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#sorry these gifs are not good -- i tried my best
xiaolanhua · 9 months
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My Dearest 연인 (2023) Dir. by Kim Sung Yong – Ep. 4
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cienie-isengardu · 2 months
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[MK1] Bi-Han & Kuai Liang. Good brother? Evil brother? Nah, just different reactions to trauma, part 3
part 1, part 2
The previous part helped me lay a ground to establish the main difference between Kuai Liang and Bi-Han. Scorpion, as a dedicated follower of father and Liu Kang’s authority is what I had called the Believer. He does not question the nature of Lin Kuei duty, as he built his life around it. Bi-Han on another hand is definitely a Questioner, as he questions and undermines not only the wisdom of Fire God or even his own father but also the reasons why his clan should serve Earthrealm in the first place as he sees such servitude as enslavement. So one brother follows orders of those he considers to be his superiors while the other, the same as all know to us major cryomancers, has a rocky relationship with authority.
Being the sons of Grandmaster definitely influenced their life by how they were raised, because beside the hardship of physical training they, as heirs, needed to be prepared for their future duties to the clan. As the eldest, such additional education was aimed primarily on Bi-Han, and depending on how big is the age gap between brothers, he could be more involved into clan politics - and in result more aware of the inner working of Lin Kuei and the unrest of his people than Kuai Liang or Tomas were. I will expand this thought soon, for now let's talk about the Grandmaster and Mother, as the first authority figures that shaped and influenced both brothers.
FATHER
There is no doubt that their father played a great role in shaping Kuai Liang and he meant a lot to the younger brother. During story mode we had 6 main scenes in which Lin Kuei brothers interacted with each other:
waiting together for Liu Kang
before infiltrating Fortress
after Bi-Han defeated Nitara and Ermac
before brothers separated to carry on their parts of mission
Bi-Han’s betrayal
the second confrontation between brothers that lead to Kuai Liang and Bi-Han fight + Kuai Liang and Tomas talking over unconscious body of Sub-Zero 
Out of 6 examples, four was focused on the ideological conflict between Sub-Zero and his brothers - and in all of those scenes, Kuai Liang was talking about father in one way or another
“His teaching did not pass with him. They should still guide us." “We must honor his vision Bi-Han." “Bi-Han!! How could you?! Father would turn in his grave if he saw this!" "We must chart a new course. One that both honors our Father's legacy and serves Earthrealm."
but outside the importance of father and his teaching, had almost nothing meaningful to say in the presented interactions. What is frankly a pretty alarming detail. Not only because Kuai Liang barely interacted with Tomas before he needed his support (6th interaction scene), but also he does not contribute much to the mission - the only one time he does say anything relative to the job at hand is when Smoke is out of the picture.
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In contrast, Bi-Han and Smoke talked about how to process the mission on two separate occasions - before and during infiltrating the fortress, even though Tomas is the least battle experienced out of the three brothers (confirmed by his BIO and the falling scene) and the one about whom frustrated Bi-Han said to not have Lin Kuei blood.
And this is very surprising choice of creators, as it was Kuai Liang to whom other characters will look up for leadership during battle to close the portals, so A) he doesn’t lack the skills and self-confidence to lead a mission and B) he was no afraid of Bi-Han nor Tomas as he spoke his mind openly around his brothers. 
For the majority of Bi-Han’s chapter, literally all Scorpion has to say was to critique Sub-Zero even for things not worth the scorn[1] or bring father into discussion despite perfectly knowing this will only frustrate his elder brother more. 
Again for contrast, during the same chapter Bi-Han spoke of things not related to his father or ambitious plans for Lin Kuei’s future. As in:
discussing mission with Smoke on two different occasions
enjoying the fight for his own personal reasons (glory, testing his skills against worth opponents)
childhood memory - hearing the stories about Nitara’s people as a child
Sub-Zero’s chapter alone gives us a good hint of differences between Bi-Han and Kuai Liang. Scorpion is all about father and tradition to the point he barely interact with Smoke despite his own assurance “We may not share blood, but we are brothers” and has little to nothing nice or supportive to say to his elder brother despite their close bond (as provided by intro dialogues: Kuai Liang believing their bond couldn’t be broken and Bi-Han wishing to rule with Kuai Liang at his side).
In all fairness there is something almost fanatical in the way Scorpion acted at this point in story mode and it would be easy to claim this blind-like dedication to father is what Kuai Liang was at the core. However, like I said in the previous part, the same as Bi-Han’s behavior was influenced by emotion out of his control, the frustration we were told by Scorpion and shown through Sub-Zero’s angry gesticulation, the same assumption should be made for Kuai Liang. The best hint comes from the interaction between brothers before they attempted climbing on the wall.
Sub-Zero: “We must find a less guarded section before attempting an ascent. Finally we face a worthy foe. Victory will bring us glory." Scorpion: “Glory? We fight for duty." Sub-Zero: “Does our Father's ghost possess you? All I hear is his voice."
Saying someone is possessed is a strong way to emphasize how a person is acting differently than usual. By Bi-Han’s frustrated reaction we can assume that the way Kuai Liang behave and speak mimic the behavior of their parent - and if Sub-Zero was constantly rebuked by father the way he is rebuked by his younger brother over everything, whatever big or small matter, it could be the origin of his growing frustration. 
However we need to keep in mind that Kuai Liang was deeply affected by the unexpected death of their father, so this event could influence the way he interacted with his brothers, especially with Bi-Han. There is no reason to doubt they were once close, but I think the moment when Kuai Liang lost not just a parent but the most important authority figure, he started treating father’s wisdom not as just a guidance but some sort of Sacred Laws he - and his brothers - needs to follow to the letter.
At first in story mode Kuai Liang only says “His teaching did not pass with him. They should still guide us” to which Bi-Han replies that father’s wisdom can guide them but not “shackle” (limiting). But the more conflict escalates, the more Scorpion insists “We must honor his vision Bi-Han” yet he does not provide any real argument why they must do it actually. Like yes, sons should respect their father and be obedient while tradition is an important part of one’s culture, but Kuai Liang never goes out of his way to provide any example of what is good about that wisdom in the first place.
In contrast, the more tense became their interaction, the more vocal Bi-Han was about why he reject their father’s teaching:
Sub-Zero: "Vision is what he lacked. He was blind to our superiority. We settle for defending Earthrealm when we could help lead it."
and later, at his breaking point, 
Sub-Zero:"He was doddering old fool! He did us a favor, having that accident. And I was right to let him die.[...] Father had doomed the Lin Kuei to mediocrity. Now we will achieve greatness."
At the same time, despite the harsh criticism toward father and considering his death as “favor” done to Lin Kuei (brothers) and having no regrets for letting him die, Sub-Zero’s relationship with his parent is not so one sided as it may look at the first glance. 
Through intro dialogues, Bi-Han still considers his father a foolish, short sighted man
Scorpion: Father would be ashamed of you. Sub-Zero: Only because he lacked vision.
and
Smoke: Father wanted us to be brothers. Sub-Zero: Yet another of the old man's foolish dreams.
or
Sub-Zero: My father was a fool to follow you. Liu Kang: He wisely honored Earthrealm with his service.
but at the same time he does not completely reject the notion of the father’s greatness
Sindel: I knew your father. He was a great man. Sub-Zero: Yet he never understood the Lin Kuei's potential.
or that the man’s wisdom had some merit
Sub-Zero: Father was right about one thing: never trust a sorcerer. Quan Chi: Truly, he was a wise man.
nor Sub-Zero's action was motivated by hate or spite
Reiko: Is it true: you let your father die? Sub-Zero: What war's ever been won without losses?
or
Ashrah: What kind of son betrays his father? Sub-Zero: One who sees his father's time has passed.
(And there is something really weird how Reiko bothers to ask Bi-Han about his father’s death yet Fire Lord, who praised the previous Grandmaster as a wise man to serve Earthrealm, has nothing to say about the matter? No anger, no rebuke, not even a simple comment for what Bi-Han did? When he expressed regret on various occasions for the ill fate of Sindel and her husband? I guess this could add to the pile of reasons why Bi-Han resents Liu Kang’s authority for not treating his Lin Kuei allies with the same or similar level of respect he express toward Outworld Royal Family).
Scorpion in his intro dialogues does not question father’s authority at all. He does speak about him with
Sindel
Scorpion: Your husband's murder haunted my father. Sindel: All those close to Jerrod were devastated.
and
Sindel: Both your parents were excellent fighters. Scorpion: I can only hope to live up to their example.
Geras
Scorpion: I want to see the moment my father died. Geras: You are not ready to receive that knowledge.
and Bi-Han (“Father would be ashamed of you”) however I didn’t find any example he directly mentioned father to Smoke, who, like Sub-Zero, had a more complicated relationship with the man[2].
He also expressed to Johnny and his mirror match burning anger at Bi-Han for father’s death:
Johnny Cage: Bi-Han's got you all fired up, eh? Scorpion: He'll burn for betraying my father.
and
Scorpion: I won't be consumed by vengeance. Scorpion: How can your father's death not burn you?
This fierce reaction to father’s death is understandable, as Scorpion’s Bio said, 
Like his cherished father, Scorpion is dedicated to the Lin Kuei and its defense of Earthrealm. When his father died, Scorpion was bereft. 
Now, let’s focus on the choice of words. According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, bereft means:
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suffering the death of a loved one but also being deprived or lacking something needed, wanted, or expected.
Which is why I think the loss of a father is for Kuai Liang something more than just missing a beloved parent. He also lost the guidance that was constant in his life since he was a little kid and he tries to fill the emptiness by honoring and in result, mimicking the authority figure he built his life around. 
Kuai Liang’s character theme is HONOR
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and as much as it is about his integrity and loyalty to father’s teaching (protecting Earthrealm), I think this is also a keyword to what Scorpion dedicated his life: to honoring the past but only through father’s idea of tradition, duty or his legacy[3].
Story mode: "We must honor his vision Bi-Han."
and
Story mode: "We must chart a new course. One that both honors our Father's legacy and serves Earthrealm."
and
Smoke: With you as grandmaster, our new clan will flourish. Scorpion: Only if we honor tradition.
If we agree that Father was the authority Kuai Liang followed and built his life around, then he did not just lose a parent but also a central part of his world, a source of comfort and security. And Bi-Han, the closest remaining blood-relative, the eldest sibling is NOT PROVIDING THE NEEDED COMFORT and/or STABILITY because Sub-Zero does not follow father’s teaching anymore and slowly is building his life around different values and goals than were accepted by previous Grandmaster. 
Which is why I believe Kuai Liang so desperately clings to it, and honors the man’s teaching like it is some sort of sacred code and can’t anymore interact with elder brother the way they used to. Because he is afraid to lose the last connection to cherished father - if Bi-Han casts away their father’s teaching, they will be forgotten with passing time and then lost forever. And the dislike of changes father would not approve and fear of being forced to act against his own brother are part of Scorpion’s BIO:
[...] he took pride in knowing that his brother, Sub-Zero, would succeed their father as the Lin Kuei's grandmaster. But Sub-Zero's unprecedented moves to cast off the Lin Kuei's traditional duties have frozen Scorpion's enthusiasm. He fears that one day he may have to battle his brother for control of the Lin Kuei's legacy.
- even if Bi-Han prior to his betrayal scene did not do anything that cast off the tradition. We could hear him talking about his ambitions to change Lin Kuei, but only between his closest family and never openly questioning or challenging Liu Kang’s authority. Like yes, Bi-Han was frustrated and lacked patience for back talks of Kung Lao who still didn’t figure out Lin Kuei pulled out their punches and acted violently once Johnny grabbed his arm - and how much it was a learned reflex to respond with violence and a simple excuse to hit him is up to debate. But each time Liu Kang got involved in the “conflict” Sub-Zero fell back to his place and obeyed. The same as he did not argue about the mission he and his brother undertook on Fire Lord’s order.
As the story mode provides, the clan was more than ready to reject the past because only Kuai Liang and Tomas refused to follow Sub-Zero’s leadership. Which speaks a lot both about Lin Kuei as a society and Kuai Liang’s dedication for tradition and father. The story mode really made him look to be in the minority in that matter. To the point that he openly admitted to Smoke how small are chances for him to replace Bi-Han as the Grandmaster even though he is the second in line to that title:
Smoke: “What are you doing? Once he's exposed, won't you be made Grandmaster?" Scorpion: "You forget Cyrax and Sektor. Their loyalty to Bi-Han is absolute. They'll sooner abet his corruption than follow me."
At his breaking point, Bi-Han explained to brother he lied about father’s death because 
"[...] you couldn't, and still can't, face the truth. Father had doomed the Lin Kuei to mediocrity. Now we will achieve greatness."
what is of course a very subjective opinion, but considering how sources presented Kuai Liang and how narrow-minded he can be, especially during mourning father, I’m willing to give Sub-Zero some benefit of doubt. Not if father worsened the Lin Kuei situation or not, but about Scorpion and his inability or lack of will to face the truth. Lin Kuei has changed and Bi-Han alone is not the source of problem, because he is the clan leader for relative short period of time while the whole clan rejected the centuries old traditions honored by Kuai Liang’s father despite knowing it puts them on the collide course against Liu Kang, Earthrealm and Outworld. What is more, just because the previous Grandmaster died, it does not erase all the older members who served Earthrealm longer that Bi-Han or Kuai Liang lived and they too support Bi-Han’s independence streak as far as sources implies. Would they reject Sub-Zero if they knew about his part in Grandmaster’s death? Maybe or maybe not, all depending how long and how deeply the dissatisfaction about the Lin Kuei situation runs. Something that Kuai Liang may not be aware of - or quite the opposite, he was in fact painfully aware about it and this is why he feared Sub-Zero's desire for change, because he knew the clan will gladly support it.
The same as for tradition, brothers have a different approach to their father and what he symbolizes in their life. For Kuai Liang the man was a cherished family member and moral guide, the first and final authority while for Bi-Han a source of frustration and limitation. Understandable then, they have an opposite reaction to his death, one is heartbroken and the other sees it as an opportunity for his own growth and realization of ambitious plans. 
The Lin Kuei brothers’ feelings for mother though are drastically different matter and this will be the subject of the next part.
SIDENOTES
[1] The best example happened here: 
Sub-Zero: “We must find a less guarded section before attempting an ascent. Finally we face a worthy foe. Victory will bring us glory." Scorpion: “Glory? We fight for duty."
as Bi-Han can’t even express the joy he finds in fighting without Kuai Liang cut in and bring it down again to duty and in the wider perspective what father trained them for. An excitement that in itself is not inherently a bad thing, especially since the Sub-Zero’s quotes after losing the fight against Nitara or Ermac shows how Bi-Han would graciously accept defeat and praise his enemy (“You are a superb adversary. More than worth the wait” and “You are as formidable as promised. Let’s continue.” respectively) thus his attitude is about something different than bloodthirst or fun. Sub-Zero was warned about the danger Nitara and Ermac posed:
childhood stories about Lin Kuei's effort against Nitara’s people: “As a boy I heard tales of battles against your kind.”
Liu Kang’s warning about Ermac: “You are Quan Chi’s creation. Liu Kang warned about you. I had hoped for the chance to battle your dark magic.”
and so Bi-Han hoped to face worthy opponents against whom he could test his skills. And though it may sound selfish, we can’t forget that Sub-Zero was raised as a warrior - only facing strong opponents and overcoming the danger allow a warrior to make progress. Lin Kuei warriors were always striving for perfection, and if this mindset did not change in Liu Kang’s timeline, it is understandable why the prospect of facing danger after years of idleness pleased the Grandmaster.
Bi-Han looking out for a chance to perfect his abilities, wishing to test himself and earning a recognition for fighting skills he dedicated his whole life doesn’t sound as something deserving such a negative reaction. Especially since Bi-Han at this point has never done anything that put the mission or his brothers at risk. And though he was frustrated about his and Lin Kuei's situation, it never stopped him from doing his duty - until the capture and Shang Tsung’s offer scene. An offer he wouldn’t be otherwise interested to listen to, as was seen during his fight with sorcerer
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and Sub-Zero’s intention to eliminate the enemy for good (even if Liu Kang clearly said to capture the sorcerer not to kill him).
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This leads me to think Kuai Liang’s rebuke was uncalled for but also supports my feeling mentioned in the previous part - Scorpion did not enjoy fighting but was doing it because tradition (father) demanded that from him.
[2] Tomas’ complicated feelings toward Lin Kuei Father are rooted in his trauma - it was Grandmaster’s own people who killed his mother and twin sister. As much as an adult Tomas respect his adoptive parent and maybe even became emotionally close with he man over the years, there is still something in the way he spoke about the past events that indicates it was not always the case - and maybe he still feels some resentment to the man that at least indirectly destroyed his childhood
Kitana: You are Kuai Liang's adopted brother? Smoke: His father's honor demanded that he take me in.
and
Reptile: Lucky for you, Kuai Liang's father took you in. Smoke: It didn't feel that way at the time.
And I guess this is just the nature of intro dialogues, but it feels off to me that when Tomas is talking with non Lin Kuei characters, the father is always connected down solely to Kuai Liang (and not for example to both brothers) and Tomas never corrects them or say anything implying that despite not sharing the same blood, the man became his father too. There is also something to say how Tomas twice brought father in his dialogues with Bi-Han: 
Smoke: Father wanted us to be brothers. Sub-Zero: Yet another of the old man's foolish dreams.
and
Sub-Zero: You were never truly one of us. Smoke: Were Father here, he would disagree.
None of the brothers adds “my” or “our” father - and Bi-Han could do so, if he didn’t consider Tomas part of the family. Interestingly Sub-Zero only once said “my father” in his intro dialogues and between the three brothers, Sub-Zero's ones revolve the most around the man (I counted 8 separate, direct intro dialogues), while Kuai Liang does not talk directly about father with Tomas at all in their pre-fighting interactions. Which is quite surprising, considering how important father is to Kuai Liang and how often Smoke brought the man’s authority in story mode and intros.
[3] At this point I think it is not the burning anger that Kuai Liang shares with the original Scorpion that should concern other characters (and us), but his “blind” clinging to the past that brought Hanzo Hasashi a lot of suffering and made him an easy target for manipulations. Now, I know this may sound too harsh, especially at such an early stage of exploring a new timeline and having no clue what is NRS’ final goal for his character development but hear me out. Kuai Liang’s Shirai Ryu is not an improved version of Lin Kuei, but it's replacement. For now Scorpion needs to find and train willing adepts to secure Earthrealm and his new clan’s safety, so it’s understandable his focus is set on the most urgent matters at hand, but if he is not willing to closely examine past and question it - be it father’s teaching or what lead Lin Kuei to follow rebellious Sub-Zero than following their traditional duties, he will recreate the system that objectively speaking is unfair to people born into it. As far as we know, Lin Kuei members weren’t paid for their dutiful service, they lived in isolation and secret, forced their children to endure hardship since childhood to turn them into superb soldiers (tools) so Liu Kang’s Earthrealm could be safe and sound and even in times of peace, the warriors could die for unspecified reasons that aren’t related to natural death out of old age (presumably what happened to mother). There is much more to talk about, so I’m gonna leave this matter for another part. Just signaling that Kuai Liang’s fierce loyalty to father (past) can be as dangerous as Bi-Han rejecting it.
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wiha-jun · 1 year
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TENOCH HUERTA
 SEMANA SANTA (dir. Alejandra Márquez Abella, 2015)
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snakes-oil · 1 month
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THE LAST DINNER PARTY - Mirror ― The Roundhouse, Camden, 1 February 2024
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stimboardboy · 5 months
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secret sprinkle drawer
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tokumusume · 2 years
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it isn’t too late.
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hwanswerland · 1 year
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ATEEZ @ MAMA 2020 (Inception + Answer) ↳ aka my second Atinyversary 
Summary in case you don't want to read all this: it's been two years since I got into Ateez, I ramble about it, then I tagged my lovely mutuals. I can't believe it's already been two years since Youtube recommended me this video out of the blue and because I was bored and San and Honjoong looked sp pretty on the thumbnail I watched it. Instantly fell in love with Answer and decided that well, if they have one song this good, there have got to be more right? And so began my descent into the kpop (read: Ateez) madness. I didn't expect on December 6th 2020 that two years later I would run a tumblr blog dedicated to the one guy that I actively did not want to bias at first, spend who knows how much money on albums and other merch, go to one of their concerts and scream along with all those other fans despite me thinking I would never have a boy group phase in this life (lol), least of all one starting when I was 21 years old. Not that I regret anything about it :D I realise that these gifs are not actually the most giffable moment for some members, but as this is a very self indulgent set I chose to gif what are moments I still remember reacting to when I saw the first time. Honorary mention to Hongjoong shouting "1, 2, 3 lets BURN" into his mic. If I could gif a sound that would be the first I'd gif because Answer is special to me and I absolutely came to life when he did the same thing at my concert. I started giffing on this blog way later in 2021, around the end of Deja Vu promotions, and for the most part I did not feel very welcome here on Atinyblr lol, for reasons that have nothing to do with anyone I interact with these days. This only very recently changed when I finally joined the atzsource team and actually talked to the people on here. So thank you for being so cool and talking about some things that mean I can finally chill and not feel like an imposter on here anymore. So in no particular order tagging my lovely mutuals that I love seeing on the dash/talking to/admire from afar ♡
@sanchelinz (thank you forever for the file!) @woosansang @jonghho @jeong-yunhoes @jjongho​ @sanhwaiting @woosanhui @jngif @guerrila @yunhogifs @applejongho @xuseokgyu @blueberrysan @jeongyunho99 @chwejongho @strhwaberries @cruellajoong @song-mingi @hwatermelon @seonghwaminho @yukuz
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hopeless-astronaut · 9 months
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As bad as things were, you were glad you had Qiu and Tamarack here with you.
Higher quality under the cut 💕
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Also background is from the game, I did not draw that!!
Bonus version w/ diff mc hairstyle and w/o game background:
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lee-kangin · 1 year
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SOUTH KOREA 대한민국 THE TEAM THAT NEVER GIVES UP FIFA WORLD CUP 2022
South Korea vs Ghana, Cho Guesung, 58′ South Korea vs Ghana, Cho Guesung, 61′ South Korea vs Portugal, Kim Younggwon, 27′ South Korea vs Portugal, Hwang Heechan, 90+1′ South Korea vs Brazil, Paik Seungho, 76′
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lucascsinclairs · 2 years
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“Are you sleeping better?” “Yeah, fine.”
She’s not doing fine. I repeat, not doing fine.
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Luz's and Camila's reactions to seeing King for the first time.
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kittychicha · 1 year
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PINKY SAVIKA THE MAID (2020)
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sonego · 2 years
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dream beyond dreams beyond life
LEWIS HAMILTON + BEYOND by DAFT PUNK
happy birthday mina @samlammers 🥰
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Crowley × august by Taylor Swift
angel:
White hair and the look you bore
I never needed anyone more
Whispers of "Alpha Centaury?"
"Never have I ever before"
But I can see us lost in the memory
The Angel slipped away after a lifetime
'Cause he was never mine
And I can see us over the eons
He sipped away like a bottle of wine
Cause he was never mine
My eyes beneath glasses
Wishin' you'd stare in them
Do you want to go at the Ritz?
I remember thinking I had you
[Refrain]
Back when we were still chaning for the better
Wanting was enough
For me, it was enough
To exist for the hope of it all
Stay in the car just in case you'd call
And say "Come at the bookshop"
So much for my love and saying "us"
'Cause you weren't mine to lose
You weren't mine to lose, no
[Refrain]
But do you remember?
Remember when I pulled up and said, "Get in the car
And we cancelled the plans of heaven and hell?
Back when I was existin' for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all
"Come at the bookshop"
Remember when I pulled up and said, "Get in the car
And we cancelled plans for heaven and hell?
Back when I was existin' for the hope of it all (for the hope of it all)
For the hope of it all
For the hope of it all
(For the hope of it all)
(For the hope of it all)
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"I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror
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It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero"
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rosipuree · 2 months
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Haunted
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Toji cannot move on, until he realized too late.
Warnings: Angst, slightest fluff (reader and baby 'gumi moment)
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You were just a girl, standing in front of a man, asking him to love you.
How hard was that for him? Yes, he wasn’t good with his words but he wasn’t good at anything else either. He was just there.
Maybe because the woman he truly loved—he was still mourning over her. His sad eyes every time he watched an old couple dance together, wishing he had been doing that but with her. The cute babies babble with their mothers as Megumi babbles with his father, how he wished his wife was still here instead of you. He never said it, but that’s what it felt like. 
And perhaps that's what it was. 
Sometimes he curses himself out when he accidentally calls you his wife's name. During intimate times only. You tried—trying to keep the emotions in as if it wasn’t breaking every part of you, was the hardest part. “Look he’s walking...” You smiled at the dark haired baby who was walking towards you. Toji smiled, making sure he’d record every second of it; deep down he wished his wife was the one the baby was walking towards instead of you.
And it was wrong—so wrong. 
“This relationship, I’m with you but Toji—Toji this is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.” You whispered while he ate his leftovers, his brows still furrowed from the argument occurring earlier. Having Toji work from 9–5 wasn’t the best but good thing he had you, helping him out with so much. Picking up groceries, picking up his lovely son—until you mentioned that one of his teachers mistaken you as his biological mother. That right there was enough to make Toji angry for weeks at least.
But not this time.
He stopped chewing on his food after you spoke, waiting for more of an explanation. Which you figured he needed, “I don’t think you’re in love with me–” 
“I like you [name], a lot.” He cleared his throat. He leaned back on his chair as his arms crossed waiting for you to continue the sentence he interrupted. 
Right, he liked you a lot. These three rough years you’ve been dating Toji—that particular l word was never uttered once, not even if he was drunk, or having a special moment with you. You huffed trying to find the right words for Toji to understand. That was until little Megumi started crying from his room. “I’ll try to put him back to sleep, finish eating.” He watched as your fragile little body sulked its way to Megumi’s room.
He knew this was gonna happen, he knew you were bound to leave him sooner or later. 
You smiled as you opened the door to see the little Megumi standing on top of his little bed. His hands wiping his tears as he ran towards you, his arms now wrapping around your legs. “Sleep with mama and papa.” He cried out as you leaned down to pick up the little boy. “[name] and papa, not mama okay?” You corrected him, if Toji were to find out that he had been calling you that, then that argument would’ve climaxed.
The little boy nodded, his tears now gone as you swayed him around. “Sleep with you.” He mumbled, leaning his head on your shoulder as he played with a strand of your hair. “Just for tonight.” You whispered, watching Megumi pick up his head and smile. Content with your answer. 
Toji’s heart could just swell at the sight. You treated his son as if he was your own and nothing looked so much better right now, except for the fact that he wished it was his wife.
Megumi was now soundly sleeping between you and Toji, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” His eyes shut tightly hearing those piercing words leave your mouth. It hurt when his wife left him, but this hurt was different—different because he knew it was coming yet he didn’t want to do anything about it. 
“I’m sorry—”
“You don’t need to be the one apologizing.” He watched your soft gaze stare at completely nothing. He was confused, this was his fault. He never treated you how you needed deserved to be treated. “It was my fault for throwing myself at a man who simply was not ready.”
The next morning was silent—baby ‘gumi was confused at the saddened look on your face. Constantly walking up to you asking if you were okay. He was still just a baby, yet he read the room so well. “I’m sure we can work this out—” Toji now sitting next to you on the couch, some cartoon playing in the back as Megumi’s little head sat on your lap. “You’re not ready, Toji.” You nodded, eyes still glued on the tv as if it was meant for you and not the little Megumi. 
“And how are you so sure—”
“Tell me you love me then.” Your eyes are now fixed on Toji’s. It was hard, he felt as if his mouth had been glued shut. You sigh, bringing your gaze back to the tv, “I love you—but it’s hard when it’s one sided Toji.” 
It hurt much more, seeing you drive away as the clueless Megumi waved you out. Poor thing thinks you’re simply going to the store. The house that once felt like home was so dull now. Toji sat little ‘gumi down on the couch. 
His constant, “mama?” or “[name]?” while he kept his gaze on the door every so often. Nothing prepared Toji for this. Megumi cried that he wanted to sleep with his mama and papa, his heart swelled knowing that he had been talking about you.
You were gone, just like his wife. But it hurt—it hurt so much more knowing that you’re alive trying your best to…move on. He stayed up late that same night, stumbling upon a video from two years ago. When Megumi first learned how to walk. You and Toji had just started dating but the look of happiness plastered your face as you watched the little baby walking. 
That was one thing Toji never forgot about, how much you loved kids. Telling him how once you had kids of your own you would finally be able to live in peace. How he heard of it less and less as the years went on, he wonders if you still think that.
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