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princesssmars · 1 year

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how fast the night changes

chapter i part i

a sam x reader x mike

youve always had a compliacted relationship with your best friends. that all changes the night you go back to josh's house in the mountains.

contains: fluff and angst i mean its until dawn. mentions of death, mention of that little perv chris switched seats with.

wc: 3.800+

a/n: back in my until dawn phase bc of the quarry and we are lacking fics (especially poly ones) so i came to provide. decided to do these two bc they are my favorites and. theyre hot. enjoy. (im also following along with an all good choices everyone lives lets play because i love a good horror ending sorry.)

the bus ride up to the mountain was much more sinister in the dark of night. maybe it was because the thick trees of the expansive woods hid anything that lurked inside them. maybe it was because of what happened the last time you were here. either way, everything felt different this time.

you still remember how you met all of your friends. it was sixth grade, and you were the new kid, so you were prepared for it to be brutal. but here come these two dorks who say their names are josh and chris that plop down next to you during lunch to ask you some dumb question about the newest video game-was it super mario?-

you look down at your phone, the custom playlist you got for this trip nearly halfway done as it hums through your headphones. bopping your head along, you click out of the music app and head to your messages, seeing the last texts you shared with your friends. emily's were blunt but endearing, ashley and chris's enthusiastic, jess's laid back. but you feel a smile slowly appear looking over your last messages with sam and mike.

sam: please tell me you remembered to bring me some extra veggie chips! i have a feeling josh forgot to stock up on my vegan snacks :,)

y/n: only if you remembered to bring my favorite blanket from your dorm, you know the heating is most likely broken and im definitely not freezing to death up here!

sam: so dramatic! already ahead of you <3 see you at the lift!

you go to look over mike’s, trying to ignore the heat you feel in your face at her knowing what you wanted without you even asking.

mike: your new favorite playlist is ready, brought to you by your favorite person on earth

y/n: what do you mean? sam didn't make me a playlist

mike: haha very funny

mike: y’know id appreciate some appreciation every now and then, i put all of your faves on here! even some hidden gems I've been listening to recently

y/n: thank you my best friend in the whole wide world for the amazing playlist i know you don't share your amazing music taste with everybody

y/n: happy?

mike: very. thanks, babe. see ya soon.

well, that didn't help.

you step off the bus with your carry-on, saying your thanks to the tired-looking bus driver before they drive off after giving you a weary smile and an ominous “be safe out there.”. you step further towards the entrance and seeing the faded yet familiar Blackwood Pines sign fills you with bittersweet nostalgia. remembering your first time getting plastered with josh and chris, dancing to the newest shitty songs with jess, telling emily about your crushes crush, gossiping with beth, watching the newest show that hannah couldn't stop talking about…

you shake your head. nows not the time to dwell on the past, you're here to rekindle old friendships and have a great time.

as you continue walking to the lift, you get more and more unsettled by the dark woods surrounding you. yes, the woods were inherently creepy, but it felt like someone, or something was watching you. you always joked around about something being in the woods, but those were just jokes. your mind is jumping around so quickly that you don't even register the snap of twigs and someone grabbing you-

“fucking hell!” leaves your throat as you bend over and try to catch your breath. meanwhile, samantha giddings is laughing her ass off behind you.

“i just - and then you- oh my god!” she wheezes, bent over and holding her knees with her hands. she laughs even harder when she looks up to see you staring at her with a straight face.

“you're not funny. at all. get up.” you reel your foot back as if you're about to kick snow and dirt at her, and thankfully that makes her calm down a bit.

“ok, ok. alright. im sorry, i couldn't help it!”

after her laughter has officially died down, you both stand and stare at each other for a minute, before laughing and running into a hug.

“its been so long sammy” you whisper into the blonde girl's hair, taking in the scent of her vanilla and papaya shampoo.

“way too long. promise me after this you’ll come to visit before the end of the school year? you can be my good luck charm for my exams” she pulls away to look at your face, her slender arms still wrapped around your waist.

“only if you promise to stay with me for a while this summer. there are so many things i wanna do with you.”

“many things, huh? got any more examples?” the side of her mouth quirked up, smirking at the way you stumble over your words.

“i just meant that… it's been hard. without you. and the others of course. it feels like we barely ever see each other since…”

your words trail off. it's still hard to say aloud what happened on the mountain last year. you look at sams face and see the sadness on her face, too.

while you were always close with beth, she was best friends with the other washington twin.

she always felt a little guilty that she didn't run off after them that night.

so did you.

you try to change the conversation, hoping to lift both of your moods.

“what i mean is, our college's aren't that far but it feels like i see you once in a blue moon! it'd be nice to catch back up and get closer.”

“i know what you mean. there's so much we have to talk about.” she agrees. “so, we can start on this longgg walk up the lift. you ready?”

she holds her arm out and you link yours through hers. god, did you miss her.

the walk to the lift was surprisingly nice. sure you had to walk through some creepy ass woods, but doing it with your best friend made it somehow enjoyable and even funny. especially when she fell on her ass after trying to climb the stone wall next to the busted gate.

“stop laughing and help me up!”

“oh, how the table have turned.”

while walking, you both spot a squirrel running past you. you decide to ignore it, but sam being the animal lover she is, tries to feed it.

“here you go little guy, have a nice life, alright?” she sighs, waving to the squirrel as it goes back into the woods. she turns to keep walking but finds you staring at her. “what is it?”

“nothing, nothing. we should hurry up, feels like I'm getting frostbite already.” you rush, ignoring as sam laughs at your dramatics.

eventually, after more idle catching up, light teasing (and both of you seeing something weird after picking up a totem?), you finally arrive at the cable car station…and see no sign of chris.

you let out a long and loud sigh, “god its so like him to go do whatever stupid crap right now. if he went up without us i'm gonna kill him.”

sam giggles at your upset grumbling, before moving her arms up and down the arms of your coat from beside you. “ok, ok. lets just look, around ok? im sure that doofus is around here somewhere.”

you both search around the station for mutual goofy blonde friend, until finally you find his backpack after hearing his phone ring. you don't catch who the caller was before it ends, and you notice sam come up behind you. “hey, I cant find that doofus, i don't know where he could be hiding-”

her voice is cut off by the phone pinging again, and you both see the user id-ashley, your mutual friend and chris’ crush of for-fucking-ever. on the handful of times youve spoken to ashley recently, you were pretty sure she liked him too.

you and sam lock eyes, sharing a mental conversation. you know she wants to leave it alone, and she knows you want more than anything to look at what theyve been talking about because you know your friend has absolutley no game.

you dont get the chance when you hear a “sam! (y/n)!” behind you, quickly turning around to see your tall glasses-wearing friend.

“thank god! i felt like i was gonna freeze to death out here!” you exclaim, making the blondes laugh as you hug chris, his big arms encompassing your entire body.

you smile. you missed this big dork.

you feel one of his hands leave your back, and then you feel the press of sam against your side. your face grows warm as both of you wrap your arms around each other to form a group hug. as you back away, sam looks at you affectionately, and chris looks between the both of you. you squint your eyes in a ‘shut it or ill kick you in the balls’ way and he stops.

“oh! so, i found something amazing.” christ speaks, looking at the both of you and moving over to his bag which still rests on the seat.

you and sam share a look. “what?” she asks.

“im not gonna tell you, you gotta see for yourself,” he replies, ever the little shit, he hikes his bad up onto his shoulder and starts moving away from the station. “come on, its this way.”

“where?” you question his next. again, it was freezing out here, and as much as you liked doing stuff with your friends youd much rather do it inside the lodge.

“right around here, gonna blow your mind.”

you follow chris around the back of the station until he moves in front of the surprise and holds out his hands. “ta-da! pretty rad right?”

“yeah…” sam stares at it, making you laugh beside her. before you stands a mini wooden shooting range, just built to shoot a few targets before the trees. on the wood panel lies two hunting rifles, placed for the targets placed either on the trees or on the stumps ahead of it.

“come on! look at these beauties!” chris smiles, trying to get you and sam at least amused by what he was showing you.

sam is still unconvinced. “”beauties” is not the word that comes to mind. why is this even here?”

“what do you mean?”

“what the hell is a shooting range doing at the base of a ski lodge?”

“dude, have you ever met josh’s dad?” chris asks her, fiddling with the rifle.

“yeah, he definitely thinks hes more badass than he really is,” you pick up one of the guns, admiring the details of it, “or maybe hes preparing for something in these woooods…”

“oh shush with the ghost stories, (y/n).” chris shushes at you, ignoring you scrunching up your face at him. you would admit that you did look into folklore and the supernatural, but who could blame you? it was interesting. “but shes right, dude thinks hes like, grizzly adams or something. either of you wanna try?”.

“you go head, grizzly.” sam declines, smiling at chris. yours eyes widen when they both turn to look at you.

“oh, you dont want me to go first. id embarrass you. but please be our guest.” chris scoffs and turns away from you, saying something under his breath. sam nudges your shoulder and laughs, “be nice.”

chris faces the targets and holds the rifle up to his shoulder, preparing to shoot. “alright, here goes.”

you both watch on as he hits both of the stuffed bags and both of the soda cans.

“wow, nice shootin tex.” sam compliments him.

“yeah, you been practicin this in your spare time?” you instantly regret it when he says “alright, im bad! im a badass!” and starts dancing in place. moron.

you nearly bust out laughing at the unamused look on sams face. “im gonna go ahead and guess it was a wild case of beginners luck.”

“nah, i dont think so girl.” he shrugs her off, yet again taking aim. he strikes a beer bottle, shattering it into pieces.

“anybody and their brothers could shoot a bottle that big, that close.” sam teases chris again. you notice a cute little squirrel make its way to snack on some nuts that lay on one of the barrels. chris shoots one of the stuffed bags again.

“ok ill admit. youre a nice shot.” chris’ eyebrows shoot up at your compliment, laughing when you roll your eyes.

“your asses just got sacked.”

you and sam both groan.

he goes to take aim, but in the corner of your eye you see the lift coming down. “hey, sharp-shooter, our ride is coming.”

“wh- im just getting the hang of it!” chris complains.

“come on chris, the cable car!” sam reaffirms, moving to loop her arms through yours and head to your ride. the both of you go ahead and laugh to each other when you hear chris groan and follow suit.

while walking, chris comes up behind you and starts to speak, “man it is… its definitely weird coming back up here after a whole year.”

“yeah. i swear, the moment i got here it just all came flooding back.” sam says. shed gone from linking your arms to holding your hand and leading you. your cheeks felt warm.

“i know what you guys means. a year went by so fast…” you whisper under your breath. you see chris looking at something on the wall of the station and tug sam back to look. it's a wanted poster for someone name milgram victor, last seen here on the mountain in the 90s. you vaguely remember josh talking about it.

“nice. think we’ll get a visit from americas most wanted?” chris kids after observing the sign.

“looks like someone thought so,” you reply. “i dont know why, its been almost 20 years, what would he even be doing? and dont answer that weirdo.” you give a stern look to chris when you see him excitedly open his mouth to go into imaginary detail about what milgram could be doing.

sam shrugs it off. “looks like someone thought so.”

“nah y/n’s right,” chris agrees with you, “this place is abandoned most of the year. nodbody comes up here.” after that, the three of you move on.

“this all must be really hard on josh…” sam expresses suddenly, bringing back up the topic of what happened last year.

chris speaks up from behind you, “i dont know how he keeps it all together. id…i mean id be a wreck.”

“who says he isnt?” your question makes sam scoff and chris sigh. “oh come on, we three are the closest to him and i know you both could tell something was up in that video. not to mention what happened with his therapist so who even knows whats going on inside that big head of his-”

“hey hey hey, slow down!” you hear then feel chris and sam next to you, both putting a hand on your shoulders . “look, dont worry. we’re all gonna be there to help josh if he needs it, yeah? for now lets focus on having a good time.”

chris could be a doofus at times, but he did know how to make you feel better. you let out a long sigh, stabilizing yourself before looking at your two friends and ready to continue.

its only a few seconds later when sam gets to the door and stops. “hey thats weird. door’s locked.”

“yeaaah…josh wanted us to keep it locked. keep people out.” chris tells her.

“he really said that? what kind of people?” she questions him. josh was never one to be scared of what could be lurking on the mountain.

“i dont know. he said they found people sleeping in the station one time.”

“creepy.” “thats so sad.” you and sam share a look as you speak at the same time before moving on.

“after you,” chris moves his arm in a sweeping motion of chivalry torwards to the now open station door, laughing as sam teases him with “a real gentleman.”

the three of you move inside, you and chris heading to check out the controls as sam moves to look out over the edge of the rail.

its small inside the control center, just the room with the controls, a desk, and some lockers. you and chris lean in to look at one of the posters, advertising the blackwood pines hotel and-

“sanatorium?” you both say under your breath, looking at the other. how did you never hear about this?

“ugh! i though the car was closer.” you heard sam complain from outside.

“guess we gotta wait…” chris voces, still obsering the sanatorium poster. “what a crazy place to set up house.”

“emphasis on the crazy.” you joke, laughing when chris swats at you with his hands. “but seriously, they couldnt have picked any other mountain? this is odd, no matter how rich you are.”

“guess mr.washington couldnt pass up on the view.” chris speaks.

“theyre not so rich,” sam rebuttals. “they only bought a mountain!”

you slightly giggle at her joke.

from the corner of you eye you see a flickering creen on the desk, dragging chris over by his arm to look at it.

“huh? since when did they have all this security up here?” your companion questions, observing the amount of places covered by what must be new secuirty cameras.

you sigh, feeling slightly unerved,“i guss they really are worried about something up here.”

looking out the small window, you see the cable car has almost arrived, making you move outside in preparation. you notice sam has zoned out, so you tickle her neck slightly, making her flinch away and let out a light squeal. “ah! oh you know i hate it when you do that!”

you smile at the blonde, leaning into her side “yeah right, sammy.”

she lets out a playful groan, wrapping her arm around your shoulders so you can both move into the cable car. you across from her as chris sits next to her.

“just like going to prom.” chris says before sitting down.

“chris, i was with you on prom night. you nearly threw up multiple times on the way there because you were scared about asking someone to dance-”

“alright alright! no need to bring that back up, y/n.” he shushes you, still embarrased about what happened 2 years ago. “anyway, adventure begins!”

“i hope this was the right thing to do.” sam sounds from across you.

“what?” chris asks her.

“you know getting everyone together on the anniversary. i mean, josh seemed really pumped about us all doing something didnt he?”

“yeah, no, he definitely did!” chris waves his arm around to express his point. “i havent seen him so excited about something in…forever.”

“good, good…” sams voice trails off.

“yeah, im glad he seems to be doing better. and its nice for everyone to be back together.” you smile, ready to see all of your friends again. even if what they did still hangs in the back of your mind.

“yeah yeah, but…its hard to tell with him and i…ive kinda been worried.” sams voice softens, her worry for her dear friend peaking through.

“no, no, it was…it was a good idea.” chris reassures her.

she looks over at you before staring at the ceiling. “i hope everybdy else feels the same way.

“we’re all here, arent we?” he questions.

“thanks bro. good talk.” sam goofs, lightly punching his arm.

you laugh at them. “he has such a way with words, doesnt he?”

he laughs along with the two of you, “you know what? screw the both of you. but really, lets just…lets just stop talking about what happened and enjoy the trip.”

“you know what? youre right.” sam agrees.

“seriously,” you sigh, leaning back and looking at the scenery. “i cant wait to just get to the lodge and relax with some hot cocoa.”

“um, what do you mean relax?” chris asks you, making you turn your head to raise a questionable eyebrow, “we’re supposed to party like porn stars, remember?”

“ugh, forgot about that part. we can do that tomorrow.” you groan, making your friends laugh at your antics.

theres silence for a little while longer before chris turns to the two of you and asks, “you two know how josh and i met?” you and sam shake your heads ‘no’.

“ok. third grade. josh sat in the back of the room, i sat in the front. we didnt even know each other existed. but the kid sitting next to josh started strap-snapping the training bra on the girl in front of him so the teacher made him move to the front - where i was sitting!”

‘ugh, gross.’ you think, before listening to the rest of the story.

“okay, so?” sam questions.

“so i got moved to the back!”

“and?” you prod.

“and next to josh! thats how we met! and became friends. to this day.”

“a match made in heaven.” you tease.

“if it werent for the fact that jeanie simmons hit puberty like three years early and on that day decided to wear a low-cut shirt that showed off her training bra…i mean who knows? you two could be riding in this cable car alone. right now. or talking to some other person entirely. boom. butterfly effect.”

“well i sure am glad we got you and not the bra snapper, chris.” his face twists in a mix of annoyance and happiness.

“it is freaky to think about, though. like, who knows how many little things we thought about doing but didn't would change who we are?” sam joins in, rubbing her hands together as the cold starts getting to her.

“well, i like to think fate could play a part in it as well.” you notice how both of your companions are looking straight at you, urging you to continue. “what? i mean, who we are effects what we’re most likely to do, which means some things are just meant to happen. at least thats how i see it. whatever, just stop looking at me.”

“no, no! i understand,” sam leans forward, taking your hands in hers. “i get it, like some things are just meant to be. its kinda nice, knowing id end up knowing you no matter what.”

your heart leaps to your throat when she sustains eye contact with you, the grip of her hands moving to hold your wrists.

“like i was doomed to fail that english test in sophomore year. im still pissed off about that.”chris says from your left, making you nearly jump out of your skin from being in the moment you just had with sam.

“yeah, just like your english test, chris. sure.” sam replies flatly, slightly slumping back into her place, her face perking up when you shake your head in amusement.

this was gonna be a good night.

here we go! chapter one of ten! this took me so long to get out and i wanted it out on halloween day but alas :') this already felt really long so hope to get part two ou soon! thanks for reading <3

#sam giddings x reader #sam giddings #mike munroe x reader #mike munroe #until dawn #until dawn x reader #ashley brown #chris hartley #emily davis x reader #jessica riley #josh washington #matt taylor #sam x reader x mike #mike x reader x sam

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sarah-dipitous · 1 year

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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 48

The Kids Are Alright/Love & Monsters

“The Kids Are Alright”

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: this is why the only craft I do is cross stitch (not true). Sure I pricked my finger on a needle today, but at least my BUZZSAW DIDN’T CUT ALL THE WAY THROUGH MY CHEST FROM MY BACK. Try getting me now, evil spirit/demon/whatever

This is one of those ways Dean and I are vastly different. I don’t know what I’d be doing if I knew I had a year left, but it wouldn’t be this…sex road-trip. This isn’t a judgement. Well, it’s a little bit of a judgement but more based on the fact that he’s picking places to investigate based more on girls in the area that he’s slept with than validity of paranormal activity.

I forgot there was a moment when Dean thought he might have a son.

Omg these women gossiping about Dean is hilarious…WHILE HE’S IN EARSHOT

Like, there is every indication that this kid isn’t even Lisa’s. He just spawned from Dean

Omg changelingsssssss. That’s what’s going on in this episode

They’re trying entirely too hard with the “badass strong female character” trope here. She doesn’t speak like a PERSON. It’s “im the girl who just saved your ass” and stealing Sam’s fries only to go “these things are like *crack.* try some!” I want to like her and I probably did the first time I watched

Oh…omg it doesn’t seem like it was that long ago that that woman’s ex husband died but is her neighbor and friend really trying to talk to her about selling his house already?

This kid is too funny. Ok…Dean at THIS point would not be a good dad. Just wouldn’t be teaching his kid the right way to go about things of what he taught Ben was “if he doesn’t give you your game after asking, kick him in the nards.” Sure he could learn (he being Dean), but it would take a long time

Okay. Here’s the thing. I know this woman’s been through a lot and that that’s not really her daughter, but…there’s something about the practicality of it all. Like…how does she move on from here? (Context: she just rolled her car with the changeling pretending to be her daughter into a river? Lake? Whatever) what do you do? How go you face your—girl, you just lost your car for nothing.

Mmmmmm Ben’s already been taken. Damn.

So how DO you get this whole upper middle class neighborhood to be okay with torching a bunch of supernatural beings who look like their kids? Even if……OH THE REALTOR IS LIKE THE HEAD CHANGELING (oh but in a way that she’s also been taken) anyway, even if you convince all of the parents (unlikely) that they exist…unless it’s a “kill the source, kill the rest” which of course it is

Oh…Sam doing all this research into what happened to Mary’s family and friends is heartbreaking. Especially having to do it alone and on the orders(-ish?) of someone he doesn’t know and barely trusts (if he trusts Ruby at all). I’m frustrated for him.

Forgot Ruby is a demon…

“Been On My Mind…”: I’m starting to think the person who complained about the lack of “hot chicks the Winchesters would hook up with” in later seasons only watched this one.

“Love & Monsters”

When I say I wish I could skip this one I mean it. I’ll power through it but don’t expect much…

Supernatural has the Ghost Facers, Sherlock’s got the Sherlock Survived Truthers (I can’t remember what they call themselves), and Doctor Who has…these guys…

The scooby doo chase sequence is a fun touch

This guy WISHES he was Wilf Mott

Mmmmmmmmmm…can’t blame him for liking Mr Blue Sky

I also can’t separate that actress from her role in Fandom That Shall Not Be Named. Sorry to this actress

Ugh…this dude ruined their whole found family vibe

The storytelling isn’t so bad, I suppose. With the exception of the additional of Victor Kennedy…

This version of Unbreak My Heart fading in and out of the background is fucking hilarious

Oh oh OH JACKIEEEEEE

No no no no not Mr Skinner tooooooo.

Yeah….from here on out I just fucking hate it……..

Literally why would anyone write this plot???

Mmmm makes sense that this alien from the Slitheen’s twin planet

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

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humandisastersquad · 2 years

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ugh. so. my dad (who's a shitty person and an even shittier father) has had a 'medical episode' so will be in my city for diagnosis/treatment etc and honestly i wish mum hadn't told me bc like there's a reason i cut him off from nearly all means of communicating with me!! so i dont get guilt tripped into feeling sorry for him even tho he's shown absolutely no remorse over how terribly he treated me and mum (and even my brother who thinks im being 'overdramatic' and a 'sensitive snowflake' when i say that he abused us).

and like. this isnt the first time something like this has happened like my brother is still stupidly defensive of him and tried to guilt trip me by blaming dad being "suicidal" bc i didnt talk to him that much and i just know that he'll try and bring up the fact that i went and blocked dad on fb recently and blame his recent drinking and bad health etc and tbh i would not put it past that piece of shit to also think that way and mentioned it to my brother in the first place and UGH i know he's getting older and he's already had a massive cancer scare and both his parents passed away from brain related illnesses that started manifesting close to how old he is now and i know even my mum, who was also treated like shit by him and understands my feelings towards no contact, is trying to get me to think about contacting him "just in case" etc and like. before now i honestly wouldnt have cared if he'd had died etc bc he has little to no impact on my life (except the life long psychological trauma) and literally nothing would change

but. uGH i hate how even mum is pushing me to contact him to try and avoid any regret and i know i say my only regret would honestly be not being able to tell him to his face how much of a shit parent he was and how much he fucked me up as a kid but also. fuck. i do have some fond memories of doing stuff with him like going to the beach and collecting shells and other debris to make sculptures and mucking around in the garden and exploring and going rock fishing and camping etc and i know that's the nostalgia talking and doesnt erase all the shit he did and i have absolutely no idea how i'll actually feel and react when he does eventually die but i jsut. i just dont fucking know

#shitty family blogging #uhhh lots of CWs in here like child abuse and death and suicide and cancer mentions btw

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cassthecringe · 2 years

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oddly specific thought alert

i was washing the dishes while listening to Wieniawski’s Scherzo-Tarantelle and then i started thinking about a soft au where noriaki was a semi-violin prodigy and started super young but violin was kind of tainted for him because of the pressure from his parents (*cough cough* nothing to do with his parents thinking he might not be alright in the head with hierophant and noriaki learning quickly that he needs to stay quiet about hiero or else his violin lessons would be canceled and the money would go to a nice lady asking him questions about his imaginary friend *cough cough*) and he took an extended break from it through high school

and at the same time jotaro was stepping away from the piano because sadao had taught him when he was a kid but now holly had divorced him (me, 30 sec ago: a “soft au”) and jotaro just couldn’t find the joy in it (I feel like adding that holly and sadao separated a year or two before sdc would have made Jotaro’s character there a more spicy—which wasn’t helped by joseph telling him he was now “the man of the house”)

ANYWAYS i got off topic during the sdc trip they learn to find their enjoyment in music again together and connect over their mutual problems that led them to step away from their instruments something something jotaro playing for nori on hotel lobby pianos something something noriaki impulsively buying a new violin and coming back to their hotel room and shredding bars on it something something their stands turning their sheet music for them something something they do the piece I was listening too together and the piano accompaniment part is easy enough for jotaro to look up from the piano and watch noriaki play something something they are in love your honor (platonically? romantically? im taking an all of the above happy pride month)

i have a math final in the morning send help

HEY DUDE IM SORRY I DIDN'T RESPOND TO THIS UNTIL NOW IT'S JUST BEEN HELLA BUSY BUT FUUUUCK THIS SOUNDS AWESOME

violin player kakyoin is making feel deranged holy shit he totally would be. VIOLIN IS IN BOTH GOODBYE NOSTALGIA AND VIRTUOUS POPE... SO LIKE. bro I'm gonna go nuts. also JOTARO PIANO OH MY GODDDDDD THAT'S SO FUCKING BIGBRAINED DUDE FUCK. oh my god . i might need to draw something for this i hate drawing instruments but oh my fucking god PIANO VIOLIN DUET WITH JOTARO AND KAKYOIN...

i love this idea dude holy fuck. im sick and ill etc

#cass cries #jjba

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commanderquinn · 10 months

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Good Space Chapter 1: Flower

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

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master list / ao3 chapter link

—

She’s the one good thing about trips to medical in the Avenger’s Tower.

Every other day, at her direct insistence, her lab is the only place in the entire wing that he’s willing to go to. It smells warm and safe, nothing like the antiseptic that makes him want to break a limb. For the first two weeks, he tries to tell her that she doesn’t have to do this. He’s been looking after the link from his arm to his brain for years. There’s never been a problem with it that he couldn’t handle, and he’ll come back if anything ever feels off. No matter how much Steve hovers, she doesn’t need to waste her time on this.

By the start of the third week, he can’t bring himself to suggest that anymore.

—

psa: there’s some gross ass (sometimes detailed) nazi medical shit all through this fic, so if lobotomy talk of any kind is a no for you, skim over any brain talk. your best bet is just to skip the lab scenes where you can ❤️

fic title is a song by skrillex! we needed bouncy shit that vague hinted at plot. the chapter title is a moby song to lay out the v i b e s 👾 im always going to list these, so y’all have a song to listen to while reading

all i can think that needs to be said for canon clarity (ill make it all clear over time dw) is post-WS buckaroo got picked up by steve and sam to be taken for a shower and therapy. no civil war, no age of ultron. we're taking parts of it and doing other shit, you'll see. fury’s publicly alive and director again, shield got flushed out because mmmmm i said so i guess. no red room here. its not about nat, the lack of consent history hanging between them isnt something i want with this. i want to focus on other parts of their trauma bond. alsomaybeishipnatwithsomeoneinthis.

im sorry, but i never started wanda content on my end, and AI jarvis is comfy nostalgia i want to play in, so likely not a lot for her here. yes, we will be having shuri bully bucky, ofc, she’s the pin that holds this whole plot together (what else is new)

oh and i treat bucky’s arm as more of an atompunk feel rather than “the nazi’s had bleeding edge limb tech in ww2 that only affects bucky’s arm, definitely not anything else”

other than that, we’re firmly in good ‘ol stark tech magic and too many open wiki pages for all my plot device needs

also my grammar aint the good. i write these mf's in my spare time while baked af, you're gonna have to give a bitch a break babes 👾

—

Febuary 17th, 2018

"That's not what I'm asking about."

Tony throws up his hands from the other side of the conference table, then lets them smack back down against the polished surface dramatically. "Illuminate me then, Rogers. I'm running out of ways to explain that she's the best I've got to offer for this."

Steve pushes a hand through his hair with a frustrated huff. "I'm not a brain surgeon."

"No shit, that's what she's here for."

"I meant that I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at."

"Now I know you're worried if you're willing to," Tony clutches at the front of his shirt in mock horror, "swear in public." Pepper smacks his shoulder without even looking up from her tablet. The sight would make Steve smile under normal circumstances.

"You can hand me any resume you want, Tony. I'm telling you that I won't be able to see a difference. I know you're giving me a team who can do the work; I'm asking if they can do it while it's Bucky."

"Are you worried about his safety or theirs?" Pepper asks, finally looking over. Her tone isn't judgemental. If anything, it's veering towards the gentleness it has when she's talking Tony down.

"I'm not worried about theirs. I will be there every time. Even if he has a bad day, I'll make sure that—look. Nothing's going to happen. It's just...." Steve flips open the folder he's been carrying for a week. The edges of it are starting to wear down at this point. Sighing, he slides his summary notes to their side of the table. "He still doesn't... he doesn't talk about the previous escapes. No matter what his therapist tries. He just can't bring himself to do it. But it's not hard to get a clear picture of what used to happen. He does this every time. He builds himself a strong house, then a fallback point, and then he goes to work trying to fix all the damage alone, which he'll never be able to do. No one could. And there's not going to be a goon squad rolling in to drag him back anymore, so he's just going to—"

"Yeah, yeah, push him to help him; I grasped the concept the first hundred times," Tony cuts in. If he weren't so damn anxious, Steve might honestly feel bad about being so far up everyone's ass over this. "You've got me on board. So, what's the concern here? Will she quit the first time he bites her head off? That's a pretty chauvinist perspective, especially coming from you."

"She's had to put up with Tony long enough to befriend him; that should be proof enough." Pepper smiles as the nightmare himself points toward her in silent agreement.

Steve raises his hands amicably. "I'm not trying to insult anyone's professionalism. I'm sure she's had more than her fair share of problem patients to get where she is today. I'm... I'm more asking if—Christ. I'm sorry in advance, alright? But... Tony, I need you to look me in the eye and tell me that you'd have trusted her to get you home."

A stiff, all-consuming silence falls over the spare meeting room. Pepper and Steve waiting on bated breath; Tony frozen as he looks back at him with an expressionless face.

Steve despises himself for doing this to him. The knowledge of what happened in that cave is something the man is unimaginably protective over. It took years—and a night of blackout drinking on Tony's end—for the story to even slip out of him. Talking about Yinsen is the only time Steve's seen him cry that he can remember. It was just one overflow, barely even two tears that got scrubbed off his cheeks within the first minute, but it was there. It's the only way Steve knows to get his point across.

Tony looks down at the table and adjusts his posture. His head shifts and his lips purse in that signature move of his, the one that comes up when he's forced to be a person. With feelings. Pepper's arm moves, no doubt taking his hand under the table.

He looks back up, meeting Steve's eyes as his posture relaxes. "I wish they could have met. I think Yin would have gotten a kick out of her fashion taste. I think she'd have gotten an even bigger one out of putting him in it."

It's the most ringing endorsement he's ever heard the man give. More importantly, Steve knows just how much weight sits behind the guarded words.

—

"I've got their personnel files if you want them. They all volunteered them to you willingly."

"I'm alright."

"Do you want their names ahead of time?"

"No."

"Not even their first ones?"

"They can tell them to me."

"Okay."

"...."

"...What are they?"

"The ones that'll be behind the glass are Hannah and Wyatt." Of course Steve knows to start there, where his nerves will fixate the most. Asshole. "You probably won't even talk to the two of them today, but your main doctor for this will definitely offer to let you. Her name is Ava. She's going to check in with you for confirmation on a lot of things before she does them. I shadowed her for over a week, asshole. It's not about you; she does it for everyone."

Bucky grunts. "I wouldn't have jumped on her for it."

"No, you'd have sat there brooding like a petulant jackass instead, probably making her feel bad." Steve pauses for a long moment, fiddling with the paper coffee cup in his hands. "You should read Hannah's file, Buck."

"Why?" He shouldn't ask. He can hear the motive sitting in his best friend's voice. It's a fucking trap, and he fucking knows it, but he also can't stop himself.

"Her last name is Schuster."

He absolutely despises the way the situation makes his gut clench. They're dead. They're all dead, and the ones in their place have been declawed for much longer than he's been off ice. He's probably not even going to talk to the woman, at least not today. He might catch the sight of a name on a coat, however. Or on a chart.

He wanted to do this without letting old habits in. He wanted to at least start this feeling like a person, not a weapon. But he gets why the dickhead is trying to baby-step him into it.

Bucky holds out his hand. Steve silently passes him the tablet he keeps. Neither of them says a word as he reads the SHEILD file to himself, line by line. Taking in a stranger's entire professional life. Her family, her known associates, every residence she's ever held. It takes a moment of hovering his finger over the subfolder with her medical records to talk himself down from opening it. Nothing is lingering in those shadows; Steve wouldn't allow it. That's not a line he needs to cross anymore.

He hands it back when he's done. "The other two?"

"Nothing I could think of. Ava's seen your hard limit list—you remember I told you I was gonna give it to one of your—?"

"I remember. It's okay. That's why you have it."

"Yeah." Steve takes another long pause. "You remember that she knows—"

"I know."

"Good. The others don't. She says they don't need to for any of it, and it's never going on record again." He looks over out of the corner of his eye. "She's going to bring it up today."

"I had a hunch."

"I just wanted to make sure it didn't surprise you."

"I know."

"Good." Steve picks up his coffee to drain the last of it in one swig. He tosses the empty cup into a trashcan by the wall a few tables over before looking back at him. He extends his now-empty hand. "Ready?"

"Not in the fucking least." Bucky raises his hand to lock with his best friends momentarily. "Let's go."

There's no wing in this tower—and he's been through all of them by now—that he dislikes more than medical. The place makes his skin feel like a thousand goddamn spiders are crawling all over him, and the smell of it, fuck. It sits in his head like a fog while it burns up the inside of his nose, making him want to break anything touching any part of him. He'd make Steve be here with him no matter what; that's a given. But the fact that there's going to be a doctor poking at him today while he's trying to power through it all makes the guy's presence non-negotiable. Bucky needs the safety net for the good of everyone in that room.

Steve doesn't try for talking to distract him, mercifully enough. There are times when it helps. Today isn't going to be one of them. He doesn't even have to bring it up for Steve to know, and the reminder that he's understood helps his nerves. It's been an incredibly long time since he had an incident. He's proud of every last one of those days. He won't be upset with himself—well. He'll try not to be upset with himself if that streak ends. But he really, really wants that day not to be today.

Bucky treats it like a mission. He's braced and ready for the antiseptic when they first get through the entrance. He doesn't flinch or huff through his nose at the invasion, not even as they make their way to the specialized divisions. He's walked these hallways before; he's walked every single one in the tower. It was the only way he could get himself to sleep during his first week here. Aside from a few trips to the emergency intake, he hasn't had to force himself back.

He's definitely never bothered with meeting the specialists themselves. It took long enough to convince himself not to memorize the names of every staff member in the tower. He doesn't need to do that anymore. That's what his therapist and the Star Spangled Spandex keep insisting, anyways.

The door Steve goes for sticks out against the sleek hallway long before they reach it. It's painted, and not just a solid color; it's covered with a garden scene done by several different hands, going by the skill variation. Bucky runs his thumb over one of the hundreds of flowers as they walk past it to feel how thick the tiny acrylic mountains are. One of the petals cracks under the light pressure of the move, making him frown. The mural's not sealed at all, despite being long dried. Not the kind of thing maintenance usually overlooks.

An absolute shock of color hits Bucky's eyes when he gets his first look at the neurosurgeon's office. The walls he can spot from this side of the entryway are lined with tie-dye hanging cloths, and the floor is covered in fluffed-up, vibrant rugs. There's not a hint of SHIELD regulation left in the architecture, with all the walls that aren't glass holding even more heavy paint globs. Some of the murals are more flowers, but a majority of them are space themed.

The stench of antiseptic fades the farther into the room Bucky goes. By the time the door shuts behind him, it's entirely replaced with the warm aroma of apples and cinnamon. A long, curved desk is off to one corner, pushed against the glass wall overlooking the city and covered in picture frames. An arrangement of chairs piled with pillows matching the rest of the decor sits in the center. Each one of them is fucking massive.

The room itself is separated in half by a thick glass wall. He can spot two doctors sitting behind an array of equipment on the other, equally decorated side behind the glass. There isn't any creative paint in there from what he can spot. If it weren't for that, he could almost forget that he's standing in a medical lab.

Almost.

"Hi there," comes a voice to his right.

The woman it belongs to almost blends in with the office once Bucky turns his head to look at her. The lab coat that comes down to her knees is a solid blue rather than tye-dye, but it's covered in stitched designs. Most of them are shaped like bees. Bucky barely stops his eyebrows from raising at the sight of the outfit underneath. Loose cloth pants hanging low on her hips, with even more bees on them, and a hand-knit top that would have been called obscene during most of the decades he woke up in. The bun she's pulled her hair into must have been done this morning; more than a few bundles are hanging down haphazardly. Bucky hasn't met a lot of brain surgeons that he knows of, but he doesn't remember any of them having glasses as thick as hers. He's pretty sure that good vision is something most of them need for the job. Not that he's nervous.

She walks over with a warm smile, already extending a hand to him. She's a short, round little thing. Barely five feet, if his guess is accurate. It always is. "I'm Dr. Ryder. You can call me Ava. I'm told you're my newest patient."

He accepts the shake with a nod and tries not to think about how sweaty his hand might feel to her. Wiping it against his pants would have been too weird. "James."

"But you prefer Bucky, right?"

"Yes, ma'am. Ava," he corrects himself quickly.

"Oooh, someone's stepped on some toes in the new century." Her smile takes on a teasing edge. "I'm originally from Canada; you won't find me taking offense. Ingrained cultural manners are a bitch to hold back."

"Careful, they're the only manners he's got," Steve warns, already heading for one of the chairs.

"Ignore him. I'm house-trained," Bucky assures her. Taking his hand back, he hikes a thumb over his shoulder, needing something to stall with. "You sure you don't want someone to give your door a few clear coats? It'd be a shame to see all that work chip off."

Ava waves dismissively. "We redo it a lot; it's a relaxation project around here. It'll look different pretty soon." She points toward the glass wall separating the two halves of the office. "I've got the rest of the team working on a project to give us some space, but I can bring them in for a minute if you'd like to meet them?"

"I'm... I'm alright for now, thanks. I can meet them—whenever."

She doesn't insist further or comment on the blatant nerves in his voice. Her hand waves at the arranged chairs as she moves to sit in one. "Take your pick of the lineup, then. Typically I'd offer to take you to the corner of the roof that we've claimed for ourselves as an alternative. But, I need to keep you in environmental controls for sanitation, at least for the initial visit."

Bucky nods a few times as he sits in the one next to Steve's. His ass sinks nearly a foot into nothing but pillows, and his spine goes rigid. "Here's fine."

He'd have said no anyways, not that he'll mention that. Too many open sight lines with his anxiety on edge. He'll be revisiting the roof before his next appointment to familiarize himself, though, that's for sure. His last trip up there was long before she was even hired. The mental image of bead strings and tye-dye throw blankets on patio furniture flits through his head. If she decorates the same way everywhere, he's guessing it won't be all that hard to find the space.

Ava pulls up a tablet from the coffee table to rest in the middle of her folded legs. He's guessing she's into yoga in her spare time. One of her eyebrows arches at them in amusement. "You know, I've never actually seen someone fill one of these before now."

"The benefits of dosed living," Steve quips, his tone a little too positive. It makes Bucky's foot start to bounce silently against the floor on instinct.

If she notices, the doctor doesn't mention it as she focuses on Bucky. "Steve tells me you prefer when doctors keep things direct with you."

Bucky shifts his eyes over to the man in question, who busies himself with one of the pillows, picking at the hanging fringe. Fucker's going to be hearing about this later, that's for damn sure.

He looks back at Ava. Time to get it over with, he encourages himself. "Yeah, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. I know Steve's already told you, but I want you to hear it from my mouth. I have The Soldier's activation memorized."

He can't stop the gut instinct to swallow over hearing the words, but he nods. "I'm okay with it."

"It's not in any of my notes; it never will be. My team understands that there is a specific trigger in place; they need to in order to do their job. But they have no indication of what it is. I'll never write the words out or speak them where they can be picked up. Steve helped me with the pronunciation and the order when he first gave me your records, but you have my word that I won't be repeating them."

"You should," Bucky insists immediately. "If anything happens, you should, and you shouldn't hesitate about it."

"She knows, Buck," Steve assures him with a murmur. "I took her through the worst case drill. She's got a panic button on her."

"Steve tells me that my reaction time is fast enough for working on your case safely." Ava's head tilts to the side slightly. "Your comfort is the priority here. We can always run through a silent drill together if you'd like the reassurance."

He thinks about it. Honest to god, he lets himself sit in the idea of putting Steve's training to the test for more than a few moments. Neither of them push him for an answer. "I might take you up on that at some point."

She nods, the hair hanging closest to her face bouncing slightly. "Whenever you want. That offer is permanent. I'm taking this case on because I want to help undo what's been done; I'm not here to let it be continued, not even in research." Her eyes shift to Steve, with a bitter defiance building in them. "I trust that'll be clarified to the director if our work here ever reaches his ears, captain."

Steve nods, finally looking up from where he's moved on to picking at the pillow's stitches. "There's no more mud in that water. Fury understands how far over the line we went."

Ava doesn't look convinced in the least. Bucky doesn't blame her, not with the scattered memories of his role in all of it sitting in his head. When she looks back at him, the distrust leaves her eyes. "I'd like to get a better idea of what we'll be working with. I know that's probably going to be one of the most difficult parts of this, so we can try to get through it now if you'd like. Or we can wait until you're feeling more comfortable. It's entirely up to you."

Shifting slightly to straighten out his shoulders, Bucky nods. "I'm ready now."

It's an outright lie, but that doesn't really matter anymore. There's never going to be a time when he is ready. He still needs to do this.

"I'm going to need to adjust your head a few times today," she tells him with a relaxed, melodic tone as she stands up. She lifts a black briefcase from the coffee table and brings it over to rest on the arm of his chair, where he can easily see it being handled. "Is there anywhere you'd prefer me putting my hands? Or anywhere specific you want me to avoid?"

Bucky sees Steve shift his head slightly in his peripheral and wants to roll his eyes. Asshole. He'd have made a joke at the most; he wouldn't have been insulted. Probably. "I can't think of anywhere to steer you away from. You're good to do whatever you need to do."

She doesn't take him into the other section of the room like he thought she would. She doesn't even make him stand back up. All it takes to get the nightmare he's been dreading for years started is Ava pulling a wired, plastic wreath from the briefcase to put over the top of his head. She doesn't push a cold faceplate over his eye and against his temples; no bite guard gets shoved in his mouth. There's no frigid metal probing into the top of his neck to make his teeth buzz until he wants to rip them out of his jaw. The air around him isn't humid and suffocating like it was in that bunker. He can't hear the hum of electric coils or the squeak of leather boots on linoleum.

He's not in Siberia. He's in New York. This isn't a HYDRA agent strapping him down. This is a hippie, who definitely smoked pot this morning, putting a sensor on his head that barely has any weight.

"Here, hold this for me," she tells him from behind his chair, offering her tablet over his shoulder. He takes it silently, bringing it to rest in both hands. A digital scan of his brain is already being mapped out on the screen. It's the first time he's seen the anchor that wraps around his brainstem since the X-rays HYDRA used to leave up like trophies. "We can get a look at this thing together."

Bucky takes a deep breath in. It's… not a pretty sight. Whatever they put in him isn't registering in the bright blue lights of the rest of his brain. They're all dark spots, primarily lines branching out from the anchor that might as well be a black hole.

"You see that?" Ava leans forward to run her nail up the path of one of the lines. It starts at the anchor, and it's attached to another point further up, but that junction is the source of even more lines that go all over. There's a fucking mechanical spider web in his brain. "That's your motor cortex, and those links are tethered to your arm, starting there. That—the one right there—is what's making your cybernetics work."

"What's the rest of it?" There's a fucking lot of it, whatever it is. A lot more than he remembers being put in.

"Considering the intent of the Nazis that had you, the end goal was probably total control." Her finger moves, tapping several things that look way too fucking important as she keeps talking. "All of those there are connected to your essential functions: breathing, heart rate, consciousness. From there, they branched out into trying for control over your limbs. Jesus." She leans further over his shoulder and pinches at the screen to zoom in. "It looks like they were already building into your entire cognitive process."

"What does that mean?" Steve asks, worry rising in his tone.

"It means they were reckless on top of being cruel. And fucking stupid—pardon my French."

"You're talking to soldiers, doc," Bucky reminds her quietly, his brows drawn in as his eyes trace the black spots in his grey matter.

"Right. In that case, fuck every last one of them and the horses they rode... into whichever circle of hell they're burning in, I guess." Bucky's lips twitch slightly as she zooms back out. "They were venturing into parts of the brain that haven't been studied enough for human testing, even by today's standards. Blindly poking just to see what worked; my guess is because they knew that you could survive it. You see that big scary thing under your hippocampus?"

Bucky nods as she taps at the anchor. "Yeah. Yeah, that was… that was the first part. That got put in, I mean." He clears his throat when it starts to scratch. "I'm. I'm pretty sure it was the first part."

"Do you want to know why you don't feel sure?" she asks gently. Her voice has dropped to something much softer. It makes him sit back in the overly comfortable chair incrementally.

"Yeah," he tells her quietly, honestly. He wouldn't have a year ago.

Ava circles her finger around the center of his brain, where one of the more prominent lines from the anchor holds several thinner, black branches. "That's your limbic system. It controls emotion, memory, behavioral habits, that kind of thing. They fried it at some point trying to get to your memories, I assume. My team has the photograph from your HYDRA file, the one with the X-ray from your initial brain surgery. I've studied it with my own eyes. That serum in your bloodstream is the only thing that brought you back from being a vegetable. The salvaged notes from the initial facility they kept you in mention months of unresponsiveness and varying levels of brain activity.

"There's a reason you can't remember who you were then, Bucky. They wiped you clean because they knew you, out of all their test subjects, could recover from it. There wasn't enough left of your mind to hold memories, much less any kind of higher will." He hears her clothes shuffle behind him and sees Steve turn his head to look back at her from the corner of his eye. "I'm more than willing to testify to that in any court on Earth, captain. So we're clear."

"Understood," Steve replies, his voice thick. "I appreciate that."

Fuck, so does Bucky. Too bad he can't get his throat to open back up at the moment.

"Now, let's talk about the hard part." He hears Ava sigh. "From what I can see, there's no way we can remove any of this. Not by any standard that I'm willing to entertain, at least."

Bucky shakes his head and tries clearing his throat again. It doesn't feel anywhere near as successful this time around. "That's fine. I don't—I don't think I'd… I wouldn't be ready for that. I just want to know it's not…."

"Capable of being controlled remotely?" she offers when he trails off.

"Yeah. Aside from the code. I don't—that's not a problem. They're dead. Anyone else that had it, I mean." Christ, his foot's going to bounce straight out of his boot, right through the leather.

"I can't make any kind of assurances at this stage when it comes to that. But you have my word that it will be my team's primary focus." Her hand pulls back, and he feels four of her fingertips lightly rest on his shoulder. "I'd prefer to check that connection point they left over your spinal cord before you leave today, but the rest of what we need for diagnostics can wait until another time."

Bucky pulls in a heavy breath through his nose. "Yeah. I'm ready to do that."

"I need to get a few things for it and check in with my team." She taps at the side of the wreath lightly. "You don't have to keep looking at the scan, but you should leave this on while I'm gone so we can get some basic readings."

"You're the boss, doc." He tries not to make it look like he's in a hurry to get the thing out of his hand when he dumps the tablet on his leg.

"I'll be back in just a bit," she tells them, calmly shuffling off into the other half of the office. The glass door hisses loudly as she goes through it, confirming it's a sterile lab. The wall frosts over shortly after with the privacy screen activating.

Neither of them says a word for the first few minutes.

"Well," Steve finally offers up, his voice still as thick as when he thanked the doctor. "There's the confirmation you've been waiting for."

"That's not what that was—"

"Alright, you know what? Fuck you very much, Buck—"

"Fuck me? Fuck me? Yeah, I guess that's how it works now, what with you making alll the fucking calls—"

Steve's finger comes sailing into his face. "This affects more than just—" He stops with a short, muted groan and yanks his hand back to shove through his hair. After a moment, he lets it fall to his thigh in a clenched fist. "You want to sit here blaming yourself for it all, fine. I've got no right to tell you to stop when I'm still doing the exact same thing. But I'm pulling you through this whether," his voice goes high and mocking as he turns to glare a hole into the side of Bucky's head, "yooou like it or not. I let you fall once; I'm not fucking doing it again, asshole."

Bucky stares down a lava lamp sitting on the coffee table for a long, silent moment, his face pinched. He counts the number of wiggling blobs floating from the top to the bottom. He takes in their shared color and picks as close to a stupid paint name for it as possible. One by one, his photographic memory goes down the list of stupid colors from that stupid swatch wall at the stupid art supply store that Steve takes him to when he can't sleep at three in fucking the morning. He decides on fuchsia because it sounds extra stupid. There're twelve in total, they're fuchsia, and his best friend is as stupid as the name of their color.

The anger eventually eases up. "You're the asshole."

Steve sits back in his chair with a sigh. "Love you, too."

It takes a long minute of grinding his teeth for Bucky to force out the question that won't stop echoing in his head. "She doesn't know about the others?"

"She knows there were other attempts, but no, I didn't tell her any of them were successful. I left my notes in her file on what's been held back from her, along with the things she knows that her team doesn't. You can tell her whatever you want; that's up to you. I really think you should read through all of their files."

"Yeah?" Bucky snaps mockingly. "I really think you should kiss my ass."

Steve reaches out to grab one of the magazines from a stack on the coffee table. His posture is resigned and absolutely screaming I know better than you right now, idiot. "You should grow the fuck up."

—

There's no way the notes from HYDRA cover all his surgeries, not with this much framework built up inside his brain.

Steve warned her to expect something like this. The bastards passed Bucky around like a science experiment over the decades. Whenever a station was compromised, all of its records were destroyed to safeguard HYDRA's critical secrets, the work and confirmed existence of the Winter Soldier being one of them. Only a handful were raided by SHEILD efficiently enough to prevent further loss of his medical history. What remains is the scattered works of solitary minds spanned across decades.

In Ava's opinion, not one of those minds should have been granted the mercy of seeing daylight again after their senseless, abhorrent, despicable crimes against the sergeant. Never in her life has she been a violent woman, but given a blunt object and five minutes with the lot of them, she'd have been very tempted to rebalance nature with ruthless gusto.

A hand nudges at her arm, pulling her from her distraction with a quick inhale. "Sorry, repeat that?"

Wyatt's eyebrows pull in sympathetically. "Y'can hand this part off to one of us, boss."

"You can hand it off to him," Hannah interrupts briskly, her eyes never moving from where they're pressed against a microscope.

"Y'can hand it off to me," Wyatt rapidly corrects with a warm smile. He drums his stylus against his arm and leans against the lab's center console. The movable hologram program Tony gifted them is already building detail into one of the darkest acts in human history. Right there, in front of one of the most gentle souls Ava's ever met. The contrast makes her stomach drop. "I mean it; y'know me, I got a real sweet touch. Betch'a the sergeant wouldn't even know I'd been there til it was over."

"Don't make me say it, Combs." Hannah almost sounds bored. The former marine is in a good mood today.

Wyatt doesn't even bother with throwing a quip back at her. He's usually wise enough to know when he's in a losing battle. Reaching out, he gives Ava's shoulder a supportive bump. "You said so yourself; he's alright with meetin' us."

Ava shakes her head, bringing her hand up to rub at the bridge of her nose. Her eyes are stinging hard enough to make them water. She shouldn't have pulled an all-nighter before this; it definitely isn't helping her frustration. "He's okay with it; that doesn't mean he's ready for it. You should see the way he's practically vibrating in that chair. There's not one part of this he isn't forcing himself through. I want to try to limit contact until he feels like he's in control of the space around him."

"That won't take long," Hannah comments quietly, reaching for another slide. "There are certain habits infiltrators don't lose."

"Speakin' from your own experience on that one?" Wyatt asks, curiosity creeping into his tone. Their eternal beacon of southern sunshine has yet to give up chasing details about her, unlike everyone else who visits their little medical corner.

"Infiltrator is not the classification I would have given myself. I was never very subtle in my old line of work."

"Yeah, 'cause subtle's definitely the word I'd pick for your blunt ass now." Wyatt rolls his eyes and extends his hand to rapidly spin the projection of Bucky's brain with the flick of a stubby finger. "Either'a you looked at these trenches much yet? There's different cablin' in every major section. None of it's got a set standard, far as I can tell."

"I don't think he ever had the same doctor for more than two surgeries." Ava leans heavily against the console with a sigh, trying not to let herself venture into the mindset of a terrified soldier. She has to stay detached, or this will eat her alive before they're even halfway done. The enlarged hologram already hurts to look at in more ways than one. "Steve confirmed that HYDRA intermittently lost sections of his records through the years. All of this could be fractured by the decades; we won't know until Paige starts getting a read on the programming behind that main port."

"How do you want us to handle data transfer?" Hannah asks.

"Let's keep this off our internal server as much as we can help it. Tony sectioned off a virtual instance that we can burn when needed, but the only time you should be using that is for his scans. Put everything else on an isolated hard copy here in the lab, wherever you can do it without hindering the work. I want the equipment analysis kept as off-record as possible. I don't want this being recreated. By anyone."

"Definitely agreein' with you on that one, boss." Wyatt pokes his finger into the projection's left frontal lobe, halting its slowing spin. "I know we said extraction ain't the goal here, but I'm gonna be runnin' some sims on that when I've got the time. I don't like the idea of leavin' any'a this shit in, even if we do get it identified and nuked."

Ava nods and reaches up to give his shoulder a warm squeeze. "Let me know what initial paths you route; we can build from there. I doubt he'll be ready for any extensive work for years to come, but the least we can do is present him with some options." She takes a deep breath through her nose as she looks over the port connection on the hologram. "Alright, I'll be back after I finish his consultation."

"Good luck, boss," Wyatt encourages with a smile. "Tell the sergeant we said hi."

She waves her hand over her shoulder with a hum and braces herself to face her latest patient again.

The sergeant himself is sitting just as stiffly as he was when she left, but the captain has moved on to relaxing with a magazine in his hands. They both look up at the sound of the door opening, with a laid-back smile on Steve's face and a forced one on Bucky's. She almost wants to tell him that he doesn't have to make an attempt.

"Sorry for the wait; needed a quick check-in with the brain trust." And to not want to throw something heavy through Tony's fancy glass walls. "They wanted me to pass along their hello's. Dr. Combs, in particular, is very excited to meet you."

Bucky huffs a silent laugh through his nose as she returns to stand at the side of his chair. She doesn't try to move behind him for the moment. "Yeah, I'm sure I'm real—"

"Buck," Steve cuts in softly with a side eye in his best friend's direction.

"Fascinating?" Bucky's eyes lift to Ava's at her teasing guess, and his responding nod is sheepish. She smiles at the attempted manners. "Your case is as interesting as it is horrific, that's for sure. Lucky for you, we're a morbid bunch, so you can go for the gallows humor whenever you want." She taps at Bucky's arm with the pad of her index finger, trying to warm him up to repeat physical contact. "However, I'm pretty sure Wyatt is looking forward to asking for your autograph above everything."

The sergeant's eyebrows rocket toward his hairline. "What's he looking for? Love, The Winter Soldier?"

"Bucky." Steve doesn't even look over this time; he just drops one side of the magazine to pinch the bridge of his nose.

The sight of an exasperated Captain America sitting in her office makes Ava snort loudly. She doesn't miss the way it makes Bucky's lips raise at the corners. "He comes from a long line of history buffs who believe accurate preservation is the best tool to prevent it from repeating. The guy grew up with battle models and field testimonials from every major war. I'm guessing he had some Howling Commando envy as a kid, though he won't own up to that on his end."

"He knows I was one of them for all of five minutes, right?"

"None of us were Howlies for long," Steve forcefully insists, one foot coming over to kick Buckys. "But that doesn't change the good we did while we were."

"It also won't stop him from chewing your ear off about it if you let him." Ava crosses her arms over her chest in amusement. "My advice is to stop him early. Definitely before he starts asking what you remember about the maps. You've got a real Milo Thatch working on your brain now." Bucky looks up at her in confusion. "Haven't gotten around to Disney movies yet? Milo's a character from Atlantis, one of my personal favorites. He and Wyatt share a certain level of academic excitement."

"I'll add it to the watch list." A small smile comes up, making her wonder what his cheeks look like when he really lets it go. "And keep the point of no return in mind."

She stops herself from gushing about the beauty of the art behind the movie, wanting to honor his headfirst approach. "You ready to get the last part of today's visit over with?"

His shoulders rise with another resigned intake, making her want to be ferociously violent toward the closest available Nazi. "I'm ready when you are, doc."

"My go-to hardware specialist built a prototype connector based on the scans Tony got during your initial intake. It's only the first iteration for the sake of data extraction, so be sure to speak up if anything feels off. Anything at all, even if it's just minor discomfort. She can work on changing it for the next build. I'm sure Steve can attest to Paige's efficiency at her job by now."

The slightest hint of a blush comes over the captain's cheeks at the teasing mention of his numerous visits to the engineering department. "Ms. Findley—"

"Does she ask you to call her that?" Bucky jumps on his best friend with immediately. Ava would feel bad about chumming the waters, but the banter is making him relax against the chair.

Steve shuts his mouth momentarily. The blush gets a shade darker before he opens it again. "Paige is a very dedicated worker. And a lovely conversationalist. How do you two know each other? Through Tony?"

Now Ava really does feel bad. She puts a hand on her hip and tries to keep her smile from growing. "No, I'm the one who introduced them. She's been my best friend for about fifteen years now."

Steve freezes, and Bucky's grin takes over the lower half of his face. The sergeant sits all the way back, with shoulders that are perfectly at ease. "Oh, good. If I think of anything later, I can just have Stevie drop it off for me. I'd hate to forget between appointments."

Ava pulls the wireless reader and its port connector from the briefcase on Bucky's chair. She steps up behind him and tries not to let her eyes linger on how his smile lights up his face or how it warms her chest to see. Her free hand comes to rest on his left shoulder, leaving the exit door in his right peripherals. "This shouldn't take more than a few minutes at most. Ready?"

"Hit me." It almost doesn't sound forced.

She lifts his hair and runs her thumb over the port once to brace him for the new sensations before lining up the connector. As she'd explicitly requested of Paige, the mechanism doesn't snap into place when she locks it in, meaning there's no responding vibration to move through his skull. The notes from Bucky's therapist that were passed along didn't mention it, but they hardly mention anything at all. There's a lot he's holding back, there has to be, and she's been trying to preempt as much of it as she can.

Bucky's nails dig into the arm of the chair, and he inhales sharply. After a moment, his fingers start to relax one by one. Ava watches them all, her eyes moving between his hands and neck repeatedly, while the reader begins its data harvest. She gives him long enough to get a few steady breaths in.

"Have you started any animated movie binges?" she prods, wanting to stall for time to get a closer look at his implant. With him letting her hold up his hair like this, it might be her only chance for the foreseeable future.

"Sam's gotten me to sit through a few of his picks," he replies tensely.

"Mmm. I'm guessing Mister Feathers is a Pixar fan."

"I know that's an animation studio, but that's the extent of my expertise on the subject. Are they the ones who made Lilo and Stitch?"

"He did not make you watch that one first."

"He did, but that's technically not my first animated movie. We had them back in the 30s, you know."

"Some of us still call it animation's golden age," Steve mutters in the most crotchety old artist fashion, his eyes back on the magazine in his lap.

"Take a look around this room, Rogers," Ava sasses. "Do I look like someone who'd argue with you about its significance?"

"Point taken."

Her eyebrows pull in while she looks over just how much of Bucky's spinal cord is exposed to outside influence. She knows how far the port runs thanks to the scans, but now she's getting an eyeful of movable hatching and flesh that will never get the proper chance to heal.

"How are you handling the daily care of this?" she asks, running her finger around one edge of the port.

"I do it," Bucky tells her simply.

Her eyes lock on the back of his head in disbelief. "You do… what, exactly?"

"I've got a morning routine for it. Clear the excess buildup, sterilize the whole area, work the skin, that kind of thing."

"You understand that this has direct access to your brainstem, right?"

"I know." He shifts his weight in the chair. "I'm careful."

"I have several medical degrees, one of which is entirely focused on the human brain, and even I would hesitate to approach this on my own body. If anything that can give you so much as a hundred-degree fever touches this, you're dead, Bucky." She lets the hand not holding up his hair come to rest on his shoulder. "I'm not trying to scare you with this, but as your doctor, I need to make sure you understand the severity here. I don't want you doing this yourself anymore; I want you to come to my office for it."

"That's not necessary—"

"What time do you want him here in the mornings?" Steve asks, ignoring Bucky entirely.

"I don't need to come here in the mornings—"

"It doesn't have to be every morning," Ava offers, wanting to give him a compromise. She's definitely not letting him go back to doing it himself. "I can set up a stable cleaning routine every other day whenever you have the time to come in."

"I have it handled, really—"

"I wouldn't push it past three days, though."

"Every other morning," Steve agrees. "That's perfect. JARVIS can keep an eye on the schedules for him."

"I've got working fucking eyeballs," Bucky almost shouts, making Ava and Steve finally let up.

She squeezes her hand on his shoulder, half in apology, half in sympathy. "Yes, you do. But they happen to be in the front of your head. My eyes can see the back of your neck without a mirror, and they've got a decade's worth of disgustingly thorough medical training behind them. You came here because you're ready for this to get done. Now you actually have to let me do it."

Bucky lifts a hand as if he's about to argue but then lowers it with a soft sigh. "Yeah... yeah, alright. But I'm not always going to be here in the mornings—"

"She said it doesn't have to be the mornings," Steve cuts in again.

"You know what I mean, jackass. I'm not always going to be here consistently. I have, you know, a job that you try to boss me around on—"

"We can make sure you've got a trained medic to help—"

"No, Grant."

The words are said softly, and it takes a moment for Ava to even remember that it's the captain's middle name, but something happens in the wake of them. Steve's relentless push stops on a dime, and the fight leaves Bucky's shoulders. The two of them relax marginally, and Steve nods once. "Okay. So, we establish the routine here. Get it ironed out; get you practiced with it. Then I'll clear you for doing it yourself on missions. But if you miss even one while you're here, so help me—"

"I got it, I got it."

Steve watches Bucky with a tightly held expression for another long moment. Then he looks up at Ava with a nod. "He'll be here, and I'll make sure he's not cleared for another mission until you two have a stable routine for taking care of this."

Ava gives Bucky's shoulder another light squeeze. "I promise it'll be quick every time. I'll work with Paige on making you a field kit. In the long run, this shouldn't interrupt your normal day-to-day much at all."

"Appreciate the effort, doc." Bucky gives a soft grunt. "Sorry for the. Y'know. Pushback."

"I think the world owes you a little more than patience as backpay, Sergeant. I'm happy to help where I can."

—

Febuary 19th 2018

"I can handle it if you want me to."

"No. No, I... I can do it."

"You're sure?"

"You think I can't?"

"I think you look like you're about to throw up on my shoes."

"I don't like the idea of... starting off like that."

"That's why I'm offering to do it."

"No. It should be me. There are things you won't be able to explain."

"You can always fill in the blanks when she shows up for Soldat training."

"What a great alternative first impression! Hello, ma'am, not only am I a complete jackass, but I also delegate my role as—"

"You're not delegating; you're assigning the right person to the job. And this takes away the need for you to be a jackass."

"Leaving you to be a confrontational bitch in someone's eyes?"

"What's the issue there?"

"That's not what you are, Nat."

"Says who?"

Steve reaches out to smack the side of her arm. "That's one of my closest friends you're ragging on."

"She can take it." Natasha looks over at him, a bored hike to one brow. "Let's stay focused on what the doctor can take. This won't be like the therapists. We can't put him through multiple doctors on this. We'll only get one or two tries before he draws the hard limit."

He nods, turning his eyes back to the closed elevator doors. "Right. Right, it's for a good reason. I can do it."

"You don't have to. I can handle it."

"I know. But it should be me." He knocks the side of his boot against hers. "Thank you."

"Always. Let me know how it goes."

Natasha's off the elevator before the doors are even finished opening, leaving Steve to collect himself alone. He pushes off the back railing with a heavy sigh. No part of this is going to be easy to stomach. He's accepted that. He exits the elevator with a resigned set to his shoulders.

The medical wing is dark this late into the day. JARVIS already confirmed that the doctor is still in the building. From the AI's reports, she pulls late nights like this regularly. It bodes well for what he'll have to ask of her and her team.

He stops to admire the heavy paint on the outside of the lab's door. There's days worth of work here, clearly a labor of love. It takes until he's admiring the fourth flower of his perusal to notice that it's not all the same artist. He scans it a bit quicker after that, trying to take a guess as to how many different hands took part. His best guess is four.

Accepting that he's been inadvertently stalling, Steve pushes it open roughly. He probably should have expected the onslaught of color in the room from seeing the door. It still hits him hard enough to make him do a double-take through his exaggerated annoyance. The doctor sitting on the other side of a very large desk nearly jumps out of her chair.

"Christ Al-fucking-mighty," she swears, one hand coming up to brace against her chest. Steve gets nailed with a furious glare. "Knock much?"

Well, that's one test passed. "Are you Dr. Ryder?"

"I am. Who the hell wants to—oh." Recognition dawns on her face as Steve gets close enough to be illuminated by her desk light. The fury in her shifts toward indignance. "I happen to hold a lot of respect for you, at least during normal business hours. So, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and let you have a moment to explain yourself, captain."

He almost starts with an apology, but he catches himself in time. "I've been told you're one of the best neurosurgeons we're in contact with—"

"No, you've been told I am the best." She crosses her arms over her chest and leans back in her chair. Her head inclines toward him. "You can continue."

Steve's reservations about her being able to handle Bucky are leaving rapidly. It almost makes him smile. He holds it together with his best captain voice. "I need your expertise on a consultation. A private consultation. Completely off SHEILD books."

"Am I being roped into the organization's second overhaul?" There's bitterness lingering in her tone. The kind Steve remembers feeling on his own end for months leading up to Fury's near-assassination.

"No. When I say private, I mean private. This isn't under SHIELD purview. I'll be expecting discretion if you think you're up to the case, so we're clear."

The doctor's eyebrows sail up, and her head moves back far enough to hit her chair. "I'll be expecting you to hand over some details before I agree to a damn thing. As a follow-up, you can provide me with an explanation as to why this needed to be done an hour before midnight, with no forewarning and definitely no respect. Otherwise, you can turn your happy ass back around and go find the other neurosurgeons you didn't feel like harassing first."

Damn. He really should have gotten Natasha to do this; she's faster with proper comebacks. "You'll be given information as you need to know it. First, I need to make sure that—"

"First, you can fuck off." Her head shifts to one side as he pauses. "I don't respond well to authority, captain. I'm sure whatever's going on is very important if it's got America's Sweetheart making an ass of himself in the middle of my office on a Monday night. But that's not really my problem. It could be, were I given a reason to care about it."

"Does rectifying war crimes warrant your valuable attention, doctor?" The words feel awful leaving his mouth; she doesn't deserve to get barked at like this. But he needs an honest indication of how she'll react to a bad day.

Ava watches him with a slightly open mouth for more than a few tense moments. Then recognition dawns for a second time, and her eyes roll dramatically. "Oh, for god's sweet sake. You could have just asked if I have experience with PTSD patients. Hell, you were clearly sent by Tony, and I met the man at a veteran's benefit, so you could have asked him. Barnes' presence on the Avenger's roster isn't exactly a secret these days."

Steve holds himself still, then shifts his weight to one foot. "You met at a veteran's benefit?"

She nods slowly, with a bit of mockery behind the motion. "Yes. Almost a decade ago. He funds most of my work with the VA."

That hadn't been included in her resume. He didn't want to invade her privacy by pulling her file until she agreed to it. Steve feels heat rise to his cheeks. Then the anger starts to surface. "You know, I'm not one hundred percent sure I was supposed to know that."

"You think?" The words are bone dry, and her posture is still defensive, but there's a smile working its way up from the corners of her lips.

"Look, I...." Steve raises a hand to the back of his neck sheepishly. "I apologize. I promise it's not about doubting your professionalism—"

"It's about protecting family, yeah, I get it." Her arms don't unfold from her chest. But her eyebrows do come back down.

"He's very important to me. I want to make sure he's in good hands, that's all."

"Well?"

Steve's brows draw in. "I wasn't trying to dump the case on you right now—"

"No, idiot." Her eyes roll again, with much less aggression. "I'm asking if I passed."

"Oh." He nods, his cheeks still feeling far too hot. "With flying colors, so far. There's still a lot more to cover before we get Bucky involved, but. Yes, ma'am. I think you'll handle him just fine."

With a sigh, her arms finally lower. She extends a hand out in his direction. "Ava Ryder. It's very nice to meet you, Captain Rogers."

He takes her hand with a firm shake, inclining his head apologetically. "It's very nice to meet you, as well, doctor. You can call me Steve."

"You can call me Ava. So can James whenever I'm finally graced with his presence."

Yeah. She'll do just fine. "He prefers Bucky. And I'm sure he'll provide you with a much more agreeable first impression. All that can wait until you don't look like you're going to fall asleep on your keyboard, though.

Ava smiles warmly at him, falling back against her chair as she takes back her hand. "I'm looking forward to it. You can send me the details on the case at a reasonable hour to make up for scaring the shit out of me."

"Yes, ma'am." He tips his head respectfully, already backing up from her desk. "Sorry for the scare. And for being so disrespectful. He really is—"

"Important to you." She waves her hand dismissively before reaching up to push at her glasses. "I get it, don't worry. I'd be twice as much of a wreck in your shoes. You're doing fine."

Sometimes, on the rarest of occasions, there are benefits to having the worst moments of his life in the history books. "I appreciate that, thank you. You have a good rest of your night, ma'am. I'll send—I'll have JARVIS send you his file—"

"Captain Rogers is unaware of how to forward SHEILD files, doctor," the AI cuts in gleefully.

"I had my suspicions, JARVIS; thanks." She waves her hand again, this time in goodbye, as she looks back at her computer screen. "Please don't trip on my carpet and bust your ass on the way out of my office."

Steve pointedly turns on his heel, glad for the excuse to hide his burning face. He all but races to the door. "I'll be in contact, doc."

"Mhmm."

When he pulls open the painted door, he's almost unsurprised to find Natasha leaning against the other side of the hallway. She doesn't move at all, but one side of her mouth lifts in a smirk.

Steve lets the door shut softly behind him before cocking his head to the side. "Very cute. You two in on it together?"

"No, but sniffing out Tony's bait didn't take long. You'd have noticed, too, if you weren't so far up Bucky's ass." Her head tilts in the opposite direction as his. "Feel better?"

He straightens up with a nod. The motion feels confident. "Much."

—author's end notes, yoinked straight from ao3—

“what’s paige like?” well. to put it simply. she is every last ounce of karma that steve has earned by lovingly terrorizing his best friend 😌

i feel like the overall theme got covered enough with this to tell if the plot is for you or not. flirting starts next, but isn't super blatant until chap 4. i am in zero rush and will have no problem with dedicating an entire chap to cuddling tbh, this is a comfort project im in for the long haul. check back later for * to get full smut taste, current (possibly changing) map has it in chap 9. OR you can check back for kinktober, i have all 31 days outlined for these idiots. i need starfield to be good so i can do smut for that too, bethesda pls

keep in mind this will get sci-fi weird at times, and loosely ref/revolve around greek myth tropes bc iiiii like ‘em ❤️ im a fandom ancient who takes no issue with cleaning out the dickhead comments 😌 also i might edit shit. im still not clear on what ao3 will email about a bookmark (god willing its not edits that dont include a new chapter) but just in case i figured id warn for anyone who doesn't want email spam

im gonna try to keep ava and paige as vague as possible, aside from a few scattered physical details so i have SOMETHING to write. my favorite bucky fic in existence is a reader!fic (safe with me is Ungodly levels of good, and i dont just say that as a fellow west wing addict. i constantly forget that his apartment in it isn't actually canon and there're no m&ms hiding for eternity somewhere) so you wont get any judgment from me on replacing both of them right down to their names, that’s how im writing them!! it just feels unfair to tag it a reader fic with them being given SUCH a heavy “presence" i guess

main pov's (the undated ones) will always flip between bucky and ava. the dated ones are other characters pov's OOOOOOR its a flashback in which case it could be the two of them, but ill always try to make it clear whose headspace is focused up front, so i dont think ive set up a hurdle there

thanks for reading ❤️ i love and appreciate feedback immensely ❤️ feeds the brain chemicals 😌 no worries abt spoilers, i feel like anyone looking there knows what theyre risking lmao

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #chapter update #man the way thats going to be the extend of effort i have when it comes to promoing this damn thing #truly astonishing how little fandom energy i have lmao #i sure as shit aint taggin the other ones with anything but my sorting tags lmao #i do not have the Energy #good space

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drunkjaked · 1 year

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Happy birthday!!!! We're the same age now omg!! I hope you've an awesome day!!!! I'm actually on a trip right now with my brother so I'll make sure to order some cake to celebrate! I'm sorry about your presentation, it really sucks when you don't do as well as you want 😔 but I'm happy to hear about the guy that's so exciting and he sounds nice!! my classes went well but I'm kind of upset because on one of my final papers I got a way better grade than I deserve and I feel bad for people who tried. I wrote it like half an hour before it was due and actually missed the deadline by a couple minutes so I had to email it to my professor but it was less than half as long as it was supposed to be and didn't have a conclusion and I didn't use actual evidence it was just really bad but I got an a??? And like I shouldn't complain but I will I did not deserve that grade >:( I'm really happy with my necklace, though!!! It's so so pretty and I would share it with you if I could :( I'm not really doing anything for the holidays, I get back from my trip right before Christmas but my older brothers won't be able to come to celebrate with us like they usually do 😔 but we'll call them so it'll be okay. I hope you have fun with your family!!! I'm so dependent on my family idk what I'll do when I move out >.< I actually graduated this semester so I'm done with school?? And I'm starting my career?? Wild. But I'm planning on traveling so I'll have to get used to doing stuff by myself -_- I totally understand about the spotify wrapped I wish you didn't have to go through all that to get the stats and could just see it cause it's a little much. My top artist was Beyoncé because her new album is so good and I can't stop listening it's on loop and my top song... was misery business... I honestly didn't think I listened to it that much but I guess I did. The Disney specials weren't that great now, I really just watched them for the nostalgia but phineas and ferb holds up well I actually watch it a lot... I can match every song to its episode it's kinda sad... but it's fun! Marianne was a really weird show it's about this author whose haunted by some witch demon ghost thing it's really good but it's also super freaky so you probably don't want to watch it... my favourite genres are horror and rom coms which I know is kind of an odd match but idk I've always liked them and they have their own separate appeal 🤷‍♀️ and omg you're going to Paris??? That's so cool!!! I'm actually going next year! Have an amazing time and tell us all about it!!! I think that's everything so have an awesome day!!! -💕

thank you 💕 for the birthday wishes, i truly appreciate it and im glad to be age mates now !!! my day was awesome indeed thank you so much :DDD i hope you guys are having the best time and if you do end up ordering cake i hope it’s the loveliest yummiest cake in the world ⭐️⭐️⭐️

i have this one friend who’s been studying abroad and i haven’t seen him since september when he left but he came home to surprise me for my birthday and i literally cried so hard it was so so so sweet and i really appreciate him :’))) it sucks he had to go back yesterday though it was great seeing him anyways <3

it was a design project where we had to design and present our idea for a housing estate and i did well in terms of my part of the design and other things i contributed which i’m happy about !!! just sucks i didn’t express it well enough on the day but it’s alright :))) he is really sweet, he ended up calling me to say happy birthday and then we spoke for like 20 minutes about random stuff and caught up a little which was really so so lovely .. sigh

you got an A??? that’s SUPER impressive on it’s own but especially considering the time frame you had !!! i definitely understand that aspect of feeling bad but it’s over and done with now so don’t beat yourself up too hard ! congrats anyways :DDD

the necklace is gorgeous honestly, please wear it enough for the both of us hahahahh - you are so sweeeeet !!!

sorry to hear that your older brothers won’t be able to join you though :( it’s good that you guys will be able to call and chat though and i hope you have a good time nonetheless ! and at least you’re on this trip with your one brother :)

i actually moved out for my first year but i had to go back home because of covid and everything and i remember being so worried about being away from my family but it’ll be easier than you think when you do end up moving ! don’t worry too much about it

AND WOWWWWW YOU GRADUATED??? wow wow wow CONGRATULATIONS THAT IS SO SO MAJOR IM VERY PROUD OF YOU 🥳🥳🥳 and i definitely feel that about finishing everything up.. if everything goes well i’ll be graduating in the summer which is just.. insane to think about – though im looking at applying for a postgrad so i’ll have a little more time :p

wishing you the best of luck in the world of work when the time comes ! i believe in you 110% :DDD travelling will be so so so much fun ugh my older brotherwent travelling a couple years back and had the best time so i’m hoping the same for you if you’re able to <333

i actually haven’t listened to her new album yet.. any stand out tracks i should look forward to? OHHHH MISERY BUSINESS oh my gosh i used to listen to paramore all the time that’s so awesome of you wow

phineas and ferb oh wow i remember loving it so much, such a good theme song as well, AND THAT IS NOT SAD i think it’s really cool actually, i hope to rewatch and be as well versed as you someday :) and wow marianne sounds .. terrifying. but i’m glad you enjoyed it !

do you think there’s a market for horror romcom hybrids because rhat would probably be super interesting.. do you have a favourite romcom?

and oh my god yes i am .. i genuinely can’t believe it :ooo i’m going with my best friend and i’m so so so excited for everything we’ll experience ! extra special because it’ll be our first overnight trip together so im hoping to make the best memories in the world and i’ll for sure talk about it forever and in detail i think 😭😭😭

so fun you’re going there too, i hope you have the best time and i can’t wait to hear about it !!!

i hope you have an awesome day too thank u so much and again 🫂🫂🫂

#💕 anon #saxophonist 💌🫀

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snackhobi · 4 years

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Shortbread!!! The myth! The legend!!

honestly... his power is off the charts 😳🤧 new cryptid idea: shortbread the pigeon yes/no

#THIS MESSAGE MADE ME LAUGH #i have a picture of the fishing net too omg my bosses HATED that bird #sorry im just having a nostalgia trip now #ask #anon #ask: heavy lifting

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daegalfangirl · 3 years

Text

𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐬 | 𝐧.𝐲𝐭

summary ; you and yuta were up late and decided gas station food was the best way to go.

pairing ; yuta x reader

genre ; fluff

wc ; 0.5k+

warnings ; consumption of DELICIOUS gas station food (just a slushie LMFAO) might make you hungry bc it made me hungry

a/n ; i projected my late night gas station visits obsession onto this and im sorry but it was so worth it bc gas station food is OWFDOWNSLEBD and just going w like there with someone else with you idk it just takes me into another world it's such an escape from reality. didnt mean to get detailed about that oops but lord it's actually so good ugh. pls tell me im not the only one

part of my nct ships!! | ship #2

yuta: you busy?

you: nope, per usual though

yuta: meet me at the gas station in 10

you: yuta this is the 4th time this week 😭

yuta: but does it ever get old?

you: ...no

yuta: see you there <3

—

you shoved your freezing hands in your fluffy jacket as you arrived at the gas station. quite a short trip if you must say.

maybe a 5 minute walk at most?

it was near both you and yuta's apartment buildings which were very close on their own, which was a pretty significant perk in your relationship.

you weren't surprised when you saw yuta waiting outside, some warm jacket wrapped around his frame. it was quite chilly during the nighttime, but you didn't mind. it amplified the nostalgia in a way that you couldn't explain.

"this is starting to become a habit between us yuta." you say as you approach him. "you're right, but any habit with you involved makes it good," he says with a wink.

you laugh and wave your hand at him, jokingly signaling for him to go away. "you're being too cheesy naka!" you wince as the both of you let out a short fit of laughs.

"thirsty?" he asks. "yes, we're getting slushies and i don't care that i'm freezing my ass off right now." you let out a bit sternly. yuta laughs at how adamant you are, not complaining one bit.

"how could i say no?" he says as he opens the door to the gas station, signaling for you to get inside first.

how chivalrous.

—

you both walked out, you deciding to try a new flavor. there was a bench nearby and you both sat down, opting on talking and just having fun outside together until slumber dawns upon either of you.

you looked at your slushie, observing the flavor, it wasn't something you would pick normally. the name seemed quite off, but it felt boring picking the same drink every time. well, that's what yuta said. you agreed though and let him select the flavor.

he was paying for it anyway, so what's to lose?

that's what led you to take a sip of the unfamiliar flavor, not knowing what's to come. you put your hand over your mouth in shock, and yuta turns his head to you.

"is it good?" he asks curiously, trying to figure out your expression.

you removed your hand from your mouth and swallowed the sip. "it's disgusting, try it." you say, as you pass the drink to him.

how bad could a slushie be? they would know if the flavors are bad, yuta thinks, not expecting much from it. he takes a sip and is met with an awful transaction between the liquid and his tastebuds.

he throws away the drink casually before you could protest. you felt a bit bad since he paid for it, but his next words cracked you up.

"i owe you money for making you try that flavor." he jokes. you let out a giggle in response.

everything worked out in the end though, as you and yuta shared his drink and conversed, the moon shining brightly above.

❣︎daegalfangirl, 2021

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helahades · 3 years

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that loki fic on your wip list is 👀👀

Untitled Loki WIP

ah yes I’m so glad someone asked about this!

its a bit of angst, nostalgia.. basically the whole thing is made up of longing.

ive written some more here to give you a bit more of a taste, just brainstorming.

—

Summary: On the Eve of the birth of Asgard’s heir, Thor is away. In a bath of flowers and magic to ease your pain, maidens worry over you, and Loki rescues you away, letting you rest in bed, and dreaming of the days when you were his lover instead.

“I’d like to rest…in my bed now, please.”

They look to each other. It hasn’t been long enough for the herbs to take effect.

“My Queen,” the eldest starts—

“She is certainly your queen,” a silky silver timbre interrupts, “I’ve learned it’s best to mind her.”

His eyes fall to your form, and some blocked conflict—some guarded affection rests there. Some longing tucked in a pocket like an impossible secret.

—

reader is pregnant, very much so, and It’s the night before she’s due to give birth. thor, the father, is called to handle some issue that specially requires his fertility powers, leaving you, without him to soothe your pain.

your maidens help ease you into a bath of herbs that should help calm you and relieve pain. it helps, but emotion and exhaustion overwhelm you, and you long to rest in your bed, for the company of your darling husband. hesitant to let you leave before the herbs have taken effect, loki comes in commanding smoothly to the rescue just as you think you could cry.

It takes only a few words of appreciative dismissal, and the room is cleared. his face softens as his gaze falls to you.

his strength is surprising when he offers help to stand, then practically lifts you out of the tub, looking away, as a gentleman should, holding a towel up for you, letting you dry off before wrapping your light robe around you.

“radiant, always,” he speaks softly into your hairline before lowering a hand to rub your aching back.

as he helps you make the short trip across the hall and into bed, your muscles and creaking bones are suddenly relieved of the weight that had pressed upon them, and your entire body is washed in a cool wave.

it reminds you of late nights fleeing the castle. young, unafraid, and untamed, you’d both escape the royal village and escape to the borders, splashing in the warm sea until the current went cold. it never affected loki then, which you understand in hindsight.

he’d pull you from the water, the both of you giggling all the time. he would kiss your temple, swaddle you in warmth that he’d brought along, and tell you that one day he would name this beach for you. one day he’d give you the whole realm, and bring you to the finest beaches across endless span of the sky.

curling into him under the stars, you were both smart enough to return with time to kiss goodnight in empty halls and manage a few hours of sleep before dawn.

looking at him now as he lies you down in a huge empty bed, he seems to have to stop himself from lowering to kiss your temple, as he would then.

“there’s no need to worry over me, now. thank you, my love,”

Your eyes flutter as you say that, and he knows you didn’t catch the sweet name that escaped your lips, formerly his, now reserved for and underestimated by his brother. Thor will never know the longing for this tenderness, because he has never lost it.

“Im sorry,” you start to whimper on the end of a deep exhale, a storm of feeling brewing as you catch the pain in his eyes.

When it became evident that Thor would be the one to succeed their father, plans changed. The heir of Asgard had to be the one to marry, and as the Princess of a people that needed security. Your love came second. Though you eventually learned to love Thor, Loki was your truest.

Blinking slow, you sniffle, reaching for his hand, that is gladly supplied as those crystal clear eyes fill with emotion, despite his best efforts.

“I wish... well... I’m not sure quite what. I love him. But for you there will always be something tender... I just—

He is quick to quiet you.

“Don’t worry about this tonight, darling. Focus on your health only, on your breath, on your angel soon to come. Your well-being is my greatest and only concern.”

there’s so much to say. He reaches to cradle your face In his hands.

He leans face close. The room is still, and his lips hover just a breath away. He kisses your forehead instead.

Theres so much to say. And none that either of you could promise would come to pass.

So he pulls the stool at your vanity to the bedside.

“I shall stay at your side until my brother returns.”

Reaching again for his hand, you don’t have the words to say you wish it’d be forever.

#loki #loki x reader #loki x black!reader #loki angst #loki x reader angst #loki x black!reader angst

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leejihoonownsmyheart · 3 years

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The Warehouse

Can I request like maybe a Halloweeny smut (??) with Wonwoo in like an abandoned factory (like the gose ep with the ghosts) or escape room but reader is not a fan of scary stories and terrified of clowns but she accepts the adventure anyways because detective!mode Wonwoo is such a turn onnnn thank you so much and please if you decide to write something like this don't feel pressured to post around Halloween 🎃 I always enjoy reading your stories! Thank you for your time and hard work! 😽

AN: Sorry this took me so long to write! I tried to get it done by Halloween and failed to do so :/ but I hope you still find it enjoyable!

Warnings for: Sex, sex in a public abandoned warehouse, mentions of clowns and dolls, being a slightly terror fic, also no condoms, and creampies.

“So... We have to stay here all night?”

“If we want to prove that this place isn’t haunted, that’s what we have to do.”

“And... We’re sure it’s not haunted... Right?”

Wonwoo didn’t respond to you as he thumbed through the contents of his bag, seeming to go back through his mental list of things you two would need for the night. You watched him for a few moments in silence, but eventually your anxiety was making you just a tad too distracted. You sighed and looked down to your feet, kicking up the dirt beneath them.

Finally Wonwoo let out a content sound and resecured his bag over his shoulder.

“A place can’t be haunted if ghosts aren’t real,” Wonwoo said assuredly. He looked over at you and hummed thoughtfully. “You don’t look so sure however. Don’t tell me you’re scared.”

When Kwon Soonyoung had come to Wonwoo about an abandoned factory he wanted to repurpose, Wonwoo said yes to the job of proving it wasn’t haunted before Soonyoung had even finished what he was saying.

You weren’t sure why Wonwoo was always eager for the overnight jobs- always trying to stay up late in strange places that people swore up and down held cold spots and scary creatures. It certainly wasn’t those projects of his that you looked forward to. Personally, you were a very easily frightened person.

Just someone closing a book too loud in the library could make you shriek in surprise. So, normally, when it came to Wonwoo’s spookier adventures you tended to busy yourself playing video games safely indoors with Kim Mingyu.

But recently with Halloween being just around the corner, Wonwoo was busy with debunking so many places that he didn’t really have the time for you. It wasn’t anything he had said or done but... You knew that if you wanted to actually spend some time with Wonwoo you would have to suck it up and go on this one trip with him.

So you packed up for a overnight trip and begged him to let you come watch him work. It took a little bit of persuading, but he decided that he would let it slide if you assured him you would be okay.

“So... I just know that I’m going to regret asking this but... What exactly is supposed to be the problem with this place anyways?” You asked Wonwoo. He glanced back at you, his eyebrows high in surprise at the question.

“Oh you don’t know?”

He turned his attention back to the camera and hummed.

“Story has it that this used to be a factory for this really popular toy in the late 80s called Q-Tee. They had the whole management set up here. Like they oversaw the process of everything, including marketing. The toys weren’t doing great here... On account of them scaring children at night, so they decided to give the brand a mascot to help them sell better.”

“The mascot was supposed to be kind of like a Santa Claus, but the kids were scared of him too, and turned out the guy had a few screws loose. He ended up kidnapping a bunch of children- and almost killed them all. But before he could cops busted in. He didn’t want to go to jail so he got a gun and shot himself and now supposedly he haunts the place, still trying to get people to buy the toy.”

Wonwoo shrugged.

“Honestly, it’s not creative, but I guess it’s enough to freak out people who want to buy the place.”

You shifted uncomfortably but tried your best not to worry too much. Out of all the things that you were scared of ghosts certainly weren’t the worst thing that could be haunting this place.

“What was the toy anyways?” You asked him lightly, trying to make yourself sound brave.”

He once again shrugged.

“Clowns would you believe it.” Your heart stopped. If there was one thing that you absolutely could not handle it was a ghost clown. A clown doll- scary but can be destroyed. A clown itself- simply avoidable despite those terrifying painted eyes. But a clown ghost? Unavoidable. Avenging and- probably your number one biggest nightmare.

You grabbed on to Wonwoo’s wrist, holding him a little tighter as he switched on the camera.

“But don’t you worry,” Wonwoo continued, clearly not noticing your sudden change in attitude. “We’re here to prove that the ghosts here aren’t real. And no one has been to this factory in years. So, this job will be a piece of cake.”

Hours passed and nothing.

The room got darker, the clock kept ticking, Wonwoo turned another page in his book.

You sighed. You couldn’t believe that on top of being in a place right out of your nightmares you were bored. And desperate for something to do.

You got to your feet and began to look around on some of the shelves in the room that you were in. You could see something small in the back corner of one of them, so you reached forward for it curiously. You wrapped your fingers softly around it, and turned it around.

The item itself was soft in your hand, and had on a purple and silver diamond outfit. It was covered slightly in dust, but that wasn’t what bothered you. The pattern gave you a bad pinch of nostalgia, that made you hesitantly drag your eyes up to the face of the doll.

You screamed and threw the doll back towards the shelf when you saw the painted face of a clown.

It was hideous, with large white diamonds making its eyes look even bigger, a bright red nose, and dark skin that made the chipping white paint even more off putting. You raced back over to Wonwoo, burying your face into his chest

“I saw one,” you screeched.

Wonwoo laughed and peeled you off of him.

“It was just a doll,” he said lightly, patting your head in- frankly- an awful attempt to calm you down. “Don’t tell me you were scared of a doll?”

“It was not a doll it was a clown doll,” you stated back pointedly. “And I’m not scared of dolls... Well not that doll, I’m just... Scared of clowns.”

Wonwoo laughed softly at you, his fingers taking you by your shoulders carefully.

“There aren’t any clowns here,” he assured you softly. “And there haven’t been for many many years.”

The look in his eyes made you want to believe that what he was saying was true. You felt yourself ease down a little, your fingers lightly brushing against his.

“You promise?” You asked. He nodded.

“I promise.” He assured. “In fact... I’m so confident that you will be fine, that why don’t we do a little something to pass the time hm?”

At first you completely missed the implication in Wonwoo’s voice. Assuming that he was talking about maybe reading a book together or playing a round of Among Us on his phone. But instead of that you suddenly felt a cool hand slip under your shirt. You wiggled under the touch.

“You want to do that...” You looked around the warehouse nervously. “Here?”

Wonwoo hummed, his other hand chilling the skin beneath it as he rested it against your stomach.

“Why not? There’s no one around?” Wonwoo’s voice was comforting despite the location and honestly, where your heart should be racing due to environment, your heart was racing because Wonwoo’s hands on you were completely intoxicating.

You let out a long whine.

“We still shouldn’t do it,” you whispered quietly. Wonwoo gave you a smile.

“Oh, and is that a no?” He asked softly as he lifted you up, placing you gingerly on the table. You wrapped your legs around his torso and rolled your hips against him.

“I guess I’m not really one to say no to sex with you,” you said with a grin.

Wonwoo smiled back at that, his fingers digging into your hips.

“Hm, then I guess here is the perfect place to do it.” Wonwoo dipped his head down at that, his lips brushing against the nape of your neck. You whined softly and tilted your chin upwards so that he had better access to you as he began to kiss at the warm skin there, his teeth nipping at you every once in a while.

With each little touch a shock ran through your body, sending heat right down to your core.

You whined and wrapped your arms tightly around Wonwoo’s body. Your eyes started to drift down his body, trailing over first his broad shoulders, down his chest. As you were looking at him Wonwoo smiled and took the bottom edge of his shirt, pulling it over his shirt and tossing it over onto the floor. You groaned at that, throwing your head back.

“Wonwoo we just washed that shirt,” you whined. Wonwoo just grinned at you as he discarded the rest of his clothes.

“We can wash it again.”

He leaned forward and began to kiss your neck again, effectively shutting you up. You whined and squirmed under him, but he soon grew tired of your movement and placed his hands on your hips as he kissed you to still you. You were pretty happy with just letting Wonwoo explore your body with his lips, each kiss sending a small shiver through your body- but after a while you got eager for more...

You wriggled a little under his grip again until he loosened his hands and then you brought your hand down blindly until your fingers had wrapped around his thick member. You smiled and began to slowly struck it, feeling pleasantly surprised by how turned on Wonwoo clearly was by the little moans leaving his lips with every twist of your wrist.

“Hmm, how does that feel?” You teased lightly. Wonwoo didn’t respond, instead he grunted and in one swift motion, pulled your button-up open, and threw your pants and underwear to the side.

You whined as cold air hit your body, and you wrapped your legs around Wonwoo’s waist to try and warm up. Wonwoo chuckled.

“How does that feel?” He parroted back to you. You tried to send him a glare for the reaction but before it could really hit it’s mark, you felt a finger slide into you.

Wonwoo’s fingers were cold and big and yo felt your whole body jolt a little bit when yo felt his digit slide knuckle deep into you and then curl at the end.

“I can’t believe I’m going to let you-” The finger slid out of your body before you could finish speaking about it made you whine lowly, your thighs quivering. Wonwoo didn’t think twice before slowly beginning to ease his finger in and out of you, watching in amazement as your pussy took his digit.

He made quick work, working one- two- three fingers into your pussy, until his fingers were a dripping mess and you were literally begging for his cock.

“Fine, fine, but next time be a little more patient.”

Wonwoo slid his cock deep inside of you, and at first he just sat there- HIs cock throbbing inside your dripping pussy while his chest heaved up and down with breath after breath.

And then, finally he began to slowly slide out. You groaned in pleasure, your fingers curling into his back at the friction the action caused- Only to yelp when Wonwoo suddenly pushed himself hard back into you.

He sat there again for a few moments, just listening to your whine’s and half-hearted pleas for him to continue, before slowly sliding out again and pushing himself back in.

If nothing else, Wonwoo was a bit of a sadist in that way when he fucked you. He liked to find his own pace and fuck you at it no matter how you felt about the pace. If he found pleasure in the sounds you made while he was fucking you- that was all that mattered.

And he always found pleasure in the sounds you made when he was fucking you.

Every thrust made your toes curl, and made you want to cry out as complete and utter pleasure washed over you.

You could feel yourself approaching an orgasm, and Wonwoo seemed to notice too. He opened his mouth- surely to comment on it when suddenly his eyebrows furrowed. He began to quicken his pace fucking you- he was getting closer to an orgasm as well- but he kept glancing up.

“What?” You asked. “What’s wrong?” “It’s nothing...”

His eyes flickered upwards again.

“Wonwoo-” “I just... I could have sworn I saw something.”

You twisted your body around to see, but the movement just made Wonwoo’s’ cock slam right into the spot that made you moan even louder. Your eyes slammed shut and you wrapped your arms tightly around Wonwoo’s neck.

“Wooo-”

“Oh I know what I see now,” Wonwoo said, a hitch of horror in his voice as he spoke. You looked back up at him, eyes wide in fear.

“What? What do you see?”

“A ghost,” Wonwoo responded, his voice barely above a whisper. Then, without warning his hands jumped to your sides, making your whole body lurch. You screamed and as you did, you felt yourself beginning to cum.

Wonwoo felt it too as he pinned you down by your stomach and fucked you hard through your orgasm, unloading his cum into you with a loud moan of his own. Once he had finally collapsed on top of you, you grunted and shoved him over.

“You... You fucking sadist.” Wonwoo bit out a laugh.

“Come on,” he insisted. “It was fun wasn’t it?”

You didn’t tell him it was.

“We are never doing this again.” But it was kind of fun.

And you two did do it again.

#Wonwoo Fanfiction #Wonwoo Smt #Seventeen Smut #Kpop Smut

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theresa-of-liechtenstein · 3 years

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@lavstar i was so incredibly stupid and i deleted your ask while i was drafting it… i swear i didn’t forget to do it 😭 anyway i’ve FINALLY finished it so let’s jump into the compilation of the most planes i have ever brainrot ❤️ because no ❤️ you cannot expect me to pick one ❤️ it is impossible ❤️

two airbus A320s taking off from parallel runways, five nautical miles apart ‘cause they’re not gay!

btw i genuinely do not care about military aircraft (never have, prob never will) so these are all to do with civil aviation. also huge disclaimer i did all the commentary off the top of my head (i did have to wikipedia some of the stats im not martin fucking crieff) so if i mess up a term or something that’s on me

of course no post about my favorite planes cannot leave out the OG. my first love, the most plane i have ever ridden; the one, the only, the increasingly irrelevant due to industry shifts, the beloved Airbus A380.

(L) just look at this big beautiful girl! + (R) a view of i believe scotland? as approached from the north

i don’t know why i love this plane so much, because lots of other people certainly don’t for a lot of reasons. her size makes her the main character out of necessity at every airport she comes across, and she’s an inconvenience for air traffic controllers for that reason. her origin story is [twitter stan account voice] a bit problematic. given changes in industry trends, she is also quickly becoming irrelevant. airbus my beloved please just admit that the four engines thing was nostalgia and go. she’s a marvel of engineering sure, but when all is said and done…the B747 came, she served cunt, and then she got phased out. the A380 was made with the intention of doing the same…unfortunately, she didn’t really complete the second step.

wait holy shit. i know why i love this plane so much. it’s because this plane…is me ❤️

—

and now for thee og in terms of famous big-ass planes that everyone loves: the B747. everyone loves the 747. even if they say they’re not into planes, they are. for me, not gonna lie: a very big reason for why i love the Queen of the Skies so much is mark vanhoenacker’s book, skyfaring. he flew the 747 for bri’ish airways (when they still had them) and loved that plane so much and man who am i to blame him.

(L) i think i teared up when i saw her through the big windows for the first time bc i was like oh my god. i am going to be on her. this icon of aviation, the arguable symbol of commercial aviation. so much history, so much significance… + (R) the past, the present, and the future of british airways in one image 🥺

i was on a 747 twice in my life. once on a cathay pacific flight to the philippines, and on my last flight abroad, on a british airways flight to heathrow. little did i know i was flying one of the last of their 747 flights—they phased them out completely the following year, a bit earlier than anticipated due to the pandemic.

as enzo ferrari once probably said, “ask a child to draw a plane, and certainly he will put a hump and four engines on it.” in terms of sheer iconic power and energy, the Queen (and she is the only earthly being to whom I shall ever refer as such) would far and away be the top on anyone’s list, save for the fact that i don’t have a top to this list and i have other planes to get to dear god this is getting long do you know what you’ve got yourself into!! the Queen really said “flight belongs to the people now” and the airlines just had to shut up and listen!! she is truly the main character!!!

genuinely don’t remember what river this is except that it’s in the UK… 🙈

i feel like everything else i say about her is just going to be a pale imitation of how evocative skyfaring was, so honestly i really recommend the book it’s so good and it’s one of my favorites. my copy is sort of falling apart now bc i kept bringing it around to places 😭 anyway, the number of airlines using her for passengers is decreasing, but you know who still use converted versions of her as well as purpose-built models? cargo airlines! anyway, ups and their brown planes my beloved 🤎

—

this slot was going to go to the B767 and 757, and i was going to rhapsodize about how aesthetically the 767 looks like a nicer plane to me because of Chonk, but the 757 is really endearing because it’s a narrowbody jet and it’s got landing gear that is long in a useful but unusual-looking way, which in essence what i’m trying to say is that if the 757 were a person, it would be esteban ocon.

so i was getting ready to write all of this down in much more words than i needed, but i remembered suddenly the very reason i was making this post in the first place. and that, my friends, is the B777.

honestly you don’t fully understand how big the 777 is until you see it in person. because we are all acclimated to think of like the 747 when we think of ‘big plane.’ but the 777 is massive. even i forgot about it when i wrote That Fanfic.

the 777 and 787 are the future of long-haul commercial aviation (and i say this as an A380 stannie). widebody jets with 2 big-ass engines are most likely what we’re going to see in the sky going forward when it comes to long-distance travel, and the pandemic pretty much confirmed that.

that aside, i love the 777. so much that i wrote a whole fanfic around one making an emergency landing ❤️ i really pretended ETOPS (the thing where a plane can fly for a long time on one engine) did not exist for six chapters and an alternate ending and i think that’s just very quirky of me aha 🤪

dear god do not mind my hat i literally bought it because of fred fucking thursday of endeavour… what the FUCK was teenage me on 😭

the 777 was supposed to be a trijet (one with three engines, two under each wing and one built into the vertical stabilizer) but as the mcdonnell douglas and lockheed martin trijets (cba to look up the numbers) were not projected to continue to be successful, they got rid of the trijet 777 idea and instead made it have two engines. another thing i think is neat is that all the examples of the 777 that you will see in the wild right now don’t have winglets bc the wings themselves are so long and raked back that they’re not necessary. which would be a weird thing for me in particular to find neat, because if you know me well you know i have a thing for winglets. (the 2022 f1 car’s front wing my BELOVED WAKSKDKSJSJ!!!!!) i also think the way the wingtip lights are incorporated into the wings are so neat. the upgraded version they’re trying to make now, the 777X, will have foldy wingtips so you can DIY your own winglets and i think that’s hilarious (and also cool).

—

genuinely i think i’m the only plane person that likes this last aircraft: the Embraer ERJ-175. i like her for purely nostalgic reasons. she reminds me of how i returned to my roots and decided to pursue engineering.

so okay this is going to have nothing to do with the plane, but i was lucky enough to be given a visit to the flightdeck after landing back home from a weekend trip. i was so excited to be allowed to sit in the first officer’s seat, and got to poke around the flightdeck for like ten minutes. which was cool, but all this was with the sinking realization that even operating a regional jet might be too physically demanding (read: unsafe) for someone of my… [exhales knowing EXACTLY what i’m about to walk into] height.

that is one fully glass cockpit. also those yokes are specific to embraer, boeing’s look more like f1 steering wheels with stuff cut out of them i think, and airbus’s are operated by side stick. it’s almost funny especially when watching flightdeck videos of the a380 cause it’s like… you’re doing All That *gestures vaguely at plane* with THAT *gestures at thing that looks like a chicken drumstick with semiconductors implanted in it*

so that was piloting as a career done with for me (much to my family’s relief.) and then i thought “hm i don’t have to be flying planes all the time to be working around them…why don’t i work on developing them instead?” and i was passively interested in matsci already, so that’s how and when i decided to pursue engineering, with hopes of working for airbus or boeing and in civil aviation.

we’ll see how that pans out, i say as i side-eye the exponential growth of my interest in motorsport.

thanks for the ask! i’m so sorry i was stupid and deleted it but i hope you like this very long, drawn out, and frankly deranged response 💚

#em speaks #lavstar #this is half me showing off my plane pictures half deranged rant i hope you enjoy

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spideyanakin · 3 years

Text

Dead Poets Society (Chapter 2)

Tom Holland x Reader

Synopsis - 1959, your grandfather being the headmaster of Welton Academy - an all boys Boarding School, wanted you close to him after your parents death. Forcing you to join beyond any rules to be a student there. Despite strict rules you still fell in love with one. But Tom seems to be loosing the will to live when his strict family forces their wishes on him. Can one amazing teacher change your lives forever?

Series Masterlist 🍓

Normal Masterlist 🧚🏼‍♀️

Chapter 2 - Carpe Diem

September 15

The year wasn’t so boring after all.

“What do you mean you went to see her at her school?” You stopped Sam as he darted from Tom’s room to his.

“An angel.” He grinned as he planted himself in front of you with a dreamy look in his eyes. “Love of my life.” He mumbled making you smile.

“Well, what did she say?” You bounced on your heels in anticipation.

“I don’t know.” He looked away and then back to you. “I didn’t talk to her.”

“What do you mean you didn’t talk to her!?” you punched his chest with the back of your hand, hating the ending of his story. “Why!?”

“Her boyfriend...” He slumped his shoulder and walked back to his dorm, lightly slamming the door behind him. As if on cue your own boyfriend arrived in a fury running in the hallway like a mad man.

“I found what I truly want to do!” He looked into your eyes before shoving a piece of paper into your hands.

“A Midsummer night's dream?” You raised an eyebrow as you watched him jump up and down on his bed. You shared a concerning look with Harrison. “What does it have to do with you?” You fought back a smile.

“They’re putting it on a Kingston Hall.” He replied/scream earning raised eyebrows. “Open Tryouts! OPEN TRYOUTS!” He shouted turning to you and moving his hands towards you like he wanted to just grab your face and kiss you but couldn’t. He huffed in frustration and made a full circle.

“I’m going to act!” He smiled with a dreamy look in his eyes. “YES! YES! I’m gonna be an actor!” You watched your boyfriend as his eyes filled with sparks. “I wanted to try this forever but my father wouldn’t let me!”

“Yeah, I remember when you wanted to try for the summer play last year.” You smiled in admiration, leaning on his doorway.

He looked at you like the world couldn’t get any better “For the first time in my whole life, I know what I wanna do. AND IM GOING TO DO IT! CAARRPEE DIEEEEEAM!” He screamed with a chuckle.

“Tom, hold on. What if your father finds out?” Harrison broke in.

“To hell with him!” You giggled, happy to see Tom happy.

“Yes.” He turned to you and huffed a laugh. “He won’t. First I need to get the part and then I can worry about him finding out.” He looked at you and smiled again. “If I don’t ask him, at least I won’t be disobeying him.”

“I’m happy for you.” you reached for him and squeezed his shoulder, the contact being short but sending shivers down both your bodies.

“No touching!” Harrison joked imitating your grandfather’s voice. You scrunched up your nose.

“Ew. Don’t do that again, Haz.”

September 28

“When are you getting the audition results?” You asked Tom as Sam took Harry's place in the middle of the circle.

“Next week.” He whispered back.

“My actor.” You ruffled his hair before pressing a kiss to his lips.

Sam cleared his throat when the kiss wouldn't stop. You both blushed with a light chuckle, resting your head on his shoulder to look at Sam who was ready to say his poem.

“Now" He stretched his arms and cracked his knuckles. "In honor of my love for Chris.”

"Who I still haven't met by the way?" You raised an eyebrow. "I need to check if she's worthy of you."

"You'll meet her soon enough." He chuckled. "Anyways, I have prepared a poem.”

“Like the one you wrote for class?” Harry grinned.

“No.” Sam deadpanned before clearing his throat again, straightening himself, and opening the book of verse. “This one is from Romeo and Juliet.” He gave Harry a death glare.

“Well, c’mon do your poem.” You grinned, Tom wrapping his hand a little tighter around your waist.

“But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Chris is the sun.” Everyone laughed at the name change, the vibration of Tom’s laughter making your heart skip a beat. “Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief, That thou her maid art far more fair than she:”

You thought for a second as you heard Sam’s words. You lifted your stare to look at Tom. You couldn’t help but stare at him as the words of love escaped your friend's mouth. You loved Tom more than anything in the whole wide world, and nothing could alter that.

Right here, at that moment, you knew he was the one you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. The one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

“Wait a minute.” Harry broke Sam’s speech as he watched you look at Tom with a love-struck expression. “Didn’t Romeo and Juliet get married like the second they met?” His lips broke into a grin.

“Yeah. They fell in love and got married right away. Why?” you replied.

“You two should get married.”

“What?” Both you and Tom turned your full attention to Harry who couldn’t stop smiling at the idea.

“It would be just the poets. There’s a village far enough they won’t know who we are, but close enough we can go by bike right now and come back before curfew. It's Saturday who cares if we leave campus? They have this beautiful little chapel. You guys should do it! Carpe Diem right?”

You blinked as his words soaked it.

“Make this Romeo and Juliet but without the death! Write your own story! Seize the goddamn day! Carpe Diem for Christ sakes” He continued. “The two of you love each other so much you would get married someday anyway!” You cheeks flushed at that comment. “Why not do it now!?” He aggressively banged his hands together to make his point.

You turned to look at Tom, he met your eyes for a slight second before turning towards Sam. “Give me the book.” He waved his hand and Sam handed it to him.

“What’s your favorite poem again? Some with the sea?” You didn’t understand what he was doing but you replied anyway.

“Yeah, Out of the rolling ocean the crow by Whitman. Why?” You looked at him while he flipped through the pages. “I think it’s page 289.”

Tom took your word and went to page 289 - indeed seeing the poem.

“Does anyone have a quill?” Everyone’s stare was glued to Tom who looked in a hurry. Harrison handed him his and Tom scribbled something on the neighboring page before ripping out the one with your poem on it.

“Tom, what the heck?” Instead of answering you, he stood up and walked to the other corner of the cave turning his back to everyone.

“Sam, will you help me with this?” Sam awkwardly nodded before trotting towards Tom.

Harry took the book from the floor and read what was scribbled. ‘Sorry if this page is missing, I needed something to propose the love of my life with.’ Harry shook his head and smiled.

“You son of a bitch” He chuckled and you looked at Harry in confusion. Before you could even grab the book and read it for yourself Tom turned around and stared down at you.

“Stand up.” He asked and you followed orders, dusting some dirt off your pants when you did. You looked at him up and down and noticed he was hiding the paper behind his back. “Y/n?” His soft tone echoed through the cave. All the boys stayed silent as they carefully listened.

“Yeah?” He took one of your hands in his free one, still locking eyes with you. He slowly got down on one knee and that’s when you realized what he was doing. The page was folded into a ring.

He looked up to you with hope-filled eyes and started speaking again.

“To the one who took my heart,

I have loved you ever since I saw you,

as my love for you is as boundless as is It true.

Heaven is where you and I kiss each other,

So will you marry me?

And if you do agree,

I will be yours forever,

Dead Poet’s Honor.”

He squeezed your hand as he waited for your answer.

You took a second to really look at him. Taking in the sight of the love of your life. He looked gorgeous in the light of the moon. His messy hair and brown eyes sparkling. You thought about how literally 2 minutes ago you thought about the answer to that question and a huge smile painted your lips. You nodded as happy tears started coming to your eyes.

“Yes.” You blurt out jumping into his arms. “Yes, yes, yes, yes.” You cried as you attacked him with kisses. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you did, taking in every second of happiness that this moment was bringing him.

“I love you so much.” He smiled before you crashed your lips to his again, smiling into the kiss.

He suddenly pulled away and grabbed your left hand, placing the poem ring on your finger. The whole cave echoed in claps and cheers worst than the time you had told Tom you loved him back, and the whole group started patting your backs.

Harry looked at his watch. "C'mon guys let's go!" He yawped with joy.

Tom locked your lips with his before picking you up bridal style. The cave still rang with chants and claps, and they didn't die out as you made your way back towards the campus.

He dropped you once you were back, and you all sprinted towards your bikes.

You all took random ones, Paddy almost tripping on one as the hurry got to him. You all started heading towards the road until an idea popped into your mind.

"Wait." you were almost out of the school's territory before you dropped your bike and sprinted towards the headmaster's house that was just near the perimeter.

They all watched you as you disappeared in between the trees, getting a glimpse of you when you climbed your window and stepped into your room.

You caught your breath before walking towards your closet, grabbing a chair on the way. You couldn’t remove the smile off your lips as you climbed on it and pushed out of the top shelf the huge Louis Vuitton Malle where all your mother's best belongings had been stored.

You opened it, taking in your mother's scent. It brought a sudden wave of nostalgia towards you as you sat on the floor and removed old photos that rested on top. You laid them on the floor of your room as you searched for the piece of clothing you wanted. You smiled when you saw the picture of your parents’ wedding that sat on a beautiful soft silk fabric.

You removed the picture, smiling when you saw it. The smile on your mother’s and father's face brought a feeling of pure happiness inside you. A sudden thought passed through you - you were going to get to live that happiness right now, with Tom.

That’s when you realized. Pictures. You at least needed someone to take pictures.

You jumped up and walked back towards your closet, fumbling with a few things before finally getting your hands on a camera. You dusted the lens and tried a picture, smiling when it got out in perfect condition. You got all your recharges and put them in your duffle bag along with the camera itself.

You walked back to the suitcase. Removed a few pouches, opening them to reveal the most beautiful pieces of jewelry. You’d just have to pick your favorite.

Finally, your hand landed on what you wanted.

The silky dress that was under the wedding picture. Your mother’s wedding dress. It was a simple dress but it was still the most beautiful one you had seen. You unfolded it and admired the hand-sewn details.

You didn't care if it fitted, but you packed it. You played around with all your jewelry collection until you made the perfect match. A necklace, pearl earrings, a beautiful shiny bracelet, and pretty hair clips. You even grabbed a bracelet that use to be your father’s for Tom.

You placed everything back in the Malle, and that’s when you realized there was something glued to the back of the wedding picture.

A transparent bag with two wedding rings. You didn’t think twice before taking them.

Your heart pounded with anticipation, a shiver of excitement passing through you when you jumped with the duffle bag on your shoulder, landing on the soft grass and running back towards the waiting boys.

“What's that future Mrs. Holland?” Tom wondered when he saw the bag over your shoulder, stealing you a kiss before you mounted your bike again.

"Something - A surprise." He liked the sparkle in your eyes when you said it.

"And where's Harry?"

"He left too - said he needed to grab something."

“I can’t believe the two of you are getting married” Harrison grinned. "What would his parents and your grandpa said if they knew?” He let out a chuckle of disbelief.

“They won't” You bit your lip fighting back a smile. “We’ll make sure of that.” You nodded and looked left to see Tom staring back.

"I'm here!" Harry screamed sprinting towards you with his bag going up and down.

"What's this?" Paddy raised an eyebrow.

"You'll see."

An hour later and you all parked your bikes behind a beautiful little white stone Chapelle. You smiled, gripping the handle of your bag a little tighter.

“Wait, before we go in!” You zipped your bag open and fished out your camera. Waving it towards the boys.

“You’re a genius.” Harry’s face lit up.

“I brought enough recharges to make at least 60 photos.” You grinned as you showed them some picture paper packets.

Harry took the camera from you. “C’mon guys.” He waved for you to come into a group, Tom didn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around your waist as you did. Harry clicked a few selfie-like pictures, one with you and Tom kissing as they all made disgusted faces, another one where you all did funny faces, and a more serious one with a few smiles.

You took a second to look at the Chapelle. It was a beautiful place. It was very small like it could host a max of 20 people and the outside walls were full of flowers and leaves that had climbed all the way up the roof.

“Shall we?” You wondered, sharing a smile with Tom that made your cheeks warm up. You walked inside, and the calmness of the place brought a certain feeling of peace inside, easing all your nerves at once.

A priest was standing at the other end, fumbling with something.

“How can I help you?” He wondered when he lifted his head to see a group of 6 teens staring at him.

“Yes.” You took a step forward. “We’d like to have a wedding. Right now if it’s possible.”

“A wedding?” He looked at you for a second, his stare shifting to yours and Tom's intertwined hands “I assume it’s the two of you?” You nodded.

“Aren’t you a little too young?” He wondered at loud and quickly realized with the look in everyone's eyes that there was no arguing. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes.” You squeezed Tom’s hand.

“Alright.” He shrugged and turned to his altar. “Do you guys at least have better clothes? Or will you get married in those school uniforms?” He wondered with a chuckle.

"I do." You unshoulder your bag.

"And I got this for you." Harry gave his bag to Tom. "I couldn't let you get married in these ugly, lives threatening clothes now could I?"

“Harry?” You opened the back door of the chappel only to reveal your head.

Tom was changing behind a screen and the priest was starting some preparations around the altar.

There was no one but trees for kilometers away, so you weren't scared to get changed outside.

“Yeah?” He wondered as he met your eyes

“Could you come here for a second?” you asked and Harry looked around, confusion written all over his eyes. When you didn’t get a response you continued. “I promise I’m decent.” You chuckled. “I just need to ask you something.”

Harry shuffled with his Welton tie as he trotted towards you. You opened the door, staying behind it until you closed it. He moved his head up to see you - freezing when he took in your appearance.

You had untied and brushed your hair, it fell perfectly around your face, making you look like a goddess. You were personally surprised the dress fitted so well. It hugged every part of your body perfectly. The skirt was loose but the top part hugged your stomach and chest. The short sleeves fitted perfectly and the way it looked on you made you smile. It was meant to be.

Harry continued scanning your beautiful figure as the jewels perfectly reflected on your skin. He had never seen you like this - he felt his jaw drop.

“First, will you help with the buttons?” You wondered as you turned around taking your hair in your hands, making sure it wouldn’t get in the way. Harry nodded, feeling every word stuck in the back of his throat. You chuckled at his silence.

“You- you look beautiful.” He mumbled when you turned around.

“Thank you. Now I have something to ask you.” You looked into his eyes, a pause falling as he waited for your question. “Will you give me away?”

“Oh wow." His eyes lit up when he realized what you were asking. "I would love to!”

“Thank you.” You brought him into a tight hug. “This means a lot.” You let out a wobbly sigh into his arms.

“Don’t worry it’s normal.” He smiled awkwardly patting your shoulder. “You’re my best friend Y/n/n - I’m not going to let you walk down the aisle alone.” He scoffed like it would be an insult to let you do that.

“Also.” You pulled away from the hug and got something from your bag. “I found this in my mother's things. If you could give it to the priest.” Harry’s face lit up when he saw the rings.

“I knew we were missing something” He clicked his tongue with a smirk. “This is going to be amazing.” He shook his head.

“Tell me about it.”

“Nervous?” Harry wondered as you blew an agitated breath, holding on tight to a small bouquet of wildflowers.

“A little.” You smiled. “Excited nervous.” You looked at the Chapelle doors.

You were all ready and Tom was on the other end of the aisle, waiting for you - with all the boys sitting on the edge of their seats in the front row.

Sam had the camera lens locked on Tom’s face eagerly waiting to capture his face when you entered.

“Alright.” You smiled and Harry folded his arm so you could hold it. “Let’s do this.”

The air got sucked out of your lungs right there. You looked down the aisle to meet Tom’s eyes. He did indeed clean himself up as Harry asked.

He looked beautiful, in a suit you had probably never seen him wear before. His hair might have still been ruffled from the bike ride but that didn’t make him look any less godly. Candles reflected in his eyes making them look like pretty pools of honey.

You could just stare at him all day - and it took everything in you to remember how to walk.

Tom could say the same thing. All the sudden he forgot how to breathe. He had never seen you in a dress before and you looked like the way people say Aphrodite look like.

All the boys were starstruck by you - envying Tom but without an ounce of jealousy in them.

Harry gave you a quick kiss on the cheek as you let go of his arm. You stepped up and met Tom’s eyes from close. You could bet he was on the edge of tearing up - and so were you.

You reached for Tom’s hand you felt sparks fly when they met. As if it was the very first time you had ever held him. His skin felt warm on yours and you never wanted to let go.

The priests said a bunch of random words but you were too focused on looking at Tom to hear them - so was Tom. He couldn’t stop staring and you and both of you blushed under each other's glances.

“Does anybody oppose?” Sam stood up and you and Tom’s heart went at lightning speed. All the boys looked at him like he was a mad man.

He cleared his throat. “I don’t actually oppose.” He gave a sheepish smile when he saw the weird look everyone was giving him. Everyone blew a thankful breath.

“I just- I wanted to say that I’ve never seen any two people who love each other the way these two do, Dead Poets Honor.” He put a hand over his heart “Even my parents don’t have the same look in their eyes. I love you both of you so much and I'm so happy you found each other. And I hope that someday Chris will look at me the way you look at Tom.” You puffed out a teary chuckle.

You wiped your eyes at his words and so did Harry and Paddy who nodded along - emotions catching up with everyone. You mumbled a thank you before bringing your stare back to your fiance.

“Well, thank you for that gentlemen. Now,” He turned his stare back to you and your husband to be. “Tom Holland, do you take-”

“Yes.” Everyone chuckled.

“Sorry.” He grinned when the priest looked at him with playful anger.

“I’ll repeat.” He cleared his throat. “Tom Holland, do you take Y/n-”

“Yes.” Everyone giggled at Tom.

“Will you please let me finish?” This time he seemed almost angry and Tom looked at him with a cheeky smile. “Alright, I know we all know the answer to this but formalities." He shrugged. "Tom Holland, do you take Y/n L/n to be your wife?”

“Yes.” Tom took a step closer to you as he placed the ring that was once your mother's on your finger. "Dead poets honor." He smile.

“Y/n L/n” He turned to you. “Do you take Tom Holland to be your husband?”

“Yes.” You nodded fighting back a tear when you placed your father’s wedding ring on Tom’s finger. "Dead poets honor"

“Congratulations. You are now husband and wife... You may kiss the bride.” The priest smiled when he saw the way you and Tom and looked up from your hands to each other’s eyes.

Tom took a second to step closer to you, placing his hand on your cheek to wipe a falling tear. He took your appearance in and you did the same.

For a second you felt like the only two people in the world and nothing else mattered. You brought your hand to his chest as he suddenly leaned in kissing you like it was the last time your lips would ever touch.

He held your waist as the kiss deepened, and you smiled when you were brought back to earth with the numerous cheers and claps that echoed in the small Chappell. The boys cheered and sang like this place wasn’t sacred, or was suppose to stay quiet. It was the best moment of your life.

In this moment, you knew life was never going to be boring again.

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