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peachypinkygloss · 9 months

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Hii babes! 💗 Congrats on the milestone, for my request can I have Jungkook who kidnapped oc and is fucking her Infront of the TV where it shows her missing? Dumbification please! thank you love <33 💕

hello baby!! 🤍 o.m.g i gotta say I am baffled, BUT IN A GOOD WAY! how didn't I think of this myself 😪 love u, mwah 💋 x

crafting new memories

You're his and nothing else matters.

pairing: jungkook x fem!reader

genre: smut

warnings: stockholm syndrome, dub-con, dumbification, unprotected sex, 900 words.

a.n.: ok sorry but I needed to put fluff, you guys know me. nothing's better than twisted fluff 🫣 you know the drill: don't like, don't read 🫶🏻

This is part of my 2k milestone celebration! Here is the post for the drabble game! 🤍

♡・2k celebration masterlist・♡

It doesn't do anything to you anymore. All those strangers, those people that you didn't really know before, crying and asking you to come back home used to make you cry, too.

Your eyes would become watery, your hands would shake and your heart would beat louder in your chest. It didn't really matter who they were, all you knew was that people were mourning you as if you were actually dead.

You wanted to call your mother, tell her that you're fine, that you're still alive, that she doesn't need to worry. But it doesn't feel so necessary anymore.

The news only mentions you when they're talking about other missing people because it's been too long now. They've stopped showing your parents and they've stopped updating everyone on the police investigation. They've just stopped searching for you.

You're the past now and they're living in the present. They've moved on, and so have you.

You're embarrassed to say it, but it was easy to do. It was easy to turn the pages and finally close the book of your previous life. It's terrible how the man who took you away is the very same one who also gave you a new life.

A new home, a new heart.

It's incredible how he's managed to make you forget by just replacing the old memories with new ones. He crafted them for you. With his words, with his hands, with his lips, he created every thought of yours so the old ones would never come back haunting you.

"Feels good, baby?" Jungkook whispers above you, his hips thrusting in.

"Yes," you softly moan and grab onto him, passing your arms around his shoulders.

You keep him against you as he fucks you lovingly, breathing onto your face, hovering over you with his hands on each side of your head.

You can faintly hear the sound of the TV playing, someone stating the daily news. Jungkook takes a hold of your jaw and makes you turn your head to the side, your blurry eyes laying on the TV's screen.

You think you hear your name, but you're not sure. Your mind is fuzzy, clouded with thoughts about Jungkook and only Jungkook. You squint your eyes as the picture of someone familiar appears on the screen but you're too distracted by his cock entering and exiting your wet pussy.

You don't understand why he forces you to look, his large hand keeping your head in place. "Do you recognize her?" He asks, his lips brushing against your skin, his nose pressing down on your face.

You feel like you're going to suffocate, but you don't dislike the feeling, not at all. You love being so close to him that it becomes difficult to breathe, difficult to think.

"Is it... me?" You frown, another moan ripping out of you as he pounds you onto the couch, not missing a beat.

"It was," he answers breathily. "But not anymore. You're mine, now," he says and makes you face him again, your lips centimetres away from his. "Only mine, right, baby?"

"Yes," you agree without hesitation and Jungkook chuckles, a beautiful sound that makes your stomach flutter.

"Yeah," he grins, biting down on his lip. "It's the only thing you can say, too dumb to think for yourself," he mocks you, but you know there's no mean intention behind it.

He just finds you adorable, loves how pretty you look under him, totally in bliss.

"My stupid little girl." He trails kisses down your neck and over your breasts, perky nipples pointing at him. "What would you do without me, hm? You poor little thing," he coos, still smooching the tender skin of your neck.

"Jungkook, please," you beg, getting a bit impatient, clit pulsating. "Need to cum," you whine and tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging on it so he looks at you.

He groans at your neediness, leaving the crook of your neck to connect his eyes with yours. "My baby wants to cum around my cock? Is that what she wants?" He questions, even though he knows that's what you're asking for, pussy clenching helplessly around him.

"Please." You nod repeatedly, twisting his hair between your fists.

Jungkook smiles sweetly and pecks your lips, slowing the pace of his hips. "Everything my baby wants."

He sneaks his tattooed hand between your two bodies and reaches your puffy, swollen clit. He does quick circular motions on your bud with his thumb, picking up his pace again.

You moan out, showing him how good it feels, the knot in your stomach tightening. "I love you, Jungkook," you admit, even though he already knows.

Your pussy clenches around him and he has a hard time focusing on anything else than his cock sliding in your cunt. "Shit, me too, I-" he cuts himself off, looking down where your bodies connect. "I love you too, baby," he mutters under his breath, feeling his balls tightening.

You whine into his ear and he could get off just at the sound of you. He keeps going, fucking you until his thighs begin to shake and he has to steady his hips against yours.

"Fuck," he curses, releasing himself inside of you, painting your walls white with his cum.

It's shortly after that your orgasm passes through you, sweet moans escaping your mouth, walls quivering around him. Jungkook takes his time to pamper you in kisses, staying inside of you a bit more, lazily thrusting in.

"Mine," he repeats so you don't forget, but there's no need to.

You'll never leave him.

#🍑 [drabble game]#requests #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts x reader #bts drabble #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook smut #jungkook drabble #jungkook fanfiction

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quin-ns · 3 months

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Can I request a Rafe x reader where the reader is crying and upset and Rafe sees her and goes over to comfort her but seeing her all teary eyed vulnerable gets him so hard and he doesn't ever have the shame to hide so he ends up coercing her to have s3x with him

going back through my obx requests, sorry it took so long for me to get to this. I've been writing dark!rafe a bit for an unpublished fic, but I think this is my first time posting for it 👀

Teary Eyes (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

When Rafe found you crying on the bathroom floor alone, he hadn’t planned on staying.

He was just going to check on you, that's why he sat down next to you. You were sort of friends, and Rafe liked you enough that it didn’t feel right to just turn and leave. Really, his intentions were good.

But everyone knows what they say about good intentions—path to hell and all that.

That wasn’t really on Rafe’s mind when he started to attend to you. You were incredibly drunk and it took no prodding to get you to tell him what happened. You had gotten in an argument with your friends so they ditched you at the party, and that was after you got stood up.

It wasn’t your night, to put it simply, and so it shouldn’t have surprised Rafe when you started to cry on his shoulder. Literally.

He wrapped an arm over you, mumbling encouragement you probably didn’t even hear.

When you pulled back, you sniffed and sighed, wiping your eyes.

“I feel like nothing can go right for me,” you confessed shakily, blinking for clarity.

Rafe was struck with confusion in that moment, wondering why he liked your watery eyes and tear stained cheeks as much as he did.

Something within him urged Rafe to kiss you, and he didn’t resist it.

You seemed stunned and didn’t react right away. Your lips were soft, he couldn’t help himself. Rafe pushed his tongue into your mouth and cupped your face, kissing you harder.

Finally reacting, you tried to pull away.

Rafe parted from you for a moment, long enough to hear you gasp out his name.

“It’s okay,” he cooed, wiping away a tear from your cheek with his thumb. He lifted it to his lips and tasted the salty drop. He leaned back in. “You’re okay,” he muttered before capturing your lips again.

You let him guide you into his lap. He pulled back to look at you, watching as tears streaked down your face. He couldn’t tear his eyes away. You looked ashamed, but you didn’t need to be. You were beautiful like this, all fragile and weepy. He gripped your thighs to get in place, then slid your dress up around your waist.

The tears didn’t stop as he unbuttoned the front of his pants, or when he pushed your panties aside. Your weight sagged against him. Maybe you were too drunk to keep yourself up, or you wanted him too, but it didn’t make a difference to Rafe.

He kissed your neck, leaving his mark, while blindly lining himself up between your legs.

You jerked back when the head of his cock prodded at your entrance, but Rafe wrapped an arm around you to keep you in place.

“Stay still, alright?” Rafe hissed into your ear.

“I wanna go out there now,” you slurred, looking at the door.

Rafe tilted his head, meeting your blurry gaze.

“We’re staying here,” Rafe drawled, pulling you down into his lap.

You cut him off with a gasp when his cock filled you. Rafe groaned when your warm, wet walls squeezed him tight as you took him in full.

You were unsure what to do, so you buried your face in his neck and tried to steady your breathing. Rafe’s cock throbbed inside of you as your tears hit his skin.

“You're right where I want you,” Rafe finished, voice low.

You didn’t fight him, and your gentle whimpers did nothing but make him want you more.

#dark!rafe cameron x reader #dark!rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #outer banks #obx #request #asks #quin-ns writing

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adventuringblind · 7 months

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Sunrise

Oscar Piastri x Autistic!Reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: The fans and media get to Oscar’s girlfriend in a way he’ll never forgive

Warnings: SUICIDE AND SH depictions, toxic media, death threats, lack of communication, anxiety, Oscar is a mess.

Notes: …. We’re not talking about my patterns alright. I swear I’m in therapy.

Masterlist

Oscar is not normally an irrational person. He prides himself on his calm and collected state. Something that his neurodivergent counterpart loves because it makes him easy to read. Everything is clear to her with him.

He adores his girlfriend. Plans to eventually marry her one day. He doesn’t care that her body isn’t the ‘standard’ for beauty because he finds her stunning. He doesn’t care that she has deep passions for her interests and could talk for hours about it because he loves listening.

So why is it his fans don’t get that same thing? Why do the vultures have to attack her for doing nothing wrong?

He ponders these questions as he sits in the hospital waiting room. Fingers crossed he got to her in time.

She’d turned off all her notifications on social media. She had to. For some reason now that Oscar and McLaren are on track and fighting again, people are seeming to notice her more often.

Gone are the days of sneaking off into the quiet corners. Numbered are the days she’ll be able to spend with him at this rate.

The death threats started a month ago. To many things she’d rather not think about. The name calling is flat out unnecessary and something she doesn’t understand.

She knows logically nothing can come if it. But the nagging at her brain won’t stop for some reason. She hates it, being empathetic. She just feels so extremely that she can’t decipher if the words hurt her or if she’s angry and why she feels this way. It’s to much for her mind to process.

So she turns everything off. No social media for her.

She’d simply told Oscar the hate was to much and she needs a break from the internet. Which isn’t a lie, but she didn’t want him to worry about her and start doing poorly because of it.

Instead curled up underneath her blankets with music and switched off the world.

Oscar is feeling alright with fifth in Hungary. Not exactly where he wants to be, but it’s still considerably better then where he was previously.

As is routine, he gets into the garage as quickly as he can. The one thing he managed to negotiate for with his PR team: the he gets to check in on his girlfriend before he does media duties.

He peers inside. It’s mostly empty due to the incoming podium celebration. But there is no sign of her. Nothing is the garage or his driver room or Lando’s room, or the bathroom.

His heart thuds in his chest. This is routine, and she always sticks to her routine. If she’s not here then something must be terribly wrong. Oscar pulls out his phone to see he has a text from her and the weight on him lessens just a tad.

‘Sorry I won’t be there for the end of the race! I was feeling incredibly sick so I went back to the hotel room! I love you so much! 🧡🖤’

And suddenly that weight is back. If she left then something is clearly wrong. She’s stayed through blurry vision from migraines, endured hours of overstimulation for him, even dealt with his fans pushing her around. Yet she always stayed. If something caused her to leave then it’s definitely something to worry about.

He ended up missing the podium celebration. His PR manager is looking for him. But he could care less and heads straight for Zak.

He gives a brief summary of what’s going on and defines is as an emergency. That word was what made Zak let him go as long as he promised to keep everyone posted.

Then he ran.

Race weekends have come to be one of her favorite things. The consistent hum of car engines stimulates her brain in a way that she loves.

What she doesn’t love is the fans. She wonders for a moment if all the WAG’s have this kind of hate. So she sets off to go find Lily and ask. She’s become close with her over the course of this year. She’s also passionate about things and it’s fun to listen to her get excited over her interests. Something the female can relate to well.

When she neared the Williams hospitality, she saw Lily and waved her over only to be stopped in her tracks by a few fans in McLaren gear. She instantly took notices of the very blatant disregard for personal space and the negative energy they carried with them.

Then they out in some fake smiles and handed her an envelope, walking away without a word.

She was left confused and stunned. But also curious. The envelope in her hands had some weight to it and she can’t help but wonder what’s inside.

She doesn’t hesitate to open it. Her eyes scanning over the contents. Every second she looks at it makes her feel sick to her stomach.

Someone had been stalking them. Not just her and Oscar, but Lando as well. Addresses, pictures, personal information, even images from intimate moments where they are very clearly without clothes.

She could see the possibility of her and maybe Oscar being stalked if these are the same fans who have been harassing her for a couple months now. But Lando as well makes her feel dirty and upset in a way.

It’s to much. She feels to much. It’s overwhelming.

She stuffs everything back inside and finally gets to Lily. A brief excuse leaves her lips that she’s going back to the hotel cause she’s feeling sick. She takes note of Lily’s instant concern and the female does her best to fight back every emotion. It’s utterly draining. She has no energy to sort out her feelings and other peoples feelings when she can’t understand any of them anyway.

Lily lets her go on the condition she texts her when she gets back to the hotel.

She agrees. She'll be messaging everyone when she gets there.

Oscar gets into his car and fumbles around for the keys.

He left them with his stuff. His stuff that he doesn't have. Now he's going to have to run all the way back.

He gets out and heads straight to the McLaren garage. Ignoring the strange looks.

He even tries pulling his phone out to call her. Straight to voicemail. Twenty times.

Halfway there, he runs into Lando. The Brit is winded and carrying Oscar's things.

"I'm driving."

She can't believe she's actually going to do this. It's not that she's never thought about it before. Feeling alien on your own planet will do that to you. But she feels like she has no other choice.

It's too much. The fans want her dead, and they are willing to do horrible things to get it.

She can't handle it. The feelings of all of it are overwhelming. She can't tell where her emotions end and someone else's start. The letter written to her only points out further.

The last few months have been beyond her limit. She doesn't feel safe in her own skin. Everyone is telling her she'll never be enough. That she is not meant for this life.

She'd thought about her friends as she wrote those damn notes. The blank looks when she says something lnnapropriat for the conversation. The times she's had meltdowns and they had to deal with her.

She thinks about Oscar, too. His note is three pages long. It's intimate, and she hopes he can understand it. Words she's written countless times the last months to make sure he understands her decision.

She lays it out where she knows he'll see it and then locks herself in the bathroom. The bathtub is filled with ice-cold water and not filled all the way to the top. Just enough to make things easy.

Is she really doing this because those damn fans are going to leak everything about their lives tonight if she doesn't? Certainly a factor in her decision. It seems the logical solution if she's to fix the problem. She hates herself for this; that she can't just be what everyone wants.

That thought brings the first cut.

She didn't bother taking off her clothes. She hates the feeling. They cling to her skin and it makes her want to peel her skin off.

The second cut is for her clothing.

Then the third.

And a fourth.

The fifth makes her dizzy.

The sixth causes her vision to dance.

The seventh and eighth she can't even register.

Everything is numb by nine and ten.

Then nothing.

Oscar and Lando take three steps at a time.

Apparently, Lando had run into Lily and found out what had happened. The Brit also felt his stomach drop with the feeling something is wrong.

Oscar sprints down the hall when they make it to the right floor. Fumbles around with his key card. Then, finally, he gets the door open.

He scans the room. There is paper stacked neatly on the table. An envelop almost thrown to the side.

He looks at the note addressed to him, and he chokes. Lando is searching for any sign of life but the Aussie can't see past the fact that there are fans asking her to kill herself. And that she felt the need to say yes because now they have stalkers.

He'll think about it later. Right now, Lando is screaming for him.

He barrels to where the voice comes from. Again, he chokes. This time on frantic tears.

Lando is looking like he might pass out, but the Brit is staying strong for his teammate and friend. He tries to get Oscar to help him.

She may be passed out, but the Aussie registers Lando saying she has a pulse. That she's still breathing even if it's shallow.

They work together to drag her out of the water. Her make it so that when they set her down, she immediately is sliding on the tile. They wrap her arm in wash rags. The only thing they can find to slow the bleeding. But the cuts are too deep. It doesn't slow.

So they call an ambulance.

Oscar doesn't register much after that. Listening to Lando instruct him on what to do, including breathing. Riding with her to the hospital. Watching her be taken away. Meeting Lando in the waiting room.

Now he has nothing to do but wait and look through everything he missed.

Her socials are where she's being threatened, sure. But it's the contents of the envelope that got Oscar angry. Way past the point of livid.

"Lan, I- what the hell." He shows everything to his teammate, and terror stretches across his face.

And then she was left with a ticking clock and an ultimatum. Disappear or have all this and more released to the public. What better way to disappear than to do it permanently.

It breaks him. He can't breathe past the thought of not having her around. He can't live knowing she left because the world is suck a cruel place. And he feels utterly selfish for wishing her to stay with him through it.

Somehow, he ended up on the floor, sobbing dramatically into Lando's sweatshirt.

But then others start to appear. It's not just the two of them because there are so many people that care for her.

Max shows up first with a certain Monegasque in tow, followed by Alex and Lily, the latter of which looks about as broken as him. Then George and Lewis appear, followed by Logan.

They explain what happened. Everyone is shocked, and there are no words between them for a few minutes as everyone processes.

"I don't understand why someone would do this." Pipes Max. He knows about death threats fairly well, but this is a new level of extreme.

"We could say something. Make a statement about it and start a suicide awareness campaign." Lewis suggests.

Oscar knows a campaign probably won't do much against whoever sent this, but a statement might. He wants to say everything on his mind.

And that's exactly what he did. His PR team be damned because this takes precedence.

She wasn't expecting to wake up. She wasn't supposed to wake up. So how is she awake?

She cracks her eyes open just a tad to assess her surroundings. Her arm is bandaged and she's underneath some of the worst textures to come in contact with.

The thing that catches her eye is the brown locks of a specific Australian. She moves her hand to them and runs her fingers gently along his scalp.

he shifts around a bit before relaxing into the feeling. At least she could give him this before she ruins his and Lando's life.

She's not sure how long they go on like this until Oscar sits up and yawns. He blinks a few times and adjusts himself to the florescent lights.

She's not sure she's ever seen Oscar cry before. Once at a really sad movie, but even that was just slight. Now he's crying tears for her. The sound makes her tear ducts spring into action as well.

"Please, don't ever do that again." He rasps. His voice crackles with the sound of sobs.

She doesn't say anything. She can't say anything. So instead, Oscar crawls into the bed with her. He just cradles her body into his.

"I'm sorry." Is all she manages to say. And after a few more breathes she continues. "I didn't want to be the reason you and Lando lose your jobs. Or be the cause of your stress. And then everything felt like it was too much, and I just wanted it to stop." She feels pathetic.

"I promise that I will never be upset with you for something like this. The fans pushed and pushed and then drove you into a corner. But in the future, you have to come to me. I can't help if you don't communicate with me."

"What about racing? And Lando? And all your personal information?" The weight she'd had before has made a sudden return.

"Should be taken care of. We beat them to the punch and made a statement about how someone close to McLaren had been threatened and the person responsible would be posting personal information." Oscar explains. She feels better knowing they didn't say it was her name. "I also said I would be taking a break from socials for personal reasons... and also said something about how much I love you."

The news came out eventually. It's not every day that F1 driver's campaign for mental health. But they've all been incredibly helpful. She is on the road to recovery and Oscar intends on being with her through every step of the way.

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kelcemenow · 1 month

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Drive Me Crazy - Chapter 7.

Pairing Travis Kelce x Reader

Words 2041

Warnings Mentions of fainting/panic attack, this one has a little bit of an angsty theme to it, but there's still a bit of fluff at the end.

Huge thank you to the Anon who sent this in! They had such amazing words to say about my writing which I massively appreciate and then to top it off, had an incredible request for me! I only have experience with mechanics in the UK, so I’ve tried my best with this one! “I just recently got interested in Travis K. X reader stories and wanted to let you know, I read all of yours as quickly as I could. They are so well done and I couldn’t help but laugh/giggle and feel through each word you typed out. You’re doing amazing and I’m so glad to have stumbled onto your page. If you have any space for a request, I’d be curious about what Trav would think about having a military (like fighter pilot) or engineer or mechanic girlfriend. I see a lot of stories with him paired with models/singers/social media individuals (which are phenomenal!) but just wondering how he would be with a more tomboy like girlfriend!”

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

"Wooooooh!" Your Dad bellowed as he raised his clenched fists into the air.

You glanced around the viewing box as a couple of other people were watching and smiling at him, "I'm sorry, he's really excited." You nodded.

"This is so awesome!" He beamed back at you, "I can't believe I'm here!"

You grinned and leaned in closer to him, straining your voice over the music, "Well, believe it, it's happening!"

Gripping your plastic tumbler of beer, your wide eyes scanned the stadium as thousands of fan poured into the stadium, filling their seats. There was a sea of red and white clad supporters below you, all anxiously waiting for the game to start. As you took a quick sip of your drink, a loud and low voice boomed in your ears.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Your Kansas City Chiefs!"

The stadium roared as several dozen pumped up men spilled out onto the field, running and jumping in the air to hype up the crowd. Your gaze danced around them until it finally settled onto Travis, who was jogging out close to Patrick, speaking in his ear. They stopped and Travis lifted his knee to begin warming up, his eyes checking the stands. When he finally looked in your direction, your stomach gave a flutter and he waved gently towards you.

Your Dad nudged you playfully with his elbow and you felt your cheeks flush bright red. The excitement built up in your stomach as the floor rumbled with noise, the atmosphere thick with anticipation. The Las Vegas Raiders were the Chiefs' biggest rivals, and with 71 wins against them behind their belts, the Chiefs were preparing for a another one to add to the list.

As the game began, you noticed that your eyes always seemed to drift to Travis. You were watching the game, but there was something about him that drew you in. He was showman, giving the crowd what they wanted and every play was a spectacle. Your Dad was fully immersed, shouting and cheering at every necessary opportunity and it warmed your heart to see him so happy. His kind eyes sparkled like a child at Christmas and by the time half time had rolled around, he had already made a friend in a gentleman next to him.

"Hey, Pop." You leaned closer to him and placed your hand on his shoulder, "I'm heading for another beer, do you want one?"

"Yes please, Sport." He reached into his jeans pocket, "And get one for my friend here."

You smiled and nodded, ducking out of the viewing box, grabbing your bag on the way out. As you paced through the corridors, the roaring sounds of the stadium surrounding you, you pulled your phone from your pocket to check Instagram. You scrolled a few times before your heart stopped as your eyes settled on a post. It was a photograph, although blurry, showing Travis leaning across a small table in a booth to kiss you. You swiped across where there was another picture of the two of you leaving the bar, your hand clasped in his and his gaze fixed on you. You hesitated for a second before tapping on the comments.

"He's dating her???? He can do better."

"I swear she serviced my car last week, not exactly girlfriend material."

"Travis should be dating someone waaay hotter than her."

"She's giving tomboy...and not in a good way."

Moisture quickly flooded your eyes and blurred your vision. You threw your phone back into your purse as you blinked hard, tears rolling down your cheeks. The crowd noises suddenly became muffled and you felt your chest become heavy, your breathing quickening it's pace.

"Are you okay?" A concerned voice said to your right.

You lifted your head as you stumbled back towards the wall, your fingers feeling the cool painted brick.

"Ummm...yeah, thanks." Was all you could manage through your dizzying haze, a numbing sensation spreading from your chest to your face. Your hands pressed against the wall behind you and kept you upright as your mind whirred with the words you had just read.

"Are you sure? I could go and get someone if-"

You sniffed loudly and wiped away some of the moisture that had stained your cheeks with the sleeve of your sweater, "No, no. Honestly, I'm fine. Thank you, anyway."

The stranger kept his gaze on you for a little longer, concern strewn across his face before disappearing around the corner of the corridor. You took some deep breaths, rubbing the underneath of your eyes a few more times before rolling your shoulders back and heading towards the bar.

You knew that you probably weren't Travis' usual type and the sudden attention was something you had been apprehensive about. But Travis had sucked you into his life, something drew you to him without your knowledge and now you were fully in the deep end. The comments had not only hurt your feelings, but had confirmed something you were afraid of. Rejection.

"What can I get for you?"

"He can do better."

"I'll take three beers please."

"Not exactly girlfriend material."

"Sure, coming up."

"Not in a good way."

The words span around in your mind, your chest becoming heavy again with your laboured breathing. Your fingers fumbled with the opening of your purse, trying desperately to find your wallet but your skin tingled, the numbness returning.

As the three plastic cups of beer were placed on the bar top in front of you, you noticed that your vision was blurring and you were becoming unsteady. You inhaled deeply in an attempt to secure as much oxygen as you could before your legs gave way and you found yourself slumped on the floor, your elbow throbbing in pain from hitting it against the hard walled surface behind you. Two bartenders rushed to your side, their faces appearing in your foggy vision with expressions filled with concern.

"I'm fine...I'm fine." You mumbled, holding your hands out to try and lift yourself from the ground.

"I think we should get someone." A bright female voice stated confidently, "Aaron, go and get someone from medical."

"Honestly, I'm fine."

She placed her hand firmly on your shoulder, "You're not going anywhere, okay? We going to get you looked at."

As you rested your head against the wall behind you, your eyes floated closed and a warm feeling filled your body, blackness drifting in.

______________________________________________________________

"Really, I'm fine."

"That's all she keeps saying."

"Because I am!" You laughed, shaking your head and looking away.

"You hit your head."

"I hit my elbow."

The bartender had called for an Emergency Medical Technician to check you over, bringing you behind the bar and into the staff area as crowds were beginning to form in the bar during half time. Half time was over now though, and you could hear the game ramping up again.

The EMT continued to check your blood pressure, "Okay, okay. This will only take a few more minutes and we can see what's going on here. You see, people don't just collapse for no reason, Miss."

You rubbed your forehead, "I know. But I'm okay now, I just had a moment."

"Your blood pressure is quite high, this game must be really exciting."

You looked down at the floor, "Something like that."

"That could explain why you collapsed." The EMT furrowed his brow, his apprehensive gaze fully fixed on you, "Are you sure you're okay?"

You rolled your eyes slightly, "For the hundredth time, I'm fine."

The EMT glanced towards the female bartender and then back at you, "Okay. But I would suggest no more alcohol, and take it easy, alright?"

You quickly stood up from the chair, your mouth moving into a smile, "Two beers, please."

______________________________________________________________

The rest of the game was exactly how you imagined it to be. The Chiefs fan's were traditionally loud and the players themselves ate it up. It was truly entertaining and whilst you didn't follow along completely, seeing Travis happy with his win warmed your heart. You didn't tell your Dad about your incident at the bar, instead lying and saying that you were gone a while due to a line at the restroom.

As the stadium began to empty, your Dad said his goodbyes to his friend as you pulled your jacket on. You quickly checked your phone, knowing it would be too early to hear from Travis and instead took a quick photo of the stadium.

"Come on, Sport." Your Dad called as he threw an arm around your shoulder, "I've had the best time!"

You smiled up at him, "I'm so pleased you've enjoyed yourself."

"Are you kidding me? At Arrowhead with my best girl, watching a Chiefs game in Travis Kelce's viewing box? I can die a happy man now,"

You poked him in the stomach, "Hey now. You know I hate it when you say that!" You drew in closer to him, "What do you wanna do now?"

He frowned down at you, "Are you not going to see Travis? Surely, you'll be okay to go to the locker room as congratulate him? Plus, I'd love to meet him and say thank you for the tickets."

"I don't know." You twisted your face as you absently glanced at your cell phone again, "I don't really know if I'm allowed."

You both meandered down the corridor before you spilled out into the crowd, following the natural flow of people out towards the exits. There was a natural buzz amongst the fans due to another win during an already great season but suddenly, the sound of a gentle commotion distracted your attention.

"What's going on there?" Your Dad asked curiously.

Bodies began moving quickly and cell phones were held high up in the air as people started to swarm towards one particular point.

"Travis!" "Travis Kelce!" "Hey, Travis!"

Your eyes widened as Travis pushed himself through the crowd, reaching out for your hands, "Hey, are you okay?"

"Uhhh...yeah. I'm fine." You licked your lips to ease your sudden dry mouth.

"Are you sure?" His hands moved to your arms, giving them a gentle squeeze as his eyes darted across your face, searching for any indication of injury.

"Travis..."

"One of the medics told me you passed out?"

Your Dad edged his way closer to the pair of you, his eyebrows lowered, "Sorry, what was that?"

You sighed, displaying your clear exasperation, "I had a little moment at the bar during half time, I think I was just overwhelmed and I fell down, that's all."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Your Dad pursed his lips, disappointed that you had kept the truth from him.

"Because I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I'm fine."

"Are you okay?" Travis' hold on you was urgent, as if he didn't want to let you go.

"Travis. Like I said, I'm fine."

You were abruptly aware that a crowd of people had begun to gather, their attention fully on Travis. Looking across to him, you noticed that he was barely out of his kit, his pants and undershirt still on, his feet bearing socks instead of his cleats. His brow was glistening and his hands still had remnants of white tape covering them.

Travis detected your gaze, "I came out to find you as soon as I heard."

Your mouth moved into a soft smile, your heart skipping slightly, "That's really cute."

His eyes flickered down to your lips and you could swear you saw him go to lean in towards you before he realised that you had an audience. He straightened his shoulders and turned towards your Dad.

"It's really good to meet you, sir." Travis held his hand out, nodding his head.

Your Dad exhaled quickly in shock as his face flushed a deep crimson colour, "Oh, Mr Kelce. The pleasure is all mine." He took hold of Travis' hand and shook it enthusiastically.

You leaned towards Travis, moving your mouth slightly closer to his ear, "Dad's a big fan."

Travis turned his head, checking the crowds before pulling your Dad in for a hug, "How's about we all head to the locker room and meet some people, huh?"

______________________________________________________________

Will I ever post new chapters within a decent time frame? Who knows? I was in a little bit of a writing slump but I feel like I've got out of the other side of it, and I think I know where this story is going to go! But as always, I will take all and any suggests for this one! I've had to adjust the way I do my Taglist as there's now so many of you all which is crazy!! If you want to be added, just let me know! This series will be going for a bit longer now that I've definitely figured out the story, so I reckon the next chapter will be posted in, like...July? Kidding, of course!

Taglist @rd14 @dandelionwrites8 @keiva1000 @fantasywritersstuff @caelipartem @anacarangel @she-lives-in-her-dreams @kkrenae @kristencochefski1125

@countrygirl120983 @charmed2000 @nouis-bum @cixrosie @delicateearthquakellama @wordsaresimple-imnot @amylouwho9 @queenisa17 @talicat713

@luvvtrent @purecinnamonextract @savaneafricaine @caelipartem @beyxgrande @caitdaniels @ezgirl1108 @vir-tual @lightsoutstyles @macey234

@s294749w @kelcemesoftly @calirindo @livinginmyfantasies @bernelflo @secretmywritingfictionlawyer @killatravtramp @there-goes-thefighter @unicornblueberry

@calirindo @tjkelce87 @kristinamae093 @kmc1989 @ajbird18 @triski73 @ctn26 @kgcaputo07 @abby-splace @bobthe-turmpetman29

@cedricbitch @abby-splace @jmamas92 @bellstwd @killatravsworld @marchmaiden @chimchimmarie @blackstabbath6 @fanficfanatic15 @jessiemariebarnes

@mmb219 @vanwritesfan-fiction @futebollover @ks-dreams-fantasies @laurenmcucm @blackstabbath6 @nickie-amore @fictionqueen87 @munsonburner666 @hornyavengers

@spookystitchery @powellssaturn @skywalker0809 @shortttcakkee

#travis kelce x reader #travis kelce imagine #kelce x reader #nfl imagine #original story #travis kelce fic #travis kelce #travis kelce fluff #nfl fluff #travis kelce smut #travis kelce angst #nfl smut #nfl angst #nfl fic #kelcemenow requests

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goldenbuckyyy · 1 year

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PARALYZED

Summary: Your mind is making you believe things you shouldn’t.

Pairings: Harry Styles x fem!Reader, Fem!Reader x OC, Mentions of HS x OC

Word Count: 4kish

Warnings: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST PARTNER, mentions of blood, slapping, tugging, and previous events of D.V. Also being gaslit, believing something you shouldn’t, allures to depression, anxiety, PTSD from D.V events.

PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE IF ANY OF THE ABOVE WARNINGS ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU.

A/N: First off, I am so sorry I’m barely posting part 4! I know it’s been a long time since I posted part 3, but I was in a funk about this short series and I had no idea what to do with it! I’m thinking since it’s such a heavy topic, it felt almost draining, but.. here it is! And I hope you all enjoy it. 🫶🏻 thank you for supporting me and loving my work!! I’m also tagging the people that commented on the last part! Song Inspo: “Paralyzed” by NF

All my mistakes are my own. Please do not repost or translate my fics on any other site nor this one.

I appreciate any likes, reblogs, messages, and interactions. Please message me your thoughts!!! It fuels me!

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Two weeks.

It’s been two weeks since you’ve been home since your accident.

Accident.

The word felt weird in your brain. It felt weird in your mouth. It felt weird even thinking about it.

Because the more you thought about it… the more your brain tried to remember the events that had happened to you and the more pain it caused you.

You had spent the entire time locked up in your home.

Absolutely terrified to go outside. To see your friends. To see your family.

You hadn’t even seen Harry and it wasn’t for his lack of trying. He called. He texted. He even came to the house when he knew Asher would be at work. He’d stay outside for hours in his Range Rover and you’d secretly watch him from the window upstairs that he didn’t know had the perfect view of him.

And he looked just as rough as you felt.

But you couldn’t find it in yourself to speak to him. Let alone see him.

Sometimes.. sometimes you’d cry sitting against the front door as you listened to Harry talking to you from behind it.

But you would simply just text him to leave you alone and that you couldn’t speak to him anymore.

He sent you so many messages daily and it made you feel guilty. Guilty for shutting him out after he was there for you. Ashamed for what you had done to Asher. And terrified because you didn’t want anything to happen to Harry. The more you thought about what had happened to you… the more it made you afraid of Harry getting hurt because of you.

You just felt so horrible. So ashamed. So guilty. So gross.

You couldn’t even bring yourself to record anything for your socials.

You had been posting old drafts that you had saved for a rainy day and you feared that your followers were slowly realizing something was going on. But you ignored the feeling and persisted with your day to day life.

Well, you were trying.

Your body still aches. You still felt incredibly sore, but it was slowly getting better.

The swelling around your face had gone down and the bruising was now a greenish/yellowing color. You still felt horrible. You felt hideous and ashamed.

You didn’t know why, but you felt so ashamed of yourself.

And you were terrified of Asher.

You couldn’t even look at him. He had gone on with his day to day life after you had been released from the hospital. He tried to be there for you, but he could tell something was wrong because you wouldn’t let him touch you.

You were so scared of him and you didn’t know why. You kept having nightmares of ‘the accident’ and the more and more you dreamt of it… the more the person resembled Asher. The more you saw the figure in your mind… the more their features twisted into Asher’s.

Those dark eyes turned into angry blue ones. The messy black hair in your dreams turned into bright blonde. The blurry jaw turned sharp and all the features soon morphed into Asher. And it terrified you.

Had it been Asher who had done this to you?

The more you thought about it… the more those muffled words the person yelled turned into words yelled at you by Asher.

The more you think about it the more your breathing starts feeling restricted because you can almost feel the way his strong hand was pressed against the base of your neck. The way he was physically choking you against the wall and how you cried to him, begging him to let you go, but he never did.

Silent tears fall down your cheeks as the memories pile into your thoughts. You didn’t want to believe it.

You couldn’t believe it.

You grip onto your shoulders as you hug your knees to your chest and the cold bathtub feels good on your naked skin. But you feel hollow inside.. almost empty.

The water surrounding your naked body is cold and your skin is breaking out into goosebumps. But you can’t find it in yourself to get out of it.

You feel as if you’re drowning in all of your emotions with your heart pounding in your ears. Trying to find the meaning of why he did this to you.

Why would he leave you with these scars inside of you that will never heal?

You know what you did was wrong. So wrong. That’s why you hadn’t spoken to Harry in two weeks, but did you honestly deserve all of this?

Maybe you did.

Maybe you did deserve this.

You did this. You cheated on him. You hurt him first. You destroyed him first. He just got even.

The annoying little voice in your head kept repeating those sentences to you and you were starting to believe it.

You let out a shaky breath as your body shakes with it. You slowly start to get out of the bathtub, your body feeling weak, and you know you look like shit.

You had been feeling so nauseated and disgusting. You couldn’t keep anything down, but you kept trying.

You obviously haven't been eating right and your body is showing it, but you avoid yourself in the mirror and dry yourself off in the dark closet. You pull on an oversized jumper and matching bottoms. You braid your wet hair into a braid and let out a deep sigh. Your chest feels heavy.

You sit for a second, letting your eyes slowly go up, and you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Your dark under eyes and hollow cheeks are enough to make you instantly look away. The bruises you still hold make your eyes sting. The fading handprint marks on your neck make you cringe. You close your eyes quickly and curse at yourself.

You slowly make your way to your bed, putting your phone to charge, and slipping under the covers.

And at that moment, Asher walks into the room in his work suit. His eyes immediately find you and you freeze in the bed.

You wonder if he knows that you know it was him.

Was it him?

It was.

His eyes never leave you as he bends down in front of you. You grip onto the covers around you and hold your breath when his fingers caress your face.

“How are you feeling?” He asks with sincerity in his voice and warmth in his eyes. And you wonder how he could have ever laid a hand on you.

“I’m okay,” you reply in a whisper and try to not shake underneath his touch.

Why are you afraid of him? He was upset and you deserved it.

“I’m glad,” he says as he quickly kisses your forehead and then goes into the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him and you let out a shaky breath that you were holding in. You wipe the wet kiss he left on your skin and then when you hear the shower start, your body relaxes into the bed.

Then your phone vibrates on your nightstand.

Your entire body runs cold and you quickly get it, jogging out of the room, and running downstairs.

You step outside into your patio and answer your phone. The cold air hitting your face and making you instantly shiver.

“You have to stop calling me,” you whisper immediately when you put the phone to your ear. Your heart thumps rapidly inside of your chest.

You hear a small sniffle from the other side of the call and your heart tightens.

“Sun..”

You clench your eyes tightly and try to even out your breathing, “Harry. I’ve told you to stop calling me. You.. you can’t call me anymore. Whatever we had, it’s done. It-it’s over.”

Even if your heart is screaming at you to let him back in. To ask him to come save you. To save you from Asher. To save you from yourself.

“Just please tell me why you’re still there! He hurt you! He did this to you. Why don’t you believe me?!” His voice is filled with anguish, disbelief, and he sounds absolutely devastated.

Because you can't admit that he did this to you. Because you deserve everything he did. Because you made the biggest mistake when you slept with Harry again. Harry doesn’t want you anymore.

You pinch the bridge of your nose as an uneasiness settles into the pit of your stomach. “What am I supposed to do, Harry? I-I don’t even know if it was him! I feel crazy! I feel insane! I-I feel insane for the way my brain is slowly making images of him doing this to me! How could—he didn’t,” you start pacing your backyard, wet grass tickling your feet, “How could he have done this to me?” You silently beg him for an answer.

You weep silently as he asks, “You remember?”

You silently groan and wipe your tears away in a rush.

“I don’t know what I remember! I-I don’t know what’s real or what’s fake. I just know that you need to stop calling me,” you demand as you quickly end the call and sit down on your patio chair. Trying to relax your heart rate as the ugly images rush in your brain.

You clench your eyes tightly together, your hands grasping at the roots of your hair, and you let out a little whimper.

Stop crying. You deserved it.

You slowly start to work on your breathing, your entire body shaking with feelings of anxiety and desperation, and you lean back onto the chair. Letting yourself inhale deeply and calmly. Your eyes are still closed as you try to relax.

“Y/N?”

Asher’s voice startles you which makes you flinch, which causes you to jump in the chair, your hands gripping onto the arm rests in a panic, and gasping deeply. Your eyes go wide in fright and you see Asher standing in front of you in only his pajama pants. His blonde hair is wet and messy.

“Hey, it’s just me.” He coos at you, leaning down to watch you, his cold hands covering your own, and you try not to snatch them back.

He notices your hesitation and he frowns.

“Why are you outside?” His voice suddenly turned cold.

“I just needed some fresh air,” you lie as you try to speak clearly and without any shakiness.

Because your mind won’t stop trying to tell you about what happened.

His eyebrows furr and his lips go tight.

“You need to come inside before you catch a cold,” he demands. His hand tightens around your wrist and he basically tugs you onto your feet and drag you inside.

You yelp loudly, “Asher, what are you doing? Let go of me!”

He loves you. He wouldn’t hurt you. Would he?

He already did.

His hand only grips tighter around you as he drags you into the kitchen.

The only place you had been avoiding since the accident. Your heart rate immediately goes sky high, confusion runs through you, and you beg, “Asher.. wh-what are you doing? Let me go, please.”

Fear runs through your body when he shoves you into the kitchen stool and he stands in front of you.

“Since when do you remember?”

Your mouth goes dry as your eyes go wide, “Remember what?”

He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest, and his dark eyes turn to you. “Let’s just stop this game where you pretend you don’t remember what I did to you and why I did it to you.”

“I…I don’t—I don’t know…”

You look down to try to avoid his hard stare and start fumbling with your fingers. A feeling of uneasiness surrounds you.

His hand slams onto the countertop, the loud bang making you jump, and tears fill your eyes. Because you’re terrified. Your lip quivers in fright.

“Stop fucking lying to me!! You’ve been lying to me for years! Saying you and Harry are over! That-that nothing was going on between you guys! That it was over! It was never fucking over!! You kept fucking him behind my back and I want to know why!”

His hands grip your arms tightly, tears falling down your cheeks as you try to avoid his eyes, and he grabs your chin in his hand.

“Stop fucking crying and tell me why you kept fucking him!!” He roars at you as angry tears run down his face, chest heaving in rage, and he looks terrifying.

You cry into his palm, “I-I d-don't know why! It-it just happened, I s-swear!! Please, Asher! Please believe me! It only h-happened a couple times and—-“ you whine as his grip tightens around your chin and pain shoots all over your body from it.

“So, who’s the father?”

What?

His question makes your tears halt, you suck in a deep breath, and your hands immediately go into his wrist to try and pull him off of you. Your eyes staring into his own in shock, “What are you t-talking about?!”

Father?

He shoves you off his palm and you steady yourself in the chair again, watching him, and trying to stop more tears from falling. He walks around the kitchen, shaking his head, and he lets out a chuckle in disbelief.

“Asher!” You cry out, standing up this time even though you are shaking from head to toe, and you feel completely afraid of him. You have to know what he meant.

“What are you talking about?!”

He turns to look down at you, his eyes roaming your body, and he stops at your belly. You flinch under his attention, wrapping your arms around yourself as if you’re trying to protect your body from him, and he moves closer to you.

“I told the nurse from the hospital that I’m your fiancée and she told me that you’re pregnant.” You gasp loudly, covering your mouth as sobs break through you, “The only reason why they told me was because they were about to tell you after they checked your blood work again to make sure, but I begged them not to say anything. Saying something about how it would be too much for you too soon.” He rolls his eyes at your sobs and continues, “I had to practically beg on my knees for them not to tell you, but you were beaten up so bad that they felt bad for you.”

He leans down to look into your eyes as you try to back away.

“Little did they know it was me who did it to you,” he whispers, “but then I found out you’re pregnant. And I admit.. I did feel a little bit guilty. But then I felt pissed. Because I don’t even know if the baby is mine. Do you?”

You whimper as he gets closer to you, your arms wrapping tighter around your body, and you look down to your feet.

“You did this to me,” you sob out in a whisper, finally admitting it out loud, and you feel your shoulders start to shake.

He suddenly grabs your neck and in an instant without even hesitation, you react by slapping his face hard. The loud smack startles him as an angry groan rages out of his chest and you instantly retract backwards, fumbling and tripping on your feet to the floor.

Why would you hit the man who loves you?

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Don’t touch me, I’m sorry! Please don’t hit me!” The words fly out of your mouth at a rapid speed as you quickly scatter into the corner of the room into a ball, trying to shield yourself from him with your arms, and your breathing picks up instantly.

Asher’s quick steps allow him to reach you in an instant, his big hands swallow your wrist, and he pulls you to your feet. You stumble into his embrace as he holds you tightly against his body.

His free hand tugs into your hair, pulling at it by the roots and he laughs when you let out a pained whine, and tears spring out in the corner of your eyes, and you’re frozen in his hold.

He’s pulling your hair down so that you’re looking up at him, his tight hold doesn’t let you move an inch, and his white teeth are covered in his own blood from the hard hit you gave him.

“Are you scared of me?” He questions as he slowly caresses your face.

You let out a low whimper as you watch him, scared to even breathe.

“Why would I ever hit you? You’re my fiancé and I love you,” his voice is steady and cynical. You gulp down the lump in your throat as your lips quiver.

Your body is aching already from his tight hold and you wish you were braver.

“I would never hurt you again. Don’t you trust me?” he whispers into your neck as he starts kissing down your jaw. You shiver at his touch and don’t move.

“Isn’t that right? I would never hurt you again. I’m sorry I ever touched you like I did before. I was only upset. You forgive me, right?,” he whispers into your mouth as his lips hover over yours and he slowly kisses you. Fear is etched into every single fiber of your body and you don’t close your eyes as you watch him kiss your lips.

You let out a shaky breath as you move your lips against his as you try and think of what to do. How would you even get out of this situation?

He’s taller than you. He’s stronger and faster than you’ll ever be. You don’t think you’d be able to make it far. You don’t think you’d make it out the door without him catching you.

“And now you’re carrying my baby. I’m not ever going to hurt you again,” he whispers into your mouth as you cry silently.

What are you going to do now?

Harry couldn’t live with you.

He couldn’t eat. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t fucking think without you.

He couldn’t even fucking breathe without you.

His chest hurt from your absence in his life and he was trying so fucking hard to help you. But you wouldn’t let him in.

He tried calling, he tried texting, he tried staying outside of your house to get you to talk to him, but you just wouldn’t. He didn’t want to force you to remember and he didn’t want to physically take you away from your home.

He couldn’t do that to you. But he was terrified every single second of the day. He didn’t know what to do.

He tried talking to your family and seeing if they had spoken to you or seen you, but they said they hadn’t. They said you messaged them every day, but only simple worlds that you were okay and that you were recovering. And that you were tired and needed to be alone.

It was killing Harry. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

He was torn about what to do. Because he didn’t know what the fuck to do. How was he supposed to just take you away from your home? It would be basically kidnapping.

But he was scared that Asher was going to hurt you again. How was he supposed to know if he didn’t already?

He just wanted you to be okay. He just needed to see you. He just wanted to be with you.

He’d protect you. He’d love you. He’d keep you safe.

If only you’d let him.

And now you weren’t even speaking to him. You kept telling him to leave you alone and that everything that had happened between you two was a mistake.

How was he supposed to believe that? You are the love of his life.

He couldn’t give two fucks about Vivian and Asher.

Matter of fact, he called off his engagement with Vivian the second he got home from the hospital and she was out of his home the next day. She said she knew it was too good to be true and apparently fucked off to Paris.

Harry couldn’t bring himself to care because he was too worried about you. And he knew what he was doing wasn’t healthy. But what else is he supposed to do?

Kidnap you?

Take you away from your home and keep you in his?

Keep you in his home until you remember what Asher did to you? And make you leave him?

Maybe he should.

Harry’s eyes started burning as tears filled the brim of his eyes and he stumbles out a loud, frustrated sigh, because he’s so tired. He’s so fucking tired of crying!

He’s so upset at himself for not doing anything. He’s pissed off at the world. He’s pissed at himself. He’s pissed off at Asher for ever touching you and he’s pissed off at your brain for making you forget.

He wants to kill Asher. He wants to beat him to a pulp. He wants to make him hurt the way you hurt.

But how is he supposed to do that when you still believe he’s the golden boy you used to love?

Harry knows he’s not supposed to call you. He knows you probably won’t answer. You never do. Well, usually. But he misses your voice. He needs to hear your voice. He begs god that you remember and that you ask him to come for you. Please. He needs this.

He clicks on the first contact in his favorites list and his breathing almost hitches when he hears your voice.

“You have to stop calling me,” he hears your sweet voice whisper into the phone. His heart tightens in his chest.

He sniffles as he feels his lips quiver and he frowns, “Sun…”

“Harry. I’ve told you to stop calling me. You.. you can’t call me anymore. Whatever we had, it’s done. It-it’s over.”

He can hear your strangled breathing on the other side of the phone. His heart is thumping rapidly at your words. He pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Just please tell me why you’re still there! He hurt you! He did this to you. Why don’t you believe me?!” He yells into the phone trying not to get too upset. But he feels so much pain right now. He feels devastated. He just needs you to believe him. Why don’t you believe him?

He clutches his own chest as if he’s trying to console his own heart from the pain he’s feeling.

“What am I supposed to do, Harry? I-I don’t even know if it was him! I feel crazy! I feel insane! I-I feel insane for the way my brain is slowly making images of him doing this to me! How could—he didn’t.. How could he have done this to me?”

Harry listens to your rapid words and he aches for you. All he wants to do is take away everything you’re feeling. He wants to take away all your pain.

He begs god to give it to him instead. He can handle it. He can take it.

You can’t. He doesn’t know if he can save you from this. He wants to save you. And then it clicks.

He silently gasps when your words click in his own brain.

“You remember?”

He hears you groan into the phone before you speak again, “I don’t know what I remember! I-I don’t know what’s real or what’s fake. I just know that you need to stop calling me.”

Then, the line goes dead.

Harry stares at the phone in shock. His mind reels a million thoughts every second. What should he do?

He doesn’t even think before he shoves on some shoes and goes into his Range Rover.

He’s going to save you. Even if it kills him. He’s going to take you away from Asher.

And he hopes you forgive him for not coming sooner.

Tag list: @yellowtrain28 @sarcas-latte @st-ev-ie @ingrid-ingrid-ingrid @cherry01 @writinghost @that-daydream-look @marzhshaim

#harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles x female reader #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles x influencer!reader #harry styles writing #harry styles angst #harry styles au #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fan fic #harry styles #harry styles imagine #illicitaffairsau #harry styles cheating #harry styles smut #harry styles x y/n smut

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snowdropluck204 · 1 year

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You're My Prize - Shoto Todoroki x Mafia! Fem! Reader

Hello my lovelies! I have seen a few mafia AU fanfics, but in all of them, it was the reader who was all weak and helpless but no more! I hope you guys like this, it was just a random idea I got when I was listening to music! Enjoy!

As always, the tip button is at the bottom of the post, obviously it's completely optional but it's always appreciated!

Todoroki might seem a bit out of character, I assure you, this is on purpose!

Shoto pov

Restful sleep was not something I was massively used to, but this was relatively peaceful, at least it would have been if I wasn't moving around so much, 'Why am I moving around so much?' I thought to myself, trying my hardest to open my eyes only to wind up with a headache.

'Why? Why won't you open?' I cried in my head, starting to get frightened, my own body wasn't listening to me, I wanted to get up!

As I was thinking this, the rocking about began to soften, whatever I was moving in was coming to a slow stop, giving me some time to think properly. From what I could tell, I was in a car, but was I alone? I was warm, like someone had wrapped me in blankets and now that I was coming to, I could feel someone's arms wrapped around me, carrying me… Somewhere…

I don't know how long it had been since I felt myself being taken out of the car, but I was finally able to open my eyes, they were blurry and I somehow still felt tired but I tried to focus as I looked around the room I was in.

It was beautiful! I was shocked, I was unconscious, moved to an unknown location and now I was in a room that looked like it came directly from a fairy tale! I was lying in a four poster bed with the most comfortable sheets I've ever felt, clean white sheets. I moved to stand, beginning to look around more. The room was painted a pale blue colour, the floor, a plush white carpet, felt incredible under my bare feet.

I was so lost in where I was, I was startled by a gentle knocking on the door, rushing to lay back down in the comfortable bed. It was rare that anyone but Fuyumi knocked on my door, not after Touya came home… I tried to answer, or invite the person in, purely to sate my curiosity, but no words came out, my throat was sore and dry.

Luckily, I didn't have to say anything, the knocker came in anyway and I was immediately in awe. She was gorgeous! (h/c) hair that had a subtle shine, (e/c) eyes that glistened with a thousand different emotions, (s/t) skin that seemed to be completely flawless to me. Who was she? Did she bring me here?

She seemed to have not noticed that I was awake so I took some more time to observe her. She was wearing simple clothing, practical but cute, she was carrying a tray with some food and a jug of water, along with a glass. She wore a gentle smile on her face, she looked so calm and I couldn't help but want to reach out and touch her.

I was still stuck in my trance when she finally turned around to look at me, she jumped slightly, letting out a light laugh, before placing the tray that she nearly dropped on the bedside table next to me. She pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed, she was quiet for a while, before beginning to speak in a voice I would hear in my head until the end of time.

"I'm glad you finally woke up, I was getting worried, how are you feeling?" She asked me, I was touched, she didn't know me, or at least I didn't know her and yet here she was, trying to make sure I was okay. I nodded, not really giving a straight answer, instead staring longingly at the water I was too nervous to ask for.

The mystery woman seemed to realise what I was looking at, "Aw I'm sorry sweetie! I should've taken care of you as soon as I came in, here you are," Once again, her kindness made me feel warm and tingly. She poured me a glass of water, which I chugged down in a very messy way, if I wasn't so thirsty, I would probably be incredibly embarrassed, but I couldn't care less right now!

"Poor baby, you're parched huh?" She asked with her honey voice, she gave me the food she'd brought and I was so busy eating and drinking, I hadn't noticed her fingers running softly through my hair. She was obviously trying to soothe me and it was working, god it was working! I was unused to the affection even before Touya came home, but after that it was almost like I didn't exist.

When Touya, or then known as Dabi, returned to the family, our father realised just how powerful he had gotten, preferring to continue training him than me, at first, I didn't mind, until I realised the only reason he was relatively nice to me was because I had something to offer… I was completely abandoned, it would have been better if he'd left me on the streets! I'd become nothing more than a servant to my father and brother.

Once I'd finished eating, I was tired again, the feeling of soft skin against my scalp, the warmth through my hair accelerating my slumber. I looked up at the woman, she was smiling gently at me, I smiled back, it was almost a compulsion, I had to smile back. "I- I'm Shoto…" I whispered, hoping she could hear me, she seemed to.

"Hi Shoto, my name is (y/n)," Once again, her voice was intoxicating and her name… (y/n), beautiful.

(y/n) got a notification from her phone, pulling her hand back to check, I was almost ashamed with how I followed her hand, not wanting to be separated from her just yet, I had never felt this close to someone, I had also never blushed this much before. (y/n) sighed, staring at her phone before moving her enchanting gaze to meet my eyes again.

"I'm sorry honey, I've got to go, business." She didn't seem like she wanted to leave, which made me very happy, I wanted to spend more time with her too, but she had to go.

"Could I come?" I asked, trying not to seem too eager, I don't think I succeeded…

(y/n) chuckled softly, furthering my blush, she shook her head gently, "Not today baby, maybe next time, stay put, okay?" She spoke to me as though she were talking to a frightened child, she was babying me and I wasn't mad about it, it actually felt quite nice. I was curious to see what she did for a living. I personally thought she would run a flower shop, or a cat cafe, you know, something sweet and cute.

(y/n) left my side, after another ruffle of my hair and a forehead kiss which left me processing the event for another twenty minutes.

~ Two Hours Later ~

I know (y/n) told me to stay here, but I was getting bored! I wanted to explore and I didn't hear (y/n) lock me in here, so she was probably expecting me to leave…

I opened the door, trying to be as quiet as I could, I didn't know how many people were here and how dangerous they could be, I mean, even the hallways were huge, there were hundreds of different rooms! Surely (y/n) didn't live here, or own this entire building, she would have to be one of the richest, most powerful people in Japan!

I'd found a bunch of cool rooms, they were all gigantic! I saw an indoor pool, next to big windows showing an outdoor pool, there was a bathroom that could have been a spa directly across from the room I was left in and I managed to find an office that may as well have been a library!

I was used to living in a fairly luxurious home, but this was a lot to take in! I managed to finally find the staircase that led downstairs, if you could call them stairs, marble steps, extravagant banisters and lush red carpet spread all the way down. I was still barefoot as I was heading down the stairs, the marble giving me goosebumps.

As I was making my way through the hallways downstairs, I heard voices, some rather concerning voices. I heard a calm man's voice, seemingly reciting a list of actions another person in the room had committed.

"Mr. Fujima, you asked Mistress (l/n) to loan you a significant sum of money over a year ago, she agreed on the soul instance that you pay that money back plus interest, in the span of six months." The man's voice was cold and uncaring. 'What was I listening in on? I don't think it was safe for me to be snooping…'

There was the second voice, another man but not calm or cold, he was desperate and frightened, I assumed this was Mr Fujima, "Please! I'll have the money soon, I'm so close!" The man sounded fairly young. I managed to find the room the people were in.

In the room, I could see the face of Mr Fujima, kneeling on the floor, his hands together, begging forgiveness, I wasn't sure who to yet. I saw he was kneeling in front of a large chair, almost a throne in the centre of the room, but the chair was facing away from me, so I couldn't see the mysterious person sat in it. I could also see the broad back of the man who spoke earlier, he looked almost like a butler, wearing a long tailcoat and white gloves, standing next to the chair.

The cold man spoke once more, "Mr Fujima, if you respected my mistress, you would have paid back that money six months ago, instead you asked for an extension of time, that ended today. Instead of paying it back now, you ask for yet another extension. Mistress (l/n) is a patient woman and give second chances, but never a third."

The atmosphere in the room was tense and dangerous, I was scared for Mr Fujima, whatever was going on in there, seemed almost like someone borrowing money from the Yakuza… Was this beautiful building owned by mafia?

The person in the throne shifted, they let a dainty, black gloved hand into my vision, pausing the sobbing of the man in front of them. They began tapping on the arm of their chair, as though contemplating the man's fate.

"I don't give third chances, goodbye, Mr Fujima, your family will be cared for." They were a she, hence the dainty hand I suppose, but I know her voice from somewhere…

Whoever she was, she stood and got closer to Mr Fujima, two large men in suits grabbing him from behind and lifting him into standing, even from behind, the woman seemed very familiar, but I couldn't make out anything specific in the darkness of the room.

As she got closer to the weeping man, pulling off one of the gloves, she placed her hand against his chest. My eyes widened as it seemed to melt into his chest cavity, causing pained gasps to leave Mr Fujima. When she pulled out her hand, she had his heart contained between her fingers, which she began to squeeze until it became dust.

My Fujima's lifeless body fell to the floor. The butler man was immediately behind the woman with a handkerchief, removing the silver dust meticulously.

"It's such a shame I had to do that, but he was nothing but a scummy gambler, he could have paid that money back by working hard, instead he's a disappointment to his wife and children." The woman spat, even with the venom present, her voice was still gorgeous.

I was so entranced by her voice, I hadn't noticed my grip on the door slipping, I fell forward and into the room, the door creaking as though mocking my lack of stealth. The butler and the suited men shot their heads in my direction, leading to my body freezing in fear.

The woman turned to face me and I could finally see her from the front, if I wasn't already frozen, I would have been now. "(y/n)?" I stammered. It was her, she was wearing something far less simplistic than earlier, a suit and tie, minor jewellery and the gloves. But it was definitely her.

She gave me her sweet smile and, as much as I didn't want to after seeing what she had done, I felt my heart melt and my cheeks flush. "Hiya baby, now what are you doing there on the floor?" She asked, coming over to me slowly, as if she was trying to calm a fawn.

I was still stuck staring at her eyes, her beauty, she got close enough to place a hand on my face, softly cupping my cheek, I leaned in to her warm skin desperately. "You're mine now sweetie, I'll take good care of you." She whispered into my ear, I could feel her smirk against my skin as she left me there on the floor with the butler, but not before giving me another kiss, this time, a soft peck on the lips.

'What have I gotten myself into?'

_______________________________

I hope you guys like this! Let me know if you want a part two! And let me know if you want me to re-post this chapter in both male reader perspective and gender neutral!

#shoto todoroki #shoto todoroki x reader #x reader #cute #fanfiction #love #romance #bnha #mha #mafia au #mafia #alternate universe #soft dom #dom/sub #sweet #one shot #imagine

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andrew-nobody · 4 months

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Hello! I dunno if I'm gonna word this right so bear wit me please. But I'm curious.

I heard from a lot of systems that when there's a fictive they're WAAAYYY different than they were in the source.

What's that feel like? I mean... how do I explain? Like, you're suddenly... alive? Sorry if that's offensive, I unno a good word for what happens. Manifest?

And then you're seeing all this stuff about you but they're also kinna NOT about you personally?

Is that super overwhelming? How do you deal with that?

I hope that makes sense. I'm so bad at explaining and wording stuff.

Great question. Not offended, glad you asked. Just the way you’re asking gives me the impression that you get it.

It’s incredibly overwhelming! That’s a big reason I made this blog. Before the blog, I kind of walked into the Motel (the innerworld) with no sense of where I fit into it, let alone the world-at-large. But here, answering questions and stuff, it gives me direction, a purpose. A way to connect to my source, and all the people who love that source. And I want to contribute to that, because I feel like a part of it.

I am sort of suddenly alive. I suddenly exist. And the rules are different. Reality is different. I still have all of my memories from the game. That was all I knew before I “walked in.” Hell, I have memories that aren’t even in the game, but they’re blurry and hard to define until I explore them - kind of like that ask about if I’d ever want a pet.

More under cut….

I don’t want to say that I’m “WAYYY” different than my source. I’m kind of like an alternate reality version of that Andrew, I guess. Like, yeah… I fucking killed people and even ate them and also I didn’t do that because that happened in a game.

Would I kill someone now? Well, no, my circumstances are completely different for one thing. Also I don’t want to perpetuate a stereotype of an “evil alter” that can switch in and commit acts of violence. But when I put myself back in the headspace of my source and the exaggerated experience of fiction, I can still feel it. And when it comes to the play of an ask blog, why not do a little murder? Or whatever. Who’s it hurting?

When it comes to seeing people talking about a me that is not me, there’s definitely cognitive dissonance there. I just have to try to separate their experience and interpretation of the me that is a publicly-consumable character versus the me that is me.

For example, a lot of people are really into transgender/“genderbent”/femdrew/Andrea—whatever you want to call her. Seeing those interpretations give me some gender dysphoria, probably because the host of my system is trans masculine. But none of those interpretations are about me. So it’s simple, I just keep scrolling. I move along. Trans Andrew is just as valid as I am. And I know every version of me is important to the person that version is stemming from, and it says more about them than it does about me.

As for suddenly being in a system full of people I don’t know. It kind of sucks! Everyone here can read my mind?! I’m not used to that kind of lack of privacy, and I used to live with Ashley so that’s saying something! And I’m not the only fictive here, either. (There are fucking Teen Titans here? Lmfao??) And that’s difficult because, you know, we don’t all get along.

Anyway that was a LOT longer than I meant it to be. Kind of a whole vent post! Hope you don’t mind, Anon.

If you see this, feel free to shoot me a DM? I’m happy to talk more about this in detail (though I guess I already have…). Hope to hear from you.

Thanks so much.

#fictive #plural system #plurality #introject #osdd system #osdd #answered asks #anon

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sanddusted-wisteria · 9 months

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Adventures in MTAS datamining (pt. 1/?: art assets)

Because I am incredibly normal about this game, I’ve been poking around in the game’s files (and MTAP’s, too) pretty much ever since I got it. Unity games are pretty easy to datamine, since tools are already out there, which is incredibly fortunate for fueling the hyperfixation. I wanted to share some of the more interesting things I’ve found on my travels. Spoiler warning: There are some midgame spoilers below (i.e. starting with the water tower). There’s also one thing that might be a future spoiler, which is at the very end and marked accordingly.

General disclaimer: If you’re curious to try datamining out yourself, feel free to ask me for how-to’s, but please be careful! Never edit the game’s files directly. Make copies and back up your save files. You’ll also need a good amount of RAM (I recommend at least 16 GB) to be able to handle tools like AssetStudio, since you’ll be loading assets directly into memory. And MTAS has a lot of assets. You may also encounter unreleased future content in there...so preemptive spoiler warning for that as well.

Since there’s so much to dig through, this post will only focus on some of the art/visual things. These can either be found under StreamingAssets > AssetBundles, or StreamingAssets > AssetBundles > art_asset. I can’t really comment too much on the 3D assets (meshs, textures) since I don’t know too much about modeling, but here are some other interesting things I found!

Cutscene thumbnails

You can find thumbnails of the cutscenes without the builder in them. The in-game album uses different thumbnails, which look like screenshots taken when it’s playing for the first time (hence why skipping a cutscene won’t put it in your album). Some of them actually really nice. Wallpaper-worthy, even.

The one they use for the kidnapping cutscene is incredible.

(ask people who don’t play mtas to caption this image.)

Newspaper photos

In The Tumbleweed Standard, the monthly issues are accompanied by these photos. Something about the filter makes it look pretty. Here are my personal favorites:

Family photos

You ever wanted to see the photos in the NPCs’ houses up close? Now you can! They’re all super sweet. Welllll, most of them.

(My favorite one’s the one with babby Heidi 😭 [far right, midway down])

It’s still unfortunately kinda blurry, since they’re meant to show up pretty small in-game. Hopefully you’re still able to see them.

Here’s a bit of a buffer before the last thing I have to show, since it’s probably the one thing that could be a future spoiler. If it is, it’s probably fairly minor. Hop off now if you don’t want that.

Fine with maybe being spoiled? Alright, here we go...

Lastly, I leave you with a forbidden image:

...I’m sorry, who is this???

So, uh...Qi has an alternate set of character art. No other character has one (except Elsie for story reasons). I assume this’ll be a DLC outfit, like those in MTAP? Kinda weird how only one would be loaded into the files so far. The asset name doesn’t really give any pointers, it’s just marked as “Qi2″. It only exists as character art, no model or texture or anything like that.

So is this past Qi? Future Qi?? Qi for one day if he’s forced to wear something nice for a change??? It looks like the neat and complete version of his normal outfit. You can see the same shirt and tie, same pants (except they aren’t rolled up at the ankles anymore?), same shoes. I’m also just now noticing that his suit jacket’s the same color as the mobile suit, haha funni joke. Again, not a single other character besides Elsie has an alternate outfit yet in these files. What is this for?! I have no fuckin clue, but I can say that Qi cleans up pretty nicely 👀

(kinda wish he kept the messy hair, tbh. doesn’t really look right without it)

And that’ll wrap up this little datamining dive! I’ll probably come back to the art in the future, once more gets added, or if I find some other things to share. In the next parts, I’ll be showing off some of the audio and text data, but I do want to wait until future game updates for some of it. Hope you found this as interesting as I do!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to continue reeling from the psychic damage that full-suited Qi’s done to my poor little brain.

ETA: i just realized that it looks like the fucking onceler’s outfit. i am deeply sorry for putting the image of onceler qi in your head

or am i

Edit 2: Unfortunately, as of several beta builds pre-release, full suit Qi has largely been removed. The full art version isn’t in the files anywhere, but there are still some map icons of him. Not sure if this is something for postgame content or a romantic mission they didn’t have time to add. We’ll have to see :P

ngl i kinda prefer scruffy qi over this lol

#my time at sandrock #mtas spoilers #datamining #long post #other shady business

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many-but-one · 2 years

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Child Alters are not always "Sweet and Innocent"

Sorry if this comes off rude or inflammatory, we're pretty blurry and this is something we've seen in syscourse allllll over Tumblr and instagram and what have you. This topic came up in our System Server which is what inspired us to create this post. (the system support server is still open to new members, FYI, hence me linking it there lol)

I think there's a really really big misconception that all child parts (also called "littles" but we usually say "child parts/alters" or "kid parts/alters" for our own comfort) are so sweet and UwU innocent in every single system ever and that if you don't treat child alters like literal children you are a BAD system and you don't respect child alters!!! Protect the children!!! *insert sobbing emoji*

So it should go without saying, obviously you should protect child alters. You should protect any alters in your system. But there's more to child alters than "UwU sweet babies who are so innocent and do silly little things like spend money on candy and stuffies haha!"

(TW ahead for mentions of suicide, s/h, and NSFW related topics. I'm sure you can see where this is going.)

There are child alters who:

function better than most adult alters in a system. We have child alters who can drive, who can send work emails, who have gone to work, etc. They have far more maturity than a lot of parts in our system and have been around the longest out of most of us. Do they still sometimes sound or talk like a kid? Yeah. Do they still enjoy kid things? Yeah! But they share an adult brain and are perfectly capable of functioning and masking just like any other part in the system.

are persecutors. I don't mean like "this child alter won't listen to me" or "they're a brat haha!" I mean persecutor child alters that actively harm the body, actively harm physical property outside of the body, actively harm parts inside the inner world, etc. They can have rage issues, they can be incredibly depressed, they can be suicidal or desire self harm activities. They are just as capable as any other alter to pick up a bottle of alcohol and drink until blackout drunk. Just because they look like a kid internally does not mean they are sweet and cute and innocent all the time.

are very hypersexual. Do I think that you should let them do sexual things with adults? In our system, no, we don't allow that. However, I can't control how other system young alters cope because I'm not in their head. Yes, child alters can be hypersexual. This is often a result of trauma. They will often want to reenact their trauma memories. They might get you into dangerous situations with strangers. They might have risky sex. They might masturbate in extremely painful ways in order to reenact their trauma. Child alters are not perfectly abstinent little babies who don't know what sex is. If they have sexual trauma, they will likely NOT know proper boundaries with adults and they can put you in a risky sexual situation just as much as literally any other alter in the system.

are protectors. gatekeepers, or caretakers. Child alters don't just have to sit there and be "stereotypical kids" all the time. They don't have to sit and wallow in trauma or play with their toys in the inner world 24/7. A lot of highly capable young alters want to do something to help the system. If they didn't already "come" with their job (for example, gatekeepers often 'come' with that label when they split/form, but not always) it's perfectly normal for them to step into a more "useful" role in the system. For those of you who have EVER worked with younger kids, they freaking LOVE to help. They love to feel useful and help out. This is the exact same in a system. We have child caretakers. And that's something they chose, we didn't "force" them.

And the thing is......something a lot of people don't want to hear.............sometimes alters (of any age) have to do roles or jobs they don't like. I know, bonkers isn't it. Sometimes nobody else is suited for a job like another alter is. We have parts who are really good at being emotionally level. Do they like fronting a lot? No! However, if we're in a highly emotional situation, out they go. Or we have another part who's really good at handling our chronic pain and taking care of the body. Does he like it? No, why would you want to feel chronic pain all the damn time? However, he knows he's the best at the job and does it anyway. Like any team in the external world, there's just going to be some jobs that some folks don't like but will have to do anyway. Does that mean they have to be stuck doing that job forever? No! Things change in systems all the time, roles should never be locked in for life. Sometimes new splits happen or new alters are discovered who do the job even better or even prefer to do the jobs nobody else likes. However, it's absolutely ridiculous to assume that all parts love their job, and that doesn't exclude child parts. We know systems with child gatekeepers who don't like their job, but that's all they've ever known and they wouldn't be comfortable letting anyone else do their job. Which is totally fine and valid. I don't think I've ever met a gatekeeper of any age who likes their job, they just do it. It just is.

Idk it just puts a bad taste in my mouth to see SO MANY posts infantilizing child alters everywhere. And I do want to say that I'm not trying to invalidate those sweet and innocent child alters! They are totally cool and awesome and so valid! We have a couple of those too! However, I feel like nobody ever talks about the fact that child alters are not innocent babies all the time, that MOST child alters are incredibly traumatized individuals and are just as capable of being toxic OR helpful as any other part in the system.

-----

This should go without saying, but DDlg or NSFW or non-system agere blogs stay the FUCK away from this post! <3

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laf-outloud · 1 year

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//Oh, I don't think it's all on the AAs. In fact, Jensen rarely interacts with them. I think there are plenty of people(mainly the SPN extras, including a few SPN crew), who've boosted his already-present ego by sucking up to him thinking he can get them places in the business. //

What I don't understand is why. Why did so many of the extras and crew (Set design guy, singer, etc) have such a boner for Jensen? I admit he has charm when he wants to. Hell, I started off the show preferring Dean and Jensen, but what I’ve enjoyed is going back through episodes and watching how Jared improves and grows as an actor. I love watching Sam now and find Jared captivating at times, and I find it infuriating how often Jared is blurry in the background in later seasons. Similarly, with cons, I used to love listening to Jensen, but as I really listened, and saw more cons, I realized that he spends most of his time humble-bragging or just bragging-bragging. Jared is the more engaging one, the one who can handle a crowd on his own, the one who cares (as much as a stranger can care about people they meet for seconds), the one who doesn’t talk himself up constantly. Why do so many fans not see this? Or are they just shallow and don’t care? Or they are jealous because the need Jensen to be the "special" one? If so, why?

Partly, it could be Jensen’s looks that get him a pass, but it’s Hollywood, and most people are attractive. Jared is attractive, and he works at maintaining a good physique on top of it. Jensen had some great acting moments as Dean and can really tug at the heart strings, but Jared has range and is a smart actor. Is it just the "flashiness" of the rogue type character that Jensen usually plays that appeals to people?

Obviously, the greater industry knows what’s up, or at least they put huge stalk in actors with first billing, because Jared was the one who got the job offer before his show even ended. Jared was practically wooed into joining Walker because they wanted him so bad. If other industry people value Jared so highly, what the hell is wrong with so many people on Supernatural that they downplay his impact, talent, and intelligence? They constantly write him off. It’s so frustrating! Is Jensen just an incredible suck-up?

I’m so sorry for how long this got. It didn’t start as a rant., I swear.

No worries, anon. I'm long-winded myself so I often find my short posts turning into Tumblr essays.

I think you nailed part of it on the head with your last question: Is Jensen just an incredible suck-up? He's mentioned in the past about being grateful Jared had top billing because that meant Jared had all the responsibility, and if there was an issue, he'd get Jared to address it while he lurked in the background. And you mentioned Jensen's charm. Even fans who aren't so keen on him have mentioned that it's vey disarming when he turns it on. But I think the main draw is that he's more accessible than Jared. Jensen's 'star power' is much closer to the cast and crew who hang on to him. Jared's just out of their league.

There's also the idea other bloggers have tossed around that the crew didn't think Jared was as reliable due to his mental health issues and were worried that his issues would cause them to lose their job. Obviously, it didn't happen for more seasons than most shows get, but I think Jared was the one who decided to end SPN which likely created resentment for those using SPN as their money train.

But for those actors who already had careers outside of SPN, Jared's been very welcoming because he knows they'll appreciate the work without trying to use him for their own gain.

#ask box #anti spn extras #anti jensen #jared's star power

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comfortjoonie · 1 year

Text

PART TWO!

here's part two of the namjoon sickfic requested by @kaisah09 !

hope you enjoy. part one is my most recent post!

tw: emeto, sickness, yelling

Namjoon was sleeping for almost all of the ride to the interview. No one had expected it – they assumed he’d just get horribly carsick. But he was able to sleep, and Jungkook was able to put enough foundation on him so that he looked normal. No one wanted to wake him up when they arrived, but they had to. Again, they helped him out of the car and into their seats in the interview room. The interviewer was already there.

“Are we ready to get started, then?” he asked in Japanese, and Namjoon translated for the rest of the members, who nodded. All of Namjoon’s dongsaengs watched in awe as Namjoon gave the approval for the livestream to start. He was so sick, but he was incredible at hiding it and acting like a leader when he needed to.

Namjoon answered the questions smoothly, translating back and forth. He badly wanted to put a hand over his aching stomach, but he couldn’t. Aching wasn’t even the right word, though. HIs stomach was trying to kill him. The pain was so overwhelming that his vision was blurry. But he pushed on.

Until the interviewer asked a question, and Namjoon wasn’t able to respond. He couldn’t process it. The only thing he could think about was the pain.

“Kim-san,” the interviewer said. “Are you going to answer the question? You’re the leader after all, right?” Namjoon squeezed his eyes shut.

“Sorry, what was the question?”

The interviewer laughed. “You know, for a leader, you can be kind of absentminded at times. Pay more attention for your members.” Namjoon swallowed and translated for his members. He watched as Yoongi’s face grew to fury.

“Sorry. Can you just repeat the question?” Namjoon asked.

The interviewer nodded and repeated it, but halfway through it, Namjoon moaned and doubled over in pain. “Kim-san, focus,” the interviewer said, this time in Korean.

Yoongi stood up. “We’re going home.” He didn’t care if it was a livestream. This interviewer was making Namjoon’s life so much worse, embarrassing him on livestream, and Yoongi wouldn’t have it. Namjoon put his head in his hands, trying not to cry.

“Wait–” the interviewer said in Korean.

“I said, we’re going home. Don’t talk to me,” Yoongi snarled at the interviewer, and everyone stood up with him besides Namjoon. Jin approached Namjoon and helped him up, bringing his head out of his hands and wrapping his arms around himself and Jungkook.

Namjoon tried to walk, but he was so shaky and dizzy that he couldn’t. The world was spinning. The nausea was rising fast. “B-bathroom,” he mumbled.

The interviewer pointed down at the hall. Yoongi shot him one last glare, and Jimin mouthed a “thank you”. Everyone followed Namjoon, Jungkook, and Seokjin down the hall and to the bathroom. They placed Namjoon in front of the toilet, and he started vomiting instantly. Somehow, there was more left. He was coughing, sputtering, and crying in between gags, and Seokjin winced every time. His face turned white, even showing through the foundation, and he vomited more every time with each gag. Everyone but Seokjin was too shocked and frozen to comfort Namjoon. Jin patted his back and whispered words of comfort to him. It went on for what felt like forever. Every time Namjoon could catch a two minute break, he’d come back gagging harder. At least 20 minutes had passed before Seokjin decided it needed to end.

“Ok, Namjoonie. We’re done. You’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep doing this.” He flushed the toilet, and Namjoon sobbed. “Sh, it’s ok Nam. We’re gonna go home now.” Namjoon nodded and Seokjin wiped his mouth with a tissue before helping him up again.

They were only three steps out of the building before the cameras started flashing and the paparazzi were crowding their leader. “Aish,” Yoongi muttered. “Just don’t look. Keep your eyes forward. Don’t answer any questions.”

Namjoon tried not to sob. How much more embarrassing could this get? He was barely able to walk, completely leaning on Seokjin and Jungkook, until his stomach cramped the worst yet and he started to collapse. Seokjin and Jungkook were able to keep him on his feet, but Namjoon was sobbing again in pain. “Taehyung, put him on your back,” Seokjin instructed, and Taehyung did so. He could feel Namjoon shaking with sobs against his back, and he tried his best not to cry with him. He could already see the articles: BTS’s leader storms out of interview after an emotional breakdown, Kim Namjoon was carried to the car by his members after a fit of injury or sickness, BTS member breaks down in tears outside of interview… he couldn’t stand to think about it. The car was already waiting for them, and Taehyung opened the door. There was no time to think or debate seating arrangements. He placed Namjoon in the middle row of the limo with him. Everyone else followed, climbing into the car.

“To the dorms?” the driver said.

“Yes,” Seokjin said. It was only a twenty minute drive, but it felt longer with everyone’s eyes on Namjoon. He was shaking and pale, and if he wasn’t sitting, they’d be scared he’d collapse at any moment and seriously injure himself. Namjoon’s eyes were open, staring at nothing in particular, and an arm was crossed over his stomach. He didn’t look bloated or nauseous anymore, just uncomfortable and in pain. Which was a huge improvement. But what confidence and order he’d had during the interview had disappeared completely, leaving an empty and exhausted Namjoon.

Yoongi was still seething with anger over the interviewer. No one should talk to Namjoon like that, when he worked so hard, even through such bad sickness – it wasn’t fair. He knew Namjoon probably wasn’t mad, but he was. He’d be giving the managers a piece of his mind for hiring someone like that.

But for now, he needed to take care of Namjoon. He rubbed Namjoon’s shoulder gently. “How are you feeling?”

Namjoon inhaled. “It hurts.” Yoongi frowned.

“I know, Joon. We’ll give you some more painkillers back at the dorms.”

“Yeah, hyung,” Jimin chimed in. “We’ll get you some more medicine too.” Namjoon nodded slowly, exhaustedly.

“I’m tired.”

“You can sleep.”

Namjoon shook his head. “It hurts too much.” Jimin sighed.

“You can just rest your head on Taehyung’s shoulder for the ride, right, Tae?” Taehyung nodded, and Namjoon rested his head, sighing softly. Taehyung patted his head. The car was still so tense with worry in the maknae line and anger in the hyung line. Namjoon was in the middle of it all, and he felt guilty for both sides.

When the car pulled up, Namjoon surprisingly seemed to be more at peace. But it went away as soon as he stood up again. Tears poked at his eyes. He couldn’t get over the pain, it was the worst he’d ever had. This was the worst part about food poisoning. He was lifted onto Taehyung’s back again and carried all the way to his bed as Jin grabbed him painkillers. He gently put them in his dongsaeng’s mouth and Namjoon chewed and swallowed.

“I’ll go get some plain broth,” Jimin said, and Taehyung and Jungkook followed.

“Seokjin-hyung, I need to talk to you outside quickly,” Yoongi said. Namjoon glanced with worry, but Hoseok smiled at him.

“It’s ok, they’ll be back.” The two oldest walked out of the room, but Namjoon could still hear them whisper-shouting. Yoongi was insisting that the company should find a way for the interviewer to get fired, but Jin didn’t want revenge. He wanted to keep everything as quiet as possible. Hoseok rubbed Namjoon’s shoulder.

“Do you feel any better? Not nauseous anymore?” he asked, and Namjoon nodded.

“Just hurts,” he said softly.

Hoseok looked at his watch. “The painkillers should work soon. Then you can sleep.” The 94-liners sat in silence for a few seconds until they heard shouting. Namjoon squeezed his eyes shut.

“Hyung, I TOLD you this already, and you didn’t listen to me. You’re just like that interviewer, you know? You won’t even stand up for Nam–”

“Do NOT talk to me like that. You’re being dramatic and protective. It was just a mistake–”

“It WASN’T a mistake. He embarrassed Namjoon! He embarrassed my best friend when he was vulnerable! He needs to be fired–”

“YOU need to calm down.” Jin lowered his voice. “This will all work out in the end. If you don’t calm down right now, I’m kicking you out of the dorm. Namjoon does not need this stress-”

“Kick me out of the dorm?! Are you–”

Namjoon put his head down. “It’s ok, Joon. They’re not mad at you,” Hoseok said.

“It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not.”

Hoseok was interrupted by a loud shout.

“I will kick you out of this dorm whenever the hell I want, I am your SUPERIOR–”

“Oh, so you’re right because you’re older? I’ve known Namjoon longer than you have, and I know that–” “I know that you better watch your damn mouth Yoongi before I make sure that you don’t get to speak to Namjoon until he’s better.”

“You can’t do that–”

“YES I CAN!” There was a long pause. “You will not talk to me this way. Ever again. You will go inside, you will help Namjoon get changed into his pajamas, and you will NOT speak to me until you’re ready to respect your hyung.”

They heard the slam of a door and a loud sigh before footsteps walked away. Namjoon was still looking down. What had he done? That was the angriest he’d ever heard Jin before. And it was his fault.

When Jin walked back in, he had a smile on his face. “How are we feeling?” Namjoon felt awkward talking to him after that crazy argument that Seokjin had no idea he heard.

Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook walked in with the bowl of broth and a spoon. “Where’s Yoongi?” Jimin asked.

“He’s in his room. He’s just resting for a bit, he’ll be back,” Jin lied.

“Oh. Alright.” Jimin handed the bowl to Namjoon, and Namjoon took a sip. “Good?” Namjoon nodded. For the first time today, eating didn’t make him feel nauseous.

Yoongi walked back in while Namjoon was still sipping the bowl, and he came back with a smile. “You should change when you’re done with that, Namjoon.”

Namjoon got about halfway through the bowl, nodding, but that was when Seokjin gently took it from him. “You can’t drink all that, you might be sick again. Just get some rest for now, ok?”

Namjoon nodded. “I can try.”

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pykanico · 5 months

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Day 13 - First Train

Fic if you want to read every posted day : https://archiveofourown.org/works/51386731/chapters/129854215

The soft rumble of the vehicle was smoothing, it felt as relaxing, even more as he would have imagine, How did he live without this incredible work of art, How did most of the wild Pokemon avoid going near a train in the first place!? That doesnn't make any sense!! No wonder Emmet used to be obsessed with them, It is fantastic!! incredible, nothing could ever explain his new found interest in train!!

“Emmet?”

Zorua Emmet could only feel his eyes sparkling at this feeling, his hand shaking with excitement, He probably don't liked them as strongly as his friend's, but he now had a taste of why he loved them so much! Emmet turned his head to look Ingo with a large smile.

“Ingo, this is fantastic! This train is incredible!!”

Ingo nodded at that, his own, sort of, smile on his face, moving his hand with excitement too, his eyes glittering with a twin enjoyment.

“I know Emmet, it is an incredible train, but I have to say you look like it is the first time you get on a train”

Emmet tried to not grimace, because it was the first time he had got on a train, He knew more facts and largo about trains than he had experience with them, He never got the chance to take a look at Anville town trains when they were still living there for....good reason.... trying to not think to much about that, he tilt his head with a mischievous look.

“You look like it is the first time too for you, you are verrrry excited about this, even more than me”

That seemed to fluttered slightly Ingo, stuttering immediately at the realization that yes, he was in fact sharing the same amount of joy as Emmet, who, unknowing of him, never got on a train, That was enough for the latter to pull a bit on the thread that his older twin accidentally gave to him.

“Big brother, I am wounded, I am Emmet and my brother is a hypocrite~”

“E-Emmet!”

As Emmet chuckled loudly, ready to come back with another thing to the misery of his older brother, someone's cough caught the attention of the twin, turning to see sitting in the seat next to them, Elesa, the two looking at her sheepishly as they both forgot about her presence.

“Guys, I know that you are more than excited about this ride on the train, but can you both stop bickering that loudly, I think that all the cars could hear”

The two boys looked at each other, before talking a bit more quietly, This time not only Ingo, but Emmet was embarrassed by how noisy they were.

“I apologize, Me and Emmet got derailed from our track, we did not want to cause any disturbance!”

“Sorry Elesa! We did not attend to disturb anyone!”

Their friends simply laughed it off, trying to match their energy about the train ride, and as the three started to talk all together, mostly interesting facts about this train, Emmet couldn't stop himself from looking outside from to time to time, just to observe the blurry view outside, He really liked train.

#pokemon #pokemon au #zoroark emmet au #ao3 #my fic #submas #ao3 fanfic #novembmas #subway boss emmet #subway boss ingo #gym leader elesa #Illusion of Replacement AU

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kiwikiwiandkiwi · 2 years

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Hi! Fairly new larrie here. Can I ask why you don’t like Olivia Wilde? It makes sense for the relationship to be for publicity, in which case I assume they are both getting what they want out of the deal? I was wondering if I missed something

Oh boy, you must be really, really new here.

For starters, it's hard to like someone who is actively helping closet a person, you know?

I think this stunt was a hard blow to a lot of us. When DWD was announced, everybody was thrilled, I was over the moon, Harry was going to act again, this time in a thriller directed by a woman with an incredible cast, so people were happy. Then came the news that Olivia and Jason had split up (and I even remember seeing people joking that they'd put Harry and Olivia together after that) and yet, even after so many signs (that so many of us failed to notice) that this stunt was happening, it still caught us by by surprise. And thus started the worst stunt Harry has ever been a part of.

People were angry and disappointed the minute the first pics of them came out. It was a pandemic and they were in a wedding, she's older than him, she was in a position of power over him, it looked like he did an under the table deal for the role (Harry hadn't been in any film other than Dunkirk back then), not to mention Harry had been moving further and further away from his het and womanizer image, especially with the Vogue cover where he was in a dress and also with the TPWK mv. So, yeah, no one was happy with it.

And since the beginning nobody believed in this "relationship", not even his het fans (with exceptions, of course, but still). Their teams tried to sell this stunt with pap walk after pap walk, and when people started calling out how fake it looked (and also because it was in the middle of a pandemic) they toned down with those, and the ~~organic sightings~~ started. And a pattern also begun. Fans would say Harry and Olivia were always far from each other, then there would be a new set of pics where Harry had his arms around her, or that Harry looked miserable with her, and in the next pic he was smiling (looking miserable still), and so on. And this was happening all the time! If Harry having a beard wasn't annoying enough, they were throwing this stunt down our throats all the fucking time, and almost two years later (!!!) we are still having to deal with this, they won’t let us take a breath. She's in almost every show he has, in between the shows now it's almost certain we are gonna get ~~blurry~~ pictures of them walking around on the most public places they can find (but HEY, they are a private couple, please respect that). And let's not forget that Harry knows how to go MIA.

And all this is happening because of DWD. It's promo. Olivia made a huge deal with Warner (can't find the post right now, sorry) and she's doing everything she can to promote this movie - except for believing in her own talent and ability as a professional director. She has been relying on Harry’s womanizer image and on his fans by making them believe they get to watch him having sex and going down on a woman in theaters. That's literally how she has been selling this movie. You can see by the way the other actors don't talk or post much about it. Because Olivia made it all about her and Harry. And I get it. I too would be upset if something I worked hard on was reduced to that. Even Florence is speaking out about it now (the Harry x Olivia x Florence dynamic is a whole other thing that just goes to show how bad this whole thing has been).

And there's also the whole fiasco between Olivia and Jason dragging their kids into this already messy mess. And also the fact that Olivia is a bad person in general (should've answered with just that instead of making a huge ass post about it lol), calling herself a feminist, but doing the exact opposite of what a feminist does, claiming to be an ally which LOL she's literally helping closet Harry, and she also compared her directional debut as her coming out of the closet, etc, etc... She wants to sell an image of her being cool, a mom almost in her 40s that doesn't let that define her, after all she’s dating a rock star!! She’s having fun! Fuck society for saying older women can’t have that!! And well, I’m all for that… but the truth is that it just comes across as embarrassing and desperate.

So yeah, I guess this sums up a little bit. Of course Harry is not free of charges here (this is an interesting post about it), even though we can't know why he agreed to this whole thing, we have to accept that he did agree to be a part of it somehow. All I know is that Harry's goals are very different then hers (and he has proven to be a good person over and over again). This is going to be just another stunt in Harry's pocket but for Olivia... I'm not saying she's going to be unsuccessful, but she needs this movie to do well, which even though the whole story and script looks messy and all bad in general, the movie still might be a comercial success, and that is her goal at the end of the day. But she won't always have Harry to carry her name around. And as far as I'm aware, she hasn't done anything since DWD and doesn't even have any other project on her near future. Right now, she only has DWD to promote and the way she finds to promote is.... by going to another concert. LOL. She's literally only relying on Harry.

What a wasted opportunity, huh? She had all the elements to have a huge successful movie and yet... She chose the easy way out. Using a big name like Harry to get attention to the movie, making sure to link herself to that big name and making everything about her... But I guess that's what being greedy and self-centered does to you.

#asks #holivia #dwd promo #olivia wilde #i feel like there's so much more to be said lol

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wildflowerteas · 1 month

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hey, hello. i’m not sure if you’ll recognize me, but this is mania.sama on ao3, and i just now found your tumblr on my for you page. i havent had tumblr very long, and it’s surprised just how many people i’ve enjoyed works of (writing, drawings, etc) are here. especially surprised to see you — not in a bad way, of course!

i’m not sure what to say. sorry, maybe, for not reading / up to date with your current fic. i want to be reading it, i really do, but i was caught up reading “crime and punishment”, focusing on my academia, etc, among other issues that’s kept me away from committing to any long-form fanfictions. i wasn’t even reading one-shots or writing anything for a little while. hopefully i will be getting back onto your fic so, because from what little i’ve read already when you first posted it, it’s going to be life-changing.

i want to say more, i think. ask a question or two? i’m just very excited to see that your also drawing — amazing artwork for the second perspective!! i genuinely couldn’t believe it was real at first — and also a similar age to me, which i find nearly unbelievable due to your insane talent and skill.

hm. i think i’ll ask this question: what are your top favorite books? this could be fanfiction, short-form stories, novels, series, etc. you can list as many as you want; if they seem significant to you, have changed you, or were simply that well done and enjoyable. you dont need to treat this as a book recommendation; think not what other people should read. just express your own thoughts on why you have chosen these works as your favorite! i’m excited to see what you have to say (should you chose to answer, of course!)

again, hopefully i will read the second perspective soon <3 thank you so much for all the work you’ve done so far.

OH MY GOD IT'S YOUUU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to start this off by saying you quite literally changed my life. I go back from time to time and I read our little conversation in my comments threads and I get a little teary-eyed ( embarrassingly ). You gave me such a different perspective on my own writing and I've spent a while wishing there was something I could do to make you feel the same way in return. Do NOT apologize for not reading it!!! I'm absolutely in awe and so grateful you enjoyed the first one so much and if you enjoy TSP too that would actually make my head spin. Also, we're the same age?????? Hello?????? I'm so glad to hear about your life in the interim, though. I hope you enjoyed Crime and Punishment ( isn't it so good??? ). Also, you briefly mentioned writing yourself, so I may have to go back and stalk your profile for your works now.

Hmmm . . . to answer your question. This is pretty difficult because I've loved a lot of books over the years for nothing specific at all ( some of them are quite ridiculous if I'm being honest ). But here goes nothing:

When I was little ( maybe three-four ish? ), I loved Tumtum & Nutmeg, a series about a mouse couple living inside of a refurbished cupboard, because the books always came with recipes at the back ( that I would make for my family ). When I think about reading/my favorite books when I was a child, I always go back to this blurry rose-colored vision of me sitting on the couch at seven a.m., Tuesday morning, waiting to go to school, and talking my mother's ear off about the pastries in the book while Planet Earth plays on the TV. Lately, though, I've enjoyed reading Breasts and Eggs by Kawakami Mieko. Which, for a lot of reasons, has deeply resonated with me and kind of ruined my life. Womanhood in Japan, and womanhood in general, is dissected so well and explored with a lot of different character perspectives. It's just an incredible work and deeply personal to me as a queer, Japanese, and afab person. Empire of Pain, which was recommended to me by a friend, has become one of my favorite books as well. I've never really done well with non-fiction, but reading about the Sacklers definitely changed that. No Longer Human, and School Girl by Dazai Osamu. NLH I read in a school context ( Japanese language-learning classes ) and I wasn't really allowed to love it because of that ( who likes required reading? ). But I went back to it a few years later, when I was really struggling mentally, and it became something to me that I can't quite name or place. Not really a comfort. I'd actually say it was more of a wake-up call to teen me that actually prompted me to seek out help and rip down the fourth wall I'd put up between myself and others. School Girl I love for more technical reasons. Dazai really was a once-in-a-century talent. Poor Folk, by Fyodor Dostoevsky, was my reading-for-enjoyment book during spring semester of my first year at college. I loved a lot about it, but it's on this list because I'm emotionally attached to the characters because we were together for so long. On a less serious note: Bungo Stray Dogs ( Obviously, despite whatever Asagiri is cooking up) and Yona of the Dawn by Kusanagi Mizuho. Next to BSD, it's one of the manga I've been a fan of for over a decade, and I just could not imagine my life without it. Flowers for Algernon. I read this . . . oh gosh. Years ago. And I never reread it. That's all I'll say about that. Kira-Kira by Cynthia Kadohata. Again, a Japanese author ( there would be more, but I'm keeping myself contained here ) who would have thought? I think, by now, it's pretty clear I'm Japanese myself. Kira-Kira ( a Japanese onomatopoeia/mimetic word meaning 'sparkling' ) was a tearjerker, yes, but it also made me look out into the world and at my own identity with a much kinder lens. I fell in love with my own name ( which is the mimetic word for 'smile' --- niko-niko ) all over again. And I think, for that, it makes the list.

Honestly, I'm not sure these are my favorites. They're just the ones that come to my mind when I think about reading and liking literature in general. I'm sure if I was an English major or a CompLit major ( or if I was feeling particularly pretentious today ), I'd have more to say about them in terms of actual 'quality' or about their themes, but I don't.

I also want to say thank you so much for reaching out and asking this!! it's been so fun ( especially since I just got done writing a mind-boggling mess of a chapter for TSP hehe ). I really enjoyed talking to you the first time around and now that you're here on tumblr!!! I hope we can interact more I'd really love to be friends :,) <3 tysm agh. I hope you're having the loveliest of days. niko <3

#ask #writing

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alara-kahya · 2 months

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"Things end, that's all. Everything ends, and it's always sad. But everything begins again, and that's always happy." - 12th Doctor.

Self Para: Post break-up, 3 days later. Involved: Jayden Cross (deceased), her mom & Kian. Mentions: Nate Donovan & Emiri Tezel. Location/s: Cemetery & her home. Triggers: Death, grief, heartache.

"So, yeah, that's it. Sorry to come and bring bad news, I just... Well, selfishly I guess I thought it would help." Sighing as she sat on the ground in front of Jayden's grave, she tucked her knees into her chest and decided to just wallow for a minute. It was day three since Nate had walked out and aside from this right here, she hadn't told anyone. Not her mom, not even Emiri. What was she supposed to say? "I don't know how to talk about it with anyone else, or maybe I'm just scared to." Yeah, that felt more accurate. Alara had worked so incredibly hard over the years to shape herself into a strong and confident woman, it was difficult for her to show that she was still capable of being hurt. "I know what you'd say, I even know what you'd do, you would hug me and tell me to call my mom. Actually, you'd probably call her yourself. You can't beat a hug from your mom." She chuckles, saying something that Jayden used to say about her mother. Honestly, he was as close to an adopted child as her mom had, it broke her too when he died.

The soft laugh soon turned into a sniffle and before she knew it, she was choking back a sob and desperately wiping at the tears that spilled over her eyes. "How did I let this happen again," she puffed out a breath, still somehow laughing between crying, though it was far from a place of amusement. "I did what you always wanted me to do and I took a chance. Now look at me, right back to square one and you're not even here for me to say it's all your fault." Joking, but the words only made her miserable. "I feel like a fool, I really thought if I just kept patience, he'd find his moment and talk to me. Now I'm wondering if I should have pushed harder? And then I hate myself for thinking this could be my fault, because it isn't, is it? I gave him everything, and it just wasn't enough, how am I supposed to accept that? How can I when I don't understand." Groaning, what she does understand now is why she chose to come here and talk to a headstone over someone who could actually support her. Emotional and manic wasn't her best look, she wanted to try and vent a lot of it out before she turned to her family and friends. "It just hurts, it... yeah, it hurts."

The ache that swirled all around her insides only rippled outwards until it felt like even breathing in was painful. "I'm so lost without you, Jj, I miss you so much. So much." It wasn't fair. A thought that she seemed to be thinking a lot lately. Nothing was ever fair and she couldn't stand it. "You don't know what I'd give to go back, even if it was just to see you one last time." She lost herself when he had died, that much was clear to everyone who loved her, but what a lot of them didn't realize was that she never truly recovered. A part of her was still lost, still trying to claw it's way back but it never would. There was an empty space there in her heart that belonged entirely to her best friend. Sighing, she swiped more tears away and climbed up to her feet, staying crouched as her brown eyes lingered over his name. "Love you. I'll be back in a couple days, I'll bring beer." With a sad smile and a soft hand pressed against the cold stone, she takes a deep breath and turns to leave. Hopefully looking a little less blurry-eyed by the time she got home to greet her mother.

"Hey," calling out as she drops her bag at the door. "Sorry I'm late, work ran over and then I got talking to Jay," a statement that wasn't out the ordinary, it was never unusual for her to visit the cemetery just to keep her lost friend upto date on her life. "That's ok, sweetie. Little man is all tucked up, he's just waiting for a hug," her mom smiles, though she can't help but eye Alara with mild suspicion. "Everything ok?" Hard not to notice bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks when they were right in front of you, but it wasn't just that. It was something Kian had told her while they ate dinner. That he heard his mommy crying in the middle of the night. "Yeah, I'll go give him his hug," shying away from her gaze, she knew she couldn't talk about it right now, not while her son was waiting for her.

Making her way up the stairs, she does her best to rub the mascara away and go in his room with a warm greeting. "Hello my beautiful baby. Sorry I missed dinner." Walking over to sit on the end of his bed, her smile actually reaching her eyes just at the sight of him. "That's okay, but nanna made me eat sweetcorn," he pulled a blegh face and shuffled out his covers to envelope his arms around her. An action that had her eyes stinging with a fresh set of tears as she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. "I didn't tell her sweetcorn is on the no no list now." Chuckling, she kisses at the top of his head, and holds him tight, finding a warm comfort that only he could ever really provide. It almost made her unwilling to tuck him back in, but she did, somehow resisting the urge to just lay down with him. "Mommy?" Innocent eyes peer up at her as she strokes his hair. "Are you sad?"

The question made her heart hurt, she never wanted to be sad in front of him but she should have known, he was always very perceptive. "I'm a little bit sad, yeah. Missing your Uncle Jayden a lot today." It wasn't a lie, and she obviously wasn't going to tell her four-year-old child about her breakup. "It's okay to be sad sometimes, as long as you know how to make yourself happy again, and I do, so don't worry." Nodding, she wasn't sure that part was quite true, not as things stood. "How do you do that?" He asks, making her laugh softly. "Well, I just look at you and all that sadness goes away. You know what I always tell you, I'm the luckiest mommy in the world to have a baby as kind and loving as you. But it's late, so close your eyes and dream nice dreams. I love you." Leaning forward to kiss his head, she waits for him to say it back and gently leaves the room, door ajar just how he liked it.

As soon as he was out of sight, she has her hands pressed over her mouth, silencing the hiccup and quickly making her way to her room. Washing up and getting into her pj's, she's surprised when she sees her mom still here, waiting for her on the sofa. "Now that your baby is settled, let me settle mine..." Patting a hand on the sofa, Alara looks between her and the spot, wary, almost timid. She didn't want to break, but damn, it didn't matter how old she got, a mother's influence was always the instinctive way to run. And so, she grabs a blanket and walks over, settling herself closely by her side, head on her shoulder and arm around her front, allowing her mother to just be there and hold her.

"Jayden was never wrong about this, can't beat one of your hugs." Smiling as she sits up, she doesn't bother to hide the sad defeat in her eyes, instead, she just shrugs. "Nate and I are done. He'd rather spiral than lean on me. I tried, but... It's pretty impossible to fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for." The corners of her eyes crease as she tries to say it with a calm tone. As soon as she hears her mom say she's sorry, she shakes her head, trying to tell her she didn't really have anything else to say, except maybe... "You know what the worst part is? I never forgot how crap this feels, I broke my own promise never to put myself back in a position where I can be hurt because... I managed to convince myself that this time, it wouldn't end with tears."

And in a gesture to her own, she scoffs a sad half-laugh and tries to swallow the lump in her throat. She appreciates that her mom gives her the time to talk without interrupting, the squeeze on her arm is comforting enough without making her feel crowded. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship. Some people aren't, and that's fine. I was happy by myself, I can be that way again." Nodding, "Yeah. It's fine. I'm- I'll be fine." Maybe if she said it enough, she would actually start to believe it. "Alara..." That soft tone of a concerned mother had her sucking in a breath as she shakes her head. "Don't. Please, just don't. I don't need you to say anything." She practically insists, misty brown eyes lifting up to hers only to close with a shaky sigh. "Okay, sweetie. I won't. But you should go get me some pajamas because I'll be staying here tonight." Her mom says, lifting a hand up to Alara's cheek, hoping that she wouldn't protest. Truthfully, she didn't have the energy, and not being alone sounded far better. "Thank you."

#;; self para #;; nate donovan #;; caria kahya #;; kian kahya #;; jayden cross #;; emiri tezel

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