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mylovelies-docx · 10 months

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Sorry, I Love You - Part 2

Womp, womp. I apologize in advance for this part :)

Plot: You and Bucky have a good thing going - best of friends that also have more than a little chemistry between the sheets. Everything is fine until you develop feelings for the man who doesn't want a relationship. What will happen when Bucky finds out?

C/W: ANGST x3, unrequited feelings, arguments

Word Count: 1,550

Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)

Part 1

Over the next couple of days, you’re kind of glad that Bucky doesn’t reach out. You see each other in the common areas, but he doesn’t offer to hang out or train together, and neither do you. But you’re the type of person that can’t hang on to negative feelings for too long, so after about a week, you’re ready to be ‘just friends’ with Bucky again.

You start by sending him a text, totally innocuous and about something random you’d seen, but his reply is short. A little odd from him, but hey, he’s probably busy at the moment and still feeling a little weird. You’ll try your hardest to get you both past this awkward phase in your friendship.

You glance up from the reports you’d been writing all morning. It’s close to lunch now, so you head to the kitchen to find something appetizing. You hope the chef has been in…

Walking into the kitchen, you see Bucky and Steve sitting at the island. There’s a large spread of food between the two of them, but you know it will be tucked away to their stomachs in no time.

“Hey, boys!” You greet cheerfully.

Steve turns around and gives you a broad smile and a “hey” back. Bucky just slightly nods his head and throws you more of a grimace than a smile.

You squint your eyes at Bucky’s ‘greeting’, but continue on into the room to start preparing a sandwich since there’s no stealing what’s left on the island. You and Steve start up a conversation which Bucky barely participates in except when one of you asks him a direct question. You can see Steve throwing Bucky exasperated looks when he thinks you won’t notice.

You throw everything into the sandwich press to heat up and turn around to lean against the counter and peer over at the boys. Bucky sits at the island, just spooning food into his mouth and ignoring you and Steve to the best of his ability.

“What’s up with you?” you finally question him.

Steve shoots a panicked look between you and Bucky, which lets you know that Bucky must have told him about what you’d said. Which, to be expected, you suppose. They’re best friends. And you’d already told Nat and Wanda about everything, anyway.

“Me?” he questions. Bucky looks at you kind of puzzled before going on, “I’m just… trying to help?” He says this more as if questioning the validity of his plan than giving an actual answer.

You’re quick to laugh it off. “Jesus, Buck. I agreed we should stop fucking, not stop being friends.”

Steve’s eyes widen further and Bucky chokes. He has to clear his throat before he can respond properly. “I guess that’s not a secret anymore, huh?”

You frown at him. “I figured you’d already told him everything – Nat and Wanda know.” You throw an apologetic look Steve’s way. “I’m sorry, Stevie. Didn’t mean to upset your delicate constitution.”

“Har har,” he quips. You smile brightly back at him.

Bucky sighs deeply. “I just don’t think –”

“Stop,” you interrupt him. “I told you to forget about it.”

“Well, it’s kind of fucking hard to forget,” Bucky gripes, stabbing his spoon down into his bowl.

You freeze for a moment before saying anything. You blink several times and take in a deep, calming breath.

“Hey Steve, could you give us a second?” you ask quietly. The man needs no further prompting; he’s immediately out of his seat and through the doors with a supportive little grin thrown your way before he’s out of sight.

You’re still leaning back against the counter, but now you pull your arms up to cross over your chest. You hate that all your hard work over the last few days might derail so quickly. You were already vulnerable once, and it didn’t turn out how you wanted; you’re not sure if you can do it again.

“I said I’d handle it, Buck.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I can’t.” Bucky looks up at you, his jaw tight.

His anger is so far from expected, you’re unsure what’s going on. You pitch your head forward, disbelieving.

“What?”

“Maybe I can’t handle it; did you think of that?” he repeats. His chair scrapes across the floor as he stands up, fists gripping the edge of the counter. “Did you think that maybe I’d be uncomfortable knowing how you feel about me?”

“Buck–” you try.

“No, Y/N.” There’s reproach in his voice. He takes a visible calming breath and lets up on the countertop before it begins to crumble.

As much as it hurt the other night, this is a million times worse. This isn’t embarrassment about being rejected anymore – you can live with that – but his genuine anger over your confession guts you. You inhale a shaky breath and prepare yourself.

“I told you time and again that I don’t want a relationship. We agreed before we started anything that there wouldn’t be feelings. You promised me. You lied.”

“I didn’t lie,” you try to defend. “I honestly didn’t feel like this in the beginning.”

“But when you started to get feelings for me, you didn’t try to stop us! You let it go on, thinking that I’d change my mind!”

“Now wait a minute –”

“I’m just…” he takes a deep breath in and out. Again. His shoulders drop and he shakes his head, the fight leaving him. “I’m trying my best not to be angry. But I am.”

Bucky looks up from where he’s been staring at the floor, trying to avoid looking at you more than necessary. You can only imagine the look of hurt on your face as Bucky fights back a defeated sigh.

“Look. I know it’s not your fault – I never should have suggested it in the first place.”

“Bucky–”

“And I wish I hadn’t.”

You suck in a tight breath between your teeth. Bucky wishes he’d never suggested it? That means he wishes he’d never slept with you at all, right? Regrets spending all the time with you that lead to being as good of friends as you are? Or were, you guess.

He regrets it? Regrets you?

Goddamn. There’s a pain so deep inside your chest, you can’t distinguish the feeling from having a bullet lodged in your lungs. You rub deep and hard with your knuckles against your sternum, drawing the pain outwards.

There’s silence in the room.

“I see,” you whisper shakily. You suck your bottom lip roughly between your teeth and nod your head slowly, looking away from Bucky.

You’re unsure of where to go from here. Obviously you and Bucky can’t go back to the way things were – you can’t just pretend like you hadn’t taken a sledgehammer to your friendship that night after the movies.

You catch sight of Bucky from your peripheral vision. He takes his rough hands and runs them through his long brown hair, gathering it into a bun at the nape of his neck. You know it’s a nervous habit more than functional, given the situation you’ve found yourselves in.

It guts you to realize that your admission has caused him this much stress, caused him so many negative emotions. He’s worked so hard after all the shit Hydra put him through. Worked to make himself into a normal man with boundaries he wanted and needed respected.

And you hadn’t done that. You’d trampled all over the lines he’d drawn in the sand, barrelled right up and over to the other side.

“I didn’t mean –”

“Don’t you dare apologize, James Barnes,” you command. He looks slightly surprised by the hardness of your tone and the sound of his real name in your mouth. You hadn’t called him by his given name since becoming friends. “I’m the only one responsible for my own decisions, no matter who brought up the idea. I agreed. I caught feelings. I ruined it. Not you.” Your voice softens to make sure that Bucky knows you’re not angry with him. Not over something you did. “Don’t apologize for my mistakes.”

You step away from the countertop, moving so that you’re on the same side of the island as Bucky. Face-to-face now, but with a meter of space separating you, you look directly into Bucky’s eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

It takes him a moment to stop reeling from the sheer intensity of your apology. The sincerity behind those last two words blowing through him but also rooting him to the spot. Bucky swallows thickly and nods once, accepting your apology.

You blow out a breath and crook him a sad smile. You place one foot back, taking half of a small step away from Bucky, giving him space. Giving you space.

“I’ll go see if there are any extended missions. Maybe go help out with some of the conflicts going on.”

Giving him a lot of space.

“Doll.”

“It’s alright,” you say, still with the sad smile. “Maybe Nat can go on that mission with you, huh? You’ll have more fun together, anyway.”

“We would have had fun together,” he said.

The ‘if you hadn’t messed it up’ left unspoken, you thought sadly. You flatten your lips and put on a thoughtful expression, nodding your head after a moment.

“Yeah, we would have.”

Part 3

@jackiehollanderr @aboobie (will not tag) @rabbitrabbit12321 @12345sebby @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @lauraashley93 @themorningsunshine @happinessinthebeing @nash-dara @calwitch @stany0url0calwh0res111 @pono-pura-vida @learisa @introverbatim @kentokaze

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #Sorry I Love You

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nochessolitarias · 6 months

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El dolor de la indiferencia…

#chica solitaria #chica triste #chica desastre #sad text #una chica invisible #sorry i love you #sola #enamorada #ansiedad #te amo

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tobecontinued0611 · 1 year

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Sorry, I Love You

Song by: Stray Kids

Lyrics by: Changbin (?) 😏

Please do not copy any of my work thanks <3

Nothing written here is true - everything is made up heh 😅

Highly recommended for STAYS ONLY ! ! 🤭

A/N: this is my very first work and i’m excited to see how i improve throughout my tumblr career lol. As you can see, i’m gonna start writing about kpop songs. Please support cuz I’m having some trouble looking for songs to write about. Comment and request for songs! hope this is good enough for yall out there thanks

tobecontinued0611

——————————————————————————————————

You met her at a park near your home. Listening to music, you walk around the sidewalks and daydream.

Suddenly somebody taps you on the shoulder. You whip around and see a girl wearing a white cap and black mask. Big brown eyes peer up at you through the brim of the cap. The girl looked no older than you are.

“Have a cheesecake! One for a dollar!!” she exclaims with a voice higher pitched than you expected.

“Uh- pardon?”

“Cheesecake! Hurry - eat or weep!”

“Okay okay jeez you don’t just creep up on someone and demand them to buy cheesecakes!”

“Are you gonna buy the cake or not?!”

Ungratefully, you throw a buck at the girl and take the cake. You were a little hungry after all.

The ungratefully-accepted cake was wrapped in a pretty wrapping bag. Before you could even mumble a thanks to the girl, she had already disappeared.

Tasting the cake and finding that it was just right, you plan to try it out whenever you see the chance again.

Sorry that I like you, I'm sorry I tried to hide my feelings, but I guess it was too obvious I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I like you

Everyday, you make sure to go to the park. The girl wasn’t there most of the time but once or twice she showed up. It seemed like she had this routine everyday for selling cheesecakes.

People rudely denied her offers so you would buy them most of the time. The girl would make a weird annoyed face (you can’t really tell because of the mask) but hands you the bags.. more and more softly and gently each time.

Soon enough, you and the girl become friends who meet everyday. You for the cheesecakes, and the girl for someone to talk to.

It wasn’t much after that when you found out that you might have fallen for the girl. She never revealed her face even when you begged her to show you.

But you can tell that the girl is nice just by her twinkling eyes that always tend to crease so beautifully every time you make her laugh.

I can't hide my feelings for you anymore

A month passes by quickly and the girl brought cheesecakes on a daily bases - now for free.

I bravely take a step closer to you

One time, you were jump roping and the girl insisted she try it. Since the girl was short, she had no problem doing an easy 30 jumps. But when she started getting a little exhausted, her shoelaces got untied and tripped.

Before hitting the floor, you grabbed her - one hand on her back and the other clasped tightly around the girl’s tiny fingers.

There was a moment of silence with unavoidable eye contact and you two jumped back from each other right away. Your face was burning and the girl seemed to be blushing behind her mask as well.

But this step was never easy

From that moment on, something lingered between the two of you. A feeling, an aura, that whenever you and the girl make eye contact, your heart feels like it’s going to explode.

I made up my mind long ago, but I still needed more time

Even though two months passed in a flash already, you still couldn’t bring up your feelings to the girl. Not even give a hint about it.

You were afraid that if you take this extra step towards her, the bridge would shatter and the tower of friendship you built proudly with her high and tall would collapse.

I still needed more time

So for the time being, you decided to keep your feelings hidden at the very bottom of the bottom of your heart. Friendship comes first before anything else - right…?

Turns out, the girl attends an art school close by the park. She studies culinary art and that’s where all the cheesecakes came from.

You were glad that you got to have a friend so close by that you never wanted to lose this friendship. Ever.

But maybe I took too long Our timings were off, I feel like I'm being punished What I did to get closer to you was rather Building a wall between us

As fall turned to winter, winter to spring, and then to summer, the girl started seeing you less and less.

Until finally one day, you decide to see her one more time.. one last time.

When I gave you a movie ticket, you were just so happy

Giggling excitedly, she nods her head yes.

I just wanted to be with you, the two of us, together

Grateful, you muster up a smile and tell her the exact time and date.

The tickets were just an excuse

As you wait for the girl to come, you make sure to recite something repeatedly in your head. “She’s just a friend. She has to work towards her career - put her dreams first. You can’t have her. Today will be the last day.”

Suddenly, a girl enters the theater with brown curious, round eyes. She was wearing a cute skirt and a matching jacket. Just when you were gonna look right past her, she waves at you.

It took a few seconds to realize that she was the girl you were waiting for.

You could barely recognize her because of one thing. She wasn’t wearing anything to cover her face - no mask.

With trembling hands you wave back at the girl. You’ve always daydreamed and imagined how she would look like without the mask on. Now, a wish was crossed off his bucket-list.

As the girl quickly speed-walked over to you, you couldn’t help it. You just had to see if she was real.

Slowly, very slowly so that she wouldn’t be surprised, you raise both of your hands up to the girl’s cheeks and held them up.

To be just friends, you're too beautiful

She was too beautiful to be true. Your whole world was in your hands.

I know I'll regret, so I decide to express my feelings

Looking back, you think it was a very stupid thing to do..

But I want to be more than just friends I like you too much

You cup the tiny face in your hands once more, lean forward, and brush your lips against the girl’s plump warm ones.

A few seconds later, you pull back. This was not part of the plan. You were not supposed to do that.

Sorry that I like you, I'm sorry I'm sorry for liking you If liking you is wrong, I’m sorry

You immediately turn around and walk towards the exit. You couldn’t bear with this much longer.

Sorry that I like you so much, I'm sorry I tried to hide my feelings, but I guess it was too obvious

Sorry, I love you.

You hear the girl’s voice behind you. Calling you. Calling your name.

“Han Jisung, wait!”

Facing her once more, you smile the warmest one you could ever hope to give her, hoping that she would get your message:

“Thank you for everything. You were the light of my dark and empty life. You are and will forever be the love of my life.”

Somehow, the both of you already knew… that you guys were completely two different people from two different worlds.

Even if the path might seem smooth and comfortable to walk into at the beginning, spikes and thorns will always be ready to charge at the two of you from any direction.

You were too scared and afraid that that might hurt the girl one day. You are always frightened and too much of a fool to believe anything. But this might just turn out to be the best choice for the girl - that you knew.

“She has a dream. A career she wants to work for. But I don’t,” you think.

And with that, the theater door opens and closes. Which also leads to the end of this story as well.

But with the end of every story, comes the conclusion.

Well along with the end of this story, comes the outcome of a new person, inherited with a new life. A brand new, determined life that started thanks to a single cheesecake, a young girl who made them from culinary classes, and a boy who will forever treasure these memories forever. Not until the end of time itself.

Phone Dialing…

“Hello?”

“Hey Jisung, what’s up?”

“You still haven’t given up on auditioning for that group in that entertainment have you?”

“Nope. You know I’m Seo Changbin, I never give up! Anyways what do you want? I’m hungry!”

“Give me a few minutes. I’m gonna send you some lyrics and I was hoping you’d make it into a song.”

“A song? Ohh when did you get into writing songs?”

“Since never! Don’t tell anyone that these lyrics are from me.”

“Then what do you want me to do? Say I wrote the lyrics and cover it all up by my name?”

“Yeah! That’s exactly what you should do!”

“Umm, I don’t know about this.”

“Come on. You said you’re hungry right? I’ll buy you a cheesecake right now!”

“Ew, I don’t like cheesecake. And since when did you get addicted to those?!”

“It’s been a while now thanks to a somebody.. So will you help me or not?!”

“Alright alright fine! Send the lyrics to me first and see ya at the bbq restaurant down my street!”

“BBQ?! Ayo we were gonna eat cheesecake today!”

“Okay. Lemme get something straight - who’s helping who out? I think I deserve to eat some gogi today.”

“I curse you in the name of cheesecakes that you will one day do an asmr and shall suffer from eating gogi by the wrath of the cheesecake gods!”

“Ha! Dream on. Send the lyrics to me quick before I change my mind!”

“Okay okay!”

“Oh, and by the way what’s the song name gonna be?”

“HUH? Oh, the title? Uhhhhhhhhhh I have a specific one I wanted for the song but since it’s gonna sound too cringy you can change it if you want.”

“Just tell me what it is already!”

#sorry i love you #han jisung #han stray kids #han skz #skz han #좋아해서 미안 #stray kids #skz #straykids songs #jisung #han #HAN #lyrics #song lyrics #kpop songs #kpop lyrics #kpop song lyrics #straykids #stray kids songs lyrics

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moonfulmoony · 8 months

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why is sorry, i love you by stray kids so satosugu coded???

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vintagesuga · 8 months

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Bro, I'm minding my own business listening to 'Sorry I love you' and then 'Deep End' plays right after.

#wtf spotify #stray kids #skz #sorry i love you #deep end #its like they were telling a story #bang chan #lee minho #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin

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deaths · 1 year

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can we be ehaters. Fuck you.

dont be rude pinkie pie kinnie

#SORRY I LOVE YOU

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m-nhov · 2 years

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happy 1 year to the best song

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czrpenters · 1 year

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but you love me so you shouldn’t keep secrets from me 😔

-😵‍💫

I do love you, baby. 😭 But I love teasing you guys as well, hehe.

#sorry i love you

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staydawn · 2 years

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#music #lyrics #sad songs #kpop #stray kids #skz #sorry i love you #noeasy #noeasy skz

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withlove-kis · 2 years

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I’ve been so busy with band for the past week that seeing skz content on here is giving me more serotonin than I’ve had all week… like I watched the ‘sorry I love you’ video again and I was ascending my dudes

#stray kids #skz #marching band #colorguard #sorry i love you #serotonin

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mylovelies-docx · 10 months

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Sorry, I Love You - Part 4

Oh, shit. I was supposed to post this today, wasn't I?

C/W: Feels, anxiety, grown ass adult conversations

Word Count: 2,055

Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)

[Prologue][Part 1][Part 2][Part 3]

You nibble on your thumb nail, trying and failing to pay attention to the audiobook blasting in your ears. You’re only a few short minutes from touching down at Avenger’s Tower after months away. There’s a nervous excitement bubbling away under your skin, but it is tempered by anxiety of seeing Bucky again.

You can’t help but glance at the parachutes lined up along the wall of the cargo bay you’re sitting in. Shaking your head imperceptibly, you dismiss the impulse as a coward’s way of avoiding an uncomfortable situation. You’ve already come up with a strategy, a game-plan, for how you are going to deal with Bucky and make this situation as easy as possible for the both of you.

You’re startled from your musings when you feel a hand lift the headphone from your ear. You turn wide eyes to Steve as he crouches beside you and tells you that you’ll be landing in less than a minute.

You nod mutely. You discard your headphones and place them back into your duffel bag while tucking your phone into your back pocket. You take a steadying breath as you feel the quinjet settle down onto the landing pad. Steve and Sam join you at the back of the jet. With a soft jolt and a hiss of pressure, the bay doors open wide.

Standing against a backdrop of glass and steel and the bottom of the giant ‘A’ stands a lone figure.

Bucky.

He’s the only one on the platform, the wind fiercely whipping against his clothing and hair this high up. You can’t help but admire him for a fraction of a second. As you notice that his hair no longer brushes against his collarbones – instead, the short strands don’t even reach his eyes when the wind blows them onto his face. He looks ruggedly handsome with the new haircut, the length helping to define his face and accentuate the stubble growing across his jaw.

The effect he has on you is almost instantaneous, your heart acting as if you hadn’t spent months away from him at his request. It beats a staccato rhythm in your chest, demanding blood to flow to the beat of Bucky, Bucky, Bucky.

You take a stutter-step off the jet, hoping for composure.

You remain five steps behind the boys as Bucky claps Steve enthusiastically on the back as they hug, muttering something into his ear. Then he lets go to grip Sam’s hand before bringing him in to bump shoulders. You use this time to look behind Bucky, checking to see if anyone else from the team is going to show up to greet you since you’re sure you won’t be receiving as warm a welcome from the man before you.

“Everyone else is out at the moment,” Bucky’s voice calls out hesitantly. You turn your eyes back to him, watching a pained smile spread across his lips as your eyes meet after so long apart. The wind snatches his next words away so you’re not sure if you weren’t meant to hear them or not, but you watch his lips form the words ‘Hey, doll’ as his smile relaxes into something less rigid.

A knife wedges itself into your ribs at the name. You swallow hard and paste a polite expression on, nodding your head in acknowledgement. Taking a deep breath, you hoist your bag higher onto your shoulder and walk inside, bypassing the group of men as they watch you leave.

You enter the building, breathing in the scent of your home and reacquainting yourself with the familiar surroundings. The medbay resides behind glass walls directly in front of you, the easy access from the landing pad having saved you life and limb on a number of occasions.

Your feet guide you to the elevator on instinct, showing you the way to your rooms without conscious effort. The ding of the elevator doors closing and the hum of Black Sabbath playing quietly over the speakers brings a small but genuine smile to your lips, your first today.

You don’t anticipate many in the coming weeks.

The doors ding once again and you step out into the living quarters. You run your hands along the back of the plush sofa as you pass, then slide your fingers along the textured wallpaper as you exit the living room and head towards the bedrooms.

You’re halfway down the hall when the stairwell door ahead of you opens quickly. You stumble to a halt as Bucky steps out, slightly out of breath. You watch him as he first looks in the direction you were walking then swivels his head to look back at you where you stand with your hand against the wall.

Your hand rises to clutch at the straps of your bag on your shoulder, now using two hands to keep it aloft instead of one. You fret with a loose seam with your fingernails when Bucky calls your name softly and walks slowly toward you.

He stops a mere foot or so away from you, but you increase the distance with a step back. There’s a flash of something in his eyes when you move away, so fast you can’t tell what it was.

His voice is soft when he speaks. “Can we talk?”

Shit. You hadn’t been expecting to have this conversation so soon. You’d been hoping for a little time to get into the right headspace, get your emotions in check before facing him head-on.

You nod your head and wipe your expression blank, removing your fidgeting hands and keeping them slack at your side. You lock down every emotion inside of you, just in case you can’t say what you need to.

Bucky nods back at you and stuffs his hands into the pocket of his jeans, pulling in on himself. You can’t stand to see him so uncomfortable around you.

“Listen, doll, I wanted to apologize –” he begins.

If you hear Bucky apologize again for suggesting to sleep together, hear how much he still regrets having spent time knowing you intimately, you will implode. All the feelings you’ve sorted through and the realizations you’ve come to in the last couple of months will burst forth out of your chest and spew all over Bucky. You’ll vomit out the words you held back when you were ‘together’. Then eight letters that would ruin everything between you forever will fall from your lips and land at his feet, where he is sure to stomp them flat underneath his boots again.

You can’t hear it. Not again. So you stop him from breaking your heart a third time.

“Stop.” You raise a hand in the air, palm towards him. You wave it back and forth in an effort to halt the apology in his throat. He closes his mouth and looks at you questioningly.

“We don’t have to rehash our last conversation, James. I get it, you –”

“James?” he interrupts softly, tilting his head to the side in confusion.

Dammit, he’s probably right, you think to yourself, that’s still probably friendlier than he wants.

“Sorry. Sargeant, then.”

“That isn’t what –”

“I did what you asked and got myself together,” you begin again. You stare hard at a blur just past Bucky’s head, unable to meet his eyes and see the anger and loathing again. “You don’t have to worry about any lingering feelings on my part. I took the time away to realize that I only thought I felt that way about you due to our arrangement.”

Liar, liar, LIAR. You loved this man then, and you love him now. But your love suffocated him, stifled his ability to explore his sexuality and intimacy with new partners in the 21st century after decades under Hydra’s control. He wanted no strings attached to figure out what he needed, and you took the opportunity and ran with it. He gave you an inch and you took miles.

You refuse to do that to him again.

“I sincerely apologize again for forcing my feelings on you and overstepping. I understand if you no longer wish for me to call you Bucky or James, if you still wish to not be friends anymore. I –”

“Y/N, no,” Bucky says. He removes a hand from his pocket and steps forward, barely reaching out for you before dropping his hand again. “I never said that.”

Well, it was implied, you thought bitterly, sadly. “I don’t mind the formality, Sergeant. If that’s what I need to do in order –”

“Don’t call me that,” Bucky demands forcefully. The shock of his words finally gets you to look him in the eyes. His jaw is locked tight and you can see his teeth grinding together.

So he doesn’t want me to address him at all? You think. Doesn't want me to speak with him at all?

“Ah. Well that…” You scratch the back of your head, turning your face away from him. “I mean – I won’t bother you outside of missions from now on, but I need at least some way of addressing you during –”

“If you say one more word, I’m going to lose my fucking mind!” Bucky yells at you, finally exasperated enough to raise his voice.

You flinch and take another step back. “Sorry…” you murmur, looking down at the carpeted flooring under your shoes. All the sudden, you see Bucky’s boots inches from your own and feel his hands grab hold of your shoulders – not rough, but also not gentle. You raise your head, your wide eyes meeting his.

“I never said I didn’t want to be friends,” Bucky says vehemently. “Y/N, I am so sorry for how I acted the last time we saw each other – sorry for how angry I got.” At this, his hands loosen a fraction on your shoulders, his fingers no longer digging into the soft flesh of your shoulder blades. “You’re one of my best friends. I started seeing a new therapist after you left; she’s helped me realize how important you are to me. Helped me realize that –”

His words are cut off as you drop your bag and immediately slam into him, wrapping your arms tightly around his middle. You burrow your face into his neck and squeeze your arms when you inhale the familiar smell of his soap and skin. You’ve missed him so much, missed his company and his voice and his laugh and his smile and just everything about him. Your eyes begin to water when you feel his arms circle around you in return, pulling you tight into his embrace.

You speak into the space between your bodies quickly before he can finish his thought, wanting him to know that you can do this. You can be friends again. He doesn’t need to worry about loving you back. Just as long as you can still be his friend. Just as long as you can still love him in secret. Just as long as you can still secretly hope he changes his mind someday.

“I promise I don’t love you,” you say to him.

Liar.

“Please, doll. Don’t say–” Bucky tries to loosen his grip and pull away, but you hold fast and keep going.

“I promise it was just a crush, I promise I don’t feel that way anymore.”

Lies.

You remove your face from Bucky’s neck, looking up into his eyes. You have tears streaming down, but you give him a reckless smile, “I promise.”

You are such a fucking liar.

Because being in his arms again reminds you just how much you’ve missed them. Just how much you’ve missed loving him up close.

Bucky takes a moment to look desperately at you, eyes flickering between your own, trying to find any hint of a lie. You’re so happy Bucky still wants you in his life as a friend that forcing the love to stay hidden isn’t excruciatingly painful at the moment.

Taking your words as truth, Bucky nods his head once and crushes you to his chest, squeezing tightly. You feel him sigh heavily when he rests his chin on top of your hair. Nuzzling softly, he places a small, chaste kiss onto the crown of your head before pulling away entirely.

A sad smile mars his face, and you can’t imagine what caused it.

Part 5

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