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#sorry this is really messy

I’m leaving for good!!!

This wasn’t an easy decision to make, since I REALLY enjoyed my time in here and I have literally the most AMAZING mutuals. But the thing is, I desperately need to make some changes in my life, and that includes staying away from social media for a little while and focusing on my studies/ mental health.

I want to be/do better, and I hope that anyone who doesn’t feel okay when it comes to where they currently are in life have the chance and courage to start changing what they are unhappy about.

I’ll be deleting my two blogs before the New Year, and probably won’t be making another one. But to everyone who’s reading this: I love you and wish you the very best!!!!

If you wish to contact me, feel free to send an ask/ private message!

Stay safe 🦋

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I’m not medded yet so I dunno how messy this is gunna sound but I wanna put the blue prints of my scattered thoughts someplace?

I don’t believe in any real proper distinctions between high art and low art esp irt popular cinema? Something on my mind though, which I think stemmed or boomed in the 90s this very specific look of Hollywood art house ™ or like art house as a genre of itself, like movies that would otherwise just be another genre film as high art?
Fuck there was something about like anti intellectualism in there, something about what creates like the super hero movies we’ve got now and this divide of high and low art I think this is some kinda logical end point, whatever this mess Is? It’s all as shallow and formulaic as another but one tries to pretend that it isn’t…

I don’t get how you can already decide you’re an auteur when all youre doing is blantently ripping off better and lesser known genre and foreign films?

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I can’t draw dogs but I love Rukey so I had to give it a try

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the reason why Keith didn’t recognize Lance in the first episode was because Lance got a massive glo-up i mean just look at this boy

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A reply to this

And what do you do?

(Hold on)

You live
as you need an excuse
for simply existing,
Bowing as low as you can
with drooped shoulders
and a tense smile.
What are you ashamed of?

Who decided you aren’t a hero?

You hope
with the power of thousands of suns.
You fight
with the power of thousands of smiles.
You grow
with the powers of thousands of hearts.

(and most of all, you love with your soul)

I’m sorry,
I can only give you letters,
fancy words spilled between shaky hands,
written with gritty eyes.
Kisses blown in the wind,
sparks I can only hope
will reach you someday.

you know where I can be found,
planting sunflowers on the ground
one at a time,
in this nowhere land.

And one day,
it’s going to be alright.
We’re gonna be alright.
(I know we will.)

So hold on tight,
we’re going for another turn.

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“Single shot eu sit, mug cup a cup instant. Aroma, id bar latte, saucer chicory wings single shot con panna. Crema roast kopi-luwak, to go ut espresso instant coffee doppio french press strong. Turkish, seasonal, robusta affogato, single origin irish percolator kopi-luwak that affogato.”


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ok genuinely from a story telling point of view it is so sad and disappointing to see that Tommy, someone who was abused by dream and neglected by his friends, died to the hands of his abusers and to have no one take his death nearly as seriously as he took their lives being threatened (tommy apologist mode on i wanna rant) like when creating a story about a character being abused you really got tread carefully, i mean its already tough enough that people die to their abusers on the daily, but seeing a story where a child who had his brother killed, exiled by his best friend, and conditioned by his abuser to feel happy to have people around him in the first place, even willing to apologize to his abuser for hiding things from him and willingly having his stuff destroyed just so he won’t be alone is utterly heartbreaking. It hurts to see this and you can so clearly tell everything that has happened traumatized him. Wilbur, his brother who never saw Tommy as a good leader and destroyed their home, Tommy still misses him, and Dream intricately creating falsehoods to isolate Tommy so that he is in complete control of him and Tommy knowing this and GIVING IN to it because Dream was one of the last few people he had left, even if he hated him. and now he’s dead. The last positive interaction he’s had was with awesamdude and now his last moments were calling for him to let him out right before being beaten to death by Dream. I hate it :[

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Me and @circuslollipop saw this jacket and knew it had to have come from Lucien’s closet. And I just had to sketch it.

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Every once in a while, Shinya and Zinya randomly (or are invited) go to Recovery Girl to take over and give her a break, especially when Class 1-A comes along. It isn’t often by all means, but it still happens.

Like Zinya deals with paperwork and Shinya deals with the actual patients while Recovery Girl takes a much needed nap and vacation for like a day or two (this is more likely to happen on like a weekend, especially before the dorms came in so the students didn’t freak out or something. The second or third years have seen them at least once, especially all the third years). The staff are familiar with them because they visit during the weekends and Recovery Girl is where they heal and stuff. You know, the normal stuff.

But after dorms are put in, the first years are shook. Like where is Recovery Girl?

Midoriya is the first to see them (of course) for a few accidently broken bones. He walks in to see two silver-haired adults in Recovery Girl’s office and Midoriya has to double check which room he was in. Then he just stands there confused until the twins decided to acknowledge him instead of him doing it first.

“Hello, what are you here for?” Midoriya just stand there as he takes in the situation even more. One is hanging by a pipe on the ceiling is that safe? (yes Midoriya, she’s safe)- upside down with papers in her hand, not bothered by the position, and the other is just standing there with an exasperated expression.

“Uh, well my name is Izuku Midoriya-.”

“Oh the bone-breaker.” The woman hanging from the ceiling said.

“-yes, and I came here because I accidently went to hard with my quirk and broke my bones. Where is Recovery Girl?”

“Taking a vacation. Don’t worry, I have a degree and permit as a doctor. She just does paperwork.” The other woman waved. “My name is Shinya Kamihara, she’s Zinya Kamihara. Nice to meet you Midoriya.” The other seemed to smile under his surgical mask.

“O-okay.” He was still confused, but allowed the other to heal him. If Recovery Girl was fine with it and the other teachers didn’t put up a fuss or any alarm, then they should be good. But he was still on guard.

I just think it’d be hilarious to see Class 1-A’s faces when they meet the two. And the two may or may not visit UA more? Edgeshot’s really the only hero (besides Miruko, but she’s new) I’ve never really seen be involved with anything of the main focus of the show (I am not caught up with the manga, so excuse me if I’m wrong). So here we go, more interactions between pros and students.

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I need to get this off my chest now, I’ve been dwelling on it for the last few months and it’s making me feel really awful.

I’ve lost motivation to do anything relating to the Parenthood AU, I just can’t get into the mindset for writing or creating anything relating to the AU, I don’t know, my mind is a fuzzy mess and I feel like I can’t write it anymore. I’ve been stuck for a few months, I’ve tried to create artworks to generate my excitement for it, but nothing works, I just have half finished artworks sitting there that I don’t feel motivated to finish. I’ve tried revisiting them several times and each time I just want to work on another AU instead because I can’t focus on it. I feel burnt out with this AU because I don’t know what to do.

And before anyone asks: I don’t want to force myself to create content, because I know I will half-arse it and hate it honestly and I don’t want to show people content that I haven’t put some effort into, using that AU just doesn’t… appeal to me anymore… I’ve lost my motivation completely and I don’t know if it’ll come back… I’ve just been stuck for a few months now, meanwhile I’m working on I am Machine, Little Nightmares AU, some other things, and there’s the Parenthood AU, I just feel guilty for not doing anything (like Headcanons/artwork) with it but I literally can’t. I can’t think.

I can’t. I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do. I just want to be honest about this AU right now.

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You, dearest nonny, are an absolute genius, I love this to bits.

  • The internal struggle of reconciling the brilliant, uber powerful dragon Rex Lapis with this grandpa nerd
  • This is definitely messier than a Venti-is-Barbatos reveal because Liyue is still reeling from the death of their god, still caught in the aftershock. Where I think Mondstadt doesn’t care too much, Liyue feels this reveal. People feel betrayed, angry, grateful he’s still alive, furious he let them think he was dead, confused at why he did it–it could lead to a huge split between those who want Rex Lapis back and those who believe in building their own future on human power
  • During this time Keqing rises. She talks about how incredible Liyue is–how yes, Rex Lapis gave them this land and these opportunities, but they built the future he fought for–how their trade, their banks, their power, while aided by a god, is built by human hands. She talks about how they never needed to rely on Rex Lapis, that was just an illusion–she talks about how children need to eventually leave their parents, and now, Liyue and its people have come into their own
  • This is really controversial, of course. I think most people agree with Keqing–this is their land, their future, and Rex Lapis was protection, a safe habour, but they are Liyue and they’re willing to build the future with their own two hands and protect the present with their own two hands. But others say Keqing only wants power for herself and the Qixing–some people who felt lost or alone without their god question it
  • I think where Venti ultimately decides to keep his form since nothing much changes, Zhongli would have to change his form or leave Liyue. The whole point of his death, the plotting, is all ruined if the people find out he’s alive
  • Maybe some people quietly thank him, or still pray to him, knowing he’s alive, out there, somewhere, without expectation but simply dedication, loyalty and faith. 
  • But ultimately, in this era of change and upheaval, “Zhongli” cannot stay in Liyue–whether this means he changes his name and form, or leaves entirely, is up to you. He laid the groundwork for Liyue’s future–but it will never come to fruit if Rex Lapis lives on.
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ok so i wrote a long ass txt post titled


and it went to waste because of poor connection i don’t think i can write something like it again but ill sum up what i wanted to say,

im deleting the app not my blog, i can’t afford to lose the few great friends i made nor the blog i spent so much time on,

im gonna stay away from the ikonics small community since i don’t feel welcome there, ill try not to use iKON tag at least for my text posts, i won’t be dming or interacting with anyone unless they approach me first,

ill try to focus on work and reading while away and ill probably won’t be here for ateez and iKON comebacks,

my asks will still be open but my dms and replies are only open for people i follow, ALSO FEEL FREE TO UNFOLLOW/BLOCK ME if you’re uncomfortable with having me on your dash ill probably do the same

i tried my best to be nice and respectful to everyone here and never once encouraged hate (unless its yg) and im saying this for the last time i have never defended ca, tumblr users can be really harsh judging and cancelling others because of any and every word, so ill be more careful with what i post and say here,

anyways this is pretty much everything i wanted to say , i also wanted to say im sorry for the long post you ended up getting, this is also poorly written i sincerely apologise, take care of yourselves and do whatever you feel is right and best for you.

love, amal

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