#sorry if i answered too much sldkfh i just got excited

[jizzie]

👓 and ✂? - @crastlefolke

(under a cut 'cause it's pretty long!)

i was gonna post a detail from my next chapter of the joel fic, but i just realised that i haven't finished it yet and i don't want to spoil it!! so here's a little bit from the first chapter of my heart won't start ('cause it's missing some parts)

( [...]“Tango,” says Joel, out of some morbid curiosity, “who do you think will die first?”

“Hm … Scar, I’d guess.”

Joel shrugs. “To be fair, Jimmy’s on this server too—that’s Jimmy Solidarity, by the way.”

“Oh!” Tango says. “Well, in that case….”

“It’s got to be Jimmy or Scar, right?”

“Yeah. I’d guess so.”)

i just really like this conversation. joel starts the conversation, curious but already making up his own conclusions. tango awkwardly joins in because he isn't sure what else to do. joel keeps pushing, while tango feels mildly uncomfortable ("Yeah. I'd guess so.").

'i guess' can be such an uncomfortable phrase, but 'i'd guess so'? it's even more so, especially here. it shows how joel's mindset is different from the the others, even from the beginning.

anyway, here's a snippet from the next joel chapter, which covers his second episode of 3rd life! i'm almost done with the 3rd draft of this chapter, so it should be coming out relatively soon (a week or two):

Kindness has always been death, has always been mercy to him. Quick deaths rather than prolonged ones, a bandaid ripped off rather than a tortuous ending. Kindness was the smile that Lizzie had when she let them all burn in lava, kindness was the Jack’s execution, kindness was Joel’s suicide afterwards, was the fire that consumed him for the final time and let him go free.

Why didn’t they let me die?

#look i just. i love joel. i love him. he's also getting so much angst from me constantly because OF COURSE HE IS #/ my heart won't start ('cause it's missing some parts) #/ malicious world #<- new tag bc i keep adding more to this personal hc #/ crastlefolke #/ asks #/ sadie's shit #/ behind writing #/ text #/ mcyt #sorry if i answered too much sldkfh i just got excited #i will never shut up about joel