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numba99 · 4 years

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The Intern Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

summary: You are an intern at MSG, strictly forbidden to become involved in with any of the Rangers players. However, this becomes difficult when you catch the eye of a certain player.

warnings: none, but this part is super short im sorry!!! I just thought it was better standing on it’s own rather than taxing it on to a different part and at least gives y’all some content since I've been slacking

The next day you woke up, instinctively reaching next to you on the bed. You knew Lias wasn’t going to be there; he had kissed your forehead before leaving last night thinking you had feel asleep. Still, there was an ache in your chest realizing you were alone.

You stayed in bed for a bit, avoiding having to get up to face anybody, especially Beth. You felt like she would look at you and just know what you did. As you watched the sun light slowly beginning to filter through the window of your hotel room, it dawned on you you would always feel like this. Always be carrying around this guilt, always feeling the pain of not being with him in the way you really wanted.

You couldn’t do that. As much as you liked Lias, it would just be too draining. In just the time you were awake now it felt shitty, you couldn’t imagine months of carrying around this secret. You knew you were going to have to talk to Lias, ignoring him never worked, nor was it fair.

You decided it would be best to do back in New York as you finally pulled yourself out of bed. You were glad it was an away a game, as Beth had mentioned there was less time for questions since the team had to rush for a plane. The less time you had to spend around Lias the better.

It sucked as bad as you thought it would to see him. He was playing it cool around Beth, which you appreciated, but the ways his eyes light up when he saw you stung. You knew you were going to hurt him and you hated that.

The whole situation was fucked. You understood why the rule was in place but at the same time you felt like you could keep things professional with Lias. As Beth said, you had a good head on your shoulders. You didn’t doubt that you would be able to navigate the work relationship/personal relationship in an appropriate way. For a fleeting moment you wondered if you could advocate for yourself, but shook it off when a vision of Beth telling you to pack up your office and leave entered your mind. You liked Lias, a lot, but your future was riding on this and you couldn’t risk that.

The only bright side of the day so far was the Rangers winning their game. You told yourself it would put Lias in a better mood and he’d take what you were going to tell him better, but somehow you guessed it wouldn't matter once it got to that point.

Once the plane touched down you shot Lias a text, asking for him to wait at MSG until everyone left so you could meet up and talk. Lias caught your eye, smiling and nodding. You turned away, the pit in your stomach growing heavier by the moment. You knew what you had to say, but how to say it? That was still making your head spin.

Your heart was pounding the whole ride to the Garden. As much as you were exhausted and wanted to go home, you also weren’t ready for the confrontation and every moment of traffic was delaying you from having to face it.

However, it eventually came to an end. The bus pulled in and everyone filed out, making way to the locker room to drop their things off. You said goodbye to Beth, who kicked up the guilt factor by telling you you did a fantastic job on the trip, before hiding in the bathroom until the place was empty.

Once Lias texted you that the coast was clear, you snuck out and into the locker room. At first you didn't see him, but then a warm pair of hands slid around your waist turning you around.

“Couldn’t wait to see me again?” Lias smirked, pulling you in for a kiss. You put your hands up, pushing him away.

“No Lias we can’t,” you told him, taking a couple steps back to distance yourself.

“There’s no one here I promise, I watched everyone leave,” Lias replied.

“No I mean we can’t do this,” you said, motioning between the do of you.

“I don’t?” his voice trailed off. He watched you carefully, trying to make sense of your statement.

“I just... I just can’t be with you,” you said.

“I know we have to be care and keep it all a secret. I don't mind even I-”

“No Lias,” you cut him off, “I can’t do that. It’s too much, I feel like I’m living a lie. I can’t have all this- this guilt and stress all the time.”

“So what you just used me for some sex and now you wanna cut me off?” Lias questioned, his tone much more harsh. His words cut right through you.

“Is that really what you think of me?” you replied, unable to hide the hurt in your voice.

“I don’t know what to think anymore, but it just seems like a happy coincidence that the day after we hook up this all is suddenly too much,” Lias replied.

“I’ve said this is too much from the beginning and you know that,” you snapped.

“That's not what you said the other night.”

“Don’t even fucking go there, Lias,” you shot back, “You don’t get it. This is my dream, I’ve worked my entire life for this and I am not about to throw it away for some stupid fucking boy.”

“Stupid fucking boy, huh?” his voice lost its harshness, cracking with hurt instead.

“Lias, I-”

“Forget it,” this time he cut you off, “I regret ever speaking to you. Just fucking forget everything.” He stormed off, leaving you in the empty locker room, where you never felt more alone.

#the intern #l andersson #lias andersson imagine #Lias Andersson smut #new york rangers imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagines

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felassan · 7 years

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4. Did your Inquisitor think of Solas as Fen’harel or did they continue to think of him as their companion, a friend, if he was one to them, even after discovering who he was? 5. What did they choose, stop Solas or attempt to redeem him, and what motivated their choice? Fear? Love?

cut for length. sorry, this became a wandering screed. (please note that I’m referring to my worldstate setup & some headcanons relating to that only, and examining how my Inquisitor feels about Solas, not making statements about Solas or about how anyone else or their Inquisitors should feel about Solas.)

4. so (unfortunately for me her player, lol…), what it boils down to is that she sees him as a threat. with that in mind, post-Trespasser she primarily sees him as “Fen’Harel”. not the Fen’Harel of some portions of Dalish lore per se (although her cultural background, specifically her previous religious beliefs, probably do filter in a bit even though she no longer believes in the gods as she did, I think that’s quite natural), but this Fen’Harel, the Fen’Harel she read about in the passageways and world-pockets in the Crossroads:

Fen’Harel came later. An insult I took as a badge of pride. The Dread Wolf inspired hope in my friends, and fear in my enemies. Not unlike Inquisitor, I suppose.

he was at one point a companion and even, a friend. she has not forgotten. and we are more than our titles and our ambitions. but they are in opposition now-he is an enemy now. to Gryff, even if you put aside the other stuff like the deception etc, this looks like the role he’s intent on playing and the path he’s insisting on walking down. “Fen’Harel” is the mantle he’s taken on and how he’s now presenting himself. I think she sees his regret over his actions and that he doesn’t take any joy in what he thinks he has to do. but that to her, those things and what transpired between them before, are kind of irrelevant now? that to her he made them irrelevant, by setting out to do what he’s trying to do despite them. I think she thinks she has no choice. I think she feels like it’s her job to stop him. and I suspect, that somewhere deep inside, she’s unconsciously opting to conceive of him first as “Fen’Harel” to dull the blow of standing against her former comrade, and make what must come next easier to carry out.

5. so literally up until recently, I hadn’t 100% figured out which option she would choose here… I mean I had a fair idea, but I also kind of had this vague unconscious notion in the back of my brain that if I just thought about it hard enough, there would be a way to make things ‘work’ - to make the option I want to go with (Redeem) fit Gryff as a character. with the next DA game so far off, when Trespasser was released I didn’t feel a pressing urge to ‘lock-in’ my final calls for choices I wasn’t 100% on or to shore up my canon in preparation for da4. but I guess with the ME:A DLC announcement, my brain is shifting back into DA gear.

so - I think she chooses Stop Solas. I replayed Trespasser with Gryff for the first time in ages the other day, and played the final conversation with Solas out a bunch of times with the different options and responses.. and I’m like 8||| because no matter how I play it out with her, no matter what angles I try to look at it from, no matter what Olympic-level gymnastics twisting I try, I don’t think there’s a way I can make Try To Redeem Solas fit her character. there’s no way I can see, no way of twisting or cutting down or stretching or reframing, to justify it within the parameters of her traits and views. I think I’ve concluded that not only would it be an OOC move for her, it would be completely antithetical to who she is - like irreconcilable? its a square peg in a round hole, even with her character arc. (consequently I am cursing myself and like, deeply regretting my character-building choices, lmao)

what motivates her choice? ultimately, fear. fear not for herself but for her people. for their safety and their lives. for their future. for the world they inhabit. it goes back to seeing him as a threat. he poses a threat to her clan (the thing/group she loves and cares about far above All Else), modern elves in general (her People - even if some modern elves agree with/side with Solas), and the world of the present. Gryff can brook no threat to her people. she just doesnt work like that. Gryff seeks out and neutralizes threats. she’s a classic Counterphobic 6 (enneagram).

I wrote of her elsewhere,

Phobias: No phobias, but fears yes. Her Fade tombstone would read Bana’vhenadahl, which verrry roughly (it’s lyrical shorthand and ancient elven as opposed to modern formal Dalish, for a start) means something like “the ruined tree of the People”. Gryff’s greatest fear, pre-arc, is the destruction/death of her clan (and by extension her failure to protect them) and the Dalish. Keeping them safe is her #1 motivation and driving force: secure, protect, defend. Post-arc her fear has changed some. She’s come to see all modern elves as her people, comes to want to protect and defend all of them; so her greatest fear morphs into some huge catastrophe befalling them - extinction or near extinction, mass subjugation/enslavement, something of this kind (they’re oppressed and scattered now to be sure, but her fear is of something vast and ominous and somehow far worse). Like, whereas before the threats were simpler and corporeal - bandits, templars, slavers, wildlife, etc - now it’s something more vague, huge and shapeless, felt on an instinctive level. Bana’vhenadahl is a symbolic way of expressing that I guess.

maybe the man’s mind can be changed, maybe someone she once shared something with could be redeemed and saved. maybe not. for Gryff it isn’t worth the risk - Solas as an individual, the relationship they had, any selfish wants/hopes she may harbor or have harbored relating to him/it - those things just don’t weigh up against the possible risk to her clan and people. she weighs “the possibility that he could be convinced otherwise” against “the possibility that they try to convince him and fail to do so, and then harm befalls her people”, and it’s not worth it. Gryff who doesn’t give a shit about gods and ancient elves anymore, Gryff who thinks Solas is stuck in and stuck on the past, Gryff who loves the Dalish and the City Elves and who values and respects the Dalish way of life, Gryff who so loves the world that is, flawed as it is.. Solas and Gryff ultimately both want the same thing (to save the elves), and they both have pride as a major flaw - but they’re just so painfully diametrically opposed in what “save the elves” entails. and maybe even, in who “the elves” are? that’s still unclear, who “the elves” are to Solas. I have described Solas and Gryff as foils and 2 sides of the same coin before.

I really enjoy how in Trespasser, when Gryff is like, I’ll have to stop you - Solas is like, I know you’ll try. in that moment, for a second, she’s paused in her anger at him and resolve to kill/stop him and reminded that, yeah, he does know her. they did really know each other well once, for a time. then there’s that gulf of their differences in values yawning between them again. and she rails at him that he’d murder countless innocent people - he’s like, wouldn’t you, to save your own? first time I heard that I was like damn, thats actually fairly solid checkmate there Solas, because yes, she absolutely would if it came down to it and probably without much deliberation or even regret. heck probably with less regret than he expresses in Trespasser about his own course of action. the conflict boils down to (like above) that it’s his own vs her own. and if I had her choose otherwise, or choose to potentially risk hers by trying to talk Solas down first, I think I’d be butchering her character.

going back to roles - ‘So long as the music plays, we dance’. not discounting their agency, but sometimes it feels like there are overarching forces at work here, moving all these pieces on the chessboard and in this sick ‘dance’.. they move Solas to do as he does and move Gryff to oppose him - if Solas is change, Gryff is the status quo. if Solas is a wolf, Gryff is a wolfhound. sometimes I feel like, she’s no less on rails than he is. I don’t think either of them can stop.

… ಥ╭╮ಥ in this regard I regret my character-building choices here lmao. I think I need to make a secondary alternate Solasmancer so that come DA4, I can play out the Redeem option in an AU in order to comfort the weeping scraps of my being after my first run.

tl;dr im preparin to get fucked up in da4 gdi gryff lol fml

[msg refs this post]

#gryff why u gotta be this way #i will keep hoping for some loophole in da4 that lends some kind of 'picking redeem actually would work for her' someway somehow..#ow #bioware #dragon age #mj does a meme #mj replies #gryff lavellan #anonymous #video games #dragon age 4

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