour guys, good job!" The members high five each other as they make their way into the dressing room backstage. Taehyung laughs and make his way into his own personal room, exhausted from a show well done.
"Hi, do you know where the bathroom is?"
Taehyung stopped in his track at the sound of the voice. A voice so familiar. A voice that haunts his dream for years. A voice that he never forgets.
He looks up, and there she is. Smiling at him.
"Y-Y/N?"
Y/N nods, giggling.
"Y/N?!" Taehyung runs to her and engulf her in a hug. "I am not dreaming am I? A-are you really here?"
Y/N giggles again.
"Its me Tae. Real life me. Im real,"
"W-why? H-how?"
"Well, if Im not mistaken, 5 years ago, someone told me that we will always find our way back to each other. And that he will wait for me, forever. Im just checking if he still keeps his promise," Y/N grins.
Taehyung hugs her tight.
"You dont know how I dream of this day every single day Y/N. How I waited to see you again. To feel you again. To hear your voice again," Taehyung hugs her, not letting go.
"Ive come back Taehyung. Ive come back to you,"
Taehyung cant believe this is happening. Then he remembered something. And although its something hes dreading to ask, he knows he has to know.
"H-Hyun Dae?"
Y/N smile at his nervous state. She has never seen someone so adorable. God, shes just so in love with him.
"We were never married Tae. When you came that day... everything changed. I didnt marry him. I couldnt. Not when I know my heart belongs to you. And Hyun Dae... he knows it too. And he loves me enough to let me find my own happiness,"
"W-what?"
"Im sorry it took so long. But I need to find myself. To really understand my feelings, your feelings... but Im here now, Taehyung... if you still want me..."
Taehyung grins.
"Is that even a question my love?"
Y/N giggles at the way he calls her.
"I love you Y/N. Since that first night we met. I have been yours. Im sorry for hurting you. Im sorry for my mistakes. Im sorry fo-"
"Shhhh," she puts a finger on his lips. "It doesnt matter anymore Tae. All of it doesnt matter anymore," she smile. "Im here now. You are here now. And I, I love you Kim Taehyung,"
Taehyung grins. Such word has never felt so sweet. He felt happiness bubbling inside his chest. And in the first time in 5 years, he really mean it.
"I love you Y/N, my love, my soulmate,"
"I love you Taehyung. You really had me at bathroom," she giggles.
"Oh shut up," Taehyung laughs and lifts her up, wrapping her legs around him. "Just shut up and kiss me. Just kiss me baby,"
And she really did.
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Cookie Run OCs
gdi apparently one of the cookies in cr kingdom is named licorice cookie so screw it i’m biting the bullet and posting my half-baked (ha) oc ideas now even if some of them have already been taken anyway. sorry there’s no art bc i’m terrible with digital stuff and can’t access a scanner to upload my drawings. there are almost certainly going to be more to come later because this game refuses to leave my brain.
Black Licorice Cookie: The powerfully astringent flavor of black licorice certainly isn’t to everyone’s taste - and that’s just the way Black Licorice Cookie likes it! This daredevil of a Cookie loves nothing more than testing her limits, so she’s always on the lookout for something to get her adrenaline pumping. That doesn’t mean she isn’t without her sweet side, however, which comes out most strongly when protecting her precious little sister. Get between them at your own risk!
Red Licorice Cookie (Sibling): Don’t mess with my little sis if you know what’s good for you!
Mustard Cookie (Trust): Nobody else gets me like Mustard Cookie does!
Kiwi Cookie (Friendly): Hey, I’ve got an idea for some cool bike tricks!
Roll Cake Cookie (Friendly): Going for a ride in that road roller and smashing things is such a rush! WHOO!
Initially I had the mental image of her as a Cookie with a web design and a spider pet, but then Truffle Cookie came out, so now I pretty much picture her skill being that she runs a Ninja-Warrior-style obstacle course or something. Maybe her pet could be a black cat instead?
Red Licorice Cookie: Between the fruity fragrance of her signature red hair and her sweet, outgoing personality, it’s no surprise that this Cookie is so popular! Red Licorice Cookie is a champion at gymnastics with plenty of fans, and performing with the ribbon is where she shines the most. She and her older twin sister might be as different as night and day, but their bond is as strong as a thousand strands of licorice twisted together!
Black Licorice Cookie (Sibling): I’ve got the coolest big sis in the world!
Cheerleader Cookie (Trust): Cheerleader Cooke is my BFF!
Yoga Cookie (Friendly): She’s helped me train to be much more flexible for my routines.
Skating Queen Cookie (Admiration): I can’t believe I actually got her autograph!
At first I imagined her as being a sort of epic version of Cheerleader Cookie, performing double dutch with a few friends much like the cheer team. Her pet would be a charm bracelet.
Oatmeal Cookie: Every day at the crack of dawn, this dutiful cowgirl is already hard at work, keeping a watchful eye over her herd with the help of her trusty steed, Raisin. If even a single cow goes missing, Oatmeal Cookie won’t rest until she’s got them home safe and sound. The tricks she can perform with a lasso will certainly knock your socks off! And when the sun starts to set, you can hear the sound of her yodeling from far across the plains.
Peanut Butter Cookie (Family): I’m the luckiest Cookie alive to have such a beautiful gal as you...
Knight Cookie (Friendly): You sure know how to burn the breeze!
Adventurer Cookie (Friendly): Nice hat ya got there, pardner!
Space Doughnut (Tension): Hey, stop spookin’ my herd!
Her skill would probably involve dodging obstacles on her horse while catching some runaway cows, and her pet would be a cowbell.
Peanut Butter Cookie: There’s nothing better for a boost of energy than some delicious, nutritious peanut butter! And forest ranger Peanut Butter Cookie definitely needs that energy, as she spends every day traversing the woods to keep them safe. Whether she’s helping Cookies who have gotten lost find their way home or rescuing woodland critters from danger, you can always depend on Peanut Butter Cookie. She’s especially fond of younger Cookies and enjoys teaching them wilderness survival skills.
Oatmeal Cookie (Family): She and I pack each others’ lunches every day.
Pancake Cookie (Friendly): Be careful climbing trees for those Acorn Jellies, dear!
Cream Puff Cookie (Friendly): I’m sure you’ll get that spell right next time, hun.
Fig Cookie (Trust): They’re always eager for me to tell them stories.
Fire Spirit Cookie (Tension): You keep those flames away from the forest, you hear?
You can probably tell by now that I’ve put like 0 thought into any of my Cookie OC’s skills. Anyway, her pet would be a bear that she helped when it was a cub, who shows up to help her by smashing obstacles.
Coconut Cookie: The Tropical Soda Archipelago has a long history of telling stories through traditional dance. Coconut Cookie comes from a long line of those dancers, and Cookies will flock from every island to watch her perform. Crowned with a garland of bright yellow coconut blossoms, she moves with the utmost rhythm and grace. It’s said that she practices every day so that she can bring peace and good fortune to the islands.
Mango Cookie (Trust): My best friend since we were little - I remember his very first boat!
Ananas Dragon Cookie (Admiration): The Dragon honored my ancestors by praising their dances.
Soda Cookie (Friendly): Going for a ride on the waves is the best, isn’t it?
Squid Ink Cookie (Friendly): Poor little thing, there’s no need to be shy.
My first thought was for her to make a sort of bubble shield out of coconut oil, like Lemonade Cookie but without the magnetic effect (maybe slower energy drain instead?) - I’m still undecided about it though. Her pet would be a bunch of coconuts who make coconut milk potions. Also, I picture her being related to Artichoke Cookie, but he’s not in Ovenbreak...YET? (pls devsis)
Honeycomb Cookie: Out in a charming little cottage atop a hill lives Honeycomb Cookie - and her many hives of Jelly Bees. Years upon years of working with the bees has allowed her to understand them so well, it’s almost as if she talks to them! If you happen to arrive on her doorstep, you can be sure that she’ll treat you to some delicious tea sweetened with honey and send you on your way with a basket of homemade treats.
Herb Cookie (Family): My cute little grandson certainly inherited the family green thumb.
Spinach Cookie (Trust): Oh, how sweet of you to bring me a basket of vegetables, dearie!
Fairy Cookie (Friendly): Ah, you’re so small I mistook you for another bee.
Matcha Cookie (Friendly): A bit of a strange one, but it’s nice to have some laughter over tea.
Not sure what her skill would be, but I think her pet would be a queen Jelly Bee that grows from a baby to an adult as you collect more jellies.
Souffle Cookie: A chef famous for turning simple Jellies into extravagant and delicious meals. Though he can come off as strict and a bit intimidating, he truly does care about creating good food for every Cookie who comes to his restaurant. Souffle Cookie is quite the perfectionist, so if a recipe doesn’t come out as planned, he tends to sulk so badly that even his fluffy chef’s hat deflates! But it never lasts long before he throws himself back into his work with renewed passion.
Sparkling Cookie (Trust): My cooking and your juice is the ultimate combination!
Sandwich Cookie (Admiration): To create such simple but delicious meals...C’est magnifique!
Mala Sauce Cookie (Friendly): Just watch, I’ll create a meal more than spicy enough to satisfy you!
Dr. Wasabi Cookie (Tension): I am NEVER using your syrup as a ‘secret ingredient’ EVER again!
Again, not sure what his skill would be, but maybe his pet could be a spoon. Sous-chef Spoon?
Rainbow Sugar Cookie: Sugar Cookie was always painfully shy and never considered herself all that important. However, everything changed when she met Rainbow Puff, a creature who begged for her help in protecting the happiness of Cookies everywhere from the wicked Dark Puffs. Bestowed with a magical wand, she becomes Rainbow Sugar Cookie, chasing away darkness with prisms of joyous light! RAINBOW...BEAM!
Pink Choco Cookie (Trust): The two of us would make a perfect team!
Wind Archer Cookie (Admiration): Wow...what an amazing warrior...
Sandwich Cookie (Friendly): She makes the best toast as a snack on the way to school!
Dark Enchantress Cookie (Rival): I won’t let a villain like you make other Cookies suffer!
Pomegranate Cookie (Tension): Why are you helping the Darkness?
Originally her name was Glitter Cookie, but then Shining Glitter Cookie got announced. In any case, she’d pretty much be an epic version of Wind Archer Cookie, fighting a big ‘boss’ monster once enough little ones were defeated with her magic.
Jack-o-Lantern Cookie: Trick or treat! Wait, is it Halloween already? The answer doesn’t really matter to this young Cookie, who loves trick-or-treating so much that they never take their costume off! If you don’t have Jellies to give, then get ready for a mischievous trick! But if there’s one thing they love more than getting treats, it’s sharing them with friends, so don’t be shy and join in the fun!
Candy Corn Cookie (Trust): My bestest trick-or-treating buddy!
Devil Cookie (Admiration): WOW! What a great costume!
Apple Cookie (Friendly): Here, candy apples!
Onion Cookie (Friendly): Trick o- um, please don’t cry...
Vampire Cookie (Tension): Hey, don’t fall asleep when I’m trying to trick you!
I thought I was in the clear with this OC when we got Truffle Cookie for Halloween...but then Pumpkin Cookie was an NPC later, lol. At least the name was an easy change. Their skill would basically be like a slower version of Chestnut’s, where you go up to houses and trick-or-treat.
Candy Corn Cookie: This Cookie used to be a scarecrow who stood in the middle of a big field of candy corn. However, they wanted to travel the world, so one night they wished upon a star...and miraculously, their wish was granted! Bursting with curiosity, Candy Corn Cookie is full of questions about everything they see. They still have a habit of chasing birds wherever they go, though.
Jack-o-Lantern Cookie (Trust): This ‘trick-or-treat’ thing is really fun!
Alchemist Cookie (Admiration): Wow, this Cookie knows lots of things!
Blueberry Pie Cookie (Friendly): Ooh, what’s in all these ‘book’ things?
Mocha Ray Cookie (Friendly): Cookies can really live under the sea? WOW!
Carrot Cookie (Tension): Aw, I don’t wanna go back to the farm yet!
Candy corn apparently used to be called ‘chicken feed’, so their pet would probably be a chicken. Again, not sure about the skill.
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msbowser · 4 years
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My Top Games of the Last Decade
The year 2020 is here, ushering in a new decade to live in. Instead of looking at the bad events that occurred over the years, I instead want to look at my favorite games over the last 10 years. It’s crazy that back in 2010, I was only in my second half of the fifth grade. Oh how young and naïve I was and an even worse gamer. Now in 2020, I am in the second semester of my second year of university, studying in the psychology field. I feel how I was raised over the last years shaped of how I am as a person and I am still learning, no one is perfect. Those developments shaped even the gamer I am now. Back when I was younger, I just liked games that were fun to play. But now I am a person who puts Character Development and Story before Gameplay. You will see this shift as the years go by.
Well let’s start with 2010. And I will try to limit how much I write each game to about a paragraph each. Don’t want to make this post too long. I can give a more detailed explanation at a future date if someone is interested. 
PS. All the games are Nintendo Games. I’m only a Nintendo gamer so sorry if you don’t see like Persona 5 or Last of Us.
2010: Kirby’s Epic Yarn
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Gosh this game is too freaking cute for words. I remember the stories about how much I wanted this game when I was younger, even the embarrassing ones. While this game is easy even for Kirby standards, this game is so fun to play. The levels are enjoyable to play, you can get lost hours doing minigames and playing music (Frosty Wheel is still the best), and is just cute. This game is cute incarnate. And if you don't want to play the original version, you can play a port of it on the 3DS with even more goodies on it.
2011: Pokémon Black and White
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My favorite Pokémon games and generation even if I started with Pearl. Gen 5 of Pokémon is super special to me as I know it is for many others, being the first game I bought the day of release. I was also pretty blind in my playthrough, finding new discoveries as they came along and finding new Pokémon that I might have not liked at first but became my favorites. Pokémon like the Krookodile line, Emolga, the Leavanny line and so much more. The game also first brought to my attention to how characters can be written well and still is my favorite story in a mainline Pokémon game. 
2012: Rhythm Thief and the Emperor's Treasure
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So I’m kinda cheating with this one since I didn’t play it until 2013 but damn it, I don’t care! This game is awesome. I am super terrible with rhythm games but this game is one that is very enjoyable with an excellent story and characters. Phantom R is such a cool guy that you just want to hang out with and go dancing with and not the fact he’s a gentleman. The rhythm minigames are mostly enjoyable and have a wide variety to play so you can't bored very easily (the gyroscope one can go die in a fire though). All I want to know is where is the damn sequel already Sega?! It’s been 8 freaking years with that teaser you showed at the ending of the game and no I don't count that bad IOS game you made a year later. We fans need our fix and answers now. 
2013: Mario and Luigi Dream Team
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Bowser’s Inside Story will always be my favorite Mario and Luigi game but this game comes to a close second. As part of Year of Luigi, this game did not disappoint. Luigi is front and center and he is the best of the part of game, with his dream abilities and overall character. The story is also very good with the adventures the bro’s have on Pi’illo Island and the soundtrack of the game is my video game soundtrack of all time. There is also the fact that giant battles return and if anyone knows me, knows I love me those giants <3
I also have two honorable mentions for 2013 that I will give a brief note while I like them
Fire Emblem Awakening 
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First Fire Emblem game, got me in the series. Characters are great and story left me generally shocked at points. Make a yearly tradition to one playthrough each year
Super Mario 3D World
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Favorite Mario platformer, Peach being playable and being a cat. Yes please
2014: Kirby Triple Deluxe 
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I freaking love Kirby games :D Triple Deluxe was the first Kirby game on the 3DS, using an engine that looks beautiful on the 3DS that was used for the next game they did. The game is super colorful with its vibrate worlds and use of pastel colors. The new abilities is super fun to play with as well, Archer being my favorite. Supernova is also a neat gimmick for the game and glad it was present in many of the levels and used in new ways to solve puzzles. 
2015: Dragon Ball Z Dokkan Battle
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Surprise! I said favorite games of the decade and mobile games count. This game means so much to me, being the one of the mobile games I keep track of everyday, even looking at what the JP version gets. I am proud of my account and how far it has come over these past years. Though I was not there right when it released, it has felt like that long as I have had my account for over 4 years now and don’t plan to quit now. One day I will have my full husband team, just you watch <3
2016: Dragon Ball Fusions
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This game was my answer to a playable Dragon Ball RPG to play on Nintendo consoles (before Xenoverse 2 got ported over on the Switch). The chibi artstyle gave this game its own identify from other games like it. The gameplay was fun as you can make your own character and fly all across the world fighting characters from the Dragon Ball timeline. The game is all about the fusion mechanic, but with an expanded roster of characters to fuse and the ability to fuse your favorites is a blast. 
Brief Honorable Mention to Pokémon Sun and Moon for a fun region to explore, new pokemon to love and pretty good story.
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(Lillie is so precious for this world I swear. And Snowy as well :D))
2017: Miitopia
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A lot of people would write off this game as a simple Mii game, but it is so much more than that. This game has much more personality than one might think, with its class system, characters even when you chose who is what role and the story as well. The story and characters allows many possibilities of ideas for stories and art for creators to make and enjoy, as this game and Tomodachi Life was used as a template for a rp that me and my bf do. And this game can get hard, like wanting to rage quit hard, so be prepared for grinding. The OST is also a charm of the game, being one of my favorite OSTs ever. 
Like with 2013, I have two honorable mentions that I will give a short comment on.
Splatoon 2
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Love it more than the original, Aerospray is still the master race and Off The Hook is better than Squid Sisters, don’ t @ me XD
Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia 
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Amazing story, characters and unique experience from other games I have played. Berkut x Rinea OTP
2018: Dragon Ball FighterZ
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As much as I like the Super Smash Bros games, I was more excited for this game to come out. I was glad it did come to Switch so I can play it. FighterZ was my first proper fighting game with button inputs and it threw me for a loop, but eventually I got the hang of it and is still learning. The story is a fun experience if you don’t think too much about it, me loving Android 21. And of course I main my husband that is in the gif above <3
2019: Pokémon Sword/Shield and Super Dragon Ball Heroes World Mission (That’s right, a tie)
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I was excited for SwSh since day 1 and was not disappointed even with the dex cuts. The Wild Area has been a blast exploring, finding all the new raid Pokémon to catch and train. The new Pokémon are super fun to use, some of my favorites being Ponyta, Scorebunny and Dreepy. My baby Eevee also got a GMax form and she is super freaking fluffy, big and I want to hug her <3 I’m excited for the Isle of Armor and Crown Tundra DLC when they come out.
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This game was huge to us USA fans of the series as this was the first time we ever got anything DB Heroes related here. The cards were fun to make teams with and make even custom cards. It was a full experience without to play the irl game, which would still be fun. Though the game is slow to add updates, I will be waiting for what will be coming. I am glad the game came out so we can finally enjoy all of what the game has to offer. (Though I played the previous game in the series being Ultimate Mission X through Citra, so I got a headstart XD)
This is it for this post. Even though I am late at posting it, better late than never. If anyone is interested, I’m glad to give more detailed descriptions. I realize I have to do better at explain my opinions in a more detailed matter.
Thank you so much for reading :D
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gunkyengines · 4 years
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4, 7, and 9, for the s/i questions if you're still taking them!
Ohhhh my gods @jetsetspy I’m so sorry for answering this question so late ;-; My answers are under the cut!
4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? How does it reflect their relationships now? Their hopes and dreams?
Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI
Bellamy doesn’t have much of a backstory just yet, but I do know this:
·         Their family isn’t a huge part of their life, aside from a younger sibling, who, to this day, I have not yet named.
·         They want a sense of belonging somewhere, and have a number of self-image complications (it’s not really a set of “issues” to them, because they’ve found comfort in their body and self over time, but they still have wishes about what they could be seen as—androgyny is a tough line to straddle).
·         They hate the nickname “Bella”.
·         Bells, as far as I’m concerned right now, finds their sense of belonging amongst the ‘Bros ever since they just sorta started… tagging along, I guess? It was just an act of good will from the prince and his guards and a bit of hitchhiking on Bells’ end that got them where they are now.
·         They were originally a bit of a vagabond prior to meeting up with the guys. Hitchhiking, walking absurdly long distances, camping out often, all that jazz.
Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI
Junko is a character who I largely based off of my late-high school self for both self insertion and coping reasons, but a few things do set her apart from me. As in, she’s a pretty close approximation, but by no means is she a direct, direct copy of me.
She’s a student at Kosei Academy, simply due to the fact that I read on the wiki that it’s speculated to be a catholic school (I was brought up in the catholic education system, so, I could find some accuracy and likeness in that), and attended meetings at both the drama and art club there. She has bitter memories of the two clubs, as she was betrayed by the one major figure in both: her childhood friend Hideo Sunjaya. Since then, she’s taken to expressing her creative outlets in circles outside of her student life, and finds her passion in writing. At the time of Persona 5 canon, she’s set on becoming an editor. In the future canon, she does in fact achieve this goal. In this way Junko’s less of a model of who I was, and instead she’s what I hope to be.
She comes from a somewhat broken home, but has a strong relationship with her mother. Despite her current disconnect, Junko feels that she owes it to her parents that she has such a good understanding of her own identity, as they were supportive when she first came out as sapphic, and continued their support when she decided to be GNC and soon after came into her identity as a demigirl.
Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI
Lizzie is a pretty lighthearted simulacrum of a more feminine version of me, translated loosely into the scope of the year 1899. I’m by no means a historian, but here’s Lizzie’s life.
Elizabeth Beaufort is a born and raised resident of the town of Valentine. Her mother is whatever the RDR2 universe’s equivalent of Quebecois French is, having moved to Saint Denis due to a family matter down there, and subsequently met her father. A Valentine resident himself, he beguiled her mother and convinced her to move to Valentine and live as the wife of a livestock owner (he comes from some blue blood ‘round those parts—as mentioned by the VDL in Chapter 2, the town is a goldmine of trade).
As a lady of relative privilege, life was… well, it was what a privileged life is. Sheltered, simple, and for the most part pretty damned easy. However, her naivete wasn’t something that her mother would stand to see Elizabeth keep, as she wanted a strong daughter who wouldn’t simply bend to the hand of tradition. Would I say that Lizzie would’ve most certainly rallied with those girls in Rhodes? YES. I’d rather die than portray any iteration of myself as complacent rather than progressive lmao. Elizabeth Beaufort flows in the vein of RDR2’s… I guess, progressive* writing? More** on that below, I guess???
*I don’t actually know how well it was received by everyone else, and honestly, I’m not even gonna try to speak on anyone else’s behalf but my own—I found that RDR2, despite some shortcomings, made itself a relatively hospitable environment for me as a white queer.
** Lizzie does struggle a lot with her internalized homophobia? Like… she had a lot of difficulty when she was younger coming to terms with the fact that she’s bisexual. This is less prevalent in her backstory considering it only ever surfaces post-canon. Yes, my SI and her FO came out to each other at random after being married to him for approximately 3 months. And it went fuckin’ great cos guess what!! Theyre both bi!! WLW/MLM solidarity!!! Don’t @ me.
Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI
·         Gilley was brought up amongst a gang of outlaws, and her being born a woman changed nothing about the things she was taught by said gunslingers. She left the group she once called family because of the leadership turning sour. From that point forward she went it alone, shifting in and out of her identity as Gilley Wright and her masculine persona (a pseudonym-turned-identity) Giles Kingsley, to keep herself straddling notoriety and anonymity.
·         Gilley only started wearing her hair short because of an encounter in which her longer hair was used as a means to pull her back into harm’s way. She lopped it off shortly after out of the feeling that it was a necessity, but soon found that she preferred it that way.
·         Thaddeus, her large draft horse, once pulled carts. She took him during a robbery so that she’d have an adequate mount for her getaway. The connection was instant between them.
Taeko Atou – Tokyo Ghoul OC
Taeko went by another name before her time in the 20th ward. She had another face, another life. But that was a self she had to leave far, far behind. Before “Taeko”, she was a reckless twentysomething ghoul living off of her father’s money, basking in the upper echelons of society, indulging in Scrapper shows and seeing humanity as nothing but an unprepared buffet. The danger ranking on her CCG profile demonstrated as much.
One night, however, her cushy life changed drastically. She went out drinking after a Scrapper show with one of her friends and decided to go hunting with her. Things were as usual, they stayed in their territory, but ended up getting apprehended by a group of Doves. During the getaway, her and her friend were separated, and she had no way of knowing whether her friend was alive. Drunk, desperate, and rather terrified, she decided to abandon all else and ripped her mask off to taunt the officers. They deserved to see her face, covered in gore and as ghoulish as they came! Nothing mattered to her at that point and she wanted to give them a scare…!
That is, until the next morning, when she recovered from her hangover and realized what she’d done. One of those Doves got a picture of her. In a panic, she called her father to ask for some sort of mercy money to clear the issue up. He’s frustrated with her constantly getting into increasingly worse trouble and tells her this: he’s going to pay for her to completely change her identity and her face so that she can move elsewhere, completely out of the way of harm. After that, he’d be cutting her off, leaving her with only the savings that she had prior to the cut-off. No more handouts.
This is when she became Taeko Atou, a pseudonym based off of her Scrapper show guest alias, “Miss AT”, and moved to the 20th ward. She has to adjust to average life a la Schitt’s Creek or Arrested Development.
7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? What’s likely in their closet right now?
Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI
·         Bells LOVES anything that’ll make them look cute and androgynous. They’re super partial to a femme prince aesthetic. Blouses and linens and vests and suspenders and a bunch of that cute shit. (Yes, this is my preferred fashion style and I wish I could look like that all the time.) They’re also into stuff like your average sundresses and such when it’s too hot for “princey” attire because hell yeah.
·         They’d hate to wear… hm… short party dresses? Cocktail dresses n shit. (No shade to those tho theyre cute. Just not Bellamy’s style.)
Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI
·         Junko’s super masc and butch in her presentation, binds her chest, does the simple graphic tee + jeans thing a lot. Think “Kanji Tatsumi but a lesbian”.
·         She lowkey doesn’t like wearing overly feminine clothes, like, she does not vibe with dresses.
Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI
·         Lizzie is pretty standard when it comes to clothes: blouses and skirts, dresses, all just… really basic stuff. She likes simple and solid colours, maybe simple patterns. She’s also like… very cottagecore. Probably likes overalls if she ever wears ‘em?? I’m not a frickin’ historian and I’m not gonna google early 1900s clothes styles at this hour don’t @ me.
·         This is literally just because I’m basic as all fuck and I like a skirt/blouse or sundress style outfit. I don’t wear it often but that’s my jazz y’know?
Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI
·         Gilley’s another one of my more boyish characters. She doesn’t deliberately go out of her way to look like a man unless she’s under the guise of her male persona Giles Kingsley. But let me tell you—she goes all out for those occasions, even electing to simulate stubble on her face with cosmetics. Think “cowboy drag king” and you’ll hit the mark.
·         Other than that, she just wears whatever’s convenient and comfortable.
 9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? How do they express their joy for things they like?
As dumb as this sounds I completely burnt out after writing only 2 self insert likes/interests profiles, forgive me lol.
Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI
·         Favourite Food: Bells is indecisive, but they will gladly eat anything Ignis puts in front of them. They’re thoroughly convinced he uses magic in his cooking. (They’re only half joking about that—it’s so good!) If they were made to decide a top three, it’d likely be Garden Curry, Broiled King on a Stick, and Moogle Mousse with Kupoberry Sauce. Honorable mention being Gyashi Chips (yes, they like what’s effectively Eosian kale chips).
·         Favourite Colours: ANYTHING PASTEL will win Bellamy over, along with any colour considered light and airy. White, silver, pale green, soft gold, baby blue, lavender, and also whatever the sky has going on at any given time of the day—they’re an aesthetic little shit.
·         Favourite Activities: Travelling, leisure shopping when funds allow it (if given the means, Bellamy will 100% engage in excessive retail therapy, no joke), swimming, loving their friends, talking about books and music, gardening, and (I know this sounds vain but bear with me) preening. Yes, they’d be a vlogger in another life. Don’t @ me
·         Bells loves to talk in excess about what they like, and on occasion, when words fail, they tend to express it through squealing, jumping, etc. If someone points out how passionate Bells is about these things, they’ll end up flustered and ask the person if they could continue. I guess you could say Bellamy stims? I’m not diagnosed with anything, so take this with a grain of salt, but I do have stimming habits.
Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI
·         Favourite Food: Junko’s pretty partial to miso soup. It’s one of her weaknesses. Total comfort food. (Bro I fuckin’ love miso soup.) As well as baked goods like cupcakes.
·         Favourite Colours: Red, black, silver, pink, blue, purple.
·         Favourite Activities: drawing (sketches, scribbles, doodles, colouring, etc., singing, baking/cooking, writing, and she learned to love gardening after getting close to Haru.
·         Junko tends to show her happiness through verbal and artistic expression, she’s also the type that tends to crack jokes (mostly shitty puns followed up by finger guns).
Again, thank you so much for asking, thank you so much for asking! QwQ Asks are still open, everyone.
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Not Just a Backdrop
Neville, Ginny, and Luna share a compartment on the Hogwarts Express to discuss what Hogwarts will look like in the coming year.
FFN | Ao3
Note: So a bit behind the scenes on this one, it’s a piece I had wanted to write a while back as a part of Against All Odds, a series of oneshots focused on Ginny and Nevilles friendship. With having a little bit of extra time on my hands (and procrastinating for finals), I thought it might be fun to re-explore writing since I haven’t done it for so long and figured this would be a good place to pick up, only I was struggling to even get any words down. Until I found this, already started, in my folder, and much better than the way I was planning on rewriting the scene. So anyways, here it is. I never initially planned for it to be a part of the sequence of Against All Odds because it’s less Ginny/Neville centric, but I always loved the thought of the Silver Trio conspiring to restart the DA, and felt this was the best way to put it before I lead into the final two parts of this series taking place in DH. Enough with the babble!
“Would it be ‘ight if I sit with you three?” Seamus Finnegan and tapped on the glass to the compartment Ginny shared with Neville and Luna.
“I’m sorry, Seamus. We need to be alone.” 
The words stung even as Ginny spoke them. She remembered what it felt like just a few years back when she had heard similar words from her own brother blocking her out of his compartment on the Hogwarts Express. When she had been terrified to return to Hogwarts and had no other friends to find the company of. She imagined Seamus might have felt similarly. Dean hadn’t been seen at the platform, and neither had Colin nor Dennis Creevey. No one quite knew what Hogwarts would look like this year, but they all shared an unpleasant apprehension regarding the matter. 
“I think I saw Lavender and the Patils down just a few, I’m sure they’ve got plenty of room,” Neville offered up, giving the brothers a tight smile. 
The air held a thick tension as the boy nodded stiffly, heading down the train to find a new location. It wouldn’t be hard. An unsettling amount of students were not returning to Hogwarts this year, but no one wanted to be alone for any part of it. 
The three sat in silence while the final students boarded the train. No one felt the need to ask how summer had been, what their timetables looked like this semester. They were empty questions and truthfully, right now none of the trio particularly cared to hear the answers. While normally the start of the school year was a time for celebration and excitement, for reuniting with friends, this year Platform 9 ¾ felt very different. Normally bustling with affection, laughter, and goodbye tears, this year a hush had fallen over the platform, and not only because it was half as full as it usually was. Families spoke their goodbyes in hushed voices and held each other a little bit tighter, a little bit longer, than they normally would have. 
This year Ginny arrived at the platform for the first time in her life only accompanied by her mum. No brothers, no Hermione, no Harry. Not even Dad, though she’d overheard him saying members of the Order would be carefully scattered throughout, in case any Death Eaters tried anything. The whole thing left a rock sitting in her stomach.
“Ginny, I have to ask. Do you know anything about-”
“No, Neville. I don’t. I’d tell you lot if I did,” Ginny sighed. 
As the train finally started moving, Neville rummaged through his knapsack to pull out the day’s copy of the Daily Prophet. He began reading the front page,
“Severus Snape, long-standing Potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was today appointed Headmaster in the most important of several staffing changes at the ancient school. Following the resignation of the previous Muggle Studies teacher, Alecto Carrow will take over the post while her brother, Amycus, fills the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. ‘I welcome the opportunity to uphold our finest Wizarding traditions and values- ’”
“I thought your Grandmother stopped subscribing to the Daily Prophet, after they kept publishing those horrible articles about Harry. She told me at the wedding- I talked to her for quite a while about the Quibbler,” Luna interrupted.
“She did. I saw the headline and stole a copy when we stopped in Diagon Alley this morning. That’s beside the point. Why wait until today to announce it?”
“Because they want as many students as possible at Hogwarts under his thumb. Even fewer people would be on this train right now if they’d given us more notice,” Ginny shook her head. “I mean truly, can it get any worse? Three death eaters inside Hogwarts. A headmaster who murdered his incumbent. It’s pretty obvious, Riddle- er, You-Know-Who, officially has control of the Ministry.”
“It’ll be worse than Umbridge. How are we supposed to fight in a war if we can’t even learn proper defense? Or anything at all.” Neville grumbled, crumpling the newspaper back into the knapsack.
“Well, what about what we did last time Hogwarts was under control of someone we didn’t like very much?” Luna looked at the two of them. They both stared back at her.
“It’s too dangerous,” Neville shook his head.
“It’s our only option,” Ginny answered at the same time.
“But how? It was dangerous then and that was without Death Eaters running the bloody castle. And no offense to us all but… People came to DA meetings because they believed in Harry, and even with him it was still hard to get a large enough group. I don’t think that many people in this castle believe in… us. We’re nobodies.” Neville slouched down in his seat.
“We can’t wait around for Harry, Ron, and Hermione to come save the day. They left us, and they’re not coming back any time soon.” Ginny couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice. She knew her friends wouldn’t be coming back to Hogwarts, but she’d never gotten a chance to say goodbye to any of them. It felt like she’d been left behind, and it hurt more than she cared to admit to herself. “Everyone has always underestimated us. But we’ve always been there, just behind the scenes. Now’s our chance to step into the light and prove that we are something on our own. Prove that we can fight. That we’re not nobodies.”
Ginny sat up straighter. Beneath her eyes a light was growing. “It’s up to us now. We’re all that’s left,” she smirked. “Maybe that won’t be enough for most, but it doesn’t have to be. We don’t have to have a large army, just a loyal one.”
“I suppose a war is when we need to come together more than any other time. The DA was a lot more than just a place to learn spells, wasn’t it?” Neville seemed to have perked up a bit. “Where will we meet? We can’t use the Room of Requirement again, that’s where we got caught last time.”
“That’s why it’s the perfect place to do it. They wouldn’t think we’re stupid enough to do it there again,” Luna smiled. “We’ll just have to be more careful this time. I suppose the stakes are a bit higher than they were before.”
“We’re lucky we have you to keep us out of trouble then, Luna. You’re more clever than Neville and I combined.”
The three spent a long time conspiring about what a resurrected version of Dumbledore’s Army might look like. How often they’d meet, what sort of things they’d teach, how they’d recruit in the first place without letting anyone find out who was behind it. Luna had the brilliant idea of using the coins they had the first time around, vouching that those most loyal would still have them anyways. She promised she could figure out how to enchant them to their needs.
“And who will do the teaching?” Ginny asked.
“You,” Luna and Neville answered simultaneously
“I’m flattered, but that’s ridiculous. You’ve learned more in your classes, Neville, it should be you. Besides, you’re much more patient than I am with helping people” Ginny shook her head.
“Maybe, but I can’t properly perform half the spells that I know anyways. But you can. You know a lot more than you let on. We’ve all seen you duel. You’re bloody brilliant.”
“Who says it has to be one person, anyway,” Ginny deflected. “We’ve all got spells we’re really good at. So will the people who join. It can be more of a… group effort. I think we’ve all got lots to learn from each other.”
“That’s nice of you to say, Ginny,” Luna hummed. “I’ve tried teaching people about Umgubular Slashkilters, but no one seems to consider them a serious threat… Maybe in a DA meeting they’d actually listen!”
“Erm, right, Luna... Well, no matter what, we’re going to have something. We’re not going to let Snape run us this year. And when the time comes, we’ll be ready to join the Order. To fight You Know Who.” Neville grinned as he looked at the others. “Even if it’s against all odds, right Gin?”
“Hm?”
“Even if it’s against all odds. Remember?”
A smile grew on her lips as she recalled the conversation with her friend just a few months back. “Even if it's against all odds,” Ginny nodded. “I hate to say it, Neville, but I think our odds just got a bit tougher to beat.”
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thefirelookout · 4 years
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Childhood fear
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When I was four years old, I began to draw snakes in my drawing khata.
A traditional “drawing khata” is a thing of childish beauty. Sometimes it is the size of your laptop in length and breadth, sometimes it can be a bit longer, depends on the child really. Oh, sorry about that, depends on the school that the child goes to. There are usually photos of national monuments on top, and there is a little portion near the bottom where one can write their name, roll no., section and subject. This is obviously a copy for the art class, yet there is the “subject” written on top. Funny. Inside, the pages are made of cartridge paper, which is sometimes known as art/chart paper. The surface is smooth on one side, a little textured on the other. No matter how tempted you are to draw on the smooth side, thinking that your pencils and crayons would glide on smoothly, you really need to draw on the textured side. Especially if you’re a watercolour type of person. The colour bleeds into the textured surface better, and does not spread. I didn’t know all these things at the time, of course. I would open the copy and draw on whichever side, sometimes on both sides to prevent wastage. My mother says, “Opochoykari shoytaaner bondhu”. I heard the “shoytaner bhai” version much later on in life.
Four year old Mustu was homeschooled back then, an arrangement that was to last for just one year. After that, hopefully, Papa will have a better posting. Mustu will have a school to go to, hopefully, after her father’s duties ended at the Chittagong Hill Tracts. Alikadam was a pristine cantonment where all the military personnel lived in thatched huts. Only the C.O lived in a tin shed house with his wife and his two little bullies—Hridi and Odri. I liked our house better, of course. We had a proper garden at the front, a swing, a walkway with flower beds around it. I learnt the name of many flowers, and here is a song that my mother taught me—
Tomar neel dopati chokh
Ar shet dopati hashi
Khopa ti te laal dopati
Dekhte bhalobashi
Dopati is a flower. So is morog phool. I realized much later on in life that not many are interested in flowers, so I lost interest in them too.
We had a lovely backyard too, and we could plant vegetables round the year. I remember arriving there in a little blue coat, with my silky hair “mushroom cut” before the move happened, my form lean and my cheeks chubby. My lips were still very thin. When we arrived, I went to explore the backyard in the afternoon after the initial unpacking was done. Dadu held my hand as I trotted in front of her. I discovered the hens during this trip—pitch black feathers with a red “jhuti” each, as much as the nature would allow a female chicken. I burst into a rhyme immediately—
“Higgledy piggledy, my black hen,
She lays eggs for gentlemen,
Gentlemen come every day
To count what my black hen doth lay”
Dadu was absolutely delighted. Higgledy and Piggledy. My two black hens. One name, yet conveniently separated into two. You pronounce them as “Hig-ly” and “Pig-ly”. We also met the cauliflower, the cabbage and the carrots growing in the garden patch. Memories left by the “previous” 2IC uncle and his family, memories that were to become food for the new 2IC and his family, the then Major Qazi Abidus Samad. My old man didn’t have his beard back then. He was clean shaven and kinda cute, he still is kinda cute. He just smiles and nods, has never hit me or scolded me. He’s the easier parent.
One day while I was peeing, Papa was standing outside, because I was only just learning how to clean myself. In the bamboo weave of the walls, I saw something white slithering away slowly, taking its time and checking things out on its way. I looked at it for some time, still used to fear from only one source. “Papa, wall er upor diye ki jeno chole jacche, eke beke!”
The army man understood. He hurried in, brought me down from the commode and told me not to be scared. I pulled my shorts up, and fixed my frock and wore my sandals. Some men came in with a couple of “lathis”. The little snake was taken care of.
This little snake became something of a martyr to me.
I learnt that carbolic acid had some special properties, it helped ward off snakes. We snake proofed our house in the following weeks by putting bottles of carbolic acid in different corners of the house, and made sure that at least one remained in each bathroom. I was not stupid, nobody had to forbid me to touch it or sniff it or drink it or play with it. I eyed the bottles every time I went to pee at the different bathrooms, and that was that. The bottles became a part of our lives, there but not there.
I like to think that Alikadam was my starting point. Let me try and explain this feeling, or why I feel that way so strongly. Before Alikadam, I was a mere toddler. Even though my mother and khalamoni keep telling me stories from when I was little, I don’t remember being that child. I don’t remember living in Dhaka, nor do I remember what Dhaka looked like. Some of my earliest memories is of the white Toyota Papa used to drive, and that too, being driven up the twists and turns of the hilly Hill Tracts, straight to Alikadam. I get flashes of earlier memories sometimes, me reciting difficult poems (“Kukur ashiya emon kamor dilo pothiker paye/ Kamorer chote bish daat fute bish lege gelo taay”), me playing a game of tag-you’re-it that I named “Abiyala” and running after our domestic help, me staring at the TV while the azaan aired just before iftar. These memories are merely fragments, but from Alikadam, my memories somewhat solidified. I remember the colour of the cow that I first saw being sacrificed, I remember the colour of my coats and my frocks, I remember which tree I used to sit under and read to myself, I remember Dadu’s voice, her sarees, her face when I annoyed her a little too much.
I vividly remember the cat who pawed at a cake that Ammu was excited about baking. She usually makes a weird face while baking or cooking, her heart is never in it. But back then she was really into baking. I remember hearing a little “bump” and a “maw”, and then running to the dining room. Ammu had just gotten out of the shower, she had heard it too. We both saw it. A tuxedo cat, black and white, was meticulously drawing patterns on the golden, square cake still sitting in its pan. Some patterns went horizontally, some vertically, some obliquely. The cat wasn’t eating any of it even by mistake. Ammu drove it away, of course, and threw the cake away somewhere that no human being could find it. “Listen,” she explained to me, “If somebody else finds it and eats it, they’re going to have an upset stomach, so we throw this away.” Actually, she never explained anything. She never explains anything. I just made that explanation up.
My mother doesn’t talk about the important things.
I’ve been afraid of my mother for as long as I can remember. Perhaps my earliest memory is of her carrying a “bhajir kathi” also known as a khunti, also known as a spatula, only made of iron and quite painful if one falls upon your back. My earliest memory of her is her terrorizing me with one of those scalding hot bhajir kathis, she just standing there and implying that she would beat me up. I was a baby, crying was my  second nature, as it is for every other baby in the world. She would carry that spatula and display it before me as a deterrent. Fear made sure that I immediately stopped crying, not words of comfort.
I liked to fill my drawing khata with snakes for another reason.
That summer, there was a kalboishakhi jhor at least ten times more violent than what Dhaka experiences. Some of our lighter furniture was gone with the wind, one of our bigger trees in the backyard fell flat on its face. When the weather calmed down, my mother had the bright idea of picking the mangoes that the storm had brought to the ground. Dadu sat herself down on a chair at the front porch, I ran around in the bare verandah, and Ammu took a bucket with her on her mango-mission.
We suddenly heard some unintelligible mumbling from under the mango tree.
“Joleeeeeeel….Joleeeeeeel” “Ammu ki bolo?”
“Joleeeeel….Joleeeeeel”
Her voice was muffled, which is so unlike her. My mother was always shouting at anyone and anything, so I was clearly baffled at her changed behaviour. I did understand though, that she was calling one of our trustworthy Mess Waiters, Joleel bhai. He was a jolly, ever-smiling guy who never said a word extra to any children in the absence of their parents. He was just as pleasant as necessary, and I loved that about him.
And then we saw it.
A fat, patterned snake was slithering under some long, curly mango leaves on the ground. I fell in love with the pattern instantly—a glossy black stripe followed by a stripe as yellow as the insides of a kathgolap. It wasn’t moving towards Ammu at all, it was minding its own business, slithering away. I didn’t see its eyes, but could figure out where the head and the tail was. The snake, slick with rain, was just busy rummaging under the leaves for any mice or mole, perhaps.
Ammu finally found some strength in her voice. “JOLEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL”
The Mess was nearby, so this time, there was a, “Jee khalamma!” as a reply. Joleel bhai had heard it, and probably had sensed it too. He brought a few other men with him. With sticks, of course.
The snake was a Shonkhochur. Their kind move around in pairs. So the one that died that night, under the mango tree, would have a mate lurking somewhere, ready to strike. We met the black and yellow mate too, but not before it was time to leave.
I became fascinated by the only thing that my mother was scared of, the Shongkhochur snake. I opened my drawing book one day and took some colour pencils in hand. With the pencil for writing I brought the snake’s silhouette alive in my copy, complete with the inflated head, the “fona”. I then proceeded to draw stripes. Then I was finally ready to colour it in. One black, one yellow, one black and one yellow. I realized that I had drawn a tongue too, a divided one, the type I had only seen on TV. I decided to use red for the tongue, after the colour of my own.
I tore the drawing out of the copy, and brought myself some scotch tape. I stuck four corners of it to the paper to the wall with four pieces of tape. Finally something that my mother was scared of. Finally something to make her stop when she’s blind with rage, and charging at me in full speed to hit me or taunt me.
Finally something to ward off evil.
A Shongkhochur, by the way, is a King Cobra.
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voltronramblings · 4 years
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um this got like really really long lmao (feel free to just post like a cut off version so it doesn’t clog up ppls dash lol) kind of super embarrassed about how long it is but…. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i got a lot to say, i hope that’s okay
Haha, you’re completely fine, sweetheart! I am gonna put it under the cut so that it doesn’t end up taking a lot of space on someone’s dash ❤️
Can i pls get a matchup? :3 I’m a bi girl, 5’6 with longish wavy red hair, blue eyes and lots of freckles cuz i always forget to reapply sunscreen lol pretty much always have a sunburn during the summer. I’m a INFP, and a libra. I’ve got a major case of ADHD, lots of energy and horrible at focusing, lots of fidgeting all the time (mostly the leg bounceTM and tapping things) (also got that anxiety/depression thing goin on).
I’m not super social, I hate big parties, I don’t have a Lot of friends, but the friends I do have I’m really close to and would trust with my life (I’m kind of really selective with who i befriend). If i don’t like a person, they will be able to Tell, I don’t go out of my way to be mean to them but,, it’s a bit obvious. I’m the fun friend, always getting people to laugh and smile and be happy, and I’m super loyal to my friends, ride-or-die kind of gal. I also tend to be the one that people lean on, or turn to if the need any advice or comfort. I’m also really close with my family, love them with all my heart and would do anything for them.
I love to play the piano and sing (pretty good at the first one, not so much the second lol) and i tend to do that when I’m feeling stressed out or sad and it helps a lot. I’m currently in college studying geography and cartography and I’m like a super nerd about it lol. I love to go hiking in the mountains where i live and go swimming in the rivers, and when I’m staying at my family home I go to the beach all the time, my fave summer tradition is having bonfire parties on the beach with my friends where we just swim and build sand castles all day and then roast hot dogs and marshmallows (some of my fave memories of high school were on the beach super late at night around the campfire). I am pretty active, i used to be super into sports in high school but now i’m not really, I used to swim competitively for like 8 years, and I also was part of a rowing team for a couple years, and I really loved it, trying to get back into it but i’m way too out of shape rn lmao. I also love baseball, watching it and playing it (but mostly i just watch) (go giants). I love music, fave genres being rock/alt rock/punk/pop, and I loooove going to concerts, i’ve been to at least 30 by now lol I’m pretty much always got music playing, my fave band is fall out boy (i’m basic i know lol).
my grades have always been…. Super average. Not because I don’t understand what I’m being taught but because I never really did my homework, i would always procrastinate and especially with big projects, if it wasn’t absolutely perfect I hated it and would be constantly stressed about it and then just not do it so :/ (this is still true a little in college but i’m getting much better and just getting things done, and i like to have friends with me while i’m working so they can yell at me if i get distracted).
This got really really long so i’m just gonna stop now lmao (i like to talk about myself lol is it obvious??) (ive never done a matchup request before but i like yours because you put so much thought into them i couldnt resist thank you love you)
hi, love! Before I start, the fact that you let me know about that ^^ literally makes me so happy and is one of the only reasons I still accept match-ups. I know what I was like sending my first match-up request in and I was a nervous wreck. Which is why I sincerely mean it when I say that I am deeply sorry for how long this took to get back to you. Thank you for sending this in and I love you too 💕
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SO, it may seem kind of weird but I actually ship you with Pidge (adjusted to your age, of course, bc we don’t do support pedophilia in this Christian household, no thank you)! However, if the fact that Pidge is (canonically) still a teen bothers you, I can and will match you with someone else!
Appearance reason: most people do the whole “your freckles make constellations” thing, but Pidge said “nah, they’re compounds and mixtures lol” what a nerd. She’ll look for one that matches the formula for sugar just to say “hey, you’re pretty sweet”. Also, she feels the sunburn comment on a personal level bc she too is pretty much always burnt somewhere, it’s not fair.
Mentality reason: Pidge is no stranger to mental health disorders such as ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Whatever she can do for you, she’ll do, no questions asked. While she is more knowledgeable about the physical sciences, she can quickly pick up the psychological (and biological, but I think that’s a physical science) aspect of mental health disorders, and, if there’s something that she can make to help you, she will. One of those is definitely creating a portable mini-piano so you can tap away at that, using some energy and even creating a little music.
Introvert reason: Pidge is 100% definitely an introvert, and, while with the right company she might enjoy a party, she’ll tend to spend the night in. So, you two are pretty much aligned when it comes to those kinds of nights, you know? You just keep each other company, often in silence, and that’s more than enough.
Personality reason: Pidge is someone who has trouble relying on others. She’s so much of a “I can do this myself so watch me do it better than you” kind of attitude, and, while she’s amazing, even she needs someone whom she can rely on. Your personality tends to naturally bring that out of her. Before anything else, you two are best friends, and you’d do anything for each other. Because of that bond, Pidge feels able to come and talk to you about things that she really can’t with anyone else.
Hobby reason: Pidge is totally just in awe of your musical abilities even if you’re not as confident in them yourself. She loves listening to you playing the piano or even singing along quietly to whatever song is playing. With other people, Pidge prefers to work in the quiet (unless she’s discussing something or explaining something), but she loves to just hear you faintly in the background like a distant record player. ALSO, as the Guardian of Nature, she’s exploring new ways to connect with nature, so she’ll often accompany you whenever you’re going out to the mountains. She will most definitely be complaining for part of it because it’s too hot and there’re so many bugs, but she’ll always go because she loves spending time with you even if she can’t always keep up. Rivers and beaches aren’t necessarily her domain, but she still enjoys being in water (especially if she’s sweaty as frick from all of that walking). While you may be actually swimming, she’ll probably just be in the water, floating along somewhere… she does like the bonfire idea as it’s much less strenuous, and it’s fun to be with everyone whether that’s just you or the whole Voltron crew.
Education reason: lol, I had no idea what to call this so here ya go. Basically, Pidge adores your brilliance when it comes to anything that you’re interested in (in this case, geography and cartography). Especially if you’re drawing maps of the places that y’all visit through space, she’ll be there with papers and pencils and any drawing tools you might need. She just loves seeing how it all turns out in the end, especially since it’s like a mix of science and art and WOW you can do BOTH so well !! And she’s definitely a huge (?) help when it comes to procrastination. A little bit of a hypocrite sometimes because she tends to get distracted herself if it’s not something she’s genuinely interested in. But, she will definitely be there to help keep you on track if you’re losing focus or motivation, and she will also offer to help in any way, shape, or form that she can. She wants you to do your best but also not stress so much about it because, sometimes, imperfections are better than any perfect thing out there. Y’all also have a deal where you can switch off rambling about what you’re passionate about, it’s cute and wholesome 💕 you guys are literal best friends which is so nice to be with your significant other.
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marijeem · 5 years
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hi! I saw your Jim Hawkins fanart and i could you maybe tell how this chracter change your life? send you big love
Hi! 
First of all, thank you for asking this question! As far as I know, you’ve sent it a while ago, and I feel like now it’s the right time to answer it. 
In order to give a coherent and more or less fulfilling answer as to why Disney’s Treasure Planet and its protagonist Jim Hawkins in particular are so important and literally life-changing to me, I have to start the story “from the beginning” which was approximately ten years ago. One day I was going through the list of Disney movies I wanted to download and watch (I’ve always been a huge movies&cartoons lover, so that’s always been a frequent pastime activity of mine), and I noticed this extremely cool pirate-and-space animated movie poster and sure enough!! I decided to include it in the list of movies to watch. I was really excited and couldn’t wait to put it on, and yet, when I clicked play, it turned out that I accidentally downloaded it in English. I am Russian and the Russian language is my mother tongue. I was around 12-13 at the time and I used to watch movies which were translated into my native language, that’s why I’ve got no idea how this could’ve happened. Even though I’ve been interested in languages, the level of my language proficiency was rather low and I couldn’t understand a thing. So, I watched it for a couple of minutes and shelved it. Outwardly the decision to just find the dubbed version of the movie and watch it instead might seem obvious and rather reasonable, right? But I haven’t even thought of it, because I fell in love with English that day.
Two or three years later I found the file on my computer and watched it. It was indescribably touching, relatable and homelike. It was cosmical. I saw myself in Jim, I felt like it was so similar to what I was going through and it was something I never expected to experience from it. I’ll try to explain what I mean, not sure if I’m really able to. Let’s say, I was a capable child, but I kept skipping classes (even those payed by my parents), I’d prefer riding my bike or roller-skating instead of school and homework, I was interested in completely different things. To be fair, there were lots of children who ditched school far more often and weren’t even trying to be good at their studies, thus the fact that I still managed to get good grades made me a nerd in their eyes, which continued up to the very last day of high school. In any case, my ‘potential’ was kinda thrown away and evidently all that could not but worry and upset my mom, who has always believed in me and seen that I could do better. Of course it made me feel awful and just as if I were a failure and a huge disappointment, and the story of Jim going on an adventure, finding and accepting himself felt so inspiring and encouraging, it filled me with emotions and hope, it was everything I wanted and everything I really needed. I still cry like crazy during the song and the night scene where Silver delivers his soulful monologue. That’s just what every human-being needs to hear in their hardest moments, right? (although that happened later) To know that someone is there for you, believes in you and accepts you no matter how messed up and broken you seem to be at the time. And since I felt this connection with this character mentally and emotionally, it had a really big impact on me.
Further on, I figured out that many amazing artists post TP fanart and Ocs online, and I wanted to be a part of it. And once I had this really breathtaking dream of ‘Treasure Planet II’ – true story – which was very detailed and visual, so I started working on it. In January 2012 I discovered DeviantArt and posted my first ever digital drawing there as well as the story written in English. I guess that’s when I started to take language learning and art more seriously, they became a part of me. As for drawing, it is my biggest hobby which I strive to turn into something more one day, and when it comes to languages, that’s my occupation. Three days ago I graduated, I’m a linguistics major (English and French).
Writing this answer made me go back and find another post from several years ago when I spoke about the same topic, and I wrote this: ‘Then there was a period in my life, sort of an adventure. I was finishing school, and to get into the University I had to pass very difficult exams, so I did and I finished school with a golden medal, which means that I’m an A student in all subjects. I felt like Jim did in the end of the movie. And now I’ve got one more aim, which is connected with my studies (there’re more of them, which are connected with art and animation). I really want to graduate from my University with ‘the red diploma’, being an A student again, but I do doubt that, 'coz it’s really SO hard to study here, some of the subjects and professors make me an angry vampire, they make me suffer.’ I did it, despite everything that had happened to me during this period, I did graduate with honors and I had no idea I wrote about it in 2015. And… I really felt like Jim both during the high school graduation ceremony and the graduation at university. In keeping with the tradition, I’d like to say that I really want to get a master’s degree XD and ‘the red diploma’ one more time lol
So, James Hawkins made me who I am today. I’m an art enthusiast, I’m a linguist, and I’m not 100% sure I would’ve been those if Treasure Planet hadn’t been accidentally downloaded and hadn’t rushed into my life at the right time. I wish I could expand the answer even more since there are a lot of things I would actually love to talk about hoping it might help someone, but it would be toooooo long (as if it is not already) and probably boring. So, yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
P.S. I’m so sorry I’ve been putting this off for so long, I wanted to draw a little illustration or something and give a nice answer. I’m really grateful you asked it, thank you!
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